#sorry for the lil bit of sad at the end i couldn’t come up with a fluffy ending (￣▽￣*)ゞ

[nohoney]

I have an idea, can we get siren (merman) Hawks and can it be smut/fluffy...please

-👁

i’ve never been one to be able to write about any fantasy creatures whatsoever but this was actually kind of fun (๑˃ᴗ˂)

warnings: oral sex (receiving), fingering (receiving), some dirty talk (imagined by the reader), a little bittersweet at the end sorry

The air is warm, sunlight peeks through the breaks of the trees, and you walk further down the path to the lake that you’ve been visiting since the beginning of spring last year. A picnic basket is carried by your side, it’s contents slightly rattling as you walk the paved dirt path. The straps of your dress fall down your shoulder every once in a while and you think that once you stop to rest that you should tighten the bows a little bit so that you’re not always adjusting them.

You break into a little jog once you see the end of the path despite your flip flops not being meant for more than a leisurely walk.

A small pond with a little waterfall is your destination. There’s a wooden dock that you can tell has been standing strong and shows no sign of giving way anytime soon. Perhaps in another fifty years it will start to show some wear but right now, it’s sturdy.

You sit at the very end of the dock, making sure to take your flip flops off first and setting your basket aside next to you. The water level has risen; you know this because last year the water only reached your ankle when you dipped your feet in and this year, the water is up last your calves. There was a lot of rain and while you’re grateful for it, you also don’t want it to submerge the dock either.

Kicking your feet in the water, it creates ripples and disturbs the water lilies nearby.

A head of blond hair pops out from the surface of the water, yellow eyes trained on you swimming beneath the surface to approach. “There you are,” you greet to your friend, “I brought a picnic for us today.”

The head disappears beneath the surface, leaving you alone for a few seconds, the splash of water and wet hands grip onto your calves. When you look down, you see the handsome face of man but beneath the surface of the water, he’s mythical.

Last year, you discovered him.

You moved to town two years ago in the winter and hadn’t made any friends yet. Loneliness settled heavily on you as you struggled to connect with the folks of this town but it’s hard to break into the inner circles of a place where the population is only used to knowing each other. In trying to make conversation with the townsfolk, you heard a lot of talk of avoiding the lake in the middle of the forest. That apparently some parents tried to drown their child in the lake and it came back as a ghastly creature to haunt the water and the surrounding shores of it as well.

You took their little fairytale as a bunch of hooey and decided to walk to that lake.

When you walked the path, it was no different than any trail you had been to before. However coming closer to the break in the trees, you saw a dock and someone swimming in the water. There was some wariness from you when you saw it was a man. Only his head popped up from the water and he seemed very focused on something in the tree branches that reached over the water.

You peered quietly at first, following his line of vision to see a hawk just perched on a tree branch.

When you called out, it startled both the bird and the young man. The hawk took flight and the man in the water was frightened by your presence. He was quick to look back at you before going into the water. You ran to the dock, shouting that you were friendly and your eyes were searching for air bubbles to find him. Your immediate action was to jump in after him.

It was the day you discovered that mermaids… or rather a merman was real.

He had a beautiful tail of red scales that shimmered underneath the sunlight and he seemed to have a liking for the hawk that circled the lake.

So you named him Hawks.

Unusual name for a sea creature but he responded to it once he had gotten used to your presence.

“Here, I brought you an egg today. Hard boiled this time.” You offered to Hawks, already having peeled the shell off. Last time you tried to give him soft boiled but he hated it. He looks reluctantly at it and shakes his head, a gesture that you had taught him since you found he had very little communication. “Oh don’t worry, it’s not runny like last time.”

To prove it, you bite into the top half of the bed. The yolk is firm and a little dry as you chew, but it’s for your friend and not yourself.

Hawks is still reluctant.

“If you don’t want it, that’s okay. But it just means that you won’t get your favorite,” you sing the last word and watch how he perks up, “chicken.”

Hawks grunts and pats his hand at your knee, almost as if he were a child. His hand reaches towards you, eager at the mention of his favorite food. You place the half eaten egg in his palm before pushing his hand back to him. You giggle when he pouts at the egg and looks back up at you; you can tell he feels a little betrayed.

“Just try it, okay? You know how to show me if you don’t like something right?”

You taught him small ways to communicate, often with simple hand gestures. If he doesn’t like something, he’s supposed to cover his mouth with his hand. If he does, he taps his lips twice and then points to what he likes.

Again, like a child, he takes the egg and chews with puffed up cheeks. As you wait for his evaluation, you reach for the plastic container inside the picnic basket but you don’t quite bring it out just yet. He needs to properly tell you whether he likes something or not.

Hawks seems to mull it over before putting his hand over his mouth.

“Okay, I won’t bring you eggs anymore then.” You say with a little confirming nod. The container from the picnic basket is brought out and Hawks bounces in the water in excitement. The little, excited grunts he makes make you shake your head with a smile. You hand him a hearty piece of cooked chicken and it’s practically snatched from you.

Nothing that you haven’t been used to for a good while now.

You give him pieces of chicken with one hand and feed yourself with a sandwich the the other. The sun is warm on your skin, the water is cool, and Hawks is nuzzling your shins as you finish feeding yourself once all the chicken was gone.

Slowly you start to pack up everything inside your picnic basket. You wished that you didn’t have to go, truthfully you hated leaving him by himself, but you still had a life to attend to. Plus also needing to cook his favorite foods as well. “Okay Hawks, I’ll try to see if I can stop by in a few days?”

You start to lift your legs out the water but Hawks hugs your legs to keep you in place.

When he does that, you know it’s because he’s feeling a little lonely.

“I’m sorry Hawks, I know you’re sad that I have to go. I’ll try to come the soonest I can, okay?” You apologize to him, reaching down cup his cheek. He leans into your palm, affectionately humming but whines sadly when you retreat your hand back. He taps his lips twice and points to you. “I like you too Hawks.”

Slowly, he parts your legs and pushes the skirt of your dress up. Again he taps his lips twice and points to in between your legs, this time sticking his tongue out.

“Oh… I don’t know about today.”

Aside from keeping his actual presence a secret, this of course stays strictly between the two of you. Not that Hawks had the capability of saying anything or anyone knew of his presence. Sometimes you laid in bed at night thinking about him, reminiscing how curious he is about your body and how you let him explore his curiosity.

Hawks repeats his action, his brows furrowing and insisting with a pout that is working its magic on you.

He ends up getting what he wants when he presses a kiss to your knee, looking at you through his eyelashes and humming.

“… Okay.”

You discard your dress and fold it neatly before setting it aside. Hawks has a smile on his face that you pretend to not see as you slip your underwear off your body. Your calves are used to the temperature of the water but you still let out a little squeal as you join him in the water.

Hawks swims up to you and shows how happy he is by giving you a hug, affectionately nuzzling your cheek. Even though you hadn’t necessarily planned to have this type of visit with him, a part of you is flattered that he has these kinds of feelings for you and wants to act on them.

He pulls back, only to give you a quick kiss on the lips, smiling at you before sinking beneath the water’s surface. His lips kiss at your tummy before sinking lower, his hands carefully holding your hips and pats your butt as a signal.

I’m going to start now.

You gasp when he shyly licks at you as just a little tease, focusing on the view ahead of you and at a water lily floating on the water. “Oh…” you whisper quietly as closes his mouth over your cunt, licking away at you with the same eagerness he was displaying before. “H-Hawks… oh fuck.”

If only there was some way for you to be able to breathe underwater with him. To see his face and what kind of expressions as he eats you out. He’s beautiful so you know that if you were to see him look up at you as he ate you out, he’d set the butterflies in your tummy fluttering.

When you first let him explore his curiosity, he was just as shy as you were. You could tell by his touches and he could tell by the way you’d jerk whenever you were unprepared to receive his touch. But at this point of your bond, the two of you were definitely used to each other.

Not to say that he didn’t make you flustered sometimes.

Hawks seemed to be able to express himself just fine without words and without difficulty. Something in his nature or perhaps you happened to sync well with him, the two of you were able to understand one another clearly. How was it the best communication you had in a relationship, it was with someone that couldn’t speak any discernible words at all?

“Oh god!” You gasp again before you let out a small moan. Hawks licks you enthusiastically, carefully pushing a finger into your pussy, something that he learned after observing you in the early stages of the two of you showing interest in one another. You remembered how you shyly opened your legs while sitting at the dock one day and confessing to him that you dreamt of him. You remember his curious eyes watching your fingers dip into your dripping cunt and just how fascinated he became.

Your head falls back and you dip one hand beneath the water to grasp at Hawks’ hair. You bite your bottom lip to try to keep your noises in even though you were more than sure that no one else except him would hear you.

Sometimes you wonder what he’d sound like if he was able to speak. You imagine his voice would be smooth, pleasing to your ears and that he could make you laugh. In your selfish little mind, he says all the right things that make your heart race.

You’re a good girl, my wonderful girl…

The tip of his tongue prods against your clit and you let out an audible moan into the air.

The way you sound is so sexy, I fucking love it!

Your hips rock into his mouth, almost like you’re riding his face. His hands are secure on holding your waist to help keep you afloat. Sparks of pleasure go up and down your body, your thighs slightly shaky as your orgasm starts build higher.

Sweet, precious thing… I adore you.

Your hand clenches into a fist and grabs a fistful of Hawks’ hair while your mouth drops into a silent ‘oh’. Your eyes flutter as you experience your high, still caught off guard over how well Hawks has learned how to make you cum. He was intelligent enough to discern that you were experiencing pleasure, smart enough to see if you were sad over something, and he always seemed to be looking into you just as you were looking into him.

He always looked like he was in wonder whenever he stared at you too long.

Hawks comes up from the water and you loop your arms around him in a hug, pressing a kiss to his cheek and just hanging onto him like a sloth. You were wanting to catch your breath. He doesn’t seem to be done with you just yet, sliding his hand between your bodies and pushes two fingers into your pussy. “Oh… you’re not done?” You ask but have difficulty keeping conversation when you’re still sensitive from an orgasm and he keeps curling his fingers into you.

Your body shudders as you let him finger you, a part of you wondering if he liked the feel of his fingers inside your warm cunt. More than a few times he’d point to in between your legs and hold up his middle and index finger up as a signal and pointing at himself. Eventually you had learned that it was his way of saying that he wanted to finger you.

“H-Hawks… are you done? I have to go back soon.” You whimper as he continues to tease his fingers against that spongy spot that makes you see heaven. Your cunt squeezes around his fingers and a big part of you wishes that he had a cock so that you could know what it was like to fuck him.

You could see him being a little whiny as he cums in you, lying back to let you take control as you ride him. You’d milk him dry and make a creamy mess on his dick, wanting to make him just as over sensitive in the same way he does it to you.

You wished that you could fuck Hawks.

Cumming a second time by his fingers, you pat at his shoulder and he retreats from you. This time, he returns your hug and holds you close. Your legs cross around his waist and you stay for a small moment just holding one another.

A kiss is pressed to your forehead.

I miss you already.

In return, you do the same to him.

I always miss you.

You wished that he could come with you.

You try hard to not look at him as you begin to get ready to leave because of the sad look in his eye. There are days that he seems to be okay as you head home, but others he makes it very known when he’s sad. And you know that the more time you spend together, each goodbye will get harder and more forlorn.

“Okay Hawks, I’m going to go now. I’ll try to visit soon.”

He nods his head, watching from the water as you take your picnic basket and the straps of your dress fall off your shoulder. You walk ahead and make sure to keep looking forward, eventually hearing when he dives under the water and you can let out the sad sigh you were holding in.

“I’ll visit you again soon.”

#i hope you liked 👁️ nonny! #my inspiration was somewhat drawn from the film ‘the shape of water’ #i wanted to keep it a little simple for this lil piece and i’m quite happy with it! #sorry for the lil bit of sad at the end i couldn’t come up with a fluffy ending (￣▽￣*)ゞ #hawks x reader #takami keigo x reader #hawks smut #k.inbox

[probably-writing-x]

Missing Piece.

Summary: can you do conklin!reader x conrad where since she’s the oldest sibling, laurel had so much expectations for her and she held a lot of responsibility to the point where she couldn’t even enjoy being a kid. this is gonna sound sad but let’s say conrad chose belly over her but he was really just confused about what he wants which was reader but since her and belly are so similar, he chose belly and the reader had a big argument that led to her being the bad guy and all the stress caused her to just leave cousins and cut contact with everyone. Flash forward like 2 years ( reader is in college and everyone else is beginning college soon ) reader comes back to cousins and everyone is shocked to see she has a son 😭 it doesn’t have to be conrad’s i was thinking it could be like an ex boyfriends or one night stand’s BUT yeah she comes back with a whole kid and she’s so grown now. ( you can add a lil stepdad conrad if you want 😮‍💨 )

Warnings: Discussions of toxic family relations, mentions of unplanned pregnancy

Author’s Note: I’m sorry this is so long but I took this idea and RAN with it! Hope y’all enjoy plz plz plz let me know what you think

You always knew how your little sister Belly had felt about Conrad when you were all growing up. For as long as you could remember, she’d been head over heels for him. She laughed a little harder at his jokes, remembered a little more about everything he said. She loved him.

You weren’t exactly sure when your feelings for Conrad had started, however. He’d always just been a friend. The boy you spent every summer with as the two of you were responsible for babysitting the rest. He’d always just been Conrad. But lately that had felt like it was changing.

The worst part about it all? You couldn’t even tell him how you felt. For the fear of breaking your little sisters heart was worse than letting your own break right in front of you.

“Are you even listening to me (y/l/n)?” Conrad stretches out a leg to kick you from where he sat on the other end of the couch and you look up from your book to see him.

“Um,” You clear your throat, “No, I didn’t hear a word you said.”

He rolls his eyes at you, “I asked if you were coming to the party tonight.”

“Oh, yeah, I hadn’t thought about it,” You shrug, “Is everyone going?”

He shrugs his shoulders, “I haven’t asked everyone. I’ve asked you.”

You smile in return, “Yeah, sure, I’ll come.”

He stretches forward and grabs the book from your hands, “What are you reading?”

“Con!” You exclaim, reaching over his legs to try to grab the book from his hands, “Give it back.”

He laughs and holds it high over his head, away from your reach as you fall forward, hand catching yourself on his chest.

You look up to his eyes and he’s looking down at you with a smirk on his lips.

“Can you please give me my book back?”

“I could,” He returns, the pages still tight between his grip.

“Okay, will you?”

“What’s in it for me?”

There’s something about the way he says the words. Hoarse in his throat, almost catching on his tongue, foreign tone to hear from his lips. You feel the heat increasing in your cheeks and try to ignore it.

“Nothing, just give it back,” You groan, stretching far up enough that your fingertips brush the pages and he eventually releases the book from his grip.

You compose yourself and return to your side of the couch, trying to ignore the deep heat coursing through your cheeks.

“Hey!” Belly’s voice sounds from the doorway as she comes in, “I’m not interrupting am I?”

“No, no, of course not,” Conrad stands up quickly from the couch, “Are you ready to go?”

Belly nods, “Yeah, sure. Are you coming (y/n)?”

You force a small smile in their direction, “I’ll be there in a bit.”

“(Y/n) I really need your help tonight,” Your Mom, Laurel walks into the room in their absence, “We’ve got so much to set up for tomorrow so I’ll need your help with it all.”

You set your book down and look up at her, “Actually I think there’s a party tonight that everyone’s going to so I sort of had plans.”

She brushes you off, busy looking at something on her phone, “Well just cancel your plans.”

“It’s a party, Mom, everyone’s going,” You roll your eyes, “Can’t I just help tomorrow morning?”

“Can you please not make this more difficult than it needs to be?” She shakes her head at you, “You’re eighteen now, aren’t you too old for those kinds of things?”

“Right, yeah, eighteen is the cut off point for having fun,” You stand up from the couch.

“(Y/n) wait!” She calls after you, “I need you to go to-“

“The store, yeah, I just got the list,” You wave your phone in your hand, “(Y/n) Conklin at your service.”

Your relationship with Laurel has never been ideal. You were the oldest of the three of you and so her expectations for you seemed far beyond what she wanted from the others. She was more patient with them, more understanding. You didn’t get that. They got a childhood and you got the responsibility of looking after them. They went to the fair? You had to make sure they all came back in one piece. They went to a party? You had to be the designated driver and make sure neither of them drank too much. Something important going on? They got to be kids whilst you dealt with it like an adult. You grew up too fast and she was to blame for that - her expectations tainting any form of childhood you could’ve held onto.

You step outside and start walking towards your car, pausing when you hear the sound of laughter from the others. Conrad has Belly in his arms, lifting her up from the ground as the other boys try to grab her legs. He’s holding her tight, a bright smile on his face when he looks at her. They’d had that tradition for years. Since you were first coming to Cousins. But you were never a part of it. Because whilst they grabbed Belly and ran her to the pool, you had to help your Mom carry in the luggage and set up everyone’s rooms. Traditions, right?

“(Y/n)!” Jeremiah yells over to you when he catches sight of you, “Are you coming later? We thought we could go to the store and get some drinks before we go.”

He walks over to you and the other boys follow behind.

“Um,” You drag a hand through your hair, glancing at the house, “I can’t come tonight, I’ve got stuff to help my Mom with here.”

“Oh come on, you’re so boring,” Steven groans, “You never come to parties.”

Right, because I’m too busy picking up the slack for you and Belly.

“Yeah, sorry, Laurel’s orders,” You shrug, “Maybe next time.”

“Can you at least stop at the store and use your fake? Thank youuuuu,” Steven yells back as he heads back towards the pool.

You roll your eyes, forcing a smile to the Fisher brothers, “I’ll see you guys later.”

Conrad frowns a little at you, “You sure you’re not coming?”

You shrug your shoulders, “I’ll be designated driver, you can just call me when you need picking up.”

He smiles faintly and watches as you head towards your car, your shoulders dropping as you let out a sigh. Laurel’s orders.

———

You spend the night helping your Mom and Susannah set up for their charity event before you eventually get a text from Steven asking you to come get them.

You drive across the town to the other end and pull up in front of the house, texting them to say you’re outside.

Only Jeremiah and Steven step out though.

“Thanks for coming,” Jere smiles, sitting in the back seat, “You’re a lifesaver.”

You frown at the two of them, “Where’s the rest?”

Steven laughs, “Don’t get us started.”

“What’s going on?” You ask, glancing back in the mirror to catch Jeremiah’s face, watching as his jaw clenches.

“Conrad and Belly disappeared together,” Steven explains, “They were all over each other, and then the next minute we couldn’t find either of them.”

“So-“ You clear your throat, words seemingly catching on your tongue, “So you don’t know where they are?”

“They’re together, they’re fine,” Steven shrugs, “But god I’m dreading hearing that story tomorrow.”

You swallow the lump in your throat and lock eyes with Jeremiah who just shrugs his shoulders at you. He was your counterpart in this. Him in love with Belly despite his brother. You in love with Conrad despite your sister.

“Can we go?” Steven nudges you, “I’m starving.”

The three of you drive back in relative silence apart from Steven hiccuping every five seconds, until you reach the house and you pull up on the driveway. You make sure to shut the door quietly behind you so that Laurel wouldn’t complain in the morning and the two boys disappear into the kitchen.

“(Y/n) can I eat some of your-“ Steven calls out loudly.

You stick your head around the doorframe of the kitchen and shush him, whispering back, “Eat whatever you want as long as it’s not the food for tomorrow.”

He salutes in your direction and you roll your eyes, walking through into the lounge and collapsing down onto one of the couches. Your Mom would kill you if Belly didn’t come home tonight, and especially if you didn’t have any clue where she was.

So whilst the boys eat and reside to their bedrooms, you wait.

-

It’s around three am when you hear the door open again and two hushed voices coming through into the silent house.

“Is everyone asleep?” You hear Belly whisper and you glance up from the couch.

That’s when you see it. His hand intertwined with hers, his flannel shirt around her shoulders, both of their eyes alight.

“I think so,” Conrad hisses in return as the two of them walk towards the stairs.

She steps up ahead of him but he pauses on the bottom step, glancing into the lounge where his eyes lock with yours. You don’t look away and neither does he, so you watch as he swallows the lump in his throat, his hand dropping from its grip on Belly’s.

You look away then, turning over on the couch so that your back faces them. It’s such a quick response isn’t it? Five seconds and now your throat feels like it can’t breathe air, and your eyes are pricked with tears threatening to spill. You let out a shaky breath and grip firmly onto the cushion beneath your head, your chest feeling tighter and tighter.

———

The following morning you wake up to the sound of voices in the kitchen and you groan at the sudden realisation of how uncomfortable the couch really is.

When you walk through, it’s your brother and sister.

“She’s alive!” Steven laughs, “What happened to you last night?”

You drag a hand over your face, “I-“ Your eyes shift to Belly who’s stood with the faintest smile over her face as she sips her coffee, the look of a girl in love, “I was going to stay awake to make sure Belly got back safe but I must’ve… I don’t know, I must’ve fallen asleep before she got back.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry, we were pretty late,” She clears her throat, “I mean, I was- we weren’t-“

“Come on Bels everyone saw you and Conrad together,” Steven scoffs, “You didn’t exactly make it discrete.”

“Well, I-“ Belly laughs a little, “We just-“

“I don’t think I want to hear this,” Steven groans, “Please spare me the details.”

He takes a cup of coffee from the counter and walks out, his shoulders hanging low.

You take a deep breath and turn back to your sister, pausing for a second. Something about her seems so different - like she’s a whole new person. One piece of her life fallen into place and she was… happy. You swallow the lump in your throat.

“So, you and Conrad,” You mention, your back turned to her as you pull out a pancake mix from the cupboard.

“I don’t even know how it happened,” She shakes her head, “I mean, you all know I’ve had a crush on him since I could remember and then he told me he wanted us to be together and I-“

“He wants you to be together?” You half-choke out the words, your hands feeling weak, your heart numb.

“That’s what he said,” She nods, “We still need to talk about things but yesterday seemed pretty official.”

You blink a couple of times and take a deep breath, pulling your shoulders back a little, “That’s great, Bels, I’m happy for you.”

Before you can say anything more, Conrad walks through into the kitchen, pausing when he sees the two of you.

“Oh, um, morning,” He offers a small smile, letting out a breath.

You nod in greeting, “I’m going to leave you two to it.”

“(Y/n)…” Conrad speaks quietly as you go to leave, his hand reaching out towards you.

You look up at him and there’s a shift in his eyes, a difference in the way he looks at you. Like he knows everything and nothing about what he’s done.

“Never mind,” He shakes his head.

And you’re gone.

———

You don’t see them for the rest of the day. In fact, you don’t see anyone. You go down to the beach at some point in the afternoon and swim in the flat waves and return to the house hours later with damp hair. Your Mom makes a comment about how you need to look presentable for this evening.

You’ve showered and are sat on your bed wrapped in a baggy hoodie and shorts straightening your hair when there’s a knock on your door.

“(Y/n) can I come in?”

It’s Jeremiah.

“Yeah, of course,” You shift on your seat and he steps inside.

“I just wanted to see how you were,” He perches himself on the edge of the bed, looking at you through the mirror.

“I’m okay, this event should be good,” You lie through a smile, fixing the hair around your face.

“(Y/n)…” He frowns at you, “You don’t have to lie.”

“Wh-“

“He broke your heart,” He confirms for you, “And she broke mine.”

You laugh a little, “Well that makes us sound sad, Jere.”

He smiles gently, softly, “It’s okay for you to be upset about it. You don’t have to put on that facade like you normally do.”

“I just-“ You shake your head, “I can’t be upset. I’m happy for Belly, she’s loved him since forever.”

“(Y/n),” Jeremiah waits until you turn around to face him, “You’ve spent your life being happy for Belly, it’s okay for you to let yourself once wish that you were happy for you.”

You look down at the ground and back up, shaking your head a little as tears pool at your eyes, “I just really thought it would be me.”

Instantly, Jere jumps from the bed and hurries over to you, engulfing you in his arms as you bury your head into his chest.

“I did too,” He mumbles as he runs a hand up and down your back.

“God, I’m so stupid,” You laugh, dragging your hands under your eyes, “I need to stop this before tonight.”

He pulls back and holds both of your shoulders, “You’re going to get dressed into your best dress, and you’re going to look beautiful, and we’re going to drink, and drink some more, and we’re both going to forget all about last night. How does that sound?”

You nod your head, “Okay.”

“Okay,” Jeremiah grins, “Now cheer up before you make me cry too.”

You laugh softly, watching him disappear before you let out a shaky breath, turning back to yourself in the mirror and setting your shoulders back to fix your posture.

You could do this.

———

By the time you come downstairs, the house is flooded with people all in attendance for the event. The garden doors are open and people have spilled outside, all mingling between each other as Susannah goes around to greet everyone that she can.

You take a glass of champagne from the tray in the kitchen and tip it back until the liquid empties down your throat, and you grimace a little at the taste.

“Woah, take it easy Conklin,” Steven raises his brows at you as you refill your glass, “You never drink.”

“Yeah, well, it’s a party isn’t it?” You shrug your shoulders, tipping back another glass.

“Who are you and what have you done with my sister?” Steven laughs.

You go to respond but your eyes fall on the pair just across the room. The girl’s fingers fixing the bow tie around the boy’s neck, her hands settling onto his chest soon after, a smile on her face. Belly and Conrad.

“They seem pretty-“

“Yeah, I know,” You respond quickly, “Made for each other.”

“I was going to say full-on,” Steven grimaces, “It’s weird.”

You shrug, “Maybe they’re happy.”

You swallow the lump in your throat and try to ignore the tightening in your chest, sure that you could leave at that sight alone.

How could you do this? How could you be normal with them when it was like this? How could you spend every day with them?

“I can’t be here,” You shake your head, “I need some air.”

You grab a bottle of tequila from the liquor display and take it with you outside, sipping from it before you’ve even got to the garden.

It’s colder as the sun is already setting but another sip of tequila seems to take the edge off just a little, and its already going to your head.

You start making your way around the perimeter of the pool, your steps a little off balance as you teeter across the edge.

“(Y/n)?” Belly’s voice calls from the doorway of the house, “What are you doing out here?”

Your foot spins you to face her and you catch sight of her at the door, a black jacket wrapped around her shoulders. The sight makes your heart sink into your stomach, churning your insides.

“Come on, Mom wants you to mingle wit-“

“I don’t care what Mom wants,” You reply harshly, swigging back the tequila once again.

“Wh- what are you talking about?”

“I’ve done my bit, okay? I’ve done more than my bit. She can leave me alone for one night,” You roll your eyes, “Just one fucking night.”

“What’s going on with you (y/n)? This isn’t like you,” She wraps her arms around herself, the jacket tightening across her shoulders.

“Is that… is that his jacket?”

The rational part of you is unsure as to why you even ask it. But the tequila is almost a third gone now, and you’re not sure the rational is what’s in control anymore.

“We- yeah, he gave it to me to come outside,” Belly confirms, “What’s that got to do with-“

“Did you know I liked him?” You interrupt.

“(Y/n) what-“

“Answer the question,” Your words are harsh, too harsh probably, “When you kissed him last night, when he told you he wanted to be with you, did you know that I liked him?”

“Come on, you know how I’ve felt about Conrad, how I feel about him,” Belly shakes her head, “This isn’t ab-“

“About me? Right, of course it’s not,” You scoff, stepping towards her, “Because god forbid things don’t work out the way Belly wants them to, right? God forbid we’re not all making sure that you’re happy and that things are going your way. God forbid anyone else get a fucking happy ending!”

You know you’re raising your voice, you can tell from the way she flinches as you speak. But that doesn’t seem to matter anymore either.

“You wanted him and so you got him. And me and Jere? We don’t matter, do we? We’re just thrown to the curb so that you can be fucking happy,” You half laugh, “I gave up everything for you, Belly. For you and for Steven, I gave up my whole fucking childhood. I couldn’t be a child because you two needed to be them instead. So I grew up, I stopped going out so I could do chores for Mom, chores that you missed because you were too busy with Taylor or at volleyball or failing your fucking classes. I did it all! I gave up everything. And the one thing it felt like I had was… him.”

You choke out the last word and feel the tears prick at your eyes.

“Conrad was the only one that understood, the only one who knew what it was like to feel responsible for your asses,” You scoff, “And… I gave that up too.”

“You didn’t give him up, (y/n), Conrad chose to be with me!” Belly defends, her voice breaking.

By now, the small crowd in the garden has started to increase to hear what was going on, people slowly starting to trail out of the door until you see the familiar faces.

“Girls, can we try doing this somewhere else?” Susannah steps outside, trying to smile for the guests gathering around.

“(Y/n)!” Laurel hisses, hurrying down to where the two of you stood, “Can you control yourself please? There are guests here!”

You look at her and let out a scoff, “My fault, of course.”

“You should know better,” She mutters to you, faking a polite smile for the people watching.

“Yeah, maybe I should, Mom,” You nod, fighting back your tears, “Excuse me.”

You step away from her and Belly and push your way across the garden, towards the side of the house, past the outdoor shower.

“(Y/n)!” Conrad’s voice approaches from behind you.

You keep walking in your direction, refusing to be interrupted until you feel the grip of his arm around your wrist, turning you around.

“Get off me, Conrad,” You pull away from him but his grip remains.

“Talk to me (Y/n)!” He exclaims, “Talk to me, tell me what’s going on.”

“Tell you what’s going on?” You laugh, “Like you don’t fucking know!”

“l do- What do you want me to say?” He looks frantically between your eyes, dropping his hand from your arm.

“I want you to tell me that it’s Belly you want,” You snap, “I want you to tell me that you feel the same way about her as she feels about you.”

“It’s- I mean… it’s complicated.”

“It fucking shouldn’t be!” You yell back, “You chose her, you should know how you feel about her.”

“Chose her? What… you…”

“Yeah, you fucking chose her!” You push his chest, “I was right fucking here Conrad! I was right here! I’ve always been here,” Your voice cracks and tears spill over your cheeks.

Conrad holds your hands over his chest, like he wants to hold onto a piece of you, “(Y/n) I didn’t know.”

“You didn’t know,” You step back, sniffing, “Of course you didn’t.”

“(Y/n)…” His voice trails off as he sees you, the broken version of you that he seemed to cause.

“It’s always been her, hasn’t it? She was Laurel’s favourite daughter, she was the more popular one at school, she’s Susannah’s favourite, she’s… she’s yours. And I was there to just… drive her home, cook her dinner, let her cry, buy her shit to make her feel better. I was just… there.”

He doesn’t speak, watching the way you seem to shrink into yourself at the words.

“I’m never going to be good enough, am I? For Laurel, for this family… for you?”

“(Y/n) please…”

“I’m sorry, I just… I need to…” You clear your throat, dragging a hand through your hair before you hurry inside.

———

You don’t get much sleep that night, instead running over a thousand options in your head before settling on the only one that makes any sense - that you need to go.

By five, you’ve packed up your things into a bag, checked over everything twice to make sure nothing was left behind, and grabbed your keys to head downstairs. The house is silent, and littered with the fancy aftermath of the party. You glance behind you once more and step outside, fleeing towards your car.

“(Y/n)!” Even the sound of your name rings through a trauma from the night before.

You turn around against the bright morning light to see Conrad jogging towards you.

“What are you doing?” He asks you, a frown on his face.

“I’m…” You clear your throat, “I’m just heading out.”

He looks down at the bag in your hand and his shoulders drop, “You’re leaving.”

You take a deep breath, “I… I have to Con.”

“(Y/n) please,” He reaches forward and takes one of your hands into his, “I need you to know, I- I didn’t mean to hurt you. I never wanted that.”

You pull your hand from his grip and cup the side of his face, your thumb brushing his cheek, “Con, I know you didn’t. But, I can’t stay here like this. I can’t be here. Okay?”

He looks away from you momentarily and back up to your eyes, his seemingly losing their hope.

You brush away the strands of hair around his forehead, “I’ll see you around, Fisher.”

—— 2 Years Later ——

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Carmen asks you, perched on the edge of your bed, “I mean, seriously, how long has it been?”

“Two years,” You confirm, folding up another top to put into your bag, “And I think it’s a terrible idea, but I’ve got to bite the bullet eventually.”

“How do you think they’re going to react?” He persists, “Do you think they’ll be mad?”

“Um,” You take a deep breath, “Maybe. I think it’ll be a shock more than anything. I just, I want them to see me, you know? And, look, Jere never did anything wrong. He’s reached out to be a thousand times and I want to be there for him today - that’s all I care about.”

“And who can be mad at a little face like this?” Carmen looks down at the small bundle wrapped in his crib, peacefully asleep for now.

Your son had been born two months ago. You and Carmen had been dating through your first year of college before you fell pregnant. You’d split up only a few weeks before you found out you were expecting, but the two of you had managed to successfully co-parent so far. He came to all of your appointments, asked far too many questions, slept on the spare room in your dorm when he was worried about you, and had held your hand all through the delivery. Since then, you’d managed to both fit your schedules around taking care of your baby. He worked weekends and you worked evenings, he stayed in your dorm when he knew you needed to sleep and you both avoided a fair bit of socialising so that you could be there for your son. It worked. And, more than anything, you were the happiest you’d been.

“Alright little man, be good for Mommy okay?” Carmen lifts up your son, Kylo, from his bed, “I’ll see you soon.”

He sets the baby into his car seat and fixes the straps around his chest.

“I’ll help you get him in the car,” Carmen encourages, following behind you as the two of you leave the dorm and head down towards the parking lot.

He fixes the car seat into its slot in the car, checking it twice before he steps back.

“Alright, I’ll let you know if it’s a disaster and I’ll be driving back tonight,” You laugh a little, “And if you get an SOS text from me please put your foot down and get there as soon as you can.”

Carmen chuckles, squeezing your arm, “It’s going to be fine, okay? They love you and they miss you.”

You nod, “Let’s hope so.”

“Drive safe,” He steps back, letting you get into the drivers seat.

“Wish me luck,” You smile, waving goodbye as you reverse out of the parking spot.

It had been two years since you’d seen the Fishers, and even your own family. You’d left that day at the beach house and not returned. There were countless calls from your Mom, and Steven, and Susannah and Jere. But nothing from Conrad and Belly. You’d moved your things out of your home shortly after and moved into college as early as you could. It has been good for you.

The first big milestone was when you didn’t go home for thanksgiving. All of the family would be at Cousins and you told your Mom you couldn’t make it. The same again at Christmas. Eventually, a few months after, Laurel had stopped trying. She knew you needed your space, as much as she resented you for it. You’d kept in touch with Steven, and Jeremiah still spoke to you as much as he could. But none of them knew about Kylo. You weren’t ready for that yet. This was your son, you’d done it without them then and you could still do it without them. But he deserved to have them in his life. So, when Jeremiah had invited you to his graduation, you’d agreed.

It couldn’t be as bad as it was two years ago, right?

———

As soon as you arrive in Cousins, you stop at the hotel room that you’d booked for the two of you. Sure, you were okay with being here, but that didn’t mean you wanted to stay at the house.

You shoot Jeremiah a text to tell him you’re near and he tells you he’ll be waiting outside. You text Carmen to tell him you’re already considering turning back.

There was just something so strange about seeing these streets again, these houses, these places that held so many memories. And, as you near the water, the house that held more memories for you than anywhere in the world.

True to his word, as you pull up into the driveway, Jeremiah is waiting on the steps for you.

He hurries straight over to the car before you’ve even stepped out.

“Oh my god it’s so good to see you!” He grins, wrapping his arms around you tightly.

“You too Jere, I’ve missed you,” You squeeze him in return, “Thanks for inviting me.”

“Wh-“ His face drops a little when he catches sight of the seats in the back of your car, “Why do you have a-“

“Um, yeah,” You laugh a little, “I might’ve forgot to mention I was bringing a plus one.”

You open the side door to the back seats and unclamp the car seat from the chair, lifting it out.

“Jere, this is Kylo,” You let out a shaky breath, “My son.”

Jeremiah’s face drops, dumbfounded, “Oh m- I mean I- Congratulations! He looks exactly like you.”

You chuckle, “I’m sorry I didn’t mention him, I just didn’t know how to say it over a text.”

Jeremiah shakes his head, “Don’t apologise. Come on, nobody’s home, you can come inside.”

He takes your baby bag from you as you carry Kylo into the empty house, a flood of memories hitting you as you do. Nothing had changed here and yet everything had changed with you.

“Do you feel like you’re ready to see everyone?” Jeremiah asks, sitting down beside you on the couch.

“Not in the slightest,” You shake your head, “But I can’t wait any longer.”

“You’re right,” Jeremiah nods, “From what I’ve heard, they’re all just ready for you to come home.”

You smile, lifting Kylo out of his seat, “I’m ready for him to have a family too.”

Jeremiah wraps an arm around your shoulder and squeezes.

“Oh shit, I think that might be their-“ He stops himself, “Yeah, that’s them. Are you okay?”

You take a deep breath and shift your position on the couch, “I’m okay.”

You were far from it. You were sure your mind was racing a million miles a minute, and every muscle in your body was tense. You were sure Kylo could feel it too, whinging in your arms. Part of you wanted to run, but you’d done enough of that two years ago. Not anymore.

“Hey, Jere, who the hell is parked in the-“ It’s Steven’s voice first, “Oh my fucking god!”

He runs into the lounge and freezes instantly, his eyes widening, his mouth agape.

“Hey Steven,” You smile, standing up from the couch.

“You- uh- you…”

Your Mom, Belly and Susannah walk in shortly after, all of them stopping just as your brother had.

“(Y/n)…” Belly looks at you like you’re a piece she’s been missing, “It’s so good to see you.”

“Is this…” Laurel looks down at the boy in your arms.

“This is Kylo, my son,” You look up at her, “Your grandson.”

Her face both lifts and falls at the same time, unsure of what to say.

“Can I?” Laurel asks you, looking down at him, and back to you.

“Of course,” You hand him over, fixing his head into her arms.

Laurel gasps at the contact, smiling gently down at the boy as her eyes fill with tears.

“I’m-“ You clear your throat, no apologies, “I know it’s been a while. But a lot has changed, and I want you to be a part of his life. I want him to have his family.”

Belly steps forward and stretches her arms out to you, stepping once more to engulf you in her arms, her head burying on your shoulder.

“I’m so glad you’re back,” She whispers, sobbing a little into your neck as she tightens her grip.

You smile and hug her just as tightly back, “Me too. I’ve missed you.”

“Alright alright don’t leave me out,” Steven groans, squashing both of you in a hug of his own, towering taller than both of you now.

Belly pulls back and sniffs and you lift your hands to her cheeks, wiping her eyes.

“We’re okay, okay?” You nod at her, the same phrase you used to tell her when the two of you ever argued as kids.

Belly nods, squeezing your hands, “Okay.”

“Oh honey,” Laurel passes Kylo to Susannah who takes him with a bright smile, before your Mom turns to you, “I don’t even know what to say. I had no idea that you… I mean I didn’t even… I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”

You shake your head, “It was me too. We both needed the space, right? We all did.”

She shakes her head too, “I’m just so sorry, I should’ve been there.”

You smile, “You’re here now.”

She steps forward and hugs you too, feeling so much smaller against you than she ever did before, perhaps you just feeling taller.

“You’re a Mom,” Her voice breaks against you, “I’m a Grandma.”

You chuckle and step back from her, “So much to catch you up on.”

Susannah hands Kylo over to Belly as he gets passed around to the waiting arms and she wraps you in a hug of your own, whispering something about how this family had missed you and it hadn’t been the same without you there.

But there was still one piece missing.

You sit down on the couch and Laurel and Susannah sit on either side of you. Belly, Jere and Steven all sit on the coffee table across from you as if they can’t possibly be too far away from you.

“I can’t believe you’re back in Cousins,” Belly smiles, “This is surreal.”

You chuckle, “Yeah, it’s weird. I just couldn’t miss watching Jere graduate.”

He grins, “I’m just glad you accepted the offer.”

Belly passes Kylo over to Steven who holds him as if he’s the most fragile object in the world.

You laugh a little at the sight, pulling out your phone and snapping a photo of the pair. You’d send it to Carmen later - a little sign of ‘hey, my family haven’t completely disowned me’.

“Okay, I have to ask the questions,” Laurel squeezes your arm, “How did this happen?”

“Well, Kylo was born about two months ago. I was dating a boy called Carmen in my first year of college, possibly the nicest guy ever but we realised we were better as friends. And a bit later I found out I was pregnant. He was there the whole time, don’t worry, and we’re surprisingly really good at co-parenting,” You explain, “I know it’s not conventional but, god, I think I was made to be a Mom.”

Steven laughs, “Yeah you got that from raising us three idiots,” He glances to Jere and Belly.

You grin. You’d never considered that when you were growing up. That mothering those three, losing so much of your childhood. It was setting you up for this. For mothering your own child, for bringing him up in your own way.

“He’s a pretty chill baby too,” You comment, “Like sleeps through the night, only wakes up once for a bottle. He even sits into some of my classes.”

“You’re still carrying on with college?” Laurel looks at you slightly shocked.

“Of course, I’ll just graduate with a toddler on my hip,” You beam down at your son in Steven’s arms, “I don’t need to lose my life because I’m taking care of him.”

Laurel looks at you with tears in her eyes before dropping her head to rest on your shoulder, like she’s trying to keep as close to you as she can. You don’t tense under her touch.

———

Later in the day, Jere, Belly and Steven have gone to the store for supplies and Susannah is setting up some bits for Jere’s graduation.

“Hey, do you need any help with anything?” You ask Laurel as she walks into the kitchen, “Kylo’s just had his bottle so I’m free if you need me to help.”

He’s strapped in a wrap to your chest napping against you.

“Oh god no you relax, we don’t need you to help,” Laurel encourages, “Sit down or something.”

“Come on Mom, I can help. What do you want me to do?”

She looks at you and sighs, “I think I spent 18 years asking you to do far too much, maybe I need to be making up for that.”

You clear your throat, “I don’t think that’s how it works.”

“I know, I know it’s not,” She shakes her head, “I just… I don’t even feel like you’re my daughter anymore. You’re so grown up, it’s like… you’re too much of an adult to be mine.”

You nod, “Yeah, well, a lot changed.”

“I hate that things got to the point where you felt you had to leave. I mean, I know everything happened with Belly and Conrad but I was just as much to blame, wasn’t I?”

You run your hand over the wrap across your chest where Kylo lay, “I never got a chance to be a kid, Mom. Not properly. It felt like my whole life Id been running one step ahead of them all so that I could catch them before they fell, shaping my whole life around making sure that they were in line and okay and that I was doing enough for you and for them but also making sure my whole life was perfect so that you weren’t disappointed and… it was draining.”

Laurel looks at you with a pained expression, her shoulders dropping with the weight of realisation.

“I went to college to get away from every shitty feeling that all of that gave me. I got away to finally be my own person, for once in my life just think about me,” You smile, “And it was good for me. I healed. I went to a therapist, I cried, I figured out my shit. I’m a different person now but I’ll always be your daughter. And I want Kylo to have his grandma.”

“I want that too,” Laurel beams, “(Y/n) I… I know I never know how to say these things but I’m so proud of you, honestly.”

Before you can respond, the front door clicks open and your head whips around quickly, expectant of who could be walking through.

“He’s at work,” Laurel comforts you, “He’ll be back tonight.”

“I-“

“I’m still your Mom, I know these things.”

You laugh in response as the other three all come into the kitchen, carrying bags of groceries.

“Oooh here Kylo I got you a present,” Steven rummages through the bags to find what he was looking for and eventually pulls out a small brown teddy bear, “Just securing my spot as favourite uncle.”

You grin, taking the bear, “Thank you Uncle Steven.”

“Oooh, we’ve got the beer in the trunk,” Jeremiah reminds him.

“Shit, yeah, we’ll be right back!” Steven says and both of them hurry back out.

“Beer?” You raise your brows at Belly.

She laughs, looking down at the bags, “Yeah, Steven managed to get a fake.”

“Of course he did,” You shake your head, “Want some help unpacking?”

“No, no, I got it,” She encourages, “You’ve got your hands full.”

You wiggle both of your hands in front of her, “The perks of this thing is that both of my hands are free, Bels. Don’t tread on eggshells around me, honestly.”

“Okay, this one is light,” She pushes one bag towards you.

Both of you potter about in silence putting away their food and it’s as if neither of you wants to break the comfortable quiet. This was the most time you’d spent together in two years, and you felt like strangers to each other.

“So, how’s everything going with you?” You ask her, turning back to the kitchen island.

“I’m good,” She nods, “I’m not…” Belly clears her throat, “I’m not seeing anyone.”

You laugh, “Did you not know how to tell me?”

She smiles and hits your arm, “It’s awkward, okay?”

You chuckle at your sister, somehow catching such a glimpse of yourself in her expression.

“We actually… me and Conrad… we ended things not long after you left,” Belly clears her throat, “It was for the best.”

“Bels I didn’t…”

“Don’t worry, it wasn’t because of you. I just think Conrad never really knew what he wanted, and maybe I didn’t either. I thought I was in love with that boy since I could remember, but I don’t think that was love. It was just the idea of him.”

You nod, “Well, younger Belly would probably thank you for figuring that out. But, tell me, is there anyone new on the scene?”

Before she can respond, the boys come tumbling in the front door again and you watch her eyes follow Jeremiah as he moves towards you both. There’s a brightness in them, one you’d only seen in your own when you were with Conrad. That was the feeling she was looking for.

“Jeremiah?!” You mouth to her and Belly widens her eyes at you in warning to not say anything more.

You raise your hands in surrender but give her a somewhat approving look, one that makes her cheeks ignite.

This was a pocket of home that you’d missed. One you didn’t realise you needed. Your siblings, this house, your family. It would always be important to you. And something about it felt even more magical now that you got to experience it with Kylo.

———

You find yourself focused on the sound of the door as if you can wish it to come sooner. Though you’re not sure why. You want to see him but you have no idea what to say to him. You have so much to tell him but you’re not even sure he’ll want to see you. Did he still hate you? Had he ever hated you? Would he hate you for not being here, for leaving?

You busy yourself with fixing the blanket in Kylo’s car seat. Jere and Steven had just gone to collect your stuff from the hotel - you’d agreed to stay at the house now.

And then it goes.

The sound of keys in the door, the door closing behind a familiar pair of feet. Rushed steps up the stairs, a left turn until they’re coming towards you.

And then your bedroom door opens, and a single figure stands in the doorway, slightly breathless.

“I saw your car on the drive.”

You stop in your tracks, the car seat behind your legs.

“I saw your car in the drive and I-“ Conrad begins again, “You’re home.”

You don’t have a chance to respond as he strides over and hugs you as if you’re a lifeline. His head buries into you and his arms around you as if he’s been needing you for years. His eyes are closed against you and you feel him inhale as if your presence had knocked every breath from his lungs.

And for a moment you’re frozen.

Until your arms kick into gear and they throw themselves around him too, holding him just as tight like you’re the only things holding each other up.

You feel him shift against you, that sort of shocked pause.

“(Y/n)…” His voice is quiet as he pulls away from you, “Is this…”

You step to the side to let him go past you as Conrad crouches down to the floor, his whole body cautious.

“This is Kylo.”

“Kylo,” Conrad grins, “You always said that’s the name you wanted for a boy. Do you remember? When we went to the boardwalk and there was that name on the-“

“The leaderboard for the go karts,” You grin, “I can’t believe you remembered that.”

“I can’t believe you did too, you stuck to your word,” He smiles, talking softly as if he doesn’t want to disturb the tiny bundle looking up at him.

Conrad’s fingers are at either side of the car seat and Kylo reaches up to grip onto his thumb. Con laughs like a sort of gasp, as if it is choked in his throat.

“I’m so happy you’re here,” He half-whispers the words and you’re not sure at first if it’s to you or to the boy in front of him.

But you settle on it being both.

Conrad looks back at you and breaks into an even wider grin, standing back up, “Can you just… tell me everything.”

He sits himself down on your bed and you sit down beside him. And this is it. This the final bit of home you were waiting on.

You and Conrad. Him and you. The piece you’d been waiting for.

———

The following morning, you’re up early with Kylo. You carry him downstairs and go about fixing up a bottle for him, the two of you resting on the couch whilst he drinks.

There’s a text from Carmen on your phone.

Hope they don’t hate you too much x

You shoot back a quick response of reassurance and send him a photo of Kylo smiling at you from last night.

Just as Kylo finishes his bottle, there’s a sound from the stairs creaking as someone comes down.

“Morning,” It’s Conrad, dragging a hand over his eyes as he does.

“Hey,” You return softly, “Why are you up so early?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” He grumbles, still in a half asleep state.

He drops down onto the couch next to you and smiles at Kylo, reaching out a finger to tickle his chest.

“Hey, could you do me a favor?” You ask him, “I need to change his diaper but the bag’s upstairs.”

“Yeah sure, what’s it look like?”

“It’s a black one, not the one with the handle but with the straps, and it’s like-“ You pause as you notice him watching you more and more confused, blinking at your explanation, “Okay, I’ll get the bag. Can you just watch him for a second?”

“That’s much easier,” Conrad grins and shifts on the couch so that he can hold the baby in his arms.

You stand up and head towards the door, hurrying upstairs to find the bag.

When you come back down, Conrad has Kylo stretched across his legs, his little feet hitting Conrad’s stomach and his head resting against his knees. He’s smiling down at him and Kylo grins tiredly up, giggling when Conrad tickles under his arms.

“You’re a natural,” You grin, coming down to sit beside him.

He looks up at you and raises his brows, “You think?”

“Well, he seems to like you,” You point out, not wanting to disturb the moment between them.

Conrad wiggles his hands beneath Kylo’s head and lifts him up, looking at you, “Where do you want me to put him?”

You snap back into reality, “Oh, right, yeah I’ve got a mat.”

He lowers the baby down onto it and then looks at you like he’s awaiting further instruction, “Come on, tell me what to do.”

“You want to change his diaper?” You laugh, “I can do it.”

“I’ve never done one before. I want to learn.”

“Alright, here,” You hand him over the wipes and a fresh diaper.

He’s far too slow when he starts and Kylo starts to wriggle on the mat, impatient of course.

“Does this thing not stay still?” Conrad grumbles, tongue between his lips as he concentrates on the task, his face grimacing just a little at the state of the dirty diaper.

“Put that one in here,” You hold out a diaper bag for him to dispose of it, “Alright, now wipe and new diaper. But make sure he’s covered - he’s a boy so that stuff can go everywhere.”

Conrad’s eyes widen as he takes your instruction, fixing the new diaper on - just a little wonky.

“There we go, fresh as a daisy,” He grins proudly at his accomplishment, “I think I could be pretty good at this.”

“Well that’s task two - making him laugh being task one,” You nod, “Not bad, Fisher.”

He lifts him back up onto the couch and lays him down beside you, Conrad sitting on the floor just in front of him like he’s already prepared to catch him.

He lets Kylo grab at the end of his hoodie, laughing at him before he turns to you.

“So, how does it all work? Are you… with someone?”

You shake your head, “We split up before I found out I was pregnant. But we’re really good friends, so it works. He helps out a lot.”

Conrad nods, “Well that sounds healthy.”

“What can I say? I’m mature now,” You joke.

“I think you always were,” He scoffs, “Especially compared to the rest of us.”

Both of you fall silent again and Kylo fills the space by gargling in some form of baby talk.

“What about you?” You clear your throat, drawing your legs to your chest on the couch, “Are you seeing anyone Mr Stanford?”

He scoffs, looking down at his hands, “No, no, I think I needed to stay away from all that for a little while. Clear my head.”

“And did you find anything in that clarity?” You taunt, yearning for the same connection the two of you had so long ago.

He looks at you for a second and pauses, “I guess I finally figured out what I want.”

For a brief moment you’re drawn to him, something in those eyes and that voice. But you tear yourself away.

“Well I’m glad the break was worth it,” You smile, looking away from him, “Sometimes that’s all that you need.”

You look down at your son and feel the same swell of pride you had when they first handed him to you in the delivery room. The same realisation that this was it now - this was everything.

“You know this place changed when you left,” Conrad comments, “And it’s changed again now you’re back.”

“Yeah, well, I always had that effect,” You wiggle your brows jokingly, lifting Kylo up from the couch to rest him on your lap.

Conrad pushes himself up to sit on the couch beside you and both of you fall silent in the seemingly empty house. He watches you with Kylo and is sure for a second that he’s looking at someone else. But it’s you. The one that was always made for this.

“I’m sorry if I-“

“I’m sorry if I-“

You both speak at the same time and look at each other with hints of smiles.

“You first,” Conrad encourages.

You take a deep breath, “I’m sorry if I made you feel like you couldn’t be with Belly. She told me you guys ended things not long after and I just hate thinking that I was… I don’t know, that I ruined things,” You shake your head, “I know it was forever ago.”

“You didnt ruin anything. Me and Belly… we… I think I always knew that she liked me. And I just, I hated the thought of breaking her heart. Like it would be my fault if I didn’t feel the same. And that night, I don’t know what it was, I just convinced myself that I could feel the same as she did,” He takes a deep breath too, like both of you are fighting for air against tightened chests, “But we’re must better as friends, we both know that. And I’d never… I never did… feel that way about her. I was just confused.”

You nod, “Now you go.”

“I’n sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren’t good enough,” Conrad exhales, “Because I know that’s how you felt, and I never ever wanted you to think like that.”

“Con…”

“Im serious (Y/n),” He shifts in his seat so that he’s facing you properly, “I was younger and naive and I knew that I liked you and I just… suppressed it. Because I knew if I started anything with you then I’d want that to be it, and I wasn’t ready for you to break my heart.”

You laugh a little, your eyes pricking just slightly with tears, “You think I’m a heartbreaker, Fisher?”

Conrad smiles, his cheeks flushed a little, his muscles visibly relaxed from what they were. He’d missed this. You, the way you knew him, the way you read him. He’d missed it all.

———

“We’ll watch him, you can go and shower,” Belly assures you, “And I’ll make sure Steven doesn’t do anything stupid.”

You’d spent the day in and around the pool with Belly, Steven and Jeremiah whilst Conrad had gone to work. They’d bought a float for Kylo at the store and were all impatient to use it - taking a thousand photos of him with his hat on laying back in the float.

“Alright, well just shout me if there’s anything,” You encourage, “I’ll just use-“

“(Y/n),” Steven says in a calm tone, “Relax, we’ve got him, I promise.”

You nod and step off of the lounger you’d been on, walking around the side of the house to where the outdoor shower still stood.

This place. It held memories you’d wanted to forget.

Before you step in, your phone starts ringing and you glance down to see Carmen’s contact on your screen, you accept the call and press the speaker button on your phone.

“Hey (y/l/n), how’s it going?” He says as soon as you pick up.

“It’s going well, yeah,” You turn back around to the garden where Belly was holding Kylo in her arms, “They’re all so excited to meet him.”

“Do they know about his super cool, super helpful, super present Dad yet?” Carmen taunts.

“They do,” You chuckle into the microphone, “They’re glad I haven’t been doing it on my own.”

“Yeah, well, they would’ve known that if they tried-“

“Carmen,” You sigh, “Less hating them, yeah? It’s going well.”

“Okay, you’re right, but I’m still not their biggest fans,” He comments, “What about the long lost love of your life?”

“Oh my god will you stop?” You widen your eyes at his words.

“Come on, I know that’s who you were most nervous to see,” He returns, “How’s it been? Do you still… you know, feel that way about him?”

“I-“ You glance down at the exact spot you’d been stood in two years ago, when you’d told Conrad the truth, “It’s Conrad, you know? He makes me laugh and he listens to me and he feels like… it feels like the piece of me that I’ve been missing.”

Carmen laughs, “And I’m guessing you haven’t told him that.”

“I already ruined things with that boy once, I can’t do it again.”

“Ruin things? (Y/l/n) I think you’d be telling him what he’s been waiting to hear for two years.”

Before you can say anything, the sound of a twig snapping behind you makes you jump from your thoughts and you turn around to see Conrad stood just metres from you.

“Um, Carmen, I have to go,” You stumble over your words into the microphone, “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Wear protection!” He yells down the phone before you hang up, your cheeks flushing bright red as you look back at Conrad.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to-“ Conrad mumbles, scratching at the back of his neck, “I just got back from work.”

“Right, yeah, of course, how- how was it?”

“Good,” Conrad nods, stuffing his hands into his pockets, “I didn’t mean to listen in, or anything. I just… I don’t even normally walk this way, I don’t know why I did but I thought I could hear people and so I thought maybe you were outside, not that I was looking for you, but well I was-“

“Con,” You interrupt, “It’s okay.”

He smiles, taking a second to breathe, “That was Carmen?”

You look down at your phone in your hand, “Yeah, just calling to check how I’m getting on. It’s the first time he’s been away from Kylo too.”

Conrad nods in understanding, “Yeah, of course, I bet that’s weird for him.”

“Yeah I don’t think I could ever leave Ky now, it’s a parent thing, I guess,” You scratch at a patch on your arm as the nerves seem to overtake you, “I should probably… you know, I need to shower before tonight and I-“

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll let you get on,” Conrad raises his hands and goes to step past you as you step into the booth of the shower.

You don’t make any move after that, thinking of every single thing you could’ve just said to him. How two years ago every word came to you all at once and, now, you can’t find a single right word to say. You feel your bottom lip tremble just slightly at the thought of everything you could’ve just told him but you shake it off.

“Hey, (Y/n),” Conrad’s voice speaks from the exact spot you’d just left him in, “What did he want you to tell me?”

You feel every bone in your body freeze at those words, practically sending a shiver down your spine. Your hands go numb, your eyes glazing over, your throat seemingly closing off any words.

As you turn around back to the entrance of the shower, there he is. Stood on the path with a look of hope in his eyes that you thought you’d never see again from Conrad.

“What did he want you to say?” He persists, eyes burning into you.

You exhale deeply, the tension in your shoulders dropping as if you’ve lost hope, “That I never should’ve walked away from you that night. And I hate myself every day for not fighting for you more, for not standing there and telling you that I’d wait for you. I’d wait for you in every life if that’s what it took for you to realise that you loved me. And I know I shouldn’t and I know it’s different now because I have a son and that’s complicated and you don’t have to want that or feel like you have to-“

He strides forward then, his hands coming up to cup either side of your face, his lips crashing into yours as if they’re returning home for the first time in forever. It’s messy and rushed and heated but neither of you care, both relaxing into a feeling you never thought you’d feel. Your hands grip at the material of his t-shirt like you’re convincing yourself that he’s real. And he is. It’s all real.

Your lips pull away first, rushing to catch every ounce of breath that had just been knocked from your lungs.

“I’d wait for you, (y/n). In this life, the next and the next after that, I’d wait for you too,” Conrad confirms, his eyes searching in both of yours, “This is it, okay? This is what I want, it’s what I’ve always wanted.”

You let out a laugh, somewhere verging on a sob as every emotion of every missed day seems to come out of you, “We’ve waited long enough, don’t you think?”

Conrad smiles, his hand moving to your chin to pull you into his lips once more.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to do that,” He mumbles just millimetres from your lips.

“I think I have some idea,” You return with a smile, kissing him quickly.

This was it. In this life, the next one and the one after that - this was where you could be truly happy.

#tsitp #the summer i turned pretty #conrad fisher #conrad x reader #conrad x you #conrad x y/n #conrad imagine #conrad one shot #conrad drabble #conrad blurb #conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher x you #conrad fisher x y/n #tsitp imagine #tsitp one shot #tsitp drabble #tsitp blurb #tsitp request

[chelseeebe]

come pick me up.

part one to do you think i have forgotten (about you)

summary: it had always been you and eddie. but one night and a whole lotta unexplored feelings leave you both reeling and you’re not sure if it ever really was you and eddie.

a/n: ermm this is so so long i’m so sorry already LOL i’ve had it in the drafts for so long but i reread it n rlly liked it so i wanna post hehe! side note: there are ZERO pictures of eddie not in that fuckin hellfire shirt D: i can’t have a grown man wearing that now …

loosely based off of the cook/freddie/effy storyline from skins uk if you’ve seen it you’ll know.,,, they’re like in their early twenties n it’s set sometime in the 90s ish tho it’s not rlly mentioned

no use of y/n! smut, 18+. this is more so stevexreader than eddie but they do have a relationship of sorts n it’s a lil’ complicated.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ❤︎ ❤︎ ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

the sound of a high pitched alarm screaming jolts you awake. still partially in last nights clothes, the grubby feel of makeup on your face. leg slung over eddie’s torso.

you groan, shoving his arm as he’s still very much asleep, ‘shut up,’ grimacing as the noise continues.

he mumbles something, wildly slapping his arm about to turn off the damn thing.

you run a hand over your face, remnants of your black eyeliner on your hand. that horrid taste in your mouth only found after a night of drinking. which seemed to be just about every night at the moment.

‘why’d you set an alarm, you freak?’ rolling over onto your stomach, perched on your elbows, watching as his eyes slowly open, obviously feeling as shit as you did.

‘i have- had class, you freak,’ he grumbles, looking up at you from the pillow, curly hair fanned out around him.

you scoff, ‘like you were gonna go,’ attempting to rub the rest of your mascara off, sure you looked similar to a wild raccoon.

he hums in response, shuffling under the covers to tangle his leg with your yours, ‘you gonna sort this out for me?’ referring to the obvious morning glory tenting the blanket.

‘you gonna ask nicely?’ you respond, snarling at his crudeness.

whatever he was about to say was interrupted with a knock at the door, ‘we’re coming in, you have five seconds to not be naked,’ robin’s voice echoes.

you look up as robin walks into the room, hand over her eyes until steve gives her a small nudge, indicating the coast is clear, ‘oh good-,’ she sniffs, ‘it smells like weed and sex in here, you’re fucking disgusting.’

‘thanks for reminding me,’ eddie leans over, retrieving the half-smoked spliff from last night and lighting the end.

steve’s eyes are firmly on yours, kinda sad and defeated. he had that same look on his face whenever you and eddie were together, which was often.

you’d sort of always had this.. thing with steve. encapsulated by his presence. there was always something unspoken between you and you were never sure if it was because he hated you or not. small glances and touches that seemed to linger just a bit too long.

you’d sorta taken his best friend from him at one point, coming between their friendship suddenly and with no warning.

steve was intrigued by you too. this mystical, unobtainable persona you presented to the world. something he couldn’t crack. just couldn’t quite understand it.

‘we’re getting breakfast, i was going to ask if you wanted to join but i assume that won’t be happening,’ she raises her eyebrows, noticing your severely hungover state.

they liked to party too, just clearly not as much as you and eddie. both of you had no understanding of when to call it a night, egging each other on til the point of no return.

‘i think we’ll give that a miss,’ eddie’s answers for the both of you. steve’s eyes immediately look down, suddenly interesting in the burn marks in eddie’s carpet.

you’d actually met steve first, on the first day of classes in freshmen year. you went over to a sheepish steve, who looked slightly scared, and obviously lost. offering him the directions to his room.

he’d smiled back, introducing himself to you on the way. appreciative of your kindness. you probably wouldn’t have helped if he didn’t look like that, but still, it was nice.

that’s when eddie had bounded over, all hair and denim. loudly taking over your conversation, introducing himself with a smirk, hand already creeping onto your lower back. that’s when steve had nodded towards him and informed you of their already established friendship.

you weren’t really sure when it became you and eddie. well, it wasn’t. not officially. god, you didn’t want official. he was fun to fuck and even better to party with. maybe the fact he dealt had been a factor in solidifying your strange relationship. maybe not.

robin rolls her eyes, ‘right, well you boring fucks can rot in bed all day, suit yourselves,’ ushering steve out of the door, slamming it behind her.

you blink, hating this awful, guilty feeling steve always left in your stomach. you’d tear a guy like him to shreds, maybe it was for the best.

whatever self-wallowing, steve-centric thoughts you had are interrupted when eddie’s arm snakes around your back, pulling you onto him.

‘i still need a little assistance here,’ he grins from beneath you, running his hand down your back, firmly grasping your exposed ass as you clamber on top properly.

you try your damn hardest to push the reflecting image of steve from your mind. though it doesn’t quite work until eddie’s calloused palm softly taps against your cheek, ‘anyone in there?’

you frown, returning the playful slap as you grind mindlessly against him, his fingers digging into the pliant skin of your ass.

‘you can do that again.’

-

eddie hadn’t shut up about his birthday for weeks. you’d all planned to go to the same bar you went to most weekends, except this time everyone had to go and he got to be centre of attention.

he’d been pissing you off all night. obviously far too drunk, jaw clenching from the copious amounts of shit he’d sniffed. hanging from your shoulder, speaking over you and splashing beer down your top as he slurred through his words.

‘i think we’re gonna head home,’ steve speaks up when you exit the bar, eddie already looking for the next place.

‘whaat? you’re fucking boring,’ he pokes a finger into steve’s chest, far too intoxicated, ‘you’re staying out, right?’ he looks over to jonathan, argyle and nancy who also shared an apartment not far from yours.

‘nah man.. it’s late, it’s been fun though,’ jonathan shrugs as nancy finds a taxi to take them home.

‘fuuuck you guys are really ditching me on my birthday? at least you won’t let me down,’ his arm hooks around your shoulder, yanking you into him.

you pull back, which wasn’t particularly hard in his state, ‘get off of me.. can i get a ride with you?’ looking over at steve, his hands cautiously poking out of his pockets.

he nods sheepishly as eddie practically erupts, ‘it’s my fucking birthday, and you fucking losers are going home?’ he’s screeching, throwing his arms around, making a royal scene in the middle of the street.

robin finds a cab willing to take the group of you home, calling you over to the yellow vehicle, ‘eddie let’s just go home, it’s late,’ attempting to coax him into going with you. you’d deal with his shit in the privacy of his bedroom.

he laughs, turning away from you and walking up the dimly lit street, ‘you.. you can get fucked,’ he slurs, disappearing into a nearby bar.

steve stands at the cab door, watching as you frown at eddie’s back. internally deciding whether to give in and follow him or to leave like you’d originally planned.

you let out an exasperated sigh, ‘he can go fuck himself,’ you spit as you slide into the back of the cab. steve follows, shutting the door behind him, flashing you a small cautious look as the cab pulls off.

-

you collapse onto the sofa the second you set foot in the apartment. completely at your wits end with eddie and his the way he spoke to you.

‘i’m going to bed,’ robin announces, slinking into her own room, leaving steve to awkwardly linger in the living room.

you didn’t want to worry about eddie. he was a grown man who could definitely handle his own. besides, why should you when he’d explicitly told you to fuck off?

steve clears his throat before taking the empty seat beside you, ‘he didn’t mean it.. it’s just drunk talking,’ he nods, attempting to reassure you.

it wasn’t as if you were really upset about it all. more so annoyed that you’d let him treat you that way. continually. over and over again.

whatever the fuck was going on between the two of you had started to wear thin. there were only so many times you could put up with his shit before it got tired.

eddie could be a horrible drunk. it wasn’t often but when that version of him came out you’d prefer to be far far from it. he was cruel with his words, venomous as they rolled off his tongue. then you’d get into a screaming match and then either end up hate-fucking or you’d just both never bring it up again.

‘no, he did,’ you sigh, kicking the shoes from your feet with a thud, ‘i don’t care.. really.’

‘right,’ he nods, not totally believing you, ‘y’wanna smoke?’

a small smile creeps onto your face as he reaches for the small black box eddie kept on the table, pulling out a small baggie of weed, something eddie definitely wouldn’t miss. he didn’t even need your reply, beginning to roll up.

-

perhaps you’d smoked a little too much, sputtering on the final toke of your second or third spliff before handing it back to steve. he sits on the other side, an awful lot closer than he’d been originally.

it was quiet, but comfortable. not awkward at all.

‘y’know..’ he speaks up, looking over at you, ‘actually.. nah,’ changing his mind almost immediately.

‘no.. what? what were you gonna say?’ you furrow your brows, vision hazy, the room full of grey smoke.

he sort of chuckles to himself, stubbing the end of the joint out in the glass ashtray before looking at you again, ‘it’s stupid,’ he warns.

‘even better.. tell me,’ you nod, encouraging him to go on.

he pauses for a moment, a tiny smile on his pink lips, ‘i always thought.. well, that you and me were gonna end up together, i thought you liked me for the longest time,’ shaking his head as he looks down.

your heart thuds. a mixture of your high and the unidentifiable emotion coursing through your veins. there was no questions to being with eddie. it was simple, sex and parties. no complicated feelings involved.

but within a second, steve had completely changed everything. a feeling you’d suppressed since your situationship with eddie had started. completely convinced that the odd relationship you had with steve was just because you were banging his best friend.

‘i didn’t.. i didn’t know you felt like that..’ you manage to get out quietly, watching as he slowly stands up, he doesn’t look at you once. too ashamed, embarrassed that he’d just admitted everything to you so easily.

‘well, now you know,’ he says quietly before disappearing into his room.

you linger on the couch for a moment. unsure of what to think of anything he’d just said. whether you should knock on his door and tell him you’d felt the same or just go off to your own room and wait for eddie to crawl in.

it wasn’t as if you felt nothing at all for eddie. you did, of course. but you didn’t love him. not the way you maybe should’ve. not the way you felt about steve, his gentle nature and soft caramel tinted eyes.

you stand from the couch, feet taking control as you walk to his door. a small slither of orange light peaking from underneath. raising your fist to knock but stopping, arguing with yourself. this couldn’t be a good idea.

before you can even convince yourself to knock, the door opens. steve stands on the other side, his own chest heaving as your eyes meet.

‘i-,’ he croaks, but you cut him off with your lips, pulling back just as quickly as you’d moved forwards.

you stare at him for a few moments, swallowing all the courage you’d just worked up.

‘..now you know,’ giving him a meek smile before walking back to your room. you lean back against the door, heart beating a million miles an hour.

-

a repetitive banging sound forces you awake in the morning. hissing as the sounds of an extremely dramatic moan get louder. high-pitched and obviously put on.

it takes a moment for you to realise just where the noise is coming from. eddie’s room backs onto yours. the headboard colliding with the wall at an alarming pace.

you stumble out of bed, throwing on an old dirty sweater and groggily making your way into the living room.

steve sits slumped over the table, looking particularly miserable this morning. despite what had happened last night. you wondered if he’d told robin who sat scowling at the door. steam practically coming out of her ears.

her eyes widen as you appear in the doorway, rubbing the residual sleep from your eyes, eyes flitting between your frame and the wooden door.

‘well shit, i was about to cuss you out,’ she remarks, astonished that you were stood in front of her.

steve’s whole face brightens when he realises you’re stood in front of him and not in the room making those god-awful, oscar worthy noises.

‘if that’s not you.. who the fuck is in there?’ robin gasps, now utterly bemused by the entire situation.

you shrug, choosing the seat opposite steve, making brief eye contact and flashing him a small smile. would he bring up last night? or was it never to be spoken about again?

relief is written all over his face. obviously under the impression that you’d made up with eddie at some point in the night. not once checking that you were in your room.

‘jesus christ i’m gonna kill him,’ robin fumes, sipping on a mug of coffee. her eyes are narrowed, attempting to set the room ablaze with her mind.

‘it won’t last long,’ you add, reaching over to steal a slice of steve’s buttered toast. he lets you, obviously. letting out a soft snort at your joke.

‘nothing is that good,’ robin shakes her head.

the noises quieten, a shrill giggle coming from the hallway as a scantily clad blonde appears in the doorway, closely followed by eddie, sporting a pair of boxers that hid absolutely nothing.

‘that way,’ he groans, guiding the smiling woman away towards the bathroom. his eyes momentarily meeting yours, total venom behind his glare.

robin jumps up, splashing coffee over the floor, ‘don’t you dare think about fucking in my bathroom,’ she warns, chasing after the odd couple.

you can hear an altercation as presumably eddie slams the bathroom door on robin, her fists pounding against the wood, hollering about her new bath mat.

steve glances at you, searching your face for any type of reaction. he doesn't find anything, instead you smile softly as robin re-enters the room, cursing at the bastard freak. she grabs her bag, slinging it onto her shoulder before stomping over to the door.

'i'm going out, let me know when he's done with his weird exhibitionist routine,' slamming the door as she exits, the poorly built walls shaking as she does.

there's a faint sound of running water, obviously coming from the bathroom, closely followed by a series of questionable grunts and groans. you choose to try and block it out, though engaging in conversation with steve at this very moment seemed almost too awkward.

'did you tell robin?' you pipe up, playing with your fingernails as you just about meet his gaze.

'uh.. yeah,' he grimaces slightly, 'i-i just thought.. well i thought that was you this morning, i was.. confused,' apologetic for his blunder.

you nod, 'i don't care.. i just wanna prepare for the inevitable grilling i'm gonna get,' chuckling in an attempt to ease the tension. it works as his lips curl into a small, playing with the discarded crusts on his plate.

the god-awful noises from the bathroom worsen and your eyes are pulled from steve, looking towards the cause. perhaps this was eddie's way of making you jealous. revenge for choosing to go home and not put up with his drunken assholery.

-

you’re sat tracing patterns into the velvet fabric of the sofa, practically shaking as you wait for steve to get back from campus.

he was your friend for fuck sake. why was this so nerve wracking? ask him to hang out, if he says no then so be it. you’ll deal with the awkwardness of your shared kiss alongside eddie’s misguided anger.

he’s later than you’d expected. becoming far too engrossed in the random soap opera on the tv when he does eventually get back. almost forgetting about what you’d got yourself so worked up over.

‘hey,’ waving his fingers as he comes in.

christ, he almost seemed more nervous than you were.

‘hey,’ not wanting to jump down his throat the second he walked in the door, turning the tv off and running your palms down the sofa.

‘spoken to eddie?’ he asks curiously, slinging his bag from his shoulder and slumping down next to you on the couch.

‘nah.. he went out this morning and hasn’t been back,’ you shrug, wishing that he wouldn’t have just bought that prick up.

he nods, looking down at his jeans, finding a loose thread to play with.

‘would yo-,’

‘d’ya wanna-,’

you both start at the same time, stopping to let him continue except he’d done the same thing. sitting in the silence for a brief moment.

you chuckle nervously, ‘sorry, what were you saying?’

‘i was just gonna ask if you wanted to.. maybe do something tonight? if- if you’re not busy,’ shrugging it off, trying his hardest to play it cool.

‘oh,’ laughing softly, the pair of you were like nervy teenagers, comical, ‘i was gonna ask you the same thing.. yeah i’d love to.’

steve grins, transported back to freshman year of high school, trying to find the gall to ask tammy thompson to the fucking movies. it all seemed so childish, innocent, the way you melted around each other.

‘okay.. i’ll get changed, give me five,’ he nods, leaping from the sofa and speeding off to his room.

you bite down onto your bottom lip, trying to contain your smile. kicking yourself for the adolescent excitement it gave you.

-

the bar was packed for a wednesday night, steve shouldering his way through the crowd with you following closely behind. not brave enough to cling onto his hand, wrapping your fingers around his forearm instead.

‘jesus christ,’ he exclaims when he finds a spot just about big enough for you both to stand. you were close. closer than you’d ever been. at least in public.

you hold onto the glass bottle he’d passed you from the bar, ‘d’ya wanna go somewhere else?’

‘what?’ he shouts, the music too loud to hear you properly.

you lean in closer, lips brushing against his ear, the feeling makes your heart pound, ‘you wanna go somewhere else?’

placing his hand on your arm so he could shout back, the mixture of his cologne and beer filling your nose. it was intoxicating, making your head giddy.

‘i’m good if you are,’ wisps of his hair sweeping against your cheek.

you nod, beaming up at him as you take a swig of the harsh beer. the crowd seemingly disappearing from around you as his eyes focus on you, his own smile overcoming his face.

-

okay, perhaps you’d had a little too much to drink. but a little dutch confidence never hurt anyone.

you’re definitely not complaining when you grab his hand on the way out of the bar, quickly intertwining your fingers as he weaves his way to the door. still as packed as when you’d got there.

you giggle as he trips over the step coming into the bar, sending you flying into his back as he regains his balance.

his hand is quick to steady you, resting on your waist. the street light illuminating the gleam of his eyes, slightly glossy from the multiple beers he’d sunk inside.

a drunk student roars past you, snapping you out of the moment, steve’s hand still lingering on your waist. something that would’ve never happened if he were sober.

‘shall we go home?’ you ask, not breaking from his gaze.

he nods, moving his hand to offer it out for you to grab. leading you over to an empty cab, leaning through the front window to talk to the driver.

the drive home is heavy with tension. sitting in silence as steve makes polite conversation with the driver, fingers still wrapped around yours. heart thumping as you near your street.

the apartment dark and silent when you get in, the only light coming from the old fairy lights robin had hung around the room. there’s no hesitation, your hands grabbing his cheeks, smashing your lips to his the second the front door closes.

it takes a moment for him to realise what was happening, hands quickly finding solace on the small of your back when it clicks properly. it’s greedy and desperate, tongue sliding into his mouth, wanting to touch every inch of him.

hands sliding down his chest, grabbing at the fabric, his leg slotting between yours, guiding you backwards. straight into the coffee table with a bang.

you spring apart, eyeing eddie’s room cautiously, saying a silent prayer and hoping he didn’t come out.

steve’s eager to resume, eyes hungry as they flit between eddie’s door and your face.

you pull back completely, taking your lip between your teeth and hooking your finger around his pinky, leading the way to his bedroom. it was the furthest away from eddie’s and made the most sense.

he shuts the door gently, flicking the small bedside lamp on, illuminating the obvious tent in his jeans. your mouth falling open at the sight of it, rubbing your thighs together to try and satiate the growing throbbing.

you’re quick to resume the kiss, moving on him swiftly, connecting your lips in a passionate kiss. he collapses backwards onto the bed, your body falling on top of his chest, hands caressing his cheeks.

the next moment you find yourself underneath steve, pressed into the mattress as he holds himself above you. eager hands finding the short hem of your skirt and sliding underneath on the soft skin of your thighs. you had never seen him move with such confidence before, normally a little shy in the way he carried himself.

his finger hooks into the waistband of your lacy panties, tugging them down to your thighs. his growing erection digging into your core with every movement. moaning into his mouth when his finger begins circling your sensitive clit. this had definitely killed any and all assumptions that he was a virgin.

it’s as if he had been waiting for this very moment for his entire life, sliding his fingers between your folds and into your already soaking hole, your mouth falling from his as your head rolls back onto the pillow.

‘oh my god,’ a breathy moan escaping from your lips as his fingers pump in and out, his other hand causing a dip in the pillow next to your head.

his fingers slip out of you and begin to unbuckle his belt, barely getting them down and around his legs before his cock springs up. bigger than you ever could’ve imagined, mouth hung open as your peer down between your bodies.

your shirt is pulled off over your head so quickly you weren’t sure if you had blinked, landing on the floor alongside his with a soft thunk.

you draw your eyes back up to meet his once more, ‘you’re sure?’ he reaffirms, pupils dilated, wetting his lips with his pink tongue.

‘so sure,’ nodding encouragingly underneath him, readjusting your legs to loosely wrap around his torso. you’d never been more sure of anything in your life.

he returns the nod, positioning himself at your sopping entrance and without breaking eye contact he slides in with a sharp intake of breath. you can’t contain the whimper that collects in your throat, the stretch of his cock taking you by surprise. the sting felt good, like he was always supposed to be there between your legs.

he’s still, waiting for your encouragement to move. you give it in the form of a squeeze on the back of his neck, clinging on to the skin as his hips move slowly. low, hungry grunts roll from his lips, the bed frame creaking in time with his thrusts.

‘fuck,’ you breathe out, taking your bottom lip between your teeth acutely aware that eddie was only a few doors away and could definitely hear the happenings in the room. even if you could manage to stifle yourself, the undeniable sounds of skin against skin would expose you.

‘is that- is that good?’ steve mumbles, moving slow but hitting deep, nudging against your soft spot, already hurtling you towards your orgasm.

‘jesus christ.. yes, yes,’ beginning to buck your hips back against him, feeling the familiar knot in your stomach. finger nails leaving crescent moon shapes in his skin as tears prick in your eyes.

steve groans as his heavy balls slap against the back of your thighs, pushing himself fully inside, ‘i’m not.. hmph.. not gonna last long,’ arm beginning to buckle with the weight of him.

you clench around him as your high topples over at his words, burying your face into the pillow next to you. unable to withhold the high pitched wail from leaving your mouth, barely managing to muffle the sound.

his rhythm falters, hips slamming into yours for the last few desperate pumps before he pulls himself out. thick ropes of cum spurting out and onto his hand. and the bed. and your thigh. crying out as his chest heaves above you.

‘holy shit,’ his arm gives way and he ends up next to you on the mattress, panting for air as he reaches for a dirty shirt on the floor, using the first thing he could find to clean off his hand.

you turn your head to face him, a lazy smile on your face as he offers the shirt out to you, mouthing a small sorry.

he throws it to the other side of the room, running a hand over his damp face, ‘i uh.. i last way longer normally,’ bashful and doubting his performance. it was only because it was you.

‘steve,’ you smile, grabbing his blanket to pull over your body, ‘don’t do that,’ seeing the shy boy from once before, you much preferred the steve from earlier.. confident and sure of himself.

‘yeah.. sorry,’ his lips curling into a soft smile, turning his body towards yours, arm snaking out to pull you closer, clammy palm resting on the small of your back.

you giggle quietly in response, settling in to your new position, sharing the blanket with him.

your eyes don’t leave each other’s as he begins to babble about something from the bar, clinging onto your skin as if you were somehow going to slip away.

-

you hadn’t even realised that you’d fallen asleep in steve’s room.

so when eddie comes in unannounced in the early morning, you thank your lucky stars that you’re facing the wall with steve’s body hiding yours. shoving your face into the pillow to hide yourself, hair sprawled around you, helping your case.

‘yo.. bro,’ he whispers, stepping into the room and over a pile of clothes, ‘good night?’ he cocks his eyebrow at steve as he turns around, glaring at the interruption.

‘uh.. yeah yeah,’ steve panics, realising what eddie had walked into and the chaos that’d ensue if he figured it out, his arm tightens around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest.

‘sounded like it,’ eddie chuckles, shaking his boot to rid it of the discarded shirt on the floor, ‘look, have you got ten bucks? i can give it back tomorrow,’ he bargains, smiling at steve.

‘yeah.. yeah, my wallet’s on the desk,’ steve nods towards the desk, adjusting himself to make sure he was covering you when eddie stomps over to the desk.

ten dollars was a worthy sacrifice to not have to deal with eddie’s temper tantrum in the morning. it wasn’t like he’d never find out. just not now.

‘thanks bro.. i’ll get it back to you tomorrow, hey,’ eddie rubs his stubbly face, ‘d’you know if dickhead’s in? i knocked but, uh.. no answer,’ quite obviously referring to you.

you have to resist the urge to sit up and cuss him out.

‘uhh.. no, no idea sorry,’ steve shakes his head apologetically, lying through his teeth.

‘alright well, have fun,’ wiggling his eyebrows as he exits, closing the door softly.

you exhale when the door clicks shut, though you stay in the same position, not entirely convinced he’s not stood outside the door listening.

‘don’t speak,’ you mouth to steve, who looks wearily at you until the front door closes and you fully turn to face him.

‘jesus christ,’ you breathe, ‘he doesn’t knock?’

‘usually he does.. i bet he wanted to see who was in here,’ his arm twitches, unsure of whether to keep clinging on to your waist or to remove it.

‘i mean,’ you shrug, ‘he’ll found out eventually, right?’ it was inevitable, especially as you were living together.

‘i s’pose.. you don’t care?’ taken aback by your nonchalance towards the situation.

‘not really.. i just don’t think he needs to know, not yet,’ you croak, he had literally just banged another chick practically right in front of you. any guilt you may have felt about the situation had disappeared.

‘yeah,’ he gives you a tired smile, nuzzling his head into the pillow, all soft and sweet.

‘i dunno about you but i’m going back to sleep, until at least lunch,’ your hand running along the curve of his bicep, mere inches away from each other.

he hums in response, his lingering arm pulling your waist closer, eyes drooping as sleep takes over.

-

you’re awoken again by the slam of the front door, robin leaving for work. letting steve know that everyone in the apartment could hear your late night activities.

steve grumbles, complaining about her heavy-handedness. you leer over at the alarm clock, wanting to get out of steve’s room before eddie gets back from work, making sure there were no possible chances of awkward questions this afternoon.

‘shit,’ you hiss, climbing over his still half-asleep body and grabbing whatever t-shirt you could find, pulling it on over your head, ‘eddie’s back in like five.. i’m gonna get out of here now, saves the aggro..,’ slipping into your discarded underwear.

‘right.. good idea,’ he mumbles, one arm folded underneath his pillow as he comes to fully.

you sprint out of there and into the kitchen, pouring a bowl of cereal when eddie strolls through the door, whistling some tune to himself. he glances at you before taking a seat at the cluttered dining table.

you don’t say a word, discarding your plan to sit at the table and instead tucking in to your cereal on the counter, pretending to read some flyer.

‘where were you last night?’ he asks, leaning back on the chair to get a full view of you, ‘i knocked on your door but..’ narrowing his eyes.

‘i was probably fuckin’ asleep,’ shoving another spoonful of cereal into your mouth, making brief eye contact with the man.

he squints, trying to figure out why that shirt was so fucking familiar. was it his? were you wearing his shirt in some weird goading way?

steve emerges from his room, shirtless and running a hand from his messy hair. eddie’s eyes flit between the shirt and steve. cogs slowly turning in his brain.

no. no the shirt wasn’t his.

it was the fucking shirt he’d kicked off of his foot when he’d stormed into steve’s room this morning. same boring design printed on the front.

on you.

from steve’s floor.

the night after steve had, very loudly, had a female friend over.

you’re oblivious, focussing on your bowl of soggy cornflakes as steve clatters around behind you. making his own bowl. neither of you looking at each other, making everything ten times more obvious.

‘you’re fuckin’ joking,’ he loudly proclaims, standing from the table, nearly sending the chair flying backwards.

your head shoots up, confused by what he had seemingly angered himself over now, ‘what?’ eyebrows knitted together as he storms over, mouth hung open in disbelief.

‘you fucked him?’ jabbing his finger at steve, ‘my best friend?’ arms flying around in anger.

you look to steve for some help, eddie positively fuming, his jaw clenched at your lack of an answer. in fact, your reaction, or lack thereof, had only solidified everything.

‘no,’ you eventually croak, ‘i- we-, that wasn’t me,’ stuttering for some excuse, though you know he didn’t buy a word of it.

eddie’s face twists up in a mix of anger and hurt, eyes glossing over as his lips tremble, ‘eddie-,’ steve begins, cut off as eddie storms out of the tiny kitchen, grabbing his wallet from the table and pausing when he opens the front door.

‘you deserve each other,’ he snarls before disappearing, shaking the walls with his violent slam of the door.

you stare at steve in silent disbelief, dropping the spoon into your discarded bowl. you’d predicted his reaction to go something along the lines of that, just not expecting it so soon. hoping to have prepared a solid speech in the meantime.

‘shit.’

‘it’s okay.. h-he was gonna find out eventually.. he’ll calm down,’ steve tries to soothe you, well aware that eddie held onto his anger, let it simmered until it all bubbled over and some poor soul got the brunt of months of rage.

you want to feel bad, feel guilty but when steve’s hand sits on top of yours, giving it a reassuring squeeze, it vanishes. his chestnut eyes providing a sense of comfort you’d never felt before.

-

you were used to eddie being out. missing in action for days on end. but by the fourth day of him not coming back to the apartment, the pit in your stomach starts to worsen.

the guilt had caught up to you, as if you were the one who had shoved him out of the door. you had, in a metaphorical sense.

the first few days were, nice. though you felt worse for even feeling that. but, you’d been hanging out with steve more. it was different to before, getting to know his personal quirks, the things that made him tick. something you would’ve brushed off before.

you were friends, sure. you hadn’t really had the opportunity to get to know him like this before. it would’ve felt like some sort of betrayal to eddie. even though in some ways the way it had come about now was much worse.

on the fifth day, you’re sat on the couch with steve. picking the hangnail from your finger, wincing as it started to bleed.

‘d’you think he might’ve gone home?’ you ask, looking up at steve who was spaced out next to you.

they were from the same small town, had started out sharing classes in high school and had since been friends. admittedly growing apart when you’d come into the picture. you’d heard stories from the others about how close they used to be, never apart, according to jonathan.

‘i dunno.. he hates hawkins,’ steve shrugs, seeing the worry spread across your face, ‘but i could call his uncle? see if he’s there?’

you nod, thumb in your mouth trying to pull off more of the sore skin. he gets up to grab his phone, already dialling the number when he comes back into the room.

‘hey! wayne.. it’s steve- yeah yeah, i’m good man.. i was just wondering if eddie was there? oh no, uh- well.. we haven’t heard from him in a few days, y’know what he’s like… sure, thanks man,’ clicking the button and ending the call.

he looks over at you, a pitying look on his face as he shakes his head no.

‘i’m sure he’s alright.. he’s dramatic, you know that,’ he collapses onto the couch, this time closer than before, nudging your elbow with a weak smile.

you were well versed with eddie’s dramatic personality. having dealt with his temper tantrums and storm outs for years now. though, it had never seemed this bad before.

realistically, you knew he was probably crashing on a friend’s sofa. overstaying his welcome and partying too much. he was likely coming down from some insane party as you sat thinking about him.

‘i just.. feel bad,’ you whisper, leaning into steve’s side. his arm reaches around to your shoulder, rubbing softly against your arm.

‘i know..i do too,’ he admits, you and eddie hadn’t been a romantic thing. not even really a thing, if you were being honest. it was sex and partying, getting completely trashed and using each other in an attempt to fill the void inside of you both.

but steve and eddie had been friends for years now. they’d argued over the stupidest shit but never something like a girl. steve had had to genuinely weigh up whether his friendship with eddie was worth losing.

if eddie couldn’t get over it, would steve be able to repress his feelings for you? or would he be fine with losing eddie if it meant that you were together?

when robin gets back from work, she narrows her eyes at the two of you curled up against each other, ‘is this gonna be a regular thing?’

‘would you have a problem with it if it was?’ you ask, watching as she dumps her back and slumps on the empty seat.

‘oh no, i’m just thinking about how much peace and quiet i’ll get if you and eddie aren’t screaming at each other every day,’ kicking her doc martens from her feet and leaning into the cushions.

‘if he comes back,’ you remind her.

she hadn’t really seemed too fazed when he’d stormed out. thankful for no more early morning wake up calls from his wooden bed frame. but you can tell that even she was beginning to feel at least a tiny bit worried.

‘he still not called?’

you shake your head, ‘no one’s seen him, he’s not home.. i guess we’ve just gotta wait til he’s calmed down,’ shrugging, more so trying to convince yourself rather than her.

no matter what, eddie had a special place in your heart. even if it wasn’t love in the romantic sense, there was too much there to disregard that. he was your best friend at one point, how could you?

it’s another five days of fretting and concern before you hear a word from him. your phone rings in the middle of the night and you sit up, feeling along the nightstand for the buzzing plastic. an unrecognised number.

‘hello?’ you speak into the receiver.

steve stirs, waking up at the sound of your voice. admittedly, you’d been sleeping in his bed. sharing kisses and late-night chats about just about everything. it all felt very quick, but just right. like now that’d you’d both realised that you could have this, that anything other than this felt wrong.

‘hi,’ eddie’s voice rings out, recognisable even through the phone.

‘eddie? you’re okay? where are you?’ you babble, steve sits up at the mention of his name.

‘i’m uh- with my dad, i just, listen.. i need you to bring me some shit.. we’re going away and i’ve got nothing with me,’ his voice crackles and you can hear him shift around in the payphone box.

‘what? you’re going where? where are you?’ baffled, unsure if you were still asleep and not understanding him.

‘away, i’m staying in porter.. look, can you do it?’

‘eddie that’s-,’ but you stop yourself, ‘yeah, sure.. when?’

‘tomorrow, i just need some clothes, my watch and my savings.. they’re under my mattress.. tiny box, you’ll see it,’ he rushes, running out of minutes.

‘o-okay, where shall i meet you? i don’t know it well,’ you garble, nodding at steve when he mouths a confused porters?

‘little bar called sam’s.. i’ll be in there, i’ve gotta go, this thing’s running out,’ he sighs, muttering a small, ‘thank you,’ before the line goes dead.

‘he’s at the fucking beach.. wants me to drop some shit for him.. he said he’s with his dad? i-i thought his dad left..?’

‘he did,’ steve looks puzzled, taking the phone from your clutch and looking at the withheld number, trying to figure out if he could call it back, ‘he left years ago..’

-

eddie’s smile falters when he notices that you’d bought steve and robin along. steve dropping your hand the second his eyes meet eddie’s.

‘what the fuck are you doing here?’ the chair scraping the wooden floor as he stands abruptly.

the man you can only assume is his dad looks over, gripping onto the beer bottle, eyes flitting between his son and your trio.

‘eddie.. i asked them to, we wanted to know if you were okay,’ your voice shakes, frowning when he scowls at you. you’ve pissed him off, again.

‘i called you because i trusted you, not him,’ he spits, walking over to where you were stood by the door, ‘where’s my shit?’

‘it’s in the car,’ quickly coming up with a lie, trying to keep him talking for as long as possible, ‘i need to talk to you.. before you.. leave,’ you pout, trying to get him away from his dad.

‘about?’ he hits back harshly, still upset that you’d even dared to bring steve along.

‘about.. everything,’ you exhale shakily, ‘give me five minutes, please.’

he looks back at his dad who checks his watch before shrugging. he couldn’t give a less of a shit as long he got this promised money.

‘fine,’ he says through gritted teeth, storming past a gormless steve and robin and exiting the restaurant.

you glance at steve before following him out, not sure how much longer you could convince him you’d bought everything he’d asked for.

he’s already lighting up a cigarette when you reach the street, perched against the windowsill in days-old clothes. he looked a mess. even worse than his usual gritty self. eye-bags and a sunken face to match.

you breathe out, how do you even start a conversation like this? sorry i fucked your best friend but i actually really like him was probably not the best way to go about it.

‘i’m sorry,’ seemed like the best place to start, ‘it wasn’t fair to you.. what i- we did.. i can’t tell you how shit it makes me feel.. to know that i hurt you.’

he blows the smoke out of his mouth, expressionless, ‘okay.’

is that it? after his great big performance that was all he could say?

‘what?’

‘i said, okay.. what d’you expect me to do? start crying and begging you to love me?’ scoffing as he takes a long draw of the cigarette. his eyes cold, merciless as he glares at you.

‘you ran away.. made everyone worried sick about you.. and all you can say is okay?’

he shrugs, ‘i’m over it.. you’re welcome to each other,’ stubbing the cigarette out on the brick wall, stepping closer to you.

your mouth opens and shuts, flabbergasted by his stinking attitude, ‘shout at me, scream.. fuck- hit me if you want to.. stop pretending like you don’t care.. because i know you eddie munson and i know you do.’

his eyes narrow, intimidating as he towers above, ‘i don’t give a shit, you’re only upset because you want me to.. that’s too bad,’ his adam’s apple bobs, a tell-tale sign that he was lying.

your eyes search his for anything. a glimmer of weakness.

but his eyes are stern, emotionless as his brows thread together.

the door to the bar creaks open and his dad stomps out, muttering to himself, ‘c’mon son, let’s get the fuck out of here,’ replacing eddie’s spot on the windowless ledge and lighting his own cigarette.

he doesn’t break eye contact, ‘i’m gonna take a leak and then i want my shit,’ jaw tense as he barges through the door.

you squeeze your eyes shut, biting onto your bottom lip before cricking your neck. that hadn’t gone exactly to plan. now what the fuck were you gonna do when he realised you hadn’t brought the one thing he’d asked for.

‘i know what women like you do,’ his dad speaks up, taking a long drag on the cigarette, ‘you don’t get to fuck up his life and then happily move on.’

eyes springing open when you realise he’s talking to you, ‘what the fuck did you just say?’

he laughs, a deep belly-laugh, ‘you heard.’

you’d love to smash the smug look from his dirty face. knock his head into the brick wall and drag eddie kicking and screaming back to steve’s cat whether he liked it or not.

‘women like me? the only person who cares enough to drive all the way out to this shithole to save your son? is that what you meant?’ stepping up towards him, as if you were even capable of doing anything.

‘you came to rub it in.. flaunting in with pretty boy there,’ his lips snarl, ‘pathetic really, shouldn’t have bothered.’

eddie comes back out, robin and steve trailing behind, trying to converse with him but being completely blanked, ‘where’s my shit then?’

‘uh.. steve’s car,’ beckoning to where you’d parked somewhere in the distance.

steve flashes you a worried look knowing damn well there was nothing eddie could want in his car. luckily eddie doesn’t pick up on it and instead starts walking in the direction you’d motioned, expecting you all to follow.

‘why’re you in such a hurry?’ you call out from behind, trying desperately to bide time. he was certain to flip his shit the second you reached the car and he figured you’d lied to him.

‘because i want to get the fuck out of here,’ he snaps back, charging on ahead.

you walk in silence to steve’s car, nervously glancing over at steve as eddie and his disgusting pig of a father walk on ahead. steve reaches over and gives your hand a reassuring squeeze though it doesn’t really do much.

eddie’s spots the car first, striding over and peering into the windows, ‘where’s my shit then?’ turning to glare at you with a disgusted look on his face.

your mouth opens and closes, no viable excuse coming to mind, ‘eddie.. i didn’t bring anything-,’ swallowing as you gain some slight confidence, ‘i’m not letting you go with him.’

his dad completely flips, turning to his son, ‘you’re fucking useless, you know that? how the fuck d’you manage to mess this one up?’ practically foaming at the mouth.

‘dad i told her! this isn’t my fault.. we can still go.. i’ll find the cash somewhere,’ his eyes pleading with the estranged man, he had shrunk back into a scared little boy right before your eyes.

his father shoves him away, snarling at his son, ‘you think i actually want to go anywhere with you? my colossal fuck up of a son? you’re dreaming,’ positively fuming.

‘but.. dad,’ he’s almost begging now, regressing back to the night he watched his father walk out on his mom, feeling the heartache all over again.

steve steps up, getting closer to the pair, ‘you should go,’ placing his hand on the man’s arm.

he jerks his arm from steve’s grip, scoffing at you all, ‘don’t bother trying to find me again.. i don’t wanna know,’ poking his sausage finger into eddie’s chest before pulling himself away and trundling off back to the bar you’d met in.

your eyes immediately turn to eddie who was watching the man leave for the second time, tears pricking in his eyes. your chest pangs with hurt, you’d never meant for it to happen like this.

eddie speeds off in the opposite direction and you have to pull on steve’s arm to stop him from going after the boy, ‘he’ll come.. just.. give him a few minutes,’ nodding reassuringly.

steve sighs before turning to face you, ‘okay, you should go anyway.’

‘yeah.’

deciding that it had probably been enough time, you follow eddie’s path and eventually find him perched on a crumbling stoke wall, aggressively wiping his cheeks when he spots you walking over.

you sit in the empty spot next to him, staring down at the grey concrete. not wanting to break the silence and potentially piss him off more.

‘fuck,’ eddie finally breathes, sniffing and wiping his nose on his filthy sleeve. he clearly hadn’t showered in days and you wonder what on earth they could’ve possibly been doing.

‘i’m sorry,’ you croak. you weren’t just sorry for not allowing him to run off with that wretched man but for the fact that you and steve had quite obviously betrayed him.

you hear him swallow and then a rustling from his pocket. looking up to find him with a cigarette hanging onto his lip. he offers the box out to you, as he usually would.

delicately taking one from the pack and placing it in your mouth, waiting patiently for the lighter.

you sit smoking your cigarettes in the calming silence for a few minutes. gazing out at the horizon, the sky awash with all sorts of moody greys. fitting.

‘are you coming home?’ you ask quietly, standing from the wall with your hands shoved in your pockets.

eddie exhales, his eyes closing briefly before he stands, ‘yeah.. yeah let’s go,’ admitting defeat as he lets go of his dad forever, ready to put an end to his reckless escapade.

robin and steve are leaning against his car when you walk back. there had been a silent agreement to not mention it. just get in the car and go.

you sat in the back with eddie, watching as he stares out of the window, pressing his forehead against the cold glass. you move over into the middle seat, resting your head against his shoulder.

things would be alright.

-

things had been actually sorta alright. eddie had seemingly come to terms with you and steve becoming a thing. at least, if he hadn’t, he’d been keeping it to himself.

you tried to keep things respectable of course, jumping apart when he’d enter the room or going off to your own room and creeping into steve’s when eddie had gone to bed. but he wasn’t stupid. and you knew he wasn’t stupid. it just seemed better than rubbing it in his face.

things were completely different with steve and you’d felt a sense of pressure that hadn’t been present with eddie. steve was soft and kind but you couldn’t be so laidback about everything with him.

when you’d disappear at parties to split a bag with someone, he’d want to know. or when you were upset and stressed out, he’d want to know why, how he could help.

which was fair enough, obviously. it was just different. before, eddie would offer some generic advice and a spliff and be done with it. now, you were expected to actually address your issues head-on, not just bury them with sex and drink.

finals week had been harsh on all of you. the apartment in disarray as you were all working overtime to save your grade and not get kicked out of college.

you’d, perhaps a bit unfairly, taken your stress out on steve. arguing with him about menial shit that you didn’t really care about, just finding any excuse to shout and push him away.

he’d sit there and take it, offering sensible solutions and trying to resolve whatever bullshit you’d made up that day. a stark difference to eddie who would’ve screamed straight back at you.

come friday night, you’d all finished exams, sitting around the table when eddie swanned in, flapping some flyer for a party, going on about how you should all go.

‘we’re finished, free,’ he argued, pleading his case to the three of you.

robin flat-out refused, said she needed to sleep for a solid week and then she’d be ready to party. steve umm’d and ahh’d, settling on staying in but he was down to go out tomorrow.

‘i’ll go,’ you speak up, eyeing eddie from across the table, you hadn’t hung out alone yet. this would be a new feat.

‘alright,’ he shrugs, looking at steve for his permission or straight up denial of you two going alone.

steve just nods, ‘alright, call me if you need anything,’ glancing at you with an assured smile.

he wasn’t worried. not really. you’d shown him plenty of times that you loved him even despite your incessant attempts to push him away. even in the bad arguments, he’d kept his cool and waited for you to come to him, keeping everything on your terms.

you’re nervous though. you and eddie partying together had never been a good idea, egging each other on, getting utterly trashed just because he’d dare you to.

not tonight. you swore to yourself before leaving. pressing a tender kiss on steve’s lips, leaving traces of your sticky lipgloss behind.

-

eddie’s pov

it’s a little after midnight when steve gets a phone call from eddie, asking him to come and pick you up. still waking up as he walks across campus, passing countless drunk students as he finds the thumping party.

you’re incoherent on the couch, steve’s eyebrows raising expectedly as he walks into the room. eddie stood to the side watching as your arms instinctively wrap around steve’s neck. even in your drunken stupor you went straight to steve.

it fucking stings.

he looks on worriedly as steve hoists you from the couch, ‘hey man.. uh, she said some pretty weird things tonight, i dunno.. i don’t think she’s okay,’ recalling your earlier slurred words.

you hadn’t meant to, but you’d spilled everything to eddie. a tequila fuelled rant about how steve was so perfect and how bad you felt that you just weren’t. how you didn’t know how to stop pushing him away, even when you didn’t want to.

steve nods, it wasn’t like he didn’t already know you were on this self-destructive warpath. he just wasn’t sure how to tell you that you didn’t need to do this without sounding like a dick.

your arms lazily flop around his neck, laying your head against his chest as he carried you bridal style through the party and right across campus back to your apartment. eddie trailing behind in silence.

‘thanks.. for calling me,’ steve smiles as he nudges his bedroom door open just as eddie was about to disappear into his own room.

‘course,’ he nods, melancholy as he watches your fingers curl around steve’s jacket, pulling him down onto the bed with you, babbling a chorus of steve’s and love you’s as his door closes.

cursing himself for never being that soft with you. never providing that level of safety.

he lies awake for hours, staring at the ceiling. at some point he hears you tumble out of steve’s room, rushing to the bathroom and subsequently throwing up into the toilet. debating whether to hop out of his own bed and help.

but then the padding of steve’s feet make their way through the hallway, his soft voice helping you brush your teeth and get cleaned up. eddie’s assistance was unnecessary. damn, he wouldn’t have a clue what to even do.

on the occasions that you’d thrown up in the morning, eddie would’ve led in bed and laughed. called you a pussy and waited for you to crawl back to bed in a mood. he wasn’t gentle like steve. that shit came as a second nature to him but to eddie? not a touch of it.

he even hears the soft kiss he gives you on the way back to his room, your appreciative little murmur and the click of his door shutting again. 

and he wants to kick himself. scream and cry and throw a tantrum because in an ideal world, that would’ve been him.

but he can’t blame you, no matter how much he tried. it’s his fault he’s such a colossal fuck up. not yours. not steve’s. his.

he eventually gives up and moves to the couch, not getting much luck at sleeping in his bed. the suns rising when he hears snippets of your hushed conversation.

it didn’t sound angry. or even upset. just barely audible speaking’s about your feelings.

‘i know.. i don’t mean to,’ he can hear, a twinge of sadness in your tone.

‘you don’t need to.. not with me,’ steve mumbles and the blankets rustle, snapping him out of his trance.

he can hear small i love you’s and the sound of lips smacking. but then your muffled breathy moans start and the bile rises in his throat. undeniably he knew what was going on in there, everything being confirmed by the rhythmic creaking of the mattress.

and he knows what you look like. he can see it. feel it. hell, he lived for it at one point

pushes himself from the sofa and straight out of the door. not wanting to hear a second more.

-

you don’t feel as bad as expected in the morning, rough but not as bad as you should be feeling.

robin’s now ready to celebrate, steve agreeing and you almost want to hurl at the mention of going out. eddie sits in silence at the end of the table, he’d been pretty strange this morning and you’d wondered if you said something to upset him last night.

you could vaguely recall the self-pitying spiel you’d forced him to listen to. physically cringing at the fact you’d started crying and wailing about steve to him.

robin suggests having some people over, just a small thing with close friends. maybe if everyone was up for it you could all go out afterwards. that you could agree to.

she rounds the troops, calling the friend you all shared. who all agreed to get there at eight. something small and casual she repeats down the phone.

there’s a few tag-alongs, people you’d met briefly at parties or friends of friends who had been dragged along. so it wasn’t the small gathering you’d pictured with just the gang. but it was okay.

the speaker being turned to max and the living room full of people. everyone in high spirits because finals had finished and were relatively confident that they’d at least scraped a pass.

you edge through the crowd, waking over to steve who was splayed out on the couch, spliff hanging from his fingers. he grins when he sees you, opening his arms.

‘hey pretty girl,’ beckoning for you to climb onto his lap, arms snug around your waist as he passes the spliff to you, still giggling at his pet name.

eddie glowers from behind the couch, huffing before pushing himself up and storming into the kitchen. he hadn’t realised how much he’d already drank, liquor coursing through his veins.

‘watch it,’ someone exclaims when eddie barges into their arm, subsequently spilling his beer onto the boys shirt.

eddie sees red. turning to the boy and snarling as he shoves his chest, sending him to the floor.

‘what the fuck did you say?’ grabbing the boy by the collar before smashing his fist into the side of the poor boys face.

steve hears the commotion, leering over the sofa to see what the fuck was even going on. he shoves you off of his lap, running to go and grab eddie from on top of this boy.

you finally see what everyone had crowded around, watching as eddie’s fist pummels into his now bloody face. only easing when steve grabs onto his arms, gasping for breath as he’s thrown back into reality. realisation setting in about what he’d just down.

people rush to the unconscious boy, somebody screaming to call an ambulance. the music cuts out harshly, silence echoing around the room as you stare at eddie, wide-eyed. terrified.

you’d never seen him like this. so brutal, covered in someone else’s blood. his chest falls and rises, staring back at you with an equally as horrified expression. steve is saying something to him but it’s not registering. a ringing in his ears as the world crashed and burned around him.

the police turn up alongside the ambulance crew. taking statements from whoever hadn’t left and eventually cuffing eddie. muttering about crazy fucking kids and quite forcefully pulling him from the apartment.

his eyes lingering on yours as he’s guided out. steve’s arms wrap around your shoulders, pulling you into his chest, resting his chin on the top of your head. you’re still in disbelief, tears welling in your eyes as you remember how unforgiving and downright cruel he’d been.

‘you wanna go to bed?’ steve asks, chest vibrating with his low voice. fingers combing through your hair, in your own corner of the living room as robin and nancy attempt to clean the floor.

jonathan and argyle are picking up tiny shards of glass, not an ounce of conversation between them. all still reeling from eddie’s outburst. you were sure he was going to jail, there wasn’t any way he could possibly wriggle out of this one.

‘we should-,’ the words getting caught in your throat, ‘we need to help clean,’ pulling back to look at the state of the room, discarded cups and splatters of alcohol on the walls.

‘we’re nearly done.. you should go to bed,’ robin nods, wringing the cloth out into the sink.

even they had come to the conclusion that this was something to do with you. you and steve in particular. the way eddie’s eyes had locked onto you the second steve had pulled him off of the boy.

you knew it. he’d been frosty and unusual with you all morning. with everyone in fact.

-

eddie emerges from his room for the first time in days. looking worse for wear and feeling just as shit. the tag on his ankle restricting him from leaving the apartment freely.

he peers down at the blinking red light, mentally cursing the plastic as he drags his feet along the carpet. he can hear you and steve chatting quietly, not really able to make out what was being said.

not expecting you both to be sprawled out on the couch, your leg draped over his waist as your delicate fingers combed through his hair. the last few days had been so bleak, that he couldn’t really find it in himself to hate that you were sharing these moments with steve.

he sighs loudly, hoping to let you know he’d entered the room. not wanted to be involuntarily including in whatever may have happened next.

you sit up slightly, gazing at him stood behind the kitchen counter, ‘hey,’ it’s quiet, but he hears it. almost deciding to ignore until he remembers how much you’d doted on him and helped him recently.

‘hi,’ but he doesn’t look back, staring into the empty fridge, waiting for something to materialise. but it doesn’t.

‘when’s your court date?’

the words sear in his ear, an unwelcome subject.

‘next tuesday,’ deciding upon a swig of milk straight from the carton, not exactly the five-course meal he was hoping for.

‘okay well, we were.. we’re gonna come, y’know.. for support,’ your eyes are unrelenting, following him around the kitchen.

‘don’t bother, i’m pleading innocent,’ completely monotonous in his response.

he’d already argued with the state provided lawyer about this. a shoddy man who could not care less whether eddie went down or not, just wanting to cash his cheque at the end of it all.

the balding man had called him stupid, ‘there are multiple witnesses.. plead guilty and they’ll probably pity you n’ slap you with some community service or summit.. don’t be stupid son.’

you scoff, using steve’s chest as leverage as you sit up properly, ‘you’re joking? right?’

his eyes finally meet yours, thumping his fists on the marble counter, ‘i am innocent,’ no one could understand where he was coming from, not even the man who was being paid to at least pretend to care and understand.

‘you beat the shit out of him, eddie.. you broke his fucking jaw,’ your eyes are wide, looking at him like he’s an idiot- which he was, but not about this.

‘i was provoked, self defence,’ he says in all serious. he was frustrated, lashed out but at the end of it all, the guy had bashed him first.

‘wh- because he accidentally knocked into you? you really must be fucking stupid.. what are you thinking?’

eddie notices steve, or what he could see of him, tense up, obviously not wanting to anger the violent monster eddie had become in so many people’s eyes.

‘it’s my choice.. i was fucking provoked, saw some stupid shit.. that’s not my fault,’ relinquishing the blame to you.

in his eyes, if he hadn’t seen the disgusting display of affection, he probably wouldn’t have fucked up that boy. but he had, and that wasn’t his fault. so how was he guilty?

‘you’re ridiculous.. i actually can’t believe you,’ your eyes full of disappointment.

the way your face falls, eyes narrowed and sharp as knives makes his heart twist. genuine hurt flashed on your face. almost paralleling the horrified expression you’d held as he was cuffed and dragged away.

‘it’s my decision, i wouldn’t expect you to know a thing about what it’s like to be me,’ kicking the fridge door closed with a loud thump.

you disappear from his sight, flopping back down onto steve’s chest with an exasperated sigh. he rolls his eyes before stomping off into his bedroom. his mood probably wouldn’t be so terrible if he could just leave this godforsaken apartment.

actually, why shouldn’t he? if you were so certain that he was going to jail anyway, what harm was there in going out? fuck it.

so he gets dressed, pulling his denim jacket on and spritzing himself with aftershave. he’d worry about the tag later, surely one of his buddies would have something to hack it off with. hopefully with minimal damage to his leg.

you don’t even look up from steve’s eyes when he comes back out, having had enough of his idiotic attitude for the day.

‘woah, where are you go-,’ steve starts before being cut off with the front door shutting, he was gone, without so much of a look back.

jogging down the stairs and out of this suffocating hellhole.

-

it doesn’t take long for the police to show up, banging their fists on the door and red in the face with anger.

they grilled you and steve for what felt like hours. making sure you hadn’t helped in his escape. tearing his room apart for some sort of clue to where he’d gone.

‘we found the tag at a location not far from here.. could anyone be hiding him? he’s in serious trouble.. we need anything you’ve got,’ the officer pleads, frustrated with having to deal with this bullshit on a thursday night. you don’t blame him.

you shake your head, ‘no.. i-i mean, there’s a few bars down on main but our friends aren’t stupid enough to help him.’

any previous feelings of worry had disappeared, replaced with frustration. you weren’t prepared to spend your whole life trying to find eddie every time he decided to run away. he so obviously didn’t give a shit about what you thought, it was a waste of energy at this point.

the officer sighs, ‘right, well you let us know if he gets in contact or comes back here,’ rummaging in his pocket for a small bit of card, ‘that’s my personal number.. call me straight away.’

you nod, thumbing the glossy card and flopping back onto the couch. steve shows them out, closing the door softly after they leave. he gives you a look, full of pity. he doesn’t say a thing but you know what he’s thinking.

‘i’m done,’ holding your hands up, ‘he can get himself out of this one.. i don’t care anymore,’ surrendering completely.

he nods, looking as just as tired as you felt. sometimes you forget that this isn’t just between you and eddie, steve is right in the middle of it all too, staying quiet and holding back for eddie’s sake.

you’d tried to be courteous and thoughtful with eddie. pulling away from steve when he’d enter the room, trying not to be so overly affectionate in front of him. you felt like maybe you owed him that for how you’d gone about it, but why?

not once had he ever shown interest in being with you romantically, he was the one that’d explicitly said that you and him were friends with some added benefits. screw him.

‘you hungry? i wanna get out of here,’ pushing yourself from the couch and throwing your arms around steve’s waist, cheek squished against his chest.

‘i could eat,’ returning the hug, swaying slightly as his hands roam around your back.

-

eddie’s pov

eddie checks his phone for the umpteenth time.

no new notifications

he was anticipating at least something from you by now. hell, even a pathetic hi would’ve sufficed. the man wasn’t dumb, choosing to hole himself up in gareth’s basement with a six-pack rather than hitting the main spots.

he questions whether the dinghy, dark basement was any better than the confines of the room he’d escaped. supposing that you and steve weren’t next door, anything would be better.

he debates just calling you first. curious to know why you hadn’t called. maybe after the next beer. or maybe now. fuck it, it’s already dialling.

it rings and rings, becoming increasingly concerned with your well-being.

‘what?’ your voice rings out after the fifth or sixth ring.

he’s taken aback, ‘hello to you too,’ taking another swig of beer, his knees pulled up to his chest.

‘what d’you want?’

christ. you really weren’t falling for it this time.

‘nothin’.. just expected to hear from you by now, that’s all.’

he can hear the eye roll through the phone, your tiny almost inaudible little tut, ‘i’m not saving you this time.’

‘i didn’t ask you to.’

‘so why’d you call then? i’m busy.’

‘you with steve?’ he doesn’t even know why he asked, of course you were.

‘yeah, i am.. is that what you wanted to hear? or were you hoping i was out searching for you with the police?’

ouch. you’d called him out. figured out his silly game and threw it straight back in his face.

‘i didn’t- you just had to rub it in, didn’t you?’ anger rising in his throat, ‘you always do.’

‘you think i’m doing this to make you jealous? this isn’t about you anymore.. you need to get over yourself,’ you sigh, empathetic about the harsh words that’d just spilled out, ‘i love him, eddie.. you’re gonna have to deal with that.’

and with that the phone clicks. you’d hung up. you had hung up on him, no grovelling or pleading for him to come back home. that was it. the harsh truth and now he had to just sit with it.

his head falls back against the cold brick, staring up at the damp covered ceiling, weighing up his options. he knew he’d fucked up. best case scenario, he’d get a couple extra months on his sentence. worst case, they’d throw the book at him for wasting their time.. not to mention the already hefty sentence for the assault.

you had completely and utterly exhausted yourself trying to support him and even you had had enough. he only had himself to blame for that. maybe jail would be a good thing? he could get his head straight.. get over you, maybe even find some purpose in his life.

he pulls another beer from the pack, cracking it open and taking a long swig. exhaling as the bitter liquid seeps down his throat. there was only one way out of this fucked situation and he knew that.

-

eddie perks up when he hears your key in the door, sat on the couch for what seemed like hours waiting for you both to get back.

your face drops the instant you see him, gripping onto steve’s hand as you walk into the dimly lit living room.

eddie stands, holding up his hands, ‘i’m gonna hand myself in.. i just-,’ he exhales deeply, ‘i wanted to say goodbye,’ jaw tense as he looms between you and steve.

‘you are? do you want me to call the sheriff? i- he gave me his number..’

‘no, no.. i’m gonna go down there.. it’s easier,’ eddie motions towards the door, shaking his head.

you stand dumbfounded for a second before nodding slowly, chewing on the inside of your cheek, ‘it’s the right thing to do..’ the lump in your throat growing as you look back at the pathetic man in front of you.

steve gives him a weak smile, patting his hand on your arm. there’s a brief moment of silence. the three of you all staring back at one another in awe of the fucked up mess you’d wound up in.

‘c’mere,’ steve motions to eddie, walking over to the boy with arms outstretched. he pulls him into a bear hug, clapping his palm on eddie’s back.

from the look on eddie’s face squished against steve’s shoulder you can tell he needed it, ‘i’ll miss you man..’ he breathes into his best friend’s sweater.

‘we’ll come and visit.. you’re not getting rid of me that easy,’ his laugh is shaky as he pulls away, smiling proudly at his friend.

you stand slightly behind steve, watching on with tears brimming in your eyes. even though steve had tried to reassure you, you couldn’t help but feel so guilty that this had ultimately all happened because of you.

eddie walks over slowly, throwing his arms around your body, gripping his fingers into your arms knowing that this may very well be the last time he ever got to hold you like this.

your arms cling around his waist, cheek pressed against his chest, ‘i’m proud of you..’ was all you managed to croak out, tears wetting his dirty t-shirt.

he sniffs, swallowing the lump in his throat, ‘thank you.. for everything,’ because truly, you were the only person to never give up on him, even if he had made it incredibly difficult for you.

you lift your head off of his chest, staring up at him with sodden cheeks, bottom lip quivering as you let go of him. both physically and emotionally.

he puffs his cheeks out, wiping his face with the back of his hand before clearing his throat and nodding at the pair of you, ‘you take care of her..’ eyebrow raised.

‘aye aye captain,’ steve gives him a tight lipped smile and a half-assed salute, watching as the man he had grown up with walked out of the apartment, head held high and a newfound spring in his step.

the end of the beginning.

#steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve stranger things #steve harrington angst #steve harrington x y/n #stranger things x you #steve harrington fic #eddie munson #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x reader #eddie stranger things #steve harrington smut

[lovelettersfromluna]

Wither

Summary: “you made flowers grow in my lungs and although they are beautiful I can’t fucking breath”

an: this one hurt, had sad music on LOOP the entire time.

Warnings: MDNI!!, 18+, SMUT, angst, Ellie doesn’t know how to communicate, reader is oblivious, mentions of marijuana, making out, dry humping, Ellie yells at reader, this one is a lil short sorry, lmk if I missed anything!!

You can read part 1 here!

Ellie was never the biggest fan of parties.

It’s pretty ironic that you and her ended up in a friend group that thrived off of shit like that. You guys were always out doing something stupid, or crashing a party to bum some weed off of someone.

But no matter how much she disliked parties, she wouldn’t ever pass one up with you.

Being with you outweighed any and all cons that came with parties.

She remembers it vividly. It was late, and the party had gone from a house full of buzzing college students to just a few people with some soft music playing in the background. Some were outside on the front porch, or in the backyard, leaving the living room to you and Ellie.

You were laying on the couch, your head resting on the arm of the chair while Ellie was sitting, your legs splayed over her lap, hands massaging your calf gently as she babysat the blunt perched between her lips for far too long.

You whined softly, looking over at her with glazed over eyes, your hand lazily reaching for the blunt between her lips.

“C’mon…you’re gonna smoke it all…” you huffed out, sitting up and scooting closer to your friend, promptly tugging the stick from between her mouth. She smirked, watching you as you took a drag from the blunt before you blew the smoke into the air, a soft sigh leaving your lips as you moved to rest your head against Ellie’s shoulder.

“These parties suck…just wanna be home with you…” she knew you were pouting just by the way the words fell off of your lips, all whiny and slurred. She gave your thigh a squeeze, the weed in her system making her feel much bolder had she’d been sober.

“I told you we should’ve stayed home…you don’t listen” she sighed softly as she recalled the way you were practically begging her to come with you to the party, knowing you would’ve been whining to her to take you home, just like you were now.

You huffed softly in annoyance, turning your head so that your face was pressed against the crook of her neck, your warm breath fanning across her skin and making her shiver, her mind far too hazy, body far too sensitive.

“Wanna go upstairs?” You asked her softly, voice barely above a whisper.

Ellie’s body froze up a bit at that, your words sounding far too much like something else, something that she’d dreamt about since she was old enough to even know about that kind of shit.

It sounds like you’re asking her to go upstairs, and fuck you.

And she knows that’s not what you meant. She knows that you just have this…way of speaking. It’s soft, and sultry, and you always pair it with that fucking giggle that literally makes her palms sweat and her stomach ache with butterflies so intense, she feels she might throw up, and it charms every fucking person you meet the second they lay eyes on you, and hear that sweet, dulcet tone fall from your pretty lips.

Ellie wished on every star that night that you actually meant it, and you weren’t just asking her if she wanted to crash at the house since you two were too high to go home, and it was too cold outside.

She couldn’t speak, of course she couldn’t speak, not when you asked her like that, so sweetly it makes her feel like her heart will burst right then and there.

So she simply nodded, giving your waist a gentle tap to single that she was right there with you. You squealed, tugging your bottom lip between your teeth as you quickly got up off her lap, and began dragging her up the stairs to an empty room for the two of you.

See? Every memory she had of you was like this, her following behind you, so eager and docile to follow your every move, your every command. If you asked Ellie to jump of a fucking bridge, she’d do it in a heart beat, no questions asked.

Where you went, Ellie followed.

She let out a dreamy sigh as she let you drag her to the bedroom, watching as you pushed between different people, slipped into dark hallways, all so you could find a room for the two of you before time ran out.

Ellie recalls the little noise of triumph that you let out when you found an empty room, quickly tugging her in and locking the door behind the both of you before you were passing by her to get into the bed.

She watched you, green eyes almost looking black with how blown out her pupils were. You always told Ellie that she reminded you of a cat when her eyes got like that, like those pretty brown cats with the emerald eyes? She never understood it, thinking that if anything she could be compared to a skinny, scraggly cat with fleas or something.

But nonetheless, she watched you. Watched as you crawled onto the bed after kicking off your sneakers, your movements almost animated with how perfect they were, free of any flaws. She watched the way your denim jeans stretched over your ass, your t-shirt hanging down around your hips, giving her a glimpse of your tits from behind, making her swallow thickly.

Ellie would never admit it, because she didn’t want anyone to think she was a pervert, but the amount of times she ogled at you had gotten out of hand.

You let out a soft huff when you turned around, your back falling against the bed as you stared up at the ceiling.

“I’m….Jesus Christ I am so fucking high, El…” you sighed out softly, a soft, dreamy giggle leaving your lips as your hand came up to rest over your eyes.

Ellie stood there like a statue, unable to even breath properly as she watched your t shirt pool at your waist, your soft skin peeking out above the waistband of your loose jeans.

God, she always loved that part of you.

It looked so soft, so inviting, eager to be touched, massaged, kissed…

Her lips yearned for your skin on her.

You hummed softly, moving your hand from your eyes and propping yourself up on your elbows. You watched Ellie with raised eyebrows, a soft giggle leaving your lips.

“You comin? Or are you gonna stand there all night and make me cuddle myself…” you pouted out, clearly teasing the girl.

Her cheeks burned red at your words, and it was enough to break her out of her trance of staring down at your body. She chuckled softly, her tattooed hand coming to rub the back of her neck awkwardly before she nodded, slowly walking over to the bed and kicking off her own shoes.

“Sorry…weeds got me fucked up…” she mumbled out softly, which earned a giggle from you.

“Mm…mhm…whatever, c’mere” you hummed softly, gripping her arm and tugging her up to you.

She remembers the way you spread your legs for her, tugging her between them to settle there, your warm body so inviting. She was scared to crush you, or to make you uncomfortable, but you seemingly didn’t give her a choice when you pulled her down to pressed her body against yours.

Your hands went up to lace in her hair, massaging her scalp, twirling the strands between your fingers. She could feel the way your chest rose and fell with each slow, deep breath.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be as comfortable around anyone like I am with you…” your words were a bit muffled since her ear was pressed against your chest, but she could still make everything out, your words still making her heart flutter.

Ellie hated that you were able to do that. You could tell her the most minuscule thing, and it would make her swoon.

But those things had a tendency to get far too deep whenever you were high.

She didn’t answer, instead letting out a small hum of agreement, which made you giggle.

“M’serious…you’re like….my person” you explained, voice so soft and quiet.

You always spoke to Ellie like she was the only person in the world, like you and here were the last people on earth.

She let out a gentle sigh before she lifted her head from your chest, coming face to face with you. She loved when you were like this, you looked so fucking…soft, like you were the very thing that dreams were made of.

“You’re so pretty, El…” It was clear that Ellie wasn’t the talker of the two of you. She watched you as you brought your fingers up to brush Ellie’s hair from her face, gently combing through her fringe with the most gentle touch.

You bit back a smile, as if a sudden idea had popped into your head. It was something mischievous, something you knew you shouldn’t have been thinking of, Ellie knew that look like that back of her fucking hand.

Your fingers went down to trace her lips, the outline of them, the top, the bottom, your eyes glimmering with something that Ellie couldn’t quite make out. It was so dark in the room, the shitty bedside lamp making her angry that she couldn’t see you better.

“Would you kiss me if I asked you to?” Your words were above a whisper, eyes flickering a bit as you stared at her. She could practically see the stars twinkling in your pretty eyes, and you weren’t even nervous. You showed no signs of second guessing yourself or the question you asked her, so confident in what Ellie would respond with.

Ellie on the other hand? Felt her heart stop the second she heard you.

She’d laid in her bed so many times before, dreaming of what it would feel like to have your lips pressed on hers. Every time she kissed another girl, she imagined that it was you. It was shitty on her end, she knew that, but what was she supposed to do? She’d been in love with you since she was a fucking kid.

There was no way she couldn’t compare those girls to you.

And she knew this was a fleeting moment, because you were both high, and it was probably her one chance at feeling what your lips are like, even if it is just a stupid moment between two best friends.

She doesn’t hesitate in pushing her body further up yours, pressing her lips to yours.

Ellie can feel sparks. She can feel the world stop. The way your lips smile against hers, the way you’re fingers tangle up in her hair, it all feels like everything in the world stops, like there’s nothing, and no one that could ever ruin the moment.

It makes ellie feel like she’s the only girl in the world, and it only further proves to her that if she can’t have you, she’d rather die alone.

She can’t help herself from deepening the kiss, pushing her tongue into your mouth. You started to moan, and whine against her, and Ellie was sure she’d never heard anything so fucking perfect. She’s sure that when she dies, she’ll hear the exact same thing.

Her knee was wedged between her legs, and her core was pressed against your thigh. She started grinding down into you, and it earns the sweetest fucking moan from you, and it made Ellie’s head fucking spin.

She could feel her core weeping onto the fabric of her underwear, and if she weren’t so high she’d be nervous that it was seeping out onto her jeans. But she can’t bring herself to care, not when your hips are jerking up and meeting her movements.

“Ellie..” you moaned out softly, and it made Ellie groan into your mouth.

“Fuck…you sound so good…” she sighed against your lips.

You were just as eager as she was.

Her hands came down to your waist, slipping under your shirt and massaging your soft skin while her tongue worked on yours.

She could taste you, all of you. The sound of your tongues lapping together made her want to do more, go further, make you feel better.

But she could feel your tongue slow down, and the sound of your giggle brought her back to earth.

“Slow down, cowgirl…don’t start something you can’t finish…” you sighed out breathlessly as you broke the kiss, resting your forehead against hers as your hands continued toying with her hair.

This made Ellie frown, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she stared down at.

“What? But I…” she tried, unknowing of what she’d even say to try and get her lips back on yours.

“I know baby…but you’re…”

Ellie remembers the way your words died off, how far off your eyes looked, the sad little smile playing on your lips.

“If we’re doing this…I want it to be because you actually want me…not cause you’re high” you explained, brushing her fringe from her face as you gave her a half smile.

And Ellie almost keeled over and died right then and there.

Because ever since you two had gotten old enough, you had laid in bed and explained to Ellie time and time again, how you despised the people who got high and looked to you for sex.

And while that was far from what she was doing, it looked pretty bad on Ellie’s end, anyways.

“No! No God, I swear that’s not what I’m doing. I would never-“ Ellie was quickly cut off by you pressing your lips to hers, and it was pathetic, but the moan she let out when you did was pitiful, like she’d melted as soon as you gave in to her.

“I know that’s not what you’re doing…you could never hurt me that way….” You assured her.

She watched as you settled back into the pillows beneath you, a soft, dreamy smile splayed out on your lips as you stared up at, watching her as if she were the most precious thing to you.

“Just…want it to be special when we do it…that’s all” your words were above a whisperer, and it was one of the rare times that Ellie saw you like that. So shy, so quiet, as if you were keeping the greatest secret between you and her.

That was the second thing you’d promised to Ellie. First, it was the promise that you’d marry her, then it was that you’d promised to give yourself to her.

Ellie could practically feel the most stupid, goofiest smile spread across her lips when you said that, because unlike the first time this happened, she’s able to look into your eyes, and you weren’t falling asleep seconds after admitting it to her.

You giggled softly, giving her a nudge, forcing her to lay down next to you.

“Wipe that smirk off your face…c’mon…I’m tired” you hummed softly as you tugged the covers over both of your bodies and scooted closer to Ellie. You pushed her arms apart before promptly wrapping them around your body, and hooked your thigh across her hip, keeping you as close as possible.

You let out a soft sigh as you pressed your nose to Ellie’s neck before giving her skin a gentle kiss.

“Love you so much, El…always will…” you hummed softly against her.

And as always, you made Ellie’s heart swell. She waits until she hears your breathing even out, and she knows your asleep before she pressed a gentle kiss to your head.

Because despite the promises you’ve made, and the things you’ve said, Ellie has been in love with you for a long time, and she knows that you don’t know…

“I love you too…more than you’ll ever know..” She sighed softly before she closed her eyes, trying her best to get some sleep.

It was on that night, that Ellie knew you were it for her…

Ellie let out a sigh as she leaned over the open window of her apartment, looking out at the city, watching the people below.

She had a little white stick perched between her lips, cupping one of her hands around it as she lit the end of it before taking a deep drag and blowing it out.

Ellie didn’t always smoke, it was a habit she’d picked up recently.

Her lungs were fucked anyways, no point in trying to save them now.

She coughed, her lungs rattling. It was such an ugly sound, and it made Ellie frown every single time it came out of her body. She had bags under her eyes, her lips were chapped and she looked all around like she’d been through hell within the last year.

You. You were her hell.

And it made it so much worse, because as much as Ellie’s body and soul yearned for you, wanting nothing more than to just talk to you, to just be with you…

She couldn’t.

Because Ellie was avoiding you.

She felt her phone buzz in her pocket. She sighed, reaching behind her and grabbing it. A low groan left her lips when her eyes settled on the name at the bottom of her screen.

It was you.

Hey El, are you okay? Haven’t heard from you in a while

Miss you :’)

The texts make a shiver run down Ellie’s spine, because she can practically hear your voice when she reads them. It’s laced with that soft, pouty little voice that you do whenever you miss her, whenever you’ve gone too long without hearing from her.

It’s the same tone that’s written in every single one of your texts that she’d ignored since she received your wedding invitation.

There was a string of them in your messages with Ellie, all from your end. They start out innocent, making it clear that you were absolutely clueless to the amount of pain and suffering that Ellie had been through from the moment she got the letter in the mail.

And as Ellie continued ignoring you, the texts became more frequent, turning into you asking her if she got the letter, and if she wanted to come with you to try on wedding dresses, to you begging her to respond to you.

It killed Ellie every single time a text from you came through.

She ignored it all. Texts, calls, she was sure you’d even reached out to her father to try and get to her, which she made sure to tell Joel to not tell you about her condition under any circumstances.

Ellie groaned, shoving her phone into her back pocket as she took another drag of her cigarette, letting the thick smoke fill up her sore lungs, burning her up from the inside.

Maybe she picked it up because the pain from the smoke distracted her from the pain that the flowers brought. The cigarettes made sense to her, it was a little stick filled with chemicals and bad shit that she really shouldn’t have been smoking.

The disease however, didn’t make any sense to her.

Ellie hated things that she couldn’t understand.

She let out a sigh, taking one more long drag before she put the cigarette out in her ashtray, no point in babysitting the thing for any longer.

The only real escape from all this nonsense that Ellie had, was sleep. With sleep, came an avoidance of the world, and what it was that was going on with her life.

With sleep, came dreams, and with dreams….

Came you.

Ellie dreams were the only place where she could have you. It was the only place that she could live in a world where you wanted her back, where she didn’t have to live with sore lungs and a trash bin filled with wilted flowers.

Ellie’s dreams were the only thing she looked forward these days.

She was going to go to bed, so she could enter a world where none of this had happened.

A world where you, were hers.

Soon enough, Ellie was in bed, wrapped up in her warm sheets, staring up at her ceiling as she waited for her eyes to grow heavy.

But her phone buzzing stopped that from even starting to happen.

She groaned, turning over and grabbing her phone, expecting it to be something stupid like a spam text.

But it wasn’t. It was you.

Again.

And the text that she read over made Ellie’s eyes widen in her skull.

Can I come over? I feel like you’re mad at me or something

The words ‘can I come over’ in your terms meant that you were most definitely coming over whether Ellie said it was okay or not, so she began to panic.

She quickly opened the message and began to text you back.

You can’t come over. I have a cold

Not mad at you

It doesn’t take more than a few seconds for another message from you to come in.

Oh no!!

Should’ve said something. I could’ve taken care of you :(

Always so fucking selfless.

Your texts make Ellie’s heart tug, and she can practically feel another coughing fit coming on, a plethora of petals threatening to spill out and remind her of what she can’t have.

Another text comes in

Are you home? Can I call you?

Ellie knows she can’t run away from this one, not when she’s already responded, and she’s already knee deep into a conversation with you.

So she doesn’t respond, instead she presses your contact, and then presses the call button. She presses the phone to hear ear as she waits for you to answer.

And it doesn’t even ring two times before you’re answering. Ellie can almost see the way you eagerly press the green answer button on your phone, pressing the phone to your cheek.

“Hey…” Ellie rasps out, her voice hoarse from all the coughing she’d done. She barely recognizes the sound of her own voice.

“Ellie…” you sigh out her name, like it was the most reliving thing to hear the girls voice in so long.

The sound of her name rolling of your tongue makes Ellie smile like a stupid teenager talking to their crush for the first time.

“Hey bug…” Ellie sighed out softly, which earns the sweetest giggle from your end, the sound like music to Ellie’s years.

“Where have you been El…” you don’t waste time in getting to the nitty gritty, your voice dropping a bit, and Ellie knows you’re pouting wherever you are.

And maybe that’s what makes Ellie’s heart wither, because you sound so fucking devastated with the sudden disappearance of her, like you’re the one that’s been suffering, and not her. It makes Ellie feel like she’s ripped everything away everything that you’ve ever known and ever loved.

It sounds like you’re the one who’s suffering from an unrequited love.

“I um…been busy…sorry” it’s a sorry excuse that mumbles past her lips, and Ellie swears she can hear a gentle sniffle from your end of the phone.

“You haven’t even…you haven’t said anything about the wedding…are you even-“ you sob, and Ellie knows your fucking crying.

If it was on any other day, she would’ve cried with you. Her chin would’ve started wobbling, and her eyes would’ve welled up with tears and she would’ve sobbed over the phone with you, breaking down and telling you everything that she’s been through, that she loves you and she’s suffering without you.

But it isn’t just any other day…

And there’s something about you mentioning the wedding, that sets Ellie off.

“Im not coming to your wedding” she deadpans, the brunette filled with an overwhelming sense of anger at the mention of the ceremony.

“What, I….you’re not?” You whimper out softly.

But the sound doesn’t bring Ellie back to earth. If anything, it prompts her to go further.

“Other people have lives, okay? We can’t just all live in a fantasy world of weddings like you. I have shit to do, and I would’ve hoped that my lack of communication would’ve given you a clue, but clearly you’re too fucking dense to catch onto anything” she spits out.

Her words are hateful, and they fall from her tongue like venom dripping through the phone lines, burning you from the other end.

You simply whimper in response, your sniffles becoming more frequent, and Ellie knows she’s done it.

She’s made you fucking cry.

“Lose my fucking number, alright?” She spits out before she hangs up the phone, not leaving you any opportunity to respond, to fight back and question where the outburst came from.

Ellie knows where it came from. The sadness and sorrow that she’s held in her heart for so long was beginning to turn into anger, it was burning her, turning her into someone she never wanted to become, not with you.

She let it take over her, swallowing her up and spitting her out to become someone that was filled with hate, resentment towards you and your stupid fucking finance that wasn’t her.

She hated you for something you couldn’t control.

When she tosses her phone to the side, she begins coughing. It’s similar to the coughing fit she had the night she received your invitation, however it’s different. It’s dry, and it burns and it makes her eyes water, the tears she felt prickling at the back of her throat when she was screaming at you finally coming out.

And as she hunches over in her bed, gasping for air, fighting against the wicked cough that had plagued her for so many days and so many nights, the petals begin to come up.

When she finally comes to, and she looks down at the mess of petals on her bed, between her legs, she sees something she hasn’t seen throughout the entire duration of her illness.

The petals that came up, were different.

They were withered, wilted.

Ellie’s flowers, were beginning to die.

#ellie williams #ellie williams smut #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x you #ellie tlou #ellie x y/n #ellie the last of us #ellie x you

[purpledisastertwin900]

For all of the “Raph raised himself AND his brothers” fans out there I bring this train wreck of a thought (I’m a lil sleepy so sorry if it doesn’t make sense or if I repeat myself a lot-)

We do not in fact have any actual evidence that splinter was neglectful to the boys when they were little. In fact, we have the opposite.

All of these flashbacks indicate that Splinter acc spent a LOT of time with his boys-

With Mikey, he was obviously coached in his art, a smol child can’t paint like that no matter how talented they are so we can see that splinter put in the time/effort to get Mikey the supplies and teach him how to do it well. Which probably means he researched and learned it himself first, idk I just can’t really see Yoshi knowing how to paint/draw that well but that’s just a theory.

With raph and Leo, their lemonade stand is structurally sound: obviously not put together by an 8 year old, and there’s a lotta lemons lyin around that were probably a bit difficult to find, and just LOOK at their faces here they are definitely familiar with this kind of father/son shenaniganizing-also just LOOK at raph. That’s a happy child, one full of excitement and happiness, not a kid who had to grow up too fast. Also his dad is literally right there in the picture

And then with Donnie, I can’t really tell what he’s doing in the background (it’s a bomb) but what i take from that screenshot is that Donnie feels safe/loved enough to come to Splinter when he gets hurt. And Splinters taking care of him!! And, Donnie is wearing clothes, which shows that he went out and got clothes for them but also didn’t force the boys to wear them if they didn’t want to (see other screenshots lol) which also goes to show that he lets his boys choose who they wanna be and what they wanna do. At any point he could’ve forced all of them to train as ninja, at any point he could’ve made clothes mandatory, and at any point he could’ve forced them to drop things that made them happy like skating or science or art but nah. He was supportive every step of the way.

Now am I saying he was perfect? No. Am I saying he couldn’t have done anything better? No. What I’m saying is that Raph acc did not have to raise himself and his brothers. Splinter acc gave them a pretty good childhood, all things considered and it kinda makes me sad when ppl bash Rise Splinter or continue the neglectful parent trope. Again, I’m not saying he did everything right, he def could have spent more time with his kids on an individual basis and he should’ve been more present, but let’s cut him some slack bc he did a really good job at raising the boys. And he got so much better as the show progressed! But that’s another post lol. I’m also not trying to take away Raphs oldest sibling syndrome, he still def has that from being the leader and watching his bros while splinter was away-I’m just saying he didn’t have to do it ALL alone.

Look in the end he’s doing his best and his best was really good for what they had. He’s a good dad, he’s not neglectful.

#sorry if the pictures suck #click for better quality?? idk haha #Rottmnt #unpause rottmnt #tmnt #rise splinter #splinter is a good dad you guys #I will die on this hill #yes he made mistakes but he is improving phenomenally and that’s what counts #Hamato yoshi #splinter hamato #I’m also v sleepy rn so sorry if this don’t make sense #radios realizations

[blublublujk]

i just fucked your girl (and she loved it)

oneshot

word count: 11k

genre: established relationship (reader x namjoon), dark/morally gray characters and decisions

pairings: ghost hoseok x y/n and y/n x fiancé namjoon

summary:

A very lonely, horny ghost comes to haunt your dreams (and fulfills your every sexual desire).

warnings: oh my god get ready this is gonna get long. swearing, cheating?? (is it really cheating if he's dead? i'll let you decide), explicit sexual content; sexual "nightmares", unprotected vaginal sex AND anal (ITS TIME :D), rough sex, sub/dom dynamics, no safe word, submission, dirty talk, hoseok refers to people he comes across as victims (he doesn't force anyone i promise, not unless they want to ofc), masturbation, fingering, petplay? (the reader likes being called kitten), slight hand kink, slut shaming (oopsies), use of spit (oops again), use of lube, hickeys, lots of begging, hoseok's a bit mean but the ending will make it up a bit ISTG, namjoon's an innocent sweetheart, reader feels a lot of guilt, ass play (YAY), rimming (YAY pt2), mentions to gay sex and clown kink (you'll see), hoseok's like a ghost sex worker and the reader sorta manifests him, sex toys, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, spanking, come shot, blowjob, hair pulling, daddy kink, breast play, creampie, a bit of a sad/angsty ending, so sorry if anything is missing I RLLY TRIED

btw there's sex scenes between namjoon and the reader AND hoseok and the reader so they both get their share.

a.n: happy fucking halloween. sorry this got a little sad towards the end, but i hope you guys love it as much as i do. i think i'll live in this world for a while. i'm so obsessed with this probably, my favorite work yet. i think this is my smuttiest work too? idk. i was gonna delete like half of it because i hate myself sometimes but i figured you guys would enjoy something a little longer so i typed and typed until my lil heart desired and this beast was created. btw i finished this at exactly 6:13pm. i thought i'd let yall know, if anyone's as crazy as me :D im so curious what you guys think about this one so feel free to comment (only if you want too ofc ^.^) idk when i'll be back with something new but please be patient with me. i promise im not leaving lol i just get busy. OKIE THIS IS SO LONG SORRY AND ENJOY. byeee <3

p.s. i do plan to write an epilogue cuz this got crazy at the end. so much left unsaid. my brain is sooo... lol

—> m.list

—> welcome me on ao3 & twt

--

It was the same damn nightmare. 

For the past three weeks you had been waking up in coldsweat, heart nearly beating out of your chest, breathing so out of control. You could barely hold yourself up.

And still somehow, you woke up drenching your panties of your own slick arousal.

It was the same nightmare from yesterday, the day before that, and the day before that. You would end up in a dark, ominous apartment. It was yours, but somehow different. The apartment was pitch black, flashing red lights from time-to-time, as if someone in the building had pulled the emergency alarm. You would crumble in your bed, closing your eyes and praying it would end soon. That’s when he would appear. 

A man in all black, long dark tousled hair. His teeth were bright, you could tell by the smile on his face while he watched you wither away in your sheets. The glow in his dull, sharp eyes would shine even in the dark. 

He watched as you squirmed in your bed, feeling heavy, unable to stand by your own strength.

“Don’t force it, darling. Take what you need.” The stranger would say with a strong raspy tone, smelling your arousal fall into the sheets below your bottom. You were always bare in your nightmares as if you were waiting and submitting for him.

You couldn’t resist the feeling. At his call, your fingers would come to relieve the ache between your thighs. Playing with yourself as if you were alone, but it was far from the truth. He would watch as you pumped yourself two fingers deep, sighing and whimpering, satisfied that you no longer felt empty. 

Sometimes, well no most times, he would join you in your nightmares. He would tear your hands from your leaking cunt sparing mercy and you would complain against your sheets. The stranger wasn’t that bad, not for long at least, because he would fill you with his own two fingers, his eyes would dilate watching you fall apart. He was smooth and precise, he would curve his fingers, hitting your g-spot right on target, loving the sinful sounds you made as you arched your back and yelled moans without holding back. 

Once he was satisfied and right as you were about to explode, he would pull away, whipping his hard, swollen cock out of his pants and tugs on himself, forcing you to watch as he pleased himself . Of course you wanted it, but this was so wrong, very wrong. 

The worst part is he wouldn’t just give it to you, he would make you beg for it. “Talk to me baby, you want it?”

You would shake your head, denying him and trying to pull yourself from under him, but realistically it is all you wanted. You wanted to taste the beads that fell from the slit of his hard cock. He was fucking big and that itself made you go fucking insane, his hands wrapped around his length nicely. You tried to stop your thoughts from going any further, but your imagination was a powerful thing, thinking about how his pretty hands would feel wrapped around your throat instead of his dick. 

“Oh, you don’t? Maybe I’ll just leave you like this then.” He would say and it fucked with your head. 

That was the last thing you wanted. “But– m’ so empty.”

“Then beg for it slut, you don’t have to be empty and lonely for long.” His tongue was smooth and wet against your skin as he licked down your throat, sucking little marks onto your skin. He had you wrapped around his fucking fingers and there wasn’t a damn thing you could do about it. You wanted to move but at the same time, you wanted him to have his way with you. God can forgive you for this later. 

“I c-can’t.” 

“What a shame. I’ll just take care of myself and leave you here to watch.” He would start pumping his cock faster, tugging at the crown of his length. 

You made an agonizing sound of complaint. “Please.”

“Please what little kitten?” 

He was mean. So mean. 

And you were fucking stupid. 

“Please, f-fuck me.” You begged so sweetly.

The man would smile sinisterly before shoving himself deep inside you, forcing a scream of pleasure. He was not gentle in any way and you fucking liked that. As sick as it was.

He fucked you like his only mission was to make you come and drive you insane, pushing your legs far apart and brutally fucking deep into your walls.

He would watch you fall into your sheets, murmuring noncoherent words, completely submitting to the stranger you fell apart in his complete mercy. 

What an honor. 

“That's it baby. Squirt all over my dick.” His voice was always deep and you swore you could hear a smirk between his words. 

Like magic his words would rip intense orgasms out of you and he would fuck you through them all until you eventually collapsed unconscious.

You wake up in a gasp, the wet feeling between your legs nearly makes you gag. 

This can’t be. Not again.

“Baby, wake up.” A voice calls gently, soft hands soothe your back, patting and rubbing gently. “It’s just a nightmare, love. I’m here.”

“Joonie?”

“Yes baby. I’m here, go back to bed. I’ve got you.” His calm voice manages to settle the beating drum of your heart and still, this is the exact problem with these recurring nightmares. 

Even as your fiancé rubs circles into your back, all you can think of is the hands of that strange man that would fuck you into a delrious state. You hated it. It felt too close to cheating. 

If only Namjoon saw what your nightmares truly consisted of, he would be horrified and disgusted. Every night was worse, the guilt slowly started building in the pit of your stomach as you would daydream about the nightmare over and over and over. 

…

“You okay baby?” Namjoon’s voice was gentle, aware that your mind was somewhere else during dinner.

“I- yes.” But you weren’t okay. Not one bit. Flashbacks of the man in your nightmares would haunt your thoughts. These nightmares would play in your head like old memories.

His hooded eyes watching as you fucked yourself open. He would whisper things like, ‘that’s it kitten, so fucking wet all for me’ and ‘good kitten, nice and tight for me’. 

“Imagine what your fiancé would do if he saw the way you squirm in my hands. He could never fuck you the way I could, kitten. Isn't that right? Only I fuck you exactly the way you like it. My little submissive kitten.” 

“Please.” Begging is all you could muster to do in your dreams. You felt pathetic. You never wanted someone so bad. The guilt only grew stronger when you realized you were fucking addicted to your own dreams. You started chasing these nightmares. 

What was wrong with you? 

“Baby?” Namjoon called your attention once again, smiling apologetically. “You feeling okay? Your face is quite flushed.”

Your hands fall onto your face feeling the slight burn against your palms. “Sorry. I’m okay, just a little hot in here is all.” 

“It’s the end of October baby. It’s been really cold out. I’m surprised you aren't begging me to warm you up by now.” He tries to carry the conversation into a lighter, more casual matter. 

A nervous smile breaks out onto your lips, as you brush a piece of hair out of your face. “Must just be experiencing hot flashes. It happens when I’m a bit more stressed than usual.”

“Anything you wanna talk about? You know you can talk to me.” He’s sweet and present for you as usual. You feel your heart drop thkining about how this is what you are missing out on by feeding into those stupid fucking nightmares. Something had to change. 

Wake up, Y/N. 

“Yeah, I know babe. It’s nothing to worry about. Just work stuff.” You make an excuse for yourself and it seems to work, for now. 

“Mm, okay. Don’t be afraid to come to me for anything. I don’t want you suffering alone.” Your fiancé places a hand on top of yours, squeezing it softly. 

“Thank you, Joonie.” This time you give him a real smile, but the guilt still stays hidden deep inside you watching as he reciprocates the smile back at you.

“There’s my beautiful bride-to-be. Stop worrying so much baby. Maybe you should take some time off from work. You know sleep usually makes you feel better. It always has. My sleepy girl.” 

And there it goes and hits you all at once again. 

Guilt. So much guilt. Sleep doesn’t even feel enough these days. The nightmares make you feel as if you never rest. You are clearly aware that dreams aren’t real life, but you even wake up sore from them. It’s scary how realistic it all feels. Maybe that’s why this makes it worse for you. Everything feels too real.

“Yeah… I’ll think about it.” But you won't because time off means resting and resting means more sleep and more time for these nightmares to keep haunting you. It’s like you will never win. 

“Eat your dinner baby, it's getting cold.” 

—-

The daydreams continue even at work. 

“Let me see that perfect ass, kitten. Turn around for me.” 

It’s like he completely owns you, hypnotized by his voice. You immediately present for him, face down and ass up sitting so nicely. 

“Fuck kitten, look at you. Tell me, does that lame fiancé of yours ever play with this ass?” 

You whimper a ‘no’ feeling a glob of spit drip into your unused, virgin hole. His thumb caressing the wet ring of muscle, watching you clench around nothing.

“I’ll change that soon, kitten. Just how you like it.” 

Namjoon wasn’t necessarily opposed to butt stuff, the one time you mentioned it he briefly dismissed it. Granted, he was busy at the time with some work, and you were too embarrassed to bring it up again. 

It seems you got lucky nonetheless. 

The man blows hot air into your wet hole, his lips felt soft against your ass. He would leave a kiss here and there before his tongue peaked out and circled around your rim. 

“Yes, yes, yes.” You weren’t the most vocal sexual partner yet somehow, under his touch, you were the loudest. 

Moans fell dangerously loud from your lips as he would continue to fuck his tongue deep inside your ass. Stopping every few seconds to stare at your puffy rim, gaping around nothing. Fuck, what a sight for sore eyes you were. 

“Please.” 

“What baby?” His palm was heavy against your ass, watching it bounce back. 

“More.” You would beg. 

“Anything.” He would purr back. 

A thumb circled around the velvety muscle before pushing right in, fucking his thumb alongside spit that dripped from his mouth. 

Yes. Just how you like it.

“Y/N?” Your coworker brushes a hand against your shoulder. “You doing okay?” 

“Shit– yeah, my bad Yoona. I’ve just been feeling a bit sick lately, I think I’m coming down with a cold.” Which is a complete lie, but how do you tell your coworker you’re having wet daydreams about another man (who by the way only exists in your imagination) that isn’t your fiancé and that it is taking over every part of your life and that the guilt of it all sits heavy on your chest as days pass by and there is nothing you can do about it, but indulge in these dreams and practically live in them because you’ve become an addict. 

Yoona breathes out a light hum. “You don’t seem sick.” 

Fuck.

“Yeah… well it’s just starting, my throat feels dry and sore these days.”

“Maybe you should take a day off?” She suggests. 

“Yeah, maybe.” You agree just so she gets off your back. 

“You’ve been working a lot these days anyways. I’m sure Mr. Gyun wouldn’t mind if you called off. You’re one of his favorites anyways.” She laughs and you fake a smile. 

“Yeah, right. I’ll think about it. Let's just focus on work. We need this revised and sent off by Monday.” 

“Sure sure. But I’m being serious, take a day off or two, you look like you need it. You seem… tired?” She says, worrying by the sound of her tone. 

Because you know she will never let this go, you reassure her. “Yoona, I love you to death, but don’t worry too much, okay? I’ll take some time off if it gets worse. Thank you, really.”

“Alright, just looking after you Y/N. Your soon-to-be husband would kill me if I didn't.”

“I’ll tell him you’re doing a great job, now back to the transcripts…”

—-

You knew the night would eventually come. 

There was only so much you could ignore and forget. 

A sudden rush of heat wakes you from one of your nightmares, the jolt in your body scaring Namjoon awake beside you. You knew that he meant no trouble, but he gave you the face of ‘this again?’ and you could no longer push it aside. 

“Baby?” Namjoon’s voice is tired and filled with sleep, but he asks anyways while patting your back gently, as he always does when this happens like the sweet fiancé he is. “What happens in these dreams anyways?”

How do you tell your husband-to-be and boyfriend of seven years that you get completely ruined by another man in your sleep? 

Namjoon was far too sweet and innocent to get mad at you for this and you knew that. Yet the guilt never stopped you from feeling terribly about the situation. 

“You won’t be upset with me?” Your voice comes out as a whisper. 

Namjoon stands to turn on the nightlight by the bed before he lays back and wraps his strong arms around your waist. “Baby, look at me.”

With heavy eyes, you look back at your fiancé. 

His palm cradles your soft cheek, pushing a loose hair behind your ear. “I could never be upset with you, my love. It might help to talk your nightmares through. I’ll be right here with you baby.”

With shaking hands, you take a deep breath. “Well, I don’t know where they come from, but there’s this man in my dreams.” 

Namjoon raises a brow, doing his absolute best to understand you even while the clock reads in bold 3:44am. 

“This man, he’s dressed in all black. He— he has these dark eyes.” 

“Dark eyes?” 

“Yeah, he— his eyes are dark, sharp all around, it’s sinister.” 

“Okay. What happens?” He whispers, pulling you even closer into him, your hand falls into his chest for comfort.

“He— he…” You struggle finding the right words. 

Namjoon’s eyes go wide. “Baby, d-does he hurt you?”

No. Of course not. In fact, he does the opposite. The man pleases you until you can’t give him anymore and he leaves you with sore limbs and the burning stretch between your legs as a reminder of what he’s done to you and what he’s capable of. 

You quickly shake your head. “No but he- he touches me and does things to me.”

“Oh honey, why would I be mad at you about that? That’s completely unacceptable. Nobody should be touching you or doing things to you if you don't want it. I see now why this bothers—” 

“Joonie, I feel,” you start and swallow the awful feeling in your throat, “ I feel like… if I've been cheating on you.”

“Baby, I know you would never. They’re just nightmares after all. It’s not like you enjoy it baby.” This is what you mean by Namjoon’s too innocent and kind-hearted to see past the lines between your words. 

“But- I.”

“Wait… do you? Do you enjoy them?” Namjoon almost looks hurt to ask the question, but he’s quick to reassure you. “It’s okay baby, if you do.” 

“I do.” You whisper like it’s some dirty secret.

There’s a pregnant pause before Namjoon pulls you completely flush against his body, rubbing circles behind your back. “It’s okay baby, it's okay. They’re just nightmares. They mean nothing.” 

He kisses your hair for comfort and you let out a sob because they are much more than that to you and you know it. They are all you can think about. Shit, you think if you were given the chance, you would actually let that man have his way with you in real life. And it makes you feel disgusting because you know you enjoy this dynamic way too much.

At first, it was terrifying, you didn’t know the man and he, well he just became a weakness and you wanted him so bad, as much as you hated to admit it. Your imagination was a powerful tool. Why you and why with him? Why couldn’t your dreams be with Namjoon, your high school sweetheart?

“I’m so sorry, Joonie. For all these long nights. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. The nightmares don’t stop, in fact they only feel longer and they get worse.” You cry into his chest. 

“I know honey, it’s not your fault. Just think of me whenever you feel this way, okay?” He pulls back, wiping your tears off with his sleeves. Your fiancé was so fucking sweet and that’s why you fell in love with him in the first place. He was never angry at you or disappointed. Namjoon was always patient with you and a complete sweetheart. God, you’re so fucking stupid. 

“And I’m not mad at you, okay? I never will be. Those nightmares mean nothing to me. I love you Y/N.” Your fiancé whispers into your hair, kissing the side of your face. 

Namjoon has always been way better than you because had you been in his shoes, you couldn’t phantom hearing about him enjoying the presence of another woman. He knew only one part of this story. Namjoon doesn’t know that you spend evenings, the time you have the house alone while he’s off at work, fucking yourself to this strange man’s voice in your head. That you open yourself up just how you do in your nightmares and you swear you hear his voice telling you to keep going. You swear you hear him calling your name asking you about how Namjoon would feel about this. Like if his whole purpose is to make you feel worse about the situation. He’s ruining your life and you’re letting him. You think you’ve given up and it’s just started.

“I- I love you too.” You reply.

Namjoon smiles apologetically, hands gentle against your skin. “Let’s sleep?”

You nod and he pulls you against his hard chest, rubbing your back while he attempts to lull you back to sleep. It eventually comes, but not before you wake to those dark eyes again and the nightmare continues. This time you don't even fight it. He fucks you until you feel yourself collapse and you swear nothing has ever felt better. 

…

The next morning Namjoon gently shakes you awake. “Good morning my love, you slept through your alarm. I figured you could take a day off so I called your boss to let him know you couldn’t come in today. I hope you don't mind.” 

“Joonie?” Your voice is the cutest in the mornings (according to Namjoon), he smiles watching you struggle to wake up. 

“Yes, my baby. I’m just getting ready to leave for work, but I wanted to say goodbye before I leave.”

Well, it’s not like you have a choice so you accept your fate. “Oh, okay. Thank you.”

“No problem, honey. You slept quite well. You didn’t even wake up this time! Did it help? Talking through it?” Again, Namjoon could be so clueless. 

The only reason you slept this well is because you were fucked into oblivion in your dream. As unbelievable as it may sound, you even felt sore down there. But he doesn’t have to know that, so he’ll just go off to work thinking that cuddles and his sweet words drifting you back to sleep actually worked. 

“Yeah… yeah it did. Thank you again. Have a nice day at work.” You say, still warmly tucked in bed. 

“I will, baby. ” He drops a peck into your cheek, smelling the fresh scent of his aftershave. “Call me if anything. See you later, my love.”

And like that you are left alone once again. The only thing that remains is the fluffy feeling of his plump lips buzzing against your cheek, a faint reminder that you are loved and have been for years, while you think about another man, one that only exists in your deepest darkest of dreams. 

—-

Hoseok doesn’t remember how it happened. All he knew is he was standing in a place unknown, sensing there was another being in the room with him. 

It's not his first time around a mortal human. No, in fact he had so much experience with lustful humans with all kinds of desires and wishes, but it has been quite long since he was manifested this strongly into someone’s dreams. 

His favorite part was watching them act as if they didn’t ask for it. Call for him. They would lie and say that they could never fuck a dead being. A ghost at that. As if they didn’t manifest him themselves. 

It's not like it was Hoseok’s fault for dying young and handsome and that now he tends to people’s guiltiest pleasures. It's not like he has anything better to do in the after-life. In reality, he’s doing people a grand fucking favor. The best thing about fucking a dead ghost is there’s absolutely no consequences, at least that’s what he always tells his victims. Unless you get addicted to one, then that’s really a personal problem. They can’t stay on mortal land forever, but for the time being Hoseok has become attached to his time here. Especially with his new little mortal toy. 

When he first heard the calling, he almost missed it. He was fucking another mortal, a man in his mid-twenties to be exact. The man had called for him in his dreams and he attended to his duty with pleasure. 

This man had a thing for clowns and Hoseok wasn’t no fucking clown, but he did his best to please him. His outfit was in all black (of course, it was his favorite color) and fit him quite well though it was different from his usual style, even down to the clown hat and all.

The guy would scream under Hoseok as he would pound into him like some fuck-doll and would have him come undone within minutes. He was so fucking easy to please. They always are.

When Hoseok came to you the first night. That’s how you found him. He still had the same outfit on (he was ripped from the last dream) and his hat had nearly fallen off in the process, but he was pleased when he came across his next victim. You were beautiful. 

“Who— who are you?” You screeched, covering yourself up, cheeks flushed. You had been doing unspeakable things to yourself in the dream. “What are you doing in my room?!”

Hoseok smiles. God, they always are the same. “Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to and don’t mind me, keep doing what you were doing before I had rudely interrupted.”

The stranger goes to sit by the vanity in your room, making himself extremely comfortable as if it is a regular Tuesday night for him. 

You try to stand and it's like something washes over you. The strange force pushes you back down and you have no choice but to take it. 

The man chuckles, throwing his hat aside. “Don’t hurt yourself trying. Just let your instincts guide you. Tell me what it is you want, this will all go much smoother and much faster.” 

The stranger in black winks and you feel disgusted (though your pussy doesn’t seem to agree with you).

Still you manage to say, “I want you to get out of my fucking room. I’m about to get married, you know and he’ll fucking kill you.” 

“Ohhh.” He purrs, standing as he walks across the room. He stops a couple steps from your bed and leans down to match your height. “But you asked for me to come, baby. So guess what? Now I am your problem.”

He pinches your nose, wrinkling his own in the process and flashes a charming smile. 

You swat his hand off you almost immediately. “I— I didn’t ask for anything. I don’t even know you and I don’t want to know you.” 

“Mm, but soon we’ll know each other very well. Let’s not fight this.” The man’s voice is silky and you could practically see the sinful desire in his eyes while they take in your naked figure. 

You have no idea what he even means by that, but right now you could care less. This is just a nightmare and soon enough, he will disappear and you will get to go back to doing what you were doing before he ever existed. 

“Leave me alone please.” 

The guy puts his hands up clearly coming and going in peace, while retreating back a few steps. “Whatever you say princess. I’ll be back when you’re ready.” 

And just like that the man disappeared into a black distorted shadow. 

He shows up only three nights later. 

This time he catches you on your knees, riding a dildo on your bed. You don’t even hear him until he’s in front of you. Your hips stop mid roll. Whimpering as you feel the tug on your hair.

“Seems you’re ready.” He rasps, having a strong grip on your hair forcing you to look up at him. 

“I— who the fuck are you? Seriously? What do you want with me? I know I’m dreaming and I can wake up any secomd so what the fuck do you want with me.” This time you don’t even entertain him. It’s clear this man has his own vulgar intentions, you wanna skip the small talk. He doesn’t seem like the type to give up until he gets exactly what he wants. 

“The better question is what do you want with me. You manifested me after all, darling.” 

Your eye twitches at the pet name, but you ignore it, for now. “But— I don't know you. How is that fucking possible?”

Even though he knows you won't understand it completely, he still answers truthfully. “I’m dead baby. Anything is possible.” 

Great, so you’re just supposed to believe this man is some ghost haunting you in your dreams. Perfect!

This time you don’t ignore his stupid use of pet names. “S-Stop calling me that.” 

“Oh?” The man pouts, and to be honest that does something to you. If the situation was different maybe you would admit he looks fucking sexy, even if he’s a menace. 

His brows furrow, his jawline clenching as he speaks. “Is there another pet name you like? We’re already getting farther than last time, princess.” 

You don’t even attempt to hold back the scoff, your eyes roll back. “No. I don’t— I didn't ask for you and I don’t want you bothering me anymore. Just please leave me alone. Please.”

The man groans, looking down at you with hooded eyes, the fist in your hair grips harder reminding you that he still had you under his control. “God, but you sound perfect begging. Are you sure of that, kitten?”

The man's voice drops in a sultry tone, nearling purring while he speaks. And somehow, that manages to slip a whine from your throat, nearly drooling at the sight. 

Your eyes immediately widen. “I— I didn't mean that.”

“Oh, so that’s what you like.” The man smiles, petting your head affectionately. You were fucked. “Of course you didn't. You were so close weren't you, kitten?” 

You shake your head, you’re unable to look away, but at the same time you want to throw his hands off you. You felt completely powerless under his gaze and you were liking it a lot more than you would like to admit. 

“Don’t bother lying to me princess, I can smell it. You were so fucking close.” He whines the last part, biting his bottom lip, he seems to breathe in the scent. “So fucking close. I’m sorry. I always join at the worst times, you can continue.” 

He offers like a fucking weirdo, pervert and still you disgustingly want it. 

“I said, don't call me that!” Your hand flies to his and forces it off you. 

“Then talk to me.” He’s rough, but firm with his tone. 

“No. I don’t- can't and I won't. Go bother someone else.” 

“I can’t. You asked for me and you brought me here. Now you have to deal with this.” He doesn't attempt to put his hands back on you, but he does let his gaze wander seeing as you still haven’t moved from your dildo. 

“This is bullshit. It’s just in my head anyways. If I close my eyes it’s like you aren’t even here. Now let me fucking come in peace.” Your eyes closed in the middle of your rant and he seemed to listen. Hoseok backs off, watching you from your wall to be exact, but he lets you take care of yourself. That’s what he’s there for after all. 

After a few seconds of calming yourself down and regaining your arousal, you slowly lift yourself up feeling the dildo pull against your walls and you drop yourself back down. 

Hoseok was right, you weren’t too far away from coming, but he messed up your pace and now you have to work yourself back up. 

It doesn’t take too long before you set a quick pace, fucking yourself onto the silicone length. 

Truly it wasn’t that you and Namjoon’s sex life was bad, in fact he was the best fuck of your life (not that you had much experience given he was your high school sweetheart) but after years of being together, things had changed, a lot. 

You don’t even remember the last time you guys got creative in bed, besides a few vibrators from time-to-time. It was starting to get boring and you didn't want to admit this to him, but you wanted so much more. It's like your body was begging for it. And you didn’t want to hurt his feelings by saying it, so instead you kept it to yourself and the sexual frustration built up overtime making it impossible not to think about constantly. 

You gasp when you finally open your eyes to find the man watching you with heavy lidded eyes from your wall, he’s not even touching himself, but you can see he’s hard in his pants. 

He licks his lips as he watches you jump down on the dildo ferociously. Your eyes make contact and that's when everything seems to explode.

Moans start slipping from your lips and you feel the knot in your stomach start to build quickly. The silicone molds around your walls perfectly, feeling the tip brush against your sweet spot repeatedly, fisting the sheets below you. 

Hoseok’s nose seems to flare and he can practically taste your arousal in the air. He watches as you bounce on that useless dildo, wishing it was his cock instead. Your mouth falls open, drool nearly spilling while you feel the knot coming undone.

It isn’t long before Hoseok finally decides to speak and it does wonders. “Come, you fucking slut.”

Fuck.

On call, you come and he’s forced to watch you moan and writhe against your sheets, feeling the dildo slowly push out of you. 

He pushes himself off the wall and comes towards you and you feel too exhausted to push him away. You are laying in the middle of your bed now, dildo still between your legs but it’s fallen out. 

You feel as he pushes the dildo back inside you overstimulating your used hole as he fucks it into you deeply. You really, really shouldn't let this happen. You are going to be a married woman soon for fuck’s sake, but it all feels so fucking good- risky yet new, so you can’t help but to feed into temptation. 

Sadly, your body denies it, for now at least. “N-No I can't. Not anymore.”

His action comes to a halt. “I know. Maybe next time, kitty.” 

And he disappears once again. 

Disappointment and guilt builds all too quickly. 

Disappointed that he didn’t stay and fuck you until you passed out. And guilt that you just came in the eyes of another man and on his call. 

—-

As expected, you spend your whole day off thinking about the stranger. The way he looks at you, the way he bites his bottom lip while taking you in. The way he grips your hair and clenches his sharp, symmetrical jawline when he has you falling apart in his hands. You could feel his touch, it’s impossible you know, but it all feels too real and it all happens so fast. 

He had a name now. He told you in one of your dreams while he was taking you from behind. 

“Say my name kitten. Who’s fucking you this good? Fuck, what a sight from behind. You’re just perfect all around, aren’t you?” Hoseok’s hands grip onto your ass cheeks, fucking into your pussy brutally. He hasn’t stopped pounding into you and it’s already been ten minutes. Maybe more? Maybe less? You stopped counting. Good dick leaves you feeling stupid. 

“H-Hoseok.” You whimper into your pillow, you think you have officially lost your fucking mind. 

“What?” You swear you can hear the smirk on his lips. 

“Hoseok.” You’re louder this time, but your voice is muffled, face falling into your pillow. 

“Louder slut!” There’s a sting on your ass and he has a fistful of your hair, lifting your face from up the pillow while he continues to ram into you from behind. You realize you are so fucking close and he knows it too, you try to meet his strong thrusts, but it’s no use because it knocks the air from under you. He manages to hold you up with a strong grip. “Fuck, fuck. You’re so tight around me, kitty. You gonna come on my dick now like a good slut? Huh?” 

“Yes!” This time your voice is loud and you scream without holding back. “Hoseok! Hoseok! Oh, nghh… fuck, Hoseok!” 

His name falls from your lips over and over while you come on his cock, just like he asked of you. That satisfies him enough and he squirts his own orgasm all over your plump ass, watching you come down from your own afterglow.

You had come to the fucked conclusion that the only way to possibly fucking fix something like this (as sick as it may sound) is to fuck it away. You had to tell Namjoon, maybe experiment a bit more just so you can finally get this man out of your head. Regain your peace of mind. Namjoon would do anything you’d ask of him, you could assure that. You just had to find a way to tell him so he wouldn’t feel it was his fault or as if he was lacking. Or you could just not tell him. 

Either way you think fucking this away would help for the time being at least.

Sex is a very special and intimate practice and that’s genuinely how it always felt with Namjoon. He always took his time with you and fucked you slow and deep. 

Before, you will admit that it was nice and that’s why he attracted you so much but now, you don’t want it to be nice or slow. You want someone to play rough, break your limits, and touch you in places you haven’t been touched before. You want to be tossed around, fucked until you can’t speak any coherent sentences. Was that just too much to ask for? 

(Hoseok sure didn't think so.)

Right as you had finished cooking dinner, Namjoon made his way through the front door, setting his work bag down by the coat rack.  

“You’re cooking?” Namjoon asks, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you in for a quick kiss. “Smells good.” 

“Yeah, I figured you deserved a nice meal to come home to. I didn’t have much else to do.” You swiftly kiss him back.

Namjoon pulls you in closer, arms holding you tightly. He still smells as fresh as he did when he first left. “I told you to rest, my love. You didn’t have to do anything.” 

“I know, I know. I really wanted to though. Let’s just eat, we'll talk after.” He nods and kisses your cheek once more. 

“Let's eat then.”

…

Namjoon decides a movie night is needed on a night like tonight. 

You were more clingy than usual (and of course, he loves it). So he puts on a random movie and allows you to cuddle him up to the fullest of your extent. 

“You’re so cuddly today, my love.” Namjoon whispers into your hair, mid-movie. 

“I just missed you is all.” And you really did, it's been long since you and Namjoon had an intimate night (maybe since these dreams started), you think it's finally time. 

He smiles rubbing his hand down your arm. “I missed you too honey.” 

You lift your head from his chest and lean in slowly, he immediately picks up on the drift and leans down to meet your lips. 

His lips are soft against yours, kissing you with gentle movements. His palm comes to rest on your cheek while you escalate the kiss. 

Your tongue comes up slowly and he lets you in quite easily. You take a hand and rake it down his chest, pulling yourself on his lap carefully. 

You start to slowly whine your hips, making it all too obvious about what you need and want. Namjoon follows along without complaints. 

“Do you wanna?” Namjoon asks, a bit breathless, bringing his forehead against yours. 

“Yes.” You whisper. “Yes, please.”

Namjoon smiles and steals one last kiss before he attempts to stand, thinking it would be best to move this to the bed, but you hold him down with a shove to his abdomen. 

“No. I want it, right here.” You say, finding yourself a little breathless yourself, you needed this. 

His eyes seem to widen for the moment, but he seems to agree and pulls you back in for a kiss, this time he lets his tongue push into your mouth further exploring. He tastes the sweet tang of red wine on your tongue and he groans into the kiss. 

You pull back only for a second as you get rid of your shirt and he starts to unbutton his own. Once the shirts are off, you tug your bra off freeing your breast and bring your lips back together with great force. 

Though he doesn’t complain, Namjoon is in shock. He hasn’t seen you this needy and desperate in years, he thinks? Or at least he doesn’t remember it like that. He lets you rut against his already hard member and kisses you with equal passion.

The next time he pulls away, he tugs on your leggings and he helps you out of them. Typically your panties come down with it, but you decide you’ll just push them aside. You return the offer by pushing his jeans down, including his briefs, his dick slaps against his stomach weighing heavy. 

Your mouth instantly waters, but right now you want him inside the rest will just have to come another time. 

Namjoon looks at you with so much love and admiration and for a minute, the guilt comes crashing down. You want him, you know you do so why is the guilt still there? Is it because even as you have your lover right where you want him all you can think about is how the stranger (Hoseok) from your dreams would have had you flipped onto the couch and had his way with you hours ago. Maybe he would have fucked you against the kitchen counter, defile the damn marble. Maybe he would have taken you right against your front door, like the slut you wanted to be for him. All you know for sure is he wouldn’t have let this much time pass. 

You shake your stupid thoughts away and look back up at your fiancé. This is where you want to be. Where you fucking belong. Without letting your imagination run wild, you rub yourself against Namjoon’s hard length, spreading your arousal all over him. 

“Fuck, you’re so wet baby.” He bites a moan back, feeling your warm juices, slicken his cock. 

You moan against his mouth when you feel the tip latch on to your hole, slowly sinking down on him. You feel his cock stretch your warm walls and he feels he could come already. It's just been so long (can anyone really blame him). 

You bring your hips up a bit before crashing back down feeling the burn on your tight heat. 

“So warm and tight baby.” His hands land on your hips, toying with the band of your panties. “Come here.”

Namjoon brings you flush against his chest slowing your movement, his lips crash into yours. The kiss feels much different from before. He doesn’t hold back, as soon as your tongue clashes with his, he sucks and bites it playfully. You groan into his mouth, accidentally squeezing harder against his length. 

“Fuck baby, just like that.” His dick twitches deeply against your velvety walls, you can tell he’s holding back. “I think I’ll come soon if you continue like this.”

Like hell, you’ll let him come now, you’ve barely had your fill. Without no desire to, you slowly slide off his dick, dropping knees first onto the cold floor below you. 

“Baby–” Namjoon starts, but you push his hands away as he tries to pull you back up.

“Let me do this, you’ll last longer.” He hesitates, but eventually surrenders, laying his hands aside. “Don’t be scared to use your hands, use my mouth, Joonie.”

Fuck. How could his own perfect, sweet wife-to-be sound this seductive? He hasn’t heard you talk this way since college. And it’s been years since that. He thought the years of young, hot sex were over but he’s been wrong all along. His fiancée was the sexiest woman in the world, that he was sure of. 

Namjoon’s hands find your hair and push you towards his glistening length. It’s already drying, shame, you thought, let’s keep it warm and wet. 

Wrapping hands around it, you take his cock into your mouth, sliding your tongue across the slit, hearing a raspy moan come from Namjoon’s throat. “That’s it baby, God your mouth feels incredible.”

The tip of his cock weighs heavy against your tongue. He’s breathing heavy, while he watches you take him in further. You warm his cock with your mouth just as nicely as when you were on top of him. 

Hollowing your cheeks, you take him as far as you could go, hearing his desperate grunts. Namjoon takes a grip of your hair (he’s still very gentle with it and you try not to be disappointed) and pushes you just a bit further, feeling your throat stretch around him. “F-Fuck baby. I really won’t last.” 

You tap his thigh and he immediately lets go when he sees your eyes water. You pull off with a pop to catch your breath. “I know.”

Your voice is raspy and it’s the sexiest thing Namjoon has ever heard. And you know exactly how to make this whole situation better. Sometimes, a little whiny purr in your voice is all that’s needed to get exactly what you need. “I just want you to come down my throat. Please, fuck my throat daddy.”

Now if Namjoon wasn’t sure he could bust before, he could definitely nut in your fist right in that instant. Yes, he has a daddy kink, sue him. 

“Come here.” Namjoon demands, doesn’t hesitate this time to tug you up a little harder and place you in his lap, before he shoves your back against the couch.

“W-What are you doing?” You ask, but the answer is pretty obvious when you see him line his cock up to your hole.

“Fucking you. I’m gonna come inside you. Don’t worry baby, I won’t stop fucking you until you are statisfied.” It’s like music to your ears, his hard member slaps against your clit before he slowly eases back inside you. 

Both moaning at the feeling, he lets you adjust for a few seconds, but you waste no time to wrap your legs around his hips and pull him close. 

“Please daddy, just fuck me.” You whine into his ear. 

This time Namjoon pulls back and right before he slides out, he slams back in, balls smacking into your ass. He fucks you just like that for a while. He’s fast but skilled, finding your sweet spot quite easily. It reminds you both of older times, when things were much easier, when you were both young and easily influenced.

You moan loudly into his neck, toes curling as he fucks his dick deep inside you. “Right there daddy, please don’t stop.”

Sweat starts forming on his forehead and his hair that had once been held back by gel begins sticking to skin. It isn’t a surprise to feel him thrust harder and faster, his tongue poking at his cheek as he concentrates. “Fuck baby, I really missed fucking you just like this. You feel so tight around me, look so fucking sexy, just like this baby.” 

You eat up his praise, biting your bottom lip as you feel the tight grip he has on your hips, drilling into you like he used to. Fuck, maybe you were right. This was exactly what you needed. There’s no Hoseok in your head right now. No unwanted thoughts in your mind. It’s just you and Namjoon. How it always should have been. 

A whimper falls between your lips and you feel Namjoon leaving hickey’s around your tits, covering them beautifully with his own little marks. 

Your legs start to shake around him, and warmth starts spreading through you quickly. “Daddy— I- I think I’m gonna fucking come.” 

Namjoon grunts, mouth around your nipple while he pulls off to speak. “Yeah baby? You wanna come?”

Yes. 

No.

Not really.

Preferably you would like him to control your fucking orgasm, flip you around, start pounding into you until you can’t hold yourself together but this will have to do. 

“Y-Yeah. I wanna come.” 

“Come sweetheart.” It’s not long before you moan sweetly through an orgasm, Namjoon fucks you through it as promised and you feel like you are levitating, he maintains sinful eye contact. His thrust starts to become sloppy and you feel the instant he lets go. 

“Inside daddy, inside.” With one final strong stroke, Namjoon comes deep inside you, his breathy moans feel hot against your ear. 

There’s a few minutes of heavy breathing, settling into the couch below you. Namjoon’s breaths follow close behind yours, arm tucked below your breasts, he lays behind you. 

“You were so wonderful my love, I’m sorry we don’t do that enough.” Namjoon breaks the silence, kissing the side of your head.

For the twentieth time that week, guilt falls heavy onto your chest. You didn’t deserve him, he didn’t deserve this. 

“No, don’t apologize Joonie. It’s my fault, really. I’ve just been… out of it. But I feel much better. All thanks to you. Thank you, thank you for everything you do for me and our home.” You start getting emotional, but you don't let your tone waver. You didn’t want him to know. 

“You know I’d do it all for you, my love” He whispers into your hair, kissing along the soft skin behind your neck. “I can’t wait to marry you baby.” 

There it is again, guilt. 

“I know, I know. Me either.”

“I love you.” He doesn't hesitate to remind you sweetly. 

It hurts to say it with all that is going through your mind, but you force a reply anyway. “I love you too.” 

…

Sleep comes over you quickly that night. 

Finally, you had fucked your sweet and loving fiancé and for once, your dreams don’t start off with you fucking yourself into an orgasm. 

In fact, you don’t dream, at least you don't recall. 

Hoseok immediately knows something is different when he arrives. He doesn’t smell arousal in the air, no this time he can tell you’ve been fucked. He can smell the come leftover deep inside your walls. He’s impressed to say the least. 

He watches your chest rise and fall, a small pout framing on your lips. You sleep beautifully, he thinks you will look even better after he’s done with you for today.

With careful steps, he makes his way to the end of your bed, you jerk your arm so suddenly in your sleep and he holds back a laugh. He’s quiet when he sits besides your sleeping head, gentle fingers run through your hair. 

“Mm.” You hum sweetly in your sleep, molding against his touch, thinking it was your husband-to-be playing with your hair like he normally does. 

Before you hear him say, “someone had a good night. Isn’t that right kitten?”

Your eyes widen, nearly jumping out of bed, but Hoseok’s hands stop you from moving. “It’s just me baby.”

“H-How?” Your voice is raspy with sleep. “You were supposed to be gone.”

Hoseok smiles wide, hand still caressing the back of your head. “Did you really think that would happen, kitten?”

“Yes.” 

“You let him fuck you.” He says like he knows for sure it's a fact. He doesn’t look too happy about it and your deafening silence answers his unspoken question. He pats your cheek. “Naughty kitty.” 

You gulp, his pretty hand wrapping around your throat as he asks the next question. “Did you like it?”

“Yes.” It’s not a lie and he knows it too. 

“Yeah? He fuck you better than me?” You gulp again.

“Yes.” No.

“Why do you lie to me, kitten?” His eyes flash red (they don’t), but the look he gives you is enough to warn you. Things are about to get serious so fast. “I know everything.”

You know that saying people say about fucking around and finding out. You were about to fuck around and find out real fucking fast that Hoseok doesn’t play with his toy. 

“Then what the fuck are you going to do about it, huh?” The only warning you get is Hoseok’s smile and then he’s fisting your hair tightly. Jawline clenched, watching as his eyes hood and darken. 

“Fuck yourself open, you slut.” He drops the grip on your hair and stands, serious look on his face, he’s not fucking around at all tonight. His hands are quick, tugging his belt off. “Make it quick.”

When he sees you still haven’t moved, a warning comes to you by a strong fistful of hair, shoving you so closely against his face. His breath hits yours, but your lips don’t touch, even though they are so fucking close. You’re tempted to steal a kiss from those soft looking lips, but you’ve acted up enough. “I said, fuck yourself open.”

He drops his grip, letting your head fall into the mattress. Hoseok’s voice is strong and demanding so you stop fucking around and pull the sheets off your body. His eyes fall on your breasts, they are covered in hickey’s freshly made by Namjoon and he tries not to let that affect him. But damn him, he wishes it was him instead. He knows you would never sleep unsatisfied. He would always make sure you slept fucked and sated. Even if that meant, falling asleep on his cock. 

There’s a slight burn when your finger finds its way to your pussy. Namjoon did a number on you, but it makes it easier to fuck yourself open. His come still settling deep inside you.

Hoseok has his shirt off now and he tugs his briefs and pants down all at once, his cock springs out, looking delicious as ever. You hear a dark chuckle behind you. “Uh-uh, wrong hole kitty, I’m fucking that ass tonight.” 

You whimper when his hand comes to stop your movements. 

“I’m not fucking that dirty hole. Turn around. I wanna see you from behind.” He’s not putting it up for question. You push yourself up on your knees and fall back against the bed, lifting your ass towards his direction. 

He curses behind you and smacks your ass. Leaving a red hand mark behind, it almost is as pretty as your face. “Fuck kitten, you really are pretty all around. Fuck that hole open for me.” 

You feel spit hit your hole and your index finger rubs his saliva around your rim. Your chest is heavy, this time for different reasons, you are completely breathless. 

You can’t see Hoseok, but you hear as he opens the drawer beside your bed, it’s where you kept all your toys and lube. You are a finger-deep inside your ass when you hear the lube cap open, Hoseok is kind enough to warm the lube a bit between his fingers before he rubs against your rim and finger. He lets a bit of the lube dribble down your ass cheeks. Hoseok likes it a bit messy and wet. He clicks it close and tosses it besides you. 

“My perfect submissive slut.” He whispers, hands settling on your ass as you finger yourself open with two fingers now, the burn hurts but it feels so damn good. Namjoon has never fucked your ass, but it has always been one of your sexual desires. Nothing could ever compare to an orgasm through anal and Hoseok has taught you a lot about that. 

Another glob of spit hits your rim and you feel him squeeze a finger in. The burn of three fingers tear through you, moaning into the sheets.  “Mm, fuck.” 

He grins watching you hold back moans, biting your lips hard. 

“Maybe I should punish you tonight.” He suggests, still fucking his finger in your ass alongside your own. “If you come like this I’ll let you suck my dick if I’m still feeling nice.”

You complain, turning around to face him, back still arched. “No… please, please Hoseok. F-Fuck me. Fuck my ass.” 

“No.” He’s cold like usual and you know he won’t budge so it's no use. 

“But I-I’ve been waiting patiently. I thought all day about you.” It almost sounds like a purr and Hoseok loves it, spanking the fat in your hips this time with an unoccupied hand. His finger is still deep inside your ass and doesn’t let down. 

“Yeah? Tell me about that.” He starts to jerk himself off in the process, the leftover lube in his fingers makes the slide easier, his tongue wets his lips while he maintains eye contact. 

Your cheeks are burning but you continue, “I thought about your huge cock splitting me open. Forcing me to take you e-even when I can’t anymore. I thought about you spitting into my messy hole like you always do. I thought about you fucking me open against the door. Even the kitchen counter. All day, I’ve missed you all day.”

This seems to satisfy him enough so he plays nice. “Turn over. On your back. Show me those tits.”

He pulls his finger out slowly and you miss it immediately but you listen, your own fingers slide out as you turn around for him. His knees hit the bed pulling your thighs apart as he falls between them, his arm falling beside your head. He’s still fisting his hard length, watching your tits rise and fall as you breathe. 

His tongue comes out and licks around your breasts purposely avoiding your nipple. “You let him mark you.” 

“He’s my husband-to-be.” You answer, holding back a moan when he sucks on your skin, gentle enough not to make any marks. “Of course, I did.” 

“Mm.” He hums into your skin, it vibrates and your pussy responds to this, leaking arousal into the sheets. “What else did you let him do, kitten?” 

“He fucked me.” You whisper, practically vibrating below him. 

“Oh I know that. I smell it.” He looks like he wants to laugh, but instead continues sucking around your other breast, giving both tits the attention they deserve. 

“Squeeze them together.” He orders and you listen quickly. His tongue slides and sucks between them, still avoiding your nipples and it drives you insane. You want to feel him. 

“Please.” Your voice is weak.

“Please what?” He asks, looking up dumbfounded, but he knows exactly what you want. He’s making you work for it. “Tell me kitten. What do you want?” 

“Y-Your mouth.” You struggle. 

“Where?” He breathes out, right on top of your nipple, tongue nearly sliding against it. 

“R-Right there.” Your eyes never move. 

You watch as he sticks his long, pink tongue out and very slowly licks your already hardened nipple. 

“Here?” He asks between his own breaths and you moan softly, sounding sweet against his ears.

“Yes.” You whisper-moan. 

He drops his cock, letting it hit your cunt while he starts to suck on your nipples like they deserve. There’s nothing sweet and gentle about this. It’s like he wants to replace Namjoon’s love bites and leave you with his own. 

He switches off onto the previous breast and his hand comes to play with your other breast while he attends to the new one. He licks and sucks harshly, bruising your tender skin. You writhe against him, pussy brushing along his cock, but his hand comes to halt your actions quickly with a strong grip on your hip. 

“Be good, slut.” Is all he says before he continues marking your breasts and you can’t do a single thing, but moan and whine underneath him, feeling empty. The memory of Namjoon is long forgotten. 

Once Hoseok is satisfied with his work. He grins and pulls away. He grabs the bottle of lube beside you and lathers his cock in it. “Should I fuck you now?”

You are quick to nod and you feel bubbly. 

Finally. 

“Yeah? You think you deserve it?” He tempts and teases, his lubed fingers touch your chin and you open with ease, taking all three fingers he offers you inside your mouth. You suck hard and watch him bite his lip.  

You moan around his fingers, his other hand gripping his slicken cock and you feel it catch around your rim. 

“Beg for it, slut.” He slides his fingers out, saliva drips down your chin, you probably look a mess but you don't even care anymore. The sinful desire and lust is ten times worse than any other feeling. 

“Please, Hoseok. Please.” You beg. “I’d do anything. Anything.” 

He sees red for two seconds and then he says. “Then keep your legs open for me. Try to stay awake. Don’t disappoint me this time, kitten.” 

There’s no warning for when he plunges his hard length inside your slicked rim. You know he won’t be going anywhere near your pussy, keeping his promise. You didn’t deserve it. You let someone else use your hole and now he’s punishing you. 

“Oh. My. God.” You moan, it fucking burns, but soon his thrusts turn into pleasure and his cock brushes your sweet spot. It’s like he’s known you all your life, knowing the exact way to tear you apart, piece by piece. 

“Ghost actually, not God, but I’ve met him. He’s not the sweet and forgiving man everyone mentions he is.” Hoseok says this all while buried deep between your ass cheeks and you would actually laugh about this if the situation was different, but instead you moan and clench around him feeling his balls slap faster against your ass. “That’s it kitten, lose your fucking mind.”

And that is exactly what you do.

Hoseok continues ramming his hips into yours for a few minutes, you aren’t speaking clearly anymore so he doesn’t understand a word you tell him, all he knows is that you must be feeling fucking ecstasy by the way you roll your eyes and yell moans. 

His hands grip your hips and he comes to a stop. “Face down. Ass up. I wanna see that ass while I pound it from behind.”

You don’t reply to him, but you seem to understand. With weak movements, you move and nearly fall face first into the bed, weak limbs. You don’t even have the strength to hold yourself together anymore. Hoseok is kind enough to help though, he places a pillow below your hips, just high enough so he can slide right back inside your tight ass. 

He hears your muffled moans against your bedsheets, watching you weakly grip them. 

“Such a nice ass. It’s a shame really.” Your ass bounces while he mounts you from behind, it’s fast but precise, hitting your walls just right at every harsh thrust. 

“W-What is?” He barely hears you reply. 

“That this ass isn’t played with enough and soon I’ll just be a fidget of your imagination. You’ll forget I ever existed and you’ll never, ever receive the sexual satifisation you deserve. But maybe, one day, when it’s your turn to go, you’ll meet me in the after-life and I’ll show you just how much I’ve missed this sweet ass.” The ghost’s voice almost sounds sad and you freeze. You don’t want this to end. No.

“T-Then don’t stop fucking me. Keep me here forever.” You whisper frantically, breath hot and heavy. 

“Oh trust me baby, I would if I could. For now, I won’t stop. Stay awake, kitten.” You don’t even notice you are falling unconscious, the stretch and burn of his cock is exhausting and your ass takes him greedily, but his words wake you. 

He grips the side of your hips, pressing his thumbs into your back as he sets a faster pace. Slamming and ramming his dick deep within you. The moans and gasps that slip from your mouth sound so pretty, God he really wishes it would never fucking end, but he feels you slipping between his hands already. 

What the fuck can he do? 

Hoseok is close himself, how could he not be? He’s been practically edging himself for hours and now that he has such a juicy ass at hand, with the most perfect woman he has ever seen, he could practically come inside your velvet walls right now. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” You curse and moan below him, you tremple and shake, the knot inside your stomach is barely holding up. “‘M so close.”

He nods, forgets you can’t see him. He harshly tugs you around, still quite limp and weak between his arms. “Wanna see that face when you come on my cock.”

He plunges back inside, lips close to yours, but he doesn’t kiss you. And then you realize, he hasn’t kissed you. This entire time. He’s fucked you religiuosly for weeks on end and you don’t even know what those heart-shaped lips taste like against yours. Would they be as sweet as they look? Would he kiss you gently or would he be harsh and rough like the way he fucks? You wonder about it all at once and it makes you sad for a moment. You want a kiss. Why wouldn’t he kiss you? 

“Kiss me.” You breathe out, he’s grunting above your mouth still fucking you nice and deep. You are beyond positive you won’t be able to move your ass tomorrow but it’s worth it, it’s always worth it. 

He looks up and then looks back down, concentrating on his thrust, you moan but hold your ground. 

“Please. Kiss me.” You whisper, gasping when you feel the knot start to come undone. He knows you’re about to let go and this only drives him to bottom out faster and quicker. Skin smacking quickly against skin. Your asshole has been shaped and molded just for him. You’re loving every second of it, but he still hasn’t kissed you. 

Why?

Your arms weakly wrap around his shoulders, he breathes heavy and hot against your ear now. It’s messy, sweaty and his touch is usually rough, but it feels awfully gentle now. He’s still rough inside your soft walls, but something’s changed. 

“Hoseok.” You breathe, you’re so sad. 

He hums against your neck, avoiding your eyes. 

“Kiss me.” You plead again, he kissed your neck so softly, balls smacking harder and faster against your ass. “No, my lips.”

“Goodnight, kitten.” He whispers sounding sad into your ear before he lifts his face from your neck and those heart-shaped lips touch your softly, it’s almost sweet. You come undone as soon as you feel the touch of his magical lips and you swear you feel him come deep inside you.

It all disappears though. 

“Honey?” This time it's Namjoon, hand already around your waist. “You okay? Was it another nightmare?”

A tear falls down your face and Namjoon awes, bringing you into his warm embrace. “Oh honey, I’m so sorry.” 

Why are you crying? 

And where is Hoseok?

“I am too.” You simply say, crying harshly into his shoulder.

Hoseok watches the scene unfold from afar. He wishes you could feel the ache you’ve left him behind too and there isn’t a damn thing he could do but wait. 

“See you in the after-life kitten. There I’ll spoil you with all the kisses you deserve.”

You don’t hear him, but he knows he means well. Hoseok walks away permanently this time, he’s lost the feeling of his heart long ago, but he feels heavy-hearted and continues on his way to his next victim.  

Until next time.

#bts fanfic #bts smut #hoseok x reader #hoseok fanfic #hoseok smut #hoseok x y/n #hoseok scenarios #hoseok fic #hoseok angst #namjoon x reader #namjoon fluff #namjoon smut #namjoon angst #bts angst

[lloromanic0]

hiiii! i love ur writing and i saw you wanted more bill girlssss so here i am! do u think you could write a bill smut in his dread era (so underrated omg) ? thx🩷🩷🩷

Love all my Bill girls.

(Thank you so much for the request & for liking my writing!! I actually really liked writing this one.)

SMUT MDNI

Lil summary: needy Bill has been craving you for days.

He’s so majestic omfg

You sat on the bed with your laptop on top of you, you had a long essay to hand in till the end of the week. Since you needed total concentration for it you told your boyfriend, Bill, you needed some alone time.You had been working on it for the past 5 hours, your sweet boyfriend would sometimes come inside the room quietly to hand you another water or bring you some snacks and you couldn’t be more grateful for him.

With all your university work, and his life as a lead singer you hadn’t been having much time for each other and that was really messing with Bill, he didn’t want to make you mad or bother you but all these nights he had to spend with a aching boner for you were driving him crazy.

After 20 minutes your boyfriend came inside the room but this time he just sat on the edge of the bed looking at you. At first you thought he just wanted to be close to you even if you weren’t doing anything together, but the way he kept looking at you felt like it was something else.

“Bill? What is it mein Fürst?“ you asked.

He looked down has he played with his fingers on his lap.

“I just…really miss you..” he replied with a sad voice, you thought he was so cute like that.

“I can take a break if you want.”

His eyes lit up, those beautiful brown eyes you adored so much.

“Come sit next to me.” He crawled on the bed and sat down. You placed your hand on his thigh.

“Tell me about what you’ve been doing lately, I’m very sorry we’re not spending a lot of time together my love.”

Bill talked about the plans he was making with the band, how the practice they he had yesterday went, how he wanted to take you to this new cafe he saw, you just loved hearing him talk about anything.

“But at night…it’s when I miss you the most Y/N…”

“Why is that Bill?” You knew exactly what he meant, you heard him at night trying to get off quietly next to you, but his little moans betrayed him.

“I miss your touch and your body on mine..” oh god how cute was he so needy for you. You rubbed his thigh moving to the inner part. His already hard cock begging for you but a hand job wouldn’t be enough to satisfy him he needed more.

“Baby…let me fuck you please..” he never asks for it you usually just take the lead and he does whatever you want, he must be really desperate.

You just smile at him and lay on the bed.

“I’m all yours Billy.”

He gets on top of you, you could see his hard cock poke through his sweatpants as he lowers them to free his aching erection. He takes your shorts off along with your panties, he felt like your pussy was calling for him, he needed to be buried deep inside of you.

Using his hands he spread your folds rubbing the tip of his cock on your clit, his whimpers filling the room as you admired your beautiful boyfriend pleasuring you.

Just the rubbing of his cock on your pussy was enough to drive him crazy but he craved the feeling of being inside your warm hole.

He slowly and gently insert himself in you, making you get used to his cock, no matter how many times you had sex with him getting used to his huge length always took a little bit of time. After rocking his hips slowly for a few minutes, he picked up his pace in desperation, leaning down to capture your lips in a deep kiss, you hugged him tight making him feel safe in your embrace, as he kept fucking you passionately. This moment being what he had wished for the most this past weeks, being inside you having your touch for him, you paying full attention to him was all he needed.

“Am I- making you feel good Y/N?” He questioned, he loved hearing you reassure him.

“So good~ you’re being so good for me Bill…mhhm keep going just like that-“ You praised him.

Your kind words were all he needed to get sent over the edge, now slapping his hips deep into you in a way to reach the orgasm he so desperately needed, his thumb now rubbing your clit to help you reach your orgasm with him.

“Cum with me mhhmn- please Y/N.”

“I’ll cum with you baby~ aahh just- keep going for me.”

His hips now getting week and his legs trembling as he kept getting closer to his release, your moans now louder and more frequent,in a few seconds you came all over his dick, coating it in your wet juices, the erotic sight made Bill cum with a few more strokes, his thick seed coating your insides as he kept slowly moving his hips riding his orgasm and also making you enjoy yours a little longer.

As he slowly pulled out,his huge load he had been keeping inside him all these days, slightly dripped out of your hole,with his finger he pushed his cum back into you making you exhale sharply.

“Thank you for this meine Liebling.“ he kissed you once more “I really missed you…”

“I missed you to meine Schatz. Ich liebe dich.“ you replied smiling at him.

“Ich liebe dich mehr…“ he shyly replied.

#tokio hotel #bill kaulitz #tokio hotel bill kaulitz #tokio hotel x reader #tokio hotel x you #tokio hotel smut #bill kaulitz smut #bill kaulitz x female reader #bill kaulitz x you #bill kaulitz x y/n #bill kaulitz x reader #tokio hotel fanfic

[imaslutforcuddles]

ESCAPISM

Eddie Munson x Fem!reader

summary | after being broken up with, you plan on being sad and lonely but others convince you sex just sounds too good not to drown in. You end up meeting someone at a bar, who you might just love forever.

words | 2k

warnings | smut (18+) oral (f receiving) fingering, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), pinv, DRUGS (don’t mix drugs and alcohol), substances, high sex, subby reader, drunk sex, multiple orgasms, aftercare, little angst, self pity, breakup bullshit, swearing, sex jokes, bitches, arguments, mention of cheating, idiots in love, a little bit of a sad ending.

A/N | i have been living off of escapism and i couldn’t not write a fic about it, imagine meeting eddie in a hot and sweaty club... Reader is called bean as a nickname in this because it’s cute, don’t judge. Also, this has a platonic love circle with y/n, robin, and steve (although he’s not really brought up in this). Their like a lil family. I might do a part two if yall want. DON’T DO DRUGS KIDS. 18+ MINORS STAY BACK.

a little context if you care to listen                                                                          find myself in a shit position                                                                                the man that i love sat me down last night and he told me that it’s over

You shoved a box in his hands with tears streaming down your cheeks, “There. it’s all your shit, now fucking go.” 

He grunts a little but stays put, “You know i still care about you right.” 

Sighing you start to push him out the doorway and onto the cold, “Have a good life Jason.” 

You aggressively moved your hand toward the door signaling that he needed to leave, when his heavy body wouldn’t move.

Huffing as your eyes start to burn, 

“Just leave, never ever talk to me again.”

He stares at you longingly as if he hadn’t ended just fucked another girl.

“I’m sorry.”

You slam the door and smack your face in disgust, 

how could he have done this to you?

- Three weeks of sulking later -

Robin groaned, “Oh come on y/n! We have to go out and get some, or at least you. God knows how long its been since you’ve been eaten out!” 

Your eyes widened and you huffed, “Jesus Fucking Christ Robin! I’m fine!” 

She stares into your soul arms crossed and eyes squinting. 

Raising your hands in defeat you exhale the air you had held while having a staring contest with robin, “Fine, but i don’t need some random dude to make me feel better.”

Robin shrugged, “Ehhhh not sure about that, but you at least need some weed or something.”

You smile and snuggled deeper into your bestie, “Love you robin.”

She grins and looks over at you, rubbing your shoulders with her soft palms.

“Love you too bean.”

Nights with Robin had been frequent since the breakup. It would start the same very time too, you’d call sobbing about him or about your depression and she’d show up at your doorstep with open arms. 

Things would be so different without Robin, you can’t believe you have a friend as amazing as her. 

-

dumb decision

The next day you saw her, she came in with a wide mischievous smile and two occupied hands, holding with clothes fit for a prostitute. 

“Robin what the fuck is that?”

She shrugged, looking from the outfits to you. 

You grasp the thin fabric if your hands, it did feel really nice..

“A little something to cheer you up? We can look like hot chicks, maybe fuck, maybe get some free drinks.”

You hesitated, free drinks.. 

“Alright fine.”

-

and i’m out on the town with a simple mission,                                                        in my little black dress,                                                                                            and this shit is sittin

So here you are, sitting in the back of the club holding a glass of champagne waiting for someone to sweep you off your feet and fuck you into oblivion.

As much as you didn’t believe in fairytales, this might as well be one. 

You scoff as a girl in your ‘friend group’ makes some lame joke about being horny and ready to party, and Robin hands you a joint and leans down to the shared table you were sitting at to snort another line. 

You take a long hit from the shared joint, “This is so fucking depressing.” 

“Maybe it wouldn’t be if you weren’t such a slut.” 

Some other girl across from you shouts over the music blasting around you, 

“What the fuck did you just call me?” 

Your face starts getting hot, you did not leave the comfort of your house just to get hated on by some random friends that Robin met up with at a shitty club. 

“I called you a slut. I mean come on, you got cheated on. It seems like you were too slutty for poor Jason.”

She grinned and you took another long hit. 

Damn can this shit start working?

“Do you even hear yourself? Your a fucking dumbass. So stop running my energy your not even worth it.”

Her smirk disappeared as your face stayed unfazed and stoic Your getting fed up with these girls around you. 

How did she even know his name? Bitch probably fucked him too.

Grabbing your glass, you got up and headed to the bar for some more liquid courage.

“If the drugs won’t fucking cooperate maybe the alcohol will.” You groan.

Walking up to the bar you had almost wished you stumbled a little. To at least show your a little high, but no.

“What do you want?” A bartender grunted to you, if you weren’t so done with people’s attitude you might have actually cared that he was grumpy. 

“The strongest shit you have.”

He took a deep sigh and smiled, “I’m sorry i was a bit rude there,”

You shook your head, “It’s all good buddy.” 

He grabbed a glass and a bottle of what looked like a mix of Spirytus and tonic, you tut and grin. “What makes you so sure i wouldn’t like something sweeter instead of tonic?”

Looking up at you he chuckled, “You don’t look like a sweet type.”

Putting a hand to your chest you fake a sniffle, “I’m offended. I’m totally the sweetest person you’ve ever met,” you pause waiting for a name. He smiles realizing why you’re not continuing, “Eddie, my name is eddie. What about you sweet stuff?” 

“Aha funny, i see what you did there.”

When you finally tell him your name his face softens, “That’s a beautiful name, it suits you.”

Eddie reaches for your hand, “Would you like to hang out with me after my shift?” 

You squint your eyes, “That depends.” 

His face contorts, he’s confused. 

“On what sweetheart?” 

Smiling you put your other hand on top of his, moving in closer to him. “On how quickly you can finish serving everyone else and start serving me.”

You grin while he just stands there awkwardly, “You don’t understand what i’m saying do you?”

Eddie awkwardly chuckles and shakes his head.

“Not in the slightest.”

Smiling, you reach for his collar to pull him onto your lips. You feel him tense up but soon relax and kiss back, “You don’t have to kiss me just because I kissed you.”

He smiles at your concern, “Don’t worry,”

Leaning in as close as he can from across the bar counter, he pecks your lips again. 

“I wanted to.”

Watching him grin as he writes his number down on a nearby napkin and slides it over to you just makes you even more horny. 

“Text me, I get off at one.”

You tuck it in your bra and smile, “Oh, I definitely will.”

He nods and walks off to serve more people, “Can’t wait sweetheart.” and you watch him the whole time. You watch as his arms flex while tossing around drinks, you bite your lip as he smiles at other customers. 

You would have watched him the whole night but robin eventually found you staring, all alone and took pity on you.

“You look fucking depressing,”

Scoffing you get ripped from your spot on the stool, “I’m good right where i am robin.” 

You wish that you would start to slur your words a little. I mean, it would make sense after all the glasses of alcohol you’ve been inhaling.

“Alright, let’s get you home.” 

Robin may have come to get wasted, but she doesn’t want you to regret your decisions more than you already do now.

She slid her hands under your slick armpits and held you up by your waist, thinking that without her you probably would have fallen straight on your face.

 And yet, you were fine without her. 

Scoffing to yourself and shaking your head, you push her away. “Just because i’m not with him anymore doesn’t mean i need you to take care of me!” 

You could tell Robin didn’t expect you were somewhat sober, she thought you were just wasted like all her other friends. But she shakes off the hurt and surprise in an instant, she knows what you’re doing. 

“I don’t think that you should be yelling at the only person who’s here for you.”

She walks away with a huff and leaves you alone. While, you frown and turn away to look at eddie. Who is still serving anyone with the flick of a wrist. 

“Hey! Eddie.” 

He turns to you and smiles mouthing a hello back. 

When you wave at him to come over, he can’t help but feel a growing buz at the bottom of his stomach. 

“What can I help you with sweetheart?”

“Your shift is over.”

You watch the confusion fall over his features, “I thought it ends in thirty-” Smiling, you grab him by the collar and pull your lips to his ear. “Your shift is over Eddie.”

He almost purrs at the way your voice whispers his name.

~

You push him against his bedroom door and moan into his mouth, “Mfmh Eddie.”

Eddie smiles at your whining and flips the two of you around, pushing his groin to yours. The making out only stops for a second as eddie pulls at your shirt, you grin and help him take it off.

Harsh puffs are pulled out of your mouth when Eddie latches his lips to your throat, sucking red spots all over it. 

“Agh,” You pant and pull him closer to your neck, and push your center towards his own.

“I need you Eds.” 

He grunts and pushes you onto his bed, grabbing his belt and ripping it off his pants.

You start to drool watching him undress, his body was lightly toned but oh so beautiful. 

As you start to reach for his dick he stops you and sighs, “As much as i’d love for you to touch me, I need to be inside you.” 

He grips your dress and pulls it off you in an instant groaning at the way your panties were drenched in your juices. 

“Is that for me?” 

You whine and shake your head. “It’s all f’ you Eds.” Pushing your head back you moan as he puts his fingers on your clothed core. 

He chuckles and rips your panties off, pushing a finger in between your folds and huffing at how warm you were. 

“A-ah Eddie!” Your body shakes at the sudden contact, and he pushes the finger inside you making your eyes widen and back arch. 

“Mmh is my sweetheart sensitive?”

You whine as he sticks another finger inside, pumping in and out slowly. 

“Eddie more please!” You beg and plead as he just stares down at you with a smile. 

He nods and smirks, “Whatever you say sweetheart.”

Eddie moves closer to you and starts to lick your clit. You just about cum then, but continue pleading for more. 

“Please, please, please!”

Soon enough the licks turn into sucking and slurping. As if he was a man starved, Eddie eats you out like a meal. Your back arches even more when you start to feel a coil in your stomach building up. As if he heard you, Eddie sucks on your clit harder and it snaps.

Your body shakes and your thighs close around Eddies head as he continues licking you through your orgasm. 

Eddie then comes up for air, as he smiles and huffs. “Your pussy tastes fucking amazing.”

With a whimper you pull his body closer to yours and reach down to grasp his cock, “Need you.”

He almost growls as you pull out what you wanted most and stroke it, “Damn sweetheart, your hands are soft.” 

You chuckle and help position him so he can push in comfortably. 

When he does finally fuck you it’s slow and soft. At first, you thought it was just going to be sweet until he started speeding up and pushing in harder.

As you moan he just pistons faster and rougher.

“You like that sweetheart?” He grins when you moan loudly in response, not being about to give a worded answer. 

You can feel his shaft getting harder as he gets close to release. 

Eddie grunts and huffs, pushing as fast as he can into you. 

“Ugh sweetheart i’m gonna cum!”

He reaches down to your clit and rubs, as you writhe and squeal gripping his shoulders. “Oh, Eddie!”

The both of you reach your peak together, hands pushing against each others bodies. 

When Eddie comes down from his high, he gets up and grabs you a towel wiping his cum off you. 

“Here you are sweetheart.”

He smiles and gets in bed next to you trying to hold you close, but when you feel something other than lust for him you push away. 

“This was just a hookup, an escape. Okay? Nothing more.”

Eddie frowns, but nods moving away from you. After a couple minutes of silence, you decide it’s too hurtful to just stay when you’re trying to convince yourself you aren’t good enough for him.

“I think I should just go.”

#eddie munson stranger things #eddie munson #eddie fanfic #eddie munson x reader smut #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x fem reader #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x y/n #stranger things season 4 #escapism #070 shake #smut #smut fic #stranger things #stranger things fanfic

[letstripdotcom]

right where you left me- matt sturniolo

a/n- AHHHHH SOMETHING THAT ISNT SMUTT!! alsooo i’m changing up my look a lil bit

summary- upon the loss of your favorite person, your life changes completely. you change, your family changes, your every day life changes, but some things never change. your best friend, matt, has always been there and will always be there for you. no matter what

warnings- loss of a loved one

-

I, I swear you could hear a hair pin drop

Right when I felt the moment stop

Glass shattered on the white cloth

Everybody moved on

I, I stayed there

-

i sat in the dim lit restaurant with my best friends, nick matt and chris. we shared jokes and laughter as we enjoyed our meals. the busy room was filed with chatter from all around. people talking about whatever was going on in their own lives. work, kids, family, friends

i was mid conversation when my phone started ringing. it was my mom. “sorry guys one second, this is important.” my grandma has been battling cancer for the past few months so my mom calls me with updates as frequently as possible.

“hello” i answered the phone.

“hey sweetheart” my mom spoke on the other end.

“hey, how’s grandma today?” there was an abundant pause. “mom?” i broke the silence.

“i’m sorry y/n” her voice broke.

“mom what’s going on?”

“she’s gone.” my mom nearly whispered

the world seemed like it stopped moving at that moment. the boys stopped their conversation and looked at me with concerned looks. the cup that was once in my hand was now shattered on the table. tears started to fall from my eyes as the phone disconnected.

“she’s gone” i sobbed, making my way to the exit of the restaurant. nick and matt followed behind me, but chris stayed back to pay and take care of the mess. the moment didn’t feel real. i could hear my heart beating through my chest, my ears rang, and my head spun.

i sat on the bench outside of the restaurant, trying to breathe between sobs. my chest felt tight, like it was shrinking and i was going to run out of breath at any given moment. nick sat down next to me. “she’s never coming back” i cried. he wrapped himself around me, pulling me into a hug. i laid in his arms and cried.

“i know it hurts honey, i’ve got you” he whispered. “me matt and chris will always be here for you” he let out quiet sobs.

“i didn’t even say goodbye.” the more i thought about it, the more my heart broke. “i can’t do this without her nick, she was my everything”

and it was true, my grandma meant the word to me. she was the one person who was there for me every moment of my life until now.

my mom had me when she was only 16, and she couldn’t take care of me, so my grandma did. she raised me and gave me the best childhood ever. when i turned 14, i moved in with my mom, but i still constantly spent time with my grandma.

she gave me the best advice, no matter the situation. from when i was 6 and sad about not having friends at school, to 16 and crying about boys. she never judged me. every word she told me was perfect. i was never truly sad when she was around, because she always made it better.

“we’re gonna take you home with us.” matt spoke softly. “we don’t want you to be alone at a time like this.”

i nodded and stood up. i slowly made my way to the back seat of the car. nick got in the back seat next to me, and i laid my head on his shoulder and slept the whole ride home.

“hey we’re home” i felt a soft tap on my shoulder. i opened my eyes to see chris and matt. i got out of the car and chris hugged me. “sorry about the glass” i hugged him back.

“don’t worry about it kid, i love you and i’m so sorry for your loss.” his words didn’t feel real. ‘sorry for your loss’ she really is gone. i separated from chris.

“okay let’s get you inside” matt picked me up and carried me in like a little kid.

“thanks matt” i smiled at him. i’m beyond grateful for the triplets, and how they’re always there to support me. i got settled in on their couch and went to sleep, exhausted from today’s events.

•••••••••••••••••••••••

a/n- AHHH HOW DO WE FEEL?

i literally cried a little while writing thisss 😔

#chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #sturniolo smut #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo smut #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo smut #smut #nick sturniolo #sturniolo

[bri-sonat]

Life Eternal

Follow up to Enjoy the Silence

Pairing: Brienne of Tarth x fem!knight!reader

Warnings: NSFW!!! heavy smut, semi-public sex, spit kink, scratching, praise kink, lil bit of degradation, corruption kink if you squint, sub!brienne, thigh grinding, angst.

A/N: i apologize for this. it was meant to be smutty but the song made me do it. i am already working on the very smutty (for real this time) ending, just so i don’t leave you all in the pit of despair. once again, english is not my first language so ignore grammar mistakes and such. once again, very sorry.

thank you to my dear bestie aron @queerofalltrades for proof-reading this for me. they’re doing the fandom a favor.

The first thing you noticed as you roused from sleep was the warm body next to you, her form pressed against yours, skin against skin.

The feeling of her naked flesh against yours was something you wanted to savor. Something to lock away in your memory vault to pull out in case of emergencies.

The taller woman had her arm slung over your waist, your legs gracefully tangled together. Deep, hot breaths against your cheek made you open your eyes, taking in your surroundings.

Brienne was still asleep, soft snores leaving her slightly opened mouth. Taking advantage of the situation, you locked away the sight of her, face so peaceful and unforced. Her hair messy from sleep, blonde locks falling freely.

It was only you who would ever get the chance to see her like this, with her guard down and utterly defenseless. Knowing the amount of hurt she had suffered in her past made you even more proud of her for trusting you in this way.

Brienne had trust issues, that much was obvious for those who knew her. Eyes hiding so much sorrow only seen by those she trusted enough, people like you. She wanted you to see everything about her, therefore she allowed you to look inside the deepest and darkest corners of her soul.

However, that also permitted you to see the most lit up ones, shining so brightly it was blinding. Like the glint that would appear in her eyes when she smiled, or the way they would light up as she ranted about her various travels. The secret enjoyment her deep ceruleans would harbor when she spoke about putting men who had underestimated her in their ‘rightful place’. All of this could be seen, if she let you see it.

So there was not only misery behind her beautiful eyes, because along with the deep sorrow that was written on her soul, was also joy. Joy and glee that was a sight to behold, a privilege extended to those she held dearest. Her laugh, reserved for you only, was the most wonderfully composed aria you had ever heard. It was deep, and unapologetically free, coming naturally after she had met you.

Then there was the laughter that wasn’t as true, the laugh she would let out in the middle of a heartbreaking story in an attempt to lighten the mood. It was silly really, and unbelievably sad that she felt the need to pretend that her heart didn’t cry when reliving her most miserable tales. Almost like she felt that her feelings didn’t matter enough to be taken seriously, like she didn’t matter.

One of these anecdotes had been about the ball her father held. She had told you how he had hosted it to find a potential suitor for her, inviting lots of young lords to Tarth. They had been showering her with attention and had even danced with her. She explained that she wasn’t entirely happy with the arrangement, knowing that she had no interest in marrying a man; but decided to attend for her fathers sake. Allowing herself to be joyful at the regard she was receiving, even if she wished that it was from a lady.

Despite the undesired recognition from the young lords, she couldn’t help the grief she had felt when she realized she was being mocked. Woefully vocalizing her disappointment when she had seen the boys snickering amongst themselves. Apparently this was when the nickname ‘Brienne The Beauty’ had been invented and it reminded you once again how cruel the world could be towards those who were different, if it was by choice or not wasn’t of importance.

“Brienne The Beauty they called me. Great joke. And I realized I was the ugliest girl alive,” she had said it with such spite, giving your hand a squeeze before she uttered five words that made your heart swell, “but then I met you.”

She had told you this under one of your late night meetings in your room. During it you had held her hand, softly stroking it as she spoke, as an act of comfort and to let her know that you were listening. You had seen tears threaten to spill out, but she had laughed instead, an empty laugh, cold and false. Fooling her body in to thinking that it wasn’t a big deal, and was successful in keeping the tears at bay.

She was a person, a human-being with emotions, but people seemed to have forgotten that. Using her as a target for their bitterness and loathing, because she didn’t fit in to the expected role as a ‘Lady’ or a woman. As much as you hated to admit it, not everyone saw her the way you did, didn’t see the appeal of her rugged and masculine appearance, did not see the woman she was underneath the steely exterior. The wall she had built up over the years was fortified, insults bouncing off like arrows on stone. The rough façade turned people away from getting the chance to see her, the actual her. The vulnerable, lovable, honest, and beautiful Brienne.

It saddened you, that so many individuals would lose out on someone as amazing as her, all because of the way she looked. But maybe that was for the best, Brienne deserved people who didn’t judge her from first glance, people who loved her unconditionally and true.

Tucking one of the loose strands of hair behind her ear, you observed as she stirred at the sudden contact but she remained asleep. Resting your hand on her cheek, you filed away this memory, the gentle and tender nature. The memory of waking up next to your love for the very first time. You traced the small scars on her face with your fingertips, making sure you appreciated every single inch of her, even if she wasn’t awake to be aware of you doing it.

Shifting your eyes from her unrestrained face, you took a glance around the room. Jumping from the clothes on the floor to the hearth. The fire from last night had burnt out during your slumber, but judging from the faint glow of the firewood, you drew the assumption that it couldn’t have been out for more than an hour.

You remained in Brienne’s warm embrace, relishing in the fact that you could feel her everywhere. Her breath against your skin, body pressed against yours, your hand on her cheek, her fingertips resting on your back. It was intoxicating and you had to hold back the excitement when you realized that this would be your life from now on, it was almost too good to be true. She was too good to be true.

Basking in her touch, you were quickly reminded of the persistent throb between your legs, not having gone back to your chambers to relieve yourself like you usually did. You had expected it to die down during the night, but Brienne’s naked body against your own had reignited the flame, it now burning stronger and brighter than ever.

Not knowing what time it was but having matters to attend to before sunrise. You gave her a quick kiss on her forehead before reluctantly maneuvering your way out of Brienne’s arms, careful to not wake the sleeping beauty. Grabbing your clothes off the floor you deftly put them on, taking one last look at your lover before exiting her chambers.

It was still dark outside, you guessed it would be another hour until sunrise. An hour before the castle and village woke up, leaving you with sixty minutes of uninterrupted time to wash yourself and polish your armor.

You always took a bath in the mornings to wash off the day before and to start the day clean before meeting Brienne for breakfast. Now it was needed more than ever. The aching between your legs was relentless, never letting up as you took large strides, almost running to the bathhouse.

You knew it would be empty, no one else was awake this time of day. Only exception being the few times you would cross paths with Brienne as she exited when you entered, or the other way around. Her skin wet, hair clinging to her forehead from the steam of the water. If you were lucky she had washed her hair and had it slicked back. It took your breath away every single time.

The times you would see her come out the first six months of your arrival were pure torture, wanting to just reach out and touch her but settling for discreetly and respectfully admiring. However, after you had begun your midnight conferences you would take the liberty to grab her, placing a fast but searing kiss to her lips whenever you would see her in the early mornings. The surprised hum she would release was priceless, her face turning red as you walked away, leaving her frozen in place. Seeing her at breakfast after those morning meetings always played out the same. She had her usual stern and intimidating expression on her face, but you saw the slight blush that would form on her cheeks when you sat down across from her.

Entering the baths you quickly stripped yourself of your clothes, folding them up and placing them close by before stepping in to the steaming hot water. You let out a sigh of relief as you felt the comforting liquid envelop you. Allowing your muscles to loosen, you leaned up against the half-wall of the bath, tilting your head back, legs extended in front of you. Arms stretching out on either side as you placed them on the edge behind you, eyes half-lidded.

Small moments like this, being alone in complete silence, nothing to be heard but your deep breaths and the soft sounds of rippling water, had become your favorites. The time spent with the much taller knight was also dear to you, but they competed not, for they were two sides of the same coin. Important to you in their own way.

When you were with her she made your heart flutter in the most beautiful way, raising your heartbeat significantly, just from a simple smile. The feelings you had when around her were overwhelming, taking over all other senses.

Permitting yourself time to unwind in the bath gave your mind and body the time to restore those senses. Like a reset. You knew that having someone affect you in this way was dangerous as a knight, always needing to be on guard, ready to unsheathe your sword and fight at any given moment. Brienne was dangerous in the most addicting way.

Removing one of your arms from the resting place on the edge, you brought it under the surface, spiking your ears to listen for even the smallest sound that would indicate people. Your fingers making contact with your neglected clit made your body jerk, a quiet whimper forcing its way out of your closed lips as you drew gentle circles with your hand. Making sure to stay silent and make as little movement as possible, so if someone were to walk in, they wouldn’t know what you were doing. You had to maintain an image as a knight of the Seven Kingdoms, and if someone were to walk in on you touching yourself, the entire town had. Gossip spread like wildfire, and you knew that it would be frowned upon.

This was restricted to the privacy of your chambers, but right now you couldn’t care less, you needed to be rid of the uncomfortable pressure between your legs. It was an emergency, simple as that. You knew you wouldn’t be able to focus all day if you didn’t alleviate the tension, especially having to be around Brienne during the majority of it. So this was a hail Mary, all dependent on the peoples sleeping habits, and how quick you could bring yourself to orgasm.

The steam from the water had clung to your skin, your hair slightly dampened and slicked back, face in an expression of silent pleasure as you added more pressure. Fingers picking up the pace, small waves created in the water by your somewhat moving arm.

The familiar feeling of release was building in your stomach, screaming to be let out. You held back a moan that threatened to leave, capturing it at the very last second. It came out as a strangled whine instead, you were so close. Images of Brienne from last night entered your mind. Her blissed out face as she came, her screams and moans. The intense eye-contact you held as you ate her out and fucked her senseless. Her beautiful breasts, and the beautiful noises she had made when you sucked and nibbled on them. All of this played through your mind as your fingers worked harder than ever. Just a little bit more and-

A noise stopped you in your tracks, quickly removing your hand and placing it back on the edge behind you. Irritated and frustrated at the interruption of mind numbing pleasure, you realized you would have to wait until night fall to get your much needed orgasm; this was going to be a long day. Your face was flushed and you were panting but it was subtle enough to not be noticed.

You kept your eyes trained on the ceiling as you heard someone enter the room. Shuffling footsteps stopped before speaking.

“Morning.” You’d recognize that voice anywhere. You hummed, a small smile making its way on to your lips.

“Brienne.” It was spoken softly, almost like an affirmation to yourself, or a confirmation to her that you recognized her presence. Tilting your head down you met her eyes, her blue ones staring straight back at you. Her eyes wide as they wandered over your naked body, the opacity of the water not leaving much to the imagination. “Morning.”

Your words brought her eyes back to yours and you shot a tired smile her way, the annoyance of disrupted release forgotten, just being in her vicinity calmed you. In your diminished state you didn’t notice her wandering eyes, but you were definitely paying attention when she started stripping in front of you, never breaking eye-contact. Her mouth marginally open and eyes as dark as the sky outside.

She hadn’t done this before, always having been quite self-conscious of her physique. It took some time for her to be comfortable with you touching her body, even if it was over clothes. You had showered her with compliments and affirmations, until she allowed herself to melt under your touch.

Even after she let you put your hands on her, you continued with your barrage of compliments, hoping that she would eventually see herself the way you did, and judging from the show in front of you, it had worked. She had grown emboldened and self-assured with the help of your sweet words, and for the first time in her life she felt hot, sexy, and attractive; and based on her facial expression she knew you thought so too. It was such a good look on her, the brazenness, it was maddening.

You watched as she unlaced her tunic, your eyes wide as they followed the path of her hands. She opened it and your eyes landed on her breasts. The marks you had left last night were a hue of purple, a strong contrast against her pale skin. Your throat was dry as you watched her take off her tunic, folding it up and placing it next to your clothes.

Her torso exposed to you, she moved her hands to her trousers, starting to unbuckle them. “You weren’t there when I woke up this morning.” Her sudden words ripped you away from your trance, practically having to force your eyes to meet hers. There was a coy smile on her pretty lips.

“No. I, uh.” You cleared your throat, trying to gain your voice back. The effect this woman had on you was staggering, “I had some things to do before breakfast. Sorry.” She watched you with unsullied eyes as she let her pants drop to the floor. The metal buckles on her trousers hit the tiles with a clink. She stepped out of the bunched up material at her feet and bent down to pick it up. You watched her intently as she neatly folded her pants up and placed them on her tunic.

“No need to apologize. I just missed you.” She cocked her head to the side the tiniest bit as she watched you. Your mind fighting tooth and nail to keep your self-control, you desperately wanted to let your eyes wander all over her now almost naked body, but you needed to be respectful.

She looked down at her body and pouted, an innocent action with malicious intent you were sure, “Oh, look what you’ve done!” Her voice was angelic, so pure, purposely used to rile you up, knowing you got a kick out of the thought that you were corrupting her sweet, virginal soul.

You looked to her hips and saw small bruises of where your fingers had dug in to her skin the night before. Seeing what you had left behind sent an almost haughty feeling throughout your body. “How did you know I would be here?” She looked down at you, fingers hooking in to her undergarments.

“You forgot your dagger in my room, I went to yours to return it. You weren’t there, so I drew the conclusion that you could only be here based on your morning habits.” She slowly, teasingly, dragged the piece of fabric down her long legs, your eyes landing on the mound between her legs.

“I’ve had enough of our near misses, therefore I decided to take matters in to my own hands. And after last night, I could use the soothing warmth. I woke up aching this morning.” She said the last sentence with faux confusion, as if she had no clue as to why. You didn’t think you were that rough to the extent that she would be in pain. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that she had been a maiden, your fingers stretching her out could surely be reason for soreness.

You closed your eyes, the familiar pounding feeling between your legs returning. This woman would be the death of you.

“I hope it’s not an excruciating ache. I apologize if I was too rough last night. I didn’t injure you, did I?” It came out more composed than you thought it would, voice more flat than desired. Despite your current predicament, Brienne naked in front of you, you had to make sure she was okay.

Brienne furrowed her brows, your voice not matching the tenderness of your words. “No, you didn’t injure me. It is quite a pleasant ache. It reminds me of last night, you being, you know,” she trailed off, her tone was seductive fading in to shyness, stopping before she could utter the words inside of me. She just put on one hell of a show, but was bashful talking about you fucking her last night. Even with her new-found confidence, she was still shy to talk about the actual act of intimacy but had no problems referencing it.

“Good.” You let out a shaky breath at her answer. She assured that you hadn’t wounded her and that she was fine. Brienne kept watching you, still quite confused of your flat tone but decided not to dawdle on it, you had your reasons. She didn’t fold up her discarded underwear, instead she just kicked it in the direction of her clothes on the floor, she was impatient; wanting to be in there with you as soon as possible.

She had dreamt of this moment since you first passed each other, it was mostly because you looked at her with such admiration but also because of her mishap. She had accidentally walked in on you getting dressed after your bath, her high honor conditioning her reflexes causing her to look away the second she saw your bare back, but for a split second she had seen your naked silhouette, and that fraction of a second was enough to have her a blushing mess.

That one millisecond was enough to keep her mind distracted during the late nights as she laid in her quarters. Throughout the day however, she would keep her thoughts busy with her knightly tasks. Even though she had done them hundreds of times to the point where they had become muscle memory, she just kept going over the process and the order over and over again. Every single day, until night fall when she let her mind run rampant in the privacy her own four walls but even Brienne had her moments of weakness.

There were times, always over the course of your suppers, that you would smile at her in that very special way, causing the taller woman’s mantra to falter, if only for a second. This allowed the image of your wet bare back to intrude the blondes thoughts, a flash of skin flooding her mind. It was a short interference but it was enough for Brienne to chide herself for invading your privacy. She felt perverted, depraved, and immoral for seeing you undressed, even if it wasn’t on purpose.

Even after your late night rendezvous’, she kept her thoughts strictly professional in public, still having a reputation to uphold. She did allow her imagination to have more leeway, the image of your naked form on repeat as she ran her hands all over your back during your heated make-out sessions.

She was done with the crossing of paths, the morning pecks always leaving something more to be desired. She had even begun waking up earlier to increase the chance of you still being in the bath when she arrived but on those days you polished your armor before bathing, meaning you entered as she left. Finally, you were both here at the same time, no one was getting ready to leave. Brienne’s wish was about to come true, after a year of misses she had finally hit the bullseye.

Small waves hit your submerged form as Brienne entered the pool, taking a seat next to you. She leaned her head against your shoulder, and you wrapped your arm around hers, pulling her close to you. Enjoying the rare moment of public intimacy along side each other, it other wise being confined to the privacy of your quarters. It was a change of pace compared to your usual meetings, almost domestic.

“I was very sad waking up to an empty bed this morning,” Brienne spoke up, her head vibrating against your shoulder, “I was hoping to return the favor you gave me last night.” Your eyes shot open as you felt a hand on your thigh. Slowly moving up to where you had touched yourself mere minutes ago.

Your demeanor completely changed once you realized what Brienne was initiating, she wanted to touch you, and you let her. “Is that so? Well then, allow me.” You grabbed a hold of the hand on your thigh and guided it to your cunt, releasing a sigh when you felt her strong fingers on your clit. God, she was so good with her hands.

She hadn’t expected you to be so direct, shocked at how fast you had switched. She noticed that your daily attitude completely differed when it came to sexual intimacy. It was almost like you traded personalities, you becoming dominant, her taking the role of submissive.

As a female knight she needed to appear dominant in her appearance, otherwise men would walk all over her. If she didn’t, they might undermine her, not listen to her, or respect her even less than they already did. Her height unquestionably helped intimidate people into submission. You didn’t have that luxury, so you had to rely on your other qualities. You were more careful, using your intelligence and wit to get people to respect you, the title helped.

That completely shifted once it got heated, Brienne became the careful one, watching and learning. She absolutely loved being dominated by you, especially after doing so herself all day long. It was a welcome change in your usual dynamic.

You, knowing what you were doing having spent a lot of time studying and practicing in Dorne, would take the role as the dominant one. Showing Brienne ways to make you tick, neck kisses being a thing she excelled at once shown.

Brienne’s fingers carefully worked against your clit, intrigued by the way you writhed and pulsed under her touch. She had shifted her head so that her mouth was on your pulse point, kissing and licking. Her hand was so agonizingly slow in its movements, you didn’t know if it was on purpose or not but you needed release, and you needed it fast.

“Spread your legs,” you breathed out, voice tip-toeing on the verge of a moan. Brienne removed her head from your shoulder at your request, and spread her legs. Drawing her hand away, she watched with curious eyes as you climbed on to her. Settling one of your legs in between hers and one on the side, straddling her thigh.

She watched you with an intense look, enthralling eyes following your every move. Sinking down on to her leg you began rolling your hips on her broad, strong, muscular thigh. Brienne’s hands were sitting at her sides, she didn’t know what to do with them; so you assisted. Grabbing her hands, you placed them on your hips so she could help guide your movements.

Your hands held on to her shoulders, nails digging in to her skin as you fruitfully held your moans back, knowing that the acoustics would give away your current activity if someone were to walk by. The knight beneath you just stared, completely mesmerized, mouth slightly open as she released quiet whimpers at the feeling of your heat against her wet leg.

Looking down at her through half-lidded eyes, you saw the moment she noticed your chest was eye-level with her. Your breasts were wet and the way they moved as you continued your actions had Brienne bewitched. She was as in a trance, her mouth watered and she licked her lips. Smiling sensually, you brought a hand up to her head, stroking the now damp hair. “Is there something you want? You only need to ask.” Your voice was husky, dripping in sex, and sickly sweet.

Brienne looked up at you and gulped. Her voice low, filled with wonder. “May I?” Strong hands slowly started to move from your hips, up your waist, before stopping under the curve of your breasts.

“You’re such a good little thing, asking for permission. Of course you may.” At your confirmation she moved fast, her hands cupping your breasts, fondling them, loving how easily they fit in her big hands. She took one of your nipples in her mouth, the other one being worshipped by her calloused fingers.

A strained moan escaped your lips at the feeling of her talented tongue and fingers on your sensitive skin. Your restraint wavered for a millisecond before you dug your nails even harder in to Brienne’s skin, continuously stroking her hair, careful not to hurt her pretty little head. You were almost painfully drawing your lips together, but she had already heard the inviting sound that you made.

She grew confident, flexing her thigh muscles to harden your grinding surface. It was an entirely new sensation and you couldn’t hold it back anymore. A dark and sensual moan exited your mouth as your hips sped up their movements, riding her thigh for dear life. Your actions caused waves to form in the water, hitting the sides of the bath with a splash.

The blondes large hands snaked around your back and you felt her nails push in to your skin, dragging her fingers down from your shoulders to your lower back; groaning at the new sensation of pain working in tandem with pleasure. The amount of pressure Brienne had applied as she scratched your back was intentional, she wanted to leave marks, just as you had done on her.

The hand that had been mindlessly stroking her hair grabbed hold of the blonde locks, pulling her head away from your chest. She was startled at the sudden interruption, her eyes moving to meet your gaze. Your pupils were dilated, darkened by the over-whelming desire, watching her with a smirk on your lips.

“You’re just full of surprises, aren’t you? Open your mouth, slut. I have something for you.” Your voice was strained, breathy moans mixed with disgustingly sweet fake ridicule.

Brienne hesitantly opened her mouth unsure about your reasoning. Releasing a whimper as she watched you spit in her mouth and at the same time as your saliva landed on her tongue, you pushed the knee that was between her legs forward; making contact with her center.

You mocked her whimper as she released a growling moan, not expecting the sudden pressure. She was closer to orgasm than she thought, having watched your performance had her extremely riled up and she could already feel the same coil from last night tightening in her stomach. You loved the look of corrupted purity on her face as your leg moved with your hips, pressing and rubbing against her clit.

The strange feeling of having someone else’s saliva in her mouth as she was being pleasured made her brain short-circuit for a second as she sat there with her mouth still open, small whiny groans coming out; unsure what to do.

“Swallow it.” The hand that had been holding on to Brienne’s shoulder was brought to her chin, encouraging her to close her mouth. You watched with heavy eyes as she swallowed, her fiery blue eyes staring right back at you. The knee between her thighs kept working her and she knew she was on the edge, orgasm threatening to spill over. By your heavy breaths she knew you were almost there too, so she held out, wanting to reach climax together.

The sight of her completely under your command, mouth open in pleasure, breathy moans coming out drove you over the edge, the coil in your stomach tightening and snapping at the same time as Brienne’s. You threw your head back as you felt the orgasm rip through your entire body, muscles tensing.

The woman beneath you screamed your name as she came, your moans mingling as you reached your zenith in unison. It was passion and intimacy on a whole different level, used as a way to convey your love; wanting the other to feel as good as you did.

What started as a hot and dirty sexual interaction had ended with you and your knight making love. It was beautiful, affectionate, and romantic.

Brienne’s hands flew to hold on to your waist to keep you steady and herself grounded, her mouth coming to your shoulder to muffle her groans as pleasure tore apart her body from the inside out. You felt as she gently sunk her teeth in to your skin and you yelped, releasing a loud moan as you stopped the movement of your hips.

Realizing you still had your armor to polish before meeting the blonde woman for breakfast, you climbed off of her, Brienne releasing a whimper at the removal of your knee, already missing the sensation of your wet skin against hers. Taking a deep breath you collected yourself before clearing your throat.

“I’ll see you at breakfast.” Switching personalities, Brienne smirked as she watched you climb out of the water. Humming in delight when she saw your back, red nail marks running down the length of it.

Feeling her eyes on you as you quickly dried yourself and put your clothes on, covering up the red bite mark on your shoulder and your scratched-up back.

“See you later!” You could hear the cocky smile on her lips as she called out after you. Speedily marching out of the bathhouse, leaving a smug Brienne behind.

———

Half an hour later your armor was polished and strapped on to your figure. Your mind wandered to the session that had occurred just thirty minutes ago and you blushed at the memory. You and Brienne had been bold displaying such physical intimacy outside of your quarters, but the possibility of getting caught had made it so much more filthy and erotic.

It being Brienne who had initiated it made it even more exhilarating in a way. You were impressed and intrigued, she had never displayed such riskiness before. She had wanted you so bad that she didn’t care where you were, the need to hear you moan and to watch you unravel in front of her was stronger than the need to keep it in the bedroom.

You secured your scabbard to your hip before taking a quick look-over to make sure you were presentable. The shine of your armor was blinding and you grimaced, wondering if you had gone a little overboard. The edges of your sword were sharpened and shiny, the grip decorated with various carvings; the symbol of your house sitting on the pommel. It had been a gift from your father given to you when you were knighted, specially requested and custom made for you. It was quite similar to Brienne’s hilt in a way.

Deeming yourself fit to be seen, you straightened your back, opening your door and stepping out in to the hall. Closing the door behind you, you turned to walk towards the mess hall but almost ran into an armor clad Brienne, stopping yourself at the very last second, as she stood outside, waiting. Her chin held high and hands ceremoniously clutched behind her back. The messy and damp hair from earlier had been dried and neatly combed back, she looked so elegant and noble. Her dark armor had been polished, the tiny nicks from hits scattered all over the steel plates were accented by the shiny surface.

“By the Gods Ser Brienne, I almost walked in to you! That could’ve ended in injury had I not halted myself. Announce your presence next time, please.” Looking up at the taller woman you smiled, her usual unemotional expression on her face cracking for a second to give you a one back before falling back to a impartial one.

“Apologies, Ser. I was hoping to accompany you to breakfast. After last night and this morning, I thought we might as well.” Her face and voice was empty of any tells, keeping up formalities in public. You could see her lips twitch, a smirk threatening to break through at the mention of your escapades.

“I’d be honored.” With a quick step you were standing next to the taller knight, and you made your way to the mess hall together, large authoritative strides sounding, your footsteps synced. You formally greeted those you passed on your path with ‘morning’, a nod or a bow. Keeping Brienne at arms length was torture, having to hold back the urge to grab her hand, to pull her closer to you.

You hadn’t really discussed the manner of your relationship. There was a silent agreement stating it was probably best to keep it a secret, mostly for appearances, but also for safety. If someone caught wind of your non-traditional relationship it could be used against you. If someone wanted to hurt you or Brienne they could easily take advantage of your relationship, a weakness used as a bargaining chip. Both you and her were strong, but if stripped from your weapon there was only so much either of you could do.

There was also the issue of respect, your duties were dependent on peoples trust and opinions of you. Barely having enough respect as it was, unwillingly harbored by the men because of your higher rank and title, you couldn’t afford to lose any of it. If you did and your trainees started to defy you, it could have fatal consequences. The safety of the people and your obligations came first, both you and Brienne knew this, which meant neither of you could afford to be self-absorbed and display your love.

So you both understood that it was best to keep it under wraps, but sometimes, like now, you wished you could scream about how much you loved her. You wanted to show her off to the world, talk about how proud you were of her. She deserved to be bragged about, deserved to be talked about with such care and such love, you yearned to extend such a basic act of courtesy.

However, you kept your mouth shut, walking along side her as if you didn’t fuck her last night, as if you hadn’t made love in the bath that same morning, as if you didn’t love her with your entire being to the extent that you felt like your heart could explode.

You could detect the faint smell of her, soap from the bath mingled with the strong aroma of the polish and the fragrance of fresh grass that was undoubtedly Brienne’s. It was a weird combination of scents but it was comforting nonetheless.

Turning one last corner, the taller knight pushed the doors open, entering the large gathering hall with you on her tail. You followed Brienne through the crowds of people, her tall form serving as a beacon so you never lost track of where she was.

You removed your sheath and leaned it against the edge of the table before you took your normal seat across from her at your usual table. She sat down shortly after doing the same thing, her hands placed flat on the surface. Looking at her with eyes full of yearning and adoration as your hand longed to reach out and grab hers.

She stared back, face impersonal but her magnificent blue eyes betray her. There was an almost remorseful look in her eyes, there was no need for her to feel guilt, yet she did. It wasn’t her fault that you couldn’t show any form of affection in public, somehow she felt like it was. Both of you knew that giving in to the urge to grab the others hand would end poorly, it wasn’t exactly an act that could pass as platonic comfort now was it.

It could have if you and Brienne had shown any form of physical closeness in public but you hadn’t, meaning such an act would stick out in the outwardly professional friendship you had tried so hard to maintain for public relations. It had come back to bite you in the arse, knowing not even a quick graze of fingers would be overlooked.

You were the one to break eye-contact, tearing your eyes away from her magnetic gaze. Brienne’s face remained disinterested, eyes looking down at her food and then back to you. She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it shortly after. Words just wouldn’t come out. She tried again, words failing her once again.

“You don’t have to say anything. It’s fine,” Brienne barely heard your mumble over the bustling crowd. You had started eating and had noticed the knights inability to speak. She had wanted to apologize, say sorry for a situation she had no command over, an act you couldn’t allow her to perform.

It was ridiculous how she wanted to take the blame for something she couldn’t influence, something she had no way of controlling. You offered her a small smile as you continued eating, gesturing to her untouched breakfast before speaking, more clearer this time. “You should start eating. We have training soon and we can’t be late.” The tall blonde didn’t utter a single word, she just looked down at her food and started eating.

———

Training went on as usual, assisting Brienne, sparring, trying your very best to not stare at her as she barked orders; you failing miserably. The ‘conversation’ from your earlier meal was still fresh in your mind and you wondered if you had been too harsh towards her by not allowing her to apologize; but hastily realized just how ridiculous the mere thought of it was and that the actual uttering of said words would be preposterous. You couldn’t permit her to ask for forgiveness, not for this.

Glances were exchanged during the session as they usually were, but these were different. There was a stronger sense of longing, a more lustful one derived from finally knowing what the other sounded and looked like at the height of ecstasy. Whether she wanted them to or not, Brienne’s gorgeous blues showed more than her stern face did, eyes filled with desire and regret.

The urge to drag you away and let you devour her fought with the urge to ask for pardon. Indecisiveness spread in her body like a bad rumor and she wondered how long she would be able to keep herself away from you in public.

You took one last yearning gaze at each other before parting ways to continue your daily assignments.

It was during your last errand that a raven carrying a message arrived for you. It landed on a fence post nearby, cawing to get your attention. Approaching the bird as it watched you with its dark eyes. You rolled out the small paper and immediately identified your family’s stationary, ghosting a hand over the familiar stamp of your house.

Reading through the message made your heart drop. This could not be happening, surely it wasn’t real, surely your mind playing tricks. You had only been here a year, had only just felt the incinerating touch of your Brienne. She had placed all of her trust in you, trusting that you would not leave her, that you wouldn’t break her heart. You had promised her that much with your oath. Fuck, your oath. She held honor, righteousness and honesty above everything else, she was going to despise you for this.

You read through the message over and over again, tears welling in your eyes as you willed the words on the parchment to transform; but they never did. The words stayed the same and the fact that you had to leave never changed.

You had to leave tonight, and by doing so it meant leaving her behind as well. You couldn’t tell her, how were you supposed to tell her? It would break her heart, but you couldn’t just leave without saying goodbye, she deserved more. Either way, her heart would be crushed, there was no easy way; you just hoped she would understand and not abhor you.

You quickly marched to the throne room, needing to notify your sudden departure; you had sworn an oath after all. You explained to Brienne’s Grace the emergency of the situation and they understood, stating that your services were no longer needed. You gave a quick nod and strode to your chambers to pack up your things and to leave your love a message.

———

When you didn’t show up for dinner in the evening Brienne grew worried, you were never late. Abandoning her seat at your usual table she set out to find you. Frantically searching, letting her composure slip, distress taking over once she reached your chamber, finding it empty.

Panic settled in when she saw all of your belongings gone, you were leaving her as well, weren’t you. All the time you had spent together was a lie, all the sweet nothings you had whispered to her, all of the embraces, everything was a lie. All a part of the forever on-going ruse to ridicule her.

She had given you everything: her heart, mind, soul and flesh, and you took it. She felt naked, exposed, humiliated. Embarrassed of how rapid she had been to trust you with your compliments, your lingering glances and touches. Nausea settled in when she realized how you had sworn yourself to her, she had high integrity and valued other people with the same honorable qualities as her. Apparently, that wasn’t you.

Taking a step in to your room, she looked around, trying to find some sort of idea of where you had gone. Her eyes landed on a note, it was neatly folded, placed upon the empty desk in your chambers. Large steps carried her over to the wooden surface and she gracefully picked up the piece of paper. Unfolding it, tears welled up in her eyes as she read your beautiful handwriting.

My Dear Brienne,

I wished to tell you this in person, but I could not bring myself to do so, I would not be able to bear the look on your face, it would break my heart.

It is with a heavy soul that I must tell you this, though I wish I did not have to. If I could, I would stay in your arms and by your side forever as your knight and partner. Sadly, I am unable to for the near future because I must leave Winterfell.

A raven arrived for me this afternoon from my family’s maester in Dorne. My father has fallen ill and I must return to be by his side. As his only child, and as a knight, it is my duty to honor my family.

Know this, my darling. I meant every single word I have spoken, every kiss, every touch. Every breath I take will be for you, and until I return to your side and into your arms, you will always be in my thoughts.

For I will long for you forever, I will touch your soul forever, and I will say your name forever. This is unfortunately the moment where we must let go, until our souls are reunited once again.

My dear sweet Brienne, you are the embodiment of beauty, grace and handsomeness. The way you carry yourself is so robust, yet your soul is one of the most gentle ones I have met.

From the moment I saw you I was captivated by you, you intrigued me and I only fell more and more in love with you for every second that passed.

If you are reading this during our usual dinner time then I am still here. I wish to see you one last time before I depart.

I am by the stables until sunset. Come find me, please.

I am eternally yours, my love, Ser Brienne of Tarth.

Brienne couldn’t hold her tears back anymore, droplets falling, staining the paper. She sobbed as she read your carefully crafted words. Eyes lingering over your signature before she ran to the stables, hoping she wasn’t too late.

———

You anxiously watched as the sun sunk further and further down the evening sky. Hoping that Brienne would see your letter in time was a foolish idea, but you knew her. You knew that the second you were a no-show at supper she would come looking for you. She would find the letter, read it and come here. But as the sun hit the horizon, the hope disappeared.

Maybe she had read it but was so upset with you that she didn’t want to see you, or maybe she was still reading it, or maybe she was sitting at your dinner table waiting for you. All of the circumstances in which Brienne could miss seeing you off ran through your mind at rapid pace.

You had given yourself over to despair as you fastened your sleeping sack to your saddle, she really wasn’t coming. A sigh left your mouth, materializing as fog as your hot breath reacted to the cold winter air. You should’ve just have told her, because then you would have at least been able to see her, one last time.

You heard the commotion before you saw it, heavy footsteps running towards you. A familiar sight came around the corner, your heart shattering at the tear stained face. Brienne was distraught, her usual calm and collected demeanor nowhere to be seen.

Her eyes immediately locked on to you where you stood, securing the last strap on the saddle. She called out for you, her voice breaking as she sprinted towards you.

“Brienne.” Breathing out her name in relief, you turned towards her so she could take you in to her embrace. She had read your letter. You felt the familiar burning sensation behind your eyes as the tears welled up; allowing them to fall freely. You nearly threw yourself in to Brienne’s arms when she was close enough to you.

You held each other as it were the last time, not knowing when the next opportunity might come. “When I saw your room empty I thought you had abandoned me, I thought it was all a lie, but then I read your letter. I’m so sorry for doubting you,” she started rambling, words stumbling over each other in a desperate attempt to say whatever she needed to say.

Her voice was weak, arms holding on to you for dear life, “I am selfish for suggesting this but stay here. Stay with me. Please.” The please was gut wrenching, her voice broke, burdened by all of her pain, all her love, all the ache.

You felt your heart break at her plea, you didn’t want to leave her, you would stay by her side your entire life if she asked you to. However, you didn’t have a choice this time. “Stay.” It was so quiet, weak, almost like a squeak, but you heard it.

You had to force yourself to let go of Brienne, looking up at her with tearful eyes. No one had never seen her like this before, eyes red, tears glistening on her face in the setting sun. Her emotions and heart out on display for anyone to see.

“You know I can’t do that. It’s a matter of honor, I know you understand,” you placed a hand on her chest, “deep down, I know you do. For your heart is the most honorable and righteous one I have ever had the pleasure of loving.” You smiled up at her, bringing your hands up to wipe away her tears, before settling them her cheeks.

“Then let me come with you, I will request to be removed from my services and accompany you to Dorne,” you knew her words to be true, it was heard in her voice. She would drop everything in the fragment of a second had you asked her to, that was just the kind of person she had become. The person currently standing before you was not the coherent and composed Ser Brienne of Tarth anymore, it was just Brienne who had let her heart take over her knightly persona, for the first time ever.

You smiled up lovingly at her, you desperately wanted to say yes, to have her join you, “You are needed here, my darling,” but you couldn’t.

“There are plenty of other knights who would kill for my position, they’ll find someone to fill my spot,” her words were clawing at you, hands fidgeting on your back trying to find something to hold on to, only finding the cloth of your fur cloak.

“You know that’s not true. They’d never be able to find someone else that would live up to the example you’ve set here,” the standards and discipline she harbored had raised expectations, meaning if she were to leave, her absence would leave a massive void, and it would be noticeable if some inferior man tried to fill it.

“So this is it? I’m just supposed to let you leave?” She stared down at you in bewilderment, voice so small and defeated.

“I’m afraid you’ll have to. I will never stop thinking of you, and we will return to each other’s arms, for I am meant for you, and you are meant for me,” you withdrew your hands, taking a step back, “I will send ravens for you, and my oath stands the same, I am yours forever. Forever devoted to you, I shall not break this promise. This I swear.” You bowed, a gesture of knightly promise, a formality you knew Brienne would appreciate. It was not only empty words, for honor gave them the weight she needed to soothe her aching heart.

She could only watch as you mounted your horse. Taking one last look at her before riding away, leaving a weeping and wailing Brienne behind, your name falling from her lips, pleading you to stay. It fell on all too aware ears as you rode further and further, her screams fading away in to the evening sky, until the only thing heard were your own sobs.

———

Follow-up: Kisses of Fire

tags for the gang:

@na-shoba

@pastanest

@the-fuck-do-i-know

@mayfair-fleur

#Spotify #gwendoline christie #brienne of tarth #gwendoline christie x reader #brienne of tarth x reader #brienne x reader

[reidsaurora]

"Frankenstein" ~ S. Reid

Summary: It’s that time of the year again when the annual BAU Halloween party is fully underway. However, one Halloween lover isn’t acting exactly like himself, and his partner intends to find out why.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Reader (no use of Y/N)

Word Count: 1,357

Content Warning: mentions of Spencer’s S9 neck injury, mild swearing, i think that’s it but as always, lmk if i missed something!

Genre: Fluff, i guess a lil hurt/comfort too

Extra Notes: EMMY WRITING AN ACTUALLY DECENT SUMMARY FOR ONCE??? I’M SHOCKED TOO TBH

Based On the Prompt: “Emotional Damage” - new scars (from 2022 Whumptober Prompts)

Originally Written: between 10/27/2022 and 10/29/2022

Beta Read By: @dungeons-are-too-cold and @reidsbookclub 🫶🏻

Criminal Minds masterlist can be found here!

Whumptober masterlist/schedule can be found here!

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Spencer made his way down the stairs nervously, somehow hoping to avoid his partner, or at least avoid her opinion of his impromptu Halloween costume change.

Unfortunately, she noticed immediately. After all, she’d been putting together her Bride of Frankenstein costume for weeks, what with perfecting her makeup and spending hours thrifting the perfect dress.

“Now, where is your costume?” she sassed, hands on her hips.

He pouted, his lips scrunched tight together. “This is my costume,” he answered, fidgeting with the ends of his scarf.

“Spence, we’ve been talking about going as Frankenstein and his Bride for months now,” she reminded him. “Why are you recycling your Doctor Who costume?”

“First of all, it’s a cosplay, not a costume,” he rebutted, his hands flying to his own hips.

She huffed lightly, “Sorry, my bad. Cosplay.”

“Second of all,” he continued, “this just feels more like me.”

One of her eyebrows cocked upward. She saw right through him. “You begged to be Frankenstein this year and now all of a sudden, you wanna go as the Sixth Doctor?”

“It’s the Fourth Doctor,” he whined, a frown pulling his lips downward.

“Look, I don’t care if you’re supposed to be the Millionth Doctor, you aren’t fooling me, Spencer Walter Reid. I’ve known you since we were cadets. I know when you’re lying.”

“Nuh-uh!” His tone sounded similar to a four-year-old who’d be accused of stealing candy.

His partner saw past all of this though. She noticed the way he tugged at his scarf, pulling it the teeniest bit tighter around his neck. She noticed the saddened, almost embarrassed look in his eyes, and suddenly understood his behavior.

“Spencer,” was all she had to say before he was coming undone. Every bottled up tear he’d been holding in throughout the day suddenly slid down his cheeks.

Spencer didn’t say anything, he couldn’t. He just sat down on the bottom stair and cried nearly silent into his palms. His body shook as sobs wrecked him, every ounce of insecurity attempting to shed its way out of his body through his tears.

She silently sat down beside him, her white dress cascading down the floor. “I know it’s hard to take me seriously when I have this giant ass wig on my head,” she started, managing to earn herself an amused sniffle from the man beside her, “but it would help me immensely if you’d tell me what’s going on in that big, smart, and evidently, sad brain of yours.”

He looked up, finally making eye contact with her again. “I don’t want anyone to see my new scar,” he answered, tears stilling on the edges of his bottom lids.

Her hand slid up to his hair, brushing through those signature cinnamon-brown curls of his. “Spencer, if there’s one thing I’ve learned throughout my many years as an insecure woman, it’s that no one is paying attention to any of your flaws, even the thing you think is your biggest imperfection.”

“But what if they say it’s ugly? Or what if they think it’s scary?”

Her arm wrapped around the back of his shoulders, pulling him close to her side. “Spencer, if anyone says anything, I’ll kick their ass. Because that—getting shot in the neck and living to tell the tale—is possibly the most badass thing you’ve done in your whole career. And trust me, babe, you’ve done some pretty badass things.”

He wiped away the remaining drops of water as his cries stilled, managing to choke out a chuckle as he settled into his lover’s embrace.

“But if I have to be honest, I doubt anyone will say anything. It’s just the BAU and their partners. The worst that could happen would be Rossi making some sort of offhand comment and, while I'm not trying to make excuses for Rossi’s demented sense of humor, you know he means well.”

Spencer looked to the floor, fidgeting with his hands. “Are you sure no one will say anything? He whispered, just barely loud enough for his lover to make out his words.

She tapped a finger against her chin, racking her brain for some way to help him through his insecurity. Suddenly, an idea popped into her brain, almost like a light switch being flipped. “Oh, my goodness. Why didn't I think of this sooner?”

He looked back up, eyes filled with curiosity. “What?” he asked, his voice rumbling with the remnants of his previous cries.

“What is one of Frankenstein’s monster’s most memorable features?” she inquired, arms crossed tight in front of her chest.

Spencer’s eyebrows ruffled together as he analyzed her question. “His green skin?”

She giggled, “Well, yes, but what about his neck?”

His eyes lit up as he figured out what she had reference to. “His bolts and stitches!”

She nodded with a small hum. “I could draw on some stitches with some makeup and cover up your scar, if that’s what you’d like.”

He nodded with a half-smile, his eyes crinkling near the corners. “I’d like that a lot.”

That was how Spencer ended up on the bathroom counter, swinging his legs back and forth as his girlfriend decorated his face and neck with green face paint and eyeliner.

“Are you sure no one’s gonna think it’s scary?” he fretted. “I mean, what if JJ brings Henry? You don’t think it’ll scare him off, do you?”

“Spencer,” she sighed, dabbing at the makeup on his neck, “I have never seen someone who adores you as much as Henry. I doubt you’ll have anything to worry about.”

Still, Spencer internally worried, his stomach bubbling with anxiety with every second that the party got closer.

His apprehension only became worse as he and his partner made their way up the stairwell to Penelope’s apartment. His girlfriend’s fingers interlocked tightly around Spencer’s as the two wandered their way into Penelope’s apartment, their ears immediately being overtaken by The Clovers’ Love Potion No. 9.

The stampers of tiny feet were barely heard over the music as an all-too-excited Henry made his way over to the couple. “Uncle Spencer!” he shouted with a smile, showing off every tooth in his mouth.

“Henry!” Spencer exclaimed, bending down to the five-year-old’s level. His lover subconsciously noticed his anxiety melting away as he interacted with the boy, a smile sitting lightly on her face.

The boy shook his head. “I’m not Henry tonight, Uncle Spencer. I’m a lion.”

Spencer nodded in understanding, holding in a small chuckle. “Oh, well in that case, you can call me Uncle Frankenstein tonight.”

Henry’s eyes wandered over Spencer, taking in every detail of the man’s costume. As he looked over Spencer’s face paint, his eyes twinkled like stars in the night sky. “Woah!” he nearly screamed, leaning in for a better look. “Those stitches on your neck are super cool, Uncle Frankenstein!”

Spencer looked over to his partner, who simply gave him an “I told you so” grin. She watched as the two interacted, chatting for a moment about their costumes.

After a moment of Henry being absolutely mesmerized by Spencer’s makeup, he stepped away. “I’m gonna find Mommy and Dad- I mean,” he corrected himself, “Mama Dorothy and Daddy Tin-Man. I’m hungry.”

Spencer stood up, chuckling deeply as the boy ran off toward his parents, who were happily chatting with Penelope, who was dressed as quite possibly the prettiest fairy anyone had ever seen.

Suddenly, a hand made its way to the curls near Spencer’s neck. He turned, looking over the smile that still sat on his lover’s lips.

“See? What did I tell you?” she giggled, leaning over to kiss his cheek.

He sighed, leaning into her embrace. “I guess I owe you an apology.”

Her eyebrows furrowed together. “For what?”

“For worrying all the time.”

She shook her head with a giggle. “You wouldn’t be Spencer without it.”

He huffed lightly, a half-smile making its way to his lips. “I suppose you’re right about that,” he said, leaning down for a quick kiss. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” she smiled, her hand still tangled in his curls, “all part of the job, Uncle Frankenstein.”

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So... this was supposed to be up Saturday?? Obviously that did not happen 💀

I feel like I owe you guys a little bit of an explanation for what happened during Whumptober.

So, I guess the easiest way to explain it would be health problems? I know that seems to be what I always say but I genuinely have had some of the worst fatigue, which led to brain fog, which lead to unproductivity, which led to me not finishing Whumptober on time.

However, as I stated on my Stranger Things blog (@honeysuckleharringtons) I will be posting the rest of the Whumptober fics in due time. I have a lot of plans for the month of November (what with nanowrimo starting and a ✨️secret surprise✨️ for you guys) so they may not all be posted this month. Some of them may end up getting posted in December.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I do apologize for getting behind again but I promise, you guys will be getting the rest of the Whumptober fics 🫶🏻

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☆𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒☆

#imagine #imagines #one shot #one shots #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid imagines #spencer reid one shot #spencer reid one shots #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid whump #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x y/n #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds imagines #criminal minds one shot #criminal minds one shots #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds whump #fanfic #fluff #whump #whumpblr #whumptober #whumptober2022 #ofwilliamandwalter

[solyxa]

Back to School - Cove Holden

just a lil comfort piece about back to school blues, hope you enjoy! this is slightly self indulgent but we don't talk ab that

You were lying on the floor of your room, LEDs set to blue as you played your sad playlist to match your mood of sadness and anxiety due to the impending doom that was the upcoming school year. By upcoming, you meant “in less than 12 hours”. You should really be asleep by now, but you couldn't with anxiety and misery gnawing at your stomach. You glanced at your phone beside you. Picking it up, you decided to call Cove. Bothering him was the last thing you wanted to do, but you couldn’t help it. You wanted to see him, or at least hear his voice. You went into your favorite contacts and hit call on his. Despite the late hour, it only rang once before he picked up.

“Y/N?” His voice came through the phone soft and unsure as you heard some rustling from his end, he was probably in bed. You started to wonder if this was a bad idea.

“Yeah, it’s me.” That was all you could muster in response? You couldn’t even give him the reason that you called? This was definitely a mistake. Sure, Cove was your boyfriend but that didn’t mean he wanted to be bothered by you at ungodly hours of the night. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have called you so late. Goodnight.”

“Are you kidding? I’ve knocked on your window way later than this.” You heard him laugh a little. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, really. What’s up?” You smiled softly as he spoke. Cove always had a way of making you feel better, being there for you no matter what. Thanks to his reassurance, you started to feel like calling him wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

“I guess I just… I don’t know… Wanted to hear your voice?” You nervously drew circles in the ground as you spoke.

“Oh, alright. Is everything okay?” He sounded worried, that was the last thing you wanted.

You knew there was no point in lying to him, so you answered honestly. “To be honest? Not really, but-”

Before you could finish your sentence, you were interrupted by rustling on Cove’s end, followed by his voice.

“I could come over, if that’d help?” His voice sounded slightly pleading, like he wanted nothing more than to be with you right now. You smiled a little, sharing the sentiment.

“That would be great, but you don't have to-”

“I'm on my way, okay? I'll see you in a bit.” With that, he hung up and you were left to lie on the floor and wallow some more.

In a few minutes, you heard a knock on your window. You didn't have to check to know who it was, you walked over and there was Cove, perched on a ledge with a slightly worried expression on his face, but he still smiled at you. You opened the window and stood awkwardly as he climbed inside. Once he was settled, he spoke.

“So… what's wrong? Can I help or-”

He was cut off by you practically bum rushing him with a hug. You just felt this aching need to be closer to him, to be in his arms. He let out a little squeak as you squeezed him before relaxing and wrapping his arms around you, resting his head on top of yours.

“Whatever it is, it'll be okay.”

Those simple words made your heart soar, and also made you feel ready to cry. He was just so caring. He didn't even know what was wrong, but he was ready to make it better. He was making it better.

You decided to let it all out. All of your worries and frustrations with the coming school year, your feelings of impending exhaustion, everything. Cove just held you as you vented and cried, rubbing your back soothingly and listening.

When he was sure you were done, he looked into your eyes and tried his best to reassure you.

“I understand that you're worried, and anxious and I wish I could make it better. But just know that no matter what, I'll be there. I'll be with you through everything, okay? Not that you even need me, you've gotten through so much all on your own. You're amazing and I promise you'll figure it out, we'll figure it out.”

You smiled as more tears rolled down your cheeks, Cove kissed them away. After you were done speaking and it was obvious that you were tired, he picked you up and put you in bed, tucking you in and climbing in beside you.

“I love you. Go to sleep now. I'll be here tomorrow, okay?”

Those are the last hushed words you hear before you drift off to sleep, with Cove cuddled into your side. He continues whispering sweet words of encouragement to you, and you think that maybe, just maybe, this school year won't be so bad.

#comfort #cove holden #olba #olba cove #cove x reader #~Works~ 🌠

[eunoiaastralwings]

Hello :')!! So glad your requests are open again!! Last time I requested a Mae fic (My little light <3) and it was so soft and lovely ❤️

Could I be selfish and ask for a papa maedhros w/ human!reader? Him being a dad to his lil elflings during his time in ME? ❤️ Just need parent!Mae content so BAD!

If not, headcanons of him being a parent is just fine too :')) would love to read either of them by your hand❤️🤲

Thank u!!!

The Best Healers

-ˋˏ ༻❁ characters maedhros x human!wife!reader -ˋˏ ༻❁ fandom tolkien- the silmarillion -ˋˏ ༻❁ a/n oh hun! you are making me melt! you have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that! i had so much fun writing this! sorry for taking some time, i hope you like it and it was worth the wait. love you lots

You entered as soon as his meeting with his brothers finished. You knew your husband too well – the pain, regret and ambition he carried.

Maedhros couldn’t change anything any no matter how much he wished too. The scars and torment he suffered spoke volumes for it. Slowly you around the table to his sitting form at the end – his head in his hands as he let out a deep sight.

Even when he was sitting down – he was still incredibly taller than you. You laid a hand his shoulder and Maedhros tensed for just a second before he relaxed under your touch. Both of you stayed in silence until he was ready to talk – then he lifted his head to you and gave a small smile.

Which you returned and kissed his lips tenderly.

He smiled into the tender moment – then cupped your face in his large hands as you pulled away from it – you ignored the coldness of the metal and it was something you had gotten used to.

“Where are they?”

He asked – referring to your children, your twins – one boy and surprisingly a girl too, whom you both named after Nerdanel.

“Outside, my dearest – but if you are feeling too tired they will understand.”

You said as you caressed his face.

“No, melda – I promised them. I miss them and I want to spend the time I promised with them. I do not want them to hate me.”

Maedhros frowned – the very thought of it made the ner crumble and his heart clench in agony.

“Oh, my love. . .”

You stood and hugged him as much as you could. It was one of his greatest fears, that his own children would hate him – because he certainly hated himself. He hated who had to become for this father in front of you and the children you shared.

“They do not and will not hate, you – you are their hero.”

You chuckled quietly– remembering just how many times your son that declared Maedhros was the strongest of them all, leaving his uncle who was called the strong Finwë a little sad and jealous.

“They love and admire you, even if you do not. You fret once our children would be too afraid to look at you but look at how eager and happy, they are whenever they see you.”

You said when you referred to his scars and the hand he missed – but your children loved him besides those, sometimes you deemed the were smarter than you speaking words as if they understood the world more than you did – which frightened yourself and Maedhros and little bit. They said about scars define the person and mark what they have been through – even as far as your daughter declaring her father was the bravest under all of Eru’s creations.

“You know this, my dear husband. . .”

You cooed.

“You’re not your father. . .”

You whispered gently and Maedhros shut his eyes closed. Maedhros had looked up to Fëanor like his children were looking up to him – but he was afraid one day he would turn into a version of this father and care something else other than the two precious children you made.

“What if I will be?”

Your heart broke as his voice cracked.

“You will not. . .come let our twins heal you, my love. They have magic even the greatest of healers don’t possess.”

You smiled encouragingly and tried to pull him up. Maedhros looked at your strangely for a moment before he sighed and got up. He allowed you to lead outside into the warm summer of his lands – towards the beautiful (and safe) green fields.

Your children sat on the picnic blanket like you let them – only this time your son did try and sneak a peek into a picnic basket you made and your daughter was scolding him for.

“Don’t do it!”

You could hear your daughter yell at her brother.

“Oh relax, just a small bit.”

He replied – you peeked up at your husband and noticed the amusing smile on him – making you spread your own smile as you approached them.

“And just what do you think you’re doing there, son?

Your husband spoke first adverting both your children’s attention to him.

As your twins saw their father their eyes beamed brightly and a huge grin spread across their face.

“Atya!”

They cheered and made their way other to Maedhros as fast as their little legs can take them. Both crashed into their father’s legs – hugging and clinging onto him as tightly as the possibly could with their arms and legs.

Maedhros only laughed and easily picked up the both of them to either side of him – both of them squealing in laughter at the height they were picked up to.

You smiled as relief filled seeing how much your husband smiled and laughed with them – it was a huge different from how he cried into your arms at night fearing everything around him for your twins he could push those fears down and let them enjoy their youth like he did – back when he was in Valinor.

He promised himself he would make sure to give them the best childhood despite what lurked on the horizon.

Your children started to tell Maedhros about their day, from the moment they woke up to now – and your husband listened carefully, giving his replies and reactions to each detail.

“It an alright day – but we missed you!”

Your son concluded and wrapped his chubby fingers around Maedhros’ neck and kissed his cheek. Your daughter did too kissing his other cheek – then both went on to bicker about who gave the biggest kiss.

You only laughed and shook your head.

“I think your Ammë is feeling a little jealous she isn’t getting the attention I am. Maybe you two should”

Maedhros whispered to his twins to make them stop bickering and your shot an eyebrow at him with a smirk as he purposely made it loud enough for your human ears to pick up.

“Yes, ammë!”

Your twins cheered – holding their arms out to you with grabby hands. They weren’t going to let go of Maedhros anytime soon but they were will still willing to give a kiss or two, only condition was they still got to be in their father’s arms.

You laughed and stepped closer – leaning your cheeks into for the both of them to kiss.

But your husband also took the opportunity to peak your lips, making the both of you laugh as your children delivered disapproving noises and gagging sounds.

Then – you moved to sit on the blanket, the twins placed on Maedhros’ legs as you opened the picnic basket to pull the out the food.

You didn’t miss your son’s excitedness to see the food. Maedhros once told you he was exactly like Celegorm he was just an elfling, his tummy never filled and it seen that was the same case for your son.

Always at night when you would try to put him to bed, he never fails to ask you the question of ‘what’s for breakfast tomorrow?’

Your daughter instantly toppled off her father’s lap to grab their favorite book – before climbing on him again, begging him to read. Your son distracted from what you were doing for a second to beg with his twin sister.

Maedhros had smiled and nodded taking the book and wrapping his arms around the both of them – the twins had found their father’s metal quite ‘cool’ as the said it and they had been arguing over who gets to have that arm to wrap around them, despite the fact it was a little cold.

Eventually Maedhros suggested the idea of tossing a coin and whoever wins gets the arm – then the next time they would swap other. So they agreed and surprising no arguments had risen after that – except the occasional whine or two.

You watched as he read to them – changing his voice for every character making them erupt in laughter.

Your eyes somewhat teared up as your prepared the food.

Despite all that happened and was happened, Maedhros made sure to be a good and better father – little did he know he was already the best and the twins loved him, for him. . .

They made sure the old Maitimo was still there. . .living. . .

Taglist form

taras taglist: @fizzyxcustard @a-contemplation-upon-flowers @wandererindreams @aeonianarchives @mismaeve @spidergirla5 @ranhanabi777 @asianbutnotjapanese

#maedhros #the silmarillion #answered #eunoiawrites #maedhros x reader #silmarillion #tolkien elves #russandol #maitimo x reader #maitimo #the silmarillion x reader #the silm #silmarillion x reader #nelyafinwe

[afroafrofuturistfuture]

Switch Pt 10

An: I wish y'all knew what I was going through for this 😭 but it's finally here before the end of the year. The end of my very first fanfic. Whew! It was an undertaking for sure. Crazy that it's actually finished. I'm grateful for anyone who found it, reblogged it and read it all. Much much love and a happy new year to you all!

Genre: Romance, fluff, smut, angst

Cw: 18+ only (mdni), sexual activity, cuss words, talks of cheating, p in v, hospital imagery, lil bit of sadness, barely proofread

Synopsis: Aged up Married Pro hero!Deku, Bakugo and Uraraka.

The truth comes out

Masterlist is here!

“Do you know why he seems so weird?” Ochacho asked Deku once Katsuki disappeared into Kami’s hospital room.

“Yes,” Deku said carefully. He took her hands in his and pulled her to sit in the same chair Katsuki was sitting in not too long ago. He looked at her for a long moment trying to decide what he should say and he realized how long it had been since he just looked at her like this. Really looked at her. She looked sweet, she was sweet. But she was so full of life, full of fire. There was always something brimming beneath her kind demeanor. A fierceness he couldn’t quite match or tame. He chuckled realizing how obvious this all should have been.

“Deku?”

“I had an affair with Kami.” He blurted, his voice as hushed as it could be in the busy hospital corridor. He could feel the tension in her hands. “And I know you had one with Kacchan.” Her face fell and he could just hear all the apologies that were about to come his way. “I’m not angry,” and of course that was the truth. He was never angry, could never be angry with her. “A bit hurt but I know why you did it. I can’t say it’s right but neither of us made the right decision. Katsuki didn’t give me details but I know you had an opportunity for something more than I could give you and you took it. I get it. Sometimes I’m more hero than man and I wish I could’ve been what you needed but I know it’s okay that I’m not.”

Ochaco looked stunned and sad. She looked away, bit her lip. The guilt was obvious. After a few moments, she finally spoke. “I have no excuse for what I did. I love you, of course, I do. But being with him is so different. He got me to think about what I wanted and that was so satisfying. And then at times he was so sweet with me…” She buried her face in her hands. “Shit.”

He let out a chuckle. “He really did a number on you, huh?” When she didn’t answer he went on. “I felt the same way. I was actually so selfish. I really only thought about what I wanted when I took the chance to have it. In fact, Kami had to stop me from taking it way too far! But that didn’t really matter in the end.” He sighed, considering how honest to be. But he wanted no more secrets. “I’m in love with her.”

Ochaco immediately raised her head. “In love with Kami?” He couldn’t tell what she could be thinking as her teeth worried over her lip. “Does she…feel the same?” She finally asked.

He slumped down further into his chair thinking about it. At one point, he thought she did. But she never said it. And he started to think maybe it was all in his head. “I don’t know. We’ve never talked about it. It wasn’t really possible to pursue, you know?” He realized he was being so cavalier about all of this and felt the need to clarify. “Bubble, I hope you don’t think I ever lied to you about us.”

She met his eyes, hers full of surprise and sadness. “No, Deku. I know.” He watched her eyes well up. “I’m sorry, I didn’t handle this well. We were working on things and I really fucked it up anyway. I went behind your back and that wasn’t fair. I’ve been hating myself this whole time because I didn’t want you to hate me. I didn’t want to think about the impact of it all and, seriously, you falling in love is nothing I ever expected but I can’t say I’m not glad for it. For you. I always wanted you to be happy even when I was fucking up, even if it wasn’t with me. I sound like a terrible person.”

His smile was sardonic. “I won’t say you cheating on me didn’t hurt. But I think you were so distant and I was so caught up with myself that it was easy to give myself to someone else. That part I don’t regret. Even if she may not feel the same, I can see what I need too.” He ran his hands over his face. His fatigue was catching up to him.

“I think I know what you mean.” He shifted to watch her speak. “Katsuki is…abrasive like always but he’s a lot more than I thought. He challenges me and makes me feel…free somehow. And he does care but he’s not overbearing about it. You and I make sense as a couple because we’re so alike but with him he’s so different that it’s exciting.” She looked dreamy as she spoke but quickly flinched realizing what she was saying. “Sorry. I don’t know how much of this you wanted to hear.”

“No, it’s good. I’ve only ever wanted you happy and a lot of the time I doubted that I could be the one to do that for you. I suppose I was right." A sad smile settled over his lips. "But to know someone can do it gives me a sense of relief."

"I feel the same way, Izuku. If Kami loves you, which there's no way she doesn't, then…that's amazing.”

She gave him a sad smile and he started to chuckle in disbelief at their situation. Both of them cheated on each other and fell for the other person. Or at least he thought so, but to be sure... “Are you in love with him?”

She blinked and sniffled as her cheeks darkened. “Um…I don’t know. I mean our last time seeing each other was so confusing. He made me feel so amazing and so low at the same time. I think I do have feelings for him though.” She wouldn’t meet Deku’s eyes.

He chuckled. “I think he has feelings for you too. It might take time for him to admit it but he’ll get there.”

She sat there in silence for a bit, color covering her face, before she asked, “Do you think we’ll all be okay?”

He thought about it. “Yeah. Yeah, I do. If nothing else, we have each other. Always.”

That was incredibly optimistic, something she didn’t know she could share but she expected nothing less from him. And in a way it was comforting. But now that her body was beginning to relax, she could feel her exhaustion. She found herself craving her bed, although for how long it would remain her bed she had no idea. “I think I’m going to go home.” She mumbled.

Deku nodded. “I think I’ll stay.”

They gave each other tired smiles. She stood and he stood with her. They hugged because it felt right.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

“Deku,” Kami tried to coax him awake. His head had been resting on the rail on her bed and she knew he’d get a crick in his neck. “Deku, wake up.” She nudged him gently. He groaned in response and she laughed. “I know you’re not comfortable. Come on, wake up.” She nudged more forcefully this time.

He pulled himself up, finally rubbing his eyes before he opened them. “Okay, I’m up.” The hospital room was darker now with moonlight and the displays from various machines providing the only light. She smiled sleepily at him as his eyes settled on her. “Hi, baby,” he smiled back.

Her heart thrilled hearing him call her that. It meant he still thought of her the way he used to.

“I can’t believe you stayed. I can’t believe they let you.” She spoke almost in a whisper as if speaking any louder would disturb the lovely dream they were in.

“Of course I did. I think they know who I am. Did you not want me to?”

She hated that he asked. “No, I’m happy you stayed.”

“Then I’m happy you’re happy.” He rested his head back on the railing except now he was fully awake giving her his full attention.

“How are you feeling?”

He chuckled. “I think I’m supposed to be asking you that. But I’m okay for now. How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay, too. Sad though.”

“Why are you sad?”

“You’re leaving,” She muttered. She ran a finger over his arm lightly.

He sat up a little straighter as he sighed. He caught her hand in his and stroked the back of her hand with this thumb. “I keep telling myself it’s for the best.”

“Is it really though? I mean my husband is in love with your wife and I-” She stopped short and his eyes shot to hers, wide and piercing even in the dark. She realized she hadn’t had a chance to tell him how she felt about him but he had to know. She sat up a bit more herself and Deku watched her adjust, just waiting. “‘Zuku,” She kissed the back of his hand. “I-I’m so in love with you. It scares me but it’s true. I don’t want to be afraid of it because you don’t seem like you are but you’re also leaving and-”

He pulled her into a searing kiss that wiped her mind clean. It felt like it had been years since they last kissed and her emotions came bubbling to the surface. Tears ran down between their faces and he only held her closer. When he finally pulled back enough to look into her eyes, she could see that he was steady and certain. “Baby, of course I’m afraid,” he chuckled and it was light with relief. “I’m fucking terrified. Especially because I thought I was ruining everyone’s lives.”

“Well now you’re just ruining mine,” She pouted and sniffled. She meant it jokingly but she also meant it to a degree.

He gave her a sad smile as the thumb from the hand still resting on her cheek stroked over her skin.”I’m ruining mine too. Unless you want to come with me.” He said it lightly, like a joke, like it was wishful thinking.

“Take me.” She said, with no hesitation.

His brows pushed together and his mouth twisted as if to say be serious. “Don’t be silly.”

“I’m not. Okay maybe I am but I mean it. Take me with you.”

“Kami,” he sat back away from her and that left her feeling chilly. “You can’t leave everything for me.”

Her face crumpled but she laughed as she spoke around more tears. “You pretty much are everything to me.” He shook his head slowly in disbelief but she could see the hope he tried to hold back. Understanding that completely, she pushed on. “What’s here for me? Watching Katsuki and Ochaco get some kind of happily ever after while I pine away for you? My job isn’t even all that important. Not like you big heroes. I love my friends but I know I’d miss you more than anything.” As she said it, she realized how true it was. Her life wasn’t bad. It was stable and easy. But what would it be without him?

He reached for her again, his hands sliding over her cheeks as he rested his forehead against hers. He shook his head again slowly. “How do you know I’m worth all of that? I can’t be,” he lamented.

She laughed. “Deku, I know I was scared of the risk. I was scared of getting found out and losing everything so I left you instead.” She reached up to touch his face too. “And I’ve regretted it every day since. I don’t think I care anymore, especially after this, after waking up here and having you be the first thing on my mind even before I opened my eyes. It was stupid not to just be honest with you.”

“No, no. I know why you weren’t. To be honest, I thought it was stupid for me to nearly slip up and tell you. It was all too impulsive. No plan for anything after that. I just knew I loved you and I wanted you.”

“I wish I had let you tell me.” Kami whispered. “I wish I could have heard it back then.”

“You looked okay without me before,” he whispered back. “I thought…I thought we were really done.”

She chuckled. “I couldn’t just walk around looking miserable. That would’ve caused more questions.”

He stared at her for a moment. “You’d really come with me?” His voice was still hushed and tense.

“If you let me. Would you?”

His eyes welled as he started to sob softly. “Of course I would. I’d love to take you anywhere with me.” He hugged her as tight as he could to him while she was still hooked up in her hospital bed and she held on tightly to him. Relief flooded into her at his words. And when he clutched her in a hard kiss, she knew no matter what, she would follow him anywhere.

“Surprise!” Deku uncovered her eyes after they stepped into the living room of Kami’s house.

“Deku,” she laughed. “What is this?”

There was a banner hanging up over the kitchen entrance, welcoming her home. On the floor, Deku piled thick blankets in front of the coffee table that was covered with different snacks. On the couch, he laid out pajamas for them both. He shrugged. “You’re ‘welcome home’ picnic. I know the doctor said to take it easy. Do you like it or is it dumb?”

“Deku,” She planted her hands on his chest as she lifted up on her toes to kiss him. “I love it. Really. I can’t wait to relax and watch movies with you.”

His hands came up to her waist as he relaxed and kissed her back. “Okay, baby. Let’s get changed and we can get right to it.” He guided her to the couch and she smiled to herself at the matching green pajamas he picked out for them.

“I’m realizing how corny I am now that you’re here,” he laughed nervously and blushed a bit.

“I wouldn’t have you any other way. I love them. But I may need your help.” Kami’s head and body were still a bit tender after the accident and from lying in a bed for days.

“Sure, of course.” He gingerly tugged her shirt over her head and it made her heart swell in appreciation for his sweetness. After he pulled her shirt away, she couldn’t help but kiss him before he reached for her pants. He smiled at her and she kissed him again, soaking in the warmth from his body and personality. There was nothing but love for her from him and now that she had it again, she refused to let it go. She meant it to be a cute kiss, sweet but her breathing quickened as her body reacted to him pulling her close. Their kisses were languid and naturally, her mouth opened to him. Like muscle memory their tongues met and she could hear his low moan.

“God, I missed you,” he muttered, his voice tight. “But I know we can’t…do anything. I gotta calm down,” he chuckled.

He tried to put distance between them but she held tight to his arms. “I think if we just…take it easy…” Kami tried to reason through her now hazy mind.

He laughed. “Such a bad influence. But I can’t say I don’t want it like you do.” His hand slid slowly down her body and dipped beneath the waistband of her pants. He found his way into her underwear and gently brushed over the top of her clit. Her body tensed. She was more sensitive than she thought she’d be, which seemed perfect for taking it easy. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” She nodded and bit her lip. “I don’t know about you but I haven’t had sex since the last time we did,” he mumbled.

“Really?” She was gasping at the light strokes.

“Really, so this should be interesting.” He chuckled. “Would you be okay with being on top? You could be in control and just move your hips back and forth.”

“Sounds…perfect.”

He removed his pants and hers before sitting on the floor in front of the couch and leaning back against it. He pulled her into his lap and she slid her covered slit over his already hard cock. They both moaned. He rested his hands on her hips and gently guided her over him. She laced her fingers behind his neck and kissed him, meeting his tongue with hers.

He sucked in a sharp breath. “You know I’m not usually rough with you unless you want it but I’m just so happy to have you back in my arms, it’s not hard not to think of going crazy with you.”

She laughed. “I know what you mean. If I wasn’t so achy, I would be bouncing on you as hard as I can.”

His eyes darkened hearing that. “This is okay though? You’re okay?”

“Yes, I want more,” she muttered, moving to kiss and nip at his neck.

He groaned and his head fell back as he pulled himself free of his boxers. “Take it, then. Please.”

His words pierced her core, spreading heat all over as she pulled her panties to the side. She rubbed her bare skin against him a couple more times, driving them both a little crazy before she slowly started to take him in. She was already incredibly wet which wasn’t hard to believe.

He chuckled breathlessly. “As it is, you’ll be going slow for me. Oh my God. Was it always like this?”

“Yes, it was. Every fucking time.” She took him in a little deeper and she felt his thighs bunch beneath her. He hissed and she could see him trying to hold himself together. It made her take him in even farther. The stretch was intense but fulfilling. Her spine was tingling just from feeling him inside of her.

“Baby,” his breathing was labored as he reached forward and put a thumb to her clit. “Are you okay?”

She choked out a laugh. “Are you okay?”

He smiled up at her. “I’ve withstood far worse.”

“What about far better though?” She sank all the way down, their thighs meeting.

His mouth fell open and he pinched his eyes shut.

“Deku,” she panted. “Look at me, I missed you.”

He opened his eyes to slits. “Fuck, I missed you, too. So much.”

She shifted her hips forward and he groaned. She kissed him as she slowly moved her hips. She felt so full, so warm as they moved together. He was reaching places inside of her that were reaching far beyond just between her legs. But it still wasn’t enough. “This is killing me already.”

“I know what you mean. I could move if you want me to. Thrust up while you stay still. I won’t do anything crazy.”

She could see the effort it was taking him not to do it already. She nodded. “Do it, please.”

“Let me know if I’m holding you too hard,” he said just as he took her hips in a vice grip, supporting the full weight of her upper body. She couldn’t really move if she wanted to. They readjusted and he tested a full slide up into her reaching all the way in, causing them both to gasp. “Yes,” he hissed as he slid nearly all the way out and back in. He picked up speed, finding a steady pulse. “Does it feel good?” She nodded, at a loss for words. “Good, because you feel perfect. So perfect. You are perfect.” He started rambling. “I love you. I love your body. I love being inside of you. I just love everything about you.”

She snaked a hand down to rub her fingers over her clit and Deku reacted in excitement, pulsing faster. She knew her legs were already begging to give out but the pain was an afterthought compared to the pleasure swimming through her veins.

“Baby, please tell me you’re close.”

Kami’s eyes had fallen closed and her body started to tense. “Deku, fuck, I love it. Love the way you make me feel. Love you.” She panted as she chased the high that was within reach.

His mouth was closed but he moaned loud anyway. He was coming then, hips thrusting fast, and she followed right behind him, stars behind her lids, heat and pleasure enveloping her as she was flooded with sensations. He let his body sag against the floor and he pulled her down on top of him, resting her head on his shoulder. He stroked a hand over her hair. “Was that okay?”

“It was great.” She folded her hands over one another on his chest and rested her chin on them as she smiled lazily up at him.

“I think you telling me you loved me sent me over the edge.” He laughed and she joined him.

“Good, then I’ll just have to keep saying it.” She leaned up to kiss him. “I love you, Deku.”

“I love you, Kami.” He wrapped her up in his arms and she knew this is what she wanted forever to look like, being in his arms, soaking in his warmth and listening to his heart beat for her.

#mha x reader #mha fanfic #mha deku x oc #mha deku #bnha deku #bnha midoriya #mha midoriya #bnha x reader #bnha fic #bnha ochaco uraraka #bnha uraraka #mha ochaco #mha uraraka #switch fic #my hero academia deku #deku x oc #izuku x ochaco #bnha ochaco #ochaco uraraka #ochaco #izuku midoriya #izuku smut #midoriya izuku #bnha izuku

[autisticbokutoenthusiast]

tracking nuthphop through music: ep 4 and 5

*warning that songs and timestamps may not be 100% accurate, i tried by best tho. also i tried to descirbe the emotions of some of the songs but im not great at naming emotions so sorry in advance*

Ep 4

first nuthphop scene where phop is streaming.

- (kenji-ooyy 2:00) at the beginning of ep 4 their first contact is nuth private messaging phop while he’s live, the music is digital and in my sleepy state i’ll describe it as uptempo rock guitars with a lil hip hop influence. it’s exciting and sits closer to dark than light.

-(couldnt find the track 2:50) we then change to just nuth and phop messaging and the music is this like quick pulsating suspense synth and kick drum that to me sounds a bit like a beating heart.

- (couldnt find the track 3:20) then it switches to a 4 on the floor disco edm type sound.

- (machine vs machine - dream cave 3:50) when nuths payment comes through we go to dark and heavy synth sounds to me it almost sounds like a battle scene.

- (inverted - hampus naeselius 5:03) when nuth gets blocked we go back to quick pulse beats that sound like it’s misc digital percussion with some haunting higher pitched synths pulsing in and out

Phop agreeing to film with nuth

- (32:23 drifting emotions howard harper-barnes) this song starts right after the keen and phop moment where they have to stop because keen refused to wear a condom, it plays during phops narration about sex work and ends when he checks a message from nuth [the "im so sad you blocked me" one]

- (34:26 ambivalent thoughts- magnus ringblom) their messaging convo is silent until nuth sends a deposit and phop starts seriously considering meeting up with him again. it’s a sentimental piano ballad.

Nuth on the phone with mystery guy (i suspect jason lee) aka my beloved invisible hand scene

- (couldn’t find the track 37:57) it’s silent as the camera zooms in on nuth looking at his bank account. then at his trophy/plaque. when he makes the decision to call to ask to sell drugs [for daddy jason lee??] again theirs a heartbeat like bass drum and various reverbed and echoy percussion sounds that come in and out

- (39:11 cry- johannes bornlôf) another sad piano song. this plays as nuth finishes the phone call. i think it’s interesting that we get sad piano ballads for the phop/nuthphop/nuth scenes because they don’t [typically] repeat songs despite choosing ones that sound very similar…

the filming

- (couldn’t find the track 48:22) phop arrives at the filming location to a hip hop drum beat.

- (colds- guß 48:50) this sorta upbeat while still being lowkey electro instrumental plays when nuth tells phop to relax and they begin to set up

- (49:25 feelin ma self- push n glide) during the test lines this more uptempo and confident beat plays, specifically when nuths camera changes from just filming phop to filming him is a sexual way? idk how i want to explain it but yeah the song changes when the camera nuth is holding changes the way it views phop. [sidenote hihats in this one lowkey hit, idk what the gun shot sounds doing here tho].

- (50:22 kenji- ooyy) then we have an upbeat synth and electric guitar based hip hop beat when nuth says he’ll start revealing the acts he wants phop to do and what he’ll pay for them. This is the same song they play during our very first nuthphop moment so its like full circle for them in terms of their journey this ep (i think this may represent the fact that they begin and end with nuth paying phop to perform on camera for him) [side note the beat drops when nuth says he’ll wear a condom]

- i will also mention a trap beat plays at the end of the ep but it plays over all the characters so i’m not really counting it as a nuthphop song

ep 5

nuth and phop are chilling high on the bacony with nuth teasing and recording phop.

- (30:35 kobicha- arden forest) a sad? low piano solo plays while nuth watches fondly as phop tries to lick his own elbow.

- (31:24 yoiyami- sayuri hayashi egnell) a different piano solo (brighter and a bit pluckier) plays as phop begins reading nuths new script. this song continues playing through the “people like us can’t make porn that gets seen as art or wins awards, ours only gets seen as obscene” scene. it stops when nuth starts looking sad and phop changes the subject to having to leave and go to work.

- (32:50 ambivalent thoughts- magnus ringblom) this is the song that played last ep when nuth asked phop to consider filming with him and sends a deposit. this starts playing as nuth carries phop out on his back and then as hes shaving him. it stops abruptly with a high pitched noise when phop refers to nuth as his client and nuth points out he can only pay with drugs and not cash. there’s not music playing as nuth asks phop not to leave him to go work.

- (34:15 scared of water - kikoru) this eerie string piece plays as nuth stares down at phop with the shaving blade in his hand, it continues throughout them kissing and the pan down to nants necklace on the floor

artsy nuthphop scene

- (45:40 yoiyami- sayuri hayashi egnell) [notice this played earlier] it begins during the convo where aob rejects puen and then carries into the scene where the camera is all shaky and nuth and phop are under a purplish spotlight in a room that is dark. as nuth says “im hallucinating i can hear his voice” phop suddenly appears next to him and says “im physically here” and the music stops abruptly. i will say because of where it played earlier in the ep this song feels like it represents nuths hopeless feelings.

- (46:49 i can’t find this song for shit yall im sorry like it’s making me insane i cannot find this fucking song) phop says “i miss you” and nuth says “me or the drugs?” when phop says “both” a new song starts and plays while they have sex it’s upbeat and with strings and digital percussion and have lyrics that give like love against the odds vibes or like love at the end of the world. this is while they have sex and theres also random shots of a field of grain? and cowboys hugging?

- (49:08 incomplete- gavin luke) after they wake up and are staring at eachother a new piano song plays it’s kinda sad not in a i’m sad way but in a feeling lowkey CALM calm is the word but also light

- (50:00 last level part 2- hey son) this song plays briefly when phop picks up and shows nuth the N necklace. and nuth has a flashback.

- (50:40 hope will prevail- ecobel) this piano part that leads into like edm ish lowkey beats plays when phop asks it he can keep the necklace to remind him of nuth. the beat drops when they kiss.

this was really interesting imo. like how in ep 4 they begin and end the ep with the same song, how when they're being honest about emotions and feelings they get piano ballads but they have different flavours, etc. im excited to do the next eps

ep 6

#playboyy the series #playboyy meta #nuthphop #nuth playboyy #phop playboyy

[twinkodium]

i started writing on this ask today before work but didn’t have time to send it off before i started….. so it’s a bit messy and it’s about a couple random posts you’ve reblogged today, good luck figuring out what posts im referring to shdjdhdjdj

the lil arthur tags on the gifs of charles 🥺 you didn’t ask but i’ve been in *such* an arthur mood recently… esp have been thinking a lot about his voice 🫶 and how him and charles sound pretty much identical at times 🫶 extra in love with arthur speaking french waaaaaa that video of him being angry at charles in french while streaming…….. lives in my head rent free

the hands on the waist is insane. just like the hand on the bicep. w o w. it’s not like it’s the first time but ?? 😵 also the way i didn’t say anything about his ass but… 👀 (love it so so so much)

pleaseeee podium in special suit and helmet and sweaty oscar and- the only thing that could’ve made it even better is if he hadn’t cut his hair 🫣

i’m sorry but im going crazy… yoUR TAGS ON THE POOL POST?? HELLO??? DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME??????? INSANEEEE it should be illegal to put those thoughts in my head! esp when they’re so good i might cry!! i’m gonna try to not get too worked up about it but….

(^ me rn)

yet again, this has turned into a novel 😶 i apologize, sweet dreams tonight love <3

Jackie, honey hellooo 🥹🥹

Ugh work is ruining our lives big time… I couldn’t enjoy the content today fully because I was at work when all them were dropped 😭

I figured out in 2020 during quarantine that they sound exactly the same if they both use their thick accents 😩 I remember Lando being confused of which one of them were talking all the time 😭 Arthur is just a clone of Charles. Same voice, same chaotic energy, no braincells, competitive in challenge videos yet always end up losing 🫣🫣 no I love Arthur but my bestie tagged me on a video I wished I’ve never seen because now if I think about Arthur that video just appears in my mind and NOPE!! Which video?? I can’t recall seeing that one 😭 send it over pls 🥺

HANDS ON EVERYTHING preferably on my neck but only happens in my imagination… sad times 🥴 PLS YOU CANT BE SILENT ABOUT THAT JUICY FINE ASS 😩😩 and the way he tilts his hip like that to have it in our faces is a war crime 😩😩 cuz we can only look and not touch 😠

Special livery, special helmet, black suits, will be a mental and physical race so they’ll be sweating like crazy 😮‍💨😮‍💨and if he ends up on the podium looking like that I’ll never shut up about it 🫠🫠 hair is okay tho and with him being sweaty it won’t make any difference 🤭🤭

OMG, I love how everyone is losing their minds reading my tags 🤭🤭🤭 sorry not sorry, woke up after a nice nap and ideas hit me hard after coming across the pic 😩😩 SUCH A BIG COMPLEMENT FROM YOU OMG I MIGHT CRY NOW 😭😭😭 all of your reactions make me think that I might should write it but like brainstorming and plotting is easy but actually writing the whole piece gives me a hard time always when I’m about to write something 😭 especially knowing myself and love for details it’d be longer than 10K+ words 🫣🫣🫣 I DUNNO I MIGHT GIVE IT A TRY 😏😏

Love you reaction🥹🥹 you’re so sweet 🥺🥺 ily

no worries baby, you can rant as long as you want 🥰 I’m here for all the chaotic asks you’re sending to me 🫶🏼 sweet dreams love 🥰🥰

#asks #jackie 🧡 #buttercup 🥰 #Oscar #Arthur #Charles #daily discussion with Jackie about Oscar 🥰 #about the tags I really appreciate how many people liked it and actually reached out to say it 🥹🥹 #I felt loved and appreciated I rare feel nowadays so 🥺 thank you #I might give it a go and try to write it for you guys 🫣