#tell me and ill probably panic more idk

[seungisms]

🖇️📁 𝐒𝐊𝐙 … 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐏𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐊 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 '𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐇𝐈𝐃𝐄! 𝐌𝐘 𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐈𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆'

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fluff and general dumbassery

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: himbo!changbin, himbo!jisung, tiktok pranks and danni's shitty attempt at comedy

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: ngl i made felix shorter than the rest cause i just know his ass would'nt fall for this shit, my guy would probably be the one to do this prank on u 😭 similar to my last tiktok prank reaction, check it out here! reblog for a kiss, feedback much appreciated!

𝐁𝐀𝐍𝐆 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍

your stupid tiktok pranks are the bane of this mans existence

such a boomer

stares at you like (ಠ_ಠ) as you’re trying to push him into your room to hide

he already has to deal with seven other idiots causing him emotional distress on a daily basis and yet here you are joining in?

breaks into a sweat as soon as the word ‘boyfriend’ leaves your lips

literally like ???? idk if you knew this but,,, I’M your boyfriend 

will dig his feet into the carpet as you’re trying to push him through the door and won’t move until you explain yourself >:(

you just think he looks sososo cute confused and frustrated so you crack pretty quickly 

after u explain he just does that disappointed dad sigh™️ and walks away 

if u weren’t such a cutie he would’ve ditched ur ass by now istg

𝐋𝐄𝐄 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐇𝐎

so close to snapping 

can’t deal with ur shit anymore

(he loves you really)

(but fr he’s on his last straw, you stress him out)

literally just chilling on one of his rare days off scrolling through his phone when you strike

now ur all up in his face like ‘bro u need to hide! my boyfriend is on his way!!’

legit just stares you out for a minute straight before just

‘get tf away from me 😃’

and you can tell he’s not gonna fall for another one of ur stupid pranks but u also can’t give up now cause u made a bet with felix so

‘no i’m serious! he’s like two minutes away, hide!!’

will continue sitting there

trust me he thinks ur really cute but he also wishes you’d just stfu once in awhile

if you continue on with your little prank he’ll just turn around and say ‘nah, i kinda wanna meet this guy now’

there’s no winning with his stubborn ass trust me

𝐒𝐄𝐎 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐁𝐈𝐍

was asleep

so peaceful

then suddenly a wild girlfriend (you) appears

you felt kinda bad for disturbing him cause !! he looked so cute !! all pouty and sleepy

but still tiktok pranks reign superior than ur boyfriends sleep

so fking confused and doesn’t know what tf is going on

his fight or flight kicks in as soon as ur panicked whisper of ‘quick! my boyfriend is on his way, you need to hide!’ hits his ears

tucks and rolls right underneath that bed

will peek out from under the bed and be like ‘this good? 👍’ pls

himbo!changbin for the win

will hide for a good half hour before he realises 

hey

wait

i’m the boyfriend

bitches about it for at l e a s t two weeks

𝐇𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐘𝐔𝐍𝐉𝐈𝐍

gets so worked up about it lmao

will be in the middle of a nice ~peaceful~ snack 

before being rudely interrupted

just stares u in the face with that real bitchy eye squint he loves to do

‘oh u think ur funny’

and you almost give up on the prank cause he’s just giving you the side eye while munching on his snack

loves to make you feel dumb 

he gets so annoyed over it but the more you insist on him to hide the more he actually starts to believe it

deep down he knows it’s a joke but also gets jealous over this non-existent side piece you have <3

‘okay fine, ill hide. but only cause ur cute.’

hides all grumpy in the storage cupboard with his snack

all you can hear are angry chewing noises

(ex: soobin)

another one to bring this up in future and bitch over it

whenever you ask him to help you with smith he’ll just be like

‘oh why don’t you get your boyfriend to help you’ and walks away

petty af but we been knew

but he’s pretty so you let him have it

𝐇𝐀𝐍 𝐉𝐈𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆

so :o

listens very intently as you explain that your boyfriend is on his way and immediately goes into panic mode

‘okay i have a plan’

freaks out and drags you into the empty space below your stairs while shushing you

1/3 bimboracha 

‘he won’t find us here’

doesn’t understand why ur laughing ??? this is serious ???

9/10 chance he doesn’t know what’s actually going on

another one that takes way too long to figure out that he’s your boyfriend 

so close to organising an intervention against ur tiktok pranks

will make a 20 minute powerpoint on why tiktok should be banned in the dorms and will make you sit through the whole thing

idk just don’t do this to him, his dramatic ass wouldn’t be able to handle it

𝐋𝐄𝐄 𝐅𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐗

lee felix tiktok king™️

already knows what you’re trying to do before you even do istg

he’s ten steps ahead of you at all times with this tiktok shit

catches you looking at him out of the corner of your eye all morning and giggling and kinda had an idea of what you were planning

also he saw ur tiktok likes

this isn’t a cute little prank anymore this is a competition

on guard as soon as you strike and ready to shut that shit down

‘felix, quick hide in my closet! my boyfriend is gonna be here soon!!’

literally just goes

‘i’m ur boyfriend stupid’

and that’s that

there’s no fooling him

𝐊𝐈𝐌 𝐒𝐄𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐌𝐈𝐍

you planned to strike while he was asleep cause that’s the only time ur sure he won’t just immediately dismiss you and be like ‘tf are you on?’

swats you away a good three times as you try to shake him awake

does that grumpy teenager thing where he pulls the covers over his head and just hopes you’ll leave

if he can’t see u then u can’t see him

groans as soon as he hear that stupid tiktok line leave your mouth

just goes

‘okay?? i’m asleep anyway??? literally just hang out with him in the living room and go away???’

does not give a shit

you really wanna get him though

so you invite hyunjin over

and as soon as he hears another guys voice coming from the living room you bet ur ass he’s practically throwing himself down those stairs

just stares at you and hyunjin 

so fking out of breath

grumpily walks back up those stairs and you s w e a r  you heard him mumble ‘bitch’ under his breath 😭

𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐆 𝐉𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐈𝐍

confused

but also will do whatever you say cause he’s whipped af

human personification of that one hamster meme when you come rushing up to him freaking out about how your boyfriend was on his way over

panics with u

he doesn’t like seeing you stressed :( 

but in the middle of ur ranting he’s like

‘okay wait i can just hide in there- wait, boyfrIEND?! BUT I’M UR BOYFRIEND!!!1!!!!!11!!’

literally doesn’t know what to do when you just shush him

stays hiding in there until you take pity on him and tell him to come out

does his little walk of shame out and just stands there for a good five minutes staring at you

has never felt betrayal like it

has trust issues now

© 𝐬𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐬𝐦𝐬 — 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝. 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠/𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝.

#stray kids #stray kids reactions #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #skz reactions #skz imagines #skz fluff #stray kids fluff #bang chan x reader #lee minho x reader #seo changbin x reader #hwang hyunjin x reader #han jisung x reader #lee felix x reader #kim seungmin x reader #yang jeongin x reader #stray kids drabbles #stray kids headcanons

[alfiely-art]

I'm voting Kotoko Guilty this round for quite a few reasons. First off, the only other two characters who have been voted guilty are Haruka and Muu. Yk. Minors. Who are already in a shitty mindset, who's verdict will most likely make that worse? Yeah. I would rather not have them beat up by Kotoko. And she WOULD beat them up- she would have beat up Amane if she hadn't been stopped, and Amane is much younger than Haruka and Muu.

I don't even mind her fighting injustice to feel good about herself. I mean, she's still fighting injustice. Regardless of her personal feelings about it, she's still doing good things. It's the way she goes about it that worries me. The article she was reading on her phone states that "more violence than necessary was used". Of course, the article could always be biased, but Kotoko has shown herself to be a violent person. Her call to us to vote everyone else in Milgram as Guilty, regardless of their crime, is a request for us to give her permission to make them her enemy and crush them. She would apply the same amount of force to, say, Yuno- someone who simply had an abortion because she didn't want the baby- as a person who kidnapped a child.

Kotoko sees everything in black and white. Yuno's "crime" of an abortion is just as evil as Haruka's crime of murder. Here's a reminder of the character's crimes (from my understanding):

Haruka: killed out of desperation to be seen, to have his mother finally acknowledge him after he wasn't good enough (ie, neurotypical) to keep up with the other kids.

Yuno: Had an abortion because she didn't want the baby. She didn't have some tragic reason why, she had a normal life. She was simply doing as she pleased.

Fuuta: Took part in cancel culture, which ended up doxxing a minor and she took her own life. He didn't want to accept responsibility for this, but it was clearly weighing on his mind.

Muu: She bullied others with her friends, and then her friends turned on her. She reached out to a classmate for help, but didn't receive any. Muu stabbed her in a panic, after alluding to either her or the classmate dying at the end of all of this.

Shido: Medical malpractice ? I think ? It's still not clear to me idk

Mahiru: Abused her boyfriend until he offed himself due to her sheltered life and toxic positivity. She feels as though she can't change, and she wants someone to love even if it hurts both of them.

Kazui: Lied about romantically loving his wife so that he could fit in to society at large. When he finally opened up about his feelings, the shock of it all caused his wife to end her life. He cared for her, but can't continue lying like this.

Amane: Killed her abuser, and is clinging to religion to both justify it to herself and comfort herself.

Mikoto: Still unclear whether he or John did the murder, how many murders there were, who was murdered, etc. The focus isn't exactly on the murder, moreso how mentally ill people are pushed to their limit with no support or help from others and the unhealthy coping mechanisms that can arise from that.

She tells us to throw away our sympathy. But understanding and kindness and sympathy are so so so important- not just in Milgram, but everywhere else, too. Yes, these are just characters, but a popular theory is that they represent societal issues. And I do believe that's true. They may not be real, but they represent real problems real people face. By ignoring the nuance, we blindly swing at whatever we're told is "guilty". Kotoko only attacked the prisoners we announced as Guilty. She won't act on her own moral code, merely the law. We are the law in Milgram, so she follows us.

I adore Kotoko, but her mindset is genuinely dangerous. While this is unlikely (cough, Amane) I hope her Guilty vote will help her. But it probably won't- Guilty votes destroy a person. But I can't vote her Innocent, either. I don't forgive her for her black and white thinking. Thus, she is Guilty to me. I'm very curious how she'll develop after this. I'm a little scared, too, but oh well.

#milgram #textpost #milgram kotoko #kotoko yuzuriha #opinions #milgram voting #if you disagree id love to hear your perspective #about kotoko i mean. shes the focus #i adore her but she scares me also

[bioethicists]

hi i hope you dont mind this question. i assume because you are anti psych/mad liberation (me too) you probably also get the pro psych reaction of "thats dangerous" and "its not all like that" and the accusation that acknowledging the fact that psychiatric and therapy "care" is so bad will make people quit that care and they will inevitably get worse and it'll be your fault? im an anti psych blogger and this really messes me up because my whole thing is that i DONT want mentally ill ppl to suffer, and thats the whole reason i AM anti psych. and i am afraid ppl will somehow be harmed by me telling the truth or making (evil!) generalizations about psych professionals, etc.

to me it seems incredibly reactionary, usually comes with a moral panic flavor, and is chock full of victim blaming cliches. it seems to me that it hinges on the fear and threat of 1. a Crazy person rejecting treatment and 2. a Crazy person rejecting authority, so again, it seems to be based mostly in stigma. and yet it does seem true and possible that ppl will be influenced in ways that turn out poorly and i dont want that to happen either. and yet again, framing it like "dont tell ppl what health care to pursue" is a misnomer since psych care is simply about social control... and that facade of health care just protects them from criticism in a bad faith way cause it makes you look anti vax adjacent and telling ppl not to see doctors. im not really interested in telling ppl what to do when it comes to accessing psych care, but my general analysis is that: is refusing psych care possibly dangerous? yes. is getting psych care also possibly dangerous? yes.

anyway the main question is if/how you deal with this. both intellectually and emotionally. cause i think its possibly the hardest part of sharing anti psych views in public. it makes me feel guilty and afraid. and i think making splicing disclaimers sucks and is stupid. so idk. thanks for reading.

first of all, i absolutely do experience this + it used to piss me off more than it does now but now it mostly makes me sad. i think you summed it up so well when you said that both refusing + seeking psych care can be dangerous.

part of it is that, the deeper i root into my belief in bodily autonomy, the more i stop punishing myself if someone takes a good faith, well-phrased assertion i've made + spins that into something harmful which i never said or intended. i am very deliberate to only spread information that pushes for expanding + critiquing methods of healing, stressing that my goal is to free people from suffering, not compound it.

i know that some people who are struggling with paranoia or self-destructive impulses read mad liberation talking points (often finding their ways to the more conspiracy fueled or recklessly phrased ones) + respond in ways that end up harming them, like cold-turkey going off antipsychotics or firing their entire treatment teams to take sketchy supplements. it does make me very sad that this happens, because like you said, i want these people to be happy + not suffer.

however, i rarely see comparable conversation about how people take the logics of the psych system and use THOSE to harm themselves. many people with similar traits to those who do what you are describing are just as likely to use the logics of psychiatry to punish themselves or distance themselves from others. they use 'coping mechanisms' punitively by becoming obsessed with 'clean' eating/dieting, organization/academics, being the Perfect Patient. they tell others + themselves that they are neurologically incapable of love or healthy relationships or pleasure. they isolate themselves because they believe they are fundamentally toxic or abusive. they dismiss their emotions as "just symptoms" + actively chastise themselves or try to train themselves out of experiencing any anger towards others or even any negative emotions at all. they admit themselves to psych wards frequently not out of a reasonable concern that they will hurt themselves or others but because they believe they belong in a psych ward any time they are experiencing symptoms. the list goes on.

all of that being said, i do experience genuine concern that people might read what i write + because of self-hatred or intense paranoia, read some sort of mandate or advice that isn't there + end up in more pain. because this exact thing also happens with psychiatry, which the naysayers you describe above are not concerned with, i don't think they're actually worried about hurting people. they are worried about Crazy people Not Getting Help. it comes from a place of paternalism + fear.

another, more positive aspect of it is that i do genuinely believe that many people are not being helped by their treatment teams but think they Have To be in therapy or in a hospital or on meds despite them not helping because that's What You Do. so they have been sitting around waiting for five years of therapy or their seventh ssri to start doing something meaningful. some of them just needed to hear: you don't have to do this; it might not be the right thing for you. i actually think these people are really well-served by hearing about anti-psych/mad lib stuff + them quitting therapy/meds/treatment ends up allowing them to look for other pathways for dealing with emotional suffering.

ultimately, i think mad liberation that focuses on true autonomy + total liberation of all peoples provides a clearer path forward for people to return from these places of intense paranoia or self destruction. i think we are all so used to being deprived of autonomy that, when we first get it back, we often stumble with it or try to provoke someone into taking it away from us. that is just going to continue to happen if we respond to it by making autonomy conditional. a LOT of us feel like we're not allowed to heal if it's not a moral mandate, so hearing that it isn't feels like nobody cares. we have to find new ways of showing that we care which don't involve exerting power over others.

#anti psychiatry #long n rambling sorryyy

[elsfairy]

how do you think would sevika react to finding out her gf (or wife) is afraid of the dark but was too embarrassed to tell her?

OKAY (i used to be terrified of the dark lol) ill do this for gf, if you were her wife sevika would probably know this already :)

this is just my way of thinking but, I think Sevika wouldn't even need you to tell her that you're scared of the dark. At first, you'll probably just play it off and not bother saying anything about it, but of course, she can tell something is wrong when your body starts trembling beside hers in the bed. For the most part, she's probably confused, and thinking you're getting sick or you're just really cold. But when she tries to wrap her arms around you, you're panicking. (i did this so I'm just using what I did when I was scared)

"hey, it's just me, I won't hurt you. What's the matter?"

When you finally mention that you sleeping in the dark is something that makes you uneasy and scared, she's out of bed instantly, rushing around which is making you panic even more and you're worried that she thinks it's stupid, but when she switches on the small lamp beside the bed, you're a little calmer. "I didn't know, I'm sorry baby"

Sevika won't judge you, or laugh at you. She will understand you. She's scared of things but of course, won't ever tell you that. But she will do anything to see you a little relaxed. If that means buying one of those small night lights to help you then she will. If it means holding you extra tight then she will do it. Idk, I think Sevika would whisper words into your ear, telling you that it's okay to be scared of the dark, reassuring you that nothing in the room can hurt you and she will fight away anything that terrifies you.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm an adult who is scared of the dark.. I was embarrassed.."

"There is nothing to be embarrassed about, being scared of something is normal, it's human nature. Won't ever let you be scared though, I'm always going to be here to help you through it"

Honestly, she would listen to everything that you're scared of, so she can protect you from it. She would take notes on small things too that scare you, all so she can prevent them from affecting you. Even if it takes a little longer. Probably makes jokes about the dark being scared of her, but if it gets you to relax and laugh then she's doing what she promised.

the woman is doing it all. She won't let anything or anyone hurt you. She's comforting you 24/7 and won't leave.

#my asks #sevika imagine #sevika x you #arcane sevika #sevika #sevika x reader #sevika arcane

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey cas,

so, i dont really know exactly how to word things right so please bear with me while i try to explain a bit.

i think i have bipolar disorder (or something similar, im still looking into things), but i dont know if im just going crazy and imagining things. theres not really anyone in my life i can talk to about it to gauge their opinion, so im kind of left by myself to deal with it.

i dont have a trusted adult or loved one i can go to for help, and ive not been to a doctor since probably 2017 at the latest so im not even sure who id be making an appointment with to discuss anything like this. ive considered trying to get myself into therapy but im afraid that if i go in saying that i think im bipolar and have other mental illnesses (im about 99% certain i have anxiety and likely some sort of depressive disorder too, but that might be more linked with the mood swings of bipolar) that its the wrong way to go about it? like, i might just be really ignorant but i dont think thats how therapy works is it?

basically im worried that if i go in saying the disorders i think i have, then theyll tell me im exaggerating or that i need other people to back me up or that i do need to see my gp doctor (which, again, i dont actually think i have one) or that it isnt my place to try to diagnose myself etc.

im not really sure what im asking here? maybe if you have any advice/experience about what therapy is actually like or what i could expect? or a better way to go about getting help? i really dont know honestly aha, sorry

Well, you've definitely come to the right place lol, I've been to and ghosted many a therapist! (Don't ghost your therapist!)

Actually, recently I started therapy again and it's been a great experience, so let me tell you about it. Warning: I live in the US, so if you live elsewhere, it might be different.

When you start therapy, they're going to ask you a LOT of questions. Lots about your background, your childhood, your feelings, etc. It'll feel a bit invasive, but make sure to be honest! Like brutally honest. Like if you're like...'I might be feeling this way but idk if I'm faking..' tell them that. They need to know everything.

Then, if you're a minor, they'll talk to your parents and get their insight. If you have issues with your parents, make sure to tell them that BEFORE this part happens, so they can take what your parents say with a grain of salt.

Last, they'll give you a 'tentative diagnosis.' This means that this is what they think you have, but it's not a die-hard medical diagnosis. They'll treat you based on this, but if you ever wanted accommodations in school or anything for it, you would have to go to a clinical psychiatrist to get it written up.

Here's the thing: the diagnosis my surprise you or even make you feel invalidated. If it does? Tell them that. Because, two things: One- they may have gotten something wrong. Or two- they need to know if you aren't understanding something fully.

To be very personal, I am diagnosed with both depression and anxiety. When I started therapy recently and again got those diagnoses, I wasn't surprised. But I also was told I have 'illness-anxiety disorder' which is the new term for a hypochondriac. I was super insulted because I was picturing the stereotypical hypochondriac who fakes illnesses for attention (this was uneducated of me) but my therapist explained that this version of anxiety more means that I have a lot of anxiety related to being nervous to get sick or the results of getting sick. Which was like- oh. yeah. I do panic every time someone sneezes on me. My therapist said this has become increasingly common since COVID.

All this to say it sounds like seeking out therapy might be a great way for you to get the answers you're looking for. But even if they're not the answers you think they'll be, remember that your feelings and experiences are still extremely valid and no less real.

<3 <3 <3

#ask #asks #ask cas #therapy

[ivegennedmylastloss]

hidey hodey neighborinoes i know i may or may not have disappeared for like half a fucking year but brain does what brain do. since i am now willing to admit that i likely will not find the motivation to write a full length fic like i would want, i wanted to post the “outline” (re: complete gibberish only past me could understand). at some point i’ll try to compile all the tidbits i had sprinkled across drafts and docs and try to clean it up a little but, well, im not even sure what i meant in some spots. hopefully ill pull the writers block out of my ass one day but until then, take this word vomit:

(for clarifications sake, r= red/ranboo, g= green/charlie, b= blue/sneeg, h= hetch, sfm= showfall media)

retelling of ep three from hetch’s pov. mask broke sfm doesn’t know. reset after stab still aware of what he’s doing but can’t control himself. hopeful ending with planning to save the trio and get them out?

the closet sfm is onto hetch so he has to do damage control ran receiving no instructions. things settle scenes been dragging he panics and basically controls r to kill ethan

maybe broadcasted to a different universe. problem w family and friends recognize

maybe broadcasted to rich assholes like in the purge/gladiator type deal?

the face of the hacker wasn’t actually supposed to do things but did anyways

follow up w/ rgb saving him g and b reluctant. r insist they won’t let anyone else die because of them. idk burn the mall maybe torch it like a fuckin wasp nest

employees stop at the door mannequins little nightmares two.

all four struggling down the road maybe r passing out carried by g or b

hot wire a car

traumatize gas station clerk

fire department from fire alarm

hetch flag down car 2 options:

car sped off but called police for them

offered ride to hospital

hetch the sidewalk isn’t wide enough fourth wheel type deal mostly unscathed compared to rgb but smol bean has anxiety and left over programming. weak little noodle arms can’t help shit. b sending hella death glares

b wouldn’t want to help hetch

r electrocuted from attempted mask removal

through the power of friendship and laws of physics or electrical plasma whatever it isn’t fatal hoorah

hetch stunned doesn’t help gb fuckin pissed at him

paramedics confused about what happened to these very dedicated cosplayers that are found half dead barely hours after the live finale

r wakes and is terrified thinking they’re at the box and start screaming for gb. hetch freezes g n b have to be held back by police

hospital r coma from noggin surgery (medically induced for healing cause wtf) g and b want to kick hetch’s ass only stop cause of r

prob not ccs maybe r foster kid hinted maybe

b needs to get to punch someone. american healthcare so probably a doctor or a nurse

hetch medically released first<irrelevant travel distance. hetch watching charlie and sneeg have friends and family going in and out but r has no on so hetch goes

others not allowed in camp out in waiting room. ran wakes up and freaks. competent doc allows them in and r calms down. good doc fights for them to be able to stay in the room psych health. special accommodations are made no tv in room gets a double room for more beds/couches <<needs special room post brain surgery op icu maybe nurse/doc maneuverability <<< maybe one allowed in at a time

^the nice doctor thrown in for pity maybe philza if crossover? detective techno? or both detectives that almost beat the shit outta the responding cops for fucking up the most important case they’d ever get

sfm sends an employee pretending to be ranboos mom. the others are scared but also she is acting like a mom that lost her kid so maybe it’s okay??<< others not allowed in the room since family only? nope ran wakes up freaks cause that bitch ain’t momboo (dead question mark? orphan? don’t tell techno)

employee tries to strangle r no loose ends: doc pulls her off; trio breaks in hetch proves himself?; r is a bamf and defends themself (hitting? reverse uno they strangle her? rips out iv and stabs her?< needle to weak would have to be in eye)

r scared to sleep from cabin electrocution and execution hold hand 👉👈?

carousel saved NO FIRE IF CAROUSEL perhaps a group meet for victims ranboo and hetch reluctant to enter cause they think they’re their murderers. eef spots r and runs to hug him others follow positive to r wary to hetch b says hetch is the one responsible for saving all of them bada bing bada boom happy ending

#generation loss #genloss #gen loss #generation loss ranboo #ranboo #yell at me if i need to remove some tags im still a newbie #this draft has been sitting on my conscience like a tungsten cube and i just wanted to get it out #hello person sorting by new scrolling through the tags i hope you have a good day

[girlwithfish]

tbh I think you should share with his mom some of the details of the horrible things he said and did to you, send her a message or something. he deserves punishment for the suffering he forced upon you and everyone should know what an abusive piece of trash he is, they shouldn't have to believe his lies.

yeah i agree! i just dont really trust that his family or ppl who know him more than me will really believe me. ive seen how he talks to cops and bystanders and his family about me he manipulates them easily. its easy to tell them im unwell and im the one with bpd and hes doing x y and z to keep me safe or bc im not well or he always has an excuse its scary and ppl have believed him. i lost respect and any trust in his mom after i tried reaching out to her twice that week or two leading up to the breakup where the first time she basically said He doesnt want u to leave bc of the state ur in hes concerned for u xo. i probably downplayed it a bit bc i didnt wanna be like he shoved me in a closet when i was having a panic attack and a breakdown sobbing and crying and so distressed bc he physically prevented me from leaving the room and apartment. she didnt care that i had to run out of the apartment to use a strangers phone. basically after a while of arguing outside w him and his mom on the phone w two strangers there using one of their phones she just told us to take it inside and the lady whose phone i was using walked me back into the apartment with him lmfao. she just believes his story idk. second time i had him call her bc i thought shed comvince him to give me my phone back this was the night i left i was pretty firm abt breaking up and saying i wanted to leave he wouldnt let me lol. idk what she said think she suggested he give me my phone back but he just hung up on her lol. i begged him to call 911 or smth bc he took my phone and hid my laptop and i was terrified to be inside there w him w nothing and no 3rd party and he wouldnt at first and then when i said im gonna just walk out (its impossible for me to just grab my car keys to MY car btw and leave bc he will stop me and we will fight over the keys.) he said ok u can but ill call the cops on u. so lol. Idk. i feel i will come off as vindictive or smth if i try to do that i dont really have faith or trust in her and i think i just need to protect myself. i just really doubt she'd believe me idk if itd be a good idea even though i am tempted a lot :/ just sucks cuz ik hes spreading a weird narrative to his whole family. probably leaving out all the abuse or justifying why he would prevent me from leaving my own house. idk! lol. it keeps me up cuz it really fucking bothers me how skewed and distorted his view is how hes telling me hes not an abuser and all tbe downplaying saying im pretending hes one i just hate it so fucking much

[smolweeblets]

Drunk confessions

A/n: can you guys tell idk how to name my stories? Anyways Yelena is so ooc here but shes drunk so I'll use that excuse.

"Y-yn? Can you uh, pick me up please?" Sniffles could be heard as you listened to your friend. You panicked, thoughts racing through your head about what happened to her.

"please hurry up... Im at the bar we go to sometimes." A bar? Oh god this isnt good. Hurried shuffling to get into your clothes ensued. You tried to not panic and think about this rationally. Although failing for the most part.

Why is she crying? Is she in danger-? Oh god I have to get there faster.

You mentally slapped yourself, gathering your thoughts. You did need to move faster but she wouldn't be in danger, if she was she wouldn't be calling you. She was always a logical person and no matter how close you two were she would still be calling 911 if it was really serious. You wracked your brain for possible answers, then it dawned on you.

She was probably really drunk, otherwise she wouldn't be crying on a call like this with you and asking you to pick her up. Although the fact that she is drunk is also weird, since she never usually drank that much alcohol, if any at all. And she wasn't particularly a lightweight. Something must have come up in her life for her to get drunk like this. Well that doesn't matter right now, what matters is you getting her as quickly as you can.

~~~

Small sniffles and hiccups could be heard as you approached the hunched figure sitting on the steps of the bar. She looked absolutely miserable.

"Hey, Yelena? Are you okay?" You gently put your hand on her shoulder, alerting her more of your presence.

She wipes her face with her arm before looking at you and slowly nodding.

"Okay that's good, how about we get to my car now alright?" You go in front of her and gesture for her to take your hand, which she does to help herself up.

She stumbles as she stands, having to lean on to you just to not fall flat on the floor. The sight was almost funny, her large looming figure being supported by your much smaller frame.

You two got to your car and you made sure she leaned back properly and buckled up, in the process, you get a glimpse of just how bad of a state she's in.

Her eyes were bloodshot, and her face was flushed red. You could almost feel the horrible hangover she would have to endure tomorrow. Bringing her to your house instead of hers would probably be better for the both of you. So she's sure to be taken care of, and so you dont stay up all night worried she isn't. There really was no way you'd let her be by herself in this state.

You start driving and theres a long silence between the two of you. It wasn't confortable, nor was it awkward. It was just that, nothing but silence and your thoughts.

Eventually Yelena notices that you werent taking her home, even in her drunk state she could tell the scenery was different from her usual route.

"Hey... where are you taking me- *hic* " Yelena slurred her words, sounding very disoriented.

"I'm taking you to my place, its safer and i wouldnt have to worry too much about you." Your calm voice normally would have been soothing but it looked like Yelena thought the opposite right now.

"N-no- I can take care of myself just take me home please.." Yelena sounded like she was about to cry. You felt bad but you knew what was best.

"Sorry, no can do. You say that but you dont look like you can even stand by yourself." As soon as you finished your sentence, It looks like a dam broke in Yelena and she broke into small sobs.

"I dont want to be in your house right now okay... or even with you for that matter" She cried. It broke your heart seeing Yelena look so sad and hearing that it could be because of you.

"Why? Is there something I did? If so, I'm sorry but I just can't leave you alone like this." You reasoned. You placed your hand on her shoulder as a very small way of giving comfort.

"Yes you can," She whined while sloppily removing your hand. "ill be fine by myself... like i always am." The last part was barely a whisper, if you weren't so tuned in with her you would have missed it.

You grip the steering wheel hard as you think about your next move.

"Yelena, it might be personal but please tell me what's wrong, if it's been something I did or what. I can't bear to see you in this state."

"It's nothing- just let me be." Some of the sobbing had subsided, but she was still sniffling a lot. You handed her a tissue to wipe some snot off her face, which she thankfully accepted.

"Yelena, I can't just leave a friend alone like this. Just tell me what's wrong so I can help." You glanced at her worriedly.

"God! Just stop asking, it's not like you'd be able to help." Hostility was now laced in her voice, it sounded strained and painful.

"I just want to help a friend- but if you dont want to talk about it then fine."

"Dont fucking call me YOUR FRIEND!" Tears were running down Yelena's face as she screamed.

"I FUCKING HATE BEING YOUR FRIEND SO STOP CALLING ME THAT!" You could only look in hurt as you watched her say all this. You thought you two were close but hearing her scream about this felt like a stab through the heart. She may be drunk but they do say drunk words are sober thoughts and it pained you to know this was what shes been thinking of you.

"I'm sorry then... but I am still taking you home. I care about you Yelena, and you're drunk." You worriedly asserted.

"God this is why i fucking hate you- youre too... nice." Yelena spat out. She hesitated saying the last word, and faltered throughout saying it.

"Wait- come again?"

"It's nothing. Ignore me, I'm drunk." Yelena said in almost a whisper. The tears had subsided, leaving only the traces of crying.

"No. Yelena, what did you say earlier."

"Youre too fucking nice and perfect. That's why I fell in love with you and why I hate you because you'd never reciprocate my feelings. There, happy now?"

"Oh..."

"Yeah, well that you know, you can go ahead and drop me off wherever. I can manage." It seems almost as if all the alcohol got knocked out of her. From how she was acting you wouldn't be able to tell she was bawling just a few minutes ago.

You slowed down, stopping by the side of the road. Yelena wasn't shocked at all that you actually were dropping her off. She deserved it.

She was getting ready to get off, unclasping her seatbelt and reaching to unlock the door.

"Yelena wait." You grabbed her bicep, wanting her attention back to you.

Yelena looked back to you, confused. Your seatbelt was also unclasped, though she didn't notice and just wanted to know what else you wanted to say before she left.

You suddenly leaned towards Yelena and you reached out to gently hold her cheek to hopefully not make her move too suddenly and to angle her face properly. To say she was shocked is an understatement. She fully thought she'd never have a chance with you, not in a million years.

You pull back and lean back into your seat, sighing in relief.

"God, you have no clue how long I've wanted to do that." You chuckle a little.

Yelena could do nothing but gape at you with large gray eyes looking at you as if what happened was just an illusion from the alcohol. Her hand ghosted over where you kissed her, still damp from her crying earlier.

"So? Do you still want to go back to your home?" You joke, hoping to clear away the uncertainty Yelena still seemed to have.

She shook her head, too flustered to even respond properly. She was already red earlier but now, she looks like a literal tomato. A cute one, but a tomato nonetheless.

You reached over to buckle Yelena's seatbelt again and you felt her flinch under your touch. She stared at you again and you just smiled back.

"Gotta take precautions." You giggled while reaching to buckle your own seatbelt.

The ride back home was quiet, but the comfortable kind. You caught Yelena staring at you a lot, but you didn't mind, she deserves it after pining for you that hard.

You led her staggering form into your home and into your bedroom, you instructed her to sit while you picked out some clothes that could maybe fit her. It was quite a task, considering just how much bigger she was than you.

Eventually, you did find something that she could wear and handed them over. You told her you'd be sleeping on the couch tonight, since you didn't want her to be uncomfy. You were about to leave to let her get changed when she called out for you.

"I'm drunk... help me dress please?" You almost would've thought she was serious with how sincere she looked. If only she wasn't wearing her stupidly coy smirk. She really is herself, even when drunk.

"Wow, where'd my flustered little 'lena from earlier go?" You laughed lightheartedly.

"Right here, please do help me." She pleaded. Her mouth was downturned, pretending to be sad.

"Hmm... okay but no funny business, you're drunk." You chided.

"Thank you babe." Yelena jokes, having an adorable close eyed smile.

"Stop that. Dont act like you weren't just crying over me a few minutes ago." You playfully scolded.

"Whatever you say babe." She teased.

You decided to stop the banter and actually help her out of her clothes. It was a surprisingly time consuming task because she constantly kept trying to make you laugh through various actions. You appreciate the effort, but not the action. You had to basically wrangle the clothes off of her because she wouldnt stop moving and causing a fuss.

After a few minutes of wrestling to finally get her dressed you finally succeeded. You also tired yourself out, so you made your way to the light and flicked it off. Then right back on again when you heard Yelena request something.

"Hey... you can sleep here you know-" Yelena suggested.

"No thanks, i can manage being on the couch." You point you thumb behind you, gesturing to the living room.

"But since im like drunk it gives you a good chance to take care of me." She reasoned out. Admittedly a pretty smart one considering she is, in fact, drunk.

"I think you're using that excuse too much, just go to sleep." You scoffed lightheartedly

"Pleaseeee-" She whined, using her most convincing puppy eyes. God how she had so much power over you was crazy.

"If you puke on me or my bed tomorrow i will kick you out." You sighed. You relented to her wishes way too quickly for you liking.

Yelena excitedly gasped, and smiled widely. "No! Of course i wont,, now come here please." She patted the area beside her, beckoning you to get in. You flicked the light back off and made your way ro the mattress.

Yelena snuggled up beside you and practically melted in your arms. Oh how she has craved for this for so, so long. She slept soundly that night, smiling in her sleep.

#yelena x reader aot #yelena x reader #yelena #yelena x you aot

[unfortunate-songbird]

Analysis because I’m bored

I’d do a venndiagram thing but it won’t fit everything so you get a confusing list instead

Zuko from Avatar. Hunter from Owl House. Leo from Rise. Tommy from DSMP.

What do they have in common?

a frikcin lot, actually

Leo&Hunter&Zuko&Tommy

16 y/old boy

Trauma city baybee

Has cried on screen at least once 

Self-sacrificial tendencies (some more prominent than others)

Mental health in the gutter

What’s a therapist

Magic exists

Angst magnets both in canon and in the fandom

Can Not catch a break ever

Cocky

They all have siblings

Dumbass. Every single one of them. They’ve all done really stupid things.

Sometimes they are in absolutely misery and sometimes they are just incredibly funny for no reason

High key dramatic 

“Most people find me annoying at first” they piss off a lot of people and can be kinda obnoxious 

Strange creatures exist

Distinct color

Almost fell to their death in a very dramatic scene 

But wait, there’s more:

Tommy&Hunter&Leo

No mom at all

Literally none

Silly goofy guys <3

Blonde (look ik Leo only had hair for 1 episode and it was evil but let me have this)

Really wants attention/validation and does some stupid stuff to get it (ok Zuko probably does too but it’s a little less?? Obvious?? Idk)

America exists 

They live in a comedy world (aside from the angst) and it Shows

Starts out silly goofy and then turns into angst (Avatar was kinda angsty from the beginning)

Knows a few words of Spanish (which is more than Zuko knows considering Spanish doesn’t exist in his world)

Leo&Zuko&Tommy

swords

swords

swords

Don’t wanna flex but they’ve never been possessed (rip Hunter)

Doesn’t travel between realms (fantasy vs the real world but with some magic involved)

Does not attend school at all and shows no interest in doing so

Has a normal vocabulary (doesn’t use nerd words as much as Hunter)

Face visible from their first appearance 

Has fist-fought people and will again

Fshshs this one is not very long

Zuko&Hunter&Leo

Cartoon

They can wield magic powers

Has a large support group of people who love them (oof Tommy)

Has at least one good parental figure (oof Tommy)

Recovery! Hopeful endings! :) (oof tommy) 

When they almost fell to their death they were saved by a loved one (oof tommy)

Big brother moment (at least one younger sibling) 

Very protective over younger siblings (adopted or not)

American accents

Tommy&Hunter&Zuko

human (look hunter’s a clone of a human I’m counting it)

They like girls (probably straight)

Manipulated by one of the most powerful character in their world

Experienced abuse and is very clearly traumatized by it 

Not very good at acting like they’re totally fine and not at all mentally ill

Trauma is actually addressed in canon (Fshshs rip Leo) 

Goes off into the wilderness alone for a while and comes back disheveled, distressed, and generally not vibing

Can go places without being immediately ostracized due to being an actual turtle (Rip Leo)

Can’t lie to save their lives

Actually exists in other worlds besides just like…. New York

But of course, who would I be if I just stopped there??

Tommy&Hunter

fully blonde

Has had multiple panic attacks on screen

Dog person (hunter likes wolves and tommy does too)

Finds out rather abruptly that their abuser doesn’t care about them and has a mental breakdown over it

Friends are all very very traumatized

Would cry at being accepted into a family (Hunter did and you can’t tell me Tommy wouldn’t bc he really badly wants a family) 

People tend to dislike them a lot despite them not really deserving it? (Like yeah they’re a little obnoxious at times but it’s not that big of a deal)

Their animal friends always die :(((

Worrying suicidal/semi-suicidal behavior?? (Hunter was digging his own grave ok I know it was kinda played for humor but that’s messed up. I don’t even need to mention Tommy boy was fully and canonically suicidal)

Spend most of their time in another realm being somewhat? Aware of another realm but no one really going there until much later

LGBTQ rep in canon (not them specifically tho)

“Aw, they’re finally heali- oop, nope, there’s another buttload of trauma”

Zuko&Leo

Uses two swords at once

Very good sword fighter also

Tends to kinda jump into things without thinking even though they’re smart and can strategize well but somehow it works out for them in ways it really shouldn’t 

Is occasionally the voice of reason while everyone else is being dumb

Feels weak and powerless next to their super-powerful awesome sibling(s)

Main parental figure is a short Asian man with grey hair that is very powerful but tends to act silly. Also they don’t like utilizing their incredible fighting skills unless necessary bc of their Tragic Past (TM)

Tommy&Leo

Your second priority is your loved ones. Your first priority should always be committing to the bit

Humor coping mechanism 

Makes stupid decisions for the funni

Really loves their older brother who gives them a lot of guidance (to the point of almost being a parental figure)

They have a main mentor/parental/familial figure that they really love and that loves them in return but their relationship is somewhat strained due to the mentor figure’s poor mental health causing them to inadvertently hurt them

Make silly noises heehoo

Some angst but mostly funni

They have heartbreaking angst and then straight back to crack levels of comedy

Can be very overconfident in their abilities, especially when it comes to smooth-talking/scamming people

Trapped in a prison with an unbeatable foe and basically beaten to death 

They only escaped because of magic previously thought impossible 

Angst in a dark void heehoo

Younger brother energy

Antagonizes a lot of people

Allowed to swear

Upset someone who loves them because they didn’t seem to be taking a situation seriously and it ended up with a lot of hurt from both parties 

Hunter&Zuko

Father figure is the leader of an oppressive regime 

Raised from birth to believe said regime is good and helping people

Good heart under it all

Redemption arc when they figure out they’re on the wrong side (takes a while because they don’t want to think ill of their father figure even though they’re blatantly abusive)

Mental breakdown moment when they realize- was in denial for a long time before that point

Visible scars caused by abuser

Gets a new, actually nice parental figure

Big brother of their friend group 

Bulliable 

Socially awkward 

Changes outfits throughout the show to show their character growth and development

Has some moments of empathy with protagonists before actual redemption arc

Not actually the protagonist/ main focus (look, Tommy and Leo are very much main characters)

Adopted 12 y/o younger brother who is very powerful and they are very protective over him 

Little brothers’ eyes glow blue when they use their powers

Zuko&Tommy

theater nerds 

Overdramatic

Red guys

Lashes out at people who care about him 

Born naturally (as far as we know)

One-on-one duels don’t work out so great for them

They have been Everywhere. Almost every large event involves them somehow

100% actually human 

Sometimes uses swords, sometimes other stuff

Don’t do great wandering in the wilderness on their own

Talks to themselves/random animals when stressed

Anger issues anger issues anger issues

Jerk with a heart of gold (real) 

Has canonically committed many crimes and doesn’t feel guilt about most of them (some of the worse ones that really hurt people they do feel bad for tho)

They commit arson and it’s not ideal

Falls into a minor villain arc right when it seemed like they were going to get better, then realizes this isn’t who they are and confronts the person encouraging them to be violent/cruel

Leo&Hunter

Artificially created by a dramatic being with a gold horned mask and nefarious plans centered around genocide and conquest

Obsessed with a science fiction franchise and dresses up as characters from it

Is shown to enjoy wearing animal costumes once and then it’s never brought up again (Leo’s unicorn onesie and Hunter’s split-second Flapjack costume)

Teleportation 

Trauma surrounding possession

Knows a little bit of Spanish 

Acts confident and smug and cocky when in battle mode but is actually insecure and sad

also:

anyway that’s all thanks for reading

#toh #hunter toh #toh hunter #golden guard #zuko #zuko atla #avatar the last airbender #atla zuko #rottmnt leo #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leonardo #dsmp #dream smp #c!tommy #tommyinnit #character analysis #rottmnt character analysis #dsmp character analysis #toh character analysis #atla character analysis

[bots-and-cons]

Ok ok ok, so like either Shockwave or Dreadwing is practically on the verge of panic because their S/O is sick? Idk I thought it would be a cute/ panic short story

I Just did something short for Shockwave since I don't really feel like I write Dreadwing very well. I was gonna make HCs, but decided on a scenario instead. Human s/o just to make it so he has no idea how to help them

“I’m telling you, I’m fine. The fever isn’t even that high”

“Your temperature is abnormally high, and I am aware you are trying to downplay your symptoms in an attempt to deceive me” Shockwave said.

You were curled up in your nest of pillows and blankets. You were huffing and puffing about how you weren’t really that sick, and that Shockwave was worried over nothing.

“Fine, do as you please, but do not complain to me when you are feeling worse” he said, turning to leave.

“I won’t, don’t worry about it” you said.

Shockwave knew you were ill, but there wasn’t really anything he could do to help. He didn’t know anything about human illnesses after all.

“I actually feel kind of lightheaded” you said suddenly, before he heard a light thud behind him.

Shockwave turned around and saw you laying in your pile of blankets, but your head was against the wall behind you and you looked like you were unconscious.

“(Name)?” he asked, thinking you were trying to play a prank on him.

You didn’t answer though, so he walked back over to you and shook you by your shoulder just a little bit. Shockwave didn’t panic, it’s just not something he ever did, but he was noticing some weird feeling creeping up his back.

“If this is your attempt to be amusing, it is not working” he said, but you still didn’t react.

Shockwave picked you up in his hands and took a closer look at you. You were breathing and didn’t seem to be in distress, so he decided to set you back down on your pile of pillows and blankets.

He sat with you until you woke up, and when you did he found himself feeling incredibly relieved.

“What happened?” you asked, holding the back of your head, because you had hit it on the wall.

“I am quite certain you lost consciousness because of your high temperature”

“Ah, makes sense I guess” you shrugged.

“Why are you not more alarmed by what occurred? To my understanding, it is not normal for humans to lose consciousness in such a manner”

“It’s not, but I’m probably just dehydrated or something”

“You should consume some fluids” Shockwave said.

“Can you give me my bag, I have a water bottle in there”

Shockwave just nodded and handed you your bag. He wouldn’t admit to you that you scared him when you passed out, but he did stay with you for almost the whole time you were at the Nemesis when you were sick. Be it worry or something else, he did care for you and wanted to make sure you were okay.

#transformers #tfp #transformers prime #decepticons #shockwave #tfp scenarios #reader insert #transformers x reader #tfp x reader

[marmolita]

are we just cursed in December or??? details behind the cut, cw for cancer, death (don't worry me and my husband and kids are fine)

So last December we went to visit my family for the holidays as usual and it was kind of a total nightmare. Mr Lita was having panic attacks because we found that chipmunks had excavated a city under our porch and destabilized it and he was afraid of rodents getting into our house, my sister had COVID, and Southwest airlines totally fucked up so that we had to book a different flight home days later than we intended. It was altogether a miserable month.

This year, my mom's coming out here and everything was looking good! Mr Lita was doing fine, nothing's wrong with the house, etc.

Except, we just found out his dad has stage 4 pancreatic cancer. This was literally a couple days ago so we don't have much info yet but his parents had a friend pass from pancreatic cancer recently and it was only six weeks from her diagnosis to passing. He's already trying to sort out his financial papers and make funeral plans and he hasn't even had a biopsy yet. I believe he intends to only seek palliative or hospice care, which tbh is very reasonable given the extremely short timeline for most people with pancreatic cancer.

The day after we found that out, my kid who has anxiety and emetophobia had her first major panic attack in months because having a cold with a wet cough freaked her out, and is still not quite back to her normal yet. We haven't told the kids about their grandpa's cancer yet.

My mom's coming out to spend the holidays with us next Friday and I'm like gosh!!! How am I gonna make this a fun holiday season for my kids when their grandpa is dying!!! How am I gonna make sure my anxious kid doesn't start having panic attacks about whether she herself might have cancer!!! I don't know if he's going to die in two weeks or a month or six months and I don't know how to plan fun things for my kids with the knowledge that we may have to cancel at any moment if things go south even faster than they already are.

My sister-in-law is on vacation in New Zealand for this entire month so gosh I hope he at least has a month of time so she can get back to see him. He has a biopsy on Tuesday and his first appointment with the oncologist the day after Christmas which seems interminably far away. I feel completely helpless to help my in-laws or my husband right now and I fucking suck at keeping a brave face because i will cry at a moment's notice.

We're going to have to tell the kids tomorrow I think because my brother-in-law is gonna come down and they'll want to get together and so they'll need to know. I know it's better for my kids if I can be calm and confident talking to them about it but I simply cannot have a conversation about this without bawling.

And I wanted to do all this fun stuff with my kids and my mom for Christmas! And I know that my father in law wants my kids to be happy and having fun and not worrying about him! But how am I supposed to do that!! My sister and her family are coming a couple days after Christmas too and idk whether everything will be fine or whether there will be additional drama there. 😩 What do I do if he takes a turn for the worse very rapidly and doesn't even make it through the month?

I kind of hate how this part of it was easier at least when my dad passed away. He was in ill health for a long time and we knew he probably wouldn't be around more than another year but we didn't have a specific terminal outcome for most of that time so it was easy to not think about it too much. Then when he couldn't do dialysis anymore it was basically a very specific timeline and we knew he would not be around more than two weeks from that point. It was awful and I hated it but at least we knew.

#lita talks about herself

[1d-trashcan]

hello!!

i was just going through your blog and you have mentioned a anxiety disorder a few times, i do not really know anything about it so if you want to please educate me on this concept, if you dont wanna its all good. just know i am here if u wanna talk any time :)))))))))

HI!! I absolutely wanna educate you, thanks for asking :) This is suuuper long though, I'm so sorry :´(

There's a few anxiety disorders out there but the most common ones are social anxiety disorder or panic disorder, and then there's GAD which is short for Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and I have GAD.

Stress and anxiety is an evolutional response to danger more commonly known as fight or flight, which is the sympathetic nervous system being activated. GAD is the body being stuck in fight or flight mode, whereas social anxiety, for instance, generally means that the sympathetic nervous system kicks in in social environments (like a phone call or meeting a person).

GAD, usually presents as excessive worry about anything and everything. My grandmother will cough and my brain will think "she has lung cancer and she's dying". When I didn't know I was ill I was basically living in a nightmare. I've had a lot of therapy so nowadays I can identify it as an anxiety thought and ignore it. Some days I can't shake them, and those days are just bad anxiety days. And I can either power through it or I can take anxiety medication, but I can't work on those because they make me really drowsy.

You can develop GAD at any age, really. All it takes is being under extreme stress for a period of time, I think the criteria is like 6 months or something. There are differential diagnoses like chronic fatigue syndrome, ADHD/ADD, bipolar disorder and clinical depression that have to be excluded that early on, though. It's fairly easy to treat if caught early. It's hell, but they'll most likely have you on antidepressants and or something that helps you sleep and give you therapy. Therapy will help you deal with your triggers through cognitive behavioural therapy, exposure therapy (where you're literally exposed to your trigger/fear in a controlled environment) and that will in theory treat the disorder. You're never gonna remove anxiety because it's a survival instinct, but you're basically telling your brain that it's overreacting, and if you get help early you can actually be cured.

I have GAD because I was bullied between ages 10-16, and there's also a probability that my parents' divorce started the whole thing. The problem was that I didn't get proper help until I was 19 and I didn't even meet with a psychiatrist until I was 25 (I'm 29 now). I'm never gonna be cured, we're basically just looking for ways to help me live WITH my anxiety. I just have too many triggers and my body is too used to being in this state that there's currently no way of fixing it.

GAD sometimes comes with executive dysfunction which is where you just physically can't do things. It's a very common ADHD symtom as well. You know you need to do it but you can't, and it essentially becomes a handicap. My most common triggers for executive dysfunction is school work of any kind, opening my mail or important phone calls. In Sweden this is actually recognized as a handicap, which means that I can get help faster. But I have to make the call, which I can't do because of my anxiety so idk how foolproof that safeguard is. I'm on sick leave right now because of extreme stress (it could be chronic fatigue syndrom, but it's too early to tell rn) and now my executive dysfunction is everywhere, so like showering, cleaning my flat or making food is extremely tough and usually doesn't happen, so I have to take shortcuts (like eating at my parents' house, not washing my entire body and only cleaning small parts of my flat a a time).

Apart from being afraid anxiety triggers a lot of physical responses in your body because it is designed to keep us alive. If you have social anxiety you might have issues with your stomach (like stress pooping or nausea) when you have to engage with others or even, like, ride a train. GAD patiens almost always have chronic IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and muscle pains because our bodies are constantly preparing for flight. I have really bad chronic muscle pain in my neck and upper back which leads to tension headaches. So on any given day, I'd rate my pain at a 5, and that's just. A thing I have to live with.

Physical activity generally alleviates the pain and the endorphins from workout are really beneficial but you can't exercise GAD away. It's just something that helps.

I'm on a high dose of antidepressants, antihistamines to make me sleep and quetiapine/seroquel, which is a mood stabiliser that basically reduces my executive dysfunction, and my medication is always gonna change depending on what my life looks like. Realistically I'm always gonna be on some form of antidepressant. I'm on SNRI's, which control the serotonin and noradrenaline in my brain.

Naturally, my serotonin is really low and my noradrenaline is really high, but in a healthy person the serotonin is high and the noradrenaline is low. The body typically restores the serotonin/noradrenaline levels during sleep, but my brain does the exact opposite so I just have extreme anxiety during the night, which is why I'm on medication to sleep bc otherwise I a) don't sleep and b) have terrible nightmares. I still have those nightmares, but the antihistamine I'm on is a muscle relaxant as well as an anxiety medication so it helps calm me down so I don't really remember my nightmares and it reduces my muscle pain by quite a bit. I still have bad nights that lead to bad days when I'm in a lot of pain. I sleep in a fetal position and tense up at night and I have a weighted blanket to help me relax so during those bad days I have trouble walking becausec my hip muscles are locked.

I think i basically covered everything. There's a lot more to it if you have any questions. I'm super open about this, and have been since I started therapy when I was 19 because I literally did not know I was sick until I was 17 and it took another two years to understand just how bad it was so I like to be as vocal as possible so people might find out and get help.

I'm SO SORRY for this long ass post though.

#GAD #generalized anxiety disorder #mental health #reddaysareforharry28 #ask

[dragons-revenge]

i really want someone to love me

(late night vent thoughts below cut)

never been in a relationship before, want it so badly, but worried i cant for some reason, or that things about me are wrong and ill never get that

not that people need to be in relationships, idk wording right now but i dont believe that traditional relationships are best or anything, and i think that all types are fun and equal

like i kind of think id probably be better in a not traditional type of relationship (maybe with multiple people) but ive never dated anyone before so idk if that would work in reality or if its just a fantasy for me, or if id be good enough at it

im just really worried that ill end up completely alone with no one, not even friends, because im not great at talking to people and idk what im doing and im scared and inexperienced and i dont feel like i can/should talk about it

i dont even know how people get into relationships?? it seems easy but ive never done it so idk if im just not good enough or people dont like me in that way, or if theres steps people follow that i dont know about? i want to try but i dont know how to? and im not great at telling what my feelings are, so thats a problem, and im worried that if i do try dating that i just wont get the right feelings and dissapoint them

and im not really open about anything im into irl (even aesthetically/fictional) cause majority of the time it makes my dysphoric and hearing people mention sex/attraction/relationships can make my brain feel really bad? and i dont know how to stop it or if just being more open would make it better? and thats partially why i made this account, to try being more open about stuff in a way that feels safer and more disconnected from myself but i just keep worrying that im doing it wrong and people will judge me

but its not like i dont get feelings, i do and i get horny and im into a lot of stuff and i think people are attractive and i really want to have sex its just never happened for some reason?

also my brain wont stop telling me that everyone thinks im a girl, both irl and online, and i have no idea how to make it stop. it does it even when theres no reason and i tell it that people wont think that but it wont stop, i dont know if anyone can see me for myself but i want people to, i want to be myself, i want to be open. i dont want to feel bad about being myself anymore but its really difficult and it makes everything about existing harder

(i know i could use therapy, but i cant get it right now for reasons)

and idk if me posting this is wrong or stupid, but i really want to connect with people and be more open about stuff even though it scares me so much and ill probably regret posting this and panic about it later so im sorry if reading this was bad

#vent #my text #night thoughts #vent post

[321sluggie]

Thinking about how much Viktor changed between arc 1 and 2, and not just because of his illness. Short version: I don’t think the Viktor of arc one would have nearly had a panic attack at the prospect of giving a speech to a bunch of pilties, even during progress day. He might’ve been nervous, but I think he would’ve done it, even if he had to wing it.

Thing is, he went from a forward-facing, necessarily social job as an assistant to a councillor—one where he probably had to talk to many topsiders all the time—to one where his social circle dwindled, and his life became much more cloistered. He went from practicing his charisma every day to practicing his engineering.

And like, here’s the thing. During my grad degree, I’ve paid the bills through teaching and through research/grant money. I’ve had terms where I’ve had to dress nicely and be ready to greet and interact with everyone I meet. Those are times when I crave more research time, but the act of just needing to be social for my job has helped me stay amicable and maintain social confidence, even though I’m extremely introverted.

And the thing about research terms/years is that they’re /awesome/. You can finally spend all your time looking into and reading things pertinent to your own goals as a scholar and thinker. You have control over your schedule. You don’t need to talk to anyone on a given day if you don’t want to. You can choose to restrict your social circle as tightly as you want—so usually just to your closest friends (who, let’s be real, are usually colleagues who you consult for info/questions). You’re just working, doing what you care about, changing the world in your own tiny, niche way. Things are going well—you’re productive, you’re even quite happy.

And suddenly there’s a presentation you have to give to a handful of folk in your department and you feel like you’re going to throw up thinking about it. There’s a conference you signed up for, and you’ve gotta give a talk, and you didn’t realise how long it’s been since you’ve had a haircut but it’s time to pack and there’s no time. You run into an old student on campus and you wonder if they can tell how rusty you are at communicating. You just want to have more days where you can be alone and research, feel like you’re accomplishing what you want to accomplish.

And idk. It just seems like when Viktor finally—FINALLY—gets to research and build and think, he seems to shift in a similar way. He can do what he wants, he’s close to and perhaps fulfilled through his relationship to Jayce, he’s focused in a way that is both freeing but can perhaps lead to a lil bit of neglect in other parts of his life. And I don’t really think he’s “worse” like this. He’s just himself in a different way, a person who has had years of research-solitude alter his introversion, his focus and priorities. And I just find that interesting. Because he’s the same Viktor, just using different skills, different parts of himself.

#I know this is a ramble #sorry #I just wanted to think about the ways it’s possible to characterise Viktor #I sometimes read fanfic where he’s witty and sharp and confident #and sometimes read stuff where he’s solitary and awkward and perhaps a bit unfriendly #and neither really seem inaccurate. it just seems to depend on viktor’s social setting #yknow? #people emulate their surroundings #viktor #arcane

[fictionfixations]

3.2 Genshin Archon Quest / Thoughts

GENSHIN SPOILERS

I just did the 3.2 archon quest

i started it at midnight, it has been 5 hours and 30 minutes since then

jesus fuck

so anyway

HOLY SHIT? SO MUCH HAPPENED and im gonna need to reprocess that when im not very sleep deprived NO CAUSE WHAT??? i cant right now but just

also greater lord r i really dont know how to spell her name but i assume you know who i am talking about by greater lord, because there is only one but so when she sacrificed herself or whatever for irminsul (i dont know if i spelled that right either)- to be honest i was really tired and yawning and felt like collapsing and resting but i really wanted to hear that story because you cant redo the quest and while you can relisten to the dialogue its not the same but so she did that whole thing and everyone forget her? it pains me, not to mention how the traveler reacts when we're in the grand bazaar at the feast where shes surprised that kusanali 'returned' to the akademiya

a secret. i wont be surprised if there turns out to be fics in the future where the traveler instead tells people about greater lord rugghadevata that does not look right, oof. uhm. but so yeah. ALSO SCARA??? apparently hes in a coma- WHO TF IS THAT DOOD WHO WAS REVEALED FOR I THINK 3.3 THAT WE ALL THOUGHT WAS SCARA?? WELL IT CANT NOT BE HIM--

LOOK- NO BUT SRSLY?? i dont know if this is a leak or not, it just invaded my youtube recommended so i couldnt do shit about it because it was in the thumbnails but i THINK its not..? idk man but so anyway

jesus fuck they overhyped the boss fight- not that it wasnt cool, because it really was, but jeez it was a little bit easier then i thought haha no but since we got a shot of its battle mechanics it helped me get a hang of it easier? i ended up one trying it, but not without IMMENSE panic and character death uhh. okay so like you know how that text appears at the top of your screen to guide you?? okay so you know hwo like barely anyone read the vision hunt decree text on raiden's fight because they were trying not to die?

bro it was saying something which i now know is about stunning him and i could barely read it because i was just being attacked man i mean with trial and error i figured it out AND THEN HIS LEGS

i didnt know if we were meant to attack it or not man ;_;

ALSO ELEAZAR IS GONE

WOOOOO

anyway im gonna go sleep for like the next few hours because i actually have school and i got super immersed into the game to where i just completely zoned out and forgot about time and shit

AaAaa oh oh yeah not to mention nahida saying that we're like i already forgot what it was called but like.. there were 3 other people the fatui i think classified as not from this world, which nahida thinks one is the heavenly principles, but the other 2 we dont know, and the 4th is us. The thing IS is that our twin is NOT classified as an external person, like they BELONG in teyvat, which is.. ..huh...? and they were like there for khaenri'ah and had their journey through the 7 nations, which we knew what happened but this is more confirmation ig? and then towards the end we dont know. ..huh.? what the fuck idk man im gonna rest on it and hope i dont stay confused (i mean i sort of understand?? its probably one of those things ill have to look back on in the future when i understand)

#genshin thoughts #3.2 update #3.2 genshin #archon quest thoughts #archon quest #genshin spoilers #3.2 spoilers #spoilers

[straykats]

kat omg tell me more about your gay panic experience (if you want of course!) i want to hear more about them!! and glitter blush oh my god that’s so CUTE

CLOVE I CANTTTT THIS SHITS SO EMBARASSINGGGGGGG so ill put it utc so i can feel less embarassed

and then in tiny too.

im ljke. screaming into pillow type of mood rn like this is so disgudtingly embarassing (i will use embarassing and disgusting a lot) and like if this was a show or a book or smth i would be oointing at the screen/page and yelling (endearingly) 'DISGUSTINGGGG' bc thats how ive been reacting to any romance these days

im just gonna go w using she/her 😭

like. i remember thinking that her outfit was fricken AMAZING like it was giving maniac type vibes w the black/green scheme (not even going to let myself think about the whatifs rn) but like ider what she was wearing man i 😭😭 her hair was green !! this is so much unnecessary info okay but BUT

yes glitter blush !! she was so. ray of sunshine excited puppy type of NJVILSDBKJVILFBHVHFS i hate it here i hate it here i hate it here im gonna scream again DEEP RBEATHS most endearingly cute person i've ever served in my entire life (which isn't saying a lot given that most of the customers/patients are older people) BUT also the most endearingly cute person i've 'met' besides maybe like. kids who i worked with on prac BUT THATS A COMPLETELY DIFFERNT TYPE OF ENDEARINGLY CUTE obviously

UM UMMMM um :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( may never ever see her again though im so sad. not that seeing her again will do anything.

BUT LIKE this is so embarrassing like just thinking/remembering about the way she nods (im not even gonna try to explain. like. round eyed small smile determined nod with like this really bright FUCK THIS IS SO EMBARAASING SHUT UP KAT SHUTUPPPPPPPPP) makes me all NFJDISVDSVKSV and i know nodding is such a weird thing to kind of pick up on but 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

but yeah after i tried to compliment her hair and make an absolute fool of myself (SEE!!!! THIS IS DISGUTING!!! THIS IS WHAT THEY SAY IN ROMANCE BOOKS!!!!) i was just like. internal war. do i make eye contact do i not make eyecontact (wearing masks so smiling was not a problem) BUT COULD SHE TELL I WAS LIKE. trying not to smile too much FRICK i hope my ears werent red god i hate it here i hate it i hate it i hate it

anyways 10/10 experience i hope to never be subjected to this again because thats just sad man like im never gonna see her again and if i do it's not like we're gonna become friends or anything 😭😭

and this doesnt even matter but i looked so tired and probably a mess bc i'd worked like. 7hrs where i had to run/walk really fast back and forth and my hair was probably loopy (idk if you wear glasses but i do and my hair on the sides/where the glasses go over ur ear ??? uh. yeah that. they kinda get all loopy idk why) and i was probably definteily speaking way too fast GOD first and last time this is happening i want to quit and hide in a hole

anyways lmk if u need a vomit bag or smth bc this was so disgusting and embarrassing

#kat answers #lixesque #screaming crying throwing up #had to save this as a draft on my phone so i could go to my laptop and type faster/at the rate i was thinking AHHAHA #WHY IS THERE SO MUCH TEXT ABOVE oh my god #so BDSVKDSJ rn i forgot to include my usual hi hello i miss u sending love and hugs #so i will include it now #hi hello i miss u im sending love and hugs