#that's not a lie but I also just love sharing my culture online so naturally I had to write about a good old Jause

[cerise-on-top]

Eating Jausn with König

A Brettljausn is just about the best thing out there. I wrote this back in November when my classmates decided to talk about Easter and Osterjausn, so the formatting is different. However, I thought it would work well with the Easter post, so I decided to post it now.

“Honey, what is that?” You looked at the wrinkly, dark colored thing in front of you. It might have been a sausage, on closer inspection. The plate was well filled with all kinds of meat and cheese. On the side were horseradish, eggs and pepper of all colors. On a small plate in front of you were small, sliced cherry tomatoes, the basket next to it held bread.

“It’s a Brettljause, it’s what we eat on special occasions, such as easter. But you don’t always need one to eat it. Just enjoy the meat, dear. It’s all from regional farmers as well.” König seemed rather content while looking at the food. You knew that Austrians loved their meats and sausages, he had told you about that before and you made fun of him for it, but you didn’t think he’d take it upon himself to prepare something like that. It seemed like that must have taken a lot of work. Must have been fairly costly as well. There was bacon there, it looked fairly good.

You took a piece of bread and picked up some meat with a fork. “And what’s this?”

“That’s Geselchtes. I call it Gsöchts, though. It’s meat that you put in salt water before smoking for a few hours. Before eating, you normally cook it. Don’t worry, this one doesn’t have too much fat on it, you can just cut those pieces off.” He put some gray-ish meat on a slice of bread, adding some egg slices and topping it off with some of the grated horseradish. Its scent wafted through the air, stinging your nose a bit. You watch him take a bite out of the bread, he locks his eyes with yours once he notices. “Is something the matter?”

“No, no, everything’s alright.” You looked at the pink meat on your fork, a bit hesitant to give it a try. König seemed to like this sort of food, he likely wouldn’t have prepared it otherwise. Besides, it was classic Austrian cuisine, apparently, it was only polite of you to try it, at the very least. Taking a bite out of the meat, you ran your tongue across it to give it a taste. You could definitely taste the salt, but it wasn’t too bad. It simply added to the flavor. The meat wasn’t very chewy, but you wouldn’t exactly call it the most tender meat either. It was actually surprisingly good. Instead of putting it on your bread, you simply ate the piece whole before picking up the same thing König had. “And what’s this?”

“Schweinsbratn.” He didn’t even hesitate to gobble up his bread, already on his second one. This time he put some bacon on it with cheese. Eggs and horseradish weren’t missing this time either. One of the tomato slices was lifted off the plate and put on his instead.

You followed his example and put two slices of the meat on your bread, topping it off the same way as him. That meat wasn’t too bad actually either, it was obvious that it was made of pork. With the horseradish being very fresh it was only natural for it to be spicy still. It didn’t disappoint, the taste somewhat reminding you of wasabi, even if your eyes started watering a bit. Your bread was gone soon enough and you opted for another one. There was no telling if König’s next one was his third or fourth one already.

“So, Schatzi.” He prepared another one. “Is it good? Do you like it?”

“Oh, it actually is. It’s pretty good.” Taking some of the red pepper, you put it on your bread with Geselchtem, gulping down a few of the tomatoes. You were sort of surprised this stuff didn’t come with a salad as well.

By the time you were on your third bread, the plate was already pretty empty, with König having eaten quite a lot. He’s always had a rather big appetite, and for that you were grateful, there was no way you could have eaten all of that on your own. You hadn’t tried the dark, cut up sausage yet. Of course, you had no idea what that was either. “What’s this? Sausage?”

König quickly chewed the food in his mouth before swallowing it down. “Yes, that’s Hoatwiastl. Hartwürstel, I suppose. As the name suggests, it’s a hard sausage. It’s very good, though, you have to try it.”

It was rather hard indeed, you were glad it was cut up into smaller slices. Biting into it whole would be another other ordeal. It was too small to put on bread, so you ate it along with it. Once done, you were completely full, incapable of eating another bite. There were still pieces of meat and cheese left on the plate, it was unbelievable. König didn’t seem affected at all, he simply got up and started putting everything away before returning with a bottle. If you had to take an educated guess then there’s a chance “Wein” might have been the German word for “wine”. “Would you like a  Spritzer? It’s essentially wine mixed with soda.”

“Is that really necessary? Do we really need to drink too?”

He chuckled a bit. “It’s a big part of our culture. Alternatively, I can offer you some Gösser or Puntigamer.” With an amused expression, he watched you weigh your options. You didn’t know what either of those things were, probably some sort of beer, thus making you better off with the wine, probably. König even got the two of you some wine glasses. They were fancy looking, but you weren’t sure if you could actually take a sip of that.

He really just put mineral water into some wine, drinking it slowly. With a watchful eye, he almost expected you to take after him, which you did eventually. It tasted exactly the way you’d imagine, sparkly wine with a bit less flavor. Not the worst you’ve ever had. The things you did to make your man happy.

You continued to eat for another few minutes, this time in silence, for the most part. The plate was certainly full at the beginning, you couldn’t believe your eyes when most of it was gone. Still, despite the culture being rather meat heavy, you had to admit, it was pretty good. However, it was very filling. You couldn’t eat another slice of bread, opting for the meat and sausage instead, eating some slices of cheese along with them. Maybe some mayonnaise would have been good with it as well, but you didn’t want to make the suggestion in case König didn’t like it.

After wiping his mouth with a paper towel, he sat back, letting out a content sigh while holding his tummy. Even he seemed to be rather full after the copious amounts of meat he had eaten. Not like you weren’t, however. He took another sip of his Spritzer before putting the plates away, with you helping him out a bit, naturally.

“Thank you for trying some of my food, I do appreciate it. Did you like it?” Cleaning the plates with a sponge, his focus was on getting the last few crumbs off it so he could put it in the dishwasher. You popped one last cherry tomato in your mouth before handing him another plate, giving him a hum of approval.

“Yeah, it was pretty good, but could we maybe eat something less meaty next time? This was quite a lot.”

“Don’t worry, Schatzi, next time we can eat Kasnudeln. They’re also very delicious!”

#cod #cod x reader #konig #könig #konig x reader #könig x reader #I am so hyped for that Osterjause you guys have no idea #there's nothing better than horseradish with some meat #I am drooling just thinking about it #this has been queued so by the time this is being posted I've likely already eaten a delicious Osterjause #I had a Jause back in January I think but that wasn't enough. I need something like this every month or else I will combust #anyway! Happy Easter everyone! #I know it likely isn't Easter yet for a lot of you but it's Easter here at the time this is being posted! #I love writing for König when the stars align. I love putting him in nice situations like this #that's not a lie but I also just love sharing my culture online so naturally I had to write about a good old Jause #I don't even know what the next big holiday is in all honesty? #Maifeiertag? but we don't really “celebrate” that #Staatsfeiertag maybe? but only with a few beers and Spritzer #I think the next big thing would be Christmas? #well if I'm still into CoD by then I'll write something for it #might as well mess around and write something birthday related though #but that can wait until it's my birthday

[blackswaneuroparedux]

Anonymous asked:  What role does humor play in your life? How do you look at comedy and its role in culture? Do you think comedy today is more or less funny as woke culture has its itchy trigger finger at the ready to cancel anyone that mocks it? Is it harder for edgy comedians like Dave Chappelle to remain relevant in today’s toxic society? 

Your questions are quite wide and so I hope I can hone in on some of the issues you raised.

I don’t think I’m different from anyone in general in not only loving comedy but also having humour in one’s life. I’ve watched my fair share of comedian stand up sets at comedy clubs and shows (Eddie Izzard, Andy Parsons, Ross Noble, Jack Dee, Stewart Lee, Frankie Boyle and so on).

I try to start my day by watching or reading something funny like an online clip or an article, essay or chapter (think Clive James or Anthony Lane or P.G. Wodehouse) - just to set the tone for the rest of the day. Because let’s face it, one look on the home page of any news media from the BBC or the Economist makes for depressing shitty reading.

Put another way, I’m like the girl who gets up one fine morning and wears a brand new white pair of shoes at school. You just know those white shoes are going to get battered around. They’ll get all kinds muddy shoe prints stomped on it and likely chewing gum and dog poo under it. But least you started the day clean. That’s how I feel about humour in my daily life.

I’m fortunate that I have a close circle of friends who make me laugh and that is precious. We text and send each other stuff throughout the working day. It’s light relief for a stressful day at work.

I try not watch comedy on a plane on my lap top. I think the air stewardess in my business class flight always think I need a sedative because I usually get a severe case of the giggles. I try so hard not to laugh out loud out of respect to the sleeping passengers near me. I just can’t help myself. I wet my knickers laughing so hard.

My perspective on and indeed my insatiable need for comedy in my life can best be summed up by that 18th Century man of letters, Horace Walpole who wrote, “The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.”

For me the best comedy is hilarious and humane but equally brutal and true. Like many people I grew in a home where humour was the life blood of our family especially around the dinner table and just generally goofing off. The jokes to point out our foibles or pratfalls acted like glue to bind us together more strongly. As times goes on and as one matures you also learn to lean into humour as a personal coping mechanism when dark clouds gather above. But it’s also a mark of maturity that you also become self aware of humour as a commentary on things that lie just beneath the thin skin of society.

Humour has been on the minds of thinkers for centuries. My eldest sister who is a neurosurgeon and is interested in humour as a side topic of interest gave me a book on the psychology of humour as a birthday gift. As Peter McGraw and Joel Warner explain in their insightful book, The Humor Code: A global search for what makes things funny, “Plato and Aristotle contemplated the meaning of comedy while laying the foundations of Western philosophy… Charles Darwin looked for the seeds of laughter in the joyful cries of tickled chimpanzees. Sigmund Freud sought the underlying motivations behind jokes in the nooks and crannies of our unconscious.” A good read.

We tend to see comedy through the romantic lens of the one-off inspired comic whose unique view of the world is entertaining. But the focus on the individual witty voice misses the gigantic, political nature of the task of comedy. Comedy isn’t just a bit of fun. We don’t laugh at things unless they cause us very serious problems at other points in life. We can see this in the standard category of jokes: about relationships, family, sex, money, impotence, bowel movements, identity etc. We laugh most readily around things that in other ways are very distressing. A good joke invariably has a relationship with darkness, anxiety and pain.

I’ve always valued humour in people as a precious gift. I love having a laugh and even more if it’s at my expense. Perhaps that comes more readily to the British who appreciate the existential absurdity of life and don’t particularly make an effort to climb out of the hole they fell into…and if they do then we bring them down a peg or two.

But Northern Europeans have an even drier sense of humour, yes, including the Germans (it’s there…somewhere) but in the Swiss it’s totally absent. Norwegians have perhaps the driest sense of humour in Europe and that partly stems from the fact of its social code of janteloven - the idea that you mustn’t think of yourself better than anyone else. Because of this I firmly believe humour should be an equal opportunity offender. Moreover what I love about enjoying a good joke is that one the singular properties of certain comedy when done well is the freedom to explore ideas in an unconventional or counterintuitive way, to subvert society’s norms.

No one does that better than a comedian in culture in flux. As the great George Carlin put it, “I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.“

I’ve always been naturally drawn to dark humour from an early age and I suspect that had a lot to do with being packed off to boarding school at a young age (for my peers it was as young as 7) and just learning to develop coping mechanisms in the face of parental abandonment (or it seemed that way).

However I didn’t know the real importance of dark humour until I actually served in the British army and found humour as a form of therapy to deal with stress and situations of life and death with my army brothers and sisters. Our shared jokes were so off colour and un-PC that we would dare not repeat them in polite and respectable company. But that kind of shared humour served a crucial importance as any soldier will tell you. By mocking dangerous things or the situations you might find yourself with others, humour can embolden us. It helpfully paints what is potentially very frightening as deeply ridiculous. Joseph Heller’s ‘Catch-22’ captures the spirit of the absurdity of it all.

The comic perspective fills a central need of every society; it enables us to cope much better with our own follies and disappointments, our troubles around work and love and our difficulties enduring ourselves. Comedy is waiting to be reframed as a central tool behind the creation of a better world.

Comedy offers us a way of having a better time around things which, otherwise, can feel pretty disastrous. Ideally, in the utopia, comedy and its therapeutic potential wouldn’t be left to chance. Humour would be deliberately cultivated as a benign response to a range of entrenched difficulties. Previously, certain countries had an elaborate carnival season devoted to enforced comic activities. For a brief time, the weak could boss around the powerful, priests and nuns were supposed to hold obscene rituals in their churches, serious people were required to get drunk and throw bags of flour over each other’s heads. Humour wasn’t just left to those who felt so inclined: it was a kind of duty.

Black humour was a means of reducing anxiety of the awareness of death. Historians now know that one of the things that helped the persecuted Jewish community survive the demented Nazi persecution creeping into full blown genocide was humour, often of the darkest kind.

An example well-known joke went like this in Warsaw: "Moishe, why are you using soap with so much fragrance?" - "When they turn me into soap, at least I will smell good”. Jokes about soap were in response to rumours which started circulating in 1942 about soap produced from the fat of the Jews. Other jokes of this kind: "See you again on the same shelf!" or "Don't eat much: the Germans will have less soap!"

Indeed Jewish humour did not die in the Holocaust. In fact, Jews depended on humour to endure the period after liberation, both as a psychological weapon to grapple with what they had endured under Nazi persecution and as a source of coping with the displacement of the postwar period. After the war, humour was a poignant affirmation of mir zaynen do - we are (still) here - a declaration that the Jewish people had not disappeared and indeed could at times have the last laugh.

Does comedy have something to teach us or can we use comedy to teach? That is an interesting question in itself.

When I discuss this with friends across the political and non-political spectrum, some have argued comedy can’t be didactic as its the ultimate contradiction in terms. It’s why they hate woke comedy that often pervades the BBC these days and even the comedy clubs. These friends and I would sometimes go to the Edinburgh Festival to see comedians live on stage. But they say none of what passes for comedy on stage is funny because of the politics of woke.

I would disagree. Not about woke comedy - which ranges from pedestrian to just awful. But I will say that some of the best comedy is didactic. That’s because the best comedy is about revealing hilarious truths.

The ancient biblical books of Jonah and Esther, for example, have comedic elements that are clearly didactic. William Shakespeare’s ‘Much Ado about Nothing’ is didactic. The Marx Brothers’ ‘Duck Soup’ and ‘A Night at the Opera’ are didactic. Mel Brook’s ‘The Producers’ (original only) and ‘Blazing Saddles’ are didactic.

For us Brits, Monty Python is didactic, especially in its masterpiece, ‘Life of Brian.’ For Americans, ‘Seinfeld’ is didactic precisely because it’s about nothing. From ‘The Great Dictator’ to ‘Dr. Strangelove’ and ‘Blackadder series’ to ’South Park’, you will find that great comedy can be didactic.

The problem my friends identified is not that woke comedy is didactic, but rather that the woke side of the moon has no light of knowledge to impart. Woke ‘comedy’ tries to be didactic and fails because it has nothing profound or interesting to teach.

Comedy is not merely an event that produces laughter. A fart is not comedy (although it could be). The difference between comedy and tragedy is tonal. Both stem from the inflexibility of the ego.

This is why for example Shakespeare’s ‘Much Ado About Nothing’ is such a remarkable comedy. The two people who want to be viewed as most principled in their objection to romance are so easily pushed over into love, because their hearts are ultimately farcical. The hilarity stems from the disconnect between their inner and outer selves.

While the ridiculous disconnect between the ego and reality makes us laugh here, it could just as easily make us weep if the situation were changed. The fundamental difference between Shakespeare’s comedies and his tragedies is the ending. Everyone gets married at the end of his comedies and everyone dies at the end of his tragedies. Yet Hamlet and Macbeth are still felled by their own inflexible egos, just as Benedict and Beatrice are made to be wonderful, humorous fools for love by the same principle of human nature.

Comedy’s didactic nature is even clearer when we look to films like ‘Duck Soup’ or ‘Blazing Saddles.’ ‘Duck Soup’ is a scathing indictment of goose stepping fascism (of the real kind and not the lazy insults lobbed over these days) and arguably the Marx Brothers’ funniest film. ‘Blazing Saddles’ does the same for American racism. Neither is necessarily meant to be interpreted along propositional or pedagogic lines. Regardless, those films teach and they teach well. They expose the absurdities of reliance upon authoritarian government and identity politics to solve our problems.

The problem with woke comedy is that woke comics want to convince people to do the right thing, to hold the right view, in other words to moralise if we want to be considered good people - which we all do. But the politics behind woke politics is fundamentally ridiculous. That’s why it can be so easily used for comedy: their core concepts and assumptions (gender and biology in trans ideology or the darker you are on the colour spectrum, the greater your societal victimhood) are easy to mock.

In ‘Life of Brian,’ the Pythons did not mock Jesus. They mocked institutionalised religion. When Jesus appears, it’s in the background, he only speaks scripture, and his portrayal is markedly respectful. Nothing else in the film is respectful - everything else is treated like a huge hilarity. John Cleese said the reason they didn’t try to make Jesus funny is that they didn’t think he would have been funny.

According to John Cleese, Jesus didn’t have an ego to bruise or be inflexible. Yet Jesus was a complete and humble person. If he slipped on a banana peel and fell, he would have found it just as funny as anyone else. That’s because Jesus was self-forgetful. You can’t mock someone who gets the joke. So you can’t turn Jesus into a joke, because he’s not threatened by jokes.

One of the most enduring theories of humour arrived courtesy of the philosopher Thomas Hobbes. It asserts that humour is ostensibly about mocking the weak and exerting superiority. While this is clearly the function of some comedy – anyone who has flinched at a comic’s lame attempt to poke fun at, for example, disability will attest to this – it’s a relentlessly bleak and far from complete explanation of the purpose of humour. It’s better for a comedian to punch up then down.

So the real question today’s politically charged climate especially in the so-called culture wars (more visible in the Anglo-American world rather than in the rest of the world) is who is doing the punching up and who is punching down?

It depends as each side of the political divide claims the lower ground ie they are the weaker and therefore don’t deserve to be punched down upon but they can freely punch up.

Dave Chappelle’s comedy is the absurdity behind the so-called victim olympics that pervades behind woke culture. So making jokes about people of colour by white people is punching down but, as Chappelle alludes, people of colour can’t make jokes about white men in skirts ie trans because that’s now a greater sin and it would be punching down. In accepting the Mark Twain Prize for American Humour in 2019, Chappelle said a good joke is a finely crafted joke and one designed to offend regardless of one’s feelings or of one’s politics. Victimhood in terms of giving personal or political offence has no place in comedy.

I believe a joke is a joke. It doesn’t matter where it comes from so long as it’s funny. If you laugh, you own it.

I personally think much of our popular culture is overwhelmingly left - from Hollywood to the BBC - I don’t think that should be a controversial statement. It’s nearly always been that way as it attracts a certain kind of creative content maker whose values are liberal in the classical sense. There’s nothing wrong in that because this liberalism of the past didn’t necessarily inject itself into the art except in very benign ways but mainly it just told a damn good story or made us laugh because they told genuine funny jokes (from Python to Blackadder and Frasier to the Simpsons).

I think that’s changed now as woke ideology is increasingly the raison d’etat of a new generation of creative content makers. The message is more important than the craft itself.

Anyway, I digress.

Punching down is a charge of course that has been levelled at Dave Chappelle for his many jokes about different groups who have invested a great deal in their identity and also exert their own social and political power. But does he really do that? I don’t think so.

The mainstream media critics publicly hated his comedy special, but the ordinary audience overwhelmingly loved it (if rotten tomatoes metric score of 96% approval is anything to go by). It’s clear that many in the mainstream media had not really watched the show or gave an accurate account. Indeed the mainstream cultural critics in the US and in the UK prevented its readers from knowing that a debate was even happening, let alone what it is really about. If the argument about gender theory is mentioned at all, it is dismissed as a bunch of “anti-trans” bigots - aka ‘TERFs’ - hurting a beleaguered and tiny minority, for some inconceivable, but surely awful, reason.

As one of my favourite conservative writers (and gay rights advocate) and as an authority on the conservative philosopher, Michael Oakeshott, Andrew Sullivan put it really well, as he always does:

“Chappelle’s final Netflix special, ‘The Closer,‘ is a classic. Far from being outdated, it’s slightly ahead of its time, as the pushback against wokeness gains traction. It is extremely funny, a bit meta, monumentally mischievous, and I sat with another homo through the whole thing, stoned, laughing our asses off - especially when he made fun of us. The way the elite media portrays us, you’d think every member of the BLT community is so fragile we cannot laugh at ourselves. It doesn’t occur to them that, for many of us, Chappelle is a breath of honest air, doing what every comic should do: take aim at every suffocating piety of the powers that be - including the increasingly weird 2SLGBTQQIA+ mafia - and detonating them all.

‘The Closer‘ is, in fact, a humanely brilliant indictment of elite culture at this moment in time: a brutal exposure of its identitarian monomania, its denial of reality, and its ruthless tactics of personal and public destruction. It marks a real moment: a punching up against the powerful, especially those who pretend they aren’t. Bigoted? Please. Anyone who can watch this special and think Chappelle is homophobic or transphobic is either stupendously dumb or a touchy fanatic. He is no more transphobic than J.K. Rowling, i.e. not at all, and the full set masterfully proves it to anyone with eyes and ears.“

I would argue it’s hugely reassuring to see the ‘powerful’ laughing at themselves - in this case the LGBTQ+ community’s more shrill and self-righteous social justice warrior activists that brook no public criticism of their conduct against women and other critics who don’t have the power to fight back and are instead cancelled. It is a trusim to say that finding oneself comical is a token of maturity. It means being able to see one’s faults, without being too defensive about them. This, I argue, was one of the messages of Chappelle’s comedy show.

The thing that intimidates us isn’t actually power. It’s power that looks like it’s going to be inhumane: insensitive, unkind power. So we’re intently interested in things that reveal a mature, kindly sort of power.

Humour often provides a mechanism whereby the powerless (or at least the less powerful) can give constructive but pointed feedback to the powerful. Whether the powerful - in Chappelle’s view that would be the trans and social just warrior crowd - can take social commentary masked as a joke says a lot about their level of maturity.

Humour, as one neurosurgeon sister put it, is a form of psychological processing, a coping mechanism that helps people to deal with complex and contradictory messages, a response to conflict and confusion in our brain. Humour that is in bad taste or cruelly targeted at particular groups may generate conflict, but humour is also our way of working through difficult subjects or feelings. In this sense the comedian’s role is not validate our feelings but to make us think.

In olden days, the idea of the court jester - an officially licensed and salaried comic  - was built on the importance of humour to the mental health of the powerful. Even if in the council room or around the dinner high table, the leading people didn’t feel much like joking, the jester was required to make barbed, witty and perhaps mocking remarks to deflate pomposity and restore sane perspective. The high table may not be occupied by the feudal elites anymore but by a more egalitarian society now.

Who can disagree with the fact that all of us - leftist, conservative, revolutionary, traditonalist, straight, gay, lesbian, bi, trans, different colours and many creeds - are not in need of our inflexible egos and the self-important pompous bubbles we inhabit from being burst open from time to time?

If we live in a world where everyone demands equality, in other words to sit at the same high table, then we also sign up to be equally ‘offended’ by the court jester, however fair or unfair it may feel.

The shrill of cancelling a comedian is not the answer if we find a joke offensive. We have the right to protest. We can protest by...not laughing. It really is that simple.

Thanks for your question.

#ask #question #humour #comedy #go woke go broke #woke comedy #woke #dave chappelle #british humour #society #jewish humour #culture #jokes #funny #humour is the best medicine #personal

[letteredlettered]

Hello! This is a broad question so it's fine you don't feel like answering. Do you ever get tired of fandom and its culture? I feel like sometimes there's nothing but discourse and arguments and just... it can be quite draining. Just wondered I'd ask you since you've been in a number of fandoms for a long time! I'm sure you've seen it all. Thank you for your time!!!

I think the last time I got tired of fandom was over 12 years ago. At that time, two things were true: 1) I was having some personal problems that meant I didn’t have a job, didn’t feel good about it, and didn’t have a lot of friends that could talk about things I wanted to talk about. 2) Fandom felt a lot more centered; it was easy to build communities and become a part of them. As a result, at that time, fandom was my main support network. Therefore, when certain aspects of fandom became unpleasant, I felt I had very few places to turn to. I eventually got a job, a lot more stable relationships, and several types of community. Fandom also dispersed onto many platforms, making it very hard to rely on fandom for social interaction. I still do get annoyed by some things in fandom, but when that happens, it’s very easy to dip into another corner of fandom that isn’t toxic or to walk away completely.

I will say that having participated in fandom for a long time has also given me a different perspective. Conversations about social justice--racism, misogyny, homophobia, ableism--as well as conversations about porn--what gets written, with which characters, what age and sex those characters are, how they’re treated, how this porn is posted and consumed--are conversations that have cycled through fandom since long before I was in it. I’ve learned a lot from these conversations, but after participating in them for years and listening to them for even longer, there’s not much more I can learn from random people on the internet. The same is true for issues with less of a social justice vibe--feedback culture, ship wars, fest etiquette, anonymous behavior, etc--I’ve seen it all before, and while I think these can be worthwhile conversations, I no longer feel a strong urge to participate all the time. Generally I feel like arguing on the internet has a smaller value for someone like me than listening, having compassion, modifying my behavior when necessary, and doing what I can irl and with my friends.

I have more to say about fandom cliques.

The other aspect of fandom that can grow wearisome, besides the cyclical debates, is the cliquish nature of fandom communities, and the way typical group behavior is exacerbated by the very fact of being online. Who is popular, who they like, what they say, who likes whom, who did what to whom, how everyone reacted to it--all of this can feel super important online in a way it doesn’t to me irl. I’d like to pretend I’m very classy and stay above all this, but that would be a lie. I have often wanted, in my fandom life, to be someone who has hordes of fandom friends, who leaves comments on everything they read, someone who recs with abandon, someone who runs fests, someone who replies to everyone and makes new people feel welcome and develops starter kits and makes memes everyone loves and invents all the fanon everyone uses etc etc.

Alas, my own social reticence prevents me from being that fan. I have tremendous problems with routine or anything that needs to be done regularly. This includes but is not limited to communicating with friends or people that interest me or people whose work I like. Basically, all the people who love me are people who are willing to keep reaching out to me even when I don’t always respond. I try to warn people about this and communicate clearly that it’s something I really struggle with, but it is not conducive to making friends.

Additionally, I have found that I struggle to feel a part of communities--partly because maintaining your status in a community means regularly being a part of it, but partly I have trouble identifying with most people. Fannish people share more of my interests than most people in the world, but even among fans, I often feel left out and excluded, an extra thumb on a hand that does beautiful things without me. These social difficulties isolate me, but they do have the benefit of insulating me. The one time I was almost in the middle of a fight about who wanted to be my fandom friend, I had the fortune to be so far out of the loop that I didn’t really know what the fuck was going on.

Anyways, the result of my personality is such that I mostly tend to look at fandom on the outside. I get pretty sad about this from time to time, but the times I have gotten deep into fandom have not gone particularly well for me. Either I’ve felt that feeling of exclusion I’ve mentioned before, or I noticed that others were being excluded--ie, I was for some reason included in The Popular Clique. This makes me intensely uncomfortable, and I’ve extricated myself in situations where I’ve felt that way. Unfortunately, fandom spaces that allow for cliques are also the places where you really get to know people and build community. As such, I really don’t make fandom friends easily. The few I do have are pretty much lifelong friends that I share a lot with besides fandom. My best friend is from fandom. My girlfriend is from fandom. Most of the friends I go to when I need to talk irl are from fandom. My original novel-writing partner is from fandom. These are the people I tend to talk to when I need to talk about fandom, though it can feel very lonely when I have a new fandom and no friends fall into it with me.

This is a long answer to say--fandom is exhausting if you’re really participating to the hilt, but given that I really mostly just write fics and answer asks, most of the time it’s chill. When I get deep into something I might join a discord or do a twitter, but I burn out of that pretty fast--though I sometimes do make friends that I keep forever after.

#fandom #Anonymous

[woulddieforperrytheplatypus]

ok so i have a hc (two technically) that would explain rodney's hatred of doof (and doof's dislike of monogram): Heinz and Rodney dated in highschool after being best childhood friends, but they broke it off before the graduated and have hated eachother ever since. similarly, doof and monogram dated in college, neither knwoing about the other's job, so when monogram found out he was dating a villain and visa versa, he broke it off completely. just wanted to tell someone this, sorry to bother you

YESSSS MONOGRAM X HEINZ IS MY SHIT 

okay now that i’ve gotten that out of the way, here’s an actual semi-coherent response (but not before I tell you that you are not bothering me at all and I live for other people’s headcanons and just general thoughts on the show and I was super excited to see this ask)

it occurred to me midway through the next paragraph that this is all dependent on when Heinz started evil science, and that I can’t really finish writing this without an idea of when that might have happened, so I’m gonna kinda think “out loud” for a second. Absolutely nothing in this paragraph is important if y’all wanna skip it, but I figured I’d throw my thoughts out there anyway because, like, that’s what I do lol. We know he’s been building inators since he was a kid, but that at least his first inator wasn’t evil. We know he wasn’t serious about becoming the ruler of anything during his date with Linda, whenever that happened. We know he’s tried other things, from painting to poetry, before deciding on evil. We know he bought a $15 degree in evil science online, but that he did go to school for it because he had that one professor whose name I can never spell and that I’m too lazy to google. Was he interested in evil when he was in high school? Was Rodney interested in evil in high school? Part of me hopes they weren’t, just because I think it would be hilarious if they dated in high school as average people and then “reconnected” years later through evil science when it wasn’t even an interest they shared when they were together. I’m also interested in the logistics of their childhood friendship, because I absolutely love the idea of young Heinz having at least one person who likes him and understands him and who’s interested in building just like he is, and I have to imagine they both would have been ostracized for their love of building and inventing because Drusselstein is notorious for hating change and inventing is change. But how does that friendship transfer between countries? I can kinda see Rodney also being from Drusselstein, though I almost feel like he would have had to leave when he was younger than 16 because a) if he has an accent (which tbh I can’t tell with that voice lmao), it’s not as pronounced and b) he seems more cultured than Heinz in a way? Like I can’t really think of an example, but he just gives me the vibes of someone who’s been in America since he was younger -- even, like, 13 or 14, which could actually fit with the timeline if Rodney’s a year or two younger than him: Rodney left first, and Heinz was tricked by his family into following him a year or so later. They reconnect in high school and get together then. Idk, I feel like there’s a lot to think about there and I’m definitely gonna give it more thought because this is a really interesting concept. Anyways, side rant over and we’re back to where I was before I got sidetracked and put the side rant on top.

I’m not gonna lie: the idea of Heinz and Rodney dating has never occurred to me before, but now that you’ve said it I am living for it. I mean, there is absolutely no way they started hating each other so passionately without some sort of behind-the-scenes drama, and a lifelong friendship-turned-relationship gone sour would explain so much. I mean, this isn’t just your average breakup. It’s not even your average bad breakup. This sounds more like someone you thought would be a lifelong friend stabbing you in the back, and of course they would never let that go. I do find myself wondering what went wrong, though. They definitely treat each other like they think the other one wronged them, so whatever it was had to be a mutual thing. I’m open to hearing theories if anyone’s got any 👀

I love the idea of Monogram and Heinz dating in college. There’s definitely something going on with them, because I definitely can’t see Monogram paying attention to any other evil scientist as much as he does Heinz. I mean, he assigned his best agent to the guy and everything. I don’t know if Monogram actually went to college (?) because he did that stint at The Academy™ but I can lowkey see Monogram going to The Academy™ and Heinz going to Evil Science School™ and they meet somewhere (maybe The Academy™ sends their recruits to the local college for their pre-reqs and they met during calc class or something idk) and hit it off. I have absolutely no doubt that they would hit it off, either; that scene in Perry the Actorpus where they have a friendly conversation until Heinz accidentally starts saying something stupid comes to mind. They’re both very different kinds of stupid, but they’d complement each other. And now that I think about it, I kinda do hope they met while Monogram was at The Academy™ just because I think the absolute best kind of reveal that Heinz is evil would be him showing up in some capacity at The Academy™ (maybe the evil science majors take a group “field trip” to The Academy™ every year so both the evil science majors and The Academy™ recruits can learn about their natural enemies) and Heinz and Monogram just see each other and they’re like 0_0 Heinz would absolutely be willing to try to work around this (I mean, just look at how he treats Perry. The line between good and evil is very distinct, but he’s more than willing to ignore it) but Monogram would end things immediately, and that would break Heinz’s heart piss Heinz off so much that he would absolutely hold a grudge against Monogram for the rest of eternity, and Monogram would have a special focus on Heinz, too, just because of their history.

tl;dr I am in love with these headcanons and would absolutely be down for hearing more about them if you (or anyone else) has anything to add

#it's 4:00 am and i just spent 45 minutes on this ask for no reason other than i could lol #i should probably go to bed #look i have an ask #pnf #heinz doofenshmirtz #major monogram #rodney #Aloyse Everheart Elizabeth Otto Wolfgang Hypatia Gunther Galen Gary Cooper von Roddenstein #shoutout to tumblr for remembering that whole tag after seeing me type ''aloy'' lmao

[nadineeb]

Hey, it’s Nadine and this is my first blog!

Welcome my dear readers to my first blog post! I want to extend my arms to all of you for reading this blog and the future ones. I’m delighted that I found this platform on the internet which makes me give a stand and voice on things that matters to me and the people around me. All the blogs that I will post here at Tumblr are only my thoughts and opinions. If we don’t have the same stand regarding a matter, feel free to exit. I believe that we all have the right to express ourselves with utmost freedom we can have. I hope we all vibe together. -XOXO, Nads <3

Allow me to introduce myself to the blogging world!

I’m Bernadine Bayangos, a teen from a small town in Isabela, Philippines.

A LOT of people I met outside Region 2 and in the upper part of Luzon, they always tell me “Where is that place?” or sometimes, “Isa - what?? I haven’t heard of it before! It really is a place huh?”. Hearing these things I don’t know how to react to be honest.

Most of the time I try to explain where it is but sometimes, I just shrugged them off because some of the people especially those I met who came from well-known cities offend me. They ask me if we got a mall here or just the random, common sense questions.

Let me tell you, yes, we’ve got malls here where we get our stuff from our day to day living. I felt so lucky that we still have to shop at the farmers’ market. It’s available and open anytime of the day. We can find cheap-priced things and foods that are essential to our daily lives. Some grocery store-bought vegetables cost a fortune unlike in the farmers’ markets.

Well as for clothes, I usually go to Manila every month but since it’s locked down, I order online. The Internet + my love for clothes really make a huge difference especially now that we’re locked down in our areas and can’t travel that far.

I grew up with my family and some extended relatives which are way older than me - my grandparents. I learn my instincts from them - self-defense, way of life, how to be smart, and most importantly, my virtues. That’s also explains why I’m a bit talkative.

I want my Tumblr to be my avenue to express things to others which I cannot do since face to face chatting with your dear friends is not really advisable at this moment.

One of my favorite things to do back then and now, is to read books. I can remember when I was like 6 to 12 years old, when we go to Manila, I could never go back here in the province without the 4 big bags of books and school supplies that I bought from a famous bookstore. Thinking of it now, I quite made my dad go broke. Yikes!

Feeding my love for learning, I’m always a girl that is curious about a lot of things. If I’m not satisfied, I will surely ask about it. Though now, that I’ve grown so much, I refrain myself from asking now that I can solve issues that affects me.

I also love travelling! When I’m somewhere near the ocean or the mountains, I feel that I’m at peace. Not much of a city girl, that I’m tired of being it since then. My favorite place to visit here in the Ph is Cagayan de Oro and its nearby towns. The Dahilayan Adventure Park which has the longest zipline in Asia. You can also visit the Del Monte pineapple plantations and see acres of pineapples while eating a medium-rare steak at their restaurant. If you’re also fond of adventures in line with having to see the beauty of nature, I highly suggest to visit this place!

The people, they are heartwarmingly hospitable. In the hotel we stayed, Limketkai Luxe hotel, the accommodation was amazing. Also, I love to stay there every time because when mom and dad leave me for meetings, there’s a backdoor and an overpass which leads to the entrance of the shopping mall. How I miss!

Cagayan de Oro also holds a special place in my heart because as what I’ve said earlier, I’m fond of reading books whether it is online or a hard copy one. I’ve read the Montefalco Series on Wattpad by Jonaxx, the author, I’ve fallen in love with the place immediately. I feel like one of the main characters whenever I go to CDO.

When I travel I always tend to adapt to the cultures of the place I’m going. It’s a sign of respect to the. Being able to mix in with the crowd is a great advantage for me in the future especially that after I finish my studies, I want to go abroad to master my skills. That’s why I’m always day-dreaming at things that may be going on for the next few years of my life.

After 10 years, I will be 26 by then, I suppose I’m with my family in Australia by then. I’m working as a business associate while studying law at one of the prestigious schools in Victoria.  From then, I can continue to work at the Parliament of Australia in Melbourne. I may still be single by that time, busy building my career, and play with my cats at home after a stressful day.

This is me at the Parliament.

Let’s talk about the 2019 Corona Virus disease that had struck our world last months. I can say that it’s getting a lot worse that I had imagined. I know that our scientists have done great work in finding solutions to this. Money isn’t everything once you’ve get a hit by this virus. I myself can prove that.

I have this auntie who is a doctor and she’s very successful in her field. She even had one of the biggest shares at a hospital but then things got out of hand, she had the disease. There’s nothing she can do except to lie down her bed, get better, fight for it so that once she gets better, she can continue curing her patients.

My grandfather’s cousin, a former senator of the Philippines, also died from this virus. I’m proud to think that he had served our country well, but I’m devastated that he had to die this way, I didn’t even saw his last moments nor his dead body. He is immediately cremated and left the hospital bill with millions of pesos.

This shows that even the strongest person, the most kind, the rich, the nobody – can’t get away if we all are not taking care of our own health. We should love our body more! Think about ourselves more!

Before this pandemic, I did not have this realizations yet. I realized that more than taking care of our body, we should express to our loved ones how we care and love them dearly. We never know when death comes our way. Yes, we do know that we can’t escape it but the thing is, we know that it’ll happen and we can’t accept the fact the God will take them soon. I think that’s the problem, we, people, tend to just shrug it off and don’t make the best out of someone that we love because they will stay, what we can’t accept is that they will stay but not forever. That is why we have regrets.

(one of my best times before this outbreak)

Indeed, life is short as they say. If you’re dealing with your what ifs’ I recommend you don’t. Just make it happen. If you don’t, you’ll spend your life thinking about that `what if’s’ it’ll only make your life nonsense. So for me, I’d rather do it. If it fails, stand up again, fix yourself, and go on. Instead of letting yourself not doing it because of what might happen on the way. Your happiness depends on you. Choose it. Don’t wait for the things  to happen right before your eyes. Act on it and make it happen.

My first blog is a bit long now and I’m getting emotional, I’ll have to say goodbye for now. I’ll see you on my next one. Ciao!

#firstblog

[ashlip-arts]

pl

1. If waking up is the only thing you can do, worry not.

Do not feel sorry if you’re feeling lazy today or you don't feel like accomplishing anything, there’s still tomorrow. And in today's time, what matters more is you wake up because it's a sign that God has given you another shot in life. You have your own pace to do everything you need as long as there’s a goal in your mind.

  2. People will come into your life unexpectedly.

Some people will drop by your life and will make a big impact on your life. They may be people who are strangers to you, but as the quarantine extends for a few more months, they become someone who'll make you smile. You shared the ups and downs of each other's lives, the incomparable laughter shared, and for once, once this is all over, you decided to meet up and that’s okay. Cherish the moments and experiences throughout your journey with every person because someday, in those ordinary days of your life, you'll remember the people who gave you so much lesson and made you grow as a person.

 3.    Personal health must come first before academics.

Never pressure yourself to complete your academic requirements. Education is important, but so does health, and whenever you feel like doing nothing and you’re feeling off, you can stop what you’re doing. I know time is very precious, but for once, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that it's okay to calm down and relax.

  4. Your family will always be your strongest companions.

Nothing in the world can replace your family, even though sometimes it doesn’t have your best interest in mind. There will be times when you guys are untiringly arguing about the little things, but you have to believe that it’s normal for family members to argue sometimes. And trust me, that won't change the fact that they still want the best for you and will be supporting you no matter what. They still love you even though you're being too hard on yourself and you're having a hard time loving your entirety. Even though your family can hurt you in a way no one else can, but during struggles, you can always count on them to nourish you and bring out the best in you, again.

 5. Give time to hone God-give talents.

We are all naturally gifted, and during this period in time, we should also give time to our skills because it’s a wonderful thing to do. Play musical instruments, cover a song, do some artworks, cook for yourself, and even for your loved ones, sing like there’s no tomorrow. You have all the time in the world to hone your skills and to perfect them. Stop comparing your talent to others, as we all have our unique aspects as a person. Never look for validation of others and let them tell you what they like and what they don't. What matters the most is you love what you're doing and you're giving your all to the passion of doing what you love to do. It will all be enough, just enjoy things and keep on getting better every day.

  6. Pain might not what we want, but it is something we need.

 Sometimes life gives you so much pain that you barely hold on and it makes you feel very vulnerable and there will be times that you just wish to end the void of losing someone, a friend, a relative, or maybe yourself. The time you feel that the entire world is on your shoulder, continuously crushing and pushing you to the edge of giving up. But dear, that madness, the pain, will only make you stronger than before, it will bring out a better version of yourself. It will teach you so much and you'll barely know it. Take a deep breath because every person has their struggles and everyone has their strategy to deal with it But dear,Rule of parallelismCrushing and pushing you to the edge— and so are you . Time passes by and the pain will eventually stop, so hold on. Life isn't about the destination, it's about the journey.

 7. Time is a big factor in life.

Have the wounds healed and the scars of yesterday's struggles have now become unnoticeable? After the encounters of everything that broke you in the past, the people who hurt you and left a scar on you,  suddenly you begin to see a better version of yourself and you feel so much better than before. Even though some scars are still visible, it's fine. Remember, warriors got wounded in battles. The scars will be reminders of his bravery and fortitude.  Time may not undo the things that broke you, but it also reminds us to heal not for them, but ourselves.

 8. Taking care of yourself must become your priority.

During this quarantine period, taking good care of yourself is a must. No one else can do the relaxing for you. Have fun with those little things you do in your bed at 3 in the morning, sing along while your favorite OPM song is playing, take your time in the shower, or maybe try cooking something you saw on the internet, or maybe your favorite dish. Enjoy being yourself at your home. But as much as there's leisure time, never forget to work out as exercising makes your body look better and will help your immune system to be stronger. Get enough sleep and always stay hydrated.

 9. Prayer is powerful.

Filipinos are culturally religious and one part of that is praying. Filipinos are known to be prayer warriors. And during the hard times like this, we always come to Him, to lean on to Him and believe that He's in control of everything that's happening. Praying also is a way to communicate with Him, and talking to Him will give you a lighter heart, and the belief that you'll overcome everything will be existent. Individuals seek His guidance amidst the crisis, asking to save everyone who is infected, the medical experts, the victims, the Filipino people, the entire world. Maybe God is not answering right now, but believe that He, always, has a plan. Believe that He's in control of everything and things will get better in time.

 10. Anxiety and crying are normal.

 Everyone breaks down and cries, just for various reasons. But during this time, the anxious feeling and the urge to cry is common. It won’t make you less of a person if you cry. It’s alright to break down sometimes. It's not a sin to feel sad and feel like the world turned its back on you. Don’t feel sorry for yourself, it doesn't mean that you're weak. Crying won't make you less strong. Letting those tears fall down your face is helpful to ease the pain and the burden you're feeling because life may be unfair to you or your order online just got canceled. Always believe that it's fine to be sad. Sadness is temporary, it is a normal feeling. You may feel like you failed, but hey, you did not, you learned.

11. Boredom will never be an excuse to hurt yourself again.

We are in the quarantine period and of course, everyone is bored and so is your ex-lover. Just focus on yourself and think that he's part of the past now. Move forward in life and see the great things that lie ahead of you. As the famous quote says, "There's a lot of fish in the sea". And you don't have to worry about love. Love is everywhere, and love doesn't need to be a romantic kind of love. If a person cares about you and loves you for who you are, they will want you to grow, be successful, help you become a better version of yourself while you guys are making what you have grown. Know that in the end, the world will always find a way for you to meet the perfect person at the perfect time. Just trust God's timings. Breakups might be stressful and might damage you so much, but someone will come to help you always remember your worth.

12. Pessimism and stress must not be entertained.

  Although life is full of drama, it will continue to happen and the only choice we have in life is to never stop living because we have only one life. We only have one precious chance to live our life to the fullest. And stress must nowhere to be found in that single opportunity. Enjoy every little thing you do and figure out the things you love the most. Always look at the positive side of life.

 13. Love yourself more than you love anyone.

My mother always reminds me to not lower my standard to anyone, especially in love, because in this world, there this one person who will do everything to love you and while waiting, love yourself more, so that if that person comes, you know how to act maturely and how to reciprocate the love your partner will give you. Love your flaws and embrace your insecurities because thinking about them will just eat up too much of our time and will fill our minds with negative thoughts. But those things don't define us, it will never summarize our entirety. Instead, turn your weakness into a strength so that no one will use it against you.

14. The past doesn’t define who you are in the future.

Mistakes are lessons in life that will make you become a better person. If you’ve made a lot of mistakes in the past, it doesn’t make you less of a person. Although our past reminds us of who we were before and the people who we have been, use that to fuel you and prove that what you've done, doesn't count on what you'll become. You are the ruler of yourself, you are  the vase of your garden, so take care of your flowers and let your flower blooms beautifully through positivity and love.

15. Your dreams are always reachable no matter what's going on.

 Never give up on your dreams, It’s your ticket that will bring you to places, freeing you from the shackles of impossibility. Look at yourself in the mirror and let go of what's holding you back because you can reach for whatever you're looking up to. Never lose your ability to dream. Be like Peter Pan - he who never held back because your dreams can come true and life will be as colorful as Neverland.

 16. Prevention is better than cure.

We often overlook the fact that we could have prevented this pandemic if we have taken necessary precautionary measures. If we help prevent something bad to happen, we won't be needing a lot of time to figure out how to solve things. But as much as we prevent these things from happening, there will be times that God will test us. It might not be what we want to happen, but His plans will always be better than ours.

17. We take a lot of things for granted.

The dusted books in your bookshelf are now being read. The clothes and the pajamas you haven't worn before are now covering your skin almost twice every week. Yes, we take a lot of things for granted. But as much as the personal stuff we have in the corners of our rooms, there are more out there that we often overlook but are now crucial in this period. What I'm talking about are our front liners. Those are the people in the groceries, the janitors, nurses and doctors, health workers. Admit it, at some point in our lives, we have taken them for granted, but this pandemic changed our perspective in what they can do. After this tough time, never forget to thank them and always value what they can do for others.

 18. Home is and will always be the safest place on earth.

We often time hear the government says stay in our homes, to not go out if it is not essential. As much as we want to go outside, being behind closed doors will always be the best option. Our homes are the safest and best place. Home is our heart’s sanctuary, but also, it helps us grow and foster.

19. This pandemic brings out the best and the worst in all of us.

Some of us discovered how to cook, some of us got into better shape. Unfortunately, a lot of people lost their jobs and worse, someone might have lost a loved one due to COVID-19. In this trying time, let’s do our fair share to end this pandemic. This time made us find ourselves more, but let us not forget those who just lost a part of their life. This might be a tough time for us, but let us always remember to look at the silver linings in everything that's happening.

20. There's no problem that we cannot surpass.

No dilemma in life can stay forever in our lives. We are definitely in the toughest times of our lives, but let's keep on holding on and believe that this, too, shall pass. There's no mountain we cannot climb and there's more to life than being sad. Learn to believe that we can overcome what's happening and know that you are not alone in this battle. Your family, friends, and most especially, the Lord will never turn their backs on us. . Know that any problem that we encounter, we can always find a way to overcome it and it will help us have a better perspective in life.

#writing #spilled-ink #thought #catalog #realization #20 #quarantine #life #lifelesson #lesson #gif #l writes #creativewriting #@ashlip-arts #self-love #self #love #discovery #world #pandem #family #probl #solution

[modern-oedipus]

Rant I think

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

I have to keep remind myself that even though the person I love the most in the world is suffering and is not likely to stop suffering for the rest of his life, it is not entirely my fault and me blaming and punishing myself or thinking about just destroying myself won’t bring them further happiness and I must not take my own happiness away by my own hands... or should I?

I always feel guilty enjoying my life when my dad’s so stressed, but I can’t ever change him to open up no matter what I do; and he always works hard & says I should just enjoy myself and live my life & provides me with all good for that, but then whenever I see him being so upset— for years— and whenever I just... I don’t know. I literally went suicidal because of guilt of existing and being a burden back then, even though he explictly states that it’s his own choice to have kids, that he loves me, that he’s proud of me, that I mean the world to him, etc, and he proved his words thousands of times, but-

But he doesn’t seem to understand I care about him as much as he cares about me.

And I feel so guilty living my life and being happy when he is not.

But I can’t make him happy ornsolve his problems— those are real adult stuff that’s beyond my power.

But when I live my life and enjoy it I feel like I’m being ignorant and I feel so guilty.

When I punish myself for that— emotionally and literally, I end up depressed and not good. And that’s dangerous. Depression is so dangerous especially in such a young age that I am in, so god forbid that-

I don’t know what to do, honestly. I feel so guilty enjoying myself and I feel downright shitty if I don’t enjoy myself. Nothing solves the problem.

The regret and fear is always eating me alive.

Even though there is nothing I can do.

It hs been like this from as long as I can remember my life.

I just want him to be happy, well-rested, and at peace. He wants same for me.

We never get both in once. Bwcause he’s always the one who gives. Always so self sacrificing. I used to think my dad is absolutely perfect but I think that’s very damgerous to give too muxh of yourself even if it’s... family. I’m... grateful of course... how can I not... but then I feel like a parazyte or something....... and I wouldn’t exchange his well being for anything else......... and yet.... I.... uh... my head’s gonna burst. I am just typing because I pushed this thought away so many times in these last days and if I pushed it away again it’d lead a really bad breakdown. I need to avoid that so I need to speak. Not to anyone particularly. Maybe I should seek a therapist. But still. Only place I can apply due outside conditions would he that in myncollege and I don’t think there’s place there. But still. I can’t afford another depression in the years that should be the most fun so I’ll have to keep my mental heath in check no matter what. So I guess it’s better to just write it out— maybe not scientifically most suggested or verified theory but I can’t expect things to be perfect to start working on them.

So yeah.

Basically.

I am so full of love and life and joy nowadays.

But I also feel so undeserving for all or them.

Sometimes I feel smart and beautiful and productive and loved. Mostly.

Then I feel guilty for itntoo, even though I worked so hard for all of them— I worked so hard to understand all scientific shit, not only textbook wise but actual effort to adapt to scientific thinking. I worked hard in gym to get the body I want and I paid attention to my appearance and manners and culture, yet I still feel undeservjngn of beauty aometimes. I overcame social anxiety years ago and every friendship & communication I make successfully are big amazing achievements that may come naturally to extroverts but to me they took hard work. Sometimes, mostly, I’m like, “Wow Nila, well done! Amazing!” Then other times I’m like “Do you even?? Deserve your food?? Or your life??????? Do you even?? Deserve a warm bed when there are homeless people?? Do you even??? Deserve all these friends????? When you’re just?? You??? Do you even deserve enjoying your life when your parents are being quite exhausted and upset to provide for your spoiled rich kid life????” and...... like... this got me in serious depression before which onlynupsetted them further and they couldnt understand what was wrong woth me because they “gave me all”, emotionally and financially. They just couldnt ser that I felt like a parayste that’s sucking life out of them, as if Imm killing them by my own hands, andnidk.

Maybe I’m being too dramatic. Maybe that’s not the case. My parents strictly say they’re proud, that zi’m loved, that itms theirnown decision and not mine, etc., etc. I have no dark past, a clean family with no sad stuff or abuse or anything, and honestly, I don’y know.

I just want to see them happy and at peace too. Thst’s only way I can feel content. But I can’t change them. I can’t control a big majority of the spendings I have. I don’t know shat to fo. Thjs has been a problem for so many years. Itms not sth that appeared yesterday. Sometimes I can ignore. But then the feeling comes back like a ghost. That I’m undeserving. That I must be ashamed for enjoying myself.

I want to tell that it’s a lie, that it’s just a depressed thought and as a scientist I can’t trust a brain in clinical depression cause that’s chemical imbalance. That’s literally what keeps me sane, knowing that depression is a medical condition and any depression triggering thoughts are NOT REAL snd they’re just some medical imbalance of hormones and transmitters so I am just fine.

I’m not depressed, not really, I still feel excited and hupe and happy today. But this thought lingers. I couldn’tbhave afforded to push this thought away for the fifth time in last two days otherwise it’d break me. So I’f rather write it.

I keep telling myself that I am truly deserving to live and enjoy live.

I seriously had to rmeind myself two days ago like “just because you got a bad grade does not validate you starving yourself, you are deserving to eat rven when you are not doing well” tben I did buy myself my healthy food and ate it but...

Can I even... prove that I’m worth it??

Scientificaly??

I know for a fact rhat me trying is a good reason. Me working hard is a good reason. But not an enough reason. I need to be productive. I need to make myself happy. I need to make people I love happy. I neef to bring smiles to faces people I love— I need to get accepted to that project so I can perform researches when I’m off school so I can design drugs and save people so that my life and existence can be allowed and appreciated. I need to write fanfics and news and produce creative content to let my heart out and share joy with friends so we feel happy and alive and connected so it has a meaning. I need to save street animals so I actually have a meaning living my life.

Am I really deserving????

I am, I say myself, but then a voice whispers, but... are you sure?

I again say yes, I’m sure.

So far, I’m surs.

A little hesitant, but tjat must be some invalid creeping thoughtrather than a feality. Sveryone is deservijg of a happy joyful life so why not me??? I’d never say someone is undeserving of happiness unless that someone had an inexcusable crime like murder or something; and since that doesnt really happen in real life i’d sAy yes we all are deserving but...

I dkn’t know.

Maybe I should talk to someoen instead of mindlessly typing.

A therapist sounds nice but not too affordable. I’ll still try on Monday— wait no I hVe a midterm. Tuesday. I’ll try. If it’s not abailable maybe I can try some online therapy which is more convenient. I don’t know. Imm still feeling alive an happy and not detachef which is good but I don’t want this feeling to lead anywhere bigger, if it makes sensez

I just keep reminding myself that I am worth safety and love and joy as much as everyone else is

[dropintomanga]

Do Call Out, But Call Out Responsibly

For a while now, I’ve been trying not to say anything regarding things that happened within the anime community over in my part of the world.

But there’s a few things I want to get off my chest. I was reading a new Otaku Journalist post that made me think about the rise of call out culture. We’ve made a lot of progress in enabling people who’ve gone through horrific experiences (i.e. sexual harassment) to speak out against the perpetrators of those experiences. I think it’s fine as I was a victim of physical harassment at an old workplace a few years ago. I now know what it’s like to have people at the top treat you like you don’t matter if you’re not making bank for them.

It’s just that there’s such a limit to being angry at things.

The post linked above goes into what it means to call someone out. It also says that while it’s noble to do so, the person who committed bad acts will still be around. Do we want them punished for life? When can we accept sincere apologies when the time comes? I left a long comment on the post, which I’ll display it here in full.

“I was reading about moral outrage recently (http://nautil.us/blog/the-c... and the case to to be skeptical of it at times because our biases/subjective morality can lead us to think more about the actions of the person, rather than the consequences. Because it's not like everyone is supposedly dying if the person being called out isn't in a place of power, right? 

Because while the person being called out is a bad person to a certain community, to others, they are good people. No one is truly one-sided. Everyone's both good and bad. I hate how there are forces that try to paint people as if one label defines everything about them (even though there are notable exceptions).

I'm not going to lie and say I'm a good, wholesome person. I've hurt other people in the past. I've said terrible things/comments to people intentionally and unintentionally. I'm just very human. I will admit that being stressed out from so many things in life leads to judgments that may or may not be warranted. But I've been able to be self-compassionate with myself and use that to take reasonable action towards improvement.

Are we calling someone out because we want to be right? Or are we calling them out because there's a greater harm to other people (not just ourselves)? I think about this because I know some people get angry just for the sake of getting angry.

I also feel this kind of debate should be better held offline than on social media. Social media is a nightmare for topics like this because it robs so much nuance & context when we need both more than ever. I think about a Vox article I read about that Asian lady (I apologize for forgetting her name) who writes/edits for NYT and her past making insensitive jokes on Twitter. People called NYT out for the hiring and the article mentions how Twitter only rewards snark more than anything else, which only serves to generate terrible conversations online.

The only thing I can suggest is just stay away from a lot of online noise because most of it is indeed noise that serves to harm users with misinformation. I think you're one of the very few good journalists I know I can trust.

Also, take a listen to this podcast about call-out culture because it has a very nuanced view: https://www.npr.org/2018/04...”

Earlier today, I was reading a Twitter thread from a figure who works in the American manga industry and talked about a moment in the past where they subtly called out a scanlator who wanted to work for them. They showed some moral disgust over the fact that the scanlator worked on stuff that was already licensed and listed it on their resume. 

The figure admitted that they had the sense of power to “whitelist/blacklist” them if they could. Thankfully, that didn’t happen. They realized that because of the inner desire to deliver Twitter snark, they ended up creating a unwelcoming feeling for a scanlator who really wanted to do legit work in an industry they both love.

While I really don’t approve of listing fan translated stuff on resumes for industries that disapprove of that, I know it’s often innocent on the part of those who do that. 

It’s just that I wish more people realized how social media platforms like Twitter aren’t anyone’s friends. They don’t care about you. All they want you to do is make snarky comments and make money from people fighting each other online due to those comments.  I think about what Ursula K. Le Guin said about anger once.

“I know that anger can’t be suppressed indefinitely without crippling or corroding the soul. But I don’t know how useful anger is in the long run. Is private anger to be encouraged?

Considered a virtue, given free expression at all times, as we wanted women’s anger against injustice to be, what would it do? Certainly an outburst of anger can cleanse the soul and clear the air. But anger nursed and nourished begins to act like anger suppressed: it begins to poison the air with vengefulness, spitefulness, distrust, breeding grudge and resentment, brooding endlessly over the causes of the grudge, the righteousness of the resentment. A brief, open expression of anger in the right moment, aimed at its true target, is effective — anger is a good weapon. But a weapon is appropriate to, justified only by, a situation of danger.”

If we become angry enough to become racists, harassers, and bullies ourselves by stooping to the level of those we dislike, then what exactly are we fighting for? If you call someone out, but feel that you don’t deserve to be called out if you’ve actually done something terrible (and the proof’s right then and there), you’re not better than those you called out.  That’s why I always say that I’m both a good and bad person. I think I’m right about most things, but I know I’m full of shit about some things. And you know what? That’s okay. Being aware of my own faults (without self-hatred) gives me the opportunity to learn and make much-needed changes.

Call out culture is going to be more prominent, whether anyone likes it or not. The only things I can tell anyone who feels compelled to call someone out are (with additional help from therapy or counseling).

1.) Forgive the person/people who hurt you. Here’s why - if you let them have a presence in your mind, it will be a big distraction in your life. You will be filled with nothing but hate. We all know hate does when you just keep reinforcing it. There’s also a big misconception in that forgiveness means letting that person off the hook. It doesn’t mean you forget what they did. Forgiveness means “You know what? You did some terrible things to me, but you’re a person like I am. I’m just not gonna let the thought of you ruin my state of mind and take over the joy I want to get in my life.”

2.) Slow down. Everyone wants to jump to conclusions ASAP. I wonder what happened to stopping and thinking about the actions of others and how they come about. There was a scene I remember from the game Persona 4, where the heroes were trying to deliver justice to a proposed suspect in a serial murder case (which was the major plot point). Everyone was acting on edge due to a close associate of theirs on the verge of death. The leader of the gang knew something seemed off, slowly voiced his concerns, and then yelled at his friends to calm down. One of my favorite lines from this sequence is something I’ll always remember.

“Failing to understand and failing to listen are rather different things.”

Listening with the sense of understanding is a soft skill that’s lacking these days. The thing is our minds are not built to handle the fast nature of culture. The rapid spread of ideas have outpaced our ability to process things. That’s a big reason why you see so much conflict.

If you still feel the need to call someone out, do it for anyone who’s been hurt by that person, not just you. Don’t be the only one who benefits. Share the wealth. Do not be tempted by profit over purpose.

I think that’s all I have to say other than if you’re angry about every single thing/person that’s hurt you, there’s nothing worth being angry about at all.

#mental health #anime community #fandom #psychology #anger #call out culture #calling out

[autonomousbosch]

An Authentic City

The thought of meeting total strangers from online spaces has always seemed a uniquely terrifying prospect to me. Perhaps because of the anonymous culture in which I spent most of my time, social spaces have always had a speculative disconnection from reality, either due to pseudonymous or anonymous nature, that encouraged either a looser definition of reality or a heightened critical interpretation that suspends a great deal of ideas and concepts in a column full of at best dubiously accurate information. Reading things in a manner which holds that they may or may not be real forges a very bizarre scrutiny as welcome trade-off for allowing people to escape or at least make voluntary certain aspects of their existence. Even if something is lost in terms of identity, something is gained in the amount of new flexibility to experiment in ways that would otherwise be denied.

In most cases I think this is a healthy state of affairs, to take people seriously but maybe not literally. To care less about the physical form or immutable characteristics of the agent delivering information, or even ignore the ethical components in which some incongruence might cause a critical disconnect in a more physical space. To many people I think such a thing is a great liberation, to explore components of your character or interactions with other people that you could simply never have access to. 

Such is definitely the case with me. There are certainly elements I do not feel privileged or afforded in person that, without online communication, would simply be lost to me. Downwind of this is a deep concern that perhaps I’ve established some ostentatious front, some unreal impostor doing all this communication with total strangers who at best I hope to call friends. It should go without saying that in many of these instances, all that people tend to have access to are handles, forming brands; social media effigies and facsimiles in place of the tangible, observable features of their personality.

Absolutely stricken with this fear, I set out to conquer it Friday morning at 9 AM, but actually it became 10 AM. It turns out I also needed to let the dogs out before leaving and had forgot about this, so 10:30 AM. From where I live, it’s two hours and some change to Charleston, South Carolina, where I am meeting the second Jewish person I have ever met.

Opening Up

The details of the trip there were largely forgettable, the usual exorcism of nervous energy through listening to powerviolence and biting my lips or blastbeating my hands on the steering wheel barreling down the interstate at 80 miles per hour. Managed to arrive a small little coffee shop right at two or so hours in Charleston, a city I’ve never actually spent a ton of time in as an adult. Cities are extremely large and noisy, very busy. The sheer number of bodies moving through, in and out of them confounds my want for a relative intimacy. There is a paralysis to it all, that the small stretch of land I know so deeply is taken from me and replaced with a paralysis brought about by an over-stimulation of sorts. 

Somewhat still frightened at what things will be like, I walk in and have the sudden realization that we could not be more obvious as strangers demystifying some curious affect. There is a handshake, a smile, and a plea to go to the restroom. I shake some jitters off and greet Jay again (obviously Jay is not his name, but it’s his name for all intents and purposes). He offers me an espresso while I’m still in a quiet shock and of course I accept, I’ve never had an espresso before. 

We sit down at a small wooden bar facing out to the road and begin the process, making small talk the way normal people would. Maybe? The circumstances certainly don’t feel normal, a bit more naked than that in a way. There are things I’ve only ever typed simply because there is no incentive to say them out loud. A great number of things it occurs to me, never before have I felt so silly constantly mispronouncing things I love to chit-chat about or analyze in pseudonymous spaces. 

Jay’s demystification was also quite fun for me. I settled on wearing pineapple pants very much ahead of time just to make sure I was easily spot-able, on the other hand Jay was very obvious in a way that’s difficult to describe. Even down to the way he held his cigarette while smoking, it was obvious he wasn’t from around here.

We talked about our brothers and then about our families, when Jay told me about his parents and how his interest in psychoanalysis were no doubt cultured from youth. I think about epistemic lineage, how the things most people consider or think about have a highly cultured and traceable structure, and how this accounts for the lack of incentive to talk about anything deep or meaningful around my usual haunts, the places where I’m real. 

I’m discovering, slowly albeit, how good it feels even though I must seem pretty silly about things. After noticing the ideas I share in common with Hannah Arendt, something Jay had inadvertently introduced me to less than a month earlier, we read pieces of The Human Condition (I believe it was) on Jay’s tablet.

Out comes a small wooden plank with a shotglass full of espresso and a small glass of water. I instantly reach for the espresso when Jay tells me that the water should go first. For cleansing the palate obviously! 

Obviously, huh. Quietly I begin considering the depth of things that aren’t obvious to me. Jay is a very cosmopolitan person while the list of cities I’ve set foot in could probably fit as fingers on two hands. In fact, perhaps nothing could have articulated the contrast between two people quite so well. I’m very intensely self-aware of an unsophisticated classlessness that might seem like some sort of self-abasement to others but to me very much feels like just how things are. I do not travel, I do not read. I don’t really have much of an education to speak of. When I bring this up, people say that stuff doesn’t matter but this awareness is something that I don’t think is motivated by any kind of resentment, as I’m certainly not resentful of Jay. With a near immediacy I feel a deep sense of relief that I immediately love Jay. It’s just that there is an articulation I don’t feel like I have access to, a finite number on the experiences I will ever have to glean insight from or develop some kind of feeling on. An acknowledgement that at the root of humbleness is humility; a life lived in perpetual embarrassment at how much greater the world itself is than any singular person.

We go on about minutia and I feel so great finally getting all these words out of my mouth to smooth out the difference between whatever I am digitally and whatever I am physically. 

Authenticity

We arrive at a southern BBQ joint in Mount Pleasant just outside of Charleston. I’m even less familiar generally with Mount Pleasant but that doesn’t really matter, the idea is that no visitor and much less a friend could leave the south without experiencing authentic southern barbecue. 

In the American southeast, the only region that has truly figured it out, barbecue is pulled pork (sometimes pork shoulder, but best when it’s a whole hog), smoked and covered in a vinegar-based BBQ sauce which is, like all good things, created to taste. Being the lovely day that it was, I selfishly opted for us to sit outside. We roll over the menu and discuss beer and food, and in the process a waiter approaches us in one of the most puzzlingly aggressive manners I’ve seen in quite some time. It’s almost a caricature out of some film the way he stands, delivering the laurels of this restaurant as an imaginary photographer would zoom his imaginary camera directly onto his eyebrows, straightened with a purposed fury as he informs us that this place was rated the number 2 restaurant for southern cuisine in all the land.

We place our order for beer and food and our waiter scuttles away, after which I remark how bizarre it is for a genuine southern restaurant to have British staff, as clued in by his accent. 

I tell Jay the same thing I’m writing now, that this is doubtful because authenticity itself is such a strange concept. For southern BBQ, it’s much more likely that the authentic thing would be had by a merchant with a portable smoker on the side of the road of any given main street. What I’ve discovered since is how much more I had to say about authenticity. What I couldn’t articulate then, the thing that struck me so odd about our waiter, wasn’t that I have no faith that a British chef could not produce authentic southern cuisine but that authenticity is dubious itself, something I feel much more intensely and immediacy as we talk.

I had been scared for days leading up to then that I have constructed some version of myself that is if not a lie to other people, than a certain smoothing of the reality of things. People message me for advice lifting and exercising when I’m still a pretty overweight guy, all things considered. Maybe they wouldn’t do such a thing if they saw me. People talk to me about firearms, things I’ve owned and been intimately aware of for perhaps three years now. People talk to me about all manner of things I would never interject into reality, because I have no real confident voice in basically any of it.

Online I am allowed a layer of sincerity and affection I simply don’t have access to in reality. In no way am I less interested in these things, in learning about people, in empathizing with them or engaging with them. There is no irony to it, no disinterest in the aesthetics I commit myself to. I love Jay because of the contrast between us, because Jay can help me articulate things in a way I never would’ve been able to; to pattern match the observations I’ve had on my own to the language the institution itself has. Even beyond this, Jay is a powerful ally in that even though my core convictions aren’t always able to articulate, he is perpetually at the ready to really understand me even if the things I’m saying are frivolous (they might be! they usually are!).

Just like me, I have zero doubt from the killing intent our waiter had that what he is doing is not done simply out of a coerced obligation. Just as I can confront this now, I can also confront the reality that there truly is no separation between different versions of me. I am no impostor keeping up a facade I’m uninterested in when finally given flesh.

Contrast

Jay is an exceptionally well-read person. Maybe he wouldn’t describe himself that way, but this is what you’re going to appear to people who are functionally not literate.

We set out on foot (people do this in cities right?) to a nearby coffee shop, on the way I enjoyed the ways in which Jay illuminated how much of the thoughts I had about serious things had some psychoanalytical phrasing or framing, a comforting revelation in a number of ways. It turns out that in many ways simply thinking something in solitude is agonizing, the chance to share them and, what’s more, discover a great well of corroboration is no small gift and, if even for the moment, I’m happy to have received in part. 

I got a macchiato. I’ve never had one before of course. Jay tells me that the perfect macchiato should have an excellent balance of bitterness, something which I can’t possibly know and doesn’t really have any bearing on how delicious it was and how much I needed it in retrospect.  

The one instance I remember quite vividly however was perhaps the most revealing. We were discussing psychoanalysis and repression, and I asked Jay outright if he thought that repression had some relationship to metacognition. I’ve since realized I have developed an awful knack for picking out particularly interesting things people will say and then immediately interrogating them about it with an intent stare waiting for a reply. I don’t mean to be intimidating, I just dislike letting interesting moments pass unseized. His response was that he had no idea, that it would require a much more in-depth familiarization with someone and that this knowledge needs a certain amount of consent from the subject. It’s reassuring considering the nature of psychoanalysis, but what I’ve since wished I would’ve said after this moment where Jay looks out across the deck is that I feel a remarkable amount of insight from the distance between us. 

I care primarily about art. Not in the classical definition of things, but in the inherent artfulness of the world itself. I feel a deep conviction that people can do very little, take very few steps and interact with very few people without creating narratives of some nature, and that the best any person (projection, read this as me) could hope for is to be at the heart of as many beautiful ones as possible. To be a wonderful friend, a warm person. These are things I don’t consider myself now and certainly have a hard time meeting the standards of as much as I should, but they influence and inform my relationships with people so deeply that I would be remiss not to mention it.

Even in a pragmatic sense, I feel very much like an artist too inept to properly express himself at anything. I adore artists as I’m jealous of their singular dedication to one thing above the many joys of creation given to people. If I have arrived at any single correct thought, any astute observation, it stems primarily from this. Regardless of what else I am confronted with, nothing will make as much sense to me reflexively as art itself.

I feel this relative difference between us in small tokens throughout any conversation. When we talk about resentment, I feel it’s a problem of removing people of a call to action and creation while Jay reads it as part of a cognitive system. Both may be correct, but my observation is motivated by wanting people to explore and articulate themselves unencumbered. When Jay considers psychoanalysis to be something too strong to be engaged in without consent, I see art itself as something people simply don’t have the option to opt out of in the first place. Psychoanalysis has a rich canon of materials to draw from, but fiction and artifice have always held a unique position above all else; in many ways it’s through artistic and creative expression that we make us and pay tribute to the rich history of thought itself. Building an AK47 will remove the necessity of much of Mao’s work, much of Joseph Campbell’s bibliography is easily derived from mythical texts themselves. 

There is no feeling of these positions being at odds however, more a wonderful revelation of how well the two work in concert with each other; how easily the conversation sways and meanders without any hint of irrelevancy in sight. 

Friendship

Walking with Jay along the streets of Mount Pleasant to a used book store, he is sharing with me small bits of Lacan who seems like a pretty interesting fella. We talk about the development of bants in the western canon, which is the first time I ever mention Titus Andronicus out loud. 

We arrive at the bookstore which could not be more adorable, kitschy wallpaper on the glass resembling piles and piles of books hiding a store that is piles and piles of books. Of course I walk in with the desire for two books in particular, while we both silently separate to browse the bibliography on offer.

I do not find what I’m looking for, but I do find interesting artifacts my friends have enjoyed. While browsing I realize the necessity of these people who are newly revealed to not be internet strangers. They are real people. In front of me sits a series of novella-length writing by Albert Camus and I’m immediately reminded of the treasured relationships I’ve managed to cultivate somehow. The serious people I am obscenely happy to have had become an influence on my life, the cultivation of my person perhaps none of them are aware of regardless of my attempts to explain to them. Albert Camus, Virgina Woolf, Leo Tolstoy, I grab this list of books eager to learn more about the aesthetics my friends cling to so tightly that I might learn more about them.

Just as I make this consideration, Jay approaches me with the cutest pulp scifi book telling me that perhaps I’ve got too much and perhaps I should consider whether these are books I feel like I should read or if they’re books I’m genuinely interested in. I of course immediately ignore this advice.

Parting

I don’t know how to start things and I don’t really know how to end things. After making a decent trek back to our cars and a somber realization that work calls the very next morning, we decide to leave. I was determined to hand Jay a token of the south, some coffee I’ve come to love recently that he could only get from here, hoping he enjoys it. He tells me that we should meet again and, embarrassingly, the thought had never occurred to me. Something about this instance did (and still does) feel positively magical, that such a thing could happen twice was simply not a consideration. Of course I said yes! He suggested I visit New York City, which of course I said yes to!

What I realized parting, more than anything else, was how much time I had spent worrying when I should’ve spent time preparing. I didn’t think to bring shoes to enjoy a match of tennis, I didn’t think about the things most prescient to talk about with one of the most influential people in my life. The feeling of a deep frustration with the lack of time to be free to engage with the people I cherish and the things I hold dear, the accomplishments I want to make in no small part thanks to them. The question of authenticity, the real me is illuminated by the people I choose to become my treasured peers, influences that compel me to refuse to leave the totality of my passion inert and left to wither in an environment devoid of stimulation. There was never a separation between the person I felt I appeared to people and the person that I am, only a figure lacking definition and much magic is stored in that revelation.

Of course I simply can’t be done seeing their faces, hearing their voices, picking at their brain in a bizarre manner in which nothing has changed; the only people who exist then are the people we choose to hear. We are something old constantly becoming something new, and regardless of the influence we claim little will change us more in the long run than the influence we exert on each other. It’s precisely the indulgence of these influences that I deeply desire, more than the answer of the dubious nature of authenticity itself. 

#male friendship #internet meetups #random #offtopic

[kaiofmotunui]

Cups & Cakes | TIKAI

Who: @tiaisms & @kaiofmotunui

When: Tuesday, August 13th

Where: Alice’s Eat Me Bakery

What: While on an outing to obtain some sweets, Kai runs into his ex girlfriend at Alice’s, which is great because he has some pressing questions to ask. 

Kai had walked into Alice's, grabbing a box of pastries for his movie night with friends in a makeshift attempt to make his summer less painfully dull. After that @ pack party, there was really no opportunity for him to perform, and he hadn't been particularly inspired in his music anyway. So Kai had decided to take some time off from that and just focus on his surroundings. He'd taken up a job at the water park just to have something to do, and on his off days, made plans with Ariana and whoever else. As he waited for his order to be ready, he noticed familiar blonde hair walk into the bakery. He hadn't seen Tia since the not-wedding, and hadn't really spoken to her since they'd both become single at the same time. So, naturally, this was...awkward. That didn't stop him from raising a hand to her and shouting, "Hey! Tw.....ia." He shook his head and closed his eyes, prepared to explain: "I started to say Twinkle and then corrected myself halfway through. I know your name is not Twia."

Tia wasn't really much of an alice's eater. Usually she just liked to make her own things or buy them from Tiana's, but after being stood up by the super dreamy prince Leo, she decided she was far too cute to just go home and instead chose to treat herself with a cupcake while she considered ways to lure Izzie out of her gross little love bubble to go shopping or something with her. Tia was wrapped up in wondering if Izzie would fall for fake tears, when she suddenly heard Kai's voice greeting a...Twia. Tia looked behind her, wondering who the heck Twia was, when Kai quickly corrected himself. Scrunching up her nose in an attempt not to giggle, Tia flipped her hair over her shoulder and walked closer to Kai rather than to where she was supposed to put in her order. "After how many years, I'd be so sad for you if you thought my name was Twia...And for me, if Twinkle wasn't bad enough, Twia is definitely a bazillion times worse."

Kai chuckled, before realizing exactly what she'd said. He quirked a brow. "Twinkle was never bad! It's a great nickname. As a nickname, it ticks all of the boxes -- it goes with the first initial of your name, it's based off of an online username you actually had, and it's cute!" He rambled on, before clearing his throat and realizing he'd been going on defending a nickname that he'd already decided to bury. He crossed his arms in an attempt to remain 'cool' and shrugged. "I didn't know you had a problem with Twinkle, that's all."

Tia rolled her eyes and let out a quiet laugh. "I don't have a problem with Twinkle really. Sometimes it was really cute. But other times it sounds like tinkle. And that's a little less cute." Cupping her hands around the sides of her mouth like a child telling a secret, Tia leaned in and stage whispered, "Tinkle is pee." Before straightening back up and holding her hands together behind her back. "Also that username was Sparkle. Sparkle and twinkle are totally different. "

Kai rolled his eyes, laughing. "I know what tinkle is," he nodded with a grin, wondering if Tia really thought she needed to elaborate on that for him. "How are sparkle and twinkle different?" He furrowed his brow. "Wait, let me guess -- diamonds sparkle and stars twinkle?" he teased. The Alice's employee let him know that his order was ready, and Kai was able to take the box of treats from the counter without breaking eye contact with Tia.

Tia shrugged simply. "You never know what people don't know, okay? Everyone has different words for things!" She defended, at a school with people from all different kinds of cultures and euphemisms, it was hard for her to sometimes keep track of who would know about what things. Tia opened her mouth to explain the difference between sparkle and twinkle but shut it just as fast when Kai answered his own question, exactly the way she would've said it. "That's exactly it!" She said, unable to stop a fond grin from spreading across her cheeks. Instead she broke eye contact with Kai and looked down at the box in his hands. "So, what'd you get? I like, never come here, so I have absolutely no idea what's good."

Kai chuckled, shaking his head. Classic Tia. Somehow, after all they'd gone through, they both managed to not change. Well...not mentally, anyway. He couldn't help but notice the two new additions right in the middle of the girl's one-flatter chest, but obviously it wasn't okay to comment on that so he just answered her question. "I got some cupcakes. I'm hanging out with Ari later and we needed some snackage...But -- " he looked over his shoulder at the empty two-person table behind them. Why was he doing this? Was he stupid? Maybe. "-- there's like six in here. We could spare one if you'd like to...share it with me so you can see if they make good cupcakes." He shrugged as if this was just an innocent suggestion.

Tia knew it was probably not in her or Kai's best interest to take him up on his offer to share a cupcake. After all, they both knew full well that she'd tasted the cupcakes from Alice's before, he'd bought them for her after all. And as far as Tia remembered, they really weren't special enough that she'd actually need to test another one to make up her mind. But Tia wasn't notoriously stupid because of her excellent decision making after all. "If it's not too much trouble, I'd love to share one with you. You have the best taste out of anyone I know, so I'm sure you must've picked out their best ones."

Kai raised his brows as he moved backward into the small steel table and chairs. "Me? The best taste out of anyone? I'm wearing flip flops right now, don't lie," he joked as he opened up the Alice's box. "Alright, we've got some chocolate on chocolate, some funfetti, and some salted caramel. Take your pick." He scooted the box closer to Tia, still getting distracted by her chest and his overwhelming desire to ask about it, but kept mum.

Tia looked down at Kai's flip flops and started to grimace, before holding up one finger as she cut her own reaction off. "Tiana 2.0 is way more chill about style and does not think those are as highkey tacky as I would've a few months ago. So it's not even a lie, ha!" Tia said fake serenely, as she sat down at the table and looked over the cupcakes in the box before pulling one out. "This one is the cutest so I think that means we should do funfetti."

Kai smirked. "Wow. Tiana 2.0 is really a changed woman." He grinned, putting his hands in the pockets of his shorts, trying not to let his gaze soften too much toward her. Even if she had changed as much as she claimed, getting back together would. Not. Be. An. Option. He had to get that out of his dumb little brain. He nodded, glad she'd chosen the funfetti because that was the one he had been eyeing. "Alright, funfetti it is." He lifted it out of the box and took a knife to slice it down the middle. Well..almost. "Well one of these is clearly bigger, so I offer it to you." He held the bigger half out to Tia from across the table.

Tia flipped her hair, dramatically giving herself fake props. "I know right? We stan eeveelution." Tia jokingly bounced in her seat like an overexcited kid as Kai sliced the cupcake mostly in half. Only to make a face as he offered her the bigger half. Even though she had fully been planning on buying one to shove down her face in it's entirety and probably would've picked the big one if given the choice, being offered the biggest half felt totally offensive. So putting on her most polite face, Tia put her hand up blocking the cupcake half. "Bless your heart, Sugar. I couldn't possibly take that one. It is your cupcake and I absolutely insist you get the bigger half."

Kai rolled his eyes with a chuckle. "Fine. Here." He switched the two halves and held the smaller half out to Tia.

Tia giggled smugly at how Kai didn't even begin to argue or even look annoyed, before leaning in to take a bite out of the offered cupcake half in his hand. It probably wasn't how Kai had meant for her to try the cupcake, but like, they were friends, super-platonic-never-gonna-happen-again-totes-caz-buddies type friends, and friends totally ate from each other's hands like a little blonde pony all the time! "Oh my gosh." She sighed happily, rolling her eyes back as if it was the best thing she'd ever tasted, despite the fact that it very much was not, after chewing and swallowing her first bite. "That was so yummy! Wow!"

Kai tried not to let the shock show on his face when Tia just bit the cupcake right there out of his hand. Licking the frosting off of his finger afterward became a very...charged action in his brain because of that. "Well now I've definitely gotta try it after such rave reviews. But it's only fair that I get the princess treatment too." He leaned forward and closed his eyes, letting his jaw drop open for Tia to reciprocate the act. "Aaah," he hummed comically.

Tia instantly regretted her actions as Kai licked the left over icing on his finger. She had no idea if she wanted to lick his finger herself or be the icing, either way it was deeply upsetting to watch. She crossed her legs and tried very hard not to move her face as Kai kept talking like that didn't just happen. Tia rolled her eyes good naturedly and picked up the other half of the cupcake from Kai's side of the table and very delicately shoved the entire half of the cupcake into Kai's mouth. "Here ya go, your majesty!" She laughed, way too pleased with herself as she used her own finger to collect the icing she'd smeared along Kai's top lip before putting it into her own mouth. "What's up with this icing by the way? It's easily the best thing about the cupcake."

Kai , like a dog lapping up peanut butter, chomped down on the whole cupcake half that was way too big for one bite, with attempted grace. He noticed Tia scoop the icing off of his lip and place it on her tongue, and felt his shoulders slump just a little bit with the longing of what they used to have. That used to be such a natural motion -- feeding each other food, laughing over cupcakes...And the worst part was, it was still natural. It just came with guilt now. "Well it's the best part of any cupcake! Though Alice's knows their icing, I'll tell you that much." He sighed, crossing his arms in front of him on the table. "Tia, feel free to slap me square across the face for even daring to bring this up, but it's eating me alive -- what did you do to your..." He vaguely gestured to his own chest, indicating what he was talking about.

Tia: made a face at Kai's statement and shook her head. "Nuh uh, it's totally the cake part. That's why they're called cup cakes and not icing'n'friends or something." She jokingly argued, picking up a napkin to wipe the rest of the icing off of her fingers. Tia had already started thinking up reasons for why she was totally right about the cake being the best part of a cupcake when Kai surprised her by changing the subject to her chest. Glancing down at herself in confusion and then looking back at Kai, Tia chose to play dumb. "To my skin? I got a tan. Duh. All the fun things during summer are outside, so it's kind of hard not to get one."

Kai rolled his eyes before leaning in with a sigh. "If you don't want to tell me, that's fine. I don't have to know anything -- I'm just making sure you're alright." He shrugged. Wearing jeans, hooking up with women, and now a boob job that she wasn't admitting to? Maybe this was some kind of liberation or maybe it was a mental breakdown. "You'd tell me if you weren't alright, right?" He shrugged, leaning back.

Tia rolled her eyes right back at Kai and let out a huffy breath. "I feel like, it's pretty obvious what I did to my chest, Aukai. I just don't think I need to fully spell it out in the middle of a bakery." She replied, making sure every single syllable that left her mouth had 'duh' wrapped all over it. But Kai still wondering about her wellbeing was too nice to not warrant a small smile from her. "You know how I am, of course not. I am actually alright though...swearsies. I just wanted a change that didn't involve trying out things I hate."

Kai nodded, surrendering with arms up. "Okay! That's all I needed to hear," he shrugged. When she swore that she was alright he nodded again, closing his box of cupcakes so they wouldn't sit there for hours munching on the treats meant for him and Ariana, because he knew they would. It was too #Tikai of them to just sit in a bakery eating sweets and talking about boob jobs. "Cool. I'm glad you're doing some things for yourself, then. Self-care and all of that." He sighed, knowing their conversation was coming to an end, but deep down knowing he didn't want it to.

Tia took Kai's remembering the rest of his cupcakes as a pretty clear sign that their conversation was coming to a close and brushed imaginary crumbs from her lap. "Same, being super single is like the best thing that ever happened to me. Even being stood up turned out pretty well since we wouldn't have gotten to hang out like this if I was busy with Leo Fitzherbert." Tia said, reaching out to put her hand on top of one of Kai's, the cherry on top of making sure that Kai knew that she was a) still single, b) still dating, c) still hot and cute enough to be asked out by princes (even if they did also stand her up) and most importantly d) still loved spending time with him no matter what. "We should do this again sometime? 'Cept, next time I'll bake and we won't be stealing from your Ariana stash, kay?" Moving her hand away as quickly as she put it on Kai's, Tia stood up to go

Kai raised his brows. She hadn't mentioned being stood up. "You got stood up by Leo Fitzherbert?" He queried, wondering what kind of nerve that tall hairy guy had to stand her up like that. Then he wondered what she was even doing trying to date that asshole in the first place. But before he could ask any more questions, her hand was on top of his and he instinctively cupped it in his own, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. "We totally should. But hey -- " He stood up behind her, box in hand, and gave her a shrug. "-- If any princes ever stand you up again just call me and I'll teach them a lesson. Cause boy, are they missing out," he grinned earnestly.

Tia shrugged. "It happens. Not to me usually, but it's whateves." She said, not exactly interested in dwelling on it for longer than the 5 seconds it took to say so. "I'll totes keep that in mind, but let's be real. This is def the first and last time I'll ever get stood up. But you're too sweet to offer" Tia giggled, bouncing up onto her toes to peck Kai lightly on the cheek before leaving Alice's, the idea of buying her own cupcake completely out of her mind as she scurried off in the direction of Izzie cottage, praying to God her bestie wasn't busy in her super annoying "love bubble".

#( interaction: tia ) #( feat: tia )

[alexteltevskiy]

Why I take photos

Hey everyone, how’s it going?

I’m back. Been taking a break from social media this past year. Recently moved to SoCal from Chicago and was busy settling in. Also, I took this time to step back and look at where I’ve been and where I want to go with my photography, as well as how I present it online.

I’ve got a lot of fun new content planned and will slowly start rolling it out. Meanwhile, to make up for my lack of updates, this post is chock-full of awesome photos and interesting thoughts on photography. Climb aboard and enjoy the ride!

Throughout this past year I continued taking photos, but I left social media entirely, feeling that it was becoming a bit too much. Too much of a time investment and mental drain, researching & following, using all those silly hash tags… Too much attention being eaten up by a constant bombardment with a never-ending flow of imagery. Too much bots, too much spam & too much noise. Too much “for the likes”. Too much stuff I couldn’t care to care about anymore. Instant gratification and desensitization were the new norm. Even the quality stuff didn’t matter anymore. I knew it was time to jump ship.

But I did miss the things that were actually good about it. There weren’t that many, but still… I knew that it was only a matter of time before I plugged back in again. And… here I am. Meanwhile, my sabbatical allowed me the luxury to think about my photography from the ground up, and think I did. In this post I’d like to share with you some of the fruits of all that thinking: I’d like to share with you the 10 reasons why I take photos.

1. Exploration & adventure

Photography allows me to explore new, unfamiliar places, as well as see the old and familiar places in new light, over and over again. Back in the olden days I used to call it a “Passport to adventure��� (pardon the cheese). And I still feel that way.

Nothing else gets me out the door as quickly as a camera and a fresh new roll of film, and not much enriches a life more than travel.

2. Meeting people

Meeting new people is always fun. It’s a life-enriching experience and helps one feel connected to the greater world. It’s not always easy to connect with strangers on the street, but a camera usually helps break the ice in more ways than one.

Since many of my interests lie in old mechanical objects, having a vintage camera with me actually sparks a lot of conversations to happen entirely by themselves. And at the end of the day, 9 out of 10 people actually feel honored to be able to tell their story and have their picture taken.

3. Family and friends

I don’t need 691 snapshots of what we ate for breakfast every year. I need just a few quality photos that are engineered to stand the test of time and will always bring back the fondest of memories spent with my family and friends.

Quality photography, where I put in the time and effort to make each shot count (ahem, film, not pointing fingers, ahem). It’s rewarding and it makes my relationships feel that much more special (sorry for the sentimental cheese).

4. Recording milestones

Speaking of family and friends, the moments that we cherish most are the ones that deserve their own dedicated photo shoot. Being a photographer transcends into being a historian and keeper of family history and even tradition.

“Production values” are high, trips are planned, adventures are had and lasting memories are made. Photos serve as testament to us and the big advancements in our lives - a big move, getting married, having children…

5. Fueling curiosity

To be curious is to be human. It’s what defines us as a race that’s able to advance and grow. There would be no fire, no wheel, no semiconductor and no landing on the moon and (gasp) no Instagram.

Taking photos for me is a continuation of that fine tradition of discovery. I see, I like, I take a photo. I obsess over the photo and object that lies herein. I learn more about it, wiki-ing about the design decisions on that olive green ’67 Cutlass or the impact of that historic Main St. movie theater on the town or how surfboards are shaped. Or why the moon is sometimes red. Or why Dingbats have such a funny name.

Photography helps me learn more about my world. Always a nice thing.

6. Imagination exercise

Every once in a while I’d take a photo and it would entertain my mind in many not-so-obvious ways. Could happen with a picture perfect landscape or a failed Holga long exposure. It would mysteriously linger in memory for a while, prompting repeat viewing. Often times the effect would be immediately after seeing the photo, other times it would surface years after the fact.

I would be drawn to the photo, get lost in it, imagine myself in it. All sorts of metaphorical thought would crawl into the picture, all sorts of things would form in the shadows and bubble up. Sometimes nostalgia would paint the skies a dull yellow and I’d feel warmth in my toes that I haven’t felt since 17. Sometimes at night, the skyline of Port of LA turns into Port Town from F-Zero and at midday, the sand dunes on the beach turn into a romanticized version of early 20th-century Arabia.

Humans are visual creatures, and photos have the power to play all sorts of tricks on the interplay between imagination, memory and all the 5 senses. Photos help me tie my mindscape together.

7. Giving back

It’s only natural to want to share with the world something that you truly, honestly love!

Photography is a craft that has lots to do with understanding fundamentals, repetition and learning from your mistakes. It also has lots to do with many other things that are not so immediately obvious due to the exceedingly esoteric nature of what makes or breaks a good photo. Not to mention that there’s a very complicated technical side to photography as well, film or digital...

The answers to all of these come with time and experience, and as always, with a little help from our friends. As such, it’s always a humbling and enjoyable experience when I can offer my friends a little help of my own, based on my personal experience and observations.

8. Experimentation and happenstance

Photography has always been about experimenting - seeing what works and what doesn’t. Every time I try something new I am faced with fresh and, dare I say, invigorating challenges.

Sometimes I learn something cool that I’d like to continue doing (redscale or Pen-o-ramas). Other times I find a format that completely changes the kinds of shots I’d do for long stretches of time (half frame or a 6x9). Or I would find a camera so unpredictable that I wouldn’t know how the shot will turn out at all (pinholes, Holgas, solarcams, old soviet cameras, etc).

In the world of film photography, there is absolutely no shortage of film, formats, cameras and techniques to try out. We have, after all, more than a hundred years of photographic legacy to fall back on and tinker with. It keeps things interesting and the perspective - fresh.

9. Getting lost in the moment

This is a big one, especially with film photography. A craft so diverse and expansive that condenses down to a singular moment when the shutter goes off. There’s so much to love, so many details to enjoy.

Starting with the obvious - not having to chimp or preview the photos and being limited by a scarce, diminishing resource (film) allows more time to bask in the surroundings and bond with the moment rather than just keep popping off the camera like a machine gun. Waiting for the moment (or setting up the shot), anticipating the scene, watching it all come together. It’s meditation.

The gear, so varied and spanning such a breadth of generations, each with its own intricacies, procedures and character. The mechanical, tangible nature of control manipulations. It’s all very tactile and ASMR-ish. Come on, all you Leica fans out there - tell me you don’t go through an elation every time that cloth goes sssssshwick, haha )

10. Feeling the passing of time

Photos are like a quality wine - they get better with age (I actually don’t know if that’s true, but that’s how the saying goes). A lot of photos we admire today were received completely different when they were first presented to the world. We look back at the photos from the 60’s, 70’s and go through a portal to that time. How people lived their lives, where they lived, what they drove, how they had fun. It’s all put through the context of history. Same goes for movies, music - any cultural item.

It’s important to understand that your photos, if you choose to keep them around for that long, will be viewed many decades down the line and will offer a glimpse into those times. Viewers from the future will look at the cars and marvel at how people got around in these dead-dinosaur-powered vehicles, or how everyone on the street was stuck staring down at tiny glass screens, or even the fact that the very photo they’re looking at is static, isn’t an immersive 3D experience and has limited resolution.

Things get especially interesting when the photographer himself is the subject of the photos...

11. Cars

Wait, didn’t I say it was 10 reasons? Well, there’s always room for cars! Awesome, timeless automotive examples, each with its own personality and style. As they say, there’s always room for cars...

Conclusion

Sorry if that was too wordy! A lot of reasons, huh? And everybody will have their own… That’s the beauty of this thing called photography - everyone makes it their own. Hopefully this post presented you with some interesting food for thought, or maybe inspiration for your next photo project. Thanks for reading, everyone.

Stay awesome!

#film photography #analog photography #filmisnotdead #ishootfilm #film #fujifilm #kodak #35mm #120 #4x5 #believeinfilm

[weregonnaneedmorewhiskey]

Social Media:Guilty in the court of public opinion. The problem with cancel culture and its toxic nature and why I have a major problem with it

DISCLAIMER: If you read parts of this and not the whole thing and type a “rebuttal”. Just save your time and don’t do it because you don’t the smoke

Ok before I start, I would like to say this. 1. If you are an ignorant person who cannot accept the opinions and thought of others then don’t read this. 2. If you don’t take the time to look at facts, then don’t read this. I don't have time for you and 3. If you are to crucify people then you can just go. I just gave you some warnings already so why is your ass still here?! Ok I have a love/hate relationship with social media. I think social media can be great in terms of communicating with others and making friends online and of course sharing memes and funny videos because those are fantastic. Social media can be great for displaying people’s interests and talents. I myself have a photography blog alongside this one and some people have made a career from social media. However like all good things, it has its ugly side. In the last year or so, a trend has appeared on social media and that's cancel culture. I myself have never taken part in cancel culture myself as I thought it was toxic, immature and petty in most circumstances. I'm definite that cancel culture will come to an end (hopefully this year) but for now, we have to deal with it on our timelines. Anything that is either taken out of context, blow out of proportion or is a simple mistake will face the court of public opinion. The social justice warriors of the internet, the holier than thou folks will decide your fate.

First and for most, we all need to remember that we are all human. We make mistakes and we learn from it. I am not better than the next person as I have made my fuck ups at the end of the day but we all grow and evolve. I have several problems with cancel culture. If a person makes a mistake or has made a mistake in the past, that does not give you the right to ruin them. By doing so you are no better than the person who’s made a mistake and you are ruining a person’s life. Prime example, Kevin Hart and the Oscars. Kevin Hart was forced to step down as the host for this year's Oscars ceremony due to some homophobic tweets from 2009. Whilst I believe that homophobia is wrong, Kevin has moved on from a tweet that he made almost a decade ago in which that comments probably wouldn’t have taken as seriously. Kevin has grown and evolved but the court of public opinion has forced him to step down from the role due to the mass controversy. If you are searching through old tweets from 2009, you clearly have an agenda to ruin a person’s life because you are blinded by your hatred and do not want to see someone have success. This role was an amazing opportunity for Kevin but because of this toxic era of being overly PC, it was taken away because people wanted to hold his past against him and not acknowledge his evolution. 

Now let’s get to how cancel culture is effecting the legal system. We’ve all heard the term “innocent until proven guilty”. In terms of the legal system, this is still true but for social media, this isn't the cause. Cancel culture has pronounced people to be guilty into proven innocent. People are no longer reading the facts, they are immediate to jump to conclusion, therefor inspiring this title “guilty in the court of public opinion” This is extremely dangerous. Social media should have no influence in the judicial system WHATSOEVER unless the person has committed the crime on Instagram Live (a man who raped someone on Instagram Live was recently found not guilty, just letting you know. What a fucked up world we’re living in huh?). When it comes to a case, people need to look at the evidence that has been presented and not from outside influences especially if it turns out shock horror that the person is actually innocent and then they’ve been sentenced to 25 to life. 

This leads perfectly leads into my next point. So if you've been on Twitter in the last 24 hours then you would have seen that Chris Brown was detained in Paris for several hours on a rape complaint. Now before I go into this and break this down, if you are expecting me to drag Chris and call him a piece of shit and xyz, you can stop reading this now because I’m happy to let you know that I am a fan of Chris and have been since his debut. Now when this report broke out, I immediately went and read the whole report because we look at facts in this household. As soon as I saw that the “accuser” had done an interview with Closer Magazine France and went to The Shade Room, I immediately raised an eyebrow because why would you go to a tabloid before going to the police? This rang some serious bells and red flags and reminded of another incident involving Chris.

 Back in 2016, a woman went to TMZ to say that Chris had held her at gunpoint. Again if you were held at gunpoint, then why are you going to a tabloid? Eventually LAPD found out that this was a false allegation and Chris was released from jail and the charges were dropped. Another thought that popped across my mind is that “I don’t think Chris is that stupid to do something like with the amount of negative press he's had in career over the last decade and I can’t see him doing something like especially since he has a daughter who is his life and who has helped him grow up significantly” . Bear in mind Chris has not made a public appearance since October when he attended Diddy’s Halloween party and his public appearance are few and far between now within the last few years with Royalty in his life. He mainly stay at home or is on the road. Paris fashion week is the first public appearance from him in months. 

The accuser then went on to Instagram to say that she was not raped by Chris and he was not even present at the club that it was claimed that they met. Several eyewitnesses also went to social media to confirm that the allegations were false and that Chris never had an encounter with this woman and that he has never been alone at one point during this Paris trip. (PSA can we you know go to the fucking police to give statements to prove someone is innocent or guilty instead of going to social media because you are screwing with someone’s livelihood here!). Of course the court of public opinion came and gave their two cents on the situation and they pretty much proclaimed that Chris was guilty without looking at the facts. 

Now if you are about to say “well look at 2009?” Yes Chris made a mistake which I don't agree with but we also need to remind/enlighten ourselves that the Rihanna incident was A FIGHT and both parties were wrong. She should have not hit him and he shouldn’t have retaliated. (side note: can we hold women accountable of when they are abusive towards men because there is a serious gender bias when it comes to abuse in relationships and we need to remind ourselves both genders can be abusive). He has also evolved from that and showed genuine remorse for the situation. The majority of social media were on Chris’ side in regards to this situation and he was eventually released from police custody when the French police found out the accusations was false and issued an apology to Chris and told him that he was free to leave the country. Chris’ lawyer has said that he intends to sue for defamation of character rightly so and Chris has also gone to social media to deny the allegation. Chris’ situation sparks several different issues. The first being in regards to social media. It is extremely dangerous and toxic to contribute to a false narrative without looking at the fact especially with a charge as serious as rape and even more the silence upon it being revealed that accusations were false just shows how DISGUSTING people can be since many people wanted this accusations to be true. 

This shows the type of world we live in that people WANT a woman to be raped all the expense of not liking someone. I cannot associate myself with people who think like this when they are actual rapists such as R Kelly who is yet to be charged for his NUMEROUS crimes against underage black girls despite concrete evidence and a tape but yet we can arrest Chris on a false accusation and several eyewitness and hotel footage to show that he didn't commit this crime? Kevin Spacey and Matt Lauer are also rapists who careers have ended but have yet to be charged for the crime despite once again having concrete evidence and eyewitnesses. The president of the United States is also guilty of sexual assault and is on a recording bragging about his crimes like its a badge of honour. Brett Kavanaugh is walking a free man despite also having concrete evidence and eyewitness confirming his crime. Asia Argento, a victim of Harvey Weinstein was discovered to be guilty of sexual abuse after a young man came forward about how he was abused by Asia as a teenager. Harvey Weinstein is awaiting trial for his numerous crimes. Why can't the court of public opinion keep the same energy they had for a man who was innocent for those who are guilty. Secondly in light of the Me too movement, to accuse someone of a crime as serious as rape is extremely dangerous to their career and their character, a person’s life can be destroy at the expense of an opportunist. Additionally to lie about rape is DISGUSTING! This is what stops ACTUAL rape victims from coming forward because we have people who lie about it and the true victims aren't taken as seriously as a result. I would also think in light of the Me Too movement and Surviving R Kelly, people would pay more attention to the facts now before we “cancel” people.  Personally I think that if you lie about a offence as serious as rape, you should go to jail and get sued because you are evil and karma will come to you. What if this your brother or your son or uncle or dad etc who was being accused of this crime? How would you feel if everyone thought they were guilty because of a mistake they made a teenager that has nothing to do with what they were currently accused of? Just think about that for a moment. 

To end this I think Chris deserves an apology, one of them being from Eve after her comments on The Talk and that he should not only sue the women who lied but should sue media outlets such as TMZ and The Shade Room for defamation of character and let's remember this: innocent until proven guilty and look at the facts (in this day and age we really need to do this)

Update: Malibu Dollface made a video pretty much explaining everything I feel about cancel culture. Please watch and support him because he’s amazing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ah4ZfxTqT5s

#cancel culture #me too #chris brown #social media #blogger #blogpost

[bucky-my-barnes]

Preference #4: First Date!

Tony:

The two of you walked towards the diner that Tony had in mind, while part of you was so tired all you wanted to do was sleep for a year. The other part was screaming about how you were going on a date with Tony Fuckin’ Stark. “Toby is doing much better by the way, that is the name of the little boy you saved earlier today.”You explained with a bright smile.

“You mean the little boy we saved today, he wasn’t even technically alive when I showed up, that was all you darling.”Tony said placing a hand on the small of your back as he held the door open for you.

“I suppose that is true, but you did get him to the hospital in time for them to actually save his life.”You chuckled following him towards a booth in the corner. The host laid menus down in front of you so you started to look before ordering whatever sounded the best.

After you ate you couldn’t help but get lost in his brown eyes as he spoke about his life and what he had been through. Softly he placed his hand on top of yours breaking you out of the small trance he had caught you in. “The reason I asked you out is because you have a lot of the qualities I admired in my mother. The want to help someone even when it’s not up to you, the kindness I see in your eyes. I really hope that you will allow me to take you out again.”Tony said sincerely as two slices of apple pie were placed in front of you, the vanilla ice cream melting slowly on top.

“I would love to Tony.”You replied digging your fork in happily. Sure you knew of his past, but everyone has one and he was being extremely sincere so you wanted to give him a chance.

Steve:

Steve had taken it upon himself to plan every detail of your date out, the only thing was he didn’t seem keen on sharing any of them with you. Beyond the fact that you needed to bring a swimsuit, you had no idea what he had in store for the two of you. Getting ready you looked in the mirror one last time as your doorbell rang, revealing that he had arrived. Walking out you saw his motorcycle feeling a little bit of fear in the pit of your stomach as you had never ridden one before. Handing you a helmet he flashed you a knowing smile, able to see through to your true feelings.

“Don’t worry I promise I’ll take care of you.”He chuckled wrapping your arms around his waist taking off down the road. It took awhile to reach your destination but when you did, it left you speechless. There was a picnic set up on the beach down by the water, and it seemed you two were the only ones there despite it being a rather nice day out.

“Wow, all of this for me?”You asked in disbelief as you walked towards the blanket sitting down. Not only was there food of all types but there was an expensive bottle of wine that you were sure had to be paid for by Tony because who could afford something like that naturally?

“It will never be enough.”Steve smirked as he handed you over a glass of wine, and a long stem rose.

The two of you talked and ate for what felt like minutes but was probably more like hours. Suddenly he got a glint in his eye that seemed rather mischievous taking you by surprise in that moment. Standing up, he grabbed you throwing you over his shoulder running off towards the water dunking you both below the surface. As you reemerged you splashed water at him furiously to try and get him back, even though you were both already soaked head to toe. Laughing he picked you up twirling you around, the sunset causing a light glow being cast over you the indiscretion quickly forgotten.    

Clint:

When Clint told you to meet him at SHIELD at 6 PM for your date you were curious as to where you were going but it require athletic like clothing and footwear he mentioned. So you weren’t exactly surprised or upset when you found out you were going hiking at some foot trails nearby. Taking your hand in his he started leading the way along one of the paths, seemingly knowing exactly where he was taking you. The conversation was light and fruitful making you feel at ease, but then again you always did around him. Reaching the top of a cliffside you were amazed at the sight in front of you.

The sun was setting in the valley leaving the sky a multitude of different shades of pink, yellow, orange, and just a hint of purple fading into the dusk. “It’s so beautiful Clint.”You marveled unable to tear your eyes away not even realizing he was looking at you with the same fervor.

“You’re right it is.”He said still not even caring about the sunset. “I also brought pizza and beer, I know it’s not the most romantic of dinners but I thought it would be fitting after being healthy and hiking all the way here.”He joked as he pulled his backpack off his back pulling a blanket out setting it down for the two of you to sit. Then he pulled out containers of food, and bottles of beer that were miraculously still cold.

“To future dates!”You declared holding your beer out tapping the neck against his in cheers.

“To many more.”He said with a smirk before taking a drink finally taking in the beauty that was spread across the sky.

Bruce:

Bruce had invited you to dinner and after some debate you had decided you would go to a new local Japanese style restaurant. From the menu they provided online it seemed like a lot of new things that you both had never tried but wanted to. Sure it wasn’t the most romantic of options but you didn’t really need that to have a good time with him. Taking your seat across from him you really wanted to reach up and touch the soft curls lining his forehead. It took every ounce of you not to, fearing that it would make it a little awkward. This was your first date after all, one of many you hoped if it all went well.

The waiter approached with a pen and pad in hand waiting for your order. “Why don’t you just surprise us with your best dishes?”Bruce suggested looking to you for confirmation, accepting your nod. All the different foods were amazing, there wasn’t anything that the two of you didn’t like.

Upon finishing you felt so full that you were groaning playfully holding your stomach. “Good food, but even better company.”You said softly making Bruce turn a bright pink across his cheeks.

“I agree, and I really want to see you again.”Bruce said touching your hand that lie on the table softly.

“You act like you have a choice.”You joked leaning over the table kissing his cheek. “You are kind of stuck with me now.”You laughed making him smile wider than you had ever seen before. It was one that you swore was going to be on your mind everyday for the rest of your life.

Thor:

Months had passed since you had last seen Thor, and you had begun to wonder if you were truly ever going to see him again. That was until Jane called you at five that morning alerting you that it appeared Thor was due to appear any time now. Of course you were there awaiting his arrival when it did happen almost two hours later. “THOR!”You called out running directly for him leaping into his arms happily.

“Lady/Sir (Y/N) I have missed you ever so much.”He shouted loudly picking you up into a bone crushing hug that you would definitely be feeling later. “I have returned to take you on our date or outing.”He said pushing the hair out of your eyes upon setting you back down on the ground. “I have heard stories of this place called a Zoo where creatures of Midgard are contained, I would like to see them all!”He said boisterously.

“That is a great idea, we can make a day of it. I know the perfect place, they will even let you feed some of the animals.”You explained leading him over to your car. “By the time we get there they will probably be open!”You smiled unlocking the door for him before getting in the driver’s seat.

Reaching your destination you felt the excitement oozing off of Thor, making you feel like you were a little kid again yourself. “Let’s go to the petting zoo first, it’s always the best even if it’s for children.”You giggled grabbing his hand dragging him over to where the goats and other animals deemed safe to pet were held.

As the day came to a close you felt so much closer to the God having shared some of your culture with him, then hearing his stories of his family and Asgard. Also you were relishing in the fact that he was now going to be a part of the Avengers and therefore on Midgard more often. It was the beginning of something beautiful, or at least you wanted it to be.

Loki:

Taking Loki’s hand you kept your eyes locked on each other, and it was probably a good thing for the staring that was taking place would have been quite intimidating. Not only were you receiving it from onlookers but from other dancers as well. It seemed that there were many who were jealous of you, and your closeness to the Prince. Smoothly you moved in time across the floor, in flawless actions making you seem almost like you were gliding.

When you finally took in those around you, you began to feel a little out of place truly wondering if you were good enough to be dancing with Loki at all. Quickly he pulled you in closer than was considered appropriate but only to whisper in your ear. “They are just jealous that I get to dance with the most exquisite one alive for the entire night.”

“I believe it’s actually because you deserve better than I.”You responded softly airing your true thoughts knowing it was better than lying to the God of Lies and Mischief.

“There is no better than yourself (Y/N), don’t believe that for a moment.”Loki said spinning you elegantly before twirling you back into his chest, making it so you could feel his heart beating as wildly as yours. The faces in the crowd now but a memory at his words, it seemed they weren’t kidding when they stated that he had a silver tongue. As the words would stay with you long after he had spoken them, even if he didn’t realize it.

Pietro:

Picky wasn’t the right word when it came to how you were when it came to dates. It had to be something genuine and not just dinner and a movie. Sure that was okay sometimes but you wanted originality, and Pietro was happy to provide. When you woke up that morning there was a cup of coffee waiting for you on your nightstand somehow still steaming with a note laid underneath. It told you to meet him on the roof of Avenger Tower at 10 PM for the date he had been planning, and to wear something comfortable. If anything you had to give him an A for effort so far, it was more than others had done for you previously.

Wearing a comfy hoodie, and sweatpants you headed up to the roof about five minutes before 10. Upon reaching the top you couldn’t believe your eyes, a giant projector screen was set up, accompanied by fairy lights gently glowing around a set up of blankets and pillows. Popcorn, pizza, candy, soda, any kind of movie snack you could imagine was set up in front of it. Standing before you was Pietro in a similar outfit to your own holding out a bouquet of (Y/F/F) with a sheepish look on his face.

“I didn’t know exactly what to do, but I wanted our first date to be extra special.”Pietro said biting his lower lip waiting for your reaction.

“Piet, I love it! No one has even taken the time to do anything like this for me before.”You said still in awe as you wrapped your arms around his neck happily embracing him. Sitting down next to him digging in to the feast of junk food in front of you while the movie started to play. Surprisingly enough it was (Y/F/M) and you had never told him that it was. “Wow I can honestly say I didn’t see this coming.”You said smirking widely now rendering him speechless.

Peter Parker:

Too many thoughts were running through your head as you started getting ready for Homecoming. Having tried on several different outfits Nat and Wanda had picked out for you, you finally decided on the blue outfit with the red accent pieces. It may or may not have been subconscious, or slightly on purpose. Also you had long decided if Peter revealed his secret to you for any reason you would not hold back yours any longer. While your father had no idea of your plan, it didn’t matter because like him once you had made up your mind, it was nigh impossible to get you to change it.

To keep up appearances you met Peter at the dance so that you didn’t have to direct him to Avenger Tower where you lived. Even your father had no idea you were going on a date with his intern/Spider-Kid and for now you wanted to keep it that way. Falling for the boy you were supposed to be protecting wasn’t your intention going into it, but you couldn’t stop yourself either. “Wow you look amazing.”A voice said breaking you out of your thoughts causing you to look up and see Peter in his suit.

“So do you.”You said your mouth dropping open just slightly at his appearance. “Should we go in?”You asked timidly, the feeling being genuine for once instead of a front.

“Uh yeah definitely.”Peter said holding his arm out for you to take, immediately directing you to the dance floor once inside. A slow song started playing and you both started swaying along with the music, him gently leading you. Words weren’t needed you both were saying everything you needed with just your eyes, never once leaving the other’s. It was a night you were going to remember for the rest of your life, and you never wanted it to end.

Bucky:

Since it was an impromptu date there weren’t a whole lot of choices that you guys could do that wasn’t one of the regular options. That was until you remembered that your friend’s band usually did live music in the park during lunch time on Wednesday’s. Grabbing Bucky’s hand you started dragging him towards Central Park only stopping to grab some street meat from one of the vendors perched down there clearly taking advantage of the music. Sitting on the ground you patted the spot next to you for him to take. Luckily the band was just getting started and they played a lot of soft rock music easy to listen to.

“So you hear a lot about my life story what about yours?”Bucky asked taking a bite of his lunch looking to you curiously.

“Well my family life has always been a little unstable so I ran away from home at 16 to live with my Grandparents and from there I wanted to be able to help others like me. So I started studying psychology and got into therapy myself so that I could become a healthier person in the long run. It hasn’t really been easy, but I have gotten to meet some people in my life that have made my struggles worth it. I am glad to say you are one of them Bucky.”You explained with a small smile placing your hand on his knee.

“I didn’t think I could have a life outside of what HYDRA had made me, but you have proved me very wrong and I have never been more thankful for anyone besides Steve.”Bucky said trying to refrain from getting choked up.

“I’m not going anywhere Bucky, I’ll be here as long as you want me to.”You said reassuringly leaning your head on his shoulder letting the music take you both over, living in the moment.

Sam:

Pulling on your favorite jeans and a sweater you wanted to be comfortable but warm when you and Sam took on the Haunted House. You had to admit it was a creative idea, and it was something you hadn’t done since you were younger. When you guys got there you decided to just jump right in and start with the haunted attractions they had to offer. First was a haunted maze which wouldn’t have been so bad had you not gotten followed by someone a little too closely making you grip on tightly to Sam’s hand. Sure he was an Avenger and fully capable of keeping you safe, but then why did he look terrified too?

“Run (Y/N)!”He yelled out suddenly dragging you through the maze every which direction getting you both horribly lost. Now you weren’t being followed, but at the same time you also didn’t know if you would be able to find your way out from here. Eventually you had to call someone from the staff to help you get out and instead of immediately going to the next thing you decided to grab some hot chocolate from the concession stand.

“Well for an Avenger you're not very brave.”You joked blowing on your drink before taking a sip.

“I saved you didn’t I?”Sam asked defensively eyeing you curiously over his drink taking a drink himself.

“Define save, and maybe replace with got us hopelessly lost?”You laughed nudging him lightly enough not to spill on him, happy the warmth of the drink was bringing feeling back to your hands.

“Hey any time I spend with you, is worth getting hopelessly lost for.”Sam said kissing your cheek making you flush super warm at his touch.

Natasha:

Actually you had never been on a formal date before so you didn’t really know what to expect, having been a product of HYDRA. Since you hadn’t really experienced it before Nat wanted to go do something fun but intimate at the same time. Dancing was the solution that she had come up with, and well it was her so you weren’t about to argue. Getting dressed up in one of your favorite outfits that made you look sexy, you couldn’t help but check yourself out in the mirror approvingly. Walking out to meet her at her room you lost your voice the second she walked out in a killer red halter style dress that accented her every curve.

“Is it just you or is it hot in here?”You blurted out before you could even think about it but luckily it earned a genuine laugh from the woman before you.

“I think it’s all you babe.”Nat said smirking giving you a quick wink before taking your arm leading the way to the car.

Reaching the club you had no idea what was going to be inside but your idea certainly wasn’t a sea of people spanning the entire dance floor. Suddenly you found yourself in the center of the madness with Nat’s body pressed up against yours. There wasn’t a song you recognized but that didn’t matter, the only thing you could focus on was the feeling of her against you. Placing your hands on her waist you matched her movements unable to believe you were actually getting to hold her at all. Closing your eyes you soaked up each moment wanting to spend forever in her arms.

Wanda:

Deciding on a cute little Italian Bistro your friend recommended you couldn’t wait for your date with Wanda. Calling ahead you made a reservation and asked for them to reserve a specific bottle of wine that you knew was kind of pricey but totally worth it for her. Putting on a nice outfit that consisted of black pants, a red top, and a nice black leather jacket you took a good look in the mirror before going to pick her up. Knocking on her door you were amazed at just how beautiful she looked in front of you in a little black dress with her red leather jacket over it. “You are so gorgeous.”You gasped barely above a whisper earning a huge smile from her.

“Thank you, you look incredibly sexy if I must say. I do like the leather jacket.”Wanda smirked shamelessly looking you up and down.

“I thought you might wear yours so I wanted to match.”You admitted rubbing the back of your head slightly ashamed as you opened the car door for her.

Entering the restaurant it was everything you had been told it was, including down to the bottle of wine. The waiter pouring it over chilled grapes in large wine glasses before the two of you. “A toast, to the most beautiful girl I have ever met, and hopefully to more dates like this one.”You said holding yours out to Wanda.

“To many many more.”Wanda nodded agreeing as she hit her glass on yours before taking a sip relishing in it’s complex taste making you wish that you were suddenly that wine glass between her lips.

#steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes x reader #tony stark x reader #clint barton x reader #bruce banner x reader #pietro maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #peter parker x reader #loki laufeyson x reader #thor odinson x reader #sam wilson x reader

[fasa-umich]

Adrian Rocha, FASA's 2021-2022 Social Chair

what's up FASA?

The last two years of my life were as turbulent as the rear of an airplane fuselage (yeah I’m an aerospace engineer). Okay, but I came into college from a land far, far away called New Jersey, from a tiny prestigious high school. I had no friends or acquaintances from back home who came with me here. On top of that, it was a completely virtual COVID-19 year. I lounged in my Bursley dorm room for weeks straight, terrified of making an effort to meet other people on campus. I had no social life. There was one day that I decided I needed to make a change, and I thought if there was nobody I knew here, maybe I should find someone who could relate to me culturally? That was the first step for me, and it turned out the person who lived right next to me could relate. (He’s this board’s external chair!!)

Anyways, I went out of my room with a direction. Prior to leaving, I stalked online for a Filipino org on campus. Back home, Filipinos were all over the place, but I never actually had a Filipino friend outside of my own family. So I brought Ryan Chua, the other Filipino guy who lived next to me, and we ended up at a Filipino org’s booth because I saw someone waving a Filipino flag around. From that moment on, I found myself a Filipino community that I would share memories with, go through rough patches with, play League with, and have fun with. I found myself a very HAMmy FAM and of course, I landed in the BTS lineage (love y’all). That was special for me.

The fact that I was able to make friends, despite my reserved nature and despite the virtual year, was truly something bigger than what it is at face value.

obligatory picture of me jumping in and out of sticks

My freshman year in FASA was like a teaser for a movie. Even though all of the events were virtual, even though people were farther away in front of their computers, I could still feel an intimate sense of connection with other members. When I became an intern, I cherished that connection and ran with it. I can never forget the shenanigans that went on, like serenading board with Worldwide by BTR, eating 60 spicy chicken nuggets, and streaming League with Sean on Twitch. All of the virtual memories in front of my desktop in NJ only fueled my inclination to be with these amazing people in person.

Somehow, I was elected as co-social chair, even though, as you read above, I could be the person you wouldn’t see talking to anybody else for weeks on end. But I knew that I wanted everyone who wanted to join FASA to experience what I experienced. The heartwarming connection that I want to hold onto with the people I know as my friends today. (I even coerced Ryan to join the board as an External Chair when we had to fill that position). I was excited to become one of the chapters in the FASA story. I joined forces with Amanda and we became a miraculous dynamic duo. We went through numerous ups and downs together, and Jason and Jolene didn’t lie – being social chair was a lot of work. We had to take the reins of transitioning from a virtual year into an in-person year. Both of us had combined zero experience with running an in-person FASA event. At our first Fall Mass Meeting, we freaked out because nobody was coming in on time, but we figured out that Filipino time was a thing. We also realized that vibing out the general crowd atmosphere really played a role in determining what to do next. These two concepts were one of the main few things that drove our next social events.

aw yeah??? fasa socials yeah???

October was a huge month for us with two social events that had to be planned: FAM Reveal and Halo-Halloween. With respect to our social predecessors, we wanted to carry POTTER out with a bang, and Amanda had the perfect idea to do just that – Capture the Flag. It was crazy how we just overran the Arb with a bunch of Filipinos chasing for flags for the glory of their FAMs. During Halo-Halloween, Amanda and I learned a lot about flexibility and being able to pivot on the fly. As we knew we couldn’t get everything on our event plan done, we had to make adjustments during the event, which proved to be a little stressful for us. I think we learned a lot more about what comes into the core of running a social event as well as a lot more about each other’s planning styles. We took these lessons that we learned and applied them to our Pasko event in December, which really was such a sight for me to see – everybody enjoying themselves, singing songs, making parols, and celebrating our FASA culture. (and HAM FAM winning 1st in POTTER for the fall semester :D)

that's us being #1

The winter semester was PCN szn, and it really was a culmination of everybody coming together to form a glorious product showcasing our Filipino culture. I co-led an advertising team that got a cute pamphlet done in just one week. I got to dance Bangko for the first time in my life – I was a part of something that started out as a couple of benches and formed into these benches stacked onto each other with people dancing on top of them. (Shoutout to #stairsgang for bringing the default dance to life). Post PCN came with some more FAM-centric events that I really enjoyed because I didn’t feel like I was just hosting the event, but that I was having fun with the general members and the rest of the board. That was another core element of social events that us socials learned – have fun at your own events!! Social chair wouldn’t have been the same if I didn’t have fun.

Of course, along the way, I got to meet new people and make stronger relationships with others. I can’t believe I’m friends with a King on the Rings, a notorious blader, a fujoshi, and a guy who’s hardstuck in League (cringe). I could only go so far to describe all of these unique personalities that I met in FASA. I will cherish them forever.

Throughout the year on FASA E-Board, I became closer with board and I came to understand that board came first before my own chair’s responsibilities. We worked like a well oiled machine, and when any other board member needed assistance with their own responsibilities, there was always someone willing to help. I think the supportive and cooperative nature of our board really made us shine this year. I wanted to thank the board for dealing with our complex event skeletons and weird FAM scoring formulas. You all made checking in general members, facilitating games, and creating the vibe easier during all of our events. You were the drivers of our events, and I can’t thank you all enough.

our board is full of love <3

I’d also like to give a special shout out to the 4th Floor Rackham Assembly Hall – we literally had more than half of our social events in that room.

And of course, the biggest thank you goes to my co, Amanda. You’re seriously an inspiration to me – your dedication, drive, and your leadership carried us through the rough patches of our tenure as co-socials. The way you made it seem so easy to bring our crazy ideas to life was special. Since the first time we danced tinik together and when you got me that friendship bracelet (that’s still on my airpods case), it was an unforgettable experience with you. I cannot emphasize enough how proud I am for you to have fulfilled your social dream to have a capture the flag event (haha) and obviously for you to make it this close to the finish line with me. There’s no other that I would have been able to make it through with. Thank you Amanda, and I hope we can continue to be miraculous together.

pictured from left to right: miraculous ladybug and chat noir

To the future FASA Social Chairs…

Being a social chair involves a great deal of organization with planning and a lot of management internally and during an event. All of this is tied under communication. Having an amiable, but also task-driven relationship with your co-chair is important in order to get things done in a timely manner and with minimal flaws. Establish a nice social-work balance relationship with your co early on so you can understand how both of you communicate and how your working styles may differ. When it comes to event planning, literally take ANY idea and work with it; make it something bigger. If you see something is remotely possible, do your best to increase the chances of it happening (within reason of course). Finally, make social chair your own! I fully believe that doing things differently is more fulfilling and can reveal some really interesting new ideas. It’s your time to shine and you don’t want to have any regrets. I wish you guys the best of luck in your tenure!!

Take the position and run with it! Things come to an end sooner than you think, and all of those times when you accidentally say the wrong thing during a presentation and when your voice cracks when you’re explaining the rules of a game and when you and your co celebrate after the end of a successful event… all of those times become crystal memories.

Thank you FASA for being a crystal part of my life,

-Adrian Rocha

#FASASocial #2021-2022

[beneaththetangles]

Wotakoi: Love Is Hard For Christian Otaku

While Amazon Prime doesn’t often have new anime that interest me, a couple have come along lately. The only one that blew my mind was Made in Abyss, which I regrettably have yet to write about. The other one that I enjoyed was Wotakoi: Love Is Hard For Otaku, which is about the intricacies of two people at work who are otakus. It’s a reality I’ve never seen displayed in an anime and I found it pretty cool and funny! The references to the various anime, video games, and other nuances of otaku/geek culture were great. I suppose the fact that otaku culture not mentioned in media very often makes me smile when it finally is.

Being an otaku or geek can be a little lonely at times, as there aren’t many outlets to talk about what we are watching, playing, or getting excited about. Yes, there are Discord, conventions, and online communities like Facebook or forums, but at least for myself, it’s been a side of me that I don’t openly discuss at work, church, or in large gatherings. I am extroverted and love to talk and hang out with friends, but bringing up the latest anime episode or the free game I got on PS Plus isn’t the greatest topic of conversation.

Watching Narumi and Hirotaka deal with not revealing their “otaku side” at work made me totally understand how they were feeling. They didn’t want to seem weird and be isolated from their co-workers, so they would indulge in their hobby during a break or after work (I watch an episode of anime on my lunch break with headphones). I tend not to mention that I have a video game blog or write for this website because of the odd looks I will get. Most adults don’t even know what anime or the latest AAA game is, aside from all the other nuances of the anime/video game industry. Why even mention it at all? Again, I felt connected to both of the main characters in this way.

Seeing the dynamics of their relationship got me thinking about my own marriage with my wife and how she isn’t into video games or anime, and also how I’ve navigated that.

I used to think, before I got married or met my wife, that I would end up dating a fellow gamer or anime fan. It just made sense to me that if those are your interests, then those are the types of people you would naturally be attracted to. In fact, while in high school and later college, I did like a girl that was my friend and she the first big anime fan I met. We never dated or anything, but she got me more into the genre and finding out about obscure titles or seasons (I had no idea there was more Sailor Moon than what was dubbed!), but the point was that I thought a person like her was who I would end up marrying.

On the contrary, my wife has no interest in anime or video games, which are my main geeky hobbies. She doesn’t mind what I do or watch, but I learned that hobbies are not the right foundation for a relationship. Our anchor has always been Christ, and nothing else. We share the same values, worship the same God, pray together, explore God’s word and learn more from Him. I know for a fact that when times get tough, an anime or video game won’t be able to give me the supernatural peace (Philippians 4:7) or wisdom (James 1:5) that God gives me when I need it. Sure, they are great to relax, have some laughs and even learn from, but life can get difficult and unfair at times. It’s a lie to think that everything will always be simple, easy, and totally justified, but with Christ by my side He always helps me to get through it all.

I’m glad that Narumi and Hirotaka have found love, but as the series continues (I haven’t finished watching it), I hope they find a stronger foundation than just their hobbies. Helping each other, being there in the good times and the bad, and respecting each other is key to having a lasting relationship.

Have you ever had issues at work, church, home, or anywhere because of your hobby? What has been people’s reaction when they find out you watch anime or something else similar? Let me know in the comments!

Wotakoi can be streamed on Amazon Prime.

#Anime #Christianity #Wotaku ni Koi wa Muzukashii #Wotakoi: Love is Hard for Otaku #Faith #Love #Articles #Author: Samuru

[jadbalja]

#oldprofilerant (2010)

I have replaced the purportedly humorous text that lived here with this. Soundtrack: DJ Shadow - 'I've been trying':

After a month of OkCupid, I have some thoughts. Allow me to share them with you, even though they mainly concern me (solipsist much?).

I thought I'd be further along on this. I wonder if it's structural. Increasingly, I feel a pressure to conform, all of my own making, but somewhat implicitly forced by the subtle guidance of response rates, suggestions, and the observed behavior of other men and women. I wanted to succeed here, even if it is at failing. Increasingly, this led me to try to be, even in the limited space of a personals profile, someone I am not.

Given the constraints of one's unchanging absolutes, height-facial symmetry, etc., one is always marketing a product in tough competition; where unknown better-equipped others can siphon away interest from you at low cost to themselves, even if they are unable to actually enjoy their spoils. So it's not just winner-takes-all, it's worse: winner-takes-all-and-wastes it. I may have been on the receiving end of this, or the giving. Who knows. We just know it happens, and there is a sliding scale of winners and losers.

Separately, and annoyingly, gender roles are duly reasserted here. At least they live on here while dying their slow death everywhere else (except in Talibanistan!). I can try to 'man up' to this duty. But these roles exacerbate the structural problems with online dating, especially as the size of the pool grows differently for different genders and orientations. It grows the slowest for straight men. Ah, gentle reader, enjoy your possibility of endless supply, your impotence of choice.

As OkCupid's own data shows, race lives on in dating! I suppose when people can't even love across party lines, it's a bit hard to expect racial barriers to fall. I've dated all kinds, but it wasn't through this site. No surprise for those who live outside the dominant paradigm. The data don't lie.

You have to be pretty white for a brown guy to get far here. I sympathize with my Asian, Middle Eastern, and to a lesser extent, Black competitors, who aren't surrendering their identity to the lure of the pale. I know that the 'Other' is a facile Saidian construction, but put yourself in my brown suede shows: would I try to compete with a handicap of perceived cultural difference, when the guy who likes the Capitols, Redskins, PBR (insert other stereotype), not taken as a pocket chauvinist based on his perceived origin, is just the next click away? So much less to fuss through, girls, especially if no one notices or proves you are making that choice. This is tolerant liberal multiculturalism without, well, the sweat.

So as the quintessential Other, you emphasize the Indie Music, yes, and the requisite obscure references to pop culture to establish your liberal, humanistic credentials. In a sense, you have to become what [[Zizek]], for once anticipating my concerns, recently termed the 'decaffeinated Other'. I don't have a problem with this since truly, I am wholly westernized, but it rankles that I must genuflect to this identity more than the native born. I can hear you tut-tutting - it's just this heavy chip on his shoulder (flicks it off).

A system of perceived infinite choice such as this also leads to an absolutist mindset. I sense that even a slight misstep in a first or second message is penalized quite heavily. It's hard to learn from a mistake that you can't quite figure out the nature of.

That's fine. These are the rules of the game you choose to play by, and if one doesn't like it, there is always the option to exit. Exeunt, pursued by bear

How far will one go, what boundaries will one stoop to conquer? I always thought of myself as somewhat of a 'high quality' person. High ideals, quirky if refined tastes (or so my ego dictates), and a sane head on my manly shoulders. The more I stay here, the more I wonder about it. Surfing this site, I am spending time away from doing things I'd rather do on weekday evenings, though it's very pleasant to read all your profiles! Perhaps, a time has come to re-prioritize? After all, those are things that make me the person I am, and attractive (or not).

In the end, there is a more important reason for quiescence.

I don't want to appear average to myself, because I'm not. Your lack of response is perplexing, even if logical to you. I thought I put some thought into who I should message. Perhaps, rather than Mohammad going to the mountain, I shall let the mountain come to me. I will even settle for a hillock.

They say my choices (chances?) as an adult male increase with financial stability and maturity. I disagree. I think choices increase with entropy. I want to leave more to chance. I want to scatter the seeds of possibility with wild abandon to the air, and seek what happens in the world where there are no clicks separating me from the next profile, the next guy, with her attention flicking away like a strobe light. I think I prefer the anonymity of the street, the chance but real encounter. Unfortunately, these only happen in books, but when they do, oh!

Thanks for reading. And good luck! You're going to need it.

#okcupid profile profiletext