#to have some sort of queer representation that I connect with so well

[theflagscene]

The hand rubbing scene is the gayest sex scene GMMtv has ever had on screen, allow me to explain to you why.

Gifs by @wanderlust-in-my-soul 

Now I can’t speak as someone who is completely blind (obviously) but I can speak as someone who has been progressively losing their sight for the past 15 years - ironically enough from a car accident. Why hello Day, I see you! (pun intended) But I’m also a person who grew up HoH (hard of hearing) from the age of two years old onward, I had tubes put in my ears, wore hearing aids, the whole shebang. The chances of me actually regaining my ability to hear completely was very very slim, the fact that I did actually end up regaining some - not all - of my hearing by my late twenties was a damn shock to us all. The point being, when you are a person who’s lost one of your senses that you are used to having, your body starts to overcompensate.

Most everyone has heard/read/seen things about how removing one sense can lead to your other ones becoming stronger. There’s even been studies that show people born deaf or deafened at a very young age, that their brain starts to rewire itself to allow them to experience sound in a visual way, via touch. It’s sort of like how blind people learn to read braille in a way, the touch creates a picture in your mind allowing you to see the way that word looks and sounds and feels. Theres a whole bit in Scientific America you can check out if you want that breaks it down in layman terms without the writing acting like you’re stupid, which is always nice when it comes to medical jargon lol.

So my point that to Day, his sense of touch is not only in overdrive because it like much of the rest of his senses - smell seems to be a big one they’re leading with - are scambling to try and overcompensate for the sudden lack of sight that is getting worse as time passes. But because he had pulled away from basically the entire world post blindness setting in, spending the last year of his life in his room hardly interacting with anyone, his own mother and brother barely being allowed to touch him. That for Day, his sense of touch is absolutely frantic. Which is why it’s so important for Mhok to constantly place his hands on him, not only to help lead him back into the world but to allow Day to recognize him by touch alone. And it’s being shown that he is, Day already knows Mhok’s voice and it’s touched a bit on the way he smells (ciggs) but this last episode is really starting to show how the touch of people is starting to fully affect Day, especially when he’s out of the house and how Mhok is instantly recognized even though he always follows up his touch with a vocal confirmation that it is in fact him that is touching Day.

So that hand stroking scene, the way Mhok runs the pads of his fingers gently up the centre of Day’s palm, how he strokes the back of his hand like it’s a kitten. That right there could genuinely feel like sex to Day, if not sexual in manner at the very least. The fuzzy look Day gets in his eyes, going from blank, to blissful to bashful and then finally awkward. It wasn’t just because of the fact that the dude he lowkey is starting to have a crush on is rubbing his hand in what I’m seeing being called a ‘weirdly intimate way’. It’s because Day’s body and brain is reacting to that touch in a way that people with all five senses might not completely comprehend, imagine your most intense erogenous zone (btw the palms of the hands are occasionally considered one) now imagine if that intensity was ramped up by ten, or twenty or even fifty and then imagine that that erogenous zone was suddenly everywhere. The most innocuous part of your body could bring you the most incredible sensations, both sexual and emotional, that’s what Day is feeling.

Mhok, now Mhok, he’s not stupid. Far from it in fact, he’s clued in on that not only is Day queer but also that he has a bit of a crush on him. Mhok has also quickly adapted to how he needs to teach Day to see the world in a new way, hence all the touching and smelling and reinforcement that Day can in fact do things for himself, including asking for help when he needs it. So Mhok knew exactly what he was doing with the hand rubbing, sort of. Did he know the sensation would be heightened, my best bet is totally. But did he expect to have his reaction to it go beyond that of teasing? Given his own bashfulness, doubtful. When you’re dating someone with a loss of one or many senses, you tend to change your own preconceived notions of what intimacy with your partner is. For some people offering a foot rub to their partner is a clear come on, an offer for something to lead to more. But for a blind person, especially a newly blind person like Day. They use their hands to navigate their entire world - you literally read with your fingers - so a blind persons hands are basically their most important tools in a lot of ways. To have someone touch your hands with such care, such reverence, it’s not just intimate, it’s full on foreplay.

Mhok wasn’t just touching Day, he was touching Day. It was meant to be seen as intimate because it was intimate, so intimate, in a way I don’t think either Mhok nor Day were expecting it to be because neither had ever experienced something like that before. That scene was truly the beginning of their relationship shifting, that hand scene was kind of like their first kiss.

Gifs by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

#last twilight the series #mhokday #morkday #jimmysea #nontraditional intimacy #for real tho #JimmySea played that scene so freaking well #this entire show makes me happy #to have some sort of queer representation that I connect with so well #like Day I totally get you bb #also sorry for yanking your gifs Wanderlust #hope you don’t mind :)

[lurkingshan]

Semi-coherent screaming about Shadow eps 1-7

Well I love this show, goddamn! I did not expect to be so into this, as I am not a horror girlie at all, but here I am having binged all seven episodes in one sitting. The storytelling here is fantastic, with a compelling cast of characters, beautiful visuals, and themes around family trauma, the nature of forgiveness, and the damage caused by homophobia. I think there are a few other things going on here thematically that have not come all the way to the fore yet, but a few of the ideas I am thinking about most:

This show is, in fact, not a bl. By which I mean it is not a romance narrative. There are explicitly queer characters, there is a potential love line that’s essentially a D plot, and there may well be some kind of romantic climax later in the story, but the relationship between Dan and Nai is not the focus of the narrative and their potential romance does not drive the plot at all.

Instead, this is a story primarily about trauma, and intergenerational family trauma is the biggest focus alongside other forms that show up. Dan’s family trauma drives the narrative and is ostensibly the initial source of the shadow that haunts him (alongside whatever supernatural thing is happening to make it manifest in this particular way), and we see the traumas that have haunted Nai and Trin, as well.

I love Dan a lot and I was so goddamn happy when he refused to forgive his dad and instead beat him to a bloody pulp in his shadow dream. Hold that grudge, boo! We do not give out unearned forgiveness in this house!

Relatedly, Brother Anurak is on my shit list for pushing Dan to forgive his father and using his dead mother to do it. Fuck you very much, sir.

We are halfway through the show and Dan has not displayed any attraction or feelings beyond friendship for Nai. At this point I’m reading him as comphet with potential for a bisexual awakening, but he is definitely not knowingly queer at this point in his life (unless you count whatever he’s got going with the shadow). Dating anyone of any gender in his waking life seems to be the farthest thing from his mind. Nai, of course, very much knows he is gay and has suffered for it, and we see the themes around homophobia in both his and Trin’s backstories.

I am still wrapping my head around the shadow fucking Dan. Because, what??? It got introduced right toward the end of the available episodes so not sure what to make of it yet, but it adds a nice layer of complication to theories about exactly what the shadow is, and how it might have evolved over time as it stuck to Dan and he matured. It was also startling because outside those scenes there has been no sexual tension present in Dan’s story at all, in any direction. But he has gotten calmer about the shadow and its presence, almost seeming to even welcome it at times as it helps him sort through his memories. It’s clearly become a source of pleasure. Hmmm.

There must be some thematic tie between the sexual nature or Dan’s connection to the shadow and the “sexual deviance” shit we keep seeing directed at the gay characters. WKA speculated about the shadow as a representation of queerness and I can see some basis for that read.

I’m not sure yet exactly what the show is trying to say with Trin and his bipolar disorder. But we do know Dan’s shadow demon is being treated as sleep paralysis, so there could very well be something supernatural happening with Trin, too.

I was speculating with @wen-kexing-apologist about the meaning of Dan’s full name, Danai, being the same as the portmanteau for this show’s main pair (if we’d even call them that), Dan and Nai. They looked up the meaning and found that the name Danai was used in ancient cultures to signify bravery and a connection to higher powers. Just something to stew on!

All the teachers in this show are sus. The female teacher who is homophobic and fucking the school bully, obviously, but also every single one of them. I’ve got my eyes on you, creeps.

I am a big fan of Cha-aim and Josh. They’re nice kids and good friends and I hope they don’t turn evil or get hurt. But I don’t really care if they date.

The lighting in that scene with Dan wandering through the funhouse was sick. I’m going to be seeing it in my dreams. But who is that banshee guy wearing glasses!! Anan saw Trin, someone he wronged. So is glasses guy someone from Dan’s past that he harmed? Does the positioning of where we saw them each in the mirror (center or side panels) mean anything?

Overall, this is surprisingly not scary. I expected more of an explicit horror style with jump scares and maybe some gore, but there has been very little of that. The show generally plays fair and gives you warning cues when something creepy is about to happen. It’s going more for an ominous, haunting vibe than a scary one.

Do we know yet how the rest of this show is being distributed? Will it be weekly from here, or are they going to drop the second half in one go?

#shadow the series #thai drama #shan shouts into the void

[altruistic-meme]

Okay i was originally going to try to make a nice and neat little post about heartstopper and some of my thoughts, as well as a separate post about what i like about the comics vs. the tv show. 

Uh. So. I can’t actually corral my thoughts to be coherent enough for that, so here are some various assorted thoughts about it all instead <3 put under a cut bc it is long and rambley and a mess

[spoiler warning for the comics if you haven't read them]

Idk what it is, but I love comic Charlie a LOT. Like. A LOT a lot. There is just something about his character in the comics, his banter, the way he behaves that I love so much more in the comics than the show. I feel almost like the characters aren’t quite the same person, though I do love them both. I just connected so much more with comic Charlie.

Semi-related but I also feel like we get a much more clear picture of his OCD and the attached anxieties in the comics. 

HMMM okay or maybe not. Idk. I think maybe we can see more of Charlie’s OCD in the show through his desire to make everything easy and perfect for Nick, even when it hurts him too. 

He’s popular in the comics!!! It’s mentioned multiple times by other characters that Charlie is popular at school!!! And I think that’s actually a really interesting look at his character. He was bullied for most of y9 and yet the rugby lads think he’s a popular kid in y10. Despite this, we don’t actually see Charlie interacting with basically anyone but the other main characters, and I think that kind of reflects how Charlie views himself. On the way back from Paris, he asks Nick “does this mean I’m a cool kid now?” he doesn’t think people see him as cool but like I said, other characters have said he’s popular. They must have gotten that idea from SOMEWHERE right? But Charlie’s own poor self-esteem means he still doesn’t actually believe he’s cool or that people like him. I don’t know if there was a point to this rant but. Charlie is a popular boy.

I WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE KIDS WHO STOPPED THE BULLYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, in the comics Charlie really is a nerd in a way he isn’t in the show. He helps Nick with his math and yells at him for distracting him from his homework. I get why this change happened in the show–it gives us a better idea of the strained relationship that Charlie has with his mom while also showing us that his dad tries to support him but often fails–but I really like it in the comics because Nick calls him a nerd but it’s less obvious in the show how nerdy he really is. 

That said obviously I also ADORE getting to explore the other characters and their lives and everything in the show. I love getting to see more of them. (But I also love how we DON’T always get all the information in the comics, but that’s just because I love when there are background stories happening that we don’t see through the main storyline. This event/love is not unique to Heartstopper) 

I love Imogen!!! I really like that it’s showing her as someone who is sort trying to become friends with the group and that isn’t always a fast or easy process. She goes to the sleepover with them and she hangs out with them in Paris, but she’s doesn’t leave Prom with them or anything. Also, I love the possibility that she is discovering that she’s queer too!! And that her halfway joining of their friend group leads to her discovering herself bc i feel like that’s so true to real life.

I am so curious about the Isaac vs. Aled thing and I wonder if Aled will appear in one of the later seasons, or if he is just not in the show at all. And Isaac! I assume he’s in some extra content I haven’t seen? Don’t get me wrong ofc, I love Isaac and his storyline is SO SO IMPORTANT as someone who is asexual myself. I am so glad that there is the representation of someone discovering that they’re aroace. I do assume that’s part of the reason for him being the 4th friend as opposed to Aled? Idk. 

I’M SO SAD ABOUT OLIVER BEING COMPLETELY OMITTED FROM THE SHOW!!! I assume there is an interview or something where Alice Oseman explains why Oliver wasn’t in the show, but I haven’t seen it and rn I will simply cry about it. I love him and I wish he had been included. 

I am also SO CURIOUS how the rest of the show will look!! I know that I read somewhere that s3 should be the contents of book 4, and that s4/s5 if they get them would be books 5/6 respectively. And I’m so intrigued. Because book 4 is the heaviest of them all so far, and I wonder how it will be translated to the screen. Especially the Sept-Dec timeskip! Will we see that time, especially considering the other character’s storylines??? This wasn’t an issue in the comics since they focus solely on Nick/Charlie, but with all of the other characters it would be more difficult to just skip that whole time. Will it just be a summary of events like in the comics, with flashes to what has happened? Or will we get a more explicit idea of everything?? (probably not including Charlie’s sh relapses or the night in October, but maybe the This Winter content???) i am SO excited for October though so all my questions can be answered :’)

OH something that was super interesting to me was a very small change in dialogue during the scene where Charlie first tells Nick about his sh. In the show, when Nick asks if he still does it Charlie just says “No.” but in the comics he says “No! I mean- hardly ever” and it’s such a small change but it speaks volumes too in the difference between the comic and the show. I’m not really sure what it’s saying though. Was show Charlie just more consistently in a better place where he feels like it’s stopped and won’t happen again? Was comic Charlie just more honest in this moment in acknowledging that it has still happened since? I’m not sure!!! But i’ve spent WAYYY too much time thinking about this one tiny change in dialogue!!!

Another thing is like, I really liked how the comics handled Nick’s dad. Them not meeting in Paris and then him missing Nick’s birthday. It really hits hard exactly how negligent he is, and it gives space for Charlie to be there for Nick when he’s upset. I do like how it went in the show as well, because it does still get everything across beautifully, but idk. I think mostly I’m just remembering the shot of Nick opening the door to greet Charlie on his birthday looking heartbroken and upset about his dad canceling and how hard that hit when i first read it. (keep in mind that i watched the show before reading the comics, so i was surprised at first to learn that they didn’t meet up in Paris! Let alone that he missed Nick’s birthday TOO!!)

Okay I think that’s it for right now. I have largely been spinning comic Charlie in the microwave in my mind bc OUGH i relate to him too much. I will probably come back at some point with more thoughts, but until then. Hope you enjoyed my brief insanity.

#heartstopper #heartstopper comic #heartstopper netflix #shh ac

[demi-shoggoth]

2023 Reading Log, pt. 11

51. The Book of Fun by Russ Frushtick. This is a collection of anecdotes about and descriptions of various ways that people have fun, such as toys, games, festivals and theme parks. Each page has a paragraph or two of text and a painting to accompany it, and the book covers everything from the history of Coney Island to the time World of Warcraft had a plague. It’s a fun little miscellany, a good bathroom reader type of book, but not very substantial.

52. Queer Ducks (And Other Animals) by Eliot Schrefer. This book is aimed at young adult audiences (think high school students) and is about animal sexuality. It summarizes quite a bit of research, including pretty new material, covering homosexual behavior in animals. The thesis, of course, is that animals have a wide range of sexual behaviors, so these existing in humans as well is perfectly natural. The book also has interviews with a number of queer biologists about their research and their experiences with representation, intersectionality and other topics. Plus, there’s cartoons! Honestly, the cartoons are probably my least favorite part; they’re cute and have a funny premise (a QSA meeting at a high school for animals), but the animals are all mean and judgy with each other. This feels like it misses the point, even if it might be more accurate to the high school experience. Still, the writing is good, and it covers some stuff I had never heard of, like velvet bucks and other mammals that have common intersex members.  

53. Sentient by Jackie Higgins. This book is about senses, using examples from the animal kingdom as a launching point to discuss how the sense works in humans. The book starts with vision, covering the many (tumblr famous) cones of the mantis shrimp, but how recent evidence suggests their color vision isn’t actually particularly good. I was familiar with most of the animal examples discussed, but a lot of the content on human health and senses was new to me. The material that wasn’t new to me, like the controversy over whether humans have pheromones are not, is told very well. And the coverage of the different kinds of touch, and how humans have touch receptors that seem to be linked to areas that are commonly groomed in other primates that are connected to things like mood and mental health… well, that helped put my touch starvation into context.

54. The Devil’s Atlas by Edward Brooke-Hitching. I usually quite like Edward Brooke-Hitching books, so this one was something of a surprise disappointment. The book talks about how different religions and cultures have conceptualized heavens, hells and other afterlives, with copious illustrations. My first complaint is the sorting into heavens and hells, when a lot of the afterlives discussed don’t really fit into the model of paradise or torment. The coverage of each is pretty superficial—there’s a post-script about utopias (including More’s Utopia) that I feel could have been cut in place of more thorough takes on the religions. My biggest complaint, though, is an editing one. No fewer than eight chapters are cut off, so that the last sentence (or even paragraph) is incomplete. It’s remarkably frustrating, and it took me right out of the book.

55. Snakes of the World by Mark O’Shea. Another in the X of the World series put out by Princeton University Press, this is pretty similar in content to the other books in the series. The first quarter or so of the pages are devoted to an overview of the biology of the group, and the rest of it is surveys of its biodiversity, organized by subfamilies and geographic regions. Mark O’Shea also wrote Lizards of the World, and this book seems in many ways to be a direct sequel to it. The main draw, of course, are the species accounts, which include gorgeous photography of a wide variety of species, including some very obscure taxa.

#reading log #snakes #herpetology #comparative religion #folklore #art book #animal behavior #neuroscience #biology #lgtbq #queer #games

[ingravinoveritas]

Crowley and Aziraphale always came off as romantic to me; both in the book and in the show. They have so much more chemistry than anyone else. And I always second guess me reading their relationship as romantic when I see the general public's takes. So then I go back over like, okay, if this was a man and a woman, how would this read. They do couple things all the time. They use pet names. The show leans more into pining but in the book it feels like they're already married. Both the narrator and other characters refer to them as a couple and its never contradicted. Is that subtext or just plain text. I wouldn't call it queerbaiting, but queercoding or representation doesn't feel quite right either. Are we reading too much into it or is media literacy dead.

Hi there! Thank you for sharing these thoughts in response to my post from the other day. What you've mentioned here (how this would read if it was a man and a woman) is something I have thought about as well--both in terms of Aziraphale/Crowley and Michael/David, as I have shipped them outside of the show for some time now, and especially given the increasingly fuzzy line between them and the characters (which both Michael and David themselves have talked about in multiple interviews).

I think what we're seeing is neither queerbaiting nor queercoding/representation, but instead a sort of incongruity between what was put on the printed page when Good Omens was first published and what was brought to life on screen when it came to TV. What I mean by that is I often see a lot of people point to the line "gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide" as proof (almost typed "poof" there--hello, Freudian slip...) that Neil/Terry meant for the characters (specifically Aziraphale) to be gay. But from what Neil has said, the main intention here was for this to be a play on words--so, "gay" as in homosexual, but also "gay" as in happy, which was the original meaning of the term. I'm then led to think that in the minds of two cishet men in the late 1980s, "gayness" conjured a particular, unserious image, which they then brought into the writing.

Fast-forward to thirty years later, and you have Good Omens finally becoming a television show. Terry Pratchett (Gnu) had sadly left us, and so the task fell to Neil to write the screenplay and honor Terry's last wish by faithfully adapting the story. And while Neil wisely decided to cast Michael for his goodness and angelic-like nature, what I think he didn't count on was Michael's long-held beliefs and ideas about the character of Aziraphale and how he would portray him, or his profound penchant for playing numerous queer characters over the last several decades. The gayness of Aziraphale on the written page was something that Neil could control, but he couldn't control the gayness of Aziraphale as interpreted by Michael.

So that led to Neil having to address some things that I don't think he was quite prepared to address, both about the show and inside himself. Mainly, that if we are to extrapolate that what we see in season 1 is a reflection (to some degree, anyway) of Neil's views on relationships, a straight couple with little to no chemistry can jump into bed together without any hesitation, but a gay couple with tremendous chemistry and who share a deep and profound connection can't express that, either physically or by simply saying "I love you."

Much discussion has been made about how it's not necessary for someone to say "I love you" to convey such a sentiment. But what I've noticed missing from this discourse is the age/experience of anyone who has been in a relationship where that wasn't said (or conveyed) by one partner and how painful that was for the other partner. And as I mentioned in my other post, even once gay/queer people started to exist in media, they still weren't allowed to fall in love. (The phrase "the love that dare not speak its name" even came into being because of this taboo, for crying out loud.)

So when we then look at the countless tweets from Neil about how Good Omens is a love story while considering the vastly different ways in which that love is regarded when it's straight vs. when it's gay, his words start to ring somewhat hollow. And if he repeatedly has to emphasize that something is a love story, then maybe it isn't coming across as a love story in the way he thinks it is. Maybe Neil being more comfortable with casual, meaningless sex than a deep commitment speaks to a larger issue on his part. Or maybe Neil was fine with the abstract idea of a gay love story, but suddenly less comfortable with the concrete, three-dimensional reality of it.

If I had to use a word to describe it, then, from a media/cultural standpoint, I think I would call it "queerplaying," which I would define as roleplaying queerness on a surface level without actually delving into the complexity and messiness of what it actually means to be a queer/non-cishet human being. (To be clear, I am applying this to the writing/the original GO text, not to what Michael and David ultimately brought to the roles as actors.)

I hope this all makes sense. Again, the second season could come out tomorrow/Friday and prove me completely wrong about everything I've just said here, which would be wonderful. But I'm glad that other people have felt similarly about what we saw (or didn't see) in the first season, and the disconnect between the perceptions of fans/the perception of the public vs. Neil's authorial intent. Thanks for writing in! x

#pavoptes #reply post #good omens #good omens 2 #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #neil gaiman #creators are not perfect #i think neil may have some internalized homophobia he is still dealing with tbh #but i'm glad we've had Michael and David as Aziraphale and Crowley #not holding anything back #can't wait for the second season #discourse

[vertebrae-entertainment]

1.25.23 - ‘Anchor’

Hi y’all! Its been a while since we did a proper blog update, so i figured it was time i talk about the thing people usually talk about when i bring up the main character of our fishing game: “whoah, he’s a big dude huh?”

Designing a tough guy

When me and Åge first discussed this project, I told them two things would make me automatically passionate about it. The first was that the main character should be a hot dude, and the second was that he should be transgender. Now, at a glance it doesn't seem that complicated (and it really isn’t). I like hot dudes, I like to draw bulk, and I am a trans man myself. Seeing as we are a two-person team, there’s no CEO to tell me what I can and cannot do, so naturally this was how the basic concept ended up.

Following from there I started designing. I took some amphibious inspiration, building him sort of like a frog- top heavy and with long legs, lending itself well to animating acrobatics. I wanted to make him tall and menacing, with a shadow covering his face to make him seem mysterious. At the same time I couldn't forget his fishing lifestyle. In the end he ended up somewhere between Batman and Popeye, with a sprinkle of elegance for good measure. It turned out to lend itself really well to build him like he was hunting monsters for a living, as that was what the game was turning into.

After settling on a color scheme of black, white and red, and taking inspiration from the simplistic designs of the UPA-revival movement for ease of animation, I figured he needed a tattoo- both to top off the design and hint at his marine connection. The anchor seemed obvious! A symmetrical object right on the middle, plenty of body hair, and our main man was ready for the screen!

The tough guy through a queer lens

I have a huge soft spot for towering tough guys, it's no secret. From Conan to the T-800, this hyper masculine archetype may seem dated and boring to others, but personally I cannot get enough of it. What kind of pressure does it take to make a man two steps from a monster? In an odd sort of way, I suppose I find it relatable. Furthermore, I always find masculinity as a topic lends itself really well to a transgender lens- it's like free nuance! It is one thing to be born into this cruel, limiting role.. But what does it tell of a character, their story, when it is a choice?

Some people express confusion learning that this fisherman is transgender, which drives the question: should you be able to tell? Frankly, I think there should be a hell of a lot more trans men in media before we tackle this question. Assuming someone can’t be genetically tall and bulky due to the gender assigned at birth is an awfully dated idea to begin with, in my humble opinion.

I am out here making what I  would like to see a trans man in a videogame do, which is be huge, wrestle monsters and kiss cute guys. A topic me and Åge started tackling back in the Liquid State days was the concept of a trans power fantasy- which is exactly what it reads on the tin. While there are few men (trans and not) who fit into the shapely mold of a hyper masculine, sword-swinging barbarian god, many admire these characters and live out their fantasies through them.

Besides, you can tell! We specifically make excuses to show off his shark-teeth patterned top surgery scars because we want people to know. Hey, are you a trans guy that likes bulky dudes? This one’s for you!

In conclusion

While my inspirations are deceptively simple and reasons are uncomplicated, I often catch myself thinking about this design. Is it realistic? Is it alienating? Is it empowering? Is it wise? Even if he was designed straight from a trans man’s gut with no worries about the greater question of good representation, I often find myself thinking as though the task of representing all trans men lies solely on my shoulders. It is an unrealistic, unfair expectation. I am not all trans men, neither is he. 

His design and background is a love letter to one of my favorite types of characters, no doubt mixed in with years of queer, man-loving brain soup. He is what I like, and what I want to see in a video game. At the end of the day, I can only hope that what I enjoy also appeals to others.

So far, all signs point to yes. :)

This is our fanart wall, right by my desk at our office. I put them right where i can see them every day. Thanks for the support, folks- it means the world to me.

-Hauk Want to know more? Follow us here or on Twitter for regular updates on this project- or click here to join our discord!

#untitled fishing game #gamedev #indie game #lgbt gaming #gay pride #trans pride #transmasc #queer #GameMaker #fishing game #fishing rpg #fishing platformer #character art #character design #character concept #devblog #indiedev #ever wanted to do hardass fishing as the most shredded trans guy in existence? this game is for you too

[radioactive-earthshine]

YJ!Animated TimBart was actually probably the first gay ship I thought about as a kid, something about how in the show whenever Tim was absent from something usually Bart would speak up instead of Cassie just had my confused closeted kid brain thinking "Bart would make a better girlfriend for Tim than Cassie I think" and then I read them in comics and I've always been a little partial to them but honestly comics Bart reads so Aro to me (though he totally thinks most of his friends are hot and is a little in love with them in an aro way) and I have fallen deep into TimLonnie as my #1 Tim ship, but still I think that Young Justice Animated would be able to do something really cool with them and idk it'd heal my inner baby gay

Oh goodness that's a fun story thank you for sharing it.

Bart as aro/ace/aroace in the comics is SO REAL honestly - there's some great evidence to point towards that even if Waid has said that his reasoning for not having a love interest until much later in his series was because 'he was still developing' (paraphrasing). This is sort of a death of the author situation though so we take what is shown in the comics and from what is shown there is precedent for Bart being on the aro/ace spectrum.

As for Animated TimBart I'm not entirely sure if that will come to be (we're still in limbo for a 5th season) but anything is possible until we're shown it.

On one hand I can see them going that direction - it would be surprising and fresh and would get people talking and it would involve a Bat which is DC's cash cow. Tim is canonly queer in the comics, Titans and in Gotham Knights so it's very likely he is queer as well in the cartoon even if we do not see him with anyone. Bart is already heavily suspected to be queer and there's been implication that in the animation he is gay. They have history together, are around the same age and are close in the comics so there's no particular reason they can't be dating.

On the other hand Tim is with Bernard now and even if season 5 was technically written before Tim came out Bernard is a permanent part of Tim's history. They may feel that it is improper and inviting a type of drama they don't want to start by making Tim date anyone else - even if this is an elseworlds and is not connected to the comics in any way. There's also already evidence to suggest that Bart and Ed are dating even if it is not shown explicitly.

I guess at the end of the day we all know Bart is queer in some way, and we want to see some representation.

[whoreviewswho]

Wokeness, Responsibility and if RTD is problematic - Introduction

Is Russell T Davies a problematic figure? Is he too woke or not aware enough? Is he doing something wrong to illicit negative responses from the progressives as well as the conservatives? Is it something in the programme, something in the marketing or is he doing nothing particularly bad at all? Well, perhaps you and I, faithful reader, can come to some sort of conclusion. Let's find out together as we take a dive into the controversial choices behind RTD2 and the mind of the man behind them.

There is an extremely telling moment in issue 599 of Doctor Who Magazine in their feature on The Giggle, specifically the climax. On page 18, the magazine printed some conversation between Benjamin Cook, Ncuti Gatwa and Russell T Davies (RTD) which you can read below;

"When you wished for it," Russell asks [Ncuti] now, "there wasn't a part of you thinking, but there's no point, it's not going to happen, because I'm black?" "Never," says Ncuti. "I love that," says Russell. "Because here I am, as a 59-year-old white man, assuming that would weigh heavily on your mind." "Yeah, no, completely," says Ncuti. "When it was announced and everyone was saying, 'He's the first black Doctor!' - that was insane. Slowly I was like, '... ohh." "Yes, it's hard to know what to do with that."

I find this to be a very revealing exchange and an invaluable insight into RTD's mind. RTD thinks. He thinks a lot. It is very clear not only that he thinks a lot and is very conscious of his decisions and responsibilities as a showrunner but also that he wants us to know that. And, you know what, perhaps he is a little too conscious. Perhaps RTD thinks too much.

But of course RTD thinks. He is a writer and a storyteller. He is, in fact, a very good storyteller and, in order to be so, one has to be continuing to engage with new art, meet new people and be connected to the world around them. This is not conjecture, this is how art works; it is a expression and representation of how the artist relates, reflects and responds to the world around them. RTD is a wickedly intelligent, queer man and you need look no further than his own work to see how passionate he has always been about depicting a diverse range of characters and stories that are firmly rooted in the political and social climate of his day. In fact, he explicitly said as much himself in a December 2023 interview for Rolling Stone;

"From my point of view, whatever I make on television, I try to embrace queerness and queer politics and that’s like breathing to me because that’s my world. That’s how I live.”

At the time I am writing (two months away from season one's debuting), RTD's second stint as show runner of Doctor Who, RTD2, as it has come to be known, has proven to be as divisive for longterm fans as his initial tenure, if not more so. No surprises there, of course, but what was unforeseen however, at least by me, was the vocal backlash from the progressive crowd. 

Perhaps it shouldn't have been though. After all, we are talking about a sixty year old white cis man. As well researched and intentioned as he may be, the scope of his experiences will inevitably reach their limits regarding gender, sexuality and cultural backgrounds. Even ethically, to hold somebody of quite a different generation to the exact same standards as your own, a significantly younger or potentially older audience member, is a pretty dubious and flawed thing to put into practice.

Still, backlash from the progressives might also have been foreseen if we took more than half a glance at his original time on the show. The quality and impact of representation in 2000s Doctor Who was certainly varied, and something worth discussing in more depth in some other entry. That does not make it any less significant that it was Russell who spearheaded the first openly queer companion, its first black supporting character and then first black companion as well as the oldest leading lady to date. And these things were not simply acts of ticking boxes. Jack Harkness, Mickey Smith, Martha Jones and Donna Noble were strong, fully-realised characters who were regularly recurring across almost five years of television. One of them even led a TV show of his own for half a decade. Combine that with more than a handful of overtly political storylines across the episodes that he produced and you have a revived Doctor Who that is quickly established as one of the most progressive television programmes of its kind in the 2000s. 

But mistakes were made, particularly regarding racial background. YouTuber Princess Weekes has made a particularly articulate video outlining RTD's pitfalls in representing black communities in Doctor Who a couple of months ago and I strongly encourage you to go and check that out. This article is not about the 2000s though. This is about the present day and the world surrounding RTD as he re-entered the role of showrunner in 2021. So, in order to contextualise that, let us tackle that frustratingly large elephant in the room; let's briefly discuss how Doctor Who became too woke.

This will be a very short discussion because, of course, this didn't happen. Yet, somehow, this narrative, that Doctor Who has become more occupied with pushing its progressive political agendas than telling compelling stories, is a bizarre claim that has been looming over the series for far too long now. It is a line of thinking that I first remember hearing around 2016 with the announcement of Bill Potts as the first openly lesbian companion. Y'know, because having an openly lesbian character must surely mean the Moff was out of ideas. But it really seemed to become a thorn in the fandom's side in the year following when Jodie Whittaker's casting was revealed. Together with Chris Chibnall's casting of two people-of-colour in his main cast and hiring the most diverse writers the show has ever seen to tell stories that reflect their varied life experiences and backgrounds CLEARLY indicated the show was on a downward spiral. The writing was on the wall*.

Okay, so, let's break this down for a second because obviously Doctor Who of the past seven years has not been too woke. But, even if that were the case, what does that even mean? Well, let's be blunt here, this is a form of cultural appropriation. The usage of 'woke' as a slang term for being attentive to social issues originated in African American Vernacular English. As Marriam-Webster defines it; 

"In [African-American Vernacular English], awake is often rendered as woke, as in, 'I was sleeping, but now I’m woke'". 

In the mid-2010s, "stay woke" became a watch word in the black community eventually becoming entwined in the BLM movement. The term has since been co-opted by conservatives, in another harmful display of white aggression, as an insulting short-hand for people and works that challenge their comfortably ignorant view of the world in really any way at all.

TLDR; to level the accusation of a television programme being "too aware of social and political injustices", especially a show with as long a history in of engaging with those sorts of ideas as Doctor Who, as if it were some kind of negative is one of the most laughable criticisms that the show has ever seen. 

It is actually even more laughable when you consider that one could take less than half a glance at Chibnall's version of the show and realise that it was, in fact, doing remarkably little actual engagement with contemporary social and political issues at all. Hell, 10.96 million people tuned into the first episode of his run to learn that for themselves. But this article is not about Chris Chibnall either. This is about Russell T Davies. The man who walked into the office while Chris Chibnall was still in the job and was revealed as such before Chibnall's final season, the Flux storyline, had even gone to air. As nasty a move this was from BBC, seemingly attempting to sabotage their own show, they knew how big of a deal this was. This is Russell T Davies ! The OG showrunner !! The guy who turned a dead cult TV show into an enormous national, and eventual, international franchise !!! This will be 2008, all over again !!!! RTD was going to save Doctor Who !!!!! Praise be to Russell T !!!!!!

Of course, this did not happen. 

It was a pretty dumb call from the conservative crowd to claim RTD was going to swoop in and be their champion. There was truly no reason at all to suspect that he would come back to Doctor Who and not bring his established brand of mindful, inclusive and socially charged writing to the programme. After all, in the years since writing regularly for Doctor Who, Davies produced works like Years and Years and It's a Sin, two incredibly thoughtful though quite different series, the former being a speculative work of science-fiction envisioning the next fifteen years of human history through the eyes of a single family and the latter an intimate and tragic retrospective on the UK AIDS crisis. For a certain crowd of people, this was actually the most appealing aspect of RTD's return. The man was going off the heels of some of his most acclaimed work of all-time, works that spoke to harsh realities of the world we live in and told compelling stories of any number of diverse characters. And, for some people, this was somehow a red flag.

There are longtime fans of a certain generation who have been vocal of RTD's flaws as a social-justice champion from day one. Diamanda Hagan is one such person who comes to mind. I have a great deal of respect for her and her opinions which are often much more articulate and interesting to engage with than my own. If you are unfamiliar, I encourage you seek her out. For the purposes of this article, there are two recent(ish) tweets of hers that I will be citing and the first is as follows;

"[In reference to the polarised reception to The Church on Ruby Road] I continue to be amused by people watching RTD being RTD, now disliking it and thinking that RTD or his work is the one that changed." - December 26, 2023

I would like to use this quote to springboard into a more in-depth discussion of RTD's choices onscreen (strap in, everybody 'cause this'll be more than one post) but, before I do, allow me to note that I find myself only half-agreeing with Hagan's assertion here. Onscreen, Davies' work is distinctly his own. His style has evolved, certainly, insofar as his language and the presentation but the overall package, the flavour and spirit of RTD Who, is much the same as it was from 2005-2010. 

But I would insist that something has changed and that something is what Davies is saying behind the scenes and in promo material because, and this is a crucial point, regardless of how 'woke' RTD2 actually is, and we will get into it, he certainly wants you to think that it is. I do not think that this is an out of arrogance or some kind of saviour complex. I don't believe that RTD is sitting at home rubbing his hands and thinking 'hehehe look how progressive everybody thinks I am". No, I think that Russell is drawing attention to how progressive the show is in the media because he genuinely believes in making socially conscious choices and their impact and consequences. He wants audiences to be talking about disability and race and queerness and class and acceptance and bigotry. RTD is asking us to talk about the topics highlighted in his productions.

So, let's do that then....

To be continued in part one; The Regeneration Question and Davros with Legs

*The fact that Chris Chibnall's version of Doctor Who was ultimately lacking in compelling storytelling for most audiences is extremely unfortunate but obviously unrelated to his diverse cast and crew.

#doctor who #tv #analysis #behind the scenes #culture #history #wokeness #anti woke #woke liberal madness #conservatives #progressive #queer #rtd2 #rtd #fourteenth doctor #ncuti gatwa #i love ncuti #critique #media critique #commentary #lgbt pride #actors #pride

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

looking for: advice, help figuring out how to reconcile my feelings

tws: queer infighting (sort of?) acephobia mentions, arophobia

So, i've been struggling with this for a while now. I'll start by saying I am extremely pro my ace family and ace rights, I understand the type of persecution they face and it's horrible. None of what I'm dealing with from the asexual community is convincing me that asexuality is bad or asexuals have bad intent inherently.

I am aromantic and bisexual (not asexual), and I've faced a lot of flack from alloromantic and allosexual people for being bisexual and aro. You know, the idea that I'm just using people for their bodies and stuff. So that's really tiresome and frustrating, even the little things like "oh you're aro, you're not physically attracted to people?". Ignorance stings even if it's not malicious.

So I obviously take great comfort in the aro community. And the aro community is very connected to the ace community. Which I have no problem with! I have had a lot of trouble finding aro people who aren't ace, which is isolating and difficult.

So here's the main problem. I've faced a lot of hate and microaggressions from aro ace people and alloromantic ace people. Ace people either refusing to count alloaro people as a demographic, or acting like anyone who's aro must be ace. The worst for me is when they talk about specifically ace things and add aro in like it's just a descriptor. I'm writing this and my heart is aching bc I'm being lumped in with a group of people who aren't me!!! They're a lovely group of people but it's the same feeling of being misgendered. I can't pick a fight with everyone who does this, and if I express my frustrating with how I've been treated it's very easy for people to just label me as acephobic (which would be a horrible thing to be!!! except I'm not, I'm very clearly stating that some ace people are being bigots towards alloaro people).

I don't know how to reconcile my love and support of the ace community with the intense amount of persecution I've faced by many people in that community.

I know in my head that I can be angry at arophobic aces, but if I try to talk about it, and even in my emotions, it's so hard.

Hi anon, 

I’m so sorry this has been impacting you in such a painful way - I deeply sympathize because though I’m aspec myself, I am not aro, so I found myself nodding along to several points you made along the way in your post when trying to navigate the community where I’ve also mainly stumbled on people who identify with both.

At the end of the day it is a spectrum - well all sexuality is - but there is a wide coverage here, and unfortunately with not enough resources, representation and education about the asexuality spectrum many of us get lumped together in not only ignorant ways, but painful and even abusive ones, too.  All that being said, at the end of the day, there is a huge difference between making bigoted commentary about a group of people, and responding to commentary about a group of people that includes you (and I’m very sorry to hear that some people mislabeled your advocacy of what is said to you and/or how you are spoken to/about as being automatically aphobic).

Of course we cannot argue with everyone we come across, but it’s equally valid to want to be surrounded by people who do not make negative commentary about your romantic orientation, even if it’s from a place of ignorance versus say active harassment - if it hurts, it hurts, and you deserve a community where you can just be without the commentary based on false assumptions and aphobia (which I can appreciate might feel hard, when over 80% of aroromantics in this study have “reported not being taken seriously, being ignored, or being dismissed by others.”)

In regards to how to respond where it doesn’t feel hard, it might simply come down to a practice of one step at a time (and potentially looking into boundary scripts and how to respond to aphobia & bigotry resources) - but I believe it’s equally important to find a community of people you can just be with.  No one has the right to decide who belongs in public, shared spaces, so I don’t mean to suggest shrinking yourself into a box - but finding other people you can share with and who “get it” can be incredibly validating too as you navigate bigger spaces along your journey.  The AUREA website has both online resources, as well as in person groups, and here’s a reddit forum that might at least be able to help you find some online communities across various social media platforms?

Regardless of what happens next, you deserve to be embraced for who you are, as you are, and I hope you find a community that roots for you.

Mod Kat

#trauma talks #mod kat #tw aphobia #aphobia #arophobia

[astridspeckles]

Random thoughts and ramblings about the amazing film Nimona! Warning this is a huge tangent and does talk about spoilers for the movie and a bit of spoilers about the graphic novel (that I haven't read since my copy hasn't arrived yet) also I've tried to write this post like 3 times but it keeps breaking so oof.

Kudos to the creator ND Stevenson who I swear is a massive source of creativinies that I would absorb like a sponge if I had the energy to because everything they're apart of is something I feel like I'd adore if if I took the plunge. Also he identifies as enby transmasc (which, I am too, and I didn't realize how huge of a blow it was to realize that people like me exist). I really ought to look into She-ra and their other works at some point. Anyway, anyway, anyway - this is about Nimona!

I love that this obviously queer movie decided to be release during the later stage of June aka "Pride Month" because I feel like it gives people the chance to watch it with fresh eyes during July, which is Disabled Pride Month (I'm Australian so it isn't really a thing here as far as im aware sadly) which Ballister is such a fantastic and amazing character who is gay and disabled.

He is never portrayed as weak or lesser for his disability, I imagine for people that it'll actually be easy to forget that he is disabled as an amputee with how capable he's written. I feel like it might just go over peoples heads at some point because you never get to see stuff written so well unless if its poking you with it every few episodes or its extremely obvious at a glance. But with Ballister it 'just is who he is' and it moves on to focus on its plot like it has from the beginning.

And its never used as a plot set back or change the storybeat or anything of that sort of matter. Which is amazing. However it isn't just ignored either! He has a moment of weakness when he sees Ambroius again. He hesitates, he withdraws from reach out to him while looking at his arm (Oh, Nemesis!). It is still fresh and new and he's trying to handle it (you're doing great sweetie).

I'm not physically disabled (I do have a weak knee however) but a mentally disabled and experience fatigue constantly and I'm sure I'd have chronic pains if I didn't have a high pain tolerance. So while this sort of character isn't someone I can directly relate to it is someone I can connect with (Although I don't believe you need to be the same as something in order to connect/relate to it).

However I am at home a lot and I don't get exposed much to other people and that includes a lot of people with other cultures, beliefs, body types and disabilities. So being able to see people different than me on the screen is always awesome, and being able to connect with them is too. Which the Queen, Nimona and Ballister is fantastic for everyone and hopefully the Director will give the other sort of audience of this movie a time to think back and work through things.

But I haven't seen many disabled people in media, because I don't really have the energy to engage with much content for long. So I have a limited selection of characters who seem like fantastic representation - because while yes Toph from Avatar the Last Airbender is fantastic she has literal superpowers compared to the every day person so I love and praise how she's handled because everything she does is fantastic-

Seeing Ballister's strong and dedicated personality which still has that life to it made me instantly feel for him along side Hiccup from How to Train your Dragon (And before you ask - no, AstridSpeckles is not due to HTTYD, its inspired from Zelda actually!) And I just love how it was all written and displayed. In HTTYD it was to connect Toothless and Hiccup together in a beautiful narrative. Here they used his arm to make a beautiful narrative too - he uses it, constantly.

He fixes his arm with just one hand which is insane because its also his non dominant hand which wow thats amazing. And he doesn't shy away from using his arm for anything, he still touches people with it, still wields things with as much confidence as ever to do so. He reaches out to Nimona with it too in that scene. Also Ambroius reaches out to hold his hand in that scene too! So tenderly and without hesitation! Which if it was another case with other characters I reckon I'd be a little upset but you see how much they love eachother and how gentle and tactile and soft they are so it is just so beautiful to see here...

Also I don't really know where else to put this but since im on a tangent about Ballister ima just say it here. He is such a fantastic knight! He knew the moment his sword was handed to him that it was off. He knew it didnt feel right, the weight was wrong? Or it just felt off? He knows his sword. He knows his morals. He knows what he has to do to make things right. He never betrayed himself ever!

Also the eye sparkles change. At the start their diamonds, but Ballister's turns into squares as he gets more exposed to different views where Ambroius turns into a triangle as his views are being pulled (the director whispering in his hear, his own heart, and his love for Ballister).

Also he too is a fantastic knight! His life falling apart? Never lashes out. Never hurts those around him (Okay, cutting off an arm isn't a love language.) So yes that is a case where he did hurt someone but that is addressed in its own ways.

But he never hurts or lashes out at the people he's protecting. He could easily just take it out on them, stop caring, fall into a pit of despair at his own problems. But you actively see him dealing with this own issues and then instantly being a knight the next scene and he doesn't falter or fall.

He is also so strong and I love that he had these moments, would of liked some more though but he isn't a main character like Nimona and Ballister so I understand why he didn't.

Also back to Ballister for a moment because the moment he heard Nimona's not really handling the things she's carrying, that she was able to tell him about her most vulnerable, scary and intrusive thoughts after knowing him for so little, that his thoughts in an instant was to get her the hell out of there and go with her.

He would try to work things out with Ambroius I believe, but he saw the hurt of Nimona who he hasn't known that long over the love of his life and said this is my priority. That would be so hard for anyone to do, for example a parent knowing their child is queer and the other parent not accepting them - there are cases where the parents stay together because its too hard for them not too, and lose the kid or kick the kid out.

The fact Ballister in a heartbeat acted accordingly to keep this new precious person in his life to abandon (like they did to him) without hesitation is absolutely insane and I love it so much. Also that it wasn't a move out of malice or defiance. It could of easily of been written differently that they need to protect her and they have to leave right now. But no. He took action (he always takes actions!) and while he lingered on Ambroius, it wasnt hesitation. It wasn't to hurt Ambroius either. He put Nimona being at risk first.

So I've actually been aware of Nimona for a few years now. I've heard about its ups and downs and its eventually cancel to its amazing revival! But I was watching it as a passive observer, never interacting with it because I know I hyper-fixate, I didn't want too get invested and attached and because off the rollercoaster of it not coming to the big screen while being in the fandom at that time (im sorry you are all so much stronger than I am haha!)

However, it is alive and amazing! And I'm finally here in the fandom - I've finally watched it - I've finally decided to order the graphic novel like I planned to back during its first movie announcement so I can quote "Enjoy the movie and then read the book since the books are always better", so I can love both as much as I can, yknow?

From what I've discovered reading online here and there so far (and its likely that this is wrong so take this with a grain of salt since I haven't gotten my graphic novel yet) that apparently that the movie is leaps and bounds improved compared to the graphic novel (Note: Not better, improved.)

Improved origin stories, improved personalities, improved characterizations. So much of the voice actors provide life and inspiration to these characters bringing them to a level that the graphic novels didn't have the resource to do.

I also love how people also aren't going crazy (negatively) about the change of races to the characters - im so used to seeing discourse about this sort of thing but its so accepted here that it is so refreshing to see.

The graphic novel has a larger and looser timeline and I believe a darker story and not as much as a happy ending compared to the movie. I can't wait to read the graphic novel though it looks very interesting!

But the ending of the movie implies such a happier ending for everyone, since apparently I've seen that in the graphic novel Nimona visits Ballister while being shapeshifted as a nurse while he is in hospital and he caught on too late after she says goodbye and he never sees her again and is constantly reminded of her when she sees people with her hair colour and that is so bittersweet!

The fact we get her coming to him at the end with him going HOLY SHIT is because it is saying here that it doesn't end with that note. They are together still. And I really hope something more comes out after this because I need to see a bit more to know what is happening there.

I had written a lot more here but my post keeps breaking and doing ctrl+z is making me lose entire paragraphs and gifs I put in as text breakers so I'm gonna leave this here or maybe do another post when I end up reading the graphic novel, who knows. But yes. I love Nimona :D

#nimona #nimona netflix #nimona film #spoilers #nimona spoilers #ballister blackheart #nimona movie #ambrosius goldenloin #welcome to my ted talk #astridspeckles #tangent #rambling #queer #gay #lgbtq #lgbtq community #disability #pride month #disabled pride month #Im just going to slap this here because I didn't want to put it in the post and I don't use tags often in the tumblr TM way #I first discovered the webcomic of Nimona because I was writing Harry Potter fanfiction and I accidentally thought- #-That it was Serverus looking after a red haired Harry Potter #Yes I dont know what younger me thought they were obsessed with writing fanfiction okay?

[ksfoxwald]

Fire and Hemlock Readalong: Part 3 Chapter 2

In which Polly finds Tom again.

This chapter contains the most overt depiction of magic in the entire book, which almost overshadows Polly's magic. She finds Tom by "following a tugging in her head," leading her to the Dumas Quartet rehearsing for a last-minute show. "Knowing things is Polly's heroic gift," Tom says. Later on, too, she's the one who sees through Mr. Leroy's trick with the trash monster.

I have to wonder what Tom told the quartet about Polly. Like, I would be seriously side-eyeing any friend of mine that told me they had a twelve year old RP partner who they met at a funeral. I feel like Ann would have some words to say about that. Also, we later learn that she has some connections to the Perry Leroys as well, though it's not clear if Tom knows; Ann might even know enough to suspect what Tom is using Polly for, even if she doesn't know the how.

Ann alias Tan Audel is the most interesting member of the quartet to me. Her gift, as Polly says, is that she never forgets, and indeed she is the one who writes the story in the new timeline that triggers Polly's memories, even though one of the others wrote the original. But she's also interesting as pretty much the only positive adult female representation in the book (to be fair, adult men are all pretty shady here as well; but there aren't any women in Nowhere except for Hero and Edna until Tan Audel is revealed). And Ann isn't described as heroic or pretty or with anything grand; she is described as having a "frank friendliness," eyes "direct and amused," with a "square, quiet face." She's not the sort of woman who shows up in hero tales but is very much the sort of woman you want in everyday life.

And when Polly asks ("hopefully") if Tom might marry Ann, Tom responds with a laugh and a "Ann has her own ideas about such things."

The "hopefully" is interesting, because Polly's reaction to Mary Fields has strongly resembled jealousy, but perhaps it hasn't quite turned into romantic jealousy yet. Her hopefulness seems to indicate that Tom is a sort of family member to her, and she's hoping he might marry Ann the way a child might hope for a nice stepmother. Ann's "own ideas" seem decidedly queer, though.

The scene with the quartet is so gentle and soft and cozy, one of the happiest moments in the entire book. The way the quartet all immediately take care of Polly and make sure her well-being is a priority is something we haven't seen from anyone except Granny, and even Granny's love has a gruff edge to it. And this is such an important scene because it sets the standard for how people, particularly children, should be treated, and that the way Polly's parents treat her really is horrible. It's hard when you're inside a situation sometimes to see how bad it is when it just feels normal.

In fact, Polly specifically does not read her book here, because she doesn't need the escape. (We also get the call back about not putting books facedown - it's from Tom of course, and it was strong enough to make it into her second set of memories.)

Tom takes Polly to the station (and so much of this book takes place at or going to or coming from train stations, or on roads. The liminal spaces between No Where and Now Here) but the wind that has been threatening for the past two chapters rears its head - literally - becoming a monster made of wind and garbage. The Leroy magic, of course, uses what is already there. But just as Tom tries to run it over with the car, Polly realizes it is actually Sam - or Tan Hanivar, as she shouts, because they are very much in Nowhere at that moment.

This, as Tom notes, is almost exactly what happens in one of the stories he wrote. "What is it about us?" Tom asks. "We make things up, and they go and happen."

Mr. Leroy uses them, Polly wanted to say. But there was more to it than that. She thought of Mr. Piper's shop in Stow-on-the-Water, which seemed to have nothing to do with Mr. Leroy. "I don't know," she said wearily.

Tom is starting to understand his curse, though he hasn't fully accepted it yet. It's interesting because between Tom and Polly, they have a complete picture of what is going on - Tom has the adult knowledge of history and context with the Leroys, while Polly has a child's insight and intuition about magic. But they aren't able to put the pieces together yet.

#fh readalong #fire and hemlock #dwj

[2bu]

I think you're one of the few tarot deck collectors I've followed for years, now, and I've always wondered: What do you look for in a deck? Do you just happen to collect any decks, or is there a certain criteria they have to meet in order for you to obtain it?

Howdy this is a real fun question!

I kinda did both in the past - but that was myself and my partner had far more money to spare and even then, I didn't go too crazy because we had very limited space in our old apartments. Nowadays, I do follow some sort of a rough criteria for any tarot or oracle deck purchases, which involves the following points I find most important in a deck:

Artwork - Does it look good? Is the art style unique? Does it appeal to my personal tastes/aesthetics? This is the most important to me with ANY deck, as it will make or break the vibes for me. Best example of decks I've connected really well with and am super fond of are the following right off the top of my head:

Tarot of the Divine

All of Maia Toll's Wild Wisdom decks (with companion books)

The Essential Tarot

Moonchild Tarot

The Sugar Skull Tarot

Theme / Aesthetic - Does this deck have a solid, recognizable theme that honours, yet freely interprets the meanings of the cards? Is it coherent, well-thought out, and does the aesthetic/theming of this deck match up all the way through? This is second most important to me because often times, there may be quite a lovely deck, but I may not like the 'theme' of it. Best example is the Zombie Tarot I own, which I'm not the biggest fan of as I have a fear of Zombies and Apocalyptic themes.

It has stellar artwork, the cards feel nice and it's visually very appealing, but due to the themes and apocalyptic references made I do not use this deck and will probably see about reselling it or gifting it to someone who would want it in the near future.

Representation - While I am not picky when it comes to decks, and will be a bit more forgiving of older decks that are well loved, beautiful, and recommended within the community, as an LGBT+ disabled person of colour, I tend to favour decks that will openly and unabashedly feature artwork of people of colour, disabled people, queer people, so on. Especially if they are made by said groups of people. Examples I've already given are Tarot of the Divine, The Essential Tarot, Moonchild Tarot, and another few recommendations I can give would be The Star Spinner Tarot, Queer Black Tarot, and Zeke's Arcana.

Lastly:

Quality - Does it come with a bag or box it can be stored in? How do the cards feel when I hold them or shuffle them? Can I even shuffle them? Does it have a guidebook of sorts? Is the artwork clear and overall visible with little to no flaws? Is it all collectively worth the price point?

As someone who is neurodivergent and can struggle with the feel of things against my hands/skin as a whole, this is definitely important to me, but I can deal with a deck that say, I really love, but may not feel the best in my hands, or can't be shuffled.

Personally, I dislike cards that are too glossy, and don't stack well/cannot stay stacked, or feel too slick in my hands. I also do not favour cards I cannot shuffle (then again I didn't learn how to properly cut the deck and shuffle until about a year or two ago).

So far, the decks that contain my favourite cardfeels and are of very high quality for the price points are Tarot of the Divine and Maia Toll's Wild Wisdom cards. They are very much worth the price paid for all of those decks respectively. Pretty much anything that feels like the playing card decks my grandmother owns is something I generally like and will seek out if possible, but only Tarot of the Divine has given me this!

As for pricing, well, tarot decks and oracle decks often range in price depending on where you buy, who you buy it from, their overall quality, what comes with it, etc. My most expensive and rarest deck that I got out of pure sheer luck was the Major Arcana Set for Sayonara Wild Hearts, and that ran me about maybe $120, as it is rare and hard to find at all, let alone in mint unopened condition. Mine was still in the packaging when I received it, and because I don't plan on selling it, this is fine, and I opened it to see the cards (which are simple but VERY beautiful).

OUGH this became longer than I was anticipating but I appreciate being asked stuff like this since I don't talk about my hobbies very often ^^;

#ducky.txt #ducky answers #long post #ask to tag #anonymous

[owlbelly]

indie weird-fiction/SFF recommendation

hey remember how about a month ago i found ARCs of these three books in a "free" shed at my town dump

and i picked them up because the back copy really piqued my interest & i thought "okay they're free. let's try it. if the first one sucks i'll bring them all back"

well i am happy to report they extremely did not suck. in fact i absolutely adored them & am now very very invested in this ongoing story (planned as a series of 7, supposedly the 4th is coming out next year). i don't know how much the ARCs differ from the published books - which are available here from the publisher - & i will say that the ARCs were "rough" in the sense that there are typos, grammatical issues (mostly pronoun/tense problems) & very occasional missing or wrong words, but i didn't find it hampered my ability to read very much. i don't know if those are fixed or not in the final copies but i enjoyed the books so much that i don't particularly care - which is a pretty big thing for me, haha.

the blurb on the site & back copy compares them favorably to a mix of authors (William S. Burroughs, Tom Robbins, Kurt Vonnegut, David Mitchell) but those aren't really my points of reference & so not the comparisons i would make! i would heartily recommend them to fans of Clive Barker (especially if you prefer his fantasy work like Imajica & Abarat but you're still down for some seriously horrific violence/gore). pieces of Shifting also reminded me of reading Joan D. Vinge's Cat series which was very formative for me. there's a madcap element to these that definitely fits the Robbins comp but there's also real emotional depth to the characters/relationships - idk i haven't read that much Robbins but it didn't do it for me like these did.

the worldbuilding (focused on psionics, multiverses) & the characters are both incredibly unique & super memorable. i don't like to lean on lists of "representation" in book recs BUT on the other hand i don't generally connect with things that have absolutely no queerness in them, so. is there queerness here? yes! transness? debatably. is it "good rep"? totally beside the point. no. yes if you're like me & you prefer things to be messy & weird? whatever

these books are raunchy & explicit. they're hilarious. the first one horrified me & the last one made me tear up. this traumatized fantasy found family has wormed its way into my heart & i am going to be in love with a cockroach ("fairy") & a blood-sucking miniature machine planet (which is also sort of a cat?) for the rest of my life. other excellent characters include psychic plants & fungi, vicious paper people, sentient stuffed animals with semi-automatic weapons, a lesbian fire dragon & the scariest unicorns you've ever seen.

no one i know has ever heard of these books (though someone in my town owned them! who are you. where are you. why did you give them up). please, please some else read them & talk to me about them. give the first one a try - about halfway through it, i could not put it down.

#miracle jones #the fold #book reccs #SFF #indie authors #instar publishing #ezra reads

[wolfsbanesparks]

I really, really love your fanfic Split. You tackle the concept of identity quite well, and it really feels authentic to the spirit of Billy Batson and Captain Marvel. You capture each character's voice so well that it is seamless when read; I could hear and visualize each character speaking or doing an action.

I wonder how you realistically portray the internal and external conflicts regarding their gender, autonomy, and bond.

Did you draw it from your own life, research, or people you know? It is quite a personal question you do not have to answer; I was just curious. I would also like to ask what would be the best way to portray that relationship accurately—as you do—so the process feels more like representation and not appropriation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Oh wow, thank you so much! This honestly made my day!💜💜💜

I'll try my best to answer your questions and give some tips. But some things are just hard to put into words you know?

Under the cut because it got pretty long.

I would say that I don't often base things purely on my own experiences, but my life, the stories I've heard or read, the people I've met, all inform how I write and what I write.

So I am Agender and I was assigned female at birth. I'm also aromantic and asexual, so I have spent a lot of time in queer spaces both online and irl. Which means ive had a lot of opportunities to talk to and learn from people with different experiences with gender and sexuality than my own. My journey of self discovery was honestly pretty easy with very little gender dysphoria and a lot of acceptance from people around me.

When I wrote Captain Marvel having very little connection to gender with no real preference for pronouns, just sort of accepting people's assumptions of his gender based on his looks, that's me. My connection to gender is extremely loose, basically nonexistent, but i dont really care if people know that or not. It's not the most common experience but it is my experience. And I thought it would make sense to apply that to my version of Captain Marvel because he has had many different forms, but his expression depended on his hosts and their ideas of gender.

When I'm writing about Billy’s struggles with gender, I often take my own experiences of being AFAB mixed with things I've learned from the trans masc community. I'm not trans masc myself, but there are certain parts that resonate with me that I include. Honestly I'm often nervous when posting chapters that focus heavily on that because, like you, I want to be both accurate and respectful. But so far the responses I've gotten are overwhelmingly positive.

And my thoughts on Billy and Captain Marvel’s relationship has evolved since I first started writing them. They know each other completely and they wouldn’t be who they are now without the other’s influence. The character of Captain Marvel is incomplete with Billy Batson and vice versa. Portraying that in a fic has been one of the major challenges of writing Split but is also the main reason the fic exists in the first place.

Drawing on older golden age comics, Billy and Captain Marvel are basically the ultimate tag team and each other’s biggest supporters. But they had distinct differences and on rare occasions got into arguments about how to live as one person.

When I write them, I try to highlight that Captain Marvel is more mature with a lot more lived experience that he draws on. But that doesn’t mean Billy is immature. Far from it. But he is a kid who doesn't really trust most adults and that leads to him making certain decisions that are more reckless.

In Split they are trying very hard to keep up appearances, but despite their combined experience neither really knows what would be considered normal. There's a certain amount of being out of touch or misinformed that makes their characters more endearing to me.

If you want to write them yourself (and I would always encourage people to go for it!) I suggest deciding early on what parts of Billy cross over to Cap. Figures of speech (ex: holy moley!), body language (do they both put their hands on their hips when confident or rub the back of their neck when embarrassed?), morality (what lines can and can't be crossed), and certain likes and dislikes would be a good start. From there decide what's unique to each of them. For example I often have Cap be more skilled at/knowledgable of magic even if Billy also studies magic, but is also pretty shy around other people. Billy on the other hand is more likely to curse and question authority but is also better at talking to people and connecting with them.

As a final note of advice, if you want to write about identities or experiences that you don't have: read about and talk to people who do. Whether it's fiction, blog posts, biographies, academic papers--all can help you get a more well rounded idea of what it's like and how you respectfully portray it. If you're still unsure, look for a sensitivity reader who can look over your work and help you make your story the respectful and realistic portrayal you want it to be. I'd even be willing to do that for you for things I felt qualified for. I know it's hard to take that leap sometimes but I promise it's worth it!

Whew! That was long and maybe a little rambling but I hoped it answered your questions!

#fanfic asks #my writing #Billy Batson #shazam #dc captain marvel #ask me whatever you want y'all #lots of rambling that i hope makes sense

[gigantomachylesbian]

saw your storygraph post, and now i'm wondering, do you have any favorites amongst the LGBTQIA+ books you've read so far this year? would you recommend any of them? i'd love to hear your answer!

Yeah absolutely! I'll try to recommend a variety of things (without going overboard) but I must admit that I'm very biased towards epic fantasy and horror in my reading (also wlw stuff more than anything else, though I'm trying to broaden my horizons a bit!) Under the cut because I have so much to say about books literally all the time every day.

She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan.

This is my absolute favorite book I've read so far this year, and it probably makes my top 3 overall! This is a historical fantasy novel inspired by the rise of the real-life Hongwu Emperor in the 1300s in China. It follows Zhu, a girl who takes on her dead brother's identity to also claim his fate of greatness, becoming a skilled tactician and ruthless enemy along her rise to power. This book has some of the best scheming, back-stabbing, and vying for power I've ever read--I cannot possibly emphasize enough that a guy gets drawn and quartered and it was delightful to me <3. In addition to just being deeply compelling and well-written (Zhu is SUCH a good, complex character, she is absolutely ruthless and clever and perceptive), it has some really interesting representation! Because it's set in historical China, a lot of this stuff isn't stated explicitly in the way it would be in, like, a contemporary novel, but it's absolutely clear in both how the text is written and its themes. Zhu does have a romance with a woman which I really enjoyed, and at a certain point she acknowledges that, while she's not a man despite living as one to maintain her power, she's not really a woman, either. At the same time, our other POV character (and Zhu's narrative foil, which is done so well it makes me BANANAS), is Ouyang, a eunuch within the Mongolian army who, while not transgender, faces a unique, interesting, and incredibly degrading position of gender within this society due to his status as a eunuch, and it drives everything he does. He's literally my favorite character in the entire book I need to study him like a bug. ALSO he's gay. She Who Became the Sun really explores, through Zhu and Ouyang, this theme of "like recognizes like," where, despite being on opposing sides, Zhu is able to recognize in Ouyang this sort of precarious gender status she herself experiences, and understand him better for it. This book is complex, extremely well-written, and delivered everything I want from a historical fantasy, from rich settings, cut-throat politics, complex and morally gray characters and, of course, ghosts! The sequel (I believe the series is a duology?) comes out this summer and I AM going to flip out about it.

Honey Girl by Morgan Rogers.

Now, on a totally different note, I've got a contemporary romance! But not really of the rom-com variety necessarily. This novel follows Grace Porter, who recently completed her Astronomy PhD and celebrated by letting loose for once in her life--which results in her having a vegas wedding with a girl she just met. As silly as that premise is, much of the novel focuses on, yes, Grace's developing relationship with Yuki as the two connect, but also on the effects that Grace's perfectionism and burnout have on her mental health. The novel explores her feelings of uncertainty about her future, as well as how the scientific field she loves is 10 times harder for her to succeed in as a queer black woman, even when she's dedicated her whole life to it. It has some incredible discussions of both the beauty of science and of storytelling, a delightful and fleshed-out set of side characters (including a fantastic queer friend group that I adored), and absolutely beautiful, rich descriptions and prose. I absolutely adore Grace as a character and find her to be just so incredibly real and believable, and this was a book I could just sink right into with its beautiful descriptions.

Hell Followed With Us by Andrew Joseph White. Now we're onto a YA dystopian horror! This novel follows Benji, a trans teenager whose eco-fascist, Christian cult has destroyed most of the world, and turned him into a bioweapon to destroy the rest. He's on the run, and finds refuge in a group of survivors based out of a local LGBT+ teen center as they fight to survive when faced with the murderous cult members, horrible conglomerations of flesh and bone made to kill them, and a damaged, burning Earth. This novel has some absolutely fantastic body horror! It's very gnarly, and combines a lot of meat with Christian imagery in a way that was just delightful. The tension and horror elements definitely worked for me, and I really enjoyed Benji as a protagonist. Benji's experiences as a trans kid are pretty heavily focused on, especially combined with the community he finds in the other survivors and his relationships with them. Also, his love interest is canonically autistic! Overall, Hell Followed With Us has a great balance of nasty body horror, the challenges of fighting to survive, and the hope found in community.

Okay those are the only books I'm letting myself write extensive recommendations for because otherwise I'll be here all day, but here's some bonus recommendations: The Burning Kingdoms series by Tasha Suri (lesbian epic fantasy series, 2 books so far, Indian-inspired fantasy world with incredible world building, action, and complex women <3. Also in my top favorites from this year!), A Strange and Stubborn Endurance by Foz Meadows (mlm fantasy romance, explores cultural differences really well+a powerful trauma recovery narrative (with a touch of vengeance <3), first book in a series but the second isn't out yet, I LOVED this book and its characters and the romance so so so much, but do heed the trigger warnings as it starts out pretty dark), Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth (Horror that plays with metafiction, weaves together narratives of past tragedies at an all-girls boarding school with the making of a contemporary film about those events, lesbian+bi+polyamorous rep, grossnasty bug stuff+picnic at hanging rock vibes. An absolute blast!).

Okay those are all my recommendations for now (and limited to just what I've read this year) BUT if you're looking for a specific genre, type of representation, or even just something more lighthearted than most of what I've mentioned, please don't hesitate to ask! I definitely have way more things I could've recommended if I didn't want this post to be a million miles long. Also thank you for asking! :^D

#k talks #k reads #she who became the sun #honey girl #hell followed with us #also. it's worth noting that the title of she who became the sun is a fucking pun. because she. she takes her brother's identity. #she becomes. the son. #ty again for the ask!!!! I love love love getting to talk about books <3. I think I mentioned just about all of my faves for this year

[lgbtqcartoons]

Voltron

Voltron: Legendary Defender is a Netflix original spinoff of the original 1984 Voltron series. Voltron: Legendary Defender’s massive fanbase is what drew me into the show. It really had nothing to do with the plot, but rather the likability of the characters. There were always fun dynamics between them despite being in nerve-wracking situations. One thing that really hooked me was that one of the main characters, Pidge, was changed from a boy in the original 1984 series to be a girl. I instantly connected with her character, as I felt seen watching a girl the same age as me be able to do equally cool and badass things that her male colleagues were doing. Analyzing scripted sexualities in media has helped me see that this was a big breakthrough for this long running series, to be able to change a character so deeply embedded in the storyline to be almost the same, but as a girl. Despite the heavy critics from viewers on gender portrayals for the past few decades, binary and strict gender norms are still prominently shown in media today (Scripted Sexualities, Week 4).  

While watching Voltron: Legendary Defender, however, I had noticed that there was a lot of queerbaiting. Any fan of the show will understand what I mean when I mention “Klance” (a.k.a Keith and Lance). Essentially, two of the main male characters that had a love-hate type of bond that the fans enjoyed shipping together, and the show writers used that to their advantage to gain and maintain viewers. This would be considered queerbaiting, which is “the use of potential queer storylines to lure in LGBTQ+ fans... and then never actually have the storyline develop” (Queering Media, Week 5). There was not any sort of clear evidence of romantic interest, but rather random moments of flirty banter between them throughout the show. It began in the first season when Lance denies that Keith had saved him during a battle, and Keith exclaims: “We had a bonding moment! I cradled you in my arms!”. The mixture of that line and the referenced scene itself was satisfying enough for the fandom to begin shipping them intensely. They are the most written about ship from the show on fanfiction websites and was the top ship of 2017 on Tumblr.  

However, as previously mentioned, the show writers played along with the ship for the advantage of a wider audience reach, but never wrote it into the show any further than playful/flirty banter. There was never any verbal confirmation of a relationship or crush between either of them. This problem comes reoccurs when the writers decide to reveal that one of the other main characters, Shiro, is supposed to be gay and was previously engaged to a man. This information was released at San Diego Comic-Con before the premier of the seventh season. While the show then proceeds to show flashbacks of the interactions between Shiro and his fiancé, it was yet again never verbally confirmed in the show. In the seventh season, the fiancé is then killed off, right after his introduction. This is popularly known as “Bury Your Gays”, in which LGBTQ+ characters in books, movies, and TV shows had to struggle, suffer, or be killed off for them to be represented on screen (Queering Media, Week 5). This phenomenon is so overdone that there are articles that actually list the minority of LGBTQ+ TV shows that do have a happy ending (Woods & Hardman, 2022).  

Overall, while the representation is mainly mixed, I feel as though it leans towards a negative representation of LGBTQ+ characters and relationships. I think what was done for Pidge’s character is by far the best for representation, while Shiro and his fiancé, as well as Keith and Lance were more on the questionable side when it comes to proper representation. 

The two videos linked below are two different perspectives on how Shiro’s LGBTQ+ storyline was handled. This is simply included for a more in-depth look, as well as some alternate opinions compared to my own.