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elleloquently · 1 year

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invisible string [3] : ellie williams

part two

| college!ellie - wow i am so glad that people are enjoying this oh my gosh!! to be completely honest i didn't really plan how long/short i want this series to be, or how many parts it's going to be so i guess we'll see?? but it is 4am and i could not stop writing but i finished and now i am going to sleep! head in hands i have feelings for her your honor i will probably have to re edit this in the morning elleloquently go to sleep challenge

| c/w - reader is anxious, general swearing for every part because it's ellie

on friday evening, sometime after the study session, you had drafted a text to send to ellie.

hey! thanks for studying today, I re|

hey! i really had fun wi|

hey ellie,|

when saturday came around, you figured you had already waited too long and missed your chance to text her. it should've been a few hours after you departed, close enough that it was relevant to thank her for her time yet not too close to seem overbearing.

sunday afternoon you were frustrated with your inability to make up your mind. you had yet to even save her number into your phone, and it was certainly too late to make a move now.

you were spiraling. completely overthinking every action and word, worried that any sort of relationship or interaction you potentially could've had with ellie had already slipped through your fingers.

turning over in bed, you stared at the green sticky note on your wall. you had put it there on friday, careful not to crease or fold any corner of the paper as you carefully pressed it to the wall. her handwriting on display on your wall, you lost minutes just gazing at it.

Ellie!!!!!

by monday morning you were a wreck, nearly contemplating skipping class. you felt rude, not texting ellie when she offered up her phone number in the first place.

she clearly wouldn't have given you her phone number if she didn't want you to actually use it, and you spent your early hours cursing yourself while getting ready for not coming to that realization sooner.

the walk to class felt like a death march. accompanied by gray skies and frost covered grass, you hoped being early to class would give you some time to speak to ellie before it started. luckily you had gotten used to getting there early, and ellie hadn't beaten you there first this time.

it felt like a waiting game, twirling a pencil between your fingers and snapping your head up every time someone new entered the classroom. with only minutes until the lecture was going to begin, a few desks remained open, including the one next to you where ellie previously sat the last time you had class.

letting go of any hope that you would be able to talk before class started, you flipped through your notes in an attempt to refocus your thinking. while scanning your previously highlighted words, the sight of a familiar bag and converse caught your eye.

you immediately looked up, smiling, hoping to catch ellie's eye just as she had caught yours. the desk next to you was still available, but it remained open as ellie walked past and returned to her original seat a few aisles away.

with a sinking heart and trembling hands, your smile faded. you screwed up. you knew you screwed up, why were you such an idiot? why couldn't you have just texted her?

it was torture, having such a brief taste of what it was like to make ellie laugh, only to go back to not existing in her orbit.

it was your own fault, that's what made it worse.

taking notes and reviewing lecture slides was a tedious task that you didn't have the capacity for, not when ellie was right there and she was all that you could think about.

if this is how you were after merely one study session, you were certain to be doomed. although, maybe the one study session was all you were destined to have.

your own writing utensil was untouched, abandoned on your desk as your gaze lingered on ellie. you watched as she furiously took notes, thinking back to her handwriting posted back on your wall.

time moves slower in a classroom. what feels like hours are only mere seconds according to the clock hands, taunting and teasing your restless tendencies at every given moment.

ellie doesn't look over to meet your gaze, not even once. you can easily count the number of days left in the semester, and winter break was going to come no matter how badly you wanted to talk to the pretty girl in your social psych class. with the changing of the semester, there were no promises that you would ever even see ellie on campus again, let alone share a class with her.

eventually the clock decided to agree with your concept of time, and you were determined to catch ellie while everyone was packing up. you rushed to shove things in your bag, not caring if anything was crumpled or put back perfectly into its secure place. you kept your eyes on ellie, and abruptly stood up when she stepped past your desk so you could walk out of the doorway together.

"hey," you chirped, careful not to bump ellie's shoulder as you shrugged your bag higher onto your own.

"hey," ellie replied, meeting your eyes for the first time that day.

your cheeks burned but ellie looked troubled and then indifferent, your confidence to apologize for the lack of text messages rapidly decreasing by the second.

nearing the building exit, your heart quickened with every second and your mouth began moving before your brain could process what was being said.

"hey, so, thanks for the other day. it made the studying fun," you admitted, eyeing ellie cautiously as you didn't want to overstep so soon.

ellie stopped short and turned to face you, gripping onto the straps of her bag that were loosely around her shoulders. her eyebrows furrowed as she stayed silent, but relief soon washed over your body at the words that left her lips.

"it was fun, wasn't it?" cracking a smile, ellie blew out a deep breath and shook her head. "helpful, too."

short, auburn strands released themselves from her bun, joining the loose hair that collected around her shoulders. with a newfound confidence from her reply, you pressed on.

"i wanted to text you, but, uh, i wasn't sure..." you trailed off, hard to latch onto any clear thought with her eyes meeting yours. you broke eye contact, glancing down at your shoes when you heard ellie snort.

"you weren't sure if i wanted you to?" ellie questioned. her tone was quiet and serious which made your face lift to meet her eyes once again. she was smiling, so you nodded.

"yeah," you confirmed. "it's...it's dumb."

scanning your face, ellie heaved out another sigh.

"don't you think if i give you my phone number, it's because i want you to use my phone number?" ellie raised her eyebrows, the amusement and curiosity patent on her features.

as small groups continued down the hall, you moved out of the way by sliding closer to the wall.

"fair point," you mumbled, the feeling of embarrassment creeping back up on you.

just as you were starting to doubt yourself, ellie jumped back in to save you.

"hey, when's your next class?" she asked suddenly.

eyes widening, you quickly forced your phone out of your pocket to check the time.

in an hour.

"actually, i'm all done for the day!" you lied, plastering a smile onto your face.

ellie hummed, content.

"wanna take our notes and see if we can manage to find something edible at the dining hall?" ellie proposed, tilting her head and raising her eyebrows.

yes.

"sure," you agreed, brushing hair out of your face. a nervous habit.

the tell might've been easy, but ellie wasn't fazed.

"alright," she wound up, holding her arm out to gesture you to lead the way.

the way ellie fell in step with you made you smile, and your cheeks burned so much you could've been mistaken for having a fever.

the dining hall in question wasn't far, but you secretly hoped for a longer paced walk so you could sneak glances at the green eyed girl walking next to you.

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walking with ellie on campus felt natural and comfortable. she was easy to talk to, thank god, and you could almost ignore the anxious pounding in your chest.

you looked down at your shoes a lot while you talked, or straight ahead at your pathing, missing the occasional glance from ellie.

looking at you sideways and smiling, her eyes refocused elsewhere when you raised your head.

while ellie spoke, and you weren't worried about what to do with your body or your hands or your facial expressions, you would allow yourself to get comfortable for a moment, focusing on the warmth of her voice.

though you felt nervous about the pressure of sitting with her again, less things to be distracted by, even navigating the dining hall felt not as mundane at ellie's side.

you walked together, doing a loop around the hall when nothing looked particularly appetizing, deciding to plate up with snacks to share instead. safe foods that couldn't be botched took up the space, like fries, loose veggies from a salad bar, and little pickings from a dessert table.

you got settled at a round table, food on one side and school stuff on the other. it was intimidating to be sitting across from ellie, and you felt like you didn't know where to look.

it was strange, how it felt so easy yet so hard at the same time.

feeling like you owed it after the texting situation, your brain nagged at you to start up a conversation first. you swiped through the pockets of your bag until your fingers landed on a pen.

"so... do you... need help with notes today?"

"hm?" ellie made a sound, half distracted, before her eyes grew in realization. "oh! notes. nah, i'm all good."

you nodded, keeping a firm grip on your pen just to give your hand something to do.

"thanks though," elle quickly added, genuine but quiet.

you nodded once more, lost for words but desperately clawing at your brain to try to come up with something natural. to fill the silence you tried something from the plate of food just as ellie began to speak once more.

"what are you gonna do after college?" she quipped.

"next question," you immediately denied, earning a short laugh from ellie.

"fair enough." the corners of her mouth turned upwards and you quickly mirrored ellie's expression, not able to help it.

"what do you like to do? outside of notes and studying, obviously," you asked, studying her curiously.

your heart ached to get to know her, to genuinely know her, and after sneaking glances at her during class throughout the semester, it felt nearly surreal to be engaging in a conversation with her now.

it was somehow simultaneously nothing you could've expected, and yet everything you would've hoped for.

ellie sighed, content, but you could've sworn she almost sounded shy as she answered your question.

"play guitar," she shrugged, as if she were trying to brush it off as a passing comment instead of a point in conversation.

"no shit? that's so cool," you gushed, genuinely impressed. in response, ellie's cheeks turned pink and she quickly looked down, picking at the food. in a matter of seconds she seemed relaxed instead of tense, the color leaving her cheeks as quickly as it appeared.

"i like it," ellie gave in with a sigh. "do you play?"

you shook your head in disappointment. "i wish," you responded wistfully.

"i could show you sometime," ellie offered.

the idea alone made your head spin, and you glanced down at where her hands were resting on the table. she had calluses on her fingers, and your eyes trailed from her fingertips to her tattoo. ellie pretended not to notice, and reached over to your side of the table. you froze momentarily but she grabbed your pad of sticky notes, blue, and set them down in front of her.

"i would be... a horrible student," you laughed, shaking your head at the idea.

"come on," ellie teased, wrinkling her nose as she stole your pen.

"i would love to learn," you enthused, trying not to focus on how quickly your heart was beating. "i just don't know how much you would like me by the time the lesson was over."

"yeah, alright," ellie mused, rolling her eyes with a grin.

every time she smiled you felt like you had accomplished something, and it made you wanting to chase that reaction even more.

study materials were ignored, placed on the table as a buffer that was quickly unnecessary and unneeded. the conversation felt effortless and you were on a high. you complimented ellie's tattoo to which she complimented your name, rolling it off of her tongue and you wished desperately to live inside of that moment.

"i like it," she said earnestly.

every bold statement was countered with a falter, a slip of the mask or a sheepish smile, but always quickly recovered.

you talked about your major and why you chose it, the reasoning sounding a lot like a very complicated guessing game, and ellie hummed along to show that she was listening while she got busy doodling something with your stolen pen.

after a moment she ripped the piece with the drawing away from the rest of the pad, proudly placing it in front of you.

on the blue paper was a drawing of a little dinosaur wearing a tiny hat.

"it's a hatosaur," ellie informed you, grinning at her own creation.

"i love it." you gave it a good look before you returned it back to ellie. the smile fell from her face and you were quick to explain yourself.

"you have to sign it," you pressed, and ellie laughed in agreement.

once the cursive letters of her name were under the drawing, it was back in your possession. you reached out for the post-its and ellie quickly handed them over, along with your pen. you smiled graciously and then placed your arm around the paper as a barrier.

"don't look," you warned ellie, which resulted in her stretching her neck to get a better look. you looked up at her, bewildered, trying your best to suppress your laughter as she sunk back deep into her seat.

"man, i would totally skip my next class if i could," ellie mumbled wistfully.

you finished your doodle, signed your name in tiny letters at the bottom, and removed the note from the stack so you could present it to ellie.

"ta-da, baby snoopy," you remarked.

"oh man," ellie breathed, looking at you quickly and then back to the doodle. "look at that little guy!"

"should've been an art major," you clicked your tongue, pretending to be disappointed in yourself.

"our talents are being wasted away," ellie agreed, picking up the picture you had made and holding it in front of herself. "i'm keeping this," she informed you.

"okay," you easily agreed. "i'm keeping your... hatosaur."

ellie stretched her arm out to you, her hand dangling by your face. you panicked before you realized what was intended and quickly saved yourself, shaking ellie's hand as a deal.

dropping her grin, ellie focused in on you earnestly.

"i don't want to go to class," she confided.

"i'm so very sorry," you copied her expression and ellie tapped her hands on the table.

"shit," she muttered begrudgingly. "i better go."

you nodded in understanding, slipping the drawing that ellie had made carefully into your pocket.

"really good studying today," you joked.

ellie smirked and rolled her eyes, and your heart soared. standing and clearing the table with final words of "see you in class," you headed off in one direction while ellie left in the other.

during your walk you didn't even notice the cold, or the fact that the comings of winter meant that the sun threatened to set much earlier in the evening. ellie's drawing in your pocket kept you company.

as soon as you arrived in your room, you carefully placed it on the wall next to the previous note. ellie was now on your wall two times, which didn't even begin to represent how often she was on your mind.

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you waited exactly thirty five minutes until you entered ellie's phone number into your phone. this time, constructing a message came naturally to you.

hey! i had fun today. i hope your class goes well!

the thought still gave you butterflies, so you launched your phone across your bed as soon as your finger hit send. immediately after you winced and lunged for your phone, quickly sending another text clarifying who you were.

your phone vibrated shortly after, and the sight of ellie's name of your screen was a welcomed one. her response made your breath catch in your throat:

Uh, how'd you get my number...?

her second text came quickly after and you sighed in relief, trying to contain all of the emotions that were threatening to burst out of you at any given moment.

Kidding. It was fun, seriously. If only I didn't have class, ughhh...

you lock your phone and then unlock it again right away, staring at her words. words she typed out and sent to you, and you suddenly felt like the luckiest person in the world.

[ part four ]

#there’s a little wink to the game in this one #her corny dinosaur joke LMAO i had to include it #ellie williams x you #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams college au #ellie tlou x reader #tlou x reader

716 notes · View notes

hollowed-theory-hall · 5 days

Note

How does the protection magic that Lily's sacrifice placed on Harry work? On that note- how do the blood wards placed on the Dursley household operate?

Like- does the latter act as a notice me not/ fidelius of its own? Protecting Harry's location from other magicals? (It would have been easy for another Longbottom tragedy to occur after all) from what I remember the blood wards have no affect on the protection cast by Lily's sacrifice, and instead sort of extend the effect to the household???

Also on the topic of the protection- we saw the end Quirrel met. And... I just wondered- why didn't this sort of reaction extend to all the people - the Dursleys included- who laid their hands + spells on Harry with the intent to harm? By all means the blood wards should have fallen the moment The Dursleys tried to physically harm Harry. Can't see a protection powered by Lily's intent, extending to people who mean her son harm.

Unless of course the magic and the wards are targetted at Riddle specifically. Which brings the question- why didn't it set on fire/ harm anything considering even the traces of Riddle's presence/ influence. Eg. The people with the death Eater brands, the horcruxes, the soul shard inside Harry himself??

Ugh. Just so many questions.

Ps. Could the blood wards have been transferred/ worked in a residence comprising of the people Harry considered as his family and who reciprocated this sentiment? (based on the importance of intent to keep the spell going)

Wow, @ana-lyz, just like with the veil and death asks, I just started drafting a post about Lily's blood protections and what Dumbledore says about them. So...

Lily's Love Protection and Dumbledore's Blood Wards

Alright, strap in...

Okay, so let's start by seeing what we're told about the blood protections and whether we can gather something cohesive that makes magical sense out of it.

We have Voldemort's statement on this piece of magic:

“...I wanted Harry Potter’s blood. I wanted the blood of the one who had stripped me of power thirteen years ago . . . for the lingering protection his mother once gave him would then reside in my veins too. . . . “But how to get at Harry Potter? For he has been better protected than I think even he knows, protected in ways devised by Dumbledore long ago, when it fell to him to arrange the boy’s future. Dumbledore invoked an ancient magic, to ensure the boy’s protection as long as he is in his relations’ care. Not even I can touch him there. . . .

(GoF, 657)

Notice there is the lingering protection from Lily's magic and the ancient magic Dumbledore invoked. These are, I believe separate spells.

Dumbledore's statements:

“But why couldn’t Quirrell touch me?” “Your mother died to save you. If there is one thing Voldemort cannot understand, it is love. He didn’t realize that love as powerful as your mother’s for you leaves its own mark. Not a scar, no visible sign…to have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever. It is in your very skin. Quirrell, full of hatred, greed, and ambition, sharing his soul with Voldemort, could not touch you for this reason. It was agony to touch a person marked by something so good.”

(PS, 215)

“But I knew too where Voldemort was weak. And so I made my decision. You would be protected by an ancient magic of which he knows, which he despises, and which he has always, therefore, underestimated — to his cost. I am speaking, of course, of the fact that your mother died to save you. She gave you a lingering protection he never expected, a protection that flows in your veins to this day. I put my trust, therefore, in your mother’s blood. I delivered you to her sister, her only remaining relative.” “She doesn’t love me,” said Harry at once. “She doesn’t give a damn —” “But she took you,” Dumbledore cut across him. “She may have taken you grudgingly, furiously, unwillingly, bitterly, yet still she took you, and in doing so, she sealed the charm I placed upon you. Your mother’s sacrifice made the bond of blood the strongest shield I could give you.” “I still don’t —” “While you can still call home the place where your mother’s blood dwells, there you cannot be touched or harmed by Voldemort. He shed her blood, but it lives on in you and her sister. Her blood became your refuge. You need return there only once a year, but as long as you can still call it home, there he cannot hurt you. Your aunt knows this. I explained what I had done in the letter I left, with you, on her doorstep. She knows that allowing you houseroom may well have kept you alive for the past fifteen years.”

(OotP, 835-836)

Here again, Dumbledore mentions the ancient magic he made the decision to protect Harry with as a separate thing from the lingering protection from Lily.

And (as per this post) the Dumbledore Harry hallucinates statement:

“He took my blood.” said Harry. “Precisely!” said Dumbledore. “He took your blood and rebuilt his living body with it! Your blood in his veins, Harry, Lily’s protection inside both of you! He tethered you to life while he lives!”

(DH, 598)

And then we have what happened to Quirrell:

Quirrell raised his hand to perform a deadly curse, but Harry, by instinct, reached up and grabbed Quirrell’s face — “AAAARGH!” Quirrell rolled off him, his face blistering, too, and then Harry knew: Quirrell couldn’t touch his bare skin, not without suffering terrible pain — his only chance was to keep hold of Quirrell, keep him in enough pain to stop him from doing a curse. Harry jumped to his feet, caught Quirrell by the arm, and hung on as tight as he could. Quirrell screamed and tried to throw Harry off — the pain in Harry’s head was building — he couldn’t see — he could only hear Quirrell’s terrible shrieks and Voldemort’s yells of, “KILL HIM! KILL HIM!”

(PS, 212)

What we know from this

Well, from the above quotes we can divide the magical protections on Harry into 2 different spells as I mentioned above:

Lily's sacrificial love protection - the intention magic Lily cast by protecting her son. This is the magic that blocked the Killing Curse and killed Quirrell.

Dumbledore's blood ward - this is the spell Dumbledore cast that (supposedly) protects Harry in his relatives' home. Voldemort says Dumbledore invoked this magic, and Dumbledore also mentions it's a ward he left that built upon Lily's protection, but it's not a spell Lily left.

So, what can Lil'y Sacrificial Love Protection do:

Makes the Killing Curse not kill Harry.

Returns the Killing Curse back to the sender.

Continues to hurt that initial "sender" whenever he tries to kill Harry.

What about Dumbledore's Blood Wards what do they do:

Nothing.

Dumbledore and Voldemort say this magic exists but it never does anything. We never see it active, it never protects Harry from anyone, neither his relatives nor Death Eaters. So, we don't know what it's supposed to be doing since it doesn't do anything in the books.

Voldemort says it won't allow him to touch Harry in his relatives' house.

How I think these spells actually work

I'll start with Dumbledore's Blood Wards:

I simply don't think this ward actually exists.

Dumbledore isn't very consistent with how this protection works. He says Harry needs to return for a bit to live with Petunia for the magic to work, but if that's all the requirement, why long weeks? Couldn't he return for a shorter time? And each year he spends a different amount of time at Private Drive? Couldn't he always be sent back just for the minimal required time? At first, the ward was about love but then it isn't, he says this: "While you can still call home the place where your mother’s blood dwells, there you cannot be touched or harmed by Voldemort."

Harry didn't think of Private Drive as a home:

Harry could hardly believe it when he realized that he’d already been at Hogwarts two months. The castle felt more like home than Privet Drive ever had.

(PS, 123)

“I believe he had several reasons, though he confided none of them to Professor Dippet,” said Dumbledore. “Firstly, and very importantly, Voldemort was, I believe, more attached to this school than he has ever been to a person. Hogwarts was where he had been happiest; the first and only place he had felt at home.” Harry felt slightly uncomfortable at these words, for this was exactly how he felt about Hogwarts too.

(HBP, 431)

Harry never considered Private Drive and the Dursleys his home. Hogwarts was his first home.

If there is no love and it isn't a home, even if Dumbledore did cast a blood ward based on Petunia and Lily's sacrifice it won't actually be active. But personally, I don't think this ward actually exists.

Dumbledore needs a reason to keep Harry with his relatives.

Dumbledore needs Harry malleable, low on self-esteem, and lacking in a support network. Because he knew since October 1981 (but probably before) that he'd likely need Harry to die. He suspected Harry was a Horcrux from practically day 1:

Under a tuft of jetblack hair over his forehead they could see a curiously shaped cut, like a bolt of lightning. “Is that where —?” whispered Professor McGonagall. “Yes,” said Dumbledore. “He’ll have that scar forever.” “Couldn’t you do something about it, Dumbledore?” “Even if I could, I wouldn’t. Scars can come in handy...

(PS, 13-14)

And being raised by the Dursleys ensured that when the time came, when Dumbledore needed Harry to die to destroy Voldemort, Harry would be willing. Because Harry would not put much worth in his own life. Because of that, I think it's not outside the realm of possibility Dumbledore would lie about this ward to have an excuse to keep sending Harry to the Dursleys.

(Sure, Dumbledore would've preferred not to kill Harry if it could be avoided, but he had been preparing for the situation since October 1981)

It's not like he did anything to better their treatment of Harry until book 6, when he needed Harry to start trusting him more...

And like I mentioned above, even if the ward was there, it would not be active because Private Drive was never a home for Harry. And after year 4, when Voldemort took his blood, any protection from any blood-related magic would be moot. Because Voldemort would not be counted as a threat by the ward.

So Dumbledore sending Harry back to the Dursleys after he knew the wards he left (if they were there at all) were gone, proves to me Harry's placement at the Dursleys was never about the wards to begin with. Because if the blood wards are gone, literally anywhere else around wizards who could protect Harry would be safer than at the Dursleys, even when thinking of Death Eaters and Voldemort as the only threat. If they came to find Harry at Private Drive, nothing would've stopped them (except Harry himself).

I could guess wards like this, if they actually were active, would have been an extension of Lily's protection and stopped Voldemrot from being able to enter the Dursleys' residence. From what's said, it seems this ward seems to target Voldemrot specifically, and no one else. But, as I mentioned, I don't think it's really there.

Lil'y Sacrificial Love Protection:

I mentioned in the past how intention and emotion mean a lot for magic in the HP universe. Lily, a witch who we are told repeatedly was powerful, intelligent, and talented, could very well cast a powerful protection out of her love and intention to protect her son. That is 100% possible with what we see magic is capable of and how magic seems to work.

That being said, the fact this never happened before suggests to me Lily did something different than just having a very strong wish for her son to survive. Dumbledore says it's because she had a choice, and in a way it is, but not because Voldemort gave her the option not to die, but because she chose to die instead of Harry.

I'll try to explain it, bear with me.

“Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!” “Stand aside, you silly girl. . . stand aside now.” “Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead—” “This is my last warning—” “Not Harry! Please . . . have mercy. . . have mercy. . . . Not Harry! Not Harry! Please—I’ll do anything—” “Stand aside. Stand aside, girl!”

(DH, 297)

This is the "spell" Lily casts — the incantation. This is her wish moments before her death: "Not Harry, kill me instead," that's what she says, that's her promise, that's her wish, that's the magic.

Lily's protection only works on Voldemort because her spell essentially made a bargain with Voldemort (that he didn't agree to). that he'd kill her instead of Harry. Once he killed Lily, he couldn't kill Harry because that was the protection she left him, and Voldemort won't be able to kill him because she died in his stead.

That's why we don't see the same thing happen after James dies to buy Lily and Harry time, why when others die to protect someone they aren't protected from the killing curse. What Lily did is a combination of a few extraordinary circumstances coming together:

She's an incredibly powerful witch (shown by her childhood magic that was very controlled and advanced (not unlike Tom Riddle) and Slughorn's boasting)

She loved Harry dearly. Loved him enough to power an accidental spell.

Chose and intended to die instead of her son. She had intent when making her plea, intent required for any spell.

So what essentially happened is that Lily created a situation where Voldemort physically can't kill Harry because Lily died in his stead. If, for example, Quirrell touched Harry without intending to kill him (like he did when they shook hands in Diagon Alley or when he pulled Harry to stand in front of the mirror) the protection won't activate. All it does is stop Voldemort from killing Harry because he already killed Lily in Harry's stead.

So, Voldemort, as I mentioned in the past, wants to kill Harry, this is his only ambition in the 2nd war. So he takes Harry's blood into himself so the protection won't work anymore. And we see it doesn't in the woods when Voldemort casts the killing curse and it doesn't rebound back on him (which would've happened otherwise).

This love protection from Lily doesn't require anything to stay active. It was cast because Voldemort killed her and Harry doesn't need to do anything to keep it active. Staying with the Dursleys wasn't for the sake of Lily's spell but for Dumbledore's ward.

As for Lily's spell not protecting Hary from anything else, like I mentioned, the bargain was that Voldemort would kill her instead of Harry, it would only protect Harry from being killed by Voldemort. If Voldemort just asked a random Death Eater to kill Harry it still wouldn't have worked, but that won't be because of Lily's love magic, but because of Harry pretty much always being the Master of Death.

Basically, Voldemort was doomed because he had no chance of killing Harry. Ever.

But what about when Harry died in book 7 and said he cast the same sacrificial love?

Well, I don't think Harry cast the same sacrificial love. His feelings and intentions were completely different. In his case, I think he just took the mastership of the Elder Wand so it wasn't performing as well for Voldemort afterward.

Conclusions

There are actually two different and distinct spells referred to by the characters when it comes to the protections Lily left for Harry.

The first is Lily's Sacrificial Love Spell which worked like a bargain. She pleaded with Voldemort to kill her instead of Harry and after he killed her, he could no longer kill Harry because he was protected.

Voldemort taking Harry's blood does indeed circumvent this spell and allows him to kill Harry in the woods (if temporarily).

The second is the Blood Ward Dumbledore talks about that is supposedly placed on the Dursleys' home. This spell was invoked by Dumbledore and is not part of Lily's spell.

It's supposed to build on and strengthen Lily's protection from what's implied.

this second spell would've stopped its activity the moment Harry stopped considering number 4, Private Drive his home (which happened quite young, as he doesn't remember ever considering it a home)

Personally, I don't think this blood ward ever existed, but even if it did, it was moot from the get-go and never done anything.

Voldemort taking Harry's blood in year 4, circumvented this ward too.

Basically, Dumbledore kept Harry at the Durselys less because of the wards and more because it suited him to ensure Harry would become the martyr he needed him to be (something I should write a full post about eventually).

#harry potter #hp #asks #ana-lyz #harry james potter #lily potter #harry potter meta #hp meta #hollowedtheory #albus dumbledore #lily evans

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bonefall · 7 months

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So I decided to read through Bramblestar's leader ceremony from the original Ultimate Guide today- and I had a thought: have you chosen what cats give him his lives in Better Bones already? Granted, I'm sure you'll gut some of the canon placements for not knowing him in life (Lionheart) or being alive by the time he becomes leader (Goldenflower, Ferncloud, Mousefur) but Bluestar imparting clear judgement is a fun virtue considering his actions are anything but. Plus, Jayfeather could always gripe about it when he argues with Bramblestar. 'Wow Bramblestar, you sure displayed clear judgement when you asked me to let Sunrise BLEED OUT IN CAMP!'

I hadn't picked yet actually! I also haven't read his leader ceremony in aaaages. I never really liked it, felt full of TPB fanservice and didn't really say a lot about Bramblestar as a leader.

(But tbf that is probably because the writers have no idea what they're doing with him. He's generically noble and they have a double standard against female characters, so they just use his man pain to make the girls in his life feel wretched without examining WHY having defiant women in his life bruises his ego so easily)

But anyway, I don't have a FINALIZED thing yet, but here's a rough draft. It's a total overhaul. A big difference in BB and Canon is that Bramblestar is leader BEFORE the reveal, and long before the Battle of the True Eclipse. So all of these picks have to be from Po3 and before.

(BB context: Firestar was killed offscreen during the Fire Scene in an assassination, Ashfur took advantage of the situation to attack the Three. It was an arson set by Whiskernose and carried out by Thornclaw, Breezepelt, and possibly Harespring. Ashfur is still on the run, suspected of killing Firestar to hurt Squilf because he failed to hurt her kits)

(also if you want FULL full context go look at BB!Hollyleaf's character summary)

Gorseclaw -- Righteousness. His progenitor ancestor who set history into motion by betraying his siblings during Ripplestar's Rot, and whose curse continues down through the generations. He tells him he's proud. He SEES how much he's struggled. He's had to make hard choices that everyone else thought would be easy, and he understands. But he's done the right thing... and he tells him to keep doing it. Bramble briefly feels hot with shame-- did he really have so many ancestors in the Dark Forest that he had to hear from someone so ancient? Tigerstar, Pinestar, Oakstar... this life unsettles him and sets the tone for the rest of the ceremony

Snowcarve (Snowkit) -- Opportunity. The last time Brambleclaw saw his little uncle, he was carried off by a hawk after shoving one of them out of the way. He stands as a proud, starry adult before him: the age he would have been. He "speaks" through unfamiliar glyphs that form beside his head, and Brambleclaw knows somehow that this is the writing that he had been working on before his death. Snowcarve commands that he watch for that which he would have missed, to listen to those who are different and have new ideas, for opportunity is silent and tender. If your mind and heart are closed to what could have been, you will miss your chance and never know what you could have had. Brambleclaw tries to bring up that he's sorry he didn't save him-- Snowcarve taps his ear and shakes his head, giving him a stern glare. The words say, "you did not need forgiveness. It was my choice and I have never regretted it." In fact, he can wave his tail and welcome the next life;

Yellowfang -- Judgement. She asks him, "Would you ever blame a kitten for what someone else did?" Bramble is confused, "Of course not?" "Then stop blaming yourself for what others have done for you. I ran back into that fire to save my herbs and leeches. I put myself there, and Firestar knew that. Stop confusing blame for experience, guilt is not wisdom, pain is not good judgement."

Feathertail -- Kindness. A little bit of understanding goes a long way. When you get wrapped up in your anger, or your fear, slow down and consider the feelings and intentions of others. You'll find that most people are good. (He accepts the life but stops himself from arguing with her-- ok, sure, but what about everyone who isn't? He has a bit of a thought spiral wondering if the wise cat he'd travelled with had changed or if she was ever wise at all)

(Idk which elder is dying in Po3 yet, if it's Frostfur or Mousefur, but one of them gives a life) -- Confidence. There was a time where their own judgement lapsed, and they pinned their anger on him. They apologize for it, and tell him that this life is for living in spite of that. The strength to mind that you can't control what other people think of you, and the firmness to commit to what he believes is right.

Brackenfur -- Negotiation. To remember that every action sends a message, to understand that you must remain calm and make the right concessions to accomplish greater things. Don't let emotions like anger, offense, and spite cause you to ruin something you may have worked hard to build. (Brambleclaw is by the halfway point totally missing the point that these cats are trying to teach him nuance and mindfulness, and mostly feels betrayed and confused. He knows most of these things... and did the elder not just tell him to have confidence in himself in spite of people who hate him?)

Speckletail -- Courage. When everyone runs away, you run TOWARDS. People will rely on you now, and StarClan will give you the power to protect them. No storm, no beast, and no tyrant will find its way through you. When he takes the life he feels the rage and FEAR she did when she ran towards the bulldozer, the pride in her power as she attacked the human, and learns that Thornclaw was wrong when he told them she looked satisfied on the way down. After kicking him out she was terrified, but overwhelmed by relief and LOVE that her grandson was safe. It makes him collapse, and as he gets back up he's in tears, asking "i thought this was a life for courage, you were afraid!!" And Speckletail puffs her chest up proudly, "Courage is being terrified and doing it anyway."

Swiftpaw -- Acceptance. He has no warrior name. He has no adult form. When Brambleclaw asks him for his title, he simply says, "I give you this life to know when to accept what you cannot change, and the wisdom to see what you can't control." Brambleclaw can't help himself, this ceremony has been a horrible experience, "what a terrible life!" Swiftpaw dips his head solemnly, "yet without it, what a terrible death." But Swiftpaw also reminds him, this is not a part of his life that he cannot change. He can move on with only eight lives, and he will understand. But Brambleclaw says no, "I have a clan to protect. This is one of the things I can't control." He is surprised by how soothing the life is when he gets it though. He doesn't feel any of Swiftpaw's pain as he died. It's not about that. It's the quiet embrace of the void, the shouting as the patrol finds him and Brightpaw, falling away into silence, accepting that he is dying, and that it's okay to let go.

Firestar -- Trust. It HAS to come at the end.

Firestar opens up by asking Brambleclaw what's wrong, seeing how exhausted he is. He responds, his voice trembling, "I hoped it would be reassuring, but I feel more lost and powerless than ever. How can I be responsible for so many people? How will I protect them all? I will be blamed for everything that goes wrong and never know if I made the right choice!" Firestar goes hm, genuinely and sympthetically, "Those are very heavy and legitimate doubts for a new leader to have. I felt the same things when I was in your paws. He waves his tail, "So, I will give you the value that it took me many years to learn, something you were not given and so feel you cannot give. With this life I give you TRUST. You will face many trials in the near future, Brambleclaw. Your truth will crumble. Secrets will be revealed, friends will turn out to be foes, those you think are enemies may be allies, but you must not lose the ability to find the good in all of them. Remember that trust is a choice and an honor. Apply it wisely, but bestow it generously."

Bitterly, but with what dignity he can have in this situation, Bramblestar murmurs sadly, "So there will be betrayal, but I must still trust? I had hoped that you, of all ancestors, would not speak in riddles"

Though the world is blurring and the spirits of StarClan are fading away, he catches something pained and complex in Firestar's expression. Like he has so much to say, doesn't have the exact words to express it, and he's running out of time to find them.

"There were no riddles," he shouts already sounding far away, "Listen to what we have told you and you will find the way!"

(Basically he's shouting "WE WERE VERY STRAIGHTFORWARD ACTUALLY!!!")

We wouldn't get to see this happen in Cruel Season though, since it would be offscreen and not important to the plot of that book. I'd rather get it into Bramblestar's Thorns, which is about Alderheart, Sparkpelt, and the ways that they've been impacted by him as a toxic father.

The ceremony is written to highlight his major flaws. Especially the way that he's bursting with doubt, pain, and immediately tends to make things about himself without realizing. Bramblestar is a very unhappy person, and he often extends that misery to other people.

he's a tragedy to me, man. All these people turning out to tell him that love and faith exists for him and he can't even see it.

Anyway, bonus, some other thoughts for possible lives; (still possible some of these guys get swapped out)

Lionheart, his uncle, who died before he was born. He'd give a good life for wisdom but I think these others are a lot stronger.

Birchface, one of his Tigerkin ancestors in StarClan. Decided against him in favor of Gorseclaw; I think Gorse's both more interesting AND his distance is a good point of doubt for Bramble. They had to go back 4 generations to find a direct ancestor who isn't damned to hell. Birch would have just waffled about admitting mistakes anyway, still too fearful to admit that he is responsible for getting Frecklewish and Oakstar damned.

Bluestar, a leader who contributed to the death of his brother and mistrusted him when he was young... but honestly I feel she is kinda irrelevant. He didn't know her well.

Elderberry, one of his apprenticehood friends and the twin of Ferncloud/older sister of Ashfur. It could be cool for her to give a life of mercy and ask him to be rational about Ashfur's crimes (starclan won't say outright that Ashfur didn't do it because they're not entirely sure he was uninvolved until after his death in a few chapters, Dark Forest influence hiding the assassins), but it's actually a lot more important that StarClan is trying to warn him about the LEADER he will be and fatal flaws he will display for arcs and arcs, not waste a life on teasing the plot of a single book.

Cinderpelt, his cousin who died tragically. There's no reincarnation thing so she could be here to give a life, but I think the current list is a lot stronger.

Lynxkit, his oldest sister. Strongly considered her for acceptance but I think Swiftpaw's WAAAY stronger and I don't need both of them.

#better bones au #BB!Bramblestar #Bramblestar's Thorns #Leader Life Ceremony #tw death #tw animal death #what else should I tag this with? I know Swift's life could be triggering #Also say hello to Snowcarve lmao #I think my favorite/funniest overhauls are when I go in the EXACT opposite direction as the wider fanon #Sweet cute snow? nay. Snowcarve would have been an english teacher

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jamespottersmixtape · 5 months

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rosekiller microfic: goldilocks 1,632 words

a bit of soft rosekiller!! this is inspired by @myrows rosekiller art which you can find here! it made me want to weep a little when I first saw it, so naturally I had to write something haha :) ngl this has been sitting in my drafts for a while and it's by no means perfect but enjoy!! <3

Barty has always cherished quiet nights at Hogwarts.

When the chatter in the halls finally dies down enough for his thoughts to come back to him and homework has been carelessly tossed aside to save for tomorrow.

There’s a sense of serenity to it all that Barty rarely finds elsewhere. A break that he craves most at the end of a particularly stressful day.

Sixth year courses have been—to put it lightly, beating his ass—no matter how well he does. Today, it had taken him ten tries to get the nonverbal spell to work in Transfiguration. Ten.

Usually Barty needs no more than six tries for complicated spells, less than that for complex potions. Disregarding that he still did it faster than over half the class, now he’s just fucking tired.

He groans and shoves his schoolbag off the bed, letting it hit the floor with a soft thud, then flops backwards dramatically onto his pillows. The dorm room is dim, save for a few small candles on his bedside table. Cloaked in various shadows that dance around the room from the flickering flame.

Barty closes his eyes, taking a spare second to just breathe. There’s the soft white noise of the shower running in the background—Evan is taking forever, as usual—and sometimes Barty imagines he can hear the push and pull of the black lake against their walls. Lack of windows be damned.

It isn’t long before the water shuts off, and Barty feels the smallest smile tug at the corners of his mouth. It’s just the two of them for now, Regulus off doing god knows what at this hour. So naturally, a lot of built up restraint is needed for Barty not to rip open the bathroom door. To go and take in the sight of a freshly showered Evan and gather him in his arms before he can be stopped.

He’s been in there for less than thirty minutes but fuck it, Barty misses him.

Grumbling, he goes to change into the first clothes he can find. Settling for some years old joggers and a loose tank top, the soft fabric already making him drowsy.

The bathroom door creaks open and his head snaps up, immediately catching Evan’s eye. Barty really can’t help it when his heart skips a beat.

Evan raises his eyebrows, chuckling when Barty takes no subtlety in checking him out. His hair is dry, most likely done by magic. A thin blue t-shirt hangs off his shorter frame and each step taken towards Barty casts golden shadows over his skin.

Looking like everything warm and comfortable; the smell of his shampoo in the air so familiar that it hurts.

Barty’s smirk is wicked when he tugs Evan by his shirt into a light kiss. He makes a startled noise but melts into Barty’s touch regardless, fingers cupping his chin. The kiss is short but effective in making Barty’s head go all fuzzy.

“What happened to hello?” Evan asks when they pull apart—though not very far—now standing chest to chest. Evan’s bare feet fit in between his socked ones.

Barty makes sure to slather his words in extra charm, grinning. “Hello, gorgeous.”

“Wow, smooth talker,” Evan deadpans.

“You know you love it, Goldilocks.”

Barty takes a blonde strand between two fingers, tugging lightly at the end and earning him a deep scowl.

“I told you that nickname is stupid.” Evan rolls his eyes but Barty catches the blush high on his cheekbones. A light dusting of pinks and reds that work to compliment his freckles. Barty pokes him on one cheek.

“And I told you I don’t care.”

“Brat.”

Barty hums noncommittally, threading their fingers together. Warmth settles in his chest from the steady weight of Evan’s hand.

He leads Evan past the emerald green curtains of his bed and down onto the soft mattress. It’s a routine they’ve created over the last few months, and every time Barty wraps the covers around them it becomes harder and harder to let Evan slip back into his own bed. Something about having him in his arms means a night free of restless tossing and turning.

They lie facing each other for a few minutes, minimal space between them and their heads resting on one pillow. Quiet voices and even quieter laughs, a sacred bubble that neither of them dare to pop.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Barty laughs, his voice barely above a whisper. “You told Cresswell what?”

Evan frowns, a crease forming between his eyebrows. “I told him…that if he feels the need to keep staring at you in class then maybe I should tape his fucking eyes open. You know, that way he wouldn’t miss it when I inevitably snog you right in front of him.”

“Evan!” Barty can’t help it, his laugh is loud when it bursts from his chest.

“Well, maybe I left out that last bit…”

It takes him a minute before his laughter dies down, the quiet settling back in. “You jealous?” Barty teases, raising an eyebrow.

Evan purses his lips. “No.”

Barty stares at him knowingly.

Silence.

Evan averts his eyes.

“Mhm sure, come here.”

He drags Evan in by his waist, the pair of them fumbling around until Evan’s head relaxes in the crook of Barty’s neck and his forearm rests over his chest. Their sides pressed together, Barty smiles—fully content now.

Wordlessly, Barty ghosts his hand over the warm skin, relishing in the way Evan shivers from the cold metal of the ring on his middle finger.

There’s silence for a few minutes. Evan’s hair brushes the side of his face and his warm breath fans across his chest, their hearts only slightly out of sync as they beat so close together.

It’s a lot for Barty to take in sometimes—the whole idea of them. Having someone so delicate, yet so utterly untouchable, be his. If anyone took the time to ask him, though, he wouldn’t change it for the world.

Barty knows Evan’s eyes are closed, can see the shadow of his eyelashes. He takes the opportunity to trace over his freckles; a messy constellation that follows the high points of his cheeks, crosses sporadically over the bridge of his nose.

Evan scrunches his face up, which should not be so endearing. “That tickles.”

Barty turns his head, placing the quickest of kisses atop of Evan’s forehead, debating whether or not he should just give in and lick the side of his face. Then ultimately deciding against it—Evan did just take a shower—he’ll be nice for once.

“I wasn’t jealous. I don’t get jealous,” Evan mumbles, his voice lulled and tired sounding.

“Of course not, Ev.” Barty resists rolling his eyes, Evan can’t see his face anyway.

“Besides,” Barty continues, “If you were jealous, I don’t mind you threatening people for me…it’s kinda hot.”

Evan smacks him lightly across the chest, but snuggles deeper against his shoulder. Which definitely does not do a weird flippy thing to Barty’s stomach. Nope, not at all.

“Mm okay,” Evan yawns. Which, Barty can’t blame him. Exhaustion is slowly taking over his body the longer they lie here. At this point all he wants to do is blow out the candles and fall asleep. Keep Evan next to him the whole night.

“Hey Goldilocks.”

“Mhm…” Evan must be too tired to even rebuke the nickname.

“Reg is going to freak out if he finds you here in my bed.”

Evan huffs, not very different from a petulant child. He makes no move to get up or even open his eyes. “I don’t care.”

This time Barty can’t hold back his yawn. He shuts his eyes and allows his body to sink further into the bed. Further into Evan. “Maybe we can tell Potter how madly in love with him Reg is. Then they can finally leave us alone.”

“Payback,” Evan snorts.

They both fall asleep without really meaning to. Tangled limbs beneath the covers and hands that aren’t inclined to let go. As his mind quiets down, something in Barty feels settled. A puzzle piece slotting into place after searching and searching for the edge that matches. Evan tends to have that effect on him, he’s come to notice.

All is quiet for a while, the whole school in a coinciding state of slumber. A time when portraits snore softly and only ghosts roam the halls, the usual lively presence of magic at bay for now.

But not even thirty minutes later they’re awoken with a loud thud and a significantly darker room—Barty had blown the candles out after all—just in case.

“Lumos,” someone whispers.

Regulus stands at the end of Barty’s bed, hands on his hips and a look of annoyance on his face. His wand is now lit and shining far too bright for Barty’s liking.

“What the fuck, Reg?” he asks groggily. Evan groans beside him and tries to hide his face.

“Not my fault I tripped over your fucking books, Barty,” Regulus hisses. “And you guys are gross. You said no PDA in the dorm.”

Barty squints and gestures for him to lower his wand. Regulus does so slowly. “Yeah, well I’m a fucking liar. Let us sleep.”

It’s with a lot of grumbling and a sharp glare that Regulus turns and stalks to his side of the room. When he shuts himself in the bathroom Barty reaches for his own wand and spells his curtains closed.

He has Evan back in his arms in no time, steady and real and here. Absolutely not going anywhere, if Barty has a say in it. His fingers resume their path over his arm, tracing nonsensical shapes that neither can decipher. Before they both drift off again a thought pops into Barty’s head.

“We are definitely getting him back for this.”

#ahhhh another microfic i missed them #this is silly and self indulgent but i love them sm #so soft i'm kinda dying #shoutout to evan's freckles for being the sole inspo #and myro's lovely lovely art ofc #rosekiller #rosekiller microfic #barty crouch jr #evan rosier #barty x evan #evan x barty #rat's silly microfics

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mvskedxrtist · 5 months

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Such a Bad Laozu

Wᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: PwP, Mommy Kink, Creampie, Slight Overstimulation, Choking, Slight Bondage

Nᴏᴛᴇ: I have lots of drafts saved up that I'm writing and waiting to post for you guys. I'm also adding one last fandom if you noticed my main masterlist. So, my planning, you'll see later but for now enjoy this small request

Lan!AFAB!Reader x Wei Wuxian - Such a Bad Laozu

Wei Wuxian... The Yilling Patriarch, the Yilling Laozu, demon spawn, Baba, Wei Ying, Ridiculous, many bad things.

Lan Y/N... The older Pearl of Gusu, Top three fighters, Mama, Ice Queen, the Gusu Princess, many good things.

Two completely opposite people, yet everyone saw them together most of the time during Gusu Lectures. No one knew of how Wei Wuxian was able to befriend the ice queen, not even her brothers knew... Well except Lan Xichen, but she made him promise that he didn't tell their little brother. And he's kept that promise, even to this day of how Wei Wuxian was in Mo Xuanyu's body. Lan Y/N could instantly tell it was her beloved. He wasn't able to fool her that easily.

So when Lan Wangji brought Wei Wuxian to Gusu those first few nights, you decided to have Wei Ying sleep in your palace because it made more sense then have him room with your brother. Mo Xuanyu was known for being gay so wouldn't him rooming with a woman be the best way so he's behaved? Everyone in Gusu thought so, especially Wei Wuxian.

"Wei Wuxian! The fact that you now come back here after all these years and yet decided to hide from me is shameful!" You yelled at him and pushed him onto your mat while the male looked flustered and chuckled softly. "Y/N..I know I shouldn't have."

"Oh that's definitely an understatement, Mr. Lazou. For leaving me alone these past 13 years, you will take all of my brunt." You smirked as you pulled his robes off. He looked a bit excited from your sudden change of attitude but he should of expected it. He left you alone for 13 years, he would definitely be pent up as well after finding out that his loved one was alive.

You used your Lan forehead ribbon and tied Wei Wuxian's hands up with it tight as you were on top of him. "Wow Mommy~... You better hope your brothers don't try to come in..." He teased you a bit while watching you take your robes off, getting back on top of him and wrapping your hand around his neck. "They won't. Xichen definitely won't and he'll make sure Wangji doesn't either. Now shut it."

The next few hours that went by were spent by you and Wei Wuxian fucking each other senseless like bunnies in heat, loud moans coming from the both of them. He couldn't really tell what time it was or how long they were going, he just knew that being with his pearl was amazing. "Fuck yes, Mommy~" He groaned while you were bouncing up and down his cock for probably the nth time. Squelching sounds could be heard from their hips connecting together, one look in your eyes told Wei Ying everything. He's gonna be exhausted when the sun rises.

And exhausted he was, he didn't even knew that Y/N had this much stamina until she made him cum inside of her ass for the fifth time. He could feel himself get sleepy, there probably only was a few hours left until it was time to get up yet you still wanted more from him. "Cmon, one last time, Wei Ying.." You panted softly while increasing your speed, moaning from how deep he went in you.

"B-but Mommy~ I don't think I can..~" He whined under his breath, tears in his eyes because of pleasure before you pulled his hair a bit, grabbing the ponytail. "But I know you can, baby~ Unless you're being a bad Laozu and refusing?.."

#top reader #my writing #smut #mvsked.writing #fem reader #femdxm #top fem reader #mdzs smut #mxtx mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #wei ying #yilling patriarch #yilling laozu #wei wuxian x reader #wei ying x reader

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softxsuki · 1 year

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So I saw that you had I tag I follow and immediately rushed over! So first and foremost...How are you? Are you drinking water daily? And I also wish you a good rest of days.

I was wondering since I rarely see this for Akatsuki no Yona. Like a Chubby reader. That's all. Like didn't they exist back then too?...

So basically Reader was Yona's personal maid, one of her most trusted friends like Hak and Soowon. So now they are apart of the group and basically feel out of place. She has a crush on Jae-ha but knowing he only goes for "attractive" women she doesn't act upon her feelings.

What happens next? 👀

Insecure Chubby!Reader Who Has A Crush On Jae-Ha

Pairing: Jae-ha x Chubby!Fem!Reader

Warnings: uh talking down about yourself, insecurities, lowkey suggestive at one point? but nothing crazy

Genre: comfort, fluff

Post-Type: Oneshot

Word Count: 2.2k

Summary: In which you confess to Yona that you have a crush on Jae-ha, but he'd never like you back because you're chubby and he only goes for thin women. Little do you know that someone is listening in on all this o.o

[A/N: OMg hi...I KNOW I KNOW. It's been way over a year since you requested it. If you're still around, you're probably wondering what the heck this is as it's been long forgotten. I'm sorry it took me so long to write, I had it half written in my drafts all this time because I started second guessing myself and I really loved this request and didn't think I could do it justice. SO here's my completed version of this. I hope it's decent, and hopefully you're still interesting in reading it :'). Sorry if it's disappointing NFEKJFKAEF <;3]

It was night now. Months had passed since Yona ran out of her castle after her father's murder. Hak had saved the both of you from Soowoon’s revenge on her father as you would not back down and go to their side either. Yona loved and respected you, so you owed her everything, and that still hadn’t changed. You still refer to her as Princess, just like Hak, but the two of you were closer than ever–going beyond the friendship a personal maid and a Princess should probably ever have.

Owls hooted in the background and the sound of crickets surrounded you. You had all stopped for the night to set up camp, and were currently in your shared tent with Yona and Yoon. The young boy was fast asleep in the far corner of the tent, exhausted from running around all day, but you and Yona were wide awake from the excitement of the day–too pumped to even think about sleeping just yet. Giggles escaped your mouth at the girl-talk that was being exchanged between you both, then Yona began to blush as you asked her about her feelings for Hak. You had noticed the change in the atmosphere between them for a while now.

“He’s just…different from how I used to see him? Instead of just seeing him as that annoying kid back then, he’s more of a man in my eyes now… He said some uh, lovely things to me the other night and it just made me realize my feelings even more,” She hides her head in her hands, thinking back on the deep conversation she had with the raven haired man a few nights ago, but clears her throat and turns the attention away from herself, “What about you, Y/N? Seen anyone in any villages that have caught your eye? Or perhaps even someone among us, hmm?”

You could hear the slight tease in her voice at her question, she fully knew who you liked, but wanted to hear you say it yourself. After all, what fun is girl-talk if she was the only one dropping juicy information.

“Well…there is someone I like, but he’d never go for a girl like me…” you trail off, looking down at your hands.

“Jae-ha would love you, Y/N. You’re gorgeous, kind, and you have a heart of gold, I see the way he looks at you whenever your back is turned.”

“W-what? How did you know it was Jae-ha?” You ask bewildered.

Yona laughs, placing a hand on your shoulder, “So it really is him? I was just making a lucky guess, wow.”

You huff. Perhaps it was a little obvious since you always got nervous around him and ONLY him. The slight disappointment that graced your features whenever he spoke of a beautiful woman he ran into in town. The tiny sparks of desire to have him speak to you with those lovely words, but it would never happen.

“He was probably just wondering why I can’t be so open with him like I am with everyone else,” You sigh. “I know I don’t belong here. You’re gorgeous and way above my social status. The other guys in our group are all very attractive as well, I’m the only one who sticks out like a sore thumb, but I guess I just have to deal with it!”

You fake a smile, regretting a little that you opened up too much.

“Y/N, is that really how you’ve been feeling this whole time?” Yona asks, her voice now softer at your confession.

“It’s alright, really. I’m used to it by now, I don’t know why I suddenly decided to say that all right now. Everything’s okay!”

“No, everything’s not okay. Y/N, you are the most beautiful person I know. I don’t care if you think your extra weight makes you ugly compared to the rest of us, that doesn’t make a difference in my eyes and Jae-ha would be a fool to have that be a difference to him as well! Tell him how you feel! He would treat you like royalty.” Yona explains, a little enraged that you’ve been feeling this way all this time without her realizing it, “And I know we come from different backgrounds, but out here, we’re all the same. You and I are on the same level. You’re my best friend, and that won’t ever change! You are one of us, part of the happy hungry bunch! It wouldn’t be the same without you.”

“Thank you, Princess Yona. You’ve been a great blessing to me and I’m so very grateful to be your friend,” You smile slightly, but it falls again when you think of Jae-ha. “It seems that Jae-ha only goes for thin, beautiful women though. I can’t imagine him directing those compliments to me when I’m the complete opposite of all those women…I- I guess I just wish he could see me as a beautiful woman despite my weight. Even if it was only for a second.”

Yona once again assures you that you are indeed beautiful and that nothing is wrong with you. She was a little lost for words on what else she could say to help you feel better, she just wished you could see yourself the way that she saw you–a beautiful woman, inside and out.

“If I’m so beautiful, then why won’t he look at me the way I want him to?” You shout in frustration, a little too loudly.

Your conversation is cut short though as the sound of shuffling is heard from outside the tent, along with the distant murmuring of the rest of the boys who were still awake, engaged in small talk.

“Will you both shut your mouths? I’m trying to sleep here. Y/N stop being a wimp and just confess to him already. You’ll never know until you at least try!” Yoon groans out with a huff, before light snores escape his mouth once again.

“He’s right,” Yona whispers now, not wanting to awaken the tempered boy again, “But I guess this can all wait for another day. Let’s sleep, it’s getting pretty late.”

You both yawn at the same time and laugh lightly to yourselves. Perhaps it could wait…

Sleep consumes Yona pretty quickly, but your mind is plagued with a million thoughts that keep you up all night. It would be a tough day tomorrow.

…

The next day, your journey together continues as you finish packing up the last of your camp and continue forward.

Yona and Hak had run up ahead of everyone else in the early morning to get in some more arrow shooting practice while the rest of you moved to catch up at a decent pace. You lagged behind a bit, lost in thought of everything you spoke about last night.

“Careful, wouldn’t want to run into a tree and ruin your beautiful face, now would we?” The sudden voice of the man you were thinking of, startles you back to reality along with the gentle touch of his arms around your shoulder, guiding you around a tree that you were seconds from walking straight into.

But all you could think about now was the presence of his warmth on your shoulder along with a word you had always longed to hear addressed to you–beautiful.

“Huh?” You ask a little frazzled, trying to control your breathing from his still present arms around you.

“You almost ran into the tree back there,” He smiles, now removing his arms from around your shoulders and awkwardly scratching the back of his head.

You both were now lagging behind the group who had finally joined back up with Yona and Hak. Yona sends you a quick thumbs up from afar, mouthing a ‘good luck,’ with a wink.

“Thank you,” you mumble to Jae-ha, ignoring Yona’s cheekiness, and continuing to walk to the rest of the group with your eyes glued to the ground. You couldn’t do it, you couldn’t tell him.

You hear the man sigh behind you before firm arms pick you up bridal-style, and jump into the air as you let out a yelp, instinctively wrapping your arms around his neck and hiding your face into his chest from being so high up. You were surprised that he was even able to lift you, but I guess all the dragons were fairly strong.

Your heart was hammering in your chest–both from the sudden action of being in the air, but also from being in close proximity to your crush. You could hear his own heart hammering in his chest, probably from having the fatigue of jumping while carrying something heavy (at least that’s what you think, his heart is definitely pounding for other reasons).

You can hear the distant joyful hollering of Yona and Zeno from afar, praising the green-headed man for his bold actions, to which Jae-ha chuckles at. It isn’t long until you’re safe on the ground again, far enough from the group now to have some privacy together. Jae-ha sets you down as you timidly scoot away from him and sit on the grass, trying to calm yourself down.

“What’d you do that for?” You ask hesitantly.

“A little bird told me that you’ve been talking down on yourself, is that true?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you avoid his eyes. You physically couldn’t look him in the eyes, you were far too embarrassed. Where had he heard that from?

He takes a seat beside you, gently reaching for a strand of your hair and admiring it as he twists it between his fingers. You’re frozen in shock. What was going on?

His hand abandons your hair and gently grabs your chin to face him as his other hand wraps around your waist.

“And I’d love to know where you heard that I wasn’t completely infatuated by your beauty,” he teases.

Your eyes widen in shock.

“In fact, I love every inch of you, from the plumpness of your thighs to the softness of your stomach, your magnificent chest, and your puffy cheeks. You’re absolutely enchanting– a diamond among stones,” he continues.

“Your eyes, they outshine the beauty of any other woman in this land, you know why? Because they belong to you. I don’t care how big you think you are, but never talk like that about yourself again.” There was a certain sternness behind his voice now, as if he was really serious and hurt that you would think so badly of yourself.

“How did you-”

“I heard everything last night, Y/N. You have no idea how much self-control it took for me to not just burst into that tent and tell you everything right then and there. But I’m here now, and I can’t move forward until you know how much I love you. You’re beautiful and I won’t have you think otherwise.”

You were beyond baffled.

“All this out of nowhere? You’re always off fawning over all the beauties in town, but never at me. You’re just saying this to make me feel better, right? Well, it’s okay. I do like you, Jae-ha, but I don’t need your pity. You don’t need to like me back, I’ll be o-”

You’re cut off by the feeling of Jae-ha’s lips on yours. You can feel the emotion behind them as he was almost desperate to show you how real his feelings for you were. You lean into him, wrapping your own arms around him now, fully into the steamy kiss.

He pulls aways with a pant, “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” he laughs. “I hope you believe me now.”

“And to answer your question, I didn’t want to scare you off. I know how bold I can be, and a part of me loved watching you from afar, loving, admiring you in secret. It was exhilarating trying not to get caught,” he confesses.

Yona’s words from that night echo in your head of how she had seen him watching you a few times. He really did like you…

“I’m surprised you never caught my wandering eyes. We need to work on you being more aware of your surroundings, darling. What if it was some other man gawking at you, and not me? Not that I’d let that happen…but still.” There he goes again with his teasing.

You playfully hit him on the shoulder, hiding your face in the crook of his neck, “Shut up,” you mumble, very embarrassed by all his words. You still couldn’t believe it, it was like all your dreams became a reality over-night.

Was this a dream? Because if it was, you never wanted to wake up. You cuddle further into him, hiding the heat that was quickly rushing to your face. You were overwhelmed, but in a good way. His own arms slither around you in a tight embrace.

“This is real right? You’re not just saying all this?”

“Of course this is all real, darling. And I’ll keep saying it all until you believe it. You’re under my care now,” He whispers that last part and leaves a peck to the top of your head.

“I’ll take good care of you,” he confirms again, making sure you know it.

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 1/24/2023

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shitshowsims · 2 months

Text

willow creek thriftea

welcome to thriftea's newest location, courtyard lane in willow creek! a separate bubble tea shop and thrift store services the families local to this area with the addition of private office rentals on the second floor! residents travis scott, alice lewis, iggy pancakes, and edison sutherland currently occupy most of the offices with their various hobbies, but there conveniently is one office left for rent. contact the leasing office for more information

cc free!

download under the cut

wow, long time no see! i've had this drafted for the longest time, and i'm not really sure why i never posted it. looking back, my decorating style has changed a lot since i built this (probably over a year ago now). i'll leave this up for download but might upload an updated version when i've made more progress on the save file. anyway, i'm going to shift focus to build posts on this blog. i simply cannot keep up with a family long enough to document it. so, you know, i guess i'm back!

download (simfileshare, always free)

#sims 4 #simblr #ts4 #show us your builds #sims 4 build #ts4 build #shitshow builds #shitshow.save

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newhologram · 1 year

Note

"wow im sowwy i have such low spoons i couldn't possibly put an image ID in my post, can someone else do it for me uwu"

just admit you don't give two shits about people who use screen readers. you wrote up a whole ass text post with an image but your energy magically stops when it's time to be inclusive? lmao no. if you can't spare the energy to add an ID to that then don't post it at all you fucking cunt. and you don't get to act like it's a massive fucking burden on you that you have to shove off to someone else. actually vile behaviour from someone who's literally complaining about ableism. i hate this shit ass community

^ So this is actually ableism. ^ Lots of very nasty ableist projecting here which is disappointing but quite common on this site.

Chronic pain, fatigue, and brain fog are a thing. Limitations are a thing. My pain and meds wrecking my cognitive function, my symptoms demanding I take a break so I don’t go into the red and puke are a thing. My very nerve pain from using my hands is literally why I had to give up so many things, and why I can’t edit or type that much in a given day. It’s called disability for a reason.

(I queue most posts after chipping away at them. Only some posts are spontaneous.)

This is why we even use the concept of spoons. If I need to stop and save spoons to drive an hour to my doctor appt, or even just save them to cook a meal later, then I HAVE to do that. And I’d rather post something and ask for assistance from others who feel up to it than have a post keep sitting in my drafts for months and months. I have 2 year old posts I just can’t get my brain working for.

You’re so close with “energy magically disappeared”—so close. Bc that’s actually how disability and chronic illness is. Moment to moment we don’t know how we’re going to feel or when we’ll need to take a break.

It’s so funny bc the reason my backlog has gotten so much bigger over the past 3 years is bc I take so long to subtitle clips and write ID’s.

I’m not mad at you, but boundary-wise, it isn’t okay for you to take out your frustration with the community on me just bc I’m an easy and accessible target to anon rage at. I would recommend talking about this stuff in your journal or with a trusted friend or mental health professional before running off to say mean things you may later feel bad about.

Thank you to those who have always helped to ID things without judgment or projection. It seriously means so much bc I’ve got a lot on my plate with my health and home and job rn. I’m grateful for your kindness and for you seeing me as human and not just a content creation machine. I’m glad to be part of a community that understands that it’s okay to ask for help and to help each other. I’m glad we don’t have this unhealthy mindset of “I MUST do it myself or I’m a bad person.”

🙏🏻💙🥄♿️✨

#ableism #internalized ableism #disability #chronic illness #spoonie #ask #anonymous #competing access needs

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manestjerne · 1 month

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Let me save you pt. VI

Juice Ortiz x female

Word count: 6.7k

Warnings: blood, bad language, violence, mentions of sex(?), angst

A/N: Hi guys! Sorry for such a long break, I had this in my drafts for some time, but couldn't get myself to post it, but I'm back now and I'll try to be more consistent 🫶🏻

Walking to the kitchen alone in the morning was a really bad decision. The place was a complete mess and so many things I never wanted to see flashed before my eyes. Passing a few people I really wanted to stop and make sure they’re still alive, but gladly I just walked pass by the disgusting scene, making sure I won’t put my foot in anything on the floor, either people or weird, unrecognized substances. Too early to eat anything as always I just poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down by the kitchen table, praying no one walks in. I haven’t talked with anybody besides Juice about yesterdays situation and I wasn’t sure if they approved what I did. Gemma is probably proud. Looking at the shelves filled with instant food packages I realized I used to do much worse things. Yeah, but you were home. Your place. It’s not my place anymore, but it was back then. I don’t think I have my place now, but it’s definitely not here. Showing up at night looking like I was hit by a truck and then showing some attitude to a girl who’s from here was probably not the best option. Was it? I locked my eyes on a canned chicken soup and my stomach turned upside down. That’s disgusting.

- Hey - I flinched when Bobby pulled me out of my thoughts

- You’re up early.

It’s not early, but looking at how many people were still passed out it was surprising to see someone alive.

- Decided to give my liver a rest yesterday - he replied calmly pouring himself a cup of fresh coffee and sitting next to me - What about you?

- My liver deserved a rest years ago, I’m too old for that kind of parties - I said jokingly to keep the conversation as far from the shattered glasses as I could

- I don’t know how he did that, but Chibs told us you’re not letting things like that slide easily.

Shit, my brilliant plan didn’t work.

- Look, I don’t want to sound like a toddler, but she started. I’m not here to cause any drama.

- Actually - he looked down trying to hide his smile - I’m sure some people there were glad somebody finally did that.

- What do you mean? - he tried to lock his eyes with mine but I kept looking at the chicken soup in the corner

- See, Ima is the CaraCara girl. Not many are fond of her, but she’s making good money with Layla, and there’s actually no reason to get rid of her, a pornstar being annoying and slutty is not that much of a deal when you think about it. I work at the studio as an accountant so I spend quite a lot of time with the girls, maybe I don’t know them that well, but you know…

- Deep inside she’s just a lost, lovely girl? - I asked with a little sarcasm when I saw him struggling to finish the sentence, but he bursted out laughing

- No, she’s really just an annoying slut, I don’t know where I was going there.

I finally left the soup and looked at him laughing, felt a smile forming on my face.

- Just don’t blame yourself, you sat here looking like you had a moral hangover.

- I don’t actually blame myself, but feels like I needed someone else to say that, thanks Bobby.

He replied with a warm smile.

- I should go and finish the party for good now, see you later.

I sat there for a minute after he left. It’s kinda sad people approach me when I’m just sitting alone, my resting face must be extremely depressed. I slowly got up from the chair and dragged my feet back to the bedroom. When I walked into the room Juice just got out of the bathroom. I looked at the single cup of coffee in my hand. Lovely.

- And that’s… for you - I smiled and handed him the cup which he accepted with his hand still wet from the shower

- Oh wow, so lovely, you went there just to get me a coffee and didn’t even think about yourself? - he took a sip and handed me the cup back with a smile

- I’m sorry, I don’t know why I did that.

He would bring me a coffee.

- Who were you talking to? - he asked calmly but I felt shivers anyway

- No one.

Why would I lie? What’s the point? He turned back to me and laughed politely to ensure me he’s not mad, but curious.

- You were sitting there for so long alone? Come on, I just want to know if you’re getting along with anybody - he still smiled softly putting on his shirt

- Oh, excuse me? - I laughed forgetting about how uncomfortable I just was - I was talking with Bobby, but just so you know, I get along with a lot of people here. Like Lyla, she’s great. And Chibs. And Tig. Oh, and Opie, yeah, Opie’s cool. And… And Chucky!

- Okay, alright - he wrapped his arms around me to stop me from thinking of more names - I’m glad you’re feeling good here.

- Yeah, about feeling good, it’s great here, but can we go home?

- Sure - he said not letting me go

- I believe you have to let me go so I can grab my stuff and get in the car.

- Oh Christ, sorry I was even touching you princess. Want me to carry you so your shoes don’t get too dirty? - he responded handing me my bag

How is he smiling all the time? That’s probably the thing I love about him the most, but that’s also something to think about. On our way to the car we stopped at the bar. Bobby sitting on the stool with his face hidden in his hands was looking pretty pathetic. But not so pathetic as all the people still lying in different, sometimes weird places.

- How was your finishing the party? - I asked putting my hand on his shoulder, he patted it lightly

- Just as you can see. You know what? - he looked at our bags - I’m going home too, Clay should handle this, I’m not responsible for other charters, am I?

- You should go - Juice said firmly, exactly as he needed, Bobby immediately got up and walked us to the car

- I believe todays vote will be postponed for tomorrow - he said before Juice sat behind the wheel - use your day off well.

Looking at me he smiled once again and next seconds Juice was starting the engine.

- Gross - I said jokingly

- What do you mean?

- That thing about your “day off”. Use it well. On me? Come on.

- That’s not what he meant - he sounded serious, but a smile was still fully visible on his face

- Then what did he mean?

- He definitely meant my bike, I should work on it - he now laughed out loud - by the way, you saw it?

I moved my head and looked out through the window.

- Saw what?

- My bike.

- Yeah, I see it pretty much everyday, it’s hard to not see it when you live with a biker. It’s nice, even lovely I’d say.

- I don’t mean that one.

I kept looking through the window acting like I don’t know about the other one hidden in the garage. He shouldn’t be mad, I definitely didn’t break anything, but maybe he doesn’t know I’ve touched it, why should I tell him myself?

- You have more than one bike? That’s so cool - I smiled to myself and felt him staring at the back of my head

- Y/n, you know I won’t be mad.

- Mad? About what? - I realized he can see my face in the reflection on the glass so I immediately stopped smiling and looked at him.

- Just wanted to tell that you did well - he smiled at my reaction - must’ve taken you a few hours, huh?

- I’m sorry, but it’s pretty boring to be alone and not at home, I was looking for anything to do. And when did you even have time to see that I’ve touched it? I left all the tools exactly where they were before, you have like a dairy or what? - I laughed and realized we were pulling into the driveway

- Sometimes when I can’t sleep and think too much I go there trying to relax, so you don’t know I did that probably because you were sleeping.

- You know - I stopped because he rushed to open the door for me right after he parked - you know you can talk to me? I’m probably better at that stuff than your secret bike.

- I’m not schizophrenic or anything, I do all the talking in my head so it won’t be weird.

I just gave him a meaningful look and followed him inside.

- I’m worried about tomorrow - I said after settling on the couch

- What’s tomorrow? Your first day at work? - my blank stare must’ve said everything because he continued without my answer - Why? You did all that nursing stuff before, didn’t you?

- No, I’ve actually never done that, that’s why they hired me. What’s wrong with you today? - I took a sip of my tea waiting for his response wondering if I’m not too harsh, but he laughed as softly as always

- I think I’m just tired.

- Tired of bitches hitting up on you all night?

- Alright, from what I can remember there was only one bitch hitting up on me yesterday.

- And I really hope you mean Ima - I laughed

I was pretty shocked I got over it so fast and didn’t overthink what happened last night.

- Well, you definitely don’t need to beg me for attention so I definitely didn’t mean you.

Is this about the “I love you” thing? I really don’t want to talk about this now.

- Good to hear that - I smiled and run to another topic immediately - so do we have a free evening today or you want to go check in at the club?

- Remember what Bobby said? - he asked playfully

- Oh come on, I’m serious now.

- Yeah, me too. How about a movie night?

- How about a walk?

Looking at his face I could see my question put him off guard.

- What? - I laughed at the silence

- Where do you want to go? - his tone became more firm and calm

- I don’t know, aren’t there any parks here? - I laughed and grabbed his thigh gently - Juice, if you don’t want to we don’t have to do that, I just asked. But I’d still like to know what’s so terrible about walks.

I tried to stop smiling but the fact that he looked terrified by the idea of taking a walk was pretty hilarious.

- No, I’m sorry, of course we can go for a walk, it’s just that I prefer spending my free time at home - he smoothed out the pillow not even looking at me

- Are you really afraid something might happen? - I asked moving other pillows out of his reach when he tried to grab another one

- l just, you know - I don’t, keep talking - well, many people know me here - he finally got the courage to look at me and his sad puppy eyes literally made me want to cry

- I’m sorry, but what’s wrong with people knowing who you are? - I truly didn’t understand what he meant and asking was the best option since I wasn’t scared of being embarrassed anymore

- I’m sorry, I just want you to be safe and I know that there are only two places I can be sure about you not getting hurt, here and at the clubhouse. I know it sounds out of line, but some people want to hurt us and they know their best ways to do that.

-So the best way to hurt you would be hurting me, huh? - I tried to comfort him and did the literal opposite, but still got a little smile from him

-I know how it sounds, really. Especially when I told you I’m just a member of a club, but-

-Yeah, I know it’s not just a club, I’m not that stupid - this time comforting him went a little better and he finally took his hand off the perfectly flattened pillow to grab my hand

-You’re really important to me, and however unrealistic this sounds, I need to protect you at all costs right now. It’s not always going to be like that, but we got ourselves into some trouble lately.

-Is it about the drugs? The club trying to leave is just not going as Jax planned?

Maybe I shouldn’t say that, but on the other hand it might help him to open and talk to me. I already knew more than he thought, why wouldn’t he just talk to me about it now? The silence between us was pretty loud and his concerned face made me want to laugh, but I tried to keep a straight face to show him I’m serious.

-What do you mean „the drugs”?

-Oh come on, you really want to play that game? - his question annoyed me a little, even tho I did the same thing all the time

-How do you even know about that? - he wasn’t angry, more stressed and worried, his hands landing on the pillow again

-Okay, are you going to answer my question or we don’t have anything to talk about?

-Yes, it’s about drugs. Leaving the business isn’t as easy as we thought, and Clay is not cooperating with Jax. Except this whole shit with drugs we have a lot going on inside our charter. It looks like nothing is going to be better unless these two work their shit out, and I don’t think it’s going to happen anytime soon - he opened even a little more than I expected, but I was so glad he finally did that - that’s why I’m worried about you and about what might happen.

-Thank you for being honest with me, I really appreciate that - I gently took the pillow from him and replaced it with my hands - I know you can’t talk a lot about the club stuff, but you can still talk about your feelings, that’s not pathetic, I cried in front of you so many times, come on.

I tried to lighten him up and believed it worked, since he gave me a bright smile.

-Okay, I’ll try, but for now is it enough? - he chuckled

-Well, I accept that, but I’ll demand more honesty in the future if you want to spend it with me.

I looked down, his hands, always steady, now shaking a little, not matching his cheerful smile. His eyes dark, I could even say full of joy. Hiding his emotions started getting harder, or maybe I was better at reading it.

-You have no idea how much I want that - he smiled so adorably I almost fell for it, but another look at his hands worried me again

Using how close we were to each other I sat on his laps and let him hide his face in my neck. His hands immediately started wandering around my back and when they found the spot he pulled me closer. I tried to sink in the moment, when he suddenly threw me off his knees, my back landing on the soft couch I was trapped by his body. It was so gentle, yet so fast that I froze under him.

-The fuck was that? - I asked completely confused

-I just wanted to see your reaction, but that little scream was so cute - wide smile wasn’t leaving his face, he looked amused by my consternation - are you ticklish?

-Juan, don’t try that, get off me - I said firmly trying not to laugh

-I promise I’ll start talking about my feelings, I just need some time - he said not moving

-Okay, okay, I trust you but let me go - I was now laughing with him

He slowly got up letting me do the same thing. I got closer to his face, putting my hands around his neck and just looked him in the eyes. Juice immediately shortened the distance by kissing me, licking my lip I opened my mouth to let him in when the doorbell interrupted us. He slowly pulled back and rested his forehead on mine and I just started laughing. Like a damn movie.

-Stay here - he got up and dragged his feet towards the door unlocking it slowly

-Hey Juicy - I heard Chibs so I made my way to the door, not wanting him to take my boyfriend away from me again

My who?

-Hi Chibs, perfect timing, what’s up?

-The vote’s tomorrow at 6 - he smiled softly to greet me

-And that’s why you came all the way here? - I asked amused by Juice’s reaction

-Well, maybe if he’d pick up his damn phone I wouldn’t have to do that - he stepped through the door and closed it - that vote might take a little longer, I talked to the guys from north and they are not giving up so easily, just so you know - he gave Juice a serious look - am I interrupting you?

-No, we were just going to my old place to get some stuff, since you have so much free time you can come with us to help - I smiled at him and then saw Juice’s face - we talked about it yesterday…

-Oh yeah, we did, I’m sorry - he brightened up immediately

-Actually I don’t have anything better to do, you want me to call Tig?

-That would be nice - I said before Juice even opened his mouth - Juice, you have any empty boxes in your garage?

-Yeah, there are some.

-So I’ll call Tiggy and you kids go find some boxes so we can go - Chibs smiled at us once again and went through the door

-Juice - I said with a straight face - did you mute your phone to „use your time well” with me? - I tried not to smile

-Of course not - he laughed and started walking towards the garage - I must’ve did that by accident.

-You’re a bad liar, really.

-I think that’s good - he pinned me to the wall and kissed me softly - will we finish that later?

-Oh god, stop - I laughed and walked under his hand to free myself - let’s get the boxes, how many do you have?

-And how many do you want? You have much stuff there? - he started going through the empty boxes and throwing the bigger ones in my direction

-Well, should I get all of it? Will you get me a place when I can store them? - I asked while folding the boxes and putting them aside

-Can’t you just unpack here? Why would you keep your things in the boxes?

I kept my eyes on the flatted pile I just made.

-You want me to stay here for good? I know you for like a month, I can’t just move in.

-So you’re just living here temporarily, huh? - he also wasn’t looking at me but I saw him smiling

-Well, if that’s what you mean then I can tell you I was looking for some houses for sale here.

He threw a last one at me and came closer.

-I mean that I want you to feel like at home here. You don’t have to move out, I have plenty of free space, there’s even a free bedroom upstairs if you don’t want to share the bed anymore.

-Don’t you think it’s a little bit early to live together? We’re not even a couple or anything - I tried not to look at him but he made it impossible

-Aren’t we? - he took the boxes I just folded and went outside - I want you to stay here - he yelled while putting them in the trunk

-Tig will wait at the clubhouse for us, I believe you want to switch the car for a bigger one if we’re taking all of your shit here - Chibs said when I met them at the driveway

-Yeah, sure - I sat on the passenger sit and waited for Juice to join me

We drove to Lodi in silence, but I saw him looking at me from time to time, smile not leaving his face. I was really happy about what he said, but didn’t want to show him that i really care about that. Acting casual wasn’t my best skill, but I both didn’t want to scare him or just ruin what we already had, so I chose to ignore my feelings for now. When we pulled up Juice parked the truck right in front of the door and guys left their bikes a little closer to the street. When we entered the building my hands were empty, nobody let me carry anything so I just led them upstairs and unlocked the door.

-So there’s no elevator here, huh? - Tig asked when i was fighting with my shaky hands to put the key in

-Yeah, you’ll have to carry all the boxes alone, or you can let me help you - I said opening the door and letting them in

-You’re not carrying anything, just focus on the packing - Chibs said letting me go in front of him - stop whining Tiggy.

But I wasn’t listening to him, what I saw made me freeze where I was standing. Should’ve cleaned that up before leaving. Blood drops on the floor, marking the paths where I was walking before I cleaned myself up. Bloody tissues on the table and now also on the floor, bathroom sink still covered in blood, perfectly visible since I left the door open.

-That’s quite a lot of blood for such a small person - Tig said and put the boxes down - but we’ve seen worse, don’t worry, where should we start?

We’ve seen worse? That’s it? Wow.

-You can get all the stuff from here and the kitchen, I’ll go get the bathroom and bedroom - I said and quietly left with a few boxes in my hands

I never liked packing, but today it was different. I never wanted to see that apartment again, it was so nice and I loved it with all my heart, but now it was hard to feel safe here. Glad that nobody interrupted me I just focused on packing when I heard someone knocking on the door. I went to check what’s going on, but seeing the three of them froze, just staring at the door made me laugh.

-Are we expecting any guests? - Chibs asked when I entered the room

-Why don’t you just check who that is? - I said a little bit more annoyed than I meant to

I walked toward the door and saw all of them reaching their belts, pretty sure what they had there.

-That’s fucking pathetic - I said looking at their reaction and slowly opened the door

-I thought you’re not going to open, like you’re mad that I just left you, oh wait, you can’t be mad, because you’re the one who left me - Nat laughed and walked pass me not waiting for an invitation to come inside - oh hello gentleman - she put her bag on the table

-Guys, that’s Nat, Nat this is Tig and Chibs, I think you remember Juice - I smiled looking at their reaction

-Of course I remember, hi everyone - she started going through her bag looking for something

-Tig, don’t even try - I said when I saw him walking her way - you’re all being rude right now - I laughed when they just kept looking at her not saying anything and got a quiet “hi Nat” from all three as a response

-But she’s not going to kill us, right? - Chibs joked looking around at the bloody mess - she’s not the one I guess?

-Sadly I left all my white weapons at home, so you have advantage over me - she moved her head up and looked at his belt - oh I found it, you’re going for a smoke? - she put her lighter in the pocket and looked at me

-Sure - I responded quickly and followed her to the balcony - how did you even know I’m here? You’re stalking me or what? - I laughed as soon as the door closed behind us

-I was just walking by and saw two bikes in front of the building, who else could it be? - she sat on the bench and kept looking at me with her weird, cute smile

-Why are you looking at me like that? - I laughed - it’s been a week, not like I’ve abandoned you or anything

-Are you okay? I’m sorry, but your explanations over texts weren’t really convincing - she patted the spot besides her

-I had some mess to clean up lately - I said sitting down

-Yeah, pretty cute mess - she looked through the window at guys packing my stuff - you live with them?

-They don’t live together - I laughed loudly at her question - I’m staying at Juice’s for now, I’m not sure what to do next.

-He rescued you and let you move in after knowing you for a month? What a hero - I knew it was not fully sarcastic, even tho she tried to sound like it - he loves you or what?

-He actually told me he does - I responded not looking at her

-Are you shitting me right now? You love him too? Girl what happened to your independent, 'I don’t need any man', lifestyle. I thought you’re just going to fuck him - she shook her head in fake disbelief trying not to laugh

-I actually don’t know, I didn’t say anything.

-Okay, you really have to be kidding me - she laughed now

-Oh shut up, do you want to help me pack since you’re here?

About an hour later a stack of heavy boxes filled with all my stuff was standing near the door. Tig and Chibs went to the bus to pack the first ones and I sat on the couch to clear things out with Nat.

-You’re not mad at me, are you? - I asked watching as Juice went to the kitchen and leaned back on the counter

-Why would I be? - she laughed - because you left me in this shitty town with my shitty job? Come on y/n, I always cheered you up, I’m really glad you got the job you wanted so bad.

-The job is one thing, it I still moved away not even telling you straight away, I feel kinda bad about it - and what I said was honest, I knew it was my life and I was the only person who should decide about it, but the demons from my past or whatever we’re still chasing me and I felt like I needed permission for everything

-Sweetheart - she looked at me with her lovely eyes, and leaned in to make sure I can hear every word she says - are you fucking kidding me? It’s your life and you have to be god damn happy, don’t worry about other people so much, we’ve already been there and I thought you understood it’s a bad idea.

We both laughed and I picked my bag from the floor when the guys came back upstairs.

-Okay, let’s go - I grabbed a box and headed to the door

-I don’t think so - Chibs took it from me and placed it back down on the floor - ten minutes and everything should be handled, you should spare your wrists.

Nat joined me and watched all the of them carrying the boxes downstairs.

-What’s your schedule next weekend? - I asked when they disappeared behind the last wall

-Not sure yet, why? Want me to come visit your big town? - she laughed and threw her bag over her shoulder

-Yeah, you should come by, I’ll probably be alone for a while - she smiled at me and slowly walked through the door

-We’ll keep in touch - she blowed me a kiss - bye, love ya.

-When are you planning to start unpacking? - Juice was leaning on the kitchen counter and looking at the boxes besides the door

I walked up to the fridge and got myself a beer.

-Are they bothering you so much? - I stood next to him looking in the same direction

-I mean, not really, just wondering - he took a sip from his bottle

-Oh, you’re such a pedant - I smiled at him - I wanted to at least start today, but I don’t think I have enough energy for that, I’m sorry. This work thing is kind of stressing me out, like it’s my first day ever. I just want it to be over, then I’ll take care of other stuff, is that okay?

-Of course it’s okay - he looked at me as softly as always, I wondered what would I have to do to make him mad - I’ll help you whenever you’re ready.

I didn’t have a chance to answer, because his phone drown my quiet „thanks” out. After his short answers I could immediately recognize it was a call from the club. What else could it be? I was expecting that.

-I need you to come with me - he said firmly while putting his cell back in the pocket

-I can stay alone Juice, we’ve talked about it. I’ll be fine.

-No - he looked serious and worried at the same time - They need you at the clubhouse.

I wasn’t expecting that.

-Why? What happened? - I asked when he nervously started looking for the car keys

-Couldn’t tell me on the phone - he answered calmly, still not looking at me - so probably there’s someone to patch up.

-Okay - I said without hesitation and he finally looked at me

-You don’t have to get involved in the club shit, that’s my shit and I can get you out of it if you want. Just this one time if there really isn’t anyone else to help, we’ll figure this out, okay?

-Juice - now I was smiling softly - I’m fine with that, really. Our shit now.

We hurried through the door and it was surprisingly quiet inside, but everyone got up from their seats when we walked through the door.

-Kozik got hit, Tara’s out of town and we need someone to take care of him. Her bag is already there, just come with me - Jax grabbed my arm and pulled me slightly so | would follow him

I entered the chapel and heard multiple footsteps following me, but I couldn’t focus on that. A blonde man was laying on the massive wooden table. His bare chest was covered in blood, a hole in his upper arm made it pretty clear that he was shot. I froze, not at the fact that a man with probably a bullet in his body was casually laying on the table, a prospect next to him trying to stop the bleeding, but because I was the one to help him. I haven’t done anything like that in some time, had no idea where to start I started panicking quietly.

-Tell us how to help - Chips nudged me softly but firmly

-Did it went through? - I asked filled with fake hope

-Did it what? - the prospect holding a soaked cloth looked at me like I was a ghost

-How many holes are there? - I smiled sarcastically - Is the bullet still inside or did it went through? Let me see.

Chibs helped raising Kozik’s arm up and of course the bullet was still inside

-I’m not a damn neuro or ortho to deal with such stuff smoothly - I said looking through Tara’s bag and trying to focus.

-You don’t have to get him perfectly fine, we can cut that arm off if you’ll say that’s the best option.

-Shut up Tig, that’s not funny anymore - said Jax

I looked up and saw him sitting on a chair in the corner of the room, sipping on his beer like nothing was happening.

I came back to the table and took a closer look at the wound.

-It’s not deep, you have to hold him still and I’ll take the bullet out - I wasn’t sure how to do that, I had to deal with worse things in the past, but every memory of it just vanished at instant - I’ll count to three.

The faster the better. I saw a bloody mess before digging my fingers into the hole. It was gross even through the gloves, I thought I can feel my legs shaking. Trying not to make more damage I wanted to focus but the screams made it impossible and I couldn’t find the right angle to take a grip on the bullet.

-Shut him the fuck up - I said calmly concentrating on where my fingers were going and suddenly I looked at my hand, hovered in blood, holding a shiny piece of metal

Glad that the worst part was already over I started to put stitches on, kinda surprised the bleeding almost stopped.

-I don’t think any arteries were damaged, he should be fine soon - I said to Jax who was sitting on a stool next to mine

-I really appreciate you came to help us, thank you - he said sadly, eyes locked on the countertop in front of him

-You’ve helped me enough, that’s the least I can do. If you ever need me again, don’t hesitate, I’ll gladly do it again - I said knowing it was bullshit, but he smiled slightly - I really have to go now, but I can check in tomorrow after work if you want me to.

-That would be great, thank you - he said and I left to find Juice - Are you coming with me? - I said when our eyes met

-Of course, let’s go - his eyes not as bright as always, smile almost fully fainted and I instantly knew he was just disappointed with me

Tara would’ve done it better, of course, but she’s not here. I’m not even a doctor, and he’s alive so overall I didn’t do such a bad job. I rested my head on the cold window as I sat down in the passengers seat. The sky was beautifully clear, you could count all the stars, a perfect night for a walk, but surely I should forget about that. I closed my eyes and waited for the car to stop so I could just go to bed and burry myself under the covers. When we pulled up I took my purse from the back seat and grabbed the door handle, but Juice was faster as always. He opened the door for me and gave me his gentle hand along with a polite smile. I rushed ahead of him and quickly changed into my pajamas before crawling into bed, but it wasn’t long before he joined me, putting his hand on m hip and kissing my shoulder. We laid in silence for what felt like hours and I couldnt get myself to sleep, move or even talk. I was completely frozen wandering what he was thinking about.

-I’m sorry - was all I mumbled after getting enough courage to open my mouth

-You’re not asleep? - he stopped rubbing my arm and sounded pretty shocked

-I really am, I know I should’ve done better, but I was just scared. I don’t know why, it’s not the circumstances, I just felt like I never did that before and it is fucking scary looking at the fact that im supposed to do such stuff everyday starting tomorrow. I think I’ve lost my damn spark, or whatever it was, I should just stayed behind the bar and do what I was good at. I don’t want that job anymore, I don’t want to do that and I’m scarred I’ll fuck someone's life soon, that’s clearly not for me.

He didn’t interrupt my monologue, just grabbed my shoulder and rolled me over so that I was facing him. Is he really fucking smiling right now?

-I know it sounds pathetic and I don’t just feel sorry for myself, I think I-

He interrupted me this time with a soft chuckle followed by a clearly sad face.

-I should apologize to you, I promised to keep my life away from you, but I didn’t really have a choice there. But you did great y/n, I don’t know what you’re talking about.

-My hands were shaking - I said seriously

-Have you ever taken a bullet out of a stranger’s arm? In a motorcycle clubhouse? Surrounded by a dozen of other bikers? - he smiled, but I knew it wasn’t honest

-No, but that’s not the point Juice - I heard my voice trembling, not aware of being at the edge of crying

-Oh don’t do that to me, I hate when you cry, especially when it's because of me, I promised not to do that anymore, remember? - his smile seemed more confident now and I almost fell for it

-It’s not because of you, I don’t want to do that anymore.

-Then don’t - he said calmly looking me in the eyes

-What do you mean, „don’t”?

-Well, just don’t work, be a house wife and let me support you - he got a quiet laugh from me

-I’m sorry I’m such a whiner sometimes.

-I’m sorry I got you into that - he looked at the clock - you should go to sleep now, it’s late.

I didn’t want to know what time it is and I was glad he stayed quiet, knowing how little sleep I’ll get before my first day wasn’t a good idea. I snuggled into his chest feeling relaxed and safe, as I should’ve from the beginning. Next time just talk to him, burying your emotions won’t help.

-Thank you, goodnight.

-Goodnight, I love you.

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