#sjm dear it’s canon now

[the-darkestminds]

A Dying Flame

Eris POV — my first fic

Heyyyyy friends. I decided to write the two scenes UTM from Eris’s POV where Lucien is being tormented and Eris is forced to watch. It can also be found here. I’ve never written anything before so be nice to me 😭 I took a few lines directly from ACOTAR to set the scene and make it as canon as possible, but the rest came from me. I tried to channel SJM's writing style as best I could. I am trash for Eris so I couldn’t resist. I hope you guys like it 🥲 title is dumb so I might change it. I am eternally grateful for any of you who choose to read the whole thing, I promise it’s not too long! 🙏

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Eris

I stood at the edge of the gathered crowd, struggling to keep the cool mask of indifference on my face as Amarantha once again had Lucien bound and on his knees before her. Would his torment never cease? He had never quite mastered the ability to keep his mouth shut, to leash his tongue until the moment it would best serve him. Lucien’s loud mouth had already cost him his left eye, plucked right from his head by Amarantha herself. Rage coursed through me at the role I was forced to play each day under this cursed mountain. How useless I’d become at protecting those I held most dear. 

Lucien and I had not exchanged honest words in over 30 years. I longed for the chance to speak to him alone, to beg him to hold his tongue so as not to draw Amarantha’s ire more than he already had. Not for the first time, I desperately wished for the daemati abilities the High Lord of Night possessed so that I might speak to Lucien privately. Abilities he was about to unleash upon my brother.  

Beside Lucien stood a small and ordinary mortal girl, likely Amarantha’s newest plaything to torture and discard.

“Her name?” Amarantha asked Tamlin, who didn’t reply. “I don’t suppose your handsome brothers know, Lucien,” she purred.

Give up her name! I nearly begged him. To hell with the girl. Instead I heard myself say, “If we did, Lady, we would be the first to tell you.” The words tasted like poison on my tongue. My brothers chuckled from behind me.

Amarantha only smiled and nodded at Rhysand. He cocked his head, his eyes narrowing slightly on Lucien, who hissed in pain.

I tensed as Rhysand began smiling faintly. Bastard. He was a loathsome, foul bastard. And though I knew he played a role and wore a mask as much as the rest of us, it didn’t stop me from hating him as he held Lucien’s mind in his clutches.

Lucien stiffened in pain. A groan slipped out of him, and– 

“Feyre!” the girl shouted. “My name is Feyre.” 

Lucien sagged on the ground, trembling. Relief shuttered through me, and I bared my teeth and snarled quietly at the girl to disguise the trembling in my hands, my legs. He was safe, for now. And no thanks to me. 

The conversation continued, but I let my mind drift far away. Tried to feel nothing as I attempted to calm my racing heart. I clenched my sweaty palms at my sides and allowed myself a quick glance at Lucien’s prone form. Alive–for now. 

I slipped back into the crowd as they dragged Feyre away. He was alive. I repeated this to myself as the cruelty continued through the night, as it did every night in this miserable place. Alive–as I sipped wine and smiled at the punishment the Attor was inflicting on the poor faeries Amarantha had singled out this evening. Alive, alive, alive a steady chant in my blood as the night wore on.

Alive.

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“Well, Feyre, your second trial has come.” I heard Amarantha smugly announce from her throne at the front of the room. A gnawing dread had been pooling in my gut for the last hour. I could only guess at what new horror she had in store for the girl, but I grew increasingly anxious when I did not see Lucien amongst the revelers. He tended to lurk in the shadows of the room, one eye on Tamlin, ever the loyal sentry. I couldn’t help the low snarl that escaped me at the thought. That Lucien was willing to risk his own life for the Spring Court brute. The faerie next to me skittered away at the sound.

I slowly made my way towards the gathered crowd. Faeries averted their eyes as I passed. It was a relief that I still commanded a modicum of fear from these leeches. Their fear of me was a weapon I wielded frequently.

Amarantha sat proudly on her throne. The Attor at her left, Tamlin braced stiffly behind her on her right. 

“Here, Feyre darling, you shall find your task. Simply answer the question by selecting the correct lever, and you’ll win. Select the wrong one to your doom. As there are only three options, I think I have given you an unfair advantage.” Something metallic groaned at the snap of her fingers. “That is,” she added with a snake-like smile, “if you can solve the puzzle in time.”

I had just gotten a glimpse of the girl when the floor where she was standing began to sink down, revealing a small chamber split in two by a metal grate.

I went rigid as I beheld the figure chained to the floor, previously hidden from view. A loud roaring began building in my head. My skin felt tight and hot as I saw that it was Lucien–Lucien, who would again be part of the night’s entertainment. Lucien wrenched at the chains binding him to the floor. I nearly puked on the throne room floor at the sight of it.

Only the many years of practice in my long immortal life stopped the cry of anguish from escaping me as burning spikes began to slowly lower towards Lucien from above. I was a fool. A wretched fool to think Amarantha was done torturing him. That she would not use his friendship with the girl again and again until she finally broke, or was dead, Lucien along with her. I made to take a step forward but then jerked to a stop. Nothing. There was nothing I could do to stop this without damning us both further. I would be forced to watch in silent agony as Lucien was slowly and painfully crushed under the weight of those red-hot spikes. 

I stared and stared at Lucien, only vaguely aware of the girl flailing and panicking in the chamber next to him. This was some new level of hell. My nightmare brought to life, one that I could not wake myself up from. 

“Answer it!” Lucien shouted, his voice hitched. My eyes burned, and I felt a cold drop of sweat begin to drip down my spine. Only sheer force of will kept the practiced smirk on my lips. The spikes lowered further.

“Just pick one!” Lucien shouted. He strained against the chains, panting frantically, eyes wide.

My brothers around me laughed gleefully, and I forced myself to join in, the sound a pitiful rasp in my ears. I was grateful that the crowd around me was thoroughly distracted by the horror unfolding before us. That they could not hear my pounding heart or the screaming inside my head as those molten spikes lowered another inch closer to Lucien’s body, helplessly chained to the floor. This was the true torture. Not the painful lashes I’d so often received from my father for disappointing him in one way or another. Not the loneliness and fear that threatened to crush me after so many years navigating the snake pit of my father’s court. But this. Forced to stand idly by as my loved ones were killed. Forced to hear the fear in Lucien’s voice as he begged the girl to just pick a lever and be unable to stop any of it.

“Feyre, please!” Lucien moaned. The terror in his voice nearly brought me to my knees. And yet I stood there like a statue. Maybe this was my punishment for being so useless. So worthless. I desperately wished I could take Lucien’s place. That it was me chained to the floor. I deserved it.

I held my breath and shut my eyes as the girl finally reached for the third lever, bracing myself for what was surely to come. 

Silence. Then–a sigh. From Lucien. 

I opened my eyes at the sound and choked down the sob building in my chest. The girl, Feyre, had actually done it. By dumb luck or fate, she had saved them both.

I did not stay to witness Amarantha’s reaction to the girl besting her once more. Could not stand to be there a minute longer. I turned, not seeing any of the faces around me, desperate to escape the swirl of both panic and relief pressing in on me, threatening to swallow me whole. I could not fall apart, not here.

I stumbled away to the back of the throne room and kept walking until I was alone in a darkened passageway, the sounds of jeering and wicked laughter slowly disappearing. I leaned heavily against the nearest wall and emptied the contents of my stomach onto the floor. My eyes and throat burned and I let out the broken sob I had been holding in. I would allow myself one minute to fall apart, away from prying eyes. Just one minute, and then I would return to join in the merriment of those who had cheered as my brother had nearly been killed again.

I breathed in the damp, cold air of the mountain, my body shaking silently as I sunk to my knees. I listened to the drip, drip, drip of water on the stone floor and used it to slow my quaking heart. When the minute was up, I stood. Tunneled deep down inside until I could barely feel the rage and sorrow. I brought the smirk back to my mouth–it was second nature after all these years. I took one last deep breath, and turned back the way I had come. I had been gone too long, and these caves had eyes and ears that were always watching, always listening–always reporting back to her. And though Autumn Court fire burned in my veins, I forced my heart to freeze over, as cold as Kallias’s ice. I let that ice flow through me as I walked back–as I blocked out the despair that fought to drown me with every step I took. Until I was no one, and nothing. 

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A small part of me was aware that I was in shock. I drifted through the following day as if underwater, not fully hearing the words spoken to me or how I responded. Through it all, I made sure to keep the haughty mask on my face. Only when I spotted Lucien across the room did I feel as if I had come up briefly for air. Our eyes locked, and Lucien’s mouth tightened in displeasure. He held my gaze, emotion flickering in his right eye–there and then gone before I could decipher it. After a beat he looked away and was promptly swallowed up by the crowd.

I knew Lucien despised me. It was written on his face whenever he deigned to look me in the eyes, and I let him believe I felt the same. As much as it pained me to do so, I treated him as if he were nothing to me, no more than trash to be discarded. I hated myself more with each passing day–was at risk of being consumed by it entirely and slipping deep into the burning pit of fire within me. It was sheer defiance against the bitch queen that prevented me from doing so. The hope that I might one day see Autumn again. So many years trapped down in the dark were wearing heavy on my soul. The steady fear that I would fail those I sought to protect slowly ate away at me. What I’d give to breathe in the crisp, cool air of home, to walk amongst the red and gold leaves that sparkled like jewels in the dawn light. I held on to the hope that I would one day return. Tucked it deep down inside where it flickered softly, the aching pain in my heart its only companion.

#eris vanserra #pro eris vanserra #Eris #Lucien #pro Lucien #pro Eris #pro lucien vanserra #under the mountain #amarantha #Feyre #sarah j maas #acowar #acomaf #acotar #a court of wings and ruin #a court of mist and fury #acosf #fan fiction #writing #my fic #Eris pov #eris fanfic #elucien #eris acotar #lucien acotar #Eris oneshot #Eris one-shot #lucien vanserra #vanserra brothers #soft Eris Vanserra

[taylors-fourth-cat-meow]

What are your thoughts about domestic violence? Sjm has written tamlin-feyre in such a realistic way that a lot of domestic abuse survivors identified with feyre and her emotional & psychological abuse (their comments were added in acomaf I think). So I want to know, since you're celebrating a canon domestic abuser while constantly invalidating his victim's trauma & making a mockery of something that affects so many women irl I just want to know what are your thoughts about domestic abuse and do you acknowledge that tamlin is an abuser?

I get wanting a healing & redemption arc for him but what I don't get is the fact that you're able to sympathize with & understand an abuser but you don't have the same sentiments for his victim. Why? Seems like blatant misogyny and normalization of abuse to me

I don't understand the point behind this ask because it's so very clear that they have already formed an opinion.

My thoughts on domestic abuse? Absolutely don't support it. It's a very sensitive topic and I feel that I, who has no experience or knowledge about it have no right to make my opinions about it and survivors in any way.

'Sjm has written tamiln-feyre in a realistic way" I- Speechless.

And since it seems that this person seems to know everything about me and this blog (even tho i've been inactive for months) they failed to notice where in countless posts I've said I don't don't like Feyre because she has suffered abuse. I don't like her because she is a badly written character. It's as simple as that? I won't sympathise or like such a poorly written character just because the author thought to gain her sympathy points. I accept Tamlin's abuse. I wasn't denying it. Wasn't denying the fact Feyre suffered it. But these are non-existent fictional ppl. You can only sympathise with them when u relate to them, understand them and form an attachment. I couldn't do that with Feyre because her holier than thou attitude kept coming in the way the writing is by any normal standards pathetic.

And since it is impossible for people to understand that you can't separate characters from their authors, I don't blame your precious Feyre for anything, I loved her in the first book and do think she had a lot of growth potential as a character, I blame Queen Maas for writing such a pathetic story with pathetic pitiful characters.

"invalidating the victim's trauma" oh dear I don't think it can ever be possible to invalidate Feyre's trauma considering its stuffed down our throats every two pages. (And I don't even understand by what u mean by that? I've never said she should go back to him that's the last thing I want? ) See? Feyre is not a real person. Stop treating her such. She's written, badly written by someone else. So when I say I don't like Feyre's character it's not her that I'm hating it's Sjm and her writing.

Now u may ask why I like Tamlin if I hate sjm's writing so much. See it's the way she kept changing his character as the plot required. One sec he's the mysterious handsome Fey the other he's an evil abuser and the next a selfless brokenhearted man. She paid so Little attention to him that it ended up creating a character that intrigued me.

And most of my posts are not rants or something like that, they're just like posts that cud make u smile or chuckle. And it's specifically for a certain small section of people who do find them funny hence the tags. Again it's mockery of sjm's pathetic writing not Feyre, or women who relate to her. Ig the tags should have been enough but if it helps I'll put up a warning in my description :)

#normalise abuse #ps if you think i am a misogynist and #with all due respect i dont really care about your opinion so.... #anti sjm #anti acotar #tamlin #anon asks #anti feyre #anti feysand #anti rhysand #anti sjm stans #pro tamlin

[freyjas-musings]

I keep seeing E/riels cite similarities between Gwyn “luring” Azriel to give her the necklace and Nesta having a realization about the trove when Gwyn is singing. I don’t like this way of thinking at all, but how adamant they are about Gwyn being a siren or light singer is giving me pause. I’m trying not to have Gwynriel bias when reading their arguments, but those type of theories just don’t sit right with me considering what we know about Gwyn’s trauma. Do you think SJM would do this? Still new to the series and just starting to read theories.

Hello Anon,

To start with ....

" Gwyn is luring Azriel to give her the necklace" ... Is that what they are saying ? Wow even their theories are shallow and lack common sense just like their ship preferences. What kind of low standard aholes are these they can't even think bigger??? Like lure the High Lord of the nightcourt to hand over his throne instead??? So she is now using her powers for petty shit like that sub-par necklace ?

🤣🤣🤣🤣... Sorry but they are such Clowns its just unfortunate , honestly doll you should just laugh at them thats all they deserve... don't dignify their shit with a response.

I don't like anyone associating Gwyn with luring powers and I have addressed the why in my previous posts but the main reason is these claims aren't backed by any Canon information.

I don't think the author would ever be insensitive in handling a character like Gwyn. At the least I trust her to give her a beautiful story especially given the fact that Gwyn is based on SJMs friend who is very dear to her. All of this is stemming from a stupid ship war .

People keep bringing back Nestas' reaction ... How can people forget, Nesta absolutely loves music ... she used to use it to drown out the noise in her head so music in general was meditative to Nesta .... so if she went into a trance, it was probably because that was an instance where Nesta could completely zone out... and Nesta accidentally sent herself into a trance. She also had started scrying, thereby opening up herself more ... see this lack of common sense of how hypnosis works is where they come up with shit theories ... that had nothing to do with Gwyn or the other priestesses it was the MUSIC

Coming to Azriel... the spymaster ... the shadowsinger whose shadows granted him someway around a high lords command (ACOWAR ) has mental shields weak enough for a siren to "lure" him ... especially for a spy whose job is to not divulge secrets .... can you see the big unfillable holes in that theory???

Gwyn has been singing in that library for a while ... how on earth hasn't clotho the high priestess observed it if she were to have luring powers ??? The high lord hasn't... the Morrigan hasn't... Amren hasnt? also, why on earth would she not have used her power to save herself and her sister ???

The fact is they only have two options ... they can either accept that Az and Gwyn are mates and that's why he is subconsciously drawn to her or they need to come up with theories that makes their horrid ship thats about to sink stay afloat atleast for a little while longer.

#gwynriel #gwyneth berdara #pro gwynriel #gwyn acosf #gwyn x azriel #acotar #azriel shadowsinger #azriel #post acosf #acosf theory

[elrielbaby]

I’m so seriously considering deleting tik tok. It’s not even the amount of garbage takes there are on there (to the point I find it disturbing) but it’s the people on there who are all too willing to spout these takes as either canon or that there is genuine truth behind these theories. I’m going to speak loud & clear on one of these theories that a lot of us have seen tonight.

Elain, who loves her sisters & family is not going to fall in love with her sisters abusive ex fiancé. Let that sink in. Her sisters abusive ex fiancé.

Her liking flowers & gardening, does not mean she’s going to fall in love with her sisters abusive ex fiancé.

‘Nesta was going to originally end up with L*cien so the drawers are meant to foreshadow endgame romances’ so Sarah didn’t write Cassian & Nesta with a lot of fire energy? Something she’s also done for Elain & Azriel, (written them with a lot of floral wording eg ‘bloom’) as well as him owning an estate called Rosehall & him gifting her Rose Necklace for solstice.

‘Azriel cannot be Llew because of his entitlement to her over the brothers/sisters saying’ first of all, and her sisters abusive ex fiancé can?! And that is first of all showing your bias and not at all what I think SJM intended for us to read of that moment. I think she expected us to know that - hey there’s been something building with these two for 4 books now, before anyone had a clue that Nesta & Cassian were mated so it cannot be for that reason & also, to at least know that Azriel has such a dim view of himself that he has never felt entitled to anything in his life.

The trembling fawn & fanged beast line was used to say that the fanged beast part of that line was for Taml*n. In a line where the book of breathings was directly addressing the sisters, you think it brought up Feyre, Nesta, Elain & then Ta*lin?! Neither of the other sisters love interests were brought up in that line, so prey tell, why would Elain’s?

So, in this scenario, Luc*ien ends up was Vassa & Az ends up with G*yn. G*yn at present isn’t even sure she’ll leave the library for her dear friends mating ceremony. She was never written as a romantic character.

It is so messed up. First, Bryce & Az are mates. Second, Elain was pregnant when she went into the cauldron. Third, Mor was pregnant when she was tortured by her family & miscarried. At what point do we say, it’s enough? I actually think it’s an insult to SJM & her work for people to twist things like this. They lack foundation, context & the twisting of the text is next level.

So, buckle up Elriels, looks like we’re in for a fresh wave of T*mlain shippers.

#pro elriel #elriel #elriel forever #anti whatever the fuck this is #anti Tamlain #I guess #so fucking weird that this is even considered a ship when they’ve had NO interaction #and also I’ll say it again THATS HER SISTERS EX ABUSIVE EX FIANCE #him just being her ex fiancé is enough

[nikethestatue]

I think the shipwar would never end even tho we have the announcement, the only great thing about is is that we can finally stop at "whose book it's gonna be" but the slander will continue. Many will cry "fanservice" and Elriels (without any doubt, despite being relieved) will still post every Elriel build up to prove the other sides that "THIS! THIS IS THE BUILD UP WE'VE BEEN TALKING ABT AND THE BUILD UP YOU ERASED IN YOUR DEAR HEADS" and it'll still be messy. Ig the only consolation is that finally, they can stop barking their ship will happen. All they're gonna do is cry abt it and disrespect the book and characters like pathetic human beings.

I guess the only way to prevent this is if SJM and BB will start hinting MORE (becaue breads and roses and every canon isn't enough) they need MORE hints so this side of the fandom could shut up and move on before the acotar 5 comes out.

I'd honestly hate it if they'll bark on the internet (tho it'll also be so funny!) and burn the book.

Here is what I am thinking as I am watching this--I can't IMAGINE for a moment that 96% of Gwynriels are all that invested in any of this. Meaning, it's not like they have this massive love for the series. Not like they have been reading this for years and are intensely and emotionally involved with the characters. Half of them havent read anything beyond ACOSF. A bunch, only saw fan arts and read the POV. They came into the fandom through massive hype on Insta and TikTok.

Now, it's about winning the 'war'. That's why they are hanging around.

Does anyone really think that anyone has that much energy to crave Gwynriel THIS strongly? Maybe like 2%, who are true fanatics. The rest are in it for the ride.

The moment they realise that Gwynriel isnt happening, they'll drop the series and the books faster than Elain's hot potatoes. There is literally nothing in Gwynriel that is special and that cannot be read in a thousand other YA Fae fantasy books.

That's why no one's ever been able to come up with a plausible Gwynriel book plot. Started off with the Illyrian plot, and no that it's not happening, all they do is either try to simply replace everything Elain's with Gwyn or desperately attach her to other players. She is Lucien's daughter! She is Tamlin's daughter! She is starborn! She is going to go to Lunathion with Bryce! Absolutely anything to make her relevant.

[acourtofthought]

Well, we know how are dear friends e/riels are pros in changing, editing and ignoring canon as fit for them. So my question is... when the next book is out (and if) and their couple doesn't turn to be canon, what do you think they're going to say? My bet is that it going to be something in the line of fanservice, or to forget what SJM herself said (that each book now on is going to be a stand alone for each couple) and still wait for the e/riel book.

But tell me what you think.

Love your content, have a nice day💕💖

I do imagine there will be a good portion of the E/riel fandom that insists SJM merely caved under pressure from fans, from her editors, from (insert other person that they believe could sway SJM). And I agree with you, that there will still be some that believe Elain will simply receive a second POV where she and Az end up together. I'm not sure what good it does to disregard what the author has said about HER own stories especially when the information she gave to us has nothing to do with specific characters. She has stated that she appreciates when readers enjoy the direction her writing takes however it doesn't affect what she writes about yet some think that she doesn't know her own mind? Some think that what a reader wants to read about is more important that what SJM feels is right for the characters and world she created? Also, "Each of the books going forward will feature a new / different romantic pairing as the protagonists". Where in that is anyone getting, "except for Elain's book, she's going to get two" even though Nesta, one of SJMs FAVORITE characters, was only given one? I truly believe Elucien is endgame but if they're not, I will accept that SJM never intended for them to end up together and will hopefully enjoy the book she does give us. I hope if the reverse is true and Elucien is endgame, E/riels will accept that it was SJMs vision all along and they don't spend their time trying to ruin the experience for other members in the fandom. Thank you for sending me a message I hope you've had a wonderful weekend so far! ❤️❤️❤️

[acourtofantumbra]

A quick lil intro/disclaimer before I get started

Who am I?

An elder millennial with a brutal 9-5 who looks for all things escapism at the end of the day

Lifelong lover of fantasy novels, shows, films 

Will either crush a book in a day or two months there is no in between

Recent-ish convert to the Maas-iverse. 

A real nerd for world history, mythology, lore, sciences, and much more

A very good cook

I’ll hopefully spruce this up a bit more and let y’all know about all the books/fandoms I’m a part of. For now is Maas Destruction in my life. 

Probably won’t really talk about me/my personal life/etc. my company is super public facing and we’re not encouraged to have creative projects like these that reflect on the brand in anyway. So it goes. Capitalism is hell!

*SPOILERS FOR SARAH J MAAS BOOKS* *ALWAYS* *FOREVER* *PLZ YOU’VE BEEN WARNED* 

Ok, so a day I never thought would come has… well… come. I made a tumblr to suss out Sarah J Maas Universe theories. Do I think anyone will ever organically come across this? No, definitely not. Probably not. But if you do, hey bud! Let's geek out about this stuff and put on our matching tinfoil hats.

So… who am I to enter this very intense world? Absolutely freaking no one. 

I do not pretend to be an expert. There are SJM scholars out there and I’m not one of them. I do not pretend to have any answers. I’m having fun and just trying to enhance my own reading experience and waiting (for the next CC and ACOTAR books) experience.

Also, I am old enough that my dear, sweet, Tumblr community (like “Do not cite the Deep Magic to me, Witch. I was there when it was written” vibes)… the ship wars are simply not a thing I’m gonna engage with... antithesis of interest in it. Since entering this passionate, gorgeous, delightfully nerdy fanbase… I’ve been pretty disturbed seeing the vitriol shippers throw at each other. It often deals with mishandling or, even worse, essentially weaponizing some of the more difficult themes scattered throughout the SJM Multiverse that are very real, and very upsetting, in our world. Words fail to explain how not worth it every part of this reading experience is to me to bring up triggering subject matter to a community of people I don’t know, whose histories I don’t know, in service of having my ship “win.” These are ultimately not real people, but the people behind these screens are. I’m always here to celebrate someone who is thrilled with where a character goes and offer empathy when a character arc disappoints them. There are no teams just people you’re happy to geek out with over the same stories.

It’s a reader’s universal truth: we’re all drawn to different characters and favorites emerge! It’s part of really falling into a richly developed world. And it’s why fantasy series can be the most fun! You never know where you’re going until the threads are connected. Usually, the answers were hiding in plain sight. We’ve only got what’s canon — and our own insanity — to guide us

I have speculations, of course, and I’ll talk about them as they pertain to plot and world building. My only real interest here. The romances are so fun (and sometimes spicy), but they’re a step on the path to where everything is headed. I find that interesting! 

If you’ve come for a fight, just know I’m not going to engage. I mean you’d really be wasting your breath because canon truths have never deterred me anyway. I was raised by Dramione fan fiction so I can promise you that we want different things from the reading experience. There is simply no cost for me “losing” whether that’s speculating on plot, romances, or what color the next cover will be. No stakes. No shame. No impact on my life if my guess that CC3 will actually break into the world of Greta Gerwig’s Barbie movie shockingly doesn’t come to pass (but wouldn’t that be something?). It’s firmly within my right to dream big in whatever way I want to even if it’s like, “Oh honey, what is going on in your brain right now?” 

If I ever feel so bold as to build a case from my curiosity and speculations it will be just that. No winners. No losers. Just hm… you know what I was just drawn to and what rabbit hole it led me down? If that upsets you and your enjoyment of any of these books I’m genuinely so sorry! I encourage you to scrub what you’ve read here and move onto content that does in fact spark joy. It’s a tough world out there and before CC3 comes out and crushes us… we all deserve to luxuriate in whatever joy keeps us coming back to this fandom and deeply fun multiverse. 

That being said, I mentioned not having answers. I don’t. I really don’t. My name is not secretly Sarah J Maas, I promise. But I’ve always loved research and comparative reading. I’m a lifelong mythology, magic, and fantasy nerd who loves studying its history FOR FUN! So you’ll most likely find posts referencing canon information and connecting it with the SJM Multiverse or to references from other places (ex. history, other fantasy stories, etc.). Specifically bringing up little tidbits I have seen in other places perhaps and would revel in any superior brain out there taking those kernels and running with it! 

So how did I get here? Well it all started with me hating A Court of Thorns and Roses…

But long before that, reading Tamora Pierce in my youth was a gateway drug to the world of high fantasy. Also, as I mentioned, reading a healthy dose of Harry Potter (and its various not based in any canon fan fiction). They fueled a lifelong obsession with easter eggs and the fantasy genre. Reading/watching Game of Thrones sealed the deal (among countless other series) on both fronts. 

**For what it’s worth, the incredible spirals fans descended into ended up being far more fun than how GOT (at least the show) ended! Just sayin’. It’s so fun. I’m glad to be back.**

When it comes to SJM she’s bringing out the big guns — the tropes and world building tools I am an absolute sucker for. I have always been a massive nerd for mythology, I love a world with magic, I LOVE multiverses, and I love a magical/supernatural world with hidden rules. It’s like the most unhinged scavenger hunt you’ve ever been on.

That being said, I came to the ACOTAR world via a perfect storm. I downloaded TikTok during the pandemic (who among us didn’t?) and saw kept hearing about a fantasy series everyone and their moms (Hi moms! You’re the best SJM fans! I aspire to be you one day!) were reading. 

I probably hadn’t read a fantasy series since GOT and, frankly, since graduating college had stopped reading for pleasure altogether. No one I knew read fantasy and, if you’re reading this, you know how it goes… people are either down as fuck or you’re revealing the nerdiest part of your soft under belly lol. But I was in and out of lockdowns, running low on TV shows, and had just watched Shadow and Bone, promptly gobbled down the books, and ya girl was ready for her fantasy return. 

So I purchased the first ACOTAR book… and it took me two months to read it. I even tried doing the audiobook and actually found that to be way worse lol. Why? The answer starts with a ‘T’ and autocorrects to “Tampon” on iMessage. The world building was aggressive (Sarah’s greatest gift gives and it takes), but I found the romance unpalatable (I’m a woman of taste ;) ) and wasn’t always sold on the main character (Feyre is a peach, but isn’t my favorite plot mover).

Finally, I finish ACOTAR and think, “WTF? This is what everyone is so hyped about?” **I have come to learn now that that’s actually sometimes how the BookTok famous fantasy “it book” can be (the list is too long).** But then I saw a BookToker who effectively said, “It’s a good thing ACOMAF is so fun because you have to suffer ACOTAR to get to it.” It was the pandemic… I had nothing better to do than give SJM a second chance. 

Obviously ACOMAF is the fun romp that it is with a solid twist I mostly saw coming. With darling Rhys running the show, I breezed through the trilogy. But I also noticed, now that we had gotten the 101-301 level SJM course that is ACOTAR over with, I was luxuriating in this world building. And actually everything that was being added to it was fascinating as opposed to taxing. But on my first read, without having ever been exposed to TOG, I was taking note of things, delighting in the twists and reveals, but not really getting too deep with it. 

I struggled with ACOWAR a bit (something that’s not as much the case on a second read with all I know now). By the time I got to ACOFAS I was firmly back in the, “Ok, wtf is this?” camp. Chaotically, I failed to notice ACOSF existed and thought ACOFAS was the last book and figured that was the end of it. Would I return to the series if there were more books (there was one… sitting right there)? Maybe! Who could say? And then… I kinda forgot about SJM’s world. 

Then I moved into an apartment on my own… in a new city…. across the country. I hadn’t sunk my teeth into a new, equally satisfying, fantasy world since. I’d tried a couple of things, but my reading slump was back. And so here’s how my full on SJM addiction manifests: 

I move into my new apartment and begin reading SO many books - from literary books of the moment to romance to spicy romance to fantasy to wait is there more spicy fantasy? To reading so much new adult fantasy romance. 

I became addicted to my local library. Support your local library!

I pick up Crescent City HOEAB at the library and think, ‘Oh, I didn’t know the ACOTAR lady had another series… hm sounds different… urban fantasy? Ok, then why the hell not?’ 

Two days later, I’m honestly kind of in love with HOEAB in a way that felt deeply surprising. The first half is the most intense world building class, but once you get into it it’s free falling. 

But I’m becoming incredibly suspicious of the similarities with ACOTAR throughout CC. But it’s also been over a year since I’ve read the series… so it remains just a suspicion. Perhaps the coincidences were just different enough to feel like… idk… lazy mistakes (I know better now… ok)? But whatever I was smitten with the noir style storytelling (something I MISSED in HOSAB)

I go on a chaotic spiral into mythology inspired by HOEAB and realize that a bunch of hits are coming up for A Court of Silver Flame… and I’m like, ‘Wait there’s a whole Nesta book? It wasn’t the weird Christmas novella? Oh, shit.’ 

I read ACOSF in One. Freaking. Day… ok one entire day day and night and needed to drink all of the caffeine to make it through the following work day. I have no shame in it being my favorite ACOTAR with 2nd place (ACOMAF) not coming particularly close.

The theory stringing begins here, but it’s more instinctual than actual concrete ideas. In fact most of the theories I have are all little kernels and ideas I kept noticing before I ever really knew there was anything to notice. 

Then once again, I realize there is another SJM book recently released (Look, I cannot stress how little I was paying attention and not one friend of mine would ever, ever read an SJM). And it’s Crescent City 2… I can’t find it at my local library so I fork over more money to Ms. Maas and I read HOSAB in two days. Obviously… I shriek in delight at the end and think, ‘Oh, this is more than I could have ever hoped for… also is this woman a crazy genius?’ How I was able to not spoil things for myself considering I was just out here not paying attention… I’ll never know. All the sudden it’s like my brain wakes up and it’s screaming at me and it looks like this:

I start having THE most fun catching up on the theory threads on this very platform, Reddit, twitter, TikTok, wherever. It becomes the most fun book post mortem ever and I think to myself, ‘Wow you should puzzle some theories out yourself.’ Notably, I do not do that... but I have certain questions I’m routinely drawn back to. I consume so many TikTok theories.

The deeper I get into the CC3 convos, the more people are referencing TOG… I had known vaguely about it, but never had any interest in reading it. Eventually, I think to myself… ‘ok, I am having so much fun… but do I really want to read her actual YA series?’ (Again, I know now that I was wrong… forgive me)

I get the first TOG book from the library. I read one chapter.

I return the the first TOG book to the library. 

A month passes… I want to understand what SJM multiverse people are saying. Who tf are Rowan and Aelin? What’s an Elide? Did I miss who Yrene is? I concede. One book… how hard can one book be? If I hate it I don’t have to read all 700 books in the series. (spoiler alert: turns out… still not enough!)

I read TOG… I don’t love it, but I love this Celaena chick. Whomst is she? So weird how no one has mentioned her when talking about TOG. 

I read COM… ok now… this is actually getting pretty good. 

I read HOF and realize that, for me, this is the superior series in the SJM world by far… I see so much of the Tamora Pierce heroines I adored in Aelin and have fallen in love with this world. Rowan as a love interest is very much the trope machine I fall victim to. I also realize that, in the grand scheme of the SJM U multiverse, TOG is obviously the mf blueprint.

I crush the entire TOG series in a month. I am very tired at work. 

As of writing this post, it’s been less than month since I finished TOG. No, I haven’t yet fully recovered from the emotional damage caused by KOA. But, thank you for asking. *sobs*

I make no apologies for what I’m about to say: I really liked TOD not because I love Chaol (come on now…), but because that book is the world building book (followed closely by KOA). 

I have the crushing realization that I’ve completed the SJM Universe thus far… and begin a messy unintentional ACOTAR reread while playing around with a bunch of threads of thought that have bubbled up while reading CC and TOG. 

I also buy all of the books and my bank account asks me who the fuck I think I am. 

So that is my messy journey from being a step under neutral about the SJM Universe to what one might call… “too invested.” 

It’s gorgeous and we love this journey for me. 

So I cannot overstate this enough: I have not put the years, blood, sweat, tears, and $$$ into various SJM items that any mega fan has. If those fans have intentionally built something beautiful for themselves here and exercised the patience I’ve only heard attributed to monks… then I am a bridge troll who accidentally fell down a mountain and into the same party as all of them. I’m just having so much fun trying to see if my blob shaped peg fits into this multiverse sized hole. 

Do I think the world building of Sarah J Maas despite the multiverse reveal is infallible? Hell no. I think we likely pick up on a ton of small details and threads that, if pointed out to her, she’d ask us if we’re ok and what on earth are you talking about babe? Are a lot of the seeds planted sometimes happy accidents? ABSOLUTELY. I don’t think there’s a master world builder out there who wouldn’t admit to this being the case. Books are for the readers - all art benefits from the interpretation and dialogue it has with its audience.  But I do think there’s so much going on and so many plots/people/lores left unresolved — many with their roots in preexisting mythology — that a great deal of this is 100% intentional. Essentially, there has been a ton of groundwork purposefully laid to propel us deeper into this world and, ultimately, a conclusion with some very fun payoffs in future books. 

So let’s have fun, let’s light it up!!!

[leiawritesstories]

As I Am, 2

Summary: London, England, 1816, early spring. The opening of the Season is every year’s most anticipated event in high society, especially among the young ladies. This Season has been predicted to be one of the most promising yet, given that the debutantes include Miss Aelin Ashryver Galathynius, Misses Nesta, Elain, and Feyre Archeron, Miss Elisa Selvari, Miss Elide Lochan, and many more. Not to mention that His Grace Rowan Whitethorn, the newly ascended Duke of Doranelle, shall be in town with his companions. Where shall the Season lead? We have yet to find out, but as with all Seasons, there will be parties, promenades, dancing and dining, a profusion of flowers in each young lady’s parlour, and of course, scandal. 

STORY WARNINGS: language, arranged marriages and other 19th-century problems, eventual fighting, eventual smut

Inspired quite a lot by Bridgerton and Pride and Prejudice. Unknown chapter count. Characters are from Throne of Glass and ACOTAR, as well as various other characters from various other authors. I’ll credit them as they appear, and if anyone is unfamiliar, please go check out their books!

~~~

Welcome to the first ball, or, as the balls of Regency England were known, excuses for flirting, drinking, and allllll the actions that ensued. 

Oh and this chapter features Elisa, Rhys’s sister. No, that’s not her canon name, but she didn’t freaking get a name in canon. I was VERY disappointed we didn’t get more than a few lines about her, so SJM, this is my revenge. Mwahaha.

CHARACTER LIST

Word count: 2.1k

Warnings: language (maybe), innuendo, the overprotective big brother trope

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elisa Selvari, all of seventeen years old, had scarce been home for ten minutes when her giddy voice floated into her brother’s office. 

“Oh Mamma! Her Majesty complimented me! And with my feet as unsteady as they were, why, I know not how I kept my balance!”

Countess Selvari smiled fondly at her only daughter. “You deserved the praise, my dear. And the reason you kept your balance—”

“Is because you have been tottering about in heels since you were but five years old and did not allow years of training to fail you at the critical junction.” Rhysand Selvari, older than his sister by four years, sauntered into the room.  

Elisa rolled her eyes. “No, Rhys, it’s because I was wearing so many petticoats that I could not have fallen even if I tried.” She smoothed her skirts. “But Lysandra outdid herself with this gown, did she not?”

Rhys leaned against the doorframe. “I would not doubt it.” he smiled. “Would that I had been present for this, the most momentous day of your life……excepting, of course, your wedding day.” As the eldest son of the Count and Countess Selvari, Rhys inherited the title when his father passed some six years ago. He was but fifteen; Mother acted as mistress of the estate, with him at her side, until his eighteenth birthday. Now, at twenty-one, he remained one of the youngest titled nobles and thus one of the town mammas’ prime subjects of discussion, being an eligible bachelor. 

Which may have been why he buried himself in business on Elisa’s debut day. Far be it from him to risk his sanity in a roomful of gossiping mothers and flirtatious, flibbertigibbet young ladies. The task of escorting her to all the dances, soirées, balls, and other social engagements would no doubt prove taxing enough. The mere thought that he would be required to witness God only knew how many helpless young dandies fall victim to the irresistible charm of Lis’s smile and then deal with a flood of simpering suitors barging into his house and ruining the quiet ambience in which he worked so efficiently.

Although to be fair, his adopted brothers did more than their fair share of ruining the quiet. Daily. 

“Do cheer up, Rhys, ’tis not as though you should be subjected to torture.” Elisa’s voice broke into his thoughts. “Who knows, you might even find yourself a bride at one of this season’s events.” 

Rhys huffed a snort. “Only you, Lis, only you would try to arrange my life while I observe your surely endless train of incoming suitors.”

She grinned mischievously at him. “Can you fault me for attempting to bring you some small happiness, dear brother? Since you will be attending just as many social gatherings as I, you might at least try dancing with some of the eligible young ladies present. We both know that you shall not go unnoticed, not with your looks.”

“Do not forget his title, Lis,” grinned Mother. “There is nothing more attractive to a young lady of society than a handsome, titled young man.”

“Mother!” sighed Rhys. “You are absolutely insufferable. Cannot a respectable gentleman merely escort his sister to her interminable stream of parties without his mother meddling in his love life?” 

Mother patted Rhys’s cheek. “’Tis not meddling when there is nothing to meddle in, my son.”

She swept out of the room before Rhys could splutter his indignant answer. Sighing in defeat, he headed back to his office until duty forced him to prepare for the evening’s ball, the first (and thus worst) of the season. 

~

As their carriage rattled up the smooth gravel drive, Elisa could hardly keep her delight and anticipation of her face. Only her mother’s arched brow of disapproval kept her from squishing her face against the glass of the carriage window as she so wanted to do. 

“I cannot believe my eyes! Her Grace must surely have bought every flower in the town, ’tis lovely!”

“Lovely, as well as conveniently decorated so as to provide certain…private alcoves,” smirked Rhys from across the carriage. Elisa swatted him with her fan.

“Behave yourself, Rhysand. I shall not allow my rake of a brother to ruin my first ball.” 

Rubbing his arm, Rhys nodded. “I shall be the very model of propriety, dear Elisa. Indeed, I shall not so much as harbor the slightest thought of seducing the first young lady to pay me any heed and escorting her to a tasteful floral alcove for five minutes of—oooof. Mother!”

Mother frowned at him, but her eyes hid laughter. “If you were to control yourself, my son, I should not have to stoop to childhood punishments to remind you of your place.” She tucked the parasol back under the bench. “Now do sit up. Take a few deep breaths. I am sure you are not harmed.”

Rhys sat up, removing his hand from his sore ribs, and glared at her halfheartedly. “I had forgotten how effective your skills with the cattle prod were, Mother.”

She gave him a prim look. “Remember that I will not hesitate to draw you away from unseemly behaviour, forcefully or not.”

Flushing slightly, Rhys nodded. 

Moments later, the carriage pulled into the drive of Briarcliff Castle, the footman swung open the door, and Rhys hopped down. He extended his hand to Mother, then to Elisa, who was smiling hugely in delight. As they entered the hall, her eyes darted everywhere, no doubt cataloging every detail of the place for later notation in her diary. Rhys noticed her grow tense as they approached the ballroom entrance, her hand tightening on his arm. 

“Relax, Lis,” he murmured, “you have nothing to fear. You are sure to be the most sought-after young lady in attendance, given what Her Majesty said to you.”

Elisa’s countenance shifted to anticipation, most of the nervousness gone. “I only hope that I shall find at least a few dance partners.”

“I doubt that you shall lack company, Lis, but if ever you do, I promise to keep you dancing. After all, our brothers and I can dance with you, and I am sure there are some gentlemen of my acquaintance present whom I can cajole into a dance with you.”

“Threaten, you mean,” giggled Elisa. 

Rhys snorted quietly. “I have never threatened any of my acquaintances into anything.”

She scoffed, and then they were descending the stairs into the ballroom. Elisa’s violet eyes scanned the grand, elegant room, noting the décor, the chamber orchestra, the finely dressed ladies and gentlemen, and the patterns of dancers, knots of chatting people, and the chain of mammas who prowled the edges of the floor, searching for suitable partners for their marriageable daughters. 

Not expecting to notice anyone she found familiar, she was surprised, then, to catch the sharp, dark eye of the Duke of Perranth’s daughter, Elide Lochan, who was spending the season at her cousin’s London residence. Coincidentally, her cousin was Miss Aelin Galathynius, a fellow debutante and the Selvaris’ kitty-corner neighbors. Lady Elide was often out at the park, walking, or riding at the same times as Elisa, and she had found the heiress of Perranth a most companionable young lady. She sent a quick smile in Elide’s direction, which Elide returned. 

Rhys nudged her. “Let us take a turn about the room. Scout the prospects, as it were.” He winked.

Elisa grinned. “I pity the man who looks at me without your approval.”

Circling slowly about the room, Rhys and Elisa met no fewer than twenty young men, each more eager than the last to request the pleasure of a dance. She politely refused most, but did allow a few respectable-seeming men to add their names to her card. Glancing up at her brother, she was about to ask if he would be escorting her in the first dance when she noticed his eyes trained on a young lady across the room. With a small, predatory grin, she slipped her hand from his arm and strolled away. No sooner had she left Rhys’s side than a tall, grinning young man appeared in front of her and bowed low, an errant blonde curl falling across his forehead. 

“Might I have this dance, my lady?”

“You may, good sir.” She placed her hand in his proffered one and stepped into the dancing floor. “If it is not too forward of me, sir, might I ask your name?”

Her partner grinned, brown eyes sparking. “I am Fenrys Strahl, from Doranelle. ’Tis about three hours’ drive west of the city, a lovely estate.”

Elisa smiled at him. “Most pleased to make your acquaintance, my lord Strahl. I am Elisa Selvari.”

His eyes widened. “Countess Selvari’s daughter?”

“Indeed.”

“I am honored to make your acquaintance, milady.”

Lord Fenrys proved a charming, polite partner. Their conversation flowed naturally, and he escorted her to the edge of the floor when the dance ended. “I assume a lovely lady such as yourself no doubt has many partners awaiting the joy of your company?”

“Not quite so many as you assume, my lord. But yes, I do have a partner for this next dance.” Indeed, the man approached even now, his distinctive red hair marking him as her next escort, one Lord Lucien Vanserra.

Moving through the steps of this waltz, Elisa noticed over Lord Vanserra’s shoulder that her brother had taken a partner for this waltz, and to her great delight, it was the selfsame young lady to whom his gaze had been drawn earlier. She appeared about Elisa’s own age, with bright blue eyes and beautifully coiled golden-brown hair. Her gown, a soft coral pink color, set off the grace of her figure. As she and Rhys waltzed past, Elisa noticed that both her brother and the lady were smiling, obviously enjoying each other’s company.

I simply must write this down, she thought, when else will I have the opportunity to poke some small fun at Rhys?

She noticed her brother dancing with the young lady once more during the ball. Twice, if one counted the reel, but the reel was hardly a paired dance, given the constant switching of partners. So he was adhering to propriety and the Rule of Two Dances, then. He must truly not want the mammas’ attentions. Wise of him. 

Wonder of wonders, when Elisa went to find refreshment some hours into the ball, she found her brother’s lovely dance partner at the table. She grinned and strolled over to meet the girl.

“If you will excuse my forwardness, I absolutely adore your gown! Who made it?”

The girl turned to meet Elisa’s eye, smiling politely. “Thank you! It is a Lysandra Ennar piece.”

“‘Tis lovely, as her work always is,” Elisa replied, grinning.

“Your gown is her work as well? It suits you most beautifully,” the young lady gushed. 

“Why thank you.” Elisa looked out over the scene. “I declare, is this entire location not perfectly picturesque?”

The young lady turned to meet Elisa’s eye, smiling politely. “Indeed it is. Were I alone, I should very much like to paint it.”

“Do you paint, miss?”

“Yes, and I very much enjoy it. I am Feyre Archeron, and painting is my one vice.” Her smile warmed.

Elisa dropped a slight curtsy. “Delighted. My name is Elisa Selvari.”

Feyre’s cheeks flushed nearly the same pink as her dress. “You would not happen to be a relation of—”

“Rhysand Selvari?” Elisa grinned. “That would be my elder brother. A perfect sweetheart, to be sure, when he is not acting the part of Count Selvari.”

“He dances most elegantly.”

“He ought to; he has been my practice partner since I began lessons. I rather think he enjoys dressing in tight pants and twirling around an open floor.”

Feyre giggled. “I should agree with your thoughts, Elisa.” Her gaze lost focus for an instant. “I do hope he calls at my house tomorrow. He was such wonderful company.”

“Feyre, if I might be frank, I do believe he shall be knocking at your door the moment proper calling hours begin. I have never seen my brother look at anyone the way he looked at you while you were dancing.”

“Then I shall await his calls.”

“And his proposal.”

“Elisa! Are you not jumping to conclusions rather hastily?” But she was smiling.

Elisa cocked a knowing brow. “He will wait as long as propriety and Mother dictate, and then, my dear Miss Archeron, I do believe he shall plight his troth. Were customs not of import, I like to imagine he would have taken you for a bit of a stroll this very night and proposed posthaste.”

Feyre blushed again. “At any rate, I do hope you consider visiting. You are most welcome.”

“As is my brother?”

“Quite.”

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#as i am #my writing #regency au

[yazthebookish]

'all elriel scenes from the past books dont count bc he was still pining after mor'

by your logic, your so called 'romantic gw/nriel scenes' are invalid considering he's been thinking about elain for over a year and after his encounter with gw/n too

I'm not the one claiming Azriel has feelings for Elain or has been in love with her since ACOMAF Lol.

It's obvious there are more interactions between Azriel and Gwyn after Solstice and the bonus chapter ended with a romantic coding for them. Do I claim they're in love? Not yet but likely will go down that road eventually. SJM showed Gwyn as a soothing presence for Azriel in the bonus chapter, they have a good dynamic. He will still have to sort through his own conflicting feelings and issues.

Elr*els are the ones that erase Azriel's love for Mor. He did not look at Elain romantically until after ACOFAS. I stand by the fact that he was fond of her in ACOWAR because of what she went through but it wasn't love and until now it's still not love, it's infatuation and the idea of (3 brothers + 3 sisters).

Like let me remind you this was 9 months before ACOSF, this dear anon is canon:

#asks

[demi-god-ing]

“House of Earth and Blood” (Sarah J. Maas) Review

“That’s the point of it, Bryce. Of life. To live, to love, knowing that it might all end tomorrow. It makes everything that much more precious.”

Sarah J. Maas, you evil, sadistic mastermind.

I know people have issues with Sarah J. Maas (I mean, people have issues with everyone, but I digress). Hell, sometimes I have issues with her. I acknowledge that she tends to have a thing about stunningly gorgeous chosen one heroines and broody, all-powerful alpha dudes as their love interests. I acknowledge that she hasn't had a good track record of representation for anything outside of white, cis, straight people in the past. I acknowledge that she sometimes is super cheesy and overuses phrases like "eyes lined with silver" and calls characters "males" and "females" instead of just "men" and "women" (this bothers a lot of people but it doesn't really annoy me that much because okay, they're not human, I buy it).

AND YET I don't get invested in books like I get invested in SJM's books. She makes me feel like I'm fourteen again, swooning at every bad boy love interest in every kind-of-bad YA novel and getting completely invested in every single character. I don't get that feeling a lot anymore, and I miss it. SJM gives it to me with every single book, and I think there's something to be said about that. Is she Shakespeare? No (duh). But someone who can consistently write highly rated, best-selling books that spawn gigantic tumblr fandoms, endless fanart, and an ungodly amount of fanfiction is doing something right. Her books are escapism. I acknowledge that. That doesn't make them any less. I don't think I should have to defend the fact that I read and adore SJM (this message directed to all the SJM haters and also my English lit professors who shit on YA authors in general). (***beware potential (marked) spoilers from this point on!***)

Aaanyways, this book was actually really, incredibly good. In some ways, it's a lot like what SJM's done in the past, but in others, it's completely different. [*SPOILER: Hunt, for example: so not what I expected him to be in the absolute best way. Yes, he's a super powerful, sorta alpha dude, but he's also pretty level headed, not super growly, and lowkey like a giant softie. The dude spends as much of the book cuddling with Bryce on the couch watching trashy TV, bonding with her dog, and making her food as he does being a badass, tormented killing machine. It's excellent. END SPOILER*] For one, I'd say this is some of the best world-building SJM has EVER done, and it's not historical-ish high fantasy but MODERN high fantasy, which isn't exactly a new thing but surprisingly doesn't show up that much. When it does show up, I get really excited, because modern technology in a fully high fantasy world is a very fun combination. Another thing is that this is at its core a murder mystery, and it was a pretty compelling murder mystery. I honestly wanted to figure out who was behind the murders and really did not suspect who it ended up being. SJM pulled it off, and it totally WORKED.

Another thing: though Bryce and Hunt are similar to characters we've seen from SJM before, they also felt really unique to me, Hunt especially. [*SPOILER: Bryce could maybe be like Aelin pre-Heir of Fire. Now she has tons of crazy power, though, so she'll be a lot more like both Aelin and Feyre. But we knew it was inevitable she'd end up being a chosen one. END SPOILER*] The other characters are really interesting and relatively diverse (you better believe I was noting the fact that SJM made a point to make sure not all of the characters were white and straight (though they all appeared to be cis)––Hunt is canonically described as having brown skin, so yay). There's just a lot of potential character arcs and relationship dramas being set up and I'm beyond excited. [*SPOILER: Really hoping we stick with Hunt as endgame, though, because I adored him. People are already pointing out the ways he might be problematic and thus dismissed as a love interest, but I hope SJM breaks that pattern and stays with this dude because I love him and Bryce loves him and just LET THEM BE HAPPY. There's clearly things they need to address, but I don't think this should be grounds to just end the relationship and get a new love interest. END SPOILER*]

Also just THE ENDING. Oh sweet Jesus. The last 200 pages of this book were like Freytag's pyramid on crack. Every time I thought we'd reached the top of the pyramid and the true climax had occurred, she somehow drove the action and tension EVEN HIGHER. I cried multiple times, not even of sadness but just of such high emotion. I finished the book and actually felt the dopamine and adrenaline leave my body. It was like being on drugs. I've had book hangovers before, but I'd describe these past two days more like book depression. I feel like I'm literally grieving the fact that this book is over and it HURTS [*SPOILER: and no one even really died (except Lehabah, the poor dear)!! What am I going to do when characters inevitably die? END SPOILER*] It's taking so much effort not to reread it.

I have a lot of thoughts, but they come down to this: I honestly think this is SJM's best work to date, and that's really exciting. The world-building is crazy good, the characters are crazy good, the plot is crazy good. [*SPOILER: Also SJM and I both believe in the power of love, which is probably why I connect with her books so much. LOVE TRUMPS ALL. IT FIXES EVERYTHING. AND YOU CAN'T TELL ME OTHERWISE. END SPOILER*] For God’s sake, it's 800 pages long and I finished it in just over 24 hours. I can't wait to read the next one, and that's all that really matters.

see this review on Goodreads where I gave it 5/5 stars

#shea reviews #sarah j maas #house of earth and blood #crescent city #sjm #hoeab #hoeab spoilers #hoeab review

[territorial-fae-buzzard]

some (but not all) thoughts on KOA so far (spoilers under the keep-reading mark):

- in the span of today and a lil bit of yesterday, I have read 429 pages. That’s like, my new reading rate record (my old one is 309 pages in one week) but then again, when have I had time to read like I have now?

- as of right now... I’m at the scene where Aelin’s talking about how she doesn’t feel like herself (hope you know what scene I’m talking about) and so if you want to talk to me about spoilers don’t do it past that moment

- you know now that I think of it my fic “and I can do nothing but watch” on Ao3 is no longer canon compliant, gonna have to update that

- all my thoughts have been “YOU GO [INSERT PERSON]” or “wait that hAPPENED” or a serious thought

- looking back on all these thoughts a lot of them are out of order

- Aedion you’re a friggen moron, Lysandra is the best thing that ever happened to you

- Fenrys and Aelin’s friendship has healed my soul

- ...and then Cairn destroyed it again

- Does he die later? I hope he dies later

- The very fact that Fenrys and Aelin only have six ways to speak in their secret code (five if you discount Fenrys’ version of ‘liar’) hurts me so much. They have the obvious “yes” and “no” but the fact that they found the most important things to say were “I am here, I am with you,” “This is real, you are awake,” and “Are you alright?” is just painful. They are in so much agony and I hope they find a way to heal.

- fic time

- Dorian and Manon are making me so angry and I don’t know why, I feel like they’re being really stupid or angry for no reason. But then again, I also think they have the toughest situation right now. Manon’s gotta be queen of a people she slaughtered and Dorian has the two most important items in the history of Erilea sittin in his pocket

- excuse me, Lorcan? you were crawling after Aelin? hmm not buying it but ok

- oh my god I’ve become Elide

- okay I was really hoping Connall would turn out to be super nice and Fenrys could reunite and be happy like he deserves but tbh Connall was a bitch. Fenrys dear you’re better off without him. You deserve the world but Connall doesn’t deserve you.

- Cyrene is... actually p cool. If you ignore what she’s done and what she is.

- this book makes me feel despair

- YOU GO AELIN YOU FRIGGEN PUNCH THAT COFFIN DESTROY IT AELIN DESTROY IT YOU GO BITCH YOU CAN DO IT

- mating bond? MATING BOND!

- Elide, you are an absolute goddess. How are you so good at acting

- How are you so good at everything

- YOU GO ROWAN YOU MURDER CAIRN

- wait is that not what you’re doing?

- nEVERMIND ROWAN YOU ABSOLUTE AMAZING BASTARD YOU CARVED CAIRN UP LIKE A FRIGGEN JACK-O-LANTERN SKIN HIM ROWAN SKIN HIM ALIVE

- FINALLY

- Aelin’s story broke me I swear she’s so broken and please let her have the time to heal

- she needs to heal from all of it

- “and you and I looked at each other, and we knew” hurts. What could have been didn’t happen and SJM reminds me of that every second my eyes are on the words

- also, yrene is wHAT

#cayreadskoa #koa spoilers #kingdom of ash #koa #kingdom of ash spoilers #Rowan Does Not Speak #this isn't even all of my rants #more on that later #fan theories and headcanons will also come later

[taz-writes]

I was scrolling through your blog and saw something about a mermaid incident in class... date I ask for the story behind that?

I will absolutely tell you the story behind that, because it is equal parts baffling and hilarious, even now an entire year later. 

It begins… with my creative writing minor. Last fall I took a class called Survey of Forms: Fiction, which was an introduction to the canon of literary fiction, as well as literary fiction writing and basic style skills like characterization, narrative voice, dialogue, et cetera. Sounds pretty typical, right? Well, my professor was a fun guy, and one of our assignments around the middle of the semester was to write a rant. What sort of rant, you may ask? Literally anything. It was an exercise in narrative voice, he wanted 2-4 pages of a first-person tirade on something that you had strong opinions about, to be read out loud in class the next week. We had the option to write as a character from our short story WIPs or to write as ourselves. 

I chose to write my rant about a subject very near and dear to my heart: mermaids. Specifically, how much I fucking hated them as a child.

A bit of backstory, so you can understand why this got me so incredibly riled: I’m all about fairies. I was the fairy kid. I literally thought I was a fairy princess from outer space until I was, like, 11 or 12 years old. I wanted to have cool magic powers and sparkly wings and all that good stuff! I wanted to fly! I wanted to live in the forest and grant wishes! But like, mermaids are and have always been way more popular. If you’re a little girl who loves mermaids, your options are everywhere. You’ve got mermaid TV shows! Mermaid movies! Mermaid book series! Mermaid-themed makeup, mermaid-themed clothing, mermaid-themed Halloween costumes and lunch boxes and merchandise, mermaid stuff is everywhere. If you’re a little girl who loves fairies… you get, uh, Winx Club? Barbie Fairytopia? And maybe some Disney stuff if you squint. This was before even those Tinkerbell movies went mainstream, and if you were (like me) the sort of tomboy to frown at pink ruffly stuff, then you had absolutely NOTHING. 

And for bonus points, every single one of those fairy things I mentioned? Yeah they have mermaids in them. And the mermaids got overmerchandised, while the fairy MAIN CHARACTERS were neglected. Winx Club has a whole mermaid season, Barbie Fairytopia has mermaids and got a freaking mermaid-based sequel and never did justice to the actual fairy protagonists until long after I’d outgrown Barbie media. So like, I’m salty. I literally started writing Feilan because I was tired of every story with fairies being either immature Disney shit for 5-year-olds or edgy grimdark YA novels with too much kissing and inappropriate language for baby 12/13-year-old Taz’s tastes. I wanted something in between–fairies who weren’t stupid little glittery farts, but who didn’t spend all their time being ~evil and sexy~ or whatever either. If you like mermaid stuff, you can find a zillion different interpretations of merfolk lore, but despite the vast breadth of fae lore the fiction inspired by it only has two real subgenres. Fairies just aren’t as popular. I think they’re coming back a little bit because of SJM and Holly Black, but I HATE SJM’s fae and Holly Black’s are unbearably edgy, so that’s not really a good thing? 

On top of this, I am the type of person who clings very tightly and personally to minor things that aggravate me. I’m not sure why, and I wish that wasn’t the case, but at this point I’ve accepted it as part of my personality. It’s very rare that I find something I’m quite so passionately mad about, but when I latch onto a pet peeve I take it seriously. You can’t argue with me about the meaningless petty grudges, those are my lifeblood, and the mermaid thing is one of the oldest pet peeves I have. 

Back to the topic! The rant I wrote for Survey of Forms was the above tirade, expanded over several pages with sources cited. I was pretty proud of it! I came up with some really brutal turns of phrase, I thought my ~authorial voice~ was top of the line, it was a good rant. Time rolled around for us to share our rants with the class, and I gave a fabulous dramatic reading. My comedic timing is one of my strengths as an actress. 

Everything went as normal for the next few rants… and then, one of my quieter classmates began to read his rant. It sounded fine for the first few sentences, a discussion of traditional elements and their thematic associations okay whatever… but it became increasingly obvious, as he went on, that this wasn’t what he’d written. No, he was improvising a speech on the spot, because he was SO upset that I didn’t like mermaids that he had to tell me exactly how and why I was wrong about my entire worldview. 

In public. In front of our ENTIRE CLASS. 

He explained how mermaids belong to elemental water, and they’re valuable to modern society. See, water is the element of empathy and compassion, and those things are so rare in modern American society! It was almost a year after the 2016 elections, and our politics were so vicious and divisive, and the influence of water’s empathy was dwindling and he could see it burning through society! An over-emphasis on elemental air and its transience was leading to the rise of fake news and misinformation and alternative facts, elemental fire led to rage and passion and an inability to think logically, and we needed water to balance everything! So in fact, we need more mermaid stories! Because mermaid stories teach us to feel empathy! And the lack of water’s empathy, this growing hatred of mermaids (and by extension anything water-based)–that was the reason America was falling apart! That’s why Trump was elected! Because… uh, because I don’t like mermaids? 

Yeah, this guy basically implied that I was the reason Trump became president and the media devolved into vitriolic chaos. Because I don’t like mermaids. 

I couldn’t make this shit up on my own if I tried. 

I was absolutely livid, a friend of mine in the same class told me I turned redder than my scarlet school hoodie. I’ve never had the best anger management skills, I was literally shaking in my seat, I was inches away from flipping the table I sat at. I probably would’ve done it, too, if my classmate hadn’t put her boiling hot cup of soup down on it without the lid on. One of the lovely side effects of my ADHD is that sometimes when I get upset, my brain gets so hyperfocused on that one emotion that I’m physically incapable of feeling anything else or even thinking straight, and I can’t snap myself out. Those rages are terrifying. This was one of the worst rages I’ve ever experienced in my life, and I thanked my lucky stars later that I didn’t hurt somebody. I did get to scream at the guy for a couple minutes, but I don’t remember what I actually said. It involved a few physical threats and a lot of being embarrassed in front of my peers. 

Anyways, the professor didn’t even stop this guy, because–like everyone else–he didn’t realize what was going on until it was too late. And once he realized, I guess he froze up or something? I don’t know. I lost my fucking mind about this, I went into my next class and screamed for like fifteen minutes. My poor Music History teacher was so confused. 

The Survey professor emailed me and asked me to stop by his office later, and I thought I was going to get lectured for throwing a fit in class. I used to throw a lot of tantrums in grade school and even when I grew out of that, I was always the person blamed when an argument or fight broke out with me involved, so I had some muscle memory… the professor actually wound up apologizing. He told me he just didn’t know what to do in the moment, and he was really nice about it, and by then I’d calmed down enough that I wasn’t literally frothing with rage. It was very very surreal. I felt quite validated. 

Mermaid guy wound up writing me a length apology email. I’m pretty sure the professor put him up to it. He went on to explain that he was from Singapore and he was raised right by the water and so it was really important to him, his culture has some kind of mermaid thing that he’s emotionally attached to, et cetera… He seemed very sincere about it, so I accepted the apology, but I still have no freaking clue what possessed him to derail the entire class in order to argue over my goofy childhood grudge. It’s hilarious in retrospect, I just can’t even begin to understand the logic. I still have that email saved because it was so mind-blowingly absurd. 

So yeah, that’s the Mermaid Incident. I wish I could say it went down in university history but I’m not sure if anyone remembered it longer than a week or so after it happened. Nobody ever mentioned it again. 

And despite said classmate’s best efforts, I still have a grudge against mermaids. They’re very nice in their own dedicated media, but if I see them popping up like plot cancer in stories you told me were about fey? I will come for you. 

#taz talks #the vicious irony is that i am my own worst enemy #because feilan does have mermaids and they do derail book 2 for a while with their own shenanigans #but tHAT'S DIFFERENT #and the fairies are BETTER #sparksandstarsandstories #also i am absolutely willing to provide proof that this did in fact happen #because this is a 100% real not-embellished-at-all factual story from my life #i have a saved screenshot of the apology email

[bookofmirth]

acowar preview thoughts

OK, HERE ARE SOME OF MY VERY SPOILERY THOUGHTS ON THE FIRST 8 CHAPTERS:

Um, yes, Feyre + Lucien? This is what I needed. Seriously. I really didn’t appreciate the way that she used him to make Tamlin jealous. I understand what she was doing, and her whole “oh, dear, look at these scraps of clothing I’m wearing and I have found myself in his arms!” was funny, but also.... Lucien doesn’t need any more reasons to be the target of Tam Tam’s fury.

But overall, working together and sending the Bogge after the twins, inspired. I... sorta started shipping it again. I was already in that headspace because of a fic I’m working on, but. I am giving fewer and fewer fucks about canon ships at this point.

And Elain, I really need her to accept Lucien, I need to see them interact, ok.

AND CALANMAI. WHAT. Ianthe, how could you???? I mean, I know how you could, but still, HOW COULD YOU??? Why does she need a damn baby so badly? Why does she keep trying to get dick all the time? Why did it have to be poor Lucien’s dick? I have a hard time imagining that Tamlin would really be so distraught that he’d send Lucien in his place - not that I don’t think he’d use his friend like that (which, shit move, Tamlin, congrats again on showing yourself to be a douche and the worst friend a guy could have), but that he’d restrain himself or recognize that it would be inappropriate, considering his engagement. Moving on....

Tamlin. He hasn’t changed. He is still incredibly dense about what is going on around him, which was consistent with what I saw while rereading ACOTAR. But... Feyre made an interesting comment about the way that everyone around him hides things from him, such as when Lucien hid her ring to keep him from being hurt that she had left, not been taken. SO, SO INTERESTING. I’ll have to dive into this more in the future, but basically it mirrors the way we tend to “protect” people from certain information if we are afraid of them in some way - they don’t want Tamlin to get too upset, protect poor Tamlin’s baby feelings, he’s emotionally unstable and they all know that, so don’t let him see/hear/smell/feel anything that could potentially make him angry.

I noticed sjm trying to explain some more things in these parts? Such as the war, Jurian’s backstory, the magic, the Summer Solstice ritual. And that’s all well and good, but where was this information before? It’s like she realized that there is all this information people were looking for and probably she should have explained it two books ago? Such as the magic system? Let me just say that was the most half-assed explanation of a magic system ever: it’s old and mysterious, we don’t really understand. Um, ok. And why didn’t this happen two books ago, again?

The thing with the bond though, or rather the bargain, thanks for @acourtofstarsanddreams for this idea, but if there is a price for breaking a magical bond or bargain, maybe Tamlin or Hybern will have to pay it. It was all, again, very fuzzy in terms of rules, but. Potential.

And when they were interrupted when we were about to see what Hybern’s motivations are re: the war, I may have screamed at my computer screen.

AND I feel like... things are started to come apart at the seams, regarding Rhysand’s “persona”. I hate his persona. And it needs to come apart in order for them to have any allies whatsoever. So this is necessary - Alis and Jurian telling Feyre that they have reason to believe he is not so DarkTM are good first steps to dismantling the barriers that might cause people to not get behind him in the war.

Finally, Feyre. She is so over-powered right now, but I don’t know if I care. I liked her game with the twins, the whole mind powers thing, but I swear to crap if she keeps talking about how she is so freaking powerful and how she is so vengeance-y and all that.... like calm tf down. We get it, you are a badass, you are mad, you are going to fuck shit up. This is an SJM thing that drives me nuts, it drove me nuts in EoS, and I’m afraid it’s going to drive me nuts here. But, that said, I guess she’ll need to fuck shit up if Hybern & Co. start getting feisty. And she has spent a lot of time feeling powerless, so.... consider the contrast between her at the beginning of this book, and her at the beginning of ACOMAF. Like.... *trying to think of not a pun*..... it’s a big difference. She was so broken and weak before, so I suppose she deserves her moment of “fuck you, I’m going to show all of you how strong I’ve become”.

*****

I’m trying to be optimistic at this point. I’m trying to not let my disappointment at other facts override all of this potential goodness. But it’s just really, really difficult right now.

#acotar #acomaf #acowar #sarah j maas #feyre #acowar spoilers #spoilers #Leslie reads acowar #mine #thoughts on characters

[tessalivesandbreathesbooks]

Love at Last

Here’s the next chapter. I hope you like it!

Love at Last is a high school AU whose characters belong to SJM’s world, not to me. You’ll find characters from both ACOTAR and ToG whose lives you’ll learn as the story progresses. Some characters might not make an appearance, such as Manon or Elide, mainly because I haven’t got as far in the real books yet and I know I’d not make a fair representation of these character’s personalities. They might appear in the future, though. The ships I’m supporting in my story are all canon: Feysand, Rowaelin, Nessian, Elucien and Morazriel, for now.

Links: Chapter 1 (beginning), Chapter 3 (previous chapter). 

Chapter 4 (AO3)

Feyre's POV

Feyre closed her eyes and enjoyed the warmth of the sun, the freshness the midday breeze brought her as she walked back home. As a rule, Tamlin would have driven her in his incredibly expensive car, but he had an appointment with the doctor right at that moment. Some weeks ago she would have been furious at being left alone without previous warning, but lately ... she hated to admit it and she would deny it fiercely if anyone asked, but she was grateful for it.

It'd been five days since that little incident with Tamlin and even though he had apologized, even though he'd been trying to make it up to her for these past days, she couldn't help but feel a little bit ... alarmed.

Especially with the way things were now.

Tamlin had been behaving like some guard dog ever since the pairings for the project came up. He followed her everywhere, making sure she got into no trouble and no threats ever crossed her path, scowling at everyone and everything that dared talk to her. She had tried to confront him about it once or twice, but he wouldn't listen. He was worried about her and he wanted to protect her, he said. But against what? She wasn't sure. However, she knew things couldn't keep going on like this. His measures were way too strict and suffocating. She couldn't live like this, like some caged animal. But she knew ... she knew that left very little options. She could either push him about it or let it go. And if she let it go ...

Feyre shivered.

She had tried to forget Nesta's words these past few days. She'd tried to ignore that little voice inside her head that said her sister might have been ... right. About everything. Because what Tamlin what done ... and what he was doing ...

Just do nothing. But if you think that forgetting about the problem is going to make it go away, you're wrong.

Now that's a funny joke because despite all I've heard of Rhysand I've never seen him lay a finger on anyone, which considering the actual situation is more than I can say of your dear Tamlin.

He could have hurt you. He's crazy, Feyre.

Are you really that blind?

Feyre hugged herself. Despite what her sister might believe Feyre wasn't blind. She knew what had happened a few days ago wasn't okay, not even close and she wasn't stupid enough to believe Tamlin was going to stop his behaviour any time soon, but ... she couldn't bring herself to do anything. She loved him. She loved him more than she had never loved anyone before and she didn't want to let him go. And if she said something ... she risked losing him forever.

However, she just couldn't forget it, her sister was right about that. Tamlin wasn't going to change, she knew that and knowing that ... she had to face the real question: would she be able to accept his current behaviour? And ... would she be able to love him despite of it?

She had thought of love like a glorious state, something that was supposed to fill your chest with light, your mind with peace, your heart with passion. Something that was supposed to make you stronger, fearless, unstoppable because you were never truly alone and no matter what happened, you'd always have a shoulder to cry on. Love ... it was not something that left you as weak and as drained as she had felt lately. It wasn't supposed to make you cry. It wasn't supposed to keep you awake at night, utterly heartbroken and powerless ... right?

Feyre pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. She didn't know what to do. Her heart and mind were in shreds and her feelings were an utter mess. And she knew she couldn't keep going like this ... maybe she could try talking to him, let him know how she felt. She was sure Tamlin loved her and he would care for her well-being and if he knew how she was feeling, he'd stop. She needed to believe that because otherwise ...

"Hello Feyre darling."

Feyre came to an abrupt halt at the sound of Rhysand's voice, completely taken aback.  She hadn't heard him approaching, as immersed in her thoughts as she had been. She inhaled, trying to calm her racing heart. She mastered herself, making sure her facial expressions didn't betray her before turning around to find Rhysand standing there, a few feet behind her.

Rhysand looked stunning. His black hair seemed to catch the light around them and his vivid violet eyes were sparkling, bright with life. She crossed her arms over her chest and lifted her chin, acting braver than she felt.

"What do you want Rhysand?"

Rhysand smirked, that insufferable smirk of his and said, "it's always amazing to see you too, Feyre. I see you are in a good mood today."

She looked daggers at him.

He chuckled, a deep masculine sound. Rhysand looked over his shoulder, then at both his sides before saying, "and where's is Tamlin? Don't tell me he's not walking you home today, with all the dangers that might be lurking around. How ... unchivalrous of him."

Feyre grimaced at his words. So he had noticed.

"He's been acting rather frantic lately, hasn't he?" He looked at her and she could have sworn that, although there was a smirk on his face, his eyes showed actual worry. She looked away. "Maybe you should -"

"I don't want to talk about this, especially not with you." She rubbed her temples, a weary expression on her face. "Tell me what you want and go away."

Rhysand looked at her for a few seconds, his expression unreadable before saying. "Okay, well, I'm going to go straight to the point then: I'm here because we need to talk about a certain project without your boyfriend sulking around."

Feyre shook her head. "I thought you had already talked to Lucien about this."

"I have and I'm actually really curious to know if you're okay with what he told me."

His gaze pierced through her like a blade and she was forced to look away due to the intensity of it. "I ... I am."

Rhysand arched his brow. "Oh? So from now on, whenever I need to do something in this project and I need your opinion I'll be forced to talk to Lucien instead only because your boyfriend is having a tantrum? As charming as Lucien might be, I find this a rather annoying measure, as well as stupid. How old are we? Five? Six?"

"Rhysand, just -"  

"Just what?" Rhysand's hands tightened into fists and he looked at me with a furious gleam in his eyes. "How long are you going to let him control you, Feyre? How long until you break? Or do you truly think you can go on like this forever?"

"Don't go there, Rhysand." Anger started to blossom in her chest, replacing the pain and sorrow that has found its way to her heart these past days. Feyre snarled.

"Why? Does the truth bother do?" Rhysand leaned forward. His words were nothing more than whispers in the wind. "It's about time you heard it from someone and I'm more than glad to do the honours: your dear boyfriend is an abusive bastard, an overprotective jerk who's going to leash you and lock you up in his golden cage just to keep you all for himself. If you thought what he's been doing was the worst he could do, you're wrong, Feyre. He will forbid you from talking to anyone, from doing anything you might want and he'll destroy you in the process. Now I have to know: is it worth it? Is this what you truly want?"

"Rhysand, stop it."

"No, Feyre. It's about time you heard this. You need to stop this. Fight it, Feyre." Rhysand's face was inches apart from Feyre's. His breath was hot on her face. " I never thought you were a coward."

"RHYSAND, ENOUGH!" Feyre whirled around and clenched her fists. Her voice was anguished and fierce when she said, "okay, fine. I am trapped, my boyfriend is a monster and I am a coward for not saying anything. Are you happy now, Rhysand? Do you feel better now?" Feyre's eyes were hollow and haunted, but a fiery determination glinted in them when she looked at him. "I know what's happening, I'm not blind, Rhysand. I know. But I can't bear doing anything and you know why? Because I love him. I love him so much my heart hurts in my chest whenever I'm not with him. I love him enough to keep trying. I love him, more than anything and I'm not giving up on him. On us. I don't know how I'm going to do it or how we're going to get through this, but we will. We will find a way. And when that day comes I'm going find you and I'm going to make you eat your words, worthless prick."

She looked at Rhysand, but his was expression unreadable, as always. Feyre shook her head and proceeded to walk away from him. She was done with him, with his taunts, with his words. Tamlin and her would make it. She would find a way. She would fight and fight, for as long as she could, for them. Because she loved him and she didn't mind dooming herself for him.

She walked a few steps before Rhysand went for her. He grabbed her by the wrist and said, "you're right. I'm sorry."

"Just let me go, Rhysand." She tried to get away from him, but his grip was firm.

"Feyre, wait ... I just ... " He took a deep breath. "I want you to realise it. To see it."

"See what, Rhysand?"

"That you deserve the world, Feyre, and seeing you this sad, this heartbroken because of ... him is killing me. You deserve more, Feyre." His voice sounded urgent, anguish. Feyre looked up and their gazes collided. His eyes were intense and of a color so deep it startled her, burning with raw emotion. He took a sharp intake of breath and said, "you are beautiful, the most beautiful and stunning woman I've ever had the chance to meet. You burn with life, you are a living fire that lightens the darkness, a star in all its beauty. And deserve to be with someone who makes you happy, someone who makes you look forward to tomorrow, someone who loves every bit of you, someone who's seen your worst and is still by your side. You deserve someone that makes you feel like you're not an option, but a priority, someone who loves you no matter what, someone who makes you feel like you truly matter. Not ... not someone who complicates your life, someone who hurts you. You deserve the best, Feyre. And I need you to see that. I want you to see that."

Silence stretched between them. Rhysand's chest rose and fell with rapid breaths, his eyes gleaming with an intensity that sent shivers down her spine. They were inches apart from each other, Rhysand's hand still in her wrist.

Feyre's voice was hardly more than a whisper when she asked, "and who deserves me then?"

Rhysand gulped and looked away. They stood in silence for a few more seconds, both bathing in the midday sun streaming through the trees. Birds were chirping around them, oblivious to the tension.

Rhysand finally let her go and said, his voice barely a whisper, "let me be your friend."

That took her by surprise. Feyre looked at his face to see any sign of mockery, but there was none. She simply asked, "why?"

"Why does there have to be a reason?"

"You always seem to have a reason." Then a new idea came to her mind and Feyre hissed. "If you what you want is to make Tamlin mad, let me tell you -"

"That's not my intention at all and it's actually offensive that you always think so little of me."

"I haven't known you for being a charmer, Rhysand."

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "It's just -" He stopped and bit his lip. He looked more frustrated than she's ever seen him. "Look, I'm just tired of fighting with you and I ... I think we could get on well, if you ever allow it. Let me prove it to you, Feyre. Give me a chance."

His eyes were serious and gentle when he looked at her. He looked vulnerable, an emotion she's never seen on him before. She pried her eyes away from his, trying to clear her mind of the emotions that were unravelling inside of her.

Becoming Rhysand's friend. It sounded more absurd than anything. She might have considered it once upon a time, but he had always behaved like an insidious prick with her, ever since they were children. But maybe that could change, if she dared. Although Tamlin would be mad. No, no mad wouldn't cover what he would do if he knew.

She gulped. "It would make things easier with the project, that's for sure. But ... but what about Tamlin?"

He knew what she was talking about. He sighed. "I'm not opposed of him knowing, but if you prefer to keep it secret that's fine with me too."

She looked at him and arched her brow. "What do you mean keep it secret? Are you suggesting I lie to him?"

"No, not like that." He shook his head and exhaled. "But we both know he won't be happy. Maybe we could keep it secret for a while, let Tamlin think I'm okay with what Lucien said and then we can meet in secret, to share some of our views about the project, obviously." He said when she narrowed her eyes at him. "Just a harmless thing. Unless ... "

"Unless what?"

"Unless you're afraid of what might happen if you let me into your world." This time Rhysand smirked and Feyre guffawed. He laughed.

"I'm definitely not afraid."

"So?" He arched his brow, a smile still on his face.

This wasn't a good idea. She was completely sure it wasn't a good idea. Becoming her friend, against Tamlin's knowing ... but it was alluring. And reckless. And she needed it. She needed something that made her feel as if she still had some freedom. Something that made her feel alive. As much as she hated to admit it, she needed Rhysand.

The smile that spread on her face wasn't fake when she answered. "I'm in."

#love at last #chapter 4 #feyre's pov #fanfiction #fanfic

[sahibookworm]

Hello my dear friends.. !!! You are probably surprised to see this post today because I never blog over the weekend. But today is my birthday, so I just wanted to say hi to everyone and thank you all for being such an amazing and important part of my life, particularly for the past couple of years. I saw this post first on Steff’s blog @ Little Book Nook and thought it would be a good one to do on this special day of my life. Don’t forget to checkout their blog for more fun bookish content. And now let’s get started with this post.

1. What was the last book you read?

It’s just the first week of the New Year and I was already overthinking what to read. So, I decided to pick up my go to escapist read, The Warsaw Protocol by Steve Berry.

2. Was it a good one?

It definitely was a lot of fun and I just love the familiarity of reading about characters whom I’ve known for so long.

3. What made it good?

The same factors that have made me continue with this series for almost a decade – lots of history, descriptions of beautiful places across the globe which I would love to visit, and some thrilling action and adventure.

4. Would you recommend it to other people?

I definitely would, especially when anyone needs a little pick me up or to readers who love books like Da Vinci Code and movies like National Treasure.

5. How often do you read?

I try to read pretty much everyday because it’s such an important part of my life.

6. Do you like to read?

Is this question valid???

7. What was the last bad book you read?

I really wanted to like Blitzed but I just couldn’t.

8. What made you dislike it?

I had too many expectations because the main character Brynne was a favorite from the previous books. The book had a lot going for it but some of the actions of Brynne felt very unlike her and downright awful, and the conflict at the end so unreasonable that it just soured my whole experience.

9. Do you wish to be a writer?

I mean, I think I want to be but I’m not sure I can. I’m not a very creative person, so I don’t think writing my own stories is gonna be my thing. But I love blogging about books.

10. Has any book ever influenced you greatly?

I did a whole post last year about books that have impacted me over the years and the first one that I always talk about is the Mahabharata. I have read many versions of the epic and I can still find something to learn from it.

11. Do you read fan-fiction?

I haven’t read much recently but there was a long period of time in 2018 when I was pretty obsessed with fanfics. And I still like them, I guess I just don’t have the time.

12. Do you write fan-fiction?

Nah.. As I said, I’m not a very creative person.

13. What is your favourite book?

Ain’t that the toughest question you can ask any reader..!!! But one of my last year’s absolute favorites is Red, White and Royal Blue.

14. What is your least favourite book?

This is actually even more tougher to answer, because why would I want to remember books I hated. So, I’ll pass.

15. Do you prefer physical books or reading on a device (like Kindle)?

Kindle, any time. I’ve gotten used to reading ebooks on devices and now I find it actually tough to read physical copies.

16. When did you learn to read?

I don’t know, must have been 3 or 4.

17. What is your favourite book you had to read in school?

I didn’t have a lot of assigned reading in school but one my favorites was a Sherlock Holmes short story, The Speckled Band which started my obsession with him.

18. What is your favourite book series?

Throne of Glass… Always !!!!!

19. Who is your favourite author?

Wow there are so many..!!!! Rin Chupeco, Nisha Sharma, Sandhya Menon, Leigh Bardugo, SJM, Robert Jackson Bennett etc etc.

20. What is your favourite genre?

Fantasy… duh!!!!

21. Who is your favourite character from a series?

Credit: Phantom Rin

Again… it’s obviously Aelin. I don’t know why I love her so much, I just do.

22. Has a book ever transported you somewhere else?

I have really felt transported by the Grisha trilogy, particularly Ravka is written very vividly and makes me wanna go there.

23. Which book do you wish had a sequel?

From my last year’s reads, it has to be Descendant of the Crane. I can’t believe there might not be a sequel.

24. Which book do you wish DIDN’T have a sequel?

I’m not exactly sure because I usually love getting more books with the same characters. But I definitely wish Cursed Child wasn’t canon.

25. How long does it take you to read a book?

If the book is good, just a day. If anything goes beyond 2-3 days, then I’m either gonna hate it or DNF it.

26. Do you like when books become movies?

I’m very bad at visualizing what I read, so I love movie adaptations. They just need to be good.

27. Which book was ruined by its movie adaptation?

Allegiant maybe. I loved that series (till that dreadful ending) but the movie was so dull and boring.

28. Which movie has done the book justice?

Lord of the Rings… !!!! I know hardcore book fans might not think so, but I adore the movies.

29. Do you read newspapers?

In childhood yes. Now I get my news from twitter.

30. Do you read magazines?

I might turn the pages of a magazine if I’m in a bookstore but I’m not that much into them. Sometimes, I might buy an Indian one if it has my favorite celebs on the cover or any special interviews.

31. Do you prefer newspapers or magazines?

None.

32. Do you read while in bed?

I actually put on an audiobook and go to sleep while listening to it. It has become a daily ritual now.

33. Do you read while on the toilet?

Well I usually have my phone or iPad with me, so sometimes yes.

34. Do you read while in the car?

I don’t know how to drive and I have a tendency to panic even when I’m a passenger, so reading while in the car is very good for curbing my anxiety.

35. Do you read while in the bath?

Nah.. not my thing.

36. Are you a fast reader?

Yup.

37. Are you a slow reader?

Nope.

38. Where is your favourite place to read?

My couch.

39. Is it hard for you to concentrate when you read?

I don’t think so. I put on tv or music while reading and I can concentrate just fine.

40. Do you need a room to be silent when you read?

No way. I’m not good with silences.

41. Who gave you your love for reading?

My parents were apparently avid readers before I was born and my name literally means “Literature”, so I always say I was destined to be a reader. And books were always what I got as gifts right from when I was around 6 years old, so I think it would be my parents who gave me my love for reading.

42. What book is next on your list to read?

I have no idea. Maybe Trick Mirror or Of Curses and Kisses.

43. When did you start to read chapter books?

I don’t think chapter books were really a thing in my childhood.

44. Who is your favourite children’s author?

Enid Blyton.

45. Which author would you most want to interview?

I met Nisha Sharma once during the Baltimore Book Festival and had a lovely chat with her, but I would love to do a more indepth interview with her for my blog.

46. Which author do you think you would be friends with?

I would love to be friends with Leigh Bardugo and Sandhya Menon.

47. What book have you reread the most?

Review: QoS

Throne of Glass, Queen of Shadows, Crooked Kingdom and Red, White and Royal Blue.

48. Which books do you consider ‘classics’?

I don’t think I like the label classic. It sounds a bit pretentious.

49. Which books do you think should be taught in every school?

Among the books I read last year, I would choose Kindred, How to Hide and Empire,  Between the World and Me, and Good Talk.

50. Which books should be banned from all schools?

I don’t think banning books serves any purpose, other than driving up the interest for them. But maybe we can tell students about the problematic content in certain books and then let them decide if they still want to read them.

I hope you got to know me a little better today through this post and liked reading my answers…!!! If you wanna know something else about me, feel free to ask me in the comments below 🙂

50 Bookish Questions Hello my dear friends.. !!! You are probably surprised to see this post today because I never blog over the weekend.

[tessalivesandbreathesbooks]

Love at Last

Here it is, the second chapter of Love at Last! I just want to explain, for those who didn’t know, that I’m uploading chapters of the story every three days. And about the accound at AO3, I asked to get invited, which is a requierement because the place is a beta. The invitation is going to arrive the 6th February (or so that’s the site say), but know that as soon as I get it, I’ll post the information here. Thanks again for reading my story and if you ever have any advice or anything you have to say, comment and send me an ask!

Love at Last is a high school AU whose characters belong to SJM’s world, not to me. You’ll find characters from both ACOTAR and ToG whose lives you’ll learn as the story progresses. Some characters might not make an appearance, such as Manon or Elide, mainly because I haven’t got as far in the real books yet and I know I’d not make a fair representation of these character’s personalities. They might appear in the future, I don’t know. The ships I’m supporting in my story are all canon: Feysand, Rowaelin, Nessian, Elucien and Morazriel.

Links: Chapter 1.

Chapter 2

Nesta's POV

Nesta Archeron was a force to be reckoned with, especially when she was mad.

And right now she was definitely not happy.

Nesta, with her arms crossed over her chest and a scowl on her face, was waiting with Mor and Elain for Feyre to show up. She was supposed to have arrived 20 minutes ago, but guess what? She hadn't, probably because she was making out with her fabulous boyfriend in some bathroom or against her locker.

Oh, how she loathed that prick. She seriously couldn't understand Feyre's obsession with him. She had hated him the moment he had opened his mouth and he had proven to be an utter jerk, an egocentric prick who thought the world spinned just for him.

She remembered the first time she saw him, walking as if he owned the place, even though he had known absolutely nobody at the time. Tamlin had arrived to their school six months ago from some city of Texas. His father was apparently a rich businessman, which was probably the reason why he acted the way he did and why most of the other pricks at school followed his lead. Feyre had been infatuated with him the moment she had laid her eyes on him and after five months of flirting and batting her lashes at him, she got what she wanted at that famous party at his house where he had spent at least three hours just standing there, looking at her, doing absolutely nothing. Feyre had had to stand there in those monstrous high-heels of hers for three hours, until he finally deigned to talk to her. What a jerk.

However, if it had been only that, she might have been okay with it. There were egocentrics and jerks  everywhere and if she had had the bad luck of having one dating her sister, she'd have had to roll with it, but there was this thing ... Tamlin was dangerous, a force of nature that couldn't be control, utterly unpredictable with his actions and emotions, especially when he was angry. And that scared her, especially now that he was dating Feyre because if he ever touched her in any inappropriate way ... he'd regret it. She's make him regret it, even if it was the last thing she did.

Nesta sighed and stretched her neck, trying to see among to sea of students scrunching down the hall, but to no avail. Feyre was still nowhere to be seen.

"Maybe we should go find her," Mor said, stretching her ams.

"I don't think she would appreciate that," Elain said, creasing her brows.

"So what, are we supposed to wait for her forever?" Nesta said through gritted teeth, "it's been already 20 minutes."

"Let's wait five more minutes and then we'll go find her."

"Elain, that's what you said 5 minutes ago." Nesta shook her head. "Seriously, if she doesn't show up soon I'm going to ... "

"Oh there she is!" Mor exclaimed.

Nesta turned her head to find Feyre running towards them down the hall. She looked like a mess, with her hair disheveled, her cheeks a bright shade of red, utterly out of breath.

"I'm so sorry, girls," she managed to get out between breaths. Her voice sounded tired, tinted with sadness. "I intended to come here right after class, but - a lot happened."

"Is everything okay?" Mor asked, looking right at her. Feyre shook her head and attempted to smile.

"It's ... it's nothing. It's just ... Tamlin, he ... "

Of course, it had to be him. Nesta growled, a deep enraged sound. She asked, with the blithering calm the preceded the storm, "Tamlin what Feyre? What has he done?"

Feyre looked straight at Nesta and shivered. "He ... I got paired up with Rhysand for a final project and he ... well, he was really mad."

"You haven't answered the question."

"He hasn't done anything, not really, it's just ... " Feyre shook her head. "You know how he gets sometimes."

"Oh, Feyre," Elain said, clearly worried, "what happened?"

Feyre sighed and proceeded to explain everything that had happened: how Tamlin had reacted to Rhysand's appearance and how, when he had discovered she had been paired up with him, he had lost it. He hadn't harmed her or anything, but from the way she said it, it had been close. In his enraged state, Tamlin had started kicking lockers and trashcans and when he was done, he had chased down the teacher to demand a change of partner for Feyre, which had obviously been denied and had been given along with detention. Lucien, in the end, had asked her to go away to let Tamlin calm down before talking to him because he knew how he could get and the risk he became when he was like that.

"I can't believe this." Nesta said, trying to keep her breathing even.

"Nesta ... "

"No, Feyre, I'm serious. What he's done ... this is not some petty thing, he could have hurt you. He's crazy, Feyre." Nesta's nostrils flared and she hissed, "can't you see it? Are you really that blind?"

Feyre scowled at her. "It was a one-time thing. It won't happen again. It was only because he hates Rhysand and he's scared he might hurt me."

Mor rolled her eyes. She was about to say something, probably to defend her cousin, but Nesta was kept going.

"Oh? Now that's a funny joke because despite all I've heard of Rhysand I've never seen him lay a finger on anyone, which considering the actual situation is more than I can say of your dear Tamlin."

"Are you serious? How can you compare Tamlin and Rhysand?" Feyre's face had taken a dark hint. "Tamlin is sweet and caring and understanding and in spite of everything that's happened I know he loves me and that the only reason he's doing this is because he cares for me. Because he's scared something might happen to me. That's all."

Nesta looked straight at Feyre, anger radiating through every one of her pores, and shook her head, "okay, that's great, Feyre. Just do nothing. But if you think that forgetting about the problem is going to make it go away, you're wrong. You need to do something about this."

Feyre pinched her nose and shook her head in a tired gesture. "This is my problem, not yours, Nesta."

"Yes, Feyre, but you are my sister and ... "

"Look just leave it to me, I'll handle it." Nesta tried to speak again, but a look from Feyre's face stopped her. The conversation is over, it seemed to say. "Can we go have lunch now? Or are we to say here forever?"

Mor and Elain looked at each other, probably trying to come up with something to say, but Nesta couldn't put up with it anymore. She was truly fed up with Tamlin, Feyre and all this drama. She turned around to leave, "I'm not hungry anymore, I think I'm going to go the library to study or something."

"Nesta, wait." Elain tried to grab her, but Nesta just brushed her off and kept walking.

Nesta Archeron kept walking and walking, trying to find a place where she could be alone and think, where she could let her frustrations out. She needed fresh air and peace and quiet. Before she knew what she was doing, she had arrived to the parking lot. Closing her eyes, she leaned against a car and sat down.

She hated that her sister didn't understand. She hated that she was dating Tamlin and that she was letting him do all those things to her. She hated her for being so blind and so stupid. She just hated an awful lot of things lately.

She was so engrossed in her own thoughts that she didn't hear anyone approached her, not until he was a foot away from her. Rhysand appeared before her.

"Fancy seeing you here. I hadn't considered you a ditcher."

Nesta sighed and turned around to face Rhysand. It didn't matter what others said about him, Rhysand was ... handsome. Annoyingly handsome. His dark hair and violet eyes made a stunning combination and his tattoos helped to create a dangerous aura around him. The whole area seemed to vibrate with power when he was near, a power that was both scary and intriguing. She looked nothing like Mor. His cousin was his utter opposite: while she look like a fiery angel, he looked exactly the way an angel would look if he fell from Heaven.

"If you are here for small-talk, I'm not up for it Rhysand."

He chuckled. "If I wanted small-talk, I'd not go to you, Archeron."

Nesta looked up at him and arched an eyebrow. "Then just ask whatever you need to ask or go to hell Rhysand. I'm not up for any of your crap, especially not today."

Rhysand looked at her and nodded slowly. Then he looked away and asked, his voice rough, "I just wanted to know how is your sister."

Now that was definitely a surprise. He must have seen the surprise registered on her face because he blushed and looked away. Now that was an interesting sight.

"I saw Tamlin drawing her away and it looked pretty bad. Has he ... " he gulped. "Has he hurt her? Is she okay?"

Nesta just stared at him, long and hard. "Why do you care, Rhysand?"

"Just tell me."

"Answer the question."

Rhysand looked at her then again, his eyes pleading. "Just ... please, Nesta. Please tell me. I need to know."

Nesta closed her eyes and shook her head. She didn't know what drove her ... if it were his eyes, bright with worry or his face which showed a vulnerability she'd never seen before. She didn't know if it were his tone, etched with pain and a sadness so deep she couldn't quite grasp, but she whispered, "he hadn't. She's okay, but Tamlin scared her today I think and if I'm honest, I'm scared too. Tamlin's a dangerous and impulsive prick and Rhysand? I don't want to wake up one day to see my sister covered in bruises or worse, dead, just because Tamlin had a bad day."

At that, Rhysand went silent. Nesta started to get up, brushing the dirt of her clothes, finishing their conversation when Rhysand said, "you won't."

Nesta blinked, "excuse me?"

Rhysand looked straight at her, "you won't see her covered in bruises or dead because of Tamlin."

"You can't control it, Rhysand."

Rhysand started to walk back to the school, but not before whispering, "I'd sooner kill Tamlin than see her hurt."

And with that, Rhysand made his way back to the school.

#love at last #chapter 2 #nesta's pov #fanfiction #fanfic