#obviously the finale was lacking a lot but fuck am i so happy and relieved that wilmon remained LmAO

[kisstheloststars]

wilhelm looking into the camera, looking so free. he did it.

#personal #young royals #obviously the finale was lacking a lot but fuck am i so happy and relieved that wilmon remained LmAO #also august? best boy. he needs therapy tho #prince wilhelm #i GUESS MY TAG FOR PRINCE WILHELM NO LONGER APPLIES LMAO

[aijee]

Life update 9/10

CW: COVID/illness, mental health

Hi, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?

First of all, welcome to all you lovely new followers. Full disclosure (and gentle reminder for anyone else following), I’ve sort of fallen off the writing mood for a while, so if you’re here for Seventeen, Meanie or fanfic content, it will be pretty rare, if that wasn’t evident already. But if you’re here to keep up with my life once in a while, I appreciate your time and attention. :)

Second, I still strongly believe that we’re in a pandemic. I’m still appalled at the lack of empathy, respect and protection towards immunocompromised, disabled, chronically ill, socioeconomically disadvantaged, marginalized people in a country (America for me) that would rather us go back to work and make money than ensure everyone is safe and can comfortably return to their daily lives without feeling like their life is actively threatened. I’ve felt a lot of disillusionment towards my workplace, country (of which I am now a citizen, ironically) and life goals lately, which has been difficult after so many years of aspiring to learn, live and work here.

Part of that disillusionment is having gotten COVID recently. Like many Asians, I grew up in a multigenerational household, and that habit of thinking about how my actions affect my elders is ingrained. I couldn’t bear to leave my apartment, but my workplace and institution insisted that I return to work after a really short isolation period—in my mind, prioritizing the work to be done over (1) my health and comfort, (2) how my coerced presence would affect others more vulnerable down the line. It was really hard going against my morals because I had to pay bills and eat. Still wearing masks and diligently sanitizing/washing hands until now, surrounded by people who don’t makes me feel like a fucking crazy person. Am I the only one who still cares? Am I the only one who still sees the COVID numbers? It’s honestly really jarring to feel so disconnected from the reality around you.

I was not in a good mental place, having COVID. Obviously being ill and in bed most of the time is not a good experience, but I also live alone. The pandemic has been and continues to be wrought with loneliness; I try my best to supplement that with video calls with friends and texting family. But to be ill and without close support where you live is downright scary and extremely melancholy. To be young and alone in a city full of people is so very sad.

For better and for worse, I finally got a doctor’s diagnosis for my mental health struggles and am starting on medication for the first time (which happened at the same time as getting COVID—imagine how that experience was, oof). It’s both scary and relieving to hear what I imagined was what I was dealing with for a while. 

This, alongside COVID, has been making me extremely tired almost all days. I use up all my energy to survive at work, keep up a face and do my job well. I use up all my energy talking to friends, being genuinely happy to see them and chatting the night away. But outside of that, I’m left with scraps to do things for myself beyond the bare minimum of eating, sleeping and cleaning. I’m trying not to judge myself for it. As my therapist keeps saying: “It just is, and that’s okay. You’re okay.” Many are in similar positions, just doing their best to get by day-to-day. But it doesn’t make me less of a person or less worth of existing.

Funny thing is that I fell of off Seventeen and GoSe, which I used to watch religiously back in the day, some time in the pandemic when things got rough and K-Pop just wasn’t the healthy comfort place it used to be. Since getting COVID, I spent so much of my sick days watching these silly boys doing silly things. It was a joy to reconnect with the joy they gave before and give me again. I didn’t intend to write about these difficult experiences of mine, but it felt appropriately full-circle to mention on this blog that SVT has been an indispensable, wonderful comfort for me lately. I missed them so much. I’m grateful for what they do because I don’t think I could’ve gotten through the last several weeks without them.

Maybe by writing this, it’ll help me remember: I’m doing my best. And that’s okay. I’m okay.

#aijeepost #a part of me dearly misses writing #that part of me revisits AO3 #rereads old writing #cringes a little #but still smiles at how much I still love what's there #that part me me rereads comments and misses those interactions so much #misses being able to write silly and angsty stories to help people escape #even for a moment #you did well past me #current me is doing their best #current me is glad you existed and did what you did back then #I wouldn't have these joys to revisit #if it wasn't for you

[obeiii-mee]

Heyo, this is my first time asking (im kinda new to tumblr, so please dont judge) if you would'nt mind, could you do some headcannons (or oneshots, it dosen't matter) with all the demon bros and a MC who is crippled/paralized in their legs, and has to use a wheelchair to get around? Thank you!!

——————————-

This is the first time I’ve written about a crippled MC, so I hope I didn’t fuck this up or anything. I found out that being paralysed in both legs is a disability called Paraplegia so that’s how I titled this post. And y’all are too sweet, you are more than welcome anon! I hope I can portray this properly because I am not crippled myself so I’ve opted to do some research before writing this! I hope you like it! Also, I feel inclined to add that none of the brothers would treat you too differently if you happen to have a disability because you’re their human nonetheless :)

——————————-

The Brothers with an MC that has Paraplegia and needs a wheelchair to get around:

Lucifer:

-Lucifer was in charge of choosing the final human, exchange student for the program so it’s guaranteed he already knew about your predicament before you even arrived

-Him and Diavolo probably had many meetings concerning your disability before the program could commence, considering that being unable to walk would double the chances of you getting killed since you are obviously more vulnerable

-Not to mention all the treatment you would require

-Lucifer is not well versed in human illnesses and disorders, but he makes sure that he is educated enough on the matter before you get brought down there

-It would not be easy, but he is determined to help you survive your year in DevilDom for the prince’s sake

-First problem of the day was, of course, your wheelchair

-Due to lack of time, Lucifer was unable to instal ramps around the House of Lamentation which meant that for the first couple of weeks, someone would’ve had to help you move around certain parts of the house

-He gave that highly prestigious job to himself because he didn’t trust his brothers and thought they would accidentally drop you and your wheelchair down the stairs

-He talks a lot to you, even at the beginning, because he needs to establish your needs and what he should do to make sure you don’t die for the following year

-You would have to tell him about physical therapy and how most commonly it uses heat, massage and exercise to stimulate your nerves and muscles, making it a great treatment for people with leg paralysis

-Once you two enter a more intimate and personal relationship, it’s more than likely he’ll help you perform those things himself (instead of kidnapping a human doctor from somewhere)

-Lucifer knows you have no problem getting around with your wheelchair by yourself but there are times where he’ll insist to push you along in order to give you a quick break

-I can totally imagine you two strolling around DevilDom and having cosy chats about RAD and your adjustments to DevilDom

-He has a softer side to him that he’s afraid to show most of the time, but he feels so at ease when you’re around, it’s hard for him to hold that part of him hidden from you

-Of course, your safety still remains his primary concern and he acts more like your guardian than Mammon does, even if he was originally supposed to look out for you

-He will accompany you almost anywhere. And if he can’t, he’ll have one or more of his brothers do it. And even then he’s probably lurking nearby, just in case

-He would always be willing to listen about your condition, if you wished to tell him whether you were born with the defect or why you ended up crippled later in life. Either way, he’s all ears

-If you would rather not speak about it, he wouldn’t pry and respect your decision because he knows it’s not his place to pressure you

-Because of your paralysis, it’s quite obvious to demons that you are even weaker (physically speaking) than most humans and that usually puts a target on your back

-Howver, never fear, because Lucifer is pretty quick to put lower rank demons in their place with just a mere stare

-Oop one of them passed out from the fear, haha

-In conclusion, he’s the most responsible when it comes your comfort and safety during your stay

-He makes sure you are always left in good hands and and provides most of the requirements you need

-Y’all should see how his wings puff up when he senses a threat approaching you, he looks like a peacock ready to go on attack lol

Mammon:

-The second born is unsurprisingly a bit of a jerk at first

-He stays really grumpy the whole day of your arrival because he’s stuck babysitting you stupid human

-“Lucifer c’mon, what’s all this workload for? The human can’t even walk by themselves, why do I have to help them out?”

-Wtf Mammon you can’t say shit like that

-Anyways, the following very few days, the only thing he’s thinking about is how much money he could sell your wheelchair for

-He’s the literal incarnation of greed, what else did you expect from him?

-After a while, he starts feeling a bit guilty every time he thinks about it though

-Mammon is gonna take this secret to the grave (laughs in immortal) but he actually really likes pushing you around

-Maybe it’s because it’s a clear indication to everyone around him that you are HIS human, under HIS protection and therefore you trust HIM the most since he was your FIRST MAN

-He will insist on helping you get out of that thing when you need to go to bed and stuff every night and he will get pouty real fast if you let any of his other brothers do it

-You wake up to him trying to roll around in your wheelchair one night at like 3am

-At some point, he stole a wheelchair from the human realm to match with his human. You can guess the consequences of his actions

-I can imagine you having to face a staircase or something at school and Mammon being like:

-“Fuck it, imma carry this fragile human instead; wheelchair and all!”

-Like you were a sack of potatoes or something smh

-Cue his brothers watching him from a distance as he heaves you and basically weight-lifts you up the stairs

-Ok but every now and again, he gets so sad thinking about you not being able to walk, like he starts crying kinda sad

-While you stand there like 😐 “Why are you crying?”

-He’s so quick to help if he senses you’re in danger too

-It’s canon that Mammon is crazy fast if he wants to be so if he has even the slightest impression that your life is threatened, his feet are already moving

-He will charge at your immediate threat at around 120 miles per hour-do not try him when he’s mad

-“The Great Mammon saved the day! C’mon MC, let’s go buy some ice cream. My treat! Ya better be grateful!”

-He says while the demon that tried to eat you lies on the floor with about a dozen broken bones

-Mammon is the second most powerful demon out of all of his brothers, even if he doesn’t resort to violence often

Levi:

-He didn’t really know how to react when you first teleported to DevilDom

-I mean, from the very beginning he considered you to be a human normie but at the same time, he felt bad you were stuck with his brothers for the rest of the year

-I think he would understand you would have an even harder time integrating yourself in their house because of your disability and he knows his siblings are really fucking annoying, always pushing you around and whatnot

-So, he kinda lets you hide in his room quite often

-You guys chill out in there all the time, much to the dismay of the other brothers who also want to spend time with you

-At some point, Levi definitely begged asked Lucifer to let you start online classes with him

-“But wouldn’t it be easier for MC to do online school from home rather than go to R.A.D since there aren’t any ramps or anything around there???”

-“The answer is no Leviathan.”

-“Ugh fine! What a fucking boomer-“

-For some reason, he gets so flustered whenever you ask him to push you around

-He blushes right to the tips of his ears and then he starts sputtering some nonsense that you can’t make out at all

-But he’s more than happy to do it, especially if you guys are going to a convention or if he’s dragging you out to buy new merch

-You two would get along in the sense that Levi realises the struggles you faced all your life were tough to overcome and he believes you are just like him

-Usually left out by other people, ignored even

-He knows you always listen to him ramble on about whatever he is currently obsessed with and how much you check up on him to make sure he never isolated himself

-He wants to do that for you too! Talk to him about your hobbies, please I’m begging you-he feels so bad whenever he’s doing all the talking

-If you ask him to help you with anything (getting something, helping you into bed—that sort of thing), he legally and physically can’t say ‘no’

-And he would get envious enough to stop talking to you for a day or two if you let his brothers do it instead (the second and third born are indeed similar lmao)

-S T A Y I N H I S R O O M, W H E R E Y O U C A N B E P R O T E C T E D !

-He will feel so much more at ease if you’re in his room because to him, that’s his haven

-If you’re in there with him, that means you’re not getting involved in his siblings’ endless and dangerous shenanigans

-Whenever you’re at school, he can’t help but worry about your well-being

-Because you’re human! You’re gonna get killed!! Do you know how much your organs sell on the black market in DevilDom??? 100x more than in the human realm, that’s for sure

-Would they have a black market or would it be a regular market lol

-For some reason, he also likes staying in your wheelchair when you’re not using it

-I think he just takes comfort in knowing it’s something that belongs to you and smells like you and-

-OK Levi, sit back down

-He wouldn’t treat you any differently if you had a disability tbh, but he’d be more concerned because you can’t even run away or anything

-So he’s so fuckin’ relieved when you guys are just vibing in his room

-He could die happy knowing he kept his best friend/ partner safe

Satan:

-Satan would be even more prepared for your arrival than Lucifer would, in a sense

-Out of all of his brothers, he’s most likely to understand and recognise paraplegia (either from studying human illnesses/birth defects/disabilities or from encountering humans with said disability)

-He’s a smart boy, alright?

-Always seems to be the first to notice if you need help or if someone’s bothering you

-Though in the very beginning, he was pretty tempted to just let you get killed to see how angry Lucifer could get

-Seeing dear Luci’s misery brings him great joy 🥰🥰🥰

-Once you two manage to build a very honest and strong relationship, he feels more and more inclined to keep you out of harm’s way

-Pls, he would feel so honoured if you let him push you around (it’s like you asked him to h*ld h*nds or something)

-If you require treatment of any kind, he would be so happy to help

-But in a subtle way...?

-Satan makes it seem so smooth too like he doesn’t mind lending a helping hand when in reality he’s all giddy inside

-*Kinda wants to rub it in his brothers’ faces but at the same no, because he’s definitely the bigger person here

-He wants to know how your wheelchair works

-It’s got all of these neat mechanisms and he wants to learn how they’re constructed because he never had the chance to inspect one before

-He’s such a sweetheart about asking you as well and never pries about your disability unless you start elaborating yourself

-Most of the time, he acts all charming and very gentleman-like

-So people have a hard time spotting and acknowledging the building rage inside of him every time he sees you are threatened by some moronic low rank demon

-Satan’s usually chill when it comes to injuries, unless he can see you’re in horrible pain

-There’s nothing a few spells can’t accomplish

-But when others purposefully try harming you?

-It’s like he loses all the self control he’s been trying to perfect over the centuries and he can’t help himself from at least breaking someone’s rib cage

-Satan’s a weird one because he’s protective of you even though he’s more on the relaxed side when compared to his siblings

-He very much acknowledges that you made it this far in life with your predicament so he doesn’t feel the need to baby you or anything

-You’re strong and he knows this

-It’s one of the many things he clearly loves about you

-That one time you rolled over Mammon’s foot with your wheelchair on purpose, he was wheezing

Asmo:

-Even now, he can’t help but wonder what it would be like to be stuck inside a wheelchair for the rest of his eternal life

-I mean, he’d obviously still be absolutely fabulous, have you seen him? He’s gonna be gorgeous either way

-But after the two of you meet, he definitely starts thinking about how he takes his feet for granted all the time

-It would be so difficult to complete his daily tasks without the ability to walk or run around

-That’s why he gets sad every time he remembers that’s your reality and on days like that, you’ve noticed he gives you a helluva lot more attention than usual

-He knows you don’t need pity or anything so he’s just making sure his human has all the support they can get

-Paraplegia or not, shopping trips are still a go-go

-He loves buying you clothes! And he loves helping you try them on! Asmo takes it very seriously

-Might have a go at the employees if they’re being rude to you

-You don’t even ask him to, but he subconsciously starts pushing you around himself whenever the two of you are out together

-“MC! Look at that new shop that’s just opened! Isn’t it adorable? We have to check it out!”

-He can’t help it! There’s so many places he wants to visit, he sort of just drags you with him wherever he goes

-Even at home, he always pops out of nowhere to coax you into coming to his room

-Y’all have so many skin routines to do each day

-Like he’s in your room most nights to greet you goodnight and tuck you in, with the rest of his brothers it gets so awkward at times

-Asmo just wants to see you smile, ok? He thinks you have a beautiful smile and laugh and he wants to remind you that you’re marvellous, disability or not

-And if anyone does anything to put an end to your self confidence, he will swiftly put an end to their life

-Please, he’s a pro at ruining lives, he’s been doing it for centuries

-Asmo has such a huge influence over the people in DevilDom, he just needs to make this one post on Devilgram to end said demon’s whole career

-I mean, who is he compared to him, Hmm? So don’t worry MC, scum like that don’t even deserve to breathe the same air as you :)

-That one time Mammon tried lifting you up the stairs and Asmo started shrieking, like put them down! Don’t manhandle them like that, poor human :(

Beel:

-I know I sound repetitive, but he would be an overall sweetheart to you no matter the circumstances

-If Mammon is not by your side, then Beel definitely is

-His big, scary aura and figure usually scares off any threat in a 10 mile radius

-Most demons don’t fancy being eaten by the Avatar of Gluttony, ya know?

-Idk why but I feel like he’d be the type to ask for oral consent every time he wanted to push you around

-He doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable :(

-Surprisingly also the type to lift you and your wheelchair whenever an obstacle gets in your way

-You basically weigh the same amount as a paper plate compared to him, so he has no problem doing so

-He doesn’t really understand your condition as well as Satan may do, but he’s trying his best

-You mean so much to him and he feels it’s only fair he learns more about your disability as a thank you for what you’ve done for him

-He has a rough time keeping up with you when it comes to stuff like physical therapy because he’s very unfamiliar with it but that doesn’t mean he’s not gonna help

-Of course, Beel believes that this is the second best way to show you how much he cares for you besides the obvious ‘I love you’

-Giving you a hand whenever you need his support the most

-That’s his way of saying “I’m not going to let you down. I want you to trust me, the same way I trust you.”

-And knowing him, he will try to do everything in his power to keep you safe and sound

-After a while, you’re bound to notice he’s the first one to pull you out of his brothers’ pranks before you have a chance to get hurt

-Beel is always the one handing you stuff from high places you can’t reach, without teasing you for it like Mammon might do

-Always the first one to remind you to get plenty of rest and to eat enough

-He wants to protect you and his brothers because he knows he failed to do so with Lilith so yeah, he’s a bit overprotective at times

-He doesn’t mean to be overbearing, but he gets so anxious knowing you’re by yourself

-After a few months of getting accommodated with him, your disability is no longer brought up in the conversation

-Because he doesn’t care that you are crippled and forced to use a wheelchair

-You are part of his family and he loves you no matter what

Belphie:

-He didn’t really care, even when you first met and his hatred for humans was at its very peak

-It didn’t matter that you had a disability

-All that mattered to him at the time was killing you to satisfy that deeply rooted need of vengeance inside of him

-Though he was sort of surprised his brothers didn’t get to you first

-In general, he’s pretty chill about you being crippled in both legs

-It takes too much effort to worry about your well-being 24/7 after all

-Surprisingly, he does keep an eye out for you if his siblings aren’t nearby

-It’s his redemption arc people, he’s trying to be nicer

-But he has such an irritating way of showing his affection for you

-Do not let him push you around

-He’s either going to a) fall asleep after 30 seconds and slump over you in the middle of RAD’s halls

-Or b) be annoying and fling your wheelchair in every direction possible just to piss you off

-He likes messing with you because you give him the best reactions and he thrives on that

-You’ve almost fallen off your wheelchair multiple times because of this asshole

-Not that he’d actually let you fall, he just wants to see how easily he can get you to yell at him

-Speaking of said wheelchair, like Mammon and Levi, he also loves using it when you’re not

-You’ve woken up to him curled up and asleep in that thing quiet often and he’s gotten in trouble over it every time with Lucifer

-But he doesn’t care

-And at this point, I don’t think even he knows whether he’s doing it to get a reaction out of you or because he somehow found a way to make himself comfortable there

-He would low key use you as a mode of transportation every time you go to RAD

-Just clings the damn wheelchair and almost topples both of you over

-“Belphie, there’s nothing stopping you from walking 😐”

-“Shh, just bring me to class and let me nap until then.”

-He doesn’t mention your legs but he still lays his head on your lap often

-Might make you hold him like a bride every time you stroll around the house

-It’s done out of love, I promise 😌😌

———————————

Al~

#obey me #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me imagines #obey me leviathan #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #om #obey me headcanons #obey me hcs #paraplegia #⭐️ requests #🕯 general #☂️ demon brothers

[hermannsthumb]

hey I’m not sure if you’re taking prompt requests but I just had this idea if you ever want to write it. I know it’s not anywhere near New Years right now but I had an idea for if there was a little NYE party with all the ppdc staff there. All the homies are just vibing, getting crunk on shitty alchohol or whatever and y’know Newt and Hermann have a lil New Year’s Eve kiss 🥺

That’s all I have to say I hope you’re having a good day!

@owengrose said: Prompt: "My New Year's resolution is to finally tell him I love him."

happy new year’s eve to both of you!!! i let the first one sit in my ask box for a while before getting to it lol. my annual Newmann NYE fic. here’s to hoping next year is moderately better (and I actually get more writing done...)

-------

“Here we are, then,” Hermann says.

He hands Newt a glass of something he concocted at the lab kitchenette—judging by the color, and the pitiful wedge of a clementine garnish he squeezed onto the brim, some sort of gin and tonic, though less tonic and more watermelon La Croix. It was the only thing they could find in the breakroom fridge that would work remotely as a mixer. It’s probably been buried in there for months. “Thanks, dude,” Newt says. Then, noticing the lack of a similar glass in Hermann’s hand, asks “Not drinking?”

“None of that,” Hermann says. “I’ve got a bottle of decent wine buried somewhere under all the rubbish in my desk. I’ll have that if I want any before we go.”

“Suit yourself,” Newt says. “It’ll be more fun if we show up tipsy, I’m telling you.”

New Year’s Eve used to be a lot more exciting when Newt was in school, and young and invincible and all that shit. There were parties—bar crawls—the Times Square ball drop at midnight, queued up on someone’s laptop or a television screen wherever he was—drinking until he needed a classmate (or later colleague) to walk him home. The Shatterdome staff still goes as hard as Newt used to, and God, Newt envies them for it, but the end of the world kinda killed it for him. He just kinda exists in a low, humming state of anxiety now. He and Hermann both. It’s good for them to get out of the lab every now and then and strive for normalcy, and Newt has a feeling Hermann knows it, which is probably why he didn’t put up a fight when Newt suggested they go to the big base party tonight.

Newt still needs a good few drinks in him before he can drink more and pretend to be merry. He finishes the gin and tonic with a wince. “Too much gin,” he says. “Okay, let’s go.”

Newt drinks, and he dances with a few people, and he engages in a few genuine non-work-related-conversations before he finally admits to himself he’d rather just chill with Hermann in one of the deserted corners of the room. Hermann is waiting for him in a stupid gold party hat with a cup of water—what a guy. Always there for Newt. The hat is a cute look on him, too. Newt wonders if he picked it out himself, or if it was forced on him; either scenario is cute.

“I just don’t fancy dealing with your hangover tomorrow,” Hermann says with a sniff, as Newt swallows the water down gratefully after a few thanks. “Last year—”

“Yeah, okay,” Newt says. Last year was bad. He ended up falling asleep on the floor of the lab, and when Hermann made him coffee the next morning, he puked it up all over a very important stack of Hermann’s paperwork and the subsequent shouting match just made his headache worse. Drinking water is good, very good. He kicks his feet up on a nearby vacant chair. The music is loud, and people look like they’re having fun. Normalcy. He and Hermann are just two normal dudes right now, who aren’t fighting monsters from another dimension. “Can you believe we’ve survived another year?”

“Frankly, no,” Hermann admits.

“One whole year,” Newt says. “One whole year of not being squashed by a kaiju, or eaten by a kaiju, or murdered by you…”

Hermann snorts derisively, though a bit of a genuine smile does peek through. “One whole year of you not blowing the laboratory up. That is a feat, isn’t it?”

“You fucking bet it is,” Newt says. He really thought Hermann was going to kill him over the puking incident, and only a day into the new year too. He slings an arm around Hermann’s shoulders. Two normal dudes, and friends at that. He really likes Hermann, y’know, but that might just be the gin and watermelon La Croix talking. “You got any resolutions, dude?”

“Er,” Hermann says.

“I want to try to get into yoga,” Newt says. “For exercise, and shit. We should do it together.” Back when the base enjoyed more funding and workers, Newt was always seeing flyers for weekly yoga classes taped up in the elevator and at the announcement board in the mess; once, he got it so into his mind that he was going to start going that he bought three whole pairs of yoga pants. He never got around to it, of course. The classes kinda fizzled out when the PPDC budget was slashed drastically anyway. Hopefully YouTube videos work just as well, and that the pants still fit him...

“If I’m being honest, Newton,” Hermann says, and Newt spies the tips of his ears turning pink, how cute, “I still haven’t quite managed to accomplish last year’s resolution. Or technically this year’s, I suppose. My—well—my nerves failed me every time I thought I was close.”

"Eh, no big deal,” Newt says. “I never did mine either. I think that’s just as much of a tradition.” He went vegan for all of two weeks before realizing most of the rationing-standard food they served in the mess wasn’t exactly catered to those particular dietary needs. Also, Newt likes fancy lattes too much, and oatmilk just wasn’t kicking it for him. “I totally am gonna do the yoga one though. I need a stress reliever. I don’t wanna go bald before we’re even killed by kaiju, you know?” He crosses his legs. “Or go grey. I can’t decide which is worse. What was yours?”

“Nothing important,” Hermann says quickly. He takes a clumsy sip of his own cup of water, and spills a bit of it down his sweater. Newt decides not to mention. “It must be nearly midnight. Don’t you want to run off to find someone to snog?”

“Nah, not this year, I don’t think,” Newt says. Last year (before the whole blacking out and ruining the paperwork thing), he made out with a ranger he had a crush on for, like, months, and the guy never even called him back. And Newt slipped his official PPDC email into his pocket too. So totally rude. He reaches out and plucks the elastic string holding Hermann’s hat on, and is delighted when Hermann scowls. “You’re stuck with me. Why don’t you find someone to kiss?”

Hermann opens his mouth, and then shuts it. The blush is spreading down from his ears. “I am staying right here, thank you, and I am not kissing anyone.”

“Suit yourself,” Newt says.

“Five minutes to go!” someone in the crowd shouts.

Newt locates a party hat of his own on a nearby table and pulls it on. It’s silver, unlike Hermann’s. He doesn’t think it looks nearly as cute as Hermann’s. “What was your resolution?” he finally asks. The burning curiosity’s too much for him. What did Hermann mean by nerves? Hermann’s never afraid to speak his mind around Newt, at least—Newt can’t remember the last time he’s held back anything. This must be a pretty big thing. 

“Oh, it hardly matters now,” Hermann says. “The year’s about to end, isn’t it? Better luck next go around, I suppose.”

“Were you going to request your own lab?” Newt says. That’s a big thing. And it’s a big thing he’d be hesitant to share with Newt, too. Not that Newt would be upset over having his own lab, obviously, sharing with Hermann totally sucks. It’s the worst.

“Mm. No,” Hermann says.

Newt feels a small twinge of relief, but only for a moment. “A different Shatterdome?” It’s the sort of thing Hermann’s always threatening—by Jove, Newton, if you don’t clean this mess up right now, I’m marching into the Marshal’s office, and I’m going to demand...

“Oh, it’s hardly that dramatic,” Hermann says. He plucks at the elastic of his hat this time. “It’s one minute until midnight.”

“Just tell me!” Newt says. Their fellow partygoers start counting down around them. “You’re killing me. I just wanna—”

“Ten—”

“It’s not important,” Hermann says.

“It is to me,” Newt says.

“It’s really not,” Hermann says.

“Tell me, tell me, tell me—”

“Fine,” Hermann says.

He grips the front of Newt’s shirt. Newt shuts up immediately. “I’m in love with you,” Hermann growls, “you wretched little man. That was my bloody resolution.”

“Oh, shit,” Newt squeaks.

Someone pops a bottle of champagne to loud cheers; confetti is suddenly raining down on Newt and Hermann. They totally missed midnight. “Oh, shit,” Newt repeats, and then, because Hermann looks utterly mortified and like he wants to book it out of there as fast as he can, thinks fuck it. He leans forward and kisses Hermann.

“Newton,” Hermann gasps, half in shock, half in delight, and returns it enthusiastically.

#newmann #maria's fanfiction tag #Anonymous #last fic of 2020!!!! #alcohol cw /// #emeto cw/// #(brief ref)

[thanatophobia-thoughts]

Moving on from Routine, let’s look at Emotional Self-Care. This is Self-Care that you use to improve your emotional stability. This is what Emotional Self-Care can take the form of (though I do not use all of these; I will talk more about the ones I use):

Comfort Food

Taking a “mental health day”

Napping and/or Sleeping In

Binge-Watching Comfort Shows/Reading a Comfort Book/Listening to a Comfort Podcast/Comfort Music/Comfort Video Games/Etc.

Long Baths

Venting

Reflecting on the Good

Meditation

Taking a Walk Outside or Hitting a Treadmill

Turning away from Social Media

Lighting a scented candle

Giving Gifts

Crying/Screaming/Emotional Outburst

Breaking Breakables

Playing with and/or Petting a Pet or Animal

Telling Other People You Don’t Want To Interact With Them (Right Now)/Boundary Setting

Taking care of Plants

Journaling

Cleaning

Treating Yourself (non-food)

Every time I googled “emotional self-care”, I got some things like “set boundaries”, “learn to say no”, and “create a support system” – all of which are very good things, but they don’t really fit the quick regulation criteria that I’m going for here.

So, which of these do I personally use? Comfort Food, Mental Health Days, Sleeping In, Comfort Media, Venting, Reflecting on the Good, Meditation, Hitting a Treadmill, Scented Candle, Giving Gifts, Crying, Animals, Boundary Setting, Cleaning, and Treating Myself.

I’d take care of plants but right now I don’t have a good space for plants.

I’ll look at comfort food last, because I have a list of food.

Mental Health Days, I usually try to schedule ahead of time, around days or times I know are going to be hectic. I know that after a convention, for example, I need “cooldown days”, so usually I will take the following Monday-Wednesday off from work to cooldown from the convention.

If I don’t know ahead of time, I do feel comfortable enough to call in sick, but I vastly prefer being able to plan it, simply because of who I am as a person. It is sometimes a necessity. Sometimes there is just too much going on, and I need to step away from everything. Usually on these days, I will sleep in, or sleep for most of the day, with the promise to go back to normal tomorrow – and that is how it should be.

These are tricks to put you back in line in caring for yourself! To get you back to normal!

Now, most weekends I do sleep in a little. I wake up every day at 6am, so on weekends, I will absolutely let myself sleep in to like, 9-11. It’s a good thing I have this blog on a schedule.

Binge-Consuming Comfort Media: I do not consider this the same as observing New Media, because often for me that is a Personal Self Care, and not necessarily Emotional Self Care. It can be, but more often than not, it gets my thinking fired up and engages me in a wholly different fashion. For example, I consider playing Final Fantasy XII to be a “comfort game”, but I will not consider playing Elden Ring for the first time to be “comfort”, so much as Personal, because the former I have already done, while the latter is something new and is creating new experiences for me. One regulates my emotions, the other does not do so in a foreseeable fashion. In new games, I do not know the experiences I will have, whereas with old games, I can predict them.

I will usually use Binge-Consuming Media in downtime that I have nothing else to fill, but do not have the energy to try something new right then (usually with the promise that I will return to new things in the near future, usually the following day when this happens on a weekend, or the next weekend if this happens on Sunday). Binge-Consuming Media also tends to occur normally on Weekday Evenings, as I tend to lack any desire for new media after work. It thus helps me to stay in a calm mood throughout the night, and prepares me for the next day of work by maintaining mood, rather than changing it.

Venting has to be done with care; I have friends I can vent to, but the vast majority of them only end up aggravating me more when I vent to them. Venting is something I tend to reserve for after I’ve figured out what I’m going to do, and I just need someone else to know my pain, because very rarely are people actually able to give me decent advice. Yet, venting is still useful because it lets me finally express it, and lets other people into my life, which is healing, and allows me to move forward without feeling like I’m keeping a secret.

Akin to that, reflecting on the good is a bit more of a solitary action, but it’s useful to remember that a “bad day” isn’t a bad life. To think of the people who love me, to think of the good things that did happen, even amidst the bad, and to remember there are more good things to come. After a particularly bad day at work, remembering good things, good phone calls with customers, and just good people, is always helpful, and can prepare me to continue through the rest of the day.

Meditation is something I try to do every day, and I do feel that it helps me focus on the moment, as well as helps me work through my thoughts when I’m not meditating.

Back when gyms were safe, hitting the treadmill was great for days I just couldn’t fucking convince myself to do my weight training. It still got me in the gym, it still got me exercising, and it helped me beat out the anger while listening to a podcast or music. I felt like I could breathe. I miss this, a lot, and I look forward to being able to return to this, or getting the “Just Dance” games for my home so I can do a similar thing, without going to the gym. I was then usually able to resume weight lifting the next day – and it kept me from breaking my streak of going to the gym, back in the day.

Aromatherapy is just a thing. I enjoy it, it helps me, and I love candles, haha.

Giving Gifts is also something I like to do. Making other people happy, makes me happy, and this is often a surefire way to do that. It can be as simple as a bit of chocolate, it doesn’t have to be anything extravagant. Of course, I have to make sure I am financial stable enough to do that.

Crying – when I need to. Sometimes I will have to kind of force it, by putting on a movie I know will make me cry, because just bursting into tears from stress without additional stimuli can be hard, but once it’s done, it is so relieving, and it allows my brain to start to function again without feeling as much in a daze.

It’s true I do have pets, and they’re kind of around me everyday, so this is more of a routine one – the animals are a constant source of comfort, but if you don’t have pets, visiting a pet store may be beneficial to give their animals a bit of affection, or going to an animal shelter. Or perhaps watching cute animal videos if those aren’t options.

Boundary Setting is also important. While sometimes, it can be good to help others when you’re going through a thing – I find it helpful sometimes – at other times it is just too much. Being clear on that, and also giving your friend some idea of when to “check in”, is good. It also lets your friend know a bit of a time period, so they know it isn’t a permanent block on conversing. Being open and clear about your situation can only do you good when it comes to your friends – and checking in with them when you’re ready!

Cleaning is oddly enough something I do when I’m preparing for something that is Good. I feel like I must cleanse the area in preparation of the New Good Thing. I will do this when I buy a new gaming console, or a long-awaited game, for instance. It makes things feel fresh and rejuvenated. It lets me walk into the New Thing as if it is a New Thing, and it starts it off on good footing. Some of the anxiety and anticipation of it, is quelled.

Treating Myself, when it’s non-food items, is usually things like clothing for me, or new PJs lately. I will also invest in books I plan to read, one day, eventually, cute Star Wars things, shows and/or movies to watch that are new, or things that generally speaking bring joy into my life. Sometimes emotional regulation, is also about reward. If you’re doing good in your life, you absolutely SHOULD be rewarded for it! Otherwise, why bother with balance and moderation? Why not live a hedonistic lifestyle? That would be far more pleasant if balance and moderation don’t have rewards. Not all emotional regulation is just to stop being sad, it’s also to be vindicated and celebrate good events. Celebrating IS regulating, when it calls for it, obviously. So I’m not encouraging here spending your money on whims because you are sad, but spending it more when you’re happy, and doing good.

And then we get to Comfort Foods. What do I use for comfort foods?

Chipotle Gouda Pasta Salad

Lime-Chipotle Pasta Salad

“Chicken” Fried Steak (Scare quotes because I’m a vegetarian so it’s fake meat)

“Tuna” Salad

Cheesecake, particularly raspberry white chocolate, or turtle.

Ice cream, particularly from Cold Stone, but usually either Rocky Road or Raspberry with Chocolate Chunks. There’s also Love Potion #9 which I have to drive a significant distance for….

Extra Lattes (note the extra – I already have these planned in with my meal plans).

Hot Chocoalte

Potatoes O’Brien and Gravy

The idea behind Comfort Food: Eating tasty food often restores a mood, or at least puts us in a better mindset. They aren’t always the healthiest things, though they aren’t necessarily unhealthy. They have to be done in moderation, as you see I indicate with lattes it’s “extra” lattes that go on the comfort food side. I usually have two decaf lattes a week, one on Wednesday, and one on Friday.

Comfort Foods are for a “limited time”. An extra latte means I don’t get one the following day, or I don’t get one every single day of the week. I take the comfort it offers when it’s needed, and resume my usual drinking habits.

Things like Pasta Salad are for weeks when I need a bit of help, or when I’ve done good, because they’re multiple serving things. So like, my birthday week, eating a pasta is good. Or a week where everything went to hell, and I can’t focus on making something “new” and I just need to eat – but then it’s right back to normality after that week. This is not have pasta for an entire month, this is a way to set intentions, and work on orienting myself back to normal with food I love, and food I can make with my eyes closed.

Single-serving things, like cheesecake or hot chocolate, are usually Reward self-care. Like fuck yeah, I did great, I should give myself a little treat. It encourages my good behavior, and does not become an indulgence. It also ends up “planned”, and so the rest of the meals work around that indulgence so I don’t go overboard with it, either.

Knowing what foods, and what I use them for, helps me to use them when they will be most beneficial for me. Things like “extra lattes” also makes me think: Do I really want to do this now, or wait until the day I’m going to have it? Is there a reason I need it now? What will I do after I have it? How does this impact everything else in the balance?

So these are kind of the “quick trick” emotional self-care tools I use. Obviously, you should try to have a steady way of regulating your emotions, but shit happens. Cars break down, work days suck, friends are angry, people die…we need to have tools to get “back to normal”, or close enough to normal.

And you should also, absolutely, take time to treat yourself in self-care! If you don’t reward yourself, what’s the point in being “balanced”, and not just living a hedonistic lifestyle? That’s why comfort food as rewards is a thing! It’s why you can use these as rewards, if it helps, for doing good!

These are just what I do, and what I suggest. These are ideas to get you thinking about what you could put on a list, and how that could help you. If these same ideas work for you, great! If not, you just have to feel out yourself to determine what will help you! Brainstorm with your loved ones!

#self care #self-care #emotional self care #emotional self-care #self-care list #death anxiety help #death anxiety #existentialism help #existentialism #self-care ideas #self care ideas #self care list #emotional regulation #emotions

[chibsytelford]

A Broken Heart

*** GIF CREDIT TO OWNER ***

Anonymous asked -  Hii, could you please break my heart? Jokes aside, angsty imagines about Chibs are seriously lacking, so it would be super cool if you wrote one. Maybe with the help of the prompts "41. “If you care about me you won’t do this.” "8. “This is a lot harder than it looks, I don’t think you realize that.” "23. “What you’re feeling right now is regret.”. I love your work btw! 

Authors Note - Thanks to whoever the Anon was that requested this - this was something completely different for me to write about, especially with Chibs - as my other fics are more funny and fluffy. So seriously, thankyou so much for requesting this - i really enjoyed going out of my comfort zone and writing some really angsty and heartbreaking stuff for Chibs. I hope you enjoy this and it’s what you were looking for!

Warnings - swearing, angst, heartbreak, pregnancy.

Taglist - @agirllovespasta​ @everyhowlmarksthedead​ @naytraydr​ @rebel-without-cause-x​ @whyisgmora​ @jadesamhart​ @talicat713​ @fangirlingaesthetics​ - if you would like added to my taglist just send me a message :)

You always thought when you met the love of your life, it would be a magical meeting. You had dreamed of being stranded at the side of the road, and your knight in shining armour would come and save you and you'd live happily ever after. That's not how you met Chibs. You met him through your mutual friend Unser. You met Unser when you reported your car stolen at the Charming Police Station 5 years ago. You hadn't set foot in a Police Station before and Unser was a kind older policeman who helped you to fill out a stolen vehicle report. Ever since then if you had any problems Wayne Unser was there to help you. He was like the father you always wanted. He introduced you to the Sons 4 years ago. You needed some work done on your new car and he took you to Teller Morrow to get it fixed. And that's when you met Chibs. You hit it off with him straight away and you've been dating ever since.

It was your 4 year anniversary with Chibs today, so you decided to make him lunch and take it to the clubhouse to surprise him. You made him his favourite cheese, pickle and beef sandwiches, with some shortbread and some coffee in a flask. Nothing special, but his favourite. He had been a bit more quieter than usual around you, and he sometimes didn't even come home anymore, or when he did he was always up and out before you were awake. You put it down to club business worrying him, and didn't ask him about it.

You arrived at Teller Morrow to find it eerily quiet. The bikes were all there, but nobody was outside. You headed over to the door but stopped when you heard your boyfriend talking. You peeked through the window and saw him sitting on a stool at a table with Jax, Opie, Juice and Happy. He looked torn.

"A don't know what to do brother, a don't think a love her anymore" you heard him tell the men. "Am trying to stay away from her as much as a can, hell I've been staying here most nights".

"You need to tell Y/N Chibs" it was Jax who spoke. "You've been together 4 years, what happened?"

"A wish a knew, it's just not the same as it was 4 years ago, hell, it hasn't felt right for me for months now, that's all a know" Chibs took a gulp of his beer. "Am going out for a cigarette, and ti clear ma head".

You couldn't move from the door fast enough and your boyfriend came charging out, stopping in his tracks when he saw you standing there.

"Fuck Y/N, how long have ye been standing there?" He asked you as he tried to reach for you.

"Long enough to hear that you don't love me anymore" you answered as you took a step back. You tried so hard not to cry but the tears were threatening to burst out any second. "Why didn't you tell me? What's wrong with me? Why don't you love me anymore?" The tears finally came and you were sobbing uncontrollably. Your family abandoned you years ago. They told you that you brought them shame and they couldn't stand to look at you anymore. And now here was your boyfriend of 4 years breaking up with you, and leaving you, just like everybody else did.

"Am sorry lass, ave been meaning to tell ye, it's not you it's me, a just don't feel the same way about ye anymore" he explained.

"If you care about me, you won't do this" the heartbreak was evident in your voice. "Please Chibs, I love you, these past 4 years have been the best of my life, I had nothing before you, and you gave me everything and more" you were now shaking and the tears were still flowing down your cheeks. "This seems so easy for you!" You spat at him. "You're not even bothered are you?"

"This is a lot harder than it looks, I don't think you realize that" Chibs said. "A feel like a dick breaking up with ye like this, in the parking lot of ma work, in the parking lot where we first met, but a can't help how a feel".

"I just wish you had told me this much sooner, before I fell so deeply in love with you. I don't think I can live without you". All you wanted to do was reach out and kiss him, reach out and run your hands through his hair which he used to love you doing, reach out and trace his scars on his cheeks. But you knew that could and would never happen again. "I won't make this any harder for you, goodbye Chibs" and you walked away. You walked away from the man who owned your whole heart, and then ripped it out.

Chibs headed back into the clubhouse with a look on his face.

'What you're feeling right now is regret" Juice spoke this time as he stood up to give Chibs a hug "We heard everything man, are you OK?"

"Nah brother, a don't feel regret, a feel sad obviously, but most of all a feel relieved, hopefully we can both move on with our lives now" Chibs returned Juice's hug.

That was not how you planned to spend your 4 year anniversary.  You expected Chibs to be happy to see you, and you would sit and eat lunch together. But that didn't happen. And it would never happen again. The whole drive home you kept asking yourself what was wrong with you that everyone you met wanted rid of you. You wish you had the answers, so you could change, and make everyone love you.

***2 weeks later***

You had been throwing up for the past few weeks, every morning without fail. You were eating more, and craving all types of weird food. You knew you needed to go to the store and buy a pregnancy test.

The drive there consisted of you thinking about how you would tell Chibs. He was obviously the dad, but you didn't want to tell him for the fact he might take pity and take you back. You only wanted him back if he meant it, which you were sure he wouldn't. Grabbing 3 pregnancy tests to make sure, you headed to the checkout to buy them and headed home to find out.

Your timer went off and you inhaled deeply. You always visioned Chibs being here with you, waiting with you in the bathroom while the timer ticked down to 0. But you were alone, and you knew he wasn't coming back. With a big heave, you stood up and picked up all 3 pregnancy tests. 2 lines on each of them. You were definitely pregnant. You were so happy, you have always wanted a baby. A mini you. And you knew the baby would be well loved by you.

You decided to tell Chibs sooner rather than later. You were secretly hoping there was a part of him that would just pull you into his arms and tell you he loved you and everything would be OK. Heading to Teller Morrow you felt like you could throw up any second, and it wasn't the pregnancy causing it this time.

You found him at the bar sipping beer. He turned around when he heard the door open and was surprised to see you.

"What are ye dain here?" He walked over to you curiously.

"I have something to tell you Chibs. I'm pregnant". You watched his face go from confusion, to anger as he tried to process the words.

"Aye nice try, a knew you'd try something like this". You couldn't believe what you were hearing. The once kind and loving and gentle man was being so cold and hard to you. You didn't deserve this. You handed him the pregnancy tests.

"It's true Filip, I'm pregnant, I'm going to make a doctors appointment to find out how far along, do you want to come?" You asked him.

Just then a woman you had never seen before emerged from the door which leads to the dorm rooms. She came straight over to Chibs, turned him around and pressed her lips against his. He was still holding the pregnancy tests, but he wrapped his arms around the woman and deepened the kiss right in front of you.

"You're a fucking dick do you know that Filip, I've came here to tell you I'm having your fucking baby, and you say I'm lying about it, then you decide to play tonsil tennis with that whore!" You were more angry than sad this time. You knew if Chibs could treat you like this after 4 years together, you had dodged a bullet. You grabbed the pregnancy tests from him and headed to the door to finally leave the clubhouse forever. You turned back one more time and saw Chibs looking at you.

"Don't come looking for us. You had your chance to step up and tell me you wanted this baby as much as me, but instead you showed you don't want me or the baby. I hope you'll be happy with your new girlfriend" you said softly. You had no more anger to give and as much as you tried to hate Chibs, you couldn't bring yourself to. Your main focus now was the baby growing inside you.

#chibs telford imagine #filip telford imagine #chibs telford #sons of anarchy #sons of anarchy fanfic #samcro #filip telford

[romanapologist]

“Half Full” - Moceit Fic

Content/warnings: referenced past manipulation, alcohol, a lot of discussion of things the sides have done wrong, but none of them are intended as unsympathetic. they have done some b a d stuff but they’re learning and we love them all yknow?? (namely warnings for virgil being overprotective/lashing out, and me being on my bullshit anti-roceit agenda)

Notes: You all know I’m not a writer, but I had a thought about a?? Characterization for Janus?? Which as I reread this is kind of very OOC, but idk I just thought it was neat, and I do go crazy for moceit hurt/comfort.

Finding the moral side crying in the middle of the night was, all things considered, not too surprising. After all, Janus knew every time Patton lied about his happiness. However, he had suspected to find him with loud, messy sobs. With a tin of cookies almost finished. Not with a bottle of wine and a blank, tear-tracked face.

He didn’t even seem to notice Janus’ entrance until he cleared his throat.

“Oh,” Patton uttered, gaze flicking to the other side. His face didn’t gain any clarity of expression. He just started putting away the wine and finished off his glass, making moves to leave. “Sorry.”

Janus took a moment to hide his shock at the scene, and at Patton’s reaction to him. (What, had he thought the moral side would come running into his arms for comfort? He was being ridiculous.)

“Give that here, you imbecile,” Janus said, taking the bottle from Patton’s hands and pouring himself a glass. There was no bite behind his words, at least not in a meaningful way. He’d lost his edge. “So, you’re just up for fun, I assume?”

“Hm,” Patton failed to respond. “Are you going to stay up?”

“I’m sure I’ll be back to bed in a moment.”

“That sounds like a lie.”

“How out-of-character that would be for me,” Janus smiled.

Patton half-smiled back. “You wanna watch something?”

“What do you have in mind?”

“A documentary on Greek philosophers.”

Janus frowned at the dry film Patton pulled up. “You think you’ll enjoy this?”

“I think it’ll be boring as fuck,” he said, casually. Janus turned to him in mild shock, while he simply yawned. “But Logan wanted me to watch it. Maybe it’ll be more interesting with you.”

Janus nodded, careful to hide his smile behind his glass.

•••

The movie was, as Patton had so eloquently predicted, boring as fuck. Also, quite hazy by the end, due to all the wine. They had been quiet near the beginning, but by the end they were talking over everything in hushed whispers and even a laugh from Patton, every so often.

The next day, when Janus walked in on breakfast, he swore Patton’s smile changed. From a brittle, stiff form--forced in the tense atmosphere--to something more relaxed. Relieved.

“Oh, hiya, Janus! There’s a seat here if you wanna stay,” Patton patted the chair beside him.

Janus stayed.

•••

“...Janus is right.”

“Of course,” Virgil scoffed.

It was the first whole group discussion they’d had since the… wedding fiasco. And while Virgil didn’t seem surprised by Patton’s words, Janus most certainly was.

“Obviously, I am. I knew you would agree, Patton,” Janus lied.

Patton was too preoccupied to do anymore than hum at Janus’ statement, all concerned glances over at Roman. Ugh, Roman. Still all mopey after the last video, he was currently staring determinedly at the floor. Him and Patton should have let all of that go by now--the past was the past. Hadn’t they learnt about moving on?

“Are you sure, Patton?” Thomas asked. “I’ve always gone to this event before. And, I’ve always made it through--”

Patton shook his head. “You know there will be family members there who don’t respect you. And who choose not to learn. I know I’ve always been the one to say they deserve your love anyway, but… I don’t know if they do.”

All of the sides stood in shock for a moment. Janus schooled away a proud look. 

Logan was the first to speak, slowly nodding. “...Yes, well, Patton does bring up an interesting point. Thomas, you tend to give people the ‘benefit-of-the-doubt’, which can be a good thing, and has led to you improving relationships in the past. However, if the other people are actively refusing to learn, no progress can ever be made. And so the effort would be for naught.”

In no time flat, Thomas was coming to his big realization about not owing certain people certain things, yada yada yada, doing the outro, yada yada yada. Janus was about to sink out, with that new, odd, and decidedly wonderful vindication that he was right, when--

“Deceit, wait.”

Janus sighed, audibly, and made sure to put on his most sardonic smile. “Yes, Virgil?”

“What exactly do you think you’re doing?”

“You’ll have to be a little more specific, dear.”

“Don’t--” Virgil grit his teeth and huffed out a breath. “With Patton, I mean.”

“Hm. Really, Virgil, I wish I knew what you were referring to, but--”

“Oh, cut the bullshit!” He finally snapped. “I don’t know what you’ve been playing at with him, if you think you really like him, but you’re just gonna do to him what you did to Roman.” 

Janus cringed at that, though he tried not to. Virgil knew just how to get to him. “Well. Thank you for this conversation, Virgil. I’ll be considering it deeply,” he said sarcastically, before sinking out. Though, it wasn’t as much of a lie as he would have liked.

•••

“Janus? What are you doing?”

Patton had found him pacing around the living room. And he hadn’t even had enough time to mask his aggravated expression when the moral side entered.

“Dishes,” he replied sourly.

“Right,” Patton said. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“I’ve used that one enough to see through it.” He joked, smiling bittersweetly. It was such a sincere look he was giving, so ready to comfort. Janus wasn’t used to it. Whether the ‘it’ was sincerity or comfort he couldn’t say.

“It’s just--I don’t see why I should have to apologize to him,” Janus spat out.

Patton came over to the couch, motioning for Janus to join him. He did.

“Virgil?” Patton asked. Janus looked away. “...Ah. Roman.”

“He shouldn't have laughed at my name!”

“Yes,” Patton nodded slowly. “We've all done things we shouldn’t’ve.”

“...Are you implying something?”

Patton raised a brow. “Calling two sides evil for the price of one?”

“Oh, please,” Janus scoffed. “You’ve always thought Remus was evil.”

“...Yes. And I’m learning why that’s wrong,” he admitted.

That gave Janus a pause, but he quickly disregarded his surprise. “Well, I already reminded you, Roman started it.”

“No, he didn’t.” Patton looked away. He took a deep breath in, silent for a beat too long. “...I did. A long time ago.”

Janus narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I told him he was dishonorable to side with you. That treating you as more than a villain was evil.” Each word sounded like it pained him. Each a confession, although Janus had been witness to all of it. “It’s all always been my fault.” Tears silently began to fall down his cheeks. He blinked, as if to somehow subtly dispel them, but they only fell harder. 

And, oh.

Oh no.

Janus really didn’t want to do this next part.

It would be so easy to let Patton believe that. He could even comfort the side, tell him he was forgiven, help him through--all without revealing anything. 

Save himself. It was what he was built for.

“Patton… it wasn’t all your fault, per say.” Patton glanced up at him, confused, and it was his turn to look away. “I quite blatantly flattered Roman. I manipulated him, used him--whatever you want to call it. All because I wanted his favor in... that case.”

“Well, I already knew--”

“Except, it wasn’t just that case,” Janus rushed out before he could lose his nerve. “It started when I first revealed myself to Thomas, remember? Really, I just wanted to test the waters, at first. See what I could get away with, and who I could get away with it with.”

Patton had a blank look as he sorted through his memory. “ ‘Love the outfit, Roman,’” he finally quoted.

“...Indeed,” Janus sighed. “It became clear that Roman would be the easiest to get to. Which makes sense from his need-of-praise mixed with lack-of-praise. And he is the romantic side. And I just knew, one day it would be useful if he was…somewhat biased, so if…”

“If you and him were a little… friendly?” Patton finished, sadly. Disappointedly. 

Janus nodded. Then, quickly, he rushed to add, “I mean, nothing that bad! I didn’t kiss him. We were never dating. I just may have implied--”

Patton’s face changed from disappointed, then. To something else. Something worse.“Right. No. Of course,” Patton said. “Not that bad at all.”

That lie from Patton’s tongue ached in Janus’s chest for the rest of the day.

***

Remus wasn’t in their side of the mindscape when Janus returned to it. Which he didn’t make too much of, sulking around and rewatching Good Place episodes, until Remus skipped in covered in… blood? No. Much more unusual--red paint.

“What have you been up to then, hm?” Janus asked, as polite as he was disinterested.

“Painting with Pat! Drawing with Daddy! Look!” He shoved a messy, still drying canvas in Janus’s arms. It was a finger painting of mutilated arm, rather tame for him, but perhaps that was because he made it with--

“Patton?”

“That’s what I said! Geez, who stole your ears? Oh, wait, was it me? That sounds like me. But, of course, it doesn’t sound like anything to you!” He cackled.

“I still have my ears, you gremlin,” he hissed. “But you’re right, there’s nothing for me to be surprised about, since you and Patton are on such great terms.”

“Exactly!” Remus confirmed. “Wow, you heard about it quick, JJ! It was just this afternoon, he came up with those pouty puppy eyes, gushing apologies, asking me to be his wittle fwiend~” he batted his eyelashes mockingly. Heat rose in Janus’s chest at that, and he almost lept to defend Patton, embarrassingly, but luckily Remus continued before he could. 

“Which, was kinda stupid; guy made it sound like he had committed war crimes against me or some shit. Like, yeah, dude was a dick to me; I was a dick to him. That was meant to be our whole dynamic! Now whenever I scare him--what?--I’ll feel guilty, who wants that?! I liked being enemies. But maybe I’ll like being friends more.” He shrugged. “Time will tell, right? That’s a great idea, actually. I’m gonna go make some clocks that just scream every hour. Oo, or every minute! Yeah, that. Seeya, Janny Fanny!”

Janus gaped, left uncomprehending, while Remus sped off.

He tried to imagine it--Remus. With Patton. Chatting, smiling, joking. Remus would, of course, be able to bring much more reckless fun to the father figure than he might otherwise go for. Patton might enjoy some of Remus’s more childish humor. In an odd, backwards way they made a sort of sense.

The image made Janus’s blood boil. He should have been pleased for them. He knew that, but it didn’t help. And--what? Had Janus thought he was special? Fancied himself the singular, blessed demon chosen by an angel? Patton’s new bestest buddy?

No. He should’ve known that was never on the table. As it turned out, Patton was simply being polite to everyone now. That didn’t mean Janus had changed in his mind. It didn’t mean Janus had changed at all.

He was a villain. He had been going about this all wrong, trying to be more than he was made for. He needed to remember that.

***

“How the tables table, huh?”

“That is how the phrase goes,” Janus remarked dryly as Patton took a seat by him. Janus offered him the wine bottle, but he put a hand up and shook his head. 

“Well, at least I’m not crying,” Janus sneered. 

“No, wouldn’t want to ruin your dignity like me, right?” Patton half-joked. Half-joke, half-smile, half-truth. Nothing Patton did went full way. “Wanna talk about it?”

Janus scoffed, and went back to nursing his drink.

“Right,” Patton frowned. “Listen--Janus, I wanted to apologize. ...Again,” he added, with a half-laugh. Half-laugh, half-hurt. Whatever. “I shouldn’t have gotten so judgmental earlier. Morality and judgement tend to go hand in hand, even when they shouldn’t. And I got defensive on Roman’s behalf too,” he admitted. Janus grit his teeth, glaring at the wooden counter. Defensive over Roman. Friends with Remus. “Look--I’ve done bad stuff too. I had no place to judge you now, when it’s clear you have now learned.”

Janus laughed, suddenly, bitterly, at that. “Oh, have I, now?” 

Patton blinked, tilting his head. “...Yes?”

Janus rolled his eyes, and downed the end of his glass. “Listen, Morality, I’m not like you. I don’t need to go on some learning spree, down the path of beautiful ethics and self-improvement. I’m not meant to be a little, lovely side. Maybe learning my name made you forget; I’m Deceit.You heard Thomas yourself--I’m a flaw. So, I don’t do guilt. I don’t plan on too much learning. And I definitely won’t be spewing out apologies, like some sides I know,” he bit out each word. He wanted to make Patton leave. Maybe cry. Make him realize what Janus really was. But he just sat there with that stupid, sincere, concerned gaze.

“I’m not built for it!” Janus continued, growing more frantic at the lack of reaction. “...I can’t.”

Janus shoved his hand to his mouth in an attempt to cover the first sob, but it was too late. Soon his shoulders were shaking, his head in his hands, breaths unsteady. There were warm arms around his back, pulling him against a cardigan-clad chest, soothing whispers in his ears. He realized his hat had been taken off as he felt fingers run through his hair. 

“Janus,” Patton began softly, moving back slightly so that Janus could meet his eyes. “That sounded like a lot of lies to me.”

Janus shook his head firmly, fumbling to pull his gloves off and put his hands up. “Patton, I swear, that is the truth!”

Patton looked at him for a long moment. Then, he reached his hands out, and slowly took Janus’s. Janus let him. “You can lie to yourself, you know,” he said softly.

Janus’s eyes burned, and he had to force himself not to spill over the edge again. He was hyper-aware of their contact, now. The warmth of Patton’s skin against his was intoxicating.

Patton looked down at their hands too. He squeezed them lightly, a 3 beat pattern. “They’re so cold,” he frowned.

“Are they, now?” Janus aimed for sarcastic, but it came out unsteady. 

“Mhm.”

They were quiet for a long time. Unmoving. As if a word, a breath, could break them apart. 

“I’ll apologize,” Janus said finally.

“To Roman?”

“...Yes,” Janus agreed. “And to you.”

“What for?”

Janus looked down at their intertwined hands, waited for Patton to follow his gaze. “The things I want.”

“Oh,” Patton breathed. He rubbed his thumb along the back of Janus’s hand. “I… don’t think the things we want are so different anymore.”

“Hm.” Janus let go of Patton’s grip, just for a moment, in order to pull the other closer. Patton melted in his grip immediately, head laying on his shoulder. Janus returned the embrace. “Maybe not.”

#my writinggg is really badd and that ok im not a writerr i might delete this later #i only have the guts to post this bcuz its 2:30am woooo #starting a tag as tho ill ever put anything else in it #moceit #moceit fic #ts patton #ts janus #janus angst #patton angst #patton sanders #janus sanders #theres implied roman angst but idk if i should put it in the tag so i wont #sanders sides #sanders sides fic #ask me if theres smthing i forgot ot tag #lucy.fic

[1dsource]

Ziam writers in this fandom need a lot of love, just like our larry writers, so here is our first Ziam fic rec! The theme of this fic rec is Friends to Lovers!

Please show these authors some extra love and leave a kudos, and even a comment if you have the time. It’s important we also give the newer, unknown authors a chance so they keep having motivation to write more amazing stories for us all to read <3

Fools, and Worthless Liars. by aliceninetyfive I 115K I Haunted hotel, winter

Louis and Liam decide to go work a winter season in a snow resort in the Alps during their gap year. They get placed in Austria, where they meet a bunch of familiar faces including Zayn, Harry, Niall and various others you're bound to recognise doing the same thing!

Featuring our old favourites angst, pining, self discovery, ot5, and a side helping of a haunted hotel & gorgeous alpine scenery.

Compartment 451 by ziamhaze I 88K I Harry Potter universe

Zayn’s a muggleborn wizard whose parents leave him to fend for himself once he’s made aware of his magical abilities. The Payne’s are an open minded wizarding family, who take him in and provide the boy with a loving home before he and their overly excited son Liam, go off to Hogwarts for the first time. Liam introduces Zayn to the wonderful world of magic, while Zayn teaches the pureblood about a way of life he’s never known. Somewhere between laser tag tutorials and petting Hebridean Black dragons, Zayn falls for the newly appointed Head Boy, but his three other nonconforming friends aren’t about to let the Ravenclaw go through his last year of school without letting Liam in on his feelings once and for all.

Money Moves by mmaree I 74K I Fake Relationship I Boss/Employee

“I’ll cut straight to the chase,” Liam announces. He leans forward, and Zayn is met with steely eyes and steepled fingers. “I’m willing to offer you fifty grand if you’ll enter into a small…partnership with me. This would be in addition to your salary at Payne Innovations, of course. Think of it as a bonus.”

Zayn narrows his eyes. “What kind of partnership?”

“A fake engagement.”

“Oh,” Zayn says, relieved it’s nothing illegal. “Wait—what?”

“A fake engagement,” his boss repeats slowly, as if he’s convinced Zayn’s comprehension skills are significantly lacking. “For six months. Maybe less if I can pull it off sooner but don’t worry—you’ll be paid the full sum regardless of how long it takes.”

Zayn’s suspicious, and he doesn’t even know why. There’s nothing to be suspicious of because, clearly, Liam’s lost the plot. Zayn’s having a conversation with a complete nutter. There’s no other reasonable explanation.

He clears his throat, searches Liam’s eyes for a sign he's taking the piss. “How long what takes?”

A smile plays at Liam’s lips. “For me to be hired as the CTO at Titan Technologies.”

Half A Heart by ginger_with_a_black_cat I 68K I Friends with Benefits

Zayn is an English student who doesn't want to fall in love because his biggest fear is to get hurt again. Liam is a resident bad boy and everyone's wet dream on the outside, but in the inside he's a secret even to himself. Harry's Liam's best friend with a secret of his own. Louis likes to party hard, get drunk and get everyone in trouble but everybody loves him nonetheless. And then, there's Niall, who's the youngest of them all, but still has the most brains and keeps them all in order all while being in love with an impossible girl.

Or where Zayn gets hit in the head by his own actions, Liam finds himself falling for an idiot, Harry gets dragged out of the closet by the love of his life, Louis wants Harry and only Harry and Niall just wants all of them to get their shit together, so he can get his own life back.

and you take me the way i am by orphan_account I 54K I Fake Relationship

It’s incredibly relaxing, even in this small space, the way they’ve always been. Such a distraction that he doesn’t think, not for once, about agreeing to lie to his family and Zayn pretending to be his date and how easy all of this might be.

(Liam needs a date to a wedding. His family loves to match him up with blind dates. He doesn't want that. He needs a date... and, well, why not Zayn. Pretending to be boyfriends for a weekend isn't the worst idea he supposes. Liam is horribly wrong.)

some moments are rare by orphan_account I 46K I Uni au

The city blinks awake outside but Zayn falls asleep with his nose pressed to Liam’s coffee-stain of a birthmark.

(or, alternatively: Zayn is spending a summer studying aboard; thirty days across Europe, with his best mate by his side. It's always been like this ― Zayn and Liam. And he's always been a bit daft about love, or the fact that Liam's always been in love with him. It's all a bit of a mess, actually.)

Just As Fast, Twice As Dangerous by lightswoodmagic I 45K I Superpowers

When he realised it was only him and Liam in the hallway, he felt safe enough to drop his shield. Oh. Lovely. Liam was emanating affection and fondness, his primary emotions filled with warmth and love. Zayn let himself bask in it, how it would feel to be loved by Liam. He knew Liam loved him, but he wasn’t in love with him; Zayn had felt that emotion too many times to count, and this just wasn’t it. He dug slightly deeper, could feel that Liam was excited and nervous, and when he hit a wall Liam had built himself, he dropped back. He wasn’t supposed to know everything.

Or, Zayn's a normal student by day, and a superhero by night. When a mysterious man seems to target him at the same time a natural disaster strikes, Zayn has to figure out a way to save the day, protect his heart, and convince the boys he's not a vigilante all at the same time.

down the vista of years by ohthathurt I 30K I Time Travel

Zayn whispered, “So where do we go from here?”

Liam shrugged, seemingly lost in thought. Then he smiled down at his boyfriend, “Forward?”

Zayn smiled serenely, eyes twinkling like gold in the sun seeping through the open windows.

He nodded, “Forward.”

Just the two of us and a cute little cup of cyanide by orphan_account I 17K I Accidental Marriage

“I definitely need something alcoholic if I’m going to watch my two best mates divorce,” Niall says, yanking a top over his head.

“We’re not actually married,” Liam says, with slightly more force than intended. “It was an accident. Obviously I wouldn’t ever get married to Zayn if I was sober, that’s fucking ridiculous.”

The bathroom door opens suddenly and Zayn stands there in nothing but a towel, bottom lip trapped between his teeth. Liam opens his mouth to say something but Zayn holds up his hand, shaking his head. “You don’t need to be a dick about it, Liam. This isn’t exactly how I envisioned my first marriage going either.”

Or an I-accidentally-married-my-best-mate-in-Vegas fic, where Liam's completely oblivious, Zayn's completely in love, Harry's had enough, Louis plays mediator and Niall just wants his best friends to be with each other.

i'm watching you run from the sidelines by thebeehive I 17K I 

“One week,” Zayn cajoled. “C’mon Leeyum. After one week if you hate it that much, you can go. But just stay one week.”

“In Pennsylvania. On your farm. In the middle of nowhere.”

Liam looked at his phone, but it held no answers. Zayn couldn’t be serious. Liam hadn’t stopped traveling the world after the band went on hiatus. He never stopped. Dubai one week, London the next, and then L.A. It didn’t really matter where, as long as he kept moving. But he missed Zayn, missed his former band mate. His former friend. He hadn’t seen him in person in years. And it couldn’t be that bad, on a farm, could it?

Liam sighed. “Fine. A week. But your wifi better be fucking spectacular, mate.”

{Or, Zayn invites Liam to his farm for a week to help him relax. Things don’t go as planned.}

fooled around and fell in love by tachycardia I 15K I Fake Relationship

“I have a proposal - a proposition,” Liam corrects quickly. “For you.”

Liam and Zayn pretend to be engaged.

a river flows so surely to the sea by kettering I 14K I Uni au

It’s August, not a cloud in the sky, and two boys who’ve been smitten with each other for going on a decade are tying the knot.

get a little bit nervous by louistomlinsons I 14K I 

Liam goes to say something, probably something dumb, but he chokes on his spit, coughing loudly. The man in front of him is one of the prettiest people he’s ever seen in his life; he’s got thick eyelashes that fan out and frame his dark eyes and tanned unblemished skin. Liam forgets all of his previous thoughts.

“You okay, mate?” he asks, concern filtering into his voice.

“Yeah, yeah,” Liam says, still choking and coughing. “Sorry.”

“We all reacted the same way we saw Zayn for the first time,” Niall says from next to him, laughter evident in his tone. “He’s a god, isn’t he?”

or, ziam farmer's market au where liam, louis, and niall work at the produce stand, harry and zayn work at the bakery stand, and nobody's straight

Tell me tomorrow (I'll wait by the window for you) by orphan_account I 13K

“You’re, like, beautiful,” Liam says, and it’s said so earnestly and with such conviction that Zayn can hardly believe that they don’t know each other in real life. “God, I’m cacking it now.”

“Don’t,” Zayn says shyly. “We’re both people, it… it will be what it will.”

“Can’t wait,” Liam says softly. “I’m nervous, yeah, but I really can’t fucking wait.”

“Me neither,” Zayn grins. “Less than seventeen hours to go now, babe.”

Or a Gavin and Stacey AU where Zayn pines, Liam's nervous, Louis's loud, Harry's a little odd and Niall just loves an omelette.

This Is Somethin' Real by lightswoodmagic I 5K I 

Zayn had felt it before, felt the hope and the possibility of something brewing, but where he usually pushed it down, he let it consume him now, let it take over everything until he was swinging his feet and grinning when Niall finally walked through the door.

“Lads!”

“Nialler!” Louis shouted, wrapping him up in a hug.

“How is everyo – woah, why are you so happy?” he asked Zayn, cackling when Zayn kicked out at him.

“He’s going to tell Payno he’s in love with him tonight, that’s why,” Louis explained, and Zayn saw Harry’s nose scrunch as he smiled.

Again, if you read, please remember to leave kudos and/or a comment so we keep motivating our lovely, talented writers and make them feel valued

#ziam #fics #ficmp #friends to lovers

[tokoyamisstuff]

How would Bucky react to his girlfriend being really affectionate with another guy? Like touchier to him compared to her other friends, maybe a bit clingy, maybe even sharing inside jokes?

Headcanons for a Jealous!Bucky!

Heya, dear!  💕 Here are your Headcanons. (:

If you like to read more about an insecure/jealous Bucky, just click here, here and here! The first one is basically a Oneshot about exactly what you requested!

First of all: Bucky has never been a jealous type, and it would be impossible for him to talk you out of anything as long as it makes you happy.

Actually, he’s quite relieved at first. Since he knows that he’s lacking in many points of your relationship. So he’s glad that you have found a friend who compensates for that.

For example, he would have phases where he couldn’t stand being touched, not even by you. And he knows just how much you merged in bodily contact.

Even though you made him come out of his shell, he’s still withdrawn to himself. It’s hard to have a proper conversation with him, let alone an ordinary one.

Or the fact that his humor suffered a heavy lot after his time at HYDRA, understandably.

Obviously, he would never doubt your love for him - yet he knows that being with the former Winter Soldier and his PTSD puts a stroll on you, too.

But there was that one thing he just couldn’t get out of his head, bugging him this whole time: Your friend was way better.

No matter how he compared himself to that guy, he’d always come out top. Better looking (well, subjectively spoken), doesn’t have a past full of violence, crime and death, is not mentally ill and especially can fulfill every one of your needs.

With him, you could have a normal future. A family, children even. Was it even possible for Bucky to have something like that, after all that had happened to him? He didn’t know for himself.

And he slowly began to realize just how much you clinged to his newfound rival.

Actually, it was a big misunderstanding - the only thing you had in mind was Buckys wellbeing.

You’d begin to tell him things you wouldn’t bother to tell Bucky, to not burden that already strained man any further. Or go out with him more often to give your boyfriend some space and time alone for himself.

Of course James wouldn’t tell you about his internal troubles. He just isn’t the kind of guy to open up about his feelings that easily, after HYDRA tried to erase every humanity inside of him, and so many people having betrayed him.

So he’d use everything inside of him up to make you his again: Trying to be around you as much as possible or forcing himself to make bodycontact, if only a little (like his hand ghosting over your back or him putting a strand of hair out of your face).

Whenever you’d be around your friend, Bucky would watch you from afar, most of the time flexing his fist, gnarling and giving that guy a gloomy look until he was so intimidated that he’d leave on his own.

But he felt so guilty - how could he want to ruin something that was seemingly making you happy? Neither you nor the man did a bad thing, after all. And you shouldn’t feel bad for having friends as it is totally natural.

James wouldn’t tell anyone about it. Not even Steve. But others would notice how close you and your friend became and start questioning Bucky about the stand of your relationship, only straining him more.

So eventually, things would escalate as he found the two of you cuddling on the sofa while watching Netflix - you having fallen asleep on his lap. You never did this with him.

The only reason why Bucky didn’t beat that man to a pulp was the frightened and confused look on your face as you woke up, seeing your boyfriend as furious as never before.

At first you thought he had become the Winter Soldier again - but when you found out about the true reason for that violent outburst, you’d scold him for behaving that childish. He should know you better than that, and he also knew that you hated it when he was that self-conscious.

Good for him that your friend left the very moment he raised his metal fist at him, mumbling something about “Having no patience to deal with such freaks.”

He thought you to be furious at him - yet you’d make him sit down next to you, holding his hand this whole time while calmly explaining your view on the whole story. Your eyes would never leave his, and they told him you were speaking from the heart here.

Truth be spoken, after he called your boyfriend a ‘freak’, your desire to befriend that guy has disappeared into nothingness.

You’ll probably end that chapter in your relationship with a long night of you consoling him, with Bucky not letting you out of his bear hug for a single second.

After hours of talking while simply lying in each others arms and finally understanding each other better, Bucky will probably say something like “I am a piece of work. But I’ll go to any lenght for you to see me as a friend, not just a lover.”

“I love you, you doofus. You already are my best friend.”

_______

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#Bucky x Reader #Bucky x You #BuckyxReader #BuckyxYou #Bucky Barnes #Winter Soldier #Marvel #Avengers #White Wolf #Writing #Self Insert #Headcanons #HC #Jealous! Bucky #Steve Rogers #Captain America #Anon #Ask #Reques

[crimsonbluemoon]

71 minicat because i have no control over my need for steamy minicat content

Okay, last drabble! Thank you all for sending them in, and for those who didn’t make the timeframe, be on the lookout for next month when I re-open my requests. Probably will be closer to mid-may as I do plan to release the new story the first week of the month. 

This story is part two to this drabble, so read that one first!

Pairing: Minicat Number: 71 Prompt: “Don’t blame it on the alcohol, you tasted like you wanted me.”

Tyler had been patient, had been a fucking saint for the past week ‘giving Mini time’ as his asshole of a friend Brain suggested. Christmas was dull without being able to see Craig, and no contact from him during the lull between holidays sucked worse than getting mono before prom. He tried to suck it up, to pretend that he was doing fine, but it was really hard when everything was pissing him off. Brock kept trying to talk about ‘feelings’, Panda ribbed him for being an oblivious idiot, and Nogla...well he was Nogla. Everything sucked and even the four shots of tequila at Lui’s New Year’s Eve party wasn’t cutting it. 

Because Mini was there, was twenty feet away from him, and they might as well have been in different countries. 

The pain that had reflected in his friend’s eyes when he’d confessed his feelings had honestly stunned Tyler. He had no idea that Mini of all people saw him like that. It wasn’t that Craig never flirted with him; it was because he flirted with everyone with a pulse. Even now, laughing and slinging his arm around Vanoss’s shoulder to kiss his cheek, Craig was charming the whole room. That was just who Mini was. How was Tyler supposed to pick up the signs that Anthony said were clear as day? Sure, Craig always asked to drive to events with him, and holding hands was kinda common between the two. But Mini was just a tactile person, and Tyler-

He just liked to see Mini smile. Like he was doing now, though it pissed him off that none of the grins were aimed toward him. Craig was acting like Tyler wasn’t even there, not looking at him and making sure there were at least ten people between them at all times. As the hours and alcohol passed, the proximity shrank a bit, and yet again Tyler had to bid his time. By the time it was close to midnight, only Delirious and Nogla were between the two. 

And Tyler knew it was time to make his move. 

“You.” Nogla was a wimp and Delirious was scared of his own shadow half the time, which made it easy to push through them and snag Mini by the arm. He felt the muscles tense under his touch, but his irritation and liquid courage were too high for him to really care. “We’re going to talk.” 

“I really need to-” Tyler didn’t listen for the excuse when he pulled them away, weaving around the crowd in Lui’s living room to get to the patio outside. The air was crisp, and he checked the thickness of Mini’s sweatshirt before he closed the door behind them and leaned on it. Craig looked uncomfortable instantly, his hands twitching by his sides before shoving quickly into his pockets. “Look, I’m too drunk for this right now.”

“You’ve had two drinks and a shot, you’re fine,” Tyler snapped out, pulling back his irritation when seeing Mini flinch in response. “I just need some answers.” 

“I don’t know what else I can tell you,” Mini whispered, looking defeated in his stance.  

“Was it the truth?” Tyler watched Mini’s eyes round in shock, though a fire blazed with anger quickly took over his gaze. 

“Are you kidding me? Why would I-who makes up something like that? What am I, Nogla?” 

“Why do you always bring up Nogla?” 

“Because he normally fits well when I’m comparing stupid things! Why do you have a problem with Nogla? This is just like at the party-”

“When you claimed you liked me, but you said you’d kiss him?” Tyler asked, instantly regretting his lack of impulse control when Mini stopped talking. Too far to go back, Tyler pressed forward with his grumble. “If you liked me, you would have kissed me that night.”

“That’s what you’re stuck on? That I poured my heart out to you, made a fool of myself to you, ruined everything between us for you, but said that I’d kiss Nogla?!” Tyler’s scowl twitched at Mini’s questions, but he didn’t respond. No answer seemed to be the wrong answer, and Craig stared at him in disbelief before blowing out a puff of hot breath. “Fine!”

“Fine what-” Tyler’s shoulders hit into the firm surface he leaned against when Craig shoved them, a firm weight pressed against his chest. 

Before he could blink, Mini’s mouth was on him, kissing him hard enough to knock his head against the door. He could taste the mint of the drink Luke had made for Craig on his tongue when Craig deepened the kiss. His eyes stayed open for a moment, taking in the flush of Mini’s cheeks and the bittersweet emotion he could feel overlapping their connection. Then Tyler was closing his eyes, sliding his hands over the back of Mini’s arms and pull him closer and respond. He felt the moment Craig picked up on the change, mouth trying to pull away as if burned. But Tyler growled in warning, refusing the let the exchange end until he put his own feelings into the mix. His teeth snagged Mini’s lip between them, dragging him back into the kiss before soothing the bruised skin with his tongue. The arms he held trembled as Craig gasped, his open mouth allowing Tyler to slip in and claim it as his own. The cold from before was gone, his body boiling from the battle of their lips and the pressure of Mini’s body against his own. He was pinned between it and the door; yet he felt like the one keeping Craig captive when he finally pulled back from the kiss, feeling Mini nearly fall into him. Heavy breathing joined the music from the party inside, the two staying silent for a minute. Tyler felt Craig tense against him, trying to pull away despite the firm grip Tyler still had on the back of his arms. 

“Oh fuck.” Mini press his hand to his mouth, panic and pain rushing through his feature even as he laughed. “Wow, I really am drunk. So drunk. Very very drunk as a skunk-”

“Don’t you dare blame it on the alcohol,” Tyler growled out, making sure he made his point clear by pulling Mini back into him. He was pleased when Craig didn’t fight the touch, even as the confusion peppered his face. “You tasted like you wanted me.”  

“Of course I do, idiot. I like you, I already said I liked you.” Craig looked annoyed that he had to confess it again, but Tyler would take that over sad any day. “But that doesn’t mean I get to throw myself at you when you didn’t even say you-”

“What did I tell you at the last party?” Tyler interrupted, knowing he wouldn’t get an answer when Craig glanced away from him. “I said I don’t just go around kissing everyone. If I didn’t want to be here with you, then I wouldn’t have searched you out and dragged you out here to talk.”

“Well obviously you wanted to fix things. You thought I was mad at you.”

“Marcel’s been pissed at me for a month before and I didn’t give a shit!” Tyler replied, and both knew it was true. Tyler said what he wanted to say and rarely worried about how it made others feel unless he truly had crossed a line. Sighing and leaning his head back against the door, Tyler stared up at the cloudy sky above and continued. “But this past week’s been fucking miserable, and all I’ve wanted to do was talk to you.”

“We didn’t really do a lot of talking here, either.” Mini’s stupid joke made Tyler grin and groan at the same time, though he enjoyed the feeling of Craig’s head hesitantly leaning against his shoulder. Mini felt tired in his arms; Tyler could pick up on the fatigue without words. How much sleep did he also lose over this? How many times had his mind dragged him into negative spaces and vicious thoughts? Hating that he’d let this linger for a week, Tyler pulled his attention back down to Mini, letting go of one of his arms. Slowly, he slipped his thumb under Craig’s glasses, tracing the black markings of exhaustion laying under his eye. 

“If you hadn’t run off that night, we could have avoided all of this.” 

“Yeah, probably,” Craig admitted with a sigh, eyes not opening despite Tyler’s soft touch. “But put yourself in my shoes; if you were going to lose your best friend because you liked him, would you have been buying front row seats to that shitshow?”

“I might have tried to show him what he’d be walking away from if he didn’t get his head out of his ass and really look at me,” Tyler muttered, hating that the words were pretty close to what Brian had said to him the following day. His thumb found its way down Craig’s cheek, brushing the edge of the lips that quirked into a pained smile. 

“I don’t want to lose you, but...I don’t think I can really pretend I’m okay with seeing you with other people. Which is dumb, I know-”

“Shut up, Mini. I just got a buzz off the alcohol in your mouth from kissing you so hard; you think I’m interested in anyone else?” His palm moved to his jaw when Mini pulled his head up in confusion, making Tyler scoff. “You really must be drunk if I have to spell this shit out for you. I was pissed at the party because I had to kiss everyone but you. And I didn’t really realized that’s what I fucking wanted until you were high tailing out of the parking lot like Vin Diesel. Put it together, idiot.” 

“Wait, you like me, too? You’re not just like, really shitfaced or something?” 

“You’ve seen me drunk, am I the cuddly type?” 

“No, you’re the ‘fight frat boys when naked cause they called my friends slurs’ type.” 

“Half-naked. And see if I ever defend your shitty honor again.” He was never going to live that down, no matter how many times he swore off scorpion bowls. Craig’s smile, for the first time all night, bloomed with actual happiness at Tyler’s blush. It was as annoying as it was relieving, and Tyler didn’t pull away despite the slight pinch to his cheek. 

“I guess you’re not drunk since you’re still fully clothed. Shame.” Mini’s laugh made Tyler roll his eyes, but he didn’t pull away from the soft kiss pressed to his lips and words murmured against them afterwards. “So we’re really doing this?” 

“For some reason,” Tyler said, ignoring the skip of his heart when Mini jumped onto him. Quickly his arms grabbed under Craig’s thighs, securing him from taking them both down before he yelled. “What the fuck-”

“I’m really happy, Tyler.” Mini’s words against his ear stopped his snark, forcing Tyler to sigh and lean back against the door. He didn’t speak, letting himself stay warm in Mini’s arms. 

He was never going to tell Brian that patience paid off, but mentally, he was really happy he listened to the asshole.

#mssjynx #MiniCat #Mini Ladd #I Am Wildcat #Fire and Ice boys #<3 #Crimson Drabblez

[narcoleptic-drag-queen]

37 branjie n!!

i love vampire au and i hope you appreciate my ‘what we do in the shadows’ and ‘lost boys’ references, and most of all i hope you appreciate the half-hopeful branjie <3

37 - “So…this is happening?”

N - Vampire AU

-

“How am I doing?” 

“You’re… well, you… you’re doin’ fine for a first timer.”

Brooke purses her lips. “You can just say I’m doing badly, Vanj, I promise I won’t bite.”

Vanjie rolls her eyes, giving Brooke an unimpressed look from her vantage point on the ground. “If you make a fuckin’ vampire pun again, I’m gonna release you out the window and let you float away free willy.”

“Free willy?” Brooke snorts, and Vanessa raises her eyebrows.

“You got some nerve for someone who’s stuck to the ceilin’ right now.”

“You’re the one who’s supposed to be training me!”

“Not my fault you’re impossible to teach! It’s just fuckin’ floatin’!” Vanjie throws her hands up in the air, pretending to be more annoyed than she actually is. In reality, a soft bubble of disbelieving pleasure is welling up inside of her. The fact that she and Brooke have gotten back to a place of friendly banter - she could cry with how happy it makes her. 

It’s hard to believe she’d truly thought things had been irreparably damaged just a month ago. 

“I’m not impossible to teach,” Brooke mutters petulantly, and she rises up a little higher in the air, so that her head literally taps against the ceiling and sticks there. She looks ridiculous, her entire body straightened instead of relaxed, like Vanessa had told her to do, her legs crossed to accommodate for the skirt she’s wearing. Vanjie shakes her head at her.

“I can’t believe you wore a skirt to learn how to fly,” Vanjie says, and Brooke raises an eyebrow.

“Stop looking and maybe you won’t be so bothered,” she says, teasing, and Vanjie flushes what she’s sure is cherry red, her heart stopping in her chest.

“I’m not looking,” she says quickly, and Brooke frowns at her. Shit. She’d said the wrong thing.

Vanjie had spent the first two weeks of Brooke’s turning treading on thin ice, trying to avoid triggering Brooke’s sadness or anger and instead settling for the constant melancholy she’d worn around like a cloak. Brooke had warmed up in the middle of the third week, and Vanessa had finally been able to relax, but there was still a tension between them. Brooke still slept in the guest bedroom, and they sat at opposite ends of the couch during movie nights, often with Yvie in between them, if she came over. Yvie had started to become less of a cockblock and more of a relief, and Vanessa has found herself invited her oldest friend over more and more, uncomfortable with her relationship with Brooke and more than unsure of it.

Are they still dating? She doubts it. There hadn’t been an official break up, but with the amount of times Brooke had told her she never wanted to see her again…. Her heart twists in her chest. No, they aren’t dating. But sometimes Brooke says things that make her think there’s still something there, and Vanjie gets hopeful.

It isn’t fair.

“I’m going to try and push away from the ceiling,” Brooke announces, breaking the tense silence that had fallen over them. Vanessa jerks her head back up to look at her, panicked.

“Wait, Brooke, no, you’re just gonna--”

Brooke shoves away from the wall, using her legs for an extra push, and she manages to spit herself out into the middle of the living room relatively smoothly. For a moment, Vanjie thinks she’s actually managed to pull it off, and she raises her hands to clap, more than impressed.

Then, Brooke starts turning.

She’d curled up into a ball to push off the wall, and the new positioning has aided in her new dilemma: rolling uncontrollably in the air, gaining speed with every new flip. “Vaness!” she cries, clearly panicked, and Vanjie really feels for her. Spinning like that fucking sucks. She just hadn’t realized how funny it was to watch from the ground.

Yvie’s movie-villain laughter when she’d gotten stuck like this suddenly makes a lot more sense.

“Hey, hey, I got you!” Vanessa giggles, when Brooke makes a distressed noise at her cackles. She lifts into the air herself, careful not to shoot off into the sky like she tends to when she’s actually outside. “Relax!”

“You’re laughing at me!” Brooke whines, and Vanessa grabs her arms, stilling her. 

“Only a lil,” she says, and she turns Brooke in the air until she’s upright again, the lack of gravity making her a lot lighter than she actually is. “Straighten your legs. I think we’re done for today.”

Brooke obeys, letting out a relieved breath. “Thank god,” she says, as Vanessa starts lowering them. “That was miserable.”

“Don’t you mean ‘thank Satan?’” Vanjie teases, and Brooke play-hits her shoulder.

“I was just curious!”

“Curious that you was gonna have to worship the devil ‘cuz what? You drink blood now?”

“Obviously!”

Vanessa laughs at her again, forgetting any and all hang ups between them, and they land gently. Their toes are nearly touching. Vanessa realizes they’re far too close together. Brooke seems to have the same realization, if the way her breath catches is any indication.

But she doesn’t step away.

Instead, she starts to lean closer, her eyelids lowering, and Vanessa feels like she’s about to hyperventilate. Is this really happening?

“So, this is happening?” she whispers, as Brooke gets closer, and Brooke pauses to give her a strange look. The confusion on her face makes Vanessa’s face flame up in embarrassment. God, if she hadn’t just presumed--

“What are you talking about?” Brooke asks, her voice softer than Vanjie had been expecting, but still confused.

“I’m--” Vanjie stammers. “Sorry, I think I just misinterpreted, I didn’t mean--”

“What?” Brooke interrupts, visibly lost, and Vanjie sucks in a deep breath. This is a fucking mess.

“I just--”

The door swings open loudly, cutting Vanjie off and revealing an excited Yvie, a bowl of rice in her hands. “Brooke!” she greets, walking towards them. She’s seemingly oblivious to the tension she’s just walked in on, but if Vanjie knows Yvie, she’s all too aware. This is just probably the first time she’s found herself grateful for it.

“Yves,” Brooke says, relief clear in her voice, and Vanjie knows she’s not the only one.

“Wanna test your illusion skills?” Yvie says, shaking the bowl of rice for emphasis. “I’ll be they fuckin’ rock.”

“Yes,” Brooke says, without hesitation. “Yes.”

Vanjie follows them to the couch to sit and practice tricking people into thinking their rice is actually maggots, a little lost in thought. Brooke had seemed confused, but she’d definitely been leaning in. She hadn’t seemed flustered, or embarrassed.

She’d seemed content.

Vanjie finds herself hoping, just a little. This was more than a flirty comment in the kitchen, or a could-be-accidental touch on the ass. This was nearly a kiss, and one with absolutely no hesitance until Vanjie had opened her big mouth. Hope is on the tip of her tongue as she looks across Yvie at Brooke, and she thinks that she shouldn’t be holding on to something that died weeks ago.

But then Brooke looks back at her, her gaze filled with something like fondness, and Vanjie allows herself to hope again.

#told yall one would be here today #branjie #writing #ask game #prompts #vampire au

[lovlieziam]

YOUR DRABBLES ARE MAKING ME SO HAPPY,THANK YOU.Also can you do 140 and 97?

I’m pretty sure you looked at the prompt list and went “what two prompts will be the absolute hardest for Brooke to combine?” and then chose two completely unrelated prompts so coming up with an idea to be so damn hard. (Also I’m sorry for taking so long y’all I really chose a bad week to reblog that list I’ve been SO busy)

97. “Don’t touch me.”

140. “I swear my house is haunted.”

Being Zayn’s friend had a lot of perks. Really, it did. Liam loved it, loved Zayn, it was just, sometimes—

“What did you just say?” Liam mumbled, groggily rubbing a fist into his eye as he forced his body into some form of wakefulness.

“I said,” Zayn started, “I swear my house is haunted.”

Liam let out a deep sigh, resigning himself to a drawn-out conversation about weird house-related noises at—Liam levered himself up a couple inches to check the clock—3:47 am. Which was—it was fine. He was totally coherent enough at the ass crack of dawn to have a conversation about potential ghosts.

For fucks sake.

With another sigh—hopefully quiet enough that Zayn couldn’t hear—Liam asked, “Why do you think your house is haunted, Zayn?”

Zayn let out a soft, choked laugh, before whispering, “Because I’m hearing so many noises. Like, more than usual.” There was a pause before, “Hey, actually, what’s a normal amount of sound for a house to make? Like is there a defined amount of noise a house is expected to make before it becomes a concern? Because I think we’ve passed that point now.”

Liam swallowed the light laughter that wanted to work its way out of his throat, instead trying to focus on actually responding to Zayn’s words. Before he could, however, Zayn continued with, “Or maybe I’m just being robbed.”

He said the words so casually, so normal-like that it took Liam a full twenty seconds of processing before—

“WHAT?!” He yelled, slinging himself into an upright position before abruptly getting out of bed. “What do you mean you might be getting robbed?”

“I don’t know, Liam! I mean that there’s a chance I’m getting robbed!” Zayn whisper-yelled. “There’s a lot of noise coming from downstairs and I’m sure as fuck not going to go and find out what’s causing it! I’ve seen horror movies!”

Liam let out a startled noise, his heartbeat picking up in his chest. “Zayn what the fuck,” he muttered, shouldering his phone so he could use both hands to grab the jeans from the chair in the corner and yank them up his legs. “Literally what the fuck. Why didn’t you lead with that?”

All Zayn did was let out a soft, non-committal noise on the other end of the line. Liam kind of wanted to shake him.

“Jesus, Zayn. Why didn’t you call the police?”

Zayn made another noise before, “I’m probably not being robbed, right?”

“Zayn!” Liam closed his eyes, forcing himself to take a deep, calming breath before he continued. “Zayn, hang up the phone and call the cops. Right. Now. I’m coming over. I’ll be there in eight minutes.”

“But it’s a fifteen-minute drive—”

“Eight minutes, Zayn. Call the cops!” With that, Liam hung up, his pulse still thundering loudly in his ears, his nerve causing minute quakes to travel through his hands.

If Zayn got himself killed before Liam managed to work up the nerve to ask him on a date, Liam was going to murder him.

The whole ride there—eight minutes, just like Liam said—there was a constant chant of pleasebeokaydon’tbedeadormaimedwhenIgetthereplease running through his head. When he finally arrived, his breath caught in his throat at the lack of cop cars in the driveway. He would bet anything Zayn didn’t call them.

With his heart in his throat, Liam hazardously parked his car before throwing himself out of it and up Zayn’s stairs. He didn’t bother knocking—if there were already people in Zayn’s house, it sure as fuck wasn’t going to make them suddenly disappear.

He threw the door open, expecting to see Zayn’s front room in utter chaos, and maybe a few masked criminals scrambling around, grabbing anything of value. Instead, he was met with Zayn’s empty corridor and the sound of his TV’s low volume echoing on the hallway walls.

Okay, so maybe he’d broken a few speeding laws for no reason except playing into Zayn’s dramatics. That was fine. That was okay. He was about to do worse when he got a hold of Zayn, anyway.

Rolling his eyes at the eerie sounds the TV was making—some documentary about antient aliens coming to Earth and abducting people—Liam made his way to the stairs, taking them two at a time and heading towards Zayn’s room. When he entered, Zayn’s back was to the door and he was shifting through something on top of his dresser.

Liam crossed the room, reaching out to touch Zayn’s shoulder. The minute Liam made contact, Zayn jolted violently, jumping at Liam’s unexpected presence. He swung around, a book in hand—a fucking hard back, where did he even pick that up from?!?—and began swinging it at Liam.

“Don’t touch me, foul beast!” Zayn shouted, waking Liam in the shoulder with the book again.

Liam threw his hands up, yelling, “Zayn! Zayn, stop! It’s just me, fuck, stop!” Liam curse again as Zayn paused in his assault.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Liam. I thought you were, like, a ghost or something,” Zayn mumbled. He ducked his head, a pink hue taking over his cheeks.

Liam stared at him for a moment because—was he serious? “You thought I was…a ghost,” Liam said slowly. “A ghost,” he repeated, just to make sure he was hearing this shit correctly.

“Yeah—”

“Zayn you told me you thought you were being robbed!” Zayn winced a little, still not meeting Liam’s eyes. “I told you to call the cops!”

Zayn crinkled his nose, focusing a frown at the ground as he obviously worked through his thoughts. After a moment, he looked up to meet Liam’s eyes with a sheepish grin. “I realized after I said it that saying my house was haunted sounded kinda dumb. That it made me sound like a scaredey-cat. But, um, being afraid of burglars is totally reasonable and much less pathetic, so when the idea struck I went with it.”

Liam stared at him for a beat. And then another. One more, just for good measure, before—

“Zayn, you’re such an idiot.” Liam had meant to sound stern, disapproving even. But instead, his voice had come out incredibly fond and sweet. Goddamn but was he in love with this idiotic man.

“Fuck, I know, Liam, and I’m so sorry. I didn’t—”

But Liam did let him finished, too relieved at the fact that Zayn was safe and he was blushing that adorable color that Liam found so damn endearing.

So, really, Zayn left him no option except for him to surge forward and capture Zayn’s still moving lips under his own, cutting off whatever embarrassed apology Zayn was in the middle of.

Zayn stiffened, making a low, surprised noise before going completely lax in Liam’s arms, pushing himself into Liam’s space and melting into the kiss. Liam heard himself make a happy noise in his own throat, before tilting his head to deepen the kiss. He lingered for a moment longer, trying to soak up as much of Zayn as he could, before pulling back with a final peck.

“You’re an idiot, and yet here I am, hopelessly in love with you anyway,” Liam murmured, his voice low and warm and incredibly fond.

“You’re in love with me?” Zayn gasped, his wide eyes burning into Liam’s.

Liam laughed in response, leaning forward to nuzzle his nose against Zayn’s. “Yeah. Why do you think I raced all the way across town the minute you said your house was haunted?”

It was Zayn’s turn to laugh, his breath fanning across Liam’s face and making Liam’s own grin impossibly wide. “You came because I said I was being robbed.”

Liam shrugged. “Semantics.”

They stood there for a moment, wrapped in each other’s arms and soaking up each other’s warmth, before Zayn whispered, “I still think my house is haunted. Liam, there were so many creepy noises.”

Liam reared back, a loud and obnoxious laugh bursting out of him. He started laughing so hard he was forced to lean over, too afraid he’d accidentally throw himself backwards if he didn’t.

He didn’t see Zayn’s pout from his bent position, but he could hear it in his voice when he said, “Liam I’m being serious! Those noises don’t just make themselves!”

Maybe when Liam caught his breath, he’d be able to tell Zayn his downstairs TV was still on and that was most likely the cause of all those noises.

#THANK YOU!!!! I'M VERY HAPPY YOU LIKE MY DRABBLES!!! #I'm very sorry for the delay in this one #and the delay that's probably going to come before the next five :/ #but i hope this can tide y'all over for a while!! #ziam #ziam fic #fics #ask prompt #my writing

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 137

Chapter Summary -   Tom and Danielle go to the premiere of Early Man.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

Copyright for the photo is the owners, not mine. All image rights belong to their owners

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @wolfsmom1

‘Just stay close to Tom when you are together and when he goes to sign a few things, I will stay close to you, alright?’ Luke instructed as he tried to reassure Danielle, who was nodding nervously. ‘This is a small event, it will be fine, a lot of smiling and a few photos, you will be fine.’

‘You rarely smile.’

‘I am a nobody in the background.’ He pointed out.

‘No, you’re not, you have your own fan pages and everything.’

‘We will not reference them.’ Luke stated firmly, causing Danielle and Tom to laugh slightly. ‘You just need to not rise to them and remain calm. Be prepared for anything.’

‘Like mentions of certain people?’

‘Amongst other things. I don’t need to tell you to not give them anything, they want to make you something interesting. If you don’t give it to them, they get bored easily, but that will not be tonight. You are, after all, going on your first official outing together. You will also be accused of being pregnant, just ignore it.’

‘I would do well to hide it in this dress.’ Danielle laughed, looking down at the small belt around her waist.

‘Yes, it is not for the expectant mother.’ Luke chuckled. ‘It is, as you have done so before, a wonderful and classy ensemble and as before, you look very much the part.’

Danielle looked at him and smiled. ‘You’ll have me blushing and ruining my makeup if you are not careful, Luke, don’t be bold.’

Tom looked at her and smiled proudly as she tried to brush off the compliment with a joke. Danielle could never take a compliment and he loved seeing her try and dismiss it. ‘The car will be here in a moment.’

‘Okay.’ Danielle nodded, inhaling deeply, rubbing her hands together.

Tom instinctively put his hand on hers, noticing how clammy it was. ‘It’ll be alright.’ He soothed. ‘I want you to do something for me, Elle.’ She looked at him worriedly. ‘Actually, I want you to do two things, we will start with the first question and go from there. Do you truly want to do this?’ For a moment, Danielle’s mind told her that this was Tom’s way of telling her he had changed his mind and that he did not want her there with him, something he caught immediately. ‘No, stop that, I am not asking for any reason other than I want you to answer me honestly. Please, tell me truthfully Elle, do you want to do this?’

‘Yes.’ Her answer was hardly a whisper but she nodded as she spoke.

‘Okay, I will have my hand in yours or my arm around you for a lot of it. If you are finding it too much, I want you to squeeze my hand tightly twice, or tap my back twice with your finger, alright. If you do that, I will have Luke bring you inside and away from everything, or if I am too busy, tell Luke, okay?’ Danielle swallowed and nodded. ‘Don’t push yourself too far for me. Do what feels right for you.’

‘But you….’

‘This isn’t about me, not this part. Today is about this movie, the movie I am in, yes, but you, your happiness and comfort are not and will not be dictated to by this. If you feel like you need to get into the theatre and away from everything, I would never be anything but accepting of that. I will never scoff at or dismiss your feelings about that. I have to stand in front of those cameras, you do not.’ He stated, looking directly into her eyes. ‘I know this is terrifying and like nothing any normal person should have to endure.’ There was a knock on the door, causing Danielle to look at it cautiously. ‘We better go.’

‘Where are the dogs?’ Luke asked, looking around, only then noting the severe lack of canines.

‘We put them into the kennels for the evening, with a premiere, you know how you can get delayed. Bobby is only able to hold it six hours and that’s at night when he’s asleep, if we get any bit delayed he will go back in his training, this way, he’s looked after fine and we can do as we please knowing that.’ Tom explained.

‘Good plan.’ Luke acknowledged.

They got into the car and drove through London, watching the streets go by, all the time, Danielle just focused out the window. It was Luke that noticed her breathing increasing first, and gave Tom a warning glance. Tom took her hand in his again, noting she went from being clammy to having actually sweaty palms. She looked at him apologetically but Tom simply smiled lovingly back. ‘You’ll be alright.’

‘How do you do this?’ She asked.

‘It’s my job.’

‘Rather you than me.’

‘You get used to it.’ She said nothing in return.

When they arrived, the car came to a halt and Tom looked at Danielle, who was clearly forcing herself to remain calm, with limited success. Her nostrils were flared and her eyes showed her fear but she inhaled deeply and nodded her head slightly. Tom exited the car first to the sound of women shouting his name but a moment later he turned and extended his hand to Danielle, who took another deep breath and stepped out after him. There were a few different noises that caught her attention, a gasp or two and a few more shouts from the fans but she focused on looking only at Tom, who was giving her the most loving and supportive smile. He put his arm around her waist as soon as she stood straight, supporting her as she tried to adjust to what was going on around her. There were people yelling both of their names, the photographers were all desperate to get their photos. This was their first time seeing the pair at an event together, and they were adamant to get their money’s worth. Tom kept his gentle hand on Danielle and urged her forward towards the carpet, Luke taking up the rear.

When they got towards the fans, Tom turned and looked at Danielle again, but she just smiled. ‘Will you be alright?’ he asked quietly.

‘I’ll be fine.’ She assured him with a sincere nod.

Tom took off his glasses and put them in his pocket. ‘I will be back in a short time, just relax, alright?’ She nodded and smiled slightly, taking a slight step more towards Luke before watching Tom leave.

‘You’re doing alright.’ Luke reassured her.

‘Who in their right mind elects to do this for a living.’ Danielle commented out of the side of her mouth, ‘It’s a circus.’

‘Tom does this.’

‘Once a blue moon, people do this as their everyday lives, it’s bonkers.’ She whispered, ensuring no cameras could see her lips move.

‘I know, there’s a reason I have a certain calibre of person as my clientele.’

‘I don’t blame you.’ Danielle commented, earning a chuckle from Luke.

Tom kept an eye on Danielle as he did photographs and autographs, a few of his fans saying to tell her that they loved her coat or other such things, Tom smiling and thanking them for their kind words as he posed for pictures and whatnot.

When he was finally done, he turned to see Luke coming towards him. ‘Where’s Elle?’ He asked quietly.

‘Inside with Redmayne's wife.’ Luke assured him. ‘You, however, need to go over to the rest of the cast.’ He ushered Tom along.

‘Fine.’ Tom was unhappy to have to ignore some fans, but with Danielle waiting for him to do what was needed, he did as required.

After another ten minutes or so of photos and talking, he walked into the cinema and looked around. He found Danielle in a far corner, speaking with Hannah, the pair clearly laughing at something. He walked over immediately. ‘Are you ladies okay?’

‘Yes, just laughing at how we both ended up with two men with the career they have when we are not inclined to enjoy such attention.’ Danielle laughed as Hannah joined in.

‘I think we need to start something of a club.’ Hannah added. ‘Who else is a member?’

‘Sophie, she’d be here too.’ Danielle commented. ‘Why do we put up with ye?’ She smiled playfully at Tom who was relieved to see her be jestful of the whole situation.

‘I better go over to my husband. I need to sit down and he will take forever if I go in before him.’ Hannah declared, saying her goodbyes and leaving.

‘How are you?’ Tom asked immediately after she left.

‘I’m fine, that is….how are you not overwhelmed, everyone was screaming your name.’

‘I block a lot of it out.’

‘I don’t know how you do it.’

‘Are you alright though?’

‘Yes.’ She nodded. ‘I was scared but I did not fuck up.’

‘That is something, I suppose.’ Tom jested, putting his arm around her and gently guiding her to where they were required to go. ‘Let’s see what you think of this.’

Tom watched as Danielle laughed at the movie, but mostly, she just looked at him when Lord Nooth spoke and giggled, enjoying his accent as the character as well as the silliness of it all. Tom watched her reactions and the way she looked at him, as well as thought about how she had been with the situation in its entirety. When the movie was done they sat for another minute.

‘Well?’

‘I don’t think you ever had as much fun with a character.’ Danielle laughed.

‘I must confess, it was an incredibly fun time.’ He chuckled. ‘You liked it?’ She nodded. ‘Good.’

Danielle was unsure why she even did it, she knew there were others around but at that moment, she didn’t care, she leant over and gave Tom a chaste kiss. For his part, Tom was slightly shocked, having never thought she would do such a thing. ‘Thank you.’

‘What for?’

‘Sharing this with me.’

Tom’s brows furrowed. ‘I think you have it the wrong way around.’

‘I disagree.’ She smiled. ‘So, what is next?’

‘Afterparty.’ He grinned.

‘Which entails?’

‘Food and drinks.’ Tom smiled cheekily.

‘You are going to have a few whiskeys and get frisky aren’t you?’

‘Yes to the whiskey, but not here for the amorousness, that is for as soon as we get home, I may be a little amorous then.’ He grinned.

‘Luke will appreciate that.’ Danielle smiled.

‘Yes, he will.’ They looked to the side to see Luke giving them a warning glare, both looking at him as innocently as they could but failing.

#tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fic #i hate you i love you #wolfpawn #chapter 137

[spidercakes]

Tony stark is a well known mob boss and he meets and falls in love with Baker! Peter parker

Oh, I love the trend of mob boss!Tony and baker!Peter in this fandom :)

*

Peter fiddles with his apron nervously, unsure of himself as Tony takes a bite of one of the cannolis that he made. Its not really that he doubts his skill as a baker, he knows he’s good at it actually, its just that Tony is Italian so he has more of an expertise in Italian food. Which Peter knows because Tony has told him. Also, apparently he sucks at cooking and despite being his grandfather’s favorite he was routinely called a disappointment over his lack of skills in the kitchen. Apparently that was the only time he was ever insulted by his grandfather, which seemed to be a rare thing because the man was supposedly difficult to please, but still.

He lets out a breath of air that he hadn’t known he’d been holding when Tony all but shoves the rest of it into his mouth. “That’s fucking good,” he says around the food and Peter smiles.

“You’re not just saying that, are you?” he asks and Tony snorts.

“When have you known me to lie?” he asks and right, good point. Tony is a pretty blunt person, sometimes a little too blunt for his own good. 

“Okay, good point,” he says as Tony eats another cannoli. Well, the good news is that his cannolis don’t taste like ass according to at least one actual Italian.

“You have any more of these?” Tony asks, gesturing to the now empty plate.

Peter smiles, “I might have some more in the back,” he says. “Just for you,” he adds, a little unsure of himself but Tony looks enthusiastic about it or maybe he just wants the pastries…

“Earth to Peter,” Tony says, raising an eyebrow and Peter snaps to because right, the cannolis. He lets out a nervous laugh and disappears into the back to grab the rest of the pastries, stuffing them all into a box and bringing them back out.

“Um. Here,” he says, a little flustered and he really shouldn’t be by now. He’s used to how attractive Tony is but he always feels a little caught off guard with it. Especially when he smiles like he does now.

“What do I owe you?” he asks and Peter shakes his head.

“Oh, those were a test recipe so nothing. I was going to probably give them to my roommate if you didn’t like them anyway.” Ned’s a bit of a human dumpster and frankly so is MJ. If Tony didn’t like them one of the two of them probably would have eaten them on account of they’re food and they both like food in any form.

“You saying you made them just for me?” Tony asks and Peter can’t tell if its flirtatious or just part of Tony’s overly large personality.

“I mean. Kind of. I wanted an opinion from someone who’s actually Italian,” he says. Or at least the kind of Italian that grew up with the cuisine, unlike most of the Italians he happens to know.

“And here I thought it was because you liked me,” Tony says, pouting.

Peter laughs, “well, and also that. I could have asked that little Italian grandmother but I think she would have cussed me out in Italian,” he says.

Tony lets out a sharp laugh, “oh, you only think that because you don’t know what she’s saying half the time. Trust me, she wouldn’t curse you out she just looks grumpy all the time,” he says.

“Wait, what does she say?” he asks, ignoring how amused Tony looks because he has a need to know.

“All flattering things, I promise,” Tony tells him, dark eyes glittering.

“Aw come on, Mr. Stark tell me what she says!” He leans forward with interest and for a moment he swears he sees a bit of lust on Tony’s features but it disappears too fast for him to properly identify it.

For a moment he thinks Tony might tell him but instead he gives Peter a quick once over. “You have plans for tonight?” he asks.

The sharp change in subject confuses Peter for a moment but he shakes his head. “No, not really. I mean, probably petting my cat and refusing to make baked goods for Ned. He knows I make them all day and if he wants a pie at 3 am he can make his own pie.”

Tony laughs a little, grinning. “Great. How about dinner with me?” he asks and for a moment Peter is thrown because why would Tony want to go to dinner with him? Tony’s a bit, well a lot, out of his league.

“Uh, yeah, okay, sure. Sounds good,” he sputters out, unsure how to handle this and wait, did he seriously just agree to go out with someone who asked him out at work? And how’d Tony make that not skeevy?

*

Peter really doesn’t know how he gets himself into these types of situations but god he so doesn’t regret it. Tony pets up and down his sides and yeah, they’re in a restraint but they’re in a private room so its not like Peter has to worry about much, or at least that’s what he tells himself as he leans in and kisses Tony.

“So pretty for me,” Tony murmurs and Peter shivers at the praise.

“I barely changed out of my work clothes,” he says. Like Tony isn’t dressed so much better than him in that delicious suit of his.

“Doesn’t matter,” Tony tells him, “you’d look good not matter what you wore. Besides, pretty little thing like you in my lap, I figure I should count my blessings,” he murmurs as he leans in and kisses him again.

Peter wraps his arms around Tony’s neck, pressing himself into him as Tony’s hands find their way to his hips. This is ridiculous, totally ridiculous Peter thinks, sitting in some guy’s lap in a restaurant and making out with him. But then Tony could probably talk him into just about anything and he’d go along with it. When he finally pulls away Tony gives him a lightly disapproving look and Peter rolls his eyes at him. “Don’t give me that look, you don’t know what I’ve got planned,” he says and it piques Tony’s interest enough for him to pay attention. “Please tell me you have a house with a bed,” he says and Tony laughs.

“Of course I do, baby. What do you-” he’d continue but someone walks in and Peter jumps, letting out a small squeak of embarrassment as he turns around. He finds an irritated red head glaring at Tony in particular, hands on her hips.

“Tony Stark, stop trying to bang the baker in a restaurant and answer your damn phone. We’ve got business to deal with,” she tells him.

“Business can wait until tomorrow,” he tells her, hands on Peter’s hips tightening.

“Um,” Peter says, unsure what to do here.

Tony pets his side softly, “don’t worry about her, sweetheart she’s just my assistant,” he murmurs.

“Oh you are pushing your luck,” the red head tells him.

Tony doesn’t look worried and Peter thinks maybe he should. “Tomorrow, Pep. And don’t bother me before noon,” he says.

The red head glares at him for a few more moments before she rolls her eyes. “Don’t bitch when this blows up in your face,” she tells him but she leaves them alone. Peter sags a little in relief and Tony laughs.

“What baby, shy all of the sudden?” he asks. Yeah, Tony has no shame and Peter feels like maybe he should have a little shame.

*

When Peter wakes up in the morning Tony is gone but he left a note telling him to find him in his office. He also finds several missed calls on his phone from Ned so he calls him back, figuring he should let him know that he’s not dead or anything. Ned answers right away and lets out a relieved sigh, “Peter what the fuck,” he says in place of a greeting.

Peter grins, “sorry I didn’t call, I um. Went on a date and it went well,” he says, letting Ned draw his own conclusions.

Ned snickers into the phone, “oh, with anyone I know?” he jokes.

“Not unless you know a Tony Stark,” he says, not anticipating Ned choking into the receiver.

“You went on a date with who?” he asks and Peter frowns.

“Um. Tony Stark? Is that relevant?”

“Relevant? Oh my god, oh my- MJ! You gotta come hear this shit!” he yells, phone obviously away from his face because he sounds a bit far away despite the increased volume of voice.

“What?” he hears MJ mumble in the background.

“Tell her who you just slept with,” Ned says.

Peter rolls his eyes, “Tony Stark and I don’t know why you think that means something to you,” he says.

MJ starts laughing and Ned lets out a long sigh. “Bro, you totally just fucked New York’s most feared mob boss and your stupid ass didn’t even know because I guess you never watch or read the god damn news.”

“There is no way that’s true,” Peter says. He reads the news. Sometimes. Its been awhile but he’s been busy starting a small business, he has to get up early to bake and stuff and has it really been that long since he’s read a news article?

“Holy shit, only Peter,” MJ says. “I will give you this, he’s at least hot.” He decides now is a good time to hang up and get out of bed. He scoops Tony’s discarded shirt off the floor and throws it on before he carefully walks over to the door and cautiously sticks his head out of it, looking down the hallway.

“Office is down the hall to the left,” someone tells him and Peter lets out a surprised squeak. He turns and finds a tall pudgy guy standing by the door in the opposite direction he first looked in. “Relax, this so isn’t the most compromising position I’ve found Tony in. Technically he’s not even here, which is a real treat all things considered. I’m Happy, I already know you’re Peter, and boss doesn’t like to be kept waiting so go on, get out of here,” he says.

Peter has no fucking clue what to make of any of that so he decides to just follow instructions and scampers his way down the hall and to the left, finding the office easy enough after that. He can hear Tony talking in it and the door is open so there’s that. He considers maybe making a run for it but Tony spots him and smiles and oh, right, that’s how Peter ended up here.

“Peter, hey baby. Come here,” Tony says and Peter’s stupid body betrays him and walks over, perching in his lap without a second thought. “How’d you sleep,” he murmurs, kissing the space underneath his jaw.

Peter huffs, “well, fine technically. Ned called like seven million times but I called him back so he knows I’m not dead and apparently you’re a mob boss?” he asks more than states. Tony looks confused but not more than the red head Peter had seen yesterday.

“Your teeny bopper baker doesn’t even know who you are?” she asks, throwing up her hands. “I quit! I’ve had enough of this, I can go work for some rich CEO who is a lot less troublesome than you!” she says, walking out.

“He’s twenty five!” Tony calls after her. “Teeny bopper my ass,” he mumbles.

Peter sits there, unsure what the hell just happened and not quite awake enough to process it. “Um. Sorry your assistant quit on you,” he says but Tony laughs.

“Nah, she’ll be back. She’s put up with worse and she used to work for Justin Hammer, there’s no way she’s willing to do that twice,” he says. “Did you really not recognize me?” Peter shakes his head. “Wow, that’s a first in… well, a long time. No wonder you weren’t scared of me when I walked in. I assumed you were brave.”

“No, apparently just a dumb bitch who doesn’t read the news,” he says. “I’ve been busy with the bakery so like. In my defense I feel like I have a good excuse.”

Tony considers him for a moment, hand settled on his thigh and Peter knows he should just run off, get out of dodge while he can but he stays put. “You okay with this, then?” he asks, eyebrow raising.

Not really, but instead of saying that he says, “well I can’t unfuck you so I guess so.”

Thankfully Tony laughs at that. “Good. Because if you want I’ll take care of you for the rest of your life,” he murmurs. Peter feels like he should be put off by that but he knows Tony, he knows people who work with Tony- apparently underlings or minions of whatever the hell the mob calls them- and they all seem to like him too.

And Peter’s always wanted to be taken care of. “Okay,” he says, sure that whatever he’s just signed on for he won’t regret it.

#tony stark x peter parker #starker #alternate universe #fanfiction

[mor-beck-more-problems]

A Brainful Process || Morgan &Rio

@3starsquinn

Cemetery field trip!

(Contains: zombie and animal gore)

Cemeteries were safer to visit in Morgan’s idle house than the woods. In cemeteries, most of the company was resting six feet under, and those that weren’t had a tendency to wave at Morgan as she walked by, content to leave her alone, one still soul to another. Some even warned her when it was better to turn back home. There’s a girl with the stake that comes by around now, a ghost might say. Or, we don’t like you that much. Cemeteries were safer, yes, and yet somehow tonight Morgan still found herself tackled to the ground, wrestling with a one legged zombie who, for all her wild hunger, really knew how to use her strength to her advantage. “Uh--a little help, maybe?” She called, appealing to one of the spirits nearby. “I don’t know what you expect me to do about it,” the old man said, and drifted off to watch her struggle somewhere else. “Okay, okay, ok--ow!” The zombie woman bit into her shoulder, moaning with hunger. Morgan kicked, trying to knock her off balance enough to shift the weight between them like Mina had taught her, but it was a lot harder when the opponent didn’t have much of a mind for sensing pain. Morgan set her jaw and lashed out to struggle with the zombie woman again. “We got this,” she grunted. “You’re gonna be fine, you just gotta stop trying to eat me!”

Cemeteries had scared Orion far before he knew ghosts and spirits existed. He supposed he always knew they were real. Growing up learning about werewolves and Fae made pretty much anything believable. If his parents had bothered telling him about Santa, Rio might still think he was real. But he had always thought of ghosts in the more creepypasta YouTube sense. That they haunted others. They were crazy stories that made things colder and flipped on lights. Not the kind that possessed other humans and drained their life force. But ever since Rio had learned about the Dybbuks and other evil spirits, Rio hadn’t been able to get them off his mind. Rio began pulling books about ghosts and spirits. The more he read, the more intrigued he became with some of the accounts of sightings. Winston and Ricky must have really gotten to Rio. Without even realizing it, on his way home that night he was taking a detour and heading towards the cemetery. For no other reason than pure stupidity, if Rio had to guess. Once he was within range however, he started hearing voices. The hairs on his arms stood straight up and he immediately began shaking. At least, until he realized that the voices weren’t ghosts or spirits but a person. A person that sounded like they were in danger. Rio picked up his pace, beginning to job before breaking into a sprint towards the cemetery, stopping only when he finally spotted the source of the voice, a woman being attacked by another. “Hey!” Rio yelled, trying to sound more dangerous than he actually was, “Let her go!” Rio began moving towards the two slowly, freezing when he finally realized who the victim of the evening was, “Professor?”

The sound of another voice made Morgan’s dead body go stiff. Fuck. The last thing she needed was human company, or some hunter about to stumble upon a two-for-one deal. “W-we’re fine!” She grunted, finally grappling the zombie woman to the ground and pinning her down. “She’s--she’s just---uh--” Morgan struggled for a good lie. The woman was in literal pieces, her skin sagging off her bones and pockets of bare muscle spreading bursts of dark, grotesque color. And the person was coming closer. “Having an attack! Nothing to see here--Rio?”

Morgan saw him through the edge of her vision and didn’t know whether to be relieved or agitated. She hadn’t told Rio the ‘sudden loss in her family’ that explained away two weeks worth of missed classes had been her own. She hadn’t told any of her students. Funny enough, that still wasn’t a conversation she felt like having. But there wasn’t going to be any fooling him. He was too much of a supernatural scholar to not see the obvious, at least when it came to the woman thrashing and groaning under her. “Hey!” She said brightly, panic tight in her smile. “How weird and amazing to run into you here! I’m fine, she’s fine, we’re both fine right now, completely. But you should really stay back and um, maybe grab some rope? And some fresh brains?” She was convinced, maybe falsely, that she had enough confidence to sell everything she was saying without the need for questions. Then the zombie woman rocked against her weight and threw her off, driven by the pull of fresh meat.

For a long moment, Orion just stood from a distance and stared at Morgan and the woman clawing at her. This didn’t make any sense. Why was Morgan being so casual right now? Was this some sort of fever dream brought on by the lack of sleep? “Uh” Rio hummed, drawing it out for far longer than any of them needed. “Both fine. Right.” He realized, maybe many beats too late, that he had still not moved from his spot. Until now, he had stared at the sight as if it was a horror scene in a movie. “Brains?” Rio asked, touching at his head instinctively before realizing that Morgan probably had a rope and brains here. Because this was a zombie. A zombie. A ZOMBIE? It took this long for the fear to finally rush into Rio’s body and he immediately started fidgeting, the usual skin crawling feeling worming its way through his body. “Oh my god. A zombie! I’ve never met a zombie! I’m going to do something now.” Rio spoke aloud, as if that was going to finally motivate his body to follow the commands. Apparently it worked, his feet finally inching across the grass and towards the two. “What do you want me to do with these things once I have them?”

Morgan’s thin smile fractured with dismay. As much as she was relieved Rio wasn’t some guns a blazing hunter trying to get more goo for their collection. But she didn’t know if this was really the time for scholarly curiosity either. Maybe more like run and take action time. Move faster NOW time. Morgan dove for the zombie again, tackling her to the ground and pressing down with all her weight. She looked up at Rio, pleading for his help. She could keep the zombie pinned down for now, but she wouldn’t be able to help the dead woman with just her hands alone. And, shit--of course Rio wouldn’t have anything on him. He wasn’t Kaden, for crying out loud. Morgan looked around them, mind racing to keep up, to stay ahead of any panic. Maybe this was the time for scholarly curiosity. “The plan!” She said, forcing as much confidence into her bright voice as possible. “The plan is you...find something that will do instead of rope. Um...your belt! And uuh…” She looked around her with dismay. “My belt!” It was a lot daintier, meant for her small waist as decoration rather than supporting any weight. “And we are going to bind the zombie as tightly as we can. Because, fun fact: zombies have a much higher pain threshold than humans! Whatever would hurt for you won’t hurt for them, so that’s not something to worry about when they’re...like this.” She swallowed thickly and forced another smile as the zombie rocked and struggled under her. “When her limbes are secure, we’ll get her some of the food from my bag--” what was supposed to have been her lunch, “--and give her some of that. And then...more, probaby. From...somewhere else. I’m not...actually sure from where yet, but--fun zombie fact 2: decomposition and ‘rabid’ behavior is a symptom of starvation and not, necessarily, the zombie’s natural state! With sustainable access to food, your average zombie isn’t much different than a human, by outward appearances anyway.” Now if they could work on this together without Rio wondering too hard about how she knew all this, it might actually be easy. Or at least, not hard.

Okay, obviously it was clear that Morgan was preoccupied right now. Trying to hold back the woman- er uh the zombie from munching on either of them. Ignoring the swelling excitement as well as the far more palpable fear that was building inside of him, Orion tried to put aside any jitters and listen to Morgan’s instructions. He was lucky he had worn jeans today instead of the usual joggers or track pants, and that he was embarrassingly skinny for his age and height, so any pair of jeans that he wore usually required a belt. He pulled the belt free, hooking his pinky around a belt loop to avoid his jeans dropping. God, that would be embarrassing. “Okay uh- my belt is good. And your belt is uh- still attached to you.” Rio called, still standing a few feet back. He was not incredibly comfortable with the idea of undoing his teacher’s belt, but he supposed there were… strange circumstances.

“This is great!” Rio tried remaining positive, his voice cracking at the end of his sentence. Although Rio greatly appreciated the information on Zombies, a species he had not done much study on. He was familiar with a couple of culture’s depiction of zombies in their own lore, but from what Morgan was describing, they differed quite a bit. “I am very happy to help and I am totally going to keep my cool during this time.” Rio said aloud, probably trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince Morgan. He slowly inched towards them, holding his arms out with his belt gripped tightly in both hands. “Do uh- you want me to do this? Or you? Is the whole thing about a zombie bite still true?”

Jeepers, this was going to be tricky. The zombie woman was beginning to thrash, dragging her and Morgan across the ground inch by inch. The closer Rio got, the more she wriggled her head, gnashing her rotting teeth. Morgan shifted position, pressing her knee down into the woman’s back. This was really not very seemly, but she couldn’t think of another way that would keep the zombie from hurting anyone long enough to feed properly. “We got this, we got this,” she murmured, still racing for ideas. “We got this!” She declared. “You are doing a great job, Rio! Just grab her legs and I’ll get the arms, and we’ll bind them up together. No worries!” She grabbed one of the zombie’s arms, then the other, wrestling against the woman’s frustration. “But, uh, yeah, about the bite. Fun fact, that’s--fuck!” The zombie woman’s teeth bit into her hand, grazing the cuff she used to hide her real scar. Morgan finished wrangling the arms with a grimace and whipped off her belt to fasten her arms together so the wrists would come more easily. “The bite thing is real,” she said, looking down at the wound in her hand. “But don’t freak out, Rio, okay? It doesn’t matter if she bites me, it’s you I’m worried about. Uh, get her wrists and ankles together?”

Orion could do this. He could totally do this. He did not love the idea of grabbing onto this woman, zombie or no. But Morgan seemed convinced that she would not feel the pain and that they were not going to harm her. That was what Rio wanted right? What was some tying and gagging if it meant helping her and others not get hurt? That was totally something that Rio could get behind. Grabbing onto her legs was surprisingly easy. Hunter strength and all made wrangling the woman’s legs surprisingly easy. At least, until the zombie bit Morgan. Rio dropped the legs immediately and began screaming his head off. At that moment, he wasn’t sure what was happening. Would Morgan turn into a zombie? How fast was the process? Was there something he could do to stop it? Rio had seen some zombie shows. How they amputated the body part that had been bitten to stop the spread. Even the idea made Rio light headed. He definitely couldn’t do that. Finally, Rio contained himself again, grappling the legs again and holding them. What the heck did Morgan mean that she wasn’t worried about herself? Was she immune to the bite somehow? “I- I don’t- uhhhhh” Rio’s brain broke for a moment, but he forced himself out of the slump. Grabbing onto the woman’s wrists and easily pulling them back to meet the ankles and wrapping his belt around them. “Oh god- Oh god. I hate this. I’m really bad at this. I think I’m going to puke. Are you okay???”

“Rio! You cannot puke on this woman!” Morgan shrieked. Oh dear. This wasn’t calm. This was the opposite of calm. Could she breathe? Was that ever going to work again? She missed the time when all she had to do was tell herself to breathe and her body would start to right itself back into something right and normal. But the quiet was too great and there was too much happening at once. “I’m fine! I’m not even bleeding!” Mostly because she didn’t have any circulation. “Just--just hold her steady and don’t turn into a zombie!” She scrambled over to her bag and prised open a tupperware full of brains, a blend, as it happened, but even a smidgen of person in there probably wasn’t going to get this woman back to normal. They’d have to take her somewhere better, or get better to her. Morgan stuck the tupperware under the woman’s nose and watched, grimacing, as she moaned and wrangled herself closer to fit as much of it in her mouth as possible. Morgan sat back and deflated. That would keep her busy for, what, five minutes? “I’m sorry,” she said. “I am fine though. I’m…” Morgan shook her head and sid off the cuff, showing Rio her old scar, a perfect oval in the shape of Remmy’s mouth. “I’m already bitten and dead, Rio. Say, you didn’t happen to bring a car here, did you?”

“I’m not going to puke on her!” Orion yelled back, unsure why he was even still yelling. Stress. He totally blamed stress. He needed to calm down. Take a chill pill or something. That was all thrown out the window when Morgan tried to reassure him by letting him know that she wasn’t bleeding. “How are you not bleeding?” Rio was right back to freaking out now. But Morgan seemed more together than Rio was. She was in the right state of mind to fish out something from her bag and give it to the tied up woman. “Is that… brains?” Rio asked, the most calm he had been since showing up here. He examined the mush curiously. Everything seemingly clicked into place when Morgan showed off what looked like an old, already healed scar. She was dead? “You’re… a zombie?” Rio muttered aloud, needing to hear the words to actually begin processing it. A moment of fear passed through him as he considered that Rio had just willingly walked into being part of their midnight snack. But he pushed the thought away quickly. That couldn’t be. This was his professor. They had talked about books and the supernatural together. “Woah. You’re nothing like the old Haitian story of zombies.” His head tilted curiously as he examined his teacher to try to pick out any defining details. By all accounts, she looked human to him. “Hmm… interesting.” Rio nodded, and then grimaced at the next question, “About that… I don’t really have a car right now. It belongs to my parents and I’m not really talking to them right now and- y’know what? It’s a whole thing. Clearly we have other things going on right now. Maybe I can call my friend Blanche. Or one of my roommates! Maybe they can help us? Or uh… Where are we taking her anyways?”

“Wow, kid, that’s really one heck of a compliment,” Morgan deadpanned. “But...yes. I got hurt really bad and I died. Two months ago now. That’s why I missed so much school towards the end of the semester. I died, Rio.” She looked down at the woman gnashing her teeth at the brain bits in the tupperware. “But I have people who help take care of me. I can stay fed easily. I have a home. I have a girlfriend that loves me. I even have magic pills for my new zombie physiology that help manage all the depression I’ve got over dying. I don’t know which of those this woman is missing, but whatever it is, she’s still a person. She’s as much of a person as I am. Does that make sense?” She looked at him earnestly. Rio was a good kid. Rio didn’t believe in hurting people. He had to get it. Maybe it was hard to see the woman in her own right. Even Morgan couldn’t do that. She didn’t know her name or if she was happy before she died or how long she had been dragging herself out of bed. She could only see her pain. She had to be in so much pain to have sunk this far. The days of starving had to have been excruciating. With this kind of decay, maybe it was even weeks. “I was thinking of getting her to the butcher’s, but I don’t know if their stock will be enough for her. It’s worth a shot, if we can keep her from getting noticed. “Unless you wanna do a run? You got venmo, Rio?” She asked. The brains were almost gone, and of the two of them, Rio was the one most in danger. And this wasn’t his problem, now that she was mostly subdued. “You don’t have to, you know. I can take this from here.”

Okay, so maybe that wasn’t the best thing to say at this moment. Clearly, Orion had no idea what he was doing. He had grown up knowing about the supernatural. He loved learning about them and yet despite this he still had just barely scratched the surface. He knew nothing about Zombies, or real zombies at least. “Wow. I’m uh- sorry? That doesn’t sound like a good thing. But you don’t look dead.” Rio tried, he didn’t think that helped redeem him. “Okay that was probably a bad thing to say too. But despite all that… I’m really glad that you have a good support system, y’know? That must have been a really difficult thing to go through and… well I’m really glad things seem okay now. At least, hopefully everything’s okay.” And Morgan seemed dead set on helping this woman right now. And though the woman tied up seemed a little… murdery right now, Rio believed that with some help she could end up like Morgan seemed now. Completely put together. “I believe you. And I’m in. Let’s help her. Uh- I can run somewhere and get stuff… I don’t know what to get. But tell me and I’ll figure something out.”

“Well, you can tell that to my necrosis whenever I wait too long to eat my wheaties.” Morgan mumbled. You can test my pulse too, if you want.” She held out her hand, the bite standing out as a heavy shadow on her pale skin. “And no, you don’t need to be sorry--” But Rio was. He was just a kid doing his best with problems way bigger than himself. “But thank you. I know you mean it well.” She stared at the woman writhing in front of them again. She could see, too clearly now, what hunters did. A raving thing, a disaster they needed to triage before it got out of hand, a monster… “I can venmo you. A hundred dollars so should be able to buy out the brains at the butcher shop, whatever other weird organs they’ve got. That’s a start.” And while he was out she could maybe scrounge up a deer. They wandered through near dusk in little clusters, and it was the time of year when fauns were left to hide in the tall grass while mothers hunted. If she was quick and lucky, she’d be able to nab one for this woman to have. And maybe then, maybe if they were lucky, she could be okay. Morgan wrenched a hand through her hair and took out her phone to send the money over.

Orion laughed, happy that despite the horrible events that had clearly befallen his teacher without him even knowing about it, she could maintain some level of humor. “Don’t worry. I believe you. It’s uh- definitely not my first rodeo with the supernatural.” Even if he didn’t quite understand, he did believe. “Um right. I got it. Give me…” Rio paused, checking his phone for the time, “Twenty minutes. I’ll be back as soon as possible.”

One of the good things about being a hunter? Superhuman endurance. Rio was definitely not in shape, but he could run for a while without having to stop. From here, he was pretty sure that it would be more efficient to get a car. If he could run home and borrow Ricky’s truck then he could get to the butcher shop and back without too much trouble. So he ran towards their house as fast as he possibly could, not letting anything distract him.

It worried Morgan how much animals still trusted her. The faun was too scared of the moaning woman six yards ahead to move. Morgan was able to settle down near it, still as death, and when it came over to sniff her out of curiosity, she took its neck and snapped it. The head dangled limp from the body like a toy that had lost all its stuffing. She carried it back to the woman and did not have to wait for her to wriggle and strain against her bonds trying to eat it. Morgan took out a knife and sliced the creature open neatly so she didn’t have to fight. Then she walked away enough yards so the smell of it wouldn’t compel her to steal a starving woman’s meal and licked blood and skin from her hands.

When Rio finally returned, Morgan was perched atop a large cross marker, stained with blood for all that she’d tried to keep herself clean. “Just unwrap everything for her and drop it where she can reach,” she called. “And then, you know, come over here so you don’t get bitten.”

Buying brains from a butcher was perhaps the most uncomfortable Orion had ever been. Despite this incredibly odd request, the butcher didn’t seem to think much of it at all. Which could only mean that this was not an uncommon request that he received. Which probably implied that Morgan and this woman were not the only zombies in town. It hadn’t occurred until now that Morgan could have been the one that turned this woman. But no. His Professor wouldn’t do that. Not unless she had to for some reason. Right?

Rio drove back to Morgan mostly in silence. He hated driving the truck. He didn’t trust himself with a big car. Plus he could barely see while driving the thing and hated ruining Ricky’s seat and mirror placement. But desperate times. Rio parked and hopped out, extending his arm so he could hold the brains at a distance from himself. “I’m here!” Rio yelled out, stopping when he noticed that Morgan had blood all over her shirt. Oh no. “What happened? Are you okay?” Rio asked. Despite this, maybe because he was too trusting just as Athena had always insulted him with, he followed Morgan’s instructions. Unwrapping the brains and tossing it to the tied up woman before hopping away and standing close to his professor. He could smell the blood that stained her. It was fresh.

“It’s okay, Rio,” Morgan said. “What do you think I’m gonna do, die again?” She smirked. A beat later, maybe too late, she wondered if that was maybe a bad joke. Rio knew about the supernatural, but maybe not about death. He hadn’t studied zombies before in his big secret library. He barely seemed comfortable with hauling brains and organs over from the butcher. Morgan sighed with a grimace and tried again. “I killed a faun for her. I didn’t think that was something you needed to be around to see. Brains sustain zombies best, but freshly dead meat is…” Her stomach grumbled, twisting. “Like candy on Halloween. You can’t not have any.” She looked down at him, still clinging to her perch. Her fingers had worn notches into the rock, worrying at the grain to keep from breaking off Bambi’s leg and going to town herself. “It’s just how we’re made,” she said quietly. “When the mother comes back to see if her faun is still around, I’ll try to get her too, if our friend isn’t back to herself yet.” She hesitated a moment, wondering if they had crossed into over sharing territory, if this was already too much for one troubled kid to bear in one night. “You don’t have to watch, or be around for any of that,” she said. “This is just another Tuesday for me, but it was a lot to get used to. It still is. You’ve been a big help, though. If all this turns out okay, it’s gonna be because of you. Because you cared.” She cleared her throat awkwardly. “You uh...you can ask me questions, if you have any. I know all this is...strange. And lived experience can tell you certain things a book can’t.” She offered him a smile, her fear weighing on her softness. Please don’t think less of me for this.

Orion laughed nervously. Was that Morgan being offended? Or Morgan making a joke. A few seconds later and Morgan smirked at Rio, hopefully confirming that it had been a joke instead. “A faun.” Rio repeated, mostly to himself. He was still processing. Rio appreciated the information. He was taking mental notes, making sure to remember all of the information that he was learning about zombies. Maybe he would head back to the building tomorrow, start digging through his books for some information on the undead. The whole thing seemed like Alain’s side, but Rio knew better than to trust a hunter’s point of view when it came to the supernatural. Rio knew from personal experience that those teachings were biased. “I don’t- I usually don’t do that well around blood. But uh- I don’t want to make you do this stuff by yourself.” Morgan opened the board for questions. And boy, did Rio have questions. Way more questions than he possibly knew how to order and ask. “I- I have questions. But right now seems like the wrong time, y’know? With her… in the state she is in.” He sighed. Just another person in this town that has been through some awful experience that Rio wasn’t able to help prevent.

Morgan nodded and watched the woman eat. It might’ve been faster to let her have her hands back, but Morgan remembered the complete haze around her mind when she woke into her feeding frenzy. She hadn’t even known her own name, much less ‘eating people bad.’ If the wrong person had been in the room, she probably would’ve done everything she could to tear them to bits. “Anyone tell you lately what a good kid you are?” She asked. It was a rhetorical question, but she hoped nonetheless that someone was encouraging his generosity. Even if he could probably stand to get less squeamish. In time, the groans of the woman changed. Morgan gestured for Rio to stay back and made her way slowly over.

There was hardly anything left of the faun, but just enough that Morgan couldn’t stop herself from reaching into its ruined skull and scooping out its small black eyes and the thin tissue of its cheek muscle to munch on. She knelt down near the woman, still working the flesh in her mouth. “Hey,” she said, gently as she could with her mouth half full. “Can you talk? Are you good now?” The woman groaned and dashed herself into the red stained grass, angling her mouth for the rest of the faun. “Okay! Not feeling the impulse control. That’s okay! But I’m gonna need like...one intelligible word before you get this carcass.”

“Mmmhh. Aaarr...oh..k-kay.”

Blessed universe she was okay.

Morgan went around and loosened her bonds enough for her to wriggle free and stepped back as she held the faun and the scraps of flesh she hadn’t devoured yet as if they were all the treasure in the world. “You...shouldn’t...have done this,” she panted.

“I don’t see why not, Morgan replied. “What’s your name?”

The woman sucked the last remnants of life from the faun’s ribs and reached for a scattering of brain bits to shove into her mouth. “Ashley,” she said at last. “I didn’t--” She paused to swallow. As she wiped the mess from her chin she caught sight of the blood and mess on her hands, matching Morgan’s and then some.  “I didn’t ask for any of this,” she said through gritted teeth. “Not any of this, you idiots.” And then she was sprinting downhill, stumbling and falling over her own feet but never stopping, the dead animal still tucked in her arms. Morgan reached for her, but caught only the edge of her torn hiking vest. It fell right off, like it had been waiting to all along.

“It hurts sometimes, being like this, Rio,” she said, hanging her head as Ashley disappeared from sight. “Even when you have everything you need, it can still hurt.” There wasn’t any point in tracking her down again, not when Rio could get hurt, and he had done so much already. She willed herself to look up and gave him the saddest apologetic smile. “Sorry you got sucked into this. What were you up to before anyway?”

Orion felt the heat burning his cheeks as the blush came on. Good kid. They weren’t unfamiliar words, not anymore. But they still warmed him each time he heard them. He supposed being starved for acceptance and praise did that to a kid. “Uh- I get told that more so recently than ever before. But uh- Thank you.” Whether or not she was expecting an answer, Rio thought it would be rude to just not thank her for the compliment.

Over time, Rio witnessed first hand how the almost primal hunger seemed to die down from the woman. Slowly, her eating became less frantic and more of that of a human that had not eaten in days. Morgan was fearless, strolling right up to her. Though he supposed death probably helped to quell many of the fears that Rio felt right now.

The zombie- Ashley- seemed confused. Scared, even. And despite what the two had done to help her, Ashley took off the moment she was comprehensive and scurried off down the hill, leaving Rio and Morgan by themselves. And all of that fear and anguish that Rio could see in Ashley’s face, must have been similar to what Morgan had been through. Her words were raw, her smile doing nothing to mask the sadness or pain present in her voice.  This was her life now. Something she was forced to deal with in order to stay alive. Or re-alive, which wasn’t actually a word but would have to apply for this situation. “You helped her. Even though she couldn’t see it right now… you just protected people from potentially getting hurt. And you protected her from making a terrible mistake. That’s… incredible.” Rio breathed, realizing only now that he had been holding his breath the entire time. “I was just at the old Scribe building, heading home for the night when I heard the noises outside the cemetery.”

“Stars, I hope so,” Morgan sighed. She didn’t feel like she had done much. She had hoped to at least talk to someone else like her for a little longer, to ask what she really needed to get by for longer than a day or two. Who did she have? How had she starved so badly? All she had to go on was one torn up hiking vest and a name. She pushed the thought of Ashley to the back of her mind. Maybe she could put out a call online or ask the ghosts in the cemetery to keep an eye out, just in case she turned up here again or...something. But for now she was as good as lost.

Morgan exhaled. Without the need for air, her body retained most of its tension from the past hour until she worked consciously at it, slumping and rolling her neck and shoulders and arms. “You helped too, Rio. I wouldn’t have been able to manage her by myself. Come on,” she urged gently. She held out an arm, beckoning him close, imagining a one armed hug to calm his nerves. Then she saw the blood on her hands and thought better on it. She let it fall limp at her side and wiped it down on her skirt. “I appreciate that you tried. That counts for something.  Let’s get you home, okay?”

#brainful process #wr rio #wr chatzy #wr rio chatzy #wr

[oddeyecadia]

back to square one

read on ao3

Pidge was stubborn.

She was not supposed to enter the Garrison with uneven chopped off hair, her brother's glasses and her mother's confidence then change her name and create a new identity for it was technically against the law.

But she did.

When she finally got a lead into finding her brother, all logic was immediately thrown away as she hopped onto green without hesitation. For practicality and her own safety, Shiro suggested that she shouldn't go alone.

But she did.

Allura's sacrifice left the universe safe but broke the hearts of many. Though, no one was as broken as Lance who mourned alone and specifically told everyone that he wanted to be alone as he tried his hardest not to let anyone break his walls.

But she did, just like what he did to hers when they were only cadets.

A lot could change in three years. Feelings even.

The world had stopped, his feet on the sand and view of the sun setting completely forgotten as he stared at another sunset colored view. Whoever decided that brown wasn't as gorgeous as the other eye colors were either blind or just a whole idiot. All of Lance's life he used to think sunset was the most beautiful view but seeing Pidge's eyes, the sun had some competition.

Their faces were so close that he could see every little freckle on her face. He felt her breath touch his lips and he shivered. His voice came out softer than it should, "I'm still a mess, Katie. You shouldn't."

But she did, he was glad she did.

The team found a way to possibly bring Allura back. Laws of physics were hard to battle with but if being a part of Voltron ever teach them anything other than becoming stronger, it was that everything fictional can be turned into reality. So, they figured it out– time travel.

It required several complicated technology. First, a wormhole, then a power crystal, a lot of patience, and some other parts that he completely missed because of so many thoughts clouding his mind.

They were getting Allura back. Seeing her smile wouldn't only just be limited to his dreams now. The thought filled his chest with a familiar warmth, though it felt a little different. It wasn't as strong as when he last had it.

After everything was built, there was one last thing that they needed in order for the plan to succeed.

A team. The standard Garrison flight team, a group of three who would go into the wormhole and execute the plan, travel back in time in their own universe and prevent Allura from sacrificing herself.

A highly dangerous task, not only because they were going to be meddling with the laws of space and time, but also because there was only an 80% chance that the teludav would work. Sure, the Holts have stabilized earth teludavs for travel when it came to distance, but time was another thing. There was still a 20% chance that whoever would enter it may never come back.

No one in the Atlas even bat an eye when Shiro volunteered to be in the mission first. Some showed a look of concern, but there weren't any look of surprise in sight. Then, he asked Keith to come with him, in which he accepted without hesitation. A lot could change in five years, some dynamics stayed the same, though. Lance chuckled to himself.

When Shiro's eyes fell on him, a sense of understanding came through. It made sense for Lance to be a part of the team, he was the closest to Allura next to Coran. He knew what to do and what not to do in order for the mission to succeed.

Out of the corner of his eyes, a familiar small figure stood up before he could even move.

His breath stopped. Most of the time, Pidge showing her daring personality would make butterflies fill Lance's stomach up to his chest. Right then, it made the butterflies tear down his organs.

"Pidge, don't." He begged, desperately.

But she still did it.

Her calloused hands lacked warmth, but he provided, holding it gently as he watched her chest rise and fall continuously. The cold metal seat beside her bed was rather uncomfortable, but he couldn't care less. Nothing but the humming of machine filled the silence of the infirmary.

God, he missed her voice. He would do anything to hear her laugh, rambles, even her snarky yet endearing remarks again.

The moment they turned on the teludav, his gut immediately told him to try and stop the team's shuttles to enter it. He did not listen to it, unfortunately.

When the shuttles entered slowly, chaos occurred faster than what his eyes could see. All he could remember was the teludav shutting down, horrified shouts of panic as the wormhole released an insane amount of power and almost destroyed Pidge's shuttle, almost destroyed her.

Red. Everything was red.

Tightening his hold of her hand, the memory of her pale and almost lifeless body in his arms flashed through his mind. An uncomfortable shiver ran down his spine. It had been almost a week,  a week of him watching a stupid machine count her heartbeat, hoping that her eyes would open with every rise of her heart rate. It was kind of ironic how just a month ago, he was practically begging her to take a nap.

"It's 2 am, Pidge."

"And?" Her hand continued to type something on her tablet before zooming in on a picture of the plant in front of her. Scanning it carefully, her eyes blinked slowly once, twice.

Lance let out a sigh. "Sleep. Please?" He wrapped his arms around her from the back, resting his head on top of hers and his chin almost hitting the bobby pins he put on her hair earlier. "Come on, I'll let you hog both blankets tonight." He never restricted her from hogging any blanket ever. Why they had two was the result of Pidge hogging their blanket multiple nights, they decided to get another so they could have one each. She ended up hogging both of them.

Putting down her tablet, she seemed to ease up, melting into his embrace. "Play with my hair until I fall asleep and you got yourself a deal."

Kissing her head, he couldn't help but chuckle. "Anything for you, hermosa."

His eyes never left her petite form, he was so focused, desperately looking for signs of her awaking that he didn't even notice someone had entered the room.

"Lance, you should eat." He recognized the voice without looking.

"Maybe later, Veronica."

"You said that earlier." The sound of footsteps approached him. A hand then reached his shoulder but he didn't flinch. "Come on, she'll be okay."

They both knew it wasn't the truth, but it wasn't a lie either. Earth healing pods did so little to help her heal. All her physical bruises and cuts were nowhere to be seen, making her look like she was just taking a nap after a long day, but internal damages were still there and no one was sure when or if she would wake up.

"I don't want her alone when she wakes up."

His sister sighed. "She'd want you to chose your health over her, you know?"

He flinched at her words.

Everyone was working hard to perfect everything for the mission, but Lance was working harder than anyone. He made sure to help in building the teludav in any way he could. He stayed up all day and night helping Coran and Shiro plan everything out as if the idea of rest did not exist. He would get frustrated whenever there was a day without progress, blaming himself for not trying hard enough, for letting Allura sacrifice herself in the first place. If he had only held her tighter, made her happy enough to stay.

He was back to square one.

He was losing himself and the people around him again.

Even the one he cared about the most.

"You don't understand, Pidge!" Lance swung his arm like a mad man.

"I do understand! We all want Allura back and we're doing everything we can as fast as our bodies can handle." She stepped closer, trying to soften her tone but failing miserably after the first word. "You're the one who used to tell me all the time that overworking is bad and shit while yours here obviously need some fucking rest. Stop being a hypocrite, Lance, you don't need to torture yourself like this!"

It was supposed to be a peaceful night. She invited him to her lab to help with some last minute adjustments for the mission. In the middle of progress, she suggested for them to take a break, get some sleep and continue tomorrow for a day was enough to get everything settled. On normal days, he would be relieved to know that his overworked significant other finally understood how important taking breaks were.

That night, he was the one who refused. One thing led to another and then they were screaming at each other as if they weren't five feet apart.

"You just don't want all of this to work, not as much as I do!" His voice cracked.

"Wha– May I remind you that this mission was my idea! I'm the one working my butt off just to mimic an altean teludav, why the quiznack would you think I don't want this to work?"

"I don't know, maybe because once Allura's back, you're afraid I'm gonna choose her over you?"

Pidge froze.

The look of pure shock on her face calmed him down, but the tears forming in her eyes was what made him finally come to his senses. Realization hit and regret washed over him.

"Katie..." He breathed, voice shaking, "That's not what I meant."

Her hands clenched so hard, nails could mark her skin. It looked like she was about to scream but took a deep breath instead. Fists slowly opening, her eyes softened, trying to blink away the tears but ending up making them fall down her cheek. A lump formed in his throat.

All he wanted to do right then was cup her face and wipe all her tears away. So he did. His heart dropped to his stomach when she immediately pulled away from his touch.

"Don't worry, I've already accepted my faith as a fucking consolation price. What am I compared to your first love, right?" She held herself tightly the way she would whenever she was missing her family or losing hope during the war. The urge to embrace her got stronger but he held himself back.

When he finally found his voice again, it came out unbelievably weak. "Consolation price? What, you think I'm using you as a rebound?"

"Am I not?" She scoffed.

"No!" The anger somehow came back. This time, it wasn't at her, but purely at himself and he couldn't do anything but scream it out. "Dammit, Katie, you think I would go that low? You're not a rebound! I've never–"

"Well, it doesn't feel like it! You barely talked to me these past few weeks and when you do, it's either about this mission or nothing else." Her voice cracked as well as something in his chest. Her shoulders were trembling then, more and more tears fell from her expressive eyes. "I trust that you wouldn't do something like that, Lance, I do. I just couldn't help but feel like I'm fifteen again, pining over a friend who couldn't fucking see me even though I'm right in front of them the whole time. It's like I'm back to square one and it sucks!"

An uncomfortable, heavy silence filled the room. Lance opened his mouth but nothing came out of it.

She was feeling like that all this time and he didn't even notice. Even the small changes, were the bags under her eyes always that big? Why was her hair messier than usual? Oh, right. He would usually fix it for her whenever he would catch her at her lab during lunch time. When was the last time he had checked up on her? His chest got heavier as he realized that he couldn't remember.

Pidge was not a consolation price. She was his everything, but he hadn't been treating her like she was and that made him sick. He didn't even realize he was crying until he looked down and the tears finally dropped.

She broke the heavy silence with another humorless scoff. "Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if you do end up choosing her. I'm more concerned about you choosing her over your damn self again." A beat. "You're important too, Lance. You don't have to break yourself."

Pidge aggressively rubbed her nose on the sleeve of her lab coat before walking away. Lance couldn't do anything but watch her back, leaving him feeling emptier than a void.

"It's my fault"

"No." Veronica pulled a chair beside her brother and looked him dead in the eye. "We talked about this. It wasn't your fault the teludav was unstable."

"Still, I shouldn't have let her go to that mission. I should have tried harder to reason with Shiro to let me join the team instead but I didn't!"

"Lance, listen to me, it is not your fault she chose to be a part of it."

His eyes started to sting. "It is. She knew the teludav wasn't a hundred percent safe, she knew Shiro would pick me to be on the mission, she knew and she took my place. God, I should have told her to stay when we met at the hangar–"

"There was no other choice, she knew every part of the shuttles and the teludav more than any of us. We all knew it wasn't a hundred percent safe and it would never be because of how primitive earth technology is, that's why we only put three people in the mission. We had to take risks."

Risking her life for another wasn't worth it, even if it was Allura. The Princess sacrificed herself just for them to live, it would go against everything that she did for the universe if even one of them give up their life. He would rather have all his efforts go to waste than lose Pidge. Not once did he not regret how it took him almost losing her just for him to realize this.

Minutes before the mission, Lance found himself walking to the shuttle's hangar. It could be his imagination but his feet were heavier than usual.

Still, he wanted to see her.

It was only yesterday when they had their big fight but that didn't mean their little tradition shouldn't be done. It was kind of their thing whenever one of them was part of a mission or just having a trip, whether out of town or out of earth, they would do something sappy. If they were in a public place like an airport, the one getting left behind would have to create a scene, pretending like they haven't confessed their feelings and they got to before the other could get on the plane, just like in every classic 2000s romcom which both Lance and Pidge were a fan of. Though, Pidge just liked them only because they were easy to make fun of.

Whenever they were alone, though, they would just give each other see you later kisses until one of them really had to go.

Perhaps they wouldn't be able to do that right then because of their recent misunderstandings, but he at least wanted to wish her a safe flight.

Pidge in her old Voltron uniform was the first thing he saw when he entered the hangar. Earth armors were no where near as advance as the Altean ones so the former paladins had the smart decision to keep theirs in case of highly dangerous missions like this happening.

His heart skipped a beat at the sight. It was weird yet somehow nostalgic seeing her in that green armor again. In a way, she looked different yet still wonderfully the same. She grew a little taller, had a little more figure, but she still had those big curious eyes and short hair, though, a little less choppy. Many have praised her "glow up," saying things like late puberty really turned her from an ugly duckling to a swan. This claim had always confused Lance because for him, she had always been beautiful.

"Hey."

She turned to him, helmet in hand, with wide eyes as if his presence was unexpected. "Lance, hi."

"Everything settled?" He took a careful step closer.

"Mhm. Just waiting for Shiro's command."

For the the first time in forever, Lance was at lost for words. Usually, this would be the time he would give her a big hug and kiss her everywhere, but the atmosphere was telling him otherwise. The fight was still fresh for both of them and he could tell just by the way she was avoiding eye his eyes. They weren't screaming, though, that was a good sign.

He found his voice again after a moment. "You're not gonna tie your hair back?"

At this point, he was just desperate for any conversation to happen. His question was genuine, though. After the war, Pidge specifically chose to keep her hair short. She tried growing it out the first few months of post Voltron but with all the Garrison work and the stress of rebuilding earth, she really didn't have time to take care of her hair.

Whenever she wouldn't have the time to chop it off, she would just stick to tying it half up half down. Sometimes, Lance would help her out and play with her hair, doing small braids and styling which both of them enjoyed. He'd usually style it in a way that her bangs wouldn't bother her.

Pidge blew her bangs away from her face. "I mean, it would get messed up by the helmet anyway."

"You sure? You're not gonna throw a tantrum once your bangs fall on your face in a difficult situation?" He was already searching his pockets for bobby pins. There was two.

She let out a hearty laugh for the first time since yesterday and he never felt so blessed. "That I won't guarantee."

"Can I?"

"Yes, please."

Lance then grabbed a bobby pin and carefully put her bangs away from her face. He used his teeth to open up a pin before securing it on her hair. "There." He said, gently tucking a side of hair to her ear.

Their eyes met. "Thanks." She said softly.

For a moment, he though she was going to say something. Lance himself was hesitant to even move even though he was dying to kiss her right then and there. If only the weight of yesterday's argument could be thrown away even just for a second, he would hold her tight in his arms and tell her how sorry he was, but something was telling him that it wasn't the time... or was it? "Katie..."

"5 minutes before take off! Team, time to get on the ship." Shiro's voice bombarded the speakers in the hangar.

Pidge took a deep breath. "Well, I better go." She gave a small smile.

"Y–Yeah. Yeah, of course."

After a beat, she gave him a nod and immediately turned back. Lance's hand itched, he wanted nothing more but to grab her hand and pull her in his arms but she was already walking away. She wasn't gonna turn back and his heart sunk at the thought.

His fist clenched. Perhaps the atmosphere wasn't right, the fight was still clear in their heads but they were adults god dammit, they were better than this, Lance was better than this. If he wanted to say something then he would.

He was about to open his mouth when she suddenly stopped. Dropping her helmet, Pidge ran to his arms, wrapping her short ones around his neck. He held her with all his strength, burying his face onto her shoulder.

It was just like the movies but better. Maybe they weren't gonna break tradition after all.

"You couldn't resist me, huh?" He asked fondly and felt her chuckle.

"Obviously"

A moment later, they finally pulled away yet stayed so close as if it would be a sin to move away even just a little.

"I'm gonna bring her back." Pidge said, looking straight into his eyes. There was determination in her voice and it somehow scared him for a reason he couldn't tell.

He cupped her face tenderly. "Just promise you'll come back safely too, yeah?"

"Lance..."

"Please."

A heavy sigh, then a nod. "If– When I come back, we're gonna fix this, fix us, okay?"

Lance kissed her forehead as a subtle promise. "We will."

"I love you, Katie." He didn't say it the last time and it was another thing to add to Lance's list of biggest regrets.

He tightened his hold of her hand. Lance was both quite vocal and physical when showing affection to someone, but with Pidge, it was a little different. They had this unspoken rule that I love yous would only be said during intimate moments and never used as an indirect good bye. Not once did they said it during their sappy see you later shenanigans.

She wanted their I love yous to be special and he respected that. Sometimes though, he really just wanted scream it to the world. In this case, say it to her multiple times in hopes of her getting annoyed unconsciously and waking up to maybe pout at him. He really was desperate.

They were alone once again. Veronica left a while ago to get some food. It took a lot of convincing, but he eventually agreed to at least have some snack only because Hunk was back on earth and was preparing some food for everyone. Hunk knew about what happened prior to his visit and was as- or even more -devastated as everyone. He went to check on Pidge three days after the incident and of course, a few tears were shed, but immediately forced himself to get his crap together because he believed- knew she would be okay. Lance had been telling himself the same thing over and over again. For the first few days, he was full of hope but as the days passed, it started to fade slowly.

Lance gave her hand a soft kiss. "I love you so much. Please, hermosa, wake up and say it back."

Pidge was stubborn.

Every doctor said the chances of her waking up after the incident was little to none. Her heart rate wasn't supposed to rise, she wasn't supposed to move and open her eyes, weakly hold his hand back and call out his name softly.

But she did, he was glad she did.

For Lance, it felt like they were back to square one and surely this time, he would use this fresh start to do everything that he wasn't able to.

Starting with loving her better.

#lissen i miss them #plance #pidgance #pance #angst with a happy ending #fanfic #satri writes