#please girl i am experiencing the symptoms

[homestuck--edits]

would love to see you make a talksprite of my fantroll troner! any emotion works, perferably something lighthearted - love your sprites!! have a good one!

here ya go :>

-mod davesprite

#mod davesprite #oc edit #talksprite edits #hm . mood #(negative) #psppsps my doctors appointment you want to come soo much sooner they werent lying this birth control CAN mood swings #my heart has been beating Wrong for a bit? not like. in a dangerous feelin way. but like. aha watcha doin lil man #please girl i am experiencing the symptoms

[andivmg]

speak up andi, I beg of you, you have been mistreated the most here, I know it took shubble a lot of courage but she has helped so many people

i want to start this off by saying it is not a competition and i do not want to compare my experience to anybody else’s. shubble is so fucking strong and i admire her and everyone else who has spoken up about experiencing abuse endlessly.

DISCLAIMER 1

this is way longer than i intended it to be. i did not plan to go into as much depth as i did but the words just kinda kept coming and i kept thinking that if someone else is in a similar situation to the one i was in, it would be good to point out even some of the smaller details so that they can see that these behaviors are not something to be overlooked and could be a symptom of a bigger issue… idk. i apologize for how lengthy and wordy this is but i hope it all makes sense somehow

DISCLAIMER 2

a lot of you know who one of my exes is and i am asking you to please not make this about him. i am simply sharing my experience with some of my past relationships in hopes that they help someone else. i beg of you, do not go on twitter making threads speculating on whatever because it’s just going to cause me a bunch of problems and i don’t want this to be brought to his attention. if you share my story, please do not do it with the intent of starting drama. if you share my story, focus on the behaviors i am talking about instead of trying to figure out if it’s about him.

DISCLAIMER 3

this goes without saying but i’ll put it here anyway: i will be talking about toxic relationships, mention of self harm, mention of sex, implied violence. if any of these topics are triggering to you please scroll away, protect yourself.

I have been in a lot of relationships, but there are 4 that i would truly identify as the ones who had the biggest impact on me. Two of those i would consider emotional mistreatment. I don’t want to say i was abused for reasons that i will be discussing with my therapist this week, but i can certainly say i was mistreated. For the sake of privacy, i will be referring to these two dudes as 1 and 6.

I think the biggest difference between 1 and 6 is that 6 was obsessed with me to the point where i felt like i was being suffocated, whereas i’m not sure if 1 ever cared about me in the first place.

6 and i started out pretty normally. we had a bunch of friends in common and we were around the same people. so eventually, we became friends too. we would text and call all the time until feelings developed into a relationship. in the beginning he was really sweet and caring, saying all the right things that got me falling head over heels. now, something important to note is that i am someone who has always had a lot of guy friends. when i was little and in school, my mom made friends with a bunch of other moms and those moms were boy moms, so i grew up surrounded by boys. i bring this up because 6 didn’t like my guy friends. actually, i think he just didn’t like the fact that i had guy friends at all. so, whenever i would hang out with my friends, it was a problem. so this resulted in me never being able to go out or hang out with my friends unless he was there. then it got worse. before we started dating he had decided to cut back on drinking and to stop smoking. so because of this, i decided that i wouldn’t drink or smoke around him in solidarity. this was not enough for him. i had to stop drinking and smoking altogether. so once, when i was hanging out with my girl friends we decided to stay in and get wine drunk. we posted about it on our private stories on snap and once he saw, 6 called me arguing and yelling at me because i was drinking and posting about it on my story for “attention”. after this incident, i was no longer allowed to hang out with my friends because they were a “bad influence”. he also didn’t like the clothes i wore. sorry, let me reiterate: he didn’t like my clothes when he wasn’t around. it was perfectly fine for me to wear a short dress… if i was with him. i was not allowed to wear “revealing” clothing if he wasn’t around. mind you, none of the clothes i wore were revealing, it’s not my fault i’m hot yk? he took over my life. who i talked to, what i did, what i wore, where i would go, it was all up to him. my life no longer belonged to me. and at the time, i was okay with that. i didn’t realize that he had so much control over everything. i was young and naïve and he convinced me that he knew what was best for me. that he had lived more than i had and experienced more than i had and that he knew better. he was so good at making everything my fault and making him the hero or victim depending on the situation. i got catcalled on the street? “because you were wearing that fucking dress again, andrea you know how that looks. of course you got catcalled. this is why you can’t wear things like that when i’m not around to protect you”. I decided to have a fun night in with my friends and get drunk? “i just don’t understand why you would be posting yourself on your private story like that. you’re drunk and vulnerable. why do you want other people, other guys, to see you like that? and you know i’ve cut back on drinking so how do you think it makes me feel to see that? don’t you love me enough to do this for me?” the worst part is i believed him. because, in the beginning, he helped me so much and i looked up to him so much, surely he had my best interests at heart, right? this relationship went on for way longer than it should have. you may be asking yourself, how did you leave? if you were so in love with him and entranced by him to the point where he consumed you, why did you leave? he raised his hand. that’s what got me to finally leave. a year after we broke up, i found out that he was drinking, smoking, and doing all kinds of shit he told me he wasn’t throughout our entire relationship. he was awful, and i’m really proud of myself for being strong enough to leave when i did. i’m also really grateful for my friends, who stuck out that whole train wreck with me. who i lashed out against in order to protect him and defend him. they stuck by me through it all and i don’t know where i would be without them so shoutout to them lmfao.

1 was a bit more complicated. it started out in a similar way. we had the same friends, hung out around the same people, so it was only a matter of time until we became friends too. we would call and text every day until feelings were developed. at least i developed feelings, i’m still not sure he did. i told him this and i don’t remember how the conversation went but basically we had decided that we were talking as more than friends now. enough time went by where i was ready for it to become a relationship and i communicated that to him. looking back, i think he felt pressured into the relationship by me and by our friends. anyway we started dating and everything was fine. we would hang out and talk all the time but i felt like he was bored or disinterested by me, so i would constantly beg for his attention. i became this needy clingy version of myself that i hated. it felt like when we would hang out, he was always distracted by something else. i basically felt invisible to him. that is, when i wasn’t hanging out with my guy friends. similarly to 6, 1 did not like my guy friends or the fact that i had guy friends in the first place. i had a guy best friend at the time who is one of the most amazing people i have ever met. let’s call him S. S and 1 were acquainted with each other, hung out in the same circles etc. but 1 still didn’t like him. sometimes, whenever 1 was busy doing whatever he did when he wasn’t with me, i would hang out with S, we would watch shows together and just talk. Some days, it felt like i talked to S more than my own boyfriend. this did not sit well with 1. he would ask “why the fuck are you always hanging out with him?” to which i would reply “maybe if you hung out with me more, i wouldn’t have so much free time to spend with him” (toxic ik but what can i say? i was feeling neglected). so you can see what problems this caused. eventually i cut S off. I stopped talking to him completely and i haven’t spoken to him since. Back to 1. even after cutting off my best friend, nothing really changed. He didn’t spend much time with me and whenever we would, i felt like he couldn’t wait to go off and do something else. this got exhausting. at that point i was begging him to love me, to pay attention to me, to care about me. this led to us breaking up. he broke up with me over text. it read, and i quote, “i think we aren’t meant for each other. i think you deserve someone that will treat you better than i do. I don’t think i’m in love with you and i tried to force myself to love you because i thought that’s what i wanted but i really don’t think it is. we started this relationship when i was just tired of being alone and i really just don’t think it is right anymore. i don’t think i am attracted to you. I am sorry, i really didn’t know how to end this and this probably isn’t the best way to do it but it’s time”. The relationship went on for another six months after this. granted, i should have had more self respect and never gotten back together with him but it is what it is. so after he told me that he didn’t love me and that he wasn’t attracted to me, we stayed “friends”. which basically meant that we did everything that a relationship involved. without actually being in a relationship. that is, until one of his friends hit me up. there was some flirtation going on but nothing serious. i was still in love with 1 but, at the time, i was in desperate need for attention and his buddy was there to provide it. when i told 1 about it he flipped out, called me all kinds of crazy and decided he was done with me. his friend and i talked about it and poked fun at the fact that he broke up with me but got mad at someone else paying attention to me. when 1 saw this (he ended up forcing me to show him the screenshots of the conversation) he was even more pissed and even more done with me. the next day he called me and we were basically back together again.

however, this time, i was meant to earn his affection. because i did something so unforgivable and atrocious, he was basically in the clear to treat me like shit. and he did. he would cancel plans to go hang out with his friends. he would only come over late at night, even when i had class the next day. i was basically at his mercy. we only hung out when he decided. we only spoke when he wanted to. i honestly can’t even recall us going on any date after that incident, save for one dinner. in short, i was not a priority to him. this, combined with some other stuff, really took at toll on my mental health. i entered a deep depression and began self-harming after being clean for 3 years. i sought out help and found a wonderful therapist who really helped me. but, 1 only saw this as one more problem. when we hung out he would complain that i was too sad. important note: because of that text he sent me i was incredibly insecure. so, little arguments would always end up escalating because i felt like he literally did not care about me and he would just keep making me feel like shit about being depressed. whenever we argued (which was very often) it would end in me locking myself in the bathroom, sobbing, nearly throwing up, while he was on his phone. i remember one specific argument started because he asked me if i would leave him for harry styles and i jokingly said yes (i am not and have never been attracted to harry styles). that argument escalated to the point where we almost broke up and he said to me “you should warn people before they fall in love with you that you are so mentally ill. because you’re always going to bring down the mental state of who you’re with”. he used my mental health against me like that a lot. whenever i would bring up something i wanted him to do or something that i didn’t like, he would call me needy, clingy, and say that he was trying his best but that i needed too much, that i was too much. all i wanted was reassurance. looking back, that’s all i ever asked for. whenever i would ask him if he loved me he would say “well i’m with you aren’t i?”. this is the same man who decided to go to vegas with his friends on my birthday after he promised he wouldn’t. this is the same man who said that he didn’t love me. the same one who said he wasn’t attracted to me. the same man who i would catch looking at other girl’s (some being his “friends”) provocative pictures on twitter. (this is definitely tmi so i’m just going to put a bunch of asterisks at the end of the tmi so you can skip there if you don’t want to read it) but there was a long period of time in our relationship where we had zero intimacy, and it wasn’t because of me. this fucked with my head a lot because i had this idea that because i was so emotional and needy that i could compensate physically. but when that stopped, my thoughts looked something like “the only thing i was useful for was sex and now he doesn’t even want that from me”.************whenever i remember this, a part of me thinks he might’ve been cheating on me during that time, but i have no proof so i guess we’ll never know. also during that time period, we were arguing over the same things over and over “it feels like you don’t love me” “but i’m hanging out with you” “that’s not the same as loving me” “you’re so fucking needy. and then you wonder why i don’t like coming over”. it was exhausting. we had the same friend group. and even our friends got so sick of us that they would tell me to break up with him. this went on for months until one day, on our one year anniversary, he told me that his plans for the day included playing video games. nothing else. that’s when i broke up with him. that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. i just couldn’t do it anymore.

we stayed friends afterwards in order to keep the peace within the friend group. after about a month, he told me he was going to do better. he said he was going to start going to the gym, and maybe even going to therapy, that he was going to eat better and live a better lifestyle for me. he said he was going to plan dates for us and treat me the way i deserved etc. very much vibes from that one euphoria scene. but i was done. maybe i didn’t communicate that well enough to him and that’s my fault. but i was really confused at the time and i didn’t know what i wanted. eventually we had a conversation and that’s when i told him that i was no longer interested in a relationship. i think i just didn’t believe him anymore. i didn’t believe that he would change for me or anyone else for that matter. through the entire relationship he was mean to me, he neglected me, belittled me, and overall made me feel like shit at worst and invisible at best. even when i would offer to plan things or suggest activities for us to do together, he would be disinterested the entire time or just cancel and make plans with his friends instead. and of course it was all my fault for one, flirting with his friend that one time, and two, just not being interesting enough. he made it feel like i wasn’t good enough, and at the same time victimized himself. he would tell me “nothing i do is ever good enough for you” while i was the one putting in all the effort in the relationship. then he would go “well why would i put in effort with you? remember when you were flirting with [redacted]? I still think about that and it fucks me up”. mind you, he would only bring this up whenever i brought up any concerns or issues. anyway, as you can tell it took me a really long time to realize that this relationship was toxic and unhealthy and i’m really proud of myself, again, for having the strength to leave and never look back. i think one of the reasons why it took me so long to realize that i was being mistreated was because everyone around him loved him. and to me it was hard to see how someone that was so well liked could be bad. so i felt like i was the problem. i felt like there was something wrong with me and if i just fixed that, then he would treat me better and love me and care about me. it took a lot of therapy to realize that he just wasn’t that into me. i was like a toy to him that he could just pay attention to when he was bored but ignore me the rest of the time. but then, when someone else showed interest in me he would suddenly care and be like “no she’s mine, you can’t have her”. he didn’t want me but he didn’t want anyone else to have me and that was the bottom line. that was the base off all the problems and toxicity that happened while we were together.

in conclusion, both of these men were awful in their own unique ways. i hope that by sharing this, someone who is in a similar situation will see it and identify these behaviors as something to watch out for. i hope that someone will see it and realize that they are not alone, and that they are not the first person to go through it, and that it gets better. these events all happened over two years ago and now i am in a beautiful and healthy relationship, i’m studying something that i am passionate about, and i am surrounded by people who love, care about, and support me. i am in a much happier place now and you will find that too, whoever you might be <3

#andianswers #i might’ve given myself a migraine with this one

[befemininenow]

A quick, basic guide towards Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) and its changes for transgender women and other identities

Note: This guide is primarily for transgender women/girls who are looking for gender affirming therapy and resources. However, if any transgender men, non-binary, and other gender identities are reading this, please share this post as you may end up helping someone who is considering transitioning into a woman (or girl). Note that this guide may be uncomfortable to some as I will discuss about topics like gender dysphoria or use a few words that may feel triggering, but never in a transphobic manner. I am trans myself and considering gender affirming therapy. However, my knowledge about this topic is still limited, so please bare with any mistakes that I may end up writing throughout this guide. You are more than welcome to write additional information provided it helps with this guide. Links to sources will be provided at the end of the guide. Use them for more detailed and more accurate information.

Do not use this HRT guide or resources to fulfill some “sissy task” or fetish, nor to harm or discredit trans people.

So, you have tried on the clothing, practiced voice training, applied makeup, etc. You have tried everything you can to “feminize” yourself. But no matter how you look on the outside and feel on the inside, you still see someone different looking at you in the mirror and feel distress to the point where you lose sleep. As much as you hate admitting it, you probably have gender dysphoria. If you’re at this stage, it’s time you start finding gender affirming therapy. The problem is, where do you start?

Diagnosing Gender Dysphoria and recognizing its signs

As I have stated in one of the guides I reblogged in the past, it is not necessary to have gender dysphoria to be transgender. However, many transgender people deal with this distress and it can detrimental to their overall health. For instance, if you’re dressed as a girl and feel like a girl, but you see someone in “drag” looking back or focus on signs of “masculinity”, you will definitely feel uncomfortable and have feelings of “impostor syndrome”.

Some signs of gender dysphoria include, but not limited to, hiding any facial and body hair, dislike towards your “assigned parts”, dysphoric when presenting as a male (or other assigned gender different from preferred identity), etc. If you have more than two of these signs and recognize them, you most likely have gender dysphoria and should start looking for help ASAP. Untreated gender dysphoria can escalate towards more detrimental consequences, such as neglect, isolation, depression, anxiety, and even $ui(ide. If you’re suffering from the latter symptom and are not under any form of care, please stop reading this article and call your nearest lifeline center now!

That being said, if you’re experiencing some signs of gender dysphoria even after socially transitioning and desire to feminize your body, the best solution will be taking hormone replacement therapy.

What is Hormone Replacement Therapy (aka HRT)?

Hormone Replacement Therapy, short for HRT (this, is a type of medical solution given to patients who lack sufficient estrogen or testosterone levels due to a hormonal imbalance caused by menopause or due to surgeries such as a hysterectomy. [1] HRT is also provided to transgender individuals as a way to help their physical body adapt to their gender identity. Known as feminizing hormone therapy, the transitioning person will develop secondary sex characteristics typical of cisgender females with the help of various types of medication. [8] Gender specialists typically (but not always) use gender dysphoria as a main reason to provide the patient with gender affirming therapy.

Why do transgender people take HRT?

The point of HRT is that it helps transgender people develop physical traits that are more in line with their gender identity when the right hormones take place in the body. In the case of transgender females, taking HRT will feminize their physical characteristics into that of of their cisgender female relatives. Not only does transitioning decrease the trigger of gender dysphoria, but it also boosts the mental health of trans people as they become more comfortable with their body aligning into their gender identity. In fact, a study done by a team of researchers based on Stanford University School of Medicine found that the earlier trans people commence their transition, the less likely they are to develop characteristics of their assigned birth gender since their puberty cycles become more active during adolescence. Those who commence transition into adulthood are more likely to fall into bad habits, mental issues, and social isolation. The researchers concluded after finishing of survey of over 20,000 participants that the best treatment towards gender dysphoria is to take HRT as some of the participants felt their livelihood vastly improve once they received hormone therapy. To summarize, HRT is the only effective solution for trans people to finally feel comfortable with their bodies once they develop their gender identity’s characteristics.

The different types of HRT medication

Once you’re deemed eligible to receive gender-affirming therapy, you will definitely want to celebrate your new milestone. Now it’s time to identify the different forms of medication you may be provided for your transition.

Pills: This one is the most common type that is prescribed for transgender people due to its affordable cost and ease to make. However, taking oral medication requires you to take daily as the feminizing effects are slower and less evenly-distributed.

Injections: This one is the most effective form since the hormone medication goes directly to the bloodstream and rarely comes with the side effects of hormone pills. However, it is more expensive to produce and purchase, as well as being the most difficult to ingest as it involves piercing your skin with a needle.

Patches: By far the most convenient and very effective method of hormone medication as it fluctuates less in hormone distribution and evens it out throughout the body. You are only required to change patches every 3 to 4 days. Unfortunately, HRT patches aren’t convenient if you have experienced irritation with patches in the past. Consult your physician if HRT patches are right for you.

Here are the types of feminizing hormones you will be provided by your physician and/or medical provider. Each one is crucial to your transition:

Estradiol: Used among cisgender women for causes such menopause and hysterectomy, it is also used among transgender women/girls to promote physical changes on their appearance. This results in their bodies to develop a feminine appearance in line with cisgender women. Depending on their hormone levels, trans women usually take 2mg of Estradiol to take effect of their feminization.

Anti-androgen: This medication is a testosterone blocker and is very helpful to one’s transition if their hormone levels indicate a high level of testosterone. Although it doesn’t completely deplete all of your testosterone, anti-androgens help neutralize your levels to an acceptable rate. Estradiol cannot be effective without balancing your hormone levels. Spironolactone is the most common form of anti-androgen.

Progesterone: This medication is used in later stages of transition. Once your therapist and/or physician see your estrogen levels reach a certain level, progesterone is added as an estrogen booster. This will promote other feminizing changes, such as increasing breast volume, tissue softening, and allegedly, mental changes. This medication, however, is controversial since modern endocrinologists have found the alleged effects of progesterone being almost ineffective. In part, this is due to advancement of medicine and better access to effective solutions. Despite this, several physicians still prescribe progesterone to transgender women/girls as an option.

DHT blockers: For those who produce more testosterone to the point where it converts into a stronger androgen called dihydrotestosterone (DHT), these medications are necessary. There are two types of DHT blockers used: Finasteride and Dutasteride. Both medications are vital for your transition as they block excess androgen, reduce scalp hair loss, and may thin out facial and body hair. Check with your insurance provider as this medication may not be covered by them.

Cause and effect of HRT

This is where many people want to know the effects of feminizing therapy among trans women and trans girls. Keep in mind that a transition is that: a timeline of several changes that occur within a period of time. Most trans women/girls take about a year to notice any change in their appearance, but it wouldn’t be until 2 to 3 years until they notice a drastic change on their timeline.

The following changes are what trans women and trans girls physically experience during transition:

Skin: Your skin would start to soften a bit within 3 to 6 months, but its maximum effect varies by individual. Your skin will glow and oil will reduce while color tone may even change to that of a cisgender girl.

Legs and feet: Muscles will start to atrophy while body fat will be more retained. Your legs will start to slender while your foot size may shrink due to the thinning of the cartilage. This process takes around 3 to 6 months to take effect.

Hair: Scalp hair will start becoming voluminous while body hair will start to thin out and fall off. Process takes 6 to 12 months. Facial hair may thin, but will still retain even after months on HRT. Electrolysis will be required if you desire to eliminate any remaining facial and body hair.

Arms and hands: Upper arms start atrophying about 3 to 6 months and hands and arms thin out to a more feminine shape. Nails become more brittle while arm hair may even fall off.

Breasts: Areolas and nipple area start expanding while bust starts to enlarge. Process usually takes at least a year to see any effect and maximum growth can take up to 5 years.

Genital area: Penile length and testicles shrink and atrophy within 6 months and infertility may occur even sooner.

Body fat: Estrogen will increase the amount of body fat you will store and will be noticeable in the thighs, back area, and waist.

Height: This factor may vary on the individual. Based on a few testimonies, trans women usually lose an inch or two (~5cm) from their pre-transitioning height. This is due to the thinning of the feet’s sole and possibly the arching of the back. This process takes up to even 2 years before it becomes noticeable.

Body odor: Your body odor starts to change after a few months under HRT. Your body odor starts smelling sweeter and more metallic, similar to a cisgender woman.

Here are areas where transition may not change your physical appearance and traits:

Voice: Despite popular belief, HRT does not alter the voice at all. While you may experience a slight change in pitch, hormones do not feminize the voice of trans women in the same manner hormones masculinize the voice of trans men. The best solution is to take voice feminizing therapy through exercises. Voice feminizing surgery is also a consideration, but has its own risks.

Bone structure: Unless HRT is taken at a younger age, preferably during puberty, there is no way to change your skeletal system without costly and risky surgeries. Hip surgeries exist to expand the narrow hip area while HRT may promote a shrinking height as pointed earlier. Unfortunately, there is no effective surgery to reduce broad shoulder length.

Remaining body hair: While HRT may reduce the amount of body hair, it does not eliminate facial hair and some body hair may remain after thinning. Electrolysis is required if you desire to permanently eliminate any type of body hair and is costly and time-consuming.

Other changes where HRT may provoke a change is also present in the way we think. Here are some of the mental changes we may experience under HRT:

Emotions: You become more sensitive to feelings and are more prone to cry under certain circumstances. For instance, you may take a small compliment either to heart or feel offended while a dramatic scene in a movie may feel very heartbreaking.

Sleep: It becomes much easier for you to fall asleep while waking up becomes more energetic. This is due to a boost of melatonin present in estrogen. Sleep depravation is surprisingly common among trans girls and trans women prior to transition.

Mood swings: There will be occasions where you may experience nausea and even feelings similar to hot flashes.

Smell: You become more sensible to smell and some odors become either very pleasant or very intolerant.

Sexuality: This one is more controversial. There have been cases where HRT affects one’s sexuality, not just by sexual orientation/attraction, but by function. For instance, you may find your interests shift into that of a heterosexual cisgender woman while your expressions become more receptive. You may not even find any changes at all under HRT. Many argue that it’s not HRT that affects your sexuality, but rather by accepting your inner, true feelings and detecting gender envy.

Social changes during transition (non-HRT related, but very important)

This process is a very challenging stage for transgender people of all identities and is one that prevents many from ever coming out. As someone who is still in this stage, I sympathize with many of you. As unfortunate as it sounds, here are some of the challenges you may end up facing as a trans woman or trans girl:

Acceptance: This is perhaps, the most difficult stage of one’s coming out. You’re not just coming out of the closet to your family members, but to friends, neighbors, co-workers, colleagues, etc. Do not be surprised if anybody from this list does not accept you. We’re currently living in a time where transphobia is being heavily promoted among social circles who attempt to persuade the neutral or uninformed into believing false stereotypes of trans people. The best you can do should you face an unaccepting member is to cut them off until they are ready to accept you.

Legal document changes: This varies depending on the country or region you live. Although name changes are usually allowed, gender or sex markers are much more difficult to change. You can live in a place like Washington State where changing your marker from M to F can be a breeze while states like Oklahoma bar you from changing your marker at all. [3] Some countries like the UK can take years to change your marker while some countries of Asia do not allow any sex marker change unless you submit documents verifying a sex change (i.e. SRS). [4]

Appearance and adaptation: Adapting yourself as a trans woman in today’s world can have variable results. While some areas such as San Francisco are accepting of anyone LGBTQ+, transphobia still exists in those areas. Whether it’s the bathroom or even outside your home, you always want to make sure you are safe from any transphobic attack. One effective way to prevent that is by “passing”, which is the process of presenting yourself as your internal gender as close as possible. Many trans women make the effort to feminize their appearance through clothing, movements, voice training, makeup, and even interests. Not only does it help trans women appear more feminine outside, but it also gives them a sense of gender euphoria, a feeling of happiness and peace where they see and feel like themselves. If you know anyone supportive of your transition, especially a woman, don’t be afraid to ask for any tips on how to present yourself, how to apply the right blush, and other things that may benefit with your social change.

Surgeries to consider

After a certain amount of time, there is a chance you want to improve the look of your body to a certain degree. As powerful as HRT can be, it won’t remove the thing down there nor would it blow your chest to a D-cup unless your female family members are bustier than that. Whether its to help your gender and/or body dysphoria, whatever options you choose should make you feel great. It’s recommended you have at least 24 months under HRT before commencing these surgeries. Here are the options for feminizing surgery:

Breast augmentation: Let’s face it: we’re never going to get a nice pair of boobs unless our genes defy it or if our mom or female cousins also have big breasts. Many cisgender women also have that trigger of not having a desirable size on their chest. Breast augmentation is an option for those who want to increase their size without resorting to placebos or who are tired of wearing breast forms all the time.

Hip and butt enlargement: Most trans women have an inverted triangle body shape. Because of that, their hip area is not as wide as they desire to be. In some cases, you may not even have a large bum and want to grow bigger. Hip enlargement is available for those who desire a curvier look and the results are very pleasant. However, you can only stretch the hip area to a limit. As for the bum, there are surgeries that help enlarge and feminize the appearance. The most popular is the Brazilian Butt Lift (BBL). If you’re going that route, I highly recommend looking for a professional surgeon as many BBLs tend to look botched after a certain period.

Lip Filler: This surgery is made to enhance your lips to a more feminine appearance. Although HRT may alter your lip shape, it won’t make you look like Kylie Jenner either. This is done through a form of injections and will help your appearance look more feminine. This is recommended for those who only want to feminize their lips and are not interested in the following procedure.

Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS): This is one of the most common surgeries done when undergoing transition. It not only involves lip enhancement, but also involves reshaping the jawline, removing most of the brow ridge, slight enlargement of the eye area, reducing Adam’s apple, and nose reduction. This surgery can be very painful and requires extensive care for about two weeks before showing signs of healing. The benefits will outweigh the cons, however, if your aim is to feminize your appearance.

Sexual Reassignment Surgery (SRS) or Gender Reassignment Surgery (GRS): This is by far, the most notable surgery when it comes to feminizing transition. SRS/GRS is a process that involves reconstructing the trans woman’s penile area into a functioning neovagina. SRS/GRS is a life-changing surgery for trans women and in many cases can alleviate genital dysphoria. It can also improve sex life and makes it easier for trans girls to fit into garments and clothes without the need of gaffs and tucks. However, it is not without its drawbacks. Not only is SRS/GRS a difficult surgery to perform, but it’s also a very costly surgery to pay for and recover from. The amount of time it takes for a trans woman’s new organ to fully heal can take up to a year and involves constant dilation therapies that are painful and time-consuming. If not done right, it can even be life threatening. Although many trans women are comfortable living with a male organ, some states and countries do not allow you to change your gender/sex marker without performing this surgery.

Electrolysis (aka. Hair removal): Unlike the previous surgeries, electrolysis does not require you to be under HRT. This is a type of surgery that you can get even before starting transition. Electrolysis is highly recommended if you are planning to eliminate any excessive or thick body hair or if you’re planning to remove facial hair.

Where to find HRT

There are many ways someone can find HRT to commence their transition. However, many resources are currently being threatened by politicians, zealots, and transphobes around the world. It is very important you find the proper help as some spots that promise “HRT” are either placebos or medication that may even harm you! For those living in the US, here are some of the resources I found for those looking for HRT:

Planned Parenthood: This is the most accessible spot to receive gender affirming therapy and may even be free if your healthcare provider is compatible. Almost anyone is eligible and very safe compared to other resources. There are a few cons, however. Not every state has these centers and some are either too far away or may not even provide HRT at all. Sometimes, those that do provide HRT may not have enough medication to provide and are placed on a waiting list. The best solution I can give is to either contact your closest Planned Parenthood for available HRT medication or look up at this link below to see where you can receive the nearest help: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/get-care/our-services/transgender-hormone-therapy.

Online providers: For those that live outside of public health centers, online providers for HRT is another solution. The most popular sources are Plume and Folx. Each plan provides you a checkup of lab tests, gender evaluation, and access to clinical care. Some have their advantages and cons that make them different. While Plume offers letters of references to doctors and physicians, Folx offers quarterly lab checkups that are crucial to your feminizing transition. The big drawback is that both are not covered by healthcare providers and require you to pay a monthly free of 100 US dollars. They are also not available at every state.

DIY: Although I don’t recommend DIY HRT, this is a route many trans girls and trans women often take due to a lack of resources around their area, as well as the attack on HRT therapy on states such as Florida. It is very important you connect with a close circle knowledgeable in obtaining safe HRT alternatives. There are many blogs here on Tumblr that sell you hormones, but they are questionable due to their varying levels of estrogen that may either be incompatible with your body or may even affect you. If someone approaches you with a message selling you HRT, whether it’s here or on any social site, avoid them at all costs, especially those whose blog’s main target are “sissies, traps, femboys, transvestites, etc.” You may end up buying ashwagandha in high doses, which is not only a testosterone booster, but can even cause irreversible harm if taken for too long.

Resources and support

As much as I would love to be a help, not everyone has the same outcome when it comes to transition. Some of us have circumstances that prevent us from transitioning, such as lack of medical resources, unsupportive peers such as family, persecution and/or lack of protection, economic problems, health issues, questioning, etc. This is where a few solutions can be provided to you.

In the US (and Canada to some extent), Trans Lifeline is a beneficial resource for those who are in need of support, especially in these harsh times. Trans Lifeline is a non-profit run by trans people and aims as a safer alternative to other resources who are more likely to invalidate or even oust gender identities to authorities. If you would like to know more about Trans Lifeline, click on this link here. If you or someone else you know is trans are in deep need, call/save this number: US Hotline [phone]. Canada Hotline (877)  330-6366⁣.

For those outside the US, if you live in a situation where your life may be in danger for being trans or any identity under the trans umbrella, check out Rainbow Railroad as they are a non-profit whose main objective is to provide safe sheltering for anyone who identifies as LGBTQ+. Although they are based in the US and Canada, they have presence in various parts of the world and can help you relocate to a safer spot, as well as provide resources to put you on track. Click on this link if you would like to learn about Rainbow Railroad or share it to someone in need

Conclusion

I hope this guide gave you an idea of what MTF hormone therapy is and what to expect of its effects. HRT is a very helpful method for transitioning people when done effectively through medical help and emotional support. Even if you’re not looking to transition under HRT or may not even be trans yourself, it’s very important we have at least a clear knowledge of what trans people are going through and what we can do to help without subjecting them to prejudice. Please give a like and/or reblog as you may never know if one basic guide like this can be a great help for someone in need. If you’re looking to research more about transgender hormone therapy and resources, I left a few links on the sources below as they are much more insightful than what I provided. If you have any questions, find blogs and sites specialized in transgender help such as Trans Lifeline or even blogs such as Reddit’s r/asktransgender. Thank you!

Sources:

https://www.nhsinform.scot/tests-and-treatments/medicines-and-medical-aids/types-of-medicine/hormone-replacement-therapy-hrt

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-great-northwest-hawaii-alaska-indiana-kentuck/patients/health-care-services/hrt-hormone-therapy-for-trans-and-non-binary-patients?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI5eSPucLUgAMV_izUAR1uYAEyEAAYAiAAEgIuoPD_BwE

https://www.lgbtmap.org/equality-maps

https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2022/01/mental-health-hormone-treatment-transgender-people.html

https://ourworldindata.org/grapher/right-to-change-legal-gender-equaldex

https://www.hrc.org/resources/attacks-on-gender-affirming-care-by-state-map

https://transcare.ucsf.edu/article/information-estrogen-hormone-therapy

https://www.folxhealth.com/gender-affirming-care

https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/feminizing-hormone-therapy/about/pac-20385096

https://www.rainbowrailroad.org/

https://translifeline.org/

https://transcare.ucsf.edu/transition-roadmap

#transgender #feminine #trans hrt #guide #helpful #mtf hrt #trans #trans girl #gender affirming #be informed #trans rights #lgbtq #lgbtq pride #here to stay #trans pride #ally

[veeluvss]

How the team would react to you being personally connected to a case:

Female edition

I want this to be a sweet, oneshot kind of vibe with each character

Reader is personally connected to a case, each different for each character

Please ask for requests :)

JJ -

you’re back at your home town, dealing with a case close to childhood friends.

You couldn’t look in the eye of any of the team. Your childhood best friend had grown up be an unsub: murdering young girls. At first, you ran up to them, hugged them. They even kissed you but the growing suspicion in your gut made you suspect the one person who got you through childhood. The one person you thanked your lucky stars for everyday.

JJ walked over to you, a coffee for you in her hand and sat opposite you. She slid you the coffee and took a sip of her own.

“It’s not your fault,” she whispered gently. You scoffed. “It’s not. You had no idea. These things happen to people unfortunately. Please don’t blame yourself, love.”

You sighed, “maybe if I spoke to him more - paid for his therapy it would be different.”

“Maybe so, but maybe not. Don’t blame yourself for living your own life y/n. He’s responsible for his own actions,” she muttered. Your eyes filled with tears and you let your shoulders slump. JJ set down her coffee and moved to the sofa seat beside you. The simple, gentle rub on your back made the dam break. She pulled you into her arms, holding your head close to her chest. You needed this hug.

Emily-

The victim has experienced the same trauma as you, forcing you to confront your own demons during the cognitive interview.

“Hey, y/n, wait up.” Emily said quickly as you left the room. Your heart was pounding hard in your chest, your vision was blurry- you felt sick. You didn’t want to wait up. You felt as if you could hurl at any moment. Yet, it was Emily and you couldn’t not listen to her.

You turned to her, hot tears streaming down your cheeks and her face was full of concern. “What’s happened?” She asked, resting her hand on your shaking ones as you rubbed them furiously together. You were hyper aware of the multiple people around you and you felt vulnerable. Emily, being the best profiler, knew this and walked you into a side room. She shut the door softly and you fell into even more tears. She grabbed you, holding you close.

“My dad-“ you stuttered out, in her arms. “He did the same.”

“Oh, honey,” she held you tighter, stroking your hair. “Do you want to sit out of this one?” She asked and you didn’t want to, you didn’t want to leave because people would ask questions but all of your emotions were driving you wild. You only nodded in her arms and she planted a soft kiss on your temple.

“That’s okay, you head back to the hotel and I’ll tell the team you’re poorly. Do you want me to come with you?” You shook your head but sent her a small thank you whilst wiping your tears.

“I’ll come check on you later,” she whispered, caressing your arm and looking at you with big eyes.

PG-

You had distanced yourself from the team after a particularly tough case. No one knew why but Garcia, after investigating. She sends you a voicemail.

“Hey my sugar,

So don’t hate me but I was a little worried about you. I know, I know, you told us all not to be but I haven’t seen you around recently. I miss you and your little laugh. And your little legs too. *giggle*

I saw that you were related to the unsub. I’m sorry sweetheart, I really am. It’s not a good feeling to have and sometimes we all need a little rest. That’s okay.

However; we all need a pick me up to. I’ll be at yours for 5pm. With wine, ice-cream and some kittens - I’ve been adopting them.

I love you so much y/n. I hope you know that. The whole team are here for you and I’m always here as a shoulder to cry on.

Your love,

PG.”

Tara-

The unsub suffers from the same mental health disorder as you. You feel victimised by the team as they list off the symptoms similar to yours.

You stood in the corner, arms crossed, face flat. The team presented their profile - making sure the officers knew exactly who they were looking for but at this point, they may as well be looking for you. Yet you’d tried to tell them the profile was wrong. He wasn’t suffering from this condition, no matter how much he said he was in his letters. Once the group dispersed, Tara noticed you staring at the floor. She knew instantly, knowing all about your diagnosis as she was the one who suggested you talk to a professional.

“We know that not everyone with this condition is this violent,” Tara muttered to you, standing beside you and playing with files. You scoffed and put some hair behind your ear.

“Sure as hell seems like you think it,” you sighed.

“Y/n,” Tara sighed, turning to you. “This unsub has another branch, another brain to you. All mental health is different and although you fall under the same tree it doesn’t mean you’re anything like him.”

“Tell that to the rest of the team who seem to think I’m capable of cold blooded murder,” you groaned, walking away.

Half an hour later, Tara came to the team. “I think I’ve found a trigger.” She told them. She went on to explain what she thought made the unsub start killing. “And I’ve done some research,” she sighed, glancing at you. “*insert mental disorder* has a tendency to make the sufferer timid and shy around others - not violent. Actually the opposite so although he says he has it on the ransom notes, it doesn’t fit the profile.”

“They’re not violent?”

“No. They stir away from violence and confrontation.” Tara confirmed.

“Okay so he doesn’t have it then,” JJ said. You nodded, smiling. You knew you were right.

#criminal minds #criminal minds evolution #emily prentiss #jennifer jareau #emily prentiss head canons #jemily #emily prentiss x reader #jennifer jareau x reader #jennifer jareau head canons #tara lewis #tara lewis x reader #penelope garcia #Garcia #Penelope Garcia x reader #criminal minds imagine #jennifer jareau imagine #emily prentiss imagine #jj x reader #jj jareau #jareau #prentiss #lewis

[darklinsblog]

Rainbow Baby | Sandman Imagine

Summary: After having gone through a miscarriage, you and your husband seem to be blessed by another pregnancy.

Pairing: Morpheus x Goddess! Reader

Requested: Yes

A few years had passed ever since your miscarriage… Being the Nordic Goddess of love and fertility the loss of your unborn child had brought up an immense heaviness to your heart.

Your husband, Morpheus had too mourned this loss alongside you, feeling helpless as he knew he couldn’t do anything to mend your broken heart.

Only time would be able to do that, so for years you went on with your lives the best you could taking care of the realm and your daughter, Isolde.

Isolde had grown quite beautifully, she now had the appearance of a twelve year old, your precious daughter was full of life, and kept you busy.

You hadn’t been feeling all too well these past weeks and the symptoms you were experiencing were similar to your other pregnancies, but rather than feeling excited you felt more on edge.

This time you were more cautious, first you decided to confirm your suspicions with the Fates, and after paying them a visit you were completely certain you were with child.

You came back to The Dreaming, ready to find your husband and tell him the news, as you went in your search you felt your excitement came rushing in. For the first time in forever, you allowed yourself to be a hopeful pregnant woman.

Lucienne had told you where to find your spouse and you were greeted by the sight of your husband laying on the green grass with your daughter on top, he seemed to be tickling her, and the little girl was squirming and giggling in her touch.

You went ahead and approached them, Isolde felt your presence and ran to you, leaving his father on the floor.

“Is, would you please go with Lu?”

“Oh… you want to have a grown up talk with dad” she said, her eyes glistening and you nodded, kissing her temple.

“You are the smartest girl, never lose that” it was the last thing you said before walking up to Morpheus who was placidly laying on the ground. He smiled widely at the sight of you.

“You alright?” You joked, stretching out your hand for him to stand

“I am” he said, finally standing with your help.

“I went with The Fates today” you explained, Morpheus looked at you confused.

“The Fates?” He asked, almost scared on asking the reason for your visit, he looked at you intently holding your waist “Has something been troubling you?”

“I needed clarification on a delicate matter, after all I didn’t want to break the news to you if my suspicions weren’t true” even when you spoke very calmly, your heart was beating loudly in your chest, your palms felt sweaty.

Morpheus held you tighter in anticipation, he was starting to connect the dots himself, but he wanted you to say it, he needed the words to come out of your mouth to make it real.

“We’re having a baby, again” the cosmos in his eyes seemed to become brighter, he embraced you fully, placing his hand on your head and lifting you up from the ground. You both loved your daughter beyond words, but you did have the hope of having another child, so at this moment, it felt like paradise.

“How long have you known this for?” He asked unable to contain his excitement, Dream was at the edge of tears.

“A few weeks, but I was so scared…” you confessed, his gaze softened as he leaned in to kiss your lips.

“Listen to me, I will be with you every step of the way and it’ll be alright. I promise you” at his heartwarming words, you broke into tears, and he held you as you cried.

Morpheus knew you needed to let out all of those emotions, he could even feel them himself, the grief of your child, the fear of history repeating itself but also the joy and hope this new pregnancy gave you.

The hope of the baby that would come after a miscarriage, your own little perfect rainbow baby.

#the sandman comics #sandman imagine #sandman netflix #dream of the endless #morpheus dream #sandman x reader #tom sturridge #sandman shitpost #morpheus sandman #sandman x you #sandman x y/n #morpheus imagines #Morpheus #tom sturridge x reader #dream of the endless x reader

[adambja]

It's a quit a long post so in sorry for that and I'm not a native English speaker so please pardon my mistakes......

Hey girl , I have a question and it's not related to aff tapes but I want to ask you this question to know your opinion and hope you give me a solution and guide me on this ..... So

To be very honest i manifest so many things in my life ,

I even shift one time ,

Enter in void state also by doing psych k method i think after 2 and half day ,

Even get results by practising living in the present moment ,

Even I get results from your free tapes.

I'm telling you to know I get results and not telling lie and things that i manifest , good friends to good grades to pass in exams or even allow to sit in exams even after not going clg entire year 😅 and for all this I have all my desires so smoothly even just my laptop have internet when whole hostel don't have and so many more fun things and all......

As for live in the present moment - In my check up I diagnosed diabetic but through live in the present moment I heal myself and when I do next day check up I'm completely healthy...

As for your tape come on girl ... There are so many , don't know where to start 🤣🤣🤣 ....anyways so many things

But my main problem is whenever I tell , share my success stories to anyone it stops happening 😭😭😭 I don't believe in it before but i shift and I tell a friend about it till now I don't shift , it's like 2 yrs now ....

Tell my void success story even just as an anon but still after that I didn't enter in void ....

After telling your aff tape success story I start having more doubts or even sometimes I can't even listen to your tape because people district me or start talking to me and want me to answer them but i prefer to listen to it calmly and be alone , all the symptoms i feel suddenly gone .....

After sharing my present moment success story I don't see any results till now .... Not even with the psych method....

At first i just thought that I don't do it properly or maybe I tell my success story to someone who is a negative person and can't understand all of this law and all so it's effect my process because I'm not perfect in it ( it's a wrong and limiting belief ) ...So i decided if i want to tell someone my success story or tell someone my journey I'll just tell it to people who is like me ... So in the community..... But even after telling people like me ( who believe in loa , manifestation and all ) I still get stuck ..... And I tell my success stories to people who help me and to help others but what now ...... Today i suddenly see all things .......

So what should I do to overcome ...😭😭😭

Thank you for taking your time to read ..... I'm sorry again...

I saw some people on here and twitter having the same issue lmao 😭😭

It's just you are making yourself stuck due to your self-concept you keep putting yourself in a maze and confusion due to your self-concept and it's not about my tape at all BUT I AM GLAD MY TAPES MADE YOU COME HERE AND ASK FOR A SOLUTION 😭!!! BECAUSE YOU KNOW NOW THERE IS A WEIRD THING HAPPENING AND THIS IS one of the benefits in the tape your subconscious mind literally lets you know what is the issue and the assumptions you have to change that's why some people experienced some negativity while listening to the tapes NOT EVERYONE THEY ARE LITERALLY 3 PEOPLE GUYS!!

Anyways let's get deeper into this!

So look you got that belief from someone as if it's like if you say your goals or your success stories they can be jinxed and whatever this is

THE FEELING YOU ARE DEALING WITH HERE IS "FEAR" YOU ARE JUST SCARED OF IT and it's okay your feelings are valid but jinxing isn't even real because nobody is real 😭😭 because THE REALITY ITSELF ISN'T REAL SO YOU ARE LITERALLY SAFE

How to solve this?

Affirm

"I am safe"

"I am comfortable"

"I am safe saying my success stories to everyone"

"I am comfortable saying my success stories to everyone"

Also congrats on your success stories with my tapes hehehe 🤭🫶🏻 I know you will have more after this

#law of assumption #loassumption #loa #neville goddard #self concept #loa success #success stories loa #self development #self esteem #void success #non dualism #non duality #nonduality #nondualism

[sanjisprincesswifey]

Hey there! For your finals week event, may I please request prompt 13 ("i don't need anyone else! i just need...you... you're all i need"), with Zoro? She/her pronouns. :) thank you!

note: well of course! some zoro fluff coming right up for you! :)

♡: female reader. 1,100+ words. sfw content.

“zoro, what the hell did you do now?”

sanji’s bitter tone had the swordsman grimacing where he stood, darting his gaze behind him to where sanji was drawing closer.

immediately ignoring him, zoro continues on the path down the busy street not even bothering to slow his pace. sanji grumbles, pulling the wagon full of groceries behind him even faster to catch up.

“i just saw y/n out walking by herself! why aren’t you shopping with her? didn’t she ask you to go with her?” sanji asks, biting back a more hurtful attitude.

zoro can feel the vein in his forehead popping, sanji never knew when to mind his damn business when it came to you. “she said it was okay,” is all zoro says before entering a small swords shop, browsing their collection.

as always, sanji doesn’t know when to take a hint and follows him in. “so you just left her? you’ve been her boyfriend for how long and you still ditch her every chance you get?” sanji growls, his own jealousy interlacing in.

“if you want to fight about it, we can fight about it,” zoro bites back, his hand flying to his hip.

“i don’t need to fight you. when sweet y/n-swan dumps you for treating her so badly, she’ll have no choice but to realize that i am everything she needs and come running into my open loving arms.” sanji smiles, quickly making his way to the exit.

the thought alone has zoro feeling queasy.

sanji was always at your beck and call, just as he was for every pretty girl that crossed his path. but the minute you announced your relationship with zoro, it was like a switch flipped in sanji’s brain.

suddenly he was more doting, charming, and obsessive than he had ever been.

you were always quick to assure zoro that he was the guy for you, and even when it was met with an avoidant blushing mess of a boyfriend, you would giggle and love him just the same.

zoro exits the store, making sure that sanji was actually gone, and follows the path he had seen you take earlier that day. maybe he should’ve just stuck with you today, maybe sanji wouldn’t have been up his ass so much, sticking his nose where it didn’t belong.

“damnit, where the hell did she—” the sight before him causes him to stop in his confused tracks.

sanji hands you a bouquet of flowers, smiling widely down at you as you mirror his expression, accepting the gift right away. he wastes no time guiding you through the busy street, his hand finding the small of your back.

zoro stands there, his chest feels weirdly tight, almost as if he could faint. he watches you walk in the opposite direction until you’re out of sight, lost within the sea of people with that stupid cook.

after a couple of wrong turns and dead ends, zoro finds his way back to the sunny, not bothering to acknowledge his crewmates on the way in. he lightly knocks on the door to the infirmary, hearing a quiet, ‘come in’ in response.

“well your heart and lungs sound good. maybe you’re experiencing a bit of heat stroke symptoms, you should lay down for a while just to be safe,” chopper advises, his stethoscope roaming over zoro’s bare chest.

“you’re welcome to stay here, i’ll have y/n stop by to check on you soon!” chopper smiles, hauling his backpack over his shoulder and leaving the room before zoro can protest to a single word.

he sighs, slumping down onto the bed. his chest continued to ache; it was almost unbearable. he had never experienced something like this before, the way this pain felt was strange.

his mind flashes back to the image of you and sanji together from earlier; how that idiot smiled at you, it made zoro sick.

a light tap against the door and zoro peaks his eye open, your silhouette stands in the doorway, the sun from outside highlighting your frame.

“chopper? are you in? i have—zoro?” you question, seeing your boyfriend sprawled out on the infirmary's bed. “what are you doing here? are you hurt?”

zoro’s jaw clenches when he sees the flowers from earlier still in your hand, turning over so he’s facing the wall. “i’m fine,” he blankly states, “just a little tired is all.”

for a moment there’s silence and pain in his chest grows at the thought of you leaving him alone. but then the bed dips underneath the shifting of weight and you place your hand on his arm, rubbing your thumb soothingly in a circular motion. “anything i could help with?” you sweetly propose.

he glances back at you, your eyes bright and big, just as they always were. “no,” he plainly whispered, “can you just leave me alone?”

but you know better.

you situate yourself on the bed so you’re able to get a better look at his face; he’s tense, almost aggravated about something. “you’re a bad liar,” you reply.

he knows that you see right through him, he could never lie to you. zoro sits up, refusing to make eye contact, his arms folded over his chest as he lets out a heavy breath. “why are we together y/n?” his voice is quiet, almost incomprehensible, but you heard every word. “what?”

the question itself is not what shocks you, it’s the fact that he is the one asking it. but he won’t ask again, and you know that.

you hold out your hand counting out your answers, “well because we love each other, and we make each laugh—”

zoro shakes his head, “no, i mean…” he bites the inside of his cheek, “what if you needed someone else…more than me?” he admits, his cheeks-stained red.

your laughter cannot be contained as you almost fall off the bed, your sound echoing off the walls of the room. zoro flinches, annoyed and embarrassed that you’d react in such a way to this.

“what’s so funny?!” he yells, watching your face turn bright red just like his, but for a different reason.

“i don’t need anyone else…” you say in between fits of laughter, “i just need…you.” tears stream down your face, pain in your side growing stronger, “you’re all i need,” you finally say as you regain calmness.

zoro stares at you in disbelief, but he can feel the pain alleviating in his chest as you pull him in for a quick peck. he smiles for the first time all day before noticing the flowers from before.

“then who are those flowers for?” he adds, pretending to be nonchalant about them.

“chopper! it’s the anniversary of him joining the crew today,” you smile, watching his mouth form an ‘o’ shape.

like, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated! (✿◠‿◠)

#roronoa zoro #roronoa zoro x reader #zoro x reader #one piece #one piece x reader

[youremyheaven]

I’m a Pushya sun and my ex was Uttara Phalguni sun and rising. When things were good they were GREAT, however when things were bad it was an absolute nightmare.

He was extremely judgemental towards my body count and sexual history. I told him if it’s a problem let’s just break up bc I literally cannot change it. He told me that I “wasn’t just some girl”, so he’ll have to overcome it. Proceeded to spend the majority of the relationship berating me for it, calling me a slut and a prostitute. He said the cruelest things a person has ever said to me. He said 99% of men would never love me and he was the 1% of idiots that did. When I finally cracked and went crazy and shouted at him, he held that over my head and i felt terrible for it. At that point we were smoking a lot of weed, and I could barely even process my emotions, it was terrible. I explained all the terrible symptoms I was experiencing and told him I would stop. All the symptoms I said, he told me is what he feels like all the time for years (because he had been smoking like this long before he met me). He told me he would stop as well. That was a lie.

He got super violent, would beat me up so badly during sex, would also pressure me into having sex with him - he would ask over and over and over again until I said yes. He also knew he was doing this cos one time he asked me if I felt pressured by him to have sex and I said yes and he got so angry AT ME for him pressuring me. There was an instance where he hit me across the head and it hurt so bad I had trouble hearing for days and I told him that he hit me too hard, my ears are ringing and he just giggled and said “I know”.

A month before our relationship ended I found out he had a tik tok account where he would post alpha male podcast clips (keep in mind we’re grown adults) - had no idea about this the entire relationship. Also, he pretty much lied to me about everything (granted he has a Rahu moon) even the most stupid things like liking anime for example. I just thought it was cringe and I didn’t watch it at all, and he lied and said he felt the same - come to find he had like anime pfp for a bunch of his online accounts. Lied to me about his family, where he came from, friends, romantic and sexual history, his interests, likes and dislikes, so many things. I had also found a message from a dating app on his phone.

The relationship ended after I found out he relapsed again and completely lied to me about it and was cancelling plans with me just to smoke and play video games with his friends. When I broke up with him, he begged me stay, said no one had ever loved and cared for him this much except for his mother, all of these things. Made me even more confused as to why he treated me like I was the devil then?? I was past the point of conversation so it was just a bad ending. He punched my mattress and told me I would regret leaving him. That was the last I ever saw him.

Goes without saying I learnt a bunch from that relationship! I’m pretty sure he hated my guts but I took care of him and met a lot of his basic needs (Maslow’s hierarchy) so he kept me around to fulfil them. I think he was also just possessive; he didn’t want me but more than that he didn’t want to see me with anyone else. Some of the worst days of my life were in this relationship but in a weird way I feel like this was Saturn teaching me a lesson - I was an idiot who literally forgot who I was for this relationship, made it my number one priority, and had zero self-esteem or self-advocacy. So many points where I should’ve walked away but I learnt the hard way. Never again!!

I am so glad you got out of that relationship!!! Please stay safe!!! Thank you so much for sharing your experience because in my own experiences my yoni consort has been toxic and abusive as well (it does not compare to yours at all tho). I wish you so much peace and healing. You're so strong 🫶

Side note: have you guys ever noticed how a Nodal person seems to be proud of/brag about their interests if at all they have any?? 8/10 they'll be lying about the depth of their involvement in it too lol?? Is it bc Nodal people find it hard to connect to things so when they do, they're just like 😤imma make this my whole personality 😤my ex spoke about how obsessed he was with Greek mythology and how much money he spent on Greek mythology books but he could never talk about it at length?? (he also had substance issues so i attributed it to that tbh)

[existentialbogwitch]

I had a really weird experience at the doctor yesterday and it’s still bothering me.

I went to talk to her because I’ve been experiencing some physical pain. I’m a musician and at first I thought it was just carpal tunnel and I figured it was just going to be part of my life.

But then the pain got worse. There was a week straight where it was entirely unbearable and hurt all the time. Over my entire body.

My doctor told me it was just stress and trauma and that as I learn to manage my symptoms better the pain will dissipate.

I came to my appointment wearing all black. Some swishy pants I love because they are baggy and they do not feel too tight, a sweater vest I just got that is one of my favorite items of clothing right now, and a regular long sleeve white shirt. I had a black beanie on because I needed to wash my hair and in order to make it to my appointment on time, I had to skip a shower.

My appointment was on my day off and I made it earlier than I originally wanted to because I thought I was going to hang out with a friend after. (This was a mistake and I’m never making a doctors appointment before noon again).

I was also wearing sunglasses and a mask because they insist on using fluorescent lighting in the doctors office and it’s easier for me to manage my anxiety if I’m wearing sunglasses. I was wearing a mask because I don’t want to get sick.

When the doctor comes into the room, the first thing she does is point out the bags under my eyes. And I had to reassure her that I’m fine, I’m just tired because I’m working more and I got up early today and I’m not wearing any makeup.

Then she asked me why I was wearing all black and “what happened” because last time she saw me I was really colorful. I told her I just like black, which is the truth. Also I contain multitudes. I actually really liked my outfit that day and I was kind of hurt that she was so judgmental about it.

However, this doctor has been very kind to me over the past year I’ve been seeing her, and I appreciate her kindness. She has children with autism and is generally very compassionate and empathetic.

But she also makes me feel like a child and it’s weird.

She used the word “quirky” to describe me and other autistic people several times.

She told me about her young son who is into jiu-jitsu but also loves my little pony and powerpuff girls.

She told me how it’s “ok that her son likes these things as long as he doesn’t talk about them at school.” And that’s fair, but it broke my heart.

She gave me a list of doctors to go see about getting my autism diagnosis. And that was helpful.

But I had to fight the urge to tell her that the way she was speaking to me about autism felt uncomfortable.

Every time someone tells me a “solution” to autism symptoms that involve pretending to fit in with other groups of people, I immediately feel gross. Mostly because this is what I’ve been told my whole life. Even before I knew I was autistic.

I’ve always had to be the one to make the effort to change myself so that other people will be more comfortable.

I fully recognize that there are a lot of public spaces where this is necessary for safety reasons and also to be respectful of others.

But pretending I don’t have anxiety so that other people will feel more comfortable? I’m not doing that anymore.

If I’m feeling anxious or angry or sad or any other “big feeling”, I’m going to try to do the best I can to regulate my emotions so they do not control me. And this might involve me needing to leave the situation entirely and be alone. Or if I cannot leave, I will tell people that I am feeling dysregulated and I’m trying to calm down and to please stop talking to me or asking me questions while I’m trying to calm down.

Someone standing in my face and going “you don’t have to be anxious with me.” Is not going to help me.

I’m realizing that my trauma is a lot more severe than I thought and combined with the autism, it’s making it very difficult for me to trust people or talk to anyone because I can no longer discern if someone is being genuinely kind to me because they care or if they are manipulating me.

I’m trying not to feel like “too much” or take up too much space or make other people uncomfortable, but it is very painful for me to have to hide so much of myself.

I wish I had the energy to just write music that could convey my feelings. People will listen to you if you have well produced videos and a social following.

But I am overwhelmed by the dichotomy between expressing my own feelings and being concerned that those feelings could harm others.

A lot of people do not like to hear that their actions have been harmful to me, especially when they had good intentions.

I also do not like hearing when my actions have been harmful to others, especially when I have good intentions.

But I am learning and I’m trying my best.

Not everyone is going to like me, and some people may even hate me. Some people do not want me to exist at all.

(No people directly in my personal life have ever threatened me to my face, but it is difficult to live with family who is invalidating to your experiences and watching conservative propaganda on YouTube constantly.)

I’m waiting for the day that I’m “too weird” for someone and they retaliate.

I’m afraid to go out to public events sometimes out of fear that there might be a shooter.

I think my fear is justified.

I’ve been trying to cultivate more community online and participate in “safe spaces” but it is still difficult sometimes. I’m 37 and I do not have a partner or kids and I live with my family. I’m the kind of autistic, mentally ill person who needs a lot more support than I’m getting and many things are difficult for me.

Sometimes it’s hard for me to relate to people with kids because they use their kids as their reason for being exhausted. I don’t have kids. What’s my excuse? I’m just lazy then I guess?

They never say this to me out loud, but I don’t know what to say to them sometimes and they don’t know what to say to me either.

I’ve lost a lot of friends because no one knows how to talk to me and I don’t really know how to talk to other people either. Unless it’s about music or something else I’m interested in.

A lot of day to day topics are hard for me to talk about because my day to day looks very different from most people my age.

I have to do things in the ways that work for me though, even if it’s different from the “norm.”

I like watching social media accounts featuring other autistic people and how they have learned to live in the world. But I also take this information with a grain of salt because every person is different.

Also if catering to your sensitivities makes you weak, then I don’t want to be strong.

I am really working on releasing some of the shame I feel about the state of my existence, but it is a difficult process.

I feel weird posting this because I’m unsure as to whether I’m doing the right thing by sharing my inner experiences.

Almost every time I post I feel like people are reading it and going “poor girl she should really go to therapy.” Instead of just talking to me like a friend.

And I get it, a lot of people do not have the emotional regulation skills themselves to engage with someone who is suffering.

I think most people could benefit from learning emotional regulation skills.

I’m constantly torn between “there are already enough people in the world shouting things from mountaintops, you don’t need to add to the noise.”

And “if you don’t write about your experiences, they will sit inside you and rot, slowly poisoning you from the inside out.”

So I feel compelled to share because it makes me feel better.

If other people don’t like it, they don’t have to read it.

#personal #autism #doctors #existentialbogwitch

[frecklystars]

System/DID Anon coming back with a response! My question was mostly as someone who is also myself a system (with, hah, a whole polyamorous relationship with a whopping 4 other systems believe it or not!) I've seen a lot of how this can manifest and the very broad spectrum of how it works. By no means am I even close to a professional, so please take my theorizing with a grain of salt. (And goodness I am so desperately not trying to armchair diagnose someone I don't know personally)

The reason I asked in the first place was primarily in that your f/o's, functionally speaking, seem to have a very similar role as protector alters can, and I just thought that was neat! Your love for them and their roles as protective forces that adore and care for you really speaks to me as someone who very much benefits from the companionship of my fellow headmates. It's just really cool to me psychologically how these things manifest :3

OHHHHHH. Ohhhh I see I see! Firstly thank you for being patient with me during this conversation, because I don’t know much of anything about DID at all and I’m absolutely going to come off as ignorant while typing up responses about this.

I find it very interesting that you felt compelled to ask me about it (genuinely) and I can try to give you a little bit of history on why I’ve latched into protective characters lately, or even looking at a non-protective characters and saying “hey btw you’re my bodyguard now 😍”

I tried looking up some more symptoms/behaviors (forgive me if that’s the incorrect word, feel free to correct me on that) and the search results listed poor memory, disassociating/having out of body experiences. That didn’t give me much information so I kept scrolling until I found a link where someone on Reddit asked “how did you figure out you were a system before you knew what that was?” One person says they thought they had sleepwalking problems because they’d pass out or “black out” and their family members would tell them their moods would change drastically during that time. A lot of people listed that they hear voices in their head, some of them whispering or others talking at a normal volume at the front or back of their head, some of the voices other genders than the one they identify as. Another person says they were unable to discern dreams from reality, another person said they’d keep a journal and write thoughts that they knew weren’t theirs, or their body would be doing an action that they weren’t telling it to do. A lot of ppl are listing amnesia/blacking out when someone else is fronting.

I cannot say I’ve experienced any of this on any regular basis. I asked one of my mutuals who is a system mainly of their F/Os, and they said they hear their F/O’s voices in their head. (I’ve always joked for years “my F/Os all live in a room in my head” so at this part I was like “oh hold up now.” but a few of my friends have the same joke so idk if that’s a “I have multiple F/Os just chilling out when I daydream about them” kind of common self ship feeling or… something) but I don’t hear my F/O’s voices unless if I, like, conjure it on purpose? Like when you’re reading a book and you’re (probably) able to hear the character voice in your head while you’re reading their dialogue? Idk if that’s something everyone can do come to think of it, but I will try to “hear” my F/O say something encouraging to me, but it’s something I actively have to try to do, it doesn’t just come to me without me prompting it first. Like I’ll think of Barbie and Ken cheering “you’ve got this, sweet girl!!” if I have a difficult task at one of my jobs, but again, that’s something I’d be consciously doing. Oh, and I haven’t gotten any feedback from anyone I know telling me that my mood or behavior changes, and I do not feel like I have any periods where I black out, I don’t feel like I have any huge gaps in memory either.

Btw If you have more information about any of this that you’re comfortable sharing, please feel free to let me know! 💕 This is only a little bit of information that I’ve absorbed, but just based on this, I don’t feel like I experience DID. Or at least I don’t think I do. I’m not going to say anything about myself with 100% certainty, because at this point with everything that’s been happening to me, I uh. wouldn’t be surprised if my brain wanted to do another “hey Keri guess what :)”

Aw I love how you phrased them as protective forces 🥺🥺 I see. I didn’t used to be so… idk the word, I’m very desperate and intense(???) about self shipping with characters now more than ever, solely to be able to point at a character and be like “you! you’re gonna protect me wholeheartedly, you’re not going to let me get hurt again! because you love me so much!!” even if I don’t believe they love me at first, I have to really work so hard to drill it into my head. I had a really shitty experience with a person who made me feel like I was in danger IRL constantly, stalking where I work and trying to find out where I live and track down where my family lives + their contact info, threatening to harm themselves if I didn’t cater to their demands, turning my friends against me when i was completely isolated, etc stuff like that. This was an everyday occurrence for several months and they would show me commissions of themself with TF characters almost every single day as they were doing this, or they’d commission me with a TF F/O as a way to “apologize” and “erase” what they’d done so I could forgive them. and my brain just,,, made TF, and multiple other things associated with my abuser, triggers. They’d also in the same breath tell me how abusive these TF F/Os would be, which didn’t help at all— anyway! it got to the point where I have cptsd with TF and a bunch of other stuff, but I lost my TF F/Os due to all of that and that was. hoo. painful.

I couldn’t self ship for almost a year because I would look at *any* character and believe they’d hurt me, even ones I didn’t associate with my abuser. Even the softest characters that could never hurt anyone! I automatically believe I’m the exception now, like any character would be loving to anyone except me, just because I’m Keri, and uh, that’s all the info they’d need to want to hurt me. I never used to feel this way until I was abused and put into danger. I am still at a point where sometimes I’ll look at Ken and think “oh… he wouldn’t love me, he’d want to punch me in the face actually, he’d want to [insert vile things my abuser would say here] because I am the exception to kindness, I am only lovable through immense violence” which… haha… isn’t good, holy shit. But I’m doing a lot better than I was, let’s say… 6 months ago. Way better. I’m self shipping again, even if it’s slowly but surely, even if I don’t really fully “trust” that I’d be loved and protected, I’m… what’s it called, faking it til you make it? I’m trying to write and draw and imagine my F/Os being protective as much as I can, because I need that so badly, until my brain finally believes it. And it’s actually worked for some characters!

This is why a lot of my recent F/Os that are known for being incredibly violent and brutal (i.e. Mike and the Salamanca Twins from BrBa, Patrick Bateman from AP, Lloyd Hansen from The Gray Man) I’ll often call “my bodyguards”, and why a lot of the times when I post about self shipping it’s stuff like my F/Os taking care of me when I’m physically sick from the cptsd flashbacks, hugging me after nightmares, promising me they won’t let someone touch me again, etc. I didn’t used to self ship like this until [gesturing vaguely to the last year and a half] that stuff happened.

SO— I rambled about all of that to you just now because I wonder if that’s what made you ask me if I was a possibly a system. I’ve heard DID can blossom from traumatic events and … judging from [slow blink] the last year and a half, I wouldn’t be surprised if my horrific experiences had turned into, or will turn into, something. eventually. However, I feel like the protective F/Os thing is just a combination of losing a special interest of three years very unexpectedly and violently, and the depression that came with losing that stability/routine/main comfort of that + bearing the ache of isolation and feeling miserable and lonely because I don’t have those characters to rely on anymore + cptsd and depression just in general. But! again! I wouldn’t know for sure!

I find it extremely interesting that you are a system who looked at Me and thought “oh is Keri also a system?” this is the first time someone’s asked me that, so I’m genuinely intrigued. If you want to respond please feel free! Also props to you if you actually read this entire thing lolol I’m so sorry for rambling so much there.

#anonymous #asks

[dva-0n-l1ne]

It had passed at least a few weeks since He had an encounter with the couple of huntresses, he was expecting they ran away the next morning but was surprised they didn't but more that they seemed to be hungry for more of the mercenary manhood, and so they didn't got out of the hotel room for three days and then they left together as a new happy family.

"Don't worry yours will grow too" Tryndamere hums into Yang's ear as his hand caresses her still well defined abdomen "besides I'm pretty sure our kitten is expecting more that one" he tried to console the blonde brawler after Blake had been shown signs of a little bump on her belly "but of course if you still have doubts..." He took a grip on her neck and pulled her into a tight hug, his hard and thick manhood pressing between her asscheeks as his hand sneak inside her hot shorts and began to tease her womanhood, of course this was just an excuse for him to aroused her as this was one of the rare instances they were alone.

After the night he forced himself onto the two huntresses, they both became completely addicted to him. Wanting to have his children, and allowing him to own them, control them, and use their bodies whenever he pleased. They happily pleasured him together whenever he wanted too. The two girls loyally traveled at his side wherever he went. Being completely happy to do so. They both threw away their lives for him. Never going back to being huntresses but now eagerly wanting to birth and mother his children. 

After the many weeks of them traveling together, Yang was growing jealous of the fact Blake was already showing. She had grown a small baby bump already, while Yang was not showing yet. Yang had been experiencing pregnancy symptoms, the same as Blake, there was no doubt in her mind she was pregnant but she wanted to be showing. To have the proof exposed to the world. 

Tryndamere seemed to notice Yang’s small amount of displeasure as he consoled her while Blake was away. She shivered as he traced his fingers over her currently flat stomach. Yang pouted, “How unfair, I wish to carry multiple of Master’s babies! She already looks so good with her baby bump… I want to start showing already!” Of course she was at a disadvantage. Blake’s kind was known for having multiples. That didn’t mean she couldn’t pout about it. Though she loved how her girlfriend looked with her bump. Yang couldn’t stop touching her. They were both turned on over being pregnant, and were still very much in love with each other as they were with him.

Yang gasped as his arm wrapped around her throat, pulling her against his body. Just feeling his cock against her ass excited her already, “I-i’m certain I already am but I wish Master to make completely sure I have his baby.~” A moan left Yang as he pushed his hand into her shorts, started rubbing her then pushing his fingers up inside her. Forcing moans and gasps of pleasure from the blonde. Yang grinded herself down on his fingers. Quickly growing soaking wet for him. It was so easy for him to get the two girls worked up for him. They were constantly wanting his cock, “A-ah!~ P-please fuck me already!~ I-i wish to be filled b-by Master again!~” And it was one of the rare times he could completely focus on her rather than his focus torn between both girls.

#a flaming pleasure #a catty pleasure

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW / child abuse, involuntary stay, misgendering

When I was 17 I was put in a mental hospital for stockpiling medication. While I was there the girls were treated unfairly compared to the boys. Even though I am a transman, and I was actively taking testosterone during that time, I was put on the girls side. I was put in a room by myself, because if you presented LGBT+, they’d put you alone.

The first thing that they made me do when I got there was go into a room with 2 grown women that I did not know. I didn’t know what was happening until they told me to undress. This was my first skin check ever. One of the nurses called my chest “tits”. They were expressionless, mean, and I was scared. Afterwards I asked to use the bathroom and I cried.

Nurses and staff would make jokes and comments about how many scars I had, and not in a professional way. I understand wanting to lighten the mood, but they always said it with shock or amazement, like I was an animal in a zoo.

Another thing that happened there, the staff randomly stated that someone had a shank and we needed to be searched. But only the girls needed to be searched, because this was a “girls only” issue. They randomly chose a few girls to get completely naked, squat, and cough. Ages 8-17, maybe younger. I was told that I didn’t have to do this, because I was “trusted”. I think it’s because I was more grown than the others. There were no nurses present during this check.

I remember waking up to a girl screaming and crying for help

The entire time I was there I repressed my emotions and faked everything so I could get out of there. I don’t think I have been able to stop doing that. I am 19 now and I cannot properly express emotions. I had trauma before this but this added onto it. I am told by my psychiatrist that I have a flat affect.

It was always so hot and noisy at night

There are other things that happened but those stuck out to me the most.

Is this a normal experience? I know that mental hospitals are not the best places, but are they all like this? It was so bad, that I tell myself if I ever get admitted again, I will go through with my plan. I have nightmares about that place often. Am I overreacting? Is it possible to have PTSD from this experience?

I’m so sorry for the long post. I got carried away.

Hi anon,

What you went through is horrific and I'm so sorry you had to experience all these things. Please know that what you experienced isn't "normal" in the sense that it isn't okay, but while experiences at mental hospitals aren't 100% bad, what you went through can be described as "normal" because mistreatment at psychiatric facilities happen unfortunately often. Know that there is no need to apologize for the length of your ask.

I'm not a professional so it's not up to me to tell you whether or not you have a particular disorder, but it is possible that you could not only have trauma from your experience there, but it may fit the criteria for PTSD. As someone with PTSD, they (as in people who diagnose) usually say that these trauma symptoms must persist for at least 6 months, which can include things like trauma-related nightmares, rumination (thinking excessively about what happened), noticing certain triggers developing, etc.

I can understand how an experience like this may cause you to develop a negative relationship with therapy or the idea of it. However, I do think it could be incredibly useful to your healing journey to be able to work with a mental health professional such as a therapist, if you can access or afford it. They could help you process your experiences, explore the possibility of a PTSD diagnosis, and help you feel more comfortable expressing your emotions. Please know that you deserve the best care available, especially after everything you've been through.

I have not been admitted to a psych ward, mental hospital, or whatever other term may be used to describe it, so I apologize if I couldn't offer any direct comments regarding that experience. My sister was admitted at one point, but she told me that she had a positive experience there and made some friends (it's possible that her experience is simply lucky). If anyone would like to share their experiences, please feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw child abuse #tw transphobia #tw sa #tw csa #trauma details

[aeternalight]

please interact if you're a 20 something (or 18 or 19) and believe in reincarnation who loves cute girls and ghost guys, and uhm , aesthetic stuff.

Like, cybercore, yamikawaii, tenshi kawaii, hyperpop, edm, menhera, etc. But you're also definitely irreversibly affected by your supernatural experiences, so you dove into witchcraft to possibly connect to anyone with a similar experience.

I am friendly to:

Otherkin. I call it by a different name.

Systems or trauma survivors. I am one myself. Unpalatable symptoms or thoughts? I completely understand, shadow work is not for the faint of heart.

Yanderes or mentally ill aesthetic girlies. Its completely valid to have abandonment issues, yanderes are so vampirecore. Please give me your pinterest.

Pro kink/kinksters. Like obv, don't interact if you only post porn on your main blog, no one wants to see that. But if in your spare time, or with your partner, do kink, come be my friend. We need more people like you in this world.

Diviners. please please interact if you do astrology, tarot, or another type of divination, that is my hyperfixation, pleaseee interact with me.

Have past lives in which you weren't human or know of your past lives in general. I want to know if you knew me. I'd like to be your friend even if we didn't.

Are an artist/lover of aesthetics. I love all kinds of aesthetics, I'd love to meet more people who are visually inclined. Show me your moodboards, show me your doodles. I'd like to see what kind of things you have come up with.

Connect to the fey/faerie/sidhe. I am not one of those people who sees the fey as tiny little fairies, although I do not mind fairies. Just interact in general if you have a connection, whether or not that you can explain, to the fey. Or if you believe you've had a past life as one. I'd like to know you.

You experience premonitions or tend to write prophetic prose. This one is a little hard to explain, but if you're out there, having written or experienced something predetermined by a piece of cryptic text, hit me up.

I doubt I'll find much or any person like this, given this day and age. But I'm still holding out hope. You don't have to be everything on that list, but you have to be okay with most of it. If we are to be friends, or to connect spiritually, you should know that I am not a fan of gatekeeping, fakeclaiming, lateral aggression, or cringe culture. If you do not simply understand due to a human lens on life, let me take that off for you, as those who connect to me are not even close to normal members of society. My space is for the strange, unusual, or those who don't care and simply want to have fun. Neutral spirits, not unequivocally pure or lawfully aligned. I'd like to go on adventures, as long as none of you are judgmental.

So come with me, as long as you feel drawn or heard. I may be the person for you.

#.post #witchblr #reincarnation #witchcraft #spirituality #dni if you want everyone to believe in an overarching god #i dont believe in the chr*stian god and i dont want to interact with people who force others to #spiritual beliefs should be chosen #enlightened or ascended. it doesnt matter. #i dont need to be my higher self to know that its bullshit

[wildcard-rumi]

You've probably done it before but :) Sonic for the fandom ask game! ^^

I actually haven't. Tbf I've got basically no asks for the past few months.

5 Favourite Characters:

Shadow The Hedgehog (When written well)

Silver The Hedgehog

Miles 'Tails' Prower (When written well)

Blaze The Cat

Sonic The Hedgehog (When written well)

3 OTPs:

I honestly don't really ship any of the characters in the Sonic series. Don't really know why, but I've never really felt like romance was needed, I just enjoy the friendship and found family between the characters.

I guess the characters I've come closest to shipping are probably Tangle and Whisper from the IDW comics 'cause those girls are pretty dang fruity and it's adorable.

Funniest Character:

I think, consistently, probably Eggman because even when the games had crappy writing, he still had some pretty good lines and Mike Pollock really made them work as best they could.

But also, I quite like Sticks from Sonic Boom, more specifically, the cartoon. But she's great because her character type is the type that could easily become very annoying if not handled correctly but they managed to make her really funny and I hope to see her in more stuff.

Prettiest Character:

I guess probably Blaze? I dunno, I like her colour scheme and her outfit and hairstyle have a regal feeling to them, which makes sense considering she's a princess. Also, maybe Rouge? Her outfit's great, especially the boots.

Most Badass Character:

Shadow, and that's excluding the whole using guns and riding motorcycles from his game. He was already badass, they didn't need to make him do all that stuff.

Character I'd Like As My BFF:

Honestly, it would probably have to be Sonic actually. And to clarify once again, well he's written well. So get the Meta Era Sonic out of here, not him. He's honestly one of the sweetest characters. It's really endearing how much he cares about his friends, but also, he cares too much and ends up putting himself in danger for them. But even without that, he always encourages them when they're down or anxious, he listens when they need someone to talk to, if they've got a sort of rivalry he will playfully tease them and egg them on because he knows they'll do the same right back.

It's honestly kinda funny how, when I was a kid Sonic was the coolest thing ever, but now that I'm an adult, he's the cutest. I just wanna give him a hug.

Character That's Ruined My Life:

It's probably a tie between Shadow and Silver.

Shadow, because his introduction into the series was easily one of the best and he was written so well (like do y'all remember that Shadow actually suffered from PTSD and you can see him experiencing those symptoms??? Sega doesn't.). And then he got an overly edgy game of his own and became a meme of Edgy The Hedgey and then Sega started to actually write him that way and it sucks. Like, honestly after seeing how the main cast were fixed in Frontiers, I am begging for them to fix Shadow next. He needs it. He needs it so bad. Write him well again, please. I am screaming and crying and biting, write him well.

And Silver, because he has so much potential. Like he had the misfortune of debuting in Sonic 06, a game well-known for being just a little bit of a trainwreck... But his personality and convictions and struggles were all really engaging and could very easily work for other stories. But then he appeared in the two Rivals games with some weird changes and it seems like the only storyline they had for him was "His future timeline is in danger so he comes back to Sonic's time to fix it" and the idea of him doing that over and over and over again... That just seems kinda cruel... Which sucks because I know Silver can be so much more.

[minnowtank]

the notes of that post i just reblogged are so funny. guys its a crazy world out there and there are SOOO many people who pretend to have anxiety, rejection sensitivity disorders etc. in order to garner sympathy and attention. you can tell that they are pretending because they will use it as an excuse for any wrongdoing. i knew a girl in high school who was inspired by my real life panic attacks and would make people GATHER AROUND HER when she was having a "panic attack" (which she would announce by saying loudly "I am having a panic attack now. Please come here" instead of running away, acting in an unflattering manner, or experiencing any actual symptom of a panic attack). she basically constructed the lie that her anxiety was so debilitating that she needed extra time on tests. she used her fake disorder to CHEAT ON TESTS. i know this because she would take them in the counselor's office, and once i showed up there because i actually have an anxiety disorder in Real Life and she was literally taking a test i took months ago and asked me for the fucking answer to one of the questions with no shame. while taking the test. and then i saw her GO ON HER PHONE WHILE TAKING THE TEST IN THERE and no one gave a shit because she made herself seem so helpless

#i could tell that she was inspired by my panic attacks because mine were/are always school related #and she suspiciously never had them until she knew about how i would frequently get them #🐟

[pies-writes-and-more]

allergic to you

Word Count: 3, 713

Pairing: Tsukishima Kei x High School Age!Fem!Reader

Warnings: some swear words I guess, but as per usual, it’s just fluff from me. 

A/N: Guess who’s finally joined another fandom lol hello Haikyuu fandom! Pls be kind, it’s my first time writing for this fandom but I am in love with Karasuno boys, it’s problematic. Anyways, please let me know if you liked it! Sorry if I didn’t quite capture him the way other writers do haha. Also, Y/N = Your (Last) Name, just cause typing Y/L/N is exhausting lol my b

(Not my gif, credits to the original creator!)

Yamaguchi was trying his very hardest not to laugh, his hands clasped together in front of his lips to stifle his giggles as the tall blond boy he had known for years just looked at him desperately.

“It’s not funny,” Tsukishima’s lips formed into a frown (almost a pout), looking away from his friend nervously. His fingers played with some chopsticks, poking at his uneaten lunch.

Yamaguchi had never see Tsukishima Kei nervous. Volleyball games? Totally calm. Math class? Easy. Exam season? Piece of cake.

But put Tsukishima near a girl? No, scratch that. Not just any girl. Put Tsukishima near Y/N? It was all over for him. Suddenly, this 190cm tall boy wanted to shrink small enough to run away and not be noticed.

“It’s a little funny, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi insisted, finally letting out just a tiny chuckle that he just couldn’t hold back. “I think you’re overreacting. Just a bit.”

Tsukishima’s eyes turned back to the other boy, staring at him as if analyzing him, “How could I be overreacting? I’m telling you, I’m allergic!”

Yamaguchi was really trying his best to be supportive, knowing that talking about things was already hard for Tsukishima, especially when involving a particularly cute girl. “You think... you’re allergic... to Y/N,” Yamaguchi retorted slowly, repeating how Tsukishima started this convo with.

“Don’t be an idiot,” Tsukishima scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Obviously it’s some product she uses or something,” his nose scrunched up slightly as he tried to think of what it could possibly be. “Like that hand lotion she uses. The one that smells like vanilla and brown sugar,” Tsukishima proclaimed, nodding to himself like he had solved the mystery.

The green haired boy was still trying his best to be supportive. He nodded slowly, giving a forced smile to his best friend as he slowly spiralled into insanity. He had never seen Tsukishima this desperate for answers before. “Hasn’t she let you use some of that hand lotion?” He wondered aloud, remembering very specifically how red Tsukishima’s ears got when she rubbed a bit into a rash he had gotten on his hand.

“Gotta take good care of your hands if you play volleyball, Tsukishima-san!” Y/N had beamed, her fingers massaging the cream in.

Tsukishima had practically fainted that day, though he’d never admit it.

The blond’s frown tightened, holding his hand to his chin in thought, “Right. So not the hand lotion then.”

“Maybe she got a new perfume?” Yamaguchi offered, nibbling on some of his lunch while Tsukishima thought it out.

“No, she’s still using the same one,” He mumbled, and Yamaguchi smirked to himself, knowing that Tsukishima would’ve never admitted before that he knew little details like this about her. 

“Well. what kinds of symptoms do you have? Maybe that’ll narrow it down,” Yamaguchi suggested, leaning his head back on the wall behind them. It wasn’t unusual for Tsukishima to want to eat some place quiet, but today had been the first day that he had practically dragged Yamaguchi to this small secluded spot behind the school. The two of them sat against a wall to eat, though Tsukishima’s lunch had been completely forgotten.

“I just-” Tsukishima hesitated, eyebrows furrowing in annoyance as he tried to word how his body felt every time she was around. “I always feel so lightheaded. And my heartbeat’s always irregular too. Sometimes it feels like I can’t breathe properly.” His hand slid into his jacket pocket, pulling out his phone and tilting the screen towards Yamaguchi to show him a medical diagnostic page on the web. “Some people say these are symptoms of allergies. Or an anxiety attack. But I’m leaning more towards allergies.”

Yamaguchi squinted at the text, “You... Googled it?” He asked, a playful smile on his lips, glancing up at Tsukishima, amused.

“Well, what else am I supposed to do?” Tsukishima scoffed, scrolling through the page. “I don’t know what else it could be. It’s not with anyone else. It can’t be the classroom either, cause when she’s not around, I don’t feel anything.”

“Hm. So what’re you going to do about it?” Yamaguchi asked, going along with this ‘allergic’ idea as much as he could. He knew Tsukishima was very rational and even if he suggested what he figured was happening, Tsukishima would never listen.

“D-Do?” Tsukishima blinked. He hadn’t thought about what the next step was.

“Well I assume you don’t want to keep feeling that like right? You could always ask the teacher to move you, I suppose. Then ask her not to attend any of our games. Avoiding her for the rest of your life seems like the best choice doesn’t it?” Yamaguchi asked innocently, closing up his lunch box and taking a sip from his juice.

Tsukishima stayed quiet, eyebrows still furrowed and the frown on his face tightening. He knew that made sense - one of the girls in their class was allergic to nuts and she always had to be careful what she ate, and he had even heard of some people not eating or drinking milk products because of allergies. The logical part of his brain agreed with Yamaguchi, perhaps staying away from Y/N was the only answer.

“Then... maybe it’s not an allergy,” Tsukishima mumbled quietly. He hated going back on his word but he couldn’t deny that he loathed the idea of not seeing Y/N’s smile ever again. Or seeing her sit with someone else. “Maybe it’s just something I have to get used to.”

“You know, Tsukishima,” Yamaguchi started again, looking off to the scenery that was in front of them. His voice was light and airy as he tried to coax his friend to the idea, “What you’re going through sounds a lot like-”

Tsukishima could hear it in his voice, he knew the next word forming from Yamaguchi’s lips before it even entered the air. He slammed his lunch box closed and stood up abruptly, turning away from the other boy’s eyes. “Lunch is over,” he grumbled, as if that was the reason he stood up so dramatically.

Yamaguchi smirked and packed up his things, shaking his head slowly when Tsukishima wasn’t looking. He wasn’t at all surprised that Tsukishima was having a hard time accepting his feelings.

The word hung in the very serious boy’s mind for the rest of the day. He tried not to focus so much on Y/N as he sat next to her for the rest of their classes, tried to not inhale too much or look in her general direction, in fear that his “allergy” would act up again.

He was almost positive it wasn’t... that. He would know for sure if it was, wouldn’t he? His nose scrunched slightly as he thought about the music he had listened to before, ones that had just a good melody and beat and he definitely didn’t listen to because of the lyrics since they were about... that thing.

Didn’t some people talk about their heart feeling like it was going to fall out of their chest? That they found it hard to breathe? That it was like all life stopped when they saw that person? And that despite all this, they never wanted to be without them?

Tsukishima had to get to the bottom of this. He was either experiencing some sort of allergic reaction to her or he was experiencing feelings. He thought about ignoring them, pretending like they didn’t exist so that maybe everything would go back to normal one day. But how long would that take? Wouldn’t it just be easier to rip off the bandaid and find out now?

At the end of class, Tsukishima zoomed his way out of class, not waiting for Yamaguchi like usual.

“Is he alright, Yamaguchi-san?” Y/N asked, surprised that the two best friends weren’t walking out together like they had every other day. Some days, they would even walk out with Y/N on their way to practice. But apparently, not today.

“He’s got a lot on his mind,” Yamaguchi explained, waving it away with a smile. Perhaps today he would be walking home by himself. And that was fine by him.

Y/N packed up her things and waved goodbye to her other classmates, heading out the door and slipping in her headphones. Her mind drifted to all the things she had to do when she got home, whether or not there were leftovers to heat up today or if she should cook something up.

“You take so long,” a drawl voice interrupted the very beginning of her first song. She blinked in surprise, looking to her right where Tsukishima was leaning against a tree.

Y/N pulled out one earbud, tilting her head as she watched him. It wasn’t like she hadn’t seen him do this casual, I-don’t-care-about-anything lean, with his headphones around his neck and his hands shoved in his pockets. But there was something different about him this time. Why was he avoiding her eyes? Why was he not giving her an annoyingly carefree smile? Why were his ears turning pink?

“Were you... waiting for me, Tsukishima-san?” Y/N asked slowly. He didn’t move for a moment, as if still calculating something in that big brain of his. He pushed off of the tree after sighing, walking over to her slowly.

“Obviously,” was all he said, glaring down at her as if she should’ve known this.

“You rushed out of class so quick, I thought you were already going home,” Y/N responded, still a bit confused. “Don’t you and Yamaguchi normally walk home together?”

Why did she have to question so much? Why couldn’t she just realize what he was trying to do? Tsukishima huffed and grabbed her hand, dropping a nice cool juice box in it. His eyes darted away from her next inquisitive look, but glanced back almost immediately because he wanted to see her eyes widen just a little at her favourite juice box.

“W-What is this?” Y/N asked, holding it in her hands. Part of her wanted to examine it to make sure he hadn’t somehow tricked her into holding something that wasn’t actually juice. She looked up at him suspiciously - Tsukishima knew her favourite juice?

“You didn’t have one with you today. I figured you forgot your wallet again today,” Tsukishima mumbled, shoving his hands in his jacket again.

“O-Oh. I did, thank you. Um,” Y/N hesitated. Was Tsukishima trying... to be nice? “Why... why did you buy it for me?”

“I just said why,” Tsukishima scoffed, flicking her head gently. He scolded himself internally, feeling guilty as soon as she showed the surprise on her face. She’s asking why you thought to be nice, Kei, stop being snarky, he told himself harshly. “Sorry,” he muttered quickly, feeling almost immediately bad for flicking her.

Y/N just laughed though, giggles spilling from her lips as she looked up at him, “Are you feeling okay, Tsukishima-san? You’re turning red,” she teased gently and he looked away from her quickly, hating how quickly his face heated up.

He took a breath, trying to mimic how calm he was on the court. He turned back to look at her with a cocky smile and confidence gaze, though he was sure she could tell he was nervous, “I’m fine, Y/N-san. But I need to tell you something. And I’m only going to say it once so listen up.”

Y/N watched him intently, noting the fake confidence he was trying to put on. She nodded as he looked at her for any sign to keep going.

His lips opened for a moment and Y/N could’ve sworn there was a moment of panic in his eyes when nothing came out. “I’m going to walk you home today,” Tsukishima stated finally, each word thudding into the air. He felt his confidence falter as the wrong words left his mouth, shifting his bag on his shoulder and starting to walk ahead.

Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed, feeling her confusion only rise. Did he really build up that whole thing... just to walk her home?

“Hurry up or I’ll leave you here,” Tsukishima called behind his shoulder, still walking ahead. He was internally punching himself, groaning and uttering insults at his own stupid self. Couldn’t even say it. Couldn’t just say Y/N I like you and I think I’m either allergic to you or I’m utterly in love with you but I’ve been told I suck at explaining how I feel and that I never say the right things at the right time so please just reject me so I can move away from these exhausting feelings.

“Want some?” Y/N’s gentle voice was suddenly beside him, and Tsukishima felt his stomach doing that flipping motion again. He glanced down at her and saw her holding up the juice box at him. “Seems only fair, since you bought it,” she explained, the glimmer in her eyes making him feel way too warm inside.

“Sure,” he mumbled after a moment. She smiled just a little bit wider, holding up the juice to him, expecting him to just snatch it away and drink. But no, Tsukishima being a little bitch and deciding that if he couldn’t admit anything with words, he could try with actions, leaned down slightly, and latched his lips onto the straw. His hand wrapped around hers over the juice box, holding it still as he took a sip.

Y/N felt like she was suddenly bright red, her heart possibly having exploded right then and there. His eyes looked up to meet hers as he sipped, smirking a bit as he noticed the panicked and flushed look in her eyes.

Maybe the feeling is... mutual?

“Mm,” he hummed, pulling away after keeping her gaze for a second. “I guess I can see why you like it.”

Y/N had shivers running up and down her spine, feeling like Tsukishima had looked into her very soul and knew about her year-long crush on him.

The two of them started walking a bit slower after that, and to the external eye, you’d probably just see two classmates walking home together. But look a little closer, and you’d see both of them having internal conflicts. They managed to walk through the small roads filled with shops and make it about halfway to Y/N’s house in complete silence. 

“Y/N-san,” Tsukishima finally ended it, the agonizing silence, in which he had been racking his brain trying to think of how to start a conversation. He stopped in his tracks as he spoke the one word, the two of them now on a quieter dirt path. There was no one to interrupt them, no one to save Tsukishima from embarrassment, no Yamaguchi to fill the awkward silence.

“Hm?” Y/N looked back at him, noticing him just standing there. “Are you alright, Tsukishima-san?”

“There’s something I need to say,” he started, his hands in his pockets clenched into fists.

“O-Oh okay.”

“I’ve been... feeling sick around you.” Baka, he scolded himself for what felt like the millionth time. That definitely wasn’t the way he had wanted to say it. “I-I mean, not like sick sick but like allergy sick,” he tried to recover, but scoffed at himself since that wasn’t all that much better.

Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed in response, trying to think about his reactions lately. He had definitely been more flushed lately, but she always thought that was annoyance. He’d been quieter and more distant, but it was Tsukishima after all. He looked over to her desperately, hoping to see that she was understanding what he was trying to say. She wasn’t. 

Tsukishima was starting to get frustrated. He knew he wasn’t the greatest at communicating but how hard was it to see how much he liked her? Yamaguchi saw it, hell, even his upperclassmen teased him about it when they first saw Tsukishima and Y/N walking out of class together one day. So why did other people who didn’t need to know it, why did they understand but she didn’t? Why was she so dense? 

You’re not saying anything, his mind reminded him as he scowled to himself.

“It has to be that,” Tsukishima finally continued quietly, his eyes now staring at his feet. He was practically trying to convince himself now. It had to be that there was a health related issue with him being around her. It had to be that, because if it wasn’t, it meant that Tsukishima had to tell her how he felt. And that meant that he was probably going to end up hurt. Why a girl like Y/N hung around a guy like him anyways was beyond him. 

“Why?” Y/N frowned, still terribly lost in the cosmos of this odd confession. “Why would it have to be that?”

“Because if it isn’t that, then it means that I’ve fallen completely head over heels for you.”

Tsukishima wasn’t sure how he had managed to say the words. But there it was. His fists tightened even more, his fingernails digging into his palm so hard it was starting to hurt. 

His eyes closed tightly, turning his head away from her. He didn’t want to look. He didn’t want to see laughter or disgust in her eyes. Maybe he could take it back now. Maybe he could-

Tsukishima jumped at the feeling of a poke on his chest, his eyes opening in surprise when he found Y/N standing much closer than she was earlier. “Are you teasing me?” She asked defensively, squinting her eyes up at him.

“T-Teasing?” Tsukishima stammered. He watched her eyes, noting how visibly upset she looked and he could feel his frustration rising. He had finally said what he had wanted to say this whole time... and she wasn’t even reacting the way she was supposed to. How stupid did she have to be? And why did she have to look so damn cute while doing it?

“Yamaguchi-san told you, didn’t he? I knew that poophead couldn’t keep his mouth shut,” she grumbled, crossing her arms against her chest. “He swore he wouldn’t tell you, but I should’ve known. You guys are best friends and all.”

“Told me... told me what?”

“That I’ve liked you practically since we met,” Y/N huffed, putting her hands on her hips. “Listen, Tsukishima-san, if you don’t like me back, you don’t have to tease me like this. I’m perfectly fine being rejected,” she told him with a pout on her lips (she was definitely not fine being rejected, and was planning on crying at home after this). “Don’t act like you didn’t know.”

Tsukishima‘s eyes widened, staring at her like she had grown a second head. “You... You like me?” He gulped. His allergies must be getting worse, his heart was thumping so hard against his chest, he couldn’t think straight.

Y/N and him shared a confused look for a moment, neither one of them sure who was teasing whom at this point. “Didn’t... didn’t you know? That’s why you’re being nice to me?” She asked him, poking his chest again. “Why else would you be walking me home and buying me juice?”

“Why would...” Tsukishima’s lips curled into a smile and suddenly he burst out into laughter, tilting his head back in amusement. 

“Why are you laughing?” Y/N whined, punching his arm lightly with a huff. “This isn’t a time to be laughing at me!”

Tsukishima straightened up with his signature cocky smile, shaking his head as he fixed his glasses on his face. Then, his hand moved to hit the top of her head.

“OW! Tsukishima-san!”

“You idiot. Why would I be standing here confessing to you if I was just going to make fun of you?” Tsukishima scoffed, smirking at her. “If I didn’t like you back and I found out you liked me, don’t you think I would’ve made it clear by now that you never stood a chance?”

Y/N thought about this for a moment, remembering that one time a girl in a different class had confessed to him after attending one of his matches.

“I think you’re incredible, Tsukishima-san! A-And I just.... well I just...”

“Are you trying to confess to me?” Tsukishima didn’t even bother looking up from his study book, finishing an equation before even glancing at her. “You should just give up now. I’m not interested.”

The girl had teared up so much, even Y/N had felt bad (even though she was secretly happy that Tsukishima hadn’t accepted the confession). Yamaguchi had yelled at Tsukishima about being gentle that day.

“Why would I be nice to someone stupid enough to think I’d like them? I didn’t give her any hints that I did, I don’t even know her,” Tsukishima grumbled.

Y/N had internalized those words, deciding she wouldn’t confess her feelings to Tsukishima ever. If she did, and Tsukishima rejected her, he probably wouldn’t want to be around her as friends ever again.

“So...” Y/N thought to herself for a moment, trying to reexamine what had happened today. “What was with the juice box then?” She asked him. 

“I thought...” Tsukishima frowned a little, looking up at the sky in thought. “I thought when you confess you were supposed to... give a gift or something.”

Y/N couldn’t help but giggle at his thought process and Tsukishima glared at her slightly. “You’re laughing at me now?”

She shook her head quickly, trying to stifle her giggles, “I just... I think it’s sweet,” she beamed, holding onto her little juice box even though it was empty now.

Tsukishima watched her carefully before smiling a little, patting her head gently, “Alright then, let’s get you home. I’ll bring another juice box for you for our date.”

“D-Date?” Y/N repeated shyly, following him as he started to walk again.

“You thought I’d just confess to you and not ask you out? Idiot,” Tsukishima smirked, feeling such an intense relief on his shoulders. His heart was still beating furiously and his stomach felt like it was going to come up his throat, but... it wasn’t as frustrating of a feeling now. 

After he dropped her off at her house with the promise of walking her to school tomorrow morning, Tsukishima couldn’t help but allow himself to smile widely the whole way home. 

If this is what an allergy felt like, he never wanted it to stop.

** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

Okay like I mentioned up there in the Author’s Notes, this is my first time writing for Haikyuu so lmk what you thought :) I’ve written some stuff for OHSHC and I think it’s pretty obviously that tall jerks with glasses are my type lol 

Anyways! Enjoy!

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