#the RENT thing... i am a bitch for RENT and unapologetically so

[forabeatofadrum]

@thelegendofjenna replied to your post “me, poking kurt and blaine with a stick: do...”:

if you want someone to bounce ideas off/vent frustration to, you can always message me!

​I have my plot points mapped out. Jen @1908jmd actually figured some out in an ask that she sent (*wink wink nudge nudge*) (although, Jen, you're still in for a surprise, but some were close) (I'm not publishing the ask to avoid spoilers, but what you said about [REDACTED] hit the nail!). I just need to fill in those plot points and it is quite annoying to see a clear direction for where the story is heading. I've been seeing that direction for months, but ya know *gestures around* writing.

I did poke Kurt and Blaine hard enough to have them watch RENT, because why not? I'm currently stuck in a part of the next chapter where I just... need them to do something for the middle. Welp, RENT it is. I almost went for Legally Blonde but ssssssh that is Quinn's favourite movie. So yes, Kurt, Blaine, watch RENT and do something!!

#OKAY LOOK #the RENT thing... i am a bitch for RENT and unapologetically so #but i also love putting daltonfic references in my fic because i can and at this point klaine loving RENT is a meme #once again thank u daltonfic for giving me some crumbs #myosotis is filled with them #ANYWAY #replies #thelegendofjenna

[britcision]

Okay so first of all I find Kabru fundamentally uninteresting in every single aspect except his relationships with Rin and the Canaries specifically

(I do not like characters who go out of the way to be liked by everyone I am obstreperous)

I am fucking obsessed with Cithis she is wonderful and the most fun and the fucking worst and I love her

I am the one who keeps pointing out how these two have So Much in common, like. The same smiley facade and diplomatic tendencies, the same “handling” everyone around them, the same looking down on everyone else

(Kabru even wanted to learn illusion magic but never got the hang of it HE WISHES HE WAS HER SO BAD)

There are a few key differences and the one which matters to me and I think is the reason I find Kabru otherwise uninteresting is that Cithis owns her shit

She is utterly unapologetic, doesn’t give a fuck, doesn’t pretend it’s all moral and for the best for anyone but her

Cithis is here for one reason only and it is to have a good time and fuck with rich bitches

Kabru’s still trying to pretend he’s got everyone else’s best interests at heart and he actually really is trying to be a nice and good person he’s just the stereotypical paladin, self righteous bullshit and all

However this difference is also why Cithis and Kabru’s relationship is my fucking favourite because he would DESPISE anyone ever even remotely commenting on how much they have in common

And so would Cithis, because Kabru is literally also the thing she hates the most, an entirely pampered little nepo baby who has never paid rent or done a single chore ever in his life

But they’re soulmates (derogatory) and I love that for them

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #dungeon meshi spoilers #delicious in dungeon spoilers #kabru of utaya #cithis #cithis dungeon meshi

[snowsheba]

oh my god finished aveyond 3-2: gates of night. thoughts below cut

characters

mel i think it's very funny to kill a frog and then fish 71 moneys out of it. mel got paid 100 for the original job for gyendal and was like omg that's so much!!! now she kills a monster and makes 5k+ out of it. have you considered a different line of work queen

i liked that she had more lines this time. i do not like that most of them were arguing with lydia. however, i do like that most of her responses to lydia are either ignoring her or rebuking her when she's doing her classist thing.

stella again: stella is perfect. however, this game struggles with foreshadowing and i laughed really hard after seeing the introductory animation. her sad little see-saw as she fell........

i know this is a failing on the writers more than her but i do think it's rather telling that she compliments female characters on their appearance and male characters on their personality (exception of te'ijal, who is so Gender that i don't include her honestly).

edward man, fuck this guy. i mean not really. he's like. he's ok. he's a 5 out of 10. exceedingly average. astoundingly decent. wildly fine.

i am trying VERY hard to like him but so far he's either been the mouthpiece for the exposition or an explanation, which gets boring fast. his personality extends to "dislikes status quo but not enough to change it," which tracks for a prince. wish he was less boring. also wish he was less "let me tell you what to do and how to do it" even if he's right. (especially if he's right.)

te'ijal SHE BECOMES MORTAL? AFTER ALL THE HELP AND INSTRUCTION SHE GAVE? WHAT IS THIS.

te'ijal's entire personality and BEING are based around being a "fuck it we ball" vampire. there's gonna be a lot of angst in 3-3 isn't there.

galahad this man is stupid as all hell. it must feel good to be human again after starving forever, though! i'm happy for him. even if in this game he was mostly following along.

lydia what a BITCH (fond). i know she does some wack shit later on but so far she is hitting all the right buttons for me. i love characters who are just unapologetically assholes, and i was like "yeah that tracks" when i talked to her dad and he parroted back the classist stuff lydia's said before. honestly she might be my fave character so far.

also i get to buy her lots of dresses which is surprisingly fun!! kind of wish i could get stella new clothes.

ulf totally thought this guy was a mage before i played this game!!!! he is not!!!! i also did not use him to fight at all, so he was just tagging along, i guess. doesn't help he has basically 0 lines.

hercules is this where hercules the aveyond character gets his start? when i first encountered him in av4 i was like who's this dude. now i see that he is exactly the same? wild shit bro.

story

compared to 3-1 it's uhhh. it's moving fast scoob. i really thought it'd take longer to get these fucking keys but nope! nope!!!

also the entire orc kingdom is. how do you say. Problematique™? or at least the weirdly broken "translations" was bizarre. why are they saying shit like "i strong you weak" when mel presumably understands orcish. you know what i'm saying.

also i get weird about bulkiness/size/strength being directly related to intelligence. just in general having npcs call the orcs brutes and savages and then characterizing orcs as strong and dumb has troubling connotations for me as an american. also the fact they have slave pens kind of major sucks! but anyway. neither here nor there.

gameplay

literally """rented""" a keep for 10k. why do they say rent instead of purchase? you never pay rent again. also if mel is rolling in it you can bet she'd keep her dinky apartment to plot thievery and also make out with stella.

ok anyway, again, main complaint is lack of guidance. the oil is in the elven castle in a random locked chest? to distract the guard you need a music box, which requires you to have explored chateau whatever-the-fuck or remember there's a toymaker there?? to get the first key you need to find the candy but there's no indication said candy has anything to do with the key at all???

listen. i'm all for environmental storytelling and paying attention. but this is exactly why i think av3 sold so poorly: it is needlessly convoluted. at the VERY least the journal could have more guidance than "find hal." WHO IS HAL. WHERE IS HE. (he's the elf who gets stuck in the waterways.) i don't remember av1 being this confusing and av2 is extremely linear by comparison, so maybe i'm just bitching about nothing, but i am BITCHING NONETHELESS!!!!

oh also i think it's extremely funny that you have two magic users in your party and Only Two. one of them can't even do damage. #LetStellaCommitArson

conclusion

as always, a banger. aveyond has been and always will be my top favorite game series of all fucking time and despite my whining this one is no exception. onward!

#aveyond blogging #aveyond #av3

[surrealsunday]

1/5 Oh my God, I finally got to sit down and read the first chapter and- wow, I’m absolutely in LOVE. I mean, I saw it coming, my favourite trope and my favourite author, it was kind of inevitable😌 I was like 3 minutes in when I realized “Oh fuck, shit’s gonna hurt.” What are you doing to me?? Making me wish Lucas actually goes and hooks up with somebody who’s not Eliott??? Making me not hate the idea of Lucas with Chris (bless you for choosing the most attractive OG character)???

2/5 But at the same time not wanting it at all because clearly there’s more to Eliott that Lucas doesn’t see? One second I’m mad at Eliott for how possessive he is but at the same time I absolutely get it because it’s Lucas. We all wanna protect Lucas. And who would want to share him, right? Ughhh. What am I supposed to do with all these mixed feelings??

3/5 Also not me hoping they would at least like cuddle from time to time... And then Eliott goes and attacks Lucas’ neck like that, right in the first chapter too??? My reaction was literally this: https://c.tenor.com/ex3E3z-r4WUAAAAC/take-a-look-say-what.gif I was SHOOK. Just bro things. Literally, according to Eliott. “Fuck off Eliott” was literally what I said after reading the brothers line, it’s like Lucas and I became one😂

4/5 I’m scared of the other chapters because if the first one was like this, the next ones are probably gonna hurt like a bitch. And yet here I am asking you to go ahead and wreck me because I can’t wait to read more. I’m very curious what the kiss they shared was about that Lucas believes Eliott barely remembers it. (I bet Eliott’s secretly cherishing said memory, ‘cause really, how could he forget kissing Lucas.) And I’m also curious about the time period in which it happened.

5/5 Gotta add that the childhood scenes are adorable, I loved the parallel of Eliott seeing Lucas first while Lucas wasn’t aware. And overall I couldn’t help but smile and laugh (the humour is brilliant) through the entire thing so yet again thank you😌 This feels way too long for a tumblr ask, I should probably comment on AO3 instead but I just wanted to let you know that I’m in love and that Punzel Elu already live in my head rent free😌

💖💖💖

Ahhhhh no apologies for long asks. I love!!! It's so great to hear your thoughts.

I am adfakjsdfkajs over everyone's first reaction being 'oh no, it's gonna hurt'. Lollll. I mean... you're not wrong. But I think there is a fair bit of fun, sweetness, and heat in there for all of you too.

And yes, I have some fun with Chris in this one hehe. I mean... he's an all-time babe and also an unapologetic hoe so... how can I not love him and give him his due? Plus... a hot babe like him appreciating Lucas? Much fun to be had there.

You'll get cuddly best friends too. These two don't have a whole lot of boundaries which leads to both sweet things (cuddles) and less appropriate things (hickies... ELIOTT).

I had sooooo much fun with the flashback scenes. They weren't supposed to become a parallel story but then they took on a life of their own and I had no control. I think you guys will enjoy though. I really love the ones you get in chapter 2.

Thank you again for this comment. I hope you continue to love the ride!

#Punzel chapter 1 #Punzel fic

[bebeglobe]

After months of Unemployment, Global Pandemic death tolls & infection-rate spikes, Family feuds, and losing what little money I had on me to lending to family members- I have finally succeeded in being consistent in one major life goal of mine. Needless to say, we have all gone through rough times since the 2020 quarantine and delayed government assistance to say the least. My goal was to gtfo of nyc by any means necessary!

2019 I moved out of nyc to Maryland. Every weekend for atleast a month, I have moved boxed belongings, 2 full sized rugs and of course consistent eBay deliveries of blanket set, sheet set, plant seeds and other much needed things that weighed pounds less than what I was toting a month of weekends. “I HATE MOVING”! However, I understand the necessity. While I’m making such a transition, I was forced to tote hard emotions of being pissed on by “loved ones”. Especially my “partner” whom I dumped due to selfishness and advantage taking. My world has been in a tail spin since 2015, honestly. The Love of my life died (My little brother) that year then my father followed months later. I managed by not dealing with my emotions and burying myself in heavy-duty, lengthy, laborious work hours. I had a short circle of Sister-in-law(s) and others that behaved selfishly. While I was making moves to leave one toxic environment I didn’t realize I was moving into another.

By the time I completely moved to my destination, I came down with pneumonia and was forced into serious downtime. My landlord was paid 2 months of rent and that bitch became a dirt devil vacuum! She constantly pushed for more money knowing I had none. I recovered enough to be able to do shopping and travel in and around town to both get to now the new environment as well as get what’s needed before snowfall. I was on a break from work 23rd December and recovered by New Year’s Eve to work a catering gig which paid poorly and taxed heavily. Still the demand for money kept coming. The landlord was beginning her family as this was her 2nd pregnancy by same guy she moved into the home while I occupied the basement. Over time she spitefully moved her old furniture into the basement ignoring our deal. After the holidays I travelled back to nyc for work but stayed at a friends apartment for easier inner city commutes during NYC legendary bitter winters. Rent wasn’t due and I was sharing my paychecks 3-ways anyway: Food for me +2 (verbal agreement with then friend’s mother), I started heavily smoking marijuana indicas to keep from blowing a fucking gasket on people, and helping out sister-in-law with monetary funds to feed my niece (so I thought). One day I only had $50 on me and said sister called once again begging for money. When I cash app her $50 her response was “That’s It”! I almost lost my shit but I was high so I explained very carefully to her not to push my buttons. She took the money and hung up. Atleast I have peace before the next payday. I thought... A lot has happened from December to February and I moved my belongings from Maryland to nyc. I gave landlord $50 the 2nd to last visit since she had no food, but, all I could think was “I will never be her friend again, nor will I keep communication”.

Every leach I had on me was cut-off. Then there was my exboyfriend now my fiancé (on probation, indefinitely). A year later I am incommunicado to everyone I know except 3 people. Then the quarantine happended. What everyone in mylife at the time had in common is that they had plans to graduate their lifestyle to higher levels but they all tried to cheat their way to the punchline. Now, they all try to reach out to me to this day pleading for help. “GET A JOB”! Then they were blocked and I have deleted all social media accounts to from now on. I will communicate another way. Inperson! Since I have cut these ties, I was able to be more consistent with achieving a planned goal. Of course, now my oldest family members thought it was a good idea to go that same route, a of today, they are unapologetically cut off. I am not planning to borrow money, I am a grown ass woman! I can wait for my next payday! I by nature am a saver, conservationist and an investor of all things Business and MY OWN LIFE.

I want so badly to talk about my gift to myself as well as an important-emancipating goal that is about to be reached, but, I have learned from “Karma” that if I speak of what hasn’t become a reality yet - bad omens (People and their evil spirits) curse me and distract me from my goals and I’m left starving and broke while others flaunt their money knowing they owe me. I had to use aggressive negotiations with those I have helped in the pass just to re-forge respect long over due and collect on unpaid debts. That I did! Needless to say, I am happy being all by my lonesome and I am “HAPPY”. I am in for such adventures the remainder of 2021 as I optimistically look ahead my new journey. I will announce my great news next week when this contract is finalized. The conclusion, I have learned hard lessons on how Narcisists use your love for them against you with no morality to how they deceived me. What has always been true is that they need me before I will EVER need them... And now, they are strangers to me. #NEVERAGAIN

#accomplishments #narcisists #move #peace #payday #deceived #goal #leach #gift #my #I #karma #nyc #Maryland #own #life #speak #money #job #blocked #December #February #Neveragain #to #and #we #food #spirits #cutoff #cash app

[stxdyxn]

Everless #1 Juvenile Review... So Far

i just want to rant a little bit. 

so i decided to sign up for a free trial for Scribd so i can read the books that i was interested in and i found the ‘everless’ series. so apparently the books are about a sort of world where time is important and used as currency, like years of your life for rent and food and .. well everything else that you would usually pay money for. and i’ve actually never listened to an audiobook so i had the bright idea to listen to this book. 

im exhausted as hell lmao.

this rant is long for no reason and im sorry

***SPOILERS AHEAD*** 

i want you to keep in mind that im on chapter 8.

so the main character is this 17 year old girl named Jules whose father is basically out of time and sickly and they’re poor, they can barely pay for food and rent. the first conflict comes about with a sort of ‘time collector’ coming to get the rent that’s due from jules and her dad. now... they dont have the money and this causes the ripple of occurrences and arguments that cause her to go to the city named Everless to work in the castle(?) in preparation for the Queen’s arrival. now jules used to live in everless with her dad about 10 years ago before they were kicked out for some fire that happened? and she has these memories of her playing with the noble family’s children, Roan/Rowan(?) and Liam. 

based on what she says im guessing liam is the one who caused this entire thing with her banishment because he was severe and mean and blah blah blah when he was an 8 year old boy. she CONSTANTLY mentions how liam, then 8 or something years old, attempted to push rowan, who was 7, into a fire and seemed unapologetic about it. i swear, its been 8 chapters and i think shes mentioned it about 5 times... to explain how ruthless liam is NOW at EIGHTEEN OR SO YEARS OLD. because obviously he’s an asshole... obviously. *rolls eyes* oh and when she entered the castle she saw rowan like talking to liam in a pleasant manner she was all ‘i dont know how he can be so comfortable talking to him after he tried to push in a fire’. and i was just like....??????????? its been a little over a Decade???????????????? you don’t know how their relationship is now, they’re adults. and they’re also brothers?? now i dont have siblings and neither does she but iiiiiiiiii understand that a sibling relationship just be like that sometimes. she, however, does not get the memo. and its just this whole thing where she thinks she knows the people that she knew as well as she did 10 years ago when she as 7 years old and virtually understood nothing. and that pisses me off. there was also this part where her dad was all ‘don’t look the queen in her eye and don’t let her see you’ and she was all ‘what did he mean by that?’

and i was just so confused. does this mean she, all of a sudden, doesn’t speak english?? it means exactly what it means!!!!! DONT FUCKING LOOK AT THE BITCH AND DONT LET HER SEE YOU. he’s been warning you about returning to everless in the first place because of the nonsense that caused you guys to get banished in the first place and now you’re incapable of speech and understanding? now, there may be something underlying here because its still in the beginning and things are unfolding and i understand that there may be an extra meaning there with something about the Queen that i won’t understand yet. but??? it still means. what it meanssss!!!! and that pissed me off so much. like this kind of understanding is something i would expect from an actual 7 year old. and i STILL think the 7 year old would get what is being said. they may not obey because yknow, curiosity. but if i tell my 7 year old niece, ‘aye dont look at that’ she’ll be like ‘oh yeah no doubt’ because its a simple fucking instruction. now i understand it seems like im being bitter. but yknow what? im embracing it because its true... i AM bitter.

also, she has this fascination with rowan. it seems like she had a crush on him before she left and well, the crush is still there, and apparently more intense than ever...???? but now he has a fiancee and shes jealous or whatever idk at this point i dont care. because her feeling literally have no base. it has been 10 years. its obvious she’s sticking to whatever things she thought she knew about them when she was 7 which is the stupidest thing i have ever heard and completely unrealistic. at this point i wouldnt even be surpised if later in the book/series it turns out that rowan is actually a cunt and liam is actually the decent guy.

i understand the whole wish of hoping and thinking that you know someone or something from the past an thinking it stayed the same. but this is just madness. because a Regular Person would at least acknowledge that, oof its been 10 years, thats kind of a long time. and she kind of does that too... but also not really. like she only understands that it has been 10 years when she realizes noone recognizes her... (AND shes upset when it happens btw.) and not when she’s tryna characterize people she knew at 7 years old. and that pisses me off because she knows nothing.

i have alot more to say but im upset... i cant believe i started this book because now i HAVE to finish it in order for me to be comfortable because i dont like leaving things unfinished. but im already seeing heavier frustration in my future and i just dont have that kind of energy. i wanna enjoy myself when im reading/listening to a book. i wanna be angry, sad, happy, confused, proud and all that shit. but i dont want to have feelings of throwing my phone into a wall and hoping it shatters into a thousand pieces when im just tryna read.

#like... i'm just trying to chill man #everless #evermore #everless series #book #book review #goodreads #audiobooks #tired #quarantine #covid #covid-19 #coronavirus #covid19 #student #history #political science #history major #humanities #social sciences #literature #sara holland #please #i can't believe you're so queued #jules #liam #gerling #someone give me strength #liam gerling #roan gerling

[ofmara]

*record scratch* *freeze frame* yep, that’s me. BVCNJ hey lads ~ i’m ally, i’m twenty2, my timezone is est, i use she/her pronouns & full disclaimer: i don’t know what the fuck i’m doing! just keep that in mind when you read this.. trash lmao. anyways! if u wanna plot, feel free to hmu on d*scord at HE IS SO BIIIIG 😩👌🏼🧡#2581 or yk use the lil chat thing on tumblr if u wanna start small or w/e FDCNK no pressure. moving on..

mara’s pinterest: here!

content warning: ..none?? who am i???

( ariana grande & cis female. ) oh my god look, it’s mara de luca! she is a 24 year old singer/songwriter from queens, new york. they were first associated with the met cartel 3 years ago, and the tabloids are always saying she is so impulsive & irreverent, but their stans on twitter say that she is actually really magnetic & passionate.

first thing’s first.. i haven’t written a coherent intro in a fucking Minute, so i’m offering premature apologies for the shitshow that’s about to follow, especially since i really waited til the last second to type this out even if this blog’s been Done for a week smh ANYWAYS!

ok so! mara is what i like to call ‘a textbook new yorker’ in that she’s Loud, she Loves Her Family and she’s Unapologetically Herself. my character inspirations for her are joey from netflix’s the circle, fran fine from the nanny, molly gunn from uptown girls and a little bit of cher from clueless sprinkled in there ( mainly bcos of this gifset lmao ). since i came up with her a few weeks ago, i really had so many different personalities for her but like.. let’s keep reading to see that literally all of them were apparently Not True ~

she was born into a very tightly-knit family & grew up constantly surrounded by them. she’s got three older brothers, meaning she’s the Baby of the family, so she’s been uhhhhhh doted on all her life! we stan! that said, she’s never known what its like to be on her own, especially considering that her family was right by her side every step of the way as she slowly grew her career from childhood. she got her start singing the national anthem at a knicks game when she was 8 and slowly built from there. her parents were always suuuper supportive and did all they could to help her achieve her dreams, even though they were struggling to make ends meet.

her parents own a small bakery in queens that they started when her oldest brother was little and have been a staple in the city ever since. though they’re a somewhat popular spot for tourists and locals alike, ny real estate isn’t cheap, so paying rent both for the store and their apartment above it has always been a struggle, especially once they started dedicating a good portion of their money to plane tickets and agents and all sorts of necessities mara needed in order for her dreams to come true. the extra expense was difficult on her brothers as well, though they made a point never to complain when they had to get a second or third job to help pay the bills.

ANYWAYS she grew up veryyyy close to her family and the sacrifices they made on her behalf didn’t go unnoticed, so the first thing she did when she finally Made It was buy them a bigger space for their bakery ( since her parents Love working it even if its rough sometimes, buddy ) and a new house so ;) we love a Family First mentality!

HOWEVER!! when mara first moved to LA in like?? 2015 or something?? idk timelines.. but anyways when she first moved to LA she was.. how u say.... Depressed cos like even though she was Living Her Dream as the artist she’s always wanted to be ( she lived in queens w/ her family up until after her first Big Break cos she’s a big time daddy’s girl ) .. she was essentially on her own since her family stayed in nyc :/ yk, where they live? yeah. so she was on her own for the first time... Ever & it was scary and stressful and essentially, she wasn’t doing great mentally or emotionally, even if she put on that *ari vc* fake smile.

that was untiiiiiiil she got her first ~ hollywood boyfriend ~ aka someone famous who helped both with her career and as a salve to the constant loneliness the bitch always feelin. long story short, he didn’t last long, but she Needed to feel Wanted so she got Another ~ hollywood boyfriend ~ until it became, like, Her Thing to Always be attached to someone in the tabloids and the press and on Entertainment Tonight. we love a codependent bitch! that’s also kinda how she got to be part of the met cartel cos she immediately attaches herself fully and completely to everyone she meets & falls a little bit in love with every person who has ever said hello to her, so.. Yeah! most of her friendships were likely formed because she just would not leave them alone ( she’s clingy and needy As Fuck, but she knows she is, so she’s constantly worrying about it aka she’s always wondering if people really like her cos she’s been said to be “too much” and “annoying” by some people who.. weren’t interested in being her friend ) anyways.. feel free to lmk if u want ur chara to hate her cos she will fully have her feelings hurt but still want them to like her cos shes a, say it with me kids, people pleaser ~

its v clear why i thought of joey & fran for inspo ( espeeeeecially fran, now that i think about it: i.e. constantly searching for love, lovingly obnoxious ) but as for why she’s like molly gunn... bitch is uhhh naive as fuck and will trust anyone who is even a little bit nice to her so peep her constantly seeing everyone through rose colored glasses and immediately feeling like her heart is broken when they turn out to be someone completely different lmao! also yk in the little mermaid when ariel was like “but daddy, i love him!” ??? YEAH, that’s mara to a fucking T, m8!

i could quite literally go on and on for hours, but to keep it short and sexy, here’s her stats page & i’ll follow up with a list of some little tidbits of info.. some Quirks, if u will..

she hiccups when she cries & BOY does she cry often BVJNCDKM

cannot cook a single mf thing to save her life? yeah.. her parents wanted to let her work in the bakery but .. she burned everything so she was cashier ;)

can quote the entirety of bring it on: all or nothing & as a segue from that, she is very chatty during movies if she’s with even one other person but Silent when she’s alone

will challenge anyone and everyone to mario kart wii as long as she gets to play yoshi ( she has a vendetta against baby peach )

is Constantly Freezing, so she’s always in thick socks and turns the heat up high when she’s at home

has a cavalier king charles spaniel named piper ( yes, i'm using a fc for her dog )

i’m gonna b p selective with which ari songs she’s released both bc i dont like All of ari’s songs & for character purposes ( rip in peace, sweetener )

is classically trained on the piano and sometimes just plays classical music for fun, making up silly lyrics at parties and whatnot lol she’s just Fun & Quirky like that

owns every season of the o.c. on dvd

she has a car but i havent decided if she ever drives it ( or what kind it is, tho i assure u my virgo ass will be researching it at some point ) since she really just barely passed her driver’s test

is constantly in the tabloids for one dumbass thing after the other mostly as an excuse for me to make tabloid edits but like... i love that for her & will 100% be down to include any and all of u if u lmk u wanna be in one

and many more, but i’m really just sitting here rambling UGH EW so lms for plots cos i’m unprepared & i don’t have any wc’s! very on brand for me, i must say

#met:start #♡ — ❛ out of character. ❜ #when u use recycled tags and cant remember what the fuck they are? yeah #anyways!

[pcyheartgirlx]

In The Bleak Midwinter [CH17]

Genre ;; Angst/Smut/Fluff/Romance

Pairing ;; Chanyeol x Reader x Seokjin

Word Count ;; 6k

Summary ;; “We’re all whores, we just sell different parts of ourselves.”

You own a multi-billion dollar company, servicing the biggest names in kpop, in more ways than one. Under the name “Starlight Catering”, you, your best friends, Damon and Maya, and your hundreds of workers provide stress relief for idols.

You have partially retired, not because you didn’t want to, but because Chanyeol was your muse. He was all that you had time for and all you needed. Until Jin came along.

So what happens when you mix fire and ice?

You get smoke and all the lines are blurred.

A/N ;; I apologize in advance for the lack of smut and how short this chapter is buttttttt there are somethings that need to happen and they’re happening ;) have funnnn.

[PLAYLIST] [BACKSTORY] [PROLOGUE] [CH1] [CH2] [CH3] [CH4] [CH5] [CH6] [CH7] [CH8] [CH9] [CH10] [CH11] [CH12] [CH13] [CH14] [CH15] [CH16] [CH17] [CH18]

“May I please speak to Lee Sooman?” You said frantically into the phone, running your fingers through your hair as you paced back and forth in the living room.

“I’m afraid he’s not in right now, can I tak--”

“Where is he?” you balled your hand in a fist around a few strands if hair, wanting to pull it out but obviously, deciding against it.

“He’s in a meeting, m’am.”

“With who?”

“I’m afraid I can’t tell you. But I can take a message if--”

You couldn’t run around with circles anymore. You looked down at the cracked screen and hung up, throwing the already broken phone across the room in anger just as Jin did. It was already broken so who gives a fuck. But as it landed you just realized that Chanyeol might see the 20 times you tried calling him. And if he called you back, he might not be able to reach you. You ran to phone and kneeled on the floor as you picked up.

Great.

What was a large crack turned into a mosaic art piece. Still, you were able to see the screen, as you pulled up Chanyeol’s name from your address book you ignored the sharp pains on your finger. Even though there was a reddish stain on your phone, you put it up to your face, taking your bloodied finger to the sink as you heard the phone ring.

Come on pick up, you thought to yourself as you ran your hand under water, washing off the blood that was gushing from your fingers.

“Hey (Y/N),” you heard Kyungsoo’s voice fill your ear as you turned the water off.

“Kyungsoo! Hey! Where is Chanyeol?”

“He uh...he stepped out not to long after he hung up with you. Well, not with you but you know…” You inhaled deeply, taking a piece of paper towel and applying pressure to your cuts.

“That guy is a fuckin jerk! I’m surprised someone as sweet as Tae gets along with him,” Baekhyun chimed in. You furrowed your eyebrows as you weren’t expecting to hear his voice.

“Am I on speaker?”

“Yes,” Jongin’s voice followed your question.

“Wait how many of you are there?”

“Just us three,” Kyungsoo replied softly.

“Well, do you know where he went? I called to apologize…” You said with sincerity. There was a silence from the three men on the other line.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Kyungsoo admitted, breaking the silence.

“Yea. Chanyeol was pissed. He just got up and left without saying a word,” Baekhyun added. The pain in your fingers was now being dulled because the heaviness in your chest started to eat away at you.

“Maybe if she talks to him, he’ll feel better,” Jongin said sweetly. You smiled a bit. He was always the one that was rooting not only for you and Chanyeol, but he was rooting for you. “I mean this wasn’t entirely her fault and we know that. You guys heard her. She kept telling Jin to stop.” You guys heard her? Oh no…

“Wait...did you guys...hear the whole thing?”

“Well….yea,” You could hear the awkwardness in Kyungsoo’s voice. Hell, you could feel the awkwardness in the room and you weren’t even there.

“This is a little embarrassing, huh?” Baekhyun chuckled nervously, trying to cut the tension in the conversation.

“Baek, Kyungsoo, Nini, I’m so sorry. That just...I feel terrible and--”

“It’s okay, (Y/N),” Kyungsoo interjected and you were thankful for that. You could feel the sob that was itching to come out. Embarrassed wasn’t the word. Humiliated didn’t do this feeling justice.

“We understand more than anyone that life can be complicated sometimes,” Baekhyun comforted sweetly.

“(Y/N), just do us one favor. Please,” Jongin begged. You bit your lip and shook your head as if they were there to see it.

“Anything.”

“Trust Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo said instantly.

“He loves you so much, (Y/N),” Baekhyun’s voice became louder as you could hear him shifting closer to the phone. “Hyung has been a man obsessed these past few weeks.��

“Obsessed? With what?” You questioned. Cocking your head to the side at Baekhyun’s statement.

“Obsessed with your future together,” Jongin’s voice was gentle and doting. Much different from Baekhyun’s lively pitch.

“And that’s all we can say,” that lively pitch added.

“That’s not fair!” you pouted. You could hear chuckling on the other end. It was just like them to laugh at your expense.

“I think I might know where he is,” Kyungsoo tried changing the subject. You knew that Baekhyun and Jongin were easy to weasel information out of but not while Kyungsoo was there.

“Me too. I think it’d be better if I went,” Jongin said calmly, causing Baekhyun to let out a hearty laugh.

“Right! Like Kyungsoo well let you console his very best friend. We all know I--”

“You know you might be right,” Kyungsoo said, agreeing with Jongin as he cut Baekhyun off.

“Wha...but...hey! This is favoritism! If I knew that all I had to do was sleep with Kyungsoo to get him to let me do what I want I would have--”

“Uh...not to be annoying but I’m still here,” you interrupted before Baekhyun and Kyungsoo got into another one of their playful debates.

“Oh right. Hang on,” Jongin said before you heard a loud rustling coming from the other line. It wasn’t just the blood that was still running down your fingers that made your palms moist. Your hands became clammy because you had no idea what you wanted to say. What could you say anyway? He was probably thinking the worst. And who can blame him really? It wasn’t like you had ever given him a reason not to. Your head shot up as you heard a mixture of Jongin and Chanyeol’s voices being exchanged in conversation. It wasn’t long before you heard one final rustle and you swallowed hard, preparing for whatever Chanyeol needed to say to you.

“What do you want?” Chanyeol snapped as he sniffled into the phone. The heaviness in your chest became too much for you to bear and the sound of Chanyeol’s broken voice was the last thing you needed to hear before you felt your heart starting to split.

“My baby boy…” your tone was gentle, almost like a whisper you had trouble straining out. “I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry about what? About the way he spoke to me? Because I know you’re not sorry for being with him,” his words were fierce, taking you down every notch you ever put yourself on. You did this to him. You broke him.

“I’m sorry that I hurt you,” your voice was trembling, hoping he could feel the shame in your tone. “And...I’m sorry it’s becoming a pattern.”

“Yea well, I’m sorry too,” he scoffed.

“For what?”

“I’m sorry I fell in love with you.”

“I deserved that,” you said shakily swallowing the lump in your throat that threatened to break loose. “Do you really mean that?”

There was a lingering silence before he uttered “No”.

“Let me make this up to you somehow. We can go to the zoo. I’ll rent the park for a day and--”

“Where are you?” his voice was unapologetic as he cut you off.

“I’m home, why?”

“He was in the apartment?” Chanyeol snarled.

“I didn’t invite him...but yea,” you tried to defend yourself but you knew it was to no avail. Chanyeol just let out an exasperated sigh and you could almost see him massaging the bridge of his nose in stress.

“I can’t even leave the country for a few days, (Y/N). This is making me lose my mind.”

“I know...I know. But it’ll be over soon.”

“I want it to be over now.”

“I can’t just break his heart like that, Chanyeol. I know you don’t know him but--”

“Really, (Y/N)?” his voice started rising as you defended Jin. You admit it wasn’t the smartest thing but you were hoping he would understand. “You’re not okay with breaking his heart but you’re okay with breaking mine?”

“I never said that!”

“You know what, fuck you!”

“Chanyeol!”

“I’m tired of ‘I’m sorry’ and I’m tired of not being good enough…”

“Don’t even think that way, that’s just nonsense. Chanyeol I know you’re upset but...hello? Chanyeol? Are you there?” You pulled the phone away from your face to see that he had ended the call. “UGH!” At this point, you really didn’t give a fuck anymore. You threw your phone again, letting it land where ever it may. The clatter of the phone landing to the ground made it hard for you to hear the door opening.

“Hey gi--Bitch why are you bleeding?!” Damon said frantically as he ran over to you. You shook your head and choked back tears.

“It’s my fault.”

“Honey…” Damon said taking you into an embrace. “If it makes you feel better, some guy in a van almost ran me over because he was driving like a maniac. He kind of looked like Jin now that I think about it.”

“Damon,” you said before you started to sob. “I fucked up…”

“What happened?”

X-x-x

“Well shit,” Damon sighed as he leaned back on the couch, absorbing everything you had just told him while he handed you a tissue. “That was a foul move on Jin’s part.” You nodded and blew your nose, letting more tears stream down your face. “Maybe I can talk to Sehun to see if he can knock some sense into Chanyeol. I mean this wasn’t entirely your fault.”

“But it is Damon,” you said as you felt another sob creeping up. “If I just walked out of his room and gone into Yoongi’s. If I just cut Chanyeol off the minute he told me he was falling for me. I’m not going to choose either of them and here they are, arguing over me like there’s hope for either one of them. I have to stop this. I--”

“(Y/N), listen,” Damon interjected as he saw your face contort, letting that sob out after all. “I know you say you aren’t going to choose either of them. And I’m going to support anything you do” He leaned in and put a hand on your thigh. “Even though I think you deserve at least to find happiness in one of them. But Lord knows you won’t listen to me.”

“Damon, get to the point.”

“Ugh fine...New Years is coming up. And if you need a new beginning, now is the time to start. Get your final hoorahs of 2017 and walk into 2018 a new woman.”

“After New Years? I don’t know if I can wait that lo--”

“It’s only a few days shit Just stick it out, hoe. I have a good feeling about this. Plus, New Year, New You. No more falling in love. No more men. Just Starlight, and us...if that’s what you really want.”

“Us?”

“Me and Maya, stupid. I know you guys are still mad at each other but she’ll come around. And you, just breathe,” as he said this, he put a hand on your back and shifted in his seat so he was facing you. “We can get through this.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” you said as you gripped onto the cushions of the couch.

“Probably die,” he chuckled, bringing a smile to your face. “Come on. Let’s order some pizza and talk about our next Starlight event before you go to Jin’s.”

“What about the article?”

“Oh yea!” Damon chimed as he took his phone out. “Watch this.” You both waited a bit as he dialed a number and it rang. “Sophie! Darling! How are you?....Oh that’s good to hear, babygirl and how are kids?...aw that’s adorable!...Listen, Soph. I was wondering if you could tell me where I might be able to reach Mr. Sooman...I know I know but do you think you can just do this for me?...Just this once?...Oh really? Thanks for the tid bit. Yes! Definitely, let’s do lunch. Okay...okay...bye bye....bye!”

“How did you--”

“Doesn’t matter,” Damon shrugged and started tapping his phone. “She told me that she couldn’t tell me where he was but to check Naver. So that’s what I’m doing and…” his voice trailed off as he squinted at the screen. You started to shake your knee impatiently as you watched him.

“And…? What’s going on?”

“Here,” he gave you his phone and you read the article.

Nation’s Boyfriend turned Nation’s CEO? The new title added to Park Chanyeol’s resume and the newest addition to SM behind it all.

Last night, Chanyeol was seen leaving Jihwaya restaurant with the newest addition to SM’s business advisory directors. (Y/N), the owner and CEO of Starlight catering the most prestigious party planning company in the music platform. A source says Chanyeol is planning to buy a company with hopes that it will thrive internationally.

“I think he will be successful in his plans. It helps that he has a team with people like (Y/N) to help him to the top,” the source disclosed with us. We asked him about the dating rumors that have been circulating and Lee Sooman, CEO of SM Entertainment, was quick to make a statement.

“His schedule doesn’t allow it unfortunately,” Sooman says regretfully. “In addition to that, I don’t believe he is worried about relationships right now. The only love Chanyeol has is the love for his work and for EXO-L’s of course.”

No word from Chanyeol yet as he has arrived in Japan to continue ElyXiOn #4 for the holidays. More will be added once we are updated.

“Wow, he really did fix the article.”

“You see!” Damon assured as he took the phone away from you. “All that worrying you do. I swear.”

“Well…”

“Well nothing,” he said sticking his tongue out. “I’m ordering this damn pizza now. You need it more than you know.”

After the pizza came, the both of you scarfed it down like you hadn’t eaten a damn day in your life. You both sat there with your full bellies poking out through your shirts and wanting to take the nap of the century. Still, you had somewhere to be so you pushed yourself off the couch and got ready for night with Jin. Damon assisted you, helping you find an outfit sexy enough to make him eat his heart out. When the both of you settled on an outfit, he handed you the keys to his car, knowing that if he didn’t Jin would drive you home and you needed to lay low after this fiasco with Dispatch.

“Thank you, Damon. You’re the best,” you said as you hugged him.

“We been knew,” He chuckled confidently as he pulled out. “Now go get your back blown out.”

X-x-x

As you walked out of the car and down the street, you thought about how tonight was going to go. You hadn’t been to the BigHit dorms in a while and you were excited to see the boys. To ease your tension, you thought about Jimin’s smiling face as you walked in and Tae sweetly running up to you and hugging you. Passing by the empty concierge desk, Yoongi came to mind and Hobi’s toothy grin. Jungkook and Namjoon’s way of using dry humor to make you laugh was something you definitely needed. You weren’t sure if Jin was still in a foul mood but you hoped things were just as you had left it.

When you got to their dorm, you knocked as you always did. It was rather quiet and it worried you a bit. Not that you didn’t want to see Jin alone but you were hoping that you could spend some time with the members. To your surprise, Namjoon opened the door looking down at you with a serious look on his face.

“Namjoon! Hey! May I come in?” You said sweetly, hoping this will break his stoic expression. It did, but not by much.

“Yea! Come in,” he said as he moved to the side as you stepped in.

“Where’s Jin?” You asked watching him close the door. He cleared his throat before he motioned you to walk with him.

“He’s not here...him and the guys went out for a second.”

“Ahhh, I see.” It looked like he wanted to say something to you but you brushed it off as you made your way into their kitchen, sitting down at the round table. A soft smile played on your face as you ran your fingers along the wood, reminising on your first ‘date’ with Jin and how amazing his spaghetti tasted. “I’ll just wait here then.”

“That’s actually perfect,” Namjoon agreed as he sat down next to you. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

“What is it?” You questioned curiously as you faced him. He swallowed hard before he leaned his elbow on the table.

“Well...you and Jin are getting pretty serious, correct?”

“I suppose you can say that.”

“You suppose?” Namjoon cocked an eyebrow at your statement. You bit your lip and sighed.

“What’s with this question?”

“Well,” he began, figeting a little nervously. “I never thought I would have to have this talk with anyone but if you and Jin are going to start dating there are things you need to know. Like that BTS always comes first and--”

“Joonie...did Jin tell you me and him were dating?”

“Well...no.”

“Then no offense but maybe we should have this conversation if we cross that bridge.”

“And I understand that (Y/N). I really do. But Jin disappeared today without telling us. We were all scared and worried and it turns out he was with you. Now, I know it wasn’t your fault but we tried calling you and your phone was off,” you thought about Namjoon’s words and then realized that Jin had turned your phone off because Chanyeol kept calling. You shook your head and decided not to tell Namjoon about it, not sure if Jin disclosed what happened or not. You were determined to find out.

“I’m so sorry about that. What did Jin say when he got back?”

“I’m assuming you guys fought and made up. He was in a shitty mood and came back like nothing happened. He actually told me that you were having problems with your phone…”

“So what’s this all about then?”

“I just want you to know that we all love you, truly. And if you love us, next time just...give us a call if Jin shows up angry like that.” He knew.

“How do you know he was angry?” you asked curiously.

“Because Jin doesn’t just up and leave like that unless something happened. And he doesn’t pick up if phone if he’s angry. We thought we did something, honestly.”

“No...no it was all me,” the shame in your voice was apparent. Namjoon put a hand on your shoulder and shook you lightly.

“Hey…” you looked up at him and saw him grinning at you comfortingly. “I know those feelings make you do stupid thing and the situation you’re in is fucked. But you’re doing the best you can with what is given to you. Just give Jin a chance to prove himself,” he leaned back and crossed his arms. “He’s defintely worth it...not saying Chanyeol isn’t but--”

“No I get it…” An awkward silence fell upon you too. He looked away and sighed.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure anything, Joon.” You reassured him while he stood up straight and gazed at you almost quizzically.

“What’s your relationship with Chanyeol like? What I mean to say is I’ve seen how Jin talks about you. And he talks a lot,” Namjoon smiled a bit and shook his head. “Always about the time he spends with you…including the...you know,” you giggled as his cheeks started to turn a shade of red but he continued. “Anyway...my question is...well…” Namjoon was having a difficult time trying to come up with the most delicate words to articulate his curiosity. You knew what he wanted to ask so you just smiled and shrugged.

“Why am I with Chanyeol still if Jin treats me like a princess?” Namjoon’s eyes widened and he scratched the back of his head.

“That isn’t exactly how I wanted to put it,” he chuckled nervously, studying your expressions to find an indication of your mind state. But you weren’t angry nor were you uncomfortable. It was a reasonable question and being that the relationship these boys had was like family, he was genuinely curious. Not for himself but for his hyung.

“You want the long version or the short version?” you said interlacing your fingers on your lap.Namjoon leaned foward toward you and furrowed his eyebrows.

“Whichever one you feel like telling.” You cleared your throat at his statement and adjusted yourself in your seat.

“Well, Chanyeol helped me get out of a really bad relationship--”

“With Jiyong, right?”

“What?” Cocking your head back, you let a look of perplexity show. Namjoon just shrugged and grinned a bit.

“You didn’t think I was going to let my group get involved with a company and not do my research?” He scoffed confidently before he continued, resting his elbows on his lap and he leaned forward. “You and Jiyong started the company. I heard from a few people you two were engaged.” It was like someone was gripping at your throat, squeezing so the air couldn’t get out. It had been a while since you heard that name and it wasn’t like you weren’t okay with that. Hearing Jiyong’s name always left you shaken and unnerved. In an instant there was a mental projector that switched on. Scenes of Jiyong flashed in your mind. Images of his hands running though your body as you straddled him to driving fast down the high way with him, doing lines on the dashboard, laying in the tub with him filled with money on the first night  you two scored big with Starlight. But the scenes changed to a darker tone. It was those scenes that you hated the most. The way he threw you around when you angered him, the way he screamed in your face and called you nothing as his hands wrapped around your throat. All the times you saw him turn into a monster...watching people die at his hands. Watching people die at your hands. Sometimes and actually alot of the time, you blamed him. He brought this back with you guys. The things you hated found their way here because Jiyong got off on it. But then, you thought you were cursed. The violence that you wanted to get away from followed you back. It was like no matter what you were destined to kill...just like your family intented to. But then you met Chanyeol…

“Yes, Jiyong was my fiance. And I had very fond memories of him...but the bad outweighed the good and Chanyeol helped me realized that,” you sighed as you leaned back, letting thoughts of Chanyeol invade the projector. You smiled to yourself a bit and Namjoon noticed. “He treated me like I was a person. A real woman. He helped me heal from that. Jiyong did a lot of damage, Namjoon. Things he did…”

“I can imagine,” Namjoon cut you off, with a softness in his voice. “I heard about...his problem. The coke…”

“Yes well...hey, does Jin know about Jiyong?” You never told him before, just because you felt it was inappropriate and the conversation you were having now with Namjoon is not one you wanted to have with Jin.

“I haven’t told him. And I think it’s best if you did...on your own terms of course. But anyway, we were talking about Chanyeol,” You nodded and felt a sense of relief as he motioned for you to continue.

“Chanyeol is...lively. His energy is incredible and when he feels emotions, he feels them with every fiber of his being. He’s charming and there’s never a dull moment with him. At first things were just all about lust and then it blossomed into passion. He’s always been there to make sure nothing would ever hurt me again. He...he protects me a lot.” The words almost put you in a trance. The security you felt in his arms was nothing you could ever articulate. How you melted at his touch and the reassurance he gave you was blissful. Namjoon studied the look on your face and brought a hand up to his chin.

“I get it now.”

“You do?”

“Yea. Chanyeol showed you love. True love. And something like that isn’t something you can throw away. But…” his voice trailed off as he looked at you, watching the serenity leave you demeanor.

“But?”

“Well, Jin can do all that and more, (Y/N). I’m not you and I can’t feel what you feel. But speaking on his behalf, he’s head over heels for you. I’m going to let you in on something,” he smiled as he looked at his hands then back at you. “There’s nothing stopping Jin when he’s determined.” Even though you let a smile play across your face, trying to assure Namjoon that his words weren’t going unheard, you felt absolutely broken. After the holidays, you told yourself. This will all be over.

As his text tone pinged in his pocket, Namjoon took it out and examined the screen, grinning widely before he looked at you. “They’re almost here,” he said as he got up. “Which means you need to put this on and so do I.” As he said this, he jogged away hurriedly and came back with two knitted pull overs. “Here,” he quirked as he threw one to you and laughed as it fell over your face. You pulled it off you and examined the most ugliest Christmas sweater you had ever seen. A small detail made you smile though. Instead of Santa riding a sleigh, it was that cutest white alpaca in the world, RJ.

“What’s this?” You chuckled as you started to pull it over you. “It’s cute!”

“This,” Namjoon grunted as he poked his head out of the sweater. “Is your first and hopefully many more Bangtan Christmas.”

x-x-x

  He sighed as he leaned against the wall, looking down at his phone as he ran his fingers through his hair. Thinking about how he ached and the way he shivered as his sweaty body against the cold air in the garage. It was worth it though. What seemed like endless practice would all pay off. Not just for him and the other 3 men he was to share the stage with, but for the fans. For VIP. They needed this more than he did. It pained him to think about the day he dreaded for so long. Enlistment day was right around the corner...and he just couldn’t grasp that idea.

His head shot up as he saw a black van roll into the garage and pull in front of him.

“Finally,” he mumbled to himself as he walked toward the car. As the door opened, his face dropped.

“Get in,” a man said, holding a gun out infront of him. Jiyong wanted to run but it wasn’t just one barrel of a revolver but 3 others that stared him in the face. He swallowed hard as he walked toward the car and sat in the back. The minute he sat down, the world darkened as he felt a hood being placed over his head.

“Is this necessary?” he growled as he felt a pair of hands tying his own behind his back.

“Very,” a voice said, he felt the car move forward and his heart dropped, knowing exactly who’s doing this was and why this was happening.

(Y/N)

It was her fault. This was all because of her. He should have just left her to rot. He should have never fell for that American charm. Those curves that got him dizzy just thinking about how his hands run up and down them. The smell of her perfume still made him sick and sometimes, he laid there and thought about how they were. Her memory made his stomach churn and his heart burn in fury. Now, he just accepted his fate. Tears wanted to roll down his face as he felt two pairs of hands pull him out of the car, dragging him in whatever direction they pushed him in.

“Where are we going?” Jiyong spat, struggling to break free from the grasps of the men who dragged him. No answer. He struggled a bit more and grunted.

“Let me fucking go.” But his word went unnoticed as he felt the cold air disappear behind him. He was inside now. Somewhere, still not knowing where the fuck somewhere was. Suddenly, he felt himself getting shoved into a seat. As they pulled the hood off him, he looked around him frantically.

It looked like an abandoned warehouse, there was a shitty little table in front of him that separated him from the enemy.

There he was. Standing there with 3 men behind him and 3 men around himself, a total of 7 guns pointed at him. Jiyong just laughed at he looked at his enemy.

“You finally found me. Did you kill your sister yet?” He spat as he looked at the man up and down. The man leaned in, placing his hands on the table as Jiyong got a better look at his face.

“Listen to me and you listen to me good because I aint fucking repeating myself.”

“Fuck you,” Jiyong snarled as he tried to stand from his seat only to be brought back down by the men behind him.

“That’s not very nice considering I was going to be your brother in law,” the man chuckled cooly. In a blink of an eye, he grabbed the table and flung it to the side, letting the bang startled Jiyong in his seat.

“Oh, that was so scary, Dominic. Is that how you used to scare (Y/N) when you all were babies? Flipping tables and dry ass humo--AH!” Jiyong was interrupted by the collision of Dominic’s fist in his stomach. Jiyong doubled over and coughed as the wind was knocked out of him. But the men at his side grabbed him by the shoulders and brought him back to a straight poster.

“That little business you and my disgrace of a sister started...It’s over,” Dominic seethed as he walked towards Jiyong.

“Good for you. What does that have to do with me?” Dominic towered over him and smirked.

“Everything…” he turned on his heel and started pacing back and forth in front of a bound Jiyong, who was glaring at him. “You see, we have it all set up already. We know where she lives, who she stays with, who she’s fucking. Shit, we even infiltrated the most important night of her career.”

“Yea, I heard she made a fortune at the Gayo. I guess you didn’t do as well you hoped,” Jiyong sneered. One of the goons gripped the handle of his gun as he pointed it at Jiyong still. Dominic just put his hand up and exchanged words with him in Italian, Jiyong trying desperately to decipher their words.

“Ah well you know my sister. Resilient and stupid. She spent the whole night with these two idiots...she actually thinks she loves them. You’re living proof of the fact that she will do anything for love. Absolutely anything,” Dominic laughed at the thought then shook his head. Jiyong grew tired of Dominic’s antics and tried to break free from the ropes that bound his hands behind him. He sighed in fury as he looked up at the Italian.

“What do you want from me, you fucking wop?” One of the hench men grabbed Jiyong forcibly, bringing his revolver to him temple.

“Let me off him, boss. We don’t need him. We can do this ourselves.”

“Smettila! Non ci sporchiame le mani qui, capito?” Dominic bellowed as he watched his 6 henchmen cower at his beckoning. The man didn’t lower his weapon but it was no longer making contact with Jiyong’s forehead. Dominic toyed with his gun as if to instill fear into Jiyong. Although Jiyong didn’t show it, it was working.

“Expose her business. Publicly. No one will want to do business with her. Even if she clears her image,” Jiyong pursed his lips as Giovanni spoke, rolling his eyes at his plan.

“So you ruin her business and pit the two guys she’s fucking against her. That’s your master plan? I thought the mafia was this powerful fuckin force. Now you guys are crashing bake sales…” Dominic needed to show Jiyong he wasn’t playing. He brought his gun up and started to inch closer to him until he felt the cool metal against his forehead. “Okay, Okay. I’m listening but can you just put the gun down? Shit…”

“This is a big bake sale. Starlight goes down, she becomes vulnerable. We come in. Take her back to America. And my father….well...he’ll deal with her,” Dominic just smiled devilishly as he never took the gun off Jiyong. Jiyong swallowed hard. Even when he was staring into the face of death, he didn’t care. Everything in this life he ever thought had meaning walked out on him. Not even the coke kept him happy anymore.

“Why should I help you guys? I hate her with all my guts. But I don’t want her to die. And I think I hate you guys more,” Dominic smiled at his statement, taking Jiyong aback. He removed the gun from his forehead and stuck it back in his holster. He started pacing again, crossing his arms and cupping his chin.

“Well that’s where you have a choice!” He stopped in front of Jiyong and eyed him as he shifted in his seat as if he was trying to escape. This amused Dominic. Where was he going to go when he had 6 guns pointing at him? “You can die now or you can die at the hands of a misfired rifle when you enlist. The choice is yours if you don’t want to help.”

It didn’t seem like much of a choice for Jiyong. Granted he hated his life, but he didn’t want to die. He didn’t want (Y/N) to die either. For now, he would have to agree to this plan and think of a way to warn (Y/N).

“So is there a script you want me to read or? Where am I doing this?” Jiyong agreed reluctantly, causing Dominic’s smile to go unphased. He shook his head and stopped pacing.

“We’ll let her have her holiday. My nonna would be turning in her grave if she knew we were doing business so close to christmas. So after the holidays, you will make a statement. Live on IG or Cockcow or whatever social media platform you Asians use out here.”

“Cockcow. That’s cute,” Jiyong rolled his eyes and sighed. He didn’t want to seem like he was so eager to help so he added a few sarcastic comments to play this new part. “You guys are crazy. Can’t I just tell a reporter or something?” His words didn’t go as well perceived as he hoped. The seven men around him drew their weapons closer to him, the clinking of metal filled the room as did the nervous tension that Jiyong omitted. “Alright, alright. You Italians love airing your dirty laundry out there don’t you?” Dominic lowered his gaze at him and started to inch closer to him. He put the barrel of his gun under Jiyong’s chin and got a kick of out the sheer look of panic that washed over him as he did so.

“January 2nd...or we’ll come looking for you…” Dominic smirked at him, looking at the men next to Jiyong as he swatted his hand towards the tied up man. “Take him away.”

Jiyong sighed as the world got dark around him again, letting a single tear break from his eye as the hood tied around his neck.

What the fuck did this bitch get me into?

A/N ;; to be continued...

#bts #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #kim seokjin #kim taehyung #kim namjoon #min yoongi #park jimin #jeon jungkook #Jung HoSeok #bts fluff #bts angst #bts smut #bts and exo #exo and bts #exo #exo fanfiction #kim minseok #kim jongdae #park chanyeol #kim junmyeon #kim jongin #oh sehun #do kyungsoo #zhang yixing #byun baekhyun #chanyeol x reader x jin #chanyeol x you x jin

[stannamarsh]

Souvenirs From Hell

Souvenirs From Hell, by H.R Martin, (AKA YokoKoko on Tumblr, though this is the best edit.) I worked all day on this and forgot to eat. ----------------------------------------- Maya Angelou once commented that, "There's no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you." A certain person who will be mentioned later gave the opposite advice. Don't tell stories. Stories make one accountable. . Anyway, this story is unapologetic and it is all mine. What I learned recently has to do with the difference between life as a messed up 24 or 25 year old and one as a messed up 29 year old, aka me. It starts with knowing what you want and planning how to get it. Knowing that your fuck-ups are your responsibility. Knowing you're a mentally ill bitch who says harsh things, making the granary of truth in your words harder to hear. It's frustrating that you were attempting to communicate but somehow you got it all wrong. It's wanting desperately to be more thoughtful, helpful, intelligent, necessary and kind with your words. It's striving for the best in every action I choose to take. I want to be a decent human being. Due to my flaws, it's a struggle. Knowing isn't the issue. Doing right is the challenge. As for the five years growth between 24 and 29 I never believed it was that big of a difference until I lived it. That gap, in my experience is filled with codependency and attempts to train or fix someone. This is how we drive ourselves crazy. It's their journey. Not letting others walk their own journey or not being left alone to walk it is 90% of our therapists' jobs. We should work on ourselves. Because many, if not most partners that we try to prod and improve, and love into what we need them to be are stubborn idiots, and frankly so are we, for attempting to do this. I don't want to waste my fucking energy trying to train them to man/woman/non-binary up and be friggin grownups. Not my circus, not my monkeys, and most certainly, not my cage. Now that the intro is finished, the goals. I want: 1) A home that is mine. Not living in a hippie garbage can or benign drug house, albeit one with a chill vibe, in a nice neighborhood full of little-free-libraries, with nice people who are doing their best so you can't really blame them. But goddammit, I want different. It scared me that this was becoming my life. Is this my scene? What about my goals? I got negative and bitchy, and eventually exploded despite your stellar hospitality. I'm trying to work on these things at my own place, but humans are influenced by their friends. I need to distance myself until my living space at Hawk's Ridge is up to my standards, I need to work on that. Yours can be whatever you want it to be. And the hypothetical me with my shit together would give zero fucks about that, once I'm confident that I have my own standards in place. Otherwise, I get very anxious. 2) A solid community of friends and family who are "going places" in life, to the best of their individual ability (which does not mean under the constant influence of recreational yet legal prescriptions.) I'm not judging, given my penchant for these, and the fact that I'm starting NA tonight. Legal drugs that become a grey area between therapeutic and recreational are fun, but they won't help you achieve you goals. Anxiolytics are for anxiety, or the dentist. Vicodin is for pain and don't mix either with copious amounts of alcohol. That's why you spend too much time throwing up instead of doing fun things, like a cancer patient with much nicer hair. Also, drink water if you want to keep up with Mexicans, working in the hot sun without getting heat exhaustion. Common sense, people. I'm not saying your pain isn't real but some of it is your doing, just like some of mine is my doing. We have to hold ourselves accountable, better ourselves, drink and smoke weed socially and responsibly on VACATION (not stupidly or ever before getting behind the wheel.) Get with the program. People with more obstacles than solid doctors, helpful family, and a paid-off home do it every day. This was what I was keeping to myself until I said it in the wrong way while crying in your bathtub, "communicating" why I was harshing your buzz with my negativity. At the time, I had had a Klonopin, a Xanax, a Vicodin, another Xanax, another Xanax, and alcohol. I'm not a puker. I'm a cathartic, brutally honest crier, which is as bad a vomit in its own way. It smells better but takes longer to clean up. I'm sorry I hurt that sweet boy's feelings through the wall and seemed ungrateful for your hospitality. It's my fault for taking all those drugs, but I wasn't comfortable, something was wrong, I couldn't put my finger on it, and I repressed it with anything available to keep from being rude. It didn't work. There was truth in what I said, but the way I put it was mean, and unnecessary. Holding stuff in is bad for me. You said communicate. I said what I said and if I hadn't said it then, I would have done so eventually. Yes, I am grateful to people who open their homes to me, go on adventures with me, share their possessions with me. Catharsis can be cruel. I can't hang around you when I have 99 problems to solve already. Whether you would even want that is a mystery to me. I'll be busy but I still care. Though, I expect at this point, it's tl;dr for the both of you. That's another thing. Friends are people for whom tl;dr does not exist, unless they've had a stroke or something. 3) If there is a love mate out there for me, a soulmate if such a thing exists, I want to encounter this person on my adventures. I don't chase or look, because it depresses me and reduces love "such that it is" to consumption, or a meal ticket, a housing situation, a drug connection, a business deal, or a codependent puddle of mutual enabling. It's worse than any drug, save needles, meth, or crack, and all too often often, "love" drives otherwise healthy people down that road. 4. I want to go to Boulder, CO, my own personal Mecca. My condolences that police and a drugged hippie were mutually stupid and it resulted in tragedy. I mean the guy was strung out running naked in public. The worst child murder/ rape in recent memory went down there too, but people move on and this is where I want to live. This is my goal and I'm strong enough to not let news reports stop me from achieving what I want. 5. I want my MLIS and I will get it in December. When I get my debt and income under control, I want to participate in a BA to MD/PH.D program because once I'm stable, and clean, I know I can buckle down, tear through that MCAT and make it happen. See, when I was messed up, I at least knew enough not to hurt myself or spend the next day vomiting. Let's turn this sad, low-rent talent of mine into something that can help people. Want to be: medical librarian, doctor, medical PH.D (You heard me: MUD/FUDD), writer,Gonzo blogger, adventurer, world traveler, and at times, gainfully unemployed. These will all happen if I go to my meetings and follow Dr. Robert's advice: Get clean, hang out only with stable people who are tackling their goals, and achieve my scholarly potential, which truth be told, is at least a Masters' and an M.D/Ph.D. Not to brag, but that potential is somewhere between Lisa Simpson and Malcolm in the MIddle. (Meaning I'm probably a crazy genius, and if I'm retarded, John is a vegetable, organic I hope, so as compost he can me useful.) People say all the time that you're too old to start over. If someone can't do it they want to tell you that you can't either. Age is just a number. And truth be told, I'd rather die learning than being stuck in mediocrity. 6. I want happiness, stability, freedom from drama. attachment issues, an end to envy that a friend or acquaintance has someone, no matter how messed up the situation. I want independence, to control my compulsive, self destructive need to help others when there's shit I have to do for myself, just to prove my worth and keep them from leaving me. I end up burnt out and I become unnecessarily honest at people. I need to trust my vibes. If a situation feels icky or grasping or just plan dirty, I'm out. It's been real. Thanks for having me. Time to go slay the other goals. 7. MONEY...ENOUGH money that I have everything I want and need,within reason and accounting for storage space: a home, a housekeeper, or at least some kind of professional organizer to help me with cleaning and beautifying my abode, which is not my forte. My wonderful parents Susan Coleman and Donald Jeff Martin are helping me follow my bliss. They are the absolute best parents. I can never do enough to properly thank them for giving me life, taking a great risk to do so, for my dad taking the time to give private preschool quality education to me as a toddler so now math and languages are easy, for my mom who taught me about feminism, and whether she knew it or not, supercharged my innate qualities of forthrightness, justice, and the desire to fight for what's right. Thanks for teaching me right from wrong,and taking care of me. I had an enriched life, despite our initial lack of money. That is a miracle. My parents (and my pets, and my goals) are, together MY EVERYTHING. Gratitude. Balance. Best Life. That's what I'm after. Money is the tool to reach goals, not the goal itself. 8. Lastly, I want adventure....safe, but not so safe that it isn't fun. Exploring the world, writing, experiencing, living. This alone will keep me from getting sucked into any sexist bullshit or dysfunctional "love" vortex. When I achieve THAT, the desire to hurt myself, check out, or die will be OVER forever. I know this instinctively. That's the GP. Hell. I might become a GP. But, I'd prefer something more Housean, such as Pathology or Internal Medicine, I am the queen of my castle. But, to paraphrase Marley, that castle is in my MIND. To paraphrase Thoreau, my castles in the sky are the shit. Now they and I need a proper FOUNDATION. None of this is meant to be a mean dig at Jexi. I call you this because I know you as a unit. Who are each of you individually?(Also, I don't think either of you are notorious enough to be figured out by that alone, so I'm attempting discretion.) This is just my perspective. My truth. Thank you's to: Gino Dykstra, Amy, the therapist, Doctor Robert Wesner, Dr Widitz, Dr. Don St. John, and Linda the P.C, and all the people from Partial Hospitalization and STEPPS. If I forget someone, add yourself. Oh, Lori Parrish Niemi, Christina Morris Penn-Goetsch, William Niemi, Jexi, for helping me gain this insight, and Keith E Gatling. Weirdly, I am also grateful for that squirrelly, two-faced bastard, John Trachsel, who made himself useful for the first time ever, by convincing me to abandon my impulsive suicide gesture. He didn't know who he was talking to so he treated me like a person/ possible lay for a while and pretended to care, right up until the point where he learned he had called me. I could hear him backtracking because he doesn't want people to know he talks to me. When I called him out on this, he called me crazy, "retarded", and finally admitted that he didnt want people to know he talked to me. He, in a his glory thinks he's too good to talk to me? I have his mugshot on my hard drive, named "ThereISAGod.jpg." This is bullshit because most people have no problem acting like a god-damn human toward me. Anyway, this is proof that even a shmuck-a- fuck like him may sometimes do good things by accident. Of course, if he'd caught on quicker, I think that he would have hung up immediately. If he, for one second believed that I, Hanna Martin. was distraught, suicidal, and in need of help, hell, that was his goal anyway, right? But screw you, I didn't kill myself. My point is that even though you badly need therapy and other help, you are not completely useless. There may still be inpatient help for you and I no longer wish you dead. Thanks to all who have helped. One day at a time.

[onsolicited]

self-assessment

I'm a snark master, hike loving book junkie. I'm a rosé sipping, champagne popping cardio bunny. I've got RBF, hard, and am not afraid to rock a boss business bitch bun with don't-sass-me-hoops to my daily grind. I'm a healthcare sweetheart, with a modeling side hustle. I've got a thyroid issue my doctor refuses to address, and my wardrobe is equal parts over-the-knee boots and athleisure. My eyes are blue, my hair is magenta, my rent is a mortgage. You want to talk nutrition? I've got a constant food diary logging in my brain. I rock the 80/20 principle so hard I'm more 70/30, but life is short and I like chocolate. However, that chocolate is dark because antioxidants are my Prince Charming. Relationship chatter? I'm ya girl. Logical to the point of scientific, and common sense is the coffee I drink erryday. I don't believe in trophies for participation, but I'll graciously thank you for a job well done. I'm more about experiences than things, but I'll buy that dress, because it's on sale and I've got an event coming up. I live for my family, love my friends, and hope for my great romance to come along, at a time when I can recognize and appreciate it. Structurally creative, with a need for fairness. I am who I am, unapologetically, but if you're offended, my b. I don't shoot to kill, but if there are two birds and I've got one stone? I'mma figure it out.

#helloworld #introduction #new to tumblr #new to this #my writing #writing #shameless #hashtag everything #too old for tumblr #model #snark #roséallday #champagne