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#the time on top of my 600 other projects. I think it's cool that it's gray so it does look like noodle (my cat)

reefer-reelz-n-reviews · 1 year

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The Sorcerer’s Apprentice (2010)

Smoking: Papa Smurf {I had attempted to rolls some jays for the movie but for some reason they wouldn’t stay sealed 😥}

Here is the little description from Disney+ “A modern-day sorcerer must make his seemingly average recruit into the ultimate apprentice.” I feel it sums it accurately. Now for my high mind to write this week’s entry 😊

We start off with a background on the 3 sorcerers that worked under Merlin, James A Stephens, and the evil Morgana, Alice Krige. We have Nicolas Cage playing Balthazar and Alfred Molina playing Horvath the dueling for good and evil. Then we get a glimpse a little more into the future of a young boy named Dave who is found out to be the Prime Merlinean.

Now we go 10 years later and adult Dave is played by Jay Baruchel. The voice of Hiccup in How to Train Your Dragon. I love the relationship Dave has with Bennet, played by Omar Benson Miller. Bennet wants to help him not be by himself and spend time with friends so he doesn’t get stuck in his science projects alone.

Nicolas Cage coming into save the day by turning wolves to puppies while riding a giant metal eagle. I mean can you talk about an entrance!

One of my favorite parts is coming up. The fight in China Town, and on top of that during a festival! We have the fight between Balthazar and Sun-Lok played by Gregory Woo. He has this really cool power where he turned one of the festival paper dragons into a real dragon and chase Dave around. I love how they use the confetti. Its just floating down gracefully, and then they use magic to manipulate it as well.

I’m watching the movie right now on Disney+, but I also have the DVD as well. In the special features they go into details about how they made the Merlin Circle because they didn’t want it to be put in but have it be real. Now I don’t remember a lot about what was said, okay okay, any of what was said ahahah, but I remember thinking it was interesting lol.

Watching Jay try to make a plasma bolt is hilarious! It’s like a whole training sequence where he is basically failing, and failing hilariously.

Now we have Horvath trying to get some more help by reaching out to Drake Stone, played by Toby Kebbell. He uses his sorcerer abilities to be a magician and make money by doing shows. Very good looking and killer accent 😍

There is a Star Wars reference in this movie. Thinking about it. I wonder if in some how Disney new that 2 years after this movie came out they would take the Star Wars franchise?

Then they is the wonderful scene where Dave leaves his lab to be cleaned by his magic. This scene was done with a lot of people in green outfits being different kinds of cleaning supplies. It is an ode to the scene in Fantasia where Mickey Mouse puts on Merlin’s hat and does the same thing with the brooms and mops. They did a REALLY good job putting it all together.

And I just got a 10min interruption by a cat. Calcifur apparently needed my attention for a little while lol.

Snack Break!

I got this way too huge slice of cake. Its soooo good and coconutty 🤤

Can’t believe I’ve gotten almost 600 words in and haven’t even mentioned Dave’s love interest Becky, played by Teresa Palmer. They have a very cute relationship that buds throughout the movie.

Now we get to the last battle. Morgana has been brought back through the 3rd sorcerer Veronica, played by Monica Bellucci. Morgana’s soul is connected to Veronica’s and she is trying to complete the ritual she was stopped from in the beginning of the movie.

We have Balthazar and Horvath battling each other while she is shooting fire balls up in the sky and no one in New York is paying any attention to it. Nor was I for the last 5 mins lol. I got distracted on my phone for a minute there.

Dave gets to battle Morgana in the end, and you know, stuff happens. Once again, trying not to ruin stuff here lol!

Hope you enjoyed this week’s review! Till next time ❤

-RRR

#james a stephens #alice krige #nicolas cage #alfred molina #jay baruchel #omar benson miller #Gregory woo #toby kebbell #teresa palmer #monica bellucci #the sorcerer's apprentice

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soulsilversprings · 2 years

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Goh Wants In (WIP/Excerpt)

I've had this idea bouncing around in my head for months... might write an expanded/AO3 version at some point? Lmk what you think!

Fandom: Pokémon

Relationships: established Ash/Gary/Misty, potential Ash/Gary/Goh

Word count: ~600

Summary: Goh meets the perfect guy, only to find out that he's taken... by two people, actually. Is there room for one more?

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At twenty years old, Goh had just met the cutest guy in the world. That guy – Ash Ketchum – was a sweetheart with a smile of gold, who already looked at Goh like he was someone special, who never hesitated to put himself in harm's way for a Pokémon's sake. And get this, he was about to start a fellowship at the same lab where Goh worked!

Who meets a guy like that through a fateful encounter? It all felt too good to be true.

And apparently, it was, as reality came crashing down in the form of a lanky, six-foot-tall douchebag by the name of Gary Oak.

The man narrowed his eyes at Goh studiously, his slightly-agape mouth shifting decisively into a smirk. "You're telling me you met this pretty boy on top of a Lugia?" Gary said teasingly, refusing to unhook his arm from Ash's shoulder. "No way. Not buying it, Ashy."

Goh's mind was still stuck on the word "pretty" as Gary sauntered up to him and told him that he had another thing coming if he thought Project Mew would want anything to do with the likes of him.

So that asswipe was what Ash called a boyfriend, huh?

Whatever. At least Ash didn't seem to have a problem still being his friend. He had plenty of those, it seemed from his stories, and Goh assumed that "Misty" was just one of those many. But then one day, Ash used the word "girlfriend" in a sentence, and Goh had to do a double-take.

"Yeah, that's Misty," Ash said, pausing his anecdote and giving Goh a puzzled stare. "Oh, I get it. You're confused. Yeah, me, Misty, Gary – we're all dating each other!"

...Oh.

People could do that?

That's cool. Really cool, actually. Why hadn't anyone told Goh that before?

Goh's mood noticeably improved after that, for some reason unwittingly smiling every time he thought about the concept. It's just neat. Cool option for people to have, he thought. Not that I would ever...

Would I?

(No way, don't be ridiculous!)

A few weekends later, Ash was inviting his partners over to see the lab and hang out, and Goh's hands trembled at the thought of dealing with Gary's taunts again and meeting Misty for the first time.

"Nervous, Goh?" Ash asked, knowing that Goh sometimes had trouble meeting new people. "Don't worry, she'll like ya. She's sweet once you get to know her."

Gary was his typical bratty self, but Misty shut him up and introduced herself with a bright smile and wave. Her demeanor exuded spunk; confidence with a feminine charm. Goh could objectively see why Ash liked her so much, and moreover, he was beginning to understand how the three of them together somehow made sense as they exchanged hand squeezes, playful punches, and inside jokes. Goh couldn't help but feel his stomach flutter as the energy between Ash and his partners made him feel like his presence was intruding upon something sacred.

Eventually, there was a quiet moment where Ash and Gary were chatting amongst themselves about something to do with Professor Oak’s work, and Goh worked up the courage to properly introduce himself to Misty.

"Hi," he squeaked, lightly tapping the woman's shoulder and waiting until she turned to face him. "Uh, I'm gay."

Misty raised her eyebrows. "...Okay?"

Crap. What did he just say? "Huh? Goh! I mean, I'm Goh!"

"Yeah, I know," she said, as if their quick wave from earlier counted as a sufficient greeting.

Misty's unnerving stare convinced Goh that this conversation was becoming a worse and worse idea by the minute. What was he even planning to say to her in the first place?

Didn't matter.

He fled while he still had the chance.

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ursaspecter · 1 year

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I posted 12,914 times in 2022

That's 4,854 more posts than 2021!

123 posts created (1%)

12,791 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@jollyfanasties

@rayparkerjr

@dingdongyouarewrong

@radioactivedelorean

@ceasarslegion

I tagged 2,364 of my posts in 2022

#ofmd - 61 posts

#danny phantom - 53 posts

#shut up casey - 47 posts

#self reblog - 35 posts

#my art - 33 posts

#sponsored - 28 posts

#digital art - 27 posts

#fanart - 22 posts

#goncharov - 18 posts

#good omens - 15 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#me overanalyzing this scene about how egon is out of step from the others and he pulls out the particle thrower differently than the others

My Top Posts in 2022:

More redesigns! More redesigns! This time it's the whole Fenton family! As always, my notes will be under the cut. I really appreciate everyone's support and feedback about this series. I plan to work on Vlad next. I think I'm the most excited for his since it also has to do with my unnamed au that I shared a while ago, but haven't done anything for yet. Until now that is >:).

Reblogs > Likes! Tools used: XP Pen Artist 15.6 Pro, Clip Studio Paint

416 notes - Posted September 17, 2022

See the full post

555 notes - Posted September 26, 2022

I decided to update my Danny Phantom redesign. Now it's even LESS animation friendly. Not that I was going for an animation friendly design to begin really I just think it's funny how with every new iteration of Danny I draw there's always one or two more things added.

I'm really proud of how these turned out and I think he actually looks 14 for once. I think before I was kinda close, but he looked more 16 or 17 to me. I'll go more into my design choices under the cut so this post isn't a mile long.

Tools used: XPPen Artist 15.6 Pro, Clip Studio Paint

Reblogs > Likes!

600 notes - Posted September 15, 2022

(Click for better quality!) I PROMISE I DIDN’T FORGET ABOUT MY CROSSOVER! I’ve just been busy with other projects lately, but now I can actually sit down to work on this some!

Tools Used: XP Pen Artist 15.6 Pro, Clip Studio Paint Reblogs > Likes!

602 notes - Posted January 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Haven't drawn Danny since January yikes! I've been having the urge to rewatch the series again so I felt compelled to draw this. And it's Dannymay! This isn't for any particular prompt (I was too lazy to find the prompt list), but I wanted to get SOMETHING out. So here's the boy! Idk if the lighting and shading make sense but it looks cool so I'm calling it good.

Tablet: XP Pen Artist 15.6 Pro Program: Clip Studio Paint Pro Reblogs > Likes!

632 notes - Posted May 13, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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bukojuiice · 3 years

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— genshin boys as your college roommates who are head over heels in love with you

ೃ ft. childe, diluc, kaeya, zhongli, and xiao x gn! reader

ೃ 400-600 words per character! ♡

ೃ warnings: mention of alcohol drinking ( but aside from that, just lots and lots of fluff!)

ೃ this is my very first writing contribution to the genshin fandom, so i hope everyone likes it! after 5 months of playing genshin, i think it’s safe to say my brainrot for it has finally consumed me and i’m confident enough to brew something up! <3

ೃ genshin impact masterlist

ೃ if you want to be a part of my taglist, answer this form! ♡

CHILDE:

– You and Childe are the perfect embodiment of the best friends to roommates trope. Whenever you wanna sleep in for 5 minutes more and you’re about to run late for your first class, Childe never fails to slowly drag you out of your bed, laughing as he does so. “Wake up sunshine!” is the first thing you always hear in the morning and you don’t complain if you get to hear his smexy voice anyway. He is a confident flirt and is not afraid to show you how much he cares or how much he pines over you.

– He’s always always there to save the day. There was a time when your classmates stood you up on the group project you were making, and guess who comes up to you with glitter, glue, and colored paper? Childe, of course! He stayed up until the wee hours of the night with you just so he can help you finish it. He even promises to set things in a “very civil way” with your absolute jerk groupmates the very next day. You practically hang out with him 24/7 as most of the time he just barges in your shared apartment with some amusement park tickets on hand or to some expensive yoga or judo class. There’s never a dull moment with him and with each passing day, the more you fall harder for him.

– After a morning jog with him and seeing cute little dogs frolicking around with their married owners, Childe suddenly had the urge to adopt a dog with you. But, due to a no pets rules established by the landlord, the two of you opt to owning hamsters instead! Childe named his hamster, narwhal (after his favorite animal of course!) whereas you named yours bunny, to match his irrelevant pet name picking. your hamsters both share the same house/cage and even they are pining over each other.

– His siblings visit a lot, especially Teucer. At this point, there was never a day the little boy didn’t ask when are you and Childe going to finally become “playground playmates” (a term for lovers that they use in second grade apparently) since the two of you are living with each other and seem so close. Childe is always able to successfully change the topic and shift away from talking about the shared feelings that the both of you have for each other. But, alas, the day had finally came to be and during your monthly trip to the amusement park, Childe confidently confesses to you on top of the ferris wheel.

“So... everyone in my life knows that you’re my best friend. Yea, that’s pretty cool and all but... Can we be more than just that (Y/N)? Is there hope if I think there could be something between us?”

DILUC:

– Diluc is your posh and rich roommate who sounds and looks too good to be true. The fact that you’re roomies with the literal heir to the country’s biggest wine and beverage company sounds like something straight out of a fanfic. But, it was of his volition to decide to live in a penthouse near Teyvat University. It was the doings of his step-brother Kaeya who tricked him into getting a roommate so that he won’t be alone for the rest of his college years... aaand that’s where you come in. practically barged into his life, but, you were a blessing. an angel sent from the skies.

– He’s quite cold and unapproachable at first, only greeting you whenever he sees you but never bothered to engage in small talk with you. Even if the both of you go to the same university. It wasn’t until your second month as roommates, when you accidentally had too much to drink after a friends’ night out. You come home to see him in the living room, drinking grape juice from a wine glass, and watching a rerun of Hannah Montana. You practically collapse at the front door, he rushes to you and helps you up as you drunkenly confess to him in tears how you wanted to become much closer to him especially since the two of you are going to spend the rest of your college years together. That was when Diluc realized how distant and aloof he’s been and vows to make it up to you.

– Diluc is very talented. Albeit in very discreet way, he makes sure to make use of his talents especially if it’s an opportunity to make memories with you. He is an amazing cook as much as he tries to deny it, He’s a secret virtuoso caught in 4k when you impulsively bought a guitar one time and you asked if he knows how to play, and he does so well. He practically serenades you in the most non-obvious way possible. Lastly, He’s very athletic. You invited him to play tennis one time, betting that if he won, you would do his bidding for the rest of the week. Before you could even blink, he wins. His “punishment” for you was that you accompany him in binge-watching TV Dramas. Grey’s Anatomy and Downtown Abby are just some of the shows the two of you would watch. It is absolutely adorable seeing him so invested in these dramas. and since the next on Diluc’s list were sit-coms, you were preparing yourself to answer his questions on the context of jokes that he didn’t get. In a poor attempt to flirt with you, he calls out your name and recites in the most Joey Tribbiani voice he could muster, “How you doin?” You were laughing so so hard that night because his pick up line actually worked on you and suddenly your realizations came full circle: you were very much in love with him too.

– His naturally cool yet shy nature had always gotten the best of him. He’s always wanted to ask if you wanted to carpool with him to school. Riding with him in his Tesla sportscar that goes 150 Mph? Heck yeah. However, it took quite a while before he could muster up the courage to ask you (4 months of being roommates until he finally popped the question) Since then, the two of you go home to and from University whenever you had similar schedules. Ever since then, Diluc had began to soften. His cold and hard facade slowly melted. Asking if you could help tie his floofy red hair then he’d let you play with it and let you style it in different ways. He takes you out on café dates during lunch breaks and take you out to watch a movie after both of your late night lectures. Everyone in campus thinks the two of you are practically together at this point. All that was left was to bare your feelings with one another through a fumbling and awkward confession.

“Words cannot not suffice these feelings I’ve been harboring for you since the very beginning. I L-like you a lot. Do you feel the same way too?”

KAEYA:

- Everyone loves Kaeya. Your friends and family, The School Faculty, The owner of the Convenience Store from down the street, The old lady who lives next door, The little kids from down the hall, and even the angry brown poodles from the farthest apartment to your right absolutely loved him. it was hard to keep up with having a roommate that not only were you crushing so hard on, but also had such a vibrant social life. Kaeya interacts and socializes with a lot of people and he admits that it does tend to get tiring at times. But, if these sacrifices lead to coming home to his cute roommate who has captivated his heart since Day 1, then it’s all worth it.

— Despite how warm and friendly he may seem, Kaeya is a very private person. He’s brought two or three friends like Jean, Lisa, Albedo, or Rosaria. But, only to discuss school affairs. He wasn’t the kind of person who trusts others easily, even if he was giving off the impression that he was a trustworthy and reliable person himself. He’d much rather spend time with you on days off from school. He may be a party guy on the outside (he insists he does it for future connections when he graduates) but he’s quite a homebody. Kaeya is the type to watch korean dramas and anime with you, go on late night convenience store cravings, and these always resulted in a perfect evening spent with him. When the both of you are fully immersed into the anime and things get a bit cozy, you rest your head on his shoulder, huddling for warmth.

— Kaeya would always come home with a little something for you. May it be take-out food, A trinket, a board game, an accessory, and even skincare products. The indigo-haired man is very particular about self-care and you bet that he’s bought different kinds of face masks, ointments, and even matching cute headbands just for the two of you! He’s very flamboyant and flirts with you a lot. Trying to impress you with pick up lines and suggestive jokes, but you always thought that he was just joking around because that was always a part of his personality. It was always a part of him. For Kaeya on the other hand, it seems to him that you don’t take him seriously and it's possible that you don’t return his feelings at all. He had to set things straight and it didn’t take long until Kaeya found the perfect opportunity to do so.

— With the help of practically everyone in the apartment, Kaeya is about to surprise you with a candle-lit dinner up on the apartment rooftop. His sly smooth-talking quickly convinced you that the both of you were just going to go out on your nightly convenience store trips. Your curiosity grows when he takes you by the hand, covering you with a blindfold, and whispering to your ear, “Do you trust me?” Gripping onto his hand tightly, the both of you go up some stairs and you reply, “Yes Kaeya, I do.” He slowly uncovers the shield from your eyes and your eyes sparkle at the sight of the candle-lit dinner, complete with jazz music, and a romantic view of the city.

“(Y/N)... You are the most precious person to me. I hope you can take me seriously, especially my feelings. I am saying this with my heart in my hand and with nothing but genuine love in my soul.”

ZHONGLI:

— Zhongli is truly husband material. You’re saying this as his friend, as his roommate, and as someone who’s absolutely smitten over him. He’s a third year environmental archaeology student at Teyvat University. Gentle, kind, and has nothing but wise and intelligent things to say. your lovestruck self can’t help but just admire him from afar, not knowing that he too has been entranced by you ever since you moved in.

—He's always the first to wake up in the morning. The first thing he does is make you a cup of coffee. He's got your favorite memorized, (Coffee with cream. Not to sweet and not too bitter.) The both of you own matching mugs, (written in colored scribbled letters, “The Wise Roommate” for Zhongli and “The Cute Roommate” for you.) He always wants to spend his free mornings with you. Both of you have different schedules so you never see each other at Campus and this was the only blissful time of the day you can spend with one another. Once you get home for dinner, (Zhongli is always the first to get home if he doesn’t stay too long at the library or strolling around the city) If it’s your turn to cook or if it’s his, he never forgets to brew you oolong tea after dinner. A perfect chance for the two of you to just talk the night away and engage in deep and meaningful conversations.

—Zhongli fell in love with you because you just quietly listen to him. Sometimes, you would share your thoughts and insights, even sharing your own personal knowledge that Zhongli had not known prior. You were one of the very few people in his life whom he could talk about absolutely anything with. Well, who wouldn’t listen to a handsome man who has a voice as smooth as butter? He is very passionate about his studies. Taking a lot of extra courses and spending a lot of money on his research. and so, most of the time, he spends all of his Mora on his extra studies (excluding the money he needs to pay for rent) and other interesting antiques. You understood why though. So, instead, you ask him to accompany you to do mundane chores. Going grocery shopping, doing the laundry and cleaning the apartment. He always helps in any way he can. The prying eyes of people around you and the old lady fr next door boldly coming up to you to ask if you and Zhongli were a married couple. You blush profusely whereas Zhongli coolly denies the woman's claims. It hurt quite a little but who were you to complain?

— It was during one of your night strolls with Zhongli. He had invited you out after dinner under the guise of wanting to have some fresh air and find a clear spot for the fireworks from a nearby festival. Your heart was thumping loudly to a non-existent rhythm, blissfully unaware that Zhongli was feeling a burst in his chest too. He clears his throat and his shoulders straighten. Zhongli puts his hand on your shoulder and breathes deeply. His cool and gentlemanly aura still radiating off of him as always. A wonderful array of colors fill the sky as his lips began to form the words he's always wanted to say:

"Tonight is beautiful isn't it? I thought that this would be the perfect time to open my heart up to you... You are a diamond in the rough that few see the beauty of. My beloved– Will you accept my feelings?

XIAO:

— Having a popular twitch streamer as your roommate was a one in a million chance. Especially if you’re not even an influencer or internet figure yourself. But, how did this come to be? Why have you developed a crush on Xiao aka VigilantYaksha without knowing who he was? A gamer with over 6 million followers on different social media platforms? Simple, a high-end apartment near Teyvat University had a special discount if you were willing to be roommates with someone. It’s an amazing deal, near your school, cost-efficient, and you believed the 10% chance of scoring a hot roommate as seen on reality TV and romantic comedies. It was like rolling through a Gacha Game and getting a 5 star character. As that “character” is soon to be revealed as Xiao.

— Things started off rocky at first. On your first day, he flatly welcomed you by the door, introduced himself, then quickly retreated back to his room. As soon as you locked eyes with him, he gave off a certain cold and unfriendly aura. You wanted to get to know him better. Maybe with a little love and care, he could open up to you and you could become friends! That same day, you had mistakenly thought of your room as his and you walked in on him streaming a horror game. He wasn’t spooked by the jumpscares. But instead, he was looking at you in horror because you’ve just exposed yourself to thousands of people. You wave at the camera, apologize, and left. Since then, his fans, (called the Anemo Tofus) have been shipping the two of you together. Creating fanfiction and fanart of Xiao and the mysterious roommate that accidentally walked in on him. They practically begged Xiao to at least talk a little bit about you, to which, he declined. When you surprised him with dinner (as a little treat since this was your first week with him) He sits across the table from you, his eyes gazing deep into yours, as he pops the question, in a very tsundere tone: “Would you like to appear in my streams? T-the Anemo Tofus wanna learn more about you. B-but, if you don’t want to, it’s alright! You don’t have to-” You cut him off before he could continue his doubts, “Xiao! What are you saying? I’d love to!”

— There was something blossoming between the two of you after that particular dinner with him. Starting with your first “roommate video” that you had thought of when you were brainstorming for video ideas. It was an Almond and Mapo Tofu mukbang whilst the two of you answered questions from fans! The viewers noticed how visibly comfortable he was around you despite his usual reserved attitude. He was cracking up a lot more sarcastic and self-deprecating jokes whilst Tofu filled both of your mouths. Outside of the confines of social media and inside the comfortable space that was your apartment, you and Xiao grew closer. Wearing matching hoodies, going on midnight snack runs, playing in arcades, and stargazing with him up on the rooftop as you contemplate about life and talk about the mysteries of the universe. There were times when you would stay up late doing school works and would accidentally fall asleep on the sofa. Xiao would come out of room because he periodically had cases of insomnia. When he sees you on the sofa, he can’t help but smile at your sleeping figure and admire your beauty. First. he brings all your clutter back to your room then slowly picks you up from the couch, into his arms, and brings you back to your room. He places a blanket on top of you and your stuffed plushies next to you so you can hug them any time.

— On a particular night, you fell asleep on the sofa once again and begun to have recurring nightmares. Xiao was there to witness you whimpering, muttering to yourself, and shivering to a mental image that he could not see. (He wishes he could erase all the pain that these nightmares were giving you) You subconsciously grab onto his hand, murmuring to yourself: “Xiao, please don’t go.” He whispers back, “I won’t.” Your nerves slowly relax when you feel the Yaksha squeezing himself to lie next to you on the couch. Holding onto your arm, he continues to reassure you that it was going to be okay. You grab onto him, hugging him from behind. He feels your heartbeat revert back to it’s normal pace and you return back to your peaceful slumber. “I’ll always be here for you, (Y/N). I’ll be here to protect you. Forever and always.” Turning to you to plant a kiss on your forehead, you nestle your head on Xiao’s chest. He watches as you cling to him for love and warmth until he is slowly whisked away by his weariness, rewarded with a peaceful sleep he hasn’t felt in a while.

“And they were roommates.”

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jaybe11 · 3 years

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he music business is full of hard-luck stories, but no Austin band rose faster and fell harder than metal band Pariah in the 1990s. Like Guns N’ Roses three years earlier, they were signed to Geffen Records by golden boy talent scout Tom Zutaut. But there were no multiplatinum records or stadium tours for the former classmates at Clark High School in San Antonio.

“We were on the label for five years and have only one album to show for it,” said singer Dave Derrick. “It was a frustrating time, to say the least.”

After relocating to Austin in 1990, Pariah regularly sold out 1,000-capacity venues, but on their final show, soon after officially being dropped by Geffen in 1995, they played to less than 300 at their home club, the Back Room.

Two weeks later, the band’s bassist and driving force, Sims Ellison, put a shotgun to his face and pulled the trigger.

But in taking his own life, Ellison, who suffered from anxiety and depression for years, eventually helped save the lives of other musicians. His suicide was the inspiration for the SIMS Foundation, which provides low-cost mental health services to uninsured musicians who, because of irregular working hours, low pay, easy access to alcohol and drugs and often-volatile intraband relationships, have a unique set of psychological needs.

“Anytime SIMS sets up anywhere in the public, we have at least one person come up to us and say they wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for SIMS,” said Tricia Forbes, executive director of the foundation.

Ellison didn’t drink or smoke, but the band was his life. When it crumbled and his mates, including younger brother Kyle Ellison, went their separate ways after nearly 10 years of constant camaraderie, it was apparently too much for 28-year-old Sims Ellison. On top of that, his girlfriend of nearly three years, then-unknown actress Renee Zellweger, had broken up with him six months earlier.

“I miss him every day,” says Pariah singer Dave Derrick, who will play a Pariah tribute set Saturday at the Austin Music Hall as part of the 15th anniversary SIMS Foundation Benefit Bash. “It bothers me that most people only remember Sims as the guy who killed himself, if they know him at all. He was the sweetest guy you could meet, with a goofy sense of humor. He spent every waking hour working on making Pariah as successful as possible.”Pariah drummer Shandon Sahm, who currently plays with the Meat Puppets, recalls Sims Ellison as full of nervous energy. “He used to say, ‘If you ain’t stressed, it ain’t happening,’” said Sahm, the youngest son of Texas music legend Doug Sahm.

“If he was in a place where people knew him as Sims, the bass player for Pariah, he was totally cool,” said Derrick. “But if he was in any other social situation, he couldn’t cope. He’d show up at a backyard barbecue and pace for 10 minutes and leave.” Derrick said he never saw Sims Ellison finish a plate of food. “He would constantly stir his food, but not eat it.”

Derrick wondered if two middle school incidents forged Sims Ellison’s social phobia. “When he was about in eighth grade he bought a Mötley Crüe T-shirt at a concert and was robbed of it at knife-point in the bathroom. Then a few months later, a bully went up to him at the mall in front of his friends and cold-cocked Sims for no reason. Knocked him out just to show off,” Derrick said. “He knew that, as a member of Pariah, he was protected — no one was going to hurt him.”

The three years with Zellweger, when the band was signed to Geffen, were Sims Ellison’s happiest, Sahm said. Zellweger’s best friend at the time, her “Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation” co-star Lisa Newmyer, dated Kyle Ellison, younger than Sims by three years, and the four practically lived together at the Railyard Apartments downtown.

In December 1994, Zellweger split with Sims Ellison and moved to LA, where “Jerry Maguire” would make her a star less than two years later.

Derrick said Sims Ellison bought himself a shotgun for Christmas that month.

Meanwhile, Geffen Records had decided to drop Pariah and pay the band $50,000 to dissolve the two-album deal. The band, rounded out by guitarist Jared Tuten, decided to take a hiatus after one last show at the Back Room.

“Sims was really bummed about everything,” said Derrick, “and I told him he really should get a dog. His eyes lit up and he said, ‘That’s a great idea!’” That was the last time Derrick saw Sims Ellison, who got a job at Urban Outfitters on the Drag two weeks before his death.

“Some people were theorizing that he killed himself because Renee left him or because the band was being dropped, but it was deeper than that,” Derrick said. “Being on Geffen was worse than being dropped by Geffen. That wasn’t it. There was something inside him that none of us could see. You play it back in your head, like ‘I should’ve done this or done that,’ but the truth is that we were all in shock when it happened.”

David Garza, who will serve as music director for Saturday’s benefit, is one of thousands of Austin musicians helped by the assistance program inspired by the Sims Ellison tragedy. “I was having a hard time a few years ago with a personal relationship and with my label,” said Garza, who released two critically acclaimed but soft-selling albums on Atlantic in 1998 and 2001. “I was raised Mexican American Catholic. We didn’t go to therapy — that was for weirdos. If you had a problem, you went to confession.” But Garza had musician friends who’d been helped by SIMS, which provides counseling and psychiatric services and refers clients to a network of 60 therapists and treatment centers that charge greatly reduced rates. With an operating budget of $600,000 a year (about 25 percent of which comes from KGSR’s “Broadcasts” CD), SIMS helps an estimated 600 Austin musicians a year.

Obviously, such musician-aimed services weren’t available to Pariah, whose disappointing career could be summed up by the night in early ’94 when the members gathered around the TV to watch their video for “Powerless” debut on MTV’s “Headbangers Ball.” They waited and waited for almost three hours until just before 2 a.m., when their video aired, the last one of the night.

Signed after a South by Southwest showcase in 1990, Pariah had to wait almost three years until the release of “To Mock a Killing Bird” in 1993. In between, Nirvana exploded and grunge made Pariah’s brand of glam metal obsolete.

“Pariah had the worst timing ever,” said the band’s co-manager Wayne Nagel, who founded the SIMS Foundation in June 1995 with his Austin Rehearsal Complex partner Don Harvey and Sims’ father, Houston oil engineer Don Ellison. “If the record had come out the year after they were signed, it would’ve been a whole different story.” Instead the band was forced to wait more than two years while Geffen threw all its clout and resources into the much-delayed Guns N’ Roses “Use Your Illusion” two-album project.

“Sims was saying, ‘What are we going to do? Metal’s not cool anymore,‘” Sahm said of one of Ellison’s obsessions. “We started off as a hard rock band like Guns N’ Roses and somewhere along the line we turned into Smashing Pumpkins. Still, I think we were getting better as a band by expanding our horizons.”

Geffen didn’t see it that way, according to Nagel. “Zutaut was the king of metal,” Nagel said of the A&R man who signed Mötley Crüe and Metallica before Guns N’ Roses. “He wanted the band to keep it metal.”

Treated like kings by Geffen before “To Mock a Killing Bird” came out, the band couldn’t get phone calls returned when the album didn’t take off.

Pariah met Zutaut, who did not answer an e-mail request for comment, backstage at SXSW 1990 after a scorching set at the Back Room. “He said he didn’t have time to sign another band, but that, just by him coming backstage, we were going to get signed,” Sahm said, with a laugh.

Nagel said Pariah received eight offers from labels after that SXSW appearance. It turns out that Zutaut did sign Pariah to Geffen, but he wasn’t kidding about being too busy. “It was all about Guns N’ Roses,” said Derrick. “We weren’t the only band put on hold.”

Sahm said, looking back, the band should’ve signed with Chrysalis, who Photoshopped a group photo of the band so they looked at home inside the label’s headquarters. “They loved our song ‘Shatter Me’ and were ready to put it out to radio right away. But instead we went with the big shot. Chrysalis couldn’t give us a $100,000 advance, but Geffen did.” The label also gave Pariah a $250,000 recording budget that soared to $500,000 by the time the album was finished at Madonna’s Maverick recording studio in LA. (Sims Ellison hit it off with Madonna and appeared in her “Deeper and Deeper” video.)

“We were young and stupid,” Derrick said of signing with Geffen for the upfront money. “But we were all in it together. If there was any motto with Pariah, it was ‘The band comes first.’”

The SIMS Foundation, named after a lovable, yet troubled Austin musician, was formed for what comes next.

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superman86to99 · 4 years

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Superman: The Man of Steel #27 (November 1993)

Lex Luthor Jr. throws a party in honor of Superman's resurrection in his fancy blimp, but some Underworlders rudely barge in uninvited. Also, they try to kill everyone, which is even ruder. These buttfaced sewer mutants are upset at one of the blimp's VIP guests, Project Cadmus Director Paul Westfield, for flooding their home and drowning a bunch of them a while back. The Underworlders go to some mysterious S&M enthusiast called Bloodthirst to ask for a way to kill Westfield, and when he suggests blowing up the blimp, one of them is like "But innocent people will die!" Bloodthirst then demonstrates his blood thirst by killing that guy in front of the others, who decide to go on with the plan.

Meanwhile, Lois Lane investigates the strange fact that unprofitable buildings owned by LexCorp are crumbling or going up in flames, supposedly due to Doomsday's fault -- apparently, he punched Metropolis so hard, shit is still falling down months later. Surely good ol' Lex Jr. has nothing to do this! Lois attends the blimp party intending to talk to Lex Jr. about the exploding buildings issue. He's very eager to talk to her too because, hot damn, look at her.

(Not sure if Jimmy is drooling because of Lois or because he's just Jimmy.)

That's when the Underworlders (who snuck in using cloaking devices to hide their ugliness) start hassling Westfield, and soon all hell breaks loose in that classic Jon Bogdanove style. Superman makes his fashionably late entry to the party right in time to save Lex Jr. as he falls to his death. He also gets rid of the Underworlders pretty easily (despite the giant '90s weapons Bloodthirst gave them) and takes the blimp down safely.

The next day, Lois has her formal interview with Lex Jr. and he tries to get fresh with her, which cements her impression that he's just like his "dad". Come on, that's unfair! Then Lex sees her making out with some mild-mannered dweeb with glasses and a ponytail and decides everyone must "burn" so, uh, maybe she had a point.

Character-Watch:

First actual appearance of Bloodthirst, who was first mentioned (as "Blood Thirst") almost exactly one year ago on Man of Steel #18. Right now, all we know about him is that he likes to go around sowing chaos in cities around the world, and now it's Metropolis' turn. He won't stick around for long, but considering that we've got two major storylines called "The Battle of Metropolis" and "The Fall of Metropolis" coming up in 1994, I'd say he was pretty successful. (Also, just realized that Lex's "they'll all burn!" moment is probably foreshadowing that too.)

This is also the debut of a surprisingly much more durable character: Franklin Stern, aka "Frankenstern", the Daily Planet's publisher and an old buddy of Perry White. Looking forward to the issue with their youthful KKK-punching adventures.

Plotline-Watch:

This is actually the beginning of the end for poor Lex Jr. So far Lois and Clark have more or less been unaware of his shitty side, but now that she's got his scent, he's screwed. Ironic that after causing so many murders and supervillain terrorist attacks, in the end it's insurance fraud what will eventually cause Lex's downfall.

On top of that, Lex is losing his shapeshifting alternate dimension girlfriend, Supergirl. He's mad at her for going to fight the Cyborg in Engine City and then disappearing for a few days (because she was posing as Clark Kent), and then she gets mad at him for ignoring her to go gawk at Lois. You can do so much better, girl! Hell, even a caped horse would be preferable to this guy.

Another significant event in this issue: Lois gets a haircut! And it's Cyndi, the same hairdresser she visited almost four years ago in Superman #45, which pleases my continuity obsessed-ass.

After being the star of this comic for the past several months, Steel barely appears for a few panels, in which his psychic pal tells him "see you in Washington". Apparently she's been reading the solicitations for his solo comic. Speaking of solo comics, note Superboy staring longingly at a headshot of his friend Tana, who just moved to Hawaii...

Pa Kent is almost as heartbroken about the fact that he can't eat Ma's famous rhubarb pie (since he's on a diet after his heart attack).

Finally, this is also the fateful issue in which Clark Kent decides to become roommates with Jimmy Olsen, since his parents gave up his apartment while he was dead. Is... Jimmy tugging on Clark's ponytail? (Whit looks devastated that Clark didn't room with him instead.)

Patreon-Watch:

Special shout out to our very first Patreons ever, Aaron, Murray Qualie, Chris "Ace" Hendrix, britneyspearsatemyshorts, and Patrick D. Ryall! To be as cool as them, and gain access to two exclusive ‘90s Superman-related articles (with more coming every month), plus new Superman art from Don, click here: https://patreon.com/Superman86to99

And speaking of Don, stick around for his section after the jump!

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow):

We open with a great cover, echoes of my favourite Bogdanove image, his pin-up in Action #600. There’s just something about Superman rescuing kids from a fire that really works. [Max: Same! It’s why I love the panel below, too.]

Inside the issue, I was struck right away with what I viewed to be the start of Bogdanove’s looser, late style. Bogdanove’s art was always a little looser and more cartoony than the rest of the super books, but after what I viewed as top level effort during the “Death” and “Return” storylines, Man of Steel settles into a pretty sketchy, almost carefree style that really sets it apart from the more realistic art of the other books. As much as I think this could have to do with Bogdanove (I noticed a similar looseness toward the end of his Power Pack run) I actually think the layouts look more or less the same as the previous issues, making me think it might be the inking that is getting a little loose, relative to previous issues, with thicker, flatter ink lines than during the “Return” storyline, or certain issues when Janke was inking Ordway. (I say all of this with the caveat that everyone involved is about a million times better than me as an artist, these are just my observations—I wish I could be as good as Bogdanove, or Janke’s sloppiest work on my best day!)

That’s not to say that there isn’t still some amazing imagery in this issue. The full page splash, on page 5, of Superman soaring back to Metropolis with Lois in his arms is great—I love the lighting effects coming up from the bright city, as well as the motion created by the swirling cape. Nice, nice stuff.

The next page is a cute and intimate look for Lois in her terrycloth robe which was a highlight for me.

Page 12’s half-page spread of the cityscape, with zeppelin is very well done, and Supergirl’s transformation on page 13 looks great. The way she is drawn here also highlights the ongoing creepiness of her relationship with Lex II, as she looks very young, which she definitely is, especially mentally at this point.

Bog always excels at the more cheesecakey panels and the first look at Lois’ Teri Hatcher inspired haircut (and evening gown) doesn’t disappoint (though I could have done with losing Jimmy literally drooling!). The full page splash of Superman lifting the gondola is another great image.

STRAY OBSERVATIONS

Lots of Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman stuff in this issue, as Max pointed out. They make reference to Lois getting her hair cut, and also hastily mention that Ma Kent is losing weight, and will cut her hair, perhaps in an effort to align the show closer to the look of Martha Kent as played by K Callan. [Max: Wow, I actually hadn’t noticed the L&C haircuts similarity but it makes total sense.]

We’re fully in the Tarzan-hair era (don’t call it a mullet) and Clark’s hair is never longer than when he’s being drawn by Bogdanove. The ponytail is tough to take, but adding a medallion, as Clark has on page 7, is a bridge to douchiness too far, for me. [Max: Maybe he got it from Jeb?]

Page 10 has a kid in a Sunsoft t-shirt, a reference to the video game maker responsible for the 1992 (hard as hell!) Superman game, and 1994’s The Death and Return of Superman.

I like that even someone as rarely seen as Lois’ hairstylist is still consistent, as Cyndi last appeared in Superman #45.

I find it interesting how long it took for Lois to get wise on Lex II—the original Luthor was so evil, I always found it a little unbelievable that he could keep up the act long enough to fool anyone, masquerading as his own son. [Max: I think the Jesus look helped make him appear more saintly.]

#superman #louise simonson #jon bogdanove #dennis janke #underworlders #bloodthirst #paul westfield #ma kent #superboy #steel #whit #allie #fran #franklin stern #supergirl #they're real #and they're spectacular

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evelyn568 · 3 years

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best welding helmet 2021

Hey guys Bruce here with the deer Y. homestead project channel. In today's POST I want to show you a new best budget helmets that I just purchased when I purchased it about 2 months ago I've been using it and I wanted to get some at some practice on it and some use of it before I let you guys know what I think about it. So when I think about it is it's a. I think it's a great value for the money this is the yes Wilder M. 800 H. model. I yes Wilder she. That's what the manual looks like. Kind of a cheap chintzy manual it's built in China. I paid $72 for it shipped to my house off of Amazon. And I've seen it as low as 62 if you get a coupon or if they have a sale. So for 7072 or $62 I think it's a great value for the money. That's my opinion of course the only other welding helmet that I've ever used is my cheap $3035 harbor freight helmet just the box stock basic 1 that they have so I decided to upgrade I was real curious about this. The screen the sensor and the thing is actually called true color. So it gives you the it gets rid of that green tent when you're welding and it gives you all this is true color I guess is it can be all talk just a little bit more about that here in a minute it has a nice big screen on it. 3 almost 4 inches by 3.5 as opposed to 1.5 inches by. 3.5 on the harbor freight by the way I'm gonna leave the link for this helmet and another item that I'm gonna show you hear all these links for those. That I purchased off Amazon if you if you are interested or in the market looking for a good helmet for a reasonable price and you can get on Amazon and check out the specs for yourself. Comes with this. Hello my bag. I don't personally use the helmet bag but I mean it's decent for what it is and to Oregon but in there and keep the dust off of it I just put my helmet on a shelf with the old rag over the top it comes in a pretty small bark so when it came I was kind of surprised I was like while the helmets in there but it kind of sucks compresses with wise and and it's pretty flexible helmet it also comes with. 2 replacement exterior screens. Last 6 year old and then the inside one replacement inner screen. And a replaceable battery so that'll set you up for quite a while actually before you have to buy new new replacement screens and you can't buy replacement screens from ma yes well there to I think it's yes well there.com the battery is a 2450 it's pretty light weight I don't think it's much if any heavier than the harbor freight. The flexible. And if you look inside. It's got the inner screen there and then it has a test button in the upper right hand corner you can just push to test to make sure that you have actually turned on or to test and make sure that. That the batteries are not bad on the side there you've got a little latch you could pop open and replace the battery. It's pop that little cap off their pull out the old battery put the new one in. Easy to get to. And it's just a single battery and this helmet. On the front screen it has for arc sensors they harbor freight helmet that I had. She just has to. But this one actually has 4. One on each corner and it also has the solar help charge the batteries and help it operate when you're under the arc. You look on the side of the helmet. You've got 3 dials. And a switch. One dial is for sensitivity high to low the other small dial on the top there is delay and then on the shade it's got a dial there and it has 2 separate settings when the switches in weld. You have. 9 to 13 on the shade and then when you put on the cat setting it's 5 to 9. Which is another feature that I really like and then you've got to grind. So what I said on the shelf for the end of the day I put wrong Brian and it's just off the wall one run that battery down. Also it provides shielding for grinding operations very very cool I want to do a couple of arc shots and show you what it looks like looking through the the welding hood. This first one we're gonna do with harbor freight welder and you'll notice that because it's kind of got a green tint to it. And run a bead here I'm gonna just gonna run short beats because it's kind of hard on my helmets to have them up this close. But I got a camera inside the helmet so you can see what it looks like through the screen these are both set on 11 as far as the the shade just want you to notice the arc shot and if you look around the sides all around the arc on the harbor freight welders. It's not nearly as limited as you'll notice when we use the. Yes well how much. So let's switch over. Yeah let's look at the York shot from the U. S. while their helmet and just notice how much brighter it is I don't know that you can necessarily see the weld puddle any better through the yes well over how much. But it does illuminate the area a little bit better and it gives you more situational awareness you can see where your welding where you've been and where you're headed. And I really like that about about the helmet. It is about twice the price of the cheapest harbor freight helmet but it's about 5 times less than the name brand so unless you're completely dead set on that name brands for whatever reason and people have lots of different reasons why they prefer to spend 345 $600 on a welding helmet that's that's fine I'm not going to argue with that I'm just talking about good budget priced helmets if you look inside the or look at the back and look at the strap it's kind of a flimsy straps so far I haven't had any problems with it the harbor freight strap I think it's just a little bit more stout little more durable. But just be careful with it you shouldn't have any problem so far too 2 months using it and I haven't had any problems at all with the strap I like the adjustability of it I like the way it swings down and locks up. It tells a stop setting so you can if you're gonna not your helmet down it'll stop at a certain position right where you needed to be to be able to see your well inside the screen. Has little plastic brackets there so that you can use. One of these challenges I just started using these cheater lance's in my welding since I started working with the ticket machine and it made a huge difference for me and what I can see which therefore in turn just instantly improves your welding ever did for me I'll put a link for these as well these are a power of 2. They have several different options I just bought the twos because I think that matches the readers that I use and as I get older I need readers to. To read or work and darker dam situations which is exactly what you're doing when you're welding. So I think I bought 2 it came with a set of 2 for $10. I get up at the link below with with the helmet. Link as well. So anyway guys. Yes welder. Bottle L. Y. 800 H.. Welding helmet throw my manual says M. 800 H.. Interesting but inside here this is L. Y.. L. Y. 800 H. is the model number of this particular how much. Lots of neat features got the bigger screen for sensors. A larger what. 3.9 by 3.5 I think is on the screen. It's got the true color. Grind feature cut feature in weld. With sensitivity and delay. Great helmet for the price hope you guys enjoyed the video on the review if you're interested in it and you want to use my link in the description below I could potentially earn a small commission from Amazon that won't be any extra charge to use or if you're gonna buy one anyway and you don't mind helping me out I'd appreciate it if you use my links if you choose not to then that's that's completely up to you flies flying around here. I know I am the heck out of me anyway great little how much great price I'm really happy with it and it hasn't improved my welding.

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hangonimevolving · 4 years

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Craft Therapy

Between my dad’s illness, my uncle’s death, and some other random adulting I’ve had to do, the last few weeks have brought much stress, anxiety, grief and loss. But curiously, they’ve brought great pleasure too. Different people have different responses to crises. I have come to recognize that my natural crisis response is to be flooded with a ton of creative energy, and a strong impulse to put things in order, plan, organize, execute, and analyze. I also feel this almost manic urge to make myself useful to those who need help, and to be a source of comfort, calm, and assistance to those whose grief response is to fall apart, curl up, and have limited function. There are probably some drawbacks to my way of handling grief - but at least for this phase of life, I’ve focused on using my natural response as an asset, or at least as a productive impulse, to tackle some events that were both planned and unplanned in our lives.

My dad’s whole ordeal took us from late August through mid-September. I had been brainstorming and contemplating the kids’ Halloween costumes and my annual Trunk or Treat theme for weeks at that point, but once I returned from NOLA following Dad’s surgery, I knew it was time to spring into action. The kids had selected their costumes way back over the summer, and amazingly they hadn’t deviated from their original ideas. Vev wanted to be a blue whale, and Dey had stated a wish to be a lobster. So it was clear to me that our family appeared to be gravitating towards ocean life as a costume theme this year. Therefore, I decided my Trunk or Treat theme would reflect this preoccupation, and I titled our trunk “Discover the Sea!”.

Then it came time to start costume planning and construction. This took the necessary trips to Joann’s, to procure fabric and supplies....

... then a pattern was sketched out for the whale costume, using brown packing paper salvaged from an Amazon Prime shipping box.

Fabric was cut, pieced, and then sewn together...

Then began the process of strategizing batting and foam.

Flippers were created....

... and then inner lining fabric was procured, cut, and sewn, to make the two sides of the whale. Each side became like a “pillowcase,” into which the foam could be inserted.

Oh, and prior to foam going in - I top-stitched some lines by hand, using embroider floss, to make the stripes and striations on the whale’s underbelly, similar to what a blue whale has.

*This project entailed WAY more hand-sewing than I usually do! It was quite an education. My thumbs still ache sometimes, weeks later, when I think about it!

Speaking of hand-sewing - it was time to make eyes for the whale. I purchased a few sets of doll eyes from Amazon, and used these along with a hot glue gun, fabric, batting, and foam balls, to create a set of realistic (but maybe sorta creepy) eyes for the whale.

Hand-sewing those eyes, with the eyelids, and then sewing them onto the whale, were both significant undertakings. I’m surprised at myself!

I didn’t photograph this next process very well, which is a shame, because it was also a new and challenging undertaking. But for these costumes, I decided to work with craft wire for the first time. I was using batting and foam to give the costumes three-dimensionality and texture, but I was concerned about the shape, and ensuring that certain parts of the costumes - specifically, the tails, for both whale and lobster - would be positionable in a cute way that would help people recognize what time of animals they were. So, I bought this 3 mm craft wire off of Amazon:

And using a pair of wire cutters/pliers that I owned, I go to work making an “endoskeleton” for my whale, that involved two big oval “ribs” in the sides of the whale for support, that each fed into the fins of the tail to help them stay upright and give them shape. After feeding the wires through the body and tail, I stuffed the tail full of foam and batting, then hand sewed it to the whale body. I sewed on nylon webbing for straps, and the end result looked like this.

Not bad, eh?

Then it was time to get cracking on the lobster costume. Funny - for frame of reference with time, I started the whale on October 3, and finished on October 22. Obviously, there were many disruptions to my work schedule in that time, including not one, but two trips to New Orleans, and a boatload of grieving. But the result was, I had only about a week to get the lobster costume done. So I was motivated.

Cutting began:

Then the batting and backing stages were undertaken, to make a simple apron of sorts:

Then came the creation of legs, which took WAYYY longer and was WAAAYYY harder than I thought it would be! Using both sewing techniques to create casings, and the craft wire idea I’d had from before, I managed to make 8 of these bad boys in the end. It was painful, though.

The result were eight tapered, but bendable/shapable legs. These legs would need to be attached to the inner surface of the apron, and I confess I probably didn’t do as elegant a job of this as I could have - specifically, I could have made the legs, then sandwiched them between my apron layers, but I didn’t - I ended up hand-stitching them to the inside layer, which is considerably less professional, but oh well.

Then I decided to create a hood for the costume, upon which eyes and antennae would be fitted. This was yet another new venture for me; I’d never made a hooded garment before (I’ve hardly ever sewn garments in the first place). I used a double layer of heavy-duty fusible interfacing to give the hood some stiffness and structure, and also to bear the weight of the eyes, which I constructed in a similar fashion to the whale eyes.

I used a braided triple-strand of red pipe cleaners as the antennae, and created a makeshift grommet to hold them in place on the hood through a reinforced hole that I made with my KAM snap awl. The result:

Then came the construction of the lobster tail. I was actually pretty pleased with how this came out. I made a fatter, puffier, and segmented version of the “pillowcase” using a pattern for a lobster tail that I sketched out on packing paper again. I also made a pattern for the final “fan” of the tail, and used fabric with several layers of craft interfacing to make that the appropriate texture and stiffness.

Like with the whale tail, I gave the lobster tail a craft wire “endoskeleton” that coudl be bent into an optimal curled shape if desired. I didn’t bend either costume too much prior to the day of Halloween, because I didn’t want the wire to get too soft - but on the day of, I took the chance and went for it, and the results were awesome!

An especially fun detail with this costume is, I was using a shiny stretch material for the red portions, as well as a matte jersey red fabric, just for visual interest - but for certain areas (the underbelly of the lobster, the underside of the tail, etc.), I had this synthetic, scaly, faux crocodile-esque peach fabric that really looked cool.

Anyway, here’s the tail:

Oh - and the lobster tail was detachable. I used KAM snaps and my snap press to make some sockets on the apron, and studs on the tail, so that it could be removed. Reason? There is NO way Dey could sit in this costume at school with the tail on :) So I had to come up with a creative solution so that his entire school day, he wouldn’t have to be standing up like a horse!

The final stage of this costume was to make lobster claws, or “snappers,” as Dey called them. I knew he’d be irritated if they went over his whole hand, like a mitten, so I did some strategizing and came up with a way for him to wear them on the backs of his hands, while keeping his hands free.

And presto! I was done! Here are some “day of” pictures. I splurged and ordered both kids solid color t-shirts and bottoms from Primary, to be worn under the costumes:

I had an internal deadline for completion of the lobster costume as October 27, which would have given me a relaxed three days to work on my Trunk or Treat trunk and really enjoy the process.

HA.

Yeah, that deadline came, and it %^ing went. Fast-forward to me scrambling to finish the lobster costume on October 28th, then 29th, amidst numerous technical difficulties, jammed bobbins, and cursing while sitting at my sewing machine. This was my view all day, everyday, in the week prior to Halloween:

(feeling murderous)

I managed to do a little bit of detail work on my Trunk here and there during breaks from sewing, but the majority of the trunk was put together on October 30th (and the wee hours of October 31st). The stages of preparation for my “Discover the Sea” trunk were as follows.

1. Acquire materials. Most of what I used for this trunk was salvaged from crap I had at home, or purchased at my local Dollar Tree. I spent $44 at Dollar Tree, which in my book is kind of like saying I spent $600 in one shot at the grocery store :) Its kind of a lot of money to spend at a store where everything is a dollar.

If you’re wondering - this is what $44 of goods looks like in the Dollar Tree checkout line:

A few things were bought at Walmart, and I did purchase a can of spray foam insulation from Home Depot. The total expenses on this trunk were my most to date of any trunk I’ve designed: about $75. Again, this is probably the last year I’ll ever do this (sniff) so I decided to go out with a bang.

2. I had a rough vision of my trunk from the get go - I wanted a blue background, with a number of coral reefs in the foreground, and some strands of seaweed framing it all. I wanted a number of schools of colorful fish swimming about the coral, too. My vision of coral reefs included a brain coral, and I had a random idea about how to make one. I was worried that in case it didn't work out, I’d need time to either brainstorm another method, or time to adjust to my vision without the brain coral - so the creation of the brain coral was one of the first things I did.

Ingredients for a brain coral: dollar store rubber ball, tube of inexpensive silicone caulking from Walmart or Home Depot. A box or something to hold the ball steady while you’re working. And down the line - a can of spray paint in a coral reef-y color of your choice.

After making my brain designs on the ball, I knew it would need to cure at least 24 hours before painting - so I set to making the next most time-consuming element of the trunk: the fish. Using some fish shape templates that I found for free on google and printed, and a stack of craft foam in different colors, a pack of adhesive google eyes and a little tub full of leftover fabric paint from some bygone project, I made about 5-6 long strands of 5-6 fish each. I had angelfish, parrotfish, seahorse, jellyfish, and sea turtles of various sizes and color schemes. After cutting out, painting, and allowing these items to dry, I stuck them onto lengths of invisible fishing line (ha! the irony) to be used in the trunk.

3. Then it came time to assemble some of the coral reefs.

This started with the preparation of several cardboard boxes I’d been saving for the occasion (courtesy of Amazon Prime deliveries). I filled each box partway with some cheap gravel from Home Depot, so that they’d be weighed down a little and not blow over in the wind...(messy work)

Then I taped the boxes shut, and on some, hot-glued dollar store floral foam on top in strategic places:

covered them with either brown packaging paper, or some gold glittery wrapping paper from the dollar store.

Then came making the coral. Thanks to a number of awesome tutorials on Pinterest and Youtube like this one, I turned this...

Into these....

4. I had corals, I had fish, but I feared I might need a few extra doodads to fill in blank spaces... so I employed my children’s help with a stack of dollar store coffee filters and cupcake liners, as well as more google eyes, to make some clams and oysters. A pack of dollar store pearlescent christmas ornaments served as pearls in the clams’ mouths. I also blew up some various shades of blue balloons to various sizes, to be used as “bubbles” in the ocean water, just in case I had dead space in the trunk tableau that needed filling.

5. My spray foam insulation corals! I almost forgot. A $3 can of spray foam insulation, some bamboo skewers I had laying around the kitchen, plus some waxed paper laid on the grass, resulted in these:

6. I mentally prepped and kept ready the misc supplies I’d need on day-of: sea-colored backdrops, courtesy of blue metallic disposable tablecloths; dollar store Christmas garlands to serve as seaweed. Several long bungee cords to use as “belts” around my car’s lift gate, for securing the backdrops and fish strands in place. And, of course, the toolbox of Trunk or Treat, which includes: scissors, masking tape, scotch tape, staplers, pins, etc. I also borrowed a few of my kids’ ocean-relevant toys, like Vev’s stuffed animal octopus, Dey’s stuffed animal hammerhead shark, etc. to be placed in empty areas of the trunk and give it more marine life.

7. I told myself this year I wouldn’t need to trouble myself with making a big sign for my trunk. I have a small cute wood-framed chalkboard, and I used colored chalk to make a sign that said “Discover the Sea” with some cute cartoony art around it. But - of course, at the last minute, I found myself making a sign garland with a pretty font and eye-popping colored craft foam, to give the whole thing a polished look. It was my swan song after all.... again, had to go out with a bang.

Anyway. SO. How’d it turn out? I think fairly well.

Boom.

I think it came out amazing. I was really proud of it.

Trunk or Treat is NOT a contest, there were no prizes handed out for trunks, and its all in good fun. But for me, making this look awesome was not about impressions to other people. I DESPERATELY needed something to look forward to, something to throw myself into, and something to make myself feel good, after a shitty few weeks. Every time I look at these pictures, I smile. I am really happy at how our trunk turned out, and I’m happy that when I look back on this season of my kid’s young childhood, I’ll remember one really fun and validating experience, and not only the heartbreaking challenges and losses that we faced this year.

Another happy thing that emerged from our trunk - one of the teachers, Ms. K, who teaches for the 4-6 year old classroom, is going to be doing a huge project this spring where she decorates her entire classroom like an ocean scene. She wants to do sort of a class skit on the story of “The Rainbow Fish,” a popular children’s book. She really loved our trunk, and when she told me about her plan, I was SOOOO happy to tell her right away that when the time comes, I will gladly donate EVERYTHING I made for this trunk to her. It would give me so much pleasure and satisfaction to know that the hours of labor I put into making these coral reefs will go on to be used in another setting, for the kids’ benefit. I hope that we can make it work out!

Anyway. So, this was it - my Trunk or Treat SWAN SONG! I have enjoyed every year that I’ve participated in this event, and am very grateful that this year, the experience could be therapeutic and uplifting. I’ll post a briefer entry next with a retrospective of Halloween costumes I’ve made for my kids, as well as side-by-sides of my trunks over the years. I also look forward to sharing the crafting projects I’ve been cooking up in the weeks since Halloween - there are a few!

Here’s to craft therapy. Love it, love it, love it.

#Halloween #trunkortreat #family #crafts #sewing #costumes

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looney-joonie · 5 years

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50 Questions Tag

I was tagged by @bts-blackpink-bitch about 10 years ago (1 week) and I am finally ready to answer them lol

1. What takes up too much of your time?

Daydreaming about fic possibilities and what I could do with my life if I had the ability to create art.

2. What makes your day better?

Two things: my fiance and laughing.

3. What’s the best thing to happen to you today?

My cat laid on top of me and purred really loud!

4. What fictional place would you like to go to?

One that I have yet to put into writing.

5. Are you good at giving advice?

It depends. I’m pretty good at it in general, but each situation is unique and anyone who takes my advice knows that I have a disclaimer stating that I am not responsible for anything that happens if my advice is applied...just as a precaution lol

6. Do you have any mental illness?

No clue.

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

Yes and it’s terrifying!! I mean, one time I was able to make my head shake, but my fiance ignored my movement because I move in my sleep...so he thought I was asleep...

8. What musician inspired you the most?

I don’t really have just one

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

Yes

10. What’s your dream date?

My dream date is my fiance. HAHA! (It’s true..) 😂

But no, my dream date is being picked up at hotel in a big city <me wearing a very nice dress, my date wearing a tux or suit> and us going out for a ‘night on the town’. We would dine at a 5-star restaurant and then walk around downtown until we came to a romantic place. My date would then ask me to dance even there’s no music because ‘the music is in our hearts'. And then he would take me back to my room and leave me at the door with a searing kiss.

*sigh* I love my fiance, but he would ruin my dream date because he can’t keep a beat to save his life. I’m sure he’d be able to make up for it somehow 😂

11. What do others notice about you?

They tend to notice I have a huge ass. They never really mention anything else that they notice...IF they notice anything else.

12. What is an annoying habit you have?

UM - ALL OF THEM?? I mean, I have so many that it’s hard to name them. Just ask the people around me and they’ll make long lists without saying the same thing as the other. #iannoyeveryone

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

No, but that’s a good thing.

14. How many exes do you have?

Five...and yet, they never took me on a date. #losers😒

15. How many songs are in your playlist?

My largest one has over 600 songs on it...so many genres, so little time.

16. What instruments can you play?

I played the clarinet when I was in high school and the piano before that.

17. What do you have the most pictures of?

Blurry shit because my phone screen gets turned on and then I’m too lazy to delete the pictures. 😬

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

I’m not sure. I’ve always loved traveling, but have never been super passionate about just one place?

19. What is your zodiac?

Gemini

20. Do you relate to it?

Yup. I’m #twinning everyday.

21. What is happiness to you?

Happiness to me is being able to toss away all of my negative thoughts, just for a moment, and focus on something beautiful. It could be the feel of a cool breeze on a warm day. The fluffy white clouds against a light blue sky or speaking the compliments I think instead of just keeping them so myself.

Happiness is something you continuously work towards...and sometimes you have to accept that being content in the moment is the best you’ll get for now. I purposely stop to ‘smell the roses’ and enjoy the little things because everything I know and love is in a balanced state. I want to enjoy the moments I have now so that, when things have shifted and there’s the sense of unbalance, I can look back and draw on those moments. Those little moments are so important to be able to recall so that you can continue to work towards happiness in times of sadness. (Sorry for the mini...rant?)

22. Are you going through anything right now?

Yes. I won’t get too detailed, but back in February I went on emergency hiatus because my dad has CIDP (emergency hiatus post here). He hasn’t had a treatment since February, so his ability to walk and do other things has gradually become much worse. It’s not something that many people have to live with for a long time...which is why I had my happiness rant above. Plus I’ve been trying to get a better job since I graduated from college in December 2018, but practically nobody is hiring. So that’s great.

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made?

There really is no ‘worst decision’ for me. I am who I am today because of all the decisions I have made both good and bad. So, for me to point out my ‘worst decision’ would be to say I have regrets. Which I don’t because I don’t have time for ‘what ifs’ and regrets. I only have time for helping myself and others to better themselves.

24. What’s your favorite store?

Gift shops.

25. What’s your opinion on abortion?

I strongly believe in keeping my political opinions to myself.

26. Do you keep a bucket list?

Mentally, yeah. But I’m forgetful, so it’s ever-changing.

27. Do you have a favorite album?

Yes. Comedown Machine by The Strokes. I bought it because it looked cool and I love every single song.

28. What do you want for your birthday?

I really want to have a full-time job! I also want these BTS Hanahaki Series pins by Wiblash on Instagram!!

29. What are most people’s first impression of you?

People think that I cower at anyone who seems to be an authoritative figure as well as be a ‘yes-man’

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

Everyone has thought I look like I’m either younger or WAY older than I actually am. Everyone also assumes I have kids. And I mean EVERYONE. 😠

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

On my nightstand to prevent an accidental fire.

32. What word do you say the most?

I say um, well, and like a lot because they make it easier to drag my sentences out when I lose my train of thought.

33. What’s the oldest age you would date?

It’s kind of..besides the point now that I’m getting married, but at one point I ‘dated’ a guy who was almost 10 years older than me. I DODGED A BULLET WITH THAT GUY!! With my experience, I probably wouldn’t pick someone more than 5 years older than me.

34. What’s the youngest age you would date?

I’ve always liked my guys to be slightly younger than me ( my fiance is about 9 months younger than me) and all my exs except the one mentioned in the above question were either the same age as me or a little younger. I wouldn’t date anyone born after 2000. Still doesn’t matter much since I’m getting married.😂

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?

Retail. But that’s only because I’ve been in customer service so long that I have a lot of mannerisms that I have accidentally brought over into my personal life.

36. What’s your favorite music genre?

I don’t have one.

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

TL;DWR - Too Long; Don’t Wanna Research.

38. What is your current favorite song?

Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leppard

39. How long have you had this blog for?

01/07/2019 1:55:37 AM (thanks @memories)

40. What are you excited for?

The BTS concert on May 12th!!!! And for my ATEEZ project 'When Life Gives You Lemonade' teaser to be revealed on May 15th!!

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

Both. Once I’m started, I can talk for hours, but I love listening to people talk too soooooo...

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

AHGJDSAKLGHJA UHHH, WORK ON MY ATEEZ PROJECT!

43. What do you want for Christmas?

DLCs for some software that I have.

44. What class do you get the best grades in?

Um...College Algebra and English were my best subjects.

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

About a 9.8?

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years?

I can see myself being an author and a mom. 😊

47. When did you get your first heartbreak?

First grade when I...liked this boy so much that I would kiss his cheek at least once every time we had gym class. Then he changed schools... (I found out later that it wasn’t my fault and that he had a slight crush on me then)

48. What age do you want to get married?

23. My wedding is planned for right before my 28th birthday, so ya’ll see how well that panned out.

49. What career did you want to have as a child?

Author!!!

50. What do you crave right now?

MORE TIME TO WORK ON MY ATEEZ PROJECT!!!!!! Gosh...there’s just not enough time in the day..............................................😑

I’m tagging @angstchim @ughdesighhns @parkseonghwa @gothicmingi @requestfairy @mhysaunburnt @yurakwonhoseok @today-we-will-survive @supersailorjoonie once again! If ya’ll get tired of it, let me knowwwwwww......😅

#tag game #50 questions #tag #ily all

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iphoenixrising · 6 years

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For 600 Followers: The Surgeon, The Captain, and the Soldier

From the Dr!Tim Universe: civilian!Tony, Captain America!Steve, and Winter!Bucky Barnes. Mr_Flamingo said he would read the shit out of this. Welp, there you go.

Dr. Stark is a busy, busy man. Even without the weight of Stark Industries on his back (thank-you Miss Potts), he still runs from one emergency to the next.

This one just happens to be to The Captain America.

Which is so Classified even the top level brass don’t know the guy’s real name. Probably because his files have been sealed longer than most of them have been alive, which is just grand. If there’s anything Dr. Stark likes, it’s a challenge.

When Nick Fury of S.H.I.E.L.D came to him because honestly, he the best surgeon they’re going to get in this half of the hemisphere anyway, Tony tried to throw him out for approximately twelve seconds–

Until the file was tossed over his desk and a picture flops out pretty much in his lap.

And that picture is of a beautiful man.

With a star on his chest.

“I don’t put Cosplayers over people with real problems, Nick.”

“Stark, when I say he’s the real deal, that’s what I motherfucking mean.”

Mmhm. And he graduated from Med School yesterday. “Captain America has been dead for only seventy years, give or take. Looks spry for his age, good for him. I bet he’s Osteo’s wet dream, right?” Because he really does enjoy having witty banter with his rejections.

That’s when Nick Fury leaned over his desk, “you’re the only civilian the Black Widow has ever let work on her, and you think I’m bringing you someone in a costume?”

Some of the incredulous is creeping out of this exchange with the way Fury’s remaining eye is focused. “Seventy years? Nick, that’s–” but when Nick hasn’t moved a muscle, hasn’t blinked, probably hasn’t so much as inhaled.

That’s when the possibility becomes reality.

“Holy shit.” Tony’s eyes blow wide and the run-of-the-mill play date in the lab to make something to help with those pesky arteriovenous malformations is right on the backburner. “You’re kidding me.”

“Would I be here if I was kidding, Stark? He is the real World War II veteran. You save his life and I will give you what we have on a certain reason he survived.”

Dr. Stark stares for approximately thirty seconds, judging. The next instant he’s in his sharp coat and red shades, riding to DC in an Apache helicopter.

(Once upon a time, he would have told the engineers how he could make it better, but since his Dad died, he didn’t have to build for SI anymore. He could build for his passion and not feel one fucking bit bad about it.)

Forty-five minutes and he’s scrubbing in, the situation crucial. Agent gave him the run-down without giving him any real information on how this happened. He got a glance at scans of the cranial fracture and hemorrhaging. Shards of skull had been embedded in the grey matter (which makes no sense how he survived this long except as another shred of proof he’s the real deal. Captain Fucking America… his inner fanboy is screaming behind his calm, cool, surgeon demeanor.)

The team S.H.I.E.L.D gave him for the procedure are obviously all military, and in such need of a good laugh. Dr. Stark is sure they’re under order to watch every twitch of his fingers just in case he’s going to try making Captain America a drooling moron or something while poking around in his brain. So, he has to pull out the old SI CEO song and dance, being an unrepentant witty smart ass and talk fast before any of the sternly gowned agents can threaten him with horrible dismemberment if anything should happen to their delicate snowflake.

He gets the one called Barton to crack a smile while they’re scrubbing up, and it’s all going to be fine.

All is right with the world, except when he comes into the nice, sterile OR–

Where he finds the patient awake.

“Hey there, big guy,” he pats the shoulder of the utterly stunning blonde (who is apparently as old as his great-grandpa and has abs for miles), “we probably shouldn’t be meeting this way, considering you’re apparently the biggest secret in the Modern World, next to Big Foot sightings and the what is that gross ring around the tub really made of debate, but still, it’s nice to make your acquaintance. I’m Dr. Stark, and I’ll be your surgeon for the evening. Let me guess, gurney for one?”

He’s talking but checking machines, supplies, and sliding the special eyewear, taking the opportunity to review the site opened at the scalp to show the skull fracture at the side of Captain America’s head. While he watches, the skin is trying to heal around the clamps and a nurse apparently familiar with the Captain’s rate of healing is constantly re-adjusted to keep the wound open enough for surgery.

(The impact should have killed him. How did it not kill him? “Time is of the essence, Dr. Stark. You need to pull the bone fragments while he can keep his skull from healing over it.” Christ, Agent Tight-Ass, full work-up next time for Project Super Soldier Sandwich.)

“Hm…” slurred from behind the oxygen mask, and if Dr. Stark wasn’t one hundred percent invested on making sure he had everything he would need to fix the oddly not healing bleeder in the Captain’s temporal lobe (with things like Wernicke's aphasia hovering in the background), he would have shuddered. “Got that reference, Doc. S’funny.”

Watching the electroencephalography to monitor the Captain’s brain activity, Tony glances over as S.H.I.E.L.D’s people start filtering in around him and the ones with guns watch him closely through the observation windows.

“Never doubted you for a second, Captain. Guy that punched Hitler should be right above a Yeti in my opinion. Anyhoo,” and Tony, gowned, gloved, and masked, comes around to look at the very, very blue eyes and hold a hand close to the Captain’s blonde eyebrows to check the dilation. “The nice esthetician over there is going to hit you up with something to make you very, very sleepy so I can fix that terrible headache you’re probably having right now.”

And Captain America looks up at him from under those lashes, quirks a small shit-eating grin, “ssorry, Doc Stark. Knockouts...won’t work on me. S’ ‘causea the Serum. Gonna be awake no matter how much they gimmie.”

Blinking with his heart in his throat because he can’t imagine the pain the Captain must be in right about now, Tony gets himself back with, “oh? Then I have your witty repartee to look forward to while I work, don’t I Captain?”

“SSteve, Doc. I’m SSteve.”

“Nice to meet you, Steve. I’m Tony, and I’m going to save your life.”

“Soundss like ya gotta plan, Tony.”

And when the slightly familiar red-headed nurse gives him the thumbs up and it’s time to start, he has to step back around to the site being kept open for him.

“I always have a plan, Steve. Fortunately for you, part of my plan involves great music and nice conversations while we discuss your vitals.”

AC/DC starts in with a little Back in Black. And since he is who he is, him mouth moves on autopilot while he works with a delicate touch, fast and efficient, getting side-tracked from his running monologue with Captain Awake and Alert and Answering to accept vitals and updates from the other staff.

It’s been hours, and he’s on up-to-date knock-knock jokes.

They’ve run the gambit of must-see movies (and no he doesn’t see Agent Tight-Ass writing down the ones Steve asks about in detail because yes, he should see Firefly. Alien cowboys, Captain. Alien cowboys), and spent so much time on just the 60’s.

He’s gotten some stories that are absolutely hilarious (because Steve was so curious about the most oddball shit, ATMs, Fitbits, Twitter…) and is closing the wound in Steve’s scalp before he realizes he’s...done.

“Feels so much better, Tony, thank-you.”

“Hey, glad I was in the neighborhood. You’re quite the conversationalist when I’m poking around in your brain.”

“Could say the same. Thought ya might re-wire me to do something silly. Bark like a dog when someone says bell or something.”

And the staff is cleaning up around them, giving Tony the space to ease down just a notch, and wink, “sorry Captain, something I save for the bedroom, not the operating room.”

The sparkle that lights in Steve’s eyes–

–is really his undoing.

Riding the high of saving Captain America’s life got him all the way home and to his bed, still churning over the events of the surgery. Butterfinger and U were happy Daddy made it home in one piece (he’d kept the failed surgical bots, unable to decommission his first attempts at independent AI just because they’d rather play fetch than learn procedures...besides, they’re his creations and with their capacity to learn, they’re still evolving), and absolutely pampered him with coffee while he told them about why he was so late.

Butterfingers booped and patted his knee lightly while U rolled back and forth in excitement. Their favorite part was about the Apache, of course. His children were Philistines (but what would he do without them?).

Waking up at one am to Agent Tight-Ass leaning against the bureau in his bedroom was probably the fright of his life.

(Probably not, but no one needs to know that. Few people knew about his kidnapping in Afghanistan from a Medical Conference five years ago.)

“The Captain won’t let another doctor examine him.” Agent Tight-Ass said without even a hello or the decor is nice. “He’s asking for you.”

Tony completely blames it on sleep deprivation when he almost says my Captain? but shakes himself out of it at the last second.

The implications of Agent being here strikes him in the very next second and he’s throwing the covers off and climbing out of bed fast. A clean pair of purple scrubs and Agent knows he goes commando under his expensive and stylish pj pants. “Post-Op complications?” The litany of problems Steve could be experiencing after such a difficult and delicate surgery flash through Tony’s frontal lobe, a slideshow of problems he should have been able to catch before anyone else.

(They shouldn’t have made me leave him. He needs to be under close observation.)

“No. But, S.H.I.E.L.D needs to verify the Captain is physically fit for duty. He won’t let another physician check him out. We’d like you to come back to DC just to make sure.”

And, well, he’s Tony Stark, so he tries to play it off in front of Agent just to be a pain in the ass to deal with, but even before he’s had a single cup of coffee, Tony is riding in another Apache with his leg bouncing in anticipation.

He’s thrown a Henley on under his scrub top, cuffs up to his elbows and probably looking like a derelict resident, but dammit, at least he has good hair.

The damn corridors are long and Agent Tight-Ass is silently striding beside him while Tony desperately holds a cup of coffee in one hand and the Captain’s chart in the other, taking in every detail and plotting out all the worst case scenarios. What he absolutely doesn’t expect is to see the gorgeous man in dark jeans, red t-shirt, terrible trucker hat, and a single black-gloved hand standing against the wall like he’s the only thing holding the building up. Tony manages to keep his tongue in his mouth when Agent Tight-Ass stops to introduce them.

“Sergeant Barnes, this is Dr. Stark, the Captain’s neurosurgeon.”

And those eyes are like winter, grey and cool, taking him in from dirty sneakers to the half-curl just above his temple. It’s terribly frightening and arousing at the same moment and Tony is absolutely, completely out of his depth in hot men.

(And in-between relationships, isn’t he? Why are the Gods so damn cruel?)

“Very nice to meet you, Sergeant. I understand you’re an unapologetic smart-ass that can kill pretty much anything a mile away and make the worst borscht known to man. Pleasure is all mine, really. Borscht is already terrible, but making is worse? That has to take substantial talent.”

What he doesn’t expect is the tall, intimidating brunette with the sexiest stubbled jaw to blink down at him, head cocking sideways like an inquisitive cat, “s’at so? I think the pleasure is all mine, Doll. After all, Stevie ain’t quit talkin’ ya up all night. ‘Preciate ya taking good care a’ him fer me.”

Ah. Barnes. James Buchanan Barnes. Always thought those stories were exaggerated.

Tony absolutely does not, does not (think about them together), lick his bottom lip while staring up into those eyes. “Anything I can do for the red, white, and blue, Sergeant Barnes. Just showing my...patriotism.”

Tony grins wide when he gets the Sergeant to laugh out loud, ruining his intense I will murder you vibe.

“Speaking of the Captain,” Agent Tight-Ass interrupts smoothly.

Both of them give the agent waiting with a patient, pleasantly neutral expression, and when Tony looks back, he can see the tension in James Barnes, and lets himself be his usual kind of confident.

“Honestly, I’m going to take good care of him. If the slightest thing deviates from absolutely normal, you will be the first person to know.”

“Thanks, Doll. Good t’ know he’s in the best hands,” and the gloved one squeezes his bicep, right above his elbow (and he is completely imagining that hand has absolutely no give whatsoever) before he turns to where Agent is holding the door open.

The Captain is awake at this ungodly hour and apparently more chipper when he wasn’t in horrible distress from bleeding all up in his grey matter. It was really nice to see this side and observe his handiwork, amazed the staples had already worked themselves out and there wasn’t even a scar to show surgery had ever taken place.

(Steve’s hair is soft and unfairly naturally fluffy. Tony’s bare fingers are threaded in it while his thumbs press lightly over the surgical site to test the healing and be fucking amazed.)

Sergeant Barnes is there for the examination, back in a corner, with that sensual bad boy thing going on, arms crossed over his chest, eyes sweeping the room every few minutes (like he wouldn’t notice?).

And once he checks the normal vitals and signs, looks for all abnormalities, any hint of a complication, Tony Stark–

–lies through his teeth.

“You need at least a week of rest. No strenuous activity at all. No punching Nazis, jumping out of planes, or potentially dangerous anything. Watch terrible daytime TV, eat your weight in bad food, and take it easy. The possibility for complications, or of re-opening the bleed site is high, even for a Super Soldier. Normal downtime would be months, I’m giving you a week. No arguments Captain.”

He turns to look at the Sergeant over his shoulder and they exchange a nod, but he sees James Barnes rolling his lips down like he’s trying not to smile.

“A week? A whole week?” The Captain honest-to-God whines, looking up at him, sitting up with perfect posture that makes his chest thrust out in such a distracting way.

(Those eyes should really be illegal.)

“Absolutely. I’m saying only a week, okay? That is very, very good news for you. From the scans taken less than an hour ago, you’re healing quickly and well. Still, we’re not going to take anything to chance.”

He grins down, completely confident he’s giving Steve the chance to get out in the world more, maybe get out from under all the Agent-Agents around here.

It’s all too soon he’s being ushered out the room and back to his Penthouse in New York, his heart thundering in his chest. The last twenty-four hours seem like some kind of dream, some kind of forbidden fantasy, something he couldn’t have really done, and being set back at his place with his bots and his lab, his nice office in Stark Medical waiting for him tomorrow, with endless calls from Pepper about the Board really wanting him present for the Quarterly Meeting this time, all of reality lays so heavy on him that he thinks maybe Agent Tight-Ass messed with his memories somehow so he’d never be able to tell anyone why S.H.I.E.L.D really wanted him in the first place.

He goes back to bed for an hour of sleep, thinking about Sergeant Barnes’ hand and Captain Roger’s eyes.

Dodging Pepper’s calls the next day between consults, residents, trips to the robotics, and some time spent in the lab, he’s in his office for a whopping fifteen minutes when his secretary knocks on his door.

“I’m sorry Dr. Stark, but they said they know you and he’s your patient–”

When Captain America and Bucky Barnes appear over her shoulder, looking a devilish mix of sheepish (Steve) and smary as hell (of course, the crackshot), Tony wonders how much effort it would take to clear his schedule completely–

–for the next seven days.

#crossover #tonystevebucky #tony stark #steve rogers #bucky barnes #Dr!Tim au #my drab #my writing #for 600 followers

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clientsfromhell · 6 years

Text

My family comes to me to always do their graphic design, wanting impossible deadlines (“I need this done tonight!” they’ll say at 9 PM), and everything free of charge. I’ve estimated that I’ve done at least $3000 to $4000 worth of projects for them, ranging from logos, websites, photo editing, videos, illustrations and even murals! Just literally anything they happen to think up. The cherry on top though happened a few months ago.

Mother: The neighbors wanted me to ask you to edit their family photos.

Me: Okay.

I usually have to grudgingly accept unless I want to be guilted relentlessly. I do as much editing and cleaning as I have time to spare, and the images all turn out pretty good, though some have to just be scrapped because the photographer took crappy images. I send them back, and they thank me. Cool beans. And just note, I did this free of charge. Then a month later my mom comes back to me.

Mother: You know those pictures you edited for the neighbor? They needed you to fix this one asap.

She gives me one of the crappy images. Like the camera was totally out of focus, there was a horrible lens flare, and it looked like a cloud of dust motes had been filling the field of view making everyone in the picture nearly disappear.

Me: There’s really nothing that can be done about that picture.

Mother: Well can’t you make it clearer?

Me: No, the camera that took it was out of focus.

Mother: Yes you can, just change the DPI to a higher number.

Me: It’s already at 600 DPI. That wouldn’t do anything to make the image clearer. There was clearly something in front of the lens too.

Mother: Can’t you just Photoshop everyone in from the other images?

Me: I could, but then they’d be sitting on a blurry white background.

Mother: No, the background needs to be fixed too.

Me: Did the photographer take a picture of just the scenery for me to paste the people on to?

Mother: No.

Me: Then there is really nothing I can feasibly do to make this work.

Mother: You are just being difficult! I know you can fix this and you just don’t want to.

Me: No, no one could work this out to look halfway decent without reshooting the image.

My mother goes silent at this point, and to get her off my back, I just make like 5 iterations of everything she asked me to do that I possibly could, including changing the DPI, cutting and pasting crap together, and I send it to her. Then my sister decides to get involved.

Sister: You are such a brat! Mom just asked you for a little help and you won’t do anything.

Anyone know how to start the legal proceedings for divorcing your family?

#hell michigan

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baneismydragon · 7 years

Text

Draw me Like one of your French Girls... Part 1

This fic is dedicated to @yunyin who was a big part of bringing it about in the first place ^_^ (Warning some spoilers for ML Season 2- (Just the stuff we knew during the hiatus nothing important from the new episodes)

“Listen furball, I am ten times as sexy as you are. That is just a fact. People would pay to see pictures of me.”

“People DO pay to see pictures of me,” Chat shot back.

“What?”

“Never mind,” he grumbled, “the point is that I am obviously the sexier of the two of us.”

“Guys, I know this is a slow patrol night but you are giving me a headache,” Rena Rougue sighed, dropping down onto the platform and sprawling onto her stomach against the cool metal of the tower.

“Wait,” Chat said with a terrifying grin, “Rena. My dear, darling, friend.”

“Oh this can’t end well.”

“You are a fox of impeccable taste are you not?”

“Maybe.”

“And you are an excellent judge of both male and female attractiveness as well, are you not?”

“Ladybug is the hottest out of all of you,” she smirked, not bothering to get up.

“Yes, that is a given, but the point is-”

“The point is that I could pull off sexy far better than this mangy stray,” Bee interrupted.

“Could not.”

“Will you two please just stop fighting, it’s been too hot to deal with this level of stupid,” Rena sighed.

“It’s not stupid, my honor is at stake!” Bee huffed. “If you want us to stop then tell him that I clearly would be better suited to being a sex icon than he would.”

“Foxy lady, please tell Bee that she is clearly pollinating the wrong flower.”

Rena groaned. Clearly there would be no reasoning with the two of them until this had been hashed out.

“Fine I will judge your stupid contest. We just get a picture of each of you and then we can decide who wins.”

Both of her partners eyes light up with an unholy gleam and then turned to face each other with a terrifying intensity.

“Ground rules-” Chat said, “sketches only, no color, has to be done in 48 hours.”

“Agreed. Also no professionals, they are too easily bribed.” Bee shot back.

“Um...Guys…”

“Agreed.” Chat plowed on. “Realism only no alternate styles.”

“Like I want some anime portrait you weeb.”

“Says the girl who marathoned Mai-Hime last weekend.” “I told you that in confidence you mangy cat! You are so going down.” Bee glowered lifting off the ground in irritation, her wings fluttering.

“You wish,” Chat purred.

“GUYS!”

“We meet back here in 48 hours and Foxy and LB vote on the winner.” Chat said, pulling out his baton and twirling it for good measure.

“Deal. See you then whiskers.”

And before Rena Rouge could even get another word out, both of her partners had disappeared into the night.

“I meant we could just take a picture on my phone…” she muttered into the silence. She didn’t look forward to explaining this to Ladybug before patrol on Sunday.

~~~

Marinette stretched as she finally stood up from her sewing table. She felt bad about having ditched out on patrol, but she had really needed to get this dress done for her aunt.

Besides it wasn’t like her partners couldn’t handle a night on their own.

“Well Tikki I think I am going to head to-”

She stopped talking as she heard a soft repetitive tapping against her skylight.

Well that couldn’t be a good sign.

She nodded to Tikki who quickly darted into her hiding spot in one of Marinette’s plants, and hurried up the ladder to her loft to let Chat into the room.

“Hey, stranger,” she teased, “so what brings you to my side of town? Don’t you guys usually have patrols on Fridays?”

“Been keeping up with the Ladyblog I see,” Chat said, dropping down onto the bed and flashing his trademark grin.

“That’s not an answer to my question,” Marinette replied, climbing back down to her main room with Chat on her heels.

“Eh, it was a slow night. Also I need a favor.”

“A favor?” Marinette asked, settling down into her desk chair and leveling him with her best ‘What did you do now’ stare. She really hoped she wasn’t going to have to help him break into the Louvre again.

“Don’t worry nothing illegal this time,” Chat said as if reading her thoughts and putting a hand over his heart, “just a simple project that you are particularly well suited for.”

“Am I making you cookies again?”

“No. I mean if you WANT to I won’t say no, but that’s not why I am here. I need you to paint me.”

“What?”

“Well, not paint. Draw me. Black and White, pencil, full body. As sexy as possible if you don’t mind. Oh and I need it by Sunday night.”

Marinette glared at her intruder.

“Oh that’s all?”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much all I need.”

Marinette picked up a ball of yarn sitting on her desk and threw it at Chat’s head.

“You can’t just barge into someone’s house and order them to draw a pin-up of you.”

“I didn’t barge in, I knocked.”

“That is not the point, you still just waltzed in and expected me to draw you.”

“Well you do draw.”

“Yes fashion. Not on demand portraits.”

“I am also not demanding, I asked for a favor.”

“Yeah well my answer is no. It’s not like I sit around hoping for you to stop in so I can draw you as some sex god.”

“But you do think I am a sex god?” Chat smiled leaning in just a little too close and laughing when Marinette shoved him away with a blush. “Yes, I have so got this!”

“You haven’t got anything. You can’t just ask people for free drawings, do you know how much time and effort these things take! It’s not like I sit around drawing all day you know.”

“I can pay you.”

“Fine, I want a new serger. Top of the line.”

“Done.”

“Wait, I was kidding.”

“I wasn’t. I can have it for you tomorrow.”

“Chat those cost like 600 Euro. You can’t just waltz in with a high end serger.”

“Sure I can, we have like 8 of them lying around the East Wing,” Chat said with an off handed wave.

Marinette simply stared at him.

“So can you do it or not?” he asked with a pout. “I need an answer cause I only have 48 hours.”

“You’re serious,” Marinette said. “You are actually offering to bring me a new serger if I draw a portrait of you.”

“A sexy portrait.”

“Whatever.”

“Yes. Like I said, this is very important and I know I can trust you.”

“Wow, that’s… actually really flattering. Ok, in that case I guess I accept.”

“Great. So I figure we can meet up tomorrow for the actual sketch. You get done at school around 12 right?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Awesome. I’ll be here by 12:15.”

Marinette nodded and watched as Chat did some sort of odd victory dance.

“So are you going to tell me what this is about?”

“Oh it’s just a small bet I have with a friend. I am totally going to win though.”

“I guess it’s nice to know you have so much faith in me,” Marinette said.

“Well... I mean I was going to ask Nathaniel, but I figured that might get awkward with the whole sexy thing.”

“Wait I was your SECOND choice?”

~~~

Nathaniel was pretty sure he must have fallen asleep, because there was no other explanation he could think of for why one of Paris’ masked Heroines was literally crawling in through his apartment window.

“Ugh,” Queen Bee huffed as she awkwardly clambered into the room, “I know you are all bohemian artsy and whatnot but would it kill you to have bigger windows?”

He said nothing, simply staring as the heroine looked around his room.

“Well you certainly have enough stuff,” she said, gesturing towards the walls and desks cluttered with various art supplies. “Yes, you will do nicely.”

“Um… I am sorry, did I miss something?” he asked, blinking a few times for good measure. Nope she was still here.

“I need you to do me.”

Nathaniel jolted backwards, tripping on a power cable and crashing back into his drafting table.

“You need me to what?”

“Draw me. You know that whole art thing you do?”

“Oh, right… that makes a lot more sense. Actually no. No it doesn’t.”

“God, I knew this was going to be difficult. Ok. I,” she pointed at herself, “need you,” she pointed back to Nathaniel, “to draw a picture of me. By Sunday. I figure if you can make little miss goody goody pigtails look attractive this should be a piece of cake.”

“Okay,” Nathaniel said rubbing his temples in an attempt to starve off his oncoming headache, “either I have gone insane or you have, because I have no idea what you are talking about. Was there an akuma? Should I be looking for cover or something?”

“No, I just need you to draw me. And make it sexy. I mean I am always sexy, but it needs to be like extra sexy. Try not to drool on my picture. You’ll do great.”

Nathaniel was fairly certain he was the source of the oddly choked wheezing noise that sounded when Queen Bee patted him approvingly on the head.

“Um, Queen Bee…”

“Just Bee is fine. We have a working relationship now.”

“Ok, Bee… why am I drawing you, exactly?” Nathanael asked, side stepping away from his uninvited guest and sitting down on his drawing stool.

She blinked as if he had asked her to explain the current state of the geopolitical climate and not a simple question. “Because I asked you too,” she said.

Nathanael opened his mouth to argue that you can’t just tell an artist to draw you because they can, but realized that the girl currently thumbing through his portfolio could probably toss him one handed out of his previously acknowledged small window, and thought better of it. She could be under the influence of an akuma. It was hardly unprecedented after all for one of the heroes to get caught in the crossfire after a fight, and without more information it was best to stay on her good side.

“These are actually really good,” Bee said with a smile, and Nathanael felt his cheeks reddened at the compliment, “I always did have an eye for quality.” She shot him a playful wink and Nathanael wondered if he could die of embarrassment. If nothing else he was pretty sure that his skin was the same shade as his hair.

“Well, um… I guess I could draw you as a commission. It would cost-” he began, but before he could finish Bee’s whole face lit up delightedly and she squealed.

“I already thought of that,” she grinned, reaching into the small weapon satchel on her hip and drawing out a pile of bills that she slammed onto the table next to him. “Oh this is going to be so great! I can’t wait to see the look on his stupid face! So, we aren’t going to do the actual drawing here right? I don’t think the lighting is going to set me off to my best advantage.”

“That’s like 500 Euro,” Nathaniel gasped, staring down at the pile of money.

“Yeah, that should be plenty for a deposit, you’re not Degas you know.”

“A deposit?” Nathanael gasped.

“Yeah, I know how this works. You get the rest when we are done, I don’t want you going crazy with artistic liberties or whatever. This has to be perfect. We can meet up tomorrow at the park next to your school at the end of classes and go from there ok?”

Nathanael looked at Queen Bee, smiling like she had just won the lottery. He felt a sinking feeling in his gut that taking this assignment on was going to end up being a lot more complicated than just doing a simple drawing. His eyes drifted to the pile of cash. He really did need to replace his drawing tablet. Not to mention the other supplies he could purchase if she was serious about this just being a deposit.

“Oh what the hell,” he sighed, “where in the park do you want to meet exactly?”

~~~

True to his word Chat Noir arrived on her balcony promptly at 12:15, the promised serger in his arms and a devilish smile on his face.

“I trust this will meet with your approval? It’s supposed to be an excellent brand but my f- my supplier favors a different company, so this one was destined to collect dust for all eternity.

“I can’t believe you actually got me a serger,” Marinette breathed, trying not to drool at the exquisite piece of equipment that apparently now belonged to her.

“Well, shall we get started?” Chat said.

Marinette nodded and they both climbed down into her room.

“So,” Marinette began sitting down in her computer chair and grabbing up her sketchbook and pencil, “how exactly do we want to do… thi… Chat what are you doing?”

She watched, fascinated, as Chat rushed around her room with a strangely determined expression, adjusting curtains and angling her chaise lounger.

“We need some up lighting. Do you have- oh never mind I see one,” he said grabbing a clip light she had attached to the window by her dress form and repositioning it.

For about 20 minutes he moved, tweaked, and adjusted every available light source in her room. Then when he was finally content with his work he grabbed the back of her chair and spun her into position with a triumphant flourish.

“What was that?” Marinette asked, finally breaking out of the stupor brought on by his uncharacteristic behavior.

“70% of great composition is good lighting,” Chat said with the parroting tone of someone who had heard that phrase a thousand times.

“Do you work for a photographer or something?”

Chat laughed delightedly, “You could say that. So what sort of pose would you like me in mademoiselle artist? Remember we need this to be sexy.”

“Oh dear,” Marinette said teasingly, “I don’t know if I know any poses that can make pun loving nerds sexy.”

He glared playfully at her and pounced onto the chaise.

“Oh I know,” she continued with a giggle, “if we want to be thematic we should try to stay with the cat aesthetic, maybe have you lay on your back with your paws in the air!”

“Very funny princess.”

“Ooo! Or how about that thing where cat’s stretch and stick their butts in the air! I am sure your admirers would love that.”

“Well I do have a fantastic butt,” Chat smirked, “but this is actually very important. So how do you want me Marinette?”

Marinette ignored the nervous little flutter in her stomach at his phrasing and tried to think. After all, she was getting paid extremely well to do this and she owed it to her friend to try her best.

“Alright well why don’t we try a sort of, lounging pose? Try laying back or something.”

“Sure,” Chat said, his brow furrowing in concentration for a moment before he swooned back onto the chaise, one arm above his head, one leg dangling lazily off the lounger, and his face angled slightly up as he gave her a knowing, come hither smirk.

Before today, Marinette would have said that she knew just about everything a person could know about Chat Noir without compromising his identity. They had been partners for almost 3 years, he had been friends with her as Marinette as well for 2 of those. She knew his favorite flavor of ice cream, his ticklish spots, how to make him purr and that fact that he would always get embarrassed when he did. She knew how he liked his tea and that he would mouth along with his favorite movies. She knew he was kind. She knew he was brave. She knew he was sometimes oblivious and prone to occasional bouts of jealousy. She knew he was easily entertained and would literally die for the people he cared about if it came down to it. She knew that he was a nerd with a terrible sense of humor. What she hadn’t known- or at least hadn’t truly understood on more than a hypothetical level before this very moment- was that Chat Noir was also very, VERY sexy.

She stared open mouthed at boy… man… ridiculously pretty cat thing in front of her, her pencil hovering uselessly over her sketchpad. He stayed perfectly still, all lithe lines and easy grace, as if sprawling on a couch looking like he was waiting to be devoured by hormone riddled females was his day job.

Where was her rambunctious, guileless partner, with his over-wide smiles and constant fidgeting? Who was this intense, restrained, gorgeous figure that had taken his place? And was there any way she could get a refund on her sanity?

She heard a soft thud and her cheeks flamed as she realized she had dropped her pencil.

“I donnow, I don’t think I am feeling this pose,” she babbled as she scrambled to retrieve her fallen pencil and calm her frazzled nerves, “Wh..why don’t you try sitting up? Maybe something more… I don’t know… uh… formal?”

“Okay,” Chat said with a shrug, completely clueless to the mental and emotional roller coaster she was experiencing as he adjusted into a new pose.

He sat forward on the edge of the chaise, one leg tucked up while the other foot rested lightly on the floor. One hand propped lightly against his knee while the other braced against the couch. This time his head was slightly tucked down, his brilliant green eyes looking up with a captivating gleam and his lips softly curved in a half sheepish, half hopeful smile that was somehow five times more devastatingly appealing than the smirk had been.

“This better?” he asked without the slightest trace of sarcasm or suspicion.

“Yeah… great,” Marinette gulped.

“Okay! Make me sexy princess,” he said, his grin widening for just a moment before falling back into his pose.

“I don’t think that will be a problem,” Marinette muttered. Ignoring the heat she could feel rising in her cheeks, she began to sketch.

___

Nathaniel wasn’t sure if he was disappointed or relieved when he saw Queen Bee trying, and failing, to hide herself behind a tree in the school courtyard.

Several of his other school mates had already caught sight of the hero and were giggling amongst their friend groups or pulling out phones to grab some pictures.

“Psst! Nathaniel! NATHA- ugh- I’m over here!” She began frantically waving him over, clearly struggling not to resort to shouting at him.

Nathaniel bit back a smile as he watched the out of place superhero, clearly oblivious to the stares and whispers she was garnering. The lack of stealth was actually rather endearing. He was almost tempted to pretend that he didn’t see her just to see what she would do, but decided it wasn’t worth it to press his luck with someone who could probably pick him up with one hand.

He hurried over and as soon as he was in grabbing distance found himself hauled into a nearby bush.

“Oh good you’re here! So Nath, can I call you Nath?”

“Um… no?”

“I’m gonna call you Nath. So anyways Nath, I have the perfect place for you to work, it will be a much better atmosphere than your cramped little bedroom. I assume you have everything you need?”

Nathaniel blinked. “I have a sketchbook and my pencils, but-”

“Perfect! OK! Let’s go!”

“Wait what do you- OH MY GOD…” and without any further warning Nathaniel found himself desperately clinging to his new patroness as she lifted them both effortlessly into the sky.

The next few minutes were a blur for Nathaniel. I was fairly sure that Queen Bee had yelled something at him, but it was drown out by his own occasional scream of terror as they zoomed horrifyingly close to chimneys, spires, and even one particularly menacing looking (at least at the time) clock tower.

By the time they landed at their destination his vision was blurry and he was trying not to throw up.

“See, here we are safe and sound,” Bee said happily. She slapped him on the back and Nathaniel staggered forward.

“Jeez, you really don’t like flying do you? Sorry. I’ll go slower next time.”

“Next time…” Nathaniel wheezed, allowing Bee to pull him forward from the balcony and through the large glass doors.

“Here, sit. Let me get you some water. That’s what you want right? Water?”

“Water would be great,” Nathaniel said, letting out a long breath as she hurried off to complete her task. Now that he was no longer in fear of being dropped to his death, Nathaniel allowed himself to relax and catch his bearings.

He looked around the large suite, noting the impressive amount of natural lighting, the lavish furnishings… the very familiar furnishing.

He stood up, rushing over to the other side of the room. Sure enough, there was a large king sized canopy bed, complete with the Ladybug plush pillow and a small, well loved yellow bear.

“Nath? Nath, where did… oh, there you are. I have your water,” Bee said, holding out the glass with a smug little grin.

“OMG You’re Chloe,” Nathaniel said.

“What,” Bee said, her voice taking on a familiar shrillness, “no I’m not, why would you say that?”

It was like a lightswitch had turned on in his brain. Now that he knew everything seemed so obvious. How could it be anyone BUT Chloe. She had her looks, her voice, her mannerisms. Nathaniel had drawn dozens, maybe hundreds of pictures of all of the five heroes, yet somehow he had never made the now obvious connection. It must have been some kind of magic. It was the only thing that made sense. Either that or he was the world’s biggest idiot.

He was going to go with magic.

“You’re Chloe,” he said again, mostly because his brain was still trying to process the fact that one of the beloved heroes of Paris was actually the school’s reigning queen of terror.

“Of course I am not Chloe! I mean… that would be stupid. Plus, Chloe is like, really busy being fabulous and probably out buying those amazing Dulci pumps I’ve been meaning to grab for forever.”

“Really?” Nathaniel said skeptically.

“Obviously,” she said with a dramatic flip of her hair, though her voice trembled nervously.

“We are in your room,” Nathaniel pointed out flatly.

“Yeah, so?”

“So I’ve been to your room before Chloe!”

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” she insisted stubbornly. “Besides everyone says that this Chloe person is really mean. And I’ve been nothing but nice to you. I’m a hero.”

Nathaniel felt his heart soften a little in spite of himself at her vulnerable tone. He stared at Chloe, so many things clicking into place now that he knew her secret. Her continued obsession with Ladybug, her complete turn around on her opinion of Chat Noir whom she had always been dismissive of back in their first year of college. Her slow but steady attempts to be nicer to everyone in the school who wasn’t named Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

“You know Chloe has actually gotten a lot better these days,” he said cautiously.

“You… you think so?” she asked breathlessly, and Nathaniel couldn’t quite hold back a soft smile.

“Yeah,” he said, and she beamed. The smile lit up her whole face and for the first time Nathaniel caught a glimpse of Chloe hiding behind all the pride and hostility. The Chloe Adrien had always insisted was buried deep down waiting for a chance to come out. It seems he had been right.

“You know,” he added “Adrien was even mentioning it the other day, how it was nice that people were getting to see you as the friend he’s known for so long and not just the class bully.”

He watched amused and Chloe puffed up with pride, her smile melting into her signature smirk.

“Well I would hope so! Given how much work I have put in to following all his stupid rules about proper behavior, including the one where I’m apparently not even allowed to brag about the effort I am putting out, the least he can do is make sure that everyone is appreciating... “ she trailed off and looked at him with a wide eyed, horrified expression.

“Appreciating what, Chloe?”

“Oh crap…”

___

Well I hope you guys have enjoyed this so far!

I was going to finish the whole thing and post it in one go, but A. Its way longer than I meant it to be and B. The middle section that I am trying to clean up is giving me burn out so I need some positive reinforcement lol. Anyways I am still working on in even as I post this so more might go up today, it will probably all but up before the week is out lol. Anyways hope you liked it so far! See you soon!

#my fanfiction #my writing #DML fic #Marichat #Chloenath #humor #zag spoilers

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everlarkficexchange · 6 years

Text

Battle Scars

Writen by: @jrheartbreaker

Prompt 36: Katniss and Peeta are friends on the verge of more. Katniss or Peeta is hesitant to take the next step until something tragic happens to the other (just not death) that pushes them to realize their feelings and commit. [submitted by @ra3lynn3]

TRIGGER WARNING!!

CONTAINS VIOLENCE AND RAPE.

Battle Scars

“Katniss! It’s the Prom. You’re telling me you really don’t want to go?” Prim asks me.

It’s hard to believe my little sister Primrose is in the 9th grade. It feels like only yesterday that she was in diapers. She’s quite popular at school. Practically everyone falls in love with her right away. Because of her naturally sweet disposition, her beautiful long, blonde hair, and her radiant, azure eyes. Not to mention her sense of humor. She is, by far, my best friend and my favorite person in the world. But we are opposite in so many ways.

“Prim, who would I go with? Gale has already graduated, and he’s going with Madge to Aspen this weekend.”

Gale is my other best friend. Most people think he’s my brother or cousin. He’s two years older than me. I’m a senior this year, which is why my kid sister, who would kill to go to any party, is trying to force into a Prom dress and heels.

I can’t wait to be out of school.

Gale’s olive complexion, brown hair and grey eyes that match my own, are the main reason everyone thinks we we’re related. Even more than that, we share the same temperament, love of outdoors, and being the oldest child in single parent families. I feel at one point, it was probably expected by our families, that we’d fall madly in love, but we could never be more than friends. He started dating Madge Undersee about 4 months ago and I’ve never seen him happier.

“Would you even have gone with Gale? Maybe he’ll put off Aspen-“

“No Prim. I don’t know why this is such a big deal to you.” I cut her off before she can suggest ruining his plans.

Madge’s great, considering her father is the Mayor and she comes from Oprah money. Gale’s mom, Hazelle Hawthorne, both of his younger brothers, Rory and Victor, Prim and I are so happy for Gale. He’s finally with someone who can put out some of his fire, when need be. Even his 7 year old, baby sister, Posy, likes Madge. Posy’s not easily won over, but a very good judge of character.

“Well, you should go… I may have even flirted with a teachers aid to procure a dress for you.” Prim states crossing her arms and sighing.

“Primrose Lilac Everdeen. What on God’s green earth are you talking about?” I question.

Where did she get a dress?

“I borrowed one from the drama’s costume department that’s just your size. Please don’t be mad… I think there’s a boy who wants to go with you, too. This guy, who I‘m pretty sure I’ve seen staring at you before, stopped Rory and I walking home the other day and asked us if I was your sister. Anyway, he was asking him to ask me. And… if you have a date to Prom! Maybe he’s gonna ask you today.” Prim squeals.

He’s probably a creeper.

She should’ve called the police.

Even if he’s not…

“I don’t want my baby sister setting me up on a date.”

“I’m technically not. But, Katniss, he’s gorgeous, blond and blue eyed, and he had on a letterman’s jacket. I don’t know him that well, but Rory does. He said he’s a really nice guy. You should give him a chance.” She says, her eyes pleading with me.

“Prim, seriously? The dance is tomorrow and I don’t have any shoes. My hair-”

“I got 20 bucks. From babysitting Posy for Hazelle last weekend… and I’ll do your hair. Come on Kat.” She whines.

Ugh, She’s giving me no outs.

“Prim you can’t use your money on me.”

“Sissy you deserve this. Mom works all the time; which leaves you here to help me with my homework, dinner every night, and you always have just enough money to get anything I need. Whether it’s supplies for projects, dance classes, or new cheerleading outfits. You’ve even magically provided me with lunch money we didn’t have, when I cried like a brat, because it wasn’t cool to have a boxed lunch anymore. You’ve given up every other school dance and so many extracurricular activity for me.”

Her voice starts quivering her eyes well up, but she pushes on. “ Please let me do this for you. Cause one day… after you move to L.A., becoming a famous singer/song writer, I won’t have many opportunities to make up for all you’ve done for me.”

Great now I’m gonna cry.

“Oh, Little Duck, you’re so sweet. I do all of those things for you because… I’m your big sister, and I love you. Thank you for believing in me, but I’m probably not going to be famous, Prim. Plus, who says I’m moving to L.A.?” I counter.

How could she know!?

“I saw the brochure and expectance letter under your bed for the Arts Academy in Hollywood. Aren’t you excited?” She asks sniffling and wiping her eyes.

“Prim, why were you? How… I’m not going there. I mean, I haven’t decided… it would be too far and it’s not even a full scholarship…”

“Katniss, you are mad talented, so stop. Stop doubting yourself. We could figure it out. Plus, your songs need to be heard. They make me feel like I could do, anything. Become anything or anyone I want. Not just some poor, fatherless girl, with a dead dad and a slightly distant mom, from Wildomar, California.”

“Okay, Sis, I’ll think about going to school The Arts Academy, but I don’t think I’m gonna go to Pro-”

“No buts… Don’t say it. You’re going to Prom, whether that guy asks you or not. That’s the end of it. I love you.” She insists, hugging me.

I drive us to school in my beat up 92’ F250 truck that barely runs. I got it from Gale. After he graduated, his mom got him a 70’ Chevelle off Craig’s List for $600.

It took him all of his summer job money, but he restored it. He painted it orange with black racing stripes. I told him he drives a Dukes of Hazzard car. Even though I later found out that car was called, The General Lee, and had a pretty inappropriate flag on the roof. He laughed at me for getting the car models confused. Either way I still call the Chevelle, Daisy, the character Jessica Simpson played in The Dukes of Hazzard movie. Gale says his car’s name is, Peaches McGee, which sounds like a country stripper’s name to me. Prim and I call the F250, Colby, since it’s a faded cobalt blue.

After dropping Prim in front of school, I park. I contemplate what I’ll make for dinner tonight since I know mom hasn’t gone grocery shopping, and we don’t get more food stamps till the first of the month. At least the rent money is in the bank. But that leaves me pretty cash poor. Grabbing my messenger bag out of the seat beside me, I head over to my friends. My main squad consists of friends I’ve mostly known since elementary school.

Annabelle Cresta and Finnick Odair are the it couple at school, probably in our district. Annie, as we call her, is as beautiful on the inside as she is out with green eyes and curly auburn hair. Finnick, who is both gorgeous and charming as hell, has green eyes, and seemingly always perfectly coifed, bronze hair. He’s like a tanner, funnier, Twilight vampire.

We have bets on if they will get married right out of high school or get pregnant before graduation because we all know they’ve been secretly in love with each other since 5th grade and they can’t keep their hands off each other. He finally got the nerve to ask her out in 9th grade. To his dismay, she said no like 80 times… even though I know for a fact; she used to doodle Mrs. Odair in all of her notebooks.

I think she said no just to make him sweat… and possibly to get back at him for flirting so shamelessly. Finnick used to tell us he would always be single, so he basically hit on anything moving, in a skirt and never actually exclusively dated a girl. But Annie told me once that he was over compensating. That it was all an act, because he thought he would get crap from other guys, for liking just one girl. When she finally said yes she would go out with him, she made him wait three more months before she let him kiss her. Serves him right. He’s been attached to her hip ever since.

Cordelia Cartwright and Thomas Mason Jr. is also a major cute couple. Delly, as she prefers to be called, is a sweetheart, but she doesn’t take crap from anybody. She used to be chubby in middle school… but one day, she showed up to school a total knock out, curves in all the right places. Her new body, blonde curls and crystal blue eyes must be Thom’s weaknesses, because he fell hard and fast for Dells.

Thom has light brown skin, hazel eyes and curly brown hair. He looks like his older sister Johanna Mason, who graduated with Gale but got pregnant and moved back home last year to have her baby boy. Thom and Delly are smitten with each other. They plan on trying the long distance thing while in college.

Bart Latier III and Wiress Hawkins… Hmm. They’re a couple. I think. They refer to each other as “lab partners” but… I know BeeTee likes Wiress, a lot. You can tell by the way he laughs at all her jokes, stares at her and walks her to all of her classes.

I even saw him once; while in conversation, in the middle of a sentence, take off her glasses, huff on them, wipe them on his shirt and put them back on her face. He didn’t even pause in his explanation of the Pythagorean theorem to Thom. She just looked at him and blinked a few times, and then went back to reading war and Peace.

Suffice it to say, both are brown eyed, brown haired, very smart, very cute, kinda nerdy, but very loyal friends.

I say what’s up to my crew when I reach them. We usually hang out in the parking lot until right before the bell rings.

Thresh Tillage, Blight Harris, and Marvel Gladstone, a few of the football hotties, is in the parking lot too. I consider them good guys and friends. But, Ugh, Glimmer and Clove, whom I don’t consider friends at all, are hanging all over those guys.

Glimmer Gladstone is Marvel’s little sister. She’s two grades below us and has always been a leggy, severely blessed on top, potential Pantene Pro-V hair commercial… bitch. Most guys fall all over themselves to talk to her, and she knows it. But she’s mean as an old, mangy cat. She doesn’t discriminate either. She’s mean to girls, to guys… to old people, little kids. Hell, she probably tortures, small animals… like a serial killer.

Her bestie “for like… ever”, Clove Fields, is just as evil but the exact opposite physically. Clove has darker features and she’s petite with no chest. Which probably fuels her perpetual bitterness. They wear skimpy clothes; too much makeup to be so young… and they think boys are meant to be their slaves.

“Hey uh… Katniss?” I hear from my right.

Huh?

Peeta Mellark pulls me out of my thoughts. He has to be the sweetest guy I’ve ever met. Always opening doors for people. Always smiling. He brings freshly baked muffins to his teachers. Not just to get good grades, either. I heard he volunteers to read books at a children’s hospital, in the cancer and burn units. Peeta’s good at art and wrestling and he’s also a football player. He’s pretty much the hottest guy I know, but doesn’t act like he knows it.

His dad owns the closest bakery (hence the bread name) and he has two older brothers who have already graduated. Peeta’s eyes, some of the prettiest blue eyes (only topped by Prim’s) that I’ve ever seen, frustratingly throw me off balance. I don’t usually get this affected by any boys. He doesn’t usually say all that much to me. So I can ignore any disturbance in the force, normally.

Even if I wish he would.

Stop just… staring at him, spaz.

Say something, duh.

“Hi Peeta, how are you?” I ask.

“Umm, good… Hi… I mean… I’m great how ‘bout you?”

Gosh, he’s cute when he’s nervous.

He runs a hand through his wavy blond locks. The other hand is pulling at his book bag strap. He looks and me at smiles.

“Hi Peeta!” Glimmer waves at him from behind us.

Skank, crack-whore.

Peeta waves at Glimmer, quickly. Then he turns back to me. I laugh because behind her, Finnick is making faces at me. Annie smacks his arm.

“I’m good too, but the bell is gonna ring soon. Let’s walk and talk okay?” I suggest and grab Peeta by the letterman jacket, pulling him towards our first period class.

Peeta and I have most of the same classes. He probably just needs my notes.

“Okay. I think you… uh… are really, NICE, Katniss. You… we have class together. And you’re really smart.” Peeta says.

We stop walking. I let go of his jacket. He glances down, possibly at my bag. So I guess this is about class notes. Then out of nowhere…

“Everdeen. Baby. You’re killing me. Why you look so sexy in those jeans? You should get locked up for looking so damn good in those jeans. You know that?” Cato Johnson says stepping in my path.

What?

Cato seems to be talking to me, and, well, hitting on me. I look at Peeta, who looks just as shocked as I am, but shrugs and looks down again. So I turn back to Cato.

Cato isn’t a friend or an enemy. He’s just a guy who most people would call popular and easy on the eyes. He’s so tall and buff for his age; he looks like an undercover narc. He also happens to be captain of the football team. Typical jock.

Never really talked to the guy. We have some classes together. I heard a rumor that a girl got caught hunching with him in the teachers lounge once in 10th grade. But there’s so much gossip at this school, you never know what’s real and not real. Cato would be attractive if it weren’t for his ego.

“What do you want? And why are you using those tired ass lines on me, Johnson?” I shoot at him.

I hear a couple of, ooohs and aw mans, in the background. Along with some chucking from my friends who just walked up. A little crowd is forming.

Crap, I don’t need an audience to egg whatever this is on.

“Kat? Why you gotta cut me down, in front of everyone? I think you are the bomb-dot-com.” He says all Rico Suave like.

Cue over exaggerated eye roll.

Cato grabs one of my hands and puts it on his chest feigning heartbreak. This kind of stuff happens all day. Just not usually to me.

"Okay. I’ll bite. What do you want?” I say squinting my eyes at him.

He must’ve lost a bet or something.

“Just what I said. I like you Everdeen. You’re cool and sexy. I want to take you out.” He sounds crazily sincere.

What the hell is going on here?

I feel like I’m being punk’d.

Where’s Ashton Kutcher?

“You wanna take… ME? Out? Where?” I ask stupefied.

“How, bout… to Prom?” Cato says, smiling from ear to ear.

Ho-ly Crap.

Is he the boy Prim was talking about?

She wasn’t making it up.

Holy Crap.

“Uh, uh… to prom? With you to…” I start.

“To-morrow night. Yeah. Come on. Say you’ll go with me. Please?” He practically begs, getting down on one knee.

He pulls out a single red rose from his letterman jacket. Swooning is heard from the girls standing around watching. My heart is beating in my ears. I don’t even know Cato that well. I mean, we know of each other. But…

Prim’s voice is in my head.

You’re going, and that’s the end of it!

I look around at my friends to see that Annie and Delly are stunned. Finnick looks nonchalant about the whole thing. Peeta looks like he’s going to be sick or something.

What do I do?

What should I do?

Drake says, “You only live once”, right?

“O-kay. Ok. Sure.” I say blushing and biting my bottom lip.

“Yeah?” He stands up and picks me up in a hug, swinging me around.

Clapping and woots are heard in the background. As he sets me down, my hands are around his neck and he kisses my cheek. Then pecks my lips. I don’t have time to respond.

“Class everyone!” The assistant principal yells and kids disperse.

“I better get to class.” I say softly.

“See you later, sweet cheeks.” Cato says.

Embarrassed, I let my arms fall to my bag. He walks away from me backwards, with a huge smile on his face. Then he turns and high fives two of his teammates.

Did that just happen?

I hurry to class and sit down. I’m still not sure if I made the right decision. But also, I’m sort of floating.

He asked me to Prom.

In front of a bunch of people.

“So? You and Cato, huh?” Peeta snaps me back to reality for a second time today.

Oh yeah, he probably still needs my notes.

“Sorry, Peeta. Yeah. I guess. I didn’t know he even liked me.”

“Well. What’s not to like?” He says so quietly, I almost ask him to repeat it, to be sure.

“Did you need my no-”?

"Miss Everdeen! Is my class taking up your social time?” Mrs. Leeg asks me.

“No, Mam’.” I say.

Busted.

Peeta looks and mouths at “sorry”, me. I give him a small smile and try my best to pay attention to the lesson.

Just like she promised, Prim does my hair. We found some cute shoes for $12.99, and the dress she borrowed, fits me like a glove. It’s a pretty, shimmery coral color. Right now she’s doing my makeup.

“Katniss! Hold still. Just… don’t blink for a minute.” Prim scolds me.

“Okay, I’m trying. I think you put everything in this makeup bag on my face. Are you sure my hair needs hair spray? I never use that stuff. Isn’t it bad for the ozone or something?” I ask feeling more nervous than I’ll admit to.

Prim laughs and shakes her head. I’m actually grateful to have my sister helping me. I just think people put too much money, time, and effort into these things. I don’t like being fussed over and I’ve been sitting in a chair, in a hot bathroom, for over an hour.

“Dare I say it?”

“Please, dare to.” I beg cracking my neck a little.

“You… wait… okay. You’re done!” Prim squeals eyes all lit up, clapping her hands.

“Bout freaking time. Oh, hand me my phone I gotta check and see if my date texted me. He was going to pick me up, but I told him I could meet him at the school.” I tell her.

Cato doesn’t really need to see where I live. Our house is old and small and the neighborhood is not like his; I’m sure. We have people selling on the corner and cars put on blocks every other week.

I see he just texted me.

Cato- Ur 2 sexy not 2 b picked up. But if u want 2 meet there itz cool. (-:

He texts like a 14-year-old girl.

Katniss- I do. I’m hitching a ride with my friends.

He replies right back.

Cato- Ur wish is my command. Pretty lady.

Ok. I’ll admit. That was cute.

Katniss- See u soon :)

I can’t believe I’m really going to Prom. I’ve never danced in front of anyone before. I hope Cato isn’t like some professional dancer or something.

“Oooh he seems sweet. With the whole, ‘wish is my command thing’. Like in The Princess Bride movie.” Prim sighs.

"Stop reading over my shoulder goober. Besides, Wesley says, ‘As you wish’ to Buttercup.” Also, he’s okay as a first date for me. I mean… it’s just one dance. We’ll see how it goes.” I explain.

“Well, with that attitude? He must be super excited.” She laughs. “Just promise me you’ll try to have fun and loosen up. As someone wise once said, these are the moments of our lives.”

“Okay, Little Duck. One; that is from a commercial for coffee, and two, it’s, ‘Celebrate the moments of our lives’.”

"Semantics, Kat.”

“Plus, I don’t need to loosen up. I have plenty of fun.” I point out scowling.

“Sure you’re tons of fun. Just have more fun than usual, mmkay. And don’t make that face you’ll mess up my masterpiece.”

What? I’m fun.

“Whatever Prim. Can you help me put my dress on? Finnick and Annie and the rest of the crew are picking me up soon.” I say.

BeeTee suggested that everyone chip in to get a stretch limo. I told them not to worry about me, because I don’t have the money.

Story of my life.

Of course they insisted I don’t need to pay, and that they’ll pick me up, because Thom’s house is so close to mine.

The rest of the gang literally lives on the other side of the tracks, like literal railroad tracks. “The upper half”, meaning, most of their parents are doctors and lawyers that make six figures a year. Or they are at least college graduates. My mom is not quite so well paid. She’s a Licensed Vocational Nurse and has been for the passed 13 years, with a long break after my dad’s sudden death of a Cerebral Aneurism when he was 27. He was an archery teacher at a college, with no life insurance. I was eight. Prim was four, almost five. She barely remembers him. My mom almost didn’t recover from the depression of losing him. So she didn’t work for about 5 years.

Gale’s family lost his dad to a fire about two years later. He loved being a firefighter, but we were all sad he never got to meet Posy. She was born after he passed. The Hawthornes really helped us till my mom came out of the fog she walked around in. I sort of took the role of mom when it came to Prim. It taught me having to take care of someone else is tough. Between Prim and watching other neighborhood kids, I’m unsure I ever want kids of my own. They are loud, usually sticky or wet and always hungry.

So I’ve pretty much managed to steer clear of dating boys. Till now. I throw myself into working at Sam’s music store and writing music since, that’s what I want to do. I’ve worked at a couple fast food places, when times were tough and we needed extra money.

I used to volunteer at the church soup kitchen. They always let Prim and I eat for free; and it makes you feel good to do for others when you are feeling like you’ve hit rock bottom.

Needless to say, we’ve been pretty poor most of our lives. But no one really knows. I would hate to see the pity on their faces and I don’t like owing people. It’s something I’m working on. Annie and Delly keep telling me that we all need people and that I push people away trying to be so independent.

“You look great. My baby’s all grow‘d up. Mom… she wanted to be here. But I told her it was okay. She would probably make you more nervous anyway.” Prom says snapping pics with her phone.

It’s only my first real date ever.

Why would I need my mom?

I kiss Prim goodbye, before I do something stupid like cry. I grab my purse and make the quick walk to Thom’s house.

“Hey Katniss! Dem fake lashes though. You look so glam.” Rue says to me.

Thom’s little sister Rue, is the same age as Prim and they’ve been best friends since they could walk. Rue is sitting on her porch holding her baby nephew.

“Thanks. Your partner in crime did my hair and makeup, so you know, I’m uncomfortable.” I say making her giggle.

“Thom will be out in a minute. He’s looking up videos on YouTube on how to tie a fancy bow tie.” Rue informs me.

“Okay. I’ll wait out here.” I say sitting next to her playing with C.J’s little feet. “He’s getting so big. Where’s Jo?”

Jo named her son Cori Junior Mason. But as far as I know, no one knows who Cori Senior is or his last name since the baby has hers. I don’t like to pry, so I’ve never asked Jo what the deal was with her baby daddy.

“She had to work as usual. But I only have to keep Cori until my mom gets off. Then I’m going to your house to hang out with P.” Rue says.

“Okay she has money for pizza. My mom should be home by eleven and no inviting over Vic and Rory. I don’t care if they claim they need to do homework with you, need to borrow a book, a pencil or pen, blah, blah, blah. Hawthorne’s are banned.” I warn.

“Katniss it was only that one time, I swear.” Rue tries to explain turning pink in the cheeks. “Vic said he and Rory couldn’t go home cause they got detention and Gale was gonna tar and feather them.”

“Yeah but when I got there you and Vic were on the couch, in the dark. And P and Rory were in her room, with the door closed. If you don’t want me to tell Rooba, Hazelle, and my mom, it best not happen again. You’re a smart girl. You’re holding what one of the consequences to being alone with boys can be.” I scold.

“We know. We know. Even though you didn’t tell our mom’s; Gale, Thom, Jo and Madge gave all four of us the talk shortly after. It was so embarrassing.” Rue blushes harder.

I got left out of that talk seeing as how I haven’t done what’s in the talk.

“Well, I said I wouldn’t tell your moms. I never promised I wouldn’t tell my back up.” I laugh.

“Ok, Rue, be good. Go on in. I got CJ’s bottle ready. Oh, hey Kat. Wow! Durn girl! Who knew you could be so hot.” Thom teases me.

“Yeah, sure. Compared to Dells?” I joke back.

“Well, you could be a close second.” He laughs boasting. “Ha-ha. My lady is pretty fly. No denying that.”

I hear the honking a block away from Thom’s house. The limo is white and gaudy. But it is Prom. My friends are such goofballs. They are hanging out of the windows and sunroof. They all look fantastic though.

“Hi baby. You are so cute in your tux. OMG! Katniss is that you? Picture, I need photographic evidence. Let’s take a picture everyone!” Delly screams when she sees us.

“You look so pretty.” Annie and Wiress tell me at the same time.

“You two, too.” I respond laughing.

Everyone hops out of the limo and starts pairing up on the Mason’s front lawn. Annie and Finn, BeeTee and Wiress, Dells and Thom. Annie is in aquamarine. Delly is wearing golden yellow. Wiress’ dress is a shimmery purple. And their respective dates are matching, with their ties, or bow ties and or, their cumber buns.

Crap! I’m the only one without my date.

Wait Peeta is alone too.

Posy runs over to us and I’m about to ask where her mom is when Peeta scoops her up.

“My brother said I can be your date since you don’t have one.” Posy tells him.

“P where’s Rory? You shouldn’t be out here by yourself.” Peeta tells her.

How do they even know each other?

I see Vic looking at the scene making sure Posy got here okay. He and Thom share a head nod. Vic walked her over but stayed back a few feet and is now heading back in the direction of the Hawthorne residence.

“I got her. She’s going to my house with Rue.” Thom says.

We aww and laugh at Posy, first for holding Peeta super tight, and not wanting to let him go. Then at her kissing his cheek before being dragged away by Thom.

Peeta comes over to me looking more handsome than I’ve ever seen him. His usually unruly blond curls are slicked back with gel. His suit is matte black. His jacket is unbuttoned revealing a matching vest. It’s the tie that catches my eye. It’s like an orange sunset color.

Funny, we sorta match.

“Hi.” He says to me with a smile on his face.

“Hey.” I say and we share an awkward half hug.

Man, he smells amazing.

“So your date is very young.” I tease.

“Oh, yeah P is my girl. Her best friend from school has cancer and I go the hospital she in to read a couple weekends a month. Rory and Posy go visit sometimes, so we got pretty acquainted.”

So true rumor.

“That’s so… awesome and really, really, sweet.” I gush stupidly.

Shoot me now, for social awkwardness.

“It’s no big deal, really. Anybody can volunteer. I mean you could do it… if you want. Anybody can, um. If they want to.” He rambles cutely.

“That’s so nice. You’re such a nice guy Peet. Tell me again. Why don’t you have a date, man?” Finnick teases him.

Peeta turns red and shoots Fin a look. Then he sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Well, I was gonna ask someone. But she got asked already.” Peeta says.

“Peet, stand next to Kat. She is solo for now too. Just so the picture is even and looks good.“ Annie says winking at me.

"Okay ladies, in front of the guys… yeah. Like that.” Delly orders.

She fixes all of us and pushes Peeta and I together so that my back is against his chest. He wraps his arms around my waist pulling me closer. I feel a warm tingly feeling that starts in my head and travels down to my toes. I don’t know where to put my hands at first. But I finally end up crossing my wrists and placing them on top of his clasped hands, which are up against my stomach.

Whoa! Butterflies.

Jeesh, what am I? Thirteen?

The driver takes the photo on Finn’s phone. And then everyone yells, “My phone too!” So we’re standing in this position for like 10 minutes laughing every time someone says, “Wait! Do-over. I blinked!” or “Finn, stop tickling me!” or “Put your tongue in your mouth, Tommy, and smile!”

"So… you look beautiful. I, uh… hope… hope you have a good time tonight.” Peeta says quietly in my ear.

Lord, love a duck!

He’s so freakin’ cute.

He has to lean down a little to reach cause he’s got about four inches on me. I get goose bumps on the side of my neck. I turn my head and say thank you, realizing my face is so close to his that our cheeks brush against each other’s, making me blush beet red. Peeta turns to look at me.

Boy, stop looking at me with those gorgeous eyes.

He looks forward again. Then I take the opportunity to attempt to hide my blush by quickly looking forward as well. But, it doesn’t help. Because, my lips brush his cheek on the way back front, as I begin to turn around. I’m pretty sure; the flash of a camera phone goes off at that exact moment.

Maybe he didn’t feel it?

“You guys all make great couples. Especially you two lovebirds, in the orange, I can feel the love when you look at each other.” The limo driver says.

Comments are unnecessary dude.

“Oh they aren’t a couple… Wait are you? What about Cato?” Delly accuses smiling.

OMG! How embarrassing.

I quickly let go of Peeta and walk out of his grasp. He looks lobster red in the face and a little angry, maybe.

Is it that hard for him to imagine us as a couple?

Six years ago, I would have been thrilled to have someone say that about us. I had a bit of a crush on him in the 6th grade but I kept it to myself. I figured, why waste my time? I’m from the wrong side of town. I had my sister to take care of. He probably would’ve laughed and so would everyone else have. I think Annie figured it out, but she never said anything. And I’ve moved on… or so I thought.

We thank the driver, pile into the limo, and make our way to the school gymnasium. I wish I‘d eaten something more substantial than ramen for dinner as we all laugh about our first time being in a limo. Well, it’s most of our first times being in one. I guess Peeta, Delly and Finnick have all ridden in one before.

“You and Peeta were super-cute in those pictures.” Wiress tells me quietly.

“He was just being nice. He’s nice to everyone.” I rationalize. “I didn’t know he was gonna ask someone to Prom. Do you know who it was?”

I’m practically whispering so no one tries to make a thing out of my curiosity.

“Apparently a friend, he’s liked forever according to BeeTee, ouch!” Wiress says but BeeTee who she’s sitting next to bumps her arm with his arm accidentally.

He apologizes quietly.

“Who I think he heard from Marvel, who I think heard from somebody at a different school. So basically, no I don’t know for 100 percent certainty. But maybe you should ask Finnick.” She finishes.

“Oh, well that’s too bad she was unavailable.” I try to sound aloof.

It’s a less then twenty-minute ride and when we get out, we see Glimmer and Clove standing near Marvel, Blight, and Thresh.

Those little hoochies are dressed in what are supposed to be prom dresses. But they aren’t seniors… nor are they dating any seniors. Plus, their outfits barely cover their ass.

“What are they doing here?” Delly asks no one in particular.

“Hag alert.” Clove announces.

“I know right? Hold on I’m gonna to snap that. So clev Clove.” Glimmer says laughing but not even looking up from her phone.

“Oh, I know you two jail bait, skank-a-licious, trash-boxes, ain’t talking to us.” Delly points a finger at them.

Delly looks them up and down and puts her palms up in both their faces. Essentially shutting up Clove, from coming back with something smart.

“Uhn uh. Save it. Move heifas.” Delly quips walking by.

Thom, Finn, Annie, Wiress, and BeeTee follow her laughing. Peeta is right behind me. I can tell because I can feel the warmth radiating off him.

Is he waiting for me to go in?

“Marv? Are you gonna let her talk to us that way?” Glimmer whines to her brother, sounding indignant.

“Sis, I told you. I’m not buying your ticket or taking you in with me. So, unless you two find dates… go home. That way, Dells can’t rip you a new one every time you run your mouth.” Marvel jokes.

Just then a pretty brunette walks over to Marvel. He turns, puts an arm around her, and they go into the building.

“Blighty Whitey, won’t you take pity on us and take us in with you?” Clove begs.

“Are you really a trash-box? Cause I could be into that.” Blight and Thresh laugh as she sticks her tongue out at him.

“There you are beautiful.” I hear Cato say before I can see him.

He is dressed in a black 007-type tuxedo. He cleans up well, I might add. He’s walking across the parking lot and winks at me.

Will I never stop blushing tonight?

“Yup, here I am.” I say lamely and smile.

“If you need anything… just say so.” Peeta tells me quietly as Cato walks towards us.

Peeta backs away from me and walks over to Thresh. Cato hugs me, and then latches my arm onto his. Next thing I know, he’s ushering me towards the entrance of the gym.

I look back over my shoulder and nod my understanding at Peeta. He shoots me a half smile. Glimmer cuts off my view of him. Probably trying to flirt her way in with Peeta.

Haha, fat chance of that… Hoe in training.

Cato pulls out our tickets as we walk into the menagerie of streamers and balloons that take up half of the gym. There is a table with punch and refreshments, and a DJ booth way over in the corner. Some tables and chairs are setup with people sitting at them talking and laughing. Right in the center of everything is the dance floor. The lights are beautiful. It’s dim lighting, but every color imaginable is dancing off the walls.

“So, you wanna dance or would you like a drink first?” Cato asks me.

Some people are dancing already, but not many. I definitely need time to prepare for that.

"Umm, I’m not a very good dancing-”

“Hey! What up C? This her? The one you caught the other day? Damn dude! She’s wavy.” Some random guy I’ve never seen says to Cato, giving him a low five that turns into a weird bros handshake.

“Yeah this is my hottie, Kat.” Cato brags.

“Uh, Katniss, actually.” I say and put my hand out to the stranger.

He has long blond hair. So blond it’s almost white… white as snow. Then it hits me. This guys name is Snow. I remember him getting teased in elementary school by some older kids.

He started using the nickname they gave him to introduce himself. Then they didn’t have anything to tease him about. Glad he figured out a way to deal with those bullies before he got all messed up.

“You can call me Snow. C-Dog here is my cousin, actually, so don’t you go breaking his heart. All right now, Kitty Kat? Cato and Kitty. I can see the invitations to the wedding now.” Snow laughs and gives me a wicked grin.

I pull my hand away. Okay, I jumped the gun on that one. Maybe he’s not the, take the higher road, well adjusted type that I thought he was.

He’s a little creepy actually.

“Too fast cuz. Let’s get through tonight, first.” Cato says laughing almost as menacingly as Snow, but then smiles sweetly at me and squeezes my hand.

“I see my friends acting stupid over there. Cato, I’ll just go tell them I found you and get some punch. It was nice meeting you, Snow.” I say trying to sound convincing.

“You too Kitty.”

It really wasn’t all that nice. He thinks I’m something you catch. He won’t say my name right, and he’s picking out our wedding invites after one date.

Cato catches me off guard and pulls me in for a kiss. It’s not long; but he brushes his tongue across my lips and I gasp, causing my mouth to open a bit and he smiles.

He tastes like peppermint, but with a hint of alcohol? He’s underage. Where would he get booze? Ugh, probably Snow. I step back, but leave my hand on his chest so he doesn’t feel rejected that I pulled away so soon. I can tell he enjoyed the brief kiss.

“Sure thing, sugar lips… I’ll be here waiting.” Cato promises.

As I walk away his cousin says, “Damn, Cuz.”

I walk away, faster.

Creep.

When I spot my friends, I contemplate asking them if it’s a bad sign that Cato may have already started drinking. But decide not to and tell Wiress how lovely her purple dress is. Out of my Peripherals, I see Glimmer clutching Peeta’s arm walking towards us.

What the actual freak?

“Hey there Cathey.” Glimmer purposely mispronounces my name.

Oh, no she didn’t.

“It’s Kat-Niss.” I pronounce like I’m explaining it to a toddler.

Oh, that’s right, I am.

“What Evers. Totes, literally.” Glimmer states so eloquently.

Ditz.

Why is Peeta with her?

Why am I so pissed about it?

“Peeta, I’m going to get some punch would you like some?” Glimmer asks him, which is shocking since she never does anything for anyone else.

“Yeah, that’d be great. Thanks.” Peeta says smiling at her.

She bats her eyes at him like she’s in a 2005 Mariah Carey music video.

Ugh! Stop it!

“Peeta, don’t tell me you brought her in with you?” Wiress asks before I can, as soon as Glimmer walks away.

“Wiress, come on, I didn’t have a date. The girl I was gonna ask, already had a date, so just let me… enjoy my Prom. No judgement, please.” He responds causing Wiress to look ashamed and nod.

“I just don’t see why you would want to even hang around wi-” I start.

“Don’t Katniss! Okay. You’re here with Johnson, right? So just go… be with him.” Peeta practically yells at me.

Then he turns and walks away, leaving Wiress and I slack jawed and dumbfounded.

What the hell was that about?

I walk back over to Cato where he’s surrounded by a group of cheerleaders and jocks. I almost turn back around, but he quickly walks over to me and snags my wrist gently.

“Hey gorgeous. Where you off to? We were just discussing the fact that you and I are probably gonna win Prom King and Queen.” He says cockily.

He must be joking.

“But I’m not even in the running.” I state confused.

“Sure you are. I nominated you as soon as you agreed to come with me yesterday; and everyone is saying how official we are as a couple. I can’t wait to beat Finnick and Annie. I bet they think that they have it in the bag already. But we’re gonna give them a run for their money. Right?” Cato asks sounding excited.

He did ask me to Prom and he did buy my ticket. He seems really anxious to win. The least I could do is try for him.

“Okay. Well, what do we do then?” I ask biting my bottom lip.

“Well first, stop biting your lip. It’s too damn sexy.” He smiles and grabs both of my hands, pulling me to a table far away from everyone.

“And second, take a swig of this.” Cato takes a silver flask from his jacket pocket and hands it to me discreetly.

Hold up. What?

“I… What is it?” I question.

“Liquid courage.”

I just stare at him.

“It’s just Bacardi 151. That’s a kind of rum. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you.” He says pushing it closer to my mouth.

Am I seriously about to do this?

I have had alcohol once before in my life. It was with Gale. But he only let me have a tiny sip.

This is only a little too, right?

Cato says he’ll take care of me.

I take a medium gulp and it burns going down my throat. I try not to wince in pain, but it’s just so strong. I’m coughing when Cato hands me water, so I down the whole cup and burp very un-ladylike. I cover my mouth and say excuse me. He just chuckles like he’s proud and then hands me some minty gum.

“Thanks?”

I suddenly feel very loose and tingly.

“No prob babe. Follow me.” He says raising an eyebrow.

We mingle with most of the patrons at the prom for about an hour. I’m introduced to a ton of people, and told a bunch of names, I’ll never remember. When we get around my friends they all make an effort to be nice to Cato.

But where’s Peeta?

When Cato pretty much tells my crew to vote for us, I’m embarrassed. But Finnick tells us he hopes we win. Then Cato drags me to the corner again to take another swig of his jacket juice. It burns a bit less this time. Cato then escorts me to the dance floor. He’s a really good dancer on his own. But he gets so close to me and grabs my waist rocking my hips. I didn’t know I had this much rhythm. I slowly start to gain confidence.

Yeah, I got this.

After the floor gets packed we start grinding into each other, my back to his front. I attempt to do what I’ve seen on TV and YouTube. Cato seems very pleased. My friends, who are dancing nearby are fluctuating between shock and admiration at my booty popping skills. I have to admit I’m actually having fun.

“I’m gonna go to the, um ladies room.” I tell him in his ear.

Cato turns his face and kisses me more passionately then he did before. But again I back away. I smile and he lets me go.

“Hurry back, sexy.” He says.

I’m not sure how I feel about all of these kisses. It all seems so fast.

Should I be kissing him? It is a date.

I try to make my way through the crowd. It’s jam-packed and sweltering in here. It takes me a couple minutes to get off the dance floor, and now I’m feeling kinda fuzzy. My girls must notice, and see me walking towards the restrooms. They’re close behind.

“Katniss! Look at you having fun!” Annie says grinning.

Boo Yow! Ha! Primmy!

Who says I’m not fun?

Not trusting my voice I just smile and high five her. They are all looking in the mirror, adjusting straps hairpins or makeup.

“Delly is a little jealous you can twerk it like that.” Wiress laughs.

“I am not! My boyfriend is half black and I keep him sat-is-fied. So, obviously, I can shake what my momma gave me good enough. But Katniss is doing alright.” Delly clarifies.

“Yeah I’m am!” I shout while waiting for a stall door to open.

We all laugh super hard and then it’s finally my turn to pee. They all take more time to fix their makeup, talk about after parties and check each other for tissue paper on the bottom of their shoes. Then leave telling me they’ll meet me on the dance floor. I think I pee for almost three minutes straight. As I go to wash my hands, I feel much more unsteady then I did before.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t eaten much.

Ah well.

On the way back to Cato, I bump into Peeta and Glimmer who are dancing at the edge of the crowd.

“Are you alright?” Peeta asks.

“You not maddat me inymore?”

I sound weird. I feel weird too.

“Uch! Peety! She got sweat on my arm.” Glimmer pouts.

Shut up trick!

“Yeah, Kat, you don’t look so good. I’m gonna help her get some water, Glim. I’ll be right back.” Peeta yells over the music.

Ha ha ha! Suck it, Trabeck!

She looks pissed and walks away. Peeta helps me to a table, where we sit. He gives me a cold water bottle to drink and holds one on my neck.

“You shood go back to yer jailbait. Don’ worry bout me. Ine all good.” I slur a little batting his hand trying feel my forehead away.

Drink the water. Don’t spill it. Good.

“You are not all good. You’ve been drinking? Did that fuc- Did that tool give you alcohol?” Peeta questions me.

Damn! He can tell.

“Noo! I juss haded like one skwig! We wanna be pom kink and queent. You don’ know how mush I neededed to re-laacks. I don’ dantce.” I sit up and try to speak more clearly.

“You don’t drink either. But you seem to not have any trouble shaking your ass.” Peeta scolds.

He closes his eyes while pinching the bridge of his nose. He lets out an exasperated sigh.

“Who er you… my dad? I got go pee-pee, Pee-ta.” I laugh at my hilarious joke.

He didn’t find it funny. I wobbly get up from the table, but he captures my hand in his before I can walk away. I look into his bright blue eyes. For the second time tonight it gives me butterflies. I hiccup.

I’m trying to be mad at you.

“Hold on. I just… I don’t like that guy for you. You deserve better and he isn’t as nice a guy as you think. Just be careful. Okay?” Peeta sounds like he’s talking through glass as I yank my hand free and scowl at him.

How dare he judge my date? He’s here with Glimmer.

“I said Ine good. You c-careful nodda get herpees! Yeah? Or scabies, fromm yer date. Unkay? Cado is showin’ me good time an an he assed me. Not you. So whaddayou care?” I stammer walking away from him.

“Hey babe… there you are. Thought I was going to have to send out search and rescue for you. They’re gonna announce the King and Queen soon.” Cato tells me.

Okay, gotta keep it together.

“Ca I hafe s'more gum an iss my maketup runnin’?”

Cato looks at me, and tilts my face gently in both of his hands. I can feel his breath on my face, but it’s cool and nice. He wipes under my eyes with his thumbs and kisses me on the nose sweetly.

Huh. See Mellark. Cato’s definitely better than Glimmer.

“There. All better. Okay? Just hold on to me.” Cato reassures me.

I eat some chips and drink a lot more water. One more bathroom break and I feel myself getting back to normal.

After an announcement by the assistant principle, asking the nominee finalists to step forward I start to get nervous, I’m gonna fall like in the Miss Congeniality movie. It’s myself, Annie, some girl on student council, and the varsity head cheerleader. The guys are Finn, Cato, Thresh, and Peeta.

What the?

We have more waiting around to do as they talk about each of us. People clap and shout out their favorites. I’m still a little shocked to be up here. Then it’s time to reveal the winners.

“And your 2013 Prom King is Finnick Odair! And his Queen is Annabelle Cresta!” Mr. Plutarch says.

Yay! I’m happy for them.

There is a ton of applause. Cato looks at me. I see the disappointment, frustration and confusion on his face.

“The runners up are Peeta Mellark… and Katniss Everdeen!” Mr. Plutarch announces.

Holy shit!

If anything it should be Cato and I. But it really shouldn’t even be me at all. Not even in second place.

They place a sash across our chests. This is all very sobering. Now when I look at Cato’s face, all I see is frustration. They give Cato and the head cheerleader third place sashes and flowers, and fourth place to Thresh and the last girl.

After the applause dies down, we are expected to dance with our respective win mates. Mine being Peeta, I automatically wrap my arm around his offered arm and he escorts me to the floor where the lights are shining on us.

I can’t believe this.

But I do love this song by Jason Mraz.

He puts a hand on the small of my back. I rest mine on his shoulder. Our other hands intertwine. We start moving and a couple of camera flashes go off.

Everyone’s looking. Please don’t let me fall.

“I didn’t even know I was nominated.” Peeta quietly admits.

“Yeah, me either, until tonight. Cato put my name in after I agreed to go with him. Look, I’m really sorry for earlier. You’re right. I do not drink. And I shouldn’t have tonight but I’m just so… it’s just. I don’t fit in to things, socially speaking. I don’t live in the right part of town. I wanted to relax and enjoy this because I don’t usually get to. It’s my last chance and my sister made me promise to try. But I shouldn’t have been mean to you and I’m sorry.” I apologize.

“Don’t apologize. It’s fine, whatever you do. I shouldn’t have been in your business. I should have just asked you to Prom.”

“Me?”

“I mean, if… if I wanted to be worried about you so much. I just didn’t… I wasn’t sure you’d say yes… to anyone. Especially to Cato… I mean he’s not even in our group of friends. You know? Anyway, you look phenomenal. Your sister was right. You should enjoy this night. Sorry I’ve been ruining it.” He tells me sincerely.

Aw. You’re not.

“Well, I wouldn’t say you ruined it. I’m enjoying myself right now. And I might have said yes if you had asked me, Peeta.”

I can’t meet his eyes after admitting that out loud. He lets go of my back and tips my chin up to make me look him in the eyes.

Those damned transcending blue eyes.

“Is it too late? To ask you out on a date I mean?” He asks smiling.

I here the words, but I can’t be sure I didn’t just make them up. He definitely looks serious and nervously nibbles the inside of his bottom lip.

“Can I cut in?” Cato asks sounding irritated and his eyes are glossy.

Damn.

“I… umm. Cato, I’m sorry we didn’t win like you had hoped.” I say not knowing what else to say.

“That’s okay, doll. How could you know, right?” He says but I sense something off about him.

I want to say, I don’t want to dance with him, so that I can stay right here in Peeta’s arms. But I feel obligated.

“I’ll just, see you later Katniss.” Peeta relents.

Though his eyes are asking me if I’m sure he should let go. I drop my hands and he lets go of me backing up a few steps. As he’s leaving, I think about the answer to his question.

No, it’s not too late. Ask me right now!

“Hey Peeta? No.” Is all I say and he smiles and nods.

“What was that about?” Cato asks as he starts walking me in the opposite direction.

The fact that I’d rather be with him.

“Oh, he just asked me a question. So I told him no.” I tell Cato hoping he doesn’t ask what the question was.

“Good, the answer was no, so he probably got the hint.” He says continuing to lead me away from everyone.

Only now he’s got an arm around my shoulder and is leaning slightly on me for support. We cut through a big group heading out the dance floor for a popular song.

“Where are we going?” I ask as we leave the gym, heading down the school hallway.

“I’m so upset about losing. I just want to get some air, if that’s okay?” He asks looking so sad.

Poor guy.

As cocky as he tries to act, it’s refreshing to see him humbled and vulnerable.

“Hey, it’s okay. Cato, you’re a really popular guy. I mean, you’ll be on dozens of pages in the yearbook and everyone will write about how awesome it was to know you.” I try to cheer him up.

He smiles at me and I notice his brow is full of sweat. If he’s not feeling well, maybe I can get him to call it an early night.

“I think it’s awesome to know you. Thank you for coming with me to prom. You look so hot in that dress. I just want to take it off you.” Cato admits slanting more into me as I struggle to hold him upright.

Okay. You must still be drunk.

“Whoa there, Tiger. That’s getting a little ahead of ourselves.” I caution.

I didn’t notice how far down the hall we’ve walked till now. I can barely hear the bass of the music.

“Katniss. I just feel such a connection with you.” He says as he starts kissing my neck.

Although it doesn’t feel bad, it doesn’t quite feel good either. He pushes me up against a wall. I put my hands up on his shoulders try to keep some space between us, but he slumps into me and he’s solid and heavy.

All right. How to let him down gently?

“Cato maybe… we… should go back to the rest of the-”

“Maybe you should shut the hell up. I think you should show my cousin the good time he deserves for bringing you to the prom. Even though you lost the crown for him.” It’s Snow.

Where the hell did he come from?

Snow is standing in a shadowy part of the hallway to the right of us. Cato stops kissing me but doesn’t loosen his grip on me.

“Hey! Let go. And what do you mean the good time he deserves? I’m going back to the gym. Cato! Let up!” I say as forcefully as I can while pushing Cato hard on the chest and arms, to no avail.

Snow walks closer to us.

Stay the hell away from me Creep!

“I really like you. Can’t you see that?” Cato asks distracting me, smiling with a scary look in his eyes.

To think, they are just as blue as Peeta’s. But they aren’t nearly as warm and beautiful.

Okay, Cato, let me loose. You like me, but I don’t like you that way.

“Getting all snugly with that Mellark asshole. Did he bring you to prom or did Cato?” Snow questions.

You’re an asshole!

I start getting scared for real. Surely these two idiots know that my friends will be looking for me. Then suddenly… without warning, Snow puts his hand over my mouth. I try to get away from Cato but he has my arms locked down and he’s too strong. I try to scream, but Snow has my mouth covered with some kind of cloth.

No! Get off me!

Cato picks me up and carries me into a room. The cloth, I realize is my runners up sash, is pushed far into my mouth, so every scream is muffled and makes me gag a little. They close the door and Snow stands outside of it. I hear the click as Cato locks it and the tears begin to fall down my face.

Fight him!

I’m kicking my feet as hard as I can, but Cato just keeps walking me over to a couch. When he puts me down I think I can try to kick him, but he sits on me faster than I thought he could move and grabs my wrists.

This isn’t happening…

Please…

This can’t be happening.

My eyes burn from makeup getting muddled with my tears. One of my eyes can’t fully open, and my jaw and throat ache from the gag and screaming. But that’s nothing to the way I hurt inside.

By the time he was done with me, I had passed out twice. Once from the pain and shock of him taking my virginity.

The second time was after I awoke to him moving above me. I tried to push him off me. I scratched him across the cheek, so he punched me hard in the face. Then he smothered my face with a nearby pillow.

I thought I died… I wanted to die… The odds weren’t in my favor.

He must’ve thought he killed me too, because now that I’m starting to wake, I hear voices.

“You weren’t supposed to kill her. Just show her a good time, you idiot! Now how are we gonna get her body out of here?”

Snow…

“I’m sorry! She got me good. Feisty bitch. I just saw the pillow and wanted her to be still, so that I could finish without her struggling.”

I’m gonna throw up.

“She was feisty wasn’t she? Damn Cuz.”

Then I hear laughing. Looking at my surroundings, I realize I’m in the teachers’ lounge. Tears threaten to fall, but I keep my breaths shallow so I don’t attract their attention.

It’s very dimly lit, but I see another door at the other end of the room, away from them. I carefully assess my injuries and decide it’s worth trying to make a run for it.

Snow has his back to me, and Cato is about to poke his head out of the closest door to look out into the hallway.

Katniss, it’s your only chance…

They’ll kill you to keep from going to jail!

Prim needs you…

Run…

Now!

“Hey! Get back here!”

Snow and Cato yell from somewhere behind me.

I’m so afraid that they will catch me. I just have to find someone… anyone. My feet feel like they’re made of lead, but I’m halfway back to the gym entrance and they haven’t overtaken me.

Please don’t catch me…

God, don’t let them catch me…

I’m shaking. My dress is ripped and bloody. I’m bare foot and bruised. I make it into the gym with only a smattering of people. I don’t see any adults.

Help me…

I scream, dropping to my knees.

Help…

Someone’s arms catch me before the rest of my body hits the floor.

I just want to be at home with Prim…

I wake in a hospital bed. I can hear machines beeping. I feel groggy. Looking through the window of the closed door, I see what look to be police outside the room and my mom is talking with them.

Mommy!

Where’s Prim?

I see Prim, sleeping in a chair next to my bed, her head resting on my arm. The other arm has tubes in it. I can see hand shaped purple and blue marks running up and down them.

“Katniss?” Peeta whispers from across the room.

Peeta?

He has tears in his eyes. His hair is disheveled. There’s a tear in his jacket. He’s got a bloody lip and scrapes on his face as well.

Peeta.

Does he know what happened?

Why is he hurt?

“Peeta? How? Are you okay?” I ask in a raspy hushed voice.

“Don’t worry about me. I’m sorry, Katniss, I’m so, so sorry. Can you forgive me?” He begs, his eyes glistening.

Forgive him?

He couldn’t have known this would happen?

He wasn’t even there.

“Peeta. You didn’t do this to me. I’m so stupid. I should have never been alone-” My voice catches on the last word and hot tears fall down my cheeks.

I try to control my breathing because it hurts when I take deep breaths.

“I wanted to ask you to the prom. I even asked your sister if you had a date. I even told her I was wearing orange. But I chickened out. If I hadn’t… or if I wouldn’t have let you go with…” He says a tear slipping down his cheek.

It was Peeta? Cato shouldn’t ever have even been my date. It should have been Peeta.

“Peeta. Please. It’s not your fault.” I plead with him to realize.

“He’s in jail. All they need is for you to confirm it was… to keep him there. But if you can’t… talk about… if you don’t want to… they can use DNA found… Oh God Katniss. I wanted to kill him. Finn, Thresh, and Blight… they had to… I almost didn’t stop hitting him.” He cries as he relives it and so do I.

I notice he won’t walk the four or five steps it would take to cross the room. And now that he mentions it, I notice the bandages wrapped around his knuckles that are bloody.

Oh Peeta.

Sweet, shy Peeta.

I did this to you.

“I’m glad they stopped you… because that’s not who you are.” I sniffle.

“He deserves to die. He deserves…”

“But you don’t deserve to go to jail because of my stupidity.” I say.

“You didn’t deserve… this. You don’t deserve to be here.” He says, tears falling.

He angrily wipes at them and looks down.

“Thank you. For… Thank you.” I struggle to get out.

“No. It’s ok. I’m just glad we caught him.” Peeta says.

Him?

Not them?

Snow!

“Peeta, there was another guy. Cato’s, cousin, I think. Snow? I don’t know his real name, but he helped him. He made sure no one came in from the hallway.” I relay, fresh tears forming.

Damn Snow! Would Cato even have done this had Snow not been there?

“Shit! I asked a guy if he’d seen anyone walk down the hall and he said that he hadn’t. I couldn’t even see his face that well, but I knew it wasn’t Cato because his suit was grey. Dammit! I didn’t think he had any reason to lie.” Peeta explains.

Peeta was looking for me.

“They… gagged me so I couldn’t yell for help.” I say looking away.

“I was so close. I could’ve stopped-”

“Don’t. You can’t blame yourself.” Prim speaks up.

How long has she been awake?

“Neither of you. I made Katniss go to Prom. I told her that you asked about her, but I didn’t know it was you and not Cato. Since you two look similar…” She trails off with tears falling down her cheeks.

They do look similar. But they are nothing alike.

My mom walks in, so Peeta excuses himself to let my friends in the waiting room know I’m awake. He stops on the way out to tell the police that the original statement he gave needed to be adjusted, pertaining to the guy he questioned in the hallway.

Mom comes over to me, and without saying a word, she just hugs me and cries. Prim cries and holds my hand and eventually we all calm down.

When police Officer Jackson and his partner Officer Holmes comes in, he asks me if I would feel more comfortable talking with a female detective.

Yes.

They also ask if I’d like for my mother and sister to leave. I ask for the woman detective, and I suggest for Prim to get some breakfast, since the sun has come up. She hesitantly does what I ask.

“Ask Peeta to take you, little duck.” Mom tells her.

A half hour later, Jackson, sends in a detective who introduces herself as Alma Coin. She is dressed in a black business suit and heels. Her hair is in an asymmetric black bob, with one streak of grey. I start at the beginning and tell her everything. She takes notes on everything I say.

“Okay, Miss Everdeen. Now, I don’t want to upset you any further, but I just need to be certain of the facts. Since we are talking about rape here. So, if I have this straight… you chose to go to prom with this boy, Cato Johnson? You willingly, and illegally, accepted alcohol from him? Although, you’re both below the legal drinking age? Then you say that you walked away from the dance with him… also, willingly. At that point he and his light blond haired cousin, whose real name you don’t know, and which no one else seems to recall seeing, at all, last night… gagged you and took you to the teachers’ lounge? Where Cato Johnson proceeded to assault and rape you. You lost consciousness, twice, then ran out, without them stopping you? Is that your statement?” Detective Coin asks.

She sounds like she doesn’t believe a word I’ve said.

Why would I make this up?

“Yes. I thought he was the guy my sister was trying to set me up with. I know it’s wrong to drink. I’ve never had more than a sip before, but I didn’t think he was a… bad… guy. He said… he said he’d look out for me. I didn’t realize how far away we were from the gym until… it was too late. Snow gagged me and stood watch outside the door. My friend Peeta saw Snow and talked to him when he noticed I went missing. Ask Peeta! I didn’t make him up! Cato… he smothered me. He thought he killed me. So when I saw the opportunity to try and run for my life, I took it. Thankfully, I had enough energy to make it back to where other people were, or I doubt they would have let me live!” I shout as much as my voice will allow.

I’m furious at her accusations.

Am I on trial here?

“This friend Pee-Ta Mel-Lark, is it? Is he the one who also beat Cato within inches of his life? Is Peeta a boyfriend you were trying to make jealous?” She asks.

What!

I’m shocked and angry. I hate this woman for accusing Peeta of doing anything wrong. My fists are clenched so hard that my hands are starting to hurt.

He was trying to save me.

“No!” I say shaking my head.

“Are you sure you didn’t just sleep with Cato, then make up a story so you wouldn’t have to look like the girl who got drunk and slept with a guy at school? It’s a common tale. You do realize he could go to jail for a very long time, don’t you Miss Everdeen?” Coin questions in her accusatory tone.

“My daughter… was rushed, to the hospital unconscious. You can see the bruises on her face… and on her arms. Katniss had a rape kit done on her. She was proclaimed by several credible doctors, to indeed be… raped! She needed stitches for heaven’s sake! She would never risk and innocent person’s life just to save her, reputation. This is the first time she’s ever even gone on a date, or to a school function… and she was a… a virgin until last night. So, this Cato son of a bitch needs to be castrated, and sentenced to life in prison. He can rot there for all I care. Now are you going to make sure that happens and catch his accomplice, cousin, before another poor girl gets hurt? Or should we ask for a detective who can do their job?” My mother yells at her through tears.

In that moment, I see her. My mother. The mom I knew before dad died.

Coin is visibly shaken by what my mom has just told her. She looks somewhere between angry that my mom spoke to her that way, and ashamed for overlooking my injuries.

“Asking the tough questions is my job but… I’m sorry if I offended you, Mrs. Everdeen. We have to ask to be sure. There are girls who make stories up, everyday.” Coin offers.

“Apologize to my daughter.” My mother says in a tone that states don’t fool with my family.

I shakily grab mom’s hand. She squeezes back gently.

“Please accept my apology, Miss Everdeen. You’ve clearly been through a lot. We will process Mr. Johnson, and officially charge him with rape. Unless he confesses though, there will be a trial. You may have to testify. He will be tried as a minor because he isn’t yet 18… so there is a slight chance he will not serve as much time as an adult would. I will do what I can to keep you informed of the progress on your case, but if you feel very strongly about having a new detective assigned to you, we can see to that.” Coin says and I don’t know how genuine her apology is, but she sounds like she’s telling the truth about the other things.

Trial?

Everyone looking at me…

Having to not only tell, but also… relive what happened to me?

I look to my mom. I think she can sense my apprehension… and the fact that this is all overwhelming.

“We appreciate that you’re job requires you to make sure. Please keep us informed.” My mom says coldly, and then walks Detective Coin out.

I don’t bother to say goodbye. I don’t like her.

I’m released from the hospital much later that day. When we arrive home, my mom gives me some pain medication. I settle myself on the couch to try and relax. I’m about to turn on the television when Prim snatches the remote.

“Prim, what are you-”

“You don’t wanna look at boring old TV. Let’s do something else.” She says looking guilty.

I can tell something is up with her. I ask where my phone is and she just shrugs. Then there’s a knock at the door.

“Is this The Everdeen home?”

“Are you her little sister… uh… Primrose, is it?”

“Do you have a statement?”

“Can you tell us the nature of the relationship between Katniss and her attacker before the rape?”

There is no break in between questions.

“What are you doing here?” Is all Prim can say before my mom runs over to the door.

She yells at them to leave. Then slams the door on the nine or so reporters with microphones, and cameramen from every local news channel. No wonder Prim didn’t want me to turn on the TV.

Prim is crying. Mom does her best to comfort her and sends her upstairs to rest. Then mom pulls out a business card from her purse and says that she’s going to call a lawyer. I’m so exhausted that I fall asleep.

“No! I have no statement. I don’t care if it is breaking news! I have a lawyer who informs me that if you aren’t at least a hundred yards away from my house, I can sue all of you for harassment. So scoot!” I wake to mom shouting out the door maybe an hour later.

We have a lawyer?

She turns to look my way, but I don’t want her to know that I’m awake. So I keep my eyes closed. I hear her light footfalls make there way over to me, before I feel the gentlest of kisses brush my forehead.

“I’m so sorry, sweetie. We are gonna get through this, together. I promise. I love you so much.” She whispers, and I feel her tears land on my arm.

As I hear her leave, tears of my own threaten to fall. I try to go back to sleep. That’s when the nightmares start.

The next morning, Gale comes home. For the first time since our fathers died, I see my best friend cry. He is so devastated that he wasn’t here to protect me. I tell him, and Madge tells him, that there wasn’t anything, that anyone, could’ve done.

But that’s not true… I could’ve done something different. Like, not gone to Prom with Cato, or just admitted I liked Peeta.

“Katniss, is there anything I can get you? Are you in pain?” Madge asks.

“Not right now. I just feel dumb. Like… I didn’t follow my own instincts. I’m so embarrassed.” I confess.

“Please don’t feel that way. More girls and women then you may realize are ra… umm, have this happen to them. It’s not your fault.” Madge says.

“Yes, but so many things could have prevented-” I start.

“Catnip, you are one of the strongest people I know. But you can’t control everything. I used to think there was a certain type of girl this happens to… but I was wrong. Guys who do this to women… are pigs. They obviously don’t care if you weak or strong. They don’t care if you’re a good girl. They just victimize people. It’s not your fault. Okay.” Gale says.

But…

“He’s right. You can’t keep chastising yourself. Thinking about what ifs. You just didn’t deserve this to happen to you, but it did.” My mom says coming out of nowhere.

She hasn’t been farther than ten feet from me since it happened.

“Just know, we’re all here for you, and we’ll help you get through this and move on.” She finishes.

My victims advocate’s name is Haymitch Abernathy. He is… Well he seems like, a surly, old drunk, to be honest. He’s won my mom over somehow, but I’m skeptical of his abilities as a lawyer. He is working with the D.A., since Cato is being prosecuted by the state of California.

The District Attorney is Caesar Flickerman. Caesar is not your typical looking or acting D.A. He seems to be interested in the publicity this case will bring. His assistant, Claudius Templesmith, is just as peculiar.

The next week is hectic. On Monday I’m carted off to the police station. They sent me to a sketch artist. The drawing was released to other precincts and to the media. So basically, as of now, the police have no leads to Snow’s whereabouts. Then we go to the lawyer’s office. The nightmares happen as soon as I close my eyes.

Tuesday, we go to the hospital to check on my injuries. It’s awful, because not only do I have to have my outer injuries assessed, but my inner ones as well. My mom leaves me in a room, so she can to talk to a doctor. A nurse comes in and even though the doctor already checked, she makes me lie back and put my feet in those foot stirrups I hate, again. But whatever she does, doesn’t hurt thank goodness. I feel like the humiliation isn’t ever going to end.

I also get sent to speak with a psychiatrist. Dr. Jones. I don’t much care for her because she strongly feels that I should be put on possible, dependency forming medication, with side effects that I’m not willing to deal with.

That night, the Hawthorne’s and Mason’s come over and cook a big dinner. I try to enjoy it but twice, when one of the boys goes to reach for salt or a napkin, I freak out and jump completely out of my skin. I head to bed early claiming I’m tired because I’m ashamed that my friends scare me.

Wednesday it’s off to the lawyer’s office again. The only good thing about this day is Haymitch suggests a psychologist that I actually do like. He offers me some methods that help even after just one session.

Then Thursday, back to the dreaded hospital.

Haymitch has been driving us to all these appointments, in his Bentley, because it has tinted windows. We are trying to keep the reporters off our scent.

The gist of the entire running around is, Cato is in jail, awaiting trial without bail. They questioned everyone from Prom that night. No one remembered seeing Snow, but many students remember the same thing I did. About a white haired kid being teased when we were younger.

I try to listen to what all these people tell me, but I tend to zone out a little.

The only thing I pay attention to at the hospital, is the results of my Sexually Transmitted Disease tests. I’m clean of everything.

Thank you, God!

That was the third time my mom cried that day, but finally, they are mostly happy tears.

Friday, our last stop is to the school to get my stuff and to pick up the work I’ll be doing at home for the rest of the year. I won’t be finishing my last month in school. But I can graduate with everyone, if I choose to walk across the stage.

I’m in the parking lot of the school. I can see a legion of reporters crowded around out front. They inexplicably found out our next stop.

We’ve evaded them for most of this week. It looks like the principle anticipated the ruckus and called all of the school’s security guards, and the police, to keep them at bay.

The barricades are set up out front so the side entry is the route we go in. Once inside the gates, I’m almost brought to tears. There, standing in front of, what looks to be the entire school, is Prim’s smiling face.

Next to her are Rue, Peeta, Finn, Annie, Delly, Thom, BeeTee, and Wiress. All holding a huge paper sign that says; “Katniss, We love and miss you!”

The principle, and my favorite teacher, Mrs. Atala, walk over to me to hand me my work and hug me tight. I didn’t know this many people even knew who I was.

They say a few nice things about how brave I am and what an inspiration to other rape victims I’ve become.

I don’t feel very inspirational.

They dismiss the students for the rest of the day. Mom speaks with my teachers about the work I’ll need to complete in order to graduate. So, I take the opportunity to slip away to my locker.

“Hey.” Peeta approaches me timidly.

“Hi.” I say, feeling grateful to see his face.

I feel like I can never repay Peeta for what he tried to do for me.

I owe him.

“How are you feeling? I mean, are you… you’re probably tired of answering that question huh?” He asks intuitively.

“Yeah, but I’m getting better. And you can ask me anything, Peeta. I just don’t like answering when people don’t really care.” I clarify.

He nods in understanding. Behind him my friends are all approaching.

“Katniss, can I hug you?” Wiress comes up and asks sweetly; with unshed tears in her eyes.

I shake my head yes and it turns into a dog pile hug of my three best girlfriends. Finnick, Thom, and BeeTee are standing nearby with sad smiles. No doubt, Thom told them how jumpy I’ve been in male company as of late, so they are respectfully keeping some distance.

“We were so worried about you.” Annie says crying.

“Sorry. I’m glad you guys are… here.” I say, trying not to wince as they squeeze my sore arms and torso.

I should never have left my friends that night.

“You are stuck with us. You got that?” Delly adds sniffling.

They let go and wipe their eyes. They tell me about their week, mostly about classes and home. They avoid the media coverage and they don’t ask me about anything too personal.

Thankfully no one mentions how my eye is still a little bruised. Prim tried to convince me to put makeup on. But I don’t see the point.

“How you holding up Catnip?” I’m surprised to see Gale at the school.

“Okay. Have you met the crew?” I ask.

He already knew most of my friends from when he went to school here. And he knows Thom from the neighborhood. But he shakes hands with all the rest. When he gets to Peeta he pulls him into a bear hug. Peeta looks shocked.

“First, you win over Posy. Then… well, you’re alright in my book, Mellark.” Gale says letting him go.

“Thanks, I feel like I should’ve done more.” Peeta says sadly.

“They’ll get what’s coming to them, don’t you worry. I’ll catch you all later.” Gale says, squeezing my shoulder once and leaving to go see one of his siblings.

“Let us know if you need study buddies and we could have some sleep-overs.” Delly volunteers.

There’s only about a month left of school, so the work should be fairly easy? I can tell they all just want to help me feel normal.

“That sounds great. How about Sunday?” I say trying my hardest to smile.

They all hug me one by one. Even the boys once I tell them it’s okay. Leaving Peeta as the last embrace, and I almost cry again. I feel so much safer in his arms. I just keep kicking myself for leaving them that night, for leaving him that night.

“If you need anything… ever… and I mean, ever. You find me. Okay?” He says in my ear.

I nod and wipe the few stray tears off his face and mine. We stand there a minute, staring into each other’s eyes… I think he wants to say something else, but he doesn’t.

Click!

“Oh, that one is my screensaver. I mean, if that’s okay?” Prim asks.

She took a picture on her phone. I have a flash back of that night having our picture taken while dancing. But then a blurred shadowy figured is in the background watching. I clutch Peeta’s shoulders tighter shying away from where the phantom figure would be.

“Prim?” I scold.

"No, it’s fine. I should be used to it by now. At least I know where that one’s gonna end up. There are news reporters at school everyday. They started as soon as it got released that I… "found” you that night, or because I fought Cato. I’m not sure which. They take pictures of me coming out of the house. Going to work. My mom is actually kinda happy that the bakery is on TV. It draws people in. But, they’re really everywhere.“ Peeta tells us.

"Peeta, you found me? I thought I ran away.” I ask confused.

“You did. You ran into the gym, screamed, and collapsed. I was just the first to… to see you, so I just caught you before you completely hit the ground. Delly called the ambulance. Finnick put his jacket under your head. We put Thom’s jacket over you, and then, when I saw Cato walk into the gym with scratches on his cheek. I sort of blacked out. I remember being on top of Cato hitting him in his face over and over. When they pulled me off of him… you were already gone. I didn’t see you again until the hospital. I was so scared that you didn’t make it.” Peeta confirms.

“Thank you. I’m so sorry they won’t leave you alone. My lawyer… Uh, Haymitch Abernathy should be able to help with that. He can get like a restraining order or something. From your house and the bakery. Unless your mom wants them there.” I say.

My lawyer can handle that? Ugh! I sound so pretentious.

“God sorry. My mom must sound like some sort of huge capitalist. She is really sorry about what happened. Even though she gave me an earful for interfering the way I did. But my Dad and brothers are proud of me. So… and I’m gonna shut up now.” He says.

“No, it’s fine really. I’d much rather them be at the bakery, then following my every move, if you guys don’t mind.” I respond.

“Ok, Sweetheart. Time to go.” Haymitch says walking up to us.

“Oh ok. Haymitch, this is Peeta Mellark. Peeta, Haymitch. He needs some help with the paparazzi stalking him.” I explain.

“Here you go kid. Call my office.” Haymitch says, handing Peeta his card.

“Uh, thanks.” Peeta says.

“Bye, Peeta.” Prim says hugging Peeta before walking away.

“Peeta, sweet boy. See you later.” My mom tells him while putting one hand on his cheek, earning a small smile from him.

“Bye Katniss.”

“Bye Peeta.” I say, before turning to leave.

A few days later I’m in Haymitch’s office. We’re going over my testimony for the trial when Peeta walks in.

“Good. You’re here.” Haymitch barks.

“Hey Katniss. How are you?” Peeta greets me.

“Okay and you?” I reply.

“Not bad.” He shoots me a, not quite as bright as usual, Peeta Mellark smile.

We go over every possible scenario. We learn pretty quickly that Peeta doesn’t need much coaching. He’s natural and charming. When he speaks, he looks honest and confident. Haymitch says I have a permanent scowl.

I’m a little jealous.

“Okay. I’ll be the defense. Answer the questions.” Haymitch says.

“Okay.”

“So, Why did you go with him away from everyone, down the hall?” He asks.

“I was thinking he just needed consoling after losing Prom King.” I state.

“And it never occurred to you, the kind of consoling he wanted to do with you?” Haymitch asks aggressively.

Bastard!

“Of course it did! I knew what he and his buddy were up to! I couldn’t wait to be gagged, beaten, and nearly killed!” I yell breathing too hard.

“Not gonna win anybody over with that mouth, Sweetheart.” Haymitch challenges.

“Just be yourself Katniss. The people on the jury are on your side… because you’re telling the truth. They want justice to be served. So don’t be nervous. Just pull from the same courage you used to get out of that room.” Peeta tells, me rubbing my shoulders arms softly.

I nod and take a deep breath. Even though I feel like I suck at this, after another hour of practicing, I finally improve by leaps and bounds.

“Damn, kid. You’re good. You want a job here?” Haymitch cackles at Peeta.

As we’re leaving, I thank Peeta again for his help. We sit down on a bench outside of Haymitch’s office, and he produces a bag of pastries from the bakery.

Mmm cheese buns.

“Oh, thank you Peeta. Prim is gonna be so happy.” I say and so am I.

“It’s no big deal. Can I ask you something?” Peeta inquires.

“Sure.”

“Are you sleeping okay?” He asks, and then looks down at the ground.

“Did Annie tell you about my nightmares? It’s… they’re nothing… really.” I deny.

“Oh. No. Annie didn’t say anything. I… I’ve been having bad dreams.” He admits.

I’m shocked. I thought it was just me, and I don’t admit it to anyone. Here Peeta is, trusting me with this information.

“I… I dream about not being able to breathe and not being able to use my hands. I also dream that Prim is in danger. She kinda is, really with Snow still out there. I’ve been made to go see a therapist. Dr. Aurelius. He says it’s normal to have some post-traumatic stress after… traumatic things happen to us. Maybe that’s what you are experiencing.” I offer.

“Well, in most of my dreams I’m running. I’m frantically trying to find you. I’m pushing through every door. I check every person I run into, but they are all the same person. They’re all Snow. They all have on the same grey suit, but I can’t see their face. And then I tackle someone. I’m punching the unknown person in the face and there’s… so much blood. And then I see that it’s Cato I’ve been punching, but he’s smiling… and there’s nothing wrong with his face. And I just feel like… I’ve failed. I fail you every time.” Peeta says and he’s sweating a little by the time he’s done reliving his nightmare.

Poor Peeta.

I wasn’t the only one severely altered by the events of that night.

“Peeta. I’m so sorry. I’m safe now. I’m all right now. And I need you to be ok, too. If you ever wake up and need to, call me. Just do it. Okay? I don’t care if it’s the middle of the night.” I plead pulling him into a hug.

“Okay.” He whispers in my hair.

Peeta decides he’ll also start seeing Dr. A.

He calls me that night around 2:00 am, and we talk about everything. From hobbies, family, our dislikes and favorite things. Over the next few weeks it becomes routine. We call each other every night.

Many times we fall asleep on the phone. Once I even wake up in the morning, and realize that we never hung up. When I put the phone to my ear… I say hello, and he answers. We laugh for what seems like the longest time, for the first time, since Prom.

Slowly, it feels like we’re starting to heal.

“Katniss, I’m sorry I was so dismissive when you and Wiress tried to ask me about Glimmer.” He tells me one night, over the phone, after waking from a nightmare.

I’ve got him on speaker so I have both hands free. I stop mid swipe of the toenail polish I’m applying to my pinky toe.

“Peeta, you don’t have to apologize for anything. I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

“No way. You’ll never have to apologize to me.” He says yawning.

“Never? Even if I… ate all the cheese buns in your store and didn’t pay?” I joke.

“No apology needed.”

“Even if I, told everyone how much you still love the Teletubbies?”

Tinkie-Winkie, Dipsy, La La, Po.

“Kat, I told you that in confidence. That would suck. But… no you still wouldn’t need to apologize.” He grumbles.

“What if I drank all of your unsweetened tea at lunch and the restaurant was all out?”

“So there’s only sweet tea left in the restaurant?” He asks.

“In all the restaurants, everywhere.” I state dramatically.

“Umm, no you still don’t have to apologize. I’ll drink water. And don’t say there’s no more water.”

We laugh.

“Okay, okay. If I crash your car?” I ask.

“Nope, don’t have one. No apologizes necessary.”

“Peeta, when you get a car, you’ll be singing a different tune.”

“Nope.”

“How about… set your favorite apron on fire.”

“I wouldn’t even be mad. I’d be impressed you found the kitchen.” He teases. “Still no apology needed.”

“Hardy har-har. But what if I stopped eating gluten, Master Baker? Huh?”

“I’d make you gluten-free bread. Duh.”

“Ugh, I would need to say sorry at some point, for something. So out with it, Mellark. Tell me so I’m aware of my limits.”

“I can’t think of one thing. Oh, except if you never sang again I’d be pretty sad, so you’d need to apologize to the world.”

“How did you- When have you hear me sing?”

“In first grade. Actually, might’ve been kindergarten.”

I’m giggling. Clearly he’s delirious.

“What? What was I singing?” I ask skeptical of his memory.

“I don’t know? Some song about a valley or tree. Whatever it was, you sounded amazing. And all the birds outside even stopped to listen. I new then.”

I’m so shocked by what he’s telling me, I’ve given up on my second set of toenails and can barely screw the lid closed. The song he’s recalling, my dad used to sing to us. I don’t know how he remembers that.

“What did you know then?” I ask taking him off speaker and holding the phone to my ear.

Light snores float through the phone.

“Goodnight, Peeta.”

Five weeks have gone by since the night of the Prom. The trial is beginning. It feels like a circus, until Judge Paylor sends every reporter and journalist out of the courtroom.

My family and friends are here. According to my team, it’s a clear, cut and dry case. Haymitch convinces D.A. Flickerman to hit Cato with rape of a minor and attempted murder. There are opening statements from both sides. Then they present the evidence.

“Her blood alcohol content was only 0.020. You can legally operate a vehicle at 0.050. When arrested, that scumbag had a BAC of 0.080 and he was on high ecstasy!” Flickerman yells as a counter to Cato’s attorneys claim that I was drunk and wanted to be with him.

There are testimonies from Prom chaperones, and medical examiners from the hospital I was brought to.

“I was appalled to see the damage done to Miss Everdeen. She couldn’t open her right eye. Her jaw was fractured. She had a bruised windpipe, and larynx. Her Sat O levels we’re alarmingly low. Which means she wasn’t getting enough air. She had two cracked ribs and many others that were bruised. She had so many hand shaped bruises all over her neck, arms, thighs and especially her wrists. I’m surprised she was able to get away. She was close to death when she arrived.” Dr. Octavia relayed to the court.

The photos are hard on the girls. Annie takes Prim and Rue out of the courtroom crying. Wiress and Delly just hold onto each other. There’s a stenographer typing quietly away while everyone speaks. I see her tear up twice. Even most of the jury had tears in their eyes. I hold my mom’s hand. And Peeta hold’s my other under the table.

Peeta is called to the stand when we get to the subject of Snow.

“So you saw a suspicious looking guy in the hall while you were looking for your friend… and nothing told you to get close enough to see his face?” The opposing lawyer asks Peeta.

“My friends and I noticed Katniss was no longer in the gym. We split up to look for her. I knew she wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye to us. Some of our group went to the parking lot to see if they were outside. Cato’s car was still there. I asked a few kids at the dance if they’d seen what direction she went in. Something told me to check the hallway even though it was dimly lit down there. I saw a guy in the hallway and he was leaned up against a locker. The way he stood, left his face just out of the light. I asked him if he’d seen Katniss, or anyone, but he said that nobody had been down the hallway. I was just so frantic to find her that I didn’t want to waste time talking to anyone who didn’t have information about Katniss. I knew Cato had her. I just had to get to her.” Peeta tells everyone.

“You say you knew Cato had her? Is it possible you were maybe jealous, of the fact that Cato was there with Katniss, instead of you? That maybe she wanted to sleep with him?” The lawyer accuses.

“Objection, your honor! Leading the witness.” Haymitch yells.

“Sustained. Counselor stop leading the witness.” Judge Paylor says.

“Okay. Ok, so you say that you knew Cato had her. Please tell us how.”

“I suppose I couldn’t have known for sure. But I knew something was wrong. Cato just struck me as not a good guy. We play football together and he’s selfish, and has a temper.” Peeta explained.

“No further questions Your Honor.”

At one point they tried to charge Peeta with assault against Cato but the Judge threw it out for wasting her time. Calling it “A fight between teenage boys, with more pressing matters at hand”.

And finally, they put me on the stand. Dr. A has made me push through telling the horrible memories and face my fears. So I’m prepared for this day.

“Can you tell us what made you run when you did?” Caesar Flickerman asks.

“I overheard… Snow say that… that they would have to get rid of my… body because Cato thought he’d killed me. I wanted to be dead but… but I had my sister to think about. I had to protect her from people like them. I didn’t want anything to happen to her or any other girl those two might do this to. If I died no one would know what monsters they were.” I say angrily.

“Well, thank you Katniss. You sure are brave.” Caesar says to me. “Your witness, Counselor.”

“Miss Everdeen, you say that you wanted to console my client because you didn’t win Prom King and Queen. Did you feel like you owed him something?”

“Well, no. I just felt bad because he seemed to want it so badly. If I had known Ca- he was on drugs I would never have walked anywhere with him. Up until then I had my misgivings about him, but he’d been a gentleman and showed me kindness. I never thought… that he would take advantage of me being kind back.” I answer choking up.

I look to Peeta because he helped me with the wording of my answers so I wouldn’t breakdown in front of all these people.

“Mmm, hmm. And so your kindness was to drug him and then claim rape, after you slept with him?” He accuses.

I wasn’t prepared for that.

The whole courtroom is up in arms screaming at the lawyer.

“She is the victim, you ass-hat!” Gale yells.

“Douché bag! Of course has a douché bag lawyer!” I hear Finnick bellow.

“Bullshit!” Thom says.

“Yeah. Leave her alone!” Prim’s voice is muddled in with the Boo’s that are being yelled throughout the courtroom.

“This is outrageous!” Caesar yells.

“Order! I will have order in this courtroom! Order!” Judge parlor smacks the gavel repeatedly and I feel a migraine coming on.

“Your honor, my client maintains that he was drugged unwillingly and unbeknownst to him.”

“I object. She did not drug the defendant. Where would she have gotten drugs?” Caesar points out.

The two lawyers are facing off, getting closer to the bench.

“I don’t know, maybe her real boyfriend. Mr. Mellark is a very popular guy. They could’ve concocted this whole elaborate ruse to-“

“Oh, shut the hell up, Crane! You know my client is innocent of any wrongdoing. That’s all hearsay, your honor. Miss. Everdeen and Mr. Mellark’s friendship is not on trial here.” Haymitch throws out.

“Abernathy, language!” Judge Paylor warns.

I look at Cato who’s smirking, and he puckers his lips at me, like he’s blowing me a kiss.

I start to cry, and I’m having a hard time breathing. Just as I’m about to get up, Peeta stands up and I freeze. My mom is pulling at his sleeve. But he ignores her and grabs the tissue box near the end of the table.

Everyone making noise and yelling and the Judge telling the bailiffs to get the crowd under control, all stop. It all stops and Peeta quietly and slowly hands the tissue box to me.

“It’s okay Kat. Just breathe.” He tells me taking one of my hands.

I nod and we take two deep breaths. We share a small smile and just as calmly, he goes as sits back down.

No one makes a sound.

“Thank you Mr. Mellark. Miss Everdeen can you continue?” The Judge asks me.

I nod my confirmation.

“Crane, overruled. Anymore outburst from anyone will be held accountable.” Paylor states.

“Miss Everdeen, did you enjoy yourself with my client at all the evening in question?” Crane asks me.

“I did, until they announced the Prom court.” I answer honestly.

“What changed?”

“I- I left like he was disappointed and angry, but also sad. I didn’t want to finish the date with him, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings after he’d just been let down. But after we started walking down the hall and I realized he was off, I now know he was probably high, I started feeling less sad for him and more worried about his health.” I explain.

“Why didn’t you call for help?”

“I was about to when Snow came and not only startled me, but accused me of being a bad date and essentially, leading my date on.” I spit.

“And were you? Leading him on?”

“I… no. I didn’t-“

“When you said and I quote, “Something changed.” and, you didn’t want to finish the date. Isn’t it Peeta Mellark what changed your mind about my client?” Crane asks.

“Objection, putting words in her mouth.” Caesar claims.

“You don’t have to answer that. How about after you danced with Mr. Mellark, huh? Isn’t that when you decided you were no longer interested in Mr. Johnson?” Crane asks.

“Peeta is my friend. He was concerned and he looks out for me, like all my friends do. I should’ve trusted my own instincts and said no to the date in the first place, and then again not to drink alcohol with Cato, and finally not to leave Peeta’s side to appease Cato’s wounded ego. You can act like that’s inappropriate or leading behavior if you’d like. But no matter who it is in your life, when you find someone who makes you feel safe, you’d rather be near them, than with people who don’t.” I look at Cato who isn’t smirking anymore. “I should’ve told you I didn’t feel the same way about you as you did me. And yes it took me well into the date to realize that. But I never told you, you could have a piece of me just because you were nice for a couple of hours. No means no. And not saying anything doesn’t mean yes.”

The tears are openly falling now and although I feel embarrassed and vulnerable, I don’t feel like he can victimize me anymore. He doesn’t hold any power over me. I will never let him hurt me or someone else again.

The defense didn’t want to put Cato on the stand, probably because he was guilty, Haymitch had quipped. But Caesar put him on and asked about Snow.

“I don’t know what she’s talking about, I never had anyone grab her. I don’t know this Snow and she wanted to hook up. I mean, I don’t remember much. Because I, uh, think someone spiked my drink. But, she was kissing me all night and I thought we were good together.” Cato stares in my direction lying his ass off.

The real clincher was when three girls from our school and two from another school in our district, came forward on either the news or as actual character witnesses Caesar put on the stand. All of the girls stated they’d either been inappropriately propositioned or touched by Cato in some way by him.

One girl in particular stated that Cato took her to the very teachers lounge I was assaulted in. He began telling her that he was an office aid and could do whatever he wanted at school. Then he started kissing her and when things were going too far for her, he wouldn’t let her up. If it wasn’t for it being during school hours and another aid trying to come in trough the locked door, she felt certain he would’ve gotten what he wanted whether she wanted to or not.

The defense had a field day with how convenient the timing was for these girls to show up now that it could land them on TV. But the girl’s testimony about the teachers lounge matched up with rumors about Cato getting caught in the teacher’s lounge that many other people could and would testify to.

Cato Johnson is found guilty on all counts. He is tried as an adult because his 18th birthday was only three days away.

The day we are scheduled to hear the sentencing, I wake up emotionally drained, exhausted from lack of sleep, and nauseous. I call Peeta.

“It’s ok just keep breathing. It’s almost over, then you never have to see him again.” Peeta reassures me.

“I know but Snow’s still out there somewhere.” I say feeling more and more queasy.

“Katniss, I will never let him hurt you again. You understand that?” Peeta promises.

“Yes but- Ugh…” I start but drop the phone… to vomit. After emptying my stomach, rinsing my mouth and picking up the phone, I hear Peeta yelling.

“Katniss! Are you ok? Should I call the police? Where’s your mom? Katni-”

“It’s okay. I had to throw up. I guess I’m nervous. I’ll see you at the courthouse.” I say.

“You sure? I could come over and-”

“No it’s alright. And thanks Peeta.” I say still feeling sick.

When Judge Paylor announces the Twenty-year sentence, in a state penitentiary, Cato cries. His father isn’t there. I heard he isn’t really in his life. His mother cries but holds her new husband, for support. Cato’s own Stepfather was a character witness against him. Stating Cato is an angry person. Who does drinks too much, smoke weed and has a problem with authority.

Most people, like Cesar Flickerman and Claudius Templesmith, look pleased with the sentence. My mom and Prim hug me as Peeta shakes Haymitch’s hand. When they take Cato away in hand cuffs, he looks into my eyes and all I see is hate.

Ugh! I must have the flu.

I haven’t told anyone about the throwing up or that it’s happened every morning since the sentencing. Not even Peeta. I see my graduation cap sitting on my bed and hope that I can make it through the ceremony without the rest of my breakfast making a reappearance.

“Katniss, can I borrow a pad?” Prim yells from the bathroom.

“Yeah, help yourself. They’re under the sink.” I call out.

“Thaaanks sis. You’re a lifesaver. Wait, is this the same box we bought you from…”

It takes me about thirty seconds to realize my sister is confused because, I shouldn’t have that many left.

Oh My God!

No! NO!

“Kat-” My sister stops in her tracks when she sees that I am slumped to the floor and hysterical.

“What’s wrong? Mooooom!” Prim yells and sits next to me on the floor putting her arms around me.

“Prim, what is it?” Mom says bursting into my room.

“I don’t know she… she just started crying and, I don’t know.” Prim cries.

I realize the gasps and wailing are coming from me and I pound the ground with my fist.

“No honey! Hold on to us! Breathe, Katniss!” Mom says grabbing my hands and hugs me tight to keep me from flailing round. “Prim what happened right before this? Did she see something or someone?”

“I don’t know. I was in the bathroom. I just asked her for a pad. I thought it was weird that she still has the same box we bought her from that day at the hospital. No one was here but me, mom.” Prim explains.

My sobs are a little quieter now.

Does she know?

“I see. Oh, Prim can you get your sister some Tylenol and a glass of water?” Mom asks efficiently sending her away.

“M…m… Mom! Mom? Why?” I bawl.

“Oh sweetie, I was afraid of this. I just thought maybe… maybe the odds were in our favor. I’m so sorry. It’s going to be okay. We can do, whatever you want to do. I know you planned on going to school and you have dreams and goals and. And… you don’t have to keep it. Or… or maybe we can find a good home…” She says trying to comfort me but actually causing renewed vigor to my tears.

I can’t be a mother right now!

How can I possibly carry that monster’s child?

Could I live with the decision to kill it?

Could I give a baby that’s half me, away?

Would I only see its father every time I look at it?

“You don’t have to decide today. You are graduating today. Try to focus on that and we’ll deal with this tomorrow, okay baby?” She says tears now falling down her cheeks.

At graduation, I’m a wreck. But I try to do what my mom asks and put it away until tomorrow. I walk across the stage and as I grab the hand of Mrs. Atala, I look into the sea of smiling faces for my family. I see someone in the crowd, a familiar face. Snow’s face… And then it’s black.

When I come too, Peeta, my mom, and two of the faculty are fanning programs in front of me. They’ve pulled me behind the stage. So they can continue the program.

“Katniss?” I hear my name.

He’s out there!

“Katniss, can you hear me?” Peeta calls gently.

Peeta, he came back! What does he want?

“Please wake up sweetie.” Mom sounds close tears again.

Someone stop him!

“S… Sn… Snow.” I say softly, feeling dizzy.

“Snow? It’s June honey.” A teacher says.

“Peeta, Snow is here.” I say again groggy but determined not to let him get away.

“Where, Katniss? In the crowd?” Peeta asks angrily.

I knew he would believe me.

I nod yes and try to sit up. Peeta takes off running. My mom finally connecting the dots gets her phone, to call the police.

Peeta searches the crowd but never sees anyone with white hair. I explain what happened to the police. They have to continue the rest of the ceremony. There are too many people to stop and question.

Bastard! He got away again!

“He knew he could slip in and out of this crowd. He just wants to scare you Katniss. Don’t worry. Okay?” Peeta tries to reassure me.

Then against everyone’s advice, I opt to not go to the hospital and stay after, to take pictures and say goodbye to some friends.

Marvel got a scholarship to a school in Arizona. Blight is joining the military. Navy, I think. Thresh is going to college in here California but closer to Los Angeles.

Finnick is going to take a year off to travel Europe. Fully funded by his wealthy parents. Somehow, Annie’s guardian, her grandmother, whom we call Mags, is letting her go with Finn, or maybe because Mags totally loves him.

BeeTee and Wiress both being brainiacs, got accepted to Harvard. But they both turned them down to go to MIT. Which I think is funny and sad, seeing as how both schools are in Boston, but that means that they are both going so far away.

Thom got a full ride to Howard University. He’s the first one in his family to go to college. He’s planning on joining the Omega Psi Phi or “Q Dogs” as he calls them. It has been his dream since he was little to go there.

Howard is in D.C. six hours from where Delly is supposed to go. Her SAT’s scores were one of the highest in the county. We are all very proud. It’s Delly’s parents that want her to go to Yale. She also got accepted to Brown, Duke, and Howard.

She tried to convince her parents to let her go to Howard, but they said absolutely not. They said that she wasn’t going to follow her high school crush, to a “black college” to throw her life away.

Delly’s dad yelled at her to grow up and do as she’s told. She told them Thom is not her crush. He’s her soul mate and they were going to find a way to be together, there’s nothing they could do to stop her.

Peeta told me he applied to several schools. Got accepted to his third and fourth choice, both out of state. But he said that he really wants to take over his family’s bakery someday. So he thinks he might just go to school for business at a local school and stay close to home.

I have to admit, I was selfishly glad to hear this at first. I guess, I really thought that one day, when we were better, maybe he would ask me on that date. He said he would but now that I’m in the situation I find myself. Part of me hopes he’ll go away to school and find a nice girl. I feel like no matter what I choose to do about this baby. It’s like I’m damaged goods and as much as I was trying to forget that. I can’t. And Peeta deserves better.

Then again maybe I should leave. I’m always going to be known here, as the girl who was raped at her Prom. I feel so exposed here.

Vulnerable.

Stupid.

Weak.

Things I never thought I was.

Haymitch get’s a call from his friend at the police, saying that they’re doing what they can to look for Snow. He doesn’t want me alone for the rest of the night, just to be safe.

After saying goodbye to all my other friends, Peeta invites us to eat dinner with his family. I’m not sure if we should, but after the long day, I am really hungry.

We go to a restaurant in Peeta’s part of town. I worry it is too expensive but, Haymitch tells us it’s taken care of on the drive there.

“Call it a graduation gift, Sweetheart.” The old man mumbles.

We meet Peeta’s dad and mom and two brothers. Apparently, my mom and Peeta’s dad knew each other in high school. Peeta’s mom doesn’t say much but she seems pleasant enough.

His brothers are very nice and joke with Prim and Peeta about having the same true blue eyes. Peeta’s oldest brother Graham has light brown eyes like his mother. And the middle Mellark, Ryan, has a lighter blue-grey ones like Peeta’s dad.

I’m pretty quiet. I’m still a little freaked out by this morning’s revelation and then seeing Snow’s face. I don’t eat all my food. I excuse myself to the bathroom.

In the bathroom, after washing my hands, I bump into Peeta’s mom.

“Oh, hey Mrs. Mellark. Sorry, I didn’t see you.” I say apologetically.

“It’s fine. You and my son have become very close friends.” She says.

I’m not sure if it’s meant to be a question or a statement. So I just smile and shrug.

“Yes… he… he’s been there for me through all of this and I hope that he knows how much I appreciate him… for all he’s done.” I try to relate.

“Yes. He is a sweet boy and generous to a fault. I just hope… if you’re his friend… you wouldn’t try to hold him back, now would you?” She asks.

“No, I would never… what do you mean?” I ask.

I’m so confused. Did he say something?

“Peeta needs to fulfill his destiny. He should be going to school. But I fear that he is so worried about you. You see, I don’t think he wants to leave you, maybe out of some sense of obligation. And I’m sure you had things you wanted to do, before this unfortunate event. So I just think, if you truly care about him. Like I think you do, you’d tell him to live his life to it’s full potential. As if he would’ve before… this. So you can both go on and find happiness. You understand, right dear?” Mrs. Mellark tells me.

She has the tone you use to tell your kids their goldfish died.

He doesn’t want to leave me?

But I’d be holding him back.

Does he feel obligated to me?

My head is spinning. I guess I’ve been rationalizing the same things she’s telling me. But I find myself already missing Peeta from my life.

I wish I could go back…

Back in time and tell Cato no to Prom…

And that Peeta would’ve asked me instead.

And that we… we…

Oh, who am I kidding?

I’d still be from the wrong side of the tracks.

I’ll always be holding Peeta back.

“I understand. I just want Peeta to be happy.” I answer.

“I always knew you were a good girl. Thank you for being such a good friend to my boy, looking out for his best interest. You have to find your destiny too.” She says and hugs me but I feel like I might cry.

My destiny?

I don’t think I have one anymore.

I let go and walk back to the table and whisper to my mom I’d like to go soon.

“Hey everything ok?” Peeta asks me quietly outside the restaurant.

“Uh… Yeah I. I’m fine just tired and.” I trail off not knowing what else to say.

“Ok. Well can I text you later? I was hoping we could talk alone but, with everyone here.” He says quieter and smiles.

I’ve come to crave that smile.

It brightens my day like few things can.

“Okay just wait till nine. I should be home by then.” I whisper not looking him in the eyes.

I want to tell him goodbye then. It’s better if I let him go with a clean break. But I can’t deny him anything. I owe him too much. And I know it’ll start a conversation we shouldn’t have in front of everyone.

Peeta hugs me before I leave and I hold on for a little too long.

“You sure you’re alright?” He asks softly in my ear.

I’m gonna miss you.

Your safe hugs.

Your kind eyes.

Your friendship.

“Yeah. I’m good just tired like I said.” I lie.

When Haymitch drops us off he says a black and white is patrolling the area. And if we hear anything suspicious don’t hesitate to call the police or him.

We thank him again and say goodnight. I go to my room and right on time, I get a text from Peeta.

Peeta- Hey so thanks for coming to dinner. I know it was a stressful day.

Katniss- More than you realize. But it’s no problem. I liked your family.

Peeta- Thank you for saying that. So I’ve been thinking a lot about what to do now that I’m out of high school. How about you?

Without even thinking, I text…

Katniss- I’m going away to school soon.

Peeta- Really?

Katniss- Yeah, I got accepted to a music school. I write music. Well I used to. And I need to get away from this town and everyone in it. I have such bad memories here, from my Dad to Prom. I don’t feel like myself anymore since, what happened. I need to get back to what I loved. That’s music and my family. And I don’t want to have to look over my shoulder for Snow. He already occupies a lot of my nightmares. You should get away too. If that’s what you want.

Peeta- Oh. I didn’t know you felt that way. But I guess understand. That’s great that you got accepted to a music school! I’m happy for you. Where is the school?

I don’t answer.

Peeta- Katniss?

Katniss- Peeta, I care about you. Thank you for all you’ve done. Most people wouldn’t have. You are a special person. You should go to school. Make new friends and don’t let what happen to me, hold you back. I just want us both to heal and move on. I have so much on my plate right now and I need to get away and distance myself from what happen to me. Fresh start. You can stop worrying about me.

Peeta- Katniss, where is this coming from? You’ve helped me just as much as I’ve helped you. I know you have a lot on your plate and you deserve a fresh start. But don’t you want to be friends anymore? You don’t want me to know where you’ll be?

Katniss- It’s hard for me to look at you and not remember what we’ve been through. I just need time. To figure out what I need. I think you should just let me go.

Peeta- So that’s it? This is goodbye?

Katniss- I guess so. I will always remember your friendship.

Peeta- It will always be yours. Always.

It will always be mine.

Be mine.

After a shower and a cup of tea my mom made me, I finally decide to talk about the baby. Prim goes to bed and my mom sits down and hugs me.

“Mom. I didn’t even think I wanted kids. I can’t have Cato’s baby.” I start.

“I know you feel that way because of how much you’ve had to raise your sister, but if you go through with… not having it. You need to be prepared, emotionally for that. I’ve looked up some things and left pamphlets on your bed. Plus there is always adoption.” She states.

“I wasn’t finished. I can’t have Cato’s baby. But… I don’t know if I can just get rid of a baby, who didn’t ask to be here. It didn’t do anything wrong and I am the one to blame. I made the stupid mistakes that led up to its existence. I just don’t want to ever think of it as Cato’s baby, because it isn’t his. It’s mine.” I say.

Peeta is right.

It will always be… mine.

“Oh Katniss, you didn’t do anything wrong either. It is your baby. And that’s okay with me. I’m very proud that you made this decision with such maturity. I will try and support you however I can.” Mom says.

We hug and she says she will make an appointment for me to see an Ob/Gyn. Tears silently fall but I’m much more composed than earlier.

I’m having a baby.

A month and a half later, Rue doesn’t come home from the store. Her mom sent her at four in the afternoon, and at six she calls our house, thinking maybe she just got caught up with Prim.

“No, Miss Rooba. I haven’t seen her since this morning. Yes. Did you text her?” Prim says.

“Prim what is it?” I whisper, she shakes her head and keeps talking.

“Ok. Yes mam’. I’ll let you know. Bye. That was Rue’s mom she can’t find her. I’m gonna text Vic he probably knows where she is.” Prim says but she sounds a little worried.

“You think she’s with Vic?” I ask.

“She’s not answering texts or calls.” Prim says.

There’s a familiar car screech outside. Then banging in the front door.

Bam! Bam! Bam!

“Catnip!” Gale shouts.

We let him in and following behind him is Vic, Rory, his little sister Posy. Then from down the street come Thom and Jo holding little C.J.

“What’s going on?” I say freaking out.

“I came to make sure Rue wasn’t here and ask if you’d seen Vic. But I saw him in the car as Gale drove down the street.” Thom tells us.

Jo nods in agreement.

“Okay, what are you doing here?” I ask Gale.

“It’s me… I wanted to come.” Vic speaks up.

“You know where Rue is?” Thom asks Vic angrily.

Vic has tears in his eyes and I feel sick.

“No… Not exactly. We… I’ve been texting her like all morning. She texted me she was going to the store. But then, she said that she thought someone was following her, so she said I should go to her house if I didn’t hear back from her in 15 minutes. But I fell asleep!” Vic starts crying.

“What time was it? Let me see your phone.” Jo says and I grab the sleeping toddler from her.

“It was 4:10 and he fell asleep and then woke up to an unfinished text. At 5:55 he showed it to me. Rory just got Prim’s text about Rue not being home yet so we rushed over here.” Gale says.

Rue where are you?

“What does the unfinished text say?” I ask.

Gale looks at me.

“Vic, I’m scared. I luv u and fam. Tell Kat he died? It stops there.” Jo says and then it’s eerily quiet.

Who died?

“Call the police now!” Thom yells.

“Kat?”

“No. I don’t know who he is or who died.” I respond to Gale.

“But why did she spell it d, y, e anyway. She’s so good at spelling.” Vic says still crying.

Dyed?

“Hello? I think my sister was kidnapped! No she was walking home from the store. No she wouldn’t run away and all her friends can’t find her. My mom is driving around looking for her right now. But-” Thom takes the phone outside.

“I’m going to the store to see if anyone saw her.” Gale says.

“I’m going with you!” Prim shouts.

“Me too!” Both younger Hawthorne boys say at the same time.

This can’t be happening.

“Please find her, Gale.” Jo says taking C.J. back and sits down.

“Leave Posy with us. Just go.” I say.

After they leave I call Haymitch.

“Ok, Sweetheart. I got it you don’t want Coin on it cause she rubs you wrong. I’ll get my friend Boggs. Tell Thom to take a recent picture to the station. He and his mom need to fill out missing person forms and we’ll try to get an Amber Alert out. How many hours has it been?” Haymitch says after I explained everything to him.

“About two and a half hours. Haymitch do you think this was…” I ask.

“No need in jumping the gun here. Let’s get more facts. Have you called… Golden boy? He could help you. At least for support.” Haymitch asks.

He means Peeta.

“He needs to get ready to leave for college Haymitch. Not get dragged into more of my problems. We haven’t spoken since graduation night.” I say sadly.

“You could live a thousand lifetimes and never deserve that boy. Don’t you get it, girl? He wants to be by your side.” He fusses at me.

“Haymitch we don’t have time for this right now, okay?” I yell and hang up.

He won’t want to be by my side.

Not when I’m 9 months pregnant with someone else’s baby.

My phone rings.

“Catnip, so I’ve been asking around and Rue came in the store. Bought ketchup. And looked at a magazine for a couple of minutes then left. Who ever followed her was probably in the store. She walked to the corner and then turned like she was taking the short cut home. Even though Vic says her mom doesn’t like her to because of the cars going fast and she’d have to cross with no cross walk.”

“But Gale how could someone take her without anyone noticing? And how do you know she went that way-”

“Katniss, we just found the ketchup. It was in the park.” He says.

I hear Vic and Rory yelling and then wind.

“She crossed the street and then probably started running cause the bag has a rip. It’s farther away from the bottle but her receipt is in it. Dammit! He took her from the Park!” Gale says out of breath.

God please let her be okay.

“Oh God. Okay, I’ll call you back.” I end tears falling down my face.

“What is it?” Jo asks.

“Has Rue ever said anything about being followed ever before?”

“No.” I say.

“Do you know who would want to hurt her?”

He wants to hurt me.

“No.” I say.

“Had she always seemed like a happy kid or would she maybe want to get away from her family for any reason?”

You’re wasting time. It was Snow!

“No. She is happy and wouldn’t run away.” I say.

“Ok your done. Sign here.” Officer Lyme tells me.

After another two hours have passed, we’re all simultaneously, being questioned by officers, outside of Rue’s house.

“I already told you. No one would want to hurt my little sister, Man!” Thom shouts frustratedly.

Even with help from Boggs, they have to wait for approval to put out the Amber Alert. Apparently, because we don’t have a name, or description of who took her, also, because she is 14 instead of 2-10 year old? This is supposedly based on the “best judgment” approach.

So they’ve sent out uniforms to get info from us to question the store workers, the passers by at the time of the incident, and to look for more clues.

Since my neighborhood is crawling with cops, the news vans are back once again. Setting up camp exactly one hundred yards from where I’m sitting.

The reporters have already found out we think Rue was taken. I could say I’m upset, but because we don’t have an Amber Alert, they are actually proving themselves useful for something.

“Katniss! Katniss Everdeen! Effie Trinket, with channel 9 news. Can you tell us how you feel after everything you’ve been through, to now have a dear friend, abducted? Do you think it is the handy work of the elusive "Snow” character you keep claiming helped your own attacker?“ Effie yells at me from behind yellow caution tape.

"Shut up Effie.” Haymitch says pushing past her.

“Manners! Really Abernathy!” Effie shrieks at him.

Wonder how they know each other.

Haymitch shows the police officer his badge and they let him through.

“Hey, Look lady. My mom has my son in the house and he needs me, so could you hurry these questions along.” I hear Jo fussing at her questioning Officer, in the background.

They finished questioning Gale and Rory and Prim so I asked them to take Prim to their house. Thom and I just finished. I said I would stay with Vic till he was done. Haymitch went into my house to make some calls. My mom came home as soon as she heard, and is inside with Thom and Rooba.

“Ok, so you say that she had a feeling someone was following her, but she didn’t seem scared at first? Right?” Officer Jackson is taking Vic’s statement.

“Yeah, it seemed like she just wanted someone to know. Because, I think if she was scared at that point, she would have texted her brother to come get her or asked me to ask my brother to pick her up. But she maybe started getting closer to home and got scared for some reason, so she took the short cut and started running once she hit the park. She was almost home. She probably just thought she could make it.” Vic says.

Damn! She was so close.

“But then her other text. Makes it seem like she knew the person. So do you think it’s at all possible she is pulling a prank on you? Have you been in any fights lately?” Jackson asks.

“Mam’ I know your son is waiting. And I have family at home too. So the quicker we get through these questions. The quicker I can get outta your hair.” Officer Holmes is taking Jo’s statement and clearly both women are frustrated.

I’m siting in between the two questionings on the curb. Trying to think who died.

What are you trying to tell me Rue?

“No, man. We never fight. I haven’t even told her yet, but I love her. She’s been stressed lately cause Jo keeps getting phone calls from Cori, her baby’s daddy. He said he’s coming and wants to see his son. Plus it was freaking them out because he threatened Jo before about taken C.J. But other than that, she’s been the same.” Vic says.

Cori threatened to take C.J?

“Ok, so like I said yesterday C.J’s dad called and he said meet him around the corner. So I asked her to watch C.J. She rolled her eyes but she wasn’t upset, upset. She just worries about us. We talked after and she was fine.” Jo says.

Cori was around the corner yesterday?

“Calm down, Vic. We aren’t giving up ok?” Jackson says.

“He’s 6'2, light blond hair…” Jo says.

“If anything else comes to you just let us know.” Jackson says.

“No wait, he had blond hair but he dyed it for some reason, but he…”

He dyed it?

“Jo!” I yell.

“What?”

“He Dyed It! She was gonna put he dyed his hair!! Oh my god!” I cry.

Coriolanus. That was the boy who got teased in school! They called him SNOW!

“Cori took her! Cori took Rue!”

•••••••••••••••••

I’m barely able to control myself. I’m shaking with anger. I want to run and go find her now.

Jackson and Holmes just stare at me.

“What?” Vic says.

“Why would he? How do you know…?” Jo says.

Then she gets a far off look in her eyes. It’s hitting her that she seen the sketch of my description of snow and she once thought it looked kinda like him but the hair was too long and he only ever went by Cori with her.

Just then, Haymitch comes out saying the store has tapes from this afternoon and maybe we can find who ever took her. I tell him about Snow and Cori being the same person. I tell Vic to run and tell my mom and Rooba.

"I’m going to the police station with Jo. We are the only two who can identify him as the same person.” I tell Gale on the phone.

“Okay we’ll go to Rue’s and wait for you guys but Katniss? Be careful. Maybe you should call-” Gale says.

“Don’t… Say it. I’m letting him go. Just… please. Let me try to let him go.” I cut him off before he can say Peeta’s name.

“Fine. But he might be able to help and if it means finding Rue quicker.” Gale points out.

Damn you Gale!

“Fine. Just take care of them Gale, till we get back. He’s still out there.” I say frustrated.

“Okay. Your mom says all of you be careful.” He says and hangs up.

She means me, Jo and… her unborn grandchild.

We get in Haymitch’s car and I call Peeta’s phone. It goes straight to voicemail. So, I try texting him. But I still haven’t gotten an answer once we’ve pulled into the station.

“Boggs this is Katniss and Jo. They have both seen this guy. One as Snow and one as Cori.” Haymitch introduces us.

“Okay, to start with, do either of you know his last name and last known address?” Boggs asks.

“No, I don’t but he went to school with me so it could be in the yearbook.” I say.

“I… I don’t know it either.” Jo says ashamed.

No wonder C.J doesn’t have his last name.

“I met him in L.A. I didn’t even know he was from here. So the only address I have, is from there.” She continues.

“Alright, let’s get a Elsinore High School Year book in here.” Boggs yells at I don’t know whom.

“Let me show you girls the store tape.” Officer Holmes says taking us to another office.

After watching ten minutes of four blocked, black and white, fuzzy, footage, we see Rue going in the front. She gets ketchup pays for it. Stops at the magazines for a minute and then walks out.

“Wait, wait. Go back a little.” Jo says pointing at the screen.

Jackson rewinds it.

“There! Cori had on that same black hoodie when he came to see me.” Jo says.

We finish watching the tape the guy follows Rue out of the store. His hoodie is up going in and out so we don’t get a clear shot of his face.

“How could you tell?” I ask.

“The hoodie has a white rose spray painted on the back with some R.I.P and somebody’s graffiti type name.” Jo says.

“Ok. Very good that’s a clear clothes I.D of him; being at the last place she was seen. Now it still could be a coincidence that Cori took Rue, for whatever reason. So we need proof Snow and Cori are the same person.” Jackson says and takes out the tape and puts it in an evidence bag.

I still haven’t heard back from Peeta. Impatient, I call the bakery. His brother Graham picks up.

“Mellark’s bakery. You need hot buns? We got em’. Ouch, Ma! How can I help you?” Graham says clearly having been popped for playing.

“Hey Graham it’s Katniss have you seen-” I start but he cuts me off.

“Ooooh Ryan is looking for you two. He’s pissed Peet hasn’t brought his car back yet.” Graham says.

Looking for us two?

“Oh! Uh… Peeta isn’t with me. Did he say he would be? Haven’t you seen the news?” I ask.

“Yeah he said he had to use Ry’s car to see you and show you something important, and no to the news. We don’t have a T.V in here but I get off and 9:00, when we close. Why?” He asks.

Show me something important? About Snow?

“Rue Mason was kidnapped today at around 4:30 walking back from the store and after a bunch of questioning we figured out it was Joanna’s baby daddy and we think he is Snow. But I haven’t seen Peeta and now I’m worried. He won’t answer his phone.” I tell Graham.

“Shit! Are you serious? Ok look, he took Ry’s car. It has On Star. Ask the police to highjack it or whatever they do to find it. I’m gonna tell my parents. Here, take down my cell phone so you can keep us informed.” Graham says.

“Thanks. Ok.”

After I store his number. And tell Jo and Haymitch what he just told me. Boggs decides that although we are worried about Peeta he hasn’t been missing long enough to cause alarm. So unless we find a link between Cori and Snow and Rue being missing to Peeta being, possibly missing, they are four separate things.

“Fuck that!” Jo yells and slams a desk.

“Calm down! Let’s think.” Haymitch chastises her.

“Ok so can I look up yearbooks online? Jo does Cori have a MySpace or a… a face space?” Jackson asks.

“It’s Facebook. And no. Not that I know of. The number he’s been calling me on is out of service. And the other cop, Holmes ran the plate of the car I saw him get out of. It was stolen and found empty already.” Jo says exasperated.

How the hell did he get Rue to where he took her? Un-noticed, on foot?

“I don’t even know if he went to Elsinore High. I saw him when I was in middle school he was in 8th grade when I was in 6th. That means we need the David A. Brown Middle school year book.” I say also aggravated at our seemingly dead end.

“I know it feels hopeless but the Amber Alert is out with Rue’s picture and Cori’s description and we need to breathe and look through these pictures.” Jackson says.

Okay stay calm and breathe.

God I’m nauseous.

“Thank God! You found the online middle school yearbook.” Jo says.

I text Gale what’s happening with Peeta and the case. So the family is up to speed.

Gale texts me back that he remembers a Cori in his class in middle school. Mr. Leeg’s class specifically, possibly married to my old teacher Mrs. Leeg. It was very helpful. After what seemed like hours…

“That’s him! Coriolanus Thread!” I say pointing at his picture.

“Yeah that’s Cori just younger.” Jo says.

“I knew it.” I say.

Please let Rue and Peeta be ok.

“So we can go to his house and get Rue right?” Jo asks impatiently.

“Okay ladies. Your work is done thank you. We’ll keep you posted as to our investigation.” Coin is standing at the doorway to the office and all of us appear shocked at her presence.

“Well I… we still need to find Peeta.” I say.

“Yes, well in 48 hours if he hasn’t returned, his folks can fill out a missing persons form but you can go home for now. Jackson you’ll escort them home won’t you?” Coin says and I get the feeling she wants us gone.

What is up your ass lady?

“Uh, let’s get you two home then.” Jackson says.

“Haymitch where were you when the dragon lady snuck up on us?” I say kicking his foot.

He fell asleep on a bench beside the vending machine while we looked at the yearbook pictures.

Ugh! And he smells like whiskey.

“What? Who?” Haymitch grumbles but sits up.

“Great brainless! Now your drunk ass can’t drive us home.” Jo says to Haymitch.

He burps. Then Jackson comes over and gathers all the statements and evidence for Rue and Snow/Cori. He puts it in a box. And puts it on his desk.

“Don’t worry about him. He’s been around a long time. He will continue to be around and drink and win cases. Why don’t I get Officer Messalla here to help me drive you all home?” Jackson says.

Messalla smiles at Jackson and says it would be her pleasure. I go in Jackson’s car with Holmes. Jo and Haymitch follow in the car with Messalla and her partner Officer Mitchell.

“Jackson? What if Peeta went looking for Sn- Cori and he got him too?” I ask.

“Well, we don’t know that Peeta did that.” He says.

“Yeah but his brothers car has OnStar if they reported it stolen then you’d have to look for it right?” I ask.

Little does he know, 15 minutes ago, I asked Graham to do that very thing.

“Yes, but Katniss, I’m not about to go looking for it right now with you in the-”

“Be advised. We’ve got a possible 10-16. Dark Blue Chevy Malibu, license number. November-8-Romeo-Yankee-Delta-Romeo. OnStar Navigational says last pinged 1730. It’s located at…” Dispatch says through the car radio.

Yes! Thank you Graham.

“N8RYDR? What is that?” Jackson asks.

“Night Rider.” I say pleased with myself for thinking of the plan and figuring out the license plate.

“Hey uh, Jackson, that address is pretty close. We could check it out real quick.” Messalla’s voice comes through the radio.

“Katniss. You did that didn’t you?” Jackson accuses.

“Jackson, I know they are connected. Please?” I beg.

Meanwhile, in the car behind us, Jo is telling Haymitch why we got kicked out so fast.

“So Coin basically said we no longer need your services. Even though, without you girls they’d have precisely Bubkis? That about right? So what did you two find in the online yearbook?” Haymitch asks her.

“That his last name is Thread.” Jo says.

“Did you say Tread or Thread? As in Romulus Thread.” Haymitch asks.

“T-H-R-E-A-D. Why-”

“Yo, coppers we need to turn this thing around! Now!” Haymitch yells at Messalla and Mitchell.

“What the hell, Haymitch?” Jo yells.

“Hey sir! Calm down, we’re about to investigate The Mellark’s stolen car that Katniss was so eager to find.” Messalla says.

“Jo, do you have a phone?” Haymitch asks her.

“Yeah old man. Are you still drunk?” Jo says.

“Boggs guess what your perps last name is? Thread. Yeah like Romulus Thread. No, I don’t know if she knows just make sure she doesn’t leave.

"Okay, Katniss we are now conducting a ride along. That means you are going with us to check out the stolen vehicle but you are to stay in the car. For all we know Peeta is just with his girlfriend or something.” Jackson says.

Ouch! Why does that sting so bad?

“He doesn’t have a girlfriend.” I mumble under my breath.

Jo texts me that Haymitch said Romulus Thread was Alma Coins Father and ex Chief of Police.

Is Snow related to her?

“Jackson! Alma Coin is Romulus Threads daughter. Why does Cori have the same last name as her father?” I ask.

“Come to think of it. Alma is married, now. So, she could have her husbands last name.” Holmes offers up.

I text Gale with an update. My mom tells him to tell us to come home and let police handle it. Jo gets the same kind of text from Thom.

But Rue is out here and she needs us, and maybe Peeta too.

“Mess, Mitchell, you wanna check it out?” Jackson asks through his radio.

“10-4. We’re on it.” Messalla replies through the radio.

We pull up the address. I can’t see Ry’s car and I’m scared about why it’s here in the first place.

We’re in a poorly lit area and there’s a long driveway leading to a decent sized house. The house only has one light on upstairs. The houses on either side are at least half an acre away. There are a few trees in the surrounding area.

“Katniss can you call Peeta and see if the phone rings?” Jackson asks me.

I do and it rings until it goes to voicemail again. But we see a small blue light in the darkness on the side of the house.

Is Peeta’s phone here?

Where is he?

Is Rue here too?

“Okay M&M. Your up.” Jackson says into the radio.

“Is that your nickname for them?” I ask.

“Yeah, we call Messalla and Mitchell, Slim Shady or M&M. They call me and Holmes, Josh and Katey or Pacey and Joey. So fair is fair.” She says.

“Who? Are those your first names?” I ask.

“Really you’ve never heard of Dawson’s Creek, kid? I keep forgetting how young y-” Holmes is cut off by the radio.

“J, this is the right car but it’s empty. I can hear someone shouting in the house. Should we knock and ask about the vehicle or treat the situation with caution?” Messalla asks almost whispering.

I can’t breathe.

Who’s shouting?

“No don’t knock. Just head back to your car and-"Jackson starts.

"S- someone is coming out if the house we are hiding behind the car. Going silent.” Messalla whispers and then there’s no noise.

“Shit!” Holmes says.

“Katniss I’m going to let you out to go to the other car with Haymitch and Joanna. We have to go back up our officers.” Jackson tells me.

He gets out, opens my door and I run to the car about ten feet behind the one I got out of. When I look back Jackson and Holmes are gone.

“Open the door brainless.” Jo says.

“Now, I know you want to run over there and endanger your life, Sweetheart. But you sit your ass down.” Haymitch tells me.

Jo and I sit on the trunk of the car. Feeling anxious and helpless and hyper aware of my surroundings I see lights coming down the road and tap Jo. She sees it too.

“Haymitch get out of the car.” I whisper.

We close the door quietly and hide behind some trees until the car passes.

“Put your hands up and get on the ground!” Holmes shouts from close to the house.

“Coriolanus! Get in the house!”

“Damn if that didn’t sound like Coin.” Haymitch says.

We start moving closer to the house trying to hide in the shadows.

“Excuse us, Detective Coin, but that man is wanted for questioning. Because this car was reported stolen less than an hour ago and we think he may be the same perp that assisted in the Everdeen rape. So he needs to come with us.” Jackson states as calmly as he can.

“Help!”

“Hey we’re in here!”

“Mess check out the basement!” Holmes yells after hearing two voices coming from under the house.

Rue and Peeta?

Pop! Pop!

“Mitchell!” Messalla screams.

“Stop! Now!” Holmes shouts.

“Lower your weapon Jackson!” Coin yells.

“You lower your weapon! You just shot a fellow officer!” Jackson yells back.

“We have an officer down at 736 Capitol Way. Requesting an ambulance… and back up.”

“What do you want to do Coin? Cori is in handcuffs. You just shot and officer and there are three guns on you. Is this worth it?” Jackson tries to reason with her.

“He’s my son alright! Would it be worth it to you?” Coin says.

Her son?

Jo gasps next to me. It all makes sense now. If Snow is really Cato’s cousin, that means he’s her nephew. No wonder she treated me that way in the hospital when we first met. I told her, her nephew and her son, however inadvertently, raped me.

“Coin, we don’t want anymore blood shed here tonight. What can we do to make that happen?” Jackson negotiates.

There is a loud bang in the house the stomping up stairs and another bang. Followed by the front door opening.

“Let my son go.” Coin orders.

“You know I can’t do that.” Jackson says.

Then I see them. First Rue. Then Peeta.

They’re alive.

Haymitch grabs both Jo and I’s mouth. Good thing cause we both let out muffled screams.

“Shh! You have to be quiet! We may be the only witnesses to this scene.” Haymitch whispers.

We both shake our heads in agreement. So he lets go.

Sirens are headed towards us.

Pop!

Coin shot Jackson!

He falls down. More shots are fired. Holmes shoots Coin in the shoulder. Messalla shoots Coin in the knee.

A shot must go into Peeta and Rues direction toward the house, because Peeta covers Rue and then slumps down to the ground.

Peeta!

Somehow in the shuffle Cori must’ve gotten away. I feel dizzy. They have to catch him.

When will this nightmare end?

Coin is lying on the ground. Jackson gets her gun away from her and starts reading Coin her rights. The ambulance is coming down the driveway. Messalla leaves Mitchell to check on Jackson.

I can’t help it anymore. I run to Peeta and Rue. Jo’s hot on my heels.

“Rue!” Jo calls.

“Jo! Katniss!” Rue cries.

She’s ok!

But Peeta isn’t moving.

“Peeta! Peeta can you hear me?” I yell.

“He saved me.” Rue cries into Jo’s shoulder.

“Peeta? Please be okay.” I say my tears falling onto him.

I lean close to him but try not to crush him. I feel his neck for a pulse. His heart is beating. I check his arms and chest for bullet holes.

“It’s his leg. His leg is bleeding. He’ll be ok right?” Rue asks in a small voice.

“Did that bastard hurt you?” Jo asks Rue.

“No. Peeta wouldn’t let him.” Rue says.

How long was Peeta with her?

“Excuse me miss. Is he hurt?” A paramedic asks me.

“Yes. His name is Peeta Mellark.” I say crying.

I move and let the paramedics do there job. They cart away Mitchell, Jackson, Coin and Peeta. They check Rue. But she’s relatively fine. Messalla and Holmes drive Haymitch, Jo, Rue, and I home.

“I’m sorry he got away again.” Holmes tells me holding it together better than I am.

“I’m sorry about Jackson.” I tell her.

The nightmares I faced last night were the worst I’ve ever had. First, Prim comes in and holds me till I fall back asleep. Then when I scream the second time, mom comes in and lays beside us both.

I stay somewhere between drifting back to sleep and startling myself back awake for the rest of the night. Not to mention having to get up to go pee every two hours or so.

Thanks to mom. I haven’t had as much nausea. She gives me ginger candies to suck on and peppermint tea.

Being pregnant is not without its challenges, but a lot of the time I forget about it until I’m starving or something that used to fit feels irritatingly tight on my lower abdomen. Most of my clothes were always a little baggy though, so no one has noticed anything.

I decide to go see Peeta in the morning. Plus, I want to check on Jackson and Mitchell too. We stop to check on Rue and the family first.

Rue was shaken up but relatively unharmed. We told her how her text message helped us figure out who Snow was. She was as glad as she could be still worrying about Peeta’s injury.

“You really should thank Peeta for his part as well.” Rue tells me.

“Yeah, if he hadn’t gone looking for Snow. We couldn’t have tracked his car to Rue.” Thom says.

“And not to mention Detective Catnip here.” Gale chimes in.

“No really. It was everyone’s effort. Without Jo and Vic I would never have figured out the connection with Snow and Cori. Without Officer Jackson and Holmes, and Messalla, and Mitchell. Coin would have gotten away with covering the whole thing up.” I say still shocked at the events that transpired.

“Hey everybody. Breakfast is ready.” Rooba calls in a voice that we’ve all become accustom to.

Rooba’s blessing over the meal this morning was filled with extra gratefulness to have her daughter was back home safe, well wishes for our families. Also, with hope that Jackson, Mitchell and Peeta recover fast and faith that Cori will be caught and brought to justice for all his crimes.

After we all eat. My mom and I head to the hospital. Unfortunately so has every news reporter in the state it seems.

Boggs called a press conference. As we walk up we see the Mellark family and Holmes and Messalla.

They’re explaining that Coin was apprehended. That with the work of the fine officers involved, they saved Rue and Peeta from Coriolanus Thread, who is indeed the very same rape accomplice, Snow. But that he regrettably got away. They ask if anyone knows his whereabouts to please contact their local authorities.

They mention how heroic Peeta was, and say he was badly hurt but should make a full recovery. Lieutenant Castor Jackson is in critical condition. Officer Pollux Mitchell died of his injuries just an hour ago.

Mitchell’s family comes to the podium and speaks. Next to say a few words is Jackson’s sister. Then finally, Peeta’s dad. I, along with probably most of America, shed a few tears at the things said about these brave men. And Peeta gets included in their honored and distinguished band.

I sneak into the hospital and tip toe in to Jackson’s wing. I get a glimpse of him through a door; before a nurse tells me I can’t be in here, unless I’m family. She recognized me though and tells me she’ll keep my mom informed of his progress. I thank her and leave.

You can survive this Jackson.

I ask one of the officers on guard where Coin is being held. Once they tell me, my feet involuntarily go in the direction of her room. When I get to her room, she has a bandage on her shoulder and she’s handcuffed to the bed by her hands and feet. But she is awake.

“What do you want?” She spits.

To know how you could protect him.

“You knew your son was involved in my rape, didn’t you?” I ask.

“No. He didn’t rape you. My son wouldn’t do that.” She deflates at the end and starts crying.

Holmes comes in, “Katniss you shouldn’t be in here. Peeta is asking for you.”

Coin chuckles at me, through her tears.

“You know, they were heavily into drugs. And Jo says that’s why she broke up with Cori and didn’t even tell him about the baby at first. Not that it excuses their behavior. But maybe they were good kids, once. But can’t you see that he has changed, and isn’t a good person anymore?” I ask to Coin angered by her disregard.

“Oh, shut up you bitch! You don’t know what it’s like to have a child and raise them. For them to, turn on you. Act like you’re the enemy. He went to go live with his father and stopped calling and coming to visit. But he’s still my son. He just needed help and now he could be dead somewhere!” She screams at me.

“Yes or he could be planning to kill someone! He’s not stable. Kidnapping a helpless little girl, and threatening the mother of his child? Come on Alma, he needs to be in custody. Tell us where he is. Please before it’s too late.” Holmes says to Coin.

Coin starts cursing and yelling, “Wait and see! Just wait and see! You bitch!” While pulling her arms up and failing around. Holmes takes me out of there and nurses rush in to sedate Coin.

“Katniss, what were you thinking going in there?” Holmes asks me as we walk to Peeta’s room.

“I don’t know. I just thought she had a human side and would be remorseful for everything. Mitchell’s dead because she shot him. And Jackson… According to Haymitch, she used to be a good cop. I wanted to believe there was good left in her, because maybe then, there could be good somewhere in Snow. He is out there and he could try to hurt my loved ones. I don’t want to feel like a victim to him anymore.” I admit.

“Then don’t. He doesn’t control that and he will get caught eventually. My guess is he got as far away from here as he could, to hide with his tail between his legs. And if he ever comes back we will be prepared. You can be too. Take some self-defense classes. Keep going to see that Dr. Aurelius. And keep your eyes open. You have really good instincts and you’re a smart girl. Don’t doubt that. Have faith in yourself.” Holmes tells me.

“Thanks. Do you think Jackson’s gonna pull through?” I ask.

“I think so. He’s a fighter, you know.” She says.

“Hey.” Peeta says as I walk into his room.

“Hey. How you feelin’?” I ask scared he hates me.

“Oh, you know. I feel shot in the leg.” He says and manages a small smile.

He’s okay. Don’t cry.

“I’m so sorry you were in that situation. But I shudder to think what could’ve happened to Rue, if you hadn’t been there.” I say trying to swallow the lump in my throat.

“She might’ve gotten away if not for me.” He says.

“What do you mean? She told us you saved her. More than once.” I dispute

“Well, I couldn’t let him hurt her. But before that, I got out my old middle school yearbook, to try and find the guy that got teased in school. I asked Ry to barrow his car. Even though you weren’t talking to me, I thought you’d want to see it. I was on my way to your house, when I saw Rue running through the park.” Peeta tells me.

“Oh My God! That’s how he took her without anyone seeing.” I gasp.

“Yeah, she saw me, ran to the car, started trying to explain that she thought someone was following her. Then he popped out from behind a tree with a gun. He grabbed her and said he’d shoot her if I didn’t do what he said. He made me get in the trunk. My phone was in the front of the car so I couldn’t call anyone. She later told me he took off his hoodie, put it on her, and pulled the hoodie over her face. He put her in the passenger seat and held the gun to her while he drove, telling her he’d shoot her if she tried anything funny. I think she started typing a text message while in the car with him, but she got scared and stopped. He drove us to the house you found us at, and I prepared to try and wrestle him when he opened the trunk. But he had Rue do it and held the gun to her head. I was scared he was gonna kill her just to get back at me for beating up Cato and testifying against him. I had no idea at first that he was C.J’s dad.” Peeta relays his story.

“How did she send the text then?” I ask.

“Once he got us inside. He had me duck tape Rue’s mouth and hands in front of her and then hit me on the head. I woke up in the basement and Rue was tied to a chair and my hands were tied behind my back. She couldn’t see that well because it was dark and she couldn’t look down because of how she was bound. But I’m guessing she typed the part about how she loved her family in the car. I could talk, but I threw up once and I was dizzy. The doctors are saying I had a concussion from Snow hitting me on my head. But I talked to Rue and I told her that the guy who took us was Snow he just cut and dyed his hair. She had hid the phone in her bra and wiggled until it fell down her shirt and she tried to text info to Vic. So he could get help and you could connect Snow as Cory. But we heard movement and she started to panic and pushed send before he came down. Then I turned around and grabbed it from her. We’re so dumb we should’ve called 911. I hid the phone behind me on the floor. He came in yelling about what a mess we made of everything and he called Jo some bad names. When he left I grabbed to phone and tried to give it back to Rue but she started crying cause the phone had died.” Peeta says.

“Peeta I’m so sorry. If I would’ve been in touch with you, we could’ve met somewhere. Maybe you wouldn’t have been on the way to my house. Maybe Rue would’ve made it home before he grabbed her and nobody would be dead and hurt right now.” I start crying.

“Yeah, but we probably wouldn’t have Coin, or Snow on the run. If I showed you the yearbook and we went to the police Coin would’ve made sure no one found out. She may have just killed us both and covered it up. And according to the police, I think his ultimate goal was to take C.J from Jo. I know Rue is happier her nephew was safe even if that meant her being taken in his place. Katniss, I will heal. Jackson and Mitchell are courageous police officers who know every time they put on the uniform, their lives are at risk. They wouldn’t want you blaming yourself. Trust me.” Peeta says.

I run over to him and wrap my arms around him in a hug. He hugs me back.

“Katniss. Don’t cry. It’s okay. Pleas-”

I stop his mouth with my lips. My impulse to do something I’ve wanted to do for so long taking over. Peeta’s lips are soft and warm against mine.

He seems taken off guard at first. But he quickly takes ahold of my face and the upper hand. What starts as a gentle, sweet, kiss, becomes more passionate and frantic.

He lightly licks my top lip. I open up willingly letting him invade my mouth, and tangle our tongues, coaxing a delicate moan out of me.

I’ve never been kissed like this.

I feel high and ignited. My hands clutch the fabric at his chest and the hair at the nape of his neck. He runs and hand down from my shoulder, to my back. Caressing my side. Then sliding onto my hip. Peeta’s fingers dip slightly into the top of my jeans, sending chills through my whole body.

I feel tension in my belly and then a bump! I jerk away from Peeta unlatching our lips. His face is flushed and shocked.

Oh! What was that?

“Katniss. I’m sorry. Are you ok? I’m sorry I should… I shouldn’t have kissed you.” He fumbles.

Shouldn’t have? Why?

“I kissed you. But umm… my stomach hurts. I gotta go, Peeta.” I say rushing out.

I find my mom. I explain the weird feeling I felt.

What’s happening?

“Katniss, you just felt your baby move!” Mom tells me quietly, so no one else can here.

“Oh! Okay, so nothing’s wrong with me?” I say relieved.

“No. You’ve been under a lot of stress lately. Why, what were you doing? When you felt it?”

Kissing Peeta Mellark.

“Um. Just hanging out with Peeta. He is doing better by the way.” I half-lie.

“Okay. Good. So you’re alright then?” She asks.

Am I?

Was what I was doing wrong?

Is that why the baby chose that moment to scare the crap out of me?

“Uh huh.” I say.

“Okay, love you. Why don’t we get you home?” She says.

At home, I get on the computer and look at the school I was accepted to. It has a lot of grants and student loan options. If I live on campus and get a job, will I have time for a baby?

I click on a link for a scholarship program and somehow get to a scholarship application.

May as well apply right?

I start filling it out and then I get a text.

Peeta- I just want to make sure you’re ok. Please text me back.

Katniss- Yes. I’m fine. I just needed to get out of there. I’m home now. Sorry, I kissed you. I’m not sure where that came from.

Peeta- Maybe it came from your feelings for me?

Katniss- Peeta, I shouldn’t have feelings for you because I’m going away to school. You’re going away to school and we are great as friends. If we complicate that it could be bad. I just don’t think we’re ready.

Peeta- You mean you’re not ready. I could be ready. I wanted to ask you out remember?

Katniss- Yes, but Peeta, then life happened. We are, broken and carry battle scars. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. You might not feel the same way about me forever.

Peeta- Why won’t you let me decide what I feel for you and how long I want to feel it? I’ve felt it for years.

Katniss- You’ve felt what for years?

Peeta- Katniss can I see you?

Katniss- Your in the hospital? I just saw you.

Peeta- No, when I’m out. I’ll come by after I’m released.

Katniss- Okay but Peeta. Just focus on getting better.

Peeta- Thank you.

Katniss- You’re Welcome.

Peeta- Goodnight Katniss.

After texting Peeta, I go back to the computer. I get to the section of the application where you must write an essay. I stay up all night writing it. In the morning, I’m exhausted.

My phone rings. Haymitch tells me that Jackson woke up and he’s doing much better. But that Coin committed suicide last night.

What else could happen?

“Sweetheart, that’s not all. We think Cori snuck into the hospital last night.” Haymitch says.

Peeta!

“Your boys okay. It’s just that if he went there to see his mom. Then he knows she died and Boggs is worried he’ll want revenge so he wants to put you and your sister and your mom into Witness Protection. And frankly, I agree.” Haymitch says.

“But. But Haymitch?”

“We would be putting Rooba, Jo, C.J and Rue in also. But Thom refuses. Says he’s going out of state for college anyway and can’t disappear without Delly. The Hawthorne crew hasn’t had any threats so we can’t move them either.” Haymitch tells me.

This is crazy!

“What about? I was planning to go to school also.” I say still in shock.

“Yeah, well we could talk to the board of admissions and tell them your situation. They can recommend you to a similar school in another state and the government will be moving you and… and changing your names. But they’ll be finding your mom a good job. So I think you will find you end up in a higher tax bracket from now on. I’m sorry about the boy.” Haymitch says.

“Peeta isn’t my boyfriend. I guess now’s as good a time as any to tell you. I’m pregnant. I don’t want to hold back his future so…” I say tears welling up in my eyes.

“Wait is it-”

“It’s my baby, Haymitch. And I expect you to keep attorney, client confidentiality about that information. When do we have to leave?” I ask as stoically as I can.

“Two days.”

The events over the last four months have been life changing. Haymitch will be able to contact us and he’s assured us as soon as Coriolanus “Snow” Thread is caught we can return. But my faith that will happen is shaken.

Our last meal at Hazelle’s is rough. Rue and Prim are equally happy they get to stay together as they are devastated to be leaving Vic and Rory.

Gale invites Madge and Thom invites Delly. I saw Finnick and Annie before they left for the airport yesterday. BeeTee and Wiress both got early admissions and left before the kidnapping but have been sending their love through email and are sad we won’t be able to email anymore.

We try to remember the good times we’ve had around this huge kitchen table. We laugh. We cry. Everyone is putting on a brave face since half of this makeshift family is leaving in the morning.

Peeta is still in the hospital. Peeta has texted me goodnight, every night since we started helping each other get through the nights. Even when I wasn’t talking to him, he texted it. Tonight, for the last time on this phone, I text back.

Katniss- Goodnight Peeta.

“Peeta, why do you want to make this harder than it has to be? Stop putting yourself in danger for me.”

“Kat you were gonna leave without telling me. If I hadn’t over heard Holmes talking to Messalla, I still wouldn’t know. Of course I snuck out.”

He knocked on my window at midnight and I let him in. He looks so hurt that I could leave him.

“It’s raining, there’s a psychopath on the loose and you have a a metal pin and stitches in your leg.” I whisper so I don’t wake the whole house.

He carefully takes my hands in his. They’re surprisingly warm considering he just came in out of the cold. I hope he doesn’t have a fever.

“Tell me you don’t care about me?”

“Peeta what?” I shake my head and turn around.

“Can you say you don’t?”

“Peeta, we aren’t discussing this now. I’m leaving in the mornin’-“

“I love you, Katniss. I love you.”

I spin back around and he’s has unshed tears in his eyes.

“I’ve tried not to tell you. Because all the books say it’s too soon after this kind of tragedy to put this kind of pressure on you. I don’t want anything from you. You don’t owe me anything. But I have to tell you before you go. I know you care about me too.”

I close the small distance between us and kiss him like I did in the hospital. I think about what he’s just told me, and everything I know. Not only does he love me, it seems he has had feelings for me for a while because he remembers me singing in kindergarten. He wanted to ask me to Prom and he was sweet enough to stand by because someone beat him to it. He took pictures with me and let our friends tease him about being alone. He was no doubt angry I was being dumb and could’ve tried to steal me from the date, but he’s always thinking of others. He knew I needed help and he blamed himself for what happened. But he was my rock through all of the aftermath. Keeping me safe. Helping me feel safe. Always being cautious of my fear and never making me fear him. He read about how to deal with survivors. He himself is quite a survivor and he stayed away when I pushed him away. All the while selflessly putting his wishes on the back burner, for me.

“Peeta, I love you too. I have to go tomorrow. But I… I want you to stay with me, tonight.”

“Always.”

“I don’t know if you can forgive me for being so stupid and oblivious but I-“

“I already told you. You never need to apologize to me, love.” He says hugging me tight.

I sit on my bed and pull him down with me. He’s got an arm around me and draws little soothing shapes on my shoulders.

“Will I be able to contact you? I guess not, huh? Well, can I write to you? Maybe under a false name, or through Haymitch?”

I shake my hand no. The tears fall down both our faces as the gravity of the situation hits us.

“Kat, say something. Please.”

“Will you? Would you…” I cover me face with my hands. “I’m not good at saying something.”

“What do you need?” He asks and in that moment, I know he’d give me the moon if he could.

“I need you.” I tell him honestly.

“You have me. Okay? You don’t need to worry-“

“I need you, Peeta.” I emphasize the need that I feel growing with the revelation of my feelings.

“Oh. OH… you mean? But you… we… Katniss? Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

It’s not crazy rush passion or exactly how he might’ve imagined it.

We slowly explore each other’s bodies and get to know what feels amazing. I don’t expect much so it’s even more meaningful when he makes me climax with just his hands and then him mouth.

“You’re so beautiful and strong. Don’t ever let anyone tell your you’re not.” He whispers in the ear he just nibbled.

“I have to tell you something.”

“You’re pregnant aren’t you?” He guesses.

“How? When did you know?”

He gently rubs my belly as he rolls me on my side and lines up our bodies so he can enter me for a second time tonight.

“I was always aware of the possibility. But the morning sickness, the way you craved cheese buns, and when you fainted. I was pretty sure. I thought that’s why you pushed me away, but Katniss?”

He pushes in and I gasp at how good it feels.

“I love you, so much. How could I not love the baby?” He clarifies.

“Peeta, I love you.”

We finish together in a handful of moans and sighs.

I wake to a knock on my door.

I don’t feel him in the bed. In fact I’m in the clothes I wore yesterday.

It was just a dream?

“Haymitch called, sis. We can go back.” Prim says tears in her eyes.

I’m so shocked I almost miss the whirlwind of little legs.

“Mama wake-ity up. Come on, cereal s’ready.”

#springtime edition 2018 #jrheartbreaker #ra3lynn3 #Prompt 36 #submission

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mariyekos · 6 years

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holy shit 75k for your college!? man just go to community college, mine's literally 600 dollars a semester. there's really no difference except how much you'll be spending your life in crippling debt

(this is pretty negative btw. and long)

Okay so while it’s nice to see people read my tags and have a suggestion, I kind of wish you could have worded this a little more nicely. I feel guilty enough about paying what I have to pay. Which is not actually 76k, since I am getting some financial aid. I was saying that $76,000 is the base tuition (well, with housing and stuff). Which yeah, is a lot, especially when compared to community college. And it’s the reason I’m thinking about transferring out after a year or two to a UC school since I’m from California and the tuition would be a lot cheaper thanks to in-state tuition and Cal Grants and all that stuff. I don’t think I’ll end up doing it in the end, or at least hope I won’t have to, but we’ll see.

I wouldn’t go to a community college though. Community colleges can be pretty good, and I have a cousin who went to one for two years before transferring to a UC for his bachelors or whatever, but I don’t want to go to one myself. Going to a 4-year university has been my dream since childhood. I’ve spent the past few years being told by people that that’s the end goal. With some specific people telling me that if I don’t go to a university after all I’ve done, it will be a waste. And one particular teacher telling me I’ll fail at life if I don’t go to a 4-year university and while I know it’s not true the combination of all that pressure has stuck with me in a way I can’t get out of my head. And to a large extent, I agree. I didn’t do all the things I’ve done and pushed myself beyond what I really felt like doing so I could go to a community college which would have accepted me even if I hadn’t done those things, as long as my grades were good enough (is there even a grade requirement? I have no idea actually. I’ve never checked. I think so? But I really don’t know). So much of my life over these past few years has been dominated by me doing things so I could build a resume that would get me accepted into a university. Basketball, track, science fair, IB, etc. Whatever made me look the most impressive. Whatever could show a University, “Hey! I can multitask! I can excel! I can do well! I would be a great addition to your school, accept me!”

Sure, some of these things I did because I liked them. To an extent. I can tell you that my last 2 and a half years of basketball were done because I thought “what will universities think if they see I made Varsity but then abandoned the team? It will look so much better if they see I can stick with something.” Definitely year 3 in particular was for college. That year was beyond hellish. Science Fair took so much effort, and created many stressful days all with the goal of “improving my college application.” The specific diploma program I’m doing in school was 50% motivated by “colleges look to see you took the hardest courses available at your school” and “I need to look the best”. Long story short, I’ve worked too hard with the specific goal of “getting into a four year university” to just… not do that.

The biggest thing though, or maybe it’s tied with the last thing, is that going to Duke has been a dream for as long as I can remember. Even in elementary school I wanted to go. In about 3rd grade I realized, hey if I get good at basketball then that will impress them! And then proceeded to play basketball nonstop until my junior year of high school when my coach ruined the sport for me so much I took a two month break. Which I came back from to play for him again because I needed that “Varsity basketball senior year captain” thing on my resume. To get into college. My dad went to Duke, and I’ve been wearing Duke stuff since I was born. I’ve always felt like going there would give me a sort of connection to him. Like it would impress him. He passed away when I was 5, so going there is all the more important. Kind of like I can show him, “You know what dad? I did my best. I tried so hard, and maybe I’m not perfect, but look where I’m going! I did it! I’m here! I made it! Just like you did! Are you proud of me?” I don’t remember him much, but his Duke friends were his friends that stayed with him for life, and his Duke stories were the ones that were told. It was a special place to him, and because of that it’s a special place to me.

I’ve visited the campus, and it’s beautiful. It has one of the best environmental science programs out there, which is what I’m interested in, as well as a marine lab that I’m hoping to have a class with. The campus is beautiful, and the people I met seem pretty cool. and it’s just… Evidence. Evidence of how hard I worked. All those nights of staying up until 2AM, trying to finish an essay or a project or a study guide or whatever payed off. They got me to my dream school. To one of the top universities in the country. Sure it’s not an ivy league, but it’s good. It has the programs I want to enroll in. It’ll look good on a job application. It’s located pretty close to the EPA headquarters, as well as a bunch of other prestigious places (the research triangle area).

I wasn’t looking for the most expensive place possible. I can tell you I sobbed when I saw the price and thought “oh god I can’t go here. It’s too expensive.” I don’t like the price. It’s ridiculous. But my mom has told me for years that the price shouldn’t be the reason I don’t go to my dream school, as have several other people. Hell, my classmates have been talking about it for years. Whenever I talk about something that seems below impressive, I get looked at. Like, “what the hell are you talking about.” “What the hell do you mean you don’t know if you’ll get in? You’re like one of the top 5 smartest people here” Or “oh come on don’t worry about it you’re super smart” or “no way you’re going to go somewhere like that. you’re too good for that.” And I sure as hell don’t have a great self image or self confidence. Being able to go somewhere like Duke gives me such a sense of accomplishment. I did something. I really did something. I worked so so hard. And I’m getting something out of it. I didn’t fail. After spending so much time feeling like a failure, i did something. And I don’t want to give it up. I really, really don’t want to give it up.

Plus there’s what I said before. I feel like if I do go to community college… i’ll have failed. Community college is a great option for people. I’m glad it exists. It’s especially great for people facing tough financial situations. Several of my friends are going to community colleges either because they couldn’t afford a university education, or because they just wanted to. And I’m not looking down on it. But for so long I’ve been told that that’s not the top - that university is. And like I said, I can’t get that out of my mind. If I go to community college I know I’ll always have a voice nagging in the back of my head that I could have done better. I still feel guilty for small things I did years ago. I hate myself for doing choir, for example. Right now, my class has 1 valedictorian and 2 salutatorians (due to a tie). So the top 3 people in the class. I’m class rank 4. Had I not taken choir, I would be either 1 or 2 right now. But I took choir. I wanted to sing and I allowed myself that and it hurt my GPA. I tell myself, well I had some fun. But will I regret it for a while? Yes. Have I regretted it since I finished? Yes. Because “I could have done better.” I took choir before that and that should have been good enough, right? I would have been fine taking a different class. If I had taken that 7th class when i had the option, taken that weighted class instead of the non-weighted choir, then I wouldn’t be number 4. It’s silly to be so upset over. But that’s the sort of way my mind works and the sort of thing that sticks with me. There was nothing wrong with taking choir. It wasn’t a terrible experience. Just like there’s nothing wrong with going to community college. But I would have that nagging voice telling me that I failed. That I could have done better. I don’t want to feel guilty for however many years that would stick with me.

And then last thing… I’m already enrolled in Duke. It’s a little late for going to a community college. So thanks for the suggestion, but no thanks. I’ve spent a while thinking about where I would go. I thought about community college for a while, to save money. But I’m getting financial aid so college isn’t completely impossible money wise. I have a savings account that will help me pay. I don’t want to go into debt. If I have to transfer somewhere cheaper to avoid that, then so be it. I just don’t want people to see me as a failure, and I don’t want to see myself as a failure. If I don’t go to a university (specifically Duke) at this point, I know that that is what’s going to happen. I get judged enough when I’m not at the top already. And as much as I know my life shouldn’t revolve around other people’s thoughts about me, I get freaked out thinking about being a failure, and thinking about what others think of me. It doesn’t always change my actions, but it does make me insanely guilty which I don’t want to be.

Okay for the real last thing I will say this. Thank you for making a suggestion to help me. Debt is not a fun thing, and I don’t want to be in debt. However, even putting aside all my fears of not going to a university… I want to go to Duke. It’s been my dream forever, and it has everything that I want now. So that’s where I’m going. And next time, please just… phrase things a little nicer. That’s the sort of stuff/tone I get hit with both by people trying to crush my dreams (in this sense and others), and by people telling me I need to do something like going to a university or I won’t accomplish anything meaningful with my life.

Sorry for going off or whatever. This is much longer than I thought it would be, and super unorganized. It’s stream of consciousness or thought or whatever the phrase is (I think the first but i’m tired and don’t feel like putting in more effort). But it’s honest. So that’s that.

#anonymous #eruanswers #eruasks #erurandomness #hmm #i have an essay i need to do now anyway #i've kept straight As forever and i'm not letting myself fail now #i'm so close to the end.#Anonymous

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ukoid · 6 years

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[2/21/18] :)!

According to my managers, I’ve been smiling more.

A couple weeks ago, and I’ve been dancing this idea around for a while but never really thought about implementing it, I resolved to start sleeping right after work instead of right before work. I’ve discovered that Consistently, I’ve gone into work in a better mood, and I’m less lazy, and I’m always on time if I’m awake a few hours in advance of my shift, and I’ve gotten my rest out of the way.

I’m coming up on a year since having started this job and the more I think about it the happier it makes me. I finally beat Ronnie in tips on a Saturday night, something I’ve never managed to do before. I was even able to keep my cool with A: no host and B: two fewer servers on the floor!!! I’m really proud of myself, and I really think this job is gonna continue to be something good for me. I’m just paranoid that this is just a really big luck streak, haha.

I think I’m ready to tell my mom to up my rent. The more pressure I can put on myself to keep my financials managed, and the more I can feel like I’m actually on top of things, the better I’ll feel. She already upped it from $450 to $500 per month, but I wanna tell her after March to up it to $600. Before the end of the year if I’m not out of the house still, I’ll probably bump it to $750. Because I already have that, plus gas, my car note, and literally almost $200 in twitch subs that I’m paying, lmao.

For right now I wanna keep it as is, because I’m working on saving for a new computer as a side project (and it’s going very well! I’m keeping a few benjamins at home so I don’t spend them, adding as many as possible at my own pace and comfort level). I want a more powerful machine that can stream with more power and maybe upgrade to 60 fps??? o: Lol

The beef between myself and a few members of the EarthBound community and the twitch speedrunning community in general hasn’t really diminished. I finally had a private conversation with someone who very clearly hates me because of the way they misinterpret the way I act, and I feel like even after we “sorted everything out” (i use that phrase very loosely) his attitude about me still hasn’t changed, which really bums me out. It’s just kinda awkward to coexist with him and a couple others, especially when I moderate and watch the same streams he does.

I’m not a dramatic person, I don’t feed off of starting shit with others. It’s the last thing I ever want, I’m a people pleaser I just want everyone to be happy and love each other. It takes a whole lot to genuinely piss me off because I’m used to taking a lot of shit from people. But I guess people just love to find whatever way they can to push my buttons?? Regardless of whether it’s intentional and even after we talk about it. Saddens me when I’m just trying to live my best life and be happy with my friends.

My new friend Riley makes me happier than she probably knows, I just don’t wanna say it to her face because that’s gay. It’s just that I keep thinking about it and even just being able to do something once in a while with her, or Denny, or anyone else that we can just go out and talk. It’s just nice!!! I’m not used to the feeling about being able to do that with someone without any qualms. I last had best friends back in like my freshman year, and of course back then I wasn’t working and couldn’t drive, so it was all on my parents whenever we wanted to hang out. My ex is different, because she and I became best friends my senior year and like a week later everything went romantic, and I can’t really do anything with her now without there being stigma. SO it’s really nice just having a friend. I dunno. I feel like things are just good. But different things are also bad. I really hate how often I think about my pathetic love life. But I guess that’s just the way it goes

I’m thinking of combining this blog with my instagram, kind of a mesh of the idea behind angela’s and riley’s things that they have going. It’s too late for me to start with the new year, or even with the beginning of the blog, but I can post each of my entries since there’s so few. I’ll use my personal insta though since literally I feel like it’s not popular enough for my fucking BLOG to be isolated from it :P

YouTube’s been paying me a lot more lately, despite me not really taking any action. It’s all just from Red revenue on my older grump comps. I’m thinking of making the push for 10k subs and seeing what kind of money I can generate. I can’t do the poll thing on my channel though because I don’t have 10k!!! So I have to unlazy and make a video just to address the fact that I want user input on what to make since I’m pretty indecisive and relate heavily to that whole “executive dysfunction” idea that I’m seeing.

I’m telling myself that I’ll start to catch up on all these projects I know I’ve been wanting to do for like two years once I get my new computer, god I hope I can trust future me to uphold their end of the deal. I keep fucking over my friend ahbeef by telling him I’ll do stuff for him and then putting it off for like months at a time. I still haven’t done him the mario paint commission that I promised for him buying me my webcam (which I’m thinking of replacing at some point!!! fuck!!! lol) I’m just a terrible human being I guess.

Point is, for now, I’m moving forward. I’m just the type of person who needs to take the babiest of baby steps at a time, but results are showing from what I’ve done so far. It might take all year for me to get where I wanna be if not longer, but I have faith.

Here’s my spotify playlist of what I’m listening to on repeat :: https://open.spotify.com/user/1286043202/playlist/5A7hTZ8tVj3HhguThGfA4L?si=DmD7x541QKShQMA1A1Z2lw

#ukoblog

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