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kalims · 2 years

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diluc + royal au would be super cool !

✉ — you caught me in a bad mood, so I wrote angst for your suffering. also my inner poet came out here for some reason, my fucking diluc posts are godly /hj ANYWAYSSS come back to me if you'd like a more fluffier one pop in my inbox but with details plz and thank you.

fem!reader, she/her pronouns, royal au, angst no comfort. hints of jean x diluc. the golden blood mention is not literally but rather me describing it as royal blood because I'm extra.

diluc ragnvindr

as a child of a noble you were given high expectations. even from the silly ones from the fairytale you snuck out to read in the library late in the night. like balancing a book on the tip of your head to make your eyes look forward and straighten your back.

you hated it when your mother relentlessly pestered you to start learning about embroidery, sewing, dancing, and even learning music because it felt like you were already chained to a fate you never wanted to have.

you'd rather be a commoner than to be a female noble whose sole duty was to please her future husband for some reason. the misogyny was clear in the times and yet everyone turns a blind eye to the obvious error of balance.

the only companions you had were rich, spoiled fellow princesses who won't shut up the apparent handsome bachelor named diluc. a few actual decent freinds here and then but the unfortunate weighted over the good ones.

eula was one of the fortunate ones. she was the daughter to a corrupted family and yet she stands proudly, looking them straight in the eye, determined to prove them wrong despite the disappointed eyes her fellow gaze at her with

while you lay there helplessly waiting for your savior she was fighting, not physically but she was. risking her whole title as one of the heir to the three noble families to prove them wrong. you hoped you weren't such a dramatic romantic, or were you?

you felt like a fairytale princess who's stuck in her own castle and you hated it.

to put it simply, girls like you were just producers of heirs. as sick as that sounds.

it's an empire, women can't survive in it without men because women have no right to be wed unless being proposed or promised to a man. and vice versa as there won't be reproducing heirs without women. both are pillars whom support a platform in a way.

being freinds with eula (which she denies while claiming vengeance) meant you'd be meeting her fellow heirs to the other two heirs of the main families.

diluc was a sweetheart, even if his brother was merely taken in by his kind hearted father. he presented himself far better than any royal who had golden blood running in their veins.

diluc wasn't the kid of the ragnvindr family. he was the boy who shyly avoided your gaze when you gasped in excitement when he shows you a book you'd never seem to get your hands on.

he was the boy who you fell in love with as the years went by.

expectations are cruel because if you don't get a man to propose you'll be considered a disgrace. your caretakers will be blamed for not raising you as a dutiful woman as they wanted you to be.

and as far as expectations go, getting diluc ragnvindr to get on a knee for you wasn't one of them nor would he be the one who would save you from the chains that bound your soul, tying you eternally to your suffering.

why? oh that's right.

you watch as he presents a ring to a blonde girl, her eyes already brimming with joyful tears. because he wasn't yours.

in another life, where you'll be free from these clutches. you hope you can call him yours.

✉ — thas me hinting that diluc and you would be reincarnated in the genshin world as soulmates btw. [proud] I hope yall actually understand because some of this shit does not make sense and to clarify. jean and diluc were already meant to be married when they were kids. no hate to my wife jean <3

#idk what the fuck this is #genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact x reader #genshin imagines #genshin x reader #genshin scenarios #genshin headcanons #diluc x reader #diluc #diluc ragnvindr #kaeya #jean #jean gunnhildr #eula #eula lawrence #genshin angst

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fae-fucker · 3 years

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Review: Death Wind by Tara Grayce

Essie should be planning her happily ever after, not planning a war. Although they once were enemies, the humans of Escarland and the elves of Tarenhiel have allied to fight the trolls from the far north. But alliances are tricky things even in the best of times, and with Farrendel, the elves’ foremost warrior and Essie’s husband, captured by the trolls, the circumstances appear dire indeed. But Essie won’t give up, and she will make her two peoples work together to fight this war if it’s the last thing she does. One way or another, she will get Farrendel back, no matter what it takes.

Gonna be honest, didn't expect much given my lukewarm reaction to the previous two books, but this one? This one actually held my attention for genuine reasons rather than just being a light read. Because the plot involves a lot of conflict (arguably the biggest conflict possible, war), the pacing is steady, and two of the three POV characters are mostly suffering and/or being tortured, there's actually tension for once. It's a welcome change, and proves that the author is very much capable of writing it but just chooses not to in favor of boring and conflict-free family interactions.

With Melantha introduced as a POV character, we're offered a pretty buckwild concept for this series: a character that makes mistakes and has to live with the consequences. I actually found myself liking Melantha, not because I thought she was a compelling character (she wasn't) or because I felt bad for her (I didn't), but because she had what Essie didn't: flaws. There's even a point in the book where Melantha thinks about how much she dislikes Essie because Essie is so sugary perfect and everything Melantha wishes she could be, and I think it's supposed to show us how bitter and insecure Melantha is? Except she's 100% correct, Essie is literally too perfect to be a real person and I just sat there going "yeah, you're right, and don't feel bad for being shitty because literally nobody can actually be like Essie."

However, Melantha suffers from Stupid Bitch Syndrome, which doesn't exactly make for a good protagonist/POV character. She's not intended to be dumb, the book expects us to think she was simply misguided and bitter and not, like, a complete idiot who should've known better. But her instant remorse feels less like character development and more like her suddenly realizing she’s actually a huge idiot who fell for the enemy’s nonsense, which she is. She's supposed to be an older elf, a grown woman, yet she makes such an obvious mistake and immediately regrets it and folds like a wet blanket the moment shit hits the fan. It's honestly a bit pathetic. The only reason I preferred her over Essie was because she introduced some much-needed depth to the character roster, but that depth was still about the size of a teacup, compared to Farrendel's thimble and Essie's singular water molecule. Her relationship with the troll prince was actually ... interesting? It was all mostly unspoken, which I think made it stronger than the overly telegraphed thing Essie and Farrendel have going on, and I’m sure it’ll be flattened out and become boring in the next book, so enjoy this potential before it’s wasted.

Farrendel spends the entire book being tortured and thinking about how he's being tortured. I can't blame him, but it doesn't make for good reading. I honestly think his POV could've been left out altogether and it wouldn't have changed much. Melantha is already there with him letting the reader know he’s suffering, we don’t need two POVs telling us the same thing. Oh uh, except for the part where he ... puts his magic in a soul-bond pocket. I'd mark this as spoilers but it's literally on the cover. I guess if his POV was removed then we'd never know how Essie learned to blast his power in battle at that one convenient moment, but it barely affects the plot afterward so um, yeah. I'm having a hard time justifying his POV at all. I'm still not over that part btw, how Farrendel just ... makes a "mental fist" (no, really), grabs his magic in one and his soul bond with Essie in the other and just puts them together like he's connecting two cables to an adapter. And he knew to do this ... how? It's not like we've seen him experiment with his magic before, in fact he's been shown to hate it and only use it when necessary, but apparently this tortured and exhausted man has the presence of mind to try something as vague and theoretical as ... putting his magic in a soul pocket. He spends a few pages going “I wonder if I can do this” and then it works on the first try. He does consider whether it’ll hurt Essie and decides not to try it, but as I said, he does it soon after anyway so like ... I don’t think it’s supposed to be funny or show how little of a shit he gives about Essie, but that’s sort of the implication and I thought it was funny as hell.

Anyway, the magic pocket is about as much worldbuilding/lore as we get from this series entry, aside from the trolls having their own political intricacies and tensions, which I’m assuming the next book will expand upon. The writing itself in this book was pretty bad at times. The repetition of certain words and names was really glaring in some parts and felt amateurish. Take a shot every time the word “magic” appears and you’ll be in the grave before the book ends. Prince Rharreth and King Charvod are almost always referred to with their full titles and names for some reason? A few editing rounds would’ve helped this a lot, methinks.

The plot is mostly moved along in Essie’s POV, which is slightly less insufferable than usual because she’s the one observing the movement of the two armies and there are actually action scenes in there that, while don’t exactly made me worried about her (there’s no way this perfect idiot will ever die), still provided some tension. But it’s honestly not much, the “war” lasted two entire weeks (and that’s including the strategy, logistics, and mobilizing) and with how fast the armies travel and how little resistance they face (and how Deus Ex Farrendel-d the final battle was, the guy is apparently full of godlike destructive power despite being starved and tortured, go off king), it all felt very unrealistic and easy. Like, we have two armies marching in the middle of a mountain chain during magical snow storms, all while being regularly assaulted by the defending army, and they still get there no problem, without a single mention of soldiers struggling not to die of exposure. Aight. I guess these elves and humans are just very resistant to the cold, for some reason.

I have a sneaking suspicion that the reason it goes over so fast in-universe is because the author wanted Farrendel to be horribly tortured throughout his captivity, but also knew that if that lasts too long, the damage will be too severe to easily resolve in the next book. But instead of easing off the hardcore torture, because then we’d lose out on that drama and those High Stakes, she decided to speed up the whole war thing, because hey, who cares about that, anyway? We just want Farrendel back, right? Riiiight? Better hurry up guys! Don’t want Farrendel to be too tortured to fix with some strawberry-flavored medicine and vague counseling in the next book!

So yeah, the plot moves on speedily, but at what cost? Mainly depth. Again. And once again, Essie suffers the most from being a bland caricature of a person and dragging the whole thing down. The author’s GR bio says she writes “spunky and tough” leading ladies, and I guess having no other things in your brain except sparkly kitten gifs is a certain kind of toughness in an “immovable object” sort of way, but “spunk” implies a of counter-culture edge that sweet widdle Essie simply does not have.

There was one small section where Essie felt bad over how the human and elven warriors were going to die, how many mothers and sisters and daughters would suffer just so she didn’t have to, but then we don’t find out the death count, the casualties are never even mentioned, and Essie moves on from this without even a single thought questioning the morality of a monarchy or her own position of power. Now, I get that that’s not the focus of this series, but it just adds to how Essie’s worries are always surface-level and never justified by the plot, how she never has to do any introspection and is never allowed to not always be annoyingly positive. Whenever she even begins to think something negative, she instantly, almost compulsively changes trajectory and just decides not to worry about it, and then it never comes up again anyway. This would’ve been like, an interesting take on toxic positivity and how Essie represses her own emotions, but no, the book never goes there, she’s just that perfect and wee and optimistic, even during a war and when her husband’s being tortured to near-death. It’s kind of insulting to read, honestly.

Oh yeah, that’s another thing that annoyed me. Even when she loses Farrendel, she takes it surprisingly well and focuses mostly on keeping a positive attitude for his sake, so he doesn’t feel her sadness through their “heart bond.” I never really felt her loss, her love for him, when she so easily could just decide not to feel bad “for his sake.” I want her to feel bad, I want her to miss him and to ache at his absence and to fear for what they’re doing to him. But no. That would just upset him more and hurt him more. So Essie doesn’t get to experience any negative feelings because it might upset her husband. Essie doesn’t get angry and determined to fight, she just keeps being her cheery little Stepford Wife self because being nice will keep everyone’s spirits up and make them hope and fight harder to preserve that hope!! :)

It just comes off as really flat and moralistic yet dishonest at the same time, because nobody would fucking react like this IRL. Essie might be a good person in-universe, but she drags the entire series down just by being perfect, cheery, and never, ever challenged or even allowed to challenge anything herself. Essie isn’t allowed to have any negative feelings because it might affect her husband, and yet we’re supposed to find this empowering somehow? We’re supposed to believe she’s spunky and confident and a sweet little firecracker of a redhead?

Eugh.

At least Melantha is an idiot, I guess. One whole female character gets to have a flaw, and she’s the almost-villain who needs to be fixed with love.

Idk man. The sexism in this series is like a constant undercurrent that grows stronger with each installment as our “understanding” of this world expands. All of Essie’s brothers, including the king, are at the front lines because they are manly men “have to” be there, while the women who aren’t Essie or Jalissa stay behind to be mothers and caretakers. It’s never expanded upon and just sort of accepted as part of both human and elven society and the narrative treats it like this obvious thing that even Essie doesn’t really bother noting how unfair and/or weird it is. There’s not even a single comment on it. Essie is in the war not because she can fight but because Farrendel needs her, and Jalissa is there because ... Um. Because ... she. Uh. She needs to be there when they confront Melantha? She’s Farrendel’s sister? Idk. Jalissa’s main point in this series so far seems to be the ship tease between her and Edmund that feels awkward and one-sided as fuck.

So yeah. The pacing and plot flowed along really well, but the characters and the writing and worldbuilding are all just really undercooked, which, at three books into the series, feels more glaring than ever.

But hey, at least it was a quick read!

#book review #elven alliance #death wind

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scarletwelly-boots · 3 years

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Books Read 2020

I started off really good this year, what with quarantine and all. And then I got sidetracked by reading one hundred and forty-nine fanfics (and counting) (mostly Destiel; CW can kiss my ass).

I read 30 books this year, which I thought was bad, but apparently I only read 24 last year, so not awful. I did the Popsugar reading challenge for the fifth year. There were 50 categories this year, so 60% isn’t too bad. So without further ado, let’s get started under the cut.

1. The Mermaid, The Witch, and the Sea, Maggie Tokuda-Hall (a book that’s published in 2020). This book, y’all. My god. It has it all: pirates, queer relationships, genderfluid characters, an intense plot. This book was so good. I definitely recommend this book. Pirates!!! And gay!

2. Somebody Told Me, by Mia Siegert (a book by a trans or nonbinary author). I don’t know how Siegert identifies, but I know they use they/them pronouns. This book was... okay but frustrating. A bigender teen, Aleks/Alexis, has a traumatic experience and moves in with their aunt and uncle, who is a newly converted Catholic priest. I liked the queer rep, but sometimes it felt like the author had these assumptions or prejudices about the Catholic church. Some of them were right, granted, and I’m not a practicing Catholic anymore so I don’t know why it pissed me off, but it bugged me anyway. So I guess if you don’t mind it seeming like the author did little to no research on Catholicism, then it’s a good book.

3. All the King’s Men, by Nora Sakavic (a bildungsroman). Who, me? Rereading my gay comfort trilogies during quarantine? It’s more likely than you think. Love the All for the Game trilogy. This is the third book in the series. It’s the best book in the trilogy. It is a series about a college sports team who play a made up sport called Exy, which is basically a more violent version of lacrosse. I’m not a huge sports fan, but the way she writes Exy matches had me on the edge of my seat. The team is made up of all “at-risk” students, the main character being a kid on the run from his mob boss dad. Trigger warning for the series for violence, sexual assault/rape, abuse, drug use, I may be missing some things. It was so good though.

4. Captive Prince, by C.S.Pacat (a book with a map). Back again with the gay comfort trilogies. This is the first book in the Captive Prince trilogy, and whoops, did I say love All For the Game? Love this series more. It’s awesome. It’s fantasy and gay and romantic. But the romance isn’t even the central part. Laurent is my favorite asshole. Damen is so sweet and sassy as fuck. HIGHLY RECOMMEND. Seriously. I can’t do this series justice.

5. The Foxhole Court, by Nora Sakavic (a book recommended by your favorite blog, vlog, podcast, or online book club). First book in the All for the Game series. What are you still doing here? Go start this trilogy!

6. Ella Enchanted, by Gail Carson Levine (a book that passes the bechdel test). This is such a good book. It was one of my favorite books when I was a kid. It’s basically a retelling of Cinderella, and if you’ve seen the movie version with Anne Hathaway, the book is way, way better.

7. Loki: The God Who Fell to Earth, by Oscar Basaldua (a book with the same title as a movie or TV show but is unrelated to it). God, I cannot WAIT for the Loki show. Anyway, this is a new comic about Loki (obviously). I love anything with my disaster wife in it, so 100% I recommend it.

8. As Drowning Men Clutch at Straws, by EA Roisin (a book by an author with flora or fauna in their name). Okay, so. Roisin is an Irish name that means rose, and EA Roisin is my (unpublished) pen name. In my defense, the manuscript is 186 pages long and it felt like an accomplishment when I finally finished rereading it for the first time since I finished it in 2015. Do I recommend it? I’ll let you know if it ever gets published.

9. Red White and Royal Blue, by Casey McQuiston (a book that won an award in 2019). I’m still rereading this book. I got interrupted because my sister wanted to read it and then I got a new book for my birthday. But this is, far and away, my FAVORITE BOOK. It’s so beautiful. It was very romantic (once they stopped “hating” each other), and gay. The premise sounds far-fetched: First Son of the United States falls for the Crown Prince of England. But, guys, it’s soooo gooooood. Highly, highly, highly recommend.

10. A Beautifully Foolish Endeavor, by Hank Green (a book with only words on the cover, no images or graphics). This is the sequel to An Absolutely Remarkable Thing. This was just as great as the first, but I spent a good chunk of the book vibrating with anxiety. The stakes were way higher, and I don’t think I’ve been scared while reading a book since reading Jade Green (Phyllis Reynolds Naylor) in junior high (which was fucking terrifying, btw). But I definitely recommend it!

11. Crush, by Richard Siken (a book with a pun in the title). Guys. I read this book almost every year, because it’s quick and gorgeous and the title is accurate because it absolutely crushes me. This is a collection of LGBT (more specifically, gay) poetry, and OH MY GOD. This is in my top five favorite books. I read it all the time. This is the book that made me fall in love with poetry, back in high school.

12. The Raven King, by Nora Sakavic (a book with a bird on the cover). The second book in the All for the Game series. Trigger warnings for All the King’s Men apply to this one, too.

13. 1014: Brian Boru, by Morgan Llewelyn (a fiction or nonfiction book about a world leader). If you know me, you know I’m a complete Irish history nerd. This book is about a very important battle that took place in Ireland, and the last great High King of Ireland, Brian Boru. High Kings are mostly just an elected title, who get paid via taxes from provincial kings and chieftains, but Brian was the only one who saw as close to a united, free Ireland as it got until 1921 (although since the island is split between the North and the Republic, it’s still not totally unified). I recommend if you like history.

14. The Magnolia Sword, by Sherry Thomas (a book by a WOC). Oh. My. God. So this is a retelling of the ballad of Mulan. Mulan is a very important story to me anyway (tomboy as a child, genderfluid, bisexual as fuck), and this retelling was so good and interesting. It also features one of my favorite tropes, Surprise Gays. I highly, highly recommend.

15. My Own Ways Through This Life, by Chris Viau (a book with at least a four-star rating on Goodreads). Okay, so it miiiight have a four-star rating because of me and my camp family all rating it, but it counts. This is a mixed media autobiography by one of my camp friends. He has written at least three books, and all are available on Amazon. This is the only one I’ve read so far, and it was really interesting. I definitely recommend it.

16. Insomniac City, by Bill Hayes (a book you meant to read in 2019). This book was beautiful and heartbreaking. It was a Christmas gift from my brother. It’s a memoir about Bill’s time in a relationship with Oliver Sacks, a famous neurologist. It’s sweet and melancholic and funny. Huge recommendation.

17. Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens’ Agenda, by Becky Albertalli (a book about or involving social media). Still such a wonderful book. Better than the movie, I’m telling you. It was really good, and I definitely cried. If you liked the movie, read the book. It’s different in several ways. I think if you’re thinking in terms of trueness to the book, the movie was maybe not as good, but they’re both good as their own standalone things. But I highly recommend both.

18. Loki: Agent of Asgard, by Jason Ewing (a book that has a book on the cover). This is such a good series. It’s a great characterization of my disaster wife. I love this graphic novel series. I love how they depict Loki, how he finally gets a goddamn redemption arc. It’s a really fun read. Check it out.

19. Kings Rising, by CS Pacat (a book with a made up language). This is pushing it, since they never actually speak in the made up languages on paper. But UGH. Third book in the Captive Prince trilogy, and hands down the best. Laurent and Damen finally let go of the goddamn longing and actually do something about it.

20. The Deep, by Rivers Solomon (a book set in a country beginning with C). This is pushing it, because it’s about mermaids (basically), but I think they’re in the Caribbean. I loved this book. It was so interesting. It’s based on a song by clipping., Daveed Diggs’s group. The premise is the wajinru (the mermaid people) originated as the infants from pregnant Africans that died and were thrown overboard during the slave trade. So like, it’s a pretty heavy book. But it’s heartfelt and sweet, too. Also more Surprise Gays, which came at an excellent time (November, post-Supernatual finale) for me. I highly recommend.

21. Written in the Stars, by Alexandria Bellefleur (a book you picked because the title caught your attention). I just finished this book tonight and it was so. good. It’s basically a modern, lesbian, fake dating rendering of Pride and Prejudice. And let me tell you, if there’s one thing I love more than Pride and Prejudice, it’s lesbians. It’s really really great. I highly, highly recommend.

22. Running with Lions, by Julian Winters (a book with a three-word title). Thanks to All for the Game and movies like Handsome Devil and Boys, I have discovered that I have a huge thing for queer sport stories. So this book was really, really good. It’s got friends to enemies to friends to lovers, which is great. It’s got soccer, which is way more homoerotic now. And it’s got gays, which is really why I picked this book up. But it’s well written and the story is interesting, too. I definitely recommend.

23. The Prince and the Dressmaker, by Jen Wang (a book with a pink cover). Oh my god. AHHHHH!!! This book is amazing. It’s a graphic novel, so it’s a quick read. It’s fantasy and feels a little Cinderella-y, but that’s not the best part. The queer relationship is amazing, but that’s not the best part. The prince is genderfluid! Like me! And his mask name is Sebastian! Like me! (Okay, so my name is Bastien, but close enough) This was so so so good. I got it at a convention in February, and I was practically vibrating with excitement as I read it. I highly highly highly recommend.

24. Girl Crushed, by Katie Heaney (a book by or about a journalist). I think I’d have liked this book better if it wasn’t so...similar to my life. The main premise is the main character is getting over a sudden and painful break up, after being dumped by her long-term (maybe first? I can’t remember) girlfriend. The ex has the same initials as my ex and acted very similarly, so maybe I ended up picturing her when the character came up in the book. The ending pissed me off. It was very gay and that wasn’t the entirety of the book, so maybe you’ll like it more than me. It was just too true to life for me and opened up some old wounds I didn’t want to open up. The author is an editor at Buzzfeed, so that’s how it fits into this category.

25. Date Me, Bryson Keller, by Kevin van Whye (your favorite prompt from a past POPSUGAR Reading Challenge--a book published this year). This might be my second or third favorite book, goddamn it’s that good. It’s queer, obviously, and sort of fake dating? Bryson is dared to date someone new each week. He’s assumed to be straight, so all the people he dates are girls until Kai asks him. It’s really sweet, and there’s some issues with coming out to your family that don’t always sit well with me, but overall it was really good and it ends well. I definitely recommend.

26. Loki: Where Mischief Lies, by Mackenzi Lee (a book written by an author in their 20s). AAAHHHH!!!! Fuckin.... Okay, y’all know I have feelings about Loki. He’s my spouse and I love him to death. This book was so, so good. Loki gets sent to Victorian London to solve a mystery and meets a group of humans who know about Asgard and basically keep Midgard in order for Odin. Loki is canonically pan and genderfluid (as he should be), and Theo is a sweetheart. I wrote a 10k fic coming out of reading this book (Phantom Limb by Irishavalon on AO3, check it out.). I seriously recommend!

27. Because of Winn-Dixie, by Kate DiCamillo (a book by an author who has written more than 20 books). I read this with my third graders at the beginning of this year. Such a good book. I read it as a kid too. The movie is great but as always, book is better. Recommend.

28. Adventures of Charls, the Veretian Cloth Merchant, by CS Pacat (a book with more than 20 letters in its title). This was a reread of a short story that comes after the Captive Prince trilogy. Charls, the cloth merchant, was such a great side character in the CP trilogy, and telling the story from his perspective was great. It doesn’t have to be read after the other CP short stories, but at least the trilogy should be read first.

29. Fence vol.1, by CS Pacat (a book from a series with more than 20 books). I’m pushing it with this category. I read the first volume, but this is a comic book series, so the 20 books is more issues. This is very good too. It’s another gay sports story, and is probably going to be enemies to lovers, but they’re still enemies by the end of volume 1. Still recommend.

30. Prince’s Gambit, by CS Pacat (a book with a main character in their 20s). Book 2 of the Captive Prince trilogy. Very very good.

#books #Book Recommendations #book recs

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lesbiansforboromir · 5 years

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Messaging you bc u seem like a well of tolkien knowledge. Is sex really considered elf marriage? Does that mean aragorn is an 87 year old virgin, or do you think he had the odd affair here and there (denethor)? I mean, it would be kind of a dick move to cheat on arwen, since she gave up her immortality and everything, but 87 years is a long ass time. this is totally not a move to get aragorn/denethor headconons, btw

I’d act more modest if this wasn’t all I was qualified to do now but it’s still very sweet of you to say. ANYWAY. Ooo lets get into this one.

So, for a start, this concept comes from a section of HoME called LaCE (Laws and customs of the Eldar). Which means, right off the bat, we have to make it clear that this is not true blue tolkien approved canon. Then again, you could make that argument for most of the lore we have and LaCE is the first and only time Tolkien properly discussed sexuality and sexual customs within elves. Hence it wins a place in the overall fandom canon.

So yes in essence Tolkien says that, to elves, sex is marriage. He also says that they do it like rabbits for the first few years to get the babies out of the way but once that’s over with they lose interest, so that sex is just for babies. (He also, interestingly, says that no elves are ‘born in the wrong bodies’ or something to that effect, which means that Jrrt had some concept of ‘trans-ness’, enough that he needed to specify this, which I always find interesting but thats off topic!!)

With all that being said, people do tend to just ignore it and have whatever fun they like, which is very valid. I am unfortunately cursed with a brain that demands I make sOMething of the canon it’s given or I just can’t get dopamine. So I do apply to it. BUT, as with everything Tolkien writes, you have to look at it not as a word of god, but as an in-universe historical text written by an in-universe author and then translated/copied/edited by in-universe historians with in-universe biases! And specifically, LaCE is written by a mortal human man and probably at least partly by a man named Aelfwine, who is from our world and literally just got lost in a storm and fell into Middle Earth and found Tol Eressea one day and decided to write a book about it.

How well do you think a human man from the irl earth who had to be taught elvish and arrived millenia after the war of the ring could accurately understand and describe Quendi laws and customs from that time? I’ll give you a hint, not that well!

And even then, lets look at the title, it’s not ‘Biologically determined behaviour of the eldar’ it’s ‘laws and customs’ so... the general cultural attitudes, not the absolute unflinching facts of elven life. We also know canonically it’s bullshit since... Finwe literally married again after his first wife died... like he literally went to Manwe and was like pwease mistew manwe siw can I have some mowe coochie? and they just said hmmmm yes you may and I DO need to make a bigger post about how fucking wild it is that Finwe actually needed that permission and how that essentially proves my theory that a lot of these customs are Valar enforced and holdovers from Valinor so the Silvan and Avari elves wouldn’t even apply to this- ANYWAY!

That’s a longwinded way of saying I think it’s likely that Aragorn was an 87 year old virgin but it’s not a for definite thing. And, of course, I do just really love the idea of him and Denethor having this wild and angry yet passionate love affair for a hot second but that just breaks down because of all the pressures on them from Denethor’s father ect ect and they both just rebound heavily onto much stabler and more sensible women whom they can fall in love with and adore without all the damn stress. Certainly I think Denethor would be Aragorn’s only exception, he just hasn’t met someone so starkly his equal in all fields before, neither has Denethor, and that’s very potent to the both of them.

ALSO at this point this wouldn’t be cheating. Aragorn just got a crush on Arwen and decided that was that before launching himself into the wild before she’d even MET him. She had no idea who he was until he returned from Gondor and came to Lothlorien, where they officially fell in love and got engaged. After that point I think, yes, that was that for Aragorn’s sex life until he’s married to Arwen. He’s stubborn and an elf fetishist and he’s not gonna give Elrond an inch more reasoning to deny him his daughter’s hand.

Although the like... weird tension in an AU where Denethor lives... Denethor looks older, more bent, he’s shorter than Aragorn where they used to be of a height... You can really see the struggle of the last 40 years written into his skin whilst Aragorn’s only gotten more regal, age has only made him more venerable and he still doesn’t look that old. But that potent and indomitable spark in Denethor that first drew Aragorn to him is still right there, impossible to ignore... It makes him want to slip right back into their combative and competative banter, he feels oddly young again.... Perhaps a “You shrunk, Lord Steward,” slips out without him meaning too, and Denethor just levels him with this gaze that seems to cut him in two, that strikes to the heart of him, as he answers, “You left, your majesty.” Like bOOM fucking MURDERED in your own hall, how does it fEEL to be boneless Aragorn???

... I hope some of that was what you were looking for :)

#LaCE #tolkien #denethor #aragorn #lotr #erran vs tolkien #chats #Anonymous

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hellospunkiebrewster · 5 years

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Hey, i wanna ask u about desire and decorum opinion, how long do you think the age gap between Mr.Sinclaire and Mc? And will Ms.Holloway be friends with Mc in book 3 or she become the problem between Mr.Sinclaire and Mc engagement? Btw sorry for my bad english 😆😆😆

Your English is great and the only way you will get better is practice like this. It’s really good though, much better than my Mandarin.

Mr. Sinclaire is likely in his late twenties. At one point in the story, we learn that he’s been the Master of Ledford Park for about a decade. He likely took over when he was 18 since it seems like his parents died when he was a teenager. I imagine he was in his mid-teens and an agent took care of it for a while as he learned how to and matured.

I figure he married earlier than most of the gentlemen of the time, due to the fact that he had no other family and was an extremely eligible young bachelor, a new wife of his wouldn’t have to wait at all to become Mistress of Ledford. Their marriage lasted atleast a year, the Duke and Roselyn’s affair had gone of for a year and I figure they were married for a bit before it started, and Roselyn fell pregnant, carried the kid to term, and passed. According to Mr. Sinclaire that was five years ago. I think Ernest is likely 28 or 29.

We know our MC is 20 going on 21 from the letters her mom writes. She was born November 2, 1795.

As for Miss Holloway, I don’t want a rivalry storyline with her. I think she’s just doing what she’s been told to do her whole life: find a well connected and wealthy husband to elevate yourself because as one of the many daughters of a Viscount men won’t be throwing themselves at you since you don’t have a title to offer. I’d love to help her find something kinder within herself and set her up with a new gentleman (or one we already know, I have one in mind).

#asks #anons #desire and decorum theories

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killian-whump · 6 years

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So, what happens in the end then?

Well, I can’t tell you the end!!! ...I mean, not without a cut for spoilers.

DON’T READ THIS UNLESS YOU WANNA BE SPOILED

Basically, all the events of the book get tied to a drug mogul who needed a kidney for his dying son. He sent his other son to get one on the black market, which is where Jude (the kidneynapper) came in. But the son blew the money he was supposed to give her for the kidney, so she gave the kidney to a local hospital before it could go bad. The cooler was therefore empty, though she lied and said the kidney was in it all along to ensure Phineas’ cooperation (but he kinda knew the whole time).

When the mogul’s son failed to return with a kidney (btw he’s dead), the mogul’s daughter tried to get the kidney from Jude, as well. She, too, ended up dead.

SO Phineas and Jude end up at the drug mogul’s house, intent on murdering him. Jude wants him dead because she thinks he’ll come after her - and Poe just really wants to kill somebody for stealing his damn kidney already, and he kinda fell in love with the person who actually did it. Oops.

But the drug mogul is just a really, really old man. Blind, broke, incontinent, basically helpless and uninterested in going after people or causing trouble. And the dying son is sweet and a kidney wouldn’t save him anyway (he has AIDs, which is what’s actually killing him). It’s pretty obvious that neither of them are really a threat to anyone, so they have dinner with them and put the old man to bed. Then they may or may not euthanize the son at his request. The ending is kinda ambiguous on that. Phineas is eager and ready to kill him (he’d failed his dying wife by refusing to help her die and that led to his breakdown) when he thinks the son is going to ask him to, but the boy asks for a kiss instead. Phineas kisses him (hello, title inspiration)... and the book ends.

There’s no resolution on Phineas and Jude’s romance, either - I assume that continues to develop (or is axed entirely) in the next book of the series.

#kiss me judas #anonymous #kw ask box

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theimaginatrix27 · 7 years

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I adopted the Children of Lir

I was watching a video series about Irish mythology last night, and have been thinking about my plans in the Tulatia verse ever since. And yes, that post title is pretty much accurate.

Let me explain. I’ve mentioned before that my favourite fairy tale probably of all time is The Wild Swans by Hans Christian Andersen. I didn’t know it was one of many when I fell in love with it, nor that the Grimm Brothers recorded a very similar tale with fewer brothers. When I first saw an adaptation of The Six Swans in a series of visual fairy tales, I thought I’d been ripped off.

Then I read Daughter of the Forest by Juliet Marillier. You may have seen mention of the Sevenwaters series before on this blog as well. It is one of my favourite series of all time, and The Six Swans being the framework for the first book was a big part of that. It was in the author’s note of this book that I first came across mention of The Children of Lir, an Irish myth you may have heard of. In case you haven’t, I’ll give a very brief summary in a minute.

This myth inspired another author doing a retelling of this story six years after Juliet’s version. Zoe Marriott wrote a book called The Swan Kingdom with three brothers and one sister, and I so desperately want to read this but I haven’t gotten the chance yet. At the same time I discovered this book, I discovered SurLaLune Fairy Tales (the link’s in my description), a site Juliet Marillier directed me to when she responded to my very fannish email back in 2011. This site had so much information on fairy tales, and the forty-nine annotated stories each had several subsections, including “Similar Tales Across Cultures”. In the Six Swans Similar Tales section, I found The Children of Lir. The first time I read it, I felt a pull deep in my soul, a longing for these poor babies to get some kind of happy ending, because they didn’t have one.

Brief summary: A fae king named Lir has four children by his first wife, a girl and three boys born as two sets of twins. He marries his dead wife’s sister and she’s jealous of his love for the kids, so she turns them into swans for nine-hundred years. She’s turned into an air demon (whatever that is supposed to be) as a consequence and flies right out of the story. The kids spend three-hundred years on the lake they were cursed in, three hundred years on one part of the sea and three-hundred on an even wilder section of ocean, if I remember right. They come back after this banishment to find all those they know are either dead or hidden in the hills and they have nowhere to call home any more because humans came in and took over. Shortly after this, they regain their natural shapes again, but they’re old. Like, really really old. And then they die.

That’s it. Sorrow upon sorrow upon sorrow and then they DIE.

So for starters I was thinking “But they’re Fae! Don’t fae live for more than nine-hundred years at a stretch?”

Then I remembered that my fae in Tulatia do live thousands of years, and how would this narrative play out if set in Tulatia? And a few years back, I worked them in, and they’ve been mine ever since. They’re also the progenitors of the swan maidens (or swan folk as there are males too).

Basically, in my universe, the kids spend three-hundred years flying around the faerie realm of Tulatia (which is a mighty big place and also has two suns and three moons), then six-hundred years in the mortal world of Cedalia. During this time, they end up mating with natural swans. Numerous times. Hey, they’re fae, they’re stuck in one shape and they’re bored. Don’t judge them. Anyways, they end up with loads of half-swan kids, and since the natural swans die after a fashion, their fae children are drawn to their enchanted parents and by the time the children of Lir are allowed back into Tulatia, they have a whole flock of descendants, all with fae blood and intelligence to match. In the interim (this bit is new btw), a family of trolls has taken over Lir’s old dominions because he was overcome by grief centuries ago and didn’t stand much of a chance against them. The curse on the four original swans breaks and they appear old by fae standards, meaning we’d probably see them as somewhere between forty and fifty physically. (Honestly a lot of lore from our world is misinterpretation/fabrication based in fear on the part of the humans in this verse, but I’m getting off track again.) Their first order of business is to clear out the intruders on their land, but they’re waaaaaay out of practice with their magic and they know they can’t stand much of a chance without help. Then they hear about this human girl who’s married to an enchanted fae prince but he’s being forced to marry one of the trollhags due to complications and his human sweetheart wants him back.

So Lir’s kids are all “Let’s help her out and find out what we can about their defenses while we’re at it.”

All this stems from the fact that 1. There’s a fairy tale called East of the Sun and West of the Moon and 2. swan maidens apparently hail from a castle east of the sun and west of the moon. Are they the same place? Well it probably wasn’t the original intent, but they are now.

At some point during/after this, Fionuala (the sister) gets the brilliant idea to give their fae progeny the ability to help them out, and together they use their magic to turn all the half-swans into human-shaped fae, though their swan-ness is contained in feather cloaks. Thus the swanfolk come to be. And they’re also super strong warriors and help drive out the trolls and the kids reclaim their ancestral home and ALL IS WELL WITH THEM AND THEIR KIN BECAUSE i SAID SO.

So yeah, one of many reasons I hope people will be interested in Tulatia. Maybe I’ll write this whole thing out as a proper prequel story for the series. That and the adventures of a human prince who makes the mistake of taking one of the maidens’ feather cloaks, but that’s a tale for another post. :D

#The Six Swans #The Wild Swans #The Children of Lir #Swan Maidens #Tulatia #Trix Has Plans #Fairy Tales #Mythology #Irish Myths #The Fae #Did I miss anything? xD

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owlask · 7 years

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For the classics ask meme: 4, 6, 8, and 10!

Thank you for the ask ! (Ask meme here)

4. tell me about the classical ladies you love the mostI already had the super long discussion about Acte, so how about some info about Poppaea Sabina ?

Poppaea was the second wife of Nero and the mother of his only child. Before she was born her dad got into some problem with the emperor’s circle so he was denounced, which is why Poppaea took the name of her grandfather (hence she was known as Poppaea Sabina). Originating from Pompei, Poppaea became known as the most beautiful woman in Rome and she knew that. She rarely went to public spaces, making her a rare sight and when she went out, she wore a veil to make her more intriguing (sadly only Tacitus mentions this). Speaking of Pompei, there are actually some graffiti that mention her and her freedmen/women.

Although know for making married men cheat and stuff, both Nero and future emperor Otho fell in love with her, cause men ?? Which reminds me… Poppaea was older than both of them. She was 5 years older than Nero. So when Nero met her for the first time, he was 20. Anyways Otho was the one who married her first, because Nero was still married to Octavia at that time. Otho kinda showed off that he married her, like well you can all drink, I am going home to MY wife, who is also the hottest babe in town. B^) Especially in front of Nero (who probably didn’t like that). However it is said that Poppaea used Otho to get to Nero all along (cause who wouldn’t. He’s goddamn emperor!). She become Nero’s lover and made Nero choose her over Acte (why ??? ;A;). Their affair goes on for a while. Eventually Poppaea had enough of Otho and made Nero divorce Octavia, so that she could become the empress and Nero broke off the bbf (best bro forever) relationship with Otho and send him off to Portugal.12 days after divorcing and exiling Octavia, Nero married Poppaea.

After the whole dilemma with Octavia (which I am not going to tell cause it’s too sad and brutal), Poppaea and Nero lived quite happily, where they were drawn into the luxurious way of life. Money was spend, parties were organised and they all had a blast. She gave Nero a daughter. When the little child was born, both Poppaea and the baby were given the title Augusta, which was seen as a further statement that Nero was ruling as a monarch (making him look more as a tyrant in the Roman perspective cuz king = bad). Nero was so thrilled to make dad jokes that he organised games for the event and build a temple to glorify Poppaeas fertility. The whole thing was an overreaction but exaggerating was Nero’s thing in a way. Sadly she died after a couple of months later.

Two years later Poppaea was pregnant again, but she died before giving birth. She probably died from a miscarriage and sickness, rather than a kick from Nero. It is said that the kicking your wife is a stylistic characteristic used by writers to make the said person look more like an tyrant. Whatever you believe, Nero was extremely upset about it and made her funeral super expensive. He burned an entire years ration of incense for her, mummified her (which isn’t typical Roman!), place her in the Augustan mausoleum and declared her as a goddess. You can’t ever tell me that he didn’t love her to bits (even though I am more of an Acte x Nero person).

Apparently Poppaea and Nero were an OTP in the ancient world, because we have fragments of a poem found in Egypt, that states Poppaeas longing to be with her husband on earth, rather than being the defied queen she is now in the heavens… written 200 years after Nero’s death !!! Shipping stands the test of time ?

I think you’ve probably hear enough of this rambling. XD Join me next time I receive this ask, where I’ll talk about Claudia Octavia ;) Hahaha.

6. who is your favourite character from the Iliad or Odyssey?I haven’t read both of them, but Calypso is pretty famous here on Malta, because our sister Island Gozo is thought to be the island where Calypso lived. Of course it’s just a legend, but still.

Circe also sounds cool.

8.what are your five favourite myths?I recently answered a similar question, but I think I only mentioned Greek myths. So this time have some non Greek ones. (I only have 4 though :/ )

- Romulus and Remus- The kidnapping of the Sabiner ladies- Telephos Origin story- The one of Servius Tullius

10. recommend a piece of fiction about the classical worldI don’t read much fiction, but there is one short story about a Roman “Famous 5” gang, that tries to solve the mystery of the stolen loaves. I didn’t like the ending cause the thief didn’t get punished for their crime because they were part of a certain cult (trying not to spoil it). Sadly I don’t remember the name of it. It was a children book btw, so no Roman executions for stealing bread, unlike HERE *Cough* self promotion *Cough*

#ask meme #classical meme #ultimusoctavian #ask the Ask #classical archaeology #Nero #Poppaea Sabina #Poppaea #Claudia Augusta #myths #roman myths #pergamon #Telephos #Iliad #Odyssey #Calypso #Circe #Roman fiction #children book

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singloom · 7 years

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2016 Anime/Animation Challenge ~ December (Part 1 of 2)

Splitting this month to make it easier on myself and not assault your delicate senses with my walls of textspam.

Princess Kaguya A Studio Ghibli film, Princess Kaguya was actually directed by Isao Takahata and not Hayao Miyazaki, and was based on the 10th century Japanese folk story "The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter." Like the folk story, Princess Kaguya is about a baby girl found in a glowing bamboo stock by a childless bamboo cutter. He takes the little girl home to his wife and they raise her as their own, like the child they never had. It's a touching, heartwarming story of her growing into a beautiful young lady and her transition from the countryside to the riches and glamour of the city as her new found parents try to provide the life of a Princess to their child.

What draws your attention immediately is the visual appeal of the film, like a Japanese painting come to life. For those of you that fell in love with the artistic style of the video game Okami, this is something for you. The watercolours and charcoal strokes really do give it an authentic style for a story based on such a classic folktale.

Between the gorgeous art style and a bittersweet ending, it's really a shame Princess Kaguya did not do so well at the box office because it really deserves to be seen.

Deadman Wonderland Easily nailed this series in two days since it was on the list of things to watch that I kept either forgetting about or putting off because of other stuff. Being a Loomy is hard. In Deadman Wonderland, we have a middle school student, Ganta Igarashi, who is accused of killing all his classmates in a massacre, then sent to a private-owned prison called Deadman Wonderland.

Like the title. Mind blown.

He also learns he can use his own blood as a weapon because he's a "Deadman." Handy little ability there given he's imprisoned in a place where Deadman are forced to fight each other for the entertainment of others. Not so cool.

The anime suffers from adaption distillation, changing certain aspects of the series and character interactions, so if you loved the manga and nipped over to the animation side of the pond, expect these changes in advance. If that's not too much of a problem or, like me, the anime is your first dive into DW (not Darkwind Duck, btw,) this can still be an entertaining series in terms of action and, if you like that sort of thing, bloody action. With blood tricks. Because Deadmen.

Ganta is a sympathetic figure, thrown into the thick of it against his will after being stitched up and forced into the Deadman Wonderland hellhole. His albino friend, Shiro, who knew him as a child, is like the marmite of anime characters; you'll either love her childlike mannerisms or find them a tad on the irritating side. Sadly, for myself, I leaned towards the latter. There's only so many times you can hear a bubbly girl saying the main character's name in that way before your patience wears thin. She's not all bad, but can be on the annoying side, especially later. Other characters, like Hummingbird, are interesting in the way they defy your expectations and really surprise you.

I did find Deadman Wonderland more engaging in the first half than the second, but it's worth a watch if, like I said before, bloody action is your bag in a confined setting like a prison.

Bananya Another series of short and sweet episodes, Bananya is about cats. Cats in bananas. Or bananas that are cats. Bananya cats. Each episode is about the titular Bananyas getting into all sorts of silly situations, whether it's invading the fridge or fulfilling the dream of being a chocolate covered banana. Yes, really.

There are different Bananya, like Tabby Bananya, Daddy Bananya (complete with a combover and newspaper,) Bananyako (the girl Bananya,) and even the Narrator who gives us insight into the daily lives of these curious creatures. Every episode ends by telling us a little about each Bananya.

Perfect for raising spirits and feelings of sweetness between more depressing shows. I already want plushies of these cute wee things. <3

Yuri!!! On Ice That gay show about ice skating, do I really have to go into this? Yuri!!! On Ice is everywhere, even professional ice skaters tweet about this one. Promising ice skater Yuri Katsuri finds himself being mentored by professional Adonis of the rink, Victor Nikiforov. It's an anime with a lot of heart, with characters you root for, even when they find themselves facing each other in professional skating tournaments. The fact the couple went canon instead of being just fujoshi bait made it even better because same-sex represenation needs to be a thing. The skating routines are beautiful, especially Yuri Katsuri mirroring Victor's performance in episode 1. Although the animation does dip at points in the later episodes, they are still beautiful spectacles. It's a lovely show. Give it a go.

We're Going On a Bearhunt Christmas Eve gave us the first ever viewing of We're Going On A Bearhunt, the animated feature based on the book by Michael Rosen. From the makers of The Snowman, this tells the story of four children heading out in search of a bear, singing a song about what a beautiful day it is and they're not scared whatever they find and whatever the weather. It's definitely one to watch if you've got younger ones about the house because it's one to enjoy as they squelch through the mud, paddle through water and stomp through the snow in search of an elusive grizzly. My only qwibble is how depressing the ending is, a far cry from the cheery book. Way to tear my heart out in time for Christmas, you guys.

Rewatch Who else remembers the Samurai Pizza Cats? The more I think about this special cartoon, the more I realise it might have been my first proper anime cartoon of sorts, one of two things that really got me into my love of Japan (the other being the Ganbare Goemon games.) Set in a mechanical style Little Tokyo, the city is defended from the villainous Big Cheese (or ) by a group of crime fighting, pizza loving heroes known as the Samurai Pizza Cats. Speedy Cerviche (Yattaro) is the leader who wields a sword when fighting crime. Polly Esther (Pururun) is the fiesty feline who attacks with the power of love itself... or her claws when the situation calls for it. Lastly, Guido Anchovy is the cool dude sporting the Samurai Sunspot Umbrella in battle.

I'm very attached to this series since I watched it on telly as a little Loomy and, like I said, it was a part of my gateway into Japanese cartoons, even if this one was localised with very strong liberties. However, that is actually part of the fun since you can tell they just rolled with it and had fun with the script. Even as a 30 year old, I still find it a blast to watch for old times sake.

I still remember the Samurai Pizza Cat Fanclub Oath. Say it with me, friends. :)

#2016 anime challenge #anime #animation

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akissatmidnight · 7 years

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I’ve been a huge fan of Philipa Gregory for a long time. I loved how she was able to use history, legend, gossip, and lore to make enthralling books. With all the hype that the show version of The White Princess is getting, I wanted to go back through my notes and talk about both books/shows and the true history that inspired them! We’ll go into The White Queen first and then delve into The White Princess…

Melusine

Melusine is a mythical mermaid-like creature that exists in various European folklore, but exists mainly France. Historically, the Luxembourg family is one of many who claims ancestry from Melusine. It fed into the thought that Jacquetta claimed strong heritage from Melusine, as well as mystical powers. The fact that a text of the tale of Melusine was found in her personal collection didn’t help matters, but seeing as it was a popular story of love and loss, it wasn’t rare and her involvement in the legend is probably very much exaggerated.

To give you a short version of the legend of Melusine, she was a beautiful half woman and half mermaid/serpent that only took on her mythological form once a week. A man hunting came upon her and offered her marriage. She accepted as long as he would leave her alone in total privacy once a week to bathe. For a time, they were happy, but the man soon grew too curious and spied on his wife, seeing her true form. Enraged, Melusine flew from the castle, never to be seen again, although she still thought of herself as the protector of her family and would wail when a member passed and help them if she could.

BTW Does this double tailed beauty look familiar? If you’re a coffee drinker like I am, you’ll recognize her as the Starbucks mermaid. Think about that next time you stop for your morning cup.

Jacquetta of Luxembourg

The Luxembourg family is an old French one, claiming lineage from the fabled Melusine. Jacquetta had many royal ties in different countries due to her high birth, and her first marriage was to a son of King Henry IV of England. They had no children by the time he died two years later, leaving Jacquetta a young and extremely wealthy duchess. As her title made her the second most powerful woman in the English court, next to the queen, she could have had her choice of husbands…

Lowly English knight Richard Woodville was tasked by the king to bring the newly widowed Jacquetta to court. But the pair fell in love. Despite it being illegal due to their difference in status and their refusal to wait for royal permission, they still married in secret. When it came out, no one could really be the mad, and they were merely fined. But Jacquetta was BFFs with Henry’s queen Margaret and Margaret made sure Richard got a title to put him on more even footing with his wife. So, he became Earl Rivers and the Lord High Treasurer.

Jacquetta and Richard had 14 children during their marriage, including “The White Queen”, Elizabeth. As she, obviously, made sure her children received titles, position, and even a crown, she was thought to be a witch by many. Most notably, she was accused of using sorcery to seduce King Edward into the bed of her daughter Elizabeth. While the charges were later dropped due to lack of evidence, the gossip followed her until her death…and followed her daughter for the entirety of her life as well.

Elizabeth Woodville

Born around 1347 to a well respected genteel family. She married first to a man who died a Lancaster supporter, leaving her a widowed mother of two sons. Luckily, she was still young enough to marry again and was “the most beautiful woman in the isle of Britain…with heavy lidded eyes like those of a dragon.” Might not sound like a compliment, but it totally was. If it wasn’t for being named a Lancastrian traitor, the obviously fertile mother of two boys could have married again easily. But it was almost lucky for Elizabeth that she wasn’t one to hop on the first man who came by her home. No, Elizabeth had her sights set on a man worthy of her.

Anyway, historians can’t agree as to how Elizabeth met the young King Edward IV, although the general lore says that Elizabeth dressed plainly and waited by the side of the road for Edward to pass with her two sons. Her original plan is said to have been to merely receive some sort of pardon for her dead husband (who fought and died after fighting against Edward and his York army, thus losing his wealth). But when Edward saw her, he was taken by her innocence, her maternal glow, and the graceful elegance she held even when not decked out in jewels. Edward wanted Elizabeth and would do anything to have her, even defy his family and his advisers to marry her in secret.

They had a strong marriage where 10 children were born and no matter what mistresses Edward took, he always came back to his wife. Again, not suuuuper romantic, but there weren’t many kings out there without a bevy of mistresses, and at least Edward actually did love Elizabeth. Their marriage is said to be one of the early examples of true love in a royal marriage. But her ability to sway the gaze of a king and make herself his queen made some believe that she was witch, just like her mama.

Edward IV

Yeah, not the glowing blonde god we saw in the show, but for a guy back then, he was the Jake Gyllenhaal of his time. He is noted as being “a man so vigorous and handsome that he might have been made for the pleasures of the flesh”. His hot bod got him at least 15 children that history knows of, but I’m guessing there were more little Eddies stashed around England. For Edward, he was born in France, the oldest living son of Richard of York, who believed he was the true king of England….Well, he might have been, or he might have been the illegitimate product of an affair by his mother. That story was drug up throughout his reign, and even after his death, to weaken his claim to the throne as well as that of his children’s. No matter who is daddy was, Edward really took the York mission to heart and fought to become the first York king of England…and the tallest one in history! He and his two brothers were known as the three suns in the sky and the three sons of York.

As I’ve said, he spied Elizabeth and her boys and thought she’d make a hell of a wife. She was a bit older and not a princess like he “should” have wed, but when Edward wanted something, he was sure to get it. Besides, the fact that she was obviously capable of birthing children mainly sons, was particularly attractive. So he put a ring on it and made her his queen. It ended up that the ex-Lancaster supporter was well loved but the people! Elizabeth’s 12 unmarried sisters soon found top notch marriages and Edward was basically surrounded by his in-laws. Much of the other nobility was angry, but Edward told them to shut up or shove off.

There was some rebellion against Edward’s reign, sometimes headed by his own brother George, but there was no other strong claim to the throne besides a little guy named Henry Tudor who was living in exile. The rest of Edward’s short life kept him in power and when he died at the age of 40, he made his brother, Richard, the protector of England until his son Edward could be crowned.

Richard III

Spoiler alert! Prince Edward (now known as lil’Edward) was never crowned and Richard became king. When King Edward died, he thought his little brother Richard would keep his crown safe for his son, but he was super wrong. Richard placed his nephew in the Tower of London to await the coronation that would never come.

To take the crown, he began by ousting the Woodvilles from power, imprisoning the men and forcing the women into hiding. Queen Elizabeth herself went into sanctuary with her daughters and youngest son Richard (now known as lil’Richard) while Richard worked on making her marriage to King Edward illegitimate, thus ruining lil’Edward’s claim to the throne. He ended up imprisoning both boys in the tower, where they never left (more on that later).

Richard finally got his just desserts when he was killed in battle by Henry Tutor’s forces at the age of 32. Recently, his battered bones were found in during construction and it was found that he did have uneven shoulders and a curvature of the spine as many have said. He was also found to have been mutilated before being unceremoniously dumped in a ditch. While he wasn’t a handsome man in his prime, it’s a wonder that he was able to start some kind of relationship with his niece Elizabeth of York..but that’s a tale for my next post.

The Princes in the Tower

Once lil’Edward was already in The Tower of London “for his safety”, Richard plucked lil’Richard from sanctuary and had him join his brother. Over the next few months, Richard was made king, Elizabeth and Edward’s marriage was made illegitimate, and the boys were seen less and less until they were never seen again.

It is widely accepted that Richard had a hand in the boy’s disappearance and even at the time he was thought to be the murderer, well that he ordered it anyway. With them out of the picture, he thought there wouldn’t be any issue with him retaining the throne.

But there’s another theory that at least one of the boys survived. Now Elizabeth Woodville was a smart woman and knew how hard it had been for Edward to keep his throne. She knew that if she let lil’Richard go to the tower like lil’Edward, he would never come back. It’s thought that she was able to smuggle lil’Richard out of sanctuary to take a new identity with a trusted family and replaced him with a local boy. For years afterwards, several people came forward claiming to be the lost prince, but none was ever confirmed. Since then, two sets of children’s skeletons have been found, but neither have been tested. So it’s possible that we will never know what happened to Elizabeth’s sons.

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I hope you found this little look into the world of The White Queen fun and informative. I’ll be working on something for The White Princess soon, so keep checking back for more historical fun! And if Scottish history is your thing, read some historical articles with a fun twist on our Outlander page HERE!

If you enjoyed this write up, you’ll probably love my book, Queen of Emeralds! It’s a historic romance set in the highlands that you can get HERE in paperback, ebook, or free on kindle unlimited!

The History Behind ‘The White Queen’ I've been a huge fan of Philipa Gregory for a long time. I loved how she was able to use history, legend, gossip, and lore to make enthralling books.

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