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lowgothree · 2 months

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001. ༺...OR JUST LOOK LIKE ONE༻∘

summary: after getting unexpectedly left by your roommate, you find yourself in need of a replacement.

contents: reader is down bad. paige in a situationship. kinda angsty.

previous. next. masterlist.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

the apartment is a lot quieter without tina. she made a lot of noise. you could still vaguely hear her terrible singing as she’d shower, cook, or clean; how she’d wake up early in the morning to make elbarote breakfasts that caused pots and pans to fall…very often; and the fact that she’d watch anything on her phone at max volume.

in retrospect, she was kind of annoying.

but she was nice and you lived with her for almost a year. you’d gotten so used to her.

but now, it’s quiet. and the only thoughts you had were thoughts of not being able to afford rent next month. luckily, sean, your best friend knows basically everyone on campus and kindly agreed to ask around for you.

you’re in your car after stopping to get fast food. you shove a few fries in your month as sean shuffles through his phone to show his instagram conversation with a potential roommate for you.

“okay, so…” sean shoves his phone in your face. “this…is ellie. she’s looking for a roommate and –– ”

“i slept with her…” you mumble after seeing the username. “didn’t end so well…”

“damn…okay, next.” he swipes through his phone again. “okay…this is emily. she’s a straight a student and wants to know if you’re okay with pets?”

you hum. “what kind of pet?”

“um…let’s see.” he shuffles through the text conversation and chuckles. “oh, a twelve inch snake?”

“no thank you…”

“aw, really? it’s kinda cute actually…”

“nope.”

“okay, next candidate.” he takes a big bite of his burger, chews for a while then takes a sip of his drink before he slides through his phone again. “alright, we have paige…it seems like she’s coming from a similar situation to you. roommate kicked her out after getting married at 19…yikes.”

you peer over at his phone. “give her my number…”

“already trying to sleep with her too?” sean snorts and you roll your eyes.

“so that i can text her about the place, idiot.”

“oh, yeah…” he taps on his phone a few more times and then you feel your phone vibrate.

FROM: PAIGE

i got ur number from sean

you’re looking for a roommate?

TO: PAIGE

yes!!

just have a few questions first

FROM: PAIGE

like what?

TO: PAIGE

do u smoke?

or own a ten inch snake?

and do u wash ur dishes?

FROM: PAIGE

nope

no??

yes

TO: PAIGE

*address*

are you able to come over tomorrow?

FROM: PAIGE

yes

what time?

TO: PAIGE

whatever works

FROM: PAIGE

i’ll come over around 12:30 then?

you smile at sean, relaxing for the first time since tina moved out. “thank you so much, sean. seriously.”

“hey, i would’ve let you stay with me but i live in a tiny ass dorm so…” he chuckles. “besides, if you became homeless, where am i supposed to go when my roommate need the room to fuck his boyfriend?”

you snicker. “good point. is it really that bad, though?”

“they’re like feral rabbits…” he mutters.

the next day, you hear a knock at the door at 12:27. she’s punctual, that’s a good sign. you open the door, breath catching in your throat when you see her. she smiled at you and you died a little.

damn, why didn’t sean tell you that she looked like that?

she’s tall, definitely athletic by build, pretty eyes, and a warm smile. you’re fucked.

“hey, i’m paige.” she holds her hand out for you to shake and you have to physically refrain from shuddering. hello, paige. her voice…welcoming and warm, you hand to clear your throat to stop yourself from screaming.

it’s a great terrible idea to fuck your roomate. you remind yourself over and over again as you take her hand, tell her your name which she already knew, and invite her into your apartment.

“nice place…” she steps inside cautiously.

“thanks.” you stop yourself from checking her out any longer, not wanting to be creepy. stop being fucking creepy.

she looks around, you’d just finished cleaning.

“so you’re an athlete?” you clear your throat, trying to politely strike up conversation.

“yeah, basketball.”

you internally groan at the slight smile she gives you when she answers your question.

“that’s –– ” hot. “cool.”

she nods, turning to face you. “so is there anything i should know before i agree to move in?”

“oh…well, my best friend sean comes over sometimes. he sleeps on the couch occasionally but he’s really clean and respectful.” she nods, not looking bothered by that information. “and, um…i’m gay if that sort of thing bothers you…”

she snickers, shaking her head to herself. “doesn’t bother me at all…”

“oh? are you…?” “yeah.”

damnit. she looks like that and she likes girls? you’re so fucked.

“what about you?”

“what about me?” she licks her lips.

“anything i should know about you before i give you the key.”

“well, i’m kind of in…a relationship. kind of, not really.” fuck, that sounds complicated. too complicated. “it’s…i dunno…but, uh, she might come over if that’s okay?”

you swallow thickly, yes that sucks goodbye!! “no, i get it…no problem as long as you pay your rent on time.” you die a little on the inside again.

she smiles again, it’s painfully beautiful. “i can definitely do that.”

you hand her the key and clear your throat again. “alright, roomie.”

#rock the boat!#paige bueckers x reader

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aralisj · 4 months

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So I went to see the Mexican production of Anastasia and I have a lot of feelings and thoughts:

Like the tour and international productions, there's a cut from Learn to Do It, and Crossing a Bridge is replaced with Paris Holds the Key (Reprise)- which is a damn shame because if there ever was an Anya that could do justice to Crossing a Bridge that's Mariana Dávila (apparently, she has an almost three octave range? The fuck?!)

Javier Manente (Dmitry) is 1.86m (6'2'') and Mariana Dávila (Anya) is 1.56m (5'2'') which is just insane.

And so Javi honors the ancient Dima tradition of being more of a mover than a dancer, way too tall, handsome and with the voice of an angel 🥰

Mariana is a powerhouse - her voice is stunning and her rendition of In My Dreams will haunt me for months.

Christy and Derek's dynamic was very confrontational for Act 1, very movie Dimya, while Mariana and Javi are more of a hopeful/cynic vibe which also works very well.

Manuel Corta's Vlad is more of a tenor than a baritone so that makes some of the harmonies sound a little hollow but that's me nitpicking because his voice is lovely.

He is short, taller than Anya but shorter than Lily - which makes for a few comedic beats to hit harder, mainly choreography and the line "from the first moment I saw you, I knew I was beneath you".

Carlos Quezada's Gleb is probably the slimiest I've seen yet (Ramin, Max and Constantine). In the scene in his office, instead of grabbing Anya by the arm to stop her from leaving, he grabs her by the waist and talks into her hair?!?! It doesn't help that the translation of Still emphasizes how childlike and innocent Anya is (yikes 😬). The vibes are fatal attraction and the last confrontation feels very much like Anya would rather die than be Gleb's which is a different take for sure.

Even if I didn't love his take on the character, his voice was incredible, he played up the growl at the end of Still into an almost metal/rock thing that I loved

(I just found out that he previously played Scar in The Lion King and Javert in Les Mis which makes so much sense in retrospect)

All song translations are the same as the Madrid production, except for Journey to the Past where they use the translation from the movie (God I wish they had done that for Once Upon a December too)

In the almost kiss for In a Crowd of Thousands they got so close 👀 Christy and Derek left a little room for Jesus between them and usually grabbed each other by the forearms. My boy Javi went straight to cup Mariana's face and touch her hair while she touched his hands and tugged at his shirt!!! Real romantic stuff

Their voices sound so nice together (if you haven't heard their cover of Hadestown you should)

Lily was fucking incredible. The dance scenes! I always thought it was crazy that she had two consecutive dance heavy numbers and she delivered!!! Her singing was superb at all times.

The ballet number was so good!!! All the dancers got a big ovation

Experiencing Stay I Pray You live? I felt it inside my chest, I was so close to tears! (I missed Constantine's voice though 😩)

Irasema Terrazas as The Dowager was amazing, she has that old timey, 1940s starlet quality to her voice that is just mesmerizing.

The costumes are very pretty, lovely quality, and almost the same as Broadway's. If I remember correctly, the ones that were markedly different in terms of fabric were Lily's Neva dress and press dress, and Gleb's coat. The silhouettes are pretty much the same (though The Paris Holds the Key dress was very much a maxi skirt on Mariana 🤭)

#i felt like a seasoned professional but also like a little kid <3 #anastasia #anastasia mexico

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benkyoutobentou · 26 days

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31 Days of Productivity Reading: Retrospective

This ended up being an entire essay so I had to make it into its own post!

How did my goals turn out? I'm so glad you asked.

Finish No. 6 volume 3

[X] Read [half of] 憎らしい彼

Read 独り舞

Read at least ten volumes of manga

[30/31] Read at least an hour per day

Personally, I think I did alright with my goals, especially considering how busy I was during the first few weeks of the month. I only missed my reading goal one day out of the month! I'm happy with that! That one miss was definitely odd though. The very next day, I found myself debating if I should still hit the hour mark. After all, I had already missed one day. What's one more? But I squashed that thought and continued on as though I never missed at all. Missing only once is better than missing twice!

During the course of this challenge, I finished twelve books (two novels and ten manga volumes) and started one more novel. The two novels I finished were No. 6 volume three by Asano Atsuko and 独り舞 by Li Kotomi, the novel I started but didn't get around to finishing was 憎らしい彼 by Nagira Yuu (which is the second book in the美しい彼 series). The manga volumes that I read were 僕らの地球の歩き方 (5) by Sorai Mone, 光が死んだ夏 (4) by Mokmok Len, ベルサイユのばら (1, 2) by Ikeda Riyoko, ３月のライオン (5) by Umino Chica, and ロンリーガールに逆らえない (1-5) by Kashikaze. If I were forced to pick a favorite of the month, I think I would have to choose volume five of ボクチキ but I feel like that's kind of cheating, since it's already my favorite manga series. Most of what I read during the month ended up being continuations of series that I had previously started reading, and I only read two completely new to me things (独り舞 and ロンガル).

Did my physical tbr shrink during this challenge? No! Not at all! Yikes! At the beginning of the month, I got a huge package of eighteen books from a lovely friend over on Instagram who doesn't read Japanese and was getting rid of them anyways. Then, I found the entirety of Basara at a used book shop and picked up the first five volumes. I want to start reading more older and classic shoujo, so this was the perfect opportunity to pick up a series that I probably wouldn't have read otherwise. So in the end, my Japanese tbr ended up expanding by thirteen books, but at least it didn't expand by twenty three, right?

As much as this challenge was a success, it was also a failure. I started this challenge to encourage myself to prioritize reading in my schedule and, honestly, that didn't happen as much as I had hoped. I talked a bit about this with a neighbor who wants to practice piano more, but I think that sometimes, putting emphasis on something can create a mental block, no matter how much you enjoy the activity. Especially with a challenge like this, I constantly felt like I had to have enough time to read. What even is enough time to read? Instead of picking up a book whenever and wherever, I was trying to force time for it, which just ended up making it so that I would push off reading until the very end of the day. It's the same as with practicing piano. If you stop to play a little song when you have five minutes, you'll probably play a lot more in the day than if you specifically try to find enough time for a full hour long practice session. Often, those little pick ups turn into a lot more if you let them.

I mentioned this a bit before, but I'd like to say it again and possibly expand on it. I think I'd like to bring this challenge back in a few months, but instead of focusing on time spent, focus more on page count. This would encourage those small pick ups rather than discourage them, as I felt this timing method did. Each time I wanted to read, I had to start the timer, stop it every time I got interrupted, and overall it was kind of a pain. Definitely not the ideal reading circumstances.

One thing that I did like about the timing system was being able to see my average reading speed. My average speed ended up being a little bit faster than what I had previously thought! My guess before this was about five minutes per novel page. I'm not a whole lot faster than that, but small progress is still progress! It was also interesting to see how my reading speed differed between different manga series and wh that was. I read some series that I knew were slower reads for me (３月のライオン) and some that I knew would be easier (ロンガル) but actually seeing the differences in the way the manga was written and drawn and how that related to my reading speed was interesting. I didn't get to all the manga series I wanted to in the end, but I won't stop reading just because this challenge is over.

Overall, I am really glad that I did this challenge. I had a lot of fun writing these updates each day and I am glad that I got through some books on my tbr, even if I would have liked to have made a bit more progress than I did. Expect to see more of this in the future! Just, maybe not the super near future. I'm also thinking of other fun reading challenges to do... Someone I follow on Instagram has an immersion bingo board that they complete each month, so maybe I could do that with my Japanese rads? Much to be considered... Until next time!

#i actually found that i kinda had choice paralysis today #i started two different (eng) books today and really should get to my library book #and im also kinda feeling like i might pick up a volume of manga tomorrow (today when you see this)#benkyou posting #langblr #studyblr #language learning #polyglot #30 days of productivity #booklr

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sapphirepolexia · 1 month

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this nickelodeon documentary is all I’ve been thinking about all day. i didn’t have disney channel as a kid (wasn’t part of basic cable til later) so my siblings and i were HUGE Nickelodeon kids and watching this just twisted up all the nostalgia in the worst way. like some of the clips they talked about like the peanut butter dogs thing- i vividly remember watching that on the sofa with my sister and laughing as a little kid at how gross and “silly” it was. or the fact that of course 6 year old me didn’t recognize things like penelope taynt’s name or the heavy fixation on feet…now the nostalgia is almost ruined.

but the biggest thing was seeing that part when drake bell walked out, my stomach sank immediately and i felt so sad. Before all of his controversy in recent years, i was a big fan of him growing up- he was my first celebrity crush and i loved his music, went to his shows. so naturally i was completely disappointed when everything came out about what he’d been up to...but at the same time, i wasn’t surprised…particularly because he used to DM me (just like MANY other young girls) on Twitter when i was like 14/15. At the time I didn’t think anything was wrong with that, i just thought oh my god i must be so special and felt so excited 😅 i didn’t recognize that it was actually super weird for him to be messaging with me (not too innocently either) when he was like 25. i’m still so embarrassed about that now in retrospect, that i entertained that- only a small few of my friends know about that. i had actually kind of forgotten about all of that until those allegations came out.

and now hearing his story about Brian Peck and everything that happened, obviously it’s not surprising, and a lot of his behaviors kind of make sense. it’s heartbreaking. makes me wonder how many others that i idolized growing up were dealing with the same thing or similar. it’s such a weird feeling too, feeling sympathy and sadness for someone who grew up to show similar predatorial tendencies, while at the same time fully acknowledging that he is very much guilty of his own shit. It doesn’t excuse it at all, just provides more context.

idk why i’m writing this massive essay about this documentary lol but i just found it extremely striking and yeah, we all already knew Dan Schneider was a creep but wow, that man is just one big YIKES.

anyways…i know nobody cares about my commentary lmao but i highly recommend watching the doc.

#personal

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triflesandparsnips · 6 months

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Off the back of your RPF post (which I wholeheartedly endorse, support, etc), why do critics totally forget the concept of public personas? We all have them (see any social media account, work!You versus friends!You, etc), so why are people being so precious about RPF being the Nice and Accurate Representation of someone?

note 1) Once upon a time, I [very stupidly, in retrospect, but fuelled entirely by morbid curiosity] dipped into some RPF about two people I had worked with and, naturally, it was in no way like the people involved. Of course it wasn't. Because the people in real life are sometimes pathologically shy or have a really terrible sense of humour or don't give a damn about the character they're playing, but get paid a lot to sound like they do. The exact opposite is also true.

You are 1000% right that the critics who spout awful nonsense about reading/writing RPF totally miss the part where the people in RPF do not exist because we as fans do not know strangers' personalities.

But also...

note 2) there's a reason famous people generally keep stuff like that at arm's length because, really, can you imagine someone shipping you with Jan from Accounts and then reading about it? No? Exactly.

Yikes. Sorry. This wasn't meant to come off as a rant, more a co-sign to what you wrote! Just wanted to reach out and agree. I've no need/desire for you to respond if you don't fancy it :)

(Also, sorry Jan from Accounts, I'm sure you're lovely, I just don't have the spoons for that kind of relationship)

Yes! ABSOLUTELY.

Regarding note 1: Anon, I KNOW THAT FEEL. There are Folks on tumblr here and also In Various Public Spaces that I definitely work with and/or exist alongside in the same work community, and what fans (or, in some cases, just people outside that work community) believe those Folks are like in Real Life is... deeply inaccurate. But what few things they do "know" are "facts" that have been specifically shared as part of the persona! And where there are gaps in the persona (similar to where there are gaps in a piece of media), fans will add their own emotional narrative logic to try and fill in the blanks-- and the folly comes (as anyone who goes ALL IN on a piece of fanon or personal heartcanon) from believing that the shit you made up is somehow actually true.

And regarding note 2: YES ALSO ABSOLUTELY. Like, let people make their own terrible decisions because they are goddamn adults and/or let them curate their experience with the help of their actual friends. We can't know what these Public People want to do! We can't know what they're okay with! STOP SHOWING UP IN THEIR LIVING ROOM, FFS.

John Oliver has a delightful story about reading Daily Show slash RPF that he got from a friend (or so he says, in the middle of a comedy show, which is also a crafted work that could be full of lies for the sake of the narrative). In his comedy narrative, he wasn't into it! But even assuming it's all true, it was his choice to continue reading, and his choice to turn it into a comedy routine. Because he is an adult who gets to make that choice.

2010s bandom, on the other hand, was a cornucopia of RPF because the bands publicly talked about or referenced reading fic about themselves (to the degree that a common fic warning was "Stop googling yourself, Gabe"). They also got to make that decision! Fans got kind of uncomfortable about it! Bandom looked into the void and the void looked back and said "That was hot."

(Meanwhile, if you continue to believe John Oliver's comedy routines, he also discusses the ramifications of googling yourself, but by god, it's still his choice to make.)

(...And because of these choices he and his writing team on Last Week Tonight have been able to do some truly fantastic shenanigans, including, for instance, collecting digital data from Congress using ads for "Ted Cruz erotic fan fiction". So like. Even personal tragedy can lead to Art, so jot that down.)

Finally, Zach Kornfeld from the Try Guys (which hey if we wanna talk about the difference between personas and reality, ahahaha) specifically discusses what it means to be reliant on the parasocial relationship between audience and creator:

You know, look, the parasocial relationship is the only reason I'm here. It's the people who watch me, I owe them everything and I wanna give them everything. But there has to be boundaries you create. It's a really tricky thing. I also don't want to abuse that relationship. I think it's really easy to look at your audience and go, like, "We're friends," and "Come on, you love me, support me." We're not friends. You don't know me. I'm lying to you all the time. I'm curating what I give you. I'm trying to make myself look as good as possible. The job of a creator is to be as broadly likable as possible all the time.

And like... yeah. YEAH.

RPF is fiction. From the top to the bottom, from the beginning to the end. And the moment you think any of it actually touches on the """truth""" of a real person, you are the one making things fucking weird.

#talking to my anons #RPF #fandom #writing #jfc

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petruchio · 10 months

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i was on a plane but since i know everyone on here was obviously intensely and deeply curious about my thoughts on speak now tv i live blogged in my notes app and now i’ll simply paste my takes here:

Overall tv ranking to me is fearless = sn > red

Fearless improved on several tracks and gave us bye bye baby official (best vault track by a mile) but i still can’t listen to the new YBWM. Red tv massacred every pop track AND lost the raw emotion, so for me not a single song on red tv comes close to the originals. SN doesn’t make any of the songs actively worse (so overall it’s better than red), it’s just missing some of the rawness of the original and the vault tracks are all boring.

Best tracks (ones I would replay on purpose): speak now the song, the story of us (imo both of the songs that she seems to struggle with vocally on the og recordings so the melodies sound cleaner on the tvs)

There’s a really weird clip in the vocals in the original mine at 2:52 (I’ll/never leave you alone) that finally got fixed which scratches my brain. But the rhythm of the chorus sounds off in the re recording, like the emphasis is more on the off beat or something. She says like reMEMber instead of REmemeber. Not a big deal just noticeable to me. Mine is such a good song though like it’s crazy.

Speak now the song is legitimately superior to the original — it was always pitched a little high for her voice and she does the “hold” in the bridge like in the live recording and which I have always loved. (Aka she actually pronounced the H and the word sounds fuller) Always thought she sounded pitchy on the original recording anyway but the tour version is so good, so this is a good middle ground for me.

She sounds bored in some tracks. Like Dear John doesn’t have the same energy. (She’s probably embarrassed to sing “i loved you so” because in retrospect it’s like… yikes. But the og will always win for the intensity)

None of the vault tracks are knockouts and it’s pretty obvious why they were cut, bc like, they’re worse. Fearless tv still wins for best vault track (bye bye baby) and red for overall quality of the vault, this vault was such a let down tbh. Holding onto hope that the debut vault will give us good country taylor back, bc this vault just … didn’t do it for me. Sorry

I miss nathan chapmans backing vocals, no shade to the guy she has doing the tv backing vocals but he was very present on speak now and his absence is notable imo

Production seems more subdued. Like i miss the LOUD guitars on the original dear John. Vocals are more forward in the mix in almost all the songs which sounds cleaner but just not as messy/raw (backing vocals on mean are quieter in the end for example)

“Pathetic” does not hit the same on the new mean.

Idc about the better than revenge lyric change, and especially because it’s about a real person (vs misery business which is just like, a song) (I always say btr was her attempt at her own version of misery business, the problem is that it’s about a real person that was very easy to pin it to) but i wonder if it kind of Streisand effect-s the original song. But overall I think changing it is a net positive, esp bc the original line was so insanely out of pocket for the situation.

That said the vintage dresses line doesn’t sound as sassy. Also “cause you’re so much better” is one of the funniest lines she ever wrote and in tv she just doesn’t sound as mad, which makes sense, but the original will always be funnier because of the anger she uses in her bitchy interpolation of a Jonas brothers song — nothing will ever be so iconic.

Better than revenge -> innocent on the track list is completely insane 13 years on. Like there’s so much venom aimed at a relatively random girl and such a sweet song for … Kanye west. Like huh. Innocent remains a great song though if you can divorce it from the muse.

Why did we have to do haunted like that… turn the echo down HAHA Might be the first time I’ve ever heard the “terribly wrong” line instead of “totally wrong” which I heard wrong since the first time I listened to the song.

We also got the tour vocals on the last “i just know” in haunted call that a WIN.

Last kiss suffers like dear John, just missing the emotion of the original.

Final chorus of long live just doesn’t build the same, but overall the recording is good. But the drums just don’t sound as strong so it doesn’t feel as exciting.

I guess i should’ve expected the vault to be mediocre bc speak now always did have the worst bonus tracks (superman still ranks as one of my least favorite songs… it just never needed to be released in any official capacity)

Overall I feel more positively toward the album itself than I do to red tv, im just disappointed the vault isn’t better. Im not one of those people who is obsessed with let’s go battle (it’s kind of juvenile lyrically but the melody is good) but like why leave that one unreleased if these were the other options lol. Anyway I like foolish one but the rest of the vault is either clunky or boring i said what i said!!

Fearless tv you will always be famous! Speak now tv you win for the best photo shoot and for not having anything as offensively bad as WANEGBT TV.

#tbh mostly posting this for future me #bc my reactions are always interesting to read like a few months later #taylor swift #caroline speaks

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emblemxeno · 11 months

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Heroes is actually pretty good with the Robins the rest of the media...yikes. But FRobin got two alts last year Valentines (MRobin was backpacking to Chrom) and rearmed (now I don't COUNT rearmed because that's Grima) but anyway Robin getting two this quick is just him catching up with that, if he was a premium banner unit I'd understand the complainants but he's just a bad grail unit. Because of RAFGrima I assume MGrima will hit somewhere I'm guessing mythic as there are no other Awakening heroes to use. Then FRobin has to get a bride or some banner unit in the future.

It's the legendary in the odd spot and if I was IS I'd do legendary Robin (f) anyway because well Grima isn't FRobin. Also a girl to sell. So MH MGrima to match with LHFGrima (who would have been a mythic instead of they existed back then) and LFRobin to match LFRobin like the Byleth's

My fear is they do count Grimas as Robins when despite what people may headcanon they aren't the same and so it ends up disproportionate for FRobin fans and MGrima fans (I've seen some around who feel due to the weird sexualization of FGrima they only like MGrima) and now MRobin is Robin while FRobin is stuck as sexy Grima but the huge issue with the Robins is their Grimas, otherwise in FEH at least like the other avatars they've done pretty well in treatment overall

That's fair. The Grimas really do muddy the waters a bit.

One of the tinfoil hat FEH theories that I like is that Legendary F!Robin was supposed to be a normal banner unit like the male one, and to be included alongside the Morgans instead of Chrom, and the horse Chrom would've been the legendary instead. Idk how much basis in reality that theory has, but overall I do think it's a very tough situation in retrospect that F!Robin's Legendary is stuck as a Grima :/

#queue #fire emblem discourse #feh

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gravitywonagain · 2 months

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writing patterns tag game

Rules: list the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern!

ahhh sorry @loosingmoreletters you tagged me in this days ago and i'm only getting to it now <3<3<3

i'm gonna include unedited stuff posted on tumblr because it's more fun for me that way :shrug: but i assume this isn't for like... subsequent chapters?

The Water's Right, It's Sinking In

Accepting Wei Wuxian's invitation was a mistake.

Inquiring Minds

It was, in retrospect, the stupidest possible way to be found out.

Boy Meets Sword

Mo Xuanyu closed his eyes as he worked to steady his breath.

Sympathy for the Devil

Wei Wuxian finds himself surprisingly calm as he pushes open the plate-glass door beneath the massive Cultivation Bureau of China insignia.

Can't Cheat Death While You're Digging Your Own Grave

This is not how this was supposed to go. This is not how any of this was supposed to go.

.👀.

He knew. He’d known.

.🤬.

Lan Yuan freezes.

.🐸.

Wei Wuxian didn’t mean to turn himself into a frog.

Beating Like a Hammer

The first time they meet, well… It sets a tone.

Words Are Gonna Bleed From Me

"I hear you can make the dead rise."

(yikes. yeah i've rewritten/heavily edited the first several chapters of wagbfm, but idk if i want to update them or not? ongoing discussion in which i tell my wife about the reworking of old chapters and she says "finish the new chapter already!" and she's right)

so mostly it seems that i use the first sentence to set tone rather than the scene, or often even the characters. not dialog very often, though i did notice that i do that more in later chapters as i was looking through (both sympathy and own grave have updates that start with quotes). i only use character names about half the time? i definitely thought i did that more. they're also mostly pretty short sentences, with sympathy as the obvious outlier. with the drabbles that mostly makes sense, but it's interesting in the longer fics. even when there's paired sentences, they're pretty short.

super fun! thanks letters! i might just go do this with the rest of them to see if anything else pops out at me!

Tagging: @epistemologys @amethyst-noir @dottie-wan-kenobi @greywake @dragons-of-ara and anyone else who wants to play!!

#tag game #first sentences tag game #my writing

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alyosiuscreightonward · 1 year

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Dear Diary.

Yesterday, 23rd of April, was hard for me for various reasons.

My foster son was born in 1986. 37 years old and apparently he’s homeless and living in Lost Wages. Here’s where I wonder if he’ll ever run into the Ex-Boyfriend, Mr Haole Luvah. 🤣

I’m pretty sure that my foster son is going to blame me for him being homeless and not having the money for the storage unit where he kept his mothers ashes.

I have mixed emotions about this. He was eight years old when I got a boyfriend and moved to FLA. If I didn’t move to FLA, I wouldn’t have had the chance to be the boyfriend. In the meantime, I’d hear things about him and I wanted to run to him and make it all better. This where I failed him. Those were the formative years and in retrospect, I know what he felt in some instances. Am I the Qween of Failed Relationships and I need to fix them?

Bitch please. We’ve all have failed ourselves and so has the other person failed us. Love is a two way street and it’s also a two way mirror. Nah. Don’t even. Your opinion or explanation about your situation is a moot point. Yeah, you’ve been denied.

I know I went overboard with sharing my feelings with him. I was never really told that I was loved by my parents. I was never really held close to their hearts and cuddled or coddled by them and I wanted to break that chain. I wanted him to know that his feelings are valid but I wasn’t there for him when he needed me. Though as a Tauren man, he like other Tauren men in my life, affection is on their terms and is rarely called upon, but when they want it, be very careful it just may disintegrate in the blink of an eye.

I think that he wanted it to be understood that he knew that I love him and that I was never ever allowed to be able to say those words. That is verboten. Nein bitte sprich nicht. I should’ve known that I was not allowed to let him know how I felt. Those who are Taurus ♉️ may say that they love you but they don’t want to hear from you because it will cause a problem.

The very last time I saw him was when he was in jail and behind several inches of bulletproof glass a few weeks before my mother passed. I told him that his mother and his aunt said that I had SA’ed him. I sat there on the phone while he looked down upon me as I was having the ugly cry. In between my gasps for air, I told him that I had been raped and I could never ever put those feelings on anyone ever. At 63, I’m still haunted by what happened to me and I cannot imagine how much pain it would cause the other person.

I’m sure he was horrified to hear that. I’m sure at that moment he wanted me to vanish from his life.

He too is like my professional photographer who lives in LA, just because I’m a Faggot Piece of Trash, I just want to have him perform fellatio and to have him ingest my zygotes and then I will give him my turgid body and I will then deposit my zygotes into his colon. This is so cheap like a cardboard cutout of a rainbow that Judy Garland once spoke of in a movie. No. Absolutely not. Absolutely not and most certainly the actual furthest thing from the truth. Not even Stephen King could write that shit.

As I write this, I quite clearly remember that my sister’s boyfriend proportioned me. Yeah he has a nice dick, but I turned him down. I just couldn’t.

I’m puzzled by CIS/Hetero men thinking that every single one of us Faggot Pieces of Trash just wants to suck their dicks just because. It is just as absurd as the first Lesbian you meet is going to show up the next morning with a U-Haul and demanding you get a companion animal and when you do they break up with you because they’re allergic to said animal.

What are you smoking or are you microdosing??? YIKES!!

Regardless of the circumstances, he will continue to be my foster son. I am well aware that I will never be of any consequence to him and he will continue to wish that I was never in his life.

The other item to talk about is that after five years, I left my job in the world of retail. It feels great. I’m going to miss seeing several people who are in my eyes, delicious.

I’m not sure if they’re ever going to get someone to do what I did but that’s neither here nor there.

I’m going to start a new job soon and I’m sure I’ll be better off. I’m just looking forward to buying a pair of Hoka Bondi’s and a pair of Hoka Trail Code’s. They’re pricey but worth it and I’ll wait.

Anyway, ciao for now.

#dear diary #i wrote this for me #lgbtq #bipolar depression #inside my mind #my words #my writing #no your not the only one #pity party #ramblings #reality stranger than fiction #self love #vomiting #wnq writers #writers on tumblr #journal #self help #self loathing

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shit-talk-turner · 1 year

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sorry but Alexa was more famous than Alex was in that time, everybody wanted to be her, have her hair, dress like her and be cool like her. she used to work in MTV and did some shows and interviews as well, after a while she met Alex and they started to date. // no, alexa and alex met and later started dating in 2007, I think they first showed up in the tabloids around the time she was still hosting popworld (or shortly after it was cancelled in ~early/mid 2007, she and Alex Zane started hosting it some time in 2006 and ratings were really not good after Simon and miquita left, Alexa was on another channel 4 (I think) show in 2007 as well and that was also canceled very quickly. Nothing against Alexa and good for her for working towards a career for herself but her tv shows have never been successful or the reason why she was famous - around the time she and Alex met in 2007 she was commonly referred to as the girl who ruined popworld and wasn’t known for anything else yet). She started getting noticed somewhat in late 2007 for her style but didn’t really take off until 2008 and especially 2009. She got the MTV gig in 2009. Not saying she became famous because of Alex, but her profile rose after they started dating and she was definitely not more famous than him when they met (though her PR people worked really hard to get stories about her in the tabloids throughout 2007, no hate or judgment towards Alexa for this, she used it to her advantage and good on her for achieving what she wanted - but there were lots of stories very obviously planted by her team in the tabloids in 2007 about her and James from klaxons, faris from the horrors, Alex, Ian from lostprophets (yikes, in retrospect), I think even Adam Brody.). When Alexa and Alex started dating Alexa was essentially a more obscure British version of Cory Kennedy and she didn’t start getting real fashion cred until after she and Alex got together (iirc a lot of that was kickstarted through her friendships with Henry holland and later agyness deyn as well)

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justmysicklypride · 2 years

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Not me thinking of twewy again (which, spoilers btw for both the game and the sequel) but looking back, like I think one of the reasons why I, personally, enjoyed og twewy more than Neo was bc the first game felt like you had a lot more... freedom? Like idk if it's just me, but I remembered Neo being quite I guess, regimented, like you had a set goal or mission and you had to get from point A to B to C in that order to complete each day, whereas in og twewy, yeah, you had to get to a certain point or do certain things to progress as well, but the way you get there isn't so clear cut, but at the same time, it also works oddly well to fit the protag each game?? (And yikes this is getting long, I should probably put the rest under a read more)

(Also, disclaimer, I don't remember Neo as well as og so I do apologise and pls let me know if I like remembered something wrong bc I'm writing this literally going by my own memory and nothing else LMAO)

Like the most obvious examples for og twewy is like in week 2, where our favourite math catboy basically said "fuck missions I'm getting ready to fight god", causing us to have no choice but to follow crinkled receipt boy around Shibuya all while he pretends to declare war on himself. More specifically I'm talking about the ramen "mission", where literally the only instruction you get is from Hanekoma saying to "go walk around Shibuya with Joshua" or whatever, and you know what? That was such an enjoyable gameplay moment for me (sans Joshua's stupid smugass retorts ofc) where despite the magnitude of the map not being that big in retrospect, I really did feel like I was just going around Shibuya and exploring what the city had to offer (and dare I say, was also what made me grow to like Joshua as a character, which I won't get into bc that's beside the point), and then when I'd accidentally run into an area with a high imagination (and by "accidentally" I mean the first time I played it I honestly didn't realise the map outlined where these would happen LMAO), I'd get a little "cutscene" or whatever you call those, where Joshua and Neku would have a little conversation, like it was so endearing to see.

Another notable example from the og game I'd say would be in week 3, bc while Konishi does give you a clear objective, you just got so much freedom with going around the map too, like trying to figure out what's happening and what to do and all that.

Whereas in Neo, like I said, it felt very regimented, or at the very least, a bit linear, which isn't a bad thing necessarily, it's just that for me, as a personal preference, I preferred "aimlessly" running around. The only two days that I think made me feel the same way was probably the bit in week 3 where you had to keep time travelling to determine the best dialogue options to talk to Shoka each time, as well as the bit to do with Kanon, where it starts "in the future", and Rindo had to go back in time in increments to figure out what happened each time. For the record, as well, I know that bc of the time travel mechanic, you're only limited to specific areas in the map during that time which, while it did frustrate me a bit, I do understand why, and honestly it wasn't that bad, like they did the best they could while still implementing the time travel mechanic, which I felt they did quite good with. Otherwise, yeah, the stuff with the godforsaken Scramble Slam, the annoying spot the difference day, and bits like that, I can't say I was the biggest fan, but again, that's just my own preference.

That said, (and I do need to stress, I'm no video game/literature(?) analytic, so I could be misinterpreting but,) I do appreciate that these different "styles"(?) kind of reflect the mindset a bit of the protags, like for Neku, he's just learning or discovering things as he goes, like one revelation leading him to decide "oh we should go here next" or "we need to do this next", whereas with Rindo, in line with his character arc, has been for the most part following along, almost, with other characters' decisions, which is maybe why the gameplay experience itself feels linear. It also reflects how like Neku's the person who wants "to do what I want, when I want, how I want", and how Rindo would be the type of person who would want consistency and like a sure path.

#this is entirely unedited as well I can’t believe I’ve been writing this instead of my assignment #the world ends with you #twewy #neku sakuraba #rindo kanade #neo the world ends with you #ntwewy #joshua kiryu #daisukenojo bito #shiki misaki #tosai furesawa #nagi usui #sho minamimoto #square enix #video games

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linghxr · 3 years

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Characters I Used to Write Incorrectly

Today I will be exposing my past as someone who did not care about stroke order by comparing actual stroke order to how I used to write some characters. The title of this post is actually not 100% true because sometimes I still write some of these characters incorrectly...it’s just so hard to break old habits.

In retrospect, I think the real stroke order makes a lot of sense thinking about how 少 is written. But I do remember being surprised when I learned I was writing this character incorrectly.

I believe I mentioned in a previous post that I used to write the left half of 那 like 月. And I was also writing the right part wrong too! Fortunately I’ve been very successful in correcting this and now write 那 with the proper stroke order consistently.

For both 北 and 比, I was writing the right component in incorrect order. I also wrote the left part of 比 incorrectly, and I wouldn’t be surprised if I was also messing up the direction of strokes...I can’t remember exactly now.

To this day, the proper stroke order for 长 remains unintuitive to me. But I have been good about following proper stroke order regardless. Honestly, I feel like the character doesn’t look as neat when I use correct stroke order, but I do think like the strokes flow better together.

I find myself having to look up stroke order for this character and characters like 贯 from time to time. It just won’t stick!

This is a small discrepancy, but I honestly feel like it makes a difference in my handwriting. I guess 为 in an exception because it is written like the incorrect way I wrote 力.

I am embarrassed to say I just learned how incorrectly I write this character today. I think I knew I was doing something wrong, but I didn’t realize just how wrong I was. I’m going to have to work on this from now on.

For 我, I’m not 100% sure that the incorrect order above is exactly how I used to write, but it’s close. 我 was always a really challenging character for me, and while I don’t think my current 我s are perfect, I noticed a big improvement when I learned the proper stroke order. The improper 我s above look fine too, but I think it’s because my handwriting is neat in general.

I have known for a long time that I struggle with remembering the stroke order for 里. Since how I’ve always written it is pretty close to the correct order, it’s quite challenging to correct myself.

This one is pretty bad because I even had the wrong number of strokes! How I used to write it was not very natural feeling, so it’s pretty easy for me to remember the proper order.

Last but not least, here are some characters that I was just writing blatantly incorrectly.

I’m very mortified to say that I only realized these discrepancies relatively recently. For 黄 I literally realized it last week. I guess I just didn’t ever look close enough, yikes. 练 is also pretty bad because I’ve always written 锻炼的炼 correctly, so I really have no excuse. With 勇 I feel like it’s quite hard to tell with certain fonts or small text, so that’s the one I’m least ashamed about.

Well, this has been embarrassing. Now I’m going to be paying a lot more attention to stroke order. You can teach an old dog new tricks, but it takes a lot of work. That’s why you should pay attention to stroke order upfront!

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umbran6 · 3 years

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The Argument Against Caleo

Spoilers up to Blood of Olympus and beyond. Beware! (Or not, the book series has been out for a few years, get over it). I wrote this after seeing a user wondering why people didn’t like Caleo, or in some cases, hated it. Here, I want to explain the answer as much as possible while doling out my own points.

One of the main grievances I have as a fan of Leo Valdez would be the ship Caleo, or Leo x Calypso. It’s a complicated ship, to say the least, with multiple issues that make me question why people like the ship. And I admit it, they initially had some chemistry, but there’s multiple issues that Uncle Rick produced through making such a relationship that makes it extremely open to criticism, criticism which I will explain through this post.

One of my main points against them is that the ship was created on a very limited time scale. Although we aren’t given an exact date to date of when Leo and Calypso met to when they fell in love, we can safely estimate it to be a week at best. Such a limited amount of time from going through the multiple stages of a relationship already stresses the limits of the suspension of disbelief.

A counterexample would be Percabeth, or Percy x Annabeth. Throughout the series, we aren’t introduced to them being romantically involved until the Titan’s Curse, which was two years after they met. Specifically, this is brought up by Aphrodite, the goddess of love herself. Admittedly, Percy and Annabeth were twelve years old when they first met, when romance was definitely out of the picture, especially with a quest to get the Master Bolt.

However, from there we get to see multiple examples of their character depth, ranging from their respective fatal flaws to their ambitions, hopes and dreams, and their friendship. We get to see the slow build up of their chemistry, which was a really good writing move on Uncle Rick’s part. These characters took their sweet time to get to where they wanted to go, and despite the false romantic lead of Rachel, they still got together.

On the other hand, we don’t see enough of this between Leo and Calypso — we only see one book where they interacted with each other in The House of Hades, and that was only for a handful of chapters. While they are definitely older so they can jump straight to romance (some may say too old, but I’ll get to that) its still a pretty huge gap to jump through without making it stick. This makes it hard to root for a ship when it is built on a rather faulty foundation from the ‘they just met’ to ‘they get together’, especially when they don’t have a lot of events to show their chemistry.

Which brings me to Ogygia, which has raised a few red flags for me when looking at it from a retrospective point of view. Now, we know what the main issue of the island is that the hero who landed on said island can’t leave until Calypso falls in love with them. And we’ve seen this with Percy during the Battle of the Labyrinth, where he lands in the island and Calypso falls in love with him while tending to his wounds from, you know, being erupted from freaking Mt. St. Helens. Needless to say, this falling in love with each other montage happened quickly to the point of suspicion, which sets up the complication that Calypso and Leo might have fallen in love due to magical intervention.

And hear me out, because although this might be a pretty big pill to swallow, we have evidence for this through Percy. It only takes one chapter for Calypso and Percy to meet, and the next he’s willing to consider leaving Camp Half-Blood and Annabeth behind to live on the island when Hephaestus gives him the choice to leave Ogygia or stay. We don’t even get an explanation on why Percy considered giving it all up just so he can be with her. All we know is, girl meets boy, now they want to live on an isolated island forever. It’s especially absurd considering Percy’s hamartia (fatal flaw) is freaking loyalty to those he loves. Needless to say, It’s a huge YIKES, especially when we apply it to Leo and Calypso.

It also raises the possibility that the romantic relationship between them is doomed to failure. And if you guys want to fight me on this, let’s look at Jason and Piper, a couple whose relationship started with a similar foundation. Piper had romantic memories implanted into her brain by Hera through the use of the Mist, while Jason was reduced to a Tabula Rasa (a blank slate for those who lack culture) by said goddess. They broke up before the Trials of Apollo because it was clear that when the dust settled, Piper had been aware that their romance was a lie and that their intentions to stay together was a mix of delusion and pressure from freaking Aphrodite. Leo and Calypso get together under what is arguably a very similar set of conditions if Ogygia’s magic had any influence on their relationship, and that this magic could wear off if given enough time.

Third, and here’s a pretty big one for me, would be Calypso’s character, mainly because there are a lot of unfortunate implications attached to it. In The Blood of Olympus, she was turned into the divine equivalent of Princess Peach, with Leo being her Mario (except he saves her with a badass metal dragon). Its extremely unnecessary to make a character, especially as one such as Calypso, get turned into the typical reward of a B-Class action movie. It’s insulting and puts her up as a trophy, a narrative that is definitely not ok by any means necessary.

In another direction, Calypso is also really, really worrying when things don’t go get her way. First, let’s look at The Odyssey, the first myth she pops up. Calypso had imprisoned Odysseus for ten years on her island until Hermes said to let him go, and although it gives them plenty of time to fall in love, it also raises the implications of stockholm syndrome. Then we’ve got the fact that Calypso cursed Annabeth out of spite, implicitly saying that she wished the daughter of Athena would suffer the same isolation that she did, which came to reality when Percy and Annabeth met the Arai in Tartarus. And Annabeth wasn’t even aware that she was still in Ogygia, much less intentionally intervened in the matter. When Percy left Ogygia, rather than be angry at Percy, Calypso cursed Annabeth out of all people to suffer the same loneliness and misery she went through. That’s some Hera at her worst levels of spite.

Through such evidence we can see that Calypso is extremely wrathful towards those who break her heart even though they don’t want to. It certainly implies that Calypso isn’t in a good state of mind, and could easily repeat said actions if provoked. We could almost compare it to Medea and the original Jason, but at least in that case, Medea has every right to be pissed off at Jason and take her revenge. Calypso’s curse and how she handles things certainly implies a level of immaturity that would end in disaster if they broke up.

One issue that, I’ll admit is more from my personal point of view is that the ship took a lot of Leo’s character and threw it in the garbage in Blood of Olympus. Though we see him do a lot of stuff behind the scenes, the fact that its all for the goal of reaching Calypso just reduced him to someone who is more focused on love than, you know, fighting the evil goddess that was responsible for killing his mom and getting sweet sweet revenge. While the revenge plot can be cliched sometimes, it can be played well, while romance and the typical ‘always save the girl’ trope is just overdone. If Leo had been allowed to, you know, be more focused on other things rather than Calypso, we could have seen a lot more variety in his character.

For example as one of the possible character arcs he could’ve gone through, Leo has always been alone among the couples, often being isolated. Heck, Nemesis herself stated that he would always be the seventh wheel, and that he would never find a place among his brethren. Though some fellow tumblr users have taken this in multiple ways, either saying that he should learn to be happy by himself or that he is socially isolated in the Argo II because of these romantic relationships (I prefer a mix of both). Uncle Rick just giving him a girlfriend seems like taking the easy way out of solving such an issue and abandoning what could’ve been a rather interesting character arc. The relationship isn’t a bad thing if we remove some of the unfortunate implications, but it is a bad way to end what is a complex and realistic problem for a character and in some cases maybe possible in real life.

One more minor but still yikes worthy point is that there’s a huge age gap between them. We’re not talking about the ‘Hazel is 15 and Frank is 17 and in one year that’ll be a problem because then Hazel will be jailbait’ age gap. And even then, we can argue that Hazel is older since she is chronologically ninety-one years old. No, Calypso is older by millennia in terms of mindset and body due to the perks of being a goddess, while Leo is sixteen.

God-to-Mortal relationships are already complicated, even with emotionally and socially well-functioning adults. The fact that Leo is underage, inexperienced with romance (despite his flirting, Calypso was his first kiss), and has been through a freaking ton of trauma in his youth, does not make this okay. At best, they’re both mutually interested in each other but may have different expectations when it comes to a relationship. At worst, Calypso is taking advantage of a boy just so she can get out of Ogygia and possibly dumping him later on like the wrapping of a candy bar. Even though Calypso lost her immortality during The Trials of Apollo, that doesn’t even compensate for the immense age gap alongside Leo’s guilt at the possibility that he might’ve been responsible for her losing said immortality.

Oh, and about Leo... I’m a fan of him, but I can admit that he is in a bad spot both mentally and emotionally throughout the series. He’s lost his mom due to a mix of his own powers and Gaea’s trickery, and never had the chance to fully process that event and come to terms with it. The foster home system alongside his own trauma has forced him to hide his emotions through a façade of happiness and jokes when it’s quite clear to me he needs a therapist, stat. He's also run away from several foster homes, implying this means he was and still is being affected by the event. His mask is still on during The Blood of Olympus considering he hid a lot of things from Piper and Jason.

Speaking about them, not helping this matter is the fact that he’s rather isolated in terms of friendships since Jason and Piper, his supposed best friends are more interested in locking lip rather than, you know, actually hanging out with each other. He doesn’t have good friendships with the rest of the Seven, and the closest ones he does have is with Hazel and Frank. And even then they start off in the wrong spot since Frank is very insecure about possibly losing Hazel to him during Mark of Athena while Hazel in the meantime, is also dealing with the fact that he is the descendant of her possible boyfriend Sammy Valdez.

This could indirectly have made him desperate for affection since he has nobody else to confide in during the rest of the series, which is a bad mental state to be in when one lands on Ogygia, the island that we’ve seen could possibly force two people to fall in love with each other. A romantic relationship is not something that he needs or something that will help him in the future. He needs more than that, and having him in one that could end in disaster is the last thing he needs.

And that does not make him a bad person, much less a bad character. While some who are similarly emotionally and socially isolated may turn to violence or creepy behavior on those they want affection from, Leo does not do that to the other characters. It just means that he as a character needs more time to recover and develop before we go giving him romantic relationships, much less one with Calypso.

That’s not to say that they don’t have some things in common. Both are starved for love and affection, with Calypso being constantly rejected by heroes while Leo was rejected by foster homes and his own family. It’s a trait that they have in common, but it shouldn’t be the only thing that they have in common, especially since it is laced with a trauma that is clear they haven’t had help processing. They need to develop more as characters and as friends before they should be paired together.

So… yeah. The Caleo relationship is, in my eyes, doomed to failure, or at least heavily flawed after taking the above points into account. Uncle Rick, as if seemingly aware of these criticisms, has put the relationship in a rocky place by The Tower of Nero, giving them the possibility of overcoming the above criticisms and their own flaws, or giving fanfic writers an out and pairing Leo with another character or have him single, but happy. Either way, in my opinion Caleo is a bad ship when it comes to how it was created, alongside the flaws and unfortunate implications it has.

While I can see some of the chemistry the ship has, you can’t just use a couple of moments where they get along as evidence that they belong together, especially with the above reasons. That’s like using a band-aid to cover a bullet hole without removing the bullet, stopping the bleeding, and preventing infection. If both characters and their relationship had been given more time to develop, I would understand how they would get together.

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shirtlesssammy · 3 years

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15x20 Bullet Point Rambles

We’re ALREADY a wreck at the start thanks to that retrospective

We’re reeling over no “Carry On” recap and then I just SCREAMED because DEAN HAS A DOG WHAT IS LIFE

SHIRTLESS SAMMY SIGHTING the final gift to our blog

Boris disapproves of Dean’s pet care, but also I have a lot of hearts here at this recap of the day-to-day life of the Winchesters

Dean gets his bouquet of pies, but Sam’s sad about Cas and Jack. “I’m not Sad Sam.”

A doorbell rings with a quiet little postcard family, but the family’s brutally murdered by weird dudes in masks bearing machetes. YIKES

Boris: The sun in the picture of this kid’s room is an indication that Cas will be back later in this episode

“Singer and Kripke, FBI” GOD BLESS

Dean heads back to their dad’s journal. “You know what this is? Mimes. Vamp mimes.” Dean, don’t ever change

This case fic is proceeding along so normally that I’m forgetting we’re watching the finale???????

11 minutes in and we’re at the commercial break. We feel sick? Why is this such a big day in our lives?

“Not a mime. Still evil, though.” They knew they were chasing vamps. What smarties.

Dean threatens to use a spoon to kill this vamp which is so Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. (Use a spoon! It’ll hurt more.) The vamp gives up that these vamps are kidnapping kids for feed

And WE’RE AT THE BARN. Everything’s fine and normal here, folks

Boris: Look at how dirty and dusty Dean’s soul (the Impala) is.

Dean really wants to use throwing stars. We second this! (Boris: save it for the sequel, Dean)

Dean and Sam save the kids and face the machete-wielding, mask-wearing maniacs.

WE HIT ANOTHER COMMERCIAL AT 17 minutes. LORD help us

We want to know why these yahoos are wearing masks. Sam gets taken down (his soft head) and Dean gets pinned and and…it’s JENNY an old character that we are only fuzzily remembering?

Dean gets…IMPALED? IMPALED. i m p a l e d

I have chills help me

Dean asks him to stay with him instead of going for help and………………

h e l p us

“You knew it was always gonna end like this for me,” Dean tells Sam and we are curled up in balls begging this show for help

Dean tells Sam no bargains. He tells him he’s proud of him. Dean was smarter, stronger…

The day Dean came for Sam - the first episode - he “must’ve stood outside Sam’s door for hours” he didn’t know if Sam would’ve told him to get lost or get dead. He was scared because it’s always been the two of them...

Sam begs Dean not to leave and we are HAVING EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS

“You always keep fighting,” Dean tells him and we are having some real crossover emotions here

Dean asks Sam to tell Dean that “it’s okay.” UGH HELP FLAGS OF SURRENDER FROM US SHOW YOU’VE KILLED US YOU’VE WON

Boris (in whispers): you did it you bastards you killed him

Halfway through. This commercial break is VERY RUDE

Boris: WHEN I SAID THE BROTHERS WERE GONNA BE SEPARATED BY THE END I DIDN’T MEAN IT THIS WAY

Boris huddles on the end of her couch, and screams into the void

Sam bids farewell. I’m staying positive. Boris has evolved into her RAGE form

Natasha: C’mon, Sam. Bring ‘em all back. We’re counting on you!

The happy montage from earlier is now a Sad Sam montage. U G H

Boris: Sam gets a dog but at WHAT COST

Dean’s “Other other phone” rings in the bunker. They’re calling for “Agent Bon Jovi” and Donna refers them to the Winchesters

The bunker lights go out as Sam heads out for a hunt. WHAT. IS. HAPPENING

Dean ends up in Heaven. It’s beautiful and quiet. And Bobby’s there? He’s the real Bobby! He’s out of Heaven’s jail

Jack made changes in Heaven, freed people and set things right. “Tore down all the walls up here. It’s what it always should’ve been - everyone happy. Everyone together.”

Bobby pulls out a beer for Dean. “Cas helped,” Bobby tells Dean. WHERE THE FUCK IS CAS WHERE’S THE ANGEL

Dean says Heaven is “almost perfect.” He’s got the afterlife on the platter. What is he going to do?

Dean takes Baby for a spin. “Carry on” plays

Sam ends up with a baby Dean and lives his life? With??? Who??? Eileen????

Dean drives off into Heaven’s frontier

Sam ages. Lives his life. He still has Baby. He dies old and in his own home

Dean stops at a bridge and looks out over Heaven. (Boris: THEY HAVE BURIED SO MANY GAYS IN THIS SHOW)

Sam appears, having died. And apparently this is going to be our emotional resolution? Show, PLZ

Natasha: Well, we’ll always have fan fiction

Well

That just happened

I look forward to your codas!

Boris: Thanks, 2020

#spn spoilers #spn 15x20 #carry on #supernatural season 15 #spn thoughts

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beautifulterriblequeen · 3 years

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I wonder if Harrow has often regretted to have killed Thunder and let Viren kills the baby dragon (as much he knows, Viren destroyed the egg,right?) Because when he learns about assassins coming to him, he's not really surprised, more sad and resigned. Maybe he's aware that it's his own fault : killing the golem to help people was a thing (and they have dealt with consequences) but killing the dragon by revenge was pointless and a thing that his wife wouldn't have wanted. what do you think?

Harrow seems a very thoughtful king, taking his rule and his directive to be a fair and just leader with deliberation and seriousness. I think he does a lot of thinking. I bet he always has, but when Sarai was alive, he probably said more of it out loud. I get the feeling that Viren has often tried to turn any "weakness" in Harrow's conversations, aka if he's mulling over a difficult problem or asking for advice, into an opportunity to guide the king to a result of his own preference.

I'm sure most of the time their goals have aligned, because they both want a stable kingdom. But as Viren's soul deteriorates over the years, and his empathy gets poisoned by his long term use of dark magic, I think he starts to care less about following Harrow and more about subtly managing him.

And on some level, I think Harrow senses this. He has a habit of keeping his troubling feelings under wraps until they burst out all at once, so I bet he never really discussed this with anyone, Viren included. He knew his friend would take it very personally to be questioned and doubted like that. Viren seems like he's always had a soul that's sensitive to critique, and at heart he just longs to be valued and accepted. Also, who would Harrow trust more than Viren, to talk to about it? Opeli? I don't think so. The two advisors could cause chaos with the king's private opinion let loose in the high council.

did I ramble, yes I did

So I think that Harrow has very quietly been taking retrospective notes on how his rulership is progressing - or digressing - with Viren's guidance, and he probably doesn't look directly at it very often. But when things come to a head between these two men early in S1, it seems clear that Harrow instantly has years of issues jump to his mind, and his temper flares when he realizes that Viren's gonna Viren, again.

I get the feeling that the things Viren has apparently helped him do for his people over the years have been pragmatic options which Viren has always described in the best light. And he's probably not wrong about the benefits of his plans, either. Viren's a smart guy! But big weighty decisions that involve people's futures and safety and livelihoods often have at least two sides to consider, and for every decision where Viren spun one option positively, there was another side where other things were never chosen. And I bet those options had positive aspects sometimes, too.

As a thoughtful king, Harrow must've wondered sometimes how different things would've been if he had done things with Viren less firmly in his guiding path. I bet those angsty thoughts built up over the years, just naturally as they do, but I bet there were just a few more than usual due to Viren's deterioration and the harder choices he nudged Harrow toward.

And emotionally manipulating a widower to seek revenge after nine years, when he had already accepted his sad reality? Yikes, Viren. Harrow did still hate Avizandum, but after that long, he'd contented himself with ruling his kingdom and raising his boys. He'd probably have lived his life just fine if Viren had never told him about the unicorn horn. Harrow got lost in his angry dark feels and agreed to the plan, but he didn't endanger anyone else: only he and Viren went to Xadia. And then, in a moment of weakness and emotion and pain, he agreed to Viren's egg-stabbing plan.

And then they escaped home, and Harrow started holding his breath, waiting for that other shoe to drop.

He knows there's a cycle. He tried to break it with Sarai when he talked about Lady Justice and seeing everyone equally, but he couldn't escape then, and he only sank further into its grip over time. He isn't surprised when Moonshadow assassins come for him, because that's how the cycle works.

I think, in the end, the only thing Harrow was blindfolding himself from was the truth of how he got off course as a king, one little step at a time. He didn't want to admit that he'd sauntered vaguely downward, so he couldn't admit that Viren had been leading him deeper and deeper into the cycle until a threat arose that told Harrow he'd truly infuriated Xadia this time: Moonshadow assassins, sent to take out the worst threats in the human lands.

They had never come for him before. Viren and Harrow probably both felt comfortable in their gray area. Oh, human assassins, sure, but hey, at least the Moonshadow assassins aren't getting involved. We're fine over here, nothing to get too worried about, live and let live, amirite?

Until that day, when Harrow came face to face with a new and terrible threat, and something about it told him, deep down, that his gray area wasn't as gray as he thought it was.

It's a big point in Harrow's favor that he basically agrees with the assassins: he has done terrible things, and he expects to pay the price for them. He stops excusing himself and sees the truth of his decisions for what they are.

He knew, deep down he knew. Just like Callum, when he couldn't admit to himself that Harrow was dead. But life moved on, and other decisions were pressing, and he could ignore the truth and keep his eyes on the future for a little while longer. Until he couldn't.

How can you change your path to ruin when every little step you take feels like the right one? It's hard. Harrow couldn't manage it. Viren's having the same struggle with his path, and so is Runaan. Perspective is hard. You have to choose to embrace a different one than you had, and you have to stare truth in the face and not blink. It's gonna hurt. People don't like hurting. But growth comes from stretching new muscles. It's not a bad thing. It's just very uncomfortable for a while.

I don't know if any of these men will get the opportunity to take new steps and make healthier choices. But I know Sarai would be proud of Harrow if he ever did.

#asks #harrow #viren #sarai #tdp analysis #tdp angst #tdp dads sauntering vaguely downwards #on roads paved with good intentions

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