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exsanguidus · 8 months

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Controversial opinion; I think Ascended Astarion is the true Astarion. In DnD lore, vampirism amplifies a person's traits for whoever they are at the time they become a true vampire. A Paladin wanting to save people will end up ruling a city with an iron fist to keep people safe. A mage wanting to heal those they love will hurt everyone else to heal them. Astarion was on a journey with Tav - one from being controlled, owned, and tortured to being free, curious, and even powerful. Becoming a full vampire and ascending just amplified that. It forced a self-actualization, not a descent into villainy. I think Ascended Astarion is cannon Astarion. He will always be a vampire, and vampires in DnD are always the amplification of a true self. Without ascention, he is still malleable - but I don't think its what he wants. He wants to be powerful (protected by his own power too - his power being a means to self-preservation), he wants to be loved, seen, and free. Free of hunger, free to walk in the sun, free of Cazador. All these things are true regardless of the path you choose. But, they are all only attainable through ascension. When you ascend Astarion - he gets everything he wants and becomes who he truly is.

I'm going to start this with a disclaimer:

I work in the mental health field professionally and majored in Social & Behavioral Science, which is partly why I felt drawn to Astarion as a sort of case study. Characters rooted in trauma are interesting to me and I enjoy picking them apart to judge how real it feels. I utilize my educational and professional background to essentially guide how I write Astarion on this account.

That said, despite me being a professional in the field, all of what I have to say is my personal opinion and interpretation of Astarion's character based on how I interpret the material Larian gave us and the material that can be found in DND lore. Even in real life, things have variation and not all mental health struggles (getting over trauma is part of mental health) present the exact same way. There are theories that exist to try and explain some trends in mental health studies, psychology, and sociology, but again they're called theories for a reason.

Now, my response to this question will be under the cut and will include spoilers.

I know what lore in particular you're referencing, anon, because I've been going back to it a lot ever since I opened this account.

Astarion very much has an insecure attachment style born from his abuse at Cazador's hands. Specifically, an anxious-avoidant attachment type that leans more towards avoidant when he's first met and then begins to swing more towards anxious as he begins to get closer to Tav and the other companions.

Anxious-avoidant attachment types (also known as the “fearful or disorganized type”) bring together the worst of both worlds. Anxious-avoidants are not only afraid of intimacy and commitment, but they distrust and lash out emotionally at anyone who tries to get close to them. Anxious-avoidants often spend much of their time alone and miserable, or in abusive or dysfunctional relationships. Anxious-avoidants are low in confidence and less likely to express emotions, preferring to suppress them. However, they can have intense emotional outbursts when under stress. They also don’t tend to seek help when in need due to a distrust of others. This sucks because they are also incapable of sorting through their own issues. Anxious-avoidants really get the worst of both worlds. They avoid intimacy not because they prefer to be alone like avoidants. Rather, they avoid intimacy because they are so terrified of its potential to hurt them (Mark Manson, Attachment Styles and How They Affect Your Relationships).

Typically, most studies of Attachment Theory focus on the relationship of parents-children or romantic partners, but it can also be applied to any significant relationship someone has in their lifetime. Attachment styles thus are capable of changing based on new relationship experiences.

If you end up giving him the "good" ending where he denies the Ascension, it's implied in his final dialogue that he's actively working towards having a secure attachment type due to the influences of his fellow worm-afflicted associates - particularly Tav.

I think that it's important to also note that, even if Tav doesn't romantically connect with Astarion, he shows hints of desperately wanting someone to care for him, support him, and love him. He does want to know what sex would be like as something other than a tool, and especially what it would be like to actually want to have it just for the pure sake of enjoying having it.

You have to understand that Astarion doesn't even understand the concept of casual sex or friends with benefits. All those times he had to seduce people for Cazador was not casual sex or a friends with benefits situation. All of them were transactions with a means to an end. He got nothing out of seducing those victims besides the possibility of not incurring Cazador's wrath that night - but even then, there was still a possibility because Cazador was an abuser.

Abusers are incapable of providing genuine safety, but can manipulate their victims into believing an illusion of safety. Often times, they manipulate their victims into this by using phrases like "you made me do this by being disobedient", "it wouldn't come to this if you just did what you were told", and then weaponizing basic needs such as shelter, food, and social interaction. The bare minimum becomes something the victim is expected to be grateful for and viewed as a favor, which means anything beyond the bare minimum is expected to be viewed as a theatrical showing of care and love.

In game, Tav has the chance to hear Astarion tell the story of how Cazador turned him. He basically states that he got attacked by a mob due to a ruling he handed down when he was magistrate and then Cazador saved him and offered him immortality. It can be inferred that in his pre-vampiric days, Astarion had no idea that Cazador was abusive to his spawn.

This is likely because it seems that Cazador is careful about his public image. He doesn't allow his spawn to drink from humans, very likely not just as a means to further oppress them and dampen their potential power they could get from drinking people's blood, but also as a way to ensure there's not just a bunch of people out in the city being bitten and left alive to tell the story - or left dead on the street suspiciously.

He has his spawn seduce and lure people, particularly lower class people that would be harder for general society to realize is missing or just that he knows people who could actually challenge him wouldn't care for (you learn that reading some of the books and notes in Szarr Palace). The only exception to this is the kidnapping of Gur children, but even then it seems to fit his MO as it seems Gur are considered somewhat outcasts from the rest of Baldurian society due to their cultural differences.

It should also be noted that he himself doesn't do these seductions or kidnappings. He specifically chooses spawn to be his lackeys and that's likely so, if shit hits the fan and the spawn gets caught, he has deniability since he wasn't there. It's methodical and thought out to keep as many eyes away from him so he can still obtain what he wants and keep sailing under the radar.

Cazador is this methodical and purposeful as a result of his own trauma, which we learn about from the skull of his master in the dungeon of Szaar Palace. There's one interaction in particular with the skull in which Tav can learn that, at one point, Cazador attempted to rebel and usurp his master. Cazador failed and his master punished him via impalement. Not because Cazador had the audacity to try and usurp him, but because Cazador tried and failed. Cazador's master punished Cazador via torture because his master was disgusted by the fact that his spawn was too weak to succeed in such a plot.

Which brings me to my next point... it's not uncommon for victims of abuse to later become abusers. Hence the term Cycle of Abuse exists. Many abusers who were once victims often have the mentality of either "I'm not nearly as bad as my abuser was, they should be grateful I care enough to not be so bad" or "I survived and it made me tougher, they need to suck it up and let it help them build character" or both. They often fail to view their abuse as abuse and fail to recognize how their experience as abuse victims contributes into making them toxic and abusive to others.

There's many peer-reviewed scholarly articles you can find about the cycle of abuse, but one I particularly find useful is Editorial: Dissociation, and cycles of abuse across generations by David P.H. Jones. It talks specifically about parents and children, but I believe some of the general points made can be applied to Cazador and his spawn, as he crafts a very family-like setting that can be seen in the way that his spawn refer to one another as brothers and sisters.

This would thus make him the father figure, a role exponentially made important by the fact he denies his spawn education on things that could serve to give them ideas or the ability to leave him (for example, Astarion mentions that none of the spawn were permitted to learn about the language of the various symbols around the palace) and he consistently chooses his Golden Children (Favored Spawns) as a means of providing more false security. Do what he says, when he says, exactly how he says and don't complain then you will have benefits. You will be Favored, and to have his favor is the highest honor you could achieve.

Torture is clearly presented as Cazador's primary go-to for discipline. Research has also concluded that trauma has a way of affecting the brain and memories.

Trauma can prevent information (like words, images, sounds, etc.) from different parts of the brain from combining to make a semantic memory. The temporal lobe and inferior parietal cortex collect information from different brain areas to create semantic memory (The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine).

Astarion mentions a few times in-game that he can barely remember his life before Cazador, if at all, and a huge part of that is likely because of all the trauma Cazador inflicted upon him that exacerbated the natural occurrence of memory loss from aging (if vampires experience natural memory loss from aging, that is). This is most likely true for all of Cazador's spawn.

I say all this as a set up to truly answering you, anon, specifically where you say: "from being controlled, owned, and tortured to being free, curious, and even powerful. Becoming a full vampire and ascending just amplified that. It forced a self-actualization, not a descent into villainy."

I can argue that Astarion did not feel free up until after a decision to Ascend or not was made. And I argue that stance due to some dialogue he can have with Tav here he basically states that the power Ascension could guarantee that no one, even someone after Cazador is dead, could ever come in to oppress and hurt him again. Even with Cazador dead, he has such an intense fear of being enslaved and used that he turns to catastrophic thoughts as justification to why he needs to Ascend.

Catastrophic thinking is a cognitive distortion that occurs when people have a hard time weighing the likelihood of certain outcomes and believe that terrible or catastrophic outcomes—which are highly unlikely—become, in one’s mind, salient and extremely likely. (Tom Zaubler, MD, MPH).

Aside from the Gur, whom Astarion can manage to evade and even kill perfectly fine as just a spawn, we're not presented with any hints of another big bad in the vampire world that could possibly want Astarion. As such, there's not really any tangible threat, but rather a perceived threat that he believes is destined to darken his doorstep at any time.

His catastrophic thinking is a trauma response. His belief that he needs to be the most powerful being in the room as a way to be truly free is a trauma response. Cazador broke him down emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually to make him believe that he was weak and trapped. Furthermore, that he remained trapped because he was too weak to do anything about it.

You see how this goes full circle into how Cazador's master punished Cazador for not being able to successfully usurp him? It places blame on the victim, allowing shame and helplessness to root that the abuser can manipulate. We know that Astarion definitely feels shame because he tells Tav that. For most of his dialogue until the boss fight, he's constantly bringing up that he did what Cazador wanted and acted obedient because he had no choice.

This is true, he had to act in self-preservation to survive and unfortunately that meant he had to be subservient. A few dialogue choices you can have your Tav pick can challenge Astarion and say he could have still tried, to which he'll rightfully tell Tav that Tav has no right to judge him for the choices he made to survive.

When Astarion encounters Sebastian in the dungeon, its made pretty obvious how much guilt and shame he truly feels. Furthermore, that for all Astarion's protesting and exclaiming that no one has the right to judge him, a part of him did believe that he didn't do enough to try and escape enslavement. A part of himself blamed himself and believed he allowed himself to be abused when, in reality, he was put in a horrible situation with very limited options. He did the best he could in the moment, with what information he had in those moments.

I also want to argue that who Astarion is when we meet him isn't his true self. It's who he had to become in order to survive Cazador. Astarion doesn't even know who his true self is because he didn't have the opportunity to explore his own likes and preferences. Cazador molded all of his spawn because he had a specific purpose for them.

Not only that, but since Cazador would have to more directly deal with these spawn since he used them as lackies, he also would have molded them to behave in ways to his preference so that he wouldn't find their presence unbearable and feel inclined to murder them out of annoyance. This is also where the Favored Spawn being separated and set on a pedestal comes into play. Those who could please him and play to his wants and needs had better benefits. If all of the spawn are acting in self-preservation, they would want to be favored and thus would want to adapt themselves to things Cazador liked and approved of.

This would mean learning to be cruel to those less fortunate and not doing anything as charity. This is the reason why Astarion approves of some questionable decisions Tav can make. Astarion learned his ideals and morality from Cazador because he had to so he could know how to please Cazador and stay in his master's good graces. After a while, even if you started off disagreeing, forcing yourself to act a certain way can become a habit that sticks with you. You convince yourself to enjoy it too so it's easier to swallow.

Astarion craves power because he knows that power is the quickest, easiest, and - what he believes - most effective way to prevent him from having to use that method ever again. It's logical to want power to solve that.

You said in your ask: "He wants to be powerful (protected by his own power too - his power being a means to self-preservation), he wants to be loved, seen, and free. Free of hunger, free to walk in the sun, free of Cazador. All these things are true regardless of the path you choose. But, they are all only attainable through ascension. When you ascend Astarion - he gets everything he wants and becomes who he truly is."

In the most literal of terms, yes, Ascension gives him all of those. However, since the basis of him believing he needs power to be free is rooted in fear, that's not actually really freedom. That is still his fear ruling over him.

There's a stark difference in what someone wants versus what they need. He wants power, to be seen, to be loved, and to be free. What he actually needs is security, stability, support, consistency, empathy, and autonomy. The things he wants is what he believes will solve the empty cups of what he needs, and he believes that because the only example he had on how to act to get what you want - until the events of the game - was Cazador. He literally had no other example of how to get your needs met except through selfishness, cruelty, force, manipulation, and abuse.

Again, I reiterate. The Astarion we first meet is not Astarion's true nature. Astarion's true nature was corrupted by his abuse from Cazador and the subsequent trauma that followed. If it had been his true nature, he would have happily been Cazador's subject because their true natures would have been in alignment.

It only becomes his true nature if he allows that trauma to define him and decides that he needs to embrace it rather than fight it. That is then what gets amplified because that fear that roots those wants becomes amplified.

Honestly, it's impossible to say what would be canon for Astarion because there's too many factors.

Studies have shown that having more supportive and positive influences, even if its later in life after leaving the abuser, tends to work in favor of the victim breaking the cycle of abuse. As such, I think that if you make a Tav who's core values are autonomy, consent, second chances, and redemption and somehow manage to get high enough approval that he'd even consider caring what they think; then its more likely that Astarion would reject Ascension due to observing how much softer, kinder, patient, and merciful Tav is.

But if its a Tav that has no interest in getting to know him beyond the surface or Tav doesn't exist at all, I honestly think he would end up going through with Ascension. Mostly because, to me, it seems like he didn't really bother to have more than surface level interactions with the other companions and the other companions really only ended up getting to know him better as a result to Tav managing to get past his masking. He does not lower his mask on his own accord, only after certain things are done and said by Tav.

Unfortunately, I just don't really think any of the other companions you can pick up in-game would really be able to provide support and determined consistency in the same way that players can make Tav. Hence I don't think he'd end up caring enough about any of them to ever start to think that perhaps freedom can be defined differently than the way he initially believes, and would view Ascension as the only right way to get his needs fulfilled.

#hc ; in one's blood #long post #bg3 spoilers #cw: trauma #cw: abuse #penned by grim ;#askbox ; blood oath

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sakuralovespossums · 2 months

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Yandere Dazai x Fem Reader

(Part 1)

Yandere Dazai x fem y/n story, where Dazai had kidnapped y/n and is determined to persuade her to commit double suicide with him on a specific date. So y/n has to try to avoid falling for his mind games, all the while trying to escape before the day of their planned double suicide arrives.

Warning: Romanticized talks of suicide

During your captivity, Dazai acts very patient and calm (pretty much like his everyday self) almost like he’s isn’t holding you hostage in his own apartment.

He studies your flaws, personality, fears, traumas, everything to figure out how he can best manipulate and break you.

Every day he’ll ask you if you’ve decided to commit double suicide with him in a casual tone or silly act. If you say no, he’ll shrug and ask again the next day. They still have plenty of time before the date of their double suicide, he’ll break you eventually.

There’s a high chance you will eventually break. This is Dazai we’re talking about out. He wasn’t known for being the Port Mafia’s best interrogator for nothing.

If you still haven’t broken by the due date, he’ll be surprised (and maybe a bit impressed) by your mental durability. So he’ll just use more aggressive manipulation tactics.

He’ll take away more of your freedoms (books, drawing, tv, etc) to make you feel more isolated. He’ll also focus on finding what it is that keeps your sanity intact and break it.

During the time of your captivity, he’ll be trying to get to know you more and always ask questions about what your life was like, any loved ones, interests, etc.

Not just so that he can manipulate you, but also because he genuinely wants to get to know you more and form a real bond. You’re gonna be his suicide partner, after all!

You probably won’t get to know much about him though since he’s already pretty secretive of his past life. But he’ll tell you things like his favorite foods, books, his associates at the ADA and how much he likes to bother them.

I imagine a lot of moments between you two being shared in peaceful silence. Like, you guys eating dinner in quiet, cuddling on the couch together while watching TV, reading, or napping.

Dazai loves those moments, while you’re playing along as you think of a way to escape. He knows this though but doesn’t say or do anything about it since he knows you’ll eventually give in and learn to love it as he does. If not, well………like I said earlier, he still has time to work on that.

He’s a very affectionate and cuddly person. Always has you wrapped in his arms whenever you cuddle, sleep, or when you’re doing chores.

It scares you the way he easily sneaks up on you from behind and wraps his arms around you as you cook your breakfast. He nuzzles against your neck before asking why you left the bed (putting on a fake pout). You simply play along into your strange “loving couple” facade and say that you were just craving French toast. He kisses your shoulder and asks for some himself.

“Well, I would make some for you. But someone ate all the bread!”

“But belladonna!! It was just too delicious that I couldn’t help myself!”

“……………maybe I can…….go out and buy some—”

“No”

The finality in his voice as he whispered into your ear felt like a knife slicing into your heart.

What terrified you the most about your captor wasn’t his final plan with you (as concerning as that sounds) but rather the fact that you could sense an underlying darkness to him that kept you on edge.

Beneath his smiles, goofy acts, loving acts, and comforting demeanor was a dangerous being who you had no idea if you could manage to outsmart or avoid not being killed/injured by.

“What if we made French toast our final meal together!!”

“I won’t do it, Dazai. Not matter what you say or do, I won’t let you drag me with you to death.”

“………………my love, who said I would drag you with me? When we both leave this life, I’ll make sure we do it willingly together.”

That might have been the most horrifying sentence you’ve ever heard.

#bungou stray dogs #yandere dazai #dazai x reader #dazai x y/n #yandere #dazai osamu #fem reader #dazai x fem reader #my first post

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neoarchipelago · 10 months

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Madripoor High (part 6)

A/N: this was supposed to be some miniseries but i feel like it's turning into a slow burn again... also, this is an emotional rollercosater. I gave Y/N a backstory, tragic, similar to Ghost's one.

Warnings: TRAUMA ABUSE DEATH READ UNTIL (_-_-_-_) TO AVOID IT THEN START AGAIN AT (_-_-_-_) IF YOU WANT TO AVOID IT

+ SEXUAL CONTENT

You walked through the base, the warm sun barely helping with the cold wind. Two months. You were working on this contract for two months. You were more than frustrated. You were starting to think you simply couldn't find Echo because they didn't exist at all.

The obvious side eyes and murmuring made you want to chuckle. Not only word of the punishments from the Lieutenant spread like wildfire. The fact that you showered alone under his close watch also spread. You were aware of the little whispers. 'the lieutenant's temptation' , 'the lieutenant's bitch' or 'whore'. You probably heard 'the forbidden pussy' at some point. You could end all of these fuckers careers with a simple search of their background, the worst skeletons in their closet unburied but you honestly couldn't care less. It was a funny change from the usuals 'criminal' 'terrorist'.

For some reason it almost made you giddy. Of course, Ghost was entirely unaware of all of this. The cadets were way too terrified to even mumble if he was in the surrounding 20 feet. You also tried to keep it to yourself, the next punishment being way more harmful for the boys than for you. Walking up to the barracks you felt surrounded. You stopped in the middle of the hallway. Looking at the boys surrounding you.

"Well well, little ducklings away from their mommies." You smirked.

"How about we call you mommy huh?" You heard from one.

"Oh sorry. I have daddy issues, not mommy ones." You teased again.

"You got a big mouth for a little thing." Someone rang.

"Not only this little thing could end your reputation, your careers and your families in a blink of an eye. But I'm not at all worried. I walk through this base with no fear." You stated.

"Maybe that's your problem. You're FUCKING full of yourself." A man spat.

You looked at the cadet who spoke. Of course. You were perfectly prepared for such a thing. You had an excellent memory.

"Cadet Davis. 25 years old, divorced parents both remarried, two biological brothers, one half sister and a baby half brother on the way." The boy frowned slowly paling. "You enlisted because of your bad civilian behavior, last resort to get straight in life after not only dropping out of high school for misconduct but also out of interest per your therapist's notes." You smirked, the boys eyeing each other. "Now, I know that you and your squad sneak out every Thursday you're not on duty to play cards in one of the barracks near the east wall." Now the group paled. "I know about the phones on which you watch porn while you guys jerk off all together." You said again.

"I know. Everything. Ending you is almost boring." You finally spat.

"What's going on here?" You heard.

You turned to the voice smiling at Soap and Gaz as they appeared into view. The cadets stood to attention as soon as they saw them.

"We're bonding." You teased. Soap snickered as Gaz frowned. You crossed your arms, smirking towards the cadets. "They're such adorable boys."

"Alright. Yeah. No doubt." Gaz said, not believing it for one second.

"Come on, let's go. Stop giving the kids attention. They'll become soft." Soap added.

You chuckled, shaking your head before walking to them. You threw a last glare towards the squad before climbing up with the two Sergeants. Once inside you sighed, heading for the kitchen.

"Are you alright?" You heard Gaz ask from behind.

"I'm fine." You sighed.

"If they're giving you a hard time you have to tell us." Soap said.

You were going to answer when a voice rose from the couch.

"Who's giving you a hard time?"

You froze. The sergeant's heads snapped towards the couch. You didn't need to turn. The voice. That voice that made you want to simply fall to your knees sometimes and others want to fight him.

"No one!" You said, walking to the fridge.

"Soap? Gaz?" He asked, standing from the couch. The two tried to look away, one rubbing the back of his head.

"No. One." You repeated.

Soap grinned, heading for the fridge as well. He stood next to you, eyes roaming the inside.

"I think you should tell him." He whispered, hidden by the open door of the fridge.

"It's fine. I'm not in any danger. And he's annoying…" you whispered back.

He snickered, making you bite your lip. You grabbed a small juice box, turning around to sit at the counter. Soap decided he wanted juice as well, but the last one being in your hand, he closed the fridge, running behind you to steal the precious liquid.

"Hey!" You yelped.

He laughed running out of the room.

"JOHNNY!" You yelled.

Gaz smirked.

"Just get another one…" Ghost mumbled.

"It was the last one!" You told him, clear annoyance on your face.

Gaz laughed softly, shaking his head as he walked out of the kitchen. You groaned, turning back to the lieutenant who didn't take his eyes off of you.

"What?" You let out.

He simply stared intensely at you. You started to feel that little tingle in the back of the neck, that feeling of being watched by a predator. It could work. Could. If only he knew that it wasn't fear that it elicited in you. But burning fucking need.

That, had been a brand new problem to you. Since the shower incident, you felt yourself melt a tiny bit more under his gaze. Felt yourself shiver at his raspy voice. Felt the dangerous warmth in the pit of your stomach when you heard him scold a recruit. You didn't even want to remember how you felt when you saw him spare. His strength, his body, his eyes… oh god.

You looked away, walking to the couch. You wanted to avoid his gaze, the way it made you feel, but also wanted to hide it from him. Hide the way he made you feel. It didn't matter much if he knew. Two things could happen. He would like it and you'd have a wonderful night, or perhaps various ones. Or he would feel uncomfortable about it and you'd simply take a step back. No. What mattered was a certain someone could not know.

"Muñeca.."

You looked up at the voice. Her. She couldn't know. If she did, you'd never hear the end of it. You smiled at her, Price and Alejandro right behind her. You pat the couch next to you, beckoning her to sit down. Price called the rest of the squad as you let your head fall back.

Soap walked in, sending you a teasing smile as you shook your head. You pat the couch on the other side, the boy not hesitating to run and jump next to you.

"God's sake Johnny…" you chuckled.

Price had a warm smile on his face as he witnessed the scene. The room had filled up, you started to feel the obvious important news arriving.

"Alright. Here's the brief." Price started.

You let your head fall on Soap's shoulder, his hand rising to playful pat and or gently slap your cheek. You pushed his hand away, trying to listen to the captain.

"Thanks to Tracker's latest Intel, we have eyes on a cartel. Squad 141 will be heading out tomorrow for a recon mission." You frowned but didn't say anything. "It should be a few days. Until then, Laswell will be here to help you, colonel Vargas and Rudy will also remain here with the Prisoner. "

"Cabron." She spat.

You chuckled, playfully slapping her arm. Price chuckled as well, a darker tone to it as he eyed Valeria. Price continued, falling into more detailed information about their mission. You zoned out. For as much as you tried to avoid thinking of it, you couldn't stop. The skull face kept showing up again and again in your brain. You wondered how his hands would feel on your skin. How it would feel to trace his faded tattoos. Did he have more? You were sure he did. You wanted to search for them. His blond lashes flashed in your brain. Was his hair also blond? Was his happy trail-

"Tracker?!" Valeria snapped her fingers in front of your face. You snapped out of your very spicy daydream as you frowned. You looked up at her.

"Are you ok muñeca?" She asked, a little frown on her face. Soap immediately jumped as well to look at you.

"I'm… fine!" You stammered. It obviously didn't help your case, now the room was looking at you. You felt yourself blush and heat up under the scrutinizing gazes.

"Are you sure, you look a bit red…" soap added with a worried look. You wanted to scream and hide. He wasn't helping at all.

"I'm fine!" You said again.

Ghost stepped closer, your heart jumping in your chest at the sight of the object of all your nasty thoughts eyeing you again. A hand touched your cheek, Soap testing your body warmth with the back of his hand.

"Your pupils are dilated… and your heartbeat is a bit fast." He stated..

"Oh god please shut up…" you finally whined, embarrassment washing over you. "I'm fine, really, maybe got a bit sick overnight it's nothing really…" you lied.

"Perhaps you should go over to the infirmary." Price said with a little worry in his eyes too.

"No it's ok… thank you. I'll rest a bit." You finished with a smile. God if he knew it was simply you fantasizing about his Lieutenant.

You avoided eye contact with everyone for the rest of the briefing, scurrying off discreetly to your room as soon as it was over.

—

You could finally take a deep breath once the wooden door shut itself. You barely had time to take a step forward before the door opened again. You turned, falling eye to eye with deep brown orbs. You frowned, swallowing hard before turning back towards your bed.

"Yes lieutenant ?" You asked. He stared. "You have a staring problem, Ghost." You stated.

He crossed his arms leaning back against the door. The t-shirt he was wearing showed his arms perfectly. The sleeved tattoo almost plastered for everyone to see.

"Now you're the one staring."

You snapped out of the day dream. You were in fact staring. You snickered, turning back to your bed where you let yourself fall upon. You groaned into your pillow. You felt a wave of frustration splash onto a shore of exhaustion. You felt like the heavy weight you weren't aware of, finally fell on you. You turned your head to the side, staring at the wall. Should you glance at him? Was he still staring?

The sound of the lock echoed. Heavy boots stomped on the floor, the sound growing closer before it stopped next to the bed. Your body tensed. What..

Shock filled you as you felt two arms turn you around. You laid on your back, watching the man kneel on the bed, letting himself down as well, his head on your chest. Your heart was threatening to jump out of your chest.

"What… are you?" You questioned.

His body flexed as the shock in your voice. You anticipated him trying to stand back up. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, one on his head. Not a word was said. You let yourself enjoy the moment. The heaviness of his body on you was making you sleepy. He had relaxed, his body reacting to the soft caresses on his head and back.

"Who's giving you a hard time?" You heard.

"No one…" you mumbled through sleepiness.

He groaned a bit but didn't move. His hands caressed the skin of your waist under your shirt, slow circles that gave you goosebumps. You sighed in content. You felt the heat. The breaths. It was a blink of an eye. And he was on top of you, his head in your neck, biting and sucking softly at the skin, one hand over your breast underneath your clothes, pressing his hard cock against you.

The feeling of him, so close yet so far, was unbearable. He teased you, clothes keeping any real contact from each other. You wanted to rip your own pants and panties off to finally let him thrust into you.

"Simon.." you moaned.

A low chuckle answered your whines, only making you more and more desperate.

"So needy. Have you been craving this? Thinking about how my hands would feel against your soft skin? Have you been fantasizing about my mouth biting and marking you? Shit…" he chuckled darkly again. "You've been imagining my cock stretching your pretty little pussy, haven't you?"

You wanted to say no. Throw some snarky comments but you couldn't. Like some spell had hit you, making you unable to be anything but submissive.

"Of course you have… look at you. You're thinking about it right now." You frowned at his words. "You're dreaming of it…"

Your eyes flashed open, the white ceiling staring back at you. Your heart was racing, the silence and darkness of the room enveloping you, bringing you back to reality. So now, you were having wet dreams of that asshole?! You grabbed a pillow throwing it over your face to muffle an annoyed loud groan. The fluffy thing was quickly discarded with rage. What happened? What exactly made things turn out this way? The way he had looked at you in the showers while he was manhandling some perv who had been watching you?

The fury in his eyes, the way he barked his orders at the boys, anger obviously biting through the air. The way he had effortlessly grabbed you by the waist to pull you up and make you sit on top of the little wall. He had wanted to punish you. He had been nothing but correct with you yet you felt like some Victorian man who's been shown ankles.

Perhaps a warm drink would help. Some tea. You threw the covers away, standing up to escape your room towards the kitchen. You tiptoed your way through the hallway, the silence and shadows only remembering you that the team was sleeping at this hour. You flipped the light switch, blinding light burning your eyes for a split second. You decided against it, only turning on the soft lamps over the kitchen counter.

Putting some water to boil in the kettle, you browsed through the various teas the team had. One good thing about so many British men. You picked out something that sounded pretty classic with still a tint of originality. Time ticked, waiting for the water so you could make your tea, you stretched your neck, rubbing the back. Flashbacks of the night at the hotel rushed through your mind. His hand around your throat, the fear and panic in his eyes once he realized what he was doing. The flinch when you tried to pull him to you.

Something made you wonder what happened. What was it that made him, Ghost, crumble in the past? If he had even crumbled. The kettle clicked, notifying you that it was ready. You poured the hot liquid in your mug before heading to the counter and sitting in one of the high chairs.

Sexually tortured. Lots of things came to mind. Every single one of them sent a disgusting taste to the back of your brain. Madripoor wasn't a stranger to these things. Human trafficking and other things were unfortunately part of the world you lived in. You were clearly against it, refusing contracts from cartel's and bosses. Making sure to bombard their plans and send a message to the high table. At least, in Madripoor, it wasn't allowed.

But him? Curiosity made you want to peek at his file. It would be easy but… a part of you didn't want to break his trust. Or at least the tiny piece of trust if he had any towards you. It was fascinating to you how this mountain of a man, a beast, a hunter on the field, could have been so close to being broken. Obviously it hadn't fully worked, and he had built himself a reputation that the high table itself was aware of.

All of these thoughts to avoid asking yourself the real question. Why was he constantly in your mind? What was with him… that since the first encounter, when he had chased you through the warehouse and trapped you, he simply attracted you. You were worried about what this might mean, as you watched the swirl of the liquid in your cup.

"What did that mug do to you?"

You jumped, turning to the doorway.

"God sake! Please put a bell around your neck…" you scolded.

He shook his head walking to you.

"Why are you up? Not feeling good?" He asked, nodding towards the tea.

Ah yes. You were supposed to be feeling 'sick'. You smirked, looking back at your mug.

"I'm fine. Just couldn't sleep." You stated. "There's hot water if you want some tea." You offered after a heartbeat. He couldn't sleep either. It was obvious. Was it his nightmares?

He moved towards the kettle, grabbing a mug in the process. You watched his movements, his muscles flexing with his movements as he made himself a cup of tea. You kept your eyes on him as he walked back to sit on the chair next to you.

"You have a staring problem." He teased, staring back at you.

"You're the one staring at me…" you whispered.

His eyes faltered, slight twitch of his brows. You were blatantly staring at him, a little focused look on your face as if you were trying to figure out some riddle he had dropped. He had tensed again.

"Simon.." you started in a whisper.

His head tilted, questioning the reasons of his name on your lips.

"I… what happened…?" You asked.

He blinked, once, twice, before the dreadful realization fell on him.

"None of your fucking business." He snarked.

You sighed.

"I know. I'm sorry… I didn't mean to intrude. You don't have to tell me anything." You let out, turning back to your mug.

The clock on the wall ticked, filling the silence with even more tension. You sipped on your wall beverage, closing your eyes as the liquid slid down your throat.

"Why." He asked. You turned to him, confused. "Why are you asking this? Right now." He asked again, eyes boring into your very soul. "Did… did I… was I not correct towards you?"

You felt a cold shower rush through the fibers of every muscle in your body.

"What? No! No." You shook your head. "Simon. You've been… very correct with me. You haven't overstepped, or made me uncomfortable. It's fine." You reassured him.

He took a deep breath, his broad shoulders rising before slumping back.

"Why are you so worried that you'll overstep?" You asked in a low voice.

He watched you carefully. He didn't trust you enough to say that. Not enough to tell you the truth. And you understood that.

"You haven't." You caught his attention again, giving up on finding answers. "You've been a gentleman, apart from being annoying." You chuckled with a teasing smile. "And I… promise that if I ever feel uncomfortable, I'll be honest with you and give you a heads up." You finished with a soft smile.

He nodded after a second of pondering.

"You call Soap Johnny." He let out.

You rolled your eyes with a little chuckle.

"Are you jealous?" You teased.

"No. But he doesn't let just anyone call him that." He explained.

You were surprised by the revelation. Slightly taken aback by the confession that Soap had let you be a special person to him.

"He reminds me… of my little brother." You whispered, looking at the wall.

Ghost remained quiet. He sipped on his tea, waiting for you to either keep talking and explain or simply change the subject.

"You're not going to ask…?" You questioned.

"I haven't answered any of your questions. I don't deserve asking you some." He explained in a soft tone.

"You deserve to ask them. It is, however, up to me to answer them, or not, like you did." You smiled at him.

"I'm not really into… family talk." He answered honestly as he winced.

"Don't worry." You whispered, his head turning towards you. "Me neither…" you said, trying to hide the sting of pain from being too obvious.

But he noticed. Of course he did. He nodded, his hand raising to pat your head softly before turning back to his tea. It made you huff a laugh. You sipped your tea again before turning back to him.

"How did you become Ghost?" You asked. He closed his eyes, groaning. "Too close…?" You asked. He didn't answer. "Sorry. I think I'll just shut up." You chuckled.

"How did you become Tracker?"

You froze as the cup was barely inches from your lips. It hit close too. Way too close for comfort. Did you want to tell him? The amount of people who knew the truth could be counted on the fingers of a single hand.

"Too close?" He asked.

You took a deep breath, putting down the cup on the counter, eyes staring at it, as if it'd help you through the dilemma. Telling him the truth. Do you trust him? Yes. Enough to talk about it? Perhaps it would help him unravel himself to you. He had started saying something when you cut him.

(_-_-_-_)

"My father was the type of man who loved the bottle more than his kids." You started. Simon immediately remained quiet, watching you.

Deciding on avoiding his gaze, you let yourself get lost in the brown liquid of the mug as the flashbacks and memories rushed back in. "It was always hard. The abuse. I tried my best to stand in the middle of him and my mother and siblings. I mostly managed."

You snickered to yourself bittersweetly.

"But things didn't get better. I was almost 17. I was out with some friends. He had been out for two days, we had no news. I didn't know."

"Y/N-" he started. But it was as if you couldn't hear him anymore. Words overspilling.

"He had decided that he wasn't happy. And that if he couldn't be happy, no one else could. I got home, probably… twenty minutes after he did. And, he had enough time to.."

You frowned, feelings bubbling up in your throat the more you spoke. Simon scooted closer with his high chair, legs spread as your chair rested in between. You still avoided his gaze.

"He had killed them all. My mother, my sister and her husband. Their two kids. My little brother…" Your voice lowered. Tears swelling at the corner of your eyes. "He tried to kill me on sight. While I was in shock of seeing my family murdered on the living room floor. Blood everywhere. So… long story short. The neighbors had already called the cops, they arrived as we were fighting outside in the lawn. I ended up stabbing him repeatedly." You took a long sip from the tea, trying to calm the raging burn in your throat from holding back the tears.

"On that night, at the police station, the social workers arrived and talked to the cops. I overheard them talking. How I was already old and almost an adult. That no foster homes would want a kid who killed someone. That I needed psychiatric help. And families would still refuse to take me in."

You finally turned to him, trying a small smile. You felt your heart skip a beat as he eyed you intensely. It was hard to understand what his eyes conveyed.

"So, I ran off. I used the moment where the window was unattended. They were too busy. So I hopped out and ran. Managed to get into my house in the upstairs bedroom even while the cops were there. Took some stuff, my laptop mostly. And I ran." You sighed. "This story is taking forever…" you laughed a bit, trying to lie to yourself that these emotions, this trauma wasn't affecting you anymore.

(_-_-_-_ bad childhood daddy issues, family dead)

"So, I stayed in the streets for a few months, coffee shops would give me wifi and I already had some basis on hacking. Made sure to steal money from bank accounts to buy food and stuff like that. Some cartel boss eventually heard of me and offered me a deal. I accepted, became known over the years as I got better and better. The high table of Madripoor decided to bring me on their side once my… talent was widely known." You smacked your lips together, looking away.

"There it is. The story of Tracker…" you whispered in a sarcastic, tasteless voice.

He leaned forward as you turned to him, his forehead touching yours as your eyes opened wide. A little soothing gesture.

"You did good." He whispered.

It was three simple words. No special tone, no actual praise. But it made the tears fall. You tried to catch your breath as he froze. You shook your head, cracking a smile as you closed your eyes.

"I'm ok… I'm ok." You sniffled, leaning back.

You opened your eyes, brushing away the tears with your fingers.

"It's ok." He said.

You smiled even more, nodding softly. His hand had someone ended up on the small of your back, his thumb drawing slow circles. You closed your eyes at the sensation. It was reassuring. Calming. When you opened your eyes, he tilted his head, eyeing you with curiosity.

"You ok?" He asked.

"Yeah… just… your fingers-"

He stilled. Realizing his action. His hand flew off like your skin was a scorching braze.

"Shit… sorry…" he was ready to stand when you put your hand on his chest.

"Simon. It's fine. It was a soft gesture. I saw no harm in it. Breathe…" you reassured.

His eyes stuck to yours, he tried to even his breath.

"You look… so ok. With my touch." He said.

"Hmm…" you started. "Well. Your touch is nothing inappropriate. It's soothing so I don't mind." You explained. "I mean… you've had me naked in your arms" you teased.

He straightened his neck at the thought, making the heat rush to your cheeks.

"It's fine Simon…" you repeated.

"You wouldn't be fine if you knew the whole truth… you wouldn't want me to touch you." He hissed, anger biting at himself more than you.

You sighed, scooting your chair even closer, forcing him to spread his legs even wider. His eyes were fixating on you, burning through your skin, his body as stiff as stone. You let your head slowly fall to his chest, forcing him to straighten himself and hold you so you wouldn't slip and fall off your chair. You could hear his heart stammering against his rib cage.

"Maybe. But right now. After knowing you for a few months, I trust you. And I don't mind your touch at all." You whispered.

"You're insane…" he whispered back.

"Without a single doubt…" you chuckled under your breath.

You remained like this for a little while. You could feel his heart calming down. You were falling asleep at the sound of his steady heartbeat. He realized it as your body felt slightly heavier in his arms. He shifted quickly, picking you up bridal style. Your eyes snapped open at the sudden shift. Looking at him.

"You're ok." He simply said.

You sighed, letting your head against his shoulder. He walked to your door, opening it before walking in, heading to your bed. He slowly dropped you down, letting you settle in bed comfortably. The way he watched you, standing over the bed, it made you feel… surprisingly secure. You threw him a sleepy smile as he softly brushed a hair strand away from your face. After a long minute, he walked away, closing the door softly behind him.

Your eyes were closing on their own, the image of him lulling you to sleep.

—

The next morning, you woke up to silence. You opened your eyes, fighting the need to keep them close as the light shone through the window. You sighed, getting up and throwing some sweatpants and a t-shirt on before stepping out into the hallway. The eerie feeling of the empty place felt heavy on you. You walked to the kitchen, looking around. No one. You sat at the counter, noticing a small paper.

'out on mission, be back soon, Alejandro and Rudy are still on base if you need anything! -squad 141'

You smiled. It was obviously soap's handwriting, and the thought warmed your heart. You frowned. You felt… lonely. It wasn't something unusual for you. Even in Madripoor, walking through town or resting on the large couch in your living room, you felt lonely. This kind of loneliness however. You hadn't felt it in a while. The one you felt on that night. You shook your head. It was silly. Nonsense. Something however, screamed in the back of your mind, that the relationship you were creating with this team was getting concerning. Dangerous… it wouldn't end well.

Getting attached to them, it could be a terrible mistake. And you could feel it. That it was getting way too close for comfort. Lying to yourself, however, sounded like a much better solution.

You took a deep breath, looking up at the kitchen counters. Breakfast. And then. Work.

—

It was late. Around four in the morning. You rubbed your eyes as they started to get blurry from the screen light in the dark conference room. You stretched, checking the time a last time, settling your mind on packing your things and going back to the barracks to get some sleep.

The base seemed to be asleep, the few soldiers patrolling around being the only noise you could hear. You walked through the hallways, your backpack on your back, already dreaming about the warmth of your bed. The tingling feeling at the back of your neck however, warned you that someone… was clearly watching you. It was becoming even clearer that they were following you. You sighed, taking sharper turns into darker alleys. You tiptoed your way into a warehouse, jumping on some iron ladder to make your way up to the first balcony on top. You slowly made your way to a little hideout, perfect for you to see, without being seen. You waited, watching the entrance.

Three shadows made their way in, looking around. You easily recognized three of the men from squad 8. You shook your head slowly. Idiots. Observing the three as they looked for you, you let your head fall against the wall behind you. You were tired. You didn't need this right now. A part of your brain kept watch over the boys as they walked back to the entrance, the other was drowning in sleepy thoughts. Finally alone in the warehouse, you remained sitting on the ground, against the wall. You waited to make sure they were gone. But your eyelids keep closing themselves, as you battled and battled but allowed them to remain closed a little while longer each time.

—

It was the rough sound of the warehouse door being rolled open that made you jolt awake. Your heart pounding, you took in your surroundings. A team had walked in, taking their gear as they were briefing each other on the next training. You looked around, noticing how the sun was already shining through the door.

"Shit.." you mumbled.

You rose to your feet, feeling the ache in your body from the very uncomfortable sleepy spot. You groaned, making your way to the ladder. You climbed down, jumping down the last few steps, the sound of your shoes echoing. The attention of the team was brought upon you as you simply nodded their way with a 'good morning'. You walked out into the sun. The warmth of it did nothing to help the exhaustion from your body.

Unfortunately, the same thing occured again and again. You found yourself having to avoid certain spots, certain people. At some point after a few nights, you realized that they weren't afraid to enter the barracks, making your own room unsafe. You had to find a way to sleep somewhere, in different spots every night. You decided to keep it to yourself, not wanting to bother Alejandro and Rudy who probably had a lot to deal with already. Frustration was starting to grow to an impossible level. The bad sleep, it kept you on edge.

It had been almost two weeks when you decided that enough was enough. You decided that if they wanted to act like idiots, and come after you, then you'd treat them like that. You spent a full day preparing a little forgotten room, adding the perfect illegal things in it. It was used as some 'throw everything in' room. It was therefore quite easy to drop some things. Drugs, confidential files you had… found… laying around.

That night, you made sure to stay extra late, working on your laptop before making your way to the room, the boys obviously following you. You grinned, stepping into the room before quickly running to your hiding spot. As the three boys walked in behind you, you immediately texted Laswell.

You waited. Patiently, watching the three search around the various crates, boxes and old furniture, coating their hands in the various substances you had flung around the room. When Laswell arrived she was closely followed by Alejandro and a few men. You didn't exactly pay attention to what was going on as they interrogated the recruits, or when they were dragged out. You sighed, swiftly getting out of your hiding place to walk out the door. You made sure to be far enough from the big group, walking away.

It was a good start. It wouldn't make them stop. But it'd help. You let yourself lean back against a humvee, crossing your arms. You waited, until you saw his frame.

"Colonel…" you greeted.

"Tracker." He greeted back.

He looked at you, frowning. Even under the dim light of the courtyard, it was clear to see how tired you were. You had been in a worse state. But this wasn't that kind of mission.

"Everything alright princesa?"

You smiled at the nickname.

"I'm… tired." You answered honestly.

He frowned, taking a few seconds to think before he looked at you.

"This… was you?" He asked. You nodded. "Why?". You didn't have time to answer. "They bothered you? Pendejos."

You smirked to yourself. It was incredibly obvious how similar Valeria was to him.

"I'm fine. It was just slightly annoying. They've been distracting me from my work…" you said.

"Come on. You'll sleep with us tonight."

He nodded towards a building before starting to walk, leaving no room for discussion.

—

You were glad to be able to sleep near the vaqueros. Valeria was in a cell nearby. You had spent a very calm night, waking up quite late. Rudy had very kindly offered you his room. Unfortunately, you couldn't just spend the entire time in Rudy's room. You talked to them, including Laswell, offering for them to move into the squad's barracks. They were skeptical, especially towards letting Valeria into anything else than a cell. You assured them that Valeria wouldn't be a problem, warning her that if she didn't behave, you'd hunt her down yourself.

She had pouted, angrily cursing at the vaqueros. Eventually, they had moved into the barracks, and you were glad to be back to your little room. You could finally rest a bit, without constantly having to watch your six. On the other side you felt like you missed the team. You missed hearing Soap and Gaz laughing together, Price talking and the smell of his cigars. But you also missed him. All of that combined with the fact that you seemed stuck in your current search was starting to feel like too much.

You sat on the ground, the laptop on the coffee table looking at you mockingly.

"What's wrong muñeca?" Valeria asked.

"I'm… frustrated. I can't find anything about 'snake'. Obviously that guy is keeping Echo's identity secret like some kind of fucking bodyguard. I can't find anything that could identify it. Nowhere, in all of the underground, can I find a single clue on 'snake'..." You vented.

You groaned, letting your head fall into your hands. Rudy sat nearby, the poor boy on babysitting duty as Alejandro was with Laswell for the day. You heard some commotion, looking up.

"VALERIA!" You yelled.

The woman had knocked out the poor man, hovering over his unconscious body.

"Calm down… he's sleeping."

"Why did you do that?!" You scolded.

"I wanted to offer you tequila. He wouldn't have agreed." She shrugged, walking to one of the cupboards.

"You didn't even try asking him!" You angrily said.

She shrugged again, grabbing a bottle of tequila from the cupboard before walking to you. She closed the laptop, putting it aside as she opened the bottle.

"You need to breathe a bit" she teased with a wink.

You shook your head, bewildered. It was an obvious Valeria move. You watched as she stood again grabbing a chair before lifting Rudy to sit on it. She then handcuffed him, making sure that he wouldn't escape.

"Valeria…" you scolded.

"He's fine! Come on." She sat back next to you after grabbing two cups.

You watched as she poured the liquid into them. Maybe… you did need to relax a bit.

But as per habit. Every Valeria move would end up in some kind of chaos.

-----

tags:

@thychuvaluswife @emily-roberts @warrior-of-justice @gh0stedddd @ladyelissarose

@kiruoris @kaeyamain-zonglilover @salsa-reads-stuff @coacaiyne @hufflepuff-hugz

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popcaki · 1 year

Note

what do you think of the people that make up headcanons about ghost not being able to love and calling him "a broken man"? as a person with trauma this absolutely shatters me bc even if i repress my feelings,by the end of the day im still craving that type of human connection.they literally call him a psychopath/sociopath and going as far as to call him heartless...

Trigger warning: Discussion of trauma,

just a disclaimer to people seeing this, people can write whatever they want and we all have unique views on a character and so on,

but in my personal opinion, yeah I don’t understand why people make him into a psychopath and straight-up abusive. It’s true some people can become like this but it really puts trauma victims in a bad light. Not to mention people who have trouble expressing their emotions making people think you’re emotionless when in fact you are feeling a looot of different kinds of emotions. Lots of autistic people for example. I do think he has a bit of a twisted mind, he is a morally grey character and can be a bad person, but it is clear as day that he does care about his teammates and that Infinity Ward is showing more of his good sides,

examples of Ghost not being a emotionless/abusive/psychopath:

the ”No one fights alone” I mean do I need to say more?

him sounding actually sorta terrified when Graves betrays them and he calls out to Soap,

does this look like a face of a emotionless guy?

in the original MW2 he literally screams ”NO” and is about to shoot shepard when they get betrayed. He sounds absolutely devastated when his team mate dies

Ghost going ”Why?” in a panicked way when Graves stated he cannot disarm the missile, there is clear stress and concern.

If I remember correctly Ghost has canonly anger issues, anger is an emotion lmao.

He literally makes dad jokes with soap and clearly thinks they are funny, the guy has a dry sense of humor.

He’s making sure to keep Soap talking and alive as best as he can in the Alone mission. Even if it’s all practical and needing a team mate alive for that reason I don’t think Ghost would want Soap dying in general.

If I remember correctly he literally holds his mothers skull smiling, seeking comfort, in a very disturbing and stressful moment for him

Him literally going ''that's for my mates!'' in multiplayer when you get the enemy team back

Distracting the creep of a terrorist from interacting with the child

He thinks war crimes is ''Tyranny, it won't stand.''

He clearly bottles things up and has multiple times shown he indeed has emotions. I think Ghost would want a normal life and connections, I truly believe that. He is just most likely terrified (another emotion) of forming them due to fear of betrayal or loved ones dying.

He is broken but not in the way of being an emotionless abusive psychopath, he really does need support and help, therapy, support from friends etc. It’s not something someone/another character can fix. He’s the one who needs to be comfortable enough to want to seek help in the first place.

I don’t think he’d take things out on people close to him or innocents either.

But yeah it puts trauma victims and people who express themsleves in a way that isnt the norm in a weird light, imo. I still find it weird with all the trauma erasing/ignoring for him too, you can still write about it and have em work things through and get the help the character needs. A character can still love and want human connection despite trauma.

I’m wondering if what’s going on is that people only see Ghost and not Simon Riley? he’s wearing a mask which hides most of his facial expressions, but if you look at his eyes he displays lots of emotions. As if the masking he’s put on figuratively and literally to try to push people away and think of him as something else is working on people in real life?

anyway I hope this answers your question!

edit: I just now properly read the comics (I skimmed through before because it was a bit tough to read), and this post including my post about his SA trauma still stands... He only hurts people who seem to deserve it, and he's feeling a bunch of emotions. I highly recommend reading the Ghost comics about his backstory, it's very triggering tho so be warned, contains all sorts of messed up shit. But this makes me even realise more how many fics and headcanons contain things that would trigger Simon massively and how many portray him as an abusive person, it's a bit unsettling to see. if you don't wanna go through with reading the comics I can list things that happened that will definitely be a trigger for him,

His dad was abusive, absolutely horrible. I don't think calling Simon ''Daddy'' would be something he enjoys.

Christmas times, his family got slaughtered on Christmas, I don't think you'll really move on from that.

He got SA both by women and men, and he feels terrible about it.

He was held captive for months, tortured (this includes SA and physical violence) and they tried to brainwash him, to change him.

Concerts.

He's not a terrible person, he's morally grey. He's gone through a lot of bad shit. He himself is the one who's going to need to want help or seek out things like human connection, Him trusting Soap, and the rest of the team is a step in that direction. I think he can and will open up more and hopefully get the help he needs, but it would take a long time of working on himself. No one can ''fix'' him but himself.

He isn't an emotionless abusive person, I don't understand where people get that from lmao. I mean look at him,

#Simon Ghost Riley #Call of Duty #Simon Riley #Modern Warfare 2 #MW2 #simon ghost riley x reader #Call of Duty Ghost #Simon Riley headcanons #John Soap Mactavish

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bi-bard · 1 year

Text

Clever Boy - Eleventh Doctor Imagine [Doctor Who]

Title: Clever Boy

Pairing: Eleventh Doctor X Reader

Word Count: 6,449 words

Warning(s): major character death, canon-typical violence, mention of past trauma

Summary: [Season 7, Episode 1] The Doctor and (Y/n) are reunited with Amy and Rory when all of them find themselves in the custody of the Daleks with an impossible task before them.

Author's Note: Wouldn't be one of my OCs if I didn't randomly jump around the timeline a lot. If there's a season that you want to see next, let me know and I'll see what I can do!

MORE OF THIS OC HERE!

-----------------------

I warned the Doctor about going to meet the women who wanted to save her daughter.

After all that we went through, it just seemed a little too perfect. Someone being able to send him a message and begging for help just after we avoid true death? I had trouble trusting it.

But he wanted to talk to her. He thought that he needed to.

I went with him for the sake of safety.

We met her on Skaro. The original planet of the Daleks.

She told us the story of Hannah. Her daughter who had been taken away to a Dalek prison camp. People had told her that we could help.

The Doctor noticed the same things that I did. The meeting place, how much she seemed to know about us, and the fact that she had left her daughter behind in the first place.

Mothers don't do that if they want to save or protect their child. They would rather burn the planet around them to the ground than be separated from them. At least, that's what I had learned from Amy.

Once the Doctor started asking too many questions, the woman was forced to reveal herself.

She hadn't escaped anything. She had merely been transformed.

Once the Doctor had been incapacitated, I went to take off running. Another person was already there and before I could truly make any progress, I was lying on the ground next to the Doctor.

When I came to, we were both in a cell.

"Good, you're awake!"

The Doctor pulled me off the floor. I blinked a few times, trying to get rid of whatever tiredness was still clouding my thoughts.

"How are you feeling," he asked.

"Angry and tired," I muttered.

"That's the spirit," he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead.

The doors slid open as he pulled away. Two Daleks rolled in.

"You will come with us," one of them instructed.

"Where are we going," I asked, not moving from my spot.

"The Doctor and (Y/n) will be reunited with their companions."

I felt a strong hit of fear strike my chest. They had gotten Rory and Amy too. This was the worst-case scenario.

"Move," the Dalek instructed again.

We were led down the hall. One Dalek was leaning in front of us, the other was behind us.

We made it to another cell. Amy and Rory were waiting for us just inside.

As soon as we were all inside, a hatch in the ceiling came undone and the platform we were standing on began to raise itself up.

A room. A circular room full of enough Daleks to fill up a few dozen lecture halls. Far more than they would need to take over a multitude of planets.

"Please, tell me this isn't what I think it is," I spoke to the Doctor quietly.

"What is it," Amy asked. "Spaceship, right?"

"Not just a spaceship," he explained. "The Parliament of the Daleks."

I closed my eyes for a moment. Some part of me wanted to believe that this was all some twisted dream. Another part of me knew very well that it wasn't, but facing the reality around us was too terrifying to contemplate.

We had just escaped death to be handed a death sentence.

I only opened my eyes because I heard the Doctor start telling them to take their shot. I was ready to slap him.

"Save us," the emperor spoke up.

"Excuse me?" I admittedly didn't think much before I snapped back at the creature.

"You will save the Daleks."

I scoffed. Another decision that I didn't think through properly.

The room began chanting at all of us. Just repeating the same three words over and over. Save the Daleks.

As the voices died down, The Doctor started pacing.

After a little while, I heard Amy and Rory mumbling to each other. I tried to pay it no mind, but it was difficult when the tension between them was more suffocating than the fear of being surrounded by Daleks.

I didn't mind the muttering until it turned to me.

"And (Y/n) is constantly glancing at us because they want to help us from whatever is wrong with us," Amy whispered. "'Oh no, Amy and Rory are clearly not alright, how are we going to fix that?'"

"Get better at hiding the tension if you don't want me worrying about you," I said bluntly.

She looked down for a moment.

"We have arrived," one of the Daleks announced.

"Arrived where," the Doctor asked.

"Doctor," the emperor said.

"The Prime Minister will speak with you now," the woman from our original meeting spoke up, motioning over to him.

The Doctor didn't move for a minute. When he did, he didn't turn to face their emperor- sorry- their Prime Minister. He moved over to me.

The Doctor stepped closer to me, taking my hand in his as he mumbled into my ear, "We don't have to do this, We could run-"

"Yes, we do," I cut the Doctor off as I looked at him. "They won't let us walk out of here if we don't."

I saw the sad look cross his eyes.

"I don't care if I die," I whispered. "But I will not be the reason that you or Amy or Rory die. I just won't."

He took a deep breath before kissing the side of my head and stepping back. He turned back to the Prime Minister.

He stopped by the woman. "Do you remember who you were before they emptied you out and turned you into their puppet?"

"My memories are only activated if they are required to facilitate deep cover or disguise."

"Look at that," I replied sarcastically. "We were important enough to switch the memories back on."

The Doctor continued approaching the Prime Minister. I took a few steps closer behind him. Quiet support more than anything else.

"What do you know of the Dalek asylum," the creature asked.

"According to legend, you have a dumping ground," he replied. "A planet where you lock up all the Daleks that go wrong. The battle-scarred, the insane, the ones even you can't control. Which never made any sense to me."

"Why not?"

"Because you'd just kill them."

"It is offensive to us to extinguish such divine hatred."

That statement made me sick to my stomach. I interrupted the Doctor, "Offensive?"

"Does it surprise you to know that Daleks have a concept of beauty?"

"No," I shook my head. "I am just surprised that after so long you can still find ways to be so disgusting. Hatred so beautiful that you have to keep hurt, scared creatures in a cage like a personal zoo? Such a fixation on the emotion that it makes you go against your entire purpose. Kill what's different."

The Doctor started walking down the ramp towards me.

"Perhaps that is why we could never kill either of you," the Prime Minister stated.

I was ready to stand and argue, but I didn't get the chance before a hole in the middle of the floor opened. We both walked over to it, looking down at the planet just underneath it.

"The asylum occupies the entire planet," the woman- Darla- explained. "Right to the core."

"How many Daleks are in there," the Doctor asked.

"A count has not been made," she answered. "Millions, certainly."

I was next to speak up, "All still alive?"

"It has to be assumed. The asylum is fully automated. Supervision is not required."

"Armed?" Amy looked over.

"A Dalek is always armed."

"What color?"

We all looked at Rory as the question came out of his mouth.

"Sorry, there weren't any good questions left."

"There's a signal being received from the very heart of the asylum," Darla explained. Just as she did, music began playing over the speaker.

"What is the noise," a Dalek yelled. "Explain! Explain!"

"It's me," the Doctor replied.

"Oh God," I muttered, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Sorry, what?" Rory turned to us.

"I'm playing the triangle," the Doctor grinned, mimicking his motion.

"And hasn't one let me forget that fun fact," I added.

"Carmen," the Doctor pulled the sonic screwdriver out of his jacket and scanned the console that the Dalek had been using. "Lovely show."

I follow him back up the ramp. "Please tell me you're-"

"Tracking back the signal so we can talk to them," he finished my sentence for me.

"Dibs!" I shoved him out of the way. "Hello? Hello... Carmen?"

"Creative."

"Shut up," I muttered. "Hello! Come in, come in. Someone there?"

"Do you read me?" a voice rang out.

"Loud and clear," I replied, smiling properly for the first time since the trip had started. "Identify yourself and report your status."

"Hello," the voice said.

"Hello," I repeated.

"Are you real? Properly real?"

"Actually, properly real. Living, breathing, and bleeding if I am not careful."

"Oswin Oswald," she introduced. "Junior Entertainment Manager, Starship Alaska. Current status: crashed and shipwrecked somewhere... not nice. Been here a year, rest of the crew missing, provision's good but keen to move on."

"A year," I asked. "Are you okay? Under attack?"

"Some local life forms. Been keeping them out."

I looked at the Doctor, scared and confused by the story. "Know what they are?"

"I know a Dalek when I hear one, yeah," she replied.

"What have you been doing all alone, for a year? Against the Daleks?"

"Making soufflés."

I let out an amused huff. "soufflés."

"Where do you get the milk?" the Doctor butted in. I furrowed my eyebrows. It was a good question.

"This conversation is irrelevant." The Dalek did not agree with me. It shut off the signal.

"No, it isn't," the Doctor snapped back.

"Someone crashed into your asylum, meaning there's a big hole in whatever security you had," I joined in. "One thing gets in, millions can get out."

"Even you don't want that," the Doctor added.

"The asylum must be cleansed," the Dalek spoke.

"Then, why is it still here," the Doctor asked. "You have enough firepower to blast it out of the sky."

"They can't," I concluded. "The security that they put on the planet won't allow it. That's why we're here."

"The asylum's forcefield is impenetrable," Darla stepped forward. "And can only be turned off from the inside."

The Doctor went walking down the ramp again. "A small task force could sneak in. Send a couple of Daleks."

He paused halfway down the ramp, noting the silence in the room.

"Oh," he mumbled. "That's good. They're too scared to go down there. What do the Daleks do when they're too scared."

To put it very simply, they were going to launch all of us into a planet. They gave us these bracelets that fended off the nanocloud, which would turn everything that wasn't Dalek into... Dalek. Once we made it down, it was our job to figure out how to shut off the forcefield so they could destroy it.

We were led back to the opening in the floor, where a gravity beam was waiting for us. I reached over and grabbed the Doctor's hand. He rubbed a circle into the skin of my hand with his thumb.

"Ready," I asked.

"Are we ever," he grumbled back to me.

I was hoping to get a chance to jump into the gravity beam on my own. We didn't. Instead, we were all pushed into it.

My next memory was lying in the snow. I groaned as I pushed myself up. I looked around at my surroundings. There was nothing there that I could make any sense of.

I jumped when music started playing next to me. I looked down at an eyestalk looking at me. I moved to lay on my stomach in front of it.

"Oswin?" I called.

"Sorry!" she replied. "I pressed the wrong switch. You okay?"

"I just got launched at a planet, but I could be worse," I shrugged. "How are you doing that? This is Dalek technology."

"It's very easy to hack."

"Respectfully, no, it really isn't. Where are you?"

"Somewhere underground... I think. Ship broke up when it hit. You coming to get me?"

"(Y/n)!"

I jumped at the sound of the Doctor's voice. The camera disappeared as soon as he spoke.

"Dammit," I mumbled, pushing myself to stand up.

"Who are you talking to?"

"Oswin," I replied.

"Soufflé girl?"

"She has a name."

"Doctor!" Amy came running at us from the other side of a hill.

The Doctor helped steady her.

"Where's Rory," he asked.

"There was another beam," the man pointed vaguely behind us all. He continued following us.

We found a hole in the ground. It was deep enough that we couldn't see the bottom.

The man from earlier led us to a hatch that he had been trying to get into. He explained that his team had come down two days ago and that there were twelve other escape pods.

"Alaska," Amy read out, looking down at the name printed on the ship. "That's the same as Soufflé Girl."

"Two days," I asked, looking at the man. He nodded before opening the hatch. "It can't be the same as her. She's been here a year."

We all followed him down.

"There should be some climbing rope long enough for that hole," he explained.

I stepped around one of the seats when I spotted a hood. I leaned down only to be met with a skeleton sitting in the seat. Can't be merely two days old. It couldn't have been.

"Won't you introduce us to your crew," the Doctor asked. I grabbed his arm and stepped as close as possible. "What?"

"They're dead," I mumbled. "That... That one is a skeleton. They can't be two days old."

"Guys, this is the Doctor, Amy, and (Y/n)," the man introduced us. Nothing. I stepped a little further back from the seats. "Guys?"

The Doctor stepped forward, tapping the one I had seen on the shoulder. Its head rolled back, revealing the skeleton. The Doctor checked all of them. With the sonic screwdriver for some reason... they were skeletons, he didn't need to use the screwdriver. They were all dead.

"That's not possible," the man argued. "I just spoke to them. Two hours ago. We were doing engine repairs."

"I'm sorry, but there was no way that's possible. They've been dead a long time."

"Of course," he muttered. "Stupid me. I died outside. The cold preserved my body."

I stepped closer to the ladder, hoping to be ready to run from the man.

Then, an eyestalk started to protrude out of his forehead. "I forgot about dying."

The Doctor grabbed the fire extinguisher off the wall and sprayed it at the man. Amy hit the button next to the door, only shutting it once the man was secured on the other side.

"How'd he get all... Daleked," Amy asked.

"He didn't have a bracelet," I explained. "Nanocloud."

"Microorganisms that automatically process any organic matter, dead or alive, into a Dalek puppet."

"Anything that attacks the asylum immediately becomes on-site security. We've seen the interesting abilities of nano-tech."

"Living or dead?" Amy said. I paused, eyes going wide as I looked around the room.

"The wristbands protect us," the Doctor continued rambling. "The only thing keeping us from going completely-"

"Doctor, shut up," she cut him off. "Living or dead?"

"Yes, exactly, living or..."

The bones of the skeletons started cracking as the creatures stood up. The Doctor took off over the tops of the chairs once he noticed. I mostly followed his lead.

We only had true trouble once one of the creatures had caught Amy's wrist. The door slamming shut was enough to get the thing to let go.

The two of them leaned against the door while I stood across from them.

"Unauthorized personnel may not enter the cockpit," a familiar voice rang out over the intercom in the room.

"Oswin!" I jumped a bit. "I lost you back there, you alright?"

"I'm fine, just lost the signal."

The Doctor moved around me, taking a seat at the console, where a camera was pointed at us.

"Oi, Mr. Grumpy, don't get too close," she said. "Ooo, bad combo. No sense of humor and that chin."

I bit the inside to keep from laughing, even though I heard Amy chuckle behind me.

"What is wrong with my chin," the Doctor asked. He looked over at me.

"Nothing," I promised.

"Careful, don't poke their eye out."

I couldn't stop the laugh that came out of my mouth.

"(Y/n)," he whined.

"Sorry, sorry," I held my hands up. "I think your chin is... very handsome."

"I'm scanning you," Oswin informed us. "You're in another of the escape pods from the Alaska. It seems your power's on."

"How are you hacking into everything," I asked. "That should be impossible."

"Long story," she said simply. "There a word for total screaming genius that sounds modest and a tiny bit sexy?"

I chuckled. "Not that I know off the top of my head, sorry."

"What's your name again?"

"(Y/n)."

"That'll work."

I let out a stunned scoff. "Oswin!"

"What?!"

"I am in a very committed relationship," I explained.

"With the chiny one?"

I had to hold back the laugh that wanted to escape.

"Is it him?"

"Yeah, it's him," I replied.

"Aw, cute," she gushed. "I was hoping it was the redhead."

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. I saw the Doctor's frown and leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek. He let a small grin cross his lips.

There was a beep on her hand. "Check the floor. I'm picking up a breach at floor level. There could be a way out. See you later!"

There had been a hatch on the floor. There was a rope going down into wherever it led. Someone else's escape route.

"This must go straight down to the asylum," the Doctor muttered as he unlocked the hatch.

"Where Rory is," Amy replied.

"Speaking of Rory," I started. "Anything you wanna talk about?"

"Are we going to do this now," she asked.

"What happened?" I countered.

"Just stuff, you know. We split up. What can you do?"

"What can I do," the Doctor mumbled, looking at her.

"Nothing," she explained. "it's not one of those things that you can fix like your bow tie."

The Doctor looked down again.

"Oh, don't give me those big, wet eyes, raggedy man. It's life. Just life. That thing that goes on when you two aren't around. We don't all get to end up traveling all of time and space with our true loves."

I felt a sting of guilt in my chest. I had always known that the Doctor and I were the exception. But Rory and Amy were each other's person. They were stuck together by the universe. They couldn't get away from each other if they tried.

I had grown to see them as an example of sorts.

I looked back at Amy. Maybe she saw us the same way.

There was a rope ladder going all the way to the bottom.

"Someone else got out this way," Amy noted.

"Let's go and find them," the Doctor muttered. He ran to the camera by the door.

They were holding up one of the bracelets. Amy's bracelet.

"Amy," the Doctor whispered.

"What's going to happen to me," she asked. "Seriously? Tell me. What?"

The Doctor didn't reply. Instead, he ran off to the ladder, leading the way down. I let Amy go before me. I followed right behind them, pulling it shut behind me.

"So, what's going to happen to me," she pushed again. "And don't lie. Because I know when you're lying to me and I will definitely fall on you."

"The air all around is full of micro-machines," the Doctor explained. I was stunned that he answered at all. "Robots the size of molecules. Nanogenes. Now that you're unprotected, you're being rebuilt."

By that point, we had made it to the bottom. Granted, by that point, we had already had this conversation at least four times.

"So what happens? I get one of those things sticking out of my head?" she continued.

"Physical changes come later," the Doctor grabbed her hand, pulling her along with us.

"What comes first? How does it start?"

"Your mind. Your feelings, your memories. And I'm sorry but it's already started."

"How do you know?"

"This is the fourth time we've had this conversation."

"I'm scared now."

"Hang onto that," I told her. "Scared isn't Dalek. Hold onto anything that isn't Dalek."

The door opened in front of us.

There was a smell coming from the room.

"What's that," Amy asked.

The Doctor closed the door again. "Stay right there. Don't open this door."

"Oswin," I yelled. "Can you hear me?"

"Hello (Y/n) and the Chin, I have visual on you," she replied. "(Y/n) and the Chin. You two could start a band."

"Why exactly don't we have a visual on you," the Doctor spoke up. "Why can't I ever see you?"

"Limited power, bad hair, take your pick," she explained. "There's a door to your left. Open it."

I looked to my left and went to the door. "Alright."

The door slid open to reveal a small screen.

"I'm going to send you a map to that screen," she explained.

I nodded and stepped inside. "Ready when you are, Oswin."

"Oh, your friend is safe. I can get you to him."

"You found Rory," I asked.

"Yup," she confirmed. "Well, I call him Nina. Personal thing."

I furrowed my eyebrows for a moment before focusing on the screen again.

I watched as she typed away. I followed the map that she was using to guide us. I heard the door open.

"How many Daleks are right ahead of us," I asked.

"Ten, twenty," she estimated. "Some are catatonic, but they do have firepower."

"Doctor," I tried to whisper-shout at him. "Where's Amy?"

He turned around and ran into the room that we had been avoiding earlier. She was standing in the middle.

"How do we get past them," I turned back to Oswin.

The Doctor and Amy shoved their way into the closet with me.

"Okay then," I gasped as I was shoved into the wall.

The sounds just outside the door powered down. The two of them stepped out first and I awkwardly followed.

"It's damaged," the Doctor said.

"Okay, but what do we do," Amy asked.

"Identify me," he turned to the Dalek. "Access your files. Come on."

"You are the Predator," the Dalek spoke.

"Access your standing orders concerning the Predator."

"The Predator must be destroyed!"

"And how are you going to do that? the Doctor stepped forward. "A Dalek without a gun? You're a tricycle with a roof. How are you going to destroy me?"

"Self-destruct initiated," the Dalek shouted.

"What's it doing," Amy asked.

"Destroying the Predator," I explained.

The Doctor lifted the Dalek's hood.

"Self-destruct cannot be countermanded," the Dalek said.

"I wasn't looking for countermand," the Doctor replied. "I'm looking for reverse."

The Dalek proceeded to roll backwards into the large room. It exploded, taking out the other Daleks with it.

We had all been thrown backward.

I shoved myself off the floor. The Doctor picked up a now unconscious Amy and followed me. Rory was standing on the other side of the room.

"Where have you been," I asked.

"Oswin put me in a- a room," Rory pointed behind him. "Is Amy alright?"

"Just unconscious," I explained. "Where's the room?"

He led us into some other room off to the side. The Doctor placed Amy down and we all waited for her to wake up. While we did, the Doctor explained the situation of the stolen bracelet.

"Will the sleeping help her," Rory asked. "Slow down the process?"

"You'd better hope so," Oswin's voice filled the room. "Because pretty soon, she's going to try and kill you."

Amy woke up a moment later, groaning as she did, "Ow."

"Hey," the Doctor said. "Still with us?"

"Amy, it's me," Rory grinned at her. "Do you remember me?"

She reached up and slapped him as soon as the words left his mouth.

"I'd take that as a yes," I advised.

"Same old Amy," the Docter mumbled.

"Do you know how you make someone into a Dalek," Oswin asked. She was quieter now. Like she was scared. "Subtract love, add anger. Doesn't she seem a bit too angry to you?"

"Well, somebody's never been to Scotland," Amy replied, pushing herself up.

"Oswin," I said. "How are you... okay? Why hasn't the nanocloud converted you?"

"I mentioned the genius thing, yeah?" she explained. "Shielded in here."

"Clever of you," I muttered, trying to ignore the nervousness in my stomach. Hope. If I needed one thing right now, it was hope. "Now, the Daleks said that this place was fully automated. But it's a wreck."

"I've had nearly a year to mess with them and not a lot else to do."

"A junior entertainment manager hiding out in a wrecked ship, hacking the security systems of one of the most advanced warrior race the universe has ever seen," the Doctor spoke up as he was scurrying around the room. "But you know what gets me about you, Oswin? The soufflés."

"The soufflés," Amy asked.

"Where do you get milk for the soufflés?"

He turned to the rest of us.

"Seriously, is no one else wondering about that?"

I didn't want to admit that I had found it easier to ignore it. I merely looked down. Rory shut it down more bluntly than I had.

"So, Doctor," Oswin piped up. "I've been looking you up. And you, (Y/n). You're all over the database. Why do the Daleks call you the Predator? Why are you lot such a threat?"

"Not a predator, just a man with a plan," the Doctor replied.

"You've got a plan?"

"In no particular order," the Doctor explained, "we need to neutralize all the Daleks in the asylum, rescue Oswin from the wreckage, escape from the planet, and save Amy and Rory's marriage."

"Alright, I'm counting three lost causes, anyone else," Amy asked.

"Oswin, there's a Dalek ship in orbit," the Doctor said.

"Yeah, got it on the sensors," she replied.

"The asylum has a forcefield. The Daleks are waiting for me to shut it off. As soon as I do, they'll burn this whole world and us with it. So, my question for you is this, how fast can you drop the forcefield?"

"Pretty fast."

"Good. This is a teleport, am I correct?"

"Yeah. Internal use only."

"I can boost the power once the force field is down. And we can use it to beam us right off this planet," the Doctor explained, messing with the teleport.

"But you said that when the forcefield is down, the Daleks will blow us up," Rory pointed out.

"That's why we have to be quick," I spoke up.

"Fine, we'll be quick, but where do we beam to," Amy asked.

"The only place within range. The Dalek ship," the Doctor answered.

"They'd exterminate us on the spot," Amy said.

"We'd survive four seconds longer," Rory agreed.

"What's wrong with four seconds," the Doctor smirked. "You can do loads in four seconds."

"Oswin, how fast can you drop the forcefield?" I called.

"I can do it from here," she explained. "As soon as you come and get me."

"Why don't you drop the forcefield and come to us," I asked.

"There's enough power in that teleport for one go," she replied. "Why would you wait for me?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"No idea, never met you," she said. "I'm sending you a map so you can come and get me."

"(Y/n)," the Doctor grabbed my arm as I went to run over. I yanked my arm away.

"I'm going to do this," I told him bluntly. "Stay here. Keep them safe. If we don't make it in time, then I want you to go. Got it?"

He stared at me for a moment before letting out a sigh. "Make it back."

"I plan to," I smirked a bit before looking at the map. As I took off, I turned back to him. "I love you!"

"Love you too!" I heard him say behind me.

I stepped out into the hall.

I could hear banging and the sounds of Daleks screaming various threats and promises. They only got louder as I rounded the corner. I took a deep breath as I continued moving.

It was terrifying.

The closed walls, the sound of Daleks yelling. It was all so familiar. I could vividly see myself back in that little box that I had known for far too long. The practice scenarios where I would be faced with almost exactly this situation.

I tried to block out those memories. I had other things to focus on at the moment.

In a more relative sense, it had been going well. I hadn't been met with any loss Daleks and I was close to where I needed to be.

"Oswin," I said quietly. "I think I'm close."

"You are," she replied. "Less than twenty feet away. Which is the good news."

"And the bad?"

"You're about to pass through intensive care."

"Oh, great," I muttered, taking another deep breath.

The door slid open.

It was quiet. Daleks were lined up in cages, all dormant. The lights were off.

"Why are they here," I asked.

"Don't know. Survivors of particular wars. Spiridon, Kembel, Aridius, Vulcan, Exxilon. Ringing any bells."

I felt like the air was being forced out of my lungs. I was being strangled without anyone else around. My legs felt shaky as if my knees were prepared to give out at any given moment. And my head. My head hurt and was swirling with a thousand thoughts and memories.

And all I could was keep walking.

"Yeah," I answered, pausing to look at one of them. "These are the Daleks of the Time War."

I wanted to vomit.

"I was supposed to stop it. I couldn't."

I heard one of the Daleks coming to life behind me. "Savior."

"I'm sorry, what did it call you?"

"Nothing," I replied. "A name that I gave up a long, long time ago."

More Daleks started to wake up. I walked away, hoping to get out of the room as fast as possible.

"Oswin, there's a door but it won't open," I said. "They can't be far away now."

"Hold on. There's a release code, but I just need to find it. Is there anything happening out there?"

"No. But I don't like the silence any more than the yelling."

I heard chains rattling behind me. My breathing spiked again.

"Oswin!"

"Just a second!"

I heard the snapping of chains and my name being yelled again. I pressed my back to the door, putting as much distance between me and the approaching Daleks as I could. None of them seemed to have guns, so I should have been safe.

I closed my eyes, curling in on myself.

And then, it stopped.

All of it just froze.

"Oh, that is cool," I heard Oswin say as the Daleks turned around and moved away from me. "Tell me, I'm cool."

"What did you do," I asked.

"Hang on, I think I found the door thingy-"

"No, I need to know what you just did," I cut her off.

"The Daleks have a hive mind. Well, not really, it's more of a telepathic web."

"And?"

"I hacked into it," she explained. "Did a master delete on all the information connected with the Savior or (Y/n). Including information about the Doctor and your friends."

I let out a breathy laugh at the idea, tears filling my eyes. "You made them forget me."

"Good, huh," she asked. "And here comes the door."

"The Doctor has tried hacking into the path web before. He could never find a way to do it. I never even tried because of how much security they've got on it."

"Come and meet the woman who can."

The door slid open behind me. I scrambled inside but froze just in the doorway.

"Hey, you're right outside," the voices were mixing together. One Oswin's and the other was... Dalek. "Come on in."

"Oswin," I said. I took a step forward. "We have a problem."

"No, we don't," she replied. "Don't even say that. I joined the Alaska to see the universe and crashed on my first trip. You're here. You can take me to see it all. Properly."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Does it look real to you? That little place you're in right now?"

"It is real."

"It's a dream," I said. "Your mind constructed a safe place for you. Reality got too terrible. Too scary."

Her voice disappeared. All that was left was the Dalek's. "Where am I?"

"They did a complete transformation on you," I explained. "You are... a Dalek."

"No, no, I'm not a Dalek. I'm human."

I stepped forward, gently touching the shell of the creature. "You were when you crashed. But they found you... you climbed out of that pod we found."

"I'm human."

"Not anymore. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

There was no answer.

"You're a genius. They need genius."

There was still no response.

"I am so sorry," I started walking backward, closer to the door. "The Doctor asked earlier, but you never had to answer. Where did you get the milk? And the eggs? For the soufflés?"

"Eggs..." the Dalek voice shot fear into my stomach.

"I'm sorry."

"Ex... term... i... nate."

"Oswin," I muttered, stepping further back.

"Exterminate!"

"Oswin, wait!"

I scrambled back toward the door as the chains snapped off.

"You don't have to do this! They turned you but look at what you've done so far! You are still good! You are still you! Oswin, please!"

The Dalek stopped just in front of me.

"Oswin?"

"Why do they hate you," she asked. "You and that man. Why do they hate you so much?"

"I fought them. With him. More times than I can count."

"We have grown stronger out of fear."

"I know. That's... That's part of why we tried to step away. Stop giving them a reason to be stronger."

"Run."

"What," I asked. "What did you say?"

"Run," she repeated. "I've taken down the forcefield. The Daleks have begun their attack. Run.

I blinked at her a few times. I couldn't think of what to say.

"Oswin-"

"I am Oswin Oswald. I fought the Daleks and I am human. Remember me."

I grinned at her. "Yeah. I will. Thank you."

"Run," she urged me. I nodded and turned around as I heard something start crumbling around me. "Go save that clever boy of yours... and remember."

I have never thought about how difficult it is to run while you're crying. It hinders every system you had. Eyesight and breathing and your sense of direction gets shot by the emotion.

It was a miracle that I made it to the teleport in time. I jumped into the Doctor, hugging his as tight as I could.

"You alright?"

"We don't have time," I shrugged it off as I stepped back. There was another rumble. "We have to go."

He nodded. He hit a button on his control panel.

The Daleks were panicking when we got there. We ended up inside the TARDIS, but we could still hear them worrying about being under attack.

"You guys should have seen this coming," the Doctor yelled. "The thing about me and teleports is that I have really good aim. Pinpoint accurate, in fact. Or, to put it another way..."

"Please don't," I begged, going to grab his arm.

"Suckers!"

He stepped out of the TARDIS before I could stop him. I followed him out. If I couldn't stop him, then I could be next to him when he got himself killed.

The Dalek yelled at us, "Identify yourself! Identify!"

"What," the Doctor asked. "You know me."

"She did it," I whispered.

"Who did what," the Doctor turned to me.

"We should go," I said.

The Dalek yelled again, "Identify yourself!"

"The Doctor... The Oncoming Storm-"

"Titles are not meaningful in this context. Doctor who?"

I let out a sharp, relieved breath at the question. And then at how the question spread like wildfire.

"Come on," I grabbed the Doctor's hand.

He didn't question me any further, just following me back inside as the Daleks continued yelling.

Our next stop after that was Rory and Amy's home. They stepped out, waving to us as we went.

As the TARDIS took off again, it felt like the adrenaline finally wore off, I felt the tears coming back to my eyes.

I covered my mouth, leaning forward a bit and laying my other hand on the railing. The sobs started long before I ever had a chance to stop them.

"(Y/n)?- Hey," the Doctor walked over. He reached out and touched my arm.

It was as if that made me snap back to my senses. I quickly wrapped my arms around him, hiding my face in his shoulder.

"Hey, hey," he whispered, hugging me back. He ran his hand up and down my back a bit. "What happened?"

"I was too late," I muttered. I leaned back, wiping my eyes as I did. The Doctor's hands touched my sides. "I... I found her, but they... they had done a complete transformation."

"The milk and eggs," he mumbled.

"She... She wasn't even aware of it," I continued. "That's why she thought she had all of this stuff. She really thought that she was still human. That she was just waiting so I could save her."

The Doctor leaned over to kiss my forehead before pressing his against mine. "There was nothing you could have done."

I didn't respond for a moment.

"(Y/n)..."

"She did something," I said. "She got into their telepathic web and... she deleted all of the information about you and me."

"Really?"

"She saved our lives. And all I gave her was false hope."

The Doctor pulled me into another hug. "I'd like to think you saved hers as well. In some way."

I closed my eyes.

"A new way of thinking can save someone more than we'll ever know."

I would love to think that he was right.

And maybe he was, but it would be a very long time before I accepted that possibility.

-----------------------

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#eleventh doctor imagine #eleventh doctor fanfiction #eleventh doctor x reader #doctor who x reader #doctor who imagine #doctor who fanfiction #imagine #fanfiction #x reader #matt smith x reader #matt smith fanfiction #matt smith imagine

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tsams-confessions · 1 month

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I know confessing on the internet is somewhat a bad(?) thing, but I felt the need to say this; TSAMS Eclipse is a comfort character to me.

Obviously I do not find comfort in his past actions nor would I ever condone them; he needs to be held accountable for them, but I do find comfort in his trauma; the abandonment he suffered, the trust issues, the constant assurance he tells himself now crumbling from his very hands as everything spirals out of his own control, how he doesn’t want to be pitied or viewed weak due to feeling powerless (otherwise he could’ve been his very own hero, saving himself from the traumatizing situation) when he was left inside Sun’s head causing him to reject any help from anyone because he saw it as something weak (which is why he possibly has no idea HOW to ask for help), lashing out because he has no idea how to properly ground himself during these episodes (I feel like he doesn’t even know what kind of emotion he feels sometimes, it becomes too much for him maybe), the fact that he was abandoned during his awakening(?) and during his final moments as himself (I do understand why Solar left him, he wanted to move on while Eclipse didn’t, I believe it wouldn’t be fair for Solar flare of he stayed).

All of these are some of the main things why I find him comforting to me, as I’ve felt a lot of what he was feeling at a young age; the confusion, anger, loosing a sense of self, holding onto a false hope that’s slowly crumbling from in between your fingers and breaking even more because of how hard your holding them hoping it’ll stay when in the end it was all just fear of feeling lost in a world where people have purpose and dreams.

It’s all so scary and terrifying, and Eclipse being in these situations just reminds of more of some parts of myself and younger self; which maybe the reason why I have a liking to him.

I don’t know how the show will go with Eclipse, but if it does go with his redemption theme I will gladly support him in that hard journey. Changing something is especially hard when that very thing you have to change in order for a step in the right direction was all you knew; it would feel like leaving yourself behind and that can be scary, not knowing what’s ahead after you do. Would you gain or loose more? It’s kind of like Russian roulette in a sense. It’ll be a hard, painful and agonizingly long way to go for Eclipse; he’ll get angry and upset, get overwhelmed, depressed, lost, terrified even, he probably would backtrack sometimes.

But even if he does, I would be proud of him nonetheless for even attempting to change in the first place because of how courageous it is, at least to me. Changing can be a scary and terrifying experience and it’ll need a lot of bravery and courage to even make the first step.

Of course, he would absolutely need to apologize to everyone he’s ever hurt and understand that some of them won’t forgive him; maybe in the future they will, but some won’t forgive him ever, and he has to accept that as it is. Even if it may frustrate him, he has to accept it.

I’ve created so many AU’s about Eclipse and it’s very, very self indulgent. It brings me comfort and peace, joy even. I get to be somewhat a hero to the very person I see apart of myself to, someone that desperately needed it and I couldn’t be happier giving that help. Bonus that I get to be friends with him??? See him heal??? Accept the change and be brave??? SEE HIM LAUGHING AT JOKES MAYBE??? BEING HAPPY??? CONTENT EVEN??? YES

I just had the urge to say it, and I deathly apologize for any misspellings; most of the information here Is how I view Eclipse as a character and his behaviors.

-anonymous 雫

Ps- I love Eclipse, he needs a friend and perhaps someone to love (which I will certainly and gladly slide myself gently into his dms for /silly)

#the sun and moon show #sun and moon show #tsams #sams #tsams confession #< block this if you dont want to see these #mod 4bones

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artiststarme · 1 year

Text

What If Steve Were To Leave Hawkins? Part 5

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Feeling a little evil for this one. I'm sorry guys (but also not really). Warning for migraines and a minor panic attack. Enjoy the angst!

I think I tagged everybody that wanted to be tagged. If you would like to be added to the taglist, let me know!

~*~*~*~

Steve missed home and he missed working with Robin. It was a busy Monday morning at the coffee shop and he had served many an unhappy patron. If he were working a shift at Family Video, Robin would have noticed his shaky fingers and squinted eyes as signs of an oncoming migraine. She would have ushered him into the back room for a nap or sent him home early while he could still drive to rest. But he was in Chicago and Robin wasn’t here. She didn’t even know where he was. So, he tried to ignore the pounding in his skull and the gradual feeling of losing control over his own body as the migraine crept in and threatened to hit him full force.

Betty, his boss and the owner of the shop, noticed him struggling with even the most simple of orders and questioned him in her firm but gentle cadence. Steve admitted to getting migraines due to some head trauma over the years and told her that he was fine to do his job. He saw her discreetly glance to the scar circling his throat and then to the growing line of customers over his shoulder. He doesn’t know what kind of conclusion the kind, old woman came to but with a determined nod, she gracefully shoved him away from the brutish horde and into the back bakery. For the remainder of his shift, he pulled the decadent pastries from the oven and watched muffins settle on cooling racks. Even with the dings of the oven sending troves of pain through his head, Steve felt safe and peaceful in the kitchen surrounded by warmth and the smells of baked goods.

Meanwhile, Betty and the other barista that Steve didn’t remember the name of dealt with the horde of customers ordering coffees and pastries. Betty didn’t mind helping Steve on one of his very clearly rough days. When she had seen him sitting at the counter near the window perusing Help Wanted ads with a scar blemishing his throat and a fearful look in his eye, she knew she had wanted to help him. She herself had once been a terrified youngster all alone in a big city. When he told her about looking for a new job and place to live after leaving his parents’ house, she had read between the lines. She had somewhat-incorrectly assumed that his parents were abusive and had kicked him out for being gay. Who someone loved never mattered to her and she hired him on the spot. Who wouldn’t hire the kind-eyed and soft spoken boy wearing a polo unironically in a coffee shop downtown?

Once the rush had settled, she took her break and helped maneuver Steve into the unit she rented him upstairs. She settled the boy in his second-hand bed and placed a cup of water and a Tylenol next to him on the nightstand she had gifted him. Betty glimpsed at him in sadness before going back to the shop. She would check on him tomorrow morning.

~*~*~*~

Unfortunately, it wasn’t unusual for nightmares to accompany his migraines.

Steve was torn from sleepiness with a nightmare so brutal, Eddie’s bloody form was still stained on his brain even with his eyes open. Steve panted and choked off a shout as his arms flailed and his feet tripped in the blankets. He didn’t even recognize that he was stumbling to the phone in the small kitchen until he was brought back to awareness with a groggy, “Hello?” coming from the phone.

“Hello?” The voice asked again. “If this is a prank call at 3:32 in the fucking morning, I’m gonna…”

“Eddie?” Steve whispered.

“Steve? Steve! Are you okay?” Eddie shrieked loudly and full of concern.

It registered to Steve that it was too early in the morning to call someone, much less someone who didn’t like him. Shit, he shouldn’t have called. As if any of the Party needed more ammunition to use against him. But he always felt a little more vulnerable and alone while in the denouement of a migraine so he supposed it could be forgiven this once.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called. Eddie, I’m sorry. I’m gonna go…” Steve said and made a move to place the phone back in its cradle.

“NO! No, no, no Stevie, talk to me. What’s wrong?” Eddie practically screamed into the receiver, his voice pitchy and shrill.

Steve sighed. If Eddie was keeping him on the phone to talk, surely he wouldn’t mind a few moments? “I had a nightmare and wanted to make sure you were still… okay. I’m sorry for bothering you. I didn’t realize what time it was.”

Eddie breathed in a sigh of relief and, unknowingly to Steve, placed a hand against his chest to calm the concerned fluttering of his heart. “That’s good, that’s alright. You find a place, then?”

Steve nodded his head before realizing that Eddie wouldn’t be able to see it. “Yeah, my new boss is letting me rent out the apartment above the coffee shop. It’s a nice place, I like it.”

“Good. Um, we went to your place to talk to your mom today. Her and your dad went on another business trip. They didn’t seem too concerned with finding where you went, the assholes. So we-”

Yeah, Steve did not want to talk about his hasty exit from Hawkins or his current whereabouts, especially to the guy that initially instigated everything. He angrily huffed into the phone, “I don’t want to talk about that. If you’re just going to keep-“

Eddie backpedaled, “hey, hey, hey, Harrington. We don’t have to talk about that. Do you want to hear about the campaign I’m planning for the kids?”

Steve let out a breath of relief, he could do that. “Yeah man, tell me about your nerd game.”

They spent the next hour near their phones. Both of them sat on their kitchen floors, phone in the crook of their shoulder. One nodding off and the other spouting unintelligible nonsense about an upcoming DnD campaign.

Once Eddie was out of details to add, he stuttered. “H-Harrington? Can you call me later today, please? I won’t ask where you are anymore. We can just talk. Please?”

Steve woke slightly from his dozing state at the pleading tone. Maybe it would be good to talk to someone, even one that disliked him at best. He was getting so lonely and Eddie was offering. Well, Steve wasn’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth. “Sure man, I’ll call you later.”

Eddie let out a huff of relieved laughter, “Cool, I’ll talk to you soon then Harrington.”

Steve nodded, “goodnight.”

“Goodnight Stevie.”

If Wayne walked into the kitchen after his shift to find Eddie sleeping on the floor with the phone cord still wrapped around his finger, no one else had to know.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20: Epilogue

Taglist:@nickavalens@conversesweetheart@themostunoriginalpersonever@swimmingbirdrunningrock@eddiethegreatteddybear @call-me-big-eyes @cornwallisandkerley @moonshadows-13 @glittergluekintsugi @cpidcupk @doubleb11 @mentalcyborg @amoris-no-smut-allowed @purple-lemonade @labels-are-for-the-weak @thebrazilianatheist @rajumat @livelaughlexa @5ammi90 @colorful565 @marvelousforlife @chaoticcoffeequeen @gregre369 @suddenlyinlove@thegreatmistake @stillfullofshit @nburkhardt @batxsignalsx @newunknowns @thosemessyvibes @tailsfromthecrypt@luciana-rowan @bird-with-pencils @adaed5 @lolawon @flustratedcas @iwillfindmyneverland @messrs-weasley @skoomy-doompy @yearningagain @darkwitchoferie @forest-fogg @bitchysunflower @stardust-era@newtstabber@bobatrash-queen @notjasontxdd @ohlook-afrog @00biscuit @grtwdsmwhr @oxidantdreamboat

#yep I gave steve gay vibes and I don't regret it #steve finally called Eddie! we're getting somewhere #are you guys okay? all the comments say you're sobbing and i'm concerned #stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #robin buckley #dustin henderson #steddie #fanfic #I still hate writing dialogue

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ziracona · 2 years

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Okay but what I can’t get over is when you meet Anders, and he explains Justice, he says his anger and hate corrupted Justice and overwhelmed him—changed him—and he’s miserable and guilt-ridden and full of so much self-hatred and fear of hurting someone he loves again and certainty he will, that he takes THREE YEARS of being in love with Hawke who is actively pursuing him, before even considering risking a relationship.

And I fucking believed him. I thought ‘That makes sense. Spirits are influenced by how they’re believed to be (a great example being the awful things that happen to poor Justice on a Rival!Path in DA2), and their environment, and what they’re pushed to do. He’s clearly not a demon, which tracks, because that only happens to a spirit corrupted completely away from their core being, and Justice and Vengeance aren’t antonyms—they have solid overlap. So, it’s more like he’s unstable and a little bit shaky in his sanity, dealing with this, but still very much a spirit and himself—just also sort of unwell.” It made sense. I really thought Anders would understand what was going on.

It wasn’t until beating the whole fucking game and having complete context, that I was able to look backwards and realize that’s entirely wrong. In Awakening, Justice has /exactly/ the same personality as in DA2, just more stable and calm and curious, less unwell and fractured. That’s what I said before? No, not exactly. What I mean is, Justice pushes Anders in Awakening to consider a more active role in defending Mages. He’s forceful and passionate about doing the right thing—hell, when you meet him, he’s championing a bunch of humans in the Fade to save them from a demon by force. He changed, yes. But it wasn’t his personality. It was his stability.

Anders’ feelings of anger and hate and desire for justice and vengeance didn’t hurt Justice at all; those feelings are all just ones. It was his fear and guilt that did. It was the way he’s been raised his entire life by the Chantry to consider himself dangerous and violence dangerous and action dangerous, and caring too much, fighting back, standing up, using magic to fight back, all dangerous and bad. It’s his /fear/ that he is wrong and bad. It’s his religious trauma over his own existence biologically as what he is. Justice didn’t change. Anders was afraid of what he and Justice did—were able to do—what Justice did to protect him. And immediately assumed he was the monster and he was at fault, because as much of a rebel as he is and as much as he believes Mages are not monsters and deserve to be free, like basically all minorities who had to unlearn the bigotry they experienced their whole life, he has not been able to stop applying to himself rules he long ago stopped apply to everyone else in the world.

And that fear, that belief Justice had been warped and hurt by him, and schism in his own mind about not just what Justice means, but what it means as it relates to him and what he’s allowed to do and want, and it making him evil as a person to pursue even if he thinks it’s right, /that/ is what warped Justice. That’s why Justice is unstable and unwell and their relationship is fractured and strained, despite caring for each other, and Justice’s overwhelming desire to help Anders. Anders is terrified not of Justice, but of himself. And in retrospect all of this is made so clear by his two paths in DA2.

Since gaining Justice, Anders was immediately attacked and almost killed by another Warden, and had to flee, and it was bloody. He ran to Kirkwall and kept his head down, struggling to help as a doctor for refugees in the slums, risking freedom and life every day by practicing magic as an apostate. He’s utterly alone. He spent years fleeing the Circle and being dragged back. As a youth, he fell in love, and they separated him and his boyfriend and took him to another tower. He kept trying to escape. He was left in solitary confinement for an /entire year/ after his seventh escape. The wardens saved him, and he had a home and freedom for like 6 months in awakening, then the Wardens bowed to the Chantry’s demands and initiated a Templar to follow him literally everywhere like a prison warden and that hard earned freedom and community was lost. He saved Justice’s life by letting him live in his body, but in doing so was proclaimed an abomination and almost killed on the spot by the Templar Warden, and fled, alone again. In Kirkwall, he isolated himself to try to keep others safe, and spent his time healing. Then he meets Hawke, and goes to save his first love from being made tranquil, only to find the Chantry is using their own church to bait him, and he has arrived too late, Karl is gone, and he is nearly made tranquil himself, then forced to kill the only person he’s ever loved when Karl regains his person for seconds and begs him to do it before he’s a mindless slave again.

From here, he spends the next 7 years helping heal Hawke’s team, smuggling Mages out of Kirkwall to save them as part of an Underground Railroad, championing mage rights and protesting, writing manifestos, healing refugees and the poor, and doing everything in his power to make the world better. No one in Hawke’s party, except determinately Hawke (and determinately Bethany as well, before, well), takes him and the plight of Mages seriously. He’s treated as an extremist and an annoyance and over the top for regularly talking about the fact that, you know; his minority group literally is being killed in the streets and turned into mindless slaves for the church every fucking day, and no one is stopping it. He becomes more and more desperate and isolated and the situation gets so bad, Justinia has ordered an Exalted March to purge Kirkwall, and Meredith has sent for the Right of Annulment to kill every mage in the circle, about half way through Act 3. And still, no one does anything. He’s completely alone, even in just, fucking validating the severity of the suffering and death and injustice they face.

If Hawke treats Anders like a monster, like an abomination, and Justice like a demon? Over the course of those 7 years of being dismissed, abandoned, and outright attacked by the closest things he has to friends, he becomes less and less stable, more and more lost to the Chantry fears he’s a monster, less sure of himself and his identity, more alone, and confused, and broken, and hopeless. Pulled in too many directions and giving up in despair and trying to fight at the same time. And Justice gets worse. He becomes believed by everyone to be a demon, until even Anders is uncertain and afraid of them both. And then Justice is torn between hurting Anders, and letting innocents die, both of which go intrinsically against his nature as a spirit, and what happens to Justice is what happens to any spirit forced to be and forced to act outside of its nature: he begins to be warped into a demon.

If Hawke is a friend to Anders, and he is not alone in his fight for his people. If Hawke helps him, and reassures him, and he is able to stabilize his mind and emotions and realize he’s not a monster, and his cause is just, he and Justice stabilize together, and no longer have even the issues they do in Act 1, because his warped view of justice and his fears are overcome, and with Justice’s sense of self not constantly threatened, the problem is removed. They both get to be happy, and well, and cohesive. It empowers Anders to see he’s right and just, and to make hard choices rationally, and find who he is and what he wants, with great assurance and passion, and Justice to retain who he is and stay a spirit, while both help the world.

And anyway it just makes me extremely upset that Anders even with all his conviction and belief, has still had such fear and guilt over his very being drilled into him by the Chantry, that he truly believes he’s the monster in his relationship with Justice, and a danger to everyone around him, and it’s the Chantry the whole time. It always has been.

#dragon age 2 spoilers #dragon age 2 #Anders #Anders dragon age #justice dragon age #da justice #da anders #I kinda lost the thread for a moment there getting distracted about the plot structure as a whole but my point stands and it’s VERY upsettin #chantry what /haven’t/ you guys royally fucked at this point? anyone? anythjng? at all?#spoilers #I wish he could blow it up /again/. some poetic justice that bomb is basically where Karl stood #if you reblog this post with Anders negativity I will /kill/ you

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animeyanderelover · 1 year

Text

hey! if possible, id like to request general hc for akito, yuki, kyo, hatori, shigure, ayame, hatsuharu and ritsu.

So, I already discussed it and apparently this person only watched the 2001 anime version and for that was unaware of Akito being in reality a woman in the manga.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, paranoia, guilt-tripping, manipulation, jealousy, stalking, delusion, isolation, abduction, trauma, Akito in itself is plently a trigger warning

Yandere Fruits Basket Hc's

Sohma Yuki

🐭 Yuki suffers from a low self-esteem thanks to all of the abuse Akito put him through and has been stuck acting like the charming yet cold prince for a long time due to his belief that no one would love his true personality. So it's a must for him that his s/o is kind and understanding. He can't love anyone, he shouldn't with Akito there yet it happens anyways. Yuki can't seem to prevent his infatuation with you with every refreshing smile you give and how you carry yourself. The realization that he's fallen in love with you scares him to his core simply because he's terrified what Akito will do if she ever finds out. In an attempt to save you by avoiding you, he only hurts himself that much more. He can't get you out of his head and his heart clenches painfully when he sees how you're so completely unaffected by it whilst he's probably spent some nights crying because he longs for you so painfully much. He doesn't blame you though, after all he has never introduced himself to you.

🐭 This avoidance already showcases that Yuki is very protective, he knows what Hatori had to go through after all and it utterly terrifies him to think that he might end up putting you in such a situation too. Despite doing his best to not interact with you, he always watches you though and if he wouldn't be so popular, he might even go out to stalk you a bit. Cleary obsessed as he memorizes everything you say or do and whilst you might not pay it much mind when you greet him or help him with something since his anti-social and awkward side sometimes breaks out of him, he never forgets it as it makes him only fall more for you. It isn't until Tohru, Machi and Kakeru appear in his life and slowly help him to heal does he gain the courage to talk to you. He's admired you for a longer time from the distance so he feels flustered and nervous when he approaches you, heart pounding in his chest and palms clammy as he finally talks to you for the first time and turns completely lovesick.

🐭 He is prone to jealousy a lot which mainly ties into his low self-esteem and the fact that all he is able to do for months on end is watching you silently. It's selfish and dangerous to wish that you'd give him your smile and your laugh all the time but whenever he catches you acting very close to someone else, he gets quickly insecure and has to leave, tears stinging his eyes. Yuki can only direct his frustration at himself because he doesn't have the courage to talk to you, let you know that he also wants to be a part of your life. He always leaves whenever he sees something like that and ends up being depressed for the rest of the day, lamenting over his hurting heart. The insecurity never leaves him, not even after he's gained the courage to talk to you and befriend you nor even after the curse is broken and he's your boyfriend. The lingering fear to not be good enough and to be replacable always lingers inside his heart although to your pleasant surprise in front of certain people he expresses more confidence, maybe even slight arrogance.

🐭 Yuki has been traumatized with Akito's unstable and violent behavior so I feel like he'd be one of the last people who would want to inflict the same pain and fear on others. With his inner growth comes more confidence and more maturity so Yuki always attempts to talk about something to resolve a conflict. Generally talking though, I can totally see him manipulating the situation to paint him in the better light and let's be for real, he's very good at it. For the most part, he tries to avoid all conflict though and is most of the time anyways too focused on loving his darling and sucking up any affection they could give him like a dry sponge. He can fight quite good though and can be more snarky and say stuff that provokes the other person.

🐭 Behind his kind and very sweet behavior lies still a somewhat broken person and Yuki is far more possessive over his s/o than he lets on. He's been feeling lonely and isolated his entire life so after he's finally freed from his curse, he knows exactly that he wants to stay together with you for the rest of his life. It's genuinely not hard to fall in love with Yuki since he's so charming and loving to you. Sometimes he cracks though as his low confidence and his paranoia speak out of him where he grows desperate for some reassurance from you. He'd definitely guilt-trip his s/o if he's paranoid and afraid that they might leave him since he is somewhat clumsy and simply not good enough. He's extremely fragile at such moments. Whilst he should technically know that such emotional manipulation is toxic, Yuki is probably just more on a semi-aware side. The fear of rejection and abandonment outweighs his guilty consciousness.

🐭 He often feels insecure because he's often more clumsy and isn't a good cook although he tries his best to get better for his s/o. Sometimes you find him going to far though when he puts your needs in first place instead of his own which happens especially often when he wants to prove himself and feels stressed. He tends to overthink simple things such as when you ignore him or don't return the kiss he gives you. He's slightly shaken and thinks he's done something wrong although he always asks you first, doing his best to calm his paranoia and lingering trauma down. He's skittish with physical affection at first since he's been abused by Akito so you have to be gentle with him at first. He learns to love everything you do to express your love for him though and physical affection is included. You give him security and more confidence, have patience even with all of his relapses and Yuki desperately hopes that he can give you in return the love and care no one else can give you.

Sohma Shigure

🐕Summarizing Shigure up in one word is quite difficult simply because you have troubles making up your mind. What you can't deny is that he's quite annoying at times as he always seems to visit the places where he's bound to find you and doesn't shy away from being very friendly with approaching you. Behind that laid-back and light-hearted facade, Shigure is very hyper-aware of his own feelings though. He knows that he's just a tad bit too obsessed with his darling but the undeniably worst thing about Shigure is that he doesn't care about his toxic mind. He knows himself best and for that is aware that he's far too possessive to leave you alone anyways so why should he feel guilty? That possessive emotion of his is quite fearsome though as he's willing to hurt the feelings of other people, sometimes even including you, and is ready to sacrifice everything if it will guarantee that he can be with you.

🐕Exceptionally manipulative too and his normally goofy behavior helps him to conceal his true side. He's annoying but appears harmless in your eyes although you already have a good hunch what he wants from you. You can't deny that the wise advices he gives you at times or moments where he's made you laugh with his silly behavior haven't helped you at least a bit. That's why you endure him in your life and that is according to Shigure's plans. A lot of his actions have a hidden motive or some plan behind it all such as the time where he makes acquaintance with people you socialize with and get all friendly with them only to use them to find out more about you. He's a shameless stalker too who waits for you in spots you pass by quite often to bump into you there, although he won't outright deny your claims that he's been here on purpose to find you. It's a bit risky, gambling like this whilst fully aware how Akito might react but Shigure can't help but find this all a bit entertaining.

🐕Despite being the oldest of the zodiac signs, when it comes to Shigure getting hurt emotionally, he's without a doubt the most immature and petty one. He wants his darling only for himself if he could do so and whilst he hides it well behind his silly mask, he secretly despises about everyone who is close to you. It doesn't even have to make a difference whether the interaction is purely platonic or gives romantic undertones, he finds a way to interfere somehow. You can't expect him to be decent enough to let you live your life after all. No, he has to be always part of it and ruin you quite a few things. Worst is though that he can be petty enough to effectively ignore you for a few days just to have you approach him and ask him if he's fine. Worry about him, but forget all about that other person.

🐕Self-serving, selfish, cunning and deceptive. Shigure is a menace and there's no way to put that lightly or in any positive way. He's willing to cause people around him pain and ruin even you relationships. That makes him the worst person you've ever met and who everyone in general can be unfortunate enough to meet but he doesn't care. Not as long as he can have you. Shigure is a master manipulator who manages to make the people around him always look worse than him. Friendships or even ties with your potential lover or crush will be cut by him and he will spread rumors and lies about you and the people you hang out with. He watches then from the sidelines how you end up having argument after argument and take devastating blows to your heart before he always comes in and cheers you up. It's only a question until you find out about his true personality though.

🐕Whilst Shigure can drag you into harm's way and sometimes does so willingly, he knows better than to repeat a Hatori situation with Akito. Kidnapping you isn't possible as long as the curse still lasts but he's fooled almost everyone else so far and he can do the same with you. You're most likely a bit sceptical around him anyways and truthfully, Shigure wants it that way at times. It's cute in his opinion to see you on your toes around him. At other times he just wants you to rely solely on him and for that fools around with the ties you have. Bad experiences regarding the friendships and strong ties you have with others makes you more cautious to get to know new people and causes you to cling more to him because he made himself look like the only person who sticks through with you. Strangely enough even when you discover what inhumane things he's done all along and demand him to leave you alone, he doesn't abduct you. No, instead all emotions leave his face and he promises you that he'll never leave you alone. You will be his, sooner or later.

🐕When the curse is finally broken and everyone is free to go, Shigure goes all out of his way. If he hasn't been able to properly touch you before, he will now absolutely smother you in affection. Bonus if you're bashful and embarrassed about it because then he'll do it to just rile you up a bit. People like Ayame and Hatori most likely know about his interest in you even before the curse is broken and also about his twisted ways of courting you but Shigure finds it all rather entertaining how they attempt to convince him that this isn't the right way to do it. It's better to always be on edge with Shigure around since you never know what's going on inside his head. He could be on one day an annoying and clingy man who dotes on you and teases you simultanously and on the next day gets all possessive and willing to even attack you emotionally to release some of his petty emotions when you've made him angry in some way.

Sohma Kyo

🐈Kyo wears his emotions on his sleeves and for that has an easier time socializing than Yuki has yet he is very adament to avoid and reject his darling as often as he can. He's very aggressive about the fact that he loves his darling and keeps his fair distance from them as he is used to people in his life only pitying and hating him and doesn't want to witness you undergoing the same process. Additionally he doesn't think that he's deserving of your love and affection either since he's terrified of hurting you. So every time you try to talk with him or every time someone asks him if he harbors feelings for you, he reacts brash and defensive, ends up saying something that will hurt you and your feelings and he feels incredibly guilty later on but he tells himself that it's the right thing to do. He stalks his darling a lot though.

🐈Watching over his darling from the shadows fills him simultanously with longing as much as with happiness. He wants to be with you too but knows that he'll be locked away after he finishes high school. You'd only get hurt if he would get close to you right now only to be left by him then because he can't do anything against his cursed fate. Kyo is extremely overprotective though and will do whatever he can to make you happy, puts your own needs actively above his own as well as his happiness. He always steps in as soon as someone makes you uncomfortable to protect you from then even if it ends up putting him into a situation where you want to thank him and feel the need to get to know him better. Underneath all that stubborn and aggressive behavior is in reality a very sensitive and affectionate person though who is just too traumatized and afraid to be hurt by you, the one person he's so in love with.

🐈He has a hard time really suppressing his jealousy but doesn’t want to to show his own feelings so initially Kyo just resorts to avoiding the scene as good as he can. He’s visibly stressed for the rest of the day though as the image won’t leave his head and serves to only make him even more irritated. He’s going to be a lot more brash and sharp-tongued if he meets the person again too. He mellows out after he has successfully managed to overcome his insecurities and decide to just enjoy the time he has left with you. That doesn’t deter his jealous streak quite obviously but Kyo wants his darling to be happy and feels inferior and not in the right to interfere with people you’ve been friends with and known for way longer than him. The boy is still bound to snap when he realizes that someone flirts with you and he’s really intimidating when he’s really pissed. Glowing, orange eyes staring at whoever thinks that they can just carelessly flirt with you because they take you for easy and the clear way he steps in front of you to shield you from their vision.

🐈Definitely one to get quicker aggressive and defensive over you than some others. Kyo can be a hothead and at times very possessive but he matures emotionally over time and learns to at least control his temper a bit better even if it still bursts out at times. The moment someone harms his s/o though and puts them under unnecessary stress, he is quick to get triggered due to his overprotective side. He’s very skilled in martial arts and it has been one of his biggest passions in his life before he met people he can trust and his darling so he’s quite obviously really good in it. He tends to stop thinking rationally for a bit when someone truly messes with his darling as he’s utterly consumed by rage.

🐈He never tries to dream about living together with his darling as he’s aware of his looming fate but that doesn’t stop his thoughts from betraying him at times. It makes his whole chest ache. You might even marry someone else later in your life and that thought infuriated him as much as it makes him depressed. He’s such a fool for letting his feelings escalate that far. After the curse is broken and he’s freed from Akito, he’s in shock as he slowly begins to realize that he will now be able to spend his future together with you. He’s free to be with you and when the truth finally sinks in, he storms to your place and the first thing he does is giving you a tight hug, something he couldn’t and/or didn’t want to initiate so far. With nothing to hold him back anymore, Kyo becomes as determined as obsessed to stay with you.

🐈Whilst he mellows out and grows softer after his curse is broken and he can finally be with his darling, his obsession also cranks up a good notch. He’s been holding back so far because he kept repeating Akito’s words inside his head, thought that it would be useless and hurt and tormented himself with it. There’s nothing to hold him back though as soon as the shackles of the cat zodiac are gone, everything that he has been trying and failing to bury deep inside of him bursts all at once out of him. Kazuma knew pretty much all along and is delighted when he finally gets to meet you, although Kyo is constantly a bit on edge since he fears that Kazuma will tell you something embarrassing about him. Common for most Zodiac members but Kyo is quite starved for affection and gets grumpy when you don’t give him any.

Sohma Hatori

🐉Hatori has resigned himself to the belief that he doesn't deserve any love since he has hurt people by erasing memories. Yuki's friends, Momiji's own mother and his own lover Kana has caused him to develop a rather low opinion of himself. Loving someone again isn't his intention so the experience of gaining an infatuation with his s/o is a scarring one. He's hurt already enough people and the personal trauma of what Akito did to Kana push him to distance himself as good as he can. You shouldn't get involved with him nor with any of the Sohma since it's safest for you. Very lucid about his own feelings too and it does nothing to help his already low self-esteem. There's fear and trauma as much as there is a low-key possessive longing somewhere inside his chest, one that suffocates him yet he's unwilling to let you suffer for his own selfish emotions.

🐉At the same time Hatori is also awfully protective over his s/o and if you two happen to cross paths, he can't help but let his eyes constantly wander to you. Any sign of stress or sickness from your side causes him to feel instantly the need to check on you and even dote on you slightly. If he catches you ignoring your own health in favor of going outside and working, he will usher you instantly back to take a day off and caters to your needs. It's wrong, Hatori shouldn't get himself so actively involved but he can't help himself whenever he sees that you're physically or emotionally unwell. He eventually decides to stop the constant attempts to distance himself since he always comes back to you, settles on becoming an acquaintance in your life who you can trust. He doesn't want to take it any further though but his darling always manages to break his already fragile resolve once again.

🐉Composure is one of the key words for Hatori together with his overall kindness. He isn't petty like Shigure is nor is he as open with his emotions as Kyo and even his insecurities are better tamed than some other of the zodiac signs. His darling makes them happy and if he can somehow help them feeling better and brighten up their daily life, he absolutely will. Hatori is rational, he has to be since his somewhat more unhealthy feelings are a silent burden on him at times. He's all about icy politeness and arctic stares when he's jealous, slightly passive-aggressive with a tad bit more edge to his words. He isn't as possessive as some other members are but definitely feels the need to be when someone is overly nice to you which leads to slightly more affection from his side, as much as he can give his s/o if his curse should hinder him.

🐉It's rather interesting considering that he could just erase someone's memories with hypnosis but I feel he's done it too often and has harmed others because of it that he's become hesitant and unwilling to use it at all. Honestly, Hatori is rather tame and is someone who prefers to talk then to harm others, something he believes he has done enough already. His overall kindness gets a tad bit tainted by his obsession though which leads in certain situations to anger and hatred that isn't typical for him and startles him a bit when he reflects on it. Before anything can happen though, he would always opt for hypnosis and prevent and accident before it can happen. He always has to keep his darling away from that person afterwards though and vice versa since there's no guarantee that the memories he has erased will stay hidden forever.

🐉Considering that he's been imprisoned for years because of his curse, Hatori values your own choices and personal freedom very much and similar to most members of the Sohma family, it's only after the curse is broken that he is truly able to think about his own future. There's always only been one thing he wanted ever since you shined on him like a single star of guidance in the darkness he was imprisoned in. Hatori wants to stay with his darling and he's very open to admit that to them as soon as he's freed. Probably the one who can lead the most normal relationship with you although at times when he's very worried about you or gets a bit paranoid, he becomes a tad bit more controlling.

🐉All the care and love he provides aside, it's probably quite good for his own mental and emotional health too when his darling is with him. He doesn't allow himself to indulge in some basic human needs like eating and sleeping which somewhat makes him a hypocrite since he points it out to you immediately when you skip a meal or couldn't sleep very well on one night. So you sometimes have to straight-up push him to bed or insist that you won't eat anything until he has consumed something too. You might be sometimes a bit too persistent but it shows that you care for him and that always manages to flatter Hatori in the end. Considering that his own profession is one of a doctor, he's almost always the one who caters to your needs and nurses you back to health when you fall ill and yes, he can't deny that this boils also partially down to pride of being able to provide for you and protect you, something he wasn't able to do in his past.

Sohma Ayame

🐍Ayame was never really traumatized and hurt by Akito which is why he's in comparison to other members of the Sohma clan not as shackled down and emotionally damaged. Instead he's flamboyant, confident and vivacious. When he falls in love with you though, he loves with his entire mind and heart and that definitely gives him a fine obsession as he's not able to keep you out of his head. Admittedly, Ayame doesn't even try much to help it as he throws himself almost willingly into his never-ending infatuation. Mine catches him more than once daydreaming about you with a grin on his face and just him waiting hopefully for ou to enter his shop again. Whenever you do, he tries to keep you busy and with him as long as he can since he absolutely despises to be away from you. He's clingy and his presence at times almost overwhelming which admittedly allowed him to get your number so now you have him spamming you and calling you multiple times a day just to hear your voice.

🐍Ayame is highly affectionate and if he can touch his s/o, they will be drowned in hugs and smooches as this man has zero shame about the public display of affection. If he can't be physically too affectionate then he does about anything else, which he also already does if he can be as touchy as he wants to be. All cheesy and romantic nicknames you can imagine, presents and cute gifts and he even designs couple outfits for the both of you and starts pouting when you refuse to wear them. What's worth mentioning is that the gorgeous man is highly delusional as everything others may perceive as wrong and creepy, he perceives as a sign of his dedication and love. Whether he just follows you around outside since he can't bear being separated from you or coaxes friends of yours to tell him stuff about you, it all just shows to him how much he loves you. He in fact sees you as his missing half, as his soulmate of sorts because why else would he adore you as much as he does?

🐍Ayame is even with his sometimes downright ridiculous behavior deep down still deeply possessive over his sweetheart. That is only fueled by his delusion that his darling is basically his soulmate. Only his. He’s an attention whore, loves it when his sweetheart pays attention to him and only him and starts sulking and pouting fast when that isn’t the case. Ayame is an exception among many Zodiac signs since the man is quite confident in himself and knows that he looks gorgeous, not to mention that his delusions give him this additional boost that really just makes him a bit arrogant. He gives your counterpart little to no chance to talk much with you as he does almost anything to interrupt you to and get your attention back on him, is very extra whenever he introduces himself to your acquaintances. Ayame calls himself already your lover even if you don’t see it that way.

🐍The eccentric man is probably more malicious and cunning than he lets on at times but that mainly stems from the fact that most of the time he has better things to do than waste his time on others. What could be after all more important than paying attention to his darling sweetheart? He draws a very clear line though when it comes to someone potentially thinking about courting you since you’re already his lover. He’s aware that you might not think of it the same way as he does but he’s even more convinced that eventually you’ll realize your mistake and see things just as he already does. His zodiac sign is the snake and that animal is known for it’s cunning and manipulative nature so just don’t underestimate him.

🐍Despite the freedom he’s able to enjoy in comparison to his younger brother, the tragedy of Kana and Hatori still serves as a reminder of what might happen if he were to ask Akito for your hand in marriage. So even if Ayame persuades a relationship with you rather freely, he’ll still keep it a secret from Akito. He always calls you over to his shop for the most ridiculous and trivial reasons and essentially keeps you there with him for hours, more than just once so that you can give him your opinion on clothes and even wear them, he adores it to see you wearing the dresses he makes, no matter your gender. He always run the risk of transforming when the temperature is either too hot or too cold so it’s safest for you and him to stay in his shop. He’s already quite overbearing but surprisingly he still holds back due to the looming threat of Akito. He goes fully out the moment he’s no longer cursed as the snake.

🐍That’s meant quite literally because in the very moment where his curse is broken, he instantly seeks you out and proposes to you. He’s bought the ring already a long time before but had to wait . He probably would have proposed to you even with the curse but now that he has quite literally nothing to worry about, he asks you for your hand in marriage. His clingy behavior only intensifies as the man is up your ass every waking second. Hands are always somewhere on you and he is unashamed enough to even walk in when you plan to shower or take a bath and insists that he should join you. He doesn’t have to hold you a secret from others either so he always rambles and gushes over how sweet and beautiful you are in front of his friends and younger brothers, flaunts you in front of everyone.

Sohma Hatsuharu

🐮Hatsuharu basically has two personalities where he is very calm and placid as "White Haru" and very foul-mouthed and aggressive as "Black Haru". Due to that he expresses his own feelings very differently depending on which Haru he currently is. Overall Hatsuharu is frighteningly nonchalant about the whole aspect of his own obsession though. Whilst he is aware about how this technically isn't something that is healthy and does attempt to not turn too overbearing and potentially hurt you, he doesn't really worry about ti overall too much. He deals very relaxed with it and isn't that shy to at least approach you and talk to you differently from even some guys here older than him. He still has to be careful with everything since Akito is still a threat. He attempts to follow you around and stalk you but has been shown to have a terrible sense of direction so he more than once gets lost the moment he loses sight of you.

🐮His terrible sense of direction is frequently taken advantage off by him though since the person he asks in most cases for help when he gets lost is usually you. A bit dirty but Hatsuharu has little to no shame. Black Haru has even less shame than he does and it happens that he gets triggered in cases wher his possessive or overprotective side flares up. Hatsuharu is almost casual about his possessive and protective tendencies but Black Haru is a completely different story. He's aggressive, gets in fights, provokes and insults others and is not even afraid to make it clear to you that he'll be your boyfriend at some point, even if he isn't now. Until then you better not fall for everyone else because he'll scare everyone away threatening to steal your heart before he does and he is even quite touchy with you in such times, especially if he has nothing to worry about.

🐮Jealousy is an ugly feeling, one that has someone's blood boiling when he sees you being affectionate with someone else or when he catches some fool daring to flirt with what's his. Hatsuharu does make attempts to try to push down his black side simply because he knows that his vast switch in personality tends to scare you at times and make you uncomfortable and he cares a lot for you. There's nothing he can really do once he gets triggered though and in his black personality he has very little to no shame. He's violent, loud and rude and ready to start a fight with anyone who he deems in that moment as a rival for him. Black Haru is also quite confident, brags about himself in front of you and is a total show off.

🐮If it's fight someone wants, fights they shall get. White Haru is passive-aggressive, a prankster who embarrasses people without resorting to violence. This is the more pleasant way to deal with him since he knows how bad he can be in his black personality which is why he gives someone who has been getting on his nerves lately for stressing you or trying to ask you out always receives a warning from him beforehand. If he snaps though, Black Hatsu won't hold back at all with his punches and kicks and tends to leave someone with bruises which will last and hurt for weeks. It becomes especially brutal if someone actually harms his s/o because he snaps just like that and sees red for a while. Because of that, Yuki, Momoji and Kyo tend to supervise him a bit because god knows what he might otherwise do to someone who has been messing with you. It's most of the time effective to just quickly retrieve you and have you stop Hatsuharu.

🐮Hatsuharu has already made the decision that he wants to live his life together with his s/o and he doesn't care what Akito might say about this. At the same time he will do absolutely everything to keep this a secret from her as well since he knows that she might do otherwise some horrifying thing to you that might traumatize you permanently. He will still try to enter a relationship with you even if he has to keep it a secret because he literally can't control himself otherwise. Black Haru tends to come out more often as soon as he hasn't been able to see you for a whole day or when someone has made a move on you which bothers him and worsens his mood for the rest of the day. Similar to Ayame, he's very shameless in his approach as soon as his curse has been broken and he literally asks you if you'd like to move in with him. His whole behavior at this point just screams "choose me".

🐮He spends a lot of money on his wardrobe and ends up buying his s/o lots of clothes too, his favorite is leather so expect a lot of that. Alternatively he just adores seeing how you wear his clothes since it is a small boost to see you walking around in what he normally wears. You are genuinely the person who can keep him the most effectively calm which is why his friends always run to you the moment he switches to Black Haru and goes out of control. Admittedly, one of the main reasons he turns is when he isn't able to find or see you. It's the worst when he's had an argument with you, you ignore him or even reject him and his affection though since this leads him to having essentially a mental breakdown which takes him a long time to recover from and that only when you help him with it.

Sohma Ritsu

🐵This man stays the heck away from his darling but the fear of Akito is in this case not even the main reason. He's plagued with insecurities, has an inferiority complex and deep issues when it comes to his own self-esteem and deems himself to be utterly useless and to only be a burden. What could he possibly do to enrich your life somhow with his presence? He's such a disappointment after all, you'd be better off not knowing him. Ritsu sees everything wrong with him but he deeply adores and loves his s/o, thinks of them as perfect even if they obviously also have things they're terrible in. His anxiety makes it about impossible for him to approach you properly because if he as much as sees you passing by anywhere he already topples over and turns into a clumsy mess. The only thing he seems to be able to do is stalk you for a very long while, too insecure to do anything else. He's beyond horrified of you thinking badly of him and since he has some suicidal tendencies as it is, this would only drag him even further down.

🐵For Ritsu his darling becomes really important though when he decides to live for their sake. He's always questioned what his reason for life was after all and at one point is genuinely convinced that you are his reason for being born. This thought consumes his mind and turns him into a somewhat delusional person even if he still knows that doing hings like stalking you is still creepy and he loathes himself for doing this. You'd surely be disgusted with him if you'd ever find out. He feels like fainting when you actually approach him and talk to him since you've noticed him for a while now although you're surprised to find out that he's in fact a man. Something Ritsu instantly apologizes for. He is prone to overreacting and apologizing for every little thing so that is something that you have to get used to if you want to hang out with him. The worst is that he knows that his behavior might tire you out which only pushes him into more anxiety and leads to more tears and apologies.

🐵He feels like crying, he genuinely feels like crying more than anything. His jealousy always ends in an overwhelming pain and insecurities because he has poor social skills and is very well aware of that. Undeniably one of the most toxic thing he does is putting himself through al of the pain though as he is just as aware of the fact that separating himself from you would hurt even more. He can't give you what so many others in this world could give you, he's too useless for that. It should be enough already that you accepted him into your life as the wreck he is. He never tells you either about his problems because you have better things to do than listen to his trivial feelings. He always lets it out when he's home though, bursting out in tears and regretting and hating himself for his own cowardice. He really is a good-for-nothing, is he?

🐵He couldn't hurt a fly, let's be real here. Ritsu is probably the most harmless guy to have. He's too kind-hearted and gentle to be malicious to anyone, at the same time would rather die than witness his darling having any troubles which sadden them and cause them pain. Funnily enough witnessing how you end up in a risky situation gives him enough adrenaline to shortly go beyond his comfort zone and shield you before basically making a run for it with you together. He's rather self-sacrificing, doesn't care if he has to suffer for you if it means that you will end up being better off because of it. It's the least he can do to help you, isn't it? At least he can be of some use then for you. Alternatively he asks some of the other zodiac members for help as he learns to have a bit more faith in himself with passing time.

🐵He's one of the few members who has been shown having a good relationship with his mother and she has always wished that he'd find someone who would accept him. Ritsu isn't exactly discreet about his crush, the only one he is always careful around is Akito. His mother knows about you at some point though and invites you over to their onsen, something that nearly causes Ritsu to pass out again because what if he says something or does something that might insult you? Ritsu has to spend a good portion of the day with his darling though to prevent himself from suffering from a lasting meltdown and for that he's extremely clingy. Sure, he always trails a few steps behind you and steps back when you're conversating with someone else, otherwise he might as well look like your little duckling. Of course he wants to be together with you, he admits that tearfully to his mother when she asks him but he's feeling like he won't be able to give you anything in return for the love you provide him with.

🐵The whole co-dependency follows you through the whole time as Ritsu continues to hail you as his reason to be born. His darling would definitely have to be the patient and encouraging type though to help him slowly gain more self-confidence in himself and therefore be a major part in his character development. In Ritsu's eyes most likely the most important person. When the curse eventually fades away, he's finally freed from the last shackles that might have prevented him from fully wanting to spend his entire life with you. He's nervous when he approaches you for the first time dressed as a male in fear you might not like him in this appearance. Sometimes the habits of frantically apologizing and blaming himself for everything return to him just as much as the sometimes unhealthy signs of the co-dependent attachment Ritsu has developed over time and won't be able to get rid of ever. The delusion that he lives for your sake and that you helped him gaining more confidence are still present on his mind and he wouldn't be able to know what he should do with himself if you wouldn't be with him.

Sohma Akito

⚫️Congratulations, you're screwed. Akito is mentally unstable, insane, short-tempered and above all awfully possessive. If her darling has managed to gain her twisted and wicked heart, she will cling to them with everything she has. Akito has some issues going on herself with the emotional abuse Ren put her through and for that is in a way almost desperate to be loved but in order to achieve that she expresses it in horrible and inhumane ways. Her obsession with keeping the zodiac signs by her side and having the male ones essentially only loving her, she becomes overly focused on having her darling only love her to the point where she sort of drops her attention from the zodiacs as she is now obsessed with having her darling love her. Because her darling is no zodiac though and for that she isn't their god, there is a deep fear inside Akito's core that she might not be anything special to you and that thought disturbs her whilst at the same time clinging to the words of her father and thinking that she is in fact "special" and for that entitled to your affection.

⚫️Her possessive tendencies really only allows herself in your life as she forces you pretty much into everything. She is no more lonely now that she has you but you on the other hand end up losing everyone you had since Aktio flips out when you do as much as mention someone else in front of her. You have her! Forget them and just focus on her! Her mood can range from her sitting silently next to you to throwing angrily furniture around and whilst in most cases she is genuinely calmer when you're with her, you can just as easily set her off when she realizes that you aren't happy with her and in fact want to be with the people you love. You can't fathom how she can't understand that what she puts you through and what she has done to other Sohma family members is wrong whilst Akito at the same time can't really understand why you would blame her. No one ever taught her what's right or wrong, she's been as spoiled as traumatized during her childhood so it's either that she genuinely can't see her terrifying obsession as wrong or she chooses to actively not care.

⚫️Don't. Just don't. Not with someone like Akito who actively demands for you to show her your affection. Akito is immensely jealous and prone to her violent tantrums and outbursts and if you know her only a bit, you know what she's capable of. She won't allow anyone besides herself inside your life and your heart besides herself so you're better staying quiet because mentioning even a name can set her off and throw her into a nightmarish jealous frenzy. She's hurt other people before who stole the attention of her zodiac animals away from her so she's very much capable of doing the same to the people you hold dear, even your family members wouldn't be spared from her. She forbids you pretty much to love anyone else besides her.

⚫️It isn't really necessary to talk too much about that topic since Akito is pretty self-explaining already. She harshly punishes everyone who tries to take away what's hers and that has never been more true with her darling. The woman is cruel to everyone who does as much as waste some of your time she wants and demands you to spend with her and doesn't hold back from blaming you either, especially if you call her out for the terrible things she does. You should know better after all! Since Akito is a feared and respected woman and the head of the Sohma family, almost no one has enough guts to interact too much with you and risk meeting the furious jealousy and rage of Akito though which leaves you just as isolated as Akito.

⚫️Considering that her darling is the only person that can keep her somewhat calm and pacify her, you're pretty much never allowed to leave her side. Most of your days are spent secluded in the Sohma mansion by her side and the maids who serve her are no help to you at all. Some of them are too terrified to help you and others pretty much just chide you for wanting to leave Akito's side since she is the God of this family and allow her and actively help her to keep you imprisoned. The woman is awfully clingy, wants you extremely close to her with some sort of physical affection all of the time and if she has to leave, you're always forced to tag along with her. She's paranoid, fears that as soon as she leaves you alone someone will make a move and for that you're never allowed out of her vision.

⚫️Akito is the worst Yandere to have since she's openly violent, abuses others and manipulates and guilt-trips her own darling into staying with her as well. You're going to be emotionally scarred one way or another although she never seems to physically hurt you, at least not deliberately. With the way she functions and rages on, chances are that you end up getting hurt within all the chaos and her fuming wrath. As soon as she realizes that she's hurt you though, she drops whatever else she was doing just seconds before and shouts for the maids to help you, shaking hands grabbing you too harshly for your own comfort to see whatever damage she has inflicted upon you. The tamest you'll probably ever see her is when the two of you are completely alone and you've essentially learned the hard way how to keep her from exploding where she reminds you at times of a insecure child as she constantly clings to you, asks you if you love her and demands you to show her that in all sorts of affection.

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