#shannon please set me free

[asexual-juliet]

when will god let me stop caring about keeper of the lost cities

#kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #started reading in sixth grade all my friends fell off during freshman year of high school and i am fully a sophomore in college #shannon please set me free

[howlsmovinglibrary]

Top 5 Books of 2023!

I don't know if this blog even counts as a book blog anymore, but this year I read 60 books, which is twice as many as last year (and therefore also double my 2023 Reading Goal). I'm so pleased to have overcome my three year reading slump that has plagued me since Covid, and wanted to celebrate by... yknow. Actually doing a book blog post lmao. So here are my five favourite books of 2023!

1) Emily Wilde's Encyclopedia of Faeries by Heather Fawcett

Not only was this book written Specifically For Me (faeries, rivals-to-lovers, academia), I just think it's a really good example of a cosy fantasy that is well-written and well-paced. The vibes are wholesome and fanfic-adjacent, but that doesn't mean that nothing happens. I'm not a fan of the new 'cosy' subgenre generally, but I think this book combined the right amount of comfort with action.

2) The Thousand Eyes by AK Larkwood

I read the Serpent Gates duology this year, and while the first book was good, the second book was just overwhelmingly brilliant. I loved the way this author manages time and character development - we follow all the characters for decades of their lives, so the final heroic triumphs in each of their stories just... hit different. It was such a wonderful book series, that left me feeling inspired to write.

3) The Adventures of Amina Al-Sirafi by Shannon Chakraborty

I love Shannon Chakraborty's writing generally, but it was really fun (after the slowburn pining of the City of Brass books) to give her a far less pious and brazen heroine that resulted in an entirely different tone of story from her previous trilogy! I loved the narration and plot of this novel, also obsessed with this pirate milf and her demon boyfriend.

4) A House With Good Bones by T Kingfisher

I love T Kingfisher but I've never been able to get all the way through one of her horror books before - idk why, I just don't tend to vibe. But this book, which leaned more towards Gothic horror, twisted to fit a modern setting, was so gripping - I read it all in one sitting. I love the funky little bug archaeologist protagonist, who's first sign that her house is haunted is the fact that there are no insects in her mother's garden.

5) You and Me On Vacation by Emily Henry

I went on a beach holiday for the first time since Covid and proceeded to devour every single fucking book Emily Henry had ever written. Although I loved all of them, You and Me On Vacation was the one written Specifically For Me, which was surprising given that the other two most popular releases by her are about books (oh well...mutual pining, my beloved).

Special Mentions:

Wintersmith by Terry Pratchett

I read all of the Tiffany Aching books for the first time this year, based on a diagnosis from a pal that Wintersmith would be 'my' Terry Pratchett book. Reader, she was right... (which says more about me as a person than I'd like).

If anyone wants to give me any recs for good books they read this year, feel free to reply to this post!

#booklr #bookish posts #book tag #2023 reads #best books of 2023 #emily wilde's encyclopaedia of faeries #the thousand eyes #the serpent gates #the adventures of amina al-sirafi #a house with good bones #emily henry

[essaysbyciara]

so about 'Mea Culpa'...

spoilers under the cut (...but honestly, i don't think you should care to have it come spoiled (because it's that [REDACTED] but this is me being nice to y'all because i love y'all...)

Tyler Perry must be thrown under a jail stat.

I've been on this site for a damn long minute and I PROMISE YOU that most of y'all would've written me a HEATER of a story starring a high-powered defense attorney who wants to fuck her sexy-ass, philandering, morally-questionable client who may or may not have killed somebody.

like, listen...

please explain this plot with her brother-in-law. i left with more questions than answers. did he set Zyair up because he slept with his wife? what does the brother have to do with it? him losing his job and going to rehab added absolutely nothing to the plot. and then all of a sudden, he's in on the plot to set up Zyair? because Mea slept with him? but he didn't find that out until close to the end. OR DID HE KNOW? TYLER, THIS MAKES NO SENSE! why would you throw in that the Moms faked her cancer? that had nothing to do with the story. and why bring in my girl M-I-CROOKED LETTER-CROOKED LETTER for Chuculissa (get you a check, Shannon. i ain't mad) into the story? WHY IS THIS MOVIE TWO HOURS?!

there were plot-holes the size of Free Willy, like... come on. how did the blood and body fragments of shorty get into Zyair apartment. how did they get into his apartment (what a nice-ass apartment).

As for Trevante. I know a lot has been made about him being in this movie. I will say that he tried his best. he's hella delectable in this. he played this as well as he could since the source material set him up for failure. obviously, after Moonlight, he was supposed to be that dude but it's clear he's running from that limelight and i guess i can't be mad. i just want better for his sexy-ass.

and speaking of ass ... that sex scene was a-ight. but there's something about Tyler trying to get into his BDSM bag that... eww, gross. it was written from the perspective of someone who reads too many horrible Wattpad stories and like, we really need to stop linking psychopathic behavior and deviancy with BDSM. not everyone with a kink wants to kill you.

anyway, i would watch drunk if you can. grab a bottle, grab your girls, have a night. i watched this alone and sober thus i set myself up for failure. enjoyed seeing trevante's face. and kelly's pantsuits.

#SIGH. #TYLER PERRY MUST BE STOPPED.

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

I noticed that your older fics tend to lean towards dom eddie/ sub buck while the more recent ones are switch buddie (which I love) so I was wondering if something in the show made you see/interpretate the characters differently or if your own writing preferences changed or if I'm reading way too much into everything

You're not reading too much into it and I'm honestly pleased and flattered that you paid enough attention to my writing to notice!

Yes, as the show has gone on, and we've learned more about the characters, I've come to the conclusion that Buddie would be more switches. I think it's natural that as you learn more about the characters that you shift how you write them - in my earliest fics for example I had the headcanon that Eddie would have had some (young inexperienced and fumbling) experiences with men, and that he'd be more into casual sex. Now I headcanon based on his behavior that he's more demisexual and wouldn't have really any sexual experience besides Shannon because of that need for emotional connection. I originally thought Buck would realize his feelings first, but given how season five went and then Eddie's reactions to Buck in season six I'm now of the opinion that Eddie realized his feelings a while ago and has been ignoring them while Buck, bless him, is fucking oblivious.

Anyway those are just two examples of how as a show goes on and you learn more about a character you shift your headcanons and perceptions about them. So yes! I've shifted in my views of how the boys would be in bed.

I do think that Buck would overall be more submissive and when he's domming, do so more as a service dom - Buck likes to know he's doing a good job and being there for the people he loves, and so domming for him would be about knowing he's giving Eddie what he needs, rather than enjoying being in control.

For Eddie, someone who has constantly in his life scrambled for control and had it yanked from him, I think he'd still overall prefer to be in charge, at least at first, and I think that'd only be submissive to someone he really deeply trusts. However given everything in season five I think he'd also find being submissive to be incredibly freeing if it's with someone he can trust to love him and hold him (metaphorically), and Buck is that person. Eddie is very much a caretaker and likes to feel he's trusted (lack of trust in his abilities is a huge issue in his relationship with his parents for example) so I think he'd really like domming Buck and seeing how much Buck trusts him to take care of him. It was really season five for me that gave me the shift in feeling Eddie would be submissive at times, given his whole arc with his trauma. I think given how important it was in his arc for Eddie to admit he loses control sometimes and needs help, submitting would be important for him as well. He'd just be pickier about it.

In other words - I think Buck's instinct in bed is submit, but he ultimately shifts to reflect what his partner wants/needs (and headcanon it's probably led to him being sexually unfulfilled before - how many times has someone wanted him to just pick them up and rail them and play that Big Strong Guy when that's not who Buck is?) and would also find fulfillment in giving Eddie what he needs because he likes doing that for his loved ones. And I think Eddie's instinct is to dom, for multiple reasons, but that submitting to someone he loves and trusts would also by very fulfilling and enjoyable.

Ergo, they switch! LOL

I think also in most sexual relationships when you're not explicitly sceneing (i.e. planning a scenario out with set roles) there's a certain fluidity to the roles of who's submitting and who's dominating. So there's that as well, it's not always gonna be clear cut who's in what role and it's going to move back and forth. Y'know?

Anyway that was an extremely long-winded answer ha ha but I'm delighted you noticed that shift! One's art is continuously evolving and when one is writing for the same characters over the years (four and counting for Buddie in my case) while continuously getting more information about them and seeing them in new situations and so on as we get with each new season/episode, there's definite shifts in one's portrayal of those characters. I'm flattered that anyone would pay attention enough to pick up on the ways in which mine's evolved.

#mads answers things #mads writes stuff

[0shewrites0]

Chat to your fav LI’s | LITG edition

Will update as new LI’s come in!

If you have a request for a LI you’d like to chat to (female or male!) please send me (@0shewrites0) or @libelle949 an ask 🤍

If you have a request for another fandom (like RC for example) send them in too! @libelle949 and I will do our best to set all of them up step by step 🥰

LI’s available to chat with so far (30+):

Just tap on the character you want to chat with!

Angie Chandrasekhar

29. paramedic. scorpio. tattoos. proud lesbian.

Arjun Khatri (by anon)

24. dog groomer. influencer. loves cheeky winks.

Bobby McKenzie

24. baker. happy kiddo. loves to laugh. weirdo.

Bruno Kaminski by @libelle949

25. standup comedian. jokester. sweet. positive.

Carl Sullivan

29. tech entrepreneur. geeky. loyal. quiet.

Chelsea Edwards by @notaviirgo

24. interior decorator. charismatic. fun. diva.

Dylan (whatever) (by anon)

28. swansea. ambitious. pro volleyball player.

Eddie Harris (villain!)

24. model. feminist. no time for boring. flirty.

Gary’s Nan

73. charity work. temper of thunder. heart of gold.

Gary Rennell

23. crane operator. down to earth. blokey bloke.

Harry Zhong

21. student. nerdy and proud. gamer. ambitious.

Hazeem Salmani by @notaviirgo

25. landscaper. plant daddy. early exitee himself.

Henrik Bergstrom

23. climbing instructor. relaxed. goofy. weirdo.

Hope Biala by @notaviirgo

26. retail ambassador. hotter than a spark.

Iain Stirling by @mrsbsmooth

hilarious narrator locked in shed. has got tea to spill.

Jake Wilson by @mrsbsmooth

29. chef. strong silent type. deeply romantic.

Jakub Zabinski by @ariendiel

*grunt*

Johnny by @libelle949

21. theater student. drama king. momma’s boy.

Kassam Maleek

26. DJ. cynical. cold. passionate about music.

Lottie Campbell by @notaviirgo

24. makeup artist. obsessed with the color black. dramatic.

Lucas Koh

27. physiotherapist. passionate. loves danger.

Marisol Lopez Trujillo by @notaviirgo

24. law student. latina goddess who likes both genders

Noah Alexander by @ariendiel

25. librarian from romford. loves books. quiet.

Oliver Tan

26. tattoo artist. drama-free. “friendly giant”.

Priya Kumar by @notaviirgo

29. real estate agent. bisexual bad gyal.

Suresh (Frazer) (by anon)

27. an Edinburgh based corporate lawyer. wanderlust.

Tai Kahu

28. rugby coach. proud kiwi. 193cm of love.

Tim Burton (Big T)

23. DJ. wannabe rapper. loyal. funny. short king.

Tom Beresford-King by @notaviirgo

22. finance worker. people’s prince. little bit nervous.

Willem (Will) Kimura by @libelle949

26. artist. free spirit. creative. aloof. cute.

Youcef Nassiri by @libelle949

27. french. model. charming man. philosopher.

Characters by @thisiskhayeanne - tap here to get to them!

Rocco, Hannah, Blake, Elisa, Shannon, Ibrahim, Jo, Meera

#litg #love island the game #litg all seasons #chat to your fav LI’s #character ai #reblog so everyone sees this! ❤️

[birgittesilverbae]

Bealith: piercing

The buzz of Lilith's contraband phone skittering across her desktop sets Beatrice's teeth on edge. The discordant noise drives right through the whispered monotone of Beatrice's voice as she reads her notes back to herself.

"Can you turn that off, please?" she asks sharply after the third interruption.

"Hmm?" Lilith swivels in her desk chair, attention still fixed mostly on the cue cards in her hands.

"The phone," Beatrice clarifies. As if on cue, the phone vibrates a fourth time. Lilith pins it to the desk, but that only serves to make the sound more piercing. Beatrice rocks forwards and presses the pads of her thumbs into her temples. "Please," she grits out, almost an afterthought.

"It's just Shannon."

"It's not about who you're texting, it's–" Again, sharp and jarring, sending frissons of discomfort down her spine. She hunches in on herself, sucking in a shuddering breath, and shifts her thumbs to each tragus, pressing them firmly down over her ear canals.

Lilith's voice is muted, now, drawn quiet and unsteady through her plugged ears. "Bea?" A hand lands on Beatrice's shoulder, heavy and painful as it sparks at overstimulated nerves, and she flinches away so violently her elbow smashes against the edge of her desk. 

Lilith must retreat, but Beatrice pays her no heed, focusing instead on regulating her breathing, calming the rise and fall of her chest back down to a steady rhythm. She inhales deeply through her nose, allows herself to sit in the comfort of the stretch of her lungs, the firm press of her fingertips to her ears. Steady, steady, steady. Back to studying. She had to get back to studying. But the sheer noise of that phone vibration seems to have carved itself into Beatrice's bones.

There's contact again. Knee this time. Okay. Bearable. Beatrice cracks her eyes open, finds Lilith looking back at her, eyes sorrowful. Not pitying, at least. Small mercies. Lilith tentatively hefts the case she holds cradled in her lap, unzips it and tips it towards Beatrice. 

Beatrice's throat constricts ever so slightly, and she swallows hard against it, wets her lips. "For me?" she asks, her voice made distant, alien, even to herself. 

Lilith nods and frees the headphones from the case, unfolds them. May I?, she mouths, and Beatrice nods stiffly, letting her hands fall away from her ears.

Sound floods back in like a tidal wave in the moments before Lilith leans forward and slips the headphones over her ears and then–

Silence. Her mouth drops open and she touches a tentative hand to the shell of one earphone. Silence, blessed silence 

"Active noise cancellation," Lilith explains, her cheeks gone pink in the afternoon sun. "I'd hoped it would– They were meant to be your birthday–"

"Thank you," Beatrice cuts in, and Lilith's relief at the interruption is almost palpable. Beatrice reaches up to trace a finger over the plane of Lilith's cheek, follows the bow of Lilith's lips with her thumb. "Thank you."

#ask #cowboycatd #ty davey love u davey #myfic #mywn #fic: dads #beatrice x lilith #warrior nun

[aseriesofsmallthings]

Hello!

Welcome to my writeblr! I'm very new to this whole thing, and while I have *had* tumblr for a while now, I've never actually used it, so please bear with me :)

About my writing

I started out writing fanfic and short stories over a decade ago (ouch, now I feel old) and am hoping someday to become a published novelist. I mostly write horror, fantasy, and dystopian fiction, (with romance often playing quite a big role), though I am incapable of resisting dabbling in other genres too from time to time. A lot of my writing tends to deal with themes of loss, mental illness, suffering, and the inevitability of the human condition. In a bid to see myself and others like me represented more widely in the media, my longer fiction works often include neurodiverse, disabled and lgbt+ characters.

About me!

First things first, my name is Shannon, though online I mostly go by Shay. Feel to free use either :)

Now, a few fun little facts to break up those hefty chunks of writing (make the most of it, this might be the last time in a while).

I'm from, and currently live in, the UK. And I use she/they pronouns.

I'm a (twenty-something year old) child living an adult's life. And I am not having fun. Please, send help.

My reading tastes tend to be quite similar to my writing, in that I'll read just about anything I deem interesting in most genres but my preferences lie in dystopia and fantasy.

I have ADHD and a whole host of other funky little brain things that keep writing (and life) all that much more fun! On a serious note, this may mean I'll disappear from time to time and posts may not always be consistent. (It also means interactions may be somewhat difficult for me, so again, please bear with me :)

I'm an amateur field hockey player with no other interest in sport besides playing it.

I have studied creative writing at uni briefly but I'm currently in the midst of switching to a social sciences and anthropology degree - expect a little academia related content maybe.

I'm a fur-parent - pictures may follow (they definitely will) of my little demon child.

I love to travel (especially solo) and often take a lot of inspiration for my writing from my little adventures, from setting and plot ideas to character development and world-building. Also, train journeys have proven quite fruitful in producing some pretty solid sentences... that have yet to be of further use.

A few pictures (below) from my most recent solo trip.

I also occasionally play video games, listen to an unhealthy amount of rock music, obsess over fictional characters (other than my own), and partake in multiple other creative pastimes, most of which get abandoned rather unceremoniously (thank you, ADHD).

About my writeblr

My username 'a series of small things' comes from one of my favourite Van Gogh quotes; "great things are not done all at once, but by a series of small things brought together", which I think is really apt, not only as a writer but also just in everyday life too. Also, inspite being rather artistically inept myself, I have a fondness for ol' Vinny, which makes the quote even more perfect.

I hope to use this space as a way to start getting my original work out into the world and to hopefully make some like-minded friends along the way too! I'll mostly be posting some of my short stories and progress reports on my longer wips, but may also post some poetry and other random ramblings from time to time.

Feel free to ask me any questions and interact with me :)

#writerscommunity #writeblr #fantasy writer #writers #writerscorner #queer fiction #writer things #writers on tumblr #neurodivergent #adhd writer #new blog

[laurfilijames]

What is your favorite Pete Dunham moment and why? Also, please could you rank your GSE member favorites in order.

Look at you just strutting into my ask box with the two most difficult questions!!

As you're well aware, every Pete Dunham moment is my favourite moment...

But if I HAVE to choose, it has to be at the beginning when he shows up to Steve and Shannon's and meets Matt for the first time. He's drunk, cocky, and being a total prick but in a loving way, and it makes me smile every damn time.

"Jesus, Shannon, you look rough...."

Then singing to his nephew Ben 🥹 and when he explains how he's meant to be going to the match but lost his wallet and his keys...

And then of course the "Fineeee thanksss" in his mocking American accent that makes me grin so hard my cheeks hurt.

I really like how this scene set you up to think that he is a complete irresponsible hooligan, only to realize later that's not at all the case. Fooled me the first time I watched it!

Ugh. Everything about him makes me lose my mind.

AS FOR THE LADS.

I already told you this was like picking a favourite kid and I feel a bit guilty for it, but here we go.

Swill just like Pete, if I have a shit day, the minute I see this lunatic beating the piss out of someone with a rubbish bin and screaming c*nt- I'm fixed. He is just too funny. He also cares so much about his mates (see: him checking on Ike when he gets that bad cut on his head) and also was incredibly welcoming to Matt. He's clearly passionate about anything he's involved in from fighting to discussions about the people portrayed in films getting rightfully credited 🤣 and I don't think there would ever be a dull moment being around him.

Ned I don't know what it is about this one, but he makes me go 🥰🥰🥰🥰 he's hilariously cocky and has a bit of that "I'm small but tough" personality, and when he realizes that Matt never mentioned him in his journal he is GUTTED 💔 it's okay, Ned, I'll give you a hug.

Dave Ahh the Pilot. Forever responsible and caring, and has the warmest aura about him. To me, he feels like the "Big Brother" of the group. He always buys the rounds, and ALWAYS has Pete's back even when some of the others begin to falter. The fact that he will get into a scrap and then go fly a commercial jet with bruises on his face and vice versa with landing his plane and getting his pilots uniform all bloody is BDE, and I'm sure you'll be happy to tell me more about that 😉

Ike He seems to me as a very ordinary lad. Not one to stand out. Kind of hangs in the middle of the group. He's neutral, Switzerland. I see some of myself in that. Not interested in confrontation, and is always there for his mates to share pints or take down the next firm. I like that he's married, but I gotta admit he needs a new hair do.

Bovver Ohhhh Bov. I have complicated feelings about this one. He majorly fucked up. His jealously toward Matt was not at all warranted, and despite Pete trying to ease his ill-will toward him, he chose not to trust his best mate which inevitably lead to The Thing™️ we do not talk about. I do think that despite that mistake, Bov is loyal (to a fault) and would do anything for his mates (see: the end before the part we do not talk about when he shows up to help Pete and saves Shannon) I like to think that he would quickly redeem himself and would easily be forgiven by his mates, which is what I have chosen to go with in my fic where The Thing™️ does not happen and they all realize that life is too short for such pettiness.

Keith I feel bad putting him last on the list but, we really don't have much to go on with Keith other than his dodgy hair cut (do him and Ike have the same deranged barber??) Just like some of the other ones though, I like that we got a glimpse of him in a normal working environment that contrasts to the insanity of the hobby they participate in their free time. He never had many lines in the film, but I do love his "so he's a Yank and an undercover journo... looks like we'll have to give the boy two funerals." when him, Ned and Bov are being all gangster in his car to confront the situation.

In conclusion, I love them all dearly, and want to hug them and give them a forehead smooch.

Also, I think it's a given that Pete is my number one forever and always which is why I didn't include him in the ranking...

Thank you for sending me this when I've been poorly and needing something to make me smile and for giving me another excuse to go on about them more than I already do 💗💗

#I could talk about the GSE forever #I love them so much #green street hooligans #the GSE #green street elite #pete dunham

[middleearthpixie]

Wanted Man ~ Chapter Nine

Summary: A price on his head, Loki of Asgard finds himself stranded on Earth and in need of one woman's help in order to free himself from the bounty and try to reclaim what he sees as his rightful throne in Asgard.

McKenna Carlin just wanted to put a horrible day behind her. She had no idea that things would get worse before they get better…

Pairings:  Loki Laufeyson x ofc McKenna Carlin

Characters: McKenna, Loki, Shannon

Warnings: None

Rating: T

Word Count: 1.6

Tag List: @fizzyxcustard @court-jobi @guardianofrivendell @piggledy-higgledy @evenstaredits

If you’d like to be added (or removed) to the tag list, please just let me know!

Previous chapters can be found here! 

The boardwalk was just as crowded as McKenna thought it would be, and Shannon ended up dropping them off by the pier while she went in search of a parking space. Almost an hour passed before she called McKenna to find out just where they were, and by the time she reached them at the Shack, she looked as if she’d hiked five miles.

“I swear, I’m parked up in Asbury,” she groaned, plunking down onto a cracked red leatherette stool. “What is that?” she asked, gesturing to the red plastic cup in Loki’s grasp.

McKenna chuckled. “I bought him a milkshake because he’d never had one before and now, I think he’s in love.”

“He’s never had a milkshake before?”

“That’s what he says.”

“What flavor did you get him?” Shannon asked, trying to peer into the tall cup.

“Chocolate,” McKenna chuckled as Loki didn’t so much as pause in his sipping. “It’s his third one.”

“His third?!” Shannon’s eyes almost popped out of their sockets. “Careful, big guy, you’re not gonna fit into your jeans come tomorrow.”

McKenna glanced over at him with a wide smile. When he took the first pull on the straw, the expression on his face suggested a man experiencing the greatest pleasure he’s ever known. She thought for a moment he might actually cry. After the second one, he immediately demanded a third. Hopefully she’d be able to convince him to stop before he made himself sick.

He lowered the cup and smiled at Shannon. “I don’t think that will be a problem.”

“What can I get for you, miss?” The guy behind the counter approached them with a smile.

McKenna swirled her straw in her Coke as Shannon said, “A Diet Coke, please.”

Loki held out the cup to McKenna. “Try this. You must see for yourself.”

“I’ve had chocolate shakes before.”

“You have?”

”Loki, you can find them pretty much anywhere, so yeah, I have. Trust me.”

“Please,” his eyes softened, “try.”

“Fine.” She leaned over to sip. The Shack’s shakes were good, but if she had one, she probably wouldn’t fit into her jeans. She already felt guilty about the Coke. She should’ve ordered water, instead.

Still, the shake was delicious and Loki must have seen the pleasure on her face, because he said, “One more of these for the lady.”

“Oh, no,” McKenna waved off the suggestion, “I shouldn’t. But thank you.”

To her surprise, Loki leaned over and whispered, “You have a ways to go before you need worry about fitting in those jeans, McKenna.”

What the—? She gave him an odd look. “Are you all right?”

He sat back, all wide-eyed innocent, and sipped his shake some more. 

The guy behind the counter set the shake in front of her and she couldn’t help but lift the straw to her lips. Delicious.

Shannon gave her a look over the edge of her glass, but then she winked and McKenna rolled her eyes. Maybe sugar was to Asgardians what alcohol was to human beings. How funny would it be, if Loki was drunk because of three milkshakes?

But if he was, he hid it well and when they finished, he rose from the stool without the slightest hint of a stumble and his words weren’t at all slurred as he said, “So, where do we go from here?”

Shannon smiled. “Let’s just walk around and kill some time. Plenty to do on the boards.”

They spent the remainder of the afternoon walking the midway, Shannon insisted on going on the carousel so they did that. Turned out that was a poor decision, as those three milkshakes came back to haunt Loki and when they got off the ride, he looked decidedly green. But thankfully he held the shakes down by collapsing onto a bench and sitting with his head between his knees while Shannon ran for a ginger ale.

McKenna sat with him, outwardly sympathetic, inwardly hoping like hell he didn’t throw up while they waited. But the ginger ale did the trick and a short while later, they were back to roaming about, although he shunned any more rides, which was fine with McKenna. 

Finally, it grew dark and Shannon shoved through the crowd that gathered to watch the fireworks. They moved toward the back of the masses, which was fine with McKenna. She hated crowds. They always made her feel like she was about to suffocate.

She stood next to Shannon, Loki stood behind her, and when the first fireworks were shot off, the sky exploded into a shower of pink and purple sparklers. Then came a burst of brilliant white, cascading sparklers that reminded her of the butterflies that had flittered about in her apartment. Damn. It seemed like a lifetime ago that Loki made the snow fall and butterflies flutter, and yet, it was only a couple of days.

She glanced over her shoulder at him. He stood rigid, arms folded over his chest, eyes trained at the black night sky. As the green and gold sparklers lit up the night, the colors reflected against his skin, the sparkles reflected in his eyes. Green and gold. His colors.

He didn’t look at her. Didn’t look anywhere but at the sky, and a sense of sadness crept over her. It was silly, but more than anything, she wanted to reach back and slip her hand into his, to lace her fingers with his. It really sucked, wanting someone who made it so plain they didn’t want you back.

Purple and white burst overhead and she blinked back unexpected, annoying tears. What the—? How annoying. How absolutely annoying.

Then, she felt movement behind her, and Loki's right arm came from the shadows to slip about her neck. He tugged gently, bending her slightly backward, and his voice was a gentle breeze against her ear as he whispered, “I apologize for my words last evening. I meant not a one of them.”

She peered over her shoulder at him. “What?”

As red and white stars rained over their heads, Loki's eyes softened and the corners of his mouth curved upward into a sheepish smile. “I am sorry. I was unnecessarily harsh. I should like a chance to rectify that.” 

As he spoke, his left arm came about her as well and he pulled her firmly up against him. For a moment, it was so much like how he held her in her dream, that she looked up at him again and said, “You did this last night, didn’t you? I wasn’t dreaming, was I?”

“About what?”

“This.”

“I haven’t a clue what you’re talking about. I spent the night crammed onto that tiny sofa.”

Shannon twisted about, and beamed when she saw Loki with his arms about McKenna. She winked and mouthed, “Told you,” before turning back to the fireworks.

McKenna didn’t feel much like arguing. Besides, it didn’t really matter if she’d only dreamed it or not. This felt wonderful enough in its own right, as the coolness from his body made the sticky heat of an early July night far more bearable. But that wasn’t the only reason. Not by far. Amazing, really, how someone’s arms about you could feel so perfect.

She leaned more into him, and he responded by tightening his hold on her. His fingers swept gently along her arms and she sucked in a sharp breath when she felt her ponytail swept aside and Loki's lips brushed the side of her neck, just above where it sloped into her shoulder.

They were cool and gentle, and a bit playful, as he lightly nipped her. She shivered. She couldn’t help it. He did it again, and this time, she let out a soft laugh and managed to turn and smile up at him. “What are you doing?”

“You don’t seem to mind,” he replied over the burst of purple and green sparklers. “Should I stop?”

She eased her arms about his waist, her hands flat against the solid planes of muscle on either side of his spine. “Is that what you do in Asgard? Bite?”

“Did I do it too hard for you? I can be gentler, you know.”

He towered over her, his dark hair falling forward, made even curlier by the damp ocean air. A smile played at his lips, his eyes sparkled with mischief. The God of Mischief, and she was falling under his spell as easily as an undertow could sweep her out to sea.

“I thought you said you didn’t want to kiss me?” she asked softly.

“And I thought you were going to remember your place?” he asked with the same flirtatiousness he’d used on Shannon.

“I can.” She moved to break his hold on her.

“Absolutely not,” he growled, yanking her back. “It’s not in my nature to deny myself of something I want so much.”

Those words rippled through her with enough force to make her toes curl into her flip-flops. And with those words, he leaned into her. This time, he would kiss her and she urged him into it by pressing into his back as hard as she could with only her hands.

She never heard the crowd move. Never heard anything over the burst of fireworks overhead. But then, there came a bright flash, a burst of white light, and Loki was ripped out of her embrace with a loud groan as he shot across the boardwalk and crashed into a game stand.

“What the fuck?” Shannon snapped as two men clad entirely in black rushed to them and grabbed both her and McKenna by the arms, tugging them even further away.

A third man stepped up, holding what looked like a bazooka in both hands. Unlike the other two, he was not dressed in black fatigues, but in a staid blue or black suit. He raised the gun, pointing it squarely at a still-very-stunned-looking Loki and said, “Shall I do that again?”

#Loki #Loki Fanfic #Loki x ofc #Tom Hiddleston #Thor #Romance #Is it hot in here? #Jersey girl #Marvel #Marvel fanfic

[mcalhenwrites]

Post-Seasons details #2

Read #1 here Again, spoilers for the ending of Seasons are ahead, so please be careful proceeding beyond the read-more line. ;)

Bee's house that he shares with Pierce is relatively small and quaint, and I imagine it decorated a lot like my paternal grandmother's house (and her sister's house, too, and some of her friends we would visit when she had me for the day when I was little). Basically, yes, all those craft-store project type decorations, some plants in some windows, stuff like that. ...But then I'm about to tell you Bee and Pierce met at a club that caters specifically to kinksters, from spankos to abdl and such, and their kinks are somewhat evident in the house too. Yes, more than just that paddle on the wall! Bee and Pierce will eventually have cats. They'll keep them indoors (spirits are very good about this for environmental protection reasons), but Bee has tons of bird feeders and such set up in his backyard. Bee is the child closest to Vivian (barring Jacy from this bc she's got a different childhood experience) and Graham (who is his favorite father). While Vivian travels with Phineas regularly for a while, he always returns to the orchard with Phineas, and Bee would spend the most time with him. Vivian is rarely at Bee's house once Pierce and Bee buy it, and when he tries to drop by, Bee has to hurry to hide any signs of his kink ASAP in a panic :') (They don't have to worry about Graham visiting very often, since his health won't allow him to walk long distances, and he doesn't drive.) Bee is closest to Shannon in adulthood than any of his other siblings! Shannon was usually the one who would take (younger) Bee to visit Vivian when he was in town. He's also the one who helped Bee get into college and learn how to juggle his bills. (btw feel free to send asks if you have further questions or want more details! just be wary of spoiling too much in the ask itself in case others haven't finished Seasons!)

[educated-dumbass]

Sapphic Book Masterlist

Quick Key:

🌻= found on Readanybook for free

🍄= I’ve read and recommend

🥀= on my tbr list

🌈= Send me an ask or direct message with this emoji and the book you want and I can likely find it in digital format for free. Be aware it is less secure than the Readanybook site. Please clarify if you’re using a phone or a laptop/computer. (Not including graphic novels)

Fantasy:

A Dowry of Blood by S.T. Gibson 🍄

Black Water Sister by Zen Cho 🍄

Darling by K. Ancrum 🍄

Elatsoe by Darcie Little Badger

Girl, Serpent, Thorn by Melissa Bashardoust 🌻

Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan 🍄

In the Vanishers’ Palace by Aliette de Bodard 🍄

Inkmistress by Audrey Coulthurst

She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan

Sofi and the Bone Song by Adrienne Tooley

The Black God's Drums by P. Djèlí Clark

The Chosen and the Beautiful by Nghi Vo

The Dark Tide by Alicia Jasinska

The Gloaming by Kirsty Logan 🍄

The Mermaid, the Witch, and the Sea by Maggie Tokuda-Hall

The Midnight Lie by Marie Rutkoski

The Never Tilting World by Rin Chupeco

The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon 🍄 (it’s a bit overhyped but still very good)

The Terracotta Bride by Zen Cho 🌻

The Tiger’s Daughter by K. Arsenault Rivera

The Unbroken by C.L. Clark

The Unspoken Name by A.K. Larkwood

These Feathered Flames by Alexandra Overy

This Poison Heart by Kalynn Bayron

Vessel of Starfire by Allison Carr Waechter

When Women Were Dragons by Kelly Barnhill

Crier's War by Nina Varela

The Bone Shard Daughter by Andrea Stewart

Malice by Heather Walter

Girls at the Edge of the World by Laura Brooke Robson 🥀

Sweet & Bitter Magic by Adrienne Tooley

Each of Us a Desert by Mark Oshiro 🥀

The Midnight Lie by Marie Rutkoski

Amy of the Necromancers by Jimena I. Novaro 🥀

Ice Massacre by Tiana Warner 🥀

The Deep by Rivers Solomon, Daveed Diggs, William Hutson, Jonathan Snipes 🥀

Ghost Walk by Kay Solo 🍄

The River Has Teeth by Erica Waters

Graphic Novels:

The Girl from the Sea by Molly Knox Ostertag

Mooncakes by Suzanne Walker

Snapdragon by Kat Leyh

Tea Dragon Society by Kay O’Neill

Historical Fiction:

Fingersmith by Sarah Waters 🌻🥀

Last Night at the Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo

She Rises by Kate Worsley 🥀

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Re

The Once and Future Witches by Alix E. Harrow

Horror:

Extasia by Claire Legrand

The Final Child by Fran Dorricott 🍄

The Red Tree by Caitlín R. Kiernan

The Sawkill Girls by Claire Legrand 🍄

Where Echoes Die by Courtney Gould

Literary Fiction:

Solo Dance by Li Kotomi 🥀

Mystery:

Far From You by Tess Sharpe

Ghost Wood Song by Erica Waters

Missing, Presumed Dead by Emma Berquist 🥀

Sadie by Courtney Summers

Poetry:

Sappho 🍄🌻

Aphrodite Made Me Do It by Trista Mateer

Romance:

First Position by Melissa Brayden 🍄

Hani and Ishu's Guide to Fake Dating by Adiba Jaigirdar 🥀

Honey Girl by Morgan Rogers

Knit One, Girl Two by Shira Glassman 🥀

She Drives Me Crazy by Kelly Quindlen

Silk & Steel by Janine A. Southard

The Lady's Guide to Celestial Mechanics by Olivia Waite 🥀

The Music and the Mirror by Lola Keeley

The Soft Landing Collection: Sapphic Fantasy and Science Fiction Stories by Jacquelynn Lyon

The War Within by Yolanda Wallace 🍄🌻

You Should See Me in a Crown by Leah Johnson

The Falling in Love Montage by Ciara Smyth

Some Girls Do by Jennifer Dugan

We Are Okay by Nina LaCour

The Henna Wars by Adiba Jaigirdar

Sprinkled in the Stars by Violet Morley

How to Make a Wish by Ashley Herring Blake 🥀

Science Fiction:

A Memory Called Empire by Arkady Martine 🍄

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

Light from Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aoki

That Inevitable Victorian Thing by E.K. Johnston 🥀

The Cybernetic Tea Shop by Meredith Katz 🥀

The Traitor Baru Cormorant by Seth Dickinson 🌻🍄

This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar

We Set the Dark on Fire by Tehlor Kay Mejia 🍄

Compass Rose (Compass Rose #1) by Anna Burke

Light from Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aoki

#booklr #books #bookworm #book recommendations #fantasy #fiction #poetry #science fiction #lgbtq #lgbt #lgbtlove #lesbian #sapphic #sapphic books #bisexual #wlw post #wlw love #dark academia #historical fiction #horror #mystery #graphic novel #romance #vampire #robots #poc rp #disability #bookaddict #long reads #short story

[theoriginalladya]

WIP Wednesday

Still waiting to hear on the status of the hard drive (please be finding all the documents! please be finding all the documents!!!!) but I have had some muses poking bits and pieces at me. Here's a bit from Caleb Shepard's first post war story when he finally gets to go back to Shannon.

~~~~

“An’ jus’ who might you be?”

It was strange being home after so long.  In a way, Caleb felt like an outsider; Irish, yes, yet no longer a native.  The man standing in front of him reminded him of Mr. O’Neill who’d run the corner store when Caleb was young; big and burly, auburn haired with fiery green eyes and a temper that matched, sparking even at just the thought of slighting him.

He'd seen the Greystones take O’Neill out from one of the rooftops.  Unable to hold his anger when they helped themselves to whatever they wanted.  It’d been a message, cold and clear, and stoked that last push that had nearly obliterated the Reds. 

Sighing in frustration at the way he could see tendrils of history trying so hard to repeat itself, Caleb pushed the child behind him, planting himself as a shield between the lad and the conflict.  Well, maybe he could keep things from escalating this time. 

His companion appeared to have other ideas.  “Are you fuckin’ kidding me?”

Caleb threw his free arm out in front of Coats, stopping him before he could move forward.  “Hammersmith –”

“An’ you are?” the older man demanded.  “Last time your kind were here they –”

Coats growled, actually growled, and Caleb grasped hold of his sleeve.  “You bloody bastard!  The Greystones took over London long before they ever set foot on your island!"

"Coats!"

"And you must be blind if you don’t recognize the man who just saved your sorry asses from extinction!”

The child – Tadhg, he’d said – stopped squirming behind him.  The man in front of them frowned, eyes darting between Coats and Caleb, wonder slowly chasing away the disbelief.  A few gasps nearby, hushed voices, but otherwise silence. 

Caleb swallowed tightly.  Yeah, he and Kaidan needed to have a long talk about where to go when they left Shannon.  If this was going to be the way he was greeted every time someone realized who he was, Caleb wasn’t sure he was ready for civilian life yet…

#WIP Wednesday #ladya writes #Caleb Shepard #Major (Ryan) Coats #Tadhg #OTP: Brothers in Arms #mass effect #post-war #Shannon Ireland

[theevangelion]

Are you still active on AO3/will be updating any of your fics there? Or are you patreon only as of right now?

Hello friend, apologies for your long wait on a response! I've had asks switched off for a few months now. I'm going through my old inbox today and I figure I'll answer whatever catches my eyes. So, I'll start here and probably write needlessly verbose responses—thought-piece style—because I'm fucking GROSS like that.

Other than some rest periods when my health is getting dangerously bad (which you may have asked this question during one of said recovery periods earlier this year now I'm thinking about it) I'll always be active and sharing my stories on AO3, Tumblr, or whatever other free websites we (the gays) collectively migrate to in the future, because I'll always be femslash to my dirty, chronically-online core.

Femslash is this chaotic, lawless and gentle thing we write for ourselves and each other. We've done it for decades. We'll do it until we're all dead in our graves. I believe that my femslash works (erotic, kinky, weird, or just erotic weird kinks maybe) are all supposed to go and retire in their completed glory within open and free community domains—no exceptions.

Except for semi-exceptions, I guess? We may as well talk about the elephant in the room. I make money from my writing and the stuff I'm most requested to write, from my Patreon subscribers, is femslash—usually AU prompts. So the stories do go on my Patreon first, and sometimes they stay there for a brief while and sometimes they stay there for longer than long. Then the stories always go out into free-access places like AO3, Tumblr, etc, when I feel happy the story I'm publishing is something along these lines:

It's going to be a complete and finished body of writing for people to enjoy (or hate) start to finish.

It's something I think a 19 year old girl questioning her sexuality—with several AO3 links for weird femslash porn saved on her phone—will excitedly click on faster than you can say: "You're not just an ally, Shannon, stop reading ABO hucow smut on public transport—you're making us all look bad."

It's something with quite sad/deep moments that I think a dyke in need of a cathartic hard cry will feel moved by enough to perhaps text her friend, "This story just punched me in my fucking heart and here I am crying in the club." And then all of a sudden she's talking to her friends and not laying in bed, alone, with the big sad stuck behind her tits with nowhere to go.

TLDR: I will always be active on free-access platforms because femslash is a meal best shared at a big table that the whole family is invited to. Though, the reason I'm able to continue making and sharing these stories—particularly for people who don't have disposable income for escapism—is solely down to the fact I'm paid for my labour. Those people get to read it first, because it's usually their prompts and requests, and they're the only reason I can still do this thing I've been passionately creating for...

Fifteen years now.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Bollocks to Patreon, someone please set me up a Pension?

[parkerbombshell]

Rules Free Radio Dec 20

Tuesdays 2pm - 5pm  EST Rules Free Radio With Steve  Caplan bombshellradio.com On this week's Rules Free Radio, Steve Caplan will continue sprinkling in some music that came out this year. We’ll hear music from a new box set from The Beach Boys of music from their Holland and Carl and The Passions/So Tough period. There will be new and recent music by Dazy, Beth Orton, Falkmore, Sally Dige, The Mike Bell Cartell, Chris Brain, The Reds, Pinks, and Purples, Weyes Blood, The Orielles, Katie Spencer, and a few more. We'll hear classics by Tim Hardin, Tears for Fears, Ricky Nelson, and The Smithereens covering The Beatles, The Pretenders, Elliott Smith, Linda Ronstadt, and a bunch more. We’ll start the second hour remembering Detroit Soul legend J. J. Barnes who recently left us. We’ll hear his music with a bunch of classic Soul and Northern Soul. It's all happening starting at 2 Tuesday afternoon on Bombshellradio.com! Weyes Blood - The Worst Is Done The Beach Boys - We Got Love Jessica Lea Mayfield - Sorry Is Gone Dazy - Inside Voice Beck's Record Club - I'll Be Your Mirror Yo La Tengo - Eight Candles Katie Spencer - Shannon Road Tim Hardin - Misty Roses The Oreilles - Honfleur Remembered Beth Orton - Haunted Satellite The Reds, Pinks and Purples - Poems & Pictures Susan Voelz - I Wish U Heaven Chris Brain - Sunday Morn Falkmore - Trust Fall Sally Dige - You Tears For Fears - Mad World J. J. Barnes - These Chains Of Love Marvin Gaye - This Love Starved Heart Of Mine (It's Killing Me) Frank Wilson - Do I Love You (Indeed I Do) Betty Harris - I Don't Want To Hear It J. J. Barnes - Baby Please Come Back Home Martha High & Speedometer - No More Heartaches J. J. Barnes -  Now That I Got You Back Clarence Carter - Tell Daddy Grand Wazoo - Save Me Gladys Knight & The Pips - I Heard It Through The Grapevine The Velvelettes - Save Me (My Ship of Love Is Sinking) Brooklyn Soul Stew - Snatching It Back Professor Earl Lett - Are You Confused Ray Charles - Sticks And Stones James Hunter Six - Ain't Goin' Up in One of Those Things Ricky Nelson - I'm Talkin' Bout You The Astronauts - The Seventh Son The Smithereens - Little Child The Mike Bell Cartel - Shadow The Shivas - Tell Me That You Love Me The Sunflower Conspiracy - Belle Chase The Pattern Forms - Don't Let Me Dream Videoclub - Amour plastique Foxygen - Shuggie The Beach Boys - Here She Comes The Beach Boys - Promo for Carl and The Passions/So Tough The Beach Boys - Holland Promo Wolf Alice - White Leather Wilma Laverne Miner - Strings That Tie To You Sad Brad Smith - Help Yourself Linda Ronstadt -  It Doesn't Matter Anymore Sam Phillips - Reflecting Light The Pretenders - I Go To Sleep Elliott Smith - Angel in The Snow Eva Cassidy - Kathy's Song Read the full article

[what-do-1000-swords-look-like]

As promised, I'm pestering you with my brain mush. Humour me, please. Maybe I'll have to split into 2 asks, sorry.

That whole exchange between Ramon and Eddie hit very hard, and I don't think I'm really ready to compare notes with my own experience, even if it'd help. I'm just saying that for all we have witnessed until 5x17, it's not Ramon who has pressured and hurt Eddie so much, but Helena. Except that Eddie, with Buck, pointedly blames only his father for being the fucked up one, not Helena or the combination. Just Ramon. It's not that he has this good of a relationship with his mother, either, or that Abuela and Pepa have, for what I've seen in 5x17....It's almost as if the three of them teamed together to mock her. It was weird, and awkward.

Helena and the cooking was another weird bit: if that need for control was put there, I don't think it was only for comedic relief. Everything means something, like Rowena would say...Ramon wanted caterers,but Helena only allowed them to reheat things. She needed to be in control.

Which I'd say, it's another freaking trait of Eddie 1.0 personality, the one that always needs to be in control for Christopher. Can we think for a moment that Ramon was probably around just some days a month? And that it was Helena's constant presence to influence Eddie? We know for a fact that both Pepa and Abuela have a splendid rapport with Eddie...and how could've Isabel managed to fuck Ramon up if she is such a good-hearted woman?! We don't know about her husband, but if he had been so much of a trouble, probably something would've slipped. Finally, we know that Isabel is back in El Paso. Why? For his son?

Let's go back to The Real Fucked Up Family Blueprint™, aka The Buckleys. As I have already written, it always stayed with me the feeling that everything, every fucked up decision was stemming from Margaret, not Philip. Margaret didn't go to hospitals, Margaret didn't want to keep Daniel's stuff, Margaret was the first to yell and the one to never try to reach back, Margaret was the one to cut Maddie out to teach her a lesson, and the worst words come out from Margaret's mouth. Philip sort of....goes with it? He kept Daniel's bike, for fuck's sake! How much was he convinced of this whole charade, and how much he was simply going along with his wife's demands? How much was his mind, and how much was he the "do what your mother told you" kind of father?

What if Eddie was throwing punches at himself? What if that rage was his own punishment? He was trying "not to be like Ramon", and he was always angry. I would think more logical that he was trying to be like Ramon, and that was the reason to set off his rage. But he was trying his whole life, I suppose after Shannon's pregnancy, when he stepped from the role of son into the role of father, not to be like Ramon. And this thing enraged and hurt him more, punishing himself, not Ramon.

What I am wondering now is: was really Ramon the real shadow looming over Eddie's unhappiness and repression, or was it his mother? How much is Ramon really a free agent, and how much he simply obeys Helena? How much of Helena's sternness and harshness towards Shannon reflected some kind of not-accepting behavior from her husband's family? Some fucked up wall she probably repeated onto Shannon, maybe unconsciously? How much her need to be in control of everything reflects the fact that she run a household alone, with three kids, no husband, and a mother-in-law who probably didn't like her? Just wondering. I have no answers, I admit.

Finally. That"I was punishing myself more" kinda shocked me. How could a young, angry Eddie, be punishing himself by being angry at his father? We are not talking about repression, about putting on the facade his father was asking him. That was hurting himself. We are talking about RAGE. It was the rage the punishment for Eddie. Which got me thinking about the Fight Club...the whole "maybe you were throwing punches at the wrong guy" talk. How Buck made it all about himself, but Buck is an unreliable narrator because he does blames himself for everything.

I think it's definitely more complicated than we witnessed, and that they left us out of some important missing piece.

Edit: OMG my drafts and asks are back! Finally! So sorry for the delay!!!

Hey @trickster-archangel! No worries at all, send me as many asks as you would like. =)

Ooh yeah, this was definitely an interesting development for Eddie to watch this episode. I'll be honest with you, I'm very Anti-Diaz parents myself and Anti-Buckleys, and I tend to view the interactions with Eddie and Maddie and Buck respectively through my own lens based on my own experiences. So for the relationship between Ramon and Eddie to shift in this seismic way, well, honestly it felt off to me a little. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm happy for Eddie but at the same time, it just felt like Ramon was let off of the hook a bit too easily. Especially since they put the obvious parallels between them in their story lines this season, in order to justify Eddie finally burying that hatchet because he can now identify with Ramon while also being true to who he is and putting himself first.

And if that felt out of sorts, the whole ignoring of Helena being an issue was baffling. I get that they wanted Eddie and Ramon to reconcile, but to me, you don't say things to your son like "Don't drag him down with you" and attempt to guilt and manipulate him into giving you your grandson and the next time you see each other, it's all sunshine and rainbows. I think you're very spot on with the observations you made regarding her and her need for control.

I remember when watching 3x15 and 2x18, thinking 'man, Ramon is like the enforcer but it's at Helena's prodding.' I mean, even in 2x18, you can see how Ramon seems to go on Helena's cue, when she brings up Christopher now that Shannon is gone. Ramon stops and apologizes (after he makes the comment about Shannon) when she gives him a look. The whole thing read as one big pile of manipulation to me, one that had been pre-planned. And I think the show absolutely meant to show us that because they kept those shots in to show us how Helena and Ramon exchanged looks throughout.

(I seriously love that actress that plays Helena btw, she does an incredible job)

And this scene is purely Helena:

I think it all comes down to what you suggested. And I'm going to take that and run with it if you don't mind: Eddie has more anger towards his father because Ramon was never around, because Ramon put too much on his shoulders, because the responsibility was put on him at such a young age. And no matter what he does, it's never good enough for Ramon. Which is an interesting contrast if you compare it to Shannon. As Ramon says so inappropriately at 2x18, she ran out on Christopher. So you would think that Eddie would have some major anger towards her as well. He does but we also see him attempting to have empathy and to understand her side of things, not only because he loved her but also because he had run too, in the beginning after Christopher was born, re-upping without telling her. As far as we know, Helena didn't leave in any way, shape, or form, and now that we know that story about what happened when she went into labor with Adriana, it's obvious that Eddie took the responsibility very seriously like Ramon intended him to, but it's also due to Helena. Did she tell him to go get the car? No. But why didn't she have an option in place? For someone to be called in Ramon's stead to help her not only get to the hospital but to make sure Eddie was looked after? (and Sophia if she was born then, idr the sequence of the sisters tbh) I'm not saying everyone has this plan in place before labor occurs but why did she say "of course, I thought he was going to call someone to drive us to the hospital"? It wasn't his responsibility. It was hers. She was the only parent (and adult) present. This wasn't her first rodeo when her water broke. Yes, Eddie might have reacted too fast for her to stop him but by that line of dialogue, it's clear she also put that responsibility on him, too.

That whole scene just makes me sick to my stomach to be honest. "Ramon's prized pickup" and she keeps looking to Ramon as she tells the story. Only the end "he was trying to drive me to the hospital" with her semi-proud expression redeems her in this exchange. But sure enough, when Eddie starts to react, "it's just a story". Helena is an absolute moving part to this whole situation. While the show may have moved her responsibility to the side in favor of Eddie coming to terms with Ramon, there is absolutely zero possibility that Eddie wasn't parentified (and I would even argue spousified) by her as well when Ramon wasn't around. And it doesn't negate her manipulation tactics in 2x18 and 3x15. She absolutely led the charge in both of those scenes, Ramon was like her pitbull, there to back her up and attack when needed. So I think it's interesting that the show chose to change up the dynamics here slightly.

But it does make me wonder if like Shannon, Eddie is willing to forgive Helena because they were in it together so to speak. And because Ramon was the one that left and stayed away. No matter the reason he was doing it, he wasn't around. And when he did come back, he was the enforcer again ("you grounded me actually"). Annnnd I do wonder if the show chose to focus on Ramon because of the fact that when we get Eddie's back story in 3x15, he is doing exactly as Ramon had done. He joined the military to provide for his family, he had accidentally gotten Shannon pregnant and needed to provide. So he did what he viewed as the right thing, he married her and joined the army. The same reasons Ramon was away on business so much. Helena had Eddie and then Adriana (and Sophia wherever she comes in) so he had to continue to provide. And since this season is about Eddie and him choosing what he wants for himself, to follow his own heart (btw I read this INCREDIBLE post by someone on this site stating this is why Christopher hasn't been too present this back half of the season, even this episode, if I find it again I have to reblog it, it's so good), I think that's why they chose to hone in on Ramon in last week's episode. That's why they gave Ramon and Eddie the parallels they did: the fake heart attack, the feeling useless when their professional lives have changed, etc. Because they were completely overhauling who Eddie was from the beginning of his story (even though we don't see this side of him until 3x15). I think they wanted to show the progress he's made and how far he has actually come from who Ramon is. Even though we saw he was nothing like Ramon by the time we meet him in the show and we learn about Christopher, Eddie had to realize it himself. Which brings us back to the point you made about Eddie being angry with himself.

I think you are right on the money when it comes to Eddie having so much anger and like you said throwing punches at himself. Because he was basically fighting a shadow, Ramon's shadow, and he sort of got away from it by moving out of Texas buttttt he didn't 100% because he was always seeing that shadow when he looked in the mirror. And I think you're right, there's still an important missing piece. Plus, last we saw, Ramon and Helena still weren't satisfied that Christopher was with Eddie (2x18) so suddenly they are cool with it? After doing everything they can to manipulate Eddie to get him to give Christopher to them and/or move back home? I get that they kept Christopher out of this episode because it was about Eddie and his arc, but it's weird they resolved things with Eddie and Ramon like this without having that brought back up again. Because that's definitely part of the shadow (Ramon's part anyway) and what Eddie has been working against this whole time, who he is as a father vs Ramon and if it's enough (or right) for Christopher. So things can't really be 100% resolved between Eddie and Ramon (and especially Eddie and Helena) until the Christopher issue is resolved. So, I do think they will need to circle back at some point for that for it to be more fully rounded if that makes sense.

And that whole "I was punishing myself more" line shocked me, too. Though, I kind of get what he's saying, but still how unfair to himself. Like you mentioned, how much of that shadow looming over him is Ramon vs Helena? Either way, it's their shadow, Eddie didn't ask for it. So, I was taken aback with that one, too.

Sorry, I hope this all kind of makes sense. Due to the Tumblr issue, I was kind of all over the place. Thank you for the ask and for your patience! I hope you have a great rest of your night!!! <3

#ask #ask answered #trickster-archangel #911 fox #eddie diaz ask #eddie diaz #anti diaz parents #due to content of reply #eddie-centric #metaanswers

[birgittesilverbae]

to a certain degree (fic: dads)

"Shan, are you coming to bed?"

Shannon lifts her head off her desk and wipes at the trail of drool on her cheek with the sleeve of her hoodie. "In a bit, I just gotta get these analyses back to my advisor first." 

"Sweetheart, it's one in the morning. I think they're gonna have to wait."

"I'm almost done!" She gestures at her laptop, then realises it's gone black and wakes it. "I've just got–" she leans forwards to peer at the screen – "thirty more trials to do a visual inspection on." She lets her forehead fall back to the desktop with an audible sigh. "Fuck."

"Shan."

"Mary."

"Come to bed, Shannon. Please."

"Fine." Shannon stumbles to her feet, pulling her hoodie off even as she rises, leaving her in a sports bra and boxers. She kisses Mary's cheek in passing and ambles down the hallway. Mary turns to watch her go, worry pulling at the corners of her mouth as Shannon takes a header into their bedroom door frame before reorienting herself and successfully entering the room.

Marry does a pass of the office, closing Shannon's laptop and turning off the desk lamp, gathering an empty mug and a plate dusted with cookie crumbs. She washes the dishes up quickly and leaves them in the draining rack, checks the front door lock, and heads back to bed.

She finds Shannon slumped on top of the bedspread, facedown, socks still on and sports bra half-off, tangled around her left arm. Mary sits on the edge of the bed and drives the point of her elbow into Shannon's ribs. "Shove over, Shan."

Shannon mumbles something unintelligible in return. 

Mary wedges her shoulder under Shannon's side and levers her over once, then again, until Shannon has been relegated back to her own side of the bed and Mary can finally slip beneath the covers. She double-checks her phone alarms have been set and pulls the blankets up under her chin, letting the steady rhythm of Shannon's breathing lull her to sleep.

//

"Where are you going?"

Mary pauses at the door, in the midst of freeing her hair from the back of her scarf. "I'm having lunch with Beatrice and Lilith, remember?"

"Right, yeah, of course." Shannon pinches the bridge of her nose. "Sorry, my brain's all–" She waggles her hand back and forth. "Have fun."

Mary crosses the room, pushes Shannon's laptop away so she can perch on the desk in front of her. Shannon's head drops to rest on her thigh, and Mary strokes her hair back, traces the shell of her ear with a fingertip. "Sweetheart, this isn't healthy."

"I know that," Shannon mumbles into the denim of Mary's jeans. "I do."

"Then why are you pushing so hard?"

"I don't know." Her voice is caught on the edge of a sob.

"I think you do, Shannon."

Shannon shoves back, eyes sharp. "Don't try to tell me what I know." Her hand rises, fingers curling in the crew neck of her sweater, unconsciously tugging at it. "I said I don't know, alright?"

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry." Mary waits a moment on the edge of the desk, but no response seems to be forthcoming. "Whatever. I'll tell your sisters you say hi."

If she doesn't try all too hard not to slam the door behind her when she leaves the apartment, well. No one has to know.

//

Mary steels herself as she turns the doorknob and enters the apartment. She's not really sure what she expects to be greeted with, but it's not Shannon sitting on the couch freshly-showered and all but reeking of anxiety. A box from the pastry shop halfway across the city sits on the coffee table in front of her, its long side perfectly parallel with the edge of the tabletop. 

"Hey," Shannon says softly. 

"Hey." Mary busies herself unwrapping her scarf and stuffing her gloves in her pockets before shucking off her coat. She toes off her boots and kicks them in the vague direction of the boot rack, catches Shannon's wince in her peripheral vision. "Brought you sushi."

"You shouldn't have."

"And yet." Mary stuffs the box in the fridge. "Not gonna stop bringing you food just because you're being a fucking asshole."

"I'm sorry."

"I know, Shan." Mary shifts the pastry box so she can sit on the coffee table in front of Shannon, their knees knocking. "But you keep apologising and then not changing a thing."

Shannon bites her lip and nods, tears shining at the corners of her eyes. "I know. I just– I know." She drops her head, presses the heels of her palms into her eye sockets. "You've been so good and I've just…"

Mary waits patiently, rubs her hands on her thighs to keep from reaching out across the distance between them. 

"If I don't defend by the end of April, I have to pay another term's worth of tuition, and it won't be covered by grants."

"Okay, and?"

"And? Mary, I don't have the funds to be throwing money away like that."

"Shan, take a breath for me, please. How much would it cost to take another term to finish?"

"About five grand."

"About five–" Mary rubs a hand across her forehead. "Shannon. Sweetheart. Love. Babygirl."

"Oh no," Shannon groans. "You called me 'babygirl'. I'm being extremely stupid, aren't I?"

"A little." Mary flicks Shannon's kneecap. "How much is your contract worth?"

"Two and a half million over three years."

"And you're burning yourself out for the sake of…?"

"A fraction of a percent of that." Shannon slumps back against the couch cushions. "I'm so dumb," she moans into her hands.

"You're tired," Mary corrects.

"Tired and so dumb." She drags her hands down her face, then pushes herself back upright. "I'm sorry," she repeats, reaching out to take one of Mary's hands between her own. "I've been making you my emotional punching bag for weeks, haven't I?"

Mary's mouth twists. "A bit."

"I'm sorry." She strokes her thumb across the back of Mary's knuckles. "This is supposed to be an equal partnership, not me relying on you to carry my load because I've self-imposed some stupid arbitrary deadline on a project."

"Thank you for apologising," Mary says softly, reaching up to thumb a tear from Shannon's cheek, "but what changes are you going to make going forward?"

Shannon presses a kiss to Mary's palm as she thinks. "I'm going to set up a meeting with my advisor," she says after a long moment. "We're going to lengthen my timeline for graduation."

"Good. I'm glad. You're not a scholarship kid anymore, Shan. Don't go sacrificing your well-being for the sake of a relatively small amount of money."

"I know, I know. It's just a difficult adjustment to make." She laces her fingers between Mary's. "And after I meet with my advisor, I'm thinking maybe we take a vacation? Just the two of us? I'll rent us a little beach house and spend a week showing you exactly how grateful I am for everything you've done for me over the course of this degree."

"Sounds good to me." Mary leans forwards, presses her forehead to Shannon's. "Though, I'd rather start my graduate degree now," she says with a smirk.

"Your degree?" Shannon stares back in confusion.

"Oh, you know. Doing my Masters."

#fic: dads #myfic #mywn #mary x shannon #sister shannon #shotgun mary