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#no more child abuse
awesomecooperlove · 5 months
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⚠️⚠️⚠️PART TWO⚠️⚠️⚠️
😍🥰😘
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bluegiragi · 2 months
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human.
early access + nsfw on patreon
more backstory that i wrote up for patreon heh:
Simon and Tommy had a complicated relationship as brothers. 
At a young age, Simon basically wrote himself off as a lost cause, and did the best he could to make sure at least Tommy had a chance to be a functioning human being. After all, Tommy was the gentler brother, the dreamer, the one who looked like their mother (who'd walked out on them years ago to escape their father). But Tommy got bitter, got sick of the one always being protected, being babied. He lost respect for Simon, for the way he wouldn't fight back, and in a twisted way, grew closer to his father as a way to learn how to be powerful, strong. It backfired, and Tommy got wrapped up in some bad business.
Simon's kid brother died while he was deployed. He got the news in the letter, and it broke him in a big way. In the story timeline, it was years and years ago but it still hurts like hell whenever Simon thinks about him. 
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sp0o0kylights · 4 months
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Steve’s mother was the black sheep of her family.
Stella hated the snow, and the isolation of the small town she grew up in. Hated the bright colors, and sheer friendliness of the neighbors. How everyone was always involved in each other’s business, at all times--and how getting involved meant sharing.
Giving up your time for the greater good.
‘We’re one big family!’ Her father had told her, and hadn’t understood why she found the concept utterly revolting.
Just like she couldn’t understand why they never agreed with her ideas. Things would run so much more smoothly with more rules, better regulations. They didn’t need to rely on magic when they had spreadsheets.
Who cared if some people were upset? If some of the workers where put out of jobs, or “hurt” by her changes?
That was how evolution worked.
The strongest survived, and the business world demanded only the strongest of leaders.
She didn’t regret leaving.
Didn’t look behind her for a second, all too happy to go to college and find herself a rich man to make miserable.
Even had a child, though they were never her favorite things. Her Steven of course, would be so much different from the children she’d grown up among or the ones she helped oversee for her father's work.
He wouldn’t cry. He wouldn’t shriek or scream or make demands of busy adults. Steven would know his place, and he would stay in it until he had grown into a reasonable adult.
No unrealistic expectations, not from her son.
And absolutely, 100%, no magic.
(Unfortunately for Stella Harrington and her relationship with her son, magic does not obey the whims of one person.
Particularly not that kind of magic, one far older than Stella could comprehend.)
See: Steve knew where he came from. Would never say it of course, outright refused to put a name to it.
Knew better, even when he was young, than to speak it aloud.
Though his mother had long abandoned any powers given to her, Steve was still born with his. When lonely, he often found he could wander into a different kind of woods. 
One absolutely covered in snow.
Steve should have been cold in those woods, but he never was, not even the first time he stumbled into them at the tender age of seven.
These trees never scared him. Not like the ones in his backyard sometimes did.
The whole place felt rather welcoming in a way his own house had never been, and as Steve had stumbled along following the faint glow of lights, he found himself feeling more relaxed.
Happy.
Even at seven, Steve was smart enough to know he needed to turn back, after a while. That his mother would be furious with him if he caused her to miss the meeting she needed to go to.
That he had a responsibility to be where she put him.
He hadn’t crested the hill yet. Hadn’t quite figured out where the glow was coming from, when he realized he needed to go home--but his trip wasn’t wasted.
A baby reindeer distracted him.
It peeked around a tree, and upon seeing him, came dashing his way.
Steve should be scared, would have been scared, but something in him told him this creature was his friend. He held out his hands and greeted it as such.
He was right.
A few more little reindeer came up over the hill, running around him, and together he played what felt like a game as he walked back in the direction he thought his house lay.
Said his goodbyes when the snow started to wane and made promises to return.
Found, sadly, that he wouldn’t get another chance too for almost a full year. He was too busy, signed up for multiple sports, handed over to tutors and taught life skills by a parade of nannies, none of whom ever stayed for long.
He dreamed of the snow.
The gentle way the woods felt.
It was what made him tell the lie that let him go back.
Steve was eight by then, and smart to how his parents and nannies worked. That some of them overlapped their stays when his parents went away.
So it was easy to tell Mary that she could go.
That it was okay, really. Carla had just called, she was on her way.
Just like it was easy to tell Carla that his parents' plans had changed. Let her know she wasn’t needed after all.
What harm would it do if he was alone for a night? His father kept telling him he was a big boy. Soon he’d be on his own anyway.
The snow found him faster this time, when he went for his walk in the woods.
Delighted, Steve kept an eye out for the reindeer, fingers skittering across tree bark as he looked around, once again tracking the soft glow that came up over the hill.
It was a long walk to that light, but Steve didn’t mind.
Not until he heard the crying.
“Hello?” Steve called, voice prim and proper as always. It was a little high--Tommy teased him endlessly about it, but he had been assured it would deepen.
The crying didn’t stop, but things got quiet for a moment, in the way that happens when someone was trying hard not to be found.
(Steve knew exactly how that felt, not wanting to be found. Wanting to cry for a moment, without someone telling you to toughen up, be a man, ‘God Steven you’re too old for all this--’)
“It’s okay!” Steve rushed out, trying to locate where the muffled sounds were coming from before they ran away. “I won’t tell anyone, I promise!”
Which is right about when he almost tripped over the other kid.
He was hunched against a tree, knees drawn into his chest with brown hair hanging into his eyes. His clothes were a odd--a little like how his teacher had made Steve dress when they’d done a play about the middle ages.
“Who’re you?” The boy asked defensively, wiping his nose with his sleeve.
“I’m Steve.” He said, before kneeling down himself. “Did you get hurt?”
“No.” The boy sniffled. After a moment he added; “M’ Eddie.”
His eyes were large, and reminded Steve of a puppy he once saw. All cute and round and shiny.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you before.” The boy said and it wasn’t an accusation, but it wasn’t friendly.
“I’m not from around here.” Steve told him. “At least, I don’t think I am.”
It was kind of hard to know, given Steve wasn’t sure where here was, exactly--and absolutely knew better than to ask his parents.
“Well then you should go home.” The boy sniffled again.
Steve wasn't put off by it. Tommy had been a lot meaner than this after all, when they'd first met. 
Given their parents made them play together anyways, Steve felt he he could get this kid to like him too. 
"I'm gonna, later. I'm looking for something right now though--you wanna come?" 
Which he felt was a pretty nice offer. Might distract Eddie from whatever was bothering him.
(Steve liked distractions, when he was upset. It made it a lot easier to swallow down the bad feelings.) 
“You shouldn’t hang around me.” Eddie said suddenly. His nose was as red as his eyes, and he refused to look Steve in the eye as he hunched further into himself. “I’m bad.”
“You’re not bad.” Steve told him. 
He got a glare for it.
“How would you know?”
“I dunno.” Steve stopped, brows furrowing in thought. “I just--kinda do. I always have.”
Which was true. Steve was awfully good at identifying who was good and who was bad, from adults to his fellow classmates. It had gotten him in trouble before his mother had sat him down, and told him he just had a good business sense.
That he needed to keep to himself who was good and who was bad, especially the adults, because it wasn’t his place to say such things.
(‘But it’ll serve you well in the future.’ His mother told him, tucking an errant strand of hair back behind his ear. ‘Particularly for business deals.’)
“Well you’re wrong then, because I was born bad.” Eddie scoffed, arms crossing over his chest. “Everyone says so!”
It was dramatic as hell, and Steve couldn’t help the giggle that escaped him.
“I’m sorry!” He said immediately, when Eddie’s face flushed angrily. “I’m sorry it’s just--you look kinda silly.”
He mimed Eddie’s stance for a moment, including a dramatic little huff of breath. It unbalanced him, and Steve ended up dropping on his butt, which made him to laugh even louder.
“No one who does that can be bad.” He said finally, through the giggles. 
“That’s--stupid. You’re stupid.” Eddie said, except he was clearly trying to hide his own laugh at Steve’s antics.
“I’m not stupid--and you’re not bad. I promise.” Steve said, before reaching out a hand, one pinkie extended. “I’ll swear on it.”
“What’re you doing?” Eddie asked him, but he didn’t sound sad now. More curious. 
Curious Steve knew, was a lot better than sad. 
“You wrap your pinkie finger with mine. Then it’s a pinkie swear, which is like--unbreakable!”
That’s what Carol had told him at least, and so far it had held true. Steve figured it must work doubly so, in a place like this.
Cautiously, Eddie reached out, entwining his pinkie with Steve’s. Like any minute Steve would snatch his hand back, and tell him it was all a joke.
Instead, Steve bobbed their hands up and down once, before letting go and asking; “Do you wanna go find that light with me? I wanna see what it is.”
He pointed up the hill, toward the glow that had haunted his dreams.”
“Oh that’s boring.“ Eddie told him, but he had a grin on his face that felt infectious. “It’s just the town. I’ll show you something way better!”
“Yeah?” Steve asked, and let Eddie snatch his wrist, launching to his feet and bringing Steve with him.
In doing so his hair blew, revealing that he had pointed ears.
Steve stared at them in awe as Eddie tugged him further into the trees, until they burst into a clearing filled with gingerbread houses. They ranged from teeny tiny, to large enough that Steve and Eddie could walk in them, and it wasn’t long before the two started a game of tag, broken only by laughter. 
In retrospect, this was his downfall.
Because the little gingerbread houses were really cool, and Eddie was a lot of fun. It was easy to play with him--like the two of them had been made for each other.
Steve had never connected like this with a person before. Never had so much fun with someone before.
Not even with Tommy and Carol, his very best friends.
Eddie seemed to feel the same way, and not even an hour into meeting him, Steve knew he would remember this for the rest of his life.
Remember Eddie.
Steve ended up losing track of time. Stayed so long that his lie was discovered.
The person who came looking for him wasn’t his parents, but looked weirdly like his mom--if his mom were a boy.
He introduced himself as Steve’s Uncle Nick after he called the two boys to him, hands on his hips in a way Steve kind of wanted to mimic.
Steve knew it to be true, in the same way he knew how to find the forest, and if someone was good or bad. A feeling inside him he could tap into, warm and fuzzy in a way that, should he ever be pressed, he might admit to feeling like magic.
“Now how did you get here?” Uncle Nick asked him, like Steve's presence was a surprising little puzzle.
Knowing better than to lie, sensing that his Uncle would be able to tell if he did anyways, Steve told him the truth.
It got him exactly what he expected, which was an upset adult.
Unlike his mom or dad however, his Uncle didn’t yell at him, or grab Steve’s hand in a punishing grip. No nails dug into his skin, no harsh words were hissed. Uncle Nick simply pinched the tip of his nose, before giving a sigh that shook his massive frame.
“Your mom is going to be very upset.” He said finally.
Like Steve didn't know. 
“I just wanted to see the lights.”
“The lights--oh.” Uncle Nick glanced over his shoulder. “Could you see them from your house?”
Steve shook his head.
“No but I could feel them.”
Like a pulse in his chest. A compass, or--a guide.
“He says he can tell who's naughty or nice.” Eddie chimed in, oddly quiet for how loud he had been. “He says I’m good.”
This was said as a challenge, and Steve eyed his new friend out of the corner of his eye. He’d never dared speak to an adult like that, and was both a little in awe of Eddie doing it, and afraid for him.
Something his Uncle seemed to sense.
“Edward, go home.” He said, firm but kind.  Not like how Steve's mom was when she was mad, or his dad when he had a bad day at work.“I’ll come talk to you later. Come on Steve, let me walk you back. I best explain this in person.”
Then he took Steve’s hand in his, while Steve called out a goodbye to Eddie over his shoulder.
“You’ll come back and visit, right!?” Eddie yelled back. 
Steve shouted an affirmative, even knowing it wasn’t likely he’d be allowed.
(Wished with all his heart, that he'd be allowed.) 
“Eddie is really good, you know.” Steve said once he no longer could see his new friend, because it felt important to tell his Uncle that. Necessary, for some reason.
“I know.” Uncle Nick replied gently. “But let’s not worry about him right now, okay?”
“Okay.”
Then they were back in Steve’s woods, the ones that were sometimes unfriendly. In his backyard, and up to the door, and even from here Steve could hear his mother and father screaming at each other, in a tone that made his stomach curl.
“Come on kiddo. Time to face the music.” Uncle Nick told him, and Steve found he really didn’t want to let go of his Uncle’s hand.
He did though.
He was a big boy, and well trained. He didn’t flinch from his parents. Didn’t disobey when his mother demanded he tell her exactly how he got to the fun place, with all the snow--and listened further still when she demanded Uncle Nick take it out of him.
Take what Steve didn’t know--not until his Uncle lost the argument.
Reached into Steve’s chest and did something to him, something that killed that warm and fuzzy thing that had always lived inside Steve.
He cried harder than he ever had before that night. Cried and begged for Uncle Nick to put it back, that he was sorry and he wouldn’t ever use it again if they just let him keep it.
(He promised, he promised, he promised-!)
Sank to his knees and told his parents that it hurt.
They didn't listen, and they didn't put it back.
His father told him to get up off the floor, and then pulled him up when Steve found he couldn’t.
Hauled him to his room, even as his Uncle warned his mother that he couldn’t get rid of it. That he could only suppress it, the same way she suppressed hers, but those words didn’t really matter to Steve just then.
Not when he was hurting, and tired, and found himself wishing for his new friend.
(His mother told him he’d feel better in time.
Steve never did.)
xXx
The hole in Steve’s chest had never filled.
It kept him up at night. The yearning for something just out of reach, tormenting him with a feeling of being hollow.
He didn’t know how his mother could stand it.
Steve stopped fussing about it though--or rather, he stopped the first time his father had slapped him over his complaining.
“Enough, Steven! You’re perfectly fine. Now start acting like it, for fucks sake!” He’d roared, and shocked as he was, Steve had still done what he’d been taught to do.
Toughed it out. Sucked it up. Got over it.
Dumped his entire life into basketball and swimming and other parent-approved activities, even if he felt empty.
He was eight, then ten, then fourteen and soon Steve wasn’t healed, but he'd adjusted. 
Got aloof to the pain as his popularity skyrocketed, and his parents left him on his own while they chased the almighty dollar.
(Secretly, Steve tried to fill the void in his heart with parties and people, alcohol and even the occasional drug, though most just left him feeling worse than before.
It was perhaps how he ended up acting as he did.
Turning from the sweet boy who was always helping others, to someone who was fast with their insults. Popularity was a sharks game, and though he refused to participate in the bullying his friends enjoyed, he made sure everyone knew who the biggest fish in the pond was.
Because the hole was always there, in the back of his mind. The thing inside him that was missing, that made him crave the snow, and the lights, and the boy with pointy ears. 
He might be able to force himself to forget about all of that, if only the hole in his heart would allow him.)
xXx
Five days before his fifteenth birthday, some random guy showed up in Steve’s yard.
This wasn’t unusual--Steve invited a lot of people over.
Tommy and Carol both had a standing invitation to use his pool and Steve often used it to curry favor with the upperclassmen--but even underwater, Steve didn’t recognize the teenager leaning over to watch him swim.
Plus it was a little weird for someone to pop up on a Sunday.
Refusing to be intimidated, Steve surfaced right under the guy, head whipping up to make sure he splashed him in the face.
Laughed as the other guy sputtered.
“Can I help you man?” Steve drawled, hooking his arms on the lip of the pool.
“I’m looking for someone. Steve Harrington?” The guy told him, glaring as he wiped water off his face.
His hair just touched his shoulders, in that awkward stage of growing out that made him look like a pageboy.
Steve tucked that little observation away for later, in case he needed it.
“Congratulations, you found me.” He said, eyeing him over.
Black jeans with holes in the knees, wallet chain and a black shirt with a faded logo of some band Steve had never heard of proudly displayed. A checkered plaid shirt topped the whole outfit, with a red guitar pick dangling around his neck from a chain.
Like the guy thought he was some kind of rockstar, and not in bumfuck Indiana.
Steve raised an eyebrow.
“Though I think you’re in the wrong place. The audition for the new town jester is being held at the high school.”
He got a frown, like the guy knew he was being insulted but didn’t quite want to believe it. “I’m not here for an audition.”
“You sure? Cause you’re definitely dressed the part.”
“Okay, you are definitely not Steve.” He said, arms crossing his chest. He had a ring on each hand, catching the light as he clutched at his arms. “Steve wasn’t this much of a dick.”
Which wasn’t the first time Steve had been called out for his behavior--but it had never been by the people he was supposed to care about.
Those people, the people his parents liked?
They loved it.
“Times change.” Steve told the stranger. Kept his tone light and playful, the way that always made girls giggle at him and guy’s listen.
Well the ones he wasn’t making fun of, anyways.
“People do too.”
He rearranged himself, planting both palms flat against the concrete, bouncing once to build energy before rocketing out of the water.
Stood, and watched with interest as the new guy’s eyes raked over his naked torso, before his whole face flushed red.
How he looked away, like he suddenly couldn’t bare to look at Steve.
“You shouldn't have changed that much.” He muttered, but Steve already had his number.
"Why were you looking for me anyway?” Steve asked as he went and grabbed a towel. Wrapped it around his waist, but kept his upper body shirtless.
Idly scratched at his hip and watched as the guy acted like Steve had practically stripped naked in front of him.
Weirdly enjoyed the little spark it gave him, to watch this guy appear so affected by his bare chest.
Defensive, the stranger bit out; “We were friends. I haven’t seen him in a long time, I was just checking up on him.”
That made Steve pause.
Really look over the guy standing before him.
The fidgeting, the blushing, the way he avoided Steve’s gaze.
He opened his mouth, an odd urge to draw this out guiding him when the hole in his chest pulsed.
Like a convulsion, a miniature seizure that took Steve entirely by surprise.
It had been a long time since it had done that, long enough to throw Steve off his game.
Make him feel unsafe, unmoored.
Abandoned.
“Yeah?” He wheezed, before covering himself and the flood of wrong/want/need with a harsh cough. “Well now I know you’re definitely barking up the wrong tree. I’d never be friends with a fucking queer.”
At that, the guy’s mouth dropped open, head whipping around to stare at Steve in shock.
"Don’t deny it, I can tell. You’re practically drooling over there.” Steve smiled with all his teeth, even as he struggled to keep his breath even. “It’s disgusting.”
“You know what, fuck you. I thought you were different and you’re not.” The stranger spat, with far more venom than Steve was prepared for. “You’re the same as all the rest.”
He scoffed, before whirling on his heel, middle finger high in the air as he stormed off into the woods.
“Have fun with your sad, beige fucking life!” He yelled, voice a little choked up.
“I will!” Steve yelled back at him, oddly heated.
Rubbed his chest when he was gone, before sitting down to try and figure out what the hell just happened--and why the hell his chest hurt so much.
xXx
Steve’s life remained completely and painfully normal--until Nancy Wheeler.
Nancy and her smile, Nancy and her reminder of what it felt like to be loved. 
She didn’t fill the void inside him, but what she did came close.
Felt similar.
Steve found he’d do anything for her, looking at life once again through the lens he had back when he was seven.
It was great.
Better than great--it was the best he’d ever been.
Then Barb went missing.
Shit hit the fan so fast that in retrospect, Steve still doesn’t understand it. There was Jonathan and his camera, with the background of his missing little brother. Tommy and his insults, grabbing Steve up by the collar. Nancy being weird, Nancy ducking him to hang out with the guy who took photographs of them having sex.
Steve's brain tracks it all in little snapshots. The way he realized that maybe Nancy was right--he was way more of an asshole than he thought. How he decided to clean the theater, and then apologize to Jonathan.
(Creepy shit or not, Jonathan’s brother was gone. Steve had never had a brother, but he understood how it felt when something important was taken from you.
How it made you act after.)
There was a shift inside him. Not coming from the void, but from how Steve dealt with it.
And then there was a fucking monster coming out of the ceiling.
This is how Steve learns the magic he once had wasn’t special. That it’s not the only supernatural thing that exists in the world.
Only unlike the snow and gingerbread house and boy with pointed ears and an Uncle that looked a hell of a lot like Santa Clause, this version came with evil government laboratories, the Upside Down and his girlfriend holding a gun.
It was kind of a lot, really.
Particularly because his parents weren’t home.
(They still came home of course, but it wasn’t with the same frequency as it used to be.
The business trips went from once a month, to every other week, to long stretches of away periods. Long enough that Steve spoke to them over the phone more than he did in person, and knew more about business mergers than he ever cared too.
Also his fathers love life, courtesy of his drunk mother.)
Steve didn’t exactly handle it well.
Doesn’t think any of them handled it well, really, even if Nancy blamed him for trying to pretend he was okay. But right as their relationship blew up in Steve’s face, shit started happening again.
Flickering lights and freaky monsters. A group of kids Steve found himself in charge of, who were doing their level best to commit suicide.
(“We’re helping El and Will, idiot!” Mike Wheeler protested in the back of Billy Hargrove’s Camaro when Steve brought up that this was not what being benched meant, and Steve let him have that one given the way the world was spinning.
God that asshole hit like a train.)
Another snapshot, full of fear and fury, and things were over once again. 
Steve was telling Nancy it was okay. She could go with Jonathan, that he could tell it was what she wanted.
It hurt him to do it, but he wasn’t going to be like his own parents.
Realized with a weird amount of clarity, that he wanted to be the very opposite of his parents.
Late in the night, feeling every ache and pain in his body but knowing everyone was safe, Steve finally started the long trek home. 
He didn’t have his car (he hoped that was still at the Byers place) and he didn’t have his keys (no clue where those went but he was praying it wasn’t in the freaky tunnels) and was well into the middle of his walk when his chest started acting weird. Really weird. 
Steve ignored it.
He kept ignoring it, focused on getting back to his bed, and his bed alone.
(Maybe he had been thinking more than that. About how the last time he had truly been happy wasn’t with Nancy, but with Eddie. That he’d give anything to go play in the gingerbread houses again.
Maybe he was even thinking of how warm his Uncle had been, the way he was so gentle when he held Steve’s hand.
How he’d argued against Steve’s parents, when no one else ever did.
It was probably just the head injury.)
Unfortunately--or fortunately, depending on who you asked later--the weird feeling didn't stop.
It grew and grew, until it felt like something was breaking out of him.
Like a cough you’d long suppressed that crawled forcefully up and out of your throat, it both hurt and felt amazing, a pang echoing out through his very core--
Then suddenly there was snow on the trees and Steve was stumbling into a teenager with fluffy hair.
“Sorry.” He muttered, right before he went down on his knees.
“What the hell---” Fluffy haired guy said, spinning around and looking at Steve like he was a ghost. “Oh shit, are you okay!?”
“I’m fine.” Steve lied, even as he gave in and laid down.
Man, this snow was nice.
Comfy and soft, and cold on his face.
There was a string of curses coming from above him, and Steve made the effort to twist his head so he could watch fluffy hair kneel frantically next to him.
“ What happened!? How did you get here!?”
“S’long story man.” Steve slurred, feeling bad and looking worse. His head fucking hurt.
“Don’t suppose there’s a guy named Eddie around? He has uh,” Steve fumbled, hands trying to point to his ears. “Pointed. You know.”
He gestured to his own ear again.
(Figured he might as well ask, given all the snow.)
The Fluffy Hair pulled said hair back at that, revealing his very own pointy ear. “Dude you’re in the North Pole, all us elves have pointy ears.”
The North Pole.
The words Steve had only ever dared to think, and never said out loud.
“Cool.” He said instead, not really feeling like he was inside his own body.
“Just--stay there, okay? My name's Gareth I’m gonna go get someone.” Gareth the elf (an elf, wasn’t that a trip. Did that mean Eddie was also an elf?) said, hands hovering awkwardly in the air, before he darted off, out of Steve’s sight.
“Can you get Eddie?” The question came out in a whine, the hurt in Steve’s chest overtaken by the pain in his head.
He didn’t get an answer.
Which was okay, he thought.
He didn’t really need one.
He had the snow, and the woods that weren’t straight out of a fucking nightmare, and, he could just sleep right here…
“Steve!”
He blinked, and found he must have passed out.
“There you are. Stay with me.” A blurry face was saying. A couple more blinks brought it into focus, and Steve knew this person, even if he couldn't put a name to a face.
The hair was longer, and there were more rings on his fingers, ones Steve could both see and feel as a hand ran along the back of his head.
Worried doe eyes met Steve's own, and just through the curtain of curls, he caught the outline of a pointed ear.
“Ed--ie?” He croaked, unsure.
“Yeah Stevie, it's me. You're okay, we brought you back to my place. Gareth is getting help.”
He was trying to sound reassuring but he mostly just sounded worried.
Not that Steve cared, because he finally figured out why older Eddie was familiar.
“Oh.” He managed, the words feeling like he had to push out. “It was you. By the--pool.”
“What?”
It felt like eons ago. The weird guy, asking after him. Back when Steve had been doing anything he could to fill the void his magic had left behind, and turned into a raging shithead as a result.
“M sorry.” Steve slurred, voice cracking in its honesty. “I was--asshole. M'sorry.”
The look Eddie gave him was wild. Like he couldn’t believe Steve was here, and definitely couldn’t believe Steve was apologizing.
Which was fair. Until last year Steve wouldn’t have ever apologized, to anyone, ever. 
“Yeah you were, but we can talk about it later. Right now I just need you to stay awake.” Eddie said instead. It was gentle, a lot more gentle than Steve felt he deserved.
It made him want to explain, more than anything, what had happened.
“I was tryin to fix…the hole. Inside.” Steve needed Eddie to understand. Needed it more than breathing, just then.
“I know, big boy.” Eddie soothed, and his hands were back in Steve’s hair.
It felt nice.
“S’not an excuse, promise it's not. I was hurt--hurting, and--I was mean.” Steve continued. It was getting harder to think, the world swimming in and out of focus, but this was important.
Perhaps the most important thing he’d done in a long time, sans saving the kids from the demodogs.
“It’s okay, Stevie. I didn’t get it back then but I understand better now and…”
He might have said something more. Steve thinks he was, but then Eddie was shaking him harshly, and Steve realized he might have tried to pass back out.
“Come on Stevie, sweetheart, you can’t sleep right now. You have to stay awake for me, okay? Steve?”
Steve tried to shake his head and hissed when he found out how much that hurt. Breathed in and out through the pain, before his brain connected back to what he’d been trying to say.
“Not jus’ to you.” He panted. “Wasn’t mean just to you.”
That was important too. That Eddie knew he hadn't been targeted. That Steve was a dick to pretty much anyone he came across.
“I know. I've uh, been watching you, from here."
“Yeah?”
“We have this giant globe. Like a crystal ball, but it’s set deep into the floor so you can only really see half of it. It can also connect to snow globes, and it can let you see places. Watch people.”
Eddie’s voice was soothing, the deep timber of it echoing through Steve’s chest. Belatedly he realized his head was in Eddie’s lap.
That felt nice too.
“I was real mad at you but the Bossman--uh, your Uncle, he kinda showed me you once or twice and then I started watching you myself. Sorry I know that’s weird--”
“Least you didn’t take pictures.” Steve wheezed and then tried to grin because that was very much supposed to be a joke.
(He definitely had felt more put together when he dropped the kids off in Billy's Camaro--so what the hell was happening? Had the shock worn off? Adrenaline?
Fuck maybe he should have just driven Billy’s stupid car back to his house, instead of leaving it at Max's house.
Asshole deserved to not know where his car was anyway.)
Then suddenly there was a lot of noise and light and fuck did that all make his head hurt. Hands went all over him, people barking orders, and a girl Steve was pretty sure was his age was peering at him.
“Steve?” She asked, but it sounded distant. Echoey and unclear.
“I can’t keep him awake!”
That from Eddie, who sounded much clearer, if not utterly panicked. 
“It’s okay, I’ve got him.” The girl said, tight but professional in a way that typically belonged to someone used to medical emergencies. “You can let him go now.”
“Are you kidding me, Buckley you’re an apprentice medmage-!”
Steve frowned at that, but found something was drifting over him. A weight, like an invisible blanket pressed down gently, and he had a second to recognize that this too, was some kind of magic before sleep tried to take him.
He fought it for a moment as a thought occurred.
One last thing he needed to say.
“You’re still good. Eddie. You’ve always been--”
The magic took him away.
xXx
It smelled like cinnamon.
Cinnamon and sharp hints of peppermint, the kind that tickled at Steve’s nose as he slowly rose back into consciousness.
Steve winced as he sat up, head itching like ants were crawling all over it. Idly he tried to scratch at his forehead and found himself touching a thick bandage, at about the same time his body seemed to catch on that he was awake.
It reminded him that he had had a hell of a night in the form of an onslaught of aches and pains.
His fingers traced the edge of the bandage as he took in the cheerful red walls surrounding him. The room was the exact kind of kitschy his mom hated, little twirls of white here and there making the place look like the inside of a candy cane.
The center piece was the full size window, taller than Steve was and twice as wide. Fat, fluffy flakes of snow drifted lazily outside it, some sticking to the window panes as they floated on by.
It was a little like being knocked out and waking up in the Wonka factory, but given all the shit that he had been through the past twenty four hours, Steve didn’t mind it.
Snow was infinitely preferable to the weird ash that came out of the Upside Down.
As if sensing he was awake, the door opposite the window swung open. A tray came through, positively stacked with a stupid amount of pancakes and oozing with maple syrup, the type Steve could smell.
“I,” Eddie announced, head just visible above the good, “had a very embarrassing meltdown when they tried to take you away from me. So suck it up Harrington, because you’re stuck with me now.”
Steve stared at him, mildly concerned he was a hallucination.
“I brought you pancakes.” Eddie added, pausing as he approached the bed like he hadn’t actually thought through to this point.
“I see that.” Steve said, just to fill the sudden, awkward silence. “There’s…kinda a lot there, man.”
So much so it was threatening to escape the confines of the tray and drip down onto the carpet.
“You play sports things don’t you?” Eddie defended, making the executive decision to put the tray down on the bed. “Kinda thought you’d need like, a lot, especially if you're healing." 
Steve snorted, but didn’t bother to hide the smile that crept onto his face.
Even if it hurt.
Dragged his gaze from the pile of pancakes now laid before him, to the man fidgeting awkwardly by his bedside.
Realized belatedly, that Eddie hadn’t changed much.
Not since Steve had last seen him, though he never in his life would have thought one of Santa’s elves would wear so much black.
(Frankly Eddie looked just like every other teenage metalhead Steve had ever met, sans the pointed ears. One of which was now pierced and had little metal hoops threaded through it.)
Eddie realized Steve was looking, and bashfully twist a strand of his hair in front of his face.
It was cute.
It made him look cute.
“You might as well sit and help me with this, it’s way too much.” Steve told him.
Which was the truth--Eddie had brought him a shit load of pancakes and Steve wasn’t exactly sure he could chew all that well right now, considering his left cheek was so puffed out it felt like a chipmunks.
Didn’t want to turn down a gift though--or rather, turn down a gift from Eddie.
Who he absolutely still needed to apologize properly too.
“I guess I should start off with a thank you.” Steve began, as Eddie dropped onto the bed. “I think you might have saved my life, though I swear I wasn’t doing that bad off before I got here.”
“Robin said the shock wore off.” Eddie told him. He didn’t wait for Steve to dig in, grabbing a pancake and rolling it up like a sausage before stabbing one end in syrup. “She also said you had a hell of a concussion, two cracked ribs and a literal boatload of scratches,”
Which sounded about right, considering.
“Still though.” Steve frowned, looking at his hands. “I mostly just fought off Billy, the demodogs never got me.”
Something he was incredibly thankful for, given the sheer amount of teeth.
“I think you’re downplaying your injuries here, handsome, you gave Robin a hell of a fright. She cursed in four languages." Eddie talked fast, just like the little boy Steve remembered him as.
It made him grin. 
“Handsome, huh?” Steve teased, and regretted it the second it slipped out of his mouth.
He hadn’t meant to call attention to it. Not just yet anyway. Wanted to work his way up to his apology and then the things he had kind of realized on his walk home (and possibly before that, though he thinks he might have…repressed it.)
Given the way Eddie froze, Steve figures he’s got about two seconds to talk himself out of it, before Eddie rightfully shut him out.
“I like it. The nicknames.” He said, which is also not what he intended to come out of his mouth and God he was really blowing this, wasn’t he?
“Steve,” Eddie started, sounding a little strangled and nope, no, he was going to fix this dammit!
“I’m sorry.” He said honestly. “I know I was an ass when you came to check up on me, and I know I said some terrible things to you. I regret it. I regret it a lot, and I shouldn’t have treated you like that.”
“You weren't wrong.” Eddie cut in, twirling a ring on his finger, eyes firmly on it. “I am gay. I am flamingly gay. And I understand if after today, you don't want me here.”
Which apparently answered the question about whether or not elves gave a shit about such things.
(Or maybe they did, and it was humans who cared, and Eddie was giving him an out for it.
Steve figured he’d ask later.
After he had finished groveling.)
“I want you here.” He said, as seriously as he’d ever said anything. “I think the real question is why you would want to help me?”
It was the one thing that didn’t add up. Why Eddie had been so nice, when he’d shown up.
Sure it was one thing to be a good citizen or whatever, help out a guy who was passed out on the ground, but Eddie hadn’t just gotten help.
He’d stroked Steve’s hair. He’d kept him awake.
Hell he called Steve sweetheart.
And now he was here again, right by Steve's bedside, checking up on him.
You didn’t do that for the guy who was a downright douchebag too you, even if it had been a few years.
Eddie bit his lip, before he chanced a look back at Steve, up through his bangs. “Because you said I was good Steve. You were the first person who ever said I was good.”
Quieter he added “And because we were friends once.”
“I'd like to still be friends.”
“Even if I'm gay?”
Steve took a deep breath, and let out a truth that he’d maybe been ignoring for almost as long as he’d tried to forget about the hole in his heart.
“Cards on the table Eddie, I’m not sure I’m not gay Or whatever both is." 
He'd heard the word once from Chrissy, but hadn't cared to remember it.
(Regretted that a little bit.) 
He got a mighty frown in response.
“Don’t do that. Don’t--joke, like that.”
“It’s not a joke.” Steve said slowly, feeling the words as he spoke them. “I think this is part of the stuff I always just--ignored. Didn’t want to deal with it, because my--”
Steve couldn’t bring himself to say magic, and so, aborted the sentence entirely. “I couldn’t deal. So everything connected to this place, to the rest of my family, to you, I just pushed aside. Pretended it didn’t exist.”
Pretended that he was normal.
Just like his parents wanted.
Then he’d met Nancy.
Realized what he felt about her, he’d always felt about Eddie. That the way she looked at Jonathan wasn’t the way she looked at him--and even then, in the love he had for her, Steve hadn’t looked at her like that either.
Steve had been attracted to her for her yes--but initially, maybe, because she’d looked a little like someone else.
Admitted to himself that he the reason he could clock Eddie so fast back when he was fourteen, wasn't because he was that good at reading people, but because he recognized what it looked like to get caught checking out a guy.
“But I could never forget about you.” Steve added because well. “I’ve never been able to forget about you.”
He’d already said cards on the table, hadn’t he?
Might as well reveal his whole hand.
“You were the last thing I thought of, when I was trying to get home. I wasn’t thinking about my house, or my parents. I was thinking about you. I’ve never been able to come back here, not after Uncle Nick,” He cut himself off again, frustrated that he couldn’t just fucking it, but made himself take a breath.
Continue.
“--but I could, last night. I could get to you.”
Technically he’d gotten to Gareth, who Steve probably also owed a thank you too, but hey, beggars can’t be choosers.
Gareth had found Eddie anyway, in the end.
“I absolutely get if you want nothing to do with that, considering I think I’m just now accepting this about myself but. I wanted you to know. You’re important to me, Eddie. You always have been.”
It was weird--Steve should have felt laid bare. Vulnerable now that he’d laid out all these things he’d suppressed, that he thought taken away alongside his magic.
Instead he felt lighter than air.
Like the weight had finally been lifted and he could breathe deep once again.
For a long moment no one said anything and Steve figured this was it, he’d gone too far, when Eddie darted in, pressing a quick kiss to Steve’s cheek.
He pulled away just as fast. Wide eyes searched Steve’s face, as though expecting Steve to change his mind. 
If anything, it just solidified it.
Steve reached out slowly, gently grabbing on of Eddie’s hands. Brought it up to his mouth and kissed the back of it, while maintaining eye contact.
Enjoyed the way Eddie’s face went bright red.
“You’re important to me too.” He managed, voice awed. “You’ve always been important to me. Stevie.”
Finally feeling like he knew where he belonged, Steve grinned back. 
xXx
Bonus
“When I said let him sleep Munson, I didn’t mean with you!” Someone screeched a few hours later, jolting Steve awake.
“He was awake when I came in!” Eddie protested, shoving himself up onto his elbows when the women from yesterday--Robin, Steve thought her name was--stormed in. “We fell asleep together after Robbie, I swear!”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Hi.” Steve said with a little wave, before the two of them could screech some more. “I’m Steve.”
“I know, Dingus.” Robin told him, eyes narrowed in fury. “You’re a member of the Clause family, everyone knows who you are.”
“Oh.” Steve said, though it felt less cool and more weird that someone had finally said it out loud.
That he, Steven Harrington, had an Uncle, and that Uncle was Santa Clause.
‘Dustin is gonna freak.’
“I’m sure Mega-Idiotson here hasn’t told you, but I’m the medmage that saw you last night. Or kinda--see I’m an apprentice medmage, but my teacher was kinda out with the Boss seeing someone a town over and time was tight and we couldn’t exactly wait--”
“Breath, Buckley. In,” Eddie teased, before demonstrating a deep breath on himself, hand sweeping into his chest before he loudly exhaled. “and out.”
“Shut up, Eddie, I’m working up to something here!”
“What is it?” Steve said, feeling like if he didn’t interject Robin would take a while to get to the point.
“I might have accidentally undid whatever was on your magic?” Robin rushed out, so fast Steve nearly didn’t catch it. “Like I can tell that’s the Boss’s magic, and that he did--whatever that was, but I couldn't figure out how to heal you with it there and it was kinda already leaking out so I just--took it off?”
Steve gaped at her.
“You fixed me?” He managed after a moment, hand darting out to squeeze at one of Eddie’s.
“Um. Yes?” Robin cautioned, like she wasn’t exactly sure that’s what she did.
“Oh my god. Oh my god!” Steve laughed, then felt absolutely stupid for not checking in with himself.
Because Robin was right.
The hole was gone--and his magic was back.
How had he not noticed that his magic was back!?
“Eddie, Eddie she’s right--I have it back!”
He turned in bed, dropping Eddie’s hand so he could cup his face and kiss him instead.
“Okay, I don’t need to see this--” Robin complained, but Steve didn’t care.
Could only laugh delighted into Eddie’s mouth, before Eddie deepened the kiss.
(“Guys seriously I am still right here! Can’t you at least wait until I’m gone!?”
“No. Now get out Robin, you’re ruining my moment!”
“It’s okay, Eds. I’ll give you as many moments as you want.”
“Ew, ew, ew-!” )
This whole ass thing on A03 if you'd rather read it there!
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furiousgoldfish · 1 year
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abused kids daydreaming: but what if there was a situation where I got hurt... and someone cared and comforted me? what then??
abused kids: oh no I'm selfish and stupid for imagining this! How could I think my pain would matter enough for someone to comfort me, I need to get over myself and start living in the real life! Comfort doesn't exist and if I'm not tough I'm not going to make it!
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royalarchivist · 2 months
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Fit: I would never hit my own children. My own biological children. I would never hit my own children, but these little bastards– [he kills a "Snot" a child-like mob] Fair game, fair game. [Fit looks at Ramon] Well, ok, biological or adopted, it doesn't matter. My children– I would never hit my children.
Fit: See, now I just opened up a can of worms– now someone's like "Ramon's your biological child???" So what if he is? So what if he is, huh? [Reading chat] No I'm not a bird, I didn't lay Ramon. That sounds painful. That sounds extremely painful.
[QSMP kicks him off the server]
Fit: You know, and– literally because we're having this conversation right now, the QSMP admins were like "Uhh, no, we gotta restart the server. Fit's talking about pushing eggs out of his ass."
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hajihiko · 1 year
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Family Business
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loupy-mongoose · 1 month
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WARNING:
This comic contains BLATANT depictions of INJURIES, BLOOD, and CHILD ABUSE.
This is not directly related to the current running story, but I was hit with a mood to share some... rather unpleasant character lore...
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softpine · 1 month
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going down, going down going down, going down
[transcript]
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hearts4juzi · 19 days
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Tessa fucks me up dude can I just talk about her for a sec? Yeah? Yeah.
She loved those drones. She loved them because they were what she had. She felt sympathy for them when nobody else did. And I like to think there was a little bit of loneliness motivating her as well.
Her mother hated her. She was nothing to her. When her mother scolded her by saying "seems you still can't follow simple orders" her respone was "No, no no! Please!" BEGGING. Begging her mother to believe in her and be kind to her. She got chained up in her room (multiple times btw. At leas tthats implied. the hand she winced at and rubbed is the same hand the chain was on, which means shed be chained up long enough for it to rub her skin painfully. long enough to leave lasting pain.)
She is very connected to these drones, to the point where she kept all the error drones aroud because she LOVED them. She spent time digging them up. HELL SHE TOOK A FAMILY PHOTO WITH THEM DUDE...
Even when Cyn was creepy and scary, she kept her around. She'd rather lock Cyn up than get rid of her. and when n points it out, shes apologetic and hesitant. But we know WHY she did that. Even if it was kind of a sucky move, it was because she didnt wanna have to throw cyn out. and in the end that killed her.
Also she knows J well enough to know what sets her off (enough to. bite the shit out of a chain). She knows them. and she loves them.
I wish we'd gotten to know more about her an N. why is he so clearly her favorite? but thats not relevant ig
also her saying "I've only ever yakked to robots, J!" She has NO human friends. she has nobody to support her other than these robots. these robots who get treated like garbage by her family.
and then she has to watch these robots turn on her. Not just THESE ROBOTS but the three that she loved most. (also im going off what wouldve happened in ep 5 WITHOUT uzi, where n doesnt get out of the swamp, and nobody goes down to the basement)
V first, then Cyn, then J. And we KNOW she loved these three+N especially bc she took a family photo w them, interacted with them more often, and generally just seemed much closer with them.
and what does she get for it? killed. And also its implied by this screenshot that she wasnt ACTUALLY killed by cyn right then
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(the scientists, the sword beside her, the footprints, the way shes sitting against the wall, the expression she has. she totally just saw all that shit)
and she cant have been skyn bc the scientists wouldve known. the skinsuit wasnt exactly. hm. pretty.
which means she DID see her whole family+more slaughtered in front of her while she was powerless to stop it. She DID see J violently kill everyone around her. She DID see Cyn kill everyone. And she just has to. Deal with that. And despite all her efforts, the solver took over and cyn killed her. (im assuming tessa died somewhere around when n's mineshaft flashback was like i mentioned b4)
and all the while she was convinced shed lose N, id assume. based on the state of the other drone out there.
And honestly, i think what she got was worse.
also i am team "N knew Tessa wasn't the same Tessa he knew back on Earth"
The way he looked at her, and the way he was suspicious of her. He knew HIS Tessa would never treat a drone like this. Cyn has been known to have relatively shitty recreations of people at times (like Thad in episode two) But even so there was no way he could believe it was someone else (like. who would it be? he saw her blood he heard her voice like...) which is why he was so stressed after killing her (when he leaned on his sword and was breathing heavy, yk?)
he loved her and she loved him and now shes dead. just like everyone else he loved.
this isnt about n but like. idk if tessa could see him now i think shed cry. she loved him and all of them
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maeo-png · 7 months
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I really hope Marceline has some kind of negative reaction to everyone encouraging Simon to put the crown back on again. maybe she panics and worries if “Ice King” has forgotten her again.
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twoheadedfather · 1 year
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anytime i think about my parents comforting me it actually makes me physically ill
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mitskijamie · 2 months
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So like. Jamie comes to watch one of Phoebe's matches, and she completely eats shit the entire time. Can hardly hold onto the ball for two seconds, trips over her own feet more than once, shoots twice and misses both times, passes to the wrong person, etc. and her team is just completely annihilated. Like. 0-7 annihilated. Demolished
As soon as time is called, she immediately walks off the pitch in tears and goes to Roy, who of course picks her up in her wet, muddy kit and kisses her forehead and tells her not to worry, there's always next week, she did him proud going out there and giving it everything she had, etc.
And Phoebe looks so small and innocent and pitiful, crying and cold and wet in her tiny little kit, and she's already so disappointed in herself and heartbroken over the score and all she wants is comfort and warmth and Roy gives her that without even thinking about it because she's a fucking child and it's a fucking game. And she knows he'll pick her up and comfort her so intrinsically that she doesn't hesitate a single moment.
Jamie just watches them and thinks about all the hours he spent crying inconsolably in locker rooms after losses, so anxious he'd throw up, stalling, not wanting to leave because he knew his father would be waiting for him when he did. Knowing there would be no comfort until he could see Georgie again.
And seeing it from the other side - being the adult in the situation - just gives him this renewed wave of fury and disgust for his father because how could anyone. How could anyone look at a precious, defenseless little child in that state, crying and desperate for comfort, and beat and berate them until they bled and cried and begged for forgiveness. Over a fucking game. How could you even think to do that. How could anyone.
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stardustdiiving · 4 months
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Me explaining in terms of strictly how I read canon I think Nahida not severely punishing the Sages is just meant to convey that Nahida, even when wronged, is not a very vengeful or harsh person and makes the choice to be kind instead, but in my mind I have this idea of a Nahida interpretation which elaborates on that where her self punishing tendencies extend to her being someone who internally downplays her own experiences constantly, and as a result has a hard time feeling she’s allowed or justified in placing a lot of blame on the Sages for what they did to her So while she is following her own philosophies regarding teaching lessons/wisdom/etc in how to handle the Sages and genuinely doesn’t want to be really angry or punishing because of who she is as a person, her decision is also influenced by the fact she’s basically blocked herself out of grappling with how to handle people who hurt her by blaming herself for said hurt instead as a coping mechanism. And like this is all just me being insane about Nahida Trauma and not something explicitly implied in canon but also I really do think this isn’t a far stretch from her canon characterization especially when my vision isn’t to conclude that Nahida needs to be angry and vengeful but she should extend the kindness she shows others to herself and also every day I get tormented thinking about she was the mental equivalent of an average human child when the Sages found her and how they basically specifically discarded her for being a child and the idea of how Nahida would pick up on + internalize that and eventually need time to unlearn it
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#nahida#genshin#fern.txt#fandomferns#fictional child abuse cw#anyways is anyone else here normal#see I think a sentiment most ppl get from nahdia’s character is correctly that she is kind despite being treated so poorly#but I want to explore her grappling with Why she does that bc she is genuinely kind#and I don’t think she’s struggling with moving on from things#but based off things she says word for word I feel it’s established nahida is very distressed by not being able to rationalize or#understand things that upset her#this is clear in both her SQs & her voicelines even down to her not liking seafood bc the unknown of the ocean#intimidates her. so I’d imagine she’s someone who responds to being mistreated by concluding#there must be a reason for it. and I actually have dialogue that backs me up here#bc when we first learn the sages have imprisoned nahida nahida herself basically says it’s fine bc her existence has#little meaning and she’s not good enough to be an archon. even as paimon is remarking how awful#the sages are for it and prompting nahida on if she’s upset w them#it’s not that Nahida isn’t insightful enough to acknowledge something as mistreatment#but rather she finds more comfort and a sense of control in having explanations for things#heck the reason she gives up her gnosis to Dottore is states in her char stories to be bc#she doesn’t want the lack of control that comes from a lack of information#nahida leaning on knowledge for a sense of control makes me esp sad when I think abt how#she does not have autonomy or agency for a majority of her life bc of her imprisonment n had fo rely on her#mind n ability to learn n gain knowledge#anyways to reiterate ks anyone else normal
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furiousgoldfish · 13 days
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There was one time I naively pulled my mother aside, and very gently explained to her: 'When you call me stupid and incapable, tell me I'll never get a job or make anything out of myself, tell me how shameful my appearance is and ridicule my mental health struggles, that really gets to me. It hurts me and it makes me feel hopeless and devastated.'
She stared at me with suspended laughter and responded 'Well to who else can I say those things but you? They're all true!' And she laughed at me.
And that was the last time I attempted communication of my boundaries. You're the person I am allowed to treat worse than everyone else on the planet, was not what I needed to hear from my mother that day. Communication does not get you anywhere with abusers.
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too-much-tma-stuff · 10 months
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I Don’t Believe You Care
Y’all are my beta readers XD if you see any errors please let me know. I’m going to post this on AO3 later.
Part one here
------
The scolding that Bruce gave Damian was the gentlest either of them had ever received, but it did cow Damian enough that he behaved while meeting Cass and Stephanie. It helped that they were sweet, Stephanie was a bit energetic and overwhelming but Cass was quiet and seemed to understand them better. She helped reign in the over-enthusiastic family friend and Danny was glad to have her as a sister. She didn’t speak much, she communicated in signs that he didn’t understand but he thought that he could learn in time, and he wanted to. When he told her so she smiled and Steph squealed, insisting loudly and brightly that they would be happy to teach him!
He couldn’t help but feel relieved that when Alfred asked Stephanie if she would be staying for dinner she joked that she should actually spend some time at home for once. It seemed like she didn’t live here, though they knew of her identity as Spoiler and her involvement with the bats, all her noise and movement wouldn’t be a consistent presence around the house. Not that Danny didn’t like her! He just thought he’d like her best in relatively small doses before she could overwhelm him.
He would ask Cass to teach him when Steph wasn’t here, it might be just slightly trickier, but he could use the excuse of letting the two friends spend the time they had together. And maybe Tim could help him practice? He must know how to communicate with his sibling after all, and Danny could already tell he and Tim were going to get along.
He was even more glad that Steph had gone when Dick arrived because as the man came barrelling in like a hurricane Danny didn’t want to think of how much chaos and noise they would be together! For all his practice in social graces they really should have prepared him for this chaos, crowds, and friendly contact. But the compound had been short sighted and ill prepared in such regards.
Dick was the worst, Danny was almost jealous of Damian who could snarl and squirm and draw a knife on the man when Dick tried to hug him. Danny put on a smile and forced a laugh and pretended that his instinctual reaction to being held like this didn’t make him want to bite and rend. He knew that Dick meant well, or at least he thought so, the man was honestly famously good natured and cared for his family. Danny wanted to be on his good side, and couldn’t bring himself to actually say he didn’t want to be touched, or at least wasn’t used to it. The sudden, quick, and broad movements Dick favoured with his dramatics made Danny want to flinch though he had better self control then that!
He dodged hugs as gracefully as he could for the rest of the night and managed to sit him and Damian between Bruce and Tim for dinner, with Danny sitting next to Tim of course. The food was good, and everyone in the family was very welcoming, but by the end of it Danny was exhausted.
He was good at this sort of thing, trained to charm, and redirect apparently effortlessly, but the thing was it wasn’t effortless, and these sorts of situations were harder to simulate then battle. Danny had done a good job, he could tell that he had them charmed, and had them warming up to Damian too actually, but he also knew that he was drooping. He should hide his fatigue, but he was still human, he yawned.
“You’ve had a long day young masters,” Alfred said, instantly picking up on the mood, he was an impressive man and they both knew it. “Now that you’ve eaten why don’t you go settle in your rooms and get some rest? I took the liberty of going to buy you some pajamas and basics that should fit the two of you. I’m sure Master Bruce will be happy to take you both out to buy clothes more suited to your taste tomorrow,” he added.
“I think that’s a good idea, don’t you Damian,” Danny asked, glancing over at his brother.
“I’m not tired,” Damian harrumphed, of course he wouldn’t admit defeat. “But I would like to see where we will be staying,” He added. No doubt he’d thoroughly check security and for any potential surveillance before he slept. Danny wasn’t going to bother.
“Very good young Masters,” Alfred said with a nod, pausing to look back at Dick. “Will you be staying the night as well?” He asked the older man, who gave a rueful smile and shook his head.
“I’m needed in Bludhaven, I was able to come for the day on such short notice but I couldn’t get more time off. I’ll schedule a proper vacation as soon as possible so I can come back and visit!” He said giving Danyal and Damian an encouraging smile, and Danny did a good job of looking disappointed that Dick was leaving even though he was glad to have some time to get his feet under him before more of the family would be under the same roof once more. Maybe he hadn’t been as subtle as he thought about dodging Dick’s affection though, because he didn’t try to hug either of the boys goodbye.
He bid their siblings farewell and followed Alfred up to his bedroom, seeing Damian into his first and then going into his own. He was quick to brush his teeth and change into the comfortable, soft pajamas they’d been bought which did fit perfectly. Unfortunately when he flopped down into bed, regardless of how exhausted he was, he couldn’t sleep. He kept replaying the events of the day, how he did, how he could have done better, what he had learned about the family and what it meant.
After maybe an hour once things had gone quiet on the other side of the wall and he thought Damian was asleep Danny sighed and got up. He opened his window and climbed out, he braced his feet on the sill and shoved off, jumping unnaturally high for a human to grab on the edge of the roof and drag himself up onto it. He scrambled up gracefully and silently, finding a comfortable place to lay, looking up at the sky. He stayed there, zoning out for a while before he heard a soft thump on the roof near him.
“How did you get up here?” Bruce asked, dressed as Batman this time, Danny glanced over and gave him a small smile.
“You can’t really see the stars here,” he said, looking back up at the sky. “I won’t miss much about the compound, but I’ll miss the stars.”
“Not settling in particularly well?” Batman asked, sitting down on the ridge of the roof, a respectable distance between them.
“Oh I’ll be alright,” Danny said with a shrug. “They always raised me to be your heir after all, Damian will have more trouble than me. Want some advice?”
“Hm,” Batman said, an affirmative sound.
“Take him to a zoo, buy him art supplies. He’ll deny he cares about such things, but I know him better then anyone and he does. Once he realizes he really can be himself out here, that’ll help start undoing the brainwashing.”
“How are you so insightful about the situation? You can’t have avoided the brain washing.” Batman asked, and Danny shrugged. “What about you?”
“What about me?” Danny asked, glancing over just for a moment.
“How do I bond with you?” Bruce asked, and Danny laughed.
“You don’t have to. I don’t need to be won over or convinced. Our grandfather is a violent fool who only cares for himself, teaching me to recognize manipulation showed me what he really was years ago. If you turned me away entirely I still wouldn’t go back to the league.” He said with a wry smile.
“Hm,” Batman sounded unimpressed. “You’re still my son. I’d like to bond with you?”
Danny sighed, not sure why Batman was being stubborn when his energy was best spent elsewhere. He sat up and looked over at Batman, tilting his head slightly. “I don’t need you,” He said somewhat bluntly. “Damian does, give him your focus. If you truly want you can buy me an instrument, and books on astronomy.”
Batman nodded thoughtfully and Danny lay back down, there was a few moments of quiet between them before B spoke up again. “How did you get up here?” He asked again and Danny sighed.
“I guess you have to know eventually,” He murmured. “Part of the reason we’re both here is because Grandfather couldn’t decide who he wanted to be his heir, it was always supposed to be Damian but something happened and suddenly I was a much more attractive choice.”
“What happened?” B prompted after a moment.
“You know about the Pits? Most people dunked in it come back less, in the mind usually, sometimes less human, feral and monstrous. But rarely, once in the blue moon, someone comes back more.” Danny glanced over at Batman, and when he blinked he let his eyes flash green, glowing with the vile waters the kept Ra’s limping along. He could have explained more about the ways that he was different now, but he didn’t want to let on more then he had to at this point. He wasn’t naive enough to trust Bruce just because they shared blood, so he simply said; “I came back More, and I mean, I’m still a trained assassin, I probably could still have gotten up here even if I hadn’t.”
“But seemingly being chosen by Lazarus made me seem like a better option to grandfather, and your… complicated feelings towards empowered people is well known. So they didn’t know if you’d like me anymore.” His eyes faded back to blue and he looked up at the sky again, he couldn’t read Bruce’s expression under the cowl anyway. “It took a lot of subtle work to convince them to send us both so you could ‘decide which of us you wanted’.”
“Do you expect me to choose one of you?” Bruce asked, unreadable as ever.
“No, not really, you clearly like having many children. Damian still thinks now that you have a biological heir you’ll turn your adopted children away, but that’s grandfather talking and he’s a fool. If you do choose one then choose Damian, I’ll be fine on my own but he needs the help navigating this world. He’s strong, he’s clever, he’s more observant than me, he’ll make a good detective. He’ll be more loyal than me once you win him over too. He’ll be harder to break of the bad habits, I’ve never been as good at killing as him, but once he learns the way you do things I think he’ll be a good Robin.” Danny said, pulling up his knees and wrapping his arms around them, it was a bit chilly on the roof.
Batman hummed and nodded, which was good, if he had continued to push Danny would have had to bring up Jason. He knew that Jason was alive of course, but Bruce didn’t and Danyal would say he was more likely to end up like Jason if he had to but that was a last resort.
“Well I want you to know that both of you are very welcome here. And neither of you have to be Robin, or anything that you don’t want to be. I’ll support you in whatever you want to do, and you being a meta doesn’t change that at all. Both of you have a home here,” Bruce assured.
Danny nodded and gave Bruce a smile before standing up and smiling. “That’s good to hear,” He said, while not believing it at all. Bruce couldn’t and shouldn’t offer such unconditional support after just meeting them. “I should get back inside, it’s getting cold, and I am tired,” He said, wandering over the edge of the roof and stepping off, twisting around to grab the edge and swung off and back through the window before closing the window and brushing himself off so he wouldn’t get to much dirt in his sheets before crawling into bed.
He wasn’t fully asleep before the door to his room opened just enough for Damian to slip inside, he wasn’t surprised, Damian and he weren’t as independent from each other as they acted like they were. “You should have locked your door and blocked it somehow. We cannot trust the mongrels Father has taken in,” he hissed at Danny.
“Damian, shut up and get over here,” Danny mumbled sleepily, not bothering to open his eyes as he lifted the blankets on the other side of the bed. He heard a scoff and waited as Damian did whatever he needed to to feel like the room was secure and then came over to slide into bed next to Danny. Danny held out his arm, they didn’t exactly cuddle even when like this, but Damian liked to hold Danny’s wrist and feel his pulse. He had done it when they were younger but he had stopped for a while, it had only started up again after he had watched Danny die, it was understandable.
Damian wrapped one hand around Danny’s wrist, seeking out his pulse and tucked the other arm under his pillow, no doubt stashing a knife there. “None of them are going to hurt us Dami. They’re used to having multiple siblings, they probably compete, but other then one notable exception we’ve never heard of any of them trying to kill each other have we?”
“You don’t know that, Father’s has never had a biological child before, they must recognize we’re more of a threat then the others,” Damian argued in hushed tones.
“They won’t, we haven’t even proven ourselves yet. We could be incompetent.”
“We’re not!” Damian objected, his voice raising just a little and Danny hushed him softly.
“No, we’re not, but they don’t know that. I would suggest we keep out heads down for at least a month, we learned what we could about them from a distance but we should observe them. We’ve never been out of the compound except on missions, we have a lot to learn and whoever does end up his heir will have to be able to pretend to be normal. I intend to take Tim up on the lessons on popular media, perhaps it isn’t practical, but what about when we inevitably have to interact with people our own age at parties? What about interviews?
“We don’t want to reflect badly on father and if we don’t know Anything about such thing, or have any hobbies, or anything of the sort people will assume he treats us poorly.” Danny murmured and Damian harumphed, even without opening his eyes Danny could tell Damian was gritting his teeth.
“Why should we care what the uncultured masses think?” He hissed furiously and Danny cracked a small smile.
“Because father does. As the Bat his reputation is half of his weapon, and his identity as Bruce Wayne is carefully crafted to both divert suspicion from him being Batman and to make people like him. Father understands well how ones image is a tool, and being a good father is part of his image as Bruce Wayne, we will have to play into it if we want to succeed.” Danyal explained as gently as he could, he didn’t believe all of what he was saying really, or at least the way that he was framing it. He was framing it in the way he thought was best to make Damian start giving the outside world a chance, and hoping that when he did give it a chance he would find he liked it.
It was quiet for a long time which was good, it meant that Damian was properly considering what Danny had to say. He was nearly asleep before Damian spoke again, rousing Danny from his half doze. “Alright, knowing these ‘siblings’ patterns would help, and I can concede the point on the importance of reputation,” He said stiffly.
Danyal had to suppress a smile at his brother’s tone. “Good. And try to remember that unlike Mother and Grandfather batman has a rule against killing. Anything you do you must make sure it is never tracked back to us, especially because he’s not going to suddenly stop caring about them because we share his blood. If he finds out we hurt one of them it would absolutely ruin our chances, or be a huge set back at the very least,” He added, again trying to gently steer his brother in the direction he wanted. He was being manipulative, but it was the way he knew that worked.
“Father should know better then to develop such misplaced attachments,” Damian grumbled but then after a moment of silence he sighed and nodded. “All of our missions have had to be done in secret anyway, with time and planning we’ll manage.”
Well, it had bought them time and that had been Danyal’s goal so he nodded as well. “Good, now sleep Ahki, we’ve both had a long day and I’m tired.”
Damian let out a soft hum and that was all, he kept hold of Danny’s wrist even as he fell asleep, as he always did. Danny liked it too, the physical reminder that Damian was there, that they were safely together. He didn’t think that either of them would have to sneak out before dawn to make sure they weren’t caught and punished for such childish behaviour, he truly felt like they could rest.
Part three
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princeparadiso · 5 months
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no childhood should be like this
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