#survivor of attempted suicide

[lazykebabvagina]

So... I'm entering 2024 alive. Who would've thought

#mental illness #suicide attempt survivor #survivor #depression #mental health #autism #mental health matters #proud of me #recovery #it gets better #positivity #2024 #2023

[winepresswrath]

genuinely confused when people don't think harrow is as obsessed with gideon as gideon is with harrow. she didn't spend a lifetime torturing the bae because she needed to be seen by her and hated by someone (the only person who matters) for this.

#lobitomized harrow: i don't know anything but i know one time someone hated me and they were right to so i tried to die about it #gideon!!! the lone survivor of her birth gideon! who she uses as an instrument of her self loathing #the only other girl in the world #we open on her sabotaging yet another escape attempt #because she owns her and #she can't let her go!!!!! #to say nothing of the dulcie incident #like yes 100% true that there were practical reasons she lost her shit about it a little #but come on she was soooo pathetic about gideon telling her to release her from her service it was very funny #anyway. #cw: suicide

[yuurionviktor]

Feeling warmth of the sun for the first time

Also this is a slight reference to my absolute favorite painting by Vasily Golubev (I even made a text version for Harrow)

(Text on the picture says «Хорошо, что вчера не повесился!» which means «Good thing I didn’t hang myself yesterday!»)

I really wish Harrow got to feel hopeful at least for a while

#the locked tomb #harrowhark nonagesimus #harrow the ninth #harrow the 9th #gideon the ninth #tlt #this is LITERALLY my all time favorite painting #like it altered my brain chemistry unironically bc it’s so HOPEFUL #and at the same time so down to earth #like you know how suicide survivors say they realize what’s important in life after the unsuccessful attempt? #and how small some problems are compared to the gift of life? #and how you should cherish every small moment (like the one depicted where sun is warm on your face) #(in the first days of spring after winter aka The Rough Patch) #that’s what it did for me #things ive made #fanart #it’s also my twt handle for the personal acc

[weirdstrangeandawful]

TW: suicide, trauma, survivors guilt

I feel like suicide attempt trauma is an underused concept in whump. I get it's dark but so many other things are too?

Give me more whumpees who tried to escape through death only to be haunted by that attempt after they make a proper escape.

Whumpees with survivors guilt after losing their friends but surviving their own attempt.

Whumpees who don't tell anyone about their trauma because they survived, didn't they?

#whump #whump prompt #suicide #attempted suicide #trauma #survivor's guilt

[willows-woes]

surviving suicide feels like it leaves a deep wound inside you. you feel guilty for breathing, having a heartbeat. your blood isn't your own anymore. you feel like you really, really should have died. and everyone thinks you're better. but you're not, not really anyway.

deep down, you feel like you truly did die on that day. and nothing is real anymore. like you're just a ghost and nobody knows it yet. but your corpse is rotting somewhere.

tw // graphic descriptions of hanging

your body is hanging from the ceiling. your neck is being strangled by that godawful wire. you're limp and deceased. the door is locked. nobody has found you, and you're not sure if you've found yourself.

#vent #mentally fucked #mental illness #suicide attempt survivor #suicide survivor #i want to die #trauma #traumatised #actually traumatized #<< i want attention thats why all the tags are here. gimme notes

[flirts-with-dragons]

Things on tumblr I'm tired of as a severely mentally ill person:

- people saying "kys" to other people

- untagged triggers, or triggers tagged with a censor/uncommon variation

- nondisordered people forcing themselves into disordered communities

- being unable to block ads that trigger me

- still being able to see posts that I've tag filtered or from a person I've blocked

#mental illness #severe mental illness #schizophrenic #actually mentally ill #actually cluster b #actually schizospec #schizospec #cluster b pds #psychotic #psychosis #borderline #dissociative amnesia #suicide attempt survivor #psych ward survivor #abuse victim #abuse survivor #cptsd #complex ptsd #childhood trauma #tumblr problems #tumblr discourse #sanism #sanist

[pansyfemme]

im not sure if this is funny to joke about for anyone but me but i found funeral plans for myself in one of my sketchbooks from when i was 11ish and like. man im glad im still here bc my playlist fucking sucked

#literally just like fountains of wayne #like imagine going to a funeral and theyre just playing stacys mom #suicide tw #suicide mention #ask to tag #my life as a survivor of a few attempts is just being like ‘can u fucking imagine if i did it before i was even any good at art’ #like im glad im still here for many reasons but mostly bc im good at art now id hate for ppl to show my art post mortem and it sucked that #bad…

[arawnsworn0vate0poc]

I genuinely cannot describe the anticipation for my shipment of my medicine to arrive. I feel as if for the past few months to after I was a senior in high school that I've has this stereotypical weight on my chest. Like...I Am not only completely capable of going to the grocery store, speaking to co-workers, and paying bills. Attending college on top of that plus deity worship though study and consistent prayer has been a complete fucking nightmare of literal divine intervention.

Maybe I'll never have a 'normal' brain structure, and my reproductive organs hate me. I can afford a few hundred to do this. I kicked and screamed, petitioned, and job hunted for this. I can and I will function danm it!!!

#celtic polytheism #druidtherian #druidry #polytheism #druidism #welsh polytheism #mental health #living with pmdd #sertaline #spoon theory #suicide attempt survivor

[wildelydawn]

The way some of people talk about Ray just tells me they’ve never dealt with being suicidal or surviving a suicide attempt.

#I said what I said #Dawn watches OF #Of course he’s going to be borderline obsessed with Mew #Mew was on the phone when Ray made the attempt and then immediately went to Ray #Ray can’t help but think Mew is his savior or his reason to keep going #This is all further compounded by the fact that Ray loves mew romantically too #Suicidal people are not always thinking rationally either #Anyways #its fine #We not putting tags on this because again I’m biased since I’m a survivor of a suicide attempt #TW: Suicide

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

reading another story on Live Through This (fantastic website, I read one every so often when I'm particularly down) and I clicked one at random (usually I filter for Christian specifically) and it was really really good?? very comforting and uplifting and all that. dude's name was Jack something iirc

#tw suicide #<- it's a website about suicide attempt survivors #personal

[vizthedatum]

Happy belated birthday to my one and only sibling.

He turned 25 yesterday, and when he woke up yesterday, I had a long chat with him when I was doing my inner rage makeup lol. He’s literally the love of my life. I love him so much.

I’ve learned some hard lessons while loving my brother.

We are eight years apart in age, and I was so excited to be his “Didi” (big sister in Bengali) when he was born (and now I have him call me his “Dada” (big brother - and while I’m not completely a man either, I love that I get to explore masculinity in this way with him) - he’s been so accepting of my gender journey).

But we had a really rough childhood.

For most of my life, I wanted to protect him. He COULD NOT go through what I did. I refused. I would rather beat him than my parents (and I did a couple times - it was misguided and encouraged. I was violent when I was a child in ways that were socially acceptable to our family at the time.). He had very little physical abuse from them. Unfortunately he had a lot of emotional abuse. Something that both of us were taught to just take and swallow as normal. I do not fucking care if it’s “culture” - it was abuse.He had a lot of high expectations put on him, but he had a lot of developmental trauma. My parents wanted things to be “normal” but he couldn’t behaviorally mask like I could. He barely could make friends or be social from a very young age. It was very hard for him to talk to people outside of me. He couldn’t speak his truth. It hurt to see him silenced by society… silenced by our family… and silenced by himself.

And when he was in middle school… that’s when he couldn’t suppress his tics, compulsions, obsessions, and severe depressive and delusional episodes.

It was horrible. I have lost count of the hospitalizations, the attempts, the phone calls (everyday) and visits pleading with him, the “fixing” that I did, the “he’s not doing his tics to annoy you” conversations with my father, the “stop telling him to get over it and be happy” conversations with my mother….

I wanted to keep him alive at any cost. And I did at great expense to my own health. We have since worked on our mutual codependence to save our relationship.

I honestly thought I’d lose him by now. I really did. You have no idea how deep and varied my grief in this life goes.

As he said in his birthday post, last year was the first year since 2012 that he has not had a psychiatric hospitalization. He is living independently now. He still has issues with our parents but family/love/trauma/this life… is very hard.

I am so hopeful and I am SO PROUD OF HIM.

I am proud of you even when you feel like you’re at your worst.

I love him. He’s a wonderful writer, he’s so nerdy about his fandoms, he loves his dog Candy, he’s incredibly creative, he’s got a great laugh, he’s curious about the world, he’s a good friend, he’s empathic (maybe too much) and caring… he’s my everything. We have had countless fights and so many reconciliations. And life is still tough.

I was honored to help you move out last Fall, despite what I was going through. I would do it again and again and again.

I love you. 💕

#healing #trauma #neurodivergence #abuse #childhood abuse #survivor #suicide #suicide attempts #birthday #milestones #love #harm #heartbreak #domestic violence #life #emotional abuse

[wildflowersnweed]

Is there a way to become, un-disabled?

Is there a way to be free from the trauma repeating daily in my head?

Is there a way to escape the physical symptoms of severe anxiety, panic attacks, flashbacks, and the constant fear & nervousness?

Is there a way to stop it all?

Will I be on these meds my entire life?

Sometimes I just sit and wonder if I’ll ever truly feel…free.

#personal #mine #me #lgbtq #bi #mumblr #mental health #chronic illness #disabled #disabilties #disability #invisible disability #ptsd vent #ptsd thoughts #ptsdlife #bpd vent #living with bpd #trauma survivor #suicide attempt survivor

[darkness-compelled]

I'm decorating for my 420 party, cutting out weed leaf shapes and just kind of letting myself feel like a kid again.

Time for another trauma dump. Trigger warning for suicide attempt, hospital, drug and alcohol abuse.

May is the anniversary of my suicide attempt from 2011. I had just filled my Zoloft prescription and I took the whole bottle and a bunch of sleeping pills and some tequila.

I remember destroying my home and my partner begging me to throw up. She called 911. I don't remember anything after that until like the next day I think. I lost a lot of time.

But I remember waking up and being asked if I was glad I lived and saying no. I remember one really kind nurse guy and a shitty asshole nurse. It was like an angel on one shoulder and a demon on the other.

I couldn't walk and I was hallucinating. They used a catheter on me. It was humiliating.

I was under suicide watch. I couldn't even get up. But ok I guess.

The pills disrupted my heartbeat. It was all wonky and irregular. For years I couldn't go to concerts and even still loud bass I can feel in my heart sends me into a panic.

And all I can think about is the bad stuff. Just wait until you hear how my virginity was stolen from me. Next on, wtf how is this my life?

#personal #mental illness #mental health #suicide #suicide attempt #depression #suicide survivor #bipolar #cptsd #adhd #how am i supposed to just live a normal life after this shit #i am made of pain #i identify as trauma

[willows-woes]

it's a fucked up survivors guilt. you're grieving yourself. you're angry at yourself. you should die. you're alive. you're dead. it's happening all at once and it's hard to explain.

#suicide attempt survivor #cw suicide discussion

[simplysummers]

.

#tw sui attempt #this is about to get real ranty and I’ll probably end up deleting this later but I’m really upset #so yesterday my stepdad and i got into an argument because he yelled at me on the stairs because he playfully went to push by me and I #replied completely neutrally with ‘I’m sorry I’m not really in the mood can I get by?’ #he proceeded to shove me and scream about how moody I always am and how I’m the one bringing animosity into the household. he has a habit #this. i got very upset to a point where my older brother had to calm me down outside. he ended up going out and I calmed down #my stepdad has an awful habit of being very rude to people including me both my brothers and even my mom #and I’ve finally snapped. I’m not putting up with it anymore #he is one of the key reasons for my extreme self criticism and I’m not dealing with it now #I’m almost 19 years old. i will not be spoken to like this. #and so today he’s come into my room demanding an apology from me. and I very calmly explained that while I wasn’t going to ruin my moms #birthday (which is on Friday) that we would not be on speaking terms before and after the event until he can admit how he’s treating me is #out of order. he constantly deflects whenever he does something wrong and he can never swallow his pride and apologise #there was an incident in November where he told me it was my fault my mother had anxiety and if she got worse he would blame it on me #because I was ‘crazy’. that same day I left my house and headed straight for our overpass because I couldn’t handle the guilt #i was talked out of it by my bio dad who I called on the phone. he picked me up and held me close and my eyes are welling with tears just #thinking about it. it was a terrifying experience as a suicide survivor from last February #am I out of order for this? wanting respect from the man who has been in my life since I was 3. who is married to my mom who I love with my #whole heart? i keep claiming to not be perfect. I’m my own worst critic and yet he parades himself as the victim because I’m finally #standing up to him #and Idk where to go from here

[raininyourbedroom]

My husband says he's gonna need to give ttpd some time before he can actually sit through and listen to it 🥲

#he has a right to tho bc he has a matty-esque ex and listening to ttpd is making him v sad #and not to overshare for my husband #but uh #that relationship has made him today the survivor of a suicide attempt #he LOVES Florida!!! waolom and so high school tho