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lizacstuff · 3 years

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Merhaba friends - SCK episode 35 asks

(Fragman 36 ask at the end)

Apologies to those of you who sent asks for last week’s episode and I didn’t answer them. The week got away from me and then suddenly it was show day, the episode aired, and the asks were no longer relevant. Even if I didn’t answer I appreciate you reaching out!

Anonymous said: I’m dying to know what you thought.

While my ego would like to think that there are a variety of subjects that people might seek out my thoughts on, I’m going to guess you want to know what I thought of episode 35.

I had a mixed reaction. I liked a lot of things, loved a lot of things, there were some things I found disappointing, and a few characters I wanted to strangle. So let’s explore from that perspective.

Liked:

Romcom feel was back. It felt lighter and was easier to watch than a lot of eps in this arc.

Aydan, Ayfer and Seyfi working together to unite the kids. They were actually funny and trying to do the right thing, even if their methods were a bit morally gray.

Serkan and Eda’s photo on outdoor advertising and on the cover of magazines. We’ll ignore how quick the turnaround was to get those photos up, it was just plain fun to watch Serkan see himself on his drive into work and be embarrassed and aggravated by the whole thing, while there was also a little spark of excitement from him in being linked to Eda like that. That was enjoyable.

Melo is always the best bestie and Ayfer didn’t suck as an aunt!

LOVED:

Most every individual Edser scene.

Serkan out-of-his head with worry, planning to jump into the frigid sea, even though he wouldn’t have any shot of saving her that way. That’s my ride-or-die, protective romantic robot!

Serkan making faces as Eda plans her wedding. Excellent work from Kerem here.

Eda buttoning up Serkan’s shirt. That was hot. It was also hot that he just let her.

Sekan buttoning up Eda’s dress (get a room kids and start going the other way... unbuttoning, UNBUTTON) This scene was emotional and the sexual tension!

Serkan clutching his chest. The poor boy was about to have a panic attack right there. Follow through, writers, give him the full fledged panic attack!

The hair caught in the button (There’s that button again!) sequence. it was funny and sexy and made Selin into a foolish, immature third wheel. I’m all for it.

Serkan apologizing to Eda for Selin, that was big because up til now he hasn’t really recognized how awful Selin is in most situations. He has blinders when it comes to her, mostly because he doesn’t pay attention, so it was satisfying to see him acknowledge her bad behavior.

EVERY MOMENT AT THE BOLAT HOUSE. That was a great sequence, and IMO we mostly have Hande and Kerem to thank for it and not the writers. They brought it to life and obviously a lot of it was on them to just figure out what to do in the scene. I loved that Serkan saw Eda amongst the flowers in that painting. Swoon! their conversation about how they were both hungry was hilarious. Every moment with them fixing the sandwiches was gold and then it just got better from there. With him being willing to share food, to the throwback “mesala” conversation to her listening to his heart. All so... so... good.

However, while we definitely deserved those nice, long, funny, heartwarming scenes, I must say the writers didn’t use them to their fullest potential. How did the night end? How did they part? Why was no progress made after spending the night that way? If the writers were even half decent at their job they would have had Serkan confess some feelings while high, but not remember in the morning thus giving us the parallel with episode 11 when he was sick. Eda would have felt defeated when he didn’t remember, again, and it would have made more sense why she thought the fake wedding was her last shot at getting through to him.

Characters I’m mad at:

Ceren knows the whole episode that Deniz loves Eda, she knows he’s being weird about it, she makes up with Eda, and stills says nothing? WTF?

Engin makes it to the wedding, he knows Serkan has his memories back and he doesn’t stop the wedding to let Eda know before she says yes? WTF?

Ferit allegedly has the photos and he thinks the wedding is real, but he doesn’t show Eda the photos so she has a better idea of what she’s getting into? WTF? (though through that whole Ferit/Selin scene I wondered if Ferit was just playing along with Selin, trying to get info out of her and he’s not really the one who has the photos. Time will tell. )

Selin/Deniz- Obvious, psychos, I need them freaking gone. How Deniz can claim to love Eda, but sit there and watch her look devastated and cry her eyes out at the thought of fake marrying him, while knowing he’s about to pull a disgusting trick is unfathomable. He needs to be committed.

Disappointing:

To be clear, I no longer care, but I can’t believe how badly they flubbed this storyline. That? That was the payoff for the hell we’ve been put through for 7 weeks? Wow talk about not worth it and anti-climactic. I’m not going to go on about all the ways they failed, but I could.

While I fully believe that Serkan fell back in love with Eda before he got his memories back (see this post) he should have confessed to Eda before he got them back. That was the whole point of this entire storyline and they carried that the entire time, but then fumbled the ball at the 1 yard line. Good grief, these writers are bad.

Serkan gets his memories back, he knows time is of the essence, and he still is torn and has to think about it? WHAT? Just no. Ridiculous. I realize they did it for maximum suspense, but they shouldn’t have. They really shouldn’t have.

That was their reunion after all we’ve been through? Come on, writers, step it up. I realize we no longer have the writers that gave us his love declaration in 11 or Eda’s and Serkan’s proposals, or their make up scene in 28 or their goodbye scene in 28, but this was lackluster.

So, in summation, there was a lot that I really enjoyed, I thought the episode flowed better than some of the others in this arc, and lots of great individual Edser moments, it’s just the way they flubbed the whole storyline. I’m just so glad the amnesia is over, that thankfully I don't really care.

Anonymous said: when pushed by engin and aydan multiple times in the episode he never denies he ISN'T in love with her and rather skirts around the issue and deflects with "she's marrying deniz!" which should be proof enough he fell in love with her especially considering in 29 he was telling eda that "there was no such thing as love" between them. it was almost reminiscent of eda in 10/11 where she doesn't tell him her feelings bc she believes he wants selin, this time in reverse bc he believes she's moved on.

This came in response to this ask, and yes I agree. I should have hit that point harder, that Engin and Aydan ask him and he never denies it. When this arc started he would have denied it in a flat second.

He fell in love with her again, full stop. It’s just a shame that they didn’t make it the entire crux of his love confession, we deserved to see that. Just one of the many ways the writers dropped the ball with this storyline.

Anonymous said: The whiplash we got going from 26-28 to the drag of 29-35 though. 🤦🏼‍♀️ and you really could cut out that entire storyline and you wouldn’t be missing anything because really nothing happened. They didn’t even have Serkan stopping Eda before he got his memories back to fulfill a basic assumed foreshadowing. Like....huh?

I don’t want to be negative, but it’s crazy to me that they sped through wedding prep at a lightning pace and then went through this painful amnesia storyline at a snail’s pace. They should have had at least 5 episodes of wedding prep, doing just one pre-wedding activity per episode, but kept Babaanne around to create the drama. I wanted at least one episode of them back together, but keeping it secret so they could work against her. We were robbed of that!

Anonymous said: I know we’ve been hating a lot on the new writers but the showrunner still has to sign off on these scenes right? And it’s been the same one this whole time. What has she been thinking? Maybe the writers didn’t do their homework but surely she can tell that scenes being very out of character wouldn’t make sense?

Bold of you to assume there’s a showrunner as we know them on a Hollywood show. I assume you’re talking about Asena, but I always think of her more of a cross between an EP and a network exec. A bit more removed than a showrunner. I have no idea who the guiding light of this show is since Ayse left. The production timelines are so tight, I don’t think there’s time to review scripts and reject them. Sometime I think it’s a wonder anything makes sense at all.

Anonymous said: I see you've giffed some of the edser "questionable positions" bookshelf scene. (Awesome gifs btw). Honestly, that entire scene was really funny, with the rest of the art life crew jumping in. Even Selin made me laugh when she came in there and said "how did her hair get stuck?!" and Serkan very sarcastically replied with something like "I wound it up in there, what do you think??" Not to mention all the very close face talking that was going on!

Great scene! Here’s the gif set you’re referring to. I suppose the writers proved they could do fun, and romantically comedic scenes if they want to. More like this, please.

Anonymous said:

With these past 5 (?) episodes with these last set of writers, I truly believe that they did not go back to watch SCK at all before writing. Any past references were probably given to them on a checklist or something. Like I don't know if they even watched episode 28 with how they ended up doing away with the memory loss. Its kind of astounding how much they dropped the ball. Hopefully the rumors of new writers are true and they get enough episodes to give us a good ending to this story!

This came in right after the episode, but unfortunately, we learned today that we are apparently not getting new writers, at least not for episode 36.I was fully convinced we were since Sefkat (the production company twitter admin) liked Yasin’s post when he said we’d be getting all new writers for 36. Normally I don’t believe anything Yasin says because he has lied so many times that any info he actually has just comes across as a clock being right twice a day. However, when she liked it, I found that convincing. Also the way they cancelled shooting on Saturday and H/K were in for a meeting on Friday. Seemed like it was all adding up. We’ll see, maybe there will be new ones for 37??

As for not watching what came before, it certainly feels like they only skimmed and watched certain scenes and didn’t do a deep dive on the series. Watching all the eps in full should be a requirement before they start the job. I always feel they are just off with Serkan’s characterization, they don’t quite get him and they turn him a bit into a cardboard cutout of early Serkan. It’s like the character sketch outline of Serkan, but with no depth.

Anonymous said: When I saw the character description of the new cast member added to the show I was like "great, another possible screen space filler in regards to Aydan" but after watching the episode, I was actually really intrigued by his character. I know there's a bunch of theories out there that Serkan is actually his son, which I don't really buy into right now, but nevertheless he was a real potential to be a father figure in Serkan's life... and maybe the only guest character to not be a villain lol.

I’ll tell you this, that casting makes it seem like they at least want us to think he’s Serkan’s father. He’s way better looking that Alptekin and he just looks like he could genetically be responsible for the magnificence that is Serkan.

We’ll see what they do. I think it could be interesting, just because until Serkan met Eda he was so invested in being “Serkan Bolat” that having his identity shaken like this would be seismic for him. It could create some really good drama for him in all his relationships without tearing apart Edser. Also, if Alptekin knew it would go along way in explaining that relationship. Alptekin always demanding perfection and the cold way he sent him away to boarding school. It would explain why he could never earn his father’s love or approval, and that knowledge might give him some peace.

In addition, and a big plus, it would mean that his biological father was NOT responsible for the deaths of Eda’s parents.

Anonymous said: 1/ everyone for weeks was waxing poetic and had super detailed headcannons of how serkan would remember in really specific ways when he realized he was in love, something that ayfer kinda poked fun of at the beginning of the ep talking about the fake wedding, but i was genuinely laughing out loud at serkan and engin accidently getting into a fight and him yelling throughout it that he remembers and engin pushing him in front going "can you give him one good hit?!" lmaoo

2/ getting a good hit to the end to unscramble your brain that is already giving you flashbacks is more actually more realistic than the usual fairytale way.. sure, less romantic, but definitely more realistic. the man was already in love with her, super confused on what to do since he genuinely thought she was marrying deniz, and was already having flashes, all he really needed was good hit in the head lol. maybe eda should've kept going when they were boxing 😂

I like your take on it.

Anonymous said: i think they saw the fandom complaining week after week that there was too much heaviness/drama in their romcom and said "so you guys want romcom? here i'll give you full on romcom" which is what i thought this episode was! and i really appreciated such a fun ep overall to watch to bring this otherwise really sad and emotion heavy memory loss plot to an end.

Yes, the episode was a lot more fun than most that had come before it. If only they could have tied it all together.

Anonymous said: Something that just occurred to me that's so crazy in addition to wrapping an episode days before it airs, is that in Turkish television, a series has like 1 permanent director and a small writing team that writes ALL of the episodes. In US TV, that's pretty much unheard of - different writers rotate owning each episode and the same director will shoot maybe 2-3 episodes at most a season. The production turnaround time is so short that it's insane that we don't hear of more last-minute delays

I know, I think about this all the time. It’s crazy to me that there’s only one director. Which is why there’s not a lot of added layers to this show. When a director just has one episode on their plate and they spend a couple of weeks prepping to direct, every shot, every angle, every bit of set dressing can be meaningful. This show doesn’t have that kind of visual depth. On the other hand you do get a director that knows the actors and crew inside and out and they all have a short hand which allows them to get to what they want faster and easier. That can’t be replicated with directors who come in for one episode.

Anonymous said: Over the past month or so, I’ve been seeing so many people cancel Serkan and wanting Eda to leave him forever and move away, but she really never gave up on him and she might finally get him back this week 😭 in fact, Eda and Melo are the only people we’ve seen who have tried to help get his memories back! Everyone who has been friendly to Selin can disinvite themselves to the Edser wedding

I’m glad I didn’t see a bunch of this nonsense myself. But, honestly, anyone who wants Eda to leave and not end up with Serkan... why are they watching this show to begin with? Did they take a wrong turn somewhere? How did they last this long watching it? We’re 35 episode in and this entire show is their love story, beyond that story and it being a vehicle to showcase Hande and Kerem’s awesome chemistry, it really doesn’t offer many other reasons to watch.

And yes to jettisoning anyone who was friendly with Selin. PIRIL I’M LOOKING AT YOU. I sure hope Piril finds out exactly how low Selin will sink. She needs to feel ashamed for welcoming her back without question.

Anonymous said: That fragman for ep 36...part of me wants to hope that it will all be solved pretty soon, since we got edser separated for so long we deserved them together now. But part of me also knows these writers suck so I’m expecting the worst. I just wanted edser together again 😭

I know. When I saw the full fragman my initial reaction was to yell “WHY CAN’T WE HAVE NICE THINGS!!!!!!!” But I’ve calmed down now.

It seems to me that we have Serkan and Eda together and working together to figure this mess out, which is good. we have romantic walks on the pier, and Eda spending the night at his place and a sweet breakfast setting with Eda in jammies. All good.

But then we also have Selin and Deniz refusing to quit. Selin comes up with the plan that if Deniz doesn’t sign the papers in time, then they will have to get a divorce which means Eda can’t marry for 300 days. So then, what? Deniz steals Serkan’s car and goes on the run?

What they hope to accomplish with this, I don’t know. Because even if they succeed and Serkan and Eda can’t get married right away, it’s not like they’ll just magically decide that they want to be with those two psychos instead. I can see Selin doing it just for revenge so she can make them miserable, but what’s Deniz’ motivation? The further psycho he goes, the worse Eda will think of him. Bizarre.

As for the pregnancy thing. It sounds like Eda must hear that from someone. My money is on Deniz. That’s his Hail Mary to try and drive a wedge between Serkan and Eda. Because seemingly when Eda brings it up, Selin asks where did you hear that. Also, phew, Eda says right away that if its true that Sekan deserves to know, which hopefully will clear things up (because the writers showed us over and over and over again that they weren’t sleeping in the same bed) and it will show Serkan just what kind of crazy he’s dealing with.

Anonymous said: I was pretty excited after watching the fragman, but surprised when I went on twitter and saw that almost everyone was really upset by it. I’m sure most people know Selin isn’t actually pregnant, but they all still somehow hate the storyline (possibly bc they think it’ll drive edser apart?) idk am I crazy for thinking that we’ll still get good edser moments and them staying together and fighting together? I guess the show needs drama to continue but I’m not mad because I think good edser will outweigh bad/miscommunication edser.

I’m sure we’ll get good Edser moments, but I can’t really fault anyone for being extremely annoyed by this fragman. I think this little plot point will end up not being a big deal at all, however, I can see how it feels like a kick in the face after what we’ve been through the last 7 episodes. It’s like can we get one happy episode? Just one?

Also it’s just very uncomfortable. I’m in the camp that currently thinks it’s impossible for her to be pregnant because they haven’t slept together. He was too fragile and injured before they came back to Istanbul (sleeping on the couch with his PTSD) and after he was too confused and consumed by Eda and just uninterested in Selin. I have to believe they kept showing us them not spending the night in the same place for a reason.

However, if they were to have had sex, it’s very unsettling because it’s a little too close to him not being able to give consent. It’s Rape by Deception. He had a brain injury, amnesia, was suffering a myriad of traumas and was not in his right mind. He did not have the full set of facts on where their relationship stood, but she did (she knew he wanted nothing to do with her and told her he never loved her and didn’t even want to be friends) and instead of being honest she abused him. She lied to him. She didn’t tell him the truth about what had happened. She isolated him from anyone who could tell him the truth and manipulated him into thinking that she was the only person in the world he could trust and the person he loved and trusted most was untrustworthy and an enemy.

However, as the audience we know the things she’d done in the past to abuse his trust, and we know for certain if he remembered, he would never consent to sleep with her. Never. So even beyond the cheating and the romance it would rob us of if they did have sex, it’s ICKY and GROSS and none of us want to even think of it. I don’t expect TV writers in Turkey to be on the forefront of thought when it comes to issues of consent, so I’d rather this door just not be opened at all.

But here we are, they opened it. Now all we can do it hope that it is a device to hear Serkan say that it isn’t impossible and for Selin to be fully exposed as completely unbalanced and a lying, manipulator.

Anonymous said: the fandom by use of sheer will forced this selin plot line into existence LOL. i swear since the beginning of the memory plot in 29, the "selin will lie to eda she's pregnant" rumor has been constantly making rounds, and i guess it's time to cash in. i will say that i've seen ppl thinking know that somehow serkan and her were intimate even though she's clearly lying.. guys, if there was even a POSSIBILITY she would've used this way back before now and would have told everyone, including serkan.

I agree with this. If this was a card she could play with Serkan, she’d play it. She’s been getting more and more desperate. And in the fragman there she is coming up with ways for Deniz to run away so he can’t sign the papers. If there was something she could hold over Serkan, she would, She’s not because then the con would be up, we’ll just have to wait and see how big of a lie she’s willing to tell.

Anonymous said: I wonder if Selin was a spy when she was younger! That woman is always watching everything from her car! Even in the new trailer.

Ha! Let’s hope that in the end she’s not a very good spy and they finally get one over on her. Oh please oh please oh please let the stable boy be the one who has the photos and let him have more on her. I want there to be tons of photos of her in her car spying on them. That would be so humiliating for her.

Seriously, though, who knows what happened to Selin to make her the way she is. Frankly, I don’t think my assessment of her has really changed (most of my old posts on her are tagged with “anti Selin”) She’s just a spoiled, selfish, entitled brat who thinks she should get anything and everything she wants. If she wants Serkan, she should have him, doesn’t matter what he wants or who she hurts, she’ll do whatever she has to do to make that happen. She was probably never told no as a child. So when she’s thwarted she thinks she’s entitled to whatever reaction she wants to have, if that’s ruining other people’s lives, so be it. No one can be happy if she’s not.

#Sen Çal Kapımı #Sen Cal Kapimi #Edser #sck episode discussion #sck speculation #sckask #asklizac #sck 1x35 #sck 1x36 #anonymous

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laughing-with-god · 5 years

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Pandemonium VI

Words; 5.1k

“And where would I be? Feeling lonely...separated from my one and only. So please, don’t take my love away. Let my baby stay.” - Mac Demarco

“I mean...it is rather nice of him to do that.”

You shrugged at Kat, still on the fence on whether or not to have a positive or negative reaction to the anecdote.

You had just informed her on the call you had received just a couple of hours ago, the one concerning a certain artist paying off your mom’s medical bills.

Even you (a very stubborn person) had to admit that having that expense paid was a giant weight off you and your families’ shoulders.

But at what cost?

You recalled his cunning and sly smiles, further proof that his intentions may not be all that innocent. All you needed to find out was his motive for doing this. That would connect this puzzle and ease your mind of the enigma that was Taehyung. But the more you thought about it, the more puzzled you became. He was flirtatious but just you thought someone was cute, doesn’t mean it will justify paying off their injured mothers’ medical bill (that was at least a couple grand).

But, this was a rich kid you were talking about.

Money was as familiar to him as water was to fish.

He spent thousands like you spent monopoly money. Little to no care of real life consequences.

“I just wish for some context. Like what the fuck?” You asked your friend. Kat just nodded as she walked beside you, half listening to you but half paying close attention to the shops you guys passed.

“Yeah, it is very odd. You did say this was Jimin’s younger brother, right? Perhaps he heard about Jimin snapping and coming to our dorm so he figured he should apologise on Jimin’s behalf.” At the mention of Jimin’s name, your face went stony and expressionless.

You didn’t want to tell Kat about your day, about how Jimin went so far as to show up outside your class, clearly looking for you. You didn’t want to bring up his name ever again, especially in front of Kat. The last thing you wanted was for her to be reminded of your crazed sugar daddy and how he dared assault her. Hell, you didn’t want to think about your craptastic day.

You just sighed and agreed to let the topic drop, for now at least.

“I guess that makes sense. You’re very smart, Kat.”

She just laughed, used to you complimenting her IQ when you were just being over-dramatic and lacked the use of yours. Suddenly, she stopped in her tracks which caused you to do so as well. Her elfish face looked up and grinned up at the sign of a certain small shop.

“We’re here.”

The overwhelming floral scent hit your nostrils, causing you to scrunch up your nose in slight disgust. You never got why people hyped up the smell of flowers...the citrus and perfumey smell gave you a slight headache when given to you in heavy doses.

“Kat, I really don’t think this is needed.” You murmured to you friend. She waved you off and guided you to the short line.

“This place is the most well-known florist shop in our city, (Y/n). Trust me, your aunt and mom will love this. And it’s always proper etiquette to send something when a family member is in the hospital.”

You rolled your eyes, “Sis, I literally spent days with her at the hospital. I’m pretty sure I’m in the clear as far as etiquette goes.”

Kat wasn’t hearing it. “Maybe after seeing our nice ass flowers, your aunt will get off your dick.” She laughed while rubbing her hands together.

“Okay I’m gonna act like you’re not just using my mom’s accident as an excuse to look at some flowers.”

If Kat heard you, she ignored it as she began to list off the different kinds of flowers that would be good in this situation. She really was a tumblr bitch whom was addicted to these types of things. You fondly smiled, you rather her be like this than the way you saw her yesterday. Shaken and afraid.

The line moved as one more customer was served. At this moment, Kat’s phone rung and her cheerful face slid into a more somber expression.

“I need to take this, it’s Cynthia.” You let her go, knowing just how thin and frail the foundation of their relationship currently was. Now you stood alone in the line, waiting for your turn.

With nothing to do, you couldn’t help but overhear the guy who was in front of you and talking to the worker.

“I don’t know much about flowers but I just need something to send to my friend, he just got married last week and I couldn’t make the wedding..” His voice was velvet smooth and neither high-pitched nor low.

All you could see was the backside of this man. He was tall and rather lean. Shoulders were wide, but they had a delicate droop downwards, giving his posture a relaxed but consecutive posture. His neck was long (at least the back of it was) and sat on top of his head was a perfectly brushed mop of black hair.

The worker just nodded and began to work on getting an order together for him. You supposed that they got that all the time, people just coming in and asking for flowers without knowing what is called for.

“I can take the next person in line!”

You moved up to the area beside the other worker and that mystery guy as an older lady waved you over to her work station. “What can I do for you, sweets?”

Words were caught in your throat. Fuck, it was Kat who was supposed to be doing all of this. You decided to follow that other guys’ lead and just tell her the situation so she can come up with the appropriate set up.

“Yeah, I need flowers delivered to my mother’s house. She got into a car accident and I can’t be with her as much as I’d like.” the older lady gave you a sympathetic look as she began to lay down some paper to wrap the the flowers in.

“Do you have a particular color in mind?” She asked, sensing your lack of knowledge. You shrugged.

“I don’t know.. My friend mentioned doing something multi-colored?” You trailed off, trying to recall bits of Kat’s rambling.

“Well, we just got some lilies in. They come in white, pink, red, orange and yellow.”

“Can we do white and pink?” She nodded and smiled.

“Did you mention this will be getting delivered? “ You nodded and she handed you a paper that needed to be filled out before heading towards the back to get the flowers.

While putting down the address and zip code of your moms’ house, you couldn’t help but feel as though you were being watched.

You looked over and it was the guy who was in front of you just moments before, instead this time he was facing you head on.

His face was long and slender, just like his body. Chin was in a perfect V-shape, lips were wide and pink while currently being pulled back in a chesire grin. His teeth were tall and pure white. His nose was high rised, but had a smooth and perfect arch. It was long without being too big and was weirdly the best nose you’ve ever seen. Although his face was slim, his cheeks held a good amount of flesh on them, and they caused his eyes to crinkled while smiling. His eyes were ink-black, but deep set and held a glossy look over them that made them appear slightly watery. They were slightly swollen as well, giving them the appearance of cuteness and surrounded by dense eyelashes. Sort of like an anime character. The man was currently wearing a denim jacket, white shirt and black jeans.

You made eye contact and he just continued to stare at you.

You huffed.

Why the fuck were men addicted to staring?

“Can I help you?” You called out.

He nodded, smiling even wider if possible.

“What’s your name?”

You rolled your eyes. “What’s it to you?”

“I’ll pay for your order if you just give me your name.”

Instinctively, before you can process it, you had said, “(Y/n).”

He took a step towards you, now peering down at you. “Hello (Y/n), I’m Hoseok.”

You nodded but ignored his words and pushed the clipboard to him. “So like right here is where the card information comes in. Don’t forget to tip the delivery person too!” You shoved the paper in his face, making sure he won’t go back on his promise.

He laughed cheerfully, the sound like bells chiming as his eyes scrunched up to the point where you doubt he even could see through them, mouth widely ajar as more laughter escaped it.

“Your very funny, (Y/n).” He commented, looking at you up and down while still chuckling,

You nodded but couldn’t help but notice that he had yet to fulfill his side of the deal. You fake laughed but grabbed his hand and forcefully shoved him to the table along with the clipboard.

“HAhahA, yeah so the order should come out to like 30 or something and I don’t know about shipping costs but like here’s the pen and if you can just sign here and there, that’d be great.”

He laughed but did it nonetheless, signing off on paying for the order. Apparently, your pushiness was very humorous to him.

You gave hit back a pat on the back and said, “Thanks dude, but I gotta blast.”

He called out from behind you but you sprinted out of the shop, not wanting to give him the chance to regret paying for your flowers. Kat was outside still on the phone, you just dragged her along with you down the street, promising to explain later.

As a wise woman once said; men ain’t shit but walking dick with wallets.

“Is that really what you thought of me?” He laughed hard, bunny smile evident and and rounded teeth poking out.

“Listen sis, I just know a fuckboy when I see one and all my alarms were going off when I spotted your steroids headass.”

“For the last time, I’m not on steroids.”

“Yeah, you prob just snort protein powder like it’s crack. “

Jungkook laughed harder at that, hunching over in his seat.

At the moment, both of you were at the campus library. You had agreed to meet up for the project, not willing to risk your grade being compromised just because your partner was someone less than ideal. Also, he proved himself to be somewhat decent when he helped you sneak out when Jimin showed up. Quickly, you started to feel bad for assuming that he was trash. Throughout the study date, it became apparent that he was stuck in a fuckboy body, what laid under that was actually an easily flustered dork.

“(Y/n), you’re hilarious.” He giggled. You shrugged at this. You honestly weren’t that funny, people just didn’t expect girls to be able to crack decent jokes.

You two were sat at a table, side by side with papers and books spread out between you two. The library had large bookshelves that surrounded you, so tall that they almost reached the high ceilings and successfully blocked anyone from being able to see you and Jungkook unless they were at one of the other tables in the section. However, the place was very empty with the core inhabitants being the librarians themselves, plus Jungkook and you.

“Yeah, yeah. Listen, we got to find a way not to fail this class.” You told him, trying to turn the attention back to the work.

You had been there for roughly 20 minutes, but still nothing had been accomplished yet. Jungkook had wanted to know why you were at first so cold to him, and you honestly told him that he just had that stupid frat boy vibe and you were already in a grouchy mood in the mornings. He spent the next few minutes trying to convince you that he was actually a lame nerd. He listed off the things he did in hopes that your previous assumption of him would melt away. You had to admit, it worked rather well. The iron man obsession, the video game marathons, the IU posters and the hobby of photography and videography weren’t what you first pictured when you saw him. You thought of axe body spray, “nudes?”, stupid gym pictures of him flexing and party going along with all those other things that came along with being a fuckboy. You guess you were wrong.

“Basically, he just wants us to answer those questions onto a google presentation that we have to share with him.” Jungkook explained, also looking at the work now. You groaned.

“How am I supposed to be able to answer those questions when I wasn’t even here for that lesson?” You thunked your head against the table. “Jungkook you should consider curb stopping this professor. Like, your so big for no reason? You should take one for the team…”

“Is that all I am to you? A fucking right-hand man to send to handle your enemies?” Jungkook fake pouted, placing a hand onto his chest.

“Shit, kook. If I have a body builder for a friend, am I expected not to use him?” Jungkook sighed, bunny face relaxing into a lazy grin. He took out a few more things from his folder and handed it over to you.

“Here, I have the answers and notes from that lesson. Just copy it down so you can look it over whenever you need.” You nodded in thanks and began to copy his work over to your own blank sheets. It was quiet for a moment as Jungkook just fondly watched you do this, taking in your

side profile and adorable face expressions of concentration. He wanted to drink you in blissfully, not with a care in the world for anything but this moment. But something was preventing him from doing that. Something that bothered him.

“(Y/n)?” he asked gingerly.

“What?” You responded, not looking up from the scribblings of fast note-taking.

“Do I know that guy who you had to sneak past?”

This question caught you off guard. You looked up. “No. He doesn’t go here and he’s a bit older.”

“If he ever gives you any problems, you know you can call on me right?” This made you snort.

“Kook, you wouldn’t even hurt a fly.”

He stared into you, eyes so dark and voice so bleak when he stated, “I can under the right circumstances.”

“KAT! WHAT THE FUCK ARE MY QUALITIES?!” You yelled from across the dorm from your spot on the loveseat.

“FUCK IF I KNOW!” She hollered right back from the bedroom. You grumbled and pondered a bit more.

‘Good team player, headstrong, analytical and grand ability to laugh at oneself.’ You typed this down while chuckling at how lame it sounded.

The next question popped up on the screen.

“KAT! WHY AM I A GOOD CANDIDATE FOR THIS POSITION?!” You screamed.

“SIS YOU’RE NOT!”

You ignored this while typing down, ‘In desperate need of experience and said position offers such qualifications.’

The job application was complete and sent.

Ever since you had cut off Jimin, you sworn off sugar daddies all together. But, this didn’t mean that income wasn’t needed. You decided to do things the old fashioned way instead of chilling with older and richer men for cash, and chose to start filling out job applications.

To be honest, you didn’t know how you were going to manage to take classes full time as well as work but you figured that you should at least try to talk to some employers about working. You sent applications everywhere. To fast food places, to clothing stores, to even personal assistant positions.

If you didn’t at least get one call back, you were going to shoot yourself.

Luckily, in a matter of two hours a call did come.

You had an interview tomorrow afternoon.

A skirt, a dressy top and heels is what you were currently wearing. You looked at yourself in the bathroom mirror and honestly couldn’t recognize yourself.

You looked like such a corprate drone…

The business building was very nice as well as the bathroom that you were currently hiding in. You were one of the few people from the waiting room that were all interviewing for the position. It was to be a personal assistant of some business director.

The description mentioned that it would be all very easy work. Just managing the schedule and meetings he would have, getting coffee, and maybe picking up some dry cleaning here and there. Apparently this guy was a big deal because one letter of recommendation from him will almost guarantee a number of jobs.

But here you were, freaking out in the bathroom.

The other females in the waiting room all appeared to be very much determined to work for this guy. They looked more qualified and more comfortable with the setting that you just felt like a fool for even showing up. You would definitely be wasting the interviewer’s time. The other girls in there wore stilettos and carried fucking mini briefcases!

You took a deep breath and tried to cool off by spraying some cold water on your face, not enough to ruin your minimalist makeup. However, it would take a bit more to calm you down

You decided to make a quick call to Kat. You dialed her up and right away she picked up.

“So I’m having a panic attack in the bathroom before my interview….” You trailed off.

“Naturally.”

“Listen! I know I’m the queen of over reactions but I can’t help but feel like something really shitty is about to happen!”

At this moment, a woman who was way more prettier and confident than you’ll ever be in such a place, walked in to the bathroom during your little rant. She gave you a dirty look before disappearing in a bathroom stall. Embarrassment colored your cheeks.

“(Y/n), what the fuck can happen at an interview at a well respected business? Don’t freak yourself out and get back out there. Let’s get this bread.” Kat attempted to encourage you.

You just nodded and hung up given you were no longer alone in the bathroom and would feel more awkward to continue your meltdown.

‘Let’s get this bread indeed’ you thought with fake confidence, before leaving the bathroom.

As soon as you stepped back into the waiting room, a voice called out,

“(Y/n) (l/n)? Mr. Kim will see you now.” You halted in you steps before taking a deep breath and making your way up to the desk, heart pounding.

The secretary smiled at you sweetly and motioned for you to follow her.

You allowed yourself to be led to a conference room where she told you to just knock and wait for a response before going in.

You knocked on the large black door, lightly. Listening closely for your cue.

“Come in!” A light voice called out.

You opened the door and stepped inside.

It was a big room that had glass walls and a breathtaking view of the city’s skyline. There was a long table with about 10 seats sourrounding it smack dab center of the room. You guessed that this is where meetings were held.

A man was seated on one side of the table and began motioning for you to sit on the one right in front of him.

Currently, he was looking down at his laptop and typing away, glasses on and cup of coffee beside him. He still had yet to look up at you.

You supposed he did this one too many times today. The guilt of wasting his time hit you once again now that you had a face to put to the poor interviewer. And what a handsome face it was...

He had really wide and buff shoulders that was covered by a suit. His skin was extremely pale and free of any imperfections. Not so much as a single blemish tainted his face. A walking advertisement for any skin-care product he uses. His face was oval shaped and held a very sharp jaw. Chin prominent and square-ish to balance the slenderness of his cheeks. The lips were very pouty and dark, berry pink. His nose was straight and had a cute, fleshy bulbous at the end. At each side of his nose were one of his small and black eyes that were currently downcast. His eyes held slightly curled and coal black eyelashes, that matched his black hair that was charmingly tousled on top on his head. He looked like he was a high-class actor. It was almost hard to believe that someone could achieve such physical perfection without the help of plastic surgery. Not one feature about him was off-putting. You supposed someone as physically blessed as him must get used to the stares of women.

“(Y/n), is it?” His voice was high and soprano with a enchanting twinkle.

“Yes.” You simply answered.

He looked up for a brief glance to look back down at your resume, only to look back up at neck-break speed.

His eyes bulged a tad bit as they met yours once again.

A crooked smile spread across his face after a moment of just observing you.

“I’m Kim Seokjin. I’m the one who is looking for the assistant.” Your eyes widened a bit at this development.

Fuck, this whole ordeal just became a bit more intimidating.

“Well Ms. (Y/n), I’d love to get to know a bit more about the type of person you are.” He said while leaning forward against the table, placing his enthralling face on top of his propped hands.

You were a bit taken aback at how focused he was, and wondered if everyone got such treatment during their interviews.

“Umm...I-”

You were interrupted when the door opened and someone stepped inside. A husky voice asked,

“Jin, when is the meeting going to start? We all got shit to do you know and you’re taking up the whole conference room.”

Jin’s face dropped to a look of annoyance as he glared up at this unsaid person. “Yoongi, I’ll be done in a bit. I’m in the middle of a interview.” he looked back a you. “It will most likely be the last one for today. Miss. (Y/n) looks to be a very promising candidate…” He winked at you, confusing the hell out of you. You barely said anything about yourself and you knew damn well the info he had on you wasn’t exactly groundbreaking.

“Whatever, I’ll just tell the rest th-Wait.” The voice cut itself off. You heard footsteps get closer. “(Y/n)?”

You turned around.

And there stood that fucker from the bus.

“Yoongi?” You asked. He smiled, gummy and sweet.

Today he was wearing an armani suit (nothing like the hoodie you first saw him in) however his tie was still loosened which made you smile. Even in this type of environment, he still managed to be laidback and chill.

“What are you doing here, doll? Don’t tell me you’re trying to be Jin’s new assistant.” He droned, face bored but soft smile still present.

You nodded, nerves slowly melting away now that you saw a familiar face. You joked, “Do you mind putting a good word in for me, man?”

Yoongi rolled his eyes. “Sorry babe but I don’t hate you enough to try to put you onto this job. Jin’s probably gonna have you position his hair dryer just right for him more than doing actual work.”

“Hey! Is that a way to talk about your older brother!” The handsome man seated in front of you yelled, facing turning slightly red.

Your jaw dropped at ‘brother’.

Before you can say anything, another voice added to the conversation, this time it came from right outside the now open door.

“What’s the hold up, guys? We promised dad to get the expense reports done today and I’m not working overtime.”

You looked over at the voice and almost shat yourself.

God wasn’t gonna let you outrun this for too long.

You ran from him originally but somehow you managed to run towards him without your knowing.

There stood Park Jimin.

“(Y/n)!” He exclaimed. He thrusted himself into the room and onto his knees before you, taking your hands into his. His eyes (that already were rather swollen and red) teared up as his cherub face glazed up at you.

“B-babygirl, I’m so happy to see that your okay! When you told me about your mom and the car accident I just felt so awful.” His voice broke as he hiccupped some more. “W-what can I do to help, (Y/n)? Please! Just tell me! I’ll do anything to earn a spot back into your life!”

He was full on sobbing at this point. Chubby and small face covered with tears as he pushed himself further onto your lap and closer to your face.

“You have the right to be upset with me, b-but you can’t just kick me out of your life! I’ll accept any punishment but that!”

Due to the commotion, you hear murmuring sounds come from outside the room. You couldn’t bring yourself to tear your eyes from Jimin and his usually joyful face that was now crumpled up with misery. A proud man who had everything was currently on his knees in front of you, begging just for some sort of contact with you and reassurance of your well-being. His unique and raspy voice sounded so raw and broken when crying out for you.

You patted his head, trying to get him to calm down to any extent.

He leaned into the action, reminding you of a kicked puppy who just craved affection from his owner.

You heard multiple footsteps enter the room, without a doubt here to witness the scene of businessman Jimin and his sudden breakdown. You decided to ignore the other personas in the room and try to reason with your former sugar daddy.

“Jimin, you attacked my roomate. I can’t forgive that.”

He jumped up at this, grasping at your waist and pulling you closer to him, apparently not caring if he wrinkled his fancy suit. “It’s a misunderstanding, I swear! Let me explain!”

You heard a harsh gasp that pierced the room so vividly that you just had to look up and see who it was.

There stood four men, watching the scene.

And you knew all of them.

Each and every single one.

“i have 6 brothers.” Jimin had told you this on the night of your first outing.

And like that, it connected.

All of it….. connected.

Like a puzzle you didn’t even knew existed until all the pieces were face to face with you, mocking your inability to solve it.

7 men who were all young, handsome and heirs to a multi-million dollar company ran by their father.

Like a Shakespearian drama, hell unleashed itself in the confined space of the conference room.

“You’re the crazy ex (Y/n) was talking about?!” Jungkook yelled, glaring at Jimin with his doe eyes know filled with pent-up aggression now that he knew whom was responsible for your fear.

“How the hell do you know her?” Hoseok demanded of Jungkook. This made the youngest of the bunch scoff.

“What do you mean how do I know her? We’re classmates! The question is how do you old, senile fucks know her?!” He hollered, addressing all of the other men in the room.

Jimin ignored this and tugged your face back to him. He just needed you to forgive him, he didn’t bother with his siblings at the moment. He had tunnel vision whenever you were in a room. Now more than ever, as your forgiveness was top priority.

“I didn’t attack Kat! (Y/N), you have to believe me! And why are you even interviewing for this job, baby? You know that as your sugar daddy that I’ll provide for you.” Jimin was holding you so close to him, afraid that something might just snatch you up if he wasn’t looking. Which was somewhat true given the particular scene…

“Sugar daddy?!” Seokjin gaped, shocked at the revelation.

“So she’s basically only with you for money…” Yoongi smirked, monotone voice expressionless as always. He was pleased because this meant your relationship with Jimin was very easily replaceable and not built off of true feelings on your side. He’d just offer you more money and tada! You were going to be his.

“Was. She was with him.” Jungkook corrected, crossing his arms.

Jimin snapped at this term, brain not willing to comprehend that it was over. Couldn’t they see that this was just a bump in the road for him and (Y/n)? He wanted them to shut up before they gave you ideas of keeping him away from you.

“Shut your fucking mouths! This is our relationship and our business. Not you nosy motherfuckers!” He growled at them, stunning you.

Your mind was so preoccupied at the moment. Even amongst this chaos.

How did you manage to run into all of them at once? In an office setting, nonetheless.

You’ve been to Jimin’s workplace before and it was a building that was on the other side of town. So, how the fuck are they all here?

“I thought the building on the West side of town was your guys’ family business.” You mumbled, dazed and confused. This was like a venus fly trap that you stumbled upon. You usually had more wit than this to willingingly walk into a messy situation.

“We have 3 different locations in the city, baby.” Namjoon said this while studying your concentrated face fondly. It was so cute when you thought so hard.

You eyes looked up to meet the one brother who had yet to speak.

He was the only one who looked unbothered with the whole ordeal, just watching it with aloofness and moderate entertainment at the digs they gave each other.

“Why did you pay off my mom’s bills?” You couldn’t help but ask him, not knowing if you’d ever get this chance again.

He smiled down at you, and even the other brothers stopped to study Taehyung, alarmed at your question.

He shrugged and asked, “Is it wrong to want to take care of my future mother-in-law?”

Author’s note: ALL MEMBERS ARE HERE NOW SO ALL ASKS ARE OPEN!! Also thank you all sooooo much for the support and esp the asks, I love doing them. Pls let me know what you think of this chapter and also you guys should feel free to send any questions you may have for me or just to say whatever you want. I love it.

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loudsuitlover · 6 years

Text

Haze.

A/N: A little thing about Y/N not being ready to be a mom and Harry being clueless!

“Yeah, I guess I’ve just been feeling weird lately.”

You rested your back against the old, almost vintage, white metal chair of your mother’s garden. It was weird how in a matter of months, this place had changed from feeling like home to feeling like your mother’s house for you had been living with Harry for six months now and that feeling of comfort and safety you used to feel when you walked through your mother’s door was the one you felt now when you closed the door of your shared apartment in London.

You had kissed him goodbye the morning before you headed back home to visit your mum for a couple of days and now there she was, sitting down on her own chair, with her reading glasses on as she went through some of her patient’s records. She stopped typing and turned her chair so she could have a good look at you though and you rolled your eyes playfully knowing the visit had just started.

“What do you mean by weird, hon?”

She pursed her lips, the wrinkles around her eyes deepening as she narrowed her eyes the slightliest bit. She had managed to keep the garden as green as it was when you and your brother were still home and the fig tree was bearing the brunt of many figs that were just about ready to be picked.

“And sit down properly on your bottom, please.”

Once again you rolled your eyes as a smirk tugged from your lips and you passed your legs over the armrest and sat down straight, just like Harry liked it as well you’re gonna hurt your back one of these days, m’love.

“I don’t know.” You shrugged. “I mean I got a cold a couple weeks ago when I went to the beach with Harry but I think it’s been long enough for a cold to heal.”

“It might be the flu, though.” She shrugged. “It’s not that time of the year but... The flu’s never out of the table.”

She stood up, wrapping her stethoscope around her neck before she stood right behind you grabbing your shoulders so she corrected your position. You couldn’t stop smirking. She placed the stethoscope on your chest and asked you to take deep breaths.

“Be careful though.” You warned. “My boobs hurt. I’m waiting for my period.”

“Waiting?”

“Uh, I should get it this week.” You nodded. “Or maybe last week? I’m not sure, I’ve been super stressed with work and Gem’s wedding so I haven’t been properly keeping track.”

You couldn’t see your mum slowly nodding, as if she had just seen all the truth in the world, and she almost wanted to hit your head with the stethoscope because dear Lord how could her own daughter be so clueless?

“And now you’re feeling tired?” She asked, standing now next you so she could look into your eyes. You nodded. “And funny like sometimes you just wanna sleep and some other times you would eat everything in the fridge?” You nodded again, opening your eyes wide because man, that woman was a genius. “And... You haven’t gotten your period this month.”

You just looked at her, completely in shock at what you now knew she was going to say.

“Then... I think it can only be two things.” So there’s still hope, there’s still hope... “A boy or a girl.” She chuckled, placing the stethoscope on the table before she turned at you. “Oh, baby, have you guys not been using protection?”

“No, yeah, of course we do! I take the pill.”

“Every single day, no exception?”

“Yeah.” You frowned, standing up so you looked more serious and honorable, you thought. “I take the pill religiously. I mean I’m 21 years old, madam, I wouldn’t want to get pregnant and Harry’s like super busy with his second album and... and... Already thinking about the second world tour and... I mean half his mates have daughters or sons so we know what that’s like and I’m not... I’m not ready to be a mom.”

You shook your head very fast and many times as if somehow you could get the pregnancy out of your mind if you moved your head enough. Your mum just smiled though and you hated that she wasn’t freaking out like you so you frowned at her.

“Why on Earth are you looking at me like that?”

She just laughed so you crossed your arms across your chest, completely flabbergasted at your mum’s reaction. How was this funny to her? Her only daughter might be pregnant at the age of 21 and all she could cook was like... pasta but like the easy type, with cheese or tomato sauce tops, or like... ready-made soup. You were in no shape to bring a baby into this world.

“You’ll be allright, kid.” She placed her warm hand over your shoulder though and you just stayed there, looking ahead at the fig tree, watching a fig falling to the ground.

Harry called you that same night, apologizing for having bein such a caveman about your friendship with Adam. It was really so silly, you thought, that he would get jealous of Adam. Yes, you were good friends but dear Lord he was a married man and he was so obviously in love with his wife, it was unbelievable that Harry would get jealous of him. You had talked it out the night before you came up to your mum’s house, but really his jealousy had been the reason why you needed to come up to your hometown for a while, because lately everything was feeling weird for you. He asked about how you were feeling too, concern evident on his voice, but you didn’t really cover the topic of your mum’s suspicion or the conversation at all. You laughed way too loud at his terrible jokes and even he frowned at your reaction, smirking and asking why you were acting so euphoric, baby; but you didn’t tell him anything because there was nothing to tell anyway. You hadn’t even taken the pregnancy test and why worry him when there was no need, right? You didn’t need to tell him just yet anyways... How did it go? Oh, yeah, that’s right. I’m having your baby, it’s NONE of your bussiness, right?

You stayed with your mum for another day and even though you had rejected her many attempts of persuasiong for you to take the test, she had managed to calm you down about the whole possible pregnancy thing. She always did that- make things easier- and right then you thought if you were ever going to be a mum, at least you would have the best role model. As you drove back home, the indie playlist Harry had made for you filling your ears, you kept listening to your mum’s words as if they were written somewhere in the car. There are many options, love, and you can always decide not to be a mother just yet. Abortion is another valid choice, you know that, right? This is your life and no one has the right to judge you or act like they know better. You know Harry’ll be there for you either way- otherwise your brother will kick his ass.

Yet Harry wasn’t home when you got there and as much as you wanted to see him, you were also glad you could have a moment to yourself so you could at least think about the way of approaching this. Throwing your dirty clothes to the laundry basket, you frowned when you grabbed a small carton in your duffle bag. A pregnancy test- smooth, mum- with a post-it note stick to it “You won’t have an excuse not to tell him after you take the test, love.” You rolled your eyes.

But you guessed she was right... So you closed the bathroom door, even though you were alone, and you took it., your hand shaking as you held it exactly where you needed it to be. You were going to tell him anyway. If it was positive, then you would ask him to sit down on the couch and you would tell him- somehow, that you were carrying his baby; and if it was negative then you would have a laugh about it over a salad- now that he was acting like a health freak again- later tonight.

Positive.

You looked at yourself in the mirror. Positive. You covered your belly with your hands. Positive. It was now flat but in a matter of months it would be all round and swollen and there will be a baby in there- well technically, there was already a baby in there, but it must be so tiny they didn’t need any extra room just yet. And not just any baby but Harry’s, Harry’s baby was in your belly. You tried to swallow the lump in your throat as tears fell down your cheeks.

You were only 21 years old. Looking at yourself in the mirror, for the first time you realized how much you still looked like a girl. You frowned. You imagined yourself sitting down on the living room floor trying to play with those small, colourful toys that babies had with a little boy, about 10 months old, with brown curly hair and green eyes. You imagined yourself feeding him in a high chair in the kitchen, taking him to the park, playing with him on the snow, swimming with him at the beach and then you imagined waking up in the middle of the night to a crying baby that wouldn’t settle with anything.

You imagined Harry being gone, but he was just 24 years old, he was living his dream, having the time of his life and you were not about to ruin that for him with a boring family life, driving up to your mum’s house to have lunch with her every second sunday. And yet you couldn’t raise a child on your own either. Gosh, you didn’t even know how to properly iron your clothes, how were you going to iron onesies? And alone at that? Was that what you wanted anyway? To have a family and be alone half the time? What would you do when your son missed his daddy?

You were holding the positive pregnancy test in your hands when Adam walked in. Harry had called him and he had said you would appreciate it if he popped over at home and have lunch with you or something for he was so busy with Gemma’s wedding he couldn’t escape to see you until later tonight. He wanted you to know he was okay with it, he wanted to train himself so he could be okay with it for real and Adam had come over to pick you up and had called for you around the house but when he couldn’t find you he had made his way upstairs and had seen you, sitting on the bed and holding a pregnancy test. Holy cow.

He had promised not to tell Harry though. He had strongly encouraged you to tell him- to put it nicely- but you knew you could trust him and you knew he wouldn’t tell him if you didn’t want him to. He was your closest friend out of Harry’s band but you knew your closeness with Adam was still a touchy subject for your boyfriend, it bothered him sometimes, so if it were to find out Adam out of all people knew about your pregnancy before he did, he would lose it, you were sure. You could get all arrogant again, and throw that speech at him that jealousy was just insecurities and that he had no fucking reason to be insecure because he was a Greek god, but then you would be being hypocritical because... Well because it had also bothered you sometimes how close he seemed to be with Ursula, his new hairstylist. It was stupid, but you couldn’t help it when he was away and you were home and you thought about the two of them laughing in playful banter before the concerts.

You decided you’d throw the pregnancy test away before you and Adam left for lunch- last thing you needed was Harry finding it somewhere and freaking out. All throughout lunch, Adam couldn’t stop smiling as he coaxed you into telling Harry because he would be so happy, Y/N, damn it, that boy is so in love with you! And after a lot of rolling your eyes and a lot of hitting his arm, you had decided to go grocery shopping so you could cook a nice dinner and tell Harry over a nice glass of wine.

After a long day of walking around London with his mum and sister, he had come home in a rush to an empty house, expecting his hairstylist to knock on the door any minute now. He had called her over so they could talk about his sister’s wedding, see if he could count on her to do her hair, and now they were making lemonade as they went over the dates and stuff. Ursula froze on the spot when, holding the remnants of the lemons on her hands, she saw the positive pregnancy test lying there on the bin.

“Wow!” She frowned. “Congrats by the way.” She raised her eyebrows, pursing her lips as she placed the lemonade in front of Harry.

“On what?” He smiled.

“On the child!”

“What child?”

She frowned.

“There’s a positive pregnancy test on the bin.” She whispered. “I thought you knew.”

“What?”

He stood up from the table, frowning in bewilderment before he made his way towards the bin. He bent over, grasping the test on his hand and staring at it with impossible thoughts burning on his mind. You didn’t tell him anything? You sure had been acting weird but.. He never thought... Why didn’t you tell him? He started thinking about all the little things you had said and all the little things you had done but he didn’t see any hints on your part, or anything out of line really.

“She didn’t tell you.” Ursula noted.

He looked up at her.

“Maybe... Maybe it’s not hers?” She bit her bottom lip. “Maybe it’s... a friend’s of hers?”

“Maybe.” He shrugged, unconvinced.

“Well it might not even be yours.” She laughed and Harry frowned.

“Well if it’s a friend’s of hers is definitely not mine.” He joked along and she shrugged.

“You never know these days.” She shrugged. “I mean with all the time we spend away... That’d explain why she hasn’t told you.”

Harry glared at her, his jaw clenched and his shoulders tensed as his fist curled around the positive test. He had a feeling it was yours, how unlikely was it anyway that a friend of yours would come to your place to take a fucking pregnancy test? And what friend anyway? Nancy was single and Eve was a lesbian. Of course they could get pregnant still but it was less likely than Y/N... Even though she took the pill, didn’t she?

“If it’s Y/N’s then it’s mine.” He was sure of that.

“Hey, man, relax.” She chuckled. “I was just saying. I mean just... She hasn’t told you, has she? That’s weird. I mean I would tell you- I mean my boyfriend- even before I took the test, you know? I mean... Listen, H, I’m just looking out for you.”

“Well, you don’t need to look out for me when it comes about Y/N.” It was clear he was mad. “What she and I have... You just don’t get it if you think for one second she would cheat on me. Now, I don’t want to be rude and gosh I know you didn’t mean it but... I think you should leave. I didn’t like the way you talked about my girlfriend.”

“Well, I’m sorry but if the kid doesn’t look anything like you, don’t tell me.” She rolled her eyes before she left.

She bumped your shoulder as she walked out the door and Harry rushed to keep the test on the cutlery drawer, cursing himself when he realized what he had done. You smiled at him before giving him a peck on the lips as you placed the bags on the counter.

“Got you avocados.” You smiled. “What happened with Ursula by the way? I know you said she didn’t hate me but she-”

“We had a fight.”

“You... You had a fight?” You frowned, thinking he wouldn’t fight if he didn’t care. “About what?”

“Uh, she... She said something she shouldn’t have.”

“Alright?” You frowned. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” He shook his head. “She was wrong, it doesn’t matter. How was your day?”

He kept the fruits and the yogurts on the fridge as you kept taking things out of the bags.

“It was good.” You smiled. “How was-”

“Did you carry that bag all the way to the flat?” He closed the fridge, resting his hand on the counter next to the bags and looking closely at your face.

“Uh, yeah?” You smiled. “I’m a big girl, H.”

“You shouldn’t be carrying that much weight.”

You swallowed. You were surely just being paranoid. He couldn’t know. Adam wouldn’t have told him- he would have told you if he had. He was surely just saying that, just like he told you not to go to bed with your hair all wet or to eat something else when you had spent a week eating soup. His green eyes stared into your own before you turned around and started keeping things on the pantry.

“Seriously, Y/N?” His figure followed you closely.

You turned around and sighed, rubbing your forehead with your fingertips.

“It wasn’t even that heavy-”

“You don’t have anything to say to me?”

He knew. For the love of God, how could he know?

“Yes, I found your pink Gucci t-shirt. It was on the-”

“Baby.” He cut you short, his green eyes staring sternly into your own.

You couldn’t read his expression, but he didn’t seem too thrilled about it.

“I can’t believe he told you.” You snapped, covering your face with your hands.

“He?” He frowned.

“Adam!” You yelled. “Don’t play dumb with me now, Harry, I really don’t need you to-”

“Adam?” He frowned, raising his voice himself. “So it’s fucking true! Is it Adam’s? You’re having Adam’s baby?”

“What?” You yelled. “How dare you say something like that?”

“Oh, right, I’m not as stupid as you thought I was! You... Ursula was fucking right and here I was like a fucking idiot defending you!”

“What in the world are you saying? Do you seriously think I would cheat on you? Is that what you think of me, really?”

“How could I not?! You’ve been acting so strange lately, all distant and fuck and then I found a fucking pregnancy test on the bin and... How long have you known for?”

“Why does it matter? You really think I would cheat on you with your friend! I can’t believe you think that of me, Harry. I thought you trusted me!” You snapped. “And yet here you are, believing fucking Ursula over me? And it just had to be her, hadn’t it? Just so you know Harry, I would never, ever cheat on you! You’re everything I’ve ever wanted and I love you, fuck,so knowing that’s what you think of me fucking hurts, Harry! The baby is yours! Of course is yours you idiot!”

“Well then why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I was scared! I am terrified! And maybe I’m so scared because I don’t know if I want to raise a baby with you!”

His frown deepened, his green eyes getting glossy as he tried to hold your gaze. Your jaw was clenched and you had never been madder in your entire life so you looked challenging, as if you didn’t regret what you had said one bit. He didn’t know what hurt him more, the words you had said or the fact that he had brought this upon himself.

“And...” You got back at it “Maybe that is because I am not sure about a future with you!”

“Then I don’t know what I’m doing here!”

“Neither do I!” You finished.

“Goodbye then!”

#Harry Styles #harry #styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles writing #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles writings #harry styels blurb #harry styles drabble #harry styles angst #harry styles stories #harry styles and y/n #harry styles love #harry styles daily

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elleberquist6 · 6 years

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Stray Cat - chapter thirty-two

Rating: Mature Word Count: 1678 Warnings: Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut Summary: Phil Lester believes that if he does good things then good things will happen to him, so on one of the worst days of his life he invites a rain-soaked Neko boy named Dan into his home. Phil has never met a Neko before and he knows nothing about the dark system that has molded Dan. Dan is part of a repressed population with few rights, and as Phil gets to know him he can’t understand why – Dan is the most amazing person he has ever met. —

Dan quickly settled into life in Rawtenstall – not just in the Lester family home, but in the town as well. Kath swept over the town like a force of nature, quickly spreading the word that a Neko had become a valued member of their family. Apparently, Kath had quite an influence in the town – she ran a book club, a garden club, and she was very active in several charity groups. No one wanted to cross her, so no one questioned Dan’s presence as he walked around town. Soon, he even felt at ease going anywhere he wanted, even alone. He was free.

That was in his daily life. His online life was different. He wanted to start a channel, but it felt the same as walking into a new community, and he expected to be chased out of it, like the townsfolk chased the monster away in the movie Frankenstein. In the end, the only reason he decided to film his first video was Phil – not to say that he was being pushy, Phil barely mentioned the video. All Phil did was believe in him. So, Dan positioned himself before a camera in the Lester’s guest room, determined not to disappoint Phil. When he showed Phil the footage, he half expected Phil to say it was bad, but Phil insisted that he loved it and helped him to edit the video.

They posted it and kept the laptop open for the whole day, watching as comments sporadically drifted in, mostly people coming from a plug that Phil gave him. Dan was fixated on the negative comments, but Phil kept drawing his attention back to the good ones that he read out loud, and Dan had to admit that there were more positive comments than negative ones. Dan was starting to believe that he could do this.

They went upstairs after a long day, and they settled into bed. Before he fell asleep, Phil said, “I want to film my video tomorrow.”

Dan stiffened beside him, but Phil didn’t notice. He just hoped that Phil forgot about it by tomorrow.

He didn’t. Dan walked into their bedroom after a late breakfast to find Phil sitting on the bed as he was setting up the camera. Phil smiled. “There you are. Are you ready to do this? I am still buzzed with caffeine, and I always like to film when I feel like this. So, are you ready? Could we film now?”

Dan couldn’t help but smile at Phil, but his smile wobbled as he prepared to deny Phil – the man who had saved him – the one thing he had ever asked of him. “Listen, Phil…”

Phil stared down at the camera in his hands. “You don’t want to be in my video. Why? I thought you liked my videos.”

Dan sat beside Phil on the bed. “I love your videos. You know that. I love your videos so much that I don’t want to hurt them by appearing in them.”

Phil gaped at him as he realized what was wrong. “Dan, I don’t care about that.”

“I do. You could lose so many subscribers if you reveal that someone like me is in your life.”

Phil shook his head. “If someone unsubscribes for that reason, then good. I don’t want their views.” He grabbed Dan’s hand and squeezed. “Please, Dan. What people think about me online is the least of my concerns. I care about you. You’re amazing. I want to do this video to show that to people.”

Dan nodded. “If you want this that badly, I’ll do it. I owe this to you.”

“I don’t want you to do it because you owe me. I want you to do it because you want to.”

“I’m never going to do it for that reason. I’m so scared that this will have consequences for you. I want to make you happy. That’s all. I’ll do this if it makes you happy.”

Phil shook his head. “Not if it makes you unhappy.”

Dan laughed because the idea of being unhappy was so ridiculous to him now. Didn’t Phil realize how he made him feel? Maybe not, so Dan decided to tell him. “I am happy. Completely. For the first time in my life. Being here with you… do you know what it means to me? You taught me the meaning of the word ‘home’. I used to just think that meant a place where people go to sleep at night, but since you brought me into yours I learned that home is so much more: warmth and food and laughter. It’s friendship and love and feeling safe – it’s everything. All these things rolled into one concept, one feeling that I never want to be without.”

Phil squeezed Dan’s hand harder. “Then don’t you see how silly it is – in the face of all that – to worry about the reaction to a video? I have you and you have me, and nothing outside of that matters. I don’t care what people think about me, and the fact that you are part cat is the least interesting thing about you. Once they see what I see, they’re going to be crazy about you.”

At times like this, Dan still had trouble wrapping his mind around the fact that someone as incredible as Phil cared about him. He asked, “Why do you like me?”

“I’m glad you asked because I’ve had this answer ready for a while.” Phil took a deep breath, as if he planned to be talking for a while. “I like you because you’re funny and sweet and clever. I can’t stop thinking about you – you’re like an earworm, you know, one of those songs that drifts into your head and you keep hearing it over and over again. But I never want to stop hearing this song. I love your laugh and your dimples and the way you talk.”

Dan’s face flushed while Phil talked, and he looked away. “No one thinks like you, though. The people watching your videos are going to see my ears and think they know everything about me. They’re not going to give me a chance to show another side of myself.” Dan waved his hands when Phil started to protest. “I’m not trying to back out. I’ll do it and I’ll probably have fun doing it, but I just don’t want you to be surprised when the reaction is bad. I know that the comments on this video are going to be awful.”

Phil was shaking his head. “Dan, what can I do to show you that none of this matters?” Phil looked around the room and then gasped when he saw something near his desk.

“What?” Dan asked as Phil got up. He couldn’t see what Phil picked up. Phil didn’t answer him, and he walked over to the full-length mirror by his closet. Dan got up to stand beside him. “What are you doing?”

“I’m showing you that the tail and ears don’t mean anything. They don’t define who you are as a person. I know it and the people who see you in this video are going to know it, too.” Phil started drawing on his own face while looking in the mirror. Dan stood beside him, his mouth hanging open as he watched Phil in awe. Phil drew cat whiskers on his cheeks and darkened the tip of his nose. Then he turned to face Dan. “What do you think?”

He started to say something sarcastic, taking a dig at how Phil had run the marker too many times across his nose so that the black had started to flake off, but he couldn’t do it. The full force of the gesture that Phil was making had hit him, and Dan felt his eyes getting misty and his throat was closing with emotion. He choked out, “I don’t know. I… I just… I really love you. So much.”

“I really love you so much, too.” Phil extended the point of the marker. “Would you like some whiskers, too? Then we can match.”

Dan nodded and Phil leaned in to start sketching on his face. It was a strangely intimate feeling. Phil smiled. Their faces were only a few inches apart. “This is one of my favorite things to do.”

“What? Drawing on faces?” The marker was rubbing on the tip of his nose now, and Dan resisted the urge to sneeze and the smell of the marker wasn’t helping. “You’re a strange person, but I like that about you. Just remind me to never pass out drunk at a party with you.”

Phil laughed as he put the cap on the marker. He stepped back to admire his work. “You look cute. So, are you ready to do this?”

Dan nodded, hoping that he didn’t look as nervous as he felt. He stayed nervous while they filmed, but filming the video was fun and he tried to relax. Then they watched back some of the footage that they shot, and suddenly everything seemed to be okay.

As Phil was editing, Dan tried to see the video from the perspective of someone who believed that Nekos were sex toys, but he couldn’t. No one who saw this video would believe that their relationship was one of sexual slavery.

They acted a bit shy on camera together at first, but it was obvious that there was something else between them, hidden just below the surface. When Dan looked at Phil, he looked like a man seeing the sun for the first time. He also saw the way Phil looked at him. It was a bit subtler, but Phil looked perfectly happy, content, and satisfied, like a man sinking into a warm bath. Both of them looked like they didn’t want to be anywhere else in the world. They looked like they belonged together. So, how could someone see this video and believe otherwise?

Suddenly, Dan didn’t care anymore if they did.

#phan #phandom #phanfic #phanfiction #dan and phil #dan x phil #neko

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patriotsrising1 · 3 years

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The Power of Soft Power

What I have tried to do in these writings is to encourage “soft power”. What is soft power? Well, a look at our enemies will tell us. Antifa and BLM burning down cities and attacking people is hard power. The media covering up their crimes is an example of soft power. The fear Antifa and BLM generate in people to control them is also soft power. Saul Alinsky's “Rules for Radicals” is a manual on how to weaponize soft power. Let's go through them and see what we can learn. Remember “soft power” is still power!

“Power is not only what you have, but what the enemy thinks you have.” Power is derived from 2 main sources – money and people. “Have-Nots” must build power from flesh and blood.

This rule shows the power of organization. The militia will never have as much money as the Wall Street vampires, the DNC, or the corrupt GOP politicians. This lack of money can be countered by organization. The North Vietnamese communists were super-organized, it was the only way they could fight the super-wealthy United States. Even now, they are far more organized that we are, I personally feel too many conservatives are “waiting to be saved” from the evil of the DNC. My response has been the same from the beginning. Get off your ass.

2. “Never go outside the expertise of your people.” It results in confusion, fear and retreat. Feeling secure adds to the backbone of anyone.

What he is saying is stick with what you know. The limitation of this is lower level people in Antifa and BLM don't really know much at all, they just how to be violent. The leadership of Antifa and BLM, admittedly trained Marxists, know how to use these useful idiots. To counter the enemy, every militia member needs to be trained and encouraged to think for themselves. They need to know who, what, when, why, and how of what they are doing. This is the “Ethical Indoctrination” I mentioned earlier that was used by Evans Carlson's Marine Raiders in WW2.We need our people to be of better quality than their people. Therefore, the training must be intense and thorough so as make them as comfortable and secure in whatever challenges they face. Ethical Indoctrination has be coupled with competent training!

3. “Whenever possible, go outside the expertise of the enemy.” Look for ways to increase insecurity, anxiety and uncertainty.

Every group has a weakness that can be exploited. In the Vietnam War, the US Marines were far superior in training and firepower than the North Vietnamese Army, but the US Marines (by law) could not fight the North Vietnamese in American universities where Marxism held sway and they could not fight them in the communists propaganda outlets of CBS, NBC, ABC, The NY Times, etc. These places were “outside” the expertise of the Marine Corps, which is why the communists put so much effort into taking over them. On a positive note, while lefties are experts on establishing narratives, their thinking has almost nothing to do with reality. We are experts on the real world and that is where we should be the most active. However, we are in a total and desperate fight to save this republic, but we are being beaten by the left because they are good organizers.

4. “Make the enemy live up to its own book of rules.” If the rule is that every letter gets a reply, send 30,000 letters. You can kill them with this because no one can possibly obey all of their own rules.

For an example of using an evil Lefty institution's rules against them, watch this video. It is full of legal terms and concepts, but it shows that even a big corporation that screws over Conservatives on a regular basis, Patreon, can be damaged or destroyed by using their rules. WATCH THIS VIDEO DESPITE ITS HOW DENSE IT IS WITH LEGAL JARGON. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RaFSHBTDj5Y

5. “Ridicule is man’s most potent weapon.” There is no defense. It’s irrational. It’s infuriating. It also works as a key pressure point to force the enemy into concessions.

I would add that we can add false accusations of being a Nazi, homophobe, bigot, etc. etc. have also been effective in the past. It let's them justify their evil while maintaining the illusion that they are virtuous. However, their weakness is that they are totalitarians and do not have since of humor. This is why funny memes are an effective tactic to use against them, and why many Big Tech companies are censoring memes so as to protect them. Make and spread funny memes people, they are powerful soft weapons!

6. “A good tactic is one your people enjoy.” They’ll keep doing it without urging and come back to do more. They’re doing their thing, and will even suggest better ones.

This, I think is self-explanatory, but let's look inside the twisted mind of Lefties. In general, Lefties are, as individuals, pathetic. Because of this, they like to form mobs, both online and in the streets. Belonging to a mob gives them a sense of power that they would not otherwise have. All the virtue signaling they do is nothing more than white-wash on their internal tombs full of corruption and feelings of inadequacy. This is the basis of their being. We are not dealing with the great and the good, but pathetic individuals who can't wait to shout, “Witch! Witch!” (or “Nazi! Nazi!) and then see good people burned at the stake just to feel the rush of power. I said previously that we are better at reality and the reality is, these individuals are weak people and that fact should be exploited.

7. “A tactic that drags on too long becomes a drag.” Don’t become old news.

Again, this is self-explanatory. We can see how the term “racist” is being so overused and has been for so long that it no longer has much sting.

8. “Keep the pressure on. Never let up.” Keep trying new things to keep the opposition off balance. As the opposition masters one approach, hit them from the flank with something new.

I mentioned in the main body of this thread that we need to be creative. Here we see why. The more you hit someone and from different angles, the harder it is for them to respond. This works at both the tactical level and the strategic level, while using Hard Power and using Soft Power. Again we can look to the Vietnam War to see how operations on the battlefield where coupled with disinformation campaigns and subversion of the Universities and the media.

9. “The threat is usually more terrifying than the thing itself.” Imagination and ego can dream up many more consequences than any activist.

Thanks to their dystopian fantasies and their weak personalities, lefties are particularly prone to fear. The two major components of a lefty hive-minded insect is fear and hate. Use it against them. Every time the overreact with fear, use their excesses to show their evil to the world.

10. “The major premise for tactics is the development of operations that will maintain a constant pressure upon the opposition.” It is this unceasing pressure that results in the reactions from the opposition that are essential for the success of the campaign.

What they mean by “reactions from the opposition” are really overreactions, or reasonable reactions that can be twisted into overreactions when Brian Stelter or Rachel Maddow talk about them on the news. This is a warning to us, always be on guard, always be the first to state your narrative and make sure you repeat incessantly to counter the propaganda machine of the Lefties.

11. “If you push a negative hard enough, it will push through and become a positive.” Violence from the other side can win the public to your side because the public sympathizes with the underdog.

This rule explains why CNN and the rest were defending the riots as legitimate expressions of anger at the cops. That is why they pushed the “Defund the Police!” nonsense. The thing here, is that we don't really need to promote any negatives. However, things like Gun Control can be pushed back against.

12. “The price of a successful attack is a constructive alternative.” Never let the enemy score points because you’re caught without a solution to the problem.

This is important, it means you have to know how to fix something. You can't just burn something down, you need to have a plan to replace it.

13. “Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it.” Cut off the support network and isolate the target from sympathy. Go after people and not institutions; people hurt faster than institutions.

Again, self-explanatory, but you see this tactic being done everyday, especially online where there is no risk to Leftists since the Big Tech companies allow them free reign on Twitter, Facebook, etc.

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marilyngogosworld · 7 years

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Have you always felt like you are different than everyone else? You can't really explain how or why. I'm not asking if you were popular or not. You could be sitting in a room of hundreds of your close friends and family. Yet you have always felt like you are different.

If you answered yes… Then I have a message for you. What if I told you that I could explain exactly why you have always felt that way.

But first in order to understand my theory, I feel you must know some of my story. Before I left Arizona to start traveling I read this book, it changed my life. The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer. This book talks about only accepting positive energy, never negative. Yes you'll experience negative things in life. But you once experience it you are then capable of letting the energy of that experience go. That's it. No harboring that energy signature. You can't change what has happened. So why are you worrying about it so much?

Let it go.

The book then goes on about numerous other things that help you and your soul. But the thing that changed my life is when it talks about your “2nd Brain” that voice in your head that is non stop, that over thinks everything, that keeps you up and night and literally almost always winds up being negative. The book then guides through a meditation and if it’s done with your whole intention of success it will teach you to shut that “2nd Brain” up. To where you no longer have that voice constantly whirling through your mind at all times. Not one bit. Because let's face it...that voice isn't reality.

What is reality then? It is right here and right now. This present moment. Wherever you are, with the people that are around you and the things in your immediate environment. That is the only reality that you can change. Not the reality of tomorrow. Nor the reality of yesterday. So please tell me why are you even wasting your energy on those thoughts of tomorrow and yesterday? Why in Gods name are you still thinking about it?

I did that meditation and I no longer hear that voice. It's so freeing and peaceful. Once I was able to hush that constant noise I started to notice something different, a sort of 6th sense so to speak.

I started to feel, yes feel, these colors… At first that was the best way to describe it. I first noticed this when I was working in a rather small club in Tulsa, Oklahoma. And I was sitting next to a customer and kept feeling ORANGE,BLUE,ORANGE,BLUE,ORANGE, BLUE. That feeling was so strong that it completely overtook my mind and it was as if his conversation with me was just a faint buzz in the background. So after having a mini internal freak out, I realized it was his energy - his Aura that I was feeling. So I grabbed my phone and Google’d the color of people's auras. I then handed him my phone and asked him to read those two colors, and to tell me if he thinks it accurately describes him. Well it was spot on. Since that first intuitive moment of knowing he was an orange-blue individual I have been reading everyone's aura with incredible accuracy. I can feel the color of people's auras . I had a gift , thats what I like to call it at least. A gift that I was able to hone in on and push its boundaries, the strength of my mental capacity , the ability to make it stronger, and more able to control. I became capable of being in control of my energy to the point of it affecting others if I wanted it to .

So fast forward to this year , Feb 2016 . Im sitting in my favorite dive bar in Tulsa, Oklahoma once again, writing on my blog like I always do, When a middle aged gentleman comes into the bar and go and gives everyone a hug, I had no idea who this was mind you . Then he proceeds to sit across the bar from me , looks up at me and asks

“ What are you doing? Writing in your diary ?” with a smug grin on the scruffy face of his

Me- “ NOOoooooo, Well actually ya kinda , it's my blog , which is a story about my life … So yes , yes I guess I am writing in my diary .”

Him - “ Well I have a story for you .” Said very matter of factly

Me- “Oh really ?? Do tell “ and i cross my arms in front of me .

“ In due time , in due time “ he said I shrug my shoulders and go back to my writing . Well a couple hours pass and the gentleman's friends that came with him finally left . And he then came and sat right next to me .

He leans back, looks at my wings I have tattooed on my back and says …. “Angel wings huh?? ….. Very fitting . “

I shrug off the comment , I knew they weren't angel wings , they had their own meaning , and I knew that .

And that's when things got a bit intense , and my whole direction in life changed . He then looked me straight in the eyes , a little too close for comfort in fact and said “ You have no idea how powerful you are do you ?” Instantly the hairs on the back of my neck stood at attention , a mental warning to myself , because I hadn't had told hardly anyone about my gift. How did he know ? My feelers went out and I began reading him , he wasn't evil , or even negative at all , it was a different energy and color but it wasn't bad by any means . Now intrigued with this creature , I came back to reality , and he then made another statement , just as intense as the first. “ You have no idea WHO you are , now do you ?

Knee jerk reaction stick out my hand to shake his and with a shitty grin and a higher pitched voice that usual said “Yes I do my name is Alina Gifford “ being the smart ass that I can be . He rolled his eyes while grumbling out a very funny .

He then proceeded to write down this name on a piece of paper and scooted it over to me, telling me to look this up . And what popped up on the screen was a picture of an archangel , Metatron . Now if you have never heard of metatron , I suggest you look into it . And all the other archangels in fact. You'll understand why here in a minute . So Metatron is an arch angel sent down here to meet like minded people tell them, who they are , their purpose , and then to write the truth about it . That last part is what really caught my attention - Write the truth about it - Well I AM a writer, and every single one of my stories are 100% the truth besides the names of the people involved . Being so confused and not really wanting to connect the dots with this archangel and I .. I played dumb and stuttered out “ So what is this ? …. This is me ? This is my arch angel? I don't get it “

“This is your archangel yes , but he is guiding you with his purpose as well , that is why you are here , this is your divine path. I know you have unique capabilities , as do I , Mine is more of a messenger type path , that's why I am here tonight . I knew that I needed to go out tonight to find someone , I didn't know who until I saw you. This is what you must do, you have to to find the ones that have a gift like you and I and tell them. “

ME . - I can't do that people are going to think that I'm crazy, telling them they have a gift?!

Him - “You can, and you will. That is the only way that they will know answer to tap into their gift you must tell them because the ones that have a gift are the ones that are meant to stay and populate this earth. You must find them , and tell them because bad things are going to happen very soon and we need everyone that has these special abilities to be ready. Because there is going to be death all around us , chaos , and mass destruction.”

He told me that the people I would meet wouldnt be the ones that just had an easy life , that had everything handed to them . They would be the ones that had lived a harder life, that had been knocked down so many times, but always got their butts back up and made it work. He said that “We” did that so that the ones with a gift would have empathy for others when times got hard , and would help up their brothers and sisters even if they were that homeless person on the street, They would know that they had a good soul and needed to be here in the world. The messenger also said that know that I know my gift that the gifted ones would basically FLOCK to me . They would feel drawn to me , almost as if they had to meet me , and once meeting me would feeling completely comfortable telling me things they never tell even their closest of friends. He went on to explain a bit more and with his every word I could feel that it all was the truth. Not once did I even question it . My soul knew that it was the truth.

I’m sure that you all are either intrigued because this hits home , or you think I’m bat shit crazy. Some of you might already know what Im talking about , some might not , but just know this , if You answered the question I asked above with a YES , then you have a gift , and this gift will eventually make itself known. If you train your mind to quiet that 2nd brain, the overthinking , the racing thoughts , the often negative thoughts that pull you from living in the now . That is when your gift will be able to come out and be noticed . Because its not being clouded by those constant clouding thoughts .

Now each one of you will have a different gift and your own perception of it is unique. I have started to categorize these gifts yet not one individual will necessarily be like another. There are: Protectors - the ones that have an innate ability to walk into a room and see what is going to happen before it happens and instinctively protect. Healers, Seerers, Master Communicators, Nurturers, Warriors, Lightworkers, as well as a few more.

I know you all are questioning this whole theory, some with intrigue and some with doubt. That's what I want you to do. I want you to question your very existence. Your reason for being here on Earth. So that you can begin to expand your mind. I will give you a very simple way to know if the information you research is true or a falsity .Now I employ you all to do some research of your own , and the way you know the truth , although not the easiest pill to swallow and your mind might try to sway you to the logical explanation . But if you feel a tightness in your chest , and anxiousness when pondering this topic then that's obviously not the right answer or the right way , now if you feel at peace , and calm , that is the truth. Your soul knows where it needs to go.

And since that night, with so much information to process , I began on my divine path . Meeting all kinds of people , being open to everyone and their energy. Going on these adventures that I never thought I'd ever experience, especially because they were spiritually driven . And meeting so many people with these amazing gifts. With all of them having a common denominator of feeling like they don't fit in , that there is and has always been something more to life . I finally came up with a name for all of as well , we are the misfits of society .

And I am so excited to meet more of you , to come find you, and help you understand and fill that void that you feel, fill it with your true purpose to be on this earth my misfits and I grow stronger and more knowledgeable as we enlighten our minds with the truths of this amazing universe and what it has in store for us .

#July #2017 #Chrono

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igumdroppoop · 5 years

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oh my god guys i literally just finished writing this sub blog and then i refreshed the page by accident and it all disappeared i can’t SO HERE WE GO AGAIN....

happy march guys! i had a long month of february and a lot to tell and share with you guys. i’m pretty sure you guys noticed that i spent a lot of time with my friends during that month, specifically with aria/joyce/celine especially. it’s probably because i started playing games more that we started hanging out more, and it’s honestly really funny when we get together because it seems like four degenerate girls in a slice of life anime just exploring life together and messing around together and yeah LOL. here’s a picture of when we walked in the rain to get fried chicken and finally got it after a long and hard road battle...

other than celine/aria/joyce, i’ve been hanging out a lot with albert too! we’ve just been streaming together a lot and if you guys saw, we did a cooking stream together where we assigned eachother a recipe that we had to impromptu follow. i gave him pork roast from shokugeki no soma which he tried to recreate and here is the expectation VS reality:

LOOOL. it was pretty funny and annie’s reaction to tasting it was the most wholesome thing ever. you guys probably don’t see much of annie because she’s so busy with school but she’s like my older sister who always cheers me up when i need it the most and i love her so much...she also literally takes care of my wounds (on thanksgiving i peeled some of my finger off and she wrapped it up for me and made me a homemade ice pack)

janet’s surprise birthday party was also in february! i’m sure you guys have seen this picture already but just in case any of you haven’t~

it’s crazy because only a year ago, i remember shitting my pants going to the offline tv house to play mafia because i was so nervous if we would all get along or not. and only a year later i feel like all of us have been through so much together that we really trust and love eachother like a big family.

anyways, now to the *real* part... i spent a lot of february not alone and in the company of my friends. and i was debating on not sharing this with you guys, but anybody who isn’t lazy enough to type in the password and read this subblog probably does care a lot about me so i want to share you guys to why february was a harder month for me. i fell into a deep dark hole of internet hate last month and even though it started with just a few mean youtube comments, i dug deeper and started reading mean reddit threads and hateful anonymous comments and even anonymous DMs. before last month i kinda always knew that this hate existed, i just never bothered to read them or put my attention onto them. idk how it happened but it did, and before i knew it i was in really dark place.

people would be calling me spoiled, ugly, not deserving to live, a fake bitch, telling me i should kill myself, and above all those trolls there were serious people too who were messaging me in their disappointment in me, along with just a lot of false assumptions about me...i always thought i had thick skin and that those things wouldn’t bother me which is why i never read them, but some days you’re more sensitive than others, and i guess it just hit me during the wrong time. this made extremely insecure, and at one point i even started to believe the things that people were saying about me and it made me hate myself even more. it was hard for me and it really made me feel like i was letting everybody down in my life when that wasn’t the case at all.

after that i was super self-conscious about all my actions and whatever came out of my mouth. it was hard for me to stream because there are literally people who are watching my stream at ALL times just waiting to clip a moment that shows me being “violent”, “spoiled”, a “fake bitch”...i was kinda scared and it was super hard to sleep too

that’s why i spent a lot of time with my friends last month because they did really make me feel safe. since all my closest friends are in the public image as much as i am if not more, i really felt understood and secure being with them. and guys, honestly, that month was really hard for me but it made me so so so much stronger. i have really changed my perspective to know and believe that i really can’t please everyone, and i need to work to make ME happy and nobody else especially not a hater on the internet. it made me appreciate all the people who were always there for me (you guys, my friends, family) and i realized all the attention i give to negative haters should be given to all my loved ones instead.

i also wanted to thank you guys, who always sent me such supportive messages and any of you who watched my stream whenever you could in your free time. guys, don’t get me wrong, the supportive messages always meant a lot to me, but after reading so many hate messages, seeing a sub just sending me a message of support in my chat just made my HEART SO FUCKING WARM!!! i fucking love you guys. AND I AM OVER ALL OF IT NOW!!!! AND I AM BACK STRONGER!!! HELL YEAAAA JAIME THICKER SKIN +10 POINTS IN LIFE BITCHES!!! what doesn’t kill u makes u stronger

ANYWHO!!! look what anna (nakoini) sent me!! SO CUTE!!

okay honestly not gonna lie after i wrote all of that (twice) i’m pretty tired and have no idea what else to write in this entry... OH! here are my goals for this month:

♡ workout consistently

♡ get better at league

♡ incorporate more games onto my channel

♡ spend more time with my community

with that being said, i’ll be bringing back anime/movie night! i was thinking of doing them on fridays at 5pm PDT. i’ll talk more about the time on stream, but yeah everyone always requests for them so let’s do that more.

also wanted to tell you guys that because i’m going to be streaming league more, you’ll probably see a bit of a change in my community/chat... i don’t think it will be a bad change, but i checked my analytics and already just from streaming league of legends the past week, more of my viewers watch league more than they do just chatting.. isn’t that crazy? it’s only by 3% but still HAHA.

and i’m aware that i’ll have a drop in viewership while i invest more times in games, but to be honest with you guys i couldn’t sustain a healthy balance for myself constantly doing IRL. and also league makes me have so much fun right now and it’s a game i seriously want to keep on playing! and don’t worry, i was never really one to care too much about viewership, as long as my chat is happy and i’m happy fun i still absolutely love streaming. if you told me a year ago i could have even more than 300 viewers playing league i’d be so happy HAHAHAHAH. but whose to say i won’t change my mind next month hehe, life is always kind of a search for balance. this month i’ll be spending a lot more time on my stream and community at the sacrifice of spending time with friends/family but that’s completely okay since i spent so much time last month rekindling those. <3

and to get into the healthy habit of being proud of our achievements even if they are small, here’s my list for the month of feb! and feel free to share them with me while i’m streaming, i absolutely love hearing your guys’ little achievements even if they’re small.

♡ i’m pretty sure if friendships had a grade, i got 100% A+ last month for all my friends <3

♡ got through a rough month with an advantage after (a stronger mental and appreciation for my loved ones)

♡ my uber rating went up to a 4.8 LMAO

♡ learned four new cooking recipes

ok.. as you can see my month was not very successful BUT.. i have my own personal list of things i am going to work on too! and from what i’ve learned from being in the public eye and having a magnifying glass on me:

your life is YOUR life, and nobody is in the position to tell you what to do with it. you decide what you wanna do for yourself, and those who support and love you will support and love you, and those who don’t shouldn’t stop you from doing what you love or doing what makes you happy.

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imagine--drv3 · 7 years

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hI'd like to ask whoever wants to write it how the NDRV3 guys handle a s/o who is paralyzed from the waist down (if you'd like to, please include reactions to some dick pushing her out of her wheelchair too. If not, ignore the parentheses.). Also, I'm glad you guys are all together. So much detail is put in these imagines and it makes the scenarios so easy to imagine. Please keep writing and hopefully your life is a great one! Thanks if you do my request! (Also, sorry if I rambled a bit.)

I...may or may not have had to steal this ask from another mod. I really wanted to do this one! I hope you enjoy it! And thank you so much for appreciating our work! Under the cut, because this is a long post.

Korekiyo Shinguuji

the fact that you’re in a wheelchair doesn’t bother him, not at all, he loves you completely.

but the fact that life has damaged your incredible human body does is fact make him a little angry.

he really just wants better for you.

but you promise him you’re happy, and that you’re okay with it.

he chooses to believe you, but just because you’re okay with it doesn’t mean he has to be.

but he still loves you! just not the circumstances you were put in.

he supports you constantly, as he is a firm believer that the best thing he can do for you is be by your side.

two bodies working as one, two people working as one, his legs working as yours.

he’ll push your chair at a second’s notice, and is always there when your arms are tired and you need a rest.

if there’s somewhere that isn’t wheelchair accessible that you want to be, he’ll carry you the entire time, he doesn’t mind at all!

but he’ll have a few stern glares for whoever’s running the place. they really need to work on their accessibility.

if somebody dared to push you out of your chair, he would be furious.

you’d never seen him so angry, he had cussed them out so loudly and feverishly that he was just completely red in the face, he was mad.

you almost thought he was going to get violent, but he scared the guy so badly that the guy eventually ran off.

he was still completely pissed when you two got home, and you promised him it was fine!

no.

no, it’s not fine.

he tells you that it could not be further from fine.

he wants to be able to protect you, he doesn’t want to see you treated that way.

he wants everybody to see you as beautifully as he does.

and seeing you on the ground like that, helpless...it crushed him to think that this is how society sees you. that this is how you have to live.

you beckon him over and hug him close, rubbing his back and promising him that you’re happy.

he just wants more for you.

that’s all.

Rantarou Amami

he understands that he can’t change the way your body is, and he would never want to.

he likes to keep a positive outlook on things! you’re happy, and that’s all that matters to him.

he always pushes your wheelchair around when he can, saying you shouldn’t have to work so hard just to move! it isn’t fair!

more than anything else, he wants the world to be convenient for you.

you almost cried when he paid to have ramps installed all over his house for you, it was just so sweet.

and it made him absolutely broke...but it was for you, and it made things easier for you, and it made you happy, so he didn’t mind at all.

he constantly tells you how beautiful you are, without even mentioning your legs, just to make sure you remember.

but you can tell he’s thinking about your legs.

if somebody pushed you out of your wheelchair, he would be pissed, but he would keep it under control.

before he did anything, he would carefully help you back into your chair, get at eye level with you, and ask you if you were okay.

once he knew you were, he would calmly stand and ask the man to leave.

immediately.

if he did, there would be nothing after that.

if he didn’t, amami would take a step closer, look him dead in the eyes, and ask again.

this would usually scare somebody off, but if it didn’t, he’d fight them for sure.

it would be a short fight, one hit and the other man would be down.

always the best for his love!

he would frequently talk about how rude that man was for the rest of the day, it would be stuck in his head, but he would make sure you were okay consistently as well.

he cares!

Kokichi Ouma

...

well, if nothing else, he promises he loves you.

what that means is that he loves every part of you and would never want to upset you.

what that DOESN’T mean is that he doesn’t constantly ask you to do a wheelie, and sit in your lap when he doesn’t feel like walking, and refuse to push your wheelchair when you ask, and constantly make jokes about your disability (though all in good fun), and try to use you to get pity discounts at every opportunity.

“Sir you’re banned from this movie theater we can’t let you in”

“excuse?? me??? this girl is DYING and her LAST WISH is to SEE THIS MOVIE WITH ME”

and sometimes it actually works.

mostly it does not.

you get a little mad about some of his jokes, but other ones you can’t stay mad at because they’re just so funny.

he just wants to make you laugh!

he wants you to be as happy as possible at all times!

and if he can really see how tired you are, he’ll push your wheelchair for you, but for the most part he thinks free rides are better.

he would 100% try to see how fast he could get your chair going before jumping on the back and screaming lightning mcqueen quotes as you raced by strangers.

and you only crash like half the time!

he thinks your wheelchair is really a blessing!

he doesn’t see it in a negative light, not at all, it’s part of who you are, and it’s fun! it makes you exciting!

you’re...actually really glad he thinks that way.

if somebody pushed you out of your wheelchair, he would be angry, and almost offended, but all on your behalf.

he’d start threatening them with violence, misfortune, even death.

it’d be then that the man realized that there were a lot more people here now than there were when he entered, all with some form of purple on their clothes, all eyes locked on him.

ouma’s glare locked on him.

he would get the hell out of there fast.

hooray! problem solved!

Shuuichi Saihara

he’d be a little unsure of things at first, but not because he doesn’t love you! because he’s not sure if he can provide for you.

he doesn’t really know what you need.

he asks a lot of questions, and make sure to be extremely considerate then he asked, not wanting to say anything that would offend you.

also asking what would offend you.

he’s a little too careful for your liking, but you know his intentions are good, and he just wants best for you.

he’ll constantly push your wheelchair, but when you insist you can do it yourself, he backs off immediately.

eventually, you tell him that he really doesn’t need to be this careful around you! it’s getting ridiculous! he’s allowed to just act normal and casual, your wheelchair isn’t your only defining feature!

he apologizes profusely, and goes from doting to supporting.

he pushes your chair when you ask him to.

he helps you up stairs when you need him to.

he does what you ask, but from now on, he doesn’t treat you like his S/O in a wheelchair, he just treats you like his S/O.

and things are a lot better that way!

and then...there’s an incident.

when you’re pushed out of your wheelchair, he immediately runs to rescue you, helping you back into your chair and asking you several times if you’re okay, insanely worried for your health.

then he turns to the man who pushed you.

he wants to defend you, really, he does, but’s he’s scared and he’s fragile, and he knows he won’t win a fight with this man.

you tell him not to fight.

he doesn’t want to fight.

he fights anyway.

you can’t bear to watch, you’re screaming at him to stop, but nothing is stopping, nobody is quitting, and you just look away.

you can hear it when he loses.

you can hear it when the man walks away.

and then, you hear laughter.

quiet, pained laughter, wrong laughter.

you wheel over to him and ask him why he’s laughing, why he’s just laying there, why this is so funny to him, and he just laughs harder.

finally, he looks at you, still chuckling, anguished tears pouring down his face, and tells you.

he can’t feel his legs.

Kaito Momota

kind of a mix between korekiyo and ouma...

he feels pretty bummed that you have to be in a wheelchair, but he makes the best of it and likes to make things fun for both of you!

definitely wants to know if you can do a wheelie.

does not know how to bring it up.

finally just asks!

he is absolutely ELATED when you totally CAN do a wheelie.

he wants to know ALL the tricks you can do, and he’s adorable and so excited, so you’re happy to share.

he runs errands for you so that you don’t have to go to too many hard-to-access places, and he’s happy to drive you around whenever you need it!

he just wants to make you happy and have a good time!

but he also wants you to be okay.

so he asks what he can do to help, if you’re okay, if you need anything, that sort of stuff.

would never, ever make a joke about your disability, but would still laugh if you joke about it.

he just wouldn’t be too sure about doing it himself.

he would be pissed as hell if somebody else made a joke at your expense.

you always knew he had some underlying anger issues, but when that man pushed you out of your wheelchair, he really flipped.

he didn’t even help you back into your chair before he was just wailing on this guy, practically bloodying him with how hard he was beating on him.

you couldn’t look away, but he wishes you would have. he doesn’t want you seeing him like a violent person, because really, he isn’t, but he had to defend you, he couldn’t just let you be demeaned like that!

he helps you back into your chair, and apologizes for not helping sooner.

he checks you over to make sure you’re okay, even though you promise you are!

he just wants to be cautious, that’s all. he wants you to be safe.

he’s pissed off for the rest of the day, but more worried about you than anything.

Kiibo

he’s actually a really big help!

he took you and your chair to his professor to have your chair...modified.

but now it’s electric, and you didn’t have to pay a dime!

it’s very convenient!

and because of his strength, wheelchair inaccessible locations are child’s play.

he can lift you and the chair easily! he simply carries you up the stairs and puts you back down when you get to the top!

anything to make life easier for you.

he tells you that if you ever need anything, you can just ask, and he’ll provide!

he wants your life to be fair.

he wants you to have just as much opportunity as everybody else!

he understands better than any of the boys what it’s like to be looked at differently for something you can’t change.

he sympathizes deeply with you.

if somebody ever looked at you condescendingly on the street, or made an off remark about you and he registered as offensive, he would be very quick to defend you!

he knows he can never really understand what it’s like to be in the position you’re in, but he can a little.

he tells you that sometimes, if his body is trying to preserve power or he has a bug/virus, a limb or two will stop being functional.

it’s very stressful, and very inconvenient, and makes life much harder.

so while he could never understand how it is to never be able to move his legs, he can have a taste of what it would be like to be paralyzed.

he wants so much more for you.

you promise him you’re happy, and he tells you he’s glad, but he’d still like more for you regardless.

but as long as you’re smiling, he’s fine.

whatever keeps you smiling!

if somebody were to push you out of your wheelchair, he’d be completely taken aback.

he wouldn’t know how to react for a second, but when he realized what was happened, he’d be mad!

he’d help you up and sternly tell this man to leave before kiibo is forced to hurt him.

this, of course, leads to a fight.

however...

kiibo can’t do much, not with the laws of robotics in place.

so though he doesn’t hit back even once, he blocks every hit, and the man eventually leaves.

but you’re safe, that’s what matters!

Gonta Gokuhara

he’s...a little upset when he realizes that you can’t really explore the same terrains as he can.

as a man of nature, it’s disheartening! he wants to take you up mountains, across forests, he wants to explore with you by his side!

but your wheelchair can’t cross the terrains he explores.

so he’s disappointed.

but then!! idea!!!

gonta can just carry you! gonta is very strong, he would never drop you, he promises! he’s a gentleman!

so, eventually, you agree, and after that, your world is so open.

gonta can take you anywhere and everywhere!

you see incredible things when you’re with him, you can truly explore, and it feels like nothing can stop you!

he wants you to be happy, he wants you to do all the things you never thought you could do.

his goal is to make sure all your dreams are fulfilled, disability or not.

you’re amazed by what you can do! all thanks to gonta!

he loves you so much, but unrelated, he thinks your wheelchair is an obstacle.

not that it reflects on you in any way! gonta thinks you’re perfect!

it’s just the chair that bothers him.

so he does what he can to make the world accessible for you.

this mostly involves carrying you. anywhere.

and when he’s not carrying you, he’s gladly pushing your chair! anything he can do to help!

you’re very appreciative of how much he cares!

that’s just what a gentleman does, he assures you!

if you were to be pushed out of your wheelchair, he would catch you.

you would NOT hit the ground. he wouldn’t allow it.

you have no idea how somebody so big could have those kind of lightning reflexes, but next thing you know, you’re back in your chair.

gonta tells you to close your eyes, and when you open them again, the man is gone and gonta is wheeling you home.

pay it no mind!

he handled things!

Ryouma Hoshi

he doesn’t really care.

it’s just a part of who you are, so whatever.

he can’t push your wheelchair too well with his size...

he also can’t carry you, and he’s pissed that he’s so useless.

you promise him that you’re fine, and that you appreciate the thought.

still, he wishes he could do more for you.

but what he can do, he does do.

he makes every effort to make your life easier.

sometimes, if he’s tired - and he HATES when you do this - you’ll put him in your lap.

most of the time, he’s out like a light.

you think it’s absolutely adorable and absolutely hilarious.

when you wheel around with him asleep in your lap, people always think he’s your son.

always.

but you don’t tell him that part.

he just wants to care for you, and provide for you!

if you were to be pushed out of your wheelchair, he’d be enraged.

what kind of real man takes advantage of somebody like that?

he’d let the man get away.

he’d help you back into your chair, and he’d take you home, and then he’d go.

it’d be very safe to say he hurt that man badly when he tracked him down.

it’d be a little more safe to say he may have even killed him.

he didn’t stop to check before he went home.

scum like that doesn’t deserve to live.

#mod ouma #danganronpa #new danganronpa v3 #drv3 #drv3 imagine #imagine #self insert #korekiyo shinguuji #rantarou amami #ouma kokichi #shuuichi saihara #kaito momota #kiibo #gonta gokuhara #ryouma hoshi

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themomsandthecity · 6 years

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Your Kids . . . According to Zodiac Signs

It would be great if, along with the pillow-sized maxi pads, enormous mesh undies, and teeny-tiny diapers, someone would tuck a how-to manual inside our hospital bags when we take our new babies home. I don't mean a generalized manifesto of "this is a baby and here's how you keep it alive" - I mean a guide specifically geared toward the particular model we're tasked with parenting. But let's face it: coffeemakers come with more detailed instructions than babies do. When it comes to raising our kids, it's a guessing game, and their personalities are a huge factor in how easy it'll be. We must navigate through life anticipating their reactions to certain scenarios, and they're all different; one kid is clinging to our legs when we try to drop him off at day care, and the next one is trying to unbuckle herself and get out before the car even stops moving. Related Zodiac Signs Who Make Great Moms, Ranked From BEST to WORST But there is a way we can be at least a little bit clued-in to our kids' innate personalities, the things that make them tick (and the things that make them ticked-off): we can look at their zodiac signs. By knowing a little bit about the classic characteristics of our offspring's ruling sign, we can gain some insight into what drives them. Flighty or fearless, bubbly or bashful, their traits can depend on their horoscope - and we've got the scoop on what to expect from each. * Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 20) Capricorn kiddos are old souls, and you'll sometimes marvel at their level of maturity (it can seem like they're wise senior citizens living in young bodies). Because of this, they gravitate toward older friends, and adore spending time with Mom and Dad. They are ambitious and diligent, stable and consistent, and will actually help keep you on schedule; consistency is key for kids born under the sign of the Goat. Their determination is unwavering, but that can also mean they're stubborn when it comes to any change in plans or deviation from their usual path. Introduce any changes slowly, and appreciate your little Capricorn's love of stability - and unparalleled loyalty. * Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19) Fiercely independent and possessing a great need for personal space, Aquarian kids may not be the type to crave physical closeness (no "huggers" here!), but don't be offended - it's just that they're too busy exploring their environment to spend much time being cuddled. From the time they're babies, they'll be poking their noses into every available nook and cranny, and by the time they're teens, they'll be begging you to allow them to travel alone (eek!). Adventure is the Aquarius kid's middle name, and they tend to be on the unconventional side, preferring to dance to their own drummer. Prepare for a bit of rebellion if you attempt, as parents do, to rein your little Aquarian in. Allow for as much independence as you (and your child) can handle, and remember that a traditional path, in an Aquarian's eyes, is not always the best one. * Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20) Pisces kids are prone to - as Katy Perry would put it - catching "feels." They are super sensitive to the energies around them, and their emotions run high. They wear their huge, open hearts on their sleeves, showing compassion and caring for the vulnerable without realizing that they, themselves, are vulnerable. Like a real live fish, your Pieces child may be a little on the shy side, seeking refuge in a hiding place from time to time. I hope the paint on your walls is washable, because sensitive Fish may find solace from emotional overload in anything artsy; Piscean kids have rich and fanciful imaginations and love being creative, whether through drawing or writing or simply acting out dramatic scenes with toys. Their considerate nature means they give ceaselessly of themselves, so make sure you refill their cup with a lot of love and nurturing. * Aries (March 21-April 20) You've got an Aries? Better have insurance. And caffeine. Aries kiddos are spunky, energetic little fireballs who want to explore everything headfirst . . . whether you want them to or not. They possess a magnificent sense of determination, which will be a great asset when they get older, but may cause them to butt heads when their strong will clashes with yours (hey, their symbol is the ram, after all). They are natural-born leaders (read: kinda bossy) who can quickly become frustrated when things don't go their way, but a few encouraging words and a pat on the back can quickly recharge your little Aries's go-getter spirit. They love applause! * Taurus (April 21-May 21) Have you ever heard the term "stubborn as a bull"? It's accurate when it comes to the miniature bulls of the zodiac: aka Taurus kids. Very set in their ways, trying to change a tiny Taurus's mind can be an exercise in futility. But bulls are strong and solid, and so are Taurus children - both literally and figuratively. They'll rarely be sick, and their steady, dependable temperament and thoughtful disposition make them lovable despite their occasionally inflexible nature. They thrive on a consistent daily routine; it gives them the feeling of stability that they crave. And when your Bull is showing those horns, your best bet is to be a calm, quieting influence. * Gemini (May 22-June 21) Be prepared to say a lot of "mm-hmm," because you won't be able to get a word in edgewise with a Gemini kid in the house. Their interests are diverse and ever-changing, and their sociable personalities make them want to talk about it all (in detail), so you're in for a lifetime of listening. Fortunately, though, Geminis are gregarious and funny; you'll be entertained by their exuberant nature and zest for communication. You'll also be exhausted trying to keep up, because your little Gemini will change preferences like most people change underwear - which means there will also be a lot of unfinished projects. But just remind yourself that each new undertaking is satisfying your Gemini's rabid curiosity and keeping them from getting bored, as they so easily tend to do. * Cancer (June 22-July 22) The symbol of the Cancer child is a crab, and it's fitting - because kids born under the Cancer sign make good use of their figurative "shell." They are naturally sensitive, and when feelings overwhelm them, they retreat protectively into themselves just like an actual crab would. Despite their armor, they are easily hurt, so watch what you say when you're irritated; even if you don't mean it, your angry words (or anyone else's, for that matter) will pierce your little crab right through the heart. But as inconvenient as their sensitivity can be at times, it's also an asset, because those soft hearts are made of gold. Cancer kids are caring and considerate. They don't like to lead, and sometimes prefer solitude to the company of others, so keep that in mind when you're planning their extracurricular activities. * Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) Leo kids are the lion cubs of the zodiac, and you'll definitely hear them roar; they are nothing if not opinionated. Their way is the best way (just ask them!) and they enjoy being number one, which can make it a bit difficult to be a team player sometimes - they'd rather lead the team than just be a member of it. Leos want to be the best at everything and are particularly disappointed when they feel they aren't, so positive reinforcement goes a long way for these little Lions. They are proud and love to feel important. Any opportunity to make them feel like leaders is welcome, and appealing to that ego will work in every aspect of their lives . . . even if it's just telling them that you're having them unload the dishwasher because no one else does it better. * Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 23) "Perfection" is the keyword for children born under the sign of the Virgin - not because they are perfect, but because you'll never see anybody try harder to achieve that status. They are typically tidy and fastidious, meticulously tending to every little thing from their rooms to their personal hygiene to their health (for dinner last night my family went to a pizza buffet, and my Virgo son opted to hit up the salad bar instead; that's a Virgo in a nutshell). Virgo kids are naturally helpful, because anything they can do to contribute to an orderly and peaceful environment, they'll do. But because they're such creatures of habit, and so determined to make everything perfect, they can be hard on themselves if they fall even a smidge short. Keeping a steady routine, and gently reminding them that they're doing a great job (and that you love them no matter what), can help keep your little Virgo from becoming overly stressed under their own self-imposed pressure to keep everything just-so. * Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 23) Most parents hear "It's not fair!" from their offspring, but parents of Libra kids might hear it just a little more often - and in this case, the kids are probably right. Libras, whose symbol is the Scales, are inborn seekers of balance and harmony. This makes them natural peacemakers, fantastic at mediating and helping people work together in compromise. Unfortunately, if you lay down a parental rule they feel is unfair, you may find yourself in an argument; but the good news is, these pint-sized arbitrators can be convinced by a solid explanation. They have a deep appreciation for music and beauty and thrive in a peaceful household – negativity is toxic to a little Libra. Crank up some tunes, dance in your kitchen, and watch your Libra kid's joy bubble over. * Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22) You'll learn early to trust your Scorpio scamp's natural intuition, because as the most psychically sensitive sign in the zodiac, Scorpio kids possess a keen ability to "read" people and situations. You won't always know what they're thinking or feeling, because they're also among the most private of signs - great secret-keepers, which can be both good when someone is confiding in them and terrible when they're trying to hide something. Your little Scorpion is also equipped with quite the proverbial stinger, and they are champion grudge-holders when they feel they've been wronged. But Scorpio kids also love deeply and benefit greatly from displays of affection. They are bold and unafraid, because they trust their own sharp instincts. And they're just as intelligent as they are intuitive, so the Scorpio child is no fool; they don't enjoy being talked down to. * Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 21) The Sagittarius child has a warm, sunny personality: the smiley face emoji of the zodiac! These happy-go-lucky kids are always the life of the party, because they carry the "party" inside them wherever they go with their natural exuberance. They're endlessly optimistic, which is a wonderful quality - until it involves risk-taking. Sagittarius children are so sure things will turn out positively that they sometimes fail to even consider the possible negative consequences. But it takes a lot to put a damper on that bright spirit, so they bounce back remarkably well when things do go awry. Little Sagittarians are very independent, and, like their sign, the Archer, are straight shooters: they'll tell you exactly what they're thinking, and always the truth, even if it's painful. These are the kids who will cheerfully tell Aunt Martha that her potato salad isn't as good as Mom's. Raising children is never a simple task, but the better we understand our kids, the more effective parents we are. We may never have a definitive and specific how-to manual (darn it), but if their star signs can provide even the tiniest glimpse of insight, parenting them accordingly is definitely worth a try. http://bit.ly/2FqBfdN

#Horoscope #Motherhood #Astrology #Parenting

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russellthornton · 7 years

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Negging Game: The Philosophy of Negging and How to Use It Right

Rather than being afraid to tread on toes, the art of negging is an experiment in creating exciting emotional connection.

In the Google definition, you see negging described as a backhanded compliment or insult, strategically designed to make another person question their own confidence and give you their approval.

But I think this too-literal interpretation doesn’t quite hit the mark. Negging is something even good friends do with each other. Even if they’re not aware they do it. Nevertheless, ask someone if they respond emotionally to negs and they’ll probably say, “Hell, no, I don’t have low self-esteem; I’m confident in who I am.” There’s an element of truth to that statement, but again it misses the mark…

The truth about negging women

Actually, if someone can’t laugh at themselves a little, or be challenged in any way, that probably speaks more about their level of insecurity than if they were to laugh or exclaim in reaction to a neg.

I remember a comedian—Joe Rogan—saying something like, “You know that I consider you a good friend if I make fun of you.” So think of negging as the Ying to the Yang in playful banter.

Negging women the right way – With all the right negging examples

If your aim is emotional domination or manipulation, then you’re way off my friend. If you aim at fun for the both of you, now you’re on the mark. Simply put, it can be exciting to engage in verbal and behavioral play. Always having to be agreeable is… boring. [Read: Nice guy syndrome – 15 reasons why girls find nice guys terribly boring]

The following philosophies provide insight into how negging women can be a great way to create exciting chemistry, and how it can blow up in your face if done poorly. Enjoy!

Negging women philosophy #1 Be the doctor. As you’re talking to a girl, imagine you’re the doctor and she’s your patient. Rather than being in her company to please her, you observantly assess and diagnose whether she’s healthy and note her quirks. This is a great mindset if you normally tend to be very agreeable.

This pulls you out of the people-pleasing frame, into one where you actually “see” the girl, including her flaws and contradictions. A great way to balance out agreeableness with discernment. You want the best girl for you, not just any girl. [Read: 35 really important questions to ask a girl you just met]

Negging women philosophy #2 Unleash the beast. Lots of guys these days want to be women—to be as agreeable and similar as possible to their partner. But there’s a reason for gender distinctions! She doesn’t want you to be a woman, otherwise she would be dating a woman. So, own your masculinity and be a little cocky at times.

Get out of the mental manipulation mindset. Instead use a negging as a way of showing the girl your more animal alpha side—the one without a mask. Show her you’re not here just for her enjoyment, but that you’re an independent person with boundaries, standards, and opinions.

Negging can be an expression of the animal side of you. You sometimes actually do find things about any girl to be annoying, kooky, or goofy, and you naturally disagree with what she says at times. The key here’s just to be honest: unfiltered, transparent, blunt. [Read: Feminine guys – 50 feminine traits that make you less than manly]

Negging women philosophy #3 Neg via text but put an x 🙂 after. Okay now I’m giving away keys to the kingdom. This one shouldn’t work as well as it does… but it does. I won’t say just how FAR you can go with it, but it gets pretty extreme.

Put an x 🙂 after a text neg, so that she knows you’re having fun, rather than trying to score points by offending her. Again, it’s letting her feel some of your inner beast–that you’re not someone who can be easily controlled, or just here to say the right things.

Negging examples:

Only two! *Invent your own. The point isn’t to replicate these line for line!*

-You remind me of the potato I had for lunch x 🙂 *This one only really works if she’s hot and clearly confident in her level of attractiveness*

-Are you sure you went to school? x 🙂 *Perhaps she’s sending you uncreative lazy text replies* [Read: How to tease a girl over text – Get her to flirt back with you]

Negging women philosophy #4 Apologize, then neg her again. The beast can’t be fully civilized. Sometimes a girl responds and like your negs but suddenly reacts poorly to one. Perhaps that neg went a bit too far, or she suddenly became aware that you were doing it and wants to make a point. In this case, apologize sincerely and briefly.

Move on by changing the conversation, but later do it again. This is even better if you have a wry grin. A common reaction might be that she punches you, giving you the “OMG, I’m outraged” expression, which means she’s enjoying it, even though she’s shocked that you persisted.

Negging women philosophy #5 Be brief. In the words of Shakespeare, who was a master at the trickster or jester archetype, “brevity is the soul of wit.” So, don’t overdo a neg; less is more. Think of negging women as a single note amidst a large symphony of overtures.

Focusing too much on one note ruins the overall flow of an interaction. In other words, don’t rely on negging, just have it as one of the many tools you have in your arsenal. [Read: Shakespeare love quotes – 40 wise words from the bard]

Negging women philosophy #6 Don’t wait for a reaction. Ever been out with a group of friends, but there’s this one person in the group who seems to be trying too hard to get a laugh?

He says something, and then looks around, in the hopes that he gets a good reaction. He’s totally self-conscious and not just engaging in banter for the fun of the group. It’s about him. This is a bad way to approach negging.

Focus on your own self-expression and what you create together. After you make a negging statement don’t wait for her reaction. Continue as normal and let the flow of conversation continue as if it never happened. [Read: How to be funny and make people love your company]

Negging women philosophy #7 Notice her reactions. Some girls get too many compliments and cease to notice them. Or this could be the case for a bunch of other psychological reasons, such as father issues.

My general philosophy is to accept the person for who they are, rather than trying to change them. Working with their quirks in a way that makes communication an experience rather than a formality.

Negging reaction examples:

Some negging reaction examples and what they mean:

-If she laughs outrageously when you neg her, this means she’s emotionally receptive. Crank it up and throw in more similar neg spikes but don’t overdo it, as it becomes predictable. Look for the genuine things that are quirky about her.

-If she gets emotional in a less positive way this means she’s affected. You can still possibly use negs, but use them more sporadically and make sure you have a smile in your eyes and that you’re having fun. When you go too far, say sorry and move on to another topic.

-If she stays neutral, you may have a girl with a very balanced personality, so much less in the way of negs works out as more. [Read: 15 things you must know dating a girl with daddy issues]

Negging women philosophy #8 ALWAYS HAVE FUN… Or don’t do it. This one is so important I had to capitalize it. Generally, a bit of playful ‘push, pull’ is a great way to keep any relationship healthy. If you always agree, chances are you don’t have a healthy relationship because you’re not being honest with one another.

But if you neg women to make yourself feel good by making her feel bad, it comes across as resentful, bitter, needy, manipulative, or whatever. Think of neg game more like bantering with a friend, for the fun of both. [Read: How to flirt with girls – 15 secrets to make any girl fall for you]

Negging women philosophy #9 Reframe her frame. Whoever holds the frame holds the authority…

Negging examples:

Say you’re at a restaurant with a girl and you’re chowing down on some food:

Her to you: “You’re a slob.”

You to her: “We are all slobs by comparison, your Grace.” Give a curt bow. As the server approaches, “Please, could I order something for the Princess.”

The key—silly, self-amused, and not reactive. If you find it funny, then it’s good. [Read: 12 types of humor and how it affects relationships]

Negging women philosophy #10 Mix it up. Think of negs as spikes in an otherwise sunny afternoon. If the whole day was filled with spikes it would be awful. However, a little bit of pepper and salt spices up a good cut of steak.

Negging Philosophy #11 The take away. Imagine you shower a girl with engaged conversation and attention. Suddenly she stops making an effort to continue the conversation or seems distracted. In this situation, you could just work harder. But a neg in the form of a ‘take away’ means you take away from her certainty that you’re into her no matter what she does.

Negging examples:

-Start looking around, focusing elsewhere, when she becomes too comfortable. This is a good way of making her less certain of how much she’s won over your attention.

-If she’s attractive or super-hot, agree with her when she tells you about some physical feature she’s insecure about. She’s probably already waiting for you to say, “No, no, no! Are you crazy? You’re stunning!”

-Pull away after showing her lots of attention and engaged conversation, so that she misses it. She’ll work to get back into your good books. [Read: Attraction theory: What makes you desirable in someone’s eyes?]

Negging Philosophy #12 Be willing to fail. When you learn new forms of communication there’s an element of experimentation. So treat every conversation as an information-gathering exercise and practice, rather than a high-stake, win-lose situation. If your approach isn’t effective overall you can still gain lots of experience.

[Read: Fractionation seduction – How men seduce women using emotions]

It’s easy to be agreeable but it’s not exciting… Show her you’ve got some Beast in you and that you’re on her level, by undermining her efforts to place you in a box with some negging. She’ll love you for your fearlessness.

The post Negging Game: The Philosophy of Negging and How to Use It Right is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

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just-another-obsessed-fangirl · 7 years

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personal vent post, content may have possibility of being triggering, kind of dark, ask to tag if needed, press “j” to skip, do not reblog, not a true reflection of me but what i think during these times

im not used to dealing with anger. im used to feeling sadness, anxiety, depression, guilt, disappointment, and a lot of other negative emotions but anger is the one emotion i try to avoid. i mean i still don’t really cope with any of those feelings well but at least im able to distract myself from those relatively easier than how im dealing with anger. i hated when people were angry, not even if they were angry at me, but i would still feel the effects of it. and i was always afraid that if i was angry that i was being irrational or that i was in the wrong and the other person are actually right to be wrong. but even when i know i have a right to be angry i would still swallow it down because i wanted peace more than conflict. i never wanted anybody else to feel the horrible stuff that i always feel. but the past few weeks, all ive felt is anger and i want people to hurt like i do. petty, i know. it started when my then friend a few weeks ago made a joke about people who did not identify as the gender they were assigned at birth and simply doing it to feel special and for attention. this wasn’t the first time he had said stuff like that. i told him to stop saying that shit hundreds of times since 6th grade like joking about triggers and other things but he would still do it again, even in the same conversation. but i would swallow it down again and try to explain again and he continues to do so, even trying to justify it, multiple times with the phrase “well, fuck that” in response to why those words may be hurtful. he would even do it because he thought my anger was funny and wanted to see my reaction. and this asshole has seen me cry and have panic attacks before and he still thought that my pain was entertainment. but a few weeks ago i was in a state of paranoia that had gone on for a few weeks and that just proved what i was worrying about at the time and that’s that all my friends hated me and only act like my friends because i’m easy to have break downs and cry at even the smallest inconvenience. and the parts of me still want to forgive him but i cant bring myself to. i want him to hurt. i want my isolation to wear away at him. i want him to suffer even harder than i have suffered from him since the first grade. after that incident, i didn’t speak to anybody for almost 3 days. i didn’t eat for 2 and my mom had to force me to eat for two weeks. my paranoia got worse. i want him to feel the pain of not trusting anything he felt, anything he heard, anybody ever tried to say to him, any interaction he ever had with anybody. i want him to constantly analyze every small action anybody ever had in response to him or while talking to him and always concluding that everybody hates him with all their being and wish that he was dead and that once he’s dead everybody would be happy and partying and forget his name after a week and that he ever existed. i want him to feel the hell that i have been going through because of him. i always wanted to be the bigger person and to avoid making people feel the horrible anxiety and thoughts that ive felt all my life, but now im selfish and cruel and bitter that it’s never helped me and that other people don’t even try to acknowledge what ive gone through or consider my position of the argument because people are so set on being right and so sure and i hate how nobody else seems to second or third or eighty seventh guess themselves and they are happily ignorant and will gloat just because i was the one who wanted to keep the peace and avoid feeling hurt myself. i would argue about factual things and give solid concrete proof they would call me the asshole because i proved it. i know this stuff might not sound like it’s making sense but im just so angry that it’s 5 am right now and maybe saying anything will get me to sleep again.

ive started arguing my cases now and still nobody gives a shit and just want to fucking test me. ive told multiple boys in my pe class over the past few days to stop saying “triggered” and although loudly, i would explain to them why it’s shitty, especially to me. but again, they’ll still say it, and they say it even more now. they’ll come up to me and say it. they saw my anger as funny, as entertainment, like the last guy. one kid asked me if i knew the name of some famous instagram account and i said no what is it and he replied that it’s called “triggered”. i broke down crying in the middle of the fucking field. i know it seems like an extreme reaction but i have constantly told these little assholes not to say it and my trauma was trivialized to a fucking joke. i knew i meant little to people but these past few weeks im hit with even more evidence that my only purpose for everyone was entertainment brought on by my pain and what im rightfully angry for. and i know im being selfish and self important and self centered but ive tried so hard not to be my entire life for the sake of other people and also for me and the best i ever was to people were forgettable and nobody gave a shit about me or anyone else and they either saw me as annoying or saw my negative emotions and reactions as entertainment. but neither my sadness or hateful had caused anybody to realize their errors. i hope im not implying that im perfect and dont have real flaws but being angry has turned me into someone bitter and petty. i want my sadness and anger to become bullets and to painfully make holes in everyone who made them. i want them to feel pain over mine. i want them to hurt and bleed like ive done. logic or reason or human rights does not make them think, but so it seems no amount of emotion or proof make them either. they should at least hurt. kindness has only seemed to kill me. im used to tearing off pieces of myself so people could stay whole but i cant seem to tear off anymore. i know this sounds like im just being some edgy teen or that i just want attention but im sorry i just wanted to get something off my chest without having the therapist or my school counselor needing to call my parents or a psych ward.

#personal #1r3hqf2hwrnv3i48tughqvenoaslm;zf'ethg #do not reblog #ij wijegnorleictgruehjnordlvfkdfowesurd3wp;#scergu et98340u w3pqrkq

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brianwhitedarkdaily-blog · 7 years

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Looking Too Far Ahead

Planning, Projecting and Spartan Racing

I have this problem where I start to create a plan, I think about the activities I need to execute on that plan and then I start to go past those first few steps thinking about how I’d change the plan if x or y occurred. This is where the problem begins. I start to project outcomes. For some people this may not be that big of a deal. In fact, I’ve heard motivational speakers talk about the benefits of projecting positive outcomes. You know what my problem is? I only project bad outcomes, I’m a pessimist. I’m more likely to project my way out of doing something, than doing it.

My awareness of this mental habit has forced me to pay more attention to how and when it gets deployed. I have learned that my most frequent use of negative projection occurs when I look too far ahead. If I’m planning step 5 and I haven’t event taken step 1. Bad! As soon as I get into thinking about action item 3, I’m projecting and it only gets worse from there. I have a goal. Great. It’s long term, fine. Maybe it’s something I believe I’ll have to do for a lifetime, awesome! But the real question is, what do I need to do today to get there? What is step one and what may step 2 look like or how do I prepare for it. Good enough. Once I go beyond that, the darkness starts. It is one thing to realize this, it’s quite another to really accept it and do something about it. That is where Spartan racing comes in.

For those of you who are unfamiliar, a Spartan Race is an obstacle course running race up and down mountains over mud, rock, etc. with a bunch of brutal obstacles along the way to add to the fun. There are 3 course lengths Sprint (3+ miles, 20+ obstacles), Super (8+ miles, 25+ obstacles) and Beast (12+ miles, 30+ obstacles). I have run both the Sprint and the Super. My anecdotal story occurs at a Super in Pennsylvania in July.

It was over 100 degrees and humid on this particular day. I am no athlete by any stretch of the imagination, however, I have never allowed myself to believe I would not complete something I started. If I showed up at the starting line, in my head, there was no way I was not making it to the finish line -- until that day.

I had been running for a while and completed some obstacles and had lost count of mileage and the number of obstacles. I was hot and tired but I was moving. Then at one of the water stations I was congratulated for making the 3 mile mark. 3 Miles! My mind shouted. 3 f'in miles? I felt destroyed mentally, and physically. I had anticipated another 2 miles max and all of a sudden I had been told I hadn’t even made the half way mark. Thoughts of failure began to creep in. I can’t do 5 more miles. My mind starting cataloging what hurt, I could feel the pain in my legs, my lungs cramped when I took a breath, I felt slightly nauseous and a little dizzy. It was hot and getting hotter. I then started to project the miles in front of me knowing that some of the harder obstacles still lay ahead. Again, I took inventory, I had not yet completed the bucket brigade (where you carry a bucket filled with rocks up and down a hill) or the log carry, or the rope climb, etc., all of which were taxing. I couldn’t do this. For a moment, I didn't know what to do, I just found myself continuing by following the trail but the thoughts about what was ahead had me stumbling. I should just stop now. There was no way I was going to make it.

Then I hit what I’ll refer to as, “The Hill”. It was steep, rocky, slick. My foot kept sliding, which added to the pain of physical exhaustion by adding the mental component of frustration. It seemed I had to take three steps to advance because my feet kept sliding backwards. It was so steep that I did not even have to fully extend my arms to touch the dirt in front of me. I would take a step and look up. Up. Up. There was no end in sight. I stopped I couldn’t do this anymore. I was beaten.

Thankfully, there is a part of my mind that had remained silent till then which does not like the word failure. I call it my internal Ass Kicker. Beaten, Quitting, Giving In or Giving Up are words and phrases the Ass Kicker doesn't like and it woke right up and smacked me in the face.

Shut the fuck up! Put one foot in front of the other. Stare down at your fucking feet and don’t look up till you get to the top you whinny, sniveling little baby. This sounds funny in hindsight but at the time I did feel like a petulant child that needed to be prodded into activity and I was mad at myself for even getting to the point where the Ass Kicker had to step in. But I moved. I didn’t look up. I only looked at my feet and a mantra began. Left foot, push, right foot, push. Again.

I won’t say that the time passed quickly but I never doubted that I could take at least one more step. If I told myself that I had to do 1,000 of those steps I never would have made it. But I did. I made it to the top of, “The Hill”. My mind was instantly changed, my focus was deeper. I stopped looking at the mile markers. I didn’t pay attention to the talk of the other runners regarding what time it was or how many miles were left. I simply did what had to be done at that moment. When I looked ahead it was only to prepare myself for the immediacy of a situation, to orient myself or change directions. I did not look beyond the immediate because I had realized that those things were inconsequential in the now. I finished.

I participate in Spartan races because I enjoy them but I will be honest, I did not enjoy that race. I survived it. However, I walked away with a valuable lesson. My body was not beaten that day. My mind was. I had allowed my projection to tell me something was not possible because when I looked up at, “The Hill” it seemed too daunting. And what was worse, my body had listened and for a moment every part of me had agreed, telling me, “This is not possible.” But when I changed my perspective, I found that to be a lie. It was a valuable lesson.

What is my point in telling this story? One, I wanted to show that revelation can happen at any time if we are open to it. I was not open to it at first but once I became so beaten down that my mind was forced to look for an alternative I was able to hear, The Voice. That voice was most likely whispering to me when I first began to believe finishing was impossible at the water station but began screaming at me to listen when I reached “The Hill”.

Two, revelation does not always come easy or is it always pleasant. Like I said, I survived but I’d do it again because I walked away with a valuable life lesson. I have not been able to stop projecting negative thoughts or started projecting positivity. That capability may be a few steps away for me. When I became aware of how my mind behaved in reaction to these situations I had to change how I planned. I needed to have a goal and take action. The only way for me to stop projecting the negative was to stop planning too far in advance. When I looked up the mountain I became disheartened, I was focused on something too far ahead and it made the goal seem unattainable. Then my mind tried to convince me that I should quit or should not even start. But when I just took the next step, I trudged towards my goal.

Lastly, I learned that I just need to say yes to life. I just need to do the next right thing. I need to put one foot in front of the other. This mantra is what got me to start writing one page a day. Don’t project the novel, the 150 pages ahead, just write one page a day, no excuses. I needed to stop finding reasons to say no and just say yes and move forward.

Today my planning sees the curve ahead so that I can slow down to take the turn, it doesn’t project what might be beyond the curve. I’ll have to react to that once I’m on the other side. Some day in the future maybe I’ll become an optimist but for today, it is what it is, and part of my acceptance of this is finding ways to deal with it.

How has this impacted my writing? Writing is a testing ground for my ideas. It is my therapy, my active mediation, my connection with the creative, and it allows me to talk to parts of myself which seem inaccessible by other means. For those of you who have read other posts you have heard me state that the last two novels I wrote were completed after I had made a promise to myself, Write one page every single day. No excuses, one page a day. That began soon after this race. Before that I had to do these marathon writing sessions. I believed I had to have ten pages or a chapter or an entire novel plotted out in my head before I'd sit down to write and it wasn't working. If I sat down and things didn't go the way I thought they should (because I was projecting which then led to expectations, which then led to resentments because my expectations were not being met) I’d just stop writing. All of which would ultimately lead to me not writing at all. I found that once I started writing one page the story became so much more dynamic. I had to write one page a day so I might as well see where it led. I was much more open to those voices in my head, the muses and demons that had something they needed to say and suddenly I was simply chronicling what I was shown instead of constantly trying to force the direction of the character or the narrative which always seemed to happen when I looked too far ahead and had a destination in mind.

To prepare to write a scene I may view the curve ahead but if a tree has fallen across the road and is blocking my path, I am willing to divert into the woods to see where that leads. Previously I would have pulled out one of a thousand different tools I had packed for the journey and cut the tree with a chain saw so that I could continue down the road. Even if it didn't make sense to the plot or characters, I had to stay on the road because that is what I had projected. I found that the woods offered far more promising and dark possibilities.

I thought back to all the pages and pages I had written, hundreds of thousands that had gone nowhere for one reason or another. I began to wonder if they had been discarded simply because I didn't give them enough air to breathe. If I had been too controlling. If I had simply looked too far ahead and found the goal unattainable. Maybe. When I have time I plan to break out some of those stories and see if there is life in them that I may have dampened with my projections and pessimism.

Regardless, I'm going to try to continue in this fashion, saying yes to life, putting one foot in front of the other and worry about what's around the next bend when I get there, one page and one step at a time.

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marilyngogosworld · 7 years

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So before I start, I have one question that I am asking everyone. Please just say the answer to yourself and keep it in the back of your mind for now. I'll bring it back into play after I tell my story. Have you always felt like you are different than everyone else? You can't really explain how or why. I'm not asking if you were popular or not. You could be sitting in a room of hundreds of your close friends and family. Yet you have always felt like you are different. If you answered yes… Then I have a message for you. What if I told you that I could explain exactly why you have always felt that way. But first in order to understand my theory, I feel you must know some of my story. Before I left Arizona to start traveling I read this book , it changed my life. The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer. This book talks about only accepting positive energy, never negative. Yes you'll experience negative things in life. But you once experience it you are then capable of letting the energy of that experience go. That's it. No harboring that energy signature. You can't change what has happened. So why are you worrying about it so much? Let it go. The book then goes on about numerous other things that help you and your soul. But the thing that changed my life is when it talks about your “2nd Brain” that voice in your head that is non stop, that over thinks everything, that keeps you up and night and literally almost always winds up being negative. The book then guides through a meditation and if it’s done with your whole intention of success it will teach you to shut that “2nd Brain” up. To where you no longer have that voice constantly whirling through your mind at all times. Not one bit. Because let's face it...that voice isn't reality. What is reality then? It is right here and right now. This present moment. Wherever you are, with the people that are around you and the things in your immediate environment. That is the only reality that you can change. Not the reality of tomorrow. Nor the reality of yesterday. So please tell me why are you even wasting your energy on those thoughts of tomorrow and yesterday? Why in Gods name are you even thinking about it? I did that meditation and I no longer have that voice. It's so freeing and peaceful.Once I was able to hush that constant noise I started to notice something different, a sort of 6th sense so to speak . I start feeling , yes feeling, these colors … At first that was the best way to describe it . I was working in a club in Tulsa Oklahoma, and it was a rather small club , where I first noticed this . And I was sitting next to a customer , and kept feeling ORANGE,BLUE,ORANGE,BLUE,ORANGE, BLUE. That feeling was so strong that It was completely overtaking my mind and it was as if his conversation with me was in the background . So after having a mini internal freak out , I realized it was his energy his Aura that I was feeling . So I got out my phone and trusty old Google.com and looked up the color of people's auras. Handed this customer the phone and asked him to read those two colors, and let me know if that describes him. Well it was spot on ., and since then I have been spot on 99.9% of every time I read someone . I can feel the color of people's auras . I had a gift , thats what I like to call it at least. A gift that I was able to hone in on and push its boundaries, the strength of my mental capacity , the ability to make it stronger, and more able to control. I became capable of being in control of my energy to the point of it affecting others if I wanted it to . So fast forward to this year , Feb 2016 . Im sitting in my favorite dive bar in Tulsa, Oklahoma once again, writing on my blog like I always do, When a middle aged gentleman comes into the bar and go and gives everyone a hug, I had no idea who this was mind you . Then he proceeds to sit across the bar from me , looks up at me and asks “ What are you doing? Writing in your diary ?” with a smug grin on the scruffy face of his Me- “ NOOoooooo, Well actually ya kinda , it's my blog , which is a story about my life … So yes , yes I guess I am writing in my diary .” Him - “ Well I have a story for you .” Said very matter of factly Me- “Oh really ?? Do tell “ and i cross my arms in front of me . “ In due time , in due time “ he said I shrug my shoulders and go back to my writing . Well a couple hours pass and the gentleman's friends that came with him finally left . And he then came and sat right next to me . He leans back, looks at my wings I have tattooed on my back and says …. “Angel wings huh?? ….. Very fitting . “ I shrug off the comment , I knew they weren't angel wings , they had their own meaning , and I knew that . And that's when things got a bit intense , and my whole direction in life changed . He then looked me straight in the eyes , a little too close for comfort in fact and said “ You have no idea how powerful you are do you ?” Instantly the hairs on the back of my neck stood at attention , a mental warning to myself , because I hadn't had told hardly anyone about my gift. How did he know ? My feelers went out and I began reading him , he wasn't evil , or even negative at all , it was a different energy and color but it wasn't bad by any means . Now intrigued with this creature , I came back to reality , and he then made another statement , just as intense as the first. “ You have no idea WHO you are , now do you ? Knee jerk reaction stick out my hand to shake his and with a shitty grin and a higher pitched voice that usual said “Yes I do my name is Alina Gifford “ being the smart ass that I can be . He rolled his eyes while grumbling out a very funny . He then proceeded to write down this name on a piece of paper and scooted it over to me, telling me to look this up . And what popped up on the screen was a picture of an archangel , Metatron . Now if you have never heard of metatron , I suggest you look into it . And all the other archangels in fact. You'll understand why here in a minute . So Metatron is an arch angel sent down here to meet like minded people tell them, who they are , their purpose , and then to write the truth about it . That last part is what really caught my attention - Write the truth about it - Well I AM a writer, and every single one of my stories are 100% the truth besides the names of the people involved . Being so confused and not really wanting to connect the dots with this archangel and I .. I played dumb and stuttered out “ So what is this ? …. This is me ? This is my arch angel? I don't get it “ “This is your archangel yes , but he is guiding you with his purpose as well , that is why you are here , this is your divine path. I know you have unique capabilities , as do I , Mine is more of a messenger type path , that's why I am here tonight . I knew that I needed to go out tonight to find someone , I didn't know who until I saw you. This is what you must do, you have to to find the ones that have a gift like you and I and tell them. “ ME . - I can't do that people are going to think that I'm crazy, telling them they have a gift?! Him - “You can, and you will. That is the only way that they will know answer to tap into their gift you must tell them because the ones that have a gift are the ones that are meant to stay and populate this earth. You must find them , and tell them because bad things are going to happen very soon and we need everyone that has these special abilities to be ready. Because there is going to be death all around us , chaos , and mass destruction.” He told me that the people I would meet wouldnt be the ones that just had an easy life , that had everything handed to them . They would be the ones that had lived a harder life, that had been knocked down so many times, but always got their butts back up and made it work. He said that “We” did that so that the ones with a gift would have empathy for others when times got hard , and would help up their brothers and sisters even if they were that homeless person on the street, They would know that they had a good soul and needed to be here in the world. The messenger also said that know that I know my gift that the gifted ones would basically FLOCK to me . They would feel drawn to me , almost as if they had to meet me , and once meeting me would feeling completely comfortable telling me things they never tell even their closest of friends. He went on to explain a bit more and with his every word I could feel that it all was the truth. Not once did I even question it . My soul knew that it was the truth. I’m sure that you all are either intrigued because this hits home , or you think I’m bat shit crazy. Some of you might already know what Im talking about , some might not , but just know this , if You answered the question I asked above with a YES , then you have a gift , and this gift will eventually make itself known. If you train your mind to quiet that 2nd brain, the overthinking , the racing thoughts , the often negative thoughts that pull you from living in the now . That is when your gift will be able to come out and be noticed . Because its not being clouded by those constant clouding thoughts . Now each one of you will have a different gift and your own perception of it is unique. I have started to categorize these gifts yet not one individual will necessarily be like another. There are: Protectors - the ones that have an innate ability to walk into a room and see what is going to happen before it happens and instinctively protect. Healers, Seerers, Master Communicators, Nurturers, Warriors, Lightworkers, as well as a few more. I know you all are questioning this whole theory, some with intrigue and some with doubt. That's what I want you to do. I want you to question your very existence. Your reason for being here on Earth. So that you can begin to expand your mind. I will give you a very simple way to know if the information you research is true or a falsity .Now I employ you all to do some research of your own , and the way you know the truth , although not the easiest pill to swallow and your mind might try to sway you to the logical explanation . But if you feel a tightness in your chest , and anxiousness when pondering this topic then that's obviously not the right answer or the right way , now if you feel at peace , and calm , that is the truth. Your soul knows where it needs to go. And since that night, with so much information to process , I began on my divine path . Meeting all kinds of people , being open to everyone and their energy. Going on these adventures that I never thought I'd ever experience, especially because they were spiritually driven . And meeting so many people with these amazing gifts. With all of them having a common denominator of feeling like they don't fit in , that there is and has always been something more to life . I finally came up with a name for all of as well , we are the misfits of society . And I am so excited to meet more of you , to come find you, and help you understand and fill that void that you feel, fill it with your true purpose to be on this earth my misfits and I grow stronger and more knowledgeable as we enlighten our minds with the truths of this amazing universe and what it has in store for us .

#march #2017 #March. 2017 #Chrono #quotes

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