#or is this a drive-thru kinda situation?

[zhuhongs]

i need to start going to therapy to learn how to talk to people about things and the develop better support systems for myself bc i only talk to like 2.7 ppl bc idk how to talk to anyone and this is ridiculous

#its 2.7 bc i talk to 1 friend who i mostly talk to to distract myself and to experiment differently communication styles. and uh. recently #ive been frustrated with her bc she's very narrow minded abt anything i say abt my own life and abt the feedback i give her as domeone who #has been in a similar situation and got thru it. and its not like its unsolicited. i ask if she wants advice and she will say yes and then #its like 'y does it feel like you are attacking me' like bestie I'm saying this in the least judgemental way bc ive been there. you are #assigning judgement bc u feel bad abt urself. not me! and i cant and wont take responsibility for that. #and then like. kinda my mom but then she cuts me off a lot and basically just kinda says to do whatever makes money like. i tried that and #now im stuck 5 years in at a job i hate that barely pays bc i didn't take a targeted path #and like. my a dif friend i can engage with but she's always busy (nit her fault. i get it. shes got her stuff) so we talk for a total of #15 minutes while shes at a drive thru and nit really listening. which i again. totally get. But. fuck #yea i just want to go to therapy to have adedicated amt of time to talk my shut and like. get some neutral feedback

[zeltqz]

selfish | haitani ran

synopsis. haitani ran wants you, but can't have you because it would be considered selfish. content. 12k words (listen ik its long just hear me out..), fem!reader, friends to enemies to lovers, mild fwb situation gone wrong, ran's mother is in prison and gives shitty advice, implied sexual harassment (some creepy junkie, nothing happens though), mildly toxic ran, possessiveness, alcohol mentions, ran says hurtful things when he's drunk. NSFW content. authors note. this was inspired by an ask that i changed up a little because i LUV drama, so anon if you see this and recongise the plot creds to uuuuuuuuuuuuuuu for the idea!!!!

You were jolted awake by the violent buzz of your phone, muffled by your pillow. You groggily sat up, wiping your eyes and slapped around under your pillow for your phone. Carefully, you rolled to the far edge of your bed and answered. 

“Hello?”

“Come down. I’m outside.”

“Ran it’s…2 in the morning.”

“Just come. I want to talk to you.”

You slipped from your bed, yawning and grabbing your house keys on the way out. Once you were outside, the instant regret of not bringing a jacket hit you as you shivered from the cold. You were about to run back inside, but decided against it when you saw Ran’s car parked at the end of the road, the lights on and the windshield wipers actively wiping away the snow. 

You resisted the urge to dramatically slam the door shut when you got in the car. “There better be a zombie apocalypse happening right now if you think waking me up at 2 am was a good idea.”

“So I can only contact you when the world is ending?”

“At 2am, yes.” You leaned your head back against his car seat, mindlessly closing your eyes to savour onto the lingering signs of sleep. “Why’re you even here? I thought you were out of town.”

“I had plans.” He drummed his fingers along the steering wheel. 

“Like plans or ‘plans’?” His smile turned into a smirk and you grimaced. “Ew don’t touch me.”  He laughed playfully and gestured at your seatbelt. You put it on as he started the car, pulling out onto the main road. 

“So where are you taking me anyway?” you asked, plucking at a loose thread on your pyjama bottoms. 

“Nowhere in particular. Just driving around.”

“Cool. So why am I here then?”

“Wanted company. Is that so wrong?” 

You looked his way, wondering if he was being serious right now. “Why didn’t you call your brother then? Or literally anybody else.”

“Because I wanted to see you.” He glanced in your direction, seeing the stunned expression on your face that you quickly fixed when you realised he was staring. 

You rolled your eyes. “Yeah sure. Whatever.” You yawned and turned to the side to lean against the window. 

“If you’re tired you can sleep.”

“I don’t wanna fall asleep on you. That’s rude.” Another yawn. “I’ll manage it.”

“You hungry?” he asked, pulling up towards a late night fast food drive-thru across the street. 

“Kinda. Now that I think about it, I barely ate all day.”

“Don’t know how you do it honestly.” He was plucking at his baby hairs as he slowed the car to a stop. “Alright whaddya want.” 

You peeked past his body to look at the menu on the wall, the bright lights straining your tired eyes. “Literally anything. I don’t care.” He clicked his tongue and stared at you. You sighed. “I don’t want you to waste money on me.”

“Don’t stress,” he said, waving off your concern with a wave of his hand. You settled in your seat as he rolled down the window. You were distractedly scrolling on your phone to pass time as he spent the next five minutes ordering. 

Looking up, you saw he already had the bag of food on his lap, but instead of handing it to you, his arm is leaning against the window, smirking as he talks to the cashier working the drive-thru. She has her finger twirling her hair, leaning so far from the narrow window you’re surprised she hasn’t fallen out yet. 

“Hello?? Can we go?!” you snapped. 

“Oh, sorry.” The girl leered in your direction, taking you back momentarily before she fixed her features in time when she looked back at Ran. “It was nice meeting you,” she said softly, her voice lacking the same venomous tone she gave you earlier.

“Pleasure meeting you too. See you around beautiful.” You don’t know if he winked or did his signature smirk at her, but it was something of that nature because she had to fan herself to calm the redness on her face as his car began driving off.

You took the bag of food from his lap and ripped it open. “Do you really have to flirt with every girl you meet?”

“Someone sounds jealous.” You weren’t even looking in his direction but you could envision the shit eating grin of his face when he said that.

“I’m not jealous. I just know how to keep it in my pants and not go around flirting with every guy I meet.” You bit the packaging of the straw and poked it in your drink more aggressively than you intended.

“Have you maybe thought that’s because you just suck at flirting?” 

You almost choked on your drink with how quick you moved your head to face him. “I don’t suck at flirting!”

He snorted, taking one hand off the wheel to support his head as he leaned against the door. “Sureeeeeeeee.”

“Don't say sure like that.”

“Why not?”

“Because you don’t believe me!”

He shrugged. “I don’t.” He stopped the car at a red light. “Show me how you flirt then.”

You stared down at the food in your hands, contemplating if you should. When you looked up, you saw him already staring at you, waiting. “Fine.” You wiped your hands and set your food back down, putting it back in the takeout bag before shifting to face him on your seat. 

You cleared your throat, readying yourself to speak. The second you opened your mouth, it was like your mind blanked and you instantly closed it again. “This is too embarrassing. I can’t.”

“It’s only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing,” he responded back, shifting his attention back on the road when the light changed to green.

“No. I just know you’re going to laugh at me if I do it.”

“No I won’t.” He put a hand over his heart. “Scouts honour”

“You’re so ridiculous,” you grumbled but laughed nonetheless. “Okay, I’ll do it once we get home. I need time to prepare.”

Ran seemed to agree with that and in the fifteen minutes it took you to get home, you finished your food. He was parked outside your house across the street and you were idly sipping at your drink.

“Alright, ready?” He turned the engine off, leaving the radio still on.

“Wait this is my favourite song.” You inched forward to turn the volume up only to recoil when he slapped your hand away. “What the hell?!”

“Stop stalling.” He ignored the frustrated look on your face. “Show me already. I didn’t drive you here for nothing.”

“You shouldn’t have driven here at 3 in the morning anyway!”

“So ungrateful.” He pinched your nose with two fingers, laughing when you swatted him away. “Show meeee.”

“Okay fine! Fine!” You set your drink in the cupholder and turned to look at him. “I actually don’t know how to flirt.”

“Had a feeling.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Want me to teach you,” he asked gently, looking directly into your eyes. You found it hard to look away in that moment, like so much was riding on your answer. 

You nodded slowly. “Yeah… okay…”

“Alright. Guys love it when you’re confident and can hold eye contact. So hold eye contact as much as you can, but don’t stare like a creep. That shit’s weird. Show ‘em you’re engaged in the conversation when they’re talking about themselves and just stare into their eyes. Shit, that even gets me all fuzzy when a girl knows how to hold it. Had me stutterin’ and shit once.”

You blinked and envisioned a stuttering, flustered Ran in your mind. “Really? Eye contact? That’s all?” He shrugged and nodded. “That sounds really hard to believe honestly.”

“Really?” You nodded. “Reaaaally?” he repeated, extra slow, giving you enough time to back out when you have the chance.

“Yes. Reaaaaally Ran.”

“Tell me what you did today.”

You crossed your arms and looked up at the ceiling. “Well…I woke up this morning…I went to work, had lunch, worked until 4, then came home and studied.”

“In detail.”

“Is that really necessary?” you complained, but the look on his face was completely serious. Sighing, you settled back into your seat. “Okay so I went to bed late as fuck last night and I woke up at like 12 which was so bad because my shift started in fifteen minutes. So I wondered whether or not I should go and—”

“Look at me when you talk.”

You were about to slap him. You sighed and turned to look at him. 

“I went to back late last night and woke up at like…” Your mind blanked, and you struggled to find your words or remember what the hell you did hours ago with him looking so intently at you. “...11 ish? Which was—”

“You said it was 12, no?” he tilted his head, his stare unwavering.

You gulped. “Yes. Sorry. I woke up at 12 and my shift started at 12:15.” Your face burned. Just what the hell was wrong with you. In that moment, you felt like you were out of your own body, spirit you watching as you did nothing but blink uselessly at Ran. You fought the urge to slap yourself and ignore his slutty mind tricks. 

You looked down at your lap only to have him lift your face back to him with a single finger. “You’re not done with your story yet.”

“...right…right.” You cleared your throat again. He leaned forward, forearms resting on the steering wheel, locking his gaze on you. Was Ran always this hot? Surely you’ve noticed it before but not like this, where your mind is focusing only on him, and pushing all other stray thoughts out of the way 

You inhaled deeply and regained composure. “And I briefly considered whether or not I should go in late…but my boss has been kinda mean to me lately and…”

He raised an eyebrow, nodding as he studied your face, and urged you to continue when you stopped talking.

“...so I went in and finished my shift. My boss wasn’t too mad at me which was good I guess.”

“Then what?” His voice was purposefully different than usual, it was lower in that moment, throwing you off balance completely.

Your throat suddenly felt dry. “One second.” You grabbed your drink from before and began taking long sips from it, still feeling the intensity of his stare against the side of your face. Once you gulped half the drink down, you forcefully swallowed your burp, not wanting to ruin the weird, but heated atmosphere in the car with your natural bodily functions. 

“Then I went home to study for my exam on Thursday and fell asleep. Then your annoying ass woke me up and here I am.”

He laughed lightly, pulling back to return back to his seat. “How hard was that? Be honest.” His head rested back against the headrest, smirking at you. “Don’t lie now.”

You looked down at your lap, averting your eyes from his and refusing to make eye contact. You hated that you had to admit that it actually worked, his intense eye contact had actually effected you. He kept urging you until you persisted and you groaned inwardly. “Fine. It worked.”

“Seeeeee?” He jostled you playfully, and you smiled weakly. “I told ya. Anyway, want more advice?”

“There’s more?” Was the eye contact not enough? You didn’t even want to think how much power this man has. 

“Yeah. Say his name a lot. Drives me crazy when I hear a girl say my name.”

You snorted. “Sounds oddly narcissistic of you,” you retorted before you could catch yourself. “Sorry.”

“(Y/N),” he called your name in a deep, rumbling tone that had you internally shut down and log off. 

Once you came back, you grinned, impressed. “Wow…you’re good,” you admitted, subtly rubbing your hand along your arm to rid it of the goosebumps that seemed to sprout up whenever he spoke to you in that tone. “You’re actually a danger to society.”

“It’s fun making girls all flustered.” His hand rose to rest on your thigh. When you didn’t shrug it off or tell him to stop, his fingers began to caress softly against your skin. His touch felt electrifying, zapping through the fabric of your pyjama bottoms as he continued his actions.

“Something wrong?” he asked teasingly when he saw you struggle to control yourself, clenching your thighs together.

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“You’re not gonna tell me to stop?”

“No.”

“I see.” His thumb continued to stroke your inner thigh.

You don’t know what possessed you at that moment, but you grabbed his hand and placed it between your legs. He looked at you, confused and surprised at your sudden boldness. 

You pulled him closer, wrapping your arms around his neck, and whispered into his ear, “I can be seductive too, you know?”

Something in your words ignited a flame inside him, something primal and raw when your lips softly grazed down his ear. He turned his head to meet yours. 

“I’m sure you can be,”  he said softly, leaning in to kiss you gently. The kiss was only a soft press of his lips against yours, and your desire to want him to kiss you for real grew stronger by the second.

His hand moved down your body, helping you pass the console to straddle him. One hand slid down the back of his neck as you kissed each other hungrily, your tongue sliding out to meet his. He bit your bottom lip, gently sucking it while running his tongue along the inside of your mouth, slowly parting your lips with his. 

“Fuck,” you breathed out, pulling away to look down at him, resting your forehead against his. You went back in, and the kiss quickly turned heated, hungry and wild. “This doesn’t mean anything, right?” you asked, panting slightly.

He broke the eye contact to look down at his hands on your waist, sliding down to your hips and held you firmly in place, leaving no space between you. “Nah. Let’s just have fun.”

He cupped the back of your neck to bring you in for another kiss, your insides melting as your body temperature rose at the feeling of his rough hands working you over. He fumbled with the drawstrings of your pj bottoms until they loosened, slipping his hands inside, desperate to touch bare skin.

“No panties,” he grinned against your lips, giving you a peck when you flushed. 

“They’re uncomfortable at night…gotta let it breathe, you know?” you mumbled, looking down at his lap. 

He nudged your head up using his own and reattached his lips to yours. His hands continued to explore your body, roaming up and down your back, clutching at your waist. He placed his hand firmly on the back of your head, gilding your head movements into the kiss.

His thumb traced circles on the soft flesh on your hip as your mouth left his to plant open, wet kisses along his neck, teeth nipping and skimming when the radio thought it’ll be a wonderfully convenient idea to switch from the soft music it was playing earlier, to sudden heavy death metal, loud instruments and screaming booming through the car. 

You both jumped apart, your head smacked against the roof of the car, wailing as you winced when Ran started laughing. “It’s not funny!”

He doesn’t stop laughing because why would he, but he at least reached forward, your body on his lap following his movements as he turned the volume down.

“Why do you even have that on your playlist?!” 

“Rindou had a…phase. I hate it too, don’t worry.” 

You continued to rub the sore spot and pouted when you felt a headache blooming, already kissing goodbye to your good night’s sleep tonight. 

“Come here.” He smoothed a hand over the sore spot. “Better?”

“Kinda.” Your sour mood lessens and you start laughing, hiding your face in his shoulder. Your shoulders shook as you struggled to control your laughter. He laughed alongside you, his arms tightening around your body as he pulled you back against him. 

“That scared the living shit out of me,” you panted, finally catching your breath, kissing down the side of his neck. 

He turned his face to properly meet yours. You kissed him deeply, slowly rocking your hips with his as his strong hands squeezed tightly against your ass. After a while, you broke the kiss, your body now craving more than just kissing.

“Stop teasing me,” you complained, pushing him lightly on the chest.

“‘S fun seeing you so worked up,” he said with a shitty smirk, pressing a kiss to your neck. Your head lolled back as he steadily worked his way down the column of your throat, then down your chest.

His fingers bunched around the hem of your shirt, about to tug it off when you looked outside. The sun was still dark, but the promise of sunrise just around the corner as it rounded near 4 am. Obviously people wouldn’t be up and walking around this late, but the thought still made you stiffen.

“What’s wrong?” Ran asked, pausing with your shirt half way up your stomach.

“Can we go inside?” you asked, dragging the tips of your nails along the flat plane of his stomach. Despite having spent the last ten minutes making out with this man, the question implied more and your face burned when his eyes widened a bit. 

You looked down at your hands moving under his shirt, tracing patterns across his skin and bit down a giggle when he squirmed as you hit a particularly ticklish spot, poking his belly button. You took a mental note of that for later…

“You sure you wanna?” he asked carefully. You nodded. “Alright. Let’s go.” 

You quietly stumbled out of the car, holding his hand as you crossed the street to your house. You were fumbling with your keys, hard to find the keyhole in the darkness. It wasn’t helping your focus and accuracy with Ran behind you, fingers caressing your hips and waist, nipping at your neck. You let out a soft moan, giving up with your keys to lean your head back against his shoulder to give him more access before you quickly came to your senses.

“I need to open the door, go away,” you said with a huff, ignoring his laughter as you pushed him away. 

The door slammed shut and you locked it before pouncing on Ran, letting him press you up hard against the door as he hungrily devoured your mouth. His lips branded the soft skin of your neck as he dipped lower, carrying you to your bedroom. You were dropped mindlessly on your bed, bouncing from the impact as he hovered over you, your mind pleasantly blank as you focused solely on how badly you needed him right now.

His fingers slipped down your underwear and you saw stars.

~*~

As you were walking through the aisles of the grocery store, your music was interrupted by your phone ringing. You jerked your phone out from your jeans pocket to stare at the caller ID. Just a long string of numbers. 

“Who is this?” you asked suspiciously, racking your brain for a time you handed your number out to anyone you hadn’t saved.

“It’s Ran. What, forgot about me already?” 

Your mood immediately dampened and you clutched your phone tighter in your hand. “Why’re you calling me?”

“Easy with the hostility, man. I just wanted to talk to you.”

“And you couldn’t have done this, I dunno, in the two months you spent ghosting me? And don’t tell me “easy with the hostility”, I have a right to be fucking mad after you just hit and dipped like that.”

“Hit and dipped?”

“You ghosted me dumbass.”

You heard a loud exhale. “Right… yeah about that.”

“What do you want Ran?”

“I miss you.”

You almost forgot how to breathe. “Areyoufuckingkiddingmerightnow?”

“You heard me. I said I missed you.”

“Let me guess, there’s no other girls available right now, right? That’s why you’re bugging me?” It would be a wild accusation if not for the fact after that night you spent together, his phone buzzed incessantly, the constant vibrations waking you up and you saw notifications of girls in his inbox, sending him the usual “are you up?” text messages, followed up with images of themselves half naked.

He hummed. “Why would there be other girls? I’m talking to you right now.”

“Because you’re you.”

“Ok, but I’m serious though. I miss you a lot.” You found it so hard to give this man any sympathy.

“Well who’s fault is that? Nobody asked you to stop speaking to me after that night.”

“I know I know. I messed up. I just didn’t know how to approach you after that.” He sounded seriously stressed over this, and your face softened for a fraction of a moment before memories of you constantly checking your phone to see if he bothered to open your message yet reappear in your mind; just like that, your scowl is back, sympathy long gone.

“Right. Because THE Haitani Ran gets nervous after sex. Wow, shocker.”

“I mean, you were the best lay I ever had.”

Your traitorous heart stuttered without your permission, making your lips quirk up into a smile. “Really?” You cursed yourself for even entertaining his bullshit, and cursed your body even more for reacting in such a manner.

“Yeah, course you were.”

“Then why’d you ghost me? It’s like you want me to hate you. I swear to god for the life of me I’ll never under male logic.”

“It’s not male logic. ‘S just me, being a dumbass.”

“Yeah, no shit.”

“This was different though because we were friends before we fucked, and I didn’t wanna make things weird. I had no clue how to text you after that.” You guessed that made sense, having felt the same awkwardness the morning after waking up sore with him beside you. 

“Oh. Well, it’s only weird if you make it weird.”

“Right. So…can I make it up to you?”

“How?”

“Let’s hang out.”

“Like hang out or ‘hang out’?” Part of you wanted it to be the first one, not wanting to ruin anymore awkwardness in your friendship by sleeping with each other again. But the other part of your body already was hellbent on it being the second, already addicted to the way he makes you feel in bed. 

“The former. But,” his voice dropped lower, “it can also be the latter, if you’re down.”

“I’m down,” you said a bit too quickly for someone trying to seem indifferent.

“Cool. See you tonight then.” 

Before you could say goodbye, he was already saying hi to someone else, and then hung up. Any negative emotions you felt for him was tempered by the excitement buzzing through your limbs as you continued shopping for groceries with a dopey smile on your face, happy you were able to patch things up.

~*~

Time passes since you both agreed to this weird friends with benefits arrangement. All awkwardness is stomped on and thrown out the window, now more open to the matter. Months go by of you losing yourself in his sheets, of him mapping out your body with his tongue, latching his mouth onto your skin and marking you all over. Months go by of you craving his touch whenever you’re alone, picturing his voice in your ear, his presence caging you from above when you’re with other men. Months go by of you both making plans, with you, more than him, staring at your phone the entire day, starting the mental countdown to when you’re next able to see him. 

Life is good for Ran, until the day he dreaded the most every year rolls around. The day he has to visit his mother in prison along with Rindou. Their meet-ups are nothing more than an annual thing, visiting her on her birthday every year. 

“So what have you been up to this year?” she asked disinterestedly. 

Ran could see right through her, can see she’s started using again if the bloodshot eyes and the not so subtle way she rubs her nose were any clue. 

“Good ma,” Rindou responded. “I’ve took up DJ’ing in a few of Dad’s clubs in my free time.”

At the mention of her ex-husband, she sneered. Rindou rolled his eyes. “Are you gonna do that every time I mention him ma?”

“I’ll react however the fuck I want when you bring up that passed around, dried up whore of a man,” she snapped. Rindou doesn’t react, already used to her mood swings and aggressive comments about his father. She jerked her head over to her weirdly quiet son. “And you? What’s your deal?”

“My deal?” Ran asked, matching her levels of indifference. 

“What have you been up to,” she repeated slower, like he was dumb. 

“Nothing.”

“What? Your life is that shit you haven’t done anything for the past year? Nothing at all?” She stared at Ran who responded with silence and a blank stare. “Even I’ve done shit and I’m stuck in this hell hole.”

“Well whose fault is that?” Ran snapped back. Rindou slapped his forehead.

“Listen here you—”

“Ran’s been seeing a girl ma,” Rindou said quickly, hoping that small drop of information about his brother’s life was enough to diffuse a bad situation. 

“A girl?? Who?”

“Just some girl. You don’t know her and never will,” Ran grumbled.

“Is she…?” she gestured at him, at herself. He didn’t respond and she changed the wording of her question. “How did you meet?”

“She’s not involved in what we do ma. If that’s what you’re wondering.”

“Good.” She let out an exhale in relief. “And you make sure to leave her out of it.”

“What?”

She pointed her finger at him. “Don’t pursue this girl because you’re selfish and want to bring her in potential danger. Keep her around, fuck her or whatever it is you do in your spare time that you wanna keep a secret from me, but if you pursue her romantically then you’re a selfish piece of shit.”

Ran stiffened, his glare hardening in her direction. “Keep out of my goddamn business.”

“You know I’m right, Ran. That’s why you’re mad. Isn’t that right, Rindou?” She looked at her youngest son who looked tentatively between them both, staying stubbornly silent. She clicked her tongue and turned back to Ran. “You’d rather put this girl in danger because you can’t stand being alone by yourself. You’ve got issues, Ran. That’s why you haven’t had a relationship longer than 3 months. Correct?”

Ran stared down at the table, silent. 

“Do you care about her?” she asked and Rindou had no idea if he pictured it or not but it looked like she softened for a moment.

Ran didn’t respond, but nodded in slight movements. 

“If you truly care about this girl, you’ll leave her alone. It’s for her own good. Bringing her into your lifestyle is just selfish.”

“Times up,” The officer from the back of the room said, walking towards the table with handcuffs. 

She stood up and placed her hands behind her back. “Do the right thing, Ran.”

“How do you know that’s true though?” he asked.

“Speaking from experience. Look at me, suffering from the actions of your father. He brought me into this lifestyle, and I wasn’t prepared for it. So now I’m facing the consequences. You’re just like your father, Ran. An emotionally distant, sadistic, messed up man. Embrace it or don’t. Try to change or don’t. Either way I don’t care. Just don’t ruin others because of that nature.”

The officer tightened her handcuffs and locked them. “Let’s go,” he said, before escorting her out of the room.

Rindou looked at his brother with sympathy. “You okay?” His hand rose to rest of his shoulder but Ran stood up before he could make contact.

He shoved his hands into his pockets and turned around. “Let’s go.”

~*~

You weren’t sure what was going on with Ran but he seemed emotionally distant. He was no longer affectionate towards you when you both hung out, his response time was a lot slower than it used to be. When you had sex, he was totally fine though, which weirded you out because he would randomly do a complete 180 out of nowhere with the affection. 

“That was amazing,” you said panting as you collapsed back on the bed. Ran hummed in agreement, gathering you in his chest as you cuddled. You buried your face in his neck, the scent of his cologne heavy in your nose.

“I know,” he sighed, looking down and kissing your forehead. You smiled harder, fighting back the urge to giggle and use his warm body as a blanket.

You were playing with the tip of his braid, occasionally twirling it around the tip of your index finger when you decided now was the time to approach the topic that’d been brewing inside you the last few months.

“So…” you traced your fingernail across the spiral tattoo on his chest.

He looked down at you, a lazy smirk on his face. “So?” He kissed your forehead again.

You bit down on your lip and forced yourself to look into Ran’s eyes. “This might sound cliche, or cheesy or whatever but…”

“Doubt it,” he snorted, taking your hand off his chest and linking his fingers with yours, clutching your hand tightly. When you looked stumped for words, he nudged his shoulder, softly jostling you in the process. “What’s up?”

“Well…” God, this was harder than you thought it would be. 

You chewed the skin of your lips as you tried to calm your nerves before you exploded with anxiety. You nearly froze when he placed his thumb against your lip, tugging it free from its brawl with your teeth. 

Fuck it. “I just wanted to know…what are we…?”

It didn’t help your already racing nerves when he froze beneath you, and you swore you could feel the blood in his body stop flowing at that moment. 

He sat up abruptly, sending you sliding off his chest. You blinked uselessly at the muscled plane of his back, grabbing the sheets and clutching it towards your chest, your body deprived of the warmth his body provided earlier now making your limbs go cold.

He scratched his hair and sighed exhaustedly. “I gotta be honest with you.”

You barely found your voice as you softly said, “Go on.”

“I don’t want a relationship right now.”

“Oh.” You quietly cleared your throat, sitting upright and shifting backwards on your mattress until your back hit the headboard. “With me…or?”

“Anyone.”

“So…what was the point of this then?”

“I dunno? I mean I just thought you liked…” he gestured at the both of you, hoping you’d see where he was coming from. When you didn’t and just stared at him confused, he got more frustrated. “You know, this? What were we doing? I didn’t know you—” He sighed again and groaned. 

You felt like your throat was stuffed with cotton with how hard it was to breathe. “But I thought you liked me?”

“I do like you.”

“So then what’s the hold up?”

“Just because I like you doesn’t mean I have to be with you, okay? I’m busy all the fucking time and you’ll just be getting in the way of that,” he said curtly, not bothering to hide the clear frustration in his voice.

Hurt prickled across your skin, your ears felt full as you toned out everything he was saying. He turned to face you, those eyes of his that normally made you flush from head to toe now felt so cold and distant, like you didn’t know who the man in front of you was. 

“Just get out, Ran.” You choked back tears as they threatened to fall from your eyes, but you quickly looked away before they could. He’d seen you vulnerable beneath him many times, but this time was different. You couldn’t—no, you won’t allow him the satisfaction of seeing he made you this upset.

“No wait.” He reached out for you, his heart shattering when you pushed him away, sulking. 

He had a weird feeling in his chest, one that he wasn’t used to feeling, and instead of combating his emotions like a regular person, he discarded them  to the side, pretending they didn’t exist. He sighed exasperatedly and slid off your bed.

You moved to lay down, covering your entire body with your bedsheets as you heard him pack up his things. He silently changed and gently closed the door when he left. Once you heard your front door close, you sat up and wiped your tears, grabbing your phone from your dresser. 

The next few hours were spent watching youtube videos, laughing softly at the comments people left. It made you feel less useless about yourself and tried to desperately take your mind off what just happened prior. Honestly, you blame yourself for even bringing it up. It wasn’t worth ruining a two year friendship over.

Sure, it’s normal to catch feelings for a guy that treats you nice, isn’t selfish in bed and actually takes his time to account for your needs. That doesn’t mean you’re romantically interested in him though, right? Guaranteed it could’ve been any other of your friends, like Sanzu or even Mikey and you would’ve developed those same feelings, right? 

Before you had any time to digest that topic deeper, a text message notification popped up on your screen.

Ran: ok so that was awkward before. Can we talk this over properly?? I dont want to ruin what we had honestly. It…was a mistake to start sleeping together i know. We both had different intentions and i apologise if I sent you mixed feelings. Your friendship is something I value a lot and I don’t wanna lose that. So can we start over??? Just be friends this time? 

You: sure i guess. Sorry if i made things uncomfortable earlier.

Ran: ur good. Ill see you later then?

You: yeah okay

You and Ran had fought many times over the course of your friendship, and each time you both were able to move on like nothing happened. But this time, it just felt different. You felt it.

~*~

“You know it’s 3 in the morning right?” Sanzu rubbed his eyes, yawning obnoxiously. “I mentally check out from 2-10am.” 

“Shut up.” You dig around in his pocket and pull out a box of cigarettes. “Give me a lighter.”

“Since when do you smoke?” he asked, then tacked on, “Oh and I don’t have one.”

“Then why do you have a box of cigarettes then?!” 

Sanzu blinked at your sudden outburst. “Okay first. Calm down. Inside voices, we’re outside right now.” You fought the urge to point out how contradictory it was to use your inside voice outside but let it slide. “Secondly, why are you acting so…”

“So what?” 

“You know…” he looked carefully at you, trying to gauge your reaction if he were to say the words he truly wanted to say.

“If you’re about to say bitchy save it.”

“I wasn’t!”

“Then what were you going to say?” you raised your brow, waiting. He slowly closed his mouth and looked down at the floor in defeat. “Exactly,” you said triumphantly, then exhaled softly and looked around the street for any convenience stores that sell lighters.

“So can I ask why you suddenly want to smoke?”

“I’m stressed out okay?” You began walking towards the 24 hour convenience store across the street, Sanzu following behind you. “I sort of, maybe not, confessed to Ran earlier and he wanted to stay friends. So now I don’t think I can handle being in the same room as him without wanting to die.”

Sanzu yawned again, scratching his eye. “That sucks. I dunno what that has to do with me though.”

“I need company! I feel like I’m going to explode if I’m alone with myself tonight.”

 The bell chimed when you both entered the store, instantly heading over to the counter to buy the lighter. The cashier went to the back to grab the lighter.

“All I’m hearing is that you missed me,” Sanzu teased, wrapping his arms around you from behind. He was expecting you to push him off like you normally do. He definitely was not expecting you to chuckle, hug him back and mildly not in agreement. 

He backed away dramatically, narrowly avoiding stumbling into a display shelf and tapped your shoulder to get your attention. When you turned around, he kept staring gingerly at your face, causing you to raise your eyebrow.

“What?”

“Who are you and what did you do to my friend?”

You scoffed and rolled your eyes, pushing him away from you. The cashier handed you the lighter and you paid him, leaving the store with Sanzu behind you. Grabbing the box of cigarettes, you lit one up and exhaled for the nth time tonight.

“Do you think it’s normal for a guy to just be friends with a girl they used to have a thing with? Or if it’s normal for them to be friends with girls they know like them?”

Sanzu shrugged. “Are you asking the opinion of all men or just Ran? Because nobody knows what that guy is thinking when it comes to women. He’s way too comfortable around girls so probably? I mean, it’ll be in the back of his mind, sure, but as long as you’re not awkward around him it’ll be fine.”

“You sure?”

“Guess we’ll have to see.” He pulled the cigarette from your mouth and dropped it on the floor, stubbing it out with his foot. At your shocked face, he held his hand out. “I don’t want you taking on bad habits because you’re having an emotional meltdown.”

You huffed and crossed your arms over your chest. “I’m not having an emotional meltdown.”

“Sure…” He yawned for the fifth time tonight. “If I stay out any longer I’m going to pass out on the street. I’ll see you later, okay?” He pat you on the head, deliberately ignoring your complaint of “don’t fuck up my hair” and made his way home.

~*~

In the time you spent avoiding anything Ran related, that also meant avoiding people and situations that he was guaranteed to be there. It meant you stop hanging out with your mutual friends in groups, stopped going to parties you knew he was hosting. Was it bad your other friendships had to be jeprodized because you were too scared to confront your newfound, fresh start with Ran? Yeah, it wasn’t your proudest moment either. But it also meant you were spending a lot more time with Sanzu and Mikey. Out of everyone in his gang, they were the least close, only talking to each other with work related issues. Sanzu and Ran had this unspoken hatred with each other, that made the two of them avoid each other at all costs, not wanting to start another argument or fight.

That was great news for you because it would mean no impromptu visits, like the incident at Hanma’s house, or no unexpected calls from Ran like when you were hanging out with Kakucho, or no fear that Ran would be upstairs in his room when you were hanging out with Rindou. 

Hanging out with Sanzu more often also meant getting closer with Senju. She’s two years younger than you and you treated her like a little sister. It was her birthday next weekend and Takeomi was in charge of the planning the surprise birthday party, which meant nobody had a single clue who was coming.

If that were the case, you wouldn’t have shown up that day. 

“Ran. Are you going to Senju’s party?” Takeomi asked, exhaling cigarette smoke over the phone.

“Do I have to? I don’t know that girl.”

“I don’t care what you do. Just tell me so I can start planning her shit.”

“Depends honestly. Who’s going?”

Takeomi started listing off the names which included some of Senju’s college friends that Ran didn’t care about, some of their mutual friends like Sanzu (duh), Mikey, Kakucho, you, Rindou—wait, hold up.

“Wait, (y/n)’s going?” Ran cut Takeomi off mid sentence.

Takeomi grunted. “Yes.”

“Fine. I’ll go.” He hung up before Takeomi could say anything. Honestly Ran couldn’t care less about Senju, his only motivation was the thought of seeing you.

The fact he sent you that message, hoping it’ll mend whatever dent was placed in your friendship, only to get slapped in the face when you spent the last four months avoiding him pissed him off to no extent. He wasn’t blocked, he knew you wouldn’t do that to him, but he didn’t have the courage to check either. Maybe this party would be the perfect time to talk to you, to catch up and mend until he could selfishly hold you in his arms again. 

He didn’t spend the whole four months pining over you, the group of girls in his bed would confirm that, but there was an unknown feeling in his chest, something always wriggling at the back of his mind that he knew distantly was caused by you. It was getting annoying, having his shitty mother’s words ringing in the back of his mind every time he thought about making up with you. It took him about three months to realise that he actually loved you, whether that was a fact he wanted to accept or not. That feeling he was deliberately avoiding, was his conscious telling him to stop self sabotaging himself and just tell you how he feels.

He can’t wait to see you next Saturday.

~*~

When Ran says he knew nothing about your life in the last four months it wasn't an exaggeration. He genuinely had no idea who you were with, what you were doing, where and when. So you could only imagine his shock when he sees you’ve somehow become best buddies with Manjiro and fucking Sanzu, the idiot currently sitting between your legs on the floor as you braided his hair. 

You looked so pretty tonight, dressed up semi formal. Your hair and makeup was done in a way that Ran had never seen you in before. Senju sat beside you, talking loudly and making you laugh. Sanzu scrolled on his phone, waiting for you to finish his hair. Mikey sat next to you, his head resting on your shoulder as he looked like he was on the verge of sleep.

If you noticed him come in tonight, you sure hid it well, not even bothering to acknowledge his existence. He was planning on talking to you after Senju blew out her candles, that was until he saw what he did. 

After a load of drinks, everybody was pretty tipsy, including you and Manjiro as you both made out in the patio, his hands caressing your thighs as you sat sideways on his lap. The patio was filled with Senju’s friends in the pool, the smell of barbecue (requested by Senju) filling the air as people hovered around the grill, desperate for some savoury meat. It was hard to see you and Manjiro at first, but he did, as if his eyes were automatically drawn to you no matter where in the room.

Granted he had no right to feel the way he did, he knows that, and his words from that night constantly play on loop in his mind. He told you he wanted to be just friends and you agreed to that, and friends don’t get mad at friends for having relationships. But his boss of all fucking people? He wouldn’t give this much of a fuck if it was Shion or something.

“Drink up bitch!” Sanzu shoved a cup into Ran’s hand, resting his arm on the taller boy’s shoulder as he watched Ran grimace at the beverage.

“The fuck is this supposed to be?” 

“Dunno honestly. Just mixed a bunch of shit together.” Sanzu clinked his cup with his. “You’ll probably wake up tomorrow with memory loss and severe liver damage, but bon appetit.”

“I’m not drinking your mystery drink.”

“Boo. No fun.” Sanzu pouted, taking a big gulp of his drink.

“Why are you even talking to me?”

“Because you look like you’re about to kill somebody and as much as I relate to that feeling, I don’t want any drama on Senju’s birthday. She’ll never shut the fuck up about it. So drink up and enjoy the party dude.” He lifted the cup to Ran’s lips which stayed stubbornly closed until he gave in, making a face as it burned down his throat.

“See! It’s not so bad!” Sanzu slapped his back before walking away, ready to hand out samples of his new drink to random people. 

Fifteen minutes later and whatever Sanzu poured in that drink did wonders, Ran couldn’t help but admit. He got over his sour funk sooner than he’d thought. The liquor running through his veins made him socialise a hundred times better and managed to snag five pretty girls’ numbers tonight. He was currently leaning against the wall, hovering beside this girl he couldn’t remember the name of for the life of him (it wasn’t his fault, he blames it on Sanzu), as she tilted up to whisper provocative things in his ear. She looked like she’d be good in bed, and that was all Ran was thinking about when he saw your hair bounce past him.

Ran looked just in time to see you disappear through a doorway, and he abruptly pulled himself away from the girl before him. “I’ll be back in a sec. Just…do whatever,” he said, not even looking at her as he walked away. 

When he rounded the corner, his stomach did backflips as he saw you yell something to some people inside a room down the hallway before turning around. You almost recoiled when you saw Ran and mentally cursed the fact there was no objects, or people you could hide behind.

You pressed your lips into a wry smile and tried to walk past him before he grabbed your arm, stopping you. “What, so you’re not talking to me at all now?”

“Okay, calm down. It’s been like four months.”

“Which is a long time?” His phone lit up in his hand, a text message of a girl asking where he is with a string of sad faces emojis, and to add fuel to the fire, a tongue and water splash emoji. Ran clicked his tongue and made a mental note to block her when he’s done with this. 

You scoffed. “Sorry I hadn’t been able to entertain you these last four months, Ran. I just assumed girls 1 though 56 had it handled for me.”

“The fuck is that supposed to mean,” he said curtly, shoving his phone back in his pocket.

You looked up at him, mouth in a thin line as you hissed, “Exactly how it sounds. Now I have somewhere to be.” You tried to skirt past him but he blocked your way out. He suddenly felt too big, too close, and your simmering temper was beginning to surface. “Ran seriously move.” You tried pushing his chest, but it didn’t work.

“Why? So you can go back to sucking face with Mikey?” Shut up…please, just shut up, sober Ran was yelling inside his head, but the words just came out before he could stop them. Note to self, never drink anything from Sanzu ever again. 

“Sucking face? Why are you…why do you even care?! You’re the one that said “I don’t want a relationship right now” so you don’t get a right to act all possessive over me and shit. Just because you’re too emotionally stunted to maintain a goddamn relationship, doesn’t mean everybody else is like that.” Your chest burnt with anger at his fucking audacity. Seriously, who does he think he is?

“What, so you want a relationship with Mikey, that it? Someone’s who is even more emotionally stunted than everybody in this fucking party combined?”

“And if I do? Is that your business? Whatever my decision is, it’s not up to you. Now get out of my way.” You leaned in close to his face as you glared up at him. His anger gave way into something more heated that made him lick his lips, wondering how you’d react if he were to kiss you right now.  You were about to attempt to walk away when Kakucho stumbled out of one of the rooms in the hallway, slightly tipsy.

“What’s going on? Why are you yelling?”

“Kakucho. Get your boy and tell him to leave me the fuck alone.” You pointed at Ran who snapped out of his stupor.

“Ran, let her leave.”

“Not till I get my answers.”

You pinched your temples, not even bothering to lower your voice as you yelled in sheer frustration, “What answers Ran?! I don’t owe you shit!”

“What’s going on?” Mikey stumbled out of the room you were exiting earlier and his arm instantly found itself on your waist. You were still seething, your heavy breathing only calming down once Mikey’s hand curled a little more around you, pulling you flush against his side.

“Nothing. Let’s go,” you said softly to Mikey, letting him lead you back to the room.

Ran’s anger returned tenfold upon seeing your hand hold Mikey back. “Since when are you two such good friends?”

“That’s none of your damn business,” you yelled back from the end of the hallway, your grip around Mikey tightening significantly.

“Don’t tell me you’re fucking him now? What is he your new boy toy? You’re that desperate?” 

Kakucho slapped a hand on his forehead, regretting not pulling Ran away before he had the chance.

You froze at the door, turning to look at him. In the years of your friendship with Ran, he’d seen you get angry many times, yelling at characters in movies when they do something stupid, yelling at him over the mic when you were playing video games. And in every one of those instances, he was never on the receiving end of your anger. The look you gave him, if it could, would’ve turned him to stone with how irate you looked right now. Dimly, he knew what he was doing was wrong, and if he was sober enough he would've definitely stopped himself from saying those things, but he was hurt, and angry, and those two combinations had him feeling like he had a right to make you feel the same way.

“I’m sorry, what?” You stepped out of Mikey’s grip. “Oh this is fucking rich. The irony right now, holy shit!” You began laughing. “If what I’m doing is considered “desperate” to you, then what does that make you? Pathetic? Huh? Needing fifty girls attention on you every second of every fucking day doesn’t seem desperate to you?”

Your loud laughter began to draw people in the party towards the hallway, interested in the loud argument going on. Kakucho grabbed Ran’s arm, shaking his head as if he could read his thoughts. “Don’t respond. Let’s just go.”

Ran shoved his hand off him, sending Kakucho back against the wall. “Nah I’m gonna respond.” He turned back to you, uncaring of all the eyes watching the scene take place. “You stay bringing up these girls in every single conversation I have with you and shame them like you weren’t proud to be one of them months ago.”

Your eyebrows rose in surprise. “So that’s all I was? A number to you? Enlighten me Ran, what number was I? 34? 52?”

“What fucking difference does it make if you know.”

“It makes no difference. I just want to hear you say it.” You closed the distance between you both and poked a finger into his chest. “I wanna hear you say that you enjoy ruining girls lives by making them fall for you with your shitty words and affection, then running away the second things get serious because you’re a coward afraid of stability.”

He pretended your words didn’t cut as deep as they did, pretended your words didn’t take him back to his mother’s birthday all those months ago, sitting at that table and listening to her spew hot garbage in his face about his personality and issues that he refused to acknowledge.

“That wasn’t the case with you. I didn’t tell you to fall for me.”

“That wasn’t the case? So I’m somehow different? How so?”

“Because—” Even in his drunken mind, he knew telling you he loved you now would only pull you further away than you already were. He pressed his lips in a thin line, and looked away from your oppressive stare. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Because your reasoning doesn’t exist, Ran. Stop searching for nothing. You’re a shitty person and you need to acknowledge that.” You pulled your finger away from his chest and turned around, lowering your voice to almost a whisper. “Now just stay out of my life.” 

He didn’t say anything and only watched you approach Mikey again, the man not even bothering to look at Ran the entire time as he took you inside the room, closing it shut. Ran’s ears were burning and his chest clenched as he realised the gravity of what he’d just done. So much for making amends. 

You went home and instantly blocked his number and cried yourself to sleep that night, regretting even messing with him to begin with.

~*~

“Are you sure this is safe?” you asked, looking around the strange alleyway surrounding you. 

“Don’t be a fucking wuss! Besides, I can fight remember? Nobody’s touching me tonight.”

“Yeah but…underground clubs are scary.”

“I know but that’s what makes this so exciting! Come on, let’s go!” She held your hand firm and tightly in her hand, giving you a reassurance squeeze that did nothing to help calm your raging nerves. 

“Imagine your brother finds you here tonight,” you laughed.

“Oh fuck. Takeomi would probably lock me in a house with no contact to the outside world for years,” Senju responded, shivering at the thought. She led you down the stairs and opened the janky door, leading you inside the club.

The rest of the night proceeded as follows, Senju getting drunk out of her mind; she nearly passed out on the floor from dancing too much, and you guarded the drinks, making sure nobody gets roofied tonight. This club was known for being shady, with drug transactions being held in the bathrooms of this place, and not just regular drugs, hardcore drugs. You had to use the bathroom and decided holding your pee in was much better than relieving yourself in a bathroom that had a woman passed out on the floor after taking too much drugs.

It was scary, and you had your guard up every second, and only felt relieved when you were carrying Senju outside, back through the alleyway to call for a taxi home. “It was soooooo much fun today. I loved it,” she slurred as you picked her up, struggling to hold her upright. 

“Yeah yeah I know. You told me this fifty times already,” you laughed lightly. “Come on, help me a little bit. I can’t carry you all the way, you’re too heavy!”

“I can’t feel my legs~”

“Oh for fucks sake.” You set her agaisnt the wall and caught your breath. You pulled out your phone and decided you had no other choice. You were calling her brother. 

“Who are you calling?” she asked after hearing the phone ring.

“Your brother.”

All traces of alcohol left her body as she practically screamed, “YOU’RE CALLING MY BROTHER?!”

“Relax! It’s Sanzu, not Takeomi. I considered Sanzu would be more understanding about this. It’s not like he and Omi are on speaking terms anymore.”

“Yeah but…”

“It’ll be okay, I promise,” you reassured her, patting her head.

“Hullloooo?” Sanzu’s voice rang through the speakers and you instantly perked up. 

“Sanzu! Hey! We kinda need your help right now.”

“‘M sorta busy right now. Is it urgent?”

“Senju’s kind of passed out right now and I need help taking her home. I can’t do it myself.”

“Senju’s WHAT?!” Takeomi’s voice boomed through the phone; Senju shivered in fear. 

“Sanzu! Why’d you put me on speaker phone you idiot!”

“So I can hear you better! Nothing’s wrong with that!”

You groaned and slapped a hand over your face, whispering sorry to Senju who looked like she was already planning her funeral. 

“Where are you guys right now?” Takeomi asked, sounding positively furious.

You gulped, Senju rapidly shaking her head no no no no. “We’re at this club…” you admitted, giving him the address.

“Wait, that club?” Sanzu perked up. “That place is like known for hardcore ass shit bro. Don’t tell me Senju took anything from there?”

“...she did.”

“Ah shit. Yeah, okay. Coming. It’s really close from here Takeomi. Don’t worry, lets’ go.” He turned his attention back to his phone. “You two. Stay right there—”

“You girls look pretty lonely by yourself.” The three of you froze as a deep voice spoke from behind you. You felt time pass in slow motion as you turned around to look at a guy waiting by the club’s backdoor. 

“We’re not lonely,” you said slowly. “Thanks for your concern though.”

Senju stood up on shaky legs and clutched onto your arms when she felt his stare on her body. “Yeah, we’re fine.”

“Who is that?” Sanzu asked from the phone.

“I don’t know,” you whispered back, clutching the phone tightly.

“Seriously don’t move. We’re heading out right now. All of us, okay?”

“Okay okay.” You had no clue who “all of us” meant, but you didn’t care, not when the guy slowly stepped away from the wall and began walking towards you both. You missed Sanzu calling for Ran to come in the car with them, your attention solely focused on this strange man in front of you.

“How old are you girls?” he asked, not even bothering to hide the shameless way he was gazing you both up and down.

“It’s none of your business,” Senju spat, slowly stepping back when he began walking forward. 

“It’s rude to not answer a question.”

“It’s even ruder to ask personal questions to strangers!”

“Senju, stop. You’re provoking him.” You squeezed her arm roughly, digging your nails into her arm.

“I don’t care! I hate men like him that think they’re entitled to us!”

“Men like me, huh? Go on, babe. Enlighten me on men like me.” 

“Senju just ignore him,” you whispered, panic filling you when you looked down at  your phone to see Sanzu had already hung up. “Sorry but we really have to get going,” you said to the man, bowing slightly before grabbing Senju’s hand and beginning to walk away from him.

You could hear his footsteps behind you and began walking faster until the point where you were running away towards the end of the alley. The end of the alley seemed so far away with how small your vision was as you panicked hearing him begin to run after you. Senju was a faster runner than you and grabbed your hand tightly, leading the way as you both bolted as fast as you could. 

“Stop running girls! I just wanna touch you!” he screamed out, laughing obnoxiously. He was clearly high on something.

Senju bumped into the chest of Takeomi at the end of the alley, and the man came to stop upon seeing Sanzu exit the car, a manic smile on his face.

“You wanna touch my sister huh?” Takeomi gritted out.

“Wow, uh I didn’t mean for—I didn’t know she was—” 

Sanzu walked up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “I think we should have a little chat, huh? Come with me.” He had this strangely friendly smile on his face that sent shivers down your spine. 

Your heart was beating out of your chest and you barely heard Takeomi telling you both to get in the car. He and Sanzu stayed behind and taught the man a lesson, and Senju slipped in the back, taking up all three seat as she laid down, exhausted.

You had no choice to sit in the front seat. The windows were tinted so you didn’t see Ran until you opened the door. You blinked uselessly at him, fingers tightening against the handle. “What are you doing here?”

“Saving your stupid ass, that’s what. Now get in.”

You swallowed whatever retort you had because he wasn’t lying, and as much as you shouldn’t a part of you felt relieved to see a familiar face after that incident. You slipped in the front seat and slammed the door behind you, putting your seatbelt on and looking straight ahead.

Ran got the order from Takeomi to take Senju home first and so he began driving towards the Akashi household. Senju was dead to the world in the backseat, drooling partially on the seat as the fatigue from running finally hit.The two of you sat in silence the entire ride, and Ran exited the car to put Senju inside once they arrived. He locked the door behind him and re-entered the car to see you facing the opposite way, staring out the window.

No other words were said as he dropped you back at your house, and you were surprised you both said nothing to each other the entire time. After sitting in silence outside your house for a while, Ran finally broke the silence.

“Are you fucking stupid?” Ran scolded. “What made you think coming to an underground club was a good fucking idea?”

“Oh sorry, I was just playing the role of the dumb desperate slut that can’t keep her legs closed. Sorry if I gave you a fright.”

“Listen to me,” he said sharply, making you snap your mouth shut. “You could’ve died tonight if we weren’t here tonight you know that? That place you went to, that’s not for girls like you. Not for girls like Senju either. I don’t know what fucking possessed you to be acting this fucking recklessly, but I just hope you know what you experienced tonight was a wake up call. You aren’t built for this goddamn lifestyle, so stop trying to act like you are.”

“...you’re right. I’m sorry, Ran.” You looked down at your lap when the tears started to drop from your eyes. “Tonight was so scary, I genuinely don’t know what would’ve happened if you weren’t there.”

Ran sighed and you kept sniffling as you heard his door open before slamming shut. You watched him round the car and open it on your end. “W-what are you—”

He carried you out of the car, your legs wrapping around his waist as he kicked the door closed behind him, walking up to your front door. He set you down on the ground and held his hand out. “Keys.”

You swallowed and reached inside your purse, pulling them out and into his hand. He unlocked your front door and once again carried you inside, locking the door behind you. He led you upstairs to your bedroom and set you down on your bed. 

You watched in confusion as he walked over to your chest of drawers and began searching for your pyjamas. Once in hand, he tossed them next to you on the bed, and then walked into your ensuite bathroom. You heard him turn the shower on.

“Get changed and come in here,” he said from the bathroom.

You stripped out from your dress and entered the bathroom, not even bothering to cover yourself in his presence, nothing he hasn’t seen before anyway. He was in the midst of taking his shirt off when you stepped into the shower, the warm water running down your body as you waited for him to join you.

You stared at your feet when he grabbed your soap, placing some on his hand before lavashing your body with soap, rubbing them along your arms and sides. 

“What are you doing Ran?” you finally asked as he bent down to wash your legs.

“What I should’ve done months ago.” His tone left no space for a remark from you, so you stayed silent and let him do what he had to you. Once you were washed clean, he turned the shower off and stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel and wrapped it around your body. “Go and get changed.”

“You need a towel too. I’ll go get one.” You quickly towelled yourself dry before stepping out, returning with an unused towel from your storage. “Here.”

“Thanks.”

You entered your bedroom and got changed into the clothes he picked out for you, then handed him some clothes of his you kept when he used to sleep over all those months ago. You sat on the bed and listened to him change. 

“Are you going to sleep over?” you asked, looking up at him.

“You want me to?”

You nodded slowly, getting into bed. He followed you, giving you some space as he laid down beside you. He had his back facing you, turned away from you and you frowned at the lack of attention.

“...Ran?” you tested, seeing if he was asleep or not.

“What?”

“Why don’t you want me?” you whispered, remembering the last time you were in your bed together. 

“Because I don’t deserve you,” he responded, voice flat and devoid of any emotion.

“Huh?” you asked, confused.

He turned around and looked at you, your eyes glossy with fresh tears. “I uh. I spoke to my mom a few months ago.” Your eyes widened, knowing the estranged relationship he has with her. Why didn’t he tell you this?

“I spoke to her and she uh, gave me a fucking reality check.”

“What did she say?” You shifted closer, close enough that you could see and finally notice the eyebags under his eyes, like he hasn’t had a good night sleep in time, which was strange for Ran as he savours sleep more than anything else in the world.

“A lot,” he sighed exhaustedly, rubbing a hand over his forehead. “Said I was a lot like my old man. That was I was emotionally stunted, sadistic, and a downright shitty person.” His chuckle was so emotionless, you almost reached out and hugged him, but stayed still as he wasn’t finished talking. “Worst thing was she’s right. I can’t savour relationships for my fucking life and when I actually felt something for the first damn time, I fucked things up and ruined it. Nobody else did that. I did. I’m responsible for that shit. I don’t wanna bring you down and you deserve better than me, whether you wanna admit that shit or not.”

He took a moment and you were unsure if you should respond or not. When you were about to, he continued. 

“She told me I’d ruin your life if I pursed you. Told me I was being fucking selfish. Can you believe that shit? And you know what, I fucking believed her. I thought I would do that, that’s why I pushed you away. I wanted you all to myself which is why I continued sleeping with you, which was wrong of me I know, but you seemed happy which is why I didn’t think much of it. Then you had to go fuck with my goddamn head and tell me you wanted me too.”

“...sorry,” you whispered, feeling the breath sweep out from your lungs.

“It’s not your fault, dummy. It’s mine. I—In that moment I should’ve been selfish. I know I should’ve, and every fucking day I regret not doing that shit. But as usual I fucked things up again, then you were gone. I thought we could still be friends so I could at least see you again, but nope. You distanced yourself from me.”

Another tear fell from your eyes, wetting your pillow the longer you heard him talk. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologising. You did the right thing. Keeping you as a friend would’ve been selfish of me. You clearly distanced yourself because you wanted to get over me, but I wanted you all for myself and wanted you in my life at all times, even if that wasn’t what you wanted. Once again, proving my ma right. I’m fucking selfish. Then that stupid party happened and just seeing you with Manjiro made me want to lose my shit. The fact that I wasn’t able to have you because as a guy living this type of lifestyle, it would be considered selfish. But yet Mikey was? How come he was allowed to be selfish and I wasn’t?”

“It’s not selfish Ran,” you finally got a word in. “I didn’t even like Mikey like that. We were just drunk and horny. I never dated him. In fact, I hadn’t dated anyone since I was with you. Nobody else made me feel the way you made me feel and it was selfish of me to want you when you didn’t want me back at that time. We’re allowed to be selfish Ran. Don’t let that stop you from getting what you want.”

Ran’s eyes were wide as he listened to you talk. When you finished, he shook his head. “My level of selfish and yours aren’t the same. In my world, if you’re vulnerable it can get you killed, or put in a bad situation where you have to take a live, or have yours taken. You don’t need to be involved in that. That’s why I can’t be selfish.”

“But—”

“No. Buts. Go find a nice accountant to date or whatever. You don’t need me tying your life down.”

You frowned. “I don’t want an accountant though.”

“Why not? You always said you wanted to marry rich.”

You shifted closer, flush against his. “I never said it had to be good money though.” You pressed a kiss to his cheek.

He looked down at you. “You’re fucking crazy,” he said with a light laugh, and you were happy you were able to break the ice.

You wrapped your arms around his shoulder, pulling him closer till your noses touched. “You love it though.” 

“Damn right I do.”

#—tr </3 #ran x reader #haitani ran x reader #ran haitani x reader #tokyorev x reader #tokrev #tokrev x reader #haitani ran smut #ran smut #tokrev smut

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

Cinema dates with tangerine😉 nsfw please and thank you

ive had this idea for so long omg!! lemme give you my thots🫡

—

CINEMA DATE

tangerine x female reader

warnings. 18+ only!! public masturbation (m receiving) handjob, brief mention of sex at end. mdni

okay RIGHT so imagine this !!

you both go to a late-night showing, wearing matching black lounge wear (joggers and a hoodie) super comfy, cosy attire. all-round sweet and cute

you pack a couple snacks for the movie but he treats you to a slushie and a pick 'n' mix :(( there's no limit for how much you add to the bag, just as long as you "don't take the piss,"

once you get to your showing room, you realise how empty it is, only a few couples scattered around. you take your seats at the back and get situated

you don't often get times like this together (as he's always working) so you're a little more handsy than usual- without even realising you're doing it. you'd be stroking his thigh or lightly brushing over his arm. just seemingly innocent touches as you watch the movie with a focused gaze

you'd hear a harsh sigh and turn to face tan. he'd be a frazzled, flustered mess- trying to even his breathing (your touches turning him ON)

you'd look down and see his hard-on tenting in his joggers and conceal a small giggle. AND THE WAY HE'D LOOK AT YOU???? OH!! MY!! GOD!! kinda puppy dog eyes, all pleading and desperate- wanting to feel you after all your unintentional teasing. head tilted to the side, looking at you like you're the prettiest thing :(( his eyes would flicker over you, darting over your face 😖

you'd nod and smile, slipping your hand into the front of his trousers and under his boxers. palming over his semi, watching the way his head would fall back slightly, his lips parting when he finally feels your hand around where he needed it

you'd lazily pump his cock, toying with him as you watch the screen. going so so SO slowly, just rolling him in your hand and teasing at his tip with your thumb

he'd grip at the sides of the chair OR your knee, using it as a distraction from the painfully aching feeling between gif legs. he'd mutter about wanting you to go faster and about needing to cum, so you listen. you give him what he wants in the way you want to give it to him

you'd work over him with your palm, tugging him off a little faster- waiting for the quiet part of the movie (hehe) 

he'd cum (hard) during a quiet/ silent scene !! probably holding his fist to his mouth, murmuring a few stifled groans and moans with forcefully closed eyes

he'd silently scold you for your mean timing. maybe he gets a little sensitive and swats your hand away

you'd pull your hand out, showing him strings of cum splattered on your fingers AND THE LOOK HE'D GIVE YOU !?!?!?! GOOD LORD🫠

he'd excuse himself to the toilets, cleaning up and bringing you a tissue for your hand

after the movie... you'd fuck in the car (bc I say so) then, you'd get dinner from the drive-thru. you'd eat in comfortable silence in the dark, quiet car park, taking in everything that happened

thumbs up. good date. def do it again!👍

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

#ask #this is on my bucket list #tangerine #tangerine x reader #tangerine smut #tangerine x fem!reader #tangerine bullet train

[brooooswriting]

ma am I saw your post and I when I was about to request.

SITUATIOND PART 6 HELL YEAH

take your time and have a good day <3

Situations 6

Situations 1, situations 2, situations 3, situations 4, situations 5, situations 7

Jenna Ortega x reader

That night Kara came to your apartment around 11:30 pm. After you shot another text to her mom the girl settled into the guest room, you’ve always liked their mother and their mother has always been a big fan of your. To be honest you probably liked her the most from the whole family, sure Mia and Kara were nice and their father was too, but Miriam, their mother, has always given you the space and time to talk and be yourself.

Anyway, after the younger girl settled into your guest room down the hall you decided to wake Jenna as she peacefully slept on the couch with her head against the arm rest. She looked cute as your bigger clothes engulfed her petite frame while the blanket was half on top of her and the rest was on the ground.

“Jenna” you mumbled as you crouched down next to her, your hand lightly stroking her arm. The only response you really got was a grumble causing you to chuckle before trying again. “Come on, it’s 11:30. Do you wanna sleep over or should I drive you home?” You whispered again, not really getting an answer until her arms wrapped around your arm and pulled you close. “Wanna stay over?” You asked again, she grumbled again and then nodded.

After 10 more minutes of trying to get her to walk to the bedroom you just decided to pick her up and carry her there. “Is it okay if we sleep in the same bed?” You were aware of the fact that the two of you had already slept in the same bed once and that not even four hours ago you were kissing on the street, but you still wanted to make sure that the girl is comfortable. “If you aren’t then I might just go home” she answered.

After you were done laughing you laid next to her, giving her the opportunity to cuddle up to you. She backed up into you causing you to spoon her, your head on top of hers and her hands holding yours over her stomach. You haven’t fallen asleep that quickly in weeks.

The next morning you were awoken at around 4 am by someone knocking on your door, or rather trying to knock thru it. You carefully parted from the sleeping actress in your arms to open the door before the loud sound woke her or Kara up. In front of the door stood Mia, her face red and angry, her hand in the air to knock again. “Mia, it’s 4 am. What the hell do you want?” You asked kinda pissed, you normally didn’t have a problem with waking up early but a) this was the first night since Jenna had went Radio silence on you that you weren’t drunk and b) you had the most perfect girl sleeping in your bed.

“How dare you leave Kara alone at a party full of people she doesn’t know?!” She screamed as she pushed past you into the room. “First of all, lower your voice, there are people sleeping in this apartment. And second of all, I asked her and your mom, they were fine with it. She didn’t wanna leave so why should she?” You were really confused, Mia always left her younger sister somewhere alone, so why was this suddenly a problem? “You left her for that girl, that bitch that ghosted you remember?” She did in fact barely lower her voice, giving you a headache. “I left because I got into a fight” you were telling the truth, you didn’t leave for Jenna or anything, you just couldn’t stand that guy anymore. “A fight you got into because of that… that girl” you sighed, trying to calm yourself, “I got into a fight because the guy was homophobic and tried to tell her what to do. As a woman I would have said something about it no matter who” you tried to explain calmly while the blonde paced through the living room.

“You shouldn’t even talk to her anymore. After our night together, we could be something. Let her be so we can continue dating, two nights ago was a great start” she told you, confusing you. You tried to remember what had happened two nights ago but the only thing you could remember was her coming over when you were black out drunk. The next thing you knew was you waking up in underwear in your bed. “What are you talking about?” You asked causing her to gasp, “we made love honey” now was your time to gasp. “Mia, when you came over I was completely drunk, black out drunk. I barely remember you coming over. We 100% did not make love” you tried to stay calm but the whole situation gave you a migraine and scared you. “We did, sure you were drunk but you looked at me like you wanted me and then I” she couldn’t finish her sentence as Jenna suddenly exited your bed room.

“I think you should go” she told the girl as she stood tall. “I think you can’t tell me what to do” the blonde answered and just as you were about to say something, the small actress pushed the girl out and closed the apartment door after whispering something. “Jenna” you started but she disappeared into the bed room, slamming the door.

You fell on to the couch, searching for any memories of that night, but none came up. She never even felt the slightest bit attracted to Mia, never did so why would do make a move all of the sudden? You didn’t get to think too long as your bed room door opened and the brunette stepped out. Slowly sitting down beside you, her shoulder pumping against yours.

“Do you really not remember anything? I want the whole story or I’m leaving” Her voice was small and shaky. You could see tear stains on her face, some new, some older. “No, I don’t. After you went radio silent on me, I was a bit of a wreck and the first three nights I went to parties and got shitfaced, just like three nights ago. I called Mike but he was out of state so I guess he send Mia. Anyway, the last thing I really remember from that night was opening her the door and her brining a bottle of tequila. I believe I was crying, complaining about how I could be so stupid to let my feelings ruin you and me. The next morning is also a bit of a blur but I do remember waking up in underwear and finding one of Mia’s shirts. But I guessed that we were too drunk to change… the only thing I’m rather sure about is not making a move on her” you had tears welling up in your eyes, hiding your face in your hands as your elbows were placed on your knees.

A soft sigh came from your right before two arms wrapped around your shoulder to pull you into her. She placed soft kissed against your temple. “I’m so sorry” she mumbled as she rubbed your back. “For what?” You lifted your face from your hands to look at her brown eyes, “Darling, it’s not your fault. I was being irresponsible, I should have guessed that this would happen.” The actress shook her head, her hands finding your face, “none of this is your fault. You shouldn’t be scared of friends taking advantage of you when you’re drunk! It’s not your fault”

You nodded before she lightly kissed your lips, making sure that you were okay with the physical contact. “How about we go back to bed huh? It’s 4:30, we can sleep a bit and then make breakfast” you nodded before standing up and pulling her along with your intervened hands. It didn’t take you long to fall asleep as you were exhausted from what just happened.

You were woken up again at 8 but this time by Jenna stroking your hair to wake you up. “Good morning” she mumbled as she kissed your cheek, “morning love” you rasped out as kissed her hand.

After both of you showered, on your own, and you lend her some of your clothes you made breakfast for yourselves and Kara. “You really aren’t helpful hun” you giggled as she sat on the counter and ate the fruit you just cut, “I give you company so I am in fact helpful” you both laughed as you flipped the pancake.

When the whole table was set and the food was done you went to take the fruit from Jenna who tried to keep it out of your reach, after a small wrestling break you went to wake Kara up.

“Kara, breakfast is ready” you told her after you knocked on the door. The okay that followed was your sign to go back to the kitchen, “she’s coming” you told the brunette as you sat down next to her. “Is this gonna be weird?” She asked as you sat down, “I mean, she’s her sister, isn’t she gonna be on her side?” She continued looking into her cup as she swirled the liquid inside. “Kara has always been pretty easy, she makes up her own mind but tolerates nearly everything, so as long as you don’t start hating on her sister and answer her questions truthfully she’ll be fine”

And that was exactly how it was, after Kara asked some questions about Jenna in general, she started asking about the incident. “What’s gonna happen between you and Mia now?” She asked as she cut her pancake, “well, you know that her and I will never be a thing right? Your sister and I are/were great friends but I never felt a romantic connection and that won’t change. Plus, I do have Jenna. Right now; i will take some distance from her and then we can decide.”

After breakfast you decided to drive Kara home as you didn’t want her to take the bus. “You’re coming along right? I don’t wanna go there alone” Jenna never saw you so unsure and it broke her heart. “Of course I am” so all three of you got in the truck as you started the drive toward Kara’s household.

Turns out, Jenna and Kara do have a lot in common, especially their music taste as they were giving throughout the whole ride. “Sorry to interrupt this small concert but we arrived at your destination” you told them as you lowered the music. While you were saying your goodbyes, Miriam came to your car. “Y/n, it’s so nice to see you!! Thank you again for taking Kara” she said happily, causing you to smile. “Why don’t you come over for family dinner tomorrow?” You dreaded this question, gripping the steering wheel tighter, “I’d love to, but Mia and I need some time from each other. I’m sorry” Jenna’s thumb rubbed over your hand while Miriam smiled at you comfortingly. “It’s okay. I get it” after a moment of silence she continued, “is this pretty girl your girlfriend?” She was looking at Jenna who was smiling back at her. You leaned closer to the older woman, “well I do hope that this pretty girl will be my girl soon” you whispered so the actress couldn’t hear you. Miriam cooed before her husband called her inside causing all of you to say your goodbyes.

“So how does a first date sound?” You asked as you drove away from the house.

—————————————————-

I’m sorry this is very short but I’m in a bit of a stress as I’m having my graduation exams soon and I barely studied until now and it’s really fucking me up. So I’m sorry if this is full of mistakes or shitty :/

#reader insert #brooooswriting #jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega x you #jenna ortega #jenna ortega x y/n #wednesday addams x reader #jenna #wednesday x reader #wednesday addams x you

[questionableratatouille00]

ʜɪɢʜᴡᴀʏ ᴛᴏ ʜᴇʟʟ ᴄʜ. 2

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Summary: In an effort to get the two of you to bond, Tony Stark sends you and the ex-assassin Bucky Barnes on a road trip together. The problem? You hate each other. The situation? Two weeks in a car together. The reward: three days of a resort vacation. And the problem? He's kinda cute.

Warnings (Entire Series): Enemies-to-lovers, cursing, sexual tension, angst, fluff, crying, fighting, violence, chaos, mentions/talk of trauma, discussions of mental health, and potentially more.

Warnings: Enemies-to-lovers, cursing, sexual tension, food and eating, insecurity on Bucky's part, and Bucky is probably written wrong. (Trying my best lmao)

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 ||

[Series Masterlist]

---------------------------------------------

𝑶𝒏𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑴𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒚, 𝑻𝒘𝒐 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑺𝒉𝒐𝒘

🄳🄰🅈 1

It had been twenty minutes into the drive. Tony had specifically picked out a route for the two of you to follow, which was saved into your phone.

Neither of you had said anything since the whole 'who's-driving' thing. Part of you was grateful, but at the same time it just made the whole situation awkward.

As your playlist filled the car with noise, you attempted to just ignore him.

"What time is it?" You ask, quickly glancing at him. He tapped your phone with his flesh hand, reading the time as it opened up to your lock screen.

"11:00am." He answers.

"You wanna stop somewhere for lunch? There's a cluster of fast food places about fifteen minutes from us."

He nods.

When you get to the nearest fast food place, the two of you notice the long Drive-Thru line. "I know you don't like being in public or whatever," you begin, "but the line is super long. You wanna head inside?"

After a brief moment, he nodded again. Smiling slightly, you led the way into the restaurant.

--------------

Bucky sat across from you in silence, sipping on his drink. He wanted to make an effort, to try and befriend you, at least for this trip. The only issue is that he's not sure how.

After an insanely quiet argument disagreement at the ordering counter over who was going to pay for the food, Bucky wasn't ready to piss you off again. Especially after he had won said disagreement. He realized right after the two of you had sat down at the booth that you could've just ordered separately, but it was too late.

"Is it alright if I drive?" He asked as the two of you walked to the truck. He watched your expression, studying the changes in it. You were about to argue, but a yawn stopped you. "Sure." You answered finally.

Opening the truck door and hopping inside, Bucky buckled his seatbelt, listening to you do the same. He started the truck, watching you lean the passenger seat back. "I'm gonna plug in my phone. The route's on it." You say as you do so. "I'm taking a nap. Wake me up if you get tired."

"Alright." He drives in silence for a while. He can't quite tell how long had passed. It could've been five minutes or four hours. It was 9:00pm when you woke back up. "Good morning." You muttered. "You can't drive all night. How far out's the nearest hotel or something?" You picked up your phone, realizing there was no cell service. Checking the map, you scrolled around on it. "Two hours and forty-five minutes. Jesus--you look half-dead, dude."

He yawned, side-eyeing you. "I look fine."

"You look like Victor from The Corpse Bride. That's not 'fine', man." You countered. "Just find a place to pull over for the night. We're in the middle of nowhere, so there's probably a little trail or something we can drive down." He nodded at this suggestion. "Alright. Tell me when you see one."

Maybe fifteen minutes passed before you told him to slow down. "Right up there. Look." You pointed through the windshield, and he drove the truck down a small path leading to a little clearing in the woods.

"Just put it in park off to the side." You told him, and he complied. "Do you wanna sleep in the backseat or anything?"

He shook his head. "You can have it."

"I'm too lazy to crawl over the seat, and I don't wanna get out." I sighed. "I have a couple episodes of Dance Moms downloaded if you wanna watch it with me." You glance at him for approval as you pick up your phone. He doesn't stop you, so you pull up the show.

You grin as you successfully balance your phone on the shift stick. It was fun for you, studying Bucky's expressions. He even made you laugh once in a while, when his eyes widened and his brows furrowed at Abby talking to one of the moms.

Eventually, the two of you drifted off, Bucky making sure to turn off your phone before he fell asleep.

--------------

🄳🄰🅈 2

You woke up to the sun shining right into your eyes.

"Morning." Bucky said, looking up from his book. When did he get that? You considered it for a moment, before your brain fully woke up. He probably just grabbed it from his suitcase. Duh.

"Morning." You replied, checking the time. It was just a little past eight.

"I'm gonna drive for a little while." He said as he started the truck.

"Kate packed a snack bag for me. You need breakfast, Super Soldier." You reached into the floor of the backseat, grabbing the grocery bag and pulling it into your lap. "We got..granola bars, juice boxes, Goldfish, pretzels...And a bunch of other things. What do ya feel like?"

After he decided on a granola bar, you picked your breakfast snack of choice.

"There's a little town a couple hours out. If you want, we can just wait to get food and stuff until we get there." He suggests.

"Sure." You agreed, wondering why he wasn't being as asshole-ish as usual. "Sounds good to me."

--------------

You did end up reaching that town by lunchtime. The old and faded sign indicating so was perched off to the side of the main road. 'Welcome to Brandon Briar!', it read.

"We should just get a hotel room. My back hurts like hell, and we can just get back on the road tomorrow."

"Can you make it until the next town?"

"What? No. I haven't pissed since we stopped for lunch yesterday, Bucky."

He rolled his eyes, and you mentally took back everything you said about him not being an asshole today. "Look, there's a hotel right there. I will personally pay for the rooms, just get in the parking lot."

"You don't have to." He sighs, pulling into the hotel's parking lot.

You lift your suitcase and backpack out of the backseat, before heading into the lobby. Bucky follows as you approach the receptionist.

She's an older lady, some sections of her hair gray, other sections a warm brown. Her eyes match the brown, and she smiles when she sees the two of you walk in.

"Hello. Welcome to the Brandon Briar Hotel. How may I help you two today?" She asked, looking up at the two of you. She has wrinkles by the corners of her eyes, and smile lines around her mouth. Her voice is warm, as is everything about her. A quick glance to her nametag revealed that her name is Barbara C.

"We'd like two rooms, please." You smiled politely.

"Alright, and how long will the two of you be staying, dear?"

"Just for tonight, if that's okay."

"Wonderful. Is it okay if it's a connecting room? The festival always brings in a lot of tourists." She smiled proudly.

"Festival?"

"Yes, Brandon Briar has it every year. Here's a flyer, if you're thinking about attending." She slipped a brightly colored flyer over the counter, sliding it in front of you. The main colors, yellow, blue, and white, were eye-catching and pretty.

"Now, is the connecting room okay, sweetheart?" She asked again, though there was not a single note of annoyance in her voice.

"Oh--yes. That will be perfect."

You pay quickly for both of the rooms before Bucky--who had been standing behind you silently--could fight you on it. Barbara hands you the two key cards, and you hand Bucky one. Taking the flyer with you, you give Barbara one final 'thank you' and a smile, before heading to the elevator.

Bucky presses the button for the 2nd floor, where your rooms are. You study the flyer.

"This is pretty cool. It's like a 'this-town-through-the-decades' kind of thing. There's a 40's style dance thing tonight." You state, reading the first event listed. The festival is a week long, starting tonight, Monday, and ending on Sunday.

Bucky nods, yet he says nothing.

"Do you wanna go? It sounds fun."

"No." He answers simply.

"Why not?" You furrow your brows, confused.

"I don't dance."

"Okay, Chad from High School Musical." You side-eye him. "Please can we go?"

"Neither of us have anything to wear to it." He tries to reason as the elevator door opens. Walking down the hallway, you continue to argue with him. "I'm sure there's at least one store that sells stuff specifically for the festival. Barbara--the receptionist--said that the festival brings in a bunch of tourists, so they have to have something around here."

"We're both Avengers. We could be recognized."

"So? Either way, we're in a tiny ass town in the middle of nowhere. If we were recognized, it wouldn't even matter."

He looked down at his gloved left hand. He always wore thick jackets or long-sleeved shirts, paired with gloves.

"Nobody's gonna care." You reassured quietly. It was true that the two of you didn't get along very well, but you didn't think it was fair to make personal attacks. You knew his arm, and basically his entire past, really, were sensitive topics.

When you opened your room, you immediately rushed to the bathroom, dropping off your stuff by the door.

--------------

Bucky took off his gloves, stepping into the hotel room. Quickly opening the door that connected to your room, he sighed. He couldn't handle the stares from random civilians whenever he went jacketless. But the way you looked so excited when you talked about it...He wanted to go. He really did.

He looked at you when you opened your door to his room.

"I'll go with you. If you want."

"Really?" You grin. He nods, already regretting his decision.

"Come on, we gotta find 40's shit." You decide.

#mcu #marvel #bucky barnes #marvel cinematic universe #marvel mcu #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky x you #james bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #Highway to Hell

[jooniely]

I'm kinda surprised I haven't come across any meta about class in mxtx's works. She the type of writer who hides a lot of her themes so the reader has to pay attention to see and understand it.

In svsss our main character is someone who presumably lived a comfortable life and didn't have to worry about his financial situation. He gets transmigrated to sqq who has already gotten himself to a comfortable position so SY doesn't have to really work for anything in that regard. He's shown to have little sympathy towards SJ when he becomes aware of his life full of struggle as well as towards Airplane who had to sell out in order to make a living. You could argue ofc that it's cuz he's upset he's living thru the story but so is Airplane! And it's not really his fault lol.

Anyways the only person he seems to have empathy for in this regard is binghe but his empathy is about the abuse binghe suffered rather than the poverty he went thru (as far as I can remember at least, please correct me if I'm wrong)

Then there's mu qing and wwx and xue yang and jin guangyao and hua cheng and xie lian and fengxin (there might be more but i cant remember right now. I do remember that a lot of tgcf characters had hone thru poverty). Each of them have gone thru extreme poverty and it has affected them majorly in some cases and very subtly in others.

Despite so many characters going thru it I personally haven't seen much meta and analysis about class especially given how much it affects the characters and drives the plot. (Other than for jin guangyao since that's a big part of his arc)

I was thinking about svsss so I kinda extended it for that novel but there's still so much to look at when it comes to all of mxtx's work so I hope I see more!

#mxtx #mxtx meta #mdzs #svsss #tgcf #shen yuan #shen jiu #scum villian self saving system #mo dao zu shi #heaven official's blessing

[quinloki]

Hahaha jokes on you for saying people are qualified to speak to you bc now I’m even more encouraged to send you my thoughts

Jk. But I appreciate your acceptance of them. I’m currently trying to bully my IRL bestie to hurry tf up on getting thru one piece bc right now my options are limited like she’s in enies lobby now and I’m like pls… at least get to post time skip… I can scream about Law and Marco then

Omg ok so it’s peak squirrel brain hours for me rn so lemme try to tell you about this brainrot I’ve been having.

I literally have no idea where it came from but modern au, you’re a patron at thatch’s bar, you go there often and are friendly with thatch bc he’s a nice guy. Friends with Luffy. You go to said bar, having a great time with your friends, whitebeard crew shows up bc it’s thatch’s place obvi, but some other crew busts in trying to pick a fight. Somehow you get yoinked as a hostage bc the other crew wants to fight somewhere else (a trap duh) and it’s not a situation where they can get you out safe so they’re like yes we’ll fight you at this location but Marco is like I wanna come too, prolly cause he feels responsible maybe you were by the whitebeard crew bc you were luffy’s friend or you were flirting with Marco and that’s why you got snatched

And the baddies they’re like fine fine but it’s seastone cuffs. They got beef with him or something so they were down, plus having one of their fighters tapped out seemed smart

So you go off with them and both of you are just subconsciously trying to protect the other Marco even has you come sit on his lap bc the sketchy van you’re put in has stuff all over the floor and you’re wearing shorts/skirt and it’s conveniently freezing in the van so like, y’all can warm eachother up

And the baddies are like oh wait is it the Phoenix’s gf is that why he wanted to come and they’re taunting like oh the things we could do to your little gf and Marco is like just remember the cuffs won’t be on forever

Anyways they drive y’all around until the meeting time maybe taunting or roughing poor Marco up a little and finally they all meet up at this trap location except obvi the whitebeard pirates are gonna kick ass and come to the rescue and they take you back with them to heal any injuries/make sure you ok

BUT

Oh no one of the baddies gets away and starts posting all over the dark web about the phoenix’s weakness and everyone is like oh you’re in danger guess you gotta stay with us for awhile

And Marco was so nice so you just have a huge crush but he somewhat avoids you bc he feels responsible so you’re like oh he does not like me back oh ok

And idk they’re loosely mafia ish so some shenanigans ensue of people coming after you but Marco is always there to protect you and the tension is off the charts

….

That’s kinda as far as my brain got bc I keep starting over lmao

Ugh I wish I was better at making that a cute little story I’m so good at coming up with things in my head but typing them out is so hard T_T

But I hope you enjoyed my brainrot I’m about to head to bed and will most likely be thinking of it more <3

An Author friend of mine - far more successful and suited to the job than I am - said something once that really sticks with me.

The ideas are the easy part, writing is the hard part.

Some people will come to her with ideas, and want some sort of 50/50 deal for doing "half" the work, and honestly, no matter how well fleshed out the idea is, it's barely going to be 5% of the process at best.

I don't share that to put your idea down, not even a little, but I do mention it to highlight that you're not wrong. Turning ideas into stories is the hard part, and honestly I always love seeing that truth understood too. (Real fun is when you apply that to other things and realize that certain types who have "great ideas" are rarely the ones who make them reality, but they really want to continually tell you how great their ideas are changing the world >.> )

<.<

Moving on from my little rant, I have to say I LOVE THIS - KAZIEAI OMFG I AM FOAMING AT THE FUCKING MOUTH YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS IS ONE OF MY MOST FAVORITIESTS SITUATIONS EVER!

I love everything about this!

AND THE ENSUING ANGST

UNNNGH.

So - I have to admit I have a Mafia AU Marco story I'm slowly working on. It's pretty complex so far, intended as a slowburn anyway, and I really want to incorporate this idea into it. I just love the vibes.

AND - lol - one of the points I wanted to sort out for it was specifically having the reader end up in the Main House for the Whitebeard Mafia family. This idea is PERFECT, a few adjustments for the reader type and the AU itself, and the vibes are there. It's a Devil Fruit AU too, so >.>

the reader as a hostage gets Marco as a "hostage", they're supposed to let her go at that point, but someone gets the brilliant idea that the girl keeps the bird inline, and Pops' prize bird keeps the other boys inline, so they're keeping both.

The idea of the doomed kidnappers thinking the two are together works, it'll be the 2nd or 3rd time they've met and yeah, there's been flirting, but nothing committal. So her staying at the Main House for protection still leave Marco with a sour taste - he does like her, but this situation isn't fair. He's too laid back and experienced to blatantly avoid her, but he makes sure there's always someone else around, excusing himself before his brothers can "leave the two of them alone" or anything.

In this particular story the reader is an adopted kid of Big Mom's, trying to get away from the mafia life to some degree, and more than that to avoid being married off for whatever reason by Big Mom in the first place. (this is grumbled about in the first chapter, so it's not some big reveal). That certainly adds another layer to things, especially if Lin-Lin sees it as an in to tie the two families together.

Ah, sweet Kazieai <3 I would love to utilize this wonderful idea you've blessed my morning with. Just because the idea part is easier than the writing part doesn't mean it isn't worth due credit ❤️Especially when it's just the scenario I was trying to come up with.

#quin muses #quin answers #reader insert #x reader #kazieai #marco the phoenix #the current working title is Accidental Ornithology >.>

[marsbotz]

hello I keep seeing u talk ab loving skybound but I'm curious as to why u love it, and would LOVE to read a super in-depth explanation bc im kinda a skybound notliker and ik uve changed my mind on certain thigns ab this show b4, and I was hoping u cld do it again !!! :DDD /gen

YEAH. OKAY !!! sorry this is super long and rambly i already had to rewrite it once cus tumblr ate it lol... and also sorry its all basically abt jay (running away embarrassed)

first of all let me say i do think skybound is a BAD season. having the characters suddenly all be sexist out of nowhere to drive plot is stupidddd and so is having a retcon ending that makes it all redundant except for Jaya Canon Now. i think thats mostly what makes the fandom not like it. BUT. i think its sooo interesting for like so many reasons also

i think s8 is considered the darkest season which is fair. but skybound also has a crazyyy amount of dark and DEEPLY interesting things it touches on. the ninja disappearing one by one. jays birth father being his favourite actor. jay torture. jaya actually being interesting!! lets talk abt these.

having the ninja slowly be cut out of the season is GREAT for not only building tension but also being able to more deeply build upon jay and nyas characters (and their relationship). the 22 min format means that some characters (like wu and kai) are gone for AGES. which is sad for kai fans but greatttt for the season. it rlly makes u feel their absence, and some of their disappearances are scary!! zane trying to outsmart nadakhan but realising too late hes been tricked... AHH!!!

if you compare this to how they did it in s12 its a lot more impactful as theres more time for the characters to... be gone. and the videogame nature rlly does take away a lot of the tension IMO. if jays mothers had been in prime empire like planned.... it would have been a GREAT parallel i think but as it is its just kind of odd. thats another convo tho lol (altho there issss the mention of jay being adopted at the end. very interesting [it goes nowhere])

i literally think abt jay adoption arc every god damn day of my life. ill try to explain this without getting too deep into my personal sicko hcs lol. first you get a rlly nice callback to s1 w jay being ashamed of his parents and living in a junkyard only to realise how litte he cares once theyre threatened. thennn you have the whole situation at cliffs house. jay finds out the man who abandoned him at birth (possibly? we dont know details) is the actor for fritz donnegan. the same character who jay imitated and aspired to be like. and then he realises his father felt the same admiration towards jay!! and they both never knew!!!

i think this twist is what makes a lot of jays behaviour in s6.... not excusable... but understandable. jay is shown to be insecure and have weird fucking ways of coping with this (lying. lying lying all the time) and so it kinda feels natural that his way of coping with this information would be to 1. hide the fact he made wishes 2. try to imitate his father through his book and 3. Never Speak Of This Again.

speaking of that lets talk about jay being tortured. can we talk about that?? they FUCKED him up. but the most important part out of allll of it is a character trait i rarely see ppl attribute to jay even though its like... pretty consistent for him. is his willpower!! hes able to endure days of torture to the point where he can barely walk and talk at the end of it just to stop nadakhan from gaining more power

nadakhan also directly points out jays insecurities and how they make him lie to his friends... and jays able to show some of his smarts thru trying to get flintlocke to stage a mutiny! honestly the whole episode is so damn interesting it makes me SEETHE its not more talked abt LOL

i wont get into my insanely complex jaya opinions rn but i will say s6 has one of the most interesting depictions of the ship to me. nya being reluctant to date jay due to being seen simply as his girlfriend is soooo interesting and fits well w her arc of not wanting to give up her own deal w sam x to become a ninja. its just a shame they had to retroactively make everyone misogynistic to do so lolol... and the ending w jays wish Potentially forcing them together is soooo odd and kinda goes what the rest of the season was setting up for them. THIS IS MAINLY why i think ppl hate this season. cus it sets up SOOO much cool stuff and then drops it all last second

i think the things that could have saved skybound from being so hated would be

1. do the same plotpoints w nya but dont drag the ninja AND DARETH into it ..... make them supportive of her!

2. makes jays final wish have some FUCKING consequence! you could do a LOT with how he worded it to twist it badly (im a nadakhan return truther for life)

3. not dropping every single intersting character trait ever. and also not dropping the GOD DAMN ADOPTION ARCCCCCC and also not revealing jay to be so crushingly insecure he physically cannot stop himself from lying to ppl and putting on a happy mask and then turn him into a one note comic relief character. [becoming a soulless husk]

LOL i realise this sounds now like i hate skybound I DONT i just think its very flawed. BUT thats whyyyy i love it... because its so interesting! its flawed in a way like "there is soooo much i cld do w this" and not like "i dont care about any of this its so bad". w ninjago my fav parts have always been the weird icky edgy parts that are almost too much for what it is... which is a childrens lego show. ik they cld never have done most of the interesting stuff i imagine coming out of skybound and thats ok! bc i get to think abt it evilly.

heres some assorted things i love and think are fun in skybound

kai and zane banter at the repo yard

ronin capturing the ninja!! specifically him shutting down zane from the inside is super scary and cool

NINJA IN PRISON!!!!! i almost threw up when they went to jail in crystallised its so fuckign fun. SKYBOUND 2!!!

zane playing chess against nadakahn. another scary zane moment

jay trusting only cole w the truth abt his wishes (HELL YES BROTHER)

clanceeeeee <3 him being like one sided friends w jay and standing up to nadakhan at the end of it all... wahhh

NINJA REPLACEMENTS. so fucking funny i love jay and his assortment of old guys And Skylor

everytime i watch it i cant stop thinking of this ytp and it makes me cry. its not even that funny i just have watched it like 50 times

its dungeon media. this is smth i made up and only i know abt . dont worry abt it but its true

ok my brain is mush HOPE THIS MAKES. some sort of sense . bascially trying to condense 6 years of Thoughts into coherent analysis is impossible for me LOL

#this post twisteed into smth dark and evil halfway thru sorry. i balcked out im not proofreading this shit #ninjago #asks #now someone ask me about s7. #ITS SO HARD DOING THESE cus i literally have a billion thoughts from over 6 yrs of stewing in my brain but its fun i love talking abt ninja #some day i will be able to make actual ninjago meta posts. but not today

[magical-oppas]

i feel both of them r getting a whole new wave of hate again everybody's either bashing charles saying he's washed and what not n on the other side those toxic fans keep on harping tht carlos' win was bought like wtf did we watch the same race

i think this race did show those solo carlos fans tht think leclerc is never a team player n tht carlos never gets prioritized n also those solo charles fans who believe sainz doesn't deserve his seat or whatever

tbh i like both leaning toward charles nowadays yea but god sainz deserved his win thru n thru been on a roll since monza

man i wish those toxic charles fans would stop acting tht way bro it's looks bad on us too😭wtf r u doing

also kinda feel for both of them they seem to hv the opposite driving style(?)so like when one is doing well w their preference like the other kinda doesn't

also yea not an ask jus yea sharing my thoughts ig

No i love it please continue to share your thoughts!

I think you are correct, people on both sides have been pretty unreasonable this season. I have a theory as to why we are in this situation but that is an EXTREMELY spicy opinion and i would very much not like to get witch hunted on tumblr lmao.

You also make a good point with the driving styles. The fact that Carlos felt most comfortable in the mclaren wich is known for being a very different car that requires a very different driving style i think its impossible for Ferrari to create a car both of them are comfortable with unfortunately.

I'm just sad that after the nightmare we have been having this season we can't even enjoy the good (a fucking win!!! A goddamn fucking WIN!!!!) due to immature infighting

#formula 1 #charles lecrelc #carlos sainz #singapore gp 2023 #pls share your thoughts more! thats the point of making tumblr posts! to start a discussion #answered

[saras-devotionals]

Quiet Time 3/6

What am I feeling today?

Another dream, kinda frustrated with it all, like I wish I was over it but at the same not? Also feeling super lazy and tired, ended up sleeping a lot last night and I wish I didn’t because today is my last day to get everything done.

Caring for the Spiritually Wounded (Bible Talk Leader’s Meeting)

Point of lesson: nursing people back to health (spiritual edition🕺)

Jeremiah 8:22 NIV

“Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there? Why then is there no healing for the wound of my people?”

I don’t entirely understand the context of this passage so I searched for commentary, finding:

certainly, there is balm in Gilead, and yes, there is a true physician there; but all of the blame for Israel’s sorrows must rest upon themselves for not applying the wonderful remedy which God has provided.

It is of great interest that the “balm in Gilead” has come to stand as a metaphor of the salvation in Jesus Christ

Furthermore, I got this from my discipler: People need to recover and see that 'pressure is a privilege' - God allows the stressful situation because He knows you can handle it.

Numbers 11:10-12 NIV

“Moses heard the people of every family wailing at the entrance to their tents. The Lord became exceedingly angry, and Moses was troubled. He asked the Lord, “Why have you brought this trouble on your servant? What have I done to displease you that you put the burden of all these people on me? Did I conceive all these people? Did I give them birth? Why do you tell me to carry them in my arms, as a nurse carries an infant, to the land you promised on oath to their ancestors?”

I feel that I can especially relate to this in the sense that I’m in nursing and currently working on an L&D + postpartum unit. I feel that there can be the misconception that babies are very fragile, especially newborns, but that’s not the case. That’s not to say that we shouldn’t be careful with them, but we also know that they can handle a lot more than we initially expect. I think this relates to people, yes we care for them and carry them and keep them safe, but they are also stronger than we give them credit for.

From discipler: As a 'nurse carries an infant'...if we don't care about people and their issues, we gotta look at ourselves and examine 'why don't we care?' Pray to care more and to ask questions, not just focus on ourselves. It is for God's glory that we bring up godly people, shaping them and helping them.

Be Joyful in Spite of Being Tired

Luke 9:1-2 NIV

“When Jesus had called the Twelve together, he gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to proclaim the kingdom of God and to heal the sick.”

Although Jesus hasn’t given us these powers, we have received the Holy Spirit and that’s a powerful thing. We can relate this in terms to demons (issues we may deal with that are hard to shake) and disease (perhaps a hard heart) and with the help of the Holy Spirit, we can work to care for those who are currently dealing with this.

From discipler: He gave me the Holy Spirit so that I can 'drive out the demons' using His power (thru prayer and His word). Identify any 'sickness' within your bible talk. Jesus was a healer and we can be, too.

Romans 15:1-2 NIV

“We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up.”

There are times when my self perspective fluctuate and I can believe that I’m both strong and weak (and I think both are accurate). I can be strong for those who need me to be, I can be the person others can rely on, I can be strong for my patients, family, friends, etc. But I can also be weak, needing those stronger than me to help, seeking advice, going to God because I know I am unable to do it all on my own.

I do wonder about the second half, saying each of us should please our neighbors (thought about people pleasing) but it furthers by saying for their good, to build them up. Where’s the line between people pleasing and pleasing people for their good?

From discipler: If you are strong, you will bear with the weak. Don't look down on them, but offer help.. maybe sharing faith together or praying together.

1 Thessalonians 2:6-8 NIV

“We were not looking for praise from people, not from you or anyone else, even though as apostles of Christ we could have asserted our authority. Instead, we were like young children among you. Just as a nursing mother cares for her children, so we cared for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well.”

Don’t do things for credit or praise from other people, what is the point of puffing yourself up when it’s not really your doing but God working through you? Mimic the heart of a mother or a nurse. Caring for those because you want to, because your desire is to love. They are selfless, they know they will not get accolades for what they do because it is already expected of them. As disciples, we are already expected to love everyone: John 13:34-35 -> ““A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.””

From discipler: Be like a mother with her children- being delighted to share your life with them, not like it's a chore. And don't look for praise. It's a thankless job. Similar to being a nurse sometimes we are the ones cleaning up the mess..while the doctor gets all the credit and that's OK. God sees it and He is pleased when we do things for others out of gratitude, not looking for glory.

#bible #quiet time #bible quote #bible scripture #bible study #bible verse #christian blog #christian faith #christian living #christianity #devo #bible talk #leaders meeting #daily devotional #disciple of christ #devotional #discipleship #faith in jesus #jesus saves #jesus #jesus loves you #love #faith in god #faith #saras devotionals #3/6

[meatriarch]

i believe rae's mentioned it some time ago but its horrific knowing that the two tanks in the game - ana & leland - are both technically speaking the youngest of the group and, arguably, endure and take on as much of the aggro and hits as possible to keep the others safer.

like, ana especially feels an immense sense of guilt over bringing them all there to begin with, gathering them up in one place to be picked off in that ambush. if she hadnt gone to them, they would be safe and in their beds back home. and going thru the entirety of the basement brawl leading up to when they get out, its both the drive to try and find maria that keeps her going for sure but its also the drive of, i can NOT let her friends die because of me, either. being so young and in that situation, ana slaps on as brave a face as she can, endures what she can, bites back as much tears and pain as possible so she at least can be certain that theyre all safe and out of there -- at the very least that they all are.

personal canon for her is towards the end of the brawl, when everyones shy of getting out, ana takes heat from a couple of the family -- i wanna say likely hitch &/or sissy with both their faster movements & swings -- and draws them as far as she can manage, and in that altercation gets her face injuries, later scars ( below ).

i still have that prompt from kels abt lee sending her off ahead of himself for nosy/dusk and honestly i think by that point, with her face injuries, she's likely so overwhelmed and panicked and terrified and hardly thinking straight that when he told her to run? she just. did. i think just the weight of everything they've just gone thru, the weight of knowing they didnt find maria, that everyones hurt and on deaths door and its her fault, it all finally started to hit her in that brief moment and all she could hear and make out of him talking next to her was to run.

and then like kels' post its just like. it is funny to adopt in game silliness and plop it into writing scenarios because yeah, i feel her & lee would be antsy and trying to kinda puff themselves up a bit while somethings getting done ( tank zoomies c: ), because theyre both likely shoving past to get out first in case someones on the other side waiting so they can do tank shit. and if ana wasnt getting actively beat to shit and saw one of the others in a chase? yeah, shes gonna intervene in some way and take aggro for them to slip out of there safely.

which again ... my ana's birthday is jan 7th, so when this all goes down? she's BARELY a couple months into being eighteen. shes the actual baby of the group and yet she feels so responsible for everything that shes just... i have to go thru as much as possible to even make up for a fraction of what ive brought everyone to and if i die for them then i guess i die-

#[ ♡ ] ── * ana f. / 𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦. #me always @ both flores girls: ITS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT THIS HAPPENED-

[yuukei-yikes]

ive been thinking abt ayaki and shintaro post str lately. like i know realistically ayaki would dissapear since in theory the wish she was created from was fulfilled but i just think her staying creates an interesting idea on shintaro's problem with isolation and tendency to retreat into his own head. bc ayaki literally lives in his head. like ayaki and shintaro are the only two people in the whole world who will ever understand the things theyve seen at a truly deep level. so who else could shintaro go to when he gets flashbacks of previous routes. also the guilt he would probably feel for feeling more attached to the ayano in his head then the one actually there. a literal reflection of his actual feelings towards ayano i think. i kind of lost my train of thought uhm shrugs. i should probably write a google doc abt this

UGH UGH UGH.... THE BIT ABT SHINTARO FEELING MORE ATTACHED TO THE AYANO IN HIS HEAD INSTEAD OF THE ONE ACTUALLY HERE BEING THE SAME AS HOW HE LOVES THE AYANO HE MADE UP IN HIS MIND MORE THAN THE REAL ONE.... THATS SO FUCKING COOL AND REAL AND AWESOME..... YESSSSS shinyaki gets me so badly like. ough. they have been together for so long. i imagine yaki trying so hard to fight her humanity and even be cold to shintaro like!! ACT LIKE THE SNAKE EYE POWER SHE IS. and she does for the most part but Shintaro.... he is so difficult. he keeps being reborn and she keeps watching him grow up til activating her and remembering her again, and every single time shintaro's like Im so sorry for forgetting you again. and ayaki's like. AUGH. STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT. sorry they drive me a little crazy.

yeah i know ayaki would disappear but i dont like thatttt i think❤️❤️❤️ she should stay❤️❤️❤️ i think its a miserable existence and rly speaks abt ayano's character that she just stays there forever. i think there's something very cool abt an ayano tateyama who gets a happy ending in a mortal life at the cost of an suffering ayano who is alone for eternity, who sacrificed everything to be exactly where she is, watching another version of herself be happy. i dont think ayaki jumped into it knowing she'd find peace one day. i think once she is a snake she Is A Snake. Ur ass isnt dying. like she has a damn soul??

sorry the bit abt souls in kagepro drives me crazy. we dont know it with any other snakes other than awakening/konoha and haruka(and saeru but we dont talk abt it). the ending of mca is MESSY messy. personally i dont know if i Really understand it, I've always explained it to myself like konoha/awakening GETS ITS OWN wish bc despite being just a snake, it became its own person, and its wish is to have hiyori live which is how saeru "dies" bc it has to resign to be a surrogate life for hiyori right?? its never explained Why konoha gets a wish but that's it to me. awakening and retaining being opposites bc one is a snake that became a person and the other a person who became a snake.

anyways coming back to the soul thing, it's rly all in haruka and konoha's situation bc konoha becomes its own person, "gains a soul" lets say, and that very soul puts it in conditions of making a wish. haruka was the only one in the daze who wasn't PHYSICALLY there, and his wish never finished getting there bc awakening was like My body now. <- like this is so interesting there's a lot of potential to konoha being even more interesting, maybe being a snake that's always wanted its own body or something. i KNOW its bc haruka's personality wasn't strong for it but that's an ass explanation and it always has been😘

anywyas so haruka coming back by the end to me is explained thru his wish being Actually listened to and konoha retreating back to its original role though it is still a person. i think it becomes a case of reverse, from str onwards it is konoha watching through haruka instead of the other way around. this is kinda the logic behind why ive always loved the konoha reborn hc... with the whole soul thing. like konoha finally cutting ties with being a snake and not being awakening anymore, just konoha!!

god i got super sidetracked. basically ayaki is also a snake with a soul. yes she would disappear by all this logic, once shintaro's wish (and her own) is fulfilled. HOWEVER. i dont want to❤️ however if she DID. there is a HUGE prompt in here about shintaro dealing with the disappearance of ayaki. she has been with him for so long and he remembers it all bc just cuz retaining is away it doesnt mean he just unsees all the routes, yknow? just cant see them again but theyre still in his memory. so he remembers how he's been with her for so many lives and now she's just gone... and there's this other real ayano here. who isn't really another ayano she is the same person. he knows she is but she's still another. augh. augh augh augh. anyways no i dont like to think abt ayaki disappearing She needs to give the mekakushi dan a tour when they all jump in shintaro's brain to look at his memories western cartoon style

#ask tag #headcanons #kagexplain #? idk. #shintaro kisaragi #ayano tateyama #konoha

[mangoposts]

OKAY im finally alone so TW for anyone reading this, i will be mentioning rape & knives/scars.

i'll try to make this short but the summer before i went into 10th grade, i had hung out w this guy and i really did just wanna hang out and go for a drive, but he thought i wanted to hook up. i definitely did not because i was a virgin and never done anything with a guy at all. he was a senior and a lot bigger than me and forced me into having sex w him, i kept saying no and stop and take me home but he just kept getting angrier and eventually held a knife to my like pubic bone? pelvis? just down there idk. so i caved. i hated every second and cried but i stopped fighting. i haven't had sex since then, im 20 years old now and i haven't even been fingered by a guy, never given or received head, and never given a handjob. and im honestly really embarrassed about it and wanna have sex with someone SO BADLY but im scared.

the main reason i'm scared isn't because i'm scared i'll be forced into it again, although that is absolutely in the back of my mind. i'm completely fine now and over the situation, but it does worry me that i could get overwhelmed and the guy im with wouldn't wanna stop. but my bigger fear which im 100x more embarrassed of, is what a guy is gonna think when he sees my pussy. now hear me out bc i know that sounds weird😭 but all throughout high school i always heard guys make comments about how ugly this girls pussy is or how gross this girls is and it terrified me. but now i'm even more scared because of what that guy did to me, he literally cut into my skin and left scars. what is a guy gonna think when he sees that? how am i supposed to explain all this? i just i have a lot of questions and concerns but i'm a fucking 20 year old "virgin" if i can even call myself that, i've technically had sex but i didn't want it so idk if i even count that as a body. i just have been panicking over this for forever and have no idea what to do, if you have any advice at all i'd really appreciate it so so much

- 🌙

Oh baby :-(. Im so sorry this happened to you. You were really young and you didn’t deserve that whatsoever, if you can feel it im giving you a hug thru the phone. Im so so so sorry and i hope that man is dead in a ditch somewhere 🤍

On the other hand, i promise you you have nothing to worry about at all. Im telling you rn and i know it sounds so corny and lame and everybody always says this but its true, the right person is not going to judge you for anything and im so Fr when i say that. Trust when i was in high school guys would say all kinda stupid shit like that about girls in the school and it never bothered me because i knew there was at least one person out there who wouldn’t care about anything other people would talk shit about, and i was right 🤷🏻‍♀️ There’s so many people out there who would find u beautiful the way u are and just because some guys in the past thought in that immature goofy ass way doesn’t mean every guy will you know what i mean?

Babe, my only advice for you is to stay the way you are, hang out w ur frennies and the right person is gon come trust. It’ll come when you aren’t looking for it or worrying about it, when you least expect it to be honest. What you went through was horrible and it might be the worlds way of saying you gotta give yourself time before exploring that area of your life yanno. There’s NOTHINGGG wrong with being a virgin at any age let alone 20. You’re still young and you have ur whole life ahead of you. Don’t worry about this, when it happens it’s gonna be fine you’ll see it

Thank you so much for trusting me to be vulnerable with, im sorry if im treating you too delicately im just speaking thru the soul rn 😭 And again im sorry this happened to you. Even if i dont know u i love u a lot and im proud of you for moving past the situation despite how hard it might’ve been

Also im sorry for taking awhile to get back to you, i just scrolled through my inbox and finally found this

#🤍

[bokutokita]

t h e r e g u l a r : ten - me when the

♡ series masterlist

♡ headcanons

♡ barista talk

[ previous ] [ next ]

Between the stress from the group project situation, the fear of failing class and the constant stress from school, the last thing you needed was to clock in and serve college students overpriced coffee until 9pm. But maybe being around your fun coworkers would actually be a bit of a pick-me-up. You walked into the back waving hello to Atsumu as you passed. Once you got there you saw Fukunaga putting on his apron and approaching the computer to clock in.

“Hey bestie,” you say calmly with a strained smile.

“Sup’ dude?” he says with his back facing you. “Are there any updates to the group project situation?” You start tying your apron and slide the hat on to complete the ensemble “Dude… you have no idea.” 

Fukunaga turns around and gives you a mischievous grin “Oh my god, this is gonna be a great shift isn’t it?” You respond with a cackle and a lazy nod, then just before you can add anything Akaashi walks into the backroom.

“Hey guys, sorry for not greeting you earlier, I was catching up with Kita. Just checking what’s been done and what hasn’t,” he sighs and looks down at the clipboard in his hands, you recognize it as the schedule for the day. “So it’s just gonna be the three of us closing tonight, but Atsumu is here until 7:00PM. I’m gonna have him do some closing tasks once we all clock in.” He takes a pause. “Y/N, I’m gonna put you on bar, I’ll take drive-thru. Fukunaga you take the register, can I trust you to behave?”

“No,” he laughs and bites his lip in an ironic fuckboy-esque move. You can’t help but laugh, knowing that behind his silly jokes are genuinely good intentions to cheer you up, even though they may come out as incredibly immature.

Akaashi looks at him completely unamused. “Didn’t think so,” 

“Sorry boss, I’m in a silly goofy mood.” Fukunaga says in a very serious tone, and you can't help but laugh harder.

Akaashi now looks at him with a mix of confusion and disgusted disappointment, shakes his head and sighs. “Yeah, whatever, let’s just… Have a good close tonight guys. Sorry I’m so tired, classes have been hell. But I know I can trust you to not burn down the store at least.”

You and Fukunaga give each other a glance, then turn to look at Akaashi again. “Nevermind. I don’t even know why I said that,” he mutters, annoyed, as he turns around and walks to the floor, leaving you and Fukunaga giggling as you trail behind him.

---

It’s been 3 hours since you clocked in, a pretty relaxing shift so far thankfully. Not too many people had come in, giving Akaashi a chance to work in the back as you and Fukunaga handled yourselves. Currently you’re cleaning around to kill time, well. You *were* pretending to clean while you showed Fukunaga the insane email you had received that morning. 

“This dude got fucking bodied. Owned. L plus-” 

“-plus ratio I know! That professor had no chill, I kinda feel bad for the guy” you interjected. “But he hasn’t reached out to me yet, it’s been… what, six or seven hours since I received that email and the guy has been MIA.” “Bro I would rather be put into an Amazon box and shipped to Antartica than ever show my face on campus again after that email!” Fukunaga responded with a laugh. “I know he’s an asshole, he’s been an asshole, but if I’m being 100% honest I think he doesn’t deserve this. I don’t think anyone deserves this actually” he finished with a scoff.

You look down at your hands.“... He was a real asshole” You turn around to start cleaning, for real this time,  “Yes, I do feel kind of bad for him, but… He didn’t even give me a chance to explain myself and my situation with this class, and before you even say anything- I know I sound like a broken record, I know I’m not the best student in terms of lecture-based classes… But I really would’ve tried for this project, I just wish I could tell him that, I guess”

Fukunaga got quiet for a second and whispered “Shit dude, you might get to do that sooner than you think.” He tapped you on the shoulder and pointed at the register, and the sight made your stomach turn.

“Y/N, could I please speak to you.”

♡ a/n: two posts?! in one night?! both with written parts?! ig you could say i love spoiling my readers mwah mwah mwah

♡ a/n: this is very exciting!!! i promise I will make the next few chapters more screenshot heavy :3

♡ a/n: ALSO AAAHHHH CLIFFHANGER!!!! i believe next chapter is gonna have a big (if not fully be a) written part so strap on your seatbelts bc these two are finally gonna talk, YAY

♡tag list♡ IF YOU ARE ON BOLD I CAN'T TAG YOU:

@missalienqueen @silverkoushi @ysatrap @sana-li @lightyagamami @cvlliesstuff @acatstalkingyou @winunk @mirikusashes @vincentvangoose @kookie-doughs @polaris-song @thechaosoflonging @goopycookie @celestair @gabixiio @levylovegood @mariyeahh-reblogs @aspenss @a-little-pebbl @yutaeminnie @eitelle @trashy-simp @3pk1s @minawants @bimboing

#haikyuu crack #haikyuu #haikyuu!! #haikyuu smau #haikyuu smau series #haikyuu social media au #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima smau #tsukishima kei #haikyu x reader #akaashi #kuroo #fukunaga shōhei #haikyuu college au #haikyuu coffee shop au

[orbees]

2022 overview 

this year... where do i even Start with this year. it went by fast but also felt like an eternity. in terms of just Bullshit the universe threw my way, it was by far one of the roughest. struggled with literally Every aspect of life this year. but also the fact this Isnt the worst year of my life... i think ive come a long way w/ coping and i am proud of myself for hanging in there despite Everything 

and for all the shitty, awful things that happened, there was a lot of good stuff too. i finished my practicum, which sucked ass, but i also finished the first half of my internship which was HARD but went much better. its kinda Hard to put into words but i rly struggle a lot w/ feeling incapable of well... Anything, and this goes Beyond disability tho it certainly plays a role. its more like i just feel myself Inherently Inadequate, due to Personal Flaws. but time and time again, i prove myself wrong, and are able to do much more than i thought i could.

and at the same time i dont wanna make it seem like Grinding myself into a paste was a good thing. i shouldnt have to Be so resilient, but i can admire the strength i have in doing so. its like i often contend a lot w/ feeling like this World doesnt want someone like me. it often feels like i am trying to jam a square piece into a triangle shaped hole. its like the hole shouldnt be so hard to get thru to begin with, but i am proud of myself for Trying despite

a lot of growing pains this year, a lot of putting myself into new and uncomfortable situations. getting my first job basically thru my internship, leaving the house regularly, interacting with people Daily... i am The autistic hermit so adjusting to this was. Difficult in ways that word cant even begin to describe but i did it regardless.

i even have began taking steps to live More authentically. the Autism is a big force in my day to day, and i burn myself out trying to Mask so ive rly just wanted to start letting myself Be. i still have a hard time with this but ive taken some pretty big steps. i told my supervisor that i am autistic which i NEVER thought i’d be able to do, and i am still very very proud of myself for doing that. i want to be able to create a space where i dont feel the Need to hide so much of everything that i am and i feel like i was able to lay out a lot of the framework for making that possible. i am proud of myself for working so hard to create a better life for myself Despite everything trying to pull me down

in general ive just done A lot of work on myself this year. contended with a lot of personal truths. i gained a better sense of who i am, what i am, what i can do, and what i WANT to do. ive faced off against a lot of my demons this year, and still have plenty more fighting left to do, but i feel proud of the person i am becoming. i feel more complete & whole, and have a better understanding of what i am worth. i am excited about my growth going into 2023! its gonna be a wild year for me i just know it LOL

my resolutions:

1. read more

2. create more just in general

3. take my big scary exams 

4. graduate

5. learn how to drive >:(

6. in learning how to Juggle the everything i noticed i started isolating myself a bit and this is something i wanna Change

7. be kinder to myself

i also cant rly Find a way to work this into all i wrote above in a Pretty Way but i rly wanted to take a moment too to talk about my friends. i struggle a lot w/ feeling Alone, have my entire life, but i feel as if it is Getting better. like i have a better sense of who my people are, and where i belong <3 its hard to find the words that convey my sincerity without sounding trite but: ive received sm love and support this year, as i do every year ofc but with this year being So Hard for me, its really meant a lot. i am very thankful for my friends and love them a lot. thank u all sm for everything. here’s to a good 2023 i am manifesting this for all of us 😤😤😤

#virtual memories

[b3comingme]

🙃 so my car fell victim to the Kia bs today 😭 came out from the gym to this

Thankfully they were too stupid to actually steal it, but i had to spend my whole day trying to figure this shit out… insurance claim filed, finally got it towed back to my house, police report filed online (they wouldn’t come out for what’s considered vandalism which like… I feel like attempted theft is kinda more serious but ok), the insurance company will be towing it to a shop but said it could be “1-2 business days” so we’ll see when it actually is… looks like I’m at minimum gonna be out my $500 deductible which I’m pretty upset about, and potentially a month or two waiting on parts possibly because of how common this is it’s in high demand 😭 really hoping it doesn’t take that long. Gonna have to figure out driving spouses car or get rides from them in the meantime, thankfully I don’t have a ton I need it for but feeling stuck without a car fucking sucks. Absolutely worst case scenario they said it could end up totaled but I assume that’s just because they haven’t seen it and have to say that bc from everything I’ve seen of similar situations it’s just like 2k to replace the steering section. No windows busted or anything, I could’ve sworn I locked the door but idk if the locking failed or if they were able to get in some other way? Cause the only damage was the steering as they clearly were trying to figure out getting it hotwired, they even left the concrete chunk they busted it up with 🙃 went thru all my shit too which feels pretty fucking violating but thankfully I don’t keep anything of value in my car. I’m exhausted and beyond stressed about all of this. This sucks.

#update #personal