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steddieas-shegoes · 8 months

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"Where did we put the freaking bag?!"

DM request from @lillemilly: "Where did we put the freaking bag?!" Can't remember if you've written ftm pregnancy Steddie before. But i have a mini promt of either Eddie or Steve freaking out because they can't find the hospital bag when its time to go. I keep joking about forgetting my own bag (do date saturday) 😅 I promise you even if you do forget your bag, there is nothing in it that you can't send someone to go back for or that can't be bought in an emergency at the hospital! Also, I literally (and I am not recommending this at all it's just a funny lil story) packed as I was having contractions at 5:40 in the morning on the day Liam was born. My mom came into my room and asked what I was doing and I said, "just like, things, ya know?"

-------------------------------------

"This is terrible and I hate you and I hate this and I never want to do this again. You have the babies."

Steve was in pain.

Everyone told him labor usually started slow, there was plenty of time to get to the hospital before the pain got unbearable.

Everyone fucking lied.

He'd woken up from a dead sleep to a wet bed. Eddie, of course, slept through his water breaking and the immediate panic that he was still not due for two weeks coming over him.

But only until Steve woke him up by slapping him multiple times on his arm and yelling that they had to go.

Eddie was currently trying to remember how to function as a human being while Steve was breathing through another contraction, the pain piercing and getting worse every single time.

"This isn't normal is it? Like, this should be slower?" Eddie was asking as he tried to lace up his boots, grunting when he had to start over.

"I don't know, maybe I'm just lucky," Steve gritted through his teeth.

"Okay. The bag. Need the bag." Eddie stood and turned around in a circle. Turned again. "Where is the bag?"

Steve was going to kill him.

He was going to have to be a single father because Eddie was an idiot.

That must have been written all over his face because Eddie suddenly clapped and started running out of the room.

Steve pulled his jacket on, already mentally preparing for the next contraction, certain that if they didn't get to the hospital within the next 30 minutes, he would be having this baby in their bed.

"Where did we put the freaking bag?!" Eddie yelled from another room, possibly the bathroom.

"Please, my sweet angel, please do not have your dad's forgetfulness," Steve sighed, hand on his stomach. "Is it in the living room?" He yelled out.

Eddie was quiet for a minute, then appeared in the doorway.

"Not there. Not anywhere. Do we even have a bag?" Eddie asked.

Steve blinked at him.

"I'm getting in the car. If you aren't there in five minutes with the bag, I'm driving myself to the hospital and you're not invited," Steve said as he slowly waddled out of the room.

"Oh!" Eddie yelled, brushing past Steve in the hallway and right out the door.

Steve just barely made it to the front door when another contraction hit.

"It's in here! I found it! See how prepared I was?" Eddie yelled from the car, proud smile on his face.

"So prepared," Steve snarked back.

Eddie helped him into the car and drove much faster than he should have to the hospital.

On the ride there, Eddie was holding Steve's hand, singing along to some music, and through the pain, and the frustration, and the fear, Steve smiled over at Eddie.

"I'm glad I'm doing this with you, Eds."

Eddie lifted his hand to his mouth, kissed the back of it, and smiled.

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #headcanon #drabbles #ftm steve harrington #pregnancy #labor

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nar-nia · 1 year

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the honeymoon

word count:1.5k

warnings: none

plot: you and heeseung enjoy your honeymoon.

~~~

"It's time to wake up, love." The soft voice woke you up from your slumber, feeling disoriented for a second before the loud noises around you brought you back to reality. You slowly opened your eyes, taking in your surroundings of the airplane you were currently in - and the sight of your boyfriend who was watching you with a big smile on his face. No- your husband.

"Hey," you mumbled, voice still groggy with sleep. "How much time do I have left?"

You stretched your tired limbs, letting your head fall onto Heeseungs shoulder almost right after, his hand running through your hair.

"I think 15 more minutes." Heeseung placed his head upon yours. "Are you excited already?"

"I am." You couldn't help but smile, your hand searching for his. "I can't believe we're having our honeymoon."

"It feels like so long ago since I was proposing."

You lifted your head to look at Heeseung. "I still remember it so clearly though. Especially how you just stared at me for 5 minutes until you could finally say something."

"I still remember how you were freaking out because you thought something was wrong."

"I was terrified!" you laughed. "I didn't know what was going on."

"I'm glad I could speak up eventually." Heeseung smiled. "And that you said yes, Mrs Lee."

You felt heat rush into your cheeks, quickly burying your head into your boyfriend's husband's neck before he could see.

"I think it will take a while to get used to that name."

~~~

Shortly after the plane finally landed, and after a quick stop at the baggage claim and visa checks you finally stepped outside of the building. The sun was shining down on you two, who were quickly getting rid of your jackets, and already made this vacation feel perfect.

"This is how I imagined Italy," Heeseung smiled, his hand held above his eyes. "Let's look for a taxi."

He took your hand into his, guiding you to a little taxi stand to discuss something with the driver. You only listened with half an ear, too focused on your surroundings instead. You couldn't see much yet except the huge buildings surrounding the airport, but you could swear they were already different from what you knew from home, just like the trees and flowers around you. You slowly started to relax more, your body changing from being nervous about the journey to feeling like you really were on vacation now. You felt Heeseung nudging you, grinning before he put your suitcases into the trunk of a taxi.

"Let me open the door for you," he smiled, rushing to get to the door before you.

You couldn't help but giggle, nodding as you entered the taxi. Heeseung followed you, taking your hand into his again as he sat down. Your head naturally found its way back on his shoulder, your eyes debating whether they should close for a bit again or look outside to watch the scenery. You decided on the latter, your eyes following green grass patches and trees or beautiful old houses whenever you entered a new town, but eventually your needs took over and you fell into another slumber.

The next time you woke up was not because of Heeseung, but because of the sounds of the sea that came through a slightly opened window. You moved closer towards the window, looking for a sight of the sea outside, when you heard Heeseung chuckle.

"Look into the other direction, love."

You did as he said, turning to the window on his side, and there you saw it. Specs of blue shining through the trees, the sun reflecting in it.

"It's so beautiful," you murmured, eyes shining along with the sea. "I love it."

"I love you," Heeseung replied, pressing a quick kiss onto your head before he slung his arm around your shoulder. "Thank you for coming here with me."

"It's our honeymoon." You almost sounded offended. "Of course I'm coming with you."

~~~

It didn't take much longer until you had finally reached your destination. You two had decided to rent a little apartment in the city, that was still just a few walking minutes away from the beach. It felt more private and secluded than a hotel, and both of you couldn't help but fall in love after you saw it.

"Wait!" Heeseungs voice made you turn around, looking at him questioningly. "Doesn't the groom usually carry the bride over the threshold or something?"

Oh. You couldn't stop a blush from spreading on your cheeks, now suddenly feeling shy. "I think so."

"Then let me do the honors please." Heeseung came closer, his hands placed on your back and behind your legs and lifted you up. "Mrs Lee."

"You really like the name, don't you," you smiled, pressing a quick kiss onto his lips. "I do too, Mr Lee."

Now it was Heeseungs turn to blush, a happy smile stuck on his face as he carefully carried you through the door. You didn't even care to look at the apartment first, your gaze stuck on his face instead. Ever since you had met him you were convinced he was the most beautiful person you had ever met, and after your wedding you only believed it more. You still saw him when you closed your eyes, the well-fitting suit, the broad smile on his face, the tears glistening in his eyes. You had both cried a lot during that day, both so overcome with happiness that the memory of it made you tear up again.

"Are you okay?" Heeseung had noticed, now looking at you with worry, but you just nodded.

"You make me so happy, Lee Heeseung." You pulled his face towards you, your lips connecting again in a need to show him just how much. "I love you."

"I love you too, Lee Y/n. So much." He spun you around so your legs were now wrapped around his waist, holding you closer to kiss you more. "I can't believe we're on our honeymoon now."

"Me too. I was waiting for so long and now we're finally here." You put a loose strand of Heeseungs hair behind his ear, your hand resting on his cheek. "I finally got to marry you."

Heeseung kissed you again, before he let you down to bring your suitcases inside. You took the time to look at the apartment in the meantime. It was small and cozy, but just the right size for the two of you. And as promised you could see the ocean from the big window in the living room. When you closed your eyes and focused you could even hear it.

"Do you want to go to the beach later?" you heard a voice behind you. Before you could turn around you felt a pair of hands on your hips, pulling you backwards until you felt Heeseungs lips on your neck.

"Do I have to decide between the beach and your kisses now?" You gave him a fake pout.

"Now," he grinned. "I will make sure to kiss you lots on the beach too."

"I'm so in love with you," you mumbled. "Let's get changed then and walk along the beach."

"Another kiss first please?" Heeseung grinned, claiming a few kisses before he let you walk to the bedroom to change into some lighter clothes.

~~~

The walk to the beach promenade was really just a few minutes and it didn't take long for you and Heeseung to walk along the beach, your hands intertwined with each other. You felt like you could burst with happiness again. This moment just felt too perfect - your husband next to you, holding you close, while you walked next to the calm water and watched the sun slowly set.

"I don't think I could feel happier than I do right now."

Heeseungs words made you turn around. His whole face seemed to be lit up with happiness, and you were sure that it was the same for you too.

"Did I mention that I love you already?"

Heeseung smirked, pulling you closer for the nth time today to kiss you again. Not that you complained. "I think you might have. But please tell me again."

You shook your hand, trying to hide your grin. "I love you."

"I love you too. You made me the happiest man alive, y/n." He looked at you, thinking about something. "If we wouldn't have just gotten married I would ask you to marry me right now."

Your eyes grew wide. "I'd say yes. I would marry you over and over again, without hesitation."

"It's the same for me. I can't imagine a life without you."

"You won't have to," you smiled, pulling him closer towards you. When you kissed him again, the sky tinted in red and yellow colors behind you, you were really convinced that this moment couldn't get anymore perfect.

~~~

for beloved anonie 💖 i hope you liked what i did with your request.

permanent taglist: @maeum-your @sunoona @hoonsmarsbar @soobin-chois @sjyuniverse @taekbokki

#heeseung #lee heeseung #enhypen #heeseung fanfic #heeseung fanfiction #heeseung oneshot #enhypen fanfic #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen oneshot #enha #enha fanfic #enha fanfiction #enha oneshot #enhypen x reader #heeseung x reader #lee heeseung x reader

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sawrinwrites · 2 months

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March Content Plans (Long Update)

As it is now the 25th here in frosty England, it has officially been 2 months since I published my first piece of fan fiction. In that time, I've released:

A one-shot containing my first ever attempt at both monster smut and an explicit F/F sex scene (which is currently my most popular work????)

A low angst (I know, I can't believe it either) romantic one-shot from the POV of a golden retriever

4 chapters of an emotionally intense story that is so far from my usual writing style I have to re-read earlier chapters to remind myself how to write it (a deliberate stylistic choice but boy, am I paying for it)

3 chapters of what was meant to be a fun side project and is quickly turning into something deep and dark and wonderful in its own right

All in all, that's 4 bodies of work spanning 57.7k words released over a period of 9 weeks (not including the 15-20k which got rewritten / replaced / outright cut). Which is, for me, insane. It's also a pace that I won't be able to maintain going forward, so for the sake of setting expectations (my own, more than anyone else's), here's the current plan for March:

The Monsters At My Side And In My Shadow Ch 1-3 update Given that this has gone from "werewolf smut hiding in a multi-chapter fic" to "multi-fic exploration of abuse with a healthy dollop of smut", I want to revise what's already been released to better align with what I have going forward. There won't be any plot / event changes, scenes that get altered will be getting either an expansion or a rewrite, depending on the work needed (which will include adding more smut-adjacent content because it's currently lacking and I want it to be better).

Untitled - An Ember POV Story to Celebrate 1yr Since The Bees Kissed (March 25th) @reeves3 put the idea in my head and now I have a collection of outlines covering various points in Yang and Blake's relationship all told from the perspective of the Best Girl. They won't come out in chronological order as I'm looking to line them up with various events, but the current plan is that March 25th will cover the introduction of a new member into the Xiao Long-Belladonna pack.

Additionally, I'd like to release the following chapters but I am forcing myself to accept that these will likely get bumped to April:

The Monsters At My Side And In My Shadow Ch 4

Shattered Divinity Ch 5

There's a few reasons for the (temporary) slowdown in content:

I am supposed to draft 1 - 3 OC novels this year (the mistake of mixing alcohol with an empty resolutions boards and the word "bet") and I need to dedicate more time than I have done to those projects to have any hope of doing that.

Rather than wait for the fan fic writer's curse to hit, I've gone and done it to myself by buying my first house. The offer got accepted yesterday, so now I have to deal with the joys of legal and financial paperwork. And start prepping for a move. And every other stressful time consuming thing that comes from this period. Don't get me wrong, I am fucking ecstatic, not least because it means me having an actual bedroom for the first time in almost 4 years, but the next steps are going to take a chunk out of my usual writing time.

@kaelidascope is about to drop a veritable feast of content. Look, I'm not subtle about how much I enjoy her work. She's my favourite fan fic writer. She's probably one of my favourite writers period on account of the emotional damage and veritable joy Mightnight Menagerie has brought me. And I'm not just saying this because she's been exceptionally complimentary of my own work (which, by the way, I am still freaking out over). She is one of the main reasons I started writing fan fiction. If it wasn't for the original Beestfic, I'd never have written The Hunt. Which means I'd never have had the concept ideas that initially led to starting The Monsters At My Side And In My Shadow, and without that fic, I wouldn't have had the 3 experimental scenes between Yang and her grimm which ended up inspiring the idea to write Best Laid Plans from Ember's POV. So I will be setting aside some time (translation: every waking moment I have during release weekend) to thoroughly immerse myself in the relaunch. Also there's two Menagerie chapters due and the previews are already threatening my analytics brain and unfortunately it takes time to launch that kind of assault on AO3's comment section.

So yeah. A few things going on in March. I'm gonna try and do this as a rolling monthly thing going forward in lieu of trying to have a timed release schedule. Hopefully the April one will be a bit lot shorter.

#content update #fuck this is long #march is gonna be a MONTH for me yall

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atqh16 · 8 months

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This is a sasunaru modern college au I’ve been working on for ages. But I’m currently stuck, so I'm gonna post an excerpt here for funsies. Enjoy!

“I am not jealous”, Sasuke snapped at Neji, who was lowering himself to the floor to get into position for his post-spar meditation.

“I didn’t say anything”, the Hyuga replied, crossing his legs and closing his eyes. You’d think the guy would prefer to do this particular task anywhere else but their university’s fitness centre, but apparently, he liked the challenge of having to block out environmental sounds. It does help that they picked the earliest time slot so there were only a handful of people in the gym either sparring, making use of the equipment, or in the boxing corner which is where Sakura would usually be in the afternoon, trying to drive the bags of their hooks after a stressful day of medical school.

Sasuke and Neji preferred to just spar on the mats that were usually occupied by the judo and aikido practitioners on weekend afternoons. Naruto would typically be joining them around this time. Taking Neji’s spot against Sasuke despite having already spent 30 minutes on the treadmill. But Naruto’s stamina had always been monstrous in its expanse.

Instead, for the 3rd day in a row, he was standing in the gymnastic area by the bars, watching in awe as Gaara Sabaku showed off another flip.

“Just call him over”, came the exasperated scolding from the Hyuga who still had his eyes closed.

Sasuke just let out a disgruntled ‘tch’.

“What is he doing here this early anyway?”, the Uchiha narrowed his eyes at the twirling redhead, “He always trains at noon with his brother. Is he even supposed to be here without his coach?”

Neji’s face scrunches up, and Sasuke can’t help but feel a little triumph at having gotten a reaction.

“He doesn’t need a spotter just to use the beams. He’s 21, not 11. Go call Naruto over because we have 40 minutes before Lee shows up”

It’s uncharacteristic of Sasuke to have a desire to pester someone till they indulged him, but he was particularly annoyed this week and was itching for a good fight, which Naruto usually delivered.

Sai called it sexual frustration and ‘advised’ him to get dicked down already.

If Sai wasn’t one of Naruto’s friends, Sasuke would have been more than happy to show him his gratitude for the ‘advice’.

To say that he was surprised to show up at Naruto’s apartment 5 months ago to see Sai, sitting cross-legged on the kitchen island grinning at him (If it could be called that) over a bowl of cereal, would have been an understatement. Sasuke had been very quick to ask his best friend for an explanation

“I thought you didn’t even like him?!” , he hissed.

“Initially!”, . Naruto sputtered half- heartedly.

“Then why has he set his easel with its half-finished art project on your balcony?”

“He said the fresh air helped his imagination”

“Naruto”

“Oh, the moving-in thing. Yeah, let me tell you about his shithead of a guardian Danzo….”

Sasuke has rarely ever actually met anyone with a childhood as abhorrent as Naruto’s but Sai gave him a run for his money.

“And that’s not even half the shit the bastard’s done. Sai’s trying to cut the dude out, but he froze all of the money in his account cause the control freak wouldn’t let him open one under his name even though Sai is already 20”

“Usuratonkachi, get to the point”

“Oh, right. He didn’t have any money, and he needed a place to stay….”

Sasuke massaged his eyebrows down to the bridge of his nose. “Are you going to pick up every stray you find, dobe?”

Their conversation is interrupted by a loud indignant yowl from Kurama who’d been lounging by the window listening to their argument. He gets up and gracefully weaves through the potted plants Naruto had arranged on the ledge, leaps onto the floor, and canters over to the blonde, meowing loudly like a whiny spoiled child.

It doesn’t help that Naruto immediately melts at the sight of him and picks the cat up to hold it lovingly to his chest. “He didn’t mean it, Kurama. You’re not a stray. You’re a powerful little beast aren’t you”

Seemingly appeased, the Maine Coon gives Sasuke one last scathing look before nuzzling further into Naruto’s arms, purring when Naruto gives him a distracted scratch under his jaw.

“I could help, and I did”, the blonde says in such a matter-of-fact manner that it made Sasuke feel ashamed that he ever asked.

He looks at the cat waving its tail as he nuzzled into Naruto and remembers the snarling dirty little creature it used to be 2 years ago.

He also thinks about the lonely little malnourished boy sitting alone in a crowded cafeteria with nothing to eat and he thinks about a refrigerator currently filled with home-cooked meals Naruto could now enjoy to his heart's content, knowing they were made by someone who cared about him.

He thinks about the bare, cold, tiny room of the second-floor apartment, that the blonde had lived in for the majority of his childhood, with its doors eternally locked by foster parents who couldn’t care less and he thinks about the pictures and paintings that currently hung all around the 21-year-old’s home with a front door that was always open to welcome anyone who crossed its path.

Sasuke is broken out of his memories by the sound of heavy sneakers squeaking from the friction against the gym floor.

“Hey! Sasuke! Sorry! I got distracted. Gaara was doing this cool move-“

“It's fine, dobe. Just get in position already.”

“Oh, Gaara said he wants to join us in the mornings from now on. Said the company was better. I think he just likes that there are fewer people”

“Wonderful”, Sasuke says through gritted teeth. He could practically feel Neji vibrating with barely held-back laughter behind him, “Just start already. We have 15 minutes till Lee gets here”

It's not that any of them disliked Lee. He was their friend, and he hung out with them often. But Lee was also the university’s star athlete, and being around while he was training was begging for a death wish via exhaustion through being roped into one of his intense workouts. The only person capable of managing Lee was coach Guy himself.

Naruto immediately sets himself into a solid stance, “HA! I’ll beat you in 10 minutes”

Sasuke couldn’t help the smile edging at the corner of his lips, “You can try idiot”

Reblog? Also tell me if you think I can post this as a oneshot

#sasunaru #sasuke uchiha #naruto uzumaki #neji hyuga #sai #sai naruto #Gaara sabaku #gaara of the sand #sabaku no gaara #mine #ficlet #Naruto #my writing

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jadeittic · 2 years

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Please, can you make a fake instagram with Alanis Guillen? harry x reader

if you like my work, you can visit my account and look at my stuff! :)

(i was blasting harrys house while doing this hehe)

harry styles x reader

fc: alanis guillen

harrystylesupdates

liked by ynfan68, ynxhazza, and 300,547 others

harrystylesupdates harrystyles posts a picture of yourinstagram, captioning 'Harry's House. May 20th." will she be in one of the song covers?

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ynloveshazza im gonna cry thats so sweet

harryfan8 imagine if she sings as the bg vocals i will literally SCREAM

ynfan78 IF SHE AND HARRY COLLABS IT WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME.

harryandyn just the thought of it is already making me excited SEJFSF

ynfan67 otp.

harryfan6 DAMN RIGHT YOU ARE

marvel

liked by ethanhawke, tchalamet, and 10,348,231 others

marvel Take a look at oscarisaac and ethanhawke at the finale episode of Moon Knight tonight.

view all 623,239 comments

harrystyles My Marvel bestfriends.

ynxhaz MARVEL BESTFRIEND

yourinstagram what about me?

harryfan90 CRYING. THROWING UP.

yourinstagram one of my favorite episodes to film with oscar!

harryfan72 what i would do to switch places with ethan

tomholland2013 i was amazed by this show! the chemistry between the cast was amazinggg

harrystyles

liked by yourinstagram, lilyrosedepp, and 8,237,153 others

harrystyles My little freak.

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harryfan56 WOAH WOAH WOAH HARRY HOLD ON BROTHER

yourinstagram i told you not to post it with that caption!!!! theyll find out sooner than later

harrystyles Well, they currently have no clue.

ynlovesstyles WHAT???? WHATS WITH MY LITTLE FREAK

stylesl/n i wish i had the brains to work this out goddamn

ynfan7 LORD THE RELEASE IS LESS THAN 2 HOURS AWAY PLEASE

tchalamet MY FAV OTP

zendaya DAMN RIGHT YOU ARE

florencepugh can i be in a room with your girlfriend alone with 5 minutes please

yourinstagram

liked by harrystyles, gemmastyles, and 6,348,129 others

yourinstagram here lies the lyrics that never made it in the album. harry's house out now.

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harryfan12 stop its so sad that matilda is about y/n's past back at her home. im so sorry for you darling.

harrystyles Thank you for being my inspiration, love.

yourinstagram 'LOVE'. IN TEARS ILY ILY ILY

ynhearteyesforharry CINEMA??? HELLO YALL????

harryfan59 I DID NOT EXPECT LITTLE FREAK TO DE DEPRESSING ALRIGHT. I WAS READY TO FUCKING GROOVE MY ASS OFF

gemmastyles so proud of the both of you!!

ynfan66 THE BG VOCALS I KNEW YN WAS GONNA SING

ynstyles I CAN BREATHE IM SO HYPED

harrystyles

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harrystyles To my greatest muse, I'll love you until a fake flower dies. Harry's House out now.

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yourinstagram i am screaming. i cant even physically type anymore. i love you, h. more than you ever know.

ynfan87 BRO THEYRE LITERALLY THE BEST COUPLE OUT HERE NO DOUBT

harrylovesyn THE- THE- THE FAKE FLOWER QUOTE IM COLLAPSING WHEN CAN I EXPERIENCE THIS

annetwist I'm so happy for both of you!

tchalamet pls pick her up shes literally in tears

marvel

liked by yourinstagram, oscarisaac, and 10,237,219 others

marvel The Scarlet Scarab.

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ynfan87 SO HOT I LOVE HER MOMMY??????????? SORRY

harrystyles Goddess.

harryandyn HES EVERYWHERE WHEN ITS YN GETTING POSTED

harryfan82 SUPPORTIVE AND PROUD BF THINGS >>>>

shipname i love her so much shes literally the person i wanna be when i grow up

zendaya favorite character no regrets

oscarisaac im afraid i have to agree

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rivnedell · 10 days

Text

Tolkien saved me

Just some thoughts I need to write down / Mental health issues mentioned

Not the usual tone of my blog but I just felt a urge to write, sorry

Parental death tw

I'm marked with parental alienation. I was 6 when my mom took us three, her, my sister and I far away to escape. She saved us. But I couldn't understand the bravery and the strength she needed to do that, taking us, a few clothes and driving as fast as she could while he was at work, 900km back to her parents and sisters. We lived a while with one of my aunts then my mom met step-dad. My Dad in heart actually. Fortunately it's a tremendously amazing and caring person, and he helped us to go through the hell.

I was asked to choose between my (bioligical) father and my mom, well my father asked me so. He manipulated me to choose him if I was asked by social workers who do I wanted to live with. He kept insulting my mom in front of me, degrading her, and mocking her when I was with him. Then I was menaced, insulted, degraded, violated, forced to feel guilty about about everything, being under massive and constant psychological control.

And I still feel like I betrayed my mom when I was 7.

The hell lasted until I was 17 and half. I stopped going at his, and I could finally breath, make my studies away and my life from him. In 2018, I was 21, I reconnected with him, I tried to put the negative aside, but it became impossible. It grew as 'it's him or me' and I chose myself, for survival again. It just lasted a year. And for 4 years before he died in nov 22 I could live far away from all of this, far from him, no contact and that felt like a relief.

In reality, I just put everything under the rug and locked it secured.

His death brought back everything, even stronger than it already was.

It felt weird, because I guess I still had a tiny hope that he would change at some point, and that I could someday, be ready to face him and to tell him how much he hurt me, how much he frightened me.

But that will never happen. And all the traumatic memories resurfaced like I was living them in my present. And it's hard. What do I do ? Put it under the rug again and try to survive like nothing ?

No, I don't feel I wanna do this anymore. I'm tired of struggling in the dark. I'm exhausted. Exhausted of being on a constant level of survival mode, while I don't need it.

All of this causes me to deal with CPTSD and its consequences. And it's tough to hang on.

I'm currently at a upper max level of procrastination where I am now feeling so numbed in and like a cocoon I am freaked out to leave. I'm freaked out to make actions, to make things happen.

Impostor syndrome, rejection fear, not feeling legit at anything in life, struggling with the simple will of existing. I do want not to stop existing, but I am afraid of fully existing, because of all the above wounds and fears.

But still, I'm avoiding life, while his death awaken in me the fear of not existing anymore.

Paradox.

And, almost, nothing is helping me hanging on, helping me wanting to bring myself back in life.

All my life I've been hanging tight on Tolkien's work and Peter Jackson's vision to abandon myself into this fantasy land that is Middle Earth, to escape reality. The reality at home that was made of mental insecurity, psychological violence, control and manipulation. In my childhood I used to imagine myself fighting with legolas with a bow and going home in Rivendell after chasing some orcs with Aragorn, meeting Gandalf and Galadriel occasionally. All those characters are so engraved in me and dear to my heart. All this imagination, this entire world, mythological world, and languages seized me when I was 5. And I never let go, and never will.

Middle Earth saved me and helped me wanting to stay alive in a time I was crushed by violence and psychological pressure and control.

But my child self is still rulling me, and I'm trrying to take my actual own conscious power back.

She (little me) used to be afraid, to be frightened, to be insulted, to be violated, to constantly be on survival mode. And she still is, rulling me according her methods for survival.

While.. I, the 26 woman I am now, does no longer need.

So it's a battle between me and me. Because I no longer need to protect myself from a menace that no longer exist, literally.

It's really hard to let go, I think it's the hardest thing I would have ever havr to do in my life. Just let it go and leave the past to the past.

I feel alone and lonely sometimes. Feeling like I would annoy everybody with my whining..

I'm just sharing this with hope that it could awake something in someone and.. Though I'm feeling alone, I don't want anyone to feel like I feel so, I'm saying this to you, you're not alone, we're together, we're fighting.

It's not you're fault.

And to be honest.. I'm not gonna lie, it feels good to write it down.

Thanks if you red til here ❤️

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x-i-l-verify · 3 months

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20 Questions For Writers

Was tagged by @kuraiarcoiris and decided why not. :V

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

35. I have more on other sites, but since I've made my AO3 account, that's how many I've posted there.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

656,547. Give or take a couple thousand.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently? Dream SMP. But I also have an Inscryption WIP and a couple Kpop WIPs that I really should get back to one of these days. orz But I've written for all sorts of fandoms over the years.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

5) Its Suffering Was Real [Inscryption]

This is the one that came as the biggest shock to me when I went and looked at my kudos count in preparation for this write-up. Like, really? People like the fic where I torture the sassy robot trapped in the body of a stoat for 7k words that much??

4) A Shoulder to Lean On [Avatar: The Last Airbender]

WHERE did all these people come from, I have like 6 comments on this thing (not counting my replies)??? I mean, I'm flattered, but ??!!?!

3) Accepting Amelioration [Voltron: Legendary Defender]

I mean, it's a Voltron fic posted back when the fandom was in full swing, it doesn't really surprise me the kudos counter is considerable, though I am still surprised it got that much traction considering the fic is gen and not shippy. Am still proud I made the first daemon AU in the entire fandom, though, if this is my claim to fame, then I'm ok with that. :p

2) Temporary Shelter [Astro / VIXX]

I seriously have no freaking clue how this little self indulgent Kpop crossover fic became so popular, I really don't. I mean, Kpop crossovers are niche at the best of times, and these two groups aren't exactly the most popular Kpop fandoms on AO3 if you know what I mean. It basically started as "wouldn't it be fun if my two favorite Kpop groups were secretly friends all this time? How would I have that happen, tho?" and then snowballed from there. I, uh. I'm glad so many other people like it, ig? 0_0

1) Paved with Pawprints [My Hero Academia]

Of course it's the MHA pet AU fic. Of course. OF COURSE-

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Absolutely. It's only fair I reply if someone takes the time to read on my work and actually give me feedback about it, wouldn't you say? Plus, like most authors, I enjoy talking about my own work, so sue me. >:p

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't usually do angsty endings; I prefer happy or at least bittersweet ones. I guess by default, it has to be the fic where I slowly killed off America and China from Axis Powers Hetalia for 13k words, while the rest of the cast had already been dead for centuries at that point. So yes, the entire cast of that series was dead by the end of that fic. :))) IN MY DEFENSE, ok, I was actually trying to give them a bittersweet ending by reuniting them with all of their old friends and family by finally letting them rest after so long alone, but it still turned out really sad. TT TT It's basically my only fic where I can't go back and reread it more than once every couple of years, because I still end up a sobbing mess by the end.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Well, I guess that's what you define "happiest" as. The most cathartic? The one with the least amount of trauma and extreme bodily injury incurred by the characters? 🤔 I guess by the latter definition, it would Kaleidoscopic Perceptions, a very fluffy USPH college AU that I actually enjoyed writing a lot despite me not usually enjoying romance or college AUs.

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

No, thankfully. I've gotten a couple kinda weird comments, and of course the obligatory "It's been X months since you updated were you aware?????" comments, but no outright negativity.

9. Do you write smut?

LMAO. Absolutely not.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Yes! I really love crossovers. I have a few common fallbacks that fit with a lot of fandoms (daemon AUs, Firefly AUs, etc.), but I also enjoy fandom-specific crossovers when I can figure out how to pull them off.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No idea. I hope not!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Just once for this Gravity Falls fic.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Yes. It had a few ups and downs, but it was overall a really positive experience, and I think it turned out really well!

14. What‘s your all-time favorite ship?

idk that I have an ALL TIME favorite ship, especially since I hardly ever ship anything, but Frobin is pretty choice, I gotta say.

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Er, none of them, hopefully? I hope that I eventually get to finish all my WIPs at some point, even if it might take me awhile. >.>; But I suppose if I had to pick ONE to abandon, I'd probably pick Written In, my D&D Inscryption crossover AU. I like the IDEA for it, but writing it out is like pulling teeth, and after the first installment where the party gets together, I don't really have a lot of ideas on where to take the plot. :/ Like I have the general overarching idea but no plot structure or anything but small disconnected story beats.

16. What’s your writing strengths?

I like to think I do a pretty good job with descriptions while not bogging the story down too much with too much detail?

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

Uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh, staying motivated ig. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ if you're asking my weakness about mechanics, though, uh... exposition, I guess? Dialogue in general, sometimes.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

If there is actual information included in the other language, then you better provide a translation. If it's just for flavor, though, have at it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

TMNT, specifically the 2003 show. It's never been posted anywhere on the internet and never will. :)

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Becoming Real, a Kpop fanfic based on VIXX's Voodoo Doll MV. However, it can easily stand on its own as its own original work. I consider it the most accessible story I've ever written, and it also was just very easy for me to write. Writing is often like pulling teeth for me, but not this story.

Tagging: @breezy-cheezy, @quicktothebatjalopy, @hiding-in-the-vault, @variablememory, @bleue-flora, @theriu

#tag meme #xi yammers #fanfic

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leefi · 7 months

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The Flower That Bloomed Nowhere Read-through | Part 2: Chapters 14-22

im curious as to whether references to things that are very modern to us (i.e. occam's razor, the glass ceiling, etc.) are just a function of storytelling to help us understand themes and symbolisms (as in, if characters only referenced things recent to their history we would never understand what was going on, because i presume this story is taking place billions upon trillions of years in the future). realistically, these humans should be more alien to us than familiar, even if they still look like us. OR i wonder if there was something that occurred in the previous universe relatively soon after our current history (let's say ~10k years from now). because even if our history is preserved, it should be overwritten by a sheer volume of information that would only make it relevant to historians who specifically study the period prior to us becoming a physics-wielding species. random med students wouldn't be making these references, even if they're prodigies.

Ok so There’s been at least one Great War/revolution. Maybe there was some catastrophic universe-spanning apocalypse. Maybe somewhere the old universe suddenly entered a state of false vacuum decay and humanity was far enough away from the point of origin that it had time to prepare and preserve or escape to a different plane. Even though this is billions of years in the future their technology might be rudimentary. Was all of history between then and now erased in between?

the reason i'm saying all this is that (i'm going to try to make my point again but briefer this time). sometimes feels like this is taking place 10000 years in the future instead of billions or trillions. what i'm wondering is if this is just a function of storytelling (references we understand are #crucial to delivering #themes and also way more fun to read). OR if we're dealing with a universe different than our own (not meant to model our timeline in the first place), OR if the apocalypse happened relatively "soon" after our current "history" today. does that make sense?

It's the 28th of April 1409, at 5:06, and 53 seconds. Satisfied? ⬇️ I feel like this is a surprise tool that will help us later

Oh okay I got to the section describing transpositioning and teleporting. They’re folding spacetime not atomizing. thank gawdddd The idea of getting vaporized when teleporting scares me soooo much. If we ever invented teleporting and it was like that I would be a staunch no-teleporter-EVER. No way in hell am I ship of theseusing myself and letting my little freak clones run around and kill themselves every time they want to travel. To be honest I already sometimes get metaphysically scared that any temporary loss of consciousness kills you as you exist. Like not to the level where if I sleep or go under I die and a new me takes my place (on a conscience level) every morning, but I’ve gotten close to that. You know. Like on a Kinsey scale of this I’m like a 4.5

Distinction treatment? Ooooh Do most babies look the same as babies? (like more than they already do) Are the lower echelons of this city (wealth inequality still exists but im guessing true poverty no longer does?) all people who look like siblings or twins? does future plastic surgery make you taller yet

I keep thinking like. “Who of the cast could possibly be the one getting murdered?” And part of me is hoping it’s utsushikome (not permanently obvies). Because I want this story to pull a new vegas. solving a friend’s or lover’s death is out. solving your own murder mystery has pastiche. it’s fun. it’s fueled by spite, not even necessarily a will to live. its fun vibes. Also a few of the order members have decided her grandpa had BAD VIBES. and they literallyyyy JFKed him. So. Um. Time to keep up the family tradition lesbian. get shot in the head

actually I’m still kind of hung up on that grandfather (sort of) thing from the first chapter. Maybe they’re genetically related but not granddaughter-grandfather in the traditional sense. Maybe the order is trying to wipe out a genetic line or inherent ability that su and granddad have, or permanently remove some knowledge/mission he was undertaking prior to the JFKing.

Also why did granddad get shot when he was on deaths door with dementia anyway? To make a statement? To make a point towards other members of the order? Did he commission it? “Would it be funny if I fucked up my granddaughter or what”

One should never underestimate the power of aesthetics, Su," Kamrusepa interjected. "Man is a creature that is incredibly responsive to his environment. Reinforce a story in the world that surrounds him, and he'll stay more focused on following the script. ⬇️ (15)This is the first time she’s said something that didn’t piss me off immediately

Using the epic of gilgamesh is interesting considering the story’s title. They’re looking for that flower under the sea that doesn’t actually exist, but that isn’t to say they can’t just create one, right? what am i saying

Soon, we came to the edge of the bioenclosure and spotted one of the tunnels that Linos had described, wrought out of stone and thick glass. The center of the passageway was sealed by a heavy, rectangular bronze wall, with a rounded doorway in the center. To the left, built into the wall, was a lever marked "RELEASE SEAL" in large, engraved lettering.

"Suppose it's pretty obvious what we're supposed to do here," Theodoros remarked. ⬇️ THATS THE INTERNAL DEPRESSURIZATION VALVE THEODOROS CHAN

Bardiya had always had the uncanny ability - or maybe it was a curse - of not seeming to respond to social divides at all in his interactions with others. Whether it was age, wealth, Party, sex or experience, he hopped right over that stuff like it was a puddle. Sometimes this worked in his favor, though it could also cause problems. The amount of occasions I could recall where he'd got on to the bad side of a prominent scholar or academy patron because he didn't 'show enough respect' was well into the double digits. Kamrusepa had impressed on us an unofficial command to keep him contained at any social functions that involved our class. ⬇️ On the contrary I would think? If I was a successful academic I’d find reactions like Kamurespa’s fawning overwhelming to constantly encounter. I’d much rather talk to people like Bardiya.

Ok re: the fight su has with her milfy mentor in the arboretum. the fact that if two people are connected by an open wound they register as one person and that this circumstantial can be used in an act of violence towards one another is maybe the hottest thing I’ve ever read. Who said that

Bardiya is the only bitch in this house that I like so far. I don't presently like Su but I get the feeling she'll quickly become my favorite character once I get more of her deal. I also enjoy Su’s milfy mentor (Neferuaten) too but something is sus about her. Why are you kissing a young woman you’ve tutored since young adulthood on the mouth. (Unless that’s a platonic gesture in this setting. In which case excuse my presumption.)

it was not a platonic gesture in this setting

"But Bardiya isn't some innocent party. He was a soldier, and he and his friends were shooting at the bloody grand alliance army. Frankly, they're lucky they even tried something non-fatal to begin with." ⬇️ God Kam fucking SUCKS

UTSUSHIKOME YOU FORGOT TO STOP BY THEODOROS CHAN’S ROOM AFTER THE DINNER!!!!! UTSUSHIKOMEEEEEEEEE

girl SUCKS at completing quests within the established scenario, ASKED TO LEAVE THE TIMELOOP

Raises my hand. I have a question. Is Su really Su. Getting a lot of body imposter vibes from these journal entries she's doing.

#tftbn #woof

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k-white · 2 years

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Ok considering quite a few people are doing it I wanna do a "currently watching", "rewatching", "anticipating the most" too so here it

Currently Watching (order is based on the number of episode i have watched) its gonna be mostly generic opinion not too spoilery cuz if I went in the specific of the show this post would be as long as a freaking book cuz I have the ability to write too much:

1. Vice Versa ep.1: this just started 2 days ago, I really liked the first episode the pacing was good, the acting was good, the cinematography and the colors were stunning and the story really intrigues me cuz I am a suker for supernatural teamed BL's, also I am really happy that Sea has a main role, I really like him since 55:15(watch it it's such a good series not BL but it has amazing plot acting and characters) wich marked the start of my love for him (and Pawin but he is not in this show so lets move on) so I'm exited to see how it develops, also OhmNanon always stunning, Jimmy is a snack, I cant wait to see Neo and Victor was a beautiful surprise not gonna lie

2. Oh! My Sunshine Night ep.2: I like this, its a bit slow paced but still enjoiable, I really like Rain he is probably my fav out of the bunch at the 2 episode we shall see later on, I really enjoyed his interaction with Payou, Fluke still amazing like always and I am really liking Kim with his antisocial cold akward interactions he's cute, I feel tho that there are too many caracters and at the moment the screentime is a bit unbalanced.

3. Even Sun ep3. Well... its bad I am not gonna lie, it feels like a huge commercial for beaches in Thailand with BounPrem as MC and it did make me wanna travel to thai islands, back to the story tho its very confusing and this is due to the script wich is scattered and unfocused at best, and the translation errors that are a huge amount so much that sometimes you canto even understend what a character means, the acting is fine our boys are doing the most in my opinion but I also like Mek's actor, overal i am sitting trough this cuz I really missed BounPrem in a main role and am anticipating Between Us so much

4. Sky In Your Heart ep5. ok I still have to watch the latest episodes and its tied to my opinikn on the show, and it's such a booooring show its not interesting I don't like how the characters act, especially Fah, the acting is nice and the visuals are pretty(scenary a la ATOTS wich was the reason I was exited for this show) To be fair I was already pissed with Star In My Mind and i didn't really like the last 6 episodes of that show but I was expecting more from this since the trailer, sky between the 2 was the one I had some expectation for but was disappointed the most by. I'll finish it just cuz its very short and the episodes are not that long but I probably wont enjoy the ride.

5 Mama Gogo ep.6: I FREAKING LOVE THIS SHOW(not BL eaven tho the cast is mostly composed by man) its so funny, light and holesome and over the top with the characters and the interactions and its so amazing it brightens my day, but I already knew from the trailer that Id love it, all the characters are amazing and unique and each one is having their spotlight and they are so funny especially Drake's charcter, Earth's character and Lee's character also I really like Annie she is a bad Bitch and she knows it

6. My Seacret Love ep7. I really like this show at the moment is my comfort show easy simple not too dramatic with lovely characters and relationship the problem au to this point got resolved preatty quikly with good comunication wich I really appreciate and I like the development the characters had since episode 1... exept for Tim I don't like him his so wishiwashi with how he acts you dob't understand his motivs cuz not even him understand himself and he takes his best friend and his feelings for granted never reflecting on his own making it unberable for him.

7. Astrophile ep13. (again not BL) last show and the one I am almost done with cuz its relising bi weakly. I like it its more on the dramatic side compared to other shows on this list(tho the most dramatic one I watched latly is Triage and that is on a compleatly different level cuz its so good) back to the series, I like how they show how women get treated by the work industry and how the pressure from family can break a person life making them the sole sorce of income amd how it takes a tol on them, there is also kind of a love triangle wich I dont like personally but its very mellow and it only makes you simpatize more with the second leed(our beloved Off), Kim the protagonist is a very lovely lead both i character and in visuals(mister Bright hellow) also First is in this and I am a huge suker for him since Not Me(I practically binged the series his in)

This are all the series I am watching at the moment, for the ones acrually reading this you can see that there is no Unforgotten Nights and Love mechanics or Check Out wich are the most poluar ones at the moment but I am not one bit interested in eather of those for different reasons for UN its the same reaso as KinnPorche(wich I have not watched maybe one day ill sit trough it and start it but not at tis moment) and that is the mafia plot line wich I am not a fan of at all and you can say I am too sensitive and that its only a show but its my life i decide what i watch must be something I am sure I am gonna enjoy and mafia stories are not it, you can pin it on me being Italian and being tought to stand against it but still I am entitled to my opinions.

Rant aside, maybe I will update this in the future but I am not sure, I also have no idea enyone is eaven interested in this

Series I am rewatching.... none I have bearly the time to watch the ones airing at the moment with my work skejule imagine rewatching a hole show, none the less the one I am planning on rewatching is: The Umbrella Accademy wich is neather thai nor BL but its one of my favourites show of all time and I wanna rewatch all 3 seasons together, other than that I wanna make myself suffer cuz I wanna rewatch Together with me(only that no bad romance nor next chapter I refuse to go trough both of those messess I dont hate myself thanks) cuz I kinda miss thos 2 idiots Korn and Knock

Ok series I am exited to watch. Lets start with the ones that have a release date wich are just a couple

1. War of Y: so exited for this one the story seems very interesting, with them bringing the dark side of BL to light with 4 different stories and 4 different couples, tho I am scared they will all have a sud ending lets cross fingers to me beig paranoid

2. Love in the air: I'll be compleatly upfront for this I have not watched anything from Mame, no TharnType, no Dont Say No, no Love By Chance(tho I dont know if LBC is in fact written by Mame i havent check I am lazy) so take that I will be going in to this story completly blind, I havent watched the other shows cuz the I didnt loke the plot the interaction and the characters it was too problematic for me but this one sems to have potential even tho the plot written on Mydramalist was kinda cringy but the trailer sparked my interest so we shall see

Now for the ones that still have no date od release(this ones in no particular order)

1. The Eclipse: just the cast would be enough to make me watch this show( HELLOOO First, Khaotung, Neo, Pawin, Louis and AJ like yess take my time and my soul) if you put in also a cool and dark story with a élite school that seems to be killing its students and maybe a time loops I am sold

2.The hole Midnight series by GMMTV so Midnight Motel, Moonlight Chicken and Dirty Laundry all 3 trailers sold it to me with story and cast

3.basically half of the shows in the 2022 borderless from GMMTV I will not write them all down its too much take those four aspecially the eclipse cuz off all its the one I am most intrigued by

4.Wish Me Luck. Na and Fiat in a main role??? YESS PLEASE its about time(que in falsettos song) they gave this boys a main role and not just a support one they deserve it

5.Transplant. just literally discovered this first of all existed, cuz I dont keep up with Thai novels cuz I have 0 access to them, and its the sequel of Manner Of Death and its connected with Triage! ( I love Sammon she is my new Godeess with her connected universe with cool couples and bad guys) and its just been unnounced as MaxTull new project!! exited

6.Make a Wish anothe Summon story with doctora and angels with our boy Fluke Natouch

I am done!!! this was a lot of work to write and nobody is gonna read it LOL, still it was fun to do it and put on "paper" what I was thinking of this shows i am watching an shows i wanna watch hope someone find this eather usefull, interesting or funny

I hope you all have a nice day and until the next post stay healty amd hydrated kisses

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alxndrlightwoods · 1 month

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9 5(+?) Fandom Peeps to Get to Know Better

tagged by @faejilly

3 ships you like:

Bingqiu(1) (all variations, there are five four characters this ship name applies to) [Scumbag System] - they are sooo fun to play with I love them. I'm actually going to probably write this pairing long before I pick up SH fics again, I'm willing to post links here if people are interested. I'm like... super into this fandom in general ngl like I bought the official english translations after reading it online because I use piracy to deal with capitalism then purchase items later. I have half a dozen fic ideas plotted out, which I regularly discuss with @alexanderlightweight

J/Makoto [MADK] - One of my headmates binged MADK and holy shit do we have Ideas for this wonderful toxic mess. I put the books on my wishlist already I desperately want to support the author. If you like cannibalism & hard vore please read this series. Yall have literally no idea how much I love those two things because its not in any of my published fics yet but please understand i am a FREAK. Cannibalism & necrophilia are the ultimate expressions of love in my mind and this pairing embodies that ideal (there is no necrophilia in the series but it comes close a few times, also it has incest so don't read it if you don't like incest) ANYWAY I wanna write fics for this too. Again, willing to drop links here if people want. Also I'm suffering there are only 9 MADK fics on ao3.

Jang Uk/Naksu [Alchemy of Souls] hhhhhhh please watch this show i am begging you

First Ship Ever: Hiei/SIOC. On Quizilla. Like baby host selfshipped sooo hard with Hiei, plus several others (Seto Kaiba, Sesshomaru, Yoko Kurama, Yami Yugi/Atem(u) - hm this list has A Theme)

Currently Craving: Tea, meatloaf, stuffing

Currently Consuming: watered down blue powerade (guess who probably has pots? its me!)

Currently Watching: Uhhhh Dungeon Meshi. I actually already read the manga (after getting into it via the anime) but I'm watching the anime too.

Currently Reading: Homestuck (for the first time) (i made it accessible for myself finally)

Last Song You Heard: *puts on a playlist* Middle Finger by Bohnes

(1) - Bing refers to Luo Binghe, there are two versions: Luo Bingge & Luo Bingmei. Qiu refers to Shen Qingqiu, there are three versions*: Shen Jiu, Shen Yuan, and Shen Jiumei**.

*One of these versions is fanon.

**This is a fanon interpretation of Shen Jiu that rewrites him as more mentally balanced & non-abusive, usually making him a modern man who transmigrates in place of Shen Yuan. Many people think Jiu & Yuan are two different incarnations of the same person, and Jiumei often leans into that.

@miss-shiva-adler and whoever else wants to

#get to know me

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prettybbychim · 3 months

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below the cut is me freaking out over how much writing i've done lately and it includes word counts, and i know from experience seeing others talk about their progress and word counts can be upsetting if u tend to compare yourself like i do. plus its kinda long and i don't want it clogging up feeds and such lol

bro okay so i have a separate gdoc of deleted content from superfluous (furina x neuv x wrio fic) and its just full of shit that i took out either bc it didn't fit or i went another direction. i don't want to delete anything for real in case it comes in handy later (and it has come in handy quite a few times already)

the thing that blows my tiny mind is that it currently sits at 23k words. that's absolutely insane to me when u compare it to the published fic's word count of 28k

i've written twice the amount of the published content that's wild wtf

i look at the published wc like ah i haven't done all that much have i when i got twice as much shit waiting for me on the backburner

in comparison, i was working on a bts fic for a couple years and it's unfinished at 23k

and now i've plopped out 51k in three months for one fic. the unpublished zhongchi is at 15k and i was working on it at the same time as the first chapter of superfluous. plus about 10k-ish in random drabbles and thought bubbles and two bts fics from events/exchanges i never finished

it took me 10 years to write 50k for my original novel and now i've done about 75k in half a fucking year

what changed u may ask?? i got off an antidepressant i started when i was a pre-teen. i wasn't even all the way through the withdrawals when i started writing again. at that point, i hadn't done anything in 3 years

it's just unbelievable to me how much i can actually achieve like idk if anyone can understand where i'm coming from like i don't do this, i never do this, i never finished shit, i hardly got halfway before giving up, and now i'm on track to finish a multi-chapter fic in 5 months (if i continue at the rate that i am that is)

i'm not foolish enough to believe its permanent. i can drop off tomorrow and never start again but i'm having fun and i can't remember the last time i experienced genuine enjoyment and satisfaction from something i did

#writing #fic writing #brb gonna go cry

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forbidden-creepypasta · 3 months

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Missing

This is essentially a re-imaning of a childrens story by Paul Jennings that scared me shitless as a Kid. I've spend a couple of days working on it, and I feel I've got about as good as it's going to get it. I still feel that something may be lacking, but I'll let you guys decide. (also I'm struggling to think of a good title).

MISSING

On the 14th January 2010, Sam Giddings went missing. He was left alone by his parents on their country farm, after they returned he was no-where to be found. Several search parties were sent into the surrounding countryside, but to no avail. Soon the investigation was closed, and Sam Giddings became just another lost teenager.

Until now.

Police have recently received several posts Sam had made on an internet forum on the afternoon of his disappearance. Whilst most of what he posted was irrelevant, the last few he made on a thread entitled 'What Scares You?' seemed particularly interesting.

What you are about to read are the last known words of Sam Giddings.

4:05

Quote:

I dunno about you guys, I but I've always found scarecrows really creepy. I dont know why, there is just something about them that gives me the chills. I guess its because of how they look sort of human, but just hang there dead and motionless. I'm currently left alone in my parents farm and they have just bought one for the field. I can see it through the window, and argh, it's already giving me chills. I mean I know its supposed to get rid of the birds and stuff, but I dont know why it has to have such a freaky smile

4:11 Replying to a post made by RingOFire42:

Quote:

Yeah hehe, Its still there through the window, I swear its looking at me! Hehe I guess I'm just paranoid, I could have sworn its head was originally facing the drive'

4:19 Replying to a post made by SniPer_FiEnd:

Quote:

ITS COMING TO GET YOU!!!!!

Haha, That's it I'm going downstairs! You've officially made me paranoid and I cant stand having it stare at me through the window, I hope you're happy!

4:22

Quote:

Ok maybe I'm just going crazy or something, but I'm sure it was looking at my bedroom window earlier. But now it's looking at me in the living room. I must be losing my mind, this is why I should never be left alone in the house! I scare myself to easily lol

4:30

Quote:

Ok, I went into the kitchen to get a drink. When I came back it had moved, its closer. Seriously, it is now right up near the window. Someone is pranking me, I just know it. I refuse to freak out though, I'm not falling for another one of these pranks again.

It is worth noting 30 minutes passed before his last two posts were made.

4:59

Quote:

I live in Salisbury Englabnd, my adress is 43 Osk filkd drive, postcofde SO32 5ks please, if uyou live near, call the polivre. I need help, I cannot look at hat I am tupsing, I cannot take my eues off it,if I do It will get me, it will get me if I look down, ifd I look anywhere except straight at it please, please, if y ou live near me call the polive.

His last post was short, and from the looks of it rushed, most of it is unreadable.

5:05

Quote:

pjsafaew some rrin so I mn edd heklpa sdfc om eone its in aeht erom its in eht eomm its eenect to me I need help please

People have speculated that ' its in aeht erom' could be read as 'It's in the room' But nobody can be certain.

With this new information, the investigation has briefly been opened up again. Police say they believe someone may have been on the premises, intentionally trying to scare Sam.

Mr and Mrs Giddings say they have no recollection of buying a scarecrow.

Credit to: Kjobbit

#creepypasta #horror microfiction #creepy stories #horror fiction

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dyingrosesandwriting · 9 months

Text

Guys I just had the worst nightmare ever but the actual events of course were actually not that bad, but I couldn't tell it wasn't resal...

Anihalifilation, or something like that, annihilation but different. It started with a strange dream and a known creep (in my dream) that bought me monster high dolls that were just... In my room, one of them already put on my shelf. Then eventually he found me, called me his princess and the dream got horny. Then, it was a new dream, I'm in the car, but it doesn't feel like a car, no roof, no sides, holding a tray with a bowl of soup with a lid that doesn't fit and an opens container with my meal. We're driving. Driving to a supposedly good restaurant. In the dream we've been before. But it's gone. And also past some water, the car drives through and we're all drenched. The building broke off of its raft like foundation. I'm holding the tray, with the soup and my rice-ish meal. I look up, the sky is dark, like night, but the streets look like day. Instead of a sun or moon I see Earth. It's bigger in the sky than either celestial bodies it should be, and it's getting bigger. Closer. I know it's Earth, but it looks like COD BO2 Zombies Earth, and glowing cracks appear in the atmosphere as it draws closer. I look to my phone for explanation. I don't get that strange annihilation name yet, but this is apparently a known rare scientific event though highly unlikely, like a solar flare. Different universes are colliding, or well, their Earth's are.

Suddenly the scene is different. I'm in some streets that my brain has conjured before. I'm a mess but not crying yet. Bev, my friend's mum is there, I'm looking for my English teacher who lives next to the house Bev is in front of, I know she lives elsewhere even in the dream. I go inside of a 7/11 but people are still lining up. I know they're anxious, but I'm the only one freaking out, on the edge of crying. I leave, I was planning on stealing a slurpie, but with the order everyone else shows, I wouldn't dare.

In my search for my favourite teacher, I find myself in Coles, though there's more space, and it all reminds me of my local Woolies instead. I check the news, after simply searching news, clicking on an Optus news site where there are about 5 articles, two of which mentioning the current event, that anihalifilation name is here. I panic so hard I can barely read, which is part of why I couldn't realise it wasn't real sooner I suppose.

Remember that creep I mentioned earlier? He first messaged me on Instagram, and considering I am going to die, I decide to finally text him back. I send something so garbled that I wasn't sure what I meant, even in the dream. I search the store for a place I can text in relative privacy. I find some seats near the bakery. Instead of the warm lights there should have been, it was darker, with mayber only a blue tinger white bulb illuminating the cold atmosphere.

There are a couple of seats, a man sits alone, another with his young daughter, when I sit I find a ps4 game that looks familiar (from another dream I swear) on the ground. I go to pick it up, but it's kind of hard. The man with the child picks it up. My mind instantly thinks his daughter must of dropped it. But then I see it's wrapped with something I swore I just bought, so with him still holding it, I open the plastic and grab what's mine, and grab my phone to text that basically yandere dream creep.

Then, my alarm woke me up.

I know this isn't the right blog, but I just needed to get this out. I was a sobbing mess in this dream and I just spent 27 mins writing this ig??

#not writing

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iloveabunchofgames · 1 year

Text

2/12/23 - Week In Review

#JakeReviewsItch Week In Review Archives

This week's reviews:

🧡🧡🧡🧡🤍 a new life. 🧡🤍🤍🤍🤍 A NIGHTMARE'S TRIP 🧡🧡🧡🧡🤍 A Normal Lost Phone 🧡🧡🧡🤍🤍 A Planet of Mine 🧡🧡🧡🧡🤍 A Short Hike 🧡🧡🧡🤍🤍 A Sketchbook About Her Sun 🧡🧡🧡🧡🤍 A Snake's Tale Later in this post, we're going deep Nintendo news and capitalism:

The return of the Touch Generation

Freshly Announced Zelda's Pricey Rupeeland

The relative value of old games But first...

Game of the Week:

Without a doubt, this is the strongest week so far. There's a clear winner in this batch (as well as a clear loser), but the runners-up have been on my mind a lot over the last few days.

The above screenshot comes from the early moments of this week's best game, a new life. Although May, on the verge of admitting she has a crush on August, is referring to the vulnerability of emotional intimacy, I snapped this image because I wasn't sure yet where this story was going. Friends, the most embarrassing about this game might be that I myself out of giving it a 5/5 rating. My review's harshest criticism was that there weren't enough opportunities to connect to the characters and their tiny world. While I don't think changing scores is in the spirit of this project, having now had time to reflect, the story a new life. tells is bigger than its fictional narrative. A recommendation carries more weight when it's back up with details, but I'm asking you to take my word on this one. On that subject, this week's review of A Normal Lost Phone (currently the second-best reviewed game in the ranking) is largely about the frustration of recommending games that are best played cold. Look, I would love to talk freely about the content of these games, but if you've played them, you already know what I'm talking about, and if you haven't, please do. Finally, while I can't recommend A Sketchbook for Her Sun, I will be forever grateful to it for introducing me the Red Ribbon. I can't very well name an indie musician "Game of the Week," but it's been a Red Ribbon party in this house for several days already, and the party won't stop until somebody calls the cops.

Tears of the Wallet

The latest Nintendo infomercial was met with a mixed reception. Those who tune in for ultra-modern blockbusters from the biggest franchises were disappointed. (I guess I get that. As pumped as I am for a new Pikmin and a new Zelda, I'm already sold on both, so those trailers don't count, in some weird way.) As a fan of the kind of experimental, unmarketable B-games that have largely gone out of fashion in the last decade, this was a monumental advertisement. Samba de Amigo, Professor Layton, Fashion Dreamer (yes, this is a Style Savvy sequel), Ghost Trick, Fantasy Life, and the freaking GBC adaptation of Alone In the Dark: The New Nightmare??? I don't know why a multi-billion dollar put together a 45-minute commercial aimed specifically at me, but I'm not complaining.

I am complaining about the news that The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom will have a higher-than-expected MSRP. I rarely pay full price for games, but I've been scrimping and saving in anticipation of this one. Money is tight, and that extra $10 stinks. In more financially stable times, I paid $60 for Zelda's Wild Breath, though, and I felt like I got my money's worth. Then I paid, what was it? Another $20 for the mildly disappointing DLC? Remember the "Everyone is here!" trailer line for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate—the game that was called Ultimate because there's nowhere to go after you get everyone. I purchased the full DLC subscription, the contents of which were still unannounced, because you guys, everyone. And then they announced a second DLC pack, and dozens of costume microtransactions, and I said no, I have put enough money into this game. I Tears of the Kingdom is a bigger, better Breath of the Wild, I don't think charging a little more is unreasonable, just like I don't think it's unreasonable that LABO, Ring Fit Adventure, and Mario Kart: Home Circuit cost more than $60. Value and profit margin should be factors in pricing. (That goes the other way, too—more on that in this post's final topic.) If I'm paying a higher base price, though, I don't want to be asked for more money later. Go the the eShop and sort by price. Look how many games get away with charging $100 just because they tack "+ DLC bundle" to the end of their titles. It's sick, and we should be worried by anything and everything that conditions us to feel like maybe everything should be more expensive. No one is forcing big corporations (not just games; this is everywhere) to charge more for less. Video games are already too expensive for me, and I do not want them to get more expensive. I do not need them to get more expensive. Let games be small and freaky!

One, Two Remakes Stand Before You

Metroid Prime (Left) and Metroid Prime Remastered (Right). Official screenshots from Nintendo, hosted on ModyGames.

Metroid Prime is a masterpiece. This is not a unanimous opinion, but it's not a controversial statement, either. I don't know how many times I've replayed it, and it still fills me with the same sense of awe I felt twenty years ago. I've not played Metroid Prime Remastered, but by all accounts, it is even better. Some information about the remaster was leaked months ago, so its official announcement and release this week didn't come as a big surprise, and yet I was taken off guard by just how much work went into making it look modern. Now I'm looking back at Metroid Prime, a game that's always been beautiful in my eyes, and it's so...old. The remaster is priced at $40, which seems fair, given the apparent development effort behind it. (Super gross that Nintendo doesn't share my appreciation for hard work.) Fair, but more than I'm willing to spend on what is essentially a game I've already bought twice. (Hey, Metroid Prime Trilogy was only $20 on Wii U, and I didn't own Metroid Prime 2.) You know what I did buy this week?

WBSC eBASEBALL™: POWER PROS isn't a remake, per se. I can't point to one entry in the long-running Power Pros series and say, "See? They brought it back!" but that's only because they're all basically remakes. Although the series hasn't been a global concern for several console generation, Konami put out one or two of these every year in Japan from 1994-2016—not counting spin-offs, which came out at a comparable rate—before switching to an every-other-year schedule. They're all remakes. Clearly, releasing the same game over and over again with minor tweaks is a viable business strategy. Like, Konami has the game, and suckers are willing to buy it again each time they slap a new number on the title. It's the dream of every greedy publisher! And that's why I have to rave about the new Power Pros.

I don't care about baseball in the slightest. I've played an obscene amount of Bases Loaded on NES, and I'm always up for some Wii Sports baseball, but I can't think of one other baseball video game that's left any impression. WBSC eBASEBALL™: POWER PROS is no exception. It's more complicated and demanding than the cartoon characters imply, and attempting to manage a team's lineup makes my head spin. I'm not going to give up until I manage to get at least one run. Hopefully I'll get a feel for it and start having fun. For now, I stink, and I don't like it. Here's the thing, though: This game, the first Power Pros game released outside of Japan in years, the latest in a long-running line of shameless cash grabs costs...

$0.99

This isn't a sale. It's not an introductory price. And here's the part that sold me: It's the complete game. No DLC. When you've already produced a game, already sold it at a premium price, and already watched watched sales numbers plummet to zero/week, what do you, a game publisher, have left? What is the value of that intellectual property? What good are the code and the art assets when no one's buying? (Besides exploiting your fans with low-value junk?) You can sit on it, hording properties in the hopes that one day they can be rebooted, remastered, or resold in their original condition. You can sell the rights to other publishers. Forgo profits now to (possibly) profit later, or profit now and forgo the ability to (possibly) later. I never would have expected Konami to instead sell a game at an irresistibly low price, but it's absolutely the best move. So what if they only make a couple cents per sale? Low cost + high volume = cha-ching! And public goodwill. And a chance to reach people like me, who would never buy a new baseball game. How many new fans will pay full price for the next generation of Power Pro. Zelda sticker shock is getting headlines right now, and it should, but we should refocus the story, not on games getting more expensive, but on games being priced appropriately.

Let's also remember, this week, that some games are not appropriate for purchase at any price.

Friends don't let friends enable bigots.

#JakeReviewsTwitch is a series of daily game reviews. You can learn more here. You can also browse past reviews…

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