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saiidahyunie · 2 months

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love me a little more

kim dahyun x f!reader

synopsis: you weren’t much of a romantic type, always telling yourself that the intimacy was too much—all of that changed when dahyun came around.

warnings: fluff ; implied smut ; steamy makeout sesh ; not proofread

a/n: wanted to challenge myself into writing a fic in one sitting (i failed ;-;) but i've been more motivated to get more sana and dahyun content going on my blog!

the rain was relentless. canceling your date night with dahyun that would’ve been a hefty price tag at the fancy restaurant was a fantastic idea.

once the rolling credits of avengers endgame had ended with the soft sound of a hammer smashing on another piece of metal signifying tony stark making his first ever suit, you shift your head to the other shoulder while you mindlessly shut off the tv in the living room.

your right arm is pinned down by dahyun, who was fast sleep with her head on your shoulder. she insisted that you and her have a movie night together instead of going out, and she was right considering the small pitter patter sounds of the raindrops hitting the window in the dimmed household calling for the much needed bedtime. what made this more funnier was how dahyun said that she’d stay up for the entirety of the movie—only to doze off before the last twenty or so minutes towards the end.

before your mind could surrender at the thought of just sleeping on the couch for the night, not that you had a problem with that anyway, it would be better to just use the remaining energy left to just breeze past the hallway and into the bedroom, so lightly stretch all of your muscles and body parts while sitting, letting out a soft cough that causes dahyun to cling onto your arm tightly.

“hey…” you whisper over her head, “want me to carry you?”

dahyun lets out a soft hum through her oversized hoodie as your other hand finds hers clinging to your shirt, you can’t help but chuckle at the way she’s acting while you brush the side of her hair, scratching her scalp that makes dahyun melt more into the fabric.

“okay, let me get up at least beb.”

managing to get up and move your arm a little bit from its captivity, you turn around to face dahyun who was still sitting down, now curled up into a small ball into the couch, enveloping her with your upper body as your arms hook around her back and legs, lifting her up her arms find your neck—and she’s a little more awake now than just a few moments ago.

“we’re a little more awake now huh?” you say as dahyun leans her head in to give you a kiss on the cheek, one of her many ways of appreciation since acts of service was your main love language while dahyun’s was physical touch. (gift giving was her first one technically)

the dark corridor was filled with the soft murmurs of dahyun singing somewhat of a song as you make it past the bedroom door, moving closer to the bed before setting her down gently. dahyun then tries to reach for the covers, but you stop her, waving a finger while you went ahead and did it for her yourself, patting down the comforter once she was all snuggled up.

you were about to go to the bathroom to wash up, only for your hand to be caught by hers stopping you from leaving.

“you okay?” you ask her, turning your body before sitting down on the bed closer to her.

dahyun lets the silence fall for just a moment before answering, “yeah. i’m okay.”

“i was just gonna wash up before coming back, do you need anything?”

“well…” dahyun mutters out with a pouty look on her face, “i just want you beside me, that’s all.”

your head dips down from the answer before softly smiling at her, it was late anyway and you were just keeping yourself away from the comfortable bed that was in front of you. washing up can come later in the morning—it was already midnight and the rain falling made it the perfect background noise to fall asleep instantly.

“okay,” you say while cupping dahyun’s cheek, looking at her in the eyes, entranced by the galaxy that lies behind those set of dark irises. “i’m tired anyway.”

a shifting movement fills the bed, and you’re spooning dahyun under the covers.

the feeling is so safe for the both of you, the radiating warmth encapsulating with the comforter cuddling away to your heart's content as your chin fins the crook of dahyun’s neck, planting a soft kiss alongside the line of her throat while your arms link around her waist, pulling her closer to you.

tiredness didn’t always guarantee an instant slumber.

you’re trying to fall asleep, eyes wide open as you let your mind ponder in the vast space of darkness, the only lightsource let alone sound is the faint whirr of the humidifier on the small seat next to the nightstand, the scent of apple cedarwood filling the small space on dahyun’s side of the bed for the next few minutes.

though it hasn’t been that long, all things considered.

moving your body under the sheets would only keep you up, and you didn’t know if dahyun was already fast asleep like earlier, so you don’t bother to ask or move, you’re just staying still as a log.

luckily, dahyun also couldn’t fall asleep right away, so you were glad that you weren’t the only one. she turns her body around to face you, laying on her side while your hands shift lower to the small of her back, meeting her hips. her hands creep up to the front of her body, fiddling with the loose cotton of your shirt while your chin nicks a little bit of her forehead.

“can’t sleep?” you say quietly enough for her to hear, and dahyun looks up.

“yeah, i don’t know why.”

“you managed to stay up for the majority of the movie only to doze off right at the end.” you laugh while dahyun taps your chest.

“it’s your fault for picking a three hour long movie in the first place!”

“who was the one who didn’t want to go out tonight?” you ask in a doubled down effort.

dahyun lets out a sound that is almost an ‘i’, but closes her parted lips in defeat knowing that you won the exchange of banter.

a chuckle leaves your nostrils as you pull dahyun more closely, pressing your lips to her forehead with your hands on her cheeks, the meaningfulness behind it bringing a softer side of you to the front stage.

“i love this.” dahyun mutters out, giddily, smiling between your fingers, “how could you be so good at love?”

you’re staring at her, eyes darting in competition with hers, studying the concaves of her face and lips, trying to find the next words to suffice an answer—nothing comes to mind.

you don’t need words to tell how you feel about someone. especially with dahyun.

a first action was all that was needed when you lean forward. your lips finally meet dahyun’s, the kiss deepening as she presses her face deeper against yours, the rush of breaths clashing against the open air. its like succumbing to an open wound, the way her lips just mesh perfectly together with yours, her fingers slide on the nape of your neck, and you’re trying to decide whether to pull away or not.

you don’t want to, but for a slight second you do—moving your body underneath the comforter, taking the high ground hovering on top of dahyun, staring at her.

her eyes don’t lie, her cheeks are rosy pink through the hindering light, her lips bruised, hair tousled a bit, and she’s breathing raggedly.

“baby,” you mumble out, “is there—”

“just kiss me.”

without thinking twice, you go back for more. indulging in the touches like you have before, but not like this. fighting with your lips—biting, gnawing, pulling the other till it gets swollen or bruised, it’s igniting a fire from within, and it’s the same for dahyun.

the real work truly begins when you shift to her jaw and cheeks, your hands join in on the fun by slipping underneath her hoodie, the unreal slim waist that dahyun possessed now being held by your fingertips as you continued to take your time leaving marks across the whole board.

her hands are buried in your hair as she seems to have a good read on your thoughts at this moment, parting her lips again for you. when you meet her level again, there’s a swipe of the tongue, first in your mouth, and a trade off for hers. she’s softly humming, the sound of her filling your mouth while you reach her breasts from underneath, fondling with them as you leave another trail of kisses against her neck.

“god.” dahyun gasps out, and you silence her with your mouth but with a little less sense of urgency than earlier. each exchange of kisses being softer, slower. you’re taking your time with your lover as the neediness creeps out and away in exchange for sleepiness.

a final smack of the lips before resting your forehead on top of hers for a brief moment, planting one more kiss on her cheek before laying down beside dahyun again, wrapping arms and legs—not wanting any sudden movements from this point on while sleeping.

“goodnight dub,” you mumble before kissing the top of her head, and she murmurs out another sound against your shirt before drifting off to sleep finally.

or so you thought.

a cloudy, rainy morning greets the room through the curtains, and dahyun is the first one to wake up.

there’s been a tousle in the sheets, but somehow her body is still next to yours surprisingly with your arms still linked around her—all arms and legs against each other.

she shifts over a little closer to your body, her arm across your waist, but the surface is a little bit peculiar to her feeling when her eyes flutter open to notice that the shirt that was on you from the night prior was off. what makes this all the more puzzling, was that her hoodie was off too, exposing her whole chest as well.

dahyun looks down at the small hint of marks that were on her neck and a little bit of her collarbone. she doesn’t remember how those got there in the first place and her curiosity got the better of her when she peeped under the covers; she was in her underwear, a more astute observation at that.

her mind lazes at the thought, and she just nestles into the upper portion of your chest, lightly rubbing the lines of your ribs like playing on a harp.

eventually, she ultimately decides to sit up from your arching arm, letting it fall on her hip while she rubs her eyes to get rid of the lingering sleepiness and the small crusty bits that nestle between the corner of your eyes.

you let out a monotone sound into the pillow next to dahyun as she pats your forearm as an acknowledgement, giggling while she leans over to your smushed face in the cushions, showering you with light kisses to get you going.

“dub,” you mutter into the fabric as the ends of her hair tickle the cuff of your ear. “don’t even think about getting up from bed…”

“i wasn’t!" she yells lightly. "besides, i’m hungry anyway.”

“mmmmmmmmmmm.” is the only sound that’s heard while dahyun flips her hair to the otherside, hand slithering underneath the covers before the pads of her fingertips dance away before lightly pinching your side, getting you even more awake now.

“hey! what was that for?!” you gasp out, lifting the upper half of your body from underneath the mountain of your thick blanket with one eye open, groaning dramatically before shoving your face more into the pillow.

dahyun can’t help but laugh at your mini temper tantrum, shaking your head into the pillow, and hitting the bed with your fists, she also sees the heels also kick up in retaliation as well.

she then gets on top of your back, placing more light-hearted kisses from behind your ear and down to your neck—dahyun’s favorite sensitive spots of your body whenever you two got more sunk in more private settings—this was no different.

you then roll her off your back, sitting up slightly while she couldn’t help herself to kiss you just a bit more, putting herself over you as your hand seamlessly finds the lower part of her jaw, thumb resting on her cheek. the feeling of it is so tender, and the sound of the rain hitting the window really sets the atmosphere altogether.

“did you take off my hoodie in the middle of the night?” she asks with her lips still stuck on yours.

“yeah, it got a little stuffy.” you reply, landing another kiss to her bottom lip, pulling on it slightly while you look up at her with puppy dog eyes. “i might have done a little bit more than that actually.”

“i figured.” dahyun says, pulling away even more, looking down at the small hints of marks across her neck and chest. “but i’m not complaining though.”

you’re looking at her lips, then the marks you mindlessly made while you slid off your shirt and her hoodie at some point during the middle of the night, but you didn’t want to get ahead of yourself that time. now you’re biting your lip at her appearance. her beautiful, natural long black hair, bare face that looks even more alluring minus all the makeup (very minimally), her milky white skin with the hints of red marks all over, you want to do more damage—god you’ll pretty much will.

so you sit up, lips back on hers in record time, the kiss deepening by the second. her hands are moving in a frenzy, saliva being slid from both of your tongues, hearing the heavenly sounds come through in vibrations. your hand is through her hair, while the other is around her snatched waist.

the degree of elevation is then changed. you’re on top of her, and she’s below you. pulling away slightly as dahyun looks at you with longing eyes, the slight heaving from her chest, and she’s colored in a brilliant shade of pink—all for you. behind these walls and closed doors, where no one else sees, it’s perfect really.

“i think i have some unfinished business for you… the coffee can wait.” you say with a grin, the next thing dahyun sees is you lowering back, and she doesn’t even feel her underwear slip off from her body but your hands sliding up her legs to her hips.

she doesn’t fight the sounds coming out of her with the back of her hand.

the lighter of the stove clicks on the other end while you’re moving the pan back and forth with a set of scrambled eggs, humming along to a faint jazz song on your phone set to the left of you on the countertop.

you’re swaying slightly to the music when a pair of arms coat your waist, the cloth of your shirt getting rumpled underneath. dahyun’s head is laid on your back, eyes closed but with a beaming happy smile, all giddy and everything—a clear indication that you definitely gave her some of that morning magic just ten minutes ago.

“go ahead and sit down, dub,” you say, nicking your head back slightly. “i’m almost done here.”

she can only hum in response, kissing your back before she gingerly walks to the other end of the small kitchen island, still eepy and more than relaxed. you turn off the stove with the plate of scrambled eggs showered with some garlic salt and scallions, the other small plate in your hand with a stack of toast while you slide it over across.

feeding her a spoonful of scrambled egg while you’re munching through a slice of toast, dahyun’s face melts from the taste and cooking that you were so skilled at. you can’t help fall in love a little more at the sight of her being cozy and homey on days like these.

“it’s so cute when you can’t talk after we have sex.” you say out of nowhere, the last bite of egg passing your throat with ease. dahyun looks at you with deadlocked eyes, before she lightly punches you in the shoulder, acting all hurt while laughing. “i’m kidding! it’s still funny though.”

“i’m still waiting for my coffee.” she says, eyeing over the espresso machine that’s unplugged, with the two capsules for you and her both. “i’m leaving a one star review on yelp and not giving you a tip.”

you roll your eyes, before she pulls that eye smile of hers, kissing you on the cheek as her way of apologizing. blinking twice before you peck her lips and cheek twice before you fulfill her request. “you got it miss kim.”

#hyunie #dahyun #twice x reader #kpop x reader #dahyun x reader #kim dahyun #kpop imagines #twice imagines #twice dahyun #twice fluff #twice smut #dahyun twice #dahyun x you #twice x you

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emersonfreepress · 20 days

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help i'm alive

So! Long time, no see. 2023 was a whole goddamn lot lol

I don't have a demo update to share yet, but that's because I had to scrap nearly everything I managed to write during a very, very, very bad stint of writer's block last year. I hadn't even realized it had been a block like that until I went over my work so far last month and realized it was bad -- like, trust me; a slog to read that didn't even sound like me. It's been extremely frustrating but I've finally broken free of that and it's been easy and actually fun to write again for the first time in actual years. I just hate giving updates that have no actual news in them. And I really had nothing to share other than: I deleted thousands of words and feel so much better now 😅

Anyway, little about my demo plans have changed: I'm still putting out the Chapter 3 demos in Choicescript/on Dashingdon and then will be going dark to move things over to Twine. Where I am in the process right now is... feeling like 35% done with the overhauled version of this chapter and 50% done for the next demo update.

As far as asks, I'm... not really sure what to do?? I believe I've read them all (I love you guys), but so much time has passed since getting most of them that I'm not sure if it's, like... still pertinent??? To go back and answer them?? I suppose some of them like character asks could be, but all the nice messages of support -- that feels weird since I've practically ghosted this blog since August! Idk. Y'all tell me what to do with 'em and I'll do it. Maybe I should make a poll.

Uh... that's really all there is to say regarding the game! I've added some personal stuff after the cut, but if you're done here: Thanks for reading and sticking around. It means the world, for real.

So what has occupied my time all this time? Doctor, therapy, money, and friends. And improv! But especially the first two. There was a lot of non-writing related stuff fucking up my ability to focus and write, so hopefully with my mind and body both feeling a lot better, I can get back to being present and active with the game. I didn't realize how physically unwell I was until last year and it's been like... life-long issues I've been treating. It turns out it's not normal to feel exhausted enough to sleep at any given time, at all times, for your whole life! wow!!

I also uninstalled Tumblr from my phone back in February, so you could say I'm sort of generally focused on offline life. (And what an interesting coincidence that my writer's block dissipated shortly after that...) I also just moved!! The last two weekends have been so expensive and stressful -_- But I can't even compare the old place to the new. We're basically paying the same price for idek how much more space. The cats are so happy; which means the house humans get to be happy.

My schedule is finally freed up from constant medical shit (there was a 3-month stretch this winter with multiple doctor appointments literally every fucking week 🙃🙃🙃). My mental health is doing a lot better -- literally incomparably better compared to where I was this time last year. There's live comedy now (which I dabble in, to be clear lol), but I've finally found myself able to like... balance it all. The physical and creative energy that goes into it all, anyway. The lovely thing about improv is that you kinda just show up and do your thing -- it doesn't cut into my writing time so much as it costs energy. Unless I end up in this comedy debate show thing next month, which I am very excited to give up writing time for

So like... Life is life-ing and I'm just vibing. Or something? I'll be around.

Thank you all again so much for your interest, support, patience, and readership <3

#oh and if anyone knows where i can stream mob wives uncensored without paying any extra money i'd love you forever lol #that is unimportant- unless y'all find it important that i have access to all of my most influential pieces of media at all times IJSAYING!#jk jk ofc <3 thank you for reading #conspiracy in emerson #if cie #progress #cie ch 3

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artofchira · 7 months

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As someone else who's in the process of burning out just surviving, and has lost sight of why I enjoyed art in the first place, would you be willing to share some of the things you've tried to get back on your feet? Super glad that you're doing so much better, btw.

First: It's actually become a job for me to help artists reconnect to their art through my mentorship workshop with everything I have learned, and I consider myself very good at it. I've been doing it for about 4 years now. If you or any other artist would like direct help with recovering from burn out please check out the service page of my website and testimonials from previous clients.

To answer your question:

A lot of my own personal stabilization just came as a result of wanting the experience of making art to be comfortable. It wasn't a choice anymore. After my father passed I relaxed for about 3 months -- longest I went without drawing in my life since I started freelancing -- and when I sat back at my desk I just couldn't make myself work under the same pressure. I'd try to force myself to draw and it made me want to cry instead. I quickly learned I could only create if I felt comfortable and drawing felt gentle, so I had to accept moving forward if I wanted to continue being as productive as before I needed to find a way of working that eliminated stress or using will power, which means working in a way that was renovated from the ground up. I couldn't go back. How I was making art was over. I needed it to be repaired. I had no idea what that looked like, so it was truly trial and error.

A fact about me is I have a very high sensory/pain threshold naturally (I also recently learned I was autistic over the pandemic, imagine that has something to do with it) so I've always been historically bad at ignoring my physical limitations because I rarely felt them unless my body broke down on me, and when it did I treated myself with annoyance and forced myself to work through it. I'm talking like no sleeping for 3-4 days straight, or coming home after a kidney stone to finish a comic page still shaky on pain and morphine and then feeling bad at myself for being lazy. To say my old work habits were highly self abusive is an understatement. So when I started addressing everything that was an inconvenience and uncomfortable, it ended up correcting everything I was ignoring or failed to consider a problem until it was past due.

To cut a long story short, a list of material changes to my life that improved my health:

I got medicated, finally. I'm extremely bipolar. Always have been. Drawing between periods of oscillating between feeling divinely invincible vs ideating suicide every waking moment vastly became easier to manage.

I got glasses. I'm farsighted, but it was never a problem for me since I could see fine -- ooor so I thought. Turns out when you're farsighted you're focusing constantly without even realizing it. Turns out getting glasses gave me 80% of my mental space back so I suddenly had more energy, generally more awake, and more focused. No one talks about farsightedness so I had absolutely no idea I was burning myself out physically just being able to see. Worth mentioning!

Started seeing a massage therapist and a chiropractor regularly. I always thought of those things as luxuries, not necessities. Which was extremely stupid. Maintaining my physical body through directly working out kinks in it became something like brushing my teeth or showering -- it's just something you do to make sure health and hygiene isn't making you dysfunctional and rotting you. My body no longer breaks down.

For the same reasons as above, maintained seeing my therapist regularly even if I felt fine or had no issues to work out. I realized I was always quick to end support as soon as I felt I didn't need it anymore (again treating it as a luxury) so making the space in my life for mental/emotional check ins kept my head organized. My therapist is bewildered by me and has no idea what to do with me because she feels she's not doing anything. I just tell her by me making the space for me to explain myself at all, even if all I was doing was describing how I was fine, was the help. She's great.

Got a cappuccino machine. May seem stupid but being able to make gourmet coffees from my kitchen every morning really genuinely improved my life and mind more than getting medicated.

Got a dog. He's amazing. I love him. Very warm and loving companion, and such a gentle soul. He keeps me out of my head and gets me prioritizing walks every day, so my vitamin D intake increased massively. I don't have the luxury of staying in bed for 3 days straight in my depressive episodes anymore. I have to make the effort to leave it at least twice a day to walk and feed him and play with him. Like most people, I'm terrible at prioritizing for myself but will move worlds for those I love no matter where I'm at.

For personal habits I just reflected a lot on why I felt I had to will myself to draw when drawing is something I love doing most. It made no sense to resent doing what you devote yourself to doing. I changed -- and still changing -- my mental framing in how I think of working on art for it to be something I'm eager to do, not obligated to.

Hope this was educational.

#ask box answers #Personal

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animeyanderelover · 1 year

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Yandere tamaki, bakugou,kirishima,shinsuo(separate)

Taking care their unwilling kidnapped sick darling

It's been too long since I've writen for My Hero...

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationhip, possessive behavior, obsession, clinginess, overprotective behavior, mentions of abduction, sickness

Unwilling kidnapped darling is sick

Katsuki Bakugou

💥 Katsuki keeps that frowning scowl on his face as he forces you into not one but three blankets and just tells you to rest and do as he tells you. Is he angry at you? Probably, he blames you a little bit for getting yourself sick like this. You should have done this and that like he told you too but you just had to play the rebel which is, admittedly his doing. Kidnapping you was a wrong choice but a choice the hero made nevertheless. Your rebellious attitude had to be expected but it's incredibly hard for Katsuki to hold back his temper at times. He won't succumb to his anger and scream at you and scare you like some sort of asshole. He isn't the violent bad guy you might write him off as and he is adament to prove that to you. So maybe he's partially responsible for your sickness now too, he should have taken better care of you.

💥 Despite what his darling might think, Bakugou is actually disturbingly good in nursing them back to health. He's informed and knows how to use that knowledge practically too. He cooks the food that will benefit your health, knows how much you need to take from which medicine per day to feel less like shit and still respects the fact that you need rest. Sure, he checks still multiple times a day for your temperature or to see if you have no problems whilst sleeping but otherwise he just lets you rest. Katsuki even acts like he wants the distance, tells you that he doesn't want to get sick too and luckily you never test him in this conviction since you despise him. He might want to cuddle up to you a bit but knows that you'd hate it and that would just mean scratching his ego. A hint of arrogance can't be helped though since he basks in the fact that you're more reliant on him now and he occasionally rubs that into your face although he doesn't push you to the point where you refuse said help.

Eijiro Kirishima

♦️ Kirishima makes an instant fuss over his darling when they start feeling sick and tired and is likely over the top enough to swoop them up in his arms and carry them into their bed. His poor baby got sick so it's obviously his job as their loving boyfriend to take care of them now that they'll need him. Everyone gets sick once in a while, don't worry. This will pass soon. I' say that he has less knowledge than Katsuki and whilst he might know the common folktales how to help with this and that, he has only vague ideas when it comes to the medicine. He's probably the type who'd actually try to nurse you back to health without relying on pills and medicine unless he realizes that it would seriously help you. Tries to make jokes in hopes of making you feel a bit better, he generally talks a lot unless he knows that you just need some silence right now.

♦️ Kirishima kind of glosses over the fact that you're still an unwilling participant in this all because this man has straight up kidnapped you, even if it was in a risky situation. He's decided to put his delusional walls up in order to defend his actions and with your sickness in full work right now, you have not the energy to argue with him anymore. Eijiro grows even more clingy, tells you that he has a robust immune system so you won't have to worry about him getting infected by what you have. Affection and cuddles are good medicine too after all! Well, that's at least what he always tells you when he has you trapped in his grip. He spends hours like this with you where he dozes off a bit and you somehow manage to do too even if begrudgingly. He is a bit more clueless at times but refuses to let you help, reassures you that he'll figure out how much of this specific medicine you need. You just rest and get well soon.

Hitoshi Shinsou

💟 Hitoshi feels guilty after the abduction of his darling, especially since he used his quirk without any hesitation. Sure, you were in danger but it doesn't change that he feels like he just used you the way everyone else was always afraid he'd use his quirk when he was younger. This guilt only gets fed more when you fall ill because you vehemently won't listen to his pleads to be more careful and due to the increased stress of the situation you're in. He sort of panics at first since he hates to admit it but he doesn't really know what he is supposed to help you with in this situation. There is this lingering hope that he can change your opinion of him at least a bit though by taking care of you now and proving to you that he genuinely loves you. He just sends you to bed at first and spends hours in front of his laptop, reading online what he can do for you now.

💟 His approach is similar to that of Katsuki in that he also lets you rest enough. He knows that you're in a bad mood now that you've fallen sick and are forced to rely on him more and for that very reason he's afraid that you'll potentially snap at him and hurt his feelings if he acts too overbearing. It's already a relief enough that you accept the food he prepares you and the medicine he gives you to ease your symptoms. He never brags about it to you though, Hitoshi is just grateful that you comply with him right now instead of continuing to be angry and worsening your health even more by doing so. You might accept his help because you're worried that otherwise he might brainwash you again, he doesn't know and is too afraid to ask you that question. He doesn't speak much but there is some sort of pride bubbling up in his chest when he notices that his treatment helps you and the sickness you're enduring as of now.

Tamaki Amajiki

🌗 Tamaki is devastated by the cold shoulder his darling gives him and copes with it by thinking lowly about himself. He understands you, he's just a miserable person isn't he? Taking you away out of his anxiety to be left by you and ruining you like this, he really is a low piece of trash. When your health slowly deteriorates, the guy suffers a small panic attack and instantly blames himself as the reason. He must really make you sick. A part of his consciousness knows that he shouldn't overdo it but that part is muddled under all the panic that his brain produces as he can't help but turn overbearing now. His poor sweetheart is suffering so much right now, how couldn't he? Even if it's just your common cold, Tamaki will act really dramatic and make it look like something more serious as he starts acting like the worst mother hen you've ever met.

🌗 You're placed in a bed with multiple pillows and blankets and he even goes out to buy you more, occasionally even gets you a cute plushie to cheer you up a bit. He spends a lot of time in the kitchen or hunched over his mobile and reading articles how to help you. He gets you medicine and asks you in a jittery tone if you could take a bit since it should help you. He's still scared that you'll hiss at him, insult him even if he almost expects it because of what he has done. He lingers around you, often peeks into your room to see if nothing is bothering you. Deep down Tamaki really wants to lay cuddled up next to you though even if he might get sick too. His immune system should be strong though, right? You find him staring at you when he thinks like that although he looks embarrassed away the moment he snaps back to reality. If he's desperate enough to tip into his delusional side, you might wake up one day to his form holding you tightly against him, mumbling that you'll be fit soon.

#yandere my hero academia #yandere mha #yandere boku no hero academia #yandere bnha #yandere bakugou #yandere katsuki bakugou #yandere kirishima #yandere eijiro kirishima #yandere shinsou #yandere hitoshi shinsou #yandere tamaki #yandere tamaki amajiki

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thewulf · 1 year

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Terrible Liar || Joel Miller

Request: Love, love, love your work. I'm dying for some more Joel Miller x Reader hurt/comfort and I came across your JM X Franks Sister Reader... amazing! Could I request something with Tess's sister? I was thinking maybe reader got hurt on a job/raid and hid it until she was home. Joel walk in as he usually does but this time he see's you crying. He's never seen you cry so it freaks him out a bit. The Servopoulos sisters were composed. You can decide the rest! I've always thought that was super interesting but I don't see many people writing Tess's sister.

A/N: Ahh this came out so quickly, had to post it. Really like how this one turned out! Enjoy and let me know what you think!!

Pairing: Joel Miller x Y/N

Word Count: 3.4k+

TW: Talk of death, stabbing, murder, general TLOU warning's

“Oh, fuck.” Groaning you leaned up against the bathroom wall looking towards the ceiling silently trying not to panic. Taking as deep of a breath as you could manage, you lightly grabbed the switch blade lodged deep in your thigh. Pure adrenaline was keeping you awake at this point.

You and your smuggling partner were seemingly in the clear until you were attacked by a few randoms that wanted your goods. You took one down at the expense of your thigh while Rory, your partner, took the other two down sans any injury. He managed to get you home by throwing you on his back. After assuring him you’d be fine he dropped you off at your shared apartment with your sister.

Closing your eyes, you quickly pulled the blade from your thigh. Better to get it out sooner or you’d be risking it getting infected. You couldn’t stop the quiet yelp that left your throat in response to the foreign blade being removed from your body. With your other hand you quickly put pressure down on the open stab wound. At the very least it was just a muscle that was stabbed and nothing major. It would hurt like hell for a while, but you’d heal up just fine. This was just a side effect of the world you lived in.

You really should’ve done this on the couch though. Not having the energy to make it all the way over there you slumped back down against the wall letting your body slide down until your butt hit the floor.

“Fuck me.” You let out a guttural sigh as you beat the floor below you. You’d never admit it out loud, but you hated this fucking world. The only reason you fought so hard to keep going was for Tess. And Joel. It’d break their hearts if they knew how much you truly despised it. The true ugly in humanity in every form coming to light every single day. You missed your simple life pre-outbreak. Maybe it was all fake and ready to crumble but at least there seemed to be a purpose. You hadn’t a clue what your purpose was anymore. And it was miserable. Was this really the best it was going to get?

“Shit fuck.” You threw the switchblade at the opposite wall angry that you let yourself get stabbed. Angry at the world.

You knew Tess and Joel were on another run and would be gone for a while so what was the harm in letting your frustrations out? It’d make it easier to sleep anyway if you tired yourself out. One tear turned to ten turned to too many to count. You let it all fucking out. The silent cries turned to ugly sobs as you finally let yourself feel sorry for once. For the first time in forever you mourned your old life. A life you’d never get to experience again. It’d been nonstop since then. Constant fight or flight.

Your ugly sobs hid the sounds of the locked front door opening and closing. Joel called out for you only to be met by your muffled cries. Panicked he raced over to the closed door hearing a sound so unfamiliar he wasn’t sure if he was hearing correctly or not.

Softly knocking he tried to call out for you first, “Y/N?”

He was only met with louder cries. It was definitely you hiding away in the bathroom. He had just left Tess to go finish off the deal. She was always able to squeeze more out of people than he was. The duo finished the run far sooner than they were planning, and he wanted to come find you, like he always did. He made sure that you were the first thing he went to go find once he got back from a run. He wasn’t sure when or why it started happening. You just brought him so much comfort.

This was the last thing he expected. Hearing you breaking down on the other side of the door.

Opening the door, he hoped it wasn’t too bad, whatever was hiding.

“Y/N?” The sight before him was something he’d never wished to see. A nightmare really. There was blood everywhere. Your blood seemed to coat almost every surface of the small bathroom

He was met with your wide eyes. Clearly caught doing something you didn’t want him to see, “Joel. Shit. Joel, hey.” You wiped your eyes as best as you could knowing it hid absolutely nothing. You were sure they were blood shot as you kept running your sleeve across them.

“What the fuck happened?” He nearly growled as his instincts kicked into gear. He grabbed a washcloth dabbing it in some water before crouching down beside you.

“Raiders, smugglers or some shit.” You sighed leaning your head back against the wall. Feeling Joel take your hand that was holding the wound closed you watched as he looked at the wound. Not having any energy left to fight him you simply observed.

“They take the shit?” He frowned looking the stab wound over. He was a little relieved to see it wasn’t that bad. Not thinking you needed any stitches he opted for gauze and a wrap.

“No, no.” You took another breath focusing on him and not your pulsing thigh, “We got everything back. You know Rory would never let them take anything alive.” Rory had a certain zest for life that many didn’t have. He was almost careless with his life, not caring if he gave his for the greater good.

He looked up seeing your pained face. He wasn’t good at this shit. That’s why he loved being around you and Tess, you never made him do the mushy crap. He’d been decent at it a lifetime ago, with Sarah. But fast forward fifteen years and that man was gone. Replaced by a hardened shell that Joel would never recognize.

“You alight?” He asked looking you over while cleaning the dried blood off your leg still holding pressure to the bleeding wound.

Nodding your head, you took a drawn-out breath in through your nose, eyes still closed. What you’d do for another adrenaline rush right now, “’m fine Joel.” You tried to convince yourself more so than him.

“You don’t have to lie to me Y/N.”

“I’m just tired.” It wasn’t a lie. It just wasn’t the whole truth. Something you’ve grown very good at.

Joel wasn’t accepting that though. He heard you sobbing not five minutes ago. You weren’t alright and he needed to make sure you were going to be, even if you weren’t right now. He loved you too dearly not to try.

Joel’s always had a soft spot for you. Though he’d never dream about acting upon any such urges. No matter how pretty you looked… all the time. Didn’t matter if you were dolled up after Frank got to you or coming back from a weeklong raid. He found you simply stunning. All the fucking time.

Tess noticed Joel’s shifting feelings for her sister. She didn’t say a thing though. That’d make things awkward. She noticed how he always pulled back, never daring to make a move on you. How he seemingly pined for you from a distance. You were too unobservant of him to notice his longer than usual gazes. You were too locked in on your surroundings to pay too close attention to him. How he always double checked to make sure you were alright.

Tess considered Joel telling you how he felt. She would be alright with it. But she knew Joel would never. He was just like her. Beyond fucked up. He’d lost everything just like Tess had. You were the only thing that kept Tess going and Tommy was Joel’s reason. Although that reason started shifting to you the more he was around you.

You were so much like Tess but so fucking different. You had all her best qualities and none of her worst. You weren’t perfect by any means, but you were you. Y/N Servopoulos. Nearly perfect in Joel’s eyes. Surely more fucked up in others eyes though.

“This is going to hurt.” He waited for you to acknowledge him before he dapped the alcohol on the wound. The worst thing would have that stab wound get infected. It was harder to come by antibiotics than opiates these days.

Biting your lip when you felt the sting of the antiseptic you sucked in a sharp breath trying your hardest not to seem so weak.

“Sorry.” He softly let out after seeing your expression wince up.

“It’s okay. I’m fine J.” The nickname you gave him slipped right on out. Often being too lazy to call him his first name you opted for the first letter of his name. He adored it. It made him feel special. Like you saw him differently. Nobody else got a nickname.

“You were crying.” He let his thoughts roll out now, “I’ve never seen you cry. I’ve known you for twelve fucking years Y/N.” He kept his voice calm. He didn’t want to freak you out. All he wanted was for you to open up to him. He knew it was scary. He had a hard enough time doing it as well. But damn if he wasn’t going to give it a go.

“It hurt. The stab. Look at all the blood.” Speaking monotonously, tone even, you spread your arms out as if he couldn’t see the blood everywhere. It didn’t sound like you though and even you had to admit that. How many excuses for the crying could you make up before he believed you?

He rolled his eyes. You couldn’t miss it, “I’ve seen you break how many bones? Get stabbed how many fucking times and not a single tear has been shed. Not even one Y/N. What’s going on? You’re a terrible liar.”

You couldn’t think of anything to say. He got you. This was hardly a drop in the bucket compared to all the other close calls you’ve had. This was a simple switchblade to the thigh. Sure, it hurt like hell, but you’ve been in many much more precarious situations.

Telling him the truth didn’t seem like an option though, no matter how hard he begged. Who wasn’t depressed in this world? Why were you so special that you could cry about it? You knew you weren’t, so you had to suck it up. Deal with the cards you’ve been dealt. You’ve only cried a handful of times since outbreak day.

The first time was when you realized you were likely never going to see your mom or dad again. That was a tough pill to swallow as a teenager who needed her parent’s guidance. Luckily you had Tess, you would’ve never have made it without her.

The second time happened when Tess fell off a building that collapsed beneath her. For a split second you thought you lost your person and you fell apart instantly. The two of you hadn’t met Joel just yet. Somehow, she managed to grab a cable before the floor collapsed beneath her leaving her dangling for a moment before you realized she was alive and needed you.

The third and final time you cried was when you were put on the body burning shift. You came across a distant friend who looked like she was attacked from behind. Probably caught in the crossfire between some Fireflies and FEDRA agents. You didn’t have any friends other than Tess and Joel. So, when you saw her laying in the pile of bodies you almost lost it right then and there. When your shift was up you sat in an alleyway and cried for God knows how long before hightailing it home. Tess knew when your shift ended, and she’d be going crazy if you didn’t come home before it got dark.

You’d wanted to cry so many other times, but you held it in. You had to hold it in. For survival. You never wanted to be seen as week. You’d rather be seen as a robot or an emotionless bitch. At least you knew they could never walk all over you.

“What do you want me to say Joel?” You opened your eyes looking right at him. Studying his face as he processed your words. Confusion, anger and sadness all seemed to emit from him as he thought

“Why don’t you start by telling the truth?”

“I already told you. We got jumped by some random…” You were interrupted by a very distraught looking Joel. The man hardly ever displayed emotions. Just like you. Just like Tess. But now? Now it felt like he was out to get you. To make you feel everything you’ve tried to bury. And it was working. Fuck was it working.

His eyes softened before they hardened, “Cut the shit Y/N. You know what I mean.” He wasn’t angry. Not in the slightest. He knew this was just your defense mechanism. Play it off as if nothing were wrong in the slightest. Tess did the same. He did the same. A learned behavior. A product of your environment.

“I’m tired of it all Joel! I don’t know what the fucking point of all of this is.” You couldn’t bear to look at him as you let it out. Instead, you looked straight ahead, letting your eyes glaze over. He wanted to know what was bothering you, so you let him have it, “There’s no purpose to all of this. We’ll all get bitten eventually. That or either blown apart by a fucking bullet or sliced in half by a god damned blade.”

“Y/N.” He took your chin in his calloused hand so gently. So, fucking gently it made you want to scream. With a feather light touch he moved your head so that you were looking at him once more. For the first time in forever you felt your cheeks burn as he looked right through you. Like he was seeing you for the first time. Feeling exposed you tried to look away but his soft, yet unforgiving grip kept your head in place, eyes locked on him.

“Am I wrong?” You felt the hot tears rush to your eyes for the second time that afternoon. Boy, when the damn broke it sure wasn’t going to stop was it?

The softest expression you’d seen on him broke across his face seeing the tears endlessly flow down your face, “I don’t know what the point of all of this is.” He admitted wiping away the tears that has escaped with the pad of his thumb. It hurt him seeing you so down. So terribly unlike your usual steady beautiful self. But you were finally opening up to him. As much as it hurt him to see it made him feel so good that you trusted him enough to do so.

And trust him you did. You trusted Joel with your life and more. With Tess’s life. That was something you’d never take a gamble on.

“But I do know that even if there is no bigger purpose that you, and Tess, are my reasons to keep going.” His eyes traveled your face as you processed his words. You were sure you’d never hear such an admission from a man who’s lost so much. A man that has lost everything that ever mattered to him.

You saw the way Tess slowly shut down over time after outbreak day. She used to smile, pre-outbreak. She was engaged to be married to the sweetest guy then all hell broke loose. Tess was just graduating college and you were just in high school. Luckily you were with one another and managed to barely get by. You had no idea what happened to the rest of your family. Tess had no idea what happened to her fiancé. Life as you knew it was gone in a second. As quick as blowing out a candle.

It wasn’t like him to be so soft outwardly to you. He’d do it in other ways. Hidden ways. Making sure you were warm enough at night after you fell asleep. Making sure you never fell too far behind. This was different and you weren’t sure how to feel about it. A lifetime ago it would have had your heart in a tizzy. But now it almost made you nauseous. You were already so attached to the man. Add a layer of love and it’s over. It was so important not to get too attached in this world. Everything you seemed to love would vanish.

“Really?” You asked, not fully believing him.

He nodded dropping his hand from your chin. A small frown formed almost immediately with the loss of warmth his touch was providing. You always seemed to forget just how cold you got when you lost a lot of blood. A shiver ripped down your spine as your body attempted to warm back up with the lack of blood.

“Yeah, of course. So don’t say shit like that anymore. We can’t lose you. I can’t lose you.” He said as he finished bandaging your side. Tying the gauze in a tight knot making sure you wouldn’t be bleeding from that spot any longer. Not two seconds after he finished, he removed his coat placing it around your shoulders, gingerly moving your body away from the wall.

“I’m okay J.” You yawned finally feeling the exhaustion from the afternoon hit you all at once.

He shook his head as he took one of your arms slipping it through the arm opening and repeating it once more with your other arm. He sinched it around your waist knowing it was far too big for you. He hoped that’d warm you up a bit.

This was he part that sucked. The waiting game. It wasn’t like he could run you down to the hospital. The two of you would be questioned into oblivion and then tried for exiting the QZ. He’d only take you there if you were for sure going to die, “You’re cold. You’ve lost a lot of blood.”

Sighing you knew it was best not to argue with the stubborn man, “Tess is going to kill me.”

He shook his head quickly, “I won’t let her. I like you too much.”

A ghost of a smile crossed your lips, “Joel Miller being sweet.” You smiled full on now, lazily flicking your eyes over to the handsome man who was sitting on the wall next to you. Another yawn came out as you studied him once again. Your body wanted nothing more than to rest but Joel was making it hard. He was too damn distracting.

He grunted, “Don’t push your luck. Come on, let’s get you to bed.” He stood offering you a hand at first seeing if you’d take it.

“I’m too tired to move.” You felt your body getting heavier and heavier. Sleep just felt so enticing. It didn’t really matter where you were at the moment.

He chuckled. Another rare sound that you seemed to enjoy oh so much, “Oh, you’ll kill me later if I let you sleep here. Come on.”

“Whatever.” You nearly slurred sure the darkness was going to take over.

You heard his laugh before you felt his hands slip underneath you. Too tired to protest you felt yourself go airborne. An odd sense of comfort washed over you as he pushed your head into his chest, “Relax, Y/N. Just me.” He whispered into your hair that was covering your ear.

You let your body sink into his as he carried you bridal style into your bedroom. Setting you down gently onto the bed he shimmied you underneath your covers careful not to hurt the leg that was injured.

You whined at the loss of contact. The warmth being too strong of a feeling. You’d let yourself be embarrassed tomorrow. You wanted him now. Opening your eyes you looked up to him so he knew just how serious you were, “Can you stay?” You made the softest doe eyes you could, ones you knew he could never say no to.

You were right. He couldn’t say no, “Stay?” He asked again to confirm taking a small step towards your bed.

“Mhmm, I’m cold. Can’t sleep when I’m cold.” You hoped and prayed he’d oblige to your wishes.

He took another step feeling a bit more confident at your admission, “If, you’re sure.”

“I’m positive.” You patted the spot beside you, “Need you, J.”

Need you, J. He’d let the play through his head as he scooped you into his side relishing in the closeness he shared with you. Even if this were all he ever got with you he’d never forget it, not even a second of it.

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shadowofahope · 1 year

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Tell Me Again

Warnings: Mentions of sexual relationship and nudity

Pairing: FWB! Jungkook x (f)reader

Premise: You always knew what your relationship was. You always knew he was still in love with his ex. Now she's back, but you won't let him avoid his feelings.

Author’s notes: Hey Babes! I'm sorry I've been gone so long. After a death in the family I found out I was pregnant. So far this pregnancy has been really rough and all I'm really able to do is sleep. I'm hoping now that I'm in my second trimester I'll have more energy and the brain fog will clear. In the mean time here's a little drabble for you! 💜

Word count: 1.4K

masterlist

“Tell me again why you’re here right now and not running to her hotel begging her to stay?” You chide him, watching his naked form climb out from under your covers. Gathering them around you, you keep yourself comfy in the after glow. But still manage to eye him curiously as he moves around your space collecting his clothes, searching his face for what should be an obvious answer.

“It’s not that easy y/n” He groans in annoyance, pulling his jeans over his perk butt. The sounds of the metal of his zipper echo his uneasiness. Even after so many conversations about this topic it never seemed to get easier for him.

“Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy our little one on ones.” You throw a pillow at him, shifting his focus back to you. Quick reflexes he catches it before it collides with his still naked back. “But this is the same woman you’ve told me about since we became friends. The one you’ve never been able to forget. Her having to leave the country was the only reason for you breaking up, blah blah blah.”

“Yes, that one. But…” His fists tighten on the white linen of the pillow. His demeanour morphing into something anxiety ridden. “What about …. This?”

“Jeon, we both agreed what this was, and still is. Nothing has changed on my end, we are still friends.” You smile affectionately at his concern. “Unless you’re inlove with me then i completely get it.”

“HA. HA.” You both burst into laughter. One of the bonus’ of having Jeon as your FWB was that you had agreed right at the beginning to keep an open line of communication. No lines would be crossed behind closed doors, no accidental feelings, no possiblility of heart break or a one-sided loss. And as much fun as you two had together, other than physically you weren’t eachothers type. You fit well in the bedroom, but you regularly annoyed one another. Your personalities were a bit much, so being casual friends that met up only because your friend groups crossed was the best decision to keep you from killing one another.

“Besides your friend Mingyu looks like he could be fun.”

The smuggness in your voice is not lost on him as you feel the cool thump of a pillow landing on your bare back. “Be nice.”

“Just saying.” You grumble at him, sitting up allowing the sheet to slide off your skin leaving you bare in the chilled air. Neither of you react to it as you gather your hair to put it in a butterfly clip.

“I’ll give him your number then?” His smirk is still there as he rolls his eyes at you.

“You better.” Climbing out of bed you throw on your bra and sweater, sweat pants then glasses. “Honestly though, if your source is as creditable as you say then not only does she have an 80% chance of staying, but she’s also single. And by what your friend has said, it sounds like she’s still in love with you too.”

He hesitates, “What if I ask her to stay… What if I tell her I still love her and she leaves again?”

“You would have done all you can, it’ll still hurt. But this time you’ll know there was no saving it.” You sigh, you don’t have all the answers he wants to hear. You can’t tell him she’ll stay and they’ll live happily ever after.

They were both pursuing their careers, and unfortunately that took them away from eachother. But if it has brought her back and she can still grow here, with him…it would be worth the risk, in your opinion.

You watch him pull his shirt over his head, covering his abs. Standing to the side as he grabs his shoes from where he discarded them on his hasty entrance, he sits on your bed to put them on.

He catches at you staring intently at him.

“What? You want another round?” His stupid smirk and bunny teeth on full display as he cocks his head towards you.

“Like you could manage.” You taunt.

“Maybe not after the last two, but I’m sure I could get you there atleast once more before I go.” His cockiness really knows no bounds sometimes. His face may scream innocence, but his sex drive and dirty mouth completely shatter that image. He saunters towards you in an overly sexualized way, making it more comical than if he was actually trying.

“Get out Jeon. We’ve spent too much time together this week, you’re starting to irk me.” You shove him towards your front door, genuine laugh coming from him as he lets you lead him out.

“Yea yea. Like anyone could stand being with you any longer.” Sarcasm rolling off his lewd tongue, as you reach the door.

“Hey! I am a ball of sunshine. I’ll have you know people love my company!” You play up the hurt in your tone. You both knew you preferred being by yourself then with most company. It was a personality flaw you came to appreciate about yourself.

“Who exactly?” He mocks openly. “Drama characters don’t count.”

“....…. Go!” You bark. No serious anger in your voice.

“Bye bye” he scoots out your door, closing it behind him. You lock it, mind already going 100 miles an hour. You’d help him not loose this chance. Not again.

---------

Heels clacking against the cement slabs beneath you, the fragrant bouquet increasing your determination every step. Dressed presentably in a nice dress, long coat to give an air of ease, you didn’t want to over dress but then again you didn’t want to show up in sweats. Today would be an important day.

The light breeze feels like it’s pushing you forward. You know exactly where to go, you’ve done your sleuthing from his friends. If he thought you would let this go he was sorely mistaken. You’d never let him pass up this opportunity, after all this time. Never forgetting, never willing to let go.

Regardless, you weren't’ the type of person who sat by idly while your friend didn’t let himself an attempt at true happiness.

Marching into the hotel lobby, you don’t slow your pace. Heading straight to the elevator and pushing the button for floor 12. You smile to yourself in the reflection of the mirrored walls. You had a good feeling about this.

The chime brings you back and you step out onto the carpet, down the long hallway and stopping in front of room 1212.

Rolling your shoulders back you reach out and knock on the door.

“Delivery!” You call pleasantly.

You hear a sweet voice through the door answer back, “coming!”

Shuffling comes through the wood before the door opens, “Yes?”

“Special delivery from one Euphoria florists.” You hold out the bouquet of specially chosen flowers. You can see the look fash behind her eyes, the recognition of the name. A past she hadn’t forgotten, regret she still felt.

“There all-” Her voice trails off absently as she take them from you, examining each bulb and leaf.

“Your favourites Miss. This is a custom order for you, along with this card.” The astonishment in her eyes is not lost on you. Nonetheless you hold out the envelope patiently waiting for her to be ready to take it. When she comes back to herself she gently but hastily takes it from you.

“Oh, I’m sorry! Thank you Miss-?” An open ended question. One that you deemed unimportant for right now.

“Don’t worry about it.” You smile even brighter at her, taking a step back you take a step to leave, but you can’t help yourself.

“Yuri?” You say her first name, you can see the surprise ripple through her. “He named it after you, Euphoria.”

“Who are you?” Her gentle voice taken over by a slight tremor. Panic or excitement, you weren’t too sure.

“A friend.”

She takes a moment to stare at the bouquet in her hands, slowly a small careful smile appears. That’s the one you were hoping for.

“Thank you.” She offers you a hopeful smile, her eyes now looking watery from the pooling tears.

You wave to her as you retreat down the hallway back towards the elevators.

He was either going to grovel at your feet in thanks or you were going to get your ass kicked for the rest of eternity. Meh, you could take Jeon if necessary.

masterlist

#bts imagines #bts fic #bts fanfics #bts fanfic #bts fan fiction #bts jungkook #bts fwb #friends with benifits jungkook #love/hate friendship #open communication #still inlove with his ex #unrequited love #but not really #OC on a mission #reader x jungkook

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batmanisagatewaydrug · 6 months

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Hi sex witch, I (cis man, late 20s) have a bit of an issue regarding medication and my sex life... I'm hoping you can be a bit of a sounding board for me?

I recently started taking an SNRI to help with anxiety and sleep. It seems to be working (not perfectly, but there's definitely a pretty big improvement).

Currently I'm single and all my sex is solo, but I've noticed that since I started the meds my libido has significantly reduced. It's also more difficult to reach orgasm, and the orgasms feel... different? (Not sure how I feel about that bit...)

My main problem is trying to work out whether I want to raise this with my doctor when I go for my next check-up. I'm not in the market for sex with anyone else right now, so the only person it is affecting is me. The positives in terms of my anxiety are great, and the negatives are more "differences" than actual "negatives".

What do you think? Should I push to try a different medication before I get settled on this one? Or should I spend more time working out whether I'm comfortable with the lower sex-drive? I think both are reasonable, and I would appreciate your opinion - thanks!

hi anon,

PREFACE: I'M NOT ANY KIND OF DOCTOR AND THIS ISN'T MEDICAL ADVICE.

I just want to start by commending you for noting the difference between "different" and "negative." people are often taught to think of any change in their sexual function as automatically bad, when in fact it's often nothing more than a very natural fluctuation within their body.

in your case, that fluctuation is very common; many people report experiencing a decrease in libido after beginning anti-depressants. hormones drive much of our sexuality, and anti-depressants wreak havoc on our the delicate chemical balance in our brain - for the better, of course, because they ideally help bridge the gap for chemical deficiencies in our brains that make us feel Not So Good, but as a side effect functions like the libido can be thrown into a spiral.

it's worth noting that the change often isn't permanent; eventually, your body may very well acclimate to the new hormonal arrangement and gets back to business as usual. I can personally attest that my first year on anti-depressants saw my libido pretty much go dormant, but it eventually came back with a vengeance.

I'm not in any way, shape, or form an expert on how the brain works and how medication works in the long term, but as someone who spends a lot of time talking to people about sex and has been on anti-depressants for years, I have to wonder if part of the sex drive's return has to do with the effectiveness of the medication over time. many people have a hard time fully accessing their sexuality when they're suffering from stress, anxiety, and depression, because being horny - let alone actually having sex - requires an amount of mental space and energy that just isn't there when you're struggling to even perform the basic tasks that let you get through the day. again, speaking from personal experience, I know that before I was medicated, WAAAAAAY too much of my energy was getting burned up by my anxiety and the accompanying physical symptoms; there's not much left over for libido when all of you're exhausting yourself shaking and otherwise being a nervous wreck. turns out being horny is WAY EASIER when you aren't constantly on edge!

I will also point out that sometimes the reason people who aren't doing so great in regards to their mental health masturbate so much is for those sweet little dopamine hits that they're not getting anywhere else, which I don't say to stigmatize jerking off while mentally ill (god knows I can't judge for that) but to point out that after a few months with more managed anxiety, you may not even be as interested in solo sex as you previously were. or you will be, but it will look different thanks to the other positive effects your medication has had. sexuality is a slippery creature, and it's impossible to predict exactly how it will shift throughout our lives.

my point being, if you haven't noticed any other adverse side effects of this medication and you think it's going to help more than hinder you, I would recommend continuing with it for the time. you'll keep reaping the positive benefits in the meantime, and you'll have some time to reflect on those changes as they continue to happen and figure out how this new shape your sexuality has taken can still fit into the overall mosaic of your life. if you ultimately decide that you don't like what's changed, that's fine! but I would broadly advise waiting it out through the most dramatic shifts that will happen early on to get a fuller picture.

#sex edventures 2023

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amethystina · 2 months

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A health update (and a general explanation of my long Covid)

So while I've been pretty open about living with long Covid, I realise I've never taken the time to explain what that actually means for me and my quality of living. It's a phrase I toss around but I can imagine it doesn't feel all that substantial to a lot of you.

So I figured that now that I'm feeling a bit better (more on that later) I should do so. Partly because I figure it will make it easier to understand why I sometimes have to disappear for weeks on end.

So, if you're interested, feel free to keep reading under the cut :)

But be warned: It's long and kind of whiny. But also ends on a high note! So there's that.

The first time I caught Covid was around Easter 2020, long before there were any vaccines, which meant that I was hit hard. But no matter how bad I felt during the illness itself, the aftermath has been ten times worse. I've been living with my long Covid symptoms ever since, so for four years now. They worsened for a couple of months when I caught Covid a second time in February 2021, but have otherwise held pretty steady during those four years.

A lot of people experience different symptoms with their long Covid and, sometimes, they'll change as the weeks and months go by. I actually had a very interesting couple of months during 2022 when my sense of smell just went completely whack and everything suddenly smelled differently than it should. Like, I could be smelling an apple but it did not smell like an apple. It was a weird time in my life.

Anyway. My most common symptoms are fatigue, fevers, joint pain, brain fog, memory issues, incoherent speech, and lowered blood circulation.

(The latter actually kickstarted the Raynaud's syndrome I have on my mother's side so now I struggle with fingers and feet that will occasionally go white, bloodless, and completely numb at random intervals. Fun times)

The fatigue and fevers are the worst by far. For the past four years, I have had exhaustion fevers between two to five times a week. Or every single day if I'm unlucky. It's very much tied to how much sleep I'm getting, how well I'm eating, and how many taxing things I do each day. I need eight hours of sleep to be functional and anything less than that will most likely mean I'll end up having a fever before the day is over.

Unfortunately, I've always had issues with my sleep so, on most nights, I don't get eight hours even if I try my absolute best. Sometimes it's because I wake up too early and can't fall back asleep and, sometimes — because my life sucks — it's because my fever is so high that I can't fall asleep. Cue the endless cycle of too little sleep and fevers.

Because one of the main issues with these exhaustion fevers — and what makes them so difficult to manage — is that there's no way to lower them. Medicine has no effect whatsoever. Once I have it, I just have to suffer through however many hours are left until I can sleep and hope that it'll be gone in the morning. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't.

And every day my energy level gets just a little bit lower and the fever a little bit higher. Some days, all I can do when I get home from work is to lie on the couch and stare at the wall because I'm too tired and in too much pain to even watch something. And, again, no amount of medicine helps.

It continues on like this for a while and, every third or fourth month or so, the strain eventually becomes too much and I fall ill. My body simply shuts down from the continued stress and exhaustion, to the point where I can barely get out of bed. And, usually, I can feel it coming. On top of the fevers, I start coughing, then get a headache, and then my nose gets stuffy. And, by that time, I know I have about two to four days before I get sick. It's so accurate that my coworkers have learned that when I give the sign, they have to tell me whatever tasks they need to be finished within the near future since I'll probably be out of commission for one to two weeks.

But I eventually recover, go back to work, and so the cycle starts again. And again. And again. And again.

For four years.

All of this has, unsurprisingly, affected my quality of life to a pretty significant degree. I can barely work, let alone spend time doing any of my hobbies. I can't really travel anymore and, if I do, I'll get sick from the exhaustion. Even the 50-minute commute to the office (which I have to do three times a week) usually results in a fever before the day is over.

This inability to travel was how I ended up missing my maternal granddad's funeral. My shitty relatives didn't tell us the date for when he would be buried until there were only two days left and even if I could have put myself on an overnight train to get there, I knew I would be in no shape to actually be at the funeral if I did. So I couldn't go.

I did go to sit with my paternal grandmother as she was dying but, as expected, I got sick and couldn't return to work for a couple of days afterwards.

I also have to skip most birthday celebrations and any events happening on weekdays since I'm usually too feverish or won't manage the required trip to get there. My life has shrunk so much I barely recognise it anymore. I don't recognise myself. I used to be one of those people who could do a million things at the same time and somehow complete all of them. I was firm, organised, and efficient.

And now I'm not.

(... or, well, technically I am — at least compared to many others — but not compared to how I used to be xD)

Point being, a lot of things have changed and I don't like it. But, with that said, I'm also well aware that I'm lucky to be alive and I'm fortunate enough to have a stable job and a roof over my head. So, all things considered, I'm still doing pretty well.

But I also can't lie and say that this hasn't affected me in a deep and fundamental way. My life has changed and, right now, I don't know if it'll ever return to what I used to consider normal. And dealing with that knowledge — and the grief and fear that comes with it — hasn't been easy. I have cried ugly, self-pitying tears over this many, many times. It's frustrating to have no control over what my body does and to constantly have to be careful of what I do so I don't exhaust myself. I am furious that this happened to me.

But, after four years, there's also a certain amount of acceptance. And while I'm annoyed by my new limitations, I try my best not to feel too sorry for myself. Instead, I try to adapt as best I can, even if I might not always do it gracefully.

That does mean that I sometimes push myself more than I should, though. Because, if I didn't, I wouldn't never produce anything. As depressing as it is to admit, everything I've given you in the past four years has been while I was sick. I don't think a single chapter I've written or drawing I've made has been untouched by this. I've become an expert at writing, editing, and drawing even with a fever.

That doesn't mean I regret it, though — quite the opposite. I think that if I hadn't had a reason to write and draw, I would have felt even worse. A lof of the time, the excitement I feel when I'm able to post a chapter or show off a drawing I've made has been the highlight of my week. It's an accomplishment.

But, that said, it's still hard. Writing in particular. It requires a level of brainpower I can't reach when the fevers are too bad. And so, sometimes, I just can't. I literally just can't.

And, back in January, as I was trying to edit chapter 39 of Who Holds the Devil, I honestly pushed myself too hard. I was so determined to finish it that I didn't let myself see just how bad I was feeling — not at all helped by how emotionally draining the content of the chapter was.

It was only once I finished the chapter and posted it that I realised how absolutely wretched I felt. Not because of the chapter itself, but my lack of compassion for myself, I guess? Because the fevers were bad, I was barely sleeping, and I was both mentally and physically exhausted. And, what was worse, I realised that I was displaying depression symptoms I hadn't seen in over ten years.

All of a sudden, I got annoyed as soon as a minor inconvenience appeared. Everything people said to me was dissected into its tiniest component. I feared that people were secretly hating me. I couldn't meet people's eyes anymore when I was talking to them. I didn't realise I was just sitting there, staring at a wall, until several minutes had already passed.

And, as the final nail in the coffin, I stopped talking about how I was feeling.

And that, right there, is my last warning that I need to do something — always has been, ever since I was a teenager. When I clam up completely, refusing to admit to the people around me that I'm feeling bad, that's when I'm about to spiral.

So, the very next day, I went to my boss and told her that I'm getting burnt out and I need to do something NOW or this was going to turn ugly real soon. Thankfully, my boss is amazing and, after a doctor's visit, I was put on partial sick leave. Right now, I'm working six hours a day instead of eight and, let me tell you, I'm thriving.

Or, well, as much as I can while still having long Covid.

I'm almost angry at how much better I feel because, if I had known, I would have done this a lot sooner. I actually have energy now! I've only had a fever about four times in a little over a month! That's insane! It used to be four a week!

So yeah. I'm feeling better than I have in a long time. The downside is that the partial sick leave is still only temporary and there are no guarantees that I'll be able to keep it. Though, if need be, I'll just have to ask my boss to rewrite my contract and change the amount of hours I work because, man, I don't ever want to go back considering how much better and happier I feel. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I feel like I've gotten my life back. It's not quite the same as before, but close enough to it that I kind of want to cry again — but happy tears this time.

And so I've spent the past couple of weeks just... living? When, before that, it felt like I was merely existing. I've been drawing a lot since that helps with the depression symptoms (which are almost completely gone, thank god) but writing has been harder. Possibly because I forced myself to do it during a time when I felt really, really bad and now I'm instinctively trying to shy away from it. But, since I know that's just my mind playing tricks on me, I'm going to give it another try this weekend. I want to write and I miss the stories I'm working on. And, hopefully, since I'm feeling a bit better, I can maybe get back to a more structured uploading schedule. But we'll see. As always, I can't make any promises.

But that's about it, I guess? I'm feeling better and, since I am, I've been doing a lot of things that I wasn't able to before (like taking walks — I take a lot of walks). And I'm still trying to figure out my new routine now that I work less. And while I still get sick sometimes (I am right now, in fact, due to lack of sleep on Tuesday night) I always find my way back eventually.

So yeah. If you've read this far, thank you so much for your patience 💜 I admit that I don't really enjoy writing things like these since it feels like I'm whining — I was very much raised not to take up space or complain when things are difficult (an unfortunate side effect to being the middle child with two disabled, high-maintenance siblings) — but I also prefer honesty and transparency. And I feel a little guilty since there are times when I've given pretty harsh responses when people question why I'm sick all the time or why I don't upload chapters as often as I used to, but without actually explaining why. So I guess it's time to be honest?

And the truth is that I've been constantly sick for the past four years. Not only due to my long Covid, but also the emotional and psychological toll of all the loss, grief, and pain I've been through. These past four years have been rough.

But I'm not saying that to gain pity or make excuses. I actually think I've done pretty well considering just how hindered I've been. I've improved my drawings so much and have written... god knows how many words. I'm honestly kind of scared to check xD But it has to be over 600k by now, maybe closer to 700k.

I think my only regret is that I haven't been able to engage with you all to the extent I would want. I wish I could be a more active and enthusiastic participant in fandom — to seek you out, hold conversations, and give you all even a fraction of the attention you've given me. I feel like I don't offer you nearly enough.

But I also know that I have to accept my own limitations. So, for now, we'll have to settle for whatever I can give, even if it's less than I would want. But I will keep on creating, trust me on that, because I'm stubborn as fuck and even if my pace is slower, I'm still determined to finish what I start.

And that's the note I want to end this on. I have suffered, yes — more so than I may have expressed to you all — but I've still managed to create some beautiful things. And while I mourn who I used to be and the fact that some of you have never known me at my best, I don't think the me I am right now is all that terrible. Do I want things to change? Yes, definitely. But do I want to change the choices I've made and the things I've accomplished in the past four years? No, I can't say that I do. I'm proud of what I've done, especially considering my limitations.

And, if you're reading this, thank you so, so much for your kindness, compassion, and support. Some of you are old friends while others of you are new, but I am grateful to every single one of you. You have made these past four years more bearable. You have made it easier to keep fighting. You have made it worth it.

Thank you 💜

#Amethystina and Life #I don't really know what to tag this as #A rant?#A rambling?#An explanation?#It's just a lot I guess #And I admit I'm still hesitating whether to post this or not #I don't like talking about things like this #Or draw attention to it might be a better way to put it #But yeah #It's here if you want to read it #But do so at your own risk #Now I'm going to bed #And might just pretend I never wrote this because I feel awkward and embarrassed x'D

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purgemarchlockdown · 7 months

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Actually, something I've been thinking about since I read the timeline convos for the first time is the way Amane treats Yuno and Fuuta.

It stuck out to me since Amane is noticeably hostile towards Shidou and Mahiru for violating cult doctrine (which is even more interesting now considering Amane thinks Mahiru would be a good family member.)

Yet Yuno and Fuuta aren't treated with the same outright hostility. Even though Yuno is helping out Mahiru and Shidou, her interaction with Amane is overall amicable, even accounting for Amane's hostility at the start. (Translation Source)

23/06/27 (Amane’s Birthday)

Amane: What is it…… Kashiki Yuno. Don’t sit so close to me. Go away. Yuno: Sorry for barging in when you’re getting into your worldview thing. But Mahiru-san’s finally managed to get to sleep. Humour me with some small talk while I take a break. By the way, Amane. Have you ever wished you were never born? I’ve thankfully lived a pretty fun life so far, so haven’t really. But you seem to be struggling with something. So I kinda wondered if you thought like that. Amane: ……I don’t think that. Being born into this world is the first miracle any person experiences, and is something to celebrate. Even if after birth I was put through trial after trial, the value of that will never disappear. Yuno: Hmm. Ok. ……happy birthday, then. It’s good that you were brought into the world, I guess.

Yuno even Mentions helping out Mahiru, and yet Amane answers her question honestly and politely.

And Fuuta is getting treated by Shidou at this very moment, yet Amane doesn't act hostile, and she views Fuuta as "capable of being reborn."

23/04/19 (Fuuta’s Birthday)

Fuuta: ……! Oi, is it just you. Don’t scare me like that. You shouldn’t just stand there saying nothing. Hah, what? Did you just come to laugh at me for being weak? Dumb brat. Amane: No. I just came to observe. To see what people are thinking. To see who is being corrupted. What about you, Kajiyama Futa? Fuuta: I understand even less of what you’re saying than I did before. Brat, you’re on the side who weren’t forgiven too, right? ……so why can you still stand. Don’t you can hear it too? The voices blaming us. ……I don’t have the energy to do anything like this. Amane: It goes without saying. Because there’s something far more important than the voices of people we can’t even see. People are able to get back up again. As long as there’s something to guide them. Kajiyama Fuuta, by coincidence today happens to be your birthday, correct? Don’t you think it’s a good opportunity to be reborn? If, right now, you could shake off those around you trying to drag you down to depravity, and could change––

Yuno actually notes in her T1 Interrogation that "Amane looks down on Fuuta"

T1 Q26:

Q: Did something interesting happen lately in MILGRAM? A: It was discovered that Mahiru's quite out of sorts. Amane looks down on Fuuta.

But...what did Amane say love was again?

T2 Q9:

Q: What does love mean to you A: To spread mercy with no limits

Which completely recontextualizes all of this, it's possible that Amane is acting this way Because this is how she's showing her love, in a sense.

Amane is showing them mercy, patience, all the things she wasn't given. She's answers them politely, she believes Fuuta can "get better" she doesn't act hostile because Amane, to some extent, cares about them.

And there is precedence for Amane liking Yuno.

T1 Q10:

Q: Is there any prisoner you're close with? A: If I were to say, I guess it would be Yuno and Mahiru.

Again this begs the question of why she acts hostile towards Mahiru but considering I'm pretty sure Mahiru and Shidou are paralleled with Amane's parents and she didn't like both of them much it's possible that this association is what causes her to act more hostile. She's reminded too much of people who hurt her and thus acts more hostile.

#milgram #amane momose #milgram thoughts #cw child abuse #cw cults #just thinking out loud really

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aimlesspixel · 2 days

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I want to try and write a isat fanfic continuation so for now a first step on their new journey. Please give me your thoughts so I can improve!

The sun is warm, the smell of a fresh summers day wafts over, the darkless shades covering the field as your family walks alongside you. What a time to be alive huh? Vaugaurd is saved, you're free of the time loop, and your travels are picking back. The party back in Dormont was a good way to celebrate and you're glad for the downtime you got before setting off again with everyone.

Isabeau - "Madame, thanks again for getting the supplies we needed together yesterday." Odile - "It wasn't any trouble especially since they gave us so much as thanks for saving them."

They probably gave us a bit too much if you're being honest but it's nice that you won't have to worry about stocking back up for a while. You notice Mirabelle shooting you a glance and walk over.

Siffrin - "Something wrong?" Mirabelle - "N-no. I just wanted to see how you were feeling is all."

It has only been a few days since you managed to finally escape the time loop but after talking with everyone and expreiencing real days again you're feeling a lot better.

Siffrin - "I'm great honestly."

She glares at you for a moment as if trying to see through any lies you might have told before relaxing and smiling gently.

Mirabelle - "I'm glad, make sure to talk to me if you do start feeling bad, you promised after all." Siffrin - "I promise I won't leaf you hanging Mira." A slight smirk appears on her face. "Good."

Bonnie is as full of energy as ever. Actually they may have a more than before since you're all on your way to reunite them with their recently unfrozen older sister. What was her name again something with an N you're sure… Nico… Niel… Nille yes that was it Nille. The forest is finally coming into view which means you're about a sixth of the way to the next town. A pretty good pace if you all keep this up it'll only take a month to get to Bambouche.

It's pretty dark out now you've set up camp for the evening in a little clearing along the path. Bonnie's cooking up stew for everyone tonight. You sit on a log with Isabeau on your right as you eat.

Isabeau - "O-Oh Sif!"

He seems a little startled maybe you should have asked him but oh well he did just confess to you so he should at least be able to handle this much.

Isabeau - "H-how umm… how do you like the stew?"

It's a nice stew; hearty, warm, and delicious the spices compliment the meat well. "It's pretty tasty in fact I guess you could say…"

He looks at you with anticipation written all over his face. "that it's pretty stewpendous!"

He erupts into laughter - "YEAH YOU COULD HAHAHA!"

You catch Mirabelle giggling and Bonnie doing a small fist pump out of the corner of your eye. You enjoy the stew with everyone around the fire enjoying some light conversation. Finishing up you set your plate aside and Isa looks at you.

Isabeau - "Say Sif?"

He holds his hand out to you, you take it in kind and hear Mirabelle sqeak a little as you do.

"I was wondering… do you want a hat? I mean as your new clothing designer I've gotta know what my client needs so I wanted see if you need a new one seeing as we couldn't find yours even after talking to the head housemaiden."

Oh yeah now that he mentions it you have been missing it these last few days, it's kind of nice and kind of annoying not having it so it's a bit of a tough call you don't need it but it'd be useful too. You know whay if you're this torn you should ask Isa to make you a new one and just wear it as feels right. "I did wish for you to so... please do Mr.Amazing-funny-buff-clothmaster-Isabeau."

His cheeks turn a few shades darker "I'll make them the best you could ask for!" Even if it was the worst you'd seen you'd still wear them if Isabeau made them.

Odile sounding slightly exasperated - "Enough with the flirting you two. Clean your plates so we can all get some sleep."

#isat #isafrin #isat spoilers #fanfic #lgbtqia+#in stars and time

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nurgletwh · 6 months

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*pokes head up*

*sees the world still exists*

Huh. Look at that.

On a more serious note, having essentially dropped off the face of the earth from the perspective of almost everyone who's following me here or my works on AO3, I am alive. This was not in any great danger of changing any more than the normal (one can always get hit by a bus, for example), but it turns out I haven't been well.

My first clues probably should have been long before I found myself sleeping eighteen hours a day for 'no damn good reason,' but since there were also some extremely difficult and terrifying weeks at work and the stress that goes with it, it crept up on me.

Unlike previous times I've disappeared, it wasn't related to my mental health this time. Not that it's any better, really, because it turns out that my diabetes was creeping out of control. I wasn't monitoring the way I should have been, and I missed a doctor's appointment without rescheduling (which is terrible when you have ADHD, because fucking remembering to call someone to reschedule is damn near impossible).

Anyhow.

It turns out that chronic high blood sugar makes a person feel all sorts of crappy in vague and indistinct ways that, in and of themselves, don't really trigger a sense of 'something is wrong, I should see a doctor.' It just leaves me feeling 'bleah' and 'ugh' and unable to do anything but sleep when I stop moving.

I am so far behind on anything and everything fun. I owe everyone who has a pending comment on my works a deep and heartfelt apology. I didn't mean to disappear. I know several of you have been worried, and it turns out at least semi-rightfully so. Not that there was much any of you could do about it, which really just makes it feel worse. I apologize for any stress and worry this may have caused. I can't promise to never do it again, unfortunately, because I am:

a) human b) a human with ADHD, and c) a human who is horrible at keeping up with communication the way she should.

I want to do better; I will try to do better. I have actually managed to continue writing, albeit at an exceptionally reduced rate. That's picked up markedly in the last week or so now that my meds have been adjusted. Hopefully, it continues to pick up. However, I don't think things are quite where they need to be based on my personal blood sugar testing, but it's a strong improvement. I still don't have much energy, but when I get home after work and sit down, I only sleep for forty-five minutes to an hour, not four followed by crawling into bed for the night and still not feeling rested in the morning.

I hope to start working my way through my inbox on AO3. If you're following me here and see this before I get to your comment, hi! ♥ Know that I have read them all and they give me sparks of joy to think about, but I have been very emphatically squashing any guilt at my non-response for now. Feeling guilty is a potent anti-motivator for someone with ADHD. It makes a growing mountain that I can run away from like an Olympic sprinter, which means that the only way I will successfully get back on track is to not feel guilty or compelled, which is the opposite of how it works for many folk.

I also seem to have gotten into some fucked-up screwy mindset where my brain is telling me I have to have something ready to post (or nearly so) before I can answer comments now. Which is just... wrong. So very, very wrong. I'm working on that, too. Blood sugar fixing first, however.

Take care, everyone. I've definitely been thinking about all of you and have seriously missed having the conversations and speculations that go with successfully generating writing but also require successfully responding to comments. It's been a seriously sucky couple of months; here's hoping things improve.

♥

#personal stuff #my health #my life #mental health stuff

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peachyrayne · 1 year

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Safe (Phayu/Rain Fanfic)

Title: Safe

Summary: "Rain," Phayu demands, switching to that tone he uses when they scene, the hard, demanding one that makes Rain ache inside, and Rain shudders, the tears forcing themselves past Rain's eyes. "Talk to me, baby. Be a good boy and tell Daddy what's wrong,” he says sternly.

Rain whimpers. It’s that tone, the good boy, the reassurance that Phayu wants Rain to tell him that breaks Rain’s resolve. How can he not, when Phayu talks to him like this? How can he not, when Phayu is being Daddy right now. The comfort overwhelms the desire to stay quiet, and Rain gives in.

"Red," he gasps, a sob wrenching past his throat. His body feels like it's on fire as he squirms under Phayu, finally giving in to the need to get away.

Tags: Safe Word Use; non-sexual safeword use; not a scene but technically a scene; its okay to safeword anytime; Hurt/Comfort; Sensory Deprivation; Sensory Overload; rain is not okay but phayu knows how to take care of him; Trust; trust building

(Ao3 Link)

Notes: I've had this fic idea in my head for a while. I could just imagine Phayu would be very good at after care and knowing what to do when his sub safe words, so I wrote it <3

I cannot express all of my love and gratitude to everyone who helped me with this. Thank you to the discord for all of their support, to Khashana for beta'ing the original draft and helping to kick start my brain into solving the ending problem, and of course to imnotinclinedtomaturity for helping beta the final draft, and honestly kicking my ass. You always make me so much better.

It's been a bad day.

Rain's brain has been on overdrive since he went to bed last night. He hadn't slept well, waking up more times than he could count and never really managing to fall into deep sleep. His thoughts had been chaotic even in his dreams, and he'd woken up feeling like he hadn't slept at all.

He hadn't been able to focus in class all day either, instead tapping his pen against his desk erratically every few minutes until he caught himself and made himself stop, only to start up again moments later. Sky kept sending him irritated looks, but his touch was sympathetic the few times he reached out in an attempt to ground Rain.

By mid-afternoon, Rain's brain was a mix of muddled exhaustion and wired energy, making him even more restless. He could hear everything, and it grated against his nerves. His skin felt tight, unreal and unmanageable, until Rain wanted to rip it off of himself. He knows that by the time he gets home, he won’t have it in him to work on any of his assignments, but that he also won’t be able to rest with the weight of due dates hanging over his head.

He's nearly in tears by the time he climbs into his car at the end of the day, and can't remember the drive to Phayu's house, but the next thing he's aware of, he’s face down on their bed with Phayu sitting down next to him, a soothing hand rubbing circles into the small of his back.

"What's wrong, good boy?" Phayu murmurs softly, voice low.

Normally, Phayu's voice works as a soothing balm to Rain's frantic mind, but today the quiet timber just adds to the overwhelming noise in his head.

Rain whines in response, unable to manage words.

Humming, Phayu shifts on the bed, swinging a leg over Rain's back until he's straddling him, and gets to work massaging Rain's shoulders without a word. Rain wants so badly to melt into the touch, but he can't, and he doesn't know how to tell Phayu that his touch — any touch — hurts today. So instead, he keeps his mouth shut.

Phayu is doing him a favor, after all, something sweet that he doesn't often do outside of a scene, and even then, usually only after he's worked Rain hard. Rain should be appreciating the effort, whether it's helping or not, rather than complaining and asking Phayu to stop.

"You're so tense," Phayu murmurs, his voice still low, and digs the palms of his hands into Rain's shoulders harder, in a way that on a different day would probably melt the tension right out of Rain’s muscles. Rain lets out a groan, but it isn't from pleasure, and he's glad that he's laying face down when he grimaces into the pillow.

"My darling must have had a hard day," Phayu continues, leaning in close and whispering the words into Rain's ear. Rain shivers, and tenses even more, even as he tries to will his body to go pliant. "Let Phi take care of you now," he says, and presses a kiss to the sensitive spot behind Rain's ear. The spot normally sends sparks down his spine, but today it does nothing but make Rain feel on fire, and not in a good way.

Phayu's hands shift lower, still pressing hard into sore muscle, until he reaches the hem of Rain's shirt and pushes it up. His hands are cold to the touch on Rain's bare skin, clammy and not at all relaxing. Rain grits his teeth, willing himself to breathe through the sensation.

"Phi…" he mumbles, biting his lip the moment the word passes his lips. He can feel his safe word pressing against the back of his teeth, aching to get out, but he doesn't want to say it. He's never said it before, and besides, they aren't even sceneing. Safe words have no business in everyday life, after all. Rain doesn't know a lot about BDSM yet, but he knows that much at least.

He should ask Phayu to stop. He knows he should, but he doesn't want to disappoint him, especially not when Phayu is being sweet on him. Besides, it’s not that Rain doesn’t want Phayu’s sweetness, it just hurts right now, when Rain can’t so much as handle the lightest of touches. So Rain lays under Phayu and tries to take it.

The massage continues for a few moments more before Phayu shifts up and reaches for the bedside drawer where they keep some of their toys. Rain flinches at the sound of the drawer opening, something that Phayu doesn't miss.

"Rain?" Phayu asks, obviously concerned, but Rain just shakes his head and slowly unclenches his muscles. Phayu places his palm softly against Rain's side and waits a long moment. "Rain," he repeats again, more firmly this time. "Use your words. What's wrong?" he asks, his tone one of admonishment and command.

Rain whimpers. "Nothing," he croaks out, willing himself to sound calm, but even he can hear that his voice is shaking. He feels tears pricking at the back of his eyes, feels a lump forming in his throat, and holds his breath.

"Rain," Phayu demands, switching to that tone he uses when they scene, the hard, demanding one that makes Rain ache inside, and Rain shudders, the tears forcing themselves past Rain's eyes. "Talk to me, baby. Be a good boy and tell Daddy what's wrong,” he says sternly.

"Red," he gasps, a sob wrenching past his throat. His body feels like it's on fire as he squirms under Phayu, finally giving in to the need to get away.

Instantly, Phayu swings himself off of Rain, and climbs off of the bed. Rain feels blessed relief as Phayu's weight disappears, which only makes him cry harder because he's never wanted to be away from Phayu before. Phayu grounds him in his worst moments, but not today. Today, Rain feels like he's going to vibrate out of his skin if anyone touches him again.

Rain curls into himself the moment he's free, rolling onto his side and tucking his knees up into his chest until he’s as small as he can make himself. He wants to disappear as the sobs choke his throat, wants to erase this entire day, wants to go back in time and stop himself from spitting out “red”. he doesn’t want to disappoint Phayu. He wants to want Phayu on top of him, but he can’t. He just can’t, and it’s the worst feeling in the world.

Rain expects Phayu to admonish him, maybe tell him off for using his safeword outside of a scene, but that’s not what happens. Instead, Phayu says “Good boy, using your words for me.” He sounds strong and sure of himself, in control the way that Rain is not right now, and for the first time all day, Rain starts to feel soothed.

He whines at the praise, a mix of happy and confused, but his tears flow faster and he hiccups out a breath rather than respond. The inability to speak sparks more anxiety inside of Rain, and he squirms on the bed, terrified that Phayu will get mad at him after all.

He doesn’t.

“Can you be a little more specific for me, darling? Can you tell me what’s hurting the most?” Phayu asks instead, calm and most importantly — not touching Rain. Somehow, Phayu seems to instinctively know that touching Rain was the trigger, the way that Phayu always seems to know what's going on inside of Rain’s head, even before Rain knows it himself.

But when Rain tries to open his mouth to tell Phayu what hurts… he can’t.

He shakes his head.

“Okay,” Phayu acknowledges, and it doesn’t sound like a reprimand. He doesn’t press for more either, which Rain is grateful for, and for a long moment, Phayu doesn’t say anything else. Rain’s breathing is loud in his own ears, quiet sobs still escaping his lips as he tries to get himself back under control, but it feels impossible. Rain’s entire body is lit up in all the wrong ways, and despite Phayu’s calmness, there’s still fear sitting in the pit of Rain’s stomach that he’s done something wrong.

Gentle pressure on his knee startles Rain enough that he gasps, and he flings himself away from the touch as if he’d been burned. Over the sound of his own breathing, Rain manages to make out Phayu shushing him softly. “I know baby. You’re overwhelmed right now, aren’t you,” he says, and it isn’t a question. “I’m going to have to touch you a little bit to help you though, so I need you to trust me, okay, baby?” he says, and this time it is a question.

Shuddering at the thought of being touched, Rain almost shakes his head no, but then Phayu’s words catch up with him — trust and help and baby?. Rain feels relief swarm through him at the sheer knowledge of being known. Of being understood, even without words. And he does trust Phayu, more than he trusts anyone else in the world, even himself, so he nods his head instead.

Phayu hums. “Good boy,” he says sweetly. “I know that was hard, and I am so, so proud of you. I’m going to roll you over onto your back now, and then we’re going to settle down and I’m going to make you feel better.” The total confidence in Phayu’s voice works like a balm, and he finally starts to settle. He feels his body relaxing automatically, so attuned to Phayu and that specific tone of his that he just can’t resist.

Phayu makes a sound of satisfaction at the way Rain’s body has surrendered, and touches Rain’s knee again, this time more firmly and with purpose. Phayu grips Rain’s knee, and leads his body into a prone position on Rain’s back with the least amount of touch possible, and Rain is so incredibly grateful for it. His body follows Phayu’s direction without hesitation, and Rain feels his breathing start to slow down, just from that simple action.

His eyes are squeezed shut, and have been since he started crying, so it comes as a surprise when something heavy settles over Rain’s body. He inhales sharply on an aborted hiccup, and opens his eyes. Phayu is hovering over him, tucking a blanket in around Rain’s body with a look of absolute concentration on his face, and Rain realizes belatedly that it’s their weighted blanket. Instantly, he feels safer, his body relaxing further into the bed as the weight and warmth of the blanket seeps into his bones. While every other touch today has felt like nails against his skin, this feels like safety, and Rain feels soothed.

“Phi…” he mumbles, his voice coming out all stuffed up as he lets his eyes drift back shut. He wants to cry with how good this feels, and it’s easy to do when he hasn’t stopped crying from earlier, so he just lets himself go. The sobs are thankfully quieter now; less filled with fear, moreso of relief. It feels good to let go of the tension he’s been holding all day.

Rain doesn’t know why he hadn’t thought of the weighted blanket, but that’s what he has Phayu for, and he’s so eternally grateful as the blanket seems to settle right into his bones.

“Lift your head,” Phayu commands after another moment, and Rain does so without hesitation. Something soft settles against Rain’s eyes, the familiar presence of a blindfold, and Phayu ties it firmly against the back of Rain’s head. Rain lets his head drop uselessly the moment Phayu is done, and realizes that the white noise in the back of his head has started to recede. He lets out a shuddery breath, his eyes relaxing, and calms.

“There we go,” Phayu murmurs in satisfaction. That tone of voice is usually followed by the gentle sweep of Phayu’s hand against Rain’s cheek, or along his bottom lip, but Phayu doesn’t touch him this time, and Rain is so, so grateful.

“Last thing,” Phayu says after a moment, his voice low, so so low, and then the soft clasp of noise-canceling headphones presses against Rain’s ear.

The world goes silent, and Rain lets out a long, shuddery sigh. His body goes lax as his mind goes quiet, and he just drifts. For a long, long time, Rain just drifts. He can feel that he’s crying, tears leaking down his face from relief, but eventually that stops as well, and Rain is left with nothing but the peace of being calmed.

Rain should have known Phayu would know exactly what to do to help settle him. They’ve done similar things before with the headphones, something Phayu experimented with the first time Rain got overwhelmed with him – albeit in a different way. The blindfold usually works to amplify Rain’s feelings, but somehow Phayu knew that tonight it was going to help to reduce the sensations running rampant through Rain’s body. And the weighted blanket was so, so perfect.

Rain feels so good laying there, senses completely cut off, that he doesn’t want to leave the safety of this wonderful bubble. Rain doesn’t know how long he sits in total silence — the room dark around his eyes, and his body weighed down — before he finally starts to feel more like himself, but when he does, he finds it in himself to stretch lazily under the blanket.

He’s tucked in securely enough that Rain knows it will be difficult to unwind himself in the state he’s in, so he whines softly instead. He knows, deep in his bones, that Phayu is nearby. He wouldn’t leave Rain in a state like this on his own.

His trust is proven correct when a firm touch lands on his knee, and squeezes in what is obviously a question.

“Green,” Rain whispers on instinct, turning his head in the direction he thinks Phayu is and smiling lazily. He can’t hear it, but he imagines Phayu is chuckling indulgently at him, and it makes Rain squirm happily.

There’s another squeeze on his knee, and then the weight of the blanket starts to shift off of Rain’s body. He misses it in a distant part of his brain, but he’s also pleased to be able to move freely again when the blanket fully peels away from him, so he rolls over in search of the warmth of Phayu’s body. He misses Phayu’s touch, now that he’s calm, and he craves it deep within his soul.

Phayu’s hands find Rain’s shoulder, and he helps to urge Rain into more of a sitting position, re-shuffling them until he can press himself to Rain’s body, like he knows exactly what Rian had been looking for. Rain is confident that he did.

The blindfold comes off next, slowly but surely, until Rain is blinking into the dim lighting of the bedroom. It takes a long moment for his eyes to adjust to being able to see again, but when they do, the first thing Rain sees is Phayu leaning over him, eyes dark and warm, lips curved in a pleased smile.

Warmth courses through Rain’s body. He can’t quite grasp why he was worried earlier, but a hidden nugget of anxiety has been soothed by the look on Phayu’s face. He chooses not to fixate on it, instead reaching up to curl his fingers into Phayu’s shirt, just to anchor himself. Phayu’s mouth opens with an unheard laugh.

Phayu’s hands find the headphones next, but he doesn’t remove them immediately the way he had the blindfold. Instead, he taps on them lightly, another question. Rain nods, ready to be back in the real world, ready to curl up with his Phayu, and drift that way instead.

He wants to be touched, so unlike earlier, wants the reassurances that Phayu is with him and that – that –

Oh god. Rain safeworded earlier. He’d safeworded.

Anxiety slams full force into him, and he feels his eyes go wide as Phayu removes the headphones. Rain can feel his heart starting to beat faster, and some of that sense of calmness beginning to leave him at the idea of Phayu being mad, of being disappointed. He squeezes his fingers a little together in Phayu’s shirt, and stares up at him cautiously, the noise of the normal world just beginning to filter back into his head.

But Phayu just looks calm, not upset, or disappointed, as he stares back at Rain. Rain feels himself settle a little bit at that.

Phayu isn’t one to hide how he’s feeling. Phayu is always upfront with Rain. Phayu will tell him if something is wrong, he knows it.

“Hey, my good boy,” Phayu murmurs, leaning in close to nuzzle at Rain’s nose. Rain preens under the praise, and lets out a soft sigh. Yes, he’s still a good boy. Phayu’s good boy. He always wants to be Phayu’s good boy.

“I’m so proud of you today, darling. You did so well,” Phayu murmurs, breath hot against Rain’s face. Rain wiggles in pleasure, pleased that he did good. Yes, he’d safeworded today, outside of a scene no less, but Phayu doesn’t seem mad at him. Rain feels like the luckiest boy in the world.

It feels good to have Phayu near again, feels good to not want to rip his skin from his body. It feels good to know that Phayu isn’t going to yell at him, that Rain didn’t completely fuck up. It feels so good that Rain pulls on Phayu’s shirt, welcoming it when Phayu seems to pick up on what Rain is looking for and drapes his entire body over Rain’s. The sensation is similar to the blanket, but so much better now because it’s Phayu.

Phayu wraps his arms around Rain, and shifts them around until they’re settled more comfortably, with Rain still pressed underneath Phayu’s body but their limbs more settled against each other. The movement forces Rain to let go of Phayu’s shirt, but it’s okay now because Phayu is surrounding him completely, his scent in Rain’s nose, and his touch grounding.

“Better?” Phayu asks him, indulgent. Rain nods against his shoulder. He feels safe and secure in Phayu’s arms. “Good,” Phayu murmurs close to Rain’s ear, and leaves a kiss there. It lights Rain up on the inside, and he snuggles in closer to Phayu, wishing he’d do it again.

Phayu doesn’t kiss him again, but he does rub a soothing hand up and down Rain’s arm, and he does breathe quietly into the crook of Rain’s neck, a reassuring presence that reminds him Phayu isn’t going anywhere.

They sit in silence for a long time. Rain doesn’t need the silence anymore, but he’s basking in Phayu’s affection and doesn’t feel like he needs to say anything. His mouth feels a little bit cottony still from earlier anyway, so words wouldn’t come easily even if he tried.

Eventually, however, Phayu shifts slightly, moving so that he can look more clearly at Rain’s face, and Rain tenses at his expression. He looks serious now, somber almost, and Rain feels terror crash into him.

Is this it? Is this the moment that Phayu tells Rain that he screwed up, that he used his safe word wrong? Or that Phayu really is disappointed in him, and doesn’t understand why Rain would safeword at all?

“Shh, sweet boy,” Phayu murmurs, immediately recognizing the way Rain has tensed up, and reaching out to stroke Rain’s cheek. “You’re okay,” he says firmly. “But I’d like to talk about today.” Rain knows without Phayu even having to say it that it’s important they do, knows that if they don’t talk about it now, Rain won’t be able to think of anything else until they do, so Rain sags against Phayu’s body and nods his head, willing himself not to start crying again.

Phayu sits up, pulling Rain along with him before settling Rain into his lap so that they’re facing each other. Ran can’t quite manage to make himself look Phayu in the eye, though, so he stares at his hands instead, where he clasped them on Phayu’s shoulder when he moved them.

Phayu makes a noise of displeasure. “Look at me, baby boy,” he murmurs, but his voice carries command, so Rain does. Phayu’s eyes are soft as he asks “Are you afraid?”

Slowly, Rain nods his head.

“What are you afraid of?” Phayu asks patiently, but there’s something in his eyes that tells Rain he already knows. Rain wants to call him out on playing games, wants to pout and whine and beg Phayu not to make him say, but he knows from experience that that won’t work, so instead he swallows thickly and tries to make his voice work.

“I safeworded,” Rain eventually whispers.

Phayu nods. “You did,” he agrees patiently.

Rain swallows again. He should have known Phayu wasn’t going to let him off that easily. His fingers tighten against Phayu’s shoulders as he tries to force himself to say more. “But we weren’t scening,” he adds slowly, bottom lip starting to quiver. “And – and – you were doing something nice for me,” he manages to get out around the lump forming in his throat. His eyes sting with unshed tears, and he feels horrible, saying the words out loud.

Phayu seems to understand this, because he rests one of his hands on Rain’s waist, and reaches up to cup Rain’s face. His expression is gentle as he asks, “But why are you afraid, my darling boy?”

A sob wrenches its way past Rain’s throat at the term of endearment, and he lets out a pitiful little moan as he tries to get himself under control. “P’Phayu,” he cries, “I don’t want to disah-disapoint you!” he gasps, and tries to hide his face, but Phayu’s grip on him doesn’t allow for it, and Rain only cries harder. “Please don’t be disappointed,” he gasps around another little sob. “Please don’t be disappointed in Rain!”

Rain thought he’d run out of tears, but as he grips at Phayu’s shirt, he feels the sobs keep rising up in his throat.

Phayu’s touch on his face tightens as his thumb shifts to wipe away Rain’s tears. Phayu’s other hand rubs soothing circles into Rain’s hip as he sighs and leans in close. His forehead finds Rain’s, and he rubs them together gently. “Phi isn’t disappointed,” he murmurs very seriously. “Phi could never be disappointed in Rain for using his safeword,” he continues firmly, and tilts Rain’s head just enough for their eyes to meet.

There’s no mistaking the sincerity in his gaze. It makes Rain’s chest tremble with trust, but the fear sits heavy there anyway, and Rain doesn’t know how to make it go away. His bottom lip trembles as he gasps out another little cry.

“But – but –” Rain gasps. “We weren’t even doing anything,” Rain manages to get out, hiccuping at the end.

“Rain,” Phayu hushes him, stroking his cheek and wiping more tears away with his thumb. “I need you to listen to me now, okay?” he urges Rain. Rain does his best to nod, vision going blurry from tears.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Phayu explains soothingly. Rain starts to cry harder still, so Phayu releases Rain’s hip to instead cup both cheeks in his hands and wipe away his tears. “You were so good, Rain, telling me that you weren’t okay. You did everything exactly right,” he reiterates. For the briefest of moments, Phayu pulls back to press a kiss to Rain’s forehead, and then he’s back, foreheads pressed together, his eyes warm and sincere.

“Phi,” Rain whines. “Shh,” Phayu hushes him instantly. “All you have to do is listen. Can you do that for me, sweet boy?” Phayu asks. Still feeling completely unmoored, and more than a little bit confused, all Rain can do is nod.

“I think maybe I made a few assumptions about your understanding of safe words, and I shouldn’t have,” Phayu admits apologetically. “The most important thing I can ever teach you about safe words is that they’re made to be used.”

There is no question in Phayu’s tone, no hesitation or uncertainty that Rain can latch onto. He stares at Phayu with wide, confused eyes as he tries to understand what that means.

Rain doesn’t understand. He thought safe words were only meant for the most extreme of circumstances – for when Rain couldn’t take it anymore, and he needed Phayu to stop. He’d thought safe words were for bad doms who didn’t know what they were doing, not for doms like Phayu.

Phayu smiles at him, eyes soft, and presses one thumb to Rain’s bottom lip, smoothing over it gently. Rain shivers at the touch, and the sobs fighting to get out finally start to calm down.

“Safe words are about articulating that something is wrong in a quick and efficient way,” Phayu continues, his voice taking on the tone of a teacher. It’s familiar, and soothing, and Rain only hiccups one more time before he starts to calm. “Scening is all about communication, Rain. You tell me how you’re feeling all the time – in the way you move, in the way you touch me, in the words you say. But nothing is more effective a communication tool than using your safe word when you aren’t sure how to tell me what you need,” Phayu explains.

Rain’s brow furrows.

“But… we weren’t scening,” he protests quietly, his voice hoarse. Phayu nods, and reaches up to nestle one hand in Rain’s hair, rubbing it gently.

“No, we weren’t,” Phayu agrees. “But that’s the beauty of safe words, Rain. You can use them anywhere, anytime, for any reason, and I’ll understand that you don’t know how else to tell me that something isn’t working for you.”

Rain sits with that for a long moment. Phayu has always been so good at knowing exactly what Rain needs, exactly what he wants, and where to touch to make Rain feel so, so good. Rain hadn’t really thought about the fact that he’d been doing something special to give that information away. Phayu had always just seemed to know.

“But,” Rain starts, hesitating as he contemplates what Phayu is saying. He bites his bottom lip, and Phayu automatically reaches up with his thumb to pull it free.

“But?” Phayu repeats.

“But if safe wording means stop… and I told you to stop, today… and you did,” Rain says, trying to make the words make sense in his head. “It’s not that I don’t want you to never give me a massage again,” Rain eventually manages, pouting. Phayu smiles, and tussles his hair again.

"Oh, I know. We both know how much you love it when I take care of you," Phayu teases with his shark grin. Rain whines, and pulls back to slap Phayu on the shoulder, embarrassed. Phayu laughs, and finally releases Rain's face to instead wrap his arms around Rain's waist and haul him in, until their chests are fully flush and their noses are touching.

Rain's heart does a little flip.

Phayu’s smile slips away easily, replaced with a much more focused, serious look. “You know how I told you we needed to talk about today?” Phayu asks him, drawing both of their attention back to the matter at hand.

Rain nods his head.

“Anytime you safe word, we’ll talk about it afterwards. Could be immediately afterwards, or once we’ve got you settled down, or once we’ve got you somewhere safe, but we will talk about it,” Phayu stresses. “First and foremost, your safe word is about communication. Just because something wasn’t working today, doesn’t mean it won’t work tomorrow, while other things might just not work ever. That’s why we’ll talk about it, so that we can both better understand what you need, whether that varies from moment to moment, or day to day.”

Rain nods his head contemplatively. The tears have all dried up, and his head hurts, but he knows this conversation is important. He’d spent so long cluelessly leading Phayu around blindly through his own desires, and Phayu had done such a good job, but Rain understands now that he can’t keep doing that. They can’t keep doing that.

Phayu is always telling Rain to use his words, but he’s not sure he ever really understood before now.

“So…” Rain trails off, tilting his head down to avoid Phayu’s eyes, and then stealing a peek up at him from under his eyelashes. “You’ll still give me massages?” Rain asks coyly.

And Phayu laughs, jerking Rain into him and pressing sniff kisses all over his face and head. “Yes, silly boy,” he teases. Rain smiles, and curls his head into the crook of Phayu’s neck.

There’s relief, then, and it’s… good. Rain finds himself finally able to relax into Phayu’s hold, and he sighs as he realizes just how worn out he really is.

“I’m sorry, Phi,” Rain says almost as an afterthought – almost an afterthought, because it’s not really, not when Rain can’t help feeling bad for misunderstanding things so badly all this time.

“For what?” Phayu asks him, pulling Rain away from his shoulder to look at him with confusion on his face.

“Not understanding safewords,” Rain mutters in embarrassment. Phayu frowns.

“No, Rain. You shouldn’t be sorry for something I should have explained better in the first place. That’s my responsibility,” he insists

Rain pouts, not happy with that answer. “Well,” he pushes, “I’m still sorry!” It feels like he should be sorry, when he’d caused this whole mess in the first place, but Phayu just frowns again, and shakes his head at him.

“Rain,” he warns, the low tenure of his voice a shock to Rain’s already exhausted system, and he perks up, eyes wide. “It was my mistake. Not yours,” he presses, and Rain relents.

“Okay,” he agrees softly.

Phayu smiles at him, pleased, and leans in to press his lips slowly to Rain’s. The touch is warm, so warm, and it makes Rain want nothing more than to melt.

“Good,” Phayu praises, the words like a purr. He nuzzles Rain’s nose one last time, and then starts to shift Rain out of his lap. “Come on, up we go,” Phayu directs him, standing the moment his lap is free and offering a hand for Rain to take. Rain does, enjoying the way Phayu pulls him up off the bed. Phayu’s hand is warm in his as he starts to lead him from the room. “Let's get you some aspirin and some water. You’re dehydrated,” he explains, and he sounds like Phayu again, his domineering boyfriend who likes to take care of him.

Rain follows Phayu easily, already thinking about how good the water will taste on his parched throat. He imagines Phayu will get him something sweet, too, because Phayu always gives Rain something sweet as aftercare, and it’s always made Rain feel so cared for.

“How about hot chocolate?” Rain wheedles sweetly.

Phayu doesn’t so much as look at him, but Rain can see the hint of a smile pulling at his lips.

“Water first,” he orders, and Rain just grins.

#phayurain #phayu x rain #lita fanfic #love in the air fanfic #phayu lita #rain lita #phayu love in the air #rain love in the air

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