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btsmfanfics · 2 years

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The Choreographer -- Pt. 12

Pairing: Jungkook X Reader (With some Jimin X reader and Yoongi X Reader, but mostly JK).

Rating: Explicit (not so much in this chapter, but in others)

Warnings: Drinking, mentions of past drug use, mentions of past threesomes, mentions of past sexual assault.

Summary: You were the assistant choreographer for BTS tasked with taking over for the lead while on tour. You'd sacrificed everything for this job, and you didn't want to risk it, but the temptation has proved to be too sweet.

Now you have to juggle the social, physical, and emotional consequences of your affairs. Jealousy between the members, social isolation, and potential feelings? No, that last one was not something you'd allow. You already had enough on your plate. You had to squash that down.

But feelings demand to be felt. And you cannot run away forever.

---OR---

How I dumped all my trauma into a single fanfic.

Masterlist is here

_______

A/N: I promise the chapter after this won’t be so heavy. I’m going to add in a lighter and fluffier filler chapter for a nice break before we get back into the heavy stuff. It’s nearing the end of the story now. I can’t believe we’ve come this far. This has been three years in the making. THIS IS ANOTHER SAD ONE. Please, please, please do not read this if you aren’t in a great place mentally. I don’t think absorbing more sadness will help. We relive some of her past trauma in this one and it doesn’t necessarily end on a positive note. This character will be happy again soon, I promise.

_________________________________________

Chapter 12:

The numbness carried over to the next morning, when you arose to a sun that was far too bright and skies that were much too clear.

You had to face him again today. You didn’t know if you could.

The temptation to leave had reached a crescendo last night. This level of moral perfection was too much to ask of anyone. You’d had rough nights before, but this was getting to be too much. How much more would you have to give to this company? You barely had anything left.

You’d sacrificed far too much to be here, though. You couldn’t let that be in vain.

You arrived at the venue early. Jia was already there, setting up her station.

She took one look at you and rushed over to wrap you up in a hug.

“Are you okay?” she asked. You buried your face in her shoulder. “What happened?”

You shook your head against her collar, unable to form words. Tears threatened to spill over at her kindness. One of them actually did.

You sat in Jia’s makeup chair while she brushed your hair for you and did her best to conceal the dark circles under your puffy, red eyes.

“Are you sure you don’t need me to kick someone’s ass?” she asked.

You gave her the closest thing to a smile you could muster. “Thanks, Ji. That would be great.”

She seemed satisfied enough with your answer to drop the subject. She didn’t even ask who. She didn’t need to.

It was a while before the guys all strolled into the makeup room. When they did, you immediately faced forward and averted your eyes. You couldn’t chance looking at him.

Yoongi made a beeline over to where you and Jia were setting up.

“What happened to you?” he asked, loud and brash as he always was.

“Real nice,” Jia spat.

“I’d rather not talk about it,” you said and got up so he could sit in the makeup chair. He plopped down as Jia began arranging her brushes on the counter before him.

“If it makes you feel any better, I had a shit night too,” he said.

“I can see that,” said Jia as she began to dip a brush into a palette. “How many sets of dark circles am I going to have to cover today?”

“Why’s that?” you asked him.

“I got an email from the label. They’re pushing the release date back another month for my mixtape.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I wish I were.”

“How can they keep doing this to you?” you asked.

He shrugged. “Beats me,” he said. “There’s nothing I can do about it though. They have the final say.”

“That sucks, Yoongs,” said Jia. “I’m really sorry.”

“You told them about the mixtape?” Hoseok asked, walking up to where the three of you were conversing. “Bullshit, isn’t it?”

Jia nodded.

Your heart sank. Yoongi had been working so hard on that mixtape. You sensed that he was losing hope. You would too if the thing you really wanted kept getting dangled in front of you, only to be snatched away again and again.

In a way, you supposed that’s exactly what had happened to you.

You chanced a look over at Jungkook. He was joking around with Jin, all smiles and laughter.

“Someone looks like they’re in a good mood,” you muttered to Jia.

“Oh Jungkook?” said Hoseok. “Yeah, I’d be too if I’d gotten head from Yeona last night.”

The brush Jia had been holding clattered to the floor. “Sorry,” she squeaked and ducked down to retrieve it. In the mirror, Yoongi’s eyes flicked up to meet yours.

“Oh?” you asked, throat seizing up.

“Yeah,” said Hoseok. “She’s been after him since the beginning of the tour. Good thing, too, because he definitely needed it. He’s been unbearable lately.”

You exhaled a shaky breath. “Oh.”

“To be honest, I’m surprised it took him as long as it did to taker her up on it. I know I wouldn’t have held out that long. Have you seen the body on that woman?”

Yoongi winced. “Hoseok,” he hissed exasperatedly, “shut the fuck up.”

Hoseok’s brows knitted together as he gaped at Yoongi. The silence between the four of you grew painfully awkward.

“Hey, so did Hanyuel tell you that he’s planning a massive party while we’re in Japan?” Jia cut in. It came out a little louder and faster than normal. Yoongi continued to watch you intently while Hoseok, still looking puzzled, merely shrugged and shifted his focus to Jia.

“That’s awesome,” you breathed, feigning excitement while your insides turned to liquid. You dug your nails into your palms and gritted your teeth to keep your cool until you could get out of there.

“Yeah,” it should be a lot of fun,” she replied. You took a step backwards. Then another.

“Do you think he’ll rent out a movie theater again like he did last year?” Hoseok asked, unaware of the devastating blow he’d delivered only moments ago.

“I don’t know,” answered Jia. “He was talking about go-karts last I knew.” She said this while still watching you over Hoseok’s shoulder. You wanted to tell her you were fine, but you’d be lying. Her face grew more and more concerned as Hoseok’s words blended into the environment. You crossed your arms tightly in front of you, holding your ribcage together.

You were okay. You’d be fine. You knew this was a possibility. Jungkook was just trying to get his needs met.

Isn’t that what all of you were doing? Just trying to get your needs met? How could you fault him for that?

Your stomach lurched. You needed to get out of there.

“I should probably get out of your way,” you said, more people trickling into the room. “I’ll catch up with you later.”

You didn’t even think Hoseok heard you. He was still talking excitedly to the room about the party. Jia and Yoongi watched as you backed away, turned, and rushed out the door.

Turning right, you worked hard to steady your breath as you searched for anything that would do.

You passed several locked doors along the mostly-empty hallway, offices of stadium managers, locker rooms, and storage areas. It stretched on and on. It felt like it would never end. Like the walls were closing in. You quickened your pace.

You found an unlocked supply closet and wrenched the door open, darted inside and, trying to not draw any more attention to you, shut it as softly as you could. Shelves of various cleaning products and cans of paint lined the small area. Several brooms leaned haphazardly against the wall. A large automated floor scrubber took up most of the space, and in the corner sat a lone empty bucket.

You shook your hands, trying to rid yourself of excess anxious energy.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

You hummed through the exhale, trying to regulate your breath as tears spilled down.

This was okay. You’d be okay. You knew this could happen. Jungkook didn’t owe you any loyalty, especially after last night.

Scanning the room, you found an empty mop bucket. As quickly and silently as you could, you flipped it over and sat down on it, clutching your chest while you rocked back and forth.

You were okay. You didn’t need him. It was fine. He could be with other women. He could be with Yeona and her amazing body.

You noticed your breath hitching on the intake. You pursed your lips to slow down your exhale and keep yourself from hyperventilating. Your eyes stung. You tapped your chest with your hands, fighting to stay in control.

The air inside the closet was thick and warm. It weighed down your chest, making it difficult to fill your lungs.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

You bit down on your knuckles to muffle the strangled noises now escaping from your throat.

You were spiraling.

The door swung open, startling you. Yoongi peered around it.

“Shit,” he said, closing the door behind him and making his way past the scrubber. He knelt beside you and took your hand in his. “You okay?”

You nodded, bouncing a leg up and down, continuing to rock back in forth. You couldn’t meet his eyes.

The tears continued to pour out. Hot and wet against your cheeks, they slid cleanly down your face and collected at your chin before falling onto your hoodie in fat drops.

“I know that must have been rough to hear,” he said, thumb stroking over yours. “Do you need anything?”

You shook your head no, continuing to stare straight ahead, jaw clenched tight.

“Do you want me to stay?” he asked. You nodded.

“Okay.”

He sat down on the floor next to you—his presence calming you down enough for you to process.

As much as you couldn’t fault Jungkook for taking care of his needs, you weren’t prepared for this.

It was just sex, you reminded yourself. It’s not like he had feelings for her. And he had come to you first.

“You know,” said Yoongi softly, “when I first heard the news that my mixtape was delayed again, I threw my phone across the room.”

You looked not quite at him, but your eyes moved slightly in his direction.

“I think I dented the wall. Some poor underpaid maintenance guy is going to have to fix it,” he said.

You didn’t quite laugh, but you exhaled through your nostrils a little faster than normal, knee still bouncing up and down rapidly.

“And that’s not even the worst part,” he continued. “My screen shattered because I was too lazy to buy a screen protector.”

You wouldn’t necessarily agree that him not being able to see his texts was worse than an underpaid maintenance guy having to fix the aftermath of Yoongi’s tantrum, but you didn’t voice that.

“Where are you going with this?” you asked.

“I don’t know,” Yoongi said. “Just thought you might find it amusing.”

“My deepest condolences for your screen,” you said, flatly.

“Yes, I am suffering more than anyone else in this world, thank you for noticing,” he said.

At that, you managed a chuckle.

“I know you’re going through a tough time right now,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

“Thanks,” you said, offering up a small smile. “I’m sorry for you, too. I know how much you had your heart set on a spring release.”

“Ahh,” he said. “I’ll be okay. I might just have to write a really angsty track and include it, now that I have the time.” “I hope you do,” you said.

“You going to be okay?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” you answered truthfully. “I’d like to think so, but I’m not even sure how I feel.”

“I understand,” he said. “Truly. It’s okay to not be entirely sure. You’re smart. You’ll figure it out.”

“Will I?” you asked.

“Yes. And even if you don’t, that’s okay too.”

A knock sounded and the door opened. You didn’t bother looking up to see who it was.

“How is she?” you heard Jia ask.

“She’s okay. I’ve got her,” he said.

“Thirty minutes until the run-through,” she said. “You’ve still got to get your makeup touched up, Yoongi.”

“Okay thanks,” he said, taking out his cell phone. “Do you think you can make it through rehearsals? If not, I can call one of our drivers to come get you. Hoseok and I can lead the run-through.”

“You, lead a run-through?” you asked. “You hate dancing.”

“Can’t you let someone do something nice for you without sarcasm?”

“Sorry,” you said immediately. “Yes, that would be nice.”

Yoongi turned back to his phone, but flicked his eyes back up. “Jackass,” he muttered under his breath. A smile played at the corner of his mouth. His eyes screwed up in concentration. You looked down and saw that his phone screen was indeed brutally shattered.

The short drive to the hotel passed by in a blur. You probably could have walked, but it was nice to have someone drive you.

Once in your hotel, you threw yourself back on to the bed and stared at the ceiling. When that didn’t work, you rolled over and screamed into your pillow. After that, you tried punching it several times in your rage. Over and over again, you slammed your fists into the soft down, finally picking it up and throwing it across the room. It hit the beige wall beside your bed and fell to the floor with an unsatisfying plop.

And when that didn’t work, you rolled off the bed and slid onto the floor to join it.

That worked. The floor was exactly where you were meant to be at that moment. You knew for a fact.

You ran your fingers over the rough material of the carpet. It was scratchy. For as nice of a hotel as it was, they sure didn’t break the budget for their carpeting.

“They probably figured their guests wouldn’t be the floor-dwelling type,” you muttered aloud.

Fuck.

Jungkook and Yeona.

You tiled your head backwards on the carpet, hair bunching under your skull, and looked back at the nightstand, observing how odd it appeared from this perspective.

What even was your life right now?

Were you okay? Really?

Yes, you supposed you were. But you weren’t sure how much more you could take after this. You weren’t happy with the level of work you’d been performing. You could feel your energy steadily going downhill, and you hated doing a sub-par job. It wasn’t fair to you or the company.

But you couldn’t exactly quit right now. There was nobody to replace you. A sub-par job would have to do, because you definitely didn’t have the energy to do a thorough one.

That was probably the only concession you could take. The guys were pretty capable of handling themselves. There wasn’t much you had to do by that point anyway. They’d hit their stride and were making far fewer mistakes than they’d made at the start of the tour.

You heaved another sigh.

If you had any sense, you’d quit. You probably should have given your two-weeks notice two weeks ago.

If it weren’t for the damn promise you made, you’d be long gone.

You thought back to Son and wondered how he was doing.

It can’t be easy losing a parent slowly like that. Not one as kind and loving as his.

You flipped on to your side and tucked your arm under your head. As much as you’d like to empathize with Son right now, you had to reserve your empathy for yourself.

What were you going to do?

“Nothing,” you said to the empty room.

You were going to do nothing. There was nothing you could do, anyway. You didn’t have the energy.

You stayed that way, laying on the floor in various positions for most of the night until you couldn’t stand it anymore and had to move.

You only got as far as the bed, however. And with nothing left to do, you turned the TV to a random channel, and dissociated in front of it for the next few hours. You ordered room service again, treating yourself to more than one dish, because that was about all you could do to console yourself at the moment.

Even then, you didn’t have much of an appetite and had to force yourself to eat.

This had to be the worst you’d felt on the tour. Possibly the worst you’d felt since you were still living at home with your narcissistic parents.

You thought you’d escaped these feelings when you left. You thought you wouldn’t have to deal with shit like this anymore once you got out. That your internship had saved you from ever having to feel this trapped in your own life.

You’d worked so hard to be here. Done things you were so, so proud of, as well as things you weren’t.

And for what? To be locked away in a lonely hotel room? Isolated from everyone? No support system outside of work? No life outside of work?

Was this really what you wanted for your life?

At first, it had been. The prestige that came with being a choreographer for a massively successful group made you feel like it was worth the effort. All the pain and hardship and struggles you’d endured. But prestige was only so rewarding after a while.

You thought back to your dream of opening your own studio one day. A dream that you’d pocketed as soon as you’d gotten this gig.

Did you make a mistake accepting this job? Should you have followed through with your original plan and opened your own studio? It would have been difficult, but would you be any better off?

You decided not to follow that train of thought, knowing it would only lead to feelings of regret. You couldn’t handle those on top of everything else. Not right now.

______________

It was approaching midnight when a knock sounded at your door.

You looked out the peep hole before answering. Yoongi was there, holding a bottle of liquor.

“Password?” you asked.

“Eat my ass,” he said. You chuckled and opened the door for him to enter.

His hair was damp and he smelled strongly of hotel soap.

“Sorry it took me so long,” he said, entering your room. “I had to shower and eat.”

He slipped his shoes off and made his way over to the desk, where he found two glasses. He wasted no time pouring two fingers of liquor in each glass, turning to you only when he was ready to hand you one.

You took it gratefully and clinked your glassware with his.

“How’re you holding up?” he asked.

You shrugged, “I’m about here,” you said, gesturing over to the mess of plates piled up on the nightstand next to your bed. “How was the show?”

“It was fine. Jungkook kept his head down. I think he knew he was the reason you weren’t at rehearsal today.”

“And the others?”

“I just told them you weren’t feeling well and needed to rest. They seemed understanding.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah,” he said, taking a sip of the liquor.

“Thanks,” you said. He peered over the glass still touching his lips. He must have sensed your earnestness because he swallowed thickly as he brought the glass back down to his side.

“Drink,” he said, letting his gaze drop from yours to the glass in your hand.

You followed his lead, sipping on the amber liquid. It stung your mouth. You weren’t used to drinking straight liquor unless it was in the form of a shot and you had a chaser.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked as you meandered back over to the bed.

You shook your head and took another sip.

“Fair enough,” he said, sitting at the opposite end of the bed and facing you. “For what it’s worth, Hoseok’s an idiot.”

You snorted, because as well-meaning as he was, Hoseok really could be an idiot sometimes.

“He really has no idea when to keep his mouth shut, does he?”

Yoongi’s eyes crinkled, and he flashed that gummy smile. It was infectious.

“In Hoseok’s defense, he didn’t know anything about you and Jungkook,” Yoongi said.

Your face fell once again at the mention of his name. “No, I suppose he didn’t.”

“I’m sorry,” said Yoongi. “You said you didn’t want to talk about it.”

“No, it’s probably good to talk about it a little.” “What exactly happened between the two of you?” Yoongi asked seriously. “All I know is that you two had been involved, but then you weren’t, but then maybe you were again? I’m not sure.” Yoongi trailed off.

You took a deep breath.

“He came to my room last night.”

“What?” Yoongi interjected. “What did he want?”

You stayed silent, partially because it was hard to relive, but also because you figured Yoongi could infer it, which he did after a few quiet moments.

“Ah,” he said. “And I’m guessing you turned him down.”

You nodded.

“Which is why he then…,” he tactfully decided not to finish the thought and instead winced. “Yikes.”

You sipped your drink.

“That sucks,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

You closed your eyes and exhaled through your nose, trying to expel the anger that had once again risen up.

“Anything I can do to help?” he asked.

You raised your glass and jiggled it a bit. “This is helping.”

He scooted closer to you, hugging your calves and resting his chin on your bent knee.

You pressed your toes into his outer thigh and wiggled them affectionately.

He pressed his lips to your knee. “I’m sorry,” he said again.

You held eye contact with him, and from the look on his face, you knew he could see the grief on yours. You shared a quiet moment of understanding, aware that he, too, probably often wondered whether or not he’d made the right choice in coming here.

He squeezed the back of your calf, letting you know in his own way that he was here for you. You had half a mind to say ‘fuck the rules’ and plant your lips onto his, but you knew it would be putting a band-aid over a broken arm at best.

Besides, you couldn’t turn Jungkook down and then immediately hook up with Yoongi the next day. Even if Yoongi would be healthier for you, it would make you just as bad as Jungkook, if not worse. And you were tired of self-destruction.

Yoongi stared at your thigh, the grip he had on the back of your calf tightened infinitesimally and you got the sense he was thinking the same thing.

His eyes flicked up to meet yours, and you felt your resolve waver. You had a feeling that even if you did make this mistake, you’d somehow find it in you to forgive yourself.

You shifted the slightest bit closer to him when there was another knock on the door.

Your heart jumped to your throat and you and Yoongi both moved away from one another.

It was just as well. Best not to poke the bear.

“Coming,” you called, tearing your eyes away from Yoongi. You got off the bed to answer, this time forgetting to check the peep hole and just answering. It was Jia.

“Hey,” she said, marching past you and into your room, two bottles of wine and two wine glasses clutched in her hands. She took one look at Yoongi, who was straightening the legs of his dark jeans nervously, and glanced back to you. “I see someone already beat me here.”

“He wanted to see if I was okay.”

She nodded, “Sure.”

You could tell she didn’t quite believe you but chose to hold her tongue. She was right not to. If she hadn’t shown up, you couldn’t honestly say with complete certainty that nothing would have happened.

“So, I was thinking maybe you could use some company to get your mind off things. Anyone up for a drinking game?” she asked.

You looked back at Yoongi and he shrugged. “Why not?”

“Okay,” she said, pouring herself a glass of wine. “It’s like ‘put a finger down’ except it’s ‘take a drink if’. We’ll go around the room. I’ll start.”

She took a drink. You narrowed your eyes. “I thought you weren’t supposed to drink unti—,”

“—Take a drink if you’ve ever fucked on a boat.”

After a few moments without any movement, Jia took a drink.

“When was that?” you asked.

“I had this rich friend in college who liked to have yacht parties,” she said with a shrug and offered no further explanation. “Your turn.” She gestured at Yoongi.

“Okay, uhhhh…,” he said, looking off to a corner of the room. “Let’s see. Put a finger, I mean take a drink if you’ve ever done coke.”

You and Jia both sipped. Yoongi looked at you incredulously. “Once,” you said.

“How was it?” he asked.

You shrugged. “Meh.”

“She’s lying, it’s awesome,” said Jia.

Jia could think that if she wanted. It probably was awesome for her. For you, it just made you paranoid that you were about to have a heart attack and unable to shut your brain off. You were perfectly fine never touching the stuff again.

“Okay, take a drink if…,” you trailed off, trying to think of something. “If you’ve ever flashed anyone in public.”

Both Jia and Yoongi took a sip. You expected this from Jia, but you were surprised by Yoongi’s confession.

“Back when I was in high school. My friends and I were driving around downtown Daegu and I pressed my bare ass against the car window at a traffic stop.”

You snickered.

“Mine was for free drinks at a bar one night during last year’s tour.”

“That sounds like you,” you said. She grinned, holding up her drink in cheers before taking another sip.

“Worked like a charm.”

Yoongi snickered.

“Your turn,” Jia said to you.

You thought for a moment.

“Take a drink if…,” you trailed off, “…if you’ve ever been arrested.”

Jia sipped from her drink. “Shoplifting once when I was eighteen,” she said, with no further explanation.

You continued to go around in a circle, taking drinks here and there for things like getting black-out drunk, hooking up with a stranger, skinny dipping (that one, Yoongi had given on purpose, knowing full well what you and Jia had done in LA).

“Okay, my turn,” you said. “Take a drink if you’ve ever had a threesome, and no that one doesn’t count,” you said, as Jia opened her mouth to speak. She quieted and took a drink.

You weren’t surprised, considering how she and Taehyung had been so casual about it with you. You’d pretty much forgiven her by that point and it was water under the bridge for the most part. At least with her. You and Taehyung still weren’t speaking very much.

You were, however, surprised when Yoongi did the same.

“No way,” you said. He simply nodded.

“What was the dynamic?” Jia asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Was it two girls, or two guys…or three guys?” she asked.

Yoongi scoffed. “It was with two guys.”

“Ooooh,” she said. “Interesting. How was it?”

“It was good,” he said, and left it at that.

“What about you?” you asked, turning to Jia.

“I’ve had several threesomes. Usually with another woman, though I’ve been to the Eiffel Tower on a few occasions, if you know what I mean.”

Yoongi smirked.

“My ex-girlfriend and I used to invite men into the bedroom pretty often, actually.”

“I didn’t know you dated women,” you commented.

“Oh yeah. I actually prefer women, but every once in a while, I’ll have the misfortune of falling for a man.”

Yoongi snorted. “Sorry to hear that.”

“Did your ex also like men?” you asked.

“Yeah. I’m bisexual. She was pan. She liked men a little more than I did. We really enjoyed exploring different aspects of our sexuality together. We didn’t like the idea that we had to close off those sides of ourselves just because we were in a relationship.”

“Did you ever get jealous?” you asked.

“Of course,” she said. “You can’t avoid feeling jealous sometimes. It’s natural. You just have to work on managing those feelings. I wasn’t very good at first. I still sometimes struggle with it, but I’ve gotten a lot better.”

“I get that,” Yoongi chimed in. “I’ve struggled with it in the past.”

“How did you handle it?” she asked.

“I had to work on building trust. Not just with the other person, but with myself.”

“Oh?” you asked.

“Yeah,” he said. “It was way back before I had even joined the group. I was in a long-distance relationship with a girl. Those kinds of things often lead to jealousy, especially because she had a lot of guy friends.

“With something like that, you learn pretty quickly that you can’t control the other person. Trying to just pushes them away.”

You thought back to how you had immediately run to Jimin as soon as Jungkook had exhibited the first sign of jealousy.

“You have to come to terms with your fear of getting hurt. Trust that if they really love you, they’ll do their best not to hurt you, and if they don’t, you have to trust yourself to be able to handle that pain.”

“How did it turn out?” you asked.

“She cheated on me.”

“Are you serious?” Jia asked.

Yoongi shrugged. “I survived,” he said. “I won’t say I didn’t develop some major trust issues for a while after that, but I’ve let it go for the most part. Long distance is really hard. Neither one of us was getting our needs met. Some people can make it work, but we just couldn’t.”

“I’m so sorry,” you said.

“I was mad at her for not communicating how unhappy she was to me at the time, but to be honest, I could tell she wasn’t happy, and I didn’t really do anything about it. I wasn’t happy either. In my own ways, I was selfish. I definitely wasn’t the perfect boyfriend, so it was unfair of me to expect that of her. Sometimes things just don’t work out.”

“Do you ever regret trusting her?” Jia asked.

Yoongi paused to consider the question.

“No,” he said. “Because what’s the alternative? Not trust her and demand to know her whereabouts all the time? Constantly accuse her of stuff? That would have only pushed her away faster and would have made me an even bigger asshole than I already was. I mean yeah, I got hurt. But I’d rather be the one getting hurt than the one needlessly hurting someone else because of my own trust issues.”

You frowned. You could have used that wisdom earlier on. You and Jungkook had both hurt each other because of your own trust issues—more than once. How might things have played out if you both approached it from Yoongi’s perspective? Would you be together?

Unlikely, given your jobs, but it still would have turned out better than what you were dealing with now.

“Okay my turn,” Jia said. “Take a drink if you’ve ever had sex in exchange for something.”

Your stomach dropped. You waited for either Yoongi or Jia move, and when neither of them did, you hesitated.

Did you really want to spill your darkest moments?

It was only fair. Both Yoongi and Jia had volunteered very personal information. After what Yoongi had said about trust, it seemed like the right move.

It was time to tell someone what had happened.

You sucked in a breath and bit the bullet.

You took a drink.

“No way,” Jia gasped.

“Can I ask what happened?” said Yoongi.

You nodded, but paused for a few more moments to consider just how much information you really wanted to divulge.

“I slept with my college professor to get an internship with Son.”

Jia’s mouth fell open. “No way,” she said.

You nodded.

There. It was out in the open. You refrained from going into much detail about it, still not sure if you even wanted to revisit those memories in front of the two of them, but you were glad you had finally said it.

“No offense, but I never would have suspected you to be the type,” Jia said. Yoongi stayed silent.

“Well, I guess I am.”

“Shit. Do you regret it?” she asked.

You shrugged. You didn’t see the point in thinking about whether or not you regretted it. It was in the past. There was nothing you could do to take it back.

The game went on for a few more rounds before Jia yawned. It was nearing two in the morning by that point.

“I’m going to head out,” she said. “I have an early schedule tomorrow. The stylists are all meeting to discuss some changes they want to make to the looks.”

“Thanks for coming over,” you said. “I really needed this.”

She raised her arms above her head in a cat stretch and then gave you a hug. “Don’t worry about it. It’s the least I could do.” Then she turned to Yoongi. “You coming?”

He looked at his glass, which still held a few sips of whiskey.

“You go ahead. I’m going to hang back for a bit,” he said. “Still working on my drink.”

She fixed the two of you with a skeptical glare.

“We’ll behave, I promise,” you assured her.

“Okay. See that you do. I don’t want any more drama in my life right now. No more drunken hookups. No more jealousy. Nothing.”

“Promise,” Yoongi said.

She surveyed you once again before nodding and making her exit.

Yoongi scooted closer to you on the bed. You rested your head on his shoulder, glad for some non-sexual physical intimacy.

“So,” you said. “A threesome? With two men?”

“Indeed,” he said with a small chuckle. “With Jimin, actually.”

“What?” you asked, lifting your head off his shoulder and turning to face him.

He tucked his lips between his teeth and nodded. “He would kill me if he knew I told you though, so don’t say anything.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” you asked. You were in shock. Jimin and Yoongi in a threesome? You never in a million years would have suspected.

“It never came up. Besides, I’m not one to brag about my sexual exploits unprovoked,” he said.

“How was it?” you asked.

He chuckled to himself for a few moments, amused with how enthralled you seemed.

“It was a long time ago, before we had really made it big in the US. The group was on a month-long break after we’d gotten back from our first tour. Jimin and I had gone out to a nightclub in Busan with a few of our friends.

“There was this this one woman, who I think Jimin had known for a while. They’d fucked a few times before. He knew I was in a bit of a dry spell. I was dealing with some major writer’s block when it came to my music and had been feeling down and out for weeks by that point, so he convinced me to come out.

“She started flirting with me about halfway through the evening. I wasn’t sure what to make of it, but in the cab on the way to the next bar, she started making out with me.”

He looked right at you as he spoke.

“Mind you, it had been so long since I’d had any sort of action, so my self-control had gone out the window as soon as she started kissing me.”

“Wow,” you said. “Was this in front of Jimin? Was he upset?”

“I think he was the one who put her up to it, to tell you the truth. Not that she wasn’t already interested. The three of us went back to his hotel room for an after party, but things started heating up once the others had left. We ended up with her sucking me off while Jimin fucked her.”

“Shit,” you said, sounding rather impressed.

Yoongi nodded.

“I thought it would be awkward, but honestly, it kind of brought us closer together. We crossed into new territory that night, and it forced us to have clear and open communication with one another. That’s the only way you can stay good friends after something like that happens. You grow as a person.”

You understood, then, why Yoongi had been so concerned for Jimin’s feelings that night in LA when he had turned you down, and why he was so insistent upon boundaries. You’d learned that lesson for yourself over the last few weeks. At the time, it had made you upset, but you’d developed a newfound respect for the rapper.

“And what about you?” he said.

“What about me?”

“Fucking your professor for an internship?”

You tensed.

“I’m guessing there’s more to that story.”

You nodded, taking a beat to figure out where to start.

“It was back before I had graduated from dance academy,” you began. “I went to this prestigious school on a scholarship—not a full ride, but enough that I could afford it with some loans. I thought I was real hot shit at the time. I’d been a prodigy growing up, and that carried over into my attitude. But when I arrived there, I was…let’s say I was humbled.

“Everyone there was just as good as I was, if not better, and I was under a lot of pressure to prove myself. Especially to my mom. She really disapproved of my career choice. She wanted me to go into something more respectable, like finance. Ever since my dad left her for my old dance teacher, she was really jaded about the whole thing. Called it a whore’s profession.”

“Oh my God,” said Yoongi. You nodded.

“So I was in my final year, and I was really overwhelmed with all the work. I had gotten sick that year and had missed a lot of classes, so I was falling behind and my prospects weren’t looking very promising for when I finished school.

“There was this internship opening up, though. It was with a dance studio in Seoul. I knew it was going to be my only real chance at landing a decent career after graduation, otherwise I’d have to go back to living with my mom while I paid off the rest of my student loans.”

Yoongi intertwined his hand with yours and stroked his thumb over your knuckles. You took a deep, steadying breath. Emotions you’d long repressed started to well up. You shoved them down again, determined to finish your story.

“The internship was through this one professor—Dr. Leung. He was the one who decided who would go. Kind of acted like the studio’s liaison. He was a real asshole. Was constantly tearing people down.

“He was never really terrible to me, though I thought I was lucky to escape his brutality. He wasn’t the most encouraging professor, but I was always quick to defend him when people complained because I saw him as tough but fair. He had really high standards, and rightfully so. He was quite the accomplished choreographer in his day.

“So I signed up for the audition. I practiced for months, even working with an adjunct professor to make sure the routine was really, truly flawless. I danced until my toes bled. And when I auditioned, I executed it perfectly. Not a single mistake.”

“And?” Yoongi asked.

“He tore into me. Ripped me apart. Everything from my song choice, to my form, to my choreography. He even hated the outfit I’d chosen.”

“Seriously,” Yoongi said.

You swallowed back the lump that had grown in your throat and nodded.

“I was devastated. I met with him after class the next day. Asked him what I could have done better. He said that he really liked me as a student, but doubted whether I could make it in the industry if I relied on my talent alone.”

“You’re kidding,” he said. “But you’re an incredible dancer.”

“Thank you,” you said. “I really appreciate that.” You got the sense he was just trying to be nice and supportive in whatever way he could, but you still appreciated the sentiment.

“What happened next?”

“Well, he said that he knew how hard I’d been working, and that he’d be sad to see someone as…,” you had to pause when your stomach churned, “…attractive as me fail.”

“No,” Yoongi whispered.

“He said that there was still a…a chance that I could get the internship if I…,” you paused again as your voice began to wobble. You swallowed hard and pushed it down again.

“Apparently it’s a common thing in the industry. A lot of people use their other…assets to get ahead if they can’t rely on their talent alone. So long as they’re bold enough.”

He stroked your hand again with his thumb.

“It was just the one time,” you said. “The whole thing was over in less than twenty minutes. And I don’t regret it. Lots of people have to sell their bodies far more than I ever did.”

“Did you ever tell anyone?” he asked. “Before now, that is.”

“No,” you said. “But word got out anyway about what I’d done. The entire senior class was pissed at me. Everybody wanted that internship. When my roommate heard, she stopped talking to me until the end of term. Didn’t even say goodbye at graduation. It was probably the loneliest I’d ever felt.”

“I’m so sorry,” said Yoongi. You shrugged.

“It’s in the past. Besides, I went on to get the internship and I met Son, and he helped me get to where I am today. I never looked back.”

“What about now?” he asked. “Do you still think it’s been worth it?”

You squeezed his hands. “I’m not sure anymore. It used to be. It will be again once I get past this tour and can go back to being the regular assistant choreographer.”

“For what it’s worth, I’m really glad you’re here,” he said.

At that, you softened. “Thanks, Yoongi. I’m really glad you’re here too.”

You left it off there. You didn’t want to go into too much detail beyond that. You didn’t even remember much of the actual incident. All you could recall was staring at the maroon walls of his office and waiting for it to be over. You’d had the foresight to get drunk beforehand so that it would be easier to go through with.

Yoongi didn’t stay much longer after that. When he left, he gave you a kiss on the forehead and told you to hang in there. You assured him you would. You’d been in shitty situations before and had made it work. You’d do it again.

That night, you tossed and turned.

You hadn’t thought about what happened with Dr. Leung in a very long time. At least not in that much detail. The fallout from your peers afterwards had almost caused you to drop out of school, but somehow, you had survived.

You felt better after having finally gotten that secret off your chest, but something was still bothering you.

Had it been worth it? Or was it all for nothing?

When you’d first made the decision to go through with the act, you figured you would be happier. You’d proven your mother wrong. You’d secured one of the most prestigious internships offered by your dance academy.

And now, you were working not just for the top K-pop group, but the world’s biggest boy band. Surely that had to count for something, right?

So why did you still feel so hollow? _________________________ A/N: I am aware that this story has reached a pretty dark place. I’m very protective over the mental health of my readers. All of this empathy work is mentally and emotionally taxing, so make sure you’re taking care of yourself while you read this. I’m not going to leave this fic open-ended. I will finish it and I will make sure I handle the ending responsibly so that it was worth the dark places that we’ve visited while reading this story. Right now, the reader is depressed. She’s caught between a rock and a hard place, but she will find her way out of it. She just needs a little more time. Please make sure you aren’t absorbing her emotions and carrying them with you into your day-to-day life. Hold space for her, and then let it go. Don’t become her feelings. It’s easy to do that when you’re left on a low note without any resolution, but the resolution is coming. Hang in there. I’m saying this as much to myself as I am to all of you lol.

#jungkook x reader #bts fic #bts #jeon jungkook #min yoongi #the choreographer #bts fanfic #smut #fluff

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onetimetwotimesthreetimess · 1 year

Note

the party doesn't start until i walk in LCBAB reaction let gooooooo

He put on a nice sweater, one without holes in it, and fluffed his hair a bit. He wanted to look nice but also not make it apparent that he had made some effort.

oh alec you virgo (is there gonna be any reaction to your fic where i stop mentioning alec virgo ass? maybe not)

It should be normal to think constantly about your friends 24x7 without it having any romantic intent.

the word alec is looking for is obsession. it always romantic feeling with friend and never a job

Alec wanted to meet the person who introduced the word beautiful. He wanted to ask that person what or who made them use this word and then tell them that beautiful was nothing compared to what Magnus looked like.

dont raise the dead just so you can be a simp its against the death code, dead ppl HR gonna have your head

Magnus jolted awake at that and started screaming. He took out the knife from under his pillow and launched it at Alec.

“Don’t come near me or I will kill you.” Magnus shouted.

when magnus keep a knife under his pillow its revealing detail on him and his background. when i keep a knife under my pillow im a danger to society????

“2nd May.”

no way in hell magnus is a Taurus at least pick a Scorpio date

And Alec was just—Alec.

and water makes things wet. we all know this

“I’m sorry.” Magnus said earnestly and it was all it took for Alec to forgive it.

alec needs to STAND UP i know he can. no virgo should forgive forget that easy stand UP

“Are you really using your childhood trauma to get out of being punched for saying stupid shit?“

Jace pretended to wipe fake tears from his face. “Is it working?”

the fact that you are making me relate to jace...evil?!?!?!?

Because how the hell was he supposed to survive without talking to Magnus for an entire week.

stream midnights by taylor swift it such a good album i know right

“Why does it matter to you? What the fuck does it matter when it is?” Magnus asked angrily.

me when im writing every essay. alec should have replied with "nothing" purely for the aesthetic

i was gonna make a joke about birthday as birthslay but my brain not functioning

Magnus held his face gently and Alec leaned into the touch. “I love you, Alexander. I’ve been in love with you since the day you had that law test and you forced me to quiz you for 48 hours and I hated absolutely every minute of it but I still did it. I love you more and more every day and I don’t know how to stop. And even if I knew, I wouldn’t want to stop.” Magnus breathed.

again stand UP

Alec was 32, and if he was being honest, he didn’t know why people had to work too.

actually nobody knows this it is another Bermuda triangle

“He is in a meeting with Abigail, right now. But he should be free any time now. I’ll just check in.”

um the amnesia au tease? are we okay?

Alec was fine with other people having a thing for Magnus. As long as they don’t act on that desire.

oooh amnesia au gonna wreck alec, serve him right for being a simp we cant be all too lovey-dovey around here

“I tried for ten years and these three convinced you in one night?” Alec said petulantly, bringing a chuckle out of Magnus.

maybe if u stop thinking with emotion and start thinking in strategic mode

this fic is just angst + trauma + alec being mega whipped to the point he can start a whipping cream brand + ari being the cutest + tease for hiadt when alec got dumped and his ex-husband moved on with his ex gf. again LAYERS

“Don’t raise the dead just because you want to be a simp” sent me. Your reactions like always are superior anh>>> I cracked so hard at the entire thing

Simp Alec would never stand up for himself and if you think it’s bad in LRHWY, wait till you read about HIADT Alec getting walked all over himself lmao. Also yes!!! Loved throwing that lil bit of amnesia au tease lmao.

I have honeslty no idea how this fic ended up being as angsty as everyone is saying it was lol. That’s what I’m saying—I can never tell which chapters or fics are going to be angsty and which ones are not. I’m in this with you homies jsjssjsk

P.S. Ari really do be the cutest I am love only one girl

#LCBAB

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timextoxhajima · 3 years

Text

Nevertheless: Wishful Thinking [3]

[completed] [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]

synopsis: why would the college flirt want anything to do with the innocent heartbreaker? a [somewhat] nevertheless au featuring tbz's eric son young jae

genre [per chapter]: suggestive material, smut *this series is a smut series so* please don't read if you're uncomfy. if you're underaged and you still wanna read, i'm not stopping you. i don't care because that's your responsibility to know what's fiction and what's not.

word count: i genuinely don't fucking know i think it's at least 4k WHY THE FUCK IS IT GETTING LONG ERJSJSJSJDNAKD

taglist: @from-xero @taeyongandfree @ten-gift @louvyves @sweetutopia @yyyereum @jung-breadshop @sunwoowuvbot @mashedpotittiess

protip: links of BGM are linked~

{this is a work of fiction}

eric swipes his thumb across his bottom lip and drags his index finger over the tip of his nose, tongue still sucking on his teeth as if it hadn't already been a day.

he was sitting on the other side of the tutorial room and you just so happened sat in a spot where he was the first person in your view when you looked up.

stupid hexagonal tables.

the moisture in your mouth suddenly evaporates, leaving your tongue dry like sandpaper against the roof of your mouth.

the lustful blanket over his eyes threaten to rip your mentality apart, and even without him touching you, the heat in your abdomen starts to clench and throb.

the thought crosses your mind, just so you can convince yourself: if eric can associate himself with sex within your primal instincts then the brain that got you here can associate him with a big, fucking, red flag.

you suck in a deep breath and hold it for awhile, eyes plastered to the ipad under your palms. crossing your legs tightly, your jeans hug your hips and waist all too perfectly.

yujeong had smacked one of her baseball friends earlier that day for staring at your legs.

after the likes of wooseok's party and the incident yesterday, you made it an effort not to show up in dresses or skirts anymore. call it ptsd, call it trauma, call it not wanting to get into trouble.

whatever it was, you didn't want eric anywhere near you.

well, despite how good he mad-

"can you stop eye-fucking him from across the room?" yujeong harshly whispers at you, glaring at you from the corner of her eyes.

"what?" throwing your tied-up hair to your other shoulder, you tilt your face to her.

"what do you mean 'what'?" yujeong hisses, nodding to the boy across the room. "y'all are fucking in your heads!"

"yes, broadcast it to the entire class, would you, please?" the sarcasm drips off your tongue with a frown.

"I'm just saying if you want him so bad then just go get a room. fucks' sake, go find a practice room or something."

"i think I'll go with 'or something'."

and in that second, your iPad lights up with a notification from the school email account.

yujeong parts her lips with a retort, but you quickly shush her by pressing a finger to your lips when the professor seemed to glance over at the two of you.

she inhales a deep breath, spotting the notification pop up on her laptop screen too.

to: all students

from: the college union

title: dance union winter getaway

dear students,

every year, more than 200 students apply for the dance union but only 20 are accepted. thus, it is of high regard that the members of the dance union utilise the annual winter getaway to bond.

this year's event will be held at lake white. all students in the dance union with leadership positions are expected to be present and those with valid reasons of absence are required to fill up the form attached to this email.

if you're interested in joining the dance union, please apply in the first week of the new academic year. applications open first week of the semester.

regards,

the student union

staring wide-eyed at the email with your apple pencil trembling in your fingers, you gulp.

fuck.

yujeong's lowly snicker sounds from next to you, and you look to her, only to watch a bright smile stretch across her face.

"what?" she snorts, tears in her eyes. "don't look at me. look at your captain."

your neck snaps to the boy across the room, who's got his phone lifted with the screen displaying the email page. he waves it around a little, raising a brow with a menacing shimmer flashing across his eyes.

your blood begins to boil without reason.

why were you suddenly stuck to him? it's like the planets and stars aligned just so he glue himself to you; so he could ruin your title and rip you apart, inch by inch.

your fists clench around the apple pencil, and you're only snapped out of your inner rage when the professor calls on you.

yujeong leans into the lockers with her books against her chest, mindlessly scrolling through her phone as you go on incessantly about the student union's decision to make it mandatory.

you swing the locker door so hard that it bounces off its limit and nearly comes back down onto your hands, but you stop it before it does.

"how does the fucking winter getaway improve our bonds?" you hurl a textbook into the locker. "it's not like we're gonna sit in a circle and sing hallelujah, right?"

"you went for that getaway last year-"

"yeah, and we did nothing besides getting shitfaced! fuck this stupid winter getaway."

"sis, say that any louder and your 'innocent heartbreaker' image is gonna change into something more like 'brutal heartbreaker'."

"don't fucking call me that," you hurl another book into your locker. "and why does everybody talk like that nowadays? 'say that any louder'? where was that from? a movie? a tiktok?"

"why are you so on edge?" yujeong pushes herself off the metal doors and frowns. "you've been on edge ever since wooseok's party."

"i am always on edge."

"what?" yujeong pulls her lips up into a slight wince as her eyes half into squints. "bullshit. what happened to your little 'innocent heartbr-"

"don't," you lift a finger, shutting your eyes and stopping her. "say another word."

yujeong raises both her brows, smirk plastered to her face as she readjusts her bag. "don't worry."

you look up at her, placing the last item in your locker.

"i don't have to."

"what?"

"so," then that godforsaken voice rings from behind you, and all your physical senses start to shut down one by one.

yujeong sees right past it, smirk turning into something less devious as she puffs her cheeks.

"about the winter getaway."

"i'll leave the two of you at it."

"what? no-"

"bye!"

"yujeong-"

she turns and strides off, short hair lathered around her neck. she waves with a bright grin, leaving you to back face the vicious heartbreaker.

you remain rooted to the ground, locker door wide open and bag slung around your right shoulder. eric waits until yujeong disappears down the hall, leaving a few other students within the vicinity to turn and stare at the two infamous dance captains.

eric walks to your side, reaching out and resting his palm on the outer edge of your locker.

"we're in open space," he smiles, gradually pushing the locker door inwards and closing it for you. then he rests his palm against the metal door, sandwiching you again. "there's not much i can do to you."

a few students turn to stare.

"unless you want me to."

"stop it."

"stop what?" he smirks and buckles his arms, forcing you to lay your back flat against the metal surface. "I'm not doing anything."

"then what are you doing now?" you frown and look up at him, knuckles whitening around your bag straps.

"having a conversation."

someone fishes a phone out, and the flashlight flickers.

eric whirls around, keeping his arm anchored to the locker.

"stand down, kid."

"sorry," he fumbles with the phone, and now you'll never know if he actually took a picture.

"anyway-"

"look, i don't know what kind of game you're playing but this isn't healthy for us if we are supposed to work together. especially with the winter getaway coming up."

eric licks his lips and lowers his head, smiling at the sudden cast of professionalism.

"it flatters me that you don't care too much about having fucked outside of wooseok's garage-"

"eric-"

"nor getting fucked out in the practice room-"

"eric-"

"or even the fact that you tied up your hair today-"

"i tie up my hair whenever i fucking want to."

"ooh," eric winces at the snap, his pearly whites glimmering under the lighting. "the 'innocent heartbreaker' is angry!"

"will you shut the fuck up?"

"aw," he coos, leaning into you and breathing down your philtrum. "make me."

your fists finally clench, jaws locked and temples tightened.

"I'll rip off your dick if you touch me again. now, back off."

you press your palms flat into his chest and shove him away, breaking him into light chuckles as he stumbles back.

you pull your bag back onto your shoulder, turning sharply and stomping off.

"hey! we still need to meet up to discuss the plans for lake white!"

the scent of half-painted canvases with acrylic paint washes through your nose when you enter your room.

it's definitely bigger than what a normal room should look like, but it's not your fault that both your parents work under Lee Enterprises, the country's telemarketing company.

the studio corner of your room is in a mess, and you're just halfway done painting the edges of your mirror.

which for specific reasons, you can't really look at it anymore.

the peculiar object you chose to decorate the glass surface hang idly on the corner of the frame, reflecting the afternoon sun spilling into the room.

eric son: so when do we discuss the plans for lake white?

eric son: i don't like to procrastinate

"'discuss the plans for lake white'," mumbling under your breath, you dump your bag into the corner of your room, huffing and resting your hands on your hips. "he's the damn captain, isn't he? he can do it on his own."

notification: acrylic paint to be delivered today

your phone automatically links up with the bluetooth speaker in the room, and you mindlessly tap on the shuffle button before pulling off your shoes.

eric son: okay so I'm thinking groups of four

you pull off your jacket and let the ends of your ponytail brush across your back where the camisole doesn't cover, cool air rushing across the hairs on your skin.

eric son: we can play truth or dare

the bass rumbles through the flooring as you pull off your jeans, throwing on one of those open-holed shorts that no one was ever going to see you in - not even yujeong.

the doorbell rings, yanking you out of your mental rage session over eric son.

acrylic paint.

picking up a cardigan and tying it around your waist, you jog down the stairs and pull open the door without hesitation.

She's just that type of girl

"what. in the world. are you doing here?"

eric tilts his head to the side, his eyes running the length of your body - all the way down to your feet and back up.

"you weren't replying my texts so i thought-" then he raises both hands from his sides, taking a step back and gesturing to your front porch like he owned it. "what better way to have your presence than to go to you?"

"how do you know where i live?" a frown befalls your brows, and your grip tightens on the door handle.

"it's in the school records for student leaders," he offers you a smug shrug, taking a step back to where he was previously standing.

your lips part in an attempt to challenge his explanation, but then he waves it off with a cheeky snicker. "I'm joking. yujeong told me."

"now, why the fuck would she give you my address?"

"hey, captain to captain! plus she knows i won't hurt you."

a scoff runs off your tongue. "you want me to believe that you won't hurt me?"

eric's tongue darts across his lips as he leans on the door frame. "not in your house. oh, i wouldn't dare, princess."

with a huff, you blink away the eye contact first, taking a step back and tugging on the door. "don't fucking call me that."

but his hand flies out and thuds against the wood, keeping the door open. he slowly steps forward, letting himself in.

"then what should i call you?"

"names exist," you step back and grip onto the empty arms of your cardigan around your waist. he closes the door, pulling the chain to lock it.

"then do you prefer y/n or 'innocent heartbreaker'?"

you squint at him, cocking your face at an angle as you back up again.

the answer settles in your head, but you can't say it out loud.

because he's already debunked it.

She's just that type of girl

"fun playlist," eric nods up the stairs, arm stretching out to you and snaking around your waist.

"don't fucking touch me-"

then his other hand circles you as well, his arms around you as he holds you to him, lowering his face into yours. an arching back tries to keep his face off yours, but any more and your spine would've snapped into two.

his nose presses into your cheek as he slots his lips between yours, and the world goes into a muffled silence for a few seconds.

or maybe that was just your playlist moving on.

your nails dig the inside of your clenched palm, fists against his chest as he pulls you up to deepen the kiss, lips moving with yours in some intricate dance of dominance.

on beat with the distant bass coming from your room.

he lets out the first groan, his hands gradually sliding down your back and groping the flesh of your rear that's poking out from under your shorts.

the harsh grip squeezes a whimper out from you, your entire body cringing forward into him and closing the gap between you. with one palm still holding onto your ass, the other comes back up in between your shoulder blades, keeping your chest plastered to his.

eric turns you around, holding you against the wall that leads up to the stairs. your back is flat against the surface, hair stuck to the felt of the wall with your thigh being pulled up over his pelvis.

We should just calm down and fuck some time

then he pulls away and huffs, lips hung wide open and his eyes completely lost in yours. in a low growl, subtly shakes his head as if to disapprove your disobedience against the song lyrics.

"oh, we fucking should."

eric doesn't bother waiting for a response before dipping his nose into your jaw, lips latching onto the tender skin of your neck.

"you coming here-" a jolt of bliss rushes through you when he finds a tender spot, his arms tightening around your waist to keep you close and against the wall. "-was not an invitation-"

the cologne on his clothes starts to intoxicate you like alcohol does to any normal person, the scent of his hair and his clothes wafting and shuffling all around you.

"but you don't hate me being here, do you, princess?" he mumbles into your skin, nipping at the spot behind your lobe. your eyes flutter shut, fists clenching against his shoulder blades.

"come on," he whispers. "we've done it outside and in a practice room, surely you must feel more comfortable in your own bed?"

your eyes widen upon the suggestion, the thought of that cursed object hanging over the corner of your mirror in the room suddenly pulling your soul back into your body.

"no, we can't."

eric pulls away from you, lips reddened from the nipping. they are apart, and his breathing slows as he studies your face.

the panic in your eyes is far too grave for him to miss.

"why not?"

gulp.

"you don't happen to-"

"it's not a vibrator."

eric raises his brows, caging you between his arms as he corners you further, chest on yours and his lips right above your lashes.

"perhaps a-"

"it's not a dildo either."

he pouts in slight disappointment when he can hear the stark honesty in your voice.

his chest rises and lowers under his shirt, listening to your breathing that hitches in your throat every now and then; observing your discipline to keep your eyes away from him.

"you're not gonna tell me what it is?"

glaring at him through the corner of your eye, you shake your head with a resounding 'no'.

he pauses.

then he leans into your ear.

"you being scared is just making me a little more curious, princess."

"curiosity kills the cat."

eric pulls away and slides his arms off the wall. "cats have 9 lives."

the number of sirens that go off in your head spikes, and before you can process his words, he grabs your arm and pulls you onto his shoulder.

"oh my god!" his arm wraps around your lower back, knees against his chest and the world from your eyes upside down as he hoists you up the stairs. "put me down, jesus christ!"

"the more you yell, the more you're gonna regret it, princess," he warns while chuckling to himself. "what could it be, if it's not a dildo or a vibrator?"

then the warmth of his palm reaches up to your shorts, and his fingers dig under the cloth of your underwear.

"fuck, eric-"

all too easily, he pushes a finger into you, your entire body cringing from the sudden intrusion. your eyes blur out just as he makes it to the second floor, and he doesn't need to ask which door he should be heading to.

not when your door has a framed portrait of yourself from last year's concert.

the door creaks open when he pushes the two of you into your room, greeting the sunlight drawn across the floor and his finger still buried inside you.

you heave a sigh when he pulls his finger out and shoves it into his mouth, leaning over your bed to rest you into the cushion.

automatically, his eyes are on high alert, scanning your room. but by the time you've regained your senses and the blood's returned to the rest of your body from your head, he finds it.

resting on the back of your forearms, your breath turns shakey and your eyes twitching from the sight of it dangling off his fingers.

eric turns to look at the mirror, turning the item in his fingers to match the painting of it on the edges.

"so," he returns to you, raising a cocky brow and smirking. "you get high off painting handcuffs on your mirror?"

you tightly shut your eyes as the frown cements into your forehead.

"fuck."

eric scoffs, tongue dragging across his upper lip as he walks towards you and lifts a knee to your bed, the other following.

"this really makes me question how you even got your reputation," eric jingles it from his fingers, his free hand reaching down to draw circles on your right ankle.

"it's just acrylic paint. i paint something new every month-"

"and so your choice for november was... handcuffs?" he wraps his hot fingers around your ankle and yanks you downwards, your crotch nearly meeting his knees.

"it's not my fault you decided to play this game the month i decided to get something remotely inappropriate."

"'remotely inappropriate'," eric repeats, smiling as he lowers himself. the handcuff still within his right hand, his left draws trails up your right leg, playing with the rim of your shorts where they were already riled up enough to expose a bit of your underwear. "so, tell me princess. why did you choose this-"

he holds it up and jingles it over your nose. "to paint?"

"surely it's not because it's pretty."

"or maybe you think it'll look pretty around your wrists?"

eric reaches for your hands and you struggle upon instinct, he pins your dominant hand down first and clips the first cuff around your wrist.

"eric-"

he finds your free hand and connects both your wrists, clipping the other cuff despite your struggling.

eric sucks a deep breath, then parts his lips to exhale. pushing himself off you, he pulls your shorts off first, eyes trailing across every inch of your body with your wrists cuffed together.

the thoughts wash through you involuntarily.

the wooden planks. the dress. the torn underwear.

the mirror. the fogging. the skirt.

the tears collect in the corners of your eyes even before he can completely get it off your ankles.

then he pulls your legs apart for him to lock them in place with his own thighs, crouching over your body like a lion devouring his prey.

he pushes your arms up and above your head, making it difficult for you to bring them back down with your wrists bound together.

his breath is hot on your chest where he first dips his nose into, tongue swiping across the skin of your heaving ribs. hands coming up your waist and pushing them up your torso, it exposes your ribcage and bra.

inch by inch, he breaths down the length of your torso, from your chest and over to your stomach with your camisole rolled up messily over your bra.

upon reaching the rim of your underwear (and heaving stomach as you pant and huff in a bid to calm your nerves), he stops and looks up at you.

"thank god you rejected wooseok."

then both his hands come down to your chest to rip apart your camisole, pulling it out from under you before he unbuckles your bra.

you swallow the first whimper already on the tip of your tongue, but your stomach plunges and your back arches violently when he takes the tip of your breast between his lips.

left hand coming round to grip your other, his right travels down to play with your sensitivity, forcing your body into subtle jolts with the overwhelming sensation.

he tugs on your tip, grazing it between his teeth before releasing it and latching his lips onto the tender flesh in a bid to make his mark.

your brows finally furrow into a frown of bliss, jaw hung agape though struggling to contain the lewd noises prancing about in the back of your throat.

he rolls the other tip between his index finger and thumb, sucking and kissing the reddening flesh of your chest.

and down below, he's pushed your underwear aside, thumb abusing your sensitivity and buckling your hips upwards.

he provides you one sharp bite on your tip, earning a strained hiss from between your teeth. it feeds his pride, for he removes himself off you completely and stares down at you, admiring the painting he's made on your chest.

hickeys.

grip marks.

and the wet patch on your underwear between your legs.

he turns and shifts off the bed, leaving you to catch your breath and cross your legs over one another.

the clacking about in your studio corner drives the tears into your eyes, listening to the lid of the box where you keep your paint come off.

you shut your eyes, resigning to fate.

for your body is in burning need and the discipline to go against his word has betrayed you.

you hear his belt come undone, the weight of his clothes hitting the carpeted ground before the mattress around your legs sink again.

"oh... princess~" he sings, coaxing you out of your mental begging that this was just a nightmare.

a corner drags across your stomach, and your eyes fly open to see his fingers wrapped around a bottle of acrylic paint, completely oblivious to him pulling your underwear off your legs.

black.

the only color that was still relatively abundant.

then the sight of his nudity drives you up a wall inside your head; better yet, driving your resignation up against your own skull.

the lines of his pelvic bone leading down to his manhood all for your eyes to feast on, and even if you wanted to look away, you couldn't.

fuck.

"listen to me very carefully, princess..." he shakes the bottle, then proceeds to unscrew the cap. "I'm sure you don't want any of these on your bed, right?"

chills run through your body when he tilts the bottle over, squeezing the paint onto his palms.

"so," he blinks back to you, eyes wide and cautious. "my advice?"

and with that, he carefully caps the bottle, effortlessly tossing it over his shoulder and back into the box.

he presses his palms together, spreading the paint across his skin.

"don't move too much."

with a wide grin, he smudges the paint into your thighs and up your stomach, sliding the paint all the way to your breasts where he offers a harsh grip.

he doesn't give you a chance to respond to that before he slides himself into you, your neediness allowing him entrance far too easily.

by now, your body was somewhat conditioned to recognise his size, but the idea of him buried deep inside you and his groaning coating the room makes you a little more feral; a little more insane.

the whimper that runs off your tongue is mercilessly lapped up by him when he leans over to kiss you, tongue shoved into your mouth in a bid to shut you up.

he rolls his hips back and forth, unwilling to stop and definitely unwilling to give you any kind of mercy when it comes to making you lose your grip on reality.

he pulls away and resumes an upright position, abs flexed and his palms still gripping onto your chest like his life depended on it.

but eric seems to be a little on edge himself, for this was his first time seeing all of you under him, instead of your humility covered by a dress or a skirt and worrying about being caught in school.

no.

now, he can feast his eyes on you like the predator he is.

not only does he decide to leave his own marks, but marks that you gave him access to.

his handprints are black on your skin and the entire bed is jerking along with every thrust he's offering you.

you finally let out a strained cry, tears collecting in your eyes with the bliss rushing through you over and over again like a broken record. eric's breath turns shaky, and his grip on you begins to loosen when his thighs start to convulse.

by some miracle, the last thrust hits your climax and he pulls out almost immediately after to coat the paint on your stomach with himself.

cream on black.

eric huffs arrogantly, taking deep breaths to retain his breathing as he releases you, stepping back to take in the sight of you in your own bed, ruined by him.

"you definitely look pretty in cuffs."

#nevertheless: wishful thinking #eric smut #the boyz smut #tbz smut #eric sohn smut #eric scenarios #eric imagines #the boyz scenarios #the boyz imagines #tbz scenarios #tbz imagines #eric x reader #eric sohn x reader #the boyz x reader #this was too filthy

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triptuckers · 3 years

Text

Nightmares - Kaz Brekker

Request: yes! “My favorite writer is accepting requests again? Love that for me (and everyone else who gets to read your writing) So I had this idea if that’s okay where like the reader and Kaz are dating but they’re still sleeping in separate rooms because Kaz isn’t quite there yet in overcoming his trauma to share a bed. And then one night he hears screams coming out off your room so he goes to you as fast as possible but turns out it was just because you had a nightmare and then how Kaz would deal with that in terms of comforting? Hopefully this is something that you’re okay with writing but no problems if not because I’ll still look forward to your other stories 💗” Pairing: kaz brekker x reader Summary: you wake up from a nightmare and kaz comforts you Warnings: angst, some language Word count: 1.4K A/N: sljflskjklfj someone’s favorite writer?? ME??? anon you have no idea how incredibly happy this made me !!! have a kiss on the forehead mwah

There was a small room attached to Kaz’ office, which he always used as storage. He called it a storage room, but it was more of a dump of papers, really. When things between you got serious, you started to spend more and more time in his office.

You’d often fall asleep on his couch, and wake up with back pain due to the uncomfortable positions you fell asleep in.

That’s when Kaz decided to clean out the storage room. Once all of the papers were taken out and sorted into neat piles, there was just enough room in it for a small bed.

When Kaz first showed it to you, he was a bit nervous. He thought you wouldn’t like it. But you beamed with happiness and told him you loved it. You’ve been sleeping in the small room ever since that day.

Often Kaz is still busy, running around the crow club doing god knows what, and you’re the first one to arrive back at his office. When you do, you always leave him a note on his desk, letting him know you’ve gone to bed already. Kaz then slowly opens the door to your room, whispers you goodnight, and heads to his own room. It was a nice routine you’d fallen into. A bit of calm in the chaos of Ketterdam.

Tonight isn’t any different.

You’re almost asleep, when you hear the door slowly opening.

In the dark, you can just make out Kaz’ shape in the doorway.

‘Goodnight.’ he whispers.

You smile. ‘Goodnight.’ you whisper back.

He closes the door again, and only seconds later, you fall asleep.

Kaz walks to his bathroom to take off his gloves and wash his face. It’s already dark outside, and normally he’d still sit at his desk to work. But he figured he could skip one night, and actually get some sleep.

Besides, if he didn’t, and you would find out the next morning, you’d make him take a nap anyway.

He changes into a pair of more comfortable clothes and lays down in his bed, pulling the covers up to his neck. Immediately, he feels his body getting heavier.

Maybe he should listen to you more often, and get enough sleep every night. It doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep.

Just as fast as he fell asleep, Kaz also wakes up.

He looks over at his bedside table, and notices it’s in the middle of the night. Kaz rolls over, ready to fall back asleep, when he hears a sound.

A piercing scream, sounding like someone is in pain.

But that’s not what makes him jump up, it’s the fact that it’s your voice that terrifies him.

In a second, he’s up, grabbing his cane in case he needs to hit someone, and he throws open the door of his room.

His office is empty, and you’re nowhere to be seen. But then he hears you screaming again. It’s coming from your small bedroom.

Instantly, he walks over to the door and roughly opens it. His cane is raised, in case there’s an attacker who made their way into the room.

But you’re the only one who’s there.

Your eyes are shut, a pained expression on your face. Somewhere during the night, you’d thrown your blanket off, and you’re clinging onto your pillow. You mumble incoherent words.

Kaz reaches out with his cane to nudge your leg, given that he’s not wearing his gloves. You stir slightly, but don’t wake up. He nudges you again, a little harder. This time, you do wake up.

You launch into a sitting position and Kaz instinctively takes a step back, creating some distance between you. For a few seconds, you look around with widened, frightened eyes, but once your eyes land on Kaz, you relax a bit.

‘Saints.’ you murmur as you press your hands against your face.

Kaz studies your face as you wipe cold sweat from your forehead.

‘Did I wake you?’ you softly ask him, avoiding his eyes.

His heart breaks at the sight of you, looking so vulnerable and shaken. The way your hair sticks to your neck and shoulders in a sticky, sweaty mess. There’s tears in the corners of your eyes.

‘Yes, but it’s alright.’ he says.

‘Sorry.’ you say. ‘It was just a nightmare. You can go back to sleep.’

But he doesn’t want to go back to sleep. Not now you’re so shaken, clearly in need of some comfort.

‘Are you okay?’ says Kaz.

‘I'm fine.’ you say.

‘Okay, so look me in the eyes when you say that.’ says Kaz. ‘So I know you’re not lying.’

You lift your gaze and look at him.

‘I'm fine.’ you say again, but Kaz shakes his head.

‘No, you’re not.’ he says. ‘Do you want to tell me about it?’

‘It’s a nightmare, Kaz. I'm not a child, I can handle it on my own.’ you say.

‘You screamed, Y/N.’ he says.

Your eyes widen at his words. ‘Fuck, really?’ you say. He nods. ‘That means they’re getting worse.’ you mumble, more to yourself than telling Kaz.

‘Come on.’ says Kaz, gesturing to his office behind his back. ‘Let’s get you out of this tiny room first.’

You hesitate, but follow him anyway.

‘Talk to me.’ says Kaz, as he sits down on the edge of his desk. He looks at you, waiting for you to talk.

‘They’re about you.’ you say softly.

Kaz’ features soften as he gestures for you to go on.

‘They’re about losing you. All of them.’ you mumble. ‘You’re hurt and I can never get to you in time. When I wake up, it usually helps when I get up and go see you in your room. It helps because I can see with my own eyes you’re alright, and it was just a dream.’

Kaz is silent as he looks at you. You wrap your arms around your body, feeling a bit uncomfortable. You’re an open book to Kaz, but admitting you have nightmares about losing him felt a bit too personal. Even for your taste.

‘I'm here now.’ says Kaz, looking at you. ‘I'm alright.’

You nod. ‘I know.’ you say. ‘I'll go back to sleep. And sorry again for waking you.’

You move walk back to your small room, but Kaz speaks up.

‘Y/N?’ he says, making you stop and turn around to face him. ‘Do you want to stay in my room for the rest of the night?’

‘No, that’s alright, you could barely fit in my small room.’ you say with a smile. ‘But I appreciate it.’

Kaz frowns slightly. ‘No, I mean, I'd stay in my room as well.’ he says.

‘Kaz, there’s a reason why we sleep in separate rooms.’ you tell him. ‘You know why. And this works for both of us.’

‘I know.’ says Kaz. ‘But you’re clearly still upset, you’re still visibly shaking. We could keep our distance, it’ll be alright.’

Still, you’re not convinced. ‘Are you sure?’ you say. ‘I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with for my sake. This is a huge step for you.’

‘I'm willing to try for you.’ says Kaz.

‘Alright.’ you say. ‘But you need to communicate with me, okay? If I'm doing something you’re not comfortable with, tell me. And if you want me to go back to my own room, that’s perfectly fine, you can just tell me.’

Kaz nods and walks to his room. You follow him, and are grateful his bed is much larger than yours. He sets his cane aside and lays down on the left side of the bed. You cross the room to the other side of the bed, and lay down.

It’s a bit awkward at first. There’s so much space between you, you almost fall off the bed on your side.

But then Kaz reaches out and hooks his pinky around yours.

It’s kind of like his way of hugging. You knew it would take years for him to be comfortable with touches like hugs, if he’d ever be comfortable with it in the first place.

Right now, you’re grateful for the feeling of his skin on yours, even if it’s the bare minimum, it’s comforting.

You close your eyes, focusing on the feeling of your intertwined fingers. Even if the nightmares got to you again, you knew Kaz would be alright. He’d be right there next to you.

You take a deep breath, mumble a ‘Thank you’ to Kaz, and fall back asleep.

A/N: If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rules Here’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. Please don’t repost my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading! Much love, Marit

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helliontherapscallion · 3 years

Text

Bonding (Adrenaline Junkie Chapter 12)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: nightmares, swearing, mentions of death/injury

Word count: 3,383

(A/N): it feels good to get back to this story

A week and a half went by in a flash. In that time, you and Arthur grew closer. You absolutely loved how he was so interested in innovation and engineering, you felt like he was the perfect choice for your apprentice. To pass the time, you would teach Arthur the basics of redstone working. You taught him everything from how to properly store it to the beginnings of using repeaters. Occasionally, Philza would join you two in lessons.

“Then, you just connect the repeaters together with redstone and set each for the desired times. Et voila! You have properly working timed pistons.”

Looking up from your demonstration, you stifle a chuckle at the two sitting in front of you. Arthur, the ever vigilant student, was frantically scribbling down notes into the journal you gave him, his face scrunched in concentration and his tongue poking out the corner of his mouth. Your father, however, looked downright confused. The poor man was staring down helplessly at the two repeaters in front of him, the whole set up he had looked slightly flimsy in structure. Redstone dust messily formed a line between the iron contraptions with the occasional tiny break in the dust. Judging by the positioning of the repeaters themselves, they were in the right place but they were haphazardly placed. Sure the positioning of the two repeaters relative to each other would work, but it was just something that you wouldn’t do. You always hated clutter in your contraptions. The only true flaw in his build was the messy line of redstone.

You walked over to the table your dad was working at and started to explain why the machine wasn’t working. “So your only mistake here is the cleanliness of your redstone. With it being this messy, there are plenty of potential breakages of the wiring,” you gently swept the redstone into a neat line with your hands and watched as the entire contraption glowed red. Pistons started moving in succession of each other in timed bursts. “One more thing, just a little nitpicky thing, the repeaters are set right, they’re just… messy?” You watched as Philza watched the movement of the pistons with a blank look before he looked up at you with a slightly annoyed look.

“Other than that, the settings of the repeaters were set right!” You sheepishly grinned at him before realizing that he wasn’t going to be reassured by your weak reassurance. You looked over to Arthur, “Arthur buddy you wanna try?”

You watched as his eyes lit up in excitement as he looked up from you from over the brim of his journal. Without a word, he quickly got to work. You and Philza watched him as he continuously looked between his journal and his work.

“I didn’t know working with redstone was so hard. I just thought it was easy with how fast you invent things,” Philza said dejectedly.

You reached over to pat him on the back, “it took me a while to figure it out. I remember four years ago when I started I was completely lost.”

You felt the vibration of his chuckle, “I remember when you almost crushed your wing in a piston. You were so lucky it only caught the ends of a few primary feathers.”

You chuckled bittersweetly, “not that it matters. I lost that wing a few months after that.”

You could practically hear his mind start churning, “but you made a new one, you can still fly.”

“It’s not the same Dad. I hate having to spend thirty minutes putting the sensors on my back. I can’t feel the air moving through my feathers anymore. It feels like a part of me is constantly missing and this hunk of useless metal doesn’t take that feeling away.”

He fell silent as he continued to watch Arthur work. You always felt bad whenever you dumped your trauma on him, he was always looking for ways for you to feel better. But there were just some things that couldn’t be fixed with reassurances and small gifts. He didn’t understand that and you didn’t have the heart to tell him that his kind and caring nature would never get you your wing back. It was gone forever and nothing can bring it back.

You tried to not be bitter about it, it happened three years ago afterall, but you couldn’t help but feel a bitter taste on your tongue and a pang in your heart whenever someone mentions a time when you still had both wings. Whenever someone mentioned you having both wings, you could still remember the feeling of the air working itself through the nooks and crannies of the spaces between your feathers, the way that both wings would hang off your bed because they were too large (you never got to ask Philza about how he covered his wings), the way that they would both puff up behind you when you tried to intimidate your brothers during a snowball fight. You didn’t want those memories, they were of a better version of yourself. You didn’t want to be reminded of what could’ve been if you didn’t go deeper into that damned cave.

“...Sorry, that was uncalled for.”

“Don’t apologize, I should’ve realized how you felt before bringing it up.”

“It’s not your fault, you didn’t know.”

You watched as his eyebrows furrowed and he looked at you with confusion, “why’re you just now-”

“(Y/n) I think I did it! Come look!”

Without a second glance at your dad, you hurried off to inspect Arthur’s contraption. It was perfectly set up; the redstone was in a neat line with no breakages, the repeaters were set perfectly and spaced evenly apart, and the pistons were successfully moving together in timed spurts.

You grinned at Arthur, “well done! This is perfect, you’ll be moving onto making your own inventions in no time. I couldn't have asked for a better apprentice.”

Arthur basked in your praise and listened to your words like they were being sung to him by an angel. He was practically beaming with how proud he was of himself. If the redstone smeared on his cheeks could be activated by emotional response, it would be glowing a brilliant red.

You reached out to wipe away the redstone from his cheek with your thumb, “why don’t you go clean up so we can grab some lunch. I bet you’re hungry.”

“I’m not hungry, I just wanna work with you more!” Arthur tried to convince you, but the rumbling of his stomach told you otherwise. You chuckled as the redstone slowly got camouflaged into his reddening puffed out cheeks.

He looked away in embarrassment as he started to stalk up the stairs, “...I’ll go clean up.”

Alongside teaching Arthur the basics of what you know, you were working on a plan to somehow release the souls from the Warden’s captivity. You felt a sort of survivor’s guilt when you thought about how you returned to your family and Hugh did not. Your family could survive without you, but Hugh was Arthur’s only family. It was unfair that such a kind, loving boy had his only family ripped away from him at such a young age when he needed his brother most. The least you could do for Arthur was free his brother’s soul from it’s endless torment.

You kept a journal that you would write out your plans in. The plans ranged from fighting the Warden with your very limited swordsmanship to blowing the entire cave to smithereens. No matter what plan you came up with, it would always result in you getting seriously wounded or dying for the last time. Most of the plans you came up with wouldn’t work anyways; the Warden was just too powerful. Asking Philza or Techno was out of the question, you didn’t want to risk their lives. That, and they would never let you go kill it. This was something you had to do on your own.

The mere thought of facing the Warden stressed you out extremely, giving you more and more nightmares about the monster.

The Warden somehow entered your house. You could hear it’s booming footsteps working its way through the hallways and stopping at each room. You could hear how it slaughtered your family brutally. You could hear their screams slowly becoming integrated into the horrid cacophony of the souls’ as their souls were absorbed into the Warden’s being. Finally, as the Warden reached your room, you could hear your family’s voices over the harsh screaming of the other souls.

“You promised me that you wouldn’t let it get me.” Arthur.

“I thought you’d always protect me.” Tommy.

“Why’d you let me die?” Wilbur.

“I’ve done so much for you and you just let me die.” Techno.

“It should’ve been you.” Philza.

Just as the Warden’s clawed hand swung down towards your face, you bolted up from your bed and flattened yourself against the wall scanning your room for the Warden. There was not a single thing out of place in your room. You wiped away the tears that were streaming freely down your cheeks and grabbed your automatic crossbow you had leaning against your wall. Grasping it with an iron grip and your finger hovering over the trigger, you reluctantly left your room and made your way down the hallway. You opened Philza’s door and peered into his room. You could see his wings sprawled out behind him and his chest rising and falling gently. He was still alive. You closed the door quietly and made your way to Wilbur’s old room where Arthur was currently sleeping. Bracing yourself to find his corpse, you opened the door. You only saw a mop of brilliant red hair poking out of the blankets. You couldn’t see movement, oh god was he even breathing? You rushed over to his bed and pulled back the covers.

You could see his peaceful face looking back at you. Putting your hand under his nose, you held your breath as you waited for air to hit your hand. Finally after what seemed like forever, you felt a gentle burst of air hit your hand. You covered Arthur back up and stalked out of his room. Your family was alive. The Warden was still in that cave. It was just a dream. It was just a dream.

You glanced at the clock, it was about half past four in the morning. You’d have to wake up in about two hours, so you just made your way down to the kitchen to make yourself a cup of coffee. Not that you’d be able to go back to sleep after that nightmare anyways. Time moved infinitely around you as you became engrossed in your thoughts. You needed to make better plans to kill the Warden. You needed to be better.

You didn’t notice when Arthur and Philza entered the kitchen. You were fully zoned out staring at the now cold cup of coffee in your hands, lost in thought. It wasn’t until you felt a hand on your shoulder that you snapped out of your trance. Recoiling violently and reaching for the crossbow you had propped up against the chair, you whipped around and pointed the weapon at the thing that touched you. Instead of the Warden standing there ready to devour you, you were met with a startled Philza stepping back with his hands in the air. Arthur was hiding behind him fearfully.

Your eyes widened as you lowered the crossbow. You could feel your wing start to puff up and retract itself back in reflecting your horror as you hastily put the crossbow back onto the table. “I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t- I wouldn’t do that. Shit what time is it, I haven’t made breakfast yet. I’ll start. I'm sorry.”

You pushed passed them as you rushed over to the chest and pulled out the ingredients to make pancakes. Your shaky hands struggled slightly to pour the exact measurement of flour before someone stopped you.

“(Y/n), I’ll make it.” It was your dad once again.

“No, I got it.”

“(Y/n), I’m not asking. Go sit down.”

You sighed as you started walking to the table. You could hear Arthur’s breath hitch in his throat when you grabbed the crossbow and stalked up to your room to hide it. You could feel guilt, shame, and horror rise up from deep within you from what you almost did. You couldn’t believe that you almost just shot them because of your stupid delusion. It would’ve been fatal too, your automatic crossbow never failed to kill. It was one of the many downsides to the weapons you invented, you had to live with the fact that people are getting killed because of your inventions. In a way, you indirectly killed many people per day.

You walked down the stairs as slowly as you could so you could avoid having to face them. You couldn’t forget the look of pure fear on Arthur’s face as he hid behind Philza, you were the cause of that. You promised that you would protect him and he fully trusted you to do so. This morning you took that trust and destroyed it the second you reached for that crossbow.

When you reached the dining room, you sat down as far away from Arthur as possible. You could hear Philza pause his movements when he saw you enter the room before he started stirring again. He was probably trying to see if you came back with a stronger weapon so he could protect Arthur. You were a monster.

Soon enough breakfast was ready and a hefty plate of pancakes covered with maple syrup was placed in front of you. Breakfast went by quietly, the only sound coming from the clanking of silverware against plates. You didn’t eat much of your breakfast, you were too busy trying to think of a way to apologize to Arthur and Philza. In the middle of your thought process, you were interrupted by Arthur’s voice.

“(Y/n)?”

You jumped slightly and looked up at him, “yeah?”

“Can you look at my blueprint? I got an idea for something yesterday and I wanna see if you think it’d work.”

You looked at the young boy in slight confusion, “...Sure just finish your breakfast first.”

“I’m done, I’ll go grab it!”

Without giving you any warning, he jumped out of his chair and raced up the stairs.

“You gave us quite the scare this morning hun. What happened?”

“I’m sorry-”

“Don’t apologize, just tell me what happened.”

You sighed and ran a hand through your hair, “I just had a bad nightmare last night. I couldn’t go back to sleep so I just… came down here to wait a bit so I could make breakfast.”

“Nightmares are understandable, but why’d you have a crossbow?”

“I thought I needed something to protect the house if it came.”

“If the Warden came? I thought you didn’t get nightmares about it anymore.”

“Well, I still do, just a lot more frequently-”

Arthur burst through the door and ran over to you, slapping the paper on the table in front of you. You squinted at it, trying to decipher the messy handwriting. It was a layout of a secret door, which was popular in the world of redstoning. You didn’t have the heart to tell him that though, especially with how excited he was to show you what he made. So, you smiled at him.

“It looks good buddy, do ya wanna try to build it today? I can help you.”

“Yes! I’m gonna go get dressed so we can build it!”

He once again dashed up the stairs, leaving you and Philza alone in the kitchen. Philza chuckled, “he reminds me of Tommy when he was that age. Except… a little more mellow.” When you didn’t respond, he turned to look at you. “What’s wrong?”

You sighed, “he was so scared of me this morning. I promised to protect him and I almost ended up killing him.”

“...Ya know I almost stabbed you and your brothers multiple times when you guys were younger because you guys startled me right?”

You felt the corners of your mouth twitch, “of course I do, and you would always get us ice cream after.”

“Did you ever resent me for it?”

“No, you were just trying to def- oh, I see where you’re going with this.”

“Ever the keen one,” he chuckled. “Arthur’s more understanding than most kids his age, I bet he understands that you didn’t mean to do that. You just gotta make it up to him.”

“Alright, thank you Dad. I think I’m gonna go get dressed so Arthur doesn’t have to wait long. I think if I have him wait any longer he’s gonna explode.”

After you got dressed, you walked downstairs and grabbed the materials Arthur would need and a couple of extra supplies you might need. Walking outside, you were met with an excited Arthur. You two worked on his contraption all day. You knew exactly what he needed to do to fix any problems that arouse, but you only gave him little hints that would push him in the right direction. You wanted him to stop relying on you so much for the little things. Sure, you were always going to be there for him when he was stuck, but you wanted him to be more independent.

Eventually, the sky took on hues of pinks and yellows as the sun started to disappear behind the treeline. “It’s getting late, Arthur. You made good progress today.”

He nodded as he walked alongside you back into the house as you led him to the couch. “Arthur?”

He looked at you, his brown eyes clouded with exhaustion and confusion. “I’m so proud of how fast you’ve improved. I have something for you.” You reached into your bag and pulled out a new pair of goggles and leather gloves.

“I know it’s not much, but-”

“I love it.” He whispered as he stared down at his presents in his hands. Without warning, he flung himself into your side as he tightly hugged your midsection. You froze before you wrapped your left wing around him in a feathery hug. Your hand reached up to stroke his hair as you chuckled. “It’s no problem kid, you deserve it.”

You two sat there for a bit before you patted his back, “dinner’s almost ready. Let’s go clean up so my dad doesn’t throw a fit. You have redstone and dirt all over you.”

After you two cleaned the dirt off from your faces and hands, you led Arthur down the stairs. You nudged his shoulder when you got to the end of the stairs, “race you to the kitchen!”

You broke off into a speed walk as Arthur started to sprint, laughing boisterously as the distance grew between you two quickly. Grinning, you shouted out, “oh no, I can’t go any faster! You’re gonna win!”

You dramatically yelled out a stretched out “no” as he bolted into the kitchen and sat at the table. You sped walked into the kitchen and sat next to Arthur. “How’re you so fast? I couldn’t catch up to you if I tried.”

“Yeah, you’re a speed demon Arthur!” Philza agreed from the stove between laughs. He forgot how much missed having his kids race each other to the dinner table, having Arthur around the house was really refreshing for him. He was ecstatic that you were getting closer to Arthur, it meant that he was going to get another grandson soon.

Dinner went by a lot smoother with laughter and banter being tossed around freely. Arthur would not take the goggles off and wore them proudly at the top of his head. Philza would cast knowing looks over to you when he was sure you were looking at him, which confused you, but you just brushed the feeling aside. You were happy sitting at the table eating with your little family; you couldn’t wait for your brothers and nephew to finally meet Arthur. They’d get along well with your apprentice. Until then, you have a mission to complete involving a certain monster.

General taglist (comment if you want to be added):

@crybabyjabby @izzybobizzy13 @goldenstarofthunderclan @bunnyz-pxstel @averytiredfanfictionwriter @dcml04

Series taglist (comment if you want to be added):

@acecarddraws @ravennightingaleandavatempus @dirtydiavolo @yeiras-world @immadatmostthings @hee-hee-haw @jackalopedoodles @m1lkmandan @vanhakirja @im-a-depressed-gay @coolleviauchihadreamerlove @questioning-sanity @camisascam @bongwaterflavoredgatorade @kakamiissad @jayistrash4 @lifestylesleep @speedymaximoff @sun-shark-tooth @appetiteofapeoplepleaser @lestrangenymph @kinismanditory @dragons-lurk-here @rinzyx05 @the-wandering-pan-ace @sparkling-gayyyy @angelic-scent @shinipii @dont-hug-me-im-a-fander @izzydimensional @used-avocado @laura--444 @wing-non @lovely-echoo @i-am-scared-and-useless-bisexual @mysteryartisticwriter @momo-has-a-gun @mosstea-png @w-0-r-n-n @v-kouya @kusuinko @kiinokochii @cheybaee @dulcedippers @jaciahbabes

#sbi x reader #sleepy bois x reader #sleepy bois inc x reader #philza x reader #technoblade x reader #wilbur soot x reader #tommyinnit x reader #sibling reader #platonic #mcyt #mcyt x reader #tw: nightmare #tw: swearing #tw: death #tw: injury

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orangepurin45 · 3 years

Text

𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐄 - 𝐌𝐢𝐲𝐚 𝐀𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐮 𝐗 𝐀𝐧𝐭𝐢-𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐲! 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 ..𝐏.𝐓 1

Summary: Miya Atsumu the one you've been crushing on purposely bring your life a living hell but on the present day, things we'll get reversed as it seems before. And you were delighted by it...

Warning: Humiliation, mentions of mental disorder, mentions of harassment, past trauma (School-Bullying), mass murder, guns & drugs, and disturbing behavior, suggestive , explosion

Flashback

"Miya-san, I love you!"

"Tsk... Why would like someone as PIG as you are!?"

You flinched as you slowly rose and look at his honey darken orbs, staring disgustingly at you.

"B-because... Um... um uh-...."

He was smirking, and leans down at the exact eye level as you are.

"B-B-BECAUSE UM UH!? Yer funny! how about yer get the fuck outta ma' business or else somethin' might happen unpleasantly "

He smiled and turned away about to head home, your back of your head burns then tears came up and falls down to your chin then the concrete.

He could've just let you down easily...

He could've! But what he did was the hard way... And you couldn't take those words lightly.

But Although, wiping your eyes using your jacket sleeves. Your eyes glare at his retreating figure, seeing how his ego overflowing with such confidence and passion from volleyball.

"Soon... You'll regret what you've done for you to say such things aren't necessary, Miya-san"

In many effort of you confession and this is the 15th time. Plus after this he make fun of you ,dump you some soda on your hair, shoving you over, and pulling your hair. He was enjoying his fun so much, he stole the last dignity the god once told you to take care of.

But this guy have taken an advantage of it and take it, making you snap and never came to school that day... And never ever return again

End Flashback...

The platinum blonde holds your forearm. His eyes which holds greater concern and trying to prevent something that you might regret later on.

Like hell you will... What a joke

"Y/n... Don't go" he grips a little tight, his eyes pleads to stay.

YOU PIECE OF SHIT OF A PISS-HAIR, you thought irritatingly staring back at him but not physically but mentally. You smiled and pat his head.

"I'll be out for a bit, Miya-san the so-called customers needed me for their so-called delivery" You chirped, trying not to stab his face with the nearby pencil.

"Ya' could've just call me Tsumu.. ya know?," He said while pouting his finger still wrapped around your forearm. "Please accompany me... I want yer ass here! I want to cuddle ya!!" He whines, bawling like a baby.

A angered mark appeared on your cheek, your so close punching him. "Sorry, Miya-san I insist that you go do your routine alone" With that you shove your arm away and immediately trots towards the doorway before he had the chance to engulf you again in his arms.

"What a pathetic man he was... Thinking in the past that I still want him" you tutt'ed and jump off the 4th storage white apartment and landed gracefully like a cat on fours. "Such pity" you giggled as you scanned the place for that buyer.

You saw your buyer at the corner of an abandoned building and you smirked walking over the lone man, oh boy he was heaving heavily plus eyes bloodshot. Must be so obsessed over the illegal product you produce, not caring about his life right now.

"Hello! Are you here to buy my white powder?? " You chirped as the man flinch in flash his head turn his afront of you at mentions of the word, white powder.

"YES! BITCH GIVE IT TO ME"

"Only ¥679000 please!"

He throws his brief case on the ground. You smiled with close eyes as you give him a small plastic pouch, he giggled and happily snatched before running like a lost maniac.

"*Whistles* damn what a day" crouching down to reach over the brief case, opening to make sure something aren't alrighty.

And to your relief, it was just money.

If it was a bomb, you are good at throwing people at the head and might as well make a refund would help with using his life.

"Ah~ what a fine day!

In the gym, Atsumu was on the bench sitting uncharacteristically still and quiet (much of Kiyoomi's satisfaction) he was staring on the floor.

"EYY Tsumu! Why are you down for? Should've you practicing??" Kotaro pat his shoulder, he jumped and just chuckled dryly then pushes the spiker hand's away.

"Ahh... Just thinkin' somethin' d-don't mind me... " He was feeling touch starve at the moment and couldn't get you to be wrapped around his arms holding you so tight. The slight frustration of you being live-in partner and almost a lover (he hasn't confess yet...) The urges to just hugged you and feel the strands of your hand for just a minute.

Yet you refuse to let him do so...

Bandaging some of his fingers, and stood up then started to warm-up to practice some serves and some set. This mind was drifting how your face refuse to let you know he wants you and heck He can just tell you right the hell now even the heavy rain couldn't stop him approaching you then start a heavy make-up underneath.

But right now, he needed to focus right now. (If he can... Poor boy)

Gun fire was heard and a loud thumping foots then mad screams filled the building of a certain headquarters that wanted you dead.

"Do you really think you can fucking kill me!? For a stupid reason??! FUCK YOU" you point both of your twin guns and hail a thousand bullets at each agent.

Making their blood spray on the wall... You smirked and saw Sero Rintaro, the auditor of the headquarter glared at you.

"You fucking bitch... Stop interrupting my business!" He yelled pointing his M16 Calliber at you then started to fire. In which you perform acrobatics to dodge all the bullets with the mad grin. "This place is not accepting for the likes you of you! Get lost!!" Then stop firing and unlock the grenade before throwing at you. In instant, you got an idea using your katana as baseball bat then home run the grenade back the auditor himself.

He was in complete shock when the grenade was switch places to him. He yells profanities before being blow to shreds .

"Pathetic... BUT! Thank you for bringing the upmost gift of all time!" You bowed still giggling mess about how their horrible surgery, torture, and experiment on you when you volunteer to ONLY help to them.

But hey... They started to regret it.

A door sound slides and there was your comrade, Shizuka. She was chewing a bubble with both of her TEC-09 on her delicate hand. "Ah... What a mess I thought you were dead sisy we were just gonna revive afterwards said by the doc"

"Whatever did we got what we-" you were cut off when you saw a hole behind the desk. Shit, you were escaped by the auditor himself. "Fucking bullshit... Anyway did we get it what we objected of?" She chuckled and nodded "Yeah he'll be alright... It was just he was forced to undergo experiment by this goons in words of your whereabouts"

You sighed running your hand over your hair before eyeing once more the hole the auditor created. "Let's go shit gonna be hellfire on this place"

With you showered the place with C4 and bomb the place entirely in massive explosion and flames.

Odis and Shizuka cheered "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!" earning a chuckled from you and a face palm from the combat-doctor.

At the way home of your apartment shared with Atsumu himself, you saw him there on the stairs sitting behavely like a child patiently wait for your arrival.

He was pouting and he had his arms crossed.

What a man-child you thought before you snickered. He heard you and like a puppy he almost tackle you down on the floor.

"Y/n! Where were ya!? And YER HURT!?!?" You cover your ears from his outburst and started to untangle yourself off his arms but he didn't budge much of your displeasure.

"I'm alright Miya-san just a couple of scratches from a large thug" You try an EFFORT to let go because of his masculine cologne is very strong and it's gonna make you throw up.

"Ya could've just called yer know? Ya can trust yer roommate" pointing at himself, but his arms still glued around your waist, your bloodlust is almost at this limit.

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤

"Atsumu-san! I LOVE YOU!"

"SHUT YER TRAP Pig leave me alone! Will ya??!"

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤

"Aight... Aight you can let go now your suffocating me" you breath through your teeth. Palm both of his chest and push yourself away from him.

Eyeing him up, his expression was disbelief and further sadness. You could tell that this blondie is pretty much...

Touch starve..~

It's cute least to say that he's suffering like you were in highschool.

"I'm now cooking dinner here's the list of what I needed... Go crazy" winking at him patting his shoulder three times before entering yourself inside the apartment you two shared of.

You sighed and snickered, it all according to plan. Looking through your cute bunny-themed notepad, which written:

1. Live in with him ⭕

2. Befriend him ⭕

3. Make fun of him or Bully him mentally ⭕

4. Make him jealous

5. Go crazy about you

6. Reject him at all fours

"How long are you gonna last Miya-san?" A sly evil grin grew the side of your lips, (E/c) eyes glow in pure madness. As you engulf of an imagination on your brain about him being corrupted little bitch on the ground.

Drooling and Begging to be punish.

"Y/n-sama... Punish me~"

You couldn't help but giggle at the plan of humiliation you desire for him to feel.

The feel of what he did...

The feel of what shit fuckery he did back then.

This ego... You wanna deflate right in front of everybody.

"Just you wait Miya-san... Just you wait" as you roared out an insane laughter.

Your laughter interrupt a call, you picked it up and heard Geo, the combat-doctor of the group of the Anti-group.

"Y/n Tomorrow I've got a mission alongside the airheaded duo"

"Roger that... Where's the location at?"

"Behind where your roommate practice at... The auditor and his goons were hiding there"

You smirked and answered with "Okay see ya," then brought the down the call.

"Looks like we are gonna save some man-child's buttcheeks"

Next day...

"Y/n-chan!? Y-y-yer here!?!" You could tell an imagination of a doggy tail and ears on him. But you put on a shades because he's too bright for to handle.

Especially the human tangerine one who's sparkling in infinite rays of sunshine.

"Why not? How can a NICE roommate like me can't I support my good ol' roommate?" At the corner of your eyes and saw Suna, Suna Rintaro himself. He was staring his eyes slightly dilated at your figure.

Ohoho~ The auditor's son... How great. You wave at him with a smile in which he turned and went to grab another ball to spike making Komori confuse at his actions.

"Y/n," you hummed and look at Kiyoomi. He was blushing despite his effort to just looking at the other side of the gym.

"H-how are you?" He stuttered and he clicked his tongue for that. You only smiled eye closed "I'm doing fine, Sakusa-san! Just enjoying life is all~!"

"I-i see...By the way it's o-omi"

Can't believe he's trying to win you back, despite his lack of touch back in the day. You sorta the ONE who broke up with Sir Germaphobe here, he was suprise and didn't say back then.

Now he's trying his best to clean it up. You pity him really but...

The damage has already done.

"HEY HEY! Y/N LOOK AT ME SERVE THIS BALL!!?" You avert back to Puppy boy himself who was waving at you holding a Mikasa volleyball.

He throws it upwards before running and jump then SMACK!

You saw how his small celebration was, as you walk over his side. He was awaiting for your praise to boost his ego...

Huh?? Like hell you would...

"It's only a serve Miya-san you don't have to like Show off afront of anyone here... Everyone's here can do that"

"HUH!?!? IT'S ONLY A SERVE!? CAN YA AT LEAST APPRECIATE ME FOR ONCE WILL YA! "He whines and bawled like huge baby he is.

🤭 damn

"Anyways your match is going to start"

The eyes of gold stabbing on your back, coldy.

"Yeah! Che-"

But Kiyoomi beat him to it.

"Cheer for me" Kiyoomi was looking the other before bringing it back another time to meet yours again.

At the corner of your eye, Atsumu's honey orbs get dulled his happy smile he once wore banished when his teammates beat him to it.

4.Make him Jealous ⭕ Ohoho~! Two more to go

"I will Omi" He blushes and nodded before running over to line up. Atsumu gets back to his track and tried to say the words again but your gaze was still staring LOVINGLY at Kiyoomi.

He felt destroyed, when you don't acknowledged his presence too. His eyes just watch you walk up the bleachers ignoring their fans talking about you.

"Yo! Atsumu line up"

"Oh! Right there!!" He couldn't help but thinking it.

Are you Omi-Omi and You had a thing before? Or did two of you came back together.

Oh please don't he thought... It's only gonna make his blood boil and frustration. He was yet to say his feelings to your after this match was over.

He couldn't help but wonder... Is it?

Because if you did something might snap and he'll make Kiyoomi pay for it.

At the bleachers, you were delighted and you were hiding your smirking under your mouth.

"what a perfect view... He's shivering how pity"

Okay that was long thats all. Plus, this one is shitty asf and I have words plus if your gonna make fun I'll a IDC one and leave a block on ya or maybe report of whatsoever I'm here so don't test me.

You don't like the content the door is always open for you to exit bigtime

That's all

-Ariella

#miya atsumu #angst #haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #miya atsumu x reader #atsumu x y/n #slight Kiyoomi x Reader #slight suna x reader #MDI #yandere Atsumu

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stratiotis-nth · 3 years

Text

The footsteps got louder, and they were close enough now that Dean could hear a low voice muttering to itself and a pen tapping against a stack of papers. The door behind him squeaked as it was pushed open, the voice’s distracted muttering coming to an abrupt halt.

“Oh, uh, hello?”

Something pinged distantly in the back of Dean’s head at the voice, but he was turning around before he could properly analyze it. A patented Dean Winchester Charm smile was lifting the corners of his mouth, a smile he had perfected over the years that he never really meant but always got what he wanted. His eyes raked up leather shoes and pressed black slacks to a fitted suit jacket over a black button down that was popped open at the top. Broad shoulders filled the fabric just right, and muscular arms clutched a stack of papers.

Everything was normal until Dean’s eyes landed on his face. The world came to a screeching stop as his entire body unanimously decided to try and vomit out it’s insides. His heart tried to split off in opposite direction to tug at his stomach and cram his throat. His split lip throbbed painfully and his ears filled with a loud ringing.

It was Cas.

Dean was lost when he saw those eyes again, accented by slanted eye bags that always seemed more artful and not at all unattractive. A pen was pinched between plump lips, stubble accented that sharp jawline, and unruly black hair that was longer and hung down the sides of his face, a pair of glasses perched on top. But those goddamn eyes…

Dean was well aware (was now, anyway) that all those times he and Cas had stared at each other that they were eyefucking. He knew those irises by heart—a stunning shade of blue handpicked from the sea, surrounded by a ring of navy that teased on black. They were just unfairly blue, and Dean never stood a chance.

Something sang mournfully in his chest, something that wailed with loss and grief. He forgot how long he had been staring without saying anything, too lost in his own shock and sorrow to register the man was talking.

“—help you?”

Dean blinked when the eyes broke from his gaze to flickered up and down, assessing him curiously. His tongue darted out to wet his lips, aggravating the split. Once again, that twinge of pain was enough to remind Dean of where he was. He cleared his throat.

“Professor Bradshaw?” He just barely managed not to sound choked up.

“Yes. Can I help you?”

Nothing was making sense. It was Cas—right down to the squinty eyes and tilted head. Dean’s head spun dizzily, and he couldn’t think to remember why he was even here. All he could think about was black ooze swallowing up that face, devouring this eyes and watery smile as he accepted his own death sentence—

“Sir?”

Dean blinked again, biting down hard on his split lip. It was going to get infected at this point, but he didn’t really care.

“Sorry, I—I just remembered I…I’d lost someon—thing. Something. I-I’m a private investigator, I wanted to ask you a few questions.” He gave himself a mental pat on the back for stringing that sentence together properly and not sounding like he was choking on his own trauma.

That’s Cas, that’s Cas, that’s Cas, that’s Cas…

“Ah well,” Bradshaw said quickly. “I’m afraid I don’t have time for an interview. I’m extremely busy—“

Dean was definitely no longer in the right headspace to be asking the right questions, so he immediately jumped on the out.

“That’s alright, your TA mentioned you were busy.” He leapt to his feet as if the seat burned his ass. “I’m sure I can find you at another time.”

Bradshaw blinked, a little taken aback by how little Dean had resisted.

“Right.” He mumbled, dumping his armful of papers on his desk. “You talked to Vipin?”

“Uh, yeah. Good kid.” Dean felt that lump rising up in his throat again as he watched Bradshaw frown at the papers like Cas used to frown at something that confused him. Shit, he couldn’t keep watching this. “I’ll come back another time.” He choked out, turning on his heel and darting for the door.

“Um, wait just a moment.” Bradshaw called. Dean’s entire body froze, inside and out. “What exactly are you investigating?”

Think, goddamnit. Dean mentally berated himself. His head was spinning. Black goo, teary eyes, a beautifully sorrowful smile.

I love you.

“Your father’s disappearance.” He rasped out, slamming his eyes shut to fight against the tide of memories pressing against his skull.

“My father disappeared forty years ago.” Bradshaw said, suspicion leaking into his tone. “Why are you investigating now?”

“His badge showed up, didn’t he?” Dean managed, his voice a little thick. “New lead.”

You changed me, Dean.

“Right, right…” Bradshaw hummed. “Feel free to come back tomorrow at 2. I have office hours.”

“Sure thing.” Dean gritted out, and ducked out of the office without another look back. His hands were clammy and trembling, and he shoved them into his pockets so he didn’t have to look at them. His breath was shallow, his head was light and he could see stars floating around the outskirts of his vision. His feet carried him down the stairs and back out into the parking lot, where cool autumn air slapped him across the face like a bucket of ice water. He drew in a sharp breath.

Everything you have done, the good, the bad, you have done for love.

Dean braced his arms against the Impala, pressing his forehead into the crook of his elbow. Everything was rushing back, vivid and more painful than he ever remembered it being. All he could see was Cas in the dungeon again, speaking with tears rolling down his face that juxtaposed the smile he wore. All he could feel was the terror and pain upon seeing Bradshaw in the doorway, looking exactly like the man he had lost.

Because the one thing I want…it’s something I know I can’t have.

“Goddamnit, Cas.” Dean choked, leaning fully against Baby as his knees buckled. Fresh tears rolled down his cheeks as he heaved in air, trying to stay conscious. He’d passed out crying over Cas before, but hadn’t in nearly three months. The pain washed over him, the agony of losing someone he loved so familiar, but never less painful.

He knew he hadn't been coping well. He was on the brink of breaking every second of the goddamn day. But seeing Bradshaw, a shadow of Cas down to the very shade of his eyes, torn down the flimsy wall Dean had desperately tried to erect between reality and his emotions.

He let out an explosive breath, jerking his head up and cramming away the well of sorrow. He ran a palm across his face to brush away the tear tracks, sucking in a deep breath to regain his composure. He needed to get back to Sam without crashing the car. He could deal with this later with his brother there to back him up.

Dean rearranged his features into a scowl, locking his shit up tight, and ducked into the car.

He wasn’t Cas. He couldn’t be. For his own sanity, he could not be Cas.

Funny how Dean had spent so long hoping Cas would make some miraculous comeback, and now needing not to cling to the far away, near-impossible hope.

It might kill him if he did, and he was wrong.

#fanfic #aos #sam winchester #cas #dean #castiel #casdean #dean is bi #spn #spn fanfiction #bridgewater #misha collins #reunion #it’s cas but it’s not cas #dean has highkey ptsd #flashback #destiel

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lilacs-fandom-garden · 3 years

Text

Incorrect Quotes 4

Ships:

Errorink (lol I dont have much Errorink in my posts still, sorry)

Kreme/Driller

Crossmare

Dustberry

Horrorlust

Scifell

Afterdeath

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Geno, to Ink: I dare you to—

Dream: Ink isn’t allowed to accept dares.

Ink: Apparently I have ”no regard for my personal safety”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dust: Do you miss the imagination of childhood?

Cross: I never had one.

Dust: An imagination or a childhood?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Horror: *accidentally hits Error in the face*

Horror: *trying to decide between saying “I’m fucking sorry” and “are you okay?”

Horror: ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: Do you like my outfit?

Dream: Not as much as I like what's underneath it.

Killer, blushing: I- Dre-

Dream: I need your chair. Get up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Horror: Do you know when you know someone, and you see that they have another, like, life away from you and it feels weird?

Dust: Like when you see your teacher in the grocery store weird, or like when someone you’ve known for a long time starts wearing a cowboy hat weird?

Horror: The… The first thing weird

Dust: Oh, that’s good, ‘Cause I was thinking about getting a cowboy hat

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cross: You read my diary?!

Dream: At first, I didn’t know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lust: Sorry, but you're under arrest for robbery.

Horror: What did I steal?

Lust, trying not to cry: My heart

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dream: Killer and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us

Cross: *Sighing* What did Killer do?

Dream: They chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...

Killer: Who wants a steering wheel?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dream: *holding a bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?

Killer: *chugs entire bottle*

Killer: It’s perfume.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer, watching the news: Someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today.

Dream: *walks in covered with ink* Well, maybe the squid was being a jerk!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer, tending to Dream's wounds: How would you rate your pain?

Dream: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.

Horror, drinking toast: Why do you say that?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dust: Lol heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you'll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this lmfao

Horror: What did you do!?

Dust: A MISTAKE

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dust, addressing the squad: And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.

Horror: But – that’s just a trash can.

Dust: It sure is!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dream: With great power comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fell: I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives

Sci: I wake up at 4:30 AM

Fell:

Fell: I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sci: If you were to vacuum up jello through a metal tube, well I think that’d be a neat noise

Fell: I beg to differ

Sci: Then Beg

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dust: You’re a lying, cheating, piece of shit! You’re not the person I married!

Blue: Fine then! We’re getting a divorce! And i’m taking the kids!

Dream, pushing the monopoly board away from them: …maybe we should stop playing…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dream: I relate to Belle because she loves books and likes people for who they are!

Ink: I relate to Tinkerbell because she needs attention or she dies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: *dials 911*

Killer: hey i hate to be “that guy” but i glued myself to the ceiling again

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ink: Things have actually been going really well with Error. Our friendship is in a really good place.

Ink: Last week I said, “Did you know the weiner dog is neither a weiner nor a dog?” Instead of saying, “Shut up, Ink,” they said, “Okay.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lust: *signs a legal document with a glitter gel pen*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Horror, dumping out a shopping bag full of Lunchables onto the table: Tonight, we feast.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Error or Nightmare: *kicks “G” off Graveyard sign*

Error or Nightmare: Let’s get this party started.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reaper: Did Geno just tell me they loved me for the first time?

Cross: Yeah.

Reaper: And did I do finger guns back?

Cross: Yeah, you did.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sci: Name one time I haven’t acted professional

Geno: You’re holding a juice box right now

Sci: It’s to stop me from spilling my juice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*The Bad Sanses response to I love you*

Killer: Thanks fam!

Horror: oh no

Dust: *cries* I love you too

Cross: Sounds fake but okay

Error: *A flustered mess*

Nightmare: can i get a refund

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sci: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.

Blue: What if it bites me and it dies!?

Sci: Then you’re poisonous.

Dream: What if it bites itself and I die?

Sci: That’s voodoo.

Error: What if it bites me and someone else dies?

Sci: That’s correlation, not causation.

Horror: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?

Ink & Killer at the same time: That’s kinky.

Sci: Oh my God.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blue: Truth or dare?

Lust: Dare

Blue: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room

Lust: Hey Ink.

Ink: Yeah?

Lust: Could you move? I’m trying to get to Geno.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me

Horror: Okay, but in my defense, Dust bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo.

Killer: That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*The group is getting into the car*

Lust: I’m driving.

Geno, out of view: Shotgun!

Sci, turning to face Geno: Aww! But you had it on the way here-

Everyone except Geno: WOAH-

Geno, holding a shotgun: No! I found a shotgun! And I want the front seat! *Pumps gun*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A random stranger: Go to Hell

Nightmare, tearing up: I wish I could

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Error: Dear friends, your Christmas gift this year… is me. That’s right, another year of friendship. Your membership has been renewed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blue: I’m going to defeat you with the power of friendship! ... And this knife I found.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dust: My life isn’t as glamorous as my wanted poster makes it look like.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: You know how I roll.

Killer: And I’m not talking about that time I fell into a pile of dung at the foot of a hill.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dream: Physically, yes, I could fight a bird. But emotionally? Imagine the toll.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: You seem familiar, have I threatened you before?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blue: Look. I may not be a saint, but it's not like I’ve killed anybody. I’m not an arsonist. I’ve never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.

Fell: Okay, that's really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Horror: Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running?

Dust: Oh, I’m always running

Dust: The question is from what

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blue: WHAT’S YOUR TYPE

Fell: Anything, honestly, but nerds especially

Blue, desperately, as Fell bleeds out: YOUR BLOOD TYPE

Fell: Oh! B positive.

Blue: DONT TRY TO CHEER ME UP JUST TELL ME YOUR BLOOD TYPE

Fell:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Horror: So what’s for dinner?

Dust, staring at the food they just burnt: Regret.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightmare: Hey, you want some leftovers?

Cross: What's that?

Nightmare: You've never had leftovers???

Cross: No, because I'm not a quitter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightmare: You often use humor to deflect trauma

Cross: Thank you

Nightmare: I didn't say that was a good thing

Cross: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sci, pointing: May I sit there?

Fell: That's my lap

Sci: That doesn't answer my question, Fell.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blue: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life

Dream: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?

Blue: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.

Ink: edible

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Can I copy the homework?'

Horror: I can help you with it!

Killer: Yeah, sure.

Dust: Bold of you to assume I did the homework.

Error: lol nope.

Cross: Wait, we had homework?!?!?!

Nightmare: *Read 5:55pm*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightmare: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Horror: >:O language

Dust: Yeah watch your fucking language

Cross: OKAY WHO TAUGHT DUST THE FUCK WORD?

Error: 'The fuck word'.

Killer: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

Dust: Oh my god they censored it

Error: Say fuck, Killer.

Dust: Do it, Killer. Say fuck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: Croissants: dropped

Horror: Road: works ahead

Dust: BBQ sauce: on my titties

Cross: Shavacado: fre

Error: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead

Nightmare:

Nightmare, grumpy: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightmare: Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.

Horror: Okay, but what is updog?

Dust: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.

Cross: Not, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.

Error: No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.

Killer: Surely, that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.

Nightmare: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.

Cross: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.

Dust: No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.

Horror: What’s a henway??

Nightmare: Oh, about five pounds.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: Dumbest scar stories, go!

Horror: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.

Error: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.

Cross: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.

Dust: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.

Nightmare:

Nightmare: I have emotional scars.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*

Horror: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents

Killer: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you

Error: Actually I did the math, Horror would have $225, not $0.15.

Horror: Fam I’m right here....

Cross: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)

Killer: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?

Cross: Sorry I only have a dollar

Killer: :(

Error: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Horror would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent

Cross: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice

Error: You can buy anything you want with $22,500

Dust: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice

Error: Apply juice to what

Nightmare: Directly to the forehead

Horror: Great chat everyone

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?

Horror: Have everyone stand.

Cross: Bring three more chairs.

Error: The most important ones can sit down.

Dust: Kill three.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: You're a loose cannon, Horror.

Horror: No, I'm not. I'm a cannon maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?

Error: I think you play by your own rules.

Cross: No way, they think rules were made to be broken.

Killer: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.

Horror: No, I'm just a reckless renegade. Dust is a loose cannon.

Dust: *smashes a chair*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cross: Are we really going to let Error keep Horror?

Killer: We kept Dust.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: Good morning.

Horror: Good morning.

Error: Good morning.

Cross: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.

Dust: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killer: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?

Horror: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies

Dust: Socks are Feetie Heaties

Cross: Forks are Stabby Grabbies

Horror: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties

Dust: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies

Cross: Stamps are Lickie Stickies

Error, annoyed: You are disappointments

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dust: What’s something you guys are better than Killer at?

Error: Mario Kart.

Cross: Yeah, video games.

Horror: Emotional vulnerability.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dust: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.

Horror: This knife is actually a magic wand.

Cross: Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel.

Killer: *cocks gun* Magic missile.

Error: What the fuck is wrong with you people.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lust: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited

Geno: If?

Sci: Great, the only party I’ve ever been invited to and he might not even die.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lust, holding a python: Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him

Geno: You did WHAT–

Sci: William Snakepeare

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lust: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness.

Geno: Next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex’s house down. You can do it. I believe in you.

Sci: There were so many mixed messages in that I can’t-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lust: I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place.

Geno: You people already know too much about me.

Sci: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lust: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million gold?

Geno: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-ass house.

Sci: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million.

Geno: Good thinking.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lust: 'Person of interest' is almost too flattering.

Lust: Like, if the police were to pound on my door and go, 'A man has been murdered in your building and you are a person of interest,' I'd be like, 'Moi? Oh, do go on.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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threequeensss · 3 years

Text

why taka’s ultimate isn’t useless

spoiler warning for trigger happy havoc and taka’s free time events!

HIHI SORRY FOR THE LONG INTRO SKIP TO THE SECOND PARAGRAPH IF YOU DON’T WANT TO READ IT ,, ok lol so i only make an original post like maybe once a year AT BEST so here we go,, anyway, i’ve seen a lot of posts on tiktok, instagram, etc. saying that taka’s ultimate makes the least sense or that it’s a “useless” ultimate. maybe it’s because he’s my favorite DR character overall (which may be surprising if you don’t know me considering how barren my blog is of taka content), but after thinking about it a lot, i personally disagree with that and here’s why. (side note: i know the original translation of his ultimate is shsl public morals committee member, this is an analysis of his ultimate overall, not just the way the english dub titles it, so it can be applied to any translation :) )

most criticisms i’ve seen surrounding his ultimate is that it’s not a real ultimate or that it doesn’t have any practical use. a moral compass one’s means of distinguishing right from wrong and to follow the morally “right” path. taka is the ultimate moral compass, meaning he quite literally acts as a moral compass, guiding his peers. on the surface level, we see this through him scolding the other students for having dyed hair (leon), heavy makeup (mukuro presenting as junko), or for students sharing a room (aoi and sakura). sure, at first glance, this may seem like a silly or pointless ultimate, but if you talk to taka during free time, it quickly becomes apparent that it’s so much more than monitoring halls and scolding his classmates for acting like teenagers.

let’s talk about why taka behaves the way he does and why his ultimate is, in my opinion, perfect for his character. we can trace this back to his grandfather, a disgraced prime minister of japan and a “genius.” his grandfather abandoned his morals as one of the most influential people in the world, effectively shaming the ishimaru name and sending the family into enormous debt that would haunt them even after the former prime ministers’ death. through the way taka explains it and how upset he gets when a well-meaning makoto calls him a genius, unwittingly implying that taka and his grandfather are similar, it becomes abundantly clear that his grandfather’s scandal tears him up inside every day. he’s ashamed to be related to such a morally questionable individual and wants nothing more than to repair his family’s reputation, to step out of the enormous shadow his grandfather cast.

taka’s way of doing this is for everything about him to be inherently “good,” so that the ishimaru name is no longer associated with scandals and disgrace. this is why he sacrifices any sort of self-indulgence (only wearing his uniform, staying away from popular media, etc.), to remain as seemingly “good” and unquestionably “morally upright” as possible. being a model student and leading the public morals committee are the most immediately accessible ways for him to begin repairing his family’s reputation, alongside guiding his classmates (whether they asked for it or not). this isn’t meant to be a commentary or judgment of the way he interacts with others, but he’s definitely not critical of others just for the sake of it. he genuinely wants to make the world a better place due to his trauma and his own ambitions, which i’m about to delve into next.

ok so. now that i’ve dumped enough info that hopefully explains his personality and motivations, i’m going to talk about why i believe his ultimate is useful and deserves to be recognized as a legitimate ultimate by the fandom. the most obvious cases are when he takes on a self-appointed leadership role at the beginning of the killing game. if i remember correctly (i haven’t played thh in a hot minute), it was taka who had the idea of the morning breakfast meetings, and he was also the first to suggest that everyone announce their secrets at the beginning of chapter 2 to undermine monokuma’s motive. the latter example was unsuccessful given the events that proceeded, but it was him using his ultimate and position as a leader to the best of his ability.

i understand that this next part is debatable as to whether or not it applies to his ultimate since it’s his untapped potential more than anything, but i personally believe it’s a central part of it so,, here we go! i feel like it’s pretty much agreed that despite being “super high school level,” an ultimate shouldn’t be a skill that someone can just drop after graduation. it should be able to be applied to the real world and society as a whole, hence why they’re at hope’s peak academy. it may seem like taka’s ultimate doesn’t hold up in the real world, since he’s the president of a high school club, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. taka already plans to use his ultimate after graduation to become prime minister and establish a meritocracy.

taka has a vision of a society where it’s an equal playing field for everyone so that individuals can build their lives through their own effort, so the history pertaining to his grandfather can’t repeat itself. (this part is meant to analyze taka’s ambitions and the reasoning behind them, not meritocracies as a whole!) he has been so badly burned by immorality and the concept of geniuses (side note. his disdain for geniuses and ambition to create a society without them reminds me SO MUCH of edelgard’s ambitions from fire emblem. anyway sorry abt that) that he has chosen to take it upon himself to one day reinvent society. he wants to use his experiences and sense of justice, or moral compass, to better the lives of other people. if he has proven to effectively use his ultimate within whatever situation he’s in and has a dream pertaining to his ultimate that will take him far beyond his high school years, then i don’t think it’s fair to call it “impractical” or “useless.”

taka’s ultimate title may not have the same immediate wow-factor as the ultimate programmer or ultimate pop sensation, but it’s not meant to, taka regards himself to be an average man ! he acts as a guide for those around him and truly wants to make the world a better place. all of these examples can be traced back to his ultimate, which in my opinion, is SUCH an interesting concept and has too much potential to be called useless.

if you’ve made it this far, tysm and i’m sorry. if anyone has any thoughts at all, please don’t hesitate to share!! i’m the only taka stan i know lol

#kiyotaka ishimaru #ishimaru kiyotaka #danganronpa #danganronpa thh #thh #danganronpa trigger happy havoc #trigger happy havoc #danganronpa 1 #analysis

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kpopimaginings · 3 years

Text

SuJu Reaction: S/O can’t get hold of them and panics

A/N: So, this is my first reaction post, so big thanks to the anon who requested it. I may have got a little carried away, so some of these are kinda long for a reaction, but I was having fun. Hope you all enjoy.

I’m putting this all under a cut because TRIGGER WARNING: depression, suicide, anxiety and panic attacks. I promise they are actually fluffy and cute in the end.

Prologue: Super Junior were incredibly busy preparing for a comeback, and you knew your boyfriend was stressed and drained, worrying about making sure everything was perfect for the fans. The trouble was, you knew all too well how quickly that could lead to conditions like anxiety and depression, and, in the case of your best friend, suicide. You’d lost them when you were a teenager and as hard as you tried to move on the trauma of the loss was still something you caried with you. This is why you found yourself texting your boyfriend regularly, just making sure that he was ok and he and his members were looking after themselves. But when three texts in a row and a phone call went unanswered you found yourself starting to panic and desperately needed some sort of confirmation that he was ok, and most importantly alive.

Leeteuk

When you burst into the studio that evening, Leeteuk was the only one still there, but honestly you were grateful for it. When you saw him you were torn between relief that he was fine and anger over being ignored.

“Where are the others? And more importantly why weren’t you answering me?”

“Hey, babe,” said Leeteuk, looking over to you as you spoke. “I sent them home, we’ve been really busy, I thought they could do with a rest. I’ve just been finishing up, I didn’t mean to ignore you.”

“For once, can you please worry about yourself as much as you do other people? I’ve been going crazy, knowing how stressed you’ve been, knowing you probably aren’t taking proper care of yourself, and then you don’t answer me and… Teuk, anything could have happened to you.”

As you poured out your feelings you felt the tears you’d been fighting back starting to surface and Leeteuk suddenly realised what was happening. You’d opened up to him before about what had happened in your past and he was cursing himself for putting you through this.

“Oh, baby, I’m so sorry,” he said rushing to take you in his arms. “I’m here with you now, see? Everything’s ok. I’m ok.”

He ran a soothing hand through your hair as you tried to calm down. “How about I take you home and we cook a nice nutritional meal together, yeah?”

You nodded, as he cupped your face in his hands and wiped your tears away with his thumbs.

Heechul

The moment you walked into the studio, Heechul appeared by your side, despite the fact that he was definitely meant to be helping with recording.

“Hi, gorgeous,” he greeted, giving you a quick kiss. “Are you ok?”

“I’ve sent you three texts, and tried to call you, and I haven’t heard from you at all,” you told him, stoically.

Heechul’s eyes grew wide as he realised what he’d done.

“No, I’m sorry. I’ve been recording, I should have warned you I wouldn’t be able to reply much today.”

“Heechul!” came a sudden shout from Shindong, “You live with her, you’ll see plenty of her later, we need you!”

“So does Y/n,” Heechul shouted back.

“You are so whipped,” Shindong muttered, before raising his voice again, “You were literally in the middle of something.”

Heechul grabbed your hand and pulled you out of the room, ignoring his members completely.

“What do you need?” he asked you.

You smiled softly. “I needed to know you were ok.”

“I am, I promise.”

“Ok, don’t work too hard,” you smiled, turning to leave.

Heechul caught your hand again before you could get too far away.

“I know you don’t think you’re leaving without kissing me goodbye.”

You rolled your eyes, but gave him a kiss all same.

“Shindong’s right, you are whipped,” you laughed.

“No, I just love you,” Heechul replied. “A lot. Are you sure you’ll be ok?”

“I’m sure, just come straight home when you’re done?”

“Why wouldn’t I if I know you’re there waiting for me?”

Yesung

You and Yesung had always been very open with each other, so you knew how hard he was on himself and he knew what had happened with your friend. This made the fact that you haven’t heard from him even more worrying.

You snuck into their rehearsal space, not wanting to interrupt but needing to see him and know he was ok. Eunhyuk spotted you and nudged his hyung, pointing in your direction.

Yesung ran over to you, giving you a quick peck on the cheek.

“Are you ok?” he asked. “What are you doing here?”

When you told him he’s missed your texts and call, he knew exactly where your mind had gone.

“Oh no, baby, I’m so sorry,” he told you, looking even more distraught than you. “We’ve been so busy and I’m so stressed about all this and I’m just trying to make this comeback the best yet. I’m sorry I’ve been so distracted. I can’t imagine what I’ve put you through.”

Before you knew what was happening, Yesung was crying.

“I just needed to know you were ok,” you told him pulling him into a hug. “I wish you wouldn’t push yourself so hard, then I wouldn’t worry as much. The fans love you no matter what.”

“I know,” he sniffled. “But they’ve supported us for so long now they deserve so much.”

“I guarantee they feel the same way about you, too,” you told him.

At that point Leeteuk came over, Yesung still in your embrace.

“I think you should take him home,” Leeteuk told you.

“I’m fine,” said Yesung, quickly straightening and trying to tidy himself up. “We haven’t finished yet.”

“Well, I’m the leader, and I’ve decided you’ve finished.”

“Thank you,” you told Leeteuk, when Yesung gave up and gathered his things.

“I think you both need it, just relax together,” he advised.

You couldn’t argue with that, as you and your boyfriend headed home for a nice quiet afternoon.

Shindong

You burst into the room where Super Junior were rehearsing to find them all healthy and staring at you.

"Y/n?" said your boyfriend, stepping forward. "What happened? Are you ok?"

"If you could actually answer my texts and calls, I would be," you snapped.

Shindong headed over to his discarded jacket and pulled his phone from the pocket.

“Three missed texts and you’re acting like the worlds going to end?” he quipped, seeing his notifications.

“Mine could!” you shouted.

You thought you'd calm down once you knew he was ok, but his blasé manner was only distressing you more.

“What?” asked Shindong, thoroughly confused.

You grabbed his hand and quickly dragged him away from the rest of group. Once out of their earshot, you began telling him what had happened in your past, and by the end you were sobbing.

“I can’t lose you too,” you cried, and Shindong wrapped you in his embrace.

“Sweetie, I had no idea,” he said, soft boyfriend mode engaged. “I’m so sorry you suffered through that. But thank you for being brave enough to tell me. I can take special care to stay in touch now, alright?”

“Thank you,” you told him sniffing as the tears started to die down. "I just worry. You get so stressed trying to make everything perfect, and I don't want it to all get too much for you."

"I promise I will never get that stressed," he assured you, still holding you tight. "Especially knowing I have you looking out for me."

Eunhyuk

When you walked into the dance studio and saw Eunhyuk alive and well, you breathed a sigh of relief. Knowing that he knew about your past, you knew he’d have a good excuse.

Once he’d finished talking to the guys, he jogged over to you.

“Hey, jagi,” he greeted. “What are you doing here?”

“You weren’t replying to me,” you told him. “I had to make sure you were ok.”

His face fell, realising what your words implied. He tried not to make too big of a deal or overreact because he knew you wouldn’t want to make a scene. It was a private matter and not something the other guys needed to be privy to.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I’ve been trying to help Leeteuk keep an eye on everyone and get the dance moves down. You know how much Leeteuk stresses.”

You smiled. “I know. But I know you’ve been stressed too. Don’t overdo it, please. I quite like having you for a boyfriend.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere,” he told you with a hug. “Now why don’t you go home, and I’ll come by after practice and you can help me destress,” he winked.

You rolled your eyes. “It’s a good job I love you, Lee Hyukjae.”

“I’m a lucky man,” he replied, giving you a quick kiss, before returning to his work.

Donghae

You marched into the studio and straight up to your boyfriend.

“Have you not checked your phone?” you asked immediately, not even saying hello first.

As much as you were pleased to find him ok, you were a little annoyed to find him laughing and joking with his members, instead of actually working. You would have been more understanding if he’d not seen your call because he was busy preparing for the comeback.

“Yes, why?” he asked. Knowing full well that he had three texts and a missed call from you.

“I’ve been trying to get hold of you.”

“I know.”

You snapped at that point. “You know? What do you mean you know? If you know you should answer! Or is this your way of trying to dump me, because I swear Donghae, if you knew… What if…” you trailed off as your anger gave way to tears and Donghae quickly wrapped his arms around you to comfort you.

“It was a prank,” he told you. “I wanted to see how you’d react. I didn’t expect it to end like this.”

“I thought you’d died,” you squeaked.

“What?” he asked in surprise. “Why would you think that? What’s going on?”

You shook your head.

“Babe, I’m sorry that I’ve upset you it was never my intention. But I need you to tell me what’s wrong so that I can fix it and make sure it never happens again.”

You gestured to the rest of the guys, some of whom were clearly listening in, and Donghae got your meaning, pulling you out of the room. Once free from his nosy members, he gave you an expectant look.

You quickly recounted the bare minimum of what he needed to know.

“I never meant to scare you,” he said softly.

“I know, I’m sorry I yelled.”

“No it’s fine, of course you shouted at me. I promise it won’t happen again. There may be a delay in my replying if I’m halfway through something, but I won’t knowingly ignore you.”

“Thank you for understanding,” you told him, before he pulled you in for another hug.

Siwon

When you finally tracked Siwon down you found him talking to someone on his phone. You walked over to him and weakly slapped his arm.

“I’ve got to go, thank you so much,” he said to whoever was on the other end of the phone before hanging up. “Babe, what’s wrong?”

“You’re on your phone,” you pointed out in a more aggressive tone than you had intended.

“Yes, I was,” Siwon confirmed, very confused.

“So, you’ve seen my messages and you’re just choosing to ignore me?”

“No, no, I’m not ignoring you, I’m just… busy.”

“Not too busy to take other people’s calls.”

“I was busy because I was making the call,” he tried to explain. “I didn’t realise you needed an urgent reply. Is there something else going on?”

Having seen your texts, Siwon had assumed you were just checking in and couldn’t work out why it was such a big deal that he hadn’t replied straight away.

“No, you first, what are you hiding?” you asked, crossing your arms defensively.

Siwon hesitated, making it clear there was something he wasn’t telling you. “I’m actually planning a surprise for you,” he admitted with a sigh. “I realise being an idol in the middle of a comeback makes me a rather lousy boyfriend and I wanted to make up for it.”

“Oh,” you said softly. “I’m not good with surprises,” you mumbled.

Siwon just stepped closer to you, seeing that you had now calmed down. “It’s not going to be anything over the top, and it only involves the two of us. I know you aren’t a big fan of too much attention,” he explained. “Now, can you tell me why you were so upset?” he asked you, gently rubbing his thumb along your cheekbone.

You nodded and quickly explained that you had panicked and why. “Can you tell me what you are planning?” you added with a slight pout.

Siwon sighed. “Will it make you feel better?”

“Yes,” you nodded.

“Tomorrow evening, I’m taking you out to dinner,” he told you. “I’ve bought out the whole restaurant for the night, so it will literally be just us. It’s an excuse to get a bit dressed up, which we haven’t done for a while, and you won’t have to worry about staring.”

With a small smile, you looked up at him with tears forming in your eyes. “That’s a really lovely surprise,” you told him.

He pulled you into his arms, holding you tight. “You’re really special to me, and I want you to know that. Whenever I picture a future, you’re in it, so I’m really pleased you’ve opened up to me today. Now I can make sure not to worry you again.”

Ryeowook

When you arrived at the practice room, hoping you’d find you boyfriend well and rehearsing, even though you worried you wouldn’t, your worry just took on a whole new form.

Ryeowook was sat watching the rehearsal with his leg raised and an ice pack on his ankle. Completely forgetting that you were probably interrupting you rushed over to him.

“Wook, what happened?”

“Hey,” he said in a surprised tone when he noticed you. “I just twisted my ankle while dancing. What are you doing here?”

“I’ve been trying to get hold of you. You weren’t answering so I panicked,” you told him.

He knew what you meant straight away.

“Ah, my phone is over there with all my stuff,” he said pointing. “I’m not ignoring you, I always try to respond, and I’m sorry I couldn’t get to my phone.”

“I know, it’s ok, you’re injured,” you assured him. “At least my panic wasn’t totally uncalled for though.”

He smiled at you in a comforting manner before turning to his members.

“Guys, do we think y/n could stay with me while I watch the choreography?” he asked.

“That’s not a bad idea,” agreed Leeteuk. “Stops me worrying about you as much.”

You laughed slightly, before quickly pulling another chair over to where your boyfriend was sat and taking his hand in yours.

“And now you’ll worry less because you know I’m right here,” he said, giving your hand a squeeze.

“Thank you,” you said softly, pleased your boyfriend could support you through moments like this.

“You’re welcome,” he replied. “And thank you for caring enough about me to worry.”

Kyuhyun

You had assumed the guys were doing dance rehearsals, so when you arrived at their usual studio only to find it empty, your panic increased. You pulled out your phone, trying Kyuhyun again. You cursed multiple time times listening to the ring before hanging up at his voicemail message.

Out of desperation you pulled up your contacts to call one of the other guys, which ended up being Donghae.

“Y/n?” he answered immediately.

“Thank god,” you sighed in relief at managing to get hold of someone. “Is Kyuhyun with you?”

Donghae laughed slightly, “Yeah, has the idiot not taken his phone off silent?”

“I can’t get hold of him.”

Donghae quickly passed his phone to Kyuhyun, sensing you weren’t in the mood for a general chat with him.

“Kyuhyun! I have been trying to get hold of you all morning. What the hell is going on?” you yelled as soon as you heard him on the other end.

“Calm down, we’ve been in meetings all morning, so my phones been on silent, and now we’re grabbing lunch before a quick practice and then schedules,” he explained. “What’s so important?”

“Nothing. I mean, it’s not- I-,” you could feel yourself suddenly struggling for breath.

“Ok, it’s clearly not nothing,” your boyfriend said, recognising the signs of your panic attack even over the phone. “Where are you?”

“Dance studio,” you just about managed to tell him.

“I’m only two roads over, I’ll be right there, just keep breathing.”

With that Kyuhyun hung up, giving Donghae his phone back and rushing out of the restaurant.

By the time he reached you you had calmed down slightly, just telling yourself over and over that he was fine, and he was alive.

“Can I touch you?” he asked, as soon as he reached you, knowing that physical contact didn’t always help when you were in this state.

You nodded giving him permission to pull you into a tight hug.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t get your messages. Do you want to tell me brought this on?”

“I thought,” your voice shook as you spoke. “I thought, maybe, I’d lost you.”

“Lost me?” he asked.

You did your best to recount losing your best friend and Kyuhyun just held you tighter.

“I wish you’d told me sooner,” he sighed. “We’ve all lost people, I understand.”

After a moments silence between you, he spoke again. “Are you hungry?”

You nodded.

“I didn’t finish my meal either,” he told you. “Let’s go eat together, and I’ll let Leeteuk know I’ll catch up with them at schedules.”

“No, you can’t. Your work,” you protested.

“Right now, you are more important than practice. I’ve done the important boring meetings, and I’ll be there later for the recordings, they can rehearsals do without me for a couple of hours.”

You finally smiled then, holding him a little tighter, before pulling away and letting him lead you to your favourite restaurant for lunch.

NAVIGATION | SUPER JUNIOR MASTERLIST

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