#tbh was confused when you sent this lol smh

[mrskodzuken]

power hug

*blinks twice* eh? Uh... mhm...

#ily baby meg UwU💞💞💞💞😘 #🐱saku.ask #🐱moot.mjoork #tbh was confused when you sent this lol smh

[mmilkbreadd]

Request: congrats on 300!! can i req atsumu + S and kuroo + N?

Note: Hii, thanks for requesting! This is an Atsumu Miya stan account so every request involving him is more than welcome! (Kuroo too ofc)

Masterlist.

Miya Atsumu + S (Serenade)

Words: 0.4k

This man,,, is very dumb. 

He forgot, FORGOT, your fifth anniversary.

You had prepared a huge dinner with candles and flowers when he wasn’t home.

You bought balloons, put on some music, and dress very elegantly for the occasion.

And when he arrived he was so confused.

“Happy… birthday?” he said while laying his bag on the floor.

“Are you kidding ‘tsumu?” 

“I sure hope not…”

When I tell you you SCREAMED.

And Miya was still like ???

You started crying and saying gibberish, then stormed out of the house while Atsumu ran after you.

He was crying even more than you tbh.

But he didn’t even know why!!!

When he arrived home he realized there was a big balloon with a 5 shape.

And he finally realized.

God, it took him thirty minutes to know what the hell was going on.

And he cried. Like for three hours straight.

So a few days after the anniversary fiasco, you decided it was time to go back home and grab a couple of your things.

You hadn’t broken up yet.

But you were staying at your friend’s house so you needed clothes and some other stuff.

The most reasonable thing to do was go back to your house and pray for Atsumu to not be there.

You were so wrong smh.

When you opened the door of your apartment, you noticed all the lights were off.

And suddenly, a guitar started playing.

It wasn’t a very pleasing sound tho.

You quickly turned on the lights and saw Atsumu on one knee with a guitar in his hands.

He played while staring at the strings, glancing at you from time to time.

You held back a laugh. He really sucked.

But then, you had to put a hand up to your mouth to stop you from laughing:

Atsumu started singing.

“Ooooh, y/n~ I’m an idiot.”

‘Just breath, y/n, don’t laugh. DON’T LAUGH!’ you thought.

“Ooooh y/n~ I forgot our anniversary but I still love you so please don’t leave meeeeeee”

But this time you couldn't hold it as you started cracking up very loud.

So Atsumu stopped playing and singing and looked at you with a smile.

“Do you forgive me? Or do you want me to keep singing?”

You would rather die than hear him sing again so you forgive him.

But as I said, this man is dumb.

And one year later, on your sixth anniversary, he forgot once again.

So the story repeated itself, but with the whole team joining him this time.

Once again, it sucked.

But you filmed it and sent it to everyone you knew.

Happy ending, I guess…

Kuroo Tetsurō + N (Night)

Words: 0.3k

Kuroo felt like he owned the world when he was beside you.

And he was bored very easily when he was without you.

So one night he was, you know, bored while watching a rom-com.

And said, “I have nothing better to do so I’ll go to my partner’s house and annoy them.”

Imagine that but at midnight.

Just like a cliché romantic movie.

Like the one he was watching before.

At that time you were peacefully sleeping in your comfortable bed

But then you started hearing how something was hitting your window.

So now you were awake. And angry. VERY angry.

You walked towards your window and glanced to see what, or who was making that noise.

And of course, it was your annoying boyfriend.

Throwing rocks at your window.

At midnight!

You furiously opened it and stuck your head out.

Only for a rock to hit you in the head.

“Oh my god, y/n! I’m sorry” he whispered loudly enough for you to hear.

But laughed afterward.

“Kuroo, you idiot! What the hell are you doing here?!”

You then rubbed your forehead, where the rock hit you before.

“I want to do the tunnel scene.”

‘The tunnel scene…?’ you thought.

You were so confused lmao

So you just went down and met your boyfriend to see what he meant.

You got in the car and he started driving through Tokyo city.

Music was with you the entire ride.

Lights shined in the driveway, Kuroo grabbing your hand while driving.

And when you finally arrived at the infamous ‘tunnel’, Kuroo turned on the volume.

To maximum capacity.

So then, with the windows wide open, you started singing to the top of your lungs.

The music rumbled off the walls, and the cars passed by making no sound.

You stared at your companion, understanding what the ‘tunnel scene’ meant.

He just wanted a cliché movie-like night with his partner.

And he finally had one.

But he didn’t imagine the bruise on your forehead tho.

So there you were: Kuroo, you, and your bruise.

Doing the ‘tunnel scene’.

It was a very romantic night.

Until you arrived at your house and your parents wanted to kill you.

But you don’t talk about that to other people lol

#atsumu x reader #atsumu #miya atsumu #kuroo #Kuroo tetsuro #kuroo x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu!! #haikyuu x reader #hq boys #event #hq x reader #hqhangoutnet

[cotccotc]

┈┈ 𝐬𝐤𝐳 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐬/𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐜 *:･ﾟ

✩ ot8 reaction headcannon, 2.5k words (eek sorry)

✩ genre/s: **fluff**, humor, established relationship, ot8 x gender neutral!reader

✩ warning/s: MOBILE TUMBLR HATES ME (some gifs & author’s note might not appear),,,, my terrible sense of humor/commentary, a couple of them are suggestive if you  s q u i n t

✩ a/n: idk if the concept makes any sense but it does in my mind \_( ‘-’ )_/ also seungmin’s part is the exact same kinda similar to a brief scenario in my txt soobin “brightest blue” fic... but it’s fineee. also i’m sorry that some are longer than others! enjoy :))

chan:

chan is definitely extremely interested in the music you listen to.

in fact, sometimes he’d probably insist that you show him your current playlist from start to finish lol.

i can imagine y’all hanging out at the dorms, maybe even mid-cuddle, listening to some of your recent favorites.

but there’s this ONE SONG--

your absolute JAM

you get up from your seat or the bed and start completely jamming out.

he stays where he is so he can watch you have the time of your life.

i guess nobody told him you’re a professional lip syncer… awk...

you grab a hairbrush and hold it up like it’s a microphone.

honestly you’re thriving,,

he’s kinda stunned. not in a bad way, but he’s just so mezmorized by how cute (and maybe a lil sexy) you are when you dance like no one’s watching.

there’s a particularly awesome beat drop toward the end of the song, which leads you to do some equally awesome head banging.

he’s cackling at this point, which drives you to act even sillier.

*ending pose*

once the song ends and you’re trying to catch your breath, he slowly starts clapping for you.

“the song was great, but the performance was even better,” he’d say, coming off a bit sarcastic. but he means well!

you start to get a bit self-conscious and shy as you put yourself together again.

he’ll try to comfort you, standing up to wrap you in a hug.

“don’t be embarrassed!” (cue soft chan),

“baby that was awesome”,

“you should join a rock band!”, etc.

overall, he’d love it when you share your music taste, and this event will probably set off a chain reaction of similar jam sessions in the future.

minho:

ok so we all know minho’s a cat person, blah blah blah...

but what if you got super excited about a really cute dog?

let’s say you’re on a walk at a park, holding hands, and talking.

all of a sudden you see someone walking their dog…

and when i tell you this is the cutest, tiniest dog on the face of the earth,,,

you immediately stop walking and squeeze minho’s hand. you point to the dog and start freaking out because it’s so cute.

he’d say something silly like, “what are you talking about? it looks like a rat.”

you disregard it because you’re just so excited about this puppy!

“can we pet it?” you ask.

“... fine” he replies, smiling at you, despite his attempts to act uninterested.

y’all go over to the woman walking her dog and ask if you can pet the puppy. when she says you can pet him, you immediately sit on the ground, ready to have the best puppy playdate of your life.

minho’s still standing, watching you with loving eyes.

of course, you start talking to the puppy as if he’s a baby. minho laughs, trying to stifle all the uwus emanating from his heart

the puppy climbs onto your lap and licks your face just a little bit.

you look up at minho with wide eyes, saying “awww, isn’t he so cute!”

he’d playfully roll his eyes because why would he cheat on cats like that…

then you tug on his hand, motioning for him to sit with you. he does, reluctantly.

you place the puppy on his lap to see what happens.

the dog loves him! (of course, because what living thing wouldn’t love lee minho?)

the puppy is licking minho all over as he makes faces of disgust and struggles to pull him away.

you laugh out loud, happier than ever at the two very good boys in front of you.

he smiles again, completely endeared with your excitement despite being covered in puppy spit...

so, it doesn’t matter what kinds of animals you two prefer, since you’re the cutest thing he’s ever seen. (aww)

changbin:

i feel like changbin is the type to not be ashamed of/shy about showing you the songs he’s writing.

...except for right now.

he just got home from the studio, dropping his bag onto a table… but some papers fall out.

you attempt to grab the papers, but changbin stops you and grabs them himself instead with a subtle hint of nervousness.

pretty suspicious if you ask me.

“what’s up?” you ask, a bit confused about what just happened.

he’d try to play it off like nothing suspicious was going on, but you know his poker face.

it’s too cute not to notice.

he likes to play all tough but you (and everyone else tbh) know him better than that.

you go to grab the papers, but he steps away. you try again… and again, and again, and again.

you become increasingly more frustrated and impatient with each attempt, until changbin holds them up high in the air where you can’t reach them. he has a look on his face that says ‘haha! gotcha!’

you’ve never done this much jumping in your life.

but you’re not a quitter.

“okay… i give up,” you say, returning to a stationary position and placing your arms around his neck.

however, just as he lowers his hands to your waist, you snatch the papers!

“AHA!” you exclaim.

all he can say is “damn it!” as you scramble to the couch with the papers in your hand. you sit facing away from him, attempting to speed-read the lyrics sprawled across the pages.

he follows you to the couch, trying to take the papers back from behind.

“binnie, these are so good!!”

“thanks… but were they worth betraying your innocent boyfriend?”

“yes. every word.” you finally hand him back the papers with a smirk.

he’d curse under his breath, ditching the papers in favor of tickling you instead.

what a terrible punishment!

hyunjin:

we all know hyunjin is a drama queen,,

you can be a bit of a dramatic person yourself (who isn’t?).

so when you lose your favorite sweater, you’re immediately going on a wild goose chase around the dorms, because that’s where you had it last.

you’re practically talking to yourself. double checking everywhere you’d been. retracing your steps like a mad person.

you need this sweater!!

you let out a little “urgh!” as you begin getting frustrated.

hyunjin would ask what’s wrong, and when you tell him, he’d GASP.

he’d be like:

“have you checked under the bed?”

“the couch?”

“what about over here?”

“over there?”

this boy will not REST until the sweater is back in your possession, wasting no time in matching your level of concern/dramatics...

… if not exceeding it.

y’all have practically torn the whole room apart at this point.

until finally, you find it in a random drawer (of course smh)

“I FOUND IT!” you’d exclaim, flopping onto the bed and putting the sweater on,

to which you’d receive a “YAY!” in return

tired and leaning against a wall, he’d say something like, “thank GOD! now, why do you need it so bad?”

and you’d simply and softly respond, “... i got chilly~”

he wouldn’t give a verbal response, but his face would go from relaxed to ‘bruh’.

you knew he’d be shocked at your statement, but you choose to tease him instead with a smile.

he would then opt to tackle you in the bed, fumbling with the covers and vowing to make you as warm as humanly possible.

jisung:

jisung definitely loves showing you the music he’s been working on, just like changbin.

except… this time, the lyrics aren’t necessarily what you’re used to hearing.

you can tell jisung’s a bit nervous as he presses play, choosing to keep his eyes on the floor as he nods his head to the rap.

you’re listening intently, as curious and excited as you are every other time…

but then you realize that it’s about you……

the lyrics talk about letting someone into his life and his longing to be even closer to that person than he is now.

therefore,,,,   u w u

you giggle, which prompts him to look up at you almost immediately with anticipation about your reaction.

you decide to wait until the end of the song to react, but you can already feel the excitement bubbling up inside of you.

the song ends, and you’re sitting in silence alongside jisung. “so… what did you think?”

“well… i think…” you trail off, looking into jisung’s eyes.

with a bit of a squeal you leap up from your seat and essentially attack him.

you straddle his legs (don’t get any *ideas* this is FLUFF for goodness sake) and wrap your arms around his neck, locking him into a big hug.

“i love it, baby. so, so, so, much,” you respond quickly and genuinely.

he laughs, his arms wrapping around you.

he’d probably remark, “you scared me for a second!”

you laugh in response, apologizing for your delayed reaction.

deep down, he’d feel so relieved that you liked the song and its sentiment.

he’d also be so happy to have you, his overexcited sweetheart, in his arms.

however, at the surface, he’d prefer to tease you. “next time, don’t make me wait so long!”

felix:

ok so y’all send memes and tik toks back and forth all day every day. it’s just protocal.

also,,, you could literally be in the same room, and he’d still just start sending you tik toks he’d saved just to send to you and see your reaction.

but there’s this   o n e

you can’t quite explain why but when you watch the tik tok that your boyfriend sent you from across the couch, you laugh harder than you’ve ever laughed before.

whatever humor you may have, this tik tok completely encompasses it in a beautiful, stupid way.

before you know it, you begin cackling.

felix knows that you’ve always been a bit embarrassed of your laugh (who isn’t, right?), so when you start letting loose he’s a bit caught off guard.

still, he joins in (at a smaller scale, of couse).

he always wants to see you happy, but this is a whole new level of cuteness in his eyes.

your laughter subsides a bit...

until you decide to watch the tik tok again.

believe it or not, it’s even funnier the second time!

you double over, laughing so hard that no sound is even coming out of your mouth.

“are you okay?!” he’d ask, laughing harder now at your actions.

he’d put his arms around you so he could hold you up.

you’d mouth out a “no” in response.

there are practically tears forming at the corners of your eyes.

he’d continue looking down at you with a beaming smile, holding you up until your laughter comes to a full stop.

“was it really that funny? i can’t even make you laugh like this.”

you’re almost dazed, your stomach hurting (in the best way possible). you try to steady your breathing.

after a few seconds of recovery, he’d whisper in your ear with a deep, silly voice...

“...wanna watch it again?”

it’s safe to say you won’t fully recover for a while.

seungmin:

on days off, you watch dramas with seungmin to take both of your minds off of work/school/whatever’s been keeping you busy.

however… of course you can’t go a whole episode without laughing hysterically, and it’s all because of seungmin.

it could be the most dramatic, intense, or heartbreaking scene in the show but he would make it into a full blown impersonation comedy routine.

ESPECIALLY if the drama is in a foreign language.

this boy will reinact all of the subs in the stupidest way possible.

but, today he’s a bit exhausted, snuggling up against you and not saying much.

our boys work too hard :((   (but wbk)

...so you decide to take his place.

you start off kind of hesitantly, waiting to see if he’d even react. when the main characters start to have an argument, you begin reading the subtitles in a silly voice.

you hear a soft giggle from your boyfriend has be tightens his arm’s grip around your waist.

you begin to use different voices for each of the two characters, alternating between a nasly, high pitched one and a lower one with voice cracks. this makes seungmin laugh harder, going from a giggle to his usual open-mouthed chuckle.

he’s so cute >_< ,,anyways…

as the scene intensifies, so does the volume of your impersonations.

“yOu’Ve bEtRaYeD mE!”

“BuT yOu LiEd tO mE!”

at this point seungmin is cackling despite his heavy eyes and unwillingness to move. he’d be so caught up in your routine that he’d forget he was even tired.

you look up at him to see that big smile and those sparkly eyes you love so much, which motivates you to be even goofier!

you sit up, leaving seungmin’s grasp. you begin making hand gestures to match your overdramatic tone.

the scene comes to a climax, in which you recite the final line with more ferver and fake passion than ever before. you finish it off with a fist in the air for ~emphasis~.

as you hold this pose, you hear your loyal audience member begin to cheer for you. he claps, whisper-shouting “ahh” to create fake crowd noises.

“what a show!” he would commend you with an expression of sarcastic awe on his face.

you’re really glad you decided to cheer him up…

but not nearly as glad as he is to have you with him on a day like this.

jeongin:

jeongin’s smile could literally melt anyone’s heart. everybody knows this.

i don’t care who you are, if you see jeongin smile, you either smile or cry and there are no other options.

i don’t make the rules.

so, when he shows you the ‘lovestay’ version of his latest dance practice, you’re bound to go insane with adoration.

as soon as his solo comes up and the camera zooms in on his sweet, smiling face, you give his cheek a little poke

you say, “that’s you!”

“shut up,” he’d respond, giggling.

“wait, i missed something,” you say with a sense of urgency. you take the phone from his hands, rewinding a few seconds.

he’d roll his eyes at you, getting a bit shy.

you resume the video until the boy in the video holds up a finger heart, at which point you press pause.

“look how cute!” you exclaim, looking up at jeongin and pointing back and forth between him and the screen.

“stop it!” he’s blushing (and you’re screaming internally at how cute he is) as he tries to refrain from making a big smile.

you poke his side, resulting in a small fit of laughter that forces his bright grin to peek out.

he swats your hand away, putting his arm around you

(partly to show his affection and partly to make you hold still)

you place your head onto his shoulder, resuming the video for the final time. “you’re too cute. i can’t help it.”

“but you’re the cutest...” he murmurs, almost inaudibly to someone who isn’t as close to him as you are now.

heat rises in your face.

you: “...stop…”

him: “hah!”

touché...

©️ cotccotc 2020 ~ all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

#inkidz #districtninewriters #skzwriternet #*fics #stray kids #skz #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #stray kids reactions #skz reactions #bang chan #chris bang #lee know #lee minho #changbin #seo changbin #hyunjin #hwang hyunjin #han jisung #skz han #skz felix #lee yongbok #seungmin #kim seungmin #i.n #yang jeongin

[to-many-towered-camelot]

book notes

for anyone who is interested in a nuanced take on fairy beliefs vs the Christian Church in the Middle Ages, this book by Richard Firth Green was actually so good, if your library has it:

[Image: Front cover of the book ‘Elf Queens and Holy Friars: Fairy Beliefs and the Medieval Church’ by Richard Firth Green]

like, obvs it’s just one person’s take on a very complex topic, but it’s well-written, well-researched, and it uses a bunch of Arthurian examples throughout to explore this dynamic (see under cut)

really interesting exploration of how the Church’s response evolved from the early-High Middle Ages (”dude, you believe in fairies? hhhmmm, do penance for 10 days”) to the Late Middle Ages/Early Modern Period (”kill them for heresy and witchcraft!”) 

and how it enfolded vernacular/fairy beliefs into Christian doctrine as fairies being either a) demons or b) the illusions of demons (and how dangerous/bad these demons were depended on the time/location/cleric in question - some packaged fairies as “neutral” demons who fell when the rebel angels did, and who must be punished on Earth but will return to Heaven on Doomsday - potentially doing this to soften things for their parishioners, who often held these fairy beliefs and reconciled them with Christianity, uh, differently than the Church officially would prefer)

and enduring belief in fairies existed in both common and aristocratic circles (can see this in medieval romances, although they’re not the only source of evidence), rather than just being used as cultural “decoration” by a more sceptical upperclass

aaaaand because of this conflation of fairy = demon, you get a really interesting blend/overlap with medieval demonology and enduring “folk” beliefs (obvs not all of medieval demonology was just rebranded fairies, but some of it defs was - you see stories being retold with “devil” instead of “elf”, for example)

INCLUDING in Arthuriana - how you get Morgan the Fairy (”le Fay”) vs Morgan who was raised in a nunnery and learned dark magic there, the Lady of the Lake as a (largely) positive force, Merlin inexplicably as a (perceived to be...) Good Guy despite being the literal antichrist, the Green Knight and all the overlap with Christian symbolism in that story, etc, etc. and they all just either??? co-exist in the same stories or appear through either more fay or more ~Christian lenses depending on the version

and it creates a very interesting and very confusing soup of Stuff stemming from a very confusing - and sometimes dangerous - soup of official and unofficial beliefs evolving over hundreds of years

anyway, WRT Arthuriana it’s got (and ymmv on these, but they’re all interesting thoughts):

(i think in Gottfried’s Tristan???) apparently Tristan has a rainbow fairy dog called Petitcriu...name a knight less deserving of such a Good Boy smh

Chretien’s Yvain flooding out Laudine at the fountain (...jerk) as a continuation of the beliefs surrounding a magical Spring at Barenton 

Gingalain moving from being the son of Gawain and the fairy Blanchemal (and having a fairy love interest, Pucelle) in the French OG version (~1200-ish) to being the son of Gawain and his human mistress (with Pucelle also being human) in a later 15th-C Middle English version)

AJDKN UJ IOE E Merlin’s conception, that one’s a wild ride - theologians REALLY didn’t like the idea of demons being fertile, and the work-arounds they came up with were...incredible. but skipping over that sheer comedy, the author draws links between Merlin’s conception and the general trend of claiming a fairy lover/whatever when a difficult-to-explain pregnancy arose. He also theorises that Geoffrey’s idea for Merlin’s father being a demon/fairy may have come from Nennius saying that Merlin/Ambrosius’ mother “never knew a man”. Later adaptations of this storyline made it even more fay-like (when they weren’t, like Robert de Boron, making it more fucked-up) by making Merlin’s father invisible (Wace) or a super attractive guy in swanky gold clothes (Layamon) - and Vortigern’s advisor explaining the creatures that lived between the earth and the moon until doomsday, etc, etc (walking that line between fairy and incubi, whichhhhhh was not clearly delineated in the Middle Ages the way it is now). also there’s one 13th-C Anglo-Norman poem where Merlin’s father is a bird that transforms into a dashing young squire, which isn’t terribly demon-y. So even though most versions of this story describe Merlin’s dad as an incubi-demon, what people understood this to mean may have been more fay-ish that we’d expect nowadays (depending on the reader, and also on authorial intention - some are pretty explicit that he’s a demon [many clerics keen to push this as the main narrative], while others refer to him as an elf or fairy). some contemporary scepticism during this time about Merlin having any sort of supernatural parentage as well

[none of the same Church anxieties about explaining away how the Plantagenets and other aristocratic families claim a female fairy ancestress - maybe bc there’s none of the stress about patrilineal bloodlines??? who knows! but yeah, much less thought given to those stories in ecclesiastical circles, and they were very popular in vernacular romances (male aristocratic wish fulfilment?). also, fairy enchantments =/= necromancy, so there are stories like the non-cyclic Lancelot where the Lady of the Lake is found out to be “a fairy by education, not by nature or heredity” (Elspeth Kennedy), with the spirits used in necromancy being demons, not fairies. also potential trend of female-associated magic becoming more passive and book-learned, gradually demonising it leading up to early-modern witch hunts.]

Geoffrey of Monmouth in his Historia and in the Vita Merlini being actually pretty circumspect about saying whether or not Arthur was alive/dead, returning/not returning, maybe due to his work/text being a (hypothesised) defence of the Welsh as being “civilised” (and having been so for centuries before the Normans came) - with the corollary that believing in Arthur’s return was somehow “uncivilised”. Author argues that this may be due to an association with fairy beliefs, and that Layamon is the one that makes Avalon explicitly fey. Also the author describes Arthur as living in a “feminised version of the Christian heaven” (iconic) and says that later writers and people could be very scornful of this belief held by the Britons/Welsh/etc, and that it was contrary to orthodox ways of thinking. 

Links the “discovery” of Arthur and Guinevere’s bodies in Glastonbury in the late 12th-C as similar to when individuals found the bodies of their loved ones, thus making it much harder to believe (and hope) that they were still alive in fairyland. Makes a suggestion that the monks in Glastonbury who “found” these bodies may have been trying to curry favour with the English crown (i.e. champion/hope of the Welsh isn’t coming back) but also may have been trying to “help”/”save”/correct the thoughts/ideology of the Welsh (i.e. “set them on the correct path to salvation”). Lots of medieval writers describing Arthur as living in “fairyland”. Precedent of people visiting fairyland and returning, so Avalon/fairyland =/= a place only for the dead (i.e. Arthur isn’t dead). An Arthurian example, albeit a less explicitly fay one, is Lancelot getting in and out of Gorre (with Gorre as a “typically supressed and rationalised” version of fairyland) in Chretien’s Knight of the Cart.

Some stuff about the wild horde (distinct from the wild hunt) being presented by some writers as very penitential (i.e. they are departed souls that may look like they’re bearing arms/hunting/whatever as they did in life, but really they are in agony e.g. because their weapons burn them) and tbh demonic (black armour, carrying torches, ominous aesthetic). Other writers thought maybe it was - once again! - demonic impersonators rather than actual mortal souls. (Should note also that the wild horde/wild hunt motifs were not always associated with their being dead). Relevant in the Arthurian context because Arthur and his court were sometimes associated with the idea of the wild horde (as in, sometimes the wild horde is described as Arthur’s court living it up in a cool, undying sort of way - “in the likeness of knights hunting or jousting, commonly known as the household of Hellequin or of Arthur” [Etienne de Bourbon, a medieval writer] - with Hellequin’s household often being used to encompass either the wild hunt or the wild horde). Ultimate point made by the author (props to him, he’s always like “if i’m right” lol) that for many clerical writers, it was very uncomfortable to leave people with the impression that Arthur and his court were living it up in fairyland (and similar for other figures associated with the wild hunt/horde) and this idea needed to be corrected/shaped to suit more orthodox perspectives - e.g. tying in with notions of purgatory, etc. 

Aaaand this one was exciting to me just bc i’ve vaguely heard about Arthur and his knights snoozing under a hill, but for some reason i could only remember this being in Victoria-era-and-onwards poetry. 3 versions of the same tale, where a servant looks for his master’s lost horse on a Sicilian mountain. Version 1) servant of a bishop finds his master’s horse in the beautiful palace of Arthur’s court beneath Mt Etna. Aside from the fact that the ancient wound Arthur received from Mordred opens once a year, it’s not very purgatory-like. Version 2) a dean’s servant is told by an old man that King Arthur has the horse on Mt Gyber (Mt Etna). he is told that his master must attend Arthur’s court in 14 days, but the dean laughs it off...then sickens and dies on the appointed day (whoops). Enough differences to this story compared to the first to suggest an oral circulation. Also a note in the version/text that such mountains are said to be the mouth of hell, and only the wicked are sent there, not the chosen. Version 3) Etienne again! Also likely changed with intervening oral circulation. The master is not an ecclesiastical figure, and Arthur’s palace is now a populous city - also Arthur is not referred to, just a nameless prince. There is a gatekeeper who warns the servant not to eat or drink while he’s there (that...is a very fairy-ish proscription). This mountain is apparently reputed to be the site of purgatory. The book author (Richard, i mean) ties these versions in with other stories/accounts of different entrances to purgatory (e.g. one on an island in an Irish lake) as being part of a gradual process of “rendering [...] fairyland purgatorial”. 

Finally, Gawain in Roman van Walewein: To get to an ‘earthly paradise’ [i.e. King Assentijn’s garden with its fountain of youth - side note that ‘earthly paradises’ were often popularly described to be fairyland/where fairies live, in addition to their theological functions, e.g. Avalon was sometimes described as an earthly paradise...i should also say that purgatory was frequently thought to be located beside earthly paradise, so there’s the proximity element] and the castle containing it, Gawain must cross a river (guided by a magical talking fox) that a) has waters that burn like fire, and b) can only be crossed by using a bridge sharper than a razor. His reaction? “Is it the enchantment of elves or magic / that I see?”. He is then guided by the fox underneath the river through a tunnel, and is told that the river’s source is in the depths of hell, and “[the river] is the true purgatory / All souls, having departed from the body / Must come here to bathe.” So it’s a very strong intermingling of fairy and purgatorial imagery/ideas!

I dunno, I just found this very ??? satisfying to read

it leaned towards lit-crit at times (which, considering the subject matter, is honestly fair enough), but it was more respectful of vernacular beliefs than so many other academic takes i see (ofc ymmv re: anything to do with non-Christian major religions, but i think the author’s pretty solid on this!), and it had an explanation for the survival of these beliefs that imo made a lot of sense, especially from a pan-European perspective, not just a Celtic one 

plus it explored the undeniable damage done by Christianity over history without making up some “ranged battle between paganism and the Church” that i see  e v e r y w h e r e  in casual Arthurian circles...which, like, i empathise with the vibe, but also! that’s just straight-up historical revisionism! (i blame MZB and the 80′s for that one)

(there was a fantastic post floating around a while ago about how the religious syncretism in Arthurian literature is much more interesting than peeling away all of the Catholicism in the medieval lit (...you ?? don’t end up with much left?) and saying that this is more “accurate” to some obscure original)

anyway yeah yeah ymmv but it’s v interesting 😊

#arthuriana #Arthurian legend #religion #religious history #christianity #folklore #* #richard firth green #AUDEI FEF HEF this is hilariously long #but really it was such an interesting book! #esp if you're a bit like me and you've been turned away from discussing vernacular/folkloric elements in Arthuriana bc of how badly/weirdly #it's been handled in the past #arthurian literature #medieval history #medieval literature #medieval romance #(also im so sorry to any medieval historian reading this im just throwing around 'The Church' willy-nilly i know it's not a monolith!!! #pinky swear

[thisdreamplace]

I had a nasty fight with my former bff. This was long ago. She did the whole 'boycotting me' thing at school and afterwards had a mutual friend pass her msg to me, saying "tell her [me] to get it into her skull that she's not the center of the world, who does she think she is? Stop acting like a #" Im simplifying the words, her actual words were nastier

I got thinking today abt this fight, and her comment abt me that is still way too fresh in my mind even tho I hadn't recalled it in 2-3 yrs!, and I actually decided to use the law to revise my friendship to feel better as what happened after the fight was shameful on my part. But before I knew it, I started rmmbring my relationship with her. How I became a total victim. Got so stuck on her validation, begged her to be friends with me (after I got the degrading msg. 🤕 silly me w/o a backbone lol) and stayed her 'bestie' for way too long. Only after it's all over im noticing smth messed up abt out 'feiendship'. It wasnf that normal I think. She would get so pissed if I did anything that went against her thoughts/beliefs/way (which is why she called me a selfish # that major fight). It was so subtle the way she showed her disapproval. To her, if I did anything not aligned with her, or even makih decisions on my own which didn't involve her, it was wrong. And had consequences like her beinf distant for days etc, or getting angry if I didn't mind read her bla bla, I just had to keep her at the top 24/7 and she expected everyone else to do the same... which I thought was normal... It wasnt. And what would be even more crazy is she never realized how that meant she always wanted the attention. That she always wanted it her way! It just makes me feel... Sad.... When I look back. How couldn't I have notived it before? I used to be strong headed, opinionated before I became 'besties' with her.. That all has changed. I wonder why -_-

It may be dumb on my part but with the weak mind and insecurity I had then, I took that fight/her reaction to the heart and internalisef this stupidiy (DENY MYSELF if the other alternative was denying HER. I didn't think it was wrong. For the oldme, it really wasn't wrong smh). Aaah I'm so sorry old me :(

This fight started bcoz she asked me for smth and I refused, instead of relenting like I always would, and I see now that her reaction (to me not being an obedient # to her ig?🤢) was basically her setting rules. It was wrong of me to refuse, yes, but why did she react that way? Why did this pattern continue? That everyone was selfish if they didn't think of her ;_; like how do u deal with this? And the icing is when I too started to defend her and make excuses for her all the time. And ik I'm making her out to be so strong, don't worry... I accept the strong only rule when the weak submit. And I was weak as hell, so its understandable this whole thing. I think 😅

Idk. I seen your posts abt eyipo with other anons so i hope u can tell me figure out what this was. Its clear to me she was projecting smth about me, and mb throughout our whole friendship she was projecting me. And I would think it was her hurting me, that she was right and I was wrong or maybe I did smth wrong. Mb I thought I deserved being punished that way?!

Today I suddenly had an aha moment and I realised... this is how a victim thinks. I didn't know I was a victim when I was living that stoey aka thought I was powerless. When in fact I really wasn't?! Haha still accepting I 555% created ALL that. The law can knock you out haha

Enough old story I just want to ask, what du u think the msg she sent to me was? Did I really deserve such a reaction (did I mention she included other girls in the boycot? 🤢) just for standing up for myself? What about the whole 'fight' aka showcase of power? And the entire yrs of being friends why did I never realize I was only hurting myself so much by putting her before me? And also, with the everyone pushed out thing, how did it fit in? Like why the hell did I give her too much power in validating me by giving in after the fight in the first place?, and while I did have some fun times (saying this so anyone else who reads this doesn't think it was pure torture lol. We had some common interests tyat no one else in the class shared when we first became 'friends'), deep down I was so unhappy so why didn't this reflect on her? I mean why didn't she ever sense just how much she'd hurt me, why didn't she see how much I put on the back burner coz of her?! Was it as she saw it as her right? I'm just so confused

This is still a bitter pill to swallow tbh but I have to face this in order to move on. This person and my life with her has left me wit many scars and I got to understand how I did this so I never attract such a person in my life again. Its not even abt bejnf a victim. As I said, these victimy things were subtle and I only noted them when it was too late and I was a shell, like she getting super pissed and disapproving if I had a differing opinion and me blowijg it out of proportion and tailoring my views or not expressing them so as to not feel the disapproval...thanks boycott conditioning ig? 😭 Aaaah even talking agaunst her rn is making me uncomfortable. Which makes me think I still am scared of her subconsciously even tho she's no longer in my life. Like, what in me made me choose her? I haven't healed, obviously by this ask as u can tell, but idk what is it in my self concept that had this whole thing in my past even happen

My friend, I also want to say I think you're a beautiful soul 🥺. And im sorry for the long ask lol. And I pray you'll always have all your desires. And plz, was it hard for u at first when u learned about u creating everything? The good, the bad, and the repulsive (like this story)? How did u get over old stories? Ty ty ty 😭

To begin with you're being really harsh on yourself. Like, I know it's hard, but it's never that serious. And trust me, this is something I have to remind myself of regularly. Because there have definitely been moments in life where I look back on myself in that moment, and I feel like I was pathetic and would slap myself if I could. But the truth is, there's just no need for any of that. We always did the best we could. We always did, period. We couldn't have done anything differently and this will continue to be true our entire lives. Looking back on the past with such overwhelming feelings, is really not needed. I get looking back to learn from it, but practice coming from a place of love and acceptance instead. It will help you grow, rather than get stuck back in this cycle of self-hate and confusion. Plus, you actually never need to analyze the past to grow but that's beyond the point right now.

To me, by reading your ask, the message she sent to you was clear. You feel you deserve less in life, you feel you're not good enough, you feel like a victim to life and others, you feel like you're not empowered or the operant power of your reality. It's not about her being wrong and you being right, and I get this is one of the hardest pills to swallow. Everyone is you pushed out. Therefore, there's simply no such thing as who is right and who is wrong anymore. It was only ever you.

When it comes to everyone is you pushed out, you have to understand this person isn't this way because that's who they are. They were that way because that's who you were. Inside of you, you brought their character to life. Therefore, the same way you are not stuck to such an undesirable self concept, neither is that person. It's not that you chose her and attracted her in. You were just dealing with yourself. That's what I hope you walk away from this response understanding. Because by thinking she was outside of you, you're missing the mark. And this is such an important concept to understand when it comes to the law of assumption, because it's really at the forefront of everything. People play such a huge role in our lives, whether it's relationships, jobs, opportunities, etc etc. So understanding how everyone is you pushed out actually works is extremely important.

So instead of putting all this blame on her or even putting the blame on yourself, all these memories really do is give you a glimpse into who you were at the time. It shows you the beliefs you held about yourself. It shows you what your self concept was. That's all it's doing. So in that way, there's actually no one to blame at all. I know it feels good to put blame, even when it's on yourself, but the truth is there's no room for blame when you learn about the law. You simply take responsibility and become empowered by the power you have held this entire time. And you practice making it work in your favor.

If you want to see how something was apart of your self concept, all you have to do is pay attention to what you are thinking/feeling. Shame, not being good enough, etc etc is all just stories you once held onto. Now you don't have to hold onto those stories anymore. Now that you know the power you hold, you get to make a new decision for yourself. Rather than ruminating of the painful past, allow it to be and know how that's not your story anymore.

Was it difficult for me to accept how I created everything? Yes and no. It's been a journey. While I could accept it logically, emotionally it was still very painful. Many times I wanted to cry and lash out when I felt alone and felt upset that no one was there for me. Although, I knew deep down it appeared that way because of my own concept of self. So yeah, it's been a journey. And it's honestly not always delightful. But this is the journey we have to take for the rest of our lives, so we might as well get used to practicing and applying these concepts. Instead of continuing to hold ourselves in such painful lights. I got through old stories, and I continue to get through old stories, by feeling all the pain that came up. By allowing myself to cry and feel however I felt like during those times. And in the back of my mind I knew I was getting stronger in my power. I knew how I would keep persisting once the pain subsided. And little by little, old stories fade more and more. That persistence to continue choosing better for yourself, is truly more powerful than it may seem in a difficult moment. Have trust in how it's all working out for you regardless.

Hopefully this is helpful! Thank you for your kind words. 💖

#eiypo

[mevekagvain]

Chapter 121 - I hope none of the birds affected by the sleeping gas died from falling from a height, especially if they fell on concrete. I don't think the gas itself would affect the birds but it also very well might since they can't handle as much due to being much smaller animals or from not being able to handle the chemicals used.

Chapter 122 - Shark's expressions are so hideous 🤢

- At least Raizel knows how to be nice by sharing food lmao. Frankenstein beaming like a proud father of a 2-year-old who's doing that is definitely not praxis though.

Chapter 124 - Shark being astounded that nobles care about innocents is amusing. I suppose that aside from the Elders, the Union members think nobles consider other species to be inferior or like cockroaches or toys.

- Although I do find Frankenstein plotting to teach Seira cooking so she can cook for Raizel when he can't extremely funny, I do also find it somewhat disturbing. He's essentially making a teen girl do child labour. Yes she and Regis are imposing on him and I do think they should be doing some manner of chores, but making her cook lavish meals? I also know she's doing it willingly but it still makes me cringe since something being one's choice doesn't negate it being bad. And yes technically she's 'of age' since she's 217, whatever that means since she's still obviously a teen compared to Raizel who actually is an adult going to school with children (which is a whole other can of worms), but aside from her position as clan leader she's very obviously not viewed as an adult by most.

Chapter 125 - On one hand I'd love to get a front row seat to the internal drama within the DA-5 lile M-21 but otoh I don't want to die a painful death or get beaten up.

- So like obviously Seira knows that Raizel and Frankenstein aren't ordinary humans unlike Regis but it is hilarious to think she just told the truth to two men she thinks are frail innocent humans.

Chapter 127 - You'd really think that the Union would be investing more into memory altering drugs but nah. The only ones they have will also fuck your brain up. Really not a good idea when most of your agents/experiments obviously have been administered aforementioned drugs. If it was only used sparingly on civilians I'd get it but it's quite widespread so...

Chapter 128 - As much as Frankenstein complains about the mess the kids make, he enjoys having them over as much as Raizel does. Soft hearted bastard.

Chapter 130 - The girls bandaging M-21 up even as Regis fights has them being smarter than like 90% of other characters in media. They're the real reason he didn't hit the dust immediately smh.

Chapter 132 - I still think the coming of age ceremony has a 50% chance of actually being them ingesting drugs that are the equivalent of stat boosting items in games but also ya know, real world drugs that fuck you up. The other 50% is just them getting much stronger after they turn 200 because their bodies are just like that and it truly is purely ceremonial and a fun tradition like children's day or girl's day or birthdays rather than something that actually affects them.

- Lol Kranz, Regis won't be leaving a corpse if he dies. Purebloods are just special like that. Can you imagine if they did see a pureblood dying? They'd regret killing them so bad.

Chapter 133 - Raizel commanding Frankenstein to stop his experiments is definitely something, like bro maybe he was figuring out electrolysis, not like you know what he was doing. Plus it's not like Frankenstein listened completely. Man has a lab under his house and it wasn't built after Raizel woke. I guess he only stopped modification experiements on others and only did checkups on himself but didn't stop experimenting for other stuff like idk, better fertiliser.

- Kinda amazing Takeo didn't get stabbed in the heart.

Chapter 137 - I know it's just because Gejutel likely explained the lord's powers to him but the idea that Regis knows what a blood field is because Raskreia does demonstrations to entertain little kids is making me giggle.

Chapter 140 - So the Union only came upon Frankenstein's research 540 years ago... that's only 40 years before Raskreia became lord. Interesting.

- Ah yes... the classic joke of Tao not teaching Takeo korean properly. It's also very amusing envisioning Tao teaching the DA-5 members korean.

- ARIS ARIS ARIS. God she looks adorbs. Also I love her referring to DA-5 as 'my children' and 'my babies'. Aris >>> all other scientists. Amd hi Yuri :)

Chapter 141 - Yuri listening to Aris insulting Crombel repeatedly,,, he probably enjoys every aspect of it from knowing she's not aware he's his underling to being able to hear someone insult Crombel.

- Once again union members don't know jack shit. They think werewolves are extinct while Maduke and Lunark are literally Elders 😭🤡😭

- Werewolves having a small population never made sense to me even with the whole thing about them not having mind control and thus keeping away from humans secretly since even civilians are stronger than humans on average but like why tf would wolves have such a low reproduction rate? And that's why I hc that 90% of them are just homosexual.

Chapter 142 - D doesn't consume your lifeforce bro. That's just the drugs causing heavy strain on the body, etc etc. The rest of your explanation was fine but talking about lifeforce or vitality makes no sense.

- We all know Yuri's smart but the fact that he tries to get Frankenstein as a subject by scouting him first is very clever. It's believable too since Frankenstein is supposed to be quite handsome.

Chapter 144 - Well we don't know of Crombel microchips his Assassination Squad but Aris canonically microchips her experiments 🤣

Chapter 147 - Okay but this panel... she's hot. I'd let her dissect me <3

- If this was some other media I'd talk about the symbolism of the attack looking like a rapier and go on for a paragraph but this is Noblesse so it's obviously just a coincidence lmao.

- "A living robot" so like... a cyborg.

Chapter 148 - Yuri getting pissed at being attacked and retaliating but pretending it was him being loyal to Aris... Love it. Also he must be really confused as to who tf Frankenstein is since as one of Crombel's most important lackeys he'd definitely know about such a powerful experiment under him if they existed and thus unlike Aris knows that he's not been sent by Crombel.

Chapter 149 - Yup def confused, especially when he realises Frankenstein's power is like Crombel's.

Chapter 150 - Girlboss,,, also it's been years and I'm still wondering... why is her outfit like that? Neon genesis evangelion girlboss does have a ring to it though.

- Ah yes, Taivra time.

Chapter 151 - Okay yeah I feel so bad for Takeo but also Aris is so good at manipulating him and and and iwi. The fact that she can cry on command though... impressive.

- "From the beginning you were an only child. That's why I got you to experiment on." Okay cool time to ignore that again for my own amusement of having all of noblesse's named modified human women be related to Takeo.

- Okay I'm obsessed with strawberry milk myself but strawberries do not taste anywhere near that good. Not even the sweet ones.

Chapter 153 - Yeah no I don't agree that Takeo losing his will to live is an insult to your comrades M-21. You could have said all that in a gentler way. Just because Takeo was luckier than you experiment wise doesn't mean you get to be so rude.

Chapter 154 - M-21 misleading Tao and Takeo to thinking he's being experimented on and then turning around to laugh at them when they find out it's just ramyeon... mood.

- I really do wonder what 12th Elder's military medals are for.

Sidenotes - Hammer being smart <3 I honestly didn't remember that part of him and I'm glad he's not given purely negative traits. He's the only reason Shark lived past 2 chapters tbh.

- Truly, D is one of the worst letters of the alphabet to have named the drugs DA-5 uses. The other bad choice would be P. On the opposite end of the spectrum, T would have been a great choice for the irony. Not that it matters since the inspiration for the drug from name to physical transformation is obviously 🍆

- Nobles being so nonchalant about murder is kinda fucked up like yeah they suck but you can't just kill them??? Lukedonia my beloved your justice system sucks. I do hc they can't just do this in Lukedonia though or to other nobles even if outside of Lukedonia, it's just that the jurisdiction of nobles doesn't apply outside of Lukedonia and they do on some level think of themselves as a superior species so they're fine with just... killing people.

- Aris obsessing over handsome men as experiments and treating them like toys but ignoring women altogether? Not experimenting on women? Gaslight gatekeep girlboss,,, a feministe of our own,,, perhaps even a... lesbienne. But yeah I just love how she acts and I love her and how she interacts with Yuri. And yeah he's cool too.

- Tbh aside from how short the skirts are and the white blazers, the Ye Ran uniform really reminds me of my own school's uniform. The colours are exactly the same. We just didn't have blazers since it was a forever summer tropical country, only jumpers for if it got too cold in the air conditioned rooms. And for some people who grow up in tropical countries... 25°C can be too cold.

#noblesse #raining while reading #volume 2 done

[btssavedmylifeblr]

Holy. Fucking. Shit. Oh my god, i've never felt like i couldn't breathe as much as i just did reading chapter four of void. I am /freaking/ /out/, like FUCK that is just too much!! I felt like passing out too, ahh my chest still kinda hurts from holding my breath akshsjaj 😂😭 dude.. You are.. Wow. I feel speechless lol! I can't freaking believe this is happening, it's being sent back to earth!!!! Like!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe this is really real, i'm in shock. I feel like i'm dreaming and 1+

myjeansareonfire said: that didn't actually jusy happen 😭 i am so PISSED OFF at everyone!!! Fucking yoongi for making a copy! Fucking tae & jungkook for teasing oc! Fucking tae and jimin for fighting over that shit!!!!!!!!!!!! Bless hoseok and jin for staying professional but 😳 ahh idkidkIDK man my mind is racing 2+

myjeansareonfire said: and.. namjoon. Ah, namjoon. Our strong commander, making the hard decisions, taking responsibility :( he's got something hot coming his way but also a very difficult decision to make. & damn, i wanna stay optimistic! !! There are a million ways this could go but the first of the 3 main ones i'm thinking of is namjoon, the professional commander that he is, reports it back to earth & a punishment is bestowed upon oc, as well as yoongi. But the punishment would definitely be a lot worse for oc 3+

myjeansareonfire said: the second thing is if namjoon decides to delete the video, and for oc's sake and everyone's sake and for the sake of the mission, he orders everyone to never ever speak of it again or engage in any activities that could compromise the mission, and he doesn't report back to earth. Like it never even happened. The third thing is if he decides to call oc into his office after he's done inspecting the footage and he gives her what he wants 👅 4+

myjeansareonfire said: ah.. And dude jungkook had me laughing at first when he said he was in love with her, he was just in love with the sight of her pussy smH, poor young lonely boy 5+

myjeansareonfire said: all i wanted to do in that last scene was take oc away somewhere away from the crew, their guilty eyes, hoseok's confused ones, and just bundle her up in my arms and tell her it was all going to be okay. I was legit tearing up like damn i wanted to be there for her so bad 😭 i just want to sing to her and let her cry, tell her to stop suppressing her tears. I think i'm in love with her tbh LOL 6+

myjeansareonfire said: but also BACKTRACKING a bit.. 🚨Hoseok Theory🚨maybe hoseok seemingly has the most self control (despite small slip ups of physical contact before he quickly retracts himself) because he's is in love with her and there for cares the most about her and the consequences that will/could happen if they were to get involved 7+

myjeansareonfire said: This fic is going to become legendary. Years from now, people will still read this or stumble upon it and become as blessed as the rest of us have. It'll go down in history, it'll become the fanfic version of like water for chocolate, you'll become the tumblr version of laura esquivel. Bee, you are truly magnificent 8(final)

myjeansareonfire said: 💖🌻🌹🌼🌱💕🌸💖🌻🌺🌱🌷🌻💕💫

GAH!!!! These comments are so lovely! I was grinning like a madwoman as I read them back. You’re so kind and lovely and enthusiastic. Thank you so much! 

Sorry for the angst and the anger! A lot of my readers are pissed at our troublesome boys at the moment. Namjoon definitely has some difficult decisions headed his way in the next chapter. 

I died laughing at “just in love with the sight of her pussy”. Poor Jungkook...

Aww, I love that you love her. That makes me so happy. I’m glad you can identify with her so strongly. 

I like your Hoseok theory. 😉

You are magnificent! Thank you so much my friend!

💖🌻🌹🌼🌱💕🌸💖🌻🌺🌱🌷🌻💕💫

#void #myjeansareonfire

[dong-hyucks]

7, 19, 92, enemies to lovers AU for nct jaehyun!! :-) congrats on 1000 once again hehe 💓 -🌻✨

Jung Jaehyun ; “I dreamt about you last night.” , “Can I hold your hand?” , “I want you to be happy.” + Enemies↣ Lovers!AU

Prompts here.Masterlists

wow what a bias wrecker

okay so some backstory

you and jeffrey over here have known each other since he got back from america

everyone fawned over him when he got back

you were probably like,, the only one at school who got tired of his little “i lived in america, that’s why i’m here, man!!” joke

you: we get it can you stop now

when he found out you were annoyed by him in general he was a bit confused

he’d never spoken to you before so he thought your disliking of him was a bit dumb

you found out because his friends have loud mouths

which only fueled your hatred oops

because you thought he was calling you dumb behind your back

anyway after you guys graduated

you didn’t see each other much

that is

until you became a makeup artist for sm

the gods were against you because you were assigned to nct

you couldn’t do anything about it tho because it was a good job and you’d rather not get fired

besides, you could tolerate the other boys (for the most part)

this little hatred is a bit one sided

he just likes to mess with you but he doesn’t hate you

like he’d take a lipbalm thing from your bag without you noticing

you’d know it was him but he would play innocent

he would put it back once you turned away tho

“see!! it’s right there”

you rolling your eyes out of your head

whenever it was his turn to get his makeup done or his hair fixed

you had to refrain yourself from making him look like a clown

even being so close to his face infuriated you smh

the boys didn’t really see why you ‘disliked’ each other

like they’d interrogate jaehyun after witnessing him steal your makeup supplies a few times (always giving it back ofc)

he’d never have a legit answer??

“it’s funny to see [Y/N] get angry they’re like a cat lol”

“jae that’s not–”

and then if they’d ask you about it

which was a mistake

the entire time you did the person’s makeup (probably taeyong oml) you’d literally be listing the reasons why jaehyun irritates you

ty: never again

taeyong would tell jaehyun about what you said and he’d be like ???

“they aCTUALLY DISLIKE ME??”

like he thought you had gotten over your resentment from school and you were just playing along

slow child, he is

so after that he’d kind of just lay low

he wouldn’t steal anything anymore or make any teasing comments

which you were half grateful for but at the same time it was weird not glaring daggers at him practically every day

now that he wasn’t playing around with you, you kind of realized how much of an angel he was

bUt you were too prideful to step down 

so you kept your distance

which the boys noticed like right away

they probably made a gc about you guys tbh

anyway now that you weren’t glaring at him 24/7 or making any snarky remarks

jaehyun was able to look at you without feeling like you weren’t going to bite his head off

he started noticing some things

like how you rake your hand through your hair when you’re getting stressed over the makeup

or how you cover your mouth when you laugh (if you don’t do this then read the bold lol)

or how you’re able to laugh comfortably around the boys

and how you bite your lips when you’re concentrating on doing makeup admittedly he got caught staring at your lips by yuta 

and the cute way you furrow your brows together

you’re so different around others than when you’re with him

with him you just stay quiet and don’t say much unless you’re instructing him to move his face in whatever way

but with the boys and with the other staff members

you joke around a lot

and smile easily

he found himself wanting to see you do that in front of him

after like a month of admiring you from afar it kind of just hit him like

“i??? like??? [Y/N]???”

he wouldn’t be that surprised with himself considering the fact he had started to search for you in a room whenever he entered

and the fact that seeing you made him feel all tingly

he’d be kind of nonchalant about it but at the same time he’s torn over whether or not he should confess

he still believes you hate him honestly

he texted johnny about it and ranted for like an hour talking about the pros and cons of confessing

he also fawned over you a bit

however

he made a grave mistake

he accidentally texted yuta and not johnny

rip jung “jeffrey” jaehyun

all of the members, including the ones who hadn’t debuted yet + jaemin, knew of his crush within the hour

half of them would just dismiss it and go one with their lives

the other half were devious and made a plan

a majority of that other half were the dreamies tbh

they got updates on your interactions with jaehyun from donghyuck

occasionally mark

so basically, the dreamies except for the hyung line + yuta came together to make a plan (with doyoung subtly giving ideas smh what a snake)

in hindsight they realized the plan was dumb but hEy it worked

so basically

the boys hid your really expensive makeup palette (i know nothing about makeup sorry)

right before the boys (including the dreamies) had to go on a broadcast

smart idea guys, very smart

so basically you got really worried

because you and the other makeup artists shared that palette because it was gigantic

when it got to the point where the other artists were getting impatient

you were the youngest out of all of them yet you were trusted with the most expensive thing lol

jaehyun saw you freaking out and went over

he didn’t even think about it like the moment he saw your eyes glaze over he kinda sprinted to you

took you out of the room, away from the crowd of people, and into a spare room

you were still freaking out and now you were just “jaeHYUN LEMME GO I NEED TO GO FIND IT–”

he’d literally just hug you and rub your back

he wouldn’t say anything

you’d calm down a bit but you were still worried

jaehyun noticed and frowned

“can i hold your hand?” 

you’d kind of just pull away and give jaehyun a weird look

so he just took your hand and interlaced his fingers, sending you a gentle smile

your heart would actually be pounding

you were confused

why was he acting like this? you didn’t know

so once you calmed down immediately he’d take you back into the room and help you search for it because it’s easier to find things with a calm mind (is it? idk)

and yet

there it was– in jisung’s arms

you couldn’t even be mad because he looked so sorry about it

so basically you and the other artists were rushing to get the boys makeup done but it’s alright cause they’re going to look great no matter what you do

you went home that night with jaehyun on your mind

like you were conflicted

so you texted jaehyun for answers

your texts were really formal because even tho you had his number you never really texted him before

like proper punctuation, grammar, everything

“Hey… why did you do that? Earlier today, I mean.”

jaehyun was probably on his phone when he got the text

he legit counted to ten before answering your text

“wdym?”

he obviously didn’t care as much for formalities as you did

“You know what I mean.”

you know that feeling you get when you see a speech bubble and it just disappears and then reappears again

yeah that’s how you felt

the speech bubble kept appearing and disappearing for a straight three minutes before he finally sent anything

“i want you to be happy.”

you may or may not have left him on read

‘Read 11:39 PM’

you had jaehyun staying up all night over that wow

that night you didn’t get much sleep

but when you did fall asleep you had a dream

a certain someone was sitting beside you at a table

apparently you were studying, just like you did in school

he merely turned to you and smiled, resting his hand against his cheek and outright staring at you lovingly

then you woke up

you screamed into your pillow when you realized how you felt about that someone

“i like jaehyun oh my god”

you stayed in bed shook for so long you were almost late for work

you saw jaehyun in the elevator and literally spun on your heel to take the stairs

he chased after you like the drama character he is

“wait, [Y/N]!”

when he caught up to you he was panting

which confused you because he literally just ran down a hall??? like you do very complicated and tiring (yet amazing) dances man c’mon

“please don’t avoid me,” he pleaded with a sad look in his eyes

you didn’t answer because you knew you’d die if you looked into his eyes

this made jaehyun feel worse because he thought he upset you again

“can you tell me what i did wrong?”

without even thinking you blurted out, “i dreamt about you last night, okay?”

um no

not okay

realizing what you just said you tried to run away again

he didn’t let you, keeping a firm grasp on your wrist (without hurting you)

“you dreamt about me??” he would ask, astonished

you nodded bashfully; you couldn’t take it back anyway, he’d know you were lying if you said no

“how do you feel about me?”

hoo boy jaehyun straight forward much

you practically glued your lips shut, afraid of revealing another thing you would’ve rather kept secret

he knew you weren’t going to answer so he just continued anyway

“i like you”

your jaw dropped

“i’ve liked you for a while now, and it’s okay if you don’t feel the same, i just wanted to tell you–”

he stopped when he felt your arms wrap around his torso

you covered your face using his chest/neck (idk depends on your height) because you could feel your face getting hotter

you couldn’t see but he was blushing too

“i like you too, idiot.”

#jaehyun #nct #nct 127 #nct u #jung jaehyun #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun scenarios #nct 127 imagines #nct 127 scenarios #nct u imagines #nct u scenarios #nct dream #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #nct jaehyun imagines #nct jaehyun scnearios #nct 127 jaehyun imagines #nct 127 jaehyun scenarios #nct u jaehyun imagines #nct u jaehyun scenarios #nct jung jaehyun #jung jeffrey

[tayegi]

Bro! I'm so scared for what Jungkook's gonna do now that he found out what happened between Jimin and the mc. I legit thought he was gonna hit her, but now that he walked out I have a feeling he went out to find Jimin and things could go really bad and its nerve wrecking. Jk is really obsessive and the fact that she was anxious the whole time, I don't blame her. Tbh, I was scared of you updating a new chapter because I knew shit was about to go down, but the worst has yet to even come.

Anonymous said:Sorry cuz I might have sent an ask prematurely. Anyways, I feel really feel bad for the OC with Jungkook being so controlling and manipulative and Jimin neglecting her and putting her second to Jungkook. Personally I don't see an ending where the OC ends with either or where Jungkook and Jimin get together. I hope they find a way out of this toxic situation they found themselves in. Thanks you for the update by the way! It was an entertaining read. ^^

Anonymous said:Dude, I feel so bad for the OC. Being controlled and manipulated by Jungkook while simultaneously being put second by Jimin

Anonymous said:omfg i just read equilibrium 12 and i was literally so scared the entire time. holy shit, i really hope Jimin figures out whats happening and does something :/

Anonymous said:daaaamn lu the latest chapter of equilibrium gave me the chills at 1am :") as someone very lacking of sleep rn, i feel bad that the oc can't get proper rest with jjk around.. cant wait for the day she finally stands up for herself!!!! (if she ever does)

Anonymous said:Jimin has to know something is up. He may have been blindsided by jk while he was there, but Mc was too obvious when he was gone. Also, jks reaction to the condom confused me. I was expecting him to be furious and get violent. Is this to show how unstable he is? That one moment his "love" (really just possessiveness) is crushing (threat) the next it's "sweet" (the necklace) and the next it's like this. Or is it cuz this "victim" act Mc will blame herself and stay (violence could drive her away)

Anonymous said:Her situation makes me sick. It makes me feel like puking. The worst part is that this can happen to anyone. They can be strong and take no bs, but if someone like jk manages to weasel into their Iives, it can all be stripped down. And most won't consciously realize "this is abuse" and/or can't go through the steps to get out. Like the Mc knows this isn't right, but doesn't/can't leave. I feel trapped just reading, can't imagine what it feels like to actually be in that situation

Anonymous said:This is the second time she's thought he'd hit her omfg pls gurl run away 😭😭😭

Anonymous said:I read the the new chapter of Equilibrium and it's amazing how you convey feelings. I feel really uncomfortable thinking about the relationship between the three, it seems so unhealthy and destroying. Jimin is using her body, Jungkook treats her like a possession and the oc does nothing to get out of that and even encourages this behavior even. She wants to run after Jungkook and there are so many more examples that I have to reread it later. Thank you for writing and sharing your work ♥♥♥

Anonymous said:Oh god I read the new Equilibrium chapter and holy shit Jungkook is getting more and more terrifying. It's amazing how well you depict the character's fear towards him and I really really wish she would just leave and run away but seeing how the story is playing out so far I don't see that happening... even I feel fear for her D: that just goes to show how well you write out the events of the story and the character's emotions/reactions to them!!

Anonymous said:The entirety of the new chapter of Equilibrium had me screaming 'everyone should just gtfo of that awful, toxic relationship' Like everytime the OC was worried about the backlash from JK just for kissing Jimin. Bitch, that's fucking psychological abuse, I wish the characters would realize that its not healthy or okay in the slightest. Props for writing such a nuanced story & capturing common relationship tropes in media that are glorified as romantic but are actual abusive af. Love you :)

Anonymous said:Equilibrium got me fucked up. I honestly don't know what to feel but I don't feel great reading about abuse when I have to wait for what happens next (no rush honestly stories like this just make me think to no end about what's next and gives me secondhand nerves) but I just cannot stop. I'm just so worried about everything going on in this relationship and how unhealthy it is. On another note, thank you for another great chapter, I'm sure how it'll play out will have me shook.

Anonymous said:Ahhh, I had a feeling you had updated today for some reason!! Thanks!

Anonymous said:Oh man it's getting so intense with the new chapter...I'm actually getting kind for scared for Jimin now with possessive Jungkook raging all over the place. Just hoping Jimin might actually catch on with Y/N's actions :( MY GOSH DOES JIMIN EVEN LIKE Y/N WHAT"S GOING ON LIKE SERIOUSLY! Jungkook you are now officially on the bottom of my list lol

kyarybunny said:It's unnerving to read how 'safe' was used to explain Jungkook's absence... So many examples of this being abusive. Plus she thought he was about to hit her?!? Also reading the climax (ha) between her&Jimin was like a let down (on his part, not u) He probably felt hurt when the response was immediately addressing Jungkook (That quick exit) but he didn't even try to reciprocate :/ or even look her in the face smh... But YOU'RE SO GREAT AT WRITING it made me upset in a good way! I enjoyed reading~

Anonymous said:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA fuck nvm. I can't do this. My hearts hurting. I just want to take her out of there. Kick that asshole in the face. Keep her safe and protected from shit holes like him. I can't read this tonight. I'm not gonna be able to sleep. See ya tomorrow. I'll try again tomorrow. Shit lu you're gonna kill me one day. Either you or bigshit. You both have the amazing abilities to drop stuff when it's least expected but when it's the most effective. K peace. C ya tomorrow

Anonymous said:Ah you really surprised me with that new chapter of equilibrium was about to go to bed then I saw it and just had to read it. The writing is really well done, the possessiveness that Jungkook displays towards the oc is so scary, and poor jimin doesn't suspect a thing. And that ending scene was so scary to read I didn't know what he was going to do when he found out. I really loved it. Can't wait to see how the story progresses from here. 😊

Anonymous said:OMFFF SHITS GOING DOWWWNNNN!!!! Low key super worried but high key super keen to see what happens next! Another amazing piece of writing as always! xxx

Anonymous said:both of oc's boyfriends are assholes omg and ones fucking crazy

Anonymous said:Jungkook is being kind of dick, on the one hand I get he feels betrayed, but it doesn't excuse the possessive nature! He wanted to be in a poly Relationship! He doesn't get to call the shots. Jimin is no better, the MC isn't innocent either and it's so good. You write such complex literary characters.

Anonymous said:newest chap of Equilibrium was so good. i could honestly feel the reader's fear. i actually got sick to my stomach, i was so frightened. like a++++ job with that writing, you got some mad skills, girl.

AH THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR RECOGNIZING PSYCHOLOGICAL AND MENTAL ABUSE!!! the girls from previous chapters who thought this was “sexy” seriously scared the shit out of me. Nothing of this is acceptable whatsoever. It’s completely unhealthy and all of the characters need to get out of this situation, tbh haha

THANK YOU FOR READING, MY LOVES, AND FOR BEING SUCH A LOVELY, RECEPTIVE AUDIENCE. I LOVE YOU ALL

#equilibrium #equilibrium spoilers #anon #lu answers

[hellooogaynow]

1-100

omg ok tbh i forgot that i reblogged that ask thing but thank u fren here u go

1. spotify, soundcloud, or pandora? 

spotify

2. is your room messy or clean?

um ok so my room at my mom’s is technically the office and just full of mine and everyone else’s storage so it isn’t really my room i guess and my room at my dad’s is nearly empty and i haven’t been there more than a couple times in a while and i’ve been crashing at friend’s and family’s houses and living out of a suitcase for weeks so i’m just gonna say i don’t really have a room

3. what color are your eyes?

dark brown

4. do you like your name? why?

alright well this is complicated because i hate the name emily and lately i’ve been going by emmitt for a while and it’s just weird because i feel so disconnected from emily and not super connected to emmitt either and i feel like i should just be a nameless person because i hate being referred to as anything tbh

5. what is your relationship status?

happily in a relationship with someone i really care about

6. describe your personality in 3 words or less

a detached mess

7. what color hair do you have?

my natural dark brown color

8. what kind of car do you drive? color?

ah it’s a purple mini van that’s rusting and dying

9. where do you shop?

target lol

10. how would you describe your style?

almost exclusively button ups and baseball shirts

11. favorite social media account?

tumblr probably i use this the most out of all of them

12. what size bed do you have?

queen

13. any siblings?

i have 2 sisters

14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

i honestly have no idea how to answer this question i don’t have a dream destination or anything

15. favorite snapchat filter?

omg probably the cute cat one that changes ur voice cuz my friends look so cute when they use it

16. favorite makeup brand(s)?

i don’t know anything about makeup

17. how many times a week do you shower?

every day sometimes multiple times a day

18. favorite tv show?

buffy the vampire slayer and dollhouse kill me

19. shoe size?

idk i’m pretty sure i’m a 6

20. how tall are you?

5’1

21. sandals or sneakers?

sneakers

22. do you go to the gym?

no lol but i do plan to start going once i actually move in to my new place and get settled

23. describe your dream date

i want to spend a day in chicago with emily doing whatever we want just walking and wandering into stores and go to a zoo or a museum or navy pier or honestly just anything at this point i miss her so much i don’t care what we do as long as we’re together

24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

$6

25. what color socks are you wearing?

they’re both different variations of black white and light blue

26. how many pillows do you sleep with?

at least 2

27. do you have a job? what do you do?

yeah i recently got a job in the mental health field and i work primarily with adults with various mental illnesses in a 24/7 supervised living area at the moment it’s mostly individuals dealing with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, depression, and borderline personality disorder and i help them with symptom management, building the skills they have chosen to work on in their treatment plans, and help them carry activities of daily living so they can become self-sufficient and can transition out and live on their own

28. how many friends do you have?

ah i mean i know i have a lot of friends but as far as really close friends i know i can count on and will most likely always have around i’d say i have about 8

29. whats the worst thing you have ever done?

ah fuck well i went through a really destructive phase in my recent past where i was just in a bad place and i withdrew and lashed out a lot and was super emotionally unstable and i hurt a lot of people and i regret it

30. whats your favorite candle scent?

omg i have no idea i usually just smell all the blue ones and go from there

31. 3 favorite boy names

elliot (this is my favorite name in the world probably)

max

derrick

32. 3 favorite girl names

bennett

caroline

sara

33. favorite actor?

i thought about this for a solid 5 minutes and no one is coming to mind i’m gonna leave this blank

34. favorite actress?

eliza dushku and alyson hannigan kill me every time i watch dollhouse or buffy i’m in love with her

35. who is your celebrity crush?

amber liu

36. favorite movie?

selena

37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?

i used to read a lot when i was a kid and the music of dolphins by karen hesse has always stuck with me for some reason idk if it’s my favorite but when i was a kid i checked it out at least once a month on our elementary library visits and even now i always find myself thinking about it

38. money or brains?

well if u don’t have money u can’t survive in this capitalist society so i mean

but if this question is asking what i want in a person i’d want the smart

39. do you have a nickname? what is it?

my family calls me mimi and tbh it’s the only thing i actually feel comfortable with weirdly

40. how many times have you been to the hospital?

i’ve been to the hospital multiple times to visit people but i don’t remember actually needing to be there myself besides when i burned my hands as a child

41. top 10 favorite songs

this is def subject to change depending on my mood at any given moment but for right now:

hold me tight by bts

house of cards by bts

lie by bts

all mine by one ok rock

deeper deeper by one ok rock

we are by one ok rock

decision by one ok rock

clock strikes by one ok rock

como la flor by selena

moon river waltz by shinee

42. do you take any medications daily?

no i had issues with family and insurance so i had to stop seeing my psych and taking meds

43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

dry

44. what is your biggest fear?

my mom having anything else bad happen to her

45. how many kids do you want?

this is most likely not going to be my choice lol i don’t have a number in mind if i do have kids

46. whats your go to hair style?

short and whatever it wants to do when i get out of the shower

47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)

well i don’t really live in a house rn but my mom’s house is huge she just moved in and it’s crazy big i’m so happy for her also the house i’m gonna move into soon is p small but still cute

48. who is your role model?

idk probably my mom she’s been through a lot and is still going strong

49. what was the last compliment you received?

“you’re so sweet, you know that?” from a client

50. what was the last text you sent?

“nini

51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

tbh i have no idea i was probably in elementary school

52. what is your dream car?

something that runs, is either blue or grey, and magically doesn’t cost me anything to drive it

53. opinion on smoking?

it smells terrible and i don’t like to be around people who smoke

54. do you go to college?

yeah i just graduated

55. what is your dream job?

i have no idea i don’t know what i want i haven’t really thought that far ahead but i love my job so far so i’m alright with where i’m at

56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?

i don’t really have a preference as long as i’m with and near people i care about

57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

i don’t think i’ve ever personally done that

58. do you have freckles?

yeah i have a couple scattered around

59. do you smile for pictures?

i make this weird stupid half smile face and i can’t stop

60. how many pictures do you have on your phone?

761

61. have you ever peed in the woods?

i have not

62. do you still watch cartoons?

i never want to not watch cartoons

63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from wendy’s or mcdonalds?

i don’t like chicken nuggets from anywhere

64. favorite dipping sauce?

wait for what

i like soy sauce for potstickers

65. what do you wear to bed?

usually shorts and a t shirt

66. have you ever won a spelling bee?

no i’m terrible at spelling out loud

67. what are your hobbies?

i like to dance idk not much else tho i guess

68. can you draw?

nooooo

69. do you play an instrument?

i played guitar once but i forgot everything smh

70. what was the last concert you saw?

the bts wings tour

71. tea or coffee?

tea

72. starbucks or dunkin donuts?

dunkin donuts

73. do you want to get married?

yes

74. what is your crush’s first and last initial?

e g

75. are you going to change your last name when you get married?

i’ve thought about this actually and i’m mostly just hesitant about how difficult it would be to change my name on like all the legal paperwork and like bills and work things and it just sounds super complicated but i wish it could be easier because i hate where my last name comes from and if i married my current gf we would literally have the exact same name and we would be able to confuse people even more and i just think it would be funny

76. what color looks best on you?

black i think

77. do you miss anyone right now?

yes oh my god

78. do you sleep with your door open or closed?

closed always closed

79. do you believe in ghosts?

yeah i do

80. what is your biggest pet peeve?

ok i get so mad when i go to a friend’s place who has long hair and i’m walking barefoot through their house or i’m sleeping over or i’m under a blanket or something and it just makes me so mad when i feel dumb long single strands of hair in my toes i hate it so much it makes me so mad idk man but this happened to me last night and i’ve been thinking about it ever since

81. last person you called?

ah well the last phone call that i was on was with the director of all the residential living things at my work

82. favorite ice cream flavor?

idk probably chocolate and vanilla with caramel

83. regular oreos or golden oreos?

regular oreos

84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

no sprinkles pls

85. what shirt are you wearing?

black and grey v neck t shirt

86. what is your phone background?

a picture of my gf i took a while back of her from a distance with the river and sunset in the background

87. are you outgoing or shy?

shy with everyone besides my friends

88. do you like it when people play with your hair?

only like a very specific like 2 people but when it’s anyone else i get really uncomfortable with being touched and you’d think that people wouldn’t just come up to you and start touching your hair and telling you how soft it is but it’s more common than you think and it makes me want to d ie

89. do you like your neighbors?

my nonexistent neighbors r gr8

90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

i always wash it in the morning but sometimes i wash it at night too if i feel gross from the day

91. have you ever been high?

nope never

92. have you ever been drunk?

yes

93. last thing you ate?

a blizzard from dairy queen with pieces of brownies in it

94. favorite lyrics right now

ok i’m gonna be honest and just say i’m not in a place to listen to music rn i’ve been listening to exclusively podcasts and i have not listened to a song and not zoned out completely during it in a very long time and no lyrics are coming to mind

95. summer or winter?

summer

96. day or night?

night

97. dark, milk, or white chocolate?

ah milk or white i guess i’m not a super big fan tho

98. favorite month?

june cuz my birthday also gay

99. what is your zodiac sign

gemini

100. who was the last person you cried in front of?

my dad

#asks #anon #thank u

[solasulad]

Two Weeks Worth.

Feb 1st recap

And I can’t believe the lies that I went though

Thought you where mine but you decided to be with him tho

You took my feelings and just through them out the window

Feels like it’s too hard to fall in love again no

On some nights like this shorty I can’t help but think of us

I been reminiscing simply missing ya

Can you tell me what’s with all this distance love?

If I call would you pick it up?

On some nights like this i just want to text you but for what?

You gon say you want me then go switch it up.

Just gon play with my emotions just because..

You gon get my hopes high boy.

How am I feeling?

I cried my eyes out last night because of josh. (Jan 26)

Did a 13 hour shift and closer to 9ish I messaged him asking how he was with his girl? And he replied back saying that

“I decided to say with her and see how things go, I don’t want to ruin anything because of our anniversary and that would break her. So I’m just going with the flow”

I read that message at work and sink in my seat. I felt bad all over again. Like wow.

I don’t know what i was expecting with him tbh. Like he fed me the idea that he was unhappy with his girl, and that’s what i kinda took and ran with it.

I cried so much last night, both eyes tearing when i normally cry form my left only.

I felt my chest getting heavy and my breathing was barely there. Like I was hurt bad. Then i started thinking about all the other guys who’ve put me last.

He wants to protect her and her feelings okay, but also look at mine, I had sex with you, I hung out with you, I make stupid moves and showed you who I was.

I shouldn’t be catching feelings but, once you been shown something that feels so good it’s kind of hard to forget about it.

I asked myself this question last night:

When are these guys going to look at me and see me. When are they going to be like damn I really hurt her. When? Cause I’m giving up at this point.

Even hair.

I went to see him Thursday Jan 26 @ night. Had back and forth messages through text. I made plans to see him Thursday at 6.. but I was running late and there was traffic.. he asked me to come by his ends.. okay.. but when I got there he was in a white van, light tints, parking in an open space.. so i was kind of shocked how low he thought of me. He said he couldn’t hang up the call cause he was on a conference “meeting” call.. so he put it on mute and fucked me right there in the open space next to a church. I felt disgusted with myself afterwards. Like I can’t believe I allowed myself to want that.. met up with Marisa after that didn’t tell her it was Thursday we had sex but told her we fucked Wednesday. I feel no ways towards hair at this point either, cause josh was bigger than him but also how he didn’t care tbh. Like you finger me that’s just it. He doesn’t even eat. And I was doing the most on his dick. Like the fucking most deep throating it, back and forth holding it there for a bit then going on. I don’t even know if he came from head cause he switched me over like 5 mins into it. We fucked, I felt space between his dick I think I got bigger but 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Spoke about josh with Marisa she says he’s a pussy. Which he is. Didn’t tell Marisa about hair cause she would look at me crazy.

Who wouldn’t look at their friend and think of them as a thot or hoe? After fucking a guy in a open space next to a church? Damn.

Feb 7th cont. recap

It’s been 2 weeks so far since I fucked hair..

Didn’t speak to him afterwards or anything, after I left the car he asked me a question saying basically how I want sex but I don’t get it as much as I want. Told him yah and something along the lines of I got a guy but my sex drives on high lately... idk wtf I said but when I left that car I had no intentions of linking him up again.

Josh.

After crying my eyes out, our snap streak died. I also decided to just let it be. I worked that pervious night on the 27th of Jan. So we been just sending memes on insta and Snapchat was pretty dry, on Sunday feb 2nd he has the nerve to message me a snap with 1 second.. I was busy doing school work and replied back along the lines of “you sending 1 second snaps might as well send a nude cause I can’t see shit” so.. he send a dick video.. I sent back a twerking vid (someone I sent to hair) and then.. that was it. He saved the video and nothing else. I went to sleep woke up seen a meme and we never spoke about the video afterwards.. that following week, he messages me saying come by his place and we can go swimming. Uhm.. I did want to go but honestly.. it’s just conflicting cause I’d be holding myself back knowing he has a girl and wants to fuck. So I just lied and said I was busy. On Wednesday night that week, the fuck it in me went thru but instead it was just to “kick it” didn’t bring a bathing suit, went there just to smoke and leave it as is. We smoked in his parking lot basement, felt that all over again, he was talking about my body telling me i got thicker, i just wanted to hang as friends but honestly we could’ve, but i felt his vibe and I left. Now I’m high as fuck and went home. He sends me a message asking when is he gonna see me again. I told him when the weather ain’t shit & that convo died.

Fast forward now to second week of February..

Past Monday he sent a snap with 👀 eyes.

I replied back wassup? He’s like I’m tryna see you.. alright, bam.. I was on the phone with Valentina and then replied back saying what you wanna do? He’s like you... so I let the convo go until he said he wanted to fuck. I paged him saying “you confusing as fuck, don’t be saying one thing and do another” he replied back saying sorry and alright. So fucking short and quick. Wow. I was on the phone with vale during that time and then later on in the night I sent him a snap saying “I just wanna fuck no confusion just fuck?” And he replied back saying the same thing.. then told me to pull up it was like 10 ish at night or so I had shit to do the next morning told him nah can’t but tomorrow...

Now fast forward to yesterday aka Tuesday feb 5.. he messages me in the evening around 5ish saying he finishing up with his lawyer, told him come by my ends. He comes by my ends but I’m paranoid cause my older bros out and i don’t want him seeing me. I pick him up from the station with the quickness. Ended up just driving down the Main Street all the way until I reached downtown. Smh my dumb ass was literally in the heart of the city and I didn’t know what to do. So the car ride was pretty chill we just talked about nothing pretty much. His girl friend wasn’t brought up, his feelings wasn’t brought up but he kept saying things like you cute, sexy ass. Etc to show he was into me. I went in dressed as a niggah. No make up, hair tied back, black sweats and a grey hoodie. Wtf am I looking cute for tryna get some dick?

Anyways. We leave downtown go to a park next to the lake and smoke. The ground is filled with Ice and I’m sliding all over the place in my A1’s. smh. We smoke it’s pretty outside but cold a fuck, we get back in my car & I think the biggest mistake I did that night was giving him the keys to my car. I was high but fuck, I should never allowed him to drive. He drove back to his ends and we said fuck it went into his parking basement and fucked right there. I gave him some head and then said it was time to fuck, he goes in to put it in and I’m like where’s the condom??????!!!!!! He said he didn’t have one and forgot when we went to 7/11.. smh he said he’ll pull out but I was so scared then he went in to give me head tryna get me wet.. like wow this guy is a fucking goof, he knows what he’s doing. After I said I was kinda iffy he went in to get me horny.. smh

We fucking how he’s going in hard and I’m digging my nails into his thigh, I’m pretty sure I left marks.. he pulls out and I felt a drip. He asks me to finish him off by giving him head so I go in. I’m sucking it deep throating it until he says that it’s painful.. okay, so I’m just sucking the tip and moving my hands with his dick.. he kept saying “oh shit” and I didn’t know what was going on thought I was hurting him but after I pulled up he told me he came.. wtf I swallowed it and I didn’t even know?? Kinda disrespectful tbh, like let me know when you coming so I can catch it. Anyhoo, I swallowed and sat up, he said that this was the short amount of sex he had but the most intense ever, lol okay? We leave the parking spot and he drives us out. I don’t want to be seen tbh. So.. we get outside have a cig and then I leave him off. He was paranoid his moms would see him from the window. Smh okay whatever.

I’m ashamed with myself big time but at the same time I wanted that dick so badly. Like confusing as fuck how you want to say one thing then do another...

We fucked and that was that. Wednesday he had to do that immigration stuff so he didn’t really message me or anything, Thursday now; I asked him how it went and he said he got accepted. Okay... wow..

But shits not gonna change. I’m dead ass just leaving it as that, like I caught myself wanting dick again just thinking about Tuesday night smh. Now I have to wait until my period comes to make sure I’m not pregnant. Smh my periods due sometime this week or next week. But woowerz.

Let’s just be friends?

And with being friends you can’t be all sexual towards me. Gotta have boundaries. No hand holding, back grabbing or kissing.

Let’s just fuck?

And with fucking we can’t be friends cause that’s just going to lead to wanting it more than we should. Wanting more than each other’s time.. peeping what we doing and who we with?

Let’s just dead it?

Cause fucking or being friends is just too much at this point. We can both just do our own thing and not worry about each other?

Who knows what’s next cause it feels like at this point shit just happens randomly in life.

[wonhuis]

(pt 1/2) Oh I didn’t know that about the studio but that def sounds like a factor that influenced production, what a bummer. A ‘he just doesn’t like me’ scene would’ve been good! But yeah, fuck him saying 'have u ever embraced like this' >:( I get him not wanting haru to know his background but then he did that? It just seems like aki doesn’t know wtf he wants. Yeah i didn't think gusari would go there but if there’s gonna be more love triangle drama ohh boy. gimme more mafu/ueno instead lol

(pt 2/2) Jian yi is best boy :) Omg okay I’m glad we’re on the same page w 19 days bc I feel u. As u said the fact that he tian takes advantage of mo needing money and isn't nice towards him is :/ It seems like his sexual and often violent advances are for idk, comedic relief? But idk if it’s bc she started off the whole thing just randomly doodling Jian yi and xixi but the plot pacing is so slow and has a serious case of they’re minors but have adult bodies weirdness. Do u read here u are btw?

tbh idk if they worked together for tokyo ghoul but if not, then it’s a big coincidence lmao i know that for boruto studio drop only worked in a few eps but idk about tg... but either way it’s sad rip 

i know! he’s always been confused tbh like he still loves ugetsu but they don’t work well together, then he sleeps with everyone available and get’s angry when ugetsu does the same. then he wants to protect haru from himself but does that!!! and it’s ??? like wtf does this man want ffs he can’t have everyone!! or hurt everyone that wants him!! that’s not how life works smh... “gimme more mafu/ueno instead” BIGGEST MOOD EVER LMAOOOO i’m not big on love triangle drama and this one seems like it’s gonna be as messy as it can get rip i just want my main couple to be happy and cute now that they’re together ;; 

ugh u truly are an intellectual!! i’m rlly happy we think the same bc a lot of people on the internet think they’re cute and that makes me really :// but yeah, there are some scenes that look like comic relief but to me they arent at all lmao like that one scene where they’re in a spa and there’s a prostate massage available and it basically says that he tian shoved his fingers up mo’s ass while he was clearly saying no. it was a “light” and “funny” scene bc apparently ppl think this is comedy but it made me so uncomfortable ugh that one time he tian faked getting hurt with tomato sauce and mo sent him a text like “you don’t actually annoy me” i almost CRIED because this happens so much in real life, mo guan shan was always telling he tian to go the fuck away but then one day he tian LIES about being hurt and mo gets worried bc he’s so used to being manipulated by now and it’s just :///// it’s so bad it’s such a bad relationship :/ and yes omg!! they look so weird like i rlly thought they were in college already but wtf they’re like 15 or something while looking 20+ and that’s weirddddd. also yeah it was just a bunch of random doodles at the beginning and tbh sometimes it still seems like it lmao it’s kinda confusing sometimes about what’s happening, i just know i’m tired and i want my jian yi/zheng xi interactions backkkkk

and i do!!! i love it a lot! i think the art is so pretty and yuyang reminds me a lot of oikawa so i love him for that skadanfk also i love a confident gay it makes me really happy! esp the fact that the plot isn’t “a gay is bullied” like most plots are lmao he has real struggles and i appreciate that! and yuyang’s friends are soooo adorable, i love their chemistry and dabai is rlly cute ksnkjsa also! pan shu reminds me a lot of haru lmao 

#man i really ramble a lot huh #anime anon 😍 #anon #asks

[solasulad]

November Update Mo’de.

November 9th I don’t even know what’s going on. I thought I wanted dick tbh. Like thought I was okay with fucking with him cause I didn’t feel anything for him. Turns out I play myself and etc you already know how this goes...

So I’ve been talking to mode on and off lately mostly weekdays for like 2 weeks we been texting. Was supposed to see him Sunday or something but said fuck it and he never replied back. So he says he has a phone issue okay I get it cause he downgraded to a iPhone 6. Kinda make sense but idk if I even wanna believe his phones been acting up since February.

So.. we had talks of plans on meeting up. Come Monday he’s been very friendly with me via text. Even when I give him half ass replies he takes it and says something else. Told me me missed me again, I said yah sure should’ve ghosted your ass he’s like why? I told him he’s like sorry we can chill this week. This week ended up turning into a w/e feeling tbh. Like I was horny mad horny i was even down to fuck him and not say anything either. Just go there fuck and leave nothing else. Maybe even end it the feeling was just trash tell him I moved on or something and that I want to focus on my self. Sound like a white bitch but it’s true. I really wanted to end it at some point. Everyone I know says he’s not worth it. Damn even my mom says he’s not worth it. He challenges my insecurities. He isn’t that good looking but he makes me feel like I’m just average at best.

Nov 20th So cont. he sends me a message on Tuesday asking about my bday and that I should let him know if anything changes. I said I would, then he finishes the text sentence for me with one word & I reply back like you finishing my sentences he’s like yah real one I’m like cringing rn he’s like boo I’m like don’t.

Lol^ but he never texts me affectionate stuff so that was a turn off since I was already tryna distance myself from that.

So come to Wednesday we still talk via text only** I was horny too 😭 so I messaged him asking if he was busy after work. Then replied back he’s with his homie.. asked me if tomorrow was okay I was like okay.

I just wanted some dick tbh nothing else maybe a little cuddle that’s all 😰

Come Thursday, we text during the morning was still replying late the other day. W/e but we did have plans to link up that night. - we link up Thursday night. He pulls up to tim hortons in my area and I get into his car. We’re just talking for like a bit suddenly out of nowhere my younger brother pulls up, him and his friend in my step dads car. I see him get out the car smoking a cigarette and just standing there.

I’m shook at this point. I lean back in mode’s car because I don’t want to be seen. I confused because I don’t wanna expose myself but I want to approach him and smack him across his head. So he goes into Tim hortons, mode tells me that I should go and just say I saw him pulling out of the drive way. Once he goes inside I quickly run in the store and approach him. I look at him and can tell he’s high. His eyes red, smells like shit & can’t even focus.

So I talk to him and tell him fix up. That’s not the kinda path he’s gonna wanna be on when he’s older.

Long story short, I told him go home and I’m see him there.

I leave the area call mo’de to link up again and he follows me to another spot near by. We talk for a bit I can’t even remember what cause it was two week ago. But we talked for a bit then started making out. He pulls up to another spot, we get in the back and he’s so horny. My intentions that night was to fuck. But the whole seeing my bro thing fucked me up. Like my mind wasn’t there. I couldn’t do it.

I couldn’t fuck knowing what I saw. And he was really horny too. I recall him kissing my neck down to my breast and me feeling sad. Like I felt like crying. I even shed a tear but wiped it away. I was just looking at him rubbing his chin, and asking him if he missed me he’s like he does. But I ended that night. Told him I had to go, it was getting late he’s like what, come on Im super H’d. My whole Mode just changed man. Like I felt like crying, felt so bad and sad. Just wanted to be held nothing more. I realized it he can’t love me and that hurts. He can’t love me how I want him to love me. Made me even cry harder that night. So I left it as that. Messaged him later that night when I got home saying I was sorry & that shit just caught me off guard. Didn’t mean it. He’s like he understands. Texted him Friday morning also and then he said he could see me later on after work. I said that was cool, yah cause it’s Friday why not. So I ended up agreeing for 8:30 ish. My friend was buggin so I invited her over and went to the mall together to do a little outfit  shopping for Marisa’s bday. So... times getting closer and he’s not hitting me up. I message him at 9 and ask busy? He’s like yah i say it’s okkk. I leave it as that. From Friday to next week Thursday I never hear from him.  Whole week last week I was like when’s he gonna text me. Check for me? Send me snap? Nothing. Anyways I literally left it as it is, & see a text from him Thursday afternoon asking what’s up. I reply back and so we make plans to link again. He asks about my mtl plans and that’s a flop. Says he’s still going so I’m like lol have fun, he’s like why don’t you come. Awww he’s such a lair I love it. Like tell me to come with you and you gonna hurt my feelings. That’s what niggahs do.

November 22nd cont. He texted me Thursday we talk about the basic shit and kinda make plans to link up but the doesn’t happen. Friday night we say let’s met after work, okay bomb so it’s planned. I get home and have to deal with my older bro getting him a rental under my name. Smh so I’m running back and forth in traffic in the city with him. Let mo’de kno what’s going on. Text him he’s like it’s cool, after works still a go. I get back to the house around 8pm perfect timing. Tell Hoyo I’m about to step out for a bit then bam. He hits me with “his friend got into an accident this is his second accident in two weeks” damn I said. Alright.

Next morning he asked what I was up to I was busy dealing with family wedding planning that weekend so I wasn’t really checking for him like that. I send a text asking if he could visit me and he’s like yah around after the wedding and he’s like yah that’s okay. I’m at the wedding waiting for a text back from him kinda, cause it was an early wedding dinner. By 9:30 I was out that place back home. Didn’t want to stay home but I tried to see what he was up too. No reply back I just left it as that. Texts me in the morning Saturday now asking what I went when I texted him. Convo continued, it was kinda dry. But never really cared. Just wanted dick at that point but also was on my period :(..

He still messages me Monday and we agree to see each other after work. The time comes to see him and I’m already ready at this point. I’m home I leave without telling anyone just out the house Start the car and wait to text him.

We met around his ends a plaza parking lot. I arrived at the plaza around 8:10 maybe waited till 8:40 for this guy. So I was just in the car playing music crying going through emotions while waiting for him.

He comes, I get in his car and we drive off to the back of the plaza... I’m on my period so nothing could even happen. But he parks the car and we talk. We didn’t talk about my bday or the Mtl trip, we didn’t talk about us and how we wanna go from here, we didn’t talk about texts and how we waste each other time. Instead we talk about stupid shit that won’t even matter. I just called him names that whole night. Made fun of him jokingly but seriously. But I did kiss him when I got into the car at first.  

Woah, my train of thoughts everywhere. Shit probably doesn’t even make sense but I’m tryna sum it up. So we talked for a bit then made out. Jumped into the back seat to make out further. Took my jacket off and had him kissing all over me. His soft ass kisses, shit got intense cause I felt his boner through my pants and pad. I had him screaming, moaning telling me he’s coming don’t stop. My jaw got fucking tired but it ended he came so much cum holy. But to end that night, he told me to text when I get home, I told him hit me up if you wanna go out, aka niggah I’m tryna go out..

So fast forward next day Tuesday I’m still calling him names via text. Convo doesn’t really go anywhere but I wanna see him again 😔😔 I just wanna cudddle it’s so cold outside :(

Wednesday I tell him I wanna cuddle then says come then said I’m wild for leaving in the cold. W/e I just want dick and to cuddle not a big deal.

Don’t have plans with him to see him but once my period ends I’m gonna fuck.

- Friday November 23rd. 

So i thought. 

Thursday evening around 7pm the convo was going. Mostly all Tuesday and Wednesday was kinda sex talk. But thursday night he messages me asking if i was home told him yah he's like lucky I'm like nah i wanna be cuddled up with you.... That was around 7pm.. 

i don't get a text back until 9am friday morning aka tonight.. He messages me like so come through.. Im like damn. its a little to late now, then he follows up with a confusing ass convo talking about how he always fucks up things.. Im like L o L have a good weekend talk to you monday.. He's like where you going? I'm like dead at this point because nothing he's saying makes sense and is confusing as fuck. So i sent a text around 6 or 7pm once again and get no reply now its 11:30 just ending off the night. 

Well i know what we are and know we won't be anything more. I don't want a relationship no matter how much my tummy feels for it. 

I can't deal with that that type of fucked up ness in my life. 

Either you with me or you aren't.