#oh bugger I don't bloody know

[nasturtiumsforbreakfast]

blood test results for starting T came back today (after a bunch of times the GP not having appointments, and then me missing the call when he did)

Anyway my free androgen index is a fair bit higher than it "should" be, enough that the doc asked if I'd already started T, cs that's dealt with by a London clinic

Which is fine, obviously, that's what going on testosterone is sposed to do, right, so I guess I just have a slight head-start or smth

But this is going here instead of my main blog cs it's um. It's kinda brought me some thoughts of uh.

Well I've always had the thought of. I.

I don't know if I'd count as intersex?

I've never had any medical trouble (beyond horrid joint pain that sometimes seems to come and go with my hormone levels, but then my parents were both diagnosed with arthritis as teenagers (mum with rheumatoid at 13, dad with osteo at 16), so isn't that some level of normal to experience), or really anything outside what may be considered yr normal uhhhh female y'know puberty experience, but I do. Well I think I do. Have a larger than average clit?

I remember being a very small child, maybe 5 or so, and changing for swimming lessons, y'know, and thinking,, mine doesn't look like that. Mine doesn't look at all like that.

I suppose I'm just. Less neat, maybe. From what I can tell, it looks like y'know like a normal on-T bottom growth type uh whatever you call it, tho I haven't looked at enough photos to tell what sorta exactly so-many-months stage it looks like.

So I really do just have a small head start (ha, head), in that sense, naturally high T levels, I suppose

But I've spent my entire life thinking like. I'm not supposed to look like that. It's not right normal whatever. If someone fucked me, they'd be able to feel it, feel that I wasn't normal, even if it's only averagely large instead of just large (I haven't much of an idea of what is very large or not, beyond that people celebrating their T changes look like I do already)

I suppose that some of my ID'ing as ace at first was misplaced shame, y'know - I look wrong, nobody would want a girl that looks like this, therefore I shouldn't want anything myself

Which is pure nonsense, I'm aware, but it's a very hard (oh it does that, too, some, tho it doesn't show half as well as a cis man's might) idea to shake, and I've still kept hold of the shame, tho now it's mostly shifted to be about "nobody would want me as a man person because I look like too much of a girl despite this"

And that if anyone did want me, it would be despite this, always, never accepting it or liking it - I don't know I've truly accepted it yet myself, I am uncomfortable about it,,, being known by someone else, or something, y'know, tho most of my masturbation has always focused on it over y'know penetration - but rather that if they,, carried on with me, it would be ignoring it, or following some great horrid uncomfortable shock, y'know, cs it's not. I suppose. It's not necessarily something you'd go into something expecting to find.

Well. There's that said.

I know logically it's nothing to be ashamed of, really. I know that my birth certificate has "female" on it, so I can't be that um. Far away from cis-average. I'm using the wrong words I don't know the right ones I'm sorry But it's an idea that burrowed it's way very very far into my brain, and I've so far been unable to shift it.

Tho seeing people pleased at their progression into their genitals looking like mine, does go some way to helping, I will say that.

#oh what do I tag this #intersex #I don't know if I count. and honestly I'd rather the least amount of medical examinations possible and have no intention of finding out. #i don't intend on bottom surgery I'm not a fan of doctors and I've no need to go any further than I already am. Y'know. Uh. #oh bugger I don't bloody know #I'm shutting up now #testosterone

[cinnamontoastcrunch-15]

Today's @wolfstarmicrofic is a Roommate AU!

(872 words.)

James is slowly going mad.

No, not even slowly. He's fallen straight into madness, and he doesn't know how to save himself.

When Sirius asked if one of his course mates, Remus Lupin, could move in for a while, of course, he said yes. Remus had been going through something, and James is always happy to help. Not only that, but Remus is bloody brilliant. He went from being shy, fairly withdrawn, to a hilarious, witty person who James is happy to call his friend.

Sirius clearly doesn't just want to call Remus his friend.

James doesn't think he can watch the two of them practically undressing each other with their eyes at breakfast, accidentally reaching for the same thing and blushing like idiots while they apologise, or trying their hand at fucking awful flirting. It's getting painful, the clear fact that they've fallen for one another right in front of them, while they dance around it like they've never been certain of anything less in their lives.

To be perfectly honest, James is starting to wonder if he should just lock them both in a room and-

"S'fine, I don't care," Sirius' voice cuts through James' thought process as he steps out of his bedroom and into the kitchen. James looks up just in time to watch Remus following behind him hurriedly. So quickly that he almost walks directly into Sirius when he stops and turns around to face him. "I'm not carrying you through the project just because you forgot you had shit to do, though. You can do your part later."

"When have I not done my work, Sirius? Christ, at this point I thought you'd trust me. I already apologised for forgetting!"

"Mhm, and I've already said I don't care. Go have fun on your date, Remus," Sirius says back, just a hint of bitterness settling in his words. It really does sound like he cares.

Remus must be thinking the same thing, because he walks out without saying another word. Sirius immediately heads to the fridge, dropping his head against the door and letting his shoulders slump with a sigh.

"Oh, Sirius, you're a fucking idiot," Sirius groans to himself under his breath. James chuckles.

"Agreed."

"Jesus buggering Christ!" Sirius jumps a mile, practically falling into the counter as he whips his head around to face James. "How long have you been sitting there?"

"Long enough to watch that trainwreck," James answers simply. For some reason, Sirius seems to decide that it's the perfect time to play dumb.

"What d'you mean? It's fine, Remus is just..."

"Going on a date," James fills in. "With someone who isn't you. Which, by the way, is really bloody stupid of him, so at least you've got that in common."

"No, that's not- I don't..."

All James needs to do is arch an eyebrow, and Sirius' shoulders slump.

"Okay, fine, yeah. I really like him."

"No, really?" James asks sarcastically. At Sirius' unamused look, he keeps talking. "Sirius, I'm not being funny, you should see the way he looks at you when you're not looking. Or even when you are, actually. I'm surprised you haven't seen it! You should have asked him out months ago."

"God, I've really fucked it up, haven't I?" Sirius groans, scrubbing a face over his hand. "I wanted to tell him ages ago, I swear! It's just, he-" Sirius drops down into the chair opposite James, eyes fixed on his hands. "He was going through a lot, and then I was asking him if he wanted to move in before I knew what I was saying! How am I meant to tell him anything when he's living in the same flat as me? That could go so wrong, James. I could literally ruin everything!"

Okay, James is at a loss for words. That's... a lot, and Sirius is clearly stressed out. He opts for reaching across the small table and squeezing Sirius' shoulder. Before he can say anything comforting, though, a rustle comes from the door. Someone's trying to get in, and if they have a key, they're really struggling to use it.

Sirius walks over to the door with a confused frown, pulling it open to find Remus, key held out and a stunned expression on his face. James watches the two of them hesitate in front of one another for a moment.

"Remus? What-?"

Before he can say another word, Remus expression fixes to one that James can only describe as determined, before he surges forward and connects his and Sirius' lips. Sirius staggers backwards for a moment, caught by Remus hands sliding around his waist as he reaches his own up to the nape of Remus' neck.

James doesn't know whether or not he should be averting his eyes. Thankfully, they decide that for him, Remus pulling away and starting to speak hurriedly.

"I got halfway down the street and realised that I was being so fucking stupid. I really like you, Sirius. I have for so long, and I guess I thought maybe a date would help me get over it but, God, all I wanted to do was come back here and see you, so..."

Okay, so they're both idiots.

Still, by the look on Sirius' face, he has a feeling that they're finally getting their act together.

#this almost turned into a looong oneshot #it just made me so happy to write lmfao #wolfstar #sirius black #wolfstar oneshot #marauders #remus lupin #remus x sirius #young marauders #moony x padfoot #atyd marauders #marauders oneshot

[bapple117]

Velvette Slang Masterlist: for the fandom

A gift from a humble Brit to anyone (not from the UK) wanting to write Velv convincingly ~

Hello you wayward sinner!

Are you looking to write Velvette into a fan fiction, comic, roleplay or something else? Would you like to make her sound legit but you have no idea about British (or indeed, South London) slang? FEAR NOT! I, Bapple, am here to hold your hand and guide you through the wonderful world of British slang so you can have fun making Velv sound legit. Let's proceed!

Not all of this will be limited to the UK, of course, and it's not an exhaustive list of ALL British slang either - it's just the kind of things Velv WOULD say as someone from South London.

Insults

For men: bastard, prick, wanker, knob, dickhead, wankstain, bellend, git, tosser, sod, cock, pillock, numpty, codger (means old man)

For women: bint, bitch, slag, wench, slut, tart, trollop, scrub

For anyone: arsehole, arse, twat, sket, muppet, minger (means ugly), bugger, gobshite, cretin

The absolute worst thing you can call someone else is cunt - this is very strong and isn't used in casual conversation, unless you are in VERY informal company, in which case it's thrown around like it's nothing at all. (Come here you cheeky cunt - playful)

Terms of Endearment

Babes, hun, luv, darlin', sweetheart, mate, sweetie, mucker, pal, blud, fam, dear, dearie, honey

Eg: "Alright babes? How's it going darlin?'"

British people often use insults affectionately, too, especially with close friends as a way to tease / banter. (You silly sod, you useless prick, you cheeky git, you daft muppet, etc)

Slang Words

Drunk: trollied, smashed, pissed, wasted, legless, hammered, sloshed, battered, bladdered, merry, shitfaced, arseholed, plastered, lashed

Good: banging, well good, mint, the dogs bollocks, ace, blinding, cracking, brill, fab, neat, beast, fresh, hench, jokes (that's jokes innit), lush, peng (good looking), sick, wicked, peak, wavy

Bad: grim, naff, shite, shit, crap, tat (useless old tat), minging, rank, dry, nasty, humming (means gross)

Pleased: chuffed, buzzing, tickled pink, sorted (I'm sorted mate)

Annoyed: gutted, miffed, pissed off, fucked off, fuming, raging, ticked off, well annoyed, bovvered (used more sarcastically eg: I aint bovvered), vexed

Curses

Bollocks, fucking hell, bloody hell, bugger, piss off, any of the insults used above

Other random words

Bare = a lot of (eg bare money)

Chirpsing, grafting = flirting

Garms = clothes

Lips = kiss (are you tryna lips me?)

Peng ting = good looking person / high quality thing

Standard = of course, yeah no duh (Yeah that's standard mate.)

Tight = cheapskate (Don't be so bloody tight!)

Yard = your house (Come over to my yard)

Banter = conversation that's funny, casual, playful (S'just banter innit)

Convo, chinwag, chat = conversation

Defo = short for definite (Oh he's defo up to something)

Other random phrases

Are you taking the mick? = are you mocking me?

Stop faffing around = be serious and stop messing about

That's mad = wow, I can't believe what you just said or that's amazing

Allow it = just leave it, it's no big deal (Whatever mate, allow it)

Other helpful pointers

When British people (who talk like Velv) swear angrily we do so many times in a whole sentence and add a lot of qualifiers, eg:

"Fuck off you fucking prick, you absolute fucking useless arsehole!"

"Don't piss me off babes or I'll fucking end your shitty little life!"

Making a crude observation about something nearly always a curse in-front of it, eg:

"That's fucking rank."

"It was fucking buzzing mate!"

The Magical Use of Innit:

Innit is a wonderful word that can be used everywhere, especially for someone from South London. It basically means "isn't it?" but it has MANY uses. It can be used to mean an agreement, like "I know right?"

"That was well good innit"

"He's a right twat" - response: "INNIT!"

"It's fuckin grim in here" - "Innit mate"

Adding "well" to words

That was well good - that was well bad - that was well grim

(You get the idea)

That's about it for now!

If I think of anything else I will edit this masterlist and if anyone has any questions please feel free to pop them in my inbox. Happy writing!

#velvette #hazbin hotel velvette #the vees #hazbin #hazbin hotel #tips for writers #tips for fanfiction #hazbin roleplay #hazbin velvette #fanfiction guides #writing guides #hazbin guide #bapple chats #bapple guides #masterlist #velvette masterlist #velvette x reader

[writers-potion]

International Slang, Slang, Slang!

I'm sharing this list of slang in different languages (English, British English, French, Spanish, Italian, Japanese, Malaysian, Russian, Hindi) to use for dialogue:

English Slang

LOL = laugh out loud

OMG = oh my god

Noob = newbie

LMAO = laught my ass off

SFW = Safe work work

HMB = hit me back

XOXO = hugs and kisses

Txt = text

msg = message

cuz = because

kinda = kind of

outta = out of

'bout = about

C'mon = come on

'em = them

lil = little

lotsa = lots of

nope/nah = no

wanna = want to

dunno = don't know

lemme = let me

TBH = to be honest

gotcha = have got you

jack around = waste time

jillion = an immense number

nuke = destroy, delete

bushed = extremely tired

fab = fabulous

chicken = coward

grabbers = hands

grub = food

vanilla = plain

peanuts = very little money

British English Slang

skive = lazy or avoid doing something

knackered = tired

nicked = stolen

bugger = jerk

zed = equivalent to zzzzzz

nosh = food

dog's bollocks = awesome

bog roll = toliet paper

nutter = crazy person

punter = customer/prostitute's client

fiver = 5 euros

toff = upper class person

taking the piss = screwing around

pissed = drunk

wonky = not right

gutted = devastated

Tosser = idiot

Cock-up = screw up

Bloody = damn

Wanker = idiot

Fancy = like

Lost the plot = gone crazy

Kip = sleep or nap

Bee's knees = awesome

Dodgy = suspicious

Wicked = cool!

Know your onions = knowledgeable

Chuffed = proud

Bespoke = custom made

Give you a bell = call you

Hoover = vacuum

Tad = little bit

French Slang

Spanish Slang

Tu (me) fair chier) = (literally: you make me

shit) You are pissing me off

Ca me saoule = I'm sick of this

J'en ai ras le cul = I'm sick of this

Fringues = clothes

Grailler = to buy/steal/take/eat

Crever = to die

Crevant = exhausting

Gerber = to throw up

Defonce = stoned

Glander = to procrastinate/to do nothing/to

lay around

Va craver = go die

J'ai la dalle = I'm hungry

Avoir la flemme = not wanting to do

something

Japanese Slang

Tio = dude or guy

Guay = cool/great

Currar = to work

Fome = boring

Value = okay or sure

Colega = buddy or friend

Pasta = moneu

Majo = nice or friendly

Flipar = to be shocked

Bocachancla = gossip

Raro - weird

Papear = to eat

Resaca = hangover

Plomazo = boring

Loco = crazy

Chafa = Lame

Baka (ばか) = Stupid or idiot.

Bucchake (ぶっちゃけ) = To be honest or frank.

Chiruru (チルる) = To chill or relax.

Chō (超) = Very.

Dame (だめ) = No good or not allowed.

Dasai (ダサい) = Uncool or out of style.

Disuru (ディスる) = To disrespect or talk down about someone.

Egui (えぐい) = Awesome or incredible.

Gachi (ガチ) = Serious or real.

Ganba (がんば) = A short version of “ganbatte,” meaning “do your best” or “good luck.”

Guguru (ググる) = To Google something.

Gyaru (ギャル) = A fashion-conscious young lady with tanned skin and long nails.

Honto (ほんと ) = Really or for real.

Ii kanji (いい感じ) = To have a good vibe or feeling about something.

JK = High school girl.

Kimoi (キモい) = Creepy or gross.

Kira kira (キラキラ) = Sparkling, cute, or beautiful.

Kireru (キレる) = To snap or lose your temper.

Maji (マジ) = Seriously or really.

Moteru (モテる) = To be popular or attractive.

Mukatsuku (むかつく) = To be irritated.

Nampa (ナンパ) = To chat or pick someone up.

Sugoi (すごい) = Amazing or incredible.

Uzai (うざい) = Another word for annoying.

Wakannai (わかんない) = I don’t know.

Yabai (ヤバい) = Anything from “awesome” to “oh no.”

Russian Slang

Долбоеб (dolboyob_) = Fool, Idiot

Иди на хуй (idi na hui) = F*ck yourself

Сволочь (svo lach’) = Trash, Scum, Jerk

Жопа (zho pa) = Brat (typically used towards children)

Гавно (gav no) = Sh!t (used more when speaking to yourself rather than to insult someone)

лох (loh) = Stupid, Idiot, Sucker

Гандон (gan don) = Condom (Whilst calling someone a condom in English is just not a thing, it’s quite common in Russia. Used to refer to someone weak or just plain irritating)

Чушь собачья (chush’ sobach’ya) = Bullsh!tter

Malaysian Slang

Трахни тебя (trakhni tebya) = F*ck You

Ти дегхенераат (ti degheneraat) = You’re a degenerate

Отыебис от меныа! (otyebis ot menya!) = Move your ass / Get the f*ck away

чертовски дно (chertovski dno) = F*cking bottom (would be used when referring to hitting rock bottom.)

Bo jio = use when referring to friend who didn't invite them to a gathering (e.g. 'why you bo jio?)

Ýum cha = hang out over drinks or food at local coffee shops

belanja = I got you covered

Potong Stim = killjoy

Boss = waiters refer to their cusomters as boss, and customers call out for waiters using the same term!

Tapau/Bungkus = take-away

Ang Moh/Mat Salleh = "Western foreigners"

Kantoi = being cuaght red handed

Paiseh = shy or embarrased

Walao Eh! = brother

Macha = good friends (equivalent to "fam" in English)

Alamak! = shock, surprise, or frustration (punctuate with 'face palm' for dramatic effect)

Lah = This one really has no meaning, used to add "emphasis" and "flavor" to sentences. It is rather addictive...

Kawan baik = best friend

Jom = let's (inviting someone to do something together)

Best gila = crazy good, crazy fine (like "amazing!" in English)

Kantoi = busted

Fuyoh = WOW or OMG

Cincai = whatever

Italian Slang

Ma Dai = come on, imagine, stop it (express surprise, amazement)

Chi Se Ne Frega? = Who cares?

Scialla = stay calm

In Bocca Al Lupo = Good luck

Come Il Cacio Sui Maccheroni = like sheep's milk for the macaroni

Come Te La Passi = How is it going?

Trescare – Have a flirt

Camomillarsi – Calm down

Sbalconato – Be out of your mind

Incicognarsi – Get pregnant

Citofonarsi – Call someone by surname

Tirare tardi – To be late

Inciucio – Intrigue, a cheat, a mess

Un carnaio – Many people together in the same place

Abbioccarsi – falling asleep unexpectedly

Bordello – Problematic, confusing, and chaotic situation

Fottìo – Something that has happened or occurs in large quantities

Svalvolare – Loss of control

Rosicare – To be envious of something

Scazzato – A state of mind of malaise

Che pizza – a boring or bad thing

Sbroccare o sclerare – Getting angry and making a scene

Raga – Guys

Tranqui – abbreviation of the word “calm,” it means to stay calm

Che Figata – Cool

Meno male! – Luckily or thank goodness

Che schifo – How disgusting

Vivere alla giornata – Live in the moment

Pisolino – An Italian slang word that means “afternoon nap”

Hindi Slang

Yaar = Friend, used at the end of sentences for casual social interactions (including shopkeepers/autorickshaw drivers)

Achcha = good/okay/really?

Thik Hain = okay (+ head nod)

Arre = hey (with a higher tone = surprise, lower tone = exasperation)

Bas = that's it

Chakkar = dizziness

Funda = fundamentals

Ghanta = Yeah right

Jugaad = hack

Bakwaas = nonsense

Chalega = That will do

#how to write #writers and poets #writing #creative writing #poets and writers #creative writers #writers on tumblr #let's write #writeblr #helping writers #writerscommunity #resources for writers #writers #author #on writing #writer #writer stuff #writing prompt #writing tips #writing advice #writing inspiration #writing community #writer problems #writer things #writer community #writer on tumblr #female writers #writerscreed #writers block #writers community

[resowrites]

The Blackout - oneshot.

Summary: When the wifi goes down, Henry decides to make a thorough nuisance of himself…

Pairings: AU!Henry Cavill x Girlfriend!OC

Warnings: fluff, language, banter/British humour, pet names, nondescript OC body type/appearance, dialogue heavy, hastily written/lightly proofread.

WC: 2040

A/N: My work must not be copied, reposted, or translated elsewhere. Likes, follows, reblogs and comments are thoroughly welcome and appreciated! Gifs/pics not my own. I hope you all enjoy and thanks for visiting!

The Blackout - oneshot.

When she heard Henry jogging down the stairs, she assumed he'd just come down for some lunch. But instead, he stood in the door frame with his arms crossed and a huge grin on his face. "What? What are you so happy about?"

"Wifi's down…" She looked back at her stack of reports, knowing she'd have to wait for the internet to come back on before she could input any data. She sighed as she climbed to her feet, figuring she might as well take a break.

"Oh, well I'm going to go make lunch, you're welcome to join me if you want." Henry walked towards her with a knowing look in his eyes.

"Actually, I thought we could head upstairs, have some fun?"

"I don't think so, darling. I've got work to do. Anyway we did that this morning." She ignored his pout as she sauntered into the kitchen and gathered a load of food from the fridge.

"Oh come on, you can't do any work until the internet's back anyway." Henry came up behind her, resting his head on her shoulders and wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Actually I've still got reports to go through. Get off! I'm trying to make a sandwich here." He grinned into her neck, finally releasing her backside which he'd gripped firmly with in one hand.

"Cut the crusts off mine, and cut the tomato thinly." She took a deep breath as she finished buttering the two slices she'd intended for herself only.

"Get your own bloody lunch, this is for me." Henry pouted again but she just pointed at the loaf and the cutlery drawer behind her.

"You know, this is no way to treat me… what woman doesn't make sandwiches for her man?" But she ignored him, cramming a cherry tomato in his mouth instead.

"There, you've had your lunch, now bugger off and let me eat mine in peace." But Henry grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back towards the counter.

"No my lady, you need to show me the secret to your sandwiches, they never taste as good when I make them."

"I think not silly bollocks, you're just trying to get me to make them for you."

"I would do no such thing! Now come on, take me through it step by step." She huffed as she sat at the counter, pulling out a magazine as she started eating. He cleared his throat.

"Oh for fuck’s sake. You get two pieces, you butter one of them, you stick in fillings and then shove it in your gob."

"… You know, for a lady so well satisfied, you're pretty mean." She nearly choked on her drink.

"Can I please go sit in the living room? I want to be able to eat in peace." Henry tutted, scooping out a bit too much mustard. "Don't put on that much numpty, it's not Nutella."

"See! This is why I need you, I'm just a big dumb man." But she was too busy scraping half the mustard off his bread. Without her seeing, Henry grabbed one of her sandwiches.

"Oi! That's mine, give it back now!” He quickly shoved the rest of it in his mouth, speaking despite it still being full.

"Can't… there's none left…"

"Right that's it, lunchtimes over. Go on, upstairs, now."

"Why are you so eager to get rid of me? You got some other bloke you need to speak to?"

"Henry I'm not talking to you, you've come down to be a pain in the bum, not because you want to spend time with me." Henry’s eyes however were on her remaining sandwich, and he sneakily stole one of the tomato slices from out the bottom. That was the final straw. "Right, I'm going back to work. Finish your sandwich then piss off." But instead he hastily squished his two slices together and trailed her into the living room. She was determined to ignore try and ignore Henry, though that was a tall order when he was in these sorts of moods.

"Hey gannet, you don't have to shove eat that bloody quick. I wasn't going to ask you for any." She scoffed.

"No, that's because you ate most of it. If you're going to sit there and be irritating, pass me that folder will you?" He dutifully obliged, though most of his sandwich fell out on top of it. She managed to grab it just before he started licking it clean. "Oh, you mucky pup… there better not be any on my paperwork." She cast her eyes over at the router, hoping desperately that the wifi was working again. Instead, the small black box was blank. She sighed as she began reading the first paragraph, hearing Henry chew loudly in one ear. She shot him an annoyed glance.

"What? Want some?" She bit her lip, trying not to let his smirk get to her. She then pulled her laptop towards her, determined to take as many notes from the report as possible. But about five minutes into the task, she could feel Henry’s eyes on her. "What?" He burst out laughing. She took a deep breath and resolved to continue. Eventually, he'd get bored and slink off upstairs. Instead, Henry put down his empty plate and tried to snuggle up to her.

"Will you please stop! I'm trying to work." But he feigned innocence and planted a kiss on the side of her head.

"What? I'm just giving you a cuddle! I'm like your emotional support tool."

"You're a bloody tool alright..." She carried on typing away, flipping over the pages as she gradually got through the document.

"Hey wait a minute! I wasn't done reading that page." She pretended she couldn't hear him. Henry then pointed to a word in another report he'd picked up from the coffee table. "Hey, what does this say?" He pushed it right under her nose.

"… The." Henry fell back into the sofa with laughter.

"Aw, I love it when you're grumpy with me." At this, she threw her laptop aside and thumbed the remote.

"Here, watch tv and leave me to it please."

"Fine… be that way." He then started flicking through the channels, which in itself was enough to drive her cuckoo. She contemplated going upstairs and locking herself in the bathroom. The tv then started to blare Spanish audio.

"Henry, what the bloody hell are you doing?"

"I was trying to find the subtitles so you didn't have to hear!" She snatched the remote out of Henry’s hand and quickly shut the tv off.

"No you weren't, you were being a little shit like you have been this whole afternoon! If you want something to do, go take those boxes in the garage to the dump. Or you can paint the bathroom like I've asked a thousand times." His cheeky smile soon disappeared when he saw how serious her face looked.

"Fine my lady, I will return anon…" Henry kissed her hand and jumped off the sofa, leaving her in silence for what she hoped would be the rest of the afternoon.

***

About an hour passed and although she occasionally heard banging and crashing, she was otherwise able to get through the majority of her work undisturbed. That was until he returned with a huge cardboard box and placed it down in the middle of the living room. "What's all that?" She didn't really want to know, though it seemed he was going to show her anyway.

"This my love is some of the shit you asked me to clear out. But I'm going to check because I bet it's all my stuff." Henry then began rummaging around and the serenity she'd felt for the last hour quickly evaporated.

"Fine, just do it quietly." She busied herself with her spreadsheets before he gasped in horror.

"Hey, what are all these doing in here?" He held up a load of crushed miniature figures.

"What do you mean? They're all busted."

"That's because they're slain warriors! I need them for my battlefield reenactments." She gritted her teeth, trying desperately to think of some desert island far away.

"And why's my top hat in here? I wanted to wear that one day."

"To where? A magic show?" Henry snickered as he chucked it back in the box before giving the biggest gasp yet.

"What's my England jersey doing in here?" He held up a raggedy old rugby shirt with faded signatures scrawled over the front.

"Henry you didn't realise any of that stuff was even missing, now go take it to the dump, it'll be closed soon."

"I think not Madam, not until you tell me why you tried to throw out a priceless collector's item." She debated whether or not to drop the bomb.

"Henry, I wrote all those signatures on there. The England team didn't really sign your shirt."

"WHAT? What do you mean you signed it?" She closed her laptop in defeat, in fairness she'd done pretty well given most people aren't harassed at work by a Henry. She trudged into the kitchen with him plodding after her, still firing off questions. "How could you do that? I would never do that to you you know." She spun around holding up two large tins.

"Tea and biscuits?" That seemed to mollify him somewhat.

"Fine, I'll forgive this transgression… if you apologise."

"Apologise? Henry, you once bought me golf clubs! Then there was the time you got me a barbeque marinade kit, and we'll say nothing of the mop and bucket shall we?!” Henry looked down, realising he wouldn't win this particular argument.

"Fine. You can throw out all my precious stuff, but not the figures or my top hat." She squeezed her eyes as she stirred the tea, wondering if she could head into the office tomorrow instead of working from home.

"How many sugars?"

"Three, to make up for you being mean." She gently turned around, being careful not to spill hot tea anywhere.

"I'm mean?! Henry, you have not given me a moment's peace this entire afterno--" but the sight in front of her almost caused her to keel over. He’d stripped and was wearing the mankini his brother had gifted to him as a joke two Christmases ago.

"And how could you throw this out?" She refused to make eye contact with Henry, determined instead to head back into the living room. "I asked you a question, my lady." But when she sat down, she was almost eye level with his crotch which caused her to burst out laughing.

"Oh for God's sake you silly twat, take that off right now!" Henry shrugged and turned from her slightly. "Not in here, Jesus Christ… go upstairs. Our bloody neighbours can see through the curtains you know." But he didn't move, opting instead to undress where he stood. He even bent down to grab the mankini off the floor. She couldn't take it anymore.

"Hey, where are you off to in such a hurry? Stay here and enjoy this wondrous sight." Henry flexed one arm while cupping his manhood in the other.

"Nope, I'm at my limit, I'm driving to the office so I can get some work down. Go upstairs and shave, do your chest while you're there as well, you look like a bloody werewolf." At this he rushed towards her, every bit of him jiggling about.

"No don't go! I won't be a pain anymore, promise." But the look Henry gave her suggested otherwise. She tried to look elsewhere, determined to keep a smirk off her lips. "In fact, why don't you shave me? You can do my back as well."

"Henry, look at me, I already have a full time job. Do it yourself." But he wouldn't let her go, instead, he yanked her into a hug.

"Aw see, this is nice. Come on, let's have some fun…" Henry started pulling up her top when he noticed something blinking out the corner of his eye. "But we can do that later, wifi's back!" He shot up the stairs, his bare arse wiggling as he took two steps at a time. She could only look on in disbelief.

To be updated on when I post please follow @resowrites and turn on post notifications.

@greensleeves888 @kebabgirl67 @marytudorbrandon @identity2212 @inlovewithhisblueeyes @itsafansworld07 @pinkhippo44 @itsafansworld07

#henry cavill #henry cavill fandom #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill imagine

[effervescentdragon]

find someone else to annoy!!! any lando ship tbh

The expression on his father's face is nothing short of fury when he says "Lando, would you go and find someone else to inflict your, ah, vexatious opinions on, yes?"

It is not a suggestion; it is an order, pure and simole. Lando refrains himself from rolling his eyes and with a shallow bow towards his father's associates, he retreats. He had spotted the exit towards the gardens earlier, and by all the Gods, he is utilizing it, because he is done with this night.

He spots his sisters dancing and his mother observing them, and he weaves his way through the crowd before his mother, or God forbid, Oliver, spots him. He takes a glass from the table and leaves the ballroom. He does not run, not precisely, but he does hurry until he is finally outside.

"Bloody hell," he gasps, undoing his cravat as he ducks behind the columns in search of a bench where he can drink his wine undisturbed. He finds one in the shade but when he collapses on the flat surface, Lando finds his desire for wine diminished because, well. He can barely breathe.

"Come on," he whispers to himself. "Come on, not now, come on," he repeats until he can hear his words instead of the rushing of blood in his ears. He covers his eyes with his fists and breathes and breathes and breathes until he can actually take a breath that does not feel like glass shards coming down into his lungs.

He does not know how long he sits out there until a voice interrupts the silence.

"Hello. Are you - hello."

He turns, startled. A man steps out into the light from the path and Lando does not wish to contemplate how long he had been there. Affect ignorance, he thinks, and tries to smile.

"Hello. Are you here for some peace, too?"

The man steps closer and Lando notices that he is quite handsome. His skin is the darker shade that is found in the Mediterranean kindoms and his attire denotes high class. The expression on his face is neutral, but Lando does notice some worry in his eyes.

"I, ah, well. Not precisely." Spanish, Lando thinks. His accent is Spanish, and his voice is nice. "I could not help but overhear, I-"

"What?" Lando asks, wary and angry and so so tired. "What have you overheard, Sir?"

The man rakes a hand through his hair. Lando watches his lips purse and feels the need to blush, thanking the Gods their little part of the garden is enshrouded in darkness.

The man opens his mouth, then closes it. Lando feels himself become agitated, but before he can say something silly, and with it probably insult Spanish royalty, knowing his luck, the man speaks.

"I was actually interested in these, ah. Vexatious opinions of yours, Mister Norris?"

Lando blinks. The man smiles at whatever he sees on his face.

"I - you know my name," Lando says, gripping the edge of the stone bench tight. "But I do not know yours."

The man purses his lips. "My name is - Carlos. You can call me Carlos." He smiles, and it transforms his face. "If you do not mind the lack of formalities for the moment."

Bugger, Lando thinks. He is beyond handsome.

"I - don't," Lando stammers, finding out he is speaking the truth. "If you do not mind being subjected to my opinions."

"Not in the least," Carlos says. "I am actually quite looking forward to hearing them."

He comes closer and pauses. Lando gestures to the bench, and Carlos sits down with a small bow. He smells like oranges, Lando thinks, and then, Oh, fuck.

#i have been obsessed w that carlando regency au sooooooii #carlando #f1 rpf #c tag <3 #effervescentdragonwrites #my writing #i dont know what thi is but its 2am and im beat

[lets-try-some-writing]

Oooh, can we get a directory’s commentary on the Blind Starscream AU and the Starscream Knitting AU? I know they are small AUs, but I enjoy rereading them from time to time. Plus they involve my favorite (troubled) Seeker. Also maybe one for Broken Record too because that one was just so gosh darn good! Please and Thank you!

I got you! I love giving my thoughts on the writing! Also I seriously adore the Starscream knitting AU and I have fun with the Blind Starscream AU too. I just ran out of ways to continue them. Any ideas for them would be gladly accepted :3

Blind Starscream

It was born of a request, and honestly I wasn't the most enthused with it because I had no plot to give the AU. It was a concept game rather than a story for me. Not a bad thing from time to time, but I like having a story to follow to write for. However with that said, it is a fun one and I recall having a great time thinking about how frickin funny it must be to watch Optimus yeet water at Screamer because he's scared of the bugger.

Extra tidbit about this AU: Starscream actually thinks its super funny to pretend he can see, but ONLY around ST3V3 the Vehicon. Starscream will act as though he can see perfectly and stare with lightless optics right into the Vehicon's visor. ST3V3 is terrified, but not a spark believes him when he says Starscream can see and absolutely can end their lives. Well, they believe the second part, but most don't question Starscream's blindness.

Starscream Knitting

It has been a VERY long time since I last looked at this AU. I hardly remember where it began, but I know it was made when I still didn't know how to format anything in visually pleasing and rational way. I don't go back and read my old work for a reason. (lll￢ω￢)

That said, I have had one image in my head since I learned about how running a small business works. Starscream, with stupidly colorful packaging, slowly and carefully getting every package done with his giant frickin claws. Oh! And those nails are absolutely manicured so that he can take videos and pretend he's just a really stylish knitter. He will never admit he enjoys his claws being painted a vivid red.

He secretly watches manicure videos online and asks Knockout to do him up every now and then.

Broken Record

Oh boy. The emotions were STRONG with this fic. It was the week before midterms and I was STRESSING. So of course I gave my baby some trauma to make me feel better. I was actually at work most of the time while writing Broken Record. I listened to City of the Dead on repeat the whole bloody time because it set the mood. No escape. No victory. No hope. Only loss.

Tidbit about Smokey in this fic: He did absolutely everything under the sun to make things work, and while not shown super closely in the fic because I enjoy being somewhat sane, he had a DEEP relationship with the team. He came to see Arcee as a sister in a sense. He adored her and looked up to her for many long loops before he had to pull away and then grew to see how badly her grief was hurting her. He wasn't the closest with Bulkhead and Wheeljack, but he shared many long nights alongside them, talking about the slightly happier aspects of war. Bumblebee he saw as a brother and eventually a ward as time dragged on. As he matured, he felt the need to watch over the scout, just as Optimus did. This was never fully expressed in the fic, but if given the chance, Smokescreen would take up a parental mantle if only to honor the fallen. He was especially close with Ratchet, that with the medic being the closest mech he ever had to a father.

Surprising right? You would think he's see Optimus that way. However he can't see Optimus like that. In his optics, Optimus is like a ghost. He learns from the mech, but Optimus is a strange thing for Smokescreen. A living dead mech. As much as Smokescreen bonded to the Prime, it was all a very solemn thing. But him and Ratchet? He loves Ratchet as a son would his father. Ratchet was always there for him, always offering comfort instead of the cold conformation of loss that Optimus gave. I didn't have enough time to write it, but I really wanted a scene where Ratchet tucked Smokescreen in after a long day and even managed to get the truth from him. I wanted to write one loop where Ratchet knew, and all he could do was hold Smokescreen's servo and weep as the loop came to an end.

Another tidbit: I fully intend to write a prequel with Orion and his trial. And let me tell you, what I have envisioned is ROUGH. It will take me a hot minute to write I think, simply because writing Broken Record required me to have a VERY off mental state to make it happen. However when I write it, let me say now that Orion Pax will have no frame of reference and do far worse things than Smokescreen in an attempt to get out. There could have been other ways to get out, but after so long? He just wanted to be free, no matter the harm it caused to Megatron at the Council chambers.

#transformers #maccadam #transformers prime #optimus prime #smokescreen #ratchet #broken record au #starscream #blind starscream #author's notes #lets try some writing mumbles

[blackjackkent]

Our starting point for hunting down the beast that killed Holli is to ask around among the fishermen at Grey Harbor to see if any of them can point us to the location where they found her body.

However, I went to look around the temple before heading out, and found a passageway down by the waters edge that led into its basement, where some of the local faithful seem to be hanging out.

They also have a dead frog on the table.

Sadly, going further into this room gets me the hairy eyeball from the priestesses hanging around so I had Hector back out for now. There are a few other doors inside the temple that are also off limits ("There's nothing for you up here, flotsam."). Hopefully we can get a better look around later.

Off to the fishermen!

The men in question are hard at work trying to scrub a heavy black stain off of their boat.

"Hells, it's everywhere still. Don't suppose you've got any experience getting oil out of sealed wood?"

Hector does not. He also has more important questions, such as, "Oil? That isn't black blood?"

The sailor flinches slightly and sets his jaw. "Course not! You've been talking to that lot from the Water Queen's House, haven't you? Now did you want something or do you just have an interest in fishing vessels."

Hector is still no great shakes at conversation, but he's finding he's starting to get rather adept at asking after mysteries; he's certainly getting a lot of practice. "I'm looking into the death of a waveservant," he says briskly. "Do you know anything about it?"

The sailor seems to relax a little. "Oh, sure. In fact, we fished her out of the water. Me and Fleer here were out on the water casting our nets, expecting to find the usual crop of halibut. Then all of a sudden my net starts dragging and there's a bloody waveservant all twisted up in it! We took her back to the docks to try and help her but she was already dead."

"Did you see anything else unusual?"

"We both saw some sort of wake moving towards the docks when we picked her up. But there weren't any other boats around. Maybe it was something big moving underwater? I dunno. It was weird, whatever it was. Kind of looked like it might have been heading towards that building across the channel, actually." He jerks his head east to indicate where a large warehouse sits on the edge of the dockyards.

Well, that seems like a solid lead. Hector nods gratitude. He has one more question though: "Why are there so many dead fish floating in the harbor?"

(A/N: It's news to me that there even are dead fish floating in the harbor but I guess Hector has better eyes than I do. We have overheard some fishermen's conversations about how their catches are all rotten, though, so I guess this explains that.)

"Buggered if I know," the young man says wearily. "Might be something to do with all that oil in the water. Too bad we can't sell 'em - bloody waste if you ask me."

Hm. No real answers here, but at least we know where we're going next! (Roughly.)

#bjk plays baldur's gate 3 #hector carlisle

[theviridianbunny]

WIP WEDNESDAY - 21/06/23

Don't think i've done a WIP wednesday since... god January - but anyways- I saw that @wanderingaldecaldo tagged me in her most recent WIP wednesday post- so i'm joining in

So bunny- what are you workin on at the moment?

Welp- to be honest I am working on so many things- my brain is always in 80 places (maybe more ahah) - but i'll pick a few things that are at the front of my brain:

MORE LIPSTICK STAIN MODS~!!!

Valerie Vermillion and Mitch Anderson for @wanderingaldecaldo

Yes- You read that right-!! I'm working on a few more lipstick mods. Branching out and am goign to make a few texture edits for a few other characters. Right now I'm planning on making them for Mitch and Misty- but then soon I plan to more more for Jackie-!!

OTP TO THIS - AU: GLITCH IN THE MATRIX

A screenshot from this recent post about the AU~

Posted about this AU yesterday- but i'll rammble about it again because it's taking up ALL of my coherent thoughts-!! Glitch in the matrix is the name for a CP2077 AU revolving around Jackie and Viridian. Jackie is in the role of Neo - Viridian is his Trinity - !!!

I’m planning on creating art and fics and cp2077 vp for this AU as well- but for now i'm mostly just shopping for mods- creating doodles and re watching my fave clip from the first film on repeat (you can watch it below~!)

I am so bloody hyped to re create that scene in VP- or art- or writing-!!! One of my irl friends said it was a very cool idea- smashing two of my big interests together to create something so special and important to me~!!

A BRAND NEW PC SET UP!!!!

My new pc set up!!

Now- this 100% counts as a big WIP!! Ever since I started to learn wolvenkit and modding a few weeks ago- the thought of getting a second monitor had been on my mind- and by chance- a local charity shop was selling a second hand one for £10-!!

So I bought that- but then realised "oh bugger- I need a VGA to HDMI adaptor" and bought one of them- only to realise I DID NOT HAVE A SPARE HDMI SLOT ON MY TOWER/ IN MY GPU (i thought it could be plugged into a diffrent hdmi slot- but when nothing worked- i was screaming on the inside) -!!I panicked because I know NOTHING about computers or how any thing really works-

Luckily some of my irl friends helped me choose the right cables and everything (turns out I needed a DVI to DVI cable-)- that cable came in the post today and I finally got my second monitor set up!!! Now I can have SO MANY WINDOWS OPEN WEHEEHYY-!!

OK-!!! tagging @halsin @chessalein @heywoodvirgin @vox-monstera @indorilnerevarine @vrovij @juststayquiete @chevvy-yates @imaginarycyberpunk2023 @elvenbeard @chipped-chimera @timaeusterrored @withoutyouimsaskia and you (yes you- the awesome human reading this)- what have you been making recently?? I'd love to see!!

#bunny screams into the void #wip wednesday #cp2077 #the matrix #cyberpunk 2077 #bunny makes mods #au: glitch in the matrix #mitch anderson #valerie vermilion #oc: viridian #jackie welles #otp: to this #bunny writes stuff #work in progress wednesday #cyberpunk 2077 mods

[talesfromsiteredacted]

Random Things Dr. Iceberg Has Said While Hunched Over His Desk Asleep

Dr. Julian Iceberg is many things. Touchy, sarcastic, a fan of bad ninja movies, a sucker for good pecan pie, and... kinda funny as a sleeptalker. Since he's really gotten up a lot of noses, and Dr. Gears likes me, it's our frosty sourpuss's turn to get teased. Big Boss spilled plenty of iced tea on the subject.

"Wait... since when do we have whoopee cushions as part of our kit?"

"Big banana boy." Repeated ten times, we have no banana anomalies of any kind, as far as I know.

"Silk hose? Really? This the modern age, or the pirate age?"

"I'm gonna keyhaul him right into a volcano."

"No, no, no. No. No. Nein, nyet, non, not happening. I do not get paid enough to paint 682's nails. Ask 053, he likes her. Oh? Why didn't you just ask to borrow my blue polish?"

"For 343's sake, Bright! Naked yoga is an in-quarters only activity! O5 told you this!"

"Dyo. Wash. Your. Bits. I'm getting blinded by your blinged-out dong."

"Why are they green?"

"You're gonna need a bigger gun, Alto." A pause. "Bigger. Like an AC 130 big. Well, don't ask me then. Sheesh."

"Since when did lasagna get on the menu?"

"You have a choice: put on clothes, or get the hose." Long pause. "Gender appropriate clothes. No one wants to see you in a miniskirt."

"Run. Faster. Go faster. Clowns are coming, must go faster."

"Choke on a Deagle, Insurgency bastard!"

"I WILL SHOVE YOUR HEAD SO FAR UP YOUR ASS YOU CAN WATCH ME BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF YOU! DON'T CALL ME 'JULIE'!" No idea where that came from, but that was at 3 am on a Monday. When Iceberg.exe crashes, he crashes hard. He was there for hours, I heard.

"Hey, 076? Settle a bet, please? You wear the loincloth because it's cooler than pants, right?"

"My feet are NOT happy."

"For the ninth and final time, PUT ON SOME PANTS! I want to see a dong, I'll call Dr. Bright."

"Huh. This a cupcake, or the stone 073 used to kill 076-2 the first time?"

"WHO PUT CLOWN MAKEUP ON THE KETCHUP PUPPIES?!?"

"Pffft. So you got a jar of dirt. We have literal God and Foundation funding on our side, my good sir."

"Finally, something Mabel made that doesn't taste of Styrofoam." (aggressively chews file folders) "These hotcakes need some syrup."

"There is no Dr. Iceberg, only Zuul!"

"Dad! Bruce is sitting on me. Again."

"Jack. Get YOUR head out of MY ass."

"No... not the pink snowball suit! I'll be good, Boss, I promise! I don't want to be a snack cake!"

"You don't scare me. I've seen Dr. Gears angry."

"Fish."

"Do I look like I know what's going on?"

"No. Grape. Soda."

"Uh... didn't think Jello shots involved firearms, but your party, Alto."

"This is the weakest coffee I ever had. This isn't even coffee, it's the ghost of Java past. If I set this down and walk away, I bet $100 4999 pays it a visit."

"Eat this, you big ugly undead asshole."

"Leather pants? Hope you powdered yourself, otherwise... ouch."

"Duck. I mean... Duck!" A pause, then laughter. "And now you have literal egg on your face. I told you there was a duck."

"I'm allergic to peanuts. I'll skip "Peanut Butter Jelly Time", thanks."

"Uh... why is there A GIANT FREAKING BUTTHOLE in the Astrophysics Labs?"

"Bugger off, it's my panini."

"Leggo my Lego, Bright! That's my bloody X-Wing, I built it fair and square!"

"Touch my boots, I'll freeze your hands off."

"Coffee. Black. Never mind the mug, I'll drink it straight from the carafe."

#scp foundation #tales from site redacted #dr iceberg #funny grumpy ice bastard

[cthulhusstepmom]

Gaz finds out a couple of weeks after Price.

It's a complete accident and not even a fault on Soap's part really, unless you count getting the wrong type of bin.

It's some time in the middle of the night, Gaz doesn't know, Gaz can't be bothered to say. What he does know is that there's an intruder in his room ruffling around on the floor. "Ye wee foockin son of a bitch yer gonna wish ye were nae foockin born" ....Fucking Soap?

He doesn't even bother getting up. "Soap what the bloody fuck are you doin in here mate??"

The cursing on his floor goes silent. He's about to ask more when he feels a slight pressure on his calf, ready at this point to accept that Soap just wants cuddles and drag him on to the bed he's nowhere near prepared for the sharp pinch that clamps down on his leg.

"Jesus Mary and Joseph Soap what the hell??" He squeals at the same time Soap declares "I've got ye wee bastard!"

He looks down just in time for Soap to rip his covers and grab a... thing that had been attached to his leg, cradling it in his palms with a stern look.

"You gonna explain what the fuck just happened to me?" Soap, now looking appropriately sheepish holds up his palms like an offering. In them, cradled delicately in calloused hands is a baby turtle the size of a golfball. Little bugger is fucking cute too.

"I ah had them in ma closet...they wernae sposed to get out but the bin locks are shit. Think he could hear the water from your tanks or somethin, slipped right under the door."

Gaz, properly awake now, is taken to Soap's room with the little snapping turtle. He realizes for as good of friends as he is with the man he'd never actually been in his room, now he knows why.

"Mate there's no fucking room in here!"

"Ach ah know, I donnae have a space for turtles but they just hatched a couple days ago."

Gaz laughs. "Soap I meant for you ya fuckin muppet!"

Soap blinks. "Well I can get to the bathroom, and if I get chilly I can just curl on up in there with Wee Man."

Gaz takes it in, he admittedly doesn't know the first thing about reptiles but everything looks pretty fucking mint, fake and real plants all over, big sticks and caves to hide in, not to mention the size of the things. They don't look like much on the outside, sheets of blank plywood that look just the slightest bit slap glued. But the fronts have well installed sliding glass doors and the insides are all painted with hand drawn jungle and desert scenes and sealed expertly with silicone.

"You make this?" Gaz asks, gesturing to the enclosures.

Soap looks up from where he's contorted himself to get into his closet, fiddling with the bin that the baby turtles had escaped from where it sits on a heat pad.

"Oh aye, nothing much to look at but it gets the job done."

"Fuckin mint."

#some jackasses were fucking with a snappjng turtle nest after the mom got hit by a car so Soap got called in #he incubated the eggs while the Laswell's got a baby tank set up #if Soap had an inch of spare space he would but he is literally parkouring around his bedroom with a mildly venomous snake in his bathroom #Gaz likes turtles and hes thought about doing a turtle tank before but his real love is and always will be fish #not seen:Price sprinting around the base trying to find the other turtles while Soap's infiltrating Gaz's room #Soap loves drawing his little scale children and he does a portrait of each of the ones hes rescued #cod mw2 #fish person gaz #john soap mactavish #kyle gaz garrick #john price #reptile person soap

[raygirlramblings]

I can't bear it any longer. I have to share my thoughts on the Mario Movie because I have next to no one in real life to gush over this with and the next best thing is to scream into the lonely Tumblr void.

SPOILERS BELOW

I gotta say like 90% of the criticism levelled against this movie by critics and fans and haters alike can be countered with 'it's made for a target market of 6 to 12 year olds, adjust your expectations.'

LUIGI IS BEST BOY

NO REALLY

I don't get people who are upset that he's not in the movie more because Mario's entire reason for existing is to save Luigi. Luigi is endgame.

Seriously Mario gets his ass handed to him so many times in this movie. Almost everyone in this film got to take a whack at him, even Peach XD The Bowser/Mario fight at the end, poor lad could barely stand and STILL faced off with Bowser. Tenacious little bugger.

Knowing that Mario would throw himself into such physical danger to save Luigi is both heart-warming and heart-breaking. You can imagine that Luigi is the only thing that can make him stop.

Princess Peach more like Princess PARKOUR.

No really I loved Peach though I found her animation a little uncanny? But her personality was just right. Classy, Sassy and a little bit unhinged :)

Music choices were bloody weird. One of the few cases where Bonnie Tyler felt wildly out of place. More orchestral Mario music and less Kill Bill plz.

Luigi is such a golden boy. The part where Bowser is interrogating him and threatening to rip off his moustache, he asks if Mario is the kind of guy a princess would fall in love with, and LUIGI, WITHOUT MISSING A BEAT, is like 'YES MY BRO IS A TOTAL CATCH'. GOD DAMN. Little guy is scared for his life and he is still Mario's biggest wingman. He doesn't even seem to ponder the question. Sure you can say he's just giving answers to stop the torture but something in the line just screams he believes it to his core. What an A+ little bro

I was a little confused by the Toad personality they picked. Is 'outdoorsman adventurer' Toad a game character? Not that I didn't like it, I'm just wondering what the basis of that personality choice was.

Jack Black as Bowser was just having too much fun.

BABY MARIO. BABY LUIGI. BABY PEACH

I loved the scene where Bowser is 'practicing' proposing to Peach with Kamek playing Peach, and they are both so into it that even when a guard interrupts them they seem more annoyed than embarrassed XD Like 'dude we're in the MIDDLE OF SOMETHING can't it WAIT?!'

Kamikaze blue shell Koopa was NOT what I was expecting to see in this movie. Damn

Yes the scene where Mario and Luigi finally reunite was so PERFECT ♥ I could watch their joyful hugs until the heat death of the universe. The bit just after Mario lands and he looks like he's about to cry before he hugs Luigi, I just see a 'oh shit i almost lost you in boiling lava I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE ALIVE LET ME HUG YOU AND HOLD YOUR FACE JUST TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE REALLY HERE ;-; ' moment.

'Why are you dressed like a bear?!' Luigi I adore you. Charlie Day gets a gold star.

I don't get why everyone hated Donkey Kong's voice, I honestly didn't find it that bad. 'He's just Seth Rogan being Seth Rogan'...yeah and? The voice fit? It wasn't out of character? They got a guy who's voice fit the obnoxious, bombastic Donkey Kong personality, I'm not seeing an issue. Maybe I just don't watch enough Seth Rogan stuff to find his voice jarring.

So many Easter eggs from all sorts of Nintendo properties.

LUIGI FACING HIS FEARS TO PROTECT MARIO FROM A FIRE BLAST HE IS TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD I LOVE HIM.

I made a prediction a week ago with a workmate where I said 'Mario will get to use all the powers in the movie and show them off, but in the end Luigi will get to use the invincibility star to save the day'....and I was totally half right :)

'See I told you I'd get you a turtle', MARIO XD

Had a convo with a workmate about this. It's interesting that the main conflicts in the film for Mario and Luigi individually (as in their own flaws they want to overcome) is that Mario hates being seen as small and worthless, and Luigi struggles with being cowardly and less assertive than Mario. And yet neither of these issues are the main problem that needs resolving. It's ALL about the brothers working together. 'It's gonna be ok as long as we're together' is the mantra. Mario isn't fighting Bowser to prove his worth or be a hero or even to be Peach's knight. He's fighting to get his brother back. Luigi leaps in to save Mario when things get hairy but the manhole cover wouldn't have stood up for very long. Mario proving himself and Luigi overcoming his cowardlyness is not what ultimately saves the day. The two brothers being together, fighting side by side and using Bowser's power against him does. And it's lovely. Mario may always have issues with people looking down on him, and Luigi might always be the anxious one, but that doesn't matter, because they have eachother's backs and they KNOW together they can save the world.

YOSHI.

#Super Mario Bros Movie #Super Mario Bros movie spoilers #mario movie spoilers #raygirl's ramblings

[idabbleincrazy]

Intrinsic (1/?)

Fandom: Angel (Buffyverse)

Rating: M (for now)

Pairing: Spangel

Word Count: 786

Warnings: snark, body swap, feelings of arousal, humor

Summary: Some things go deeper than the subconscious.

A/N: Written for @julybreakbingo for the prompt 'body swap'. Will be split into parts as I was low on time. Smut in the next part!

“Dammit, Angel, you just had to piss off the Grand Warlock of the Thalegian Order. Told you to leave the translatin’ to me. Now just look at us. God, is that my voice now...and here I thought your brogue was bloody grating on the ears.”

Spike looked down at the body he was currently wearing, scoffed, and looked back over at his own with what he hoped was a scathing glare.  

“My voice is fine when I’m speaking English…”, Angel responded poutily.

“I am speaking bloody English! It just sounds so friggin’ poncey in your affected accent. Ugh, why’d you have to make yourself so sodding American?”

“Excuse me? I’m not the only one who sounds completely different from when they were human here! William was an upper class yuppie, not some working class guttersnipe. It’s like My Fair Lady in reverse.”

“Oh, you would go with the poofy musical version of that! Suppose I should be surprised you even knew that reference in the first place.”

Their arguing lasted throughout the elevator ride up to the penthouse, only petering out as Spike threw his now-bulkier body down onto the couch with a groan. He looked over at himself - Angel - where he was fixing them both a glass of whiskey, and felt his body - Angel's body - bloody, fucking, confusing Christ! His body! - tingle with a shiver of arousal that raced down his spine. Well, there's a kicker. 

"Look, Wesley said the reversal spell should be ready by tomorrow night. We just have to lay low up here until then; I'm not having you trying to run the firm, and no one'll take me seriously looking like you. The others will take care of things downstairs and make sure word doesn't get out about this mishap."

Spike ignored the dual jibe about his looks and competency as he accepted the tumbler of alcohol. 

"Fine, whatever." Looking Angel over, he felt that jolt of arousal again, his slacks tightening uncomfortably. He shifted on the couch, trying to find more room for the cock he felt lengthening between his legs. "Christ, Angel, do you never wank, or are even more of a horny bugger than I remember?"

Angel coughed around the mouthful of whiskey he'd just taken and jerked back away from Spike. 

"What?" 

"Knew you still wanted me, pet, just didn't know it was this bad. Even with my mind up here, your body's workin' on autopilot."

"Want you?! What the hell are you talking about, Spike?"

Spike schooled his features into what he hoped was the smarmy, knowing look he'd always gotten riled up over when seen on Angel's face, and felt a sense of absurdity as he watched his own jaw clench. 

"Can't lie to me now, luv. Your body's reactin' to mine, and I can feel all of it."

"Well, you always were conceited, maybe you're just getting off on the sight of yourself."

Spike dragged his eyes down Angel's lean body, smirking as his gaze rested on his crotch. 

"If that's true, then you're as conceited as me, mate. You can be thankful I don't wear briefs, elsewise you'd be feeling like your knackers were being squeezed off right about now."

Angel growled and stood back up, putting space between them and wrapping the duster around him, Spike's own unconscious defense mechanism kicking in.

"Whatever's happening to your body is your own doing, Spike, just like whatever's happening to my body is your own doing. I don't feel that way about you anymore; that was Angelus, not me."

Spike felt a spark of anger flare, followed by the sting of rejection. He might've given up the line of thinking he'd been following, had it not been for the fact that his cock still throbbed even as he glowered at Angel. This body wanted his, he was sure of it. 

"Oh, yeah? Prove it."

“How? How the fuck am I supposed to prove to you that it’s nothing to do with my subconscious or feelings when either of our bodies react right now?”

"We'll take a page outta Fred's book and run an experiment. Ain't got nothing but time to kill anyway, and if you're so bloody sure of yourself, you've nothing to lose. Not chicken, are ya?"

Angel sneered at him, and Spike knew he had him. 

"Ugh, fine. If it'll get you off my fucking case and knock you down another peg, just tell me what your idea of an experiment is. And, I reserve the right to tell you 'I told you so' for the next goddamn century."

"Oh, I think I'll be the one lordin' it over you till the end of time, pet." 

“Let’s just get this over with.”

*****

All Things Spike: @leatafandom

#july break bingo #a:ts fanfic #buffyverse fanfic #spangel #lime

[heartofspells]

@wolfstarmicrofic

Prompt: insult

"Bet you all your chocolate stash she hexes him again."

"That's a bet I won't be taking only because we both know she will."

"That's fine. It's not like you don't share with me whenever I ask."

"And that will continue so long as you don't tell Prongs where I hide it."

"Evans – Lily – your hair, it's…it's captivating! It's like sunlight reflecting off water. It blinds me. And your eyes, they're just so green. Like – like – like Slytherin green, but better than that because they're all a bunch of whinging twats – no, wait! Let me finish!"

There's a pause in the conversation as they listen from where they're hiding in the bushes, just near enough to hear parts of the wooing crashing into fiery doom close to their leafy hideout. Neither Remus nor Sirius stops in their current endeavor of charming the dirt into small armies to attack one another.

"Fair enough. Remind me again, where's Wormy? Is he meant to be charming Gilbert to sing?"

"Pete's on pixie duty. I wouldn't trust him with the squid – and will you please stop calling him Gilbert, Pads? It confuses the younger years. They keep asking me if you've a leprechaun locked in your truck. Which is just as absurd, but that's the rumor."

Sirius snorts. "Never. Can't take back a name, Moony. That's just cruel. And there's been worse said about me. Having a leprechaun might not be so bad." He stops, mind wandering away before it turns back around. "Pixies? I don't remember that. Why don't I remember that?"

"I don't know," says Remus with a small sigh, almost like he can't be bothered. "James thought it was a good idea – couldn't talk him out of it – and you know Peter. He jumped at the chance to please. He'll regret that."

"Wanker," mocks Sirius. "You'd think he'd have learned by now that James never has good ideas. That's what we're for. Oh, hang on a tick." Responding to some cue, Sirius twirls his wand lazily by his side, eyes not leaving his army. Lilies float slowly from the sky, a few sailing over their heads. Remus knocks them away absently. "Bet we could get Prongs to buy the chocolate after all this. You know how he mopes. It's easy to convince him of anything when he's in the throes of rejection."

"Good point. Let's plan for that. He'll probably buyout all of Honeydukes after this travesty."

Sirius hums. "You're down to three," he informs.

"Bugger."

"James Potter, you are an insult to humankind and a permanent stain I can't remove from my daily life!"

There's a sharp yelp, followed by several smaller grunts. "Evans – Lily! – wait, just hear me – bloody – no! Not the hair!"

Sirius glances up, meeting Remus' eyes with a wide, toothy grin even as he pushes his army forward to battle against Remus' remaining figures. "Chocolate for weeks, Moons," he voices smugly. He glances down briefly before looking back up. "I win."

#wolfstar #sirius black #remus lupin #sirius x remus #sirius/remus #wolfstarmicrofic #my writing #my microfics #holli writes

[esthermitchell-author]

(4/5) The Starmaker's Daughter (FanFic based on Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett)

Part IV: Beneath The Stars

St. James's Park, London -- 1 Year Later

They'd settled into a life of relative peace -- or as much peace as a new baby could allow two beings who, between them, had relatively little experiencing raising a child could reasonably expect -- now that Heaven was a much-kinder place, thanks in no small part to Aziraphale's efforts, and Hell knew bloody better than to ever threaten him or his again.

Settled onto their bench in the park, Crowley kept a close -- though he tried his best to not appear to be doing so at all -- watch over the love of his life and their one-year-old daughter, where the pair stood near the pond, Aziraphale patiently handing Jemmy peas to throw to the ducks. Honestly, probably as many peas went in Jemmy as got dropped on the ground at their feet for the ducks, and he struggled to hold back laughter as he watched. She didn't have the manual skill to throw the peas, so she just opened her hand and kind of dropped them at the angel's feet, where the ducks -- buggers knew they were safe around the pair -- made themselves at home squabbling over the no doubt half-mashed vegetables. Didn't matter much. Jemmy was having the time of her life, squealing with happiness and bouncing in Aziraphale's grasp.

Crowley straightened slightly, a hiss going through him, as he sensed something nearby. A presence he hadn't sensed since he'd gone to Heaven to fight by Aziraphale's side.

"Don't even think about it," he hissed to the presence he felt behind him. "Or I will make what I did in Heaven look like a bloody party favor when I get done with Hell."

"I heard something about a child," the voice behind him was feminine, but utterly lacking in any kind of grace. "I didn't believe it. But, then, I thought it was a rumor when it started going 'round Hell you'd actually married that pathetic excuse for an angel, last year."

Crowley rose to his feet, pouring every ounce of menace he possessed into his glare as he stared down the demon -- dressed in a burgundy dress and hat as if she was on her way to afternoon tea -- standing a few feet behind the bench. "Don't think I won't utterly discorporate you where you stand, Shax."

"Oh, would you relax." Shax waved one hand dismissively. "I was just curious. There are whispers, you know. In Hell."

"Hell can keep its whispers to itself," Crowley ground out, placing himself very deliberately between Shax and line of sight to Aziraphale and Jemmy.

"They're saying--"

"I. Don't. Care." He enunciated each word separately. "Any of you fuckers come near Aziraphale or our daughter, and I will rip Hell down, piece by piece--"

"If I don't flood it with holy water, first." Aziraphale's voice, from behind him, was icy with contempt. "What are you doing here, Shax?"

"Angel, leave this to me. Take--"

"No." Crowley heard the hard thread of angelic power in Aziraphale's voice and turned just in time to scoop his arms protectively around Jemmy as the angel held their daughter out to him. "Take her for a walk. I'll deal with this."

Crowley watched Shax's eyebrow lift in mockery, then fall as a wariness crept over her face in response to something she must see in Aziraphale's face he never had.

"C'mon, poppet," he murmured to Jemmy, cuddling her close to himself as he felt the beginning stir of her frightened whimper. "Let's go find you a nice lolly, huh?"

He deliberately didn't turn back to check on Aziraphale or let himself listen to what was said. If he'd learned anything from his angel's rise to Supreme Archangel, it was that Aziraphale could take care of himself, when he wanted to. Right now, Crowley was going to focus on cheering up his upset little girl. He trusted his angel to tell him if there was anything they needed to worry about, later.

******

Rooftop, A.Z. Fell and Co Bookshop, Soho, London -- Later that Night

Night had fallen some time ago, and Aziraphale released a quiet breath of contentment. They were out on the roof of the bookshop, a blanket spread on the roof and Crowley sprawled out beside him, staring up at the stars. Jem was settled in Aziraphale's lap, her head tipped way back to look up at the stars, too, while Crowley raised one arm to point off toward a corner of the night sky.  "It's out that way, Jemmy. A big, pink-and-blue cloud of cosmic dust and gas, and it made all those stars, right there."

Jem just stared and clapped, laughing when Crowley dropped his arm and long fingers dug lightly into her side, tickling her. "Ah, you don't understand yet, poppet. You just see pretty lights. But someday..."

Aziraphale's throat tightened at the wistful tone in Crowley's voice. It hurt his heart, constantly, to know he couldn't give Crowley back the stars. Not like he really deserved. The only way to do that would be to make Crowley an angel, again, and they both knew it wouldn't be right. It wasn't what Crowley wanted and, if he was honest with himself, it wasn't what Aziraphale wanted (for) him. Crowley was -- every beautiful, hellfire inch of him -- a demon. Years ago, Crowley thought Aziraphale wanted to change that. He'd misunderstood. Changing Crowley would have always been wrong.

He'd just wanted to give him back the stars. He'd wanted to show Heaven -- to show God -- they'd misjudged Crowley.

Turned out, the Almighty had done nothing of the sort. She'd always made Crowley to become what he was. A Starmaker with curiosity as vast as the cosmos he helped create. A demon who could love. Love the stars, love humanity, love a ridiculous angel who hadn't been able to see the truth staring him in the face. A demon who could love this little girl of theirs with the ferocity to threaten all of Hell to keep her safe.

"Shax won't give us any more problems," he murmured to Crowley now, glancing toward his demon. "I don't believe anyone else in Hell will, either."

Crowley snorted, then rolled to his side to face him. "What did you say to her, anyway?"

Aziraphale's brows raised in surprise, even as he released his hold on Jem so she could crawl to Crowley. "You didn't listen?"

"Nope." The demon smiled down at their daughter as she snuggled herself in against him, her head on his bicep as her inquisitive gaze tracked back and forth between them.

"Oh. I told her to spread the word in Hell that if any of them tried to bother us or Jem again, they'd be drinking exclusively holy water from now on, and then I gave her a little vision of what that might look like."

Crowley fell back to the blanket, laughing freely. "Bet that'll do it."

"Serves her right," Aziraphale muttered, unapologetic. He was still sore at the demoness for both interrupting his party a few years ago, and for what she hinted at when she accosted him in the Bentley. "Fancy saying I wasn't your type."

Crowley froze, his mirth dying away, before he lifted his head to stare at Aziraphale. "She wot, now?"

Aziraphale flushed. He hadn't meant to tell Crowley about that. Waving his hand, he hurried, "It was nothing."

"Angel." Crowley shifted, scooping up their now sleepy daughter and depositing her in Aziraphale's lap, looming over the angel. "What are you talking about? What did that bi--" he glanced down at Jem, then modified, "what did she say?"

"Oh, it was a long time ago."

"Aziraphale. It was this afternoon."

Aziraphale avoided Crowley's gaze, choosing to focus on their daughter, instead, as he shook his head. "This was before."

"Just how long have you known Shax?"

Aziraphale's gaze came up with a start. Was that a thread of jealousy he heard in Crowley's tone? Oh, yes. The hellfire was definitely rising in the demon's goldenrod eyes. "Oh! No, not like that. It was... let me think... well, back when I took the Bentley to Edinburgh, that time. She kind of... invited herself in, I suppose. Pretended to be a hitchhiker. On my way home."

A crackle of lightning went through Crowley's eyes. He looked furious. "The trip home you told me was 'uneventful.' Nothing at all amiss. That trip?"

"Crowley, you were... Well, you weren't doing well at the time, and I was afraid it might stress you out too much, to know what happened. Besides, nothing really did happen. She just--"

"Told you that you weren't my type. Like I ever had any other." The words hissed from Crowley, and before Aziraphale could correct him on how it happened, the demon's mouth was on his, as if he meant to prove just how wrong Shax was with that one kiss.

Aziraphale whimpered slightly, hating that he had to break their kiss, but conscious of the child in his lap. He pressed a hand to Crowley's chest, easing space between them, and breathed, "Jem..."

Crowley sat back, looking pole-axed and more morose than Aziraphale had seen him in a couple of years, now. "Tell me what Shax said wasn't the reason you left me."

"What?" Shock plunged through the angel. That his demon ever thought the word of another demon could dissuade him... "Of course not. And I told you -- I didn't leave you. Not like you've always implied. I didn't expect us to be apart for so long."

"I know." The pain in Crowley's murmured words twisted inside Aziraphale's chest, where their hearts always felt one another. The demon pushed himself up from the blanket, and looked down at Aziraphale for a long, silent moment, before rasping, "I love you, angel. I just need a moment."

"Of course, love," he murmured back, then watched Crowley move away across the rooftop a short distance, his head tipping up toward the stars as he clearly battled with all his not-quite-dead trauma.

"Lee-lee?" The whimper of Jemima's tiny voice drew Aziraphale's attention from his struggling love to the child in his lap, and he saw the tremble of tears in her green, starlight eyes as she looked from where Crowley had gone back to Aziraphale, those eyes begging him to fix what was clearly broken in her small world.

"Shh, it's okay, precious," he murmured, dropping a comforting kiss on her forehead. "Sometimes, big people have thoughts too big for them to feel around other people. Lee-lee will be okay."

I hope.

"Tersss?" Jem was already rolling her esses out in a little hiss that was, quite honestly, utterly adorable. He followed her look, up toward the stars winking above them, and smiled softly to himself.

"Yes, my sweet, the stars. They're all up there. And you know what?" He brushed a kiss to the side of her head, and whispered against her tiny ear, "Lee-lee made them all."

He watched her eyes go -- as the humans called it -- round as tea saucers, before she settled herself back against his chest, her fingers poking toward the stars as she began singing a little, tuneless song to herself Crowley must have taught her, about the stars, inserting a happy little "Lee-lee" every so often.

With another glance toward where Crowley stood, now clearly listening to their daughter's singing and the tension melted away from his lanky form, Aziraphale let his next whispered words carry on the barest breeze to his demon. "I love you, Anthony Crowley. To the stars and back."

#good omens #good omens fandom #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #azicrow #aziraphale x crowley #aziraphale #ineffable spouses #crowley #fanfic #good omens 3 #go fanfic

[speaktogunner]

Hello! Do you want to share what your first impressions of your teammates are?

Blimey, where do I even start???

I Thought Scout was an annoying wannabe twat that needs to have his lips sewn shut. That hasn't changed.

Soldier was a complete nutcase. The bugger kept calling me a "redcoat" and that he would 'throw all of my "coward's coffee" into the ocean' if I did anything to "tax America"...

I didn't even know what the bloody hell Pyro's deal was and I still don't.

I was shocked that our Engineer was from the south, seeing as from what I've heard, they are a bunch of inbred hicks with an IQ lower than a dodo so I wasn't expecting much from him. Oh, how wrong I was...

Demo was, and still is for the most part, a drunken louse. But when he isn't pissed off his rocker he can pretty alright and fun to hang about with.

When I first met Heavy, I thought he was just a daft meathead who only knew how to shoot things.

when I first saw Lookout I was captivated...she had the most beautiful emerald eyes I'd ever seen, shining ebony locks, and skin the color of an old oak tree, and her scent was that of an autumn breeze... She was a bird with no tits and no arse.

I was sure that Medic had been brought from Operation Paperclip, and I'm not unconvinced that he wasn't despite what he says.

Sniper seemed like a chill guy...Until I found out he uses his own piss as a weapon. Still, he's probably one the least criminally insane blokes here and me and him have become fairly close allies.

The moment saw Spy, I knew that he would be an untrustworthy coward. Just from his accent alone.

And Hacker....I'll be honest, I had NO idea what to expect from her.

Messenger, on the other hand, I knew would be headache from the minute he started yabbering on and on and on and getting in my face with his just completely out-of-control energy.

So there. Some of my opinions have changed from when I first met my teammates. but for the most part, what I saw was what I got.

Unfortunatly...

#tf2 askblog #tf2 #team fortress 2 #ask #tf2 rp #gunner responds #tf2 oc #oc lore