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miinatozakiii · 9 months

Text

moonlight serenade

kindergarden teacher!sana x fem!reader. (pt. 3)

summary: sana finds you even cuter after seeing you in shark pj's, you two are hopeless lesbians, you drive sana home and it's more romantic than it should be – oh my god you're not a mother?

wc: 5.3k

warnings: mentions of food, i think that's it ; reader has tattoos ; u two are hopeless romantics ; lesbians being lesbians

pt 1. pt2. pt4.

a/n: I love jazz. I've been listening to jazz in a bakery/cafe while writing each part actually. pls listen to moonlight serenade by ella fitzgerald, it's a work of art and one of my all time favorites :-D

(are lyrics in fics corny? I have no idea. I just love jazz and thought this song was perfect for this part.)

trying to write as much before I move! enjoy ;-]

“Are you actually serious?” Jihyo says, placing her cup of coffee down. Sana pinches the bridge of her nose and lets out a small breath,

“Jihyo, I don’t know what to do,” Sana says defeatedly.

Two months have passed by and that means two months of seeing you every now and then. Johnny, your brother, has returned from his business trip, so he ended up being the one to take Hana to school in the morning and the one to pick her up in the afternoon. You, however, were not going to miss the chance to see this lovely woman named Sana. 5'4 inches of pure beauty and charm. So, you convinced him to let you take Hana to school once or twice a week just to see who you think is the woman blessed by Aphrodite.

I mean, the temperature is dropping, and the warmth that spreads through your body when you see Sana is definitely something you need for this weather.

Every week Sana would see you in the morning once or twice. You two would exchange your friendly greetings before Hana goes off to chat with her new best friend Jiyeong, you’d stare at each other all lovingly (you two are oblivious, it’s sick), and then part ways. Rinse and repeat, reuse, reduce, recycle, etc, this went on for two damn months.

Sana would never say anything more, she wouldn’t flirt, she wouldn’t ask you out, and she wouldn’t do anything but be friendly. She still believed that you were literally her student’s mother, and there was a guilt that got heavier every time her heart did a flip from seeing you.

Each interaction sparked a small flame in your hearts, and just before it grew bigger, you’d wave goodbye; the flame would die again, never growing large enough to really warm you two the way you both needed.

“Sana… I honestly have no clue what to say,” Jihyo starts, and she looks at the young teacher in front of her, practically losing her mind, “I mean, you’re sure she’s her mom?”

“Yes, I mean, the girl’s dad and her take turns dropping her off and whatnot. I'm not going to be more delusional than I already am trying to find anything that makes her seem less like a mother, I mean, it's clear that she is the mother of that girl.” Sana explains, and her heart sinks a little, “I guess her dad is nice, though, and tall, I don’t know.” Sana groans.

Jihyo watches Sana stick out her signature little pout and swirl the coffee in her cup,

“Well… There are always others, no?”

“I don’t know, it’s just something about her Jihyo,” and Jihyo listens with interest, “I just, ever since we met, I feel like, there was some kind of… god this is so embarrassing…” Sana trails off, putting a hand on her forehead and pinching her eyes shut from slight embarrassment. Sana reminisces the way you’d joke about Hana making your wrinkles appear if she kept it up with her little antics, how you’d make her laugh at your little comments, and the way your eyes scan the room for her in the mornings and -

“You’ve been a hopeless romantic since we were roommates, I’ve probably heard worse.” Jihyo sighs, and she reminisces about the days when Sana and she had to share a small single-bedroom dorm, and how she would gush about anything and romanticize everything.

“Look, she’s just so pretty… Maybe we could just be friends? She’s sweet.” Sana suggests, and Jihyo laughs in disbelief.

“You want to be friends with someone’s mother that you also, or, might have a crush on?”

“Maybe.”

You let yourself in through the front door with your spare keys, hanging your jacket on the coat hanger and sliding your shoes off, setting them on the shoe rack.

There’s a faint melody of a slow, soft song playing, and there’s a low voice that hums along to the old tune. It fits the atmosphere of the quiet house on a Thursday night.

You creep through the hall quietly to see your brother in the dimmed kitchen washing a few plates. He’s in a navy long-sleeved shirt with its sleeves rolled up so water doesn't temporarily shade his apparel, and loose shorts that go down to just above his knees. His hair is a bit messy, and he looks nerdy with his circular black glasses on. You laugh at the sight of him in his pajamas and slides, he jumps a little and turns his head in surprise after hearing you.

“My god, at least text me.” He sighs, and you chuckle at him. You make your way over to the area where he is and sit across from him at the kitchen island, he directs his attention back to the dirty plate in his hand, “Did you need something?”

“Kinda.”

“You know where everything is, just grab it if you need it. Also, be quiet, Hana just fell asleep.” Johnny responds, turning off the sink and placing the white dish in the dishwasher.

“It’s not a physical thing, I just… maybe some advice, or at least your thoughts.”

“...On?”

“There’s this girl,”

"Oh," He mumbles quietly, “You’re ready to date again?”

“I think so,” You begin, “She’s different you know. Not like that girl in high school. She’s actually the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and she’s sweet and nice and caring and-”

“How long have you known her?”

“Two months...”

“So it is Ms. Minatozaki.” Johnny scoffs, though, not in an insulting way, more of an ‘I fucking knew it’ way. He picks up a rag and starts to wipe it on the countertop.

You look at your taller brother in surprise, “How did you know?”

“Hana tells me all about you two y’know? Why else would you willingly wake up earlier than you should to drop off my daughter at school? And, she tells me that you ask about her teacher?” He laughs, “You’re not good at hiding things, never have been.”

“Hey!” You say defensively, and a little too loud as it makes him put a finger to his lips,

“Lower your voice.”

“Sorry.” You mumble, laying your head on your palm. Johnny turns his body to face you instead of the counter connected to the sink that he had previously been wiping,

“Soooo, what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know Johnny.”

“You think she likes you?” He asks, genuinely curious about your new interest. Johnny grabs two glasses of water and places them on the counter, then sits down to the right of you, making sure to give his full attention to you.

Johnny has always been a good brother, and you two had your necessary brother-sister moments where you were at each other's throats; in fact, you’d bicker all the damn time and it even went on into high school. However, you two always had each other’s backs. Even when you hated each other there would be moments where you two were the only ones who understood each other, and sometimes time seemed to stop when you’d talk about the deeper topics and anything bothering you two.

And so, time slows down as Johnny listens to your rant.

“We’re friendly, I mean, what am I thinking? I feel slightly delusional I won’t even lie,” You sigh, “She’s so pretty and sweet and I just, I really want to get to know her. Like ever since I met her I felt like… It’s so corny but I swear the world literally paused for a moment.” You add, shifting your look away from your older brother.

How are you supposed to tell your brother that this woman that you’ve known for two months is making you lose some sleep, and, by the way, you haven’t even had a full conversation with her either. You think of the woman that you go out of your way to run into and see for ten minutes a day total, twice a week. You think of her radiant smile that rivals the sun's rays, the voice that’s more soothing than any song on your playlist, and the way her eyes light up when she sees you, and -

“You’re head over heels, huh,” Johnny says, amused.

“Don’t be ridiculous, I barely know her.” you lie,

“Well, you could.”

“And how am I supposed to do that? ‘Oh hey I think of you day and night just because I think you’re cute and nice and I think I almost overfilled a cup of cold brew while daydreaming about you, uh maybe we could go out sometime?’”

“Maybe don’t say that much, dumbass.” Your older brother says playfully, “Just start with a compliment or something, you seriously suck at this romance stuff.”

“Thanks,” You mutter, rolling your eyes, “But what if she thinks that’s weird? I’m literally her student’s aunt.”

“Maybe,” Johnny sighs and finishes the water in his cup, “Maybe you should get some rest, y/n. If you lose sleep over this woman who you’ve never had a full conversation with, imagine how much sleep you’ll lose when you finally do.” He stands up and makes his way over back to the sink to rinse the glass cup you had gotten him for his last birthday, “So, maybe you should catch up on rest now and rant to me when you finally have the balls to actually make a conversation with her, then I could actually give you some decent advice."

“You suck.”

“I want to give you my feedback and advice, but this is literally all I can say right now: ask her out and come back to me.”

“This is too much.”

“You’re a loser, y/n.” Johnny jokes, and he takes the cup that you hadn’t touched away and then rinses it.

You don’t even get to plan anything or prepare yourself for your next interaction with Sana, and you look stupid when you run into her too.

You’re at the nearest convenience store in an oversized t-shirt that was your brothers’, the gray shirt with a shark graphic on it that was too comfy to not steal. Paired with that tee were plaid shorts and white socks with more sharks on them that you had gotten from Hana last Christmas, along with grayish-green clogs on your feet.

You were dressed like a college student that was on a budget, and of course, you had to run into the woman of your dreams at a convenience store at 12:24 am on a Friday night while looking stupid.

Sana had run into you while you scanned the drinks section. You didn’t notice her calling out your name while there was pop music playing in your earbuds, and when you turned to see who had tapped on your shoulder your eyes widened.

Sana held a small basket in her hand, and she wore a purple sweatshirt along with gray sweatpants, much more presentable than what you were wearing. Your face goes red as you realize that she’s caught you looking ridiculous, all while she looks perfect.

Her hair is clipped up and some strands fall over her face, and she looks so unbelievably adorable just standing there smiling at you.

“Hi.” She says, looking you up and down.

She scans your whole look and gets a little flustered by how precious you look. Your hair is messed up and disheveled at the roots, as if you’d just gotten out of bed and ran a hand through it. The oversized t-shirt drowned your figure in comfort, and your inked, toned forearms were revealed. The t-shirt you wore had a cute shark graphic on it, Sana had guessed that your daughter had something to do with why you had that shirt. She smiles at the sight of you in such comfy clothing, looking lovely as ever while you stare back at her.

“Hey.” You respond, taking out an earbud,

“It’s surprising to see you here y/n,” Sana giggles, “Thirsty?” She questions, and she’s peeking at the vitamin water in one of your hands.

“I guess so.” You mumble, biting the inside of your cheek and putting a hand in your pocket, “It’s pretty surprising to see you here too.” You add. Surprising, but wow, definitely lucky. When would you ever see her looking so comfy and out of her workplace looking so cute?

Sana giggles and you feel like a huge gust of wind has hit you so suddenly, about to hit you off your feet. You smile brightly.

“I couldn’t sleep, I wanted something to snack on,” Sana shrugs. You glance at her basket and see some spicy turtle chips in the basket,

“Eating something spicy at this time is new to me, most people would have something warm, no?”

“Maybe.” Sana mutters, “I like your outfit, by the way.”

Your ears turn red again and you look down at your clothing, “Yeah… It’s a shirt from Hana’s dad, haha, that’s why it’s so big.”

Sana’s heart sinks a bit at the mention of Hana’s dad.

Sana and Johnny had met other times, and Sana thought he was nice, sweet, and she can't lie he does has a nice smile, but not as nice as yours. He treated Hana with care; Sana could tell he loved her dearly, as much as you did.

“I see, I like it. The two of them must love sharks, she always draws them during class.”

“She and her dad are very similar, lots of shark things in the house. I prefer koalas.” You reply. You wonder why the hell you’re mentioning koalas at this time, at this moment in this place, but it doesn’t matter because it seems to spark some kind of conversation with the woman in front of you, and Sana thinks it’s cute, actually.

“Koalas?” She questions amusingly, "They’re cute. I think hamsters are cuter, though.”

“hamsters?”

“Mhm.”

You chuckle at her response and wonder, how does she get cuter every time? Sana turns her head to eye at the drinks, then makes her way to the refrigerator door to grab one for herself, she grabs a canned iced americano and turns her body to face you again,

“Do you live near? I feel like I would’ve run into you sooner if you did.” Sana says, looking at the can in her right hand.

“Uh - no. The nearest convenience store closes at 12, so I just drove around until I found one open.” You answer, “Do you live near?” You ask. You wonder if the question is too weird or creepy to ask, I mean, this is a woman you don’t know too well, and would it be weird to ask a person you find so attractive where they live?

“Kind of. It’s a fifteen-minute walk, maybe less, give or take. The one right next to my place is closed too.”

“You walked? At this time?” You question her. Worry takes over your whole body because she walked alone? In the dark? At this hour?

Sana just hums in response, “Yeah, the neighborhood is really quiet and not too bad.”

“Still, you should’ve driven or something.”

“I don’t drive.” She simply states. You furrow your brows. She just stares back at you with those big brown eyes, it almost makes you forget about worrying.

She walks past you and heads to the self-checkout, you follow. There's a sudden idea that pops up in your mind, and you usually wouldn't be so bold to suggest or ask anything so direct, but it's twelve in the morning and your mind is too scrambled to make or think of any decent decisions.

“Sana,” You murmur, voice just barely above a whisper as you find the confidence for what you’re about to say, “Uh- this might be a little weird to ask, but, um…” You stutter, why the hell are you stuttering? She’s staring at you with those large espresso-colored eyes that remind you of your job at the moment, and the longer she stares back at you the more your mind races. This woman has your heart doing flips and pounding through your chest, you can barely manage your thoughts and words,

“Yes?”

“Uh, could I take you home?” You finally say, barely managing to make eye contact with her and it’s a humbling experience as your usually leveled (at least you think) demeanor crumbles under the presence of this woman.

“You don’t have to. It’s late and I don’t want to cause you too much trouble, y/n.”

“I’d be much more troubled if I knew you were walking home alone at this time, I insist.”

“Alright then. Let me pay first.”

You pause for a moment and Sana just turns back around, scanning the chips and canned coffee she had in her basket. It’s almost 12:30 now, and a pretty girl is letting you take her home. This wonder of the world is letting your disheveled self take her home.

“You have a nice car,” Sana says. She's never had a thing for cars or really knew too much about them. She's only paid attention to Jihyo’s five-seat white Lexus and the black, modified BMW that belonged to her childhood friend Momo. Other cars don't really matter or stand out to her, but Sana’s interest in you grows when she first sees the green Mercedes. Five-seated car looks nice and neat from the outside, for some reason, it really catches her attention. When she sits in the passenger seat she’s hit with the smell of coconut and vanilla. There are two things hung from the internal rearview mirror: One, a small keychain of a koala, and two, a picture of you and Johnny.

Sana can’t help but smile at the picture of you two, you two look happy.

You start the engine and put on your seatbelt before putting the drink you bought in the cup holder. You press on the screen in your car and a slow jazz melody plays. Of course, it had to be a love song.

“I’ve never seen your tattoos up close, they’re really pretty.” Sana suddenly says as you start to move out of where you were parked. Her eyes scan from your upper forearm, where the tattoo started, and down to where it ended just below your wrist, “I only saw a bit of them when you had dropped Hana off the first day.” Sana added.

She wanted to add on about how she also noticed the tattoo just under your knuckles too, and how she found the ink on your skin so endearing. She wanted to tell you all about the things she found attractive about you. From the noticeable things like your bold features to the little things she’s noted in her mind from every meeting. The way you’d always run a hand through your beautiful hair once or twice, the eye contact you couldn’t hold with her, the way you bit the inside of your cheek when you were quiet, the way your fingers often tugged at the beaded bracelet on your hand, how cute it was to watch you say bye to your daughter, and various other little details. Sana wanted to tell you all about those things, but that would be incredibly weird, right?

“Oh, yeah, thank you. I got the tattoo on my forearm a couple of years ago. Hana picked out the butterfly on my hand last year, actually.” You say, looking at the screen of your car as you back up a bit, making sure you don’t hit anything.

“Oh, also, you can type the address on my phone. Here.” You add, handing her the device. Sana types in her address quickly and it pops up on the screen. It’s a quick 4-minute drive, and you both wished it were a bit longer.

The music continues to play softly while you two sit in silence, and it somehow makes the mood a bit more intimate whilst the faint sound of Ella Fitzgerald's voice echoes,

I stand and I wait

For the touch of your hand in the June night

The roses are sighing

A moonlight serenade

Your breath hitches, “Um, you can change the song if you want…” You say embarrassed. Sana shakes her head and mumbles,

“It’s alright. I like it, It’s cute.” She admits, making you blush a bit. You grip the wheel a little tighter as you stop at the red light. The heartfelt lyrics fill the air with a romantic hum, and only the tender melody is heard as you sit together in silence.

The stars are aglow

And tonight how their light sets me dreaming

My love, do you know

That your eyes are like stars brightly beaming?

Sana’s heartbeat skips a little knowing that you listen to such romantic melodies, and she wonders if you love as romantically as such songs. Her mind wanders to the thought of you serenading her in the moonlight, or serenading her in a more domestic setting. The sudden thought of you humming along to these tunes while you cooked or cleaned allowed made her cheeks flush a bit. Jihyo was right: Sana is a hopeless romantic. She’s too far in to get out of the hole of these feelings, and her heart aches a little, the guilt piles up.

You on the other hand are freaking out.

Sana likes your lovey-dovey taste in music, and she seems content (Sana's having a crisis). Maybe you do have a chance with this woman, I mean, she’s already in your car and letting you take her home. Maybe you can do this again, maybe you can listen to songs like this together in a more intimate setting rather than your car, and maybe you can do more than just listen to Ella Fitzgerald together. All the maybe’s in your head are cut short as you reach her place and park in front of her apartment complex.

“We’re here.” You mutter, and you wish you weren’t.

Sana nods and reaches for the eco-friendly bag she had set down, unbuckles her seatbelt, then turns so that her eyes stare into yours with a new intensity. She puts her left hand on your right hand that had been gripping the gear shift ever so gently, your jaw tenses a bit and your left hand that had been on the wheel tightens its hold once more. She looks from your eyes to your lips, then back to your eyes again. Your heart is suddenly an acrobat the way it's doing so many flips.

“Thank you again, I appreciate it.” She says, and her other hand is on the handle of the door, ready to get out, but she doesn’t.

“Anytime, I didn’t want you to be out alone at this time.” you wonder how that sentence leaves your mouth so calmly because your heart is beating at least two hundred times per minute.

Sana’s lips curve into a smile again and you relax a bit,

“Well,” Sana starts, and she opens the door, “I’ll see you soon?”

“I’m picking up Hana on Monday.”

“Great. See you then, y/n.” She finally says, turning away and getting out of the car. You two look at each other again and your eye contact lingers a bit before she finally closes the door, waves, and turns to head inside the apartment complex.

The music continues to play, and your heart longs for her once again.

I stand at your gate

And I sing you a song in the moonlight

A love song, my darling

A moonlight serenade

A week passes after this encounter, and Sana is currently giving the kids an announcement that might have them jumping off the walls.

“Alright everyone in your seats please.” She says kindly. The students listen to her and shuffle to their seats, some chatter being shared as they do so. Sana claps her hands in a pattern to bring the students’ attention to her, and they clap their hands the same way that she had, quieting down in the process.

“Alright everyone, before I make this announcement, I need everyone to behave and not get too rowdy, okay?”

“Yes Ms. Minatozaki!” The class answers enthusiastically. Sana nods and smiles at them,

“Alright. So, there’s a special trip that is planned for you all next week.” She begins. The kids' faces start to light up after hearing the words “special trip” and almost all of them are itching to get more details on it. Sana’s face seems to light up with theirs from just looking at the excitement on their faces, so she continues,

“Next Wednesday we will be spending the day at the art museum downtown. There are going to be multiple people guiding you throughout the museum, and you’ll be able to learn about the art.” Sana explains, “And, at the end of the trip we’ll all meet back at a special room where you can paint along with an instructor.”

The kids’ smiles grow even wider, some are whispering to each other while others continue to keep their attention on the young teacher.

“Now, I also wanted to add that we will be needing some chaperones to help look after the class. I have some papers that I’ll give to you, make sure you show them to your mom, dad, or guardian. If they’d like to tag along to help out that would be great, and highly encouraged.” Sana says, pulling out a pile of papers from her desk, she begins to pass around said forms.

An hour passes and it’s free choice time. Hana walks up to the young teacher with the form that Sana had previously handed out. Sana smiles at the young girl and tilts her head,

“What is it, Hana? Is everything okay?” The young teacher questions,

“Um, Ms… What does guardian mean? You said mom, dad, and guardian earlier. Does that mean grown up?” Hana asks, and she looks at the paper as if her five-year-old self can read the whole thing with ease,

“I guess so. It’s an adult who takes care of you.” Sana explains to the girl. The girl hums to herself and furrows her brows,

“Does that mean y/n can come?”

“Of course, she’s your mom isn’t she?” Sana asks, and she’s confused as to why the girl looks up at her in surprise,

“My mom?”

“Yes… She’s your mom, no?”

“Ms. Minatozaki, Y/n is my aunt.”

Sana’s whole world stops for a moment. Y/n is her aunt?

“So your dad and her are…?”

“Y/n is my papa’s younger sister, she always jokes about him being so old,” Hana says, laughing to herself.

Sana genuinely stops functioning as she processes this new information: You’re not taken. Fireworks set off in her heart and confetti seems to pop: you’re not her mom. All the guilt that had been on her shoulders from thinking she was infatuated with a taken mother is gone, and it all makes sense now. Sana wonders how stupid she could’ve been, I mean, you and Hana’s dad had similar features, face shape, hair texture, and color. The young teacher had also realized that Hana only called you by your name, and not “mommy” or “mom” or anything like that; how could she have been so stupid?

“Ms. Minatozaki?”

“Oh, yeah, yes Hana. Y/n can come, of course, she can.” Sana says, and she really hopes you do come. Hana smiles and looks back at her paper before talking to her teacher again,

“You know, my aunt, she asks about you a lot.”

“She does?” Sana says, her heart skips a beat. Hana nods and looks back up at the teacher,

“She always asks about how school was, but she always ends up asking more about you and how you were during the day.” Sana’s eyes widen and she looks at the young girl in front of her, exposing you for being so interested in her.

The flame in her heart grows bigger, and it seems that the flame has no intention of dying down now that she knows you’re not Hana’s mother. Hana turns around and makes her way back to her desk to color after seeing that Sana wasn’t capable of responding again, and Sana doesn't even notice. Hana sits down unbothered, not knowing that she just turned Sana’s whole mood around, not knowing that this new piece of information will have her daydreaming the rest of the day – no, the rest of the week – maybe the rest of the month.

The school day comes to an end and the usual routine occurs: bell rings, kids scream, talk, and practically leap out of their seats to get in line to go to the entrance of the building. Sana waits with her usual group of eight, which includes Hana, and she hopes that today would be the day that you decided to pick her up. You had already picked Hana up on Monday, but now it’s Wednesday and those are the days that Hana’s dad would usually pick the little girl up, great.

Forty minutes pass and Sana sits down at the main office with Hana, no one had come to pick her up yet. Hana seems to be unbothered by this as she colors and draws on the sheet of paper that Sana had given her to cure her boredom, but she worries slightly since Jihyo still waits for her in the front.

Sana texts Jihyo a string of apologies and explanations and before she reads the instant reply, the sound of heavy breaths are heard as a familiar face enters the room, looking around all worried until her body relaxes when she sees her niece.

Y/n lets out a sigh of relief seeing Hana sitting down, coloring as if there wasn’t a single problem in the world. Her look shifts over to Sana, who is already looking at her. Their eyes meet and it makes the two women smile at one another.

“Hana,” your voice makes the little girl turn her head. She smiles and runs up to hug you, leaving her art on the desk,

“Aunt y/n!” And this is the first time Sana hears the little girl actually call you her aunt, she wishes that she would’ve called you aunt earlier (it would've saved her sleepless nights of wondering what the hell to do with her feelings, but at least she knows now).

You hug the little girl back and swipe away the strands of hair on her face, “Hi little one. Your dad had something come up at work, I rushed over as soon as my shift ended.” You explain. You turn back to share eye contact with the young teacher, eyes narrowing and lips curving upwards as you smile at her, “Thank you for watching her, I’m sorry for being so late.”

“It’s all right, really.” It’s more than all right, Sana thinks.

You grin again and turn your attention back to your niece, “Ready to go?”

“Yup!”

“Okay little one, come on.” and you crouch down to let her wrap around your shoulders, letting her piggyback ride you. You grab the art that your niece had made on the table and finally stand in front of Sana, thanking her.

“I’m sorry again, thank you so much.”

“It’s no problem, it’s nice to see you again,” Sana admits, a bit shyly too. The grin that’s already present on your lips grows and you wave to the shorter woman,

“I’ll see you.” You finally say, waving with your free hand and turning your head to the little one, “Let’s get going, your dad will be back by dinner.” You mutter, and Hana hums tiredly in response before you head out the main office doors, taking a quick glance at Sana, smiling again.

…

Jihyo’s going to lose her mind when I tell her all of this, Sana thinks to herself.

#sana imagines #kpop x reader #sana x reader #twice sana #twice x reader #gay gay gay #twice imagines #minatozaki sana #sana fluff

511 notes · View notes

gh05st · 5 months

Note

hihi! i saw your requests open, so could i request soap, gaz, and ghost (separate) trying to deescalate the reader who's been crying and on the verge of a panic attack because the work stress has been getting to them.

if that's too many characters, feel free to choose one of the three!

apologies for the sad scenario. i had a rough week (´；ω；｀)

first off, im so sorry you’ve had a rough week, know that it’ll get better dude! confide in someone you trust if possible, you’re going to be ok 🫶🏻 - comments are appreciated <3

Soap

he walks into you at your desk, sitting in your chair with your arms wrapped around your legs while tears are streaming down your face. his smile immediately turns into a frown, and he walks over to you.

“oh no sunshine, what happened to ya?” he pets your head a bit and tilts your chin up toward to face him.

“it’s just been so hard soap, im trying my best every single day and yet it keeps piling up. i finish one thing and i’m already handed 4 more, i can’t do it- i can’t!” your chest starts picking up fast and you feel your breathing become shortened.

“woah woah, easy there lass you’re gonna overwhelm your system. take some deep breaths with me yeah?” he grabs your hand and puts it on his heart so you can feel his heart beat, “breathe in, 1-2-3-4. hold. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7, out for 8 alright?”

you repeat that pattern with his help about 6 more times and you start to feel less tense.

“relax, im right here with you. ease your shoulders, relax your neck and unscrunch yer eyebrows.” you follow the steps and he smiles, “that feel a little better hm?”

you nod and he takes you into his arms. he grabs his phone from his back pocket, dialing a number. you hear the ringing and when you hear the name of your favorite restaurant in the greeting you beam up a bit

“can i get uh one cheeseburger - no onions! and eh… let me have a diet coke with it would ya? thanks mate” he covers the phone with his free hand, “you want the usual?” you nod and he orders your usual order. “let me also get one of those ah.. what do ya call em?” he snaps his fingers “those ice cream sundaes, yeah extra whipped cream! that’ll be all.”

“should be here in about 15 or so bonnie, ya feelin a bit better?”

you nod and he sighs in relief, “you need a break, im callin yer boss tomorrow mornin - who cares if i’ve got to lie you’re getting a week off and we’re spendin it together! no work, we can even get out of here if you want.”

“i can’t just leave work like that johnny-“

“ah ah! nonsense, i’ll make it happen.”

you don’t protest against him but rather just accept it and wait for your food to arrive with him.

Gaz

“hey love! what’s u- oh no..” he stops in his tracks and finally hears your crying and heavy breathing.

he quickly moves to where you are and wraps his arms around you - squeezing a bit and pulling you in. the scent of his cologne helps your mind start to slow down.

“easy now, what’s wrong?” he pulls back and searches your face for an answer.

you look down and explain how work has been stressing you out, “i’m so tired gaz, i work all the time without any breaks and it seems like my efforts get me no where. i don’t even feel like i can stop because anytime that i do it just racks up. i know you work a lot and never complain ,i shouldn’t even be making this scene.”

“hey hey… none of that, yeah?” he boops your nose lightly and you smile a bit which makes him smile also, “there’s my sweetheart, cmere. just because i work a lot doesn’t mean you don’t too love, and i want you to know we don’t ever have to compare ourselves - we both have challenges.” you nod your head and he nods back.

- “how about you take the rest of this week off? i know your boss wouldn’t bother letting you go - you’re her best worker! call in tomorrow and we can focus on you.”

(or, alternatively if you’re a student! :>)

- “how about this week you just go in tomorrow, then take the rest of the week off. i know you’ll have to email your profs but your health comes first - yes even mentally. you’re a hard worker and you’ll be able to catch up before winter break love - but what i’m seeing now? you’re going to burn out if you don’t take this break.”

you listen to him and take the break, spending some days alone with him and he even messages his captain that he’s got to keep his eye on you.

“cap sends his best love, we all care about you.”

Simon/Ghost

unlike the other guys, ghost catches on quickly that you’ve been feeling upset. as someone who has his own internal battles, he recognizes easily when someone is fighting theirs. in fact, the night before he sees you rub your temples in frustration before slamming your laptop shut, he doesn’t have a huge reaction because he doesn’t want you to feel embarrassed or upset - instead he minds his business and waits for you to be ready.

although, when the next day rolls by he sees you on the verge of a panic when your whole assignment/document completely vanishes after hours of work. at this point you’re bawling your eyes out and he can hear from his office so he quickly gets up to check on you.

“you alright in here?” he asks, keeping a bit of distance not wanting to intrude on you even though you’ve told him before that he isn’t pushing your boundaries, he prefers to tread lightly and respect your space.

you explain to him what’s happened, or what’s been happening for that matter. not only did your work just vanish out of thin air on your laptop, the workload you’ve received has been insufferable.

you’re the one who initiates seeking him out and that’s when he fully goes to you with a warm embrace, hand on the back of your head holding you softly. “it’ll be alright, i’ll ask one of the guys to help you get that work back love.”

“i’ve been feeling terrible simon, i know i don’t say anything but i think i might just explode - or i kinda have.. haven’t i.” he chuckles a bit and sighs, “i noticed but i didn’t want to make you upset by bringing it up. you’ve gotta be easier on yourself, you do a lot and even though you might not have all your work done by tomorrow you need to take a break for your well being. not for me, for you. promise me a you’ll take a break?”

you nod, “good. i’m glad you’re listening to me for once.”

“hey i do listen to you! when i want to!” you say with a sniffle.

he laughs and holds you a bit tighter, he won’t let you go through this alone. you’re gonna spend the next few days just with him - relaxing till you’re feeling better.

I HOPE THIS IS ALRIGHT! thank you so much for the first ask <3 im not like a writer of any sorts but i did try :) i hope you enjoy 🫶🏻

#soap mactavish #john soap mactavish #john soap mactavish x reader #soap mactavish x reader #kyle gaz garrick #gaz x reader #kyle gaz garrick x reader #gaz kyle garrick #ghost simon riley #simon riley #simon ghost riley #ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #task force 141 x reader #task force 141 #cod #cod mw3

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taelme · 2 years

Text

enchanted

genre: regency!au (with some tweaks ofc), (not so)enemies-to-lovers!au, viscount!Jaehyun (kind of slowburn, hurt/comfort elements?, angst? mutual pining, reader is an oldest daughter guys) pairing/s: Jaehyun / Reader (ft Yuta, Johnny & other ocs)

word count: 23k+ (guys. be fr its me we’re talking abt here) tw: reader and jh both have a tense rs w their parents? brief mentions of a parent’s death (not reader/jh’s), reader doesn’t exactly look after herself very well, lmk if I missed out on anything! summary: in a world where marriage is nothing more than an economic proposition, and where a person is no more than what they can offer, you and Jaehyun rediscover what it means to be with each other, in the very essence of the word

a/n: this is really funny cause... so far the fics i have for my ‘tswift for the neos’ discourse are all johnjae.... life is like that, i guess. anyway. 3rd installment! this was a LONG time coming and i rly hope u guys enjoy it! took me a while to get back into the rhythm of writing so thank u all for bearing w my radio silence HAHHA this is based off of enchanted and gold rush (and any other easter eggs you find hehe- i’d love to hear if it reminds u of other tswift songs), reblogs are VERY appreciated!! happy reading loveys~ read this on ao3

You ached for rest. Not the kind that sleep guaranteed, no. This rest you ached for felt much deeper, much further from reach. Much like a stranger you wished to know.

“Do you remember what we discussed?”

Each inhale of yours didn’t seem to satisfy the ache in your chest, feeling as though your ribs were caving in, unsure if it was anxiety or the carriage or your clothing that was making you taste your last meal, and even that seemed like it was ages ago.

“Your posture,” the whisper of your mother brought some of your awareness back to the question she’d asked.

What did you discuss?

You tried to dismiss the impending feeling of doom that grew stronger as you noticed your surroundings, the carriage all of a sudden seeming to be moving too quickly, your grip on your gloves tightening as you tried to recall what your mother was trying to remind you of.

Right.

Be obedient. The carriage rounded the corner, jolting you from the familiar bump in the road. Don’t immediately launch into literary discourses out of panic. Your mother took your gloves out of your weak grip, slipping them onto your hands with an assertiveness that shoved you further into your seat, resisting the urge to shiver at the feeling of her cold hands on your skin. Have good manners. You could now recognise the music echoing from the building, a piece you were sure you’d heard your sister play before. Mind your facial expression. Along with the sound of music, the chatter and giggles intensified. Don’t scribble funny names onto your dance card. You thought about your little sister at home, probably sitting by the window reading a book from your father’s library as she waited for you to return home. You thought about your father who was in his study doing God knows what. As if like a trigger, a wave of clarity washed over you; you’d suddenly felt unfortunately sober.

Find a marriage partner.

“There will be many eligible suitors present. After all, it’s the first ball of the season,” she spoke, more for herself than for you.

You were treating this like a game of sorts, anything to make the process feel more distant from you. You needed to go in, find someone who had status, money and could offer protection to your family, and play your part to see it through for the rest of your life. Sure, it could be seen as a game. A very long, tedious game.

“Right,” you swallowed, still feeling as though you could hurl at any given moment, though your mother would’ve never sensed your inner turmoil. You’d become somewhat of an expert at masking it. Perhaps it was all the times you heard your parents telling you to ‘use your words’; you’d become all-too-familiar with manipulating them as you pleased.

The carriage came to an abrupt halt, your mother already preparing to alight as you followed behind her. Taking in a deep breath of (rather fresh smelling) air, you wondered momentarily if that was all you needed, feeling much better than you did in the carriage as you followed your mother up to the entrance of the ball.

You’d barely paid attention to your name and your mother’s being announced to the room upon your entrance, hyper aware of the attendees and trying your best to suppress your discomfort, hoping you could somehow mentally dissuade them from approaching you for a dance, though you knew you would never let yourself allow that. You had more pressing issues at hand.

Your relief from the fresh air was short lived. A stocky middle aged man who, according to your mother, owned an extravagant amount of land and had just gotten out of his second marriage, actively looking for a third.

Masking your discomfort, once again, you’d complied when the man had asked for a dance (though it wasn’t like you had a choice, your dance card bare as ever). Though you didn’t remember what you talked about as you danced, you were too focused on counting your steps to distract from his lack of teeth and the damp warmth that sank into your clothes where his hand was placed.

“Do you do much sewing?”

“A fair amount,” you grunted, feeling out of breath from supporting his weight with how much he was leaning into you while dancing. Sewing surely didn’t give you enough strength for this.

“That is good. It would help to dedicate yourself to such productive activities. You could contribute much more to the household with that, compared to all the folly of reading or academic learning. Unnecessary, in my opinion, when I am more than sufficiently equipped in that area.”

You couldn’t help your blank stare, hoping your tired sigh wasn’t obvious as you nodded with a hum.

“Is that so?”

The man let out a grunt, seeming to think you were speaking sarcastically, “A woman like you should use your beauty to your advantage. It is your crowning glory.”

You forced out a smile, telling yourself to take his words as flattery even though you were desperate for this dance to end.

The truth of the matter was this: you were made to do all sorts of things at the start of your day, things that were considered ‘productive’ and would aid in attracting a husband. Needlework, dancing, singing, drawing… but when the afternoon came around you were free to do your other ‘less productive’ activities.

You chose reading, naps and the occasional letter writing. These pastimes were the only form of rest you were accustomed to, though you would always end up somewhat unsatisfied, feeling as though these forms of resting didn’t satisfy the desire for rest. Perhaps it was like a writer trying to find the right word for a situation and ending up settling for one with the most similarity—it still wasn’t the right word, but there was always a thought that perhaps you were looking for one with an entirely different meaning.

Sewing? You found it all too troublesome and required all the patience that you didn’t have, leaving it for those few hours in the morning that were dedicated to building up your ‘accomplishments’. But were you proficient at it? To answer simply, you were proficient to the extent that you felt it was necessary to attract a marriage partner.

Your promise to your mother not to write random names on your dance card was growing less and less serious with each forced smile you let out to acknowledge the man’s strong beliefs.

It was by your (you weren’t sure, actually, it seemed as though you’d danced more this night than in your entire lifetime) dance that you were starting to feel lightheaded, stepping aside to find your mother for a drink. It was as your dance partner led you back to your mother that your eyes couldn’t seem to help themselves, constantly glancing at the dance card hanging from your wrist, the empty spaces and the little pencil dangling from it simply calling out to you to put them to good use.

You only had about four spaces left on your card— thank goodness for that, you didn’t think you’d be able to last any longer. Your fingers fiddled with the little pencil as you walked, careful to keep your fidgeting out of sight, overhearing giggles and murmurs about a certain viscount that was rumoured to be attending tonight’s ball.

Viscount Jung? You almost scoffed at the way they seemed as if they were talking about the Queen. Whoever he was, it was absolutely tempting you, the offer of his name that was as easily tossed around as it could be written down on your silly card.

“He’s gorgeous , you’ll have to take my word for it. Beautiful features and physique. I saw him once when he came to my estate for a meeting with my husband. He’s an architect, and a very skilled one at that.”

You purse your lips, already concocting various images in your head of what he looked like. Tall? Amicable? Perhaps he had a nice smile, you always found that to be rather charming. Perhaps his movements were slow yet precise, his moves carrying the same kind of regal elegance of the buildings he designed.

“Well, I would think he has potential marriage partners lining up for him if that’s the case, hmm?” you heard, almost nodding in agreement.

As you scanned the room, you pursed your lips at the mental image you got of how any of these girls would behave if the tall, handsome architect you pictured in your brain were to show any attempt of courting them. Maybe not even to the extent of courting… perhaps just a passing glance, a brush of his hand against yours, to feel his imposing presence just like a Midas touch as he walked past.

You let yourself wonder, just for a moment, if he would ask to be introduced to you, if you would find his personality charming while you danced, if he would take a liking to you and engage in more than just superficial conversation on your accomplishments, how you would feel to be at the receiving end of attention that was not unwanted for once.

Though it was short lived, your mind had taken the liberty of playing the rest of the sequence of events—your mother’s meddling, heightened tension between you and her because of said meddling—you cut the daydream-turned-nightmare off before you made yourself bitter for no good reason.

You were already getting too invested in this conversation, the image and elaborate backstory you’d created for him in your head. But it wasn’t exactly your fault, there was hardly any real entertainment to be found here. You held your dance card open as much as you could without going noticed, beginning to write the usual names you fell-back on when you grew tired of dancing.

“It’s near impossible to catch his attention, though,” you tuned-in to the conversation between the two mothers from before, “he wouldn’t even spare a glance at anything other than his sketches when he was visiting my home. I’d assume one would have to be nothing short of perfect to even get noticed by someone of his calibre. I can’t imagine he would settle for anything less.”

“Do you think he's coming tonight?”

“I heard he responded with his attendance, but Lord, have mercy on our daughters… I doubt he’d even cast a passing sigh their way,” you heard one of the chaperones sigh, shaking her head.

“What’s his name again?”

You tapped your pencil against the inside of your fingers absently, frustrated at the way your mind was blanking as you tried to recall another name you could use to fill the last empty space in your dance card.

“Viscount Jung Jaehyun.”

You hummed. Jung Jaehyun . You figured it was a safe bet, it wasn’t as if he’d actually ask you to dance.

You worked quickly in scribbling his name, along with many others you usually fell back on, onto the paper. The feeling of pencil against paper had never been as satisfying as it did now as your feet ached, clothes felt uncomfortable against your skin and throat feeling dry as sand.

Unfortunately for you, that victory didn’t seem to last very long.

“My dear, where have you been? I’ve been looking for you,” your mother cooed once you’d reached her, her tone making you feel as though you’d just been cued to say your next line.

You shot her a look, putting on a friendly smile as you greeted the people she was with, a few women you definitely did not recognise and a man with a very charming smile, clothes and jewellery that looked like he definitely lived… comfortably .

You were introduced to this man, addressed as Mr Nakamoto, a young-looking man who was supposedly from a reputable family from overseas, back from his travels around Europe. All of which was unimportant to your mother, of course, who simply hinted that he had money and was looking for a wife, the only things she claimed you should be caring about.

Perhaps that was true. Contrary to how it seemed, you were a lot more targeted in your search for a marriage partner. If you sifted through your mental list of men you’d danced with thus far into the night, your best potential marriage partner was either Mr Nakamoto (from what you were hearing), or the widower Baron who told you your silence was pleasing to him.

“Would you do me the honour of a dance?” He smiled, already extending a hand to reach for your dance card. In your panic, you withdrew your hand just slightly, only having it snatched away again by your mother, whose eyes zeroed in on the newly-added names.

You didn’t have time to react before the woman standing next to her had peered over as well, practically exclaiming with delight, “Oh! The viscount has asked you to dance? How fortunate! You must not dawdle, then.”

Your eyes widened, about to protest with some reason you hadn’t quite thought up yet, using that split second to contemplate the repercussions and how willing you were to deal with them if you were to confess that it was a fake name. That is, until your gaze landed on the man currently being led (or pushed) towards you.

Barely being able to protest before the both of you had been abandoned on the dance floor, the man looking nothing but irritable as he glared at you. You were assuming this was the man who was the centre of all the hushed giggles and gossip of tonight.

The image you had in your head of the mysterious Viscount Jung was almost instantly shattered and made new again, as if the previous image had never existed and this was the only one that could ever exist. How, for some reason, it made sense .

“This would all make sense if you let me explain,” you blurted out, seeing him quirk an eyebrow at you. Even his eyebrows were pretty.

He let out a huff at your expression, wondering how you could still seem so unremorseful after causing him such inconvenience . The last thing Jaehyun wanted here was for people to assume he was actually interested in somebody.

“You owe me an explanation, regardless,” the man’s voice had shocked you.

Deep and smooth, capable of lulling you into a trance if you weren’t already so on edge, even if his tone was curt and dripping with annoyance, “You’ve somehow managed to get the whole room staring at us.”

He let his gaze flicker briefly over the necklace you were wearing, back to your mother who was standing at the side looking on with evident disdain. Delicate looking Amethysts decorating your neck made Jaehyun wonder where you’d gotten them from. He only recalled Rubies to be quite popular among the girls in the other towns, according to his closest friend Johnny.

As if reminded of where you were, you tried to ignore the stares as you reached a hand up to his shoulder, swallowing the gasp that almost escaped at the feeling of his hand going to your back, tensing up visibly as your brain processed the music playing.

He let out a sigh as the both of you began to dance. It would’ve been an amusing sight if you were someone else looking on, both of you clearly not wishing to dance yet being whisked along to the upbeat tempo of the music, executing the dizzying choreography with what could only be described as trained movements.

A hint of a smile graced his features, though it definitely wasn’t directed at you.

“Anytime before my death, please,” he spoke, seeming to find his little joke amusing from the little huff of laughter he struggled to contain.

You scoffed, for some reason not feeling as inclined to offer him the same grace you would your other dance partners. Rolling your shoulders back, you kept your stare steady and refused to look down, lest he think he succeeded in making you feel small.

“That’s not a lot of time,” you quipped back, “Besides, your sour attitude is what will earn you an early death, if anything,” you muttered, audible enough for him to hear.

“Yours isn’t any better, in case you haven’t realised,” he huffed, eyebrows furrowing slightly in disdain.

“You don’t know me,” you huffed.

“And neither do you,” he was quick to reply, earning a sigh from you.

“Look, I wouldn’t be dancing with you if I had a choice,” you scoffed, figuring he was at least mildly offended from the way his eyes seemed to widen just momentarily.

“Oh, but you had a choice in writing my name on your dance card, didn’t you?” He bit back with a sarcastic smile, making you suck in a breath. That was definitely caused by your annoyance, not the dimples on his cheeks that you noticed with his smile.

“Just so we’re clear, I wouldn’t be dancing with someone as ill-mannered and arrogant as you either. Or dancing at all, for that matter. You’ve somehow seemed to spoil both of those outcomes,” he drawled, a wistful sigh that he masked with a soft smile.

Almost like a child, you’d wanted to mutter something about how you weren’t ill-mannered, but you figured what you’d shown him thus far wouldn’t exactly help your case in proving that.

You could hear girls swooning as you passed them.

“And you had the choice to show up to the ball, did you not? What did you think was going to happen here if not dancing? Did you think we’d have a canvas laid out for you to do some drawing?”

You struggled to maintain your gently pleased expression, finding your words to be quite amusing. Judging from the genuine huff of laughter you’d let out, to anyone else you two would’ve seemed to be really hitting it off.

“We could spend the entire night airing out our… grievances ,” he sighed, “but you still haven’t explained how we have ended up like this.”

You closed your eyes just briefly enough to roll them, opening them to see his jaw clenched as he glared at you.

The sigh he breathed out in annoyance succeeded in drawing your attention to your proximity. Only then noticing how differently you felt dancing with him than you did with your previous dance partners who felt as though they would collapse on you at any given moment. Somehow, the viscount felt steadier, making you unconsciously lean into him as you danced. Almost like your body recognised its ability to be dependent in this moment, no matter how minuscule the moment was. Like muscle memory.

Lifting your gaze up to his face, you tried not to let it linger for too long on his lips, their colour reminding you of a rose and hinted at the softness of a rose petal. Feeling the tap of his fingers against your back was what nudged your gaze to his eyes, understanding a little better why the gossip about him usually involved the word ‘beautiful’.

“I might be able to die and resurrect before you start explaining—”

“If I must explain,” you cut him off, earning a huff from him, “I usually write fake names on my dance card because eighteen dances are simply eighteen-too-many bouts of dancing with strange old men. Your name just happened to grace my ears when I was doing so.”

Jaehyun huffed, “And what did you think was going to happen here if not dancing?” He repeated your words back to you with an all-too-smug tone.

You let out a deep sigh, funnily enough, almost stumbling but feeling his hand on your back keep you standing upright.

He did have a point (as annoying as his execution was) but you weren’t going to admit it, of course. It was much more than just ‘dancing’. What happened in these balls could very well determine the future of yourself, your family and your unborn children, as you’ve been so generously reminded time and time again.

It was as if your mother was in your head, telepathically communicating these reminders to you whenever you were on the brink of letting yourself enjoy what you were doing. You had a responsibility to fulfil as the oldest daughter of your family. Him, however? To be able to waltz in here and expect to leave without dancing and know no one would bat an eye?

You huffed, fixing your gaze on the space between his eyebrows just so you could look as though you were deeply attentive.

“Must be nice not having to worry about your future,” you rolled your eyes.

That seemed to have struck a nerve with the Viscount, who frowned slightly at your words, an uncomfortable silence falling between the both of you.

“Was that the real reason you wrote my name down?” he finally spoke. His gaze seemed to truly hold offence now, feeling even more distant from him even though you were standing so close to him. The realisation that he truly was a stranger sinking in deeply, filling you with discomfort.

You didn’t seem to catch on to his implication at first, only realising after you’d recalled what you said to warrant such a reaction from him.

“I’m not after your money,” you told him plainly, seeing his frown grow deeper.

“You expect me to believe you?”

You glared at him, frowning slightly, his expression only mirroring yours.

“It seems I would be better off not expecting anything from you,” you huffed, “but you cannot expect anyone in this room not to be after you for your money. You’re surely smart enough to know that when you step into this room...”

You shook your head, each word seeming more for yourself than for the Viscount, a reminder that even now you were still meant to be playing your long, tedious game.

“... you are no longer viewed as yourself, only your eligibility, how well you’re able to act out your role. And if we were to go by that, I would be dancing with Mr Nakamoto there instead.”

The viscount followed the direction you had gestured in with your head, spotting the man standing next to your mother and chaperone.

“That’s Mr Nakamoto?” The viscount murmured, something almost akin to recognition in the man’s eyes as they met his own. The name seemed to ring a bell with him, though there was still a sense of unfamiliarity in his thoughtful expression. He didn’t think it was the kind of familiarity he would feel from a recent memory. Perhaps he would ask Johnny.

“Yes. Do you know him?”

There was no reply. A part of you was curious, wondering why his silence irked you so much.

At the viscount’s silence, you had only then realised the song was coming to an end. He let go of you as quickly as the song allowed, bowing out of courtesy and leading you to where your mother and Mr Nakamoto were, a certain discomfort in his expression that you could not seem to place, “By all means.”

And just as you said, he’d left the ball right after, no one batting an eye (but almost everyone running their mouths).

Still recovering from your exchange, you fixed your gloves, huffing at no one in particular, seeing Mr Nakamoto direct a rather amused smile towards you.

“Are you feeling alright? I hope dancing with the viscount wasn’t as dizzying as it looked.”

Your eyebrows raised, mustering a polite smile as you shook your head, determined to leave thoughts of the Viscount behind.

“Oh, no. Not at all. Yes, I’m perfectly fine.” Or you hoped to be in a while, at least.

Mr Nakamoto, you discovered over the rest of the evening, was nothing short of a perfect gentleman (going by your sister’s manuals). You struggled to find a flaw (and trust me, you were searching hard for it).

Beneath his extravagant clothes, confident demeanour, good dancing and how well-read he was about topics you could definitely see your father being eager to discuss over meals, you found that he was everything your mother was looking for. But other than the boxes he ticked off of her ‘Ideal son-in-law checklist’, there was nothing that compelled you to grow more acquainted with him. There wasn’t that… spark of attraction you would imagine was a non-negotiable aspect of the romance novels you read and plays you watched. The closest you’d gotten to feeling that tonight was in your sheer annoyance towards the viscount.

Unfortunately for you, there was much longer left for you to endure before you would be able to return home, but Mr Nakamoto’s company proved to be… sufficient.

Mr Nakamoto (whose first name you later heard from your mother was Yuta), kept you busy for the rest of the ball, occupied and mildly entertained with many stories about his travels (most of which you couldn’t differentiate between truth or lie). You would’ve even considered it a plus with how much he was talking, you were free to eat your supper in peace, undisturbed by other men due to Yuta’s riveting tales.

“I haven’t travelled much myself, but whatever you described does sound very lovely,” you would comment once in a while, feeling as though you were talking to the little children you would see at the market. You would smile, nod and coo at their stories without much care if they were reality or fiction. It was almost like an escape from reality, one you welcomed with open arms tonight.

“Do you have any siblings?” he asked suddenly, making you straighten up after a while of quietly enjoying your supper.

“Yes, a younger sister,” you murmured, “she’s not out yet, though.”

Yuta hummed over a mouthful of food, swallowing it with a wince before continuing, “Are you two close?”

You smiled, a small huff leaving you as you shrugged, “Well, yes, I suppose that is one way you could describe it.”

Yuta huffed, smiling as if recalling something (a story you assumed).

“Did I say something amusing?”

Yuta smiled, shaking his head, “No, it just reminded me of these siblings I met while I was in America…” setting off into yet another story about his travels.

Though you really didn’t mind, he was just giving you more stories to tell your sister once you got home.

You were at your wits end when it was time for the ball to be over, feeling as though you’d used up all your energy for the season from just dancing and listening to Yuta’s stories. You’d wanted nothing more than to simply curl into bed and sleep the rest of the week away.

Exchanging greetings as you parted ways, you tried hard to ignore the way your mother was looking at you as you returned to your carriage, head feeling heavy yet still feeling tension in your limbs, unable to fully relax with your mother in the carriage with you.

“He’s a very pleasant man,” she murmured, gaze trained outside the window as if she could see anything other than trees and empty road.

“Who?” you frowned.

“Who else? Mr Nakamoto.”

You let out a deep sigh, the breath you took in not satisfying the breathlessness you felt, nodding.

“He is,” your reply was curt, leaving no room for elaboration, though that didn’t seem to stop your mother.

“I heard from one of the ladies that he’s planning on staying here for a while. Planning to buy the estate near the park. You know, the one with the balcony that overlooks the lake. It’s an expensive property.”

You hummed.

You wanted to be interested, you really did. But the movement of the carriage was starting to make your head pound and you didn’t think you had any energy left in you to pretend to be bothered about whether Yuta’s potential estate overlooked anything .

Deeming your fatigue as a sort of defiance, your mother’s tongue clicked sharply as she shook her head at you.

“How can you be so… “ she scoffed, shaking her head, “need I remind you that you are doing this for the family? You need to start taking ownership of your responsibility in this whole affair.”

You sighed, shifting in your seat and directing your gaze towards her, “I know.”

Though you tried your best to remain respectful with your tone, your irritation got the better of you, “I am taking ownership. Am I not allowed to be tired after a whole night of dancing and socialising?”

“This is not just ‘ dancing and socialising ’. You need to realise the gravity of what just one dance could affect, for your family’s sake.”

Of course you knew that, but it wasn’t as if you could get her to see things from your perspective. She was your mother, and the last time she’d seen from any perspective other than that was before you were born.

You huffed, suppressing the many words you’d wished to have her hear, trying to remind yourself that words were unlikely to get you anywhere near an understanding with her. That would suffice for the night until you slept off your anger.

Nodding in hopes that it would appease her, you focused on your breathing, hoping it would somehow ease your headache that was coming on stronger than you’d wished. Unfortunately for you, you’ve come to learn that your mothers worries were only ever vented through such exchanges with you, though they weren't much of an exchange to begin with.

“Think of your father,” you couldn’t help the wave of discomfort that washed over you at the mention of him, as if you could feel his presence in the carriage at the mere mention of him, domineering and tense.

“He slaved away for his whole life to ensure his daughters could be viewed as respectable ladies in society. It is a privilege to even attend a ball like you just did. And yet you act as if we’re putting you through torture!”

Torture was one label for it; your long, tedious game.

“You are the oldest, you are to set an example for your sister. I do not wish for you to taint her innocence with your… your insolence .”

You nodded, almost wanting to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. With how much they fed her those manuals on what a respectable man and woman should be, how they kept her in the house as much as possible, allowed not even for her to paint because of how it would dirty her clothing, it was a wonder how they thought anything could possibly ‘ taint’ her at all.

Though at the same time, you would be lying if you said you didn’t wish to live as quiet and simple a life as she did, out of the loop of all the burdens and worries that seemed to follow your family for generations, growing more complex with each cycle it made.

“I know,” you stifled your sigh lest she use that as another example of your ‘insolence’, “I’m sorry,” you murmured, a foolproof way of appeasing her you’d come to learn after a lifetime of experience. Whether you meant it was an entirely separate matter.

Your words seemed to have their intended effect, allowing you to sit in the quiet tension of the carriage ride until you felt it come to a stop, hearing the rustling of the footman moving to open the carriage door, exiting with haste that only came with the feeling of a successful escape.

Your sister was quick to meet you in your bedroom as you reached your bedroom, timed with a precision you both knew came with too much time spent at home.

“I didn’t expect you to be awake,” you huffed, earning a shrug from her, a book you recognised to be from your father’s library in her hands, her finger tucked between the pages she stopped at.

“Couldn’t sleep,” she sighed, a dreamy look in her eyes that you supposed held all sorts of hope to hear stories of love and romance, “I suppose I was too excited for you.”

You sighed.

“I hope that was a good sigh,” she inched closer, dog-earing the page she was on and tossing it aside, the book thumping softly on your stool.

She shifted on your bed, making herself comfortable as you changed out of your clothes leaving just your nightgown, glancing at her through her reflection in your standing mirror.

“I hope it was too,” you huffed, allowing yourself to be amused at your own joke, even though you didn’t very well feel like making light of your horrible night.

“How was it? Did anybody catch your eye?”

Your thoughts ran first to the Viscount (and his rosy lips—this wasn’t your fault, really.) It upset you, how he of all people had left a lasting impression on you even though you’d spent hours and hours talking to Mr Nakamoto. It upset you how you just knew that even if you did tell others about his lousy manners or his condescending demeanour, no one would have wanted to believe you, everyone already believed he was what they wanted him to be; a gentleman straight out of one of your sister’s manuals.

“There were… some , I suppose,” you spoke as vaguely as you could, hoping that would be enough to satisfy her (even though you knew it wouldn’t).

“Handsome?” The lilt in her tone was awfully hopeful.

You sighed, turning to her with a knowing look, “Handsomely rich .”

Her mouth fell open, features pulling into a frown, “You know for a fact I didn’t mean money. Were they charming? Attractive?”

“I suppose one of them was… not ugly,” you felt embarrassed saying it, for some reason, as if you could anticipate the viscount’s reaction if he’d heard your words. The way the corner of his lips would curl up in a smirk, tilting his chin up at you with all the arrogance and cockiness in his being.

For some reason, you were afraid to voice out your thoughts on him. Perhaps it was the fault of the little nagging voice that persisted in your head, telling you that it truly didn’t matter if you thought he was physically attractive, because you didn’t stand a chance to begin with. Voicing it out almost seemed like a jinx, a nail in the coffin that forced you to face this reality instead of living in the hope that he could have harboured good feelings towards you too; simply for the pleasure that came with being perceived by someone like him.

You figured now wasn’t the time for you to start getting comfortable with hoping.

Turning to your sister with a shrug, you spoke, “But he had the worst demeanour.”

“I heard a Viscount asked you to dance. It couldn’t have been him, could it?”

Perhaps it was those very manuals that led her to this assumption.

Though it was for her own good, you found yourself not wanting to burst her bubble. She needed to know that it wasn’t about whether they were a Viscount or not, but that the men she would encounter in the marriage market in general weren’t as fairytale-like as they were written out to be. The likelihood of marrying someone you found even mildly attractive was rare. Yet the hope she held was important, precious almost.

Although the growing desire to find a love match was gaining popularity these days, you didn’t consider yourself to have that luxury. It seemed all too indulgent, saved for people who could afford to worry about things like love. Not a lady like you, the eldest daughter of her family carrying her parents’ burden on her weary shoulders.

“Do you think all viscounts are handsome and kind?” you laughed, beginning to undo your hair.

“Don’t know. Never met one before,” she sighed, “which is precisely why I’m asking you. ”

You hummed, “Well, the other man I spent most of the night with wasn’t exactly better. He spent most of the time talking about himself, but I suppose it was good entertainment.”

“So he wasn’t the handsome one?”

“The viscount?” you frowned.

Your sister’s eyes lit up, her smile growing, “So, you think the viscount’s handsome?”

Realising your mistake, you narrowed your eyes at her, “I think it’s best you forget about him.”

Somehow, the words left a bitter taste on your tongue, your sister’s expression of confusion making you feel almost frustrated, “I’m only saying this because I don’t think we’ll be seeing much of him after tonight.”

You made your way over to your bed, getting into bed and shifting to find a comfortable position, your sister still sitting next to you and looking at you with that same thoughtful expression.

“Are you that upset about it?” you huffed, trying to read into her emotions, “It’s nothing to worry about, really. Mother seems to have found a man that’s to her liking, you know, finances, property, intelligence and manners all included.”

She shook her head, mustering a small smile, “No, It’s not that. I was just wondering… how difficult it’s probably going to be for me to find a husband.”

You frowned.

“You have loads of accomplishments. You’re going to be fine,” you assured her, choosing gentle words that paved a way for a peaceful conclusion as always, though your words seemed to have weighed heavier on her, a small sigh leaving her as she toyed with your bedsheet under her hand. You would be lying if you said it didn’t spark some sort of competitive urge to prove that you could find better words to dissipate her worry.

She sighed, briefly glancing at you before looking away, mumbling in a way that was almost reluctant to be heard, “Love is important too, you know.”

You fell silent at her words, the ache in you growing obvious again. That ache for the kind of rest that went beyond physical things. One that seemed natural for you to forego, for everyone’s sake but yours.

You nodded, swallowing the dryness in your throat. You sifted through your archive of neutral, concluding words, words that you didn’t necessarily believe for yourself, but words that would suffice for now.

“I’m sure it will find you,” you murmured.

There was nothing but silence in the room afterwards. feeling yourself starting to get drowsy as your sister got up, walking over to your bedside stool to retrieve her book.

“What’s his name?” she murmured.

At your silence, she continued, “you know, maybe I can keep my ears open for any gossip when I go to the flower market,” she insisted, eager to have a little bit of adventure in her otherwise mundane days, clearly.

You thought about it just for a moment, wondering if your pride overpowered your curiosity on what kind of gossip she would hear. You figured that in this moment, you couldn’t deny your curiosity.

“Jung Jaehyun.”

Only after she left, you realised she hadn’t specified who she was referring to.

===

The ache did not disappear when you woke up near the afternoon, as much as you wished it did. Frankly, you didn’t manage to get much sleep at all, the sound of your door bursting open being what jolted you awake.

No words were exchanged, simply your mother rummaging through your drawers she used for storage for something she couldn’t seem to find, returning empty-handed to wherever she came from.

Figuring you could have something to eat before returning to bed, you got dressed, heading to the dining room. You saw your sister and your mother there eating breakfast, the staff clearing what you assumed to be your father’s used plates and utensils. It was almost strange how you felt yourself relax at the knowledge of not having to sit through a meal with him.

“Good morning,” your sister’s grin was on full display as you sat next to her, “there’s a surprise for you in the drawing room.”

“Surprise?” you frowned, taking a bite of your food even though you weren’t all that hungry, knowing it would set your mother off if you weren’t eating.

As if it were orchestrated by some divine power, you heard the low vibrations of what could only be a man’s voice in your otherwise female-occupied household.

Men, as in, plural?

You stared at the doorway of the dining room, a strange feeling in your gut as you heard the voices grow louder, your sister seeming to catch on as she grabbed your hand, forcing you to abandon your breakfast as she led you to the drawing room.

“A fresh one,” she smiled, her clues not giving you any idea of what awaited you in the drawing room.

“Living and breathing?” You weren’t sure why you were breathless, but you became sure when you saw the man standing next to your father, whose gaze had met yours with a certain finality and hadn’t bothered tearing itself away.

Living and breathing, right in front of your eyes.

“Roses!” your sister chipped in, “pink ones. And white clovers too.”

Viscount Jung Jaehyun, standing just a few paces away from you and your sister in your drawing room as your father talked his ear off about the renovations he wanted to make to the estate.

It irked you how your thoughts had almost instantly shifted to the rosy lips of the viscount, allowing yourself to wonder just for a moment if the flowers were from him. It gave you whiplash to think of him gifting you such romantic flowers after the exchange you both shared just hours before.

Perhaps they were meant as some sort of an apology? Perhaps the viscount had dug deep within himself to find that his behaviour was far from pleasant. Yes , if that was the case, maybe you were right to think he wasn’t as horrible as he seemed, maybe the viscount had some decency in him after all.

“The name on the card didn’t sound familiar, but I figured you would know once you see it!”

That seemed to have caught Jaehyun’s attention (as much as he tried to hide it), though he masked his curiosity well as he pretended to be fascinated with the interior of your drawing room.

Rolling your shoulders back, you fixed your posture, reaching a hand out to the little card that was perched delicately in the midst of the flowers, a simple handwritten card that read:

- To thank you for the pleasure of your company - Nakamoto Yuta

“Are they from the viscount?” your sister asked loudly, earning a sharp nudge from you that sent her stumbling, your gaze darting to the viscount and missing the smirk that had graced his lips.

You shook your head, murmuring, “The other man.”

Your sister wasn’t doing a very good job in saving your face in front of the viscount, making no move to hide her dismay as her lips parted with a sigh of disappointment, “The boring one?”

Grabbing her hand quickly, you led her back to the dining room, making sure your voice was more than audible as you walked past the viscount.

“The only man from the evening who was worth remembering,” you commented, suppressing your satisfaction when you heard the viscount clear his throat, suggesting to move to your father’s office for a more conducive discussion.

Just as you’d settled back into your seat at the dining table, feeling more of an appetite to eat now after your little success in irking the viscount, your mother spoke from where she stood by the doorway, glancing out of the window briefly as she fixed her gloves.

“Get dressed, we should be ready to entertain callers soon.”

“Callers?” you couldn’t help but frown, hearing your sister grunt from where she was beside you.

“I’ve invited Mr Nakamoto for some tea, perhaps the two of you could go for a stroll in the late afternoon.” You inhaled deeply, something about the proposal not seeming to entice you as much as your curiosity as to what was going on in your father’s office with the viscount. It was a shame even boring estate talk could seem more appealing to you than conversation and a stroll with an attractive, eligible suitor.

“Well that’s my cue to leave, then. Wouldn’t want to be caught in the crossfire of mindless talk,” amusement left your sister in hushed giggles, her chair screeching against the wooden floor loudly as she got up, making you cringe at the sound she was otherwise unaffected by.

Your mother hadn’t bothered acknowledging her departure, though you heard your sister’s footsteps bounding up the stairs, the sound of her bidding your father goodbye before the same thumping down the stairs echoed till the front door was shut.

You sighed, looking out of the window at the cloud cover that kept the sun from gracing anything beneath it, choosing once again to push your feelings behind you for the sake of your mother who wanted to ensure security for your future. For the sake of your father who longed to retire. For the sake of your sister who was still trusting that there was love and hope in her world.

You would receive Mr Nakamoto and you would do so gracefully. Another step towards the end goal in your long, tedious game.

===

The afternoon went perfectly. A little too perfectly, if you were being honest.

It was almost frustrating, how there was barely anything to complain about when it came to Yuta. He was on his best behaviour today, even managing to start and sustain a very well-developed conversation with your father when he had come down with the viscount briefly while they made their way to the other part of your estate.

And there you sat, like a jilted lover during the whole exchange, frustrated at the fact that Yuta had somehow managed to have everybody smitten for him, except yourself. A little nagging in your gut had tried to convince you that perhaps that was how Yuta wanted to go about this; winning over your family so he wouldn’t have to try so hard to win you over, as if this was his strategy in his own long, tedious game.

Even as you went out to promenade by the lake, you struggled to be present to the man next to you.

“Did you like the flowers?” he asked, earning a blank stare from you till you managed to register his question.

“Oh, yes I did. They’re lovely flowers.”

“Do you happen to have a liking for them? I saw many arrangements in your house when your mother was showing me around.”

You shook your head, the sudden recollection of your sister’s words about mindless small talk coming to mind as you dismissed them with a huff, “Not particularly. I mean, I do like them, but I wouldn’t go as far as making arrangements and whatnot. That is more of my sister’s hobby.”

Yuta hummed, “Do you have a favourite?”

Glancing up at Yuta, the way his smile was relaxed, his attention seemed to be solely focused on you. Something about it threw you off guard, wondering why he’d taken a liking to you when you were sure his smile and his charm would have any girl in your neighbourhood begging for his attention (perhaps just not yourself included).

“Lilacs.”

Yuta’s smile grew, looking somewhat pleased with your answer.

“Is first love something you hold dear to yourself?”

You let out a huff at that, impressed that he was familiar with the language of flowers, the thought of his pink roses from the morning making you feel somewhat uncomfortable at his pursuit.

You shook your head, “I’ve never actually… experienced it before.”

Yuta’s next words had stilled your fingers over your umbrella, wondering if he’d taken the words straight out of one of the romance novels in your bookshelf.

“I’d like to think it feels like this,” he sighed, a serene expression on his face as you walked together, “being able to share this with you.”

You were holding your breath, you were sure of it. But why wasn’t this feeling as heart-fluttering as you were expecting? Sure, his words were nice to hear, but was it because you were too distracted at the moment?

Now, you were frustrated. It wasn’t as if you could go back in time to ask him to repeat himself in the hope that you would feel something. Perhaps you were just tired, you told yourself (even if you knew that really wasn’t the reason behind your apathy).

“Shall we head back?”

Even as you were walking back, Yuta didn’t seem to let up as easily. His demeanour was vastly different from how it was at the ball. This time, he was asking you more questions about yourself, as if he were specifically orchestrating dialogue sequences that would allow him to insert romantic one-liners like the one before. Though they were flowery, and by the nature of the word you figured flowery would mean they were pleasant, but you were at a loss with the way they left you feeling well… not exactly pleased . You were hearing him, definitely, but you were stuck feeling like he wasn’t really hearing you.

As you were walking back, you reached your house just as the viscount’s carriage was leaving, tensing up as you saw your father standing next to the little flower garden behind the gates of your house as he saw the viscount off.

You avoided his gaze, hoping you would be able to walk past him without being stopped, but it seemed that wasn’t the case with how Yuta greeted your father with much more enthusiasm than you’d seen him bear all day.

You’d taken that as your queue to enter the house first, the sound of the piano echoing from the walls indicating your sister was home and that made you all the more eager to be in the company of someone you actually wanted to see today. Your father and Yuta followed behind you, not seeming to be affected by your absence as you drew closer to your sister, finally feeling as though you could relax slightly more in her presence.

“How was it?” she whispered, glancing not-so-subtly at Yuta, earning a small mustered smile from yourself.

“He was lovely,” you told her, (which in fact, wasn’t a lie).

She grinned.

“He’s handsome too, I must say. But even so, he can’t be compared to the man father was talking to this morning. They each have a different… air,” her shoulders lifted as she spoke, arms moving in the way your old piano tutor called ‘with emotion’ as she played, “you know, in the way they carry themselves.”

You let out a deep sigh, nodding slowly, “You do know that man is the viscount I mentioned the night before, don’t you?”

Her playing faltered abruptly (though your father and Yuta were too distracted to notice), slowly picking up where she’d left off, “ The viscount? The one named Jung Jaehyun? He was the man father was talking to?”

Her amazement was obvious, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t understand why she was so shocked.

You nodded, “The ill-mannered one.”

She frowned, “That’s unfortunate, then. He really did live up to what the townspeople were saying about him. Beauty and grace and elegance… a man that looks like everything he touches turns to gold.”

You rolled your eyes, amusement hinted in your smile, “Not everything gold is worth wanting.”

“Would you say Mr Nakamoto is the exception, then? More worth wanting than the Midas-touch-viscount himself?” She scoffed.

You didn’t have an answer for that, maybe because you weren’t convinced of the one you were going to offer her.

“We’ll see. He just might have to be.”

She giggled, seemingly satisfied with your answer as she resumed playing the piano, the lilting melody carrying you elsewhere for the moment until Yuta was done with the conversation he was having with your father, bidding you goodbye as he left.

As your father made his way over to you, you forced yourself to meet his gaze, resisting the urge to look away and fidget in your discomfort. “I’m going to be away in the afternoons for business over the next few days, so you’ll be handling the meetings with the viscount on the estate. I trust that you’re already well versed on what needs to be taken care of.”

“Will mother be joining—”

“What good will that do?” he huffed, “Do not waste your time with these silly questions. There is no need to get her or your sister involved and cause them unnecessary stress. You are capable enough of handling it on your own.”

You sighed, watching him leave in the direction of his office, leaving you to slump onto the sofa next to where your sister was, curling into a comfortable position for a nap as the gentle melody worked on lulling you to a place where your worries were far away and rest seemed within reach.

===

If Jaehyun was surprised to see you the next day, he didn’t show it, simply glancing at you as he entered the house, nodding his head as if he’d expected you to be there (even if he really didn’t).

“I trust my father has briefed you that I'll be handling the estate matters while he’s away?” you were first to break the silence, watching as one of his hands moved to touch the pads of his fingertips, looking somewhat preoccupied. Or perhaps, he was recalling his exchange with your father, looking at you curiously. Though that curiosity had left as soon as it came, replaced with a playful glint in his eyes.

“My apologies,” his tone was anything but remorseful, punctuated by the little smirk that was playing at his lips, “I figure you’d much rather be… well, handling Mr Nakamoto.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, “D’you fancy yourself a comedian, my lord?”

Jaehyun had simply shrugged, showing some modesty in the small shake of his head.

“Good. Because you’d be a very poor one.”

You began to lead him to your father’s office, Jaehyun noticing the way your steps had slowed as you grew nearer to the door, the deep breath you’d taken in before your hands had met the doorknob, turning it and pushing only to be met with a smell that was unmistakably like your father.

Hints of a pipe smoked hours ago, the smell of his library books, ink on his desk, the musk and citrus and alcohol that blended together to form the imposing presence of your father even when he wasn’t here. Your posture had straightened and your steps became quiet and wary almost instinctively.

You stayed far from his desk, as you had always done, surprising Jaehyun with the way you’d simply taken the documents you needed and sat yourself on one of the chairs in the office, legs crossing uncomfortably as you gripped the papers in your hands.

Eyeing you carefully, Jaehyun made his way to the chair nearest to you, pulling out his own blueprints that he and your father had discussed the day before.

“Did my…” you began, throat feeling dry all of a sudden at the sight of the documents before you, “did my father tell you what I had to go over on his behalf?”

Jaehyun simply tilted his head at you.

“We’ve gone over it actually, he… just told me to ask you for the stamp and to clear the financial documents. He mentioned that you took care of the family’s accounts.”

You figured you shouldn’t have been surprised that your father didn’t actually want your opinion on his decisions. You’d just let yourself get carried away thinking he wanted to know what you thought about the things he made you responsible for.

“Oh, so my business here is simply for the seal, am I correct to say that—?”

“No, actually, I would appreciate it if I could go over these plans with you once before you approve them. It’s only sensible if—”

You shook your head firmly, Jaehyun stopping himself at your gesture, eyebrows furrowing as if the situation was upsetting to him.

“That won’t be necessary. I would rather not impose on his… plans,” you sighed, averting your gaze from his as you stood up, making your way over to your father’s desk for his seal.

“Impose?” he quirked an eyebrow, wondering why it was that you seemed to withdraw so easily when it came to your father, “You had no problem imposing on my plans at the ball.”

Rolling your eyes, you struggled to keep your hands steady as they sifted past the papers on your father’s desk.

“I would be sorry if your initial plans were any good to begin with,” you murmured distractedly.

It was strange, how you felt as if you were doing something you weren’t supposed to. As if you were secretly rummaging around in his desk while your heart was thrumming wildly at the thought of him walking in and catching you red-handed, feeling the disappointment that would meet you in his gaze, rendering you a little child again who had more familiarity with these belongings than she did her father.

“If you’re not sorry about that, you could be sorry about the fact that people seem to think I’m courting you now.”

You debated ignoring his statement, glancing at him only briefly as you arranged the papers in your hand.

Humming, it seemed your urge to cover up your nerves had shown up in snappy retorts aimed towards Jaehyun, strangely unfiltered with him even though you figured you should’ve been.

“Of course, because a man like you should be able to show up to a ball simply for the music and drink.”

Clenching and unclenching your fists, you went about the process as calmly as you could, Jaehyun’s watchful, curious eyes unnerving you even as you made the seal.

“Are you alright?” he spoke suddenly, earning a sharp inhale and a glare from you in return, your grip tightening around the seal. Whether it was because the question felt out of place, or whether it was the fact that he had caught on to your discomfort, you would rather not admit.

You shut your father’s desk drawer with a quiet click, habitual movements from many instances of sneaking in here as a child for writing materials.

“What does it matter to you?”

“No, just… does my presence here make you uncomfortable?” his eyebrows furrowed, what seemed like genuine curiosity taking over his features once again.

Trust you to be defensive, though.

A scoff left you, the thud of the beaten book that you used to keep track of your family’s accounts dropping against your father’s desk echoing through the room as if that were your form of exerting your dominance over the room and everything it represented.

“Has the thought only crossed your mind now? Besides, don’t flatter yourself,” you scoffed, “your presence doesn't have that much of an effect on me.”

That would’ve done it , you figured. You could imagine the way his lips would curl into a sarcastic smile, or how he would simply scoff and announce that it was about time for him to leave. Anything but what followed next.

“Maybe not mine, but your father’s seems to.”

Somehow, you almost wished your sister was here to defuse the tension in the room, or to crack a joke to save you from having to face such an observation. But she wasn’t, and the truth of the matter was that you were sitting here facing a stranger who seemed confident that they could read you like an open book.

And maybe, his confidence wasn’t completely unfounded.

A silence fell between the both of you, tense and ridden with an understanding both of you were aware of but neither were willing to put down their pride first to admit.

You scoffed, waving him off in dismissal as naturally as you could, “You’ve never seen us interact.”

“I don’t have to,” he huffed, speaking matter-of-factly, “you’ve been… tense ever since I suggested having our meeting in his office.”

“I just don’t like being in stuffy offices,” you shrugged again, pretending to be busy with your notebook.

Jaehyun rolled his eyes, confidence in his stare as he leaned back in his seat, crossing his legs, “ Or the person the stuffy office belongs to.”

Your sharp gaze met his almost instantly, letting out a small huff of air through your nose. You were at a loss of a witty retort, though somehow that didn’t feel as damning as you thought it would; the viscount didn’t seem to be attacking today in the same way he was before at the ball.

“It’s not a crime, you know,” he murmured, cutting you some slack from the way he averted his gaze to fiddle with his sleeve, “you’re not expected to be amiable with him all the time. At least not in my book.”

You attempted to swallow in the hopes that it would make the lump in your throat feel less suffocating, to no avail.

“Amiable,” you echoed, huffing at his choice of words. Even on good days, you don’t think you could use a word like that to describe your interactions with your father.

Jaehyun searched your expression, reading into your silence, shaking his head dismissively, “Sorry if I overstepped, I don’t usually have the habit of voicing out my observations so… carelessly.”

You didn’t believe him, strangely. Everything about what had just transpired between the both of you seemed anything but careless. Instead, it came with all the intentionality of trying to understand someone. Somehow, that knowledge made you less inclined to hold back in front of him.

When you finally felt like your voice wouldn’t give, you spoke, “Are you speaking from experience?”

His eyebrows raised in question, “My father?”

You nodded, earning a huff from him. Now it was your turn to watch him shift in his discomfort, averting his gaze and swallowing thickly. “Never really had much of a relationship with him or my mother… I uh… I lived with my aunt and uncle since I was a child.”

“Did you have much of a relationship with them, then?”

Jaehyun shrugged.

“Not as much as I did with my tutors,” he huffed, perhaps in some attempt to lighten the mood, “they were the ones I spent most of my time with.”

You hummed, hands stilling around the papers you had yet to hand over to him.

At your lack of an immediate response, he looked up, continuing, “It’s nothing to pity me for. They raised me as best as they could.”

“I don’t pity you,” you spoke.

Sure, it wasn’t exactly pity that you felt, but you weren’t sure what exactly the feeling that stirred in your chest even was. Perhaps it was a desire to be as grateful for your parents as he was? Perhaps it was an understanding of the little insistence that he didn’t want to be pitied. Perhaps it was the breathlessness that came with the way he was looking at you now, expectant for your reply.

Whatever it was, you found yourself recalling your conversation with your sister, feeling almost embarrassed at how even now, you still thought he was capable of turning things to gold.

“You don’t?” he questioned, his tone uncharacteristically gentle, unlike anything you’ve heard before.

“Do you want me to?” you weren’t sure why you were asking, simply curious how he would reply.

Jaehyun let out a huff through his nose, shaking his head. He wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to elicit from you. Although it was definitely something , he could say certainly that pity definitely wasn’t what it was.

“No, I don’t.”

You held his gaze, nodding. “Good, I don’t want you to pity me either.”

Before he could reply, you straightened up, handing the documents back to him with your father’s seal already in its rightful place. Taking in a deep breath, he stood up, taking you back almost immediately to what it felt like to dance with him at the ball, your proximity to him now allowing you to feel him towering over you, though strangely without the condescension that was present before.

“A lady like you shouldn’t care for my pity,” he murmured, the faintest of smiles playing at his lips.

And just like that, it was as if the exchange never happened, as if you both didn’t just bare a part of your souls to each other. Jaehyun straightened out his clothes, averting his gaze to the floor as you both allowed the façade of banter to mask the windedness that came from suddenly feeling all-too exposed.

“You won’t need to tell me twice.”

===

“You wouldn’t believe what I heard at the flower market,” your sister barged into your room as you were getting ready to attend a soiree that evening.

Your eyebrows raised, smoothing down your dress before sitting on your bed, giving her an expectant look.

“It appears Lord Jung is an anti-social man,” she began, “a few of the ladies at the flower market were talking about him, they said he’s rarely seen with people other than those he does business with. I interpreted that as the man having no friends, but that’s quite sad, isn’t it?”

You shrugged, “I figure something like that is subjective.”

Your sister didn’t seem convinced, “I think it’s lonely. Not having anyone to talk to about your life, about your struggles, about your joys… only being able to talk about your business wherever you go. I find that an awfully lonely way to live.”

Huffing, you got up from your bed, “He doesn’t seem keen on finding a marriage partner either so perhaps he’s more comfortable in this loneliness than you think.”

“I don’t believe it,” she grunted, “but it does make some sense. Maybe that’s why his manners aren’t the best, because he’s used to talking to cunning old businessmen.”

You let out a huff of laughter, “You sound like you’re defending him.”

Giving you a shrug, she hummed, “Maybe if you see him at the soirée later you can find out for yourself if he’s worth defending,” she smiled.

You could only sigh at that, glancing out the door when you heard your mother calling for you.

“That is, if Mr Nakamoto doesn’t talk my ears off before that.”

One thing about soirées, or these public events during the season in general, was that they didn’t allow for much privacy at all. It wasn’t like you were in the confines of your father’s study with the viscount’s full attention on you, no. You were in someone else’s house, with many many different eyes on you, at the receiving end of everybody’s attention except the very person who wouldn’t seem to leave your mind.

It was as if you were being shadowed by Yuta, your mother looking on with delight as your chaperone while the both of you conversed and you nursed your glass of whatever drink he’d handed to you. In such a setting, you couldn’t help but be hyper-aware of your posture, your manners, your tone of voice, the way you held your fan, even the way you would time your glances towards Yuta. All part of your tedious game, you supposed— to win the affections of a man you felt no real desire towards.

What did you desire, then? You wondered. His attention? His approval? You continued with the knowledge that even if you didn’t desire him, you wanted to feel worthy of his desire. It was messy, and it felt manipulative. But you figured those were things you’d signed up for the moment you started playing this game (however unwillingly).

You could see Jaehyun standing at the corner of the room next to the grand piano, looking intently at the multitude of sheet music next to the piano. The sight was almost amusing when you recalled your sister’s words, because indeed as you looked at him now, the sheer intent of his glare on the sheet music would be enough to intimidate anyone from initiating a conversation with him.

“Do you know how to play?” Yuta’s words had caught your attention, and you’d almost grimaced at the realisation that you’d been walking towards the piano. Stopping just a few paces away from the piano, you cast a brief glance at Jaehyun who was still glaring at the sheet music in his hands.

“No, no. I don’t, actually.”

Yuta smiled, “I would offer to play something for you, but it seems viscount Jung has beat me to it,” he murmured as you heard the melody start to sound from the piano. You knew this piece, it was the one your sister was playing when Jaehyun had visited your house the other day.

For some reason, the piece held much more melancholy than you realised, or maybe it was the way he was playing it, holding you (and all the other women in the room, you guessed) captive, unable to look elsewhere.

You weren’t even paying attention to what you were talking to Yuta about, feeling the words come out of your mouth but paying no attention to what you were actually saying. Little did you know that as focused as Jaehyun seemed on his playing, every word of yours was flitting into his mind and refusing to leave.

“I was always envious of people who could play the piano,” you sighed almost wistfully, earning a hum from Yuta.

“Were you not tutored for it?”

You shook your head, “It wasn’t something I was interested in when I was younger, but I suppose as I grew older, the music started to feel comforting to an extent. Only I was simply a listener, not the one who conveyed such comfort,” you huffed, attempting to make light of your feelings.

Yuta, as always, replied with his flowery lines, not being able to pick up on how you were really feeling and taking your words at surface level with a smile.

“Well, you certainly are an excellent conversationalist, so I would still consider myself accomplished if I were you.”

You hummed, brushing off your discomfort and mustering a smile, “Thank you.”

Jaehyun had to withhold his amusement, wondering again why it was that you were so willing to withdraw to men like Yuta, men who were all-too-familiar with manipulating their words to their advantage. If you’d simply bit back with half the amount of snark that you generously gave him, he was sure Yuta would be at a loss for words.

How frustrating. Surely, you could tell that Yuta was not a good match for you, couldn’t you?

Coming to the end of his piano piece, Jaehyun stood up, simply picking up his glass of wine that he had set on top of the piano, acting as if he wasn’t the one at the receiving end of the room’s applause.

Perhaps it was a stroke of divine timing, but one of the servants had approached Yuta, murmuring into his ear something you couldn’t quite catch. Yuta straightened up in response, casting an apologetic glance your way.

“Forgive me, I need to excuse myself for a moment,” he muttered, rushing off to somewhere you couldn’t truly be bothered to wonder about.

Jaehyun did not waste the opportunity presented to him, taking just the tiniest of steps closer to you and murmuring behind his glass, “Evening… are you alright?”

He noticed the way your shoulders were tense, your fidgety gaze around the room, the way you’d kept bringing your glass to your lips but the level of liquid in your glass was barely going down.

“Please, spare me. I am in no mood for needless bickering tonight,” you huffed, bringing your glass to your lips again to take a small sip.

Truthfully enough, the ache was back again as you stood in the room filled with chatter and music. The ache of longing for the ability to rid yourself of the façade of the perfect marriage partner that was growing more tiring to uphold. The ache that grew stronger when you conversed with Yuta, feeling as though if you were to enter a marriage with this man, the ache would only intensify. It was dangerous to entertain him in a place like this, because Jaehyun’s presence always seemed to draw you out of this façade.

“Bickering?” he scoffed, a faint smirk appearing on his lips.

“Was that not what you approached me for?” you turned to him with a frown, “I suppose the soirée was getting boring for you if you felt the need to take such a drastic measure as to approach me of all people.”

There you were , he mused.

Jaehyun shifted another step closer to you, something about his proximity making the conversation between the both of you more obvious, and you could tell from the way your mother was looking at you that it was indeed obvious that you had his attention.

“Oh, not at all. I was hoping I could be reminded what an excellent conversationalist you were,” he drawled, clearly proud of himself judging from the smile playing on his lips.

You rolled your eyes. “And you suppose you’re any better?”

“Of course, I am. Anyway, you didn’t answer my question.”

“You asked me a question? Must not have been worth remembering,” you sighed.

As much as you felt he annoyed you, you had to admit that it was somewhat relieving not having to be on your ‘best behaviour’ around him. You were sure any chance of marriage would be tossed out of the window if you were to speak in such a manner to Yuta (or any other suitor).

Jaehyun’s expression grew more serious, eyebrows lifting slightly in concern, “I asked if you were alright.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, suddenly feeling as exposed as you did that day in the study. It was strange how easily he managed to read into your feelings. You figured you’d been doing a good job at masking it.

“What does it matter? It’s not like you to be so concerned,” you huffed.

“So, you’re not alright?” he prompted, earning a shrug from you, looking into your glass as though it held the answer you were both looking for.

“It doesn’t matter if I’m feeling alright or not, the soirée is not going to end anytime soon,” you danced around his question, hoping the mention of the soirée would redirect his line of questioning.

He noticed the Rubies that were draped around your neck, something about it feeling off. He much preferred the look of the Amethysts you were wearing before, the first time he’d met you.

“New necklace?” he quirked an eyebrow at you, earning a grunt in response.

“A gift,” you muttered, “from Mr Nakamoto.”

“I see. You still haven’t answered my question,” his tone remained firm, eyebrows furrowed and gaze intent on you.

You clenched and unclenched your fist, turning to him with your eyebrows furrowed, throat feeling dry as you tried to wrangle your voice awake when you met his gaze, uncomfortable at the way his attentiveness tempted you to pour out your feelings to him.

“Is this really the reason you approached me? Look, I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. What does it matter? ”

Jaehyun was undeterred, meeting you with the same amount of stubbornness and challenge, “It matters because you’re… different. You behaved… differently when you were talking to Mr Nakamoto.”

“Compared to what? When I’m talking to you?” the words left you quicker than you could process them.

“Do you not think so?” he retorted just as quickly, tilting his head at you with the confidence that came from knowing the answer without you having to verbalise it.

You let out a breath you didn’t realise you were holding.

“Well… there’s no reason for me to act as though I’m trying to impress you.”

Jaehyun simply huffed in amusement, tilting his glass slightly as he contemplated uttering the thought that came to mind, going for it anyway.

“Somehow, that impresses me enough.”

Unsure what to make of his words, you shifted your gaze elsewhere, adjusting your grip on your glass because your palms had started to feel clammy. You remembered wondering what it would’ve been like at the receiving end of his attention, and now that you had it you were finding that even his words seemed capable of sprinkling gold dust on your heart.

“I didn’t know you could play the piano,” you changed the subject, your body starting to feel warm under your clothes, burning under the intensity of his gaze, wondering if this was how the sheet music must have felt under his gaze.

“I picked it up when I was younger. Out of all the instruments I've touched, I would say the piano is the one I tend to return to more.”

“It’s your favourite?”

He shook his head.

“What is your favourite, then?” You found yourself asking, genuinely curious this time instead of just a small-talk formality that you usually followed at such events.

You wouldn’t have known it, but Jaehyun was feeling the same unfamiliarity as you, feeling as though his body was moving before he could process it. He wasn’t used to holding a conversation like this with someone he barely knew, especially when it wasn’t about business or architecture. And for some reason, he couldn’t find it in himself to care about the stares he was receiving as a result of such conversation.

“The violin,” he admitted almost sheepishly, as if he was embarrassed that he could play an instrument you could only dream of playing.

Your eyebrows lifted in surprise, gaze wandering to the violin that was perched nearby the piano, after being played by one of the guests when you’d first arrived.

“Why is it your favourite?”

He hummed, and by now you’d forgotten that Yuta had even promised to return, something in you not being able to find it in yourself to pretend that you were annoyed at Jaehyun’s attention, you truthfully weren’t. For someone as ‘antisocial’ as he was deemed, you found it was comfortable feeling like you didn’t have to present ‘textbook perfect wife’ answers for him. If only your sister could see you now.

“It was the first instrument I learned as a child… but I moved on to different instruments when I was older because my aunt insisted on me learning other instruments. You know, the more skills, the better. Somehow it’s…” he huffed, amused at his own willingness to share with you, the only person aside from his best friend Johnny that wasn’t keeling over begging to polish the ground he walks on.

It was refreshing, he was realising, to not be treated like he was perfect.

“It makes me very nostalgic. For that time in my life when there were no worries, you know? When all I had on my mind was the next piece I was eager to ask my tutor to teach me, waiting each day for her to retrieve the sheet music so I could play it until I knew it by heart.”

Jaehyun continued, “It’s strange, sometimes when I find myself picking up the violin again, it’s like the music just flows out naturally… and I realise I really did know it by heart.”

You hummed, nodding.

“Like muscle memory,” you offered, earning a soft smile from him unlike anything you’ve seen before. This one made you feel as though you were catching glimpses of Jaehyun as a child, the little boy whose only worry was for the day the calluses on his fingers would start to disappear.

“Can you play something now?” you weren’t sure what compelled you to ask, but the answer you were met with had surprised you even more.

“Oh, no no. It’s not… like that,” he huffed, still a hint of sheepishness in the smile that lingered on his features, “I don’t play it that often… rarely. Only when I'm really stressed, if there's too much on my mind.”

Nodding, you took a fuller sip of your drink, slightly more liberated now that your stomach wasn’t churning like how it was before.

“Your aunt must’ve really invested a lot of her fortune in your tuition, considering you were tutored for multiple instruments,” you hummed, earning a grunt from him.

“I suppose she had to, they received too much from my parents each month to not do anything with it,” he sighed, leaning against the bookshelf behind him, turning his head to look at you with tired eyes, “I still remember the way I would look forward to the letters they would send every now and then just to praise me for whatever competition I had won, or whatever certificate I'd achieved.”

“Do you think it was worth it? All the effort you put in?” you murmured, curious to how he would answer even though you knew you’d be at a loss if the same question was asked to you. Somehow, you felt like his answer would tell you more about him than small talk at balls or promenades would.

Jaehyun hummed thoughtfully, lips pursing slightly, “That was what love felt like to me back then, the love I felt for music and… their letters, so… do I think it was worth it?” he shrugged, a smile that bordered on bitterness had graced his features, “Do you?”

Perhaps it was the way you felt like you couldn’t hide under his gaze, or maybe it was the way you felt like he wouldn’t hold your grievances against you. Whatever it was, you found yourself wanting to share with him. And strangely enough, the idea of it had started to scare you less as time went by.

“My parents were like that too. You know, as the oldest daughter… no news was good news. My duty was to… to not cause worry, to be strong for the family, to take care of my sister, to perform well in all that I did for the family’s sake. For me, it was… like an instruction manual,” you huffed, finding yourself looking to him for affirmation that he understood what you meant, and the knowing smile and nod you received in return made your heart jump in your chest.

“Do all of this well and you’ll receive your parents’ love. Don’t do it and…” you trailed off, earning a hum from him.

“Tire yourself out trying and trying again,” he murmured, earning a deep sigh from you.

Did you think it was worth it? You weren’t sure, but you still found yourself trying nonetheless.

Jaehyun had succeeded in unlocking a part of you you’d never spoken to anyone about before, and like you said, something about it felt liberating, the solution to your ache starting to feel a little more within reach even if you still weren’t sure what it was.

“One of my friends, Johnny, has a pretty strong view about this… he says that people are fickle… that we can change based on the slightest of factors…”

“Your friend sounds a little bitter.”

The viscount laughed, “Quite the contrary, actually, I think he’s quite the romantic… just overly managing his expectations.”

“Is that so? What made him have such views, then?”

The viscount hummed, pressing his lips in a firm line before parting them to speak, “Money, I suppose. How people react to money, how he’s seen it change the way people treat a person. Sometimes, it’s difficult to tell whether a person is enamoured with you or the security your wealth provides. Though, with the way things are, it leaves a woman with no choice but to seek out security first, love being secondary to everything else.”

You hummed, nodding slowly as you processed his words.

“Sorry, I interrupted. You were saying?”

Jaehyun wasn’t sure why that made him smile, choosing to dismiss it and continue anyway, “anyway, his view is that when we’re constantly trying and trying to follow these instruction manuals on ‘How to earn love’... at the end of the day they can hold it over our heads and decide that there are more instructions, more requirements we haven’t met yet… he thinks it isn’t possible.”

You frowned, “What? To find love?”

Jaehyun nodded, “Genuine love, I suppose. I guess I understand what he means. Even though more people have been talking about a love match these days, it feels out of reach somehow. People still end up looking at you like a list of instructions, a list of qualifications, weighing who has a list that is easier to meet and going with that.”

“Do you think yours is difficult to meet?” you found yourself asking, earning a blank look from the viscount.

“That’s the thing,” he huffed, “People like us… who try and try and are tired of trying… we wish we didn’t have one.”

Somehow, you felt a certain conviction in your heart, shaking your head at him.

“Maybe we don’t, and we just haven’t realised that yet.”

===

You hadn’t seen Jaehyun at the next ball, or the next, and he didn’t return to your house for meetings with your father. You figured he was busy, so you tried not to wait. Though the ache persisted, coming and going like waves. With how often you felt it, you assumed you would have grown familiar with it. But in cases like these, the familiarity was unsettling, as if your body was crying out for help that you weren’t able to provide.

Yuta kept you relatively occupied, sending you flowers regularly, light and bright coloured blooms attached to meanings of affection and purity and fondness, accompanied with letters containing equally flowery words. Though it didn’t keep you occupied enough.

Time seemed to pass without much of your awareness, the only thing you were aware of being the way the flowers Yuta sent would slowly wither and your sister would replace them with the new bouquets he sent over. You were growing frustrated at Yuta’s perfection, because that demanded perfection from you as well. You would be lying if you said you didn’t miss the liberation that came with your conversations with the viscount. Those were different, demanding honesty instead of perfection, and perhaps, perfection was found in that honesty.

“I think we can start thinking about discussing marriage with Mr Nakamoto,” your mother turned to murmur as you were having tea with Yuta in the drawing room, the man busy talking to your father about whatever literary piece they found they both enjoyed.

“Marriage?” you weren’t sure why the prospect seemed so daunting now that your mother had mentioned it, something about her words making you realise that her plans were solidifying and you couldn’t simply continue to play ‘tea party’ with Yuta much longer.

Your attention was diverted when your sister had entered with a stack of letters in her hand (presumably taken from the staff), her excited gaze meeting yours as she waved a single letter in your direction.

“Are those my letters?” your mother asked, earning a grunt from your sister.

“They’re father’s letters,” she informed tersely, making her way over to you and dropping a single letter into your lap, shoving the rest towards your mother in an attempt to distract her.

The dismayed expression on your mother showed it was somewhat successful, “You know, you really have to fix your manners when it’s your turn to debut,” she began, seeming ready to launch into a tirade of nit-picking towards your sister but you knew nothing could very well escape her watchful eyes when it came to you, eyeing the letter in your hands curiously.

“What’s that?”

“Sister’s letter.”

Your mother’s hand reached out quickly, grasping the letter in your hand and peering over your shoulder to look at it, seeing no indication of a sender other than an elaborate letter ‘J’ imprinted on the seal.

“J? Do we know anyone with that initial?”

Your thoughts ran first to Jaehyun, and the look you exchanged with your sister only proved your suspicions correct, though she was quick to cover for you.

“Johnson, remember? Betty Johnson? Sister’s old friend that moved overseas,” it almost surprised you how smoothly she lied through her teeth when she was never a good liar. You never had a friend with the surname Johnson.

“Yeah, you wouldn’t have remembered her. I used to play with her and sister outside the church grounds when we were younger,” you added, pleased with how your mother had bought your lie, shrugging as she turned her attention back to her cup of tea.

“If you’re going to start exchanging letters, don’t expect the money to come from your father and I. We’re already putting more than we can into your dowry,” she muttered, earning a sigh from you as Yuta and your father returned from his study.

“Shall we promenade?” he offered, and you glanced at your sister before looking back at him, rolled your shoulders back and gave him your sweetest smile.

Your sister leaned over, pretending to fix your hair so she could lean in to murmur softly, “I’ll put the letter in your notebook.”

And so you left to promenade with Yuta.

“Lovely weather, isn’t it?” he smiled, squinting his eyes as he looked up at the sky, with you holding your parasol above your head, simply giving him a small hum.

“Have any other suitors declared their pursuit of you?” Yuta spoke abruptly, earning a frown from you.

Shaking your head, you couldn’t find it in yourself to speak, something about your anxiousness swallowing your words. You could almost hear your mother’s voice in your head now, telling you once again to ‘ use your words ’.

“No, they haven’t,” you managed to force out, earning a solemn nod from Yuta.

“Really? Not even viscount Jung?”

Your frown deepened, “What makes you say that?”

“Nothing in particular… just figured he was the only other person that could have caught your attention this season.”

You huffed, even Yuta thought of Jaehyun highly. You, on the other hand, couldn’t seem to get the image of the little boy playing the violin out of your mind when you thought of him, something about it was endearing.

“I hope you don’t mind me asking this, but… do you know the viscount personally by any chance?”

Somehow your words seemed to have struck a chord with Yuta, his expression turning stoic and his gaze shifting elsewhere. He shook his head, “No, I don’t.”

“Are you sure? He seemed to find you familiar at the ball—”

“He must be mistaking me for someone else,” Yuta turned to you with a smile, though the firmness of his tone contrasted the gentleness of his smile. It was enough to deter you from asking any further. With Yuta, you needed to be careful, knowing something as simple as behaving in an ill-mannered way would be enough to make your family’s plans for security and stability fall through. It wasn’t as simple as it seemed with Jaehyun, who was always game for whatever you threw his way.

The mood had turned sour afterwards, the both of you remaining in relative silence (well, other than Yuta’s occasional utterances of praise for your parents) until you were both back at your house, the servant who chaperoned behind the both of you helping to take the parasol from your hands as Yuta got ready to bid you goodbye.

After he left, it was like your body moved faster than you could process. It was embarrassing , the way you felt like an excited child running up to your room and grabbing the book sitting on your desk, flipping it open and letting Jaehyun’s letter drop out onto your bed.

Tearing the little envelope open with your finger, you unfolded the letter, catching a whiff of something so unmistakably like Jaehyun that it almost felt like he was in the same room.

‘Ms Y/N Y/L/N,

My apologies for disappearing without a word. I needed to leave urgently because of my friend, the one we talked about the other day. His father passed and I’m aiding him with the handover of his father’s business and some of the family property to him, since I was previously closely working with his father for their family’s winery. Perhaps I should be more apologetic for the fact that now social events are sure to be dreadful for you without my presence.’

You scoffed, you could almost picture the smirk on his face as he wrote that.

‘I am unsure when I am to return, but I am sure it will be before the season ends. I suppose now that my friend’s father has passed, he is to be looking for a wife as well, though I doubt it would be easy to convince him to come back with me. With his status now as a Marquess, I suppose many would be eager to coerce him into marrying their daughters if he were to arrive in town. Something he seems very opposed to.

Again, I hope I have not needlessly worried you with my sudden absence. Though, I suppose my absence would be something that gains rejoicing from you rather than disappointment. Nonetheless, things are rather hectic here. I hoped that in writing to you I could gain some form of entertainment hearing about the progress in the marriage mart that I am unfortunately missing out on. You can write to me, but it will be addressed to my friend’s estate as I am staying here until I leave. I look forward to hearing from you. Do keep safe and in good health.

-J’

“I’d keep that locked up, if I were you,” you jumped at the sound of your sister’s voice behind you, a mischievous smile on her face as she shut the door behind her, crawling onto your bed and making herself comfortable there.

“So is it official? That he’s courting you seriously?” she asked, and you could see the way her smile fell as you pursed your lips, shaking your head at her.

Now that you heard her words for yourself, it made you wonder. You expected Jaehyun to be someone meticulous, someone careful, someone who knew exactly what the implications of sending a lady a letter was in this day and age. It made you wonder about the intimacy hidden behind his otherwise mundane updates, and for some reason, it made you long for more.

“I’m going to write back,” you spoke, more for yourself than for her.

Her smile grew, “This is a dangerous game you’re playing, sister. I suppose you found he’s worth defending after all?”

You hummed absently, already pulling out your writing materials to begin writing your response to him.

“Not quite yet, but something tells me this will be worth it.”

‘Dear J,

My condolences for your friend’s father, I can only imagine how overwhelming it is to have all sorts of responsibility thrown at you before you can even process your own grief. Truthfully, I hadn’t noticed your absence’ (you were lying, obviously)

‘Perhaps because things have been hectic here as well. Each day seems to be filled with entertaining Mr Nakamoto and going for promenades. I’m quite tired of all the walking, to be very honest.

The mention of your friend made me think of what you said that day at the soirée, about finding genuine love in a world where marriage is an economic proposition. I find myself searching sometimes, even though I know my efforts are probably in vain. I know the reason I have been entertaining Mr Nakamoto is not because I’m attracted to him. It is like what you said, I find myself seeing him more as his list of instructions, and what that demands of mine. Then, I find myself drawn back to my duty as the first daughter of my family, drawn back to the need to secure some sort of relief or security for my family. By then, there is no thought of finding love in a marriage partner, only the transaction of it all. Still, there is a part of me that wonders how different the whole process would be if I truly loved my partner, how much less it would feel like a game and more like life.

I am only asking because I have not seen you dance with anyone at the events so far. I suppose you are either picky or disinterested. But just out of curiosity, do you think it’s possible? For you, I mean, to find genuine love this season?

I hope this proves as entertaining as you wished for it to be, I won’t apologise even if it ends up disappointing you.

From, me’

===

‘Ms Y/N Y/L/N,

Thank you for your concern. My friend is doing much better now, and I hope this means the chances of him returning with me have increased. I would like for you to meet him, something tells me he would get along well with your sister, they both seem to have a penchant for the arts.

To answer your question, I believe it is possible. Whether it is wise of me to think so, or whether it is wishful thinking… that remains undecided. But I cannot be sure. Personally, I have not come across such love where you are seen for all that you are and still loved, but I would like to believe it exists. Whether I am able to find it this season or not, believing it exists makes it feel more like life, like you said.

With that being said, I do wish the same for you, as much as you may not believe me. More than just promenades, answers from manuals, accomplishments and duties, but life. Sure, duties are important, family is important. But in my honest opinion, I don’t think fulfilling your duties should mean sacrificing your happiness, especially when it isn’t very well your duty at all, but that of others projected onto you. Perhaps I would get stoned by your mother if I said so, but I mean it.

I have to be going now, but I can guarantee that I will be back soon. Perhaps in less than a month’s time you will find yourself bickering with me at the corner of a rich woman’s house again. Do keep safe and in good health.

-J’

You should’ve trusted the nauseous feeling in your gut when you saw Yuta arrive at your house that morning, having arranged a private meeting with your parents and leaving promptly after. There could have only been one reason behind it, and it worried you. Again, the ache intensified, feeling as though it would only solidify if your suspicions were proved correct.

It was during teatime when your mother finally addressed the elephant in the room.

“Your father and I are keen on you proceeding with Mr Nakamoto,” she spoke plainly, your hand halting around the handle of your teacup.

“Huh?” as pathetic as it was, was all you could muster.

“Weighing your potential suitors, Mr Nakamoto brings the most stability. He has property, he is of a suitable age, he has wealth, he is personable. He seems prudent,” she lifted her gaze from her teacup to glance at you, just the slightest of frowns as she met your wide-eyed expression.

You knew this, yet you weren’t sure why it shocked you to hear it verbalised so forwardly.

“I’m sure you have no complaints,” it came more as a warning instead of an assumption, enough to make your throat feel dry and your voice start to retreat, “you can expect him to propose soon, so I expect you to be on your best behaviour. The family’s reputation depends on your response.”

You thought back to Jaehyun’s words. If you were to reject Yuta’s proposal, would that make you wise or foolish? You knew what was riding on this decision. If you were to reject him, you would retain a little bit of your freedom, but you would damage your reputation. It wasn’t exactly ideal to be regarded as a jilt, much less to a man like Mr Nakamoto, who had many women in your town lining up for him. Weighing your other potential suitors, you weren’t sure if being married to a man older than your father was a better option.

Almost unconsciously, your thoughts wandered to Jaehyun, the feelings you associated with him— or more accurately, how different these feelings were from the ones you associated with Yuta.

It was starting to make you anxious, you realised that as you exchanged letters with him for a while now, he had grown on you more than you realised. The way you felt at the receiving end of his attentiveness. The way he seemed to read into your signals and cues and meet you where you were without expecting you to be perfect. The way he made you hopeful that you could find love… and perhaps wishful that you could find it in him.

You were anxious, because when you thought of Jaehyun, what was coming to mind wasn’t his credentials, his wealth, his family, or his status. But rather, it was him , the blunt yet gentle, aloof yet attentive, hardened yet tender-hearted person that he was.

You were anxious, because even as you were being told about your perfect prospect of marriage, you found that you only ached for him ; the man who was maybe a stranger to your textbook gentleman, but not a stranger to you.

You took in a deep breath, setting your teacup down with shaky hands, standing up and letting out the breath you were holding.

Use your words.

“I’m not feeling too well,” you murmured softly enough that you knew your voice wouldn’t give way, “please, excuse me.”

You struggled up the stairs, finding it difficult to focus on anything other than the way your heart was pounding and your head was starting to spin. Eventually, you found yourself at your desk, writing materials ready and already finding yourself addressing the only person you could think of at this moment.

‘Dear J,

My parents have been talking to me about pursuing a marriage with Mr Nakamoto, and in the position that I am, I am inclined to accept.’

===

This time, you didn’t receive a reply from Jaehyun. Previous times, you could always be sure that his reply would not take longer than a week. But this time was different, as the flowers Yuta continued to send withered and were replaced, there was no news of any mail for you. Even your sister was starting to grow concerned at the way things were going, starting to display Yuta’s flowers in places you wouldn’t pass as often when you were going about your daily routine. But you noticed, the flowers Yuta gave you were always light, bright colours in delicate blooms; nothing like the bigger blooms your sister tended to get.

The waiting was the worst this time, and you knew why. It was different this time, knowing you were anticipating his reply for different reasons. You couldn’t hide behind boredom, or curiosity as to how he would respond to your questions and words. This time your anticipation lay in hope, in your ache, and that was the worst kind of anticipation for you. Girls like you couldn’t hope, you had far too many responsibilities. You needed to be pragmatic, realistic, practical. There was no room for hope in your heart, yet you found that it was all you were doing these days.

Hoping that wherever he was, he was safe. Hoping that wherever he was, there wasn’t a perfect girl who was discovering if his touch could turn her worries into gold. Hoping that wherever he was, he was thinking of you.

You hoped it wasn’t too late.

The longer you waited, the more foolish you felt. Pouring your heart out to him in your letters like that when there was no real guarantee that he would feel the same way, when there was no real guarantee that he would take Yuta’s place.

As conversations about responsibilities, about being a good wife to Yuta had started to intensify, you gave yourself no choice but to bottle up the anxiety you felt, directing it inwards till you felt it start to take a toll on your mind.

There was a knock at your door before the door opened with a soft click, seeing your sister walk in carrying a vase containing new flowers, white lilies that filled your room with a scent that comforted you just slightly in your fatigue.

Setting the vase down carefully, your sister turned, stopping in her tracks when she realised you were awake, the slightest of frowns on her features, “Sorry, I hope I didn’t wake you.”

You shook your head, a sigh leaving you as you stretched your arms over your head, “I was already awake a long time ago, don’t worry.”

Padding over to your bed to take a seat next to your legs, her body angled towards you and her hand smoothing over the blanket that covered you, her gaze scanned your appearance.

“Still nothing?” You asked, earning a small sigh from her.

“Nothing,” she shook her head. Pausing, she shook her head, “maybe the letters just got lost in the mail?”

You let out a sigh through your nose, shifting your gaze to the Lilies perched next to your window, the light seeping through the glass making you almost dread the day that was to come. Another day spent waiting.

“I would like to believe that, but I've sent far too many letters to him to believe that,” you murmured, “perhaps it was foolish of me, you know?”

Her frown deepened, “What was?”

“Thinking that I could actually find a love match. Thinking that I could develop an affection for the viscount and remain unscathed,” you huffed, bitterness laced in your words that left an unpleasant aftertaste in your mouth.

Your sister hummed, “Do you think it is the affection you feel for him that is what is hurting you? Or the absence of this affection for Mr Nakamoto?”

There it was again, the wave that washed over you and forced you into sobriety, the ache for the rest that went beyond physical things that you were starting to give up trying to satisfy. You supposed when push comes to shove, you would find something to love in Yuta, you would simply have to.

“It’s been more than a month, sister. I cannot… I cannot afford to wait for him much longer. I cannot afford to keep avoiding Mr Nakamoto.”

She sighed, “I know. Father has been meeting him to discuss your marriage arrangement for a while now.”

Somehow, that was enough to solidify your decision for you, as reluctant as you were. Saying yes to Yuta’s proposal… perhaps it would be a wise decision in your trying and trying to earn the affections of your father. It would be wise for you to do what is pleasing to your family. It would be wise for you to be obedient, to continue to be dependable for them.

You heard the click of the lock, the door opening to reveal your mother, “Mr Nakamoto is here, dear. He has requested a private audience with you.”

Exchanging a knowing look with your sister, you nodded.

“Give me a moment to make myself presentable. I shall be down shortly,” you murmured, seeing your sister still wearing that same look of concern as you got out of bed, your mother leaving and shutting the door.

Getting ready, you stared yourself down in the mirror, glancing between yourself and the sight of your sister behind you on your bed, a now unreadable expression on her face.

“I’m not going to refuse when he asks,” you murmured, more for yourself than for her.

Perhaps she knew this, because the nod she gave you was all you needed to give you the little bit of conviction that you would go through with this, for your family’s sake.

===

Perfection was subjective, you knew this now. You knew it for a fact as you lay in bed, your head spinning and your heart feeling heavy, a week since Yuta had left town for business after your engagement.

The stress of it all was getting to you, the ache in your heart for rest, the ache to not have to be ‘on’ and be present to all the people and things that demanded your attention, the pressure you were putting on yourself to be the person your parents expected you to be, or maybe who you expected yourself to be, the ache to be able to depend on someone other than yourself.

You couldn’t even shake the fact that you were still wondering about Jaehyun, the last bit of desperation in you used to hope that he would return soon. It was amusing, considering that his return would probably be worse because you were already betrothed to another man. Somehow, you were still eager to write to him, asking your sister to help to pen down your messages because you were too weak to get out of bed. At least when you did this, you could say you still tried at the end of the day, because trying was what you were familiar with.

You could barely get yourself out of bed, wanting nothing more than to sleep away your days as you waited for Yuta to return, for him to seal your fate with your marriage. Each day, your sister would come in and attempt to get you to eat, but you couldn’t find it in you to have an appetite, simply eating a few bites to appease her before you were allowed to sleep the time away before your next meal.

Little did you know that your waiting for Yuta was in vain.

Jaehyun almost thought he was hallucinating when he heard the sound of a familiar laughter echoing a few tables away from him at the bar he was at with Johnny. “Do you recognise him?” Johnny asked, evident disdain in his tone and the pointedness of his glare, earning a confused look from Jaehyun.

“Who?”

“That man over there, the conman, Nakamoto Yuta? was his name if i recall correctly,” Johnny gestured with his head to the source of the laughter, Jaehyun’s eyes narrowing when he realised that the man sitting at that table was very much familiar, and very much Yuta.

“Conman?” Jaehyun murmured, a sinking feeling in his stomach as he observed the woman next to him, the Rubies she adorned on her neck identical to the ones he saw you wearing at the soirée.

Johnny nodded, using his finger to trace the mouth of his glass, “I recognise him from my time in Paris. You see the woman next to him? Remember how I told you Rubies were popular among the women there?” Johnny gestured to his neck, “It took me a while, but I realised it was only because that was his trademark. Like a branding for the women he was set on cheating for their money in exchange for his affection.”

Jaehyun frowned. Did that make you one of Yuta’s targets, then?

“Are you familiar with his methods?”

“Too familiar, I wish I wasn’t,” Johnny sighed, “He tried the same thing on my cousin. You know, all these young girls looking for the perfect husband. He paints himself out to be little less than a saint, and they eat it up. The prince charming that came to sweep them off their feet when in actual fact his occupation is never revealed, his life is a series of carefully constructed lies that differ depending on who he’s talking to… he strung my cousin along for ages, doing ‘business dealings’ with my uncle that landed him in debt that my father had to pay off.”

“And your cousin?”

Johnny knocked back the rest of the alcohol in his glass, “Heartbroken, obviously. Once he had his fill of her and her family’s money he left without a single warning.”

“Couldn’t you file a suit against him for that?” Jaehyun’s mind was racing with questions, with a growing worry for you, especially since the last letter he’d received from you was talking about your likely marriage to Yuta.

“And what about the women? Wouldn’t they have warned each other by now? Isn’t it obvious when everyone’s receiving the same thing—the Rubies and flowers and all—from him?” Jaehyun continued, earning a deep sigh from Johnny.

“That’s the thing. She was too in love with him by then, she insisted that we couldn’t go after him. Plus, by the time he was done with them, they didn’t have enough money to file a suit even if they wanted to.”

“I mean, who wouldn’t want to be the centre of attention of a doting, romantic, young , attractive young man?” Johnny let out a bitter laugh, “You of all people should know it’s all business. When someone like Yuta comes along, he brings the fantasy of a desirable love match with him. It was never about what they were receiving, but who they were receiving it from. The perfect prince charming he made himself out to be.”

Johnny glanced over at Yuta with a sigh before raising his hand to catch the server’s attention to order another drink.

At Jaehyun’s lack of a response, Johnny noticed his friend’s face paling, his gaze fixed on the table looking deep in thought, “What’s wrong? Are you feeling sick?”

“The girl,” Jaehyun rasped, clearing his throat and blinking his eyes harshly, “the one I sent the letter to…”

“Yeah? Didn’t you say she was getting engaged?” Johnny hummed, earning a grim nod from Jaehyun.

“It was supposed to be to him .”

Johnny’s lips parted, exchanging a knowing look with Jaehyun. He wasn’t daft, he knew Jaehyun’s affections for this girl ran deep, deeper than he let on.

“I… I need to go back,” he said finally, “I hope you can understand.”

At this, Johnny let out a laugh, an incredulous look on his face.

“Finally! I was wondering when you’d come to your senses.”

“Huh?” Jaehyun’s stare was blank, confusion written all over his face.

“ I’m not the one keeping you here… I think we both know that,” Johnny spoke slowly, nodding at Jaehyun, the latter who was already trying to form a mental estimate of how long it would take him to get to you.

“God, I feel so…”

“Foolish?” Johnny offered with a smile, earning a glare from Jaehyun.

“I can’t believe I was going to sit here and do nothing while she gets cheated by that man,” Jaehyun brought a hand up to wipe his face harshly.

Taking a sip of his drink, Johnny huffed, “Want me to hit him for you?”

Jaehyun scoffed, “Not if I get to him first.”

“I’ll tell them to prepare your carriage for tomorrow morning, you’ll be back in three days at most,” Johnny spoke calmly, amusement still lingering in his smile as he observed Jaehyun’s lost expression, the viscount seeming too blinded by the rage he felt towards Yuta to think clearly.

Johnny grunted, waving his hands in dismissal, “Don’t waste your time with him, go to your girl first.”

Jaehyun wasn’t sure what he was picturing when he imagined returning to you. He got your letters, every single one of them. He read every word to the point where he was sure he knew them by heart. Your letters told him about the town, about who had gotten engaged, gossip from the flower market, about the weather, the balls you attended. From the letters alone, he would have figured you were doing perfectly fine.

What he hadn’t expected was to have your sister answer the door and look at him as though he’d grown a second head.

“My parents aren’t here,” you informed before he could greet you, earning a huff from him.

“Sorry for uh… for paying such an unexpected visit, but… I was wondering if I could see your sister?”

Your sister thought to you, lying in bed grieving the loss of a future she dreamed of, wondering if the viscount’s presence here would put an end to that grief.

“She’s… sick.”

Jaehyun’s eyebrows furrowed, “Sick? With what?”

“Heartbreak, I suppose,” your sister replied tersely, giving him a pointed stare, unsure what to make of Jaehyun’s intentions.

Jaehyun’s eyebrows lifted, his thoughts immediately going to Yuta and feeling himself start to bubble with the same rage and concern that brought him here. Most of all, love.

“You can stay here, I’ll check if she’s willing to see you,” she spoke, still eyeing him cautiously as she led Jaehyun into the house, stopping him at the stairwell as she made her way to your room.

“Sister,” she knocked on the door, opening it and peeping her head in, whispering harshly with wild eyes, “The viscount is here!”

Your head snapped up from your pillow abruptly, only to fall back onto your pillow in immediate regret as it throbbed and pounded. Your headache was torturing you, but for Jaehyun, you supposed you were willing to brave through it.

“Okay. He can come up, but you have to stay in the room with us,” you said as firmly as you could.

Your sister hummed, turning to leave the room.

“Not unless he requests a private audience…” she murmured lowly, earning a glare from you (futile as it was, since she’d already left the room).

Jaehyun was more than impatient to see you, but the sight of you tucked under the covers of your bed, a cloth and small basin next to your bedside and the cold sweat on your face made his heart ache.

He wasn’t sure how to place himself as he entered the room, choosing to stand in front of the side of your bed you were facing, his lips curling ever so slightly in amusement when you had turned your body to face away from him.

“What happened to you?” his voice came out almost breathless, with traces of exasperation.

You didn’t want to open your eyes and look at him, you didn’t think your resolve would last if you could see the look of concern and frustration on his face he held now.

“Nothing,” you murmured. So much for ‘using your words’.

“Stress,” your sister cut in, earning a sigh from Jaehyun.

“I came because… I wanted to warn you,” Jaehyun almost winced, his words not coming out how he’d planned.

“ To warn me? ” your tone was strong even in your weakness, “not because you promised you would come back?”

Jaehyun shook his head, “I… look, you can’t go ahead with the engagement with Mr Nakamoto.”

You frowned.

“And what makes you think you can tell me what to do about my future?”

Jaehyun was growing frustrated now, “I’m not, but even if I was, I wouldn’t be the first one telling you what to do with your future,” he said pointedly.

“Why are you meddling? I never asked you to get involved,” you felt like a stubborn child, but you were more upset at the fact that it was him of all people, advising you not to marry Yuta.

You supposed that was what you wanted when you’d sent him that letter, but a very belated form of it, showing up in front of you now.

“My apologies, I did not ask for your permission,” he scoffed, “that isn’t the issue here, Ms Y/L/N, you cannot proceed with this engagement.”

“Perhaps your warning would be of more use if you’d sent it sooner in a letter,” you huffed.

You knew this was the sulky side of you speaking now, but it was the truth. Did he think he could simply waltz into your bedroom after months of silence, tell you not to marry the man you were engaged to and expect you to comply graciously?

“I don’t need your help with my marriage.”

“Marriage?”

Your sister wanted to avert her gaze, the tension in the room growing thicker by the minute, but it was impossible to look away, with the viscount looking unlike she could ever imagine seeing him. Desperate, frustrated, emotional . Nothing like anyone knew him to be.

“We’re already engaged,” you murmured, as if reluctant to solidify the truth by speaking it into existence.

“Besides, like I said. If I needed your… interference—”

“Help,” he corrected, earning an eye roll from you (not that he could see it, your eyes still being closed).

“Fine, help. If I needed it, I would have asked.”

“Is help only given when it is needed?”

You huffed, the bubbling of frustration within your chest growing stronger as you called to mind your emotions for the past few months.

“It definitely seems to be otherwise when it’s coming from you. Needed or not, I’d rather not have your help at all,” you forced your eyes open, immediately regretting it when you turned your head to meet his gaze.

Desperate, frustrated, emotional.

“You don’t mean that, I’m trying to warn you. You don’t know what kind of man he truly is.”

"Consider me warned,” your gaze was as firm as you could muster, not finding any reason to withdraw when it came to Jaehyun. This was yourself, in all that you were feeling.

“Don't patronise me. You don’t know what he’s capable of.” You almost faltered, almost . A small nagging fear started to creep up on you, telling you that you’ve made a grave mistake with Yuta.

“And you do?” you asked, slowly shifting yourself so you could see him better, unsure if you were being spiteful or curious now, maybe both.

“Better than you, it seems,” he huffed, taking a step closer to your bed, your sister pressing herself against the wall as if that would help the tension in the room, shifting her weight from foot to foot as she watched the dynamic between you and Jaehyun unfold.

It was nothing compared to how she saw you and Yuta interact, but something about this was interesting. It was like the both of you were simply hiding behind your true feelings, masking it with frustration and beating around the bush, focusing on unimportant details because you were both too afraid to be the first one to reveal your heart.

“And where is this understanding coming from?"

Jaehyun visibly hesitated, sighing before he told you the truth, "Johnny and I saw him when we were travelling."

“Johnny?” you frowned, “Oh, you mean the marquess that dares not show his face in this town?”

Again, the focus on unnecessary details to prolong the time before you had to finally face up to what you really wanted to hear and say.

“His title is not who he is,” was all Jaehyun could muster, feeling the tension in the room as he continued to hold your gaze.

“And by that same logic, I can say you don’t know my partner any better than I do,” you shrugged, the words sounding unfamiliar even as you said it.

That seemed to strike a nerve with Jaehyun, his tone rising slightly in his urgency and frustration.

“Would you stop calling him that? He’s not going to come back! You know why—?”

“What would you rather me call him then? My husband-to-be ?”

“—he’s too busy conning and cheating people like your parents in other towns for money now. Your family is going to be left in debt because of that man.” Though Jaehyun wasn’t shouting, his tone was filled with such urgency, such firmness, that he might as well have been. The implication of his words echoed louder than anything, louder than the sound of your heart picking up speed.

Your silence spoke for you, feeling as though a large wave had just washed over you and pulled you under. Your heart continued to thump quickly as you struggled to regain your bearings, as you struggled to gain control over yourself. Only one thought rang in your head, your mother had already given Yuta your dowry before he disappeared.

You glanced at your sister, her debut would need to be delayed now. Your family couldn’t afford to muster up another dowry so soon, not when you hadn’t gotten married yet.

“Now do you understand why I needed to come and warn you?” his tone softened, and without realising he began to make his way closer to you, daring himself to look closely at you in your shock, processing what he was feeling at the sight of it. Which, at the moment, could only be described as wanting to pull you out from under the waves, to dive in and look for you so he could bring you to the surface.

“I cannot—” he stopped himself, shaking his head, “I will not watch you let yourself be humiliated, waiting for that… that liar ."

Something in your gaze was hurt, vulnerable as you looked at him, wondering how he could say such words with such confidence when he was the one you were waiting for this whole time.

“I am not a stranger to waiting, you of all people should know that very well,” you said.

Jaehyun’s expression softened, still brushing aside what he wanted to say to you, his thoughts focused on how you must be feeling to find out you’ve just been conned by your fiancé.

“Why do you think I came here?” he asked, and the reminder that his purpose here was to warn you and not for other reasons was a bitter pill to swallow, so this bitterness showed in your response.

“In hopes to annoy me to death, perhaps.”

At his lack of a response, you frowned, “…. Why aren’t you saying anything? I expected a witty remark by now.”

What you didn’t expect was for Jaehyun to sigh, something in his expression akin to tenderness, which didn’t make sense to you at the moment. But it was a very tenderness that you always wondered about, what he reserved it for, how it would show, how it would feel. It seems all of those questions were answered now as you looked at him.

“Where do you think that man is? Right now, while you’re in this condition. Where do you think this man that you’re set on marrying will be after hearing of your sickness?” His tongue peeked out to wet his lips, though even if your attention was momentarily diverted, nothing could tear it away from his gaze. As though he had a million things to say to you, hidden inside of him, and you were only catching glimpses of it through his eyes. Yet they still managed to be gleaming, twinkling, pulling you out from under the waves.

“Yet here you are… destroying yourself for somebody who is incapable of loving you in the way you deserve,” he spoke almost bitterly, and the (not so) little hope within you had begun to surface again. Courage to make your feelings known, and hope that they would be received.

Jaehyun let his gaze shift to the way your hand lay on top of your covers, holding the fabric close to yourself for some sense of comfort. It surprised him, the way he wished he could hold you, to embrace you in his own comfort. The thought came naturally to him, as if that was his body’s natural response, to want you to be able to receive that from him and for him to give his love and affection freely to you.

“I’m sorry, I know it must be a lot to process. He had me believing his act too, I… should’ve asked Johnny sooner, if I did then you would not have to face such grief now—”

“It’s not about him,” you spoke, hoping your voice wasn’t quivering with how you were on the brink of tears, frustrated that you couldn’t tell what he felt for you even now, but filled with hope that you were sure you couldn’t hold your feelings within you much longer, “it was never about waiting for him, or… grieving for the loss of him .”

Jaehyun fell silent, lips parted slightly in shock as he held your gaze, your pleading eyes meeting his.

“Do you really think all these months have been for that man?”

“I wrote to you endlessly ,” your frown deepened, the ache in your heart worsening when you saw the way Jaehyun’s gaze softened, moving closer to you but stopping himself with evident restraint before he could get too close, “even when I could barely move myself out of my room the only thought on my mind was that I needed my words to reach you somehow, I needed some part of me to reach you… somehow.”

Your vision blurred, making you blink harshly. The fact that you couldn’t see him clearly behind your tears disconcerted you, “What else was I supposed to think when I didn’t hear back? What other choice did I have?”

Jaehyun paused, remembering your sister’s presence in the room, deciding that now would be the time where he stops dancing around the reason why he truly came back to see you.

“May I…” he turned to face your sister, “have the honour of a private audience with your sister?”

Her eyes widened, fighting the smile that threatened to show on her face as she gave you a knowing look, averting her gaze as her hand came up to cover her mouth, nodding. Gesturing a hand to you, she already began leaving the room, “Of course, of course. By all means.”

“As much as you may think I hate you, or… am here to meddle in your life or annoy you… I don’t like seeing you like this. I do not wish to see you in pain,” he let out a sigh through his nose, taking another step closer to your bed, daring himself to take a seat next to your legs, his body moving naturally as though this was what it meant to simply allow himself to be. Like muscle memory.

You huffed, “I’ve always been good at masking it, I suppose.”

He shook his head, displeased, “Or nobody has bothered asking if you needed to be relieved.”

“I’m sorry I did not write back to you. I just… in retrospect now I realise it was foolish of me but… from all your letters I just assumed,” he brought a hand up to run through his hair in frustration, “I assumed you were perfectly fine with Yuta. I had no right coming back and disrupting that, as much as I wanted to.”

“Believe me, I wanted to,” he huffed, “and it surprised me because, well, it was strange. It felt like you were seeing me for who I was… as if I was known for more than my wealth, my appearance, for everything in myself that was not perfect. But with you, it wasn't a matter of having to try to earn love, but to re-learn what love is, what it feels like.”

Your throat felt dry, something about his honesty making the ache in your heart grow, feeling as though what you sought to satisfy this ache was within reach, yet still at a loss for what it was that you desired.

"I did not know how to convey that in my letters. No words were enough, nothing... nothing was quite satisfying enough in expressing what I wanted to say to you. The thought of hiding what I felt beneath enquiries about the weather or about Mr Nakamoto made me sick to my stomach. That kind of intimacy that I felt when I was with you... It scared me because it only made me wish for more. I didn't think it was what you wanted."

“I thought that I could just separate myself from the situation, to resolve it that way before it could hurt me, but it was only when I saw that man when I was with Johnny that I realised,” his gaze flickered between your eyes and his hands, returning to your eyes and meeting you with that same hope.

Hope that gleamed, twinkled, that was not rooted in fear but in love.

“You deserved more than him, the love that you allowed me to discover was very much possible… the love you deserve. It would hurt me more if I had to watch you forgo that for the sake of others.”

Use your words.

“What do you suppose is this love that I deserve?” you dared to ask, somehow the use of your words did not feel as manipulative as it always did, it did not feel like you were trying to hide behind them this time, but to let your heart be known through them.

Jaehyun remained firm, and this conviction was enough to make you feel like you were slowly being lifted up to the surface of the water, the light seeping through the water making your surroundings feel brighter.

“... a love that remains forever.”

You weren’t sure if you were breathing, feeling the water get lighter as you followed the light from his eyes.

“And you suppose that is within reach for me?” your voice was barely above a murmur.

Jaehyun nodded, the hint of desperation lingering in his tone, “I promise you, it is within reach.”

“You cannot promise me a forever and not give it to me.”

There was a hint of amusement in Jaehyun’s gaze, the slightest of smiles on his face at your response. He wished you would remain this way, unafraid to use your voice with him, unafraid to assert yourself, to allow him to see, know and love you for who you are.

“I would not have mentioned it if I were not ready to give it to you at this very moment.”

Your lips parted slightly, “How do you suppose you will do that?”

Jaehyun wore the tell-tale expression that let you know he thought of something that either pleased or amused him, as if waiting for the right timing to say his smart line with a smug tone.

“By… asking you to marry me.”

If you thought his eyes gleamed and twinkled before, the smile that he wore when he saw the sheer relief grace your features. The feeling of being pulled above the surface of the water.

“It’s not too much to ask, just… be with me. Depend on someone other than yourself for a change.”

“My Lord, you know—” you began, turning your head abruptly and immediately regretting your sudden movements, your head beginning to throb even more. Jaehyun shocked you with the way he adjusted your pillow, helping you to lower your head back down onto the pillow carefully, smoothing your hair away from where it stuck to your face from your cold sweat.

“I want you to,” he nodded.

It was strange, being told that someone wanted you to depend on them when you were always used to being the one who was depended on. Instead of promising you gold, he was promising you the warmth of it, the value of it. Not the ‘Midas touch’ that took life away from things, but one that brought light and hope.

You wanted this . Not your long, tedious game, but the life he was offering you, a life of love, love even in imperfection, love that brought with it rest, love that was a state and not something to earn.

You nodded, “I want to…” your body felt warm under his touch, your gaze following his movements as he picked up the cloth draped over the small basin next to your bedside, wringing the cloth after wetting it and using it to dab the sweat from your face and neck.

You felt as though you weren’t breathing, a wave of emotion rushing through you at the feeling of being under his care. It was as though he was removing the little bandage you used to cover the ache that you felt, replacing it with a bandage that fit, one that wrapped around the ache instead of just trying to suppress it.

“I want to marry you,” was all you could muster, Jaehyun letting out a huff of amusement as he set the cloth aside, his left hand moving to your face, letting the pads of his fingertips trace the side of your face before letting his thumb smooth over your cheek gently. It was unmistakable, the feel of the calluses on his fingertips from what you assumed was his recent playing of the violin.

“Does my presence have that much of an effect on you?” he drawled, smugness laced in his tone as he brought you back to your exchange in your father’s study. His gaze flickering to your lips just briefly, making your heart skip in a way you’d never experienced before.

You rolled your eyes with affection, this time not feeling the need to ‘use your words’ to hide once again.

“Perhaps it does.”

===

‘My forever only, Time and time again, I am reminded that I was foolish to think I could live the rest of my life without you when a day that passes by when I am not with you is filled with a longing I cannot imagine I could ever grow comfortable with, much less befriend.

Back then, I was used to being all alone. I found this solitude to be a companion, though loneliness is never a good lover. The sky gets ethereal for the things no longer living in chains. You allowed me to come to know what that truly meant, what it truly felt like. Love given freely is all I have to offer you, so I hope you’ll have me.

My love, I have not stopped thinking of the way you look at me, and each time I awake I find myself waiting for when I may be under your gaze again. The thought lingers before I am with you, filling me with an inexplicable feeling of love that refuses to leave even when we part. Forever sounds daunting but when I envision a forever of this love that you meet me with in your eyes, your smile, your presence, it becomes a boundless sea I wish to swim in for as long as my spirit exists.

All I ask of you, all I want is having you in my day. To keep you in safety, health, and love.

- J, your forever only.’

“Do you remember what was discussed?”

You were drawn from your thoughts, your sister handing you the bouquet of dark red roses as you started walking.

What did you discuss?

Right.

Be yourself. You felt the crunch of cobblestone beneath your feet as you made your way with your sister to the church. You are allowed to launch into unrelated discourses out of panic. You fixed your gloves so they fit comfortably around your hands and arms. Have good manners, unless provoked. You could hear your sister humming to the piano piece she’d been practising that morning. You are safe to express yourself. With the sound of her humming, the rustling of the big trees overhead and the wind caressing your face gently comforted you.

Reaching the doors of the chapel, you spotted your father who awaited you, though you couldn’t focus on anything else once the doors opened, your gaze immediately finding the man who stood at the altar, a smile adorning his face once he met your gaze. A wave of clarity washed over you; you felt peaceful.

There he was, not a marriage partner, not an economic proposer .

Jaehyun, your love match.

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bordysbae · 1 year

Note

can u do a luca blurb where there’s like an argument and it’s like luca and his gf vs someone else and it’s the two like sticking up for each other? i hope that makes sense

“a new side of you”

luca fantilli x f!reader

warning: profanity and underage drinking

despite the ending of frozen four not being what everyone was hoping, the boys still threw themselves a party as soon as they got back to michigan, just because of how far they had made it. it’s also a party to say their “formal” goodbyes to the seniors, and the boys who won’t be returning next year due to upcoming signings with the big league.

the party isn’t a rager, but it sure isn’t small either. there are people everywhere, but the only person you care to find is your boyfriend luca. you got caught up in a conversation with johnny while luca went to get another drink, not even realizing luca hadn’t come back in quite some time. you eventually find him in a conversation with one of his classmates. you’ve met the guy before but he’s nothing special. in your opinion he has a bland personality and thrives off of his daddy’s money, but since he’s friends with a few of the guys, you almost always see him at parties.

“jonah, hey!” you greet him, as luca wraps an arm around your shoulder.

“oh hey, y/n right?” jonah nods his head towards you as his form of addressing you.

“uh, yeah,” you say, annoyed by him already. you know he knows your name since you guys have met over five times, but he chooses to have a douche bag persona. “not like we haven’t met already” you mumble under your breath making luca chuckle.

“what’d you say?” jonah asks you, straightening his back. you look up from your cup at him, and chuckle at his new tough-boy stance.

“nothing, what were you guys talking about before i got here? i didn’t mean to interrupt,” you say in an attempt to change the topic.

“no, fucking tell me what you said,” jonah blurts out, startling both you and luca.

“dude relax. i didnt even say anything, chill out man,” you scoff.

“someone’s on their period. control your woman fantilli,” jonah jokes. your mouth falls agape at his statement.

“what did you just say to me? i’m on my what?”

“you heard me,” jonah chuckles before taking a sip of his drink.

“watch your fucking mouth douchebag. don’t fucking say that shit about my girlfriend! especially right in front of her or me,” luca starts up.

“oh it was a joke relax, you can’t even talk like you’re some big guy anyways! you warm the bench, and you guys lost in the frozen four. just chill out luca you’re not some hotshot,” jonah exclaims. your mouth falls agape, and lucas whole body tenses up.

before you can even think, your mouth just starts running, “oh you wanna talk about hot shots? you thrive on daddy’s money and think everyone is in love with you. newsflash, just because you never went d1 for hockey after high school, doesn’t mean being friends with the team makes you important. honestly, they all think you’re a dick. and so what if luca doesn’t get the absolute most playing time? he still went d1, unlike someone else in this conversation”

luca chuckles at your words, and this makes jonah even more pissed. “you think i’m gonna listen to you? don’t you have a fucking nail appointment to go to?”

“jonah you sound like an idiot. pulling out misogynistic ‘insults’ like that’s gonna do anything? just accept the fact you’re in the wrong, it’ll be the only good thing you ever did. notice how i’m the one in a relationship, and you can barely get a girl in your bed unless she’s intoxicated? which by the way is horrible in itself, but that’s a conversation for another time. just go home bud.” luca declares.

despite the topic of conversation, you can’t help yourself but be attracted to this side of luca. you’ve never seen him act out this way, and him defending you like this is only making the attraction worse. the heavily intoxicated jonah flips you both off and makes his way back into the pool of people, leaving you and luca alone in the kitchen.

“that was a new side of you. i liked that” you admit, making luca blush ever so slightly.

“oh yeah?” he laughs, and pulls you closer to his body so that you’re now against his chest looking up at him.

“i’m sorry about that, he’s an asshole.” luca says to you softly but loud enough for you to hear over the music.

“no i’m sorry. he said some rude things about you babe, don’t listen to him he’s just jealous”

“eh, i don’t mind. i get enough chirping from adam anyways,” luca chuckles and kisses the top of your head. you both embrace each other a little bit more before heading back to the swarm of people throughout the rest of the house. you guys went back to luca’s dorm afterwards and spent the rest of the night in each others arms, never forgetting the moment you two shared tonight.

#luca fantilli #luca fantilli imagine #luca fantilli blurb #luca fantilli x reader #umich hockey #hockey imagine #hockey blurb #michigan hockey #l

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dream0fschism · 1 year

Note

GIVE US SOME JEALOUS!GRAVES BAYBEEEEE

it's just a little something..

hope u like it <3

It wasn't often that your boyfriend involved you with his associates, so when he'd mentioned going for a few drinks and invited you, of course you were more than happy to tag along.

For the duration of the night something had been off about Phillip, you couldn't help but notice it in the way his eyes burned into the head of every mouth that opened in your direction.

You knew it was the final straw when a joke was directed to you from Johnny, who they'd referred to often as 'Soap'.

"Aye.. I mean sweetheart, if he's willing to share I'd be all in!"

It was absolutely harmless, you knew, but there was an undeniable look slowly creeping its way over your boyfriend's features that told you things would quickly go south if you didn't intervene.

You'd noticed the hand Phillip had on his glass had visibly tightened around the rim, knuckles white and telltale of the internal rage letting loose inside of him.

"Well I think it's time we got going, honestly," you sighed, after throwing a faint smile towards Soap. *I'm tired, Phil." You turned towards your partner, placing a comforting hand onto his shoulder and giving a squeeze. "Can we go?"

It would all come out when you get home, but Phillip would never direct any of his furiousity towards you, never blamed you for the way he thinks and feels about things.

"I don't even fuckin' like him and he knows it. That is exactly why he did what he did."

When you assure him that mulling over such things is pointless, that you're his and only his and any external parties just didn't matter, he'd calm a little. But there was something still sticking to his chest that he had to shake off.

He presses you into the soft sheets of your shared bed whilst he suckles at the flesh of your neck just under your ear, runs his palms under the skirt of your dress and ruffles it up to expose your bottom half.

Between kisses, he mutters. "He knows you're mine and that he can never have you himself. Knows that I'd put him down like the fuckin' dog he is if he tried anything."

Phillip smoothes strands of hair from over your face before he lifts himself to lock your eyes. "You're all for me, baby. You know that, don't you?"

You'd nod wordlessly, reaching down to stroke at his shirt-clad, toned stomach in invitation.

"Oh no, not yet," he'd purr, snatching one side of your face in between his digits. "Words, baby. You know I want a real answer."

"Yes, Phillip," you'd whine, wrapping your legs around his middle to anchor him in closer.

After that, he'd fuck you senseless. It would be rough, but still completely sensual. He'd fuck you from behind, pulling you back by the hair as he did so and stroking a free hand across your stomach as he pumped into you. He loves it because he can growl into your ear, completely and utterly possessive as he reassures you just who you belong to.

#phillip graves #philip graves smut #mw2 smut #mw2 #philip graves x reader #graves x reader #graves mw2 #graves cod #graves smut

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mymoodwriting · 1 year

Photo

Request for Anon (Yandere Sugar Daddy NCT U) 9k, assault, verbal assault, physical assault, slut-shaming, public humiliation, bullying, name calling, smut, unprotected sex, fingering, penetration, blowjob, handjob, creampie, gang bang, breeding, pregnancy scare, forced pregnancy, non-con, kidnapping, yandere, bad ending, blatant disregard for womens reproductive rights

“Leave me the fuck alone!”

This wasn’t the first time you had answered the phone in such a manner. Screaming into the little speaker, hoping to blow out the eardrum of the annoying caller, and then hanging up. It was a very frustrating ordeal.

“Damn girl, what’s your problem?”

“It’s nothing, Mina. Just trying to get my point across.”

“Is someone bothering you?”

“Bingo.”

“Then why haven’t you blocked their number?”

“Oh I have, but obviously they still know mine. So whenever I get a call from a random number, I answer by screaming.”

“And how long have you been doing that for?”

“Uh… a little over a week now.”

“Seriously? And they still haven’t gotten the message?”

“Nope.”

“You know, what if those calls are important?”

“I don’t have any jobs or internships or anything that I’m waiting to hear back on, so it’s highly unlikely that’s the case.”

“Maybe you should change your number.”

“That would mean spending money I don’t have.”

“Really? Says the girl who has paid her tuition in full and doesn’t owe a penny in student debt. All because of some mystery job she won’t tell me about or share!”

“Well, you know me.”

“Yeah, I do.”

You and Mina were close friends, having met here at Uni your freshman year and sticking together through it all. Now you were at the start of your final semester, ready for one last ride before starting a new chapter of your life. Of course the campus was jammed back as new students were moving in, and freshmen were trying to navigate this new place and find their classes. It was a really beautiful day too, and you had yet to start any of your classes, so you were in a pretty good mood. You knew you probably wouldn’t feel the same by the end of the day, but it was best to make the most of it now. That is until you were suddenly yanked back, and came face to face with someone you really didn’t want to see.

“You’re such a fucken bitch.”

Jeno’s words dripped with venom. To say he was pissed would be an understatement. He was also the last person you wanted to see right now.

“What the hell are you doing here!”

“Why aren’t you answering our calls?”

“Oh, I am answering. I just don’t wanna hear what you have to say!”

“That’s not solely for you to decide!”

“Yes, it is. If I want to end things, I can, and I have.”

“Without a proper explanation? You’re kidding, right?”

“Does it sound like I am?”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“Leave. Before I call security.”

“We are not leaving until we talk.”

“We?”

You heard it then, the terribly familiar sound of a car engine, two car engines to be specific. You looked over and saw the vehicles pulling up, two gentlemen exiting each one, and making their way over to you. In the moment you attempted to run off, but Jeno grabbed your arm and dragged you towards them.

“There she is.” Ten teased. “Where ya been hiding love?”

“Fuck off! I want nothing to do with you! Any of you!”

“Yeah, we got your text. Now explain yourself.”

“What’s there to explain? I’m breaking up with you, period.”

“See that’s the thing.” Johnny grabbed your chin and forced your eyes to meet. “Where did that silly idea come from?”

“My head. Or is that too hard to comprehend.”

“Easy now, princess. You’re begging for punishment if you keep acting like this.”

“I’m not playing any games here.” You pulled away from Johnny. “We’re done, now leave.”

“That’s hardly an explanation.” Jaehyun hissed. “Do the last four years mean nothing to you?”

“Are you really all that dumb? Our relationship was just an exchange of goods and services, nothing more.”

“Is that so?”

“I’ve told you all about my dreams and aspirations for the future before. When did I ever include you in them?”

Yuta scoffed. “So you really just whored yourself out to us for four years so we could pay your tuition? And now that it’s all been paid off, you’re done with us?”

“Bingo. Maybe you’re not that stupid.”

“This was all just a fucken game to you?” Jeno yelled. “Four years?! A fucken game!”

“Not like you ever made a serious move, did you now? Any of you for that matter. So don’t come bitching to me about a broken heart or broken promises. It’s not my fault you caught feelings when I wasn’t sending you any fucken signals.”

“Yeah? What about all the nights out? The dinners, the trips, the clothes and accessories?”

“Dinners, and trips, you invited me out on. I never asked to go anywhere. As for the clothes and other stuff, that’s all at your place, isn’t it? I never kept any of the fancy expensive stuff you got me, did I? Nor did I ask for anything. I owe you nothing. You got what you paid for, more than that actually, but I’m fine leaving things as they are.”

Your words had certainly stunned them into silence. And you also meant everything you said. It was certainly fun to be with them, to get a little slice of that kinda life, even if it was just for a while. You knew it wouldn’t last though, and that’s the mentality you kept, the one that kept you from falling for them. They were just rich guys wanting someone to mess around with, and now that their no-strings attached fuck buddy had left them, they were panicking. You said your peace, having to spell it all out for them. It was good to get it off your chest though, and with that you’d make you exit. Or at least that was the idea.

As you turned around to leave, you felt a hand grab your arm and yank you back with enough force to drop you to the ground. You couldn’t get back up as they surrounded you. By then your whole argument had been noticed and a crowd of students and faculty had gathered around. Having this conversation out in the open was already embarrassing, and all the attention was making it worse. Although they were about to increase that exponentially.

“Whore.” Jaehyun spat. “Any money spent on you was clearly a waste. The only way you could think about getting through uni was to spread your legs. I bet you slept around with your professors too.”

“Excuse me!”

“Do you even have any brains?” Yuta questioned. “Or are you just playing pretend so you can wear a cap and gown, and show off some piece of paper.”

“Fucken-”

You tried to get up but Jeno got his foot on your chest, pinning you down. You struggled to get him off, but he was putting all his weight on you. When your eyes met him you could see he was still pissed, and if possible, he was way more enraged now.

“You found someone else to spread your legs for, didn’t you!” Jeno yelled. “Whoring yourself out for whoever can benefit you the most!”

“Get off of me!”

“Why? Don’t you like having men on top of you?” Johnny kicked dirt at you. “Fucken slut.”

“Ya!”

“Just do what you do best.”

Yuta and Ten started yanking your legs apart, and you kicked and screamed at them. Although you stopped when Jeno put more weight on you and you struggled to breath. You were clawing at his leg, but he was relentless.

“What’s going on here!”

Two officers from campus security approached and all the boys stepped back. Jeno moved away and you took in a deep breath, sitting up and coughing a bit.

“We’re leaving.” Ten smiled. “No need for an escort.”

“Hold on now, you can’t-”

“Just let them go.” You spoke. “I’m not gonna make a big deal out of this.”

The officers didn’t do anything more, and so the boys walked off. Soon enough you heard those damn engines again, but you didn’t dare look over at them. For a moment after they were gone everything remained quiet and still, and then Mina came over to help you stand, the crowds starting to disperse.

“What the hell was all that?”

“Remember when I told you I got a sugar daddy…”

“Yeah, daddy, as in one, not five! Also, I didn’t believe you.”

“Well I wasn’t lying.”

“Clearly. And you couldn’t share any of them?”

“They’re not exactly easy to deal with.”

“Is that why you’d always ditch me? Disappear on weekends? Why we couldn’t ever really share a meal together? You were off with them.”

“Yeah…”

“You really are stupid.”

“Ya!”

“Girl, when did you ever have time for yourself? Or anyone else in your life who was actually important? Here I thought you were just so focused on studying and busy working to pay off your tuition. I wasn’t wrong on the latter, but still.”

“Are you... mad at me?”

“No, not really. Just processing out loud... you did tell me about this, somewhat, I just didn’t think you were for real.”

“I know. If you had told me the same thing I wouldn’t have believed you either.”

“But you’re really done with them now?”

“Yup. I didn’t think they’d throw such a fit though.”

“A fit? I’d call that harassment, and assault. Shouldn’t you press charges?”

“There’s no point. They’d get good lawyers, and it’d just be a waste of my time. I don’t want anything to do with them anymore, so I’ll let it go.”

“Fine, but you are getting a new number after class. Got it?”

“Yeah.”

That morning certainly killed the mood, but you went about your day trying to make the best of it. Of course your chest hurt pretty bad, but nothing some quick pain killers couldn’t deal with. Like you had promised, after all your classes, you and Mina went to change your number. Then you went about the grueling task of messaging friends and family to let them know you had a new number.

“Shall we go out for ice cream? You know, since you’re free now.”

“I could use something sweet.”

You knew there would still be issues. If they made such a big show at your campus, who knows what else would happen if you met out on the streets. With that in mind you didn’t go anywhere off campus alone, and you didn’t visit any of their favorite places or usual hangouts. You thought you had it figured out, but there was something you couldn’t avoid. Everyone else.

Word spread fast about that day. About how a girl got harassed by five guys, and all the slurs and insults that they threw her way. A few days later everyone seemed to know your name, and had an idea of the type of person you were. When you went to class all the others would purposely sit away from you, only Mina ever sat next to you. Then there were the whispers and chuckles. Every time you raised your hand to ask a question there was always some comment about you sleeping around with the professor. Regardless of who it was. It was frustrating, but you just pushed through. Although Mina certainly wanted to pick a fight with everyone.

“Just let it go.”

“How are you so okay with this?”

“I’m not, but it’ll die down eventually. As long as I don’t engage with them I won’t add fuel to the fire. So don’t pay them any attention.”

“They are slut-shaming you and saying all kinds of shit.”

“And I just have to make it through this semester. After that I can move forward and really build my life. I’m not gonna let some idiots who have nothing better to do ruin that. Besides, I’m sure they’re all just jealous I could actually get a Sugar Daddy, and five at that.”

“You’re not wrong there. Those people don’t just throw money at anyone.”

“I appreciate you ready to fight for me, but this ain’t worth it.”

Mina sighed. “Fine, but if you ever wanna start swinging, just let me know.”

“Will do.”

🖤

You were right, in part. The teasing did die down, and you could go about your life like normal, but there were still a handful of dicks who found things funny. And one ballsy little fucker who decided to go a step further. As one of your classes ended, and you were gathering your things, another of your peers accidentally spilled their drink all over you.

“Oh shit, my bad. You must be used to getting soaked though.”

That bastard and his friends snickered to themselves. You knew everyone got the joke, some chuckling too, but of course no one was gonna say anything or take your side. So you just did your best to clean your face, and then whipped around to look at your attacker. Of course it was a boy and his friends, although he got quiet now that you were staring at him dead on.

“Your mistake, right?”

“Yeah. I can be clumsy, you know.”

“Right. So then just pay up and we can call it even.”

“Huh?”

“You said it was your mistake. So pay for it.” You held out your hand. “I think a hundred dollars should cover my hair and clothes.”

“A hundred dollars? You play around with some rich boys and now you think you’re worth all that?”

“So you’re not gonna pay me?”

“Fuck that.”

“Fine then, but we are gonna call it even.”

“What?”

Without missing a beat you swung at him and clocked him right in the face. He fell back onto his friends, and you noticed a bit of blood from his nose.

“My mistake. I guess we’re even now.”

“You bitch!”

Not once in your academic career have you ever wound up in the principal’s office, this was the student dean’s office, so not the same but still. You had no problems with words, but things getting physical was crossing a line, and you weren’t going to sit still. You were still drying off as you sat in the dean’s office, listening to that jerk go off about how you were a monster and whatever. You weren’t going to apologize until he did, but that was definitely not gonna happen when his parents walked in. You couldn’t believe he actually called for help like this, and now they were demanding your expulsion. That someone violent like you shouldn’t be at such a place.

“Are you kidding? Are you even looking at me? Your son started this, and couldn’t apologize or pay up for his mistake!”

“A mistake isn’t met with physical violence!”

“He started it!”

“Please, everyone calm down.” The dean spoke. “We can resolve this without yelling.”

“I want that girl expelled.”

“That seems a little too-”

“Do you know how much we give to this school so-”

The conversation stopped short as the door opened. You couldn’t imagine who else would join this conversation. When you looked back your eyes went wide, and you stood up.

“Sit down, baby.” Johnny said. “We’ll get you cleaned up later.”

“How-”

“Who the hell are you gentlemen?!”

“Y/n’s sponsors.” Jaehyun smiled. “We heard there was a commotion involving her, and by the state she is in, I’m not very happy. What is being done to remedy this?”

“She hasn’t apologized for hitting my son!”

“Has he apologized for his actions?”

“Exactly who are you to be making such demands?”

“Ah, right. I’ve not introduced myself. I’m Jung Jaehyun. These are my friends, Nakamoto Yuta, Johnny Suh, Lee-”

“I know those names…”

“Good. Then apologize before you’re buried.”

“Excu-”

“Or shall this be resolved outside this room?” Ten smiled. “I have no problem doing it that way too. I might actually prefer it.”

You didn’t care much for an apology, you got to punch the fucker in the face, but getting one was the cherry on top. You didn’t apologize either and the situation was left at that. Now that you had a moment you wanted to go clean up, and the boys wound up dragging you into a gender neutral bathroom. Johnny locked the door, and leaned against it, guaranteeing privacy. You were ready to start screaming and fighting but Yuta turned the sink on, getting the water warm and grabbing paper towels. They weren’t saying anything, and you could silently be grateful for that. You washed up your hair, using the hand dryer to dry it off as best you could. Jeno gave you his jacket afterwards since your shirt was still dirty.

“Alright, what the fuck do you want?”

“We owe you an apology.” Yuta said. “For everything.”

“Go on then.”

“We’re sorry we attacked you the way we did that day.” Jeno began. “We were out of line and completely in the wrong for that.”

“Assholes. You know this is all your fault right? Everyone keeps calling me names because of you! And this was the first time someone dared to take it a step further.”

“We never meant-”

“Then what did you think was gonna happen when you screamed out that I was a whore in the middle of campus?”

“…”

“Good try, I guess.”

“You were right.” Ten admitted. “Four years is a lot of time, and yet throughout it all you never made a move to suggest you wanted anything more from us than attention and money. We never did anything to give you the impression that we wanted more from you either. I’m sure if we had, you would have said something sooner. So you were right, we had no reason to act the way we did. We’ve been seeing each other for a long time and you broke it off so suddenly. Our judgment became clouded, and we let rage overtake us when we should have been better. We can’t simply undo what we did, but we are sincerely sorry for our actions.”

“Hm… was it really that hard to take a moment and reflect?”

“Yeah…” Jaehyun added. “We’ve had such good times together, it was hard to believe you’d just leave us like that… but why was it so sudden? Why didn’t you just talk to us?”

“I… I wasn’t entirely sure how… we weren’t really boyfriend and girlfriend… and it’s not like we had agreed to anything specifically when we started this whole… thing… all I could think of was a break up text… I also didn’t think you’d explode at me the way you did… I mean, I always thought you had girls lined up that you played with or whatever… I didn’t think you’d care that much…”

“Well, as you can see… we care a lot…”

“Yeah… how did you even know I was in trouble?”

“We might have… been paying someone in the administrative office to keep tabs on you for us…”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.” Johnny commented. “We’ve practically been with you throughout your whole academic career. You’re a good student, so we never imagined you’d get into any kind of trouble, but just to be safe. It worked out for us in the end. We’ve been wanting to talk to you, to apologize, we just didn’t really know how to approach you.”

“I see.”

“Which brings us to our other point. Do you think we can do this properly?”

“Do what?”

“We understand that you don’t see us in your future, but can we at least end things on a good note? We’ve been with you for four years now… we were all kinda hoping to see you graduate you know…”

“What exactly are you suggesting here?”

“One last dinner… one last trip…” Yuta mumbled. “That kinda stuff… let us see this to the end. We can just be another part of your Uni days and nothing more.”

“Hm…”

“Can you at least give us that kinda closure?”

You weren’t really sure how you felt about all this. You had already cut them out of your life, but they were clearly still hanging on. At least they had apologized, and did help you back there in the dean’s office. Truth was the way you handled things wasn’t all that great either. You had been worried that if you just talked to them they’d find some way to convince you to stick around, but that really wasn’t your life plan. Now they understood that, so maybe things could end differently. You also didn’t want to part ways with them on a bad note.

“Just until graduation?”

“We really wanna see you with that cap and gown.” Jeno admitted. “You’ll look so gorgeous.”

“Alright, we can somewhat continue as we were, but after my graduation, we’re done. Understood?”

“Got it.”

“Can we take you out to lunch then?” Ten asked. “Since you’re done with classes for the day.”

“You know my schedule too?”

“We were trying to figure out a way to talk to you…”

“Fine, let me just go change clothes first. I’ll meet you at my usual pick up spot?”

“That works for us.”

🖤

It had been a while since you last hung out with the boys, so there was a bit of awkwardness. At least this was just lunch to ease back into things. They took you to one of their usual spots, getting a private room and ordering your favorites.

“So, you really just clocked him in the face, huh?”

“He could have paid up. I wasn’t going to let him do that without consequence.”

“Good on you.” Yuta cheered. “Although tryna get you kicked out, that’s ridiculous.”

“I can’t believe he called his parents. Such a momma’s boy.”

“Says the sugar baby.”

“I didn’t call you to come save my ass.”

“Ah, so you agree.” Johnny teased. “We did save you?”

“Well… I wasn’t entirely sure how I was gonna deal with that just yet…”

“We saved you. It’s okay to admit that.”

“You guys just wanna brag to my face.”

“Is that so wrong?” Jeno teased. “Maybe you can shut me up with a reward.”

“You think you deserve a reward?”

“Don’t I?”

“Hm… what did you have in mind?”

“I have been missing you a lot.”

“Really? You? Or is it someone else?”

“Huh?”

Jeno had been at your side, and he was leaning in close asking for his reward. Now that you were teasing him back you leaned in too. You placed a hand between his legs, slowly moving it closer to his crotch. After breaking the ice, it was kinda easy to slip back into old dynamics. Besides, maybe you had missed something about them too.

“Oh… you want a reward out of this too, huh?”

“I’ve been good, haven’t I?”

“Easy now.” Jaehyun pulled you away from Jeno. “We’re just having lunch today, baby. Besides, are you still taking the pills?”

You sighed. “I stopped taking them when we parted ways.”

“Then we should probably get you back on them before we start playing. Don’t you think?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“We still have some.” Ten offered. “They should work just fine, right?”

“It shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Excellent. I’ll throw in a pregnancy test or two, just to be safe.”

“Seriously?”

“Well, you took a break from the pill, just a precaution.”

“Fair.”

Things weren’t exactly like before. They were more respectful of your time. Before they’d always be calling, wanting every moment of free time you had. They’d pick you up Friday night from school, keep you to themselves all weekend most of the time. You only ever got a pass during exam time, and when you had the guts to ask for a break. Usually you didn’t, not wanting to upset them and possibly lose out on your tuition money. It was exhausting, but it was all for a better life. At least that’s what you told yourself. This time around they were more like friends, checking in on you, and asking how you were doing.

They definitely wanted to see you, but on your own terms. So occasionally you’d go out for lunch, maybe dinner, but nothing too extravagant, as you knew they were gonna go all out for the last trip and dinner. At least with these little outings they always brought you back to campus unlike before where you’d spent the night with them until Sunday afternoon. Things were better this way, kinda making you wish the last four years had been like this too. Although you were actually surprised when they brought up the last trip.

“Spring break?”

“Yeah. Let’s have a blast and unwind before you give it your all for graduation.”

“Uh… well… the thing is…”

“You don’t like it?” Johnny questioned.

“I had already made plans with my friends for spring break… and I thought you’d want to go out on a trip like after my finals…”

“Ah, right. You didn’t intend for us to still be in your life by now.”

“Then how about we split it.” Yuta suggested. “First half of your break, you hang out with your friends. For the second half, we get you all to ourselves.”

“Hm… switch it.”

“Huh?”

“You get the first half, my friends get the second half.”

“How come?”

“Cause you guys can switch your plans around easily, my friends can’t.”

“Fair. So we’ll pick you up Monday morning?” Jeno asked. “Or can we come get you Friday night?”

“Oh, wanna kick things off early?”

“If you can handle it.”

“Sure. I’ll pack some things after my class.”

“Can’t wait.”

Even if you were acting cool, you were excited for this trip. They always treated you so well, spoiled you like a princess. This wasn’t gonna be any different. They had been modest so far, but now was their chance to do things like back then. They picked you up in a party bus, starting off strong with drinks, and congratulating you on your midterm exams. Of course karaoke and good food followed, and you were out celebrating until early hours of the morning. Somehow you all made it back to the penthouse sweet. You had a few more drinks before you made it to bed, half dressed with the boys piled around you.

The morning was a hangover times six, although some of them had it worse than you. Thankfully breakfast was brought up, and hangover cures, so you just had to get up and put food in your mouth. When that failed Johnny was more than happy to feed you, the one of the bunch that could really handle their liquor. You also needed to get yourself together. The party had only just begun, not to mention all the plans you had with your friends later on in the week. For now though, you just needed to make it through breakfast.

“Had a little too much?”

“I’m good…”

“Your face says otherwise.”

“What’s it telling you?”

“You wanna throw up?”

“I don’t want a bad taste in my mouth.”

“Then some ice cream to help soothe your throat.”

“Ice cream for breakfast?” Jaehyun questioned. “Isn’t that a bad idea?”

“This week is all about bad ideas.”

“So what’s on the agenda for today?” You asked. “More drinks?”

“We want you sober for all the memories we are gonna make. So no more drinks, is that okay?”

“Just fine.”

“Good. We were thinking of some tourist attractions, and some trips to the museums.”

“Jellyfish!”

“Yes. The aquarium is on the list.”

“Awesome!”

Once you were all better you headed out, taking a limo into town. You had a chance to relax now that you were on break, and really take it all in. This was one of the last times you’d be around here, planning to go home after graduation. The whole day honestly made you feel like a child, indulging in everything you wanted to do or eat. To many you looked like a little sister with her brothers, or maybe just a lucky girl with her friends, but either way, you were glad you didn’t attract any negative attention. Some did recognize the boys, but that never became a problem, so you had nothing to worry about.

You got to have lunch in the aquarium, watching all the fishes swim, almost feeling like you were in the water with them. The penguins were great too, and the jellyfish, and dolphins. You totally walked out with two or three plushies. For dinner this time you returned to the hotel, having some quality food, but as said before no drinking. Jeno and Yuta still felt the need to embarrass you and make a toast to your health and success in school. They even had a dessert brought out with a candle to once again congratulate you on surviving midterms. Although once back in the suite you better understood why there was a drinking ban.

As soon as you set foot in the penthouse Johnny picked you up in his arms, taking you to the bedroom. He saw you down and laid you back, his hand caressing your cheek. You could feel one of the others getting your shoes off, and you knew where this was going. It had been a while, but you had been waiting for this. Besides all the attention and money, there was another benefit to having five sugar daddies. No one could ever take care of you the way you did. Johnny leaned down to kiss your lips, his hands reaching down to your shirt, although you stopped him.

“I don’t think you asked permission.”

“I’m not asking tonight, baby.”

“No?”

“You have any idea how bad you’ve been?”

“Me?”

“Breaking up with us.” Jeno hissed into your ear. “Hiding away and trying to leave.”

“I thought we-”

“Sh, unless you wanna cause more trouble.”

“Tonight you’re gonna give us everything we are owed.” Yuta added. “So you better take it all with a smile on your face.”

Suddenly Johnny had your hands pinned above your head as Jeno pulled up your shirt. He reached over to unhook your bra and push it up, exposing your breasts. He kneaded them for a moment and you bit your lip. His hands were cold, but he knew how you liked his touch. Then you felt hands getting you out of your skirt. The second your panties were exposed there was a hand grabbing your crotch.

“It did always hurt that you never invited us back to your dorm.” Ten commented. “Didn’t want you getting exposed to your roommate?”

“She knew… about our arrangement… sort of…”

“I didn’t say you could speak, baby.” Ten slapped your inner thigh. “Bad girl.”

You bit your lip, instinctively trying to close your legs but Ten pulled them apart. The boys stripped you out of your clothes, leaving your panties on for the time being. Jaehyun had taken to holding down your arms as Johnny started kissing down your chest, Ten’s hand squeezing your thighs. Yuta and Jeno were already shedding articles of clothing, getting you all the more excited.

“You’ve been a good girl and taking the pills we gave you, right?” Jaehyun asked, and you nodded. “Good. So we can have all kinds of fun tonight.”

For as long as you had been with them, you had always taken the pill. They didn’t always take you raw, but it was better to be safe than sorry. You were also glad they didn’t play around with that kinda thing, wanting to be safe with you even if they were gonna fill you up to the brim with their seed. Tonight was going to be no different, you figured they’d be desperate to do so. Even if they wanted to tease, they couldn’t help themselves for too long. Soon enough you were all naked, and you were getting attacked with kisses from all angles.

“Who’s first?”

“The eldest.”

They still cared to make sure you were nice and wet, Johnny stretching you out a good way before giving you everything. It had been so long for you too, abstaining from sex to focus on your studies. You also hadn’t slept with anyone else but them for four years, and weren’t entirely sure how to get laid anymore. Even if it hurt at first, your body was quick to remember this familiar stretch, and feeling. Johnny hadn’t forgotten your body though, doing everything just right, doing it just how you liked it. Not to mention the others knew what to do while waiting their turn. Playing with your tits, stealing kisses, rubbing your clit, using your hands or mouth to warm up. You were gonna wear yourself out long before them, and they really loved when you became putty in their hands.

Even with all the distractions you couldn’t ignore Johnny as he was the one pounding into you. He was always so rough and precise with his movements, hitting your sweet spot just right. Of course you had been getting yourself off in your dorm, but nothing could compare to one of them taking you over to the edge. You could tell when Johnny got close, he got sloppy and so desperate, trying to hold out to make it all last, but spilling inside you was just as rewarding. The warm feeling between your legs was already making you head spin, but you knew Johnny lost a bit of his touch if he didn’t get you off. He wanted another go, but Jaehyun was already shoving him out of the way.

His turn was spent and Jaehyun would take pride in finishing you off. He had no problem slipping into the mess that was becoming of your cunt, eager to add to the mix. Of course Johnny wanted to give you a taste too, having you use your tongue to clean him up. If you had taken him all at once you probably would have choked as Jaehyun was giving you everything. He was making it very obvious he had a lot of pent up frustrations he was taking out on you. If he made you feel this good, you wouldn’t mind him holding off more often. Although he wasn’t gonna get the satisfaction of making you cum either as Jeno started playing with your clit, pushing you over to the edge before Jaehyun was even close.

You squeezed Jaehyun tight, feeling as you were leaking out cum, your head thrown back as your mouth hung open in bliss. You vaguely heard Jaehyun scolding the other boy for taking what was his, but it wasn’t so bad if he got to fuck you while you were so sensitive. He moved with your climax, trying to keep you riding that high for as long as you could, but as you started to come down he got relentless. You couldn’t help but whimper, but that wasn’t gonna make him go any easy. In his own desperation he got close, unable to hold back before cumming inside you, making you overflow.

“Such a messy slut, taking two cocks so well.”

“Let’s make it three.”

Jeno wanted to go next, but Ten kicked him off. He stuck two fingers into your mess, swearing cum on your belly, and then sticking the digits in your mouth.

“How’s that taste?”

He swirled his fingers around before pulling them out with a pop. He could be real mean, playing with you when he wasn’t even filling you up. Your whimpers were adorable to him, especially when you got needy enough to start shaking your hips. Now you were begging, and he was happy to give you what you wanted.

“Whore.”

Hearing those words outside the bedroom certainly wasn’t fun, but in the bedroom, even if it was said with the same level of vileness, you’d happily accept it. Four years, the same five dicks, you were certainly a whore for them. Ten was certainly on the more elegant side, working you over along with him, knowing how to get you on his level so you’d both climax together. Even being a little out of practice with your body, he could still play you like an instrument. He always held your hands when he had his way with you, wanting more than just your cunt to squeeze him tight, he wanted to feel the rest of your body shake. You’ve left him with marks before, and he’d happily welcome them now.

“At a girl, still know who owns you.”

You swear you saw white when he made you cum, drool slipping down your face. It was only your second orgasm, but you knew they could get more out of you. As many as they pleased. There was a safe word in place, but in all the years you had known them, you never used it. They seemed to know your limits as well as you did. Before you could even properly come down Jeno was already kissing at your chest, sucking on your nipples as he edged himself inside. The noise that was heard as he pushed aside everyone else’s seed to get in, an all too familiar sound you did quite enjoy to hear.

“You’re already so full, baby, can you take more?”

“Yes…”

“That’s what I like to hear.”

These sheets were gonna need to be thrown out when you were all done. You were already creating such a mess, and it wasn’t much compared to other nights. At least not yet. Jeno was practically digging into you, pushing in as cum came out. They had all had their turns before, being first or last or in the middle, so they wouldn’t complain about what stage they got to you. There were five of them after all, so they had to be good about sharing. Jeno was eager to make you unwind, so he gave you plenty of attention elsewhere. Twirling around your clit with his fingers, seeing it get red and swollen, another hand on your hip, keeping you from escaping him. He did it well enough you came first, already so sensitive, and he soon followed.

You felt so fucken full you swear you were gonna burst, but you were just out of practice. Yuta peppered you with kisses, telling you how well you were doing. His fingers dipped into your sloppy cunt, having you get a taste of it. You certainly didn’t expect him to kiss you after, but they didn’t just play around with you. They had each other after all. You were already so overstimulated and lost, Yuta was kind enough to give you a little break before taking what was rightfully his. He had no problem playing around with your cunt for a while before dipping into the mess. He fit in nicely, having a pretty good idea how to keep you happy despite your state. He was ruthless, just as frustrated as Jaehyun, taking it all out on you and sparking you back to life. You really missed them.

Now either the orgasm or Yuta made you pass out, but either way, you blacked out for a while. When you came to you were lying on the floor with your legs up in the air, clearly having fallen off to the side of the bed. Although Jeno was happily sleeping on your tummy, sighing dreamily and clearly cozy. You giggled at the sight. Sometimes you really did forget they were all close to your age, and yet living such different lives. You let Jeno stay for a while before you realized this position was very uncomfortable. You poked Jeno’s face to make him open his eyes.

“Why didn’t you pick me up? Do you think this is comfortable?”

“You looked cute, almost like you were drunk.”

“But I’m not.”

“Well, maybe not drunk off alcohol.” Jeno giggled and got up. “We were all out of it.”

“Obviously.”

You got up, sitting down properly, well aware that you were leaking cum all over the floor, but that wasn’t for you to worry about now. Some of the others were lying in bed, and you crawled up to join them, pressing lazy kisses to exposed skin. This was all a little break for everyone. The night was still young, and even if you were four orgasms in, it was just one for each of them. They were greedy, and would certainly get what they wanted out of you, whether you were conscious or not. Waking up with a cock inside you wasn’t new, but certainly something you could picture for a night like this.

🖤

You didn’t actually wake up properly until the afternoon. After that you knew the next day would be nothing but a lazy day. Somehow you managed to get up and get into the shower, knowing you needed a deep clean. Although you dozed off until Yuta found you sitting in the tub. He had the energy to join you and help clean you up, which you were grateful for. You returned the favor as well, the two of you the first to eat lunch from room service, waiting around for the others. When you were well enough you stepped out of the penthouse so they could clean up, heading to a park to enjoy the weather and sun.

The rest of your little trip was like that. You had some more fun at night, but not too much. Besides, you’d be going off with your friends, and you didn’t need to be completely worn out. Overall it was a good trip, a good last trip, one you knew you’d never forget. When the time came they dropped you off back at Uni, wishing you well with your friends, asking you to let them know if you needed anything. You thanked them for the adventure, glad you could still have all that. It felt more authentic given that this was really you going out with them as friends, not getting paid for your company.

Of course at some point your friends had to ask about your little trip. Anyone who knew you now knew about your sugar daddies, so there was no point lying about it. You spilled what you were comfortable with, and just enjoyed your time with them. You couldn’t believe this was your last spring break, but you were so happy to have them with you. It was hard to fall asleep Sunday night, knowing what awaited you the next day, but you had enough good memories to get you through the door. So come Monday morning, you weren’t actually dead as you got to class, unlike most of your peers.

The professors weren’t all going to be kind, so it was back to work like before. This was the final stretch for you, focus and study hard, and you’d be graduating. A part of you couldn’t actually believe it, but you had to, you couldn’t fuck this up. So you put a lot off to the side, including the boys. You still texted them, but you couldn’t do any mini dates, and they were very understanding. Even if you were the one working your butt off, they were just as nervous and as excited as you were. Although all that focus distracted you from something that was just as important.

“Holy shit, I’m late.”

“What?”

“I was due like last week. Fuck.”

“Aren’t you on the pill?”

“That’s not foolproof.”

“Fair. Are you sure it isn’t stress though? I’m pretty sure I’ve missed a period or two cause of classes.”

“I don’t think I have before…”

“Well you are gonna graduate in a month. That is if you pass your finals.”

“Don’t fucken jynx it!”

“I’m just saying. You’ve probably never been stressed like this before. Athletes wind up not having a period for months cause of the stress they’re under.”

“I’m not a professional athlete.”

“Then go buy a pregnancy test and see if one of your sugar daddies is gonna be a father.”

“I wouldn’t fucken tell them. We’ve always been careful.”

“Then it’s just the stress. Problem solved. Also, don’t you have class soon?”

“Fuck. I do. I’ll get a pregnancy test later.”

“Cool, see you later.”

You really didn’t think you’d be pregnant. You were careful, for the last four years, and you were very sexually active. Mina had a point though, you were under a lot of stress with graduation, but you had to be sure. Thankfully instead of buying one you remember the boys had given you some when they got you the pills. After classes you returned and used one of the tests, relieved to see it came out negative. So it really was just stress, and you were quite amazed it could do that to your body. Regardless, that was one less thing to worry about.

To a degree you did feel bad you couldn’t see the boys after spring break, it had been quite a trip considering it was the last, but your academics were important. They wished you luck with finals, and you were ready for the last major exams of your life. You waited anxiously for the results, overjoyed that you had passed, and you were going to graduate. You had to celebrate, doing so with your friends. It was only once things wound down that you called the boys wanting to share the news.

“So, how did it go?”

“I passed… I’m graduating!”

“I knew you could do it.” Jeno cheered. “Our baby is so smart.”

“We’ve got to celebrate.” Johnny added. “Shall we pick you up?”

“I’ve already been partying, and I’m kinda spent. Maybe tomorrow?”

“Nah, it’s okay, you should rest. Don’t drink so much, okay.”

“I haven’t had a drink, can’t risk becoming a drunk mess before I take the stage.”

“Can we take you shopping!” Yuta asked. “Get you a nice dress for graduation?”

“I’d love that actually. Perhaps the one thing you guys can get me that I’ll keep.”

“If we don’t rip it off you.”

“True. Tomorrow then, shopping day.”

“We can’t wait.”

Shopping wasn’t something to make a big deal out of, but how could you all not be excited. You’d be walking across the stage in the outfit you bought today, it had to be perfect. Not to mention the five guys buying it might wanna destroy it later, so you had to get good pictures first.

“We were thinking, after the ceremony, we’d take you out to dinner.”

“The last dinner.”

“Of course.” Ten smiled. “If that’s okay.”

“Yeah. It seems like a fitting end for us.”

“You better not cry.”

“I won’t.”

“Hm, guess we’ll see about that.”

The big day brought on a lot of nerves, you could barely sleep the night before. Although when the sun was up, you and Mina were already getting dolled up, and she loved your outfit.

“You look hot.”

“Thanks.”

“So you really can’t come with me for dinner.”

“I already promised the boys. It’s the last one. Besides, I wanna see what kind of graduation present they get me.”

“Oh, they’ll probably give you a lot of money. Maybe a house.”

“That’d be awesome.”

“You better tell me immediately.”

“I’m sure I won’t be able to keep it a secret from you, so don’t worry.”

Even if you looked stunning, it was mostly hidden by the gown. Still, you looked incredible and you couldn’t believe you had made it to the end. When you headed to the ceremony you looked around taking it all in. Even if you wanted your family there, you knew things had come up so they couldn’t attend. It’s why you were so happy to see the boys, knowing they were there for you. Although they did embarrass you a bit, Jeno and Yuta having a big congratulations sign, the others swinging around noise makers. Of course it dragged to wait for your name, but when it was your turn up on the stage you had the biggest smile, finding the boys in the crowd to show off too.

You had tears in your eyes, so happy that all your efforts hadn’t been in vain. The boys had made their way over to you, embracing you in their arms, congratulating you over and over again. They said your tears were cute, but they were very proud of you. They even had flowers and a graduation bear as a present for you. They wanted pictures too, so you did your best to get rid of the tears and fix your makeup. After celebrating with your other friends and seeing the ceremony to the end you headed off to eat. You weren’t really hungry from all the adrenaline, but it was your last meal with the guys, and a very important one at that.

“You looked so beautiful up there.” Johnny complimented. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you. I’m glad you could be there.”

“Us too.”

“So, what did you get me?”

“After you eat.” Ten said. “So be a good girl and have your fill.”

“I’ll burn a hole in your wallet tonight. Just watch.”

“I’d love to see you try.”

There was something so peaceful about this meal, and exciting. They all asked about your plans going forward, what you wanted to do. Of course this was where you’d part ways, but you knew there was always a chance you’d run into each other again. Despite all the good things, you couldn’t help but wonder what your present was. After dessert they finally presented you with a little box. Now your heart was racing. It could be a key to a car or house, or maybe a card to a bank account they had made you. Still, you thanked them all and opened the box. Your smile faltered as you stared at the contents, dumbfounded.

“It’s… it’s a pregnancy test…”

“Surprise!”

“I… I don’t understand…”

“Well, you always talked about your future.” Jaehyun explained. “And how we weren’t a part of that. It really hurt, but you were right. So we figured we should include ourselves in your future.”

“I’m not… following…”

“You’re late, aren’t you?”

“Yes, but I took a pregnancy test already. It came out negative. The stress-”

“The one I gave you was fake.” Ten said. “It’s meant to come out negative.”

“What… what are you…”

“The best way to become a part of your future is for you to have our kid.” Yuta stated. “Of course we’re probably not gonna know which of us is the biological father, unless you had like quintuplets, but we can raise it together.”

“What…”

“Of course we’ll cover all the expenses.” Johnny assured. “So you don’t have to worry about food, or a roof over your head, nothing. We’re gonna be a big happy family now.”

“You’re… you’re lying… you… I’m on the pill!”

“Those were also fake.” Jeno added. “A placebo thing, right? Like sugar.”

“You planned this!”

“How else were we gonna be part of your future?”

“Truth is we always imagined a future with you.” Ten admitted. “After about a year, we realized how great you were, how perfect you were for us. So when you suddenly broke it off, we couldn’t believe it, but you were also right. We never really let you know we wanted you, so that’s on us, but we’ve rectified that now.”

“You’re fucken lying!” You stood up. “You did not get me fucken pregnant!”

“Shall we go confirm that?”

You were furious, and you hated that they were throwing this idea out so casually. You took the pregnancy test and stormed off to the bathroom. They had rented out the whole restaurant, so you didn’t have to worry about anyone else. You nervously used the test, scared to look at the results, but they were clear as day.

“Positive…”

“Congratulations!!!”

The boys had followed you to the bathroom, cheering and letting off confetti poppers. You stayed frozen in shock, trying to process this.

“It’s wrong… the test…”

“You can try again.” Jaehyun threw more pregnancy tests on the floor. “Better to use more than one anyway.”

“You… you…”

“Even if there wasn’t a baby inside you right now.” Yuta explained. “We’d have plenty of time to impregnate you now that you’ve graduated.”

“No… no you’re all fucken nuts…”

You threw the test in the trash and intended to leave, only for Johnny to grab your arm, holding you back. Jeno was all over your belly, grabbing it and making baby noises.

“Easy now, baby. Now that you’re carrying our kid, we gotta take special care of you.”

“I am not having this baby!”

“That’s not up for debate.”

“It’s my body! And you fucken-”

“You think you can just play with us for four years?!” Jaehyun grabbed your chin, making you face him. “Four years, baby doll. That’s a lot of time to fall in love with a beautiful body and the girl that inhabits it. We weren’t playing, and we’re not gonna let you either. Your future is ours.”

“Fuck you! I didn’t consent to this! I’m not-” Jaehyun’s grip got tighter. “Let go…”

“You gotta be careful baby, don’t want you hurting yourself or the kid. We have a nice place picked out where we can look after you.”

“Let go!”

“Listen closely, darling.” Ten had Jaehyun let you go, stepping before you. “If anything happens to that baby, you are going to pay dearly for it. And don’t get any silly ideas in your head, you’re still young and very fertile, we have no problem tying you up and breeding you every night if something happens. So be a good girl, and smile, you’re gonna be a mother.”

“You’re crazy!”

“And you’re very hormonal, must be the baby. We should get you home.”

“No, no! Fucken let me go!”

“I can’t wait for the pregnant waddle.” Jeno cheered. “You’re gonna get so big!”

“I wonder if it’ll be a boy or girl.” Yuta said. “Maybe there’s more than one in there!”

“That’d be so cool.”

“We’re gonna be dads!”

“I can’t wait!”

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