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coexistentialism · 7 months

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AAAA I have so many thoughts actually

I think what people don't realize is that you oftentimes might not know you have the symptoms of DID until AFTER you start to explore the idea of having it in the first place.

It was so difficult trying to figure out what symptoms applied to me, what symptoms I related to, what symptoms I was exhibiting, etc.

And that's because DID in and of itself oftentimes even hides those symptoms from you in the first place (especially if you are polyfragmented).

You don't realize what symptoms you have until you really dive deep and try to LOOK for the symptoms in the first place.

Like, not only can a LOT of the DID symptoms be chalked up to "normal, everyday things", but the amnesia and general dissociation that comes along with the disorder makes it difficult to really KNOW if you have those symptoms, how often you experience them if at all. It makes it hard to say for certain "yes, I relate to that" because amnesia can make it seem like you never experience it, or that you "only rarely, if ever" experience it. And dissociation, shame, denial, etc. can make it to where you downplay it if you DO experience it. AND, as I said, a lot of it is oftentimes excused by other things.

Especially, for me particularly, I never really related to "derealization/depersonalization."

I certainly did in the past, and I know I still do, but the thing is, I don't personally relate to the way that dissociation is DESCRIBED.

And I don't know if I'm alone in that?

That DES test that everybody talks about is like my #1 enemy (this is a joke/light-hearted lmfao) because I could never really understand or relate or apply the things that the questions are asking me to myself. I also could not understand what they mean, and a lot of them did not apply to me because of my specific life circumstances, etc.

I would try taking that test on multiple different occasions and feel upset, frustrated and invalidated, because I could not understand the questions; I could not understand what they mean and apply them to myself; I could not make an accurate guesstimate on "how often" they applied to me; and I couldn't relate to them.

I would try taking it and would get scored anywhere from around 23% to 32% at MOST. And it invalidated me so bad, because my friends would be getting scores in the 40% ranges, and I felt like "I guess I don't have DID then" and "I guess I just don't have it that bad"

I would see people making posts about the test online and "brag" almost about "haha lol I got 48% lol oops" and I felt so invalidated because I never saw anybody get below that. It made me feel like I don't have DID at all and that I didn't have it that bad.

And the people who would tell me they didn't think I had DID, etc. and even one therapist (who was really shit honestly oh God I should make a post rambling about him cause. Oh Boy.) and a random psychiatrist I tried to see for a diagnosis (I hoped to be able to get diagnosed and go straight to a therapist instead of having to see a therapist to diagnose me first - I do not recommend this) (She was also horrible), coupled with the fact I just never met or saw anybody else like me, made it real difficult to believe that I could possibly have DID or OSDD.

And looking back at everything, my unawareness of everything - my symptoms, my feelings, everything - made it so much more difficult to be able to describe the precise experiences I was having.

Here I was, going out of my way to "that wasn't another alter- it was just.. Me, doing and saying things, by choice, I am always in control, it wasn't someone else!!!" while every single person around me so outwardly, so flawlessly, and so effortlessly seemed to fit right into system spaces; using the language of "fronting", "switching", "co-consciousness" as if it came naturally to them, and I could never understand, I could never relate.

No matter how much research I had done, I constantly felt like I was "missing" something - like everybody else around me already caught on and understood their experiences and their alters and everything, and I was an outsider intruding in spaces I didn't belong.

No matter how much I thought I knew about DID, no matter how much people and the internet would say "hey, you know DID doesn't require (xyz)", I still felt like "but surely there's something missing that I'm not getting; surely there's something that these people are experiencing that I clearly am not, because if I was, wouldn't I be able to relate to these words to? Wouldn't I know who my alters are by now? It's been years, why am I still so in the dark, and everybody else around me knows so much? There MUST be something I'm missing."

I still felt like I was waiting for myself to pass out or have some experience where I've just "teleported" somewhere with no memory of how I got there, or some "obvious" sign that I've switched, and no matter how much research I did, no matter what people told me, I was still waiting, I was still expecting SOMETHING.

SOMETHING that would make it "obvious" that I've switched; SOMETHING that would make it "obvious" that I have DID; SOMETHING that would make it clear as day and undeniable.

Of course it never happened, because it doesn't work like that.

But when people so effortlessly talk about their alters using language like this:

"Gary is really depressed and likes to write poetry; he only fronts to feel our depression. He doesn't really like to talk to people, so he keeps to himself. He speaks bluntly and doesn't even really like to speak in general, it's too much energy for him when he fronts."

Instead of:

"When I'm really depressed, I really like to write poetry. I don't really like to talk to people when I feel that way, when I'm in that state, and I don't really like to speak at all, it feels like too much energy, when I'm in that state of mind. I also tend to speak more bluntly when I'm like that."

It becomes hard to believe that you have DID at all when the first example is the only way people seem to talk about their alters and their DID.

With the first example, it gives the impression that you're speaking about a totally separate person (which, is totally valid if your alters work that way, but that is besides my point here). It gives the impression that the person who has DID/OSDD is speaking about totally separate people, and like "someone else is in control of that person" or something. At least to me, it did. And that's what I was waiting for, some "obvious" sign, some "obvious" THING to happen to me that would make it clear as day that I had switched, that I was a totally different person, etc. and I was still waiting for SOMETHING to happen, despite what I had researched, despite what people said, because the only way people ever talk about their alters is with the first example.

And I couldn't get it, I couldn't relate, I couldn't understand.

When the only language you are given to explain a phenomenon is language you cannot relate to, it only makes sense that you then decide you must not relate to that phenomena.

It's like if I tried to find resources about DID/OSDD in a language I can't understand, putting it through Google Translate a few times, and then trying to read it and then trying to apply it to myself.

There are endless ways to describe subjective experiences, and when you are only given a few descriptions to choose from, it's easy to say "I don't relate to any of these!" when there are billions of other ways to describe the same phenomena.

It's like if you were told to describe an apple, but you were only given three descriptions to choose from, all of which may or may not be true, depending on the size of the apple, what kind of apple, the color, etc.

Like you're given these three options to describe an apple:

Sweet

Green

Large

Like, sure, all three could apple to a wide variety of different apples, but... There are so many other descriptions you could choose from, and these three descriptions may not apply to every single apple. Sometimes apples are not green, and sometimes they aren't so much sweet as they are sour. Sometimes they are small.

But when you're only told that these are three examples of descriptions of an apple, and you're not given any other language, you start looking at red apples or tiny apples or sour apples and questioning "is that really an apple..?"

*This also applies to OSDD if it applies, I'm just a guy with DID and can only speak about DID since I don't have OSDD

#my posts #actuallyosdd #actuallydid #did system #osdd system

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nian-7 · 8 months

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HEYYYYY IT'S ME OF COURSE! Anywho, I assume you know who I'm gonna ask for, my lovely Husband<333 Jouno<333333 and Tachihara because he's the shared husband<333 anyway uhhh so can I request Tachihara and Jouno with a Reader that's like kinda oblivious and always misses things, like um comments and things just kinda fly over there head a lot, like me in every conversation we have ever had :D K, THANKKSSSS<33

HI EVE!! PLEASE ENJOY (get jouno OUT!!)

Jouno, Tachihara, Tecchou x gn!reader

✧oblivious reader

✧fluff

-Jouno is visibly annoyed when you look at him with a confused look when he tries to 'make a move'. He can't believe you're so oblivious even when he's basically just spelled it out for you!

-Genuinely, you remind him of Tecchou sometimes. He wouldn't be surprised if one day he found you eating eggshells with no reason behind it.

-Sometimes he just stands there as if you've said something absurd after. Like how can his bluntness with words still go flying right over your head as if he had spoken in some sort of code.

-Very annoyed with you sometimes. He'd like for it to get through your thick skull sometimes and he'll mention it to you if you're slow on the uptake when he is annoyed with you for being oblivious.

-Bear with him, he's trying to be nice. Key word, trying. He doesn't seem like he is 90% of the time because half the time when he tries to make some sort of move, it just will go over your head. There's no doubt in his mind that it will.

-Poor guy tries to flirt or make some sort of move on you but you just think he's being nice. He does have that delinquent-ish vibe to him so you just think he's trying to be nicer!

-He won't get mad or upset at you for being oblivious, he just gets a bit annoyed. He's made it as obvious as he can and you still aren't catching on!

-He likely would try to be straight up with you about things. Things that he could say without embarrassing himself that is. He wouldn't tell you straight up that he thought you looked cute or anything of the sorts. He'd like to keep that to himself for now.

-Visibly a little dejected when another one of his attempts go straight over your head. He thought he'd have it that time and yet again, you smiled and thanked him when the goal was to fluster you or even get you to realize what he was doing!

-Genuinely thinks you're messing with him after a while. How can someone be that oblivious? Not to say that he's going to give up trying but, he does consider the fact that he might just have to be blunt about it..

-Tecchou is just oblivious as you lets be honest. Things fly over both of your heads and it irritates Jouno to no end. Usually though, you both are very on par with each other when it comes to obliviousness.

-He likely was oblivious to his own feelings at first too. His protectiveness towards specifically you was just something he thought was because you both were close friends.

-I swear both of you would be so oblivious to each others small advances to the other while everyone else is watching you both with annoyance. The signs are right there and you both are completely missing them all.

-Every 'flirt' coming from Tecchou just ends up as a compliment. He'll tell you that you look nice today and you just simply think he's being polite. The poor guy has no clue how to flirt and you're just oblivious to his attempts.

-You both could be acting like a couple and hugging but the moment someone asks if you're together, instant denial. Both of your thought processes are literally that the other doesn't like you back as if the signs couldn't be anymore clear than they already are.

please do not repost any of my work without my permission, thank you for reading.

#x reader #fluff #gender neutral reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs #bsd x reader #bsd #tecchou x reader #tecchou suehiro #michizou tachihara x reader #michizou tachihara #michizou x reader #tachihara x reader #jouno saigiku #jouno x reader #jouno saigiku x reader

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whysojiminimnida · 11 months

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Remember When I Said Taehyung Might Not Be As Gay As We Thought?

Don't judge a man by his milfy wardrobe, he looks goooood.

It was... awhile ago. Maybe as far back as 2021 although I do not feel like link-searching it. It's in the archives if I didn't kill it.

Granted, there was a lot going on, then. There's still a lot going on and until now I had no desire to ever - EVER - return to this hellsite. Because Taekookers are fucking weird, yo. And some of y'all got a lil bit up in my shit too as I (fuzzily) recall. Which: it's whatever. I'm extremely unsocial, don't even answer my own DMs. And it's not personal, so I get it. I don't need or want to defend myself, but I will protect people I care about. With my absence, if necessary.

OT: I also totally kicked the big C while I've been out so that was nice. Yoongi the cat is pleased that his noms will continue uninterrupted. I will be in wigs for at least another year. It's all good. Oh LOOK at what we have here. Don't come at me for publishing this, I will explain.

I got it from actual media days ago, okay, and also: there was no expectation of real privacy. Keep reading. Or don't, I'm not telling you what to do.

ANYWAY. I had to come back, mainly to say TAENNIE IS REAL I TOLD Y'ALL IDK WHY NOBODY EVER BELIEVES ME BUT HERE WE ARE. I'm gloating. Honestly, it's so rude, I'd apologize if I cared. But I am rude and snorfling into my cheerios about this. Tae just made me so damn happy, is all.

LET THE MAN BE BI OR HETEROFLEXIBLE OR EVEN STRAIGHT IDC. Jennie clearly makes him happy. Look at his "I'm going to Paris to see my girlfriend" face!

And in that very specific jewelry look, no less. Foundrae. Again. Still. Hm.

Here's what I can tell you based on my limited third hand no sources no receipts this is probably utter bullshit usual disclaimer: It's a soft open, kids. This whole "oopsie we just so happened to get caught taking a lil walk in public with our managers in tow during which date at least one of us signed several autographs, what a surprise" is in fact a soft open for what will likely be a public confirmation PRETTY DAMN SOON. It might happen before I get this thing published, actually, depending on when I get it up. If it's before May 22 at noon my time, no idea. If after, well. Guess we'll see. Jennie's supposed to show up at the screening of HBO's The Idol that day, screening at the Grand Lumiere at 10:30 CEST. One wonders if she will arrive alone, or bring a plus one. It's a big ask, and if he does it they're probably getting married, that's how big a deal it would be. So I'm not holding my breath, but.

This seems like a reasonable prospect for a plus-one viewing. Might not be the only one but... Jennie's IN IT so.

I'M NOT SAYING THIS IS GONNA HAPPEN. I think it would be a fucking POWER move if it did, but I also do not necessarily expect that it will. It COULD. It... MIGHT. It might not. Either way they're a thing, I'm telling you. They are, have been, a thing. For awhile. And it is apparently quite serious - like up to and including talk of engagement serious.

Remember when a bunch of folk thought that one gummy bear dude was going to jail for "hacking" Jennie's phone only there's been no actual movement on any "investigation"? Yeah. Trickle truthing, they call it. Give 'em a little bit, let them deny it and yell and chew on it for awhile before you give 'em a little more. But c'mon, nobody's wearing half the love-themed couple pieces at Foundrae for no damn reason.

Seriously they got the whole collection almost and both have been seen wearing them almost exclusively. For a year.See airport pic above.

Look, I don't have inside info on Taehyung. I do not. I ain't hang with his friends and I don't know him personally. Never met the guy. But I know a PR move when I see one and this is exactly that.

We all know how toxic stan culture can be. Some ToadlicKKers (and a few of us house elves) are certifiably bonkers, if stan twitter is anything to go by. And the guys, the company, they expect a whole meltdown. They know this is not gonna make half their fans happy. I mean the tkkers have a point in that it looks like they wanted to be seen. BECAUSE IT'S A SOFT OPEN. What Taejen/Taennie/Jenhyung and the companies also know is that based on historic shipper behavior, this is gonna come back on Jimin, Jungkook, maybe Rose' and Lisa. And by extension, the other members. Maybe not as much due to their respective distance, but still. I bet by the time I finish this it will have already started.

Oh look there it is. Fuck those bitches, really.

Good LORDT. I'm not adding the audio, if y'all are that hungry for psycho hose beast Jimin hate hie thee to stan twt.

But, totally off-topic kinda...

... wouldn't it be cool if Jennie, who speaks great English, was hanging out with Troye Sivan and was like "so you know my boyfriend tells me that his bffs..." I'M JUST SAYING NETWORKING IS COOL AND FRIENDS OF FRIENDS GET THINGS DONE OKAY.

You know that girl has the scoop. If Tae knows it, she knows it. Oh heeeeyyy Troye.

Also OT: I love that Taekook have been hanging out a little more lately. It's refreshing. I genuinely think having Jennie in his life has been good for Tae in several ways. And you know, I'm kinda surprised Taennie has lasted this long. I didn't honestly think they would. It warms my decrepit, sad old heart a bit. Turns out I have a lot more to say so IDK IDK, if I feel okay about it I might be back. Right now I'm just waiting for the official Taennie nod and the continued total meltdown.

#oh shit here we go again #taennie #stan twt #cannes #taehyung #kim taehyung #jennie #meanwhile the jeon parks continue unabated but that's another thing #tae in paris #random troye sivan #cannes 2023 #yoongi the cat not the man #why the hell am i even here

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graveyardvalentinee · 1 year

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hii can you do where reader comes back home crying because of people at work making fun of her and saying bad stuff about her relationship with ney

of course lovely :)) thank you so much for your request !! I’m not sure if by “people at work” you meant her co-workers or customers but I just made it where the customers were being rude.

—————————

consequences / neymar jr

pairing : neymar x reader

When I said yes to Neymar after he asked me be his girlfriend , I didn’t realize all the criticism it would come with.

We met at my job - a jewelry store. He had went in looking to buy a birthday gift for his mom , I just happened to be the only available employee.

I didn’t know who he was at first , until after he had asked for my number and left. My co-worker basically screamed once I told her and she revealed to me who he was.

And after that everything was history between us. He was the best boyfriend I could ever ask for , the best partner I could ever have.

He had his own way of loving , and it’s one of the main things that made fall for him so quickly.

He’s easily a charmer.

On our first couple of dates he would always surprise me with small gestures - flowers , books that I had mentioned I wanted, small jewelry pieces , and much more.

I would always protest and insist how he didn’t have to buy me any of that stuff - that those weren’t the reasons why I accepted to going out with him but he would always brush me off , saying how he wanted to give me all these things.

He showers me with compliments any chance he gets , making me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.

I also deeply enjoy his touchy side. Kisses everywhere - no matter where we are or what we’re doing. His hands somewhere on me at all times when we were together. He claims he can’t sleep properly through the night if I’m not there next to him - or wrapped in his arms.

But all that aside - he’s very attentive to me and my feelings.

He always makes my feelings valid , he always insists on talking everything out with me. I don’t think there was ever a time where he’s been unthoughtful towards me.

I was iffy at first - to open up to him about everything but he made me feel so welcome in his embrace , and I easily was able to tell him anything that would be wrong with me.

But today - that all changed. I had never dealt with hatred towards me like this before.

When me and Ney started our relationship I made it clear to him I still wanted to have a normal life - I didn’t want him to expose me to the media.

Sure he would post pictures of us , but none ever showing my face.

We thought we were safe up until 2 weeks ago when the paparazzi took a clear picture of me and ney outside his house.

I tried covering my face once I noticed the paparazzi but it was too late.

The media soon found out who I was through Neymars following - I made the stupid decision of not making my account private.

My co-worker had tagged me in a photo of a work party we had - also tagging the location. I’m guessing that’s how Ney’s die hard fans found my job.

Every day since then it was a lot more busy , people specifically requesting me to take their orders.

When the pictures got out to the public , Ney insisted I quit my job and just let him work for the both us - something he’s been trying to make me do for moths.

But me being me - I told him nothing about his fans going to my job and acted as if the paparazzi spotting us changed nothing in my life.

I now realize that was a stupid mistake.

Earlier today I was helping two girls who had walked in and came straight to me for assistance. One blonde and another brunette , both seeming to be around 16 or 17.

It was all going swell until the questions started.

“So Y/N - how did you manage to snatch Neymar all for yourself ?” The brunette asks.

“I don’t discuss my personal life with customers.” I tried to remain as calm as possible , giving them a small fake smile. This was the first time anyone had actually mentioned our relationship to me.

The brunette looks at her friend , turns back to me and laughs.

“No seriously - are you like a you know service girl of some sorts ?” The blonde asks me now, whispering the last part.

Is this what people think of me?

“Excuse me? I am not!” I fight back , trying to hold back any tears. I have no idea what to do or say.

“Come on , Neymar couldn’t have seriously chosen you for no reason - I mean just look at you. You don’t have much to offer.” The blonde continues , her eyes raking down my figure , gaze filled with disgust.

I shamefully look down. My hands start to shake and no words come out of my mouth.

The girls start to snicker to each other. I can’t make out all the words that their saying because of their low tone but I do hear the words -

“If I knew Neymar went for the first hooker he saw on the street I’d been on that street months ago.”

“Security ! Please escort there two girls out.” I finally get the courage to speak.

“What ? We haven’t done anything! We’re simply shopping for a pair of earrings.” The blonde says , putting on a fake voice.

I look up at our security - Marcus , me and him get along very well and he’s been very aware of all the fans coming in and out of the store.

I mouth a “please” to him , just wanting these girls gone as soon as possible.

“Ladies please do not make me drag you out of the store. The exit is that way.” Marcus firmly says.

The two girls look at me and roll their eyes before walking out of the store.

I grab all of my stuff from the back room and clock out , not caring to warn anyone about me leaving.

I get into my car and rush home. As soon as I step into the house I burst into tears , letting myself fall on the floor.

When I left the store I didn’t even check the time - 5 pm.

The exact time Neymar gets home from practice.

My mind was so fogged with everything that had just occurred I didn’t even have time to notice Neymar on the couch.

His eyes look up and meet mine. He rushes up off the couch and comes to my side.

“Amor what’s wrong ? Por que minha linda garota está chorando?” He softly says holding me in his arms. [why is my pretty girl crying ?]

I’m so dumb. I should have went to my friends house or something instead of coming here. The last thing I wanted was to tell Neymar about the humiliating things they told me at work.

I bring my hands up to my face and wipe my tears off , trying to get out of his tight grasp.

“It’s nothing Ney , I’m fine.”

“Y/N everything is obviously not fine. I’m not letting you go until you tell me what is wrong.”

“I’m serious querido , everything is fine.” I try to get the words out and put a smile on my face but my tears betray me.

My thoughts going back to what those girls said of me , making me cry ever harder.

“Look at me” he whispers.

I look up into his eyes , my vision blurry with tears.

“Take your time amor. I’ll wait here for you to tell me what is wrong , you know I am always here for you. What ever it is you are going thru I won’t leave your side.”

He won’t budge , and it’s no use to keep it in , im sure those girls will upload the conversation we had to the media and Ney will find out one way or another.

“These - these -” I try to get out but more tears end up falling.

“Breathe amor breathe , I’m here for you , I’m right here.” He whispers , kissing my temple.

I take in a deep breath and finally calm myself. Ready to tell Neymar everything that had been happening.

“Ever since the pictures got leaked there’s been more and more customers coming into the store , specifically requesting me to take their orders - I’m sure you can figure out why. Everything was fine tho , no one asked any questions just eyed me a lot and looked very excited to be assisted by me. Until today - these two girls came in and told me the most horrible things.”

I can tell he’s bothered by me not telling him about the customers coming in but I continue before he has a chance to scold me about that.

“They asked me -”

“God. They asked me if I was your whore. They said I had to be a worker in that department of some sort because there’s no way you’d choose me out of thousands of girls.”

“Y/N -”

“Before you get mad at me for not telling you about all the people coming into my job , I’m sorry I really am - I should have spoked up earlier. I now see you are right about the whole quitting my job thing.”

“Meu amor I could never be mad at you , specially over something like that.” He begins

“What those girls said is no where near true and we both know it. You know why I chose you-”

“Do I really know why tho? Why did you chose me Neymar? You could have any woman you want.” I interrupt , a wave of insecurity going over me.

He drops his arms from around me and helps me to stand up , walking me over to the couch. He sits down and grabs my arms causing me to straddle his lap ,bringing one of his hands up to the side of my neck and letting the other rest on the outside of my thigh. Reaching up he gives my forehead , cheeks , and lips a small kiss before speaking -

“I chose you because when I walked into that jewelry store my eyes went straight to you. I could not take my mind off of you for the next week after that. I had to make you mines. I found any stupid excuse to go back there and just speak to you.”

“You have changed my life im so many unexplainable ways Y/N. There’s no other woman that I could ever dream of when I have you right here - all for me. You are the light of my life. I love and adore every single thing about you , you have bewitched me mind and soul.”

“I like to believe you were made just for me because there is no other woman on this earth that can make me go crazy like you. I will continue to show you-”

He leans forward laying gentle kisses on my neck.

“Every single day-”

His hand on my thigh starts slowly finding its way to my clothed center.

All my thoughts from what those girls told me earlier completely vanished , my focus now being on Neymar’s words and his hands making every inch of my body hot with desire.

I can tell he’s doing this to take my mind off things and it’s definitely working.

“That you are -”

I can feel his hard on under me so I decide to move forward - just a bit to tease him.

“The most utterly breathtaking-”

His hand at my neck now making its way to my behind , giving it a tight squeeze , causing me to roll my hips forward onto him again.

“And perfect woman for me.”

His face comes up from my neck before he smashes his lips on mine , i kiss him back immediately with everything in me.

I pull away to look him in the eyes and wrap my hands around his neck.

“I’m tired of us hiding linda. Eu te amo , e você merece ser mostrada como a beleza que você é.” [I love you and you deserve to be shown of like the beauty you are]

“Eu te amo mais.” I say back pecking his lips.

“And okay amor you win. But I’m really going to miss our privacy time together.” I add.

His hand leaves my center and comes up to my behind , giving me a squeeze before picking me up , causing me to squeal.

“We can have privacy time all the time princesa, just give me a heads up , the answer is always yes.” He says smirking before carrying me up the stairs while ripping off all my clothes.

“You’re crazy Ney.”

“Only for you meu amor.”

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

a/n : okay first off - i had to use the pride and prejudice quote i just had to. i know it’s definitely not something ney would say but this is all fiction so let’s imagine like he would lolll.

also i feel like i drag out these imagines a little too long or i go a lot into detail , that’s how i like my writing but if you guys do feel like their a bit long please let me know and ill make them short or if you guys enjoy them this length or even want them longer please let me know.

finally thank you again for who ever sent in this request i really appreciate you taking interest in my writing and thank you guys so much for 100 followers ♡

#neymar jr #neymar #neymar fic #neymar jr one shot #neymar x reader #neymar jr imagine #psg #footballer one shot #footballer fic #footballer imagine #footballer x reader #pinterest #ao3 #neymar fanfic #fanfic

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sthormiiii · 5 months

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aaravos headcanons !! (again)

i've put a little more thought into this ones~

General headcanons:

- hes so strong, or, well. he used to be. ofc he's naturally very strong, but ever since his imprisonment he has been sitting down a lot, he doesn't work out much in there (too busy being sad and plotting revenge) so, when he gets out and notices that he struggles to lift stuff up, that annoys him.

- he tried his best to stay away from humans at first, but it was so hard for him, he promised himself he would just take a look, just to see how they live from closer, nothing more!! we know how that went.

- him before the fall was such a nerd!! he still is ofc, but before all the trauma he used to be just a guy interested in humans! just picture him trying the human rayla thing the first time he went to humans.

- one of his favourite things was observing human couples togheter. yeah this might sound creepy i know, but he genuinely enjoyed watching two people just...being in love, and he always noticed the little gestures they did for each other- he would try to keep track of those, trying to understand what exactly being in love meant.

- that ties to the fact that startouch elves usually don't fall in love? because there isn't really a startouch elf society, they mostly live by themselves- that's another thing he loves about humans, the way they live togheter and create families.

- zones out a lot. he has so much stuff he wants to say, so many things in his head and he gets caught up in in his own thoughts so much

- he reads people very easily. notices the slightest things when talking to someone. especially looks at their hands and body language in general

- after he shattered the mirror in s4 he realized he couldn't look at himself anymore and went "-oh." so, NOW his hair is messier and he has to look at his reflection in vases or stuff like that. he's annoyed

- he sleeps in very specific ways with very specific kind of pillows and stuff. if he ever has to sleep somewhere else, his whole body hurts the next day

- he laughs loud af, can and will laugh like a maniac if he finds something THAT funny

- craves love and validation. wants to be praised and likes being at the center of attention

- he loves physical contact and tried to get it all the time, even small things like knees touching when sitting besides someone, or holding hands made him feel so happy

- his love language is quality time and physical contact

- hates getting sick, it makes him feel vulnerable and weak- it used to happen a lot because that man refuses to wear a shirt even in winter, and humans used to take care of him as much as they could! (he secretly liked it)

- first time he got sick he thought he was dying

- genuinely forgets how tall he is compared to other people, doesn't realize how menacing he can seem

- gets offended easily

- he!! likes!!!! bugs!!!!!!! I can't stress this enough

- he's ticklish. I won't elaborate.

Angsty ones:

- he hates himself,, he hates how he looks after his fall. he feels shame and guilt everytime he looks at himself

(s6 spoilers) him crying while looking at his reflection in the e1s6 made me think of this even more, he literally looks at his hands and see he's not glowing anymore and then. sobs.

- after losing so many people, he no longer grieves as much as he used to. if he stopped and really thought about it, he would cry, but he usually manages to block those thoughts out

- speaking of crying, once he starts he can't stop. he could cry for so many hours straight there's just so much stuff he went through and he needs to let all of that out...when he cries the stars on his cheeks shine more

- other than sadness he also has lots of anger inside. he sometimes snaps and throws punches against the walls of his prison, or he throws stuff around, making a mess. he then feels even worse

- he misses looking at the stars more than anything. yes, it's painful for him and he hates them. but he also just wish he could stargaze again.

- his nightmares manly consist in people he used to know, haunting him. he dreams of people who betrayed him, and he also dreams of being unable to move or do anything, being chained or just forced to stay still as people he used to know are there, watching, but don't help. sometimes they're happy dreams, of freedom and love, but even those leave him crying in the morning

- he is scared to love again

- as soon as he's out of that pearl he will sob. i know he will.

help its 2am does these make any sense...

#tdp #the dragon prince #aaravos #tdp aaravos #headcanons #headcanon #writing

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lamestteenagegirlever · 4 months

Text

as a book reader i ADORE the series but if theres one thing i love more than anything is seeing baby percabeth from an unbiased perspective bc theyre so cute but also percy is so LAME like hes so embarrassing i love him. like in the books hes just like yeah i think she looks like a princess and we only hear his internal thoughts so i LOVEEE actually seeing how awkward he is with his crush on annabeth.

its so cute and i honestly think pretty important for the viewers because it rlly helps to drive how young they all are and how insane it is that theyre being put in these crazy situations. like his dorky face when annabeth smiled when he started singing the consensus song? his voice cracking after annabeth laughed at his potty joke?? the look of brief panic on his face when he realized grover saw the face he was making when he hugged annabeth back followed by the really awkward smile??? THE WAY HE WAS THINKING ABOUT THE FACT THAT A PRETTY GIRL HUGGED HIM FOR SEVERAL DAYS STRAIGHT AND SAW ANNABETH WAS ACTING WEIRD SO HE ASSUMED SHE WAS DOING THE SAME BUT SHE HAD ACTUAL SERIOUS STUFF TO WORRY ABOUT SO HE JUST ENDED UP TELLING ON HIMSELF???? LIKE THAT IS ACTUALLY SO EMBARRASSING I WAS DYING WATCHING THAT PART. THE WAY HE INDIRECTLY ASKED HER ON A MOVIE DATE AND WOULDNT MAKE EYE CONTACT EXCEPT FOR A MILLISECOND TO SEE HER REACTION BEFORE DARTING HIS EYES AWAY SO FAST????? THE TUNNEL OF LOVE SCENE OVERALL?????? THE WAY HE LOOKS AT HER LIKE YOU CAN LITERALLY SEE THAT HIS PUPILS ARE DILATED IN A GOOD COUPLE OF SCENES WHEN HES LOOKING AT HER LIKE THIS LITTLE BOY IS DOWN ASTRONOMICALLY HE IS SO FUCKING LAME. like we obviously knew the way they were both ready to sacrifice their lives for eachother in a heartbeat and how well they complimented one another and the way they changed each others world views and made the other strive to be better versions of themselves like ive known they were the blueprint since like literally 2nd grade like that didnt stop me from repeatedly bawling my eyes out over it but thats not the point. like we knew this and we could see it in the books but we couldnt see, or at least not fully see, how big of a stupid embarrassing crush percy had on annabeth and how she obviously feels the same way but is better at hiding it like oh my god i love them i wanna squeeze them until their eyes pop out like those old pens at the scholastic book fair do yall remember those?? im sorry guys im so autistic pjo and specifically percabeth has been my special interest since i was 7 and now 10 years later i get to watch them on tv in an adaptation WITH YOUNG RYAN REYNOLDS ARYAN SIMHADRI AND THE ONE AND ONLY MISS LEAH JEFFRIES thats almost entirely book accurate but also adds in fun stuff that works great in the plot and for the most part even better than the original scenes in the books bc the show is how rick would write the series NOW with all of his new gained writing experience like im actually going to explode the show is so good

#percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #percy series #percabeth #percy pjo #percy and annabeth #annabeth chase #leah is my annabeth #leah is our annabeth #grover underwood

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goorehound · 1 year

Note

YOU WRITE FOR WATCH DOGS 2!?!?! Holy shit, sorry haha 😅 I got excited because I thought no one wrote for that game anymore

May I ask for anything, literally anything, with Wrench and a gn reader? I saw in your bio that requests were open? However, if that's not the case, feel free to ignore this.

Anywho, have a pleasant day!

you are my new favourite. i was dying for somebody to request some Wrench stuff, and I’m more than happy to oblige. I picked out a prompt from my prompt list to help me get an idea, and hopefully it hits the spot! this was super rushed because I was eager to get it out (I was way too excited for this dude)

#21 acting even more foolish around them than before

mildly nsfw, 18+, Wrench x GN!reader

Heart Eyes

Wrench was a weird fucking dude. It did not take long for one to notice that - three minutes in a conversation with him will give that away easily. So you were used to his odd behaviour and it barely made a blip on your radar. It was just Wrench being Wrench.

But lately things had felt a little stranger - specifically within the last couple weeks. It started with something small, nothing wildly absurd. He’d come over to you from his own work station, his finger rested in the hole of a donut that he then presented to you.

You looked up briefly from your work to accept it, giving a double take as you eased it off his finger. “Thanks?” You’d expected to see a box, assuming that Wrench had just gone on a coffee run for everyone and brought back some treats.

“You’re welcome.”

But it was just him and a singular donut. Wherever he’d gotten that from.

He nodded, watching silently as he clamped his hands behind his back as you took a bite - furrowing your brows and giving him a weird look before starting to return to your work with mild amusement.

“Cool.” He’d said decisively before fucking back off to whatever he was currently taking apart. Okay. The energy there had been kind of awkward, but it was mere seconds later that you completely forgot it.

The next scenario could certainly be brushed off as simply a drunken slip up. You had all been drinking after a success, celebrating and sharing jokes while lounging in the common area.

Your conversation with Josh had just finished up and you turned, intending to share the joke you’d told with Wrench. You heard a garbled noise and some static before Wrench lurched forward and hung his head down, startling enough that you jolted backwards.

“You okay? What’s up?” You crowded a bit closer after the initial surprise, bracing a hand on his shoulder. He spluttered and coughed before nodding, and you could see liquid dripping slowly out of his mask.

“Did you,” You were already starting to laugh. “Did you talk with a mouthful of beer?”

Another pathetic nod before he was placing the half empty bottle on the table and pushing himself off the couch.

“Be right back.” He muttered out and oh my god. Perhaps it was simply the buzz you were riding but in his absence you and Marcus laughed yourselves sick over it.

The next time you guys had gathered for a hangout, not nearly as jovial as the last and with far less alcohol, a more melancholy gathering. It had been a shitty day for everyone and you’d all congregated on the couch to offer moral support, quiet and sparse conversations.

Wrench gave a heaving - dramatic - sigh and fiddled with his phone. “Alright. I’m gonna go for a smoke.” He turned to you this time, LEDs displaying question marks. “Do you wanna come for me?”

Flashing exclamation points.

“With.” He corrected in a rush, sitting straight up. “With. Do you wanna come with me? Fuck. Never mind.” And then he was practically booking it out the door, leaving you with a startled and amused smile on your face. You caught Horatio out of the corner of your eye, his chin was tucked against his chest and he was shaking his head. Clearly trying to hold back laughter.

You didn’t think much of these things. They were just funny. Maybe Wrench was just a bit out of it lately, and it was all pretty funny.

Like when he’d aimed to lean his hip against the counter when you were explaining some programming to him, and he’d completely overshot it and ate shit.

Or when you two had gone out drinking alone and you’d stumbled out of the booth, and his instinctive reaction had been to reach out to steady you. He’d torn his arm back like he’d been burned when he instead ended up with a handful of your ass, apologizing profusely and ending up with his face buried in his arms for the next ten minutes.

But when you followed that up with the time you bent over to get something and he sliced his hand open with a loud and very aggravated cursing fit, his sudden fascination with getting you food or some little gift when he was out for a while, or the way he’d begun almost stumbling over himself to talk to you or be there one to sit next to you - him being weird didn’t quite cover it anymore.

Okay. You were giving yourself too much credit. You’d seen some heart eyes flashing in your direction. Literal, bright white hearts.

So you made the connection. Maybe a bit slower than the rest of your friends, but you weren’t that oblivious. And you weren’t uninterested. You’d been entertaining that idea since the first week of knowing Wrench, the whole spikes, tattoos, voice-modulator and dorky personality had really done it for you.

You couldn’t recall what Wrench had been rambling about, his half delirious rantings that fit perfectly in the far too early hours of the mornings. Each of you perched on the couch with your own red bulls, keeping the place alive long after everyone had called it quits for the night.

Eventually, when Wrench kept stumbling over his words and cracking lamer jokes than usual, you placed down your drink. Watching the bright question marks light up when you shuffled closer to him, wordlessly grabbing either side of his head and delicately planting a kiss on the front of his mask - careful to avoid the spikes.

Honestly it was a little scary when the usually expressive screen went black. Unresponsive. Slowly, as the fear that you’d misunderstood crept in, you released his face. When you started to ease out of his face he sat up hastily.

Snagging your wrist to keep you from drifting too fair. “Wait, wait, wait.” He spoke in a rush, reaching up to practically rip the mask off of his face. It was his turn now to cradle each side of your face and lead you into a proper kiss.

His lips were warm. Slightly chapped, but you you didn’t really find yourself minding all that much. Soon enough he was pulling you into his lap, running his hands over your back soothingly while the spikes of his vest dug into your palms where you braved yourself against him.

“Fuck, you taste good.” He complimented, which brought a smile to your lips.

“That’s the redbull.”

“Oh.” Was paired with perhaps the sweetest little laugh you’d ever heard, and you were quick to join in until you were both chuckling heartily. And then he was kissing you again, stealing all the air from your lungs and making you dizzy. His hands were firm on your back, just as firm as yours were against him. Reminding each other that this was not some sleep deprived lucid dream.

Teeth were nibbling at your lips, and he kept letting out these bitten off noises that made your head spin, and fuck. You could get used to this.

#no beta oopsies #wrench x reader #wrench watch dogs #watch dogs 2 #watchdogs legion #reginald blechman #dedsec #fic #ask

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knickknacksandallthat · 6 months

Note

if you don't mind me asking, what got you into kevin's character?

for me it was actually your fic, but since its so normalized in the fandom to dismiss his trauma and call him a coward and annoying for doing things that other characters are loved for, i didn't really care about him when i first read the books

now hes my favorite

Oh, anon, I love this!! What an honor, I’m so glad to have helped you join the Kev lovefest 😊 (Welcome to the dark side lol!) It makes me so happy that the A Fallen Star series has awakened this in you! 💖

And wow, what a good question. I don't mind at all! I actually had to think about this for a while to try and remember…how the heck did I get here???

So here is my ridiculously uncalled-for POV on Kevin’s character and slow descent into madness below:

(Disclaimer that these are just my thoughts and anyone in the aftg fandom can hc or think whatever they like about Mr. Day 😊)

Like you, anon, I was easily swayed by Neil’s perspective of Kev on first read. It makes sense and is a credit to Nora how we so fully buy into Neil’s opinion of Kevin that many of us just run with it. And to be fair to the fandom, it’s canon – Andrew, Neil, and all the Foxes tell us he’s a coward and annoying and so we assume it must be true.

So, I created many fics that played into this image and focused on andreil. (Because who isn’t enamored with andreil??? Legit, deranged obsession and couple goals lmao). Using that lens, it was easy to make Kevin the punching bag because he is the quintessential “straight man” in comedy (and yes, I do hear the irony in that) – the foil to other characters to make them seem better, braver, funnier, smarter, etc. It’s an age-old trick/trope in fiction that works very well. And it was an easier transition for Nora to make, I think, once she made the decision to remove Kevin from the main narrative of her story.

This character setup works well enough when you’re doing a fic from Neil or Andrew’s POV, providing an easy source of humor to fall back on. So, for me, I think my thinking shifted once I started working on Flavors of Fall and delved into Andrew and Kevin’s storyline there. That fic forced me to think from Kevin’s perspective, and I found at the time I had a shallow understanding of what made Kevin tick. It totally threw me once I really started considering sequels for that fic and the 12 Day Program for Courtship, both of which have Kevin cast as a main character. I had to dive deep into his makeup, seriously considering his motivations, his likes/dislikes, his personality traits, his relationships, and how he would react in any given situation.

Because I was interested in his character development, I started delving into fics like orionauriga’s just pretend , @likearecordbb's Long Walk in the Woods, @thetrojeans daylights, sunsets, and @dayurno's the age of no regret series. They are all brilliant, fascinating character studies of Kevin Day and his relationships that are extremely well done. There’s many more, of course, but I was searching for fics that specifically delved into Kevin’s thought process and choices and stayed there a while.

That’s what led me to feeling like I needed to tell his story with Dead of Night. Of course, it turned into a larger series with my flavoring of Kerejean added because I’ve never been a huge Kevin/Thea relationship fan. (But that's a discussion for another day which you can start here and here for that adventure.)

Now all that I’ve described above gives you the mechanics of the descent – the when, the where, the how. But it crucially misses the why. What is it about Kevin that got me in the end?

Ironically enough, it was his potential.

I think when Nora stripped away any kind of romantic narrative (RIP Kandreil OR Riko/Kevin/Jean) or a chance for a tragic storyline (Kevin dying in the end) it resulted in removing a lot of Kevin’s emotional vulnerability. We don’t get to hear what he’s feeling or thinking unless it’s related to Riko, the Moriyamas, or Exy. This means his storyline is consumed by the stereotypical sports underdog story, with us following his rise to champion (which is still a powerful enough narrative on its own that shines even in the midst of Neil’s crazy plotline. Switching that racquet to his left hand in the championship game? Iconic.)

However, it leaves us very much with a shell of a person. Kevin’s character outside of Exy is reduced to a handful of facts – there’s a passing comment on his like of history, and the stark evidence of an alcohol addiction as a coping mechanism. We’re told he used to dance. That he learned French because Jean Moreau taught him. That he has no qualms about taking (mild?) drugs (cracker dust). Despite how much we’ve run with it as a fandom, the only allusion I’ve found in the books to him being strict with diet is this section from The King’s Men:

“No one needs to eat this before a game,” Kevin said. “Eat some granola or protein if you’re that hungry.” “Hello, there’s protein in the peanut butter,” Nicky said. “Let go of me before I tell Andrew you’re outlawing chocolate. I said let go. You’re not the boss of me. Ouch! Did you seriously just hit me?” … “Kevin, just let him go,” Neil said. “It’s not worth fighting over.” “When our defense is sluggish, we all suffer,” Kevin said.

From what I can find in the books, Kevin never once denies Andrew eating ice cream. (Which I’m 100% able to admit I might have missed something so feel free to quote me where that scene is because I was totally searching for it). In fact, every time they go to Sweetie’s, it’s implied Kevin orders ice cream with them. In the infamous kissing scene in The King’s Men, we actually have proof that Kevin got ice cream:

Kevin still hadn’t messaged Nicky by the time they reached the ice cream aisle, so Nicky gave in and called him. Neil half-expected Kevin to ignore Nicky’s call, but Kevin wasn’t so sour with them that he’d turn down a free snack…Nicky grabbed spoons from the kitchen and distributed pints to their hungry owners. Neil checked his expression when Nicky came back from dropping Kevin’s off….

Now I do think it’s in line with his character and his upbringing to have issues with food, so I’m all for buying into that specific hc. But we have very little evidence of it in the text.

His personality is reduced mainly to anger, arrogance, or cowardice (all traits that don’t make us sympathize with him). The only facts we have about his Tragic Past™️ are two things: his mother’s death, and his hand injury. Everything else we assume is based on Neil’s knowledge of the mafia, Wymack’s hearsay, Andrew’s deductions, and Kevin’s reactions to Riko and Tetsuji. We have literally no idea what happened to Kevin in the Nest. His trauma and his time spent there is a complete mystery. The closest we get is Riko’s comment to Neil in The Raven King:

“I am going to love hurting you,” Riko said, “like I loved hurting Kevin.”

This, I think, is one of the main reasons many of the fandom “dismisses” Kevin’s trauma in comparison to Neil’s because we can’t see it. We don’t know what happened and we don’t get to experience it, so this lack of explanation or motivation leaves us only with very cold personality traits. We’re unable to root for him as a character because we can’t sympathize. We can empathize because we know Very Bad Things™️ must have happened in the Nest, but we don’t see them happen the same way we do Neil or Andrew. Even Kevin’s hand injury is old and “healed” when we’re first introduced to the character.

The only true canon moment where Kevin appears “human” is in The Raven King with Kevin’s “then run” and “you should be court” conversation with Neil. His admittance that Neil’s life is more important than Exy is instantaneous – he doesn’t even pause to throw his Exy dreams down the drain if it means Neil can survive. In a weirdly parallel way, we see Kevin’s thought process implicit in his conversation: “at least you’d have a chance.” It is strikingly similar to Neil’s internal conversation of: one of us should make it. (And there’s another whole separate discourse I could get into on how Kevin and Neil are two halves of the same coin, but we’ll save that for another day.) But even the revelation of Wymack as his father has more shock value than true emotional weight – we never see what that conversation looked like or how either party actually reacted. (In some ways, I feel like Dan being pissed at Kevin is given more “screentime” than Kevin’s response to telling his father and how Wymack reacted.)

So with Kevin’s emotions and past firmly locked down, we’re left to brush off Kevin’s reactions (or lack thereof) as part of his indifferent personality. It is what it says on the tin. (And that’s not to say Kevin is a perfect character by any means. He has flaws just like every other character.)

Now some people very accurately depict and buy into those limitations as simply being Kevin’s character/personality – I’ve read some awesome fics where Kevin is Ace/Aro and/or on the spectrum. These are completely valid, extremely well done, and I could totally see why others see and write him this way. Canon practically sets them up for it.

For me, though, it circles back to our skewed view of Kevin given to us by some deeply loved but also deeply flawed characters (cough, Andreil). Those same characters that we’re told time and again not to judge them by their cover but to try and understand how they’re affected by (and make choices because of) their trauma.

While Andrew and Neil end up giving each other this grace through a hard-fought battle of truths and exchanges, they do not extend this same courtesy to Kevin, and neither are we given the chance to do so. We literally can’t because, again, we don’t know what the full extent of Kevin’s trauma is.

Kevin doesn’t talk about his time in the Nest to any character, meaning we know nothing about it. Ergo we don’t know what choices Kevin makes because of it. In The Foxhole Court, Wymack specifically tells us Kevin was Riko’s pet. In fact, there is so much specific language that Kevin himself uses around the concept of ownership, and that Nora uses when referring to him that it jarringly sticks out in the text. He has no sense of personal space or proper boundaries, viewing people only as assets to be used for the good of the team, which at the very least is a sign of mental abuse. But the fact remains that we just don’t know. We don’t know how far this mental abuse was taken, how often or severely he was injured, if he injured or was forced to injure others – we don’t know.

But it’s obvious whatever happened to him started as a child and built from there. Which means he has years of abuse and power dynamics embedded into him. He has every right to be afraid. In fact, we are demonstrably told and shown often in canon that Kevin is afraid…but fear does not equate to cowardice. In fact, we know that bravery often means being scared and doing something anyway. And in many cases, that’s just what Kevin did (with a crutch named Andrew). But even before he entered his deal with Andrew, it's important to remember that even though he was brainwashed and beaten from a young age to understand that he would die if he betrayed the Moriyama family in some way, he left them.

This is always so significant to me because so many abuse victims stay in their situation thinking/hoping/praying it will get better – either because of an idea that their abuser will change (“they’re just having a hard time at work rn”) or that the victim will fix whatever flaw the abuser finds lacking. Or alternatively, they recognize the situation is bad, but they can’t leave because they feel like they have nowhere to go, no one who will help them, trapped by their lack of skills/contacts/money. In Kevin’s case, both situations rang true. And yet he left. He left, and in only a year and a half’s time he recovered from his injury and led his team to the championship.

But he is only at the start of his recovery. I think he’ll need years of therapy to recover from all that happened in the Nest. I think many of his emotional and social shortcomings are a direct consequence of that timeframe and he did not have the freedom to address them until the threat of the Moriyamas was removed. I do not think they are permanent parts of his personality – I think in time, he will be allowed to grow and recover and contribute much more to his relationships than he’s capable of doing at the end of The King’s Men.

Though the series finished, I think Kevin’s story is just beginning.

That’s why I think he’s fascinating to explore as a character. That’s why I love writing him right now because in many ways, his possibilities are endless. There’s so many opportunities to explore different facets of his story that we never get a chance to in canon. Kevin’s character and narrative is a tantalizing tease which many of us have fell hook, line, and sinker for. (Including yours truly.) We want to rabidly sink our teeth into it and shake it, like a dog with a bone.

So we do. 😉

Phew. Okay, that’s enough. None of what I’ve written above is new I’m sure to those of the fandom who have been here since the beginning or have become diehard Kevin fans. But thank you for letting me ramble in this ask, anon. Writing about Kevin has been a very fun and therapeutic adventure for me. So I’m so glad that there are others out there who are enjoying it too 😊

#thanks for coming to my TED talk about Kevin Day #it could actually be an entire series but you know...character limits #kevin day #tumblr asks #lovely people #thanks again for the ask anon!#aftg #all for the game #neil josten #andrew minyard #david wymack

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romanarose · 17 days

Text

All right, I lied I’m talking about it again

CW for mentions of sexual assault, CSA, supposed, pedophilia, fandom, discourse, kink, etc, etc

First, let me explain to those confused, what happened and then I’ll defend myself and then we’ll leave it there because once I go through everything your opinion is just going to be based on your point of view and I can’t really argue you out of that which is fine, so just go ahead and block me if you think I’m a creep weirdo or anything else that Radiohead says

Today as I am in class packing up my shit to leave right after my presentation I get a notification from a Tumblr mutual that said that a Tumblr blog I’ve never heard of or interacted with is posting about me in a harassing way so I go and I check it into my surprisethey posted screenshots of my most recent fanfiction. I miss you Mr. Miller.

The post explicitly called me a pedophile. I’ll share the screenshots, but the username as far as I can tell has been cropped out of everything. If you want to send and ask to this person and say your peace, I can’t stop you, but I ask you not harass this person, and simply report the post, if you know who it is

In one of the re-blogs or an answer to an ask, they called for mass, reporting my blog

No, I don’t say this to say that people who have been through what I’ve been through can’t be pedophiles or abusers, because they absolutely can but I say this to say why I had such a reaction to this and why I write the things I write

I have been a victim of child, sexual abuse was stocked, threatened and sexually harassed by an older man. When I was 17, lost my virginity to rape and 18, and then was raped again at 19 so believe me when I say that throwing around these words is shocking to me to just call me a pedophile. I write the things I write, innocent, reader, virgin reader, daddy kink, because of the things that I have been through sometimes as a reclamation of the experiences that I have suffered, sometimes as coping sometimes as comfort depends on the story.

No, let’s talk the specific issues

1. Shoes. Before I saw any of this, someone had DM me politely mentioning the shoes saying that they looked like child feet and that they wanted to make sure they were adult feet. I responded back that when I found the shoes on Pinterest they didn’t say anything one way or another, but I specifically look at the descriptions of clothing items because I don’t want to use clothing items that aren’t made for adults. If I can help it however, reverse image search shows that those are in fact an adult size and an adult model.

2. The dress once again, when I found the dress on Pinterest, I had already sorted out several dresses that I liked that first glance, but when I look at the description they said, teen or tween. It’s hard to tell right away it was certain styles there’s no model the dress is meant for what age I remember in my young adult hood when I was still dressing feminine and was a much smaller size. I sometimes found clothes at thrift stores. I thought were cute and would later find out they were meant for teens or twins, such as life.

2 Readers. Reader is 21+. Me personally I don’t put reader is 18+ in all my stories or my age gap stories, nor do I expect to see them when I read age gap stories in other peoples works, because I just assume everyone is an adult unless there’s some thing that tips me off against that, however, straight off the bat, the idea of being fucked in your childhood bedroomI feel like implies that she is one no longer a child and two doesn’t live there anymore. A couple chapters in, her and Joel are at her apartment and she was buying a new mattress having an apartment in itself implies at least 18 buying a new mattress is something you do in your 20s lol because no one was still in their name is gonna get excited about a mattress sale on Presidents’ Day. Then she was out drinking with Joel in a bar and yes, minors can get snuck into bars all the time I was a minor snuck into bars, however in this particular context, it just doesn’t make sense because Joel reader were already afraid of being seen together together. Joel wouldn’t want to add buying drinks for someone under 18 and taking them home after the bar to the list of worries and I know that in a lot of countries, the age of drinking can vary but in the US we’re both I live and where Joel fictionally lives the drinking age of 21, hence 21+ no none of the stuff I mentioned guarantees and reader but to me it’s coding in the same way that the people making accusations towards me are saying that reader is “coded“ as a child

3. Sex in the church. This was an afterthought in the person‘s post but I’ll address it anyway because they’re losing their mind that I mentioned having sex in a church for the context of the thick. Specifically, they had sex in a church bathroom, not in the actual sanctuary, or the pews, or anything however, for the record, I don’t got a problem with fanfiction having sex in a church because it’s not real. I would never actually have sex in a church, I try to go up to avoid going to a church as much as possible. The fanfiction isn’t real, it can’t hurt you

Lesson fucking learned, explicitly say reader is 18+ every time or someone is gonna accuse you of being a pedo

In the end, it’s not gonna change anyone’s minds. Because if you think that calling someone daddy, being hyper or liking to be babied, anything like that, makes you a pedophile, then I can’t really ration my way out of this.

However, I want to say thank you to everyone who reached out. A lot of blogs I’ve never interacted with a lot of friends, mutuals and on or blogs that I’ve followed on here for a year. Now I’ve reached out to me and offer their support which I really really appreciate and I cannot appreciate enough.

Hopefully I can still enjoy my cousins wedding this weekend and get my schoolwork done that I need to before going back to classes on Monday and that this doesn’t make more worse my already precarious mental health. But I’ve gotten so much love in so many kind words that it’s hard not to feel grateful for the amount of support I’ve gotten.

Between this and a minor hoopla about my pride even, I’m kinda sick of tumblr sometimes but y’all remind me of the good

Yes, you can re-blog, and if you wanna know who it is then ask someone else that’s fine I don’t really care that much. I just don’t want to be dog piling the person.

However, please report it. Because people are still sharing it, and commenting and liking especially about the shoe size

That’s it that’s my peace

#discourse #tw rape mention #cw csa mention #Cw discourse

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trashlama · 11 months

Text

Heeeeeyyyyy.... guess who's ADHD can't let them write for shit?~ This bitch✨~

I suuuuuucck guys I know! I did a poll and everything just so I would have to write some of these! I just couldn't help but get side tracked.... My brain is in the LMK and Spiderverse fandoms!!! Though I will say I basically got this Rise Donnie x Big Mama Assistant req almost done. Almost I say. We'll see if I post it in the next two days and not something else random instead.... I suck lol

Anyways— here's my 3am thoughts from the other night that I'm finish up tonight ironically at 3am again. Soooo bare with me these are basically a bunch of summaries/plots/not fully flushed out possible one shot ideas I might do. Probably could've re-read it a couple more times buuuuttt it's about to be 4 now so....

I hope you guys enjoy!

Sorry this is long↓ I don't own these memes. I've never claimed to do so. I just come across them on Pinterest when I'm on break at work and think they're funny so I like to share them. If I mistakenly put one on here that I shouldn't have please let me know! I like to respect people's wishes. And if you could add the creator names too that would be great so the same mistake isn't made twice. Sorry for the inconvenience that my sharing may cause. I hope you have a good day.

+++++++++++++++++++

Sooooo I was going through the Across the Spiderverse tag(specifically Miguel O'Hara) because you know he's hot. Priorities— Anyways— I kinda had an idea. Brahhzz what if I just took the whole Miguel kidnapping his dead wife/lover's alternate dimensional copy deal that everyone has been throwing around and introduced a new take on this tale?

We all know that the Spiderverse is very open to a wide selection of possibilities and versions of Spiderman and we're all aware that the same thing applies to other characters as well. Soooo who said that Y/n has to be a civilian/or a version of Spiderman for this idea to work?

My fellow peeps I introduce to you Earth 2099 Miguel O'Hara x Villain/Alchemax worker/Morally Grey scientist Reader!

I can kinda see this playing out in a few ways.

1.)Villain reader investigating the strange phenomenon that occurred a couple months before hacking the multi verse and stirring up trouble. Miguel intervenes and takes what he wants.

For the last year since the bizarre phenomenon in downtown Brooklyn you've been stirring up more trouble than you typical due to collecting the materials needed for your "experiments" to figure out what that phenomenon really was and what the hell was Alchemax —your ex-employers— were up to with your research. With some finessing of the illegal kind you figure out what the corporation was up to. Before being fired you had discovered the existence of the multiverse however before you could investigate any further you were let go. Now that you have your research back you're able to Doc Octo this shit and break into the multiverse. If you could pull this off nothing was stopping ya' from fulfilling yer goal and maybe scoring some fame while you were at it. After some convoluted ass science mumbojumbo. You manage to Doc Octo this shit and break into the dimensional web that held the spider verse. Inside the alternate universe you immediately start messing up shit straight off the back as soon as you fly through the colorful portal. Miguel is quick to pick up on this anomaly and sends some Spiders out to handle the issue. Long story short— they fail. Forcing Miguel's hand to go and correct the anomaly himself. Only to find that it was you. Her. His dead wife/or dead lover. The only problem is that you're obviously not a good guy. Miguel being Miguel will try to rationalize it to himself as he demolishes your equipment/suit that you're not his Y/n, you're a villain, he can't keep you without risking a whole universe just for his selfish desires. However as he stood over your defeated helpless form. He decided. If one anomaly can exist and not destroy existence why can't another? There were ways around this. There had to be. Holding you in his grasp again the hero wasn't sure if he could let you go once again....

2.) You're an inventor/scientist that works at Alchemax/or your another rogue scientist . Either way you're looking to get into the Spider verse. Since the phenomenon from a couple months ago you've been intrigued by the strange occurrence. The news labeled it a "strange weather occurrence" however you knew that wasn't the case. If you're working at Alchemax you've known about the phenomenon since the beginning. If you're an inventor/scientist (with some grey morals) you found out after some research and trespassing. Either way your tinkering pays off thanks to the help of some stolen tech from Alchemax and an interesting glitch from the hacked tech. You eventually have yourself a fully operational universe hopping watch. And where do you end up? Right in the middle of Earth 2099. Miguel is immediately alerted of your presence. An obvious stranger to this Jetson world you find yourself quickly apprehended by a small group of spiders/or Miguel. Either way the red & blue leotard nosferatu as soon as he catches sight of you the dude is all over you. Miguel may be a man who would like to believe he is in control of himself and his rash decisions buuuuttt that's gonna be a nah. Never had the Spiderman ever expected to speak to an alternate version of his dead wife. Especially in person. Every time he's stolen a glance it was from a distance or behind one of his various monitors. He couldn't risk ruining another verse. However somehow regardless of his attempts to keep his desires at bay you've still managed to break past that last thing that was keeping you from him. Now that you're here the thirty year old wasn't sure if he could let you leave him again...

3.) What if instead of breaking into the multi verse. Alchemax employee/Morally Grey scientist Reader! is lured into the multiverse? In your home verse the Miguel who you had married was dead. Struggling with piling debt and depression you choose to bury your problems under research into the weird phenomenon that occurred in downtown Brooklyn a few months before. During this time of trial and error you figure out how to access the multiverse thanks to some misplaced Alchemax files and risky choices. The documents aid in building the device that would aid in your plan to find your ex-husband's alternate universe copy. All the while you were walking right into Miguel's clutches. Cause like you Miguel was having an equally hard time getting over his family's death. Although they are gone the widowed father couldn't help but, search for his loved ones amongst the various worlds that rest at his finger tips. He needed them. He needed you....and you needed him. Although you guys weren't from the same earth you both can replace the pain that was birthed from this tragedy and regain something more. Just be a family.... Hopefully you want to play his game because Miguel couldn't watch from the sidelines any longer.

Alrighty guys that's all for now! Sorry if they're a little all over the place. Regardless I hope you guys liked them and I hope you guys have a good week!

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mrsackermannx · 1 year

Text

all about: levi and your curly hair…

for my curly people <3

tags: curly haired reader/and or poc reader, suggestive themes (breeding kink, mild sex), bullying mentions, micro aggressions, small ocd mention for levi, modern au! and dad! levi, fluffy drabble, afab reader but no specific body part mentions.

wc: 1.2k

###

the first thing levi noticed about you was your hair, the way your curls glinted in the morning sun. whether it was tied back, or your curls were framing your face and falling in hypnotising waves. there was something about it that drove him crazy.

when you and levi finally moved in together, he watched curiously as you replaced both your pillowcases with silk ones. changed his hair towel to a micro fibre one, and stacked up your products on the shower shelf. that’s why you always smelled so fucking good, your deep masque, your conditioner, curl cream, all of it smelt so fucking amazing. it smelt like you and he loved it.

he even bought travel sizes of your conditioners for when he went away on business trips, just so he could smell you when he was away.

one time you told levi about the teasing you recieved through school, people calling your hair messy, wild, telling you should brush it out, straighten it. he was livid, how fucking dare they, “it’s perfect as it is.”

when you told him the flip side, people always asking to touch it, your lip curled when he said, “how stupid, you’re not an animal, people don’t ask to do that with straight hair.”

exactly.

“….they were jealous. your hair is beautiful there’s nothing messy about it.”

levi started to notice how people compliment curly hair, ‘so cool’ ‘wow it’s so crazy!’ just like you’d discussed with him. he hated that you’ve ever felt pressed to flatten your pretty curls away with heat because of stupid comments such as these amongst other things.

the idea of someone reaching out to touch you or your hair made his blood boil.

levi too thought the handling of another’s hair was intimate and or laced with love, he loved the care his mother would take with his hair as a child, making it neat for him, because otherwise he could not sleep knowing it was slightly uneven.

as an adult, levi came to quickly discover that he couldn’t relax without coiling his fingers through your curls at least once a day, watching them spring beautifully. even if it was just one. it was funny because you never thought you would like somebody playing with your hair, but you loved when levi did it, love in his fingertips, a lazy smile on his lips. springing his favourite curls while you cuddled after a long day.

###

he remembers the first time you moved his hand to your hair, feeling your locks fall against his fingers, he rubbed at your scalp, smiling at the way you relaxed. he didn’t want to make it a big deal, but his heat was thudding. you’d been together not even six months yet, but this was more intimate than hand-holding to him.

carefully, he played with the curly lengths, gently, not tugging his fingers through it, no—he handled it with care. “your hair is so pretty,” he whispered, kissing your forehead. you tore your eyes away from the movie, your gaze softened.

Your mouth opened and then closed, before you simply smiled, “…thank you, levi.”

he switched you below him, your curls fanned about the sofa cushions, levi thought you looked like a princess, “im so fucking lucky, you are the most beautiful thing i have ever seen.”

that night as you made love, you urged levi to slot his fingers through the strands above your nape and pull. he did so, delighting in the way you moaned, melting into your embrace, telling you how beautiful you were and how good you were taking him.

###

the first time levi washed your hair was after years of living together, when all the possible walls between a couple had dissolved. you were more comfortable with levi than you were alone and vice versa.

one week, you were swamped with work, tossing your hair into a ponytail every morning. levi noticed because he loves when your curls are out and free, they’re gorgeous. but he knows it’s a lot of work sometimes. so when you sighed as your finger caught a knot, tossing aside your silk scrunchie. he had already made his mind up.

levi had been watching youtube tutorials for this very moment. “want me to wash it for you?” he asked, tentatively.

“huh? you sure?” you answered, eyes shining.

“let me. it’s good i get the practise. plus, you know how to wash mine,” he shrugged simply, a sweet smile on his lips. “it’s no different, i should know how to take care of your hair too,” he added firmly, kissing your knuckles—hearing no complaints.

you nodded. and god were you shocked with how well levi had done. you were confused at first because he did it a little differently to you. slathering conditioner through your mid-lengths before his fingers worked your scalp, washing away the bubbles of your clarifying shampoo.

he watched your face scrunch curiously.

“it’s good to condition your hair before, so when the shampoo rinses through. your hair won’t get too dry.”

levi knew what he was talking about and it was fucking hot. “been reading up on this?”

“maybe,” he purred, detangling your hair tip to root. “ends to roots, just like you taught me,” he hummed cockily, working in your stylers with fínese.

“so pretty,” he murmured, though completely to himself, his fingers smoothing frizz away as he clumped your curls together with your wet brush. cupping each section and scrunching it into your microfibre towel, before squishing the water out.

“sorry, my hair takes so long,” you mumbled. levi normally waited for you to wash your hair, but he’s clingy even if he won’t admit it to anyone other than you.

“ill do it for you from now on, if you’ll let me.”

“if you don’t mind,” your cheeks were on fire, other than sex there was nothing more intimate than this.

“of course i don’t—i want to.”

when your hair was dried, you couldn’t believe how good it looked, you’d never seen it look so fucking good in fact. you’d gotten compliments all week, and a few people even stopped to ask of your routine.

you grew to love these rituals, it made you closer, you didn’t have to spend hours in the bathroom, moodily detangling your hair anymore. levi was an earnest learner as always. some soft music, candles, levi oiled your scalp, braided your hair before bed, massaged in your shampoo, come to think of it, you’d always washed his hair when you showered, he was right. why would it be any different?

“y’know earlier, you said—it’s good to get practise, what did you mean?”

he laid you down beneath him, pressing suggestive kisses along your jaw, “what’d’you think, sweetheart?”

“levi?”

you locked your arms around his neck, “well…when we’ve got curly haired brats running around here, i want to be able to-“

you pulled his lips down onto yours, and in minutes you were nothing but boneless and hoarse beneath him. “i love you, thank you for accepting every part of me.”

“i love all of you, down to every perfect detail.” he thrusted harder and delighted in your sounds.

“im ready f-for you to!”

he pressed his palm against your stomach, “how long have we wanted to do this,” he moaned, “how long have you wanted my cum in here?” his fingers worked on your clit.

“so so fucking long!”

###

when you both had your first daughter, levi exclusively handled her hair in the mornings, doing the prettiest hairstyles with butterfly clips and hair pins. the teachers all cooed at levi when he did the school run, “…told us that daddy does her hair, is that right?”

they all crushed on him, so so hard.

levi grinned, pointing to his curly haired wife leant against the car, “mmhm, mommy’s too.”

he grinned as you waved over, already planning the detour to your favourite car sex spot.

#levi fluff #levi x reader #levi aot #levi x you #modern au levi #levi drabble #i think doing somebody’s hair is so intimate omg msjdjaksksks #levi would take sm care in doing your hair #100000%#he loves when you do his #he simply had to learn #as somebody mixed it feels important I start to write things like this 🥺#levi would love your curly hair <3 #had this in my drafts for a few weeks <3 #minors do not interact

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kaondecay · 1 year

Text

Yes Wolfwood as Judas, but also Wolfwood as a psychopomp? I feel like that’s closer to how he sees himself, anyway. Not a priest, but an undertaker. Once Knives/the Eye of Michael decides someone should die, there’s no saving them; if Wolfwood didn’t do it, someone else would. Really, they’re already dead- Nico’s just taking them across the river.

Being assigned to keep Vash *alive* for so long is an odd twist, but (at least in the beginning) it’s not hard to convince himself it’s just more of the same- it’s not the first time he’s gained a target’s trust so he can lead them to their death. Vash is just another dead man walking.

In Stampede specifically, the incident with Rollo highlights how he doesn’t quite see himself as “one of the living” either- he thinks he & Rollo are inhuman. Really, they both died a long time ago, and it’s just a cruel trick of fate that they’re stuck haunting this godforsaken desert world until the Eye of Michael is done with them. (Wolfwood is just “one really well-prepared dead guy”, hauling his own tombstone everywhere he goes.) Letting Rollo finally cross over is a mercy. So it’s jarring for him to see Vash treat Rollo like he was still a person, like there was anything left for him in the world of the living, like his death was anything but an exorcism. Wolfwood can convince himself Vash is just naïve, but it still puts the first crack of doubt in his worldview.

The sand steamer turns that crack into a fracture. Wolfwood believes that death is the only mercy he can give Livio right up until Vash knocks his shot off-target. The stubborn seed of Vash’s hope digs its little roots into the gravestone Wolfwood made himself, and Nico allows it for the sake of his baby brother- if any of the Eye of Michael’s lost souls deserve a miracle, Livio does. (and it *works*, if only for a second! And then he and Vash undo the death sentence Legato set on the orphanage, and it gets much harder for Wolfwood to keep writing himself and Vash off as a couple of ghosts who just haven’t found their graves yet.)

It doesn’t stop him from doing his job guiding Vash to the gates of the underworld in the end, but at that point it’s clear Vash is headed that way regardless of Wolfwood’s intentions. (Could the Grim Reaper stop an angel from walking straight into Hell, if the angel wanted to?) But afterwards he’s released from his contract, and his first act as a free man is saving Meryl's life, which is about as direct a rejection of the psychopomp role as it gets.

I don't think it'll save him in the end, but I'd love to see Wolfwood have a shot at being an Actual Fully Living Person for a while- 98 Wolfwood never really got the chance, and Maximum Wolfwood ran off to get himself killed pretty quickly after rejecting his role by saving Vash from the ship. Wolfwood's biggest tragedy in the other 2 iterations is that he came *so close* to attaining a peaceful life surrounded by people he loves- a life he didn't even let himself want until it was too late, because he thought he'd given up too much of his humanity to ever deserve it. Only at the very end does he see that his ticket had been blank all along- he was never really a spectre of Death, he'd been a living human person this whole time, and the people he cared about loved and accepted him for who he was. It had all been within his reach.

(Except that it wasn't, because this is The Story Where Wolfwood Dies, but that's a whole different thing. Narratively he was a psychopomp after all but in the end he guided himself across too or something. idk.)

#trigun #trigun spoilers #trigun meta #trigun stampede #nicholas d. wolfwood #this all came out much longer than i meant it to lol #i just think the imagery is neat #i'm extremely normal about this show and everything in it why do you ask

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directdogman · 9 months

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hello there dog!!! firstly, i just want too say im incredibly proud too see how far you have come, dialtown is so special too me, and for not only that game to be so loved, but also for you too be so involved in the community, is amazing keep up the great work! i do have a question, i am working on a theory pertaining to my favorite characters gingi/milton, and if i may, i have a couple questions about him specifically, if you don't mind of course :) 1. what made you come up with the design/personality of gingi?

2. what are your personal feelings/thoughts on gingi? are you satisficed with them as a character? or are there anything you wish you could change now? 3. this is a wierd one but, gingi generally does not really care what he looks like/what others think, so im really curious why hes so meticulous with making his phone/type head, and if he is so bent up about it, why not try to get someone like Oliver to make him a more proper one? instead of replacing the rotten flesh over and over

4. idk if you can answer this one, but i dont think it can hurt to try...was gingi around, before callum lost his mind?

if you cant answer this, then i have another, what flower would best represent gingi?

Milton question:

ok so....did Callum just straight up cheat on his Marla with Milt?...or am i mistaking something? what i read on the wiki says that milton and Callum had a romantic...fling?

2. did norm know milt? where they friends?

3. does mingus know at least some of the extent of miltons involvement with callum?

4. are there any plans with milton? he seems like such a cool character with crazy potential

that's my questions done, again thank you if you answer! and if not, thank you for making a truly special game, cant wait too see more gingi and dialtown in the future

1)Design for Gingi was primarily based on Frankenstein's aesthetic applied to a the chupacabra. Personality was largely ripped from quite a few unpublished stories/ideas I had before making DT. There's a few protagonists in other things I'd written as potential new game/story ideas that are eerily like Gingi.

2)I'm really really happy with Gingi as a character and I wouldn't change anything that I've established. I like how Gingi starts the game and changes by the end because it's pretty vast, but also not a complete change (and it happens very very gradually.)

TBH, outside of Gingi's interactions in DT, the fandom doesn't really know anything concrete about Gingi due to Gingi's poor memory. Until Gingi formed real human relationships, there was nothing to anchor to, just fragmented and barely remembered individual interactions. Honestly, the bigger picture is really interesting and I'm very happy with Gingi as a protagonist and I'd love to make sequels to DT as I've had concrete ideas for where the character would get up to in potential sequels for years now!

3)Gingi's flesh-head is a bit of a mystery. Gingi doesn't have the same adverse reaction to rotting things that most people do, but does have a general chip in its shoulder about being judged as lesser by others. Gingi (generally) does not make efforts to change its appearance to be seen as less repulsive by others, as we can plainly see from the fact Gingi often forgets (or refuses) to wear clothes.

4)I have all the main character date of births written down, so I could tell you Gingi's exact age... but it's more fun if I don't.

FOR MILT:

1)I'm not really sure why the wiki says that. There's no canon materials that state that Crown + Milt had an affair together. I think someone just read between the lines and stated their hunch as a fact.

2)Norm and Milt met but didn't know each other well. There was a cut mention of Milt in Norm's dialogue, but after a lot of head-scratching, felt the topic was too forced. Norm wouldn't have volunteered the information unless it was relevant to the scene and Gingi would not have asked.

3)Mingus knows about Milt, though not intimately. The only person alive during Mingus' lifetime who could've talked about Milt to her was her grandmother Marla, who was a husk of a person for Mingus' whole life (and in particular, talking about Milt would've hurt too much for her given their closeness.) Mingus knows about Milt from her obsessive study of her paw paw's presidency, but not much more than any historian/social studies teacher would. A lot of information I'd consider very important about Milt was never put to paper.

4)I'm not 100% sure why the fandom likes him as much as they do, given how little of him the fandom has seen (and how little information there is about him out there so far.) I just wanted a few references to him included in canon so I could potentially reveal more about him one day without fans wondering how this SUPER important character had never been mentioned. It's incredibly likely that I'll show more of Milt in future DT stuff due to how instrumental he was in Crown's decision-making + rise to power. There would be no practical way to expand on Crown without discussing Milt more.

There's a much bigger picture that the fandom hasn't seen much of that Milt is very important to, though it isn't often relevant to the modern day events of DT. Understanding Milt isn't important to understand DT itself, but is to understand both Crown and exactly how the world (and by extension, Dialtown itself) ended up exactly the way it did. And with time, I will discuss that some more.

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accirax · 17 days

Text

initial thoughts on DCAS episode 7

very notable that this was within the context of being about "love" specifically. (at least) one-sided trevek canon? (i'm not even a huge trevek shipper i just think this whole plotline is funny)

okay, so Yul's foot injury IS real. or at least, he's using it as an excuse to complain. still, the fact that it was brought up again an episode later makes me think that it's going to have SOME relevance to the plot.

any time that Yul has to parrot something in Emily's "you go girlfriend ;D" manner of speaking i cackle. he didn't choose the home decor saying any time is wine time lifestyle, the home decor saying any time is wine time lifestyle chose him.

Grett i am... genuinely confused. how can you possibly think that Yul is actually in love with you? did you really receive THAT little love in your home life? you have no ability to distinguish catty and fake praise for your accomplishments from real ones because your family gave you THAT little recognition? man. now i made myself sad :( ily Grett

okay, confirming that 1) it was Tom's trap, 2) they are willing to eat squirrels, 3) Tom is serving as the provider for the Cyan tribe. all things to take into account for any upcoming Cyan eliminations.

why

and how does said boyfriend feel about you kissing another man on television, Tom? this is a stupid lie.

again, why? it's probably already apparent from my earlier comments, but i changed my mind; i'm fully with Jake in this argument now. sure, Jake is really insecure and overly emotional, but what the HELL is Tom doing? making up a boyfriend is a really shitty thing to do, whether Tom had a legit reason for not calling Jake these past two years or if he didn't contact Jake due to his own mixed feelings/indifference. in either case, he should have told Jake the truth. at least when Jake was acting immature in S1, he was 24. Tom is a nearly 30 year old man. ACT LIKE IT.

Fiore slay

this is a really interesting response due to how vague it is, including in the vocal performance. was he taken off guard by his boss being nice to him? does he believe that she's telling the truth? does he feel bad for Trevor, or will he come to believe that he IS way better than Trevor? i'm glad that they're continuing on with the concept of the hosts having a plotline, because imo that was one of the highlights of S2, but they aren't doing it in a way that eats up as much of the screentime as it did in S2.

if Will was out of the picture i would be shipping these two so hard. who am I kidding, i kind of still am anyways.

Ally's other gf is here :,) glad that they got to reconnect (and neither of them were eliminated for it)

Fiore slay

the confirmation that Aiden thinks that the idea of him having any attraction to Tom is laughable and disgusting is HILARIOUS to me. bro really said, "why the hell would i be into YOU when i have JAMES lmao" straight to Tom's face. tbf, James and Tom are like... opposites in terms of personality and appearance (beyond being generally handsome and athletic young men).

"silly me, i keep forgetting that not everyone met their super cool and attractive boyfriend on reality TV. my bad!" (/pos)

(i tried to type "hubby" instead of boyfriend but i spared you all. it was too cringe even as the one subjecting others to the cringe.)

okay this was very fitting for her. iconic.

honestly, Alec and Riya's villainous alliance/friendship is really fun. leave it to Alec to always find himself in the least likely but most entertaining duos. Riya really benefits from being paired with a legitimate strategist, and someone who won't just let her totally get away with stuff.

we had to get in one last Fiore taking unnecessary damage for the road :,(

feeling like Jaiden is going to be winning the starting couples' survival roulette. and Wishley, to the extent they count.

now i'm no physicist, but how did this work? shouldn't the ball be a fast and heavy enough object at this point that it would jump over the log, not ricochet off of it? i suppose if the ball is made of something more like wicker than yarn, it could be a bit more likely to do that. but then why is it going to the side? it hit the log straight on!

... are you not allowed to help him anymore? what?

ellie is going full villain mode fr. if her and gabby's relationship gets messed up, that would definitely be karma. but, i suppose she survives this episode...

this is funny because nobody strikes me as the pizza and soda loving type. Alec, Grett, Yul, and Riya all seem like people who would want to eat something that's both fancier and healthier.

communication W (for both of them)

Fiore is such a best girl that she's not even a salty juror. she's not mad at them for so long that she can't use her final moments to throw a wrench in the works for everyone else. the grind never sleeps, clowns <3

and she even conquered her greatest nemesis, the bus, this time. fly high, queen. i'll miss you.

well, as a Fiore stan, this episode was a bit sad for me. but, i do totally understand why Magenta would both vote for Fiore and lose the challenge. (damn you, Ellie...) Fiore already did super well in both S1 and the original Adventure Camp, so i understand why they wouldn't have her go super far again in this season, especially when everyone knows she's such a threat.

i just hope that we can still get a little more closure for her and Alec than we got already in this season. all it has to be is, like, him being sad at her elimination for reasons other than pure strategy and maybe a nice conversation at the finale. it doesn't have to be Alec finally adopting her... even if i did want that to happen... i'd just prefer to know that they leave things on good terms.

anyways, another really solid episode! i look forward to the next one. thanks for reading!

#disventure camp #dcas #disventure camp spoilers #dcas initial thoughts

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ravenrune · 1 year

Text

I have finally got a new laptop, so I celebrated by writing a Carlos fic. Fluff/Hurt/Comfort. Brief mention of death/murder. Word count: 1013

The First "I Love You"

Quietly and carefully, Carlos unlocked the door to your shared home. He was desperate to get inside and finally go to bed, but he didn’t want to wake you. Waking you would mean explaining himself straight away, and he'd rather put that off by another couple of hours. At least until his brain was awake enough to not get too emotional or confused, anyway. And if you did wake up, you’d know something was up right away, because he wasn’t looking too good.

Undressing himself in the bathroom, Carlos winced. The wound on his arm had already started to heal, but everytime he accidentally brushed against it, it still hurt pretty badly. He made a mental note to himself to not lie down on that side before sliding into bed with you.

You had just fallen asleep when you awoke to the feeling of something moving beside you. Groggily, you sat up and switched on the light on your nightstand. Carlos was sitting in bed next to you and shot you an apologetic look. “Hey Y/N. Didn’t mean to wake you, sorry about that.” His voice sounded rough.

“Carlos?” You were fully awake again in an instant. “Carlos, what the hell happened?”

There was a large cut on his forehead; it was still a bit red around the edges of the wound. He was also spotting a black eye and you could see a bandage around his upper arm.

He shrugged lightly. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s something,” you replied, worried. “Did you get into a fight? You promised your job only consisted of rescuing people, not fighting anyone! You specifically told me you never wanted to fight anyone ever again.”

Carlos looked away. “We don’t fight people. We’re not supposed to, anyway. But my team was attacked by some fucking organisation that deals in bioweapons, and we had no choice but to defend ourselves and the people we were trying to get out of there.” He sighed. “It’s fine, baby, it’s just a couple of scratches and bruises. They’ll be gone by the end of the week.”

“Could you please look at me?” You asked softly.

He turned to face you. He looked hurt. You could see in his eyes that he was upset about whatever had happened exactly.

“Carlos?” You placed your hand on his arm. “You’re not okay, are you.”

Carlos looked away again and quietly shook his head.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Carlos shrugged. He couldn’t do it. Not now. You had only gotten together relatively recently, and while he trusted you, his fear of driving you away from him made him feel extremely anxious. “I can’t,” he whispered.

“Why not?” You scooted closer to him and rested your head on his shoulder. “You can tell me anything. I told you that before. I won’t judge, but you have to understand I worry about you. Even more so if you keep things to yourself.”

“I don’t want you to leave,” he replied in a low voice. “I’m already attached to you.”

You thought for a moment. Thought about what might have happened. There were a handful of things that might cause you to leave him, but you doubted he’d ever do one of those things.

“What if I promise I won’t leave?” You asked softly. “Did something happen while you were trying to protect yourself and your team?”

Carlos nodded. “Yeah… Yeah, you can say that.” His hands were shaking, and he tried to force them to stop. It took every cell in his body to keep his composure. He wasn’t going to break down. Not right now. He just wanted to sleep, he was exhausted.

“What was it?”

“I killed a man.” He just blurted out. “I killed a man, because had I not done that, he would’ve killed my medic.”

There it was. It was out in the open now, Carlos thought to himself. Now you’d leave and he would find himself alone again.

You remained silent for a couple of seconds. “You killed a man that works for a fucked up organisation, to protect someone essentially innocent?”

“Yeah.”

“And you thought I would leave you because of that?”

Carlos laughed, but it didn’t sound sincere. “Yep. And I wouldn’t blame you if you walked out right now.”

You wrapped your arms around his shoulder and placed a small kiss on his cheek. “I’m not going anywhere,” you whispered. “I’m going to be here until you either kick me out or hurt me. And I doubt you ever will.” You paused for a second. “Hurt me, that is. Dunno about the kicking out, of course.”

“Are you crazy?” Carlos sounded almost annoyed. “I need you, Y/N, and sometimes it seems you need me, too.”

“You can say that again,” you sighed. It was hard to imagine life without him already. You’d never lost your heart to someone that quickly before. “Either way, do you want to tell me more about what happened? Talking about this sort of thing is important.”

“I know, the shrink told me that many times. But… I don’t want to talk right now, though. Maybe later. I just want to cuddle up to you and get some damn sleep.”

“Okay.” You lied back down and pulled Carlos towards you. He immediately turned off the light and wrapped his arms around you, trying to get as close to you as physically possible.

“You gonna leave some room for me to breathe?” You asked, half joking. It sure felt good to have him close to you again. You were always worried when he was off on another rescue mission, so him coming home safe always felt like getting blessed.

His grip around you softened a bit, but he didn’t move even a centimetre away. “Sorry about that.”

“This is perfect,” you sighed. “I’m glad you’re back home.”

“Same,” Carlos muttered. “Hey Y/N…?”

“Yeah?”

“I eh…” Carlos hesitated for a second. “I think I love you?”

You smiled, obviously invisible in the dark of the night. “I think I love you, too.”

#resident evil #carlos oliveira #carlos oliveira x reader #ravenrune writes

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