#maybe get a fidget cube. i love those things <- does not own one but rlly wants one | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

maxismatchccworld · 3 years

Photo

To keep it short. All wishes are under the cut.

You have a wish? Read here how to get it added.

ryttu3k

Thank you for doing this! I would love to see solar glass - the glass roofs from basegame, modded to act like the solar roof tiles from Eco Lifestyle.

Anonymous

I would love to see a mesh edit of the fireplace from EL, with the weird rocks replaced by the wood from the SE fireplaces! Bonus points if there's also a version without the weird box and shelf (so just the main fireplace body and chimney).

oi-matey

Hi there! First off, I love your blog and I think the Super Secret Simblr Wishlist is a really sweet idea! I’ve got a build mode submission for the wishlist that I’ve been looking for for a long time; I’d really love a wig stand with some hairstyles that can go on top if possible. I’ve seen it done by alpha creators but the only MM one I found, the download link no longer works and it broke my heart

fleurlibelle

Fantastic idea. Let's give it a shot! I would love to see if a creator could and would be able to create a maxis-match classic Ballet Workout Set. Including two simple Tutu's one classic short the other one long. A classic leotard, wrap top, wrap skirt, ankle leg warmers as well as a pair of thigh high ones. All in classic ballet colors black, white and pink. ;) Nothing fancy! If the creator wants some examples what I mean I could provide pics. But that would be so dope! ❤️

Anonymous

#SSSWish I'm half Filipino, but I hardly see any Filipino content in the Sims Community. I would love to own a Maxis Match Barong or Maria Clara dress for formal events in the game. I think it would be a great way to add more representation in the game, especially when I know there are a handful of PilAms and Pinoy players. Thanks for hearing me out, and thanks for all the work you do to make this games playable. I really enjoy all your hard work!

helmud

i love this idea! i’ve been wishing for a long, straight hair for male sims - like a conversion of CfHair LongStraight. thanks for reading n__n

Anonymous

#SSSWishlist hello! I would love if cc creators can consider making more patterns for Kimono/Yukata (traditional Japanese clothing). I find the in-game versions kinda bland, and there are not many floral Kimonos even though its commonly seen in Japanese festivals. Would appreciate if there's Japanese hairstyle cc with big flowerly accessory to pair with the Kimono too! Same for the male Yukatas, just not floral print maybe. If it's not too much, children's version is also appreciated!

Anonymous

#SSSWishlist Thank you so much for doing this! I've a small request for a mod that allows every destination (specifically the newer lots like Onsens and/or Rental lots) to be an option for dating location under "Ask XX on a Date"

Anonymous

For the SSS Wishlist, I would Love to see a set of three to four hairstyles, all with the same texture. Something like long hair down, a ponytail, and an updo, all with the same wavy or curly or straight texture, all with the same bangs or whatever. Just something that could be used to look like my sims change hairstyle now and them.

Anonymous

I would love to see some moth cc? Like wings and antennae? any colors are fine but I just think it'd be really cool!

sortofasimblr

#SSSWish: deco fidget toys like cubes and tangles (at4s has a great fidget spinner but there are so many more types out there)

t-aeddie

Sorry I wasn’t to sure where to put the hashtag #SSSWish or where to submit the wish.

My wish is to have more swatches for the snowboard and skis. If there could be more LED designs, interesting designs and the swatches for kids for T-E boards. It would be great.

The other wish would be to have more Kimono designs in Maxis Match and/or recolors with more patterns. There are so many patterns that I have seen while looking at real life kimonos and there are so many patterns, styles and colors that are missing in the game.

autumnmoon-sims

#SSSWish Hi! And thank you for this great and sweet idea! I wish for a special piece of CC: a long wavy ginger hair based on LoL's Miss Fortune character. I have a pic to send to show exactly what i wish for... It's my dream hair for my sims! Thank you again for this idea. That's super kind ^^

Anonymous

This seems like a fun idea! What I have been wanting for ages (like since TS2 era ages) is a hair style that completely covers one eye, like Violet at the start of The Incredibles. Most of the peekaboo bangs hairs I've seen are a little *too* stylish and I mostly just want one where someone is clearly trying to cover up half their face with it.

utanozomi

That sound like a great idea! It’d be great if someone was interested in a more fantasy/medieval recolor of joliebean’s after dark top. I really like it by most of the colors are very bright. #SSSWish

Anonymous

Hi! I never send asks so I hope this is the right way to do #SSSwishlist . I would be over the moon if someone could create the Zimmermann 'Carnaby Embroidered Bird Dress' in black. I've had my eye on it for such a long time but I'm too poor to commission it lol. Hope this is ok! :)

saphireeyes9875

Hello, not sure if I'm sending this the proper way, but I have a request for the SSSWish? So, there's still no ways of writing books off-grid that I know of, so I think a journal or typewriter or, I don't know, even a magical computer working on batteries would be great, I would just really love to write and publish books off-grid... Also, I think this is a very sweet idea, and thank you for this chance to make requests!

Anonymous

I would love to see snowy escape kotatsu recolors ! #SSSWish

Anonymous

I love this wishlist idea! I'd like to see the Miles Edgeworth suit by Lunar Eclipse on MTS for Sims 2 converted for Sims 4 very much.

unitedkingdomofsimsland

I would love to see more horse poses with tack. Severinka’s horses are beautiful but it drives me crazy, posing sims on horseback with the illusion of tack (bridles, saddles, etc) I would love to see some Severinka shaped tack be made. Poses would be a bonus!

lunarhobbits

SSSWishlist: cc hair inspired by marlo thomas' iconic hair from the 1966-71 tv show That Girl. or really any cc of her wardrobe on that show

vexingcosmos

#SSSWish I would love the more door from GF without the windows and maybe in a few more neutral swatches.

simsmores

The Simblr Wishlist is such a sweet idea, thank you for this! I would love to see a cc hair based on Osamu Dazai’s from Bungou Stray Dogs! It’s such a pretty hair and I think it would translate perfectly into The Sims ♡

Anonymous

#SSSWish This is an amazing idea! I'd love to see some powerpuff cc, like HIM's dress or Mojo's hat. There are lots of dresses and hairs for the girls (and the rowdyruffs) but I can't find anything that really fits with the other characters. Thank you!!

Anonymous

For the wishlist, any sort of Sailor Scouts themed stuff! Not like stuff from the show but stuff that a fan would have!

Anonymous

#SSSWish - I would love to see a someone put together clothing that accurately reflects the Starfleet uniforms seen on the television shows, "Star Trek: The Next Generation" (collar version), "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine" (colored shoulders) or the later movie uniforms (grey shoulders w/ colored undershirt). I've seen people asking for these uniforms for quite some time now, and I think, if done well, they could be a popular download. A separate chest combadge accessory would be nice too.

Anonymous

#ssswish this is such an amazing and fun idea! I’d love to see some cut pixie hair cuts (especially with an undercut)!

zoragraves

Hey there, that #SSSWish thing is a super cool idea! I do have a wish too - I would love to see the EL utility jumpsuit converted for male framed sims. It can be unlocked by creating an override and unchecking the frame restrictions in S4S, but then the body changes to a female frame. So if anybody out there could do that properly, I'd be extremely grateful :3

Anonymous

#SSSWish i've been looking all over for a version of a torc to use in my historical plays-- it's an old celtic type of necklace, made of iron, sort of twisted into a collar around the neck... i've seen sims 3 versions of one floating around, so if someone would even be so kind as to convert one of those to the sims 4 i would be so happy!!!

Anonymous

#SSSWish I would love to see any kind of MM D&D adventurer type clothing. Literally anything like top, pants, accessories, shoes. There is so much of it in alpha but so rare in MM. <3

Anonymous

#SSSWish Thank you for this awesome idea that brings the community closer during these not so good times :) I wish someone could separate the skirt from the Snowy Escape school uniform and make it stand-alone !

Anonymous

#SSSWish id love to see some tanline cc?

Anonymous

Hello im a jennifer lopez fan, and i was wondering if someone could make cc clothes (like a dress, two piece suit or whatever) with her iconic jungle print pattern?? Like in green swatch and red swatch and maybe plain black / white?? Hope it's not too much to ask! #SSSwish

ashenspectre

Hi, for the SSSWishList I would love it if someone were to either convert or create a more dainty engagement ring type ring for the masculine frame, kind of like the rings glitterberrysims has made for feminine frames, like her pearl antique ring for example. I’ve always wanted more pretty and delicate rings for my male sims but i can never find any that truly work with the masculine frame without most of the ring being absorbed by their fingers lol

leshaybean

Super secret simblr wish! This is such a cool idea. I've been looking for Some haircuts with a mix of curly/wavy- epically mid-length ones. Also A decades challenge- appropriate camera. It feels a bit weird to have my sims whip out there cells to take a picture- I mean I did all this work to make you look like your in the 1910s and now THIS? Sorry for my rant lol. Thank you if anyone actually does any of these!

an0nymousghost

requesting some recolors of the toddler sp clothing! specifically that butterfly top hehe

Anonymous

I love the idea of the SSSWishlist! I can never find a counter/island set that matches the wood tones of ATS4's Irish Pub bar, I'd be so happy to have some.

assimblyrequired

I'd love to see more high-waisted, 1950's style clothes like circle skirts for SSSWish!

Anonymous

I hope someone can make a small mod that allows sims to browse for baby names on the computer. And maybe they could gain moodlets from it, like "I love these names" or "All these are terrible names for a baby"? #SSSwishlist

myheartsimblr

I’d really like to see some more MM earrings that feature multiple earrings. Maybe with some mix and match or something, I only know some basic like ringlets that have several so I’d really like some different kinds.

Anonymous

#ssswish I would love to see Fire Emblem: Three Houses inspired CC, primarily hairstyles! There are some really unique looks in that game and it would be great to have something a little different to give our Sims.

Anonymous

Hi! I'd love to add to the #SSSWish for any cc creator to maybe make a few more frames for our ingame photos, maybe some frames where we can put more than one photo like the Moschino frame, I love having a wall full of photos of my household but there aren't many options. Thanks for having this adorable idea!

Anonymous

For the #SSSWish I'd love to see some eyebrow piercings that look like small naturally growing horns/spikes, kind of like the spikes the Zygerrians in Star Wars have but over the eyebrow rather than on the chin/forehead. Been looking for CC like that and just haven't been able to find any yet, so would be really thankful if anyone could make it.

Anonymous

#SSSWish I'd love to see anything women's wrestling related. Hairs, poses, attires, a small wrestling lot or merchandise. It'd be fun to see what people come up with.

Anonymous

SSSWish - I would love to see some feminine cc made for the masculine frame! For example skirts, dresses, blouses and make up:)

Anonymous

HI! I'd love to see a heterochromia skin detail/tattoo of WildlyMiniatureSandwich's little sad eyes! They're my favorite! I'd do it myself but it comes out a mess. I'd prefer it in the acne skin detail or dimple skin detail if possible!

wishmaker

1. A new Maxis Match sofa or sectional set with a high backrest that people could actually lean on huhu. (or at least a recolor of RAVASHEEN’s Sofa, So Good Sectional.) 2. A Maxis Match version of Wondymoon’s Titanium tall wardrobe with mirrors attached to it. This is my dream wardrobe.

Anonymous

#SSSWish I really would like some more basic clothes for toddlers

Anonymous

#SSSWish I'd like more modest wedding dresses where the arms are covered.

ShyLilPlatypus

I’m not sure that I have done this right and I hope I have. If not, I am very sorry. First off, I love this blog and thank you for doing this. I would really like it if someone did a MM hair for Lisbeth Salander (the style from the Rooney Mara version of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo). I think that it would be a super cool piece of CC! Thank you so much again for doing this! Happy holidays!

classically-atomic

I am always looking for more kids/toddler CC. and would love if there was something similar to the 7785 pattern by simplicity! This pattern is from the 1970’s.

Here is a link to the pattern i have in mind!

https://i.pinimg.com/564x/b4/77/65/b4776583d8f20a28fda5f508f924111f.jpg

mandarinklyftor

I wish for a lightning scar for my sim, like lightning hit on his neck and left a Lichtenberg figure

Anonymous

#SSSWish Hi! Something I would really like in my game is little mannequins with unfinished/already finished clothes on it (kind of like if your sim was working on making clothes for themselves and wanted to put it around their workshop)

Anonymous

#SSSWish I would love to see super glamorous toddler/child cc. Kind of like if they were a part of a super rich and famous family and had to go to a gala or something.

sparkleweedthesimblr

#SSSWish -- I would absolutely die for some D&D build/buy items. For example: dice clutter, DM screens, maybe even a map? I'm not sure how intensive that kind of thing would be. TIA!!

Anonymous

I would really like some more island living inspired cc! Or poses with two women, a toddler, and a baby (newborn, older, whatevs). Either or is absolutely okay!

silverliening

#SSSWishlist i know i already saw some people here ask for more yukata/kimono swatches here and i would like the say i really do think we need them (not just for the adults but the younger ages too, id like for the toddlers kimono not to have the hifu? vest as well but that sounds more complicated).

BUT for my wish i would like to see some proper tabi socks in the game, for all ages + genders, and also for the geta sandals to be made available for children and toddlers. Im not sure how difficult that would be for the tabi + geta but i think they would be a good to have since the kids always get left behind.

simtrospective

AF to CF Conversion

Hello. Wishing for a conversion of this dress…

…from AF to CF. Here is the link to the original. There is already a Toddler version, too!

Thank you!

simtrospective

1950s Style Hair(s) For Men

Wishing for some 1950s style hair for male sims, not as exaggerated as typical sims style. I’ve included four examples. What you choose to make (if anything) is creator’s choice. Thank you!

Anonymous

I was wondering if anybody could make a structured corset top that has a v shaped lower torso, kinda like the ones you would see on tiktok? and if possible, maybe a tonya harding inspired ponytail with the puffy bangs? thank you!!!

Anonymous

I saw a request for feminine cc for masculine frames so I'm going to ask the opposite, so uhh feminine frame suits. I do not like seeing the crunchy chest from the base game suits. 😂

thormurielsev

I would love anything dark academia for the chillier months- maybe a turtleneck sweater with a pinafore or plaid dress on top, or a blazer/sweater combo, etc. Obviously these are just ideas, but I think it would be so nice to see more of this kind of thing in custom content!

Thanks for reading (’:

Yasmin

I’d like someone to make a few generic maxis match tattoos, any styles but that looks more comicish than the ones I see around, that even claim to be MM. EA gave us very few choices and they don’t exactly go together (like using the ones from IL with BG ones just don’t quite work). Thanks in advance if someone picks out. ♥

inkydoc

Hello there! this idea is amazing, thank you :3 my request for the #SSSWish would be some cute cat and/or mouse ears for human sims that are not on a hairband or part of a hair. I’m thinking a hat or an earring accessory thing that goes on top of the sim’s head anime catgirl style :D I hope it’s not too much to ask :)

Anonymous

Hey there! Could somebody make some more long male hairstyles, like 80s rocker type ones? One of my favorite sims is supposed to be like an 80s rocker dude, and I have a really hard time finding hair for him. Long mullets would be welcome, and long rocker hair would be welcome too. Thanks!

mrpinksalmon

#SSSWish A dress similar to this would be so beautiful and versatile :) I also think it would go really well with the new snowy escape aesthetic. If its possible I think it would look best with the same back, but a plain/simple front instead of the collar and detail shown on the front in the image. Merry Christmas!!!

saphireeyes9875

So, there's still no ways of writing books off-grid that I know of, so I think a journal or typewriter or, I don't know, even a magical computer working on batteries would be great, I would just really love to write and publish books off-grid... Also, I think this is a very sweet idea, and thank you for this chance to make requests!

Anonymous

Hi SSSWishlist! Burberry CC! Skirts, scarves anything! For adults or kids or even pets, just all things Burberry!

jade-basicity

Maxis Match Sweater Vest Acc/Top Inspired by House of Sunny's Suburban Knit

or anything kind of close/inspired by House of Sunny (maybe the Hockney dress/landscape knit?) bc I cannot afford it on my own, so putting it on my sims would be a sense of wish fulfilment. However, just in general, a maxis match accessory sweater vest

Anonymous

Hello :) I hope a CC creator can make it happen. I would love to see some maxis match eyelashes that are laptop friendly. I know pikypikachu already has created it but the final product it's not my cup of tea. I just want more designs if possible.

deskhole

Hi! Thanks for hosting the SSSWishlist! My wish is a little vague, but I'd really like to see some feminine clothing tailored specifically to the male frame. I know there aren't hard limits on what sims can wear most of the time, but I just wanna see some catering to gnc/trans sims! 🧡

Anonymous

I'd love to see more decorative kawaii plushies to put around my sim's room! The only ones I can ever find are for toddlers so I'd love to see some non-function ones that just look cute!

Peachy

My wish would be for a recolor of https://www.patreon.com/posts/marcia-by-40546842 this hair in a peachy pink color for my sim self! Thanks so much!

luckiselki

More dance mods that aren't just poses. :D

ultranightmarecake

I’d really like some ballet outfits for children through ya. A leotard with a simple wrap chiffon skirt in various colorways would be amazing!

calenmirielsiannodel

I’d really really love a set of witcher school medallions - the versions from the games, not the series.

simtrospective

US-Style Military Uniforms

HI. Hoping for the US military dress uniforms incl. hats, maybe based around the StrangerVille dress uniforms. Since it’s MM anyway, I’m not looking for anything elaborate or “patriotic” just something to evoke the Navy and Marines, esp., primarily for storytelling purposes. If anyone has concerns this would not be used to depict or celebrate war nor as a political statement, etc.

Anonymous

My Super Secret Wish is a mod, or even a tweak of an existing mod, that stops toddlers from shying away from hugs they ask for during the “Check Toddler” interaction. It is *so* irritating to see a toddler respond to a❓with a ❤️ and open arms then step back, often with a 💔, and push the adult away. I’ve tried to stop it with MCCC but no luck.

Anonymous

One of my favorite parts of the game is creating a restaurant or a vet clinic, but the employees are impossible to keep satisfied and they all eventually quit. It would be nice if there was a way to keep them permanently satisfied, or at least make it easier. There is a mod for this but it is extremely outdated and doesn't work anymore. If anyone could update it or make a new one that would be great! 😁

onlythewatcher

I would LOVE for someone to edit the Get Famous button down female 3 quarter sleeve shirt with headphones around the neck and remove the headphones and ID badge. I don’t make CC so maybe this is too big an ask?

therudemustbeeaten

Edits of the eco lifestyle windows without those chunks of metal. i know it’s been done, but the version that i’ve saw online has a weird shadow. :(

Anonymous

Hey, it's about the #SSSWishlist , i don't know if it's possible but a mod that makes cats and dogs stop meowing and barking would be nice beceause i like using the kalino animals for exemple but the barking and meowing ruin the immersion. Thank you in advance if someone is doing it ^^

clairetoile

Hello, thanks you for this good idea.

I would like a mod that allows to rent a house instead of buying it.

It will be great if is not just for vacation or students in University.

Thanks

Anonymous

#SSS Wish: I don't think I've seen much hanfu sims4 cc so it would be cool if someone can make some! ziseviolet is a tumblr with a lot of hanfu designs and could serve as a great resource.

redruby0321

Hi there! Thanks for doing this, it’s a wonderful idea!! I was hoping someone could create an edit of the Snowy Escape female shirt with the turtle neck underneath and open/unbuttoned shirt, here is a link. If they could make it so that the turtle neck and shirt can be different colours, like having the turtle neck have an option under accessories to change colours that overrides the original turtleneck’s colour would be amazing! Maybe they could throw in more colours and designs, like 90’s or plaid, that would be perfect

Thank you so much!

anonymoussimblr

I would love to see more CAS stuff with simlish logos/writing! T-shirts (especially with the moschino tee mesh), sweaters, sweatpants, accessories… anything you’d like as long as you keep it simlish. Maybe even make more Harnocks stuff with the Henry Puffer logos that MLys released?

Anonymous

For the SSWishlist, could I request some more clean and chic looking booths? I absolutely adore putting in booths as many places as possible in my builds, but I don't come across much CC using it. Some bench like booths for lil cafes would be ideal <3

Anonymous

#SSSWish I know it's very specific for a wish, but I hope someone can manage to create a long silk nightgown or wrap dress, with an orange stylized koi fish pattern on a light green background. I can't find the tile (at storytiles) I've seen it on, but it was just so gorgeous.. I wish I had one irl.

Anonymous

#SSSWish I hope I'm not the only one, but I wish for some more clothes for my elder sims, cozy-looking grandma & grandpa clothes.

Anonymous

#SSSWish it's such a good idea, thank you! I really wish for a high waisted A-line skirt, with only une button placed on the side, with denim and coloured w polka dots swatches <3

Anonymous

#SSSWishlist I would love Padme's lake dress from Episode II of Star Wars, it's so flowy and beautiful and it would be so pretty to see in game!

Anonymous

how about more enby clothing, hairstyles??? we lacking

Anonymous

Dear #SSSWishlist, I think we need more hairstyles for alternative boys, specially more dyed short hairs, or at least masculine dyed hairstyles. I think our eboys, soft boys, scene boys and all the rest are lacking soooooo much... :(

mudkipsonice

#SSSWish- Rings that work for guys that also aren't super bulky. Most I'm finding are huge or don't work on guys at all/well. Thank you❤

k8ecatt

modthesims.inforecolors for plasticbox's functional tea pot

hi! I love this little tea pot, but I’d love to have it in a variety of more vibrant recolors, including pink, aqua and yellow <3 thank you!

Anonymous

#SSSWishlist I like to give my aliens sims that space suit (that came with gtw?) in all their outfits but I would like more variation. I haven't found any recolours or different style space suits that match the in game ones so I would really like if someone made some. Thank you!

Anonymous

#SSSWish Recolors of CrypticSim's Maddy Palette eyeshadow!

Anonymous

#SSSW: So you know how some creators of CC hairs include an accessory with multiple swatches to better match the outfits you put your Sims in? I'd love to have an overlay like that for EA hair accessories too. No particular hairs in mind, I'd be happy with anything that comes up. If any creator decides to do this-- thank you so much!!

Anonymous

#SSSWish i would love a version of the snowy escape masc frame snowboarders sweater (the first swatch is red white and black with some text on it) that works for femme frames - i am dying to put my femme frame sims in it but the distortion around the neck ruins it for me T.T thank youu!!

Anonymous

#SSSWish - My wish is for any kind of run-down, beat-up, grungy, punky, build/buy items. Wallpapers/floors, items, anything! Everything I find is alpha, and having it in MM would be *chef's kiss*. Thank you in advance, so so so so much!

oswanily

Hi ! There is quite a few things I’d like, but I narrowed it down to three “small” things:

- An accessory top with a high neckline and no sleeves - just to hide cleavage - maybe with some lace at the edge ? and several grey and pastel colors please.

- Some accessory prints for shirts, like those tukete has, maybe some aimed at kids and toddlers too ?

- Makeup for kids. Some people let their kids wear makeup in real life, but adult cc makeup don’t look right on kids, so if anyone is interested in trying… I’d like eye-shadow and lipstick, with some discreet options (but you can go all out too of course).

There you go, thanks everyone and happy holidays !!! 😊💕

Anonymous

#SSSWish (I think this is where I request things??) A high waisted conversion of those base game rose jeans. They’re super pretty, but I never use them bc of how low riding they are 😭

negasim

I would be eternally grateful if a posemaker could make a CAS pose very similar to Shai Hulud’s ‘Profound Hatred of Man’ artwork (image link below), only with the hands further apart on the chest. I’ve had an edit in mind for ages but haven’t found a pose that looks even remotely similar to that. Thanks in advance if anyone decides to grant this wish! https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/61HuYY-zJBL._SX342_QL70_ML2_.jpg

greatsuperwoman

Hello! I found your blog a while ago and fell head over heels in love with it, so let me say thank you for all this wonderful hard work you do! For my wish I would love anything maxis match Attack on Titan but if I could only have one thing it would be a maxis match version of Levi Ackerman's hair since we have nothing like that in game. Thanks in advance, and happy holidays!

Anonymous

I would love some recolours of the Nifty Knitting knittable Cable Knit Rug. It’s one of my favourites but the colour swatches in-game are limited. Thanks a whole bunch.

divinus-erus

I really want a pair of a-bit-over-the-ankle boots that are slightly open around the leg with a relatively thick, medium length heel. Much like the ones Korean female idols wear during their performances. I have searched everywhere but haven't found a pair that look right. Glittery ones would be perfect but I can easily recolor them myself. Thank you! 😊

nie-moj-cyrk-nie-moje-malpy

My #SSSWish would be a wedding veil that is not in the hat accessory section! I’d love to be able to have my sims wear eg a flower crown and a veil at the same time; but with the beocreations veils (which are the best ones I’ve found) you can’t do that because they are part of the same category. Thank you!

Anonymous

Now that Snowy Escape is out, I'd love to see some Japanese street fashion, hair styles, and accessories! There is a fair amount of stuff out there, but it's almost all alpha, unfortunately #SSSWish

mortallythoughtfulballoongirl

Thanks for doing this, I really hope for more Lolita styles clothes / clockpunk oufits that are maxis matches and even more male fantasy outfits!

badlyplayedtrumpet

Love this blog and this idea! I'd like to submit a request for a set of cool-neutral eyeshadows, opaque, matte, covering the top lid. I wear this daily IRL and haven't quite found a dupe :)

Anonymous

#SSSWishlist - Oh hello! I hope I'm doing this right!! I would just be tickled pink if someone was able to make a MM picture of the Stanley Cup. I have a hard time finding any hockey CC and I would just be over the moon if someone was able to do this. Thank you! Best wishes! Happy holidays! <3

haylamonster

Hello! i’m not sure if its just my game bugging but the male child tiny living hair is broken and i don’t know where to start on fixing it. i tried to find a fix online but found nothing. in my game the hairline for that hair is so bad and its unfortunate cause it used to be my fav child hair. if someone that mods or makes cc could fix it or make a default replacement, i would forever be grateful.

Anonymous

This is such a nice idea, thanks for thinking of it! I really love the toddler bed that came with Eco Living and would love it if it were made into a single bed for children, preferably separated. Thank you!

usemagnetsgetlizards

Well then, may i bring in a #SSSWish of a very odd hairstyle... A high, side ponytail, with messy bangs if possible? Just one of those weird things i can do in real life, but seems near impossible ingame! Thanks to anyone who even considers making it, because i feel it's kind of an absurd idea in the first place.

TDae

I would love to see some creative and cool alien CC, specially genetics CC. <3 Thanks for doing this.

Anonymous

Hey!!! I have a #SSSWISH!!!! so is it possible for anyone to make more floor futons for sleeping? especially for toddlers? they really should have come with snowy escape!

kaiwrysims

#SSSWish I love to take family photos of my sims to put up around the house but I hate that I have to add a random sim to my household to take the picture. My wish is for a mod that allows you to select a sim that's in a pose and make them take a picture without having to come out of their pose and go to the camera. I would be forever grateful for whoever manages to pull this off!

Anonymous

#SSSWish thank you for doing this! I'd love to see some recolours of the tiny living rug, w different patterns too

Anonymous

#SSSWish I really need some simmer make this true: "Feminine" clothes for males. Dresses, skirts, make ups... I dont really care. I just dont want to skip the "masculine" label in the CAS to put them some cool clothes that doesnt fit good enough. Also, the clothes that are done for women, to do swatches for all genders. That would be amazing, thanks for this.

Anonymous

#SSSWish. First of all, thanks for all you work, this idea is brilliant. Second thing, I've been searching for Suits inspired in Harry Styles x Gucci like fancies with flower and all, and most important, FOR WOMEN. I will be really pleased if this idea comes to reality. Thanks!

Anonymous

Hello, I'm from Spain and I think we have a super rich culture so, maybe a Spanish simmer (or worlwide) would be please to do some Flamenca dresses, os something related tu Andalusian Aesthetic. Thank u! I love ur content #SSSWish.

catu11us

Hi, first of all I love this idea and your blog! 💕 my request is an override for one (or more) of the super ugly City Living blouses - I haven’t seen one and they’re just the worst haha.

Anonymous

Could someone make a mod that gives all base game and DLC showers the option to chose "sing in the shower" like the City Living shower has already? Thanks so much!! #SSSWish

Anonymous

i do the wishlist thing here, right? i guess the thing i'd want the most in the game is ferrets, but that's probably very unlikely haha. the next thing would probably be more trait slots. there are mods that let you add traits in-game, but i'd like to just have that option in CAS, yknow? anyway, cheers, have a good one #SSSWish

strawberries-n-sims

Hi!! this is a long shot but i was hoping someone could make the bb missed opportunity #39? It’s a little stuffed puppy with a sweater and I’m distraught it wasn’t included in nifty knitting. Thank you!! <3

thesimmingowl

Hi!

I have a wish which is very specific, but I’d be so happy to see it done. I would really love to see Ransom’s coat with a scarf from Knives Out recreated in sims (it’s this one, I’m not sure on how to add the picture here: https://www.pinterest.ru/pin/76350156171255013/). I really hope someone will like this idea. And thanks for creating such an amazing event!!!

Anonymous

#SSSWish I'd love to have pandasamacc's rocking horse retextured (and recolored if possible) so they'd look more maxis match!

Anonymous

#SSSWish I's like to see a wall art that is just a handle bar on an angle so you could out it in stairway walls. Metal colors, black and white and light, medium and dark woods.

fiftymilehighclub

What I would really like is just something cute for boys! Toddler or child is fine, but little boys get so little love in the community – it can be a hairstyle, an outfit, some bedding recolors with trucks and animals and such, even just a set of a few ‘boys getting into trouble’ poses. The sky is the limit!

Anonymous

Hello! This #SSSWish is such a fun idea~ Personally, I'd love if someone updated the Plantsims mods that have broken over the numerous updates. Like, G1G2's Revamped Plantsims, Triplis' Plantsim Interactions, and Simonch8's No Cooldown & Trait mods. I've always loved Plantsims since Sims 2 & 3 days, but my knowledge of modding (and especially updating mods) is near nonexistent, so I can't do this myself. It would be awesome if someone could do it so the community could enjoy Plantsims again~!

Anonymous

#ssswish i use both alpha and maxis match but im lacking on maxis match clothes that are really my style, is it possible for anyone to make like some really trendy tik tok clothes????

maybetaryn

#SSSWish I'd love to see a subtle body blush in the skin details section that also tints lips slightly! 🥰 I feel like body blushes really makes the sims look more alive but they're so difficult to find in maxis match!

featheredphantom

#SSSWish My wish is deco objects, anything from paintings to plushies, of Kirby the Nintendo character. I’m trying to make a Sim home for me and my sisters, one of whom adores Kirby, but I can find almost nothing Kirby-related. Other characters from the franchise such as Waddle Dee would be great too.

Danielle

Anything The Outer Worlds related would be cool! The characters outfits, hair, traits, furniture, really just anything lol

Anonymous

I wish for weerbesu to add an option to UI Cheats mod to right click on a collection in the collectables tab to complete it. #SSSWish

Anonymous

#ssswish more like victorian cc for the decades challenge for categories that are neglected like kid, toddlers, swimwear, cold weather, etc.

berthagh

#ssswish i would really love if someone could convert the snowy escape kids outfit with the blouse and pants to adult.

ladyfausta

I would serious love if someone could make a flipped version of the Luxury Party Rectangles Bracelet for the right wrist! (It's the one that looks like staggered bars wrapped around the wrist and reminds me of a gauntlet.) #SSSWish.

Anonymous

#ssswish i have 2 wishes if that is ok. first, i was hoping someone could make some nature prints like the framed botanical prints from cottage garden stuff, but with butterflies? or fruit/veg, birds, other bugs, anything really. my second wish is for someone to make a windsor style rocking chair out of the cats and dogs bench, if that is possible. i know that brazenlotus made an armchair from the bench if that helps?

fcc56

I’d like to se a no-jealousy lot trait. A no-jealousy club perk would be nice too.

Thanks!

6666sims

i’d love to see some demonia trinity’s or thigh high chunky platforms!

Anon

#SSSWISH HAIR for MALE

How about an Elvis pompadour style or similar male hair that are short on top but longer in the back (not slickback long like Get Famous, just not tapered or shaved)?? :)

Alessia

SSSWish

Hello! Thanks for this beautiful and sweet initiative! I have 2 requests: 1- Shop/selling/store cc that is a real maxis match. I’d like store furniture, packaging and proper showcases for selling goods, or clothes, or food that really match maxis content (think about a herbalist store, tech store or a country fashion store)

2- Start thinking about translate mods: I am an italian simmer and i really love how maxis turned the game in my language…it’s sooo funny!! they did such a great work and I really would like to see some awesome mods in other languages. I offer my help with italian translation to everyone!!

willoweesim

#SSSWish I will love a messy up bun without bangs ! ❤️ and a full body kawaii tattoos in colors, balck and with too 🙏🏼🙏🏼

Thanks!! Hope someone will be interested!!

Anonymous

#SSSWish I am a major occult fan and would absolutely die for new functional cc wands for my RoM Witches! I have heard they are hard to make but I figured I would see if anyone was willing to try.

Anonymous

I would love some cc for Journey to Batuu. I know most people hate the pack, but I'm a Star Wars fan so I love it. I would love some recolours of the clothes or some new Star Wars themed clothes that could be worn in Batuu. Thank you :)

Anonymous

Hello! It would be amazing if someone can update GrayCurse's Sims RANDOM TRAIT & ASPIRATION MOD or make something similar. #SSSWish

kissalopa

Hi! This is probably not a small ask, but can someone please update teanmoon's Darker Loading Screen Mod V2 wich includes darker launcher, loading screen and world selection screen. #SSSWish

Anonymous

#SSSWish Hello! I would really love it if a talented someone was able to make a Twilight werewolf shoulder tattoo ^^ Thank you!

Anonymous

I really love the new kotatsu table, and while not surprised, I was disappointed to find out that toddlers couldn't use it. It got me thinking, what if someone could make a floor cushion that functioned as a high chair? #SSSWish

Emily

Matching unisex high school sports (jersey/shorts) uniforms for teens. Can maybe use red & white spa day shirt as base for shirt?

katanubis

#ssswish This is such a lovely idea! There are so many fun wishes! What I’d like to have (and I think would also be useful for other Simmers) is a wedding themed recolor of the “large pile of presents.” I usually put one of those piles in my wedding venue so that the bride and groom can “open presents” together. But the colors that are on the original are not what you usually see on presents at weddings. (I usually opt for the one that is mostly purple, since purple and lavender are my favorite colors.) What I’d like to have are recolors in white, white/gold, and white/silver. Maybe some white/pastels (especially lavender, pink and blue. The white/pastel recolors would also be nice for having a party that you call a “baby shower” especially if yellow and light green were also available. That kind of party isn’t in the game, but it should be!)

Anonymous

#SSSWish... Floor tiles that match the sidewalks!

lisa-sims4-simblr

#ssswish I love this idea and I appreciate you coordinating it! I would like to submit a wish please. I would like to ask if someone can convert the geta sandals from Snowy Escape to toddler and children please. Thank you to those who attempt it!

Anonymous

i LOVE THE IDEA OF A HOLIDAYS THEMED WISHLIST. I think it be nice to have a kids/nursery cc pack, with a toddler bed wivh look like a crib.

Anonymous

I would ❤️ love ❤️ a messy bun/pony tail with roots/compatible with a roots accessory; I’m obsessed with grown out hair 🙈

Anonymous

#SSSWish Hi! this is a great idea and i'd love to make a wish - i've been looking for a preset of full lips for male sims, specifically for Black male sims, that dont have that little bow in the middle of the top lip, if that makes sense! i've seen many of that sort for women, or for more 'white' looking sims, but never quite for black men! thank you and happy holidays!

Anonymous

#SSSWish I would really like it if someone could convert the floor-length dressing gown from Vintage Glamour for masculine frames!

in-wonderment-of-winter

Hi, hope I’m doing this right! I was hoping for something Ori and the Blind Forest/Will of the Wisps themed, something to get over how the games completely broke my heart. Maybe some plushies of some of the game’s characters I can put into rooms? I’d be fine with whatever, this is just a really cool thing you’re doing! <3

Anonymous

could someone make a short wall height version of the curtains from cats and dogs please?

Anonymous

I'd love to see anything based on Native American culture(s). Representation would be nice 💖 Thank you!

Anonymous

For the #SSSWishlist, I really just want to see someone recreate Geordi La Forge’s VISOR from Star Trek: The Next Generation. I think it’d look great and we can never have enough futuristic (and nerdy) cc!

Anonymous

I don’t see the #SSSwish I submitted on your public list (I forgot to use the hashtag before) so I’m submitting it again. I would love to see a mod, or tweak of an existing mod, that stops toddlers from pulling away from a hug after they asked for one in response to a Check Toddler. The toddler will hold up its arms with a ❤️ in the speech bubble then step back and refuse the hug, and the relationship takes a hit. I tried MCCC’s tuner to stop it but it didn’t work.

aestian

i would love some…chinese cc haha! With snowy escape there’s more build items that can be used, I’ve noticed there tends to be a lot of Japanese inspired cc even before that pack, but not a lot of things from other parts of Asia, especially ancient cultures or cultural items like instruments (decor), clothing, furniture (lohan beds), etc. I’ve gone looking but most of what I’ve found is locked behind chinese-only forums and is usually alpha…I just think it would be cool to see some mm stuff from other places esp as fandoms get more globalized

Anonymous

#SSSWish oh, please, i really want to see the "EA-faces replacement" that random townies get.. i'm from the sims 2 community and it's very strange to me that you put up with THESE faces.. ;; i want them (faces) to be more.."beautiful"?.. so yeah, it's my wish. i hope it's ok?

thereddreadedbaroness

hi! #SSSWISH for a Carmen Sandiego (the 2019 netflix version) triangle choker? would love to see it in form!

arsenicandtealeaves

#SSSWish I would love a down hairstyle using the same textures as either the rainbow ponytail from Get Famous or the rainbow top knot from Snowy Escape.

unasyns

I just want a maxis match ragnarok loki’s hair

hellohellohello124

#SSSWish

Just the Snowy escape bangs as accessories.

currentlyquang

For #SSSwishlist, I would love to see someone recreating the Ikea’s Odger Chair in Maxis Match style, as it is one of my favorite chairs and it’s a shame that it’s not available in virtual form yet!

fiavenice

#SSSWish 🤗Thank you for implementing this idea, I'd been hoping that someone would do something like this for a long time. I wonder, would anyone like to try their hand at making a maxis match feather boa or a fur wrap around? They would be perfect for classy elderly (or sims in general).

macthekat82

I would love to see a conversion of the "Rustic stool" from Jungle Adventure from arm chair to dining chair.

I have a historical save, where I would love to use this.

Anonymous

#SSSwish I don't know if you're still taking these, but I really want a neck tattoo of feathery wings wrapping around the neck like a choker. That sounds specific but any style is really okay. Neck tattoos are so difficult to make!

Anonymous

Hi all i have in my sims4 wish list it more traditions for holidays! specially if they’re could be some snowy escape holiday traditions like visit a shrine or go skiing or something. really any new gameplay mods i love thank you all for your beautiful hard work #SSSWish

Leeds

#SSSWishlist it would be really awesome to see a creator make a maxis match version of Urban Outfitters’ Joaquin sofa and armchair set, I think those look fantastic and will make a great addition to the game

Anonymous

#SSSWish: CC inspired in violet evergarden (anime) like Violet Evergarden or Luculia Marlborough hairstyles or even some of the clothes used on the anime. Merry Christmas!

cidira

#SSSWish I’d love to see a TS4 conversion of an old fave or two from TS2 – the tennis dress that came with the Apartment Life EP and the women’s nerdy cute sweater vest over untucked blouse from FreeTime (just the top preferred over the full outfit with the skirt) are the things I’ve been missing most, but anyone who wants to convert clothes from either of those two EPs or H&M stuff will make me super excited, they all had a lot of nice things.

pxmens

This is an absolutely fantastic idea! I haven't been able to look around lately but I noticed that most rings/hand accessories aren't compatible with SkinDetail eyelashes. My wish is exactly hand accessories, specifically wedding rings, which don't conflict with SkinDetail eyelashes. It may be helpful to know that plumbobteasociety managed it in their RRS pack. Lastly, you guys rock!

Anonymous

#SSSWish If anyone is also interested, maxis match recolors of the folowing would be awesome!: Peace Maker's rockers with canvas seating like the Bamba rocker and Ddaeng Sims' Contemporary Pergola

jorwayblacknight

For the SSSW, as a disabled simmer, I would like to see either a trait if possible or even just some CAS or Build/Buy items that are for disabled sims so I can that aspect into my save.

Anonymous

#SSSWish: I think it would be amazing if someone converted some of the YA-elder clothes from the sims 3 store ragtime in the big easy set (especially the vieux carre and big band swing dresses). Thanks :)

Anonymous

#SSSWish I'd like to see a deco pair of crutches that lean against the wall, if someone wants to make them :)

caelestisims

#SSSWish, Hello thank you for doing this! I would love to see more school uniforms. Particularly K-drama style uniform tops that have variations, such as blazers and the types of ties ( e.g. ribbons, bows, regular ties, loose ties, no ties etc. ), cardigans, vests, half-zips, blouses, button downs and crewnecks ( just some examples ) for sims that like to show off their own style at school, despite the uniform.

Anonymous

#SSSWish I'd love to see some riding pants ( jodhpurs ) and competition blazers for my equestrian sims.

Anonymous

#SSSWish: hey ho! my wish isn't all too specific but it would be awesome to see more maxis match historic or traditional clothing from all over the world (although preferably asia - varrying from everywhere) as well as build objects. please, remember, asia does not only consist of the east. thank you for your time!

dollybonamy

Hiii thank you for doing this! Here are my two wishes:

1) This curly Rey hair from the lovely Shellanin on Twitter

2) A maxismatch bow necklace where it’s like a choker with a big bow at the back of the neck….Think Marie’s bow from Aristocats, but for humans!

Anonymous

#SSSWish a lip overlay or face overlay with specular mapping?

Anonymous

I would love to see a lobster claws accessory for hands made from Larry the lobster mascot from the Discover University Pack. Similar to HIM from the Powerpuff Girls.#SSSWish

just-ennie

Hi, I know this may be a super longshot because the venn diagram for the average simmer and this particular thing is probably two circles, but… it would be kind of neat for someone to make some MMA-styled gloves, for example here:

https://www.combatsports.com/combat-sports-traditional-mma-fight-gloves-1.html

and here

https://www.combatsports.com/combat-sports-mma-amateur-competition-gloves-1.html

Anonymous

#SSSWish I'd really like a hair based on Ardyn Izunia from Final Fantasy ❤️

Anonymous

#SSSWish i would love to see the tray from tiny living separated :) also i just want to say thank you for coming up with this secret santa!

Anonymous

#SSSWish, I would like more Star Wars cc, especially if it’s for Padme, Anakin, or Obi-Wan!!

Anonymous

Hello! Thank you for doing this! Something I am wishing for this year is a mm edit of a hair with a different colored underlayer (kinda like simpliciaty-cc's salem hair). I would love to have something like that in the game! #SSSWish

beckyh2112

#SSSWish: Deco books with Simlish covers. Please and thank you if someone fulfills this. ^_^

pxmens

I have another #SSSWish (if you don't mind). I don't know if it already exists but a mod which adds more family relationship options to CAS or the Sim menu. Like grandparents, cousins, step- and half-siblings, step-parents, etc. It would be easier instead of having to create additional Sims just to create diverse relationships.

Anonymous

#SSSWish Hi this is such an amazing idea! I would love a skintone set in s4simomo's V2 hair palette.

bloodluvingirl

I would love to see some more truly alien clothing options for the aliens, the males especially. I sometimes like to dress mine up in complete different outfits for their alien and disguise forms. When I want to give there alien form a totally authentic feel, but a different outfit in every category, I have so much trouble dressing up the males. So some new alien options would be wonderful.

Anonymous

#SSSWish Ballerina outfits/clothes. SOOOOOO many ballerina poses but I can't find a lot of black swan type ballerina dresses (tutu dresses or skirts).

Anonymous

#SSSWish - Pet based holiday traditions would be wonderful! 'Take dog for walk', 'Adopt a pet', 'Brush your pet' for something like a 'national dog/cat day' :0c

Anonymous

I would love to have the "Easy Machine from Fred's PC Hut" computer from TS3 for Sims 4.

Anonymous

#SSSWish - hello! i would like to wish for a mod/fuctional lot trait which makes live in restaurants possible without the need of an additional lot. just everything packed into a single lot like littlemssam's live in business mod. that would be absolutely fantastic. best regards!

joltiklover

I wish for a formal dresses that looks good on plus size sims.

Anonymous

dear #ssswish i'm hoping for a family inspired poses. Maybe something like two parents, 1 or 2 children and a toddler. i'm unable to post links sadly, but if you look up @moonlitmjn on pinterest they've got a board called 'pose inspiration' that has a lot of inspiration for poses. happy holidays!

honeyedflapjacks

#SSSWish It would be amazing to see either teen/university age clutter items: open book stacks, piles of highlighters, simlish monster drinks, boxes of cheese-its that fell over cause you fell asleep at your desk…

dreamylunette

Hello, I’ve found so many talented builders in this community (sadly not including myself) and I’m really wishing for a 30x20 lot to go on the island in Windenburg that’s sorta a tiny house cottage (?)… one to two bedrooms would be awesome, I’m personally okay with both cc usage and cc free builds. Thank u so very much in advance (:

cloudifinds

#SSSWish i would love to see the little toy that’s on the eco lifestyle toddler beds as a stand-alone item :~) thank you for making this opportunity possible btw! happy holidays !!

addieboo98

Hi! Could someone please make more long messy male hairstyles, preferably curly or wavy? Think rocker/grunge styles. Its for my favorite sim and I would really appreciate it! Thank you in advance and I can’t wait to see what you come up with

Anonymous

Can somebody make some maxis match dreads for male sims? I see a lot of shaved sides for men or female dreads with clips and baby hairs, but I would love for some regular full head male dreads not too short and not to long!! #SSSWish

pyxie-peach

Ok so I hope this is the right place to ask my request on the wishlist? I read all the instructions and here but I couldn't find anything specific... I'm sorry if I'm too dumb... so what I want is a conversion of this from TS2 to TS4 modthesims. info/ download. php?t=324116 it is a window... thank you!

#SSSWishlist #s4cc

146 notes · View notes

that-random-chaos-entity · 3 years

Note

How does your OC display love? What are some habits your OC has picked up?

Forgive me as this is a LONG post, but I felt it would be better to show, rather than tell, this one:

Words could not describe how awkward Perturabo felt being back in the Emperor's palace. It would have been bad enough if it were just his deadbeat father, a half-rotten corpse sitting in an overglorified golden life-support casket, ignoring him as per usual. But it wasn't just his father; so many of his brothers had come for this... ...this Sanguinala... ...in many ways it almost felt like the Heresy had never happened.

Vulcan, Corvus, Fulgrim, ROGAL FUCKING DORN, Magnus.... ...hell, even SANGUINIUS had come back from the dead. Raised by the same mysterious chaos entity that had turned Perturabo's world and soul inside out. Made him live his own life over and over again, through the eyes of the people around him, until he got the point. The people he impacted. The people he used, abused, and destroyed without a second thought. The people he...

...Perturabo shook his head, the physical action somehow dislodging the poisonous psychic tumor from his soul. Even though that parasite was long gone and the Eye of Terror no longer loomed over him, it had been feeding on his twisted spirit for so long that its blasted and withered hide still bled for it. Casting his self-destructive thoughts into the warp. This was a good thing (or so the Lanky Llama said). Though sometimes, when he started to brood and sulk, things would get... ...gummed up. He could shake any errant clots loose himself, but nobody helped the darkness bleed out of him like Nehetari.

And holy shit did he wish she were here right now. When she and her robotic people were around... ...the Lord of Iron actually felt like... ...himself. Or the version of himself that he wanted to be, anyway.

But no, "No xenos allowed at a family gathering," the Emperor had said. Not that it even would have mattered if they were; it was one of those weird weeks where the lanky llama disappeared on him and holed up in her room by herself. Something about a "Necrontyr biological cycle," that would, "likely make her act inappropriately," or "embarrass herself and him," but she would say no more on the matter.

Of course it would happen over the day when he needed--erm could have used her presence the most.

"Aren't you going to open your gifts, brother?"

Perturabo snapped out of his brooding to see Magnus looming beside him. It took him a second to process what he said, but when he did he scowled.

"Gifts Magnus? Really? Do think anyone here would ever give me a gift?"

"Excuse me! What am I, grox manure!?" there was no real irritation in Magnus's voice. He gestured to table in front of Perturabo, where three gifts sat that he could have SWORN were not there before. "And if you must know, you're the only brother here I saw fit to even GET a gift for."

"Aside from Sanguinius."

"Well... ...yeah..." the Crimson King shuffled his wings awkwardly. Both primarchs stole a glance at the MOUNTAIN of gifts that their brother had received. "...b-but he doesn't count."

Perturabo sighed. He didn't feel like feeling jealous of Sanguinius right now. Instead he grabbed the first package; it was obviously Magnus's gift. Whatever was in it was so warp-touched that it levitated a solid three feet off the table and changed size randomly. It turned out to be a small inter-dimensional rift that contained a book of arcane engineering, one that Perturabo had surprisingly not seen before. He thanked his brother; something that drew a surprised look from Magnus and a complimentary hug that Turbo awkwardly returned. The second gift was from Sanguinius, as it turned out, and when he opened the box he saw his own face, reflected in a simple yet elegant mirror. After a moment of wondering if this gift was actually meant for Fulgrim (clone fulgrim), he saw the inscription on the box lid which read, "to my big brother: it brings me joy to see happiness in your eyes now. I hope with this you can see it too."

Perturabo swore under his breath and slammed the box shut, furiously hoping that Magnus hadn't heard him sniffle just a tiny little bit. It was a moving gift to be sure, but after everything that had happened... ...somehow it just made the Lord of Iron feel like garbage. Well... ...more so than usual.

Thankfully, quick-thinking Magnus directed his brother's attention to the third gift. In fact, if he didn't know better, Perturabo would have sworn Magnus seemed even MORE excited for him to open this gift than his own.

"What is... ...is this from...?"

"MHMMM!" Magnus's enthusiasm was all-consuming, his grin audible in his tone. "She asked me come and pick it up from outside her door earlier this morning."

Perturabo's melancholy dissipated into a wave of curiosity. What sat before him was a perfect cube of blackstone, though if he knew anything about Nehetari, he knew that wasn't all there was to it.

Sure enough, when he picked it up, glyphs flashed along its side.

"Is... ...that..."

"Necrontyr," Perturabo murmured in deep concentration. "...and not just any form of Necrontyr; this is Ksakhemet Script."

"What?"

"Think of it as our high gothic. Except it's as if we had a high, HIGH gothic. Only the three Necrontyr kings and their families even knew how to speak this script, let alone how to read and write it. It is ancient, according to Nehetari... ...it's from a time even before the Necrontyr first started their galactic expansion."

Those statements alone were like a different language to Magnus, but his lust for ancient knowledge ignited like a blazing inferno. He would absolutely have to grill both Perturabo AND his xenos companion for more information once she was.... ...*ahem* no longer indesposed.

Perturabo turned the cube over and over in his hands, reading the ornate lettering as best he could. He'd only just started learning how to read Ksakhemet; he couldn't speak it properly because he lacked the extensive Necrontyr vocal range, but the lettering started to make sense the more he plied his fantastic mind.

"It is... ...a puzzle cube. I believe."

"D'AAWWW... How sweet...!"

Perturabo punched his brother in the shoulder, but it phased through his immaterial form.

"Shut your mouth!" He could already feel the heat creeping up his neck and he HATED it. Although he had to admit he was a little touched, if amused, that Nehetari had put together such a... ...thought-out gift.

And well-thought-out it was indeed! It became clear to the Lord of Iron that this wasn't just some slide and lock, physics based puzzle toy for mortal children. It was a custom-made testing tool designed to challenge his understanding of spacial compression, sub-atomic energy transfer, and even Necrontyr cultural theory. Each segment was challenging, unique, and soon he found himself absorbed. Magnus tagged along for the ride of course, and his respect for Nehetari grew each time he heard his brother growl in frustration, or give a small "...Ha! So that's it..."

"She has... ...quite the impressive mind. Especially for a xenos."

Perturabo grunted his affirmation. "...you don't know the half of it. She makes the Hrud look like a bunch of children." With a click the puzzle changed shape in his hands again, "...I would even say she has a mind similar to ours."

"...you don't say..."

"Hmph, she's DEFINITELY smarter than Dorn. I know that for sure."

Magnus chuckled. Of course she was.

The Lord of Iron didn't realize it immediately, but the puzzle cube was meant to serve another function, not just being an intriguing mental exercise. The more he fidgeted with it, the more time passed. Not by some technomantic power or magical means; he was just so absorbed in Nehetari's gift that he didn't notice his brothers packing up their gifts and starting to drift around and away from the throne room. Magnus, realizing he wouldn't be much help with this exercise, had taken notice of the custodes' Captain General (the one they call "kitten") and had begun to chat with him. Sanguinius was now at the Emperor's side, trying to pacify an impatient and belligerent Angron who just wanted to go celebrate Khornnuka with Lotara and Kharn. Corvus had dissapeared to... ...somewhere, and Vulkan was... ....had he somehow jackknifed himself into the psychic fireplace that the Emperor created!? Russ was laughing at him and drinking himself stupid (not that he had many IQ points to lose in the first place), but thankfully nobody was paying any attention to Turbo. Huh, who'd have thought; Perturabo was actually HAPPY that he was being ignored right now.

With a satisfying ding the cube shifted again, and to his surprise, glyphs flashed indicating that this was, in fact, the final challenge.

"Let's have it then. I'm ready..." the Lord of Iron grinned. He flicked the raised pad below the text and the final task scrolled across blackstone. Surprisingly, this time it was in High Gothic.

"...who is... ...my... ...favorite... ...human?"

He stared at the screen, dumbfounded. "Really? After all that, the last puzzle, is 'who's my favorite human?' Really?"

But wait... ...was the answer actually as easy as it appeared? Perturabo wanted to put his own name, but what if he was wrong? What if he wasn't her favorite human? He was hardly even "human" in the first place. Maybe she meant a true, normal human? But if this was supposed to be a present for him, why would she blatantly make him answer that her favorite human WASN'T him. What if...

"Hey nerd, the answer's obviously you."

Perturabo jumped to see Leman Russ passing him.

"What the-! Whe-how did you... ...you can't read!" Perturabo stammered. There was no way Leman just waltzed over here...

The Wolf Lord grinned, "Hey, ye nerds aren't the only ones who know how teh learn things. If I taught meself teh read Fenrisian runes, I can teach meself teh read some wolfin' High Gothic!"

"..."

"...that and I may or may not have used some of meh own psychic powers to read yer mind. You know, teh fill in teh blanks."

Considerably less impressed, Perturabo grumbled as he keyed the letters of his name into the cube. With another ding and a flash of green light, previously invisible cracks along the cube's surface began to glow and the cube began to shift one last time. When it finished, a tiny black tray was left in its place, revealing... ...a letter? And a pict?

"What's all this now?" Leman reached towards the tray.

Perturabo snatched it away, "Fuck off Russ! This is MY gift!"

"Oooh, is this from yer GIRLFRIEND!?"

"SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!!"

"Hey fuck you Leman!" Oh boy, here comes Magnus, "Like you could ever understand the subtlety and genius that went into that puzzle box! Let him enjoy his gift in peace!"

"LeT HiM eNjOy HiS gIfT iN pEaCe!" Leman crooned. "Shut her trap and go back teh yer boyfriend, yeh big red canary."

Magnus puffed up in outrage and looked about ready to turn Leman inside out. When Perturabo noticed Sanguinius inbound, no doubt to dissolve the impending battle, he took his chance to dip out. And by "dip out" I mean grab the tray and its contents, and duck under the table. It would hide him for all of a second, but that would be as long as it would take him to read the letter.

Or it would have, if Leman hadn't, SOMEHOW, been able to reach the tray before him. He snatched up the letter, practically from between Perturabo's fingers, and with utter horror the Lord of Iron watched as his brother brandished the page, cleared his throat, and began to read:

"Perturabo..."

"FUCK YOU LEMAN THAT'S NOT YOURS!!" Magnus howled. Perturabo roared in fury. Both brothers made a mad lunge at the Wolf Lord but he dodged, shit-eating grin on his face as he continued reading.

"...Perturabo,

I'm sorry, but I...."

"....failed you?"

At the mention of the word "failed", Perturabo's onslaught faltered, as did Magnus's. Leman's grin died on his lips as he read the next line, his eyes widening for a moment before they squeezed shut. He then passed the letter back to Perturabo, mumbled a barely audible apology, turned, and without a word walked off.

"That's not what I... ...uh... ...expected?" Magnus muttered. "He looked like a kicked pup. What did that letter..."

Perturabo clutched the paper looking the most feral Magnus had ever seen him.

"...you know what, never mind. That letter's meant for you anyway." He added quickly. "I'll be in the library if you need me, brother."

And just like that, Perturabo was alone. Well, mostly; the Emperor was still there, but he was oddly quiet. Sanguinius was watching him too, but from a discreet distance.

The Lord of Iron backed up into the corner of the room, still riled up but looking a little less crazy. Once he was satisfied that NOBODY ELSE would attempt to confiscate his stuff, he finally began to read what Nehetari wrote for him.

"Perturabo,

I am sorry, but I failed you. You said you wanted your brothers' appreciation for a Sanguinala gift, but of all the ones I interviewed asking for an appreciative memory they have of you, the only ones who gave me a response were your brothers Magnus and Sanguinius. So instead I instigated a situation to make one (please reference the included image). If your brother's expressions are to be believed, then I believe they all enjoyed attacking your snow bunker. I certainly enjoyed helping you defend it.

May you have a somber and pleasant celebration,

The Mehlrose,

Nehetari of the Szarekhan Dynasty.

Heir to the Silent Throne."

...Perturabo couldn't believe it.

He's asked for that as a JOKE. He hadn't actually been serious. When she's approached him, asking what he wanted as a "Sanguinala gift," he'd been in the middle of a complicated programming script and had said that just to get the point across that he didn't want to be bothered.

Slowly, and with a shaking hand, he lifted the pict from the tray and turned it over.

And she was right. This shot must have been taken by one of her tunneling scarabs. Or maybe one of her guard as they were circling the perimeter, hurling snow and distracting Russ. But however it was taken, somehow it was able to get a perfect shot of every primarch, including himself and Nehetari, hurling fucking snow or getting completely dunked on, but every single one of them had varying degrees of stupid fucking grin on their faces. Even Corvus was smiling!

It struck him: had that been her plan all along?

Minutes passed, and finally the Emperor himself spoke up. "My son, you're shaking like a Dark Elder nightclub on a Tuesday."

Perturabo didn't hear him. It took everything he had just to hold the pict in his trembling hands.

Why? Why. Why would she bother. How did she... ...why, why, why WHY? HOW!? When did she even have the TIME to plan this out!? There was no way. And not for him. Why? Why for him? And ALL OF THEM. How could she have known they would ALL come?

"Brother, are you ok?"

Perturabo snapped out of the loop to see the Angel standing beside him with a hand on his shoulder. He hadn't realized just how loudly his two hearts had been thundering, how BADLY his whole body had been shaking, until he felt that steadying touch. Instinctively he tried to regain control over his mind and body, and stowed the pict away in his belt.

Sanguinius asked no questions; he simply nodded.

"I'm going to find her..." Perturabo's voice sounded like sandpaper. He could feel the tears rolling down his neck, but he ignored them. "...I don't care if she FUCKING KILLS me; I am going to find her. She has no right.... ...she had no right to... ...to..."

"...go ahead brother." Sanguinius's smile was warm with understanding.

Salvaging what little dignity he felt he had left, Perturabo straightened up, turned on his heel, and walked shakily out of the throne room. He disappeared into the darkness, leaving his father and his brothers to stare after him in wonder.

(Sorry this is such a long post, but I started writing it and just went to town. I wanted to SHOW, rather than just tell, the kinds of things Nehetari does for the individuals that are important to her)

@gracia-regina @ask-a-scheming-sorcerer @luwupercal

#perturabo #nehetari #sanguinius #magnus the red #the emperor of mankind #leman russ #if the emperor had a text to speech device #tts #tts universe #necrontyr princess #warhammer 40k #wh40k #more oc shenanigans #asks #fuukonomiko

35 notes · View notes

wroammin · 4 years

Text

a hero’s welcome

word count: 1445

warnings: self-loathing, panic attacks, crying, slight gore (because remus)

summary: roman hides out in his room after the events of putting others first. the other sides try to show him how much he’s missed in their own special ways.

once again, happy birthday to the man, the myth, the himbo: roman sanders

it takes weeks for roman to come out of his room after janus reveals his name.

the others worry almost constantly about his well-being, but after multiple failed attempts at convincing him to come out for movie nights, video recordings, or even just food, they can only hope that roman will come around on his own eventually.

and he does. slowly.

it starts with a few missing disney movies from the TV cabinet, a half-eaten jar of logan’s off-limits crofter’s (which both logan & remus swear they did not touch) left mysteriously on the kitchen counter, and then, on one particularly late night for logan, a brief, silent encounter with a bleary-eyed prince in search of a cup of water.

logan notices roman is looking more bedraggled than bedazzled, with wrinkles running all across his costume and dark-colored bags under his eyes that are eerily reminiscent of virgil’s eyeshadow.

no words are exchanged, but as logan carefully hands roman a glass which he’s filled nearly to the brim, roman knows no words are necessary. he can practically recite logan’s self-care spiel by memory anyway.

eventually, the disney movie collection in the TV cabinet dwindles down to a Frozen DVD (which they’d all recently rewatched anyway), and the old, dusty VHS copy of Black Cauldron (which roman’s never particularly liked). seeing as it’s his personal favorite disney movie, virgil tries not to feel too offended by that.

what virgil can’t stop himself from feeling, however, is worry. it’s not an unfamiliar feeling to him, of course, but it doesn’t make him any less uncomfortable.

he tries all of the usual things to calm his nerves: sitting on strange surfaces, fiddling with a fidget cube, rewatching The Nightmare Before Christmas, napping excessively, and—naturally—blasting music through his bulky headphones.

but even with My Chemical Romance screaming out of his speakers, virgil simply can’t ignore the alarming absence of that familiar, sash-framed figure.

despite his quarrelsome quips with the prince, virgil can admit that there’s always been a certain... comfort to hearing roman’s boisterous voice belting broadway ballads down the halls, or seeing him dash off on another adventure to defeat the dragon witch for the umpteenth time.

it’s when virgil’s sullenly staring at roman’s usual spot, in the corner of his room, that an idea suddenly strikes him.

the next morning, roman sneaks down to the living room in the early hours of the day after deciding that rewatching Frozen (again) doesn’t sound so bad after all. he opens the movie cabinet to find a bit of a surprise in the form of a The Nightmare Before Christmas DVD with a scrap of paper taped hastily to the cover. the chicken scratch scrawled onto the sheet is hard to decipher, but he manages to see it reads:

“i have my own backup copy and i’ll hit play at 8pm tonight. you can do it too, so then we can sort of watch the movie together. i’ll let you pick tomorrow’s movie, if you want to, but fyi i will be picking black cauldron the next time it’s my turn. -virgil”

roman smiles subtly as he makes his way back up to his room, the first flicker of joy he’s felt in a while.

he sits down to watch the movie at 8pm, just like virgil instructed.

for the next night, he chooses aladdin, and for the night after that, he begrudgingly agrees to watch black cauldron.

twenty minutes into the film, virgil hears a haste knock at his door. before he even knows what’s happening, roman is shuffling inside and curling up on the couch next to him.

unsurprisingly, the tired prince falls asleep before the movie finishes. surprisingly, virgil doesn’t actually mind all that much.

meanwhile, patton has nearly eaten his way through the entire cookie stock in the pantry.

it’s not a healthy coping mechanism for his sadness, he knows, but it’s not like he can just go and ask roman to conjure up some puppies for him instead. patton sniffles at the thought, which serves as a painful reminder of how roman was always there for him when he was feeling down, and how patton can’t do the same for him now.

the others hold an intervention for him after logan finds him sobbing over some reheated spaghetti because it made him think of roman. virgil then explains how he’s been watching movies with roman, and how patton can leave some snacks for the prince in the cabinet along with a note if he wants to send a message.

that very night, patton stays up past midnight to prepare some spaghetti with extra, extra love (& cumin) for roman. he draws him a card and writes a message inside, then sticks it to the top of the tupperware container containing the spaghetti using glitter glue.

upon discovering patton’s care package beside virgil’s usual note inside the cabinet, roman feels his mood suddenly shift.

he thinks of the days he spent sobbing for hours inside of his room and staring in the mirror and pacing back and forth and staring in the mirror and laying on his bed and staring in the mirror and working through the tears and staring in the mirror and then slicing a line clean through the mirror with his sword and watching his reflection split in two.

those weren’t good days.

but then he thinks of patton’s pleading, hopeful voice whenever he would call him down for movie nights, video recordings, or food.

maybe patton wasn’t lying when he said roman was loved. maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to see him and the others out in the open again. maybe there were better days ahead.

remus, however, doesn’t wait around for roman to feel better. as always, he continuously swings by his brother’s room whenever he feels like it and leaves whenever he pleases.

still, his visits aren’t as fun anymore. perhaps he just doesn’t have the energy, but roman no longer bothers to shriek at remus to get out of his room or to push remus off his desk when he drapes himself across it.

not even the severed, mutilated head that remus kindly leaves on roman’s pillow elicits its usual slew of creative curse words, so the duke decides to step up his game.

he skips casually into roman’s room one late afternoon, lazily swinging his morning star at his side and whistling a jaunty tune. as usual, roman doesn’t spare him a single glance. he’s staring down at some kind of crayon-covered card.

it only takes one hit to knock roman out, but dragging him into the living room is a much more difficult process.

the other sides are already waiting, just like janus promised they would be. they rush over and prop roman up on the couch. patton gives remus a few reprimanding words, virgil sends him a couple scowls, and even logan looks on with more disapproval than usual, but they quickly forget their anger at him as soon as roman groans groggily and slowly blinks open his eyes.

remus takes that as his cue to leave. janus is waiting at the top of the stairs.

“so you’re sure that this plan of yours is going to work?”

janus scoffs. “of course i am. though, have you considered that perhaps you’re just not as annoying to your brother anymore?”

“have you considered that perhaps i could start leaving chopped heads on your pillow instead if your ‘master plan’ fails?” remus shoots him the prettiest, toothiest smile he can muster.

janus’ expression darkens. “well. i suppose it’s a good thing i’m certain it will work, then.”

the sound of laughter bubbles up from the living room. janus doesn’t bother to hide his satisfied smirk.

“i’ll say, when you told me you could help me get roman back to normal, forcing him to attend a party was not what i had in mind.”

“do i even want to know what you had in mind?” janus gives him a quick side glance.

remus’ eyes light up. “well–”

“rhetorical question, remus. ugh, maybe i should start saying ‘figuratively’, as well. anyway, yes, i thought it was about time roman stopped sulking. so, what better way to get him out of his room than by having a, uh, hero’s welcome of sorts for him?”

“well, i got him out of his room by dragging him by his feet.”

janus sighs, wondering why he even opens his mouth to speak anymore.

his plan better work.

though, judging by the sound of patton and logan’s exhasperated sighs as roman and virgil argue over which movie to watch, he has the sneaking suspicion it will.

#me looking at the warnings on this like hm yes. this is totally fluffy birthday material #also if anyone has any idea what’s going in this lmk because i have No idea and i’ve read it like thirty times #and remember to roast me for any typos you find #sanders sides #thomas sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #remus sanders #patton sanders #janus sanders #roman angst #bullet fic #sanders sides fanfiction #fanfic #emma’s stuff #crying #long post

327 notes · View notes

lovely-necromancy · 3 years

Text

A Cure for Insomnia CH.5

A scream shocks you out of your fuzzy thoughts. You look around and notice Connor sitting alert and looking like he wants to run down the hallway this very instant.

“Connor?” the head snaps to you immediately and before you can even question his presence in your home he jumps up and barks then walks in circles near the door.

Great a dog who has no sense of horror movie tropes. Since the scream did come from inside your house you should go find the person who made it and see what's wrong. Also maybe get clarification on why they're in your home. You aren't dead and are still in the same clothes so you figure you're alright around them. You follow Connor to where Toby is, in your kitchen staring out the window standing at a very odd angle. Like he caught himself before he fell backwards but hadn't bothered to get up.

“What's up....oh.” is all you can say as you see Chonk's head whip towards you and Connor before he books it for the tree line. Damn that fat raccoon can run fast, good to know if he ever wants to chase you down in the future. Which he might if you don't leave his slice of pizza out today.

“'oh' 'oh', that's all yo-you've got to say about a giant fuck-ing ra-mrrow- raccoon!?!” maybe thinking this guy was composed and unphased was a misconception, if seeing Chonk has put his world views in question.

“I mean he probably just eats a lot of pizza.” to put it simply you never gave much thought to the fat little trash thief, he was just fat and he existed. Visiting your home for the slice he deemed his every other week. Probably had other homes in Kepler he terrorized for the same reasons. God knows Leo would never put up with a raccoon trashing his store for his pizza. Or even his home for that matter.

“He's nearly half the size of Connor!” looking down towards Connor you tilt your head.

“Are we talking about with his legs or just his torso?” you could maybe see the size comparison with the dog's body but with his height it was a different matter all together.

Toby rolls his eyes before going and sitting down at the small breakfast table where he seemed to have found your fidget cube and had been well fidgeting with it. You take the seat opposite of him, it's weird having a guest over especially when you didn't invite them in. Well now that removes the chances of him being a vampire you suppose.

Perfect not a kidnapper, nor a vampire, and he's helped you out twice now. The two of you might well be on your way to becoming best friends. That is if he could get past this episode of yours.

“I still don't know what happened last night, but I'm done with the freak out.” you say as you idly pet Connor.

“...What?” he's squinting at you trying to get a read on how anyone bounces back from something like that so calmly in a matter of hours. Especially when he'd been checking up on you and Connor only to see you still staring off into space.

“Oh, uh... I have Autism. Isn't good for much but helps me rationalize events quicker and move past emotional and mental breakdowns pretty quick too.”

“Is that an Autism thing?” you shrug at his question as he jerks his shoulders forwards a few times.

“Probably more of a me thing, but I've read the trait tends to be more common in those of us who are neurodivergent.”

You hear a murmur of telling someone later later. Filing that away to take note of another day you stare at Toby who in turn stares back. This goes on for a bit, you couldn't even classify it as a staring contest since you are both still blinking occasionally. You aren't really sure if you should say 'thank you' first and then ask the man what he's doing in your home or wait for him to break the silence. But as you stare at Toby, into his eyes, you get the feeling this man is more of a zombie than anything else. The type to drag along and go at a snails pace rather than get into the messy bits in one go...ironic choice for comparison.

“Thank you for driving me home...but why are you still here?” you hear a huff of laughter?

“You weren't really in a position...” knuckles pop “to be left alone. What if you got back into your car again?” his eyes cut and there's a bit of bite to his words...it wasn't directed towards you, you can feel that much.

“Fair enough.” you glance at the stove and see the clock shine a little before six. “Would you like some breakfast” his neck snaps to the left triggering your own to snap as well, “or a ride home?” you finish asking.

“Can you make something for Connor too? Don't trust you behind the wheel yet.”

“Oh sure! What does he normally eat?” Perking up at the thought of the dog being off duty, that means actual pets!

“He-mrrow- normally gets oatmeal with some fruit or veg and anything raw I can find.” He finishes with a whistle for Connor's attention, and then a pointed finger flipping down in front of him. The dog trots over and sits down, while Toby takes off the vest you look through your cupboards to find the rolled oats you'd gotten as incentive to eat in the mornings before realizing you only liked them on certain days.

“So what does Tobias normally eat?” you call out as you look for some honey you know you threw in the cupboards.

“Anything really. I don't do slimy textures or anything watery.”

“Watery? Like soups?” Found a can of pumpkin, it's still in date too, perfect.

“Watery like...when you put too much water in oatmeal.” He nods when you silently show him the can of pumpkin asking if that'd be fine for his boy, who is sitting down drooling from his smiling face as Toby tussles his ears.

“Ahhh, thin watery got it.” You hear movement and a few grunts from Toby as you assume he tics, trying to ignore them so they won't trigger your own you look through the fridge. You suddenly take a deep breath, while looking for a meat in your fridge, and let out a shrill trill. Kinda sounds like a Togepi's cry from the cartoon. Shaking your head your eyes catch the eggs and turkey sausages you have.

“Will turkey sausage and eggs work for you two?”

“Never had turkey sausage but it should be fine.” he's leaning forward resting his head in his arms on the table as Connor lays by his bouncing feet.

You set the eye to medium heat and put the sausages on first, leaving three out for Connor. He is a big dog after all. You turned your focus on preparing Connor's oatmeal while the sausages cooked. It was kinda nice having company over even though the circumstances weren't the best. Your neck jerks to the side three times before pulling back. There's more on the way your neck didn't crack and your body doesn't let up until it does.

“So what disorder do you have?” You turn to give Toby a confused look you hope he can read through your mask.

“...I have a few..you want the list?”

“No, the tics. Lower level Tourettes or what?”

“Oh, they stem from my” head jerking twice to the side before cracking “there we go.” “Sorry, they stem from my Autism, at least that's the best I can gather without seeing a specialist. Virginia doctors suck big time.”

“Tell me about it.” that perks you right up, you knew you caught a transatlantic accent, it's pretty much the lack of an accent that gives Virginians away so easily. You already have two guesses on where Toby came from.

“I knew it, you're from Halifax aren't you?!” Since you've turned around to face him you see the exact moment his face drops. Eyes shocked wide open.

“How...did”

“Oh it's easy once you know what to listen for, in fact it was the total lack of any distinguishing accent or use of slang that gave you a way. A lot of people don't notice what they take from their communities linguistically speaking. And for us Virginians it's what we don't take. It's such a bland neutral midpoint it's why it had been so coveted during the radio era and while we might've lost the in-fluctuations as time went by, no longer needing them for our voices to be heard over various frequencies....am I talking too much you can tell me to shut up, really you won't hurt my feelings.” you give Toby a minute to process everything you've just said.

“Special interest?”

“mmm, more a...an interesting factoid.” you hope he registers your smile, hell you hope he doesn't think you're weird. You know how much you can be sometimes, especially when you info dump or overshare information. He manages to nod along with you before finding his voice again.

“Lemme guess NOVA?”

“Pfft, seriously.” you really need him to at least register the disgust on your face if he hasn't been able to read you before, “Listen the Beach isn't much better but I'd probably off myself if I was from NOVA.”

“A public service really.”

You both stare at each other before breaking into a fit of laughter. It's nothing huge but it does seem to put Toby more at ease you noticed. In the time it took you to make breakfast for all three of you you've found out a little bit more about Toby.

He's uncomfortable talking about his hometown, at least you assume, so instead he mentions that he recently came to town with his friends, Brian and Tim. Talks mostly about Connor and you learn he's to help alert Toby of his Tourettes when driving and he can even detect seizures with Brian. That's amazing, service dogs have sure come a long way! And you love hearing what a silly puppy Connor is off duty, it makes you smile. Toby in turn asks about you, and you are such a well of stories. You tell him about your family back on the coast, about your recent move to Kepler, give him a little info on Kepler to help him adjust to his stay, and even get on the topic of your extensive work with animals.

“Sounds like you were working towards being a trainer, why didn't you?”

Making a sound that sort of sounds like a jumbled 'I dunno', “Sort of don't like people that much. Dogs are fine, less complex and less likely to complain when you do something in a different way. But a trainer doesn't train the dog, they train the people.” You're placing Connor's food in front of him as he sits patiently.

It's quiet for a moment as you place a plate in front of Toby and set yours down as well. Not tense just quiet, it's very calming really. Until Toby ruins it.

“Thanks Connor.”

Like he's a voice actor who is over exaggerating the sound effects of a dog munching away at their bowl. Connor inhales harshly before diving head first into the bowl. The dog is ferociously tearing into his breakfast and you can't help the laughter that spills from you at his enthusiasm. Hands coming up near your face and shaking as you shift from foot to foot. It's a happy stim, cute dogs are of course a trigger, someone can complain later you're happy to see a happy excited pup any day.

Taking your seat and turning your attention to your food, you see Toby hasn't touched his own. He's staring at the plate with a furrowed brow, he glances up to you as you remove your mask. You feel a bit vulnerable to be honest.

“Oh is something wrong? Do you want something else?” He's a guest who's helped you twice now the least you can do is make sure he leaves your home full.

It takes a moment but he gathers his thoughts to explain, “I have a scar...it's pretty bad.” he looks away from you.

You tilt your head not quiet understanding what he means, “Cool story, do you want me to look away?”

He stalls at this, you just keep throwing him for a loop since you met the other day. While he thinks on it you scoop some of your eggs on your spoon and into your mouth. Perfect texture and prefect flavor, today will be good.

Toby seems to have made his decision and without any show he takes his mask off to begin eating. You can see the scar he was talking about, and while the currently red and bleeding'?!' scar on the left corner of his mouth was bad it wasn't much compared to the gaping hole further up that side on his cheek. You can clearly see the even whiter, how this boy is so pale is beyond you, skin around the edges suggesting the wound was older and had started to heal at some point. But you could see most of the teeth on the left side of his mouth. You've never seen these teeth while they were still in the head. A skull or 3D model yea. But never a living breathing person's head. It's fascinating really, you hadn't even noticed that you finished your breakfast as you watched him eat, you were so enthralled.

“You know your lip's bleeding right?” eyes never leaving the boy's teeth as you see them grind down the eggs into the tiniest particles. Neat!

“Rwhatf?” the way he can talk with his mouth full without spilling it from the hole is fucking magic and you won't hear another word on it.

He takes a drink of water, again it doesn't spill. Then you notice the slight tilt of his head...oh he's had practice doing this. Impressive honestly.

“That's what you choose to comment on?” his eyes narrow at you're still gawking form.

“I'm sorry I've just never seen those type of teeth still in head, normally muscle and...and skin cover them. So this is really cool to see them in action!” gosh you're so damn weird. By his stupefied expression Toby seems to think so too.

“Plus the wound looks healed but the lips look fresh,” you get up and grab a few paper towels bringing them over to offer to Toby, “Not to mention it's bleeding and you haven't once wiped it.”

He doesn't reply as he takes the napkins from you and dabs at his scarred lip, looking back and seeing blood just as you said. He was right when he thought he'd been biting himself a few hours ago. He'd totally forgotten to check after getting you home.

“Well I don't feel it so I didn't know actually.” he just resumes eating as if this conversation didn't happen.

“Didn't, didn't, didn't” you get stuck in a loop for a bit before breaking out “you didn't feel it? What do you have congenital insensitivity to pain?” you ask incredulously.

“I haven't heard it called that since I got diagnosed.” still eating he looks at you through his long eyelashes.

This dude could not be a real person. You had to have been imagining your dream friend. Everything you learned about Toby was more interesting than the last...at least for you it was.

“Medical history podcasts are interesting.” you shrug, “should I get the first aid kit?” at his shrug you get up and go to your bathroom to retrieve the kit.

Coming back into the kitchen you catch Toby lowering your plates for Connor to lick clean. You don't see a problem with it but you will wash everything twice since the pup has slobbered on nearly everything anyway. When you don't say anything he lets Connor continue before placing the dishes in your sink.

“Such a big help” you say patting Connor's head as you pass him, “Yea I really am” Toby says as he sits back down. Propping his arm up on the table to rest his head on his knuckles, it was such a fluid and casual motion. As if he's sat at this table everyday of his life, like this was his home and you were his guest. Tied in with how comfy he is man spreading at your kitchen table you'd say he made himself at home just fine.

You smile and scoot your chair next to him first aid kit in between you on the table. Toby looks between you and the kit before leaning in closer for you to work. Grabbing the antiseptic cleaning towels you go to wipe Toby's lip when he flinches away. Probably faking to see your reaction.

“Oh, fuck off you have CIPA.” you laugh grabbing his chin to keep him in place. He rolls his eyes “And you're weird.” The vibrations feel weird against your fingers.

“I know.” you continue cleaning the small bite mark? Well he does have CIPA he wouldn't be able to feel the pain if he was gnawing at his lips. Would he be able to taste the metallic tang of his blood or were taste buds effected by the disorder too? You might need to do another deep dive on this, it just became relevant. Maybe an anxious tic, judging from the larger wound it could be possible. Wearing a mask must help to hide it but not not to stop it getting worse if no one can call you out on it.

“That wasn't an insult...” he says making you look up into his eyes as you dry the wound, “I know.” You smile down at him, knowing this time he can see it on your maskless face.

When you finished cleaning his wounded lips, you drove Toby and Connor back to their home. Which turned out to be the RV at the forgotten entrance of the forest. Toby had been a little wary you knew where he was talking about but seemed to shake it off just as quick when you mentioned hiking a lot and using that entrance because it was the closest to you.

He had put Connor's vest back on and hopped in the back with him. You noticed from the review that Connor's full attention was on you.

“This set up let's him focus on the driver, so he'll tell us if something will impede your driving.” Well that explains Brian's position the first time you four met.

Nodding you sync you phone with the car's bluetooth and pass it to Toby with spotify open.

“Rules of the road, passenger picks music.” you say simply when he questioned it.

He quickly clicked your last playlist. Probably either too lazy to find something or trying to get a better read on you. Music says a lot about a person even if not everyone thinks that way. And unfortunately for you this playlist screams mental illness and a need for therapy. But you have folk punk. So who needs therapy when you can just scream cry these lyrics.

Toby doesn't comment on it, either just totally apathetic or maybe he likes it. He's a bit of an enigma, he's open and honest for the most part but saves his opinions unless directly asked.

Even after making it to the RV without incident Toby tries to distract you for a bit and tempt you out of the car with the possibility of playing with Connor. As fun as the idea sounds and as much as you don't want to be rude, you're very tired and drained. Probably more from “hanging out” with Toby this morning than your actual episode last night. Plus you understand Toby's just trying to be nice and maybe ensure your safety.

“Could I maybe rain-check? I'm actually really tired.” you say with your most polite smile, though he can't see it through the mask you know he sees the crinkle of your eyes.

“Sure, just get home safe.” you feel that's less about you, but you aren't sure what the hanging subject is. So cryptic.

“Yup,” you chirp, “See you later Tobias!” as you start to back out back onto the road you hear Toby say “ Later YN.”

Driving off you can't keep the smile off of your face. Toby's a nice guy, you hope you get to spend more time with him. And this time the thought isn't centered around also hanging out with Connor. Just about enjoying Toby's company.

Getting home and locking your door you strip your jeans and flannel, leaving you only in your muscle tee, and curl up in your unkempt sheets. You'll do laundry later, right now was time for a little nap.

#ticci tobyx reader #ticci toby #ticcitoby #hoodie x reader #masky x reader #timothy wright x reader #brain thomas x reader #reader insert #mask #hoodie #timothy wright x brian thomas #timothy wright #brian thomas #creepypasta fanfic #A cure for insomnia

18 notes · View notes

subtlereferencetomyinterests · 4 years

Text

A Misplaced Imbalance of Fear

Ao3, MasterPost

Relationships: Romantic Dukexiety, implied/minor Moceit (platonic or romantic)

From the power of my Art and my Shitposts comes This Fanfiction!!!

Warnings: Panic Attacks, Lots of Cursing, descriptions of gore (horror movies, it gets decently explicit so beware that), mild body horror (Remus is here and he Does Things Like That), Heavy Roman angst for a hot minute in the middle, making out (continuing my theme of remus-centric fics getting more ;3). They do some makeup and drink tea, baby. Mentions of picking one’s skin as an Anxious habit, and also ticking. Also stimming!!! nd sides 4 life bb. Also, a very brief alcohol mention (it’s soup).

Word Count: 6,553

God Fucking Fuck, Virgil was going to have a self-care day even if it killed him dead. Everybody else could do whatever overdramatic fuckery they wanted when they were topside, but he was all set down there in the Mindpalace, thank you very much.

Luckily, mercifully, thankfully, the rest of the sides all seemed keen to let Virgil have his space anyway. There wasn’t a thing stopping him from relaxing.

Well, except for himself, of course.

A thrum of condensed stress and fear tugged at Virgil’s abdomen, bubbling its way over his edges. It was equally his own and the others’, probably due to whatever conversation they were caught up in in the external world. He would not relent to the worry, nor was he summoned to help with the situation, but his body refused to stop shaking. Perched on the top of the couch, frantically clicking the buttons on a fidget cube, Virgil tried to watch the gore playing on the TV in a tired effort to calm his nerves.

Horror movies… helped. They were something for his brain to chew on for a while- their over-the-top and ridiculous plots, the obnoxious characters that almost always deserve what’s coming to them, the attention-attaining action- it was all a recipe for Distraction. But they weren’t working by that point, no matter how badly Virgil wanted them to.

And then- possibly because the universe loved to spite Virgil and Virgil specifically- a walking, talking headache flung himself into the common room about as elegantly as a wolfhound with rabies.

“Heyyyy,” Remus crowed as he sprawled himself out on the couch. Anxiety curled his legs closer under his body, unresponsive- he knew full well that any reaction would just be an invitation for trouble from the obnoxious trait. He’d remember what Logan taught them: don’t engage, just brush it all off.

Unfortunately, Remus seemed to be in a stubborn mood.

“Whatcha watching?”

“Movie,” Virgil grumbled.

“What movie?”

He eyed the side laying out on the couch below him, narrowing his gaze as threateningly as he could manage. He spat the words through gritted teeth and made it clear he was not having this today.

“It’s called Terrifier.”

Remus perked up at that, and oh God, if he was interested then he’d never go the fuck away.

“What’s it about?”

There wasn’t much Virgil could do but answer in as clipped a tone as he could; things hadn’t gotten too bad, too uncomfortable, yet. Maybe he could redirect Remus’ attention, if he was just boring and unresponsive enough?

“Just a cliche creepy clown flick. Not much to it.”

“Is it gory?”

Virgil made a vaguely affirmative sound in his throat, gesturing to the screen. In truth, the movie’s impeccable special effects with gore was its main appeal, as the acting and plot was kinda atrocious. Violence was the exact reason he’d chosen to watch this. But he knew saying that wouldn’t help his chances of shaking off Intrusive Thoughts.

Remus looked ready to spout off something explicit, but he went dead quiet as his eyes fell on the scene on the television. Virgil was grateful for small mercies.

It was exactly the kind of thing that the creative trait would watch, after all; a woman getting sawed in half, lengthwise, starting from the- er, the wrong end. Under circumstances of a more typical anxious flare-up, the scene really could have been one of those ‘helpful distractions’.

These were not normal circumstances.Yeah, this was one of those ‘too passive’ cases, but Virgil didn’t exactly have the energy for anything ‘active’. So, he stubbornly glared at the TV and pretended that his solution was working, because he had no idea what else to do. Perfect plan.

Preoccupied as he was with his internal issues, he very nearly managed to forget about Remus. Until-

“Holy fuck, this is gorgeous, you watch stuff like this?!” The Duke’s eyes were bright, but not with his usual hysteria. They were wide with genuine excitement, shiny and happy. It was- uncanny, that’s probably the word Virgil was looking for. He curled closer in on himself.

“Shouldn’t be that surprising, dude. ‘Scary’ is kind of my thing.”

“I can’t believe I haven’t seen this one,” the creative side was once again completely enamored by the television screen, “Don’t blood and guts and cool things like that freak you out? They always seem to do the trick when I try to mess with you!”

“It’s different. The violence in movies, it- it calms me down, I guess. Cause it’s like, I don’t know, detached from reality?”

There was a pause that had Virgil hoping, naively, that Remus had grown bored at his spiel. But he wasn’t moving, he was just staring, gaze switching contemplatively from the screen to Virgil a few times over.

“It doesn’t look like that. If you were any more tense, all your tendons would be snapping like badly-tuned violin strings!”

“Yeah, no shit,” Virgil pressed his back against the wall and shut his eyes tight. He could still hear- no, feel- Patton and Roman and Thomas arguing, snapping at each other back and forth as the situation escalated.

“Is this about whatever the others are doing? Why don’t you just stop listening to their shitty arguments?”

A harsh laugh escaped Virgil at that, dragging him back down to earth so he could blink his eyes open, glaring at the facet lying beneath him.

“I can’t just stop, that’s not how I work. I need to keep an ear on them. Who knows what could happen if I didn’t?”

“Well, why don’t you just go talk to them?”

If he wasn’t already frustrated beyond belief, that would’ve fuckin’ done it for him.

“I don’t think I’d be much help. Not right now.”

“Why not?” Remus looked halfway between genuinely curious and mischievous, propping himself up on his elbows to get a better view of Anxiety.

“Seriously? Things aren’t exactly, like- normal between all of us.”

“What is normal?”

Virgil opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came through. As much as it sounded like an offhanded, edgy 13-year-old atheist kind of remark, it was a decent point. Virgil had thought that there was something of a status quo forming between himself and the ‘light sides’, but how long had that even lasted for? Especially compared to the rest of his life? Everything was changing all the time. Was there anything to rely on, or was it just Virgil’s own wishful thinking for what their lives could be? After all, even in ‘peaceful times’, there had been plenty of in-fighting and disagreements and horrible uncomfortable conversations and harsh words and-

“Oh, shut that brain up,” Remus’ sharp voice pulled Virgil from his thoughts, “I know what you meant ‘normal’. You meant the six months when you got to forget about us Scary Monsters, and, DUH! It was probably way simpler for all you diet-soda-no-sugar sluts back then, but that doesn’t mean it was better.”

“Yeah, you would think that things are better now, wouldn’t you?”

Remus fixed Virgil with an unsettling sort of grimace, making the other squirm. It wasn’t the first time he’d done so by any means.

“I dunno, but what I do know is that things are getting better. They’ll be the best they could be, soon.”

Despite himself, Virgil laughed. It was a faltering, anxious sound, revealing the true fear behind the taunting gesture.

“Really? With everybody at each other’s throats all the time?”

“While that does sound fun,” Remus sat up fully, twisting around to look directly up at Virgil, “I mean after that. After we’re all accepted. It’s inevitable- Inevitable, Anxious Lil’ Barista,” Remus accompanied the referential nickname with a wink.

Virgil stared at him like he was crazy (well- like- crazier than usual, he guessed?). Remus just threw his head back and laughed before spinning his neck one-hundred and eighty degrees to face the TV while he explained.

“Point is, it’s painfully obvious that everything will sort itself out. It has to, or else the only other option is that Thomas is gonna drive himself insane by trying to suppress parts of himself and end up clawing his own brain out. One of those two things!”

While colorfully phrased, the certainty with which Remus delivered his point had Virgil taken aback. There was no way that Remus could possibly know that, but- in a backwards way it was comforting, how sure he sounded. He didn’t lie, not ever.

Virgil had never thought that Remus would settle for anything less than going out of his way to make others’ lives a hell. But maybe that antagonism wasn’t what exactly motivated the trait’s actions. Maybe it was just an unintentional side effect, akin to what Logan had said when Remus first revealed himself.

The moment of reprieve was over as soon as it began.

“Fuck! He just cut off her tits and wore ‘em, huh?”

Virgil looked up and, to be fair, that was exactly what had happened on screen. Like he said, this movie wasn’t exactly poetic cinema, but it certainly was something.

He scooted along the top of the couch, moving just a few feet before dropping down to sit properly beside Remus.

“3/10 drag look at best, really,” Virgil muttered, mostly to himself. He jumped when Remus shrieked with laughter at it, looking absolutely delighted.

“I didn’t know you made jokes like that, VeeVee!”

Virgil shrugged noncommittally, focusing on the screen and not the facet beside him. Remus’ giggling was loud and distracting, but it wasn’t… unpleasant, unlike his typical villain-cackle was.

Once Remus had settled down (as much as somebody like him could, anyway), he, too, focused on watching. The quiet was uncomfortable, but it didn’t stretch on for long. There was always something in the movie that The Duke felt the need to comment upon extensively, elaborating and giving details on the gore. Virgil found himself listening to the rants silently, almost enjoying the disruption. It certainly gave his overactive mind something to play around with.

“-skin doesn’t slice as easy as that, trust me-”

Aaaand there it was. Virgil winced, trying very hard not to show that the words had struck a nerve. He liked horror, gore, all that, sure, but there were just some specific things- squicks, you could call them. Remus would obviously use that to his advantage, so the only option was to try very hard to zone out and not look like he was disturbed.

“But even then- Hey, why are you making that face?”

Mission failed.

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

Remus shifted closer- invasively closer, his gaze studying.

“You were calming down earlier, what's with the scrunch-nose?”

Virgil stared at his hands, chipping away his black nail polish. Remus was nearly as good at reading lies as Janus, and twice as hard to get rid of.

“It's just- skin, slicing, that stuff just-” he ticked, head spasming sideways briefly at even the thought of that kind of pain.

“Oh,” Remus said plainly, not even a hint of malice or mischief in his tone as he leaned back into his own spot, “Why didn't you just say so? Well, that last exploding head kill is way more interesting anyway, did you see that?”

That was… it? No taunting, no tormenting, he just changed the topic, like that?

Remus, continuing to be weirdly perceptive, scoffed as though he was reading Virgil’s mind.

“What? Just because I like screwing with you prudes sometimes doesn't mean I want to give you a panic attack. Where's the fun in that?”

Anxiety nodded mutely, bewildered. Remus seemed appeased by that and quickly resumed his running commentary.

And if Virgil eventually decided to take part in the discussion, well, it wasn’t a big deal anyway. Just some polite conversation about bodily mutilation.

The television darkened as the screen was washed by credits, filling the space where the disfigured face of the main character had been mere moments prior, the result of a pretty predictable twist ending. Virgil stood, arching his back up in a stretch. His arms raised higher, one joint or another crackling at the motion. Fuck, he was sore. How long had he been sitting still?

Remus hadn’t moved from his spot on the couch. He tapped his claws along the remote, exiting to the homescreen and looking expectantly at Virgil.

“You don't wanna watch anything else?” He asked abruptly, drawing a confused glance from his companion, “This is fun- and they're still arguing up there, so it kinda makes sense to stay, it’s really the best solution if you-”

Virgil huffed a laugh at the rambling. It sounded like some shit he’d say, for crying out loud.

“Dude, chill, I was just gonna make some tea before putting on another movie,” the clear relief that ran across Remus' face- quickly replaced by a wide grin- wasn't anything shy of… sweet. Virgil was sure this day couldn't get any fucking weirder, if he was finding anything endearing about the walking talking dirty joke before him. “Uh, you want anything? Since you're gonna stick around, and all.”

Remus jumped up, following Virgil into the MindPalace’s small kitchen happily. In one smooth motion, he swung up onto the counter and slid down it, seating himself almost on top of the stove.

“No hot leaf soup for me, thanks, but I will take one of those mugs!”

Virgil raised a brow, staring the creative trait down before shrugging. He passed him one of the mugs, a generic and patternless one- so that the other sides probably wouldn't notice its absence. He busied himself by setting up the kettle, trying not to wince at the loud wet crunch that resulted when Remus took a bite of his snack.

“Hey,” Remus said around a mouthful of ceramic chunks, “I know just the movie we should watch next.”

Virgil shifted around the various tea boxes littering the cabinets, searching for something with a kick. He hazarded a glance to Remus, immediately regretting the decision when he saw the blood dribbling down his chin from the cuts marring his lips. Anxiety cringed, turning his head back and grabbing for the first brightly-colored box he saw. It took him a moment to respond.

“Okay… what is it?”

“It's awful- I mean, really, the acting is unbearable and it’s fucking insane- but it's funny. You like making fun of stuff, right? It's like that, but there's still a ton of agonizing death, which is always a fun bonus.”

“What's it about?” Virgil was hesitantly intrigued, his gaze flicking up from the steadily heating kettle. He wasn't exactly keen on staring down the gory scene of Remus’ mouth, so he settled his focus on the trait’s eyeball brooch.

“Uhn-uhn! No spoilers, this is one you have to see for yourself. It's funnier that way.”

Virgil made a noncommittal sound, tapping his nails against the counters.

“Nothing too bad happens- not that you can't handle, anyway. No slicing and not many jumpscares.”

He resisted the urge to snap 'how do you know what I can’t handle?' because Remus actively trying to reassure him was. Something. Something that he appreciated, maybe, a little.

“Okay, fine. I didn't have anything else in mind. A ‘So-Bad-It’s-Good’ thing sounds alright.”

The obnoxious gnawing of Remus destroying what was left of his cup suddenly ceased, replaced by a stunned silence. Virgil finally met his eyes (finding that the lacerations around Remus’ mouth were already healing themselves, as if they'd never existed).

“You’re taking my suggestion?”

Virgil cleared his throat, finding himself unable to break the intense eye-contact now that it had been established.

“It's not a big deal or anything, man. Just a movie.”

Remus nodded enthusiastically, a grin splitting his face ear-to-ear. Very literally. The expression was so unnatural and cartoonish on a human(ish) face, that Virgil couldn't help but be startled into laughter. Remus looked even more delighted at that reaction, leaning forward over the stove. At that point, Virgil very much couldn't suppress the noises, snorts bubbling up from his throat against his will.

“You look-” another bout of chuckling, “-you look ridiculous, Remus.”

“Aw, thank you! I was going for manic, but I'll settle for that, too.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, hunching in on himself to get his breathing back to normal.

With no warning, Remus lifted himself up onto his knees and craned his body around the vigilant trait, snatching the kettle from the stove and flipping the dial to ‘off’. Instinctively, Anxiety recoiled from the proximity. The tension fell away when he saw that the other was simply pouring the hot water into Virgil’s mug for him.

“Dude, it wasn't whistling yet?”

“I know; it was hissing like it was about to start. You're boring and don't like loud noises, especially when you’re all on edge like this, so,” he set the kettle back down, passing the warm mug to Virgil.

Virgil stared at him, then at the drink in his hand, then back up at the Duke. He was, for what felt like the millionth time that day, unsure of how to react.

He… really hadn't thought that Remus would pick up on stuff like that. He should probably start getting used to that, maybe.

“I'm-” Virgil dragged his finger up and down the handle of his mug, “I'm not that on edge anymore, actually.”

The look that Remus sent him was indecipherable.

“C’mon, I’ll queue up that flick I told you about.”

“Yeah,” Virgil let out a deep breath, one he hadn't even known he'd been holding, “Yeah, okay.”

The floor was bubbling, popping, blistering with red fury. It was lava, sending bright flaming sparks in all directions. Thankfully for Remus and Virgil, sitting close together on the couch and viciously mocking cabin fever, the vicious rage was exclusive to one small circle near the staircase.

Virgil, who had been happily tearing apart the leading guy’s acting, cut himself off abruptly.

“Shit- wait- shit.”

Remus shook himself out of his raucous laughter, looking up in confusion. His eyes finally settled on the crimson patch of carpet, a look of realization crossing them. His voice turned much quieter than what fit him.

“Oh, fuck.”

It was like a volcanic eruption localized entirely within the living room, fire blazing in a tall column. From the emotional display, Roman rose up, face nearly as red as his method of transportation.

There was that brief moment, right when a stressful situation appeared, of antithetical serenity. Virgil felt his muscles slacken in shock, his long-empty mug falling from his hands and landing on the carpet with a dull thud. A rush of calmness hollowed out his chest, lingering for just a few seconds before being replaced by panic. Tension returned to his limbs mere moments after that, like it was pulling him taut.

Roman wasn't even looking at them- in fact, he hadn't seemed to notice his brother or best friend at all. The fire fell back down, leaving a charred patch of carpet that would likely take a long time to repair itself. The passionate trait growled, a sound that bordered on a scream as he clawed his hands down his face. He stamped his boot sharply against the ground, igniting another small fire with the impact.

“Fuck!” He cried, ever oblivious to his audience. With a hasty wave, the flames flickered and disappeared. Roman glared down at the blackened spot where it had been, winding his arms tightly around himself. He took a few shaky breaths, but if anything he only looked worse off for it.

“Fuck,” this time spoken quieter, but with no less vitriol. An immaculately-manicured hand raised itself to cover his mouth, tightening around his face desperately as tears slipped from his eyes down his fingers. He turned on his heel and took the stairs two at a time.

In his wake, as the television had been paused, the only thing that Virgil could hear was buzzing in his skull.

What had happened? What was happening, currently?! Things had gone so wrong and it was all because of Virgil’s negligence- what bad things could have been prevented if he had just been there? Or- or even just listening in! When had he even stopped listening? He was supposed to protect them but he just gave up, just because he ‘couldn't handle it’, and now something was Wrong with Roman and he couldn't even focus on listening to them all now, not like this. He couldn’t hear, couldn’t hear or see anything at all.

A rough, calloused hand wrapped around his wrist. Virgil's shallow breath staggered even more at the feeling, the warbly noise of speech failing to meet his ears. His eyes were closed tight, he realized, stinging with emotion behind his eyelids.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Four seconds, four strikingly gentle presses against the vein of Virgil’s wrist. If it weren't for the slight edge of a claw, he could've confused the motion for one of Patton’s.

The four taps were followed by a brief pause, then a steady round of seven taps. Another pause, and then eight. As Virgil focused, as much as he could anyway, on the presses, the screaming of his mind very gradually abated. First, he pried his eyes open, staring down at the hand around his arm. Watching the tapping, feeling it, was grounding enough for his hearing to return in time. Virgil could hear Remus beside him, breathing deeply as a guide, and copying the exercise became that much easier. In for four, hold for seven, out for eight. Repeat. And repeat. And repeat.

Remus didn't stop when Virgil did it properly one time over, when he was still shaking and teary. He didn't speak up even when the well behind Anxiety's eyes ran dry, after what had to be a dozen rounds of even breaths. It was only when Virgil finally, hesitantly slipped his wrist out of the other's grasp on his own terms that Remus made any sounds.

“Do you remember when you taught me to do makeup? Late teens, early twenties, around then?”

Talk about a topic shift. Virgil glanced up in confusion.

“I guess so? Wasn't that, like, the only time that we hung out and actually got along?” They’d never exactly been close, Virgil had made sure of that. It was, in retrospect, a regrettable decision on his part.

“Yeah. I was so bad at it, remember?”

“Hell yes, I remember,” Virgil felt a tiny smirk tug his lips at the memory, “You literally never sat still. You were and are the most impatient person I've ever met.”

“I’ve gotten a lot better, Vee.”

Virgil glanced at the bruise-like eyeshadow circling the Duke's eyes, but refrained from saying anything. Knowing him (kind of knowing him? Starting to know him better now? Whatever.) it was most definitely intentionally off-putting, and probably not a good way to judge his actual ability.

“But I’ve seen how you do it, when you really, really try; I think you're still better than me with it, ju-u-ust barely.”

“Oh, uh, thank you,” Virgil wasn't entirely sure where this was going, but he couldn't find the soft excitement in Remus’ eyes anything other than enticing. The creative side laughed, flapping his hand.

“It would be fun if you did it for me again! Just like old times, ey?”

Virgil stared at him, considering him carefully.

“You want me to do your makeup?”

“Yes!” Remus leaned forward with his confirmation, but for once that didn't involve violating Virgil’s post-panic attack bubble, “It'll give you something to do with your hands other than peeling back all your skin, at the very least.”

Oh, right. Virgil not-so-subtly lifted his nails from his palms, wincing at the irritated red spots coloring his hands.

Truth be told, the idea wasn't… unappealing. It was an activity well between mindless and active, repetitive and artistic. Plus, he didn't exactly love being alone after attacks, and if anything Remus would be lively company. Company that he sort of, maybe, possibly was looking forward to spending the rest of the day with anyway, unfortunate events notwithstanding.

“Yeah, alright, if you're sure you want-”

“Great! Wait right there, bee-arh-bee,” before the words were even fully out of his mouth, Remus went limp and fell sideways off of the couch, falling right through the floor.

In his absence, there was a void where his noise had been. Virgil stared at the paused movie scene, picking apart the little details of the frame just to have something to do. His mind drifted off to the state that Roman had been in when he entered. The sight of his friend so furious burned itself on the backs of Virgil’s eyelids. He knew that the anxiety wasn't all his own, either; he could feel it like waves from the other side of the MindPalace, the origin point clearly belonging to Roman.

He should check on him, shouldn't he? Or would that make it worse? Virgil certainly didn't feel like he was in any state to help. But then there was Patton to consider- something must have happened up there. Should he look for him, too?

There was a whoosh.

“I leave you alone for five seconds and you get right back to thinking!” Remus strode across the room, flopping right back onto the couch. Held in his arms was an enormous multi-pocketed bag, items clattering around within at every jostle their owner made.

“Overthinking is literally my whole job, man, this shouldn't surprise you,” Virgil shrugged, trying not to sound as relieved as he felt.

Remus simply rolled his eyes and dropped the makeup case onto Virgil's lap, sitting criss-cross parallel to him, their knees brushing slightly.

Virgil hesitated for a moment, scanning Remus' face, but all the other did was smile and blink (one eye at a time).

Virgil zipped open the bag, rifling through and finding an overwhelming array of gaudy colors and odd products.

“Was there, like, a 'look' that you want to go for?”

Remus shrugged.

“Just go for it! I’m a blank canvas. The worse, the better.”

Virgil chuckled, picking out a few items to fit a theme he was coming up with and getting right to work.

Though it had been years since they’d last spent time together, it wasn’t awkward. In fact, it felt more comfortable than it had back then.

Remus managed to sit almost perfectly still, chattering the entire time that Virgil worked. Yet again his voice served as something like white-noise, wherein Anxiety only had to contribute whenever he chose. Remus only quieted when Virgil had to hold his face, tipping his head back to properly apply inky-black lipstick. And then, he remained silent for a moment, as they surveyed each other.

Virgil had cleared his throat, warmth prickling at his ears, and the ceaseless rambling resumed after that.

In what felt like hours and no time at all, Virgil was finally satisfied with his work.

“Alright, you're all done,” he capped the bottle of mascara in his hand, rifling through Remus' bag for a mirror, “Wanna see?”

Just as he felt the unmistakable cool surface of glass on his fingertips, Remus grabbed his wrist in both hands.

“What-?”

“Not so fast! Now it's my turn,” he announced, his zealous eyes even more prominent on his face thanks to the thick wings of eyeliner around them.

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Virgil looked from the assortment of garish colors that he'd mostly stayed away from in the makeup case, and then back up at the Duke.

“Usually: yes. But I am dead serious right now, Vee.”

Remus looked pleading, legitimately pouting.

Virgil huffed. The side had gone out of his way to help him, when he really didn't have to, so…

“You're not going to just use this as an excuse to draw all over my face, are you?”

“I mean, no promises that I'll be able to restrain myself, but! Gimme a chance anyway, I can make you even hotter than you already are! Plus, we'll match then.”

“... Fine. Just- nothing too crazy, alright?”

“Again, no promises.”

Virgil groaned, but he still passed the bag to Remus.

“Holy shit...”

Remus leaned over the basin of the bathroom sink, drumming his hands on the counter excitedly. He was starry-eyed as he observed the dark, dramatic colors covering his face: metallic emerald-green eyeshadow, excessively long lashes, and winged eyeliner sharp enough to cut a bitch. His lips were black as void, but shimmered like glitter. Everything about the look was dangerous, confrontational, and grim.

“This is more out there than I’d usually wear, but. Yeah, holy shit.”

Virgil's expression, despite his best efforts, was equally awed as he peered into the mirror. The color around his eyes was mismatched; a lime to moss green gradient over his purple eye, lavender to royal violet over his green one- both colors contrasted by smudged black eyeliner under his eye. His signature Racoon Look had been maintained in that aspect, but it was even more exaggerated. In addition to that, Remus had taken to drawing various little symbols along Virgil's cheekbones, including things like upside-down crosses. Finally, there was the fuchsia lip-gloss, stark against Virgil’s paler-than-normal foundation.

“It’s okay, I guess,” Virgil breathed reverently.

“I love it!” Remus crowed, clambering onto the counter just to get a better look at himself. Somehow, he'd already managed to smudge the hell out of his eyeshadow, but it kinda… worked for him, if Virgil was being honest.

“Vee, we have got to do this more often!”

Virgil looked from his reflection to Remus', startled in a way he didn't entirely understand. The intrusive facet met his gaze through the mirror, the smile sliding off his face when Virgil didn’t respond to him.

“Right, Raggedy-Anx? It doesn't have to be this, specifically, if you really don't want to. We could just watch movies together, that's fine. Or we could do anything at all! Right?”

Virgil was still silent, lost in his mind. Remus fell from a kneeling position to sitting with his legs hanging off the counter, turning his back to the mirror.

“Was this a one-time thing? That's alright, too, if you just needed help calming down. I'm not as good as the others, I know, but if they're ever too busy again, you'll think of me when you need help, at least. Right?”

Finally, Virgil snapped out of his daze when he heard the panicked edge to Remus’ voice, feeling his anxiety as Virgil noticed the wild look that had completely erased his giddiness. It was a look that Virgil had seen plenty of times before, when Remus had been ignored far too long and was right about to start ripping things to shreds for some scraps of attention. Only then did Virgil fully recognize what the expression actually meant; the deep, terrified need that swirled behind the look, unsure of how to ask for what it really wanted after so many denials of that very want.

“Shit, sorry,” Virgil moved to stand in front of him, eye-level to Remus even though he was elevated by the counter, “Hey, it's alright, Re, everything's fine.”

Remus was still trying very determinedly to smile.

“I know! Hell, I’m not the anxious one, I'm the one that makes people anxious,” his laugh sounded like it came from a throat full of broken glass, “I just- I liked this, ya know?”

“I know,” Virgil leaned forward, coaxing Remus' arms away from where he'd wrapped them around himself, “I like this, too.”

Remus let Virgil hold onto him, surprised into something like obedience.

“You? What?”

“I like this,” it wasn't as though Virgil was expecting to hug Remus, but it seemed to have happened on its own as they moved. It was leagues nicer than he could have imagined, despite the smell. “I like you…-r company.”

“That's weird,” Remus' legs curled around Virgil’s waist. Virgil rested his hands on Remus’ hips. He listened as the creative trait's breathing evened out, vaguely aware that the situation was similar to the one just an hour or so before. Except, the roles had been reversed, of course.

“I missed you. I know I never told you, but I missed you.”

Virgil felt guilt, hot and molten, dripping down his throat. He couldn't lie; he hadn't missed Remus when he left. But now he did, in a roundabout sort of way. He missed what could have been, all of the possible understanding and friendship and likely more that he could have had for so long with Remus- all of which he'd let slip by for years. Due to just writing the artist off as disgusting, or unnecessary.

And perhaps some of that misunderstanding was Remus' fault as well, but Virgil couldn’t find it in himself to hold it against him.

“You don't have to anymore. Miss me, I mean. I'm- fuck, I'm so sorry.”

“Me too,” Remus said, pulling back to settle Virgil with a happy-yet-tearfilled gaze.

“Aw, hey,” he tightened his grip at Remus' hips, smirking, “You're gonna fuck up all my hard work on that eyeliner, Re.”

Remus laughed, loud and shrieky and him, smiling unnaturally and brilliantly wide once again. Virgil's breath caught in his throat- not for the first time that day, he found himself trapped up in that wild, energetic face.

Before Virgil was entirely aware of what he was doing, he was leaning forward, pulling Remus in by the waist. When the cackling finally stopped short, so did he, both much too far and far too close to the Duke.

He didn't have the chance to explain himself, or apologize, or anything, because soon enough understanding flashed in Remus' eyes.

“Oh, oh yes, oh hell fucking yes.”

Remus didn’t wait a second longer before closing the distance and smashing his lips against Virgil’s. A startled sound bubbled up in his throat, dying quickly as he acclimated to what was happening. Just as he did, he was reciprocating the kiss.

Their teeth clashed together uncomfortably, and Virgil was hyper-aware of the threat both his own and Remus’ fangs posed if they weren’t careful, making it far from the perfect first kiss. But he wouldn’t have wanted that anyway, nor would he have expected it. It was, somehow, better.

Remus' hand dragged down Virgil's back, his fingers fitting onto the notches of the facet’s spine. Virgil shivered, pressing himself flush against the counter (and Remus) and digging his thumbs into the trait’s hips. The motion earned him a beautiful whine from the other as the kiss deepened, growing less awkward and more heated by the second.

Virgil was unaware of how much time was passing, but when they finally parted, both were short of breath and significantly disheveled. Remus had his back pressed up against the mirror, his hair even fuzzier than its usual state, expression dazed and face flushed. From what Virgil could make out in his own reflection, he wasn't much better off.

Just as soon as they'd separated, Remus' hand was on his face, his thumb dragging just under Anxiety's lip.

“You fucked up your lipstick,” he teased.

“So did you,” Virgil answered with a smirk, leaning into the touch.

“I guess we'll have to fix it later.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” Remus wriggled himself out of his pinned position, twisting around Virgil. He managed to situate himself and drop down from the bathroom counter, his manner suggestive, “Because all I wanna do right now is finish watching Cabin Fever with my new goth boyfriend and makeout during the boring parts.”

“Boyfriend?” Virgil ignored the jolt of warmth he felt at that, determined to stay nonchalant as he (subtly (not subtly)) slipped his hand into Remus’.

“You disagree?”

Virgil pretended to think it over, leading them to the door and taking his time to click it open.

“Nah, I don’t disagree,” he said finally, “I think I like the sound of that, actuall- yyyy.”

Virgil stopped short in the open doorway, voice dragging out in his shock. Behind him, he could feel Remus trying to crane around him to see what was happening, but Virgil didn’t move to accommodate him. Well, more accurately, he felt like he couldn’t really move at all, too busy parsing out the scene in front of him.

In the corner of the sectional- sharing a cushion- Janus and Patton sat, the former holding aloft a glass of wine, the latter snacking on a muffin. They sat with their legs tangled together, and had seemed to be engrossed with each other before the interruption. Both had paused mid-conversation to gawk in Virgil's direction, twin deer-in-headlights expressions on their faces.

“What-” Virgil began, bewildered.

“The fuck?” Remus finished, pushing his way out of the bathroom.

Janus struggled to sit up into a more dignified position and take the reigns of the conversation. It didn't take him long to overcome his surprise at the interruption, his surveying gaze sweeping over the other two Dark Sides contemplatively. The look made Virgil’s skin crawl.

“You know, we- well, we could ask you two-” he gestured at their interlocked hands, “-just the same question, couldn't we?”

For a moment, there was silence. Virgil looked from Patton to Janus. Janus looked from Virgil to Remus. Patton looked at the wall like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Remus looked at everyone and broke the silence.

“You didn't see us,” he announced, sidestepping his way to the staircase and dragging Virgil along with him, “And we didn't see you.”

Janus squinted, tipped his head, and nodded conspiratorially.

“Deal.”

With that little grant, Virgil and Remus darted up the stairs and into the sanctuary of the dimly lit hallway as quickly as they could. Luckily for them, Roman was probably either in a deep depression sleep or far into the imagination by now, and Logan Did Not Engage with Interpersonal Drama if he could help it.

There was a second for appreciating the absurdity of the situation (and catching their breath), before either spoke to each other.

“I’ve got a huge flat screen,” Remus piped up at last, jerking his thumb in the direction of his room.

“Any of us can conjure literally anything we want at any time, so I'm not sure what's impressive about that.”

Remus scowled, albeit playfully.

“Hush! Come watch someone slowly be consumed by a parasite with me!”

Virgil rolled his eyes and let Remus drag him off, his complaints accompanied by absolutely no efforts to avoid the situation.

Things were weird, there was no denying that. Maybe they'd end up being that way for a while yet, and Virgil knew he had a lot of news to catch up on, but he found that thoughts like that were way back in his mind. Whatever happened, he reasoned, he would still have this comfort. The arms of someone he was finally coming to know wrapped tight around him, playing up his back, a mouth trailing kisses on his neck as he half-watched horror films. Yes, things would be difficult with the others, but it was secondary.

There was someone on his side now. Solidly, unarguably there for him. With him. And that made it all feel a little bit easier.

194 notes · View notes

chaotically-cas · 3 years

Text

29 Things I Think Allistic People Need To Hear

From an autistic person

Not my usual content but I felt it needed to be said.

Saying “everyone is a little autistic” is really hurtful. Yes, everyone has their struggles but these struggles are far different for autistic people. Saying everyone experiences it is invalidating & harmful.

Being graded on eye contact & standing still is wrong. I’m pretty sure at one point or another we’ve had a project we were graded on & one of the grades was eye contact & not fidgeting. These things are extremely hard for autistic people & they are practically second nature. It’s like holding in a sneeze.

Stim & figget toys in schools. Of course fidget spinner’s & stim cubes can be bought & should be bought by anyone. If you want one, get one. But the way schools are banning them is crazy. They are very necessary for autistic people & it’s so much harder for them when schools ban their use.

QUITTTTT BABYING US!! We aren’t ‘uwu babies’. We are humans. We are perfectly capable of functioning without allistic people’s pity & looking down on us. We are our own people that don’t need a hand to hold in every damn situation. We aren’t cute because of it.

Listen to autistic people. Everyone is all for advocating for people until that group of people want to advocate for themselves. So shut up & listen once & maybe you can learn something you didn’t know.

Creative writing in class is difficult. You don’t know how many bad grades I’ve gotten on because I can’t think of a good story out of my ass. It’s extremely hard for autistic people. Please give us a prompt it’s more helpful than you know.

Role playing in class. I think we’ve all had to do something where we research a famous person & have to assume their identity. This is again, so hard for autistic people. It’s hard enough for us to be ourselves. Most of us can’t understand these actives enough.

Slurs. Quit saying retard. It’s not an insult. It’s not funny. It’s offensive & every time you use it you’re hurting a disabled person & spreading harmful stereotypes. It’s not just a word. It’s not just a bad word. It’s a slur. Same as the f word or any other slur. Don’t use it.

People talking over us. No I dont mean just in conversations. Although that is another issue. I mean organizations like autism speaks that put words into autistic peoples mouths instead of letting them speak for themselves.

Stop making fun of our special interests. Whether you find anime cringey or think an adult loving Aladdin is childish just stop it. These things being extreme joy to us. They make us happy in a word that we don’t understand. So just leave us alone & let us be happy.

Don’t stare at us if we’re stimming. Especially in public. If you see me flapping my hands. Don’t stare. If you hear me humming quietly, don’t judge. These activities aren’t for your viewing pleasure. They’re for autistic people to regulate & express how they’re feeling.

Normalizing ableism. It’s so normalized. Whether it’s phrased like “suffers from autism” or how regularly ‘retard’ is used in classe; ableism is so often over looked especially by adults. There are no many micro aggressions they are just passed off as us not having a thick enough skin. When in reality it’s really damaging.

People first language. If you ever correct someone by saying “no, they’re a PERSON with autism. Not an autistic person”. Literally shut up. We’re autistic. We’re people. Being autistic doesn’t make us any less human so you don’t need to make it seem like it does. We’re still human no matter our disably. People don’t have to be reminded of this.

Using words like psychopath & sociopath. Calling autistic people these things just because you don’t understand us is disgusting. If you don’t understand these terms don’t use them. Just because we aren’t good at showing empathy in some cases doesn’t make us ‘psychopaths’.

Tone indicators. This is both the over use & not using them that’s an issue. Saying things like “/j /hj /sarcasm /srs /lh” all in one post defeats the whole damn purpose of them. & not using any at all especially when joking around or using sarcasm can lead to a lot of misunderstanding. It’s not that hard to use one or two at the end of a post. /srs

Picky eating. Literally stop making fun of autistic people for not liking a lot of foods or ordering the same thing at every restaurant. A lot of textures & flavors are very bothersome to autistic people. They can cause overstimulation or even panic. Just let us be. So I eat mac & cheese 4 times a week. I didn’t know it effected you so much.

“Ugh you’re so annoying you can’t ever get a joke”. No hearing that is what’s annoying. Tones are hard for us to understand so while most people pick up on it autistic people are more likely to read too much into it or take it seriously. It’s simple to use tone indicators in text or even to say “I’m joking”. It won’t make your joke less funny. It’ll just help us understand more.

Be specific if you want things from us. Don’t just say “hey I need a pencil”. Or “the dishwasher needs put away”. Most likely we’ll just be like, yeah, ok, and? Be specific please. Say things like “can I borrow a pencil?” or “can you undo the dishwasher?”.

Faces seeming to look weird. A lot of us having facial stims that can alter our faces. Whether it’s excessive blinking, eyebrow raising, or face scrunches. Don’t ask us what’s wrong with our face or what we are doing. For me, because of my facial stims & tics my eyes/eyebrows are permanently uneven. Don’t bring it up.

Classroom behavior charts are horrible. Autistic people don’t behave the same as allistic people. Simple as that. What they see as ok behavior, others don’t. & some times they don’t realize these behaviors will get them in trouble.

Police brutality. Especially in black or brown autistic people. It’s so common that people call the police on autistic people stimming in public because they are seen as dangerous. & when these autistic people can’t understand what’s going on or can’t make eye contact they are labeled as more suspicious. Especially black autistic people. Just look at Elijah McLean.

Feeling dumb. Especially in schools or other scholarly conversations. Some autistic people aren’t able to keep up or fully understand everything that’s being said or presented. Which leads to us feeling dumb. Give us time to process or aso questions please.

Feeling robotic. You’ve most likely heard autistic people being compared to robots at one point or another. Whether that’s for the impaired ability to establish empathy or something else it’s an extremely negative & hurtful stereotype. Especially in media.

Saying ‘I forgot’ is a valid excuse. There is so much going on in our heads. So much to process & remember. We forget things. Everyone forgets things. Especially autistic people. Please don’t yell at us for always forgetting to do the dishes. It’s not like we chose to forget.

The harmful effects of the vaccines cause autism jokes. Aside from the whole anti vaxers debate, perpetually the idea that we shouldn’t be vaccinated because it causes autism is disgusting. It’s treating autism like a disease. Like the person who has it isn’t worthy. Or that autism is so chronic it will ruin everything. It’s like people avoiding cheese burgers because it’s rumored they make you ginger. It’s preposterous.

Yelling at autistic people for struggling to want to learn new concepts/concepts at all. This not only goes for in school but in just normal conversation. It’s hard for autistic people to grasp things they don’t have an interest in learning. So please don’t yell at us for not understanding everything about a band that we don’t care about, we would if we could. It might not seem like a big issue but it happens more than you’d think.

Intrusive thoughts. (Tw: rape mention & violence) Most of the time autistic people experience extreme spells of intrusive thoughts “omg he’s going to rape you image him raping you” or “stab yourself in the side right now” or much worse. & when autistic (and other) people try to talk about it they are labeled crazy or insane. It’s a normal occurrence to have these kinds of thoughts. We don’t want to. But they happen. That’s why they’re called intrusive.

Executive disfunction. This is basically when autistic people are views as lazy but we physically & mentally just can’t. Where tasks as seemingly simple as going to get a glass of water feels like a mountain to autistic people. It’s not that we are lazy. We physically & mentally can’t work up to it.

Class rank & graduation requirements are unfair. Autistic people socialize differently. It’s just a fact. Our brains work differently in classes & outside of it. We could be working our asses off to understand our English class book, but we get an F. Not to mention how most schools require community service hours to graduate. Yes community service is good but it can be very hard for autistic people.

Please feel free to add on but a lot of these are drawn from personal frustrations. Please listen to autistic & other disabled people more. All these also applies to those with ADHD/ADD or any other mental illness where the situations apply. You’re all valid & amazing.

I love you all. 💕

#autistic #actually autistic #autism psa #listen to autistic people #rant #the outsiders

48 notes · View notes

pikapals16 · 3 years

Text

Just When It Gets Better, It Gets Worse (not finished)

tw: non-con, abuse, self-harm, sensory overload/panic attack, suicide attempt (these were planned tw's so not all of them are in this draft, but just to be safe)

A summer day spent at the mall with her visiting family should've been fun. It probably would've, excluding her past and her parents' denial that anything of any sort happened.

This isn't the case if you couldn't tell.

Kat's family was walking through the mall center when a group of people catches her eye. It's not like this group came together, they're all gathered up and definitely staring at something. Normally Kat would just walk on pass, but the sound of distress convinces them to sneak into the crowd.

After scooting to a place where she can observe, they see the subject of curiosity is a girl, about her age, and who's clearly in a sort of panic attack. Her hands are clamped and pulling at her hair, her body rocking back and forth.

The girl in pink watches as someone tries to approach her before someone else yelling back.

"Don't get close! She's probably one of those weirdos with autism." Kat pushes down their anger at the offhand comment. This girl doesn't deserve that, she's already in distress. Kat looks around for anyone the girl could've come with, as it is very unlikely that she'd have come alone

She sees two men, mid to late fourties, frantically looking around for something, which puts them as the most likely possibility. They consider going up to them to inform them of the situation, but she figures they already know, explaining the distressed look on the their faces (and assuming that they are who this girl arrived with).

Kat digs inside of her bag, looking for something that might help ground the panicking girl. Nothing that'd be remotely helpful, and she never brings their stress ball or fidget cube with their parents around. Something about disbelief in non-physical diseases, but she'd rather not risk it.

What they do take out though, is one of those toy rings with googly eyes. To be frank, Kat isn't sure why she has the old toy in her bag, but perhaps it will help the girl calm down? It's not like they have anything else to use.

Slowly, Kat slips closer to the girl, choosing to ignore any comments made, and sits in front of her, making sure to maintain distance to not make her feel uncomfortable.

Admittedly, they haven't been in a situation even remotely similar, but they've read some articles that give her an idea of what to do. The rest, she's just winging it.

Slipping the ring onto her finger, Kat raises their hand.

"Hi, I'm Mr. Goggles." Kat opens and closes her hand to imply that it's the one speaking. As it does, Kat can see the girl look up in curiosity. They guess that it seems to be working. "What's your name?"

Kat cringes a bit, this girl is probably a college student, she doesn't need to be dumbed down.

"C-Cathy." Cathy's eyes seem to light up at the character. Although her hands haven't moved from their position, they've stopped pulling, and her rocking looks like it's slowing down. Kat smiles at her, hoping she recognizes it.

She takes the ring off of her finger, and holds it out in their palm, offering it to her.

"You can have it." They say just loud enough for Cathy to hear. The latter looks at her in confusion. Why would the pretty girl be giving this to her of all people? She doesn't even know her. "It's okay, really."

At this point, Cathy's hand have since released from her head as she contemplates this. Hesitantly, she reaches out, causing Kat to scoot forward so she can hand it to her.

Cathy curiously spins and shakes the toy before putting the ring on her finger, like the pretty girl had. She opens and closes her hand, and her heart seems to flutter--at both the shaking sound of the googly eyes, and the little character that appears on her hand.

Kat smiles when they hear quiet coos coming from Cathy's mouth. What she did seemed to work, and she's calmed down.

Speaking of which, they should probably go and find their parents before she gets punished. Again. Yet, there's something that draws her towards this...stranger. She can rule out love, as she identifies as demisexual, but they're tempted to stay here in their little bubble.

Without any outside influence, just them-

"Oh my god, thank you." The two middle-aged men briskly walk over, one of them kneeling to communicate with Cathy through what looks to be sign language, and the other turning his attention to Kat.

Feelings and memories are shoved down into the archives of Kat's mind. She doesn't need or want to remember, and this guy shouldn’t have to worry over another panic attack.

”Thank you so much for calming her down. My husband and I really appreciate it. Not many people have enough patience to deal with our daughter’s autism.” The thought of these two men being married and raising a child calms some of Kat’s nerves, but just some.

”You’re welcome. Does she go to school here?” Kat curses at themself for asking that, but surprisingly the question isn’t taken a wrong way.

“No, we’re just visiting friends.” The other husband mentions as he helps Cathy up. “But thank you for being so kind. It’s rare that people listen.” Oh. Kat would know that firsthand. The countless times it’s happened.

“Yes, for sure.” Is what she settles with. They don’t need to know. “I should get going though. Wish you all the best!” With the goodbye, Kat runs off to find their family, praying they didn’t notice her absence.

But of course, they did, and while she’s being scolded at, Kat lets her thoughts take over for a bit. It’s not like it’d end any differently. It’s always the same punishment and Kat hates it each time.

They’ve felt nothing for the past couple of years but today just seemed to be different. An unlikely meeting, yet Cathy seemed to have an effect on them. And they only met for a couple of minutes if anything.

They don’t know why she’s putting so much thought into this.

What are the odds of them meeting again anyway?

Kat walks up to their meeting spot for lunch. She doesn’t have friends, acquaintances really, but they eat with them to trick themselves into thinking they are her friends. That she’s not completely alone. To distract herself from other things.

Right before they sit, Kat sees someone else, seated by themselves. People walk past without so much as a second glance, and Kat can’t take their eyes of them. They have brown curly hair, and they’re wearing a blue hoodie, which in itself is a bit odd for August.

Kat fiddles with their pink crop top. She sees herself in this mystery person. The emptiness and loneliness. Perhaps if they help the other, maybe they’ll feel less damaged as well.

”Do any of you recognize them?” Most of them don’t, but someone claims to have seen her in their creative writing class, and another claims that she has ASD. “I’m gonna go talk to her.”

The girl in pink sees the strange looks from their lunch mates, but like she’s done before, it goes ignored.

"Hi." The girl on the bench looks up at the new voice. "Can I eat lunch with you?" The brunette scoots over and pats the empty space for her to sit. As Kat sits down, the other can't seem to take her eyes off her. She's pretty.....and someone she hasn't gotten the chance to thank yet.

Quickly the girl in blue digs through her bag, looking for a certain item that a certain someone had given her on a certain summer day at the mall. She shakes the rings back and forth to get the pretty girl's attention.

"Oh. Wait." Kat takes a better look at the girl she's sitting next to. No wonder she felt familiar. "We met over the summer. Cathy, right?" Cathy nods, smile growing on her face. "Well, I never told you my name, so I guess I'll do that now. Hi, I'm Kat. She/they pronouns."

"She/her." Cathy points to herself as she speaks, to make sure that Kat didn't think that Cathy didn't support their pronouns. "And thank you." Kat tilts their head in confusion. "For Mr. Goggles and helping me during my meltdown. You kinda saw me at my worst."

"Oh um, it's nothing." Lie. "Hold on, I thought you were just visiting?" ..Not a complete lie, she put some pieces together.

"My dad got a job here and my pop didn't want to be more than an hour away from me because....you know." Cathy realizes she's been stimming, but doesn't stop her actions, rather glancing at Kat to see her reaction. Nothing. Kat's eyes never leave Cathy's, well really her head since the latter isn't a fan of direct eye contact.

And that's another thing. Kat doesn't force eye contact like the other's experienced so many times before. Cathy's met very few people who are similar, and she holds them all close to her heart.

"Yeah."

The two talk for a little longer before departing for their separate classes. 'Two' honestly refers to Kat leading the conversation and Cathy commenting when prompted, but neither really care. They make sure to exchange numbers, but little did they know how much they would end up depending on each other.

She was minding her own business, honest. Cathy was never one to go into crowded places alone, for obvious reasons, but this is the easiest and closest place for her to meet with her new friend.

The ever so increasing volume of the area starts to bother the blue girl, so she takes out her headphones, blocking out most of the noise. She checks her watch again. Kat’s still not here?

Her initial thought is that Kat blew her off, but they’ve made it very clear that she’d never do something like that, not without explanation. To steer her thoughts away from becoming too overwhelming, Cathy plays with her fidget cube inside her pocket.

It’s never completely gone, but Cathy’s certainly learned how to handle her ASD better. Or at least, so that she can prevent any public outbreaks.

Unlike some people who just haven’t grown up from high school behavior yet. This particular guy thinks it's funny to copy her very subtle stimming. Just your typical jackass.

"Dude stop, she hasn't done anything to you." And that, would be the arrival of her friend. Kat turns to Cathy, tilting their head in the direction of her dorm, and the pair starts walking away. "He didn't make you uncomfortable, did he?"

Cathy shakes her head, and the two walk in silence. The silence isn't all that bad or foreign, but rather a comfort to the two. Of course, until the unsuspected thunder. Seriously, they don't know why they bother listening to the weather reports at this point.

In instinct, Cathy takes off her jacket and wraps it around Kat before pulling the both of them into the dorms.

"Cathy, you can stop running, we're inside now." Cathy doesn't stop. She doesn't want anyone else to see what she's done. No one's seen it. Not even her parents. She keeps her same pace until she's navigated the halls to Kat's dorm.

Only then does she let go.

And she immediately regrets it.

"Cathy...." Without the long sleeves as a cover, Cathy's scars are exposed. Even as she tries to hide it with her hands, they're still visible. She does nothing except curl in on herself, soft noises coming from her mouth. Kat does nothing except open the door, trying their best not to stare so hard.

Thank goodness her roommate is out of town, that would've made for some awkward conversation. Kat and Cathy walk in, the latter with a brisk pace, the former with a moment of hesitation.

"You did that yourself, didn't you?"

and that's where i gave up, basically, where i was going with this was that cathy opens up about the self-harm, then kat opens up about her trauma yea, they're friends! cathy is a year older than kat, so she graduates and although they still talk, it's not as often as kat would like. long story short, kat starts to feel lonely and depressed again, and they feel so disconnected from the world that she kills herself by overdose. little does she know that cathy and her friends were just on their way to surprise them, but see kat just in time for it to happen. cathy runs up, and begs kat to stay with her (the others are calling an ambulance) and kat's like "shit no, wait, you're here" then black out.

whether or not kat survives is up to interpretation! or....would've been hehe. idk, i'm kinda rambling now, but yea here's an abandoned oneshot

#six the musical #six fanfiction

17 notes · View notes

marueonmain · 4 years

Text

WINDFLOWER

part eleven ~ wank material and how to get canceled ~

(part one) (part two) (part three) (part four) (part five) (part six) (part seven) (part eight) (part nine) (part ten) (part eleven)

A/N: Back at it again. Thank you for 160 followers; do enjoy and take care of yourself! Send a Message/Ask to make my day!

Summary: Alex screws up a lot.

Pairing: imallexx x reader

Warning: Lots of Language. Implied Domestic Abuse. Heavy Self-Deprecation.

Word Count: 2.9k BLUE TEXT = FLASHBACK

It is a small world. Or at least that is how the saying goes. For example: I happened to have dog-walked for a woman who turns out to be your aunt? Huh, small world.

The world is meant to be small, with everyone just six degrees of separation from one another.

A lot can happen between six degrees – an ice cube melts, a steak is cooked well done instead of medium, a person dies of an unexplained fever.

Sometimes Alex’s world did feel small, constrictingly small like it was caving in on him. But more often than not, it was he who felt small and the world a vast sea – an endless horizon. And he was stranded on a raft in the middle of it. Splashing along with the waves, going wherever the wind wished to take him. Wondering if he would ever be found (if anyone was even searching for him) or if he was destined to drown in the deep dark waters.

Alex shook his head, and he was back in the present moment. Sitting cross-legged on the sofa. Gripping a controller with his clammy hands, playing LEGO Star Wars with George. Although their characters appeared to be working together in perfect sync, Alex was not actually focusing on the screen. His eyes were, but his mind drifted like that raft on the sea, drifted to earlier that morning.

It rained briefly; when the early morning hours came, everything outside smelled of wet, and the scent seeped in through cracks in the sealing around the windows.

Y/N stirred in Alex’s arms, squirmed out of his gentle hold, and sat up. Shining through the glass door of the balcony was the pale blue of the moon illuminating her features – a pastel recolouring which further softened the curves and lines of her face.

Her unadjusted eyes appeared confused at her surroundings as she looked around. Planting her hands flat on the cushion on either side of her lap exposed her bruised forearm. Each circular mark was darker than it had been when she fell asleep. Alex noticed some quarter or half of the beads on her bracelet matched those bruises in colour – he was not sure how to feel about that.

A shy closed-mouth smile took Y/N’s lips as her eyes landed on Alex. If she were concerned about his contemplative somewhat doleful expression, she hid it well. “You’re warm.”

“Yeah?” Alex asked. It was dizzying, swimming in the lovesick haze of such an odd compliment

“Like sleeping on one of those blankets, you have to plug in – softer though.”

“Probably more lippy as well.”

“I think that’s fair,” her words fizzled out with a giggle.

Pupils dilated in the dim lighting; Alex had never more resembled the pleading puppy eyes emoji. High on that feeling, he got whenever Y/N looked deep into the depths of him. Like the last piece of his puzzling life was being set into place. Like it was them. Always meant to be them. Together.

He just wished he dared to speak more.

“Jump! What are you doing?” George burst out, bringing Alex back for a moment.

“Sorry.” He had felt it all over again – how anxious he was to speak; how dead his tongue was in his mouth. As if every moment with Y/N was it for him. His one shot. And if he did not say the right thing or if his voice wavered, then it would be over for him. Finished.

Or maybe he would not have to speak at all, and he would lose his chance before he even opened his mouth. His big mouth – his friends would add, and in truth, so would he.

George cleared his throat and asked, “Did you remember to message Simon about the party?”

“Yeah, yesterday. And Tobi got back to me, said he’s coming.”

“Would’ve been easier to have done a group message for them.”

Sighing a short but exhausted sounding sigh, Alex agreed, “Maybe.”

“And Sammy’s coming?” George looked over for a split-second to see his flatmate nod his head; a tight smile plastered on his face. “Good.”

Another moment of comfortable calm washed over Alex and Y/N when something in Y/N’s gaze pulled back – became hesitant – and moved down to her hands. She picked up a crumpled deliveroo receipt from off the coffee table and began fidgeting with it. “If you—”

Y/N stopped as her phone lit up; the notification was silent, but the light of the screen was visible through the pocket of her jeans. While pulling it out, she unmuted it to an eruption of DING. DING. DING. There were a lot of missed calls and texts, enough that she had to scroll twice up to see them all.

All Alex could read from his spot on the sofa (without wanting to appear as if he was reading over Y/N’s shoulder) was a text message in all caps reading ANSWER ME.

Thumbs hovered above the phone, not typing nor even moving to unlock to the home screen. Her back straightened, and her posture tensed. Eyes not leaving the screen, she said, “It’s Sam. I need to go.”

“That’s all Sammy? It’s a tad overkill, don’t you think?”

“No, he’s just worried.” Y/N took to her feet. Stepping around the coffee table, she beelined to where she left her shoes near the front door. “I don’t—I should have been checking in.”

Alex stood and followed. “Is he that upset? Genuinely?”

She flicked her hand dismissively before using it to pull on her shoes. Keeping her eyes down. “Of course not. It’s just frustrating when he can’t reach me is all.”

“Still…it’s a bit much.”

“And what? You’ve never been frustrated like that with someone?”

“No,” his projection of the word a startling thundercrack in the otherwise civil conversation.

It had not been confidence, though. Not real confidence. Alex had been scared, and he did not like being scared nor admitting to being scared, but he had been. Frightened because he did not know how to handle the situation. Terrified that he might have been losing himself.

Liking Y/N made him nervous; made him protective. And he could not control it.

Y/N looked to him, and he would have to have been blind to not see the bewilderment that came to her eyes at his change in tone. Alex was just so sick and tired of allowing himself and his concerns to be played off. Always feeling like he was screaming to be heard, but no one cared to listen.

He spoke stern and definite, “No. I’ve never been so agitated with someone that I screamed at them for a near hour. It’s not normal. I’ve certainly, never punched through—”

DING. DING. Before he could finish, Y/N dropped her head to her phone.

Alex sighed, exhausted, and asked, “He’s still going, isn’t he?”

“Like I said,” Y/N looked up, and coming back into the conversation as if nothing happened, reasoned in a gentle – borderline condescending – tone, “he’s worried about me.”

“No, he’s not. If he were worried, wouldn’t he have gone looking for you?”

“How do you know he didn’t?”

“Where else would you have gone, but here? Does he let you have other friends?”

Taking a step from him, Y/N shook her head like she could shake herself awake and out of the situation – like it was a dream. She asked, “Where is this coming from?”

“Am I wrong? Red?” he didn’t mean it to come out overly harsh; it had. Alex’s eyes begged for the slightest amount of understanding.

“I think I should go.” Contradicting the sharpness that came into her words were the tears that sprung to her eyes, building up, daring to fall. Y/N pushed right through Alex (not unlike her previous shoulder-check) towards the front door with a sudden heaviness in her steps.

Fuck. Think of something.

She’s leaving think of something.

Say something.

Anything!

“Are you still coming to the party Saturday?” Not that.

Stopping halfway out the door, Y/N whipped around with annoyance and anger burning in her eyes. “You’re serious? Is that all you care about? Padding your guest list?”

“No,” the whispered words fell graceless from his lips, “I care about you.”

“Don’t.” Y/N looked as if she were a second away from spitting in his face. “It was a mistake coming here. You can’t just say whatever shit you want, whenever you want. I’m sorry if you think I’ve been leading you on, but Sam is my boyfriend, alright? I love him.”

That was it. Alex did not know that would be it. He did not even know he was that close to the fucking edge. But he had been. And that? That was it. He wanted so bad to be a safe space for Y/N and to not start an argument or come off as if he were attacking her, but that was it.

“And does he love you?” Alex asked with a cruel scoff.

“Beg pardon?”

“Did he love you when he gave you that?” He pointed to her forearm – the five circular bruises.

“Fuck you, Alex.” Her lip curled into a snarl. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She left. It was 2:01am.

It lingered in his head – the realization he came to when he was stood in the dark staring at his front door too confused to be shocked and too shocked to process the hurt. He lost; he was a loser. It was not a traditional emotion, but Alex felt it burning within even as he sat on the sofa with George.

Idiot. Since their first meeting, Alex dreamed and needed and worked so hard to be with Y/N, and he lost her. Gambled it all and lost. Useless. Weak. His thoughts took on their own intentions. Beginning to feel foreign as if coming from the outside and no longer sounding like him.

Spiraling. Alex was spiraling. He did not – could not – understand how he could ruin everything life ever offered, bin the good opportunities, and fail all the people important to him.

All at once, an intense feeling bubbled up from deep in his gut, perhaps the most classically masculine feeling he ever felt. Alex wanted to fight. Angry. Pained. He wanted nothing more than to scream out his voice and rid himself of the scorching torrent of blood that rushed through him, cauterizing his veins. Alex wanted to fight for Y/N. But he could not do that, could he? Fight. Not physically, at least.

“I need water.” George got up and moved to the kitchen, not knowing that his interruption of Alex’s internal monologue was like him saving the younger from drowning.

A light blush rushed to his cheeks as Alex pulled his head up. He inhaled deep and released it in a controlled exhale. Embarrassed with himself for falling victim to self-deprecation. It had to stop, and it was getting better. Alex just slipped up. He rerouted his focus to think neutral (as positive was a little out of reach), think solutions, think forward.

Life is not a fiction. Not a page-turning romantic thriller nor bafta-nominated melodrama. He was not a leading man. Y/N was not the Eurydice to his Orpheus. Alex was himself. A regular human – he did not have the liberty of being able to go on an epic quest or save the world to prove himself to her.

He could not win back her comfort in him with a grandiose gesture – even if he wanted to. It had to be words. It had to be realistic actions. Sincere. Genuine. And Alex did not care if it would be difficult or if Y/N was difficult to understand, to please, he would keep trying until she told him to stop.

There was no guarantee Y/N would ever again see him as a safe space. Still, he would do his all because…well because he missed her. Alex had never missed someone like he did Y/N.

He missed her more than he would miss his own heart if it lept from his chest. He missed her like they had spent their entire existence together up until that moment. He missed holding her close – brushing his fingers over her soft skin. He missed that blissful moment where he got to wake up with her there.

Most of all, he missed how stable she made him feel. He was more present with her than he had been all his twenty-odd years. When she was with him, Alex lived a lifetime in each individual second.

Y/N made him feel strong for the first time in a long time. He could not always carry himself, but he would always, always be there to carry her.

A minute later, George returned to the room with a water bottle in both hands; without warning, he chucked one towards the sofa. It struck Alex in the chest and landed in his lap before he doubled over.

“Ow!” he shouted into his knees.

Taking a swig from his bottle, the older sighed and asked, “You alright?”

“No!” Alex popped back up and shouted. “You just hit me with a water bottle, you fucking idiot.”

George dropped his then half-full bottle onto the coffee table and took an extra step toward the sofa but remained standing. Looking down on the younger – something George did not have much experience in – he jabbed his index finger into his flatmate’s temple, pushing his head to the side.

“I meant your head.” He repeated, “You alright?”

“Again, George? We’re doing this again? You’ve never checked up on me this much before. Are you alright, Mr. Authoritarian?” Alex stood up and pushed his chin forward, bringing their faces closer and exaggerating the centimetre or four he had over his flatmate in height.

Shrugging both his shoulder, not flustered in the slightest, George said, “I’ve seen you like this before.”

“Like what?”

“After a break-up, you’re fine and good for a few months, but then you get a crush, and you start doing this to yourself. Fixating and—and fanning all these feelings and hyping yourself up to be disappointed. Now with Red—”

“I don’t want to talk about Red.” Alex snapped and moved to step around the coffee table, uncomfortable with the closeness he created. “For fuck sake, my life doesn’t revolve around the woman.”

“I’m not saying that.” George followed him. “Just that with the health advisements and staying inside, maybe you clung onto the first attractive person you saw in reach. Sammy’s not the type you go for – too muscular or whatever – so it’s Red. You should recognize that it’s not real; it’s nothing to do with her as a person; it’s just your pattern.” His prepared sounding speech came to an end as he placed a hand on Alex’s shoulder.

Disgust glazing over his eyes, Alex dropped his shoulder recoiling from the contact like it might burn him. His voice was not gentle, with the sound of his scowl in each syllable, “You really think I’m that pathetic, huh?”

“In a few days or weeks, it’ll go away, all this, and you will feel like a complete idiot for acting like you are.”

“If you know that it’s not going to last, then why are you being such a prick? Why don’t you let me have a little fun in my,” he raised his hands, putting air quotes on his last word, “delusion?”

“Is that what Red is to you? Entertainment?” George looked disappointed. “That’s not fair—”

“No.” Alex refused, folding his arms. “I was repeating what you were saying.”

It went quiet; a pin could drop, and the sound would reverberate like in an echo chamber. Sweat beaded up on both men’s foreheads. Tensions unfamiliar to their apartment seemed to raise the temperature beyond boiling. Alex hated arguing – hated arguing with George. It was not something that happened almost ever until…Y/N.

In the silence, George closed his eyes, squeezed them shut as he dipped his chin to his chest. He blew out a harsh breath before straightening up and again opening his mouth. “If you do not listen to me. If you do not listen to yourself – that logical bit that isn’t wank material and how to get canceled – you are going to do something you regret. People will get hurt. Sorry I’m such a massive prick, but I know you, Alex. I know you and you’ll be fine; you always are. You’ll laugh off this ridiculous crush like you did when you were done daydreaming about Tom Holland twenty-four-seven those two months straight after Homecoming came out. You’ll be fine, but Sammy and Red might not be. I don’t want you starting a fight you’re not able to finish.”

Despite standing still with firm feet, Alex backed off. He could not keep holding on in the intense staredown, and he looked away. Folded arms dropped. There would be no response from him, not to that.

“You not saying anything proves my point.” George finished though he was not triumphant sounding. He spoke like something was blocking his throat, “You know what you’ve been doing is wrong, and you know I’m right.”

Taglist: (message to join!) @angelbabyivy @eboysimp @trhtshonf @jaythegay92

#imallexx #imallexx imagine #imallexx x reader #alex elmslie #alex elmslie imagine #alex elmslie x reader #Internet sensation #commentary crew #eboys #memeulous #george memeulous

116 notes · View notes

binkysteebnpewter · 4 years

Text

Of Paper Planes & Teddy Bears

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Fem Reader

Words: 2100+

Summary: Wanda has loved you since you trained her when she joined the avengers. However she’s too afraid to confess all because she’s sure you’re dating the Diner guy.

I used a divider a few times, they’re by: @writeyourmindaway 💗

Warnings: TW:Dissociation, TW: Anxiety Implications, explicit (?) detailing, conspiracy thoughts (just to add flavor 🤷🏻‍♀️).

Taglist: @softpeachbarnes @thejournalman

There was so much that I could say about her. So much good, so much praise, so many compliments that'd sound like Shakespeare had possessed my body to write an entire play solely about how her eyes stared into my soul with just a simple fleeting glance she'd give as we passed each other in the hall. There was so much I could say about her to show someone how much I love her and what I love about her, but that would take too long— even though I knew I could talk about her until my lungs failed to take in air and my heart failed to beat.

What I would utter out was that her attitude was what got me up in the morning, other than the fact she always made breakfast for everyone even though she didn't have to— and her cooking is absolutely blissful if I'm honest. However her coffee is downright dreadful. She liked her coffee way too strong for me or anyone other than Tony and Bruce, who refused to drink theirs any other way now. I didn't see how she could drink it, especially not black with just ONE spoon of honey.

There were those days where sometimes she didn't want to cook and everyone would sometimes go to the nearby diner, and today was one of those days. She had dressed down pretty casual and comfy, but oh— she looked otherworldly in her comfort clothes, dressed to no ones expectations as she held her favorite teddy bear

Sam drove while everyone else talked, but her? She sat playing with a few small paper airplanes, making them fly with psychokinesis. Making one fly out of her course, she stops them all and looks to me. She smiles and one of them unfolds suddenly, refolding quickly. Smiling at the blossom flower, my eyes widen when I moved over and rested in my lap. She smiles to me once more and focuses on her airplanes again, leaving me a storm of emotions.

The time passes like it's racing as we all ordered, waited, receivers, and ate. Some of us were still eating, some were just talking and relaxing. It was peaceful and the diner was never busy enough to draw a crowd to us, thankfully.

"How you gonna be like 'she gotta blonde, she gotta be thick, she gotta be tan'?" She asks, standing up to a guy sitting near us as he dissed his own girlfriend.

"You ain't got the right to be picky. All you packing is a tic-tac.. what you gonna do breath mint?" She asks and he flusters.

"What you gon' do Listerine?" She asks, giving him a look full of utter sass and confidence.

Smiling as the guy flustered and began ignoring her, I nodded and gave her a thumbs up as she turned back around. She smiles to me and laughs a bit.

"Yo! You're here today!" I hear and she turns.

"Mattie! What's up?" She smiles, standing and giving the guy a hug.

Him.

The one I wish I was. The guy who gets to call her baby girl, the guy who gets to stay up and talk on the phone with her for hours, the guy who gets to hear her sleepy voice say those three words I so desperately want to hear and say back.

I love you.

Wanda had left my origami flower in the diner, right on the table with her plate. Did she not like it? Was it the wrong color? I purposefully kept my airplanes folded neatly in the colors black and red, the colors I knew she liked. Was I overthinking all the subtle things? Was I imagining them? It was possible, maybe I'm reading too far into things.

I walked silently across the street from the cemetery, a hat placed on my head and tipped low as I faced the ground. My fingers played with the fidget in my hand, the puzzle fidget I had solved too many times to count now. I was long overdue for a new one, there was no combination of moves someone could do to mess up the colors on my rainbow ball fidget toy to make sure I couldn't return each colored ball to its respective hole too quickly. Wind whipped around me and chilled my skin, my thin jacket doing nothing to keep me warm.

The pigeons, I swear, are staring at me as I walk. Following me, I know it, as I took turns and they stayed right nearby with me from the start of my journey. I was a long way from the compound, that I knew for sure. I'm convinced one day they'll begin recognizing individuals, or that maybe they're not even real— robots maybe. Do we ever see them sleep? Do the power lines charge them when they rest upon them? Do they video people and record conversations? Is this how the government truly finds wanted people?

A bus loops around and around, passing through the old streets. The neighborhoods of old tenement houses, public schools, coffee shops, and candy stores. Sidewalks lined with cart shops, their goods ranging from street food to newspapers and tourist spots. I haven't seen the bus stop once as it's passed by one time after another, yet there are always less and less people aboard it with each pass. Has it even stopped? Why come down this road so many times? Is it forever stuck in this route? Is it in limbo— wait, can objects be stuck in limbo?

dO UnITs hAVe a SoUL??

I pass a hot dog stand, the grilled hot dogs looked oddly like fingers to my eyes and I suppress a gag. Do they bleed when you bite into them? Is the juice metallic tasting? Is the texture— Let's stop there, yeah let's stop there.

I head to subway station to realize I had been in the Brooklyn-Queens area, my numb fingers aching as I swiped my subway card. I stand as far from people as I could, the suffocating feeling of the subway closing in. The scent of the train car was musty and pungent, like old sneakers in a gym locker and rotten food found in the home of a hoarder who'd dropped their food and never found it to pick up and throw away. My fingers pause in the motion of scrambling my fidget as I realize the conductor was making an announcement, I caught on too late. Asking the man nearby if he'd heard the announcement, I shuddered when he gave me a simple rat-like smile and said nothing with a shrug.

I guess I'll never know.

I feel as though someone is watching me and Natasha's words play through my head. 'If you feel like someone's watching you, it's because someone is.' Do I look for them? Do I make eye contact and sass them? No, don't. Really don't, never trust a man or even a women on the train this late at night— I have no clue why they're up, or why I'm up even. I had woke with a feeling of dread and left without a single thought about it, the compound had felt too stuffy and small— despite its size.

The compound was... a mystery to me. It was large and spacious yet at times it felt like it closed in on me, suffocating like a 5x5 room. It made me feel like SCP 096 in his airtight steel cube room, watched yet not seen.

I step off the train at a random stop, heading out back into the chilly night air to continue an aimless walk through a concrete jungle shaped like a maze of looming buildings that wait— wait for the perfect moment to swallow me whole like a fly in the air, gone like I had never even buzzed in someone's ear.

Walking off the sidewalk and into a parking lot, I glance around. The parking lot may seem empty but I don't trust it, there are cars here— I know there are. They just don't want me to see them yet. They like to hide, spook me when I'm not paying attention once more. The building seems to expend as I enter with my membership card in hand, I'm sure I'll never understand how everything fits inside this place— just like I'll never understand where all the shoppers in here come from, even so late.

Are they even people?

I don't know how long I've been in here before I begin to become hungry, taking notice of the samples being handed out. Don't trust it, never trust it— you don't know if that person is sick or has done something to the food. Buy something and make it yourself, or buy a packaged snack— some fruit even. I cannot find check out, and the lady I had passed only gave me an eerie smile when I asked how to get to check out.

What is up with people and not knowing the answers to questions tonight?

I sit motionless, vaguely aware i was on the floor in the kitchen. I was also vaguely aware it was some time past 4am, when I returned from my late name wander. However something is wrong, something is staring. I do not know what nor do I think I want to know, yeah... I don’t want to know— I never will want to know.

It feels as if I’m staring at the back of my own head, watching as blurs vibrate and buzz off me and disappear into the air. I was staring, but staring where? At what? What color is it? What shape does it take? Is it smooth or textured? Is it decorative or a utensil?

I want to reach and touch myself, reassure myself that I am, in fact, here— that I am tangible and existing. So I reach up to touch my forehead, but everything blues— freezes. It was like something had stopped me from proving I was tangible, but I didn’t know what stopped me. I can’t figure it out, I’m sure at this point I don’t want to figure it out.

Do not touch my own face, that is asking for trouble. Something has warned me not to do it, and blindly I will take the unseen things advice.

My mind feels cloudy? No, it feels foggy. Not quite... It feels as if someone has steamed it, the moisture leaking out my eyes— I am crying with a dull expression as I sit on the kitchen floor, barely aware I even exist. This skin isn’t even my own, who’s is it? Did I steal it? Did I win it? Did we swap? How do I give it back? It is uncomfortable and suffocating, irritating like a sunburn.

Who am I? Am I a spectator? Am I a player? Am I winning? What am I playing? What am I spectating? Are others here? Is this a competition? Where are the controls?

I’d like to take the controls now.

It was a very faint and ghostly feeling of a hand touching mine that made me obscurely aware my hand had never dropped from moving to touch my own face. How long ago was that? The world was a blur, scratchy and set in black and white like a very old VHS tape. I didn’t know how long it was of those ghostly hands rubbing my upper arms and occasionally wiping my face and eyes, but the feeling of those motions became more prominent— heavier and more tangible.

Eventually, my world came into color and the first thing I could see was red. Brown hair that was lazily held in a messy ponytail, skin adorned with a pair of red pajamas, green eyes that seemed so soft and worried as they met mine.

“You’re with me, miere?” She asks softly and I touch her hand that was cupping my cheek.

She is real.

She’s here, tangible, existing.

So I am real, tangling, existing— because she is talking to ME.

“Miere?”

“Please don’t leave me alone...”

“I am not going to leave, Miere. I am right here, don’t worry.. I am always right here.”

“I love you..”

“Miere?”

Meeting her green eyes, they seemed so bright but so cautious. Why? Squeezing her hand that had been holding mine, the corners of my lips tugged up a bit.

“I love you Wanda..”

“I... I love you too, Miere. I, I thought you were dating... Mattie?”

“Mattie..?” I mumble, confused.

Who is Mattie? Do I know a Mattie? Surely I do, she wouldn’t have mentioned a Mattie if I didn’t and— Oh, the diner Mattie.

“No, I’m not dating Mattie.. He was my friend from school.” I admit, his face now fresh in my head.

“Besides, I don’t like guys.”

“Are you... are you gay?”

“Of course I’m gay.”

#marvel #wanda maximoff x fem reader #wanda x fem reader #female reader insert #reader insert #avengers #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff one shot #tw: dissociation #tw: anxiety implications #Wanda Maximoff Fluff

56 notes · View notes

raleigh-ocean · 4 years

Text

danielle’s archive | headcanons

☾ - sleep headcanon

Oh, Danielle’s sleep schedule is absolutely bonkers. But she knew what was she signing up for the second she chose her career, being completely honest. There are days in which it’s pretty easy to see is fucking her up really bad, but most of the time she’s can handle it - and everyone who knows her is mad worried nonetheless. However, Dani ‘developed’ a ‘superpower’ which she mastered the most when Damien was a baby.

She can fall asleep anywhere at will and get actual rest.

It’s fucking madness, no joke. Sometimes she just closed her eyes while breastfeeding and there, after that, she was all energy and ‘let’s go’. Then sometimes she’s writing something on her computer and she’s sensing an incoming headache, she leans back on her chair and twenty minutes later she’s on her way to finish the report. Bastien, her ex-husband, was pretty much used to it and didn’t comment much, even going further to actually put a blanket, his own hoodie or something over her; but Audrey, oh boy, she’s still getting her way around this and it’s pretty vocal about ‘please Danielle, go lie down’.

Danielle needs to fix this, she deeply knows it, but until she gets where she wants to be, that’s the only way she knows and has been working since her college days.

★ - sad headcanon

There’s something about Danielle that is off. Everyone can see her laughing, living, doing her things, being ‘normal’ but for Danielle...well, she feels restless. Restless because during all her life Dani has been on a permanent breaking point, this line she always walks in because it’s the only way she can feel ‘alive’, the only way she feels she can give everything from herself.

And when there’s no need for her to keep that level of pushing herself, Dani feels restless and like her life isn’t going anywhere. It's a sad feeling that way, as if you have to be at two hundred percent all the time. Damien and Dara might be the only ones to actually know this and try to keep things easy for her, both from their position as daughter and cousin respectively.

If you are attentive enough, you might catch this restlessness sometimes, when she’s idly doing house chores or merely some daily stuff. Billie is getting it as of lately, taking in count she’s trying to get well with Danielle - and Danielle is trying that as well, to get well with Billie.

☆ - happy headcanon

Danielle always has felt that she missed many opportunities to enjoy things and actually be happy due to her own inner turmoil. Situations in which everyone was all over the place, she went through them with a fake smile to please them and hide whatever problem she was going through at the time.

It’s like there’s something capping her, making her unable to fully reach that state of healthy euphoria and only adding up bad stuff at all what she helds inside. I think Danielle would be fully free from this once she understands that it’s okay to lay back at times, to let things go, even miss some chances, in order to not burn herself and breathe.

This said, I think divorcing Bastien - as much as it was, in the end, something both agreed to - was a good start on trying to find that happiness Danielle needs.

☠ - angry/violent headcanon

All her life Danielle has heard she was loud when angry, not only big words and feelings but also her voice and way of expressing herself.

And all of this has only made Dani to grow more quiet but also more intense, making her a ticking bomb ready to explode at any second. As of now, she has reached a point in which at times it is really difficult to say if she’s angry unless you’re looking at her face to face. The feeling is all over her features, not matching at all her tone or the way she acts. It’s scary though, really scary. And don’t let me start when she’s like piling up different situations she managed to avert, because eventually they are coming back all at the same time.

Of course, if you want Danielle to explode for real, remind her not to be ‘so loud’ or - and Billie knows this really well - try to tell her what to do when she’s mad as fuck. All I can say that you literally signed up for a free trip to Hell.

✿ - Sex headcanon

To the contrary belief, Danielle is someone pretty active, sexually talking.

As in, everyone thinks she isn’t that interested even because she actually doesn't talk much about these things. Even her reactions upon hearing something remotely close makes her blush and get all embarrassed, but this is because she’s a really private person. She loves having a safe place in which she can be comfortable with it, so it’s pretty rare seeing her more open in front of others about the whole topic.

Her partners can totally confirm this. Bastien, in his side of things, was okay with this because he’s a pretty private person as well and both had a dynamic that worked well around this; meanwhile Audrey is having a bit of a hard time adjusting to it, because she’s more open with it, not Billie and Dara’s kind of open, but she isn’t shy either. Whoever when they actually are alone, it’s easier for Danielle to slip in this side of her that always leaves Audrey breathless.

■ - Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon

Well, there’s one thing that’s always present around the house and it gives Danielle a massive rush of relief: puzzles. You know these wooden games that have like many pieces? or those others that are made of thick wire? I don’t know what’s the actual name, okay, I think they’re called in english jigsaw puzzles, brain puzzles? I’m not sure, for real, help. But well, those are Danielle's favourite and she has them around the house.

Not only is something really interesting, maybe a bit nerdy if you go deeper, but it’s actually cute. Dani knows how to resolve every single one she owns and Damien is always on a quest to buy her one that actually gives her a challenge. Bastien, when they were married, bought her several from time to time and loved to see how she resolved them, saying it was actually sexy. For Audrey is mesmerizing because she fucking sucks at these, but she got Danielle to teach her how to solve some and that made them bond over something Dani was passionate about, instead of being the other way.

Sometimes she does them just to kill some time, but other times it helps her destress or refocus.

Also, it isn’t weird to find sensory toys as well. Like those you squeeze? Dani has always one in her bag, in her desk at work, in the glove box, and around the house as well. She actually loves those that are animal shaped with sand inside the most, because she can throw them up and down easily.

And how to forget a collection of Rubik's cubes Tiffany bought her during her pregnancy, those ones are her second most favourite thing and had lasted for sixteen years, mostly because Tiffany has repaired them many times for Danielle because she knew how much she loves them. Also she gifted Dani a fidget twelve-sided cube that became her first favorite thing in the world and Tiffany also keeps repairing it because Dani actually told her that she was going to have a breakdown if she replaced it for a new one - she got way too attached because the damn thing was that one that worked the most wonders on her.

♡ - romantic headcanon

Danielle really sucks at being romantic, this is obvious for everyone who has been involved with her at some point.

That’s why she had many boyfriends and some girlfriends during high school and college. They saw her as this unapproachable person they needed to have without knowing her too much and when they finally had the chance to be with her...well, the real Danielle came in.

Bastien fell in love with the fierceness Danielle showed for things she was passionate about and he was romantic enough for both, so little by little some things ended up rubbing off on Dani but still held this awkwardness she always had. Before all of that, Tiffany managed to find the good side of it and she filled the void being her all-over-the-place self, even managed to get some tiny bits of romantic stuff from Dani, and maybe that’s why Tiffany always found and would find Dani prone to improve in this.

Audrey came into Dani's life by the time she managed to learn how to be a bit romantic, but also found her awkwardness and habits part of the whole process. I think Audrey was the only one not wanting her to change nor stay the same, she is more proactive and willing to lead Dani through her own experience. It’s true that in the beginning it was a huge shock for Audrey, taking in count the last four years she had been with two big romantics, but after a while she’s learning to create a better environment for Danielle to be who she truly is and do any change she wants to do.

♥ - family headcanon

Danielle has always felt...alienated? with the concept of family. More than alienated, I would say a bit traumatized by it. And it’s all because of her own family, sadly.

She comes from a big family and she has seen tons of stuff, even more since she’s the second oldest - Danna and her are twins, yeah, but Danna is actually the oldest -, so let’s say the ‘expectations’ were too heavy on her regarding this topic. I mean, they’re four siblings on her side, then on Dara's side are five, their other cousins are two and then Dahlia is the only one...and I think this actually made ‘their generation’ to not have many more than two kids. And also, she always planned to not have kids until probably her late thirties or never. She even thought Danna would manage to get a baby somehow first.

Which allows me to introduce you to this: Danielle never planned getting pregnant with Damien.

Yeah it was a completely surprise, Bastien and her never having ‘hey, maybe we should have a kid’ talk, and she was really close to have an abortion, but she decided otherwise at the end after talking through and through with Bastien about it. Everything plus her life at the moment, put the worst toll over her to be completely honest, it was the worst combination of all times possible that made her depression and anxiety get even worse as well, little by little. And that made Danielle think that maybe it was truly her fault that Damien was born way earlier than expected and other ‘bad’ things - as Damien being sick all the time, problems making friends, etc - that would happen to her while growing up.

Many times she feels the worst mother ever when she goes back in the memory line - and also in the present -, not gonna lie in here, but then Damien turns around and smiles with the might of a tiny sun and many of those fears go away because hey, maybe she did something good along the way, right?

I don’t think Danielle would like to have another one, anyway.

☮ - friendship headcanon

Danielle takes way too long trusting people and that made her someone who doesn’t have many friends at all, but those she has are pretty much ‘ride or die’ friends. Back in Sacramento until her college days, she only maintained two friendships and one of them is her childhood jock friend, Naresh, and the other one is actually her old ‘rival’ in the debate club in high school, Charlotte.

Then when she moved to Canada and the only one person she managed to truly count as a friend was her co-worker at the time, Tiffany, and then she became her true best friend. Naresh and Charlotte are her best friends as well, but Tiffany is on another level for her. And now that she’s in Los Angeles, well, she’s getting fond of this junior at her new job named Joey, a girl that’s really bubbly but keen, and she’s also befriending Billie, to everyone’s surprise, because God knows they didn’t get on well with each other in the beginning.

The thing that hated the most was that many moms of Damien’s old school thought she was pretty friendly but Danielle hated them all and went as far as give everyone a nickname in base which thing she hated the most about them, so Damien had to remind her many times which were their actual names before get togethers or parent’s reunions.

♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon

Unfortunately Danielle doesn’t have much time in between work and everything else, so her ‘hobby’ time it’s always reduced to those days she wakes a bit earlier and goes for a run. She loves running, since she was very young actually, and she did atletism in both high school and then college, which this last one was how she got the scholarship. But after she finished her career, Danielle knew she wouldn’t have much more time to keep practicing or even go further with it.

So the only thing left for her to do is those early morning jogs, which help greatly when she’s feeling a bit more under the weather.

This makes her think at times that maybe she could have tried to go bigger with atletism, but then she remembers how much more she loves her job and lets herself enjoy what she chose in the end. With Naresh, her best friend, they sometimes talk about their time on the track team and such with fondness and Charlotte always roll her eyes, adding how much hated them at times for making her wake up way too early to watch them compete.

☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon

Many people think that Danielle is someone complicated, with refined tastes and coherent dislikes and maybe sometimes giving off this weird vibe of 'is she truly human?'.

But the reality is that Danielle is the most simple woman when it comes to like and dislike stuff. Per example, she loves rainy days and puppies, those are her biggest known likes, along with reading and probably running. And she's so content when she can do two at the same time? It truly makes a change in her demeanor the rest of the day if she's able to have a tiny dose of these.

And things she dislikes are pretty...petty stuff.

She hates when people use exits as entries and vice versa, she dislikes when people touch fruit to see if it's good enough to pick, or many other random things that are too tiny and rare that hardly ever happen, but Danielle has a whole ass list of why she doesn't like it. Damien even restrains herself from tapping her fingers over any surface when her mom is around because the sounds makes her feel uneasy.

▼ - childhood headcanon

Danielle had so much pressure on her when she was younger that she has an actual hard time to remember her younger self. After their parents knew Danna was getting wilder and wilder while growing up, Danielle became the one her family put more and more expectations on. Might it be because she was good at school or because she was ‘more mature’ than many children at her age, they tended to rely on her heavily for everything. Not only her parents, but also her aunts - the only one treating her fairly was her uncle Cedric.

It doesn’t help that her siblings and many of her cousins looked up to her when they were younger, taking in count she was the one they always came for solutions. Dwelling in this more specifically, Danna has always looked up to her twin sister in almost a devoted way, per example, and Dahlia always tried to be more like Danielle as well, even when Dani herself had a hard time handling both because of their personalities.

However, with Dara this is different. Dara has always been the most perceptive one of them all, probably thanks to a mix of her own powers and how she is, and she saw how building a pedestal higher and higher for Danielle would only make her fall harder. So Dara always took the extra effort to be more available for Dani, she avoided putting her on a pedestal and just be prepared in case she started to fall. It’s true that Dara always goes with Dani when things get hard, however she doesn’t go to her for a solution but more to be listened, which Danielle always accept and can provide her rare loving ways to make Dara feel better instead of fixing her like everyone else ask her to.

∇ -. old age/aging headcanon

Between the stress and her genetics - thanks to her dad -, Danielle has accepted that her hair will be probably half white by the time she hits fifty. It's truly no joke, even Danna worries about how her twin has many, many, many, more white hairs than she has - which are many too, but not like Dani.

This acceptance is also a way for her to see that she's getting older, that she looks back at when she woke up by Danna's side every morning and then to the present and she can see that she's actually wiser than before...and also stronger, as much as she sometimes forgets it. She doesn't mind seeing lines in her face, Dani actually thinks they have some charm of their own as much as she knows how the ninety percent of them are due to her stressful life.

Audrey finds this not only charming but couraging, taking in count how much she suffers from the 'getting older' part of life. It helps her tremendously having an actual good example near, instead of being surrounded by things and people that didn't help at all to ease that big insecurity of her without being radical and harsh about it.

Danielle makes it seem natural, not something you worry much about, and Audrey loves that. With Billie she has the same feeling, but having Dara being the biggest counterpart sometimes annulate that effect without noticing.

♒ - cooking/food headcanon

Danielle is such a picky eater? It’s unbelievable, I swear to God. But you know what kind of picky eater she is? Those that always suck it up and eat the food the same, even when they hate it with all their might. And believe me when I say, that’s kind of scary, because none really know if she’s enjoying the food or not.

That’s why she’s always wary when invited somewhere for dinner or lunch in a new place, well, more than wary she’s worried. With her family is like a russian roulette, but at least she knows which dishes she likes the most, from whom - like she doesn’t like most of the food her mother cooks, but she likes her aunt Carla’s, per example - and how to avoid being called out. Danna has an on-going list of dishes she has cooked to Danielle and which she liked or absolutely despised. Dara was always mindful of tiny details, so when she invites Dani over she plays safe and cooks her favourites.

All of this actually makes it hard for Danielle to try new stuff, always sticking to her regular choices.

☼ - appearance headcanon

The blessing of the lawyers.

That's what I like to call that ability lawyers have of dressing always on point, no matter which occasion. Danielle's wardrobe is full of dressing pants, blazers, shirts - plain colours and patterned, which she loves the most -, some skirts here and there and a few dresses. And all of them fit her and combine so well that Audrey sometimes wonders if Danielle is gifted for that. And don't make me start on the shoes, because Audrey finds amusing how Danielle has many more heels, boots and shoes than her.

Which is the funniest part of Audrey thinking she's gifted, because Danielle have literally no fucking clue about fashion and mostly picks everything out based on how much she likes stuff.

And that can be seen at home, that random style showing up in sweatpants and sweaters with vibrant colours or her work out clothes. She owns plain ones, of course, but it's absolutely obvious which ones are her favourites.

Also, her favourite item of clothing are yarn sweaters. She has many in different colours and there's one that's her absolute favourite that's her father's, he gifted it to her the Christmas of the same year Damien was born and she holds it very close to her. Audrey loves to borrow Danielle's sweaters as well, the fabric too big for her but giving her an irresistible look that Danielle has grown to love, as much as they can't use many sweaters in Los Angeles. Damien deadass stole her favourite one from her mother and another one from her father and wears them any occasion she can, can be at home or going to school, it doesn't matter.

Danielle, sometimes, when she is doing laundry and sees Bastien's old sweater, she hugs it against her chest and closes her eyes, because she does miss many good days by his side.

ൠ - random headcanon

Everyone in the house knows that when Danielle has a day off or she’s at home without work or something to do, it’s her time for television.

Like Audrey and Damien have the television all by themselves always, but when Dani is in these settings? Oh heck to the no, it’s her time. And you’ll say, what in Heavens does she watch? Well, I’m gonna be honest with you, chief...Danielle absolutely loves to watch DIY programs, she’s mostly hooked up with the one where they buy castles in France and remodel the whole damn thing? Yeah, that one is her drug.

But she also loves the ones with the bride dresses. God, she’s always having fun planning how to sue everyone in those goddamned shows if it gets the bride to choose what she wants. She’s really invested though.

It’s endearing, to be honest, taking in count how she is. Dwelling on the simple and maybe stupid things it’s mostly what helps her to get going.

#danielle bishop #the originals #the originals headcanons #the originals random headcanons

13 notes · View notes

salthaven · 4 years

Text

Stupid and in Love, P5

Chapter Five: La Paonne, Master of Illusions (Or Better Yet, Lies)

Nino is a chill guy. He’s always been known for keeping his calm, going with the flow. He’s not the kind of dude who gets upset over small things, or jealous when someone else has a crush on Marinette…

Okay, Evillustrator was a completely different thing. That...that was him being a hero! Protecting her from evil.

(It’s a story for another time, thank you!)

But yeah. Nino is super chill. Like, ice cube chill.

So why does the new girl get on his nerves so badly?

She seems pleasant, too. A transfer, daughter of an Italian ambassador. The girl, Lila just wants to make friends. She’s nothing but sweet, with a cheerfulness to match Adrien’s and a kindness that parallels Marinette...so why does she rub Nino the wrong way?

He asks Wayzz about his gut feeling, the Kwami shrugs.

“Sometimes the human subconscious can pick up on danger that you may not otherwise perceive,” the small turtle says calmly as they hide in the empty bathroom. “Perhaps you should look into the matter.”

So he does, because his little buddy is never wrong about this stuff. (Nino thinks it’s cause the Kwami is roughly a bajillion years old, but he won’t say that out loud. Respect your elder gods and all.)

He follows her to the library, where she talks with Adrien. Adrien, his best bro, who is holding a book on...is that a hero? Are those...Miraculous wielders?

Huh. Nino should probably tell Ladybug about that, huh?

Nino hears shuffling, and glances around. And then he blinks, surprised, because he sees Marinette eyeing the new girl, Lila, with curiosity. She, too, seems distrustful of the girl. Nino wonders if she has the same weird feeling, or if there’s something else Marinette is thinking.

Maybe Marinette is just feeling shy.

The sound of books falling makes Nino look away, and he sees Lila and Adrien on the ground, picking up Adrien’s books as Lila apologizes for knocking them over, with Adrien waving off her apologies before walking off, books in hand.

Nino hums lightly, wondering why the feeling isn’t gone, and then he looks to Marinette.

And he sees the ways her eyes narrow, and she starts to follow Lila.

He follows her.

“What’s up, Nette?” He asks when he reaches her, making sure Lila doesn’t hear his voice.

Marinette jumps, turning on him with wide eyes.

“Not much, Nino! Were- were you looking for something?” She’s fidgeting, glancing around, trying to look natural.

She’s an awful liar, but it just makes Nino smile. It just shows how amazing she is, that she’s always so honest.

“I saw you following Lila,” he admits. “Why?”

“I think she took his book,” she whispers the confession after a few seconds, and Nino scowls.

“I knew something was up with her! Don’t worry Nette, I’ll handle this.” And then he’s storming off, trying to find her, missing the way Marinette blinks and looks to her own Kwami, trying to find answers that the little goddess doesn’t have.

Nino finds Lila leading Adrien to the park, smiling and giggling. Adrien follows, responding with ease.

They stop in a secluded area, and Nino hides among the trees, eyes trained on Lila.

He won’t lose track of her, not this time…

“So, what did you want to tell me?” Adrien asks, as happy as always.

Lila giggles, leaning in. “Well, I noticed how much you love heroes, what with your book and all…”

“Oh!” Adrien blushes, smiling. “Yeah, the heroes are really cool. Especially Ladybug. Did you see how she took down the latest Akuma? She’s so awesome.” Then Adrien pauses and laughs awkwardly. “Wait, you couldn’t have. You just moved here.”

“Yes, the fight was so intense!” Lila gasps, it’s over exaggerated and makes Nino wary. He glances away for a second, locking eyes with Wayzz, who seems just as wary. “I mean, from what I’ve heard.”

“Uh, okay?” Adrien tries to brush it off, willing to ignore the weird response, but Lila sighs.

“I can’t hide this anymore. You seem really sweet, Adrien, and I’d hate to keep this a secret. You’re trustworthy, right?” Lila giggles when Adrien nods. “Of course you are. I’m going to tell you something, but you have to keep quiet about this, okay?”

“Sure, what’s the matter?”

“You see...I’m actually a hero, too,” Lila confides, and Nino feels his eyes widen. There’s no way she is, right? Unless...is she Rena Rouge?!

“Really?” Adrien gasps out, and Lila nods.

“Really!” And Nino watches her pull out a peacock themed broach. “I’m actually a secret hero named La Paonne. I work from the shadows to help Ladybug and her team.”

Nino sees the way Adrien blinks, how he hesitates and his excitement dims. And he feels the way his blood boils.

He’s normally calm. He’s normally chill, relaxed, laid back-

But there is no Peacock hero. At least, there isn’t at the moment. And Nino knows Ladybug would have told them if they had a teammate, especially someone that worked from the shadows!

He doesn’t know what upsets him more- that the new girl is trying to claim to be a savior of Paris to make herself look better, or that she’s lying to his best friend.

The second, because Adrien finally blinks and smiles. “Wow, that’s amazing! I didn’t even know there was a secret hero!”

“That’s the point, silly.” She giggles again, the sound making Nino scowl even more, and then taps his nose playfully. “Ladybug trusted me to guard her back, we are best friends after all.”

Nino feels his hands curl into fists as Wayzz whispers, “The Peacock Miraculous was lost long ago, and it was broken. Whatever that girl has, that isn’t Dusuu’s Miraculous.” He adjusts his own Miraculous, the bracelet charm shining in the light.

“I think it’s time she sees a real hero,” Nino decides. “Wayzz, shell-”

“Just who do you think you are?” Rena Rouge’s voice cuts through the air as she leaps out from behind a bush, and Wayzz zips into Nino’s bag.

(They’re lucky that Rena didn’t notice them.)

“I- I’m-” Lila tries, but Rena is nothing but pure rage right now.

“A liar, that’s what! Let me tell you, little miss, we don’t have a Peacock hero! And if we did, it wouldn’t be you. It’d be someone fighting by our side, because we don’t do shadow work. That’s Hawkmoth, because he’s a coward. If you were a hero, you’d know that we risk our lives to get up close and personal with Akumas to protect Paris. I don’t appreciate hearing some little teenager trying to take credit for the risks we take so she can impress some boy, thank you very much.” With one last huff, Rena Rouge turns around and jumps away, disappearing quickly.

Nino looks back to the scene. Adrien looks taken aback, and Lila...Lila looks pissed. The Italian runs off before Adrien can even say a word.

Nino takes that as his cue to leave. He doesn’t notice that Adrien’s book is in the trash can nearby, and neither does the blonde as he walks away.

And nobody notices Marinette as she slips onto the scene afterward, urged on by Tikki.

~~~~~

“What is it?” The bluenette asks, unheard as she races after her Kwami.

“I think the book is nearby! It’s important!” Tikki says, darting around. “We need to find it!”

“I just wanted to design,” Marinette moans out. “The sky looked so pretty.”

“You’ll have time later, Marinette! This might be about the Miraculous!”

“What?” Marinette yelps, and then she’s searching just as intently. Five minutes pass, then ten, then-

“I found it, Tikki!” Marinette cheers, yanking the book out of the trash can.

Tikki zips over, eyes scanning the book as Marinette flips through it. “We have to get this to the Guardian!” Tikki blurts out. “Come on, Marinette!”

“Wait, who?” Marinette asks, but Tikki is zipping away. “Tikki!”

“Come on! I’ll answer questions when we’re there!”

Marinette sighs, letting her little friend lead the way. Maybe she’ll get to design later?

She doubts it.

~~~~~

Her doubt was right. She just got relaxed, she just finished all of her homework and was about to chill on her balcony, with nothing but her sketchbook and some pencils to pass the time…

When some fudging Peacock snatched her and ran off.

“You’re in danger, little lunare,” the bird cooes as she darts along the Parisian sky.

“Huh?” Marinette responds, ever the eloquent gal.

“A man was Akumatized, he’s stalking down beautiful girls. Apparently he was rejected by someone, and believes he’s owed love from everyone now. He was climbing up your house.” Her mysterious heroine glares behind her, huffing, then turns her gaze back to Marinette. “I knew I couldn’t let such a beauty be harmed, so I swooped in without a second thought.”

Marinette blushes at the heroine’s words. “Ah..thank you, uh…”

“Call me La Paonne.” La Paonne smiles. “Your personal guardian.”

Marinette giggles. “Thank you, La Paonne, I-” She hesitates, the girl’s words striking a bell.

Guardian?

Marinette recalls the rest of her lunch period. How she ran after Tikki and learned of the existence of a Miraculous Guardian. How she met the man, and recognized him as the one she helped to cross the road on her first day of school. How they talked about the book and quickly made a copy, as she knew she’d have to return the original to Adrien soon.

...How she saw a Peacock hero...one who looks oddly similar to the one who holds her now, who claims that they saved her from an approaching Akuma that neither she nor Tikki noticed.

And just as Marinette starts to doubt the mysterious girl that continues to dart across Paris, her judgement is confirmed.

Because her actual hero leaps in front of them.

And he looks pissed.

~~~~~

Nino didn’t expect Lila to get Akumatized.

Okay, no. He kind of did. Rena Rouge definitely didn’t hold back when yelling at the Italian.

But why at night? Nino just wanted to patrol, to get some fresh air, maybe some inspiration for his music.

Instead, Carapace finds himself face to face with ‘La Paonne’. And to make matters worse? His Nette is currently being carried in her arms.

“Who are you?” Carapace growls out, on edge, and he sees the way Nette tenses in fear, eyes darting to her holder and back to him.

“I’m La Paonne.” She smiles easily, but he sees how she shifts. He does, too, pressing a button on his shield, calling his team and sending his location. “Ladybug chose me to work in the background and help you. I’ve tried to stay out of sight, to be a hidden trick-”

“Then why are you out now?” He growls out, but he knows. Nette seems to realize the problem, because her eyes are scanning the area, more frantic than before, and he can see the way she fidgets.

“She was in danger,” La Paonne says calmly. “I saved her from an Akuma. He’s still on the loose, though, so it’s best to go after him.” She smiles, holding Marinette a little closer. “I’ll protect her, or-”

“I will protect her,” Carapace bites out. “I don’t know who this Akuma is, or where he is, but if you do, I trust that you’ll deal with them. We don’t need any hidden partners, so you might as well show the world you exist.” He’s lying, he knows who the Akuma is, but La Paonne thinks he buys her act.

“I suppose you’re right. Take care of her.” La Paonne hands her over, and Carapace smirks as he hears two sets of footsteps landing behind him.

“Shellter,” Carapace says calmly, and a glowing green dome surrounds him and his Nette.

“What? What’s that all about?” La Paonne asks, and Carapace barks out a laugh.

“I know an Akuma when I see one, and I don’t appreciate one that tries to hurt others to further their goal,” he states.

“Took you this long to get Akumatized?” Rena Rouge asks. “I suppose you’re good at lying to yourself, too, Lila.”

La Paonne snarls, leaping at Rena Rouge and Chat Noir, and the battle begins.

~~~~~

Marinette watches with wide eyes as two of her teammates fight La Paonne, unable to leave the protective dome that Carapace created around them.

Speaking of, her hero kneels beside her. He gazes at her with concern, asking, “Are you alright? She didn’t hurt you, did she?”

“No!” Marinette squeaks out, blushing. “I’m, uh, fit as a fiddle!” Who says that?

Carapace seems relieved by her answer, though. “That’s good to hear, br- beautiful.” His dome flickers, and he winces. “My shellter will only last a bit longer, and then I’ll only have five minutes. The moment it wears out, I’m getting you out of here, okay?”

He called her beautiful. Carapace called her beautiful. He thinks she’s pretty!

Oh, oh he asked her a question didn’t he?

“Okay!” She says, then winces as she hears Chat Noir knock into a chimney. Her teammates are getting hurt, and she’s here talking to Carapace...she’s not even suited up yet.

So Marinette sighs and looks around. She spots a few things quickly. A doorway, letting her down into the apartments they landed on. A pipe, just laying on the ground. And Carapace’s shield, which he holds in one hand.

“Hey, Carapace?” She starts, and all of his attention goes to her.

“Yes, beautiful?”

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes.” His lack of hesitation surprises her, but then Marinette beams.

“Follow my lead.” And then she takes his shield and hits the dome, shattering it.

“Hey!” He screams, but she’s on the move. The crash startles La Paonne, distracting her long enough that Rena gets a good punch in. By the time the Akuma is back up, Marinette has the pipe in her hands.

“Why you mangy fox, I’ll make you pa-”

La Paonne is cut off when she gets hit in the head by a pipe. She turns to see the cause, but the door slams behind Marinette as she darts into the building.

Seconds later, Ladybug swings around the building and kicks La Paonne in the face, knocking her down. She snatches the broach, breaks it, and purifies the Akuma.

And then she looks to Lila.

“What happened?” Lila asks, then sees the broach in Ladybug’s hand. “Was I...oh no.”

“It happens to the best of us,” Ladybug tries to console the girl. “What happened?”

“I..I was trying to befriend this one boy,” Lila says softly. “And...I saw that he liked heroes. I thought, I thought,” she starts to cry, “I thought if I was a hero, he’d like me more.”

“But lying about being a heroine isn’t right,” Rena huffs out.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t realize it would be so offensive,” Lila cries, and Rena’s gaze softens. Chat fidgets, unsure what to do as the girl cries. Even Carapace seems remorseful for his anger, although not as much.

“It...it’s fine,” Rena says at last, then turns. “Just don’t do it again, got it?”

“Of- of course!” Lila promises with a quick nod.

“Great. Bye, guys.” Rena hops off.

Chat Noir sighs. “I need to head home. See you guys next time.”

Carapace opens his mouth to speak, but his Miraculous beeps, cutting him off. “Shoot,” he mutters. “Ladybug, can you check on Marinette?”

“Marinette?” Lila asks, confused.

“I will before I leave. Go on, Carapace.”

Carapace leaps away with thanks on his lips, and Ladybug excuses herself. She darts into the apartment building and detransforms. Two minutes later, Marinette races to the roof, where Lila stares at the Parisian sky.

“Lila?” Marinette asks, forcing herself to sound confused. “Were you La Paonne?”

Lila nods, and Marinette can see the tears. “What did I do to you?”

“Nothing bad!” Marinette promises. “You just...well, you kind of kidnapped me?”

Lila stares at her with wide eyes. “I what?!”

“It’s not the worst thing, honestly. I, uh, enjoyed the view?”

Lila giggles, and Marinette starts laughing, too.

“Well, can I...can I walk you home? It’s the least I can do,” Lila offers, and Marinette agrees.

As they walk, Lila admits to Marinette the same thing she told Ladybug moments before.

“I just… I just wanted to impress him. Is that so bad?” Lila asks, voice soft and quiet, but echoing in the streets.

“No, it’s not. I’m not a fan of liars, but I can see the appeal. Honestly, Lila, I don’t think you need to lie to impress anyone. You seem amazing as you are.” Marinette smiles, missing the way Lila blushes.

“You seem amazing, too,” Lila responds.

The rest of the walk is peaceful, and Marinette finds design inspiration in the twinkling skies, and a new friend under the streetlights.

Perhaps the day wasn’t a waste.

(A few blocks away, Nino has the feeling that he has competition, but doesn’t know why.)

~~~~~ Wow, it’s been far too long since I last wrote for this! I had toyed with the idea of going in order, but I...well, I was in a Lilanette mood? So if you want to see Evillustrator and how that played out (or maybe see some other episode?), hit me up and send me a request, and I’ll see what I can do!! Tags: @northernbluetongue @indecisive-mess-named-me @magnitude101999 @crazylittlemunchkin @allolale @immatureidiot101 @bee-wrecker @demigodgirl20031

#Stupid and in Love #caranette #lilanette

163 notes · View notes

tameila · 4 years

Text

give me one good honest touch

Characters/Pairings: Pike & Scanlan, Pikelan

Summary: [~2k words, TSAR ‘verse] the makeup scene in chapter 4 of TSAR but from Scanlan’s POV Warnings: none, this is PG for ‘please (be) gentle with Scanlan he’s extremely touch-starved and in love’ Notes: thank you @humble-wayside-flower for suggesting this scene! I have a lot of grievances about the first handful of chapters of TSAR because I don’t think they hold up in terms of continuity. During the first handful of chapters, I was still setting up TSAR to be a much different story, so I always look back and think that I made Scanlan too “mindlessly flirty” or failed to reflect the weight and duration of their relationship to each other. but still! there’s so many things I love about those early chapters, especially chapter 4, so it was fun to find a way to keep what I had while also playing with the changes I’d like to make one day.

Pike pulls him in between her legs, and Scanlan’s mind fuzzes at the edges. It doesn’t mean anything. She’s not even looking at him, already rummaging around in his makeup bag, but all he can think is that he’s close enough to count the freckles on her cheeks and nose. Close enough to admire the wondrous shades of blue that swirl in her eyes framed like masterworks by the dark of her eyeliner. Close enough to do something stupid.

His tongue feels heavy in his mouth, but he manages to mumble, “I have complete faith in you.”

His arm still tingles where she touched it, a burst like the first touch of warmth after a chill, but it doesn’t mean anything. She’s not even looking at him. Scanlan swallows and stares down at his hand upon her knee just to avoid another second of looking at her. He’s close enough to do something stupid.

Case in point, his hand is on her knee. Not intentionally. It kinda just fell there during the pulling, but now it’s there and he itches to touch her. She smells like strawberries, like a meadow and the summer breeze that rolls across it. Sweet. Gentle. Bright. Her eyes are the blue skies. Her lips, darkly tinted and tempting as they are right now, are the sunshine. He wants to bury his face into the crook of her neck and breathe her. He wants to hold her while he works laughter and more from her lips.

It’s not until Pike speaks up that he realizes his hand has moved further up her thigh of its own volition.

“On the counter, please,” she chirps. and she says it’s like she’s teasing him, like she’s a grade school teacher wagging a finger at a mischievous child. He’s glad for her divided attention then as the shame burns hot across his cheeks.

“Right. Yep,” he stumbles over his words, snatching his hand away and slamming it onto the counter. “That’s what I was doing.” His hand smarts from the impact, but he bears it. “Forgive me.”

If Pike notices the sincerity of his words, she does not acknowledge it, humming and rummaging through his makeup bag without a care.

Scanlan holds back the urge to stop her, to tilt her chin away from her task, and have her look him in the eyes as he says it: “Forgive me. I’m not that man”, but he knows he’s given her no reason to think otherwise. Every chance she’s offered, every little flirt and play she’s dangled in front of him, he’s snapped at like a stray begging at her heels. It’s been so easy to fall back into their old game, so easy to play at being the mindless flirt when, in reality, her every touch lingers on him. Her every word skips and repeats in his mind. He kept her letter. He came here in hopes that somehow, by some miracle, it was proof that she felt even a speck of the feeling he did.

It’s not a game anymore. It’s not, but — Fuck. He wants so bad to be what she wants, whatever she wants, so he falls for it every time.

The gentle curl of her fingers on his chin pulls him, eyelids fluttering and breath hitching, from his thoughts, and he only has a moment to refocus before there’s a brush coming towards his eye. Pike waits (graciously) for him to close it, smiling easily while he shifts and settles into some semblance of stillness so she may work.

It’s not an easy task. Perpetual motion eases the mind, gives his racing thoughts someplace to go, and he usually has a notebook or a Rubik's Cube or some other fidget toy while sitting in the makeup chair. But, it’s a little late for a rider.

For a moment, though, it’s enough to watch her. The tip of her tongue peeps out from the corner of her lips. Her nose crinkles. There’s an intensity to her gaze that sends pleasant shivers through him. He is the center of her world right now. Her eyes are on him. Her hands, too. Whether he consumes her completely, as she does him, he doesn’t know, but some small part of her thoughts must be of him in this moment. Only him.

He leans closer.

She does not object, and the pit in his stomach — worry and frantic affection all jumbled together — snarls and claws out further into his limbs. His nails, tapping against the tile of the counter, feel weaker than a moment ago as if he’s fresh out of bed, and Scanlan lets his other eye slide closed in hopes that maybe not having to look at Pike’s face will ease the spike in his heart rate. Her fingers are too close to his pulse to hide it for long, and he’s close enough to do something stupid. Maybe he could try a hand at that meditation shtick that Ioun’s always getting on him about trying. Empty the mind. Be present with yourself. Breathe in four seconds. Hold for four. Breathe out —

Pike’s hand moves further up his face, cradling his cheek in the palm of her hand, and Scanlan’s exhales far more forcefully than intended.

Fuck.

The fuzziness from before rears its head again, the weakness spreading down to his knees, and he’s desperate for her in a way that’s hard to explain. He wants to nuzzle his face into her hand. He wants to nuzzle the entirety of his being into her, into her soul, into her everything, find a place between the atoms and space stuff that makes her, find a place where he fits and stay there. Oh fuck.

He feels faint.

Pike’s thumb, once moving back and forth in a soft stroke across his cheekbone, now comes together with her pointer finger and pinches him. A yip catches in the back of his throat, and Scanlan falls firmly back to the Earth.

“Hey now…,” he mumbles, meaning to throw out some quip or line, but he cracks an eye open to see her satisfied smile, and he forgets what words even are, smiling in return.

When Pike brings the brush back to his eye now, he’s ready. He’s less ready for her to grab him by the hip. Swaying forward, huffing with laughter and disbelief, he braces himself against the counter to keep himself from pressing too close. He pushes his chin forward instead, letting his body be led by his head instead of his pelvis, as Dranzel would say. Also, if his hips touch hers, he will faint; that’s just the truth of it. If not on contact then certainly through sheer power of will. He’d rather the blood rush to his head then...down.

Shit.

He’d been doing so well about not thinking about...well, yeah, what was that breathing technique that Ioun taught him again? Yeah, yeah, breathe in. Hold. Breathe out. Hold.

It’s enough to tide him over until Pike’s pulling back and asking if it’s good. Scanlan shifts his weight to one foot and leans enough to see past Pike and into the mirror. He looks…

“Amazing,” he breathes out, tilting his head this way and that to admire it better. It’s simpler than his stage makeup and softer than he’d ever go, and it’s not even done yet, but he loves it. “Not as over-the-top as I thought you were going to go."

"You thought I might David Bowie you and you still let me near your face?"

"Who am I to pass up an opportunity like this?" Being close to her, being touched so casually and gently by her, being pampered and done up by her because she wanted to do it. How could he ever refuse her? The honesty burns through him, a bundle of overexcited nerves bouncing just under his skin, but Pike just laughs and looks away, and he knows the weight’s lost on her. Clearing his throat, he adds, running with this burst of tentative sincerity as far as it’ll get him, "Anyway, even if you did, I'm sure it would be equally amazing. I could expect nothing less of you."

Pike perks up then, eyes bright as sapphires and lips curved in a grin too sweet. His compliments look so beautiful on her. “I used to do my friend, Keyleth’s, makeup all the time before we went to school dances and such,” she explains, and Scanlan listens enraptured, unable to stop himself from smiling and nodding along. “So – not to boast or anything, but yeah, I’m pretty good.”

More than that, he wants to tell her. You’re amazing.

Instead, he jumps at the chance to keep the conversation going. He knows Keyleth, has heard Pike and Grog talk about her many times before, especially Grog, but he says her name, slowly, pretending to test the sound of it, “Keyleth…Will she be there tonight?”

"She will.” Pike moves back in, eyeliner pen in one hand while the other reaches for him. Scanlan watches the way she breathes in as she does, purposefully, and the way her eyes flicker to his then away then back to a point that’s almost him. His heart thumps against his ribcage — a quick ‘Holy shit, did you see that?’. It doesn’t mean anything. Probably. But, she places her hand on his chin, and Scanlan moves easily into the curve of her fingers, eyes stuck on her face and hoping for another glimpse of something, anything. “Good to go?”

A wall of thoughts hit him: Why did she hesitate? Is she nervous? Why? Did he make her nervous? Is she uncomfortable? Did he — But, she was fine before, and now? Stuck in the middle of them, he blusters, reaching for the familiar, “For you? Always.” He adds a wink, for good measure, and when she laughs, the tension in him releases.

It’s easier this way: acting the flirt. It’s what she knows of him, what she expects, and he loathes to upset her, to make her uncomfortable in any way, but...Is that it, then? Is he doomed to never prove to her that he’s become more than the man who begged at her heels for any shred of affection, always running away when things felt too real? Must goodness and loneliness be one in the same in him?

Pike resumes her work, as unbothered as before, but Scanlan lingers in thought.

He came here to see if who he’d become was someone that Pike could love.

He can’t go back now.

He won’t.

“If you don’t mind…Grog gave me a rough idea, but do you have some advice for me regarding your friends?”

☼ ☼ ☼

“Oi, Pike.”

Pike turns around in the doorway, bouncing on her heels. The golden sheen of her pants glimmers with the movement. The gentle, loose curls of her platinum hair sway, only shining brighter under the harsh bathroom lighting, just like the white of her sweater. It’s a little too big for her. In a cute way. In a Pike way, he should say, because she’s always cute.

“You look stunning.”

He has more to say. He always does.

I’ve written you half a sonnet in this moment alone. I adore your every detail. There’s nothing about you that isn’t beautiful. I love you and the way you eat your toast straight from the toaster without a plate, crumbs tumbling everywhere, and I love how you tried to hide your pile of dirty clothes behind your bedroom door. You have a map on your wall, and I want to take you everywhere on it. When I was detoxing, I saw you in my dreams, and it saved me. You saved me.

But, he sees the look in her eyes, the way she waits for him to be who he’s always been, and he knows, more than ever, he cannot be. Because, as the sincerity settles between them, freeing and mortifying in equal measures, he sees a flicker of something else in her gaze.

and maybe it’s nothing.

but it could be everything.

#Critical Role #Pikelan #Pike Trickfoot #Scanlan Shorthalt #my writing #The Sun Always Rises #[Scanlan Shorthalt voice] if Pike Trickfoot touches me i WILL faint

61 notes · View notes