#why’s the concept of equality so hard for you to grasp

[clpudsnstars]

i hate that growing up means better getting to know the people around me.

can we go back to braiding each others hair and playing hop scotch? your opinions on basic human rights, and your use of religion to justify them, are scaring me.

#words #another vent #rants n rambles #can we just be kids again #why did we turn out so differently #let’s just talk about why your favourite colour is blue and why you think you could be the first person to land on the sun #i won’t let you close again but God it’s tiring losing so many of you #why’s the concept of equality so hard for you to grasp #whatever #i don’t care #(yes i do) #i miss the kids we were #words words words #poetsandwriters #spilled poetry #spilled ink #some words #i love you im sorry #cloudys word barf

[pandorasword]

Chaeri as the 8th and youngest member of BTS.

CHAERI'S MASTERLIST

Hiii 💌 sorry it took so mad long! I had busy weeks and even lack of inspirations. Hope that you still enjoy it and thank you so much for the request!

The night market

❒ words: 2.5k+

❒ summary: In which Chaeri and Jungkook sneak out of the dorms during the trainee period

❒ genre: Fluff; Slice of life

❒ warnings: mentions of poker

April 2013

Chaeri had been in a sour mood all day. 

She had sulked from the time she woke up for breakfast, to the hours spent practicing choreography for their debut concept, and even when she came back to the dorms. 

That's why Namjoon was surprised when he leaned in to kiss her temple goodbye and noticed her smirk instead of a scowl.

The bad temper seemed to have slipped away from her, which would usually make him suspicious that she was up to something; a troublemaker without equal.

But when Chaeri met his gaze, her eyes were so gentle and pure, he told himself she likely just grasped the situation and wasn't angry anymore

The day before, the older members of the group received an unexpected invitation from some staff members to join them for a friendly game of poker. Excitement filled the air as they discussed the invitation among themselves, looking forward to a night of camaraderie and friendly competition.

However, as they considered the nature of the game, they collectively decided that it wouldn't be suitable for Jungkook and Chaeri to participate. Poker involves betting and gambling, and they felt it would be more appropriate for the two youngest members, who were still in their mid-teens, to abstain from such activities, who had not been very cooperative with their decision. Jungkook had quickly given up on the idea; Chaeri had given everyone a hard time until just before.

The living room's chandelier flickered and dimmed, reminding Namjoon he needed to get a new bulb soon.

"You know I'm sorry," he said, gazing into her eyes "But it's an evening for..."

"Adults!" Taehyung, ever the bratty he was, came up behind them on his way out of the dorms. 

"Aged or nearly so", Namjoon added with an apologetic smile.

Chaeri rolled her eyes at Taehyung's comment but didn't say anything.

"It's okay, enjoy yourselves"

"We will" Namjoon said, eyeing Chaeri with a look of worry "Chaeri," he spoke in an authoritative yet caring voice, "I know you’re mature, but please remember to take care of yourselves while we're away. Lock all the doors and windows. There are snacks in the kitchen—help yourself but be mindful about how much junk food you eat."

Namjoon's gaze grew more serious. "If anyone comes to the door, don't open it unless you recognize them. Your safety is the most important thing; if anything feels wrong or if you need help, call one of us right away - me or any of the oppas. Don't hesitate to reach out, okay?"

He smiled and patted her on the head. "You'll be fine, Chaeri. Jungkook is here with you, and I trust both of you to look out for each other. Have a good evening, and we'll be back before you know it."

With a nod, Chaeri watched as the older members of BTS filed out of the dorm, leaving her - and Jungkook who was in the other room - alone.

Chaeri was not about to stay in, especially when the others had treated her and Jungkook like kids. If they were old enough to debut in the entertainment industry, they were old enough to play poker. 

Once the sounds of the boys straying in the alleyway had become faint, she made her way to the room, where all of them slept on bunk beds every night.

Jungkook was perched atop one of the beds, his head almost brushing against the ceiling. He had a comic book in his hands and was studying its black-and-white images.

Chaeri watched him for a moment, debating whether to tell him what she was planning. Jungkook always followed what the older members told him to do, perhaps with a little convincing she would be able to persuade him to join her.

She tiptoed up onto the creaky lower mattress to get a better look at Jungkook, who was sprawled across the top bunk. He snapped out of his comic book when he noticed her looking at him "You're bored" he said.

"Utterly and completely bored—can you tell?" She sighed

"Since the hyungs are gone, we have access to the TV. Want to watch a movie?"

"Actually...I had something else in mind"

Jungkook looked at her curiously, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"They left to play poker and did not allow us to go with them. They said we're not allowed to play because we're too young. It's not fair"

""I still don't understand what you're trying to say. What's on your mind?"

"I was thinking...we could sneak out and find our own way to have fun," Chaeri suggested, a mischievous glint in her eye.

Jungkook's eyes widened in surprise at her suggestion. He glanced nervously around the small dorm, as if the others could appear at any second to catch them in the act. "But what if they find out? They told us not to leave the dorms"

Chaeri shrugged, a devilish grin spreading across her face. "Isn't that all the more reason to do it? They treat us like children all the time. We deserve to have some fun on our own"

An eagerness was slowly growing within him and he nodded in agreement."Okay, let's do it. But...where are we going to go?"

"To play poker!"

Excitement pulsed through Chaeri as she and Jungkook slipped out of the dorms and into the cool night air. They walked briskly, eager to find a club or bar where they could play poker.

However, their excitement was short-lived as they quickly discovered that every club they tried to enter turned them away, citing their age as the reason. They had no luck at the first club, or the second, or even the third.

As they walked down the dimly lit street, Chaeri's mood started to sour once more. She had been so sure that they would be able to find a place to play poker, but now it seemed like all their efforts were in vain.

"This is stupid," she grumbled, kicking a pebble down the pavement.

Jungkook glanced at Chaeri, seeing her frustration and disappointment. He understood her desire to prove themselves as capable and independent, but it seemed that their age was indeed a barrier they couldn't overcome.

"I know it's frustrating, Chaeri" Jungkook said, his voice sympathetic. "But maybe they were right. Maybe we are too young for this kind of thing."

Chaeri halted in her steps, turning to look at Jungkook with narrowed eyes. "Don't tell me you're giving up too?"

Jungkook shook his head quickly, holding up his hands in surrender. "No, not at all. I just think that we should maybe consider doing something else. Something that won't get us into trouble"

Chaeri let out a huff of frustration, but she knew deep down that he was right. They couldn't keep searching for a club that would let them play poker; they needed to find a different way to pass the time.

"Fine," she grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest. "What do you suggest, then?"

Jungkook's lips parted in a smile, his eyes twinkling as he spoke. "Let's go to the night market!"

Chaeri tilted her head and raised an eyebrow. "Night market? What kind of place is that?" She asked, intrigued by the unfamiliar term.

Jungkook let out a laugh and replied “It’s a huge marketplace at night! There are vendors selling all sorts of food and drinks, there are carnival-style games and rides, and some shops sell really unique goods. It’s one of my favorite places to go” He said as he hopped onto the nearest subway station platform.

Chaeri followed him curiously as she felt a spark of excitement light up inside her chest. She had grown up all her life in France, so any opportunity to immerse herself into Korean culture was highly welcomed. Jungkook began talking animatedly about all the interesting foods they could try at the night market, and she couldn't help but feel impressed by his knowledge of their native culture.

Deprived by her mother of her native culture and language, she had instead come to learn all about European culture; yet despite being Korean, by her teenage years she understood surprisingly little about her homeland.

As they rode the subway, he pointed out the city sights that caught his eye, ranging from ancient monuments to modern-day skyscrapers. Chaeri listened with rapt attention, feeling a sense of pride swell in her heart at seeing the city through an experienced local’s eyes.

Finally, the subway doors slid open, and they stepped out into the lively atmosphere of the night market. 

Chaeri's senses were immediately overwhelmed by the kaleidoscope of sights and sounds surrounding her. Above, strings of multicolored neon lights formed a mesmerizing constellation, casting an ethereal glow over the bustling crowd below. The air was alive with the infectious beats of K-pop music, their rhythmic melodies intertwining with the joyful laughter and chatter of the visitors.

Chaeri walked beside Jungkook, her eyes darting from one intriguing stall to another. The tantalizing aroma of street food wafted through the air, mingling with the scents of exotic spices and sizzling grills. Her mouth watered at the sight of vendors skillfully flipping skewers of succulent meat and frying golden dumplings.

Although Chaeri couldn't read most of the Korean characters on the signs, she attempted to decipher them, occasionally stumbling over unfamiliar words. She wished she had a better grasp of her mother tongue; speaking for her was easier, though occasionally she stumbled over words or mispronounced them. She felt a little ashamed for not knowing more about her Korean heritage.

Throughout the evening, Chaeri kept tugging at Jungkook's sleeve to ask questions about certain dishes, inscriptions, and trinkets that drew her interest.

"Kook!" she exclaimed, grabbing his arm to halt their steps.

Jungkook turned towards her, following her gaze to a nearby stall adorned with an array of handmade jewelry. The owner, a skilled artisan, meticulously threaded delicate beads of various colors and designs, creating stunning pieces that sparkled under the glow of the market lights. Chaeri's eyes widened with fascination.

"Let's go check it out," he suggested, and Chaeri eagerly followed him to the stand.

As they approached the jewelry stall, Chaeri's eyes widened with wonder as she took in the intricate designs and shimmering pieces showcased. The array of jewelry sparkled under the warm glow of the stall's lights, casting enchanting reflections on Chaeri's face.

Jungkook could not help but think that at that moment, she looked more beautiful than usual and even blushed at his thoughts.

Among the captivating collection, Chaeri's gaze was caught by a small hairpin adorned with a delicate arrangement of tiny pearls and jewels intricately intertwined with strands of glistening gold wire. Mesmerized, she reached out and delicately picked up the hairpin, holding it up to the light to observe its craftsmanship. Every delicate detail seemed to tell a story, a testament to the artisan's skill and the beauty of the materials used.

"It's so beautiful," Chaeri breathed, her voice filled with awe. The combination of pearls, jewels, and gold created a stunning harmony that seemed to dance with the light. "I've never seen anything like it before."

When she lived with her mother in France, beautiful jewelry and accessories were never lacking, but she had never owned something so lovely

Jungkook couldn't help but smile, his heart warmed by Chaeri's enchantment. He knew he wanted to see her happiness bloom even further. "Do you want it?" he asked, his voice laced with a gentle eagerness.

Chaeri's eyes darted back to the hairpin, conflicted by her desire and the presumed cost that accompanied such intricate craftsmanship. She hesitated, her fingertips gently tracing the contours of the design. "I don't know... it's probably too expensive" she admitted

Jungkook, determined to make her dreams come true, reached into his pocket and retrieved a handful of coins and bills. His fingers swiftly counted the money. "I think we have enough" he said confidently, a hint of mischief playing on his lips.

Chaeri's curiosity piqued, and she couldn't help but inquire, "Where did you get all this money from?"

Jungkook's grin widened as he revealed his secret. "I collected it from the swear jar" he confessed, his voice filled with playful pride. 

Chaeri's eyes widened in surprise, remembering the times when their friends would playfully scold each other and contribute money to the jar as a lighthearted way to discourage swearing.

She couldn't help but burst out in laughter at Jungkook's brattiness, feeling proud for him for not following the rules for once. 

Jungkook's smile only grew wider at the sound of her laughter. He gave her a playful nudge with his elbow. "So, do you want it?" he asked again, gesturing to the hairpin. 

She knew it was silly to spend so much money on a hairpin, but she couldn't resist the temptation. "Yes, I want it" she said, her eyes sparkling with joy.

Jungkook slid a stack of coins across the wooden countertop to the stall owner, who bowed his head in gratitude and carefully nestled the hairpin in a small velvet bag. 

As she opened the delicate envelope and revealed the treasure within, Jungkook's eyes never left her. He watched in awe as her face lit up with pure delight, her eyes widening as she beheld the intricate craftsmanship of the hairpin. With a graceful movement, she secured it into her dark, silky hair, effortlessly blending tradition with modern beauty.

Using a small hand mirror, Chaeri admired herself, turning this way and that to catch the light of a nearby lantern. The soft glow illuminated her radiant skin, creating an ethereal aura around her. The hairpin, now nestled amidst her locks, sparkled brilliantly, accentuating her features and enhancing her innate beauty. It was as if the accessory had been tailor-made for her.

Jungkook found himself captivated by her, unable to tear his gaze away. 

In that moment, as their eyes met in the flickering light, time seemed to stand still. The bustling market faded into the background, and for an instant, it was just the two of them.

"Chaeri-ya, that hairpin you're wearing is beautiful. When did you get it?" 

Jin's compliment caught Chaeri off guard, causing her to falter in her movements. She momentarily forgot the lie she had prepared. "Um, I got it a while ago," she replied, her voice betraying a hint of nervousness.

Jin raised an eyebrow, a look of curiosity on his face. "Really? I don't remember seeing it before."

"I don't wear it often. Why are you so interested? It's just a hairpin. Do you want one too oppa?" she teased, returning to look in the mirror in front of her as she rehearsed for the umpteenth time the most difficult movements of the debut choreography.

"I was asking out of curiosity - You know.. the money from the swear jar was gone this morning"

Chaeri had to suppress a giggle, looking only for a moment into the eyes of the older member "Who knows, try asking Taehyung. I heard him say he wanted to borrow it." She had set out to make her best friend pay for the way he enjoyed the fact that he could play poker and she could not

"Aish, that little brat.. TAEHYUNG-AH!"

taglist: @alixnsuperstxr | @bts-dream | @enchantingbrowneyedgirl | @ycuvi

#bts 8th member #jungkook imagines #jungkook drabbles #jungkook x reader #bts female addition #bts female member #kpop female member #bts x reader #kpop oc #bts imagines #bts addition #bts eighth member #bts #kpop female oc

[moonlit-positivity]

I think i can finally put into words why I hate the concept of forcing people into this idealistic version of ""self care uwu"" because none of these recovery blogs will actually recognize how agonizingly painful it is to be abused as a kid, being constantly told you're a fuck up, having your body boundaries violated by your parents'/adults' authoritative power trips, and be basically treated like a slave in which you as the child are seen as dirty, filthy, sl*tty, greedy, "asking for it" etc. AND THEN ONE DAY YOU LEAVE THAT SHIT AND NOW SUDDENLY THE ANTIDOTE IS TO ""LOVE YOURSELF""???????? HOW COME WE DONT TALK ABOUT HOW HARD IT IS TO GRASP THE CONCEPT OF BEING LIED TO AS A FUCKING CHILD TO THE POINT OF SELF SACRIFICE FEELING MORE SAFE THAN THE CONCEPT OF YOU BEING TREATED LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING?????? Because that shit is humiliating, to actually sit with the crushing realization that you don't actually have to continue believing the shit they brainwashed you to believe about yourself- and that can be equally as traumatizing and I don't think I ever see this talked about in recovery spaces- how the concept of neglecting your hygiene, self care, self sabotage, etc, can actually be a mine field of self persecution but the fact that it's actually so necessary and needed just as much because it's you basically taking back your right to choose how you want to handle this until you can actually stomach the grim reality a little bit better. And I wish wish wish so much that more recovery spaces would talk about this, because it's actually so NORMAL. To neglect care and self sabotage, because it's how you need to control the things you went through. Like yeah of course it's toxic and it doesn't feel good, but thats the point- NONE of this recovery bullshit "feels good", not when youre having to come face to face with your own family/loved ones/caregivers etc and the horrible bullshit they put you through, when you were in no position to fight back-- when will we FINALLY acknowledge that the most important aspect to healing and recovery is YOUR OWN AUTONOMY-- YOUR RIGHT TO DECIDE FOR YOURSELF- what ""self care"" and all this other bs is supposed to look like??? Because for some of us- a vast majority I'd wager- have NEVER EVEN HEARD THE CONCEPT THAT WE DESERVE BETTER TO BEGIN WITH?????? Like yeah okay!!! LETS TALK ABOUT THAT!!! let's talk about how not taking a shower can actually be a self inflicted punishment and the antidote is not to simply ""force yourself to take the shower"" but to rather allow yourself to have this moment of misery so you can foster a little more self compassion for what you've gone through??? And acknowledge that even if you can't take a shower it doesn't change the fact that you are inherently worth the effort to allow yourself full control over this situation???? Because in those moments it's rarely about the inability to shower- it's about how id rather be smelly and stinky because as a child my parent took full liberty over my body without my consent and now as an adult in recovery this is how I've chosen to reclaim my own autonomy over what I had to go through and still be loved and cared for anyway????? SELF CARE IS NOT ALWAYS FORCING YOURSELF TO FEEL BETTER. SOMETIMES IT IS SO NECESSARY AND VALID TO LET YOURSELF ROT JUST BECAUSE YOU GET TO CHOOSE. YOU GET TO DECIDE. CAN WE PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE THIS TOO!!!

#ptsd #recovery #trauma #boundaries #mental health #healing #self care #positivity #autonomy #emotional freedom #emotions #emotional work #self sabotage #anger

[ganymede-princess]

Entanglement Theory | Robert Capa (Sunshine)

Part 2

ship: robert capa X fem!oc

warnings: capa is mildly suicidal but it's basically tooth-rotting fluff for the most part, capa has a bruise from his fight with mace, i try (and fail) to explain several pieces of theoretical physics through dialogue despite having only a layman's understanding of the concepts.

summary: capa's insomnia inadvertently causes an impromptu date.

word count: 3263

a/n: i know almost nothing about physics, but I do try to explore some of the concepts in the narrative here, so when I inevitably get things painfully wrong, please do correct me. AlsoI know that Searle is the medic as well as the psych officer, but you're going to have to bear with me here. I sort of think of Doc as a bit of an all rounder on board: part gardener, part mechanic, part cook. Basically a spare who helps keep everything running smoothly until it's time to treat illness and injuries. Also, yes I made that GIF, that's why it's so horrible and decayed.

written by @ganymede-princess

The floor lights burst in and out of life like tiny stars as I tip-toe down the hall. Icarus tracks my movements closely, giving enough light to see my feet and enough darkness to stay half asleep. The dream is still fresh in my mind, almost more real than the floor beneath my feet. It was frightening, but I wish I could salvage that feeling somehow. The weightlessness and unbearable brightness, the heat and pain so strangely pleasurable, like cleaning corruption from a wound. I wonder if it would truly be so magnificent to die that way. I know I should doubt it- that death is grotesque in truth- but a piece of me still clings to the sense of belonging I felt as my hands turned to dust and burned away into the cosmos. I focus my eyes on the floor lights as they appear and try to bring the vision back into my mind. The lights pale in comparison to the unbending beauty of the sun's surface, but I still see the orange ripples of the source of all life swimming in the tiny artificial effigies. The details of the dream are slipping out of my grasp, back into the shadows of my subconscious when I collide with something warm and hard. I stumble back, sucking in a breath and wheel back blindly to punch my assailant.

"Hey, hey!" A low, gravelly voice commands me, and my arms lock in a vice grip. "Ah- calm down! Icarus, floor lights up."

White light floods the hallway and I come back into myself to see that I'm trapped in the arms of Robert Capa. God help me, he's so cute. His hair is ruffled up and his brow is creased with concern as he sets his nebulous blue eyes on me, locking me into their gravity field.

"What's the matter with you, Doc?"

"Ca-Capa... I'm sorry." I will myself to pull away from him, but time and space seem to stand still. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No, but you were going to." He huffs.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"

"Relax. What are you doing up anyway?"

"I-" As he frowns, it feels as if every pair of eyes in the universe are scrutinising me. "I was just... Taking a walk."

"Where?" A smirk tugs at the corner of his lip like a fishhook.

"Nowhere."

"Funny. That's exactly where I'm going." He lets me out of his grasp and pushes past me to walk a few paces down the hall, then looks over his shoulder. "Are you coming?"

He gives me a rare smile of encouragement, and as I walk obediently towards him I realise he could make me do anything he wanted with just that smile.

As the primary medic on board the Icarus 2, I am essentially the mother of my crewmates. I kiss their grazes and fuss over them all. I listen to them cry and offer what comfort I can before I move them to the more calculated psychiatric care of Searle. It is my job to love these people as if they are my own family, and I do sincerely. I must treat everyone with equal kindness and empathy, never picking favourites or singling out scapegoats, but when I look at Robert Capa, my training is sucked out of the airlock. No matter how much I try to deny it to myself, I know that his safety and happiness takes absolute precedence in my mind. He is my first thought in the morning and the last one at night. Speaking to him is the only thing that brings me peace, even more than the Earth Room. We are a handful of humans traversing the impossibly massive vacuum of space; we should all be losing our minds, but I feel safe as long as I am close to Capa. Even so, dreams can be more frightening than reality. I want to reach for him somehow and ask him to take on the futile task of protecting me from my own subconscious.

My throat dries up and my cheeks are burning as I walk close beside him, my hand inches from his. I could just slip my fingers in between his. Surreptitious. He might not even notice. What might be an insignificant gesture to him would serve to anchor me to reality. I'm not sure if it's my logical side or simply fear, but I stay my hand and follow beside him as he marches through the hallways, fleet footed and silent.

"So, um," My voice wavers. "Where are we going?"

"Almost there." Capa inclines his head toward me and the ghost of a smile passes over his face.

We wind through a few more hallways until we reach the Payload unit. Capa fiddles with the keypad.

"Why are we here?"

He keeps his eyes trained on the keypad, but quirks an eyebrow and bites the inside of his cheek, his expression somewhere between amused and annoyed.

"Primary Payload entrance unlocked." Icarus lowers the intercom volume and isolates her voice to only this corridor so the rest of the crew may sleep undisturbed.

"Mind yourself." Capa warns as he releases the door and steps inside.

As I pad in behind him, it seems as if a whole world is opening up before me. I have only been inside the Payload a handful of times, and the sheer size of the place awes me every time. Panels upon panels stretching for miles in every direction, each one containing enough nuclear matter to fuel an atomic bomb.

"Beautiful, isn't she?" All the wonder I feel is written on Capa's face.

All I can do is nod. There is a power here that none of us can comprehend, maybe not even Capa himself. I follow him as he traverses the scaffolding that runs a few stories above the ground until he sits down, dangling his feet over the railing. I have only ever seen the Payload from ground level, and the huge scope of the glossy black room is all the more evident from up high.

"It's big in here." I say it just to fill the silence.

Capa huffs, eyes alight with amusement. I sit close beside him and try to focus on the view.

"Fifty billion tonnes of fissile material." Capa muses. "Every scrap of accessible nuclear fuel in our solar system is in this room. The Stellar Bomb. Payload. Humanity's final hail Mary. Doesn't it make you feel tiny?"

Though I have heard every detail hundreds of times before, Capa's voice breathes life into the story that every human in the planetary system thinks about in every waking moment.

"I feel tiny next to you." I admit. "You are the Payload. You're the only person in the universe who can pull off the detonation."

"No pressure, huh?" Capa squints.

"None at all." I bump him with my elbow. "But I didn't mean to freak you out or-"

"I've heard it all before, don't worry."

With nothing to say, we fall into silence again. I drop my legs over the edge and kick them like a child on a swing. I tap his foot with mine earning a breathy laugh, and for a minute or two we tussle as we both try to keep our feet on top. He eventually wins by pushing his ankle underneath mine and locking my foot down under his. My heart races so hard that I'm afraid Icarus might ask me why I'm exercising outside of the designated gym room.

"How's your bruise?"

"Hmmph." Capa lifts his shirt to reveal a yellowing bruise on his ribs. "Hurts when I poke it, but it's alright."

"Why would you poke it?" I giggle, trying hard to keep the redness off my cheeks.

"'Cause its there." He side-eyes me. "Anyway, you should have seen the other guy."

"I did! Not a scratch on him."

"That was on purpose." He closes his eyes and presses his hands together as if in prayer. "I'm completely zen in the face of violent aggression."

"Maybe you just can't fight."

"I can fight, I assure you." He cracks his knuckles and eyes me in amusement. "I'd drop you in an instant."

"Sure, you would." I nudge him.

"You wanna go?"

In a rare moment of confidence, I sling an arm around his shoulder and ruffle his long, velvety hair. He tickles my sides in response with dexterous fingers.

"C-C-Capa stop tha-at before I fall off!" I gasp between giggles.

"I've got you." His grip on me tightens, but he keeps tickling. "Now, say 'yes, Doctor Capa, you can fight.'"

"Ye-yes, Capa, you can fi-ight!"

"Doctor Capa!" He grumbles. "I have a PhD, you know."

"Yes, you can fight, D-doctor Capa."

"Say I'm the most handsome physicist in the solar system."

"You're the mo-host handsome physi- physicist in the- the solar system!"

"Good girl." He quits tickling but keeps a strong hold of me while I catch my breath.

"Dr Bigshot PhD," I say weakly. "You weaselled that out of me!"

"You didn't put up much of a fight." He growls in a voice like black treacle, and I notice how close we have gotten.

My eyes trace the dark stubble growing into the hollow of his cheeks, then his heavy, sleepy eyes, his dicky little sideburns, and finally his pink seashell lips. I feel him studying me too, and I can't help but lean closer as he rubs circles on my waist. A husky breath escapes his lips, and he relinquishes his hold on me. Leaning away, he shakes his head as if to un-stick an annoying thought. A strange, guilty sickness grips me. What did I do wrong?

"You wanna see something cool?" He slaps his hands on his knees and stands up, offering me a hand.

I nod dumbly and accept his help, just happy to touch him. Capa leads me to the control room, and goes through the familiar motions of setting up the control panel. I sit down on one of the swivel chairs and watch his slow, methodical movements. I have noticed before that Capa always thinks things through this way, doing everything by the letter. He has the same slow, practiced approach to relationships, after all it took until nearly the end of our training for Capa to really feel like a friend to myself and the rest of the crew.

"Icarus, show me the lights." Capa presses the test button.

"Yes Capa, initiating Payload visual test."

"C'mere, look." Capa pulls me close to him and points out a tiny white star blossoming in the corner of the room. "See, that's a projection of what the Payload will look like when it's detonated. It's called Cherenkov light."

"I've heard of that." I admit as the lights begin to spread and dance across the room. "How does it work?"

"It's quite fascinating, really." Capa murmurs, the wonder clear in his voice. "The light is caused by charged particles travelling through a dielectric medium faster than the speed of light. That's how powerful a nuclear reaction is. It can fire out particles faster than light itself can travel."

"It's beautiful." The lights wink and swirl together like a glowing algal bloom.

"It is. When this thing detonates and all the stars come out, there will be so much energy all in one place that time and space will smear together. For a few seconds, everything will be unquantifiable. The impossible will be possible. You could light a candle in a fish tank, live a lifetime in a second... stand, unharmed, on the surface of the sun."

"It's almost a shame that we won't get to see it up close."

"I want to. I'd die to."

"You better not." The lights begin to fade, and I look up at Capa. "I'd miss you."

"Yeah?" Capa almost smiles.

"Yeah. What's the point in any of this if we can't enjoy the sunshine together back home?"

"You don't think we'll all be sick of each other by the end of it all?"

"Well... I'm already pretty sick of Harvey, but-"

A hissing laugh escapes from Capa, and he covers his face in embarrassment.

"I think even Harvey's sick of himself by now." He snickers

"We should be careful, he might be listening."

"Oh no, he might be." He chuckles and guides me to sit with him on the lounge at the back of the room. In the quiet darkness, Capa's eyes catch the luminance of the control panel lights.

"Where were you going when we ran into each other?"

"I couldn't get to sleep. There was just... so much going through my head with the comms fuck-up, and..." He sighs. "I've just had a lot on my mind."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not yet." Capa chews his lip. "What about you? Where were you going?"

"Oh um," I flush. "I had a dream and it frightened me. I... I guess I was just clearing my head. Can I tell you about it?"

"Sure." He shifts in his seat to face me better, and tucks his feet up under him.

"It- it was us. We were floating together in space. We weren't wearing equipment, but it was warm and we could breathe. Everything was so still, and there were stars everywhere all around us, just like the Payload test. I thought it was beautiful, and I wanted to tell you but it was like I forgot how to talk. I thought you looked like a star too, so maybe that's why I forgot, I don't know."

"Like a star?"

"Yes, you... I don't know. You were you, but amplified. A-anyway, I noticed that one of the stars was getting bigger, and bigger, and then I realised we were falling towards it. We kept falling and falling so fast that we had to hold hands, or we would have lost each other, and the stars smeared out into white lines, but I wasn't scared, and eventually we passed all these planets and I realised we were falling into the sun. We just kept getting closer and closer to it, and I could see more and more of it until it was all I could see in any direction. It was so burning hot but I couldn't die. Eventually we caught right up to it, and it was right there in front of us and we reached out to touch it, but then I woke up so I don't know what would have happened."

"That's incredible."

"It was. It was really strange, though. It was just like Searle said, the light becomes you, and because you were there too, it was like we became each other."

"Do you get why I would die to see the Payload detonate up close? Not even Icarus knows what will happen when she blows. It'll be a big bang on a small scale. It's entirely possible your dream could occur under those circumstances. You could touch the sun."

"No?" I squint, baffled at the urgency of his tone. "No. I- I don't want to die like that."

"It would be beautiful, Doc, but I won't die with the Payload." He is burning with intensity. "Not if you forbid it."

"Were you planning on it?" I laugh, hoping he is joking.

For a moment, he stares into the middle distance, focused on something only he can see. His eyes are blue supergiants; stars that burn hotter and brighter than any other, and die young as they collapse under their own weight and burst out into brilliant explosions of light.

"Yes." He finally says, coming back into himself. "For a while now, I... I've planned to detonate the Payload from inside, so I can see for myself what it's really like."

"Why?" My voice cracks in despair.

"No human being has ever seen such a thing, or ever will again. What is returning to a frozen earth worth compared to seeing the impossible?"

"Everything, Capa!" I want to shake him. "You'll get to see the ice melt. You'll get to see the world as it was when we were children."

"So will everyone."

"Exactly! We'll see it happen together."

He smiles in a ghostly far-off way.

"Forbid me to do it, and I won't."

"I forbid it." The words come as easy as breathing.

Capa nods, a shadow of disappointment passing over his face for a second before it melts into acceptance.

"Okay."

"I'm sorry." I do not fully understand why I apologise.

"Don't be. You just saved a life."

"Why did you give me the choice?"

"What do you know about entanglement theory?"

"What does that have to do with-"

"What do you know about entanglement theory?"

"Very little."

"So, basically, when placed under a huge amount of energy, such as during the Big Bang, a pair of particles can take on some shared property, and even if one of those particles ends up light years away from the other one, you can still tell that the two are entangled because they still share the same property." Capa is alight and animated in a way that only physics can make him. "Now imagine those atoms spend 13 billion years apart, until eventually they end up on earth, one as part of a person in the United States, and one as a person in Australia, and these particles can sense each other. They're calling out to each other, and it effects the people they are a part of. They make them both interested in science, they make them both adrenaline junkies with fucking god complexes who think it'll be fun to get fired into the sun in a big steel stick insect. And, eventually, the two people find each other. Well, one of them doesn't really know how to act for a while, but the other one is always good to him until he realises what he really wants, and hopefully, one day soon, she might let him kiss her and the two entangled particles can touch again."

"My god." I whisper. He can't be serious, can he? "That's some cheesy shit, Capa."

"Yeah, I know." He buries his face in his hands.

"You don't really believe that do you?"

"No." He grins. "No, I'm talking out of my ass here. But it's a good story, huh?"

"I'm impressed. But I need to know something. Capa, if I tell you now that I don't feel the same, will you throw yourself into the sun?"

"No." Capa's face creases in pain. "I already promised you I wouldn't."

"Good."

I lay my lips on his, as gently as I would hold a rose petal between my fingers. Everything he is melts into me, and I am completely and deliciously his, forever. We are simultaneously binary stars, gravitationally bound to one another in orbit, and a pair of insignificant creatures trapped in the void of space by the hubris of our species. Our hands move across every inch of each other in the ancient, desperate hunger that humans have felt for centuries. The hunger to be closer, even when two bodies are pressed flush against each other, the hunger remains. It is as if there is something deep inside each of us that pines to be touched by the other, something that wants to burst out of us and be a new kind of naked. Everything I have felt for Capa since the start of our training boils out of me and into the kiss. I never want to be without him.

#sunshine 2007 #sunshine #sunshine (2007) #icarus 2 #icarus ii #cillian murphy #robert capa #robert capa x reader #robert capa x oc #chris evans #physics #cosmology #speculative fiction #space romance #astronaut fan fiction

[squipifiedbee]

Can I just say even though ‘Everyday’ is the love song of the year thank you my amazing lovely ship ineffable bureaucracy, it is also serving as a bad omen for us all with the impending Armageddon 2 happening ‘everyday it’s a-getting closer, going fast like a rollercoaster’

We know that Armageddon 2 is coming and with Aziraphale now taking over as the Archangel the plan is setting in motion quicker than anyone could realise and I know it’s only a little thing like it’s mainly for the love between Beelzebub and Gabriel but like also serves towards Aziraphale and Crowley like ‘love like yours will surely come my way’ we know they’re gonna get together again by the end and ‘do you ever long for true love with me’ because they never got to experience true love together there has always been that hesitation and the kiss from the end of season that wasn’t true love that was an act of desperation,pleading, sadness inevitably it was Crowley grieving what they could have had and, Aziraphale not giving into what he wants Because he feels like he needs to do this .

I just feel like this song holds more significance than I feel it lets on ya know??

I don’t Know if it’s only me but have you ever heard about one winged angels who have to be together to fly, in some way I feel like this fits Crowley and Aziraphale but with their powers they’ve always been together much like human soulmates they were made for each other as angels due to their power together and that’s why their being forced apart if Aziraphale truly abandoned the concept of heaven being the good guys and hell being bad, him and Crowley have the power alone to ruin the foundations by both heaven and hell as they have became more human in a emotional sense after the time they have spent around them it would be hard for them not to so Crowleys stress and emotional outbursts in this season is more so he doesn’t understand how to handle these human emotions because as a demon and prior as an Angel there was nothing there to provoke this as emotions like this don’t really exist in their world, it’s almost like a child identifying these emotions and learning how to cope with them and I feel like Aziraphale leaving will help this and actually make Crowley realise he loves humanity just as much as he loves Aziraphale he can’t just run off to another planet with him like Gabriel and Beelzebub because they’re attached to the earth they have inhibited and the people they’ve met on the way. And same for Aziraphale he needs to see everything isn’t so black and white both sides are just as equally bad as each other in a sense and that he can’t just follow his religious intent he needs to be his own person of the grasp heaven holds on him much like Nina’s toxic relationship with her Ex

I have so much I could say I just don’t know how to write it down this is as much as I can ramble for now but omg season 2 has hit me in so many way and it’s making it painful for the endurance of having to wait years for S3

If you agree or disagree or have other ideas about season 2 let me know I’d love to read them!!!

#good omens season two #good omens #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable bureaucracy #ineffable husbands #SEASON 2 HAS GOT ME IN A CHOKE HOLD #good omens theory

[tiny012]

They just keep on..

Soo

Why is one of the main concepts of ML have the hero be related to the damn villain???

Like

The main villain is the father of the hero and doesn't know his son is the hero. He needs both the heroine and hero power to set his plan in motion. Which uses people emotions to make them into monsters to try and get the heroine and hero powers.

The hero doesn't know that the villain that him and the heroine is fighting is his father.

WHY YOU HAVE THIS AS A MAIN DAMN CONCEPT IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DO SHIT WITH THE HERO CHARCTER CONCERNING THIS CONFLITCT THAT VERY MUCH CONCERNS HIM??

HIS FAMILY DRAMA!

HIS DAD IS THE DAMN VILLIAN WHILE HE IS TRYING TO STOP HIM FROM FUCKING UP PARIS , THE WORLD ,AND STEALING HIM AND THE HEROINE MIRCLOUS AND HE DOESN'T KNOW IT!

MEANWHILE THE DAD AKA VILLIAN HAS A MIRCLOUS HOLDER THAT HE NEEDS LIVING UNDER HIS DAMN ROOF AND DOESN'T KNOW IT??

Do they realized they was sitting on a damn goldmine if they did it right?

Besides the whole Love Square concept which is

The heroine has a huge crush on the hero civilian form to the point that she gets really anxious around him.

The hero has a huge crush on the heroine but doesn't really interact with her civilian form that much.

The hero and heroine interact with other as

Heroine/Hero

Civilian/Civilian

Heroine/Civilian,

Civilian/Hero

Hell the fandom the do.

Like how hard is it to develop a show with that concept?

The ramifications of both of them founding out and the fact the mother maybe in the center of it all?

COME THE FUCK ON!!

All hell would break lose when not only the hero and heroine found out each other identities are in love with each other after they get character development individually and together but when the hero found out that his father is causing all the shit I mean problems that him and the heroine is facing?????

Then the villain found out that his son is the hero and you found why the villain doing what he's doing because it directly effects the hero??

Then the hero may have to choose between the heroine which he loves and they have given each other so much support and love and his father who is the villain??

How hard is to grasp this concept?

Give that to concept to Manga writer that writes magical girl and they give you something good.

What's the point of making him an interesting and the "main character" if you are not going to do anything with him?

And still develop your heroine in the process which what you supposed to do?

Develop both of them since they both supposed to be the main characters of the story?

I don't have nothing against Ken but it starting to feel insulting to male characters.

Like you just want them to be an accessory to the female character which to be is boring if you can add nothing to my female character slay. Have the male character do nothing.

That is not girl empowerment if you are making her male counterpart less than her and he supposed to be equal to her.

If you are going to give your Main heroine a love interest that also supposed to be the secondary Main Character, make sure him or her is her equal, as badass as her and get as much character development as she do.

Their powers supposed to be yin and yang to each other.

He supposed to be her match and equal in every way.

Her best friend.

The person that support her though her shit and she support them their shit to.

The person who make her better and she makes them better too.

Why is that so fucking hard to do?

Fuck it.

I aint watching the movie either.

Staying with Sailor Moon Manga and Crystal.

#ml salt #Tanya rants about MLB #ml critical #ml criticism

[trenchgardens-ooc-ooc-ooc-ooc]

💔✨🍪 for Ferics, Dlicti, and Calixtus, if that is alright! - Canis

heehee i love these

Does forgiveness come easily or with dificulty for them...

Ferics - In general Bluebell is extremely petty, once they know someone and start to like them that goes away, exception: Miyers (Ferics keeps a mental scoreboard of every tiny thing they can spite him for). If it's something serious, their trust is easy to wound and hard to heal.

Dlicti - She does not forgive. Her trust is fragile and when it shatters the cracks are sharp and draw blood easily. Dlicti is pretty chill, but she has a strict set of rules and does not tolerate encroachment on them. You get maybe three strikes with her, a fourth one is broken glass.

Calixtus - Cali is... hmmm... Cali does not feel like they have much of a self. This probably comes from being the /neutral/ master class, along with the aspect of mind. For the Judge of Mind forgiveness isn't really a concept that comes to them naturally. its not a strict set of rules so it's hard for them to grasp, and thus hard for them to trust. If you pressed them hard enough to tell you if they forgive you, not if the scales are balanced and debts are equalized, but if they Calixtus forgives you, they might break down entirely.

Something that makes them happy

Ferics - Somati. There's nothing like a good shooshsesh for them, either side. They also fucking love conceptualizing things and then making them. one of their favorite things in their workspaces is their 3d printer. They have intense empathy, as stoney as their facade may be, and it itches for them to know there are problems out there they aren't solving, so solving any problem feels great to them, the more important the better. Some are too important though...

Dlicti - Flowers. Also that dinky little violet that comes around to bother her all the time. She gets a very high amount of satisfaction from aligning things in a proper order, whatever that order might be. She loves seeing organisms thrive and orderly systems. It's why she's so fond of gardening.

Calixtus - Seeing the scales balanced. Once they managed to have three seperate conscious periods before they had to be tilted again, that might have been the most at peace they ever were. Cali also feels a really intense melancholy from drawing the three of them happy and alive together. Those drawings are hidden like theyre the nuclear launch codes. They have no idea what they'd do if they had another "hateful embrace" conversation with Calfuray or god forbid Calafay. This green little bastard just wants a stable system.

I can't tell if thats the cookie or the moon... ill do both

If they were an animal, what animal would they be?

Ferics - Donkey, easy. Maybe a mule, but probably a donkey.

Dlicti - hmmm... She gives me the energy of a big old dog. Or a cat. Or a bear?

Calixtus - mmm Snaske :-)

Favorite scents!

Ferics - Somati. Somati is their favorite scent. Nothing beats moirail smell. They do like the smell of rubber cement though... even though they Really shouldn't.

Dlicti - Flowers. Hyacinths probably to be specific, but any flowers are hella. I think some of their favorites are honeysuckles, jack in the pulpits or voodoo lillies, and columbines

Calixtus - Hmm... Old book smell. New book smell. The smell of their hand oil touching metal. I don't know what the tri-cherub's living situation is like... hm... we should do a conveneing on that.

#unlikelyfixerupper #Calixtus #C:pink #Declan ferics #Dlicti Secutu #agonechattel #tenuousglossator #ask game #doggy pal :-)

[hexhomos]

top 5 jay/vik pet peeves? 👀

I let this ask simmer a bit in the back of my inbox because... oh man you guys really want to see me rant like that? Unbelievable. But I'll indulge anyway since I could on about this forever:

#1 the way people straight up delete everything about Jayce as a character, be it talis or giopara, just to turn around and act like he's "leeching off viktor's genius" or "a big stupid dumb idiot who cant grasp simple concepts XD" "brainless idiotic himbo" like… this is so tiring to me. Are you trying to call him braindead? Because that's what it sounds like. I don't find it funny or charming anymore thanks to the sheer density and frequent malice adjacent to this kind of content.

#2 Related to above, but also found on its own, SPECIALLY in arcane fandom bubbles: a fixation on Jayce's body as a sexual object or sexual accessory to other people as his "Only redeeming character trait". It's become so prevalent I don't like browsing content for him anymore. Fans will legitimately make up bullshit reasons as to why Jayce is lesser than other characters (the council, mel, heimerdinger, viktor, vi, whoever, you name it) and then hold up more brainless no personality idiotbad himboXD porn as the only thing his character could ever amount to. Way to go! You're treating this show's singular brown lead as actually subhuman. There truly are no words. And it's not like it's hard to give Jayce an ounce of interesting things to do: most of what people attribute to viktor as sciency and driven and passionate is something that he shares with jayce; sometimes, its straight up things jayce came up with and worked on all his life getting penned as "viktors thing". I just find fandom, for one reason or another, holds a severe disinterest in treating them as equals. And it makes their dynamic worse. (This last point is not exclusive to arcane, sadly.)

#3 Viktor woobification, and an insistence that he could neeeeever do anythiiiiing wroooooong, regardless of verse. It makes him into such an uninteresting non-character. Viktor was created to *BE* the mad scientist archetype; this was his initial concept and it persists to this day, you can't take away his responsibility for his mistakes, or pretend it was Jayce's fault, and still expect him to be a good character. I don't even know what you're stanning at that point. I've had ppl genuinely argue with me that viktor never hurt anyone in game canon and that JAYCE had stolen blitzcrank and its like ????? Do you even know who Stanwick is. Please just read their bios. Both of their bios. Viktor lies to clean up his own story and even before the lore rewrite he was the one who'd initiate violence by Invading Jayce's Lab And Blasting Him With Laserbeams. This guy's ingame kit requires you to kill 100 minions before evolving a weapon prototype. He has an ability called "death ray". You don't think that's funny? Your loss. (Related: a lot of able-bodied people treat viktor's arcane disability as something to patronize him over, and it can be really, really uncomfortable to see.)

#4 this is gonna seem minor compared to above but watching people try and vilify Jayce at every turn to make Viktor or other characters look better can be so unintentionally funny. They never pay attention to anything about his character, just spin a wheel of bad generic adjectives and go: "JAYCE is an out of touch gazillionaire SOCIAL CLIMBER queaking for STATUS who eats diamond dust, shits gold and hates lesbians; he also PISSED on my WIFE," whole time the guy is just minding his business, indentured for life thanks to vampiric 'patrons' making him swear fealty for project funding, canonically stated to have built a name making gadgets for the working class, doesn't even like socializing in Any Universe (and this is the exact thing him and viktor bond over), etc etc etc... this shit is embarrassing brother

#5 unironic googoo talk jaymel or melvik or anything that exists in the middle genuinely makes me roll my eyes. Sometimes I feel as though people watched the bomb scene and then immediately erased out how disrespectful and manipulative it was. I don't care for any of these pairings nor the implication that you have to 'make good with billionaires to reach ultimate peace uwu' that comes attached to most of their content. The TVshow being as centrist and corporate as it is explains why this exists, sure, but I feel so ?????? When I see people acting like viktor and mel would be best buddies, as if she isn't canonically the richest person in Piltover before we even have a timeskip and *Directly Responsible for enabling and profiting off much of the fuckshit going on in Zaun* lol. Where do you think that money came from? Seriously?? Come on. I cannot fathom how people can see Jayce's interactions with her as leading to any sort of positive outcome. They get 0 romantic buildup worth caring for and are boring as all hell. And the next one is less common but: whenever people try to fit her plotline into leagueverse I just, LOL. The ruling Medarda in league is a 70-something manlet white geezer. Jayce giopara is a fag and his entire bio was designed around viktor. The council plays no part in their story and they're far more interesting for it, thank fucking god.

#Hexposts #Jayvik #Arcane #long post

[nerdylilpeebee]

Real victims already have a hard enough time getting their rapists convicted without people like you screaming about the 2% of cases that make up false accusations. If you're genuinely saying that you're willing, and require, someone to rape another person in order to be proven as a rapist, you're actively contributing to the culture that makes it so difficult for rape and sexual assault to be taken seriously in court.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21164210/

https://www.brown.edu/campus-life/health/services/promotion/sexual-assault-dating-violence/myths-about-sexual-assault-reports

Between 2% and 10% of sexually topical allegations are dismissed as or rescinded as false allegations per annum in the USA.

In 2022, excluding unforced statutory rape and lesser degree sex offences, there were 133,294* reported forced rape cases in the USA.

(*https://www.statista.com/statistics/191137/reported-forcible-rape-cases-in-the-usa-since-1990/)

That means (on potential statistical value) there were between 2,666 and 13,330 false allegations. Again, working on pure statistics here.

And not to mention the amount of victims who rescind their truthful allegations because of threats, fear, ect.

That means there were between 130,628 and 119,946 valid rape reports. Just reports, mind you. I can assure you, that does not equal the reflected value in actual convictions.

Are you seriously telling me that you're willing to allow 130,628 potential rapists to walk free on the off-chance that 2,666 of them are innocent? That you're willing to allow untold numbers of people to be raped, when it could've been prevented, just because, maybe, that one victim isn't telling the truth?

....

So you're saying we should just accept innocents lives being ruined and taken because you've convinced yourself only 2% of cases is false?

And worse, you're saying you DON'T need someone to rape someone in order to believe they fucking raped someone??? "If you're willing, and require, someone to rape another person in order to be proven a rapist"? The fuck are you talking about??? If there's no fucking proof, they can't be convicted, nor should anyone believe they raped. If they rape another person and there's proof, then they will be convicted.

Why is it such a difficult concept to grasp that we shouldn't keep encouraging a culture that ruins innocent lives as long as they have a penis and woman cries "rape"? That "just believe women" and being willing to sacrifice innocent men just so women will be believed no matter what, which leads to more and more accusations of rape being proven false, is both INCREDIBLY sexist and straight up fucking EVIL.

I hate to say it, but I'm convinced at this point you only hold this stance because you're a woman, and thus not one of the people who's lives will be fucking ruined by someone claiming you raped them. Why else view sacrificing innocent people as at all fair, just, or needed?

#tvp discourse #long post #rape #false accusations

[jenyifer]

alright watched eps 4 to 7 of Kiseki: Dear To Me. I am still confused as to what is exactly going on with the plot. I have watched the other HIStory’s (albeit a while ago) I assume they have to get rid of the drugs for the Trapped guy. Maybe? Idk DOES IT MATTER? I assume kind of of but that’s not why I’m here. The surprise undercover teacher student thing was a interesting turn of events. I am concerned with main ships age gap but it isn’t the worst I’ve seen so 🤷🏻‍♀️ excusable. I enjoyed Ai Di biting Chen Yi when Chen Yi was drunk. Even if that’s what Ai Di wants he wants the real thing to be assured. I find the doctor kid not wanting to over use Rui very relatable. I usually make more than my partners and it is hard for them to grasp “the concept money isn’t what I want from you believe me our relationship is equal”. But truly it’s hard to accept other people have different desires of what they want from a partnership. Very fragile.

Anyways here are my fave photos

By the power of doctor child’s night light they shall have half an episode of spicy time

I mean I’m shaking in my boots but not from fear… mostly laughter

Where can I find someone to hold me like Chen Yi holds Ai Di

#kiseki: dear to me #kiseki: dear to me ep4-7 #Jenny’s watching

[stark-raving-madd]

echo

They say that she is Prometheus’.

But Chione cannot say for certain if she really is.

“It makes sense that you can scarcely recall it,” Boreas mused, taking a delicate sip of tea from the cup sitting in his hands. He looks thoughtful. “Your conception, I mean. Most creations are lucky to recall it at all. Your minds are often too feeble to grasp it.”

Mournfully, his eyes turn downcast from behind his white mask. “He has likely made you to abate the loss in his heart, after Epimetheus’ sudden return to the star. I’m not surprised that he's thrown himself headlong into nurturing you.”

She nods along, pretending to understand the words coming from his mouth despite knowing nothing at all. Chione hardly grasped words, language being foreign to her. Whenever she speaks, it comes out garbled and mangled, a mockery of the eloquent speech proper Etheiryians spoke. A reminder of her place among gods.

Chione lives in a paradise, in a land that had no parallel or equal in its majesty. Everyday, she marvels over creations and man alike, captivated by the world around her not unlike a newborn baby. No one should be surprised by her childlike demeanor- not unlike Meteion’s- when Chione hardly grasps others’ existence, let alone her own.

And how can she? How could she even begin to fathom her own existence at present when she cannot comprehend her own birth? Prometheus has yet to tell her during their daily travels, even when their hands are interlocked and he shows her their his world.

It’s hard for Chione to feel fully at ease anymore. She has always been fond of their travels, of seeing the world in all its glory and meeting its denizens, but her heart grows uneasy at night, when she's in bed tucked away in her own thoughts.

Perhaps she is Prometheus’ creation, a reflection of his will to have a partner on his travels. It would make sense, she does have a piece of his soul after all. But she isn’t sure. She can’t be sure. She doesn’t even remember her own birth. Is Chione even her name?

Prometheus listens to her worries sincerely, unlike anybody else. She voices them nearly every other day, and every other day he takes her hand once more, and gently abides her concerns.

“Fret not my dear,” Prometheus smiles down at her as he kneels to her height. At times, she feels like a petulant child that needs his coddling and comfort. “I understand your concern, but you need not have fear. Whether or not you can recall your origin is of no consequence. What matters is your present. Now come, let us go, there is still much for us to see and do.”

Dutifully, Chione bobs her head up and down, making a noise of discontentment as he adjusts her bone white mask, so very identical to his own, tucking both her hair and horns carefully beneath it. He chuckles, not missing the rather petulant look across her face as he attends to her. As his creation, there is of course a piece of his own eccentric nature within her. What he is not responsible for, is the growing chasm of emptiness within her heart.

Trailing behind Prometheus as he performs his daily duties is something Chione does without question. She doesn’t question much at all, other than the small inquiries about their society. Prometheus always answers her earnestly, always happy to teach her something, and he encourages her to be open with him.

He is an important man, she can tell, even with her short life and limited knowledge. People everywhere they went utter his title with awe and astonishment, hardly sparing her a glance. The word, the title Azem is treated with such reverence, and Chione understands why. He treats everyone around him with grace and humility, an air of fatherly affection about him. He nurtures the world and people in his life as much as he nurtures Chione, gingerly running a finger over the waxen petals of a flowering sykon, murmuring hushed words of encouragement to an child when they struggle to muster the best of their magicks, and gently sliding a slice of apple past Chione’s lips to feed her.

Wherever he went, Prometheus wanted everyone and everything to flourish in his wake, to see them blossom.

That includes Chione.

#madd writing #madd #beau writes #Beau rambles #I haven’t posted writing here in a while. I like to think I’ve improved a lil #may or may not make a part two! or just make a post rambling about this paracosm in general hehe #pre-sundering

[thephilosophersapprentice]

I have a bit of a bee in my bonnet about how D&D memes have damaged the understanding of what chaotic neutral is and how it functions in the context of the game. Sit back, relax, and pour yourself a hot drink; this is going to maybe get intense.

Disclaimer: This is not a vagueblog, just a mindset I've seen around, both on Reddit and Tiktok. It's my intention to aid understanding, not sound accusatory.

For those who've never played, or who only have a passing concept of character alignments, D&D uses a system not unlike a political compass, just replacing the economic axis with a good-to-evil axis and reversing the direction of the libertarian-to-authoritarian axis.

Let's break down the two components (the two axes) that make up a character alignment.

Lawful to chaotic is a measure of how much you value your personal freedom over the law. However, there are different ways to spin lawful vs. chaotic characters; a chaotic character may believe, for instance, that the law limits the true scope of what one person can do to help another, while a lawful person may be lawful because they believe that the law exists to make everyone equal and protect them all. On the other hand, a lawful character may not care about the laws of the civilization they're in so much as a personal moral code. A chaotic character isn't 2014 Tumblr Random because they're chaotic; the Randomness is a character trait, not the result of the alignment.

Good to evil is a bit harder to define. Red from Overly Sarcastic Productions defines evil as "causing harm unnecessarily," but also goes into the fact that any definition breaks down under specific circumstances, all in her excellent Trope Talk on the subject. Basically, a good character tries to minimize the harm they cause others, while an evil character may not care or outright cause as much harm as possible because they think it's fun.

A neutral character (on either scale) is hard to define as well. Roughly, a neutral character has situations in which they act chaotic and situations in which they act lawful, situations in which they act moral and situations in which they cause harm needlessly.

Dear reader, you may have already grasped an idea of why "chaotic neutral" is so misunderstood. There are players out there who use the chaotic neutral alignment to justify acting like a chaotic evil character and avoid the associated bad press. I'd argue that you can't play this style and keep your alignment chaotic neutral unless you chaotically do roughly as much good as you do harm.

Why does it matter? Gameplay-wise, in 5e, it doesn't. There were editions in the past where there were consequences to your alignment choices, but no more. But from a storytelling perspective? From the motivation of not being terrible to your fellow players? Understanding the alignments (and table etiquette as well) can make or break the experience.

Please, if you want to do terrible things, just go ahead and play any flavor of evil--chaotic, lawful, or neutral. Following table rules and player etiquette, there is absolutely nothing wrong with playing an evil character. There's not even any gameplay mechanics to make it uncomfortable, and being evil in the game does not equal being evil in the real world. Look at the DM--they're probably portraying evil characters so you have a villain to fight, and it doesn't make them any less a good person or any less a good DM.

As a personal example, I have a chaotic neutral rogue/artificer/bard (I haven't decided which way I want to multiclass.) Said character is chaotic neutral because she has seen the men in charge fail the people they were supposed to serve (therefore chaotic, valuing personal freedom) and because she's seen and done things that make her believe she isn't a good person (though she doesn't believe she's a bad one, either.) She might believe that the ends justify the means, but there are lines that she still won't cross.

Alignments are nuanced. They're highly dependent on the situation and the group you play with. As a DM, if you have a justification for why your character alignment is what it is, I'll listen and allow it, but bear in mind that how your character acts will affect how people around them react to them. (For instance, if your character has been a jerk to everyone in the vicinity, I'll probably set the persuasion DC at 25--which, unless you're a level 20 character, is very high.)

Also, fun fact--if you play chaotic, you're kind of sharing the same half of the political compass with the libertarians. 😊

Go forth! Have fun!

#long post #dungeons and dragons #dnd #d&d #character alignments

[rollercoasterwords]

i always find the discourse about wlw rep in the fandom sk interesting. like. i’m not gonna lie and say that it isn’t something i haven’t agreed with and gone “yeahh i do want wlw” “yeah omg why is there an attention on mlm”. it’s frustrating sometimes. esp when i was younger i distinctly remember being freshly new out of the closet (and by that time i was alr reading mlm ff) and then going to look for wlw and being kind of. disappointed. being older now, and interacting with a lot of other ppl, and understanding things more i wholeheartedly agree with ur points abt this. it’s true. it makes sense. but i can see why it’s so hard for ppl to grasp. and i understand why ppl are always always bringing up this discourse. before i had someone point it out to me in that sense like “look ff is different than the main media we consume” i hadn’t rly made that connection, bc to me, it was just media. it was entertainment, it was a silly little story just like so many id read before. and like. obviouslyyy now i see how while it may feel like it’s all the same to me, it’s not and it warrants a different type of behavior and attitude almost. but it can be hard to get to that point, even after someone points it out. and it can hard to let go to that way of thinking even after you know it’s “wrong” (i say this in quotes bc i don’t rly think it’s wrong per so but like. uninformed. or ignorant almost). there is a very fine line between the mainstream media we consume and ff but that line is hidden under layers and layers of ideas and concepts we alr have (and it’s hole only dug deeper with things like tik tok, where you see multiple multiple videos telling you every day that “we should demand more wlw rep” etc and considering it’s an app that doesn’t encourage ppl to think critically at allll) so yeah idk where i was rly going with this, but it’s just always smth i think abt when i see this discrouse.

and like side note, that’s not to say that there isn’t wlw there are so so so many great fics out there, and like you said, if you want it so desperately just simply do it yourself etc etc, but in the context of this, i think ppl cling to the idea of wanting a mega popular everyone’s read it this is the fic™️ fic for wlw abd they want the same kind of discourse and tik tok popularity and attention that mlm fics get yk? that’s why a lot of the times, the need snd incessant screaming for that drowns out the voices alr there.

yeah i mean i understand where it's coming from when people say they wish there was more "wlw rep" in the fandom and i do think that the people who act as if they need to Crusade for more wlw fic are mostly coming from a place of ignorance re: the way fanfic functions as an inherently different form of media from books, movies, etc. and i'm sure that part of it is coming from a place of wanting to feel like u can make some Real Change in the media u consume. however i do think a large part of it is also coming from wanting to virtue signal for brownie points and also knowing that stirring up controversy and acting as if u are Crusading on behalf of a Good Cause will get u more likes and views. and at the end of the day regardless of where it's coming from it is all equally annoying and equally harmful in the way that it seeks to drag fanfiction into some sort of internet profit economy. so! it's like...do i think that many of these people are just misinformed? yes, absolutely. but i will be honest and say that personally i am running out of sympathy for people who are just soooooo sad because they want more wlw fics simply because. well me myself and i when we looked around the marauders fandom and thought "hmm this could use some more lesbians" we simply wrote fanfiction about lesbians. and it's like well yes i understand that me myself and i are an immortal being with godlike power who is better than everyone but these people could still at least TRY to get on my level like c'mon now....this is perhaps one of the only forms of media where u actually have direct control over what "representation" u can find. and complaining that "there's no good wlw fic" is insulting to everyong who writes good wlw fics. not very #feminist methinks!!!

also to ur sidenote--i think this is so true! in my little foray into the tiktok comments on all these discourse videos over the last like week or so i have seen over and over and over again people going "we need an atyd but for the girls!!!" and it's like....why. PAUSE for one second. rewind. think about why u feel that it is necessary for there to be One Big Viral Fic in order for a ship to Officially Have Representation. what does that say about the way you engage with fandom. what does that say about your definition of "representation." what does that say about the metrics u are using to like....assign value to fanfics. because personally to me it signals that u have been so sucked into this weird tiktokification of fanfiction that u only think fic is worth engaging with if it's reached a certain level of virality on tiktok, which is half of what's giving way to this whole "representation" issue in the first place, because the problem isn't that people aren't writing wlw fics, it's that you aren't seeing them because they aren't one of TikTok's Top 5 Most Popular Fanfictions and you refuse to venture outside that corner of the fandom. and the snake eats its own tail once again </3

#believe it or not i actually wanted to be a little ruder in this answer lmao #not to u anon i have no problems w u i totally understood where u were coming from #i am just. annoyed by all the discourse and running out of patience for it lmao #ranting and raving #ask

[gorgeousgreymatter-x]

I think what bothers me so much is they could've had a decent point, that you can be pretty and masculine, that pretty doesn't always equal feminine, and that there is nuance to gender presentation. And could've just left it at that. But they went on to say it was basically like people were making Steddie M/F like femininity = woman in every scenario, and that's what bothers me?

Woman can be masculine and still be women! Men can be feminine and still be men! People can be both, simultaneously and it doesn't detract from their gender or their sexuality.

I'm a queer transmasc person and I personally enjoy being feminine despite being AFAB, because I understand that I'm still a man even when I am feminine.

Queer men can be masculine and pretty or handsome, feminine and pretty or handsome, anything in between and pretty or handsome. Me being feminine doesn't take away from my gender, and I hate the sentiment that it does. I am pretty, I am feminine, and I'm a boy! Those things are not mutually exclusive, and I'm allowed to write Steve in that way if I want because it's an experience I know and want to explore creatively.

Fandom arguments get so toxic sometimes it makes me wanna shove my head in the sand. Why do we have to argue about everything? You can have different interpretations of a character without telling someone to go eat shit and die for disagreeing with you. Two points can be true simultaneously and not be in direct opposition to one another. Steve being feminine doesn't take away from his queerness or his manhood in the same way he can still be masculine and appreciated for his looks. Feminine is not a dirty word, gender is fake, queerness is beautiful no matter what presentation, why is this such a hard concept for people to grasp? When did creativity become a chore?

I'm tired.

you hit the nail on the head!!!

#this has been a good take

[r0-boat]

Bitebitesnap, you have made me bawl profusively over my desk at 5AM, you've emotionally obliterated me you monster (I underestimated how bad that was going to get and I was not prepared, it's not your fault. Also this was God Tier content. Please hurt me more.)

I had been thinking about a fight scene earlier, though I was thinking of the Royal fighting Volo specifically, not a full invasion with so much death. Though it's solidified my own idea within my mind: I (and the Royal collective here) need a fucking sword. Bonus points if it's like Shinobu Kocho's, but instead of having regular poison it has Raid Wasp and Hornet killer on it. Also, there would be a strategic benefit to having and using cans of Raid like grenades. An attack? Throw something sharp at a pressurized and highly flammable can of what's tantamount to mustard gas. No more attack. What good is a human Royal if they don't introduce the hive to human inventions that can help them survive.

Also the little worldbuilding tidbit about how the Royal sees everyone as irrepplacable, but the Kings (and probably the drones theirselves) see drones as easily replacable. I had to fucking stop and think about that one. That's a glaring difference in perception, an utter mindfuck, how does anyone even deal with that? And Emmet was so confused, Ingo had a grasp of it, but I didn't get the vibe he could fully empathize with the Royal. We thought the dick measuring was an issue, but how do you tackle the value of life/lives? Especially in the hive environment that's essentially a town, nation, coporation and family all in one? And the bit about "lesser" species, the Royal doesn't like that and obviously, if they can see the bees as being equal to humans and love them, I'm sure they don't feel different for other hybrids.

Just wow. I'm gonna be thinking about this shit for awhile.

I try not to think about the heavy World building stuff haha fun sexy smut.

But I did prepare some answers so I will list them all right here.

But the Drone thing I do have to bring up.

Yes I am in fact aware that literally all bees in a beehive are related.

Yes, the old Queen they killed was practically their mother.

Yes, they did kill their mom for human pussy./j

(The old queen being related to them is not canon. She probably just stole all these eggs and raised them as her own)

I treat insect hybrids differently than their normal insect counterparts for one thing their lifespan is significantly longer. (Like a humans)

And if the bee kings got the queen pregnant

( which is really hard to do because they are still separate species, but not impossible)

The Bee Kings hybrids with the queen will be drastically different from other drones because they would be more human than bee. They're probably won't be very many of them at all so I would call them princesses / princess.

A King are the only ones who are versatile enough to breed

Although the concept of bees holding guns is pretty funny I think they would use crossbow weapons or weapons they make by themselves. There's a lot of scrap iron in train station.

Haha, the queen's form of pepper spray is basically Raid that's pretty funny.

The reason why I love insect hybrids is because they're just so different from other hybrids and I just get so many ideas ,I don't know insects just hit different. Also i don't see many insect hybrids which is a shame.

#ro.chatting #beegearstation

[iminaloine]

A Tangent on Why Queer Family Matters to Me (pretty long)

One thing that really irritates the fuck out of me is when homophobes try to denounce same-sex parents under the guise of their kids needing a proper mother and father figure in their life. Now obviously I think that's complete horseshit. The funny thing is I didn't realise why it irritated me so much until earlier this year.

When I was younger I would question why I was so unbothered by the LGBTQ+ community despite coming from a country that actively reviles it and views it as a crime (Nigeria). Even figuring out that I was bi and nb didn't really feel like an 'aha!' moment. I literally just straight up got a crush on a girl in the middle of high school and spent a month reevaluating my entire being and just came out the other end like "huh. guess that's a thing now". It never felt like a big deal, because it never felt like it was "out of the ordinary" to be queer in the first place.

I only just realised early this year that it's because I was raised by two women; my mom and her childhood best friend platonically moved in together way before I was born. My dad dipped early, so I literally grew up in a household that was completely different from the heteronormative structure that a big chunk of society still views as the norm. And yeah, even though they're both the biggest cishets to have ever cishayed, they still raised me and my sibling well. Pretty fucking well, in fact. And in doing so they taught me that there is literally no concrete picture of 'family'. As long as you love the hell out of each other and stick together then you meet that criteria. That fact is something that will always be important to me. And it honestly boggles my mind that despite this pretty clear-cut concept, a lot of people still find it hard to grasp? Like I've gotten into so many arguments with people who think that this belief is the mic drop of the year, and like—it's really not??

And hearing about more people who were raised in homes that didn't make gender/sexuality out to be something that's set in stone (because it isn't) makes me feel really happy because like, YEAH! A person's identity 1. isn't something that they have to be sure of right off the bat, and it's okay (healthy, even) for parenting styles to support that, and 2. DOESN'T make your parents terrible people because they're depriving you of the father/mother you never had, or whatever. Like I understand that there are some levels of nuance to this argument but just. To anyone who has this opinion, I just want to stress this.

Dysfunctional families are not caused by same-sex parents. They are caused by dysfunctional parents and/or family members, irrespective of sexuality or gender identity.

Those two ideas can coexist, and even intersect! But one does not equal the other. And having the conventional idea of the nuclear family be basically mythologised by conservatives or homophobes (or both) just paints queer people as horrible parents for just existing, while upholding the idea that as long as a family has a mother and a father, they're Perfectly Splendid. Which is a pretty damaging narrative to hold on to. I know I'm definitely privileged to have the family I do because a lot of queer people don't, and that's why this whole thing makes me so mad. Because according to some, maybe a lot of people, my family isn't valid. It's other. It's wrong. And that's a really ignorant take.

But yeah, that's my way too long, extremely unstructured tangent that was probably just a rant but I needed to get it out of me. But hey, I'm barely an adult, my opinion on this topic probably doesn't even matter anyway, thank you

#this ended up being way longer than I intended #but oh well #lgbtq #lgbtqia #nonbinary #bisexual #diatribe #but hey I'm just a scruffy 19-year-old #don't even know if I'm even qualified to have a say in this argument #maybe it's not as big of an issue in other places #and it only seems that way to me #because I'm in a very homophobic country #but like it FEELS like it is