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hexiewrites · 2 years

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It’s not the first time Steve has to call an ambulance that does it.

The first time he’s fucking terrified, coming home from a long shift at the new Blockbuster down the street and dinner after with a coworker only to find his boyfriend, passed out on the floor of their shared apartment. He panics, at first, because what the fuck is he supposed to do, and then he gets it together and calls 911. The paramedics won’t let him in the ambulance so he follows behind in the beamer, white knuckles the steering wheel, all the way to the hospital. They won’t let him go all the way in and he paces for hours in the waiting room, drinking shitty hospital cafeteria coffee, before the nurse finally tells him where to go.

And the thing is. The thing is it makes sense. Eddie’s been struggling since the Upside Down. So has Steve, to be honest. They’ve both been crashing, different vices, different issues. So the first time he has to call the ambulance, he gets it. It makes sense, even though it hurts. Sometimes things happen, and Steve can’t fault Eddie for one night of too many goddamn whiskeys. Hell, he’s come pretty close to that point himself, more times than he can count lately. He makes a promise to himself to be better, to be there when Eddie needs him.

To be enough.

It’s not the second time he calls the ambulance that does it either, because as much as that one hurts, it still makes sense. Eddie on the ground gives his brain Eddie in the Upside Down, broken and bleeding and almost fucking dead and Steve calls the ambulance but he chugs a beer back before he follows in the beamer. And fuck, they’ve been through it, haven’t they? Eddie’s been trying but of course it’s going to be hard. People make mistakes and god knows Steve’s made his own, so who is he to do anything but try. Try harder to make Eddie see he doesn’t need this shit. To make him see that Steve loves him so much, loves him enough for both of them, loves him enough to get them through it. So that’s what he does.

He tries, even though he’s failing too. There’s beer in the house and he gets it, now. How much it helps to keep the noise down.

They’ve been fighting about it, even though they don’t have much else they fight about.

So of course he gets it.

The third time he has to call hurts even more. Of course it does, it screams Eddie’s failing and you’re failing and why can’t you be good enough, why can’t you love him enough to fix it. But the hurt is washed over by anger because how can he keep doing this after everything they’ve been through? Hours of meetings together. Weeks of Eddie off in rehab. Whispered promises that it’s done, it’s over. You can’t beat addiction but you can control it. They can focus on them. Maybe start that family they keep talking about. It’s behind them now. It was supposed to be behind them.

But it’s not even the third time, because the third time when Eddie wakes up he looks devastated but he still manages a smile. Still manages to say, voice rough because of the intubation, third time’s the charm, right baby? And- the average addict relapses four times, but I’ve always been below average, huh? I can feel it. This is gonna be my year.

And Steve’s not perfect either. He’s doing better, yeah, he’s putting in the work, but he’s not perfect. He’s better though. He’s been better because he’s been trying. He’s still trying because he keeps picturing Eddie, baby on his hip, cooing and giggling. Picturing them curled up at forty, at fifty, at eighty. Looking back and saying wow, we were fucked up then but we had each other. We got through it together like we always did. So the third time hurts. It pisses him off. But he’s still holding that picture in his mind, despite it fraying at the edges just a bit.

But the fourth time, when it should all be behind them because it had been better, they’d been better, when he comes home and finds Eddie on the floor, broken bottle next to him, needle still in his arm…

Well. Fourth time’s the fucking charm for him.

He calls the ambulance, watches Eddie get loaded in, feels the tears drying onto his cheeks. One of the paramedics knows him from the last time and gives him this sad smile. Says “we got him soon enough, think he’s gonna be okay. He’s lucky, your boy, but even cats only get nine lives.” Steve shuts the ambulance door and doesn’t get in his car to follow. He heads back up the stairs, cleans up the vomit, and starts to pack.

He puts his most important things in the beamer, leaves the rest. Doesn’t leave a note because he doesn’t know what to say. Calls the hospital before he goes because he has to know—Eddie’s awake and asking for him.

He drives to a liquor store instead. Drives until he can’t anymore and checks into a motel halfway between Chicago and Hawkins.

Thinks about his blue two year chip (sitting on his nightstand in the apartment, one of the things not precious enough to bring) as he twists open the bottle, and finally finally finally lets the sweet relief of whiskey burn through his throat.

He’ll regret it tomorrow, but tonight? It’s the only thing he has left.

Steve doesn’t go back to Chicago for nearly four years. He thought about it. Thinks about it. Constantly. He knows that Eddie’s alive because Dustin kept in touch, will give him a little knowing nod every time they see each other (rare, these days, as Steve barrels towards thirty and the kids finish university, get jobs across the country, try to make it home for Christmas and don’t always succeed). He never asks for more because it’s too hard to hear. Dustin tells him, one day, that Eddie’s doing really well now. Steve doesn’t know if he can believe it. He doesn’t want to believe it, because if Eddie’s doing well now without him it means he’s the problem he’s the reason he—he calls his therapist and puts in the fucking work.

He stays in Hawkins. Faces his demons, mostly metaphorical now. Spends a lot of time with Hopper, who gets it more than almost anyone but still wants better for him. Spends hours on the phone with Robin, who begs him to go back into the real world but he can’t, because it hurts too much. Takes enough correspondence classes to get an associate’s degree. Starts driving to the community college a few towns over for classes and upgrades to a Bachelors of Psychology, and starts to understand himself and Eddie and trauma, and things start to hurt a little less. He doesn't drink anymore, goes to meetings with as much regularity as he can, and when he’s finally got a new two year chip in his hands he thinks he might be ready. It hurts like an old wound, twinging in the rain but mostly fine, and he thinks he could maybe handle Chicago again.

He still doesn’t go.

At the end of the day, it’s the acceptance letter into the Masters of Educational Counselling program at the University of Illinois that does it. He honestly hadn’t been expecting to get in, it’s a competitive program and Steve Harrington who barely graduated high school doesn’t exactly scream school counsellor material. But his essay was good, he knows it was. And he knows he’s going to be good at this.

So he packs up the beamer, again. Pulls over to sleep in a tent on the side of the road and calls Hopper from a payphone, sobbing because he can’t do it.

He does it anyway.

He gets to Chicago and his apartment’s on the opposite side of town now but the first time he drives past the hospital again he has a breakdown so bad he almost goes home. But he’s been putting in the work, and he’s doing more than trying now. He’s solid, he’s stable, and he pulls himself together. He calls Hopper and Robin, he goes to meetings, he’s doing well.

He’s studying in a coffee shop, down the street from his apartment, when the open mic starts.

“Hi everyone,” says a voice that Steve would recognize from a hundred miles away. He forces himself to look and Eddie’s on the little stage, an acoustic guitar in hand. "Thanks for being here with me today. I've got some new stuff for y'all that I think you're going to like."

And then he plays. Steve gives up on his work, leans back in the chair, and watches. Eddie looks... he looks good. Better than he had when Steve was around. His hair's still long but it's curly and bouncy, and his skin is bright and alive in the way an addict's never is. His fingers skip, sure and strong, over the frets and his voice is that same melody Steve has never let himself forget, with this almost bluegrass twang that makes Steve's heart ache. He’s playing different music, and he’s shining like he’s made of gold in the late afternoon sun.

There's something about it, about watching Eddie, that feels a bit like healing. Eddie had always loved to play, but the music scene he was in had broken him before, not fixed him. He'd always wanted to make more of his own music, and here it is and it's good. The songs are catchy, straddling his blues/folk upbringing and his rock/metal lifestyle.

And then Eddie finishes a song, maybe his sixth, and his eyes scan the crowd and Steve feels when they land on him. He feels the way the whole room runs out of air, all at once, and Eddie is totally frozen for a full minute. Steve's heart is beating a million miles an hour-he wants to get up, he wants to run, but he's frozen to the seat. Pinned by Eddie's gaze.

And he knows he's been doing better, he has, but nothing was ever as good as it could have been because this is what he was missing.

"I've got," Eddie finally says, and has to stop and clear his throat. "I've got one more song for you." He's talking to the audience, but he never looks away from Steve, and the room has narrowed so much it might as well only be only the two of them there. "This one's about the one I chased away."

Steve pays attention to the lyrics and his heart breaks half a dozen times. Eddie sings about hating himself, about Steve hating him, about how the thing that tore them apart is the thing Eddie will never touch again, how the hatred is what drove him to be better. He sings about forgiveness and healing and when he finishes the coffee shop claps, Eddie waves, and the spotlight cuts.

It isn't even a conscious decision, but Steve finds himself walking up to the stage. Eddie turns away from where he's put the guitar away, their eyes meet again and it feels like coming home.

"I don't hate you," Steve whispers, because he's forgotten how to speak. "I never could."

"I'd understand if you would," Eddie says, and he's stepping closer. They're a foot apart now, eyes locked, and Steve's hands are shaking.

"I've been, uh, working really hard on myself." Steve admits, and he can't help himself. He lifts a hand and tucks a curl behind one of Eddie's ears. "I... I think about you all the time."

Eddie grins, and leans into his touch. "Me too," he murmurs, and drags his thumb over Steve's cheekbone. "I've been putting in the fuckin' work, Steve. And it's not easy, and I'm not perfect. I can't ever promise you perfect. But I'm three years sober, and I think I'm worth it, now. I think you're worth my love and I think I'm worth yours."

"I put in the fuckin work too," Steve mumbles, and he tips his head forwards so their foreheads hit.

When they're forty, they look back on this moment and grin at how little they knew. How much they believed their love would be enough, because the first time it wasn't. But this time, now that they've grown, that they've put in the fucking work?

This time, it's enough.

Eddie looks good with babies on his hips. Steve loves him more every day. They look back at forty, at fifty, at eighty, and they know their love could only have existed because they broke it, and learned by themselves how to fix it. It still hurts sometimes, aches like an old wound, but all Steve needs to do is to squeeze Eddie's hand, to feel his heart beating, and he knows:

He wouldn't trade what they have for the world.

(click here to read Eddie’s version, by the incredibly talented @riality-check !)

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cupidscrule · 5 months

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LEON ANGST FIC!

I cannot stop thinking abt this sooo!!:3

> TW SH, ED, PTSD

(about 500 words, srry I know it's short check out my ao3 for longer ones) not my best work

"Leon you can't keep doing this, I can't just watch you hurt yourself" I begged him grabbing his bloodied arm, tears falling from my eyes, he was walking out the door. Always fucking like this, one thing goes wrong and he's back to square one. That be drinking, not eating, or now cutting. It was draining, not only for you but him, Claire, Chris , everyone. Jesus, all you could do was beg he refused help for anything. Said he could just go through with anything, that he didn't need help, he was fine, you're being dramatic. "Let me go." He says calmly before grabbing your wrist, a lump in his throat. Pushing you away like always, almost as if he didn't care about you, but he did. He really care. Cared too much. He couldn't face you, couldn't look you in the eyes, couldn't tell you what was wrong. Which honestly was worst, he never told you what was going on just put on that dumb fucking smile and moved on acting like shit was fine. You knew what he went through, well a simplified version of it at that; something bad enough to understand why he's like this, but not why he wouldn't ask for help. It hurt, when he was distant, distracted, it always started off the same before his breakdown. Something would bother him, a week goes by and he starts shutting down, then fucking boom a relapse. Always in that order, you could tell when something was wrong now but still I couldn't help him, he would lie. And that son of a bitch is a great liar, best and worst trait of him. He left, he was gone again, no point in chasing him 'cause he was already gonna be far gone by the time I could collect myself. This was a new coping skill for him, never did it before, I could handle the alcohol, the ED was harder but manageable, but this? Seeing him drag it across his wrists, so deeply. It just hurt. I couldn't imagine how he felt, but I also felt horrible, I wanted to scream at him, punch him, hug him. Give him the love he deserves, love he doesn't have. But he couldn't accept anything, he would flinch anytime I hugged him, if I complimented him he would just look confused? Of course he called me pretty, stunning, love of his life. But if I say anything like that to me he gives me a weird look.

Holding that dull blade.

#leon kennedy #re4 remake #leon resident evil #leon kennedy re4 #re4 leon #leon s kennedy #leon angst #light angst #angst #sad headcanon #angst fic #leon x you #leon x reader #y/n #resident evil 4 #resident evil #re4 #sub leon kennedy

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russosafehaven · 1 year

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Setbacks

Pairing: Scarred!Billy Russo x Fem!Reader

Content: SH relapse, PTSD, Flashbacks, Victim Blaming, General heavy stuff

POV: Second

BR Taglist: @judig92 @snowkestrel

Walking through the streets of New York with your mother was a usual weekend hobby. Still living at home due to your mental health it was worth it. That was until one day you spotted one of your abuser’s in public, the daughter of your mums ex-boyfriend. Panic seethed through your body and you froze up. After going back into the store to search for the woman you’d gone ahead of you found her. Acting as if everything was fine and normal.

When she’d paid for her stuff and walked out she spotted the abuser. You seized up and you could feel your muscles constricting around you. Forcing your feet to move you stayed alongside your mother, she chatted with her for a few minutes before you both continued.

“Y/N-“

Fastening your pace you muttered out that you didn’t want to talk about it. Practically hearing your mother rolling her eyes you wanted to cry. Just get away from her and cut your feelings out.

“She was a victim too”

That was the final bomb and you sprinted off through the streets of New York. You had no idea where you were as you weren’t typically around these parts. So you kept running until you found an abandoned warehouse. You hadn’t properly taken in your surroundings, intent on fishing the blade from your phone case. When you finally pulled the flimsy piece of metal out you pressed it down. Dragging through the skin in quick slices. The crimson liquid dripped onto the floor, echoing against the large space. Salty tears fell into the open wounds making you scream out in agony.

When you were satisfied with the work you’d done you wiped the blade on your jeans before stuffing it back in the case. It had been a few months since you last cut, a notion you were rather proud of. However your mother not acknowledging that you were a victim of her abuse set you off.

“What’s a little girl like you doing here?”

You whipped around, not hearing any footsteps that indicated another person. The figure was tall and had a white mask covering his features. It was decorated with black cracks as well as small blue and red patches. You didn’t scream, you couldn’t even if you wanted to.

“Please don’t kill me…”

You whimpered out, choosing to ignore the fact you had mutilated your arm moments before. The figure walked over to you, kneeling down and looking at your arm. From their hoodie pocket they pulled some medical supplies. Bandaids, gauze, bandages, disinfectant and cotton pads.

“This is gonna sting a little”

The person muttered out. Opening the disinfectant and soaking a cotton pad with it. Next they grabbed your arm, pulling it towards them and dabbing the liquid soaked cotton onto the wounds. Once again no matter the pain and fear, you didn’t scream. You couldn’t, no one would hear you anyways. You decided to bite down on your lip instead. Pressing your teeth into the dry flesh until blood started leaking. The person continued disinfecting your wounds. Once they were done they put bandaids on them, then gauze and finishing by wrapping your arms up in bandages.

“What’s a pretty mess like you doing in these parts?”

Your voice was stuck in your throat and you couldn’t answer. Logically you should’ve, it might’ve helped stop them from killing you. Although something told you that wasn’t their endgame. Instead you just shook your head.

“Can’t talk? Fuck alright”

They stood up for a few short moments, stretching out their back before kneeling back down to life you up. They carried you like a helpless damsel to a ratty old couch in another part of the warehouse.

“I know it sucks, but it’s better than the floor princess”

They pulled the mask off to reveal a handsome face covered in scars. You smiled lightly, he had skin like yours. Gingerly you reach a hand out to his face. You went to touch him but hesitated, fearing what the man may do you. Instead he just pulled your hand the rest of the way towards him.

“I know I ain’t as pretty as I used to be, names Billy”

Quietly you muttered out your name, voice hoarse from crying. Billy must’ve recognised this because he jumped up and fetched a glass of water. You went to take it from him but he pushed your hand away. Putting the drink to your lips himself.

“Don’t need you opening those”

Taking a sip of the water you felt replenished. You whispered a small thank you and he smiled. It was a huge setback you’d just put yourself through but this handsome scarred stranger helped like it was nothing. It made you want to know more, what was he like before his scars?

#billy russo #billy russo imagine #billy russo x reader #ben barnes #the punisher imagine #billy russo fluff #the punisher #x reader #billy russo angst #billy russo x yn #billy russo comfort #billy russo needs to comfort me right now

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rebouks · 1 year

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Previous | Next

Transcript:

Skyler: How do you feel about returning to normality? Oscar: Erm.. I’m not sure. I’m looking forward to it, obviously; I just hope no one makes a fuss. It’s embarrassing, being the centre of attention, being praised. I wish I had my own place in the arse end of nowhere.

Skyler: We need to face what makes us uncomfortable sometimes. We can’t avoid reality forever. It’s important to continue working with your assigned therapist; they’ll help you understand what your triggers are, which ones to avoid, and which ones require some healthier coping mechanisms. What do you imagine being the biggest hurdle?

Oscar: [scoff laughs] Among other things.. familial distress? Skyler: Do you feel resentful when you think about your family, your parents? Oscar: [sighs] I gave up that grudge a while ago… I’m starting to think half of it was in my head.

Skyler: That doesn’t make it any less real. It’s okay to ask for what you need from them, even if it’s just some space. Oscar: I’ll try to remember that. Skyler: You can always return if you find yourself struggling, but I have a feeling you’ll manage.

…

Amy: Aren’t you nervous? Oscar: Not really. Tristen: The last time I left, I relapsed within a day; this ain’t my first rodeo.

Amy: Triss! He doesn’t need to hear that. Tristen: You just gotta steer clear of any bad influences.. your mates n’ stuff, y’know? Oscar: I don’t really have anyone like that in my life… I’m the bad influence.

Amy: Well, you can’t exactly avoid yourself. Tristen: Eh, they must think you’re doing okay if they’re letting you leave. Oscar: Technically, we can leave whenever we want.

Amy: Ugh, I wish I could stay here forever. I just know I’m gonna fuck up. Tristen: [snorts] That’s part of the process. Oscar: Don’t you want to go home?

Amy: [scoffs] No. I’d rather go back to the shelter-.. ooh, we should rent a place between us n’ live together! Tristen: Uhm.. no offence to Oscar, but I don’t fancy living with his screaming brat. Oscar: [tuts] He’s not gonna be a brat.

Amy: You sure you don’t need a nanny? You’re gonna be sleep deprived. Oscar: Hah! I’m used to that. Tristen: I hate to break it to you, but I don’t think he’s interested. Besides, you’ve got a ten-bedroom mansion waiting for you.

Amy: More like a prison. Oscar: Thanks for the offer, though I’m pretty sure I’ll cope. Tristen: How aren’t you shitting a brick? A whole ass being is gonna be dependent on you for years.

Oscar: I’m excited more than anything. Amy: Awh, that’s sweet. At least you have something to look forward to. Tristen: Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

Oscar: You’re leaving soon though, right? Tristen: Yeah! I think I’m gonna find a new place first, I need a fresh start. Dominik: C’mon guys, you know the drill. Lights out in ten.

#somnium #sims 4 #storytelling #ts4 story #sims story #simblr #oscar finch #skyler forbes #amy crowder #tristen burks #dominik camacho #twaddiction #twrehab

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blackstarchanx3new · 10 months

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FSR rambles PT

PART. 3 BABY OF BEING CRINGY ABOUT MY OWN AU

LET'S GOOOOOO (Big send of too this chapter, holy shit)

Lol so like: One thing I didn't wanna do was suppress how much Zelda meant to Shadow Link's character arc for the sake of Vidow "Working".

Shadow Link does love Zelda FYI our mans is Bi. Idk if you noticed...but this whole comic is just polycule central there's no shipping wars, you can ship everyone basically. X'D

Zelda was a huge role in Shadow Link's character development to being a good boy, so it's only natural he's attached to her. (This will also be shown in the next chapter...Hehe)

Also the way his emotions around Vio are so charged that the best way he can put it to words is Vio is "Really cool" is like, so dumbly sweet. Bro can't properly even word how much he adores this man.

Shadow Link has made it no secret he wants to be buds with Vio for reals this time, and he's also 100% not interested in helping Gannon. So...There really ISN'T a reason Vio and him should have the same issues Vio was worried about. Thus, he tries to sooth Vio's fears.

*cough cough cough* gay. Shadow Link's so anxious about asking.

Lol so I got a "Writing rule" for Vio...He ain't gonna cry till I crack him completely like an egg. X'D He will get very close tho: Like this moment.

The way I put blush on the nose area specifically indicates someone's like, close to crying or is crying. I just like this face particularly because there's so much shit going on in that head of his.

The start of the hug is so damn awkward (Intentionally so)

These panels mean so much to meeeeeeee-

Everything about em

The hug, Vio's so close his face is squished (He's so adorable.)

Shadow Link doesn't immediately hug him back he's stunned.

Hehehehe. Vidow go brrrrr..

This entire page is just: PAIN.

Shadow breaks the hug to show him the book.

The wording leaves it so ya can't help but think he hoped the introducing of their friendship would change Vio's mind about being Link again...That his words earlier were just mad ramblings and not how he actually felt. But with a clear head Vio verbally says he still wants to be Link again.

Lmao bro tries not to crack again aaaaand fails.

The book is one about healing magic...What kinds are in there I wonder. ;) A refrence...to a past Selda game mayhaps?~

Also this frame of Shadow Link full blown ugly crying while pretending to be fine is so hilarious to me idk if it comes off as sad or funny but it's kinda both to me. X'D

Mans is crying for him and Vio at this point.

Vio putting the book down in favor of comforting Shadow Link is just kinda one of those things that like, if he had ignored Shadow Link the reader would have noticed, but him being like, decent is smth that isn't nearly as "noticeable" (Like, ya typically notice a character being shitty WAY MORE than you notice all the subtle things they do that are just, kind.)

Also Shadow still wants to be helpful even though he's like, sobbing his eyes out. X'D

He also tries to hide from Vio lmao. Vio saw the water works bro.

Quite a few things:

Shadow's still toxic, just a little. X'D He WANTS Vio around, he misses him like crazy and does not want him to leave, AT ALL. This is very obvious lmao.

But he's also at the point where he knows he can do better than just screaming and throwing tantrums like he did as a kid. But his true feelings about how betrayed he feels Vio still wants to be Link are STILL THERE. Even if he chooses to try and hide them.

Also funny detail: Vio blushing was a lowkey gag because of the whole "They're both attracted to red flags" joke.

You could also take it as him being scared shitless, which he IS.

While he can't take back snapping at Vio, he certainly realizes his mistake very quickly and apologizes. So that's SOMETHING at least. (Considering the type of person he was before, a relapse or two is expected lmao.) I think him still having a certain level of anger management issues makes his character overall more interesting.

I like to think the only reason Vio gave him any patience for that, was because Shadow Link has been nothing but patient and there for him all night and he knows Shadow is emotional as fuck.

As Vio gave him shit for the fight with Blue earlier showed, Vio doesn't tolerate Shadow's crap when he's just being a violent shithead.

Hahaha. Remember when Link outright stated Vio wanted to be Vio and not Link. :) Link sure is a way more reliable narrator than...idk...The guy who lies...

*Whispers gently into your ear* Vio's not being very truthful here...

Notice: He only. ONLY brings up "Logical" reason...not his actual FEELINGS on the matter... He SAYS "I don't want to be Vio"

WHY. WHY!? TELL US WHY VIO!!!

He does have a reason but he's not tellin' lmao.

So, in the book it's not really...SPECIFIED where Shadow Link came from? Like I think all it says is "Gannon drew him out of the dark mirror"

...THAT IS SO UP FOR INTERPRETATION AND BRINGS UP SO MANY QUESTIONS:

Did he have a life in the dark world and was just, TOLD to do Gannon's bidding? His line of "I'm your living reflection in the dark world" MAYBE supports this idea...??? KINDA?

But my issue with that is: Shadow Link gives NO indication he has had a past in the dark world, like...at all. Nothing. No mention of family (Which...Reasonably wouldn't he have a dark version of Link's father???) He's the ONLY PERSON who's implied to be FROM the dark world. Also...The dark mirror isn't REALLY implied to be a PORTAL... The seal on Vaati and his demons was, but Shadow Link wasn't freed from that, Gannon "Drew him from the dark mirror" to release Vaati...So uh...HMMMM His also distinct lack of his OWN name kinda makes me go ???? Like...His NAME is Shadow Link...Like that's not a nickname. That's his NAME. (Like this just weirds me out because of a cannon "Reflection" of Link: in Ravio. Who like...HAS HIS OWN NAME???? ik Ravio isn't from the "Dark world", he's from Lowrule, but point still stands this is odd.)

Suffice to say, there's just not enough info here to draw a conclusion for me? So I gotta make shit up. X'D Shadow Link was created out of Link's Shadow by Gannon in FSR. This is also the reason he resembles a Gerudo male. Cause Gannon said "Mm yes, my evil Link sona will have my heritage. UwU"

Shadow link realizing he almost made Vio cry is so funny to me.

Vio looks so fucking pathetic there. lmfao.

Shadow's words only hit again like Link has stated: Shadow knows Vio

Whether intentionally or not: what he says hits Vio like a ton of bolders.

He's very hesitant to keep talking though because he doesn't want to hurt Vio either.

It's like, he's AWARE he's telling Vio this shit because he WANTS him to stay, but you also can't deny Shadow's at least CORRECT in a lot of his statements. How far should he push that though? Hmm.

His "Oh my god you're an idiot" face is hilarious. Shadow's like "You still don't get what I'm laying down dude??? REALLY!?"

*Explodes*

Lmao. That panel before they kiss is basically my favorite in the entire comic rn. X'D

Shadow pulling away and squishing Vio's face is also a favorite. Vio's just cute and squishable.

Vio stating the obvious: That his mental breakdown wasn't Shadow's fault. (Wasn't really anybody's fault it was inevitable, especially with the curse/Dark Link active)

Lmao. Vio's kinda dumb as bricks sometimes too. X'D

Shadow Link's fucking deadpan stare while Vio rants is so hilarious to me. Also the direct quoting of Vio instead of paraphrasing making his statement sound even more stupid.

Also fun dialogue thing: You'll notice the characters stutter or like, pause weirdly, Because I like writing dialogue a little more realistic. Like Shadow Starts off as "I-was" instead of like "W-was" like he thought of saying smth completely different at first or his mouth moved before his brain did. X'D

Their banter is fun, Vio's his sassy self. Shadow giving him all the kisses we desired...

Okay ngl this page hurts me X'D Like. Ouch. All of it hurts.

Because of how Link kinda abandoned Shadow Link (Even though he was always there) Shadow is OBVIOUSLY very hesitant to let go. It's super obvious Vio doesn't wanna let go either.

Also Vio kissing him back surprises Shadow. X'D He's still bamboozled Vio is receptive to his affection oof... (Would like to show him getting more comfy with it as the comic goes on like "Holy shit, nah he's not playing around with me he fr-")

They mean so much to each other. QuQ

Okay to make you laugh in these very serious panels: Because Shadow's floating Vio's standing on his tip toes.

On that note, can't wait to see yall for the next chapter, whenever I get around to it. X'D

#Four Swords returns #FSR rambles #loz fsr au #fsr au #LOZ AU #four swords adventures #four swords manga #shadow link #Vio Link #Vio #Vidow

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grungekitty-77 · 5 months

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Blood // Water by Grandson

This one got longer. I hope it's decent. It is my first ever ROTTMNT fic.

TW: vomit

Oh right! @erriots

Raph had lost his lunch, and Leo was barely refraining from following him.

"Dad..." Mikey said in heartbreak.

Donnie was gripping his staff hard enough to feel his knuckles grinding. He was furious not just for himself, but on his little brother's behalf. After how far Mikey had gone to redeem him; he turns around and begins to commit atrocities again!

"That conniving, deceitful, traitorous.…"

Donnie struggled for the word he wanted to use. Nothing felt strong enough. His immense vocabulary wasn't quite enough to cover his feelings. He had to settle for a subpar word and hoping yelling it loud enough could make up the difference.

"JERK!"

It didn’t make up the difference.

Mikey whimpered next to him.

"I hate to say it, but I told you guys. He dropped me off a roof." Leo yelled, trying to channel his hurt into any other emotion within reach and landing on anger.

He was aiming for humor, but he was flexible with where he landed.

"But....he changed. He was family" Mikey said

Raph wiped his face clean and reached over to rub his youngest brother's shell.

"You did your best, Bro. Sometimes bad people just wanna be bad. You can love em all you want, but it's not always gonna be enough."

The sound of a metal door scraping against tile made them all turn to see the traitor of the hour step into the lab. Still wearing his uniform, hair net and all.

"Oh. Hello boys. I didn't expect to see you here." he said cheerfully.

As if nothing was horribly, gut twistingly, wrong. As if there weren't suffering human test subjects in states that could be argued as worse than death gasping for oxygen in tubes lined against the wall.

"A bunch of brand new mutants starting causing trouble all over New York. We tracked them back to this place. And weren't we surprised to see whose name was on the wall." Raph said, angrily pointing to said plaque.

Because of course he had to put his name on it.

"I figured you'd find this place eventually." Baron said as he casually changed out of his work clothes.

He threw a lab coat on, which looked ridiculous with the hair net he forgot. Nobody was in the mood to tell him.

"Now that you're here, you can help me." he said, walking past them to the table.

"Help you!?" Leo yelled, still settling for anger while his humor took its vacation.

Mikey started to hope Barron was about to ask for help with his apparent relapse. Mikey could do that. He could support the stuffing out of his dad until he got his dark impulses under control again. He helped him once and he could do it again. He would do it again. Anything to bring his family together again.

But before he could explain any of that, Baron spoke again.

"We can take the time to locate much more suitable subjects with you four helping. It will be so much more efficient than allowing the oozqitos to infect at random. We'll have a suitable army in no time." he explained.

He wasn't even looking at them while he spoke. He was mixing chemicals and working on his project like it was nothing more than a birdhouse.

"Hold up!" Raph yelled, throwing his hands in the air "I think we need to rewind a little bit. Because there is no way we are helping you mutate people!"

He ended his words with a soft growl.

Baron finally started to look concerned.

"What are you talking about? With this new Earth Protection Squad after us, it only stands to reason that we take necessary measures to insure our victory." Barron said sternly, straightening his back like he was giving a lecture.

All four turtles stared at him in every shade from disgust to shock.

"ON WHAT PLANET DOES THAT MEAN MUTATING INNOCENT CIVILIANS!?!?" Mikey screamed, gesturing wildly.

Baron's eyes got cold.

"On this one. And the humans are by no means 'innocent'. They are the ones hunting us!"

"A select group of humans is hunting us. Not the entire species!" Donnie corrected him "And did you forget that we have human friends!? Are you suggesting April is culpable in the EPS?"

"Of course not! O'Neil is one of the good ones." Baron said dismissively.

"'One of the-'!??!?!... Did you really just say that!?" Leo yelled, hardly believing he heard such an old racist line from Baron.

"This is a nightmare." Mikey whispered.

"I'll admit, I didn't foresee this...hostility from you." Baron said, stepping forward. "I am only taking measures to ensure our survival."

"Draxy, you have officially been demoted from 'Dad' to 'Racist Uncle'." Leo snarked. "Keep going and you're getting uninvited to Thanksgiving!"

His humor returned! He had missed it.

Baron shook his head and began closing the distance between him and his sons.

"You are being blind! We must be proactive if we are to-”

He stopped suddenly, his face screwing up in confusion and disgust. He slowly looked down until he saw what he had stepped in.

“What is this?” he asked in a careful tone.

Leo saw an opportunity for sass and took it.

“Oh that? Funny story actually. You see when we saw what you had been doing down here, we were so disgusted Raph tossed his cookies like he was trying to go pro!”

Huh. That came out more angry again. It was a weird day for Leo.

“I see…” Baron said.

He was standing in a puddle of vomit, wearing a hair net and lab coat, and his sons were glaring at him like he was a threat to them. He felt safe counting it as a new low.

What was there to say?

“I only wanted to protect you.” he said quietly.

“With protection like this, who needs danger!?” Leo bitterly laughed.

Oh, so the humor was back again.

Raph was shaking his head.

“This….none of this is right.” he said.

Baron seemed to shrink.

There was silence. A long stretch of nothing charged with tension and regret. Regret for actions taken. Regret for compassion extended. Enough regret to choke on, and if that didn’t do it the silence would finished the job.

Before any of them could snap from the stress, Baron spoke

“What can I do?”

Donnie shook his head and sighed.

“I’m not sure what you could possible do that wouldn’t just make everything worse.”

Mikey let out a frustrated moan.

“This sucks!” he shouted.

Everyone agreed.

I had fun. At the end of the day, that was my primary goal. Second was to make someone happy. Third was to stretch my writing a little.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #tw vomit #writing #fic #rottmnt fic #i'll figure out some kind of tag system eventually #till then #¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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what-if-i-just-did · 6 months

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(Ok I know I still have like three or four things I SHOULD be working on, but it's Destiel Day so I just had to celebrate)

Taglist: @ldthegreen @violettavirus

Trigger Warnings: Severe grief, self-harm in the form of wrecklessness, cutting, alchoholism and refusal to numb pain, mentions of death wish, mentions of drowning, relapsing, not speaking/eating/performing personal hygiene as result of grief

"You're home."

"Cas.. Cas Cas!!!"

Three years. Three goddamn years.

"Castiel, where are you!!"

The first.. month or so, was the easiest. It shouldn't have been, but he was still numb. He was hopeless, borderline suicidal, but he was numb.

"Cas, You fucking bastard!"

One night, he just broke, and all the memories he'd been repressing flowed back and drowned him. Every single word Cas had said. God, how could he have been that wrong? About.. about everything... That night, Sam found him trying to drown in Jack Daniels. Drunk, and crying, but Sam pushed and he finally got the story.

"Come back here! I need you!!"

Dean spent the better part of the next half year in his room, in a bottle, spiralling. The drinking got worse at first, and then it got less. He didn't get it, because despite rarely drinking anymore, he still felt worse and worse and worse. Then he realised he was just punishing himself by not getting numb, by making himself feel. He stopped drinking. Cas deserved that much.

"You were wrong Cas! You were so goddamn wrong!"

He wasn't eating, or talking, or taking care of himself. He hadn't realised that until he walked past a mirror one day and saw his hair was long and he had a beard. He didn't like it. He cut it himself, and if one accidental nick during shaving developed into a concious habit, then. Well, that was between him and his God, right?

"I fucking need you! I can't do this shit without you!"

Sam tried to help, of course. Tried to get him to eat or talk or stop drinking. Dean barely noticed anymore. He hadn't even realised that he hadn't spoken in a year, hadn't eaten in five days. His mind was mostly blank and foggy, even without the drink. There was a huge sinking, heavy hole in his chest that never left. He was tired all the time, regardless of how much he slept. He didn't keep track of time, barely even knew if it was day or night.

"Cas!!! Come back!"

At some point, cutting and not drinking wasn't punishment enough. He hadn't had a bruise, or a fight, or a broken bone, in one and a half years. He started hunting again, wrecklessly. Sam was worried but he couldn't care. He just wanted it to be over- he'd have killed himself if that wouldn't be the worst betrayal he could possibly do unto Cas.

How could Cas possibly have thought he could do this alone?

"You fucking assbutt, you come back here!"

So he got angry. He got into fights. He got hurt. He yelled, and screamed, and raged, and never said a word about the only thing he was thinking of. He got angry at Cas for leaving, for thinking he wasn't loved, for saying that and then dying, for making Dean live with the weight of those words on his shoulders.

"Don't you fucking get it, you were wrong!!!!"

He got angry untill he couldn't anymore. Until he fell, until he broke again, until he cried again. Until he drank again, cut too deep, locked his door again. Until he just wanted to end it, and couldn't.

"Cas!!!!!"

Until Sam decided, enough was enough. Until he made Dean realise that, Cas was a Winchester. If they wanted him back, they were gonna get him back. So, Dean Winchester had hope again. He had determination. So he ate, and he showered, and he drank water, and he researched. And if he couldn't shake the cutting, then, at least he did it way less and way safer. And if he still barely spoke, then, at least his ASL was making large progress.

"Come back", and his voice breaks.

Sam still went on hunts. Sam was together with Eileen, and now that Sam saw his brother doing better, Sam would leave for longer periods of time. Dean found some real estate websites open on his laptop one day, and he was glad Sammy was finally getting more of the life he deserved. And maybe.. when he got Cas back.. maybe they could have that, too.

"Come. Back!!!!!! Dammit!"

Finally, they found something. Three years. Three goddamn years, and they found something. So they got what they needed, called in some favours, did the spell. Exept, Dean had no idea how to find Cas now that he was in the Empty. So he just started yelling. And yelling, and yelling, and eventually something was going to wake up. And if it wasn't Cas, he could deal with that.

"Cas- !!! Cas!?"

He ran. He ran, and he ran, and it seemed like he was running for days or seconds or hours but then he fell to his knees by his angel's side and the first touches of his finger tips to Castiel's coat and hair felt so electric and a dozen times better than any other sensation he had ever known.

"Dean?" Cas asked, groggily, confused.

Dean gripped his coat, his head, lifted Cas so they were eye-level. "Cas."

"What are you- Wh- How-"

"Cas, shut up" He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against Cas's. Breathed in his scent and it was enough to have him on the verge of tears. It was Cas, it was Cas, it was Cas and he was okay and alive, almost, and breathing and here and okay. "You're an idiot. A- You- You just.. it's my turn, okay?" He opened his eyes again, saw Cas nod.

"You fucking dumbass, I love you too." He said, and it was like his heart broke again but this time there was hope, there was promise.

"Dean?"

Dean smiled, exhasperatedly, huffing out a breath, and leaned forwards a little. Not a lot. Just enough to touch their lips.

The way Cas responded, you'd have thought he was receiving something holy, a lost man in the desert finding water. A drowning man finding air. So that's how Dean kissed back- like he needed, he wanted, he loved. Because he did, he did, he did and he had Cas back now.

"We're good, we're good, we're good... we're getting out of here, Cas, we're going home. You're home."

#spn #dean winchester #destiel #supernatural #castiel #deancas #casdean #sam winchester #fanfiction #nov 5th #tw grief #major character undeath

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acewithapaintbrush · 1 year

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Hey :)

For the Valentine prompt maybe this one?

♡ “you didn’t have to go to all this effort just for me.”₁ “that’s why i did it. for you.”₂

Screams for Reigen and Serizawa to me :D! I Love them uwu and your FanFiction!

*hugs*

Takes place early season 3

☔☔☔☔☔☔☔☔☔☔☔

Serizawa knows it's stupid.

No, not stupid. We don't call ourselves stupid, not even in our own head. Reigen's rule #14.

It's… illogical. Okay, so maybe that's not much better than stupid, but Reigen-san has not made a rule about that (yet), so Serizawa is gonna stick with it. Illogical.

He has just left the Spirits and Such consultation office and is now standing in the doorway of the building, unwilling to take another step.

The rain is coming down hard. The day had started out sunny, not a cloud in sight. No one could have predicted this, not even an esper and especially not the useless weather report.

("Never trust the weather report, Reigen's rule #67")

The sky, previously a deep and calming blue, is dark now. Black clouds hang in the air, oppressive and heavy. Not even ten seconds in this downpour and Serizawa will be drenched to the bone.

He sighs. Steps from foot to foot. He really should get going, it won't get any better than this. What he really should do first, is go upstairs and take the emergency umbrella.

And that's exactly where he finds himself frozen.

He doesn't want to do that. He doesn't want to walk up those stairs and get the umbrella and walk down again and open it up and-

A shiver runs down his spine. Just the thought of standing under an opened umbrella alone and holding it by himself makes him want to bite at his nails until they are bloody.

(He won't, because of rule #2, "We never hurt ourselves").

It feels like defeat. It feels like temptation. It feels like running away. He has spent so long under an umbrella, shielding himself from everyone and everything, that he is not sure he won't relapse the first chance he'll get. Life is so much better now. So much more colorful and louder and brighter. There are people who like having him around and who he likes having around. There are things he looks forward to now that aren't just sitting by himself, hiding away.

The thought of him opening an umbrella and locking all of that out again, maybe even by mistake or just because he is too weak to fight it, makes his skin crawl.

If Reigen-san were still here, he could have waited and gone home with him. Sharing an umbrella is okay as long as Serizawa doesn't have to hold it himself.

Sharing an umbrella with Reigen-san is more than okay.

But the man had to leave early and he trusted Serizawa to close the office today, which makes the esper immensely proud.

Serizawa is alone with his illogical fear.

For a second he contemplates going back upstairs and just waiting the rain out, but it doesn't look like it will stop anytime soon and it's already late. And rule #54 is to never sleep in the office if not absolutely necessary. Something about work life balance, whatever that means. This work is Serizawa's life, no matter how pathetic that sounds.

He is still wondering if this might count as 'absolutely necessary' when he sees someone jogging up to him through the rain.

"Serizawa!" Reigen calls. The man is running through puddles with big splashes, leaving his trousers wet at the shins. He holds a large umbrella over his head, but his hair is still a bit wet because it's also windy out there. When he stops in front of Serizawa he is breathing hard. "Good! You haven't left yet."

"Reigen-san! Why are you here? Did you forget something?"

Reigen waves his concern off. "Nah. I just thought you could use a bit of company." At Serizawa's nonplussed stare, he averts his eyes and runs a hand through his damp hair. "I know how much you don't like using an umbrella by yourself. What's up with this weather, anyway? I told you, you can not trust the weather report."

Serizawa feels like crying. "You came back to share an umbrella with me?"

"Oi oi, that makes it sound so…" Reigen stops and gets a red flush on his cheeks. Serizawa hopes he hasn't caught a cold. "Yeah I guess I did."

"You didn't have to go to all this effort for me."

"That's why I did it." Reigen says and holds out the umbrella so it covers both of them "For you."

Serizawa feels so many emotions, all of them good. He thinks that not even an umbrella could smother them all.

They start walking and even though both of them get a bit wet, it's the most wonderful walk home Serizawa has had in a long time. He still feels the need to apologize.

"I know it is stu-, I mean, illogical."

Reigen hums, but he doesn't make up a new rule so it's apparently okay. "I wouldn't say illogical and even if, we are all illogical from time to time, aren't we? You are in good company."

"I still feel like I should have a handle on this by now."

"Maybe." Reigen concedes. Before Serizawa can feel too defeated, Reigen clasps his shoulder and smiles at him. "But you can take your time. Recovery isn't linear and there is no need to rush. You'll get there in the end and until then remember great Reigen-sama's rule #1!"

Serizawa smiles. "Sometimes it's alright to run away."

They bump shoulders. Maybe it's not so much defeat as it is growth and acknowledgement, Serizawa admits.

He looks forward to growing even more with Reigen-san by his side. And one day, he will be the one holding the umbrella over their heads.

#mob pyscho #mob psycho serizawa #mob psycho 100 #mob psycho reigen #reigen arataka #arataka reigen #serizawa katsuya #mp100 s3 #Mp100 Reigen #mp100 serizawa #serirei #mp100 serirei #mob psycho 100 serirei #Hope you like it!!!

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4n4q · 7 months

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i am finally back:) its been a while haha. im gonna (trauma?) dump a bit here so if you dont wanna read it then dont read it this is mostly for me.

tw - dr^gz, p1llz, 3at1ng d1s0rd3r, n3gl3ct

so i just logged back into this acc and the last time i posted was the day before i had to leave my dad bc of his relapse.

my dad was pretty much neglecting me and my brother and he was barely home, which was great for my ed but not really for anything else. i also wasnt going to school and over all i was in a pretty bad place. then he and his girlfriend took a bunch of drugs and it was just chaos. i had to take care of me, my dads girlfriends daughter and the dog while my dad and his gf were out doing god knows what and the house was a mess and the dog wouldnt stop barking bc she was scared. it was bad for a couple of months but it was like suuuuper bad the last three days. the night before me and his gfs daughter stayed up until like 4 am trying to get the dog to stop barking and my dad came home a couple times totally out of his mind on drugs and he did a bunch of weird things like putting food in the oven and the forgetting he did that and then saying he already made food and then naming the food he made like four days before that. when we finally got to go to sleep my dad and his gf still werent home and we had no idea where they were. the morning after i got woken up at 5 am by a call from my dads gf and she asked me to throw down the keys bc they didnt have any (my dad had already taken my keys and his own keys bc he had forgotten where he put them the night before) so i got out of bed to do so but then they called again and said they got let in. they went into our apatment and his gf was screaming and saying a bunch of stuff abt my dad being a junkie and she was saying that she didnt care if the kids woke up and that he stole her meds. then she told her daughter (who was now awake obvi) that they were going to leave and that she had to pack her things. she then proceeded to take all the pills in our house and dump them out on the floor in our apartment and in the hallway. she screamed a bunch more and then she left (i was in my room so im not sure) and so i called my mom and i didnt have any rides on my busscard and my card was conected to my dads account so he was the only one who could put money on it so i had to meet up with a family friend who lived nearby to be able to go to my moms. i started packing my clothes and then me and my brother left. we couldnt take my dads gfs daughter with us cuz she had a foster home where she lived and yea (her mom didnt have custody over her she was just visiting cuz her mom got like phsyco mad if she told her she didnt wanna see her anymore). after i got home i later got to know that my dad had driven his gfs daughter to the place she lived at (yes while he was still on drugs) and he had forgotten abt the dog but then my mom called and reminded him so he went home and like gave it food and stuff. then his gf got back and got mad at him for driving her child to her home so she made him drive her there and she beat up the mom who was taking care of her child. she then went to the police and told them she had been robbed. (the kid is living with her 20 smt sister now and her mom is not allowed to see her so yeah shes okay now)

i later also found out that one of them had switched my adhd meds for something else and they dont remmember anything so were not sure who or with what.

so yeah that was my trauma dump! im okay now so yea i just wanted to rant a bit ig? im not living w my dad anymore and my mom is really amazing:) but im back on my ana bullshit now! and the only downside abt living w my mom is that she actually cares lol

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inertflouride · 2 years

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Turmoils Of You- Part 10

I am desperately trying to end his fic as soon as I can, while also being completely clueless as to how should I end it. Any suggestions are most welcome in messages. Thank you.

Maybe three Xanax isn't a good idea. But it's okay. It's just Phil.

Just Phil.

"You'll stay right below my thumb until everything. Understood?"

Yeah right, 'just Phil.'

When I heard him say this, I felt like someone gut punched me like, but ugh, I can't concentrate, can't focus on anything. Even more now that the Xanny in my bloodstream has kicked in.

I feel my breathing shallow, my mind go blur and a fog appears before my eyes. In the beginning, it felt like Euphoria. The highs were high and the lows, fuck, I don't want to think about that right now.

I don't feel ashamed today. I relapsed for reasons that are justifiable. Anyone in my shoes would have done it. Plus it's not like I'm an addict. I was an addict.

"Once an addict, always an addict."

Yeah whatever. That's a load of bullshit.

Right?

Okay no. Something's not right. This doesn't feel like Euphoria anymore. I can't- my breathing is too shallow. I try taking in as much deep breaths as I can but to no avail. I put my hand over Phil's arm which makes him look at me.

"Oh you've got to be fucking kidding me!", he screeches to a halt and holds my arms with his two hands, rubbing over them to warm me. "You're ice cold, shit. Can you breathe? Just nod yes or no", he directs me, concern rooting in his eyes. I barely shake my head and continue trying to take in deep breaths, gasping in the process. Phil puts a timer for 1 minute and presses two of his fingers on my neck, trying to check my pulse.

"52?! Oh hell me? Now that you took whatever drugs you did, please tell me you have Adderall on you", he expectantly looks at me and groans, "Of course you don't!"

He takes out a box of cigarette and opens it to take out a tablet. "Come on, open your mouth". I do as he says and he pops a pill on my tongue and makes me drink water. "Now we wait."

He brings my body closer to his and rubs my arms to warm me up, occasionally taking my hands in his and rubbing them. He doesn't appear pissed off right now. It's as if all this isn't new to him. God, who are you, Phillip Hawkins? He makes me want to know more about him, more or less like a moth to a flame.

"Colville never felt this far, ever", Phil groans, rubbing his eyes from fatigue over... everything that has happpened.

Also, I think my lungs are okay now, I can breathe just fine. Speak just fine. "Indeed it hasn't", I reply back to his previous comments like nothing happened.

"Really? What is wrong with you? You're just gonna behave like what just went down, Didn't?", he sneers at me, his nostrils flaring with anger. I just shrug at him and he cusses in utter disbelief, looking just done with my shit.

I wouldn't blame him. I'd be too.

"You can't be mad at me. I'm going through a lot right now."

"And drugs aren't a solution for that", he hisses at me, speaking while barely opening his mouth.

"You don't know that!", I scream at him, done with his judgmental attitude. "I didn't give you a seat in here so you can fry my fucking brain you know".

"Yeah right. Maybe you'd have died here alone, getting high on whatever shit you took or maybe having a seizure who knows. Hacker guy would be so proud of you right?"

Anger flares through me but I find myself shutting up. What can I say? I can't say anything for fucks sake. So, all I do is huff and look outside the window.

xxx

After what feels like eternity, we reach Colville. All that time, we didn't speak much to each other. Or 'At all'. I start looking for an Airbnb as we enter the city. It's dawn now. It's a new day.

Without Jake.

"Where are you planning to stay?", Phil breaks the eternally long silence in the car, looking briefly towards me.

"Probably an Airbnb I don't know. You are staying with Angela right?", I answer him though not lifting my eyes from my phone. I need to find a lowkey Airbnb. For all we know, the FBI might come knocking at my door. I'd rather stay grounded for a few... for until Jake finds me.

"No. I don't want to burden Angie. She has already a lot going on with her life. An escapee in her household ain't the perfect holiday gift, right?", he quips back, scoffing at his own 'joke'.

"So then what? You're gonna stay on the road?"

"No. I'm staying with you. No, I don't want to hear anything. You can't be trusted with your own life. At all", he averts his gaze back to the road and starts heading for someplace. "I have a place to crash temporarily too so, zip it up".

"Oh hell the fuck no. I am not staying with you Phil Hawkins. I am definitely not sharing a roof with you, or even a building with you. Go screw yourself", I gush at him, trying to put my point across. I can not stay with Phil. That is so absurd, even absurder than- I don't know, Dan without a beard?

Phil lets out a laugh beside me, jerking me from my zoned-out self. I frown deeply at him, totally bewildered at the sudden explicit reaction. "What?"

"I guess you thought out loud. The 'dan without the beard' was funny, I'll give that to you", he giggles as he says, trying to stifle his laugh and failing miserably. Seeing him laugh evokes a little laugh from me as well and soon I join him in, rubbing my hand over my face as we both laugh out loud. "But in all due seriousness, I am staying with you. No if(s) and but(s)."

#duskwood #duskwood everbyte #duskwood fanfiction #duskwood jake #duskwood jake x player #duskwood mc #jake x mc #duskwood jake x mc #duskwood turmoils of you

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teenagedirt · 1 year

Text

Kissing in cars (11)

CHAPTER 11- I kissed the scars on her skin.

Warning!- mentions past selfharm. And the scars. Talks about past relapse. please skip this chapter if it will trigger you.

A/n I don't know if the word bunkroom is real or not but I'm using it so it doesn't matter. I know that the line "I missed the scars on her skin" isn't about selfharm but I wanted to kinda write this into this little short story. Because this is something I've struggled with, and I wanted to write something that would be comforting for me.

The next couple of weeks flew by. Tonight is the last show of the tour. "Hey,y/n I'm gonna go ahead and do sound check with Tony and Jaime, just come to the venue when your ready. I sigh quietly, and poke my head into the hallway.

"ALRIGHT" I shout back. I hear the bus door open and close. I continue to search for something to wear. The only thing I've found was shirts and a Tshirt. The shirt isnt the problem, its the shorts. They are quite short. Meaning they'll show my scars. My past isn't a secret, I've talked about them before on social media, but they are still one of my biggest insecurities. I sight looking in the mirror. They was no point in trying to cover them. "Shit" I say to myself. Knowing vic, he'll notice that there's a couple more scars than there were two years ago. He didn't take the time to notice when we slept together, he was focused on my lips, and other various parts of my body.

I roll my eyes and walk out of the bathroom. I grab my shies and slip them on. When I get my hightops on and comfortably tied, I grab my phone and walk out the door. I jog to the back entrance of the venue. "Hey y/n" tony says waving,I wave back and make my way to find Vic. I hear his voice so I follow the sound.

I find him on the phone so I wait for the call to be over. " Allright, bye mom. I love you too" he speaks into the phone. I smile at the sight.He turns around, he sees me and jumps back slightly. "Jeez I didn't know you were there" he says grabbing his heart in a dramatic fashion. He laughs at himself and walks over to me.

"You're so dramatic" I say. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me in for a quick kiss.

"You should come on stage tonight. During 'new national anthem'" I stand thinking about it.

"Alright" I say and he hugs me once again. I check the time. "The show starts in forty-five minutes" he nods. We sit on the edge of the stage, looking out into the arena. I notice Vic distracted and try to pull my shorts down as much as possible to cover as many scars as possible.

"Whats wrong baby?" He asks.I don't say anything I simply look down at my thighs. He looks as well. I hear a sigh, "there's no need to be insecure darling. I have scars too, a lot of people do. I nod and rest my head on his shoulder.

Around thirty minutes pass and the show is now starting. I walk off stage and wait like I always do. Except today while Vic is singing 'new national anthem' I'll be up there for everybody to see. My scars on full display.

They are almost finished with the set when Vic calls for me. I don't know why he wants me up here. He points at the place he wants me to sit so I quickly comply, I want to get it done and over with. He sings the majority looking st the fans, occasionally glancing at me. This quickly changes he walks right in front of me, squats down and grabs my hand. "And if I ever catch the one who hurt you. I'm hoping that God looks away this time."he sings to me. The fans scream and cheer, at this. I smile with warm tears coming down my face.

As he finishes the song he pulls me up, and wraps his arms around me and engulfs me in a tight hug. He pecks my cheek lightly and we walk off stage together, the others following.

"Hey Vic me and Jaime are going to go to a bar, you wanna come?"Tony asks after giving Vic a high-five. Vic sighs and shakes his head no.

"Nah man I'm tired, sorry" Tony nods and walks off with Jaime. We walk to the bus in comfortable silence. He opens the door, "after you" he says and I walk up the stairs into the bus. He follows and closes the door behind himself.

"Can we talk about what going on" I sigh and nod yes. He leads me to our bunkroom. He sits on the edge of the bed, so do I I turn and face him. "You used to say that your scars are proof that you've held on. What's changed" he asks. Tears bubble in my eyes. I don't know if I have the heart to admit to relapsing last year. "Well, I guess with all the things people tend to say it made me hate them. Hate how they made me look. Hate the way will forever be there. " I say tears slipping put of my eyes.

His eyes fill with tears, but he quickly blinks them away. "Your scars are beautiful, but let's not make more. You're perfect." I start to cry, so he pulls me into a hug, tightly embracing me, rubbing my back. When my sobs got worse he would softly whisper "Shh, Darling it's okay to cry but you're going to make yourself sick".when I stopped crying he grabs my hands and looks at my wrists. The few faded scars there is he kisses them gently.

He looks at my thighs. "May I" he asks. I nod,he turns my body slightly. He runs his hands up my thighs. He gently rolls my shorts up. He leaves wet kisses on my scars as I start to cry again. He places my hands on my hips. As he finishes kisses them. He whispers into my neck, "you're perfect don't forget that", he kisses my neck. We lay together, embracing each other, whispering how much we love each other.

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rpf-bat · 2 years

Note

F L and M?

F: Share a snippet from one of your favourite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it.

I’ll highlight this passage from Scream Out ‘What Will Save Us?’, because I think it perfectly encapsulates Frank’s complicated feelings during MCR’s “hiatus”.

“....What have you been thinking about lately?” you asked, sitting down on a boulder.

“What happened with the band, of course,” Frank admitted, sitting down beside you. “I just….I don’t know. Gerard’s decision felt so sudden. It was like having the wind knocked out of me.”

“Yeah,” you recalled. “It was like….it wasn’t fun anymore to him, so he just….dropped it. Like it was nothing.”

“I’m not gonna pretend, that being in My Chem, was sunshine and roses all the time,” Frank acknowledged. “Sometimes, touring sucked.”

“It did,” you admitted. “I hated the early bus calls, and the jet lag, that never seemed to go away. But, I don’t know. It was worth it, to go through all that, if it meant I would end my day, on a stage with you.”

“I guess it wasn’t worth it to him anymore,” Frank frowned. “But, what can you do? You can’t continue a band, without its frontman.”

“I guess our time was just up,” you shrugged. “All we can do, is move on.”

“I know it was messing up his mental health, trying to write the new record,” Frank said, pulling a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. “It’s not right for us to ask him to keep doing something that’s hurting him.”

“You’re right,” you sighed. “It’s not fair, to risk causing him another relapse, or something, just because we thought the album could’ve gone somewhere.”

“But now, you and me?” Frank grumbled, lighting a cigarette, and taking a drag. “We’re not gonna go fucking anywhere.”

“We’re right back where we started,” you realized. “Stuck in the same little town in New Jersey, where it all began.”

L: How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

I’m not big on editing, tbh. I’ll do one or two checks for spelling/grammar, then up it goes. 🤷‍♀️

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you'd care to share?

I have a full outline on my Notes app for a Palaye Royale fic!

It’s an Emerson x Reader Regency AU. But I have no idea when/if I’ll actually write it.

#thank you for your ask!

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callmepuppysworld · 1 year

Text

angst fic I'm writing bc I can lol

We're it's just dipper angst where he relapse ummm idk what else to do or if I'm ever going to finish this,

no smut at all!! dipper is a minor!

Sorry for any spelling mistakes I'm running of 4 hours of sleep and 6 shots of vodka don't come for me

TW: self harm ( both in the past and present)

Swearing, being sad (?)

Idk what else Soz

' it had been going good what happened?' dipper wondered while sitting at the table in the mystery shack Mabel talking about her new idea on what jumper to make, apparently she was thinking about making one with glitter all over it so she could sparkle

"... wait what? do you know how messy that will be ?" Dipper sighed cutting Mable of

" but it's going to be beautiful! " Mable said pushing her chair on its back legs making dipper frown

" your going to fall off " dipper stated getting up and picking his full bowl of now soggy fruit loops

" what! you're not going to eat it?" Mable gasped letting the chair fall back onto all 4 chair legs

" it's soggy.. what do you want it?" Dipper said frowning again starting to walk away when he heard Mable mumble a small " of course not .."

he walked into the kitchen putting the fruit loops in the bin and washing his bowl as he finished putting the bowl away he saw uncle Stan walking into the kitchen in his white singlet and blue shorts

" hey kid, your gonna mind the store today I need to go out and Wendy is out " Stan said walking away scratching his back as he entered the living room.

Dipper groaned out loud realizing he couldn't go into the woods and look for creatures all day, he sighed walking back into the dining room looking for his sister

" Mable ! " dipper shouted after realizing his siblings was not in the dining room, He started walking up the stairs looking for his sister when he heard her scream in there room

" Mable!" he yelled running up stairs his mind running a thousand miles a second,

thinking all the worst possible things that could have happened to his sibling

when he got to there bedroom he opened the door to see her sitting in the corner of the room with the hot glue gun out and a new white sweater on the ground with glitter need it

" Mable what happened?" dipper said sitting down next to her

making her look up

" oh, I accidentally touched the hot glue and it really hurt "

Mable said pouting

dipper sighed realize he was worried for no reason

" Mable! you can't just scram bloody murder for no reason! plus we have to work at the gift shop today. your sweater can wait " dipper said standing up

" What! ....nooooo, I'm asking Stan if I can go help him! " Mable declared running down stairs before

dipper could.

He slowly started walking down stairs feeling a headache start at the front of his head.

' this is going to be long day ' dipper though as be reached the end of the stairs seeing Mable talk to Stan

" Please! Please! please! please! please"

Mable begged

" no!" Stan said running his hands though his hair

" Please! please! please! "

Mable continued to beg

" Fine! you came come with me!" Stan said frustrated walking away

" We leave in 10! " he shouted going into another room

"um, what was that?" dipper asked going down the last step

" im going with uncle Stan today! " Mable said haply skipping away

" what? no fair !" dipper insisted

" yeah it is!" Mable said sticking her tong out at dipper

" I changed my mind were going now!!" uncle Stan yelled from outside making Mable run to the front door

" see ya Dipper!!" she yelled closing the door.

dipper sighed now along again, he started walking toward the gift shop hopping today would be a quiet day.

a few minutes went by with dipper just standing at the counter fidling with the small toys soos probably put on the register,

' Were is soos?' dipper questioned to himself, he remembers Stan saying Wendy was out but he said nothing about soos.

as he put down this small spiderman figure he heard the bell ring at the door signaling a customer had just walked in

" hello welcome to the Mystery shack, how may I help you " dipper exclaimed joyfully putting on his best constmer service voice

the person that had walked in was giden , he hair was looking awfully big and his suit looked a little to tight at the ends

" well if it isn't little dipper " giden chucked

" what do you want giden ?" dipper said no longer smiling not prepared to deal with this bullshit

" well I was just seeing how my useless soon to be brother in law is going" giden said putting on a cute smile

" gross, Mable doesn't want to be with you, she doesn't even want to be your friend! let alone your wife " dipper exsplained his fist tightening

" How dare you! You have brain washed my darling!" Giden shreaked quickly walking up to dipper

" How dare you even say such a thing!! she love me! she is probably lying to you ! why would she even want to talk to a pethetic human like you! you don't even deserve to be in my goodness presents!" giden screamed grabbing dippers shirt from over the counter

( just protein he's not like 3 foot)

dipper pushed giden onto the floor his eyes fulling with tears

" Get. out. Now!" dipper yelled pointing at the door,

before giden was given a chance to move dipper started walking out from behind the counter and towards him.

making giden scrambl to get up and run out the door.

dipper had taken 5 deep breaths before he moved again, walking towards the door moving to * we are open* sighn around to show the * were closed get lost * side , once he flipped the sign he felt like he could breath again.

He slowly walked into the kitchen seeing the bowls in the sink, he quietly made his way to the sink to start washing the dishes.

first he filled the sink with warm water and dish soap watching the bubbles as they filled the sink, than put all the dishish into the sink seeing that there were more than he expected,

he pulled out the sponge and started washing the bowls and spoons.

Than he picked up a dirty pot and started scrubbing the bottom of it making sure there was nothing stuck to the bottom before putting it to the side ,

he put his hand back into the now dirty water attempting to find any more spoons that he didn't catch before, only to find something sharp at the bottom of the sink cutting his finger slightly making him gasp and pull his hand out of the water holding his how bleeding finger.

" ouch.." he mumbled under his breath looking down af the finger,

it was onmy bleeding slightly but it still hurt.

' get over yourself, it's just a tinny cut' he scolded himself

dipper put his hand back into the water, the cut stinging slightly as he picked up the knife and begin to wash it,

as he ran the sponge up and down the knife he let his brain wonder,

he remembers the first time he picked up something sharp for something than it's intened purpose,

it was a knife not to different from this one.

he remembers putting it to he wrist holding it there for a few seconds finally feeling his breath go back to normal after what felt like an enternity.

he remembers the feeling of the knife pushing down slightly..

he remembers the feeling of the knife gliding across his wrist a small line appearing ... tinny beads of blood appeared were the knife had danced across his skin,

he had been washing dishes after a fight with his mother, she had taken Mable with her to go to hef friends house,

she had told him to make his own dinner..

this wasn't an un normal thing to happen after fights ...

if that's what you could call it,

it was more like a one sided screaming match were dipper only respond with small * yes* and small *I'm sorry*

dippers mother had always gotten mad at dipper for going so quiet when he was yelled at,

she said it made him in manly, and that no real men would act like that....

dipper didn't know how long his thoughts lasted but he was staring at the dirty water.

He put the knife down going upstairs one thing in mind .

' but I'm 3 months clean ' dippers thoughts tryed to reason with him

'not that it matters, i didn't want to do it than, I want to now ' dipper thought

' don't.... you'll make Mable sad... it's an addict remember what she said' a side of dippers thought resoned

dipper had never thought about it as an addition,

he was in full control, he could stop whenever he wanted.

he just didn't want to..

sometimes he would, and when that would happen he had no problem stopping until he wanted to again

' so many people suffer with this addiction, the people that do it everyday and struggle to stop ' dipper thought as he opened his shared room door walking in slowly and closing the door behind him.

he walked straight to he dressed on his side of the room, opening the top drawer finding a pencil case.

he sat in the edge of his bed opening the pencil case finding a yellow box cutter at the top,

he slowly picked it up putting the pencil case of it the side he pulled up his sleeve putting the cutter against his arm pressing down slightly, gliding the blade across small beads coming up out of the small cut.

he continues this for a few minutes before he has about 19 ish new cuts ...

there red and bleeding and he's panting softy his heart racing with adrenaline

he breaths slow for a minute putting the box cutter away and putting the pencil case back into the draw.

he walks over to the bathroom his arm still out for the world to see,

he's not too worried about someone seeing it since he's home alone but it's still a weird feeling to walk around with fresh cuts in his arm.

he walks into the bathroom not closing the door grabbing some toilet paper And dabbing the cut trying to stop the bleeding quicker.

he signed in anoyince as it took longer than he would have like.

he was to busy trying to stop the bleeding that he didn't hear the door open or someone walk up the stairs

#self harm #sad #angst #gravity falls #fanfic #dipper pines #aromantic #asexual #ummm what else #ummmm hi #idk what this is #lol sorry

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lifeisalittleinteresting · 7 months

Text

English Class

I like to write.

I've been writing since fifth grade. I love writing because I can create anything I want. It's so freeing. I used to only write super long, complicated stories but ever since I started going to a school made for students with creative interests, I have started to stretch a bit more, trying out new things.

I used to hate poetry. But now I love it.

When I say poetry, I mean more like a short story written in a poetic way. I use it to convey deep emotions.

Well, yesterday I got to share a piece called "Princess" in my English class. Except nobody knew it was me. It was just a piece that people analyzed for the lesson.

I had been worrying over it for such a long time because my dad had told me that I was gonna get bullied if people found out. Cause if one thing is true about highschool, it's that people will bully your ruthlessly for the tiniest thing.

So there I was, shaking in class, worrying that someone would spin around and with a wild look and their eyes and scream, "THAT KID WROTE IT"

Which I know is stupid. Nobody was gonna know it was me. And nobody said anything. Nobody. Said. Anything.

Which is honestly disappointing.

I thought we were gonna discuss it, like we always did.

But we didn't.

I wanted the kid next to me that I tried to hard to be friends with to say something about how interesting the writing was.

But he didn't.

So now I'm sitting here, writing this blog, thinking about if maybe that was the reason I relapsed last night.

Probably not, because that's such silly thing to be that upset about.

I think it partly contributed though.

I don't know.

I'll post the poem I wrote tomorrow.

#english #highschool #class #school #fyp #foryoupage

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britswriting · 1 year

Text

Desire (48)

Desire Masterlist

Read on Wattpad

Warning: Sexual Content, wholesome fluff

*Leighton's POV*

Gemma had returned home from Gabriel's parents house and when I asked her if she had fun at Mimi's, she said no.

She came home in a horrible mood, and I thought a nap would fix it, but even with Uncle Landon play time and a special muffin snack, she was still moody.

I had one more thing up my sleeve...

"Want to draw a pretty picture for Coco?" I asked, Gemma perking up.

"Coco?" She asked and I nodded, grabbing some printer paper, cutting it in half and folding the halves into halves.

I laid down a tablecloth just in case, placing her bucket of drawing supplies on it.

My dad one day brought over some crayons and markers, claiming we had to start young to carry the legacy; staying for a few hours as they colored together.

Gemma came running over to me, climbing up onto the chair. I grabbed a black sharpie and wrote "You're Invited" on the front, flipping open to the middle and writing "Coco is formally invited to Gem Gem's 2nd birthday! RSVP with mama for info!"

I let her have free reign with the art supplies, scribbling all over the piece of paper as I continued to write out on the papers.

Gemma was getting more and more into coloring, so I figured this would be a fun activity to lift her spirits, plus, her birthday was sneaking up on us and I needed to make sure I invited people to it.

I was doing one of the last pieces when Gemma tugged at my arm, messing up where I had been writing.

"Mama?"

"Yes baby?" I hummed, accepting the fact that Logan's invitation was just gonna look like this now.

"Elp?"

"With what honey?"

She frowned, staring down at her paper that was all scribbled on.

I flipped it open to the middle, placing her sippy cup on the edge so it didn't shut. "There go baby" I kissed her head, Gemma beginning to scribble again.

I was surprised by how long this kept her attention, that I almost wished I had been productive during this time.

I was trying to remind myself to live in the moment and hang out with her, and not just throw an activity at her so I could vacuum.

I heard the front door open, the voices of Landon, Finn and Xander coming into the apartment.

"There's my baby G!" Landon cooed, coming over to kiss her head, only for her eyes to go wide and cover her work.

"NO!" She screamed, all of our eyes widening at the outburst.

"Gemma Lorraine, inside voice-" I tried to reprimand, but it was useless.

"No!" She yelled again, her eyes filling with tears, and I finally noticed what she was doing.

She didn't want him to see that she was working on her birthday invitations.

I mouthed "Go" to Landon, winking at him, hoping he got the gist, thanking god when he nodded and ushered everyone away.

I stood in the kitchen, starting dinner for the two of us when Colby tried to FaceTime me. The second I accepted it and Gemma heard his voice, she got excited but then angry, yelling at me.

"Gemma Lorraine, don't yell at mommy" I warned, not wanting to get a noise complaint.

"What's her issue?" He asked as I prompted him against the counter.

"She's making a surprise and doesn't want you to see. Landon came in and I swear she was gonna blow her top!"

"Ah, well I can't wait to see it. I was actually calling to ask you how therapy went?" He said and I groaned.

I added sexual assault and rape trauma to my list of issues in therapy, and today was my first session of us discussing what happened, and ways to cope with it so I hopefully didn't get any relapse temptations.

"Was fine. Sucked as always" I muttered, not really wanting to relive today's therapy session.

"I'm sorry baby. If it makes you feel better, I also talked about it in therapy" he said nonchalantly, catching me off gaurd.

"Oh? About what? You weren't R worded" I censored, glancing towards Gemma when I heard her rummage through her bin.

"No, but my girlfriend was.. and I want to learn how to be helpful. They suggested couples therapy for it" He brought up, catching my attention.

"Couples therapy? Why?"

"Well.. I guess in a way we can talk about it together? Learn how to grow from it. How to handle it"

"Oh"

"Are you interested?" He asked, shifting his position, causing the screen to shake.

"Um.. I don't know. It's still pretty fresh"

"Well isn't that the best time to do it? Nip it in the bud before it becomes an issue?" He asked and I stayed quiet, "Well I won't force you. Just an idea" He said and I nodded.

Gemma yelled for me to come help her, needing the next piece of paper. I couldn't help but smile fondly at her work. They all looked adorable.

Colby was talking to me about some meeting he had earlier today when Gemma called for me again, asking me to draw her a moo, frowning when Colby laughed.

"No!" She cried and I rolled my eyes, drawing her a cow, except she then got mad that it didn't look how it looked on her book, getting up and dragging that annoying ass book to the table to show me.

I practically traced the damn book to make my child happy, praying the day would come here quicker for when I could toss that shit in the trash.

"I should give her art projects more often. I've never seen a two year old sit still for this long" I told Colby, sitting down on the floor to fold laundry.

I swear it was never ending.

I wish I could tell me a year ago that it got worse when they became toddlers. Not only does she leak through diapers and spill on herself, but she's starting to strip out of her clothes and run around naked just for the hell of it.

She's making me a mound of laundry by the day.

"Her birthday is coming around the corner" Colby brought up and I nodded, bringing my finger to my mouth and glancing towards Gemma. "Do you have plans?" He asked in a loud whisper that made me roll my eyes.

Did he miss me telling him to shush?

I nodded, scrolling through Gabe and I's texts, sending a screenshot of her plans to him.

"No more talking toys!" I warned, Colby grinning.

"So I shouldn't buy her a stuffed cow that moos when you squeeze it?"

"Like a damn dog toy? I will cut off your balls and feed it to a damn cow if you do that" I threatened, his eyes going wide.

"Damn, feisty you are"

"I'm over hearing that damn book go mooooooo at 3 in the morning. She's insisted on sleeping with it, and lately she's been sleeping in my bed because I've been working more lately which has fluffed up our routine. I wake up and fall asleep too damn animal noises! I live in the fluffing city Cole!" I cried out, trying to be aware of the little ears not too far from me.

I really needed to get my swearing under control now that she was repeating us.

"Okay okay, no mooing cows. I got it, damn" he laughed and I groaned, rubbing at my temples.

"She needs a new fixation"

"How about ducks?' He asked, quacking at me.

I stifled a laugh, shaking my head, "Did you just fucking quack at me?" I asked, letting it slip.

"Quack quack"

"Shut up, that's no better than a cow mooing! In fact it's just more repetitive. At least a moo is drawn out. Not just like quack quack quack quack" I imitated, and then Gemma quacked from the table and I wanted to die. "I swear to god Colby" I groaned, hoping she doesn't start quacking twenty four seven now.

"Hey G?! What does a cow say?" He loudly asked, laughing as she went "mooooooo" from the table.

That night Gemma hand delivered her invitations to Landon, Xander and Finn, all three of them complimenting her drawing skills and I could just see the pride fill in her eyes, my heart wanting to burst at the idea of her being proud of herself.

Before work I dropped Gemma off at my parents, her invitations tight in her hand as she stood on her tip-toes, trying to reach the bell.

"Mama! Elp peas!" She cried, her arm stretched as far as she could.

We listened to the bell chim, Gemma giggling at the noise, waiting for someone to let us in.

Lexi let us in on her way out, kissing Gemma quickly before passing us, Gemma frowning.

"Tation?" She frowned, showing me the envelopes.

"We can leave it for Nonna and Papa baby, come on. Momma has to go bye bye. Let's go find Papa" I encouraged, trying to distract her from Lexi leaving too quickly.

After work Gemma and I went to the post office, Gemma was extremely excited to toss her invitations to Sammy, Coco and Meow into the big blue box.

"Coco go birfday arty?" She asked and I giggled, nodding.

"He wouldn't miss it for the world sunshine" I reassured, not realizing the nickname that slipped from my lips.

The morning of Gemma's birthday, she woke up bright and early, screaming about birthday breakfast.

Gemma helped me make pancakes, sneaking bits and pieces of the pancakes before we were done, making it so three or four had missing chunks.

"Mama yum!" she giggled, stuffing the piece of pancake into her mouth.

"Yeah? You did good baby" I laughed, her hand holding out a piece of pancake. I let her feed it to me, "Yum!" I grinned, Gemma giggling, grabbing a different pancake and taking a bite out of it.

I'll be surprised if any were left untouched.

Colby called whilst I plated the pancakes, making sure to make a few for Logan and Xander that didn't have toddler germs on them, wishing Gemma a happy birthday.

I caught myself smiling as they talked to each other, Gemma asking if he got her picture.

"I did! You did a great job Gem. Just like your momma and papa!" He encouraged, Gemma's shoulders slinking up to her chin as she became bashful.

"Ike papa?" She asked, a big grin on my face when I realized she became shy at the idea of drawing like her papa.

"Better than Papa!" Colby responded, a big smile on Gem's face, my eyes becoming wet.

"No etter dan papa! Papa est!" She argued and I caught Colby grinning at her, my heart picking up in pace.

"He is pretty good, but I think in a few years he's gonna have some pretty good competition. I mean look at this color theory-" he joked, holding up her multicolored scribble filled invitation. "Van Gough could never" he teased, a loud laugh falling from my lips.

"Baby, she doesn't know what any of that sh- is. I'm honestly surprised you do" I teased, catching myself mid curse.

"Hey! I am very smart and talented! In case you forgot, I helped you with that art piece for Sam!" He defended and I snickered, shaking my head.

"You were afraid to touch the canvas for ages!" I teased, Gemma stuffing a piece of her cut up pancake into her mouth.

Once we let Cokby go, Gemma ran down the hall to Landon's room, practically breaking down his door and I quickly shouted, "Make sure you're covered! Two year old coming in!" before the door opened, a plate of pancakes in hand. "Gem made breakfast" I announced, glad to see Landon and Xander were covered.

"Happy birthday G" Landon hummed, laying on his stomach, Gemma running over to him. "What'd you make?" His sleepy voice asked, trying to sound more excited for the bouncing toddler.

"pah-aches!" She giggled, bouncing on her feet.

I showed the plate of pancakes, Landon adjusting to sit up, pulling Gemma up onto the bed, kissing her cheek.

"You didn't make moooo pancakes?" He asked, her eyes going wide and snapping to mine.

I instantly glared at my younger brother, Gemma gasping.

"MAMA MOOOOO ACHES!" She yelled, Landon smirking and letting her wiggle off their bed.

I flipped Landon off as we left, Gemma running back to the kitchen demanding I make cow pancakes, meaning I needed to Google how to, but then she started crying because she wanted them now and I was moving too slow.

We then had our second tantrum of the morning when they didn't turn out how the picture in her head looked.

"This is your fault" I told Landon, having called him out for reinforcement.

We somehow got them to look semi okay, not wanting her birthday to be ruined before breakfast was even done.

Right before Gemma got up from her nap, Gabe and Zara arrived, and I was thankful Gemma seemed happy that Gabe was the one to get her from her nap.

"Look at the birthday girl!" Zara cheered, Gemma running over to her with a giggle. "Are you ready to go?" She asked, Gabe sitting down with her shoes.

Gabe and Zara were taking Gemma out for a few hours so I could prepare the apartment for the party. My dad was picking up Colby from the airport and then meeting me here to help out. Sam and Kat flew out to be with Sam's family for Thanksgiving and his birthday, promising to call later and wish Gemma a happy birthday.

Whilst pulling vanilla cupcakes out of the oven, I heard the front door open, catching my attention.

"Hello?" I called out, expecting it to be Landon having forgotten something. When there was no response. I tossed the oven mitts onto the counter, rounding the corner only to see Colby slipping off his shoes.

"Hi baby, your dad let me in" He grinned, looking up at me from his shoes, my arms immediately wrapping around his waist, greeting him with a kiss.

"I've missed you" I sighed, Colby squeezing me.

"Missed you more" he kissed me again, "I hate to let you go, but I really need to piss" he said, making me laugh.

"Such a romantic!" I called back, Colby slipping past me to the bathroom.

My dad got started on blowing up balloons whilst I got in the zone of filling cupcake liners when Colby wrapped his arms around me from behind, making me jump.

"Jesus christ!" I shrieked, hearing him laugh. "YOU MADE ME DROP MY CUPCAKE!" I yelled, seeing the cupcake that was once in my hand, now by my foot.

"You almost made me drop my croissant!" He mocked the meme, bending down to grab it off the floor, "Five second rule" he said, before peeling it out of the liner and plopping it in his mouth. "HAWT!" he breathed out and I cackled, "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET!"

"Tastes good" he shrugged after gulping down the cupcake. "These are cute by the way" He held up the black cupcake liner that had little cows on them.

"I'm all cowed out, and I feel like it's just begun" I sighed, pushing a few of the cupcakes away from the edge.

Colby helped my dad set up the cringey banner as I got the snack bowls ready, feeling extremely anxious about making this party go smoothly.

Colby ended up joining me in the shower, wrapping his arms around my naked body, thankfully announcing himself before entering.

Colby laid sweet kisses against my neck whilst I shaved my legs, making my spine tingle

"That tickles" I mumbled, carefully shaving around my knee.

"I'm sorry" He mumbled against my skin, his hand moving my wet hair out of the way. "You just look so beautiful" he hummed, squeezing my ass.

"You know some people use self control" I teased, straightening my posture, turning to face him.

"Baby, I have none when it comes to you" He let a smile slip, his hands cupping my face as he leaned down to kiss me.

"Mm" I moaned into it, not being able to get my words out. "Cole- Colby" I struggled, Colby's head falling to my shoulder, littering my collarbone in tender kisses. "We can't. I'm not ready and people are gonna be here soon" I reminded him, wincing when his teeth pressed into my skin. "You better not leave a noticeable hickey!" I warned, my head rolling back at the feeling, my hips pushing outwards involuntarily.

"Seems ready to me" he hummed, his hand slipping down to my hip, his fingertips brushing against my ass as he left his hand there.

"Colby" I warned and he groaned.

"I've missed you and your beautiful velvet skin baby. I'm not going to fuck you, I just want to love up on you. Your vagina has a chokehold on my cock baby. What you say goes, but I'd still like to love on the areas I can. You said no, and I respect that but if you'll allow me, I'd still like to feel your skin under mine"

I gave into his touch, basking in the feeling of his affection.

"You know in those like romantic movies how they like wash each other's hair? I can't even see the top of your head" I snickered, passing him the shampoo.

"Do you want to?" He asked, popping my shampoo bottle back open.

"You're gonna smell like flowers" I grinned, Colby rolling his eyes.

Colby leaned on his knees in front of me, passing me the bottle.

"Better?" He asked, my laugh bouncing off the shower walls, making my ears ring a little.

"Are you going to suck my cock whilst you're down there?" I grinned, Colby letting the water wet his hair as I poured the soap onto my hand.

"I'd bring you to an orgasm so fast if you let me" He groaned, my hands running through his hair, spreading the soap, my nails softly scratching his scalp. Colby moaned, making my cunt pulsate, my eyes closing, feeling his hands on my skin. "God that feels good. You should do that more often" he hummed as I washed out the soap.

"Do you want conditioner?" I questioned, trying to ignore his sounds of pleasure and then annoyance when I stopped.

"Anything to get your fingers back in my hair" He smirked and I wanted to smack him so bad.

I ran the conditioner through his hair, Colby placing tender kisses against the lower part of my breasts, driving me inside when his tongue teased my nipple, keeping all of his touches right under where I so desperately wanted him.

"You're being a brat" I muttered, rinsing out the condition as he continued to leave teasing touches.

"Stop trying to resist me and give into the pleasure your body is craving" He muttered against my skin, biting softly against the extra fat on my stomach.

"Hey" I frowned, flicking the back of his head with my finger.

"Did you just flick me?" He asked, his eyes full of surprise.

"You bit my fat!"

"It's very biteable"

"Word to the wise, maybe don't draw attention to the areas I'm insecure of" I teased, carding my fingers through his wet hair, watching the water droplets roll down his collarbones to his chest.

"But I love those areas" He said, biting near my belly button, making me wince again.

"Stop biting me, you vampire" I gripped his hair, pulling a little, watching his facial reactions but he just nibbled my skin again, his hand sliding up my thigh and going to my hip bone making my skin feel like I was on fire.

I pulled at Colby's hair, getting him to unlatch from my skin.

"Please don't leave bruises on my skin. The ones on my hips and boobs are finally going away" I said softly, watching his eyes soften, apologizing, his lips littering kissing from my knee to my upper thigh, pressing a tender kiss to each passing bruise that was in the shape of fingerprints.

I felt his tongue brush against the bruise, my eyes closing as my head leaned back, my hand lost in his hair.

"The only marks that should be on your beautiful skin is from love. I love right here" He kissed my hip, "and here" he moved towards my extra weight, placing a few kisses in different areas, "and here" he hummed, sucking on my right hip bone, soothing the area. I felt him smirk against my skin before he grabbed my leg, lifting it over his shoulder, supporting my thigh. "And here" he breathed against my now quivering cunt, pressing a soft kiss against my lips, a low moan falling from my lips.

"Fuck, do that again!" I begged, Colby happily obliged, pressing another feather like kiss to my clit.

I felt myself clench around nothing as he did it again, except this time his tongue flicked it softly making my toes curl as my hand reached out for the shower wall to support myself, my hips involuntarily grinding against him.

I felt myself try to move at a fast pace against his slow touches, Colby looking up at me from under my leg, our eyes connecting and I felt my heart rate slow down as he placed soft kisses against my inner thigh.

My tight muscles relaxed as he moved down my thigh, his fingers rubbing against my folders before slipping into me, my eyes falling shut as my lips parted.

I could feel my stomach tighten as my breathing became more intense, groaning when he slipped his fingers out of me and let my leg back down.

"What are you-" I tried to talk, Colby getting up and cutting me off with a kiss, his hands resting on my hips.

"You're beautiful inside and out, you know that?" He asked, my eyes opening from the kiss, feeling his breath against my lips.

"You stopped my orgasm to tell me I was pretty?"

"No, that you're beautiful. That's very different Leighton" He teased, his nose brushing against mine making me turn my head out of embarrassment.

"Can you just fuck me already?" I whined, Colby's finger moving under my jaw, turning me back to him, kissing me again.

"I rather listen to your sweet moans for hours-"

"Cole I swear to god if you don't make me cum within the next two minutes-" I whined, knowing we really didn't have time for his tender touches.

As much as I loved them, people were going to be here in two hours, and I wasn't ready at all.

This shower was supposed to be 10 minutes max.

"You're really killing the mood here baby" He teased, pinning my hands to the wall.

"You killed my orgasm. You created this monster now you better feed it"

"Careful or I'll fill that pretty little mouth of yours with yours with my cum"

"Promise?"

"Do you love it baby?" I laughed, watching her inspect her birthday outfit in the mirror before squalling "Yes!" running to hug me. "I'm glad, let's do your hair and then you can go show Nonna and Papa"

"And Coco!"

"And Coco" I nodded, grabbing her little hand and walking with her to the bathroom. "How do you want it lovebug"

We pulled Gemma's hair into little big tails, plopping the cute little bow on her head.

I pulled out my phone and took a few mirror selfies with her, sending Gabe and Colby, one of me kissing her cheek, a big smile on her face.

Gemma ran over to Colby, doing a spin, basking in his compliments before showing my parents, and finally Gabe and Zara.

It was weird to think about how much she's grown in just two years.

She went from being a little baby in the NICU to a giggly bouncing toddler.

I laid in bed last night scrolling through my pregnancy photos and early newborn pictures, crying as I thought about her being two.

The hardest photos to look at were when Gemma was on oxygen. It definitely made me feel extremely grateful to see her running around and playing knowing just how different things could've gone.

Gabe and I sat next to Gemma, offering her presents to open as people filmed and took photos, cheering her on.

Every time she opened a present and we said who it was from, she'd run over to the person and hug them, melting my heart.

"What did you get Gem? Can you show Roo?" I asked, pointing towards Lexi who had my phone. "Can you say thank you Sam and Kat?" I encouraged, Gemma's eyes stuck on the box, showing her what was inside.

I laughed softly, kissing the top of her head, "I think it's safe to say she likes it"

"Open ease?" She asked, turning her head to look up at me.

"Later baby, we got more things to open! Coco got you a gift, Papa got you a gift, daddy got you a gift" I motioned towards the unopened presents.

"Coco!" She squealed, Colby reaching over and sliding the big box towards her, pulling out his phone, ready to film her reaction.

The wrapping paper was off in an instant, not even giving me enough time to make fun of how it was wrapped, Gemma squealing at the picture on the front.

Gemma shoved the box out of the way, shooting up off my lap and booking it to Colby, collapsing into his chest.

"Say thank you Gem" I reminded her, a muffled childlike thank you being heard, the group aweing and laughing at her reaction.

"You're very welcome Gem" He kissed her head, Gemma running back over to us, dropping to her knees, her little hands slapping the box as she stared.

It was safe to say that was the first present we were taking out of the box.

Gabe helped set up the toy, and once Gemma figured out how it worked, she was cruising all over the apartment, running into walls and over toes to the point I had to pull her aside and give her rules.

Of course, being a toddler who didn't understand rules yet, she broke every single one of them but Gabe told me to let it go and let her enjoy her birthday.

"I sent Sam the video, he's glad she likes it and says to let him know when things die down and he'll call" Colby said, showing me the text.

I nodded and leaned against his arm, watching her and Noel play with a few toys, both of them covered in frosting from the cupcakes.

"I'm happy she has a friend" I said softly, Colby wrapping his arm around my waist, his hand resting on the front of my hip.

"Do you think they'll be friends for a long time?" he asked and I watched the two toddlers play, nodding.

"I hope so. Her mom's really nice too"

"Yeah? You're making friends?" He teased, and I looked up at him to see him grinning down at me. When his eyes met mine, he leaned down to kiss me, letting it linger before I felt little hands slap my foot, my eyes popping open, finding Harper at my feet.

I giggled, lifting her up and kissing her cheek. "Is it uncle Colby?" I asked, Colby giving the one year old attention.

Harper roped Colby into playing with her, making my heart explode as April elbowed me, a mischievous look in her eye.

"He's so good with kids" April daydreamed, watching Colby adore Harper right in front of us. "That's your sister's kid, right?" She questioned, and I nodded.

"Technically brothers, but they've been married long enough, she might as well be" I joked, spotting Cynthia and Logan talking to my parents.

"You've got quite the full house here" She noted, looking around and I nodded.

"A lot of people love that little girl. I'm extremely grateful" I sent her a small smile, feeling a little awkward.

"So.. Do you think he's the one?" She asked, catching me off guard.

"What do you mean?"

"Do you think you'll get married?" She reiterated.

I practically snorted, shaking my head. "When we started hanging out, he told me he never thought about marriage. About tying down so I doubt it" I answered truthfully, feeling like I was punched in the stomach with reality.

"Things change, you know?" She said, sounding optimistic but I couldn't help but mutter, "Feelings about topics like that don't easily change"

"Do you want to get married?" She asked, my brow furrowed.

"To Colby?"

"Or in general"

"Of course. White picket fence, a litter of kids, the whole nine yards.. I just.. I don't think it's in the cards for me" I admitted, weary for sharing too much to someone I've only known a little over a month.

"Why wouldn't it be in the cards? You guys seem happy" She noted and I sighed.

"Life has a funny way of showing you your destiny. Some people aren't meant to have a happy healthy forever kind of path. Some people hit the sticks and tumble down some rocks, plopping into a creek" I said nonchalantly, not thinking much of what I said until I heard April laugh. "What?"

"You know what cleans you? It's one of the reasons people are baptized in water. To wash away the sins, start fresh, be new, you know?" She said, the religion talk catching me off guard.

"I don't know.."

"You said you're twenty three right?" She asked and I nodded, "You're practically a baby still. You have a whole life to find forever"

"You found forever, and you don't look that old" I spoke before thinking, my eyes widening. "I'm so sorry!" I quickly apologized, April laughing.

"Kevin and I have known each other a long time. We were friends, we dated other people but at the end of the day... we couldn't find better. That doesn't mean we're perfect for each other, and for all I know there could be someone better... but I don't want someone better" She said, and I instantly felt shitty.

"I'm glad you're happy April" I said, her face seeming confused and I groaned, "I didn't mean to sound bitchy. I'm genuinely happy you're happy. I'm happy you found someone you feel like that with" I corrected, my eyes glancing towards Colby who had a pile of girls three and under, on top of him.

"You have it too" She said, getting me to look back at her.

"What do you mean?"

"Happiness. Love. That man hasn't stopped looking at you or your daughter since I got here" April had a small smile on her face, my eyes immediately going back to Colby who was laying on the ground, two toddlers on his chest as they giggled, Colby pretending making some sort of monster noises.

April and I chatted for a while, watching the hustle and bustle of my family and friends mingling before the toddlers ran up to us, begging for a cupcake.

The party started winding down, only a few of us left, Gemma and Noel on a sugar high as they played throughout the apartment.

"Do you think they'll be friends forever?" April asked, leaning against my counter as she dried dishes, the sounds of their gibberish in the background, playing with new toys.

"I hope so. I'd hate for either of the girls to deal with that sort of heartbreak. Gem.. I don't know. I feel like she's social with adults because that's all she's been around. Hopefully she'll befriend some toddlers. Gabe and I plan to put her into preschool whenever we can"

"Is co-parenting hard?" April asked and I shrugged, explaining we just started. "I can't imagine having to split my time with Noel" She said, sounding like that was her worst nightmare.

"Well I.. I mean, yeah.. it's hard.. but.." I pushed my lips together, glancing towards the soaper water.

"But?"

"I'm used to it" I shamefully admitted, not wanting to look over towards her.

She stayed quiet which I was thankful for, Colby stepping into the kitchen, asking me to move so he could grab a garbage bag, kissing my cheek before he left.

"How old is Colby?" She asked and without thinking I told her 25, almost 26. "It's interesting that he's so young and wants this. Like without obligation" She said and when I stayed quiet she sighed. "I didn't mean to make you question things. I'm sorry. I love that he's so involved. Just find it interesting, that's all"

Sam ended up calling us whilst Gemma was in the bath, Gemma showing him her bubbles, laughing when she saw herself on the screen with bubbles on her head.

I feel like the older she's getting, the more fun she's having when they call. Sam sometimes will call just hang out whilst he's editing, and Gemma usually finds a way to become the center of attention, making it so he gets nothing done but he claims he wouldn't have it any other way.

Besides this morning, today had been full of giggles and smiles and I couldn't help but crawl into my bed where Gemma and Colby were snuggling with a smile on my face.

"Have you had a good birthday Gem?" I asked, rolling over to face her, pulling the blanket up over us, Colby fast asleep on the other side of her.

She nodded and I felt like my heart could burst.

"I'm glad. Are you excited to hang out with Grandpa and Mimi tomorrow?" I questioned, trying to prepare Gemma to spend thanksgiving with her dad.

She shook her head.

"Why not?"

"Be wit Coco" She mumbled, sleep apparent as she slurred her words, snuggling into Colby's sleeping body.

"You'll see Colby again baby. Daddy and Zara want to spend time with you" I said softly, brushing some of her hair out of her eyes.

"Coco go bye bye?" She asked and I shook my head.

"Not for a little while. He wanted to hang out with his baby G" I smiled, snuggling closer to her, letting my arm drape over her and Colby, my hand resting on Colby's chest.

The day of Sam's birthday Colby planned a surprise trip to a farm not too far from us that was used as an education center for kids, and the entire drive there we heard "We dare yet?" driving me up a wall.

I've never been happier in my life to see fields of farmland, and know we were at our destination.

Gemma unclipped her car seat buckles, earning a surprising scolding from Colby about how dangerous that is and to never do it again, ending in tears.

I was surprised that Colby didn't cave and snuggle her, but basically told her to get over it which made me laugh since I knew how with one bat of the eye he would be a puddle on the floor.

Gemma was dressed in cow print overalls and a shirt that read "moo" and Colby plopped a cow print cowgirl hat on her, chuckling about how we'll never lose her.

"This feels excessive" I mumbled to him, not wanting Gemma to hear me as she waddled in front of us, her eyes taking in the big red barn.

"She looks cute, leave her alone" Colby scolded quietly, squeezing my hand in his.

"I can't believe you bought her a cowgirl hat"

"Well she has to look the part" He declared, turning to look at me, "And I got one for you, but you didn't want it. We all could've been matching"

"When you said you had errands to run, cowgirl hats aren't what I was expecting you to come back with" I snickered, swatting the top of his hat so it would cover his eyes, annoying Colby.

"Whenever you're ready to join in on our fun, just say the word" He hummed, spinning my cowgirl hat on his wrist.

We got our wristbands, Colby paying for the event saying it was part of Gemma's birthday present.

"Are you ready to go have fun G?" He asked her, Gemma holding his hand as we came to a fenced off area for the chickens.

Gemma jumped when one of the chickens squawked, her eyes wide before she could even reply to Colby, her head whipping up to look at Colby, glaring as he laughed at her.

"Can you go cock-a-doodle-doo Gem?" Colby asked, mocking the sound of a rooster, pretending like she wasn't shooting daggers at him for laughing at her.

"Cwockwawoodledooo" She copied, stumbling over herself, melting my heart.

"Hello!" An elderly woman greeted, Gemma's eyes locked on a chicken that was picking up seed. "How old is she?" She asked, Gemma clinging to Colby's leg.

"She just turned two" I smiled fondly, the woman aweing.

"So precious! What's her name?"

"Gemma"

"Hello Gemma! I'm Heather" The woman waved, Colby nudging Gemma's shoulder to see if she'll wave back.

I laughed when she gave a quick fast wave, the woman grabbing an egg out of the coop.

"Would you look at that! It's still warm! Would you like to hold the egg Gemma?" Heather asked, wincing as she crouched down, "These knees don't work the same as they used to" She joked, rocking a little.

"Do you want to hold the egg G?" Colby asked, moving closer to the elderly woman.

"I think she's a little intimidated by the chickens" I snickered, seeing her cling to Colby still, watching a chicken that was coming closer to her.

"G, you're okay" He chuckled, "How about we go hold the egg and get away from the chicken?" he offered and she nodded, walking over to the woman with him after he handed me his phone, the camera already opened and ready.

I snapped a few photos of Gemma holding the egg, her face scrunched up the second the apparent warm egg was in her hand.

"Yucky" She wrinkled her nose, all of us laughing.

"It came from the chickens butt" Colby decided to tell her, Gemma's eyes going wide as her jaw dropped.

"IT'S BUTT?!" She gasped and I swear I was going to wet my pants. "EWWWWWW!" She squealed, dropping the egg on the ground, it splattering. "AH!" She yelled, the yolk landing on her shoe. "Mama!" She yelled, her noises catching the chickens' attention, Colby and I too busy laughing to notice she was balling her eyes out, running to me, chickens squawking as they almost got stepped on.

Colby scooped Gemma up and put her on the back of her shoulders as we walked to the pigs, Gemma covered her nose with her hand, her face scrunched up.

"Coco see moos?!" She asked, Colby shaking his head.

"Not yet, we're gonna see the piggy's!" He did a few pig snorts in her neck making her giggle and shrivel her shoulders up, her hand shoving his face away.

I joined in with him, Colby crouching a little so I could reach, Gemma belly laughing so hard that it went silent.

A man holding a feed bucket placed some of the feed in my hand, telling me to keep an open palm and the pig would eat out of it, my face scrunching up from the slobber left behind.

Colby continued to take photos of us, whether it be singular shots of Gem or I, or photos as a group, he constantly had his phone out taking photos and videos, the smile on both of their faces making me fall even harder for this man.

By the time we reached the cows, Gemma was losing her shit.

I swear you would think she was meeting some boyband member she's been loving for 13 years.

She kept repeating, "Coco mooooo!" and "Mama mooo!" As she excitedly pointed towards them.

"Look baby G, you match!" Colby pointed, her eyes wide.

"MATCH!" She copied, jumping up and down.

"Can you say cow, Gemma?" I asked, picking her up so she had a better look at them.

"COW!"

A cow came over towards us, grazing on the grass and Colby helped Gemma pet the side of the cow, all three of our hands lightly touching the cow when I looked over at Gemma and I could practically see the memory forming inside of her little head.

We were making memories as a family right now, and I just knew this one would be one of her earliest memories and that thought alone made me want to ball my little eyes out.

I took a photo of Gemma and Colby holding hands, walking towards the horses, both of them wearing their cowboy/girl hats.

I wanted to die out of cuteness from today.

There is something about watching my boyfriend and daughter bond together that was really making my ovaries crave something I knew we weren't ready for.

We were immediately matched with a trainer and a horse that was really good with kids, Gemma clinging to me like her life depended on it.

"The horsey is so nice Gemma" Colby tried to engage her, both of us seeing she was extremely nervous.

I picked her up so she didn't feel like the horse was as massive, the trainer coming back with some snacks.

"Would you like to feed Trigger an apple?" The middle aged man asked, placing an apple on the palm of his hand, feeding it to the horse. "He doesn't bite. He's been around kids since he was a foul" He explained to Gemma, Gemma's grip on my shoulder loosened when she watched Colby do it, Colby laughing when the horse's lips touched his hand.

It took a little bit of confidence boosting but we finally got Gemma willing to hold the apple in her hand, Colby taking a photo of G and I next to the horse, telling her to "Smile!" earning the picture perfect toddler cheesy grin, the horse sneaking the apple quickly out of her hand, sending her into a fit of giggles, wiping her now slobbered hand on my shirt, making me gasp.

"Eww, Gemma!" I teased, scrunching my face up, her laugh getting louder.

God I loved her laugh. There was something so incredible about hearing your child belly laugh.

"Babe, look" Colby laughed, showing me a few photos he just took.

The first photo was cute, Gemma was smiling really big, holding her hand out with the apple, a smile on my own face and as you went through the next 2 photos you watched the horse steal it, and then Gemma belly laughing as my face was all scrunched up.

The man put a carrot in his mouth, feeding it to the horse, pretending to kiss the horse which made Gemma laugh and when we watched back the video of Colby copying the man, all you could hear was Gemma's giggles; both Colby and I grinning at the sound.

"Want to try babe?" Colby asked, offering me a carrot and I quickly shook my head. "Why not?"

"Horses scare me" I confessed, glaring at my boyfriend who was trying to hold back his laugh.

"So there is no way I'd get you to ride with me?" He asked and I cringed, wrinkling my nose.

"If Gemma does it, I'll think about it" I bargained, highly doubting my two year old would want to go sit on a horse, considering she seems hesitant to even stand next to it.

"Promise?" He asked and I nodded. "Gemma wanna come sit with Coco and pet the horsey?" Colby asked, "I'll hold you so tight the entire time, promise!" He continued, stepping Into the stirrup and throwing himself over, adjusting slightly before holding out his hand to her.

Gemma was nervous but she nodded, Colby holding his arms out, letting me hand her off to him.

"Look at you, bug!" I cheered, snapping a photo of her, Colby's strong arms moving in front of her, cradling her body. "You're so big!" I grinned, the trainer grabbing the leading rope.

I kept my eyes locked on the loves of my life, one because I was scared as hell that something would happen to Gemma, and two I loved the way Colby held her and he would murmur things to her, making her laugh.

Everything felt surreal today. The idea that this could be our everyday, hanging out and exploring the world together felt like a fairytale you'd only see in Disney, yet here I was, living the dream that I never would've imagined for myself.

They walked around a bit until Gemma seemed like she was over it, Colby giving me a knowing look.

"Come on baby" He said and I quickly shook my head.

"Absolutely not!"

"Leighton, we had a deal!"

"She's two! She doesn't know how scary the world is yet!" I argued back, nerves starting to crawl up my skin.

"Exactly! If a two year old can do it, a twenty three year old can do it" he tried again but I held my ground.

"That's not how fears work Cole!"

"Please, you promised! Gemma, tell mommy you want her to ride horses with us!" Colby tried to coax her, the trainer feeding Trigger another apple, rubbing his snout.

One way or another I wound up on the horse, Colby keeping me steady and the trainer handed me Gemma and I locked my arms around her.

I held my breath as the horse started to move, my whole body going rigid.

"Breathe baby" Colby murmured against my ear but I struggled, closing my eyes which ended up being more terrifying, popping them back open.

"It's cute you're scared of horses" he snickered softly in my ear.

"Me being afraid if something is cute? You're twisted Brock!" I hissed, my thumbs rubbing in a soothing motion over the fabric of Gemma's clothes.

"I would've never picked you out in a lineup as a girl afraid of horses" He hummed, the horse picking up pace a bit, the air getting knocked out of my lungs. "Baby, you're okay. We're barely moving. Gemma's having fun, relax" he coaxed, his thumb rubbing against my arm, my head leaning back against his chest as I tried to breathe.

I felt his breath against my ear, his low smooth words sending a chill down my spine. "Feel like a princess yet, darling?" He asked, and I stifled a groan, the memory of me telling him sometimes I wanted to feel like a princess coming to mind. Colby's teeth graced the shell of my ear, avoiding my piercings before kissing my cheek.

The car ride home was full of laughter and singing, Colby and I stealing glances at each other as we listened to Gemma try and along to the radio until she fell asleep, clutching her new stuffed cow that Coby had gotten her from the gift shop, the car coming to a blissful silence.

Colby's thumb grazed my knuckles, his eyes on the road when I turned to look at him.

"Today was really fun, I'm glad we got to hang out together like this before you have to leave to go film. It felt really nice to see you guys hang out. Made me feel like maybe I had finally found a good path to walk down" I said quickly, biting my bottom lip at the end, afraid to admit those words too loudly.

"I always have a blast when I'm with my girls" He said, causing my stomach to flip, bringing my hand to his mouth, leaving two sweet kisses.

"Thank you for being an incredible Coco to her. You're truly one of a kind" I murmured, a boyish grin on his face as he listened to my words.

"Thank you for allowing me to be her Coco. I love that little girl like she was my own you know" he said, stopping my heart.

"You mean that?" I questioned, my voice cracking.

He chuckled, glancing over at me, "She's been mine since the second my eyes landed on her beautiful little face, straight out of your vagina" he half joked, shooting me a grin.

"I love your story telling babe, it's very visualizing and heartfelt" I teased, Colby squeezing my hand.

"The best for the best!" He grinned, our facial expressions matching as I let out a content sigh.

"Thank you for choosing me" I said quietly, turning to look out of the window.

"I didn't choose you baby, you found me and it's been quite the ride since" He teased. "I uh.. I know you thought me loving you was fast.. and that.. you were worried I didn't know what I was getting into.. that I was playing some sort or game or whatever.. but when you know you know. The second I really got to know you.. it was over for me. Not only did this eccentric girl drive me wild, but her beautiful little daughter had me wrapped around her finger too. You're my girls. At the end of the day I'm coming home to you. I lay in my bed and I think about you. Ever since... ever since I found out you were pregnant, it was weird. I didn't think I'd want to be involved, you know? And then I heard her perfect little heartbeat and something just flipped in my chest. I saw you in this whole new light. You weren't a stranger sitting in my living room anymore. You started to open up more and really let us get to know you, all because of that little girl back there. If anything, I owe my entire source of happiness to Gemma. You two have truly changed my life since day one, and I wouldn't change it for the world. Today was the first of many family dates, and I can wholeheartedly tell you I can't wait for me... which uh.. leads me to my next question" He said, sounding nervous which made my heart race, my insides going in all sorts of circles as I felt a plethora of emotions run through me.

"Which is?"

"Will you come home and meet my parents?"

* * * *

a/n: Each photo is a slide

colbybrock: Happy birthday to my partner in crime! I can't believe 2 years ago today I had the privilege to watch you come into this world and we haven't left each others side since! Dream big bug, coco loves you! November 25th 2022

* * * *

A chapter of wholesome fluff could only mean one thing...

Written on: January 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th 2023

Published on: January 7th 2023

Word Count: 8.3k

Part Forty Nine

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