#just rambling honestly

[petite-ursus]

Ok, so now I am of course relistening to the Protector of the Small series. Alanna thoughts.

Thinking about Alanna's fingers "itching to heal" even Wyldon's arm.

It's who she is.

Thinking about how badly she wanted to help Kel, just as a regular mentor. She probably pictured they'd have a game of chess in the evening like she did with Sir Myles, discussing life and what Kel was going through... with the addition of a wave of her hand, easing away the odd black eye. Of course she would know how rough and tumble being a page is, and healing Kel after a rough day would have been a matter of course for her. Seamlessly fitted into this image of mentoring the next girl page. She could heal Kel, and so she would and she wouldn't even think about it. (If Sir Myles had been gifted, he'd have done the same for Alanna.)

So there's Alanna's frustration at not being able to help as a mentor. Understanding what it is like to bear the isolation of being the only girl (even if her friends didn't know it.) And then there's not being able to help as a healer. Which is a huge part of her character and how she "repays." Especially as a woman who knows what it's like to be a beaten on page., and how it feels to believe you just have to "take it" and figure it out on your own.

And despite that mentality and the thing that set her apart, she had friends (plural) as a page, right from the start. Because only she knew she was different. Yes she had a bully, but he was singular, not systemic. Even without her peers and Sir Myles, she had Coram. She had people constantly offering help. Her journey was learning to accept the help that was always there.

In contrast, she knows Kel is very much alone (with few exceptions.) More bullies than friends. Even the teachers target her. It takes weeks for anyone besides Neal to even speak to Kel. She's alone. It's Page!Alanna's biggest fear: everyone knows how Kel is different, and YEAH they actually don't like her for it. Alanna didn't want Kel to be alone, on any level. She wanted it to be better for her not (in so many ways) worse.

So there's all of that and she knows Kel is in extra unnecessary pain every day.

Despite being blocked from helping directly, we know she has So Many Eyes on that girl. General consensus from the servants and Sir Myles must have been "she's plucky for sure; she doesn't show how much it hurts, but the boys are essentially beating on her every day. If it's not from being rough in training, or making her slip on oil/literal urine, she's being literally hit in fights. She's bruised somewhere different every day."

She knows how it is, to be afraid that showing that any of it is getting to you will mean everyone loses all respect for you. She knows how lonely that is, even with friends.

So. Her fingers itching to heal. To help. The bruise balm. Absolutely packed with magical strength. As much power as she could possible force into the concoction. So much frustrated Care that it makes Neal yelp. Her first something to say "someone cares; I know what you're dealing with, and it doesn't need to hurt this bad. I don't want it to hurt this bad."

Edit: and I know she gave a knife first but that's Different to me. More broad "good luck" and less specific care.

#personal #keladry of mindelan #thoughts #alanna the lioness #tamora pierce #aaaaaaaah #Nothing groundbreaking #just rambling honestly

[paranormeow7]

autism machine brain

some random thoughts. disclaimer I am between levels 1-2 and have generally low support needs. please do not take my personal experiences as written to describe the whole community!! if others have similar experiences to me, maybe with different words, feel free to share them. it’d be interesting to hear from people all around the spectrum. but do not take my words and use them to talk over others who are not me.

this is mostly about ideas of what is seen as ableist in the community and how it pertains to how I like to identify and describe myself. there’s a stereotype that is seen as ableist, that (usually low support needs) autistic people are like robots. honestly, I feel like one, and it comforts me to identify with them, as I feel like my brain operates and processes language/actions etc like one. specifically, a slow, old family computer.

I call myself slow, which may be seen as ableist language, because I am slow. Maybe due to catatonia (I think that’s the right word?) and like. cognitive stuff? like how it’s kind of hard to like. comprehend and process things unless they are perfectly laid out for me. it is not unlike writing lines of code. if the line of code is not written perfectly into my brain engine, I will freeze up and be unable to complete the action properly. Ive gotten better about this as I’ve gotten older, but I still usually need to be told the exact details of how to do a lot of complicated things, like schoolwork, especially math.

there are just simply too many steps and possibilities. I get overwhelmed and don’t know where to start, as there is too much room for error. even as I try to fill in the blanks and infer what I am meant to do based on what I know, it is simply too much of a risk to attempt something I understand so little. my brain short circuits and blue screens, and I end up sitting, staring at my task and thinking of nothing. this is not ideal for school!! but it is so hard to ask for help, because I feel stupid and disruptive. other kids just run on a newer and faster operating system than me. i am simply behind on software updates.

a big part of my experience as autistic is having an incredibly hard time figuring out how to do or even comprehend things that are new to me, foreign to me, too complicated and large for my mind to run efficiently. I don’t even really know if I’m explaining this properly. At this very moment I am scraping through those lines of code, looking for errors. I very much have a hard time deviating from my “comfort zone”, things that I have already been doing and repeating. repetition is comforting to me. I have already run these programs countless times, and they are proven to work.

My robot brain is my explanation as to why I have trouble improving my art, why I have struggle with disordered eating, why I sound so dry while texting and so awkward while talking. i need the steps broken down for me in such a specific way that is simply not possible most of the time if I want to understand how to do something new or in a new way. for example, I draw the same things over and over, and as such, I do not improve. need to learn fundamentals like lighting, space, form color etc. but attempting such a task is so very daunting. what if I do it wrong? what if I crash? where do I start? Or I try to make something for myself to eat. What if I ruin the dish? There are ingredients in this dish that are not proven to be edible by me. This is cooked in a way that may not be able to run on my operating system. Corrupted code, threatening to break the program. Instead of eating something otherwise healthy and nutritious, I may choose the same, simple food, or not eat altogether.

I am rather verbose, having collected many evocative words over the years, but when there is a concept that I have not attempted to explain before or must explain in a new way, my brain struggles to put it together. a jigsaw puzzle can only be put together successfully in one way. I am not a creative person. I cannot find new and creative ways to complete the puzzle. all I can do is put it together in the same way each time. I often upset people when texting with them, as I use the same responses, same wording, same punctuation etc over and over. To them, they may feel like I am simply uninterested or bored with the conversation. Texting can be stressful because I must rearrange the puzzle in a different way over and over as to not make the person feel ignored. It must hurt to see someone reply with the same mannerisms and phrases each time you speak to them.

I have compared myself to a generative ai before. That may be what I am, but I don’t think I am a very good generative ai. I am more like a factory machine being made to run the software of a generative ai. A machine that has been putting cars together over and over is suddenly asked to create a picture. it is so very strange to be an artist in this state!! again, I do not consider myself a creative person!! it is a lot of the reason I see my work as lacking the same spark and life to it as others work does. they can imagine all sorts of ways to create, all I can do is haphazardly rip apart what I already know, put it back together, run the program and hope it works.

I do love to learn. I do love to scrape and compile new words, new techniques, new food, new tasks to update my software. this is why I have low support needs, as over time I have been slowly integrating more and more features into my program. but it is still overwhelming and disheartening to see my classmates diligently working on an assignment that I rainbow wheeled through the too fast, too complicated explanation of, or see another artist younger than me create beautiful work using techniques that threaten to crash my brain trying to deconstruct, or eating something that I wish to try, but may threaten to poison my code.

I don’t want to be a factory machine, assembling the same parts over and over. I want to be a person, capable of creativity and confidence and working around error and operating smoothly without freezing or shutting down or overheating all the time, needing long cooldown periods, time spent laying in bed doing nothing when I could be lending my time to be productive and do things I want to do. but since I don’t have any other words to describe my experience, it is a comfort to at least be able to name the feeling in a way that others may be able to understand. saying you function like a vintage IBM on dial up also sounds better than saying you’re developmentally retarded.

or maybe my attention span will get better if I get off that damn phone amirite LOLOLOL

but sorry if this was incomprehensible. I feel like it was.

#actual sugar post #beetle writes #izzy.txt #text post #probably why I obsessively tag things too!! #idk man #just rambling honestly #probably why I’m objectum too!! I just really really relate to old technology #rambles #long post #autism #actually autistic #low support needs #autistic #autism stuff #autistic artist #autistic experiences #autistic community #autism spectrum disorder #autism struggles #autism spectrum #autistic things #idk #whatever #ableism #ableist language cw #r slur #r slur tw

[memray]

i’ve seen some people make posts about their tav’s having character quests as if they were origin characters and well…

virvan and ajax simply wouldn’t have companion quests in any of the acts because neither of them have gone more southern than waterdeep

like i’m being so fr

ajax grew up in the freezing cold mountains of icewind dale (he originated from my first dnd character that i made for my first campaign my friend ran that was the rime of the frostmaiden)

virvan just never really left waterdeep because he didn’t need to or really want to he was chilling (it does mildly annoy me that you’re forced into being a baldurian when you’re playing as a tav i think it’d be cool if they added some cities you could be from and dialogue options to go with it)

there’s literally no one and nothing for them in baldur’s gate other than sorting out the absolute bullshit

#ray speaks #just rambling honestly #virvan #ajax helden #my babies <33 #bg3 tav #tav

[darkestwings-hellishsoul]

Good news is, i really love factory work. Like *really* love it. Repetitive tasks at a station by myself where i don't have to talk to anyone for 8 hours? That's my jam. I found my knee brace and got some nice insoles yesterday that will hopefully mitigate the worst of the pain (since i still have a chronic pain condition but desperately need this job and, honestly, I'd much rather do this than customer service) and I'm picking it up really quick, so it's going well. The bad news? Well, obviously i still hurt pretty bad, but mostly... I miss my girlfriend, y'all 😭 I don't think I'm codependent (anymore), i just genuinely love her so much and i miss her whenever I'm not around her. Thankfully the work goes quickly for me, but fuuuuck. I mean it when I say the best part of my day is going home to her. I'll never like my job more than i like my partner

#my shit #personal #babe #just rambling honestly #mostly bc I've been updating about the job situation on this blog since i submitted the app for it #so idk if anyone reads this but if anyone does and is invested here ya go

[shadowriel]

New idea: instead of writing the fic, you come over to my house and I tell you the entire plot while I pace my tiny kitchen. There’s a cup of tea, warm in your hands. The words don’t stop and the affection never leaves your expression.

#this honestly sounds like a dream #I could just ramble to my heart’s content #fanfic #writing

[tawaifeddiediaz]

you know what boils my blood.

over the last 2 weeks, i've seen countless patients walk into my urgent care center, symptomatic for so many things, refusing to get tested for covid and flu, citing that they don't want to knowingly bring it to their holiday tables. i had a patient tell me, verbatim, "i don't want to test for covid, because i don't want to be the asshole who brings it on a plane."

i understand that - i understand that holidays are times where people look forward to meeting loved ones that they might only see once a year, or where they get a break from the hectic back and forth of their lives.

but here's the thing - whether they get tested or not, they will bring whatever they have to their holiday tables. it's pure recklessness to know that you're sick, and walk into someone else's house spreading the disease.

today, january 2, i saw 91 patients, many of them who have tested positive for covid and flu. many of these patients are the same ones who didn't want testing 3 days ago, until their events were over, and now, they will have to reach out to everyone they know to let them know that they were positive because they were showing symptoms well before their event.

the next week or two? we're going to see many, many more, all people with symptoms that started around christmas. these are the only two viruses we test for rapidly in our office, but they are potent and can be fatal in many people.

so here's why i wrote this post, and maybe it's a little late, but - if you care about your loved ones, please get tested if you know you're sick. it doesn't have to be at a clinic if you don't want it to, because the over-the-counter tests work just fine too (if you test within 5-7 days of symptom onset). just...please don't try to run from the knowledge that you might have covid, because immunocompromised people, elderly people, people with co-morbidities like asthma, pregnancy, diabetes, etc...many of them may not recover. and they may not be sitting at your holiday table in the future because of it.

#zee rambles #this isn't to guilt trip anyone #but im so so tired of people coming in and just refusing testing because they want to see grandma or whatever #and on top of that people are avoiding vaccinations and all that too?? #we all lived through the pandemic - everyone saw how many people unfortunately passed away from it #now because of vaccinations and some amount of herd immunity we're finding milder cases in healthy people #but that doesn't mean its gone #that doesn't mean it doesn't have long-term repercussions even in healthy people and that doesn't mean people aren't still dying from it #honestly i just needed a lil rant #and if this helps at least one person??? im all for it #also i can't sleep so here we are spilling thoughts into the voidddd

[greenieflor]

Hey maybe a group of creatives deciding that they want control over their content and don't want to waste time and resources begging for ad revenue is like. A good thing

#lav rambles #watcher #its literally just what dropout did #i understand being upset at having to get another subscription #but did yall watch the video? #this is something theyre excited about #that will allow them to make more and better shows #and youtube just wasnt working for them anymore #like honestly id rather have a couple small subscriptions to companies i love #and want to support #than get their stuff for free with countless ads that hinder their creativity and freedom

[piratespencil]

I’m obsessed with the way Laudna says, “Here Ashton, I made you a doll, because you’re a child.” The way those words are so cutting, so derisive.

But then Ashton says, “Thank you. I love it. I’ve never had a doll.” Completely genuine.

And Laudna smiles, and Laudna says, “I love children.”

And even though she was angry, so angry, so angry she thought she might kill Ashton when she saw him. She still made him a doll. And he loves it. And they have such a beautiful conversation.

There’s just something about how that conversation could have been so cold, so angry, but it wasn’t, and I’m obsessed with it.

#i’m just rambling but!! that whole conversation gave me chills honestly #critical role #cr3 #c3e78 #cr spoilers #kk talks about stuff #kk watches cr3 #ashton greymoore #laudna

[bloodymarymorstan]

So yesterday I watched all the historical scenes of Crowley and Aziraphale in chronological order and then feverishly came up with a new interpretation of the "you go too fast for me Crowley scene" so here it is:

Ok so now we know from season 2 that the Dirty Donkey pub where Crowley holds his heist-planning meeting is right across the street from Aziraphale's bookshop. This means that when Aziraphale goes to meet Crowley in his car he literally just walks across the street, but it also means that when Crowley offers to drive Aziraphale somewhere he isn't offering to take him home. The previous implication of that interaction was that Crowley was going to drive Aziraphale back to his bookshop, but Crowley knows that the bookshop is only a 30 second walk away so that's obviously not the case. In fact, Crowley doesn't actually ask Aziraphale if he wants to be driven home, what he actually says is "can I drop you anywhere?" and then "I'll give you a lift, anywhere you want to go".

So now we know that Crowley isn't trying to drive Aziraphale home, the conclusion we have to draw is that he's asking him if he wants to go somewhere else with Crowley. This is kind of a covert way of wording things, but Crowley is still testing the waters at this point in their relationship. He pulled this same tactic in 1941 when he said he would give Aziraphale a "lift home" and then ended up taking him somewhere else which led to them spending the entire evening together. "I'll give you a lift" has essentially become code for "let's hang out". This also explains why Crowley looks genuinely disappointed and upset when Aziraphale turns down his offer (and why Aziraphale acts apologetic about it).

But, considering that we know Aziraphale has fallen for Crowley by now AND that they went out together in 1941, why the "you go too fast for me Crowley" line? My explanation is this: in 1941, Crowley nearly got in big trouble with Hell simply for having been seen with Aziraphale, and not only did he not seem that bothered by it but he is now asking Aziraphale if he wants to go out again even though they've both been directly confronted with the risk this poses for him. I think it scares Aziraphale that Crowley is willing to risk so much just to spend time with him - he's not ready to confront the truth of what that means yet, and he's also not yet at the point where he'd be willing to take the same risk with Heaven. As usual, Crowley is a step ahead of him in terms of his commitment to their relationship, hence "you go too fast for me". Keep in mind that Aziraphale was very caught up in the moment in 1941 and has had a lot of time to reflect since then about the potential consequences of a relationship with Crowley, and he's just not ready yet even if he definitely wants it.

As a side note, I think it makes a lot of sense that this is the point when Aziraphale agrees to give Crowley the holy water (and why Crowley is more determinedly seeking it in the first place), because now both he and Crowley more fully understand the the danger Crowley will be in if Hell finds out what the two of them have been up to.

#this is such a ramble #all this to explain what is probably just a plot hole lol #but honestly it kind of makes me love the scene even more #also the holy water storyline definitely makes more sense with the s2 flashbacks #good omens #good omens 2 #good omens 2 spoilers #good omens spoilers #aziracrow #ineffable husbands

[crystallizsch]

i really like how canonically yuu is genuinely supportive of grim wanting to be a great mage. if i recall correctly, even character voice lines point this out. and it seems like yuu dotes on grim a lot and defends him too??? yuu even encourages grim's ambitions whenever he declares wanting to be a great mage. and also when he does that boss-henchhuman dynamic. i mean yeah you can interpret it as yuu saying that being condescending and sarcastic as if they're talking to a child saying "when i grow up i want to be famous!" but like. i really think they're genuine when mc loves grim in their own way.

even if grim is usually a menace, he's become like family to yuu.

and i'm pretty sure grim feels the same way.

think about it this way. despite all the mess, all the unpredictability, the danger, and all the drama being in nrc. what's always the constant? yuu goes home at the end of the day to the ramshackle dorm (basically their home at this point considering they slowly but surely fix it up over time) and with who? “the great mage” grim. as the sole outcasts in that academy, they both sleep soundly knowing they will always have each other at the end of the day.

#2nd anniversary event got me feeling things #and honestly just thinking about that grim overblot theory #if that's true i believe grim's breaking point would be yuu finally beginning to leave through the dark mirror #and then overblotting leaving the dark mirror room in ruins like we see in the beginning of the game #he does not want them to leave #they WILL stay there #the great grim refuses to be alone in that “ramshackle” dorm #[— #twisted wonderland #twst #twst grim #twst yuu #twst ramshackle #★'-twst-rambles #—] #god at first grim was REALLY made to be unlikeable #then overtime (personally) grim had just really grown on you #i will defend grim with my life now >:(

[findafight]

Severely neglected component of modernish rockstar Eddie fics is Robin deciding to become an internet hater for Eddie. Like she finds out Eddie is semi/famous and is like "oh, you know what'll be hilarious?" And makes a twitter account dedicated to dissing him. You cannot convince me she wouldn't. Eddie knows she runs the account (it's not even negative it's just to rag on him. Tweets like "Eddie Munson seems like the kind of guy who would tell his friend he'll get her dr pepper and then get some bullshit knockoff. What the hell is a peppo" and "Eddie Munson has probably gotten so distracted by his SO that he walked into a wall and then was still so distracted said SO thought he was concussed." Or "Jeff is actually the best member of CC Eddie probably walked on cafeteria tables in HS" And of course "everybody says I hate on Eddie too much but they don't know he woke his SOs bff up just to ask if there was any peppo left. Twice.") But he can't do anything about it. It's a bit of a meme, because the account never says anything actually mean about Eddie, or his music. Just. Bizarre hypotheticals. (They are not hypothetical)

People are like "how do you feel about EddieMunsonh8r at twitter dot com"

And he has to grit his teeth and say people can have their own opinions about him, ignoring the fact that Robin was literally sitting beside him poking him when she tweeted earlier that day about him wiggling his fingers and saying he'd like to have a little morsel (in reference to cheezies).

When asked why she does it she just says "to keep him humble. And also it's funny to see if people believe he would do this stuff."

Gareth proposes one of them make an account like that about Steve, semi famous stuntman who's doing some more acting now, and the next day Robin tweets "CC seems like the kid of guys who'd make a fake hater account about Steve and use actually silly billy things he does as content" (Jeff tattled)(Eddie groaned)(Steve and Robin cackled)

#robin Buckley #eddie munson #steve Harrington #steddie #stobin #honestly most steddie fics lack robin absolutely razzing on eddie #eddie being famous? she has apublic forum for teasing him. #tbh to me famous eddie is a vehicle for robin being funny (esp if qpr lavender marriage stobin) #rockstar eddie munson #platonic stobin #finda's rambles #finda writes stuff #not really but kinda #stranger things #actually. robin would do this either way if eddie was famous or not #she just more reach and influence if eddie is famous

[whyoneartheven]

there are so many "if this gets (insert number) notes i'll do something productive/good for me!" but has there ever been one where someone goes

if this gets 10k notes i'll slap myself in the face

i suppose i'm wondering

would people be so eager to reblog if it would cause something slightly unpleasant?

#i'm honestly curious #i would have just made the post #but i don't want people to be worried abt me slapping myself in the face XD #evie rambles #okee dokee back to school now #help i need sleep #maybe being quarantined is making me go insane #i haven't talked to anyone outside my family for like over 2 weeks bc we've been sick #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh

[brookheimer]

not sure why people don't seem to understand that shiv being the victim of misogyny and vitriol from all the men in her life can and does coexist with the fact that she is not a feminist liberal hero fighting to save democracy. why is it that we never afford her any nuance? she's either the only good person on the show and deserves to kill every man in a ten foot radius (twitter) or a uniquely evil cruel sociopath with no heart fueled entirely by spite (reddit). is it not just so much more interesting for her to be a fascism aiding and abetting character like the rest of them who also views herself as more progressive in spite of everything else about her and who undergoes horrific treatment at the hands of the men around her yet has no interest in undoing the system that allows them to do so, only in ruling it herself? shiv is not any better than the others nor is she any worse than them. there's no Evil Olympics here guys, nor should there be. snook said it herself in the after credits sequence -- shiv was just lucky that her interests aligned with her sympathies. who knows what she would've done had mencken been her best personal option? yes she cares infinitely more about politics than roman, yes she is still very much interested in maintaining the capitalist, fascist structure and even strengthening it, so long as it ends with her on top (which either way would be a win for liberal causes bc Woman). fascism isn't one-size-fits-all. it's not just mencken and trump. it's also mattson. it's also logan. it's also roman and shiv and kendall. that's... kind of one of the main points of succession? but even so, that does not negate the fact that as a woman it is so hard to watch some of the scenes with her and tom/roman/kendall -- of course that misogyny will resonate with female viewers, as it should!!! but that resonance needs to coexist with a deeper understanding of her character -- if you want to root for a bad bitch fighting against misogyny go watch, i don't know, captain marvel or whatever. what makes shiv interesting is that she's so so so much more than that -- she is the product, victim, and perpetrator of misogyny and fascism, two concepts so heavily intertwined they're virtually inextricable from each other. tl;dr it's one thing to be like my god someone give shiv a gun and it's another entirely to say, entirely seriously, that shiv is the Good Liberal Feminist One and the rest are all evil. like i absolutely adore shiv but i would honest to god find her so fucking boring if she were actually the person these tweets make her out to be i'm sorry

#me: shiv isn't evil! \ everyone: oh so she's the only good one? #me: shiv isn't good! \ everyone: oh so she's the only evil one? #NUANCE GUYS. IT EXISTS. #honestly i just don't get it. how are you all not just like bored by the versions of these characters you've created #all this being said. every man that called shiv hysterical tonight should be shot and killed. #<3 #succession #succession spoilers #casey shut the fuck up about shiv roy #shiv roy #long post #100 #500 #1000 #dude if i thought this would get notes i would’ve proofread it first. LMAO #like this is literally a word vomit ramble that i didn’t even read before posting . embarrassing 4 me #this time on posts i didn’t expect to get notes

[neverevan]

worth all the love in world... Ryan Guzman, do not do this to me, I am weak.

#honestly the way they know and love these characters #just wow #ryan guzman #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie #911 #911 abc #911 s7 #ramblings

[anna-scribbles]

they should've been at the club(infertility treatment centers)

#like guys. be real with me. how many options did you even try before turning to dark magic #nothing about the situation called for all that😭 #in my mind they're like 22 and 25 here which makes it all even funnier #guys please just adopt a dog or something😭 #nothing about either of you screams ready for parenthood #im so happy adrien agreste exists but the circumstances of his birth are so ridiculous #there is so much gabe and emilie couldve done besides this. they could have done anything #honestly knowing them(<-girl who believes she knows them) im not even convinced the infertility treatment wasnt working #I think they just both were so allured by the concept of a magic baby #they were like six months in and hadn't gotten pregnant yet and were like. well. I guess we're out of options! dark magic it is! #and made it everyone else's problem forever #these two wanted to be doomed by the narrative SO bad #honestly though being a 22 year old girl I kind of yet it. sometimes I see a cute baby and want one so bad maybe I too would use dark magic #maybe emilie agreste was just a girl. #anyway. sorry adrien that your parents were Like This but it is so so funny #anna rambles #ml #gabriel agreste #emilie agreste

[foldingfittedsheets]

Hands down one of my worst experiences in high school was when the seniors decided to extort the entire school by using tactics that were banned by the UN to get them to pay for the senior party! If that sounds like a wild sentiment stay tuned because this shit got crazy.

I was living in Arizona at the time and I was a freshman. Our campus was largely open air, with walks between class room buildings and some covered outdoor tables. Our event began with a morning announcement. The seniors were collecting donations for the senior party, and when they reached their goal, their fundraising method would stop.

Their fundraising method:

To pipe the entire schools speakers with "If You're Happy and You Know It" on loop. To this day, I cannot hear this song without experiencing a degree of rage and madness that is frankly alarming. One of the worst parts of the entire thing was that the recording they chose had the female singer do a little clap and say "Yay-ha-hey," at the end. So it wasn't just the song, it was this awful little cooldown stinger at the end.

If this sounds a lot like psychological torture you'd be extremely correct! This practice has been banned in some countries, but the good old US hasn't ruled it a human rights violation, and what a fun silly way to raise money, that definitely wasn't damaging to adolescent psyches!

Every morning for 15 minutes before school began, every passing period, every lunch, and after school for another 15 minutes they blasted that fucking song on unceasing repeat through every speaker in the school. Everyone found different ways of coping with this and mine was to observe my classmates descent into madness and categorize the stages.

The first stage was almost completely consistent, and it was a smug almost exasperated eye rolling phase. Often accompanied by derisive comments about the song or the tactic, this phase was extremely mildly annoyed. Most people figured it would blow over soon, and no one anticipated this continuing for a week and a half, creating a miasma of fraught tension.

The second phase was elevated annoyance, starting to snap and be less amused characterized this level of irritation. People would try to cover their ears or put on headphones, humming aggressively to block out the syrupy repulsive children's performer with her loathsome little clap. This phase had people picking their absolute least favorite part of the song. Her inflection on certain words, her timing between verses. I think it's pretty clear already which part I hated most.

The next phase was a bounce back out to absurdity. It became funny how annoying it was and people would sing along as if to challenge the song's authority over their psyche. This paired exceptionally poorly with people in phase two as they'd often lash out at the people giving more voice to their hell.

The fourth phase was a dead-eyed madness. People would stare straight ahead and their lips would silently mouth the familiar words. The song had pounded its way into their very soul and was inextricably linked to auditory output. They often didn't even realize if they began chanting along.

The fifth and final phase was pure uncut pubescent rage. Kids would scream, attack each other, and in a truly epic end to the event hurl a cafeteria chair with such force at the speaker in the cafeteria to irreparably damage the sound system.

The seniors got funding for a party, but some of it had to go to repair the damages, which were substantial.

#ramblies #funny #ffs foibles #high school #when I transferred back to my home state they tried something similar with the song “Blue”. The teachers were threatening to walk by lunch #I'm honestly astonished that none of the teachers rebelled in arizona? It had to be just as bad for them and it played in classrooms