#like this is literally a word vomit ramble that i didn’t even read before posting . embarrassing 4 me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

caelesjjk · 3 years

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if by chance | ksj

⟶ summary: Kim Seokjin is your drop dead gorgeous neighbor across the hall. One night after too many drinks, he helps make sure you're taken care of and safe. But the next morning, he has a proposition for you, and who are you to turn it down?

pairing: dad(dilf?)!Seokjin x female reader

rating: 18+

genre: strangers to lovers, neighbors!au friends with benefits, dad!bts, slice of life

warnings: Mention of vomit, drinking alcohol

explicit sexual content: smut in the forms of; kissing (lots of it), fingering, oral (f. receiving), unprotected sex (thats a no no please wrap it up), different positions, lots and lots of dirty talk, Jin has a big dick, multiple orgasms

word count: 9.7k

banner: by me ☺️

A/N: hello my loves! i really hope everyone will enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. This is my baby and so are these characters. There will likely be about 8 parts to this series, so please look out for more to come! Feedback would be really awesome!

Also shoutout to the wonderful people who beta read this for me, @pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles who always listens to me ramble my ideas and lets me whine about actually having to write in order for something to get done. @chim-chim-in-ie for somehow always being able to read my mind when I’m trying to talk things out and always cheering me on. And finally to @nightshadevinter for looking over things for me and really helping me feel confident enough to post this!

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God, you wished you could remember how you had gotten so drunk…or why you drank 6 cosmopolitans. It was your friends birthday and yet, here you were stumbling off the elevator of your apartment building towards your door.

The guy driving the Uber had to wake you up several times on the way home. Lucky for you, he was a very sweet and understanding gentleman who at least got you into the lobby of your apartment building before he left you. You managed to get into the elevator, even though your legs felt like they were full of concrete.

Wearing heels was yet another mistake you had made that evening. You were so excited to get dressed up and have a fancy night out with your friends that you hadn’t considered the consequences beforehand.

Your shoes were ruined. You had definitely thrown up outside the bar before the car picked you up and your shoes took the brunt of it. You whined to yourself as you pulled them off your feet and tossed them by your door in the hallway. You tried to pull down your dress that was bunching on your thighs and start digging for your keys in your purse while still keeping your balance. The world literally felt like it was turning sideways.

You tried to no avail to dig your keys from your purse, throwing some of the contents around onto the floor. Receipts and gum wrappers strewn all around you as you started to get blubbery.

“Goddammit. Why is this happening to me!?” You threw yourself down onto the floor, not caring how unsanitary it might be. You stared at the ceiling, hoping that this was some kind of nightmare and you were going to wake up inside your warm apartment with your plants and your beta fish any moment now.

Just as you’re about to lose consciousness and fall asleep in the hallway of your apartment building, an absolute mess on the floor, you hear the dinging of the elevator, signaling someone is about to see the aftermath of your epic breakdown.

You sit up too fast, your head spinning again, making your fumble as you pull down your dress and start scrambling around to pick up all of your shit from the floor. You look up when the doors open to the elevator. It’s exactly who you didn’t want it to be, of course it is.

Your very attractive neighbor from across the hall, Kim Seokjin, with his sleepy son in his arms steps into the hallway, pausing when he makes eye contact with you on the floor. To say you were mortified was the understatement of the year.

“Shit.” You mumble to yourself, grabbing your purse and attempting to stand up, failing twice before you actually get to your feet.

“What’s wrong with that lady, daddy?” The sleepy little boy says as he raises his head from his fathers shoulder. You move to stand against your door, looking at the two of them wide eyed.

“I think she just needs a little help, buddy.” Jin presses his sons head back into his shoulder and then brings his eyes back to you. “Stay there for a moment?” He says.

“I’m okay…you don’t have to…” You look down at your crumpled dress and bare feet, knowing you’re not being very convincing.

“Stay.” He says once more, smiling gently before he turns around and unlocks his own door, shutting it quietly behind him.

It takes awhile, and you desperately search for your keys again in hopes that you’ll find them before he returns. You hope that by some miracle you never run into him again. But to your dismay, Jin returns to the hallway while you’re searching.

“Could I take a look?” He comes to stand next to you, putting his hand out for your bag. You sigh, feeling more tears form in your eyes as you hand him the bag.

“I think i must’ve left them inside.” You sniffle, attempting to wipe some of the eyeliner off your face but likely making it worse. Jin smiles, opening the different zippers and looking through the pockets for your keys. After a moment, he pulls them from the side pocket and jingles them in front of your face.

“Master of keys.” He says, trying to make you laugh but you only start crying harder when you see the keys.

“Why did I drink so much? This is the worst possible night…I’m so sorry…you don’t have to help me anymore…I….I…” You sob and sniffle and Jin steps around you to unlock your door for you.

“What did you drink that got you in such a state?” He asks, putting the keys back in your bag.

“Cosmopolitans.” You almost gag when you say the word and Jin immediately looks worried at your distress.

“Alright then, Cosmo. Let’s get you inside and into bed.” He puts a gentle hand on your shoulder while opening your door for you to enter.

“What if you come in here and rob me? Or steal my underwear?” You stumble forward but don’t stop him when he comes in behind you. Jin laughs, holding you steady.

“I’ve got no need for your underwear, I promise.” He sits your bag down on your entryway table and leads you towards your room.

You stare at his side profile as he leads you down the hall. Perfect nose. Perfect jaw. Perfectly shaped mouth with pouty lips. He was fucking stunning. You knew that he was, he had lived across the hall from you for six months. But you hadn’t seen him this close up. And right now his dark brown hair looked so soft your drunk brain was tempted to reach out and touch it.

“You’re so hot.” You accidentally say it out loud not even realizing what you’ve said until he’s smiling down at you as he maneuvers you to sit on your bed. You slap your hand over your mouth.

“Is that so?” He teases, leaving you on your bed to walk into your bathroom.

“I’m really sorry…that wasn’t supposed to come out.” Your cheeks are so flaming hot they burn to touch.

“Relax, Cosmo. I’m not offended.” Jin says as he emerges from your bathroom with a wet washcloth in his hand.

“Oh you don’t have-“ You start to say, but Jin merely stoops down in front of you, making your breath catch when he’s face to face with you.

“Be good, and let me help you.” He says quietly, the smallest bit of authority in his voice making you clench your legs together. You don’t dare try to speak, just nod your head in agreement.

Jin brings the warm washcloth up to your face and starts wiping beneath your eyes to get the smudged makeup. Once that’s done, he gently wipes your forehead and then around your lips. You can feel your eyelashes flutter closed from how good it feels to have him do this.

“Perfect.” He whispers, making your eyes come back open slowly, taking you a moment to refocus your eyes on his handsome face.

“Thank you.” You aren’t even sure if he could hear you say it, but his close proximity is making you feel dizzy. Or maybe it’s the booze.

“Take your clothes off, I’ll throw them in the laundry for you.” He says, standing up and breaking eye contact.

“I’m not changing in front of you.” You’re suddenly aware that he’s actually in your apartment and it isn’t some dream. “You should probably go.”

“You puked on your dress…and your hair.” Jin says as he looks at the top of your head. “Go shower and throw your clothes out here. I won’t have to see you naked, Cosmo.” He stands and looks at you expectantly.

“Fine.” You pout, standing up carefully but still wobbling on your baby deer legs. Jin puts his hand under your arm again and walks with you to the door of your bathroom.

“This seems like a lot of trouble for someone to go through for their drunken neighbor. Won’t your son be missing you?” You walk into the bathroom, the cold tiles giving you goosebumps when your bare feet touch them.

“He’s asleep. I had to go pick him up from his moms because he didn’t want to stay. Hence my late arrival home.” Jin leans against the door frame and watches you turn the shower on. “And I’d rather make sure you’re okay than find out you drowned in your own vomit.”

“Gee, thanks.” You roll your eyes, making him laugh.

“Throw the puke dress out here, Cosmo. I’ll let myself out after that.” Jin puts his hand on the door knob and starts to close the door.

“Wait…” You stop the door. “You know that my name isn't actually Cosmo, right?”

“Yes. We’ve been neighbors for six months, I know your name.” He leans on the door frame again, arm above his head as he looks down at you.

“We never talk…I wasn’t sure.” You clear your throat, pulling your bottom lip into your mouth nervously. Why does he have to look at you that way? “Could you maybe help me get this thing off?” You motion down towards your dress, knowing how difficult it was to put on 6 hours ago, you can only imagine the task now.

“Does it have a zipper?” Jin comes back into the bathroom, a soft smile on his face.

“No, I need to pull it over my head. Can you…close your eyes and pull it off?” You look at him apologetically.

“Alright. Arms up.” Jin steps up to you and closes his eyes. “Just put my hands where they need to go.”

You take a second to look at his face again. Pretty eyelashes casting shadows beneath his eyes. Dark brown hair covering his forehead, slightly messed from the long night he’s likely had. It makes you feel badly that he’s helping you.

“Still there, Cosmo?” Jin breaks your thoughts but keeps his eyes closed.

“Sorry.” You reach out and take his hands, guiding them down to the hem of your dress, breath hitching when his fingers brush over the skin of your thighs. “Okay.”

Jin grips the material and starts to pull it up your body. You lift your arms and hold your breath until the dress gets stuck around your head.

“What’s happening? Why won’t it come off?” Jin pulls a little harder but it won’t budge. Your arms are tangled and you can’t see a thing with the dress covering your face.

“I don’t know why this happens. I hoped it wouldn’t if you helped.” You try to pull it over your head but end up tangled more. The two of you bumping into each other and stumbling around your bathroom.

“What kind of demon dress is this?” Jin yanks it up once more, and the dress comes flying off, sending you stumbling back against your vanity and knocking everything off of it in the process. Jin loses his balance, but manages to grab onto the door frame to stay up right.

“Shit. I’m so sorry.” You go to reach for him before you realize that you’re standing there in nothing but a pair of underwear. “Oh my god!” You screech, arms flying up to cover your breasts while Jin laughs hysterically.

“I didn’t see anything, I swear.” He tries to say between his windshield wiper sounding laughs. You would probably enjoy the sound of it if you weren’t almost naked.

“I think I’m going to get sick again.” You’re so embarrassed that it’s making you nauseous.

“Don’t be embarrassed. I’ll just take your dress and put it in the laundry for you.” He folds your dress up in his hands and starts to leave.

“Jin?” You keep your arms over your chest but you step closer to him. “Thank you…for helping me.”

“Take a shower. Get some sleep. I’m sure I’ll see you around, Y/N.” He shoots you a quick wink before he’s closing the bathroom door and you’re left standing there with a ridiculous look on your face.

You manage to get yourself into the shower, washing your hair twice just to make sure there was no way there could be puke left in it. You can’t stop thinking about the insane encounter with your extremely attractive neighbor that just happened. That was just the wildest thing that could have happened. You’re never drinking again.

Feeling at least a bit more sober when you get out of the shower, you walk out into your bedroom wrapped in a towel, peeking around the corners to see if he’s still there. You reach the kitchen and Jin appears to have kept his word and let himself out of your apartment. Though you aren’t sure what he’s done with the puke dress, since the laundry room for the apartment building is downstairs.

You see a note stuck to your front door and make your way over to it. Jin must have managed to find your pad of sticky notes in the kitchen. You pluck it from the door.

Cosmo,

If you ever want to see your dress again, you’ll have to come over for breakfast. See you then.

Breakfast? He wants you to come over for breakfast? Wouldn’t his son be there? Won’t that be weird? Oh god you can’t deal with this right now. You crumple the note and toss it somewhere into your apartment before making your way back to your bedroom. You fall asleep…or pass out…in your towel, wet hair and all.

When you peel your eyes open the next morning, your head pounds and your vision is blurry. Your towel had come undone at some point in the night and you were sprawled out completely naked across your sheets.

“Fuck my life.” You sit up, grabbing a tshirt and some sleep shorts from your closet. You got dressed very carefully, then made your way into the kitchen.

You wanted to remember more than you did. Only bits and pieces of the night managed to make their way into your memory. But when you turn to grab your coffee maker you see a crumpled piece of paper lying next to it, your eyebrows scrunching together in confusion before picking it and unfolding it.

Cosmo,

If you ever want to see your dress again, you’ll have to come over for breakfast. See you then.

Shit.

Fuck. Fuck. You had almost forgotten the hot dad across the hall had taken care of your stupid drunk ass last night. You throw yourself over the countertop, your top half lying across it as you whine and stomp your feet, screeching into the granite.

You make a run for the bathroom, looking in the mirror at your rats nest of hair sticking out in every direction. You try to no avail to smooth it out but falling asleep with it wet has made that impossible. You grab a hair tie, throwing your messy hair on top of your head before bending down to splash water on your clammy skin.

You stop at your closet again, throwing some slides onto your feet and making your way back to your front door. You can’t breathe, there’s no point in trying to catch it, so instead, you walk out of your apartment and take the few steps across the hall, knocking on Jin's door.

“You can come in!” You hear Jin's voice shout from inside the apartment. You hesitate a moment, but open the door and step inside.

Once the door clicks shut, you look around the entryway to see two coat hooks holding one very small jacket and one very big jacket. There’s also an alpaca shaped little backpack hanging there as well and it makes you smile. But down to the left, sitting on the entryway table, was your dress from last night, folded neatly with your heels that you had worn sitting next to them. Your shoes had been cleaned and your dress had gone through the laundry. You could barely believe that someone would do that for you, let alone someone who hardly knew you.

The further you walk into the apartment the more your sense of smell starts to pick up on the food that is being cooked in the kitchen. It smells so good that your stomach starts rumbling.

“Jin?” You say as you approach the kitchen.

“Morning, Cosmo.” Jin smiles at you from the kitchen island where he appears to be serving his son some food. The little boy turns around on the tall stool and looks at you. You freeze.

“Your name is Cosmo? That’s the coolest name ever!” The little boy smiles, the same smile as his dad who stands behind him. So very endearing.

“I guess you could call me that.” You say, glaring at Jin who only smiles wider.

“Breakfast?” Jin asks, turning to grab another plate from the cabinet.

“I really don’t want you to go through any trouble…you did a lot last night.” You fold your hands behind your back.

“We have plenty of food, don’t we, Songho?” Jin ruffles his son's hair and makes him giggle.

“You can sit by me Cosmo! Right here!” Songho points to the stool next to him excitedly. You’ve never seen such an adorable child and you can’t help but to join him at the kitchen island.

“It’s nice to meet you, Songho.” You tell him as you sit and watch Jin pile food onto your plate. There’s rice, ribs, kimchi, and soup set out. It isn’t what you would typically eat for breakfast, but you know that Jin is from South Korea, even if that’s the only thing that you know.

“Appa is the best cook! Try it.” Songho bounces excitedly on his stool when Jin sits the food down in front of you.

“Is he now?” You ask, looking across the kitchen island and meeting Jin's eyes, his cheeks get a little pink and so do the tops of his ears but he smiles at his son.

“Eat up, buddy. I need to get you back to mommy’s house.” Jin looks a little sad as he says the words.

“Do I have to go back to mommy’s?” Songho pouts his bottom lip, stirring his spoon into his soup.

“It’s her weekend to see you, Songho. I only came to get you last night because mommy said you were upset.” Jin watches you from the corner of his eye, hoping you won’t run for the hills. You give him a small, reassuring smile.

“Okay, Appa.” Songho pouted a little more but went back to eating his food. You wanted to pat his head but you resisted. This child barely knew you.

“Would you mind hanging out here while I take him back? I wanted to ask you something.” Jin says to you, catching you mid bite into a short rib.

“You can’t tell me now?” You ask, a little wide eyed and worried. Jin just shakes his head ‘no’ and nods towards Songho. Oh. “Yeah…I suppose I could wait.”

“Great. Shouldn’t be long.” Jin takes one last bite and then comes around to your side of the kitchen island, leaning down to whisper in your ear. “You have my permission to snoop through whatever you like, Cosmo.”

You almost choke on your food, turning to look at him. He merely winks.

“Say goodbye to Cosmo, Songho.” Jin helps his son down from the tall stool and Songho comes to stand right in front of you, sweet smile on his face.

“Bye bye Cosmo! Come to our house for breakfast again, okay?” He waves his little hand at you, and you aren’t sure you could ever tell this child no.

“I’m sure I’ll see you soon, Songho.” You wave back, and the little boy giggles before skipping his way towards the entryway. Jin stops and turns to you once more.

“I hope you’ll be here when I get back.” He rubs at the back of his neck and looks you over. “Cute sleep shorts by the way.” He teases. You roll your eyes.

“I’ll be here…purely out of curiosity. Not because I want to snoop through my neighbors' things.” You tell him, hoping he takes you seriously.

“Come on, daddy!” Songho says from the entryway. Jin looks over at him fondly then back at you.

“Stay. Please.” He smiles gently and you nod as he goes to help Songho put on his coat and backpack.

When the door clicks shut, you release the longest breath you’ve ever held. Were you holding it the entire time? You stand up from the stool you were perched on and look at the dishes sitting on the counter and scattered about the kitchen. Of course you probably shouldn’t, but because of the person you are, you start gathering the dishes up. You rinse a few things in the sink and load it all into the dishwasher, searching the cabinets until you find the dish detergent and start it up.

You were just helping out a neighbor…or friend right? It didn’t mean anything that you did his dishes for him. As a dad, you’re sure he would appreciate not having to do them. You sighed, walking out into the living room to look around, but certainly not snoop.

His apartment was cozy. Of course the layout was the same as yours, but his taste was obviously much different. There were lots of pictures of Songho hung on the walls and on the mantle. Baby pictures, toddler pictures and all the way until now. He’s smiling so big in every one, but especially in the ones where Jin is in it with him. They really do look so much alike.

There’s a bookcase filled with books, the bottom two shelves reserved for songho. They must read together a lot, you can’t help but smile at that.

Jin must also really love the color pink. All of his throw pillows have some sort of pink floral design on them, the accent chair in the corner covered in pink stripes, it’s endearing and makes you smile again. Why are you smiling so much?

You wish that you knew how long he was going to take. It feels strange just sitting in his apartment when you don’t really know each other, but your curiosity really has gotten the better of you, and you want to know what he wants to ask you, even though you can’t imagine what it could possibly be.

You start making yourself comfortable on the couch, flopping down on your back and tossing your arms above your head. Staring up at the ceiling always seems to be what you do when you overthink something, which is exactly what you’re doing in this situation. While you’re overthinking, your eyes start to feel heavy and eventually fall shut when you can't fight them open any longer.

“Cosmo.” Jin’s voice sounds very far away, not sure you’ve actually heard it. “Wake up.” This time you know you heard it, and you force your eyes to open.

“Hmm? You’re back?” You stretch your arms, letting your eyes adjust and focus on his face. He’s sitting on the edge of the couch next to your hip, looking down at you.

“I thought about letting you sleep, but I thought you would be upset if I did.” Jin puts his hand out and you take it, letting him help you sit up.

“You may have been correct.” You rub the sleep from your face and then bring your attention back to him. “What did you want to ask me?”

“Want to get straight to the point then, yeah?” He smiles nervously, his ears turning pink again. You sigh.

“Jin.” You look at him expectantly and he puts his hands up in surrender.

“Okay then, Cosmo.” Jin thinks it over for a moment, wondering the best way to say it. “I have a proposition for you.”

“Proposition?” You’re more confused than ever. “Do you need a babysitter or something?” Jin laughs when you say the last part.

“No, not babysitting. Something between me and you…something we both might want.” Jin's whole neck is turning pink now.

“Please just come out with it. The guessing game and riddles are too much.” You fold your arms over your chest.

“Do you want to have sex…with me?” He lets out an exasperated breathy laugh. You look at him dumbfounded. “Casually…no strings attached…no titles…just sex between friends.”

“You want me to be your fuck buddy?” It just falls from your mouth before you can stop it. Jin looks more scared than ever.

“When you say it like that it sounds awful. I just…I can’t have a serious relationship…I can’t imagine dating or explaining a girlfriend to my son. He always comes first…and I need something that allows that to happen.” Jin looks at you sincerely, full lips slightly parted and eyes on you.

“Why me?” It’s the only question you can think to ask right now.

“I mean…you’re right across the hall…you already know about Songho and he knows about you, he thinks we’re friends and we could keep it that way.” Jin runs his hand through his hair before resting his elbows on his knees.

“Are you…even attracted to me? Or is it just convenient?” You can’t believe you’re even considering this, but you are.

“Of course I’m attracted to you, Cosmo. But is the convenience of it all really such a bad thing? I’ve never seen you bring anyone home, and doing this would mean you have me whenever you want me as long as Songho isn’t here.” Jin scoots closer to you, invading your space a bit.

“But when he’s home, no fooling around?” You really are considering this…

“Exactly. We can do…friend things when he’s around. Watch movies or something, ya know? And of course you don’t even have to hang out with me at all. I don’t want this to stop you from finding someone, after all.” His hand has made its way to rest on your leg, his thumb soothing along the indentation of your knee cap.

“I don’t think I would mind hanging out with Songho…he’s great.” You feel ridiculous. Smiling at a time like this.

“So it’s the little Kim that’s caught your eye?” Jin teases and you playfully smack his shoulder. “Does that mean you want to try?”

“I don’t know, Jin. It’s such a bizarre thing. You were cleaning up my vomit last night and now you want to have sex with me? Regularly?” You shake your head with disbelief.

“You don’t give yourself enough credit, Cosmo.” His words are gentle, and so is the hand that reaches up and brushes your hair away from your face.

“What if we don’t like it? I mean you might hate having sex with me.”

“Do you want to try and find out?” He says it so casually it takes your breath away.

“Now?” You almost choke on the word.

“Songho isn’t here, I’m all yours.” He scoots a little closer and you clench your legs shut.

“Shit. I can’t think straight.” You take a deep breath, looking over to him again. “Maybe…maybe we should kiss and see what happens?”

“Okay, Cosmo. Whenever you’re ready, you can kiss me.” Jin watches you carefully, but waits patiently.

You can feel your hands shaking with nerves. How did you manage to get here? Sitting in front of this beautiful man with an offer like this one? Maybe you should feel offended…maybe you should feel badly in some way…but you don’t. Because you know that you would take whatever little piece of him he was willing to give you. All these months just admiring him from a distance and now he’s right in front of you.

With shaky fingers and a shaky breath you reach up and press your fingertips to the side of his face, running them along his jaw, thumb caressing his cheek. Jin let’s his eyes fall shut, and that’s when you take the opportunity to lean forward and press your lips against his.

Unsure lips meet the softness of his full ones, just barely brushing over them, featherlight.

“More.” He says against your mouth, making your breath shake again. It’s not a demand, it’s a plea.

You carefully slot your lips with his, adding more pressure. Jin starts moving his own lips in sync with yours, quiet smacking sounds beginning to fill and take over your mind. His lips taste so good, a taste you can’t even explain but is completely all his. So good that you want more, your tongue curiously prodding at the seam of his lips.

Jin doesn’t hesitate to open his mouth to you and let your tongue explore. It’s so gentle and so sweet, tongues languidly tangling together. You can feel his uneven breath as it falls against your mouth, you can tell that his hands are itching to touch you.

Kissing him this way is overwhelming. He’s invaded every sense that you have, and when he gets impatient, the palms of his hands slide beneath your ass on the couch and scoop you up to straddle his lap. You squeal against his lips in surprise and he smiles into the kiss.

“Needed to touch you, Cosmo.” His big hands caress your ass cheeks a few times, sliding up and resting on your lower back. “So soft.” He hums against your mouth.

“What else…what else do you want to do?” You say between swipes of his tongue. Jin stops kissing you, making you whine a little as you chase after his lips.

“We have a lot of time.” He kisses your lips once, then kisses your cheek, down your jaw until he reaches your neck, where he starts to suck gently on your sensitive skin. “But maybe before we go any further, I should go grab condoms?” It’s a question, like he isn’t sure if that’s what you want.

“I’m on birth control…we don’t have to use them.” You’re already starting to ache between your legs at the thought of him cumming inside you.

“I want to do whatever you’re comfortable with, Y/N.” He says your real name, so he must be serious. The look on his face says the same.

“I…trust you. That might make me an idiot, I’m not sure.” You laugh quietly, nervously messing with your hair.

“I trust you too.” Jin leans forward and kisses your cheek, your noses brushing when you turn your head. He smiles sweetly, diving back in to kiss along your throat after being satisfied enough with your birth control answer.

“Oh.” It comes out breathy and your hands slide into his hair. It’s even softer than you imagined it would be.

“Can I take this off?” Eager fingers kneed at the exposed skin of your lower back, where he has started pushing up your sleep shirt. Maybe you should feel nervous about him seeing you naked but that feeling doesn’t come, so you nod in agreement.

Jin bunches the material into his fingers and glides them up your sides and you instinctively lift your arms above your head so he can pull it all the way off. The white cotton material slips from his fingers and onto the floor next to the couch.

Dark chocolatey eyes scan up from your midsection until they fall on your naked breasts. You hadn’t taken the time to throw on a bra before you came over here and looking back now, you’re almost glad that you didn’t. Jin's fingers come back to your skin, breaking you from your wandering thoughts.

“Been thinking about these for awhile.” His hands slide up your stomach until they’re cupped beneath your breasts and he squeezes gently. Your head falls back for a moment, soft whimpers leaving your mouth as he continues to knead your flesh. “They did not disappoint.” He pinches one of your nipples between his fingers and the sound that leaves you next is a mix of a laugh from his previous statement and a very desperate moan. “Fuck, I like that sound. Come here.”

One of his palms slides around to your back and flattens against it, beckoning you forward so that his plush lips can wrap around the unattended nipple. Your hips can no longer stay still when he starts to use his tongue, switching between deep sucks and wet licks against the pert bud. You grind down against his crotch, feeling how hard he’s become for the first time. And from what you can tell, Jin is not the slightest bit small.

“Too many clothes.” Your hands fall from his hair to his broad shoulders, grasping desperately at the material of his shirt, wanting it off of him immediately. Jin takes your hint, reaches behind him and pulls his shirt off.

You take a moment before kissing him again to appreciate the body that he’s always hiding beneath big tshirts and loose fitted clothing. His chest was so broad as it melted into his shoulders, hard muscles leading down to his stomach that was the slightest bit soft as you ran your fingers over it. You want to memorize all the dips and curves and beauty marks that dotted his skin. And more than anything, you wanted to lean down and kiss every inch of him.

Perhaps you were staring too long though, because while you’re completely captivated you see his hands come into your vision and try to cover himself a little, his neck getting a bit flushed again.

“I haven’t had someone look at me that way…in a long time.” He laughs nervously, and your brow knits in confusion.

“You’re…really beautiful, Jin.” You feel your cheeks heat, but you didn’t want him to feel like he was less than beautiful. “It’s okay.” You take his hands in yours and move them above his head pinning them to the back of the couch.

“Kiss me at least.” He breathes, leaning forward to chase after your lips. You smile at the way he puckers his lips, but can’t seem to deny him anything. Your lips meet his halfway, making him hum in approval at the feeling.

Eventually he works his hands out of yours, still pinned to the couch so he can bring them back to your body. They rest on your hips momentarily while he debates with himself if he should slip them beneath your shorts. When you grab his wrist and move it to where it slips under the band of the flimsy shorts, he smiles against your mouth and moves his fingers to grip at your ass, rolling you down onto his straining cock still confined in his jeans. It makes you whimper into his mouth and sets something off in your brain.

Your hands move down his chest and over his stomach until they reach the button of his jeans, popping it open and pulling the denim apart until the zipper slides down as well. Nervous fingers slip inside to touch his cock over the material of his boxers. Jin groans and lifts his hips up into your hand. You explore the length of him, feeling how thick and long he is and it makes every muscle in your stomach and pussy clench.

“So…big.” You say between kisses. Jin laughs quietly, fingers sliding into your hair.

“Inflating my ego so soon, aegiya?” Jin moans and lifts his hips again when you continue to palm him over his boxers.

“Aegiya?” You ask, still seeking out his lips.

“It’s baby…in Korean.” His hands move back down to start pushing your shorts over the globes of your ass.

“Calling me such endearing nicknames when we’re fucking so casually?” You tease, squeezing your hand around him.

“Mmm. Touché, Cosmo. Guess it slipped out.” His cheeks are pink, but his hands are on a mission, slipping the shorts down a little further. “Can I put my fingers here?” Long fingers ghost over the soaking lips of your pussy and you flinch a little at the feeling. It really has been awhile.

“Please.” Your eyes fall shut and head falls back when he slips one finger through your folds, but not slipping inside just yet.

“So wet.” He groans against your neck, tongue laving at your pulse point. He continues that torturous teasing, not quite dipping his finger inside you where you want him until you grab ahold of his wrist, pushing his hand down towards your entrance where you want him. “Needy to get me here?” Jins long middle finger finally breeches you, pushing inside to his last knuckle, slowly petting at your walls.

“Another one…another finger please.” Your voice is desperate and you can feel the thin sheen of sweat start to form on your skin. Hips pushing down, trying to get more of him inside you.

“Tell me something first…” His mouth swallows one of your nipples again before he continues his sentence, sucking long and hard, your hands flying back into his hair at the sensation. “What are you looking forward to more? My tongue tasting you or my cock filling this pretty pussy to the brim?” A second finger joins the other, moans of his name falling from your lips. It would appear this sweet, loving dad has a filthy mouth. “I’m going to need an answer, Cosmo.”

“Fuck…your cock. Really, really want it.” You hardly recognize the sound of your own voice, it’s filled with so much lust and desire.

“I want to be inside you…fuck I do.” Jin swallows thickly as he watches you writhe on his fingers. “But I’m going to make you cum on my tongue first.” His fingers suddenly slip from your body, making you whine at the loss. Jin grabs your hips, attaching his lips back to yours before he moves you around and presses your back into the couch.

He kisses you another minute, soft and slow. It was such a contrast to the way he was making you feel a moment ago, but you drink in the feeling of his lips anyways. Jin sits up, grabbing your shorts and pulling them off the rest of the way, tossing them so that they land on that pink striped chair in the corner of the room.

You can barely breathe, you're so turned on, but watching Jin slide down your body, eyes never leaving yours was almost your undoing. His lips find the inside of one of your thighs, teeth nipping and leaving tiny red marks in their wake.

That magical tongue didn’t make you wait long, finding it’s way into your folds and licking up any bit of arousal it could find. Jin moaned at the taste of you, diving deeper with his tongue and making you see stars. You tried to sit up for a minute, eyes meeting his again just as he pulled your clit between his lips and sucked. You fall back against the couch, back arching off the leather material, hands grasping at nothing.

“Love my tongue don't you, sweetheart?” He slips it in circles around your clit and you whimper. You want to cum so badly. And just as you start thinking you might not make it, his fingers come back to join his tongue. You almost feel shameful at how loudly you moan his name…not even just Jin…you’re screaming out Seokjin like it’s the only name you’ll ever remember again.

“I need to cum. Please, Jin.” You try to sit up and watch him between your legs again. The noises he’s making as he licks at you are nothing short of obscene, the wet sloppy sounds coming from his fingers as they thrust inside you is so ridiculously hot.

“Touch your clit for me…I’ll make you cum aegiya, I promise.” His hot breath against your pussy makes your walls flutter around his fingers and he smiles.

You prop yourself on one elbow, feeling a little unsure, but listening to his instructions, pointer and middle finger coming down to rub slow circles on your clit. You bite your lip when Jin starts to move his fingers inside you again, twisting his wrist slightly to angle his fingers better. Your head falls back, orgasm threatening to take over again.

“Eyes on me, aegiya.” Jin's voice breaks you from your lusty haze, but only momentarily. When you look down between your legs again, he’s winking at you just before his tongue comes to your clit. It slips against your moving fingers, covering them in his saliva as your movements become faster. The sight of his tongue mingling between your fingers and licking your clit is enough to send you over the edge.

The top half of your body gives way to the pleasure, falling back against the couch and chanting his name over and over until your orgasm has finally stopped. Jin licks at you until he’s caught every drop, moving to sit back on his heels while he wipes his chin and looks down at your spent body. His jeans are still folded open and you can see that he’s still just as hard as he was before he ate your pussy like a three course meal. You make grabby hands towards him.

“Should I help you now?” You ask, voice sounding completely out of breath still. Jin groans a little as he slides his hand down into his jeans and rubs his palm against his cock over his boxers. It’s so hot that you can feel yourself getting wet again just watching him touch himself. He squeezes his cock once more before he yanks down his underwear and jeans, kicking them off his feet quickly.

“Not this time, Cosmo.” He reaches for you as he stands up off the couch. Your body feels like a limp noodle, but you let him lift you into his arms, wrapping your legs around his waist and arms around his neck, hands threading into his hair. “I’m afraid of how quickly I’ll cum if you get your gorgeous lips around my cock.” This mans filthy words have a direct line to that space between your thighs. It’s ridiculous.

With your fingers in his hair you angle his mouth back to yours, tasting what’s left of your arousal off of them. Jin carefully starts to make his way towards the hallway to take you to his bedroom. You’re so busy kissing him that you barely notice that his foot catches on a piece of clothing, or maybe one of Songho’s toys. He’s barely able to keep you both upright, but manages to stay on his feet by pressing you into the wall, only knocking the wind out of you for a second. You can’t help but laugh and wrap your arms tighter around him and bury your face in his neck.

“Are you okay?” You ask between laughs, Jin sighs loudly.

“Did my lack of coordination just ruin the mood?” He pulls his face back, taking your chin in one of his hands so he can see your face, see that you’re really okay as well.

“I’m sure you can make it up to me.” You brush some of his dark brown hair off of his sweaty forehead.

“Or we could…” He looks down between your bodies, where they’re practically meeting already, his cock still hard against the inside of your thigh.

“Right here?” You ask, a little unsure of how it would feel like this.

“If you don’t like it, I’ll ravish you in my bed, Cosmo.” Jin teases, one of his hands coming up to play with your breasts while you think it over.

“That’s very distracting.” You watch his fingers glide around on your skin, ghosting around your nipple.

“Then let me get inside you so I can make you feel good.” He brings both hands back down to your ass, adjusting you higher up on his hips to make it easier to slip inside you.

“Okay, we can try.” You’ve never fucked this way, sex had always been slightly vanilla for you, but for some reason you would let Kim Seokjin take you any way he wanted you without question.

“Good girl.” He whispers, closing his mouth over yours in a searing kiss that has the breath in your lungs disappearing.

It takes more adjusting, but eventually Jin gets you in what he says is the perfect position for wall fucking. One of your legs hitched up high, practically hanging over his ribs, using his hips to hold you against the wall. Long fingers of one hand gripping tightly into the flesh of your ass while the other guides his cock to your entrance. You hold your breath as he starts to sink inside, inch by glorious inch.

“Shit.” You groan, head thumping against the wall when your eyes start to roll back in your head. He was so big. Bigger than anyone else you’ve had.

“Relax, aegiya. You’re squeezing me so tight I can barely get inside you.” Jin brings a hand up to your face, angling it forward and brushing his thumb along your jaw. “Open your eyes. Need you to look at me.” You do as he says, fluttering your eyes open to meet his own.

“I’m sorry. It’s been awhile…and you’re…big.” You bite into your bottom lip when he shifts his hips forward again.

“Ever the flatterer, Cosmo.” He kisses you, soft and sweet, tongues only making momentary appearances. The kiss feels so good, your body finally releases some tension and Jin is able to slide the rest of his cock inside you, completely sheathed.

“Oh god.” You whine at how absolutely full you feel while trying so hard not to clench around him just yet.

“Going to start moving, okay?” Jin keeps your face cupped in one of his hands so he can watch your face when he starts to move. His first thrusts are gentle, not pulling all the way out, but making sure your clit hits his pelvic bone each time he brings you back down onto his cock. The pleasure is maddening.

“Faster, please. Little harder.” You moan and lean forward to press your forehead against his. Jin's mouth falls open in a groan at how completely wrecked your voice sounds already. He does just as you asked, snapping his hips into you at a faster pace, pulling your hips down onto him a little harder.

It was impossible, but you swear you could feel him in your chest. Big cock impaling you over and over. You were barely aware of anything else but him, but you could hear the pictures that were hanging on the wall start to rattle and shake from the way he was fucking you.

“Fuck, you feel so good around me. Taking my cock so well, baby.” Jin's lips are at your ear now, whispering filthy words and praises.

“Please keep talking…it’s…so hot.” Your fingernails are starting to dig lightly into his shoulders as his pace picks up more, your back slides up the wall when he thrusts up into you.

“Yeah? Love dirty talk, huh?” Jin’s panting when he brings his mouth back to your ear. “You’re dripping down my cock right now. So fucking wet, all for me.” His teeth nipped at your ear lobe and the mix of that and his dirty words had your walls clenching around him. He moaned so low and deep into your ear you thought you might lose your mind.

“I think…I think I’m going to cum again, Jin.” Your legs tightened around his hips trying to pull him deeper. “Feels so good.”

“Not yet, aegiya. Need to get you in my bed.” He yanked you from the wall, your head falling back at the suddenness of it.

Jin made the rest of the way down the hall, walking into his bedroom. The hard length of him slipped from inside you as he placed you on your feet, making you groan at the empty feeling.

“What’s wrong?” You pout, and Jin smiles at you softly. He moves to your side, one of his hands ghosting over your hip as he continues his way to stand behind you.

“Can I take you like this?” His other hand slides from your lower back, down your ass cheek, and finally between your legs, fingers dipping inside your pussy.

“From behind?” Your legs are trembling already. Jin hums in agreement, lips coming down to kiss a path along your shoulder. “Okay.” It comes out as a whisper even though you didn’t intend for it to.

“If you get on all fours on the edge of the bed, I can stand behind you.” Jin takes your hand and leads the few steps over to his bed. You take a moment to really see around you, his bed is one of those four post beds. Tall posts that almost reach the ceiling. The dark brown comforter feels extra soft as you climb onto it, fingers gripping the material in anticipation.

You let your feet hang off the edge, knees spread apart. The early afternoon sun is peeking its way through the spaces of the white floral patterned curtains that cover the windows. You’d almost forgotten it was the middle of the day that this whole endeavor was happening. You sit back on your heels for a moment and look over your shoulder to where Jin is standing.

“You’re okay?” He asks, one hand coming up to touch your cheek. “Still okay with this, I mean.”

“Of course.” You run your teeth over your bottom lip. “Are you?” Your eyes meet his and he smiles, thumb coming to pull your lip from your teeth.

“Mm. I think I’m going to like this arrangement very much.” He leans down, brushing your hair off of your neck and pressing a kiss just below your hairline. You feel a little ping in your stomach at the word arrangement. But you push it away, you knew exactly what you were getting into and you’re fine with it.

You reach back behind you, arm wrapping around the back of his neck and gently pulling him forward so that you can kiss him over your shoulder. Jin hums against your lips, pressing his still hard cock against your lower back, wetness from the leaking tip smearing over your skin.

Scratching your nails against his scalp, you push your ass back against him, rolling your hips trying to entice him to put his cock back inside you where you so desperately needed him right now. Jin breaks your kiss then, biting lightly into your bottom lip before he presses a hand between your shoulders and lowers you down onto your elbows, ass in the air.

“No more going slow, going to fuck you so good now.” Jin's voice sounds so fucked out, you want to squeeze your legs together for friction. But his hand is rubbing at your lower back while the other is guiding his cock through your folds and gathering up the wetness before he presses back into you.

“Oh fuck.” You groan, arms threatening to give out under your weight. This angle is so much deeper, the way he’s stretching you out is almost dizzying. “Fuck me, please.”

“Don’t beg, aegiya. I’d never deny you a single thing.” Both big hands grab onto your hips and pull you hard back onto his length. You moan his name, trying to look back but failing. “You want to see me fucking you? Look up at that wall, baby.”

You do as he says, trying to keep your eyes open when he continues his hard thrusts. Once you focus, you can see a long dresser against the wall with a mirror sitting on top of it. You can see Jin's face watching you, his hips snapping against your ass when he starts to pick up the pace.

“Fucking hell, look at you. You like being fucked this way?” Jin continues to meet your eyes in the mirror, it’s so hot that you almost cum again.

“So deep, Jin.” Your hands grip the comforter for dear life when his hips piston against your ass so hard you’re afraid there will be bruises.

Jin presses one of his hands to the middle of your back, beckoning you to lower yourself more. You lay your arms out flat, taking one last look at him in the mirror before turning your head and pressing the side of your face against the mattress.

“Oh god, fuck, that’s it, aegiya. Just like that.” His thrusts are scooting you forward in the bed, but it feels so good that all you can do is moan and whimper. You can’t hold back how your pussy clenches around him anymore.

“Need to cum…please….fuck, please.” You can feel tears forming in the corners of your eyes.

“You’re begging again.” Jin practically growls, kneeing up onto the bed behind you. One arm comes around your waist, hauling you up from your position to press your back against his chest, legs spread over his thighs. The other hand slips up your body and cups your throat, not adding any pressure. “Cum all over my cock.” He’s fucking you slower now, staying deep inside you while he rolls his hips.

Both your arms reach behind you and wrap around his neck, sweaty skin sliding against the others. The arm Jin has around your waist tightens when he feels you start to clench around him again.

“Cumming…oh fuck, Jin, I’m cumming.” Your eyes snap shut when your orgasm starts to take over.

“Watch yourself in the mirror, aegiya. Watch yourself fall apart for me.” Jin brings a finger down to your clit and rubs fast circles against the bud until you’re prying your eyes back open to watch yourself cum harder than you ever have.

Your mouth falls open and your head falls back against his shoulder as he continues to fuck you through it. You chant his name over and over like it’s your new religion, feeling your orgasm start to coat the insides of your thighs as your body gives out. Your oversensitive pussy is throbbing, you need him to cum.

“Jin…” You groan his name, fingers sliding into his hair. “Please…please cum inside me.” You know he doesn’t want you to beg, but you can’t seem to muster up anything else. Jin kisses your neck and brings his lips to your ear.

“Going to fill you up, I promise. Want to see it leaking from you.” He thrusts up into you a little harder, holding you to him tightly.

After a few more deep, hard thrusts, they start to become sloppy and uneven. Jin’s panting and groaning against the back of your neck.

“Come on, baby, I want it so much.” You say, brushing off the fact that you just called him baby.

“Fuck…gonna cum now, aegiya. Fuck, you’re so good for me.” He pulls you down onto his cock just as long hot spurts start to paint your walls.

Jin stills inside you, hands and arms still holding you against his chest as the two of you breathe heavily and try to compose yourselves. You slowly lift your head from his shoulder, looking over into the mirror across the room.

You hardly recognize that person there, her hair is sticky with sweat and frizzy from fingers running through it. Her lips are swollen and eyes still filled with lust, you can’t help the quiet laugh that escapes you. Jin's head that had been resting against your other shoulder lifts slowly to meet your eyes in the mirror.

“Doing okay, Cosmo?” He asks, lips pressing to your shoulder blade.

“Yeah…I’m great.” You reassure him, hand coming down to rest on top of one of his.

Jin tightens his arms around you once more, then lifts you from his lap and let’s his softening cock slip from inside you, both of you groaning as you watch your combined arousals slide down the insides of your thighs in the mirror. You really did not need to get turned on again right now.

“Wait here, I’ll get you something to clean up with.” Jin moves out from behind you and walks his gloriously naked body into his attached bathroom. When he comes back a few minutes later, he’s got on a pair of lime green sweat pants. They’re ridiculous, and so very Jin.

“Thank you.” You say, taking the warm rag from him and quickly cleaning yourself up while Jin goes to the living room to get your clothes for you. You thank him again when he returns.

“So…was that okay?” He asks while you’re pulling your shirt over your head.

“The multiple orgasms you gave me don’t speak for themselves?” You smile and so does he, tops of his ears turning red.

“Be nice, Cosmo.” He reaches for one of your hands and you let him lead you back out into the living room.

“So…what do we do now?” You bite at your lips nervously, not sure where to look. Jin pulls your worried lip from your teeth again with his thumb.

“I haven’t done anything like this either. But now, I think you go home and get some rest. Don’t think you slept much last night, Ms. Cosmopolitan.” Jin teases you, pulling on your hand until he can wrap his arms around you in a hug. You weren’t exactly expecting that, awkwardly hugging him back.

“Right. I should sleep.” You pull back and look at his face, his eyes holding what seem to be the same kind of questions that are likely going through your head as well. Do you kiss?

“Sungho will be back later today. He’s here all next week so we won’t be able to…do this.” He moves a hand to the back of his neck and runs his fingers through his hair.

“So I’ll just…see you soon?” You turn the handle of his door and start to open it, still wondering if he’s going to kiss you.

“Soon.” He smiles, holding his door open for you while you step into the hall and walk the short distance across to your own door. “Cosmo?” He says just as you’re about to reach your door.

“Yes?” It comes out more breathy than you wanted it to.

“Do you have your keys?” Jin leans against his door frame with a cocky smile on his face.

Your glare at him before turning the handle on your door that you had purposely left unlocked, flipping him your middle finger just as the door swings shut, Jin laughing like a maniac when it clicks closed.

#bts #bts fanfic #jin fic #seokjin fic #jin smut #this fic is my baby #dad!jin #dad!bts #dilf!jin #btscreatorscorner #btsgoldnet #bts smut

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uponrightful · 3 years

Note

I've been wanting to send this one in for a while. What was going through the Wolfpacks mind and how much did Wolffe hear?

“I’d heard about him a lot from your brothers, how angry he was and that they thought he could use someplace like here. Home. But I didn’t think that he would ever show up. And, after a couple times something happened. I don’t know who really even started it.” The girl took another steadying breath, before continuing on the now spilling thoughts and feelings she’d been bottling up for months now. Completely unaware of the three men’s attention being drawn out the window where a grey and blue painted trooper walked towards the front door.

“I think about him, all the time. I hear his voice when I wake up, and I constantly dream about him. It’s like I’m constantly in this fever dream where I’ve finally been given something that I can’t deny I want.” All of the confusion crashed down in a wave of crystal-clear realization. Audience of troopers aside, the girl hadn’t thought it all through so straight.

She was brought back to Rex, sitting there drinking his caf with a look of disappointment when she’d mentioned that there wasn’t anything she wanted out of life. Other than helping the troopers. It hadn’t been the first time he’d asked, and she hadn’t realized why until now. She had the ability to have what she wanted. Regulations didn’t affect her, and neither did anyone else who didn’t have her best interests at heart. Rex hadn’t meant love specifically, or anything of the like, but what she didn’t get was why it mattered. His constant reminders spoken to the fact that without knowing… she couldn’t possibly go about getting it. Whatever “it” is. The girl’s sudden epiphany was that she finally knew -for once in her life- that there was something she wanted more than anything.

And that was Wolffe.

Her awestruck reaction and frozen posture thawed to see not a single pair of eyes focused on her. Boost, Sinker and Comet were all watching high above her head into the kitchen at something positively damning. Behind her, the heavy sound of boots thumped against the floor echoing off the silent walls of the house. Her heart, already thrumming with personal-realization began working double-time as the steps got closer.

Commentary Track for Welcome Company

Copy 500 words -or more- of any of my fics and I’ll give my thoughts/rambles on what was going through my head -or the character’s- when I wrote it!

*Send one in here*

@taz-107 You and I have some of the best discussions on literally everything Clones, and I'm so happy you sent this one in! I kinda went all-in, because I know you don't mind my word vomit 😅

I love you dearly 🤍

***

Let's start with the Wolfpack shall we?

Comet and Sinker know Pup the best, obviously. They think she's sweet, and they've always had a sense of little-sister vibes from her. It's the way she always invites them in, and never let's them leave without being adamant that they come back again... Preferably leaving less time between visits. Her home is one that the Pack really doesn't get to spend much time in, but when they do get the chance it's like they never left. Habits are created very easily, so the same dinners are almost always on the menu and there's almost a bedtime ritual they both have which never goes abandoned. Comet and Sinker are men of habit, but they never miss out on Pup's willingness to oblige them basically anything they want.

For Boost, his normal happy-go-lucky (and troublemaker) attitude is absent. This is the first time he's meeting Pup, and like most troopers he's hesitant for a number of reasons. It's illegal what they're doing, and although this girl has been nothing but a god-send for his brothers, it's nerve-racking to be in an unusual situation like sitting in a living room and talking just for the enjoyment of it. In a matter of an evening though, he's already falling into that same trap of love and affection that everyone else does when they meet Pup. She's sweet, and overly worrisome about his boots not being comfortable. (Something Boost wasn't sure he'd ever thought about before.)

The Pack's decision to make a visit wasn't a difficult one to make. Each of them had seen the changes in Wolffe's personality, whether big or small, and right away they knew that it was because he'd finally went for his own visit. It wasn't until Chapter Five that they realize there's something more going on than just what Comet and Sinker are familiar with experiencing during their stays at Home. It's the way their Commander doesn't seem to respond to them quickly -like he's off somewhere else in his mind- and the many times they've caught him taking a nap during a mission, mumbling to himself with the occasional slip-up of her name crossing his lips. The entire Wolfpack -Plo Koon included- know that their Commander has it bad. And initially, they're a little bit confused as to why Pup would ever take a liking to someone as harsh as Wolffe.

Note: Until this point, no one has seen Wolffe interact with Pup, and I made this decision very carefully. It was crucial that Wolffe come to form some sense of habit and security with her before this moment happens. It's to better display the completely different way Wolffe acts as a Commander, versus when he's with Pup. Wolffe is extremely talented at prioritizing tasks, whatever they may be. Therefore, when he's a soldier that's the only thing he normally has the mental capacity for. But when he's with Pup, he takes that romantic role just as seriously as he would directing troops on the frontlines.

The Pack know Wolffe is the one coming in the door. They also realize that they'd incidentally forced Pup's hand, and now they had no way of stopping her from talking without making everything even more awkward than it's already becoming. With every second that passes between seeing him walk past the window, Pup just keeps talking and the collective hope of the 104th is that Wolffe's change in attitude isn't just a passing fancy for Pup, and that her proclamation of love is one that their brother will see as something significant. In the background of this apprehension for Wolffe's reaction, they're actually shocked to hear Pup admit what she does about Wolffe.

They've always known Wolffe to be a little on the stiff side of rules and decorum, and even the mention of him being the least bit romantic enough to capture her attention is just another blow to these men's (hopelessly misguided) ideas about their Commander. He's not the most gentle person, and Pup is nothing short of an angel... (That's literally Sinker's nickname for her.) They make for a strange pair, and there's a bit of all three of them that have the same worry that Rex does; Can she actually handle him?

Note: I've always thought of Wolffe as a tortured soul, that never deserved the copious punishments that was handed to him in his life. And in the fic, there was a huge motivation to really play up just how worried troopers get about their brothers who end up the way Wolffe is when we see him post-cybernetics. He's angry and vicious to an extent. Not that he was a really carefree guy to begin with, but it's such a contrast that all of the men who knew Wolffe closely can see a very scary change in the Commander once he's brought back for duty. (Fives and Rex's conversation in Chapter Five is where I tried to make that fear a little more palpable and realistic of what war has done to Wolffe through the eyes of men who've seen things similar...)

They hear her words, and they're all staring at Wolffe who's got the most impassive expression they've ever seen before. It's stiffer than when he's at a parade rest, and even his posture looks like it could fucking snap at any second. But the second Pup's pause of realization hits her, Wolffe suddenly decides to join them all. Every last one of the Pack are holding their breath for this; Literally none of them have any idea of what to expect. They're all making subconscious guesses, trying to read his movements, literally anything that might help try and relax this tension. But when Wolffe just sits himself down at Pup's feet; Stretching out his leg and visibly melting back against her chair...

It's utter shock.

Note: I chose Boost for the next POV because he fit the need perfectly. Not only does he know Wolffe extremely well, but he doesn't have this predetermined idea of what Pup is like. He knows on a surface level that she's very kind and a little shy. But I needed him for this moment because it's truly perception-bending to see Wolffe take such a submissive posture towards this girl. (Her admittance that she loves him aside.) Boost has never seen Wolffe carry himself like that, and I wanted you to see it through his eyes because that's Wolffe's constant personality. Pup is the only one who's seen Wolffe soft -so this isn't new to her- but for the Pack, this is unprecedented behavior.

Now for our sweet, sweet, Commander 🤍

Wolffe was very preoccupied with his conversation with Anakin from Chapter Six and the upset over being forced to come back so late in the evening. He wouldn't dare not return after promising that he would, but the idea of making her wait up so late didn't sit right with him in the slightest. Being so caught up in his own head, he doesn't notice the Wolfpack staring at him through the open window dressings, and he's completely unaware that they'd chosen to come and see her as well. (He tries not to worry himself too much about what they do on planet-leave, and this was just one of his weaker moments.) Not that Wolffe would ever admit to being constantly worried about his brother's getting into trouble, and him not being able to get them out of it.

But all of that changes the second he walks into the house and hears Pup talking. It's not what she's saying at first; But instead just hearing her voice is enough to make Wolffe pause and listen as he pulls his bucket off his head. She's so soft, but this time there's a different edge to it; And standing in the hallway is when Wolffe finally realizes that she's talking about him. It's a miracle he didn't drop his bucket in a loud clatter to the floor in that instant.

Pup is saying things that Wolffe couldn't have dreamt about even coming from her mouth. Admitting that he’s in her dreams like she constantly takes a place in his. Detailing just how surreal it is to have him around her, just like it feels in his own mind. Pup is speaking exactly what Wolffe has been feeling for months and it's all Wolffe can to do try and stay quiet, just so he doesn't miss another word. Every syllable is spoken like she read it right from his heart, and Wolffe is so speechless that he's on the verge of busting through the house to find her and really show her exactly what a fever-dream he could provide for her.

But the moment he sees his brothers, all staring at his shadowed figure in the kitchen he realizes that they knew he was listening, and that now there was no turning back. Wolffe is feeling really pressured at this moment. Not because he doesn't love Pup -because he really does- but it's hard to traverse the admission with his men watching him for a reaction. They know nothing about his relationship with Pup, and he's kept it that way for fear of someone thinking it was unprofessional, and attempting to do something about it that would not only risk himself and the other men who need her, but Pup herself for providing care and warmth to men who were considered GAR property. He doesn't suspect that his men would ever do something like that, but there's this sense of fear that makes Wolffe present himself so emotionlessly. That is, until he can collect his own emotions for hearing her, and try to play it off.

Note: Wolffe is very skittish. And that's all to do with the treatment he faced after his fight with Ventress. He thinks very lowly of himself personally, but has an unbreakable expectation that he do everything exactly as it should be done without failure. This makes him a wonderful leader, but god-awful at admitting he has feelings aside from diplomatic neutrality. He's struggling to do the right thing here, when there really isn't a textbook example of how to handle expressing the emotion of know the person you love, admitting to loving you back in front of a small crowd. Wolffe doesn't understand that anything he could've chosen to do would've been acceptable here. But in the end, Wolffe's diplomacy is what guided the plot. (Once again, I only write for the characters, I hardly ever get creative liberty when coming to the conclusion of what my non-OC characters do. Even then, my OC's are very diligent in reminding me that they have their own personalities and I can't just make them do anything.)

Wolffe chooses what feels comfortable to him in this moment. At this point, everyone -including Pup- is waiting for him. And when he walks into the living room, his first instinct is to go where he feels the safest. And that's with her. (It's important that he sits at her feet and I'll tell you why in a moment.) Wolffe wants to be with her as best he can in this moment. He still feels that emotional relief and warmth of hearing her say she had the same feelings for him, but the last thing he wants to do is put either of them on the spot in front of his brothers that are appearing very worried and utterly confused at the moment. So to tone down the tension he'd accidentally created, he just does what feels right; And that's to let Pup know he's happy to see her, and give the apology he'd been meaning to all along.

"Sorry m'late."

From there, his men -sharp as ever- realize that he has wants to do this one his own, and Comet takes the initiative to take conversation somewhere else for the time being. He's silently grateful for that, and although he never says anything to them about it, Wolffe is certain that they did so on his behalf and wouldn't expect a thank you for it.

The rest of the night is easy to get lost in. His boys -always needing to show off- take turns coming into themselves again, and decide that a competition of war-stories and funny -albeit stupid- stories are in order. It feels natural like this, and Wolffe hasn't ever felt so proud having all of his brothers and his precious lady all in the same room where they can just be normal for a little while. He's extremely attentive to Pup's attempts at touching him, and he has to bite back a smile when he feels her secretive touches against his back. She's doing it on purpose to avoid his brother's notice, but Wolffe realizes she's probably just as nervous to be outright about it as well. After all, he'd not made a single comment about what she'd said, but he was kriffing surprised that it didn't change her desire to be close to him.

Note: Wolffe sat on the floor for a reason. And it wasn't my decision in the slightest. The way the living room sits, Pup has the best view of the room. Her back is to a corner, and the couch and chair that Boost, Sinker, and Comet occupy and positioned to face in her direction. It's strategic -and instinctual- that Wolffe put himself at the center of attention. That is basically a requirement that he head his squad at all times, and naturally he doesn't distinguish this scenario apart from any other. It's simply the Commanding Officer in him. But to a -wonderfully complex- part of Wolffe's character, he's doing it because that puts Pup at his back where he knows she's safe. His brother's aren't harmful in the slightest, but Wolffe knows that should there be a threat, he'll see them coming, and they'd have to go through him to get to her first. Protecting Pup is one of Wolffe's greatest motives throughout the entire fic, and this was one moment I wanted to play that theme out silently. (I don't know if anyone really picked up on it.)

This choice to sit at her feet appears very submissive to the Pack, and to Pup for that matter. But really Wolffe is subconsciously staking claim and protective charge over Pup without even realizing that he's doing so. For example; he could've picked her up and sat down in the chair with her in his lap, he could've sat down next to one of his brothers instead, or even chose to stand somewhere. But all of those choices leave Pup undefended. Wolffe doesn't see that he's doing it, and neither does anyone else in a very direct way. But if you pay attention to the way I toned the scene, you'll notice that Wolffe doesn't ever lose control of the room. Focus and power is always on him even when no one thinks wiser. It's what makes Wolffe such a commander figure all of the time. He has a natural predisposition to hold command, so even when Wolffe isn't trying have dominance, it's always present in the subtle way he moves, speaks, and presents himself to those around him.

***

Thank you for sending this in my love ☺️ I hope it wasn't too long, and you covered everything well enough! If not, let me know what I missed and I'd be glad to fill in the blank spots!

Much Love, Rightful 🤍

#commentary track #welcome company #commander wolffe #wolffe #pup #boost #sinker #comet #uponrightful #uponrightfulwrites

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hufflautia · 3 years

Text

In Sickness and in Health

Requested by @milk-leaves!

Warnings: A very brief and non-explicit sexual implication

Summary: Slytherin catches the flu. Luckily, her husband is there to help. However, her stubborn nature and insistent claim that “she can’t be sick because she’s never been sick in her entire life” makes it a little difficult for Hufflepuff to assist her. Marriage isn’t always easy, but with the proper amount of love and patience, everything works out in the end.

Slytherin grabs the garbage can just in time to vomit into the basket. When she finishes, she wipes her mouth with a grimace and rests her forehead against the bed.

“Honey?”

She looks up and sees Hufflepuff standing by the door, his forehead puckered as he takes in her appearance. Her hair unruly, she’s slumped on the floor of their bedroom, looking tired and pale.

Usually, Slytherin would be happy to see her husband. However, all she feels is irritation in the wake of his presence, and she leans against the side of the mattress once more.

“What are you doing here,” she croaks, eyeing him as he approaches her and kneels down. “I thought you had to go to the Ministry today.”

“It was a minor emergency, so I left early.” He regards her carefully. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

Hufflepuff frowns. “But you threw up.”

“Yeah, I’ve been doing that a lot today,” she murmurs weakly. Noticing his eyes widen, she snorts. “I’m not pregnant if that’s what you’re thinking. I got my period today.”

He gives her a sympathetic look. “I imagine it’s been a very fun day for you.”

“The best I’ve ever had, actually.”

Leaning in ever so slightly, that’s when Hufflepuff sees it—the faint flush on her face, the way she folds her arm around herself, the tinge of hoarseness in her voice.

He reaches out and touches Slytherin’s forehead. Her skin feels hot and cold at the same time. She bats away his hand in annoyance. “What are you doing,” she snaps, scowling at him. Her anger immediately falters when she notices how his eyebrows rise, a look of surprise mixed with hurt spreading onto his face.

“You have a fever,” he confirms quietly.

Slytherin resists a frown. “But I never get sick.”

“Well, it happens to the best of us.” He gets up. “Wait here, I’ll get some medicine.”

“I don’t need it,” she calls after him but he’s already in the kitchen, rummaging through the cabinets. He returns with a bottle and a small cup. Taking a seat before pouring red liquid into the cup, he ignores her when she says his name in a tone of indignation, insisting that she isn’t sick.

Hufflepuff hands it to her. “Drink,” he says firmly. When she juts her chin out and pouts, he lets out an exasperated sigh. “Honey, I know you don’t want to, but it’ll make you feel better.”

She still doesn’t move. This time, he returns her unyielding stare with one of his own. His tone is hard and demanding as he warns, “I’m not gonna repeat myself.”

Slytherin grudgingly brings the cup to her lips. If she didn't feel like complete shit right now, she would keep pushing his patience for fun. She’d even be a little turned on by his authoritative voice. Probably both.

She immediately makes a face as the medicine slides down her throat. “This tastes like ass,” she grumbles, pressing the back of her hand against her mouth and setting the cup down.

He chuckles. “Medicine tends to taste that way.” He stands and offers his hand. “Come. I’m sure a warm shower sounds perfect right now.”

A faint smile twitches at the corner of her mouth. “How’d you know,” she asks, taking his hand. A wave of nausea sweeps over her when she gets up, and he quickly plants his hands on either side of her.

“I’m your husband,” he pulls her closer, “I know these things.”

Slytherin wraps her arms around him. “Will you carry me to the bathroom,” she mumbles into his sweater.

He presses a kiss to the top of her head before picking her up bridal-style with care.

“Do you even have to ask?”

A couple of hours pass. Feeling drowsy from the medicine, Slytherin took a long nap before waking up to the smell of homemade soup. Hufflepuff cooked something for her while she was sleeping. To her dismay, he also gave her another cup of NyQuil, but she drank it without any resistance. Afterwards, her headache subsided and was diminished to a dull pain, which is nothing compared to before.

Now, she is laying in bed, feeling comfortable and content as she snuggles with her husband while he reads her favorite book out loud. She’ll probably never openly admit it but she loves when they cuddle. Listening to the smooth drawl of his voice, she catches a few words while dozing in and out of sleep. Her lips curve into a smile. He’s getting to her favorite part where he speaks in a ridiculous voice when reading the dialogue of an ancient wizard.

Hufflepuff had read the book to her before when they were dating. He used the same wise and raspy voice as he uses now. At that moment, as she attempted to hold in her laughter, she knew he was the one. Funnily enough, he ended up proposing to her a month later.

Feeling the familiar tug in her heart that can only be classified as complete adoration, Slytherin musters enough strength to pull herself out of the cozy arms of sleep. She shifts around so that she can properly see his face and says his name tenderly.

“What is it,” he asks, putting the book down. “Is your headache still bothering you?”

“A little, but...I’m sorry for being mean to you before. I was angry at you for no reason, but it might’ve been because of my period, and you already know how bad my PMS gets sometimes, but I still feel terrible about being so rude because you’re so great and sweet and you were only trying to help but I was being so difficult and I think I’m just not really used to people taking care of me, so I was trying to handle this flu on my own but I still shouldn’t have acted that way—and I literally hit your fucking hand and I hate myself for it because you don’t deserve it at all, you deserve so much more than whatever I have to offer...” Words continue to spill from her mouth as she rambles on and on, not bothering to pause for a breath of air.

Hufflepuff says her name and she finally stops, staring back at him with a contorted expression as if she were trying to back tears. He cups her cheek, to which she leans into his warm touch. “Please don’t worry about that anymore, honey, it’s okay. Honestly. I’ve been with you long enough to know that there’s no one else I would rather be with but you. Even with your stubbornness, I love you all the same. Maybe even a little more.” He gives her a reassuring smile as she looks back at him with watery eyes. “Just focus on resting for now, okay?”

She nods and tries to smile back, getting a little choked up in the process. His words are laced with so much endearment that she realizes just how lucky she is to have someone like him to spend the rest of her life with. She puts her hand over his.

“Thank you,” she whispers, “for loving me as you do.”

His gaze is so unimaginably soft that, for a split second, Slytherin wonders how it’s even possible. He leans in, and she happily closes the distance.

One might think that as time passes for a married couple, the love begins to stale. This is not true in their case, for the flutter in her stomach intensifies as they kiss. She can only focus on how soft he feels against her lips, how he invades all her senses in the best way possible. Her fingers grip the front of his shirt while his hand rests against the curve of her neck when they finally pull apart. Their noses brush against each other as they lock eyes.

“I love you,” she breathes.

“I know,” he murmurs. “And I love you.”

“Good. Because we’re stuck with each other forever.”

“I’d be sad if we weren’t,” he replies with a grin, retrieving the book. “Shall I continue reading?”

She beams at him before laying her cheek against his chest. “Yes please.”

Hufflepuff flips to the page he left off from. While he reads, he traces patterns around her stomach, as if he's painting a beautiful masterpiece over her skin.

A couple of chapters in, Slytherin momentarily closes her eyes as his melodious voice washes over her.

The sound of his steady heartbeat lulls her to sleep.

FIN.

Check out my masterlist! | Kind comments and reblogs are most appreciated :)

AUTHOR’S NOTE:

Hello everyone! I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. It took me a while to come up with an idea for this (also, to the person who requested this, I hope you are satisfied :D). My friend had the idea of “a vacation gone horribly wrong”. It was a fantastic idea - I even made a google doc for it and everything, but I did not write out a sufficient amount of general details for it because nothing solid came to mind. Then, when I was trying to go to sleep, I came up with this idea and I am very happy with how it came out!!

I modeled Hufflepuff after Steve Rogers to some extent. He has that gentle giant type of vibe. He is kind and loving, but he’ll be stern if he needs to. I have to admit, the thought of making a series about slytherpuff married life has crossed my mind while writing this one-shot. I am still contemplating it. If I do create the series, it won’t be restricted to this couple specifically, but I will consider writing more stories about them because I really do adore their dynamic! Anyways, if I were to write that series, it would be different stories with different couples. It might not even be classified as a series but more as a collection of slytherpuff married life stories. Also, there would probably be at least one nsfw story included in that collection, but I will not be writing any smut until after my birthday, which is in April. *HI THIS IS JESSICA FROM THE NEXT DAY, aka the day that i’m gonna post this and im just going over the fic. while i was sleeping, i just thought of ANOTHER marriage fic so i think im going to make a married life collection of storiessss :D :D :D!!! however, im still wondering about whether i should write it, because the story idea is a little eh. if anyone has any other marriage life ideas, please feel free to let me know! before, i was a little hesitant on making a collection because it was hard for me to think of ideas for this fic when the request came in. hopefully, that will change in the future. also why do i keep coming up with good ideas for stories in my sleep lmao*

Writing this story was fun. I stayed up until 2 am for four straight days while writing. Lmao how odd is it to see those two sentences right next to each other? In all honestly, I didn’t feel like it was 2 am because I was in the zone. I just kept writing until I told myself to go to bed because the future morning me will regret it--and lemme tell you, she really does. Anyways, I used my own experience with medicine for fevers. I absolutely hate the taste of NyQuil; I remember when my mom would make me drink small cups of it whenever I was sick. Also, when I was writing Sly’s rambling bit, I did not put any periods in the paragraph because I wanted to make it seem like she’s going on and on and isn’t stopping. However, I thought it to be weird and so I put the paragraph into the “translate to english” thing so that I could press the audio icon and hear what it sounds like. I’m happy to report that it was one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard in my entire life because her monotone voice saying all that was very amusing.

There is no telling what fic I will post next. Last week, I was all over the place and working on several fics, moving from one to another when I got bored of the story. Also, my mental state is not the best at the moment. I’ve been feeling self-conscious about my writing recently, and I’m probably gonna go through another episode of that because this is gonna be the first fic that marks the end of tag lists and so this is probably gonna be an underrated fic because fewer ppl will see it. I came to realize that it’s not me who’s writing bad fics; even though I tag people, there’s a noticeable lack of interaction, so it’s likely that some of my followers just aren’t active anymore. There was a fanfic writer who I really like because their loki fics are amazing. A few weeks ago, I found their other blog that I was not aware of beforehand and they made a post 3 weeks ago saying that they would no longer be writing fics because there were barely any people interacting with them. She seemed really upset, saying stuff like “I guess my fics just aren’t good enough”, “no one can save me anymore” (I know that sounds very ominous but she was insinuating “no nice comments will make me change my mind”), and “I feel like deleting my blog because there’s a sense of failure in just leaving them there”. This made me really sad, and a part of me was afraid that one day, I would adopt a similar mindset. However, I know that there’s a group of people who will always be there to read my stories, so I’m gonna try to hold onto that idea and continue writing to make you happy and myself happy as well. Also I just realized that I always include one part in my author’s note that’s just sad for some reason :’)

ANYWAYS, I remember making a post a longgggg time ago that said “I promise that I will finish the slytherpuff series if it’s the last thing I do”. That has changed; I plan to post all the chapters leading up to their requited love at last (aka the part in which they actually get into a relationship together). After that, there’s still a bunch of chapters but they’re just fluffy bits, i.e. rainy day, they bake together, oop it’s one of their birthdays, etc. In other words, they aren’t essential to the plot. I could turn them into one-shots and stuff, but some of the chapters relate to the characters’ lives. In addition, it’s sweet to see their relationship progress. For those chapters regarding fluffy bits of their relationship, I won’t feel incentive to write them right away because their love is already requited and I also have two big series that I would rather work on. However, I’m not gonna start another series yet because I don’t wanna leave you on a cliffhanger in Chapter 3 and suddenly start writing a whole other series. The plan is to post all the chapters for the slytherpuff series leading up to the moment when they start dating (Chapter 7 or 8 will probably be when they actually get together). That way, there’s no rush to complete it because it’s just easy and sweet since they’re already in a relationship and readers aren’t anxiously waiting to see what happens next. After that, I will probably begin writing the other series, which will be different from the original slytherpuff series. You’ll see why. Once in a while, I will go back to the original series and write for that when I feel like it.

I’m trying my best to finish writing Chapter 4 :( It is gonna be long - I’ve already written about 7 pages and I am thinking of splitting it into two parts. If I do, I might be posting part 1 soon because it’s kind of already done. Then again, I like the idea of just posting it all at once. We’ll see! I’m gonna try to work on that after this. My desire to write is sporadic, but comments and interactions from readers are very impactful in terms of my motivation to write, so be sure to leave feedback if you can! I’ll see you all again the next time I post a fic. Thanks for reading!

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staylavendertea · 3 years

Text

music, ya know

this is a complete impulse of lying in bed middle of the night thoughts that i don’t even know if anyone’s gonna see that have been stemmed off the experiences of the past couple days, topic of 1:41 am mind boggle:

music and it’s aesthetic and importance in literal every sense cause it’s just that important to me

first experience of realizing this, i’ve always loved film scores and listening to music and the orchestral pieces from movies and shows, but it really seemed to hit me recently, like the fact that this week’s new LOKI episode, no spoilers, has the most badass score and a badass scene with such a perfect mix and musical atmosphere. i literally had one of my best friends over, who has a very small interest in comics, cinema, marvel in general, especially a show about a norse comic god that they know nothing about, and whilst they sat there for my own regard, watching the show like a normal human being would, i sat there clinching their hand, watching in awe as our music is louder than actors talking tv speakers spurted out the most spine tightening world building story and just wandered “jesus that was good” and whilst i will always think about the superior acting, cgi, the amount of different people that just went into those few scenes and like what was physical set and what was computer image and what the hell did i just watch that has my brain running olympic marathon circles right now?

the thought that said brain kept going back to was that fucking score. it was literally tearing apart of every corner of my head and why was it doing that?

second experience, another marvel one, but i digress. black widow (no spoilers i promise), thursday night, movie theater for the first time in i can’t even remember how long now and we set through so many previews just for fucking boss baby to start playing and the reaction of the theater to make me burst out laughing.

however whatever works in that little projection box, gets fixed and the movie is pushed to just a little before it starts, a nice small pepsi ad, the regal rollercoaster intro (if you go to regal movie theaters ya know what i’m talking about), and then i hear it - the marvel studios logo - something so musically engraved into my head that my ass that can’t sing for anything, can harmonize with the sound and makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up around movie theater surround sound. but i can’t think of that now, i’m here to watch black widow, a movie on hiatus with the rest of the world for so long now, a character i didn’t know much about it or truly, didn’t have the most connection with in the first place. yet through that one movie, i seemed to build one of those.

ofc though scarlett johansson’s beautiful acting and world building, but it isn’t until the end of the movie that i even realize why. it was the fucking score again. when i think about it, the beginning of the movie felt like all of black widows scenes in the avengers movies for me, kinda just, there. not really emotionally tugging, not bad ofc either, but just, there. in the present, watching something cool in motion. but then it hits, what i can only describe as a theme that somehow tells the entire black widow movie in one singular composition. something so badass, story telling, but also just singularly black widow-esk. i can tell you that i walked out the movie theater rambling about the composition and looking up composers.

third experience, the most recent as it was literally like 20 minutes ago and sprung one train rail of a thought process that immediately tugged me into typing this brain vomit into a tumblr post. i have playlists. for everything. and when i say everything, i fucking mean everything. i’m a writer and a reader, i have playlists mostly for the young avengers, my most utter comfort characters, and their stories i’m writing. i also have playlists/genre/specific song for about every book i read.

when i read red white and royal blue when that came out, i noticed i listened to one of the drunks by panic at the disco the entirety of the ending of the book and the words and music fit together like puzzle pieces, not only did it make the reading experience better, but i was so fucking emerged in my over hyper-imagitive brain that when i finally actually finished the book, i still never left. rewind present day to the beginning of this past june, one last stop comes out, ofc i get it the day it comes out with my anticipation building like wildfire. i start reading that night and i put on my recents on my liked songs playlist (true to true spotify user) and i slowly over the next day as i read and finish the book, windle down to the genre, then the band, to the album, to the exact song that feels like the carbon copy of the words i’m reading. that song was only ones who know by the arctic monkeys. now go back to this past week, anyone who reads the carry on series knows, anyway the wind blows came out this past tuesday. i waited till wednesday to buy the ✨pretty special addition barnes and nobles copy✨ so that the dear friend that indulged me by watching loki that same day could buy it at the same time and make a cute book date or whateva. i started reading that night and something just felt ,,, off. i didn’t know what it was, but i was living off the pure joy that simon and co give me so i ignored the feeling. until i realized why it felt off this morning. i wasn’t listening to any fucking music, literally nothing, not even queen. motherfucking. queen.

i looked for the snowbaz playlist i made when i read carry on for the first time back in 2016/2017 when i was still a freshman in high school just to remember i deleted that literally forever ago. so i made a new one. like an hour and a half ago. very inspired on how i made the playlists for the young avengers and all their stories. letting the music talk.

the fact that all these rambling thoughts have led to this conclusion makes my head hurt, but for me at least in my own experiences. music talks. a two way conversation. a radio broadcast, turning the peg until you match the same frequency thats being put out and you can hear it and understand it. it’s like when you see comedians on stages or actors on panels, they talk, you have reactions, you talk back, and so forth the loop continues until the last voice, last note, rings out. music and songs and orchestral pieces and bands and composers and lyric writers are telling you the stories in reverse. they don’t know their doing it, obviously they meant something entirely different in their creations, but it’s like literature and any work of words and storytelling. interpretation. to me, the notes, pianos, violins, guitars, drums, singers, cellos, and anything that can make sound you can think of, is telling you something. whispering in your ear as you watch or read. facial features, emotions the characters dont say out loud, outfits, they way their standing or talking or moving or interacting with anything and everything.

when i just made that carry on playlist, i played it, decided to try read some good almost 2 am fan fic as you do, my hanging on by a thread sleep brain telling me words aren’t recognizable right now, and tighten myself into a blanket to see if i can sleep at all. the playlist still plays and my never shuts up head thinks it’s own daydreams, stresses out about anything it can, that is until the song plays. the one that just speaks the carry on trilogy language. the one that i found whilst i was reading wayward son and then would play whenever i re read carry on. the one that started this whole way too long ass post in the first place. cant be alone tonight by atlas. i heard just the first sound and i saw them, as if i were in the same room, like i never even put the book down in the first damn place because i’m actually terrified of finishing it. i could see simon in his oversized hoodies, baz in an outfit that was way too good just to be sitting inside, agatha looking as pleasantly pretty as ever, penelope poking fun at shepherd, and shepherd poking fun right back; bickering, laughing, saying the dialogues i try to remember so i can write them later, existing.

in a way music doesn’t just talk, but it lives. it lives and breaths. a three way conversation you could say. characters, stories, plot, and settings talk to the music, then the music delivers us listeners the message, so that we can send one back. this literally took me over an hour to write and i should point the important note that i do have synesthesia where colors and sounds and colors and words do the association so this entire thing might be me being entirely biased, but alas, i love sound so much and if there is anyone else that feels the same ways as i do as just a simple good film score and song makes anything ten times better, feel free to talk, i will totally be awkward, but i need some music freaks like myself around so feel free to hit me up, also if you love movies and cinema also feel free to hit me up as i need movie buddies and now it’s 3 am and i will be going to bed - peace out 🛸

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chaoticspacefam · 3 years

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2020 In Review: Wordcount Tag

I was tagged for this by @actualanxiousswampwitch , thank you! I’m not sure who’s already done or been tagged for this cause I am, once again, late to the party LOL but I shall (no pressure and sorry if you’ve already done it!) tag: @rainofaugustsith , @darth-bagel , @thatmmolesbian , @thelastenvoyyy and anybody else who wants to do this. Yes, I promise I mean you!

Words: 45,314

Published: 0 (I’m not counting the couple of Six Sentence tags I’ve gotten, they’re snippets of an unfinished piece & are included below instead :), or roleplay replies, cause that feels like cheating lol.) I actually wrote a lot more than I thought I had, this is a rough guesstimate as well, as my oneshot WIPs tend to be all over the place across something like 6 different documents, some of which have existed since 2018, so I had to guess at how far up to count from the end for some of them, but I think it’s a fair guesstimate XD I also have included lore/worldbuilding docs in this because that was a 3-month long Lockdown 1.0 Boredom/”Canon is a trash fire so I’m ignoring that and making up my own lore” passion project and I’m goddamn proud of how much I wrote for that. It’s the most I’ve written in one stretch (think I finished it over a span of 3 nights or so, once I’d done all the research and made all the notes ofc ^^)

Not Published: 45,314

The Breakdown:

swtor - 45,314

for creeping shadows (my main longfic/part one of the subterfugeverse series) - 1,553 - Aria, stop being difficult! *shakes fists* XD

oneshots - 16,223

lore/worldbuilding (for subterfugeverse naturally) - 23,001 (is this ALL tomato alien lore? pretty much, yes, yes it is :’D ~400 words is “the WIP reworked timeline to correlate my worldbuilding with the canon timeline that was released”, but 98% is just...me thinking way too much about Purebloods and how they deserved way better goddamn lore. I blame @fluffynexu ‘s amazing tomato worldbuilding posts, reading them when I went looking for “canon” lore one day for the rp is what got me started down that rabbithole (it’s awesome and if you haven’t already you should totally go check hers out too :DD), I had a “fuck you then canon I’ll do it myself too >:L” moment and once I started I couldn’t stop until I’d crapped out literally over 20k words on the subject *whispering* thank you LOL)

zephyrverse au bonus oneshots - 4,537 (stuff I wrote to fill in time gaps or “just cause I had a plot bunny”, relating to mine and k-christine’s zephyrverse au rp. None of these will likely be posted publicly, but they still deserve to be counted as words I wrote this year :’D

As you can see, most of my “muse” this year came from sporadic oneshots :’D The Ahaszaai twins also properly plot-bunnied their way into my brain in late 2019 and haven’t stopped making a nuisance of themselves the whole fucking year. Every time I tried to carry on with a chapter, one of the two of them would pop up like “Nooo write about ME! pay attention to ME!” - Yes, Ni’kasi, I will get to you this year, I promise XD

New Things I Tried:

Just Writing. Not worrying about whether “it wasn’t part of the next chapter” or “it comes from a part in the story that I’m nowhere near close to posting yet”. If I felt like writing something, or for a specific pairing/feeling/scene, whatever. I wrote until I ran outta muse juice. Yeah, it meant I didn’t technically “finish” anything this year BUT - the important thing is I wrote stuff. and that’s all that really matters, eh? :’D

Polyam ships! May not seem like a big deal but I spent a long time talking myself out of them because of internalised toxic monogamy and finally saying “you know what, fuck it! I can ship three or more people together and it can still be a perfectly wholesome, healthy and loving relationship and that’s okay” was a BIG thing for me this year.

Dialogue Scripts: which I didn’t count as wordcount because really it’s just word vomit of general tone/inflection and dialogue that I came up with right before falling asleep which I didn’t want to lose. Basically, if an exchange or a particularly punchy or moving line of dialogue popped into my brain but I wasn’t ready to write the whole scene that it fit into out, but didn’t want to forget the line(s). I wrote it out in movie script/script-style roleplay fashion e.g. Character’s Name: (emotion, hand gestures etc.) [Dialogue here] and so on. I know this is probably a well known trick of the trade, but I never took it seriously until this year. Seriously, do it. It’s great.

Favorite Thing I Wrote:

Hmmm, a snippet for Andronikos/Ni’kasi that I started this week which isn’t posted yet (saving it for this week’s Six Sentence Sunday so look out for it! :D) was pretty fun to work on, I love their dynamic and Kas is suprisingly fun to write for.

Also the Aria/Vano proposal scene that I posted a snippet for the week before last. I’m having great fun with that scene, and I really enjoy putting a non-serious spin on the classic “proposal scene” tropes. Can’t wait to finish it, though it may be a while before the full one goes up on AO3, as it depends whether it ends up fitting in as part of the mainfic or as an additional oneshot

And I have a D’leah/Kissai oneshot that I need to give another once-over before I finally yeet it onto AO3 and Tumblr for you guys to see :’D

Favorite Fic I Read:

@sleepswithvillains Eleanora/Quinn fic, Helplessly Hoping. I’m horribly behind on chapters and I gotta catch up and read the finale this week, but it’s been a helluva great ride and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the story! <3

Also The Invitation collab with @tishinada featuring Zas and Fiona had me squealing, I can’t wait to catch up on HH and see more of these two, they’re adorable ;-; @a-muirehen ‘s Relu/Merkara series of course! I’m a complete sucker for (friends to lovers to in Ariano’s case but yea pfpfpf) enemies to lovers ships and these two are just so good, I am on the edge of my seat every time we get a new snippet for them, ngl (grimace emoji) @darth-bagel ‘s Sylvas/Graz’zt and Sylvas/Liz/Rilfaen snippets which they’ve been spoiling me with on Discord @mercurypilgrim ‘s Ven’fir/Quinn AU oneshots, Cloudbank (Western was a particular favourite, but all are very good!) and of course @rainofaugustsith ‘s Lana/Viri updates are always fantastic, some personal favourites from this year were Almost There & Memory of Healing :3 (I totally still go back to read Commander & Advisor too sometimes, getting to see Viri be a little diabolical and messing with “MiNiSTeR LoRMaN!” was and still is my favourite thing XD)

If I’ve left you out I’m sorry!! These were the ones that stuck out in my memory, but I’ve loved everyone’s writing this year, it’s been great :3

Writing Goals:

to actually finish and post chapter 8 & 9 of Creeping Shadows. Then we’ll get to the meat and potatoes of the story and maybe Aria will stop being a brat and fighting me every time I try to stick to a semi-regular update schedule Get off my butt, finalise the name and get started on Ni’kasi’s part of the Subterfugeverse story. Maybe run the updates in-tandem with Creeping Shadows but idk if I want to wait till after CS is done before I start posting Kas’s side, or do them side-by-side yet, we’ll see ;) Keep writing! I know better than to pressure myself by setting a specific word count goal, that’s never worked well in the past

At least 2 chapters of each of the works mentioned above would be great though, more would be better! We’ll see how I go

Words of Thanks:

honestly, to everybody in the fandom I’ve met this year. Anybody that I follow, thank you for being there and engaging with me and/or posting amazing content for me to look at! I came over from deviantART where the SWTOR fandom is incredibly small and generally quite inactive and the contrast since moving over here has been incredibly uplifting. I very nearly cancelled Creeping Shadows and stopped posting fic for my SWTORverse altogether because I got next to no engagement on dA and it was very disheartening to the point where I felt I could enjoy the game and the rp partners I had, but the solo projects I’d put so much thought, time and love into already weren’t worth continuing. You guys took that spark and kept it going and I really don’t have enough words to say how grateful I am for that. Even if I haven’t published much this year, making posts on this tumblr, interacting with everyone and working on lore, plot points and so on for Subterfugeverse has kept me going through the Hellish Year of Nightmares that was 2020 <3

to the amazing new friends I’ve made in this past year, who have listened to me ramble about headcanons, character backstories, writing snippets (and rambled/sent some back), keep being awesome: @walk-ng-d-saster , @darth-bagel , @kyber-heart , @deepseacritter , @thedinalixlegacy to further friends and meme tag buddies, I get so excited every time I see a mention for a new meme or ask game in my inbox, so thank you!! : @mimabeann , @palepinkycat , @a-master-procrastinator , @raven-of-domain-kwaad , @actualanxiousswampwitch , @thatmmolesbian , @a-muirehen to my regular commentors/rebloggers/likers/askbox lurkers, I see every one of you and every time your users pop up I grin like a kid in a toy shop: @starlightjedi , @sparkles-and-rust , @wilvarin-chan , @sunsetofdoom , @ask-an-andalite , @thelastenvoyyy . @lyrishadow and more because Tumblr only goes so far back and I have the memory of Swiss Cheese. If you regularly comment, like, reblog, or anything, from me, know that I see you, and I love and appreciate you for it! <3

I couldn’t possibly remember to tag everyone and I promise if I missed you out it’s not because I hate you! Anxiety just sometimes be a bitch and I don’t wanna look like a clown calling someone a “friend” if I’m not explicitly sure we are, in fact, friends. I think you’re all awesome and I’m so glad to have moved over here and met you all <3

#long post #wordcount year review tag #elven's writing: stats #repost bc i goofed some links woops sorry everyone #^^;#will i eventually post any of this stuff? yes!#i will. i just...don't know *when* the time will be right for most of it hahaha #the only bits i won't post are the zephyrverse-specific oneshots cause i just don't feel like i want to #but everything else will (eventually) in some capacity be thrown into the void for all of you to read #shameless friend appreciation post #shameless mutual and follower appreciation post #<3 #swtor sort of

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rosemallowss · 4 years

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Im so sad too with all that´s happening around TBWDOA, it was magical the first time that I listened it: so much life, love and humanity even in the darkest places of the world... I felt that the hope around it was more strong that any problematic subject... I know that maybe im being naive and self-blinded by my own privileges, but im so angry that the controversy destroyed what for my was so beautiful. I dont know if this is weird, but I wanted to talk with someone that maybe feels the same :(

Hey dude, I thought exactly the same thing. I actually still think it, but every time I see any trace of the show in my camera roll or the copy of the album, it’s so hard not to think about all the angry people. I think now that it’s been a few weeks however, I can fully hold a discussion about this musical without feeling guilty or sad. Despite what other people think, I really don’t believe that the writers has hostile intents at all. If you look at old posts like this:

You can tell just how passionate they were about this show. & plus, I realized recently that these guys tend to write shows about topics that are not normally talked about as well. Example: this show and ‘Talk To Me’– a show about a child who is on the Autism spectrum. I suppose you could kind of count their other show “With The Right Music” as kind of that? However I’m actually not totally clear on what that show is about since it wasn’t actually written to the end– though I think it is about a closeted teenager in high school. I suppose this counts because there aren’t that many musicals written about closeted teenagers. I truly don’t believe that they were trying to offend anyone– simply were just so so invested in trying to get a story out there, maybe one that was unfamiliar to them, and perhaps it was also bad timing that the full show was released? Or maybe they were just as naïve too when they wrote the show probably around 2015 (earlier?) I used to always get their attention (unintentionally I swear) on Twitter when I’d talk about the show. Those dudes were really kind. And they follow back a lot of their fans. So, perhaps it was just naïvety? I’m aware that they’re attempting to make it right, and they are probably at the moment in conversation with Afghan Americans. That’s important, and speaks more than words I think. I know Troy, Nikhil, Sittichai, and Jonathan have been under fire. Troy has gone silent and if I’m not mistaken I think Sittichai and Jonathan as well? Other actors in the show such as Osh (Zemar) and though a small appearance– Shiv Pai (future Paiman’s son) have gotten no such comments I realize. Maybe the show was bad timing. Perhaps it would’ve had a more positive outcome in terms of rising popularity had it been talked about in a past tense; in a sense that “this practice doesn’t happen anymore” so that the setting is not modern day, but instead sometime in the late 1900s?Would that have made the show less controversial? Maybe? But we can never be sure. Would it have been less controversial if they minimized the extend of the abuse? Or removed that altogether and made it that it was simply two boys falling in love in rural Afghanistan who were coming terms with the fact that they were feeling this feeling with each other? well, yeah, because it would just be a love story in a different setting, and we’d probably see Feda and Paiman exploring the marketplace as well. If this was the case, I’d assume the conflict of the story would be homophobia from parents/internalized homophobia itself, or struggling to understand themselves. Another conflict could be something that many teenagers experience as well, such as fear of the future. Maybe arranged marriage could still be a conflict, and since Feda’s name literally means “sacrifice” he’d probably still have to die in the end. Perhaps they could have rewritten the show like that and the show would have little to no controversy? The music is incredible, and it could even portray the beauty of Afghanistan through their amazing way of writing music. I’m just brainstorming and rambling here, sorry! when it comes to this show it seems as though that I always just vomit out more words than anyone cares to hear. Let’s address why it was controversial as well though... Many were repulsed by the idea of s-x trafficking as a musical, and even more outraged with the musical being about Afghanistan. It showed negative parts of the country, and that would add on to people’s perception and dislike toward Afghans, which if you live in America you are aware of the racists’ stereotypes and disdain toward Afghans. (If you are naïve like me, you probably did not catch that as well. I truly forgot that there were people who perceived Afghans in a negative light. I was awed by the diversity in the show and so focused on that) I believe that they also have said how gay men are usually perceived as pedophiles as well and this show did not help to minimize that harmful stereotypes. I’m obviously kind of dumb because I didn’t realize that stereotype.

However it is true, because realized I often see this trope in fiction books about “creepy uncles preying on their nephews”. Though people don’t agree with the fact that it is a musical, I always saw it as a different way of storytelling. There’s a book called The Kite Runner that talks about the same topic in this musical by the way. I didn’t know this but my friends have had to read that book as an assignment in their English class. I thought, well, TBWDOA, it just tells the story through songs. So all in all, these were many of the points people made, and you cannot be upset with them for being angry. When I first listened to the show, I was aware it was controversial, but I thought the controversy would be something that can be discussed and debated while being enjoyed. Similar to how Hamilton is often debated for glorifying the founding fathers while still being a good show. However, when I replied to one comment because I thought that this was how it was going to go, I was bombarded with several other comments, I was called pedophilic and was told that because I was not Afghan that I should not speak and when someone said that, I realized “okay, I was wrong to think that this was an issue that could be debated!” I did not realize how much deeper it would be. As a result, I was flooded with comments from instagram and twitter and it was STRESSFUL and overwhelming that I just couldn’t sleep and had to take a break! However someone told me that even the most controversial, flawed works of art should be appreciated or discussed. It’s up for debate if that’s true. The show is incredible in portraying the strength of the human spirit— “find your voice, even if it’s weak, using it can make a difference that will lead to a greater change.” It showed a boy who used something that was SUPPOSED to degrade and silence him as a tool to lift him up and strengthen him– that was an incredible theme. He found power in the resources he could. Dancing was supposed to be something he could not decide, but he made it his own, would not let it weaken him, and used it as a tool to push him toward more positive hopes. There’s something so powerful about people taking back the thing that was supposed to weaken them, and twisting in into something that gives them strength. Though just because the music embodies the main characters incredibly and the message is empowering, we cannot ignore that perhaps, yes the show was quite insensitive to many Afghan Americans. It might take me several months before I can listen to any song from this show again though. But the show has such a special place in my heart, for making me fall in love with music theory and musical instruments all over again, for pulling my heart strings with incredible themes/life lessons, and the show embodying that theme in a heartbreaking final song, and then lastly providing a beautiful love story. Am I insensitive for saying that? I really don’t want to be, but a story like this has never made me feel like that before. I was intrigued by Islamic wedding customs and researched into that. I fell in love with the purpose of whirling dervishes, and fascinated by how beautiful that was. I watched videos about them, i read about them. Feda talked about an old Afghan poet in the show and god, for hours I looked up that poet and read the translated English phrases (didn’t finish however). I was taken by the beautiful geography of Afghanistan. I researched beyond the show to look at Afghan culture and I appreciated that. I understood that, of course this wasn’t a common practice that is active in Afghanistan. But I’m aware now that so many people will not see it that way at all. They saw the show as indulging the idea that this practice is apart of their culture which is not true, and the original theater did not market that well at all.. I want to hope that this was just really bad timing, that this show was misinterpreted, and in the future will be enjoyed and discussed rather than torn apart. I never like being on the controversial side of things, but, gosh, I don’t know.

But, I know exactly how you feel. And I welcome any asks/my messages are open for discussion about this show now.

#the boy who danced on air #feda #paiman #tbwdoa #city boys

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lady-of-lies · 4 years

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King of your heart

A/N: Just one more prompt and I’m back on track!! This is just a cute little blurb written in all haste and as all the other fics I’ve posted lately it’s not at all edited, but I hope someone finds joy between the words

Prompt: “This isn’t working, is it?”

Word count: 949

Warnings: None at all!

Loki Laufeyson x reader

It was finally here! The most wonderful time of the year had finally arrived!, yeah, right, what a load of crap that was. This part of the year has not been any different from the rest besides that it now is freezing cold and you need a million layers of clothing just to step out the door. Still, you prefer this weather to the inhuman heat waves washing in on the country every summer, in your own words ‘it was hot enough to get everyone roasted’, a pun that, mind you, against popular belief had been very well received.

Even if there were a lot of things with this holiday season causing you more problems than enjoyment, there is one thing that will bring a smile to your lips every time. Figure skating, or just skating in general, if there's ice involved you were in, simple as that. When a certain god sauntered in to your life, quite literally, you didn’t know of his chilly heritage. You had found out by accident one time during the cursed summertime a few months ago, and ever since you had loved him even more. It must have been fate, if there was such a thing out there, that is.

You had been laying the groundwork for the past few weeks now, you had been sucking up to him left and right, being overly sweet, baking him those cookies he loves so much despite them being a ‘midgardian miniature’ of whatever cookies they had back in his beloved Asgardian palace. Dating a literal prince had its pros and cons, mostly pros, but when it came to normal everyday chores such as laundry or cooking he was hopeless. But you loved him nevertheless. You wanted him to come ice skating with you tomorrow, you wanted to show him the only holiday activity worth trying. It would have been an easy feat if he wasn’t as stubborn as a donkey’s backside.

You approached him with caution, much like you would a scared animal. He sat in his usual spot by the window, feet propped up on a nearby table, a book in his lap lazily kept in place with two fingers and head relaxing against a Christmas pillow. Moreover, that pillow is one of the few Christmas decorations you allowed into your home, it reflected you holiday spirit perfectly, and quite frankly summed up Loki’s entire character in two simple words “Oh deer”. Both funny and useful, the perfect combination.

You stood still, silently watching him for a while, contemplating if this really was a good idea. Your nerves were all on edge and you made a mental note to never wear a shirt with cufflinks when trying to ask important questions. It was now or never. You had to get it out before you changed your mind and just walked away again. You started with a careful yet noticeable clearing of your throat to catch his attention. He didn’t look up from the old pages of parchment but you knew he was listening to you thanks to the slight rising of his right eyebrow.

“Loki, I was uh… I was wondering… If you, might, you don’t have to by any means, but it would make me very happy if yo-”

You had started to word vomit. Great. And you would have continued on with that if you hadn’t been stopped by a curious gaze sent your way accompanied with a loud thud as the book that he had previously been reading snapped shut. His feet were no longer resting on the table and his very regal, and to be honest, somewhat degrading position, told you that you now had his full attention.

“You’re stalling, my dear. What is it?”

It was a simple sentence, yet he managed to calm you down with so little. It amazed you what effects he had on you, but right now there was no time for such thoughts right now, you had a mission to accomplish. At least that’s what you kept on telling yourself.

“I just.. uhm… wanted to ask you if you wanted to come skating with me tomorrow?”

For a minute there you thought you’d just rambled on in front of a statue or something with how still he had become. He had clearly not expected that to be the ‘very important thing’ you wanted to ask him before. The clock ticked on and on and he didn’t move a muscle. Not. A. One. Maybe you broke him? He didn’t even blink for a solid three minutes before the silence finally got to you and you, once again, started to ramble in a futile attempt to save the situation.

“This isn’t working, is it? I tried to ask nicely, maybe I shouldn't have said anything, I will just go by myself tomorrow, really, there’s no problem at all I’ll eve-”

“Will you stop talking for a second, pet? I may have been surprised by your proposition at first, but seeing as it means so much to you I’ll gladly accompany you to this ‘ice skating’ thing you talk so fondly about.”

Now that was a welcomed surprise, not like last year when you got stuck up a turkey’s ass, but that’s a story for another time. Tomorrow you would get to show loki the real reason why you adored ice as much s you did, and who knows, maybe he will come to share this love with time. You just couldn’t wait for him to realize he was a king already. He was the king of your heart.

Permanent Tag list:

@theincaprincess @deepestfirefun @indelwen-of-mirkwood @gaia-writes-stuff @sdavid09 @peter-pan-on-neverland @ek823 @naomiiiiiiiiiii04 @soradragon @themarauderstheoutsidersandpeggy

#loki #Loki Laufeyson #loki layfeyson x reader #loki x reader #loki x you #loki x y/n #tale tellers 52 week writing challenge #tale teller's 52 weeks writing challenge #lady of lies #Avengers #imagine avengers #avengers x reader #avengers x you #ice skating #imagine loki #imagine loki laufeyson

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unimooshi · 3 years

Text

Kinda a vent thing here. It’s really nothing serious. I just wanted someplace to vomit words so my thoughts aren’t so scrambled anymore. You can skip over this. Or read it. Idc. Whichever you wanna do :). I talk way too much, but I guess that’s part of the fun? Idk lmao:

Oh my god my internet just came back on and it’s fucking midnight I’m gonna cry. I haven’t been able to go to school or do anything that felt productive. I felt like I was losing my mind. Now is that a good or bad thing? I have no idea and I don’t wanna think abt it. The only good side to this possibly is that in order to use as minimal data as possible and to keep myself preoccupied while waiting for my internet to come back, I’ve read a lot of MTMTE and my god is that a rollercoaster but in a good type of way. When I used to go to therapy, my therapist always said it would do me some good if I branched out and picked up new books or shows to help ease me out of my comfort zone and lower my anxiety abt new experiences. It’s really good advice but I never really took it cause even if I did I would always stop bc I was scared. Which is normal in a way? Idk. Point is, I don’t like getting into new things and I’m more than happy to spend the rest of my life watching the same TV shows and books where I know what’s gonna happen and I won’t be emotionally brought down when something goes wrong in the story and it fucks with me. I thought it was a way for me to finally be happy ya know? I know what’s gonna happen so it can’t bother me and I’ll have peace of mind. But no after really getting into the MTMTE comics it got me thinking abt some things. Abt my own mental health in general. Like I think I’m ok. I think I’m better now and I am. I’m miles better than what I was before, but I’m not completely ok and I don’t think I’ve come to terms with that. I always thought that getting the help I needed was all it would take for me to be ok, but no. That’s only half my solution. I always thought that as long as I felt ok then I was ok. Makes sense right? Right. But I wasn’t allowing myself to feel literally anything else other than positive emotions. I shut out any form of negativity and didn’t let myself experience that bc I thought it would drag me back to square one but the truth is that I’ve been dragging myself back to square one without even realizing it. If I don’t allow myself new experiences and the chance to feel grief, anger, sadness etc and etc. over even the smallest things that weigh heavily on me then I’m only stifling my growth. Being happy all the time isn’t normal. Ofc it would be ideal, but it’s not realistic or normal. I don’t get into new things bc I’m scared and that’s ok. That’s the fun of getting into new things I guess? Idk I’m still pretty new to the whole getting into new fandoms thing. Transformers isn’t new for me in the slightest, but it’s nice that it came back to me. Something familiar to overcome something larger. Am I gonna start picking up some new shows and books now? Not in the slightest. Although I now realize the extent of how I hold myself back mentally and emotionally. I also know that I am a lazy little shit and will not do anything unless it’s either necessary or I’m really motivated. What can I say? I’m just built different. Damn. And all this shit bc I started reading a comic series abt space robots and went through the entire catalog of emotions without feeling like I’m losing my grip on myself and/or reality. Wierd. Anyway, sorry to dump all this on here so suddenly. It’s not what I usually post, but I don’t feel ashamed to ramble on abt my emotions and mental health bc I think it’s normal. I’m not gonna do this regularly no ofc not. But only when significant (things I consider significant) things in my life happen. Funny how things work out. Anyway. It’s almost 12:35 am and I’m gonna go sleep off everything of today.

#mooshiblurbs #word vomit #yes I know I talk too much #my friends tell me that everyday lol #I feel like Swerve honestly #transformers #is it wierd to say that a series has impacted your life this much? probably not but it did for me at least #I’ve always had ambitions to do things but never did bc I was scared #idk what I was scared of but it was something #to something this might not seem like much #starting to read something that you’ve wanted to for a while now and fully commiting to now finishing it?#seems like something the average person could just do but to me it feels like I just climbed to the top of a mountain #unimooshi #I honestly don’t know where I stand with myself now but I’m not upset abt it tbh #if anything I’m glad #now I’m not confining myself to a select few things I’ve deemed ok to feel #I feel human #and that’s nice #idk I’m just kinda tired now #gn

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lovehelpmewrite · 5 years

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Records, Scissors, and Trust

Title: Records, Scissors, and Trust

Pairing: Loki x reader

Word count: 1.1k

Summary: One day while you’re relaxing with Loki, you notice his hair is in need of a bit of a cut. In response, he asks a favor that exercises your trust.

Warnings: its literal fluff

[A/N]: i was really in the mood to write Loki and fluff and honestly need a hair cut of my own so here she was born. I haven't written much for Loki and haven't posted anything for him before so hopefully, this is well received! Also, I have your Warren requests and im working on them don’t worry, i’ve just had this in my drafts for a hot minute and felt bad not posting anything at all. Anyway, read on lovelies!!!

Loki's hair was getting long.

Quiet music played from my record player, warm sun filtered in through my sheer curtains, and Loki and I sat on my chair and bed respectively, reading books together.

I had taken a short break from reading to readjust my eyes when I happened to take a peek at Loki and ended up watching his minutely changing facial expressions.

That was when I noticed it.

His hair was growing well past his shoulders by now, wavy, and soft, and gently curling at the ends.

While I had convinced him to pull it back into a bun a few times, he had it down now. Tucked behind his ear and washing over his neck and shoulders beautifully.

"It's rude to stare, you know," he spoke suddenly without looking up.

Heat covered my cheeks as I pulled my book up to cover my face from him.

"So what do you find so intriguing about me today that you felt the need to stare, petal?" Loki asked, his smile genuine despite his teasing tone.

"I just noticed your hair was... it's getting a bit long is all," I said softly peaking over the book with shy eyes.

He seemed to only just be noticing its length as he looked at his shoulders where it rested. He gave a thoughtful nod before looking back at me.

"I suppose it is. Do you dislike it?"

"No! I mean- I wasn't meaning to... I just notice its longer than you normally wear it is all! It looks good, I was just..." I bit my lip, forcing the word vomit to stop.

Loki only gave a soft smile and turned his gaze back to the dark locks.

"Thank you for noticing, petal. Would you mind cutting it for me?"

I opened and closed my mouth at a loss. Cut his hair? That's... a lot of responsibility. Despite my anxiety over messing up his hair, I found myself nodding.

Soon, he was sat on a chair in the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his shoulders and secured with a large hair clip.

I chewed my lip, looking over Loki's hair and trying to decide where to begin.

"You know, I can do it myself if its too much trouble, it's just easier with another person but I've done it plenty of times myself," Loki offered.

My eyes flicked up to his from staring the ends of his hair, finding nothing but sincerity. I shook my head at him.

"I want to do this for you," I said finally.

"Well, best get on with it then," he replied, a toothy grin growing on his face.

Ignoring my racing heart and steeling myself for the task at hand, I used my comb to part Loki's hair down the middle carefully and started cutting away small sections.

Pieces of wet hair littered the floor as I stood on bent legs behind him, cutting slowly to ensure an even line. Slowly I made my way around to his front, standing nearly in between his legs. I pulled the two front pieces taught under his chin and made a noise when they came together unevenly.

"It doesn't have to be perfect, petal-" Loki tried to say but I just made another dismissive noise.

"But I know I can get this even," I muttered, leaning closer and trimming the most minute amount of hair off one side. I pulled both sides straight down and compared them again. My lips pulled tightly to the right as I realized it wasn't straight on one side anymore because I had cut the front.

Instead of moving my now tired body around to his side I just sort of, leaned over Loki's thigh to cut the side.

Somehow his hand came to rest gently on my waist as I cut.

Neither of us commented on it as I came back to stand in front of him, looking intently at the lengths again.

Finally, I gave a little huff of victory and all but tossed the scissors into the bathroom sink. Then I was stood in between Loki's thighs, his hand on my waist, his face far closer than I had realized.

"All done," I declared, clearing my throat but still not moving.

"Thank you, petal," Loki answered evenly, eyes still holding me captive.

It felt like I was watching from outside of my own body as his lips pressed against mine. They were warm, slightly chapped, and tasted like... Loki. Something between toothpaste and coffee and whatever sweet he had last eaten.

My eyes had closed on instinct and stayed that way even after he pulled back, desperately willing the memory to engrave itself into my brain. After a few seconds of silence Loki made a stuttered sound and my eyelids fluttered open.

His eyes were wide, panicked.

"Y/N... petal, I didn't mean to... I don't want you to..." he was stumbling through words, so far from the silver-tongued prince everyone---including myself---was used to.

"I'm sorry," he landed on finally, " I shouldn't have done that, it wasn't my place. I shouldn't have-"

I pressed my lips back onto his, trying to stop the anxious ramble Loki had started, and to express my own feelings.

My chest swelled and my heart raced and my skin burned and it just felt so much like home. Like the feeling of finally coming back to somewhere familiar after being away so long, only to find everything exactly the same, and nostalgic, and right.

We both pulled back reluctantly, eyes locked on each other.

"Consider that payment," I spoke softly, trying to lighten the tension and watching the smile grow on Loki's face in response.

He turned for a second and looked in the mirror before facing me again with an even bigger grin.

"For a job so well done, you must let me give you a tip as well, petal."

I laughed, my heart lighter than ever, leaning forward to gently rest my forehead against his. Cheeky little god.

#loki x reader #loki x reader fluff #loki laufeyson #idk if theres people who've been wanting this #but i wrote it anyways #because i wanted to #so here ya go #i hope you like it anyway #please leave some opinions n feedback so i know your thoughts #and let me know if you want more loki stuff #because i have a lot of thoughts on him as a dynamic character #so #yeehaw i guess #also!!!#two fics in one weekend??#i must be mad #lmao no i've had this half done for a while and just never finished it

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haydenstudiesblog-blog · 6 years

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Paper Tips + Tricks in Lit(erature)

Sorry for that super lame title

Tip #1: Summarize in Lists

It’s always a good idea (BUT NOT REQUIRED) to include some sort of brief summary in your paper, but a common problem is allowing this summary to take up too much space on the page. We don’t need a run-down of the entire story; whoever is reading this paper has already read it. You just need enough to jog their memory. I suggest making a list of the important events in the story, the events that relate to your thesis, and pick the most important ones to use in the summary.

Tip #2: Include Author and Title

It’s 100% required to mention both the author and title of the story you are analyzing or discussing in your paper. Like, non-negotiable. This may seem annoying, but there’s a super easy way to accomplish this... Just put it at the beginning of the thesis. Super easy, right?

Here’s an example of an introductory paragraph I recently used in one of my paper, which got high marks (9.5/10 points) -

Although many refuse to believe it, Christianity has a history of absorbing Pagan traditional values and forms. In her short story “The Company of Wolves” Angela Carter uses the fairy tale “Little Red Riding Hood” to demonstrate the complex relationship between Christianity and Paganism through the use of symbolic religious imagery.

So. Simple. And I didn’t even include a summary (which I did not get docked points for doing).

Tip #3: Include Genre

I took note of this the other day in my literature class. We cover up the name of whoever wrote the paper and project it onto the board to talk through together. One person included the genre in the middle of the author and title mention, so it looked something like this -

In her fantasy-horror short story “The Company of Wolves” Angela Carter blah blah blah...

My professor commented on that, how she loved the inclusion of the genre, so I took note of it. It’s always nice to take note of the little things your professor likes to see in papers.

***However, I only recommend doing this if you’re super confident in the story’s genre. Or you can always look it up online.

Tip #4: Vampires Don’t Always Work

You may be thinking, “Uhh, vampires? When are there ever really vampires in literature? Why would I assume they always work?” Well, my friend, listen to this... There are more vampires in literature than we think. No, not the literal kind. I’m talking about literary vampire imagery. Example? You got it -

Karen Joy Fowler’s “Heartland” is a short story about a young girl, Willina, who feels trapped in a tourist-trap version of Oz. She finds solace in a tourist who flirts with her at work, and she makes plans to run away with him. Then he leaves her behind, and she is so lost in anguish and longing that she decides the only way out is to take her own life. In this short story, Fowler plays with feelings of longing, ambition, and love; she successfully connects these feelings to victim-shaming and sexual assault through the use of vampire imagery.

Not my best introductory paragraph OR thesis, but you kind of get the idea, yes? It’s easier to understand if you read my paper, which you can; I posted it on my blog recently, the paper is titled “Vampires in the Heartland” and you can find it by going to my tag. But anyway.

Vampires in literature are any selfish character. They destroy others for selfish reasons. In the case of this story, the tourist is a vampire on this young girl Willina. He does not literally suck her blood, but she does end up killing herself so maybe in a way he sucked the will to live out of her. Vampires can be found in a lot of stories. But they don’t always work, so you have to be careful. If someone is acting purely out of desire and not selfishness, they aren’t a vampire.

Tip #5: Plan Structure

Let’s get straight to the point here - the best way to give your paper good structure is to just word vomit all over the page. But organize it into paragraphs. Word vomit everything you need to say about one point or one piece of evidence, and keep that all in one paragraph. Once you’re done, move on to the next piece of evidence or point and do it all again. Just keep it all separate.

I have a few ideas on how you can stay organized this way, whether you prefer to type or write everything down first.

Typing - Use a Word document, or your preferred place to type (I love Scrivener) and put each major point that you use to support your thesis on its own separate page. Word vomit on each page, then go through page by page and organize what you did until each page has a paragraph for that particular point that includes all of the evidence you want it to have. Once you’ve done that for every point, you can start organizing them in the order you want. The way they all flow together the best from one point to the other. After they’re in the order you want them, you have to create transitions between each point/paragraph. This is always the trickiest part for me, but once you have everything in the best order it makes it a lot easier.

Writing - Use a notebook and do the same thing; put each point on its own page and word vomit on each page. Keep it all separate. Once that’s done, mold each page until they are paragraphs instead of word vomit all over the page (also don’t worry about being neat with the word vomit, just make sure you can read it). Then consider ripping out all of the pages and physically laying them out in front of you, that way you can sort them into the desired order. Then of course you have to create transitions between each point/paragraph.

If you are unsure about whether or not your points are in the best order, just hold tight...

Tip #6: Evidence/Points Order

Super basic advice here - decide what evidence is the strongest that supports your thesis and put that last. It’s easy to jump right in at the beginning out of excitement to talk about the best evidence you’ve ever found in your life that will make your thesis amazing and your paper a banger, but that leaves a very serious problem. What happens at the end, right before your conclusion? Your reader will be left disappointed. You got them all excited with that amazing evidence at the beginning, and left them hanging with the weakest evidence you had that really doesn’t do much. No. Leave them in amazement and put your best evidence last. Also a good reason to practice those structure processes I just talked about above.

Tip #7: Reevaluate Your Thesis

There’s a great chance that your thesis has somehow wound up in your conclusion. As you were writing, you probably got more and more excited and inspired and your mind created an amazing thesis and disguised it as a conclusion sentence. No. No. No. We’re not letting you get away with that. Hopefully you went ahead and waited until the end to do your introductory paragraph, because everyone knows those never hold up once you finished the rest of the paper, but in case you didn’t - go back and read it. Your thesis probably isn’t amazing anymore. Consider changing it.

Tip #8: Edit Forever

Up until now, you’ve just been writing your life away and organizing. Now, after you write your introductory paragraph (maybe before?), print out that paper and read it. It’s actually super important that you print it out to proofread it because our minds process it differently this way. You’ve been staring at it on the screen for a while now. Not only is your mind used to it, but our brains automatically skim things we read on screens. We read more thoroughly when things are in print. So print it out and proofread it. I recommend making marks in a color that’s NOT black, so it’s easier to see. And when you make a grammatical correction, circle it so there’s not a chance you’ll miss it when you go to fix it later.

Tip #9: Sentence Structure

Have you noticed that the rest of these tips are shorter? That’s because we’re almost done! But not yet.

You have limited space in this paper. You have a lot of points to make, and not a lot of room to do it. So you don’t have time for ramble-y sentences. Go through and get rid of those unnecessary words, like “that” (yes, 9 times out of 10 you actually don’t need the word). Where there are a lot of words where one will do, change it, but don’t do this so much that it doesn’t sound like you anymore. Your professor will notice if you sound like you have a PhD on paper and in person you couldn’t even tell them what half those words even mean. That doesn’t make you sound smart, it makes you look silly.

Also try to avoid going on long tangents in your paper. It can be hard, but try to notice them when you’re proofreading. Be concise in your sentences. Short, sweet, and to the point.

Tip #10: Double Check Citations

I’ll make a completely different post next week(ish) dedicated to citing literature papers. Until then, good luck.

Tip #11: YOUR Title

You didn’t think I’d forget to address the title of your own paper, did you? Gosh. The key here is to just know your professor. I know my professor loves puns, so I try to make my titles appropriately punny.

Here’s a secret - you actually aren’t allowed to just use the name of the story you’re writing about as the title of your paper. Annoying, right? Because that’s totally what I’d do if I could. You can use words from the title in your title. For example, the title of my paper of Karen Joy Fowler’s “Heartland” was “Vampires in the Heartland” but there’s a reason for this. The term “heartland” is actually what is used to describe the midwest, which is why it’s the name of the story. It’s used as a clue that this story takes place in Oz in Kansas, since that’s never explicitly stated in the story. There are just a ton of clues and hints dropped in that are meant to help you draw that conclusion. So I decided to use that in my title. And since my paper was about literary vampire imagery in this story, I settled with that name. My professor put a little heart next to it.

It’s fun to come up with punny names for your papers. Another example is my most recent paper, which was over a re-imagination of the Little Red Riding Hood fairy tale as a short story that demonstrated the history between Christianity and Paganism (my thesis statement for this is above). So for the title of that story I used “The Better to Preach to You With” which is actually super corny and I didn’t get a little heart next to it, but I almost got full points on the paper so she must’ve been fine with it.

You have to take the time to come up with a name, you might as well have fun with it.

That’s all I’ve got for now. I hope this was helpful. Feel free to add your own tips. Most of these are tips straight out of my literature professor’s mouth. Look for my post next week on citing a literature paper, which will be 100% tips by my professor. Of course every professor is different, but I’ve been using all of these tips on another literature professor of mine and she’s been good with them as well.

#haydenstudiesblog #english student #literature student #literature paper #english paper #literature paper tips #tips and tricks #studyblr #college #college student #college studyblr #student #english studyblr #literature studyblr

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imashayne · 6 years

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Part 1 chapter 1

So this is the first chapter of what I've been working on. It hasn't been edited at all yet so I'm not posting it too my ao3 or ffn until my beta gets her hands on it but wanted to share it here. It doesn't have a title yet. Doesn't have much of anything yet besides the entire plot summarized in my notebook. There's gonna be 3 parts... Idk blah I hope someone enjoys XD

Part 1: The Story Thus Far

Chapter 1: The Rise of Voltron

Lance’s grumbling was louder than the soft whoosh of the door as it opened. The boy’s feet dragged as he slouched into the room, allowing gravity to pull him down into his bed. He landed with a soft flump and bounced for a moment.

“Stupid Hunk and his stupid vomit stinking the simulator up. Stupid Pidge and his stupid big smart mouth and his stupid obsession getting us reamed.”

Lance continued to bemoan his rotten luck as he slowly peeled off the hideous orange uniform. (man it just wasn’t his color) This Galaxy Garrison business was no joke.

His already lethargic movements slowed further as he thought back to the simulator, lips pursing in annoyance. It wasn’t his fault that Hunk was so ridiculously easy to tease. Or that Pidge rose so quickly to everything shot his way. (did he have a little man complex or something, geez.)

If Lance had been trying at all he – Lance paused completely in his movements. Looking down at his socked feet, fingers tightening over his green jacket, which he’d plucked from over his desk chair. His deep blue eyes flicked up to his reflection in the mirror that hung on the wall right next to the door. His brows were drawn together and slanted downwards. His shoulders tight and hunched.

“I could have passed that test easy peasy.” He stated firmly to himself, not quite believing his own words.

Decisively Lance jammed his arms into the sleeves of the well worn green jacket and fell back into his chair. While he spun it in place the boy idly wondered what Pidge’s whole problem was with the Kerberos mission even was. The shorter boy was hard to read like all the time. Until that mission was brought up. That hadn’t been the first time Lance had needed to step between his petite teammate and a commanding officer.

Lance knew he recognized the name too. He just couldn’t quite recall from where. It niggled irritatingly at his brain. It had been a botched job to the far off moon of course, everyone in the garrison knew that. Since it was constantly brought up as an example to the cadets about why their studies tied in with the simulator practice was so important. But Lance knew he was forgetting something important about it. Something that he’d cared about at the time it had happened. He stopped the spinning of his chair for a moment. Oh yeah…. Shiro. His literal idol had been the pilot for that. Besides Hunk the Pilot and Commander of the Kerberos endeavor, Shiro, had been the entire reason for Lance’s interest in joining the Galaxy Garrison to begin with.

But why was Pidge so up in arms about the entire thing? Suddenly feeling somber Lance pulled his phone out, fingers dancing over the orange display, curious if there were any other details that he was missing.

Before he’d finished typing a happy jingle broke through the still air of the room. Lance’s body jumped and he almost dropped his phone. Lance didn’t have time or the thought to check who was calling as his grip changed clumsily to answer.

A warm and familiar voice rang over the line. “Bueno’s noches mi Carino!”

Lance had to hold his breath for a moment to keep a sigh from escaping. He allowed it out slowly and quietly before responding. “Bueno’s noches Abuela.” He stated forcing a cheerful tone into his voice. His eyes flicked over to the digital clock atop his desk, thinking that the nightly call from his family had come a bit early. But his brows shot up in surprise. Lance hadn’t been aware how much time had passed. Silently this time the boy cursed his luck. Though he wasn’t yet hungry he’d already missed dinner.

And as awful as he knew it was Lance kind of wished that he’d not answered. After the day he’d had there wasn’t enough energy left in him to match how excitable his family got when talking to him. (or you know, ever)

As his grandmother’s voice washed over him the beauty of the Spanish language rolled out across the line musically. This at least was so relaxing and the isolated moment he’d had passed just as quickly as it had come.

It was like this almost every night. And for the Hispanic boy it was what had replaced the lively family dinners he missed so much. His dear grandma was simply rambling on about her day. About how the mariposa were blooming beautifully in her garden, or that all of her friends at bingo were asking how her handsom grandson was doing in that ‘space program’ (a topic which never got old apparently)

After her speaking for however long she wished too (an endeavor that could sometimes take hours out of his night if someone didn’t pull her away from the phone) Lance’s siblings would fight over who got to talk to him next. Their excitement clear. Even though the sound of them bickering grated on his nerves just as much over the line as it did in person (regardless of how much he missed them) Lance felt his chest grow tight knowing what would probably come after. Despite himself he hoped that the arguing of his little brother and sister could last just a little bit longer.

Lance silently hoped that his parents would be at work still. They were both busy in their professional lives. For his mother, who held long tiring hours at the hospital, it was fairly normal to miss each other for these nightly calls. But it wasn’t his mom that Lance was worried about. Sure her probing questions about his studies put him on edge. Not quite in the same way any talk with his dad did though.

Lance pushed himself forward in the chair, no longer leaning precariously back as he listened. Now the boy waited with breath held as over the line muffled sounds signaled that the phon was changing hands once more on their end.

“*Alright there cadet?*” His father’s Spanish always sounded harder than his abuela’s. But then again everything about the man was like that. If it had been anyone else asking this it might have been joking. Lance knew better however. He’d really been hoping that the older man would still be out on his patrols. But as with everything else had proven today Lance’s luck was not holding out tonight.

“*What uh…. What’d’ya mean?*” Lance tried to keep his tone even, held at his usual level of teasing brevity. An attempt he almost succeeded at, though he was sure that the gulp was painfully audible over the call.

“*You know well enough what I’m talking about. Don’t play games.*” As if realizing who he was talking too his dad huffed out an obvious sigh, the only real sign of his frustration that Lance had. “But since’ you’re not man enough to tell me about your mistakes today then I’ll just get this out there for you to understand.” Oh no. Dad had switched to English. That was a sure sign that nothing good was about to happen. The Cuban man only switched to this language to keep his grandparents from hearing how /bad/ he was about to get it. (otherwise his dear Abuela would step in to tell her son a thing or two about patience with children…. And Lance, along with all of his siblings, had hidden behind her many a time to escape their dad’s wrath) Lance squeezed his eyes shut as his father began to absolutely ream him for that day’s performance in the simulator.

The Cuban boy did not know how his dad always seemed to know these sort of in depth details of Lance’s progress in the Garrison, since the man wouldn’t give up his source (and as he put it time and time again ‘if you would take this more seriously and put in actual effort you wouldn’t have to worry about this sort of thing son’) Lance just assumed that, as a police officer, his dad had connections.

He really wished the old man didn’t. For this exact reason.

Atop his thigh where Lance’s free hand rested his fingers curled into a tight fist. As always when his dad lectured Lance just assumed he would have to ride this out.

Again he was wrong to hold any hope for lady luck to give him a break today. Officer McClain’s voice didn’t halt in the berating criticism, and the final note he ended on shot straight through Lance to the heart of his insecurities.

“Perhaps you were not the right material for this space program. You didn’t get in on a scholarship like your friend Hunk. You should stop wasting everyone’s time, and our hard earned money. Just come home mijo.”

Lance felt like the floor had dropped out from under him. Go…. Home? Leave the Garrison…. And Hunk… and Pidge.

He didn’t hear if his dad was still talking or not. He didn’t really care. His hand slipped down into his lap and his body slouched back. Lance tipped his head and stared at the ceiling.

Lance wasn’t sure how long he stayed like that. Thoughts swirling around in his mind like vultures.

Should he go home? It was true that he wasn’t a natural genius like Hunk and Pidge seemed to be. He’d had to study his butt off to be accepted! And even then his marks had barely skimmed the prerequisites in science and math. There was nothing here that he really excelled at. He’d only really come because Hunk had made the Garrison sound so cool! And at the time Shiro had just made fighter pilot for a super important mission! Youngest guy to ever make it to that level…. That fast. Lance had tried hard to get in…. and now was all of that effort going to go to waste?

But…. It wasn’t like Lance wanted to leave. Sure he missed his family, his home, Abuela’s cooking, his mother’s stories. Hell even his little sibling’s bickering and his older sister’s teasing. But Lance could already do more than he’d thought possible of himself. And yeah the boy wasn’t having the easiest time here (a hard thing to admit, even silently and only to himself) All of the commanding officer’s seemed to perpetually have sticks stuck up in em, and all the other groups of cadets held such pretentious, pompous stuck up nerds.

And if Lance left it would put his team in an awkward position of having to find a new fighter pilot. By either promoting one of the handful of cargo pilots or making Hunk and Pidge wait…. Lance didn’t want either of those things and the mere thought twisted his gut with guilt. He couldn’t do that to them.

So…. Maybe he’d leave at the end of the semester? But even that possibility gave him a tight feeling in his chest.

Lance wished he had something to do to rid himself of all the nervous energy that now filled him. He just wasn’t good at this sort of thing. His thoughts began spiraling uselessly in his head.

If he was home right now Lance might have pulled out his old guitar and plucked out a familiar tune. Or snuck out his bedroom window to run down to the beach. Feeling the warm salt water could always refresh him after a night time dip. And if that wasn’t enough the rush of a wave would be.

But Lance wasn’t home. And he didn’t want to go home. At least not like this.

So the boy was unsure what he should do.

He wouldn’t be able to focus enough to work on his homework, or study at all (though he had a test in the morning)

Lance realized that he’d stood, and was pacing back and forth before his bed.

With a dramatic sigh Lance fell over into his bed, wondering if he could maybe just sleep this stress away.

Yeah right, he was already antsy. There wasn’t a white noise soothing enough, nor a sleeping ask that could cut out both light AND anxiety. Tonight would probably be another sleepless one. Every negative thing that had been said to him that day swirled like a storm in his mind. Lance knew that even if his insomnia lifted what sort of nightmares would await him.

Lance growled and jumped up again, heading for the door.

He had to move. To do something. Though he was still unsure about what he was going to do, that predicament didn’t last very long. As he stepped out of his room his feet had already turned towards Hunk’s dorm.

A mischievous glint entered his azure gaze and his lips twisted up into his telltale lopsided grin…. The sort of expression that promised trouble.

Commander Iverson had said that Hunk, Pidge and him had to work on their team bonding hadn’t he? And there was no better way to break down walls between people than to break some rules with them.

#klance #voltron #lance #fanfiction #idkwhatelsetoput

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