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peachy-hwa · 2 years

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It's Your Birthday (Make a Wish)

ANOTHER CHANGBIN FIC WOOOOOOOO.

And it is yet again for Oz because it's his BIRTHDAY!

This fic is Changbin x Trans male reader! They have sex for the first time!! It's birthday sex ;)

This fic uses terms typically used to describe afab anatomy so just know that going in!!

Warnings: trans reader, unprotected sex, oral sex, light dirty talk, consent conversations, reader is insecure about having sex so they talk about it

Smut under the cut <3

It was getting to be close to your birthday, and you couldn’t be more excited. This was going to be the first birthday that you celebrated with your lovely boyfriend Changbin, and it was already feeling like a dream. You knew that he was planning something, you had caught him quickly changing tabs on his computer a couple of times, and even kindly suggesting that you leave the evening of your birthday free so that you can spend time with him to do... something. You couldn’t wait to see what he had planned, he was the most attentive person you had ever been with and it was wonderful. All you had to do was distantly think about being sad and he would show up with flowers and a suggestion to watch one of your favorite movies and cuddle.

But unfortunately, that attentiveness had been a little bit of a problem for you lately. See the issue was, Changbin was hot. Like. Unbelievably, stupidly, cum in your pants just thinking about it hot. The being hot itself wasn’t really the problem. The real problem was that you were painfully horny all the time as a result of the hotness. And you couldn’t do anything about it.

You could jerk off, sure, and you had definitely done a lot of that lately, but there’s only so much a vibrator could do when you were constantly faced with a shirtless Changbin. So, maybe it was finally time to bite the bullet and talk to him about actually doing something beyond makeout sessions that you stopped before things could get too hot and heavy. The only thing keeping you from having sex with him literally all day every day was that you were trans, and the two of you hadn’t really had a conversation about it yet. You had talked about being trans of course, and he knew that you had gotten top surgery a couple of years back, but the two of you had never really broached the subject of sex, or what kind of equipment you had down there. You knew he was lovely and accepting of you and thought you were hot and gorgeous and handsome regardless, but a big part of you had always been worried that he would just be turned off by the fact that you didn’t have a dick. And that part had always won out, hence the pent-up horny frustration. But maybe it was time to change that.

The morning of your birthday finally arrived and found you waking up to Changbin bringing you breakfast in bed. He was so wonderful it was crazy. You spent the rest of the day out with some friends, coming back home just in time for the two of you to head out to the sushi restaurant that you loved so much. After a lovely dinner, the two of you decide to go on a walk before heading home for the night, and this feels like the right moment if there ever was one. As the two of you walked along a cute little path near the apartment you shared, you gently reached out and grabbed his hand. You needed the support for the conversation you were about to have.

“So… Changbin..” you started.

“Yeah?” He turned towards you as the two of you walked, awaiting the rest of your sentence.

“Ireallywanttohavesexwithyoubutimnervousyouwontbeintoitbecuaseidonthaveadickhahamaybeicouldjustblowyouyoudonthavetotouchmeatallactuallyifyoudontwantto” All of your words spilled out in a jumbled rush, and it made your cheeks get warm. You really weren’t normally this much of a mess.

Thankfully, he had been able to understand you.

“y/n, of course, I want to have sex with you, I would be into you even if you had a giant pumpkin down there. Seriously, you’re so hot to me no matter what.” He replied softly, rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb soothingly. “If you’re not comfortable with me seeing you like that though there are a lot of things we can do that are a little more than we’ve been doing but would hopefully make you feel comfier?” He continued.

“No no, I really am comfortable doing pretty much anything with you, I just worried because we hadn’t really talked about it…” You trailed off.

“I hadn’t brought it up only because I didn’t want to make you talk about something you didn’t want to discuss, but I can promise you that I am. So very much into you and want to do however much you want to do.” He smiled as he said this, and you felt heat start to twist in your gut at just the vague suggestion of him really wanting you, maybe as much as you wanted him.

“Ah… this is so exciting I’m not even gonna lie I think about having sex with you like. Constantly these days.” Now that you had overcome the hurdle of starting the conversation, your desire was starting to spill out. You really did want him so bad.

“I know we just talked about this, but if you wanted, we could do something tonight…” He trailed off, looking a little nervous. Like you would ever turn that offer down.

“Aww, Binnie wants to fuck me as a birthday present!” You laugh loudly, and start heading back to your apartment, practically pulling him after you.

“Eager?” He teases, and you respond by playfully hitting his arm. Obviously yes, but you didn’t need it said out loud.

When the two of you made it back to the apartment, he had barely shut the door before you were on him, pushing him back against the wall and kissing him hard. He seemed a little surprised but went along with it, wrapping his arms around your neck as you pressed closer to him, wanting to have as much of your body touch his as physically possible. You pull away from the kiss to start kissing down his neck, smiling as you felt his breathing quicken and his hips twitch slightly. This is about the point in your makeout sessions that you would stop and gently pull away, but not this time. This time, you answer the twitching of his hips by grinding into him, and he let out a gasp and continued to move his hips against yours. After several more minutes of this, he was gently moving you backward, mumbling out a “Baby can we go to the bedroom please,” and at your answering nod, he grabbed your hand and very nearly ran to the room the two of you shared.

Once in the room, he waited for you to sit on the bed and then gently lowered himself into your lap. You felt your cheeks grow warm at the sight of his very visible bulge and leaned in to begin kissing him again as soon as he was settled on top of you. Almost immediately he pulled away to start kissing down your neck and gently unbuttoning your shirt. You tipped your head back, breathing heavily and resisting the urge to moan at the feeling of his lips on your skin. Once he had undone all of the buttons, he leaned back to just. Look at you. If you hadn’t been blushing before you certainly would be now.

“You look so good like this, fuck,” He mumbled and leaned back in to continue kissing at your neck, occasionally biting gently and sending shivers down your spine.

You began to gently stroke his thighs, bringing your hands closer and closer to his bulge with each movement. His hips were twitching, trying unconsciously to get your hands to where he wanted them the most. Eventually, you gave in, rubbing against his clothed cock and feeling warmth zing through you at the groan he let out in response.

“Can you get naked, please? I want to see you,” You asked, voice coming out breathless.

He let out a chuckle and stood up to begin undressing.

You had seen him shirtless countless times before, but you felt your breath catch in your throat as you watched him pull his shirt off, and then reach to unbutton his pants. At the sight of his dick tenting his underwear, you swore your mouth literally started watering. He slowly pulled those down as well, and then there he was, fully naked and standing in front of you.

“How on earth are you so hot this is so unfair!” You whined.

He laughed softly and moved to sit on the bed. You wasted no time getting up, walking over to him, and kneeling between his legs.

You watched his face grow red looking at you there, the look in his eyes almost disbelieving.

“Changbin, darling, love of my life, can I pretty please suck your dick?”

He blushed even more at that.

“Y-yeah. Of course, you can.”

That was all the encouragement you needed. You began to softly kiss his upper thighs because. Seriously. His thighs. His hips twitched up at the feeling, and his dick bobbed slightly, and you were so over teasing him. You just wanted him in your mouth.

Slowly you licked him from base to tip, memorizing the taste of him, before taking the tip in your mouth and sucking on it gently. He let out a whine at this, and it was the prettiest sound you had ever heard. You slowly started to take more of him in your mouth, obsessed with how nice it felt to have your mouth full. Eventually, you had taken all of him, and your nose was pressed to his pelvis as you swallowed around him.

He brought a hand down to run it through your hair gently, clearly having to keep himself from moving so as not to mess up your rhythm as you started to move. Every time you took his whole cock in your mouth, he groaned, getting more and more worked up by the second. You brought a hand up to massage his balls gently, and he moaned even louder than before. You let out an answering moan in response, and something about the vibrations around his dick finally got him to start talking.

“Fuck baby, that feels so good, how are you so good at this, ah, fuck-” He cut himself off by moaning again, tipping his head back and twitching his hips up slightly.

“I’m not gonna last, I’m gonna cum, can I cum on your face, please baby-”

And who were you to deny him? You pulled off of his cock, angling it at your face and stroking him fast. Within moments he was letting out a long groan of your name and cuming on you, some of it landing on your lips, which you immediately licked. You were definitely addicted to the taste of him, no matter how weird that was.

You kept stroking him through the aftershocks until he actually moved your hand away, and pulled you up into his lap. He helped you wipe off the rest of his release with a tissue and then pulled you in for a kiss, bringing his hands down to your hips, urging you to grind against his thigh. In all the wonder of seeing him cum you had honestly forgotten your own arousal, but it was coming back to you full force now. You whined softly at the friction, and he pulled away from the kiss.

“Baby, are you ok with me returning the favor and eating you out?” He asked softly, running his hand along your inner thigh as he spoke.

“Yes, yes of course, oh my god.”

You moved off of his lap to lay on the bed, pulling off your pants and underwear.

For a moment he just sat there staring at you, and you felt your heartbeat get faster, still a little bit nervous about what he would think.

“You’re the hottest thing I’ve ever seen what the fuck.” He sounded legitimately mad about how hot you were, which made you smile softly, filled with relief as he settled between your legs.

At the first touch of his tongue, you let out a gasp, arching off the bed a little bit. You really were not going to last long with how sensitive you already were. He continued to lick softly at your clit, running his hands along your inner thighs as he did so. You reached down to tangle your fingers in his hair, urging him to keep going.

He moved lower, literally fucking you with his tongue, and you let out a loud moan in response, your brain-to-mouth filter officially completely gone.

“Changbin, fuck, someday I want you to fuck me like, for real, wanna feel you inside, you feel so good like this, oh my god, if you keep doing that I’m going to cum, ah-”

Changbin was licking from your hole to your clit and it was heavenly, you had been serious when you had said you were going to cum. You felt it building inside you, your whole body going tense as you prepared for what was about to be a mind-blowing orgasm.

“I’m gonna cum, fuck, don’t stop don’t stop-”

You cut yourself off with a loud moan, cumming hard on his tongue. He licked you through the aftershocks, your legs trembling around him until he pulled back and looked into your eyes.

You lay all the way down and sighed, closing your eyes and mumbling, “Happy birthday to me wow.’

He laughed, and cuddled into your side, grabbing a blanket and pulling it over the two of you. You curled up against him, burrowing in even closer as he wrapped his arms around you.

“Seriously how are you so handsome and how have we gone so long not doing this.” He remarked, slowly running a hand through your hair.

“I don’t know but you better believe we will be doing this all the time now.” You replied.

“Oh of course. I’m insatiable now that I’ve had a taste.” He gave you a sleazy wink as he said it, prompting you to hit him gently on the shoulder and giggle.

“What do you say we go out to the living room and eat ice cream and watch a movie now?” He questioned, looking into your eyes with so much love that you almost couldn’t stand it.

“That sounds like the best idea you’ve ever had.”

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sorikkung · 1 year

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what goes on in neverland. ⇝ ch. 5: attitude? right back at you!

word count: 9.2k

pairings: transmasc!reader x Everyone, everyone x everyone (its literally too convoluted for me to try type them out here anymore just see the masterlist for full pairings LOL)

genre: e2l, f2l, smut, fluff and lots of assorted shenanigans. hijinks, if you will

au: battle of the bands!au but make it gay and horny

warnings: lots of manhandling, bondage, mild cnc, edging, overstimulation, usage of vibrators, lots of powerplay (brat taming)

a/n: gonna start putting a/ns at the bottom now so the posts don't get too long!

tags: @honeybyunnies @syunderful @absentcaryatid @mingirn (lmk if you want to be added/removed!)

prev | masterlist | next | character checkpoint!

“Oh, there you ar-“

“You.”

The anger slashed all across Chan’s face dims slightly just at seeing Felix again, and it reminds you of the very same face Eric gives him – hell, even Changbin. It’s no wonder he acts like an entitled brat when it comes down to it, if he’s so used to everyone tripping over their feet to fawn all over his pretty face and stupid freckles, but he’s in for an ice-cold awakening to the fact that not everyone will fall for his charms so easily. No, leaving him high and dry isn’t enough – you need to rub salt in the wound and piss on it.

Chan only gets to look at you with a split-second of surprise before you’re grabbing him by the collar of his half-unbuttoned shirt and yanking him away from his argument with Eric, who says something that sounds mildly appalled but you pay it no mind, instead hyperaware of the daggers Felix glares into your skin from the side. He’s clearly waiting for you to try something, and so is Chan, body fully tense and sizing you up, trying to stand taller to give him more of an angle to look down at you from.

Frankly, you did not think this far ahead.

“What, that eager?” he scoffs, and it’s almost shocking how cocky he sounds so naturally, compared to the non-confrontational flounder he had when you first met and the desperate attempts to be at least relatively civil since, but evidently, he has had enough of holding back. The prospect would be a lot more exciting if you had any sort of game plan, or if you were still toying with him like that first night instead of being as genuinely bothered as you are now.

Though as far as a last-minute game plan goes, pissing Felix off and using his best friend to do it is a pretty damn good one. As good as it’s gonna get, anyway.

“Yeah, actually,” you admit, doing your damn best to make it sound less like an admittance and more of a sarcastic taunt as you buy time to think of a clever enough response, backing him up without much resistance to the nearest wall, shoving his back against it. The way he seems to have absolutely no complaint with being manhandled around and pliantly letting you do so, has something inside you burning up at the seams. “About as eager as you were in that chair at the Prism, blushing and hard for me. Tell me, Chris, do you like being watched?”

Testing the waters, you grab his chin and roughly turn it in Felix’s direction, casting a glance over your shoulder to challenge him before turning back to Chan, who still makes no move against you. He doesn’t even lift a hand to push you off or step away. You lean in right next to his ear, his jaw still firmly in your grasp, “Do you like the thought of him watching you? Is that why you’re letting me touch you like this?”

“No, I just think it’s funny,” he snickers, and you pointedly do not like how smug he sounds when he’s supposed to be easy to fluster. His ears still get tinged with red, but he does a spectacular job acting unbothered and its awfully convincing. “That once again, you’re trying to tease me for being eager when you’re the one who invited me to the show, then up on stage, now this… so, who exactly is the eager one, again?”

If it wasn’t so infuriating, maybe the giggles that followed would be arguably cute, but you’re more focused on the fact that your metaphorical hold on him is very rapidly slipping. Musicality may be one thing, but you’ll be damned if his meek ass beats you in sheer dominant sex appeal, too. You know he’s at least somewhat into you, surely, as he admitted he liked what he saw from the start and willingly showed up at the Prism, so it can’t just be that.

Good god, Bang Christopher Chan might have actually just gone and grown a backbone.

“I don’t know, Chris, I sure haven’t had anyone less than eager be so pliant for me like this, so you tell me.”

“Why do you want me to act up so badly, huh?” He deliberately swerves your obvious provocation of his English name to keep digging at you. “Did you enjoy getting smacked up by Changbin that much? It’s like you’re just dying to be put in your place.”

“Oh, you really think you could do that?”

He shrugs, cocking his head to the side.

“I could fuck around and find out.”

There is not a second of hesitation. The conviction in his voice is as clear as it is stupidly, effortlessly hot – he’s clearly ready to put his money where his mouth is, not just that he could but he would.

You should have given yourself more credit. While it initially seemed like Bang Chan was a difficult man to truly get a rise out of – at least, one that he doesn’t hold back for the sake of being polite – you’re simply just too good at it. Either that, or he isn’t as much of a sweetheart as he appears, which, frankly, would only make things far more entertaining. After all, a provocative asshole repeatedly fighting a backless people pleaser is basically just bullying, but a provocative asshole fighting a provocative asshole? Now that’s a brawl. Meaning you could afford to get a whole lot messier, not limited to the physical kind, and that’s something you haven’t had the chance to do justifiably in a damn long time.

How exciting.

“You could. I think the ‘find out’ part will be a lot more fun for me than for you, though. See, why I’m doing this is obvious and simple – I like playing with my food.” You tilt his head this way and that, just to emphasise his place; your plaything. He can’t forget. Not him too. “I’ve always been the type. Getting under your skin, driving you mad, making things hard for you on purpose – in both meanings of the word, that’s my thing – but you? What does letting me have my way with you, gain you, hm?”

He’s surprisingly quick on the uptake, and you’re starting to realise you may have underestimated him and his wit and will to step up to the challenge in terms of your silly little mind games. He doesn’t take the bait and deny that he is in fact, letting you toy with him – you have half the mind to think he enjoys it, being toyed with. It’s always the leader types who crave to submit – but nothing could have prepared you for the gall of his answer.

“To see how bad you want me.”

Felix and Chan have more in common than you initially thought, you notice. Both try so, so hard to avoid conflict, but when you push them far enough, they show a shocking boldness where they don’t pull their punches. Or maybe – and your work might be cut out for you if it is – maybe they are pulling their punches still, and you’ve only seen the tip of the iceberg. It’s positively maddening, and you don’t even know if he knows just how much, only that you need to take him down a notch.

Pettily, you surge forward like you’re about to kiss him, but right as your lips are about to meet and you feel him crane forward, you pull back, leaving him uselessly floundering in the air for a split second before opening his eyes in confusion.

“To see how bad I want you, hm? Please, you should see how badly I wanted Felix just before. He sure seems thrilled about it, doesn’t he? What did I just tell you about how I like playing with my food, sweetheart?”

“I do have a pretty sweet heart, don’t I?” he muses, his honey voice even sweeter, “Not you, though. You’re too good at bringing out the worst in people.”

When he takes a glance past you back at Felix, though, and sees Felix’s steely gaze staring right back at him while both of your bandmates bicker endlessly around him, your initial suspicion becomes all the more obvious. That last part sounded far too genuine, far less teasing, and you get the feeling he isn’t entirely or even mostly talking about Felix.

He just can’t keep up the nice guy act around you.

“You want to make freckles jealous. Isn’t that right?” His face falters instantly, something that doesn’t slip past you when holding him so close, tells you all you need to know. Putting the pieces together, it makes even more sense in hindsight – what made the Prism so different to that first bumbling encounter he had with you? Felix. It always comes back down to the golden boy, apparently, because Chan would do anything to seem like he’s got his shit together in front of him, and you think that sneaking off with him earlier made Chan more jealous than he’d want to acknowledge. “You’re letting me because he’s watching, and you’re still watching him to see if he gets just as jealous as you do whenever me or Eric pull him away from you, right?”

“God, do you ever shut the fuck u–“

You first feel his hand grab the back of your neck, and then it’s his supple lips crashing into yours, capturing them, taking your breath away. You meet his fervour with just as much in turn, grabbing a fistful of his hair that’s almost crusty with hair spray to style it out of his face, yanking it in a way that’s just too hard to be more pleasurable than painful. It’s all just teeth and tongue and him growling just loud enough for you to hear as he pulls you strongly against him.

The kiss tastes like victory and being right.

Truthfully, you did not think he had it in him to go for it in such a public area like this, but maybe you really do bring out the worst in him. Would he regret this after? How amusingly humiliating it would be for him if he did, though if he didn’t, things would sure get a lot more interesting. You make sure to do what you do best and put on a show, hooking your leg around him and pushing up his poor excuse for a shirt to touch and grab and dig your nails into any flesh that was offered to you, hoping Felix was still watching and soaking in every single detail.

In the end, you aren’t much better than Chan for wanting to make Felix jealous, as you are doing almost the exact same thing, albeit for different reasons. For you, it’s about winning. You want to gloat, add insult to the injury, and make him so hard in the process he’s left taking out his frustration on his own fist. If he comes crawling back, sure you’ll take him, but you definitely will not be gentle about it.

For Chan, he was just a poor fool in love with his best friend, and is probably hoping he’ll want a turn after getting a taste from a distance. Hoping that he’ll realise what he’s missing right before his eyes, and decide he wants it for himself, and Chan will willingly give it to him – he’s probably a boring missionary with the lights off kinda guy and thinks it’s romantic, or something. Were you not with two hands in his hair trying to stick your tongue down his throat, you would’ve chuckled at the thought.

“Are you serious right now?”

While you did expect an interruption, you expected it more from one of them than your own drummer, visibly seething. You break the lip-lock to glare at him back in sheer confusion, but Chan doesn’t stop, glaring at Eric as well while his mouth moves down to your neck. The situation is all too familiar, and you wonder how much detail Felix shared about your last encounter with the others.

“Why wouldn’t I be, Eric? I’m not touching your ex, so what’s the problem?”

“You were just a hot minute ago,” Eric counters, though it’s not like you tried to hide it anyway. You shrug, tugging on Chan’s hair again as he cautiously slows down to encourage him to keep going despite the interference.

“And? If you wanted me to follow the bro code, maybe you shouldn’t’ve suggested we tag team him at the Prism.”

Your bandmate rolls his eyes so hard he probably got a glimpse of his brain. “It’s not about being my ex, they just insulted our band and everything we stand for! Are you seriously going to just stand there and take that cause they’re hot?!”

“Take that? Oh, I’m not the one taking anything, just ask freckles over there,” you snicker, nodding toward him. “This boytoy is about to fuck around and find out.”

The band’s opinions might as well be the only opinions that matter to you at this point, but in this moment you find yourself easily discarding them. Yes, you originally started antagonizing them for Eric’s sake – and it still is a large part that, but especially after the stunt at the Prism, he has no right to tell you who you can or can’t fuck as your friend. Evidently now your competitors have gone from competitors and a bitter ex to straight up enemies in his eyes, and perhaps at least with Felix, yours as well – but there’s no arrangement saying enemies are off-limits, either. In fact, you recall your band agreeing that no one cares who else you sleep with, so long as none of you catch and spread anything.

“Maybe you can fuck around and find out yourself,” Chan pitches in boldly, surprising both of you. He looks forward at Eric through his eyebrows as he hovers over your shoulder still, but you can’t help get the feeling that he is hiding behind you like a shield.

Eric’s eyes nearly pop out of his damn head. He has never liked Chan, not since he dated Felix and certainly not now. He was always very clingy with Felix, which isn’t really a problem on its own, but even you could tell from the way he looks at him that Eric was not exaggerating when he said he was whipped. You recall him ranting about a time where Chan had called Felix his soulmate, which activated just about every possessive bone in Eric’s body, and you couldn’t exactly blame him.

To hear Chan come on to Eric for a change threw you both for a loop.

“Is that an invitation?”

“You wanna get the freckles treatment that bad, huh?” you poke, lightly smacking Chan’s thigh, “Fine by me. I wonder how long you’ll last.”

“No, I’m not doing this,” Eric mutters bitterly, turning around and heading off with a childish wave. He must be thoroughly pissed off to not take him up on the chance to – whatever it is you call what you two did to Felix that made him feel in control again. To prove himself, you suppose. Or even just to tease Chan until he breaks. “Have fun sucking off our nemesis, just don’t expect to come home and have me finish you off when he can’t please you!”

Cheap and immature – but Chan tightens his grip on you at that, bringing his lips next to your ear, asking slowly, cautiously, even – but undoubtedly brimming with anticipation.

“Is that... a challenge?”

“It sure is, hotshot, and you better not disappoint.”

Despite how well Chan has been keeping his cool so far, he lets it slip on the drive home that he was his roommates’ ride back home, yet here he is, driving home without them. He insists they’ll be fine, public transport running all night with a stop right by their house.

Not apartment. House.

It’s a nice house too, and you would’ve thought it belonged to a young family of five at first glance if he hadn’t already revealed he lives there with only ‘the rachas’, who you have deduced from your stalking– or, research, are the two other band members who produce most of their music. You nearly trip over a dozen pairs of shoes in the doorway, the casual reminder that ah, yes, these are very much still men, but cliché as it is, Chan catches and steadies you.

“Whoops. Sorry ‘bout the mess, wasn’t expecting guests- uh, you can take your shoes off if you want.”

Ever the gentleman, you suppose.

“Wow. Smooth,” you deadpan, blinking at him in awe before awkwardly removing your boots and stepping out just that much shorter without them, which Chan definitely notices, so you don’t give him time for a response. “You this charming to all of your hook-ups?”

“Oh shut up,” he grumbles, chucking his shoes off and ushering you towards what’s presumably his bedroom, complete with coloured wall lights setting the room in a homey purple glow, and nerdy anime figurines on his shelves. Cute. “I was giving you a chance to back out in case you were getting second thoughts.”

“Sure you were,” you drawl, unconvinced. Oldest trick in the book, and hardly impressive at that. “Now, are you really going to fuck around and find out, or admit you were all talk and get your ass out for me?”

Now that makes him blush and grin at the same time, finally sauntering over to you and unbuckling his belt. “I don’t get my ass out for just anyone, tough guy, I’m typically more of a top, so I do hope you were ready to find out when you let me fuck around.”

Now that’s a challenge if you ever heard one, and all of a sudden you aren’t sure who exactly is fucking around and finding out anymore. The thrill is exhilarating – little does he know or possibly realise, is that either way, you win. Because he can try put you in your place all he wants; even if he fucks the attitude out of you for a night, you’ll bite back harder as soon as you bounce back, and he can try again, but it’s not really punishment if you enjoy it so much.

He was doomed to fail the moment he brought you home with him.

“You think I need to top you to make you beg, pretty boy? Pff. You know what, I’ll even play nice. I won’t even try to take control for the first... five or so minutes. But I won’t give it to you either, so you’re going to have to take it yourself... or try.”

“You and your games,” he hums, straightening his belt in his hands and turning it over almost in contemplation. You don’t think he’ll actually use it, but you entertain the thought. “You gonna put a timer on me too?”

“Do you want me to? Cause it seems to me like you’re stalling again. Come on, big boy, give it your worst. I imagine you have a lot of anger to take out on me, no?”

Your confident smile stays on your face when he lazily shoves you towards the bed, the back of your legs bumping the mattress, but you don’t even so much as sit on it, giving him a taunting look. Does he really think you are that easy? Does he really think you actually have any plans to cave for him?

“Wow, that was pretty weak.”

“If you want me to be rough with you, tough guy, we’re gonna need a safe word.”

Ooh. Now you like the sound of that.

“Red. Red light, if you prefer something more specific. I’ll say yellow if I’m reaching my limit. Likewise you can say the same, and I sure hope you do – because once I get started, I’m not stopping until you do.”

He bites his lip at the warning; you can just feel the excitement emanating from him in waves. It’s almost more cute than it is threatening, and you already know you’re going to have fun with him.

Ahh, nothing quite like the thrill of a charged rivalry.

“Red light to stop, got it,” he confirms, nodding. “And... nothing else?”

“Nothing else?”

“Like...” he looks down at his belt again, running his hands across it, “just to be totally clear. When you say you’re not stopping until I do say it, does that mean we don’t stop if we say ‘stop,’ only when we say red light?”

You’re sure your face must have just lit up like a goddamn Christmas tree, but you cannot help it. “CNC, huh? Didn’t think you had it in you, but yes, only red light. Though if you think I’m going to whine and plead for you to stop to get your dick hard, you’re going to be quite very disappointed.”

“You really need to learn to shut the fuck up for once.”

Music to your ears, as far as you are concerned. Not just is it a tantalizing promise, but it’s oddly satisfying to hear him say something so directly hostile – you have certainly succeeded in your mission to push his buttons, and now you’re just looking for even more to press.

He pushes you back with more force this time, and when you hold firm, he simply picks you up like you don’t weigh anything and tosses you onto the bed like a ragdoll, climbing over you and pinning you there. You try to grab him to flip the two of you over, but he’s much stronger than Felix was – you can feel it in his grip, his weight, and how easily he manhandles your wrists to either side of your head and keeps them there despite your struggle, and boy, do you struggle.

“Great job shutting me up,” you spit sarcastically, but he just keeps grinning down at you like he’s so thoroughly endeared by whatever he’s seeing. Not angry. Endeared.

Something about that feels so much worse.

“You’re trying so hard right now,” he giggles, fucking giggles at you, “but you can’t overpower me, can’t you?”

That motherfucker is getting off to this.

You relax your muscles then try to surge up with all your strength at once, just like how you overpowered Felix in a similar position, but unlike him, Chan doesn’t budge, arms flexing as they keep you firmly held down. Completely physically at his mercy.

You seriously need to hit the gym.

God, he likes it way too much, you can see the power trip written all over his face, and you can’t let him have it that easy. The show of strength is attractive, sure, but he’ll have to try harder than that to get anything else out of you, and he’s far too pacifistic to really tame you.

“Maybe not physically,” you huff through gritted teeth and a half-smirk, “but that doesn’t mean you’ve won.”

“That’s right, you want me to fuck the attitude out of you too, don’t you?��

If you had been drinking something, you would’ve spat it out all over his face at that – it’s so damn jarring to hear something so crude coming out of his mouth, so confidently, even after all the tension tonight. He’s always stepped up to your challenge, but even when he shed his shyness, there was still a level of politeness to him – or was that restraint?

“I want you to try, hotshot.”

“I’ll give it my best shot, then.”

He finally lets you push him off you, but when you’re both upright in a sitting position, he moves with startling quickness, grabbing both your arms again and pulling them behind your back and twisting you around to face away from him. You thrash about, but he simply shoves your face down into the mattress, grabs his belt again and loops it around one wrist to pull it to the other. You don’t make it easy for him, but eventually he manages to get both wrists tied in his belt, and when you try to slip free, you realise these are no improvised cuffs – he's definitely used his belt like this before.

“You’re a real freak on the inside, aren’t you?” you chuckle, testing the belt cuffs again. They hold steady, chafing against your skin. “It’s always the sweet ones, isn’t it?”

He scoffs, but he hardly seems offended. “That’d imply you’re anything of the sort. You may be a freak but you’re hardly sweet.”

“Oh, but I can be. You simply haven’t earned the privilege, sweetheart.”

And you really can be, the band would attest to that; your mean streak is coupled with the inclination to reward good behaviour when suitable, and you’re sure if you just dangle it in front of him like a carrot on a stick, he’ll walk on hot coals to earn his validation. The ones who pine so hopelessly are always the same like that.

“I don’t think I need it.”

He holds the cuffs in one hand so you can’t escape while the other starts divesting you of your pants, and you’re effectively lost for words. Just how long does he think he can keep this act up? He could barely contain himself back at the venue, all over you as soon as you started provoking him, letting you shove him around like a pathetic little thing.

His grin doesn’t seem so polite anymore.

“I usually feel a little bad when people want me to be rough with them. I don’t want to hurt anyone unless they're really into that, that’s not really how I get my kicks. I’m more of a giver. But you? You make it so easy to just take.”

He doesn’t even fully pull your pants and underwear off, shoving them down only to your knees, then shoves two long fingers inside you, earning him a hiss. Chills go down your spine; he’s serious. You thought he would be too soft for you, but with him manhandling you now, the sinking feeling creeps up on you that your initial judgements of him may in fact be wrong.

“Cause you just love it, don’t you? This is exactly what you wanted from me.” You do. It’s exactly what you wanted but the last thing you expected, and it has you positively reeling. “You’re so fucking wet... I knew you wanted to be put in your place.”

You cast him a glance over your shoulder, raising an eyebrow at him and giving him the most neutral expression you can muster. “You think this is all you? You have no idea what I got up to with your precious little freckled boytoy in the back corridor, do you?”

That hardens his features, pumping his fingers into you with more vigour, but with the angle, the method, and your sheer determination to not give him the satisfaction, it doesn’t do a whole lot. “Go on then, fuck the attitude out of me, if you think you can really do that.”

Something seems to click. He pauses.

“Hm... I don’t think I will.”

You’re washed over with a wave of déjà vu to not that much earlier that night with Felix in that corridor. There’s no way he knew exactly what happened – you may have hinted at it, but there’s no way he knows specifically. There’s no way he’s about to do the exact same thing to you. There’s just no way.

He pulls back, taking his hands off you completely and sitting back on his knees. Observing you. Amused. Endeared.

Fuck.

“You want it so badly. Why should I give it to you? You don’t deserve it.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Backed into a corner, you’re left with two options – give him what he wants, or edge yourself a second time in one night just to keep your pride, which, doesn’t really feel like is still intact when he’s not just using your own trick against you, but also, he just seems far too smug. If you say no now and walk out just like you did with his bandmate, after going with him all the way home and into his bed, you know it’ll reflect more on you than on him, and he knows that.

"You wouldn’t have brought me back here if you didn’t want it badly enough too, smartass, so try again.” It’s a last-ditch attempt at saving face, but it has truth to it – not that you think he will cave in so easily.

As it turns out, you are right.

“You’re a brat,” he deadpans, crossing his arms and giving you a smirk that only tells you that he thinks he’s won. The odds of him thinking correctly are not exactly skewed in your favour. “You want to be put in your place more than I want to do it for you.”

“You know what? Your five minutes are over.”

It’s the only trump card you have, so you turn around and kick your bottoms off completely, climbing into his lap and grinding down on him, feeling just how hard he’s gotten from all the night’s teasing. It’s harder to get the upper hand on him when your hands are tied behind your back, but while you try to slip free of them, he simply laughs at you, grabs your wrist and pulls you off him with such ease it’s humiliating.

“You’re so cute.”

Cute? You’ve never been more enraged at praise before, feeling a red hot rush of anger and god knows what else all at once. Any other day and you’d be teasing him right back, but anything you could possibly say back to that dies on your tongue. The dawning fear that you may have finally bitten off more than you can chew sinks in like a pit in your stomach, directly betrayed by the heat it sends down south at the thought of sweet, pathetic Chan, having his way with you. At the thought of what he’d do to you if you finally caved.

But you don’t need to. You have six other bandmates at home who know your body inside and out, who can probably please you far better than him – if you wanted someone to overpower you and break you, you could always go to Mingi. If you wanted a power struggle and a brat to tame, you could go to Wooyoung. If you wanted a power struggle to lose, you could always go to San or Sunwoo. If you wanted someone who could match your every move and go all night, you could go to Er–

Or... maybe not. Not tonight.

“I’m not cute,” is all you manage to say back, albeit rather weakly, and Chan just coos and ruffles your hair. Perhaps messing with the nice ones wasn’t your smartest move, as each act of affection he shows you seems even more potently menacing and deliberate than the last.

“Cutest thing I’ve ever heard.”

You were so fucking wrong about him.

“Fuck you.”

“Say please?”

You want to kick and scream. He’s positively fucking infuriating, and you want – no, you need him to shut up and get you off before you spontaneously catch fire, but that’s exactly where he wants you and you hate it. But the thought of release, here and now without waiting to get home and deal with Eric’s pissy mood or having to handle it with only the help of your trusty vibrator, is looking more and more appealing with each passing second you spend glaring at his sickeningly pointed smirk.

“I’m going to kill you for this.”

With only the cruellest of gentleness, he brushes stray strands of hair out of your face, gracing you with only that touch and nothing else, his smirk growing into a wide, saccharine smile.

“You can try.”

Your own words, effectively chewed up and spat right back in your face. Fuck.

Humiliating is the only way you can describe it, deeply and thoroughly humiliating, searing at your skin and all your senses, and yet, you still want him. Wooyoung’s humiliation kink suddenly seems to click in that moment, the way that white-hot shame is only making you even more flustered and worked up, but it’s more how frustratingly in-control Chan looks, kneeling in front of you and observing you like this. It’s a good look on him – too good of a look, you think, wanting to wipe it right off his face, but you don’t know how, so you do the only thing you have left.

“...please.”

“What was that?” He leans in closer, smug as can be, cupping a hand around his ear as if he really couldn’t hear you in the complete silence of his room. Bastard.

“I’m not saying it again,” you spit in one last act of defiance, legs wobbling like jelly with the sheer embarrassment of it all. You’ve been provoking him this whole time, and now he gets to tease you? You’re taking this shame with you to the goddamn grave. “Either fuck me like you’ve been wanting to do this whole time, or don’t. I don’t care.”

It’s a lie and you both know it, because if he doesn’t you know you’ll be so pent up that not even your vibrator could save you, but it’s easier to say that than to let him get any smugger than he already is. If your big mouth just sealed your fate, so be it, because there is no going back now.

“I think we both know,” he begins slowly, “that you do care. But it’s okay, I’m not as blatantly mean as you are.”

Mercy? Is he really showing you an act of mercy after so determinedly trying to make you crack? It doesn’t make sense – well, not until you consider that he has been edging himself just as long as he’s been edging you, so you suppose he’s taking the most subtle way he can of caving in. That’s enough for you, you think. You’ll take it.

He pushes you back onto your back, arms somewhat uncomfortably stuck beneath you, but you hardly have it in you to care when he finally touches you, running his hands along your thighs and spreading them open with the firm instruction for you to keep them there. For once, you don’t actually feel like disobeying.

He gets up, taking his time to walk around to his bedside table, and rummage through the drawers. After his expertise in repurposing his belt, you don’t know what to expect him to pull out from there, and based on the way he strokes his chin and stares periodically as he shuffles around, you get the idea he’s not sure yet either. That, or he’s deliberately making you wait, which is probably just as likely.

“Are you more of an external or internal stimulation kinda guy?” he asks thoughtfully, tilting his head at his drawer, and your eyes widen at the question.

“Now why should I tell you that?”

“Uh, to come,” he scoffs back bluntly, “But that’s fine if you want to be stubborn still. Can’t go wrong with both.”

He pulls out a blue rabbit vibrator and some lube, which you’re not sure why he bothers with when you’re already soaking a wet spot onto his sheets, but when he pops the cap open and your nostrils are hit with the scent of vanilla, you have a decent guess.

“You don’t want to fuck me yourself?” You aren’t trying to taunt him this time, genuinely just surprised he’s doing all this without touching himself even once this whole time or even so much as taking off his clothes – you're starting to really believe him when he said he was a giver earlier.

He simply smiles at you, pushing the lubed-up dildo to your hole gently. “What did I say about you not deserving it?”

You shrug the best you can with your bound arms trapped between you and the mattress, at last relaxing to just enjoy the ride. If he wants to deny himself further, you’re not going to work yourself up into a fit over it – at this point, you just want to get off, so as far as you’re concerned, it’s his loss.

“Fine by me. Toys usually feel far better than anything your dick could do, anyway.”

He doesn’t seem to take the bait this time either, and truthfully, you don’t mind – not when it wasn’t even a lie, not really. When he switches it on, immediately turning it up three settings, your body jolts at the vibrations on your clit and inside you, mouth falling open in a silent cry.

“That’s better. Feel good?”

You nod wordlessly as he pushes it in and out of you, the combined sensations rendering you breathless for a long moment while you get used to the onslaught of pleasure enough to form words again. You’d be more embarrassed if you were not so wound up already, but it also helps that it’s just a toy rather than anything he could really brag about. You could probably use that against him later. At least, you hope so.

“Use your words when I talk to you, baby.”

He sounds like a siren, the way he makes that sound like the most beautiful thing you’ve ever heard, body shuddering and eyes rolling back as he turns the toy up one notch more.

“F-Fuck- it feels good! So good,” you gasp, trying to catch your breath while it seems like it’s trying to sprint away from you. It’s so much all at once, and with all the teasing you already endured, you don’t think you will last very long.

He leans over you, swiftly but not hastily kissing down your neck, unbuttoning your shirt to continue kissing down your chest, stopping at the gnarly scar across the underside of your pectorals. You brace yourself for one of the many comments you’ve heard, grabbing your wits about you and sharpening your tongue in preparation, then he breaths out–

“Pretty.”

Pretty? Your words get caught in your throat, his lips coming down to leave feather-light kisses on the scar from one end to the other, and each tiny point of contact feels like electricity crackling through you. Pretty. He just saw the dark, wide scar that speaks loudly of the battles you’ve won, your pride and your pain and your story all in one, and he kisses it and calls it pretty. Like it isn’t horrifying, or grizzly, or even badass or cool, but pretty, as if it’s something delicate, something to be revered.

When he’s supposed to be mad at you.

Each drive of the toy into you accompanied with the gentle worship of his lips has your back arching off the bed, tears springing to the corners of your eyes as he picks up the pace and the high you’ve been craving all night crawls up on you with overwhelming quickness, so close you can taste it on your tongue.

“Oh fuck, I-I’m close–”

Then he stops.

Any cry of protest you were going to make dies on your lips, and instead, the tears of overwhelm that built up in your eyes finally spill over and down your cheeks, your hips instinctively twitching to try and get any sort of feeling once he pulls the toy away from you completely, still buzzing.

“You- You said-”

“I said I’m not as blatantly mean as you are,” he coos, stroking your hair again, his smile down at you with nothing but trouble written all over it. You swallow thickly. “I can be subtler about it, and much, much meaner.”

“You haven’t even seen how mean I can get yet, hotshot,” you jeer, but you’re sure it doesn’t hold much weight with tears on your face and the edge of whininess to your voice.

He doesn’t seem very intimidated, nor does he even grace that with a response, simply pressing the tip of the toy directly at your sensitive clit, but only for a moment before pulling back again, giggling cutely at how your hips keen up for more.

“Fuck you!”

He repeats the teasing motion again, his harmonic giggles filling your ears, and you don’t remember the last time you’ve been this riled up before, that with each touch of the buzzing toy you almost, almost tip over the edge, but you know you don’t want to. You know that if you do, it’ll stop, and you’ll be riding out your orgasm on nothing but air.

Please. You know that’s what he wants to hear. You know that’s all you need to say. And yet, there’s a part of you that still doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction, even though you’re sure he’s already had plenty just stringing you along this far and getting you to say it once, but your pride is too stubborn to say it like you mean it.

“Maybe Eric was right, I might need to get him to make me come after all since you can’t seem to- ah!”

He takes your bait this time, but not in the way you wanted to, pressing the toy hard against your over-sensitive nerve endings, just long enough to watch your body writhe and squirm and try to choke back a cry before he pulls back, but it’s too late. He brought you over the edge and let you fall, whining and shoving your hips up into nothing as your ruined orgasm pulses through you.

“Can’t make you come, huh?”

You haven’t caved in yet. Not fully. You don’t have to, you think, you can endure it and get him to go again and if you concentrate really hard, you can come without him realising, surely–

“What’s your colour?”

You blink quickly, still reeling, then process his question. You didn’t go this far just to call it quits now, not when you haven’t even touched him yet, not when you haven’t even got the chance to see his resolve crumble. You need it, you need to break him, whatever it takes.

“Green.”

“Good boy,” he chuckles darkly, petting your hair again, and now you register it as what it is – a warning. “Because I’m not done with you yet.”

How many times has it been?

You can’t count. You’re not sure if you can even tell up from down. The world is spinning, you’re just caught in its orbit, and just as you try to tense your body to not shake when your high creeps up on you again, it shakes anyway, and Chan pulls back once more.

“You’re so fucking mean!” you scream, thrashing your legs about, but like every other time so far, he just laughs at you, then licks along the shaft of the toy, tasting your essence for himself.

“I can do this all night, you know. The rachas might be back soon, though, and this rabbit only has so much charge, sooo... well, I can’t force you to do anything, no?”

But he can, and you’re both aware of it, that’s precisely what you wanted to see him do, precisely the reason why you clarified the extents of your safe word system, but he’s doing it on purpose. He doesn’t want to take what he wants from you, because that’s exactly what you want him to do. He, just like Felix did, wants to see you beg, and unlike the former, he might just get it.

Please.

You’re at your wits end. More tears trail down your cheeks, to which he softly brushes off with the pad of his thumb, then sucks clean. He’s sick, licking your tears, but he looks fucking godly, the kind of powerful that mortals will clamber over each other tooth and nail just to feel for a day. It defies every preconceived notion you had of the man, but damn if you haven’t always had a thing for a defiant streak and his is giving you a taste of what madness truly feels like.

Please.

“So, what’s it gonna be, tough guy?”

The condescending nickname only makes you want to act out even more, but you’re almost spent and he hasn’t even taken his pants off yet, and you cannot leave his bed without having made a dent in him whatsoever. You refuse.

And so, you beg.

“Please.”

“I can’t hear you–”

“Please!” You cry out, voice ragged from all the strain, “Please, Chan, just let me come already for fuck’s sake you’re such an asshole, just let me cum or I swear I’ll-”

“Um? You were off to a good start baby, but that doesn’t sound like using your manners anymore...”

That cruel, cruel, smile, will follow you into both your wet dreams and your nightmares. You’ve seen what lies behind that polite demeanour now, and were you any less headstrong, you’d decide not to test him again – but you can’t have suffered this for nothing. You can count your losses now, and come at him more prepared next time, because right now, you would do whatever he asks so long as he just. Lets. You. Come.

“Please! Please, please, please let me come! I’m already begging I don’t know what else you want from me, please, Chan!”

He sets the toy aside and you’re almost about to start whining and pleading again or even call yellow when he leans over to his bedside drawer again and this time, grabs a magic wand. Your eyes widen when he plugs it into the wall, realising that if this wand needs a three-prong outlet to power it, you might not feel your legs by the end of this.

“Good boys get rewarded,” he reminds you, undoing his fly and shoving his briefs down just far enough to get it out of the way, finally revealing himself to you in all his glory, hard and leaking for you no doubt from how long he’s been holding himself off for this. He still takes his time fishing a condom out of his pocket, and you just wish he’d hurry up.

“Forget that,” you huff, trying to nudge it away with your knee, “I get tested frequently and got the scoop already, just let me feel you, please.”

“How do you know I don’t have anything?” he teases, stilling his movements, and you groan at how your attempt to hurry him along just dragged it out even longer. “I mean, I don’t, but that’s not really the safest of habits–”

Were you not bound and begging him to fuck you, you’d have socked him in the face already. “Are you going to keep lecturing me or are you going to fuck me already?”

He laughs, tossing the condom aside and moving closer between your legs, collecting your wetness on his tip and hissing at the feeling – you have no doubt he’s beyond sensitive with how worked up he must be, depriving himself all night, and you just cannot wait to see him break loose.

“You’re cute when you’re desperate.”

He sheathes himself fully inside you all at once, filling you up just that much more than the toy did, and the groan that he lets out at you clenching around him is the most euphoric thing you’ve heard all night, even more so than the screams of the crowd at the contest. Loud was not the first word that came to mind when you imagined what Chan would be like as a dominant in bed – not that you’d imagined it prior, or, at least, not for too long, anyway – but it turns out he is full of surprises. He doesn’t hold back the breathy grunts that spill from his lips as he starts to move, and neither do you.

Your arms ache, wrists moist with the sweat trapped between the belt and your skin, but you don’t have it in you to speak up about it, as if he stops or slows down now you think you just might kill him for real. Just as you try to wriggle and slip your hands free to touch yourself, you are forcefully reminded of the toy he grabbed earlier – almost more fitting to call it a tool with the strength of the vibrations suddenly pulsing against you, so intensely it pulls out a moan so loud it borders on a scream.

“Fuck– Chan– too much–!” you gasp, tears welling up in your eyes, but when you blink them away and see Chan just give you a questioning tilt of his head, you know what you have to say to make him slow down.

The word never leaves your lips.

“Too much, huh?” he taunts, snapping his hips even faster and making your toes curl. There’s a gravelly tone to his voice now, no doubt him finally losing his composure now that he is finally having you himself. “Weren’t you begging for this just a moment ago? Don’t you– hah– Don’t you want to come? Fuck, you’re clenching around me so tight like this, baby...”

He’s gone already, you realise, though not like you’re one to talk – you wonder if this is part of why he waited so damn long, but by now you’re not that far behind him, barely hanging on. It’s only when you realise that you are still trying to hold on when he’s already given you permission to come do you finally let go, calling out his name as possibly the most intense orgasm you have ever experienced wracks your body in waves.

“That’s it baby, just like that, fuck, come for me, come.”

You don’t remember the last time you cried this much in bed, but it’s so overwhelming that the tears just keep on falling and your body keeps on writhing, almost trying to pull away, but your wrists are still tightly bound, and Chan does not let up, even for a moment. His groans grow louder, his face beautifully scrunched up in ecstasy, and his grip on your hip tightens with each thrust.

The vibrations on your clit don’t let up either, Chan still holding the wand firmly in place, but you can’t string together a sentence to stop him. You don’t know if you want him to, all you know is that it hurts, but it’s hard to tell where pain ends and pleasure begins, just stars spinning behind your eyelids.

“Ch-Chan,” you whine, physically reeling, “T-Too much...!”

Yellow. It sits on your tongue, simmering, the same way you can almost feel heatwaves emanating from both you and Chan’s bodies, trembling like a leaf, but it doesn’t reach a boiling point, just an inch too shy. You can take it. You can take more. You want it. You need it.

“If it were anyone else,” Chan rasps, leaning down and propping up his free arm next to your head so his face hovers closely over yours, “Anyone else and I’d feel really bad about this.”

Chan proves to be one of the most confusing men you have ever met, because him saying that fills you with equal parts dread, excitement, and the most twisted sense of pride at being the only one to be able to draw out this side of him. To have that much of an effect over him. Either you tell yourself that to cope, or maybe you didn’t completely lose this test of will after all.

All the sweat manages to be enough for you to finally slip your hands free from belt one at a time, grabbing at his broad shoulders to brace yourself–

And then he sets the wand to max.

Your nails meet toned muscle as you dig into his back hard enough to feel the skin breaking, clawing all the way down his back for dear life. Part of you is glad the tool itself is so blaringly loud, because while it doesn’t actually drown you out at all, it at least gives you something else to hear other than your own voice when you make a sound almost foreign to your own ears. You can barely focus on how enticing Chan sounds now, gasping and groaning and hissing at how you feel and releasing inside you, trying to concentrate on the image of him the closest you’ve seen to ruined through the tears that keep welling up in your eyes.

When it finally stops, you feel like you’re falling back down through the atmosphere, picking up speed as you plummet back down to earth, but your landing is cushioned by Chan’s gentle hands and gentle voice, cooing at you softly and scooping you into his arms. He strokes your hair rhythmically, and this time, it’s not a warning – you haven’t processed a single word he has said to you, but you can feel it enough that it’s not a warning.

You feel like you might just break.

“Yellow,” you mumble out loud, at least, but Chan just tuts and cups your face.

“It’s done now, you’re done, it’s okay,” he whispers, kissing your nose, then your forehead, then tucking your head under his chin and just holding you there. Why? “You don’t have to take anymore, okay? You did good, baby. You did good.”

You did good.

You don’t know why hearing that from him makes you dizzy, but you cling to him right back, trying to get a grip on your breathing by syncing it up with the soothing strokes of his palm down your back. It’s such a stark contrast to the man who was just admitting to not feeling bad about pushing you so close to your limit, so different to the Chan who told you that he doesn’t feel like he has to be a giver with you. The Chan that holds you takes nothing and doesn’t let go until you loosen your grip on him first, from damn near falling asleep.

How long you spent there just stuck to him like glue is beyond you, but it feels like hours. He asks before pulling away, if you’re okay, then tells you he’s going to clean you up and returns with wet wipes and a towel to wipe you off. You drowsily let him wipe you down until you hear the front door opening in the distance and flinch, but Chan just hushes you and smooths his hands over your sides until you calm down.

“Don’t worry about them,” he reassures you, “they’ll be going straight to bed, and they sleep like the dead. You’re fine with me.”

You’re not present enough to process how that makes you feel, or to say anything back. Sleep calls, louder this time, and you answer in kind.

a/n: annnd thats a wrap for this eventful night! if you all are enjoying, it'd mean the world to me if you let me know by answering some questions on this (completely anonymous!) google form so i can work on making the series more enjoyable :) but also feel free to go crazy in the tags/reblogs/comments or even hit up my ask box, i'd love to hear any reactions or opinions or even questions you might have about the series. i appreciate u all endlessly regardless 💘 thank u for reading my pride n joy~

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kpop-with-mars · 2 years

Text

|everything you are is beautiful|Hyunjin x trans reader|

{hwang hyunjin was your best friend from kindergarten to middle school going separate ways after high school and growing apart overtime, years later you would have a talent for playing an array of instruments and become a small artist under jype, but then when you see stray kids you recognize hyunjin but the thing is he doesn't realize who you are, reason being you had been transitioning after graduating}

paring{hwang hyunjin x trans(ftm)reader}

tags{angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, pining, best friends, mlm, found family, coming out, comedy, crying, depression, dysphoria, happy ending}

☣WARNINGS☣{im a trans boy but im sorry if i miss some things or misrepresent some trans people, swearing, angst, big sad argument near the end, depression, body dysphoria, coming out, mentioned someone outting you}

word count{2,3k+}

A/N{reader is same age as hyunjin but a bit younger by a few months, this fic will be available on ao3 as well}

{d/n = deadname}

enjoy!

He's beautiful

beautiful is the only way to describe hwang hyunjin, beautiful in the sense that he could make the ugliest outfit In the world make him look like a god, beautiful in a way that makes you wonder for a second if he really is this kind just for the camera but then you meet him and his personality is like moonlight reflecting on a pond in a quiet forest, so calm and peaceful to anyone and everyone but most of all beautiful, his voice, talents, hobbies just make him so beautiful he left people wanting to be as talented as him or look like him or be as rich him, but he always left you thinking

'why can't my body look like that? why couldn't I be born the same way he was?'

You've always been dealing with dysphoria even after top surgery and starting testosterone you can't help but want to scream when you get called a 'lady' or 'ma'am', its so hard because in your head you think that if only you had been born like hyunjin you wouldn't be dealing with some the problems you've gone through, like the slurs, the bullying, your parents disowning you, all of the things you experienced just because you want to be boy,

You're regularly around stray kids for most of your job, you are an idol too after all, and over all of the time you've had to reconnect with hyunjin you and him became friends like you were back in middle school always joking around poking fun at some of the members but never crossing the line with any of them and enjoying eachother's company and even growing some secret feelings for him, but you felt like he couldn't love you, he didn't even recognize you from when you two were younger and he would sometimes slip into conversations about how he misses his best friend d/n, he just couldn't love you because to you its clear he loved better as a girl,

You feel as though now that you're away from all of the people including your family that don't support you, everyone has to hate you, but not hyunjin and the rest of stray kids they've always felt like a safe space for you and there always gonna be with you, every time you think they're going to hate you for being trans they always show so much love even though they don't know yet,

"hey y/n-ah were gonna have a little sleepover party at the dorm you wanna come along" seungmin asked "of course ill be there" you responed excited to go spend some time the group after weeks of promotions and interviews.

you arrive to stray kids dorm wearing some comfy and casual clothes that Felix got you on a little date shopping with him and hyunjin, you come into the dorm and make your self comfortable on one of the recliners sitting next to han and hyunjin playing smash Bros on there big ass tv, "y/nnie you wanna play with us?" hyunjin asks you handing out a little switch controller for you to take "oh sure!" You say a bit startled by hyunjin talking to you while your head was in the clouds, but before you guys can start another round jeongin comes running into the living room dragging minho behind him "let's play truth or dare!" everyone immediately stopped with what they were doing and formed a circle on the floor, "alright first, han, truth or dare" minho said as he looked at the quokka "dare" "alright then I dare you to make out me" "challenge accepted!" the two of them disappeared into the other room to get some privacy, "so, that happened" bang chan said quickly brushing it off, some awkward silence between every one for a few minutes "should we wait for them-" Felix was cut off by han and minho exiting the room both of there faces redder then strawberrys "how the fuck did you two manage to give eachother hickeys, you were gone for less then 5 minutes" seungmin remarked minho glared at him "well you see seungminnie when a man and another man love eachother very much-" "nope, stop don't say anything else I don't need to have the talk again thank you"

Everyone laughed as han and minho sat back down, "okayy now, y/n" you perked your head up when you heard your name "truth or dare!" jeongin demanded in a sort of wizard voice "um, im just gonna go with truth" you responed

"y/n, what is something about you that you wouldn't want most people to know?"

Your heart sank at the question and all you could feel was panic, you knew that were supportive of the lgbtq+ community but you wondered if this was the best place to tell them, you couldn't lie and say something else because they basically know everything about you, expect one thing,

"you okay?" Han questioned you becoming more worried along with the other members, "yeah im fine, im still thinking" hyunjin took this as a sign that you might not be okay, he holds your hand to let you know that he's listening and he'll be there for you, you take a second to look at hyunjin and his lips curve into a small smile, and you smile back, becoming less stressed as you take a deep breath,

"Im sorry I didn't tell any of you years ago, but now I think im ready..." you look up to the rest of them their eyes filled with love and understanding,

"im transgender"

You couldn't help but laugh because of how nervous you were, but you were feeling so happy that you didn't have to worry about their thoughts about trans people because you knew that they would always support you and not Pressure you into coming out to them,

"we still love you y/nnie, its okay!" Felix hugged you tightly you hugging back equally tight "im glad you told us y/n, thank you for trusting us" bang chan got up to rub your back being the father of the group, a wave of euphoria rushes over you feeling like you could do anything and everything now that that weight has been lifted from your chest (literally), "that doesn't make you any less of a man to me, you're still the best workout partner I have" chanbin stated sounding like he'll punch anyone that says otherwise,

"maybe we should do something else now, any ideas?" jeongin asked looking at the others "how about some popcorn and movies" everyone agreed in unison to seungmin's request "alright then me and jeongin will get started on the popcorn and you guys can queue the movie" bang chan and jeongin got up and headed to the kitchen while every one else was getting comfortable on the sofa's,

hyunjin sat next to you as the movie played, then he got close up to your ear "im glad you told us y/n, we're proud of you" he whispered pressing a light kiss under your eye turning back to watch the movie while you felt your face heat up.

the next couple of months would by just as normal with the promotions, comebacks, etc, expect your feelings for hyunjin would grow more and more intense just by looking at him no matter what he was doing, he always seemed to capture your heart with ease just by laughing or looking into his eyes, he was just so captivating by everything he did he could just be breathing and you would still think he's beautiful,

'he couldn't love me back' you'd think 'i don't even know if he likes guys' your intrusive thought would sting at your heartstrings, but it was true you didn't know what his preferences were and even if you did would he love you back?.

during your break in between promotions you hung out with han, jeongin and hyunjin relaxing on the sofa and chatting with the three of them, when the conversation suddenly went to dating "y/n hyung are you interested in anyone?" jeongin wondered "no, not really" "hmm what about hyunjin hyung?" you all looked at hyunjin who was busy looking on his phone "I mean...yes?" han and the maknae both gasped in unison but your anxiety was slowly kicking in as you realized what's about to unfold, "spill the tea" han egged hyunjin on as his took a drink of his water like it was wine, "well I haven't seen her since high school but I just can't stop thinking about her" every fear in your body grow more with every word hyunjin said, "well what's her name???" jeongin questioned focusing his whole being on hyunjin,

"d/n"

your ears started to ring when you heard that name, you wanted everything to stop and just go dark, anything to rid you of this feeling that felt like your heart was gonna stop, "tell us more about her" "well she was really talented with instruments and could easily just pick something up and start playing, boy she was amazing" hyunjin said in a dreamy voice holding his face in his hands "wow she sure sounds great, what do you think y/n?" jeongin cocked his head in your direction his eyes filled with excitement, "she kinda sounds like a bitch" you muttered feeling anger begin to take over you, you just couldn't stand it when people praised you before you transitioned saying that you were 'such a talented young girl' and that you 'looked so much better back then',

"why are you saying that y/n!?" han's expression changing to shock at your words "yeah don't be so salty" jeongin said teasingly trying to lighten up the conversation "just because she's talented doesn't mean she's not a whore" you responed not even caring at this point, hyunjin's eyes turned dark not understanding why you're acting this way "why are you saying all of this y/n?, you don't even know her" hyunjin yelled standing up from his seat "oh no hyunjin i know her, 'good grades, loved by her friends and family, such a talented and sweet young girl with a bright future ahead of her'" you yelled back getting up from the sofa "what's your point!?" hyunjin scoffed getting increasingly more angry "but then one day someone found out one little thing about her that she couldn't change, then told everyone that she knew and then she lost everyone, her friends and her own family, all b-because..." you looked down as you felt giant tears begin to form in your eyes that threaten to fall as you were overwhelmed with sadness and self hatred, "because what?" hyunjin questioned still angry but becoming more worried by the sound of his voice, you try to wipe your tears away before looking back up at hyunjin,

"all because she didn't want to be a girl"

you fell back onto the sofa crying as jeongin patting your back trying his best to comfort you "i always looked at you and thought 'one day im gonna be like hyunjin and finally be seen as a boy', you've made me feel better about myself at times when I thought about hurting myself, I look up to you because to me I think everything about you is beautiful and I want to follow in your footsteps" hyunjin sits next to you crying as he puts his hands on your face "i-im so sorry y/n, im such an asshole" he sobbed looking down away from your eyes, the other two members silently leave to give you two some space and work things out, "your not an asshole, im sorry I didn't tell you I was so afraid of what you might say that I just stuffed down all my feelings for you" you responed lifting hyunjin's head up as you wipe away all the tears on his face "how do you feel about me?" hyunjin looked into your eyes as you pause for a second to think about your words "I love you hyunjin, more then you could ever imagine" you hug hyunjin so tight that you could feel his heartbeat against your chest as you buried your face in his shoulder, hyunjin picks your face up from his shoulder in order to face you, both of your lips almost connecting with eachother's

"I love you too y/n" he whispers pushing his lips up to yours

as you two pull away from his lips you embrace him again as he wraps his arms around your waist.

that night you decided to spend the night with hyunjin, you and him were in his room talking with one another while cuddling in his bed "i never knew how much you looked up to me" he said sounding like he was getting pretty tired "well you're a beautiful person so how could I not" you yawned "you keep saying im beautiful, what's up with that?" hyunjin questioned while looking up at you "well like I said before everything about you is beautiful, meaning not just your looks but also you as person" you responed planting a smell peck on his forehead "ahh now I get it" he shyed feeling kinda dumb for not getting it before "we should get some sleep now im tired" you yawned all of your energy drained from your little heart to heart argument with hyunjin "alright goodnight baby I love you" "i love you too" you gave him a small kiss on his lips before he buried his face in your chest the two of you slowly falling asleep in the comfort of eachother's arms.

im sorry if this isn't good I tried to make it longer than my last fic but I hope you enjoyed it!

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2weebswrite · 1 year

Note

Hey, I wanted to ask if I could request a stray kids x oc, like idk if you want to write headcanons, short stories for each member, or pick olny one member, it really is up to you, my oc's name is Shiro and he is ftm trans and goes be he/they, and I would like to request something where Shiro is a kpop idol and part of stray kids, the member/s don't know that he is trans, and he doesn't want them to know because he is scared of how they would react, if they would accept him, since he is scared of them finding out he is basically binding 24/7, this affects his health a lot, and one day they find out, all in all just a little bit of angst, much comfort and fluff, thank you and have a nice day/night :)

Stray Kids x FTM Reader

Part 1

TW: Body dysmorphia, mentions of eating disorders (but no ed actually present), mentions of transphobia

A/N- Hi love, Crimson here. We don’t write for OCs, per say, but I am more than happy to fulfill your request with an x reader format that follows the same format you wanted- I hope you don’t mind. I also have to warn that even though I am a part of the LGBTQ+ community, I am not trans so I deeply apologize if I get anything wrong. If I do, please let me know as I’d love to fix it to represent you better! I also assumed you intended your request as platonic but please feel free to request romantic headcanons as well if that’s what you intended. I’m so sorry this has taken so long and I’ll do my very best to get out with the rest of the members asap. Have a lovely day! <3

Chan-

- Chan was definitely the first to notice something was up with you. After all, he’s your leader and incredibly attentive to you and your fellow members needs. He believes it to be his responsibility to ensure everyone’s wellbeing.

- He was worried, to say the least. He noticed how self conscious you were, how you never seemed comfortable in your skin. This fact, paired with your recent tiredness and lack of appetite made a lot of warning signals go off in his head.

- He started making little efforts- giving you extra food, offering snacks throughout the day…

- Chan is observative. He notices how you’ve been avoiding everyone recently. He’s worried, and for a good reason.

- The constant winces, the bags under your eyes, the weight you’ve slowly but surely been losing…

- Yeah, Chan is worried.

- He’s tried to subtly hint at you to come to him, he’s tried to be patient– but there’s only so much this man can take before he, against his better judgement, practically corners you to find out what’s wrong.

- He takes a calm and empathetic approach, but that doesn’t stop you from breaking down.

- Honestly, Chan is surprised. In between your begging for him to not tell JYP and your tears, he’s doing his best to calm you down. Making promises he’s not sure he can keep and overall just trying to soothe you.

- In the end, Chan keeps quiet about the debacle and even offers to help as much as possible- he’s very protective of his members- but he probably feels bad that you didn’t come to him sooner about it.

#crimson writes #stray kids #chan #bang chan #trans ftm #stray kids x reader #skz #skz x reader

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gaygodlywriting · 1 year

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Maddox’s Masterlist

requests: open (pls request im begging)

Key:

fluff: (f)

angst (a)

drabble (d)

full fic (ff)

headcannon (h)

reaction (r)

SKZ

Bangchan

«long days» (f) (d)

…

Lee Know

«not-so picasso» (ff) (a?) (f)

…

Changbin

coming soon..

…

Hyunjin

…

Han

«endless weeks» (ff) (a?) (f)

…

Felix

…

Seungmin

…

Jeongin

…

ot8

coming soon..

…

hyung line

…

maknae line

…

Xeed

Doha

…

Bao

…

Jaemin

…

ot3

…

Astro

Eun Woo

…

Moonbin

apologies. as of 4/19 i do not plan to write for moonbin. i can’t explain how fucking devastated i am atm. i currently would perfer to not write for him at this time, possibly in the future. again, i’m sorry. ilysm moonbin, rest in peace. you don’t understand how grateful i am to you, and how sorry i am.

San-Ha

…

Jinjin

…

ot5

…

8Turn

Myunho

…

Jaeyun

…

Minho

…

Kyungmin

…

Haemin

…

Yoonsung

…

ot6

coming soon..

…

(won’t write for Yungyu or Seungheon)

` i still love them though i just don’t feel comfy writing for minors

TXT

Soobin

…

Yeonjun

…

Taehyung

…

Beomgyu

…

Kai

…

ot5

…

Xikers

Minjae

…

Junmin

…

Sumin

…

Jinsik

…

Hyunwoo

…

ot5

…

(won’t write for Junghoon, Seeun, Yujun, Hunter, or Yechan)

` i still love them though i just don’t feel comfy writing for minors

«to be updated»

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atsukinakae · 2 years

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RULES ╰⁠(⁠⸝⁠⸝⁠⸝⁠´⁠꒳⁠`⁠⸝⁠⸝⁠⸝⁠)⁠╯.

Hi/Hello <3.

Let me introduce you myself,I'm Atsuki(is not my real name,but i'll love if you could call me that) and I'm a bisexual transmasc.

REQUESTS.

The anime i'll be writing stories about is "Haikyuu", "Miraculous Ladybug/mlb" and "Stray Kids/Skz"

I can do polyamory,soft,angst,death(or s*icide),sfw,nsfw,etc.

I'll be doing cis male reader and FTM/trans reader.

I can do male or female character x male reader.

I will not do any female reader,there are a lot of them.

PLEASE READ THIS.

If your pronoums are she/her,or if you are a women/girl please leave.

If you are a straight women that who only wants to read yaoi/BL please leave.I have found so many times this in male reader stories and it's really uncomfortable.

#haikyuu x trans reader #haikyuu x male reader #haikyuu x m!reader #mlb x male reader #stray kids x male reader #skz x male reader

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saturncodedstarlette · 1 year

Text

Horangi, stepping on the crunchy leaves : Why do you like walking in the forest?

Y/N, pinky intertwining with his : It gives me time to think…

Horangi : Then why did you ask me to come?

Y/N : My thoughts are much nicer when you’re here. (๑ᵔ⤙ᵔ๑)

#Cod #Call of duty #Call of duty x reader #Call of duty incorrect quotes #Cod Horangi #kim horangi hong jin #Cod Horangi x reader #Cod Horangi x male reader #Cod Horangi x fem reader #Cod Horangi x gn reader #Cod Horangi x trans reader #Cod Horangi x black reader #Kim Horangi Hong-Jin x reader #Call of duty x reader fluff #Original : dinosaurcouch #Original : Dinosandcomics #Kaomoji credit : Skz-garden #My 2023 works

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mazeinthemiroh · 2 years

Text

stray kids masterlist ~

ot8

sfw alphabet - bangchan, lee know, changbin, hyunjin, han, felix, seungmin, jeongin

boyfriend headcanons - bangchan, lee know, changbin, hyunjin, han, felix, seungmin, jeongin

- reactions

to their s/o having insomnia

to their s/o being very affectionate

to sharing a bed with their crush

to showering with their s/o for the first time

to their s/o being drunk and flirty

to s/o being drunk and flirty with women

to their s/o having a black belt (taekwondo)

to their s/o who hates physical touch (except with them)

to their competitive dancer s/o

when their s/o plays a tampon prank

when their s/o has a concussion

to their s/o being an idol

to their s/o sleeping naked

to their s/o being an ace in their idol group

with a stylist s/o

to their long distance s/o surprising them at their concert

to an s/o who puts effort into their interests

when their s/o invites them to meet their parents

to their s/o asking for fashion advice

to their s/o preparing a self-care day

with a producer s/o

to their crush complimenting their muscles

not taking advantage of their s/o when they are drunk

to someone not taking their s/o's allergies seriously

how skz comfort their s/o

when their s/o buys them a special present

getting protective over their s/o

taking a joke too far a making their s/o upset

their s/o deciding to sleep in the closet after an argument

to their s/o skipping meals

to their s/o cheering them up after a bad day

with an puppy-like s/o

coming across their s/o's drawings of them

to another idol hitting on their s/o

trying a period cramp simulator

to the other members accidentally confessing to their crush

with a 'black cat' s/o

when their best friend acts like a stay

finding their s/o walking around the apartment half-naked for the first time

seeing your curly hair for the first time

- scenarios

when they forget to pick you up

when their makeup-artist crush helps them

when their s/o does something romantic for them

when their trans s/o receives hate

when they accidentally leak their relationship with their s/o

how stray kids would fall for you

signs stray kids would show when they're in love (hyung line)

- headcanons

how skz would confess to their crush

how skz would act with their crush

skz sleeping with their s/o for the first time

skz with their main dancer idol! s/o

skz in highschool

skz as highschool sweethearts

skz with the 9th member

how skz would spoil their s/o

skz with a foreign s/o

skz as ex boyfriends

skz waiting for their plane

skz as academic rivals to lovers

skz when the 9th member shows their abs at a concert

skz with a shy s/o

- mtls

most to least likely to get into light-hearted arguments

bangchan

third impressions (x choreographer! reader) - 2.4k

breathe in. (drabble - actress! reader)

[9:23pm]

[12:01am] - birthday edition

lee know

cafe cuddles (one-shot) - 2k

[11:38pm]

[10:53pm]

struggles and snuggles (one-shot) - 1.1k

changbin

no works yet!

hyunjin

paralysis. (one-shot) - 1.1k

happier with you (one-shot w felix) - 1.3k

han

[11:24pm]

felix

happier with you (one-shot w hyunjin) - 1.3k

seungmin

[5:23pm]

jeongin

together, we watch the sun rise (one-shot) - 1k

[11:32pm]

#stray kids #skz #stray kids masterlist #skz masterlist #kpop #kpop masterlist #masterlist

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getyourdirtyhandsoffme · 6 months

Text

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ REQUEST

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ RULES

Before you guys request

anything, please read first

then request:

I will mostly (definitely) write only Male, Trans umbrella and Gender Neutral readers since there are so many female readers out there so we need more of the ones I want to write/read

^ I could probably do Female readers but it would most likely be turned into a gender neutral reader

I'm fine with any requests as long as it's appropriate and makes me comfortable to write it. Along with that, please be more descriptive since I'm slow and not sure how exactly you want it.

DNI (Do not interact) if you are interested/request any:

INCEST, VERY AGE DIFFERENCE/P*DOPHILE STUFF (ex: 15 yr old x 20 yr old)/ YANDERE (I'm just not interested in those stuff...), Z**PHILIA, R*PE, LITTLE SPACE (whatever you call that), etc (if I could think of any)

I can probably write smut but like at the same time I can't but I'll try. I don't want those weird BDSM kinks like: Piss or something

Please only request the ones I know like:

Got7, SKZ (main), One Piece, Black Clover, Etc

Please don't spam the same request, I can see it just chill before I block you.

That is probably all! Thank you for reading!

#about my blog #masterlist #anime #kpop #cartoons #fictional characters #gay #lgbtqplus #x reader #x gn reader #x male reader #x ftm reader #x nb reader #x mtf reader #request #blog rules #ftm reader #male reader

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rosewriteroyal · 10 months

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Intro and Guidelines:

Hi, I'm Aris

I'm 18

Writing for about 4 years

I'm a British Kpop stan

My ults consist of SKZ, KINGDOM and BTS

This account is mainly for KINGDOM fanfics due to the small amount of them

I may write for other groups give I stan or Ult them, if needed I'll post a stan list after

FULL MASTERLIST

‐----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Guidelines:

I won't write any triggering material

Will write Fluff, Angst and Smut

NSFW post will be Flagged with '🔞'

I will take requests, but Spam = Warning

3 strikes on Spam and your Blocked

Everything will be posted in GMT

SFW requests

• Any AU

• Any genre (Angst is my main)

•Any member pairing/ x readers

•Request ARE OPEN. I will notify when they Close

NSFW requests

• Any AU

•Any member pairings/ X Reader *Marked: AFAB/AMAB/ TRANS!

•Won't write Rape/NON-CON/Scat/Watersports/Torture/Incest/Zoophillia and beastiality/use of Armpits/Crucifixion (Unless a Cult AU is requested)/suffocation (Any form)

•REQUESTS ARE OPEN, WILL SAY WHEN CLOSED

Other than this, I'm here to have a good time and so is everyone so please be respectful, any hateful or disrespectful attitudes will be dealt with by Blocking and reporting

TAGLIST:

@minheeskitten (Zephyr :3)

#kingdom #kingdomgf #kingdomkpop #kpop #kingdomgfent

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sorikkung · 1 year

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what goes on in neverland. ⇝ ch. 6: aftercare, aftershocks, and the aftermath

word count: 8.9k

pairings: transmasc!reader x Everyone, everyone x everyone (its literally too convoluted for me to try type them out here anymore just see the masterlist for full pairings LOL)

genre: e2l, f2l, smut, fluff and lots of assorted shenanigans. hijinks, if you will

au: battle of the bands!au but make it gay and horny

warnings: nothing really? discussions of top surgery scars and gender identity?

a/n: noticed a lot of chan likers after the last chapter... yall gonna love this one :)

tags: @honeybyunnies @syunderful @absentcaryatid @mingirn (lmk if you want to be added/removed!)

prev | masterlist | next

Waking up in the bed of your biggest competitive rival is definitely, to say the least, sobering.

You’re not surprised to find the bed empty next to you, but you are more surprised to find yourself still there. Staying the night was never on the agenda, but neither was really submitting to him, so you suppose compromises were made. The memories flood you with the uncomfortable kind of heat now that the lustful haze has faded, and you are left with nothing but the searing humiliation at how easily you played into his hands.

Who really won there? You really thought you had him for a moment back there, pressed against the wall and shutting you up in the exact way you wanted him to. It was all going so damn well. He seemed so close to breaking then, you saw his subtle blush and the hitches in his breath, the way he leaned into your touch rather than away from it, the way he had to kiss you to shut you up because he knew you were right. He was enjoying you playing with him, he was excited at the prospect of you having a go at him, what fucking happened to all of that?

Was that an act? Letting you have your moment so it can be even more satisfying when he gets to shut it down? Did he find you cute then, too? Or was it that goddamn golden boy, did he want to seem nicer in front of him still? Did he not want poor little freckles to see him be mean?

Illuminated by only the dim coloured light atop Chan’s bed – a warm yellow-orange, now – you wince as you roll over and check the time. 1:47am, your phone says, which isn’t that long after you would’ve finished, considering the time when you arrived there already. God, he really did take his time with edging you – but before you could wonder where exactly he went, he comes back in with a bottle of something in hand and all his make-up washed off.

“Ah, you’re awake.”

“Were you about to do something to me while I was–?!“

“Shh,” he whispers, putting a finger to his lips, “You’ll wake up the rachas if you start yelling. They’re deep sleepers, but not that deep.”

He seems far too calm for someone who could have been caught doing something dastardly or nefarious, so your mouth falls shut, and he opens the bottle and pours some oil on his fingers. You notice the label on the bottle then, soothing massage oil – and after warming it up in his palms, he gestures for you to turn over.

“What?”

“Turn around. On your stomach if you want, but you can also stay sitting up.”

“Why?”

He snorts, nodding at your wrists. “You were bound for a long time. Are you not sore?”

When he says it out loud, you are no longer able to ignore the aching pain in your shoulders, wrists, and your back as well, from being stuck in such a position for so long. While you’re no stranger to aches and pains, whether it be for BDSM related reasons or pole dancing, it definitely doesn’t make sleep any easier, and probably what woke you up.

“Well, now that you mention it…”

“Come on then. Turn around.” His voice doesn’t carry any sternness, nor does it even hold much impatience, simply just having a task he plans on accomplishing and getting straight to the point. You comply.

His hands on you are gentle, but firm, pressing down at the tightness in your back with enough pressure to make you moan softly, but he doesn’t so much as make a snarky comment about it. He’s surprisingly silent as he works, focused on the task at hand, and you wouldn’t mind the change of pace if not for how hyperaware it makes you of every sound you make.

“It’s okay,” he murmurs softly, “you don’t need to hold back that much. The walls are thick enough.”

“It’s not the rachas I’m worried about,” you mutter, uncharacteristically self-conscious despite not even facing him, but you can’t deny his massage feels good. When his skilled ministrations slow down to a halt, you cast a glance at him over your shoulder.

He’s smiling at you.

“What, worried ‘bout little ol’ me?”

You whip back around with such ferocity your neck audibly cracks. “Asshole.”

He chuckles lightly, then gets back to massaging your shoulders, a little gentler this time. “I’m not big enough of an asshole to tease you during aftercare, tough guy. You can relax.”

Aftercare? It shouldn’t come as a surprise to you, having done similar acts of aftercare yourself and having received it more times than you can count, but something about receiving it from Chan of all people is puzzling. Last time you checked, you were having hate sex. Not that you hate him, really, that would be a pretty strong sentiment you currently only really hold for Felix by merit of him being Eric’s flaky ex-boyfriend, but you don’t exactly like him, either. Well, you like pissing him off, and you like competing with him, and you like getting reactions out of him, and maybe you like his artistry as well, but that’s about as far as it goes.

Oh, and you like his body, too, that’s a big one. The way his hands work the tension out of your shoulders is positively divine. Suppose he’s a pretty face, too. All up until he opens that big mouth of his.

“You say that, then you teasingly call me tough guy again. All men do is lie, huh?”

“Tch, you’re one to talk,” he scoffs, pressing harder with his massage, but not too hard, so it’s welcomed. “Besides, I wasn’t teasing. You’re tough.”

You wait for him to elaborate on that, but after a long moment of silence staring at the figurines on his headboard and the flickering triangular lights above it, you realise that was where his comment ended.

“…Thanks?”

“You’re welcome,” he hums simply, definitively, then shifts you on the bed to turn back around and face him again so he can take your wrists and begin massaging the oil into them too. He doesn’t even so much as spare your face a glance, but it’s not avoidant. It’s focused, and just a little bit tired, too, you realise, noticing the crease in his brow.

You frown. Something about the silence feels so damn intimate – even more so than the actions itself, which you suppose are just him going on automatic after dominating someone. After all, giving aftercare is often the aftercare in itself for dominants, too, so maybe he’s doing this for himself as well.

He pauses to look up at you. “Got something on my face?”

As intimate as the silence felt, getting caught staring is far, far worse.

“Yeah,” you snort, throwing up snark as a reflex, “Ugly.”

It’s a bit harsh, you think, and the way he cocks his head makes you think he’s disguising a wince, but he looks back down at your wrists as he continues to massage them anyway.

“You wouldn’t be in my bed right now if you really thought I was ugly.”

He’s right.

“You’re right,” you echo, not really wanting that to be the hill you die on anyway when you both know its not true. That isn’t a good look on you, either. “It was a joke. I don’t sleep with ugly guys.”

“I know.”

He wraps up and pulls away, and you find yourself missing his touch as soon as it leaves you. Which is odd, because once again, you don’t even particularly like him, nor were you even expecting aftercare, and he’s already doing more for you than you would’ve bothered doing for him.

Or that you did for Felix.

The silence stretches on, and that thought grows louder. Is that what this is? Considering how Lino obviously told Felix what you messaged him, you wouldn’t be surprised if Felix told everyone else about your night at the Prism in excruciating detail, too. Based on how Chan acted with you tonight, it seemed far too deliberate for that to not have been the case. The look he gave Eric while kissing up on your neck? Hell, he had to have seen that. That’s right, he was there, he must have seen it and–

“Feeling a bit better? Want me to massage anywhere some more?”

His face is as open as you’ve ever seen it, expecting to hear a genuine response. There’s no more attitude, no more competition, no more sexual tension – despite the fact that you’re both still half naked, you in only the unbuttoned shirt you didn’t take off before he bound your wrists, and him still gloriously shirtless, just sitting in his underwear. He looks a lot less intimidating without his make-up on anymore, either, the softness of his features really bleeding through, and without such a cocky expression either, he looks like a whole different person.

The lingering soreness is more of the pleasant kind, now that he’s worked his magic, but you nod anyway. Just so you don’t have to look at him again. You shift back around. “My back’s still pretty sore, actually.”

You feel the bed shift behind you as he shuffles onto his knees, and presses a hand between your shoulder blades to push you down, and you lie onto your stomach without a word.

“Does that hurt?”

“What?” He already lifted his hand, he can’t possibly think he shoved you too hard. Is your back supposed to hurt while lying on your stomach after being bound like that? “Um, yeah. Kinda.”

“Your scar, I mean,” he says plainly, blinking at you dumbly when you peer over your shoulder again to look at him. “I mean I know it’s healed, at least, it looks healed enough, but still, pressure on such a large wound…”

“Oh, that- that’s fine,” you reassure him, plopping your head back down on the mattress and letting your eyes fall shut. “Bed’s soft. Didn’t even think about it.”

“Alright.” He throws a leg over you to straddle your hips, this time massaging your lower back as well, and while you asked him to continue mostly just because it felt nice, you now realise how much tension you had down there, too. “Can I ask how you got it?”

“My scar?”

“Yeah. I mean, I know what top surgery scars look like, but that looks a bit more violent. Makes me wonder if it was something else.”

“Ah.” You fall quiet, not really sure what to say. That you asked for it to be that way? Doesn’t really sound all that impressive when you put it like that. He’d probably ask why, too, and you aren’t sure how you would explain that to him, either.

“You don’t have to tell me,” he says, stopping only to crack his knuckles and pour more massage oil onto his palms before resuming the massage, “Was just curious.”

“You said it was pretty,” you breathe out, not daring to open your eyes and look at him. “Guess you’re not bad at dirty talk, huh. Suppose it is pretty violent looking in reality. I like it that way, though.”

He pauses – his words, not his hands – for a short beat before responding. “Pretty and violent aren’t mutually exclusive, you know. There can be beauty in violence, sometimes.”

“Yeah?” you huff. “Sounds like something a pretty violent person would say.”

He presses down extra hard on your shoulder and you grunt, knowing it was entirely on purpose. “Says you, tough guy. You’re a little menace.”

“Who you calling little? First freckles, now you – you guys sure do like pulling the height card for a bunch of garden gnomes. Glad to have someone shorter than you for a change? Congrats, he’s not even a cis man.”

“What do you identify as, by the way? Do you consider yourself a man, or...?” Chan asks genuinely, once again dodging your attempts at provocation. He’s getting quite good at this, and that bothers you, because provoking him was the entire fun of him, but you suppose now is too nice of a moment to really push it.

“Man enough. Man sometimes. On Tuesdays, maybe. On Wednesdays I’m just a gendery enigma.”

He chuckles. “What about Thursdays?”

“Hmm. Guy, but in the same way you call an animal friend you find on the street a little guy, y’know? Just a dude.”

His signature giggles are back, and you find yourself smiling and cracking your eyes back open before you even realise it, hazy. You can’t remember the last time you felt this relaxed since the whole competition started.

“And on Fridays?”

You yawn loudly, letting your eyes flutter shut again as sleep threatens to tug away at you once again, but you know you won’t fall properly asleep while he’s still touching you. “Gender on Fridays… that’s between me and God.”

He laughs properly at that, catching himself quickly and keeping it quiet as to not disturb his roommates, but you feel an oddly swelling sense of pride at being able to make him laugh like that. Maybe he won this game of wits you played in bed, but he can’t deny you’re at least funny.

“Alright, I’m getting tired,” he yawns as well, rolling off you and flopping back onto the bed next to you. It’s only then when you notice the bright red lines adorning his back, and gasp at the sight.

“Holy shit, Chan, your back.”

“Yeah?” He looks over his shoulder at you with a simultaneously sheepish and smug grin. “Suppose you didn’t get a good view before, huh?”

“No, I’m not— okay, I am appreciating the view, but dude, I basically mauled your back, does that not sting?”

He wrinkles his nose, twisting his torso this way and that experimentally. “A bit. It’s not bad, though.”

After he took care of you so gently, you find yourself wanting to take care of him at least just a little – just to even the playing field, so he can’t chastise you for not knowing safe kink practices, or otherwise flip it on you somehow. At least, that’s what you tell yourself when you get up and ask him if he has any ointment for it.

“Ointment?”

“Yeah, like an antibiotic cream, or something. I broke skin, Chan. There’s a bit of blood. The least you should do is get it cleaned so it doesn’t get infected, especially if you’re gonna sleep without a shirt.”

He yawns again, stretching out and then wincing slightly, no doubt at the fresh scars adorning his back now. “Get it cleaned, huh? I don’t suppose you’ll do it for me?”

You bite at the inside of your cheek. “Is this a test?”

“A test? No, it’s a question. Do I have to get up and do it myself or can I stay here?”

“...Where’s the ointment? Or should I just use water?”

“Bathroom’s around the left corner, in the cabinet behind the mirror.”

It’s exactly where he said it was, so you return with a damp cloth and ointment in hand, and seat yourself behind him on the bed. This is certainly not your first time tending to your own scratch marks – or claw marks, as Kevin likes to call them, joking that the band are your scratching posts – so you fall into the process rather quickly. A gentle wipe-down before applying the cream, that’s all it is, you could do it in your sleep.

Your heart is beating out of your chest like it’s about to erupt.

You know why. It’s not a Chan thing, you know that for sure – it’s the same when taking care of your bandmates, too, as there is something so sacred about the whole process that’s almost tender. It’s the vulnerability of it all, and you’ve since gotten more adjusted to it with the others, but without any trust built between you and Chan, it feels significantly more potent than usual. Risky, almost.

Maybe it is a Chan thing.

Silence drags on and neither you nor Chan do anything about it. Out of tiredness, probably. You wouldn’t call it entirely comfortable silence, though; for some reason, tending to him feels even more vulnerable than him giving you the massage. You suppose you can’t really keep pretending like you hate him while you’re treating the wounds on his back that you inflicted, and you’re not sure what this means, anymore. You don’t know what any of this means, or how you’re supposed to be feeling about this.

“There,” you finish, closing the cap on the cream shut. “All done.”

“Thanks,” he mumbles, shifting around on the bed to get a better look at you, and you find yourself unable to hold his gaze. He shrugs and simply flops down onto the bed. “’Think I’m gonna go sleep now… oh wait, did you want like, undies or something–“

You snort. Undies. “You’re not kicking me out?”

He tilts his head up just enough to drowsily stare at you in confusion. “No? Not when you look like you’re about to melt right into my mattress. But hey, if you wanna uber home or something, go for it. I’m not keeping you here.”

He rolls over, slipping under the blankets and curling himself around a large pillow. Cute, you think. He looks even smaller like this. You wonder how you must look for him to make such a comment, how much of the number he did on you is visible, but you know you won’t get any sleep tonight if you stop to check in the mirror now.

“Yeah, I’ll take you up on the undies.”

“Aight.” He yawns again, stretches, clearly falling asleep already as he grabs you a spare pair of boxer briefs and tosses them at you as he slides back into bed. Once your shirt is on the floor and you are under the blankets with him, you find yourself subconsciously gravitating towards his side of the bed for warmth, to which he responds by turning over and draping himself over you instead of the pillow. It reminds you so much of sleeping with Sunwoo, Eric or Mingi that you find yourself lulled right back to sleep at a record speed.

If waking up in the bed of your rival was sobering, waking up in the arms of your rival is like a bucket of cold water to the face.

What is worse is that it takes you far too long to realise it, at first. Sleeping with strong arms around you is your norm, so you don’t really question it as your sleep-fogged brain slowly starts turning its gears, and you practically jolt when you pull your head back and realise you’re snuggled up to the one and only Bang Chan and pointedly not one of your bandmates.

“You’re not Sunwoo,” you blubber out, sliding away from him on the bed, and Chan just drearily groans and rolls over, pulling your half of the blanket with him.

“No. M’not.”

He stays still there, so you suppose this is your cue to get out, make your walk of shame, et cetera. Not that it was ever really a shameful walk for you, it being more like a walk in pride at the accomplishment of the notches in your belt, but Chan being who he is and his roommates being who they are make you finally understand why they called it the walk of shame in the first place.

“Where y’goin?” he mumbles, peeking out at you over his blanket as you start picking your clothes back up and getting dressed – still in his underwear with yours discarded on the floor somewhere, but at this point you consider leaving it behind as a prize, just so you can get out of there quicker.

“Where do you think? Home. Unless you’re up for round two? I’m warning you, I won’t go easy on you this time.”

Chan laughs out loud, wide and bright and fucking humiliating. You threatened him and he’s laughing at you. You scramble to get your things quicker. You need to leave, and you need to leave now, before you can dig your own grave even deeper.

“Have brekkie before you leave, at least!”

You pause to gawk at him, curly hair now free from its chemical restraints and sticking out in every which direction, his softer face illuminated by the morning sun. Who is this man?

“Breakfast? Seriously?”

He stares back at you like you are the one out of your mind.

“Yes? Do you not usually have breakfast? It’s the most important meal of the day, you know.”

“I pissed you off, tossed you around, let you bring me home and fuck my brains out, and now you’re making me breakfast? Chan, do you like me or something?” you guffaw, the only reasonable conclusion you can come up with using the limited brainpower you have access to before noon. Seriously, who the fuck does mornings these days? It was either that, or he’s trying to kill you with kindness and make you feel bad. Ha. Like he could ever.

Chan furrows his brow, recoiling in mild disgust and confusion. “No? God, is that what you think? I’m literally just being a good host. You stayed the night, I had my way with you, now I take care of you. It’s not rocket science, y’know.”

It’s not rocket science, he says, but trying to make sense of him is looking more and more like a complicated algebra equation you failed in math before dropping out. Why does he feel the need to take care of you? You’re not his responsibility. He doesn’t owe you anything. You were mean to him on purpose and he knows it, so he might as well have tossed you out on the curb as soon as he got off. Maybe called you an Uber if he wanted to be a gentleman. But this?

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why? I just said why! Have you never had someone be nice to you before, or something?”

“Wh– of course I’ve had people be nice to me before, I’m not that pathetic,” you scoff, folding your arms. “Just not after I’ve gone out of my way to aggravate them on purpose.”

Chan just snorts. “Maybe you should stop aggravating me on purpose, then.”

“So that’s what this is!” The final piece of the puzzle clicks into place, and you stare him down intently – or maybe that’s just the morning glare in your eyes. “You’re trying to kill me with kindness, aren’t you? Think being a good host will make me go easy on you? Smart, but I have less of a conscience than you seem to think I do–“

“God, a man can dream, I guess! No,” he sighs your name in the most exasperated tone you’ve ever heard from him, “this isn’t some evil plan to take you down as a competitor, I’m literally just being nice. Because I like being nice to people. Is that really so hard to believe?”

“You don’t have a reason to be nice to me. I sure as hell ain’t nice to you! Every time I think you’ve grown some backbone you–“

“Oh please, that is not what you were saying last night,” he interrupts, finally starting to lose his cool. Good. You hate fighting him when he’s so clear-headed. “You wanna be so tough and scary so bad, but you insisted on cleaning my wounds before bed–“

“Oh my god, you are in love with me, aren’t you?”

Whether you actually think Chan harbours any sort of romantic feelings for you leans heavy towards no, but the accusation is one you can think of very few people who wouldn’t get a rise out of. Not to mention how funny it is to see them flounder to prove themselves just for you to twist everything they say against them.

“In love with you? Are you seriously that self-obsessed? No, no– I’m not falling for that, you know I’m already–“ he cuts himself off this time, realising the hole he just dug, but it’s too late.

“So you are in love with Felix, you admit it!” you cackle victoriously, clapping like a seal. “You’re right, we already knew, but I sure wonder if Felix does. What was his Instagram tag again? Lix something?”

“Sure, go ahead and tell him, like he’d believe you,” Chan huffs, “You’re not subtle either, tough guy! ‘You’re not Sunwoo!’ Hm, I wonder why you’re thinking about waking up in his arms.”

“We sleep together, genius,” you deadpan, rolling your eyes, “the entire band, we all sleep together, I did not think any of us were subtle about that.”

“I know that, but why is it Sunwoo’s name specifically you think of first thing in the morning, huh?”

Fuck. Why is it Sunwoo? As soon as you ask yourself that, your recent conversations flash through your mind, and you sure as hell are not about to let Chan of all people know about that.

“Because your arms felt like his, it’s not that deep!”

“I don’t mean this in a body-shaming way, but his arms are like half the size of mine. I’m not exactly convinced.”

“Then don’t be! I have nothing to prove to you.”

“You really don’t! So why do you keep acting like you do have something to prove to me every time we meet?”

His words slice through you like a hot knife through butter, and it takes a second too long to come up with a response. He’s right. You fucking hate when he’s right, and you would sooner edit a Wikipedia article to win an argument against someone when you’re in the wrong than admit it to him.

He sighs. “I don’t get why you have such a raging hate boner towards us. I know Eric has beef with Felix and we’re neck and neck in the Battle of the Bands, and you get your kicks out of provoking people, but you seem to think that I – or the other guys too, for that matter – would act against you if you slipped up enough to give us a chance to. But we’re not like that.”

We’re not like you, is the unspoken message there, but you hear it loud and clear. “Why wouldn’t you? Felix still has something to prove, that much I can tell for certain. Lino was quick to spill my secrets as soon as he had them. Hell, Changbin threw me over a table for something entirely consensual and even went as far as to slut-shame all of us. Like, riddled with diseases? Really? You’re no better than we are just because we actually own up to being assholes, you just lack the self awareness.”

Chan tilts a brow up at you, then it furrows into a puzzled expression. “This is what I mean about you bringing out the worst in people. Lino went for it because he knew you’d definitely do the same, and Changbin... he doesn’t start fights as often as you’d think he does based off of your experiences with him. They’re usually justified. Though I will admit the slut-shaming wasn’t, he was just trying to get some sort of edge over you since he didn’t know you knew about Hyunjin’s career. He’s actually done sex work in the past too, got his fair share of STI’s, it’s not an insult that comes from a place of actual prejudice.”

“Oh, so its all blatant hypocrisy then! Wow, that’s sooo much better, you guys are such morally-correct heroes.”

He rolls his eyes so hard you think he got a glimpse of his brain, then pinches the bridge of his nose in barely concealed frustration. “Okay, yes, sure, he’s a hypocrite! I’ll admit to that! But you’ve had something to prove since before any of that happened, so I’m just wondering why exactly you expected us – why you expected me – to be some sort of villain from the get-go! Why do you want me to be the bad guy so bad when I’m just trying to be nice to you and make you some goddamn breakfast?!”

You see he has reached his wits end, and it’s no longer a noble attempt to defend his team but a cry for help to save himself. You knew your verbal spars had more behind them than he tries to act, but now he can’t pretend like he’s their infallible shield anymore. Nor can he pretend his little posse are all virtuous saints. In a way, you finally won, you made him crack.

So why does it feel so much like losing?

“Because I just don’t get why you don’t,” you confess in an aggravated sigh, “Other people would! I’d argue that you should, given it all! It feels— it feels wrong to have you just, clean me up and make me breakfast when we’re not even friends! We don’t even like each other! Like, this goes above and beyond even for just a Tinder hookup!”

Chan barks out a dry laugh. “It’s like you really can’t comprehend the concept of someone being nice to you. Have you never had someone properly take care of you before?”

“I have! My band take care of me better than I could even ask for. But that’s the difference, they’re mine. They’re my band, I mean, we have a bond even deeper than family, we take care of each other because we love each other. What reason do you have to take care of me of all people? I haven’t given you a single reason to and yet, you do anyway.”

“You think people need a hard-earned reason to be nice to you?” Chan remarks back at you, and it shocks something deep inside you with an ice-cold chill. Yes? Maybe? That would sound stupid if you say it out loud. Would it? It makes so much sense to you, though. People can be nice without reason sometimes, but not to people who don’t deserve it.

Not to people like you.

“I... I’m not saying people can only be nice to people once they’ve done something to earn it, I just mean that people aren’t usually nice to people who have given them a reason – or in my case, multiple reasons – not to be. If someone hurts the people I love, I’m not making them breakfast, I’m kicking them to the curb when I’m done.”

“I know,” Chan deadpans, no doubt thinking about Felix too. “That’s where we differ then, I guess. I don’t filter who I’m nice to based off of some invisible tally of who deserves it or who doesn’t. I choose to be kind because it’s how I want to be, not because it’s what someone does or doesn’t deserve. I’d like to say that all people deserve kindness, but even I cave and deliberately deny people of that sometimes. I’m only human, yeah? We all are. Even you. So I’m not sure why you’ve convinced yourself you’re so unworthy of my kindness that you lash out at me for it. Have you been wronged that much?”

He says it so casually and gets up to wash his face in the connected bathroom like he didn’t just cover you in paper cuts then drop you in a pool of lemonade and salt. Have you been wronged that much? Hell, have you been wronged by that many? You think back to your family, then your former friends, their friends, your peers. You think about your band, all runaways or renegades from similar surroundings, and the safety you found in them being like-minded individuals. How you all met because you were all so scorned taking the road not taken, so driven yet so lost.

Society has a way of chewing you up and spitting you back out into more pieces than you started off in, then expecting you to pick them up and glue them back together yourself, as if you are the one who did it. That’s just how life is; there is no childhood without hardship, no adult without trauma, despite the best efforts of many and the lack of effort of many more. Everyone has their own demons to fight, all while fighting for their lives in the blender that is late-stage capitalism and man-made prejudice.

You know all this. Yet when Chan asks, ‘Have you been wronged that much?’ Part of you thinks that all of that is bullshit and somehow you and your band have ended up being through hell and back for no other damn reason than drawing the short straw in the hand dealt to the rest of the world.

“I don’t... I...”

You struggle to find words for the emotions you are feeling – rage, grief, sadness, bitterness, envy, but there’s something else in the muddled pit of them all that doesn’t quite fit with the others. Hope, maybe? That’s a dangerous emotion, but that’s rarely stopped you before. You wouldn’t be where you are today without it. Fear? Closer, but what for? Relief? At what?

Chan walks back out of the bathroom with a hand towel around his neck, then right past you towards the kitchen.

“Come on. I’m making pancakes.”

Feeling like you don’t have much of a choice not to – or a reason not to, for that matter – you follow him, plopping yourself wordlessly down on a stool on the outer side of the counter.

He doesn’t say more as he takes out the ingredients and gets to work, a simple recipe but nonetheless homemade compared to the pre-made pancake mixes you use back home. You take the chance to observe your surroundings, spacious yet rather cluttered with the various belongings of the multiple men in the household, and that is when you remember you two are not the only occupants currently home.

“Are the others still asleep?” you ask, and he just shrugs while pouring batter onto a fry pan.

“Probably. We’re not usually up before noon, but I’ll make some for them to have for lunch.”

“Did I wake you, then?”

“Yeah. But it’s fine. I got more sleep last night than usual, honestly.”

It will never not be jarring to you, the difference in the kind of conversations you have with Chan. You’re either arguing with blades drawn, or you’re laid completely bare with nothing but an emergency razor blade hidden under a band-aid on you, conversing like you actually know each other. Like there’s any sort of closeness or trust between you. You don’t know if that is just because you’re more used to fighting him than not, or because something about Chan with his guard down makes you feel even more exposed than ever, or if it’s the things he’s done and said in the past twelve or so hours that changed the air between you. There’s discomfort in how comfortable it is, a juxtaposition you have no idea how you got to.

“Don’t get much sleep, huh?”

He nods, scarred back still facing you as he cooks. “Not usually. I tend to stay up late until I’m exhausted enough to maybe catch some sleep when I finally go to bed, then try to sleep on and off until it gets too hot at noon and I just give up. Well, not all the time, I do get uninterrupted sleep some nights, but the staying up super late and getting up late is pretty consistent. So yesterday I went to bed kinda early.”

“2am kinda early, huh?” you snort, and he chuckles.

“Yeah. Earlier than five, at least.”

The relatively comfortable silence from last night returns, and you find you don’t hate it as much this time. It’s still rather foreign, but not as deeply unsettling as it was before, so you are content to just take in the view of his half-naked form cooking a gigantic stack of pancakes until he finally plates and serves.

“Eat up, then.”

You do.

You have been dreading returning home since the moment Eric threw his little fit last night, so you are already bracing yourself for metaphorical impact – the impact being rancid vibes more than anything else – from the very moment you open the front door to your apartment.

What you find instead, is a messy-haired Han with the buttons on his shirt done up one buttonhole too low, skewing the whole symmetry of the shirt sideways. If the bruises on his jaw and neck are any indicator, you’d guess this is Sunwoo, Wooyoung, or maybe San’s handiwork, but given that it’s your apartment he’s coming out of, you put your money on Sunwoo.

“Damn. You too huh—”

“I was just leaving!” he blurts out, shoving past you and speed-walking away while still putting on his layered jackets, and you snort and close the door behind you.

“Let me guess, that was the work of one man starting with a ‘Sun’ and ending with a ‘woo.’”

“You know it!”

He calls back at you from the kitchen, and you realise the mop of dark hair you spotted on the couch is not him and his permed curls, but simply Wooyoung’s atrocious bed hair. Or maybe sex hair. Could be either or, with him. Walking into better view, you notice the whole band is here already, seemingly waiting for you with Eric standing between the two couches expectantly.

“Ah good, you’re finally here!”

He sounds less than thrilled, and the rest of the band don’t seem all that excited either, barring Sunwoo’s aura of smugness at having his plaything leave moments prior. The tension in the room is palpable, like mugginess on a humid day, except the windows are wide open and the constant drone of the fan on in the background makes the would-be silence even louder somehow.

“Oh boy,” you groan, “if you’re going to grill us all on sleeping with the enemy, frankly I do not want to hear it.”

“You think I wanted to hear Jisung screaming out Sunwoo’s name repeatedly last night and calling him oppa?” Eric guffaws, as if that’s somehow your fault. You take a quick glance at the man in question, who only looks even more proud of himself, so you snicker at him.

“Wow, nice.”

“No, not nice, what the fuck you guys! Is there anyone here who didn’t fuck a stray kid last night?!”

“Huh?”

You look around the room at the others, only thinking you and Sunwoo did, but the only one who cautiously raises his hand is Kevin. You figure Wooyoung and Mingi probably got Changbin to crack with the added influence of Lino, but your eyes widen at San.

“Whaaat? That Hyunjin kid was testing my patience. Though I can’t say I wasn’t curious after his stream—”

“Seriously guys, did everything they said just evade you? They dissed our music, our message, Wooyoung and I’s dancing, our sex lives— and you’re going on and fucking them instead of fucking them over? What the fuck you guys!”

Wooyoung just shrugged. “I sure fucked him over his boyfriend, I think he appreciated the view—”

“You’re not even taking me seriously at all!” Eric roars, eyes flaring, but he’s right. You aren’t. You don’t think anyone else in the room even is.

“It’s hard to take you seriously when you’re trying to come at us for who we choose to sleep with. Like, I thought we agreed that what we do with other people is none of each other’s business, and it’s extra hypocritical when you were the first to do so this time. Last year we literally fucked a homophobe from the rival band to humiliate him and now you’re drawing the line? Just say you’re upset about Felix still and be done with it,” you tell him with scalding bluntness, and you can see the hurt visible all over his face. It does make you feel partly guilty, but you meant every word you said. Suppose you didn’t hear everything the others said once you were preoccupied with Felix and Chan, but you don’t think it would have changed your path of action regardless.

“Fine then,” Eric hisses, bitter and thoroughly done. “Fine! Fuck them all if you want, have one big fat orgy in our living room for all I care, but don’t expect to touch my ass once you’re done with them. Kevin, you’re the only one left with hole privileges.”

Kevin wrinkles his nose and raises a brow, puzzled. “But I’m a bottom?”

“Good! Then don’t use them! An extra fuck you to the rest of them!”

He storms off after that, slamming the door to his room behind him, and you all take a collective sigh at his little temper tantrum. They aren’t anything new, but he usually isn’t this unreasonable, but you all know why. Felix. It always comes back down to Felix, the first love who broke his heart into so many pieces he is still trying to glue them back together. You feel sorry for what he is going through, you really do, but that doesn’t mean you are going to let him walk all over you and lash out like that.

“So. Movie night?” San suggests to break the tension, and the others are quick to nod and mutter in agreement.

“Definitely not here, though,” you pitch in, Eric’s loud trap music blasting from his speakers through the closed door, right on cue. “Let’s give him some space to cool down.”

“I’ll stay here,” Sunwoo suggests, “Just in case he needs to talk it out while we’re still gone.”

“Let me,” you offer, “I’m not huge on movies anyway—”

“Respectfully, I think he’d rather talk to anyone but you,” Kevin interrupts with an apologetic frown. “You did kind of fuck around with his ex without him. I don’t think he wants to confront how jealous that made him. He still misses him so much.”

“I know,” you sigh, sinking down into the couch, wedged between him and Mingi. At this point you have already accepted movie night is not going to happen until you have talked this all out with the others. “I think it’s more than that, though. When I was talking to him about it while training him on pole, he said the rest of the kids made him jealous, too. Because those are all effectively, and I’m paraphrasing this bluntly, mind you, but they’re basically his replacements. His and the rest of their dance crew that he left. He wanted me to fuck Felix with him to prove that he too had moved on and met cooler, hotter and more talented friends to make music with, so he could feel in control again. But I think it backfired on him as soon as they started winning and rubbing it in our faces. At least, based on his outburst just then, that’s my guess. Still needa ask him directly, preferably once he’s let off some steam.”

Mingi plays with your hand as you talk, his large ones easily encasing yours and tracing patterns along your skin. “Sounds about right. Maybe we should stop sleeping around with them, then. It’s not like we’d have much of a dry spell without them, as hot as it is I don’t know if it’s worth making Eric upset.”

“That’s treating the symptoms, not the root of the problem,” you point out, noticing the way he stays fixated on your hand, not looking at you, but more so, not looking at Wooyoung. “That’s the thing I don’t get about monogamy. People will go to such lengths to make sure their partners don’t get jealous, instead of trying to unpack why they feel so bad about seeing someone else with them. Like, clearly he has a lot of insecurity about being replaced, or other people being better than him. I get that. So we just need to show him how much we value him, and how irreplaceable he is to us. How fucking with other guys doesn’t change that.”

That seems to stir something within Mingi, gears turning in his head visible on his face. You hope that it’s the realization you think it is, because while Mingi has never been the overly jealous type like Eric is, you know from many late nights drinking hot chocolate on his shoddy balcony that his insecurities are just as loud and all-consuming sometimes. You haven’t had the chance to properly check in on him since his fight with Wooyoung in front of you, but you hope he can read between the lines nonetheless.

“Huh. And how do we do that?”

“We put him in control again,” you say decidedly, nodding. “A position of power, of some sort. Make him the star of our next stage, build it all around it. Let him run it, even. And of course, him permitting, suck his dick till he’s shooting blanks.”

A unanimous chuckle ripples through the room at the last part, knowing full well how the combined effort of the six of you could make that a very easy feat.

“He did call us here to talk about our next stage,” Wooyoung hums thoughtfully, “I think he wants to do another special stage like we do at those dance clubs, with you taking over drums and Sunwoo on bass so he and Mingi can dance with me, if I were to guess. He seemed particularly torn up about their comments on dance specifically, which makes sense given how that’s how Felix left him.”

“What did they even say about your dancing, anyway? I didn’t catch that, was too busy arguing with—”

“Sneaking off to suck Felix’s dick in a hallway, we know,” Wooyoung snorts, shifting himself into his usual seat, that being Mingi’s lap, and leaning against his chest. “They said I danced like my sex appeal could make up for a lack of talent. Which is whatever, honestly, I just used that to make Changbin admit he still found me hot and eventually lead to bringing him home – amazing ass, mind you, he wanted to top so bad and I damn near let him but—”

“Okay, okay, details later, what else did they say about us?” Knowing each other inside out means that the tendency to cut each other off is never taken too personally, given how much you all have the tendency to ramble. You’re grateful for it, because at times like this, you need to get straight to the point. “Did they insult Eric’s dancing too?”

Wooyoung grimaces, lips pursing into a line, and that is enough to confirm your suspicions. “...yeah. To be fair, Eric did bring it up first. He was taunting them about their dancing and how they should go compete in dance competitions instead like they used to in Force – but oh, that’s right! Felix left Force, and for this, and he implied it was because he knew that they’d never make it in an actual dance competition without Force. So they dragged him and the rest of Force through the mud, saying maybe the reason they disbanded as soon as Felix left was because they knew he carried the team and they were nothing without him. You can imagine how hard that would have hit.”

You poke your tongue at the inside of your cheek. Can’t exactly say their response was entirely uncalled for, then, but at the same time, Eric made a solid point. Why didn’t they just enter dance tournaments instead? You remember Eric going to compete in a whole ton of them between Force and Triple Z, the dance crews he was in with Felix and Wooyoung and Mingi respectively.

Force since disbanded with Felix’s departure since he acted as the glue that held the crew together, the other members closer with him than each other, while Triple Z still meets up sometimes, but a lot more casually than they used to now that most of them aren’t studying anymore, and have a lot less free time working to pay rent. Especially with the Battle of the Bands coming up, you don’t expect they will be doing anything big for a while now. At least that meant Eric finally stopped overworking himself between all his commitments.

You think about the week prior he spent learning a whole new medium of dance just to prove a point, and you quickly retract that thought.

“I think I know just what he needs,” you speak up, the puzzle clicking together in your head one piece at a time. “Not just what he needs, what this competition needs. An even match.”

“An even match?” San echoes, and you nod, noting the way he looks slightly disheartened, but you continue before he can think that the band isn’t a worthy competitor to the current reigning group.

“An even playing field, I mean. They’re doing something completely different to everyone else; that’s why they’re winning, because they can’t be compared to anyone else. We just need to give them something to compare to. Another dance group. Four of us are already some form of dancer, and the rest of you are fit and fast learners. If we spend the next week on the grind, we can make a dance performance out of one of the old tracks Kevin or Mingi produced for Force or Triple Z that never got used– and if we let Eric run this little boot camp, he hopefully will feel like he’s in control of the situation again and that we still value his opinions and role on the team.”

“So... your vote is basically plagiarism then,” Wooyoung snorts, crossing one leg over the other with a playful flourish, almost kicking you in the face in the process. “I’m interested. In fact, if we want to really boot camp this, we should all take the week off work. I think I can help cover the costs that may arise from that one.”

“No way!” San gasps, eyes quickly widening while the rest of you glance around at each other, not getting the memo. “Don’t tell me that sugar daddy you were talking to is actually legit...?”

“More than legit,” Wooyoung preens, evidently rather proud of himself. “I found out how to squeeze even more dough out of him. He loves seeing me in fancy designer brands, he has no idea I just stole half of it and have been using the generous allowance he gave me to spoil Mingi instead and buy other sorts of useless shit and necessities. So I just pretend I’m this fashionista diva who only wants to wear the most exclusive of designer, and even with all the money he’s giving me, it doesn’t give me the connections to get limited edition pieces from exclusive collections... and he gets them for me, of course, and do you have any idea how much those kinds of things sell for?”

If there was one thing you always admired about Wooyoung, it was how clever that sly fox could be when it came to things like this. Trust Jung Wooyoung to milk rich old men for all they’re worth, but still not consider that microwaving rice three times would make it into a solid brick. The duality of man.

“Why haven’t you told us earlier?!” San seems almost offended, lips falling into a pout. “That’s huge! You’re basically rich now!”

“Ew, gross,” Wooyoung wrinkles his nose, “I’m not rich, I’m exploiting the rich. Big difference. Don’t lump me in with those bastards! I didn’t tell you all yet because I didn’t want to get my hopes up in case it was a scam or he ended up being dangerous, but... I think we’re in the clear now. I’m still going to pole dance because I love it and I don’t want my only source of income to be reliant on some old rich man’s whims, but I can afford to take a week off and pitch in for you guys too. I might have to leave periodically if he calls, though, but luckily I already know how to dance. I’ll catch up quick.”

“It’s a plan, then,” Kevin speaks up, and the relief it fills you with is immense; you were the most concerned about his reaction to the idea, as he was the least inclined to heavy physical activity out of all of you, but you figure you must have been underestimating him – he may be no dancer yet, but Gaga nights at the gay club have him vogueing like he is one. “We make our next stage a dance stage to rival theirs, and Eric gets to put us all through dance hell? Good thing I started working out…”

You look around the room for any signs of protest, but luckily enough, everyone seems to be on the same page. You see a particular spark in Wooyoung and Mingi’s eyes – for completely different reasons – that make you think this really is the right path to take.

“Going once, going twice… agreed, then!” You clasp your hands together, determined. “Someone pick a movie, and we can tell Eric when he feels like speaking with us calmly again.”

a/n: not gonna lie this might be one of my favourite chapters so far hehe those chan scenes were extremely fun to write. anyway if you havent already, let me know your thoughts thru this google form or even through an ask, either or can be anonymous if you want (tho if you want me to reply to your form responses, pls do sign off w ur @!) as always reblogs are always appreciated and im always down to talk in depth abt these characters if any questions or brainrot arises. LOL

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