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sunshine-jesse · 4 months

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Ashley Literally Did Nothing Wrong, Fuck You, Fight Me

Alt title: Ashley Graves: The most convenient scapegoat in the world

I'm going to espouse a take here that will no doubt be controversial, as you can tell by the title. This is a take I've created from my hollistic understanding of the events of the game, and isn't dependent on any one single point I make in this essay. Because of that, I want you to read it with an open mind; if you hyperfocus on one or two smaller details I might've gotten wrong or are fallaciously interpretated, and either use that to discount the whole essay or go into the comment section and immediately try to debunk my interpretation of that event, that'll make it obvious to me that you're not trying to seriously engage with the core of what I'm trying to say. Because unless quite literally everything I've said here is wrong, I feel confident in saying this:

Ashley Graves did nothing wrong.

Moreover, I think Ashley is on the level of people like Rossiu, Shinji Ikari, and Skylar White as far as people who are mistreated by their fandoms goes.

At first this was going to be an essay about how I don't think the demons are evil, using textual and thematic evidence to show that they're just part of a system that deals mostly fairly with humans and doesn't have any nefarious plans, or at least nefarious plans that stand to fuck anyone over. But then I realized that, goodness gracious, that is boring as shit to write! But I looked at what I had written already and realized that I could write something else with it: something better. I could sum up a lot of the points made in my prior essays and elaborate upon them in much more detail, showing why I think certain themes are obviously present within this game. And here, I intend on doing that.

I've spoken a lot before about how Ashley is a scapegoat for all of Andrew's worst habits; and to a lesser extent, her mother's. The game makes it seemingly obvious that she's the bad one, and generally just a Very Not Good person. It shows her and her brother committing many different acts that are, under most moral systems, wrong, and implicitly implies that she's the reason that Andrew ever did those things. It implies that she's corrupting him, that he could be better and refuses- or is unable to- due to her poking and prodding. But… is that the truth? Is that how their relationship actually works, in practice? I don't believe so. I think I've made it obvious by now that I believe the exact opposite!

I'm going to start off by tackling the morality behind their actions, especially relative to the world they're in. Specifically, I'm going to tackle how the game presents the morality of their actions from a thematic point of view, and any statements it may or may not make.

First of all, TCOAL plays with a lot of different taboos- demon summoning, cannibalism, incest, murder- but the game goes through great lengths to muddy the moral weight of the siblings' actions. Every single action they commit is portrayed in the most neutral possible light- killings were done in self defense (with one notable exception), or done to people who greatly wronged them, cannibalism was a necessity to survive (also with one notable exception), incest is shown to come from a marked improvement in their relationship- leading me to believe that this game is taking a hard morally nihilistic stance. Else, they'd be shown to suffer for their actions, when in reality, the literal exact opposite is happening; they are being rewarded for it. This isn't necessarily glorifying the actions, but instead showing that even the worst of actions can potentially be excused, but whether or not you do is up to the reader. Hence, nihilism, or at the very least, skepticism (as noted by Lisafication). There's an existentialist reading of this too, but I think much of that is contingent on the events of chapter 3 so I won't get into that here.

It contrasts this mostly nihilistic perspective on interpersonal taboos with the deep societal ills that drive people to commit such actions. Evil exists at every level of analysis here, but curiously, the only thing that are shown to do direct harm to others without having a justification of some kind- be it self-defense or retaliation- are those societal ills. There is no (morally) good reason to quarantine people, starve them, and harvest their organs. There's no good reason to burn all evidence and then put a hit on the ones who did escape. There's no good reason to extort sexual favors from someone in exchange for food. These are deep structural problems that force people to either retaliate/lash out or enable people's most exploitative or abusive habits lest they just let themselves die.

And thus, the obvious evils become much less obvious. The game makes a point of subverting the obvious or the well-known when it comes to morals, and I think it does so when it comes to everything else, too. Outside of those societal ills (so far, ch3 might have something else to say), every situation where someone could obviously be shown as the bad person in a situation is immensely more complex than it first appears. So much so that I'd argue that displaying said complexity and subverting simplicity to force/encourage people to analyze things deeper is one of the central themes of the game.

So why, exactly, does he blame so much on her? It's because Ashley is the world's most convenient scapegoat, and the game is well-aware of this and displays it in ways both obvious and not.

First off: the title screen has Ashley wielding the cleaver, establishing that she’s the violent one. It's covered in blood, too, implying that she's the one more driven to kill. The reality of this is the opposite; Andrew is the one with less hesitation to inflict violence on others, the cleaver is his weapon, and most of the kills in the story are done by him (and fully justified). Ashley might push him to do these violent acts, but… does she?

Her reaction to the death of the first warden is one of utter shock.

And her expression afterwards?

This is not the look of someone who enjoyed the fact that someone killed for her sake. This is not the look of someone who finds joy to be had in violence. It's not even the look of someone who is apathetic towards violence. It almost seems to express shame or guilt, but at the very least, she's timid over it. At the very least, it's an "oh shit, he actually had to do that for my sake" face. Not a "haha, I am making him worse!" face.

Not to mention, not only does Andrew kill the first Warden without a care in the world, he proactively kills the 302 lady to eliminate all witnesses, and because he believes Ashley would want him to. But Ashley actually grills him for it; she didn't want the 302 lady to die, although she hardly had good-person-reasons for it. But that's not my point. The point is that she is not the violent one between the two of them.

The door doesn't open in response to violence, remember?

The game intentionally misleads us.

And what happens when Ashley tries to make him take responsibility for all this violence? To point out that she didn't force him to do anything and that he chose to do all of it, including lock Nina in the box? She lashes out, hits him a few times… and then he goes to strangle her, and doesn't let go until she acknowledges that he has no reason for her to be around. He literally doesn't cease his threat to her life until she acknowledges she's useless to him.

I acknowledge that this isn't the most charitable framing for Andrew, and maybe too charitable for Ashley. After all, she wasn't indignant. She was mocking him. She found it hilarious. But I have reasons for that charitability that I'll go over towards the end. But even with that charitability in mind, I don't think my reading is too off base. Defaulting to laughter or mocking in stressful situations is just what Ashley does. She's not indignant about it; she just finds it hilarious that people keep pretending to be better than her, when they're not.

Andrew killed the 302 lady and used Ashley as a scapegoat to justify it; this is indisputable, stated in the text during the dream. This alone validates Ashley's point of view. There is no interpretation of this event that doesn't paint Andrew as every bit as unscrupulous as Ashley, and thinking she corrupted him into this- when it was both one of the first actions he did on his own in the story and something he explicitly uses Ashley as a scapegoat for- is just ridiculous. It's frankly unreasonable. She has every right to be sick of being used as a scapegoat. And at the very least, whether or not you accept the idea that Andrew only let Ashley go once she acknowledged that she's useless to him, he's still so taken aback by his misinterpretation of Ashley's desires that HE goes to strangle HER.

This is NOT Andrew triumphantly standing up to his abuser. This is both of their masks slipping; Andrew revealing how violent and insistent on keeping up his internal narrative that he is, and Ashley revealing that she's getting tired of being blamed for everything.

And then, when he finally lets her go… she hugs him, and acknowledges that she's happy that Nina is gone, which makes little sense at the face of it. Why would that be her first response to being let go, when it was ostensibly what made Andrew so upset to begin with?

I think, to her, it's a conciliatory gesture. As chapter 2 showed us, she's more than willing to take responsibility for violence to relieve Andrew of stress over it, as evidenced by her finishing off their parents. This is an earlier instance of that; by acknowledging she was happy that Nina was dead, she took responsibility for it. She willingly framed herself as a bad person here, so Andrew wouldn't have to be.

She let herself be the scapegoat, because it's all she ever knew. She put the mask back on.

This alone is enough to challenge the idea that Ashley 'corrupts' Andrew in any meaningful way. How, exactly, can you define it as corrupt when society itself is twisted enough to force these actions to survive? In a more sane world, a lot of their actions would've been bad, sure, but they're also actions that the siblings probably wouldn't have done in a more sane world. Ashley's actions aren't making Andrew worse, they're helping to ensure their survival. You could say that this is still corruptive in its own way, but at that point it seems like your reasoning is motivated by having already had that narrative rather than making a good-faith reading of their dynamic.

At no point did she actually make him worse; he was already like that and just used her as an excuse.

Next up is the Nina situation. This one is obviously cut and dry- Ashley manipulates Andrew into killing Nina because she wants no competition between the two of them. It's not Andrew's fault and Ashley was an evil abuser from the jump. Obvious, right?

No. It's really not.

It's pretty strongly implied that Ashley was mistreated by people her whole life. The Lemon Cupcake scene shows this in more detail, about how people always neglect or ignore her birthdays, but she also says that nobody likes her because she's weird and loud in the Nina flashback too. But unless something big happened in between the two flashbacks, none of this behavior indicates particularly maladaptive or even strange tendencies on Ashley's part. She's a needy, bratty child, and the closest thing to a friend she has- Nina- wants to take away the one thing from her that's a source of comfort and emotional validation.

It's not entirely rational, sure! But it also -makes perfect sense-. NOBODY treated her well throughout her entire life; it's strongly implied that Nina never did either, given Nina's reaction to Ashley being there and the lower left-hand painting past the Questionable door showing her being distant from the two of them. We can also see a star bouncing off of her head, and stars represent closeness in this game, so it shows there was an attempt made somewhere along the line, it's just not clear as to who made the attempt.

At the very least, Nina's reaction of disappointment fed into Ashley's preconceived notions of how people treat her, and how she deserves to be treated. Although, from what has been directly stated, rather than implied, Nina was nothing more than an innocent victim in this scenario; I don't mean to take that away from her.

"But she didn't care when Nina died?"

So? If Nina treated her like trash for most of her life, why should she care? She didn't expect Nina to die. It was just an acceptable consequence. You can say "That's not how normal kids act!" all you want, but there's a level of spite and apathy that comes with intense bullying and emotional neglect that I don't think you really understand unless you've been there to the extent someone like Ashley has implied to be.

Andrew, meanwhile, was the one who told Ashley that they had to lock Nina in the box to keep them in there. He's the one who looked for and found the stick to keep them locked in. You could say he was coerced by an abusive person into hurting someone, sure, but you'd be wrong. Cataclysmically wrong, even. Like, if you actually think that a seven year old girl (nobody wears overalls past the age of seven) can have anything approximating an abusive dynamic with her as the perpetrator with someone both older and stronger than her, you frankly have some issues with women you need to work out. That's simply not how abuse dynamics work at that age.

Andrew wasn't entirely responsible for it either, mind- he was just a kid who should never have been saddled with this kind of responsibility. But that's not my point; the point is that it enables other people, Andrew included, to use her as a scapegoat to avoid his own responsibility. All this scene does is retroactively justify any preconceptions you might've had about them from seeing their adult selves first. But the moment you start digging, it becomes much less obvious who's really culpable here. Andrew was, as evidenced by the blood oath scene, fully aware that he held the advantage over her in strength, and managed to give up nothing when making the oath while he made Ashley swear to silence. He was fully aware that he could've chosen to do better, but he refused, and instead opted to reinforce Ashley's insecurities for the sake of exerting control over her.

I've said before that the 302 lady was murdered without any input from Ashley, but this is also relevant on a meta-level because it's done without any input from the player, either. Both of the murders in chapter 1 were like that, whereas all that we, the player can choose to do in that chapter is either solve puzzles, or hilariously, die. The only person with control here is Andrew, the character, and this is reinforced by the fact that we have no control over him for much of the Nina flashback, too. He locks her in the box regardless of our input, even though Ashley spends a lot of time trying to convince him. The main difference between the Nina flashback and the scenes in the apartment is that Ashley had absolutely no idea that any of that was going to happen in the present, whereas it's something she wanted with Nina- which isn't that big of a difference when discussing how much agency she really has.

As much as the game frames Ashley as a manipulator- and much of the fanbase uncritically accepts- she is given shockingly little in-game control over many of the actions committed. Even in the case of the Hitman- as a good friend of mine pointed out- the only choice the player is given is whether or not to check the closet and be killed; an impulsive decision leading to a swift and unceremonious end. In the end, Andrew is the one given the choice to kill the hitman, and we can consciously choose whether or not his reaction is panicked or measured. No such choice is given to Ashley, as most of her reactions are impulsive and spontaneous rather than planned. This is not the makings of a standard "manipulative evil bitch" trope. She's pretty consistently portrayed as someone with poor impulse and emotional control who loudly and aggressively states her intent in every single scenario she's in.

And you can still call what she says and does manipulative despite that, sure, but at what point are you just pathologizing relatively normal (if extreme and highly emotional) social interactions for the sake of fitting into a narrative you already held?

We see Ashley's status as a scapegoat for people to use to pretend to be normal reach its most blatant with the parents. This time it's pretty cut and dry to anyone that doesn't already have it in their mind that Ashley is evil and unforgivable. Mrs. Graves explicitly brings up the possibility of a normal life without Ashley to Andrew in the basement, and claims that Ashley was at fault for shutting her out. She would've been a normal parent otherwise, right? Well, no; the game wastes no time in showing that this wasn't the case in the Burial ending.

From when Ashley was a baby, Mrs. Graves was already tired of her shit, and too emotionally exhausted to be a parent. Despite her attempts at blaming Ashley, she would've never been a normal parent unless Ashley was a golden child in the same way that Andrew was. And yet Ashley didn't even deny shutting her mom out. She didn't deny the chance to be used as a scapegoat; it was all she ever knew. The fact that Mrs. Graves had the audacity to claim that she was a saint when she was never prepared to be a parent for a child who didn't make it easy, and when she was willing to sell out her children and let them die for a life insurance payment is absolutely astounding.

This alone should've been enough to recontextualize everything we supposedly know about how responsible Ashley really is in all of this, but bad parents have a knack for being great at manipulating both family members and everyone viewing from the outside, including the people playing the game.

And almost including Andrew.

Andrew almost accepting the mom's offer is the single most tragic moment in the game, by far.

Dandy said it best in his video essay: By Ashley leaving Andrew alone with their parents, she showed that she is capable of changing. That she is capable of getting better. She showed that she loves and respects Andrew enough to be able to put aside her usual role as the scapegoat and allow him to make the decision that was for the best for both of them. And make no mistake, it was for the best; if the mom really DID sell out the siblings, and given the two of them were already on the run for supposedly being dead, there was no hope of any of this ever working out. They saw through the conspiracy and knew the truth of how the quarantine operations really worked. They were an active threat to one of the most powerful entities seen in the setting so far, to the point where they had a hitman sent after them.

Mrs. Graves had every reason to sell them out again, for their presence in a public setting was more than enough to put everyone in their family in danger. Mrs. Graves had every reason to believe that the normalcy she wanted was nothing that could ever be grasped again so long as her children were alive, and as such, it was clear that she had nothing to offer either Andrew or Ashley. Ashley trusted Andrew to see through their obvious manipulations and lies, and understand that the parents had nothing left to give them. She trusted him to love her more than the false promises their parents could give.

…And yet. In spite of it all.

In spite of her love, in spite of clearly displaying that she can grow up and become a person that causes him less stress, and in spite of Ashley showing that all she wants now is their safety and security…

Andrew can still choose to consider Ashley the problem. He can still choose to use her as the scapegoat he always has.

He can still choose to see her as the one thing that caused him to be this way, that stands in between him and normalcy, when she, not once, forced him to do anything.

Were he to accept Mrs. Graves' offer, this would've been the single most tragic moment in the game. It almost was, and still stands to be, because he ignores every indication that things could be better for the sake of his own narrative, and a narrative echoed by much of the fandom.

But no matter what ending was picked, things could be better. They could've been better all along. Compared to chapter 1, their dynamic in chapter 2 is already much healthier. Their banter is less venomous, and while they still poke and prod each other in ways that aren't exactly great, they don't get into the same violent fights we saw in the 302 room. By all accounts, what happened in that room was an outlier. Even when they find themselves in their parents' house, where they stand to do the One Thing That Means They Would Never Be Normal Again, Ever (ignoring the fact that this is already a lost cause by then), Ashley doesn't get into any fights with Andrew in the same way she did back in the apartment. All she wants is affirmation and security. She doesn't even lay into her mom like she lays into Julia over the phone, even in their private conversations.

We’re led to believe that she’s still getting worse because the actions she’s taking are more extreme, but her attitudes and behaviors are much, much different. The actual actions they're taking are so obviously the right thing to do (both morally and practically) that I don't think it's until they eat their parents that you should make a double take and go "Wow, maybe these goblins actually are kinda fucked up," because until then, well… everything is justified! Perfectly so! Even then, eating their parents serves a purpose, even if not a mentally healthy one.

Maybe she’s calmer because she’s in control over the situation, but if the calls she made to Julia are any indication (independent of the theory that she didn’t actually say those things), were she unchanged as a person, she still would’ve lashed out at their mother over how much more useful she is to Andrew than their parents were, or something of that nature. Something about how nothing their mom offers could compete with what Ashley gives. But she makes no such claims. She feels no need to prove anything to her parents, or to reaffirm her place in Andrew’s life even in the face of her mother challenging it (or at least implying such a challenge). Regardless of her insecurities, she’s changed. It’s hard to see, but she has.

And then Andrew can ignore that and consider betraying her because he refuses to believe that she's willing to make their dynamic work, when she shows many different indications of being willing to concede as long as Andrew stops giving her mixed signals.

A friend of mine put it best, and I'm pretty much quoting her word for word here, because of how strongly I agree with it. When I look at Ashley, I find very few actual "flaws." I see familiar wounds.

The Burial ending, despite being triumphant and not nearly as "dark" as some people think, is still very, very sad. A lot of abusive dynamics are characterized by someone having to fight every step of the way to get what they need from the other person, usually some kind of emotional validation or relief. This is what happens between Andrew and Ashley for most of the game: Ashley wants Andrew to treat their relationship as special, to acknowledge there's something to it beyond just him going through the motions. And yet for most of the game, he refuses to, especially in chapter 1. And then, in Burial, when he does…

She's confused.

A lot of people view this as her being afraid of losing control over Andrew, since her "Andy," who she can push around, is gone. Andrew has changed, and the same tricks wouldn't work. But that's not what that is; it's not about control, it's about her finally getting what she wants from him without having to fight. She still thinks about using sex as leverage to keep him around, but that's because she's never understood what it's like to have someone actually want to be around her. And I speak from experience; when you no longer have to fight for every little bit of emotional validation or relief, when you no longer have to keep checking your messages to keep an argument going so you can finally be proven right, when you no longer have to force yourself to let go, to stop engaging, the reaction isn't happiness. It's not relief.

It's confusion. It's discontent.

Because something you've tied so much of yourself up in to is no longer there, despite it being more peaceful, it still feels wrong. The dynamic still has to be this way in your mind, because you've never known anything else. You latch on to whatever you can in order to justify that, and your actions are still heavily biased in favor of maintaining your place in that nonexistent dynamic. This isn't manipulation; it's trauma. And the fact that Ashley almost immediately understands that Andrew is changing is nothing short of a miracle. By consolidating past and present Andrew into a single person rather than splitting them into two, she showing that she can actually heal from that trauma. And all Andrew had to do to enable this is to acknowledge that she CAN change, that things CAN be better, and that everyone who claims to be better than her is full of shit.

I've analyzed the events of the story in a way that may seem needlessly antagonistic to some characters, and overly charitable to others. But I have to ask you, that if you disagree with anything I've said:

Where does that disagreement come from? What about my narrative clashes with your own? -Why- does it clash? Is it because the game presents your interpretation as obvious, whereas mine is not? Is it because you've experienced someone like Ashley before in your life, and you know it when you see it? Maybe you strongly identify with Andrew, and view his status as a doormat with no agency to be obvious? Or did you just accept the narrative that much of the fanbase has taken at face value, without further analysis other than building on top of it?

I don't believe these things to be contrarian; I've held most of these opinions since my first or second playthrough. I don't believe what I do because you don't, I believe what I do because I understand what Ashley has been through. I've experienced a lot of the specific traumas she had, such as deep feelings of isolation and being deprived of the emotional validation I need from the people who need to give it. I know what it's like to be misunderstood, to have who and what I am taken for granted, and to be terrified of being abandoned by the people I need the most. I see what I do because I understand.

And I want to give her that understanding that nobody gave me.

Maybe you should think about it. Why do you take it for granted that Andrew is a doormat who is strung along by Ashley? Why do you find it so odd when the trope of a woman corrupting a good man through leveraging sex is drawn into question? Why is Ashley seen as crazy, when all of her actions are so straightforward and rational? How is she corrupting him, when the single most needlessly violent act in the whole story- outside of the Nina flashback- is done without her influence? Why is Ashley seen as the abusive one when Andrew both threatens and resorts to physical violence and witholds emotional validation?

Weirdly personal tangent aside, Ashley and Andrew are two of the most well-written characters I have ever seen. They're not written like archetypes who interact with each other through a series of tropes; they're written like real people who's words and actions have astoundingly human motivations. They come from places that we can understand and relate to.

And just like people, they deserve respect. In spite of all they've done, they deserve love.

But make no mistake, Ashley is not the one stopping that love from happening. She just has the audacity to still want it in spite of everything telling her that she doesn't deserve it. We're led to believe she wants too much, but all she ever wanted was the bare minimum that she was never given.

And she has every right to be mad about it.

#andrew graves #ashley graves #the coffin of andy and leyley #tcoaal #tcoaal essay #gaming

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zombee · 6 months

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I feel like the luckiest Our Flag Means Death fan in the world after the season 2 finale. By a series of incredible circumstances - including a significant metatextual realization that came in at the 11th hour - it was close to perfect for me.

This essay has everything. Completely normal behavior over a television series. Steven Universe references. The David Jenkins School of Whatever is Best for the Bit. Humbling catharsis.

First: this piece does not exist with the central thesis of “it’s okay to not like something but that’s not the same thing as it being bad.” I feel like thousands of words have already been written on this since Thursday, so I’m going to try to not get too in depth on that.

Second, cards on the table, because it’s relevant and I don’t want to waste your time if this is going to sour your ability to hear me out: I’m an Izzy Canyon hater. For MANY reasons, but from way before the concept of the Canyon existed, (some) Izzy fans pinged me in the same way as Snape/Kylo Ren fans did, and before May 2022 was over I went from genuinely enjoying Izzy’s character and place in the narrative to hating him because his fans made it impossible for me to enjoy him anymore.

(SOME! of his fans. Please don’t keep making me say this, although I’m not going to talk about the Canyon directly anymore after this. I know there are a ton of normal Izzy Enjoyers and even Canyonites, I am literally friends with many of them, please take this all in the good faith it’s intended and if you’re not One Of The Bad Ones then you’re fine! I very carefully don’t go anti-Izzy on main, and when I stopped enjoying his character, I stopped writing him into fics. I’m not trying to be a dick, I just want to be honest. Anyway.)

The season 2 finale made me weep over Izzy Goddamn hands.

ALL season long, I was disgruntled. All season long. I really, truly, DEEPLY appreciated what they were doing with his character and arc, I thought it was wildly on brand for the themes of community/queerness in the show, I saw the vision, I liked it!!! But. I wanted a fucking apology, yall. I needed three seconds of “sorry I called you a slur, Ed :/” and that would have been enough. But I had to let it go. It was poisoning my enjoyment of the whole season, which I loved with very little exception (not none!) and I just had to let it go. I wasn’t getting an apology. That didn’t negate what they were doing with his character.

Yall. They withheld the apology on purpose.

THIS FUCKING SHOW!!!

Let’s go back a bit. I was at the episode 6 + 7 screening, and the breakup shook me. Probably a LOT more than if I had watched it alone in bed at 3am on my laptop - five days of no sleep after NYCC, lots of emotions, seeing it on a big screen with a hundred other intense fans, etc etc - but I did see other folks reacting in parallel ways to me when the episodes aired to the regular public, so maybe I would have felt the same way. Regardless, I was mad at Stede and to a lesser extent Ed. I NEEDED AN APOLOGY FOR THAT FISH LINE. I needed it! “Whativah” autocorrects to “WHATIVAH” in my phone. I was going through it.

(When I rewatched the episode when it aired it was not nearly as bad as I remember, lol)

So now the episode 8 screeners go out and the reviews drop and I think I catch one half-glimpse of a “What a heartbreaking ending!” kind of snippet, and some of my friends who are spoiler fiends unintentionally drop little hints about similar ideas (devastating/heartbreaking/split the fandom) type shit.

And I was a fucking WRECK! about it.

I do love this whole show with my whole chest. I do!!! But I’m not rotted because this is an excellent television show, I’m rotted because two old men kiss each other! On the MOUTH!!! in an excellent television show. You get it, right? I’ve written 700,000 words across almost 100 fics and 98% of them are dedicated to those two men falling in love in different universes.

So it just did not even occur to me the “heartbreak/devastation/fandom split” would be about anything but Gentlebeard.

Another piece of this that was fucking me up - David Jenkins and his “satisfactory” ending biz. My brain was reacting like this show was ENDING ending, even if I knew logically! that this is just season 2!!! And I wasn’t ready for that, because what if it wasn’t personally satisfying, and I’m a mess about it? Why was I so worried about not liking it? I’d liked the whole season! Even if they didn’t nail the landing I wasn’t going to stop writing fic or hanging out with my pirate community & friends.

…is what I kept trying to tell myself, but the way anxiety disorders work is funny like that lol. What if I did stop writing fic and hanging out in pirate spaces? That would hurt much more than a show I like disappointing me. And for anyone who’s having that experience with ofmd s2, I’m so very, very sorry. It sucks and that’s where my epiphany came from on Wednesday before the finale.

Because it has happened to me before.

I flit from hyperfocus to hyperfocus, as ya do when you’re spicy, but the last thing to get its hooks in me PROPERLY like pirates was Steven Universe. And I did NOT like the way the regular season ended!!! (I actually really did like most of Future; that’s not what I mean. I mean season 5). I don’t like how they handled the Diamonds, tldr; I think the scope of their villainy got too out of hand, and I was left grieving the thing that had meant enough to me I ran a fan convention for four years based around it.

Side note: imagine if I had channeled the hyperfocus of almost a million words of fanfiction into an American OFMD con instead. We could have made magic :( I did consult with Our Con Means Death though so I am at least a teeny tiny bit of that one!

I did not like the way Steven ended… but I do respect the story they were telling and think they told it well.

I’m still sad about it. Steven is still one of my most beloved, it will always be beautiful and great to me, but that experience did and does sully my memories. There is so, so, so, SO much more good than bad from being in that fandom, and I cherish it. And I hope, if you’re having this experience with OFMD right now, that you’ll find similar comfort.

But, like I said at the top, “it’s okay to not like something but that’s not the same thing as it being bad” has been belabored already by people better at writing about it than me. I just had the incredible privilege to remember my brush with lower case T trauma and having that experience in my last REALLY big deal fandom. That’s why I had been so extra anxious about being disappointed. Because it happened to me before. It helped so much to connect those two.

So the finale happens, and it’s actually about twelve hours of me going from “eh, rushed but fun, whole season was great” to “THIS MAYBE IS THE BEST SHOW OF ALL TIME, ACTUALLY!”

BECAUSE THIS SHOW MADE ME CRY OVER IZZY FUCKING HANDS!!!!

They literally told me this was the story they were telling this season. “Men can change” “The end of piracy” “Ed leaving Blackbeard behind (ish).”

As for me? I didn’t get an apology for the fish. Instead, I got “Sorry I was a dick.” “You weren’t a dick. Life’s a dick.”

Just… fuckity BAM. THREE FUCKING SENTENCES resolving that fight. Saying so much in so little.

In real life, should these two men have an actual conversation about this shit? Sure!!! But that’s not how OFMD tells its stories!

It works in symbolism. It works in vibes. It works in an hour’s worth of content into each half-hour episode, and for how much lamenting I have done about the pacing, I would prefer that 100x to having to stretch it out too much.

I have said since March 24, 2022 that OFMD wields anachronism as a weapon. First and foremost, it’s fucking funny, but in addition to that, it’s stating clearly: “This is a fantasy world. This is not real history. This show is about romance (and so much more than that), and the rest is just VIBES!!!”

Sometimes vibes can be historical accuracy. Sometimes vibes can be true emotional poignancy. Sometimes vibes can be Ed finding his sunken leathers in the sea, changing underwater somehow, and coming out of the ocean like the Birth of Fucking Venus, because water and rebirth and mermaids and shit is all very prominent this season. And ALSO, and this is very important! BECAUSE IT LOOKS FUCKING COOL!

I don’t want to do much real Izzy meta here. It’s been said by others, and better than me. But it was telegraphed and it was symbolic – he was the paragon of Traditional Piracy in season 1, for goodness’ sake, and Traditional Piracy is Toxic Masculinity, and he was a part of Blackbeard and Ed had to leave Blackbeard behind (yknow, ish), and he got this ABSOLUTLEY FUCKING LOVELY! storyline about appreciating what a (queer) community can do, and god fucking shit fucking dammit… most of all, best of all (for me), was Buttons landing on Izzy’s grave at the end. Men can change. And Izzy DID!!! He did it for Ed. For love. For community. I am puzzled by “it’s fucked up to use Izzy to further Ed’s storyline” because… this was Ed’s season, in the way that season 1 was Stede’s. And Ed cannot be removed from piracy as a whole (neither can Stede!) so to have this old, set in his ways, coded-queerphobic character blossom to the point he can give this gift to Ed and to piracy… idk man. I just find it so fucking beautiful.

It is okay not to like what they did. It’s okay!!! It’s okay, and it’s okay to mourn, and while it’s not okay to do [insert vile behavior here], it’s okay to carefully examine what you think is “bad writing” vs “what you would have preferred to happen” and give good-faith, textually-based criticism on that.

But I want to remind you over and over and over again, this show works on vibes. It tells its stories leaving many, many, many gaps. There are many things I would have liked to see, and y’know what? I would have told the Izzy story differently. I would have personally done it differently. But it’s not my show! It’s not my show, and I am humbled and delighted to remember that, and to appreciate Our Flag Means Death for what it is and not what it isn’t.

Other words have been written better than I could about the 18 months between seasons 1 and 2 and what that does to us as rabid fans with expectations of how things will go. Millions and millions and millions of words have been written about OFMD, fictional and non, and that is going to color our expectations and experience. We had built it up SO MUCH in our minds and along the way I think some of us forgot (INCLUDING ME!!!) that it is first and foremost about Vibes.

The vibes of Izzy’s death are about rebirth and forgiveness and leaving traditional piracy behind. And he got to die in Ed’s arms, knowing (HAPPILY!) that he had been wrong, and giving Ed the gift of letting him know he is loved, and being a part of something. We had a funeral but we also had a wedding. The only constant is change. Men, piracy, Blackbeard; it all changes. And Izzy found peace in that.

Before my last point, I want to @ myself on things I felt versus realizing in the end it is (I will say it until I’m blue in the face) about vibes.

· I was convinced they left Buttons’ transformation ambiguous because they wanted to leave room for it not having been real. NO!!! It is real, until they decided it isn’t. Magic in the OFMD universe? Fucking why not!!! IT’S SYMBOLIC!!! IT’S IMPORTANT TO ED’S STORYLINE AND THE CENTRAL THESES OF THE SHOW!

· I was unhappy, and still am a little, about the Polycule Situation, but now that I realize Oluwande is Zheng’s Stede… I am less so. The Zheng : Auntie :: Ed : Izzy vibes, btw? Fuckin immaculate.

· Obviously they touched on Stede/Ed’s “killing people trauma” but I’d reallyyyy like Stede to address it, and even though I think Ed’s is left on a very satisfying note, I’d like him to dip a bit more into it as well. But if they don’t, oh well! It’s not like they ignored it, they just didn’t have a Deep Dive like I Wanted Them To!

· They didn’t deal with Ed throwing Stede’s shit away. They just ignored it! Stede started to collect new trinkets, and I believe that was as much about giving the audience back the old feeling of the Revenge as it was anything important (not to say it wasn’t also important thematically!!!). Just like Ed going back to his leathers is both Extremely Important thematically and about putting Taika back in the leathers because that’s what Blackbeard should be wearing for the epic final scenes for the sake of visually keeping the show consistent. That’s Blackbeard’s uniform.

· Stede’s frilly little outfits my beloved. God I hope they give him back some of his frippery in season 3. I think they will re: cursed suit BUT his journey this season was about something else, so!

· Ed’s stupid little non-profit non-apology, oh my god. It was so funny. And there is a transition from eps 5 to 6 where Ed is back in his leathers and the crew is more comfortable around him. They didn’t have to have him do a Real Apology, it’s implied it was all settled. What was the timeline? A day? DOESN’T MATTER, BABY, VIBES!!!

· Lots more, I’m sure, but now that I’ve tried to let it all go, I’m remembering less of what I wanted and appreciating what I got!

And, last point here, I think it is also very very very important to remember that a lot of people are normal about this show. In fact, WAY more people are normal about this show than aren’t. And that is EXTREMELY! IMPORTANT!!! because otherwise it wouldn’t be profitable and we all know what would happen then. We are the core of it, to be sure. Without word of mouth that stems from our intensity, this show would not be NEARLY as successful as it is. I truly, truly believe that.

But.

Do normies need deeply emotional discussions dissecting the central relationships? No. What normies need is Ed and Stede running dramatically toward each other on the beach and kissing. And I am happy, so fucking happy, to realize that’s what I need too. I’ve got fanworks for the rest.

I love this fucking show and this fucking fandom and its fucking creators so much. Fuck.

#our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd s2 #ofmd season 2

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fandom-discussions-with-avery · 7 months

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Huntl0w isn't good and that's why

A general compilation of all the problems that do not allow me to treat Huntl0w at least neutrally:

1. Distortion of characters. Do you remember Hunter from the beginning of season 2? And that's it, he is no longer with you. Now he is not a soldier who has been training all his life, he is a cute awkward blushing boy who can't do anything without his boss girlfriend. And do you remember Willow, a kind soul who uses her powers only against enemies? Forget, she'll drive a new acquaintance into the ground and won't let him go. They are trying to forcibly fit them into the girlboss x malewife dynamic, and for this they have to change their characters.

2. Lack of chemistry. The same problem as Lumity: all romantic interactions are embarrassments and red cheeks. But if the girls had a Grom dance and more time together, then Huntl0w has nothing.

3. Willow's attitude. She treats him the same way she treats all her other friends right up to the moment when he saved her with the help of the power of the Flapjack. I'm sure the writers didn't do it on purpose, but it turned out that way - Willow fell in love with Hunter only after he stopped being magically disabled. Or in gratitude for the rescue. One is no better than the other.

4. Hunter's awkwardness. The guy has known her for the fourth year, three of which they are clearly together, but still confused as the first time. He's obviously uncomfortable with her. But who is he comfortable with? With Luz and Gus! It is with Luz that he shares secrets, she understands him like no one else. With Gus, Hunter found the best common language, common interests, and in general they are on the same wavelength. Willow and Hunter don't have either. They were able to prescribe normal interaction with everyone except the love interest, and it's so fucked up.

5. The uselessness for the plot. They don't bring anything, even the very parallel with Caleb and Evelyn is ignored. It feels like they got together just to "pair every character" (except for Gus, of course, Gus is our black best friend, he doesn't deserve our attention).

6. Willow is Hunter's authority figure. There is nothing wrong with the fact that a girl can be a leader in a relationship. But when a guy just starts separating from his uncle, whom he considered an authority all his life, and immediately falls in love with a girl who commands him... This is a very bad parallel. Hunter just changed his boss. TOH is not so deep to develop this topic, and it don’t have enough time, so this is definitely a minus for them.

7. Lack of development. Yes, the series was cut. And now you say that this justifies everything. And I will say that it only makes it worse. Already knowing that the series would be shortened, Dana and co pushed a new love line, which "developed" behind the scenes, did nothing for the plot, but spoiled the characters' characters (as if Amity alone was not enough for us).

8. Hunter is the second Caleb. Yes, Hunter's arc has come to the same place where it began. This applies to a lesser extent to Huntlow, it is rather a sin of the plot itself, but in total with the rest of the problems it becomes no less infuriating.

In conclusion, I can say that this ship is definitely not problematic, it's just bad. No one is forbidden to love them, but they should understend why people may not like Huntl0w.

Maybe I'll write the same thing with Lumity, but I'm not sure.

#toh critical #toh salt #anti huntlow #huntl0w negative #hunter toh #willow park

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probablyhuntersmom · 1 year

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Therapist Analysis of Hunter's Mental Health in For the Future

Ok, getting down to business and writing this meta at last..(delayed thanks to physical health issues that manifested)..

Throughout most of the ep, leading up to the climactic scenes, we see a new kind of manner in which Hunter is responding to psychological pain, drastically different from what we got used to seeing:

I don't think we've seen him this irritable ever before. There is 99% no recoiling, retreating or shrinking back in his body language except here:

Instead, we see him marching forward, almost like how an animal makes itself look bigger to scare others off, with a singled-minded laser-like focus. But he is in deep anguish.

In addition, he maintains physical distance, unlike his usual self who would want to check on everyone and make a physical effort to feel like he is part of the group. His own mind is more than enough of a rollercoaster to handle in the wake of bereavement, which is why he's keeping the others at arm's length to not be overwhelmed:

(..sorry, I miss the chicken onesie and obviously want to upload 30 pics of him in this post too lol)

The fear of Belos himself, has become more like a fear of feeling the emotional pain caused by Belos, if that makes sense. Stopping Belos is all that matters to him now because his new greatest fear is the pain of bereavement related to losing Flapjack, and that it would be in vain.

It's a crazy massive shift in what he's most afraid of.

He has a strong sense of urgency but it's a world away from how he wanted his thoughts to be as far away from Belos as possible, back in Labyrinth Runners. Instead, Belos is now occupying pretty much every thought he has:

and jfc, I felt so sad seeing this shift: because it reminded me how trauma and its aftermath can take you further away from your real self, in more than one way or direction.

Instead of being numb (a necessity for his mind to protect itself and for him to survive, while he hid from the Emperor's Coven search party back then), it's more a rawness that's present in his emotions in this episode.

Different kinds of pain/fear require different means to be suppressed or numbed out.

He won't allow himself to go to that place of being directly in touch with that raw pain, or else he cannot accomplish the goal of stopping Belos. Anger is after all a secondary emotion, usually protecting emotions like sadness. Clients often choose to come to therapy once they sense they need guidance to go to this painful emotional place, if they can't do it on their own. It's having to remove the band-aid, see what's there (which can be scary and quite unpleasant) and clean out the wound with care.

Hunter needs to maintain this armored state of mind in order to not fall apart (he already did this to a lesser extent when he cried right after Flapjack faded away: that wasn't a long cry, and he didn't even sob), and to subconsciously minimize the chance of going through what's called emotional flooding. He gets close at times to being overwhelmed by flooding, but never gets totally reeled into it, unlike the scenes where he darted out of Eda's house (Hollow Mind) or became trapped and curled up in the first panic attack he had in Labyrinth Runners.

If you notice, him shielding himself psychologically in For the Future like this means he automatically resists moments of emotionally connecting with anyone, subconsciously seeing this as a threat. A very notable example of this can be seen in how he reacts to Clover and Emmi here:

Because emotional connection with any of his loved ones might make him unprepared for a face-off with Belos that could happen literally any second. These quick mental calculations could all be happening in his head subconsciously, while he is reacting and being on edge like this, with a lot of adrenaline putting him in this mode.

However, it's important to note that he isn't completely consumed by this grief response, and his heart was definitely not completely hardened, because other familiar sides of him can be observed e.g. looking out for others:

He makes an effort to be as patient as he can, giving Luz and the others quite a bit of space to lead, though he can't hide the rawness from appearing on his face. It's telling how he has never been an aggressive, pushy personality, and he only veered in that direction in S2A out of fear that he would not please Belos (there was the risk of him literally being cast out and abandoned by his former 'caregiver').

Below is the part of the ep where the tone shifts, after the others call attention to his emotional needs (having love expressed to him, being noticed, etc):

and it's the part of him that we already knew existed, the deepest part that wants someone to reach out and connect with him:

It's a core part that never vanished:

but was just buried down beneath his anguish.

I believe he no longer put up resistance using his emotional armor because he realized deep down that this need to receive love/care was just as important as getting justice for Flapjack, if not more. His support network was going to help him get justice and he had to lean into that and trust in that. He must've realized that both those needs for love and justice are not mutually exclusive.

Anyhow..after Willow, Gus and Luz reach out to him lovingly, while Amity and Camila are also giving him their quiet attention, we can already observe his expression softening. When Willow and Gus leave the room, he runs out of the room after them, calling out their names:

and this easily segways into his heart softening, and the walls beginning to come down in a healthy environment (the trusted good company of his friends):

These were such good signs that not only was he thawing out: he could also begin to hold (and express) multiple emotions at once, instead of letting only one of them (the raw hardened anger) hijack his mental state. He could hold the raw grief, feeling love for Willow and Gus, yet still maintaining the desire to go after Belos which is a mix of fear and anger. His emotions weren't so rigidly all-or-nothing as a result.

I'd like to also note that he likely felt safe enough to express his tears after Willow revealed how she felt about herself. It strongly aligned with his values to minister to her pain: and while he did that, some of his own anguish could be healthily expressed instead of stuffed down in the dark where it would be feared.

Interestingly I find that scene similar to one case I handled whereby my client took a long time to dare to speak about her own pain, which could only happen after we spent a few sessions discussing fictional characters that she resonated with. Other clients do this by preferring metaphors rather than directly referencing themselves, what happened to them, and their pain.

References outside of the client themselves, that have similar enough struggles to the client's own struggles, can provide the safety of detachment and distance for the client to explore their own issues. This detachment is a gap that a therapist should work on closing over time, at a pace that the client is comfy with, until the client feels safe to reference themselves and experience their own darkness without getting overwhelmed.

Basically, Hunter connecting with Willow's pain could've been what allowed him to feel the scary emotions that he'd been avoiding in all the scenes prior to Willow showing him the photo of him and Flapjack. Feeling any form of love would also mean feeling grief he was carrying.

Sometimes in trauma, our emotions and cognitions flip like a switch quickly in a black-and-white sort of fashion, which may be useful if things are life-or-death, but may cause issues once any real dangers have passed (though if S3 hadn't been shortened, I wonder how differently this part of his arc would've played out).

What's interesting is we never quite see any contending or an active struggle between 1. the part of him that wants (and rightfully needs) to receive love/care, and 2. the angry part of him that wants justice, that wants to track down Belos so badly after the loss of Flapjack. It's more like one eased into the other, and I believe both parts can coexist, and it's a balance that he should be able to strike while remaining stable in the next episode. Balance like that is an indication of improved mental health: being able to hold multiple emotions in your mind at once and remaining relatively calm, instead of one or maybe two difficult and unpleasant emotions hijacking everything.

It makes sense that the group gave him his space throughout most of the ep, instinctively sensing that they should be nearby in case he asked for support, but not being too close because he would be in more undesired and unnecessary pain. E.g. if Camila had asked him what he asked Willow ("Willow, hold on. How are you feeling?"), early on in the ep, he probably would've brushed it off by minimizing his pain with a "I'm fine", to politely decline anything she'd do to extend support and care. Maybe he wouldn't have been ready. Only once he saw Willow in a lot of her own anguish did he feel ready to truly connect.

It's a big contrast..how afraid he was back then about the others finding out he's a grimwalker:

versus his response when Gus brings it up at last.

Hunter is so tired by this point, too preoccupied with the major life change he's experiencing, that he doesn't even look fazed. It helped that Willow had just told him "you're one of us now".

Plus I strongly believe there was already underlying healing that made him capable to handling the grimwalker reveal and any ambush by Belos. One indication is this body language comparison here:

where the 2nd one shows that he still leans forward, instead of pulling back like in the first one.

By the end of For the Future, more emotional balance has been restored in him, and it began when Willow took the risk to show him the old flyer derby photo and use it as a conversation starter.

That's a wrap for today's episode of Holy Titan I Love This Kid So Much That I Might Die.

#toh hunter #the owl house #toh analysis #for the future #emperor belos #loz writes a meta #long post #for the future analysis

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greenbergsays · 7 months

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Still re-watching Leverage: Redemption and I've finally figured out why I don't like Eliot and Maria (the US marshal) as a couple

It took me a while but I can finally articulate it

Putting aside the fact they don't bother to build the relationship like they did with Parker & Hardison and Nate & Sophie, so it feels very rushed in a way that's jarring, Eliot and Maria are just too alike

The whole reason Parker and Hardison (and to a lesser extent, Nate & Sophie) are such great couples is because they aren't alike but they're different in ways that complement each other

The show keeps trynna pair Eliot with people that are too much like him, 'cause they seem to think that in order to be with him, the person he loves is supposed to be the same kind of badass

But there's more than one way to be a badass, honestly, and if you ask me, what Eliot needs is someone who will take care of him the way he takes care of everyone else, but also someone who's a little bit silly because Eliot doesn't know how to relax

this aspect is why Eliot/Parker/Hardison works so well, too, because their antics complement his seriousness so well

Honestly, if I were going to craft a character to be Eliot's other half, they'd be more like Breanna except, you know, not a lesbian and aged up but with Parker's bloodthirst, because obviously anyone who's a match for Eliot should definitely think murder is an option

And the fact that they do think murder is an option would endear them to Parker, which would be the biggest hurdle in the team

I've given this a lot of thought, apparently

#leverage #leverage: redemption #eliot spencer #me @ the leverage writers: hit me up I can craft an eliot romance #my emotional support badass deserves better than what you're giving him #actually now that I think about it #i could also make an argument for a character similar to sophie being a good fit too

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throwaway-yandere · 1 year

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Wound Dressings (Yandere Idol!Xiao/Reader)

a/n: happy lantern rite, everyone!!! here's xiao, hope anyone that wants to pull for him gets him <3 (CW: yandere, implied ptsd, mild violence, scaramouche is fricking foul as hell.)

unreliable synopsis: As the producer of 5wirl's beloved rapper, you found yourself stuck between Xiao and the nefarious fashion stylist/designer- Scaramouche-'s wars.

Alice's note: Producer Starlight, we need to talk. Right now. The CEO is waiting.

Yandere Idol Match-Up Masterlist

------

“Xiao, your face, it's burnt–��

“Don’t.” Xiao huffed. “Don’t come any closer. I’m fine.”

Anyone can tell 5wirl's rapper has a hard time getting close to people and you find that rather tragic. It’s a shame that Xiao chose to be distant when you find his rap music enthralling like no other, and you can tell he pours his soul into each lyric he writes. He sings desperately as though it's his last strip of breath left with voice cracks so raw and heartbreaking. While Venti sounds theatrical and clear, his will always be raspy and hauntingly unique. Every project he’s involved with sheds light on his authenticity, and you yearned for an opportunity to have him talk to you just as honestly.

However, you paid more heed to his need for emotional distance, not wanting to be nosy in this instance. You concentrated on advancing his career without meddling in his personal affairs, staying strictly business. It was not your place to know more and be some uneducated therapist.

At least, you had faith that you could maintain that belief until you noticed his sloppy bandaged cheek. Xiao stumbled forward, his hair untidy. You clenched your jaw. You grasped for his arm, feeling somewhat enraged. Instead of reacting, he simply awaited your inevitable worry.

“Who did this to you, Xiao?” You whispered angrily.

“A firework accident,” Xiao grunted. “My cousin can vouch for me. Yesterday’s lantern rite. Do not worry about me.”

“Is that so…”

You can’t muster the courage to question ADDICKTZ's Mister Zhongli, and that’s precisely why you know Xiao’s hiding a secret. Lying between his molars was not something he could do without a hitch.

Especially not to someone as observant as you.

“Does this have something to do with the stylist?”

While you technically shouldn’t risk your neck for a theory…

… It's better to route the problem immediately.

Xiao shamelessly ignored your question. In any case, you already knew the answer. This was just for confirmation’s sake. He would have stayed as stoic as always had you two been in a space that was any less secluded than the backrooms. No fan was aware of how much Xiao detested 5wirl's main stylist because none of his musings were made public.

Scaramouche, “The Wanderer.”

He’s a big name with a larger-than-life ego. Giving credit where it is due, Scaramouche is a fantastic model, but a patient stylist? He was not. He has an incurable habit of pushing everyone’s buttons that it's almost impressive. You've seen the way he yanked and pulled 5wirl like ragdolls, the only exception was Kazuha and Venti, but the latter to a lesser extent.

To no one’s surprise, Xiao does not like him.

Just a week ago, you've watched him perform “Fallen Leaves” uncomfortably on a Mondstadt Television (MTV) award show. An untrained eye is unlikely to notice how little footwork he displayed considering his constricted jeans. After the song ended, Xiao irritably loosened his belt and rolled his eyes. He didn't bow like the rest of 5wirl, instead, he left immediately without a word— that was something the fans certainly did not miss. To the common stan, it was "hot", to the wiser folks, it was a sign that something was amiss.

—

“He did it on purpose. The Wanderer wanted to prove a point,” these were the only words Xiao told you with bated breaths as he wrenched the buttons off his suffocating attire, popping and dropping them to the ground. He has little consideration for who might enter his room— not when he couldn’t breathe— not when he trusts that you’ll guard the door.

Once his chest was out and he could inhale with ease, a small smile was sighted adorning his face. He favored you with a victorious grin.

“And he failed.”

You’ve known that whenever he’s down, he tends to focus more on his skills. Thus you mistakenly thought this was just a matter of work. You didn’t realize at the time that he was fighting for something else.

It was a gorgeous smile. A rare eye candy enticing enough to make you wish he considered you a companion. But the frown that followed as you heard Scaramouche screeching outside erased whatever joy you felt as you stumbled to lock the door.

You scowled.

“Did he really fail when he still has you wrapped around his fingers?”

Xiao didn't answer. Instead, he pried your hand off and unlocked the door.

“As long as it’s not you, it doesn’t matter how far he takes his tantrums.”

—

You believe otherwise.

That incident stirred a cold war between Xiao and 5wirl’s lead stylist. Scaramouche used to just pepper vulgar phrases but now it appears in every other sentence. None of the fans knew thanks to the AKASHA Device Policy System of disabling screenshots on employee devices. What happens in Teyvat Productions, stays in Teyvat Productions. Scaramouche would have been fired from the company with a hollow public apology from the CEO if they had known even a glimpse of the snark he spews at every 5wirl employee.

”Did he do this?”

You cupped his cheek. Xiao didn't wince from the pain. It's all due to his extended Military Service training, you're sure of it. Thankfully, it doesn't look too bad. Curable, most definitely, but it doesn't change the fact someone attempted to hurt your employer.

“It’s… This is my burden to carry. It has nothing to do with you—”

“But I’m here for you, Xiao. You know I have a strong sixth sense, and something is wrong. You can tell me anything.”

Xiao leaned onto your palm, putting a hand above yours. He felt his chest tighten, but his face did not mark his anguish.

He may not show it visibly, but your touch broke him. On the souls of all his friends and the lives of his family, he can swear with every fiber of his being that this is as honest as he could be.

“He doesn't understand that I lost everything.” He did not look at you, but his sudden grip begged you to stay.

“–that I felt EVERYTHING.”

You stiffened, your spine shook at how concise but oddly oppressive those words were. His words were nothing to write home about, but the way his husky voice and slight growl loomed after a moment of silence was unforgettable.

Instinctively, you knew what this was about.

Bosacius.

You didn't want to pry so you knew little about him other than he accidentally died when he and Xiao were reservists. There is a mandatory Liyue and Inazuman law that stipulates that men must serve their country for about a year or two, no idol is exempted from that. According to speculations and a few hints in the lyrics Xiao composed, the idol likely watched his friend cover up a faulty grenade to save everyone in the vicinity. You did attempt to console him once, but Xiao is adamant that such comments would be an insult to Bosacius' Heroics. He “accepted” his death long before you became his producer. His soul is likely in a better place.

See where this is headed? It's not rocket science. Put “Scaramouche” and “fireworks” together and you’d get something foul. That damn multi-talented designer did something and now Xiao’s uncharacteristically more emotive.

Scaramouche likely used fireworks to reignite Xiao’s trauma.

Perhaps this line of thinking is uncouth, but this would serve as a great opening to finally get to know the person you work for on a deeper level. But for Scaramouche to unearth those memories for the sake of arguing… What a petty man.

“He wanted to “share” something that’s mine to protect,” Xiao muttered. "He insisted that giving them up to him will be a way to absolve my sins. But… I…”

He grunted.

“I don’t want to share them.” Xiao sneered. "Having them around is the last joy I have."

You feel as though the thing or person they’re fighting over is someone related to 5wirl, but you were too tired to listen to your muted intuition.

“Who is “them”?” You asked. “Would you be willing to tell me?”

He shook his head.

“I… can’t.”

“I see, that’s okay. It takes time to open up— Xiao?”

Xiao remained silent. He quickly seized the water bottle you were holding and chugged it down. As Xiao drank, you both moved in the direction of the fans while giving him your famous mask to cover the burn. His followers don't need to be aware of this.

But damn it. You’re tired of this back-and-forth pettiness.

You’ll have to step in.

——

However, your colleagues do not favor that idea.

“Are you certain you wanna approach him?” Venti’s producer frowned. “Knowing Scaramouche’s past… instability, I’m not sure if that’s the brightest idea you’ve come up with.”

It usually takes a long time for you to naturally get close to others but after careful observation, you've deduced that none of your fellow producers were unsavory people. In truth, they were simple to read, particularly Venti and Heizou's producers. As a result, you already knew this was going to happen; you just want to let them know out of respect.

“We never know unless we try,” Heizou’s producer spoke up, somewhat optimistic but with a twinge of demur. “You’re too depressed. Who knows? Maybe you can persuade him to stop. You’re Scara’s favorite, after all.”

Favorite is a bit of a stretch, but that man does tolerate your presence.

Kazuha’s producer chortled, “that kind of hypothetical is next to impossible.”

Heizou’s producer hummed the bridge to 5wirl’s song “Sweet Dream.” You knew your coworker didn't want to prove them right, but the lyrics to that song referred to failed plans– and that's enough information for you to infer that even they think deep down that the idea was stupid.

You closed your eyes. It truly wasn't your best plan— it's straight up walking to the lion’s den, but you have to try….

“… (Y/n)? Hello?”

You blinked. Ah, you've zoned out again.

“It's better than nothing,” you said. “I can't just let everyone here be constantly berated by that narcissist.”

“Even his assistant can be a pain in the neck too, you know?” Venti’s producer chimed in. “Ya better hope you're not dealing with both of them once you get there. You might start a house fire or something.”

There's no point in this conversation. Sighing, you reached for your bag, ready to leave.

“Hmm? Now, where are you going, my ge qin'ai de?”

Baizhu— 5wirl’s creative director— stood, leaning by the door frame. Based on his lax demeanor, you assumed he had just recently taken his medicine. The rest of the producers laughed awkwardly, not knowing whether they should let him in on your plans or not. He usually accepts all forms of communion, no matter how chaotic or personal it is. But this instance urged everyone that omitting some truths was the best option.

“(Y/n)’s on their way to buy some fabric,” Venti’s producer lied. “Scaramouche had been such a pain in the neck lately so, eh, we decided to be more proactive to avoid his stupid wrath.”

“Ahhh, I see! How lovely.” Baizhu laughed, but just as you were about to walk past him, he weakly grasped your arm.

"Far be it from me to pry into my producers’ personal affairs, but once you get there,” he bent down and whispered to your ear.

“Tell that charlatan and his assistant that this will be the last time they hurt one of my kids, understood?”

As you looked up at the creative director's snake eyes, a chill went up your spine. He didn't express it as a threat; rather, he said it as a certain truth. It seemed as though Director Baizhu was determined that this was Scaramouche's final transgression. You made a mental note of that.

Director Baizhu must’ve known something that you didn't.

“Yes, Director.”

“Wonderful,” Baizhu smiled, but his gaze looked distant.

“Be sure to buy wound dressings along the way.”

——

“No way. Nu-uh.”

“Please, I seriously need to talk to him—”

“Do you wanna get stabbed? Just trust me, bro, he doesn’t want to see anyone right now. He’s too busy dressing up that haunted doll of his.” Scaramouche’s assistant trembled burlesquely, putting more pressure on the door that separates you two. “Like, he’s so unhinged right now that– high-key? Working at KFC ain't sounding so bad.”

His assistant sighed, rolling their eyes. They appeared different compared to when you last saw them. Their hair’s significantly shorter and their fingers are red from sewing– and if your eyes weren't fooling you, they're a bit burnt…?

You squinted.

“Those marks… He overworked you last night, right? Forced you to use lighters to cut threads over scissors, didn’t he?”

They glared. Struck a nerve there.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Maybe I am just reaching for straws here–” you admitted rather plainly. “But that doesn't change the fact that you don't like your boss, and I don't like him enough that I drove all the way to confront him. What say you to letting me give him a piece of my mind?”

That seemed to work. At least, for a second.

“No… No, I seriously can't.” His assistant shook their head, with more conviction this time. “I don't want a repeat of last time.”

“(Y/n), you’re here as well.”

You both turned to look behind you.

A man wearing a mask and sunglasses— clearly Xiao— stood just a breath away from touching your shoulder. You jolted.

How didn’t you notice that he was right behind you?

“Oh, he’s here too…” the assistant said. They didn’t sound particularly hostile when addressing Xiao. “Sir, you can’t just enter if it isn't urgent.”

“But it is urgent,” You lied. “Just let us in or at least have me go inside alone—”

Xiao gently squeezed your shoulder. The mulish look in his visage beckoned you that he didn't like that idea. You didn’t have time to question what he’s doing here. His opaque stubbornness made you completely forget that he was holding you longer than he usually does.

Time and time again, he’ll remind you that he didn’t want you near Scaramouche.

“Oh my God— bitch. How many times do I have to fucking— HE'S NOT ENTERTAINING GUESTS.” The assistant growled. “Please, just listen to me. I'm honestly saving you both the trouble of talking to that edgelord.”

“Please, this seriously wouldn't take long–”

“Are you deaf or just stupid? What part of not entertaining guests did you not understand?”

Speak of the devil.

The pretentious prick arrived– him and his damn ostentatiously designed hat. He shared your gaze immediately and you swore his face lit up. It was as if he was waiting for you for quite some time now, but you’re not confident in that hunch.

“Ah, it's you.”

You cleared your throat. “Good evening, sir Wanderer–”

He smirked.

“Long time no see, starlight,” Scaramouche said. “Your dog here sure kept dragging us apart from each other.”

Xiao raised an eyebrow. It was the first time he had heard someone call you by that nickname, and while it doesn’t show in his features, he was rather unnerved at how you casually let him call you by such an endearing nickname.

This only matters because Scaramouche rarely addresses anyone beneath him with respect, much less affection.

Xiao glared at him.

Scaramouche continued, “here to give me an answer?”

“No.” You didn't waste a second. “The answer is no. I don't want to be your model.”

Xiao’s eyes widened. He immediately shielded you, but Scara merely tilted his head to maintain his gaze.

“Model?” Xiao spat coldly. “So that’s the card you're playing, Kunikuzushi.”

Scaramouche’s grin widened, “move your head away, insect.”

He doesn’t deserve to see you.

Without much thought, you bit your lip. You weren’t expecting much of a reaction if you told Xiao that Scaramouche wanted to hire you before. He tried scouting you months before he started harassing Xiao. Telling him about it slipped past your mind.

Scaramouche frowned, his eyes gauging his assistant’s reaction, “still, what a shame… With your face, you would've been a fine addition to my runway, Mx. (Y/n).”

“… Huh, so you do know my name.”

“Course I do. Xiao follows anyone who says (Y/n) around like a damn shit-for-brains dog. I’m not stupid enough to miss his owner’s name.”

Xiao made a sound you couldn't quite describe. It bordered on both a whimper and a threat.

You scrunched at the title, “that’s not true.”

“Then that only speaks volumes to how good of a stalker he is,” He clapped. "Bravo, I'm impressed. For once."

Scaramouche scoffed yet there was a genuine smile on his face. Swiftly, he approached you and had his assistant not held Xiao back, the famous designer wouldn’t have had the opportunity to grab your hand and gently kiss it out of nowhere.

You felt absolutely nothing from this gesture. Instead, you unconsciously fixed your eyes on Xiao.

And he’s most certainly pissed.

“You deserve to be working for me instead, puppet,” he muttered. “Honestly, I can’t see why you’re working for him— he's barely aesthetically pleasing. A lower-rate beauty. Do you even give a damn about your skin-care routine, worm? You look like shit. Go back to the fucking military. Muscles are required there, but looks? Not expected.”

Out of the blue, the designer gently cupped your face– your faces now an inch apart as he fixes stray strands of your hair. Strangely enough, you can't feel his breath. His face may be close, but his attention did not belong to you. You can tell from a mile away you’re being used.

As to what you’re being used for? You can’t tell.

Suddenly, Scaramouche’s assistant cleared their throat.

“Hey starlight, can you come outside with me for a sec?” They said.

The assistant held up their phone. You heard Xiao shakily exhale as you pulled away from the stylist.

“Director Baizhu’s calling.”

—-

“Director? Is something the matter?”

“Ah yes, did you buy the wound dressings?”

You did your best to hide your scoff.

Seriously, right now?

“Yes, right now.”

Oh. You didn’t mean to say that out loud.

Scaramouche’s assistant— whom you were borrowing a phone from— laughed softly, bemused. They led you to The Wanderer’s garden for some “privacy”, and yet their ears seemed cleaner than most. You didn’t mind them listening to some "tea." It’s better than being alone in unfamiliar territory.

“Trust me, dear. You’ll need it later.” Baizhu’s laughter echoed.

…

“What do you mean by that, sir?”

“Answer me first, did you buy some?”

“No.”

“Poor choice. You’ll never know when there’s an emergency that calls for it.”

Your eyebrows furrowed.

Something is off.

Baizhu sighed, “nevermind. So, how was your shopping trip? What fabric have you brought, send me the hex code.”

“Sir.”

“Yes, qin'ai de?”

“You called because you wanted to distract me, didn’t you?”

…

You were hoping that you wouldn’t hear his laughter from the other line.

“Oh, Xiao. I’ve tried.”

Slowly, you hung up and lowered the phone down to your thigh.

No… It can’t be.

You started sprinting back to where you came from.

“H-Hey, wait! You still have my phone!—”

You need to go.

NOW.

You already knew what was happening, but at that moment you slipped out a prayer to any Archon that might listen.

Please… Please don’t be right…

—-

… But then again, when has your sixth sense ever failed you?

Xiao’s stony expression crumbled and his more livid countenance shone through. You were too far to cinch his right arm from throwing a punch in the designer’s direction–

But he managed to surprise you by using his left fist instead.

“You will sooner die than lay a hand on them— not even their fucking hair.”

“Y-You—!!!”

Scaramouche was already littered with bruises when you got there, his hanfu torn and his hate discarded and stomped on with abandon.

You trembled at the sight, knees nearly buckling down.

You were too late.

They both appeared unaware of your ghostly presence behind. In a single fast motion, you witnessed your beloved idol punch Scaramouche in the ribs. You winced as a crack reverberated throughout the room before Scaramouche inhaled sharply. The thing that most alarmed you, though, was the sound of Xiao's curt yet stern chuckle, which was a dead giveaway that he wasn't going to stop until the designer was rendered immobilized. Scaramouche made an effort to stand up from the ground using his fist as support, but Xiao quickly grabbed him by the collar like a mother cat would a difficult child.

“Weak,” Xiao spoke. “Why did you even dare to provoke me when you can barely defend yourself? You’re not worthy of calling (Y/n) by any other name.”

“Y-You fucking jealous dumbass. Your career is over once I’m through with you!” Scaramouche coughed up, blood spitting out from his mouth and onto Xiao’s clenched hand. “You fucking worm— I could just release the CCTV recordings and—”

“You won’t be able to retrieve any recordings,” Xiao said in an as-a-matter-of-fact tone.

He dropped Scaramouche and knelt to his level.

You wanted to scream. You wanted to beg Xiao to stop.

But you can’t recognize him, and the words died in your throat.

“You won’t find a single clip.”

Scaramouche’s face softened into a look of dismissive defeat. However, his stony yet smug expression resurfaced.

“Ah, so Tighnari’s in on this too,” Scaramouche laughed, slowly devolving into a mildly hysterical fit. “Of course, of course! You already have Baizhu’s go signal so it’s not surprising you got that genius’ approval too. Only natural that a weak person like you have so many accomplices to back up your obsession—”

“And you?”

“H-hah. And what?”

Xiao dragged him closer.

“Where are YOUR friends, Kunikuzushi?”

…

Xiao breathed in, closing his eyes.

“I am not like you. I am not an easy target simply because I often act alone.”

In a stroke of luck, Scaramouche turned his gaze away— and saw you at the door instead.

Positively mortified.

“D-Don’t—” Scaramouche coughed. “—talk big… H-Ha… Look behind you, insect.”

Once he did, Xiao stiffened.

No, no, no— why are you here?

… Why did you get back inside?

That wasn’t part of the plan— didn’t Baizhu call you?

“(Y-Y/n), I…”

You weren’t supposed to see this.

He took a step forward, you instinctively took two steps back. You cursed yourself internally for letting your fear get the best of you when you knew that despite Scaramouche’s broken nose and bloody lips, it was Xiao who needed your help the most.

His heart dropped.

“Producer, this is…”

His throat dried up.

Why is it so draining for him to open himself up to you?

“D-Did you see that, starlight?” Scaramouche droned. Even when he's losing blood, his silver tongue quips a retort.

“Did you see the monster you were working for?”

“Xiao” pivoted his heels, frowning even now as the mutilated man lost consciousness below him. You could barely recognize Scaramouche from all that blood. “Xiao” took a step closer to you. You couldn't move. Your feet were rooted to your spot.

Fortunately, he moved on auto-pilot, grabbing you by the arm and carefully swerving past Scaramouche’s assistant to head outside.

He didn’t give you a chance to ponder over Scaramouche’s words.

For a moment, neither of you said a thing as you stood at the front gate. It felt like an eternity before you mustered the courage to speak up.

“… You’re bleeding.”

Why aren't you comforting his hand? Please hold his hand gently. Please hold him.

Another voice screamed inside his head, one that sounded similar to Scaramouche.

Can't you see that expression on their face? That's fear. That's betrayal. The person you love thinks you're a monster, Xiao.

“... I bought some wound dressings. They’re inside my car.”

—

“Be sure to buy wound dressings along the way.”

—

Instead of feeling relief, you shivered at how convenient it was for him to keep some in his vehicle. Director Baizhu’s mind echoed in your head almost like an apparition.

In other words: this was premeditated.

And you don’t know what to make of that information.

“(Y/n).”

“Y-Yes?”

You zoned out that you didn’t realize you were already in front of “Xiao”’s car, still holding the assistant’s phone.

He squeezed your hand lightly.

“Don’t leave me.”

His voice cracked.

“Please.”

After a moment of brief silence, you gave him a hesitant frown.

… Your intuition tells you that no matter what you answer, the outcome won’t change.

You squeezed his hand back. If you didn’t, Archons know he would’ve fallen apart.

“I’m staying.”

In a sense, you think you finally understood Xiao better. It’s just as he said yesterday: he lost everything and he felt everything. This overprotective and downright possessive nature must’ve stemmed from what had happened when he was a reservist. He can’t bear to lose another person. While it may sound nice to know he does think of you as someone important, you wish you realized this about him sooner.

Xiao has a crush on you.

He smiled.

It was a gorgeous smile. A rare eye candy enticing enough to make you glad he considered you a companion.

… But why do you feel terrified?

“Thank you. Allow me to protect you from him— from anyone from now on. Just call out my name.”

You could only fake a laugh in response.

‘Xiao, what an awful liar you are. Lying between your molars was still not something you could do without a hitch.

So do not speak as if you haven't been doing that since the very beginning.’

ANSYTEA: Thank you for joining the 1k idol event, starlight anon!!!!

#tag: yan!1k idol event #yandere xiao x reader #yancore #yandere genshin impact x reader #yandere genshin x reader #yandere genshin imagines #tw yandere #yandere genshin #yandere genshin x you #genshin impact #xiao x reader #xiao x you #genshin impact xiao #yandere xiao #starlight anon

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forgeofthenine · 4 months

Note

Slightly more uncommon question I guess, so if you don't know how to answer it, feel free to just skip over it:

How much do you think is known about tieflings medically? I headcanon that most other races don't care about them, so while humans and elves and so on can all go to the same doctors and medics, tieflings have a much tougher time. Only tieflings will help tieflings, except for maybe some very minor stuff.

Not just because the others don't want to, but perhaps because nobody ever studied them or even thought they were worth studying. So all tieflings just know better than to ask a regular doctor for any help with horn or tail issues. Chances are, they'd just make it worse anyway.

Ooo I love getting to think about the implications of this sort of stuff, while this definitely isn't in the same vein as my usual requests I'm so into this and it deserves a bit of discussion I think

Medically, I feel like tieflings have a lot of traits that absolutely set them apart from all other races in Faerun. Between the horns, tails, eyes with black sceleras, vestigial wings, the bumps and ridges covering their bodies, and the fact I headcanon them to have heats and ruts, they just have a lot going on medically. Humans and elves definitely seem like they'd be the front runners in medicine and study, but I feel like they'd also disregard races like tieflings, dwarfs, and halflings and leave them all to their own devices.

Tieflings would absolutely have to try and find tiefling doctors to help with issues, though between the Elturel tieflings being exiled and there not being any tieflings of major standing I can think of in Baldurs Gate, I feel like finding a tiefling with that sort of education would be very hard with the current state of things. Any tief doctors would need to conduct their own research and experiments too, as any institutions that teach medicine wouldn't have knowledge on the treatment of tieflings.

Due to all this, and where most tieflings seem to stand socio-economically within Faerun, I feel like there's a big emphasis and importance of home remedies and treatments from clerics. Home remedies would often be shared between families and passed onto children so tieflings have a common knowledge for how to treat 'tiefling matters' like mending a cracked horn or dealing with a sprained tail. These remedies get changed and improved over time depending on effectiveness and where the tieflings might relocate to, some herbs and medicinal plants might be harder or impossible to find when tieflings shift across the sword coast.

Clerics, and to a lesser extent paladins and bards, would also hold importance in tiefling culture. Magic users aren't incredibly common but they are more common than a tiefling doctor, and most magic users know a healing spell or two. Being able to bypass some of the issues of their anatomies mystery by casting a healing spell is hugely important and much more accessible as a form of treatment.

I feel like even if a human or elf doctor could treat a tieflings broken ankle, there's such a huge distrust on the part of the tieflings (for very good reason) that they'd still try to treat issues themself instead. And honestly, most humans and elves unfortunately don't particularly care whether tieflings come to them or not. There are oddballs though, and you'll find the occasional human or elven doctor that does work to try and study tiefling anatomy, often you'll find they also end up with a tiefling for a lover.

I'd love to hear if anyone has anything extra they'd like to add, I always get some really great responses to headcanons like this about tiefling culture!

#bri answers #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 tiefling

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lightlycareless · 3 months

Note

I have a silly idea 🤭🤭 you don't have to write it if you don't want to. Ok so here's the idea:

Naoaki loves bringing food to y/n. One day, naoaki got special edition mochi from the store and decided to give it to y/n. But y/n refused and wanted to share it with him bc she just wants to show her gratitude to him.

The next day bam! They exchanged bodies. Naoaki is trapped inside y/n's body and y/n is trapped inside naoaki's body.

But before naoaki wants to meet y/n, naoya suddenly enters the room and acting lovey dovey which made naoaki want to puke 💀 (naoya didn't know about this whole body swapped thing bc he thought y/n, who is naoaki is joking) At the same time, naoaki can see the truth side of his younger brother being vulnerable which he didn't get to see before bc of their complicated relationship.

While y/n is sad bc whenever she wants to approach naoya, telling him about the body swapped. Naoya immediately glare and ignore her (bc he thought it was naoaki 😭😭) poor y/n

After a few hours, the effect is gone and y/n didn't know if she wants to tell naoya about this bc 1. Naoya might be frustrated that naoaki can see y/n's naked boy 2. Y/n can feel and touch naoaki's dick which will make naoya jealous.

Well this is just a silly idea. Hope u will like it 🫶🤭

Hello!! So good to see you again ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Thank you so much for this ask!!! I get so happy whenever I see (essentially) my oc's in my inbox 🥺❤️❤️❤️

Anyways, it took me a while, but here it is!! Also, I don't know what's up with me, like I read the asks and get the idea but then I end up taking some creative liberties??? Uhgggh :( But I still hope it's to your liking!!—it still has the same essence ehehe and I also had fun writing it + the little extras at the end :)

now onto the warnings: Naoaki is a victim here of course hahaha. outside of that, some mentions of nsfw activities 😏

Happy reading!

It was never explicitly stipulated, but there was a silent agreement that Naoaki was never to approach you, unless your husband, Naoya was present.

The reason behind it was simple: he didn’t like his relatives being around you. A statement you agreed to, to some extent, except for his siblings; for most of them had been rather amicable to you since your arrival.

Naohiko is perhaps the only one to not fit such description, solely because of his “brutally honest” personality, which was more often than not, just plain rude. But even then, he had his moments, particularly those where Hitomi would put a stop to his “offensive” tirade, and he’d be surprisingly… submissive to it—who would’ve guessed?

From there, Naofumi must be the calmest of the bunch, unfortunately, he’s the one you least see. It’s quite a shame, but understandable, for he was very shy and wasn’t very fond of socializing with others outside of his circle. But any time you get to talk to him he’s always very nice, and if you’re lucky enough, he even lets you taste a bit of his incredible skills as a cook!

The rest you’d see around the estate, sometimes—not that often. They also tended to keep to themselves, which you undoubtedly knew was work of Naoya’s merit.

It was upsetting to know that your husband didn’t want you to ponder more into this side of his personal side, as well as their seeming compliance to it…

But your sadness wouldn’t last long when you’d come to meet the oldest of his brothers, the one you were personally fondest of, and came to appreciate not only as an in-law, but as a friend: Naoaki.

Your time with him is often very limited, if not non-existent thanks to his demand as a sorcerer. However, it was still a bit lesser than your husband’s, so you got to see him more than Naoya.

And his visits were certainly ones you always looked forward to, for he’d always tell you in great detail all the exciting things he’d got to see on his missions, as well as bring you gifts from the places he was deployed to.

Not to diminish Naoya’s storytelling, you loved hearing about his work too, but rather… you preferred to do something a bit more intimate with him whenever you got the chance to see him again—before he leaves you again, returning God knows when…

Today was one of those days. One where Naoaki would come back after a tedious mission, intending to tell you all about it while bringing you a local sensation, coincidentally, your favorite: mochi.

“Oh, Naoaki—you didn’t have to!” You fret as he hands you the gift. And while your words conflicted with your true sentiments, wanting nothing but gobble them up as soon as possible, you didn’t want to be perceived as abusive.

“I know.” He says with a smile, taking down a seat next to you by the engawa. “But I couldn’t go there and not get you something. And not to brag, but they’re from the highest rated place there.”

“Gee, talk about pressure!” you chuckle. “Well, I just hope you didn’t spend that much on them.”

“Would it be too bad?” Naoaki asks.

“Only if they don’t taste good, I guess.” You jest, he laughs. “Thank you, Naoaki. You’re always too kind to me.”

“It’s my pleasure.”

“Would you like to try some?” you offer; but by the way Naoaki reacts, one would’ve thought you’d spoken the most outrageous idea.

“I can’t—I shouldn’t.” Naoaki responds, shaking his head. “They’re for you.”

“Ah, but it wouldn’t be nice of me for you to get something so popular and not let you try them—at least one, come on.” You say, urging him by opening the box and moving it near him. “A little bite?”

Your bright grin was the reason that eventually convinced Naoaki to accept your offer, hovering his hand over the box to pick the one he considered more appetizing, you do the same soon after.

“Cheers!” you say, subsequently moving the mochi to your lips and eating it whole in just one bite; swiftly relishing its chewy and sweet taste of your favorite filling—taro—with a smile that lets him know his gift was a total success, as usual.

Naoaki always tried his best to bring you gifts that were tasty if he couldn’t find your favorite as a bare minimum—and while some were better than others, you could never recall a moment you didn’t like what he got you.

But this… this had to be the tastiest one he’s ever given you.

No, you even dare to say, your whole life!

It was just so good you couldn’t stop at one, quickly reaching out to grab for another one and shoving it into your mouth, doing the same again, and again, and again, to the point where you finished the entire box! Except those that Naoaki grabbed, of course, for he too seemed to have fallen victim to its addicting flavor—and he didn’t even like sweets that much!

“Ah, that really hit the spot.” You’d groan, placing your hand over your stomach and contemplating the fact it’s been years since you’ve done something like this—as well as the coming repercussions. “But I think I just ruined my appetite.”

“Oh yeah, I think should’ve waited for after dinner.” Naoaki agrees, feeling the same way as you, if not a bit less, as he takes a deep breath—any hunger that he had coming back from the mission was swiftly replaced with sweets. Probably not the best decision to make, but he does not regret it, not one bit.

“That would’ve been a good idea.” You breathily chuckle through the discomfort of your full stomach.

“Maybe next time.” He suggests while looking at you. “I don’t usually eat sweets but I gotta say, these were pretty good—I’ll definitely buy more if I ever find myself on that area again.”

“I’ll pay you to bring me more.” You counter, enthusiasm making him chuckle. “I want Naoya to try some too.”

The way you fondly reminisce about your husband fills Naoaki with an unspoken sentiment that quickly erases the amusement out of his face, as well as prompting him to cut his visit short.

“I’ll be sure to bring more next time.” Is all that he says before standing up, your eyes darting at him immediately after, as if disappointed he’s already leaving—yet unsurprised. “Well, I’m glad they were to your liking. I would’ve loved to stay a bit longer, but I still have some things to do, like resting, since, you know, I just got back from a mission.”

“Oh, yes, of course.” You blink, remorseful for entertaining him more than necessary. “I didn’t mean to grab much of your time, but still, thank you so much for the mochi. You really didn’t have to.”

“Always my pleasure, Y/N.” he smiles before yawning—you could see it in his eyes now, he’s exhausted. Your regret grows a bit. “Well, see you around.”

“See you around.” You respond, waving him goodbye. A few seconds later, he disappears into the halls.

It’s not that you were avoiding it, but at his mention of “responsibilities” you end up feeling a bit… well, stressed; the aftermath of someone that had been procrastinating doing what they need to do in favor of literally anything else.

However, you don’t feel you should be judged too harshly. It’s tedious to work around the estate doing the same boring things… but you agreed to them because you wanted to support Naoya whenever you could, besides, you knew very well what you were getting into when you agreed to marry him.

But a nap sure does sound amazing right now…

Well, you’re already behind in some things, you were sure that a few more instances of delay wouldn’t do anyone harm, besides, Naoya is set to return later today or tomorrow, did anyone really expect you to care about that when your husband was coming back home?!

So, after cleaning up and throwing away the mochi box, you head to your shared room, quickly fixing the futon before laying down and resting your head against the pillow. You then yawn, eyes slowly begin to blink as you place a blanket over you—just what you needed for ultimate coziness.

As you close your eyes, the last thought that crosses your mind is the promise to get back to work as soon as you wake up, alongside the hope that when you wake up, your husband would finally be back in your arms…

The promise of a nap frequently entailed getting a well-deserved rest after a midday full of activities, recharge a bit before continuing with the routine, perhaps even make up for last night’s endeavors…

Or at least that’s what you expected to be graced with, instead of the notion that you’ve woken up feeling worse than when you laid down.

It almost felt as if you’d spent this whole time running instead of resting, alongside an alarming heaviness on your chest that just made you want to lay back onto the futon and not move for the rest of the day.

But of course, your drowsiness did not compare to the weight of your duties, alongside the burning curiosity to see if your husband had already returned home, eventually motivating you to push yourself up from the futon, yawning as you give your body one last stretch before heading out the door.

The first thing that you notice is how dark it is, anxiously wondering just how long you spent asleep, for this proved far different than just a quick nap —but that, of course, was nothing compared to your husband…

Luckily for you, the best way to figure out his whereabouts was by simply asking around; anyone among the staff members ought to know if the heir was back!

If it weren’t for the fact that whenever you spoke to them, they’d look back at you as if they’d seen a ghost: giving you short answers, none of them offering much help, before swiftly exiting your sight.

Although disappointed that no one seemed to know much of your husband, you were more skeptical, if not hurt, by their behavior towards you—so… vastly different from the warm and talkative way they often referred to you; it’s as if you’re back to being the newly arrived Y/N that didn’t particularly fit with the Zen’in (you still don’t, but it’s been an improvement since then.)

Well, there’s still one last person you can check on; the one that has always been amicable to you since your first day here!

Except for today, it seems.

“And why do you want to know that?” Mariya would respond with a look on her face that lets you know this was not one of her usual jests, nor intended to be taken as one.

It’s always the tone, after all, rather than what’s being said.

“Because… I mean… How do I even begin to explain that, Mariya?” you chuckle nervously. “We’re mar—"

“Well, I do; and you know what else I know? That you’d do good in leaving them alone.”

“Excuse me?” you frown, offended—she’s never spoken to you like this! What is going on?!

“Acting the fool doesn’t suit you, Naoaki. I know exactly what you’re plotting.” She says, and if you were already confused, now you’re dumbfounded. “The two are very happy right now, and they certainly don’t need any issues coming from you.”

“Mariya, I— I really don’t know what you’re talking about. Naoaki is not even here—"

“Is this a joke? Because it’s not funny.” She scoffs. “I suggest you leave before I do something I’ll regret.”

No. Of course not. This wasn’t meant to be a joke or anything of the sorts. You genuinely don’t understand what she’s talking about, literally referring to you as Naoaki and not yourself.

But then, the reaction of the staff, alongside Mariya’s… it couldn’t be pure coincidence. It… shouldn’t be.

So, you rushed towards the restroom, the nearest place you knew to have a mirror, to seek answers—effectively finding the the truth staring back at you, through the visage of someone you least expected, or perhaps wanted, which only gave their reactions a much-needed understanding.

The reason why they treated you differently, why Mariya openly refuted you… was because you were Naoaki.

Or more like in Naoaki’s body.

A statement that barely answered one of the many doubts that arose immediately after this revelation, further igniting you with anxiety as you scurried once more out of the restroom and towards your bedroom, with only one question in mind:

If you were in his body, then…

Who was in yours?

You’d always wondered what it would be like to see your body outside of a reflection or a picture, if you’d be able to recognize it at all since many theorized otherwise, or if you’d be in for a surprise…

Well, you could now describe with certainty what it felt like:

Eerie. Nothing short of frightening; To stare at yourself right in the eye, and yet, not recognize you, as if it were a completely different person.

But it’s not.

It’s you, with your eyes, your face, your body—there’s no denying that.

Yet, the question remains, who is the one staring at you?

“Y/N” You hear her say. And suddenly, it all made sense.

“Nao…aki?” you breathe as she begins to make her way towards you. “What happened? Why are you—what’s going on?”

“I don’t know, I just took a nap and woke up like this!” He frets, you immediately pinching his skin as if to check it wasn’t a dream, Naoaki twisting his lips out of fear.

“Careful Y/N, that’s still my body!”

“…This isn’t a dream, is it?” He presses his lips together before shaking his head. You cry. “No! This—this can’t be!! How did this even happen? Was it a curse? Did you get attacked by something before coming back?!”

“No, I wish it was, at least that way I could disperse the technique…”

“But you couldn’t… right?” You fearfully ask, he nods. “Ohh, what are we going to do Naoaki?? I can’t—we can’t stay like this forever! You have your things, I have mine, but most importantly, Naoya is going to come back anytime soon and he—”

“Ah, Y/N!” Suddenly, another presence joins in, with a familiar tone that immediately freezes the two on the spot, before slowly turning to their direction, screeching on the inside when seeing her. “…and Naoaki.”

“Ma—Mariya” you stammer, blood cold. “What—what are you doing here?”

“I’m here to talk with my lady.” Mariya responds with a frown. Right, to her, this was Naoaki questioning her—and they never got along. “If that isn’t too much to ask.”

“No, of course not.” You add, quickly glancing over to… you, Naoaki doing the same. His eyes said it all. “I…”

“In private.” Mariya adds.

“Can—can you give me a moment?” You say, now looking at Mariya. She immediately raises an eyebrow, skeptical, before giving you what is to be the second most shocking statement of the day.

“I think my lady would want to know that Naoya-sama is back” She says, and you do your best to not pass out that very moment.

“Wha—what?” You breathe. What you once desperately longed for, now couldn’t arrive at the worse timing!!

“Yes, your brother. He’s back—and it would be wise if you let my lady see her husband as soon as possible.” Mariya persists, and if Naoaki’s anxiety was already over the roof… now is beyond the stars. She then walks over to “you”, grabbing your arm and intending to pull you away from “Naoaki.” “Now, if you excuse us—neither of us wants to keep him waiting.”

“No, Mariya—wait. Give me a moment with her—I mean, him.” Naoaki suddenly says, and this, while surprising to Mariya, is enough for her to let him go.

“Is everything alright, Y/N?” she asks, almost offended for Naoya; you’d never wanted to waste time in welcoming your husband…

“Yes, of course. Everything is splendid!” Naoaki says nervously, but reality couldn’t be any further from that. Mariya squints her eyes. “He was just telling me something so interesting, it wouldn’t be bad for me to want to hear the end of it, can it?”

“… I guess not.” But in the end, Mariya would always trust your judgement above anything else, so she leaves the two alone to continue talking, or more like fretting, on what to do now that Naoya was finally back.

“Please don’t ask me to do this.” Naoaki begs. “Anything but this, Y/N.”

“It’s not like I want to either, Naoaki!” You whine; truly, all that you desired to do was run towards your husband and give him all the kisses in the world!

But… you couldn’t—and it pained you much more than you could’ve ever imagined.

“We can’t let him know.”

“Why not?” Naoaki frowns. “Surely even in his stubbornness he’ll understand—”

“Because I don’t want to stress him anymore.” You murmur. “Naoya has been nothing but piled up with mission after mission, do you think he’ll want to come home to another problem?!”

Naoaki thinks you’re giving his brother too much credit, labeling him capable of caring for anything beyond his own interest…

“Please, Naoaki… don’t tell anyone of this.”

“And what are we supposed to do then? Live out the rest of our lives like this?”

“No—of course not. We’ll… look for a solution.” You suggest. If only it were that easy. “Until then, just play along.”

“Play along?” he asks. “How—surely you don’t expect me to…”

“No, just—just tell Naoya that you’re tired, and he’ll understand it!”

“My brother—understand.” That’s perhaps the craziest thing he’s heard all that day, and he’s switched bodies with you!

“He’s… not as bad as you think.” You insist. “He must be tired too, I don’t think he’s going to do much after coming back from a long mission, you know?”

Oh, if only you were right.

In fact, not only were you completely wrong, but fate seemed to make it it’s personal mission to rub it in his face the moment he met up with Mariya, who’d first voice her distaste for Naoaki before tormenting him with Naoya’s return.

“But you don’t have to worry about my feelings, not when your dear husband is back! And something tells me that he missed you very, very much…”

“Wha—what do you mean by that, Mariya?” Naoaki trembles, feeling seconds away from throwing your plan out the window and leaving the estate all together—if he doesn’t puke first.

“Aw, come on—like you don’t know what I mean!” She chuckles, gently elbowing you. “He brought you thousands of gifts again, they’re blocking the whole entrance! I feel bad for the servant that has to move them all to your bedroom…”

“Oh.” Naoaki frowns.

He never thought Naoya had it in him to do such gesture and in such size… but seems he does as evident by the commotion harboring by the entrance, where a group of servants were taking out countless boxes and bags from the trunk of Naoya’s car and placing them by the engawa, while Naoya angrily ordered them to be careful, for their worth was much higher than their yearly paycheck.

Only stopping when he sees “you.”

Eyes softening and a bright grin on his face, Naoya drops everything on the spot before rushing over to your side, quickly wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close to him, lips intending to plant a kiss on yours and just about everywhere he can get, but Naoaki quickly evades him by offering your cheek instead—if your husband noticed such action, he didn’t mention, seems he was far happier to be back.

And needier.

“Good luck!” Mariya whispers to Naoaki before bowing to Naoya and retreating, effectively leaving “you” to your husband’s will.

“I missed you, my love…” Naoya begins, his hands snaking down to your waist and tugging you closer—if that was even possible. “Did you miss me too, kitten?”

“Ki—kitten?!” Naoaki gasps, doing his best to push Naoya away, failing to do so with your strength; oh, how he wishes he was back in his body!

Naoya chuckles.

“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to come back” he chuckles. “Specially with all those things you sent me…”

“Wha—what things?!”

“The ones you wanted me to do to you…” he breathes. “I’ll never forget how eager you sounded…”

Naoaki wants the earth to split open and swallow him whole.

“Well, it’s—it’s good you’re back at the estate! But I’m tired and I’d like to—" Naoaki tries to save himself by using the excuse you told him would work, but it doesn’t, immediately backfiring on him.

“Are you—are you pregnant?” Naoya gasps, in a way Naoaki can’t describe as nothing less than hopeful, if not excited for the prospect of having a family with you.

Notions that make Naoaki freeze and confused, eyes widening as he realizes that one, the two were trying to get pregnant— And two…

Naoya wanted a family?

Yet again, the image he had of Naoya are slowly changing…

Although in the worst timing possible.

“No, not yet.” Naoaki responds, playing along. He expects to be commended for this act. “But I’m still tired, work here has been… busy.”

“I see.” Naoya responds, a bit disillusioned, but not yet ready to give up, given the way his hand slides further down your waist, dangerously close to an area Naoaki does not want to have touched by him. “But we can still try, can’t we? Perhaps a little tonigh—”

“I said—I’m tired!” How Naoaki managed to push him away is something he’ll never know; but not that it matters much, for all he cared about now is facing the consequences of his outburst, something that shouldn’t have occurred in the first place since you reassured him Naoya would be nothing but understanding of your exhaustion, but now that he went ahead to assure his sanity, he might’ve just ruined the whole plan.

“Y/N?” Naoya asks, concern on his voice as he takes a step away from you, trying to get a better look of your face—he notices there’s something off about “you” but… he can’t put a word to it. “Are you… ok?”

“I’m just… tired.” Naoaki repeats. Still confused, greatly confused, because this whole interaction is nothing short of odd, and overwhelming.

“I’m sorry.” Naoya suddenly says, and this makes Naoaki even more baffled. His brother? Apologizing?! Truly, hell has frozen over. Are you sure it had only been you and Naoaki switching bodies? “…Well, I’m still happy to see you again, my love. I shall let you rest while I go finish other things, and then I’ll see you in our room, ok?”

“Ok.” Is all that Naoaki says before rushing over to see you again, having been eagerly waiting for him in some unaccounted empty room, jumping to ask him how every went down as soon as he entered, before going silent when Naoaki darted you a piercing cold stare that lets you know this situation will only worsen, unless they find a solution quickly.

“Don’t ever make me do that again.”

Naoaki and you tried your best to act as if nothing had changed, as normal as possible to avoid suspicion from those around them.

And at first it worked, Naoaki somehow managed to avoid Naoya throughout most of the day, throwing excuses at him that would take advantage of his seeming adoration for you (which Naoaki had yet to believe…) which he always accepted—he still wonders how your husband hasn’t noticed they haven’t even slept in the same room anymore, but in all honesty, as long as it keeps working, he doesn’t care.

But your staff… those were not as lenient as you would’ve wanted. While Naoya was afraid of doing anything to might slightly upset you, Mariya and the rest were not as careful when voicing their skepticism whenever “you” did something out of the norm, which eventually lead to get really creative with his excuses; he’s still surprised he even got it in him to say the things he did!

As for you… well, it wasn’t any easy either, considering that most of the people you were forced to hang around with were those you didn’t normally do so, such as his brothers, or the staff… but thankfully, his status amongst the clan often meant that whatever you said, they’d take as law, so there wasn’t much to justify there.

Unless talking about duties.

Both should’ve known that doing each other’s job would also be part of this “deception”, but as much as you tried to prepare the other, something still managed to pop up that almost places the plan in jeopardy.

“Come on, show me!” Naohiko insisted, an example of those highly tense moments. “You know, that thing that you do when using your technique.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” You’d try to avoid him, laughing nervously. “I don’t do anything special with my technique!”

“Don’t try to be humble, is unbefitting of you.”

“I really don’t know what you mean! Hahahaha!”

“Great, now you’re acting like that prick Naoya.”

“Hey! He’s not a prick!”

Naohiko raises an eyebrow.

“What are you now, saint Naoaki?

“No, of course not.” You rush to save yourself; whatever you could without appearing even more suspicious… When will this all end?

“You’re right though, Naoya isn’t a prick—he’s an asshole.”

… Guess you now knew why Naoya didn’t want you around his brothers.

But all these efforts would mean nothing the moment Mariya grew too skeptical of “your” behavior; the tipping point being the day she asked you what flowers you’d like for the new garden since the old ones are slowly withering away.

A common question with an even more predictable answer….

“I don’t know, any should be fine.”

Or not.

And that, alongside the fact you and Naoaki had been sighted spending more and more time together, while avoiding the rest… is what finally leads Naoya to confront the two.

“I tried my best to give you the benefit of the doubt, believe that maybe I was imagining things because I was tired after a long mission; but there’s no denying it now.” Naoya cited you, alongside Naoaki and your staff, to what you considered an emergency meeting to discuss the elephant in the room. “My wife keeps avoiding me with all kinds of excuses: first, she’s tired. Then, she’s sick. And now, she doesn’t even sleep in the same room as me anymore!

And I believed it, I really did, until her staff saw the two of you together, quite frequently actually; to the point it made me believe there was something else going on.”

“What are you implying… Naoya?” You ask, although you know the answer very well. Maybe you just hoped it was something else.

However, far from upsetting you…

It irritated you. Because this was the last thing that you wanted to deal with, on top of everything else!

“Y/N… Are you cheating on me with Naoaki?”

“And why would I do that?!” you breathe.

“I’m not talking to you, brother!” He snaps at “Naoaki” you frown.

Right. This goddamn hindrance again.

“Then don’t accuse me of things I haven’t done!” Naoaki retorts; you can hear your same desperation on his voice—because truly, of all things he could’ve concluded, this is what he decided to go for…

“What am I supposed to think after you’ve been avoiding me? Hanging around with my brother, of all people?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Naoaki responds.

“You know well, I’ve told you before!”

“Naoya…” you say; because even if taken aback by his incredulous idea, it still hurt to know he’d think you capable of such thing.

Perhaps it was best to tell the truth for once and for all.

“This isn’t what it looks like.” You continue.

“Well then, Naoaki, what does this look like?”

You then glance over to Naoaki, as if seeking reassurance while giving him a look that tells him exactly what you plan to do.

He hesitates, mainly because of what seemed to be Naoya’s reaction up to that point, but he won’t deny that he’d do anything to stop this madness from growing even bigger than it already has, thus, after a few seconds of this silent exchange, he nods, and you begin.

“…I—I’m not really Naoaki.” You say, statement that immediately makes Naoya laugh and your ladies scoffing—as if you weren’t already embarrassed, or irked…

This really isn’t off to a great beginning.

“Now that’s an excuse if I’ve ever heard one!” Naoya laughs.

“No! Listen to me, Naoya!” you interject, beyond frustrated at this point. “It’s not an excuse, it’s the truth!”

“Amuse me, then.”

“…Naoaki and I… we switched bodies.” You bluntly declare. “I—I don’t know how or why it happened, we just… woke up one day and I was him and he was me; and we’ve been trying to—trying to figure out everything, how to reverse it but we just… haven’t…”

“Do you really expect me to believe that? That you somehow switched bodies?” Naoya frowns. “That’s the most ingenious excuse—"

“…I can prove it.” You interject, Naoya raises his eyebrows. Perhaps telling him something only you and he knows would do trick. So, you make your way over to him, reaching for his ear and whispering to him details of your honeymoon you were absolutely certain he’d take as proof of your identity and leave this case to rest…

If, of course, he wasn’t as skeptical as he continued to be.

“I can’t believe you.” Naoya gasps, taking a step away before glancing over to “you” “I can’t believe you’d tell Naoaki of our honeymoon.”

“No, Naoya! That’s not what it is! It’s me, it’s Y/N—” you gasp, angry at this point. “Oh, I always hate it when you’re this stubborn!”

And that seemed to be the end of it; or more like the beginning of it all, believing you were not only sentenced to live out the rest of your life in Naoaki’s body (or until the effects of this distasteful act dissipated, God knows when that will be) but also suffering the great dent this happening struck onto your marriage.

You wanted to scream.

You wanted to yell, kick, punch—everything, yet nothing at the same time. Feeling powerless, foolish, and infuriated that nothing had gone your way since this started.

It seemed to be a punishment for something you had yet to be held accountable for, but that will be something to ponder on about later after you got away from everything and cooled down.

So, careless of the gasps demanding you stay, you begin to make your way towards the door, placing your hand over the edge and more than ready to just get the hell away from everyone—

But just as you were to step out the room, you hear Naoya murmur something underneath his breath, something that causes you to turn around and scowl, deep in disbelief (and pain) that he still had more to belittle you with!

“What is it now?!” you gasp.

“I can’t believe it.” Naoya says—yet, his words don’t have that same burning anger as before, nor mocking nature…

“What now? Haven’t you had enough of making fun of me?!” you lament.

“No fucking way…” He continues. “This… can’t be true.”

“Fine, keep thinking I told Naoaki about—”

“It is you.”

“How—what?!” now you’re confused. “Why should I think you—believe me?”

Want to know what gave it away for Naoya to unexpectedly trust your words?

It wasn’t anything outrageous, nor “other-worldly” as it seemed. Really, it all came down to one simple thing, the same one he always teases you about, or in this case, the one he never liked to see, for it always made him feel guilty, rushing to do everything in his power to make you happy:

Your pout.

Naoya could recognize that look anywhere, from a picture to your voice, even from a thousand miles…

And now, in his brother’s body.

Because there’s only one person that would have that same pouty look on their face, the one that is made seconds before you wanted to cry, or when you’re tired of Naoya’s relentless teasing.

You.

Who would’ve known that’s all it took for him to believe you?

“Naoya—what?” Mariya blinks, fearfully placing the pieces together. “Don’t tell me this—is she…. He…”

“I wasn’t lying…” you say, and this makes your ladies gasp.

“When did this happen?” Naoya continues, making his way over to you. “How—how?”

“I wish I knew.” Naoaki adds. “It’s been nothing but a continuous nightmare ever since it happened.”

“Wait, does that mean… the day I returned… you…” Your husband frightfully begins, the implications worse than anything he’d ever imagined—

But Haruko being the only one to openly state them.

“ALL THIS TIME I’VE BEEN SERVING NAOAKI?!” she yells before suddenly fainting, her sister quick to catch her body while Mariya rushes out the room in search of anything that could help her recover swiftly—perhaps her own way to deal with the shocking revelation.

“So whenever we… were together…”

“Don’t say it.” You say, scowling out of disgust. “We don’t have to.”

Naoya suddenly turns to face Naoaki.

“You better not have done anything weird with her body!”

“Why me? Ask your wife, since you two are nothing but perverts…”

“Naoaki!” you gasp, flustered.

“Did you do anything, Y/N?” Naoya asks, slowly turning over to see you—it’s subtle, but still there. Your husband is jealous.

… it’s a bit cute, alright.

“No, of course not.” You breathe. “Although I have to admit… certain things were very difficult to do.”

“Like what, Y/N?” he insists, you shake your head.

“… please don’t make me say it.”

“Well then, I won’t” Naoya responds—for now. “But then… how did this happen?”

“As we’re telling you, we don’t know.” Naoaki continues. “It happened right after I came back from a mission.”

“Backtrack your steps, what did you do as soon as you got here?” Naoya asks; he’s going to get to the bottom of this, whatever it takes.

Naoaki knew he wouldn’t like it, but honestly, he doesn’t care anymore; he wants to get out of this situation as soon as possible.

“I met up with Y/N to give her some mochi I brought—we both ate the whole box and then I started feeling sleepy.”

“Me too.” You add. “It was so sudden too, I mean, sure I ate allot but I wasn’t that tired before—”

And then, as if it were the most obvious thing, it all clicks.

“The mochi!” you and Naoaki gasp in unison.

Why it never occurred to either, that’s something they don’t even know themselves; perhaps because they never considered something so small and delicious could offer such a big threat, but now that it was brought forward, it wouldn’t take long for Naoya to begin his investigation, trailing down the store Naoaki brought the mochi from and soon finding out that indeed they were tampered with.

According to the vendor, he immediately recognized Naoaki as member of the prestigious Zen’in clan, and wanting to cause some havoc, perhaps get some monetary gain out of it (knowing well they’d come to him in due time) decided to give him mochi imbued with his cursed technique and let everything else fall in place.

But of course, Naoya wasn’t one to easily fall into demands of others, so after enough… persuasion, the man quickly worked to reverse his technique, creating an antidote mixed with the victim’s cursed energy and to be taken the same way the mochi were.

Preparations for the whole ordeal afterwards were quick, to the point where you and Naoaki ironically wondered why they hadn’t considered telling Naoya in the first place, although the latter was far more intrigued by the way his brother handled the situation.

While skepticism was certainly on the table, the one thing Naoaki did not expect was the kindness in which Naoya treated you. There were aspects of the nature he knew of in his interactions with you, but they were always with some level of… adoration, softness, as if he were truly overwhelmed for you and not for the hindrances this might present towards him.

Even if he desperately wanted to be with you like that. And given the way you sulked around the estate, you too desired so.

Certainly… the two showed to be far more than what he initially perceived, from a relationship he thought made of interest, with Naoya being the domineering one… Naoaki found out that there were actual feelings in between—love, he might dare to say, from both sides.

Maybe he did wrong in judging him so harshly. Maybe not. Who knows.

All that he knows is that after the antidote worked, things began to fall back into place at the estate, you going back to your usual responsibilities, and him his—travelling off to somewhere he hadn’t even heard of, getting you souvenirs along the way, which now made him feel silly compared to the amount of gifts Naoya would get you in turn.

… Well, maybe not everything went back to normal.

“What’s this?” Naoya says, looking down at the bag Naoaki handed to him.

“Just something I got on the last place I was deployed to.”

“Uh… that’s nice, I guess.” He says, not really interested. Yet.

“It’s for you.”

“Me?” He frowns. “Why?”

“I don’t know—maybe I had a change of heart.” Is all that he says before he turns around and leaves your husband alone.

Later on, Naoya tells you of this occurrence, voicing how confused this whole subject made him. You wondered if he did anything to him while he was… “switched.”

He denies so, before making you promise him to never bring up the matter again. You oblige with a laugh.

Extra 1:

This succession is one that would mostly be kept as a secret amongst those involved, for the sake of saving everyone explanations to give.

However, there were those that remained skeptical, such as Haruko, who would occasionally prod at you, just to check if you were truly yourself again, to which you’d respond by teasing her, scaring her with the idea that you were still Naoaki and oh the things that you’ll do in this body!

“Bet you’re happy you’re back, isn’t it?” Hitomi would tease back, one of the many ways she’d defend her sister, when not laughing along, of course. “You and Naoya sure did lots of “catching up” when that happened…. perverts”

“Hey that’s—” you stammer, before turning bright red. “That’s not true…”

But you didn’t fool anyone; in fact, as soon as you were back in your body, you and Naoya did all of the things you wanted to do as soon as he was back—and probably even more, to the point where your staff had to intervene, asking Naoya to leave you alone for bit because you still had other things to tend to.

“I’m just making sure my beloved wife is truly back to her usual self.” Naoya would say. “In all ways, not just physical”

They all knew better than to insist, more so because the next time they do, they might see something they wouldn’t want to, probably scar them for life too—yet they couldn’t deny their happiness to see the two back together again. After seeing how desolate you were without him, and him without you, it was a well-deserved break.

“Gross.” Hitomi would cringe, before laughing once more.

Extra 2:

“Naoya.” You murmur, snuggling close to him. It was the last night he’d be at the estate before he went, yet again, onto another mission. This time promises to be shorter than the others, but it still doesn’t mean you’re any happy for it.

“Yes, my love?”

“I was thinking…”

“That’s a dangerous thing to do.”

You pout, Naoya chuckles, kissing the top of your head as he wraps his arms around you.

“Anyways… I was thinking about that thing that happened to us…”

“The… body switching thing?”

“Yeah, and it came to me something I didn’t even consider.”

“What’s that?”

“Well, you know how they say soulmates can find each other no matter what they look like, right?”

“Right…” Naoya says; getting a mixture of feelings, first, guilty that this theory wasn’t applicable to him anymore. He should’ve recognized you the moment he saw you! And yet…

Secondly, because something in his mind told him you were planning something… unexpected—but what? And does he even want to know?

Maybe.

“So, I was just wondering… would you still love me if I was a worm?”

“What the—what the fuck?” he exclaims, laughing nervously. “Where did this come from??”

“Oh, come on!” you chuckle. “I’d love you, I’d have you in a nice little tank or whatever it’s called, decorated with all kinds of plants, homegrown so they won’t have anything weird in them, so you can eat to your hearts delight, as well as put you your anime shows so you wouldn’t get bored!”

“You’re weird…” he laughs.

“I’d probably take you out on a walk too, have like a small box I can carry so we can go around the city, let you out in the park, all that stuff” you continue, completely invested in the idea. “Sounds nice, right?”

“But if I were a worm… then I wouldn’t be able to fuck you the way you love so much—although I think I can manage if I really get in—”

“Eww!! No! Stop it! Nope! Don’t be weird about it!” you whine, fidgeting against him in efforts to get away from his uncalled suggestions, but he just laughs, holding you in place while snaking one of his hands down to your ass and firmly squeezing it. “Don’t—don’t touch me after saying something so gross!’

“Hey, you started it! I was just following you along.”

“It was just a joke!” You whine, he continues to laugh, peppering kisses on your face until you eventually accept your fate and stop fighting him.

He continues doing the same, eventually quieting down to complete silence. After a few seconds of cuddling together, your husband speaks up again.

“Even if you were a rock, I’d always love you.” Naoya admits.

“…Would I be a cute rock?”

“The hottest rock.” He kisses you once again, you roll your eyes at his lewdness, as if you weren’t expecting to do that one last time before he left, before laughing and kissing him. “I love you.”

😏 I guess that's my take on how Naoya would answer the worm question, not that anybody asked but hey, it is what it is hahaha

Also, this was all for laughing sake's, Y/N would immediately tell Naoya about the whole thing 😂 she'd be persistent cause she aint about missing her wifely duties!! But outside of that, Naoya was very, veryyyyy jealous when he heard about the whole thing—want to know what he worried for the most though? Y/N thinking Naoaki's dick was bigger or something hahahah oof rest assured, she likes his better :)

Anyways, this was certainly very, very different from other asks I've got to answer! I really liked trying something new :> I know I deviated a bit from your idea, but I still hope you were able to enjoy it!! It's just what came to me at the moment 🤔 hehe.

Once again, thank you so much for this 🥺❤️ Take care and hope to see you soon!!

#ask #naoya zenin #naoya zen'in #naoya x reader #naoya zenin x reader #naoya zenin x you #jjk naoya #naoya zen'in x reader #jjk x reader #jjk fluff #jjk x you #prompt series: jujutsu kaisen

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arofulboyfriend · 27 days

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howdy! i'm seren (he/him) and this is my shiny new blog after a long time away from tumblr (or rather just lurking in the shadows). decided to rejoin after a few months of chilling in the aroacespec tags and slowly coming to terms with my own aro identity, and because i think any community could always use another token transmasc /lh

im not big on using social media, so i may post somewhat infrequently, but i do love to meet new people and chat so my ask box and replies are all open and i try to check my notifications often!

about me (brief): like i said my name is seren, i use he/him pronouns, and like the bio says i'm transmasc, lovequeer, and aroace, in broad strokes. i'm an adult in my mid 20s and i like genshin impact and pjsk and a bunch of other things, so you may sometimes see fandom reblogs if they relate to aroace-ness (will always be tagged)

on labels: im still coming to terms with my aro (and, to a lesser extent, ace) identities, so these are subject to change entirely, as of time of writing though, i'm gnc transmasc, bellus- and idem- romantic, bi-alterous and sex-repulsed ace. i recently saw the term "lovequeer" and really liked that too, so it's been added to the hoard (tm). more explanations below the cut for how i personally define and relate to each label!

about the blog: will use cw/tw tags where needed. i dont personally need tone indicators but i try to use them myself, but usage may be inconsistent. if in doubt, just ask, but 99% of the time i probably sound more cold/angry than i actually am. no dni or dnf just don't be a weird exclusionary or separatist a-hole

other than that, thanks for stopping by!

for simplicity i will always default to calling myself some combo of: transmasc, queer, aroace, or aro, but i'm all of them at once

gnc transmasc: i am transmasc, not trans man, trans boy, boy, or man (the "boyfriend" in my url is meant to be understood as a separate label from "boy"). i prefer masculine forms of address from non close friends, i do not like any feminine terms like girl, sis, etc. i am not out to anyone except close friends and safe parties (like pride) irl, and am not on hormones and cannot get surgery for a variety of reasons, but i do not mind dressing feminine, but by default i kinda tend towards tomboyish fashion regardless

bellusromantic: i enjoy conventionally romantic (as per US social norms) gestures in purely platonic contexts, such as holding hands, cuddling, cheek and hand smooching, calling my friends babe/dear, etc. not fond of mouth kissing.

idemromantic: probably bcus of the audhd, but i do not and have never seen an actual difference between "being besties" and "being romantically involved" - i lovingly call myself homie oriented. internally i never understood a sentiment of "more than friends" or whatever and politically speaking i am loudly, angrily critical of said sentiment.

lovequeer: a term i saw on tumblr a few days ago at time of writing. i feel like my relationship to the concept and feeling of "love" is inherently queer (as in "odd/weird" /pos)

bi-alterous: even though i'm aroace, "bi" was the first queer label i ever connected to, and im not willing to drop it. i am able to form close, intimate relationships with any person of any gender

sex repulsed ace: im repulsed by the idea and concept of specifically irl sex/pornography. i indulge in the occasional smutty fanart or smut fic bcus sadly i do have a libido, but i currently and for the foreseeable future only trust one person with any smut oriented discussion and i only make jokes with close friends

#aromantic #aspec #aroace #asexual #lovequeer #arospec #acespec #aro pride #aromantic asexual #i havent used tumblr in a long time so my familiarity with tagging culture is. Off #actual blog will use org and cw/tw tags !#seren yaps #one day ill probably make this a carrd cause i do love making carrds but im lazy

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susagnon · 1 month

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Class 1-A band

I wondered about this group’s dynamic:

One last band reunion... before they're all shipped of to war.

Kaminari’s probably the only one, who's really friends with all of the band members:

Pre-band, Jirou and Yaoyorozu were already close friends, but Jirou and Kaminari might have had established their electric [I'm not sorry] chemistry even earlier.

To Bakugou, Kaminari's probably the second real friend that he made in his life (or more like Kaminari made himself Bakugou's second real friend).

In another post, I had headcanoned Kaminari as being one of Class Mom's favourite kids. They can be seen laughing together in the background several times. I would count KamiMomo among the underrated background friendships, as I can see them being good for each other: Both are sensitive souls and at the same time, also very encouraging towards others. Kaminari was also the one, who immediately interupted Yaoyorozu, when she attempted to give 1-A and 1-B the "you are not obligated to fight against a lethal opponent with me" - speech, and instead assured her, that she would not face off against Gigantomachia alone.

Tokoyami and Kaminari apparently got closer to each other through the band. Tokoyami's thoughts during Kaminari's big (that should've could've been more elaboratived on) badass scene during the Gunga Mountain raid, outright stated, that he views the latter as a very good friend.

The rest of them? Aren't really close to each other.

...

After the cultural festival arc, Bakugou and Jirou were put into the same team during the joint training arc. Zero-emotional-stakes-fight aside, they are not shown to interact in any manner, that could be interpreted as significant to the relationship between them.

[Tangent rant: And no, I don’t count Bakugou saving Jirou by stepping on her, as significant interaction. Quickly gassing up a minor character and have Bakugou’s defeating them to "prove" how awesome Bakugou’s “teamwork” is, isn’t really convincing, if the audience didn’t get the chance to know the rival character and get invested into them beforehand. The audience is simply told and expected to believe, that Tokage Setsuna's really, really very capable. Usually. We never got to see any of it... dammit, lazy-ass writing! - rant end.]

It’s kinda difficult to make friends with someone who refuses to use your name for most of the time.

How does one become friends with Bakugou actually? Let's see:

Kirishima: Made himself into Bakugou’s morality chain,

Kaminari: I feel like Kaminari befriended Bakugou, bc he subconsciously felt that Bakugou would need his friendship (yes, Bakugou needs Kaminari much more than the other way round),

Todoroki: Just wants to be friends with all of his peers (except maybe Yoarashi Inasa),

Sero and Mina might be counted as Bakugou's friends to a lesser extent.

What do these people have in common? All of Bakugou's friends do 90 % of the work to maintain a relationship with him. The only reason how building rapport with Bakugou is possible, is, if the other person is doing most (if not all) of the rapport building by themselves...

Yeah, you're an ass, Bakugou.

I feel like Jirou, Yaoyorozu, and Tokoyami would have a more “normal” reaction to Bakugou’s character: Aka backing away from the snappy Pomeranian and leaving it tf alone. Most people don’t want to/can’t put up with disrespect and unwarranted anger for an extended amount of time – understandably, especially if they usually receive little to no positive feedback ever.

I headcanon that Bakugou feels slightly uneasy around Yaoyorozu, ever since her assessment of him at the beginning of the school year. I don’t think he ever held a grudge against her for that. Nevertheless, Bakugou’s a very proud individual, even after significant character development. Having someone - especially someone who’s not a senior but a peer – rip apart that superior self-image he had of himself with such sober laser-sharp accuracy, seemed to have been… almost traumatic to Bakugou and his gargantuan ego. I feel like he would subconsciously avoid being alone with Yaoyorozu. As in, if they happen to find themselves alone with each other e.g. in the common areas of their dorms, he will try to leave quickly.

Tokoyami is not amused.

Beyond each other's battle prowess, I don’t see Bakugou and Tokoyami having a lot of respect for each other. Or to put it more mildly: I don’t see them having much patience for the each other's antics.

[Funnily enough, in the gag comics, Dark Shadow - in the form of a little human girl - made a ranking list of who/what she likes the most: Apparently, Bakugou ranks third, just behind Tokoyami himself, and Todoroki.]

...

But yeah, no surprises here. Kaminari gels with everyone. Bakugou gels with no one... except those, whose skins are a lot thicker than the average, and thus, wouldn't mind his verbal abuse too much.

Kaminari Denki: Everything mentioned above, as well as a lack of self-preservation.

What about TokoJirou?

Well, Tokoyami and Jirou got a moment of joint badassery during the final war. From that single interaction, I’d say, his dramatics and her snark go well with each other - be it directed towards each other, or united against others. Aside from that, we haven’t gotten much of them together, unfortunately. However, I believe they get along well, and I can see them becoming friends.

[Actually, the drama CDs gave us Tokoyami accompanying Jirou to a haunted house (while Kaminari chickened out). It includes Jirou asking to hold onto the hem of his uniform, and Tokoyami reassuring her fears. It's all very cute, go look it up on yt!]

And the TokoMomo dynamic?

We know that Yaoyorozu's self-confidence took a critical hit, after she lost against Tokoyami in the sports fest at lightening speed. She seemed to have been very shocked about how the match play out. We could assume, that she had been relatively self-confident previously. But we actually don't know, if it used to be more stable. And while Yaoyorozu's match with Todoroki against Aizawa gave her back some self-confidence; from then on, we're privy to more of her thoughts - most of them centered around self-doubt.

So either she'd never encountered a roadblock before losing against Tokoyami, and their match was to her, what her own assessment of Bakugou was to the latter. Or, Yaoyorozu has always been prone to second-guess herself a lot after encountering setbacks.

While he probably didn't pay half as much mind to his quick victory against Yaoyorozu as she did, we know that Tokoyami can be quite observant. I would have been interested in his thoughts about their match, as well as the resulting consequences for Yaoyorozu's self-confidence.

How would these two interact, if they were to be alone with each other? Very politely for sure. But what other aspects could their interactions have? How could they become closer friends?

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tavtime · 7 months

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One of the things I've been thinking a lot about (as I very, very slowly write my longfic about it) is this theme in BG3 of conflict between gods or godlike authorities versus ordinary people. I think the things it has to say about how "the Great and the Good" treat people they consider their inferiors, and where real power is actually located in that dynamic, are very interesting.

Like. Ok. Literally every full companion's personal arc is concerned with that companion being used as a pawn by an actor with greater scope of influence than themselves: Karlach is on the run from Zariel; Lae'zel finds herself in direct conflict with her people's god-queen; Shadowheart's entire relationship with Shar is dependent on her compliance to being bent to Shar's purposes at the expense of all other connections; Mystra tells Gale to blow himself up to earn her forgiveness and derail a competing power. Even Astarion and Wyll, who aren't beholden to gods per se, are struggling against being manipulated by those who hold sway far beyond the scope of their own (Cazador is not just powerful as a vampire but implied to be socially powerful as well, and Wyll's conflict is not just with Mizora but also his father in his capacity more broadly representing the needs of Baldur's Gate).

And the interesting thing with each of these, what gets brought up time and again, is that these gods and betters aren't actually the ones exercising power over the situation. They're trying, via manipulation of those in service to them, but they aren't actually exerting influence directly in most cases. The implication is of indifference, impotence, or being themselves beholden to a greater power (Gale does make an offhand comment re: how willing Ao would be to overlook Mystra's interference in mortal affairs). The people who actually end up exercising power in this situation are the little people, the ones nominally being used.

Which, Thing One, I think this is a very intentional storytelling choice that yields fantastic contrast to the interactions between the controlled party and the antagonists. The Dead Three are a threat in large part because they were willing to get their handa dirty and operate on the material plane. The first real boss the player faces, Ketheric, is not just chosen of Myrkul directly wielding some of his power, but transforms physically into his avatar. Orin and, to a lesser extent, Gortash as well, can be analyzed along similar lines.

But Thing Two, which I think is really the thing I want to spend the most time turning over, is that the story takes a pretty clear position on moral and personal value in this situation. Basically, in the conflict between the ordinary people of the world and its gods and paragons, the narrative comes down very firmly on the side of the people who are considered pawns or disposable. The protagonists are the ones winning this fight, not their gods, and every time a character gets the opportunity to rise above their "station" to be on equal footing with those powers it's framed negatively. Durge embracing Bhaal, Astarion completing the Ascension, Shadowheart becoming a Dark Justiciar, Gale reforging the crown, Karlach becoming a mind flayer, any Tav or Durge choosing to dominate the brain - all of these involve the character gaining a large amount of power, and all of them are framed by the narrative as "bad endings" (though whether you as the player personally feel differently about them is left up to you, of course). The sole exception to this might be Wyll, who has the opportunity to step into his father's shoes, but even then, there is some aspect of power only being framed as "good" when it is used in service of the people.

Basically what I'm trying to say is that there is an allegory here about class conflict and the power inherent to ordinary people which I think is worthwhile to examine, and is a crucial part of any thorough analysis of BG3's themes.

#and don't even get me started on withers as a pov for the hand of the author. i could talk about that funky little dude all day #this is by no means world shattering or original analysis of an rpg lmao. but it is taking up space in my brain #baldur's gate 3 #astarion #karlach #wyll #shadowheart #gale #lae'zel #long post #meta

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the-gateway-to-madness · 1 month

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I wanna talk about a bit of a... fandom sore spot, for me.

Specifically, the treatment/reception of characters like Stuart from 3Below, or Soos from Gravity Falls, Soren from The Dragon Prince, or even to a much lesser extent Fred from Big Hero 6.

There's a lot of backlash against these kinds of characters. They're the annoying one. Clumsy or otherwise physically inadept, often portrayed as or treated like they're overweight, less intelligent/seen as less intelligent than the protagonists.

The issue is that either the writers treat them like comic relief, or the characters do, or both. They're not treated as full characters in their own right most of the time. Soos was actually pretty well fleshed out, and even then the fandom seemed to treat him pretty poorly; Soren started out this way, from what I saw, and has gained respect. People tear down this type of character, call them annoying, treat them as unnecessary, and no one really bats an eye.

Except these characters have the probably-unintended side effect of appealing to a specific subsection of the fandom. I struggle with my weight due to ARFID, I'm not as intelligent as the onscreen protagonists in the media I enjoy a lot of the time, and I tend towards a goofier sense of humor. If I were to pop into a fictional world I would be That Guy. The annoying one. The one a lot of the fandom's not sure why the protagonists keep them around.

It feels good to feel like maybe the protagonists I admire would like me, and keep me around because of the person I am. But when they're treated like Stuart or Hooty, in the show and outside of it... I feel like I would be unwanted, unwelcomed, and in the way. Like everyone, even my blorbos, would want me gone.

And to be clear, that's not to say anyone's personal taste is inherently wrong. I'm just saying that there's a major lack of compassion or critical thinking with regards to this specific type of character.

Anyway, that's enough venting for one day. Back to my hole.

#tales of arcadia #gravity falls #the owl house #the dragon prince #toa #gf #toh #tdp #big hero 6 #bh6

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akookminsupporter · 1 year

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JIKOOKERS VS TAEHYUNG

This is a post I didn't think I would ever do, but one thing this fandom has taught me is that there's a first time for everything.

One of the things that always made me proud of jikookers is the respect they always maintained for the other ships that Jimin and Jungkook also belong to. That they never had a problem enjoying the moments between Yoonmin or Taekook, for example. That they were able to see them for what they were without feeling threatened. In fact, I rejoiced in the fact that, like me, many thought that feeling "threatened" by Jimin and Jungkook's interactions with other members was absurd.

Early on it was easy for me to find posts or tweets saying that jikookers were different. That while they were not perfect, the vast majority were respectful, there was always an exception to that rule, but they were rare. Jikookers were able to watch Tkk interact, for example, and love the moment. It was easy to say how cute it was; how funny they were even if a little awkward. 'That's how Tkk is' was easy to conclude.

But for some time now, since last year, in particular, things have changed.

Since last year the animosity towards Tae from many jikookers became more evident. The comments, the questioning and the accusations became more public and more direct. For some time now, it has been easy to find comments accusing Tae of riling up his shippers, that he does this or that on purpose. He knows what he's doing!' many conclude and it's sad and curious how they don't see that they are acting like someone from the subgroup. Not entirely like them, but you start somewhere.

Taekookers or the subgroup as I call them, are in general, the worst thing in this fandom. The vast majority of them have problems. They live in a fantasy world where Jungkook and Tae are their protagonists and Jimin is their favourite villain. The big problem with them is that they take Jimin's role in their stories to extremes.

For them, Jimin is the homewrecker, the one who gets in the middle of Jungkook and Tae. The one who won't let them be happy. He doesn't let them be free. Jimin is the one to blame even when he has nothing to do with the scene they imagined in their rotten imagination. This has led them to insult Jimin in the vilest ways possible. Name-calling, taunts, dangerous rumours and slander against Jimin are the bread and butter of this group and it is frustrating.

For them everything Jimin says in reference to Jungkook is a lie, it's unnecessary, it's fanservice, he's just doing it for attention, to mislead them that Tkk is real. For them, everything Jimin does is on purpose. Everything Jimin and Jungkook do is because the agency ordered them to do it. They are controlled. They always question why Jimin has to mention Jungkook so much in his Wlives, sound a bit familiar? They will all keep saying the same thing, Regardless of what you believe or what Jimin, Jungkook and Tae do.

Now, jikookers are acting like them to some extent. To a lesser extent. While they aren't making up rumours and making fun of Tae, they are basically accusing him of hindering JiKook's happiness or not, of mollycoddling the subgroup's behaviour, of giving them permission almost with "everything he does and says" to hate Jimin and I don't understand how they don't realise how ugly that sounds.

Tae is a particular person. Strange some would say. A bit childish at times, selfish at others and spoiled too but I do believe he is a person who loves selflessly and that he adores Jimin.

Since the break started and the amount of content decreased, jikookers became more restless. Many are begging, almost demanding proof that JiKook is real. That it is still real. My inbox is constantly filled with questions, accusations, mockery and conclusions regarding this. If Jungkook smiles 4 seconds at Jimin instead of 10, it means that JiKook is not real. If Jimin goes to Hobi and Jungkook doesn't go with him, it means they broke up. And if Taehyung mentions Jungkook's name once in a Wlive, it means that Tkk is real and JiKook is not.

They are all friends and I thought it had always been clear that they all adore each other. Particularly Vmin.

In the end, many who were sure of what they believed in revealed their truth. They too have insecurities about what they believe and need constant proof that JiKook is real. Because a Tkk interaction sends them to ICU immediately.

Jungkook and Tae's relationship has always been interesting. It's sometimes very passive-aggressive. Awkward a lot of times when it's just the two of them. They didn't use to gravitate to each other individually, they each had their own person for it. Ironically for both of them, it was almost always Jimin and Hobi. The Maknae and their leader. The reality of their relationship we could see it or understand it much more clearly in ITS, the conversation they had and what they said proved that we don't really know much about their dynamic as a group. As friends. But since then, their relationship seemed to improve which was seen in front of the cameras and behind them, but instead of being something we would all rejoice about it became an ordeal for many.

Jungkook was with Tae and not Jimin. Tae mentioned Jungkook. why did he do that? he doesn't know that now his fans will hate Jimin more. he knows what saying that will generate and he doesn't care!

I'm sure more than one of you has read those accusations/comments. Many of you may have made them.

It is sad.

I don't think bts members are perfect, do they seem to be better human beings than many other celebrities? Definitely, but that doesn't make them perfect, to pretend that they are is absurd. To believe that they are exempt from criticism is also absurd, but it is one thing to criticise behaviour with valid arguments and another to do so because it simply threatens the premise you have chosen to believe in.

A few weeks ago I commented on a comment Tae made on a "conversation" Jimin and Jungkook had on Weverse. I remember saying that it was strange and very out of context even for Tae. Then I questioned a post that Namjoon made on Instagram when Jimin's album was released. I don't know if I said I was disappointed, but I do remember saying and feeling that it was strange. Unnecessary. So no, criticizing members’ actions in front of others is not wrong. You feel the way you feel and if you didn't like something or felt it was wrong, you have every right to feel the way you feel. No one has to insult you or demerit YOUR THOUGHTS OR FEELING, the problem for me lies in the fact that many seem to do it simply from a ship vs ship, shippers vs shippers point of view.

It's also not a bad thing for you to say that you individually don't vibe with X or Y members. I think we all like bts as a group and that their dynamic as a group is special, unique and fun. Each member brings a little bit to the synergy they have as a band but maybe individually for you, it's not the same. This also applies to their music at this stage of their solo careers. Personal tastes, musical and personality affinities will predominate at this stage and that's fine. The premise as a fan will always be for many to support all members, but the reality is different and I think it is more than obvious. But again, ideally, that should be for valid arguments and not because you are fed up with their shippers or their fans or things external to them. They are not responsible for how others react, even if they do it in their name. For them.

I saw some comments these days saying that the problem they had with Tae wasn't about ships, but the problem seems to have started when they noticed that Tae mentioned Jungkook in his latest Wlives.

I don't mean to tell you how you should feel or what you should say, I guess all I ask or advise you to do is to think a bit if your fear, sometimes subconscious, of what you have believed for a long time is not real or not real anymore, is leading you to judge hastily, to find culprits and with its justifications for why something is not like it used to be. Or because something has changed.

Something we have always criticised or said about the subgroup is that, if they are sure that their ship is real, why do they feel threatened by Jimin, why do they bother with the interactions between Jimin and Jungkook. Those are the same questions I ask you.

Personally, I find no malice or hidden agenda in the fact that Tae has mentioned Jungkook in some of his Wlives. I also don't feel "threatened" because Jungkook has hung out with Tae and his friends several times. If that changes in the future, I hope I will have enough arguments to justify how I feel. For the time being, I will try to always have a positive attitude towards things. Be true to how I interpret what I see and how what I see makes me feel. I hope we all do the same, always keeping in mind that we must be fair and not get carried away by subjectivities.

All I ask is that you be respectful of the members. With their interactions. And try to be as objective as possible, always remembering that the fact that the subgroup isn't or others don't do the same is no justification for you to do so. You are better than all of them.

I will always try to see your point of view and I will always respect it as long as it is respectful. Although many criticize me and say that I don't post different points of view than mine, I have always tried to do so. Obviously, I have my limits but hey, at least I try.

If you made it this far, I'm sorry for another long post. I know I talk a lot but I always try to express what I feel and what I want to say in the best way.

P.S.: Remember that my English is not the best, so I apologise for any mistakes you may have found.

#jkkrs #JK #JM #TH #the subgroup #shippers #ships #bts solo careers #bts break #rosie's thoughts #rosie's opinion #fandom

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