#things are going downwards and is literally your fault

[kisakis-boyfriend]

Scenario thirst/request: It’s already canon that Kaveh can’t handle his alcohol, but once he gets together with Reader he seriously needs to be cut off. Bars are gonna start denying him service bc instead of his normal complaints about some work client, he’s now complaining to any poor soul in the vicinity about how Reader’s cock is so big it’s impossible to take. Also won’t shut up about how they haven’t fucked him in ages (since yesterday) so they obviously think he’s hideous and don’t love him anymore. To top it all off he’s literally saying all of this while draped over Reader’s lap. He won’t stop whining until Reader drags him out the tavern and fucks him stupid in the alley around back.

Pairings: Kaveh x reader

Warnings: Male!reader, dom/top!reader, sub/bottom!Kaveh, handjob, biting, whiny Kaveh, semi-public sex

Genre/Format: Smut; Short scenario

Author's Note: Your mind 😳 I want to break Kaveh so badly ugh

Please check my blog title to verify whether requests are closed or not! Thank you!

The plan was to have a casual drink or two at the tavern, order a bit of food and maybe split a dessert with your beloved. You should have known better than that...

Now your beloved was whining to the tables next to yours about how your “ginormous monster cock” was just too biiiig! He can't handle taking the entire thing in his little ass but you make it fit anyways 🥺

The guests look on with irritated expressions and you mouth apologies at everyone...Kaveh's weight is sprawled out across your lap while he continues to moan and groan that it's “so so soooo biiiig–” You pinch the bridge of your nose and gulp down more of your drink as Kaveh's slender fingers tug at your shirt, drawing your attention downwards

The saddest, most pathetic expression makes it's way onto his face as he complains that, “You haven't fucked me in foreeeverrr- D'you not like me anymore...?” He slurs, pouting and sniffling. Another patron seated across from you makes eye contact and smirks, shaking their head. Everyone in the damn building can probably hear your partner's voice, seeing as alcohol tends to make him louder than usual...guess there's only one way to fix him now

“Heeeeyyy...don't push me off of– Aah!” Kaveh's startled noise draws even more attention towards the two of you as you drag him out of the bar by his arm. Passing by the owner and tossing a large pouch of mora onto the counter for all of the trouble. The blond protested the entire way out, attempting to grab the door frame so that you couldn't drag him along, though he was a bit too drunk to see straight enough to grab anything...

“Ow, owowow ooooowww!! Y/nnn...what's gotten into yo-oouu...?” Kaveh hiccuped. Your eye twitched in annoyance while your hands found their way onto the wall next to your partner's head, caging him in

“What's gotten into me? What's gotten into you! Mr. ‘My partner's cock is too fucking big uwu’?!” You whisper-yelled. Boring into Kaveh's accusatory eyes as he stammered, trying to form a response but getting cut off by your strong hands flipping him so that his torso was now pressed against the nearby wall. “If you're going to embarrass me in front of dozens of people, then I'm going to embarrass you in this alley. Whatever attention you draw is your own fault.”

At first, he did try to stay quiet, but your cock was actually pretty big and it caused him to have loose lips, especially with the added intoxication from a few drinks...

Kaveh's ass was red and sore after a while of pounding him into oblivion. Your dick was reaching all new places inside of him as you slid in and out vigorously, using every bit of leverage at your disposal to fuck into him faster and rougher, even if it meant that you'd have to carry him home afterwards. Whatever it took for your own tipsy mind to find peace with this punishment

Several instances of footsteps were heard during all of this. Probably people that picked up Kaveh's loud wails and moans, screaming “Cum-cumming—!! ” multiple times as you jerked him off while destroying his hole. His poor, sensitive shoulder was littered with angry bite marks from your own orgasms across the night. All of this would serve as a reminder the next morning; a reminder to work on biting his tongue whenever he drank

Reblogs are extremely appreciated <3

#my writing #genshin impact smut #genshin smut #genshin x reader #genshin impact #kaveh #kaveh smut #kaveh x reader #sub kaveh #male reader #dom reader #top reader #scenario #requested

[kitthepurplepotato]

Chapter 4 - Calm before the storm

Summary: Izuku is self-conscious about the silliest things. Y/N does her best to change that.

Kyouka is looking for a new flat so Y/N helps her with the flat-hunt.

Warning: This chapter ends with a cliffhanger, sorry in advance!

⚠️: Suggestive, mentions of Izuku’s “morning problems”, swear words, hint of angst!

First Chapter Master List

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

“I don’t want to go.” Izuku mutters into your ears, his body flush against yours as he cuddles into your back at 5AM. It’s been ten days since the agency tour; having Luna around until late really made you both exhausted so instead of enjoying your new relationship you decided to take a breather and go straight to sleep.

Things have changed a lot. For instance, your usual Netflix binge is nothing but a make out session now; Izuku is constantly glued to you when he’s not working.

If you are still in the middle of making dinner when he gets home, he clings to your back and asks questions about the dish. He leaves the bathroom door open when he takes a bath so he can talk to you while he relaxes. That made you really flustered when he did it first but eventually, you got used to the lack of privacy so much you started to leave the door open when it’s your turn to take a bath as well. He’s also a cuddler when he sleeps, so… it’s constant. Not like you mind, it’s actually quite the opposite; as Izuku works extremely inhuman hours almost every day, having him in your space feels like a silent apology for all the time he’s not around.

Needless to say, Izuku didn’t let you sleep in your own bed since; hence why you just got woken up to Izuku’s blaring alarm today.

“You need to.” You giggle into your pillow. Izuku only whines at that, pulling you even closer, his hand wondering on your belly under your shirt; your whole face is red from the interaction and it’s extremely hard not to jump on the opportunity to keep him by your side for a bit longer.

There is a new kind of tension in the house since you two decided to act on your desires instead of suffocating on them; and that’s… well… sexual tension. A lot of it. Mostly from Izuku’s side.

Okay, that’s a lie, it’s definitely a mutual problem but you are so much better at hiding it; Izuku probably doesn’t even realize how hot his hands feel on your naked skin, how you can feel the twitch of his member at your lower back as his hands wander aimlessly over your soft skin, how possessive it is when he pulls you so close and takes a deep breath with his face hidden in your hair, filling his lungs with your scent so he can have you with him for the next 12-14 hours while he works. He’s also not shy to claim; sometimes, his innocent neck kisses end up leaving some marks; really tiny ones, barely there but the way Izuku looks at them when he sees a tiny splotch of pink half-hidden under your T-Shirt… his eyes are downward animalistic.

This makes you think about all the cringey Alpha-Omega fanfictions you’ve read on Tumblr and it really makes you laugh because most people consider Izuku as an Omega character but the real Izuku is far from that; if someone would ask you what type of character Izuku would be in this situation you would probably say the “hidden alpha” kind; everyone would think Izuku is an omega thanks to his adorable demeanor and they would probably shit themselves when Izuku gets jealous for the first time in his life. To be fair, Izuku being so possessive is kind of your fault as you were the one who told him to let himself have the things he wanted and he took it to his heart, but… yeah.

Oh my, how did you end up talking about fanfictions while the real thing is literally right next to you?! You are such a fucking weirdo, honestly.

You know Izuku did not fall back asleep again even though he did not move for the last five minutes at all; there is no fucking way he can think about sleeping in this position and… well… Izuku naively thinks you are not aware of his morning problems down south but it’s really hard to ignore them when you can literally feel it. No pun intended. You swear.

Ahh, you forgot to say; you haven’t… done those things yet. Nothing. Zero. You both try to make sure to stop right when it gets too heavy for some reason which is probably for the best because you really don’t want to rush this, especially not without having a proper talk about your current relationship status. To be honest, it has been bugging you for days; you know you two don’t really need to put a label on it to know that this is much more than two roomies sharing a bed but it would also be nice to be reassured that this isn’t just a temporary thing. Don’t tell this to anyone but Izuku isn’t the only one who wants to “claim” but you have no balls to do anything about it.

“I will think about you all day.” Izuku finally moves but instead of going out of the bed he positions himself right on top of you while he leaves tiny kisses all over your face, lips and neck then he moves down to your collarbone, cheekily trying to suck a tiny pink splotch there before he leaves.

“Maybe try not to think about me all day, otherwise you’ll feel really uncomfortable in your hero costume.” You giggle when Izuku stops his shenanigans to look up at you questioningly. His eyes are dark and sparkly, his hair disheveled and hell… you really want him to stay. It should be illegal to look this attractive so early in the morning.

“What do you mean?” Izuku mutters, looking like a puppy who doesn’t know what he’d done wrong.

“Well, your suit is really… tight.” You snicker and by the look of it, he still has no idea what you’re talking about so you cheekily decide to test your luck by flicking the hem of his underwear once. When the realization hits the poor boy he scatters to the furthest corner of the bed with his head hidden between his knees.

“You knew?!”

“Izuku, how would I not? You were snuggled into me just a few minutes ago.” You snicker, trying to soothe the pained hero by playing with the bird’s nest on the top of his head.

“I’ll never cuddle you ever again.” He mutters ashamedly and you swear there is smoke coming out of his ears.

“Hey! I would hate that!” You reprimand, while you grab his hair to force him to look up at you. Izuku makes a sound you try not to decipher for your own mental wellbeing. “I love this. I love all of you. Stop being so mean to yourself. I really hate when you do that.”

It’s true; you hate how Izuku stops himself all the time because he thinks he’s not allowed to do certain things. He also thinks he needs to be perfect, like having flaws will be the end of the world peace and he constantly overthinks the smallest arguments, makes himself feel terrible about things he can’t change… what Izuku doesn’t know though is that the only flaw you hate about him is this, his constant need to be perfect even though it’s his flaws you fell in love with, not the perfect facade he keeps up for the people every day.

“Sorry.” He mutters and moves his head to snuggle into his favorite place; your neck. “It’s all so… new. I’m not sure what I’m doing. I might freak out a few times in the next few weeks.” He admits as he slowly moves his body towards you. You embrace him as tightly as your sleep muddled body lets you; Izuku shudders first but finally, he relaxes into your touch.

“I love you. That’s not gonna change because of stupid things like this. I want to kiss your self-consciousness away. I want to kiss you everywhere until you realize how perfect you are. But go and get ready now, otherwise I won’t let you go.” You mutter into his hair while your right hand scratches Izuku’s scalp soothingly. He makes a content noise and lets himself be pampered for a few more seconds before he moves out of the bed, leaving a tiny kiss on your nose as he walks past.

“Come home soon, yeah?” You mutter into your pillow, ready to fall back asleep.

“Always, Sweet Pea.” Izuku smiles and closes the door behind him.

Fuck, you miss him already.

~•🥦•~

“Hey, wanna help me look for flats?” Kyouka calls you around midday, out of the blue.

Apparently, she’s been kicked out of her apartment complex because the owner decided to renovate the whole building; you have no idea what the heck needs renovating on it as the last time you’ve been there it looked fancier than any of the other complexes in the area but it is what is, you guess.

“Yeah, of course!” You perk up; you are extremely happy to be able to help her out a bit, even if it’s nothing compared to what she’s done for you. “Wanna come over tomorrow? We can both save some links and have a chat about it!”

“Sounds like a plan, my dear!” Kyouka chirps, and the line goes dead.

Oh well, you really wanted to get some work done today, but it can wait a bit.

The rest of the afternoon goes by really quickly, you manage to find a few good deals and also make a few phone calls to get some more information which you write down in your notebook to go through with Kyouka tomorrow. You barely realize when Izuku gets home. You jump up when the door opens around 11PM; you literally have no idea how it got so late to be honest and by the grumpy look on your roommate’s face, he’s not happy about you not waiting for him by the door tonight.

You quickly close your laptop and make your way to Izuku who doesn’t wait too long to lean his forehead on your shoulder, clearly too exhausted for his own good.

“You didn’t respond to my message.” He grumbles into your shirt. Fuck’s sake, you really didn’t mean to ghost him today.

“I’m so sorry, Izu.” You mutter into his hair; he’s still in his hero uniform which means he haven’t had the time to shower yet but his hair still smells amazing. You love how the curls feel under your chin, you love how it tickles your skin when you snuggle into it… fuck, you missed him so much. “Go take a shower Izu, I want to cuddle.”

“Warm the bed for me, will you?” Izuku puts his hand on your cheeks and gives you a scorching hot kiss; you swear you’ll never get used to Izuku’s passionate side.

“Hm, if you keep giving me kisses like that…” You mutter into his mouth, licking his lower lip possessively. “I might just follow you to the shower.” Well, needless to say the boy is as flustered as a virgin teenager now; he quickly escapes your embrace and makes his way towards his shower, muttering under his nose with a red face. “Have fun!” You giggle as you quickly change into your pajamas and make your way into the bed to warm it up.

“You are the worst, Sweet Pea!” Izuku whines while you burst out laughing at how high pitched his voice is; he tends to make a really silly sound when he’s embarrassed, it kinda sounds like he just inhaled some helium. That reminds you of your first phone call with him when Izuku was hit by a quirk that made him sound the same way for a whole day; you remember how stressed you were, thinking that Kyouka set you up to live with pro hero Grape Juice as a prank but then…

Well, you know the rest. You feel so fucking lucky to be able to call this amazing human being your partner. Ahh, you really want to make this official now!

As Izuku makes himself comfortable next to you, you rest your head on his pecks for a bit; you can’t really sleep in this position because… well… Izuku is quite big in the chest area and you usually end up having a terrible headache for the whole day after sleeping like this. Extremely sad, you know.

“You are mine.” You mutter into his skin as you leave tiny kisses all over his chest. Izuku yelps, clearly surprised by your sudden possessiveness, but he doesn’t seem to mind; his hand wanders into your hair, his fingers moving on your scalp soothingly first then he grabs your hair to pull you up for another scorching hot kiss. You can’t even try to hide the surprised yelp that leaves your mouth which might as well be a moan, to be absolutely honest.

“Okay.” Izuku mutters into the kiss with a tiny smile on his lips. “Yeah, okay. I would absolutely fucking love that.” The kiss gets a little bit sloppy as Izuku can’t stop grinning but it still manages to make you all dizzy; you don’t really know when you ended up on top of Izuku, but fuck if you care; you barge in for another a kiss and for another while Izuku’s hands caress your sides under your T-shirt. It goes on and on until you both realize that Izuku needs to wake up in a few hours and do another 14 hours shift.

You were so close to finally see that tattoo on Izuku’s bum. So close.

Would it be really weird to just ask him to show you? Not right now, but like… tomorrow? During a less uhm… intimate moment? Damn, you are such a fangirl sometimes.

“When I’m next free…” Izuku mutters into your neck, back in his usual sleeping position. “Wanna use the hot tub? Together? Uhm… in less clothing maybe?” You can feel the heat of Izuku’s cheeks even without seeing the blush.

“Uhm…”

“It’s okay if you don’t want to, I just thought it would be nice… to cuddle like that. Uhm… okay, nevermind, this is absolutely wrong, I’m so sorry…” He starts his usual anxious ramble, but you don’t let him overthink.

“Izuku, I’m more than happy to do that with you, stop freaking out over nothing.”

“Uhm… I can’t wait for this week to be over.” The tightness of his grip is a little bit suffocating, but it says so much more than thousand words ever could.

I love you. I need you. I miss you. You are mine and I am yours.

There is no need to say any of that out loud; the message is quite clear.

~•🥦•~

Midoriya Izuku is in seventh heaven right now. It’s 5 fucking AM but he’s already bursting with energy; maybe if he puts 120% into the day instead of his usual 110% he might be able to come home sooner.

The coffee tastes sweet, his brain took a trip to dreamland and the empty space in his skull is filled with fully pink cotton candy. The weather is good, Sweet Pea just told him she wants him to be hers, her kiss was so sweet and warm Izuku is quite sure his whole body melted and he’s only a blob of meat right now. Talking about blobs of meat, Izuku wonders how’s Shishikura doing; the guy had a terrible attitude back in high school but his quirk was extremely fascinating. Can he shape the blob now?

Izuku, focus.

Ahh, look! Sweet Pea left her notebook open!

He really wanted to ask her what she was doing yesterday but he kinda forgot between all the sweet kisses. She wasn’t drawing, that’s for sure; Izuku knows the exact face Y/N makes when she’s concentrating on a drawing and that wasn’t it. She wouldn’t mind if he would take a look, would she?

- Flat 1 ( xx street): Good price and fancy but a bit too far from the center + no stores are open after 9. Pets allowed.

- Flat 2 (center): Pricy but has the perfect location and looks relatively new - Close to Kyouka’s workplace. No pets. Really nice view!

- Flat 3 (center): Good price, quite old looking but tenant is allowed to make changes! Pets allowed, close to the police station and Kyouka’s agency isn’t too far away either.

- Flat 4 (center): Who has money for this?! I certainly don’t. High security, gym and swimming pool in the building, rooftop garden.

Izuku almost faints from the sudden surge of anxiety. He’s definitely misunderstanding this situation, right? There is no way…. There is no way his Sweet Pea wants to leave him right now. Why is she looking for flats then?

Was he too much? Is this too quick for her? Does she need space? Maybe she realized Izuku isn’t as perfect as she thought?

He knows he’s overthinking this and there is probably a really obvious explanation and his problem could be sorted with only one question, but… everything is too good, too sweet, too perfect… Izuku is ready for the catch and he feels like this is it, this is the day when his world crumbles again. Izuku is not used to having good things in his life, especially when it comes to love.

Izuku closes the notebook and decides to skip breakfast today; he doesn’t have the appetite anymore. The door closes behind him even though he doesn’t remember leaving the room.

Midoriya Izuku is on complete autopilot; the word is black and white, his mind is blank, his heart is bleeding all over the concrete as he makes his way to his agency to start the worst fucking day of his whole life.

… Next Chapter!

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Potato ramble:

- Uhm… sorry! 😭 You know me though, I can’t do angst for long so this will all be sorted in the next chapter and you’ll absolutely love it :D

- If you have any questions, feel free to message me or send a comment!

- About the first bit: Izuku’s freak about about his “problems” down south might not make sense now but it will all make sense after the next chapter. Izuku has a reason for walking on tip toes when it comes to everything. He’s a broken little boy 😭

- So I managed to binge the first season of this (finished it in two days bro, I got hooked lol) and I need to say I really had to take a deep breath to not change the first few chapters up but it was really nice to see how the quality got better as the story progressed! I’m proud of myself!

- I ordered a beautiful Deku figurine. I’ll show it off once it has arrived. I literally have no space for any more figurines. With that said, I went out today and got 2 more. Send help.

Likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated as always! 🥦🌈✨

TL: @garfieldthomas @porusuniverse @stickygumchewer @sixxze @mily-moo @aei-sedai-moiraine @aymasakusa @kastuari @kenzie-deadly @shiviwrites07 @lukerycyja-reblogs @cloroxisadelectabletreat @coffeent @kisskissshutmydoor @bobcar1 @yazminetrahan @cringefan @ronimacaroni77 @thekookiecorner @dangerousluv1 @emperatris-rinaka @shotos-angelic-whore @angelsdemonsmonsters @norvacaine @rei165 @unofficialmuilover @yao-ai

#bnha x reader #mha x reader #deku x fem!reader #deku x reader #pro hero deku x reader #midoriya x y/n #midoriya izuku x y/n #midoriya x you #midoriya fluff #midoriya izuku x reader

[peace-love-and-french-toast]

Severus Snape rant

Disclaimer: I don't support JK Rowling's views and I'm not a TERF. TERFs, DNI for you.

Sorry for ranting, y'all. I'll try to keep things quick (note from the future: be warned. I failed). Spoilers and mentions of friendship toxicity and bullying under the cut.

By the way, for this I am generally talking about regular canon. When I discuss things people think about this, the headcanons are generally assumed to go alongside regular canon to complement it. I understand that there are fix-it fics out there where everyone is happy, and while I love that, I'm talking about how JK Rowling let it play out.

UPDATE:

Don’t interact with this post if you only want to insult me/my writing style. I am not accusing anyone of doing this, but I can see that there is a very definitive downward spiral, and I don’t want to see the bottom of it. However, I am willing to listen to arguments until things turn into personal attacks.

I don’t care that much about Snape: just a few lines on a page. I understand people have strong opinions on him (me too!). That’s fine. But I’m a real person, just like all the people on this platform (well, except bots). Let’s embrace that, and focus on the fact that we are all, in the end, Harry Potter fans.

Kat out.

Let me start with this: Severus Snape shouldn't be with Lily.

To keep to the simple stuff and the things most people can agree on first, no one "deserves" Lily. In this post, I was nearly guilty myself of talking like this, but please keep in mind: Lily Evans is not some kind of consolation prize, something given out to whoever is deemed the most worthy, the most angsty, whatever. Regardless of Snape's virtues (or lack of them: but give me a sec) he won't somehow earn the right to be in a romantic pairing with Lily. In all the stuff on the table in terms of how Lily viewed Snape, she wanted a platonic relationship. So that's part of what I have an issue with: talking about canon as if there was any part of romantic thing on the table. Lily never had a crush on Snape. It was a one-sided thing.

Now, to controversy. Let's address some common reasons for why people say Lily shouldn't have ditched Snape and why these shouldn't excuse his behavior. Keep in mind I'm talking about things that happened before Lily's death, because after death doesn't really matter to her. She's dead by then.

Snape had a bad home/school life.

That's true. But he then chose to continue the cycle of pain by joining a pureblood supremacist group and calling fellow students slurs?

2. The Marauders did some terrible stuff to him.

I really need a disclaimer here. THIS WAS TERRIBLE, AND I HATED IT, AND THE MARAUDERS WERE COMPLETELY IN THE WRONG HERE.

But this post isn't defending the Marauders, it's arguing that Lily was justified in choosing to let go of their friendship.

Anyway, this is an irrelevant excuse for why Lily should remain friends with him, because she thought this was terrible too... and then Severus screamed a slur at her when she was trying to help him. Way to go, Snape.

3. He loved Lily.

Hold up. Stop the clock.

Wut.

Wut.

Okay, this needs to be a new section. Let's call it:

Being In Love With Someone Doesn't Excuse Your Actions Towards Them

Quick story time, cause this section uses an extensive metaphor. IRL, I used to be best friends with this girl. She was toxic and refused to change.

Her excuses for why I should keep hanging out with her?

Current mental health situation.

Things just "slipped out". (Yeah, Snape LITERALLY USED THIS EXACT EXCUSE)

I was really important to her (So was Lily to Snape)

I stopped being friends with this girl regardless, because her actions harmed my mental health, isolated me, etc.

(And before someone says friendship is different etc. she had a crush on me two Valentine's days in a row and I'm unsure if she still does)

These are all excuses. Let's define that word for a second.

"attempt to lessen the blame attaching to (a fault or offense); seek to defend or justify." -Oxford Languages from Google.

Contrast with an apology, where someone actually tries to make things better. Snape constantly gives excuses. His apology comes much, much too late in the form of begging Lily. Now, with my own toxic friend, she also claimed to want to make things better.

In the case of both Snape and Toxic Friend, they'd continually insisted it wasn't their fault, ignoring the problems in the relationship and not making an effort to fix them. By the time Lily and I broke things off, we'd made up our minds. We turned away and felt good about it, because they negatively impacted our lives.

Maybe Snape was in love. Maybe my friend really wanted to be friends with me. Both are probable.

Still, neither followed through on the steps necessary for a good friendship.

Depersonification, aka Lily is a Person Not A Shiny Toy, Severus

Crack open your books, hit play on the movie, or simply recall as we all remember how Snape looked at Lily.

In the books (won't mention the movies because I didn't watch them) he looks at Lily and Harry sees "undisguised greed" in his eyes. Um...

Snape's fine with hurting Petunia, figuratively and literally.

He ignores what Lily is actually trying to say to him once she tells him what he wants to hear.

And calling her Mudblood. (Can't help myself interrupting here: I myself never 'just accidentally' call someone a racial slur. That's because I don't use them, so they aren't exactly waiting on the tip of my tongue).

All of the things he does are in there for a reason. JK Rowling is trying to unsettle us, and she succeeded. Snape seems to view Lily as an accomplishment, an achievement, a plaything to be admired.

Why?

He never takes Lily's feelings into consideration. Not once until it negatively impacts him. Look at where he comforts Lily: when it looks like they've made a mistake and hurt Petunia.

When Lily gives up on him.

And I know: there was more, there was more, there was more.

Potions homework done together.

Eager chatter between classes.

It's not black and white.

But these are the scenes JK Rowling has decided will give you the best impression of their friendship. She didn't pick tender scenes with cocoa and cookies because that isn't a theme in this friendship.

And onwards to:

They Used To Be Friends, Why Did Lily Stop Talking To Him Like This

It's hard to know what a person is truly like. You only know what people show you, and they hold back the worst of themselves at first. In Lily's first scenes, she doesn't know everything. She doesn't see the greedy looks he gives her. He is a new boy about her age who understands her like nobody else in town could.

Years go by. He calls people like her "Mudblood", he makes friends with awful classmates who do illegal and immoral things and are rumored to be training for war. The other side of the war, the one that kills people.

He shows her the worse sides.

By the time he calls her Mudblood, she has already tried to stop him from going down the wrong path. He's ignored her and ignored her and she finally snaps.

Can you blame her?

This apology seems like yet another excuse, a means to an end of keeping her by his side.

She's had enough.

Conclusion

So concludes the saga of Lily and Severus.

As he makes his decisions and she hers, Lily perishes saving a son whom Snape will later torment in her classes.

Harry grows up.

Snape oversees the creation of a school designed for indoctrination, watching passively as cruciatus curses are dished out. Her son meets him on the battlefield.

Voldemort gets to Snape first.

And thus, Snape meets his end.

And that's it, because things work out like that sometimes. Snape chose his path in life. Lily responded accordingly. And years later, he continued to stay stagnant in character growth, even becoming a child's worst fear from his unequally distributed cruelty.

A note:

If you disagree, feel free to debate me! I enjoy calm discussions. HOWEVER, please remember that we are all, in the end, people with lives and feelings, so don’t scream at me if you don’t agree with what I’ve said here.

#severus snape #harry potter #anti severus snape #snape #lily evans #lily potter #lily evans potter #long post #rant post #toxic relationship #don’t hate me #snape and lily #snily #severus and lily

[hanasnx]

parasomnia

MINORS DNI 18+ WORD COUNT: 0.6k NOTES: this is based on a real-life occurrence. i want to stress this is not an infringement upon anyone’s boundaries in this drabble, reader only sees it as an issue at first because she doesn’t understand what’s actually going on. but as soon as her and anakin understand it together, hes able to give her consent to follow through with it unless she doesnt want to. | even when reader is following through and allowing unconscious anakin to have his way with her, anakin never sees it as an issue bcos hes a somnophiliac and hes def said its fine to hop on his dick in the middle of the night if the urge is that bad WARNINGS: f reader | smutty material | sexsomnia | at one point he tries to make her give him a bj (in his sleep) and she doesnt want to and doesnt know hes asleep so shes mad and when he wakes up he has no idea he did it | somnophilia in a way i think | vag fingering mention | humping mention

ANAKIN SKYWALKER had gone his entire life not knowing. He’s only ever shared a bed with you during his adult life. For a time, you didn’t even think to mention it— which continues to boggle his mind.

Everyone’s had wet dreams, some even sleepwalk. In Anakin’s rare case, his muscle memory recreates sexual events in which he has no recollection the following day.

At first, you didn’t realize he’d been asleep. When he touched you so deliberately; took hold of your hips to hump you to his heart’s desire; even going as far as to stick his hand down your pants in search of your sex… he would even speak during it sometimes. It was near impossible for you to deduce he wasn’t conscious.

It simply wasn’t plausible in your brain that he could, quite literally, finger you to completion in his sleep.

The occurrence that blew the case wide open, was the day Anakin went to bed early. When you joined him, he’d said a couple words to you. The standard exchanges, how tired he was and that he’s happy you’re with him now. You were sat upright, rearranging the covers he’d disheveled. As soon as you settled in, about to lay down, Anakin did the unexpected. In a swift motion, he tugged down his pants and palmed the back of your head, directing you downwards to his exposed cock.

You dodged out of the way, and because of its suddenness, you were maddened to say the least. There was no warning, no ask for consent, how could he do that? You shoved him, not registering how his arm now lay dead at his side, and his closed eyes were turned away from you.

Once awoken, you questioned him of his recent actions, but he had no memory of it. The situation caused the both of you to keep an eye on such a thing.

It only exacerbated. The longer you two spent together, the more you copulated, hammering in those exact movements until even his subconscious is imprinted. He’d instigated actual coitus several times, only to slow to a stop once exerting enough to rouse himself. Halted mid-thrust, he gains a clarity in his eyes that is unmistakable, and you mentally smack your forehead every time while he remains rooted inside you. Both of you feel the need to explain yourselves, as if you’d done wrong when it’s not your fault he’s so damn convincing and it’s not his fault he’s capable of something like this.

It took you a while to understand the difference between how he initiated sex conscious and unconsciously. You’d exhausted him with your questions during a time he really was awake. Interrogating him with nonsensical inquiries that would let you know he was consenting to this truly. To the point that Anakin had to cover your mouth so he could fuck your hole in peace.

It’d gotten so frequent, that Anakin believed his body to be seeking satiation for a purpose. Perhaps he’s not as fulfilled as he thought, physicality is very important to him, but he never suspected he craved it even during rest. So, he told you, that there’s no need to check his presence. If you’re into it, let him fuck you. Occasionally, he gets lucky enough to awaken in the middle of it to a most pleasant surprise.

#tw somnophilia #indy: drabbles #ch: anakin #anakin drabble #anakin skywalker drabble #anakin smut #anakin skywalker smut #anakin x reader #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin x reader smut #anakin skywalker x reader smut #anakin x you #anakin skywalker x you #anakin x y/n #anakin skywalker x y/n #anakin skywalker x female reader #anakin fic #anakin skywalker fic #anakin fanfiction #anakin skywalker fanfiction #anakin imagine #reader insert

[tangyangie]

Hello!! I have a request if I may how about an s/o that has a crush on Karma and it's obvious but Karma always rejects them so s/o starts to move on and then that's when Karma realizes that he loves them.

𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝'𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐢𝐭 🍥

desc. karma x gn!reader that had a crush on him, but rejects them. they move on, when karma realizes his feelings for them.

notes. i'm not sure if this was supposed to have an ending or not so i just left it kind of... tell me if there's anything you want changed i totally will!

you were always teasing each other.

with the amount of time you guys spent flirting, it was inevitable that at least one of you would fall in love.

and, oh, i guess you were the lucky one.

you're constantly making suggestive jokes to each other. it's not your fault you were getting mixed signals.

you were crazy for him!! you thought he was too.

you even told all of the others in class.

"i think he likes me back, but i'm not sure."

"are you kidding?? he's totally in love."

at one point, you had been ready to confess. but, you got nervous. and crapped out.

you kept giving him hints, but he either never took them, or he ignored them. you couldn't figure out which.

it was so nerve wrecking. karma was impossible to read, so you had no clue if he actually liked you back or was just being friendly.

so... you decided to test the waters.

you passed him a note during class. wasn't out of the ordinary for you guys, but the contents were.

you asked him to go out for a picnic. you thought that you'd act super mushy and romantic, hopefully wringing a confession from him.

and.. your plan was beginning to work. karma agreed to meet you, and you were being really touchy.

he noticed the hints this time, as well as the heat on your face. he took a breath, and said:

"uh, y/n... you know i don't like you like that, right?"

...ouch.

you played it off like a pro, laughing and teasing him for even thinking that. but, god, did it hurt.

he noticed. your smile wasn't as genuine as normal, and your eyebrows were turning downwards.

luckily, you were able to escape before things got too awkward.

and you were not someone to laze around all day out of rejection. you moved to get past this, hopefully finding a way to forget about him and move on.

you surrounded yourself with other people. some people questioned why you weren't hanging out with karma anymore.

but you just didn't want your feelings to affect your relationship that bad.

so, after a few week, you successfully began to rid yourself of your crush. karma didn't look like anything more than a friend anymore.

and so... you exposed yourself back into the dating pool.

you met this one guy who you really liked, who seemed almost... similar to karma, in a way. he was quite possessive and teasing, but he was kind. (mostly)

karma definitely noticed.

"who's that?" he says.

"...what do you mean?"

"he's... never mind."

he'd walk away and separate himself from you once more.

but this time, it wasn't for the same reasons as before, no.

this time, it's because he had fallen for you the same way you did for him.

and he just now realized, when it was too late.

notes: i am sososoososssoSOOO sorry for how long the requests are taking you guys 😭😭 i have been so busy the last couple weeks and have had literally no free days... so i swear i'll get them out asap 🙏

#screaming in the void #and the void screams back #assassination classroom #ass class #fluff #karma #hee hee #karma akabane #karma akabane x reader #akabane karma x reader #angst #karma x reader #akabane karma #reader fic

[sunderlust]

kiss your fingers (hangman x reader)

paring: jake 'hangman' seresin x fem!reader

synopsis: sometimes the best way to shut you up is to fill your mouth (not in that way, you cheeky reader) (it's actually worse)

wc: 1k

warnings: 18+ ONLY, explicit sexual activity (piv, unprotected sex, finger sucking, mention of spanking, dom/sub vibes, semi public sex, mention of potential threesome & cum play lol, literally pwp)

I got to talking with someone about someone's hands and fingers and... well, you can figure out the rest. enjoy this shameless smut! (side note I appreciate all the angst prompts you guys sent my way! I'm wrapping up a long WIP and then I'll get right on those <3)

all my fics go out to seasonsbloom & gretagerwigsmuse ty for all your love <3 sorry im dedicating this filth to you guys 🥴

It’s most definitely all your fault - but in your defense, you didn’t really see things panning out this way. 

Sure, wearing Jake’s favorite sundress to Rooster’s housewarming BBQ was teasing him enough as it was. Squeezing by him in the crowded kitchen and letting your ass press hard into his semi might have been a bit too far. But the kicker was sauntering up behind him as he watched Bradley man the grill, murmuring something about needing his car keys and digging around in his front pockets only to leave something instead. Something lacy. Something slightly damp. 

You didn’t think Jake would immediately be on your heels as you made your way back to the house. You figured he’d just grab you from behind, whisper in your ear about what a naughty girl you are, then let you be - but you always seem to forget Jake’s number one rule. 

Don’t start what you can’t finish. 

Now, he’s got you sitting up on the bathroom counter after fucking you through one orgasm, lips eagerly pressing kisses to your hot skin, cock sliding in and out of you gloriously, hand kneading one breast that’s fallen out the front of your dress. Your ass teeters on the edge of the cold marble, which soothes the raw skin on your buttcheeks. The two of you are lucky the exhaust fan drowned out the smacks of Jake’s earlier punishment, but there’s no way it’ll cover up your moans once Jake really starts pounding you. 

You’re gasping, biting into your lip so hard it’s sure to draw blood, holding back your whines as best as you can but still letting a few escape. Jake leans his head into your shoulder, positions his ear right next to your mouth, greedily pinches your nipple to pull another breathy moan from your lips. 

“That’s right, such a naughty slut. Think you’re clever, pulling a stunt like that? Thought you could get away with it?” he grunts out, moving his hands down lower to grab your hips harshly and pull you into him so that his thrusts go harder, deeper inside of you. A pool of slick is sure to form at the edge of the counter, and for a fleeting moment, you hope it won’t be too bad to clean up afterwards. 

An especially hard thrust has you keening, distracts you from the mess you're making. “Jake,” you whimper, reaching a hand up to muffle your sounds.

“Oh sweetheart, why don’t I take care of that for you?” Jake pulls his head back, looks at you viciously, brings his hand up to caress your cheek gently. His thumb lands right on your mouth, presses in slightly, and you purse your lips to press a small kiss to it.

At this, his thrusts slow down. Jake smiles, eyes crinkling ever so slightly, but he shakes his head. His thumb presses in harder. "Open," he commands, and you look up at him curiously, parting your lips ever so slightly without giving it a second thought..

His thumb slides into your mouth, warm and firm, hooks downward, presses hard on your tongue. "Close," he says, and you obey, licking the pad of his thumb and sucking lightly. Jake lets out a low moan, closes his eyes and pistons his hips a little harder, more forcefully. He keeps one hand anchored to your waist, keeping you upright, and his other hand remains glued to your cheek.

It does a good job of keeping you quiet - you're moaning around his thumb and sucking hard on it. When the tip of his cock grazes that spot inside of you, it has you bite down on his digit a little harder through a whimper.

"One second, sweetheart," he says, pulls out of your mouth, watches as a string of spit connects from your mouth to his knuckle. He chuckles lowly, appraises your fucked out look before pressing his index and middle fingers back into your mouth, further down so that they barely graze the back of your tongue.

"Here you go. Is that better?" he coos, smirking ever so slightly as you nod, whine a little more for him to go faster. "Think I'm getting close, sweetheart. Should finish up before they come looking for us."

At this, you suck hard on his fingers, let out a particularly loud muffled moan as your eyes roll back. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?" he grunts out, feeling your cunt clench down on him hard. "Maybe you'd like Rooster to walk in on us, see you sucking on my fingers like the slut you are? Maybe he can join us, eat my cum out of your pussy first before fucking you? Think I like the sound of that."

Jake's punctuating each sentence with an impressive roll of his hips - his pelvis smacks against your clit every time, sends waves of pleasure radiating throughout your body, makes you impossibly wetter. At this point, he starts fucking his fingers into your mouth, letting his knuckles catch before pushing them back inside, groaning out obscenities mixed with your name.

His cock twitching inside of you and the sting of his pelvis on your clit is overwhelming, overpowering. Because you aren't in the sanctuary of your home where you can scream and moan as loudly as you want - you're in Rooster's guest bathroom, the backyard is filled with other pilots, and you have to keep quiet. You have to be good for Jake.

"There's my good girl, so fucking pretty with my fingers in her mouth. Shit, I'm close, I'm gonna cum," he groans out, stuttering his hips before pressing his long cock into your and releasing hot spurts inside you, twitching all the while. As best as you can, you muffle out "Jake," around his fingers, tumble from a high of your own as you feel his warmth fill you up. Your nerves come alive, your back arching so that your head hits the mirror behind you, your heart thumping and your body all too aware of Jake's cock stuffed inside wet pussy and his fingers plugging your mouth. Your orgasm shakes you to your core, leaves you numb and sends vibrations trembling through your limbs.

Jake slides his fingers out of your mouth. “So lucky to have such a pretty girl,” he marvels, pressing a sweet kiss and caressing your cheek with a soft hand.

The two of you catch your breath, chests heaving and foreheads touching and Jake’s cock softening inside you. You look up to meet his heavy gaze, press your lips to his mouth so you can kiss him passionately. Your tongues slip together, and you taste the whiskey and cinnamon on his breath mixed with the tang of your release from earlier. Much earlier. How much time has really passed?

Rooster's exasperated voice sounds out from the hallway. “Are you fucking kidding me, Jake?”

#hangman x reader #jake seresin x reader #hangman imagine #jake hangman seresin x reader #tgm fic #tgm smut #may 🥰 #sorry i'm burying this in the tags I wrote this bc may got me thinking #and thinking got me drinking #and drinking got me... this mess

[presidenthades]

Once again, I am doing a series of my behind-the-scenes thoughts for The Golds while I do light edits for formatting, typos, and continuity. Here’s Chapter 7!

My original expected chapter count for this fic was 7 (one stanza of “The Song of the Seven” for each chapter title), but as I started increasing the number, I realized I needed to get creative with chapter titles. For this chapter, I picked the penultimate lyric “close your eyes, you shall not fall” because much of the chapter consists of Aegon helping Jace not “fall” into a further downward spiral, and there’s a certain amount of faith required by all parties that everything is going to be OK in the end.

Originally, Jace’s road to recovery was going to be even rougher than in the final version. She refuses to eat or drink anything, and her family gets pretty desperate to the point of doing stupid things to get her to eat. But I felt like that was unnecessary angst and trauma, and she’s already been through enough, so I dialed it back.

Similarly, she was going to have bad perinatal depression up until and after she gave birth, and there was a sequence where she refused to even hold Cheeseball for some time after he was born. But again, it made me feel like I was whumping on Jace and Aegon for unnecessary pain, so I focused more on the “comfort” rather than the “hurt” part.

This chapter is in Aegon’s POV because it was originally supposed to be the second half of Chapter 6 before I realized it was way too long. After I cut it in half, I debated rewriting it in Jace’s POV, but she’s stuck inside her head a lot this chapter whereas Aegon has a lot more action and growth. We return to Jace in Chapter 8 when she’s feeling more like herself but still recovering.

Orwyle is not a popular character in the fandom, which is understandable. He only gets like one minute of screen time, but that one minute made me think a lot about his character. When he’s a junior maester, he suggests a new poultice to try on Viserys instead of the traditional leeching method, and he shows a bit of doctorly compassion to Rhaenys when Vaemond’s body is being prepared. In the book, Orwyle’s defining trait is that he’s cowardly (he literally rewrites history to make himself look better to the Blacks, and he flees from the ship taking him to the Wall). But I was intrigued by how he ends up working at a mid-level brothel and teaches the girls there to read (how he gets caught later). He didn’t have to teach them how to read, but he chose to anyway (to his own detriment).

Overall I consider Orwyle as someone who’s very talented at his job (healing and teaching), and is actually a pretty empathetic person (good quality in a doctor), but he’s not strong-willed and is willing to cave on his principles to stay alive. Not exactly a villain, definitely not a hero either. So he’s going to do his job and do it well, regardless of his patient (especially in this AU verse where there’s less conflict).

After three years in the Stepstones, I’d be shocked if Aegon didn’t learn first aid (same with Aemond). He’s not necessarily interested in healing and such, but he’s capable of basic combat-adjacent medical tasks. So he knows how to clean and bandage wounds, and he can recognize common healing herbs.

I don’t think I need to explain that Westeros has a pretty poor understanding of mental health and doesn’t know what therapy is 😅. For most people who’ve undergone trauma, they would probably be told “carry on, as you were, etc” and they have to just “get over it.” But Jace is a princess who doesn’t have to worry about earning a living, has an overprotective husband, and is pregnant with a very important baby so her health and comfort are of paramount importance. So she luckily has a supportive environment dedicated to her recovery.

As is stated later in the chapter/fic, Jace fires her remaining LIWs because she’s convinced herself that it’s her fault they were injured/killed, and sending them away from her service will keep them safe. Irrational to be sure, but Jace has always been prone to blaming herself for things. She’s also worried that firing the LIWs will reflect poorly on them, hence her trying to compensate them monetarily. But the offer is insulting to Rhaena, who acts as a LIW primarily out of love. If Jace were more herself, she would’ve realized the implications of her offer equating Rhaena’s love/loyalty with a monetary value.

Initially, Jace’s list of “safe people” is very short: Aegon and Luce. Aegon is self-explanatory. Of all her sisters, only Luce makes the initial list because a) they’ve always been very close and b) Luce was there when they found Jace at the Garden, so there’s an added feeling of security. Although Aemond was also at the Garden, he isn’t on the list because their prior relationship wasn’t nearly as close as the other two.

When Rhaenyra touches Jace’s face while trying to feed her, Jace flips out because the Tyroshi grabbed her face when forcing down the dreamwine and later during his attempt with moon tea.

A little irony in Aegon offering to be Jace’s taste tester, when you think about how he dies in F&B 😢.

During Chapter 7 of the Handbook, Luce picks up three dragonglass daggers from the blacksmith. I mentioned them in the Handbook commentaries, but I’ll reiterate that she intended for Jace, herself, and Joff to each have one, as the three full-blooded daughters of Rhaenyra and Laenor. Jace clearly hasn’t been using her dagger, except to display it on her mantel maybe.

Daemon has decided to develop an emergency protocol in case any of the Targ girls are kidnapped again. I’ve been debating writing a oneshot about it.

Castle kitchens are hot, loud, messy places, and a princess would have no reason to ever go there. In a castle as large as the Red Keep, there are probably multiple kitchens. I imagine the Holdfast has a king’s privy kitchen and queen’s privy kitchen solely for prepping their food, and probably other kitchens too. I imagine the largest kitchens to be in the main part of the Red Keep, and that’s where Aegon puts Gyles and Ronnel. It’s a longer walk to get the pies to Jace and Aegon, but Gyles and Ronnel have a much wider social circle of other servants. It’s also where Aegon has his little office of petitions, and he likes being able to run out and grab pies whenever he wants.

Gyles and Ronnel are used to Aegon, so they’re relatively chummy with him. But they’ve never met Jace before, have only ever seen her at 1000% gorgeousness during her wedding parade, and have heard plenty of Aegon’s stories about how perfect she is. Of course they treat her with more respect and awe than they treat Aegon 😛.

I like to think that Ronnel does become a knight one day, and he wins a tourney in Jace’s name 🥰. And he’d probably take on a house name like Baker to honor his father.

I was trying to figure out how orange juice was made before things like juicers were invented. England had cider presses for apples, but citrus wasn’t really a thing for them back in the Middle Ages. Eventually I stumbled across the citrus reamer, which is definitely something they could’ve carved/created back in the day, but I COULD NOT get over how phallic it looked 😂. Naturally, Aegon finds it hilarious. I’m debating whether Gyles truly is innocent or if he’s messing with Aegon and has a great poker face.

I lingered on the details of how the pies are made because it’s important that Jace sees the process for herself and internalizes that pies are safe foods, they aren’t drugged, Gyles is trustworthy, etc.

I wanted to make sure that Jace wasn’t in a depressed, traumatized torpor all the time, because that isn’t how it works. She can have “good” moments when she’s moving around and seems normal, and then there can be “bad” moments when something triggers her, or she’s having an off day, and she spirals. The important thing is that she’s overall making progress, and it’s OK if she has days when she takes a few steps back.

We got more info in Chapter 8 on what Jace and Luce talk about in the garden. Luce is thinking about her upcoming nameday, which is the earliest date that Rhaenyra will allow her to be betrothed. But then there’s another year until her sixteenth nameday, when Rhaenyra will allow her to get married. Luce is pretty impatient, so she wants to figure out how much canoodling she can get away with during the year in between. So she asks Jace, because she’s positive Aegon didn’t keep his hands entirely to himself before the official wedding 😏.

Aegon is now very loath to ever let Jace out of his sight again, unless he’s 100% sure she’s safe in their room. The Joff incident in Chapter 9 probably doesn’t help.

Luce always haggles, even if it’s about how much distance Aegon has to stay behind her and Jace.

Aegon immediately gets bored of guard duty. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had some form of ADHD: Impulsive, restless, moody, hyperfixation (usually on Jace, but he can get really into his sleuthing).

Hypersexuality sometimes occurs after trauma/sexual violence, hence Jace’s uncharacteristic behavior after the garden scene. And knowing Jace, she’s probably (wrongfully) blaming herself somehow for “leading on” the Tyroshi.

Luce heard the Langward knight gossiping about Jace and got upset, then Aemond beat up the knight to make her feel better, as one does.

Court life means people are always going to gossip and run with the most salacious rumor possible, and it reignites Aegon’s desire for a private life, where he and Jace can live according to their own devices without worrying about what other people think. Unless he pulls a Maegor, he can’t do anything to stop the courtiers from acting like courtiers. So he comes up with the Dragonstone solution, but it’s only a temporary solution. As Otto says in Chapter 10, they are inextricably a part of the game, and Aegon and Jace can only hide away in Dragonstone for so long.

When they were kids, Aegon came up with many plans that got them all in trouble, so Luce recognizes the face he makes 😝.

Aegon has a very soldier mindset of “just pack some clothes and leave,” without thinking about how complicated it is to actually pack a princess’ household. Luckily Luce knocks some sense into him!

I don’t know what winter roses are supposed to look like except that they’re blue, but I liked the idea of petals close together huddling for warmth. And I completely made up Valyrian roses. Not sure if they actually came from Valyria or if it’s named just for the appearance.

Despite everything that happened, Jace is STILL WORKING 😭. What else do we expect from a girl who worked on her wedding night, I guess…

KL has a well system (it’s a big deal during Jaehaerys’s reign), but I imagine the public wells and fountains get real dirty real fast, especially in poorer parts of the city. When Jace was at the Garden, I imagine the girls had limited clean water to offer her for drinking and washing because they have to walk pretty far for good water. So Jace is thinking about that as she writes her well cleaning proposal.

I’ve been thinking a while about writing an Otto POV fic, and one of the ideas I jotted down for myself was that Otto is secretly a nerd about public infrastructure and sanitation. Oldtown seems to be a much cleaner and better run city than KL. I like to think about Otto adopting pet projects that make the capital less smelly and dirty. So Otto is naturally a supporter of a well cleaning project, and I’ve mentioned before that he likes Jace. Also he’s very invested in the pregnancy being successful, so he’ll do his part to reduce stressors.

Once again, the key to influencing/manipulating Jace is not by appealing to her own desires, but by appealing to the happiness and well-being of her loved ones. Aegon knows this, and it’s a good thing he adores her too much to use this power for evil.

Aegon’s household is basically just Gyles and Ronnel, so his departure preparations are quick. I’m sure he has personal servants assigned to him who handle his laundry and such, but he probably bribed them years ago to leave him alone so he can have privacy and sneak out. And he became rather self-sufficient in the Stepstones (although as royalty, he would’ve had servants there too for menial stuff), so he doesn’t want anyone helping him dress or shave or bathe or whatnot.

Aemond is such a bro, holding down a knight so Aegon can beat him up 🥲. Aegon knows Jace would disapprove of him breaking someone’s jaw for gossiping so he’s careful not to leave any evidence on his person.

Aegon also knows how to push Aemond’s buttons, so he easily convinces Aemond to join the Dragonstone vacation. Aemond would probably have invited himself anyway once he found out about the guest list.

While Jace has been reducing the governing work she does during pregnancy, Rhaenyra has been doing more of it. In canon, Rhaenyra seems content to isolate herself with her family at Dragonstone, so I carried over that attitude of savoring domestic bliss into this verse. But here, Jace is an overachiever, and I think her example kickstarts Rhaenyra into being more active too. So Rhaenyra has work obligations, and social ones as she’s been ingratiating herself at court again. It would be difficult to pack up her entire household (much larger than Jace and Aegon’s) and disappear to Dragonstone for 2-3 months, so she can’t immediately leave like the kids can.

Like Aegon, Rhaenyra is a bit paranoid now about letting Jace out of her sight. She’s also had a longstanding petty grudge about Jace picking Aegon as her #1, so she strongly disapproves of Aegon’s plan to take Jace away, even though Dragonstone is very close and technically her castle.

Aegon is not what I’d call emotionally mature, and he’s a troublemaker by nature. So he deliberately responds to Rhaenyra with things he knows she’ll hate hearing. And in the end, he forces Rhaenyra’s hand by telling Jace “of course Rhaenyra would love for us to go to Dragonstone” 😇.

Poor Daeron is too pure for Daemon’s Torture 101 class. Meanwhile Joff has an avid clinical interest in human anatomy, and Daemon is having the time of his life. Targ family bonding!

The Tyroshi put a collar on Jace, so Daemon put a collar on him to make things fair.

The Tyroshi knows he’s never going to escape, and he’s already endured an awful amount of torture/mutilation. At this point his goal is to die swiftly, so he tries to provoke Aegon into killing him.

I haven’t 100% decided the Tyroshi’s backstory, but I’m imagining him coming from one of the powerful conclave families in Tyrosh. There was absolutely no need for him to go to Westeros and make money through usury and slavery; he chose to because he thought it’d be fun to “get one over” the Targaryens by conducting a trafficking ring in their own capital (I imagine Tyrosh having an ancestral hatred of Valyrians, even though a lot of their culture was inherited from them as a result of being part of their empire). Just in case it wasn’t clear what kind of sadistic sociopathic person he is.

Joff has been brooding a lot about Laenor’s death ever since they found Old Willow, and now her guilt is carrying over into recent events with Jace.

We will learn more about the wet nurse in Aegon’s memory in future fics 👀. She calls him “Uncrowned One” because in this verse, he’ll be another Aegon the Uncrowned.

“Three children you shall have with your wife, black or green or something in between.” In canon, Aegon has three kids with Helaena. In this verse…well, I feel like I’ve dropped a lot of foreshadowing about him and Jace 😊. “In between” refers to how there isn’t a strong black/green divide in this verse, but there’s a new faction (gold) that includes people on both sides.

“All of them shall break like your legs and wings.” In canon, all of Aegon and Helaena’s children die terribly, and Aegon and Sunfyre end up crippled. In this verse, there is a close call during Cheeseball’s birth; if the maester and midwives had chosen to save Jace, the process for extracting a stuck baby is really gruesome.

“Unless you keep this little shadow close to the sun.” Jace has gotten a lot of sun imagery in this fic, and Joff is kinda obviously the shadow. It’s because of Joff’s intervention that the birth ends well. So there’s a way to avoid the “broken” part of the prophecy, but the condition must be met.

Aegon is a skeptic when it comes to witchcraft and prophecy, but there’s a reason his subconscious brings to the memory at this moment. Don’t leave Joff behind!

Aemond finds it extremely undignified that Vhagar, the largest dragon in the world and a veteran of multiple military conflicts, has been relegated to delivering baggage.

The stained dancing slippers that Jace finds in her room at Dragonstone are the same slippers that someone (Luce) accidentally ruins in Chapter 3 of the Handbook.

Valyria is strongly inspired by Classical Greece and Rome, so I decided to give them Roman-style bathhouses, which were often decorated with mosaics and has a hot room, warm room, and cold room. The Targs (or whoever built the castle) imported this to Dragonstone, and the volcano means they can get hot water very easily. Aegon was in the guest quarters last time he visited so this is his first time seeing the family bathhouse.

Some commenters suggested that Luce and Aemond are probably canoodling during their trips to the Dragonmont. There might be some of that going on, but Aemond is a huge dragon nerd, so I can imagine him geeking out about exploring the Dragonmont while Luce is disgruntled about him being oblivious to her attempts to make out 😂.

Gerardys is hoping that Jace will be OK with him and the midwives helping her by the time it’s time to give birth. But in case she isn’t OK, he decides to put one of the Targ girls on a midwifery fast-track. He picks Baela because she’s the strongest of the bunch, and acting as a midwife can be very physically exhausting.

Meanwhile, the mysterious bangs in the tower are Joff and Daeron trying to figure out ways to light the glass candle. This involves blowing up some stuff along the way.

Hyrkoon the Hero is part of ASOIAF lore, one of the potential alternative names for Azor Ahai. I decided that he’s the main character in quite a few fairy tales/myths, and every hero needs a sidekick. I invented the sidekick Santus the Swine by combining a half-pig character in Chinese folklore and Don Quixote’s Sancho Panza (whose name is supposedly derived from the Latin Sanctus), and it wasn’t until afterwards that I thought about the Pink Dread (which never happened in this universe because Jace stopped Aegon). I guess Aemond really can’t escape the pig references in any universe 🐷.

Anyway, Aegon’s really lucky he didn’t get himself and baby Jace killed when he shoved their wagon down their stairs. And Jace not being cut by the Iron Throne is a sign, maybe??? 👀👀👀 And yes, there is much symbolism in little Aegon helping baby Jace climb up the throne 🥺.

#my writing #meta #house of the dragon meta #hotd meta #fanfic meta #aegon ii targaryen #female jacaerys velaryon #the golds

[tiannasfanfic]

Concussion

Adrian Chase/Vigilante x Reader (Fluff)

Summary: A car accident leaves you with some injuries that make Adrian Chase a worrying, doting mess. (Crossposted to AO3)

Rating: General Audiences

Author Note: Gender neutral reader, no pronouns used. I imagine this as the Adrian/Reader pair from the "A Little Piece of Heaven" (link to masterlist) series, but it can easily be read as a standalone story with a new Adrian/Reader pairing if you haven't read it yet. Any events I mention from the other story is done as a brief recap so it makes sense to new readers or will refresh the memories of longtime readers. Inspired by the angst prompt, "Hey! Hey! Stay awake, okay? Stay awake.” But I started this story long enough ago I don't remember which angst prompt list I got it off of.

CW: The theme of the story is a car accident and injuries from accident, mainly a concussion. Adrian being Adrian, so canon-typical behavior on his part.

Word Count: 1,941

Divider by @firefly-graphics

Someone was talking to you.

“Hey! Hey! Stay awake, okay? Stay awake.”

Something was tapping you on the cheek.

Failing your hand at whatever was tapping you in the face, you opened your eyes to see Adrian looking down at you with concern.

You were still laying on the couch with your head in his lap, just like you had been since you got home from the hospital a few hours ago.

On the way to work that evening, you had gotten t-boned on the passenger side of your car. The brakes had failed on the other car when trying to stop at an intersection, so it wasn’t really anyone’s fault. You weren’t too badly hurt, given the circumstances. Most of the aches and pains would hit tomorrow, but tonight you had a headache and concussion from your head hitting the window.

“Hmm?” you said, rubbing your eyes. “What’s up?”

“You need to stay awake with a concussion,” Adrian said, his tone very serious as he stroked your arm, which just relaxed you more. “You’re not supposed to go to sleep.”

You couldn’t help but smile. It was sweet how worried he was and how he doted on you, even now after all these years. Before Adrian, you’d never had someone that genuinely seemed like they cared all the time like he did. It felt like most of your past partners only wanted to care when it was convenient for them, or when they thought they could get something out of it. Then, slowly, they stopped caring even that much. Not Adrian. He was almost obsessive with it when it came to you and his best friend. Rather than ease as time went on, it seemed to deepen instead. It was very co-dependent behavior, but you missed it whenever he was away on missions.

Honestly, that’s why you felt like Adrian had gotten clingier as the years went on. Waller took you away from him so much that things like this scared him a lot. A car accident due to faulty machinery was something completely out of anyone’s control, including Adrian’s. It wasn’t something he could “make right,” like if it had been a drunk driver. What happened to you was the literal definition of the saying “shit happens” and the idea of things like that happening while he wasn’t home terrified him.

“Sweetie, remember the doctor said I only had to stay awake for the first six hours after injury,” you reminded him.

“Yeah! And it’s only been -“ Adrian said as he picked up his phone. When the screen came on, he got a very confused look on his face. “Nine hours and thirty-eight minutes? How did that happen?”

“Time flies when you’re having fun,” you smiled up at him, reaching up to stroke his cheek.

“I’m glad you’re having fun,” he said, his expression softening slightly at your touch, but his tone was still stern. “Meanwhile, some of us are fucking terrified that your traumatic brain injury is going to kill you in your sleep.”

If anyone else heard that, they would’ve thought it was a joke since you only had a mild concussion. But one look at Adrian told you he was dead serious. One corner of his mouth was twitching downward, and his brow was slightly furrowed.

You sat up a bit and scooched up against Adrian’s side, so you were curled up to him. He wrapped his arms around you and held you close, looking down into your eyes now that your head was by his shoulder.

“You know how stubborn I am,” you said with a tired smirk. “Think a little bump on the head is really gonna take me out?”

“I know you’re super stubborn and badass, and that’s one of the many things that’s hot about you,” he said, voice filled with concern, and he started to play with your hair. “But I checked Reddit after you dozed off to see what I should do, and a lot of people feel like it’s still a good idea to wake you up and check and then keep you awake.”

This was not an unfamiliar situation to you. You have had to gently debunk knowledge that Adrian had learned from the internet before. It wasn’t very hard, but there was a process to it. You couldn’t just charge in and proclaim the doctor right, you had to be gentle.

“It was definitely good that you woke me up,” you said, placing a soft kiss on his chin. “I had no idea you were so worried.”

“Of course I’m worried,” he said, nuzzling down into you and nearly pulling you into his lap with how tightly he was holding you. “Why wouldn’t I be worried? I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you. If I could, I’d keep you here at home all the time so I know you would be safe.”

“Don’t worry,” you said. “I won’t be dying anytime soon.”

“You better not,” he mumbled from the side of your neck, then started softly kissing upwards towards the top of your head. “If you did, then I’d have to find a way to bring you back so I could kill you myself for dying on me.”

“If you brought me back, why not - ow!” you exclaimed as Adrian kissed the side of your head where it was hurting.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Adrian cried, pulling away from you a bit.

“S’okay,” you said, scooching close to him again. “Anyway. Why not just let me live if you bring me back?”

Adrian looked at you like you’d lost your mind.

“Because you’d be a zombie,” he said with a scoff. “If you think that during the zombie apocalypse, you’ll get special treatment just because I love you, you’ve got another thing coming. You get bit, your head comes off. End of story.”

You opened your mouth to say something but stopped to think about it for a minute.

“This may be the pain talking,” you said, since the hospital had told you to take ibuprofen and it was doing jack. “But that’s probably the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

Adrian looked at you in alarm and pulled back to start examining your eyes.

“That’s a really fucking weird thing to say even for you,” he said with worry. “And you’ve said some REALLY weird stuff to me before.”

You couldn’t help but laugh.

“No, think about it,” you said. “All those movies where someone keeps the zombie of the person, they love alive, they’re just hanging onto their corpse. The virus killed them. They’ve been dead this whole time. So, I’d rather you give my body a proper rest than you hang onto it and watch it rot in real time.”

Now Adrian was looking up towards the ceiling, thinking about it.

“That actually makes a lot of sense,” he finally said, looking back down at you. “And you’ll take care of me if I get bitten, right?”

“Of course,” you smiled at him. “I may be crazy sometimes, but I’m not stupid.”

“Oh! I didn’t mean it to sound like I think you’re stupid, I just meant-“

You shut him up with a kiss. It felt like Adrian’s entire body melted under yours at the touch of your lips. It wasn’t until you felt his grip start to tighten on you that you pulled away. You knew what that meant. While the doctor had explicitly said “no sex” for at least five days to give your whole-body time to heal from the wreck, you knew Adrian would definitely have no problem with finding reasons not to listen to that advice either. It was best just not to tempt him. This was a suitable time to circle back around to the other topic.

“It never hurts to double check everyone’s zombie apocalypse plans,” you said with a reassuring tone. “Speaking of double checking, do you remember what the instructions said I need to do for the next few days? I forgot.”

“Total rest for forty-eight hours,” Adrian said immediately since he had memorized the instruction sheet. “No physical activity, and limit screen time, like watching TV, in that time period too if it aggravates your symptoms, until those activities no longer provoke your symptoms.”

Luckily, watching a movie wasn’t too bad, but you hadn’t tried watching something you hadn’t seen. Adrian had been putting your background noise movies on for the two of you to watch. These were movies you had seen so many times that you didn’t feel the need to fully pay attention to them. Quite often, they were also the movies you fell asleep to while Adrian was gone on missions. You hadn’t been looking at the tv, just lying on the couch with your head in his lap. You closed your eyes whenever you started feeling any eye strain , no matter what you were looking at. That was how you ended up falling asleep.

“I think that’s been going okay so far,” you said, and Adrian nodded in agreement. “Did it say when I can go to bed?”

Adrian thought about it for a moment, brow furrowing, then reached over to the end table where he had the sheet laying. He read the whole thing over again, then shook his head.

“No,” he said finally. “Just not to go to sleep for six hours after injury.”

You were quiet for a moment, giving the appearance of thinking it over.

“That’s a pretty broad timeframe,” you said, then sighed.

It got quiet for a bit. You tilted your head up to look at him and saw he looked deep in thought.

“What if…” Adrian said slowly, still working it out in his head. “We do one more movie while I get something ordered for dinner. You should eat something, so you don’t get sick from the ibuprofen. Then bed after that?”

You nodded a little and tilted your head up to kiss him on the cheek, which made him blush like always.

A quick dinner was ordered via delivery. By “quick” it was just fast food via UberEats, but Adrian didn’t want to leave your side to go anywhere. Which ended up being a good thing in his mind since you started to fall asleep two more times while waiting for the food to get there. He was able to wake you up easily enough.

With food in your stomach, it was impossible to keep you awake anymore so it was time for bed. You were a little surprised when Adrian stripped down to boxers and started settling in next to you.

“Weren’t you patrolling tonight?” you asked.

Adrian looked at you with a stunned expression.

“Like I’m really going to leave you alone tonight,” he said as he turned the tv on and put it at a volume that didn’t bother you. “Just because I’m conceding doesn’t mean I’m not worried as hell. I’ll be right here all night watching to make sure you don’t stop breathing.”

True to his word, both times you got up during the night he was still awake.

However, when you woke up for the day, Adrian was curled up behind you, snoring into your shoulder.

Since you knew he would wake up as soon as you moved, you ended up staying in bed to let him get some more sleep. Besides, you knew as soon as you moved, you’d start hurting all over. For now, it was comfortable being held by him and listening to his breathing. So comfortable, in fact, you soon you fell back to sleep.

#adrian chase #vigilante #adrian chase fluff #adrian chase fanfiction #adrian chase imagine #adrian chase x y/n #adrian chase x you #adrian chase x reader #vigilante fluff #vigilante fanfiction #vigilante imagine #vigilante x y/n #vigilante x you #vigilante x reader

[smartycvnt]

I'm a Ruin

Title: I'm a Ruin Pairing: Jamie Hayter x Reader Prompt: 14. "Please don't go, I can't be alone right now." + 11. "I'm a mess, you don't want me." R WC: 732

Jamie kept her head down as she walked along the sidewalk. Everything was in a downward spiral for her. She had given up the one thing that had made her happy since Toni abandoned her, all for a title she knew would never last forever. Championships changed hands, just like her feelings should have. Y/n hadn't been close to Jamie for very long, but the woman had left her mark. Jamie had been lying to herself about not wanting or needing Y/n, and it was only a matter of time before the truth came out. Once that championship was gone, Jamie had hit her absolute lowest point. She had shoved away someone who truly loved her, gotten her ass beaten, and lost the only thing she had to show for her mistakes. And now, she didn't know if she'd be able to get in shape to come back.

This was going to be another beating, one that Jamie was never going to truly be ready for. Y/n wasn't going to take her back, and Jamie knew that, but it didn't mean she couldn't hope for just one night. Jamie remembered how she had walked away from Y/n on their last night together. She could still remember the way that Y/n had begged and pleaded with her not to go with Britt that night.

"Please don't go, I can't be alone right now." Jamie had walked away without a second thought. She had turned her back on Y/n, and if it wasn't for the fact that Jamie knew Y/n was about two steps away from being a literal saint, Jamie never would have walked all the way here.

"I need you, I miss you. Please let me in!" Jamie shouted as she banged on Y/n's door. Jamie had expected herself to hold a bit more composure, but from the tired look on Y/n's face, she had been expecting this for a while now. "Hi baby."

"I'm not your baby anymore, you made sure of that," Y/n said as she stepped aside to let Jamie inside. Jamie didn't let the moment go to waste, afraid that Y/n would change her mind if Jamie didn't act fast. Y/n didn't look at Jamie as she poured herself a drink and laid down on the couch. Jamie knew that it was Y/n's subtle way of warning her not to get too close, but Jamie was still tempted to sit behind Y/n's head like they used to.

"I have a lot to apologize for," Jamie said. Y/n nodded as she swirled her drink around in her glass. "I'll just start by saying that I'm sorry."

"That's a good starting place." Y/n's words slurred together, like she had been drinking a lot. There had been rumors backstage, reasons why Y/n hadn't been seen at shows. Jamie had heard them, picked a few fights because of them, and ultimately decided that they had to be bullshit. Y/n was smarter than to let herself become so broken over Jamie, but as Jamie sat there, she realized that they were true. Y/n was a complete mess, held together by a single, tequila soaked thread.

"That title was not more important than you, and I never should have let myself believe that it was. I want to ask you to take me back," Jamie said. Y/n just laughed in her face. She kept going until the laughter turned into sobs. Jamie sat back, unsure of what to do to help. "Y/n?"

"You don't want me," Y/n mumbled.

"Yes, I do. I've been a wreck without you."

"I'm a mess, you don't want me. You think that you do, but you want someone to fix you. Find a nice girl, let me circle the drain in peace Jamie. It's too late for you to clean up your mess, just don't let them drag my name through the dirt after they put me under," Y/n said. Jamie couldn't hide the concern on her face. Y/n got up off the couch and grabbed Jamie's cheeks as she leaned down. "I don't think that I'd truly be okay if I hadn't met you. I wasn't right to begin with, so don't beat yourself up. No matter what happens, it wasn't really your fault."

#my writing #aew x reader #aew #jamie hayter x reader #jamie hayter

[the-hornedwitch]

The Importance of Meditation

"Meditation is a practice in which an individual uses a technique – such as mindfulness, or focusing the mind on a particular object, thought, or activity – to train attention and awareness, and achieve a mentally clear and emotionally calm and stable state.[1][2][3][4][web 1][web 2]" Wikipedia

Yes, I'm one of THOSE Witches that swears by meditation. You know, the annoying one who tends to say shit like. "You know, if you just meditated", or "Meditation helps with... "

*insert eye roll*

Yes I'm that Witch, I annoy myself too. Believe me, I've caught myself in a downward spiral, fixating on shit I have NO business fixating on. Wondering why I'm so upright, and angry. Then guess what, "You know if you..."

Oh shit, that's right I haven't meditated in....

Que Whoopi Goldberg cerca Ghost. "Girl, you's in danger"

Anywho

I discovered meditation in my late teens to early 20s. At the time I was interested and fasinated by the teachings of Buddhism. (Still am) I tried for a time to utilize the practice of meditation, however found it difficult. Much like the general population, I thought it "silly" to "just sit" and be. As time went on I attempted again and again to no real avail. Often wondering, "am I doing this right" "I'm not clearing my mind" "WTF am I even doing?"

When I found the Craft I learned about Pathworking, and other forms of grounding. These worked relatively well for a time and I started to realize the benefits. Meditation became a little easier.

Then during my mid 20s some things happened and my mental health took a dramatic dive. Apparently, unchecked/undiagnosed mental illness can screw up your life. Who would of thunk it?

So after some very very scary thoughts and actions, I got to go spend some time in the hospital with the grippy socks. More than once, it was a weird time. After that little "vacation", a social worker suggested I seek out DBT. (Dialectical behavior therapy).

During my time in that program I was introduced to mindfulness meditation and began practicing it on a regular basis. It saved my life, in a very literal sense.

On my path to recovery I found other forms of meditation, and have figured out what does and does not work for me. While establishing and working on my spiritual practice, I discovered the importantce of meditation. It not only has helped me to ground but has also opened up a channel for me to communicate with my Pantheon. (Deities and Spirits)

Like any other human, I have my faults and my short comings. I do not meditate as often as I should, especially when life throws a fast one at me. Which Ironically, is the most important time to utilize the art of meditation. Funny how that works huh?

I have come to a point in my life, were daily meditation, even a simple five minutes. Is a must, and the constant routine is vital to my well being.

In this day and age of constant information, and noise, taking a few minutes to yourself can radically change your outlook on the world and your life. Not only do you discover your inner voice, you learn effective ways to cope. Among other things, everyone is different and their path is unique to them.

For those on a spiritual path, yes even you Satanist. Meditation is a fantastic tool to utilize.

I encourage everyone to attempt it, you are your own person and know what is best for you. So do what speaks to you.

Now go Hail yourself and live life.

#theistic satanism #witchcraft #meditation #spritualgrowth #mental health

[invadernurse]

Catching Flies (Revised) Ch. 19

Chapter 19: A Knife to the (Brain)

Overall rating: Teen

Summary: You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. That’s what they say anyway.

Teacher!Reader makes the mistake of trying to help the two most troubled kids in your class. This leads to forming a science club, learning some childhood psychology, adopting an alien older than you, and somehow catching Professor Membrane’s interest.

Afab Non-binary Reader;

The reader does have a last name: Nemo– which means no-name.

Chapter One |Master post |Ao3

There were four levels of priority calls that Professor Membrane had taught his children as well as programmed into their phones. Priority Three were more like quick messages that needed to be shared but didn’t require a response if he was busy. Such as when Gaz’s favorite series announced a sequel, or when Dib had a Swollen Eyeball meeting and would be late for dinner. 

Priority Two were things he would need to address but not urgently. So a small reminder would notify him as soon as he was no longer busy with an urgent matter. Such as Gaz wanting a forward on her allowance for some DLC, or Dib needing another permission slip signed to attend a paranormal conference. 

Priority One was for non-life-threatening emergencies and would call through unless he was in something critical. Like settling fights between his children or talking to teachers or whomever else to avoid a lawsuit because his children were anything but typical. 

Priority Zero was for life-threatening issues only and had only been used twice since their invention. These calls would go through even if the Professor was literally inside a fission reactor, on a time crunch to fix a fault before it went into catastrophic failure. 

Thankfully, that was not the case this time. He was merely enjoying a cup of Earl Grey as he allowed his mind to rest after work. Between the emotional confusion you put him through and the stress of his career, he had found himself needing to take a calming moment to straighten his thoughts as well as his priorities before he began on his ‘home projects.’   

But the blaring alert startled him out of his meditative state, causing his heart rate to skyrocket as the holo screen flared to life, not even waiting for him to accept the call. 

“Dad!” Dib appeared, his eyes wide with panic. “I don’t know what Zim did, but Mx. Nemo is unconscious. There’s a hole the back of their neck and I think they’re leaking that cerebral fluid stuff and I don’t know what to do and neither does Zim and--“

“This never happened before!” Zim interjected, sounding defensive, but he could see the fear in the boy's expression, as well as his hair in massive disarray (a part looking like it was antenna pointed downwards, but surely it was just hair at an odd angle) and eyes bloodshot. (He’s never seen eyes so bloodshot they lost their iris and pupil, but the boy had a lot of health issues.) “Previous test subjects would pass out when the computer detached, but would wake up within seconds!”

None of their words made much sense to the Professor, but he understood enough to figure out you were injured in some way. He stood and made his way for the first aid kit underneath the kitchen sink out of habit. The one prepped for anything from a paper cut to loss of a limb or radiation sickness. "Calm down and tell me what happened." 

--+--

Professor Membrane met the boys at the front of Zim’s home, where they had you secured to a hovering stretcher. He didn’t pause to wonder how or why Zim happened to have a hover stretcher at his home, he was far more focused on you. pale, sweating, mumbling, and completely delirious as you struggled against the straps that secured you. He forced himself to hold your thrashing head still long enough to inspect the bandage on your neck, and felt ill at the Halo sign that stained it.  

Panic was something very rare for Professor Membrane to experience. Yet right now it threatened to overwhelm him. A Neural Spike. The boys essentially shoved  an electrometer straight into your neurological system, via your brainstem. The part that controlled the most basic of functions. 

Membrane Labs had been working on Neural Spikes, but they were strictly theoretical at the moment. Every simulation they ran ended poorly, ranging from paralysis to death. And these children thought they could do better?! 

No. He pushed those thoughts out of his mind as they loaded the stretcher into his car before rushing down the few streets to the Membrane home, torn between focusing on your vitals and driving. 

“Wouldn’t it be better for them to be in a hospital?” Zim asked as he and Dib sat on either side of you in the back.

“Typically, yes,” Professor Membrane admitted, gripping the steering wheel tight.  “However, I highly doubt their physicians have encountered this kind of situation before. Nor would they have the experience needed to properly treat them."

“And you do?” His son asked, doubt coloring his voice.

If it wasn’t for the failsafes engineered into his prosthetics, his grip would have completely crushed the steering wheel. “Well, not first-hand experience, but I have more theoretical knowledge of the situation and the various complications that may arise. Which means I’m the most qualified. Thankfully my lab has the proper equipment to keep them stable while I assess the situation and formulate a plan.” 

What he didn’t want to admit to them --as well as himself-- was that he didn’t feel qualified or as confident as he usually did. He felt overwhelmed, his mind racing and a sense of dread weighing heavily in his stomach. He felt ill and on the verge of panic. He wasn’t used to uncertainty or fear. He wasn’t used to his emotions coloring his thought process and the apprehension only made it worse. 

Things didn’t get any better once they reached the Membrane home and you were transferred onto the small medical table to allow his instruments to do their work. His feelings actually intensified once he instructed the children to stay upstairs, leaving him alone with you. He was sure if he didn’t have stabilizing protocols programmed into his prosthetic arms, his hands would be shaking uncontrollably. 

His body was on autopilot as he started the machines and scanners, his mind running through the potential outcomes. You may not be dead (yet) but there was a strong possibility that you would never wake and remain comatose. Or you could semi-wake into a permeative vegetative state. Or wake with amnesia. Changed personality. Aphasia or some other type of neurological disorder. 

Or you could be left with some kind of physical disability, though that was probably the least concerning at this point. Those were outcomes that he and his team could easily deal with. As long as you were mentally okay. As long as you were still you. That is what he truly worried about. 

But really, he would take whatever outcome as long as it meant you remained in his life, in the boys’ life. It seemed irrational that he was so emotionally invested in your wellbeing when he had only known you for less than half a year, but you had made such a positive impact in all of their lives in such a short time. For you to be ripped from them so suddenly… For him never to see you smile again, listen to your voice, your laugh. The way he could see your emotions so clearly on your face, the compassion and care you held. 

He pressed a hand to your forehead, less to allow his sensors to measure your vitals, and more of an instinctive action to reassure himself. He could do this. You would pull through. He would see your eyes open once more. Maybe even feel your hand in his. 

You would pull through. It made him ill to imagine otherwise.

--+--

When you came too, bright lights shined down from above, nearly blinding you. 

“What the hell?” You groaned, covering your eyes from the light. You tried to sit up, but barely moved an inch before falling back on the bed. Table? Whatever it was, it was not your bed. Even it was more comfortable then whatever you were laying on.  

“I would recommend not moving,” Professor Membrane’s voice stated coldly from somewhere nearby. “I’m still reviewing your neurological system for any abnormalities.”

“Uh…” Your hand  was frozen mid-movement to shield your eyes from the bright lights. Your memory was finally waking up with the rest of your body (which hurt like hell) and you could recall helping Zim and Dib. Volunteering to allow Zim’s computer to ‘read your memories’ and then…

Pain. Confusion. Feeling very, very ill.  “Am I going to be okay?” 

“My preliminary reports indicate you should,” the professor sighed from somewhere out of your line of sight. “Thankfully. And despite whatever insanity compelled you to allow two middle school children to conduct a highly theoretical experimentation of hijacking your nervous system via a spike to your brainstem.“ 

Ok, he was… he was definitely upset. And when worded like that, you could see why. In retrospect, that had not been one of your brightest ideas. You swallowed carefully, hoping it wouldn’t interfere with whatever tests he was doing before quietly adding on: “I’m sorry….” Sorry you agree to something that in hindsight was a stupid idea. Sorry for apparently worrying him. Sorry for being such a bother. 

“I assume the only reason you agreed to such a thing was because you didn’t understand the potential consequences.” His voice returned to that initial coldness that was not at all the Professor Membrane you were used to.

“Well, Zim said it might hurt, but that was likely the worst of it.” Though now you wondered if he even knew what it was like being hooked up to the thing. To have your brain and mind scanned by a computer. He was Irken, the pak knew all his thoughts, controlled him completely, was him.

You fought back a wince from the sharp pain that thankfully faded as quickly as it came. Still, the thought, the idea, lingered and occupied your thoughts during the long, heavy silence before Professor Membrane sighed. “You can move now.” 

You let your hand drop to the side of the table and looked over at him. He moved away from the computer on the other side of the lab and walked up to where you laid. The glare of the lights off his goggles prevented you from seeing his eyes as he looked down at you, making you feel even smaller. 

This must be what a lab rat felt like. 

“‘Might hurt’ isn’t even a broad oversimplification appropriate for this situation,” he started, his hands clenched into fists at his side. “In fact, that would have been the most pleasant consequence if something had gone wrong. Previous simulations have included partial to complete paralysis, permanent loss of bowel and bladder function, detachment of consciousness, several varying degrees of mental disabilities--” 

“Hey,” you interrupted between breaths as he tried to list everything. You reached over to grab his hand, and was disappointed to find that took a large chunk out of your energy. Still, you offered a smile as he looked down at you. “I don’t have any of those. See, I can even wiggle my toes.” 

He glanced down at your toes, which wiggled freely. You even rolled your ankles to prove your point, causing him to sigh as he looked back towards your face. “I’ve had the unfortunate experience of having colleagues suffer for science, but they often fully understood the risks. But you…” he squeezed your hand tightly, his coldness evaporating and replaced with a pained tone. “Those boys should have known better.” 

“They’re kids. They didn’t know better.” Despite feeling like your body was cut from lead and weighed ten times more than it should, you forced yourself to sit up. Professor Membrane automatically reached to steady you as you swayed on the edge of the table, gripping your shoulders tightly.  

“They should have. You should have. If something had gone wrong, if you had been seriously injured…” 

Later, you would blame the lightheaded-dizzy feeling for the fact that you reached up and cupped his face with both hands through his lab coat’s collar. You weren’t quite prepared to actually feel the shape of his face beneath the heavy fabric. Logically, you knew it was there; knew that his face wasn’t some vague, shapeless form hidden from view. But now you could feel the firmness of his jaw and the soft give of his cheeks. Your tactile sense happily trying to supply your brain with enough information to imagine what was beneath. 

There was a face there, strong and masculine from the way it felt. 

Focus, you mentally scolded yourself after a moment had passed. Sure, he hadn’t said or moved an inch, but you were probably massively weirding him out.

“Everything’s fine, so you don’t need to worry about that,” you continued, hoping he’d be reassured and not more freaked out.  Yet just as you began to pull away, his hands grasped yours, making you pause. You expected him to pull your hands away, but instead he laced his fingers with yours, squeezing tight. 

His head lowered, his forehead pressing against yours and the collar of his lab coat tickling your nose as his goggles pressed into you. Your heart hammered in your chest as you felt the subtle warmth of his skin pressed against his, his breath ghosting across your face as it escaped the confines of his lab coat. 

“I can’t understand it,” he muttered softly. 

“What’s that?” you whispered, not wanting to break whatever this moment was. Dare you admit to yourself how tender and intimate it felt? 

“These feelings. These emotions. I tried to ignore them, to not allow them to interfere with our relationship, but controlling them is far more difficult than I anticipated.” 

No. No no no. There was no way, no way that Professor Membrane would have feelings. For you. 

Yet what else could he be talking about? 

No. You had to be imagining things. “You’re allowed to be upset with us,” you said, hoping maybe that was what he was talking about. “In retrospect, what we did was idiotic. And dangerous. So it would only be natural? I mean, Dib is your son, and we’re friends, I think, so…” 

You trailed off as he hummed thoughtfully, “Friends… maybe I’m simply unfamiliar with non-professional relations and that is what’s causing this confusion.” 

 You were pretty sure he was talking to himself, but couldn’t help but nudge his nose slightly with yours, catching his gaze. His eyes were a dark amber, both pleading and full of confusion. As if you held the answer he was looking for, and he needed to know. It made your tongue feel thick and your chest tight. “Well, if so, we’re in this together. I don’t exactly have a ton of friends myself, so we’re both kinda new to this, I guess.” 

If possible, he sunk against you a little more, squeezing your hands tightly and filling you with warmth. “I cherish our friendship, Mx. Nemo. So please, don’t do something so idiotic again.” 

“Yes sir,” you said, sure this was a dream. Much more realistic and less, uh, mature than others. But to have this kind of closeness with him… it had to be a dream. “No more experiments, I promise.” 

“Well, I wouldn’t go that far to refute any further experimentation,” he added with both a tone of skepticism and humor. “Just none that involves a metal rod into your brainstem.” 

“Okay, yeah,” you finally smiled. “I can definitely promise that.”

--+--

It took another hour before Professor Membrane finally conceded on letting you stand and leave the lab. Both Dib and Zim were sitting at the kitchen table, looking rather morose and anxious until you stepped out from behind Professor Membrane.

“Hey boyos,” you greeted as they instantly perked up. 

“Mx. Nemo!”

Both instantly plowed into you, wrapping their arms around you tightly and knocking you back a few steps into Professor Membrane behind you. You barely registered his hands on your shoulders to keep you steady and were more focused on the boys’ futility trying to hide their crying as you wrapped your arms around them. “Hey, woah. It’s okay. I’m okay.”

You rubbed their backs as best you could, and after a long moment they reluctantly let go, both sets of eyes proving they had indeed been crying. 

Proving that Zim was faulty because Irken Invaders didn’t cry. They felt nothing for no one-

You bit back a hiss at the sudden influx of sharp pain at the base of your skull. The only reason you didn’t stumble to your knees was the Professor’s firm grip on your shoulders, keeping you stable before the pain disappeared as quick as it came. 

“Perhaps you should sit,” he offered, voice colored with concern as you regained your balance. “It’s quite likely you will experience adverse effects from your incident, so it is best to take it easy in the interim.” 

“I’m fine,” you insisted as you purposely stepped away, proving you could stand on your own without issues. You did wobble, but just a little. “Just a little headache, that’s all.” 

While your words were meant more for the professor, Zim latched on to them as he glared at Dib. “See! I told you they’d be fine!” 

“They are not fine!” Dib shot back with a snarl. “They’ve been out for hours! And you heard dad, Mx. Nemo could still experience issues because of your stupid machine!” 

“I agree,” Professor Membrane added, sounding firm once more like he had in the lab. “Just because everything is stable now doesn’t mean that something disastrous--“

“I am fine!” You interrupted, giving him a pointed look. You didn’t want the boys to feel any worse than they already did. That, and you didn’t want to think about what could have happened, ordwell any more on the fact you had massively messed up this time.

You all had learned a lesson, and that was sufficient. Right? 

Unfortunately, he didn’t seem to agree as he crossed his arms. “Just because no serious complications are currently apparent doesn’t mean that you are completely unharmed. The insertion site in your neck is still prone to infection, and other issues--“

“Yes, yes, yes,” you huffed, crossing your own arms. “But you don’t need to go over all of that in front of the children.”

“They need to understand that their actions have serious repercussions,” he argued. “They could have killed you, or worse. If they are going to conduct such experiments, they need to realize the responsibility that comes alongside cutting-edge science and human experimentation. This time, you three were extremely lucky. It’s more than possible that in the next experiment with such risks you won’t be so fortunate.” 

Silence hung heavily over the kitchen at his words. And you had to admit, if the boys were doing ‘experiments’ involving life or death, they needed to know the risks, but you felt like he could be a little gentler about it. 

Or maybe that was your own ego protesting.

  Besides, Zim was no boy. He was an Irken invader who had killed more than you could know. Whole planets gone in a blink because of Zim. He was no child; he was-- 

“I thought luck wasn’t very ‘scientific’,” Gaz commented from the table, where she had apparently been sitting the entire conversation, engrossed in her game. 

“Wishing isn’t scientific,” the professor pointed out. “Unfortunately, sometimes when facing variable outcomes, luck is indeed a component. Or rather, luck is a simplistic term for the randomness of quantum variables that make it impossible to correctly calculate all factors to arrive at a predicted outcome.”

You blinked trying to understand his words. "Dad, just say luck is real," Gaz sighed, looking up from her game with a deadpan expression. "So what, now that Mx. Nemo's okay, everything can calm down?"

#invader zim #professor membrane #enter the florpus #dib membrane #invaderzim #catching flies #invader zim zadf #professor membrane x reader #catching flies fic #invader zim fic

[hyunsuks-beanie]

Someone Like You

Pairing: Hyunjin × gn. reader

Genre: Fluff/Angst

Content Warnings: Jealousy; possessiveness; insecurity; potential hints towards reader being bisexual, but nothing stated explicitly

Part of: Mellow's You've Got A Letter Event 

Mellow speaks: Happy pride🏳️‍🌈 to the anon d requested this!! Thank you for the lovely request, but I just wanna let you know that I decided to keep things not too explicit, to make the reading relatable for all my readers. Hope you don't mind haha, especially since June is the month of celebrating equality among everyone!

Tagging: @sweethyuka @yedammi @enhacolor @yunhorights @axartia @yogurteume 

Hey Y/N? 

I know you're probably confused about finding a note sticking out from under your pillow, right? But uhmm........I just wanted to ask you if you're still up for our paintball date later? I mean, you can totally tell me if you don't want to, or if there's something else you'd rather be doing, or even someone else you'd rather be doing that with. 

Ugh, this is going nowhere. But now I don't have time to restart this letter, because I need to be at the pre-recording session in 30 minutes. And I'm sure you're even more confused by now, so I guess I'm just gonna come clean. When you came to the music show to support us, I saw you talking to a few of the makeup artists. You looked so adorable smiling like that and it really seemed like you were enjoying getting to know someone new.

It's been a while since you got to do that, isn't it? You've just been so busy, and at first, it made me smile seeing you spending time with someone that's not me, and I was happy because I'm not able to always give you as much time as I'd like to. But then, that smile slowly started to fade when I realized you were spending a bit too much time with them. It soon got annoying, and I wanted you to be done and come over to me already. It started to get on my nerves and I found myself wanting to pull you away from them and just hug you tight. 

You guessed it right, I was just being a jealous idiot. But that uncalled for, and I know you're definitely not in the wrong for trying to befriend them. It's just.....we both know you and I are so different from each other. You're literally a ball of sunshine and all I am is a shy, dorky, lanky guy. I sometimes feel I'm holding you back from living life, always wanting to stay indoors and not being too quiet half the time.

And even when I try to be more open to new things and plan dates like the one today, I end up being nervous that I won't be able to make things fun for you and things just spiral downwards. So when I saw you finally find someone who is as into "late-night drives with the windows down" as you are, I guess I just got a little possessive and insecure. I almost did reach out to grab you by the arm and pull you to myself, but in the end, I couldn't bring myself to. 

Why? Because in that moment, I felt guilty. Guilty for not being good enough, and guilty for still having the audacity to think this way. I know it's my fault that I was jealous, and after having stayed awake last night thinking about the way I acted, I also know that you deserve to be free to meet and spend time with people who aren't me, or even like me. And that needs to be the case whether it's you befriending a guy, or a girl, or someone else. 

I'm sorry for feeling this way, baby. I'm not the best with words, but right now, all I'm hoping for is that you realize that I do care. 

I love you, and I'm sorry.

Hyunjin 

#hyunjin #hyunjin fluff #hyunjin angst #stray kids fluff #stray kids angst #bang chan #bang chan fluff #bang chan angst #felix #felix angst #felix fluff #lee know #lee know angst #lee know fluff

[theoncomingdoo-dah]

so, still working on The Ties That Bind Us (11rose fic with some light bondage)

But I I'm really liking the direction its going so far.

cw: slight NSFW text

Surely this wasn't the first time he had been bound like this. But it never made him feel this way. Pssh. It must be this new body's fault. Obviously. "I blame you." The Doctor scolded, glancing downward. "And now, nghh-!, I can't concentrate because this blasted body is too distracted with-! Gah-!" Did it really come to this? Getting flustered by being restrained? And having to do something about the flusteredness to get his thoughts in order? Seemed to be that way. The Doctor knocked his head against the stone wall in frustration. The pain stung but not as much as the embarrassment. "Have it your way then." At least he could actually do something about it since his wrists(and the braided knot) were level with his pelvis. He glanced out of the cell, checking to see if the hall was empty. Before starting to rut himself against the knot. He hated that it was working. And hated even more that it actually felt good. And hated even MORE that being bound added to the sensation.

I think this is a record for how quickly into a fic that I made it weird.

As if talking to 'it' would make things easier for him.  "This would be easier if Rose was here." His mind began to drift away with that thought before he caught it. "NOT for that reason. She could untie me or use the Sonic to loosen the ropes." "Wait." Where was Rose? She obviously wasn't captured with him. He would be able to hear her if she was in the same dungeon. Maybe she was on her way? But what if something happened to her? He'd be stranded in this cell with these meddlesome ropes, itchy nose and his tight trousers. Actual, literal hell. Not to mention, he'd never see her again.  "Rose…" The Doctor sighed sadly. "I hope you're alright. If I could just-!" He tugged on his bonds yet again, straining.  Not a budge. He was just making everything worse for himself.  And since he was already thinking about Rose, his mind took a dip into all kinds of gutters.  "Ugggh! I hate this body!!" He grumbled loudly, kicking his feet, which were of course bound at the ankles. 

OH YEAH ROSE IS IN THIS FIC. also yes, I love write 11 as petulant and pouty.

The problem in his trousers was starting to throb and become even more prominent. "Unbelievable. I have half a mind to tear you clean off once I get back to the TARDIS. If I ever make it back there-!"

Would you believe me if I said this isn't the first time I've made a character consider ripping off their junk. It's not.

Rose tended to his ankles first so he could keep his balance while she handled his wrists. "Hello dear." He chirped, his head still feeling a bit woozy from the fall. The Doctor could hear Rose giggle at the pet name. "Missed me?" Rose teased, pressing her specialized Sonic against the ropes that bound his wrists until they limply fell away. "Always."

AHHH ITS THEM I LOVE THEM

also yes I gave Rose a Sonic. Well, I didn't, the TARDIS did but yea

After reorienting himself, he leaned down and grabbed his jacket off the floor, brushing any debris off the fabric before putting it back on. He found a sliver of reflective silver on the far wall to look at himself in, and took time to fix his hair, adjust his bowtie and…what was the other thing? Right! He placed a finger against the bridge of his nose and scratched at it. "Ohhhh yess."

I'm having way too much fun writing this goober

#dw #the doctor shitposts #timepetals #elevenrose #the doctor shipposts

[dex-starr]

My brain is so restless and I legit can’t stop having intrusive thoughts about just inflicting irreversible damage to me bc it’s what I deserve for what I’ve done (in my mind). It’s not like I will act on it but I’m just tired of this thought loop. I’m am so lonely and I feel so guilty about everything and I feel like there’s nothing I can do to make anything right at all. I’m like killing myself slowly in the sense of wants and needs and I’m not sure if that’s something that can be reversed or if it should be. It’s real fucking bad and like I don’t want to trouble anyone about it, I know I should reach out but man this is exactly what started all the issues in the first place and just created a downward spiral except now I’m out of things to lose because I lost everything last time to my own faults.

I’m wracking my brain for solutions to problems that will not change instead of accepting it and moving forward — it really is a damn shame too. Why am I like this, it makes me not good enough for anyone even in a friend capacity let alone as something more than a friend. It’s like it I didn’t have to deal with this uncertainty, this fucking stupid ass illness and this stupid ass brain I would’ve just made the choice to go say fuck it. But then part of me realizes that hey dude your mom came very close to being mortally ill this year like you said would happen. So I get some twisted confirmation on sticking to my choices and reasoning. But then I realize that I should e still just given them what they wanted because they weren’t asking for much at first, my stupid ass brain just prioritized things in a batshit stupid order because other people could’ve taken care of my dog. Part of me just felt guilty that he maybe got sick on my watch but it ended up just being a genetic condition. Then I realize just how much shit I wasn’t there for too and I don’t blame her for leaving. I was shitty. I let her down even though I told her I would never do that and always put her first, clearly my actions didn’t come off that way and I get that. No matter what my reasoning is, no matter how I tried to justify it as like “I will be together with you in the future just wait for me” I was needed in the now. But I also needed them in that time too I just didn’t ask for it and let them now how bad I was doing. So like I said, stupid choices that make me unworthy of things rather than actually being unworthy initially by design.

I don’t know what to do with myself anymore because I am literally trying everything. I’m so fucking frustrated with myself this year bc I fucking blew it lol. I thought stupidly to myself “hey this girl loves me let me get my shit together and try to go to her after that” when clearly getting my shit together was going to take longer than I expected and I should have been getting my shit together when I got with her already. Instead I let my actions create space, pushed them away to other people and didn’t do shit to reassure them that hey you know I actually love you. I don’t fucking blame them for moving on because of that, I blame myself. It just kind of sucks to go through this bc like I’ve been saying I thought she was the one. It honestly felt like that to me, I just didn’t treat her that way. Now I can only ramble on about my idiocy and fight these intrusive thoughts and suicidal ideations that I don’t really mean but still occur.

#shut up pls dex

[dafuq-i-did-not-sign-up-for-this]

My Two Cents on HotD discourse

People arguing whether Aemond or Lucerys is in the right, Team Black or Team Green, when Luke was literally a five year old child and Aemond was fucking nine or something and so were Jace and Baela and Rhaena, all heavily traumatized and grieving and influenced by their respective families and upbringing and the feud and conflict they were all born into.

People taking apart the fight scene second by second to prove if it was Aemond's fault or Luke's fault or Jace's fault, or anyone's fault, failing to see the cast of characters as victims of their circumstances, as actions and plot points actively having consequences, like Aemond being ridiculed leading to him claiming Vhagar and of course Rhaena being upset about it, and Jace having fucking anger issues because of the stress he, at this point alone alongside Rhaenyra, is under because of their heritage, and Aemond poking those issues with a stick, hurting Luke, and Luke protecting Jace cause he doesn't know what the fuck is going on but he thinks Aemond is going to hurt his brother and cousins.

I could go on and on with Alicent and Rhaenyra's development being heavily influenced by the patriarchy around them, hell the whole Dance of Dragons only happens because of patriarchal tradition and power hungry motherfuckers, and it's almost as if that's the whole point of House of the Dragon and Game of Thrones in general, but anyway point:

It's mayhem, it's pure unadulterated chaos, and that's what makes this show so fucking good. Fire and Blood is a downward oiled spiral into an active volcano. It's not about who's in the right.

The characters are all cunts. Well written cunts.

The kids have never been taught the term generational trauma, therapy is not a thing in Westeros and the parents only fuel the fire. Half the characters are war criminals with the emotional intelligence of tea spoons. Shit hitting the fan when Viserys dies is much deeper than just the obvious succession problem. He was the last thing holding his family together, the last one trying to mend things, lest they tear each other apart. It's about reconciliation, about hunger for power ruining people, and monarchy sucking ass.

People are taking this Greens vs Blacks and the actions of fictional characters way too personal and insult each other over it, wanting to claim moral superiority, instead of reading into the underlying tones and themes of the story itself and how it affects its actors, but that happens with all big shows so I'm not surprised.

Everyone please chill the show is heart wrenching enough. Love your faves, hate the ones you hate, but please don't waste your and everyone else's energy on bringing this conflict into the real world.

#house of the dragon #i hate this fandom #what the fuck is up with all the incest oc fanfiction #im in rage mode sorry #i am once again asking people to learn how to read #fight me #actually no please dont fight me i have homework #hotd

[turnleftaticela]

While I’m at it I should do The Downward Spiral, since everyone always gets that wrong too

[Again, longpost beware and TW NIN stuff (including kind of detailed suicide discussion {not graphic just talking about the mindset})]

I gotta be honest: this album is about autism. Trent doesn’t know it, but it is. And I can’t explain it without explaining that aspect of it. If you disagree I guess that’s your prerogative or whatever but I’m telling you, this album could not be written by someone who’s not (undiagnosed) autistic. It just couldn’t

Mr. Self-Destruct - This one’s about that little voice in your head that accumulates over time as you grow up in this world undiagnosed autistic, the one that tells you what to do, what not to do, what you’re allowed to do, what you’re a terrible person for doing, what you deserve, what you don’t deserve, etc. If you’re autistic you’ll know what I’m talking about

Piggy - The deep, deep betrayal you feel when you really trusted someone to be there for you and help you through this confusing world, and it turns out they were just using you the whole time. Again, if you’re autistic you’ll know what I’m talking about

Heresy - I feel like almost every autistic has their “Hey, wait a second, religion doesn’t actually make any sense and yet somehow people are constantly using it to justify bad things” moment at some point in their life. This is Trent’s moment

March of the Pigs - The most autistic complaint ever - society is just stupid blind people doing whatever the system tells them to do. It’s some 1984 shit, some “Of Walking Abortion” shit. Basically it’s like “Why is everybody hiding behind these pleasantries and scripts and routines and facades that actually end up hurting more than they’re helping”

Closer - Ah, autistics and sex. We never can seem to have a normal relationship with it, can we? Trent is hypersexual and hates himself and is dealing with his problems that way.

Let me just take a moment here to explain what’s going on so far - essentially, it’s the process of disillusionment with the world. When you’re autistic, especially undiagnosed, nothing in the world makes sense. As you grow up, you learn more and more that this world is not built for you - but when you don’t know why, you think it’s your fault. You think that you’re the fucked up one, that you’re broken or a bad person, and the world around you just constantly reinforces it. It’s no surprise that autistic people are many times more likely than allistic people to develop severe depression, severe anxiety, self-harm habits, eating disorders, addictions, and suicidal ideation (and also to straight-up commit suicide). I mean, dissociation is literally part of the current autism diagnostic criteria. It’s that bad lol. So when you look at NIN’s music through this lens, things start to make a lot more sense.

Ruiner - I don’t know exactly what this one is about; it sounds simultaneously like some kind of person in power and someone Trent had a personal relationship with. Either way, it’s another song of trust and betrayal, and getting fucked up by it. Nobody has trust issues like an undiagnosed autistic, let me tell you. Also, “You know I can see what you really are” - autistics tend to get pretty darn good at sniffing out bullshit. It’s what happens once you get fucked over a few dozen/hundred times; you learn to see right through it.

I feel like autistic disillusionment doesn’t get talked about enough - it’s a really common experience. It goes deeper than just trust; it’s about what the world means to you as a whole, what your purpose on this planet is, why anything even matters. Connection and trust are our bread & butter, and it’s pretty much impossible to have enough to sustain us in this world the way it is right now. We feel abandoned equally by the personal and the powerful - there’s kind of no difference to us, since we don’t give a fuck about social status - so whoever this song is about, this shit applies.

The Becoming - Autism song to end all autism songs. You know all those autistic “traits,” the dissociation, the flat affect, the numbness, the lack of emotion or empathy, the shutdowns, the blank expression, the robotic “nature”? Yeah, that’s all trauma. All of it. All caused by the aforementioned bullshit we have to face on a constant daily basis. And this song describes the process perfectly. I’m so glad it exists, because it articulates an experience that far too many people aren’t aware of. We don’t actually want to be like this, but life leaves us no choice. We’re not born like this. It’s a process. A becoming.

I Do Not Want This - Ohhh my god I love this song. It’s exactly like I just said; we don’t want to be like this. We don’t want to cause problems. We don’t want to get in the way. We don’t want to shut down and melt down and get so tangled in our own issues that it tangles everybody else in, too. But we can’t help it. It’s what happens to an autistic brain when faced with the sort of thing the world thrusts upon us every day. It’s like sneaking up behind someone, shoving them as hard as you can, and then blaming them for falling over and getting in your way. We Do Not Want This. I promise.

This song is also a great example of the constant inner war we have when we don’t know what the fuck is wrong with us, because despite how much we don’t want “this,” there also doesn’t seem to be any explanation for it other than it’s our fault, we’re lazy, we’re stupid, we’re self-centered, we’re not trying hard enough, we don’t care about others, etc. And of course that’s not true at all, but god damn, it sure does feel like it when you don’t know the truth. This song illustrates that almost paradoxical state of mind better than anything else I’ve ever seen or heard.

Big Man With A Gun - Autistics are often left feeling incredibly helpless in this world, and like we have so much potential yet can never live up to it. It’s like Trent says in the last song: “I stay inside my bed; I have lived so many lives inside my head[…] I wanna do something that matters.” So this song is where he finally snaps. It’s a fantasy, a power fantasy, essentially “Aren’t you tired of being nice? Don’t you just want to go ape shit?”: the song. And at the same time, it’s a satire of toxic masculinity, because if there’s one thing autistics can’t stand, it’s nonsensical social norms such as that.

I think this song is sort of Trent saying, “Alright, fine! You want me to play the part I’ve been so callously assigned? You want me to be what a ‘man’ is supposed to be in this world?? Fine, I’ll show you a real man!!” He’s turning the norm on its head, embodying to the nth degree what he’s never wanted to be, as a last resort at his breaking point. Fine, he says, if this is really the only way to get anywhere in this world, then he’ll do it. He’ll fucking do it, alright. Just you watch.

A Warm Place - Of course, the power fantasy is just that - a fantasy. And it quickly collapses to reveal his true nature: something soft, gentle, sensitive, delicate, beautiful… fragile, one might even say. (Ajqgqfqgqvq.)

To me, this song is what love sounds like. Pure love, through the filter of two and a half decades of trauma and desperation. It sounds like childhood - like the distant memory of a mother’s love, back when that meant something real, something safe. If you don’t understand what’s soul-crushing about this song then idrk what to tell you

Eraser - He just wants to be gone, man. It seems that all he does is corrupt and contaminate and ruin. Everything always goes to shit and it’s always all his fault. He just wants to be gone. Or, ideally, to be erased from ever having existed. Been there.

Reptile - I feel this is kind of another Big Man, in the sense that he’s like, “Oh, you think I’m such a terrible person? Ha, fine, I’ll show you what a terrible person really is.” But this one is… scarier. More measured. I don’t know exactly what he does, but something tells me it’s (in the canon of the story) not actually a fantasy the way Big Man was. As Trent puts it, “I now know the depths I reach are limitless.”

I really would like to know what the hell happens in this song. Thematically it doesn’t seem all that different from Closer, so what makes this one so much more corrupt? It’s not like the girl is a virgin or anything, clearly. So what gives? Is she a sex worker? Is that the big no-no? I really don’t know. It would be kind of a letdown if that were the case. Whatever the answer is, I’m just gonna assume it’s better left unsaid and move on

The Downward Spiral - HE DOESN’T KILL HIMSELF IN THIS SONG. God. It’s a FANTASY. I could rant about this for hours. He’s saying to himself, “You are the problem, Trent. You can’t avoid it anymore. It’s you. Alllllll you. You have always been the problem. And problems do have solutions, y’know?”

It just really pisses me off when people say this is the suicide song because that takes away from the impact of both this song and Hurt. Another thing that doesn’t get talked about often with autistics is how suicidal ideation can often be comforting to us, because at least it’s a way out, even if we know we’d never actually do it. I don’t hear a lot of songs approach it this way, as Trent put it once, “talking about killing yourself and making it kind of sexy.” This isn’t suicide. It’s a fantasy. Do you know what kind of place you have to be in where suicide is an appealing fantasy? Where you want to live so badly but it’s so impossible that the only way you can amuse yourself is by thinking about killing yourself? This track is supposed to be pleasant. It’s supposed to be FUN. And he’s screaming bloody murder in the background all the while, but that’s because he’s suffering, not because he’s dying. The suicide fantasy is the escape from the suffering. THAT is the point of this song.

And like. It’s not just that. I think people fail to see the irony and self-deprecation this song is riddled with. Like, it’s the return of the main motif. The final reprise. This is the character’s crowning moment, and it’s him finally realizing that the solution is actually so simple, that he could’ve avoided all this fucking bullshit nonsense if he’d just offed himself before he ever started. Like, “Ha! Would you look at that! I was never actually going to make it out of this successfully! I could’ve just killed myself the whole time and spared everyone the trouble! Ha! Hahaha! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha !”

“Ha !”

Like, “Ohhhhhhhhhhh, I get it!!!!! All of this was for nothing and everything I’ve ever done was pointless! I literally should’ve just killed myself the day I was born!!! Isn’t that hilarious!!!!!!!! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!”

I think that’s what people miss about this song. It’s infinitely fucking bleaker than if it were just about him killing himself. And that’s so important to the record as a whole.

(I feel the need to add a disclaimer that the character is literally wrong about everything; he’s not better off dead, he’s just autistic and doesn’t know it so he thinks it’s all his fault. This record is an excellent example of what can happen to someone when they’re undiagnosed, but also this narrator is unreliable as HELL. Literally nothing is his fault. So like, please don’t put stock into any of these viewpoints I’m explaining here. Ajagqjqgqjqqhqbqjqhqhqgg qjqhqjqhh qhqhqhqhgqqjgqhqqgqhqgqhqgqhqhqhqggqgqqg)

Hurt - This is the back-to-reality song. He’s tried everything. Love. Trust. Religion. Society. Manhood. Sex. Roboticism. Masking. Drugs. Fantasy. He’s tried everything, and it’s all for naught. Nothing has been able to solve the problem that is himself.

He acknowledges how far he’s fallen from where he used to be, from who he used to be. He destroyed himself as a person in every sense to try and find a way to get by in this world, and it was all useless. He’ll never be able to find lasting connection or meaning, because people only like him when he masks, and he can’t keep that shit up. That’s why everyone he knows goes away in the end. They all get sick of the real him eventually, the him he tried so hard to hide and suppress and destroy.

In a sense, this album is flawed from the get-go: Mr. “Self”-Destruct is not his self at all, but rather society’s voice, which he took on in his head, amplified by those closest to him who hurt or betrayed him. That’s the true tragedy of this album: the moral of the story is “At the end of the day, I’m responsible for all this, and only I can fix it,” when that’s actually the precise opposite of true.

But alas, without the knowledge he needs to believe otherwise, that’s the belief he operates on. And so, he decides he’s got to take matters into his own hands and do the “right” thing.

And do you know what he says? Do you know what his last words are, right before he does the deed?

“If I could start again, a million miles away, I would keep myself. I would find a way.”

And if you don’t think those last three stings on that last line there are the final fatal blows, I don’t have any interest in speaking to you further.

But seriously. The ending is so fucking poignant, and it actually is kind of hopeful, in a way. He can’t do this all again, because he’s destroyed himself - but if he could, he wouldn’t go to the trouble of destroying himself. He would stay true to himself. He wouldn’t try to fit in with the world, because he knows how futile that is now. He would embrace what makes him the fucked-up failure weirdo everyone seems to think he is, and if they don’t get it, fuck them. It would serve everybody better if he could keep himself. And he would do it. He would find a way.

So that part is a good message to autistics. Don’t destroy yourself; you end up destroying everything around you. You end up wearing a crown of shit upon a liar’s chair. Just be yourself. People will hate you and ostracize you but that’s literally their problem and theirs alone. And yes, it will be hard. It will be lonely. It will be tiresome. But it’s better than this. It’s better than what he became, in the end. No matter how much you lose, no matter how much it hurts, you have to keep yourself. You have to find a way.

-

So that’s that. I genuinely don’t know how else to explain this album besides the autism interpretation. Every single song Trent’s ever written screams autism (don’t even get me started on Broken) and it just makes his entire life make perfect sense. I’m sure you can read other interpretations into this album and get away with it but I feel it would miss some of the nuances, like the inner-outer war in “I Do Not Want This” or the “Hahahahahahaha ha ha ha ha ha !” tone in “The Downward Spiral,” those details that really round out the picture. Or like, the whole reason any of this shit is happening to Trent in the first place, and the genuinely inspiring message the album leaves you with despite it genuinely ending with him killing himself. Ajagqjqqhqhqhjqqjqhqjqhqbqhqhqbqbqbqhqbqhqbqgqhqvvqqvqvqcqcqcqcqccqcqdqdqdqdqdqdqdqqxdqdqdqqddqqdqddqdqsqddqdqsqdqqqdqqdqssqssqssssddqdqdqeqsqdqdddqqrrqqq

Tbh there’s still so much I could say about this album but that’s enough for now. TL;DR the world repeatedly fucks over an undiagnosed autistic kid, he grows up confused and becomes increasingly disillusioned and learns to hate himself and develops drug habits and sex problems to cope with the pressures of trying to fit into society, it doesn’t work, he loses it, he ends up destroying himself, he runs out of options, he kills himself but recognizes that despite it all he should’ve stayed true to himself instead of trying to make himself fit into a world that never wanted him anyway. The end

#Holy fuck this is long anafqjqfaqhahqhqhqhqhqbqhjqqhqbqhqhqhqbqhqjvqqbqvqnqbqnqv #nin #nine inch nails