#this week has been my personal hell so i rlly needed this

[eneablack]

im what, two days early for ur weekly motivation? who gives a shit i’m doing this bc it makes me happy and i know it makes u happy (THE ENERGY OF UR POSTS LITERALLT IS SO POSITIVE IT MAKES ME WANNA DO A FLIP)

BUT I LOVE U SM!! YOURE SUCH A COOL UNIVERSE TRAVELLER AND I HOPE I CAN MEET U ONE DAY IN PERSON!!!

i wanna personally invite u to a rlly cool wr i have planned (that i haven’t shifted to yet but i will soon LMFAO) AND LIKE GO THERE WHENEVER BC IT IS RLLT COOL!! it’s called the star and i rlly need to make a blog on it but 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️ when i decide to it happens lmfao BUR I LOCE UR BLOG I LOVE UR CONTENT I LOCE UR LITTLE STORIES AND I LOVE U

thank u for keeping me and so many other people motivated to shift, and showing that shifting isn’t always something insane — there are things that ground us and keep us feeling like normal, ig is how i would describe it

what i mean is when u tell us abt ur shifting life u make it seem soooo casual, like going on a walk, and that makes it so much more like — real i guess?? like it makes shifting feel like sunscreen (wow weird analogy)

i rlly hope we can stay in contact in so many realities bc it would b so so so so so sooooo fun and ur personality and energy is js AMAZING!! i truly wish and hope the best for you, and it is clear the universe has its eye on you. there are always so many positive energies and spirits surrounding you, and i can feel it rn.

you are protected more than you think, and you’re going down the right path. “don’t be surprised if everything js starts making sense” is what i just heard, and they won’t elaborate so thanks spirit 😭💀💀

ANYWAYS I LOVE U LEMME STOP RAMBLING AND SAVE SOME SHIT FOR NEXT WEEK‼️‼️

no but like receiving these levels of affection is doing something to me.. just know the feelings are reciprocated, even though i might seem too stiff.

you should definitely tell me more about that wr you’re talking about, no if or no buts, i already said that i love waiting rooms, and if i’m invited too.. hell yeah. so please let’s meet there, alright?

i’m so glad my blog is useful in giving you and other people motivation, and i’m happy it is giving the thought that it feels normal, because it is. i don’t know for how much longer i will post on this account, but i hope it will last long together with the people i know here (i don’t have anyone close but i love my mutuals), because not just for you but it gives motivation to myself as well, to remember that i can do anything. and so can you, of course.

i wasn’t prepared for you saying that the universe has its eye on me and that i’m more protected than i think. it’s truly reassuring because lately i’ve been struggling with paranoia (i won’t talk in deep here because its another topic) and i feel like i’m unconsciously attracting bad energies/entities because of my nonsense fears and anxieties. so thank you so much really, i mean it, i’m actually already feeling better.

anyway, i joke and stuff but i really do appreciate all the kind words you always say to me. i don’t have many friends (and the few i have are only online like you) so it means a lot to me to talk and know someone with this kind of positive energy.

#reality shifting #shifting #shifting realities #desired reality #shifted

[breestanaccount]

So i watched the new spiderman movie (like a week ago lolll) and i am finally over it enough to share my toughts so BUCKLE INNN

first of: my baby boy MILES MORALES WHOOP WHOOP

Look at him and tell me he isn't the best. You cant. Ik you cant bc Miles is the best and he needs a damn break man. He is just a kid, like?? He's literally my age (15, i think) and he hit SO close to home in EVERYTHING for me. His jokes, his relationship with his parents, his feelings EVERYTHING. I am very passionate about him. And like, i get it that he shouldn't stop canon events but thats his father that we're talking about. And you can see that miles adores his parents. And given his personality he obviously can't stand back. And miguel had no business saying all that (i'll have more to say about that so bare with me please🙏)

In conclusion: if you don't like miles i do not trust you

NEXT: my girl (who y'all hate 2 much on) GWEN STACYY

She beautiful😻😻.

ANYWAY

the hate she gets is ATROCIOUS. I understand the whole "she betrayed miles" but did she not get a whole group of spider ppl to HELP miles?? Or did y'all skip over that part? What's crazy is the fact y'all hate on gwen and i haven't heard a word abt peter or miguel? Y'all biased as hell!!! She's just 16 and she went through a lot too. And she obviously cares for Miles. All thr hate she's getting is concerning and i will defend her w my life. Miles has all the right to feel betrayed though, I won't argue against that cuz i can't. Ofc, everyone has different opinions, but I feel like she wouldn't get half the hate if she were a man (which is that case with miguel, but i'll get to that, pls don't kill me cuz ik a lot of y'all love him)

CONCLUSION: we love gwen here.

NOWWW ALL YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FORRR (bc ik some of y'all wanna end me rn #iattackedurfave): MIGUEL O'HARA BABYYYYY

He's handsome i won't lie to you, but not rlly my type now let's get into it.

I don't think what he did is right. The way he handled that situation is just wrong, in my opinion. And so many ppl excuse that bc he's 1) hot (which is the case in so many other fandoms, with ppl bashing female characters while uplifting male characters for th same actions) and 2) bc of his trauma. But, heads up, trauma is and never will be an excuse. Trauma is an EXPLANATION. There is a very big difference. He went through something traumatizing and that is awful, but he didn't try to understand miles. Like i said, miles is 15. And i get that miguel was just trying to protect the universes, I understand that. But when he was calling Miles a mistake, that he never should have been bitten by that spider, acting as if it was MILES'S fault?? Not the best way to handle that, which, again, trauma. Not an excuse, but an explenation for his actions. I can't find myself to rlly like him just now. Maybe in the next movie. I can't just like a character bc they r hot. And I know this will make some ppl mad, but AT LEAST try to look at this from my point of view, and at least try to understand why i don't like Miguel. If y'all like him, that's fine. But my boy miles deserved better.

Still, I think Miguel is an intresting character with so much room to grow and I really hope to see that.

CONCLUSION: idk. Maybe you noticed i am mixed abt him

NEXT. HOBIE MF BROWNNNNNN

Here's a pic😻🙏

Here's another pic and let's get into ITT

Hobie might be the coolest, and kindest and best character. I don't think he has done a bad thing in that whole movie. He helped miles, he helped gwen and by helping gwen he helped miles AGAIN. I love his vibe, too. His relationship with miles is perfect, like brothers. And his friendship with gwen is adorable, they r similar with similar intrests if you think abt it and i do hope we get to see him again in the next movie, maybe get a little more on him and his backstory, maybe his canon event(?). He's a beauty, what can i say💕💕

CONCLUSIONN: i love him ur honor

NEXT: PAVITR PRABHAKAR

Look at this cutie. Tell me he isn't a lil pookie cutie and that he wouldn't give the best hugs.

Given his personality, it makes sense that he's 13-14 but damn given his looks i would think he's 16 (which means he gets the prize for not looking your age since he had half the fandom fooled).

The edits i've seen of him r the best and the "Chai tea scene" was so funny, btw.

CONCLUSION: he's 10/10 if you don't like him or think he's "annoying" i don't trust you.

HONORARY MENTIONS: JESS😜😜😻😻😍😍

she did all that pregnant u got to give it to her that she's good as hell. In my opinion she might be the strongest. Love my girl🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️

And that's abt all. Ik there r so many different characters i can talk about but those r the ones that stood up to me the most. Pls don't kill me abt my opinion on Miguel, but different ppl have different opinions, y'know? I don't like characters just cuz they fine, thats just a bonus☝️ hope y'all liked this shit of me goofing along, and if anyone wishes to share their thoughts they r most welcome to!

I am kinda nervous to post this since i hate arguing with ppl on my opinions, but at the same time i am very stubborn and i am very passionate abt my opinions so these two but heads a LOT. But i will be getting over my fear with this and i did come to the conclusion that y'all won't eat me alive so yeah

Bye lovies💕

#miles molares #gwen stacy #miles x gwen #miguel o'hara #hobie brown #pavitr prabhakar #jess atsv #across the spiderverse #atsv #my thoughts

[tealcaste]

so new cookie run update is rlly cool.... i noticed the silly little heart thingies that the new update has and decided. to give lico onr of then and. man.

also he has. a diff quote in his aberrant conjurer costume

i kinda find it. interesting in his regular outfit he's way. more declining of the giftcompared to his aberrant conjurer one?? if that makes sense?? idk i just.

!

uhh cutoff is more rambling i think

(has not been proofeead so it may. just be a mess AUGH)

ok this is going to be my. view but feel free tobsyare ur view on this cuz. idk i like listening to other people's interperetation :3

personally him in the 1st image does. sort of make sense for him?? considering how when he was younger he didnt get a lot of recognition and stuff so he was so deprived of recognition to the point he just. startef to like decline any gifts given to him?? orlike he gives it to his licorice servants (UNLESS if its the gifts that he likes then hell accept it ofc dur to the diff dialouge but were going on for this general-gift wise)

so personally i think this also comes to affection as well. sort of. cuz if he never had any recognition then its logical that he never recieved any affection or care whilst groeing up too so. he declines it cuz hes. not used to it and also cuz i feel like. he doesn't want to recieve affection of any sorts?? if i recall correctly from what i remember abt his dialogue he tends to say how he can do everything by himself, and how "he doesn't need friends". and stuff like that. (the i dont need friends part was mentioned in the cookie debate event)

ANWYAYS before i lose focus on what i was going on abt originally due to his mindset usually making him believe he doesnt need anyone else heavilt affects his view of affection?? sort of?? i think he. tends to see it as a useless thing, and that he doesn't need it at all, considering how he practically grew up with.. ANY. so it makes sense for lico to push away any affection or like. gifts and stuff and aaaAAAAAA

i also believe that he also pushes it all away is cuz hes. not used to it?? like at all?? so he doesn't rlly know how to react to receiving it at alland his mindset of him needing no one just. plays a part possibly ok this probably doesnt make sense fUVK

if i repeated stuff like millions of tine we dont talk abt that im half alseep whilst weiting this ok broken heart emoji

i would write more abt this but my motivation has been down the drain for WEEKS so i apologize for not rlly having any lico rambling essays recently AUGH

#cookie run #licorice cookie my beloved #licorice cookie #cookie run ovenbreak #crob #rambling abt licorice. aGAIN #erm so #yeah hi tumblr #im alive not dead #yahoo! #ill try post more maybe #if my motivation comes back

[rianafying]

had a rlly rough start to today. was up by 9:30 which is a decent time to wake up, considering my sleep schedule has been as over the place this week. i woke up to a text from someone i worked with recently pointing out a mistake i had made, and as awful as it initially made me feel, i gathered myself, apologised and explained the situation etc. i felt terrible, like i do when even the slightest thing goes wrong. i’m always anticipating failure anyway, and besides i knew about the mistake, it just that it’s mostly beyond my control. i have very limited resources. anyway, yeah they responded by saying this doesn’t affect us working together and that he’s more than interested in continuing to work with me, just that he thought it was important to discuss so we could have it in mind moving forward, which i really appreciate. but the part in me that loves to be anxious and think the worst of myself, is trying to take this opportunity to make me sink back into a spiral, but i know it’s not that deep, people make mistakes, and it has already been resolved. i don’t need to worry about it. worry is my worst enemy. even things that shouldn’t cause concern make me sweat from concern. i can’t take it easy i can’t sit back and relax, i live inside a personal hell. there is no rest from this madness. i need a fucking break. i’m exhausted. from the moment i wake up to crying myself to sleep and even in sleep i have nightmares everyday, i wake up exhausted from being anxious in my sleep all night. for the past few years i have been exhausted, i have been feeling like i’m going crazy. i am going crazy. oh god there’s so much stuff. i feel as if i will never see success in my career, i will never be independent, i will never recover from my past, i will never see peace and safety, i feel like i will spend my whole life worrying and grieving and suffering, even in my deathbed, i’ll be plagued with anxiety. and im so lonely, not in a i don’t have friends way, i do have amazing friends, but im lonely in the way that everyone is lonely sometimes. in the way that in this world we have ourselves. lonely in the way that nobody will know exactly what it’s like to live how i live, feel what i feel, or what i’m thinking. nobody will understand me the way i do, and i have to use my words to communicate it, to try to bridge the gap between language and reality, between the outside and my insides. and yet in a way, everything is the same, everyone who has ever lived has had feelings. i’m doing the best i can. everyone is. i guess. in their own twisted way. it’s too early to call anyone and i find that im very dishonest about my feelings via text as opposed to how vulnerable i am when im speaking over a call. i pretend to be happy and fine, for two reasons, 1) i try to fake it till i make it, 2) not to cause unnecessary trouble or concern.

i just got offered a gig on the 22nd, but it’ll be 42 degrees that day, i’ll actually die of a heatstroke because that studio doesn’t have air conditioning. i don’t know what to do. i know ill have a flare up but i hate not being able to go or having to turn down gigs.

okay wtf look at what the costar app just sent me:

that is so insane. co star is crazy for this fr. they always send me something so related to my day. jesus. almost makes you think astrology is real.

anyway yeah, so i have a lot to do but ill probably end up watching tv and buying unnecessary groceries today. which is honestly a perfectly normal thing to do when on holiday. i’ll try not to feel guilty about it.

#personal #journal entry

[hazbincalifornia]

(I’m pretty sure the way I type is recognizable but I need to like pretend at anonymity bc I feel. Remarkably silly about this)

I wanted to like idk rant to someone in the HB fandom who isn’t balls deep in the “anti proship” sphere bc like, I’ve been struggling w guilt over enjoying a certain ship that everyone hates and considers problematic (I think Loona and Octavia is rlly cute!) and I’d like to make content for it but I also rlly fear being seen as like a pedophile. Do u ever worry abt that kind of thing? And is there anyway ur able to get over it if u do? I don’t like getting into anti/anti anti discourse bc I feel like it’s a very reductive way to view and interpret media but I still have a crazy amount of worry/guilt

First off, it is still ridiculous to me that this is even a problem in this fandom. This is an adult show about characters in Hell, and the main characters are, respectively, assassins and the eclectic cast of the Hotel which includes a cannibal serial killer. (I am eternally both amused and completely baffled that like half the awful puritanical takes I see are from Val icons. Buddy. Pal. The fucked up fiction is coming from inside the house.) I saw waaaaay more fucked up shit on Zim nsfw twitter than I see on Hellaverse twitter and that show was Y7. Up your game, guys.

Personally, I don't really see Loona and Via as siblings/sisters as much as I think a lot of others do, more just friends (and honestly I think canon moved much too quickly to give them such a heartfelt scene together, they hadn't even met officially before that point?) so it's really only the age thing and even then, the plot of HB has seemed to imply that a fair amount of time has passed since the series started, probably around a year- so Via would be 18 or older by the time anything actually started anyway, especially if they became friends first. Setting aside the 'justification' though... they're not real. They're cute together, I agree, and I think you should be perfectly fine enjoying them just in the lens of 'they're similar, I like how they'd interact, and I think they're cute together'!

I was pretty much forged in my opinions about this from Invader Zim stuff, where people insisted that liking two characters that I'd liked together since I was thirteen made you a pedophile. Obviously, I could tell that wasn't true, because it had never been the case in all those years up to people starting to be bitchy about it in 2019. (Before that, it was that it was bad because it was enemies to lovers and, more importantly, gay. Great hater throne to inherit, guys!)

Unfortunately... as stupid as it is, this fandom is way more puritanical than it should be, so it wouldn't be wrong to engage through anonymity to protect yourself. Find the people in the tag who are using 'proship/proship interact' or something along those lines (I've seen a few, although some tend to lean more on hard/dead dove content), post on ao3 into the anonymous collection which removes your name, make a tumblr sideblog that doesn't connect to your main, find fellow shippers and interact with them specifically. Do whatever you need to do to keep yourself safe from people who can't understand that thinking something is cute or interesting to explore in fiction is automatically bad just because they don't like it. The more stuff that's put out there about the ship, the more likely you are to find kindred spirits, that's honestly part of how I gathered my mpreg weirdos to me in both this fandom and the last.

I'm pretty sure that the callout I got for Sunny was why several mutuals who were a friend group unfollowed (and likely muted) me on twitter. Unfortunately, it left me worrying that the other shoe was going to drop any day for about a week because it got just enough notes to make me worry but not enough to get to anyone with any real reach to spread and get it 'over with'.

At this point, I've sort of reached a state of 'fuck it', because if it happens, it happens. I know that I'm fine, and the people I genuinely care about know that too. I know that what I'm making is entirely separate from my morals as a person, if not from how dumb the IZ stuff was than from the fact that I was an English major. Literature is full of stuff that authors don't make as a 1:1 with their real-life morals! And the one you're thinking about isn't 'bad' comparatively at all.

I think the fandom is starting to see that being a dick about fictional content is bad through the backlash to Poison and 'hey, maybe telling somebody that they need to detail their trauma to the public to make fiction is bad?', but it seems to mostly be centered on dub/noncon, so I wouldn't necessarily hold my breath.

At the end of the day though, remember this: You, as a person, are completely fine, no matter what others might think. Octavia and Loona would probably be seen as a totally normal ship like ten years ago (except for people who'd be dicks about them being gay) and there is no judgement to be made on your character in any reasonable way for thinking they're a good ship. You're not a pedophile for thinking a fictional owl and hellhound look cute together, any more than I was for smacking together two Nicktoon characters, and frankly the IZ argument held slightly more water than 'the almost-18-year-old and the 22-year-old' because Zim's age was so ambigious. Try explaining this 'people think the young adult animals holding hands are bad' to any adult who isn't sucked into fandom discourse and they'd probably be baffled that it's a problem.

I know that the guilty feelings aren't always rational and it took a bit of time for me to unwind how I felt about creating certain stuff too, but try to remember that above all else- exploring things in fiction has been a thing people have done for a very, very long time. What matters is your actions towards other real people, not what you do with fictional dolls.

If nothing else, if you want you can always send me a dm and chat that way, I'd be happy to talk.

#discourse #asks #anonymous

[literalite]

!!!NOT A WCIF!!!!

hiiii <3 big ask big answer is what i'm expecting would LOVE to know your top 5/faves across various media that are new(in release or just new to you) this year! so: shows, movies, games, books, songs/albums, new artists you've discovered etc

HI IMO 🫶 happy bday btwwww!!!!! heres my top five seven of this year in no particular order 😈

LAUREL HELL by mitski (2022)

one thing about me is that i LOVE mitski... i've been waiting for the new album ever since working for the knife dropped in 2021 and she did not disappoint literally so many of the songs were SO relatable and applicable to my life its safe to say she carried me thru early 2022... heat lightning and should've been me are my two fav songs from the album but literally the whole thing is no skips for me

EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE directed by daniel kwan and daniel scheinert (2022)

no bcos i walked into this movie hearing so many good things about it i was kind of worried ab it being underwhelming to my expectations But It Was Not. it made me bawl the first time i watched it highkey 🤭 something about the specific flavour of parental... disappointment?? love??? it was beautifully crafted and stephanie hsu's performance to me was unforgettable im probably going to go watch her entire portfolio ive watched the vid below like 10 times

MOB PSYCHO 100 from one and studio bones (2016-2022)

jort recommended this show to me and i finally bit the bullet and watched it in may... ITS SO BEAUTIFUL. IT JUST. clenches fist idkkk this show just is stunning on so many levels visually its my fav anime i think??? so many frames that will live in my head forever... also the nature of the narrative about Kindness without the like framework of whether its "deserved" or you're worthy of giving or receiving it really spoke to me. hats off to jort for this i'm rlly glad i got to start it while the show was airing

SMITHEREENS by joji (2022)

unfortunately i am genuinely a joji fan so i was super hyped for this album... he's got such a melancholy(?) tone to his music that rlly speaks to me i think if i seriously made music i would probably want to emulate that if even a little. my only criticism is i wished the album was longer HDKSHSK die for you and 1am freestyle r my favourite songs from it

NOPE directed by jordan peele (2022)

what hasn't already been said about this movie. IT'S SO GOOD. i love my horror movies but i will freely admit that like 80% of the films in the entire genre are just objectively Bad especially american made horror movies 🤭 jordan peele completely sidesteps that issue and nope has to be my fav of his works so far i think. it has layers like an onion i'm still thinking about it like months after watching it... mr peele already had a fan in me for life but this solidifies it

ANDOR created by tony gilroy (2022-?)

okay hear me out i know its star wars (👎) and thus my opinion on the franchise has generally been biased but this show literally knocked my ass into the water it was so unexpectedly good? and not good in a pitying oh at least x character from x series made a cameo NO the show like knew exactly what it was trying to say and said it beautifully. diego lunas performance was genuinely so moving i highly recommend everyone even if u havent watched star wars!! u dont need like all the context just watch a new hope and rogue one after the show? maybe

ICYMI by eden (2022)

finishing off with my personal fav artist of all tiiime 🥰🥰🥰 ive been literally obsessed with his music the second i found it so i was waiting patiently for this album for ages. no skip ass album i just fucking love his music it feels like im levitating it feels like my soul is being read. if i made music and it had even a sliver of this albums energy i'd die a happy man. i literally listened to nothing but it for like a week straight i think. my fav songs from it are balling and closer 2

#TYSM IMO i love talking so talk i goddamn will- #the fact that no books made it on here um 🤭 in my anti intellectualism era ig IDK okay nothing rlly spoke to me this year... #night sky with exit wounds by ocean vuong almost got on here but i capped it at 7 because its my fav number #and also i havent like finished processing it either i need a month for that HAHAH #ask #reply #cheesehair

[deidaratheartboi]

T or D Wars PT 1

Sakamaki Group Chat Ayato: Who's up for a game of truth or dare?? Shu: No. Reiji: Why would we even play? What would be the point of this? Ayato: For fun? Duh. Reiji: Not a valid reason Kanato: This is why you have no maidens. Laito: Legit. Reiji: Whatever. Subaru: The last time we played this game, you dared me to jump off the roof. Ayato: Are you dead? Subaru: Not the point. Ayato: Are you dead? Subaru: Still not the point. Ayato: Are you dead?! Subaru: .....no Ayato: Exactly. Let's play. Reiji: Even if we do play this game what order do we go in? Ayato: Simple. I'll start. Then Laito, Kanato, Reiji, Subaru, and Shu. Kanato: Ironic how the oldest is last. Shu: I didn't even agree to this. Ayato: Moving on! I dare Reiji to talk in caps for this entire convo. Reiji: Not too bad. Ayato: Without using proper punctuation and grammar! Reiji: You absolute menace. Ayato: I'm sorry did you say something? Reiji: I FREKING HATE U Ayato: Hah. Good. Your turn Laito. Laito: Oh very good. Kanato is it true you used my jacket to clean the mess you made in the kitchen attemping to make that mega giant cake of yours that failed. Kanato: I will neither confirm on deny the statement. Ayato: Don't be like that. New rule! Anyone who doesn't do the dare/truth will be condemned to the basement. Subaru: That's not too bad. Ayato: Without wifi acess Subaru: Damn you! Kanato: Fine! But it was Teddy's idea. Reiji: Really? Ayato: Ahem. Reiji: RLLY?? Laito: Alright. Then I don't feel bad about using Teddy as a tennis ball. Kanato: You did what?! Shu: How tf does that even work? Ayato: Kanato you're up. Kanato: I dare Laito to burn his jacket. Laito: WHAT?? Ayato: Ooooooo

Laito: That's petty as hell! Kanato: Oh well. Ayato: Do it. Or else. Laito: I won't! I refuse to bend down to his whims. Ayato: To the basement with you!

Laito has been kicked from the chat. Reiji: Oh well. Ayato: One more time and you're out. Reiji: OH WHALE Ayato: Luckily you're up next. Shu: You guys know you've been playing it wrong right? You're suppose to ask the person in question whether they want truth or dare. You guys have been playing wrong this entire time. Reiji: NO SHIAT Ayato: Fine. We'll play right. Reiji: AYATO T OR D? Ayato: I'm feeling lucky so why not D? Reiji: I DARE YOU TOO STAP THIS GAME Ayato: New rule. You can't dare anyone to stop, pause, or terminate the game. Reiji: NOT FAIR Subaru: Eh. Ayato: Try again. Reiji: I DARE U TOO THROW YOUR TAKOYAKI IN DAH TRASH Ayato: Ayo? Calm down Reiji. Reiji: NEVER Ayato: Fine... Ayato: I did it. Shu: Cap Ayato: STFU. Next!

Subaru: My turn I guess... Shu t or d Shu: None. Ayato: Stop being a party pooper and pick one. Shu: Ugh. I guess dare. Don't feel like doing anything though. Suabru: Do a Reiji impression for this entire game. Shu: Eh? Why would I? Ayato: Basement. Wifi. Music. Shu: MP3 players don't need wifi. Ayato: Subaru will be your butler for a week. Subaru: Did you just sell me off? Ayato: Sorry not sorry Shu: Fine Reiji: Y??? Shu:  You should really learn to use correct punctuation and grammar, Reiji. It's pathetic that you can't even do that. Reiji: GRRRRRRRRRRRRR Shu: Are you a dog? Stop acting like one. Ayato: HAH. Shu: I'm going to enjoy this. Ayato: Alright back to me! Kanato truth or dare? Kanato: Dare. I got screwed over last time. Ayato: I dare you to toss your sweets out the window. Kanato: Does your insanity know no bounds? Ayato: Do it! Kanato: 😭 Kanato: It's done. 😭 Shu: Was that wise, seeing as the next turn is his? That was a terrible move, Ayato.  Ayato: STFU Kanato: Ayato truth ot dare! Ayato: Dare. Kanato: I dare you to bring Laito back! Ayato: WHAT?? Kanato: DO IT NOW! Ayato: FINE Laito has entered the chat.

Laito: I have returned to the world of the living. Or in this case dead. Everything seems so new and puzzling. How shall I navigate this strange new land? Woe is me! Shu: How dramatic. Kanato: Can I have a word Laito and Reiji. Reiji: SHURE Laito: Of course young lad. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------The Three Stooges Group Chat Laito: Whom are "The Three Stooges? Reiji: YUH Kanato: You don't have to talk like that here dumbass. Reiji. Oh. Why did you make this group chat? Kanato: I want an alliance! Ayato has been running our names through the mud. He's been messing and taunting us this entire time. Laito: So you want us to unite and defeat a common enemy? Kanato: Yes. But why stop at him? The others will have to go as well. Reiji: And, how will we do this? \Kanato: Every chance you get pick Ayato or Shu. or Subaru. Reiji: Why Subaru? He's been rather neautral. Kanato: He told Shu to act like you. And, how has that been working out for ya? Reiji: Fair enough Kanato: Our first target is going to be Subaru. He as strong as the others. Take out the weak links. Laito: You sound like a General, Kanato. Kanato: That's General Kanato to you maggot.

#ayato sakamaki #laito sakamaki #diabolik lovers kanato #shu sakamaki headcanon #reiji diabolik lovers #subaru sakamaki #truth or dare

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

ok so I always thought shin was a huge part of the story due to the fact that if he was still alive he could cancel out 99% of the stories and arcs

hell, everything would end out differently so in my opinion as flabbergasting as it is, I think Shin being the second timeleaper makes sense.

He truly has been a rlly important character with little known about him.

Yeah I think it does make sense, everything kind of links back to Shinichiro and things would definitely be a lot different if he were alive/around for the events.

I think the main reason everyone freaked out last week was because we still have a lot of questions which need answering and because we got bigger time leaper vibes from other characters. Personally I don't think that makes the Shinichiro reveal bad, especially since the story isn't over yet. We just have to wait and see if/ how our questions get answered.

#tokyo revengers #tokrev #tokyo rev #tokyo revengers spoilers

[sunflower-cathedral]

I wanna quickly apologize for barely posting any art.

Long story short my health has gone 📉 down into the depths of hell (heart problems, stomach problems etc).

I've been working hard to get some art going! But it's been really difficult. That and it's hard to draw in e.r.. because I've been in and out of e.r for over a week (thankfully these past 4ish days have been pretty calm).

So I'm rlly sorry theres been a lack of art atm :'). I'm also really self conscious of the art I have finished (the recent LiLsmp cleo drawing for example). I feel like it's gotten a lot worse than how my art used to be, and that's an additional thing I'm personally trying to work on and accept that it's okay if my art needs more improvement to get back to where it once was.

#personal #kind of vent ish i guess? #health problems suck #heart attack symptoms constantly also really suck #its been a rough 2 or 3 weeks #ive lost track of time tbh

[mist-sterious]

you mentioned how things can induce dysphoria even if you enjoy it and oml I can vouch so hard. I enjoy my body, I like it! But it causes intense dysphoria. Singing gives me dysphoria cause the way I know to sing doesn't allow me to use my chest voice. Fashion, makeup, hygiene, stuffed animals, all of them give me dysphoria and I love all of them so much. Hell I even like being called a girlfriend but it gives me dysphoria when people other than my partner say it. Basically I really liked your statement on that

aaa tysm for sharing!! dysphoria can rlly creep its way into things you enjoy and necessities like self care and maintaining relationships :[

the girlfriend label part really shines a light on how dysphoria can often be about how others perceive and interact with you. you can trust that your partner sees you as your gender identity even when calling you "girlfriend" but you cant guarantee other people will, so it causes discomfort.

there are certain things i love greatly but can only do in complete privacy due to dysphoria. its like having a huge forest surrounding myself. some people are allowed into the innermost garden where i keep my true shameless self, some people must stick to certain trails ive laid out, and some people arent allowed to enter at all. (i wanna coin the term "dysphoria forest" or "dysphorest" now to describe this system of gender related boundaries we have XD)

i remember when a trans person made a guide on body language and how its gendered by society a while back. they werent saying "if you sit like this, youre a girl" they were saying "this way of sitting is often regarded as feminine" and so many people attacked them for it. shapes, smells, colors, foods, literally almost everything has arbitrary gender roles assigned to them. understanding them down to the nitty gritty can help some people "pass" as much as they feel the need to and sometimes its literally a matter of being safe or unsafe.

recently this week a member of my family has been insulting me for not getting into the car "like a lady" (apparently i crawl in like a creature :P ) , ive been scolded multiple times during my childhood for tying my shoes "like a boy" (??), and i straight up refuse to use the nonbinary label for myself because a girl in highschool asked me my gender (i thought i was cis at the time) then proceeded to reject my answer and said she feels like im nonbinary because of my hair length (THE AUDACITY??) + because so many cis and trans ppl have been forcing nonbinary into a gender trinary with male and female.

remember that youre not a bad person by acknowledging certain things will make society view you in certain ways. we have to be aware of these issues before we can solve them. i hope someday we are all allowed to do what we love without society misgendering us for it. <3

#trans #transmasc #ftm #trans male #trans man #nonbinary #gender #gender roles #gender nonconforming #dysphoria #dysphoria forest #dysphorest #transgender #trans rights #thanks for the ask! #lgbt #transmasculine #trans men #trans guy

[tfw-no-tennis]

one piece live blog hrmmmmm

why hello its me LJ starting another liveblog. yayyyyyyy i love liveblogging lol. so ive been wanting to do this one for ages - the one piece manga! im starting at zou bc i wanna catch up, then i plan to go back and read from thriller bark on. lets hope I get there!

I have read most of this already (I was last caught up to the end of act 1 of wano) so there will probably be spoilers scatter through, for now...

So i started w/chapter 803. here goes!

robin thinking the dragon drawing is cute awww

revolutionaries wwwwwwwwwwwwwww

dragon asking about robin awww <3

DRAGON NOT ASKING ABT LUFFY BHVJDSKFBJSKHDFBJKH

dragon: luffy who???

still thinking abt the person on reddit who posited that blackbeard is actually 3 guys in a coat and thats why he can have multiple devil fruits and also thats why his flag has 3 skulls. mans might be onto st

uh ohhhh the revolutionaries have been busted 😬

BUGGY OH MY GOD

buggy having like. a pirate temp agency. hhhhhhhhhakjdhsfsjkjdfjkjl

ok but buggy failing upwards is always so funnyyyyy pleaseeee

I admire buggy for sticking to the clown theme. can't quit the bit

also him pretending to be Large is hilarious

luffy usopp law and zoro all being like NINJA???? 👀 I love it

okaaaaaaay onto 804:

AUGHHHHH not the ASL bros playing baseball cover 😭😭😭 mannnn I wasn't ready 😭

the coordinated strawhat dodge lmao

hvbahdjkfbsjhdf kanjuro and kin'emon fucking around back there and getting knocked off lmfaoooooo

robin with the morbidity hvbhjadfjbaksjf love her sm

them being like ehhhh should we get those guys or just leave them? they're fine lets just go. hvaikdfbjksdf

oh my goddd everyone getting so invested in the dragon's struggle. plssss

LMFAO NOOOO HE DIED ??!?!

zoro and law being lame hvabdjkfbsjdkf

I love sm that luffy and usopp are always wow'd by everything new and cool that they see and that they always share that awwww

godddddddddddd I forgot the official scans call him zolo. SOOOO cursed

in my head zolo is just the OC ruth and I made up; zoro's twin brother on wano who is heterosexual, doesn't really care about swords, and has a great sense of direction. we're so funny

oh shitttt is that carrot???

usopp being so stressed all the time makes sense if u think about one piece's crazy condensed timeline...like they Really were getting into a new insane fight every single week with no pause

CARROT JUKES

still mad that she got sidelined back to zou later in the manga :| I'll talk abt that more later I'm sure lol

ooomg wanda showing up w/nami's clothes on. hello. not kidding when I say that nami is a lesbian w/the most game ever she legit has a gf on every island

usopp being like 'a talking animal!?' how long have u known chopper my dude

omg at this point in time naruto had just ended 😳 crazy for one piece zou was a while ago at this point but naruto has been over...one piece rlly won that huh

oda saying 'kishimoto has escaped the hell of weekly serialization' bruh somebody needs to unionize these mangaka. fr.

okayyyyy 805!

usopp being worried for nami awwh

robin 'perhaps they eat people.' hbvhajdfbjksdfbhksja love her

oh my god so many implications that the other straw hats are dead lmao

lmao god law just casually being like 'yea I never expected to see my crew again' bc he was planning to die in dressrosa...

bepo oooobh show me bepo

THER HE ISSSS BEPO MOMENT

luffy immediately getting into a fight lmao

oooobh I love carrot she's so cute why did she have to get booted from the story :( boo hiss

of course luffy actually remembers bepo bc he's a talking bear and that's COOL

law's crew missed him sm awwwwwwwww that makes it extra sad that he was planning to die yeesh

oh shitttt they all missed some drama

806!!

omgggg the cover story w luffys village awwwhhhh dadan and makino and her shanks babyyyyy also is she wearing a wedding ring?? are she and shanks married????

kin'emon and kanjuro shenanigans lmao are they ever gonna make it up the elephant

bruh that's so cool how the elephant spraying water on itself sustains the minks on zou ooooooooommh I love the creative ways that the one piece world works

carrot just randomly biting luffy...mood

aight WHO was getting crucified.

yall gave zoro directions to somewhere???? is anyone seeing the problem here lmao

'chambres' lmfao the translations...french ass sounding law

usopp hiding behind zoro and puppeteering his arm hhhhhh I love them

NAMIIIII my fav

omg I forgot abt the pineapple houses. SO cool

reunion!!!! :D

ohhhh my god the sanji cliffhanger. yessss so juicy fuck yeah

honestly I am soooo pumped to read whole cake again lol that was the first one piece arc I read since that's what was coming out when I got into one piece in 2018 and it slapssssss. also I'm really excited to read the rest of wano, especially now that it's over, and to catch up and hopefully read weekly like I do w/CSM. yayyyy

#LJ reads one piece #new liveblog who's shocked not me

[cybernightwanderer]

Give and take.

First of all, she changed the trash baggs into reciclable baggs, so thats pretty obvious my brother isnt gonna take out the trash anymore, because it means hell have to wash the baggs, and i know my brother, hes gonna refuse with all his soul.. and knowing her, shes gonna let him and turn it to me... So not only i wash everybodies dishes, i take all the trash, clean and now aparently im gonna have to cook for all, because she has been becoming really passive agressive because i dont cook for them...

So this week i got covid, and the first 4 days i was in bed with a really bad fever. My mom called the doctor for me the first 2 days and went out to buy the medicine for me, and even washed the dishes on the first 3 days. Ofc now i have to pay for those actions, because nothing comes from her as actual mom duty. But more like she gave me something now i have to pay, and this is how. So im back to washing the dishes wich is fine, i still have a bad cought and headachas but thats all. So yesterday i woke up, she turns to me and says " oh can you go and buy me a chicken for lunch, i dont feel so good ", so i proceed to ask her what shes feeling, she goes on rambling but says pretty much nothing concrete, just " doesnt feel well ". I put on my mask and i go out to buy the chicken, now this is the first time i left the house since i caught covid, and even tho im almost healed, i am still defnatly not healed. My head started hurting rlly bad outside, and having a mask, with strong caught and a very dry nose i ocassionaly started suffocating in the midle of the street, and had a really bad cough attack inside the butcher shot... not very pleasent.. but all is good, mission acomplish, i got the chicken and went back home. After this the cought was worse the rest of the day, non stop, and very agressive cought. She spends the day laying down in the couch, " oh can you cook me this ", " can you take out the trash ", " can you grab me that ".... And i do those things, just so she doesnt go on her rage mode. I tell her to take a stomach medicine or a paracetamol since she isnt feeling well, and again , she doesnt take anything or call the doctors... as if she wants to get sick on purpose or something.. She says she feels sick in her stomach, she eats a stake and immediatly lays down, i tell her if shes sick in the stomach and lays down right after eating it will get worse, she doesnt listen and still does it, and this goes on and on. At night again, does the same shit. Today i woke up to them laughing about it, my mother and brothers. My brothers comments : so you are really hopping to get sick. And she replies : i am i am. And they both laugh. I only caught this part of the conversation i mean, they were right in front of my door speaking, it was 9 am and i had just woken up with all the noise they were making. I get up and go to the living room, now shes sitting on the couch " not feeling well ", and again " go take out the trash " , " put away the dishes " , " go here and buy this this and this , then you go here and you buy this, and i also need this, and that from there and so on "... Usualy when id get sick, i would always take care of my own shit , or even hide being sick because she would get really weird about it, or doubt that im actualy sick, like the other day she admitted that she didnt believe i had a fever. I found that she was coming into my room at 3-5 am to check my temperature because she thought i was faking the fever... LIKE , everytime i mesured my fever id show her... wtf. But anyways, i mean with this fever it was impossible to get anything done, i got so cold , that the cold would feel like pain spikes at some point, it was really weird... Even when i get covid shes the exact same old shit of a person... I just wanna get out of here.

#depression #suicide #anxiety #abuse #trauma #domestic violence #domestic abuse #toxic family

[oqal]

Girl how’re you feeling today?

ugh just defeated soooo much

my car didn’t start up again today so i called my coworker and told him i couldn’t come in as i had no other source of transportation (scared of ubers lowkey bc i’m a woman tbh) and he was like yeah no worries i got you

so, after an hour of trying to figure out whats wrong w my car myself (like checking if the battery wires were secured and the alternator would fire) for like an hour, my manager (not boss manager of the store) said if i don’t go into my shift today, i won’t have anymore shifts again or my hours cut in half (40 to 20–like i don’t have bills??) so i go in, clean myself of the oil n shit, then be driven by my roommate to my job. we open at 10, i got there at 10:30 instead of 9 am as scheduled. not a huge deal right?

so i go in anyways, already stressed about my car, and even though the store has been open for an hour and a fucking half, coworker did literally none of the inventory. even when it was dead asf and i was an hour and a half late. which is a huge fucking list of all of our products and how much we have. there’s three inventories you have to complete by 10:30. he didn’t even do one!! it took me forever because we have a billion new products!!!! he WAITED for someone to show up so he didn’t have to. so. proves my point that men are fucking useless and why that store is a fucking disorganized mess i have to organize all the fucking time

schedule gets released and instead of the usual 40, it’s fucking 21. and i was like oh FUCK no. so i confronted bossman via text and said “this is not a liveable schedule for me i have bills and this is my only source of income, and we agreed on 40, and despite EVERYTHING, i still showed up today. what the fuck is this.” (i am very brave and it was in a more polite way) so he’s put on the spot, promises me more hours the following week and gave me an extra shift, bumping it up to 28. but it’s still like?? bruh i’m GETTING MY CAR FIXED FOR THIS JOB AND THAT COSTS MONEY AND YOU GIVE ME LESS HOURS TO RUB SALT IN THE FUCKING WOUND?? HELL TF NO

finances give me so much stress and my family sucks and my job threatened 86ing me, and my car is acting wonky. i am a busy person who travels a lot for work and if i don’t have a car then i just freak out and spiral so much. but finances are truly my number one stressor ;;;; i go into anxiety attacks and did at least twice today

luckily everything is planned out now. i’m borrowing my mom’s car for the weekend, my sister will follow me to the dealership so if it is the alternator, i can get that fixed for free as it’s still under warranty, and then she’s going to help me run my necessary errands i need to complete

its like. just. god. can i get a fucking break. (not an actual break, give me what we agreed on and also EVERY DAY SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS)

it’s like. to make up for the money income, i could do commissions of either art or fic, but i’m…. not rlly that good yet lolol. time to start selling my other drugs 🙄🙄 (/j)

#asks #sorry needed to vent #i’m slowly losing my mind

[not-me-simping-for-blasty]

another helping of living w/ bakugou thoughts:

pls i am so sorry, i feel like i bombard y’all with these constantly, but u don’t understand, he literally lives in my brain full time

- if you’re rolling your sleeves up, to wash your hands before dinner, he’ll whack your hands away and do it himself. very much “you’re takin’ too long, idiot. i wanna eat already. let me do it.”,, don’t be fooled tho, you could do it in 2.5 seconds and he’d still open his mouth. bc it has absolutely nothing to do with u and everything to do with him wanting to be close to you

-ik he watches the mha equivalent of the history channel. i just know it. dude is a grandpa at heart, n im so confident he would 100% sit down and watch a 3 hr docu on like, old weaponry or some nerdy shit

-bakugou is annoyingly arrogant, but only about things that don’t matter. like, he’ll fully sit in front of you and tell you he’s stronger/faster/smarter in passing conversation,, but when he does actually impressive shit??? the man clams up. absolutely clams up the second you praise him, trying to brush off whatever ridiculous feat he just pulled to protect u with a “It’s not that big a deal, shut up about it already, dumbass.” 

- pls mans is an absolute simp. u ask him to do something and he’s on his feet in a second. ofc he’s complaining but he’s also then following that up by doing things you didn’t even ask him to do. fan behavior honestly.

-when you’ve had a bad day, he’ll make u food and throw blankets in the dryer for u. don’t expect much verbal comforting from him, bc obviously, but he’s pretty good with actions. you always feel a little warmer after he’s wrapped you in a blanket n fed you something ungodly spicy

- i have absolutely no basis for this but ik he secretly watches kids movies. like, if it’s animated then he’s there. ofc no one is allowed to find out about this ‘embarrassing’ behavior tho, except maybe you. maybe. if you accidentally happen to see it bc he’d never tell u himself.

- he’s a beast to wake up in the morning, but he’s a lot more easy to convince if u pet his hair. or rub his back/shoulders. maybe even kiss his neck. look, u cannot tell me that he doesn’t want to be absolutely coddled in the morning- especially when he can get away with it so easily. 

-bakugou always pulls ur legs into his lap if u sit down next to him. pls he’s so weird, he’ll just like, tap his fingers on ur calves absentmindedly while he’s watching tv

-he probably created a playlist of songs ur ‘allowed’ to play around him. meaning, it’s only the songs on ur phone that he likes 🙄

-bakugou always takes his work phone calls outside. like if his phone rings he’ll just stand up n walk tf out the door to take it. even if it’s cold. u ask him once about it n he just “Work stays at work. This is my fuckin’ home. Now shut up about it already.”

-you’ve never once seen this man wearing socks around the house. don’t ask me, i cannot explain this whatsoever, but i just kno this man walks around constantly barefoot 🤢🤮 unfortunately.

-he’s like, the most functional person ever in almost every aspect, but the stuff katsuki is bad at?? pls he is hopelessly bad. like, lets say art stuff. omg he just doesnt have the patience for it, okay, so say goodbye to any dreams of cute lil couple’s crafts. like, he’ll sit there while u do yours, but his will look like utter shit

- during the week, katsuki is either at work, training, or at home. pls, he works so hard during the day that i highly doubt he’s anything but an absolute homebody during the work week.

- bakugou gets pissy if u re-arrange any of the furniture on a whim. pls he likes comfort and familiarity n if he stubs his toe on the stupid coffee table one more fucking time, he’s going to scream

-its a rare occurance,, especially bc of the crazy hours he works,, but bakugou rlly likes making dinner for u to come home to. he just likes to feel like he’s taking care of u tbh

-he still goes to bed at like 8:30. or thats what u think, but rlly he just goes to sit in your room and have some time to himself for a bit. as much as he loves u, he prob still needs some alone time to recharge

-bakugou takes meticulous care of any plants u have in the house. like he’ll water them on a strict-ass schedule, n preen them when necessary. pls the way he’ll curse them out if they even dare to wilt under his care?? very much “What the hell, you bitch? ‘m doin’ everything fuckin’ perfect! Grow already!”

-katsuki is such a little bitch when he’s sick. he’ll be running like a 103 temp, brain literally melting, and still trying to get up and work out. the only way u can get him to chill the hell out is if u take a nap with him. ofc that means u always get sick too,, but hey- lil sacrifices right??

-he never lets you get the door. like, if there’s a knock n neither of u knows who it could be,, pls he’s on his feet so fast. waving u away n looking thru the keyhole w/ sm suspicion

-he has his spot on the couch, n u will not find him sitting anywhere else. like, that’s his spot. u better pray for anybody who mistakenly takes it

-bakugou doesn’t like dirt or grime, so he won’t allow you or himself, to sit on your bed with clothes that have been outside. like, even if you’re just sitting on top of the covers, he’s gonna throw a fit and demand you change your clothes first bc “No way in hell am I gonna let your dumbass dirty up my bed.”

-katsuki rlly likes when it storms outside. he’ll go sit in front of the window and watch the rain, sipping on a warm drink while he waits for more thunder. 

-living with bakugou is incredibly frustrating, bc he’ll just show up with new skills all of the goddamn time. like you’ll be like, “hmm i’d love to remodel the bathroom someday”,, and the very next weekend bakugou is meticulously re-tiling the bathroom floor by hand, probably also painting the walls in a new color, maybe even installing a new sink just to spruce it up. n then he’ll just present the entirely new, upgraded room with such weird nonchalance that it pisses u off. pls and if you watch him while he does these little projects, with all the weird precision and skill he suddenly gains?? pls you’re sure he must be possessed by the ghost of a craftsman

- when he hangs out with the bakusquad, he’ll drag you along every time. he expects you to sit with him the entire time and act as a social buffer?? basically, someone’ll ask him a question, one he deems stupid and therefore not worth answering, and bakugou will just look at you expectantly. he’ll just stare at you blankly, hardly even blinking until you pick up the slack and answer for him. you call him out on this many times, but it doesn’t matter. it doesn’t change anything. he does this over and over and over again

-bakugou gets really unsettled when you guys fight. like, he can’t sleep and he’s snapping at everybody, and is somehow more aggressive than usual. he always wants to just make up already, but the pride in the way won’t allow it

-he’s a weird stickler about intended furniture functionality?? like, the table is for eating, and the couch is for watching tv, and then only way you’re gonna get him to mix the two is if you ask him rlly rlly nicely

-finally- i have no basis for this one, but ik it in my heart: bakugou has a very intense fight with your thermostat nearly every single day. he swears up and down that it never ‘behaves’ for him, but every time you check it, it’s working perfectly fine

--/-- 

ahahhaa sorry y’all for the super random spam today,, but here were are back to our regularly scheduled bakugou programming,,,, bc idk if it’s obvious ur honor, but i love him

#bnha bakugou #mha bakugou #bakugou katsuki #katsuki bakugou #bakugou x reader #bakugou x y/n #bakugou x self insert #bakugou hcs #bakugou headcannons #bakugou fluff #bnha fic #mha fic #mha headcannons #bnha headcannons

[donutbf]

ooh new blog, hi donut!! i love ur writing so far. having c!dream brain rot atm... maybe when dream breaks out of prison he visits reader and it’s just nice “i missed you” sex,,, headfull

also, 💌 anon perhaps ?

ahhhh, tysm! glad you enjoy it and its rlly nice than you decided to let me know what you think about my writing! <3

and like actually 80-90% of my simping is solely for c!dream so i gotta say, BIIIIIIG fucken same. the c!dream brain rot is deep and real. he’s godawful and i love him deeply. i watch him fuck things up im like <3 <3 <3 cute voice go brrrrrr

anyways there were a few different directions i could imagine for this scenario... 

like, either him roughly taking out all his pent-up frustrations on you, him being incredibly touchstarved all whiny and submissive - happy with anything you’ll give him, or it being uncharacteristically tender and loving.

you said ‘nice’ so i’m going w/ the third one. sorry if im barking up the wrong tree here!

edit: i wrote that intro before i wrote the piece itself and i meant for it to be tender and loving but its more like tender and angsty im-

oh! and psst- that emoji is so cute. great choice. you can indeed be 💌 anon! <3

(long NSFW elaboration under the cut. i uh. really went buck-fuckin-wild here. oh my god......)

sometimes people wonder whether or not there’s a person behind that smile.

that mask he’s never seen without. represented by a smile. a mockery of any true expression of joy.

he’s done so many awful things. he’s hurt people. badly. it’s what landed him in that godforsaken prison in the first place. everywhere he goes, he leaves behind an indelible scar.

they could call him a god, or a man with the makings of the devil - or a million other names that lie in between - but you know better.

you know him.

there is a living, breathing human behind that mask and you know him well. you know him with your hands and your lips and your tongue. you know his breath and you’d know him without sight.

you’d know him to the ends of the earth.

so when you find him on your doorstep in the middle of the night - hazy in the moonlight - a part of you distantly wonders if you’re still asleep. but the other part just knows. there’s no mistake. he’s here. 

your dream has come back to you, the way he always swore he would.

you’re not an idiot. you love him, but you could never believe blindly in him. you saw what he did. what he’s done. to agree with all of it... that’d make you naïve at best, a wild fanatic at worst.

even before all of… this, you had differing stances. your faith in him was always balanced. 

this is one thing you never doubted from this stubborn, broken fool before you. 

he’d always come back to you.

you reach out a hand towards him. you want to cradle his face, to make sure that he’s actually here in the flesh - because it doesn’t seem quite real yet - and he flinches reflexively. at this, your heart drops into the pit of your stomach. still, he lets you touch him.

ushering him inside, quickly, quickly, to the privacy of the house, you’re thankful for the isolation of your home and the solitude of the night. if anybody saw you right now, housing him… it just doesn’t bear thinking about.

“dream,” you murmur. you have so much you need to talk about, but right now, nothing else has to be said.

your thumb brushes against a new crack in the surface of his ever-smiling mask, almost split in two now.

he’s not smiling.

fingertips trace every bump and divot you know so well, before slowly taking it off and discarding it on the table behind you.

he looks like fucking hell. you’ve certainly known him to get into scrapes and fights, and even yelled at him for his carelessness before,,, but this? this is something else entirely.

it’s the result of weeks upon weeks of senseless beatings - underfed and unhealing - never given the time or space to regen.

you want to touch him all over, to hold him together in your hands like some fragile thing, but you’re so, so afraid that he might’ve already broken.

neither of you have even attempted to breach the silence yet.

you lead him by the hand to the bed. for rest, is what you think, but he stoops down to tuck his face into neck and inhales, deeply, his hands creeping lower down the front of your body. 

he breaks the silence first, deftly trading it for the quiet instead.

“please let me feel you...” his voice is barely a whisper, the sound a cracked, hoarse thing.

to touch another person kindly, after so long spent alone and in pain. to know that you’re still here, and that you haven’t left me. because i love you.

so many reasons and they all go unsaid.

still, you understand him.

clothes are peeled off and bodies are re-explored after so much time spent apart. his bare body’s on display in front of you, all long limbs and pale skin. what was previously smooth and soft now lays dry and cracked - marred with injury - before you.

his eyes won't meet yours. it's something he’s never done before in bed with you. another newly ingrained habit, like the flinch. 

you wonder if he’s ashamed right now; if he feels ugly before you, even. he wouldn’t care how he looks to anybody else, but it’s you. and that matters to him. (and the force of just how MUCH it matters terrifies him.)

malnourished and beaten half to death, you still couldn’t find him anything other than beautiful.

cupping his cheeks, you gently tilt his face up to yours, meeting his lips in a slow kiss. every movement of your lips against his is lazy but deliberate.

you touch him as gently as you can, trying to avoid brushing against the myriad of bruises peppering his skin, and cuts both old and new.

even with your efforts, at times you catch him slightly pained - when a touch makes him twitch and wince, sucking in a shallow breath behind gritted teeth.

though he tries his best to hide this - the same way he does in battle, to gain the upper hand - even he knows that he can't hide anything from you.

he preps you but you don't take as long as you maybe should. your movements may be slow and cautious, but you’re both desperate for each other, completely ravenous to feel each other. 

you sink down onto him and bite your lip at the feeling of him stuffing you full, stretching you open. god, its been so long.

and apparently, being inside you is what finally breaks the dam. he starts to cry, loudly. 

burning hot tears roll down his cheeks and his face goes ruddy with emotion as he starts to talk. his hips never stop pounding up into you.

the pace he sets is erratic, his thrusts stuttering much more than you’ve ever had with him before - the man you’ve always known to be so deliberate and ever in control - but it's all excusable. everything is so different now. what even is the new usual?

“god, i missed you so much. i sat in that cell and- and all i could think about was you. i felt like i was going insane, maybe i have- i thought you’d move on, that you’d leave me. fuck. fuck! i’m so fucked, i’m a mess, i’m bad, i don’t deserve you, i- i...” 

and he keeps going. he sounds like raw, jagged edges torn in two, his breaths hitching and his voice cracking open on almost every syllable. 

eventually the open sobs devolve into silent tears and the mindless, shaky repetition of your name. 

he holds your name in his mouth like its a precious thing, a word he doesn't deserve to say but chooses to say anyway.

he says it twenty times, thirty times, until it doesn't even sound like a word anymore. your name is on his lips when he cums.

physically sated and emotionally drained, you both sink into the bed together. all you can do is hold each other tight and try not to think about the magnitude of what you’ve done, and what tomorrow could possibly bring.

whatever happens - heaven or hell - at least you’ve had tonight. 

that will have to be enough.

#18+ #smut #drm #fanfic #fanfiction #dreamwastaken smut #dream x reader #dsmp x reader smut #mcyt x reader smut #dream smp x you #dream smp x reader #dream smp x y/n #dsmp x reader #💌 anon #i dont even know what this is #ask to tag #Anonymous