#they'll have a longer talk later and come out stronger

[cricketnationrise]

hello! :) THIS IS SO CUTE I CAN'T WAIT FOR A POSSIBLE CRICKET EXCLUSIVE!! because i am obsessed with u fr but that's common knowledge. <3

for the ficlet fest, if you'd like:

time stamp: 2:23am

location: brownstone

character: alex/henry

song: this is me trying by taylor swift (only if you want!!!!!!!)

rating: whatever you'd like

but like you can go any direction with this I'm just always projecting my adhd/anxiety/not good enough feelings onto alex on a regular basis :')

my ao3: firenati0n | Archive of Our Own (same as tumblr user)

THANK YOU SO MUCH! SENDING LOVE XOXO

your cricket exclusive is here! i actually went full on henry pov with this one bc my brain got stuck on the trying of it all. so have some first post-canon fight make up. this is actually the longest ficlet yet, but somehow i don't think that'll be a problem 😂 💜🦗

read the rest of the ficlets here!

❤️🤍💙❤️🤍💙

2:32am, brownstone

The brownstone is quiet when he returns, which is completely reasonable for just after two-thirty in the bloody morning. 

It’s also immaculate, which is decidedly less so, especially considering the state of the place when Henry stomped out a few hours ago. 

The hallway is clear of trip hazards, shoes neatly in the rack. The kitchen gleams in the range hood light; counters clear and wiped down, small appliances lined up as precisely as Buckingham guards. Peeking his head in the for-once dark office reveals two tidy desks, chairs pushed in, and both of their laptops plugged in and charging. 

The den at the base of the stairs makes Henry pause. The stacks of books have been put away. The coasters on the coffee table have been relieved of their burdens of half-drunk tea cups and abandoned coffee mugs. In the dim light from the street lamps through the window, Henry can even see vacuum lines in the carpet. A second glance has Henry taking cautious steps inside.

There is one thing out of place after all. 

On the couch, propped on a few of the numerous throw pillows Pez insisted upon, and tucked into the quilt Ellen sent them, is Alex. Like an anchor to the ocean floor, Henry is drawn into the room, and to Alex’s side. 

He kneels between the coffee table and the couch near Alex’s head and just looks for a long moment. Alex clearly hasn’t been sleeping well. The couch is too short, even for Alex’s shorter frame, so his legs are tucked uncomfortably. His curls are more of a wild mess than normal, like he’s been tugging at them. Alex is gripping the quilt as tightly as he normally clutches Henry, and there’s deep furrows on his forehead. 

Henry should let him sleep, probably—neither of them have been sleeping all that well. Increased paparazzi presence as Alex’s first semester of law school starts and Henry takes a more active role in the shelter has been stressful. But Henry can’t help but reach out and try to smooth those lines on his forehead. Something churning and tense settles inside him when his gentle touch has Alex’s eyes blinking open, a small smile on his face when he recognizes Henry.. 

“You came back.”

“Of course I did, love.”

Alex exhales messily, blinking back tears now. “I wasn’t sure— After earlier—”

Henry shushes him with a hand on his cheek. “I will always come back to you. Promised I was done being an obtuse fuckin’ asshole, didn’t I?”

“You still left, though,” Alex says.

It’s Henry’s turn to fight back tears. “I could hear myself sounding more and more like Philip at his worst. It scared me. I didn’t want to subject you to that, to even inadvertently use my knowledge of you as a weapon. So I left before words I didn’t actually mean could find their mark.” He sways forward, resting his forehead on Alex’s, needing to be closer. “You deserve more than sharply aimed words, especially when you haven’t done a thing wrong.” 

“Hen…”

“I’m sorry Alex. I shouldn’t have— I knew it would be different once the paparazzi got wind of our plans, but I wasn’t prepared for how much more invasive they would feel. I’m having a hard time adjusting to life beyond Kensington’s thick walls and I started to take it out on you.”

Alex’s hand pulls on his shoulder. “C’mere.”

Henry climbs onto the couch and sprawls undignified on top of Alex, tucking his head into the crook of his neck. Alex’s hands, as ever, hold him steady, rubbing large circles across his back.

“There were two people in our fight, Henry. You aren’t the only one struggling. Or taking it out on the person he loves.” He presses a kiss to Henry’s temple. “I could hear echoes of my parents, but couldn’t figure out how to stop the word vomit. And that scared me—I never want you and I to be like them.”

Henry pulls his head back to meet his gaze fiercely. “Never.”

Alex smiles at his vehement tone, but it's got a rueful edge to it. “We’re gonna have to figure out how to talk about this stuff before it blows up in our faces again.” 

“Not tonight, though?”

“Nah, not tonight.” 

They’re quiet for a long moment, curled around each other on the couch, when a niggling thought finds its way past Henry’s lips. 

“Alex?”

“Hmm?”

“Why were you on the couch? Did you— Did you not want to be in our room?”

Alex holds him tighter. “I— You left and— So I was cleaning, and I did this room last, and when I was done there was no way stairs were happening, so I just collapsed here. I didn’t  actually think I'd fall asleep, I don't usually when you aren’t right next to me.”

“So it wasn’t because you wanted space from me?”

“Fucking hell, baby. No, I never want space. I want the opposite of space from you. If I could figure out a way to crawl into your rib cage every night I would.”

“Oh.” The last bit of tension leaves Henry’s body at that and he relaxes fully on top of Alex. 

“Yeah, oh.” Alex chuckles. “But, as nice as you feel on top of me, it’s late and this couch ain’t big enough for the two of us.” 

“You fit on it better than I do,” Henry can’t help but tease.

“First of all, rude. Second of all, I also have to pee so get up before I shove you off.” 

Reluctantly, Henry stands and reaches down to help Alex up after him. Henry folds the quilt and hangs it over the back of the couch, smoothing the last wrinkles with his hand. When he straightens up, Alex is only halfway up the stairwell. 

“Meet you in bed?” Alex whispers.

Henry climbs up to meet him. “Always, love.”

#cricket writes #firenati0n #ficlet fest 500 #rwrb #pov henry #the brownstone #they'll have a longer talk later and come out stronger #but early mornings are for lovingly flopping on top of your boyfriend

[satoru-yuuji]

The memories we just watched such a foreshadowing and twist (I know obv-manga-) but

Gojo said you know what that means right? With his look and Megumi said/thought "I cannot ever be able to beat you"

We know that yes sukuna is possessing him but it was still MEGUMI vs GOJO. His mahoraga vs infinity+ six eye user. Thousand years later. Just like they talked.

Megumi did kill gojo w his technique proving himself that he IS stronger than him. Sukuna's power/being inside him only made Megumi alive, he's only standing because of extra strength which is sukuna. Megumi also would die (which actually he's on the verge of dying inside his body 👀 -crying-)

My meaning is that; we have seen this as foreshadowing but also it proves -imho- that Megumi is equal to Gojo. They took out/ neutralised each other in the end. This Megumi will always think he's lesser and weaker than his Gojo sensei until he actually gets in the battle w him (thank u sukuna now be gone🔪🔪) and actually kills him and sees gojo died with his own hands.

Also I think why Gojo's death affected him to the core more because the fact that he really truly wasn't even entertained the thought of he can kill/beat gojo in one on one battle, like they've talked. He really cannot believe it and sukuna took advantage. I really hope he can gain his power back and not grief over him and his sister because it's his only way to kick sukuna or at least regain control of his body and mind.

They'll forever be each other's equal. Infinity & six eyes = ten shadows+ mahoraga and rest. Whoever will come next after them they'll be the same too.

Gojo actually meant that they can change their clans clashing/opposing history and be strong together and they'll be unstoppable, in the best & good way possible. Gojo envisioned this future with him the second he met him and the look on his face changed I swear that was the moment.

I may and will add more to this idk if anyone wants to because there's moreee definitely. I might reblog them under this 🫣

I know I wrote a bit longer and maybe it looks complicated to you but I wanted to say this I couldn't add the pictures from their conversations but it's everywhere so I think it's alright. I wanna talk about them more if anyone is willing to listen or read. 👀🥲 I missed them both.. 😣

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen 2 #megumi fushiguro #ryomen sukuna #gojo satoru #itadori yuuji #itadori yuji #jjk s2 #jjk season 2 #jjk shibuya arc #jjk spoilers #jujutsu manga #jujutsu kaisen anime #jujutsu kaisen manga #jjk meta #jjk thoughts #jjk theory #jjk manga spoilers #fushiguro megumi #yuji itadori #yuuji itadori #sukuna #satoru gojo #aurora talks .ೃ࿐

[chubbyheadquarters]

s/o who is a low tier demon who fell in love with redson and admires him enimes to lovers please and s/o's family is just worried cause the dbk family is more powerful than them

Gotcha!

Genre: Romantic

Pronouns: Gender-Neutral

TW/CW: None

Character(s): Red Son

You happened to meet him during one of your nightly strolls when y'all we're kids. He was beating up some thugs who dared challenge him. It amazed you how fast one can be, how intense his flames were, just how much power he had. When you spot each other, you're running away at the speed of light. He's confused, but doesn't give it much thought.

Until he sees you again...and again... Watching him with admiration as he beats his foes. And everytime he sees you or tries to talk, you run away. He doesn't get it! Why are coming to him and running as soon as he sees you!? He's gonna get you sooner or later and question you about it. You ask who he is and tell him how cool you think he is. "Of course! I, Red Son, belong to the Noble Bull Family! We surpass all who stand in our way!"

The Bull Family were feared by a lot of low tiered demons, but some were foolish enough to challenge them. Not your family though. They knew when to step back and accept defeat. Bull King could flick you away without using any strength, or toss you like a ragdoll. Princess Iron Fan could sweep her enemies away if she wanted too. Their son wielded FIRE. A powerful force that could not only knock you away, but hurt you to a terrible degree.

It does not help that your family are WATER users and you're STILL weak. Granted, your family's powers were used more for quick attacks and healing. But you wanted to strengthen the attack, to use your powers longer. But no matter how much you trained, and though you slowly gained a bit of progress, you couldn't catch up. Still, you tried to be optimistic about it!

When you finally gain enough confidence and meet him the next day, it's a bit awkward. You nervously challenge him with the promise to get one hit on him, so he decides to entertain you. You both fight and he kicks your butt, but you're not mad about it and leave with the promise to get him tomorrow. It gets him to chuckle, unbeknownst to you.

When you come home, all roughed up and tell them what happened, your parents voice their concern, saying that although you have water magic, your family doesn't have the strength to stand next to the Bull Family and that one wrong move could get you seriously hurt. But you tell them not to worry, and that you're just sparring with their son. It doesn't lessen their fears, but decide to trust your decision.

Red Son, on the other hand, admires how you keep coming back to challenge him. It gives him something else to do and helps him de-stress. He also likes how determined you are to get stronger and show him how tough you can be. How being defeated doesn't get you down. He sees potential in you, so he wants to help bring it out.

It becomes a thing you both begin to look forward to. Your parents still worry, but see how happy you've become, so they let you be. His parents let him be, since it seems to be productive for him. When you both meet, you save the greetings and spar first. Afterwards, you'll talk about new moves or family stuff. Sometimes, you'll get him to smile, laugh even, and it gets your heart going.

You had decided a long time ago that you'd never tell him your feelings, since you believed that his family wouldn't accept you-that HE wouldn't accept you. So when, through whatever means, he finds out, you're absolutely devastated and REFUSE to meet him anymore.

Your parents are shocked by his visit, but explain that you're not feeling well. And when they'll tell you of his visit, you're freaking out. Why would he visit!? Did he want to tell you to your face that you never had a chance with him? Nope! You're not gonna let that happen! You're gonna get stronger!

Eventually, he finds you training all alone and confronts you, challenging you to a duel. You accept, and after calling it a draw, he questions you about why you've been avoiding him and your feelings towards him. "If I got stronger, then I thought you and your family would accept me. I just... I just wanted to be good enough...for you..." Cue blush on Red Son's face and him stuttering that you are, which causes you to blush.

By the end of your nervous conversation, you're together. Your parents are still worried, but are more so happy for you. Red Son tries to soothe their worries and promises to keep you happy. His parents are neutral on it, not really having an opinion on you. After all, they haven't seen you in action, and they have high expectations. You plan on doing your best, and Red Son will be there with you every step of the way.

Sorry if there are any spelling/grammar errors!

#chubby reader #lmk x chubby reader #lmk x reader #lmk x y/n #lego monkie kid #lmk #x chubby reader #red son x chubby reader #red son x reader

[bil-daddy]

Bildaddy, i too need some relationship advice. So i had this friend, and we're really good friends, but we both started to develop feelings for each other like 9 months ago. However, my feelings for this person have gradually gone away and i don't feel any kind of attraction to this person at all now, but apperently they still have feelings for me, like more then they had inatially. How to i break it off with them, without hurting their feelings, or ruining our friendship?

Gosh, kid (species and age neutral) this one's s a toughie. Unrequited feelings don't have to ruin a friendship, but they will change it.

And I'm sorry to be the bearer (goater) of bad news, but there's no way to tell your friend you've lost feelings without hurting theirs. There just isn't.

But you can do what you can to soften the blow, while still being honest.

Tell your friend that while you care a lot about them (which you clearly do, since you're worried about losing the friendship), your feelings have become completely (platonic) and you don't think that will change--it's important not to give your friend false hope. (So don't say "I'm not ready right now" or anything that implies you might be with them romantically at a later time.)

A written message (dm, text, email) is better. It will be easier for you get your thoughts together before sending, and to say everything you need to say without being interrupted or swayed by their reaction. Also it will allow your friend to react in private.

Then, give them the space they need to process the news. They'll probably be upset, and need to take some time apart.

You can check in on them later, but if it becomes an argument or them trying to convince you to change your mind, don't engage with that. You need to protect yourself as well, not just your friend.

After a couple days, reach out and talk to them as you normally would. See how they respond, and take their lead on if they're ready to be just friends or if they need more time.

And if you yourself need time, then take it. You shouldn't feel guilty, but if you do, don't let your guilt, well, guilt you into doing things that harm your mental health because you think you owe to your friend for no longer returning their feelings.

You've done nothing wrong. Neither has your friend. It's just an unlucky situation.

Sorry you both are in it, anon, but if it was meant to be, you two will come out on the other side of this with a stronger friendship.

Have an ox rib (platonic) for you and your friend (platonic)

#bildaddy answers (eventually) #bildad the shuhite #bildad nation #bildaddy answers #bildad brainrot #oh bildad we're really in it now #oh bildad the shuhite we're really in it now #bildad the shuhite army #bildaddy #bildad my beloved #Bilday #midwife and cobbler monday #have an ox rib (platonic) #shutanic temple

[janeelyakiri]

Skellie's kid comes home crying, having just found out they've been cheated on by their partner. How do the skellies handle it?

Macaw- Does his best to soothe them. Gives them ideas on how to recover and move on, and is there for them.

Lupo- The same, but also asks where this partner lives. For reasons. Non endangering arson reasons.

Falcon- Ah fuck, kiddo... That sucks! Here, lets get you some icecream and sad movies. Here's a giftcard to that store yeh love, bout 200$ on it. Papa's here, he's got cash, we can do whatever you want t'forget that asshat. An' don't you worry... they won't be an issue much longer.

Jackal- Oh he already *knew*. His men followed that TRAMP the day his little royal came home eagerly showing them off. But he knew he couldn't make a move yet. It breaks his soul to see his child hurt so, but he'll make it better. And later when they're tucked into bed sleeping, he'll have a talk with that scoundrel.

Jay- Does that whole 'I knew they were bad news you shoulda listened to me.' spiel. But he tries to help them in an awkward dad way.

Fox- 'Ohhh no no it's ok shhh...' He hugs them and comforts, makes them hot tea and gets to work baking their favorite sweets. He listens to all their woes and while he can't offer much advice, he does his best. It's a part of life, of living and experiencing new things. they'll make it through this stronger, and he'll be there to help no matter what.

Crow- A bit of his own trauma will spike his LV a bit and the kid will see the rare FURY Crow can have. But he calms and focuses on his child. Hearing them out, offering tea and food, and when they're feeling better... Offers to help prank and trap the living HELL out of the ex.

Hound- Another care of 'child has rarely seen angry papa'. A bit of hellhound shows, but he focuses on his kid first. And like Crow, helps to make the Ex's life MISERABLE. Just after everything he then shortcuts to the ex when no one is around and threatens to toss them into the void if they ever so much as THINK about his pup.

Vulture- "... Mate, m'goin' huntin'. Keep cub home."

Hyena- Already knew, just waits for his cub to return home then heads out. These two are not going to be stopped.

Robin- It's one thing if HE makes his family miserable... But NO ONE ELSE IS ALLOWED TO.

Dingo- Torn between soothe pup and hunt. He tries to soothe, but his LV and DT are burning. He ends up tracking down this Ex. Free EXP.

#macaw!sans #lupo!papyrus #falcon!sans #jackal!papyrus #jay!sans #fox!papyrus #crow!sans #hound!papyrus #vulture!sans #hyena!papyrus #robin!sans #dingo!papyrus #asking bone bois

[dandelion-wings]

Um Amber and Kaeya? Or any of the Jean and Kaeya or Diluc and Kaeya ones?

The Amber and Kaeya piece is a little action-adventure story with a bit of hurt/comfort added in--Amber rescues Kaeya from a meet-up with Treasure Hoarders gone wrong, and in the process Baron Bunny blows a hole in the top of some buried architecture in Old Mondstadt and they all fall in! So Amber and a badly concussed Kaeya have to flee angry Treasure Hoarders through an underground warren of old collapsed/buried buildings from Decarabian's time. It doesn't have an organized emotional arc or plot sequence yet, I've just been writing cool scenes for it as little treats for myself now and then, and am gonna worry about connecting them later. In that spirit, here's part of one I've been considering for a while:

"Stop," Amber hisses, her arm tightening around Kaeya's waist as she pulls him to a stumbling halt.

More of his weight falls upon her for a moment as he struggles to find his balance, and then he straightens, his hand tightening on her shoulder even as he draws himself up. He's seen the same thing she has: the faint purple glow filling the gallery ahead, emanating off the hovering figure floating back and forth across it as if pacing in mid-air. Amber has never seen such a powerful agent of the Abyss Order except at a distance. Her orders if she does encounter one is to stay well back out of sight, to report their movements as soon as possible, and to never, ever engage. But she knows what an Abyss Lector is.

Ahead of them, the Abyss Lector turns in their direction, starting to slowly drift their way. Amber doesn't think it's spotted them yet--it's not moving fast enough. But if it keeps coming this way, it will. She glances around the hall. Most of the doorways to either side are crumbled in, or filled with dirt, or blocked by the roots that wind through earth and stone alike. But one of them has just enough of a gap that she should be able to wiggle through. Actually, she knows that she could, but Kaeya is taller and broader and getting more and more clumsy and tired as they go on.

It's their only chance, so they'll have to try it anyway. Amber tugs him sideways and back towards the door, and he follows, crouching low to help as she tries to usher him through. Then he stumbles, and groans, and the faint violet glow in the hallway turns suddenly much brighter as a shield flares to life around the alerted Abyss Lector.

"Fuck." Kaeya pulls away from her, jerking free of her grip. "Let me do the talking."

Then he turns about, hands up, smiling almost the exact way he'd smiled at the Treasure Hoarders, except that it looks even less convincing when he's this shade of grey-green and unsteady on his feet, his eye barely focusing. He opens his mouth and what comes out isn't even Mond, or any other language Amber has heard. It sounds almost like the chatter of hilichurls or Cryo Mages, syllables she's used to hearing as high-pitched jabber coming out slower and smoother, almost slurred. Actually slurred, in a few places where he stumbles on his words.

Pausing in front of them, the Lector folds its hands in front of its waist and answers in the same foreign tongue. There's a sort of buzz to its words, a crackle akin to the Electro around it. Amber reaches down, slowly and carefully, to grip her bow, and begins working her other hand towards her quiver as subtly as she can. Kaeya's wobbly smile grows a little stronger as he replies, something brief and almost careless-sounding--and then the Lector says something else, something that Amber can catch "Alberich" in, and Kaeya's smile drops at the same time it raises its hands again, Electro crackling around its catalyst.

As for the other stuff….

Both Jean and Kaeya pieces are theoretical follow-ups to One Day Longer that got put on pause when I fell into the Bells and Spires-verse and have now been in abeyance long enough that Hidden Strife jossed ODL and means they may have to be massively reworked. XD;; Especially "the enemy's gate is down," because that was supposed to be my canon-compliant take on Jean and Kaeya taking out Eroch… and the original theory was them sneaking around on their own to find evidence to take to Varka, instead of Varka straight-up assigning Jean the investigation. So, well, there's that. I feel like I can still save the sneaking-around in regards to the actual investigation (and Kaeya's involvement), though!

Since that one needs so much reworking to be functional again, you will instead get a small snippet from "deeper in and through," which is more about developing out their friendship than about actual canonical events and thus needs less fixing (though since it's also less blatantly non-canon-compliant I'm considering leaving it as-is as a sequel to ODL… I'll figure it out one way or another). So for now I'm just going to continue here right from where I left off last time I touched it:

As promised, she writes Kaeya off sick first thing the next morning. No one blinks twice at it, even Sir Rahel. In Mondstadt, anyone turning eighteen is expected to drink to excess.

He's there at morning assembly the next day, as clean and polished as anyone else in her company, and just as quick with his salute. Which means he'd at least had the wisdom not to compound the problem by treating the hangover with more of the cause. Jean hopes he recovered early enough in the day to have at least enjoyed his afternoon.

She finds reassurance on that front when she returns to her office after assigning patrols and drills. There's a folded paper on the desk; when she opens it, two windwheel asters, pressed flat in the fold, fall out. Kaeya hasn't signed the "thank you" written there, but he doesn't have to. She knows that elegant, looping handwriting. Jean folds the windwheel asters back into the paper and holds it for a moment, smiling.

"A secret admirer?" her lieutenant asks, following her into the room.

"No." Jean shakes her head and tucks the little token into her desk. "Just a friend."

"If you say so," he says, with a knowing grin, but lets her redirect the conversation into business.

The Diluc & Kaeya fics are the wingfic, which has the central premise of "what if everyone in Mondstadt is born with wings, and Kaeya was given false ones through mad science-magic to fit in" (and then got a little derailed into the Unfortunate Implications of all the lies Kaeya was told to tell Crepus to justify not knowing how to use them), and the one with Rosaria and her bandit gang, in which said gang captures Diluc and Kaeya as young knights and Kaeya bonds with Rosaria (contributing to Varka sparing her later on). I feel like three excerpts is probably a good limit for one ask, haha, and I was secretly hoping someone would ask for the wingfic because I want to start working on it again and was hung up on the last scene, so we'll see if I can power through a few more lines with ask incentive. :D

This time he's not standing at the top of the stairs, at least, although Diluc had protested that he'd started gliding there when he was young. The stairs in the manor are narrower and steeper than those in the mansion in town, and Kaeya doesn't like the idea of slamming into the wall halfway down. The Ragnvindr had seen Kaeya's wary looks and suggested the table instead to start with.

"He could just jump down from there," Diluc had protested.

"And that should make it easier if he flaps or closes his wings," the Ragnvindr had said, calmly, in a level tone that Kaeya is beginning to understand means, at least here in the winery, that the discussion is closed, because this man's word is law. Even Diluc doesn't often argue further.

Now Kaeya is standing on the table, the Ragnvindr to one side and Diluc to the other, a pile of pillows and blankets beneath him. All he has to is spread his wings and jump. It shouldn't be hard; Diluc's right, he could jump down this short a distance without a moment's fear. It's not any different with his wings spread. He swallows hard.

"Come on," Diluc says, eager and impatient. "It's not that far."

"Patience," the Ragvindr chides him.

He's right, though. It isn't that far. Kaeya spreads his wings out, the way Diluc has said people aren't not supposed to until they jump, but the Ragnvindr had said wouldn't be a problem inside, and hops off the table. His wings catch the air, and he tenses in anticipation of the pull and snap he'd felt last time--but there's nothing but a gentle tug for the few seconds it takes before he hits the pillows, legs folding under him because he'd bent them when he flinched. The Ragnvindr catches his shoulder before he can topple over.

It hadn't hurt. Nothing had torn, nothing had broken, and it hadn't hurt. Kaeya lets out the breath he'd been holding.

#why not meme i guess #fic excerpt #(plural XD)

[lady-lycany]

Today I want to talk about something different than I usually do, cuz I think that it could help some people out there, just as it helped me a lot... (could be a bit more to read tho)

Have you ever heard the term "Tulpa"? if not, please take your time and research it, if you're interested in what I'm about to tell... Tulpas are basically "Imaginary friends" but- it's a little different... It's like creating ghosts over a longer period of time... It's not like "imagine" that someone's there, but more like feeling the presence, smelling them, hearing them and seeing them more clearly in front of your inner eye... Giving them their own personality, their own thoughts... They're not really controllable, they're their own beings...

I heard the term Tulpa for the first time from an internet friend, and after hearing his explanation, I just realized, that I already created three by accident... I don't want to talk too much about the first one... I mean, I guess we all were in that phase, where we were in love with some kind of character- That happened to me when I was 12... Since that day, I always imagined that he would be with me, 24/7 and somehow turned him into my Tulpa... That thing went on for over 5 years, and to keep a long story short- with the "help" of an old friend of mine, she kinda destroyed everything I build up and made him disappear... This was a really hard time for me and I got strongly depressed about not being able to see, hear and feel him around me anymore... I felt like a part of myself left me, since the connection was pretty strong... What I want to tell with that story- If you should decide to create your own Tulpa, or maybe already did, and realizing it after reading my text, be very careful with creating a partner... If you want to do it, be aware that they have feelings too and that you can ruin your mental health with losing them... Or, you will lose total interest in finding a partner in the real world, cuz everything will feel like betraying/cheating...

If you want to create something, that can go on forever without any problems, create a best friend, maybe a talking pet or a family member... There are less problems with that, but many many awesome things... Now to come to my second created Tulpas... They're also already existing characters, but such side characters, that they only appeared on one manga page without a text or anything, but were kind of the main characters in a musical- I'm talking about Eric Slingby & Alan Humphries from the 2010 musical of Kuroshitsuji... Idk what exactly it was, but when I watched the musical (I think it was between 2015-2016) I felt like I would already know these for quite some time... And through an online rpg Eric became my brother and Alan my brother in law... (Eric is not really my bro but was a family friend and helped with raising me, so he's basically like my older brother... I have a way stronger connection to him, cuz Alan came later into our life) And I cannot explain H O W glad I am to have these two in my life... I think I started to turn them into Tulpas, cuz I always was afraid of losing my grandparents and these two also have some similarities with them in their characteristics... But not only do they help me with my fear of losing people (Cuz I know, no matter how many people will leave my life, these two will always stay with me) but in so so many other situations... No matter if they helped me with learning for school, taking me home from work/school, listening to my problems, giving advices I never would come up with myself, cheering me up if everything else sucks, and and and... I could call out so many more things I'm greatful for... For real it's a good thing, that I can't lose them, cuz If I could, I would never be the same person again... I don't even have to have them around me 24/7 (they live in a different house than I do so basically I'm only there to visit them or the other way around) It's enough to know that if I need them they'll be there for me <3

I know that some people will maybe think that this is cringe or childish but for real, whatever helps to stay happy, shouldn't be judged... And that's why I talk about... I think especially in these challenging times, there are probably many people out there, who could need someone who won't leave or hurt them...

If I should talk about this topic again, maybe explain how I created them or something, feel free to tell me, if you're interested in it and research about it, if you have problems with creating them on your own... :3

#tulpa #tulpamancy #always alone #eric slingby #alan humphries #self help #help #feeling alone #imagine #imaginary

[babyboyblasty]

CHAPTER 5:

Jirou used her headphone jacks to listen in and try to track down Iida and Mineta's location. "Do you hear anything, Earphone Jack?" Kamanari asked, looking around at all the fake city buildings.

"Not yet. I hear some noise but it's hard to pinpoint exactly" she responded, concentrating hard. She put her hands over her earpieces to try and listen better. It was like there was noise coming from everywhere. Kaminari put his arms over his head. "Well how about we go looking for Hagakure? You can listen as we go" he suggested and Jirou nodded.

They walked for a few minutes before they went inside a building. Jirou used her quirk to try and listen for invisible girl's heartbeat but she didn't pick up anything so they moved on. Kaminari talked like usual, trying to make casual conversation as they searched, but Jirou only half-heartedly listened as she found it odd that neither Mineta nor Iida had shown up yet. It was only moments later that Jirou suddenly stopped. "KAMINARI!" she called out but her warning came too late as Iida jumped out from behind a building and ran full speed towards them.

"You're mine, heroes!" Iida laughed and Mineta, who was hanging on for dear life on his back, started to blindly throw the purple spheres on his head at them. Kaminari and Jirou both blocked them and when Jirou tried to plug her jacks to the ground and create an earthquake with the vibrations of her heartbeat, Mineta was thrown at her. He smiled sheepishly up at the girl from where he was clinging like a koala around her middle and Jirou scowled, sticking a plug in his head.

"I thought you'd try to do that. Apologies, fellow classmates, but I am not your friend right now" Iida ran and grabbed a hold of Jirou's lobes to run around in circles around them and tie her and Kaminari back to back with them like he remembered Mirio-senpai did when they were first years.

"Jirou, Kaminari, you've been immobilized by the enemy. Villain team wins. Group one, please return to the gates. Group two, make your way to the center" Aizawa's voice came through the speakers.

...

Team two's turn out resulted in a victorious Ashido and Kirishima though it was a close one. Momo as a villain is a dangerous thing and half the class watching suddenly found themselves grateful she was on their side.

"Group three, to the center" Aizawa called out and Bakugou muttered curse words under his breath the whole time as he walked a few steps ahead of his other classmates. While they were going to be strategizing and fighting, Bakugou was just going to sit there like a damsel in distress and wait to be saved. It pissed him off.

"Tokoyami, Aoyama, your time starts now" their teacher pressed down on his seven minute timer.

"Dark Shadow!" Tokoyami started and the shadow monster quickly shot out of him to wrap itself around Bakugou's waist and lift him up. "On it, Fumikage!" The blonde had to resist the initial urge to ignite an explosion against bird brain's face. "Let's move, Can't Stop Twinkling!" Tokoyami began to run and Aoyama struck a pose to his two other classmates, sparkles seeming to come off him. "Oui !" he replied before turning and following after him. There wasn't much Bakugou could do but let himself be carried off god knows where.

...

"I hope you know that I'm letting you do this. I can defeat you and cheese boy with my eyes closed if I wanted to" Bakugou frowned, a bit bitter, and Tokoyami sighed. "I know, Bakugou."

Aoyama was keeping guard while Tokoyami had Dark Shadow put him on the balcony of some building, half hidden. Apparently, the plan was to lure the heroes in with him like bait then surprise attack after they wasted a few minutes searching which Bakugou thought was pretty fucking stupid. Half n half and the nerd were way stronger than both of them, and no, Bakugou wasn't complementing them. He was just saying that they sucked less.

He had nothing to do but lay down and pretend he was passed out. Bakugou didn't make a sound or move. He didn't know how many minutes had passed until he heard Deku and Shoto. About fucking time.

...

"Kacchan!" Deku called out, looking around. So far there haven't been any signs of Aoyama or Tokoyami anywhere but he was keeping an eye open for that. "He's passed out, Midoriya. Bakugou won't answer" Shoto looked over at the boy who sheepishly smiled and scratched the back of his neck. "Well, yeah, but we don't know that yet" he mumbled and Todoroki smiled but only slightly at his friend. He doesn’t think he’d ever completely understand Izuku’s thought process.

"Kacchan!" he called out again. They had approximately twelve minutes left before the time ran out so he had to hurry and save Kacchan before it's too late. His eyes shifted over to Shoto for a second. Was it wrong that he preferred he was doing this on his own? Shoto was amazing but he also knew he had the abilities to save Kacchan himself.

Shoto used his ice to create a structure high enough to climb and check if he could see Bakugou from up there. He looked around before he saw a bit of blonde on a building balcony a street or two away. Shoto looked down at where Izuku was, green lightning surrounding him as he kept watch for their other two classmates. He felt a bit hesitant about telling him. Shoto looked back at where he saw Bakugou and peered his eyes. Surely it had to be a trap, why else would they place him there of all places? "Midoriya! He's in the red building over there, straight ahead, but I think it might be a trap" he called down to him and Izuku nodded in understanding. They'll just have to be extra careful then.

Shoto and Deku quickly ran over to where he saw Bakugou. "You stay here. I can go" Shoto looked straight up at the balcony.

"That's okay, Todoroki-kun. You stay and I'll go using Full cowling" Izuku smiled. Todoroki kept his lips in a tight line.

Todoroki was about to say something more when out of the corner of his eye he saw a beam of light coming his way and he managed to dodge the attack, pushing Izuku out of the way as well. Aoyama's naval laser had grown stronger over the years and the boy was now able to pierce through a building if he focused enough. "Now, Dark Shadow!" Tokoyami yelled. At the same time that Aoyama attacked, the boy was flying straight towards them at great speed, Dark Shadow holding him around the waist wrapped under his cape. It was something he learned at Pro-hero Hawks agency, taking advantage of Dark Shadows ability to float. "Abyssal Black Body Sabath!" he called and two large shadow claws formed around his hands. Todoroki ignited his left side but with Dark Shadow hidden under Tokoyami's cloak, the effect seemed to have only little effect as both of Dark Shadow's claws hit Midoriya and him and sent them flying in opposite directions.

Todoroki and Izuku fought tooth and nail against both Aoyama and Tokoyami. It was only until Todoroki was able to create a well timed blast of ice to cage both Tokoyami and Aoyama in that Deku was able to go up to the balcony. Izuku stared down at Bakugou's restful face. He had his face relaxed and eyes closed as he pretended to be knocked out. He truly did look beautiful. Izuku carefully picked up Bakugou bridal style, one arm under his legs and the other supporting his back. Bakugou was lighter than he thought he'd be. "I'm holding you, Kacchan. You're safe now. Just hold on a little longer for me" he reassured. "You sound like an idiot playing a hero, nerd. I'm perfectly fine" Katsuki opened his eyes, cocking an eyebrow. Izuku flushed a deep red. "Guess I got too into it."

"Todoroki, Midoriya, you've captured the enemy and rescued the hostage. Hero team wins. Return to the main gates. Group four, to the center" Aizawa’s monotone voice came from the speaker.

"It's over. Good. Now put me down before I blast you" Bakugou growled and Izuku did so immediately. "Y-yes!"

Todoroki, from down below, eyed the exchange and couldn’t help but feel a squeeze in his chest as he stared on with an emotionless face. He couldn’t seem to figure out why he felt like that way towards his friend though. He turned away to make quick work at melting the ice cage to free a shivering Aoyama and Tokoyami. All he knew was that he kinda wished it was him who had gotten to Bakugou first.

[word count: 1483]

#bakubowl #fanfic #boku no hero academia #bakugou x everyone #bnha #gender bender #temporary fem!bakugou #fem!bakugou #bakugou centric

[spencers-dria]

Turn for the Better

Someone To Stay Ch. 1

Spencer x fem!reader

Spencer POV:

I open my eyes and glance around the room. It's darker than I remember. I must have fallen asleep reading on the couch again. I glance down and see a pile of books on the rug. Oh yeah...I only made it through about four books this time before I nodded off. I sigh in frustration that I'm awake. Might as well get up I suppose.

I wander into the kitchen and pull open the fridge only to be met with a jar of peanut butter, week old left overs, and a half empty jug of juice. Next.

I try again with the pantry. Almost completely bare. I guess this is what happens when you stop going to the grocery store. I settle on a cup of apple juice and a bag of chips... better than nothing right?

I slump back down onto the couch and pull my green wool blanket over me. As I stare up at my ceiling, as I begin to let my mind wander. But this was dangerous territory. I have to keep my mind occupied, I just have to. So I quickly sit back up and turn the TV to one of my favorite Dr. Who episodes. They say that anxious people re-watch the same shows because they find the familiarity comforting. I could definitely understand the feeling.

It was the weekend, which meant I wasn't called into work. Cases had been slow lately, as we spent quite a bit of time doing paperwork back at the office. Unfortunately for me, this meant less distractions. Distractions were good. Distractions were necessary. They are the only way I make it through the days anymore.

Things had finally returned to normal for me back at work. I was going into the field, and it felt like my coworkers were no longer tiptoeing around me. I hate when they do that, and it bothers me more than any amount of teasing ever could. I'm not so delicate, so easily breakable. Look at everything I have been through, everything I have endured. Yet here I am, still alive, still doing my job. I didn't need to be babied. So it was a relief when I felt the regular rapport I shared with my friends return. They had gone back to the sarcastic remarks and silly nicknames. I was grateful for it. They did, however, continue to check up on me. This was something that I did appreciate. They've seen me go down a dark road once before. I have no intentions of ever returning. I was stronger than that... I think. All I know is I have held on this long without resorting to any unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Coping mechanisms...oh how I wish I had something to make the healing process easier. Having a fairly empty social calendar left me alone often. Normally I would find comfort in the peace and quiet of my solitary apartment, but not quite so much lately. I couldn't very well make plans to go out, and I wouldn't even know how to begin to do that. Who would want to hang out with me right now anyways? I'd be a damper on the fun, and everyone knows it. That's probably why my friends stopped inviting me to the nights at the bar.

There I go again, letting my mind slip into a dark hole of anxiety. Its not a safe place to be. I quickly turn my attention back to the show in front of me, letting it drown out all other thoughts.

The ring of my phone quickly draws my attention away. Finally...another case! I jump up to answer, seeing the name on my screen: Derek Morgan. That's odd. Usually Hotch or Garcia call to notify us of a new case.

"Hello?" I answer, confusion lacing my voice.

"Pretty Boy! Buzz me up!"

Well now I'm even more confused. Derek never comes to my apartment. I quickly press the button letting him into the building and opening my apartment door, waiting for him to arrive.

As he comes up the stairs, he gives me a grin shouting, "Come on man! Get dressed. We're goin' out!"

I roll my eyes and retreat back into the apartment, Derek close behind me.

I sink back onto the couch, my eyes glued to the television as I tune him out.

"Aw c'mon. Don't be like that. How long have you been sitting there watching TV? Have you done anything else today, at all?"

I don't answer, I don't even look at him.

"Oh, let me guess. You've been reading all day, huh?"

"Wow, can't get anything past you huh?" I say dryly, regretting my tone as soon as the words left my mouth.

"Alright that it. You've been cooped up in here too long. Like I said before, we're going out. And I'm not taking no for an answer" he says sternly, raising an eyebrow at me.

I finally look up at him as I roll my eyes.

"You know I can kick your ass right?" Derek smirks.

"Fine" I concede. "Well...where are we going? I don't know what to wear unless you tell me what our plans are."

"Don't pretend you don't wear the same fancy button ups no matter where you end up going."

I let out a small laugh...he's got me there.

"Dinner at Rossi's. I know pretty boys are high maintenance but, hurry up or you'll make us late!" I smile at the nickname. Same old Derek.

Y/N POV:

You let out a sigh of relief as you watched your coworker approach you, ready to receive report. It had been a particularly busy shift, and you were ready to get some much-needed rest. You walked to each patient room, giving Clementine summary of the day and the latest updates on labs and vital signs. You stepped into each room with her, checking one last time to make sure each of your patients was doing well and didn't need anything else before you left. Normally you and Clem would spend some time catching up and making jokes, but she could tell you were tired and needed to be home more than anything. You wished her good luck on her shift as you made your way to the break room. After putting away your stethoscope and the large collection of pens, pencils, and markers you kept in your pockets, you finally headed towards the elevator to leave for the day.

You opened the door to your apartment to be greeted by your dog, Juneau. She was a rescue you adopted a few months back. She still needed to make progress, but she had really warmed up to you and your friends and seemed much more comfortable in her new home. After feeding her dinner and taking her for a short walk, you heated up a quick frozen dinner and sunk into your couch.  Curling up in your blanket, you spent a few minutes browsing through different streaming services only to land on The Office, as usual.  Your mind drifts to what your next few days might consist off. You just so happened to land 4 days off in a row, but you had no idea how you would spend your time. You glanced down at your phone as it lit up.  It was your Uncle Will.

"Hey, whats up!" you chimed, glad to hear from your favorite uncle.

"Hey, (Y/N). I'm actually calling to invite you to a dinner some friends of mine are having tomorrow night. I know your schedule is real busy. But I haven't seen you much since you moved up here to Virginia! I know you haven't met many people here yet, but I think I can help you make a start. "

The kind gesture made you smile. You had always been fairly close with your father's side of the family. He had grown up in Louisiana and met your mother at a college in Texas. You spent your childhood in Houston but frequently visited the Cajun half of your family. Uncle Will had moved away once he fell in love with Jenifer Jareau, his now wife, and you hadn't seem much of him the past few years. But as luck would have it, your nursing career had lead you to a hospital in Fredericksburg, VA. You felt extremely lucky to have family nearby, or else you would have been completely alone. But sometimes you still felt that way, which is why you were so grateful for his offer.

"That actually sounds great! I am off for the next four days, and I didn't really have anything planned. Who will I be meeting at this dinner?"

"Well it's some of JJ's coworkers. They're like a second family to us, and I know they'll be just as welcoming to you. I already told them you moved up here, and they've been begging to meet you."

"Aww I can't wait to see Aunt JJ and my sweet little cousin, Henry! Its been so long since I came to visit you guys. I think Henry was barely two years old the last time I saw him."

"Well we all hope to see you a lot more now that you're here. You're like a daughter to us, Y/N. You are welcome to visit any time you like. I know nursing is a stressful job, and it can take a toll. Its important to have family and friends around you when things get tough." You could hear that this was a genuine offer and you fully planned to take him up on it in the future. Being alone in a new state was taking its toll.

"So where and when should I plan to meet for dinner?"

"I'll text you the address real quick. Everyone is planning to meet around 6. It shouldn't be too far of a drive. It's one of JJ's coworker's houses. David Rossi. He's a real easygoing guy, and he loves cooking for everyone. He loves meeting new people even more, so you should feel right at home!"

"Sounds like a fun time. Thank you again for thinking to invite me. I'm really looking forward to it!"

"Alright boo, talk to you later."

You smiled at the pet name used by the entire Louisiana side of your family. I guess the north had yet to steal his southern roots. You hung up the phone. You finally had plans. It would be nice to talk to someone who wasn't a coworker.  It would also be your first excuse to dress up since moving and starting your new job. Too excited to wait, you jumped up from the couch and began to rifle through your closet for something to wear. You didn't want to be too over or underdressed. You grabbed a black spaghetti strap fit and flare dress and throw it on with some black panty hose, a lightweight maroon cardigan, and some black heels. You snapped a quick photo in the mirror and shoot a text to Aunt JJ.

Y/N: Apparently I'm joining y'all for dinner tomorrow night...is this too much???

Aunt JJ: I heard! I can't wait!

And oh my goodness, no! You look gorgeous! It will be perfect.

Also...Henry is so excited to see you!

You smiled, more confident in your choice. Aunt JJ had great taste. You had only had the chance to meet her in person a couple times, but the two of you had clicked right away and stayed in touch over text and Facetime. Sometimes she felt more like the sister you never had.

Starting to feel the effects of your particularly difficult shift, you start to get ready for bed. You wanted to be well rested for tomorrow. You say goodnight to Juneau and crawl into bed, snuggled under all the blankets. You fall asleep with a smile on your face, with the feeling that things in your life are about to take a turn for the better. You couldn't explain it...but somehow you just knew.

#fanfic #writing #criminal minds #spencer x reader #spencerreid #dr spencer reid #spencer reid x y/n #romance #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid angst #original work #original story #Spotify

[deprssivewriter]

Errors in general and Nye in particular

Thanks to the best bro for motivation (even though you did it unconsciously).

It’s time to talk about concept and characters, yeah. Although today I will pay attention to the most unprocessed of them.

A brief digression: once upon a time there was a boy of fourteen years old and he wanted characters with angel wings. But he not only had given up on the wings, and he'd given the race the stupid name "Errors," and by the time he was twenty, he hadn't come up with anything better. So, in addition to the wings, Errors each have their own curse (there are only a few types, but more on that later). Accordingly, when they are severely or mortally wounded, the curse consumes them (who understood thay understood, who did not understand they will understand). However, even after the resurrection, the curse does not immediately go away, it torments the wearer for another couple of days (depending on the circumstances), while the body slowly recovers. Errors are born rarely from ordinary people, parents see the wings from birth, even though they are like in a hidden state. By the age of 3-4, Errors awaken their first powers, including their wings, and they can no longer keep them hidden, so for the next few years everyone can see their wings until they learn to control them. We continue to develop my insanity, Errors are immortal. You can kill them only by pulling out their wings, all other methods of killing lead only to rebirth. By the way, the Error itself can not pull out the wings, either, they will grow back in this case. It seems that all the most important things are indicated.

Let's go back to the one I originally wanted to write about. Nye. Initially, he was envisioned as a completely neutral character, but quickly enough something went wrong, and he became an asshole, which probably difficult to find. But a recent conversation with bro made me think about him. I really wanted to write something, and I asked her if she wanted to see something from the life of a certain character. She also said that she wanted Nye and Jack(another Error) to meet for the first time, and I was a little upset. It was in my mind in general terms, but I never thought about this moment in detail, however, as well as about Nye. Among all my characters, he is the only one who does not have a prototype from real life. Somehow, he just happens to exist on its own. Among other things, somehow it turned out that he was fucking special. In theory, the first Error appeared due to a freaking major failure in genetics, according to the theory, all the genes there should have been recessive (I'm not a biologist, so I don't quite understand what I'm saying, I warn you right away). Nye, in turn, was born an albino, which is also a fucking glitch in genetics, and with it came a new curse that no one had before. Nye is currently the only carrier of it (and probably the only one, I don't think that he wants to have a child). So, when I thought about him, I tried to put aside all my negative attitude towards him, and realized that in fact he is very strong, and it is quite possible that he was so twisted because of life. He had to deal with all this shit himself (Errpr’s powers, I mean). And even when he was able to find some information, he still had his curse, which no one had ever seen before. And I will remind you that he is an albino, so he periodically got severe sunburn. I also remind you that the curse begins to work when the wearer is seriously injured. His curse is carnivorous butterflies (yes, what will you do to me). They eat away at the place where the wound is, which is accompanied by hellish pain and not the most pleasant sight, in the case of death, the butterflies eat him completely, while he remains conscious for as long as possible (when I imagine what pain he is experiencing, I already wince). And to avoid suffering, he was able to subdue his own curse, which also happened for the first time in the history of Errors.

Nye has learned to spray his body on butterflies and thus travel long distances in a very short time, he has to wear a black cloak so that the sun can not burn him, and in case of which people do not see his rotten, butterfly-eaten flesh. Also, since some butterflies are extremely good at mimicry, he has learned to use them to turn into any person, which is also a great achievement. Let's go back almost to the beginning of the post, where I mentioned Jack. Nye took him away from his family around the age of 7 to take care of him, so that he would not face the same difficulties as Nye himself. Only Jack's family was good, they loved their son, even too much, perhaps even considered it a blessing that their son was an "angel". But Nye took him anyway. My main character, has a theory that maybe Jack's parents were part of a cult that hunted her once (ugh, in short, Error’s feathers are important shit and that very sect catches them as children until they can't control their wings), or at least were going to give it to them, and all their love is ostentatious, so that Jack does not master the ability to hide his wings for as long as possible. Given that I still haven't refuted this theory, it's possible that this is true, and Nye actually saved him (let's skip the point that after a dozen years, he began to treat him). I'm all for what, maybe Nye is just broken, like almost all of my characters. Yes, compared to someone else (I'm talking about the main OC, yes, her name is Tie), his suffering and pain are not so large-scale, but we all have a different psyche, none of us consists of iron or something harder. In addition, in the end, after almost a decade from the main events, Nye still comes to his senses and realizes that he behaved like an asshole.

Up to this point, I have not had any sketches with Nye, except for some very short snatches from the plot, because it is very difficult. It is extremely difficult for me to think like Nye from events of present, he is extremely adept at mixing lies with the truth, so that in the end you involuntarily begin to believe him.

"You know, I almost feel sorry for her. She has everything and nothing — no friends, no homeland, no family… She is a proud person, she never gives up, but her very contempt for death speaks volumes. She has nothing to lose, and she wants nothing but her own death, and she won't get it. Tie is smart enough to understand this and more… She hates us, fights with us, but even so, she understands that the truth is on our side. By blood, she is a person, but by birth she is tied to Errors and **. ***, Yuzuru, and even ****** can be forgiven and accepted. Tie — no, because the hatred of the traitor and betrayal is stronger than the arguments of reason… She knows how to show that she does not care, but she is a living being. She proved to everyone that she was ready to be the best, but it wouldn't change anything… She will live her life with the stamp, so she does not fall in love. Whatever she is, she is afraid that her children will turn out to be Error and live the same life. That they'll live in hell... "The good has sharp fangs" ... that's what Tie once said. Her drinking with *******, her friendship with demons, her lack of fear… God, everyone is afraid, even me, but Tie is not… She seeks her own death, and finds someone else's, " Nye said softly.

I'm sorry, some of the words are censored (?), because I'm not ready to talk about someone’s names yet. Let's go back to the other one. Will you be able to figure out where the lies are and where the truth is, without knowing anything about Tie?

While the real Nye is hard for me, I have a good understanding of the Nye of the future and, as it turned out, of the past. And all this demagoguery I spread only for the sake of the second.

When the curse first consumed me, I didn't immediately understand what was happening. Gradually, the white butterflies of “death" were killing me. I knew I was turning into food for them, but I couldn't help it. I just lay there helplessly, watching as they gradually absorbed my flesh and reached my bones. Everything happened very slowly, and I was conscious until they got to my heart.

But even after the rebirth, they have not disappeared. I didn't want to go through that excruciating pain again, I didn't want to be [eaten] again.

I tried not to get hurt, but it's very difficult, so I started wearing a black raincoat in all weathers to keep the burns to a minimum. That's something.

But in battle, it is more difficult to avoid a blow or even death. In one of these I do not know how, but just for a couple of seconds, I turned into a flock of butterflies, with the help of which I was able to avoid a blow. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, but it struck me. And ever since, I've been haunted by the thought that it's Me who can control my curse, not it.

With small steps, I began to master it, first scattering the individual parts of the body, getting used to the sensations and control over each of the butterflies. Then it was more difficult, it was necessary to learn not only to scatter the whole body, but also to spend as much time as necessary in this state. It's very energy-intensive, but I'm sure it will pay off for me.

Maybe with this ability, I can become something special, something more…

#writing #original character

[dracosollicitus]

Thank you for continuing the #80 prompt. I loved it! I hope you'll write more (hopefully, in the next one, they'll patch things up).

Ask and ye shall receive @raissapl 

(Part Three of my Damerey “Does He Know About the Baby” Angstfest)

Word count: ~3500

Prequel

Part One

Part Two

tagging:  @branlovesouat @greyone01 @roguecompanion1812 @dame-reylo-ve @dragonfodder44 @therebeccaw​ @warqueenfuriosa @melanoradrood (who either requested another part to this angstfest/listened and helped with my rambling about it)

(This is AngstCentral, y’all)

Rey spoke to Poe once more, a week after he discovered that she was pregnant.

She’d been avoiding him, most likely abusing her knowledge of the Force to do so, but he managed to time his arrival in the hangar perfectly with her departure from her shift in the mechanics bay. Rey was wiping her hands on a towel when Poe nearly fell flat on his face sprinting over to her. 

“Rey,” he managed to gasp. “Rey - can we - I need to -”

She figured there was no way to get out of it now, so she stared at him stonily, dropped the filthy towel blindly into a waiting basket, and crossed her arms over her chest, no longer caring if it highlighted her protruding stomach. She didn’t speak, didn’t indicate any interest in what he had to say; she merely stared at him. He gulped, and - if he hadn’t left her for four months, she’d actually be in danger of feeling sorry for him.

“Uh,” Poe looked surprised that she hadn’t hurled him through the air using the Force (she’d thought about it). “I just…I really need to talk to you. Explain some things, see how you were doing.”

“How I’m doing?” Rey repeated coolly.

“Yeah,” Poe nodded, looking somewhat relieved that she’d responded. The part of her that had never been hardened by the desert cooed in sympathy; she silenced it rapidly. “Yeah, I wanted to make sure you were okay, you know, and I wanted to see if you needed anything, or if I could do anything for you-”

“Why do you even care?” Rey demanded. “I suppose it’s because it’s your kid, or whatever.” He flinched at the way she threw his past phrasing back in his face.

“That’s part of it,” Poe said, rubbing the back of his neck in the way Rey used to find endearing (the way she used to love), but now the sight of it only made her gut hurt like she’d drunk too much water, too fast, coming back in from the desert heat. “But it’s also because you’re my girl. Aren’t you?”

Rey stared at him in shock. They’d slept together every day - sometimes two or three (the record was five) times a day - for a whole month before he left, but never had he described her as a girlfriend or even a lover. But now he - they were - No.

“Is that how you treat ‘your girls’?” Rey asked, angry that her voice sounded more weak that infuriated. 

Poe recoiled as if she’d physically struck him. “What?” He asked. “What - no, Rey, you were the only one, I didn’t even look at another person after we- even after I met you-”

“That’s not what I meant,” she interrupted him, and he looked at her with what looked like a fire burning in his eyes, a fire that threatened to burn them both. 

“Then what did you-”

“I asked you to stay,” Rey said, hating the tears burning at the back of her eyes. Poe looked tormented, opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off with a tired hand. “I asked you to stay, Poe, and you left anyway. You held me in your arms and promised me you’d always be there for me, and then you kriffing left me. I’m sorry that I find your promise now to be just as untrustworthy as the one you made then.” 

She walked past him, and noticed he was frozen to the spot. A small, vindictive part of her, the part that was still deeply interested in that cave on Ahch-To, thrilled in the knowledge that maybe she’d hurt him even a tenth of how much he’d hurt her. 

The rest of her begged and sobbed to run back to him, to let him kiss her and hold her the way he seemed so desperate to do; but, Rey had made her mind up. She wouldn’t (couldn’t) be left behind again. And she certainly wouldn’t put her child through that.

Rey from Jakku knew all too well what it cost a child to watch someone they loved fly away.

Rey was kicking the wall in her bunk while lying flat on her back. If she owned a limmie ball, maybe she’d throw that instead, but she enjoyed the rhythmic thunk thunk thunk of her booted foot against the durasteel. 

She hadn’t talked to Poe in two days since she walked away from him in the hangar; but she had caught a reproachful look from Finn when he’d escorted Poe out of the mess yesterday. Rey’s heart had frozen solid in her chest when she saw the red rimming Poe’s eyes, when she saw how tired and lined his face was. She knew she needed to go and patch things up with Poe; but she was still too heartsick herself to try. 

This contemplation had taken the better part of half an hour when her door hissed open, and a droid’s chirp reached her ears. 

“Hey, Beebee,” Rey called, not looking away from the ceiling. “I’m not feeling much like company.”

[You and Master-Poe have fought for over a week] BB-8 noted, wheeling over to her. The doors hissed shut a moment later, and Beebee whirled quietly to itself for a moment while Rey continued to scowl upwards. [He has cried almost every night for ten days.] Rey was about to inform the droid that Master-Poe’s crying habits had little do with her, when it continued. [It is almost as dire as the nights during his most recent mission.]

“What do you mean?” Rey asked, flipping over to lie on her stomach before remembering that her stomach was roughly the size of BB-8 these days. She winced and sat upright, her back against the wall. 

[It will be easier if BB-8 shows you] the droid informed her, and Rey gestured for it to do so. 

With a noise suspiciously like a throat being cleared, BB-8 lifted a panel on the front of its interface. Poe Dameron’s voice flooded Rey’s room, and she winced from how much it soothed the ache in her stomach. 

“I wish I was back on base,” Poe was saying. “Gods, Sunshine, you have no idea how hard it was to leave you. Can’t believe it’s only been sixteen hours since I’ve seen you .Wish you could see the stars up here. I’ve been flying almost my whole life. Never seen anyone who looks at stars the way you do. 

“Beebee,” Rey said cautiously, leaning forward as much as she could. “What is this?” The droid didn’t answer, but merely fast-forward, causing a strange scrambled noise over the audiofile before it cleared up again:

“Day Two. Flew through the weirdest little moon today to refuel. They had these giant fruits, bigger than your head, Sunshine. I almost bought one to bring back to base for you, but then I remembered I wouldn’t be back for a few months, and it might not smell too good sitting in the back of my X-Wing. Shit.” There was the sound of heavy breathing for a moment, and when Poe started talking again, his voice was clogged with barely suppressed emotion. “I miss you so much, sweetheart. I haven’t slept since I left you. I don’t think I remember how to sleep without you lying next to me. Ignore me, just falling apart over here. You’d be way better at this mission than me. I don’t think you’d fall apart quite as fast. You’re much stronger than I am.”

“Beebee,” Rey stared down at the droid in realization. “Did your master record these on purpose?”

[BB-8 always records its surroundings,] the droid said smugly. [Master-Poe is speaking to himself, but he referred to you, Savior-Rey, as “Sunshine,” which is his particular coded designation for you in one-on-one conversation, so BB-8 classified them in the database as messages intended for your consumption.]

“I don’t think Poe would want you to-”

Day Three, Poe sounds a lot shakier now. Flew through an electromagnetic storm. Almost died there. Oops. I’ve never been afraid of dying, so many people I loved died with a bravery and honor, and I always thought I’d be able to do the same. Came close a few times. But this time, all I could think was, you’re never going to see her again. And I’m not proud of this Sunshine, but that made me cry. Because I know you wanted me to stay, and I had to go, but I promised myself I’d come back to you. There’s so much I need to tell you. Like the fact that I - I -” 

The message cut off before he could say anything else, and Rey beckoned BB-8 to come closer. She rested her hand on its dome while she listened to the messages, tears rolling down her face the farther along she got. 

The worst one came from two weeks before the end of his mission; it was the longest one, and she sobbed almost uncontrollably afterwards. 

“Did you ever think about us getting married? I wanted to ask you that every morning I woke up with you next to me. I always thought to myself, gods, what inspired my father to propose to my mother in the middle of an intergalactic crisis, lure her away to some random rock, build her a home, make a family with her, and then have to go right back to fighting? I never really got it - I respected it, sure, but I didn’t get it. But I woke up next to you that first morning, and I thought: Damn. Look at her. The whole galaxy spins around her, and she has no idea; she’s so damn important, and so damn perfect, and she chose me. 

Even if it was only for a second, and I never got to hold you again, there was this one shining moment of my life where I was the lucky guy you chose. And I wanted you to choose me again. And again. Because I knew I’d choose you every day, I’d choose to spend every day of my life with you if I could. So, I’d wake up every morning, after you’d chosen me again, and I’d consider kissing you on your cheek, or your cute little nose, or that one spot under your ear that if I could get just right, you squeaked like an Ewok - I’d think about kissing you awake to ask you, hey, Sunshine, do you ever think about us getting married? And you’d say something sensible like, kriff, Dameron, you haven’t even taken me on a proper date yet. And I’d say, fair enough, when are you free? Is now good? 

I miss you so much it hurts, Sunshine. Two more weeks now. Two weeks and I can hold you again. I think that’s the first thing I’m going to do when I get off this bird. I’m going to find you in the crowd - because yeah, there’s gonna be a crowd, after the pile of banthashit I went through to finish this mission - I’m going to jump down and run to you and kiss you until I’m blue in the face, and you’re making that face where you’re embarrassed but you don’t want anyone to know that you’re secretly also happy, and I’m gonna take you on a real, proper date, so when I give you this ring you aren’t going to ask me why I haven’t taken you on a real, proper date.

…Maybe I’ll take you back to my bunk first. Yeah. I’ll probably do that first. But then. I’mma date the kriff outta you.

Rey covered her mouth with her hand, foolishly thinking she could somehow contain her grief in that way. 

“Play the last one,” she whispered to the attentive droid, wanting to skip forward to the end, to the last day of his mission. She couldn’t listen to ten more, but the potential for his optimism - before he’d gotten down from the X-Wing, before she’d blown him off, before she’d yelled at him and pushed him away - maybe that could salvage her spirits somewhat. “Please?”

BB-8 made an odd noise, and then briefly thought to itself. When the audio file started up, Rey frowned at Poe’s voice. He sounded distressed, not at all like he was coming back to base after a long journey.

“Hey, hey - Beebee-” His voice cracked, and Rey’s own breath caught with it. “You recordin’ this, buddy?” A faint beep from the droid in affirmation, and then, “Okay. So, I’m prob’ly gonna die in this war, yeah? Yeah. Uhm. So, in case I die, I just - gods. Rey, could you play this for him? Or her - I don’t want you thinkin’ - I don’t want them to think I don’t care ‘bout them either way. Just please, please play this for them. Can you - would you do that, for me? No matter how mad you are?”

“That’s not what I meant,” Rey said quickly, “Beebee, no I meant the last one from the mission not from the last few days-”

“Hey there, little one,” Poe sounded so, so sad, and Rey felt her heart being carved open from it. “Hey little - I guess not little Dameron. Didn’t exactly earn that. So, I’m Poe, your uh - well. Maybe not father. Fathers are…there. And I don’t want you thinkin’ I didn’t want to be there, it just - things were complicated. I … I really messed up, but I want you to know how badly I wanted to be there for you, and how much it hurt me that I wasn’t. I loved you from the second I knew you existed, and I hope you have the best life. I’m not around anymore, but uh - I’d like to think I’m part of the Force, and that I’ll love you and your mom until the galaxy doesn’t exist anymore. 

Let me tell you about your family, little one. For starters, your mother. She’s…I’m sure you know, but she’s the most amazing person in the galaxy, and I loved her so much. She’s a Jedi, and she’ll make sure you have the best life. No one loves like she does. So be nice to her. No joyrides on speeders, no hijacking her ship. I did that to my own mama, and she chased me around Yavin 4 for an hour. 

Your grandmother’s name was Shara Bey. Your grandfather’s name was Kes Dameron. Kes might still be around when you get this, and if your mama lets you, you should go and visit him. He would love to meet you, and he’s a pretty fun person. He fought in the first war against the Empire, and Shara was a fighter pilot, and they were both heroes, just like your own mama. I bet you’re gonna be a fighter, little one. 

There was a banging on her door, but Rey couldn’t tear her attention away from Beebee. By this point, she was kneeling on the floor, one hand on its round body as she drank in every word, her other hand resting on her stomach. Tears rolled down her face as Poe finished the message with:

“I bet you’re spectacular. I love you, so, so much. And I hope that no matter what, you’re happy. I hope that you’re always happy. Gods, I wish I coulda met you.” 

The doors to her room hissed open halfway through the closing message, and Rey looked up as she heard a muttered curse.

Poe stood there, hair on end like he’d dragged his hand through it, eyes wild - he looked horrified. 

“No!” He shouted over the recording of himself wishing that the baby and Rey would be happy. “No, BB-8, you were not supposed to play that unless I -”

“Unless you died.” Rey whispered. She stood up on shaky legs, almost losing her balance. Poe jolted forward like he wanted to catch her but then thought better of it. He remained a foot inside the doorway. “Poe, why didn’t you-”

“I’m sorry,” Poe said hastily. “I’m sorry he bothered you. He’s going now-” and Poe pointed aggressively at the door while glowering down at his droid. “And he won’t bother you again. Right, Beebee?” 

The droid rolled forward shame-facedly, and cooed something too quiet for Rey to hear up at Poe. Poe’s face softened. “I know, buddy,” he whispered back. If she wasn’t Force-sensitive, she doubted she would have picked up on Poe’s quiet response. “I miss her, too. But that’s not how we get her to talk to me again.”

Beebee rolled out the door, and Poe smiled sadly at Rey, hands in his jacket pocket. “I’m really sorry,” he said again. “Gods, I don’t know what he was thinking.”

“He played your messages,” Rey blurted out. 

“Messages?” Poe blinked, not understanding. “I only recorded the one-”

“From your mission,” Rey clarified. “He played all the things you wanted to say to me.” Poe looked confused a moment longer before horrified understanding crept over his face. 

“No,” he said, hands coming out of his pockets to pull at his hair. “Oh, no, no, no, nonono-”

Rey walked over to him, and he lowered his hands to look at her warily. His eyes flitted down to her lightsaber, and a part of Rey twinged that things had soured between them so much that he’d thought her capable of using it on him. 

“I’m sorry,” she said, voice cracking. “I’m sorry Beebee played all those tapes, it was an invasion of privacy, but - I wouldn’t have known otherwise.”

“Known what?” Poe laughed, a self-deprecating grin on his face. “How pathetic I am?”

“No,” Rey said, stopping only six inches away from him. It was the closest they’d been physically in over four months. “I wouldn’t have known you missed me as much as I missed you.” Poe looked startled, but she kept going, wanting to level the field between them. “I wouldn’t have known how much you cared about me, even before you knew I was pregnant, and I wouldn’t have known that you didn’t want to leave. And, Poe?”

He looked her with less trepidation and more hope, and it made her heart beat for what felt like the first time in months. 

“I did think about marrying you,” she whispered. “I thought about it when I saw you helping cadets even when you were bone-tired, I thought about it when you were half-awake and stumbling around before you got your cup of caf. I thought about marrying you that time you got food poisoning and spent all night in the ‘fresher vomiting your guts out, and you were so determined to make me not worry that you kept telling horrible, horrible jokes.”

“Oh.” Poe blinked, and settled on the single syllable in response to her confession. “Oh.”

“Can I kiss you?” Rey asked, worried that he’d refuse her. “I’ve wanted to since the second you left, but I’ve been so angry, and I wasted so much time, and-”

Poe reached out to cup her jaw with one hand, the other pulling her in at the small of her back until she was flush against him. His mouth was warm on hers, and the kiss was slow and languid and felt every bit like she was coming home. His stubble scratched at the corners of her mouth and her cheeks as much as it ever did, and he tasted faintly of caf and ration bread, and Rey hummed into the kiss, feeling something unfurl inside her chest. 

Poe’s large hand came around from her back to her stomach, where he rested his hand almost reverently over her abdomen. The kiss became a series of shorter, less deep but no less passionate kisses, and Poe eventually pulled away to rest his forehead against hers and gaze down at where his hand was placed. 

Rey covered her hand with his. “That’s your papa,” she whispered to the life she was growing. “Say hi, little one.” As if listening to her, a light kick answered her request. It wasn’t uncommon, but it was the first time she’d shared it with someone else, and Rey found herself crying at the shaky intake of breath from Poe. 

“Oh gods,” he groaned, his thumb lightly stroking back and forth over her stomach. “That’s -”

“That’s our baby,” Rey confirmed. “And he and I both want you to know that your message, while sweet, was unnecessary because you are forbidden from dying, Poe Dameron. Do you hear me?”

“I hear you, ma’am,” Poe chuckled. There was a pause, and Rey smirked into it, hearing Poe’s next question before he said it.

“He?!” 

#damerey #jedipilot #long #fic #writing #sw #poe dameron #rey #poe dameron x rey #angst #romance #pregnancy #BB-8 as wingman

[vyvesvi]

random 4th gen gg commentary from yours truly

1. gwsn

apple music playlist | like it hot, rank 23

2 songs in top 100 - like it hot & bazooka

title track rank: pinky star > like it hot > bazooka ≥ red sun > puzzle moon

bside recs: tweaks, after the bloom, growing for groo, burn, shy shy, night aviation, i can't breathe

commentary: best 4th gen discography in my opinion, one of the best discographies in general tbh. i appreciate how experimental they are and despite taking risks they never miss!

2. loona

apple music playlist | ptt, rank 1

3 songs in top 100 - ptt, love cherry motion, love4eva

title track rank: girl front ≥ love4eva ≥ hi high ≥ butterfly > love cherry motion > egoist ≥ hula hoop ≥ vivid > new ≥ one & only > ptt ≥ kiss later > love & live > every day i love you > so what > why not > sweet crazy love > heart attack > eclipse > singing in the rain > around you ≥ let me in

bside recs: loonatic, rosy, rain51db, curiosity, ur, starseed

commentary: my girls 🤷����‍♀️ its terrible to admit but they could release absolute dookie at this point and i would still be an orbit in the loosest sense of the word because uk what? they'll always have loonatic and no one can take that away. that said...i am of the opinion that their recent quality has suffered but i have faith that they'll find their way again. still the 3rd best active gg discography tho.

3. weeekly

apple music playlist | tag me, rank 67

1 song in top 100 - tag me

title track rank: tag me ≥ holiday party ≥ afterschool > zig zag

bside recs: check it out, weekend, uni, hello, yummy

commentary: i love their concept so much???? i was thinking about how to describe them and i finally decided on "early seventeen". like cute/bright concepts without cringey infantilization. they really came at the right time, just as so many ggs were coming out aiming to be bp pt 2 (it feels like) they were like a breath of fresh air. i hope they stick with this concept for a bit, id like to see stronger bsides from them.

4. fromis_9

apple music playlist | feel good, 62

2 songs in top 100 - feel good & weather

title track rank: dkdk ≥ glass shoes ≥ feel good > we go > love bomb > talk & talk > to heart > fun

bside recs: weather, airplane mode, miracle, dancing queen, first love, mulgogi, clover

commentary: i'll say that they're not as experimental as i usually prefer but theyve released some if my favorite fun gg tracks of all time so its okay lmfao. i just recently went back and listened to their early bsides and as expected, no skips but nothing groundbreaking. i need to figure out how to classify their pure concept stuff because its not experimental really but it is pretty different from the modern wave of music? and i have a small soft spot for it tbh 🤕 although t&t isnt my favorite from them im optimistic about pledis!! i hope they start doing longer minis and have their first full soon. also it could just be me but their sound feels a bit nebulous to me? so a clearer creative direction would be another hope for them

5. itzy

apple music playlist | sorry not sorry, rank 25

5 songs in top 100 - sorry not sorry, kidding me, dalla dalla, icy, not shy

title track rank: icy ≥ dalla dalla ≥ not shy ≥ loco > wannabe > mafia in the morning

bside rank: chillin chillin, tennis (0:0), boom box, sorry not sorry, kidding me, surf

commentary: their bsides were extremely rough in the beginning but they're getting better and better and i absolutely love seeing that (second only to, you know, being good from the jump). i was debating with myself over the placement of all the groups after loona but i settled with 5th for itzy because i find them to be more experimental than some of the other groups on this list but they also have more misses. they also have weaker vocals comparatively, but their presence covers for it (for the most part). definitely one of my favorite performance groups on this list. overall, im excited to see what they do moving forward!

6. izone

apple music playlist | violeta, rank 15

3 songs in top 100 - violeta, la vie en rose, dddance

title track rank: violeta = dddance ≥ secret story of the swan > panorama > la vie en rose > suki to iwasetai > fiesta > vampire

bside recs: mise en scene, highlight, merry go round, sequence, gokigen sayonara (korean ver), pink blusher

commentary: im gonna be honest. i sat down and forced myself to listen to their discography because wizones were pissing me off during the verzuz. and im glad i did because it validated a lot of my feelings (🥴) but also gave me some new music to listen to! i'll leave it at that lmfao.

honorable mentions

7. niziu

poppin shakin, rank 13 | 3 songs in top 100

song recs: poppin shakin, step and a step, make you happy, sweet bomb

commentary: i started watching the nizi project and i had to stop because i started liking other contestants who didn't make it 😭😭😭 so i feel like i cant fully get into niziu because i cant fully be comfortable with the selected members. that said, they have song cute songs lmfao. they're releasing their first full album soon and im curious because they have some hits and some huge misses. id really like to like them so i hope its good 😭😭😭 a song of theirs that i consider[ed] a miss, take a picture, is fighting to be in my top 100 right now tho so maybe more of their misses will turn into hits for me, who knows?

［no ranks from here because i cant decide lol］

aespa

black mamba, rank 7 | 1 song in top 100

song rec: yeppi yeppi

commentary: ive said this before (as have hundreds of other people lmfao) but their creative direction is the strongest thing about them. i think them not having any bsides until their fourth release was a really terrible mistake on sm's part that set them back a bit. bsides are a huge part of establishing a groups musical direction so i cant say im fond of this shift towards ggs debuting with a single. that said, their first mini was a mixed bag. i think it made me a bit confused as to where sm wants to take them, whereas based solely on their titles it was pretty obvious...anyways we'll see what happens with them musically lmfao. i will not speak on #her because...was anyone really surprised? lmfao 😭

bonbon girls

no info on song ranks bc fuckass wjjw wont put their music on apple music

song recs: pull me, slay and play, fearless girls, firm abs, funk up dance, we are young

commentary: sometimes it feels like i keep up with them solely because i watched chuang and theyre probably the most easily accessible cpop gg 😭 anyways long story short: they have amazing vocals that they rarely use, and they need to practice performing more. however, when they do get enough time to practice they do well, slay and play & fearless girls being prime examples. i also have to note that post debut they seem to be getting more music that suits their voices and abilities, which im grateful for (although we are young couldve been so good if a few things were changed). i just wish their music was more accessible on streaming services because i would probably listen to them a lot more.

stayc

so bad, rank 69 | 2 songs in top 100

commentary: i honestly dont have much to say about them tbh 😅 theyre a group that i feel like i should like more??? like i like the members, none of their music has been bad, but i cant quite get into them. i enjoy their music but idk, i just want more from them (although the bsides on this album are certainly the beginning of that). i actually kinda wish that their tt release order had been stereotype or asap first and then so bad. because while i like all three, i think stereotype is a lot less catchy than the others. either way, ill definitely be keeping up with them moving forward.

everglow

la di da, rank 20 | 2 songs in top 100

commentary: another mixed bag. im not really sure what i want from them but theres some disconnect for me and idk what it is. i lowkey wish they would add a member, just for some freshness 😭. but beyond that they've had some really good releases! dunno why la di da was paid dust in korea but its definitely one of the best gg titles plus attempt at the retro sound in general. untouchable from that mini is also really good. while i liked first, i do hope they continue with la di da style vocal choruses.

woo! ah!

bad girl, rank 82 | 1 song in top 100

commentary: i dont know much about them at all but i have listened to their whole discography! bad girl and i dont miss u were on repeat for a bit, although i dont understand why bad girl was cat themed 😭 i dont love purple but i'll try it again in a few months lol. pandora and scaredy cat are also good but what is this low quality album cover 😭 overall im excited to see where they go!

purplekiss

zombie, rank 46 | 1 song in top 100

commentary: another group i dont know that well tbh. i will say i strongly disliked their debut album (0 bad songs but terrible curation like i need to have words with whoever did that to them) but hide&seek was infinitely better. zombie is a lot of fun and i love the point dance! the album is super good (on my fave albums of 2021 playlist) so im curious to see what the do in the future. also, they get bonus points bc both of their minis are an appropriate size! random but yuki and chaein (and na goeun) really stand out to me, theyre servers 😌

#vyvesvi's year

[fyeahbatcat]

I know you said you wouldn't say anything about this new arc where even though both Bruce and Diana have their partners they'll be almost forced to be together BUT PLEASE I NEED THE ANGER BC I'M WAY TOO PISSED WITH THIS SHIT

This is the one and only time I’m going to break my most sacred and cardinal rule.

ffs the man is ENGAGED and Diana has her own serious relationship. Can you even conceive how disrespectful that is to their partners? No one would ever decide to have Superman, who is married and has a child, or Scott Free flirt around. It’s like saying because neither couples have a fictional piece of paper to “legitimize” their relationships it’s okay because those relationships aren’t as valid. They are valid. All loving and committed relationships are valid and deserving of respect. 

I have a really strict rule about not talking about other ships on here for a lot of reasons; one being that no matter what I’m saying it’s just going to be seen as a ship thing, but it’s not just a ship thing; tbh I don’t care who ships who I’m just trying to have a good time. But this goes so far beyond a ship thing. 

Sharp tried to cycle back on twitter yesterday, because a lot of Wonder Woman (not wonderbat but Wonder Woman) fans were upset about it, so what will actually occur in the book is likely to be very, very minor but Justice League is coming out so it’s time to pander to the wonderbat crowd. Sharp has sworn up and down that Diana is with Steve, but also made totally disingenuous comments about how writers try to please everyone (they don’t and never have) and false equivalences about crackships. 

If that were true how come I haven’t seen one alternate reality featuring Superman and Batman as lovers? That is neither here nor there because this story is not an alternate reality.

It’s a blatant example of how Diana is shuffled from one ship to the next depending on what DC’s currently trying to capitalize off of. Remember when Wonder Woman was coming out and wondertrev was brought back from the dead after like 30 years and there were dolls and merchandise around them and Steve even got his own one-shot? Well it’s five months later and DC has a new movie to promote. Not to say that I don’t adore wondertrev, because I do. Just pointing out that DC didn’t care about the ship until they saw an opportunity to make money off of it.

Misogyny is always at the root of either relationships. It can’t be accomplished without eliminating or diminishing important female characters like Lois Lane and Catwoman (and to a lesser extent Steve Trevor who is an important representation of gender role reversal). Being in a relationship with either Batman or Superman always requires that Wonder Woman sacrifice too much or herself and what she means, and I expect someone who admires Greg Rucka as much as Sharp claims to to understand that. It’s never about her or her story; it’s always about enhancing their story which is why when it does happen Wonder Woman loses her feminist message, becomes Batman or Superman’s sexy sidekick, gets fridged, and we end up with misogynistic garbage like this: 

This was licensed. Even within the fandom it’s all about the men (“Bruce/Clark wants”, “Bruce/Clark needs”, “Bruce/Clark deserves”). Just the other day I was forced to see this: 

So Diana is what…just a reward for Bruce’s heroism? Not one wonderbat shipper stepped in to call this blatant misogyny out. I’ve been in this fandom for over ten years and not once has anyone bothered to explain what they have to offer her in a relationship. It’s always about Diana’s light curing Bruce’s darkness, or Clark needing someone who’s as physically strong as him to identify with. If I’m going to be as honest as I’ve ever been I find the idea that Batman has anything of substance to benefit Diana in a relationship laughable. That and they have absolutely nothing in common, but that’s just my opinion. 

Not only that but it interferes with the messaging of every character involved. Wonder Woman and Superman are supposed to be powerful outsiders who identify with and defend humanity because of the human people around them. When they get together it’s because they feel like no one understands them. It’s like they’re above us instead of on our level. Also Superman is canonically said to be the only one stronger than Wonder Woman, which guts everything she’s supposed to represent in terms of the rejection of patriarchal gender norms. 

While Batman and Wonder Woman do a little better in terms of power structures, Batman is still the most overexposed male character in the entire DCU (I love him but he does not need as many titles as he currently has). Wonder Woman often gets treated as a supporting characters instead of her own hero, as do many characters born from the bat-books. Wonder Woman has been no exception.

To be honest I think a lot of these writers use the characters to live out their male power fantasies of being cool Lothario Batman who has sex with every hot female character. Yeah everyone has a ship and that’s fine, but Wonder Woman is too important of a character to become a cool thing for Batman or Superman to have. Her story and who she is is more important than a misogynistic ship and needs to take precedence. She deserves to have a love interest that’s there specifically for her and her story and the people who look to the Wonder Woman books for stories of feminine strength, intersectional feminism, and sisterhood are the ones who should be pandered to. 

It is because of this and other longstanding mistreatment of Wonder Woman in the comics that I’ve decided I will no longer read Wonder Woman comics written by men who aren’t Greg Rucka. Maybe one day one will come along to earn my trust, but they don’t have a good track record with her and she’s in desperate need of some tlc. 

I think that’s all I’ve got to say on the matter and I’ve been holding this back for a very, very, very, long time. I look forward to blocking all of you salty anti-shippers :)

#ask #anonymous #personal note

[tinkdw]

You know Dean's confession scene? Do you think they're ever gonna come back to that and tell us explicitly what it meant? Maybe have it in a recap before an episode? I know for me, it was a reference to his sexuality. But I'm wondering if they'll ever talk about it again for the more general audiences.

Here's my main meta post on this confession scene.

Well, basically it has been coming back up over and over again throughout all of seasons 10-12 as it thematically is just a part of the overall Performing!Dean narrative which has been key to the whole show since then culminating in 12x22...but yeah perhaps they will make a reference that is more explicit.... idk!

I mean... we got this in 11x20-23...

Then:

“What if I said I... I didn't want to die...yet, you know, that I wasn't ready? .... I guess I just thought sooner or later, I'd go out the same way that I live -- pedal to the metal, and that would be it. But now? Now, um... Recent...events, uh... make me think I might be closer to that than I really thought. 

And... I don't know. I mean, you know, there's -- there's things, there's...people, feelings that I-I-I want to experience differently than I have before, or maybe even for the first time. 

Go a little deeper, perhaps, than with Gina. 

Yeah. Yeah, I'm just starting to think that... maybe there's more to it all than I thought.”

*TINK LOOKS INTO THE CAMERA* 

This is basically setting up for the massive build up of Dean’s self awareness / self acceptance arc for the whole of seasons 11-12. A huge part of this is deciding that he deserves more, that he deserves to be saved, to live, as he has learned now and is also a big part of why I was so excited to see Dean’s reaction to Mary in 12x14, because he is saying HE DESERVES MORE. HALLELUJAH! That was the moment that swung me to being SURE that his arc was coming to a climax in season 12 and wow did it, it was amazing.

This confession also blatantly refers to Cas as the person he has feelings for that are different to ever before, and his wanting something more with him, a relationship, no more one night stands, especially when you add in all the aspects of said self awareness / self acceptance arc with Amara revealing his love for Cas is stronger than her own bond with him, the wise woman figure telling him that he is pining for Cas, how the waitresses he’s settling for are no longer cutting it, it’s almost like it never happened, the fact that Cas is now dead and he has to face it now....

Then also later... let's not forget:

I don't think he WANTS to quit the life but it is so interesting that he even contemplates it at this point...

And yeah, now this arc that kind of kick started at this point in 10x16 has come to a climax in 12x22, it’s now time for a change in how they do things... 

Dean Winchester DID die in 12x22... metaphorically, so it’s time for a new chapter :D

#spn 10x16 meta #love and love #performing!dean #dean is bi #destiel #Anonymous

[sonderabcomm3e]

“I Am You”

Statistics display the rate of dissociative identity disorder as .01% to 1% of the overall populace. Some of them say that they experience it as if they are watching themselves in a movie at times. Will you believe if I tell you that I'm part of that small percentage of people with undiagnosed dissociative identity disorder? Or you'll think that I'm just a typical weirdo in the neighborhood just like what others think? But I'll tell you they are true, and they exist in me. My name is Terry. I'm a scarred highschool student. Kids at my age used to make fun of me because I stutter every time I speak. Is it a bad thing? I can't understand them though. I didn't do anything wrong for them to hate me this much. Today, someone threw my bag into the trash bin when I was away from my seat to buy some snacks in the canteen. That made Sam furious. Sam is my other self. He is a 20 years old teenager with an anger management issue. Weeks ago I was sent to the Guidance Office because he beat someone for accidentally stepping on his foot. That time my classmates were so flustered because I used to be the one who received that kind of treatment from my bullies. At this moment, Sam is taking the spot over me, so he can avenge on my behalf. Honestly, I'm glad that he exists because without him, I'm just a wimpy kid who cannot fight back. I'm so sick of that. But before he punched that guy straight on his face I stopped Sam. Yes, we can coexist at the same time. Amazing, right? I saw how scared that idiot is when I started talking to Sam. I know he thinks I'm crazy, but I have no other choice. I don't want Sam to get into trouble. I know him, he turns into a monster when he's angry, so I decided to cut my class and went home straight before Sam's emotion exploded. There, Loida suddenly appears. She is my third identity. Loida is a full-time housewife, and she always takes good care of me and Sam. You know, I used to be alone in this house. I have no one by my side because my parents passed away in a car accident when I was thirteen. I was lonely but not until my two identities came. I still remember it vividly, when I'm alone walking in a dark alley after a tiring day at school, I heard an unusual noise. Out of my curiosity I tried to find where is that noise coming from, as I come closer and closer to it, the noise becomes more loud and clear. It was a girl desperately crying for help, and around her is a bunch of male students feasting on her body. I was too scared, I was too coward. I ran and left that girl behind, then the next day, I saw her face in a news article. She's dead, she committed suicide that night, after that horrible incident. That's when my other two identities came to life. In the middle of a calm and sunny day a strong wind blows into my life, yet I wasn't so sure if this will give me comfort or will leave me more devastated at the end. But now I'm sure that it's not the latter. I enjoyed their company. Actually no one wants to be my friend, good thing I have the both of them, so I'm feeling less lonely these days. I'm just afraid of one thing. I haven't seen my fourth identity. I just heard things about him from Sam and Loida. According to them, he exists to protect young girls, but he's quite dangerous because he has a tendency to kill. My life is already complicated as it is, I don't think I need more. Bang! I heard the sound of a gun near my place, so I rushed outside to check where the noise was coming from. I saw a man probably in his 30s pointing a gun to a half naked girl trembling in fear. The next thing I knew is that my hands are covered in blood while holding a gun, and in front of me is a lifeless man and a girl crying out of shock. Minutes later I'm still staring blankly out of nowhere when the cops came and arrested me. “It was not me”, I uttered between my tears. But will they actually believe me or they'll just think that I'm crazy? Well, it doesn't matter anymore. Everything is all messed up, but none of these is my fault. If only the world became less cruel to me, I think everything would have

flowed differently. None of these would happen, and no one needs to suffer. “Shall we put an end to this?”, I whispered to the cop next to me in the passenger's seat. I quickly grab his gun and pull the trigger, then jump out of the car. Why would I kill myself if I can just kill them all? Afterall, it is the world who turns me into who I am. Run, run, run, all my life all I do is to run like a coward, but not anymore. From this day forward, I will deliver every sinner to hell. That's how my fourth identity dominates me. My other identities are no longer able to take the spot, all I can do is to watch him as if I'm watching myself in a movie. Under the moonlight when everyone was asleep, he goes around every dark alleys slashing his knife to everyone he saw committing inhumane acts: rape, robbery, murder, all of them. He doesn't miss any. I can feel how satisfied he is while mutilating the bodies of his targets, he even collected some of their belongings as his remembrance. Each day passing by, people's fear of going outside in the middle of the night increases after seeing those mortified bodies purposely left in the street to serve as a warning. The busy street in the morning looks like an abandoned place every night. Though the criminality rate reaches the bottom rock, yet no one dares to go outside. “Is this the world that you want?”, I asked myself hoping that this will be heard by my fourth personality. At once, he let me take over the spot, now we are coexisting in my body. “Oh, my dear Terry, only evil can defeat evil. A sacrifice should be made to end this war, you should be proud of our contribution to achieve this peace. Why are you being like that? Every man has a darkness buried deeply within them, and you are not an exemption. Come on, don't fool yourself. You're not better than me. Did you not enjoy watching me stab those garbages ruthlessly? Did you not enjoy hearing them scream and plead for their lives? Did you not feel like a god even for a moment just like I am? Don't you know that I exist to do what you are too scared to do? No matter how hard you deny me, I am you.” A sound of a gun cut our conversation, the police surrounded me, and now I am cornered. “Let's just surrender!”, I angrily shouted to my fourth personality, but he never listened to me. Instead he reached the cop nearest to him, stole his gun and took him as a hostage. I don't know what to do, he became stronger than me. In fact, he has more control of my own body than I do. While I am still confused on what to do, one of the officers shoots me in my left arm making me lose my hold on the hostage. When they already ensured the safety of the hostage, they shot my left arm once again which made me lose my balance. I fell hard and became unconscious for a few seconds. When I woke up, my fourth personality was no longer with me. I take the opportunity and grab the gun that I fell a while ago. “I'm sorry but I refuse to be a part of your evil scheme; I refuse to be you.”, I uttered before letting the bullet enter my head. I clearly saw the blood dripping down my head, then everything around me turned black. “This must be the end.”, I whispered as my strength slowly left my body. But I was wrong. When I opened my eyes all I could see was a room covered with white paint, a white bed, and a white dress. I shout and shout hoping that someone will hear me, but no one responded to my desperate cry. That moment I was suddenly reminded of the people who died on my own hands. They actually do the same, they desperately plead for their lives, but at the end it was all useless. I never felt even a small amount of sympathy towards them. All I could think about is their sins — I was too busy justifying all the heinous crimes I committed. Is this the price I have to pay for the blood in my hands?