#not because im sad but because my anxiety hates me lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

livingemkayde · 10 months

Text

waterfront

neighbor!joel miller/dbf!joel miller x f!reader

Warnings: Rated 18+. CONSIDER THIS YOUR FUCKING COMMUNITY LABEL LOL. Minors please dni. Smut. unprotected p in v. age gap. Pet names. Dirty talk. Dom!joel. Oblivious ass reader's dad. Not proof read one bit (per usual).

a/n: thank you so much for the recent love. you guys are honestly so funny - COMMENT ASK REQUEST PLEASE INTERACT WITH ME IM SO LONELY ON HERE. this lil mini series has really pushed me to write despite some…things (and by things—i actually have been getting a shit ton of hate on my din fic for some weird reason?? so im really happy this dbf corner of tumblr is very accepting cuz that was really making me feel…SAD LMFAO). also do you guys picture joel in this fic as game joel or hbo joel - i wanna know. please enjoy this token of my gratitude as always.

wc: 4.5k

this is apart of my small dbf!joel mini series, read the previous parts here:

part i part ii

if you would like to read more of mine: masterlist!

“Fuck, Joel,” you mutter when you finally relax around him, your tight walls flutter at the feeling of his cock moving halfway out of you. When he pushes back in you see stars. “That’s right honey —fuck— so good for me,” he pants, bottoming out again and setting a slow pace that punches each breath out of you. “Teasin’ me all day—couldn’t fuckin’ wait any longer.”

“Sweetie? Have you seen the sunblock?”

“Yeah dad, in the back bathroom!” you yell back from your room.

It’s honestly unbelievable.

Packing.

You’re packing.

For a weekend getaway at some beach house property one of Joel’s client’s offered him for the weekend.

Joel’s client.

Joel Miller.

Who got down on his knees for you at your graduation barbecue. Who fingered you in the front seat of his pick-up truck when your dad was looking for you.

Who refused to talk to you after that. Not like you were trying anyways. This had to stop. Especially since you and Liam have been talking more and he’s…nice. Boring—sure. But he’s what’s good for you.

He even got you a job at some hardware store on the other side of town.

Liam was keeping you company—no—keeping you busy. But not enough to stop the incessant thoughts of your middle aged neighbor who is—even worse—probably your dad’s only close friend.

You tried to keep your distance. For your sake and Joel’s. You don’t want to know what’s going on in his mind anymore. All you know is he continually runs laps around yours.

You can’t shake how he looked at the barbecue. How the sea of people parted for him like he was Moses, greeting him with strong handshakes and acrylic nails wrapping around his bicep. But even worse, you can’t stop thinking about how through all those people—he found your eyes first.

You tried to convince yourself that maybe Joel was thinking the same thing you were. That this—whatever it is—was actually fucking ridiculous and had to stop.

Because it did have to stop. But it never felt ridiculous to you, as much as you will yourself to believe.

You tried to convince yourself that much when your hand was down your pants in the middle of the night. Something sounding a lot like Joel’s name on the tip of your tongue as you made yourself come.

You aren’t sure if your dad has seen much of him either—saying something about how he was booked through the fourth of July weekend with a huge project he was working on with his brother.

That’s why you were shocked when your dad came up to your room with a grin explaining he counted you in on the weekend getaway with Joel, Sarah, and the two of you.

You were excited to see more of Sarah — she had really grown up in the time you were away. But with Sarah comes Joel, and you aren’t sure if the butterflies in your stomach were from anxiety or anticipation at that thought.

A half a day after your dad told you to get packing, you’re in the backseat of Joel’s truck, Sarah at your side, while she talks everyone's ear off about something. You aren’t really paying attention because Joel can’t stop stealing glances at you in the rear view mirror—and let's be honest. You can’t stop either.

“—so then she said to me that it was my fault. I mean can you believe that?” Sarah slaps your arm gently while finishing her story.

She looks around the car for approval and the dads just shrug their shoulders. You give her a sympathetic look.

“Sorry Sarah, sounds crazy,” you say, grabbing her hand. You—honest to god—tried to pay attention but there were so many names thrown out you couldn’t keep up. It didn’t help that the man in the driver's seat kept you up at night—almost every night—since the barbecue.

“I know! But then Jackson was like okay with it so whatever,” she gives you a knowing look, finishing her story—don’t say anything else because my dad’s here.

“Boys,” your dad murmurs to Joel under his breath, but you catch it.

You also catch Joel shaking his head in response, letting out a huff and a—

“Tell me ‘bout it.”

You meet his eye through the rear view mirror and drop his gaze quickly. His knuckles go white on the steering wheel.

You think you’re almost off the hook and maybe can get some rest but Sarah lets out the first of many—

“Are we almost there yet?”

Four more of those and you arrive at a secluded beach house on the coast. Joel pulls up to the back of the house, you can see the deck which leads down to the beach. Sarah and your dad hop out of the truck hastily—excited to see the house, and enter through the back door. It leaves you and Joel in the car together. Alone, for a few uncomfortable seconds until he finally speaks.

“You alright?”

It throws you for a loop. Joel Miller asking if you’re okay? You must be dying. You look at him through the mirror, an eyebrow raising.

“‘M fine,” you reply back, monotone.

“Do you wanna talk?”

Another surprise.

“There’s nothing to talk about. You made that clear,” you huff, putting an emphasis on you so maybe he can start to feel an ounce of what you do.

He gets out of the car but you don’t move from your position. Your dad and Sarah have disappeared into the house, undoubtedly claiming the best bedrooms and rifling through the owner’s things.

He opens your door, his hand hanging off the top of it while his other braces himself on the car near your head. He dips his head closer to you, taking up the entirety of the door frame.

“You gonna be a brat this whole trip?” His drawl, rich and velvety, almost tricks you into leaning up to kiss him, but you snap out of it from his words. The name shouldn’t make you clench your thighs together like it does. You opt for anger over letting him see what he does to you.

“I’m the brat?” You bite back. He’s not going to do this again. If it’s your last dying wish, Joel Miller will learn a lesson this trip. For leaving you high and dry. For being a fucking asshole, just like you told him at the barbecue a couple days ago.

“You think parading that lil boy ‘round here s’okay?”

“Again with Liam? It’s not any of your business.”

You look at him. Really look at him—and there’s a certain emotion behind his eyes you can’t place. Like he’s biting his tongue, and you know he is.

“What, Joel? God,” you say, exasperated.

“Nothin’—I—” he pauses like he’s trying to collect his thoughts before speaking. Then he says something that surprises you—like maybe he really does care about you and what happened in his truck.

“He make you laugh?”

You stare at him, shocked, and you can’t help but soften your gaze. You feel like bursting into a puddle of tears—but what’s even worse—you feel like running into his arms.

“He doesn’t make me cry.”

He looks down at that. Like he’s defeated.

“I told you I care,” he throws his words back in your face. From when he had his tongue buried inside you.

You roll your eyes.

“What? You think I want it like this?” He continues when you don’t respond.

“I have no fucking idea what you want.”

“I want to not be sneaking around behind my friend’s back. Your dad’s back.”

“Didn’t stop you before.”

He pushes off the car at that, putting his hands on his hips while scoffing to himself. You think you catch him mumbling something and before you can bite your tongue you urge him to speak up.

“Insane,” he grunts.

“Sorry?”

“I said you drive me fuckin’ insane.”

You pause at that. Partially because his tone suggests it’s not the typical insane but like he can’t stay away from you. Like you drive him up the walls. Like he can’t stop thinking about you. Maybe even the kind of insane he makes you feel. Maybe it's the same thing he does to you. And you didn’t know you did…anything to Joel.

“That’s my job,” you reply sarcastically instead of saying something stupid—or something you regret.

You break his gaze—looking down to unlatch your seatbelt. When your hand goes to click the button, you stay fiddling with it; the latch fails to come out of the buckle.

“‘S jammed. Need to get a repair,” he reaches over you to unlatch it himself.

But you don’t get your hand out of the way quick enough and your fingers meet over the button.

He pauses, you both do. The contact makes your head spin.

You think he’s going to pull away. An apology is already braced on your tongue but instead of moving or retracting, he tentatively rubs your hand with his thumb instead, lacing his fingers through yours like it’s second nature.

He’s in your space, and he smells like Joel, and you don’t think the two of you have ever shared a more intimate moment. Not even when his mouth was between your legs.

You look up at him, hesitant, because you aren’t sure what’s going to be looking back. But he stares at you, his eyes soft. Joel looks down to your lips and back up to your eyes. His brow twitches a bit. You let out soft pants—the peaks of your breasts threaten to ghost against his chest.

He looks at your lips again and inches closer, starting to duck his head.

“‘M sorry,” he grumbles in a low, dangerous drawl that shoots right up your spine.

You don’t think it’s a phrase he says often. You’ve never heard it. It sounds foreign on his lips, especially when they’re inching closer to yours.

“For what?” You squeak out, a breath cutting through your words.

“Everythin’.”

Your eyes urge him to continue.

“Thought I could stay away f’m you.”

He gets closer.

“Thought it was the right thing.”

You shake your head.

“But I don’t think I can stay away.”

“Don’t stay away. Don’t go,” you plead with him and shake your head. All of your plans to make him pay have honestly gone out the window. But when he says things like that and he really—honest to god—means them? You know you’re fucked.

“'M here.”

You close your eyes at his words and will your tears back when they close. All you can smell is Joel and all you can feel is his hand coming up to loosely wrap around your throat, the curve of his palm hugging your collar bone.

“Look at me.” In a blink, you do.

He’s closer, if possible.

And he kisses you. It’s the first time he’s ever kissed you. It’s not tentative, or aggressive.

This kiss feels like the real apology. Not him on his knees for you and then ignoring you after. He kisses like he’s willing you to forgive him. You know he’s not good with words—that’s why this kiss feels like the heartbreak that had settled in your chest is scattering. It feels like your old fantasies and butterflies breaching the surface are making you moan into his mouth.

He kisses you like a man starved, but also like he’s scared of messing up again.

It feels fucking good—he feels fucking good.

His hand on your throat lengthens your neck to deepen the kiss. Your hands find his bicep and squeeze the life out of him.

His other hand pulls at the hem of your shirt and almost ghosts the skin of your stomach but the sound of a door slamming snaps you both out of it. Joel turns to see Sarah pushing out of the patio door with her back turned towards you, carrying towels and a cooler. He quickly unbuckles your seatbelt with dexterous fingers, helping you out of the car.

You act like you were helping him unload the flatbed when Sarah turns around—a big smile cast on her face.

“Get your bikini on! Let’s go!” She looks at you and nods towards the ocean over her stack of beach supplies.

“Alright, alright, I’m going.”

You hustle into the house with a duffle slung over your shoulder. You can see your dad in the kitchen rifling through the pantry—the cooler for drinks and food abandoned on the floor near the fridge.

You find a bathroom and change into your swimsuit quickly. You don’t miss the wet spot on your panties. From a kiss nonetheless. You’re beginning to think you’re way more fucked than either you or Joel like to believe.

You rush out onto the patio. Sarah is probably shoulder deep in the water and it’s way too fucking hot to be sitting under the sun without taking a dip. You haven’t been to a nice beach like this in a really long time. You don’t remember the last time you went on vacation.

This is nice.

Joel is being way too…nice.

You pass him on the way to the beach where you see Sarah jumping through the water. He looks at you, subtly. Out of the corner of his eye. You try to avoid his gaze and hide your blush but you can feel his burning eyes shift to the back of your head as you give him a small smile in passing.

“Dad! C’mon let's go!” Sarah yells from the water. You look to see Joel staring back at you—you drop his eye when your dad busts through the door.

“‘N a minute!” Joel grumbles as he throws his duffle over his shoulder, carting in a crate of barbecue things for the weekend.

Your flip flops splat on the deck as you break into a small jog down to where Sarah is. She smiles at you as you run into the water. The two of you playing in the salty spring like teenagers—well she is—you aren’t.

You can see your dad and Joel settle on beach chairs some yards away from the shoreline. They sport a couple beers and talk amongst themselves while watching you and Sarah play in the water.

You catch Joel’s eye a couple times. He even comes down and throws around a football with your dad. He splashes and teases you all day.

When the sun finally extends down to the horizon and the water turns orange from its light, Sarah tells you she’s beat and basically hobbles back over to the dads on the beach chairs. She slumps down onto the one next to Joel, you move towards them as well, trying not to blush because you know Joel is looking at you before you meet his eyes.

“Tired?” Joel asks, not to you or Sarah in particular, but it falls on you—Sarah already asleep on the beach chair.

“Exhausted.” You plop down on the chair beside your dad, taking a towel and drying your hair off before moving to the rest of your body.

“Want dinner? I’ll make my burgers,” your dad inquires, beginning to stand and take the beers with him.

“Sounds good dad.” You stand and wrap the towel around your body. “Need a shower.”

You try to wake Sarah up gently, she grumbles and stalks off to the house, you, trailing behind her. She kicks her flip flops off at the entrance and moves to the couch in the living room. She’s back asleep before you get the chance to enter the door.

Your dad moves to the kitchen, you don’t know where Joel went. Maybe you left him back on the beach. You move to take a cold shower, the small tug in your stomach grew to be quite big when you caught him staring at your exposed skin on the beach.

When you get upstairs, you enter your designated bedroom. You smile when you realize it has a bathroom attached to it. You strip off your bathing suit, putting it in the sink of your bathroom.

You wrap a towel around your body and go to twist the knob of your shower. When you tug it towards hot it comes off the shower wall with a chink and you curse to yourself, the water coming out in a leak rather than a stream.

You huff. This is not what you need right now.

“Dad!” You call from the doorway of your bedroom—not wanting to venture further in just a towel.

You turn away from the door—moving into the bathroom, trying to chance figuring out how to fix it instead, when a pair of footsteps fall by your bedroom door.

“You okay?” A voice calls from your bedroom, but it’s not your dads.

You jump at the sound of a honey rich southern drawl echoing your name as Joel pushes through the bathroom door to find you in your towel, holding the shower handle.

“Jesus—” he looks away with a cough, you can tell he’s shocked to see you in just a towel. But when he sees you holding the handle he does a double take.

“What the hell did y’do?” He flips between giving you privacy and moving toward you with an outstretched hand, taking the shower handle into his own.

“I just tried to turn it on and it snapped off,” you try to reason with him, a flush coming to your cheeks when he comes into the bathroom.

“Move,” he grumbles, sneaking by you. In the brief moment you come chest to chest, you look up at him and he lets out a groan. His hand snakes by your waist. He looks down at you—a dangerous look in his eyes.

Joel breaks first, moving towards the shower.

“I’m gonna—yeah—just…uh thanks,” you gesture to your towel and shut the door to the bathroom behind you. Leaving Joel in there alone.

You throw on an oversized t-shirt and underwear before he comes out, sans shower handle.

“Thanks,” you mumble, suddenly self conscious you didn’t have time to put on pants. You aren’t sure why. Joel’s seen…a lot already.

“‘Course,” he says, but doesn’t leave like you anticipated.

“You havin’ fun?” He asks. There’s something in his tone that suggests he doesn’t actually care.

“Yeah,” you reply, breathless, “Thanks for inviting us.”

“sorry—I—” he points to the bathroom, “thought you were in trouble or somethin’.”

“‘S’okay.”

He looks at you, and down to your bare legs, your underwear just peeking out from beneath your shirt’s hem.

The way Joel looks at you—like you’re the only one who matters—stokes the fire growing in your stomach. The look in his eyes tells you he’s still wrestling with his moral compass. Like he needs to stay away for his own good, but like he said in the car—he just can’t.

Joel nods, and steps back like he’s turning to leave. You don’t want him to. You need him. When you take a tentative step toward him, he suddenly breaks into stride in your direction. The dam of fleeting touches and wandering eyes for half a day breaks. He grabs your face in his hands, kissing you hard. His tongue slips to run over your bottom lip and you whine into his mouth.

Your hands come up to rest on his chest. His, wrapping around your waist while he dips his head to start kissing your neck.

“Joel–” you start, but the feeling of his lips on the sensitive parts of your collarbone punches your breath.

He only hums at that sentiment.

“Where are we going?” you manage to get out, when he’s tugging you into the bathroom by your wrist, shutting the door behind him.

“Need to fuck you,” he groans into your ear as he spins you around, so your hips press into the bathroom counter. You can look into the mirror and see your reflection. You look entirely too fucked out from a couple kisses and he looks stone cold.

“J-Joel—ah—jesus,” you moan when his hand dips to your front and catches your clit through cotton.

“Say please,” he groans into the skin of your neck. You turn your head to catch his lips in a chaste kiss. It's all tongue and teeth, but you don’t mind either way. He’s close, he’s here and he’s kissing you.

You break away from the kiss just enough to whine out a small, “Please–fuck–”

You don’t really know what you’re asking for, but you know if that’s what he wants—you’d give him anything in this particular moment.

“Nicer.”

You whine, the pad of his finger catches your clit just right.

“Please, Joel,” you cut out through bated breath.

He huffs, you can hear the sound of clinking and shuffling behind you—the tell tale sign of his belt coming undone.

“Alright, baby, c’mon,” he pushes you down, folds you in half, your breasts pressed against marble. It's cold, and his hot hands on your waist, snaking down to slot his fingers in your underwear makes you dizzy.

“You’re a tease,” he groans when he eases your underwear to the side, the head of his cock catches your clit.

“Joel—p—fuck—” His cock catches at your entrance. You both pause for a second, reveling in the feeling. One of his hands grips your waist so hard you’re sure you’ll have bruises by dinnertime. The other pushes your face down—fingers tangling in your hair.

“Look in the mirror,” he growls, lifting your head up by your hair, just enough so you can watch his face as his tip slips past your entrance.

He stretches you out just from that, you muffle down a scream in your throat.

Joel’s mouth goes slack but he doesn’t react much with his face. He just looks down at your bodies connecting and pants while he slowly slides home.

“‘S big Joel. Feel so good—oh my god—” he breaks you open and splits you in two. His breath cuts somewhere behind your head—your eyes squeezing shut at the feeling.

He buries himself to the hilt, you curse and mutter inconsistencies into the bathroom. His iron grip on your body goes tighter if possible.

“Eyes open,” he growls behind you. “You can take it baby, c’mon.”

You will open your eyes, focusing on him in the mirror. He has a sheen of sweat already casing his forehead, his shirt is half unbuttoned with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

“Relax, angel,” he pants. “You’re squeezing me — could barely get it in,”

He settles there, you try to relax but the stretch makes you squirm underneath him. He lets you adjust to his length, cursing every time you clench around him. It’s filthy. Obscene. He’s pushing your head up — lifting you by your hair, so you can see him spear into you with no remorse. He’s filthy, and so are you.

“Fuck, Joel,” you mutter when you finally relax around him, your tight walls flutter at the feeling of his cock moving halfway out of you. When he pushes back in you see stars.

“That’s right honey —fuck— so good for me,” he pants, bottoming out again and setting a slow pace that punches each breath out of you. “Teasin’ me all day—couldn’t fuckin’ wait any longer.”

“More please,” you whine, meeting his eye in the mirror. The air is thick in the bathroom now, the potpourri on the sill of the window doesn’t really mask much of anything.

He complies—surprisingly. Moving faster and harder, each push of his hips knocks you into the counter. The grip on your waist gets impossibly tight. The hand pulling at your hair finally lets you rest back down on the counter, pushing hair out of your face when you look back at him. It rests on the back of your neck.

“Feel so good baby,” he groans.

“Joel—I’m—I can’t, I’m gonna—”

“C’mon angel, come for me,” he says, you take another peak at him through the mirror. He looks wrecked. But you look even worse.

You get impossibly tight around him while he mutters things you can’t hear over the ringing in your ears. You think you hear him toss out a small that’s right when you finally spill over the edge.

He fucks you through it, his pace doesn’t let up, the coldness of the counter brings you back to reality. Where his breaths are becoming groans and pants and he strokes your cheek with his thumb.

“‘Nother,” is all he says when your tight walls finally relax, molding to him and only him.

“I–I can’t—” you say, slumped against the counter. You sound cock drunk. It’s halfway true though. No one else has ever made you come twice in one night. You were starting to think it might be a myth.

“Know you can, pretty girl,” he goes slow at that, angling down so the tip of his cock catches something inside you that lights the fire again. “There we go. ‘S okay, can feel it already.”

He pushes you towards another orgasm, it washes over your entire body and you slump against the counter. Maybe it’s some sort of weird trance he has you in. Or maybe you were right and this — whatever it is — is getting bad. Fast. You’re threatening to fall. But he’s there, and he picks you up and holds you down.

“Jesus. Fuck, baby,” he curses into your skin when your release coats his cock and lets him sink deeper, thrust faster, push harder.

“Joel—fuck. Fuck.” Maybe the overstimulation should be getting to you, but you stay there like that, as he speeds up and his thrusts become more frantic. He chases after his own orgasm.

“Turn over,” he says, hastily. His hands move at your body before you can process his words. He flips you around and slots himself in between your legs—sliding back in deep, grinding into you while folding over so his head is in the crook of your neck.

“Please,” you whimper. You both know what you’re asking for. But he pulls out, ripping your shirt up and spilling all over your stomach and breasts. It coats you, the liquid hot and he dips his head to watch it coat your body. He lets out a strangled string of curses, bracing himself on the counter as he comes.

He kisses you. Really kisses you. You grab his face and moan into it. Like you’re willing him to stay there, in between your legs forever.

But he breaks first, moving to grab a towel out of the cabinet above the toilet. He cleans you up gently, wetting the towel with warm water before it touches your skin. The sentiment could make you cry.

When he’s done cleaning you up, he kisses your forehead. Joel wraps his arms around you as you sling yours over his shoulders. He holds you there, his hand coming to cup the back of your head, stroking your hair and breathing hot kisses into your crown. You smile, lazily.

He pulls back just enough to look at you. You know you still look wrecked and are in desperate need of a shower—he looks perfect by contrast, completely untouched and definitely unbothered.

“Dangerous,” he mutters when you look at him through your lashes.

You kiss him instead of responding.

You know Joel's right—this is dangerous.

But it feels way too good to stop.

part iv

taglist! (comment or message me if you would like to be added) kisses to you all:

@nostalxgic @iluvurfather

2K notes · View notes

nicksbestie · 2 months

Note

HI!!!! im back hehe >:]

can u please write an fem agere!reader x [kinda] cg jake & johnnie where;

> reader is colouring and starts slipping into a regressed mind without trying

> jake n johnnie then start talking to her but shes all baby [she doesnt realise while shes talking to them]

> so they both gotta figure it out [theyre confused at first]

> then when they realise whats going on [bc she told them about it a while ago] they try to take care of her

[hope this makes sense LOL]

Coloring - Johnnie Guilbert + Jake Webber

Summary : When an activity that you're doing to cure boredom causes you to slip, you're incredibly lucky that your best friends are so wonderful.

Pairing : Jake Webber/Reader (platonic), Johnnie Guilbert/Reader (platonic)

Word Count : 1276

Warnings : none!!

A/N : This is an age regression fic, which is purely safe for work and innocent. Any hate/disrespect towards me, my work, or readers, will not be tolerated.

There were some activities that never stopped being fun despite the process of growing up. Coloring was one of those things for you, and it had always been something that you did for fun, to unwind, and you had continued to enjoy the activity regardless of how old you were. It was something that turned off your brain for a while, and let you relax, listen to music in the background, and just tune out the rest of the world. You loved the way that it was able to give you some quiet space for yourself, knowing that you often needed it. However, sometimes the activity could be more child-like, and it could be a trigger for your headspace.

It wasn’t often that just the simple thing of coloring pushed you into your headspace, but if you were really exhausted, or upset, or if you were feeling any other emotion stronger than you normally would be, then it was a possibility that it could cause you to slip. This was why you would usually color alone if too tired or sad, just so that you didn’t run the risk of anyone walking in should you slip. You lived with your two best friends, who both knew about your littlespace after a long, awkward, conversation, because they came home once while you were small. They had luckily been incredibly accepting and loving, and had been there for you when you needed anything since that point.

You hadn’t taken them up on it, not wanting to bother them, and still having some anxiety around it. But you made sure that they both knew just how much you appreciated the support and kindness that they consistently displayed, always making sure that you were happy, as much as possible. Jake had already had his assumptions about what was going on before he found out, but he had pushed it to the back of his mind until that one day that he had walked in. He was always the most gentle with you, always watching to make sure that everything was okay, that you were comfortable and felt safe, even in his own presence.

Today, you weren’t feeling upset at all, and so, you were coloring at the coffee table in front of the television. There was a random show playing in the background, and you were working on a mandala coloring, switching from marker to marker every time you started on a new detail. You had been working on it for a while, and were almost finished with it. By the time you finished it, you set it to the side, tearing another of the mandala designs out of the book, since it had perforated pages. It was much easier for you to color when your page was directly on a flat surface and not just the book, and you didn’t have to worry about the markers bleeding through the paper onto the design behind it, effectively ruining it.

You were about halfway through the next drawing when you heard the garage open, and Jake’s car pulled in seconds later. You were glad that the garage had alerted you to them being home, because your back was facing the door, and if they had just walked in behind you, it probably would’ve startled you. You didn’t acknowledge when the door did eventually open, until you heard Jake yell a loud “We’re back!”. You smiled, turning around to wave at them, returning the hello as well. Johnnie walked over to see what you were doing, hugging you before glancing down at the paper in front of you.

“What’cha coloring?”

You smiled, picking up the page and showing it to him. You were always incredibly proud of the colorings that you had finished, because to you, it showed a lot of patience and dedication. Johnnie smiled, telling you it looked amazing. Jake put the stuff that they had bought, probably for his next video, and walked over to also take a look. He saw the one you were working on, and the one that you had finished earlier.

“These look amazing! I love them.”

You smiled, the praise getting to you and causing you to blush a little bit. You couldn’t deny that you did seek their approval, and it always made you feel super happy when you got it. Not that it was hard to earn, but still, it always felt like somewhat of a reward. You weren’t overly tired or upset today, but the gentle praise and soft smiles did make you feel like you were going to eventually slip. Choosing to not say anything else, you just continued to smile and work on the page you were coloring. Johnnie sat down on the couch next to you, passing you markers every now and then, throwing an arm around you and watching the show you had turned on as well.

Jake was doing something or other in the kitchen, probably making food, and when he offered Johnnie chicken nuggets, he noticed the way you lit up and immediately put some in for you. Once they had finished cooking, he brought you over a plate at the same time that he brought the nuggets over for Johnnie. You noticed once it was sitting in front of you that all of the nuggets were cut into smaller pieces, and you had a feeling that these two were just out to get you.

“Be careful, okay? You don’t wanna spill anything on the couch.”

Nodding, you started eating, continuing to color between bites. It was the combination of the cut up food, the coloring, the comforting arm around your shoulders, and the babying tone that was being used when speaking to you that caused you to eventually give in to your headspace, yet staying quiet because you do still harbor a little bit of fear about it. It wasn’t until Jake and Johnnie began having a conversation, filled with cursing and inappropriate jokes, that they realized. They made a crude joke to you, and you simply just stared at them, mumbling a soft

“Don say dat. Bad words.”

It was at this point that they simply stared back at you, completely confused at the sudden change, before snapping out of it. Jake was the first one to say anything, passing you another marker and side hugging you.

“You’re right, honey, I’m sorry.”

When Johnnie realized the tone of voice that was being used, he understood what was going on, and he couldn’t help but think that you were absolutely adorable. They both felt so honored that they were trusted with such a vulnerable part of your life. They both began making sure that everything around you was appropriate. Johnnie switched the channel, and Jake gently offered a different coloring book, one that had lots of cartoon characters in it. He didn’t make you take it, but he offered it to you, just in case you’d want it. Those designs would take a lot less patience to finish, thus possibly avoiding a potential meltdown. Jake easily cleaned up the dish once you finished your food, bringing you some juice to drink, and making sure that you were always wrapped up in someone’s arms, and feeling safe.

The rest of the night went arguably the best you could’ve asked for, neither of them blinking an eye at the babyish vocabulary, or the emotional state that you had sometimes. They both knew that when you were no longer in headspace, you would probably be anxious about what had happened, and they were fully prepared to reassure you and tell you that they loved caring for you.

~ taglist : @jake-and-johnnies-slut @gvf23 @elliem505 @ilydeaky @maryx2xx @oobleoob @aemrsy @blahbel668 @mystic-maniac @maddytheweird @707xn @jasperthefriendlyghostt @camille-1019

~ if you'd like to be added to my johnnie and jake taglist, click here!

~ my inbox is open, come chat!! <3

114 notes · View notes

1427 · 2 months

Text

When the Levee Breaks (pt. 5)

Daryl Dixon x OFC

Story Summary: The one in which a stripper that used to know Merle and Daryl shows up at the Atlanta camp. Daryl’s feelings are complicated but mostly he hates her, right?

Chapt Setting: The Farm/Woods

Chapt Warnings: pretty explicit drug use (meth), season 2 Daryl, degrading/sexist language (he’s starting to get better lol), SOPHIA CHAPTER (I think that deserves a warning)

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: Daryl’s POV story. Daryl’s starting to be less of a dick, trying really hard to make it feel organic/make it make sense in the story. Idk. This chapter was really rough to write because… it made me sad. Also have no idea if it even makes sense (the hallucination bit, really hope it does) lol ALSO; I looked up some timeline stuff and i just?? Really thought Daryl was out there for days on his own? But apparently he wasn’t? We’re just gonna say that he is in this story. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I can only do so much when the timeline of TWD is fucking stupid sometimes. (I mean it. Come for me. Idc. Rick was in a coma for 59 days without food or water???!?!!!? Bye)

masterlist

17+ mdni (no smut in this one tho sorry)

Like fiberglass in my veins, it tears through me. Mellow, at first, almost think I should rail more before I can feel myself sweatin’. Different kinda sweat, comin’ from my fuckin’ soul.

Haven’t felt like I was doin’ something ‘wrong’ since I was little. That feeling that ch’ya get when you’re doin’ somethin’ ya know you’re not s’possed to. This ain’t the first time I done spazz, but maybe it’ll be the last. The anxiety about doin’ it goes away the second I feel the devil kick me through my nose to the back of my brain. Even though I know it’s comin’, it always feels like gettin’ skullfucked by satan.

Been out here for a day. I brought Merle’s shit with me because I decided to finally get rid of it somewhere. But I got somethin’ that needs doin’. And anyway, I got years of experience with ice. Not doin’ it. Sometimes doin’ it. Never let Merle know, he’d’ve made some big whoop ‘bout it. And everytime he’d gone and done more than he remembered, he woulda blamed me. Shit though, sometimes it was.

M’not like Merle and Beatle. Ain’t an addict. Can do shit and put it down. Always been able to put it down. Figured other people could too, that they just didn’t wanna. ‘m not sure, but still kinda think that.

Never felt fuckin’ guilty about it before, though. Fuckin’ Beatle. I’unno if it’s cuz I’d be done with her if she did the same shit, or if it’s cuz I know if she knew that I was - she’d be mad at me. Mad I didn’t invite ‘er.

But this shit ain’t for fuckin’ playtime. Only reason ‘m even doin’ it i’so I can find Sophia. So I can stay awake, focus, and get ‘er back. They use ta use this shit in war. War’s the reason methamphetamines even exist. Nazi’s? Hell, every single one of ‘em in WWII. Kamikazi’s loaded up, totally fuckin’ wasted outta their minds on crystal while they bolted ‘em in. Kept ‘em awake, kept ‘em happy, kept ‘em focused on the mission. Tha’s what I gotta do.

I can’t stop lookin’ til I find ‘er. Sophia. ‘m the only one that can, only one that knows how. And anymore, ‘m the only one that seems to give a shit. ‘Sides Carol. And Beatle. She wanted ta come. Told her she’d only slow me down. Distract me. Drawn more geeks. She woulda. Told her I didn’t need food either but she packed me some anyway. Knew I wasn’t gonna be hungry. Knew I was gonna use this dumb shit to help. But whatever.

Doesn’t matter what happens to me, right? My life’s not worth nothin’, not compared to that little girl. Now that her old man’s outta the picture she actually got a chance. Maybe not mucha one, not the way shit is these days. But she got ‘er mom. And ‘er mom can actually be ‘er mom now. Not scared of some piece’a shit prick that finally got what was comin’ to ‘im.

Man fuck that guy.

The trail I’m followin’ disappears so I backtrack to the mangroves where I found her doll and try to find another one.

I start to wonder what kinda old man Beatle had. What kinda mom? Startin’ ta realize I don’t know a damn thing about Beatle. I know she likes drinkin’, she likes laughin’, she likes fuckin’ with me. But…

Beatle keeps surprisin’ me. Not just because she let me hump her face a few days ago, the fact that she liked it, shit I haven’t even had a second to process that. Nah, more cuz she hasn’t brought it up. Hasn’t tried to hold my hand again. Hasn’t been annoyin’ me nearly as much. Not even at all, if ‘m honest.

My brain’s goin’ a million miles a fuckin’ second over Beatle and what happened between us. Not just the other night, but back then. Got questions that need answerin’ but she ain’t here. Try to keep myself occupied with trackin’ but it ain’t like trackin’ takes much thinkin’. Follow every trail I pick up, but none of ‘em lead me to Sophia.

I’d prob’ly start gettin’ really frustrated about this, but that’s what crystals good for. All the dopamine I need, and nothin’s annoyin’. Focus.

✨🏹

Bent branches, wilted leaves, mud impressions, walker guts. Trees and rocks and blood and mud and dirt and greens and browns and reds and blacks. And it’s dark and it’s light and it’s dark. And it smells fuckin’ rotten. Bent branches, wilted leaves, another trail, another dead end, another undead shithead. Bent branches, wilted leaves, mud impressions, Beatle.

How many times did I go into Merle’s bag and take the devils dick up my nose? Cuz Beatle’s standin’ here right in front of me. ‘Cept she’s all done up in makeup and glitter and her pupils are the size of dimes. Little pink crop top, tiniest pair’a daisy dukes I ever seen. ‘n she’s in my face sayin’ the shit I been thinkin’ about her sayin’ since that day she said it.

“I like you, Dar.”

“You like bein’ fucked up more.” I say it like I said it the last time.

“That’s not true! I mean - I like you, Daryl.” She steps closer, tries to put her hand on my cheek before I brush her off. She slumps back a little, turning away. “You like me, too. You said it.”

My hearts in my fuckin’ throat and I’m standin’ there, this can’t be fuckin’ happening. I know is’not but doesn’t make it feel any less real. “Tha’ was before I really knew ya, Beatle.”

Hate that I said that to ‘er. Did I really say that? Cuz maybe that’s how I felt. Hell, maybe that’s how I felt last week. But it ain’t fair. I don’t know her. Still. Now. Don’t know ‘er at all. Thought I did. Thought I understood what kinda girl did those kindsa things. Is that really what I said? Fuck.

She’s still turned away from me, but I walk the half circle around to look at her face. And she’s sobbing. Silently, trying to stay as still as possible. I… I don’t remember this part. Maybe I didn’t see it? Nah, I saw it. Just didn’t care. Didn’t wanna look at ‘er. Didn’t want to hear her lame ass confession. Especially after she’d brought up that I told ‘er I liked ‘er. She sniffles and wipes her face before she pulls a bubble pipe out of the waistband of her shorts and lights the bottom, starts smokin’ it. She asks if I want a hit, like last time.

I go to say no, but the words don’t come out. Instead my hand reaches for it. I look back up and Beatle’s dressed all different. Baggy jeans and a bikini top. That night. Fuck. Shit. I don’t want to relive that night.

“I promise, I won’t tell Merle.” She says, handing me her lighter. And I smoke it. Inhaling the vapor slowly like she had. “You gotta sip at it, like it’s a coffee and you’re drinking the air to see if it’s still too hot. Roll the bowl or it will burn.” I do it the way she says. She’s like ten years younger than me, but she looks at me - talks to me like it don’t matter. Like she don’t see it that way. Guess I don’t either, never really did.

I’d never wanted to smoke it before. But that night I wanted to. With her. Woulda done anything she’d asked that night ‘fore she ruined it. I ruined it. Til it got all fucked up an’ it was never the same again. Not the way I saw her, not the way she looked at me.

I’m goin’ through memories like they’re happening all over again. Feelin’ fuckin’ sick. I don’t wanna remember this.

I hand the pipe back to her and she asks, “How do you feel?”

“Fine.”

“Just fine?” She smiles.

“Good.” I clarify.

“Good.”

Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it. “I think I like you, Beatle.”

She laughs too hard, “you think?” I feel myself getting sicker and angry again all at once.

I split in half. One half feelin’ those same feelings I felt. That this conceited fuckin’ bitch really acts like everyone likes her. I hear her words and it sounds like she’s sayin’ ‘well obviously’ - but the other halfa me hears it like a real question. Like she wanted ta know what I meant. I don’t remember how I responded then, but I can hear myself say it, “Self-obsessed cunt.”

Beatle laughs, “Is that what you like about me?”

My misunderstanding continues; Thought she was pickin’ on me. Makin’ funna me. All these years. All this time. Thought she was fuckin’ laughin’ at me. Never told a girl I liked her. Not that I never did like one, just never told ‘em. Not like some teenage fuckin’ confessional. And I do and what? she just laughs.

Shit.

Cuz inside ‘m screaming. Screamin’ at myself ta say somethin’ different. To jus’ tell her. She’s special, she’s exciting, and when she smiles at the shit I say it makes me feel like I’m the only one in the fuckin’ world to her. Tha’s what she wants ta here. Tha’s why she’s askin’.

“Nah. Forget it.” She nods, and I thought she did forget it. She forgot until she brings it up again in the memory I already re-lived.

Tha’s how I was so damn sure she didn’t give a single shit about if I liked her or not. Didn’t bring it up again for months. Didn’t give a single shit about me at all. Felt stupid for ever thinkin’ she might. Just a dumb crush on a dumb girl, and I forgot everything about it. An’ every little thing she did that made me like ‘er ended up as somethin’ else I hated. And every time I saw her after that she was fucked up on somethin’. Meth or booze or weed. Usually all three.

It comes at me like a fuckin’ freight train, her lips crashing into mine, but this time I want it. Don’t wanna stop kissin’ ‘er. Instead my arms move and I push her down to the ground. She’s wearing the crop top again, can tell she’d been cryin’. She’s layin’ there in the rocks lookin’ up at me and I flash back to the living room where this happened, where she’d told me she liked me back. I wanna beat the shit outta myself for makin’ her look like that.

How didn’t I see it?

I did see it. I just didn’t care. Thought I knew what kinda girl did those kinds’a things.

Wonderin’ what kind of old man she had. What kinda boyfriends before she met me. How maybe she’s just as fuckin’ scared’a feelin’ stuff as I am. How maybe it took her months to even get up the courage to tell me after I’d told ‘er never mind and slowly started to hate her. How many’a those drinks were for courage? How many’a those hits were cuz she was nervous?

Shit.

And she’s runnin’ away like she did then. Away from me an’ outta my life until a few weeks ago. I know it ain’t real but I run after her anyway. Screamin’ her name into the open air like maybe somehow I can change it if I can get her to come back. But she’s gone and ‘m still running tryin’ to find her. Screaming for her ‘til my throats hoarse.

‘Til the walkers hear me.

✨🏹

Andrea fuckin’ shot me. What is wrong with this fuckin’ group?

✨🏹

Beatle’s in the bedroom with me but I can’t look at ‘er. Don’t wanna. Feels like she knows what I was doin’ out in them woods without ‘er. Like she can see the dirty shit in my soul and for some reason it makes me ill. Can’t look at ‘er. Knowin’ I hurt ‘er like that all that time ago. Knowin’ it now like I ain’t ever known anything else.

It’s just me ‘n her and she doesn’t try to talk to me. Just lets me lay there hatin’ myself for all of it. Didn’t even find Sophia.

Spent a lot of my days in my life hatin’ myself. Thinkin’ I was good for nothin’. Now ‘m sure of it.

I feel the bed move under the weight of her. She hugs herself around me, and like some pathetic kid I fuckin’ cry. Don’t know if she can tell or not but she tries comforting me anyway. “It’s okay, Dar. You did your best.” Her voice… how could I have ever thought it was annoying? Her bein’ so nice just makes me hate myself more.

“Lea‘me alone, Beatle.” Shakin’ her arm out from around me. She gets off the bed and sits back in the chair she’d been in. God, I fuckin’ hate myself. Wanna scream No, come back. I didn’t mean it.

Still got question’s that need answerin’. This time Beatles right here, and I ain’t got nothin’ to lose. “Why were you naked in Merle’s room?” Grateful that she’s sittin’ behind me. Don’t think I could talk to ‘er ‘bout this stuff if she was lookin’ at me. Right now? If I saw her face? Don’t think I could talk at all.

She laughs. Fuck her stupid fuckin’ laugh. “I still can’t believe you think I fucked around with Merle.”

“Why not? Y’all hung out every other day.” My voice is sharp, feels like she’s laughin’ at me again. Always feels like everyone’s laughin’ at me.

“We all hung out every other day, Dar.”

“Stop callin’ me tha’.”

“I was carpet surfing. Your dumbass brother spilled all the schkag all over the damn place.”

Oh…. But, “Ya didn’t have any clothes on.”

“I never had any clothes on, Daryl. You sure I wasn’t just wearing something ‘slutty’? You know, like you always said I was? Cuz I don’t remember, but I’ve never been naked with Merle. Ever. Sounds fuckin’ gross.”

Oh.

It made sense. Makes so much sense, ‘specially now. She keeps talkin’ an’ ‘m grateful cuz if I tried to say anything else I’d start fuckin’ cryin’ again. “I liked you, man. I…” she stops herself. Wanna beg her to keep goin’ but I can’t.

Instead I ask ‘er the only question I got left, “Why’d ya leave, then? Ya left ‘n ya never came back.”

She’s silent for a long time. “When you and Merle moved, where’d you go?”

She did come back.

“Why’d ya leave, Beatle?” Doesn’t matter where Merle and I went. She’s avoidin’ the question.

“Got sober. After that night… with you. Wanted to get sober. Wanted to…” she don’t say the rest but she don’t need to. I got it. Fuck, my heart can’t take it.

“Cuz I said ya liked gettin’ fucked up more than ya liked me.” It ain’t a question. I know.

“Think it was more the other thing you said.”

Tha’ was before I really knew ya, Beatle. I can still taste the words. “Shouldn’t’a said that to ya.” My voice is barely a whisper.

She gets back up on the bed and puts her arm around me again, this time I don’t shake her away. Her voice, so close to my ear, “I didn’t want to tell you that I came back. I didn’t want you to know that I got sober for you.”

What? “Why not?”

“Wasn’t sure you’d care. And if you did… I didn’t want you to have all the what-ifs in your head that I have in mine.”

She hugs herself into me so tight it’s hard to breathe, and she tells me, “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

I feel guilty, can’t take any of that back. Can’t make any of it better. I don’t deserve this. Her. After all the nasty shit I ever thought about her. After what I did to her the other night. I can’t bring myself to tell her to leave cuz I know she wants to be here. Don’t wanna make her cry again.

So I let her hold me. Even though I don’t fuckin’ deserve it.

#daryl dixon #daryl dixon fanfiction #twd daryl #daryl fanfiction #the walking dead daryl #daryl dixon x oc #daryl dixon imagine

71 notes · View notes

rabbitsrams · 9 months

Text

jus some comfort w/ schlatt bc im sad <3

(also this is just me writing out my anxieties don't mind it lol)

another difficult day. another day wherein your anxieties consumed you and you couldn't do what you had wanted.

it was just a stupid phone call. you could make phone calls, you're a whole adult! and you've made so many of them before!

and yet, you just couldn't bring yourself to do it. which messed with your brain since you needed to arrange this meeting SOON! you still had time, and you knew delay would just prolong it, but it was just.

too.

hard.

and you hated yourself for how pathetic you were being. how your anxiety hindered so much out of you. it just. fucking. sucks.

so you opted to wrap yourself in blankets and cry your heart out. it would bring some temporary solace since you were able to let it out, but you knew that it wasn't over.

you just wanted a hug.

schlatt came home after a pretty long day of editing and recording. he had headphones blasting, so he couldn't hear your sobs.

"i'm home!" you quickly quiet yourself, trying to control your breathing and sobbing. it worked, just for a moment. quickly you were crying again. and this time schlatt heard you.

he rushed into your bedroom, his heart breaking at the sight of you in tears.

"baby..." you wail. he quickly scoops you up into his arms, rubbing your back as you cry.

"it's gonna be okay, you'll be okay. let it out, i'm here." he kisses you softly on the cheek.

"don't let me go, please."

"of course not, i'm not goin' anywhere."

eventually you had calmed down, schlatt helping you with some breathing exercises. he handed you the box of tissues by your bed so you could wipe away your tears and blow your nose.

"you okay?" he asks, wiping away a stray tear with his thumb.

you nod. "oh no i got your shirt all dirty, i'm sorry honey." you get up from the bed to get him another shirt.

"no big deal, toots. 's long as my baby's okay, all of my shirts can get dirty."

you giggle, handing him that pink floyd tee you love so much. "you're so corny."

"and you love it," schlatt cuddles you close. "come here, lemme love you."

you were glad to escape real life for a bit. because this moment, right now, with your favorite person, was all that mattered.

#jschlatt x reader #schlatt x reader #jschlatt fluff #schlatt fluff #jschlatt fanfiction #jschlatt imagine #jschlatt x you #jschlatt x y/n #schlatt fanfic #jschlatt fic #schlatt fic #schlatt imagine

202 notes · View notes

marrfixated · 8 months

Text

Pinned post/My info:

Last updated May 4, 2024

TL;DR: Marr, he/she/they/any, neurodivergent, Total Drama (Alenoah, Priyemma, etc), fanfiction, sideblog @priyemma

Sooo busy lately but TD is always on my mind

My name is Marr! I use He/She/They and any pronouns. I’m Omni, Bigender, and Aspec. Or something. I’m cool with any gendered terms, and I pretty much use them interchangeably myself. Gal, guy, neither, whatever!

I have ADHD and anxiety (both diagnosed) along with other things, but those are the ones I’ll probably talk about on here the most. I’m mixed White and Latina (plus Native) but fairly white passing. I speak English and want to learn Spanish, but I’m definitely not fluent. American and more “country” than I realize lol

Right now im really into Total Drama. It’s one of my longest lasting hyperfixations so far! I also post about a few other things, like House M.D and Dungeon Meshi. (More likely reblogging those things though.)

Specifically in Total Drama I mostly post about Alenoah and Priyemma. Recently been talking about the newest Reboot season (and my complaints with it). I talk the most about World Tour and TDI 2023 because it’s been a while since I’ve watched all the seasons and those are the ones I remember the best. I plan to rewatch them all… someday. I haven’t even finished watching reboot s2 because it’s painful!

I love shipping! I can’t even list them all because there’s so many tbh. I am very much a multi shipper and I constantly am finding new things to ship! I try to not engage in ship hate ever, but sometimes I slip up lol. I post some less-than-positive content about Nemma on occasion or Juliayne… everything that could be considered ship hate is tagged as such and never tagged with the ship that is being slandered.

I can’t really draw, so if I ever post my beginner drawings please be nice lol 😭 I’m still developing a style and learning. I have many, many WIPs that I might share here and there. I do really want to be able to draw confidently and make art for the things I love!

I’ve started writing fanfiction again lately! It’s a struggle for a lot of reasons. Props to everyone who writes fics because it’s hard. It takes me hella long too! I usually get out at least one a month. My user is Marrfixated on AO3, feel free to leave comments or kudos!

I’ve written four Alenoah oneshots so far. Most recently posted Contra Entendre, so go read that! I have 3 other oneshots that are somewhat written and I’ll post someday, but I’ve shifted my focus to planning some longer fics. I currently have an Alenoah AU and a Priyemma post-canon fic in the works! The latter is my main focus as I plan out the entire thing.

I also have tiktok @Marrfixated. I post on tumblr more than TikTok because it’s easier, but I started off there. I don’t really use anything else yet (except ao3). I also have a Priyemma centric sideblog on here (@priyemma), where I’ll sometimes reblog content from and vice versa.

You’re on thin ice if you engage in ship discourse, constantly hate on ship I like (it makes me sad 💔), or are a dsmp fan/an enjoyer of any of Vivziepop’s works (I don’t like you).

Proshippers DNI. Zionists DNI. Vivziepop defenders DNI. Dream supporters DNI. Dsmp supporters also DNI. Do some damn research.

I might post suggestive things here sometimes, but I don’t think I ever have or will post any extremely nsfw content. I don’t plan to EVER post nsfw or suggestive related content related to td, it makes me uncomfortable as most of the characters are minors. I do curse a lot, and reclaim the f slur on occasion. Please don’t engage in ship discourse on my account for no reason! That’s no fun.

I usually take like 3 years to answer asks or dms or whatnot for various reasons… but I swear I don’t mean any offense! I just um forget sometimes 😇 Or I post it to drafts instead… or I get nervous 😶 and sometimes idk if you just sent it or want me to actually respond so I just guess? Ummm yeah. Also they go missing a lot. Probably have to figure that out. Oops!

I reblog a lot so right now I’m trying to tag all my original posts as #original post. Lazy posts are usually tagged with #shitpost. Random posts are usually tagged as #nonfandom post. My td fics are tagged as #my fanfiction.

That’s it!

#original post

28 notes · View notes

lesbianspeedy · 1 year

Note

Connor has called Ollie solely "dad" since Quiver why is he calling him "Ollie" now 😭😭😭

This is mean but I laughed out loud when Connor said Tim was the first person he talked about when he was figuring out being ace years ago. Lol. Lmao even. Tumblr really gaslit that poor writer into thinking Connor and Tim had an actual friendship with all their clamoring about him being with the wrong Bat huh. "Where were you?" GEE I didn't know you had to give daily updates to that one kid you teamed up a few times and had some friendly banter with. I love queer solidarity and the whole thing about us finding each other before we even know we're queer but. NO Connor would not have talks about his sexuality with Tim. Cmooooon you're telling me the first person he'd talk to about being ace wouldn't be Kyle "you can tell me if you're gay, Connor" Rayner?

At least that "this is just another thing me and Ollie don't have in common" anxiety is something already established. Like, that's basically the same thing he says to Roy when Roy takes him to that strip club even if it's an issue by Winick (do you ever stop to think about how unintentionally well laid out Connor being ace is and lose your mind a little bit?)

I'm just. Really sad about how Ollie and Connor's relationship is being presented to this new generation of readers. It's like we regressed to the time Ollie was dead, ya know? And I don't like Connor solely for his relationship with his dad, I want him to be a character on his own. But I can't help but being saddened by how he is losing his relationship with everyone that matters. For better or for worse, at least the new GA series is gonna have him interacting with his family (but what about Kyle, Eddie, Jansen and Moonday, ya know?)

The thing is that the story is good and I like its message. It just... Could be with any other character

im tempted to post this without an "answer" because its really well laid out and deserves to be a post on it's own. but i just rlly like ur points and want to interact with them so.

i think there were a few times between quiver and now where he interchangebly used dad and ollie but i get what you're saying, referring to him like hes estranged still was odd.

i totally agree, the idea of queer solidarity is important and should be shown, but i think this was a weird choice to go with. i think the most intimate (from my memory, i havent reread connor's run in a while) question connor ever asked tim was whether batman was his dad (at that time the answer was still no, as jack hadn't been killed yet). and that was only asked because connor was still his charmingly-awful-at-secret-identities-self. the part of their limited friendship that was interesting was the dynamic of new-sidekick-legacy meets new-main-legacy (for lack of a better descriptor), both struggling to uphold what they thought was expected of them. they never got to really advance from that stage of knowing each other to being at a place where they are friends out of costume, let alone discuss their SEXUALITIES.

i agree that the not being in common thing was a nice nod to past character complexities, though it felt slightly like it was the writer genuinely believing that to be true, and not just a rehash of connor's complicated feelings.

i know, its a weird stage we're at now, the resistence to fully accepting the connor that came from the end of his green arrow run, not just the beginning of it. by the end he had come to peace with being green arrow, and not being his father but that being okay. and that's not to say this is all the current writers fault (though williamson has done absolutely no favours with his writing), as winick and krul absolutely demolished any character connor had for their angst and whatever. (remember when connor aggressively yelled at mia for complaining about being stalked by zatanna without being told? or when after being turned into plastic and losing his memories he then decided he hated buddhism and oliver?). (not to mention the seperation from eddie jansen moonday kyle and. despite all of this complaining. tim cass and steph. winick set this precident and i will never forgive him)

i agree, it had good framework, and it couldve been a much more cohesive story if they. had just not used this friendship.

#connor hawke #green arrow #dc comics

48 notes · View notes

itzsleepintime · 1 month

Text

"Hey.... Don't let go, okay?"

Hello, everybodyyy!!! This is my side blog (I'll consider putting my main blog here in the future), which is going to be for roleplaying, and a bit of art then and there!

Here's something about me :]

You can call me Jayden/Jay/Sleepy!

I'm an [age regressed!] adult with ADHD/who is Neurodivergent! I consider myself a hikikomori, asocial fella who suffers from social anxiety T0T also a bit touch starved hehe 👉👈

My regressed age is about 7-10! But my true age is 19 ^^

I'm genderfluid, and use any prns (She/He/They)! I'm also Greyromantic, Demisexual, Polyromantic and Bicurious!

I'm in a constant state of sleepiness, and a bit of a softie, who likes plushies, fresh/flowery/soapy/baby scents, soft blankets, feeling clean and warm, and comforting pampering ^^

I love to draw, read and listen to music in my free time! Oh, and play with my favorite plushie lol XD

My favorite animal is raven! My favorite color is red, white and black! My favorite food/drink is pasta, chocolate and coffee! My favroite music genres are classical/dubstep/breakcore/vocaloid/electronic (im srs yall i like everything💀)

Some of my icks/dislikes: feeling cold, being in public, talking when I'm sad/angry, bugs, feeling tired, (which is always😒), little children, people touching my plushie, feeling lonely, loud noises/yelling, people being inconsiderate/non-understanding/judgemental, feeling dirty

It will mainly be self insert/OC roleplays with other characters! Slowly but surely, I will be introducing some of my characters as time goes, who I ship with and which fandom they belong to! It will be either platonic or romantic themed!!

Fandoms I'm interested in for roleplaying: Transformers, Cookie Run, JJBA, OMORI, FNAF, Call of Duty, Sonic The Hedgehog, LOTR, Skyrim, Dragon Ball, Demon Slayer, Jujutsu Kaisen, Attack on Titan, Friday Night Funkin', Madness Combat, Deltarune, Naruto, Chainsaw Man, Monsterverse, ENA, Marvel, The Stanley Parable, HALO, One Punch Man, TADC, Fran Bow, Little Misfortune, Honkai SR, Pizza Tower, Ace Attorney (yes, a long list i know💩)

WARNINGS!!!

⚠PROSHIPPERS /COMSHIPPERS /RACISTS /LGBTPHOBICS /HATERS /ZOOPHILES /PEDOPHILES /FURRIES (SORRY) /TOXIC PPL /SEXISTS /NAZIS /TERFS /ZIONISTS /AI ART USERS DO NOT INTERACT!!!

⚠ I have age regress, so I may act brash and not so 'adultey' as I'm expected! the tone I use may be a bit too energetic, so, if you find it annoying or uncomfortable, feel free to block me!

⚠ I cuss a lot!

⚠ I can be quite forgettable! If I happen to ghost you/forget to answer/don't remember some of the things you said, I'm really sorry, it was never my intention🙏

⚠ My OC and S/I lore is very... Unrealistic, which means, they are usually non-human and/or immortal beings with a bit of overemphasized powers and such. If that bothers you, feel free to block me!

⚠ If you are easily triggered by dark themes such as d3ath/overal depression things, do not interact, it's for your own safety. Out of coping mechanism, I might reblog some jokes about those themes, so, again, feel free to block me if that is triggering for you!

⚠ Because of that, this blog is 15+!!!

⚠ It is a safe space for any LGBTQ+/Neurodivergent person, and any Race/Ethnicity/Age!

⚠ Sometimes, I will post my OC/Canon art here! If OC x Canon/Canon x Canon art bothers you, no hate, just block please!

RULES!!!

⚠ This blog is SFW!!! However, since I am an adult, I might be following blogs who can be BOTH SFW AND NSFW!!! I WON'T be posting anything NSFW here, but, if you are a minor, please do not interact with them, be warned.

⚠ I won't do SA, incest, minor/adult, zoophilia, etc.

⚠ If I didn't answer your ask, that only means two things: I deleted it because I felt uncomfortable answering it, or I'm too busy to answer it.

⚠ If you approach with pure hate/toxicity and act like a creep, you will be blocked and/or reported.

⚠ No drama, please. I don't want to be part of anything related/unrelated to me. Trying to start any drama results to an instant block.

⚠ Do not spam in asks/messages. Have in mind that I, and any other roleplayers, have life outside these blogs, and can be busy quite a lot if it happens.

TAGS!!!

(Nothing here yet!!! It will be updated in the future!!!)

[Thank you for reading <3]

4 notes · View notes

rrcenic · 5 months

Text

in memory of neil perry on his. suicide day lol. i’m dropping my anderperry playlist 💪💪💪

im putting the songs, the artists, and some reasons/lyrics that put them on my list :)

just take my wallet by jack stauber

it’s singing to a loved one who is no longer there, implied that they took their own life

lyrics that give anderperry vibes:

“your mamas crying for you”

“good times are singing, they sang, they sang, those times are echoing through me”

“what’s the softest way to say you took away my friend, my buddy, what’s the kindest way to say the end”

hidden in the sand by tally hall

this song is a bit unsettling but sweet and sad. it’s about confusion and love

there are no lyrics that really scream anderperry, it’s just the vibes tbh

when she loved me by sarah mclachlan

yeah this was the toy story song. but it still. it’s just. aaaah

it’s a forlorn memory of a love that is gone

lyrics:

literally all of them are anderperry istg

this december by ricky montgomery

i’ve actually already made a post about this!! https://www.tumblr.com/rrcenic/735574508285689856/this-december-by-ricky-montgomery-is-the

talk to me by cavetown

this song holy shiiiit-

it’s kind of. it’s like asking someone you love that it’s okay to talk to you about their problems. saying it’s okay to not be perfect.

lyrics that scream anderperry:

“we can talk here on the floor, on the phone if you prefer, i’ll be here until you're okay”

“let your words release your pain, you and i will share the weight, growing stronger day by day”

“it’s so dark outside tonight, build a fire warm and bright, and the wind, it howls and bites”

“anxiety, tossing, turning in your sleep, even if you run away, you still see them in your dreams”

“it's so dark tonight, it looks nice, fall asleep, it's alright, come inside, and talk to me”

smoke signals by cavetown

i know i’m a freak, ripped the band-aid, broke the peace, took the lock but lost the key”

“guess i set you free, i hope you found a place to sleep, i know you're bound to think of me”

“you can come home to me when you're ready, i left the gate unlocked for you, til then i’m sending out smoke signals, hoping i’ll see yours too”

also, the ending is just repeating the line “i miss you” seven times as it fades out

the village by wrabel

this song is technically about the transmasc experience in a conservative area but i think some of the messages fit anderperry so well!!

learning from someone wiser that you don’t need to be ashamed of yourself, the hate you can get from your family for being queer, the fact that there is nothing wrong with you and your gender and your sexuality and your dreams, very dps coded

it also discusses the fact that oppression of young queer folks can often lead to suicide

lyrics:

no, your mom don't get it, and your dad don't get it, uncle john don't get it. and you can't tell grandma, cause her heart can't take it, and she might not make it. they say don’t dare, don’t you even go there”

“feel the rumors follow you from monday all the way to friday dinner, you’ve got one day of shelter then it's sunday hell to pay, you young lost sinner”

“well i’ve been there, sitting in that same chair, whispering that same prayer half a million times. it’s a lie though, buried in disciples, one page of the bible isn't worth a life”

these are just the first few songs that come to mind for anderperry, but i’m sure there’s more!! anyways rip neil you slayed 😔

9 notes · View notes

spidergrotto · 6 months

Text

i can’t tell if i’m supposed to be doing something, becoming someone right now or if i’m over-doing it and need to let myself rest, let my mind sit in silence.

i can’t find the difference between rotting and letting myself rest, i feel like i’m sitting getting lost in my daydreams in hopes of avoiding something.

do i know what i’m avoiding? no, maybe it’s the anxiety— usually it’s the thought that i’m not doing enough, achieving enough, sometimes it’s the constant feeling of worthlessness, or that tiny little thought in my mind telling me to just end it and get this over with; is all this hurt really worth the potential happiness of the future? i don’t know.

i don’t know what’s wrong with me, i don’t know if i’m stopping myself from achieving anything or if i need to let myself rest and just exist. i don’t know if this is depression or if it’s something else.

the word depression has always felt disgusting, i don’t know why— i hate labeling myself with it, im not depressed, i’ve just been sad and tired for a really long time and rationally i know that i am depressed but it feels wrong to say, because what do i have to be depressed about?

or maybe im just not remembering the moments where i felt happy? maybe the hurt is making things unclear, or maybe im tricking myself into believing that life is more than just this.

i don’t know what’s going on, i know i don’t want to die, not like i used to. but i also am accurately aware that it’s easier to let it happen all the same. has the idea of suicide become my biggest version of avoidance? “whatever i’ll be dead by then either way.” i don’t want that, so why is it the default? why can’t i change the way it goes.

i woke up at three pm today willingly, it’s eight pm and i’m holding myself back from getting back under the covers because holy shit get it together. but is that me trying not to rot or is it self destructive? how am i supposed to navigate this? i don’t know, i’m trying and i know that it’s not enough, either i end it or i try harder and figure something out, figure out how to be better, but can i even do that?

i don’t even know why i’m posting this because it’s sooo silly and i doubt it’ll fix anything but i don’t know !

peter parker core lol

#sorry for the rant #im just really struggling and it feels like my entire life has just been this feeling of exhaustion #but i’m still here #and i don’t know what to do with that!#rant post #rambles #personal vent #tw vent #meaning #idk lmao

7 notes · View notes

mormonforgetmenot · 5 months

Text

silly vent post because im sad lol

i just kinda feel so alone. like i never really belong anywhere. sure i have people and groups but i cant really be honest with them. the queer people i know dont like mormons so i just keep it hidden from them and mormons dont like queer people so i keep that hidden from them. and i just sit there feeling awkward when one of these groups talks bad about the others. if i step away from both groups im happy with the way i am but when im around one or the other im just stuck with this awful feeling of not really belonging and sometimes even going into a panic thinking they'll hate me if they knew i was one of the people they are so against. and i cant even talk about it. i have a lil group of super close friends like family they know im queer we're all queer and they also know im mormon. they should be the people i can talk about anything with but whenever i wanna talk or rant or vent or whatever i feel like i cant because i dont want to make them uncomfortable or something. hurray? there was also so much loneliness for the longest time. until i randomly stumbled across queerstake tumblr on accident about a year ago i thought i was the only one like this. i hadnt met a single person who was like me. people were always one or the other. and queer people ive talked to who are mormons were always planning to leave the church as soon as they could. and then theres me who is queer but wants to stay because I Like It Here. like sure i knew theres no way im the only one like me and there are absolutely other queer mormons who stick around but until this i was just kinda left with no one. stumbling across queerstake was one of the best things that has happened to me because the day i found it and spent almost a whole day just scrolling through the tag amazed that there are Actually other people like me and it was amazing. and since then ive felt the most comfortable and happy with both of these identities than i ever had in my life. and by a lot. but even here i feel awkward posting because of anxiety and also i dont know you guys ahahahdjlskdjlfsajdf. but yeah. its like an entire thing. man im just rly tired

#tw vent #bro im not tagging anything besides this im embarrassed #bye lol

6 notes · View notes

raylazuko · 7 months

Text

Hi guys! I’m gonna make an intro post because I have decided to come back to this blog. My other account has some bad memories associated with an ex friend and I’d rather use this one. Anyway:

Hi, my name is Riah (pronounced like Mariah without the “Ma”) but you can also call me Yorke, Lex, or anything idrc as long as you’re nice. I’m non-binary and I think agender is the best label for me but I lean more masculine so please use they/he (it and xe are fine, idrc as long as it’s not she/her.) I’m also a sex-repulsed asexual and I think I’m panromantic (not really sure, I’ve only dated one person and it was a guy before I was out as enby.) please do NOT flirt with me or ask me about my ex unless I want to talk about it. I still have a lot of trauma from irl stuff over the last few years but I don’t take stuff out on people.

I am 21 years old and am diagnosed with autism and ADHD as well as anxiety and off and on depression due to all the other stuff. If you’re ableist or say I’m faking my autism/ADHD, I will block you! That’s not cool.

I like a lot of different music rock and indie (Radiohead, Björk, Coldplay, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Fiona Apple, etc) and I might post stuff here but this is mainly for other fandoms. I am a K-pop stan (mainly girl groups) and I sometimes post them. My main groups are BLACKPINK, Dreamcatcher, (G)-IDLE, Aespa, and IVE. I’m also obsessed with Taemin. I’m not against RPF on principal (as long as it doesn’t involve minors) and I’ve written some K-pop fics before. I don’t write smut because of me being ace. If I do crosspost or promote my AO3 here a lot of my fics are sad. But I mainly post fanfic of fictional stuff. I also don’t like people who are obsessive weird stans with K-pop, pop singers, rappers, it doesn’t matter who it is. Basically any celebrity if you stalk them or think you can marry them that’s weird! Fanfiction is FICTION and they are real people with lives. I see this stuff a lot in the K-pop community so I just wanted to put that as a disclaimer here I in no way support that behavior.

Im I’m a lot of fandoms but my main ones are Genshin, ATLA, Sonic, Mega Man, Legend of Zelda, Mario, Daria, MCU (mainly GOTG these days) Disney/Pixar, Spiderverse + animation in general. I used to be into Star Wars and Hunger Games but I’m more casual with it now. Im bad at watching shows because of my ADHD and need to finish stranger things and umbrella academy someday and then I’ll post them haha. I have a lot of dead fandoms from not finishing stuff. Also I used to be into Harry Potter but I’ve cut all ties with that because of JKR. I won’t hate you if you like HP stuff especially fan content but if you support JKR I’m gonna block you.

I don’t kin characters hardcore but there are definitely some that have more than one relatable aspect to me or I just love posting stuff about: Zuko, Katara, Blues, Zero, Mirabel, Shadow, Nimona, Rocket, Nebula, Vanellope, Gwen, Diluc, Scara—those are just some of my favorites and I’ll post a lot of spam about them lol. If you hate on me or others for having headcanons unless it’s like really really screwed up then don’t come on my page! I’m cool w all ships aside from p3d0 stuff (I personally don’t read 1ncest but it it’s fiction idrc. I will mention I’m in the Archie Sonic fandom to an extent and I ship Knuxulie who are distant cousins, but I don’t count is as 1ncest because everyone is technically related, it’s pretty distant, and Ken Penders is weird. It’s stuff like siblings, parent/child, first cousins, etc. that icks me out. I also don’t ship adopted siblings like Thor and Loki because that’s still incest so stop. robot masters are a gray area because there are so many Wilybots, there is a brief mention of Snake/Shadow in the fic, but all the main sibling ones I don’t ship together.) and people who say shit like “all reylos are toxic” don’t fly with me. I use this as an example because it’s what my ex used to do. Also taking things way too seriously about fiction like saying SU is the worst thing ever (I also want to mention my ex agreed with Lily Orchard and when I pointed out the rightful criticism she got for her lack of research, he said people only hate her because she is trans. He is a cis guy.) I also want to be clear that cishet guys who hate Korra as a character are on thin ice. I have weirdly specific boundaries because of my ex bf.

I hate people who gatekeep stuff in fandoms too unless you’re gatekeeping it from racist people or something. I also hate people who say “you’re not a real fan if you like/dislike a thing the fandom dislikes/likes”, people who harass writers or actors because they don’t like a show like be fr. So if I see that stuff on my page you’ll be blocked. Also saying stuff is non canon just because you don’t like it. The two biggest examples are the Star Wars sequel trilogy and BOTW/TOTK. People who say anyone who likes the sequel trilogy is a fake fan, and people who say that TOTK isn’t a real Zelda game just because they don’t like it. It’s annoying.

I know I mentioned I write fanfic and I’ll occasionally post art here. My instagram, AO3, and stuff is all in my Linktree which it’s not letting me copy link but I’ll post the url here.

linktr.ee/Riahlexuko

Also I wrote a Mega Man fanfic https://archiveofourown.org/works/50900716/chapters/128590468

Anyway I hope you guys have fun and enjoy the blog, I repost a lot of stuff but I’ll post OC sometimes. Anyway, bye for now!

#intro post #introduction #lgbtqia #nonbinary #autistic #adhd #atla #mega man #sonic the hedgehog #disney #loz totk #across the spiderverse #gotg #nimona #super mario #mcu #queer

5 notes · View notes