3 books to read when moving to a new city alone
Earlier this year, I moved out of my childhood home on the countryside to Berlin. Alone. With no money, no job and no safe place to stay. To pursue my dreams and escape the literal hell a small village with no artistic opportunities can be. Because the space in my suitcase was limited, I could only bring a few books. These are books I took with me into this new era of my life where I have felt so lost and lonely in the beginning.
Just Kids - Patti Smith
This book inspired me so much when I first read it. Patti, who is now one of the greatest female rock musicians in the world and played her music along some other legendary people, moved to New York City on her own when she was a teenager, having no money and no concrete plan. She even had to live on the streets for some periods, starving and desperatly working any job she could find. But through all this, she never lost her vision, her love for the arts. And she made it, met amazing people and slowly built up her life. There was so much struggle, despair and pain involved in her journey, which gives any young artist striving to get out there so much hope. Also Patti is a great writer, carefully arranging her words and pairing them with amazing visuals, like old pictures that make you feel like you are there with her, eating donuts and smoking cigarettes.
Looking for Alaska - John Green
John Green is a legend when it comes to writing about the mind and struggles of the average self concious teenager trying to fit into society´s standards. Looking for Alaska has been one of my favourite books for a long time. I have read it about 15 times and it gives me an enormous amount of comfort. Miles, the a weird and lonely teenage boy moves to another school, away from his parents and his home town, where he is confronted with strange characters and a whole new hierarchy. Sounds intimidating, right? He manages to find friends, fall in love, experience all the stunningly beautiful and dirty aspects of being a teenager. This book always reminds me that even if there is sadness and pain and grief, that should never stop me from acknowledging the small things that define life. To have gratitude and take it all in, the good and the bad. Coming of age is a challenge, but it is not something to avoid, it´s something that has to be felt.
The Catcher in the Rye - J. D. Salinger
I hated this book. It is extremely uncomfortable to read, I completely despised the main character Holden and his way of dealing with people around him. But still, to be fair, he is just a 16 year old jerk, trying to find some meaning in stagnant every day processes. Even though he is not very likeable, his desperate tries to do someting meaningful are heartbreaking, you feel like you are just wandering the cold streets with him. It is a story about alienation in a big city, feeling incredibly alone and excluded from society. When I was sitting in my new apartment on my own, with no one to talk to, I felt like Salinger describes the feelings you have in such a situation quite well. Loneliness just creeps up on you. And not always can a comforting word help with that, sometimes you need to hear the experience of a character who is just as lost in the world as you are. That is what Catcher in the Rye did for me.
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Being alone can be so freeing and extremely enjoyable! But if you seek for some comfort, consider reading these books.
Have a wonderful day xx
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one of the things about having an unstable parent is that it can so easily ruin your future. you want to get out, but getting out takes having agency. it takes the resume and the grades and the stellar community service history.
but you have to choose your battles. you know if you sign up for an after-school activity, it'll be okay for a while, so long as the activity is parent-approved and god-fearing. over time, like all things, it will become an argument (i can't keep carting your ass to these things) or a weapon (talk to me like that again, see if you get to go to practice). sometimes, if you love the thing, it's worth it. but you also know better than to love something: that's how they get you. if you ever actually want something, it will always be the center of their attention. they will never stop threatening you with it. telling you of course i'm a good parent, i came to all of those stupid events.
you learn to balance yourself perfectly. you can either have a social life or you can have hobbies. both of these things will be under constant scrutiny. you spend too much time with her, you should be at home with family is equally paired with you're acting like this because you're addicted to what's on that goddamn screen. you cannot ever actually win, so everything falls within a barter system that you calculate before entering: do you want to learn how to drive? if so, you'll need to give up asking for a new laptop, even though yours died. maybe you can work on a computer at the library. of course, that would mean you'd be allowed to go to the library, which would mean something else has to bleed. nothing ever actually comes free.
and that bitter, horrible irony: you could be literally following their orders and it still isn't pretty. they tell you to get a job; they hate that your job keeps you late and gives you access to actual money. they tell you to do better in school; they say no child of mine needs a tutor. they want you to stop being so morose, don't you know there are people who are really suffering - but they revile the idea you might actually need therapy.
you didn't survive that fall the way other people would. you've seen other people scramble and get their way out, however they could. maybe you were made too-soft: the answer didn't come to you easily. it wasn't quick. it was brutal and nasty. some people even asked you why didn't you just work hard and escape during school? and you felt your head spinning. why didn't you? (they control your financial aid. they control your loan status. they love having that kind of thing). maybe in another life you got diagnosed sooner and got the meds you needed to actually focus and got attention from the right teachers who helped you clear hurdles to get up out of here - but for now? here?
the effort of trying. the effort of not-dying. that kind of effort was absolutely agonizing.
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The Whole Watcher Debacle
Just giving my two cents on the whole Watcher situation. I've been following this since it started, and initially, I wasn't going to say anything, but honestly, why not? (lol)
I want to start off by saying that this was not a good business decision to make. By pulling this, they are essentially alienating their international and low-income fans. The world is going through a global economic crisis, and the fact is that creating a streaming subscription service when companies like Disney and Netflix themselves are struggling is not a sound financial decision. Saying $6/month is "affordable for everyone and anyone" is a tone-deaf statement. In this economy, that is the difference between getting to eat for a day or not. It's not just "two cups of coffee". It's quite literally life or death for some people.
Now, before I get hounded by people saying that "artists deserve to get paid for their works" and "it's all about paying artists until you have to pay them yourselves." I do support small artists and small business owners. I support smaller creatives whenever I can and whenever I have the means to. The problem is that Watcher is not a small artist. They are not even a small business. They are, and apparently always have been a company. In addition to that, they are getting paid. They profit from ad reads, views, Adsense, patreon, merch, and live shows.
Their patreon alone nets them at a minimum of $30k per month. This is on the lower side, mind you. I've heard some other content creators talk about this, and it's estimated that they make around $50k-$100k from AdSense and views. On top of that, they get paid $15k-$30k per sponsored video, and a vast majority of their videos are sponsored. They would make around 60k-120k from sponsorships alone. Add all this together, and they make at least $140k monthly. This is, again, the least, and this does not count in profit from their merch or live shows. Their merch sells for anywhere between $60-90 depending on the item, and they continuously sell out. I don't know how much their live shows are, but I imagine it's something along those lines. If even 100 people bought merch, although this is likely in the thousands, they would make 6,000 minimum from just merch. The current national minimum wage in the United States is around 7 dollars. Per month, if you worked for 40 hours per week, you would make around $1,120. They are making nearly 5 times that just from their merch. They make, on the low end, $150k per month. This is more money in one month than most people can make in 2 and a half years. Even the lower end of money on Patreon makes them more money than most people make in a year. Annually, they are making, and this is greatly underestimating the amount they make, at least $1 million. On the higher end, if we calculate that they are making around $100k per month via Patreon, and we estimate with their sponsorships, the range only increases, to around $320k, adding the higher end of sponsorship money and AdSense. Yearly, that's almost $4 million. Their range is $1million-$4million. I'm sorry, but if you are netting in this profit and still need more for your business, then you are doing something wrong.
Watcher are not struggling artists living paycheck to paycheck and barely making ends meet. They are a multi-million dollar company whose owners live very comfortable lives. This is fine, but they should not act like they are struggling when this business venture was because they were operating outside their means and want to go even further beyond that. YouTube is terrible regarding many things; I get it. There is nothing wrong with creatives wishing to expand, but if you financially cannot support that decision, you should not do so. I am not okay with people being hateful and bringing up unnecessary things. Still, the fact remains that all of their CEOs show their very lavish lives and spending online and constantly talk about it on their podcasts. They could not afford those things if they were truly struggling like they tried to make people believe. Some people are being rude online, yes, and that's not a good thing, but the vast majority are being rightfully upset and are giving valid criticism on why this is a bad idea.
Watcher is not worth a $6/month subscription. They do not have enough content to justify this decision, nor do they have enough followers. Youtubers with followings much larger than theirs have tried to do this and failed. Paywalling their content is not the right move. It essentially stagnates their growth. How are people going to find them, and how are they going to get attention for this? Posting one video on YouTube every time you make a new series -which we don't know how frequently they will update- will not push that content to people. Also, most people who see that initial trailer or episode will not pay $6 monthly to see the rest. The fact is that, like it or not, at $6, they are competing with some of the biggest companies in the industry. Companies like Netflix, Disney+, Hulu, Prime, and more all have standards ad supscriptions ranging from $ 5-8 dollars, and they have a catalog of thousands of shows, movies, and more. Yes, it sucks that there is a capitalistic monopoly on these services, but switching to it is not going to help them. Going from YouTube to Vimeo OTT will not net them the profit they think it will. They will struggle on this platform because it's arguably worse than YouTube, and eventually, it will raise the price to keep content up, so they will raise their streaming price.
That's another thing. They advertised this as their own service, unattached to anything else when it's not. It's still run by another company, and now they must pay that company. It feels disingenuous to say this when it is not true. It is not an app or something you can play on TV; it is a website, a fairly sketchy one at that.
There is, again, a cost of living crisis going on. Most people cannot afford to put food on the table, much less spend this money on a streaming service. And even if people wanted to pay, they've barred their international audience from doing so. If you are not in the US, you will have to pay for a VPN to use since the website is not available outside the US, and you will also have to pay a conversion fee since they did not include regional scaling of prices. $6/month is already a lot for people in the US but for people living in other countries with a weaker currency? That's anywhere from a week of groceries to a third of their rent. They did not consider how this would affect international fans, and that's not a good business practice.
And since I will get the inevitable, "You aren't entitled to free content," I'll say this. Yes, people are not entitled to content, but creators are not entitled to people's money. The truth is that if your audience does not like something or want something, then you will not get their support. As a content creator, you must cater to your audience; you can't expect them to pay for or be interested in other content or passion projects. Also, their content is clearly not free. They do get paid. In no world do they not get paid. I will reiterate that they are not small, struggling artists who can't afford to live. Watcher isn't a small indie company that barely gets by. It is a million-dollar company with around 25 employees who live lavishly in one of the most expensive cities in the world. They do not need more money. They want more money.
Plus, people are entitled to their content when that content is mostly based on fan-submission. A lot of Watchers shows rely heavily upon fan submissions and support. Are You Scared?, Too Many Spirits, Food Files, and Ghost Files happen because fans submit stories, places to go, evidence, and more. In fact, Are You Scared and Too Many Spirits are just stories and personal anecdotes that fans share and submit, or that Watcher finds online and read aloud in a backyard. (NOT what I would call TV quality, but okay...)
They posted a while ago that they were taking submissions for a new season of Are You Scared?, Too Many Spirits, and Ghost Files. They did this fully well-aware that they would soon release a paywall. Do they expect fans to pay 6 dollars to see their own submissions? Additionally, they could pass it off as free before this- even though they were getting paid- but now they are locking this service behind a paywall, meaning they make money directly from these stories and this content. People who submitted stories should be compensated since Watcher makes money from fan content.
This still does not acknowledge that they have not responded yet. It has been nearly three days since this blew up, and they have been almost silent. And it is deafening. The only things people have gotten are posts and statements from friends and spouses of the owners that are as out-of-touch and ridiculous as this decision. This shows people that they are doubling down. They had time in the initial 24 hours to respond, and the longer they took to respond, the worse it was getting. It's very telling and a slap in the face to people who have supported them for years, from Buzzfeed to this, through many different times, including the pandemic. Watcher relies so heavily on their audience, yet they do not have the respect for their audience to at least put out a small statement. That is why people are upset. They were helped and built up so much by their audience, then made a video saying, "Thanks for supporting us for years, but if you can't afford us anymore, get out," and maintained radio silence. At the same time, their close friends and family basically called people entitled for not wanting to pay for a service they did not ask for, during a global economic crisis. No one asked for "higher production value" or "TV quality." People were happy with normal, low-production content, like the kind that got them famous/popular in the first place. Yes, they can want to make more expensive content, but they cannot guilt-trip their fanbase into paying for it. I am a small creative. If I make a ridiculously expensive art piece or something with expensive materials, then hand it to someone and say, now you have to pay me for this, even though you didn't ask for this, they will not pay me. It's as simple as that.
Yes, artists should get paid. But Watcher already get paid generously. Not only have they done wrong to their fans, but they have also screwed over their patreon members by essentially saying that they have to pay double for their content. They suddenly switched the tiers on Patreon, removed most of the content, and left only the podcast, and their members do not even get the subscription for free. Most of their Patreon members pay between the $ 10 and $20 tiers, but many also pay around $100. They don't get the service for free even after paying Watcher that much and for so many years. That's spitting on the people who have financially supported you for years.
All in all, this is a very poor financial and business decision, and they are making it worse by remaining silent. They have alienated most of their audience, upset most paying supporters, and been trending for three days for all the wrong reasons. Massive YouTubers have made videos on this, and it has broken from fandom drama into the general internet. This is the beginning of the end, unfortunately. I don't wish any ill will, this is not hate at all. No one at Watcher is a bad person at all, they just made a bad business decision. Unless they apologize, I can't see this working out.
Sorry for the massively long post, I’m not an avid watcher (hehe) or fan of their content but I've had many thoughts bouncing around my head about this business decision since this started, and I wanted to share.
TLDR: Watcher made a seriously bad business decision that upset most of their audience, including paying supporters; claimed to be struggling even though they very clearly aren't and have not responded to their incensed fanbase yet, despite the urgent need to do so.
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fucking bullshit how when a member of the working class isn't thriving in a system meant to exploit them it's somehow their fucking fault because one way or another they've somehow Done Something Wrong.
"you should have asked for more hours" what if you're working all you fucking can while still being able to stay awake on the job. which we shouldn't have to fucking do.
"you shouldn't have spent too much on things you don't need" you should be able to spend on one or two nice fucking things without being broke
"you should get store brand instead of name brand" getting the store brand of everything still amounts to hundreds of fucking dollars for a week's worth of groceries
"you should have listened to the financial advice you got as a teenager" we did. we fucking did.
"you shouldn't have spent so much in loans" we did so we could get those Good Jobs You Need Degrees For like you fucking told us to
"you should have gotten a better degree" I shouldn't fucking need one to have a job that I can live off of
"you should have started working sooner so you could have saved up" not every teenager has parents that will fucking let them work and even then you should not have to work on top of school as a fucking child
"you should have listened to this financial coach" I am not fucking poor because I didn't listen to some grifter trying to sell me a fucking "course" that I can't afford. I fucking promise you that.
"you should have" "you should" "you shouldn't have" "you shouldn't" you should maybe fucking consider that this is bullshit. jumping through these hoops is bullshit. trying to do everything you were advised to just to still end up in shitty circumstances is bullshit. trying to prove you've made all the choices you were told were the right ones just to try to get people to believe your struggling isn't your fault is bullshit. still being told it's your fault because you didn't do this Secret Financial Life Hack or whatever is bullshit. it's all bullshit.
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It’s sad but the best version of Peter Parker to me (probably because it’s the most relatable one) is when he’s broke as hell, but at a certain point it doesn’t make sense for him to be such a genius without running a tech company, so here’s the bs reasons he’s still broke in the au’s I imagine:
He can’t partner up with anyone because everyone knows what happened with Dr. Connors, Dr. Octavius, and, depending on the au, Norman Osborn, which no one thinks Norman was working with Peter, but he is another person who knew Peter and became a supervillain
Essentially, everyone thinks he’s cursed™️
And he can’t sell any of his inventions on his own to start funding his own company because S.H.I.E.L.D. keeps getting involved and stopping it, both because whatever he creates works way too well and they don’t want it to fall into the wrong hands, and also because they’re all pretty sure that Peter’s gonna turn into a supervillain and they’re trying to stop him from gaining any power to do so
Also, because of all the above reasons, and because the best Peter Parker in my opinion is one that’s tired, snarky, and has a bit of an anger problem, that along with his genius, accidentally has everyone convinced he’s a supervillain in the making, the very specific dynamic that I picture Reed Richards having with him before he finds out he’s Spiderman is:

Peter Parker reminds him of Dr. Doom, he’s got the smarts, the anger, he’s a loner, and the way he commiserates on everything stopping him from achieving his goals (that famous way he blames his Parker luck on everything), just all reminds him of Victor, back when they attended college together
So he doesn’t get Peter to work with him, although he’d make such a promising mentee, cause he doesn’t need to accidentally get another supervillain to declare war on him, but also because he reminds him of Victor he can’t stay away, wanting some version of him to “see the light”
So occasionally he’ll begrudgingly team up with Peter Parker and the entire time he’ll awkwardly preach the merits of using science for Good™️ and how following villainy will only leave a person feeling empty inside, as his way of having a second chance at reaching Victor before he becomes Dr. Doom
Peter, meanwhile, has no idea this is how Reed sees their interactions, he’s just so happy whenever he gets a chance to work with one of his science heroes (then his identity eventually gets revealed and Reed has no idea how to view Peter)
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