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nickyhemmick · 3 years

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A Very Stressed American Jew here again,

Hi! Thank you for taking the time to respond to my ask and yes, I’m someone who loves hearing as many perspectives as possible so I’d love some sources from you. I also very much appreciate the fact you are being very careful to only reblog posts that are anti Israel, not antisemetic (which is frankly a breath of fresh air, the internet has been a bit exhaustingly full of both antisemitic & Islamaphobic content these past feel days as I bet you’ve seen)

I’ve also been to Israel on a Birthright trip. We met people who ( both Palestinian and Israeli) on various sides of the conflict and learned a ton about it, from both perspectives which I was lucky to have the opportunity to do. We even went a little into the Gaza Strip to talk to these people running a pro Palestine peace movement and it was so important to me hearing those stories.

I never said they were on equal footing militarily, they definitely are not, Israel definitely has that advantage. But you are incorrect about Israel always being the aggressor since 1948,they’ve defended themselves about as often as they’ve attacked. Isreal is a small country comparatively to the ones surrounding it, so it makes sense it defends itself heavily in case of an attack.

I 100% agree that there are too many people who are compliant with the mistreatment of many Palestinians! I’m not anti #freepalestine at all! I get why that is a thing. But I also stand with Israel( but that does not mean I condone every action they take. ) Overall I think the situation is extremely complicated and some sort of compromise should be reached.

It’s just been very frustrating to see so many people reblog things on a situation just bashing Israel because so many others are doing it. Especially when then don’t know what they are talking about or using big buzz words that they don’t know what they mean, or spreading misinformation. It’s been on both sides and has been very very draining. I just want peace and some sort of solution. It makes me extremely happy you know what you are talking about and can debate politely yet happily about it. The internet has been so ‘ either agree with me 100% or you a bad person’ about this so it’s refreshing to see you are not like that.

I’ve done a lot of research into it from as many perspectives as I can get my hands on.

Some extremest Israelis are hurting Palestinians

Some extremest Palestinians are hurting Israelis

Both sides are throwing rockets at each other and it’s terrifying.

Both sides claim the other side is brainwashed

There is so much biased propaganda out there on both ends it’s hard to know what is truly happening.

I know people living in Israel who have sent me videos they’ve taken of rockets flying over there heads and I’m so scared for them. I’m so scared for all the innocent people caught in the crossfire on both sides.

Thank you for a more nuanced response and I’d love some of your sources,

A Very Stressed American Jew

Hi anon,

I wasn’t going to respond to this until after my math final tomorrow but I’ve spent the past two days thinking of your ask and the things I wish to articulate in my answer.

I am going to start here: how can you say you support Israel but say you are also pro-free Palestine (as in, you said you are not anti free Palestine). In my opinion, these two ideas cannot coexist. Simply because, the entire establishment of Israel has been on violent, racist, colonial grounds.

(Super long post under here guys)

You said you don’t support all Israel’s actions, and definitely, just because you support something doesn’t mean you can’t criticize it. However, in my opinion, if you do not support Israel’s actions against Palestinians there’s not much left to support? I admit this is a very biased view as I am Palestinian, but many things that people support about Israel have existed before its creation: as in, these are things and qualities that have existed in Judaism and are not due to “Israeli culture.” There is no Israeli culture. There’s Jewish culture--100%. But there is no Israeli culture, because Israel does not only steal Palestinian land, but Palestinian culture, too. Such as claiming Levant food is Israeli; hummus, ful, falafel, shawarma. I mentioned food from this article I know is culturally and traditionally of the Levant, and has been for centuries, it is not something that has come to culinary creation in the past 73 years.

I do not think this is a complicated issue. I said that in the previous ask and I’ll say that again. Saying it is a complicated issue is trivializing the deaths of innocent Palestinians, the violent dispossession our ancestors endured, and the apartheid they live under. I hope if anything comes from this discussion it is you removing the “it’s a complicated issue” phrase from your vernacular.

This is not complicated. A journalist reporting the death of martyrs only to discover that of them include two of his brothers is not complicated. The asymmetry of Israel vs Palestinian armed forces is not complicated, nor is the asymmetry in Israeli vs Palestinian suffering (which I will get to later). It is not complicated. Destroying the graves of martyred Palestinians (or just in general, the graves of the dead) is not complicated. Little children being pulled from the rubble, children being forced to comfort one another as they are covered in the ashes of their decimated homes, attacking unarmed citizens in peaceful demonstrations (you can find videos before this attack where they were playing with kites and balloons), destroying an international media office and refusing to allow journalists to retrieve the work they are spending every waking hour documenting but claiming it was because it was a hide out for a “Hamas base,” fathers who are trying to cheer their frightened children up only to end up dead the next day, while many Israeli have the privilege and the option to go to hotel-like bomb shelters is not complicated.

This brings me to my next point: the suffering of Palestinians cannot be compared to the inconvenience of Israeli’s. On one side, you have children who are happy to have saved their fish in the face of their homes and lives being decimated behind them to Israeli’s in Tel Aviv having to cut their beach day short to get to bomb shelters. You have mothers and fathers ready to set their lives down for their children to save them from bombs to Israeli’s enjoying their brunch only after making sure there are bomb shelters there. You have Palestinian children being murdered to blocking out the sound of sirens in the safety of your bomb shelters. (The first picture of the Palestinian child is not from footage of the recent problems). You have the baby lone survivor of a whole family recovered from rubble. His whole family, gone, before he ever had the chance to realize that he even exists, while Israeli’s decide to flee out of the country,(Translate the caption from Twitter, it checks out), or have to leave the shower due to sirens. Who is really suffering?

I won’t sit here and pretend like the thought of rockets flying over my head, no matter which side I am on, is not terrifying. It is. It’s scary to just think about. But Israeli’s have protection beyond Palestinian’s, they have sirens to warn them (Israel does not always warn Palestinian building members that it is about to be bombed), they have the Iron Dome, they have simply the threat of nuclear power (which I am not saying Israel would use, but the simple fact they have it would make me feel a lot better if I were an Israeli citizen) and they have bomb shelters. What do Palestinians have? Hamas? That smuggles its weapons through the ocean? That only ever reacts to the action Israel instigates? And yet Gazans are branded terrorists and that it is their fault that they “elected” a terrorist organization that only was ever created due to no protection from any armed country? (There are so many links I want to add in this paragraph but it is simply impossible for me to add everything I want, a lot of what I’m referring to can either be found through a Google search, or you can stalk my Twitter account, all that I am posting now is about Palestine, and will include sources of things I cannot add in just this one post.)

Look, I see myself in the genocide happening in Palestine right now. I see myself in this ten year-old girl. In this three year old girl. I see me and my family in videos of cars being attacked in Ramallah and Sheikh Jarrah (I cannot find the Ramallah video, should be somewhere on my Twitter), I see my father in the countless videos of fathers crying out for their children, of kissing the corpse of their loved ones (again, translate the Tweet, the man holding the body is saying “just one kiss”). I see my grandfather in videos like this (old footage). I see my younger brother, I see my grandmother, my mother, my aunts and uncles and cousins. I see myself and my life and my family were my father not lucky enough to get a scholarship to the UK and out of Palestine, were my maternal grandfather not been lucky enough to make it to a refugee camp and build a life in Jordan. I have an unbelievable amount of privilege to be born into the life I was born in to, in terms of I do not have the threat of bombs and violent dispossession around me, and I do not even live in the US. I have privilege and sheer luck that my parents were able to go to the US so that me and my brothers can be born, because now I have both the protection of the most powerful country in the world while at the same time being part of a people to have suffered so generously the past seventy-three years.

On the other hand, you saying that Israel has “defended themselves about as often as they’ve attacked. Israel is a small country comparatively to the ones surrounding it, so it makes sense it defends itself heavily in case of an attack,” I offer you this question: why are they using military grade guns and stun grenades in mosques to “defend” themselves from rocks? And before you mention that Hamas hit Tel Aviv, I remind you that Hamas did that due to the violence in the Al-Aqsa mosque square and the attempted ethnic cleansing in Sheikh Jarrah. The violence didn’t begin with us; the violence was brought out of Palestinians in resistance to the generations of oppression we have endured and the attack on Palestinian Muslims during the holiest night of Ramadan. Hamas has since asked for a ceasefire multiple times and Israel is refusing. New reports say there is a possibility of a ceasefire in the coming days, but Israel could have decided this a long time ago and spared many lives. (Remember, no matter what resistance we make, Israel is the one in power).

Israel has been the aggressor since 1948. Just read up about the Nakba! 700k Palestinian families were dispossessed violently. The only reason Israel was established at all was because it simply declared it was now a country and the US and many other countries recognized it as such. (Of course, there are many other historical details here, like the British Mandate of Palestine, the Balfour Declaration, the Oslo Accords and many others. I am aware of them but these are for a different post all together). My paternal grandfather was a little younger than me when Israel as a state was created. The hostility that followed was due to this independent declaration being listened to over Palestinian voices.

Here is a very, very simplified analogy, one that can also answer some people’s questions as to why Palestinians (not Arabs, we are Palestinian before we are Arab) did not like what happened in 1948 and why they refused a two-state solution (that Israel was never going to go through with anyway). (I am also aware other Arab nations got involved, and that is perhaps what you mean when you said they had to defend themselves, but my response to that would still be we didn't start it, that we only responded to it).

Let’s say you are a farmer. You have many fields of trees, ones you have taken shelter under from the sun since you were a child, or hid behind when you wanted to avoid your parents when you misbehaved. You have seen your trees grow from a seed, to a sprout, to a flower, to a large, beautiful tree with fruits the size of a fist. You pluck the fruits from one tree, and make a jam from it. I don’t know how to make jam but I know it takes a lot of energy. So, you make this jam and from it, produce a lovely, mouth-watering pie. Once it has cooled from the oven, you take it with you outside your balcony just so that you can admire the years, months, weeks and hours this one pie has taken to be created. Suddenly, a stranger walks past and yells to you, “That pie looks delicious, I want it!” And you, shocked at their boldness but ready to share, say, “I will give you a bite.” But the stranger says, “No! I do not want a bite or a slice or whatever you want to offer me, I want the pie!” And they grab it from you. You and the stranger start screaming at one another about who the pie is for, who is allowed to decide what happens to it, and who you can share it with. Then, another stranger comes by and says, “Why all the problems? Let’s cut the pie in half and the both of you can share it!” But why should you, who has spent years cultivating the fruit and grain inside this pie, share it? Why should you give up half of the 100% that you already owned? Of what you already had? So you disagree, and now a crowd has formed around you. “What’s the problem?” someone in the crowd calls. “They don’t want to share their pie!” another voice says. Then you become branded a selfish, mean bastard. Again, this is a super simplified analogy, so don’t take it too seriously, but I am trying to show you why Israel is the aggressor.

In addition, I do not know too much about the Birthright program, just that American Jewish people are sent to Israel, all expenses paid. I tried my best to find the Twitter thread but I read it so long ago, about an American Jewish person who went on their trip and they talked about the propaganda that they were exposed to on that trip. I can’t say for sure that it is true, because I haven’t been on it and never will, but that is the first thing I thought of when you mentioned your Birthright trip. Either way, I think it is still great you went and saw the country. However, I must ask you this: are the people you met ones you, yourself, sought out, or ones you were organized to meet?

Now, I haven’t been to Gaza, so I don’t know what you really saw or didn’t, but did you speak to Palestinians who lost their homes to airstrikes? Did you speak to siblings, parents or children of loved ones who had been lost beneath the rubble of buildings and towers? Outside of Gaza, did you speak to Palestinians that live in poor quarters? Ones who have been victims of an IDF soldier shooting them, or who have family members who have died from such attacks? Did they take you guys to Ramallah, to Nablus, to Beit-Imreen, to Jenin, to small villages in the West Bank, far away from Jerusalem and Tel Aviv? Did you speak to people there? Ask them their stories? Because if you did I have a very hard time believing you still think Israel is “defending” itself.

I’ve been to Jerusalem, many times, even Tel Aviv and Jaffa and Haifa. All the times I visited Dome of the Rock there were IDF soldiers with huge guns strapped to their person, standing menacingly outside the courtyard. For what? Genuinely, genuinely for what? It is nothing but an intimidation tactic. The same way we are not allowed in through the airport. If you could see the struggle some Palestinians actually go through just to get into Palestine, through the land border, you would be disgusted. I love Palestine, it is my ancestry land, it is my culture and tradition. But I always hated going to visit because I knew the way to getting there would be hell.

My father worked in Tel Aviv through the first Intifada. My maternal grandfather was forced out of his home in the Nakba and was forced to leave behind his belongings and the orange trees that have been in his family for generations. Hell, the town they lived in was destroyed! It doesn’t exist anymore except in the memories of my aunts and uncles, who never even saw it, but just heard of it from their father!

I’m not saying there aren’t Palestinians who are racist and anti-Semitic (though, tbh, I will direct you here for that) and who support Hamas in killing Israeli’s, but talking about how there are many “extremist” Palestinians who are hurting Israeli’s and in the next line say there are extremist Israeli’s who are hurting Palestinians is not correct. There are extremist Israeli’s killing, lynching, stealing the houses of Palestinians, and there are Palestinians who are fed up and fighting back. (I am not talking about Hamas vs the IDF here, I am talking about the citizens). I have not seen one reported death of an Israeli due to Palestinian violence (if you have, from a trusted source, send it to me), but I have seen countless of the other way around. I have seen images of charred little bodies, of a baby being dug out of the rubble, of a child’s body that had been so mutilated that you can literally see the insides of their body coming out. (I don’t know if it’s on my Twitter, I didn’t want to save that shit). If this was my country I would be absolutely ashamed of myself and my people and what they are doing in the name of my protection. So you have to forgive me, and forgive other Palestinians, who don’t give a fuck about Israeli’s having anxiety over rockets flying over their heads when we see these images. Where is the protection of our kids? Why does no one seem to mention them except when mentioning the poor, innocent ones in Israel? At least more than the majority of them have their parents to comfort and rock them. At least many of them will probably be saved of ever having to be beneath the rubble of a destroyed building, or digging in it, to hope to find the parts of their parents or siblings just so that they can bury them. Just the links from the start of my answer is enough to support what I am saying.

I have soooo much more I can say, like how Israel uses religion to distort the image of what’s going on (tbh, just check my Twitter for that: language is EVERYTHING), but you didn’t mention religion in any of this and so I won’t either. The only reason I decided to respond to you in such length was because you have been one of the few respectful anons in my inbox in the past few years of me being on here talking about Israel, so I appreciate that from you.

As promised, some more sources: decolonizepalestine is a good place to start if you haven’t used it already, it has reading materials, myth busting, and more. Here is a map list of destroyed localities from pre-1948 until 2017, run by two anti-Zionist Israelis. Here and here are the articles I promised of a former IDF soldier-turned Palestinian activist, I read these two last year in June and remember coming out much more informed than before I read them. I suggest looking into the writer and his organization, which, if I remember correctly, collects accounts from previous IDF soldiers. I would suggest not to follow Israel and the IDF accounts on any platform, or any Israel times newspaper, simply because they will not tell you the truth. In fairness, you do not have to follow any Palestinian Authority accounts (which I am not even sure there are), but to follow on-ground Palestinians like Mohammed El-Kurd, who has been speaking out since he was 12 (he is now 22) and he is part of the families in Sheikh Jarrah. I have noticed that this and this account have been translating Arabic headlines and tweets for non-Arabic speakers, I have just started following this person but their bio says they are a Palestinian Jewish person so I am interested in their view of things. You can also follow Israeli’s on-ground and see their perspective on things, but I would also advise to compare the Palestinian and Israeli side of things from the people, and critically analyze the language used in each case. Also, this article references Jewish scholars opposed to the occupation (I have not looked into them myself but I plan to after my exams), and Norman Finklestein is another great Jewish scholar to look into if you haven’t. Twitter is better than Instagram and Facebook, so I would stick to getting live-info from there, Twitter does not censor Palestinian content as much as Insta and Facebook so you’re more likely to see things there.

I will end this by saying I personally do not see any other option for peace than to give Palestinians our land back. Whether we may be Muslim, Jewish or Christian, it has always been and will always be our land. I only hope to see it free in my lifetime.

Free Palestine.

#palestine #israel #west bank #tala gets asks #anon #whew this ask took me like 2-3 hours to respond to #pls read it even if ure not the anon #lots of good links and info #palestine tag #anon there are more reading lists in my #to read #and palestine tag tags #check my likes on twitter too if u decide btw not just what i retweet #like also: imagine palestinians around palestine and the world who are simply waiting to hear if their relatives are dead or alive or #have been striked from a rocket. like i can see my father worried abt his friend in gaza rn like any day #now he can just never hear back from him and have to guess hes dead somewhere beneath the rubble #and israelis are anxious at the rocket sounds? good for them but again that shows the asymmetry in #palestinian vs israeli suffering #and by ‘good for them’ i mean good that thats what theyre worried abt compared to palestinians #my aunt is in sheikh jarrah #my cousin lives right by the al aqsa square #again theres so much more i couldve mentioned and talked abt but theres just so much #theres so many LAYERS i wld say but not that its complicated #and definitely theres more i need to learn and read and watch dont get me wrong! i am not a fountain of knowledge by all means!!!!

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silverkoushi · 3 years

Text

haikyuu!! headcanons

⇢ scenario: how you’d spend the holidays with them!! pt.2 | read pt. 1 here! ⇢ feat. : tsukki (karasuno), bokuto (fukurodani) & kuroo (nekoma) x gn!reader ⇢ wc & warnings: 3.3k, slightly suggestive for kuroo

ʕ·ᴥ·ʔ not @ me having the phattest crush on kuroo as you can probably tell here... dear god that man is something edit: omo for some reason the paragraphs got messed up n i just checked it after hours of posting... i fixed it now so hopefully it makes more sense ahh my apologies!! ><

tsukishima kei

୨୧ ˻˳˯ₑ*॰¨̮ idk about you but i think tsukki secretly enjoys the holidays? like he’d think the music is overbearing, the movies are disgustingly cliche, and the amount of people gathering in places is one of his worst nightmares— those aren’t the things that he looks forward to. i think tsukki loves winter, maybe because i see him as a softie who collects sweaters, hoodies, and sweatpants that keep him comfy and cozy during cold nights and chilly mornings! WITH THAT BEING SAID, tsukki dies inside when he sees you wearing any of those following outfits of his. he might get annoyed at first that you don’t ask because he was planning on wearing them that day, but when you show up at his dorm clad in his night blue sweater with a little moon stitched on the side, there are no words coming out of his mouth. he will try to look menacing, eyes in a deadpan expression but you know he’s lying, and just stare at him with a doe-like face and put his hands in yours, swinging it back and forth as you drag him out of his room and into the snowy field. you don’t even think twice about getting matching sweaters because the boy will hate you for the rest of his life, but at least you got him to wear a reindeer headband for 2 seconds in the photobooth!! most of the time, you basically just bring him to anywhere you want to go. you guys look at the humongous christmas tree they placed in the center of the plaza, and you ask someone walking by if you can get a picture of the two of you in front of him. this way, tsukki can’t complain and will be semi-forced to pose with you hehe. you thought he’d just be standing there, arms to his side with a nonchalant expression but you actually feel him put his arm around your waist and lean his head down on top of yours.

you can’t help the cheeky smile show on your face as you tiptoe just enough to reach his cheek, and once the guy said, “ok one more!” you steal a kiss on the side of tsukki’s small smile. “hey, what was—” “thanks, mister!! happy holidays!!” you avoid his stare, and get your phone back from the guy as you scroll through the pics he took (thank god only a few were blurry). tsukki keeps glaring at you, and you understand he’s not big into pda but uh, he started it with holding you close to him like that >:( “what?? you look so cute here, though!!” you whine to him, hoping he doesn’t ask that you delete it :( tsukki gives it a once over, a warm feeling creeping on his cheeks as he studies the picture: damn, is he whipped for you. he dismisses the overreaction on his part (for once), and takes your hand in his once more, asking where it is you wanted to go next. you’re surprised he left it like that, but you’re taking advantage of this situation and drag him to more festive stuff around the plaza <3

with your parents spending the holidays abroad and working overtime, tsukki’s mom invited you to their place instead and you’re!! more than happy and oh so grateful!! tsukki doesn’t show it but he’s actually extremely nervous,, what if you don’t like his family?? what if his brother is too annoying for you, what if this isn’t the kind of in-laws you were expecting— wait, he’s thinking too far ahead and you’re looking at him with raised eyebrows. quick! he turns away from your gaze, biting his lip at getting caught with his overthinking. “tsukki, you okay?” you ask gently, looping your arm around his as you guys near his house. “yeah…” he responds lamely, and you’re not sure if he wanted you at his house for the holidays or what… but you shake the negativity away and tell yourself that this is an opportunity to show your own personality to his family!! you’re greeted by a boisterous even taller guy at the door, and his also really tall mom waving at you from the kitchen, finishing up the grand dinner. “mom and i thought you were just pretending about your relationship, tsukki~” akiteru nudges him, and you chuckle at your boyfriend’s helpless look on his face, as if telling you this is what i dealt with during my childhood. but the holiday celebration with his family went super smooth!! his mom cooked amazing homemade dishes, and tsukki was actually smiling and laughing along the poor jokes akiteru made, it was so endearing to watch. you asked to help with the clean up as tsukki and his brother play volleyball outside in the cold.

“i’m so glad he has you,” his mom comforts you, and you nod your head in thanks while you wipe the plates clean. “i’ve never seen him so… cheerful like this, you know?” what a heartwarming thing to say :(( and yet you thought he was just finally letting loose because he’s at home!! his mom turns in early that eve of christmas, and his brother goes out to have a nightly beer sesh with his hometown friends before christmas morning tomorrow. you and tsukki are left alone in his room as you marvel at the many dinosaur related merch, posters, and even stuffies he has in his childhood room!! “don’t say it,” he threatens you lightly, even though you’ve been well-aware of his fascination for the species. a little tired from the trip earlier and ngl you’re both full from the food, you lay down on the floor, pillows supporting your sleepy heads as tsukki shares the other side of his earphones. you listen to calming, lofi music for the night and at some point, he finds your fingers in his again. “thank you for having me, tsukki,” you whisper with a yawn, remembering the night days ago where you cried into his shoulder about missing your own family during this season. tsukki doesn’t respond as he hears your light snoring, and instead turns his body towards you as he caresses the side of your face, smiling at the beauty before him. “you’re always welcome here, dummy. you’ll always have me.”

bokuto koutarou

୨୧ ˻˳˯ₑ*॰¨̮ oof!! so many holiday parties!! gift giving exchanges!! dancing and singing, drinking and having the time of your lives! of course, bokuto asks first and foremost if you’re okay going to all of these celebrations with him as he has gathered a lot of friends from different majors, clubs, and such. you didn’t expect to come with him to all of them, tbh, but since he seems so excited to bring you along you found yourself nodding along! OOPS, what a wild ride it was to meet friends you didn’t even know he had. first, bokuto asked you to help him find some gifts for the exchange parties and you comply— you love thinking up presents for diff kinds of people! “would akaashi want this?” he points at a set of compression socks for sports “you’d want that more, bo” “oh oh!! how about this for kuroo?!” he leads you to the beauty section, hairspray littering the aisle “i think that’s more of an insult than a gift…” he’ll pout at his failure to think of the best gifts for his friends, but you cling to him with your linked arms and tell him not to worry— you kinda figured the kind of people his best friends are, so you suggest things off the bat: film roll for akaashi the photography minor, a mug with a pun-ny chem joke for kuroo, and a new case for kenma’s switch lite!! “wah! you know them better than i do,” he exclaims, eyes shining in excitement as you bring the gifts and other extra stuff to his apartment to help him wrap them. with this, bokuto came up with an idea to wrap the presents in the most creative way possible, and you just stare at him in awe as he tries to disguise the mug as.. a gingerbread man?? you don’t even know how he did it! as you tape up the finishing touches with the others, you eye a small gift wrapped box on the island counter along with a card next to it, all glittery and a name scribbled on top that you can’t make out where you were seated.

“hey, bo, who’s that for?” you point at the suspecting box, and almost immediately bokuto body slams you on the ground, obstructing your view of the gift. “bokuto i can’t breathe—” you wheeze, laughing at the way he scrambles to get up from the position but his feet slips against the unused wrapping paper on the floor. “sorry, sorry i just— STOP LOOKING” he pleads, caging you with his arms either side your figure. the both of you pause, realizing the predicament you’re in until bokuto unleashes a sly smirk, eyes pointed at you with a mischievous glint. you know that look, so you start wiggling out of his way until he plops down on you again (mind you, he’s MANY inches taller than you and his built...whew, but that’s part of the problem right now!!) and blows raspberries on your neck, the audacity!! “tell me,” he whispers against your ear after a while, voice suddenly low in tone and your senses perk up. “have you been naughty or nice recently?” he continues hoarsely, and it doesn’t take long until you burst out laughing at his attempt of being flirty right now. he finally releases you, feigns hurt from your reaction but he knows what a goofball he is.

anyway, you put all the gifts in the car and head to the many parties he was invited to!! and honestly, you enjoyed yourself albeit it got really tiring to show up with much enthusiasm compared to the last. but bokuto on the other hand never runs out of energy for some reason!! he’s still winning the games, singing his heart out with his friends, and trying all the foods in the potluck, even shamelessly!! feeding you too! it’s embarrassing >< but in a way your heart swells with the thought of bokuto being very openly proud of his relationship with you, and how his friends seem to like you as well! pictures were taken, holiday spirits and gifts were exchanged and finally, he’s free for the night <3 you’ve been waiting for the right moment to give him your personal gift to your boyf (it’s an edited picture of the two of you at one of his winning games!! you can’t draw for sht but you are the best at adding lil stickers and cute petnames all around the photo hehe) you had it inserted in a picture frame too so the gift was relatively medium sized and rectangular. when you crash at his place, you ready yourself to give it to him, having second thoughts with how corny it must seem like… as you psych yourself up on the couch, you feel his arms suddenly wrap themselves around you as he starts peppering your neck with lazy kisses. your chest tightens, eyes closed at the warmth of his lips on your skin but— you can’t get distracted!! “bo, i have something for you—” “i saved the best gift for last—” o, you say it at the same time and so you look at each other with blank stares, and then laugh at your awkwardness!!

he lets you go first, your nerves slowly dissipating at the excited gleam in his irises, he’s so cute!! as he unwraps it, he hitches a breath, looks at you then the picture and you again and— let’s say your face was just full on bokuto territory only ;-) as much as you were enjoying his attention all on you, his gift wasn’t opened yet!! bokuto went from confident to shy mode again, hiding his face with only one eye peeking out to watch you…. for some reason, since it was a tiny box you blurted out, “don’t tell me it’s a ring, bo.” as a joke but bokuto suddenly freezes at your words. and you had to stop unboxing to make sure he doesn’t go all pale on you, but also??? was he really???? GOING TO???-- “DID YOU WANT ME TO GET YOU A RING?? I CAN RETURN THE EARRINGS TODAY, I THINK I STILL HAVE THE RECEIPT—” “bo, it’s okay!!! omg no T_T” you take his hands off his face to look at him lovingly, a kiss on his pouty lips as you reassure him his presence is all that you can ever want, but whatever it was he gave you, you’ll cherish just the same!! so finally, once you take the lid off the box you see an adorable pair of owl earrings!! it’s so cute and it reminds you of him and thats probably why he got that for you :’)))) “i also wrote you a letter but please read it when i’m asleep or something…” aww shy bokuto!! >< you never thought you’d see the day :’)

kuroo tetsurou

୨୧ ˻˳˯ₑ*॰¨̮ man.. i just know this guy wouldn’t want to let leave… the bed… with him… on christmas day. imagine something like having to stay until he can for his duties at work which ended up til late christmas eve :( you were looking forward to spending time with him back at his hometown since you don’t necessarily celebrate the specific holiday, but being with tetsurou for almost a year now and knowing he does— you wanted it to be special and memorable for him! he felt really bad making you stay at his apartment until he finishes up work, really zooming through all the documents and stuff he needed to complete just so he can spend at least a few hours of christmas eve with you. when he got home, his heart dropped to his stomach at the sight of you falling asleep on the couch, right next to the lit up christmas tree you two decorated a week ago (thats how busy he has been! you opted to fix the tree yourself, but tetsu insisted on doing it together since it’s your first holiday with him!). your favorite blanket was wrapped around you but your feet were dangling midway with no socks on and he just >:( had to carry you to bed and tuck you in— all of you!!

he changes to a sweater and pjs before readying himself to carry you against his chest. his own body is exhausted from working non-stop, but he doesn’t let it get to him as he passes by the hallway and plops you gently on your side of the bed. you stir groggily, eyes refusing to open but you notice your surroundings are different. the room is dimly lit but the figure walking around the place isn’t amiss; with his hair sticking up and his wide shoulders, you know it’s your tired boyfriend finally home for the holidays. you smile, still sleep-induced but you try to reach over for him. “tetsu… come to bed, please,” you mumble but he hears you, and his back is against you but he smiles at your half-awake tone. “i’ll be right there,” he lets you know softly, and true to his word you feel the dip in the mattress with his warmth slowly exuding onto your own body, his hands easily finding themselves over you. you wiggle into his grasp, head against his chest and hands holding onto his waist. he feels warm, he feels like home, and you press a kiss where his neck meets his collarbones. “mm, merry christm…” you mutter, losing consciousness but he doesn’t mind. he lets you snore your way into dreamland, watching your eyelashes tickle the surface of your skin, lips partly open as you breathe in and out. suddenly, his tense muscles relax with your presence oh so close to you, and he sleeps soundly after a few minutes of admiring your face.

as the sunlight filters thru the windows, kuroo wakes up first but knowing it’s his day off (finally), he relaxes into the bed and just observes the tiny details of your face, same as the night before but with some of the brightly shining rays of the sun hitting the right spots— you’re breathtaking to him. he feels you stir in his embrace so he pretends to snore because he knows you like to get up as soon as you feel awake. “tetsu…” you mumble, popping out your head from his grasp to peer your eyes at him pretending to not hear you. “you’re a lousy liar, i know you’re up,” you tell him, rubbing your nose against him as a form of an eskimo kiss. it takes so much out of his restraint to bite his lip in pure love for you, so he gives in and kisses you on the lips.

you are taken aback for a split second until you comply to his request, and you spend your first christmas morning with him in bed just like that <3 he still asks if you guys can spend the whole day just tangled into each other’s embrace but you lecture him playfully, knowing that he had a christmas party to attend to in the afternoon with his closest friends (bokuto, akaashi, kenma, and others) and you have a lovely dinner planned in the evening. he wiggles his eyebrows, fingertips tracing the exposed skin on your chest, “what if we skip all of that and i just have you for dinner instead?” “KUROO TETSUROU IT IS TOO EARLY FOR YOU TO SAY THAT RIGHT NOW—” you swear to god, it is his teasing and malicious intent that will kill you one day. but the blush on your face doesn’t go unnoticed, and yet kuroo complies with your light nagging, getting up and getting ready for the day. you’re happy that he finally has the day off, and being with his friends during the party truly lightened up his mood. afterwards, he then asks where you got a reservation during the busiest time of the year, and you just winked at him and zipped your mouth.

since you ate a bit at the party, you knew you had some time to finish prepping the food you had prepared the night before, it all just needed to bake or be cooked on the pan. and bec of his exhaustion last night, he didn’t even open the fridge at all so there were zero suspicious at your surprise dinner. urging him to take a long, hot bath, he drags you with him. “you seriously want me to take a bath by myself?” he says in shock horror, and normally you would join him hah but you tell him that your parents are calling, just wanting to say hello. a little sad, kuroo nods in understanding and so he goes about his way while you cook the food with haste. he likes to take his time in there but you know you won’t finish beforehand, so once he’s out of the bathroom, you immediately go right in front of him to hide the view of the kitchen. you played yourself, seeing kuroo only in his bathrobe with his chest exposed, you slap him right at the center to ignore the sensation in the pit of your stomach. “what?? what’d i do???” “existing right in front of me like that!!” kuroo laughs at your embarrassment, but kisses you on the forehead nonetheless. he ignores the obvious smell of pasta and chicken in the apartment, ignores the messy apron you forgot to take off because he thinks you really wanted to surprise him. so he goes to the room to change, thinking about how lucky he is to have you in his life. the rest of the night ends up with the both of you having a romantic dinner in the dining room, talking about everything you already know about each other—but it never feels repetitive. he always feels so renewed with you, falling in love every day.

#haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu au #tsukishima kei imagines #tsukishima kei scenarios #kuroo tetsuro imagines #kuroo tetsuro scenarios #bokuto imagines #bokuto scenarios #tsukishima au #bokuto au #kuroo tetsuro au #haikyuu headcanons #tsukki:hc #bokuto:hc #kuroo:hc #hqf.jiae

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miraithislife · 4 years

Text

Miraith Part 2 <3

(gonna make some edits but this is what I have so far <3)

It had been hours since Wraith phased away.

Mirage had gone back to his room to grab a coat and something to eat before heading back out to look for her again. “Come on, Wraith. Where are you.” He said softly to himself as he put on and zipped up his coat, now starting to get a little worried. They’d had disputes before, but she usually turned up by now.

All I said was I wanted to see her smile...why did she get so upset and go off on me? Was it something I said? Well, duh, of course it was something you said that’s why she left...

Mirage sighed and left his room. He stuck his hands in his pockets and proceeded to the front door. Midway, he changed his mind, figuring he should make a quick stop by Wraith’s room.

Maybe she’s in here. He thought.

He knocked.

No answer.

He knocked a couple more times.

Still no answer.

“I would leave a note but I don’t have paper. Or a pen...or a pencil...” He called through the door in case she was in there. “So, uh. I was here...is that what people say?” He asked to himself as he walked down hall. “Maybe I should just give her some space.”

Wraith sat on the grass by the riverbank, which was starting to freeze over. She brought her knees up to her chest, rubbing her arms. She held her head in frustration and shook it vigorously in attempt to get the horrid voices and memories out of her head. She yelled in frustration, her eyes flaring and her body sparking with electricity.

“Hey--” Mirage said as he appeared next to her.

Wraith gasped and threw her knife, going right through him and into a tree.

Mirage faded away in a blue mist.

“You got BOOZLED!” Mirage laughed from behind her, leaning against a tree with his leg propped up on the other, his arms crossed. Amidst his laughing, reality set in. His laughing ceased. “Wait…” He stared at the tree that could’ve been him. “You...you could’ve killed me!”

“I knew that wasn’t you.” Wraith said as she walked over to her knife, removing and sheathing it.

I hope he didn’t see or hear me. She feared.

Still in utter shock, his mouth gaped open. He playfully scoffed in disbelief, “Are you sure about that, though?”

“What do you want, Mirage.” Wraith said, sitting back down on the log by the river.

Mirage took a seat on the log next to her. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to upset you. Was just messin’.”

Whew.

Wraith sighed, “I know. I’m sorry for going off on you. That was my fault.”

“Well, apology accepted and you are forgaven! Or is it forgaved? Or forgived…forsomething...anyways, it’s cool.” Mirage replied, playfully punching her on the shoulder.

Wraith’s body moved forward from the punch. She’d usually punch back and they’d playfully wrestle or fight, but she continued watching the river.

Mirage frowned.

Something is bothering her.

Mirage was right, but Wraith didn’t look to be in a talking mood. In attempt to lighten the mood, he stood and grabbed a pebble. “Bet you can’t skip farther than this.” He threw the pebble, and it dropped completely underwater. “Bet you can’t skip farther than this!” He attempted again, the pebble again failing to skip. “Or this!” He tried another time, the pebble again getting fully submerged in water.

“You’re terrible at skipping.” Wraith said.

Mirage waved a hand and sat back down, surrendering to the river. “Those pebbles were rigged.”

Wraith scoffed. “Sure.”

There was a small silence.

Mirage looked to Wraith’s hands, which, to his concern, were clasped and trembling. Though her hands shook, her body remained completely still. He unbuttoned his coat and draped it gently over her shoulders. “There ya go.” He let his arms linger around her shoulders just a little, reveling in the feeling of her in his arms before removing them.

She hastily removed the coat and gave it back to him. “This is yours.”

Mirage leaned way and shook his head, “No, take it. You’re freezing. Least a man can do is give a woman his coat.” He said, repeating his previous action. “Take it, please. For me.”

Wraith stared at him, not knowing what to do, how to respond, or what to think. She grabbed either side of his coat and pulled it around her more. She said, softly, “Thank you.”

“Here, let me help,” he said, helping her arms into the sleeves, which were adorably oversized, zipping up the coat, and pulling the hood over her head, or at least he tried to. “Hm. That bun’s gonna be a problem.” He reached for her bun, and Wraith pulled away.

Stop it. She thought to herself. It’s okay. It’s Mirage. He won’t hurt you. You’re safe.

Tentatively, and to Mirage’s surprise, Wraith leaned forward again. Not only did she lean forward, but she turned so he had a better angle from which he could undo her bun. Mirage, not wasting a second of this seemingly unreal dream, started to undo her bun. He took a slow, controlled breath to ease his racing heartbeat. Just the feeling of his fingers in her surprisingly dense, soft, wonderfully scented hair as it fell from her bun was enough to drive any man crazy.

Mirage knew to start off slow and be gentle. Once he’d finished undoing her bun, he let her hair cascade down her body. Her hair was surprisingly long and wavy, ending around the middle of her rib cage. He pulled the hood over her head. Gingerly, he placed his fingers under her chin to lift her face to meet his.

A breathless “Wow.” involuntarily escaped his lips. The darkness that the hood’s shadow bore on her face made her eyes sparkle and glow brighter than any star. Mirage was absolutely entranced by her eyes, whose sparkle shone through her bangs like full moons in a winter forest. They were mysterious. Bright. Beautiful.

Just like she was.

Slowly, he attempted a hand to her hair. But, before he followed through, he stopped. “May I?”

It’s okay.

Wraith, unable to break her gaze into his soft, innocent brown eyes, nodded.

His warm palm tenderly cupped her cheek, treating her with the respect and care that she so deserved. She could feel the roughness of his hands and the scars that characterized them, but something about his touch was soft and reassuring. His fingers combed through her raven black hair, sleek and smooth, like a raven’s feathers. She leaned into his palm, his thumb caressing her cheek. She slowly closed her eyes and let out a soft sigh of contentment as she let her body grow to trust him.

Gosh. Mirage thought. Her cheek is so soft, her eyes...just...amazing. And her hair down? Hell...why is she so perfect?

He proceeded to slowly and gingerly wrap her in his arms. With a conscious effort to relax, Wraith’s supple body surrendered to his protective embrace, letting his arms cloak her in the secure warmth she believed she would never feel. She was at peace. She could breathe. She could relax. She felt...safe.

It began to snow lightly.

“Come on, let’s go to my place. Don’t want you to catch a cold in this...cold.” Mirage said through a laugh. He stood and offered his hands, beckoning her to him. Wraith looked up at him, then to his hands, which patiently awaited their other halves. Once taking a deep breath, she gently slipped her hands into his, and he raised her up.

Their eyes locked again.

A soft blush touched Mirage’s cheeks. “By the way...you know, just for the record, you should smile a lot more. It looks good on you...and to be frank, it’s my favorite thing about you.”

Wraith laid her head on his chest, placing his arms around her, his arms obeying in a secure and endearing fashion. She closed her eyes and let out a content sigh as she breathed in his scent and nestled herself closer to his body. His warmth. His embrace.

For the first time in a while, Wraith smiled. “Maybe I will.”

Mirage softly laid his head on hers, pulling her hood back a little so he could brush his lips against and smell her hair. He didn’t need to see it. His heart felt her smile, and it smiled too.

#smile #love #mirageandwraith #miragexwraith #miraith #mirage #miraithislife #part2 #relationship #randomfluff #randomfluffs #fluff #wraith #hugs

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powerfultenderness · 4 years

Text

Thunder Thighs Ch.2

[Chapter 1][Chapter 3]

Title: Thunder Thighs Ch.2

Rating: T

Pairing: Hux/Reader.

Chapter Summary: As the search for “Thunder Thighs” continues, you are transferred.

Word count: 1903

Warnings: Canon typical violence.

Notes: WIP. Not completed. 2nd POV. Female reader. Physical characteristics: nothing more detailed than “relatively average sized”.

[Thunder Thighs Chapter list] [Masterlist]

The next morning you made sure your appearance was perfect. Your bloodied face had been cleaned up by a medical droid in the training room and the swelling was gone by the morning. You even wore a perfect layer of concealer under a perfectly matched foundation, steps you didn’t normally take. Not a strand of hair was loose and you chose to wear the uniform that consisted of a skirt instead of slacks. Again, normally you’d choose the slacks, as the required footwear was boots not heels, but if they were looking for females with good fighting abilities, they’d likely look over those who dressed more like secretaries.

You arrived at your station ten minutes early. Ten minutes was enough time to be early, but not so early that it looked suspicious. Looks like everything was-

Your lieutenant barking your name suddenly made you flinch. Oh kriff. This was it, they caught you. He glanced at you, almost dismissively, “What is your fighting experience?”

“Basic training and drills, sir. I’ve yet to see actual combat.” You felt yourself blush as you admitted the last.

He nodded and marked something down on a holopad. “Adis has been given a new assignment, you’ll be taking her place in assisting General Hux today. He has a meeting on Jandia, I’ve sent your reassignment and Hux’s schedule to your holopad. You leave in half an hour. Report to Adis, she’ll give you any additional information you may need and escort you to Hux’s office.”

“Yes sir.”

Whew.

You were quick to find Adis, really she was already waiting for you. “This will be both an easy and difficult assignment.” She greeted as she started to lead you to your new assignment. “Your first job is to take detailed notes, are you proficient in shorthand?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Good. The general hardly needs to be reminded of the events of the day, but he expects a daily report regardless. Your other job is to simply do as he demands. I’ve added a few notes for you on the schedule that the lieutenant sent you. I suggest you read through that while you wait for Hux to board the shuttle. Any questions?”

You were about to shake your head but paused, “Actually, why the reassignment?”

She grinned, excited about something. “Did you hear about the illegal fighting ring that Hux and Phasma busted last night?”

Your stomach dropped despite the faux shock on your face, “No. But if they busted it, what’s the problem?”

“One of the fighters got away. A female fighter good enough to rip off the arm of an enforcer droid. I’m part of the investigation team to find her. The women in our squad were cleared first since we work with Hux on a regular basis. That’s why you’re taking my place.”

“Ooh. So when Lowsyk asked about my fighting experience? No wonder he looked like he wanted to scoff at me.”

She nodded and gave you a sympathetic half smile. “Yea, according to your file, you’re about the approximate height of the fighter, but, well no offense, you don’t exactly look like a fighter that can take out an enforcer droid.”

Oh stars! They considered you for only a second before dismissing the idea entirely! Maybe the skirt really was a good idea! “No, no offense taken. Yea, I mean, I haven’t even seen combat before.” You pouted outwardly while trying to keep your relief in check.

“Trust me, that isn’t something to be sad about. You’ll see it before the war ends.”

“Oh! Why did you say this would be a difficult assignment?”

Adis paused her steady steps and shot you a worried glance. “Whatever you do, don’t show fear or nervousness around Hux. He doesn’t like meek soldiers and his assistants are no exception.”

You nodded and gave a thumbs up and a grin, “No fear, got it.”

Thinking your grin was a little bit of sarcasm, she shook her head and paused in front of a door and silently gestured to you to be quiet before hitting the communication panel. The lock blinked green and she walked in, you a step behind her.

The two of you saluted General Hux, who was sitting behind a desk looking over a holopad. Adis then introduced you, telling him you were her replacement. He nodded, “You’re dismissed, Adis.”

Once Adis left, Hux told you to take a seat so you could go over the schedule. You were still so elated that you managed to escape being caught that as you read through Hux’s schedule and the notes that Adis left you, you couldn’t help but smile.

“Is there something in the schedule that amuses you, petty officer?”

You looked up from your holopad and blinked at Hux, “Amusing? No sir…?”

“Then what are you smiling at?”

The way he was glaring at you made your hand fly up to cover your mouth. He probably thought you were slacking off! “Nothing, sir! It’s just my face.”

“...Your face?”

You nodded and lowered your hand, “Yes, sir. The others in my division say I have “resting happy face.”

“Well drop it.”

“Yes sir.”

You purse your lips together in an attempt to keep from smiling, your brows furrowed as you concentrated on trying to keep a neutral face and your eyes were squinting as you looked back down at your holopad.

“Now you just look ridiculous.”

“Sorry, sir!” You peeped out with a frown, slightly demoralized and slightly concerned that Hux was going to replace you.

“That’s better.”

Oh great! Now to keep up an ambivalent disposition! You didn’t say anything as you went back to studying the schedule, though at one point you did catch yourself smiling again. Either Hux hadn’t noticed or he simply accepted that his new assistant just sometimes looked like a grinning fool. Hopefully you’d have it in check when you attended the meetings.

The trip to Jandia was about as eventful as you expected: that is, not at all. You walked a few paces behind the Stormtroopers that were guarding Hux, he had four troopers flanking him and one that followed you. Overkill if you ever saw it.

By the time the evening meal rolled around even your usually high spirits were dampened. Who knew assisting General Hux of First Order High Command, one of the most powerful men in the entire galaxy, could be so...boring? At this point you’d welcome a fight with another enforcer droid, even without a winning purse!

Hux didn’t have to tell you that you were leaving after the evening meal, perhaps the best thing about visiting a planet like this was the food, so you ate quickly and started to finish up the report you’d been writing whenever you had a free moment. When word that the shuttle was ready to take him back to the Finalizer and Hux started to leave, you quickly tucked your holopad into an inside jacket pocket and followed his escort.

Your hosts bid him a shaky farewell, to which he only nodded once. Considering how much sovereignty they were maintaining over Jandia, though technically now the planet was part of the First Order, you expected them to be a little more...relieved? No longer so jittery at least.

“How odd.” You muttered once the doors closed behind the last trooper.

“Indeed. High alert.” Hux commanded the Stormtroopers, who changed formation to allow you into the inner circle with Hux.

You frowned and opened your mouth, about to question whether the Jandians would actually betray the First Order, when specialized blaster fire shot down two Stormtroopers, the point man and the man who took up the tail. You and Hux both dropped lower, behind the remaining troopers.

‘He’s too tall.’ You thought as another round of fire shot over head, barely missing Hux. Why were the assigned troopers a good three inches shorter than him?

“Get the general to the shuttle!” The commander, the new point man, shouted to the other two as he dropped to one knee and started firing at what you hoped was the assailant.

You were quick to follow the troopers and Hux, trying to angle your body so that the troopers were shielding you too, even though you knew if it came down to it, they’d let you die in a second if it meant leaving Hux’s side. Not that you blamed them, you would too if you were a Stormtrooper.

The door to the shuttle opened and Hux ran in, the troopers behind him and you squeezing in next to them. You glanced behind you to look for the commander, but he was laying still on the ground outside. The doors closed and you turned, only to find the barrel of a blaster aimed at you.

The last two troopers were standing in front of Hux, blasters moving from target to target, but they were outgunned no matter which way they pointed. The dead troopers outside were evidence that these people had armor piercing blasters and-

“Kill them.” A laconic voice from somewhere in the shuttle said just before the troopers dropped to the floor from blaster fire.

You screamed and pressed your back against the doors, but they didn’t budge. Hux remained passive, only moving as the bodies of his would be bodyguards jostled him as they fell.

“What, nothing to say, general?” That same voice sneered as his men moved aside so he could step in front of Hux.

He was nearly as tall as Hux, you could only guess by the color of his eyebrows that his hair would have been dark if he weren’t bald, and there was a giant scar running diagonally across his face.

“You’ll pay for this.” Hux responded as he glared at the other man.

“No, I’m getting paid for this.” The man sniggered at his own joke. “Blasters and comlinks, drop ‘em.”

You considered pretending that you didn’t have one while Hux unholstered his blaster, but thought better and dropped yours too. The man then motioned Hux forward and shoved him toward the benches that lined the side of the shuttle, where Stormtroopers would normally sit.

You were quick to follow, sitting next to Hux and crossing your arms over your midsection in a subtle attempt to conceal every trace of the outline of your holopad. If you kept the holopad hidden, the Finalizer could track it and send a rescue team.

The scarred man started shouting orders and he was careful to omit names, either of his subordinates or where their destination was. Your attention was drawn from the captain as you felt Hux’s knee bump into yours and he rested his elbow uncomfortably close in front of you.

‘Geez, what a time to man spread.’ You wanted to roll your eyes, but once you followed where Hux was staring you realized what he was doing. One of the mercenaries had been staring at you, for whatever reason, and the longer you were in direct line of sight of him, the higher the chance they’d see your holopad. The way Hux was practically covering your side, there was no way to see the holopad.

Oh. Hux realized the importance of keeping your holopad hidden too. Of course he did. You glanced at him, his eyes met yours, and you don’t know why, but you felt like you’d get out of this alive.

#armitage hux x reader #general hux x reader #hux x reader #female reader

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detectivecarlosreyes · 4 years

Link

Series: Part 2 of Hidden Truths / Link to Part 1: The Secrets We Keep

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

Chapter summary:

Older sisters are very perceptive, Buck should have known Maddie would be concerned about his life choices.

Read under the cut

It was a few nights later and Buck was sitting on the floor starting the process of boxing up non-essential items, when his phone dinged with a text from Maddie saying she was on her way over, reminding him of the fact that it was Buckley sibling dinner night. And he was hosting, which meant that he was supposed to be ordering or cooking dinner while Maddie brought the wine. And…he had forgotten.

He quickly sent her a reply before checking the fridge for any feasible dinner options only to realise he hadn’t thought to restock his fridge, mostly because he’d been at Eddie’s place the last couple of nights. Picking up his phone Buck scrolled through dinner options before settling on ordering some Spanish dishes that he knew Maddie liked, to be delivered.

Just as he finished doing that he could hear Maddie’s keys jangling against the door, signaling her arrival.

Buck turned around and selected two wine glasses from the cabinet for them as Maddie breezed through the door. “Whew, traffic was a nightmare! Hey there, little brother.” She said walking in, planting a kiss on his cheek as she sets down a bottle of chardonnay beside the glasses.

“Hey Mads.” He responded fondly, “We’ve been having Chinese food too much lately, so I’ve got Spanish food on the cards for dinner tonight, should be here in half an hour or so.” Buck said as he poured the wine. He knew that she wasn’t really listening though, seeing as she was more focused on the numerous half-packed boxes sitting open throughout his living room.

Collecting both glasses, he handed Maddie one and took a sip of his own as she gestured to the room. “What’s with all the boxes?” She asked, brow furrowed, “Are you moving?”

Buck moved around the island bench and took a seat on one of the stools. “Yeah, my lease is almost a month away from ending, and I figured I’d find a place closer to the station.”

Maddie sat down across from him and eyed him with suspicion, “How long have you known?”

He shrugged nonchalantly and looked away at the boxes, knowing that she wasn’t going to like his answer. “A couple of months.”

Maddie reached over and lightly slapped him on the arm, “Evan! Why didn’t you tell me sooner, I could have been helping you find a place!”

He rolled his eyes at her antics, slightly offended that she thought he couldn’t find a place by himself. “I’ve been looking I swear! But I wasn’t sure whether I was going stay on for another contract or find somewhere else until now!”

She looked at him unconvinced, “So you found somewhere else then?”

Buck twirled his glass at the stem and took another sip as he muttered his answer into the liquid.

“Evan,” said Maddie warningly.

He sighed and set the glass down but kept his focus on it as he swirled its contents, knowing that there was no point in keeping it from her when she’d find out sooner or later. “Eddie offered his spare bedroom and I’m taking him up on it.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea.” Maddie reached across the space between them and placed her hand over his, “Despite the fact that I’ve teased you before about it being a boy crush, I know how much you like him.” He smiled softly, knowing she was referring to his accidental confession many months ago.

“Don’t worry about it, it’s just a stopover point for a month or so until I find the right place.” He couldn’t help but grin, “I think Eddie is just happy to have another adult in the house for once, someone to share the load with, even if it is for a little while.”

Their conversation was interrupted by a knock at the door, but Buck could tell it wasn’t over with the way Maddie was looking at him. Picking up his wallet from the benchtop, he collected their dinner and handed the delivery person their tip before relocating them to the lounge room. It’s only then that Maddie resumed the conversation.

“I just wanted to make sure that you thought this all the way through. It surely won’t be easy living with someone you’ve been crushing on who doesn’t feel the same way.” She said, concern bleeding into her words.

He gave her a look, “Come on Maddie, give me some credit, I’ve managed this long while working with him haven’t I?”

He appreciated her looking out for him, he really did, but he was going to be selfish. If Eddie was offering a chance for him to get closer and be his housemate then Buck was going to take it even if it was just temporary.

“I know. I just can’t help but worry about my baby brother.” She fell quiet at that but continued to scrutinize his face, so much so that Buck couldn’t hold her gaze any longer and turned his full attention to the food in his hands. “Speaking of which, how has work been lately? You look tired.”

Buck shrugged and continued to pick at his meal, appetite abandoning him with her line of questioning hit a little too close to home, implying that he wasn't sleeping, which in all honesty he wasn’t. “We had a bad call a few nights ago, and it just been playing on my mind lately, that’s all.”

“Howie didn’t mention anything, what happened?”

Buck sighed and set down what was left of the yellow rice he was playing with and topped up his glass instead, “I was sent down into the LA River for a body retrieval, had to be up close and personal the victim while securing a rope around him.” He shuddered, “let’s just say it wasn’t the most pleasant of experiences.”

Maddie pursed her lips like she did whenever she got lost in thought and he could see her putting two and two together. “The tsunami,” she murmured before redirecting her attention back to him, “I’m guessing it’s brought back bad memories?”

Buck nodded, “But I’ve got it under control Mads, you don’t need to worry about it.” and he doesn’t elaborate more than that, unwilling to make a big deal out of a few hours of lost sleep.

He knew he was lying to himself, but he didn’t want to admit that it was worse than what he’d made it out to be. Also, because he didn’t want to admit that the tsunami affected him even now especially after he pretended he was fine back then after it happened.

Maddie pulled him out of his thoughts with a light touch to the knee, “As long as you know you can talk to me about it, same as always.”

“I know.” He replied softly.

They sit quietly for a bit after that with the atmosphere of the room weighing heavily on them. Buck couldn’t stand for that, it wasn’t the point of these dinners so he changed the subject, moving onto lighter conversation by asking Maddie how things were going with Chim.

She immediately brightened at his question and proceeded to gush about the things she and Chim have gotten up to lately. It did seem strange to know more about his workmate than he ever wanted to, but in saying that, he was happy for them, glad to know that they had found joy and love with each other.

Tags: @judsonryder @bisexualbuck @benjisvictor @seaofashes @chimbuckleys @maysgrant @pan-buck @adamngoodbuck @buckleydiazs @nearly-writes @oliversstark @brilliantbanshee @eddiediaz

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dorkzrul · 4 years

Text

(Chapter 1)

Chapter 2

The next morning she found Luke had texted her and immediately jumped up, thinking he wanted to make amends for yesterday night. However this was all the text said:

Luke Castellan: You wanted to talk? Let’s meet at my place at 5.

No apology, not even an acknowledgement of the fact that yesterday had been their anniversary. Last night’s thoughts came back to her. She decided that she would go over, they would talk about yesterday and she would ask him why he was being so weird. Communication was important for any good couple. They would work through this.

At exactly 4:45, she left the house and reached Luke’s apartment by 5. She rang the bell and waited. Luke didn’t come to open the door. She rang the bell again. This time, she heard someone walking towards the door and fiddling with the lock. Luke pulled open the door and held up a finger. He was on a call. “K, I have to go, Annabeth’s here.” She heard a female voice saying something on the other side of the phone. “Maybe later, I have to go.”, said Luke and he put the phone down. “Who was that?”, she asked, more out of curiosity than anything else. “Noone.” “Um...okay” “Just someone from work”, Luke responded with a sigh. “So, how’ve you been”, he asked, instantly brightening. “You wanted to talk. What’s wrong?” The tone of his voice made her want to hit herself on the head. How could she ever think that he was cheating on her? He loved her!

“Oh um I actually wanted to talk about yesterday” “Sure, what about it?” Wait. had he really forgotten? “Yesterday was our anniversary Luke! How could you have forgotten? I waited for you for almost an hour yesterday!” He looked surprised and smiled sheepishly, “So sorry Annabeth! I thought it was next week. I really did. I had plans to surprise you with flowers and even bought tickets to see that movie you’ve been wanting to see. Ugh, I really messed up didn’t I?”, he shook his head, looking mad at himself. She softened. So he hadn’t forgotten. Well he did mix up the dates but that was a valid mistake. He did seem to have plans to make it special. She could forgive him. And since he’d bought movie tickets, they could go out together next week. “It's fine, it can happen. Lets go to see the movie next week and you can make up for forgetting our anniversary”, she added playfully. Luke looked relieved, “Great! Thank you!”, he tightly hugged her. She laughed. Things were good between them again!

Then suddenly she got a call from the architectural firm she worked in. “Hello?” “Annabeth, so sorry to bother you on a Saturday evening but do you think you’ll be able to send in the report right now? The date got changed to tomorrow and I still need to edit it and send it to boss” “Oh, of course. The report is complete. I'll send it to you as soon as I get home.” “So sorry Luke, I need to go”, she apologized. “It's fine, baby. Call me when you get home. Can’t wait to go out next Friday!”, he kissed her goodbye. She put on her shoes and walked out, closing the door behind her.

That night, as she lay in bed, she realised she’d forgotten to tell Luke about Percy. It’s fine though. It wasn’t really that important. Though she still felt she should’ve told him. She would have wanted to know if Luke was going for coffee with a random girl. She’d tell him tomorrow. Also, she still can’t believe that she’d actually considered that he was cheating. Luke would never do something like that, not just because it was wrong and he loved her too much but also because it would make him like his father. Luke’s dad had cheated on his mother and then just left them without a word. Luke’s mother hadn’t been right in the head since he left, leaving Luke to fend for himself. Luke loved his mother dearly and always took care of her, however she never got better. At least until she met his stepdad. She seemed brighter, happier, better mentally and physically. Until she died in a car crash a few years back. This was on the anniversary of his father leaving. Luke was devastated after that and his stepfather just took all the money that she’d left him and ran. Luke had had a tough past and he blamed his father for it all. However, he looked just like his father and every time he looked in the mirror it was his father's face he saw staring back at him. Luke swore that he would never be like his father and cheating would ruin that.

She fell asleep then, confident that everything was once again great between her and Luke.

The next morning she woke up and jumped out of bed, weirdly excited at the prospect of meeting up with Percy, considering he was just a stranger. You dont meet strangers for coffee, there's something else going on here, a part of her announced. Was there, she wondered, were they friends? She shrugged, it was unimportant. It was Monday, she suddenly realised. She was going to be late to work! She quickly got dressed and headed to work, grabbing a coffee on her way. The day passed, she felt herself get more and more jittery as it got nearer to 4. At exactly 3, she left the office and arrived home with just enough time to get dressed and leave.

She got there right on time and saw Percy already there. He saw her and waved, grinning. “Hey!”, he happily greeted her. “Hi”, she replied, slightly hesitating. He waved over a waitress. “What would you like today”, asked the waitress, clearly flirting with him. “Oh, um I’d like a hot chocolate and a chocolate muffin please”, he asked politely, almost as if he didn’t notice the waitress twirling her hair and blinking rapidly. “Um, do you have something in your eye”, she asked, annoyed. The waitress, Kelly (it was on her nametag), glared at her. “Who asked for your opinion”, she asked rudely. “You’re the waitress aren’t you? Shouldn’t you be asking for my order?” “Fine, whatever. What do you want?” “I’d like a cappuccino please” “Whatever, sure”, she rolled her eyes and walked away, swaying her hips and turning around her shoulder to wink at Percy, who had been watching this whole exchange with an amused expression on his face.

“What?”, she asked when she saw him looking at her. “Nothing, just the way you reacted” “She was just being annoying. I mean she only asked for your order, what about me. I was right there. Like hello, are you blind?!” He laughed at that. She glared at him, before cracking a small smile herself. “So, Annabeth, did you sort things out with your boyfriend yesterday?” “I did actually. It went pretty well” “Did he apologize for standing you up” “He did actually. He thought our anniversary was next week” Percy snickered a little at that. She glared at him, “Hey! It could’ve been you! Are you telling me you’ve never forgotten an important date between you and your girlfriend?” “Okay firstly, I might have forgotten a couple important dates but that’s different.”, he protested, “Secondly, I don't have a girlfriend”. Oh, Annabeth thought to herself, a guy as good looking as you without a girlfriend? Damn! But she kept that thought to herself, once again reminding herself about Luke. “How is it any different?”, she asked referring to his previous statement. “Well, it just is”, he mumbled, the tips of his ears reddening. She sensed there was an embarrassing story in this somewhere and tried to convince him to tell her.

“Fine, fine”, he conceded, grumbling under his breath. “I once forgot my own birthday and when my friend called me asking about my gifts, I thought it was his birthday, panicked and immediately went to his house to give it to him and apologise, only to find he wasn’t at his house. When I got back home, all my friends and family were there and threw me a surprise party. Imagine how much of an idiot I looked like when I entered the house with a gift from my friend and sad because I’d forgotten his birthday, only to be surprised by everyone and realise that it was my own birthday I’d forgotten”. She was doubled over by the end of the story, laughing harder than she had in a long time. “Whew”, she added, wiping away a tear from the corner of her eye. “That is hilarious! Did you really forget your birthday?”, she asked in disbelief. He nodded, embarrassed.

“What about you? Any embarrassing birthday stories”, he asked, grinning, his face still red. She immediately stiffened. Her birthday was a topic she liked to avoid. Percy noticed this and immediately, the expression on his face turned to one of concern, “What’s wrong? Was it something I said? I’m sorry”, he quickly added. “No, nothing you said” She debated for a moment, should she tell him? She’d only known him for a couple of days but he looked trustworthy enough. She decided to tell him. “It’s just, birthdays are kind of a hard topic for me. On the night of my seventh birthday, my mother just left, without a word. My father was heartbroken. He immersed himself into his work until he met Helen, my stepmother. On my 11th birthday, he introduced us to each other and she instantly hated me, I don't know why. I had never done anything to her.They got married soon after and had twins. My brothers, Bobby and Matthew. As I grew older, I looked exactly like my mother and looking at me reminded my father of his lost love. Thus, he shunned me and ignored me entirely. He got his own family with Helen, Bobby and Matthew and I was always the outsider, just another reminder of his failed marriage”, tears were falling down my cheeks by now, “My stepmom hated me as I was the child of her husband’s previous marriage. My stepbrothers learned to hate me. I had no one left who I could rely on… until Luke”

She kept her head down, tears streaming down her cheeks. She felt Percy’s arm around her and moved closer to him, almost burying her head in his warm chest. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be crying. I’m making this whole meeting really awkward.”, she noticed a couple of wet marks on his shirt, “And I also ruined your shirt!” She pulled away, quickly wiping away her tears. “No, no, it’s okay. I'm glad that you trusted me enough to tell me this and I’m so sorry. If it makes you feel better, my father also left when I was little and until a couple years back, I also had a terrible stepfather. He was really bad. He used to hit my mom and I. I still have scars on my back from his knife, and they’re still better than those my mom has.” That did make her feel better, but then she felt horrible for feeling better at someone else’s bad experiences. “Oh, I’m sorry that must’ve been terrible. You said until a couple years back? What happened” “Oh um, he died in a car accident and my mom just remarried another guy. He’s much better. He really loves her and she loves him.” She could hear the pain in his voice. He really loves his mother, she thought. “What about you? Do you like him?” He looked surprised at the question. “Well, I suppose he makes her happy so he can’t be all that bad” “You really love her a lot huh?”, she asked, softly. “I do”, he smiled at this, “She’s the most wonderful person ever. She deserves so much better than what has happened to her. She really loved my father and he left her, leaving her to fend for herself with a baby. Then came Gabe, my first stepfather. He used up all our money and left us injured and almost broke. She worked 3 jobs to support us and we finally got back on our feet. Then, she met Paul, and he’s been around for a year and it’s been great” The two shared soft smiles. “It was really great meeting you today Percy. And thank you” “You’re-you're welcome”, he replied, looking a little shocked. “You too. I hope we can do this again sometime”, he said smiling. “Sure”, she responded.

He walked her to her apartment and then left with a quick hug, momentarily stunning her. That night she fell asleep with a smile on her face, feeling better than she had in ages.

Thanks so much for reading this and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I tried to update asap, which was today. Also, anyone got the Bad Blood reference? Lol. K thanks again for reading and don't forget to comment/review. It helps me write better and update faster!!! *awkwardly hugs readers* <3<3<3

Tagging: @rhian-not-ryan

#pjo #percy jackson #love #fandom #percabeth #percabeth4life #percabethfanfic #pjofanfic #fanfic #pjofic #luke castellan #annabeth chase

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imagine-fight-write · 4 years

Text

RANDOM - BANANA FISH REVIEW: VOL 1, PART 3 - MY FAVORITE SCENE in Vol. 1 ?

Welcome back to in-dept gushing about all the greatness of Banana Fish!

Whew, this took forever. Ah, but I love it so much! I hope you do too!

Today is extra lovely, because today we meet our main monstrous villain, Dino Golzine!

He is a glorious villain, just you wait. Oh, how I hate this man.

Yes I’m aware he’s a fictional character, but I can’t help but remember there are too many actual people like him in real life. No seriously. There are too many. I try not to think about this fact too much, & you shouldn’t either. Ah, but remember!

There’s hundreds, no thousands, billions more good people.

(here’s a few)

Or at least, people trying to be good. Sometimes they fail. Sometimes they don’t.

People who are fighting people like Dino Golzine.

You can join them. And they’re the ones who’re going to win in the end & have the last laugh & final joy.

Not people like Dino Golzine.

*Speaking of Dino Golzine, there are not a lot of useful gifs of him. Why?

I need them to make fascinating blog posts for you. Someone with the skills snap to it, thanks.

Before we begin, please note, if you haven’t read this scene yet, or the back summary of Volume 1, please do that 1st. Otherwise you’ll be spoiled.

Summary: So. Ash, a clever & skillful gang leader in New York City in the 1980′s, has arrived at Dino’s mansion, demanding answers for why 2 of his gang members were out murdering a dude on Dino’s orders. Marvin, of all people, delivers a deliciously chilling line I gushed about last time:

“I’ve never seen you in the sunshine before.”

And finally Ash is let inside the mansion.

It occurs to me I’m not exactly sure where Dino Golzine’s mansion is. Except it’s outside of New York - there’s trees & grass - & Ash mentions it’s a long way for him to come out for a talk. A suburb place?

Not sure why I’m musing about this. Let’s continue.

Wait! Is this also the same mansion where we have the infamous dinner & the grenade launcher line? Or does Dino have more than 1 mansion? (He probably has more than one.) But I’m going to guess they’re the same. Moving on.

So, starting pg. 36, Dino’s bodyguards have the best mustaches.

(Not as epic as Hercule Poirot. But up there in epicness.)

Also 1 of the fabulously mustached bodyguards is named Angie. Angie. No, I am not making this up (read pg. 40.) This is priceless. Also very 80’s. Stay classy, Banana Fish. (Which was written in the 80’s, remember.)

*I can’t spelled mustache, much less mustached, by the way.

Oh, & I try to keep my blog clean (if sometimes grim, bloody, & funny) but I must point out the joke Ash makes to the bodyguards in the top panel of page 36. “Groupies” is a special word for me, because it was lovingly explained to me by a friend in high school. By which I mean I was laughing so hard it hurt, & couldn’t stop for several minutes. Great memories!

Ah, & I’m intrigued by Ash’s words to the fabulously mustached bodyguards,

“Relax . . . I just came to talk. Not pick a fight.”

(Can’t you just tell Ash’s a teenager, ragging on grown-ups every chance he gets? And they all deserve it, by the way.)

But anyway, I’m so intrigued! Has Ash come in before wanting to pick a fight, or caused a fight, and over what? Also, Ash likes to tease the bodyguards about being overprotective. And it’s funny & I understand why he does it (trying to pretend he doesn’t care & isn’t bothered by them & hey, maybe he isn’t). But I will point out, being “over protective” is how bodyguards should be. It’s their job. Because you never know.

Anyway, 1 of the guards, who I’m going to call Angie because I’m not sure who’s who, discreetly knocks, in the middle panel pg. 36, to the door of Dino’s - Dining room? Breakfast room? (Dino’s rich enough to have both). Anyway, Dino is eating breakfast. This is important & I’ll explain why in a moment. 1st, I do want to critique this panel, because I think the star shape indicating the knock should’ve been bigger & higher up - it gets dominated by the speech bubble. Then again, it is a discreet knock. Dino says “come in” in classic bad guy fashion, and before he lets Ash in, Angie gives him such a look. (I can’t describe it, it’s great.)

This is roughly my response.

Finally we get to see Dino Golzine!

I hate this man, so much.

Note how the first panel of him, bottom of pg. 36 is disturbing - because we actually don’t see his face until the next page. Naturally, since he’s the main bad, we should be disturbed. Also note how he’s surrounded by signs of wealth - a butler / footman, fine dining, French windows open to green countryside, potted plants and soft rugs, and a pair of lovely double doors.

Otaku, She Wrote has a great analysis of this in the anime:

https://otakushewrote.wordpress.com/2018/07/07/banana-fish-1-a-perfect-day-for-bananafish/

I love double doors. You go through them & always feel grand. Oh yes, and Dino Golzine is dressed in a classic fancy robe / dressing gown. Typical mob boss. Now, although we don’t see his face yet, Dino does speak. Right away, it’s a power play. Dino makes it clear he knows Ash & is familiar with him, can guess his actions: “I thought you might come.” This is a statement reminding Ash Dino has power over him. Yes, he concedes Ash came earlier than expected. But he was still expecting him.

*Please note Angie’s fabulous mustache on the top of panel of pg. 37.

Ash doesn’t reply, so Dino offers breakfast (another sign of how early it is.)

There actually weren’t any pancakes (that I saw), but I included this because it looked fancy (and delicious.) There was actually an egg, & either bacon or sausage. So it was actually like this:

But fancy. That’s from Howl’s Moving Castle, by the way.

Back to Banana Fish.

I’m guessing Ash got maybe 6-7 hours of sleep. No wonder he takes a nap later. (It was almost 1 in the morning when he finds the poor dead guy, as a time stamp helpfully tells us.)

(Another Howl’s Moving Castle gif. I’m distracted.)

Back to Banana Fish.

Ash refuses the offer of breakfast (I wouldn’t accept it either.) Not that I think the food is drugged or something (though I wouldn’t be surprised OR if Dino had done such a thing before). (Shudders) But it’s the principle of the thing. Don’t accept food / eat at a table with monsters. By which I mean people who are terrible & evil & have no remorse for all the pain they inflict on others.

Food & eating together is a sign of community practically everywhere in the world. (I assume?)

And Dino Golzine is most definitely Ash’s enemy. Despite them currently having an agreement.

So of course, Ash refuses the offer of food. Just wait until their fight starts. It’s beautiful. There are conversations that are basically exchanges of epic threats & insults. I love it.

And now I’m wondering what Ash ate for breakfast. Probably not much? Food is important, especially breakfast! It’s basically the fuel you start the day with. (says the person who usually dashes off with toast & a granola bar & coffee.) What do you usually eat in the morning? I’m always curious.

OR What is your favorite breakfast?

(I’m going to fall on the Breakfast Hill, but I love the inclusion of sign language here in The Dragon Prince.)

Anyway, back to Banana Fish. Dino brags about how his food comes from a farm in Surry, wherever that is.

I want to say Surry, England for some reason (probably because it sounds posh) but that can’t be right. Can it? So, after bragging, Dino asks if Ash is sure he doesn’t want to eat. Ash responds, “I didn’t come all the way out here to eat.”

And the bodyguard I’ll name Toussaint (what a name, I like it but it’s strange) Toussaint gives Angie such a look behind Ash’s back. You can practically hear the mental sigh, followed by “kids.” Or maybe “teenagers.” (sigh)

The poor bodyguards. Also, for shame, Dino does not finish his breakfast. He wastes food! After bragging about it and everything! There was still a whole egg on it! And bacon! (I think). Wasteful. (Eggs are really good for you & easy to make!) This man . . . Even in the small things, I can’t stand him . . .

Of course, I will admit it is uncomfortable eating when no one else is and they’re standing right there waiting for you to finish. Dino would lose power in that exchange. So that’s probably why he didn’t finish. But still. Oh yes, and please note, Dino is sitting at a table (whose legs I don’t trust, they look so delicate) while Ash is standing. This changes, and that’s important. Note their positions before Ash leaves at the end of their conversation. This whole scene, in fact, is fascinating. Especially when you compare it to other conversations Ash & Dino have later. Here, as you’ll soon realize, Dino is the one with the power. Ash goes to him demanding answers. Meaning, Dino is the one with knowledge & the power to give it or refuse. Yes, Ash quips and mouths off, but it’s clear he’s the one on defense.

Of course, given Ash’s smarts, one could argue his “powerlessness” here is at least partly an act & also how Ash survives. But not, I’d argue, entirely. Dino Golzine does hold a tremendous amount of power over Ash. Like it or not, it’s simply a fact.

Also of note is the parent-teenager vibes in the conversation. Which makes partial sense, as Ash is, or was (?) Dino’s heir (remember the synopsis on the back of the volume). Except remember, it also mentions Ash was Dino’s “sex toy.” (shudders)

Their relationship is all amounts of complex, confusing, & disturbing, is what I’m saying. (I’m so confused & disturbed). Now on to the actual conversation! (the dialog is great, by the way.)

At the bottom of pg.37 we finally see Dino’s face / ugly mug, & he makes a very resigned parent comment & expression, “I’ve told you before. Keep your hands out of your pockets when you talk to me.” Ash responds with classic teenage mulish silence, complete with glaring.

Dino orders his bodyguards to take it off him, but Ash is like fine, & gives this challenging statement (particularly bold given their history) “You can’t relax until you’ve completely stripped me.” (This is such a Femme Fatale statement.)

(I have yet to watch Double Indemnity yet, but oh, I really want to.)

Back to Banana Fish. Dino just laughs Ash’s comment off however, and moves the conversation to the den (another power play.)

Laughing at a challenging statement & ignoring it also demeans it.

(Both Hiei & Kurama are laughing at something Yusuke said in YuYuHakusho, which if you haven’t watched / read, please do. It’s hillarious & has a lot of heart.)

A lot like Banana Fish.

*Note: This is why, if someone kidnaps you, fight for your life if they try to take you to a different location. Because 9 times out of 10, it will not end well for you.

Also, as shown above, it’s actually extremely hard to shove somebody into a car / trunk, so you can sleep well tonight.

There’s 2 grown dudes trying to shove a teenager (probably underfed) into a car & they are having difficulties. I’m just waiting for red haired dude to get his eyes jabbed, & dark haired dude is going to get bit or a head butt in the face. ( I haven’t gotten to a part where anyone is trying to kidnap Ash yet, so you’re as spoiled &, I hope, intrigued as I am.)

But back to Volume 1.

In the den, Dino offers Ash a drink (another sign of friendship, like food, especially since it’s a alcoholic drink).

*It makes sense. After all, being drunk, or even tipsy is to also be vulnerable. Thus, if you’re wise, only drink with friends & family, or at least people who you trust.

Or drink alone. Nothing wrong with that either.

Ash refuses the offer, (as any decent person would) and mocks it, calling it “booze” (scoring a point in the power play) but Dino hands him the drink anyway.

Dino also brags about, “my newest concoction.” Otaku, She Wrote mocks this in her review of the same scene in the anime, it’s great. (Dino deserves to be mocked. He deserves everything shameful & terrible. I really do despise him.)

(Not quite enough glare & disgust, but it’s the best gif I could find.)

Note how often even in this single scene Dino continually ignores or overrides Ash’s refusals or flat out “no’s”. It’s a clear sign of just how little respect he has for Ash (also creepy). An excellent touch done by the mangaka, Akimi Yoshida.

Note: fancy drinks will come up again in another conversation between them, in which Dino asks if Ash remembers training that Dino gave him. This man never stops with the reminders of power. Then again, he is a mob boss.

(I’m sure Dino would respond “yes” to this offer. Dino even pets a cat later too! I just wanted to point that out.) I’m sure his history is fascinating (and bloody).

Ash ignores the drink & gets down to business, demanding to know why Dino sent his / Ash’s gang members to kill the mysterious banana fish dude.

To be clear: A grown man sent teenagers to kill a man. For money.

Dino reminds Ash he calls the shots (literally, in this case): “. . . Any why I didn’t tell you? I wouldn’t think it necessary to trouble you with a matter so trivial.” This is a very condescending statement. Again, Dino speaks like a parent to a child. Or a man to a lady, “Don’t worry your pretty head about it.”

Except this “trivial” matter Dino speaks of is murdering a dude.

(Yes, he deserves a burned hand, & a lot more.) Ash calls him out on this & is upset, as any decent person would. He smacks the table (top of pg. 40). Great emphasis on the line work, except the drink sorta appears to merge with Ash’s hand. (Whoops.)

Dino’s bodyguards burst in, as good bodyguards would, concerned by the shattering glass.

In yet another power display, Dino dismisses them, claiming it’s nothing and cooly tells Ash to calm down.

(Not exactly like this, but you get the gist. Also, I need to watch Koroko no Basket.) (Adds to never-ending list of anime & manga)

Dino does make a quick apology for upsetting Ash, but one without weight, saying he doesn’t take Ash’s position as a gang leader “lightly.” This sounds respectful, but I think it’s actually a subtle reminder Ash is where he is because of Dino. Ash’s reaction (top of pg.41) highlights this. He slumps back on the couch.

(just look at Ash’s defeated pose. And Dino hasn’t done anything but talk.

He’s like the bad guy in the 1st book of the Sharing Knife series by Lois Bujold, which you should seriously check out, it’s great.)

Anyway, Ash sags at Dino’s words, because the point worked: he remembers how much power Dino has over him.

He stops arguing, though still upset. Oh yeah, he keeps talking, fiercely, but you can hear the uselessness in his voice (or imagine it, if you’re reading the manga), “We had an agreement. You promised not to use my boys to kill!” On my re-read of this I was like, “Oh sweetie, you’re talking to a mob boss. What were you expecting?”

(the tea, or in this case, coffee, is always poisoned, by the way. Or drugged. And probably tastes bad too, because bad people have no taste. Or skill. Unless they’re the lead villain. In which case, at least you can enjoy your cup of poisoned tea or coffee before you die or are otherwise horribly inconvenienced.)

But, Ash does not accept the wine glass in this case, which has already been spilled & smashed, so lets continue.

“You promised not to use my boys to kill!” Ash to Dino This almost sounds remarkably naive compared to the smart, street-wise Ash later on. Except it also reflects comments later on in this volume, how the teenage gangs have an honor system (and consider themselves morally superior to the grown-ups. Ah, I love it.)

(this is so me. Also, Kuwabara’s cat is the cutest anime cat I can think of in a quick 5 seconds.)

*YuYu Hakusho is also a show where the heroes have to fight unfair, powerful, & dishonerable grown-ups. It’s also rip roaring funny. Yusuke & Ash would probably get along, while Eiji & Kurama would definitely be friends. Ash would be friends with Kurama too. I’m not sure how he’d respond to Hiei or Kuwabara though . . . I love both shows so much.

*Random Note: For some reason I’m reminded of deal Lando makes with Darth Vader in the Empire Strikes Back. There, it’s also clear that Vader has all the power. “Pray I do not alter it any further.”

Dino usurps Ash’s power again, negating the agreement by insisting “the circumstances were extraordinary” & the man “wasn’t a member of the syndicate” which I assume is part of their agreement, a.k.a., no asking members of Ash’s gang to take out people in the mob. I am now highly curious as to when they came to this agreement, & when & how, but alas, no details yet. Again, Dino trivializes the assignment, calling murdering a person:

“a very tiny mouse that wanted stepping.” Brrr.

*This is from Mrs. Frisby & the Rats of Nimh, which is also based on a great book. I always think fondly of mice because of this. Also due to Redwall.

Here, Dino is clearly trying to play it off as nothing (which to him it partly is, he has no qualms about murdering people) but also because he wants Ash to leave the matter alone. So he also expresses surprise Ash even bothered to learn about it. Note at this point Ash is sitting on a couch & Dino is pacing or standing near him. Like this:

*I know I used this gif before, but like I said, the gifs are few.

The power dynamic is obvious. Again, props to the mangaka. It would’ve been easy to have them both sitting or standing, but here the power Dino has is obvious in their mere positions. After Ash mentions he noticed the 2 gang members were acting suspicious, Dino praises him for being smart. Again, like a parent praising a child. Dino continues, saying Ash is too smart to be a mere gang leader and makes this statement, while placing his hand on Ash’s shoulder, “I do wish you’d put that right hand of yours to work for me.”

The reader already knows Ash is dangerous with a gun (recall the scene with his 2 gang members earlier) & this echos that.

Still, the double meaning of the statement is obvious, especially when you remember the synopsis on the back of the volume.

And if you don’t know what it means, I say it’s not important & disgusting. More power to you for not knowing.

I am curious as to how Ash escaped that & got free to have the more respectful role of gang leader. Note, it’s also clear from their talk Dino & Ash have had some falling out, or at least distancing (since Ash became a gang leader, maybe? I really want to know!)

Also, based on the rest of the conversation, you can tell Ash isn’t just one of the no doubt numerous gang leaders Dino knows, uses, & supports.

The synopsis on the back cover says Ash was brought up as “Dino’s heir” but it’s clear he rejected that path.I really want to know why & what caused him to change. And what happened. How did Dino notice him the first place? Was it pure chance, or did Ash do it on purpose, to survive?

Anyway, Dino asks if Ash “would put that right hand to work for him”.

Ash responds to Dino’s disgusting offer with a great quip, “Is that a joke, or have you actually gone senile?”

Reminding Dino of his age (who’s like 50? even Google isn’t sure) complete with a mocking grin too.

Score for Ash!

Except not when you remember Dino’s creepy vibes / words all through this conversation, especially at the end.

And I must remind you, dear reader, Ash is 17/18. Meaning, there’s at least a

30 year gap between their ages.

And there’s nothing wrong with age gaps in relationships, romantic or not.

I like the Sharing Knife series, for example. Sailor Moon & Tuxedo Mask,

Tohru’s parents in Fruits Basket, etc. Those have age gaps, but they’re good.

What’s wrong here is Ash & Dino’s relationship is abuse, no matter how you slice it. Their’s is in no way, shape, or form one of mutual respect, care, or even basic agreement or attraction by both.

Ash & Dino’s relationship never was & never will be healthy or good for either one of them (unless something stunning happens that I haven’t gotten to yet. I mean, people do change, even monstrous ones.)

Still, even in this 1st scene, it’s clear their relationship is bad. Dino holds all the power & is determined to keep it. There‘s no mutual respect or care between them, no matter how Dino tries to convince himself otherwise. Only dominance, fighting quips, & words wielded like weapons. Dino doesn’t care about what Ash wants - Dino just wants to use him.

Ash, in turn, has only used what Dino has given & taught him in order to survive. He never wants or cares about Dino’s attention, & makes this very clear even in his littlest actions.

Remember. He didn’t come to Dino’s mansion because he wanted to. It was for information only, and quick as he can, he leaves.

Now, back to the conversation. Dino responds to the age zinger by reminding Ash he watched Ash grow up & helped train him, taught him all he knows, (I’m smarter & older than you).

He also reminds Ash of previous weakness, “You used to cry over every assignment I gave you.”

(I told you Dino’s play for power never stops.)

The reader can assume those assignments were also murdering people, just as Dino casually ordered Ash’s 2 gang members to do. Brrr. It also reminds Ash of the power Dino has over him, training him.

*Which means, since Ash is a badass fighter, Dino is too. I mean, he is a mob boss after all. And he’s not so old he can’t still be in good shape.

I bet you Dino’s good with a gun. Ash quips it off, “I’ve got a bad memory” but it’s a feeble jab & Dino doesn’t relent, “There’s something you must never forget . . . It was I who took you in.” Dino has the power here & he’s determined to make Ash remember it again. I took you in. Raised you. Trained you. Made you everything you are today. I own you. I know you. Brrr. It’s so creepy & controlling.

And it’s all done with words. Dino actually hasn’t done anything yet (apart from hinted history. Just you wait.) Poor Ash. Even without knowing the specifics of Ash’s & Dino’s relationship, it’s clear Dino has some twisted hold over Ash. Whew. I’m exhausted just reviewing this scene. And we’re not done yet. Dino is just so - overwhelming. As a good villain should be. Banana Fish. I love it.

So. After that chilling reminder of how much power he has over Ash, Dino lightens the mood a bit - note how often he directs the conversation.

He asks, jokingly, if Ash has a girlfriend - while also pointing out he keeps tabs on Ash’s spending & has noticed he’s been spending more lately. Yet another sign of his power (over Ash.) This man never stops, not even with jokes (no wonder he’s a mob boss.) Fight him, Ash!

And Ash does. He snaps, “None of your business!” I must note, I cannot lie, Ash looks cute & angry in this panel (middle of pg. 43.) Also Dino’s knowing look in the panel next to it is all sorts of creepy. Have I mentioned art in Banana Fish is good? Because it is. Dino puts his hand around Ash’s throat in a very intimate manner (your throat is very vulnerable, as I’m sure you’re all aware). I will note the art here makes the gesture look very odd. It looks less a tender gesture & more like also a choke, or the threat of one. But maybe that’s the point? Dino’s also standing while Ash is still sitting on the couch, by the way. Dino says, I imagine quite softly, “Don’t forget me. You know I love you, sweetheart.”

Now, taken out of context, this sounds like a line said to a lover. Or even a parent to a child. But it’s clearly not. First, Ash’s expression in the bottom panel has none of the delight or relaxation such a line should make. He looks - resigned? Uneasy? Distant?

This is why I (truly) love manga. Because expressions can be read in so many ways. Regardless, it’s clear Ash is not happy or pleased by this (supposedly) endearing statement. He looks like he’s remembering things he’d rather forget, and resigned to Dino touching him. Resigned, as in, I have no choice, I can’t brush him off. All the red flags & sirens should be wailing & waving in your mind.

They’re wailing in mine. Even if Dino meant that as a parent / mentor (mentor hah! I mean, teacher), it’s still messed up.

Because, as I hope I’ve made it clear while analyzing their conversation so far, it’s clear even if Dino himself believes these words (which he very well could) and yes, even if Ash believes Dino cares about him - It’s clearly not true. Dino’s actions make it obvious - he doesn’t respect Ash (much). He clearly, without doubt, doesn’t view Ash as an equal. Only someone to use, & discard at his leisure. And it’s hard, if not impossible to my mind, to care about or love someone who you don’t respect. Note: I don’t think Ash believes Dino’s words. And finally, the conversation is over. Whew, I need a cup of hot tea & some sunshine, that was awful & tiring. No wonder Ash takes a nap after this. The conversation is done, Ash is out, vest & all. He’s his mouthy teenage self again, quipping at the poor bodyguards, pg. 44, top panel. “Thank you so much for your concern.” Ah, I love it. Most people would leave it there & move on, but I’m a suspicious individual with a dark imagination. Did the convo really end with Dino’s creepy “I love you, sweetheart” & Ash got up & left. OR was there more? After all, when Ash steps out, he’s wearing his vest again. Hands in his pockets, of course. A small defiance, but one nonetheless. Of course, he just grabbed it on his way out from the den to the - what do you call it? The breakfast room, let’s just call it that. The room where Dino wasted perfectly good food.

I am not going to forget. Anyway, ignore my dark suspicions (I’m just concerned by Ash’s silence & his unease in that last panel.) Because Shorter is here!!! (pg.44)

*Shorter usually has purple hair, but I like this gif a lot. It’s shows how Shorter is great at talking over information with Ash.

His coat looks so comfy in the manga. Also I love the tiny heart next to his eye. Shorter is important - not the least because he shares one of the funniest scenes in Banana Fish with Ash later. I am so excited!

Also because next time will be some great stuff about teenage gangs (and how they’re better than the grown-ups) & we meet Skip!!! & Eiji!!! & Ibe!!!! Unless I gush too much 1st. Then it might the post after. There will be mystery, snark, & danger.

Until next time!

#random #banana fish #banana fish review #Volume 1 #part 3 #manga #ash lynx #funny #breakfast #dino golzine #howl's moving castle #yu yu hakusho #the godfather #mrs. frisby and the rats of nimh #film #anime

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bombshellsandbluebells · 4 years

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Hey @wolfheartgirl! responding to you here because boy that post is getting LONG

Thanks for joining the conversation! Always good to have more opinions! I’ll admit I also don’t agree with your points completely and I just in general have a different view of the characters and relationships I think. Also, being 110% honest here - I didn’t finish season 6 so I might be iffy on all the details and how they play out. At some point I just really could not bring myself to keep watching, not just because of what was happening but because of how bad the execution of the writing and the acting was. Let’s face it - no matter what ships or characters we like or what side of the fandom we’re on, we ALL deserved better than what we got execution wise. And that’s disappointing. :(

Anyways, onto some body-snatched Bellamy discussion!

1. The Monty Thing - completely fair points! I did forget that they reached out to Wells’ actor first and he was unavailable, which is a shame. But that’s a good reminder that sometimes writing gets dictated on television because of things like that the writers can’t control. I do think you’re correct here, and I was wrong when I said it didn’t make sense for it to be Monty. Monty appearing to Clarke was much more about his legacy and what he had asked them to do than it was about his relationship with Clarke. On second thought, yes he was the only one who really fit there.

What I WILL still argue is, even if it works with Clarke, it still WOULD have had more weight and emotion behind it if it was Bellamy. So basically, it’s fine as is in canon, might have worked BETTER if it was Bellamy.

2. Honesty hour. I don’t know....what Octavia did in season 6. I really don’t. I tried to follow. There was some quicksand and some time travel and I was just really lost and disinterested at that point and I stopped watching and I STILL don’t know what she did in the finale.

Octavia’s redemption is......iffy. As is. I love Octavia. I don’t always love Octavia’s writing. I really don’t like anything I saw of Octavia’s writing in s6 aside from getting paired with Diyoza, though even THAT fell flat for me. And I really don’t understand what role she played in this season at all.

So maybe she would have crossed lines trying to save Bellamy, but I also do think there is a possibility to do something fun with switching the dynamic to being “my brother, my responsibility” and her trying to make up for hurting him last season. Again, don’t know WHAT she did last season, so being part of the Save Bellamy Squad would have at least pulled her into the action a little more. (I know that Octavia’s time travelling quicksand adventures are supposed to help set up the whole s7 thing but honestly.....it’s way too confusing and disconnected from the rest of the season and would probably be better cut.)

3. Inside Man Murphy. Fair! Completely far! Murphy 100% would not have helped them he is ride or die for his family ESPECIALLY after last season. And true, his anger and growing indifference did lead to him helping Josephine! (I didn’t get to 6x11 lmao, but I am kind of glad to hear it was about Abby, not Clarke. That makes A LOT more sense for his character.) And I don’t think CLARKE saying she was proud was OOC - I more meant that in my opinion it doesn’t make a lot of sense for that to hold much weight with Murphy considering he DOESN’T care about Clarke or her opinion of him.

What I will say about this is that not every detail of how the season was written is going to work with Bellamy as the bodysnatched because it wasn’t written for Bellamy. It was written for Clarke to be bodysnatched and so all the details of that storyline are going to support that. The idea behind switching it was an attempt to try to fix some of the main character and relationship arc issues last season with one simple fix, though the entire execution of the plot would then have to be adjusted to fit Bellamy and not Clarke. So yeah, Murphy’s storyline as a WHOLE would probably have to be adjusted - if not completely changed - to make sense with his character.

I was thinking about this actually and I think in general most of Murphy’s storyline needs to change. For instance, why did his near death experience THEN suddenly spark this fear when he nearly died in the finale of s5. It wasn’t necessary to have him nearly die AGAIN just to convince us that Murphy is scared of dying. He always has been. That’s a core part of his character. It’s kind of redundant.

But I was thinking that the main arc Murphy goes on in s5 is that he feels worthless and that triggers his fears of being unloved and abandoned. This is a pretty core part of Murphy too so it makes a lot of sense. I didn’t think the resolution of this arc was the best, but Murphy choosing to save his family and being instrumental in doing so and then Monty and Bellamy risking their lives and the lives of everyone in the finale do a lot to prove to Murphy that he’s not worthless or expendable.

Rather than switching to a completely new arc for him in s6, it’d be nice to keep expanding on this idea. That might mean removing him from his current canon storyline completely (which, although I did like it and it IS in character, doesn’t add much more to his character since he’s already gone though many similar arcs)

What if instead he took on more of a leadership role in saving Bellamy? That’d be something new from him we haven’t seen before. It would echo back to moments in s5 when Bellamy asked for his opinion or he was the one to make a decision for the others. It would be a really exciting new adventure to take his character on and it’d just be new for him. Maybe then he could work closely with Clarke and we’d get an interesting new dynamic there. It’d also let Murphy continue his journey of realizing that he is not worthless, which is nice.

Just spitballing here. I do agree his current arc doesn’t at all work with bodysnatched Bellamy, so it would definitely have to change.

4/5. Ok, here’s where we won’t agree, haha. I’m not a Bellarke shipper at all. I don’t disagree that s6 was very centered on Bellarke. It was, absolutely. My issue is that that is directly at odds with s5. s5 set up Becho in the beginning, forced them through struggles and separated them for most of the season, but then reunited and reenforced their relationship at the end of s5. The clear takeaway seemed to be that Becho was here to stay and strong. Bellamy and Clarke’s dynamic was certainly important, but it wasn’t framed as romantic in s5 and wasn’t, to me, framed to be more important to Bellamy than Echo.

s6 then goes and completely flip-flops that with no development to get there. Becho goes from ending the season strong to finding over nonsense and then Bellamy being completely focused on Clarke. s6 absolutely frames Bellarke as more important, but it’s frustrating that it is so at odds with the season that came before it. If they wanted to switch from Becho to Bellarke - which I’ll admit, I’ll never be happy with - it at least needs to have more development. Because the last we’ve seen, Becho is happy and Bellamy and Clarke are not on the same page and dont’ have the same priorities. If they did want to change that, there just needs to be more growth between Bellamy and Clarke that isn’ reliant on what happened between them several seasons ago.

So frankly, I don’t think with EITHER of them bodysnatched that can happen. They don’t have the time to get to know each other again (remember, in canon, they haven’t seen each other in six years! you can absolutely re-fall in love with someone you knew, but it isn’t instant) which NEEDS to happen to sell that relationship. It isn’t good enough to me to rely on the development of early seasons when both characters have changed SO MUCH and been separated for so long.

I’m not going to argue whether the writers intend for Bellarke to be canonically romantic because honestly they have been so back and forth about it and unclear in the writing that I’m going to need some outright “I love you”s before I buy it. I do think they’re important to each other, I’m just going to need more recent development before I buy it, espeically after last season ended with Becho going strong.

6. Scrap the sheidheda storyline. Just scrap it. I really dislike it and it adds clutter to an already busy season. I don’t believe it really added anything of importance and just distracted from the other plotlines going on. You’re right it probably wouldn’t work with bodysnatched Bell but like.....I’m all for just getting rid of it. There’s more interesting ways to use Madi than whatever that nonsense was.

7. True! I actually talked to someone else about this. As it is currently written, the nightblood is a problem. However, like I said this plot and all it’s details was written to fit Clarke and it can easily be adjusted and re-written to fit Bellamy. Since bodysnatching and Sanctum was totally new this season, it doesn’t contradict anything previously established to just cut the nightblood thing out. A lot of other random details probably don’t fit for it to be Bellamy either because it just wasn’t written that way.

So yeah! Those are my thoughts :) Whew that was long.

I would also just really love to see everyone saving BELLAMY this time around since he’s always saving everyone else.

#the 100 #the 100 meta #bodysnatched bellamy

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shnuggletea · 4 years

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2019 Fanfiction Year in Review

Tagged by the ever so lovely @moonlightusa here is my response to this assignment you gave me. I seriously had flashbacks to high school with this lol!

1. List of fics completed this year:

Okay seriously, I’ve done too much this past year in writing I guess. Here it is in order.

Poisoned Mind

Arranged Love

MamoUsaWeek2019: It’s Her Eyes, Now What?, Benched, Poppin, Jivin, Never Endin

Benefits Gone Wrong (co-authored with @darkenedhrt101)

Seven Month Itch

Vegas Baby!

Urban Legends: Bunny Man

Haunted Embrace (Gift Exchange 2019)

How Water Shapes the Earth (HaruMich Fluff Fest)

Whew I’m winded from writing down that list.

2. Number of words written:

This year for fanfiction...good god. Got to get out the calculator hold on a minute...oh jeez. I don’t know if I should share this, it’s a bit embarrassing. Okay so not including works I started last year and haven’t quite finished I’m at 551,899 words. So that means I probably wrote close to a million words last year since that doesn’t include the originals that I worked on/finished. Hamduallah I still have my fingers.

3. Your most popular fic this year:

I don’t really think any of my fics are ‘popular’ to be honest. The one that was more popular than I expected was Vegas Baby. I’m not sure what equates popularity, some go by review or follow/fave numbers. For me, it’s a combination. The type of reviews and what they say plus the number of follow/faves. That one took me by surprise how many really liked it.

4. Your personal favorite this year:

Man, that’s like asking me to pick my favorite child. Not that I put my writing at that level, I love my kid waaaaay more. Not sure how to decide a favorite among them though!! I guess I’d have to say Haunted Embrace. It was fun and also in the Sil Mil with is a fave of mine to write about. Although, it may not seem that way since I have 0 other than it set in that arch currently lol.

5. Your favourite scene:

Omg, you’re killing me smalls. Sigh. This is another tough one, I have a lot of faves. Okay in my work, the first one that comes to mind is from Enchanted when Serenity tells Mamoru goodbye before he heads off to war. Her innocence in giving him a lock of hair and how he treasures it from that point on just hits me in the feels.

From other’s works, Blind Faith by @angelmoongirl when Mamoru shows up to give Usagi her first lesson without her sight and she rips into him about his parents. Oh man, tears. Because she is hurting and you know she doesn’t mean it or understand and he just responds back just as cold. Heartbreaking in the best way. My Ex, Your Crush by @darkenedhrt101 when Mamoru tells Usagi it’s not a game to him, not anymore and she tells him she feels the same way?? Pretty sure my eyes turned into those annoying hearts and stayed that way for a damn hour. Thanks. Her Eyes by @goligolak when we get a little jelly Mamoru? Why do we like that? What is it about a possessive side showing from a normally cool and calm man that just makes our engines revving? Mmmmm. Royal Affairs by @master-ray5 I can’t say what my favorite scene is because it’s a spoiler. But just know, I love it when the author misdirects you only to twist you back around at the end. You’re mad but not for long. A true “oh you little bugger” moment. Divinity Series by @nebelflecke when Gaia shows her powers to the Prince of Earth? God, she is such a badass I LOVE IT! There are scenes that I love from @sailormoonserenity489 as well but they aren’t published yet. The scene inside the bookstore for the nightmare fic you’re working on? So dark and beautiful, I love it. I can smell the dust from the books when I read it. Those are the scenes written THIS YEAR that I loved save for @nebelflecke because she has written for that fic this year but I’m so behind on the series, I haven’t gotten to it yet.

6. A fic or scene that challenged you?

The scene in Poisoned Mind where Mamoru finds Usagi dead. It killed me to hurt him like that and I had to dig a little inside myself and my own sorrow from death to get it right. That was rough. I had to step away for a few days after I got it all down. I wrote to where he brings her back before I stopped so I could sleep at night though.

7. A line of writing you’re proud of?

“It was an accident. I lost my parents and my memories of them. So...in truth, I lost them completely. The most you can lose a person, their death in your reality and in your imagination." "Like with us." His face changed into what she could only guess was confusion, having never seen the look on his face towards her before. "Huh?" "We died and forgot. Twice." There were hands on her, pulling her and she met something hard...and soft at the same time. Mamoru was holding her, tight. With his arms around hers, she couldn't move them, to hold him in return or push him away. He wasn't giving her a choice in this.

-Now What?

I know the whole ‘story’ of Mamoru’s sad past has been done many times over. But the reason I’m proud of this scene is that it wasn’t intentional. I was just writing what made sense with the flow of the scene and their relationship. Just by doing that, it inspired fanart. I never expected that and it was the first time someone took my words and made it into a visual. A very pretty visual by @iamcharlotte that is also the cover art for the fic.

8. A comment that touched you:

I wouldn’t say this one touched me because that would be a little creepy but it still makes me laugh when I so much as think about it. And a little proud of myself too if I’m being honest.

“Boy, you ruin my undies. This was really good.”

This wasn’t posted by a guest but in case they don’t want their name and ruined undies broadcasted on Tumblr, I’m not including the name of the reviewer lol. This is no way means I didn’t love or feel touched by any of my other reviews. You guys are awesome. Thank you for the love.

9. Something that inspired your writing this year:

Music. Always, always music. And reading. Really I can’t read or watch something without getting inspired. It’s why I don’t do a whole lot of either unless forced (aka hubby wants to watch something with me). Even my kid’s shows tend to have scenes for stories running through my brain. It’s nice except I worry I’ll still have things ‘to write’ left untouched when I die.

10. Your proudest accomplishment (that one scene; finally finishing that one fic; posting your first fic; etc)

I’d have to say my first fully completed challenge. MamoUsaWeek this year really tested me because I stupidly thought it started a week later than it did. There was no prep or time to write beforehand, everything was written the day of. Which explains a lot I’m sure lol. But I still got them done and I’m really proud of that.

11. Do you have any writing goals for the next year?

Oh god. YES! I have fics to finish and start posting (seriously posting is the WORST part in my book. I’d have someone else do it for me if I could.) And then fics I need to finish before I can post them. I plan to get my manuscript out to some publishers and see if that goes anywhere and if it doesn’t, self publish again. And I need to finish my other originals, like yesterday, and start querying publishers. Also, I started writing Inuyasha fanfics so once they are betaed, we’ll see how life is outside the SM fandom.

I guess it’s a bit clique and overdone but honestly out of everything I’m proud of the fandom as a whole. My year here has been one of surprise, failure, and celebration. There were moments when we all pulled together and showed our strength as a group and times things fell flat. But all in all, I’m so happy with where I am in the fandom and thankful for all of you that follow me here or on ff. Thank you to everyone that has shown your support however you could.

Alright, this was fun but a bear. So I’m tagging all my betas and must-read writers for this one. You must all complete this report as I did!!! @darkenedhrt101 @master-ray5 @nebelflecke @angelmoongirl @sailormoonserenity489 @goligolak @knowall7k @beautymercurydragon good luck to you my friends!

#sailor moon #any fandom really #just answer the questions #don't be lazy

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inconvenient-sneezes · 5 years

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chapter 3 of the walking dead fic, “something wicked this way comes.”

read chapter 1 read chapter 2

Chapter 3: The Day Will Come

Negan continued to drive and for a couple hours, it began to rain. Hard. The droplets pelted the RV’s metal roof and the resulting sound inside the trailer was nearly deafening.

He would’ve have been able to hear if Rick snuck up on him again. Negan let his mind wander and imagined Rick, tip-toeing behind the driver’s seat, raising that heavy weapon above his head until he let gravity take over, smashing Negan’s skull. He pictured his own brain’s grey and white matter splattered on the windshield and on the seat.

He let the intrusive thoughts go, determined to stay realistic. After all, he wasn’t really worried about Rick, mostly because he had locked Rick up in the back room, and Negan could still feel the key in his pocket. He wasn’t surprised when Rick didn’t put up a fight, but he was also a bit relieved. He could feel himself getting sicker by the minute and new this headcold was going to kick him on his ass.

Without taking his hands off the wheel, he sneezed loudly into his shoulder. “Hh’EHSHOO!”

The silence following was noticeable. Negan half-expected to hear Rick call out a “bless you!”

He shook his head, as if trying to clear it, and ended up sneezing again. “Uh’SSHHSHOO!”

The second sneeze made his head hurt, and he was surprised when he heard himself audibly groan.

Thankfully, they were almost back. After a few minutes, he took his foot off the gas pedal and the trailer squealed as Negan applied the brakes.

Negan unlocked Rick’s door and sniffed, staring at him. When Rick didn’t move, Negan slammed his fist on the wall. “Hey.”

“We’re here, prick,” he said nasally, opening the door wider. “Aw, is this hard for you?”

Rick didn’t answer. No surprise there, Negan thought. The silence pressed him to continue.

“Rick, you’ve been king for some time. It m-must have been hard to see two of your— hh’ESHHOO!”

Negan snapped forward with another desperate-sounding sneeze and silently hoped he wouldn’t sneeze again. Weak-willed men disgusted him and having a cold made him feel… weak. There was no other way to describe it.

“It must’ve been hard to see two of your own gone, just like that,” he said, snapping his fingers for emphasis. “Getting them clipped like that — one nut, then the other — and in front of your boy? Whew, that had to be tough.”

Negan shook his head, and took the opportunity to quickly run a finger under his nostrils, sniffling again.

“I mean, hey. That’s some fucked up shit.”

He opened the trailer’s medicine cabinet and snatched a bottle of hydrogen peroxide, smiling to himself. Oh, goody. He picked up the axe and rubbed the bloody blade on Rick’s leather jacket, smearing the innards of walkers and probably human victims on his clothes. Rick resisted the urge to duck out of his way.

Then Negan opened the bottle of peroxide and watched its contents escape as he poured the stuff all over the blade. He was grateful he was so congested, because the smell of hydrogen peroxide made him nauseous.

“Boom, boom. Well, that’s all over isn’t it? Over and done with, huh?”

Rick shrugged away from him as Negan sat down, wiping the axe off with a dirty towel. Negan did so in the quiet, until he decided to fill the space with some words of wisdom.

“But you know, you can still be a leader, Rick. You can lead a productive, fruitful life, producing for me. What’s better than that?”

Like usual, Rick didn’t answer. His blue eyes looked watery as Negan extended the now-clean axe across the table. A peace offering. Not really.

“You’ll need it,” he said, holding it out. “I just got a feeling.”

He sniffled, waiting for Rick to take it, and rubbed his nose, aggravated. “Take it, Rick. Jesus Christ.”

Rick snatched the weapon from Negan without saying a word. After a few tense seconds, Negan suddenly grabbed Rick by his collar and dragged him out of the trailer, just like before. They were surrounded by others — the Saviors, all standing in a circle staring at them — and Negan wanted a final show. He threw Rick to ground, who landed face first.

“Let me ask you something Rick,” Negan said, his sinuses prickling. Fuck. “Do you even know what that little trip was a-ahhh… about?

Rick began to pull himself out of the dirt as Negan’s breath caught again and he snapped forward with a loud sneeze. “Hih’RDSCHOO!”

Nearby, one of the Saviors jumped at the sudden sound. Rick’s son, Carl, watched his father stand, shakily.

Negan rubbed his nose on his sleeve, irritated. “Speak when you’re spoken to,” he snapped at the man in front of him.

“Okay,” Rick said, his voice hoarse and gravelly.

“We took that trip because of the way you looked at me,” Negan explained, still sniffling.

If only his goddamn nose would stop running. “I needed to change that. I needed to change that look on your face, you know?”

As Rick looked up at him, Negan shook his head. Rick was still looking at him the same damn way as before. His spirit was seemingly unbreakable.

“Should I give you another chance, Rick? Because I’m just not sure.”

Rick nodded before his voice returned. “Y-yes,” he said, his words barely a whisper. “Yes.”

Negan smiled, flashing his teeth. “Let’s get back to it, then. It’s been a shit day, hasn’t it?”

He didn’t wait for Rick to respond. “Let’s see if it’s just going to be your shit day, or everyone’s last shit day. What do you think?”

Negan watched Rick glace around at the other’s from his group. Michonne. Carl. Daryl. Most of them didn’t look it, but they were afraid.

“L-let’s get some guns on ’em,” Negan stammered before snapping forward with another sneeze. “Huh’SZSHOOO!”

The Saviors did as ordered, and handful of them cocked their weapon and put it against the skulls of Rick’s people. Negan saw Rick’s Adam’s apple bob and Negan felt his stomach flip. There was something about seeing true fear in another man that did things to him.

Negan snuffled into the back of his hand, shaking his head. “If y’all have to fire, man. This is going to make a real big mess.”

He pointed at Carl and saw the light in Rick’s eyes disappear. “Hey kid,” Negan said, beckoning Carl over.

“Come here. Right here.”

Wordlessly, Carl stood up from where he’d been kneeling and walking toward his father and the man holding his father captive. He stared fearlessly at Negan.

“You use your left hand a lot?”

“What?” Carl snapped, defensive.

Negan smirked, patient. “Are you a lefty?”

“Nope.”

He nodded, examining a long, leather belt in his hand. “Alright, good.”

Negan grabbed Carl’s left arm roughly and tightened the belt around it, sniffling all the while. Fuck this stupid cold. He was making a makeshift tourniquet, whether or not the kid knew it. All that was important to Negan was that Rick knew what he was doing to his son.

“That hurt?” he asked, tightening the belt some more.

Carl shook his head. “No.”

“It’s supposed to,” he said, snatching Carl’s hat off his head and tossing it to one of the Saviors. “Alright, sit down next to your daddy. Let’s get this show on the road.”

Carl knelt on the gravel until Negan pushed him flat on his stomach, then nodded, satisfied. He felt the urge to sneeze again, but fought it off, blinking back tears.

Negan then searched the group of people until he saw the man he was looking for. “Hey, Simon. You got a pen I can borrow?”

The other man nodded. “Sure,” he said, tossing a marker Negan’s way. Negan took the marker and drew a thick, black line on the upper half of Carl’s arm.

“There we go. Perfect. Couldn’t have done it better.”

“Please,” Rick said, his voice hushed and barely above a whisper. “Please don’t. Don’t do it.”

Negan chuckled, then gasped with the sudden urge to sneeze. “H-huh! Huh’FFSHHOO! Ooh, did I get ya?”

Rick ignored it. “You don’t have to do this,” he said, voice cracking.

“Me?” Negan smiled, spitting into the dirt. “Oh, I ain’t doing shit.”

He dragged his forearm under his nose before continuing. “Listen, Rick. I want you to use that axe and just go ahead and cut your son’s left arm off. That’s it. Just right on that line I drew.”

Neither Carl nor Rick said a word. The area was silent, save for Negan’s quick sniffs.

“Okay, I get it. You’re processing what I just said. That’s fine. I still need you to do it, though,” Negan said, gesturing to Rick’s people. “Or all these folks here are going to die.”

This time, it was Michonne who spoke up. “Please, you don’t have to do this. We understand — we all do,” she told him shakily.

Negan shook his head. “No, see, you understand. I don’t think old Rick here gets it. E-ehh… excuse me for one— hh’PFSSHSH!”

He rubbed his pink nostrils before continuing. “Listen, it needs to be a clean slice. I know it’s fucked up to say, but kind of like a slice of salami. Just a clean cut, nothing messy.”

Rick didn’t move.

“We have a great doctor here,” Negan said, smiling. “The kid will be fine, probably.”

Negan saw a bead of sweat drip down Rick’s forehead. “Rick, I need this now. Let’s go.”

“Let it be me,” Rick said, voice trembling. “Do it to me. Please.”

Negan shook his head. “Uh huh. That’s not what I want. Pick up the axe, Rick.”

When Rick didn’t move, Negan grabbed Lucille. “If you don’t make a decision Rick, you’re making an even bigger decision. You really want these people to die? You’ll see every little thing — every ugly thing — and your eyes will be wide open the whole time.”

Rick moaned but it didn’t sound human. It was the noise of a broken animal. Negan slammed Lucille on the ground. “I’m counting! Three!”

“Please,” Rick sobbed. “It can be me. It can be me.”

“Two!” All this yelling was sure hurting his sore throat.

“Please don’t do this,” Rick cried out.

Negan slapped his face and grabbed his chin, pulled Rick close to him. He started into Rick’s watery eyes, resisting the urge to sneeze again. The man looked soulless.

“Rick, this is it,” he said.

Rick took the axe in his trembling hands and let out a guttural moan. Negan turned to see Carl’s reaction. He was lying motionless on the ground, watching his father.

“Just do it, Dad,” he said. “Just do it.”

Rick raised the axe above his head, sobbing, and felt Negan’s hand on his wrist. “Rick, you’re mine. Do you understand that? You provide for me. You belong to me.”

Rick stared up at him, lip trembling and tears running down his face. “Right?”

The other man seemed frozen and Negan, fed up, grabbed Rick’s face. “Speak when you’re fucking spoken to,” he snapped, before his jaw went slack. “Hih’RRISSH!”

He just narrowly missed sneezing on Rick.

“Yes, yes,” Rick choked out, gasping for breath.

“You answer for me! You provide for me!”

“I provide for you,” Rick said hoarsely.

“You belong to me, right?”

“Right,” he nodded, breathing heavily. Another tear slipped down his cheek.

Negan clapped. “Yes! See, that is the look I wanted to see. Right there.” He took off his red bandana and dabbed at his nose. “Everyone, we did it! We all did it, together. Even those dead guys. Shit, they did as much as any of us, right? Today was a fucking productive day.”

Negan’s voice was hoarse and he strained it, trying to yell. “I hope for all your sake that you get it now. I hope you understand how things work here. Whatever you had going for you, that was a pipe dream. It’s over now.”

He pointed to Daryl. “Hey, Simon? Load him up. He’s got guts. I like him.”

As they forced Daryl into a truck, Negan bent close to Rick. “You know why I like him? Because he’s not a fucking pussy like someone else I know.”

“And you know what? You still want to kill me?” Negan asked, shoving Rick until he lost his balance. “I’ll cut pieces off of whatever his name is — Daryl, or whatever — I’ll cut pieces off him and make you eat them. Or better yet, I’ll make you do the messy work.”

“We’ll leave you a truck and be back in one week to collect our offerings,” Negan said. “And by then you b-behhh… you better — HRRISCH! H-hih! Hh’SHUHHH! — you better have lots of goodies for me.”

***

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xononx · 5 years

Text

All Hell Breaks Loose (rewrite) part 1

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: None, just follows the episode

Word count: 1,753

Description: Rewrite of all hell breaks loose part 1&2

You answered your phone to a panicked Dean on the other end, you hadn’t heard from the boys for a couple months but it was good to hear Dean’s voice again. “Y/N is Bobby with you?” He shouted into the phone “Hi Dean, nice to hear from you to” you replied sarcastically, you should have realised from the tone in his voice that something was wrong. “Y/N I don’t have time for this! It’s Sam, he’s missing” you immediately felt guilty for having a go at him for not saying hello. “Uh Bobby’s on a job at the moment, where are you Dean? We’ll come find you” Dean gave you his address and you and Bobby made your way to the oldest Winchester brother. You met up with Dean on the side of a highway, usually you were met with Sarcasam and casual flirtation but you watched Dean pace back and forth in frustration and panic. Bobby brought out a large map of all the demonic possessions and omens within the last month and laid it flat out on the hood of the Impala. You could tell Dean was confused, “Are you joking? There’s nothing here!” He was right, it was dead out there. No sign of demon activity which meant no way of finding Sam. After about another 20 minutes or so of trying to work out another plan Dean got a call from Ash and by the sounds of it, it was something serious. You and Dean made your way to the Roadhouse to talk to Ash with Bobby following closely behind. You were sat in the front seat of the Impala next to Dean, it was a rare occasion that you got to sit up front but you couldn’t really enjoy it. You had never seen Dean like this before, he hadn’t even bothered to turn on the radio which was unlike him.

As you pulled up the driveway you saw black smoke coming from where the Roadhouse used to stand. It had been burnt to the ground. You and Dean rushed out of the Impala, you walked through the remains of the Roadhouse trying to distinguish one body from another “any sign of Ellen or Ash?” Dean asked, you looked around and couldn’t find any sign of either of them “No I don’t think so” not that you could really be sure anyway. You watched Dean bend down over a charred body and shook his head “oh, Ash, damn it!” He yelled. You and Dean walked back over to the Impala where Bobby was standing, his mouth was open and he looked distraught, you knew Bobby knew a lot of hunters, probably half of the people in there. You placed a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. “What the hell did Ash know? We’ve got no way of knowing where Ellen is. Or if she’s even alive. We’ve got no clue what Ash was gonna tell us. Now, how the hell are we gonna find Sam?” Dean was furious now and you didn’t know what you could do to help “We’ll find him.” You tried to reassure him, all of a sudden Dean clutched his forehead in pain “Dean?” You ask to see if he’s ok but he doesn’t respond, Dean groans and doubles over. You move over to him and reach out for his arm to stable him. “What was that?” Bobby asked “I don’t know. A headache?” Dean replied rubbing his head. “You get headaches like that a lot?” Asked Bobby “No. Must be the stress. I could have sworn I saw something.” You and Bobby gave each other a glance “What do you mean? Like a vision? Like what Sam gets?” You asked, Dean looked shocked at your suggestion “What? No! Come on, I’m not some psychic.” Suddenly Dean groans in pain again, you still have a hold of his arm and Dean leans into you with all of his weight, Bobby had to hold onto him to to stop him from falling ontop of you “Dean? Dean! Are you with me?” Bobby asked, Dean took a moment to balance himself “Yeah, I think so. I saw Sam. I saw him, Bobby.” You let go of Dean as he stabled himself leaning against the Impala “It was a vision.” You asked, Dean nodded “Yeah. I don’t know how, but yeah. Whew. That was about as fun as getting kicked in the jewels.” Dean took a few breaths and you leant next to him on the car. “What else did you see?” Bobby asked “Uh… there was a bell.” You looked at him confused “What kind of bell?” Bobby asked again “Like a big bell with some kind of engraving on it, I don’t know.” “Was it a tree? Like, an oak tree? Bobby’s question we’re getting specific you thought, he must have some idea of where this bell was. “Yeah, exactly.” Dean confirmed “I know where Sam is.” Bobby pulled out his map again and pointed to Cold Oak, South Dakota. You recognised the name, “isn’t that town deserted? You asked Bobby “why is it deserted?” Dean asked you, “it’s a town so haunted that everybody practically up and left” bobby responded for the both of you.

Without another words you were back in the Impala making your way to South Dakota, the drive was maybe 3 hours away and you were tempted to fall asleep but you didn’t want to leave Dean to his own thoughts and worries so you blasted one of Dean’s mixtapes and rolled down the windows. You could tell Dean was worried by the way he furrowed his brows and his tensed shoulders. There was not much you could really do to help him when it came to Sam. All you wanted in the world was to make this better for Dean, secretly you wanted to be enough for him but you knew that Dean would always pick Sam over you no matter what. You had this stupid crush on Dean since the day you met him, at the start it was nothing more than some innocent flirting and sexual innuendos but after a few months of that you had noticed how your hands started to get sweaty and your face blushed when you were around him. You had ignored it for the most part, you had even avoided the brothers for awhile to try and distract yourself from it but it was useless as soon as Dean would call you would be there. Dean often made moves on you, after a hunt when you were at a bar, long after Sam had gone to sleep. Dean would lay down one of his pick up lines and you would use all of your self restraint not to follow him back to his motel room. But you had made a deal with yourself, you watched the way he was with other girls and you couldn’t let yourself be another notch in Dean’s belt, you’d never forgive yourself if you did. After the first couple of times with no luck Dean had given up trying to sleep with you, you yearned for the attention from him but you knew you would be better off this way. You and Dean were better as friends, you knew were you stood as friends you would both have each other’s backs always and there would be no confusion or blurred lines.

The Impala pulled up to Cold Oak around 1am you and Dean moved from the front seat of the Impala to the boot and loaded up your bags, holy water, salt shells, the whole nine. Bobby pulled up behind you and did the same, you decided to split up Bobby went one way and you followed Dean the other. It was a freezing night and you could barley see anything in front of you, it was so dark you couldn’t see when Dean had stopped infront of you and you walked straight into the back of him. “Shit sorry” you replied but Dean hardly noticed “do you hear that?” He asked, you focused on the noises around you and you could hear the faint sounds of grunting as if people were fighting. You nodded to Dean and you both moved towards the sound, as you round a corner you can just make out two figures up ahead. “Sam!” Dean called out and the figure turned around. Dean started sprinting towards then and you followed behind as closely as you could. As you got closer you could make out the figure to be Sam. You watched Sam as he clutched his arm and staggered towards Dean and You, exhausted. “Dean!” You could hear the relief in Sam’s voice, Dean’s pace picked up and you struggled to keep up with him. The man lying on the ground next to Sam begins to stir and suddenly wakes up. He grabs the knife from next to him “Sam, look out!” Dean dropped his bag and gun and sprinted towards Sam but it was too late. The man stabs the knife right through Sam’s back. “Noooo!” The man twists the knife, creating a massive wound, before running away. Gasping, Sam falls to his knees. You spot Bobby round the corner and chase after The other guy. Dean reaches Sam first and slides to the ground to catch him before he falls. He grabs onto Sam’s shirt to keep him up. You finally make it to the boys and throw your bags down on the ground. You lift up Sam’s shirt to look at the wound, the knife had gone clean through Sam’s spine. Dean looked at you and you just shook your head. “No, Sam! Whoa, whoa, whoa, Sam. Sam! Hey! Hey, Hey, look at me. It’s not even that bad. It’s not even that bad, all right? Sammy? Sam! Hey, listen to me. We’re gonna patch you up, okay? You’ll be good as new. Huh? I’m gonna take care of you. I’m gonna take you care of you. I’ve got you. That’s my job, right? Watch out for my pain-in-the-ass little brother?”Dean touches his brother's face “Sam? Sam! Sam! Sammy! You hold your hand over your mouth as you watch the brothers, you feel tear after tear rolling down your face, unable to help you were useless in that moment. You watched as Sam’s eyes slide shut. His entire body slumps forward onto Dean “No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, God. Oh, God. SAM!”

TO BE CONTINUED

#supernatural #deanxreader #dean x reader #spn #supernatural fanfiction #fanfiction #dean winchester #sam winchester #bobby singer #all hell breaks loose #dean winchester x reader #dean x y/n #dean smut #dean fluff #angst #dean angst #slow burn

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takingcourage · 5 years

Text

The Start of Forever - Part 5

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Pairing: Drake x MC

Word Count: 2,387

Series Summary: The wedding has passed and the Duke and Duchess of Valtoria are free to begin their lives together away from the constraints of court. While honeymooning in Texas, they’re confronted with questions from their past that raise implications about their future. (Slight AU)

Chapter Summary: Drake and Jena spend some time alone after a difficult conversation with his mother.

Author’s Note: Whew! Apologies for the unexpected hiatus on this story. Now that I have some free time again, I should be able to finish posting this story. I appreciate your patience through the long delay!

Tagging: @andy-loves-corgis, @carabeth, @speedyoperarascalparty

All things considered, Karen Walker had been rather more understanding than she’d expected. As Jena loaded her cereal bowl into the dishwasher, she thought back over the painstaking conversation that had ended less than an hour before.

Drake had not underestimated the effect that their news would have on his mother. On learning that her son had been given a duchy, color had drained slowly from the older woman’s face until a dull white shell was all that remained. In spite of her polite responses, the visceral reactions had been painful for all three of them.

Shortly after their previous discussion had finished, Karen had pulled Drake aside for a private word. After what she'd seen over the past eighteen hours, Jena could only hope that the woman was doing him no further damage.

She tried to convince herself that she’d done nothing but hurry along the inevitable, but guilt assailed her all the same. This certainly wasn’t the way she’d envisioned this day going. At this point, so much of their morning had been consumed by unpleasant conversation that she wondered if Drake would want to leave early for their night back in Dallas. She glanced a the stovetop clock, trying not to get her hopes up.

The quiet intonations from down the hall were at least somewhat reassuring. There had been no yelling -- of that was certain. If she was venturing to guess, she didn’t think she’d heard anything that sounded like crying either. Both seemed like signs in favor of productive conversation between mother and son.

Jena found a rag draped across the head of the faucet, dampened it, and set about clearing crumbs from the table. As she finished the final swipe across the width, she sensed a presence coming toward her.

“You don’t have to do that, Wittman.” The soft-spoken words startled out of her thoughts, despite her intuition.

“I know. But I needed something to do.” She cupped her hand underneath the cloth and shook the contents into a nearby trash can. “You doing okay?” Having rinsed the rag, she returned it to its former spot and rubbed her hands down the front of her jeans.

“Fine.” His brown eyes were trained on her, and she raised a quizzical brow as he opened and shut his mouth. Eventually, the words ventured forth. “Would you be interested in going riding? I was hoping to get the chance to show you around the ranch…”

“I’d like that a lot, actually,” she assured, still taking in his appearance.

Drake looked tired. It was evident in the exaggerated slackness of the skin around his eyes. A pang of guilt plagued her as she contrasted this with their time at the cabin. He’d been so peaceful there. After all of the stress she’d seen on that face in the past months, it sickened her to think that she’d been the cause of more.

“Good. We may as well get over to the stables. Have you ever actually saddled a horse, Wittman?” He raised his brow in challenge.

“No, but I think I’m about to learn how.”

“Just as long as you don’t go scaring the horses. I don’t want to have to reenact that rescue from the derby.”

Jena scoffed at the slight, shaking her head in disbelief as she followed him out the front door. “You know that’s not how it happened, Walker.”

“Of course not,” he acquiesced, treating her to a half smile. She rolled her eyes and fell into step at his side, slipping her fingers into his.

Jena had only ridden horses a few times during childhood, but she’d adjusted to the practice fairly quickly after coming to Cordonia. When she wasn’t taking day-long treks for foxhunting, she found that she actually enjoyed it very much -- especially when she was fortunate enough to have her husband’s company.

Riding around his family’s property spawned memories of exploring Valtoria with him on horseback, and she felt a pang of longing for their home. There was so much waiting for them when they returned. As much as she had enjoyed the honeymoon, some part of her was giddy at the thought of starting real life together.

Today, however, she was focused on Drake’s wellbeing. Other than the extremely thorough instructions as he’d guided her through the process of saddling the horses, he’d been fairly quiet since coming to find her in the kitchen. Jena's mind overflowed with words that could fill the silence, but nothing felt right. She breathed a grateful sigh when he chose to speak instead.

“I was pretty upset with you this morning, Wittman. I was sitting there drinking coffee and thinking that you were being unreasonable -- that you’d judged my mom too harshly. I’m not so sure anymore.”

The uncertainty in his voice halted her instinctive response. Jena breathed out slowly through her nose, biding her time in case there was more he wanted to say.

“I’ve never felt so angry with her before. She can doubt me all she wants, but doubting you -- I never thought she’d go that far. That’s a line she shouldn’t have crossed. I feel like I don’t even know her anymore...”

“For the record, I didn’t want to be right,” Jena admitted softly, grateful that they kept their horses at a relaxed pace so that she could meet his gaze. Her heart clenched at the distance in his deep brown eyes. “I just know what it’s like to defend someone who doesn’t deserve it. Finding out they’re not who you thought they were...it’s a hard pill to swallow.” She fiddled with the leather reins between her fingers, hoping that she was treading lightly enough to cause no offense.

“Your dad?” he asked simply.

Nodding, she met his eyes. The distant look gave way to a tenderness that mirrored her own worry for him, and she was struck by just how broken both of their families had been. “I wasted a lot of years making excuses for him, Drake. When I finally forgave him, it wasn’t because he’d done anything to deserve it. I just needed closure.” Drake stretched out a hand and she took it gratefully before continuing. “I don’t want you to have to go through all of that with your mom. I hope you’re able to figure things out and find a way to start over, but please don’t beat yourself up about it if you’re not.”

Her husband sighed, taking his time to respond as he turned his gaze to the horizon. “I sort of have to. I mean, dad’s not around any more. She doesn’t exactly have anyone else.”

Jena shook her head in an attempt to clear the conflicting emotions. She’d realized long ago that his protective instinct would have a propensity for getting them in trouble. She just hadn’t expected the trouble to take this form. “You always want to defend the people you care about, Drake. It’s one of the first things I noticed about you -- one of the things I love most about you too. But sometimes you have to think about protecting yourself. Sometimes that may even mean letting others protect you.”

“I don’t like to have people worrying about me.”

“We’ve been over this before…”

“I know. And sometimes having you around to worry about me is a good thing. I wouldn’t have come clean with my mom if it hadn’t been for you.”

“I hope it was the right decision.” She’d spent the past several hours second guessing her encouragement from the night before. “Did things...go okay?”

“Heh.”

She waited several moments, but he elaborated no further. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she ventured finally.

“Just that I think it’s going to take some time for her to adjust to the idea that I’m a noble and that I’m staying in Cordonia for good. But I think some part of her is proud too. Maybe someday she’ll come around to the idea that I’m not just wasting my life over there.”

“Does she really think that?” The words felt strangled as Jena worked them out of her throat. So many of her early interactions with Drake became clearer as she considered Karen’s likely influence.

He clicked his tongue to encourage the horse, but her question remained unanswered. Several paces later, he came to a sudden stop. Jena pulled the reins gently and dismounted to stand beside him in the tall grass.

“We’ll let the horses graze for a bit.”

She stroked the mare’s bony cheek and dropped the reins, putting her hands in her pockets instead. Squinting against the mid-morning sun, she followed Drake to a line of fencing nearby. Green stretched before them on every side, the light wind stirring long blades of grass into mesmerizing waves. She wondered vaguely if this was the sight that had enticed Karen to come back from Cordonia. Out here, in the warmth of late spring, it wasn’t hard to imagine the appeal that this land must have held.

Drake leaned against the nearest post, a wrinkle forming between his brows. With ease, Jena mounted the fence beside him, steadying herself with a certain hand.

Did I cross a line? Why hasn’t he answered my question? Jena hated the thought that her carelessness might have caused such distress. A week ago, she wouldn’t have been so bothered by the thought. Now, as this man’s wife, she felt some measure of responsibility to read his mind. The notion was ridiculous, but present nonetheless. Just as she was clearing her throat, he spoke.

“I’m not sure what my mother thinks anymore. She didn’t take it very well when I moved back to Cordonia. Wanted me to forge my own path instead of running back to the palace.”

“Do you ever regret it?”

“Going back?” At her nod, he continued. “I had a lot of questions at the time, but in a way, mom’s right. I’d been following Liam around for so long that it was easier to just settle back into that when I came back from the States. It took me a while to find where I belonged in all of it. But no, I don’t regret it. Cordonia is home.”

“You’ve found your way now. And with or without the courtly graces, you’re still Drake Walker,” she beamed encouragingly. “I just wish your mom had taken the chance to get to who that man is.” A fresh sting of remorse accompanied the words, and she looped her fingers around the hand that rested beside her on the fence.

Drake interlocked his fingers with her own and lifted his face tentatively. “I think I’d like for her to get the chance to.”

Her pulse quickened at the meaning that underpinned his words. Biting her tongue, she shifted her weight toward him and took in his pensive expression.

“I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with.” He hiked a hand through his hair. “But I’m not sure I’d ever forgive myself if I cut the relationship off completely. I’d always wonder if things could have been different. I’m not saying that I want to come out here for Christmases or anything, but--” preoccupied, he ceased speaking as she squeezed his hand.

“I’ll support whatever you choose, Drake. I can’t say I have a very good first impression of her, but I respect how much she means to you. If I had any hope of my dad changing for the better, I’d probably make the same choice.” Her tone grew wistful at the impossible notion. “But I think we’re going to have to find a compromise. I don’t want you bending over backward to make her a part of our lives if she won’t even meet you halfway. You can’t do that to yourself, Drake.”

“Agreed.”

“So she’s going to have to understand that there are boundaries she can’t cross. It’s going to take some time for us to establish trust again.”

“Sounds fair to me,” he considered, stroking her knuckles with his thumb as he looked to her face. “She’s been through a lot, Jena. I don’t want to put her through more than she deserves.”

“I know,” she responded quickly to the flash of pain in his eyes. “But if she puts you through more than you deserve, she’ll have me to contend with.” Although her tone was light, they both knew that the threat was genuine.

He hoisted himself onto the fence beside her, dropping his hands to his sides. “I never thought I’d be so happy to get back to Valtoria, but I’m really looking forward to it.”

She offered a wry smile. “I am too. I know we’re going to try to work things out here, but I can’t wait to get back to Dallas and then home.”

“It’s the last night of our trip, Wittman. How do you want to spend it?”

“Seeing as it’s the last night of our honeymoon,” she emphasized, “I was thinking room service, hot tub, and…some drinks.”

“Now that’s a plan I can get behind.”

“I’m not going overboard though. We’ve got a day full of traveling tomorrow.”

“We’ll sleep it off on the plane.”

“Maybe you will," she joked, hopping down from the fence. “I’ll be awake for it all.”

“Even if I keep you up all night?”

Jena threw him a look over her shoulder. "That didn’t exactly work for the trip out here." He extended a hand toward her and she settled into the space between his legs, running her palms against toned thighs that were stretched taut from his heels pressing into the lower rail.

"I’ll take that as a challenge.” The glint in his eyes sent tendrils of heat through her core.

“Just keeping you on your toes, Walker.”

Drake shook his head at her accompanying wink.

“Ready when you are,” she announced, rising to the tips of her toes. Drake cradled her cheek in his hand and leaned into the kiss. His lips were soft and warm, heated by the morning sun. She snaked her arms around his waist and melted into him with pleasure. When she finally pulled away, it took several moments for her head to clear.

The kiss told her all she needed to know. They would make it through this. Together.

#playchoices #playchoices fanfiction #the royal romance #trr #drake walker #drake x mc

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bluerene · 6 years

Text

river, part four [starx]

whew, okay, I’m home, it’s late, but I’m putting this out anyways. Linking parts one, two and three, aaaaaand dividing this chapter up a little bit because formatting and length were bothering me. Next chapter should be up by Tuesday night. I work both jobs back-to-back tomorrow so no chances of updates then. As always, all my love for @fireflyxrebel who literally inspired this whole thing and is practically the only reason I wrote it (the other being a sad lack of StarX content and my need to change that).

Let me know what y’all think!

bless <3

blue

Friday didn’t go by fast enough. I woke up and called in sick to work, first thing, intent on decrypting the files I’d stolen the night before. Made myself some eggs and toast, turned on the TV for morning news, set up my laptop, and plugged in the flash drive. Well, no, not true - I burned the toast, forgot to replace the batteries in the remote, and tried to set up the drive incorrectly. Twice. I was distracted. I had a date in twenty-six hours and nothing was ready.

I wasn’t sure why I was so nervous, or why I was so invested in making my time with her perfect.

It didn’t help that I hadn’t stopped thinking about the kiss since it happened.

The thing about fireworks erupting in the background and angels singing is complete bullshit, by the way. There’s nothing earthshaking about it. The kiss didn’t send me to the heavens and back. It just felt right. There was this feeling of comfort that gripped me. She was warm and lovely. Her mouth moved agonizingly slowly against mine. It was torture and bliss and everything I imagined it would be.

And then it was over. She ended it, blushing as she unwound her arms from around my neck. Starfire stammered something about seeing me later and backed away, before shooting into the air.

I waited to hear the tell-tale raven’s call that so often signaled their departure, before teleporting back to my room and flopping onto my bed.

Needless to say, I didn’t get a lot of sleep. I drafted the same text about fifty times, hoping to engage her in conversation.

hey babe. Gross, delete.

that was some kiss. Too forward, she’ll get skittish, delete.

i had a really nice time last night. Where’s the charm? Delete.

i can’t stop thinking about you. It’s not a lie, but it might freak her out. Delete.

saturday, 11 am, key cove. see you there. A little dull, but it’s effective. Sent.

So yeah, stressful evening. Nervous morning. Once the files were finished loading I focused on combing through them. I didn’t like what I saw.

There were blueprints and notes, pdf versions of hastily scribbled equations and messy theories. Plans for some kind of incubation chamber. A complex formula for what appeared to be a chemical virus that could eradicate mutations in DNA. Footnotes that listed the unpredictable factors that could occur, and the ones that had occurred in test subjects.

Where they saw the likelihood of medical innovation, my clients would see the potential for biological warfare.

Shit.

I disconnected the flash-drive and wiped the files from my laptop, initiating a self-diagnostic run to sweep for any bugs that may have come with the folder. Not good, not good at all. The trade was supposed to go down later tonight. There wasn’t enough time for me to come up with an alibi or skip town.

I grimaced, already imagining the beating I would take for backing out of the exchange.

Fuuuuuuuck.

Laptop was clean, so there was a silver lining. I still had to destroy both drives and set some sort of trap for the meetup. I needed that money. I wasn’t going away from this without it.

There was a beep coming from my bedroom, which meant my burner phone had received a message. I put my laptop away and shoved the flash-drives into my pocket, curious as to who had contacted me.

12:34 pm - unknown: bring the drives tonight @ 2 am, 811 lilac rd, construction zone. we have the money.

I knew better than to respond.

My cell rang not long after, and for a moment, I was struck with the fear that they’d somehow gotten my private number and figured out who I was and where I was staying.

But the ID was different. I couldn’t help but grin as I lifted the phone to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Oh...Red X?” Starfire confirmed, sounding a bit taken aback.

“The one and only, cutie.”

“Your voice is different.”

“I don’t live in the suit,” I replied, amused by her curiosity, “why are you calling?”

“I would like to see you tonight.”

Ahhhhh, no, beautiful, we can’t do that.

“I thought you couldn’t sneak out at night.”

“It will be difficult, but I believe I can make it work. If it is convenient for you,” she added hastily.

It really wasn’t, but how could I tell her that?

“Not a problem,” I said smoothly, “meet me at Key Cove tonight, whenever your patrol gets done. Wear something comfortable.”

“Very well. I shall see you then.”

“Sounds good.”

“X? Thank you,” she said softly.

I hung up without another word.

It was not turning out to be my day.

I took a couple of deep breaths and set my phone down, thinking hard about what I was going to do. As far as the date went, I had most things prepared. There was an Italian restaurant down the road, a little bistro called Vinum Domum. It was locally owned by an elderly couple, who were more than happy to offer me a free meal on account of the fact that it was for a date and I apparently needed all the help I could get.

Patrols usually ended between nine and eleven, depending on the route taken and the amount of crime occurring. Jump had a fairly quiet night-life. Starfire would probably show meet me around ten. I’d take her to the planetarium, we’d have a nice dinner, watch the movie I’d selected, hopefully kiss again, and wrap up just in time for me to make the deal. I had enough hours before to try and edit the files so that they were missing the doomsday parts. It would be shitty, and probably a bit obvious that I’d tampered with the drives, but it was significantly better than handing over Jump City’s death certificate.

Plan set, I put it all in motion.

I called Rosalie and Pietro Alexander right away, requesting a bottle of cider and two meals for pick-up in the evening. They made me swear to bring her by the restaurant the next time I had the chance. I laughed, trying not to entertain the idea because if I did, it would be stuck in my head forever.

I retrieved various things from around my apartment - a couple of blankets and pillows, plates, cups, utensils, the DVD I was planning on playing, popcorn, candy, and a pack of battery-operated candles. Stuffed most of it into a bag and set aside the rest to load onto my motorcycle when it came time to leave.

I worked on the files for a couple of hours. Chopped up the uglier parts, patching it up with glitching copies that (hopefully) looked like a virus had eaten away at the documents. I redacted portions of the formula, fiddled with the numbers. Deleted a couple of footnotes, added a few that emphasized the unpredictability of the science and made the data look less reliable. I kept enough information to satisfy them but removed enough to keep people safe. That was all I could really do.

I showered at eight and got a little dressed up. Black fitted jeans and shoes, a maroon button-down, an old woven bracelet that belonged to my mother around my wrist. Packed the Red X suit into the bag I had already filled, keeping the mask and belt ready for use.

All that was left was for me to wait, and I did.

An hour later, I got her message.

10:12 pm - unknown: i will see you shortly

Okay, fuck.

It was now or never.

Raven was quick to notice the scarlet blush I was undoubtedly wearing but knew better than to comment until we were safely in the confines of her room.

We teleported to the common room, where Robin, Cyborg, and Beast Boy were still waiting.

“All good?” Robin asked, rising from the couch.

Raven shrugged, sparing me the trouble of responding.

“Didn’t catch him, he was long gone by the time we arrived. Nothing was stolen, but the security officers received an alert that the main lab was breached so there’s a chance some research may have been copied.”

Robin sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, “okay, we’ll have to deal with that later. Thanks, guys.”

He was rarely so collected when an instance like this occurred. I couldn’t help the warmth that filled me when he turned my way.

“You okay, Star?”

“Hmm?” my blush deepened as I realized what he was asking, “oh, yes, I am the o and the k.”

“Lookin’ a little flushed, princess.” Cyborg teased, nudging Beast Boy with a grin.

“I am simply tired. I would like to turn in for the evening,” I replied in my most dignified tone.

“Good idea, I vote we all do it,” Raven said.

Beast Boy raised an eyebrow, “it’s not even midnight.”

“You could use the beauty sleep,” she shot back.

I giggled behind my hand, grateful for her ability to distract while I composed myself. Cyborg laughed loudly while they bickered, which had become rather frequent as of late. I believe all of us were waiting for them to ‘kiss and make up’, as Cyborg so often told them.

“Guys,” Robin interrupted, shaking his head, “it’s late. If you’re tired, go to bed, if not, make sure you lock the tower down before you leave the common room.”

“Sure thing, Dad.” Beast Boy replied, flopping back onto the couch.

Robin grumbled under his breath and cast me one more glance, before turning and exiting the room.

Raven curled her fingers around my wrist and tugged gently, “we should talk.”

“I believe that would be prudent,” I said, following her into the hallway.

She pulled me into her bedroom and onto the floor, crossing her legs and looking at me expectantly.

“Well?”

I touched my fingers to my lips and smiled faintly, “he kissed me.”

The lights flickered and Raven’s eyes flared for a moment.

“What?” She asked in a dangerously quiet voice.

I explained that I had messed with his belt and arrived at his home, where we had a short conversation.

She waited until I was finished speaking, her mouth pressed in a thin line by the end of my narrative.

“So you guys are dating?”

“We are going on a date,” I corrected, “it may not lead anywhere.”

“But you kissed.”

“Yes.”

“And you enjoyed it,” she confirmed.

I blushed, “surprisingly, yes, very much.”

She leaned back on her hands and sighed, “wow, okay, that’s a lot.”

“I do not mean to burden you-”

“It’s not that,” Raven reassured me, “it’s just...what about Robin?”

My heart fluttered, my stomach churned, my head ached at the sound of his name.

Raven’s eyes widened as I let my emotions flow through me, “I see.”

“Indeed,” I murmured, “my feelings for Robin are complicated. They are still there. I do not think I will ever be rid of them. But Red X makes me feel...desired. Powerful, even. He sees me differently.”

“I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you how terrible of an idea this is?”

I smile, “I am well aware of the repercussions at hand, Raven. I will be discreet.”

“Azar, I hope so,” she muttered, allowing a half-smile to quirk upon her lips, “If this is what you want, I have your back.”

I squeezed her hand gratefully and stayed with her for a little while after, eager to chat about her developing relationship with Beast Boy. She kicked me out of her room shortly after, advising that I go to sleep, warning me that it would not come to me easily.

She was correct. I tossed and turned, contemplating various messages I could send him. Nothing came out of it, except for a single, full thought - I wanted to see him soon.

Just as my eyes gave way to heaviness, the sound of a message pinged from my phone, jolting me awake.

3:26 am - unknown: saturday, 11 am, key cove. see you there.

I bit my lip, thumbs hovering over the digital keyboard. X’hal, how could I possibly wait another day and a half? I could barely make it through this night, let alone another.

If I could establish a means of escape, I could attempt to see him tomorrow.

I opted to set my phone aside and try to sleep. I hoped the next morning would bring some clarity.

I continued to fret quietly for an hour, recalling the kiss over and over in my mind until it was seared in place.

I had never been kissed properly. The others might tell you they witnessed it in Tokyo with the boy on the street, or when I assimilated Atlantean from Aqualad, or when I first met Robin, but that is not true. Language transference, while not unpleasant, does not evoke any enjoyment from me. It is a skill I have used many times with many beings, regardless of how I might feel about them.

But kissing was different. It was not the hard connection between unmoving mouths, guided by a tight grip on the person’s shoulder or neck. There was no rush of thought, no compounded headache as a side-effect.

It was much softer and gentler, like the first kisses I saw so often in films and on television.

One of Red X’s hands had found my waist while the other held my wrist, rubbing circles on my skin with his thumb. His mouth moved sweetly against mine, coaxing movement from my frozen state.

I tugged my hand from his grip and wound my arms around his neck, sliding my fingers along the bottom of his mask to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. He squeezed my hips and pulled me closer, drawing a squeal of surprise from my lips. He deepened the kiss, shaking with silent laughter at my enthusiasm.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew it was not the time, nor the place. Reluctantly, I drew back, stumbling through a goodbye before darting into the air, fighting the urge to look back at him.

I felt angry with myself afterward, for too many reasons. Angry because in a way, I had betrayed Robin. Angry because I had let it go farther than I intended. Angry because somewhere, I knew with full certainty, Raven was correct. Somewhere, something in me had attached itself to Red X. And I was happy because of it.

I slept fitfully through the night, coming in and out of lustful dreams that left me flushed and nervous and exhausted. I was no stranger to these feelings, but with Robin I felt in control, certain of the boundaries and lines we had drawn, comfortable in our established relationship. Now, every rule I had given myself had vanished. I did not know where X’s feelings stretched or where his walls were built; I did not know where he felt comfortable being touched or what he saw in me. It was unexplored territory, and it ignited a delicious fear in me that I could not help but enjoy.

Now, I suppose this was a side-effect of the many romance books I indulged in, where heroines had their hearts stolen by handsome thieves as they were rushed into a whirlwind love story. It was an idea that I found both charming and delightful on so many levels.

I woke when the first rays of sunlight peeked through my curtains. I opted to stay in my room and observe the sunrise on my own. Robin usually liked to join me on the roof most mornings, but I could not bear to be around him while I was feeling so guilty and confused and struck with the love.

Not that I was in love. But I have learned, despite what the phrase implies, that you do not have to mean you love something just because you say you do.

Once dawn had fully broken through the clouds, I considered going back to sleep, but I was too restless to crawl into bed. So I began the day.

I selected some casual garments from my closet - a pair of cropped running pants, a bright purple sports bra with black straps, and a soft blue zippered sweatshirt - and changed out of my sleepwear. It seemed like a pleasant day for a run around Titan Island. Perhaps I could practice training in the simulation hall. I felt charged by the sun, my fingertips tingling with unspent energy.

Quietly, so I would not disturb the others, I slipped out of my room and made my way to the stairwell that led to the rooftop. Robin did not usually linger there unless I was also with him.

I spent a few hours outside. I have always loved the cool taste of the air, salted by the sea breeze. I dove from the tower and allowed myself to fall until I caught onto a large gust of wind and flowed in its direction. I twisted and turned through the air, pushing myself to go faster until everything around me blurred into unfamiliar shapes.

My communicator beeped loudly from my waist and I stopped immediately, hovering in the clouds while I flipped my device open.

“Raven?”

“Starfire, where are you?” she asked impatiently, raising a hand to quiet someone beside her.

“I went out for a morning flight. Why?”

She sighed and shook her head, “Robin got worried when you didn’t join him on the roof this morning. And you weren’t at breakfast, and your communicator indicated you were in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.”

I blushed, averting my gaze, “I may have flown farther than I intended. Please do not worry, I will return shortly.”

“You know,” Raven said quickly, before I could hang up on the call, “Things will never be the same between you two, but you should probably talk to him. Avoiding an issue doesn’t make it go away. He’s starting to feel like he’s losing you.”

“You cannot lose what you never had,” I said, smiling sadly, “I will see you soon.”

I did not rush back to the Tower. An ugly feeling had settled in the pit of my stomach at the prospect of seeing Robin, who would undoubtedly be frustrated and concerned for my well-being. Raven did the lessening of the situation when she explained it to me - she would only ever call to check on me if something serious motivated her.

I let myself drop lower, nearer to the surface of the water, and dipped my hands in, enjoying the cool after-splash that followed. I spied a trio of dolphins surfacing in the distance, their glistening fins cutting through the rippling sea before they burst through the blue.

I sighed, envious of their freedom. To be with the one you wanted, free to go as you pleased, unburdened by who you might hurt, or who you already have.

I knew I could not delay the inevitable for much longer.

I landed on the rooftop of the tower almost thirty minutes later and hurried to the common room, biting my lip as the doors slid open.

Raven and Robin were in a deep, seemingly heated conversation at the breakfast table, while Beast Boy and Cyborg were cooking something at the stove, their backs turned to me.

I plastered on a cheerful smile and threw my hands into the air.

“Good morning friends!”

Robin’s head snapped up at the sound of my voice, his expression alarmingly blank.

“Good morning to you too, lil’ lady,” Cyborg said with a grin, “where have you been?”

“I merely went for a flight. I apologize, I did not mean to travel so far.” I said, smiling back, “I hope I did not cause any of you concern”

Robin pushed back his chair and stood up.

“Don’t worry, Starfire, you didn’t.”

I dropped to the ground, abandoning all pretenses of happiness as he stalked past me.

“I’m not very hungry, Cy. Got work to catch up on,” he said loudly.

The doors slid shut as soon as he exited the common room, and I felt three pairs of eyes lock on me.

I slid into a seat at the kitchen counter and sighed, resting my chin against my fist.

“He is angry,” I murmured.

Cyborg and Beast Boy exchanged a glance.

“Well, y’know, Star, you’ve been kinda weird around him lately,” Beast Boy offered, rubbing the back of his neck, “he’s probably just worried about you.”

“Is everythin’ okay between you two?” Cyborg asked, touching my shoulder.

I wanted to laugh. Things had never been less okay or more uncertain with Robin and I. I felt sick to my stomach when I thought about where things were headed for us. And worse, the guilt I had felt when I kissed Red X was fading, vanishing so quickly it was as if there had only ever been happiness.

I did not tell Cyborg this. I promised him things were the O and K, and that I was the same, and we would be as well. I excused myself from breakfast quickly and hurried towards my room. I could hear heavy, angry grunts from the gym when I passed it, and the muffled sound of fists attacking a weighted bag. Robin was undoubtedly in there, forcing his fury out in a way that would protect him. I lingered by the doorway for a moment, recalling all the times when I pulled him away from his training or studied his movements with undisguised admiration.

Now it is easy for me to float by, barely sparing a glance as I catch the shadows of his form in the pale lights. This is what it feels like to bury your love so deep it cannot break from your chest. I wonder if this is what Robin feels when he glances at me, in all the moments he thinks I have not noticed his attention.

X’hal, what was I doing to myself? It was not fair to me or Robin or Red X. I could not continue to pine for one boy while tempting the other. It was not right.

The pit in my stomach grew heavier.

NEXT: what’s up with Starfire?, some Robin insight, and (finally!!!) the date

#river #part four #starx #starfire #red x #blue writes #fanfic #fireflyxrebel ily this is for u

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fursttimes · 3 years

Text

Pandemic trip to South Korea

10/22/20 - 11/22/20 If you haven’t yet been to South Korea, I highly recommend it.

Why South Korea?

I wanted to visit South Korea for over a year since I discovered K Pop (and especially K R&B) and started watching K Dramas. Here’s a gorgeous scene from the historical romance Mr. Sunshine.

My goal is to consume K content without subtitles. After studying on my own and hiring two different language teachers, I wasn’t improving much. In this situation, I rely on immersion.

I also listened to Miyoko Schinner’s Home Comforts where she cooks every Friday on a theme. That day, she was cooking Korean food inspired by her recent trip to South Korea. She said there was an entire vegan street in Seoul. Then she said she brought a rescue dog back to SFO as the volunteer courier and that it was really easy.

As a 1st world country, South Korea shouldn’t be as challenging to navigate as other places.

Why now?

Yes, it’s odd that I’d be traveling during a pandemic where there’s a deadly airborne virus spreading across the globe. Don’t get me wrong, there were a few bright spots during the year, Animal Run’s 1st Virtual Event being one, but combine the factors of

South Korea being a model for having one of the best containment strategies in the world (they never truly had a shut down)

Random lock downs in California

Weight gain from working from home

Working from home all by myself (with my cats)

I was buying useless things online

One cat passed away

Heat waves

Multiple forest fires

An extra-depressing day of being trapped underneath the dark smoky skies without sunlight

6 months left in a contract job that doesn’t require much brain power

Another crazy presidential election looming

I haven’t gone overseas since 2014

I’ve never been there before so my anticipation level was high

I wanted to bring a rescue dog back with me

My partner was OK with holding down the fort for a month without me

My job approved working remotely for two weeks and then taking two weeks off

10 days after getting approval from work, I boarded a plane to quarantine for two weeks and then explore the small but mighty country.

What’s the worst that could happen?

I could die. But when it’s time ...

I could catch the virus and spread it. But I was quarantining so bringing it back to the US was more likely than bringing it into South Korea.

My work laptop wouldn’t work.

Flight to Seoul

The direct flight was 12 hours and super easy. The plane was only 1/3 full so I was able to lie down and sleep for most of the trip. When I woke up, there was only 1.5 hours left before I landed at 4am.

Stuck 4 hours at Incheon Airport

I pride myself on my research. Sure, I only had 10 days to study but I’ll watch a few YouTube videos and do some Google searching of what quarantine would be like. Then once done with my quarantine work day, I’d plan how to navigate the country which I knew very little about.

Fact: When you don’t know what you don’t know, that’s just life testing you.

The plane landed smoothly and I turned on the airport wifi which was much stronger than SFO wifi. We walked over to immigration and they asked me why I was here. I’m a tourist. Do I know anyone in South Korea? No. I was able to pass to the next section.

Down the hall, there were several tables with young military people interviewing everyone who just landed. I sat down and they asked what I was doing here. I’m a tourist. Do I know anyone in South Korea? No. Do I know anyone with a South Korean phone number. No.

They explained they needed to call a South Korean phone number with someone on the other end who would pick up and say that they would be my “guardian” during my time in South Korea. I told them that I thought the procedure was to install a sim card in my phone so I could be tracked wherever I went. They said no, they didn’t know about that, but I still needed the Korean phone number.

I told them to call my hotel which I reserved for after quarantine. The hotel denied my request. Until I could come up with a phone number and guardian, I could not leave the airport.

This was the moment I became worried. I wracked my brain for someone I knew might have a contact or relative living in South Korea. I called Greg first to tell him the situation and to see if he had any patients who could help. He did not.

Next, I called a co-worker from several years back and several companies ago. She picked up and suspiciously said “Hello?” I explained my situation and it was a VERY awkward conversation. Ultimately, she was not able to help.

I decided to text a friend of a friend whom I’ve never met. A good runner friend FB introduced me to him a few days before my flight. He was kind enough to give me some recommendations of places to visit. I explained my situation in text. If I was lucky, maybe he would respond in the next hour or two.

After 3 strikes, I felt some panic and decided to sit down on the airport floor and take several deep relaxing breaths. After a few minutes of sitting quietly, it occurred to me to call the US Embassy. This thought came directly from my Peace Corps experience where I learned that embassies are there to bail out their citizens in trouble. So I requested a call to the US Embassy and he thought that was a great idea ... except that they are closed on Sundays. Sigh.

I knew they have an emergency number though. I hesitated in calling that number since my situation was not life or death, but I thought about sleeping overnight at the airport ... so I asked the guy to call the emergency number.

The woman on the other end was confused. She told me she had not heard of this requirement and thought that the procedure was to install a sim card on my phone. But she spoke to the guy and said she would straighten this out in 15 minutes.

WHEW!!!!!!

While we were waiting for her to call back, I learned that these full time military guys (not the 2-year mandatory military people) are rotated into the airport twice a week to do this interviewing job. I asked if there were other people like me who didn’t know about this requirement. He said yes. I asked him what those people did. They also panic dialed people they knew, but I was the first (that he knew about) to call my Embassy.

I made it it through that critical step. My next step was to go ahead and install the sim card anyway. Another nice English speaking guy said he would help me, which was great, because the sim card lady spoke no English. Everything was going well until she hit a screen on my phone asking for an unlock password.

UGH!!!

I had paid AT&T in full to own my phone so it could be unlocked for this trip. This was a big missed step. Oh well. The nice lady gave me my receipt, instructions on how to install my personal sim card back into my phone and a Customer Help number to call from my hotel during quarantine.

Just one more interview before I was allowed into baggage claim. This guy asked me what I was doing in South Korea. I’m a tourist. Did I understand that I’d be quarantined for 2 weeks and that I would be paying between $1,400-$2,100 USD and that these prices are set by the Korean authorities? Yes.

Finally I was allowed to get my bags. With my brain completely fried, I descended to baggage claim and promptly made a wrong turn. I wandered through the intimidatingly cavernous baggage claim section. It was a strange experience to be in a fully lit air hanger with no other soul around, with no sound and where nothing moved. I certainly got my steps in. After what felt like forever, I finally saw someone who pointed in the right direction. I picked up my bags and was told to board a bus headed to my quarantine hotel. My plane landed at 4am and I boarded the shuttle at 8am.

Quarantine

It took 30 minutes from Incheon Airport to Gimpo’s Ramada Encore Hotel. This is a random quarantine destination probably depending on the time of day each bus leaves from the airport.

I was excited. I officially entered South Korea ready to experience a two week quarantine in a new country. Hopefully, this was going to be the closest thing to prison that I will ever experience.

When we parked in front of the hotel waiting for our instructions to disembark, a Russian woman with an infant started to cry. She had an apartment in Seoul so the quarantine thing was a mistake. She didn't pack any diapers or formula for her baby. She decided to stay on the bus because she didn't want to implicitly agree to the quarantine. I hope it worked out for her. There were about 10 other people on the bus with me.

We disembarked and lined up in front of people in hazmat suits who told us to line up, leave our luggage, and enter the processing room. This was the hotel dining area or conference room which looked like a semi-organized mess. Tables and chairs were stacked on top of each other. The hotel was no longer a hotel but was a "processing center" so it looked like things were just shoved aside to make room for processing equipment. There is no hotel staff. These were employees of some agency.

The hazmat people taught us how to use the daily temperature check app (we need to take our temperatures 2x day) and assigned our rooms. I asked how many people were quarantining in the building? ~300. How many quarantine centers there were? 5-6 hotels. I told them I was vegetarian since vegan was not an option. They charged my card $1,450. I was lucky.

I got room 901. Once I went in, I cannot step outside of it for 14 days. As I took the elevator up and walked down the hall, I noticed orange bags filled up in front of the doors. Those were the orange garbage bags with the hazard sign on it so that it would all be disposed of like radioactive waste.

I entered my room and it was HOT. I looked at the temperature gauge and it was 28C (82F). I tried opening the window and it opened, but not enough to let cool air in. I tried the air conditioning setting but it was broken.

There was a sign on the inside of the door warning me not to leave the room but to call the command center for questions. I called that number and told them that my air conditioner was broken and they said they turned it off, because it was fall, but they'd send up a fan. Sigh.

There was a white plastic bag on the floor with my welcome kit. 2 bottles of water, a toothpaste tube, a toothbrush, several small hotel hand soaps, slippers, five small hand/face towels and what looked like a cigarette box but had 10 small servings of instant coffee.

I heard a knock on the door and it was food along with the fan, both wrapped in plastic bags. The food was AMAZING! It was in a plastic tray and the main item was cauliflower and two awesome banchan, chillied perilla leaves and sweet yellow pickled radish. So much flavor! Whatever I suspected containing egg or dairy was thrown out along with the rice. With three meals a day, I was never hungry and I even managed to lose 4 pounds during quarantine.

I started unpacking and took a shower because it was so hot. When I stepped out, the hotel PA system turned on and a woman's voice said in English "Sir on the 9th floor in a red shirt, please go back to your room immediately." Oh boy. I would find out later that my room has a hidden camera, because the PA system would go on reminding people not to smoke inside the room.

I checked if my laptop worked. It did! Whew!!! Then I heard a knock on the door. It was two guys in hazmat suits ready to give me my first covid test. I asked the first guy to help set up the TV screen as my 2nd monitor. BIG win since I didn't need to struggle with the Korean instructions.

Then the 2nd guy took my temperature, swabbed my throat (I gagged) then told me the last step was going to hurt and which nostril would I prefer? I said "suprise me" and he proceeded to invade my brain through my right nostril. It was HUGELY uncomfortable but not quite painful. It felt like that nostril was drowning while I was still able to breathe through the other nostril. Once it was over, I had a headache. I decided to call it a day and knocked out hard.

Quarantine Days 2-13

I woke up Bay Area time at 8 am which is midnight in Korea. The deal was to work during Bay Area hours then take 2 weeks off to explore. I arranged the room to make it a home for the next 13 days.

I pushed up the twin beds to give me more floor space. I set up my work station. Hung up my clothes. Placed all wastepaper baskets outside my door so that I wasn't collecting garbage inside my space.

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My biggest fear was that something would happen to my work Chromebook during the trip from my house to the hotel. I was SO pumped to know that it was working once I popped it open. The following morning though, I noticed the battery was really, really low. OMG!!! I only had an hour of charge left.

I checked the cord connections were firmly attached and looked up the voltage requirements. The US has 110V and South Korea has 220V. The plug said the laptop was fine to use in both. I verified online as well. Basically, I didn't need to have the cord plugged into the $50 voltage converter I bought specifically for this trip. I could plug it straight into the wall with an adapter.

My humidifier, my toothbrush and my monitor had appeared "broken" as well. I plugged in my humidifier directly into the wall and it started working straight away. Although I was VERY nervous about it, I did the same for my laptop. I listened for a “pop” sound in case the higher voltage fried the device, but I didn't hear one and saw that the laptop was charging normally. WHEW!!! That made me realize that most of our electronics are made in Asia and probably had to be modified for the US. I didn't need to spend over $100 on two voltage converters from Best Buy. Lesson learned.

I needed Greg's help with contacting AT&T to unlock my phone screen. That was a huge help. But then, I realized that I wasn't getting text notifications, required for some apps for identity verification. So I contacted Korea Telecom (KT) hotline to ask them how to fix it. They sent me an email with English instructions but the texting still didn't work. Ugh! They told me I needed to talk to tech support but but since they don’t speak English, I would need help from a Korean speaker. This ended up being very inconvenient but not terrible.

Lesson: Next time, I’ll just rent a phone from the airport with a separate data card installed.

Luckily the room was non-smoking so I didn't have to deal with a bad smell. Plus, there was ample shampoo/conditioner and body gel wash in the shower so I didn't have to use my supply. But what I saw in YouTube videos, I didn't get detergent and daily coffee. One YouTube video guy, who also quarantined at the Ramada, did mention that the floor was dirty, which I can confirm.

I asked for a vacuum, detergent and coffee from the command center. They gave me a sticky roller for the floor (I used two of them), an extra bar of soap for my clothes and told me they don't give more coffee. I can have as much water as I wanted though. I went through two sticky rolls, used the gel soap for my clothes and ordered coffee online from GMarket. Delivery takes 3 days so I had to ration my little mini sticks of instant. Rationing those sticks was my biggest challenge during the quarantine situation. Otherwise, it was fairly pleasant because I stayed busy working, exercising and vacation planning.

I strapped my phone onto my body to track my steps and tried to surpass it every day. The highest I got was just over 5k steps and averaged around 3.5k steps. I wrapped the 50-pound band to the door handle and did rows every time I threw something out on the other side of the door. I used the other 50 pound band for triceps and biceps.

The early morning wake ups are cold and that's the best time for me to cardio. Then once 8am hits, the sun hits my window and it gets warm very fast so I have to use my blackout curtains and turn on the fan. I wash my clothes while I'm in the shower and let them dry overnight.

I would also get infrequent Covid cell phone alerts (like Amber Alerts) related to the residents in Gimpo.

As I traveled around the country, I would get these alerts for the region I was in. When I returned to Seoul, I noticed the alerts were more frequent, but then again, 50% of all South Koreans live in Seoul.

Day 14 Covid-Free and Freedom

If I had someone to pick me up, I could’ve left at midnight on my last day. But I had to wait to take the shuttle at 8:30am to be dropped off at Seoul Station, which is the main hub to the rest of South Korea via KTX train or subway.

When I finally left my room to go back down that elevator to Floor 1, the wind hit me like a jump into Lake Michigan. My room had been so warm that the 45 F degree weather shocked me.

Once we were dropped off 30-minutes later, I took a taxi to the hotel, initially to the wrong hotel, but eventually landed at the Nine Tree Premier Hotel Myeongdong II on 28 Mareunnae-ro. There are three Nine Tree hotels so getting the address correct is important.

Check in was at 3pm, so I left my bags and hit the streets like a race horse out of the gate. I happily overdid it by getting lost on the subway and walking over 10 miles on Day 1. Four of those miles were pure stairway climbing because the subway system in Seoul is like navigating an underground mountain range. I continued to overdo it on Day 2-3.

My Itinarary

Some pics and videos from each place

Seoul 3 days

Jeju Island 2 days

Busan 2 days

Gyeongju 2 days

Seoraksan 1 day

Seoul 4 days

Seoul - Olympic Park

Seoul - Museum of Modern History - Picasso’s Massacre in Korea 1951

Seoul - teamLab at Dongdaemun Plaza

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Seoul - Royal Palace

Seoul - itseoulgood.com Mike Kim took me on a Vegan Food Tour

Jeju Island - Iho Tewoo Horse Lighthouses

Jeju Island - Haenyeo Female Divers

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Jeju Island - Hallasan

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Jeju Island - The best vegan yogurt @ Cafe 901

Busan - Landscape. The buildings look like fake cardboard cutouts

Busan - Steamy Cart

https://youtu.be/M9Sy3zvg17U

Busan - Seaside Temple

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Busan - Gamcheon Culture Village

Busan - Cinema Center (Skater kids enjoying the enormous public space)

https://youtu.be/NHoiDJoiMUY

Busan - Cinema Center (Busan International Film Festival)

Busan - Joung Eunsun and her three challenges (which I brought home)

Gyeongju - Incredible Photo of Korean Refugees at a Restaurant

Gyeongju - Tumuli Park Burial Mounds

https://youtu.be/6pnKCMYgnIY

Gyeongju - “Cheomseongdae is the oldest surviving astronomical observatory in Asia and possibly even the world. It was constructed in the 7th century in the kingdom of Silla. Cheomseongdae is mentioned in the popular Korean drama Queen Seondeok. In the 2009 drama, Cheomseongdae was constructed when Queen Seondeok was still a princess; this was her first decree as a princess. Cheomseongdae was meant to share the knowledge of astronomy with everyone, rather than letting one person (Lady Misil) abuse the knowledge of it. By doing so, she also abdicated her divine rights. Because this was uncommon at the time and unsupported by many conservatives, at the opening of Cheomseongdae, barely any nobles showed up.” - Wikipedia

Gyeongju - Wolji Pond

Travel Day! View from Gyeongju to Seoul on KTX

https://youtu.be/7LOpwQHFKpk

Travel Day! View from Seoul to Seoraksan on bus

https://youtu.be/XtUWWYcWjDE

Seoraksan - Giant screen at the park entrance

https://youtu.be/ZuTFW3acURg

Seoraksan - Yes, that is a guy riding down outside of the gondola

Seoraksan - Temple

Seoraksan - Reunification Buddha

https://youtu.be/HUo4IhzdWoU

Seoul - Insadong entrance mural of Royal Painting of Sun and Moon

Seoul - Art in Insadong

Seoul - Subway scene (this is far from crowded)

Seoul - Night Hike along 600 year old Seoul Wall

Drinks afterwards

Seoul - My first makgeolli. It was good!

Seoul - While waiting for the Secret Garden Tour to start

Seoul - Secret Garden

Lessons Learned

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survivorreelsmagicwithin · 4 years

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Episode 10- “My only purpose in this game now is to serve my ever loving lord and savior, Ruthie”-Dan

I am crying for Owen leaving. I don't know WHO did it, I can't math and this really fucking hurts my heart I don't know who was lying about it.

12 minutes later

I've made a zillion confessionals and the fact that lily and landen went behind my back and freaking orchestrated the entire owen vote REALLY makes me mad. things I told them in confidence that they have probably shared with EVERYONE that is left it just really makes me EXTREMELY mad. I've got to put my game face on but I am really disappointed in all of them. Like if they would have come to me and said, lets get owen! I WOULD have thought about it because I've said all along that they are the ones I trust the most and I'm just SO livid right now. I have a slew of messages from Lily and like THE ONE PERSON HERE I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST GOES AND DOES THIS TO ME. Okay I'm breathing but I still haven't replied to anyone I tried to post something witty in the house chat LOL. like abby lee miller says... SAVE YOUR TEARS FOR THE PILLOW! I'm going to get my game face on and try to see... if I'm in good with anyone at all I don't even know. The competitor in me knows that Owen NEEDED to go if I want to win but this was all SHADY AS FUCK. I NEVER CURSE AND I HAVE CURSED MORE IN THESE THINGS TODAY THAN I HAVE IN A MONTH.

WHEW. BIG WHEW. That was the most wild day of my life but I’m really proud with how I handled myself and took charge of my game. I didn’t like how things were going ruthie or landen. I crawled and scratched all day talking to almost everyone. I start the day with Owen and somehow through all this it happened. I guess that’s why you don’t settle on a vote! Landen and I were so close to settling. I was also close to voting chips. I literally changed my vote three times. Joanna then chips then Owen. I’m happy I’m making moves and finding my own but I am nervous with how this will end. Dan is PISSED. I didn’t mean for him to play his advantage but in the end I’m glad he did. I wondering how the rest of this game is going to go but I’m hoping that those who really say they have my back have my back. Owen added me to an alliance with me ruthie and dan because he trusted us most. I thought that was odd since Owen hadn’t talked game to me privately since I had voted him at the last tribal. In the end I think he would have tried to work with me but I think Owen and dan if they make it to the end they have a high probability of winning. I don’t know if I can trust to work with Dan at this point. I think he is too mad and will play me later on which I get. This game definitely isn’t getting any easier!

oh y'all are in for a treat- we doing video confessionals ALL merge kids! Welcome to the 3 part saga of the Final 11 Vote, where I get cut off by my birth control alarm, the tribal council call, and some bullshit all in the span of 30 minutes whew

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ShZLFvoQ96aSRUHBUMzuoNkxB93eph60/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SBAw--aQAtzQCtUwSP9EaCeMRTymJ8P3/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Vyag5Bijk1-L7NyAumeYDk7z3z_Q2p6m/view?usp=sharing

Sorry for ugly crying y'all LSDJFLDSJF. Also, this happened while the video was uploading but Dan ALSO gave me some other kind of advantage that I don't really understand I'm... confused. Anyway, I hope that things get better soon so that he and I can take on the game together. <3 https://youtu.be/745M9EmNtT4

Well well well! You know it wasn't exactly the prettiest path there, but at the end of the day, I got what I wanted with the vote. I have to admit my feelings are just a little hurt, because at the beginning of the round, when I pushed to vote out Owen with Autumn, Kevin, Juls, Jules, and Lily, Autumn was so irritated with me that she began to push the target onto me and blow things way out of proportion when I was literally just pushing a simple idea. Anyway I then had to fight with everything I have to make sure the votes were on Ruthie instead, I had to have Juls and Jules go up to bat for me, while also pitching my case to Owen and Kevin and getting all the votes back on Ruthie. I did all that work and then 5 minutes before the Deadline Kevin says one thing to Jules and that's enough to entirely shift the vote and get Owen eliminated? Like it doesn't matter when Ravenclaw is clearly coming for me (Fuck off Dan), I'm expendable, but now that they're coming for you, oh, Hell will be rained down upon us. Yeah that's bullshit, but it's fine. Unlike some people, I'm not going to let my emotions impact my game and go on a targeting tirade against Autumn or something even though she really rubbed me the wrong way today and lost a lot of my trust and faith in her. That's her bad for having a messy social game, when she could've kept me as a close ally who was blindly ready to follow and trust her and she fucked that up, so that's her mistake. Not my loss, I still have half the game wanting to protect me yo. The jury as it stands right now does not look too hot in regards to my winning chances.. :P Max would definitely vote for me I think, but Jacob C and Owen.. yeah probably not. I could see Owen voting for me but I think he's understandably pissed that he sacrificed a lot for me and it didn't go well for him. But again that was his mistake, I told him to keep the vote on Ruthie and that we shouldn't be trying to do any secondary plans, and he didn't listen to me. Everyone keeps not listening to me and it's very frustrating bc I keep being right about everything, but oh well. Sometimes that's just the way it rolls in Survivor and you have to accept it until you have the power to get what you want done DONE, that's the patience and hard work of Hufflepuff speaking luv. TENACITY! .....Now, Dan reacted to this vote terribly. Honestly I would pop off and write a bunch of essays, but let's just say Dan has always been really condescending and just dismissive. He has an incessant need for control in the game and he literally like.. BLEW THE FUCK UP because of one simple vote??? So useless, and so gaslighty. Disrespectful to act like he's gonna quit, too. Just quit then. But whatever, Dan's tantrum is just adding more of a target on his back and taking all the target AWAY from me so I'm more than okay with that!! :D I think there will also be another target on Ruthie yet again because people will still be nervous about Hufflepuff numbers. Possibly a small target on Joanna for her inactivity and just general bad position in the game (which sucks to say given what's going on in her personal life, but that's just how it goes sometimes). At this rate though what I really need to focus on is jury management and improving some of my rockier relationships, because I think after this vote, I have survival down pat for a few rounds, which is great since I also have the idol to use for later when it comes down to it. We'll see what all happens though, this has been me reporting on the mess... What a time!

My PM's are EXTREMELY dry and it really irritates me. Right now I feel like the entire tribe (minus Dan) are against me. Landen and I talk every morning and it just sucks. I did a lot of thinking last night and I've come to the conclusion that Landen is running this game and he is TIGHT with everyone. I think that I can play off that I still want to work with him and Lily but I have to figure out a way to get Jules or Juls out to weaken him. Owen gave me a lot of information yesterday that Juls and Jules were pushing for me to go and that Dan and Autumn wanted Landen to go. I'm pretty sure Dan will vote however I ask him to and if Autumn and I could form some kind of bond... I need to see where Lily and I are because maybe she, Autumn and I... and maybe Kevin and someone else? could work together to bring someone out of the group of Landen/Juls/Jules down, and Dan would definitely vote with us. I ultimately feel like my name is mud right now, so this round I am going to just sit back and do more listening than talking.

It has been rough in real life for me these past couple of days. In game drama doesn't make it better. Apparently Owen wanted to vote me out and then messaged me that he was worried his name was being thrown around. I, who was in the middle of having a mental breakdown, did not respond. It's funny when all I want to do is vote with the majority I don't vote with majority. I'm really frustrated with real life right now, I don't want this game to be frustrating too. I'm still going to try my best because I want to win this game, I just wish it was easier to do so.

OF COURSE.... I tie... with the person that wants me to go home, LOL. We were talking right before results though and have maybe cleared the air.

Now here comes my favorite part of the game where we all wait until tomorrow with like 4 hours left to the deadline to scramble and agree on the vote when if people just stopped being fake and safe and all angsty about "PARANOID BULLSHIT" then we could all easily come to the conclusion that we are splitting the votes on Dan and Joanna now instead of like 10 years from now. Pls. i don't see anyone other than the 2 of them and ruthie getting votes here, and if it happens this game is cancelled.

Chips is literally the only one talking to me right now and it is SO awkward, LOL. UH. lJFJSLF i shouldn't feel so guilty HE WAS VOTING FOR ME!!!! I AM NOT THE ONLY BAD GUY IN THAT EQUATION.

My only purpose in this game now is to serve my ever loving lord and savior, Ruthie

It's so quiet today! I'm trying to figure out why... Did Lily tell people about my idol in a bid to change the vote yesterday and now this is a plan to flush my idol now because they couldn't get rid of it last time? Is Lily completely loyal to me and Im wrong for even SUSPECTING that and I'm just super paranoid and really people are just busy/don't wanna come online rn? That doesn't seem to be the case... I've definitely lost before because I don't trust my gut about the day being quiet as hell. *I GLANCE AT YOU THREE HOSTS VOTING ME OUT IN THE QUIETEST DAY EVER.* I feel like I need to do more to survive but I've been put in an awkward position because I was told last round that I am 'too much' and should stop fighting to survive bc people view me as paranoid and pushy. So I am trying to exercise some self-restraint, but also I don't want to wait too long before I have a chance to genuinely figure out what the hell is going on and change this vote. I feel like there are some likely scenarios. 1 - People know about my idol, and they're trying to flush it by spooking me out when the vote is really on Dan 2 - People are trying to vote Dan but are very worried about him having 2 idols, so they're maybe putting some votes on me as well? 3 - People are trying to vote out Ruthie and don't want to tell me and Lily because of how they think that we're the ones who worked overtime to keep Ruthie safe and they're very concerned about Hufflepuff numbers 4 - People are straight up trying to vote me after Ruthie made up with Jules last night (maybe Jules revealed that I sold Ruthie out?) I am getting really ominous vibes from just the whole layout of this vote right now. I don't like it at all and I feel like something mysterious is going on, like people definitely did something weird that I don't understand and I'm just trying to put my mind 2 steps ahead of everyone else and I feel like I'm falling backwards. I have no idea what's going on tonight but I know it's not as simple as people are telling me like people are not being honest with me and that's pissing me off because I've been nothing but honest and kind with these people, consistently. :/ WHY. ARE. THERE. MIND GAMES. RN!

Honestly, this is a make or break part of the game for me. I had my tantrum and now, I'm trusting everyone to not vote me out tonight??? Autumn did some leg work to try and get the vote on L*ly. So I'm hoping that happens. I could play my idol tonight and throw a vote on like Kevin or Landen or somebody just in case there is another idol play? I'm not sure. All I know is that if I play my idol, I'll be here for another round for sure, but if I don't, I could be the dumbest player ever!

I... don't know how I keep getting myself into these messes, haha. I don't know what I'm going to go, here I am thinking everything is going to be all fine and dandy and kind of chill and KEVIN HEARD THAT I THREW LILY'S NAME OUT... which I didn't, Dan mentioned Autumn would vote her and I told Autumn that I didn't really trust Lily and Landen and she just kind of went with it but then... if it got back to Kevin I kind of think that it was my idea I think that I'm screwed. I just feel like there is this huge wedge between the two people that I was the closest to in this game and me now and I don't know how to fix it so I'm just going to vote one of them out??? I... have been so messy this season, lol. I gave Dan back his idol but he says he is going to send it back to me if he decides not to use it... we are playing idol tag.

I am a damn TRAINWRECK this round!! I tried so hard to hold myself back from talking to people a ton and getting worked up and into a frenzy about this vote but here I am, now trying to hit up like seven different people. I've never felt so confused about a vote before, it's so weirdly quiet and I have no idea why and nothing makes sense and what the HELL is going on???? Like I'm... I'm straight up lost and confuzzled. At this rate I'm just gonna drop that idol like it's hot regardless because I have no idea wtf is happening and it's better to waste it than to go out with it in my pocket, right? ...I think???? Or maybe stuff will come out and I'll feel more confident later and I won't play it, I dunno! All I know is whatever's going around right now doesn't match the vibes I normally get from these people ever and it's FREAKIN me the hell out.

So pretty opposite of the last vote. No one is talking. No one is sharing ideas. No names. Except dan and it’s 8:30? I think it’s gonna be a split vote tonight because who knows if dan is really gonna play his idol. The only person at this point that I trust 95% is Landen. He has told me the truth about what he thinks genuinely and told me he has the merge idol. I feel a little sketched out by Kevin and Ruthie from last round but I do think they would at least be honest and tell me if I was going to be the one voted out if they knew. I’m trying hard to work with autumn but she’s a tough cookie! She has something up her sleeve and I’m not sure of what just yet. All I know is it’s hard to trust anybody out here but is that really a surprise?

tell me why this game is still stressful...when i have immunity and PURPOSELY aint trying to do anything besides vibe...WHY AM I STILL STRESSED!!!!!!!!

Hm.. found out in the last ten minutes before votes were due that a bunch of people were voting me. Unsurprising (I guess at this point...) it is led by Owen someone who is supposed to be in a alliance with me. Choices? Anyway, Jules let me know that I was being thrown under the bus and asked if I would be down to flip on Owen. Yeah. Sure. If he wants to vote me I'll vote him?? Looks like something similar is happening this round. It might not be be me but why let myself think so. Dan is the "obvious vote" because he decided he's not aligned with anyone and outed that he had an idol but the group wants to turn on Lily this round. I dunno I guess I'd be cool voting Lily? She hasn't really worked solidly with me so far and I need to get into smaller numbers before I feel safe making any "bold" plays since a lot of these people have been wishy-washy up to this point.

HAHAHAHAHA I’m at work !!! AGAIN!!!! anyways people wanna do lily but that’s sketchy bc dans idol needs flushing I think autumn is working with dan I just told landen and lily who weren’t supposed to know about the vote bc I don’t want lily to go I hoped one of them had an idol but they don’t so well. Here we are. I might’ve screwed myself over here but I think I was screwed either way tbh just with how the rounds would’ve played out with Lily going then probs Landen (dan maybe plays idol) but then me juls/jules are in trouble after that point bc I think autumn and dan have something going on and Ruthie is in on it bc she is close to dan so. Here we are. Good Luck Charlie. (I’m Charlie)

I honestly feel so bad right now. Lily does NOT deserve this but I think that it will appease everyone and she is a great player that I would not like to be sitting at the end with, I feel like she would easily win over me.

I just got into an alliance chat with Lily and Landen (Double L cute) with me and Autumn my F2 and then Joanna who apparently knows nothing until Autumn tells her. It's neat because I ALREADY know how I'm setting myself up not to win this season more and more as I continue to play the merge portion poorly. We are going to vote out Ruthie because she's a double agent with Kevin so maybe they are another duo in the game? Guess we'll see how this goes.

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