#like no baby you focusing on being fully present is how you get us to LEAVE not SEE WHAT U SEE

[what-if-i-dee-eye-do]

23: *having a rough time with TBK's emotional bleedthrough*

23: what if I just

23: *dissociates into the mcr concert we went to*

Liz, who struggles with fronting alone/without help and Did Not Ask:

#liz speaking #other #for later me #negative #jesus dude fuckin rude #like. I thought we were working together rn but ok go off and have fun I guess? #fucker barely even let me see the concert as it was happening bc they were obsessed with 'recording it' for everyone else smh #like no baby you focusing on being fully present is how you get us to LEAVE not SEE WHAT U SEE #wait am I (Liz) getting a better handle on the system bc that was weirdly uh. fact-like? idk #also easier on future me if I just put the post itself into third person most times and talk As Whoever in the tags if that makes sense #also oh my god I think 23 can use the experience of the concert to have mcr 'perform' songs in the head that they didn't perform at that #concert like they very much did not play kill all your friends but I just got a pretty clear snapshot of them doing that so that's #uh. something #on the bright side I literally Cannot feel tbk's sadness anymore so that's nice at least. sorry if ur still strugglin in there boyo

[princessbrunette]

sleepy n thinkin ab using rafe while he’s on game!!

he’s too focused to care that you’re just so needy for him, whining and crying because you want him so bad till it gets to the point where you’re splayed in front of him, panties gone n rubbing yourself on his bulge just to feel a little bit better!!

⛸️✧˖°❅🤍

something about his nonchalance only further riles you up. he dodges around your head when you straddle him— hot in the face and teary eyed. you’d become tired of being ignored, but that romantic sickness that swirled in your stomach betrays you, and you miss him despite his presence being so close physically. he’s right there, but he hasn’t so much as glanced at you in hours.

his bulge presents itself to you. it’s always there, thick and prominent in any pair of slacks he wears, even clear in the old pair of grey sweatpants he wears to bed. you wondered why rafe never would be caught dead in the casual garment, being such a popular clothing item to sport among guys his age — and aside from his attachment to old money and being a ‘grown man’, maybe he wouldn’t wear sweatpants out doors because he was afraid of showing too much. after all, you could practically see each vein in his cock through the material.

if ignoring you for a screen wasn’t enough, he wears a headset today too. he’s not even a gamer, he wouldn’t call himself one anyway — viewing it as a hobby to be juvenile and time wasting. however; he was a sucker for 2K, coarse thumbs dashing across joysticks as he swears into the mic, undoubtably bossing topper or kelce about, telling them to pull their weight. classic rafe.

your legs are split either side of him as you find solace in the warm skin of his neck, peeking from the blue t-shirt he wears. he doesn’t mind you, it’s nothing he’s not used to anyway — your clingy and grabby ways catching up with you after an evening of being pretty much ignored for his friends and virtual characters on a screen. you’ve soaked yourself, it’s embarrassing really — how much watching your boyfriend relax and blow off steam can rile you up. like previously mentioned, it’s the lack of acknowledgment too. at this point, you’d do anything to appoint the attention to yourself.

“careful, baby.” is all he offers, barely opening his mouth to say it as he concentrates on the screen. you respond with a pleased hum as you grind on his bulge and he adjusts his headset, sitting up a little straighter with paranoia that his friends might hear. despite this, he continues to play — and you continue to hump him.

it’s clear it feels good for him too, because whilst he outwardly ignores you— he leans back, licking his lips and bucking his hips ever so slightly to adjust his seating, eyes glued to the screen. he even continues to boss his friends around through his headset, but you’re refusing to ignore the way his voice comes out just that bit breathier and slower, playing a little worse on the screen.

he knows when to call it quits on the game — and it’s when you really start putting on a show. you sit back, feet pressed onto the bed as you spread your knees wider — displaying your cunt fully to him as you grind, letting your pleased whimpers free without a care for his friends hearing. you tune in to what he’s saying through the mic as he speaks his farewell.

“alright — hey, i’m goin’. my girls — shutup, topper — my girl needs me. don’t expect you suckers to understand. yeah whatever bro.” you’re not sure what he’s responding to and you don’t care, only whining when your folds audibly part, your stickiness calling to him.

he yanks the headset off his head and looks down on you with a glassy gaze and parted lips.

“you wanna be heard. that right?”

“no, just want you.” you combat pathetically, panting like a puppy as you hump on your boyfriend.

“yeah…” he drawls, grasping a thick handful of your hip, lips shining from his tongue’s coat in the darkened hue of his bedroom. “you want attention. tha’s what you fuckin’ want.”

you pout at this, wishing he’d drop the mean act for just a moment. you can usually work it out of him, keep pleasing him ‘til he breaks — getting soft and sometimes even silly on you. you roll your hips, inspiring a low hum from him now as he helps you along with two hands on your ass.

“maybe i just missed you, rafey.” you groan, high pitched and bordering on pornagraphic. his nose scrunched when his lips part, eyes fixated on the way your folds part around the girth of his shape in his sweatpants.

“so god damn fuckin’ sexy.” he speaks through gritted teeth, and in a split flash you’re on your back — rafe hovering above you with strong greedy hands pinning you down. “gettin’ off on my lap. who’d you think you are, hm?” he hums, taking the lead as he noses at your jaw. there’s a faint clattering of his headset sliding off the sheets but you ignore it, lost in the moment.

“think m’your girl.” you daze, and if there’s any message your boyfriend drills into your head, it’s that his girl is allowed to take what she wants. even from him.

“got that right.” he’s fighting his sweatpants down with one hand, shoving your thighs open with the other. you didn’t need any preparation today, the art of being purely ignored for a game had gotten you as wet as they come.

⛸️✧˖°❅🤍

#anon #rafe cameron prompt

[donutz]

Poppy Playtime with a twist!!

SUMMARY||So younger you meets you in the present at poopy playhouse, but like it's super cool

EVERYONE THINKS THE STAFF DISSAPPEARED 10 YEARS AGO

WE'RE STILL HERE.

FIND THE FLOWER

ꕤ

“Find the flower?” Is it a pretty flowerrr? Not really..

Playtime Co? Oh. Playtime Co. Uhm. Well everybody who worked there isn't working there, not anymore. I'm not saying they disappeared. I read the letter!!

.

.

.

Hey they spelt disappeared wrong.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

I drive over to Playtime Co in my [any type of car] and end up seeing blocked off doors.

I mean this place is abandoned so what do you expect?

Another warning to not go in. But like, I'm wayyy too bored in life so I'm goin in.

Somebody's at the door?

I wonder who.

After 10 minutes, surprisingly not taking long, I managed to open the doors.

Getting a view of the colorful place that I once worked at, I also see a person.

“Hello! I was waiting for you! Somebody told me you got sent an envelope so I stood here, waiting.”

I stood there, looking at them with a bit of surprise. And being a little bit suspicious.

Are they not gonna talk?

They kind of look like me, as if they were my identical twin. Just born at different times.

.

.

.

I somehow muster the courage to speak up after a moment of awkward silence.

“... Why do you look like me, but older..” I asked with sweat slowly collecting on my face.

I take note of what they said and say, “Hm, come here for a sec”.

I walk over to them and stand there looking at them, looking away from time to time.

“Hm.” I examine the person. “Oh! Because I am you but older”!

“WH— What.” I lowered my volume, just in case something would spawn out of nowhere.

“It looks like you went to the future.” I tell the past me.

“You're me? But older? Coooll.” I drag my words with imaginary stars in my eyes.

“Follow me m'kay?” I command. Sounds kinda fancy, command.

“Kay!”

I was so gullible.

We both go to a colorful room with a few trains that have different colors per train.

“You see those trains right?” I question my younger self.

“Yea”.

“Those colors on each train are for a color code.” I stated.

“Green, pink—”

“Yellow and red”.

“Good. Now we're gonna go to that color pad thing and put in the colors”.

“Can IIIII do that..?” I ask with a smile on my face.

“Sure.”

I put in the colors and the door unlocked. I softly grabbed the handle as I slowly opened the door, observing what's inside the room.

“There's nothing spooky in the room”.

.. Stupidly, I flinched from older me talking because of how focused I was.

“Did you just flinch”?

“No”.

“I don't know what you're talking about”.

“... Sure”.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

After finishing the grabpack tutorial, we go up to the big door and I[past me] scan[scans] with my[their] blue hand.

“This might take a bit so just wait”.

“Okay”.

The door is fully open.

I see, huggy? But he's.. Oh. “Hey young me”.

“Yeeeess?” I ask with curious eyes.

“I think, I went back to the past”.

“You did”?

“Yea”.

“I'm gonna nerd out for a sec”.

“It's okay, I do that too”.

“I think that once you started coming here, maybe the factory was— restarting to the past. Like a process of it. Maybe that's why they were moving around so much. While I was at the front desk it was still happening. But when you entered it finished. Oh and y'know what? Maybe me walking around here was also me going through that time traveling process.” I explained.

I was wide-eyed. Mouth open a little bit even.

Ooo. That's.. Okay..? I mean I hate what's gonna happen but. Whatevs. “Yo, tiny baby”.

“.. Me? Are you seriously talking to me”?

“Mhm. Follow me”.

“Is that Huggy Wuggy”.

“No, it's Gojo— who do you think that is”?

“I—!” I make a click sound with my tongue and look away.

“You suck.” I claim, furrowing my eyebrows.

“Thanks. Anyways, this is my baby, Huggy. Who is going to kill us in the future. Or try to”.

“Hey, I bet you twenty bucks that once we go into a room, after like 30 seconds he'll be gone. But you gotta look away. Anddd, I bet you another 5 bucks that he can hear us, or me, talking right now”!

“That's not fair. You're in the future so you know it's going to happen”.

“Mhm, bet or no bet”?

“No bet”.

“>:/”

I go to the door with a bunch of stuff inside and try to open it.

But I end up hearing a jingle of keys..?

“Thanks Huggy.” I smiled when saying that and walked towards the electronic room. At least that's what I call it.

Unlocking it I go in—

“Don't leave me pretty please”!!!

…I expected younger me to follow but I don't need to worry right now.

Once we were in the room, the door locked. I mean that's what I heard. I'm basically going through my life, again. This is something that would be studied. Old people would kill for something like this.

“Did the door lock”?

“I don't know, try opening it”.

I wandered over to the poles and solved a puzzle while younger me was freaking out over the locked door.

“Uhmmmmm, I think Huggy's gone”!!!

“Wait weally????” I mocked, a small smile creeping up on my face.

“SHUT UP I'M SERIOUS!!!” I yelled, DO THEY.. I. Uhm. DOES OLDER ME NOT UNDERSTAND???

“I've been through this already, you baby”.

“...”

I finished the puzzle and then walked towards the kid.

“Move out the way please!!” I said, making my eyes big and sad looking, like a cartoon character.

“>:[”

The door opened, and we both walked out.

“Alright, time to move to the next area”.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

#these tags have spoilers!! #poppy playtime #gn reader #gender neutral reader #gender neutral #not really an x reader #timeline #catnap #dogday #pickypiggy #bubba bubbaphant #kickinchicken #craftycorn #hoppy hopscotch #bobby bearhug #huggy wuggy #mommy long legs #poppy playtime x reader

[eyesthatroll]

my champ | n. mackinnon

pairing; nathan mackinnon x fem!reader

warning(s); kissing, cursing, mention of insecurity/self pressure??

summary; not long enough for a summary but took inspiration sort of from this tweet!!!! (🥹🥹)

word count; 0.83k

author's note; guys, i don't know how it happened, but i became enamored with nathan mackinnon in the time span of like 17 hours. i don't know what it is, there's just something about him!!!!!! anyways, go canucks!1!1! also this was going to be a lot longer but i haven't written in a while and just wanted to get back into the swing of things, hope it's not too bad. love ya!

Entering the hotel room, you feel an overwhelming sense of fatigue, prompting you to collapse onto the plush queen-sized bed positioned at the room's center. Disregarding the conventional way of removing your shoes, you nudge them off with your toes, allowing them to tumble onto the soft carpeted floor, not really caring where they land while simultaneously hoping Nathan doesn’t trip on them. 

"Baby?" Nathan's voice echoes from the bathroom. In reply, you emit a soft hum, the gentle cascade of water from the sink filling the room's silence.

Exiting the bathroom, he casually discards his jacket onto a coat rack affixed to the wall. Crossing over to the opposite side of the bed, he bends down to meet your gaze at eye level. "You okay?"

You roll your eyes, a subtle sigh escaping your lips. "Tired, hungry, dreading the weekend.”

He rises from his previous position, and you shift on the bed, making room for him to join. Settling in effortlessly, he turns his body to lie on his side, supporting his head with his elbow, giving him a perfect view of you. His gaze focuses on your left hand, where you absentmindedly fiddle with the gorgeous 4-carat radiant-cut diamond ring adorning your finger.

"I'll never get tired of seeing that on your finger," Nathan's voice is a gentle murmur, as if he fears that speaking any louder about your wedding ring would broadcast it to the entire world.

You respond with a soft smile, lifting your gaze to meet his deep blue eyes, filled with nothing but adoration. "It's a beautiful ring."

Indeed, it truly was. The diamond, precisely cut to the shape you desired, struck the perfect balance in size—not overly showy, as larger ones might seem to you, yet not too small, just perfectly proportioned. Leave it to Nathan to discover and present you with your dream ring, even though you had only casually mentioned your preferences maybe once in the past two years.

"You're beautiful," he comments easily, his free hand reaching out to gently tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.

Your teeth graze your bottom lip as you fight back a smile. "You're so corny.”

His thumb meets his middle finger to flick you in the forehead, shaking his head as he falls back onto the pillow. "Fuck off."

Seeing an opportunity, you use it to gracefully climb over him, your posture settling over the waistband of his sweatpants, which were hanging dangerously low. Taking a moment, you allow yourself to truly look at him, your breath catching in your throat as you admire your husband.

"What?" he asks, eyebrows quirked.

You shake your head. "You're so handsome."

He truly was, in every inconceivable sense of the word. You made it a point to express that sentiment and offer other compliments on a daily basis. Nathan, being a professional athlete, tended to be hard on himself and often overly critical. While you knew your compliments couldn't fully dispel what brewed below the surface, you liked to believe they provided some solace at least a little bit. 

"Who's corny now?" he teases, his hands shifting from his sides to your waist, slipping under the thick material of one of his old hoodies that you've stolen.

"I'm serious," you groan, laying a gentle slap against his chest.

"So was I," he counters. "And I-"

You lean down swiftly, pressing your lips against his in an attempt to silence him, and it works like a charm. Though, you can feel his famous Nate Mackinnon giggle against your lips, prompting one of your own. When you pull apart, a soft smile graces your lips as your fingers trace down the scruff of his beard. "My Stanley Cup champ."

His cheeks redden at your words, and he lets out an airy laugh.

"I'm so proud of you, you know that?" you ask, and he nods. His tongue darts out to wet his bottom lip, undoubtedly carrying a lingering taste of strawberry from your tinted lip balm.

"You tell me every day," he answers with a quick retort, rolling his eyes. However, a smile lingers on his lips.

Raising a brow, you inquire, "Do you believe me?"

Asking the question seemed to hang in the air, the silence stretching before he responded. His brow furrows, and you could almost feel the weight of his thoughts. A heavy sigh escapes his lips, a mix of something you couldn’t quite put your finger on. “Course I do,” he finally answers. 

You narrow your eyes at him, sensing his hesitation. That wasn’t a very convincing answer, but you decide not to pressure him further. Instead, you lean down and rejoin your lips with his. This time, his hands migrate from your waist to your bum, their grip firm and reassuring as he sucks in your bottom lip.

"I love you so damn much," he murmurs, between kisses down your neck. 

God, did you love this man with everything in you.

#nathan mackinnon #nathan mackinnon x you #nathan mackinnon x reader #nathan mackinnon fic #nathan mackinnon fluff #hockey fic #hockey imagine #nhl fic #nhl imagine #nathan mackinnon oneshot #nathan mackinnon imagine #nathan mackinnon imagines

[venerawrites]

Omg I love your writing and am so so here for all the Gaara love! ♥️

Could you pretty please do Gaara finding out his S/O is pregnant?

author's note: thank you so much, you are so sweet! I love this request, it is so cute! Thank you so much for the idea! <3

Gaara never wanted to be a dad.

Not because he didn't love you or because he didn't want to share his life with you...

But rather because he did not believe he was fit to be a parent himself.

Firstly, he was a pretty busy man and knew he would not be able to spend a lot of time with his child. Being the son of the late Kazekage himself, he knew how rare family dinners and walks to the park were.

Secondly, he has never been good with children. Growing up without any friends, he was unsure how to handle anyone below the age of 10.

Like, how are you even supposed to speak to them? Like babies? Like adults? Do they have the capacity to even fully understand words?

Gaara was fully happy with the idea of spending your life together just the two of you, and based on the many conversations you had before, you were too.

But accidents DO happen...

and you DID get pregnant, despite your joint effort to prevent it.

When you saw the two lines on the test, your eyes widened in shock. The idea of becoming a mother hasn't even crossed your mind and here you were, holding the proof that a new life was starting to bloom inside of you.

You didn't know how to break the news to Gaara. So you decided that you are just going to wait for a few days till an appropriate time to share it with him presents itself.

The young Kazekage, however, knew you like the back of his hand and immediately knew something was wrong once he noticed your withdrawn behaviour.

So one morning, before you could even start your day properly, he rolled over on your shared bed, so he was hovering over you and cornered you between his arms.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong or do I have to keep you hostage in this bed?", he joked, yet there was a note of concern in his voice.

You stared at him long and hard, not cracking even a smile before abruptly saying:

"I am pregnant."

His smile fell and his whole body stiffened. His eyes became double their normal size and his mouth fell open.

When? How?... What?

Both of you always made sure to use protection, how was that possible?

He will start stuttering questions, crashing next to you with his brows furrowed in confusion. You are going to have to give him some basic sex ed talk about how contraception does not always work 100%.

"I want this child", you told him, eyes focused on your fidgeting hands in your lap, "I don't know about you but-"

Your words were interrupted by the soft feeling of his fingers interlacing with yours. When you looked up at him, he had a soft smile on his face.

"Hey", he gently said, "I want this child too! You are carrying the fruit of our love inside of you."

And at this moment you knew a new, better chapter was about to begin for you two.

I feel like Gaara would try to appear calm and collected about the news, just so he doesn't freak YOU out, but internally he would be scared and nervous.

He would borrow books from Suna's library about how to deal with pregnancies and new parenthood, going as far as even taking some written notes of the tips he finds interesting.

The more time passes, the more overprotective he would become.

Like I don't think he would stop you from doing lower-class missions from the very beginning (especially knowing how stubborn can you be about stuff like that), but after the first 3 months, he is definitely banning you from leaving the village.

He would send Kankuro to check on you regularly, making him use lame excuses that he is just "popping in to take something that Gaara has forgotten in the house".

First 5-6 months are pretty smooth sailing, tbh... Other than the fact that he is more worried than usual about your well-being, I don't think there is going to be much change to your relationship.

But THE LAST 3 MONTHS... OH MY!

This is when your mood swings, cravings, and hormones just go through the roof.

You are constantly unhappy with him - if he is with you, why is he suffocating you? If he is away, why is he working so much?

lots of fights about minor stuff :(

Gaara definitely has the patience of a saint, so poor man would just calmly take your insults and 5 seconds later - your kisses.

He is questioning if he wants a second child, tho

Despite being a busy Kage, he would still make time to pamper you after work by giving you foot massages, preparing your favourite snacks, or going for late-night walks, just because you wanted "some damn fresh air".

Overall, pretty caring and gentle with you during your pregnancy, but not TOO overbearing. He respects your personal freedom and at the end of the day, he thinks you know better than him what you are doing.

#gaara of the sand #gaara headcanons #gaara x reader #gaara imagine #naruto headcanons #naruto imagines #sabaku no gaara #naruto requests

[soubeomies]

oh my GOD. i love your writing!!! can we get like pure fluff heuning kai please. i need it. i have a few scenarios so have fun with these.

kai being on tour and he calls you every night trying not to expose the presents until he gets home and shows you stupid little things for the two of you (matching phonecases,,rings, bracelets, etc)

morning with kai (cuddling, staying in bed, random little talks so the two of you wake up)

AND!! the tiktok coquette bf bow trend with kai!! use any of these!!

pairing ; hueningkai x gn!reader

genre ; fluffiest fluff to ever fluff

warnings ; NONE HEHE :3

a/n ; OMG TYSM FOR BEING MY FIRST REQ! i'll do the coquette bow trend cuz i think its sauuuurrr cyuutee <3 ILY !!!!!

you were on the bed scrolling through tiktok as your boyfriend, kai, was in the bathroom showering since he just got back from tour a few days ago and decided to stay over at your place since he had a few days off. you were moving around to get in a comfortable position, your legs slightly tangled in the mess of your blanket.

you continue scrolling on your phone as a video pops up on your for you page. it's a video of a girl tying a pink little bow on her boyfriend's biceps, with a lana del rey song as its audio. you stare into the screen with a smile as an idea pops up in your head, maybe you should make kai do it?

you impatiently waited for him to finish showering and exit the bathroom. as you heard the bathroom door creak open, you practically whipped your head around to face kai. he looked at you with a hint of confusion in his eyes, he had a towel in his hand as he was rubbing the towel against his glistening strands of blonde hair. you quickly got up as you walked up to him, 

“hey baby .. ?” you said in a slightly persuasive tone in your voice, holding your phone behind your back. he looked at you as he laughed a little, “hm? what do you need this time?” he said gently. he looked at you lovingly, though you knew, whatever you asked him, he would probably do it. because according to him “he loves you too much to say no”.

you smile a little at him as you showed him your phone and the video you saw earlier, he watched the video fully as he looked at you. “you want.. me? to let you tie a pink bow.. around my arm?” he asked you with a slightly confused tone in his voice. 

you eagerly nod at him, “mhm! please? pretty please?” you pleaded. he laughed at your adorable behaviour as he nodded at you, “how could i say no?” he said whilst he smiled at you, he looked as if he was ready to do anything for you. if you told him to jump, he would've probably asked “how high”.

you dragged him over to a cleaner area of your apartment as you clicked stuff on your phone to get the lana del ray audio. you then set your phone down as you scurry around your apartment, looking for a pink ribbon to tie around his arm. you then opened a drawer as you found some pink ribbon. you cut a reasonable amount of it as you walked back up to him. you then tie it around his arm and tried to make the bow look as perfect as possible.

he looked at your focused face with a smile, “you look cute while being this focused by the way..” he muttered under his breath, a small flush of rosy pink gradually appearing on his cheeks. you smile at his comment as you finally got the bow tied perfectly!

you take your phone and started recording. as you were recording him, he practically couldn't stay still. he was giggling and laughing as he found it a little embarrassing. 

–

its been a few hours since you posted that tiktok, you’ve gotten comments saying stuff like

“OMG! IS THAT UR MAN GIRLLL???? DAMNNN”

“HUENINGKAIII????” “SO CUTE OMMGGG”

you smiled gently as you read all the cute comments you got from your friends as he was laying on your lap, asleep :)

#fanfic #kpop #kpop fanfic #aesthetic #txt #txt fanfic #tomorrow x together #hueningkai #hueningkai txt #txt kai #kai txt #hueningkai x reader #hueningkai fanfic #txt post #kai #deja vu #blonde kai #silly #yayyy omg first req #soubeomies

[sminiac]

hehe now is my moment 🙏🏾 i'll ask abt xikers later but i would loveee your thoughts on 8turn,, who do u think are doms, who are subs, who are switches,,, like a little analysis yk! i hope more ppl req for 8turn cuz i love them sm

💌— NOW IS YOUR MOMENT BUNNY !! OHHHHH I’M SO EXCITED FOR THIS.

Warnings — Smut focused! MDNI.

⋆ J. Myungho

Dom, and a mean one at that. He thrives with control and having a say, he likes the way you obey, even when you choose not to he likes it— the challenge, the adrenaline. But I will say he completely has the ability to be a switch too when he wants to, he’d like being taken care of, talked to sweetly, having his needs put first because that always feels good. He really can’t help how mushy he becomes by being doted on, and so quickly too! It’s a fairly rare occurrence, but when he’s in subspace he’s in it deep. Besides that, going back to his roots, Myungho doesn’t mind being called ‘daddy’ but he loves calling you names, “Princess”, “Sweetheart, “Baby.” He’s sick, will call you the names he typically only uses in bed when the two of you are out together just to get a reaction.

Remainder of members under the cut!

⋆ M. Jaeyun

I don’t really peg Jaeyun as a concrete sub or dom, I think he’d fall slightly more on the vanilla side, he enjoys the intimacy of sex and the concept of pleasuring your partner to such otherworldly extents and doing anything to fulfil that, and having the same done for him, but occasionally he’ll indulge you and play a little into the roles given. He’ll whine for you, and complain about how unfair you’re being but he won’t go so far as to outright beg to be fucked. Though sometimes he can’t help but want to hear the sound of your voice when you’re asking of him to do that one thing you like and will pretend not to hear until you’re hitting his shoulder, huffing and impatient.

⋆ Y. Minho

A sub, he couldn’t fully mean dom you if his life depended on it. He’ll give it a try once or twice but it just makes him too anxious having control over another’s body, having to think about what he’ll do next to you, if he’s being ‘dom’ enough for you, how he should go about touching or talking to you. Yeah, it’s really not for him. When Minho’s trying something new he likes being told what to do and how to do it, and that doesn’t really mix well with trying to be demanding. If he’s leaning on more on the ‘dom’ side some nights it’s really only because he’s incredibly horny, the demanding of how he takes you and the level of noise being kept to a minimum only comes from his lack of patience, but that’s about as deep as he gets into it.

⋆ C. Yoonsung

A switch. The actual switch of all switches, his acclaimed mix of both masculinity and femininity balance so beautifully and presently that it also applies in the bedroom. I feel like most would assume he’s a sub —and he can be— but the side of him that only your eyes have witnessed would turn heads if anyone were to catch word of how quickly he can swing between the two. He knows how to hold you down for better angles that intensify both your pleasure and his, he likes the title calling and hearing you sob and whine, but he also enjoys the exact same things being done to him.

⋆ J. Haemin

Wants to dom, absolutely can not. Also the type to try it out, just to get a gauge on how much he can work from it, but if he even says one thing while in ‘dom mode’ then he’s immediately trying not to laugh in your face about how silly and unnatural it sounds coming from him. I think he’s the most likely to want to abandon roles and titles, he just wants to show you he loves you, in his own natural Haemin way. He’s more of a gravelly, yet airy whiner, but when you actually get an ear full you wouldn’t exactly call the sounds he makes as whining. He talks more than making noise, defaults to “Fuck.” And “Oh my god” when there’s no space left in his head to think of anything else but you and the way you make him feel.

⋆ C. Kyungmin

Dom, a service dom at that! He’s so all about you that he only blinks silently when you’re asking of him to let you take lead for the night. He’ll allow you to of course, but he can never quite fully relax due to how unfamiliar he is with being in your place for once, and if he can’t quite get himself to chill out, you can always help with that! He’s a very easygoing person, and sometimes he struggles with it but he’s always so gracious with you, does his best to accommodate your needs and requests, even when they’re a little outside of his comfort zone, there’s nothing wrong with trying new things, especially when it’s you!

#angeltsan <3 #8turnbysai #8turn smut #8turn x reader #8turn imagines #ji myungho x reader #ji myungho smut #8turn myungho x reader #moon jaeyun x reader #moon jaeyun smut #8turn jaeyun x reader #yang minho x reader #yang minho smut #8turn minho x reader #cho yoonsung x reader #cho yoonsung smut #8turn yoonsung x reader #jung haemin x reader #jung haemin smut #8turn haemin x reader #cho kyungmin x reader #cho kyungmin smut #8turn kyungmin x reader #8Turn

[sweetbbyshion]

I can't make you love me

-> Atsumu Miya x Reader (no pronouns used except reader gets called 'girlfriend')

characters: Atsumu Miya

genre: angst

summary: It was easy to love Atsumu but it was hard to let him go.

warnings: angst/no comfort, established relationship, cheating, some suggestive content, pet names (baby used once, reader is mentioned as 'girlfriend'), toxic relationship

Collab: This piece is for @yeosatinyngz 's Lights, Camera, Action! Collab. Thank you so much for letting me join <4

Miya Atsumu was an eye-catcher. He was always under the spotlight with his dazzling personality and charming smile. It was amazing how a volleyball player had such popularity but you guess his looks helped it. He had fan accounts, articles written about him, fancams on tiktok with the most random songs and a fanbase that could be compared to the one of an idol.

That is why you have no idea why Miya Atsumu ever looked your way.

You met at a club. Atsumu caught everyone’s attention just by being there, his presence overtook the room. You didn’t even think about trying anything since the fear of rejection and humiliation was too big. So you just sat at a table with some of your friends and watched Atsumu from afar. He smiled at everyone who came up to him and took pictures even though his bangs were sticking to his forehead, cheeks red because of the heat and sweat dripping down his neck. He still looked mesmerizing. You felt like a schoolgirl, sighting while looking at the blond while your friends made fun of you and tried to push you to talk to him. But you never felt worthy of his attention.

Your friends are speaking but you can't pay attention to them, simply focusing on the way Atsumu moves like he owns the space, giving flirtatious smirks to the bartenders before drowning a shot. You wish you could present yourself with such confidence.

You look at your empty cup and decide to get another drink. You get up and tell your friends you will be right back before making your way through the sea of bodies that were between your table and the bar. You have to lean in on the counter to make your order, almost yelling because of the music. A hand touches your waist and you turn to the side to insult whoever touched you.

He was even more beautiful up close. Even with the obnoxious lights you could see how pretty his eyes were. Atsumu smiled at you and you liked to believe it wasn't the usual teasing smirk that he gave everyone. This one seemed actually genuine.

He introduced himself, like you didn't know who he was. In return, you told him your name. He repeated it and you fell in love with the way your name rolled off his tongue. Atsumu paid for your drink. And the next one. And the one after that. You were past the point of shy flirtatious marks and small giggles and were now fully flirting with him. You weren't a prude so when Atsumu came closer to your ear to ask if you wanted to go to a more secluded place, you accepted with no hesitation. He held your hand as he guided you to a corner of the club and pushed you against the wall.

As you makeout with him, you think that this would be just a one time thing so you try to ignore the fiery feeling building on your chest. Maybe you did fall in love with Atsumu that day. You're just not sure if he ever fell too.

You tried to erase all of the memories from the events after that day but there's still a blur carved into your brain that doesn't let you forget the moments you lived with the man that you love. There were dates and silly texts, midnight hangouts and long travels to meet him whenever he had a game away. Looking back you realize that you were more invested in him than he was invested in you.

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

You didn't hesitate to say yes. You were so blind, weren't you? Getting happy over little things that he did. But you always told yourself that it was enough. You didn't need anything else besides him. So when he asked to keep the relationship a secret, you didn't hesitate to say yes again. Maybe you should have hesitated. It would have spared you from a heartbreak.

After that request, hiding from the world was funny at first. Sneaky kisses and dates were what kept the relationship alive. It kept things interesting and exciting. So you didn't care if Atsumu didn't follow you back on instagram or if he didn't take you out for relationship anniversaries or if he pushed you away as soon as someone he knew walked into the room. Because Atsumu didn't ask you to hide your relationship only from his fanbase. You weren't allowed to be seen by anyone. Not even his teammates knew about it or even his twin brother that he was so close to. You don't even know if they would believe you if you tried to tell them. You simply didn't exist in Atsumu’s life. You were his silly little secret that he made sure no one knew about. But you were ok with it. Of course you were. You were so deeply, madly in love with that setter that you didn't even realize how messed up the agreement was. So you didn't care and for two years you were Miya Atsumu’s secret.

Eight months into the relationship things got extreme. Atsumu didn't just try to hide you from the world, he also started having dating scandals with other people so no one would bat an eye if he was caught with you. He kept living his life like the single man that he wasn't, going to parties every weekend, making sure he was seen too close to some pretty girl. Atsumu would then take the girl to some fancy gala the V League would host or whatever party he had to attend, be seen holding her waist, a big smile on his face as he would lower himself to kiss her cheek. Meanwhile, you would be in your house watching him on the news or reading tweets about it.

Those “one night stands” went to his house more than you have. One year into the relationship and you only went to his house seven times. Of course you had strict rules. You could only arrive after 3am and you would have to stay inside all day and leave after 3am again. You would get inside, Atsumu wouldn't even wake up to say hi. If you wake up at 6am, you are lucky enough to see him get dressed and give him a quick kiss before he's running to practice. If you don't wake up, Atsumu won't bother. You have to be alone all day and under no circumstances you can open the door. When night comes, Atsumu will get home, take a shower and cuddle you on the couch for a bit before he either fucks you or goes to his room to sleep.

The last time you were at his house, unfortunately, his brother decided to show up unannounced. It was 7pm and you were cooking when you heard the door open and you thought that, for once, Atsumu would be home earlier to spend some time with you. Imagine your surprise when you see his twin at the door, a suitcase next to him.

You didn't even have time to introduce yourself before Osamu speaks. “You must be Y/N! Oh, it smells so nice. What are you cooking?”

You wanted to cry, thinking Atsumu finally told someone about your relationship. But everything was shattered the moment Atsumu came home in a hurry and begged you to pretend to be his maid for the week. That's when you realized he didn't tell his brother you were his girlfriend, he told him you were his maid. And foolish you accepted it without second thought. Atsumu managed to convince Osamu that you only worked after 6pm since you had another job so everyday after work you would make your way to Atsumu’s house to clean and cook. At night you slept alone in the cold guest room. Atsumu would sneak in, fuck you for a few hours and then leave you again, cold and hurt in bed without asking if you needed anything.

But you loved him and if this was the only way you could have him, so be it.

Around your year and a half anniversary you realized Atsumu may never tell the world about you. You weren't allowed inside his house again and you would see him less and less as weeks pass by.

“Tsumu… shouldn't we just tell everyone we’re dating? It’s been almost two years.” you asked.

“You know we can't. My fans are crazy and they would be harsh on you.”

“What about telling your friends? Or Osamu?”

His eyes were dark when he looked at you, a silent warning for you to stop talking. That night you had the biggest argument so far and fell asleep crying on your bed, debating whether or not this relationship was worth it.

On your two year anniversary, for the first time, Atsumu decided to celebrate it. You had a weird feeling about it. Atsumu prepared dinner at your house, candles lighting up the place and petals scattered across the table. Your boyfriend seemed nervous and for the first time in a long time you decided to push the weird feeling aside and let yourself hope. Maybe Atsumu finally decided to tell the public about your relationship or maybe he's going to propose! Silly thoughts fill your head as you sit down to have dinner with your boyfriend and you think that maybe from now on things will get different.

Until your phone pings, a notification from a twitter account that posts all of Atsumu’s scandals.

MIYA ATSUMU caught kissing famous korean actress

Atsumu was in a lot of scandals throughout the months but not once he cheated on you. When you open the link on the tweet, a big picture of Atsumu kissing someone else takes over your screen. The sudden date night made sense; he was trying to be the perfect boyfriend so you wouldn't leave him after seeing the news.

Your eyes fill up with tears as you look at the man sitting in front of you. He's stuttering, quickly trying to find out the words to tell you. You get up, the chair making a deafening sound in the silent room. Atsumu gets up too, grabbing your wrist to pull you closer.

“She doesn't mean anything! It was an accident.”

You wanted to slap him. You wanted to ask him how you accidentally kiss someone. But your head was spinning and you couldn't look at him anymore. The skin he was touching felt like it was on fire and you harshly pulled your arm away from his grip. You hated yourself for crying in front of him and you blamed yourself for putting up with his stupid idea of keeping your relationship a secret. At the end of the day it was your fault, wasn't it? You should have seen this coming. You should have broken up with him a long time ago but you didn't. So it's your fault, right? Your brain kept blaming you and at some point your subconscious starts to sound a lot like Atsumu, blaming you for not being enough for him.

“Get out.”

“Baby, I’m so sorry. Please, I didn't mean-”

“Get out!” your voice got louder as you launch at him, trying to punch his face. But his hands, the hands you loved to hold so much, grabbed your fist before it reached his face.

You sob, falling to your knees as you beg through broken cries for him to leave. Your chest is aching and you feel shattered. When the door closes, your cries sound much louder in the silence installed in the house. It's overwhelming and you can still feel his soft lips pressed against yours, the smell of his cologne ingrained in your clothes, his voice whispering sweet words close to your ear. Everything hurts and you feel pathetic, simply because, deep down, you knew this was coming and you still allowed yourself to hope for a future by his side.

But Miya Atsumu was an eye-catcher. He was always under the spotlight with his dazzling personality and charming smile. And no one could make him give up his spot under the spotlight. Not even you.

Taglist: @crybabylisa @minoozi @chaoticwh0re

#kora posts! #miya atsumu x reader #miya atsumu x you #miya atsumu angst #miya atsumu x y/n #miya atsumu #haikyuu angst #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x y/n #atsumu x reader #atsumu x you #atsumu x y/n #atsumu angst #haikyuu atsumu #haikyuu miya atsumu

[mylevisdontfitanymore]

Hear me out king

Himbo Steve that accidentally dresses super slutty

So like I’m imagining like a college au w ex jock Steve being Bucky’s roommate that’s used to just wearing what he has so he’s just wearing some running shorts but he wears that and like an old college t shirt but he’s aware enough to know he’s gotten fat but oblivious to the fact that he now looks like a blimp, so his ass is straining the poor shorts (also leaving a good amount of bulge on display in the front) and his shirt fits in the morning pretty snug ,but by the afternoon it’s riding up and he’s completely unaware so he’s just in his dorm ass fully over filling his shorts , his gut hanging out of his shorts , and his bulge just there , and Bucky comes back (maybe from class ig) but he just comes back to Steve sprawled out on their futon everying fully on display a beer or two maybe by Steve’s feet (and purely just for visual purposes you know how Chris gets that pink kinda flushed look when he’s kinda drunk, anyways I’m imagining that carrying over into Steve) and poor baby is just unaware how much of a slut he looks like (I also imagine him just adjusting his crotch in his too tight shorts but the touching just leaves him like half hard so he’s constantly readjusting but basically playing with himself) anyways Bucky sees Steve like this and it’s absolutely the final straw and he just puts his stuff down on his desk and just practically pounces on him and starts making out w him (and obviously Steve’s into it but he’s thinks it’s just out of no where still unaware how slutty he is )

Anyways can you tell I’ve been getting college ready 🤓

I have had this prompt for so long. I'm so sorry 😅😅 so hopefully you stuck around to see this request get filled and please enjoy if so!

Warning for stucky belly kink ahead. Always unbeta'd. Stuffing, weight gain, tight clothes, kink discovery, etc. all ahead!

"You-you're going out like that?" Bucky feels like his brain has blue-screened, staring at Steve as he stumbles out of the bedroom in their tiny box apartment not too far from campus.

"Like what?" Steve inhales hugely in preparation for his equally massive yawn, his belly swelling enough that the seams at the sides of his shirt audibly strain to contain him. Once he's done yawning, covering his mouth with one big hand, he smooths that hand down the dome of his belly over the thin, worn fabric clinging to him like a second skin. He's wearing the college shirt he bought their first year before their first term even began. It's gone from being white to practically transparent.

Transparent and... the shadow of his belly button is... 🥴 it's present.

And it's too early for this shit.

Why is he wearing that shirt!? 😫😫😫

The shirt he bought in school spirit and excitement before their first term even began as freshmen - before Steve stopped working out cold turkey, too much studying to keep up with his routine from football. Besides, he's not playing football in college, so why should he keep going to the gym? He doesn't need to!

He was actually a size medium, back then, but he always crammed himself into smalls. Back then, his muscles threatened to burst the seams of his shirts. And now...

It isn't his muscles that Bucky is focused on drooling over, staring through the transparent fabric. Far from it. It's his belly button. Shadowed. Deep. And always stretched by the end of the day from the food he shoved down his throat, piling up under the soft fat that's expanded out like a balloon under his shirt. Bucky is staring through the transparent shirt, not at his muscles, but at his pink, round, hard nipples. Bucky can just barely see them around the logo of the name of their school. But he can. He can definitely see them. He can see his nipples and the puffy mounds of his pecs-turned-moobs because all the excess weight he's put on stretches the logo out. It's not really obviously readable anymore - that logo. Bucky's not focused on staring at his muscles through his transparent shirt, he's drooling over his arched spine when he shrugs, "yeah, 'course," and walks around Bucky. Walking away from Bucky.

Oh, God.

Watching him walk away is worse than seeing him, soft and so, so unaware as he stumbles out of bed.

His ass in those fucking pants. Jeans. His ass in painted-on blue jeans.

His backside is ripe. It's huge. It jiggles when he walks. His thighs rub together like they did before, but it's not solid muscle anymore that doesn't shake and move so easily. Thick. Hard. It's softness. Fat. Jiggly, bouncy, rippling fat that's widened his thighs and his ass and even his whole entire waist.

Widened to the point that it makes the bottom hem of his shirt cling to his muffin top deliciously.

Bucky hasn't had breakfast yet. He could devour a dozen muffins, he thinks, and he doesn't have Steve's gluttonous appetite. He never has. Steve doesn't just have a hollow leg to store the excess food he stuffs himself with; all of his body is hollow, and it's all so stretchy. He stretches big. Wide. Fat.

"Why?" Steve's sleepy mind finally catches up to Bucky's odd, struck-dumb behavior. Questioning him.

"'Cause, because, 'c-cause," he swallows all the spit that's gathered in his mouth. He really can see the line of Steve's spine through his transparent shirt. He can see the way it's been pulled forward and pushed back to compensate for all the weight he's got on his front and all the weight on his back. His belly. His boobs. His ass.

Bucky feels faint.

"Because?" Steve prompts, lazily going about his breakfast routine - making himself an an exorbitantly sweet, exorbitantly sized protein shake, helping himself to a protein bar (or two) to snack on while he waits for the blender to be done with his shake, and two (or three) bowls of cereal with (full-fat) milk. No wonder all of his clothes look painted on. No wonder he's blown up after high school football like a blimp.

A fat, delicious blimp.

"Because someone is gonna, gonna try to pull some moves on you," Bucky pushes out a stupid excuse. A shitty little pick-up line. What he really wants to say is because one of your professors is gonna kick you out of their class for indecent exposure! I can see you're... you're... all of you!

Steve smirks around his chewing. He's already got a mouthful of protein that his body clearly doesn't know what to do with anymore, and it's only 10 in the morning. Early for their college-student asses. His throat contracts, swallowing a big chunk of it, a fattening chunk, "you think so?" Again, he smooths his hand down his front.

Is he trying to torture Bucky this morning?

Bucky nods stiffly when he realizes Steve actually wants an answer.

Steve smiles so wide that his dimples appear on his chubby cheeks.

Oh, God.

He's so hot and he's so sweet. Literally. All he seems to eat (besides everything) is sugar.

Bucky makes a strangled noise and stiffly walks around their apartment, picking up his books and binders and pencils and unplugging his laptop from its charger, loading his bag up so he can get to his first class on time.

Bucky allows himself to steal one more look at his stupid hot, stupid boyfriend before he leaves. Hand on the doorknob, looking over his shoulder, he gets the perfect eyeful of him from the side as he chugs his protein shake. Fuck. He has curves for days. He's shaped like a fucking S. Fat tits, looking irresistible in his impossibly tight shirt. Huge, round belly defying gravity, sticking straight out. Mounding asscheeks trying to bust out of his stretched jeans. He nearly lets a moan slip.

Every swallow leaves his throat bobbing and his tummy swelling larger.

"Later," Bucky calls, voice strangled.

Steve stops chugging for long enough to lick his lips, wipe his hand across the shining, wet surface of his plump lips, burp unashamedly, and say, "yeah. I'll see you for lunch?"

"Uh-huh," Bucky forces out, his voice nearly audibly wrecked. Lunch. Yeah. Like Steve needs lunch. Just look at him. So. Big. Or, actually, no! Don't look at him! Bucky ends up slamming the door and shoving his hands into his pockets to hide the semi he's now rocking.

Jesus Christ.

Bucky hears Steve rip one more, loud burp as he's shuffling away from their front door. Palms sweaty. Lightheaded.

Thanks, Steve.

...

They meet up for lunch at their usual spot on campus. Today, Steve is a little late, but Bucky wouldn't change that little fact for the entire fucking world. He's sitting at a table, bouncing his knee, half paying attention to his phone, waiting for Steve to dig into his meal when--

"Oops, that was close!" Steve's cheerful voice cuts in. "Sorry! My bad!"

Bucky sets his phone on the table, next to his tray, and looks up.

Steve has his own tray. It's dangerously full, nearly overflowing. Especially dangerously full because as he was approaching the table, a huge smile on his face, excited to eat and excited to see Bucky, he apparently wasn't paying attention and nearly ran into another student.

The other student grimaces, also apologizing. But then slips away without further incident and...

Bucky is forced to watch, in seemingly slow motion, Steve strut toward the table. His hips, so wide now, sway. His thighs swish, swish, swish, rubbing together as he walks. It's no wonder two pairs of jeans have worn through at the thighs already. His moobs bounce with each step. His belly, too. It's so round. Rounder than Bucky remembers it being this morning. How-? Has he been snacking in class? How much did he eat for breakfast after Bucky left?

Bucky is struct dumb by the idea of Steve leaning against the fridge, chugging his protein shake that's practically a fucking milkshake or sugary smoothie at this point, head tipped back, throat working, belly growing. Then, on top of that thick, sugary drink, barely a drink more a thick slurry, shoving down a whole box of cereal. Also, tipping the sugary, crunchy food straight back into his mouth. Chewing through it. One hand rubbing his tight, tighter belly. And when that's not enough, he throws the empty cereal box aside with an unsatisfied growl, turning his huge ass around, pulling open the fridge with all the elegance of a starved grizzly bear, then bending over, sticking his fat ass out, belly hanging underneath him, and using both hands to grab anything edible and shove it straight into his face.

Shaking himself out of the fantasy, Bucky bites his lip. His stomach growls. The sound of desire has nothing to do with the food on his plate or even all the food piled onto Steve's plates. It has everything to do with Steve himself. Steve crammed into his fucking clothes. They look like they might burst at the seams at any moment, like that soft-yet-firm fat could come bursting out, pale except where he's being squeezed the tightest, red lines cutting into him.

God.

Steve looks impossible good. Impossibly good standing, walking, then, even better sitting down.

When he sits down, his belly jiggles like extra firm jello and expands even further into his lap. Taking up a lot, lot of real estate. Bucky would like to take up the rest of the space on his lap. He'd like to get up and fall over onto Steve. Straddle his lap. Press himself like a cat against his round, overfull tummy. And he'd like, more than anything, he'd like to feed him every crumb of food sitting on the plates on his tray. He wants it so much that he feels like crawling out of his skin. Bucky is on the edge of his seat and this close to falling off, drooling as Steve scratches his belly, now seated, and finds his shirt rucked up enough to expose a few inches of his delectable belly that puffing out over his pants.

"Hey, Buck, you havin' a good day so far?"

Bucky swallows, his voice suddenly rougher than gravel, "yeah." His day has been... fine. But, now it's great.

It's great.

...great watching him nod and instantly wrap his big mitt of a hand around his fork and scoop up his food, straight to his mouth. So eager to eat. Feed himself. It's great. It's definitely not torturous for Bucky to watch him swallow mouthful after mouthful, eating with the efficiency of a competitive eater, making pushing all that fuel down into his already swollen belly seem easy. Where the fuck is he putting it?

Bucky can barely hold into his own fork. He can't really hold onto any thread of conversation Steve starts, talking around his constant mouthfuls of food, either. He's entirely consumed by Steve's consumption.

His painted on clothes just get tighter and tighter and tighter.

He drops some sauce on his huge, puffy moobs, and it causes Bucky to choke on his water. He nearly does a spit take.

Steve whines about it, upset about ruining his shirt.

"We'll bleach it," Bucky says all too quickly. As insane as Steve is making him, he can't get rid of that shirt. He just can't! It's so transparent, and it's the closest he can get to watching Steve blissfully stuff himself shirtless, spilling sauce over his big, strained boobs.

Steve frowns but nods, too.

His appetite is far from ruined.

Bucky pretends to need something from his backpack so he can lean down and peer under the table. Those inches of dough-bursting-from-a-cardboard-biscuit-tube fat are on display again. He's swelling. With every mouthful, his gut is growing. Wider. Fuller. Bigger. He's bloating. He looks like a blimp.

Bucky doesn't know how he's going to get up from his chair to go to his next class, he looks so heavy, but he would pay a million dollars he absolutely doesn't have to watch it happen. He wants to film it and replay it again and again and again until the tape wears out so he knows each and every jiggle, so he can see every place his clothes roll up or ride down, so he see can memorize the entirely satisfied, pleased expression on his handsome, chubby face.

Bucky nearly bursts himself, thinking about it, so he doesn't know what's going to happen when Steve does have to get up. He'll combust if Steve gets up to get seconds.

Steve will probably get seconds. He can't imagine Steve sitting through an entire two classes without his big belly grumbling if he doesn't have at least a few more plates.

Oh, God.

When did his boyfriend get so fat?

And when did Bucky start liking it so much? 😳😫

...

Bucky gets just a glimpse of Steve in their apartment after class before he's off to work. And it's a... a lot.

Steve nearly doesn't see him. He's studying, so focused that he's mindlessly snacking. He has to snack. Otherwise, he can't focus. That, or, he focuses by nearly chewing holes in his cheek and lip. He's always had some kinda oral fixation. His football mouthguards always ended up with teeth marks in them, same with his yellow, #2 school pencils, and every year for his birthday, he gets Steve a pack of weirdly flavored gum for him to try alongside whatever regular gift Bucky got.

Bucky is relieved and pained by Steve's transition from non-edible (or not swallowable (gum)) oral fixation to completely, only edible items. Relieved because he doesn't have to tell him to stop chewing on shit he shouldn't and pained because...

Fuck.

Just looking at him hurts.

It... hurts. 😳

Steve parked his fat ass on their couch - putting a big dent in the middle, thanks to his weight - and as he studies, he's working his way through a pile of snacky, easy-to-eat, processed food. Wrappers are everywhere.

His transparent, stained shirt has rolled up past the few inches of his thick lower gut all the way to his belly button. Huff. The "small" of his is back exposed as he hunches over, reading the textbook in his lap. His chunky love handles are visible as well. Jesus. Bucky bites his own lip, suddenly also in need of something to do with his mouth. Steve's pants have been exchanged for gym shorts, and they're forced down loooow on his hips. There's too much stacked weight on them for them to sit in the right place. Woof.

"See you later," Bucky rasps, staring at Steve's thick back. As he looks, he imagines Steve's front, though. He's leaned forward, so his gut must be crushed into stretched, thick rolls. It must look extra round and big between his chest and thighs and--

Stop thinking, Bucky. Stop imagining, Bucky. He tells himself. It's not good for him. He's not gonna be able to function at work. Shit.

Steve lifts his head, "huh?" There are crumbs on his face. His chubby, messy cheeks will be the death of Bucky. "Oh, yeah, Buck, see you. You'll be back for dinner?"

"Yeah," Bucky coughs, "dinner."

He eyes Steve's exposed tummy now that he's turned in his seat. Round. Getting rounder. Impossibly rounder. How is he still getting rounder? Still bloating and growing and swelling. Ripening. Marked with red and pink and white lines. Growing fatter faster than his skin can take it. Ballooning out of his clothes and his own body.

Hnnng.

How does he fit it all in there?

How does he not notice?

He's growing out of... everything!

Bucky spins around before he can pop a boner, "dinner!" He squeaks and speeds away.

...

Steve. has. already. visibly. grown. by. the. time. Bucky. returns. from. work.

Visibly grown.

By now, he's so round he's almost fucking spherical.

He's so big that he's massive.

He's pink with heat and satisfaction, a lazy, little smile on his face, and he's reclined fully back on their couch, the TV playing in the background - some football game Bucky couldn't give less of a shit about - one hand resting over his dick and cupping his balls under his gym shorts and underwear while the other is wrapped around a beer can.

Bucky doesn't make words. He just growls. It escapes his throat.

He's had a few. The cans are sprawled messily around the coffee table with evidence of more snacks. Not just thoughtless snacks for studying. Deliberate snacks. Snacks enjoyed while relaxing in the light of the TV. Nuts. Meats. A few sweet treats.

"B-ugh-ck!" Steve hiccups in the middle of his bright greeting.

Bucky still can't speak. The TV is on full volume, but he can't hear it; it doesn't matter that there's anything playing on it. All he can hear and see is Steve.

Steve.

Steve, in his stupid, too small shirt that's rolled all the way up to his motherfucking tits by now. It's a bra. The shirt looks like a bra now, stretched tightly over his moobs but not covering them. Bucky swears it's even more see-through now. His nipples are hard. Pink. Round. Hard. Hard like his drum-tight, globe of a gut.

Steve hiccups drunkenly once more, staring at him, patiently waiting for any sort of response. He jiggles and jolts; he sloshes with alcohol.

"You eat without me?" Bucky can hardly get the words out.

"Nah, nah, just-" he broadly gestures toward the mess in front of him, the beer, the snacks, the GUT fat and full in his lap, monopolizing the space, "-relaxing."

Bucky shivers, "yeah." He licks his lips, "you know... work wasn't so good for me. You gonna help me relax?"

"Ov-" Steve stifles another hiccup behind his fist, "oof," he puffs, pulling his hand out of his pants to settle his sloshing belly, digging into the taut side, "of course!"

Bucky swallows, "'kay," his mind is reeling, "stay there." Not like he could get up even if he wanted to. "I'm, I'm gonna... I'm gonna get what I want to relax."

"M'kay," Steve smiles into his next sip of beer despite still dealing with his belly-jostling hiccups.

Bucky goes to the kitchen, places an order for pizza, a lot of pizza, using his phone, but comes back with the box of cupcakes Natasha sent him home with after work. Working for a heartless, large corporation like Starbucks can have its perks, as it turns out.

Steve has finished his latest beer, and he tries to throw it onto the coffee table but misses. It rolls across the carpet instead. Bucky can't hold it against him. Bucky can't hold anything against him. Not when he's like this. Big. Huge. Hiccuping. Sloshing. Stretched tight. So tight that every time he burps, he groans. Thighs splayed out as wide as he can get them to give his huge, huge, bare belly space to breath. His tits barely covered by what used to be a shirt - what was a shirt just this morning.

"Oooh, gimme," Steve reaches out his hands, making grabby hands for the box. He knows it contains something sweet.

"Jesus," Bucky can't help but murmur. How does he still have room?

"What?" Steve asks, making a greedy sound that goes straight to Bucky's own uncomfortably tight pants. "You wanna relax by living through me vicariously?"

"Sure," Bucky rasps. "You'll work through 'em in no time," he nods toward the cupcakes. Steve takes a bite from the first one, getting frosting on his nose and nearly choking as he moans around the taste, his eyes rolling back, then closing in bliss. "Your metabolism."

"Yeah," Steve moans, arching his back, trying to shift some of the weight off of his lap, "couple'a sessions and they won't mean nothin'."

Bucky is stunned. He genuinely doesn't know if Steve is drunk enough on beer and food and sugar to think he still works out or if Steve just somehow knows that Bucky is throbbing at the sight of him and is going with it. "Yes, and"ing.

Whatever.

It doesn't matter.

The sight of him.

Fuck.

Overfed.

Ballooning.

Fattening.

Steve swallows the first cupcake. The second. The third.

"Ugh," he smacks his lips, they're sticky with sugar, "do you want me to eat them all."

"Mmm-hmm, big guy," Bucky smiles, trying his hardest not to crack. "There's pizza on the way, too."

"Ohh," Steve moans. He moans! At the thought of pizza.

What. the. fuck.

He doesn't just moan, though, he wiggles in his seat. His gut is so hard, packed to the brim, that it doesn't really move. Bucky swears he can see the jump of Steve's pulse in the stretched, tortured skin. It looks so heavy. So full. He wiggles like he's trying to find room, but it's obvious to Bucky that there is none. It would be obvious to anyone who had the pleasure of seeing Steve like this. Anyone but Steve himself.

Steve, who's groans and gurgling and has his eyes so heavily lidded that they're practically fully shut. Yet...

He's making steady progress.

He swallows the fourth and fifth cupcakes in practically one bite each. Bucky sees the thick, moist cake go down his throat in a big, bulging gulp.

Steam is about to shoot out of his ears. Fuckfuckfuck. This is his wet dream that he didn't know he had.

Steve hiccups, he's not even closing his mouth all the way as he chews now. He's breathing too hard to do so, and so he keeps making these lip-smacking, sighing, exhausted sounds. But he also keeps eating. Bucky doesn't even have to prompt him. He just does it.

How?

What?

Why?

He looks inflated.

No wonder he's gotten so fat!

He'll be fatter tomorrow.

Bucky would bet money that this shirt won't get over his swollen pecs in three weeks, in a month, tops. He's just blimping up too fast.

"Gimme the last one."

"What?" Bucky startles.

"G-guh," Steve groans, rubbing his hands on his ball-shaped stomach, massaging, like he can work the fullness and tightness away. "Gimme the last one."

"The, uh, the cupcake?"

Steve cracks open one eye, "yeah, duh," he says.

"Okay."

Bucky's hand shakes as he grabs the last cake, unpeels the wrapper, and extends his arm, shaking more and more the closer he gets to Steve's mouth.

Steve's fingers wrap around his wrist, steadying him, and he leans in the last half inch, tilting his head to the side, his eyes slipping shut and his sweet, sticky, pink lips part. It happens in slow motion. He bites in slow motion. He moans, "mmm, yeah," around the delicious cake, his fingers grasping tighter, locking Bucky in place as he takes bite after bite until it's gone.

He licks Bucky's fingers clean.

Bucky

Bucky doesn't

Bucky can't -

Bucky can't function.

Steve's long eyelashes flutter, "that's the stuff," he groans, fully satisfied and sounding like it.

Bucky is sweating.

"The cupcakes, sure," he puffs, "but I dunno if I can work off a whole pizza, Buck," when he turns his head to the side to look at Bucky where he's sitting next to him, his chin doubles. Bucky almost moans out loud.

Instead, he shakily gets out, "n-no one said anything about an entire pizza?"

Steve whines, digging his fingertips into his gargantuan tummy. It looks fake, he's so round. Like he got a fake, heavy, silicone pregnancy belly - overdue pregnancy belly and stuck it on himself. "But you knooow I can't control myself around pizza."

"I don't want you to!" The words explode out of Bucky.

Steve jolts in surprise. He hiccups painfully, wincing, "huh?"

"I don't want you to control yourself. Fuck, Stevie, I can't fucking take it. I gotta - I, I, you-! You make me crazy. God. I can't get over this. I don't want you to control yourself, and I don't want you to work anything off. I want you, I want you to -" he can't say it out loud.

He can't say, I want you to get so, so much fatter. Bigger. Heavier. I want you bursting out of the next size up in clothes, too. I want you waddling. I want you always stuffed and satisfied. I want you so big that when I fuck you your tummy hangs and jiggles and you moan about how anything else, any little extra bit will make him pop, even just Bucky's come in his ass.

"Over what?" Steve's eyebrows crease together adorably.

"This!" Bucky groans, "oh, God, all of this," he gestures to the globe of Steve's belly.

"I'm," Steve licks his lips, "I'm just bloated, though."

Bucky moans, "you're not." He does what he's been dying to, he digs his hands into that fat, he pinches Steve's heavy, stacked sided, "you're not just bloated, baby. And I love it."

Steve makes another confused noise, he stares down at himself, trying to wriggle and getting nowhere as his chest heaves with the effort to move all his weight. "Oh."

The doorbell rings.

Pizzas here.

They stare at each other, both of them breathing hard, just for different reasons. Steve's fat fucking gut is weighing on his lungs, compressing them and every time he tries to move, he can't. Bucky's on the edge of orgasm, just watching Steve glut himself, and his lack of breath isn't helped by his frantic admission.

"You don't have to-"

Steve slides both hands down the apex of his rooooound gut, he leans back into the sofa, seemingly reveling in the feeling, really truly taking in the feeling of his bloat, of his fat, for the first time. "Feed it to me."

"What?"

"I don't think I'll be able to get anything else in if I have to do it myself. So. You're gonna stuff me."

"What?"

"Buck, please, stuff me. I want it," his voice is raw. He moans needily, "stuff me."

How can he resist?

#ask #mylevisdontfitanymore #belly kink #text #bucky barnes #steve rogers #stucky #chubby steve #fat steve #weight gain #stuffing #kink discovery #tight clothes #intox kink #alcohol consumption

[amberjazmyn]

dr spencer reid one-shot

𝘨𝘪𝘧 𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘦 - grievances 

𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 - emotions, death, hospitals, flashbacks, gets happier towards the end.

𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘱𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 - dr spencer reid's first wife maeve dies during the childbirth of her fourth child (their eldest is jazmyne, kenzie, noah, ryder and lennon is the newborn) spencer moves on and starts falling in love with florianna who is the best friend of spencer and maeve. pretty much this is focused on spencer and jazmyne's grief the most due to the other three, (noah, ryder and lennon) not being able to know fully what has happened and why mamma maeve is no longer coming home with lennon.

𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘳'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦 - this is an already written imagine from an old book of mine however, i just want to imagine it with dr spencer reid and have it as kind of an au where maeve didn't die due to diane like she did in zugzwang in the show. as always, please, if any of these warnings trigger you, either don't read it at all or read with caution. flashbacks will be in italicised font and present-day will be in the normal font. 

masterlist

- - - 

two years ago| spencer's pov 

jazmyne, my eldest daughter, fifteen, out of my now five children was stirring in my lap as her head laid there as the rest of her body was spread out on a couple of hospital waiting room chairs, trying to get her to sleep even though i knew, despite her being my eldest daughter, that she hated sleeping in the hospital. which, in turn, was very different to her two younger brothers, noah and ryder. however, i knew i couldn't leave maeve, my wife and the mother of my now five kids. just in case maeve woke up, i didn't want her to wake up on her own, especially considering she's just given birth to our brand new baby girl, lennon emily, i didn't want her to freak out and wonder where everyone was. just as a backstory, i have five kids, jazmyne lorde is my eldest and she is fifteen and is actually in theory my step-daughter from maeve's previous relationship, mackenzie rose is my second eldest and is actually adopted from kenzie and jazmyne's school teacher, and she is the same age as jazmyne, noah colton is my third eldest and he's seven, ryder morgan is our fourth child and he is five and lennon, is our fifth child who was just born a couple of hours ago and, during maeve's pregnancy with lennon, it was quite dangerous but, we were told that once maeve had actually given birth to lennon that everything would be fine. and that, maybe, hopefully, we'd still get my wife back afterwards.

how long we'd have to wait until we got the all-clear to drive back to quantico, i'd spend it waiting here in this very hospital waiting room just to make sure that the love of my life was okay. i know how much my eldest despises the hospital and, i feel awful that i'm doing this, i truly do, but we were the only family of maeve's that was close enough to make sure she was okay. florianna, a best friend of maeve and myself was also with us as she helped jaz and i take care of noah, ryder and lennon when we had visiting hours to check in on maeve as mackenzie wasn't with us but with her biological mom.

"jazzy, please, my darling, can you try to get some sleep? it's nearly midnight, can you at least try for dad? please?" i cry out in distress whilst my two boys and lennon were all fast asleep in the hospital bed that was in the room we had been provided, jazzy just couldn't - and i knew it was because of how terrified she was of hospitals but, i just needed to get jaz off to sleep

"no, dad! i don't like it here! i want mom to wake up and to go back home! i just want to be back home in quantico with our family and mackenzie and just hang out together!" jaz tiredly cries into my chest as hearing her say that as my fifteen-year-old girl makes my heart shatter even more

"jazzy, baby, i know you want to be home, i do too but, we just can't. not whilst mom is in the state she's in, we need momma to get better! maybe if i place you with noah and ryder, you'll sleep?" i tried, usually if jazzy slept with noah and ryder, she was able to fall asleep by the click of a finger, pulling her closer to my bare chest as i tried to get her to sleep - a knock at the door gains our attention

it was florianna, she had a small but tired smile on her face, her hair was still done up in the braids that jazzy had doe earlier in the morning before maeve had given birth to lennon.

"hey spence, hey jazzy," she spoke quietly as not to wake the two boys up as jaz and i smiled back, both of us responding

"hey flor," "hey florianna,"

florianna smiled, running her hand through jaz's hair and then her hands through mine as jaz was still resting against my chest, her legs most likely going numb from not having any movement for the past few hours.

"spence, the nurses are suggesting it's probably about time you, jaz, noah and ryder go back home. the last i heard, i think kenzie has been trying to get ahold of jazmyne. and, before you even think to argue with me spencer walter reid, i've already agreed on staying with jj overnight for the rest of the week to see if maeve wakes up and to also take care of lennon. besides, despite the fact you think you're hiding this pretty well, i damn well know how badly you're also wanting to be home, come on spence, listen to your daughter and go home! i've already spoken to hotch and rossi and they are just as worried about maeve as you are! i promise, if there are any, and i mean any updates maeve, you are the first person i'm calling, okay?" florianna hadn't ever been so stern with me before but, i knew she was right and i knew i shouldn't have been ignoring jaz in the way i had been so, i agreed, knowing that maeve was going to be safe with florianna and jj

"fine, but you...you promise if anything changes or happens, you ring me?" i double-check as my voice shakes, florianna comes closer, grabbing a tight hold of my hand as i jolt slightly, letting jaz slide off my lap as she gets her hoodie and then goes to wake up her two brothers as florianna nods her head

"i pinky swear spencer! anything that changes or what have you, you are the first person i'm ringing no matter what!" florianna spoke firmly as i nodded my head, believing her as i then slipped my hoodie on considering i had been shirtless the whole time, i then grabbed noah out of jaz's grip as she still held ryder tightly as he laid asleep on her shoulder, giving florianna a hug as we then walked out of the hospital room, jaz grabbing our overnight bag

*

for three days, jaz, noah, ryder and i had now been home and still we hadn't received any texts or calls from either florianna or jj in regards to maeve and her current state and, it honestly scared me. kenzie had been "grounded" by her biological mom, marnie, hence why we haven't been able to see kenzie. and, i hadn't even realised i had been so silent until morgan had come over to ask why jaz was crying whilst noah and ryder were perfectly fine.

"hey, reid, why is jazmyne crying - shane!" morgan went to ask me why jaz had been crying when he realised i zoned out

"huh?" i responded as morgan sighed, he knew, everyone at the bau knew how worried i've been about maeve and the younger kids that, i just haven't really been able to concentrate or really focus on anything like i'd usually be able to

"spence, we all know you're worried about maeve and the four kids but, what about jaz, she's your kid too. she's just as worried about her mom then you are. yes, she's the eldest but, that makes no difference! she's been crying for the past five minutes, i can't even calm her down, neither can emily. and that isn't normal at all, reid! please, help calm your daughter down, reid, she needs you due to the fact that her mom is sick and in the hospital right now, and apart from her uncles, aunties and other family members, you're the only parent she has right now!" morgan spoke softly but sternly with a sad look in his eyes as i gulped, nodding my head, he's right, i can't be selfish and ignore jaz just because she's the eldest

"sorry morgan," i sniffled, finally letting myself have a cry as well, morgan sighing sadly and sitting next to me to calm me down

"reid, don't apologise, your wife is in the hospital after giving birth to a wonderful baby girl after we all thought she was in the clear. it is totally normal and okay to cry and worry but, don't let that worry consume you. especially when you have four other kids, most especially your fifteen-year-old to look after as well," morgan spoke softly and comfortingly as he rubbed my back as i nodded my head, wiping away my tears with my hoodie sleeve as that's when jazmyne came in front of me

although she was fifteen, she climbed into my lap, she still felt like a little kid around me but we had no care in the world considering she was maeve and i's first kid.

"dad...dad, is...is momma gonna be okay? is she gonna wake up?" jazmyne sniffled as i gulped, biting my lip, doing whatever it was i could to stop my own tears from falling in front of her as i just hugged her tighter, pulling her closer as morgan just watched on 

"of course, she will jaz, it just takes time okay? but i promise you, she'll wake up and when she does, we can have kenzie back over and she'll be a reid forever..." i said with a shaky voice as jazmyne smiled which made me smile although i was just as scared and uncertain as jazmyne was about maeve waking up

present-day - spencer's pov

"...dad, why did you lie to me when you said that mom was going to wake up and that kenzie was going to come home with us?!" jazmyne suddenly screams, i felt the tears in the back of my eyes suddenly well up

the last time jazmyne screamed at me was when she was still trying to come to terms with the fact that she had lost her mom when she was fifteen-years-old.

"i...i...jaz..." just as i went to explain to her as now everyone had locked eyes on jazmyne and me, she screams once more and then runs...no...she storms upstairs to her room, slamming the door shut as it frightens everyone due to the loud noise it made

"...just shut up dad! i hate you! i hate florianna! i hate everyone in this goddamn house! i just want my mom back! why is that so hard to understand?!" she screams as she then runs upstairs to her room after which she slams her door shut, all of us jumping in fear

as soon as jazmyne's door slams shut, a sob comes out of nowhere and left my mouth as i sunk from my standing position to the floor below, my legs not able to hold the weight of my body up anymore

"oh...spence..." florianna whispered as she ran over to comfort me and the tears don't stop, and neither do the loud wails that caused my entire body to shake

florianna pulls me into her arms and i cried into her chest as she tries to get me to calm down, i look up to notice morgan and jj had both agreed to go upstairs to see jazmyne as it had all of a sudden gone quiet. thanking every god i could think of that penelope and emily were playing with noah, ryder and lennon otherwise i'd rather die right now than see my other kids see their older sister in this sort of state.

"ssh, it's okay spence, let it all out. derek and jayje have gone upstairs to see if jaz is okay. everything is goign to be fine, babe. i know you miss maeve, and so do i but, we have to be as strong as we can for the kids, okay?" florianna sternly spoke as i nodded my head, sniffling as i got up off the floor and the both of us followed derek and jj up the stairs to jazmyne's room

florianna and i had made it to jazmyne's room where the door was closed, giving us the obvious that derek and jj had gotten through to her somehow and got her to allow them to talk to her.

morgan's pov

"...jazmyne, we know how much you're missing your mom. trust me, i was best friends with your mom and i miss maeve, as does everyone, however, what you just said to your dad was not nice, okay? you made him really upset, you realy gave him a fright when you yelled at him as well," softly, i reached my hand over to my niece who gulped, finally lifting her head up, making me smile in slight shock that i got through to her so quickly

then, jazmyne finally, lifted her head up and her face was littered with tears. i shared a sad look with jj as i had to figure this out.

"i...i'm sorry uncle derek but, i...i really miss mom! i mean, florianna's great, i really do love her but, knowing that she's mom's best friend just makes it hurt even more and i..." before jazmyne could continue, jj shushed her and calmed her down

"...shh, jaz, it's okay babe, we all know how much you're missing your mom, we all miss her just as much *soft giggle* however, as uncle derek said, you shouldn't have yelled at your dad like that. he is also still grieving the loss of your mom as well as trying to balance five kids on his own and having you yelling at him, telling him that you hate him isn't going to bring your mom back now is it?" jj was also soft but motherly in her tone, sitting in front of jaz, sitting criss-cross as she gulped, shaking her head no - it was shocking that jj was getting through to jazmyne the way she was

"no," she responded as she pressed her hands together, noticing how sweaty they were as i rubbed her back, giving me a small smile and then giving one to jj

"exactly jaz so, we're gonna stand up and just right outside, florianna and your dad are waiting and you're going to apologise and give your dad the biggest hug ever because he really needs it. he miss mom so much and, you are one of five remaining things he's got left of your mom alongside your siblings so, make sure you hug him as tightly as you can!" jj said with a small smile as jazmyne nodded her head, making jj and i smile - yes, we actually got through to her!

we then all stood up as jazmyne opened the door, florianna and spencer were outside waiting as jazmyne ran straight over to spencer as he catches her. straight away, they both broke down into tears as i bit my lip, stopping myself from crying.

"i...i'm so sorry daddy! i...i don't hate you, i just really miss mom and with her and kenzie not being here, it just hurts. and i'm sorry to you as well, florianna. i don't hate you either, it's just, knowing you are mom's best friend makes it hurt even more as it reminds me all the time of what i've lost and it...it scares me that i'm gonna lose you and i...i don't want that," jazmyne sobs out into her dad's shoulder as i share a look with jj as we sigh quietly - jazmyne was still learning about what this word, grief, meant and all of her aunties and uncles in the bau were very familiar with that term after dealing with so much death due to our jobs

"thank you for apologising jazzy but, it is okay. i know you don't hate me because i understand that this is all due to missing your mom. i miss her too, we all do, every single day. but, please, don't yell at me like that ever again, okay? if you want to scream, the best idea is to scream into a pillow. remember the lavender pillow that mom gave to you for your birthday? use that, trust me, it works and i do it almost all the time before i go to bed, i just scream into my pillow and smell your mom's perfume and, i feel ten times better," spencer smiles, pulling out of the hug as jazmyne smiles back, wiping her tears away as she nods her head

two years ago - spencer's pov

"...where's my wife?! where is she?!" i scream, tears streaming down my face as i try to figure out where she went

for context, my wife wasn't in the same hospital room she was in last week when florianna and jj were staying here and, no messages were sent from florianna to me about a room change so i was furious - not at florianna but at the hospital as usually, you'd think that they'd be the ones to contact you about a room change, not your best friend but, apparently, you get neither!

"sir...sir, can you please calm down? who is it that you are trying to find?" a nurse suddenly runs in front of me and i slightly calm down, i gulp as i see my hands shake in front of me before i respond

"my wife, maeve reid, she's been in room 392b for about, ah, i don't know, a few months in and out since giving birth to our newborn daughter, lennon emily reid. but, when i just then went inside to visit her, there was no one in there! is my wife okay? we...we have five kids, two fifteen-year-olds, a little seven-year-old, a five-year-old and a newborn together! please, tell me that maeve is okay?!" i say as my breathing speeds up as i feel another round of tears well in my eyes as i try to keep them from streaming down my cheeks 

i then hear footsteps come up behind me, a hand pulling me back, i instantly recognise it as morgan. i feel my breathing start to regulate properly, knowing that my bau family were here for me. 

"okay, what's your name sir and, who are these people behind you?" the kind nurse whose nametag introduced her as dr rachel johnson asks as i look behind me before responding 

"i...i'm dr spencer reid, maeve's husband, i have four of my five children and i-uh..." 

"--we're the rest of his family, doctor johnson if you please, we'd really like it if we could go in and find out what's wrong with maeve, please, that is all we're asking for!" morgan interrupts as i smile at the ground before i looked back up as doctor johnson nodded her head 

"okay, my apologies, come with me guys. in regards to the reason why we've moved maeve from room 392b to just a couple of rooms down from this waiting room was i think due to some issues that were happening that i am not fully aware of so, apologies for that. however, because i am only just a registered nurse, you'll have to wait until maeve's midwife and surgeon who was actually the two managing and taking care of her, arrive to find out what it is that's wrong with her. so, i'll unfortunately, have to ask you all to just, as patiently as you can, wait here until one of maeve's surgeons or midwives is able to give you the information you need. thank you for being so patient dr reid and company," doctor johnson was professional as she could be as she was then whisked away into another waiting room across the hall 

i then fell back into the chair behind me as i heard crying - i turned to see it was my daughter jazmyne, she was crying into her knees as my heart shattered. her brothers were sound asleep and had absolutely no clue what was going on. i moved closer to jazmyne as i notice the rest of her uncles and family looking over at jazmyne and me, and i could easily tell that they were heartbroken as well. jazmyne leans her head into my chest and i pull her closer as she sobs. i bite my lip to stop my own cries despite the difficulty that was. 

"ssh, jaz, it's okay babe! mom's going to be just fine, okay?" i try to calm jazmyne down as her cries just get louder - this is the one thing about parenting that i struggle with, watching and hearing my children cry and not knowing exactly how to comfort them or cry with them 

morgan and i share a look, morgan knowing the exact look of wishing he could take the pain away. he bites his lip as i know he wanted to cry now as well, jj had started crying long ago but, morgan didn't want to cry. he wanted to stay strong for his nieces and nephews and, i don't blame him as i felt the same way. 

"when...when will she wake up? i miss mom!" jaz sobs as i close my eyes, hoping it was all just a dream and that we were on a beach or on holiday with the family, not in the hospital 

"i...i don't know jaz, i really don't know and i am so sorry that i can't give you a proper answer!" i respond tearfully as jaz sobs again and i feel awful as that was when doctor johnson came back over to us with somewhat of a hopeful look on her face which made my heart race 

"ahem, i...i am so sorry if this is something i'm interrupting but,dr reid, is it okay if i just grab you for a second, privately? one of jaz's uncles can take her and the boys but, i just really need to tell you this in private due to the children..." doctor johnson spoke in a hushed sort of tone as i gulped, nodding my head as i released my grip on jazmyne, morgan and jj immediately grabbing her, jj's fingers massaging her head as rossi and hotch watched over noah and ryder, whilst prentiss was on the phone to kenzie's biological mom giving her updates about maeve's condition- doctor johnson leading the both of us into a hallway a couple of doors down from the waiting room 

"...so, what's up with maeve, has there been any new news about her from her midwives or surgeons?" i ask as i bite the inside of my lip as doctor johnson takes a second which worries me slightly 

"that's the thing, dr reid. when maeve was pregnant with lennon, it was always known from the beginning that it would be a troublesome pregnancy. i also understand that you guys were told that as soon as lennon was to be delivered that maeve would be fine and that within twenty-four to forty-eight hours that she'd be discharged along with your daughter however, that obviously was not true as maeve has been here for way longer than expected. and that is because, something irregular with maeve's blood was detected and, it looked as if it was a tear which has caused internal bleeding---" this was all too much for me to comprehend but, maeve's going to survive right? i mean, she has to, we have five kids together for fuck sake, we have jazmyne, kenzie, noah, ryder and lennon together! 

"---wha...what? but, maeve's okay, right? like, she's gonna survive? she...she's going to wake up?" i ask, feeling myself panic, please tell me that maeve's going to wake up, i can't have my five children, especially little lennon grow up without their mam 

"just as i was about to explain before you cut me off, dr reid, there is a high percentage rate of her not waking up," my heart fell with a thud into my chest as she said that and my eyes widen 

"do you know the percentage of maeve waking up?" i asked as tears brimmed my eyes, i mean, is there even going to be a survival rate for maeve considering her death rate is already so high but still unknown 

"i actually have no idea dr reid, i was not told. however, because we don't think maeve is going to last through the night without complications, we think it's best if you go visit her, her room number is 583b. i suggest you also grab all of the children and the aunties and uncles. of course, the younger boys, noah and ryder aren't going to fully understand but, even if jazmyne and kenzie, if you can get her here, get confused as well, try to make it somewhat easier for all of them to understand but if you can't make them understand, i am more than happy to explain it to them. but, i...uh, i'm terribly sorry about this dr reid, all of us who've been working directly and even those indirectly with maeve were really hoping for it to end in any way but this way and, i'm sorry we can't have it end positively with maeve..." i feel my heart shatter and drown as i try to come to terms with what doctor johnson just revealed as she then speaks up again 

"...oh, and before i forget, for a few moments, it did look as though she was responding with the movements of limbs but, it wasn't anything to suggest that it was an improvement because almost straight away, she went back down. but, besides that, if you'll come back with me, i can walk with you and tell the rest of the family about maeve so you don't have to and then, i can lead you guys to 583b and say your final goodbyes to her," doctor johnson spoke professionally, without skipping a beat as i nodded my head, a single tear slipping down my cheek as my worst fear had come true - my best friend dying on me, leaving me as a single father to our five children 

"thank you doctor johnson," was all that i could muster saying from my mouth as i follow behind doctor johnson as we walk back to the group, noticing that kenzie hadn't arrived like her mom said she would be and the doctor breaks the news to them

straight away, jazmyne runs over to me, seeing her aunty jj struggle to hold back her tears with uncle derek right next to her, jj's husband, will, on derek's other side. jazmyne then looked up at me with sad and confused eyes as my heart broke, again.

"dad... why is aunty jj crying? and why isn't kenzie here with us?" jazmyne questioned in confusion as my heart shatters and i bite my lip and take a deep breath - ready to tell her when doctor johnson steps in instead

"jaz..." 

"...jazmyne, sweetheart, the reason why some of your family members are crying is that something has happened to your mommy since giving birth to your sister, lennon," doctor johnson started as jazmyne tilted her head to the side to look for kenzie only to see that she wasn't there and turned her head back, bunching up to her uncle and aunty watching what was happening 

"what do you mean doctor johnson? is mom okay? does kenzie know about this?" jazmyne asks as my heart cracks - yes, she was fifteen and a big girl, as is kenzie which is why she should be here, but in this situation, i had never seen one of my girls look so small and afraid in their lives, turning to look away, i look back to notice that derek had wrapped his arm around me - his partner savannah watching over noah and ryder as they both fell asleep 

"remember when dad mentioned that mommy was sick?" aunty jj shakily jumps in, wiping her tears away as she moves closer to jazmyne as she nods her head, aunty jj going down to her knees to level with jazmyne as they hug each other as doctor johnson continues 

"yeah...but, you're not listening to me, what about kenzie? does she know about this?" jazmyne mumbles with a head nod after she panics about kenzie not being here, doctor johnson taking over

"...well, jazmyne, because you and your siblings' mommy is sick, she has been having to stay here in this hospital like baby lennon had to, to make sure she could get better, however, there is a chance that due to the sickness your mommy has, it is doubtful that she's going to wake up again..." doctor johnson pauses again as jazmyne and aunty jj look at each other and then around at everyone else - jazmyne then making eye contact with all of her uncles and aunties whilst jj just looks down to the floor 

"...wait, what? why wouldn't mommy wake up? she...she has to... what about baby lennon? what about me and kenzie? what about noah and ryder? what about dad? what's going on..." jazmyne started to panic as aunty jj tries to calm her down by pulling her closer to her body 

"...jazmyne, sweetheart, mom isn't going to wake up, she's going to die..." although everyone else apart from my kids were adults, still hearing doctor johnson say that maeve, the mother of my children was going to die was still hard to hear as jazmyne starts to whimper, jj once again, trying to calm her down 

"...mom's not going to come home, dad?" jazmyne questioned, looking towards me, her voice small as that was the moment that all of our hearts broke 

"mhm, mom's not coming home, jaz," i whispered as tears streamed down my cheeks and jj let go of jazmyne, who ran over to me as i picked her up, both of us sobbing whilst her brothers noah and ryder reacted differently - the two boys latched on to each other but neither cried just yet and lennon, she was having her last few hospital evaluations in the nicu

present-day -spencer's pov

it was a school day for four of five of my children however, for jazmyne and kenzie, since they were both in junior year, their school teacher had allowed her students to bring in the parent/parents of the student/students so they could all share about the occupation of their parent as a way to inspire the other junior students who were about to start their senior year. and, obviously, although both girls didn't want to also bring florianna, who was also an fbi agent, jazmyne and kenzie just brought me in as florianna needed to take care of lennon back home, the baby of the family. we were having a discussion in class about something in regard to the work i do as an fbi agent with the bau when a school friend, macie had questioned why maeve hadn't come since i was the only single parent in the session which got kenzie also wondering where maeve was.

"...jaz, kenzie, what about your dad's job? he's still with the bau, right? also, where's your guys' mom, maeve?" macie, a best friend of jazmyne and kenzie questioned as my eyes widened, i sworn i had told kenzie's mom, marnie, who was also the girls' school teacher not to mention maeve as recently, jazmyne hadn't been coping well so, i was scared at how she would react and in turn, how kenzie was going to react since i'm guessing marnie still hadn't told her

both jazmyne and kenzie's heads shoot up from their early junior certificate testing that the two sisters had both been working as i couldn't distinguish how jazmyne was feeling but, i could tell that kenzie was confused. however, neither girl cried, they didn't scream. jazmyne was strong and confident but then, kenzie because of her confusion, asked since she was also wondering where maeve was. and jazmyne answered without hesitation which shocked me and kenzie. not because i thought she couldn't do it, but, because jazmyne answered so straightforwardly knowing that it was definite at this point that marnie had decided to just not mention it at all to kenzie. and, this was something that adults my age struggle with and, jazmyne and kenzie have both only just turned seventeen.

"oh, she died two years ago kenzie and macie, she never got to leave the hospital. the blood loss she suffered after she had given birth to lennon was too much and, the nurses couldn't control it in time and it was too late. we would've thought marnie would have told you, kenz?" jazmyne spoke softly, macie spacing out as jazmyne shrugged her shoulders empathetically to kenzie who looked as though it was the first time she was being told this news from her friend

"oh..." kenzie responded as marnie interrupted when kenzie was just about to apologise

"...oh my gosh! i am so sorry jazmyne and dr reid, class and parents please, continue with whatever it is you were doing..." marnie spoke out loud before moving closer to me, my two daughters and macie who wasn't even listening and engaged in the conversation anymore and continued

"...that was so rude of kenzie to ask you! she knows to not talk about it, most especially during class, jazmyne, dr reid, are you two okay?" marnie hushed harshly before calming down and rushing over to my two girls to make sure they were fine, both of them smiling and looking identical to their mom as they nodded their heads

although she wasn't engaged anymore, macie decided to nudge jazmyne to speak up, "it's okay mrs nelson, i'm okay and so is my dad. i mean, if kenzie didn't know and wants to know, she has that right. it is okay to ask things like that sometimes as long as it doesn't get too personal and even then, have you met me and kenzie's dad? but, thank you for asking if we're okay i guess but, seriously, we're totally fine, please, don't baby us!" jazmyne smiled as that shocked the entire class, including kenzie and macie but, i couldn't hide my smile - both of my girls were definitely maeve and i's girls, and yes, i'm talking about kenzie as well as jazmyne

getting called out by one of her students definitely was embarrassing for marnie but, she picked herself up and continued, "well, i...i'm still going to make kenzie apologise, alright jaz? asking someone where their mother or father is, is not okay, and she needs to learn that, even at seventeen, she needs to learn that not every single one of her friends has both parents in their lives as she does and she needs to know that and be sensitive towards it," marnie splutters out as jazmyne and kenzie nod their heads as they go back to the early junior certificate for next year when they were both eighteen alongside macie when marnie pulls me aside

she looked sort of mad that her "daughter" asked jazmyne and me about maeve after macie had mentioned it but, to be honest, did marnie even explain it properly or at all to kenzie as it's been two years since maeve died? or, did she just forget about that bit like it was nothing because kenzie was too young? and just decided to tell kenzie that maeve was just going to stay sleeping in a hospital bed for a while? then i notice the face that kenzie made when her mom said that she knew not to talk about it and how it really looked as if kenzie legitimately had no clue about maeve's death two years on.

"i am so sorry..." just as marnie was going to splutter out a useless apology on behalf of her very capable seventeen-year-old daughter, i stopped her

"...marnie, just stop for a second. did you seriously tell kenzie at all as to what happened to maeve or did you just expect that as she got older that she'd find out on her own as to why she never went to the hospital or to the funeral to help her best friend and sister say the eulogy that she had helped jazmyne write like we agreed she would?" i was stern in my approach not just as an fbi agent but as a father as marnie looks at me in shock as if i couldn't raise my voice at anyone on my own without maeve or without crying over it

"wha...what, of course, i did, that's--"

"--no, she didn't, dad," kenzie's sweet voice came up from behind as i gave the girl a proud smile after she stood up for herself in front of her biological mom - but also smiling due to being called 'dad'

"she refused to even let me ask about you guys for an entire year before she could even mention maeve because she didn't want to get upset and "cry" over a friend which, i'm sorry miss nelson but, what the actual fuck?" kenzie was angry as the lunch bell then rang

the other students and parents apart from jazmyne, kenzie and macie leaving as marnie tried so hard to make what her own biological daughter was saying to seem like a lie when really, as an fbi agent with the bau, i believed my daughter more than her biological mom. it was also telling when kenzie called her "mom" by her teacher name rather than "mom" but called me dad.

"really, kenzie? she never mentioned anything to you about what happened to maeve during lennon's birth? even though emily made sure that marnie would give you those updates after constantly being on the phone to update her about it? so, the first time you actually hear about it is from jazmyne and macie?" i questioned with my arms crossed over as both my daughters as well as macie nod their heads as i turn back around to look at marnie who looked as though she had seen a ghost - in which, she bloody damn will in a second and it won't be maeve's happy ghost either!

"yes, i am serious dad, miss nelson hasn't ever mentioned once why florianna has now been living with you guys and why maeve hasn't been around when i've stayed over and why i didn't go to the hospital or the funeral even though i was supposed to because i wasn't even told about the hospital or that the funeral was for maeve in the first place, even when i helped jaz write the eulogy, it was never specified who i was writing it for," kenzie looked at me with teary eyes as my heart shattered for her in the same way it did two years ago - why would marnie not even tell her "daughter" about the loss of her adoptive mom?

kenzie then started to cry, obviously very overwhelmed from the situation earlier and now only just finding out that for the last two years, her adoptive mother had been decseased and she had no clue the entire time. without hesitation, jazmyne and macie rushed over and pulled their best friend in for a hug whilst marnie just stayed stagnant and did nothing to even try and comfort her "daughter".

comforting their sister and best friend, jazmyne and macie hugged kenzie tightly, jazmyne speaking up, "oh, kenzie, it's okay. it's not your fault you didn't know, i should have realised that miss nelson wasn't telling you and i should have then told you myself and figured out a way to have you at the hospital and the funeral. i just assumed you knew already since macie knew parts and parcel of it already but not the full picture," jazmyne whispered as macie nodded her head as they hugged kenzie as closely as they could as i stopped marnie from coming any closer - truthfully, i don't think kenzie wanted to even look at her ever again, thanking god that it was still lunch break

"no, marnie, stay away. i don't even think kenzie wants to look at you and i wouldn't blame here if she'd never want to be seen next to you ever again. especially considering how long you kept this news from her knowing that you'd be losing her because of me and maeve's adoption of her. why on earth did you refuse to tell her? she deserved to know about the death of her adoptive mom just as much as jazmyne and the boys did!" i was mad, fuming at what marnie had done to kenzie

"dr reid, mackenzie's my child, you can't stop me from comforting her..."

"...yes he can, miss nelson, dad's right, i don't even want to look at you, let alone be seen with you ever again, isn't it obvious by the fact that i'm referring to him as dad and you as nothing but my school teacher? in all honesty, i don't even want to live with you anymore, i want to live with my adopted family because then that means i'll actually be told things straight away and i won't have to wait years before i'm actually told things that are important like the death of my adopted mom and i'll actually be taken care of properly because my adopted dad actually loves me and he makes it his priority to make sure all of his children are taken care of, no wonder why his an amazing fbi agent and amazing dad, he doesn't blame his shortcomings on his tough job like you do even though it's obvious as to which job is harder and, just in case you didn't know, it's the fbi agent job that's harder, not the teacher job. and unlike your lies, my adopted family actually wanted me at maeve's funeral and at the hospital, and so did i, why do you think i helped jaz write the bloody eulogy they were going to say? why do you think i wanted to know what emily was talking to you about on the phone that day? because i wanted to know what was going on with maeve. you even said i could go and say that eulogy with jazmyne however when the day did come, you left the house without even giving me any knowledge that you were leaving and that it was time to go. like i mentioned earlier, i didn't even know that the funeral was for maeve and that i was helping jaz say a eulogy for her because you never told me it was maeve's funeral, to begin with, because you didn't even tell me that she had died or that she was in hospital and that was why emily was constantly calling you with updates. yet, i still waited for two nearly three hours for you to come into my room to tell me if it was time to go or not. however, you never came back until the funeral was over and i had no goddamn idea that it was over and that it was maeve's funeral. what the fuck is wrong with you that you couldn't even tell me something as simple as the information that my adopted mother had died. was it because you knew you were quickly losing me due to the successful adoption and that you knew you would have to let me leave you and you hated that you'd no longer be able to hide things from me so you did it for one last time but with the most horrendous thing to lie about because you thought that maybe if you lied about it that i still wouldn't be getting adopted by the reid's?" kenzie was a strong girl, a very strong girl however, not once until now did we think she was going to be able to stand up for her own biological mother like that

no one knew how to respond so, no one did. jazmyne, macie and i just smiled at how proud we were of kenzie for standing up for herself, her friends and me in the way she did. and, just like we imagined, marnie was shocked, unable to comprehend her biological daughter and her student because don't forget, marnie was also her school teacher, just exposed her and stood up to her. and, also, just so you know, me and maeve, had won full custody of her "daughter" and marnie was not granted any visitations at all.  oh, and on top of that, due to florianna and i being fbi agents, that wasn't at all the reason why we won the court case - for that fact was only mentioned once throughout the entire court hearing and mackenzie was now mackenzie reid and was able to move in with us.

two years ago - prentiss's pov

the one day that none of us was ready for suddenly jumped up on us. maeve's funeral. due to being jazmyne and mackenzie's aunty, i had the job of making sure my niece jazmyne was okay whilst rossi and hotch took care of the boys and baby lennon whilst florianna was taking care of spencer. although i was also at my breaking point emotionally because kenzie, maeve and spencer's adopted daughter hadn't arrived, just like spencer was, i had to make sure i stayed strong for my niece jaz and also for kenzie even though she wasn't here and most likely has no idea due to her dumbfuck of a biological mother.

*knock knock* there was a small sounding knock at my bedroom door, knowing it came from jaz, i let her come in. i was then taken aback when i saw jazmyne and kenzie's school best friend, macie

"come in, what's up my prince...princesses?" i say as my back is facing them as i finish fixing my hair although i knew it would be a crows nest after spencer's finished crying into it at the funeral

"you're the last one ready, aunty emily, we need to leave," jaz's hoarse voice rang out as my heart broke and my eyes widened as i turned around to face the two fifteen-year-olds who were dressed in their very best black dresses, their hair is done perfectly by either penelope or florianna with some suede black boots

i then questioned why derek or hotch didn't come up, why did they get jazmyne and macie to come upstairs to tell me?

"oh...oh, thanks jaz, why...why didn't they get uncle derek or uncle aaron to come up and get me?" i ask, patting the bed down for jazmyne and macie to come and sit down next to me for a moment before having to leave

macie then spoke up with a shrug, "we don't know, apparently it was because kenzie's stupid biological mom, marnie, our school teacher, had shown up and they were trying to deal with her and, jazmyne and i were the only two who were free to come upstairs to tell you," macie sighed, with a shrug of her shoulders as jazmyne nodded her head as my eyes widened again, why was marnie here? i mean, kenzie was supposed to come but, not her mother, hence why i was so confused as to why macie had come upstairs with jazmyne and not kenzie

"oh, well, has marnie left then?" i ask as both girls shake their heads, jazmyne speaking up this time

"nah, we think she has somehow convinced dad to let her come but only if she stays right at the back and doesn't do anything stupid, she can stay," jazmyne shrugs as a disgusted look shows up on both jazmyne and macie's faces as i try not to laugh - yeah as a bau family, we weren't really a fan of kenzie's biological mother depsite the fact that kenzie was the complete opposite - an absolute angel"

"okay but, we should probably head downstairs now then girls..." just as i went to stand up, jazmyne pulled my hand back down as i gave the two girls worried looks

"what's wrong jaz and macie? we need to go and say goodbye to your mom and maeve," i responded as the two girls just looked up at me with their sad, devastated puppy dog eyes as my heart broke

"we're not ready..." jazmyne responded as the girls looked back at me as i pulled them both in for a hug and we stayed in that hug for a little while before the three of us stood up, me holding jazmyne's hand whilst macie latched hands with jazmyne and we walked downstairs where everyone else who was attending the funeral was waiting 

"...aw, girls, i know you're not. trust me, i'm not ready to say a final goodbye to my best friend either so, i can't imagine what it feels like for you jazmyne and your brothers having to say your final goodbyes to your mom and, macie, having to say goodbye to your best friend's mom," i whispered as we then walked downstairs 

*

i sat down in my seat in the church of the funeral with macie and jazmyne on each side of me, spencer on jazmyne's side and florianna on macie's as we waited for the next speech. which was one of maeve's siblings and then after that it was jazmyne, macie and kenzie's turn, who was the biological daughter of marnie and was supposed to be here but, she was nowhere to be seen. kenzie was the girl who had helped jazmyne write her eulogy for their (jaz and kenzie's) mom and expressed her interest in wanting to attend today's service but, it seemed as though kenzie wasn't aware that it was for maeve since her biological mom, marnie, was notorious for not telling important things to kenzie straight away, usually telling her months or even years later. 

one of maeve's sisters had just finished their speech and, whilst it broke hearts, hearing the priest introduce the next speech being spoken by maeve's two eldest daughters and a family friend, jazmyne, kenzie and macie, was even more heartbreaking to everyone in the church. and that was because they all knew these three girls as fifteen-year-olds, they were just kids and they were already having to speak about the death of their mother and the mother of her friends. 

and when it did come to jazmyne, kenzie and macie's turn, kenzie was still nowhere to be found and it really worried jazmyne and macie but, that was when i realised that marnie had definitely not told kenzie at all about maeve's death. and just knowing that she didn't tell her daughter but still had the audacity to come to my best friend's funeral infuriated me because she knew her biological daughter was involved in the funeral but didn't even tell her who it was for and therefore didn't allow her to attend and i think i know why.and it's because she knows that kenzie will no longer be in her custody anymore and be able to call her, her daughter anymore. but it still enraged me that marnie did this.

"...macie, jaz, what are you girls doing? it's your turn to speak about your mom and maeve," i whispered as the two girls whimpered softly, their hands not leaving each other or mine as jazmyne spoke up ever so quietly 

"where...where's kenzie, emily? she's meant to be here with macie and me! she's meant to help us with the eulogy, she was the one who wrote it for us because we couldn't do it ourselves one day at school! but, kenzie's nowhere to be found but marnie is still here!" jazmyne stuttered out as my heart breaks for my two nieces and macie, i don't know where kenzie is either but, i have a pretty good assumption that marnie left the house without even letting kenzie know after the fifteen-year-old had properly spent ages getting ready for the funeral and was still waiting for the moment her biological mom was going to walk into her room and get her, not knowing it wasn't actually going to happen 

"i...i'm not sure girls but, it looks like you two are going to have to go up together, just the two of you. you just need to be brave and do it just the two of you and, if you need, i can come up with you?" i spoke softly, comforting them both as jazmyne and macie nodded their heads, putting their bravest faces on 

"okay," jazmyne and macie respond, their bravest faces on as i stand up with them, holding jazmyne's hand whilst macie holds one of jazmyne's fingers as we walk up to the podium, jazmyne and macie holding hands as i stand back a couple of steps behind them 

i then notice spencer as well as florianna who are both smiling towards the two best friends as i just spoke a couple of words before jazmyne and macie's eulogy. 

"hello everyone, just before one of maeve's eldest daughter's and best friend say their eulogy, i am emily prentiss. i'm one of the aunties to the reid children and one of maeve's best friends, just on behalf of the entire reid family and extended, i just want to say a huge thank you for coming. i know funerals aren't everyone's favourite thing to be doing on a day as unusually pretty as today in virginia but, we have to. it's what maeve would have wanted and, i'm glad we were able to come together in the way we have to celebrate a wonderful woman like maeve. i say this because, she's honestly the perfect woman and mother to her five beautiful children and a wonderful wife to her husband, spencer. so, once again, just a small thank you all for coming and now, i'm going to pass the mic on to maeve and spencer's eldest daughter jazmyne and her best friend macie to say the eulogy that they had prepared for their mom and friend's mom," i managed to keep it together as i was applauded before i moved back a couple of steps as jazmyne and macie moved up to the microphone, still holding hands to comfort one another 

"hi everybody, just like my aunty emily just mentioned, i'm jazmyne lorde reid, the eldest daughter of maeve and spencer reid..." 

"...and i'm macie johnson, the best friend of the reid's and although this isn't exactly what me and the daughter's, jazmyne and mackenzie ever dreamt of doing at such ages of fifteen, having to say goodbye to their mom, they are however very grateful that they have all of us guys here to help them and their family to get through it. so, umm, jazmyne's just going to say a few words in regards to who her and mackenzie's mother was as a person and how amazing she was because, jazmyne doesn't think she personally told her enough and then, i'm going to speak after her with mackenzie's part of the eulogy since mackenzie couldn't make it today..." macie trailed off but was a wonderful speaker, as was jazmyne, exactly like maeve, which is why i think it was so hard for everyone to hear the two girls say a eulogy at her mom and best friend's mom's funeral as jazmyne moved forward to the microphone

"originally, my sister, kenzie to help us since she had actually written this eulogy for me but, she actually isn't here like macie just said so, it'll just be me and macie so, here i go," jazmyne paused as she rolled her shoulders back and continued as me and macie smiled at her

"i always loved telling people, as did mackenzie, that our mom was maeve reid and that our dad was dr spencer reid. i loved it because mom was a geneticist and dad is an fbi agent with the behavioural analysis unit. for those who weren't aware, i am maeve's biological daughter and was actually from a previous relationship that she had before she and dad met and started dating. whilst in technicality, i'm spencer's "step-daughter", i was actually adopted by him before they got married so, i'm spencer's daughter no matter what. to be honest, looking back at it now, considering how young i was when mom and dad got married and then had me become an older sister at like just about two years old, it makes sense why i am the way i am. i mean, i think people find it difficult to believe that i am the love potion of a geneticist and an fbi agent, no way! well, i'm sorry to tell you guys but, i...i was, kind of, and i still am and so are the rest of my siblings so, sorry *giggles*. however, that...that's not at all the point i'm trying to make despite how it might sound like..."

"...i only wanted to mention that because, it was and still is something i'm so proud of because, my whole childhood, i found everything my parents did to be amazingly cool even though dad wasn't home as much as mom was. mom was more of a caretaker than a geneticist since she retired shortly after she had me. she loved to take care of people even if she had known the person for less than ten minutes, she'd be coddling them and calling them her child. and this is when kenzie would come into the eulogy but because she isn't here, it means i have to say it..." jazmyne paused again before she took in a deep breath and continued 

"...when i first introduced my first ever school friend, kenzie, to my parents, they were extremely excited because for the last few years before i had met kenzie, i was doing what was basically homeschool since i'm older one that would sometimes join our dad with cases across the country so, when i got to the age of homeschooling and becoming a bit lonely, mom and dad made the collective decision to have me in quantico with mom during the school term and then have me come over to help dad and the bau with cases during the long breaks like spring break and winter break. this meant that going to an actual school and meeting new people was kind of scary because i only had myself since i didn't spend a lot of time there to form proper friendships with the other students my age. even scarier when it's considered that throughout the whole of america, me and my siblings were extremely popular as were our unborn ones because we're the daughters of dr spencer reid from the bau, meaning that i was slightly worried that anytime i tried to make friends, i'd only meet kids who'd only want to talk to me because of my dad..." 

"...however, it didn't really do that, especially when on the first day of my new school, i met kenzie nelson, the daughter of our teacher, mrs marnie nelson, who we were going to have for a good few years of our schooling. kenzie was a sweet, kind, quiet, shy but pocket rocket of a girl. i knew straight away, that she was going to be my new best friend, if not my third sister even though i do now have my third sister, my beautiful baby lennon grace filan," 

"and, going back to the point of mom being a caretaker, the literal second that me and kenzie walked into the house after school, mom was already calling kenzie "sweetheart", "babe", "my darling girl", all the things that she called me, her actual daughter and, i don't think i could lie and say my heart didn't flutter in happiness because it really did," jazmyne started to falter as macie gave her a little nudge as jazmyne nodded her head and macie took over 

"and now, jazmyne knew how dad felt every time mom spoke those sweet nicknames to him *coos and awws* kenzie was already a part of the reid family and she hadn't even been properly introduced to mom, dad who was off from any cases for a couple of weeks and noah, my only brother at the time," macie took over and recovered perfectly from jazmyne's falter as she continued

"jazmyne said all of this and kenzie is too because mom really loved people and she loved being the mom to those whose mom's didn't love them as she did. it was her true calling for her to be a mom and jazmyne and kenzie, along with our siblings, are so glad that we had the opportunity to call her our mom for fifteen, eight and seven years on this earth that we've had with her. and, also, maeve, i think you'll be happy when we tell you that the reid's has finally sorted out that custody battle as kenzie has now been granted permission to start the move back to her house with the reid's so, i think you can stop hovering over mrs nelson and giving her a hard time even though we all know deep down that she deserves it, it really is time to stop as, legally, spencer and the reid's can take kenzie from her whenever he feels like he needs too *everyone giggles*..." 

"we love you so much maeve, thank you, once again, for being the best mom to jazmyne, mackenzie, noah, ryder, lennon and all of our friends, love jazmyne, macie and kenzie," macie finished her best friend's part of the eulogy with so much bravery and poise after her best friend faltered that, i don't even think the two girls needed me up here with them for moral support as macie shakes her head towards the priest, saying that she didn't need to say her or kenzie's part of the eulogy since jazmyne's part basically covered the things she was going to speak about anyway 

we then walk off the stage and back to our seats in the front row pew where spencer and florianna gave jazmyne, macie and me hugs. 

"...you two girls did amazing!" florianna whispered as jazmyne and macie both smiled as i agreed, all of us then sitting down 

"we did it for their mom," i smiled as jazmyne and macie nodded their heads in agreement, jazmyne's tears disappearing as we all held hands and hugged as the rest of the service happened

present time - spencer's pov

it was christmas, which means it is the hardest time of the year for jazmyne, mackenzie, the boys and me, especially since maeve's death. jazmyne had just lost her love and excitement for christmas completely and, the last christmas and now this one, it broke my heart to see the bright hazel sparkles of her eyes be dull on christmas morning when her other siblings, mackenzie, noah, ryder and baby lennon were always so excited. except, strangely, this year, the sparkle in her beautiful hazel eyes for the first time in two, nearly three years, came back.

"daddio!" jazmyne's mature, seventeen-year-old voice was heard down the hall, calling me her "daddio" like the old days, making my heart flutter as florianna and i looked at each other in confusion at jazmyne 

florianna and i started dating after being told to by maeve in a letter she had written to me and the family that doctor johnson had given to me after the family had said our final goodbyes on the day maeve passed away. maeve made me promise that i'd move on and start dating florianna, making sure that it wasn't forced by grief and that it was organic as her only two rules. and also to make sure i gave jazmyne, mackenzie, noah and ryder the chance of having a motherly figure in their life again and for baby lennon to have a motherly figure in her life straight up since she wasn't even a full day old when maeve died. 

"yes, my darling?" i responded, slipping on a festive tee shirt as normally, jazmyne wouldn't be this happy on christmas morning and florianna giggles, rolling back over to sleep again as i roll my eyes 

"it's christmas!" she yells out, almost waking up the entire house, florianna and i hosting the rest of the bau family this year, as we were all staying in quantico for christmas, all running into florianna and i's room to make sure that jazmyne was okay 

"yes jazmyne, it is christmas, what's got you so happy?" i giggled as she gave me an innocent but still smug-like smile which confused me - my seventeen-year-old, one of, was still a child at heart, exactly like her daddio 

"come with me, daddio!" she then said with a snigger as she grabbed my hand as i turned back to florianna who was fast asleep - how the heck has she been able to sleep through this entire thing?

"o...kay?" i questioned with a small giggle as she giggled as well and we ran down the hall into uncle derek and aunty savannah's room and i was confused 

"what are you doing jazmyne? what's gotten into you sweetpea, you haven't been this excited for christmas since momma died, what's up, are you sure you're okay?" i questioned, giving my eldest daughter a worried look as jazmyne rolls her eyes and giggled

and just as i go to look at her uncle derek for help, he puts his hands up and leaves with savannah - god dammit derek and savannah! why is everyone against me today? it's christmas for christ's sake! 

"come on daddio! it's been two, nearly three years since mom's died and since florianna started becoming our mother figure and, i don't hate christmas anymore. it doesn't hurt the way it used to now that mom isn't with us anymore. just, daddio, trust me, i've got it all under control but, before i go, could you please wake up florianna and gather the entire family downstairs by the tree to do presents as i can't wait any longer!" jazmyne explained as i smiled, i was happy to hear that jazmyne was no longer upset about christmas so, i did as she said and i let to go wake up florianna 

"okay, i trust you're telling the truth and not just saying it because you want to impress everyone and fake it but, i'll get florianna and we'll be down in around three or four minutes," i smile, tapping jazmyne's back lightly as she squeals - yep, she's still that same little girl she was years ago even though she's seventeen, nearly eighteen 

*

the entire bau family and their partners, myself, mackenzie, noah, ryder and lennon were now downstairs as we awaited on jazmyne. for some odd reason, she was taking her time but, just as florianna was going to go up to grab her, jazmyne came bundling down from the staircase as we all looked at each other in confusion, lennon resting in my hold, what is jazmyne doing? 

"jazmyne, sweetness, what are you doing?" i giggled, lennon laughing as well as jazmyne grabbed a bag of presents and handed them out to the group, leaving one for florianna 

then, this bombshell that none of us was expecting but was everything we wanted, dropped from her mouth. 

"mom, ever since momma started deteriorating in the hospital after giving birth to lennon, you were there for the entire family and even before that frightful day, you were there for us. and, because it's christmas i thought it was the perfect time to say i really love you a lot and, after talking about it with mackenzie, noah and ryder since lennon is still too young to comprehend any of this, we've all decided that we're ready to start calling you our mom..." jazmyne smiled, not once stuttering as we all looked at jazmyne in shock, expect for my other kids who clearly knew about this christmas present for florianna, tears welling in my eyes as lennon smiled and hugged me tighter even though she was only two and didn't really understand much of what was happening 

i shared a smile with four of my kids whilst we all had a group hug. kissing them all individually, letting them know that this was a beautiful christmas present for florianna and how much it meant to both of us, not just florianna. 

"...jazmyne--" florianna spoke as jazmyne sushed her and everyone laughed as she then continued on 

"...mom, you've been there for everything since mommy died and, we just want to ask you this on christmas morning because it's the right time for you to adopt me, mackenzie, noah, ryder and lennon and be our mom and marry our dad and become florianna reid?" jazmyne asks as florianna jumps off the couch, pulling jazmyne into her arms as jazmyne giggles softly 

"oh, jazmyne, of course, darling! of course, i'll adopt you and the kids!" florianna calls out as i cover my mouth, feeling the happy tears that welled up fall down my cheeks as i wipe them away before lennon and i ran, joining florianna, jazmyne, mackenzie, noah and ryder in the hug as everyone else cheers

"phew, oh thank god you said yes as uh, i had uncle aaron and uncle david kinda help me with getting all the paperwork..." jazmyne spoke with hunched shoulders and a humourous smile to break up the silence as everyone laughed - of course, she had her uncle aaron and uncle david to help her, who else would have the tools to do so? 

"oh jaz, i was always going to look after you guys! that's what i promised your momma the day she died. i promised her that i was going to look after you, daddy and your siblings until my own dying breath," florianna spoke with her beautiful smile as she kisses jazmyne's cheek, making her giggle as she then kisses the other kids 

it was then announced that the other kids could open their presents with their uncles and aunties as florianna and i had taken jazmyne and mackenzie with us to a different room for their presents that were from the two of us. 

"jazmyne, mackenzie, these two are for you, i know they may look like two blank envelopes but, i promise you, it's more than that..." i spoke as the two girls gave florianna and me weird looks before opening the envelopes 

and, let's just say, i never expected this reaction from our two older girls but, we wouldn't have changed their reactions at all. 

"wha-wah-wait, hold up, mom, dad, are you guys serious?" mackenzie was the first to speak up as jazmyne just stared down at the envelope 

"yeah, we're dead serious kenzie, it's about time we spoilt our two big kids rather than your brothers and baby sister," florianna spoke up as jazmyne finally looked up, tears were in her eyes 

"you...you're allowing us to move to las vegas for college? mom? dad?" jazmyne was quiet, as quiet as i'd ever heard her, her voice only slightly rising at the end as i nodded my head, alania also nodding her head 

"yes, you two are graduating within the coming weeks and you're both going to be turning eighteen within the next few months so, of course, we were going to let you guys move to las vegas for college. it was actually something momma left in the letter she wrote for you two," i spoke as jazmyne looked down, starting to cry and i smiled as kenzie comforted her 

"you okay, jaz? is it everything you wanted?" florianna whispered, bopping down to both girls' height as jazmyne nodded her head 

"it...it's all i've ever wanted, mom. to be like momma and daddio," jazmyne whimpered as she looked up once again and i walked over and lifted her up, her legs latching around my waist as i smile, jazmyne hugging me tighter 

"thank you," she whimpered as i squeezed jazmyne whilst florianna did the same thing to kenzie 

derek, savannah and emily (and everyone else) then joined us and smiled as they all leaned on each other, derek speaking up as i nodded my head. 

"so, i guess you told them?" derek spoke up, emily and savannah leaning against him as they all smiled and leant on each other as i nodded my head

"yeah, we did. it was about time morgan, they deserved to know what maeve's final wish for them was before she died. they deserve to go back to las vegas, where they used to live and for them to study there. they deserve to have the choice to branch away from their momma's degree and their dad's job if that's what they so choose to do," i smiled a bright, happy smile that reached either side of my eyes as derek rubbed my back, also smiling 

jazmyne and i hugged a little longer before i placed her down as she then hugged florianna and kenzie hugged me before we then decided to continue with the rest of the presents that everyone else got the kids. 

a gazillion presents later and i still think the one that really got to jazmyne was the present from mom and me for her and kenzie and then the car that uncle derek and aunty savannah had gotten them both. 

well, now this was the moment i knew that it was the right time to propose and marry florianna, the love of my life and make her mrs reid as well as the legal mother of our five kids, having our two eldest move to las vegas for college. this christmas couldn't have gone any better than it already had. a christmas miracle is what happened this year and, i think this instagram post proved it. 

liked by drspencerreid, mackenziereid, floriannatomlinson, derekmorgan, aaronhotchner and 994 others

jazmynereid merry chrysler everybody 🤍

view all 780 comments

drspencerreid merry christmas my dear. glad this christmas was better for you than the last 🤍

jazmynereid drspencerreid  thank you daddio and, this christmas was far better than last christmas that's for sure 🤍

 mackenziereid merry christmas jazzy 🤍

jazmynereid mackenziereid  merry christmas kenzie 🤍

floriannatomlinson merry christmas babe 🤍

jazmynereid floriannatomlinson merry christmas mom 🤍

derekmorgan yes, aunty savannah and i did give you and mackenzie a merry chrysler! merry christmas jazmyne 🤍

jazmynereid derekmorgan yes, you did give kenzie and me a merry chrysler. merry christmas uncle derek 🤍

aaronhotchner merry chrysler to you too, jazmyne 🤍

jazmynereid aaronhotchner uncle aaron, please, never say merry chrysler ever again! but merry christmas uncle aaron 🤍

all was well 

- - - 

yay! i've written for spence again and i'm happy! 

ok ily xx

word count; 11233

#criminal minds #dr spencer reid #angst with a happy ending #imagine the criminal minds characters with social media

[ladyraspberry-2540]

Went to see a movie, here are my thoughts for those who are willing to read

(SPOILERS, PLEASE DON'T LOSE THE PLEASURE OF WATCHING IT FIRST YOURSELF)

1. Went to see Barbie today, not gonna lie it was one of the best movies I've watched since I think Puss in Boots: Last Wish

2. It's a movie that makes you tear up both from sadness and happiness

3. I love women. This film really shows the beauty of solidarity and fighting together for us to be treated as we should: with equal respect and importance

4. I just love how sooooo many cishet men were so mad and grrrrr rumbly that how dare a movie (based on dolls and feminism and flaws of our society and patriarchal system) dares to not be made specifically for them

5. I've also seen an opinion somewhere that it shows not only obvious idiocy of patriarchy but also matriarchy. And with that, I strongly agree, here are the couple of situations to visualise it:

While Barbies have various important, impactful roles (shown in the movie with doctors, noble prize winners, astronauts, fully female supreme court, president), Kens fulfill only most basic and trivial positions like just being a beach himbo. Sounds very, very, very familiar (with reversed sexes) when you think about stereotypical, male-centered media, no?

In one of the earlier scenes, the Weird Barbie makes an unsavoury "compliment" about Ken's nether regions, which is an obvious example of cat-calling and objectification

One of the scenes near the ending feels so much like something you'd say when women finally gained the ability to have some even slightly significant roles: you won't get access to the supreme court buuuut we'd allow you to rule in something local (later followed by the narrator's: and Kens were happy, maybe one day they'd get as much power as women have in the real world)

6. Ordinary. Barbie. It made my eyes create a freaking waterfall! Just because you're not a doctor, carrier oriented, mother, super duper smart, pretty, charismatic does not make you any less of a woman. There's no need to prove yourself to deserve respect!

7. And finally, the real real tear-jerker, if the last point was a waterfall, this one is like 10 waterfalls. When Barbie stands with Ruth Handler (her creator, Barbie's name is based on her real-life daughter, Barbara), and she closes her eyes to finally see what humanity and womanhood is... The visions of so so so many women: babies, young girls, workers, doctors, mothers, wives...

Being a woman is hard. Being a woman requires you to endure challenges always everywhere: double standards, sexism (not only ideological), never being on the winning position (if you present yourself modestly you lose, if you're more "openly" presenting you lose, if you're too thin you lose, if you're too fat you lose, if you're focused on the career you lose, if you want to be a homemaker you lose and many many more).

Being a woman is beautiful. Being a woman is empowering.

And I'm not only talking about cis women! Any person who identifies as a woman goes through these struggles and most importantly

DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT

-🍓

#Barbie #barbie movie #women #girls #feminism #we are strong #we are beautiful #we deserve respect #we are equally as important #i love being a woman

[theprologues]

Hey Pro! It’s been a hot minute & I am glad you’re still around in this neck of the woods. Here’s your in-depth lyrical analysis for this album round… Anti Hero.

This song comes represents an apology for the LGBT community, more than is current being acknowledged. TS starts by sharing the relationships of her past are still in her mind and haunting her too. She then nods to her use of social medias ending up in crisis, calling back to a tale older than time, most likely being kissgate likes.

TS then confesses that it’s herself who the problem and through the tips leaked, the lgbt community discuss that too. She reasons that she keeps focused on her love (the sun) but can’t look in the mirror for how she allows the situation to play out. Lastly, TS confesses she recognises how hard it is for the community to stick by her, saying she lacks the bravery and qualities to be the leader/hero the community needs. This positioning is an ongoing motif across the rest of the album (most obvious Seet Nothing & Dear Reader). This appears to be a topic which she is extraordinarily vulnerable and insecure about. I also suspect it’s more than just the queer community/ fandom, it would likely spill out into her friends, family, lovers and industry partners- you may remember that blinds about Cara and her fighting about this previously and also Chely Wrights pointed comment about needing a hero for the movement.

Next up, Taylor explains some insecurities. She uses the sexy baby to suggest she too feels like she is on the outside and doesnt fit in - ruminating that she also has this very queer-relatable experience. However, she’s too famous to ever hang out with the community she is a part of. She discloses she is slowly getting herself back to the city where “you can want who you want”. The city the lgbt community want for her-NY. TS then acknowledges her career has been hit from the rumours about her sexuality but not cancelled. Th next line is the stinger and real point to the whole song… TS addresses the “advocating for a community I’m not a part of”. The line is presented as a dig at herself “did you hear…” confessing that she was trying to altruistically benefit the lgbt community. However, she reflects that this pursuit was really just a disguise for her covert narcissism whereby she wanted an opportunity to centre the community around herself because her low self prevents her from fully coming out. Heartbreaking. TS goes on to muse over her biggest fears that the people who her children decide to have in their lives will eventually kill her career through being privy to her personal information and the subsequent temptation of being paid off for that information. The most interesting lines were the ones to follow about the community leaving and her music losing all its meaning. This is very giving: at no point until this line has she ever explicitly expressed the importance of her being able to express her identity to this community. After all, who would even understand what TS is experiencing if the community wasn’t so invested in decoding the queer subtext? Who would even comprehend what this TS song is about. While TS has always been subverted to the media theories about her music, she has always welcomed and enjoyed the queer theories from her fandom. What would the point of allowing her music to express more queer themes if she didn’t want to share it with her fandom. It’s not advocacy, her lyrics are so coded that it even gets questioned.. but it’s does keep her community with her each album cycle. That’s become part of the TS meaning of making music. Antihero is an apology and an acknowledgment.

People can argue the song is just as applicable to her prior political stances - however the fear of her childrens social lives and disguised altruism really debunk that (unless she’s been voting for trump all along😂). The undercurrent of her ongoing inability to reach out to the lgbt community appears to be the muse of this song. It also stands behind the reasoning why this area of the fandom seem to be the only ones who really receive any ongoing “tea”. As you’re well aware of, TS tries to connect with y’all. Let Antihero be the anthem she is hoping it is for you all. Until next album Pro, stay well. X

That's funny I just wrote a post about Anti-hero before seeing this!

Thank you! You too. Love this take! As far as tea goes I'm over it. I think it raises expectations only to crush them. I'm focused now on what the girls are doing or have done. It's too stressful to predict the future.

#askpro

[arcane-constellations]

so I had to be induced two weeks before when my son was supposed to arrive, because I went to one of my prenatal appointments and my blood pressure was too high and I was experiencing some symptoms of preeclampsia so in an abundance of caution they had me go get checked out at the hospital. I was so woozy that I couldn't focus on the questions they were asking me when I was getting checked into the maternity ward and my husband had to speak for me. They took us to maternity triage first, I got to chill in a bed in a dimly lit room while they ran tests on me. They took some blood and I had an IV placed just in case because it was looking like I was gonna be staying. I got to nap while they waited to hear back from my doc and they ended up keeping me. I got taken to a labor room and my mom and sister met us there with my hospital bag.

Now into the induction itself. I got a Foley balloon (I think that's what it was called?) to dilate me which was so uncomfortable, and I couldn't have an epidural yet because they wanted me to be more freely able to move around to help speed up dilation. I was hooked up to a blood pressure machine to continuously track my BP because of how funky it was being, and external monitors to track baby. At some point I also got pictocin in my IV to help w dilation as well. For the next several hours I just had to ride out contractions, my husband held my hand thru them and talked me thru the pain. Periodically I'd get up and walk around the room or squat because it helped the pain. Around midnight they came and did my epidural. It was uncomfortable but once it was administered I felt great. Then they came and broke my water because I'd been stuck at 5 cm dilated for awhile and they needed to get things going more because baby's heart rate was acting up. He kept dipping with each contraction. Then my blood pressure took an abrupt dip and they had to bring it back up, and between that and what baby was doing we were scared I was gonna need a c section for a bit. They had to switch to internal monitors for baby which was uncomfortable because they had to kinda fist me to put them in lol. I was stuck laying on my left side all night because every time they tried to move me my baby's heart rate would act up. Around 6 am I started to feel this intense pressure and I thought I was just feeling my contractions thru my epidural and I was having a hard time getting comfortable and then when they checked my cervix around 7 I was fully dilated!

They had to call my midwife, she was across town at another hospital finishing up another birth. She got there right around 8 and we got me into position and the chaos started. My husband held one of my legs up and helped encourage me thru pushes. The midwife was awesome too, so encouraging and so nice. My room has a mirror on the ceiling that they could position so you could watch your birth and I did that, it was so cool. I did projectile vomit on everyone present but after that, I was lazer focused on pushing. I could see my son's head starting to come into view and even though it hurt I was so fired up to push. My mom and husband were encouraging me, helping me remember to breathe good and the midwife told me I was pushing so good, and telling me everything I detail so I knew how close baby was to being out. I remember how that last push felt, the relief of the pressure as I saw my son come out. The baby nurse took him and made sure he was all good, then laid him on my chest. I held my boy and watched the doc stitch me up. Luckily I only needed a few stitches, and my placenta came out without needing to push. They have to massage your abdomen after the baby comes out to make sure the uterus is starting to contract back down correctly and that is uncomfortable as fuck. I got to lay there and hold my boy and rest for a couple hours til they took me to my recovery room, where I took a good nap while I waited for my mom to bring me my post birth craving ( Chicken salad sandwich from Panera).

We spent 3 more days there, I got to rest a ton and my husband was so good at making sure I did and that I ate (and the food was surprisingly good for hospital food!).

All my nurses were so good and everyone explained everything that was going on, I never felt like I was being mistreated or like I didn't know what was happening to me and everyone took me and any concerns I had seriously. It was an experience for sure

#rambles #childbirth #emetephobia tw #medical tw

[terrigang]

Slow it down speed it up make a move make a pass

SLOW IT DOWN SPEED IT UP MAKE A MOVE MAKE A PASS HOW TO

So maybe by understanding the psychological processes behind our different experiences of time, we might be able to slow things down a little. There are even some altered states of consciousness (such as under the influence of psychedelic drugs, in traumatic situations, or when athletes are "in the zone") in which time seems to slow down to an extraordinary degree. Our experience of time is flexible, speeding up in some situations and slowing down in others. Other times, you just want to have fun.But perhaps it doesn't need to feel this way. There are times when you may want to experience more of life or think more deeply about all the things you want to give your attention to. One study found that, all else being equal, we think we had more fun if we thought time flew by. Or you could just get yourself amped up from time to time: Whether that’s through positive (excitement) or negative (anger) emotions or something in between, adding more emotional arousal to your experiences may also help you feel like there was more time than there actually was.Īs for the axiom that time flies when you’re having fun, it turns out that link is even stronger than you may think. If you can train your brain to become more conscious of what’s around you, you’ll likely get to have more life experiences overall. So if you want to experience more time in the time you actually have, expose yourself to novel things and be more mindful of what’s going on. So in order to slow down or speed up your sense of time passing, one of the most effective levers to pull (in either direction) is how much and what kind of attention to you pay to a given experience. Neuroscientists have even shown that the more engaged our attention is, the faster we perceive time moving. When we focus on just one thing and are largely unaware of anything else, that speeds time up. Maybe it’s the weekend and you’re finally painting the baby’s room or straightening up the house, and before you know it Sunday is over. On the flip side, if you’re lost in just one task, time just whizzes by. Mindfulness meditation, which is geared to helping people more fully attend to aspects of the present moment, has been shown to slow down perceived time. But there may be a different way of paying closer attention that you have some control over: We can notice more of what’s happening at any moment by simply being more mindful. Obviously, there’s no way to walk down that same street for the first time a second time. In that case, your attention shifting around was due to something novel you came across, driven by the situation. If our experience of time passing were reliable, we wouldn’t need to check our clocks and watches so often. Then on the way back, it seemed to go so much faster. Everything was new, and you probably spent a lot more time focusing on and thinking about all your new surroundings. Think of the last time you walked somewhere you’d never been. In one study, researchers found that when our attention shifts onto something novel, time appears to tick by more slowly. Simply put, time slows down when you attend to more things.

SLOW IT DOWN SPEED IT UP MAKE A MOVE MAKE A PASS HOW TO

Here’s a look at how to adjust two of the key factors that researchers have found influence our experience of time: attention and emotional arousal. Subjective time is anything but steady, which opens up an opportunity for us to manipulate it as we like–at least up to a point. Tennis great John McEnroe once described that phenomenon this way: “Things slow down, the ball seems a lot bigger, and you feel like you have more time.” Movies love to capture the way everything goes into slow motion during a life-threatening event, but that isn’t just a visual metaphor. And it slows way down during moments of extreme experience. Famously, time flies when you’re having fun.

#Slow it down speed it up make a move make a pass

[quackarl]

SAPNAP; HANDSY!

A/N: The title absolutely sucks, but what else could you call this breed of Sapnap?

Usually, too often, I find myself trying to kill some time by myself and picking on myself for romanticising choosing to be left alone in the house for some uncontrolled, luscious alone-time, while watching my boyfriend get himself ready and leave the house to meet up with the usual group of friends. Time without him was never time well spent, anyway. So, today I made myself presentable and was never more sure of wanting to tag along with him. He cheered when I told him my plans to come.

I even got to watch him charmingly mess and ruffle with his hair through the reflection of the bathroom mirror while I was next to him applying my lipgloss. (The lipgloss that he kept eyeing. Or maybe it was just my lips. Or my lips with the lipgloss on them.) (He’s totally the type to say “I’ll always ruin your lipstick, but never your eyeliner”.)

I also got to giggle at him wanting to ‘help’ to choose a skirt to go with my top, and not one of them being ‘the right one’, so of course I kept changing in and out of skirts, while he pretended not to peek. I played along for his entertainment (and pleasure). All just for him to kiss me when I had ran out of skirts to try on and telling me that “I should maybe actually stick with jeans, and keep everything he had just seen for his eyes only”. 

I knew there wasn’t any actual toxic possessiveness in him, so I wore one of the skirts I had tried on before. Without his help this time. (Getting dressed was my agenda for now, not getting undressed, I had to tell him and swat his hands away from my waist).

So now, Sapnap was gaming his precious heart out and mindlessly smiling at whatever came out of one of boys’ mouths. We had just arrived at Karl’s for a little get-together. And the boys’ cheers when they saw me arriving were almost ridiculously identical to how Sapnap had reacted when I told him in the morning that I was coming with him tonight. It all felt like a warm, much needed welcome all over again.

Sitting next to my boyfriend on the couch, I had no idea what was happening in the game he was in the middle of. I got to keep glancing at his focused, relaxed side profile though. Cute. At some point Karl had laid a friendly hand on my shoulder and was so genuinely curious about what I had been up to lately. We chatted while having no choice than to have the others’ screams at the game for background noise.

I always find myself loving the company I keep around Sapnap’s friends. It’s noisy and chaotic, even confusing at times and hard to keep up with, but yet so homey. Everything had fallen into place so naturally when we first started dating and I had stainlessly blended into the friend group by now. So far ever since, if I say so myself I’ve been keeping my nerves on the low surprisingly well. Countless times I’ve surprised myself by so openly laughing along and sharing my own quick remarks, but still shut myself up before I got too carried away.

Now Sapnap had given up his turn in the game and instead taken fully interest in my needs, (I kept telling him I’m honestly okay and just more than happy to watch him get lost in the games I knew he loved), and keeping rubbing my back and sides in a comforting manner, depending on where it was easier for him to rest his hands on. Very sweet gestures however, I thought. I was too occupied keeping up with the flowing conversation that it took me a while to register him resting his hand way below my waist on my backside. How that even was possible for him to reach there, in a sitting position we were in, I didn’t know. This boy. And why now? Who just does that, especially with a face that doesn’t show any shame or worry? He was just plain smug.

He met my eyes with a longing gaze, “are you okay, baby?” 

His face began to form a beaming grin at me as he continued effortlessly teasing me, “you’re kinda tense, you know? I’m so used to having you all over me.” It still surprises me how he makes everything sound so casual, like dirty talk was in frequent use in his daily vocabulary. It kind of was though, considering the humour in this group was occasionally raunchy.

“Yeah, in private,” I wanted to scowl at him through my teeth, but I had Karl swiftly flashing me a dramatic face of anticipation and a comical gasp. He was now leading the game, so close to winning. I kept my face neutral from Sapnap’s teasing, yet shot Karl a sincere smile back, and cheered him on. He seemed pleased and turned back to focus on the game.

You turned to Sapnap again, “are your hands okay? Do they have a will of their own now or are you actually trying to do this right now?”

His hands were still, very much, groping me. Moral man, where are you? My voice also had really lost all of its’ strength. My words were dominant but my tone was submissive. (Sorry, but it’s true).

“Baby, I saw that. You checked me out, like, so many times,” he switched the subject too smoothly for me to keep up, “you love me or something?”

What a tease. I told him nevertheless that I do, and how much exactly.

“Hot damn,” he murmured in a flustered response.

We let the night roll on at its’ own speed and flow. I mindlessly watched Sapnap alongside the others to get started on another round of the game, and another, and another... He had managed to keep his hands and mouth to himself now, for the most part. That didn’t make me feel any less excluded, though. He was still radiating appreciation towards me by directing little smiles my way and not keeping his distance when it came to sitting next to me.

“What the honk?!,” Karl shrieked, “could you not maybe block my way, thank you very much?!”

“Yeah, no sabotage, guys. Quackity, you bitch,” Sapnap stated.

“The fuck?! What’d I do?!”

There was a familiarity in hearing the constant bickering between them. I couldn’t imagine not hearing it every time I came around.

Sapnap broke his gaze from the game that had just come to an end, and was pending another round to begin, and turned to meet my eyes again. He had given his turn to Dream now, so his attention didn’t halt from me this time, “you’re still doing okay, babe?” 

He was the one to check up on me once again, even though I could see him growing more restless and sleepy as the minutes went by, and as an hour turned into another.

“Mmh,” I hummed. Instead of him continuing his mischievous act towards me, he settled for a softer approach and nuzzled his face against my neck, seeking comfort. He sighed contently, “we’re such a couple”. We are.

I know that was his disbelief coming up to the surface of his feelings to say “I still can’t believe I get to be yours,” and “Being this desperate to be close to someone you love is hardcore simping, but when it comes to us, it’s okay”, cleverly concealed by his humour.

“Yeah, we are. Aren’t we?” I smiled at him. He muttered back a ‘hell yeah.’

“Snacks, your honor,” Karl was offering me a handful of something to munch on, “but please, don’t feed each other, this is a safe space for single people.”

“Yeah, don’t be fucking rude and insensitive shits.” Thanks, Quackity.

Sapnap scoffed, “pfft,” and gently offered me his portion of the snacks, and eventually got to feeding me, making everyone yell out and gag.

The night went on. I was way too comfortable here, still laying on the couch, in Sapnap’s arms. There hadn’t been much movement made during the past few hours, besides just his hands occasionally caressing me and adjusting us into a more comfortable position, when needed.

He was getting drowsy enough now to dare to mutter a quick “I love you, baby,” to me and a quick press of his lips against the point where my shoulder meets my neck. 

This was all still a romantic little moment in my eyes, despite the yells of the others in my ears, “what?! Again?! You idiot…,” Dream was apparently getting slaughtered by Karl and his brutal technique in the game, again.

“Love you, babe,” I assured back my boyfriend. And just bathed in the heavenly feeling of his close presence and getting a few laughs out of Dream’s and Karl’s fighting.

Oh yeah, of course thanks to my low-cut top, my neck and shoulder area was left bare for Sapnap’s lips’ exploring. I let my hands boldly wander to his hair now and hoped no one would think too much of our exchange of affection. He had moved to smother and fiddle with the hem of my skirt. So carefree and shameless.

“You having fun there?” I asked him.

“Always fun,” he grinned back. I bet.

“Should we start heading home?” I asked through a little yawn that I couldn’t help holding in anymore.

“Yeah? Now?” he checked the time on his phone that was still within his reach. It was not that late though, perhaps why he hadn’t made any move to leave yet, I just maybe wanted to get to curl up to him without getting remarks and snickers directed at us from the others every time his hand would reach for me or his lips come in contact with my face, “Is there something you need to do at home?”

“You,” I thought.

“No,” I said.

There was a new kind of sparkle in swimming around in his green orbs when he was looking at me in the dim-light room. And with our bodies remaining so close to each other, it was only a matter of time when he’d want more. More touches, more kisses, more words of affirmation. More affection. He was a night clinger, but shhh.

“What are you thinking about?” I questioned. Actually, don’t answer. He did.

Sapnap swiped his fingers against my cheek, “umm…,” I’ve found that his answers would every now and then, when engaging in a conversation with me, start with him carefully racking his brain, searching for the right words. Either when he must’ve been in deep thought or almost like he held himself back from saying something. I’d quickly recognized that was one of the many adorable features of him that I got to grow to love, that came with having him in my life, “in general…. I think about… kissing you. A lot. But, what am I thinking now?”

Sapnap dropped his head, so he was looking directly at the ceiling now, and genuinely looked like he was sorting through his thoughts. A slow half-smirk grew on his face. It reached his eyes too, but not in one of those ways it usually did when he’d smile at something he found amusing. It was different, this time.

“What’s so funny?” I was curious to know now.

“How about I show you?” he made a sudden movement to lean into me, attempting to pull me into a smooth, irresistible kiss. A whole day without really getting to kiss me was finally getting to him, I thought.

Until…

“Oooh, are they about to kiss?!” I immediately grimaced at the loud tone when I heard Karl’s contagious giggles, and then Quakity’s gagging sounds, “I did NOT consent to seeing porn, you guys!”

Sapnap groaned and hung his head back in annoyance. He didn’t want to give the others any more material for them to mock, “fuck off, motherfuckers. You’ve literally never been kissed and it shows”. 

He was literally growling at this point.

“Don’t let us interrupt though”, Karl snorted, “can you believe they’re kissing and they’re not married!?” He was talking to no one in particular but just letting his hilarious thoughts flow.

Of course Quackity stepped in the joke as well, “let’s get married, baby, so we can have our first kiss”, he told Karl, to which they both started making overly-exaggerating kissy sounds to each other. 

I was still highly aware me and Sapnap were being made fun of, but he didn’t seem to care. It was probably more of the idea of me being made fun of that was irritating him.

I was still quiet. Honestly, it all happened too fast for me to even keep up. I still ironically managed to wish them well on their ‘marriage that’s heavily influenced by me and Sapnap, anyway’.

Dream was quiet as well. Because he had seen this before. He did not find it in himself to get bothered over seeing us (or just Sapnap) getting handsy (and mouthy) anymore. “Ah, young love,” was just his usual teasing, ‘so-old-and-wise’, response.

Just in the spite of everyone (excluding Dream), Sapnap did finally lean in to give me a big smooch on the corner of my lips. He pulled back for us to admire each other’s flushed faces and satisfied smiles.

“Must be nice though to get cuddles any time you want,” Karl admitted.

Sapnap threw his other arm on the back of the couch to rest possessively behind my head, making it now an easier invitation for me to rest my head on his shoulder and lean more into his body, “it is. And other things too.” he said from beside me with a smirk.

Nothing could’ve prepared us for the silence that casted upon the room after his bold confession. Oops.

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