#its the world to me its life its the bible 2 its the only thing that could push me to speak in public again

[lollytea]

(Part 4 of La La Land Machine exposition posts!! I know I've made way more than 4 but this is the part that's going in chronological order. Like I've talked about Hunter and hunlow in this au before but this is his formal introduction, like Willow got in part 1. I also got quite a lot more followers since I last rambled about this AU so linking the other parts if they wanna catch up. And if they want, they can look through the tag for all the additional info.

PART 1

PART 2

PART 3

Anyway, I lied. We are only BEGINNING to talk about the hunlow slow burn. It's taken me long enough to set up Hunter and everything he's got going on. It sets up hunlow but they're not really close yet. But it won't even take that long to get the next post out because I am so excited to talk about them more)

Hunter Wittebane has lived his whole life wearing masks. He's been an actor before he developed object permanence. He was memorizing scripts by ear before he could fully read by himself.

Job after job, set after set, role after role. His environment is not only cutthroat competitive, but it's always in motion. Things never sit still. The biggest stability in his life was his Uncle Philip, whom Hunter loved intensely. Even if it felt like the only way he could express it was by bleeding.

But Hunter was only allowed to bleed in private. And if he wanted his Uncle to stroke his hair back and keep telling him he was special, he needed to prove it. He needed to be the second chance that he was born to be.

Hunter struggles to really understand who he is. Because he is seldom himself. If he's not playing a character, he's only known as the legacy of the Hollywood gem, Caleb Wittebane, Hunter's late father.

Hunter was quite sheltered as a child. Other than being out and about for business reasons, he didn't really get to experience much of the world. If he wasn't working, he was usually confined to his Uncle's house. Or hotel rooms. The only outings he goes on that are considered "personal" are to church.

He loves to read and he'll devour whatever book he gets his hands on. Unfortunately his options are limited to what his Uncle believes is appropriate. Philip views the world as a depraved and lecherous place, as are the people that inhabit it. If it weren't for this world and its poison, his brother would still be alive.

And then he wouldn't need to waste his time replicating his brother's likeness in some aimless weak willed child who can barely comprehend how important his performance is in all of this.

Philip refuses to allow outside forces to contaminate his nephew. If Caleb's soul is going to live on in the way it should have, they can't make a repeat of last time. Caleb's replacement has to remain on the right path, or his legacy goes up in flames.

The Bible is one of Hunter's top comfort reads. It's the only book that his Uncle seems pleased to know he's interested in. And he's pored over the pages so many times that the familiarity is soothing. It also puts the fear of God in him. As do Philip's frequent lessons. He's shaping up to be a very faithful little Christian.

Hunter also watches a lot of (Uncle approved) television. He's a tiny chatterbox but is pretty starved of socialization. If his Uncle isn't around, he's stuck with the family assistant Kiki, who usually ignores him. TV and books are mostly responsible for Hunter's expansive vocabulary.

As a shy but precocious little boy, his best friends are sweet, comforting preschool cartoon characters.

Even though Philip's life seemed to orbit around Hunter and he worked day and night for the sake of his nephew's success, a lot of the time he just....wasn't around. Sometimes Hunter went weeks without hearing from him and was left in the "care" of Kiki.

Hunter was always left wanting. On those lonely nights when Philip was away, he would beg Kiki to call him so Hunter could at least say goodnight. All for the sake of holding the phone tight against his ear and hearing his Uncle's soft spoken "Sleep well, Hunter," so his world felt a little less cold.

If Philip even answered.

But when Uncle was home, Hunter found himself with some very guilty feelings and ungrateful thoughts.

The details are not important. By that, I mean Hunter is quite uncomfortable recounting the things that used to happen in the Wittebane house when his Uncle was home.

He said them aloud once. At the age of sixteen, when his breathing was in sync with the girl he had fallen in love with and her fingers were tracing gentle paths down his bare back. He felt like he had melted into a world where he could say anything.

It didn't stop his voice from wavering nor his throat from threatening to close up. It was like he was having a full body rejection of the admission. These were secrets meant to remain locked up in his chest until his heart went still.

But he said them. And after that, they couldn't go back to being unsaid.

He didn't say them again for many years. It wasn't until he was a grown man. He wrote them down and he told the whole world.

But we're getting ahead of ourselves.

The point is that when Philip was away, Hunter got lonely and wanted his Uncle back. When Philip was home and focused all of his attention on his nephew, Hunter wanted nothing more than for him to be gone again. He knew that was an awful thing to want and the guilt ate him alive.

Did he not love his Uncle? Of course he did! He loved him more than anything.

That's why it hurt so much.

Sometimes, his Uncle was a comfort to Hunter's anxious heart. He held him in his arms and hushed him when Hunter had nightmares. He was safety.

And other times, he was the reason for those nightmares and Hunter didn't feel like he could be safe until that man was out of the house again.

Maybe, no matter what happened, he'd never be truly happy with any situation he was put in. Maybe the state of "being happy" just wasn't real, but a thing TV made up. There was just something inherently empty and scary about being alive.

At least that's the conclusion the small boy came to. This remained his mindset as he navigated the big loud upsetting world around him, which only got bigger and louder and more upsetting as Hunter got older and his career grew.

The most glaring problem Philip encountered grooming Hunter in Caleb's image was that there's a drastic difference between a man who achieved the most undiluted burst of stardom in his twenties and a toddler. Hunter can not immediately slide into the dignified shadow his father left behind, because he's too young for the kind of dramatic roles that Caleb had dazzled the world with.

There was nothing available to little Hunter that Philip felt lived up to the standards of Caleb in his prime. Which was understandable but disappointing. So, with a heavy exhale, which made Hunter worry the hem of this shirt ("Am I doing something wrong, Uncle?") Philip relented. Hunter would need a lengthy portfolio by the time he was older, so it was now time to start building this budding actor from the ground up.

Commercials, TV appearances, small film roles. Though it pained him to do so, Philip abandoned all the initial integrity he attached to his brother's legacy, and focused primarily on simply getting Hunter's face on a screen, any screen, whatever it took to get him entrenched in the industry.

Hunter was a lot more sensitive than other children. When he was very little, he had a bad tendency to get distressed over things like bright lights and unfamiliar places and weird textures. This led to a lot of on-set tantrums and he was deemed a difficult and entitled brat.

His "brattiness" never quite went away as he aged. But Philip did manage to curb those tendencies to be far less frequent. It involved brief private conversations in the nearest dressing room. When Hunter emerged, he was quieter and a lot more willing to co-operate with what the adults needed from him.

Hunter learned that misbehaving had consequences. He learned to swallow whatever obscure distress he was feeling and just do his job.

This didn't make his tantrums stop. They just shifted from regular occurances to big nasty explosions that build up over a period of weeks to months.

He eventually gave up trying to suppress them. It doesn't work. So, he just allows his emotions to burst out of him in the most humiliating public display a human being can put on, and then takes his punishment.

Uncle keeps telling him that people are going to think there's something wrong with him if he keeps doing this.

Hunter begs him to believe that there's not. There's not something wrong with him.

While it was happening, Philip would consider the 90s as a rocky beginning to his nephew's career. He didn't care much for any of the films or television series' Hunter appeared in, likely because he didn't care much for any production that included small children. So he was uninterested by default in any of the roles Hunter managed to book.

Regardless, this didn't make Philip any less demanding. Even if it was all tripe, and by God, he was very vocal about it all being tripe, he was still strict about Hunter's work ethic. The boy was expected to pour everything into his performance, and through there were very irritating child labor laws, Philip turned a blind eye to directors pushing the limits every now and again.

After long work days, Hunter would listen to his Uncle tear his current acting job to shreds. The stupid demeaning script that Caleb would be appalled at, but Hunter had no choice but to take, because he simply doesn't have the privilege to be picky.

Hunter felt a deep humiliation by his own career before he was even ten years of age. There was nothing that Philip held to Caleb standard, which left Hunter a paranoid wreck most of the time, fearing that he was always doing something wrong but never knowing how to fix it.

When he thinks back on being a little kid, he has a lot of memories of tearfully begging his Uncle to stop thinking of him a certain way or looking at him the way he does. He remembers his throat hurting. Things must have gotten loud.

An older Hunter would wince as he makes that connection. He remembers his throat hurting but not the consequences of raising his voice.

Every so often, a more prestigious opportunity presented itself to him (like the role of the protagonist's son in a film adaption of an American classic), and Hunter got so overwhelmed by the pressure of finally having something that could possibly hold a candle to Caleb Wittebane that he completely flubbed the audition and failed to book the role.

He knows that were dire consequences for not getting it. Although, once again, he doesn't remember the details of the punishment. But he remembers how tightly Uncle gripped his wrist as they walked out of the building. He remembers sitting perfectly still in the car, scared to make a sound by wriggling in his seat. Scared to breathe.

That was the 90s. That was Hunter's experience as a young child actor.

By the year 2000, he was ten and that's when Philip quietly realized something.

Hunter currently resembled Caleb Wittebane in miniature. He had his strong nose, his ashy hair, his dark eyes. Philip had always anticipated that there may be a bit of her in his nephew's appearance, but there wasn't a trace. It was beyond ideal.

This is when things should have gotten easier. This is when dignified job opportunities should have begun rolling in. This is when the world should have taken notice that Caleb Wittebane was not dead.

But this was not the case.

What Philip did not anticipate was that the industry had changed significantly since the 80s. It was the year 2000 and a young Caleb Wittebane was not what the industry wanted the future of film to look like.

He realized this in his study late one night as he obsessed over old video tapes. And once the truth had sunk in, he called Hunter into the room.

Hunter remembers wearing red pajamas patterned with beagle puppies. He has a memory of liking those pajamas a lot but can't recall the disappointment of growing out of them and throwing them away. It makes him suspect that at some point he just stopped wearing them.

On that night, a part of Philip gave up completely. He decided that this attempt of reviving his late brother's career was a failure before it had even started.

However, Philip was a deeply complex man. A remarkably stubborn man. So even when a part of him died, another part flared with life. It was the part of him that wanted to dig his heels in and say he wasn't done yet. Maybe they didn't want Caleb now, but this world was fickle. Who knows what they'd want in five years? In ten?

Hunter would continue making a name for himself, Philip would make sure of that.

Hunter would be something special if it damn near kills him.

And if he fails, Philip would kill the boy himself.

So, Hunter continues working diligently, attempting to find his footing in the rapidly changing environment. The early 2000s seem to be working overtime to distance itself from the 90s and it certainly takes some getting used to.

When Hunter is around eleven, he is told for the first time that he is not very nice to look at. According to various make up artists and hair stylists who he is left in the custody of when Kiki is god knows where, it's very easy to be cute as a small child. Baby fat n' all. But at a certain age, you start outgrowing it and that's when it becomes apparent whether you're going to be a handsome young man or not.

They gently break the news that there are not a lot of promising signs for Hunter. As one of the women, maybe in her late twenties, cups his face in her hands and tilts it towards the light (he really hates when strangers touch him), she sucks through her teeth and winces, as though she's trying to dig something out with her eyes but is coming up short. Nothing about his features reads as a future leading man. He can still have a steady acting career of course. But it's important he not get his hopes up too high. He's doesn't look like the typical Hollywood star.

Hunter argues with her. He riles himself up until his face flushes with rage. He looks just like his father, who was one of the most famous leading men of all time.

"Who's your Dad?" The woman asks.

Hunter frowns. He's never said the word "Dad" in his life. But the full name is familiar on his tongue when he answers the question.

"Oh, yeah," She says vaguely. "I think my parents used to watch his movies. I guess he was what they considered handsome in the 80s but..."

He doesn't like the way she trails off. He doesn't like all the new information being presented to him. He doesn't like her saying Caleb Wittebane wasn't handsome. In the world Hunter lives in, the man is picture perfect in every discernable way. He's never heard a bad word spoken of his father before, not even of the shallow variety. Uncle only lets him speak to people with nice things to say about Caleb. It's so jarring that it makes him feel nauseous. This isn't the way things are supposed to be.

And what's even worse, does looking like Caleb Wittebane not even matter?

Does this legacy he's supposed to carry on not matter?

That's always been one of his biggest fears, but he can not think about it for too long or the meltdown gets bad. But this new realization about his apparently mediocre looks catch him so off guard that he can't help it this time.

Hunter proceeds to hyperventilate in a supply closet for the next twenty minutes. He had never thought about what he looked like before. He had never really cared. He didn't know his appearance could hinder his career. He didn't know everything could fall apart just by having the face he does.

This is when a deep seated insecurity centered around his body image began spiraling out of control. It was also around the time that Hunter's dietary restrictions were being implemented, as were the intensity of his ballet lessons. This certainly did not help his already deteriorating self confidence.

From that point, Hunter is far more conscious of his own ambitions as an actor. He believes he is more than just a little boy who performs because it's what his Uncle tells him to do. He's a young man who wants to become a success like his father before him. He wants recognition. He wants acclaim. He wants...he wants....he wants something that he does not currently have.

As an adult, Hunter can only drag his fingers through his hair and sigh sympathetically at the thought of his young self believing that his determination to be a successful was ever for himself. It was for Uncle. It was for Caleb Wittebane. It was for everybody but himself. He was just a stupid kid who thought he wanted this because he knew nothing else.

The 2000s are a time when Hunter simultaneously starts slipping out of his iron confines, while getting reeled back tighter than ever. As he grows older, his curiosity becomes more and more insatiable and current pop culture is not as easy to shield him from. Especially when it's such a huge part of his life as an actor.

By the age of twelve, he's such a boring obedient self sufficient little robot that Kiki doesn't even bother monitoring him as severely as she once had. What's he gonna do, really?

And though Hunter is adamant that he never breaks his Uncle's rules, he finds himself shattering them to smithereens on a regular basis.

"I like authority. And rules," He says, ignoring the fact that there are piles of teen magazines tucked away under his mattress. Ignoring the hour of TV he sneaked in that Philip would have shattered the television screen over.

And no matter how many times Hunter wrinkles his nose in disapproval at how rowdy and frivolous today's youth are, he's still reading those trashy articles, desperate to find some connection. His small bubble of worldliness is beginning to grow.

It is slowly occuring to Hunter that he is much different than other kids. But that's a good thing....right? He's on a cleaner path than they are. None of them are being led by Philip Wittebane.

This is a good thing, he tells himself. This is a good thing, this is a good thing, this is a good thing--

However, Philip does crack down on an aspect of Hunter's autonomy that has been mostly ignored until now.

Though he tries not to think about it, as it gives him the most splitting headache, Philip must internally acknowledge those rumors from an age ago. The word of mouth telephone that crackled with the events of that one ridiculous party. Caleb Wittebane, age 17(!!!!) with his tongue down some filthy girl's throat.

The news hadn't been as scandalous as Philip viewed it as, and the world forgot about it remarkably fast. But he never forgot. And he never would. It was a pesky stain on the otherwise clean image that Philip was trying to preserve.

It hadn't been Caleb. It wasn't like him at all to behave in such an indecent way. It was her influence. It always was. Sometimes his blood boiled when he remembered how deeply interwoven she had become in his brother's life. How the child wouldn't even exist without her. It was vile. Eternally contaminating a narrative she had no business being a part of.

Obviously, he never told Hunter about all this. About the party. About the tongue. About the girl. He never mentioned the girl. She was a footnote at best.

Anyway, Hunter was almost thirteen. He was tumbling into adolescence. And no matter how singleminded and sensible he tried to act, there would be challenges to this physical and mental development. And Philip knew from personal experience that there was nothing more damaging to a clean Christian boy than fizzling teenage hormones.

There would not be a repeat of last time.

On Hunter's thirteenth birthday, his Uncle gifted him a chastity ring, like many of the other young people that attended their church.

Hunter was so floored by the gift he forgot how to speak. And when his Uncle put his hand on his shoulder and murmured "I know you won't let me down," Hunter had nodded solemnly, suddenly feeling so much older than he had been a moment before.

He now had a responsibility to refrain from things he hardly understood.

Philip felt this would be an effective precaution. It made Hunter feel important and Hunter loved to feel important.

All that concerned Philip was that the boy stick to his morals.

Keeping his stupid tongue in his stupid mouth was only the tip of the iceberg of what the rules of the chastity ring entailed, but Philip stressed the importance of it nonetheless.

And if the boy failed to do this one simple thing, Philip was going to gouge his eyes out.

A few months later, Hunter was hired to appear in an advertisement produced by his family's church. He, and several other actors in his age range, promoted the rings they wore to the children watching at home.

Hunter was very proud to be a part of it. He rarely got to do anything educational.

When Hunter was fourteen, he surprisingly booked a role as Sir William in some medieval fantasy film for swoony teen girls.

He rolled his eyes over it, but this was the point when Philip made it apparent to Hunter that swoony teen girls was a huge chunk of the target demographic of any actor his age so he best begin pandering. He was no Edric Blight (Hunter fucking hated Edric Blight) but he'd probably appeal to some.

The means of obtaining the role was not Hunter's talent alone, but it was because of a perfectionist director who wanted raw, emotionally gripping action scenes, and was disappointed that all the hazardous exploits in the script would require stunt doubles. No parent in their right mind would allow their child to be put in such dangerous conditions.

Enter Philip Wittebane and his nephew Hunter.

The film's shooting schedule had a rough history. And after a few months, production had to stop altogether when an on-set accident resulted in Hunter being sent to the hospital.

He remembers the hospital, specifically the very uncomfortable bed. He remembers rarely sleeping through the night unless he was drugged, as he kept waking up with panic attacks about all the money he was causing the studio to lose by not healing faster.

By the time the film released, Hunter was fifteen and already moving forward with his next project.

The Golden Guard was a TV adaption of a well loved comic book series that was currently in the development stages. Hunter has never read the comic (he's never read most comics, other than newspaper funny pages) but he's been informed that he is the spitting image of the titular character.

Initially he was skeptical. Who wants a famous superhero on their screen who looks like him? Certainly not current networks who have a very limited view of what leading men should look like, regardless of the comic it's being adapted from.

Apparently, a lot of negotiations have been taking place with the Golden Guard's creator, in order to obtain rights to the series. After months of arguing, they wore him down, as they always manage to wear creators down, and he agreed to hand over his baby.

The one condition that he managed to secure was that the boy cast for the screen resembled the boy on the page.

Hunter was fully aware that if it weren't for that old man's stubbornness, there was no way he would have been eligible for the role. He remembered seeing him appear once during a screen test and had wanted to thank him. The speech that fell out of him was flustered and clumsy, but it made the man smile.

"There are going to massacre the Golden Guard," He said with a bitter smile. "But I think you'll do well."

He never saw him again after that. And though Hunter did not have the frame of reference to have an opinion, the girl he would inevitably fall in love with happened to be a huge comic book nerd, being especially infatuated with the Golden Guard. And her opinions were strong.

"He was right, y'know," She would inform Hunter. "Your show is a steaming pile of shit." She would then kiss the tip of his nose. "But you're the best part of it."

Speaking of girls,

Hunter met Emira Blight a year prior when she and her twin brother also showed up for the chastity ring promotional ad. The two of them would have gotten fired for vandalizing the set and pranking the director if they weren't the most well known stars associated with the project.

Someone had tried to contact their mother to come get her children under control but she had failed to pick up the phone.

"Our precious little Mittens has an audition today," Emira explained, hands placed angelically behind her back.

"Until further notice, Mom has forgotten she has two other kids," Added Edric.

Emira smiled. "Like the next time she notices her stretch marks <33"

The two of them burst into giggles. They were left to be "disciplined" by members of the crew, who hadn't the faintest idea how to handle either of them.

Hunter had tried to avoid them while on set. He never had any personal encounters with them but he was well aware of their existence. They had been starring in twin centric comedies for the last decade or so, and were beloved talk show guests for being chatty, mischievous and overall "adorable."

Hunter found them obnoxious.

Edric more so than Emira. Especially lately, as the two were finally branching out into their own separate careers, rather than remaining a double act. Meaning Edric could be found sniffing around in the same auditions rooms as Hunter, going for the same roles.

Edric had a perfectly structured face, devoid of blemishes. He had the most photoshopped nose Hunter had ever seen, except he looked like that in real life apparently. He looked perfect and he was already a star to begin with. The roles were his the moment he stepped into the room.

But this wasn't about Edric. Edric was off somewhere else, performing the leading role in some teen musical movie that was going to become a worldwide phenomenon the moment it hit television screens.

This was about Emira, who had just been cast as Ruby Green, the Golden Guard's love interest.

Emira Blight was one of the most beautiful teenage girls in the entire world. Hunter knew this because he read it in a magazine once. More specifically, she placed 4th on the list, but that was still a pretty impressive accomplishment.

Hunter always had a difficult time deciphering the exact definition of beautiful. It was apparently a far different thing than what you would initially imagine.

From what he had gathered, it had nothing to do with being particularly interesting to look at, but having a nice and tidy face with all its features being a specific size and shape. He couldn't understand how one girl on that list could be in 8th place, while another could be in 3rd, as they all looked so startlingly similar.

That was what beautiful meant, he supposed.

There were definitely people that Hunter saw as beautiful in their own peculiar way. In the way that wasn't correct. Sometimes he saw them in movies from the 80s-90s. Sometimes he saw them in audition rooms, but they rarely booked the role.

Sometimes he even saw them on the street as the car drove past, people who made him sit up and want to look at them a little longer--

Girls. Girls on the street. Just girls. Only girls. It was only girls that he looked at on the street. It was only girls that he looked at ever.

Emira Blight had Edric's perfectly structured face, which made her beautiful in a celebrity kind of way, but also made Hunter want to look at her less. She had Rapunzel hair and a rail thin frame and, much to Hunter's dismay, she was taller than him.

The wardrobe department were given notes to add an extra few inches to the Golden Guard's boots.

"Little Prince indeed," The head stylist had murmured under his breath, just loud enough for Hunter to hear. An furious flush set his face aflame.

There were no screen test to determine Hunter and Emira's chemistry before the latter was cast, which resulted in hours of reshoots where they were chastised for the lack of romantic tension that they were putting into their performance.

To be perfectly honest, Hunter disliked Emira quite a bit and she disliked him too.

She carried her troublemaking tendencies from the promotional ad to the Golden Guard set, frequently wreaking havoc on the cast and crew.

Hunter had blown a gasket and berated her for it several times, but all she had done was smile her insufferable smile, roll her eyes and sing songingly tease him for being so uptight.

She made him mad. So uncomfortably mad. If he pulled the kind of stunts she pulled, without caring about the consequences, he would probably be dead by now.

Emira rarely got angry. Everything she did had this air of impish joy, but based on the way she spoke to Hunter, her opinion of him wasn't exactly glowing.

She called him arrogant, bossy, egotistical, to which he practically exploded in response. And then she made fun of how red in the face he got.

The only time Hunter ever saw Emira as anything less than her usual bombastic self was early in the morning, during hair and makeup.

"Are you washing your face, honey?"

"Yes," Answered Emira, looking smaller than ever in the makeup chair.

"Drinking plenty of water? Eating healthy? Staying away from junk food? Getting plenty of exercise?"

"Yes, yes, yes and yes," Emira's voice was quiet and automatic.

After a pause, she continued "It's not my fault."

The makeup artist hummed, unconvinced, which made Emira grip the seat so hard her fingers shook.

But the woman didn't push the matter any more and got to work on painting Emira's face into the porcelain masterpiece that made its way on to magazines.

Hunter watched in fascination as a few minutes of work with sponges and brushes wiped her skin clear of acne. And then she was what everyone around here would call beautiful once again.

When Emira noticed him looking, she said, in her usual playfully indifferent voice "I think Hunter's eyebags are getting worse."

"We know," The woman replied, exasperated.

The comment wasn't much, but it successfully corralled Hunter into his default mood. Not being enough. Any thoughts about Emira flew out the window, and he was back to fretting about his own inadequacy.

"And he's more sickly looking than usual," Emira decided to add.

"Well, maybe if he laid off the coffee. It's got him looking like a half-dead ghoul. No wonder it takes so long to make him look presentable."

It was a bad time for Hunter to be taking a sip of his takeaway cup. He frowned. "I've been awake since 4:30am."

"You should go to bed earlier then,"

"But I--"

"And kids shouldn't be drinking coffee at all."

"I'm not a kid!"

"Hush up. We've got work to do on this face and the last thing I need is to listen to you bitching again,"

Hunter glowered at her.

"You're gonna have wrinkles before you're 18 if you keep pouting like that."

He was so preoccupied with not throwing a temper tantrum that he didn't notice Emira leave the room.

The worst thing she ever did was while they were filming episode 3 and she had decided that Hunter's uptight behaviour deserved a humbling punishment. He didn't know how but she had somehow managed to break into his trailer and scavenged the place for something embarrassing.

This resulted in his stuffed frog Sprig being paraded around the set in Emira's arms as she declared the toy's owner to everyone who would listen in a high pitched trill. Everybody. She told everybody. Everybody knew about his toy. And now nobody was going to treat him seriously.

And when Hunter finally processed what was happening, all he had wanted to do was cry.

But he couldn't cry. Because fifteen year old boys don't cry. But he wanted to cry so badly that his usual screaming rage was nonexistent. He was just completely deflated.

He silently took the frog from Emira's possession and walked away. She had seemed confused, not understanding why he was not turning his funny red colour and yelling his head off.

She didn't bait him as much after that. She rarely spoke to him at all, outside of filming.

At one point she had randomly burst into his trailer, brandishing a magazine full of women in bikinis.

"For you!" She announced proudly. "A gift."

Hunter was a little slow on the uptake because a bikini magazine being within ten feet of his person was so incriminating that immediately thinking of the consequences nearly made him black out.

When he could speak again, he exploded "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?? GET THIS OUT OF HERE!!"

"No, no, listen," Emira insisted. "I know your Uncle is like. Super Christian--"

"So am I!"

"And I know you're never gonna get your hands on this stuff by yourself. So, I'm helping,"

"Why do you even have this?" Hunter demanded, disgusted.

Emira took more than half a second to answer. "It's Ed's."

As if anything on earth could have made Hunter want to touch the thing less.

"Why..." He began, lost. "Why would you ever think I would want this?"

Emira cocked her head at him, puzzled. "You're a boy."

"Get out."

At the time, Hunter had presumed this to be another means of humiliating him, because he had quickly written Emira off as inexplicably cruel. But in hindsight, she had probably just been trying, in her own emotionally stunted way, to apologize to him. She had known next to nothing about boys and she knew even less about herself, other than she was a thing boys were meant to be obsessed with.

They were both just stupid kids who couldn't communicate properly to save their lives, because they had never learned how.

As a child, Emira ranged from a mild bully to an indifferent co-star, to an acquaintance of Hunter's. As an adult, she was the close friend in his Instagram comments section who kept hitting on his wife.

She still never figured out boys, but she figured out herself.

But again, getting ahead of ourselves.

Despite being the only two teenagers on set, Hunter and Emira did not spend much time together unless they were working. Once she settled down and stopped causing problems, Emira spent a lot of her time across the studio to visit her little sister, who was filming some preteen comedy show.

Hexside it was called. Some some vapid sugary husk of a television production that had magic and witches, yet not an ounce of dignity. Hunter had become quite a ruthless critic when it came to TV and film, mostly because he had spent his whole life in the company of a man with sky high standards.

It also helped him feel better about his own work as an actor. The glass half full method. Maybe the Golden Guard was not going to be the most brilliant show of all time, but at least he wasn't working on Hexside.

He had caught glimpses of Emira's sister a few times around the studio, mostly because her hair had been dyed a bright garish teal, so she was impossible to miss.

There were other cast members scattered about, you could usually tell from the explosion of layers and clashing patterns they were dressed in. Chunky belts, brightly coloured converse, weird pointy hats, jangly jewelry. They were a visual overload.

On one occasion, Hunter was waiting in line at the canteen. He was feeling lightheaded again, like if he didn't eat something in the next hour he would probably pass out while shooting. The last time that happened, it was really embarrassing.

He was a little zoned out, so he didn't pay them much attention at first. But then the poofy tutu-like skirt and zebra print leggings caught his eye, if only for him to wonder how in the Lord's name these young actors ever signed up for this ridiculous show.

It was a girl and a boy and their conversation entailed some familiar words and names that Hunter hadn't heard said in months.

Ah. The movie. The swoony teen girl movie. That had just released in theaters, hadn't it?

That's when the girl brazenly stated "I wanna sink my teeth into Sir William," successfully knocking Hunter straight out of the realm of sensibility.

What. In the name of all that is holy. Is that supposed to mean???

And also.....he's Sir William.

"You want to BITE ME??" Hunter finds himself blurting out, completely flummoxed. Was that a threat of violence? Did she not like his performance? Did she find his voice annoying like those other film critics? He used to get a lot of death threats for that when he was younger but...

It didn't really sound like a death threat. It was was just....absurd. How was he supposed to take this?

The girl whipped around, flashing Hunter with a very bright pair of green eyes. They were blown wide in panic, and she looked at him like he was the one about to bite her.

(He wasn't about to bite her.)

The girl wasn't tall, but she was big. Broad shoulders and a thick chubby build. Her face was rounder than he usually saw in young actresses, and her nose was wide and flat.

All he could really think as he was digesting these all details at once was....she was interesting to look at.

Hunter watched as a fluorescent shade of pink burned across her lightly freckled cheeks and the girl scurried away, flanked by the younger boy, calling after her.

For some reason, Hunter turned around to watch her leave until she was completely out of sight.

He was left more confused than ever.

What did he do that deserved biting? He never found out.

(Well, he found out eventually but....)

He continued to see that girl around the studio sometimes, as well as the young boy that accompanied her, and Emira's little sister.

The bigger girl usually tried to hide whenever she saw him, though Hexside's flamboyant wardrobe department made that nearly impossible. Hunter presumed she was embarrassed by what she said, though he really wasn't all that offended. He had heard way worse. The thing that drew his attention to her was actually the lengths she would go to to make herself invisible. He watched her dive under a table once.

Hunter usually just stared, not remembering until an hour later that embarrassed people don't like being stared at.

Eventually, Hunter and Emira started spending occasional school hours with the Hexside cast's tutor, which resulted in them all being lumped in a room together.

Her name was Willow Park, he learned. And with a little exposure therapy, she stopped blushing every time he was within ten feet of her. Though they still never really talked, she seemed to become a little more comfortable with his existence.

She didn't look at him much though. Or anybody for that matter. She seemed to be very guarded and closed off whenever they were in the school room. Hunter had also noticed that the tutor had to spend more time with her than anyone else.

But Willow Park was not currently where Hunter's head was at the moment. He had other things to deal with.

The recent Golden Guard script had been delivered to Hunter and did not really like what it had to say.

Apparently several episodes of the romantic tension that Hunter and Emira were famously bad at was finally coming to fruition in this big grand dramatic kiss scene.

Hunter did not think about kissing much because it made him feel very weird and squirmy, but he was always well aware that if he was ever kissing a girl anytime soon, it would probably be circumstances like this.

His opinion on romance in general is that he wasn't quite sure if it was something that could really happen in real life or if it was just a concept made up for TV.

First kisses were considered a milestone in the shows and magazines Hunter had secretly devoured. Something sacred and significant. It can't be with just anyone.

Admittedly, it had Hunter second guessing himself a little bit. Is his first kiss important? Or is that just a bunch of silly TV fluff with no grounds in reality?

It doesn't matter if it's Emira, does it? He's read books where first kisses are supposed to feel like you've been electrocuted. But in a good way. He can't imagine being electrocuted in a good way.

He gets his answer on the day of shooting when the kiss is ordered of him.

He should be grateful that they've been directed to keep it chaste. They both wear rings after all, and this is a family show.

Hunter squeezed his eyes shut, because eyes are always shut when people kiss in movies. And his mouth pricks Emira's mouth. And that's it. That's his first kiss over and done with.

And when he opens his eyes, a little underwhelmed and vaguely wondering why everything feels the exact same, Emira looks disappointed too.

That's when he realizes that the significance of first kisses is all lights and cameras. It's made up for TV. None of it is real.

But what he can't understand in the moment is why he feels a bit sad. There's no reason to feel sad.

But it's an annoyingly heavy emotion that sticks with him for the rest of the day.

They do a million shoots. Or what feels like a million. Hunter kisses Emira what feels like a million times. He had gone from having never kissed before to having kissed far too many times in one day.

And not a single kiss felt like anything but the usual emptiness that Hunter was used to.

During shooting breaks, he thought a little too much about how everything was just going to be like this. Forever. All of his experiences. Scripted. Made up. Not real.

Nothing was ever going to be real.

He didn't usually think about things like that. But now he was finding it hard to think about anything else.

Hunter couldn't sleep that night. You would think he'd sleep soundly when he had to get up before the crack of dawn, but he continued to struggle. Too much caffeine, too much brain bees that never shut up.

Tonight it was that one single thought of an entirely artificial lifetime.

Hunter was never going to be real.

After hours of restless tossing and turning, he left his bed and went downstairs, his footsteps expertly navigating across the creaky floorboards. He would watch something terrible on TV and he'd get so distracted by hating it that he'd forget his own problems.

After pushing a button, the first thing that appeared on Hunter's screen was a familiar girl's rounder than average face and bright green eyes.

Apparently, the Hexside Pilot had premiered recently. Hunter scoffed, making himself comfortable and deliberately tuning into whatever brain rotting stuff he was about to experience.

Unsurprisingly, he hated it. It was terrible. Cheap jokes. Flimsy plots. An obnoxious laugh track. He had never seen a worse show in his life.

Nothing is real, I'm not real, I'm not real, Nothing is real, I'm not real....

The costumes looked just as ridiculous on screen as they did in the studio.

Nothing is real....

The sets were cheap.

I'm not real....

Hunter abruptly paused mid laugh track, and stared at Willow Park's interesting face for an additional moment.

He knew absolutely nothing about this girl. Absolutely nothing.

The character she played was borderline illiterate, and Hunter genuinely could not say how much of her he was seeing was a script and how much was her.

But she was very lookable.

Are you real?

#tw child abuse #a lot of it!!!!! #tw for....belos in general #how do i even tag this. he's really creepy and it delves into a few uncomfortable subjects #some very weird policing of teenage bodies. it is meant to be weird i promise you #tw religious trauma #THATS IT!!! that is certainly a thing that is happening #La La Land Machine AU

[sendmetosanfran]

Let Me Try Again pt. 2

Muriel guarded the front desk while Crowley and Aziraphale spoke in the back. Despite him knowing what the other angels had said, Aziraphale was still the archangel. Besides, Heaven thought that he had just come back down because he missed his bookshop. They had yet to learn that a new plan was being made. Muriel had been told to follow Aziraphale’s orders. So, there was no chance of them telling on the pair.

“Oh, what are we supposed to do about this?” Aziraphale questioned. He had taken to searching old Bibles as if that would do him any good. Obviously, it wouldn’t have instructions on how to stop the second coming. Crowley was seated next to him with his arms overlapping on the table. He had his chin propped on his arms.

“Not sure, Angel,” he replied with a drowsy tone. Despite not needing sleep, Crowley was rather fond of it. He shifted slightly to get more comfortable.

“Crowley, I can’t do this alone,” Aziraphale stated. The demon sat up and looked over at him. There was a distinct look of worry etched across the angel’s face.

“What’s the first step of this plan? The second coming?” Crowley questioned as he got more comfortable but kept his gaze on Aziraphale.

“They intend to find a woman to carry the child. I heard them say something about finding a woman as pure as Mary,” he replied. Crowley scoffed at that.

“Well, that isn’t going to happen. The way Heaven looks at things now, being born is its own sin,” Crowley stated. Aziraphale looked displeased with the comment. That couldn’t be true.

“Don’t you think you’re exaggerating a bit?” He asked, closing the bible. Crowley shrugged. The demon knew what he was saying wasn’t exactly true, but that’s what it felt like some days.

“You get a say in the woman, don’t you?” he questioned. Aziraphale nodded and watched Crowley lean back in his seat, arms crossed over his chest. “Point out what the women have done wrong. Can’t have a woman as pure as Mary if the archangel points out her sins.”

“I suppose that might work. Although, it does feel a bit rude. Should I really be judging people so harshly? Faults are what make humans… Well, human,” Aziraphale answered. Crowley did appreciate how considerate Aziraphale could be, but that didn’t fit into their plan. He needed his angel to be a bit ruthless.

“Angel, you’re the only one in Heaven that cares for humanity. The rest of them are up there waiting for the end. If you ask me, it’s better to be a bit rude now. So, you can be nice later.”

Aziraphale stopped to think about what Crowley had said. Was it in good faith to postpone the world's end to spread goodness later? He desperately wanted to believe so. All he had to do was ensure that Heaven never found the perfect woman, and they could go about their life here on Earth. He swallowed thickly before nodding.

“I think you’re right,” he said softly before fiddling with his fingers. He looked downwards, a feeling of hesitation rising in his chest. “But what if I can’t convince them?”

“Then, we’ll think of a new plan. We can think of as many plans as you want, Angel,” Crowley replied. He blinked some of the sleepiness away as he shifted in his seat again. They’d been going back and forth with ideas for hours. He was mildly surprised that Aziraphale hadn’t tried to change the subject. He was used to the angel backing away when he started to get uncomfortable.

Aziraphale glanced up at the demon before looking back down. The feeling in his chest was still there, but he needed to say what he wanted. This couldn’t be put off. If he did, he feared it would be too late. “I think we can put off making any more plans. At least until tomorrow,” Aziraphale stated as he braced himself. “But there’s something that I need to know for sure.”

“What’s that, Angel?” Crowley asked. He stretched and sat up in his seat. He could tell that Aziraphale had something that was truly bothering him, and he wanted to be at full attention.

“Whatever happens between Heaven and hell or even Heaven and Earth… I want to know that we’ll stick together,” Aziraphale stated. He could feel a heat rise to his face as he saw Crowley clenching his jaw. Had he made him angry? It would be perfectly understandable if he had. Aziraphale had run away without him. He was sure that Crowley saw this as a betrayal.

“You know, I’ve been thinking about this,” Crowley stated, a bit of annoyance creeping up in his voice. Aziraphale frowned at the tone. Perhaps Crowley had decided that their alliance didn’t serve him. “Have you?” The angel asked, his nerves rising.

“I have. I thought a lot while you were back in Heaven,” he responded. Would this take a bad turn? “I wondered why you pushed me away, why you ran. You know me better than any being alive and have been my best friend for thousands of years. But you distance yourself from me when things get tough.”

“Crowley, I-,” Aziraphale started but was cut off.

“Hold on, Angel.” Crowley lifted a hand. “I won’t lie. It hurt me. I felt like what I feel for you was completely one-sided, and you only wanted to have some company. Hell is too much for you, and the angels aren’t exactly the friendliest lot. So, you stuck with me as a nice little in-between.”

“And you figured out that wasn’t the truth?” Aziraphale asked. He felt terrible that that was what he had made Crowley believe. At least, that’s not what he thought now.

“I did. I know you want to be good. That’s why you keep coming back to Heaven. They’re supposed to be the good guys,” Crowley stated. He looked away as a lump formed in his throat. The demon couldn’t bear to look at Aziraphale when he said this. “And that’s why I won’t ever be enough. Even if I had gone back to Heaven as an angel, you’d know what I’ve been.”

“W-what?” Aziraphale felt a hollowness in his chest as he saw the sadness in Crowley’s eyes through the side of his sunshades. Crowley swallowed thickly.

“It’s okay, Angel. You’ve never fallen. You’re still good and pure. I’ve been by your side since before the beginning. I’ll be there until the very end, but I won’t force you to do the same,” he said. Aziraphale felt his tears starting to fill his eyes and slipping down the sides. “I don’t expect you to give up your goodness for a demon.”

“Crowley,” Aziraphale choked out. His heart ached at the other man’s words. He needed to make this right. Crowley’s attention snapped to him as Aziraphale slipped from his chair to kneel before him. The angel took his hand in both of his and rubbed his thumbs over the knuckles softly. “I’ve taken you for granted, my dear,” Aziraphale stated. Crowley attempted to pull his hand away but wasn’t allowed to. “Please, let me say what I need to.”

“…Alright,” Crowley replied. His voice was strained.

“It’s true that I’ve been afraid of falling from grace. Being an angel is all I’ve ever known, and I’ve pushed my luck so many times by going against Heaven’s plans. But, never for a second think that I’ve thought less of you for being a demon. You’ve been a loyal friend for centuries. That’s more than I can say for anyone in the world, Crowley. You hate when I say that you’re nice.”

“Bollocks,” Crowley muttered as he turned his head away. Still, he let his hand rest in Aziraphale’s.

“Please, dear. Just listen. I know that you’re kind and nice because I can see it. I can feel it. I’ve been the recipient of your goodwill so many times. And I’ve watched you perform little acts of kindness you think no one notices. Well, I notice. I know the wonderful being that you are, and I swear to never take you for granted again.” Crowley looked back at him with wide eyes.

“You know angels aren’t supposed to swear,” Crowley stated with a half-smirk. Still, a wet trail formed on his cheek as his eyes welled over.

“I don’t care anymore. I swear to show you my appreciation. And I swear to be just as loyal of a friend to you as you have to me until the very end. It’s what you deserve, my dear. Give me a chance. Let me try again.” Crowley felt like he would break as Aziraphale pressed his lips against his knuckles. He could feel the softness of his lips.

“T-that’s enough of that, Angel,” Crowley said, tugging Aziraphale’s hand. The angel rose enough to be at eye level with Crowley. Their eyes flickered over the other’s face, unsure of what they were searching for. Aziraphale leaned in and pressed his lips against the tear trail. The salty taste slipped over his tongue as he raised a hand to caress the cheek after he pulled away. His thumb ran over Crowley’s cheekbone, wiping away the rest of the moisture. Crowley swallowed thickly, realizing he had a white knuckle grip on Aziraphale’s hand. He never thought he would have the angel here so close. Now that he was here, he didn’t want to let him go. But was he hurting him?

“I’m sorry that I ever made you feel that way,” Aziraphale stated as Crowley loosened his grip. He could finally breathe again as the angel moved back to his seat. However, their hands stayed intertwined.

“S’alright. You didn’t know, Angel.” He cleared his throat, his heart beginning to calm down. “Besides, you’ve made some pretty big promises. I think that makes up for it.”

“They may be big promises, but I meant every word, my dear,” Aziraphale stated as he pressed one last kiss to Crowley’s knuckles. “I’ll never make you feel badly about yourself ever again.”

#good omens #Crowley #Aziraphale #angst #kiss #emotions #ineffable husbands #fanfic

[lavender--fairy]

The Nervous Breakdown

The Nervous Breakdown

“The true vine (and what creates your circumstance) is your own wonderful human imagination. When you believe this you will no longer imagine as you formerly did, but will prune your thoughts every minute of every day*. You will break the habit of feeling remorseful, depressed, or regretful. You will no longer think unkindly about another, because you will know that he is actually yourself pushed out, and appeared in your world because the Father in you called him.” –* Neville "You are dreaming. If you try to make your dream come true while doubting its possibility, you are heading toward a nervous breakdown*. But if you go all out in your wonderful claim, you will fulfill it, for all things are possible to the God you are, for you are the God of whom the Bible speaks." -* Neville

I want to draw your attention to why people have anxiety in regards to manifesting. Notice what Neville says, "Doubting its possibility." This is true.

I cannot begin to tell you how many times I had a nervous breakdown with practicing these teachings. Many of you think of me as a good teacher or someone who understands this information, but I am telling you, I have failed more times that I care to admit. I honestly feel that I have made every mistake Neville speaks about and some. Sometimes I read them and I laugh to myself because I remember when I did that.

What Neville is saying here is 100% true. Every time I had horrible anxiety about my desire, it was because of 2 things:

I doubted that it could come to pass. I desperately wanted it to come but I doubted it could. I lived on "hope" which made me feel anxious. Why did I doubt? Because I would tell myself all the reasons why it could not happen, it seemed "too far-fetched."

I looked to the outside all day long for signs or confirmation that what I want is either coming or is possible.

Now, this is thinking-of your desire. This is hoping it will come. Hope is a great thing. Hope is desire. But,

"hope deferred makes the heart go sick, but a desire fulfilled is the tree of life." - Pslam 13:12

Hope is your desire, but it up to you to fulfill it.

Now, let's look at the opposite. This is "thinking-from" your desire which will cause you peace and ease.

I know it will come to pass. I know it will because Consciousness is the only reality, and what I do in consciousness it will be duplicated here. You assume NOT for it to be so, but because it IS so.

I only look within for confirmation. It is my Word over everything. If I say I Am within, then I Am.

Notice in the first quote Neville says that remorseful, depressive and regretful thinking is habitual. It is. It truly is habit. There is not logical reason why you should dwell on past mistakes and past hurts all day long. It is habitual to think this way. Neville is saying you break this habitual thinking when you prune the vine. The best way to prune your vine is to assume a new thought and know it to be so. You know you have accepted when you feel the joy it brings or relief.

Now, do not mistake this for"faking" it. I am totally against the idea of "fake it till you make it." The reason I am against it is because there is no reason to. Anyone who tells you to do that simply does not know enough information on the Law.

You will not have to fake anything when you have a firm understanding on consciousness being the only reality.

When you understand these teachings on a deep level and the only way to get deep is to test it, you will be able to bring yourself into the States you want on command. Neville tells you this, that with practice, over time you will be able to change States (attitudes) when you want.

For example, I was at dinner recently, and I felt unconfident and I felt anxious to be there. I did not have time to lay down and do a meditation or induce a state akin to sleep. But since I have been doing this daily for a while now, I am able to change my feeling quickly. I am able with no words, change how I feel inside and I will act on it quickly. I went from feeling unconfident and anxious to confident knowing I can answer can questions and comfortable knowing I do not need approval from men, with no words. I can stop the anxiousness and switch it to what I want. There are times where it is more challenging and I do have to sit and contemplate on what is happening within me.

The more you test it, the more you start to trust yourself.

Again, it IS so. Not is will be one day in the future. It IS so.

Neville stresses that time and time again. It is that little distinction that can make a huge difference.

cr:Edwardartsupplyhands

#lavendiary #manifesting #manifestation #law of assumption #master manifestor #motivation #neville goddard #loa blog #loa motivation #law of manifestation #law #edwardart

[three-cheers-for-my-balls]

MY FAVORITE RTC QUOTES

when you've been alone as long as i have, you tend to anthropomorphize your friends. (karnak)

-If you believe both armrests are yours exclusively, you are part of the problem. (karnak)

-even in competition against yourself, you can still walk away a loser (ocean)

-he was inspired by traditional african folk music, specifically the lion king (constance)

-raise a middle finger to that most ruthless adjudicator called time (karnak)

-i hope i wiped my browser history clean (constance)

-democracy rocks! (ocean)

-i trade mostly in prophecies that dont make any sense until they actually do (karnak)

-even in death i can't escape her- she's followed me to the afterlife! (noel)

-well played satan, well played (noel)

being the only gay man in a small rural highschool is like having a laptop in the stone ages. sure you can have one but theres nowhere to plug it in (noel)

When a lioness has children, she sops making love to the lion. the lion gets jealous, sometimes so jealous he eats the children. You think this would upset the lioness. far from it. they make love again like the children never existed. (jane/penny)

-noooo i cant get any wifi up in this bitch (mischa)

-my gansta persona is only armour to conceal the fact that i am naked child wandering through the wilderness holding in my hands my wounded fragile heart (mischa)

-that was wack (mischa)

-i dont know how it is in your culture but in ours, playing games with peoples lives? super illegal (ocean)

-if its yellow, let it mellow. if its brown scoop it out with your hand and put it in the compost (karnak)

-some people are right wing, some people are left wing but last time i checked it takes 2 wings to fly. we are community we are family, we are the world (ocean)

-what you need is a fother-mucking hero (ocean)

-your cousin was in grade 4 he had to get his stomach pumped (ocean)

-you challenged my preconcieved notion that all gay dudes are fun to be around (ocean)

-OHHHH sweet jesus christ. on a bike. (noel)

-its like a slurpee woodstock (noel)

-a s.xual provacetour and a novelist. who never wrote a novel. or had sex (noel)

-GOD DAMMIT CAN YOU KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS FOR ONE SECOND YOU HORRIBLE SUCCUBUS (noel)

-that was DOOOOOPEE YOOOOO (mischa)

-mad wicked awesome! (mischa)

-fornication under consent of the king (jane/penny)

-in my country it is natural for 2 men to show affection by kissing… not always in heels (mischa)

-theres a difference between affection and smut (ocean)

-not in my bible baby, bonsoir (noel)

mine will only have profanity in chorus (mischa)

-little orphan a hole (mischa)

-teen sex? kills (ocean)

-porno is magical (ricky)

whattt just because im all gangsta dont automatically make me homophobic. its not cool to be homophobe in rap game anymore since macklemore dropped same love. that sh.t was emotionally devastativing yo. (mischa)

he turned to the last fashion of pure stregnth and masculinity in society, self agrandizing commercialized hiphop (karnak)

grab yo dicks if you in the 306 bruh (mischa)

-autotune will never die (mischa)

-my rage has subsided, i am vulnerable now (mischa)

and that is why not everybody should have a library card! and you should vote for me (ocean)

and this is why you both SUCKED at math (ocean)

-on the other hand, given the context of german history, being a party spoiler might be a good thing. (karnak)

-i guess you could say im pretty sexy on another planet (ricky)

i told you moneky lovedrop (ricky)

-life is hard enough without making up reasons to be dicks to each other (ricky)

-incredible~ (ricky)

-theres only one commandment in the bachelor man bible: dont be a dick (ricky)

-we listen to you now space jesus (mischa)

#ride the cyclone #mischa bachinski #noel gruber #ocean o'connell rosenberg #constance blackwood #ricky potts #penny lamb #jane doe rtc #karnak

[grimsdeadb0nes]

Let's talk Zeti powers?

In the previous @sonic-oc-showdown, I made a personal-in-mind note of when @nintendoni-art went over Zori's powerset and the mentioning of the Zeti as a race being fairly OP in their own right! Which.... You're not wrong, when you look at it/read about it or just watch them; H o w e v e r Now it's my turn with Zenyx if you dont mind ;3c

As a forewarning, I have my own personal lore (and even a bibble (bible)!) about all things Zeti, so what I present to you may be a smidge different, though I try not to change things too drastically! This is most definitely going to be a bit long (as I will DEFINITELY end up rambling!), so everything'll be under the cut!!

(I will include or reblog some art for this at some point, im just a bit too tired to make anything new rn to accompany it! ;w;)

Let's start with (or I suppose a reminder of!) the base list of what the Zeti are capable of, shall we?

--- and BOY are they Capable <3 ---

Heightened abilities such as Enhanced Speed, Strength, and Durability- and im sure Agility is somewhere in there too! While they may seem enhanced to an average mobian, keep in mind that these (albeit still varying) levels of speed, strengths, and durability are normal to the Zeti themselves! This is like a general average to them, so it's no wonder they happen to see (most) mobians as lesser since their 'average' tends to be much lower. It takes alot to take down even one of these beastly oni, regardless if they're alone or stand as a pack! Well.. if you're not Sonic, I guess! and a metallic virus isn't plaguing the land and people-

Along with these enhanced abilities comes also Longevity; with vast lifespans reaching over 1,000 years at least! They likely experience time differently- in a sense where 1-2 years means little to nothing to them but instead 10-20 years might instead- due to such long lives. Buuut thats just a guess by me. The Zeti will likely be the only still living parts of Sonic's life (Shadow and any bots like Omega and Gemerl aside) by the time Silver's borne time occurs- and I fully believe even Zik is probably still going to be kicking by then too. He's a healthy lil ol' man, I believe in him!

-

An interesting feat they're capable of as well is Energy Projection; Said energy can often vary in color depending on the user, along with what the energy forms as- whether that be tethers, orbs, spikes, or projectiles of some sort! I can only imagine other ways are possible too! However, In game, the first time we see Energy Projection used is in Master Zik's first boss fight- Zazz nor Zomom used the ability (or even acted capable of doing so) until much later (the boss rushes in the final few stages). And yet, going forward from Master Zik's boss fights, we start to see the others using the ability in some form or another. Now you can either chalk this up to "maybe zazz and zom are incompetent there" but I think, rather, its simply due to the power boost they're getting from the syphoned world energy from eggman's machine.. which just seems obvious to me. (Well that, and I think maybe Zik is just capable of it regardless bc he's Old 'n' Wisened and its easier for him or something bc he's experienced idk; let the old man be cool!!!!) In the various cutscenes during Tropical Coast, them turning on the machine is one of them after all! AND its after Zik's first boss fight, so more fuel to my fire. So slipping in some hc here; Energy Projection seems to be a technique only capable by those with well-trained experience under their belt (Master Zik) or those getting some sort of Power Boost- like in LW with the energy extractor OR the Chaos Emeralds during the Metal Virus (IDW) (though iirc only Zeena uses her energy projection (tethers) I think).

-

Another capability of this race is their ability to use Electromagnetic Manipulation; the base power any and all Zeti can have, to varying degrees if trained im sure. Essentially this means any devices that require an electric charge or are connected to an electrically compounded grid can and will be fucked up or messed with by a Zeti’s varying capabilities on command, unless EM shielded or the Zeti themself is being suppressed (i.e temporarily by the Cacophonic Conch, or by Tails’ “Zeti Zappers” in IDW). Be it taking control of bots n badniks to simply opening electronic locks and doors. Devices such as Extreme Gear are also not safe, sorry! We've seen in various instances that this can be a ranged ability, as all Six of them perform it flawlessly this way when taking control and turning the tables.

-

And now we're at an ability I would LOVE to argue about, actually!

So depending on which version of Lost World you play, be it the WiiU/PC or 3DS version, some of them are seemingly Flight Capable. Though even regardless of version, some of them will sorta float here and there for whatever reason. I will give Zor a pass here and i'll explain why later, but I just can't see it, Im sorry! 😂 Despite everything else they're capable of, full on Flight of some degree just aint hittin' with me- so! Im gesturing forward a headcanon or two of mine to replace it, as it feels more likely to me! Yes we're hitting Headcanon Territory! (To each their own tho! If you like the silly flight idea, more power to ya!)

Advantage over Gravity! Or at least the Hex's gravity! The gravity on the Hex seems to be much weirder/lighter(??) than down below on the Surface- given all the floating landmasses and whatnot- meaning the Zeti can often take easy advantage of this depending on the biome or the space for it. In some places and to some people, this can come off as almost a type of “flight” ability, but they aren’t actually flying! They’re simply maintaining air and prolonging their jumps. Their jumps are often skillful and light, flighty and maneuverable. That being said, they’re jumping and acrobatic skills are very powerful! Though of course still various from person to person. However, again due to the Hex’s weird likely lighter(?) gravity, that might mean that if on the Surface Below, the Zeti (or in our case, the D6 due to IDW) may feel a bit weird or heavier than usual, which may or may not affect their usual ease of jumping/etc.

-

There's a few other things in my bibble I go over, but i'll jump ahead to a more rare capability from the looks of it- that being 'Elements'; and okay while its not technically an Element element, it's close enough to ME. Im of course talking about specific Powers of Manipulation- namely Zor's Umbrakinesis / Darkness Manipulation for example. It's easy to hc that theres absolutely other manipulations, like fire/pyrokinesis and water/hydrokinesis and all that, and BOY do I have a long list of them, but I will shrimply not delve too deep into it! The point is, I think it's safe to assume that some Zeti likely have these types of powers- albeit not very commonly! Zor's is described as "an interest in the dark arts that none of the others dare to dabble in", so its alittle unclear if he was born with these powers or not canonically? But I like to think he most likely was. And back from my 'flight argument' before and why i'll give Zor a thin-ice pass; within the abilities of his Umbrakinesis, I do think this may have an interesting effect on him; sometimes making him "weightless" and why he might be able to "fly" or float around sometimes. It's not that he's flying, it's more just his powers giving him a little extra fun if he's focusing enough.

-

So Yeah! The Zeti may be a wee bit OP in their own right, but I think they deserve it- who doesnt love silly unbelievably strong evil creatures?

-

Now In Zenyx's case...

Zenyx naturally has the enhanced Speed, Strength, and Durability- likely being awfully close to rivaling Zavok himself in two of those and surpassing him in one- along with the Gravity Advantage (and Longevity is a given), however, everything else listed needs alittle more explanation on what she's capable of.

Infact, when it comes to Energy Projection- she is incapable of this feat! She can't seem to do it, no matter how hard she tries or how long she went through sessions with Master Zik about it! Regardless if she has a power boost or not! (Not that she likes taking/using boosts of any sort usually anyway, but still). Though when brought up, Zursie does try to put her granbby to ease, as Zursie isn't capable of it either! and neither is Zenyx's father. That being said, I do also hc that not EVERYONE can do it, but its a case of 'more likely of being able to than not', it just takes diligent training usually... usually. SO Zenyx is just the odd one out here out of the Six.

Another specific with her is the Electromagnetic Manipulation; While the rest of the Six are seen to easily do it from a ranged point, Zenyx herself seems to have trouble doing it from a distance. Instead, she has to make physical contact with whatever it is she wants to mess with or control! She just has to give something a lil touch of the hand or even just a finger tap for a connection to be made. If its a badnik for example, if she gives it a lil touch and makes a connection, she can then send it on its merry way to do as she "told" it to. Her not being able to do it from a ranged point seems to confuse most of the others, though Master Zik insists she likely just needs to work on it to better "unlock" the ability. It's likely usual for one to have the ranged ability off the bat, but perhaps sometimes being able to do so just needs to be trained upon instead. She'll get it down someday!

---

And now for something wholly specific to Zenyx! For context, in my bibble, under the 'Manipulation' based powers, I then have an 'Affinities' section; which is more or less just other types of powers, like Healing for example.

Zenyx has what is known as Beast Blood- getting it from her dad, and him getting it from Zursie, and her getting it from her dad, and him getting it from his dad, and so on and so on. Beast Blood, also sometimes known as Wild Blood, is what makes some Zeti better capable of Beast Keeping.... but also the unique yet concerning capability of "Going Feral". And no, I dont mean feral like im sure alot of people think Zazz sometimes behaves; it's not a basic bad behavior, it's a whole different level of being and mindset in this case. You do not want to cause Zenyx to go Feral, you really dont, it will NOT be pretty. Mercy is not in this state-of-being's vocabulary, you WILL get bitten into and likely MAULED if you are not careful! I Am Not Joking! They will get wild, snarling and hissing and roaring and their eyes change and they are not okay! They very much become Beasts in their own right!!! The downside (upside?) to coming out of a feral break though is typically a massive headache or an ache throughout the body, something similar to instant fatigue- along with hoping they didnt rip into anyone they care about. Its been shown by at least one other zeti in the past that the above downside can be bypassed by trained tolerance, but that guy was a masochistic asshole so who cares. Zursie insists to just try not to give in to it too often,,,

On a lighter note; they tend to have a much much easier time making a deeper connection with the beasts and critters around them like mentioned before (Beasts like Sandworms and those Swamp Crocs (called 'Surprise Crocodiles' in game apparently) and smaller critters like Animal Friends/Wisps/Chao for examples); and because of this, alot of people will be wiry at crossing one with Beast Blood, because you never know what kind of creature they might call for to kick your ass if you upset/threaten them! Sometimes its observed that Ferals actually tend to be alot more empathetic & sympathetic than usual Zeti tend to be if at all, but maybe thats just a Zenyx/Zursie thing. That might definitely just be a Zenyx/Zursie thing....

Beast Blood is a fairly very rare trait, with very few bloodlines having it; Zenyx's family line being one of them. Which is probably good... because it's capable of being really fucking scary sometimes 😭 Those with this beastly trait tend to be called Feral/Ferals, though it's usually used in a derogatory way unfortunately.

also fun semi-unrelated note that i've yet to be able to draw; Zenyx will, can, and does usually run around on all fours alot- i swear i will make this visually work someday! She is a very wild lil creechur dont mind her It's not like she was alone for the first 120 years of her life, what do you expect really?

#bone rattling #very long bone rattling #its sort of just a long ramble im so sorry guys #i hope its somewhat comprehensible #zeti #zeti oc #zenyx #zenyx the zeti #zeti hcs? #i love the zeti they're so stupid powerful but continue to get beat by a lil blue pincushion #though those few panels in Zeti Hunt were very 👀 #tho its sonic- this guy has taken out eldritch gods and ancient beings left and right; what are the zeti to him by that standard really? #hope my ramble wasnt too boring😭 #if we get a daily question about what powers our ocs have im just gonna refer to this im sorry for jumping ahead in that case 😭

[historia-vitae-magistras]

I'm doing reading at the moment for American Civil War and Canadian Confederation stuff and I just need to go key smash a little so pardon this but I've got Canada's peace, order, and good government versus America's life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness stuck in my head now and it's driving me mad because... Well. Talk about parallels eh.

I was wondering if you consider it a good way to distinguish between Alfred and Matthew's approach to nationhood and their own lives in general, or do you think that was something more imposed on them rather than something they genuinely believe in? More Matt really. I'm sure Alfred believes in the latter wholeheartedly. I'm just not sure I buy Matt being that much more conservative than his brother, if that makes sense.

Ahhh very good question. So, in my opinion and read on Canadian history, the words themselves don't quite do the best job defining them and their approach to nationhood, but the interpretations of events and history and other factors that created the situations those phrases came from do.

There is some belief in Matt that fits the aims of 'peace, order and good government' but less because of any sort of British/Tory style conservatism or conservatism as in his reservedness than out of political compromise and certain demographic realities. There are two themes running through Canadian history. 1.) Keep the Americans out. 2.) Keep the Franucks in. Canadians and Canadian politicians looked at the American Civil War and drew the obvious lesson for themselves. The South ceded based on slavery, and efforts to create a Canada out of a handful of colonies had to include the French Canadians because we were still closer to half the population back then than the fifth we are now. Mechanisms had to be built into the new country from the get-go to help guarantee coherent and lasting unity.

Americans love to insist that Canada and the US are identical and Quebec is just French Texas or some other comparison with only surface accuracy but there are inherent differences between the two countries that Matt has to acknowledge. He doesn't have the advantages Alfred has of a country that can eat its own contradictions constantly and live. If he wants to survive in a condition that won't get him annexed or broken and consumed piecemeal by the United States, he has to put emphasis on law, order and both external and internal diplomacy. America fought and survived a Civil War, and Canada turned itself inside out to prevent one. Our motto is sea to sea latinate shit from the bible, but it should be "A good compromise leaves everyone angry." And 'peace, order and good government' is the result of that compromise between French and Anglo and the pro-British and pro-American and pro-'fuck all of you I just want to bring in the wheat'.

Matt values peace and compromises far more than Alfred. He views the world in shades of grey. Alfred and his idealism and power mean he has always felt the ability to do the right thing and always had faith he is doing the right thing, especially in comparison to his father and the British Empire in general. Matt, however, sees him and Arthur as practically the same.

Tldr: The British and American empires are blackholes. 'Peace, order and good government' is the cost of Matt keeping his center of gravity in a position to pull off the necessary maneuvers to keep himself from being sucked in and destroyed.

#the ask box || probis pateo #Alfred and Matt || lonely boys with the longest borders #matthew || my country is winter #alfred || o beautiful for spacious skies #Arthur || stone set in the silver sea #does this make sense? i hope it makes sense #its something ive thought about but not really put into words

[blushcoloreddreams]

Good tidings! I'd like to ask about how you maintain time for prayer/worship while being a med student and likely very busy--it's so impressive you're doing everything at once and I've love some advice if you're willing! Thank you~ ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧

Hi! Thanks you so much for the kind words! I’d like to start this by saying that my routine is far from perfect, it’s not every day that I can accomplish everything I planned on and I have my bad days as well. Remember that what you see on the internet is only the portion of people’s lives they choose to share so please don’t compare yourself but here’s a list of things that help:

1. Consistency over perfection

In the modern world we have a lot going on, and sometimes we are not going to be able to do everything and that’s ok! I know that sometimes we see Christian influencers going to church multiple times a week, doing over and hour long bible studies and having this elaborate prayer routine and even if that is truly beautiful it’s not achievable for all of us. A little heartfelt prayer before bed or just an “Our Father” when you wake up is better than nothing at all. Also don’t let these days that you can’t do it feel like you are less worthy of God’s love or that you should just stray away from religion because you were not able to dedicate as much time as you wanted to. To quote St. Thérèse of Lisieux

Remember that nothing is small in the eyes of God. Do all that you do with love

2. Have a routine

Routines are the best way to build habits, open a space in your routine to pray. As stated before it doesn’t need to be something huge, as a kid I’d start my mornings with the triad of « Our Father », « Hail Mary » and the Guardian Angel’s prayer followed by a more personal prayer with the things I was thankful for and my intentions/ wishes for the day, and when I grew up I also added the Apostles creed. Its not as long as it seems and it’s enough to set the day. I like to do it in an morning because it’s a moment i have for myself without the rush of studying and my routine has started. Take your holy day seriously, if you are Catholic really go to church on Sundays, if you are Protestant it might be Saturdays, but this weekly moments with God will make a difference. When you have extra time longer prayers like praying the rosary and taking some time reading the Bible is great. You can find a lot of yearly bible reads planners, dividing it in 365 chunks makes it feel way more feasible than trying to speed run it, and already moving to the next top if you compromise to do it with someone it will also be easier and more fun.

3. Have Christian friends

One of the things that really helps me is one of my best friends, she’s not only very knowledgeable about theology but she introduced me to a other young people and also from other ages that shared the same faith as me. It’s great to have someone you can be with in your religious journey. I love going to mass, praying the rosary and doing bible studies with them or even just sharing silly Catholic memes, books (Catholic or not) and experiences. Having people around you that you can talk about more spiritual things and be with you when you are drifting away is one of the things that will really lighten that path for you. It in your personal life (school, work etc etc) you don’t have a lot of friends like that church groups are a way you can meet new people like you

#personal #level up #christian girl #christian faith #catholiscism #catholic #traditional femininity #femininity #personal development #feminine #tradwoman #feminine energy #religion #daily routine

[walkswithmyfather]

“‘In the last days,’ God says, ‘I will pour out my Spirit upon all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy. Your young men will see visions, and your old men will dream dreams. In those days I will pour out my Spirit even on my servants—men and women alike— and they will prophesy.’” —Acts 2:17‭-‬18 (NLT)

“If you [really] love Me, you will keep and obey My commandments. And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby), to be with you forever— the Spirit of Truth, whom the world cannot receive [and take to its heart] because it does not see Him or know Him, but you know Him because He (the Holy Spirit) remains with you continually and will be in you.” —John 14:15‭-‬17 (AMP)

“For God speaks again and again, though people do not recognize it. He speaks in dreams, in visions of the night, when deep sleep falls on people as they lie in their beds. He whispers in their ears and terrifies them with warnings. He makes them turn from doing wrong; he keeps them from pride. He protects them from the grave, from crossing over the river of death.” —Job 33:14‭-‬18 (NLT)

“Who Is The Holy Spirit? The Holy Spirit is God living inside of you, speaking into your thoughts and leading you closer to Him. He's always encouraging you to not only do the right thing but also the God thing. He's there to help you make choices and take actions that will change your life.”

“Who is the Holy Spirit?” By Switch (Life.church):

“Picture this: You’re on a road trip, and you’re mindlessly scrolling through Instagram with music blaring through your headphones. Suddenly, you pass through the middle of nowhere and you lose your cell signal. Sure enough, Spotify cuts out, the music stops, your feed is frozen, and you’re left to your own thoughts. No music. No more texting. In the midst of your technological desolation, you remember the car has a radio. With the tap of a button, music fills your car.

Radios feel like magic. In desolate places where smartphones are useless, a reliable, old radio can tap into the invisible signals all around us and fill our silence with music. At the turn of a knob, you can shuffle from Ariana to Drake. Maybe even mix in a little Luke Bryan—maybe not. No buffering. No dead batteries. Just voices pulled from thin air.

The Holy Spirit feels sort of magical too, maybe even a little spooky. He’s everywhere. He’s watching you read this right now. Weird, right? The air around you is filled with the invisible noise of God’s voice, and like a radio, you were built to hear it and relay His thoughts to people through your own words and actions.

Most people miss this, but God wants to speak to you. Did you catch that? He wants to speak to you, and He built you to hear His voice. He doesn’t usually speak out loud, but His voice comes from inside of you. It takes practice to learn how to separate your own thoughts from His voice, and different people hear Him in different ways.

Sometimes, the Holy Spirit sounds like thoughts in your head. Sometimes, He drops in a mental picture. Other times, He gives you a dream that just feels different. Most often, He speaks by illuminating parts of the Bible—reminding you of a verse you’ve read and helping you understand it in a new way.

When Jesus promised He would never leave us alone, the Holy Spirit was the fulfillment of that promise. When you become a Christ follower, the Holy Spirit moves in. We become His house. So, when He speaks, His voice comes from inside you. What if all this time you’ve been hearing His voice without recognizing it?

So, when you’re driving through life and your journey leads you to a dark place where you feel alone and abandoned, know that you’re never really alone. Even when nothing else seems to work, the Holy Spirit is right there with you. With only a thought, He can speak life, hope, strength, joy, and encouragement to you and over you. Even better, if you learn to listen intently, He can help you avoid some of those dark places. Over the next several days, we’ll learn who the Holy Spirit is and why it’s impossible to live a godly life without Him.”

“O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand! I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me.” —Psalm 139:1‭-‬10 (NLT)

#acts 2:17‭-‬18 #john 14:15‭-‬17 #job 33:14‭-‬18 #psalm 139:1‭-‬10 #bible #christian blog #god #belief in god #faith in god #jesus #belief in jesus #faith in jesus #bible verses #bible truths #bible scriptures #bible quotes #bible study #christian life #christian living #christian inspiration #christian encouragement #christian motivation #christian faith #christianity #christian quotes #christian devotionals #life.church #encouragement #keep the faith #make him known

[hiswordsarekisses]

Since I was a little girl I always assumed that I knew what Jesus looked like because of all the pictures I had seen. I will never forget the day I wanted more specifics and I prayed for Him to show me what He looks like now, and the next thing I knew I was reading a description of Him in the first chapter of Revelation.

I had read that description of Him hundreds of times, yet, for some reason what stuck with me instead were the pretty pictures of the handsome dark-haired Jesus. The only “for sure” description we have is in the Bible, and between the Old and New Testaments, He is described with white hair and “eyes like fire.”

This bled over into who I thought His character was as well. Although I read my Bible, I held onto my own version of Him rather than what was actually on the pages - and quite clearly I might add. That day I began praying to know Who He really is. All I want to know is Who He really is.

My desire to know Him was overwhelming enough that I became brave enough to lay down all the things I had been taught to see and all the things *I thought I knew.* Revelation after revelation came flooding to my heart as I would read like I was digging for treasure. This was the most important thing He ever taught me to do in learning to know Him…. Every once in a while I still get a brand new, unmarked Bible and each day I still pray for Him to teach me.

I have Learned so much over the years that is different from what I was convinced that I knew for sure was true. The biggest thing I learned was just like His Word says - it’s when you think you know, that you really know nothing. (1 Cor 8:2)

It’s amazing how openly receiving your heart becomes when, in humility, the truth is all that matters to you.

That is the “love of the truth” that 2 Thessalonians chapter 2 is speaking of, that keeps us safe from deception.

Our journey as a Christian a lot of the time, is letting go of our assumption about who God is and letting it fall away as He replaces it with Who He actually says He is in His own Word. He is not like us. His character is written out in His Word - His Word is His heart written down for us to know Him. If we base our knowledge of Him on the way we think or feel, or on what a human in a pulpit has told us - I guarantee that we do not know Him at all. Unless we abide in His Word daily, prayerfully studying the Love of our life, the world around us will color our perspective of what true love is. This is a strong warning that has been on my heart for years.

God has said; “My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,”

declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways are higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.” in Isaiah 55:8-9. This is why we must press on to know Him. So “let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on to know him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.” (Hosea 6:3)

“His head and hair were white like wool, as white as snow, and His eyes like a flame of fire; His feet were like fine brass, as if refined in a furnace, and His voice as the sound of many waters; He had in His right hand seven stars, out of His mouth went a sharp two-edged sword, and His countenance was like the sun shining in its strength.” Revelation‬ ‭1:14-16

“His eyes were like a flame of fire, and on His head were many crowns. He had a name written that no one knew except Himself. He was clothed with a robe dipped in blood, and His name is called The Word of God.” Revelation‬ ‭19:12-13‬

“I watched till thrones were put in place, And the Ancient of Days was seated; His garment was white as snow, And the hair of His head was like pure wool. His throne was a fiery flame, Its wheels a burning fire;” Daniel‬ ‭7:9‬

“His head and hair were white like wool, as white as snow, and His eyes like a flame of fire; His feet were like fine brass, as if refined in a furnace, and His voice as the sound of many waters; He had in His right hand seven stars, out of His mouth went a sharp two-edged sword, and His countenance was like the sun shining in its strength.” Revelation‬ ‭1:14-16

“His eyes were like a flame of fire, and on His head were many crowns. He had a name written that no one knew except Himself. He was clothed with a robe dipped in blood, and His name is called The Word of God.” Revelation‬ ‭19:12-13‬

“I watched till thrones were put in place, And the Ancient of Days was seated; His garment was white as snow, And the hair of His head was like pure wool. His throne was a fiery flame, Its wheels a burning fire;” Daniel‬ ‭7:9‬

[blazescompendium]

Shin Megami Tensei is 31 years old today.

image provided by Vesk Scans. Please follow her archiving work!

Yeah, Shin Megami Tensei for the Super Famicom is now 31 years old. It is surprising for me how a game that came out full 6 years before i even give my first breath on this Earth, would be so important for me and my life. But here we are.

Even after playing the entirety of the mainline franchise, and a lot of spin offs, this game still holds its position very well in my heart because it is such a unique game. First, i always loved mythology and religion, so much so that i pursued it as a career. It started when i was little, with the influence of my father who was a scholar (albeit amateur) of those fields. Religion always played a major role in my life, both for the good and the bad, and although i don't actually align with any religion at the moment, i was studying the bible in a religious school since a very early age.

So, when i found out about Shin Megami Tensei, it clicked really, really well with me. I know that it is just a game, and even if it tries a lot to be faithful, as a researcher and scholar of Mythology and Religion we got to say it not always gets it right. But it tries! And when it tries, it can achieve very good results, and that's why i love it so much.

And that was when i was a teen/young adult. Now i grew up a lot, and even started my career in those fields, and still regard this game very high.

The characters are great for me, because i love how this game can be incredibly inclusive. Your main character is not a destined hero, or magical being. It is just an average guy, going to the groceries when the world start to end. He lives with his mom, have its problematic friends, and lives an average life. He always acts like any other person would act, and even his looks are just average.

Now, the thing is that this game did not aged well, but its absolutely playable and very fun to play. The old SMT titles have this ''survival horror'' energy, where you have to take care of resources while advancing in the game. ''Should you use your complete party in this dungeon, since its dangerous, but risk to deplete your MAG stock?'' Stuff like that got me.

And this brings me to how much i hate Atlus as a capitalist company. They made this effort to show us they care about the anniversary of the franchise that kick-started their business, but did not do anything about it. Just shoved merch to the US audience, that is not available anywhere else. Us, from outside, just did not got anything from this ''anniversary''. And i thought the Persona 25th was bad enough lol. But i guess merch hoarders are happy?

And that was a big fucking lie

I honestly don't want anything out of the ordinary. If they could at least port the SNES titles to the Switch Online at the west, because its already available in Japan, i beleive we would be very grateful already. Playing and presenting this games for a new generation is a pain. And i believe Shin Megami Tensei deserves it as a series, not only for its uniqueness but also for everything this IP did to Atlus.

But hey, i guess we are getting something, right? We have a whole new Persona 5 spin off coming next week! I am so hyped to see the same characters, exactly as they were 7 years ago, in another story about teen rebellion or whatever.

Im sorry, SMT. We failed with you. But your legacy will never be gone. I beleive SMT message keeps relevant to this day, and even more so as the time passes by. The world is a very different place then it was in 199X, but still a very divided and extremist place. SMT was the only game of its time to tackle this issues.

Happy anniversary to Shin Megami Tense, as a great game as one of my favorite games of all time. I wish more people could play it at least once!

And yeah, to celebrate i think i will be beating SMT 2 tonight, after lectures!

#shin megami tensei #anniversary #shin megami tensei anniversary #atlus #megaten #venting #blazescompendium

[scribeforchrist-blog]

I Am Not Carrying It He Is

MEMORY VERSE OF THE WEEK

=========================

+ Psalm 150:6: "Let everything that has breath praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!"

=========================

VERSE OF THE DAY

========================

+ James 2:10 For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become guilty of it.

=========================

** SAY THIS BEFORE YOU READ; HERE’S SOME CHRISTIAN TRUTHS **

I AM NOT FEEDING MY FLESH

I AM WALKING IN THE SPIRIT

I AM HEARING HIS VOICE

I AM GUILTY BUT SET FREE IN GOD

 ********************************

THOUGHTS:

=======================

  Defilement: we dont hear this word or maybe see this world only in the Old Testament, but we don’t hear it in the New Testament a lot, and a lot of people dont know what is it mean , but defilement is this: "To defile oneself means to make oneself spiritually unclean or impure." so its when we make ourselves unclean, and its many ways to do this and the bible gives us verses of what makes us defile

 •Mark 7:21-23 For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a person."

  •Galatians 5: 19-21 Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

  So within this verse, we have the basis of what could cause someone to defile themselves or what they could do to do this, and what we noticed is that anything that's of the flesh can do this; it tells us in Mark that out of the heart of a man comes evil thoughts and anything evil anything that's in our mind that is not of God and not of light and love in a decent way is defilement.

  Some people would say it is hard not to be defiled when we are around people every day because being around people, you can have thoughts to harm and thoughts to hate, and this causes defilement. I heard one man say one time that if you are by yourself. There is no one around you all day; that is how you can keep from defiling yourself. Still, the bible says these things are in our hearts, so I don't know if this is true. I spend a lot of time alone; I am single and have no kids. I'm alone a lot, and even texting people can cause me to defile myself because I might get upset, or I might watch TV and something is on there; it's something I don't like that can causes me to be defiled.

   There are tons of things that can cause you or me to defile ourselves; even what we look at can cause us to defile ourselves because what happens is the enemy will present us with something, and it won’t affect us right now. Still, we'll bring it back to our attention later on in our weakest moment so that we can react, so what we must do when we have these moments of defilement is ask God immediately to forgive us and give us the grace to withstand anything and everything that the enemy wants to attack us with.

 Ephesians 5:11  Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.

   The word tells us that we shouldn't take on the unfruitful works of darkness; we can't grow in darkness, and we can't grow when we are dabbling in the works of the flesh. We must remember that living in this world. We have a ton of moments where lust, anger, and rage can grip us and pull us in,  but we can’t allow those things to stay. We must have joy, peace, forbearance, and be kind, and be good and, faithful to God, gentle to others who need it, and have self-control over our life; a lot of us avoid anything that could lead to fleshly deeds and some of us allow ourselves to lose control and not look at what God wants us to do which is bare fruit and be in the light.

  When we defile ourselves, we aren't walking in the light. We are thinking about ourselves, and the bible tells us that the heart is deceitful above all things And desperately wicked. Who can know it? Only the Lord knows our heart, which we have needs repair and healing, but we must be willing to put in the work and stay away from things we know will trigger us to sin.

 ***Today, we learned about defilement, what we can do to avoid it, and what causes it; as we grow and Christ, we will learn more about what doesn't feel right within our spirit and what, most importantly, what God honestly doesn't like. To keep from defilement, we must first not allow it around us or let it into our eyegates; every day, we must choose not to live in the realm of the flesh but in the realm of the spirit. The word of God states that when we walk in the spirit, we won't gratify the things of the flesh, and to stay in the spirit; we must do this: we must yield to his control and be led by the Holy Spirit, and fully rely on the spirit.

  The sinful appetite is fed when we submit to it; our sinful appetite can go away if we don't feed it as long as we feed it and allow it to dwell in us; we have to stop and ask God to give us control and a desire to deny the craving to allow what defiles us to stay around us, cleaning our home and phones of things that could defile can help I'm not going to lie the urges will be there for a little while and this doesn’t mean we won’t sin but this is when we must pick up our cross and say God help me carry my cross so I won't defile myself.  ©Seer~ Prophetess Lee

========================

PRAYER

========================

Heavenly Father, we thank you for your grace and mercy. We thank you for loving us and keeping us safe. Lord, protect us with your loving arms. We ask you to help us not to enter into anything that could defile us. We give you our minds, eyes, and ears. Lord, we surrender these body parts and ask you to cleanse them and change us. Lord, our cross is so heavy we ask you to help carry it, and we ask you to help us not to fall into temptation. Give us strength in you, give us strength to say no to what we want; help us to not gratify the flesh but to walk in the spirit; in Jesus Name, Amen

========================

REFERENCES

========================

+ Galatians 3:10 For all who rely on works of the law are under a curse; for it is written, "Cursed be everyone who does not abide by all things written in the Book of the Law, and do them."

 

+ Deuteronomy 27:26 Cursed be anyone who does not confirm the words of this law by doing them.' And all the people shall say, 'Amen.'

 

+ Romans 8:7 For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot

========================

FURTHER READINGS

=========================

Proverbs 13

Roman 6

Leviticus 2

Deuteronomy 20

 =========================

#bible #bible quotes #christian quote #daily devotion #daily devotional #inspiration #scripture #bible verse #christian life #christan life

[in-christalone]

Sorry one more ask: My heart and mind are opening again to the Word of the Lord and I want to learn more about God's beliefs on Homosexuality. My heart and mind want me to believe that God is okay with it, but I feel a pull to learn more about what many Christians say that God thinks. I can't make a full decision on my own thoughts until I thoroughly educate myself on both sides. I've been on Tumblr for 10 years so I know the pro LGBT side of things. What are some resources I could look into to learn more about why homosexuality is wrong according to many Christians?

By the way, I just bought myself a new Bible, so verses are also welcome to be cited! Thanks!

I just ran (not walked) to my room after reading this, [i type better on desktop] I GOT YOU FAM.

Firstly, I can give you the verses by which the evidence is there that homosexuality is indeed a sin. Chiefly, it doesn't matter what the Bible says if you don't believe in its authority. So I'd like to start there.

2 Timothy 3:16 "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,"

[This means that every word in the Bible is directly from God. Did men write the Bible? Yes, but think of it this way. When you write a story on paper, is it the pen writing the story, or is it you? Same thing with the Bible. It's God who wrote the Bible, [otherwise known as His Word] and men are only instruments of God. His writing utensils in this case]

Everything in the Bible is without error, additionally, every prophecy that has been written in the Bible HAS come to be true and fulfilled or WILL be fulfilled, there was never even one prophecy that hasn't come to be true or WILL come to be true in time.

If you ever have questions or find "contradictions" I'd love to walk you through it. 10/10 times this is "found" because there's something the reader didn't understand about the context of the Bible.

We as Christians are meant to be conformed to the Bible and to submit to it as our authority, this is what it means to be Christian when we love God so much [because He first loved us in redeeming us from death] that we obey His Word. If you don't submit to God then you will never grow in your life.

Now that we got the "The Bible is inerrant" speech done, I can show you the verses.

Leviticus 18:22 

You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination.

Some objections to using the Old Testament verse:

There are laws against wearing two different fabrics and no eating of shellfish, but you're a hypocrite cause you do that too, so what's the deal?

There were three types of laws that were implemented, the moral, the ceremonial and the civil. These laws were in place because the Israelites were meant to be an example to the world and show them how to serve God, [they failed miserably, that's why Jesus had to come, but Jesus was always a part of the plan before God even created the world] Anways, Jesus, since He perfectly obeyed all the laws, [ He never sinned ] He fulfilled the civil and the ceremonial law. "“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them." [Matt 5:17] to Even more so He declared all foods clean to eat [Mark 7:18-19] but the MORAL law [could also be referred to as the Ten Commandments] remains, which Leviticus 18:22 is a part of.

I'll move onto the New Testament verses about homosexuality now, which are a bit more black and white.

1 Corinthians 6:9-11 

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor those who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

Romans 1:26-27 

For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with lust for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.

But why? God, as our Creator is the one who our designer, He is also the designer for marriage.

Genesis 2:24 

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Anything apart from this, is sin.

(I'm not going to sit here and excuse all heterosexual relationships though, if there is sexual relations of any kind outside of marriage, that is sin too. So those heterosexuals who are giving into sexual temptations outside of marriage are in sin too.)

but God is clear in saying that marriage is only between male and female. Even more, Jesus Himself reiterated this.

Matthew 19:3-9

Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Okay, I'm sure you might know of my testimony in being exgay. I DONT believe in the typical "pray the gay away", I think that belief is moreso bull if anything. You can't always pray away temptation because it can always come back to resurface. Temptation isn't a sin anyways [Jesus was tempted in Matt 4:1-11]

To reiterate, I'm saying that same-sex attraction isn't a sin because we can't always control who we are attracted to, but we CAN control our thoughts and impulses, and we can deny any fantasies that we are tempted to play in our heads. I don't think I need to say this, but our thoughts lead to actions and of course, those actions of entering into a same-sex relationship is wrong too.

It's like if I started dating a male, if I am sexually tempted by him then as a Christian I am going to obey God and throw away those thoughts of sexual fantasies instead of letting it get so far in my heart that it becomes an action. If you don't deny those thoughts and you entertain them, that is a sin too because you are entertaining the thought of sin [God can see our thoughts too if you didn't know, there is nothing hidden from Him]

You wanna know the second half of that 1 Corinthians 6 verse I shared up above?

Vs.11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.

Here's the Good News: you and I broke the law of God with our sinful lives, but Jesus paid the fine. That means if we repent of our sins [to forsake, to turn against, to cease] and we submit ourselves to the Lordship of Jesus, then we will be saved. It means that when we die,[we who are in Christ Jesus] then God will not see our wicked lives, but He will see Jesus who died on the cross, who atoned for our sins.

There is no sin too great for God to forgive. And you won't be alone in your walk with Christ if you surrender to Him. He will help you to love Him, He will never leave you or forsake you, He will make you into a beautiful new creation that will live and love good instead of evil.

Let me know if I wasnt clear in something or if you need more explanation!

#lgbt #gay #mlm #wlw #pride #gaypride

[theproblemcallednight]

ur hostess is in pieces

alr y’all. the final wungo wednesday. i’m not exaggerating when i say this ep broke me

quick intermission before we start: this is in two parts bc there’s a lot in this ep. i split it roughy halfway through the ep

also this is a rewatch so some of my initial feelings r gone, but i’m doing the commentary based on my initial reactions so that’s why i double back in my opinions

obvi spoilers for bsd anime and manga, y’all know this, time to go cry

aww we don’t get the op song? buts it’s so good

ah yes. aku u look lovely.

bram by boiiii yessssssss. spit out the facts

AYA NO. UR FATHER SAID WAIT LISTEN TO HIM PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ

JDJDJHHE AYA BABY :&:$$;$:783$

he cares so much omfg my heart me brain by fucking life is gonna explode

WAIT IT ACTUALLY CAME OUT???? AYAS ONLY LIKE 50 POUNDS THO. i think that’s a lil under 25 kg. BUT STILL HOW WAS THAT SMALL AMOUNT ENOUGH

omg yes, fukuzawa is slaying so hard rn. go girl go. get this bitch

YES. SAVE THE WORLD. LETS GO

yo it’s mr russian man. he looks wonderful as ever. how’d he get out tho…

fedya shut up. ur bc is complementing u admire how cute he is calling u “so damn awesome.” idc wat y’all say i will love nikolai till the day i die he’s so cute shdhdhdhjd

see???? adorable clown man i wanna hug him

ok present night here:

did anyone else thing this explanation was lame?? like cmon. i feel like this is a bones thing like asagiri would’ve done some rlly weird shit and then create another weirder character to make it work but it would work bc it’s bsd. y’know? idk @/ebiichan pointed a lot of plotholes out to me go check her out

ok back to live reaction past night

i’m a simp but i mean. how could i not. jus look at him. jus look. he’s my lil cutie baby

ok but fedyas face. bones what r u doing. u can draw pretty ppl ik that why won’t u let fedya have it

who’s that man?????? shakespeare????

EH?!!!??!! DAZ U PROMISED TO GET HIM GO GET HIM U BAFOON DONT LEAVE MY BOI TO ROT SIGMA PLZ COME BACK.

i jus drew u being badass cmon crome back i miss u 😢 😭😭

does kolya not call fedya dos-kun in the anime? or is it jus this one time bc he’s so surprised???

BRAM YOU’VE BEEN UN-SHISH KEBABED LES GOOOOOO

AYA U GOT A NEW FATHER

omg ranpo fainted????? wat happened??? he seems off??

ok this is rlly funny bc he didn’t even have to ask bram. like jus tell aya to ask him. he’s her father ofc he’d save the world for her

omg

OMG CHUU UR BACK I MISSED U SM!!! GUYS ITS NOT SOKOUKOVER. he’s so pretty omfg

YES CHUU MY BOI. ily my smol king so glad to have u back djdjdjejdi

ok guys look at fedya. he’s so pathetic. bones y did u make him so pathetic.

oh he said sayonara? is it rlly forever? also prettyzai bc y not

WAIT. IS HE ACTUALLY DEAD. NO FUCKING WAY RIGHT????

right present night is back for another segment:

i didn’t take a pic but fedyas last words were in latin. and they were the words that in the bible, jesus said 3 days before he got resurrected. so maybe fedyas gonna come back??? idk i’m delulu

and that concludes the end of the first segment!!! link to the next one below:

prt 2

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd fyodor #aya bsd #bram bsd #bsd sigma #bsd dazai #bsd spoilers #bsd 110 #bsd season 5 #bsd nikolai #dahostcallednight

[faneposting-my-beloved]

My issue with Godwoken graphic novel and its execution

I think it's time to make it into a coherent post instead of just letting bits and pieces known in asks or random replies so let's go. Godwoken Graphic Novel was my first contact with the medium. Not great, but it is what it is. Now with several Witcher ones under my belt, it's definitely easier to pinpoint all things done wrongly, misguided, or in a simply disrespectful fashion.

The premise:

Divinity: Original Sin 2 - Godwoken - Collector's Edition Dive into this brand new hardback filled with six brand new adventures; telling the origin stories of Rivellon’s godwoken; Ifan, Lohse, Red Prince, Sebille, Fane and Beast.

Rivellon is coming to the world of graphic novels! Divinity: Original Sin 2 - Godwoken is the accumulated history of the six godwoken of Divinity: Original Sin 2. Who were they before their trails with the Divine Order, or before travelling to the Hall of Echoes? Everyone starts somewhere. Everyone has an origin story.

Explore the events leading up to the start of Divinity: Original Sin 2, from the perspective of all 6 Godwoken heroes of our tale.

This 300+ page full-colour graphic novel will take you on a journey through never-before seen areas of Rivellon. Ever wondered what Fane looked like in the flesh? Curious about Red Prince’s life as the crown jewel of the Forgotten City? Journey with Ifan as the Divine’s right-hand man, and explore the lives of Sebille, Beast, and Lohse up to the moment of the ill-fated Kraken attack that starts the epic tale that is Divinity:Original Sin 2.

Let's tackle down the hydra starting with the heads. #1 Inconsistencies Ever wondered what Fane looked like in the flesh? This is what personally prompted me to buy the book in a spirit of hype-fueled urgency, in collector's edition no less, and free my wallet of more or less 300 PLN (or 6 Witcher Ronin novels - 128 pages each). I read the entire thing as a zealous inquisitor would the Bible - rapidly losing steam with each flip of the page. Why? Well... Ifan, a Magister before the existence of Magisters

The Lorebook of D:OS2 states plainly: 1235 AD The Divine Order after Lucian

Under Lucian, the Divine Order grew large, and after his death it grew fractious. Its core function remained – to serve the Divine – but Lucian was no more. Without a leader, the Order began to fracture. Without a Divine, the Order struggled to protect the people of the world from the Voidwoken. The hope brought by Lucian’s hard-won peace was soon replaced with despair amongst the people and tension within the Order. Resolving this conflict is one of the most pressing issues for the Order’s new leader – Alexandar, Lucian’s only surviving son.

That Magisters as a fraction of the Order existed only after Lucian's death. What's more, we know that before this schism happened - Lucian's Order consisted mostly of Paladins - we play as one during the events of Beyond Divinity (1238 AD). So if Ifan served under Lucian well before that time (Chaos War 1233 AD) he'd have to join the Divine as a Paladin - most of which were of noble descent but did not overlook gifted and dedicated recruits of other walks of life. Recruits, as opposed to Magisters, Paladins are said to go through meticulous military training before joining the ranks proper. This notion may or may not be inspired by an older organization - Source Hunters who are known to train in Academies as far as 4 AD. Meanwhile, we see Ifan wear a Magisterial Red-Gold-Silver combo as opposed to Paladin gold and white

Old Paladin design:

(the picture limit might kick my ass in this post but I want to include as many sources as possible) Naturally, this inconsistency extends over every Magister we see in Ifan's chapter. A notable technical inconsistency on pages 5-9 | 13-14 is that Lucian's eyes randomly flicker between normal, human ones and Divine all-white sclera, and his cloak disappears in the panels on page 5 A bard and a....who?

Now, this is not my own complaint, but my boyfriend frequently pointed out that Nick's appearance is quite random and was not mentioned in the game at all. While I can excuse it with Lohse's memory going more or less blank during her 'episodes' and the indication that Nick might not be real at all - I see it could be jarring to introduce a character this important with no covering in the base material. While Loshe's chapter is among the few that get their job done quite well storytelling-wise I will discuss a few instances from here in another segment regarding worldbuilding and pop-culture references. An assassin in the pale moonlight

Not much to add here either, my biggest irk is visual and regards Sebille's hair color that is portrayed as black while the concept arts and key arts show her with brown hair. And maybe that the Needle is, in fact, a dagger and not some intricate lizard war needle was a bit disappointing, and that her tattoos are mixed together on her arm while they should be separate, but in comparison to other inconsistencies, they really are minor. Kudos for getting the D:OS1 goblin designs spot-on. It was a breeze of fresh air to see accurate portrayals. Again, just as with Lohse's chapter, the biggest sin is not in writing per se, but in the graphical portrayal of certain things that I will discuss at length later.

Beast o' the seas

Honestly, besides Isbeil not looking like herself, there's not much negative I can say on Beast's part. And I am RELIEVED to say that. The old sailor deserved that much. His story suffers only from constraints (like all of them, this SHOULD have been a series) Gods bless Beast's chapter.

The Spouse of the Sun

Once more, his part works. Minus the horrorscape/dream snippet - Sadha looks nothing like her in-game model or concept art, plus on page 254 the color of her scales looks green-ish? Sometimes you just can't have everything. Still, a positive overall.

The scholar of a bygone....oh God

I bitched, I bemoaned, I wailed and I cried over the mishandling (mutilation?) of Fane's chapter and the vitriol in me threatens to overflow still, so let's get straight to it.

If Elves in Ifan's chapter could speak in their own language, so should Eternals - Including the differences in Fane's name (Fane is a 'placeholder' he picked in place of his own, and Xantezza is referred to Xantessa in old sources)

Architecture......just.......no. Just for formalities' sake.

The appearance of the Eternals......Gods please, anything but 80s fantasy standards (especially when the concept arts are so detailed)

The King audience should be played off differently (maybe not in front of the WHOLE court (full of randos?? Where's Aetera??) I also expected Harina to be there with him.

CRIMINAL LACK OF AETERA IN FLESH I REPEAT - A CRIMINAL LACK! It's even a more slap-to-the-face that she's included in one of the additional arts at the end of the Collector's Edition

Eternal Guards should not probably wield swords and look like background characters from The Red Prince's chapter.

Dallis should have been playing with her mask - a good opportunity to explain HOW IN THE HELLS DID HE DO IT WITHOUT ETERNALS DYING OFTEN TO GIVE HIM A CORPSE/FACE TO MAIM

Fane's wife is ugly - the only win in this chapter (I know I know, I'm joking no I am not)

Fane's laboratory......point 2 and let's move on.

Eternals had paper (or a substitute) - in the form of scrolls, yes. But not BOOKS to permanently record knowledge - that is what tablets and memory banks were for! PLEASE.

The Seven...Point 3. I beg of you.

The concept of food as shown in the secret meeting panels is quite questionable. We know Eternals feed on Source (Source Vampirism is their racial skill) and that their digestive systems seem to be 100% efficient (hence why Fane is appalled by the concept of advanced digestion later on) so ????

Why are the Guards tying him with a linen rope like it's a bondage session?

The tombs that look...nothing like the tombs we see in the game! Neato!

Oh, so now Fane can distinctly speak Eternal and not be understood...? Okay...Okay?

Fane in-game > abhors violence, feels bad about purging that other guy dead. Fane in the novel> Hello, would you like to talk to the handaxe I pulled out of nowhere? Also being the brilliant wizard that I am?

If a knife and a face were all that Fane needed to make his mask, his bitching in Fort Joy would never have happened.

His elven face looks nothing like the one in the game (it does in my copy of the book, I sharpied it)

And now, the absolute cherry on top... Let's point something out. In Ifan's chapter - Ifan's wolf is shown. In Lohse's chapter - Lohse's Maddening Song is shown. In Sebille's- break the shackles. In Beast's and TRP - both demonic stare and tempest are used. So please do tell me, why in cold hell is Fane's MOST unique ability of them all NOT SHOWN AT ALL. We still don't know HOW he mastered time manipulation! Why! Nothing!

#2 Worldbuilding and pop-culture references

A graphic novel is a finely controllable medium - unlike a videogame, the consumer has generally only one way of interacting with it - reading. Now, every panel should move the story further but while this is the core function of a comic what happens in the background has an equally important role - building a wider picture. The buildings, peoples, and things happening in the background can be just as informative as the foreground. The question is: do we want to fill a section with informative details or cram in as much junk as possible? Godwoken novel's approach is very lax in regard to worldbuilding, up to a point where relatively important information gets replaced by a joke. By no means should there be no humor in graphic novel layouts, but there are more or less apt places to do it.

Let's look at this particular scene from Sebille's chapter - it's quite a powerful moment in the whole scope of her character. I'd like to note that Mindaran is the elf she was made to kill within the pages of the novel - a list of her victims was kept on her right arm and the names on the left - were the ones killed for revenge. But, well, maybe it was an issue with running out of pages and was done for brevity's sake. Let's let it rest. What, in my opinion truly detracts value from this scene is all the funky 'reference' names written on her arm. Rubus is the nickname of the artist - less known and quite within reason (and within bonds of the history of artists' signatures). Boromir and Drizzt however share none of those excuses. It feels somehow disrespectful, especially in the context of Sebille's tattoos to put random pop-culture names in there. Was she the one to kill Boromir? Really? On a more serious note, this wouldn't be too bad if we had other, unbiased source about Sebille's victims - but it just so happens that we do not and somewhat important information (to us - lore enthusiasts, and to Sebille herself) gets buried for the sake of a quip. There were definitely better places to make these references than Sebille's skin. Same with Lohse's chapter and the reference to the Hobbit. I love Hobbit as the next child raised on Tolkien's stories (it's even a school lecture where I come from - the only fantasy book on our reading list) But I'd much rather see a reference to older Divinity, rather than a completely foreign universe. Zandalor's character is a walking reference to Gandalf! Why not use him here with Arhu as Bilbo.

I haven't seen anything similarly tactless in Witcher novels, and they were filled with references to the brim! (Several ones made me pause and re-evaluate the context to get them, but it was amazing to have that 'eureka!' moment)

And this pretty much wraps up my feelings about the novel. A lot of goodwill executed terribly poorly and with, well, I'd like to say profit in mind, but that would warrant a series and not one-shot book, so maybe with a riding-the-wave tendency instead? The book did come out whole 3 years after the game too, so there was more than enough time to reconsider the direction, but seemingly not enough time for quality control. (As a side note, my book was bought in 2021 and it's already falling apart - the hardcover really wants to go its own way after sporadic, careful use). I think by then Larian already was in the BG3 deal, and if they really wanted (just like Witcher devs) they could find a studio to handle comic distribution for them and get the Divinity fans something to latch on to during Baldur's development. Not to mention it would be a great solution to filling or straightening up the plot holes and bridging the gap between old and new lore. Alas, it is what it is. Pity.

#nerd talks larian #nerd talks story consistency (there's none) #nerd talks lore #divinity original sin 2 #godwoken novel #fane #lohse #sebille #beast #the red prince #ifan ben mezd #what a good day for a lore rant

[malaurymalfunctional]

1, 6, 12, 39

get asked things, dork (affectionate

welp, get your reading glasses out everyone

1: 3 things that shaped me into who i am

-1: luck. from the classic things like being born in a wealthy western country, being white (not inherently lucky but made me privileged/safer), having a relatively nice familly with no financial struggle, etc, to smaller stuff. like, it's a miracle i was never bullied in school. if it wasn't for that one person, maybe i would've died. i had free access to the internet since i was like 9, and somehow never stumbled on stuff that was inapropriate for my age

i consider myself quite lucky, despite all the hardships

-2: being trans. sorry to the people who think it's cringe when we make it our whole personnality, but it is litteraly so important. so central. i cannot fathom what i would be like if i weren't trans. that's just not the same person

-3: having weird ass parents. by that i mean that they're almost not like parents, more like... people i lived with that cared for me? i of course mean that in the sense that i don't have any special emotional attachment to them and all, but also that it doesn't feel like they raised me because they transmitted so little to me. my way of seeing the world, my hobbies, my fears, my political opinions, my general knowledge, my understanding of myself and others, my skills, i got them from, well, not them. the internet school, my friends, but not my parents. truly, i don't really know these people

6: best and worst part of being online

i've been here most of my life, so all the bad is just part of it. yes, that's where all the haters are. sure, all of the horrible things in existence can be found here. but that's also where my friends are. that's where community is. that's my only way of accessing at least 50% of what makes me happy. it has taught me so much about the world and myself, has held so many fulfilling experiences for me

if i had to choose 1 worst, i'd say transmisoginy i guess? i dunno, girl, i'm not even popular enough to get hate mail

12: a piece of advice i'd like to give

like i said in a previous post of mine i'm just 18. i'm like a baby. i feel like the least qualified person on earth to be giving advice. but i'll say one thing: advices are kinda bullshit. in essence they're opinions you think will be helpfull to someone else. but in my experience, they rarely are, especially when talking about life choices, mental health and the such. i watched hundreds of hours of self help videos, listened to people, went to therapy, and i felt like a fucking moron. i knew all the things, i had the advice, but it wasn't working. in the end, what helped me crawl out of the pit is time, love, and a bunch of stuff i'll never know about. find what works for you and ditch what doesn't; it's not because a piece of advice is true that it is helpful. searching for your solution will probably work better than just trying to apply the solutions others found

39: a youtuber i'm obssessed with

hard and specific

brennan lee mulligan? absolutely obssessed. a youtuber? not really

thegreatreview (he's french)? amazing youtuber. so fucking talented. obssessed? not really

dougdoug? obssessed by his entire cinematic universe for a while now. a youtuber? maybe 50%? it's all twitch streams highlights

john and hank green? ok i'll stop there

let's settle for brian david gilbert then, the man so nice they named him thrice. please buy his bed.

most well known for his Unravelled series on Polygon's channel, like the one about the sonic bible or the one about the smash bros osha violations, his personnal stuff is simply perfect, sometimes whimsical, like "i wish that i could wear hats" or "Pumpkin Cowboy", sometimes horrifying, like the one about the american healthcare system or "Teaching Jake about the Camcorder, Jan '97", often a mix of both, like "we like watching birds" or "earn $20K EACH MONTH by being your own boss". his comedic genius is at its best when it is also at its weirdest. he's also the guy who made the sibling dance song, i guess

[officialyourdailyinspiration]

Devotional Hours Within the Bible by James Russell Miller

The Living God

"My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?" – Psalm 42:2

There were many gods among the ancient heathen. Every nation had its deities. It used to be said in Athens that it was easier there to find a god, than a man. The statues and shrines of these deities were everywhere. But these were not living gods. They breathed not, thought not, loved not. In another of the Psalms we have this picture: “Their idols are silver and gold, made by the hands of men. They have mouths but cannot speak; eyes but they cannot see; they have ears but cannot hear; noses but they cannot smell; they have hands but cannot feel; feet but they cannot walk; nor can they utter a sound with their throats!”

Such gods could give no help to those who trusted in them. They could hear no cries of distress. They could answer no prayers. They could not deliver from danger. They could give no comfort to those who were in sorrow. They could meet no cravings of hungry hearts for love, for sympathy, for life, for peace. But the God of the Bible, is the living God.

Then, He is our Father. There are those who tell us that there is a great central force at the heart of the universe, by which all things are held in their place. They call it a force a mighty, mysterious force. But they give it no attributes which make that force dear to human hearts in their need and sorrow. It cannot hear prayer. It cannot love. It cannot trouble itself with our daily trials and cares. You could not pillow an aching head on it and find soothing.

But the God of the Bible has more in His nature than power; He is more than omnipotence. We read but a little way in the Book, until we find that He has a heart of tenderness and love, like our mothers. He is revealed in the Old Testament as a God who thinks of His creatures and cares for them. He came and walked in the Garden of Eden with our first parents, sought their companionship, craved their confidence and affection, and was grieved by their sin. He was interested in the life and work of men, was willing to lead them, to help them. He cared for those who would obey Him and trust Him, defended them, provided for them, blessed them. He was revealed also as a God of mercy, forgiving sin.

But it is in the New Testament, that the revelation is made in its fullness. Jesus Christ was a teacher come from God, and He uses only one name in telling us of God the name FATHER. He told men that the God who made all the worlds and dwelt in glory was their own Father! And then He put into that holy word, all that is sacred, tender, sweet, compassionate all that love could possibly mean. It is when we see something of God’s love for us, when we begin to understand that He is our Father, caring for us with all a father’s tenderness and affection, that we realize the meaning of the name the living God. He is the God of power, the God who made all things and keeps all in being but He is the God of love as well. He has a heart of sympathy and tenderness. He pities us in our sorrow and need, and is quick to help.

This truth of the living God is full of rich encouragement. It assures us of satisfaction for all our heart’s deep cravings. “My soul thirsts for God for the living God.” No idol could ever satisfy a soul’s longings; nothing but a personal God can do this. We are made for God, and we never can find rest until we find it in Him. Jesus Christ stands and calls to all this world of weary ones, saying, “Come unto Me, all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” “If any man thirsts let him come unto me and drink.” “Whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst”

We know what a satisfying of the heart even strong and deep human friendship gives. There are human friends who are to us like a great rock in a weary land. We flee to them in the heat of parching days and rest in their shadow. A friend in whom we can confide without fear of disappointment, who we know will never fail us, who will never stint his love in serving us, who always has healing tenderness for the hurts of our heart, comfort for our sorrows, and cheer for our discouragements; such a friend is not only a rock for shelter but is also rivers of water in a thirsty land! Yet this at its best, is only a hint of what Christ is, to those who bring their thirsts to Him. His love meets the deepest yearnings of our souls for love. His wisdom answers all the questions of human restlessness. His life fills up the emptiness of our lives. When a soul thirsts for the living God its longings will surely be satisfied. Things will not satisfy. Even the best of God’s blessings will not do it Nothing less than God Himself will satisfy.

This truth of the living God, gives us confidence in prayer. Is there anyone to hear us when we cry out of a sense of need or danger or desire? Is there anyone who cares to help us or bless us? If there is not, there is no use in praying. If God is only a great central Force at the heart of things like the sun, like gravitation it is in vain that we bow down, morning and night, and tell out our heart’s yearnings. Would a man pray to the wind, or to the sun, or to the attraction of gravitation? If there is no living God, there can be no prayer, for then there is no heart to feel, no ear to hear, no hand to help. One of the saddest things in this world is to see men and women praying to idols, bowing before empty shrines, worshiping relies of saints things that have no life and no power to do anything.

But our God is the living God. He made the heavens, and has universal power. He is also our Father. “Your Father knows what things you have need of, before you ask him.” It was Jesus Himself who taught us to come to God with the words “Our Father” on our lips. We know that there is One who hears our cries, and is interested and sympathetic, and pleased to grant us answers of peace and love. Our God is the living God.

What would we do, if there were no one to whom we could pray? What would we do, if there were no heavenly Father, no living God in the universe, no one who cared for us and could help us? Suppose you were to learn that all this cherished belief in your heart, was a mistake that there really is no one anywhere to hear you when you pray, no one who cares for you, or thinks upon you, or can give you any help how dark the world would become to you!

Those who have been reared in the simple truths of Christianity, believing in a God of love, in the cross of Christ, and in prayer, and then have lost their sweet faith, have confessed that in the fading out of these Christian beliefs in their hearts they lost their brightest joys and their dearest happiness.

So would it be if you were to learn in some way, that your childhood belief in prayer was a mistake, a delusion, and that no one really hears your cries or cares for you. The brightness would die out of the world for you! No other loss, no bereavement, no misfortune that you might possibly suffer, could compare for a moment with the loss of your faith in God as your Father and as the Hearer of your prayers.

What would you then do when you had sinned, and when the sense of guilt sweeps over you like a flood of dark waters if there were no God of mercy to forgive? What would you do in the time of overmastering temptation, of great danger, of heavy loss, or of deep sorrow-if there was no one in heaven who loved you and would hear your call for help? What would you do in the hour of dying, when every human hand must unclasp yours, when every human face fades from your vision, and you must enter the strange mystery alone what would you do then, if there were no living God to walk with you?

But we need not vex ourselves with such suppositions. We need fear no such sweeping away of our childhood beliefs. Our belief in prayer is no illusion. Our God is indeed the living God, who loves us, knows our needs, thinks upon us, hears our feeblest prayer. The God at the center of all power is our Father!

Again, this truth of the living God gives us assurance of divine thought and care in all our life. Suppose, again, you were to learn that there is no one with wisdom, power, and love interested in the affairs of this world that all things come by ‘chance’ that no wisdom directs, that no hand guides and controls events, that the world is only a vast machine, grinding on forever, that bad men and devils have no check in their power to hurt and that all men and all lives are victims of this mighty, heartless, remorseless grinding; how it would darken all of life for you! No God of love directing! No Father thinking of His children and keeping them in the midst of disasters! No Providence watching over the lives of men in all the mighty rush of events, and overruling all things for their good!

Dark indeed would the world grow to our hearts if such atheistic supposition were to be proved true. A world without a Father! A universe without love! But this is not the teaching of the Bible. There we learn that this is our Father’s world, one of the many mansions of our Father’s house. We do not have to wait for heaven to find ourselves in God’s care; we are in His care, sheltered in His love, quite as really in this world, with all its storm and peril as we shall be when we reach heaven. There is not one trusting child of God on the earth today who is not watched over by the heavenly Father as tenderly as any helpless infant is nourished and sheltered in a loving mother’s arms. The Lord is your keeper. He who keeps you shall not slumber.

God rules in all the events and providences of this world. Things do not run riot, like wild, restless steeds, treading all frail, gentle things under their iron hoofs. This is not a world of ‘chance’. There is no lawlessness anywhere. No wave of the sea in wildest storm is out of God’s control. No pestilence, no earthquake, no flood of trouble, no tidal wave of misfortune, ever gets beyond the power of Him who sits on the throne .

In a great flood in the West, when the river swept far out of its banks, and houses and crops and timbers were carried away on its bosom, some men in a skiff saw a baby’s cradle among the drift. Rowing to it, they found a baby sleeping sweetly in its soft, warm blankets; unhurt, unawakened in the midst of the wild waste of rushing waters. So does God keep His little ones, safe and unharmed in the midst of this world’s dangers and alarms.

It does not always seem so, even to Christian faith. Sometimes God’s children appear to be sorely hurt in life’s experiences. Prayers for relief seem not to be answered. There seems to be no divine hand directing, holding evil in check, overturning men’s wicked schemes, keeping God’s child in safety, guarding and nourishing the godly, the true, the holy. When we look only at the sorrow, the loss, the suffering, the apparent triumph of wrong, the pain, hardship, cruelty, and grief we see everywhere, we sometimes almost question the truth of the teaching, that God rules in all this world’s affairs and ever keeps His own people.

But we must take wider views of the Divine Providence. Earthly evil is not the sorest evil. Sorrow, sickness, pain, loss, and personal suffering or injury are not the things that really hurt our lives. It is possible to suffer every manner of trial and ill, and yet to be continually receiving blessing. God’s keeping of us from evil does not necessarily mean His keeping us from pain and trial. Jesus Himself was kept in the divinest keeping, and yet all the world’s bitterness swept over Him. Paul’s life was one of suffering and loss to the very end, and yet his real life, which he had entrusted as a holy deposit to Christ, was kept untouched by harm, uninjured, untarnished, through all the experiences of enmity and suffering through which he passed.

So it ever is to those who commit their souls to Christ and abide in Him. Temptations come, and there may be persecutions, disasters, misfortunes, crushing adversities, torturing sorrows. But if the life is truly hid with Christ in God no real harm can touch it. Property may be taken away, friends may forsake, pain may rack, the body may be mangled; but none of these calamities can touch the soul. The soul is in the keeping of the living God, who is faithful, and in whose hands we can never be harmed.

On ships at sea, at night, when the bell strikes the hours, the watch on the lookout calls, “All’s well!” It may be a night of terror. The storm beats on the waters. The waves break over the decks. The passengers are in dread. Many are trembling and afraid. There is great distress on board. Yet hour after hour, as the night passes, and the bells ring, the cheerful words sing down from the little nest on the mast, where the lookout keeps his watch, “All’s well!” “Ten o’clock, and all’s well!” “Eleven o’clock, and all’s well!”

All is well indeed in spite of the storm, the waves, and the sickness and terror of those on board. The great ship is riding in safety through the tempest. It is conquering wind and waves. It is bearing its precious cargo of human lives steadily toward the haven, in spite of adverse storms and tossing seas. “Twelve o’clock, and all’s well!” So the hours move, and morning comes at last, the sun shines forth, the waves sob themselves into a calm, and there is joy once more among the passengers.

So it is that the voice of Christian hope ever sings its song of cheer in men’s ears, in the midst of this world’s storms. “All’s well!” Yet it is a sad world, full of grief and tears. The words seem to mock us as we sit in our darkness, with the waves sweeping over us and the tempest breaking upon our soul. How can all be well while all things appear to be so against us?

In the world at large, God’s plan of wisdom and love goes on amid all human sin and failure. Good will come at last, out of all that seems evil. The morning will break, the sun will shine, and the great ship will be out of the storm, sailing on, with canvas untorn, with engines throbbing, triumphant over every danger. Let us never doubt that the destiny of the world is good, not evil; life, not death. God lives, God reigns, and He will bring this earth through all its darkness into light. Christ is the Pilot. He is keeping watch. It is His voice that we hear calling down as the hours pass, “Midnight, and all’s well!” “Morning watch, and all’s well!” Redemption will conquer. The good ship will master the storms and come safely to the haven. The voice of the Master is heard, “Be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”

There is only one way we can suffer harm in the world. If we lose faith, we will be hurt not by the trial but by the unbelief. Keep your faith strong. Lie like a little child in the hands of Christ. Let not your heart be troubled only believe. Then He will keep you, not only in perfect peace but also in perfect security. “Midnight, and all’s well!” Our God is the living God, our Father, our Redeemer.