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kpop-with-mars · 2 years

Text

|everything you are is beautiful|Hyunjin x trans reader|

{hwang hyunjin was your best friend from kindergarten to middle school going separate ways after high school and growing apart overtime, years later you would have a talent for playing an array of instruments and become a small artist under jype, but then when you see stray kids you recognize hyunjin but the thing is he doesn't realize who you are, reason being you had been transitioning after graduating}

paring{hwang hyunjin x trans(ftm)reader}

tags{angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, pining, best friends, mlm, found family, coming out, comedy, crying, depression, dysphoria, happy ending}

☣WARNINGS☣{im a trans boy but im sorry if i miss some things or misrepresent some trans people, swearing, angst, big sad argument near the end, depression, body dysphoria, coming out, mentioned someone outting you}

word count{2,3k+}

A/N{reader is same age as hyunjin but a bit younger by a few months, this fic will be available on ao3 as well}

{d/n = deadname}

enjoy!

He's beautiful

beautiful is the only way to describe hwang hyunjin, beautiful in the sense that he could make the ugliest outfit In the world make him look like a god, beautiful in a way that makes you wonder for a second if he really is this kind just for the camera but then you meet him and his personality is like moonlight reflecting on a pond in a quiet forest, so calm and peaceful to anyone and everyone but most of all beautiful, his voice, talents, hobbies just make him so beautiful he left people wanting to be as talented as him or look like him or be as rich him, but he always left you thinking

'why can't my body look like that? why couldn't I be born the same way he was?'

You've always been dealing with dysphoria even after top surgery and starting testosterone you can't help but want to scream when you get called a 'lady' or 'ma'am', its so hard because in your head you think that if only you had been born like hyunjin you wouldn't be dealing with some the problems you've gone through, like the slurs, the bullying, your parents disowning you, all of the things you experienced just because you want to be boy,

You're regularly around stray kids for most of your job, you are an idol too after all, and over all of the time you've had to reconnect with hyunjin you and him became friends like you were back in middle school always joking around poking fun at some of the members but never crossing the line with any of them and enjoying eachother's company and even growing some secret feelings for him, but you felt like he couldn't love you, he didn't even recognize you from when you two were younger and he would sometimes slip into conversations about how he misses his best friend d/n, he just couldn't love you because to you its clear he loved better as a girl,

You feel as though now that you're away from all of the people including your family that don't support you, everyone has to hate you, but not hyunjin and the rest of stray kids they've always felt like a safe space for you and there always gonna be with you, every time you think they're going to hate you for being trans they always show so much love even though they don't know yet,

"hey y/n-ah were gonna have a little sleepover party at the dorm you wanna come along" seungmin asked "of course ill be there" you responed excited to go spend some time the group after weeks of promotions and interviews.

you arrive to stray kids dorm wearing some comfy and casual clothes that Felix got you on a little date shopping with him and hyunjin, you come into the dorm and make your self comfortable on one of the recliners sitting next to han and hyunjin playing smash Bros on there big ass tv, "y/nnie you wanna play with us?" hyunjin asks you handing out a little switch controller for you to take "oh sure!" You say a bit startled by hyunjin talking to you while your head was in the clouds, but before you guys can start another round jeongin comes running into the living room dragging minho behind him "let's play truth or dare!" everyone immediately stopped with what they were doing and formed a circle on the floor, "alright first, han, truth or dare" minho said as he looked at the quokka "dare" "alright then I dare you to make out me" "challenge accepted!" the two of them disappeared into the other room to get some privacy, "so, that happened" bang chan said quickly brushing it off, some awkward silence between every one for a few minutes "should we wait for them-" Felix was cut off by han and minho exiting the room both of there faces redder then strawberrys "how the fuck did you two manage to give eachother hickeys, you were gone for less then 5 minutes" seungmin remarked minho glared at him "well you see seungminnie when a man and another man love eachother very much-" "nope, stop don't say anything else I don't need to have the talk again thank you"

Everyone laughed as han and minho sat back down, "okayy now, y/n" you perked your head up when you heard your name "truth or dare!" jeongin demanded in a sort of wizard voice "um, im just gonna go with truth" you responed

"y/n, what is something about you that you wouldn't want most people to know?"

Your heart sank at the question and all you could feel was panic, you knew that were supportive of the lgbtq+ community but you wondered if this was the best place to tell them, you couldn't lie and say something else because they basically know everything about you, expect one thing,

"you okay?" Han questioned you becoming more worried along with the other members, "yeah im fine, im still thinking" hyunjin took this as a sign that you might not be okay, he holds your hand to let you know that he's listening and he'll be there for you, you take a second to look at hyunjin and his lips curve into a small smile, and you smile back, becoming less stressed as you take a deep breath,

"Im sorry I didn't tell any of you years ago, but now I think im ready..." you look up to the rest of them their eyes filled with love and understanding,

"im transgender"

You couldn't help but laugh because of how nervous you were, but you were feeling so happy that you didn't have to worry about their thoughts about trans people because you knew that they would always support you and not Pressure you into coming out to them,

"we still love you y/nnie, its okay!" Felix hugged you tightly you hugging back equally tight "im glad you told us y/n, thank you for trusting us" bang chan got up to rub your back being the father of the group, a wave of euphoria rushes over you feeling like you could do anything and everything now that that weight has been lifted from your chest (literally), "that doesn't make you any less of a man to me, you're still the best workout partner I have" chanbin stated sounding like he'll punch anyone that says otherwise,

"maybe we should do something else now, any ideas?" jeongin asked looking at the others "how about some popcorn and movies" everyone agreed in unison to seungmin's request "alright then me and jeongin will get started on the popcorn and you guys can queue the movie" bang chan and jeongin got up and headed to the kitchen while every one else was getting comfortable on the sofa's,

hyunjin sat next to you as the movie played, then he got close up to your ear "im glad you told us y/n, we're proud of you" he whispered pressing a light kiss under your eye turning back to watch the movie while you felt your face heat up.

the next couple of months would by just as normal with the promotions, comebacks, etc, expect your feelings for hyunjin would grow more and more intense just by looking at him no matter what he was doing, he always seemed to capture your heart with ease just by laughing or looking into his eyes, he was just so captivating by everything he did he could just be breathing and you would still think he's beautiful,

'he couldn't love me back' you'd think 'i don't even know if he likes guys' your intrusive thought would sting at your heartstrings, but it was true you didn't know what his preferences were and even if you did would he love you back?.

during your break in between promotions you hung out with han, jeongin and hyunjin relaxing on the sofa and chatting with the three of them, when the conversation suddenly went to dating "y/n hyung are you interested in anyone?" jeongin wondered "no, not really" "hmm what about hyunjin hyung?" you all looked at hyunjin who was busy looking on his phone "I mean...yes?" han and the maknae both gasped in unison but your anxiety was slowly kicking in as you realized what's about to unfold, "spill the tea" han egged hyunjin on as his took a drink of his water like it was wine, "well I haven't seen her since high school but I just can't stop thinking about her" every fear in your body grow more with every word hyunjin said, "well what's her name???" jeongin questioned focusing his whole being on hyunjin,

"d/n"

your ears started to ring when you heard that name, you wanted everything to stop and just go dark, anything to rid you of this feeling that felt like your heart was gonna stop, "tell us more about her" "well she was really talented with instruments and could easily just pick something up and start playing, boy she was amazing" hyunjin said in a dreamy voice holding his face in his hands "wow she sure sounds great, what do you think y/n?" jeongin cocked his head in your direction his eyes filled with excitement, "she kinda sounds like a bitch" you muttered feeling anger begin to take over you, you just couldn't stand it when people praised you before you transitioned saying that you were 'such a talented young girl' and that you 'looked so much better back then',

"why are you saying that y/n!?" han's expression changing to shock at your words "yeah don't be so salty" jeongin said teasingly trying to lighten up the conversation "just because she's talented doesn't mean she's not a whore" you responed not even caring at this point, hyunjin's eyes turned dark not understanding why you're acting this way "why are you saying all of this y/n?, you don't even know her" hyunjin yelled standing up from his seat "oh no hyunjin i know her, 'good grades, loved by her friends and family, such a talented and sweet young girl with a bright future ahead of her'" you yelled back getting up from the sofa "what's your point!?" hyunjin scoffed getting increasingly more angry "but then one day someone found out one little thing about her that she couldn't change, then told everyone that she knew and then she lost everyone, her friends and her own family, all b-because..." you looked down as you felt giant tears begin to form in your eyes that threaten to fall as you were overwhelmed with sadness and self hatred, "because what?" hyunjin questioned still angry but becoming more worried by the sound of his voice, you try to wipe your tears away before looking back up at hyunjin,

"all because she didn't want to be a girl"

you fell back onto the sofa crying as jeongin patting your back trying his best to comfort you "i always looked at you and thought 'one day im gonna be like hyunjin and finally be seen as a boy', you've made me feel better about myself at times when I thought about hurting myself, I look up to you because to me I think everything about you is beautiful and I want to follow in your footsteps" hyunjin sits next to you crying as he puts his hands on your face "i-im so sorry y/n, im such an asshole" he sobbed looking down away from your eyes, the other two members silently leave to give you two some space and work things out, "your not an asshole, im sorry I didn't tell you I was so afraid of what you might say that I just stuffed down all my feelings for you" you responed lifting hyunjin's head up as you wipe away all the tears on his face "how do you feel about me?" hyunjin looked into your eyes as you pause for a second to think about your words "I love you hyunjin, more then you could ever imagine" you hug hyunjin so tight that you could feel his heartbeat against your chest as you buried your face in his shoulder, hyunjin picks your face up from his shoulder in order to face you, both of your lips almost connecting with eachother's

"I love you too y/n" he whispers pushing his lips up to yours

as you two pull away from his lips you embrace him again as he wraps his arms around your waist.

that night you decided to spend the night with hyunjin, you and him were in his room talking with one another while cuddling in his bed "i never knew how much you looked up to me" he said sounding like he was getting pretty tired "well you're a beautiful person so how could I not" you yawned "you keep saying im beautiful, what's up with that?" hyunjin questioned while looking up at you "well like I said before everything about you is beautiful, meaning not just your looks but also you as person" you responed planting a smell peck on his forehead "ahh now I get it" he shyed feeling kinda dumb for not getting it before "we should get some sleep now im tired" you yawned all of your energy drained from your little heart to heart argument with hyunjin "alright goodnight baby I love you" "i love you too" you gave him a small kiss on his lips before he buried his face in your chest the two of you slowly falling asleep in the comfort of eachother's arms.

im sorry if this isn't good I tried to make it longer than my last fic but I hope you enjoyed it!

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