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annie115 · 21 days

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Hiiii

I was wondering if u could write a lando x wife!reader fic where reader is sick and everyone expects her to die so she makes a video to lando telling him how much she loves him and he should live his life after shes gone. But she doesn’t die and lando accidentally finds the video on her laptop and watches it. Reader finds him after hes watched it and he tells her he could never be with anyone else, a girl needs to feel wanted every now and then yknow. (no this is so not because I imagine the funerals of people who are alive and well no ma’am)

Thank you for your request! :) I will not write the whole story about them finding out about the diagnose simply because I don´t think I´m good at writing that, but I hope you like it anyways! :)

TW: mentions of death, mentions of cancer, angst and fluff

The last year has been tough. There was no doubt that it was a rollercoaster of emotions and you were sure that you could´ve never done it without the love of your life by your side, Lando.

The diagnose was a shock, of course. It was supposed to be a tiny little cyst in your left breast, nothing problematic. But during surgery the doctors noticed that it was a tumor, a malignant one and that it spreaded already.

The doctors told you that chemo wouldnt make much sense, since it spreaded too far already but you never gave up. You were determined to beat the cancer, not being ready to die at the age of twenty-something. Lando was by your side, all the time. He shaved his head when you had to shave it, he sat by your side when the nausea from the therapy hit you. After six months, you were alive and married Lando after he asked you to be his wife.

The doctors gave you 6 months, and although you believed that you could beat the cancer, you made a video for Lando. Just in case. You needed him to know how much you love him, how you would never want anybody else by your side but him. How you dreamed about creating a family with him. You needed to tell him that all of that would´ve been your dream but that he needed to be happy again, if you would have to go.

Luckily, you were right and Lando never had to watch the video. He never had to plan your funeral, never had to tell all your beloved ones that you lost the fight against this unfair disease. The chemo started working and after two hard years, you were free of cancer.

You celebrated that night like crazy. You invited all your friends, all of Lando´s friends and your family. You had to miss out on so many birthdays and other parties, you wanted to celebrate big time.

"Love, Andrea calls me all the time I have to call him back. I´ll be in my office for a while", Lando told you and you nodded, pressing a kiss against his lips. "Don´t be too long!" you said and he cupped your face. "I won´t, but we have all the time now, remember", he said and gave you another kiss before he headed to his office.

While he was speaking to his team chef on the phone, he fidgeted with the drawer of his desk, not being able to remember when was the last time he opened it. Without thinking about it, he opened it and his eyes fell on an envelope with his name written on it. He frowned, recognising your handwriting.

After hanging up the phone he opened the envelope and was surprised when he found a usb-stick inside. Curious, he sticked it into his laptop and opened the video which popped up. He gasped when he saw your face, looking in the camera with red and teary eyes.

"Lando. If you watch this video, we didn´t make it. We didn´t get the chance to beat the cancer and I had no choice but to leave you behind. I know that this is a hard time, probably the hardest time you will ever experience. But you will be okay. I know it. Lan, I love you so much. I always have and I always will and that´s why I want you to not be afraid to move on once the time comes. You´re the best that ever happened to me, but you know that I believe in destiny. You were the right one for me, but maybe I wasn´t right for you. Your future wife is still out there, somewhere. I know you don´t want to hear it right now, but I know it´s true. And the day will come, where you will now that I was right. I love you Lando and I´m sorry that I had to leave like that but I will never be truly gone. I will always be with you. I will live in your memories and in your heart. I love you."

Lando didn´t know how often he watched the video. He cried, sobbed, almost threw up, even though he knew that you were right outside, alive as ever. How could you think that he would ever be able to love someone the way he loved you? After a while, a soft knock on his door made him look up. You were standing in the doorframe, frowning. "What´s taking you so lon-", you asked but stopped when you saw him. You gasped and headed over to him, pulling him into a hug. "Lan, I´m so sorry you were never supposed to see this!" You said and closed the laptop.

"How can you say things like that?" he sobbed and you frowned again. "I could never love anybody the way I love you, y/n. Never." "Shh, Lando it doesn´t matter, really. I´m here. I´m right here and I´m not going anywhere."

"No, I want you to understand that even if you weren´t here, nobody could ever replace you. You´re the one I love, you´re the one I want. Fuck, you´re the one I need. I need you in my life, y/n", he said and sobbed again, pressing his head against your shoulder. You were glad that he finally was able to let out his emotions which he suppressed for such a long time. "I love you, I love you so much", you answered and let him cry because you know that anyone needed to cry once in a while. Maybe the video had his purpose after all.

#lando norris #lando norris x reader #lando norris imagine #lando norris angst #lando norris fluff

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micamicster · 7 months

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Hi! Do you have any romcom (movie) recs? I feel like i hypothetically like the genre, but have a lot of trouble finding ones i enjoy. So many romcoms feel so formulaic (in a dead way) and misogynistic and stale to me. I think they’re a lot easier to do well in the context of a series because there’s actually time to build. Recently i thought rye lane and fire island were fun. I like kdramas when i have the time for all the episodes because i appreciate the build. I need chemistry— people who both convincingly like each other and seem like actual human beings. I thought you might have some good ideas! Thanks <3

HELLO LARGE VOICED ANON <3

I hope you weren't waiting on my recs all day haha i have been. hm. hungover af <3 (i'm going to leave kdramas off this list for now but if you would like specific recs for kdrama romcoms send me another ask and i can try to do them justice!)

I think this is a genre with underrated range! So one thing that I find very interesting about the genre of romcoms is that I think there tends to be a split between romcoms whose goal is, like, to be a fun lighthearted movie with a central romance, vs romcoms whose goal is to Say Something About Love in the vehicle of a funny movie. Both of these categories are represented on this list but for giggles i will not be saying which i think are which <3

anyway recs under the cut <3 i will link my tags for these movies if you want to take a look but be warned for spoilers ofc

I think for your purposes my primary rec would be Lovesick (aka Scrotal Recall). It's a (short) tv show so it would likely give you the chance to get to know the characters and see a slower build. In contrast to the frustration you've had with some more "formulaic" romcoms the writing in this show is very deliberately in conversation with romcoms of the past. Also it's just one of my favorite romcoms ever made so I rec it to everyone. The premise is that a young man, Dylan, is diagnosed with chlamydia and instructed to tell his past partners. Being a hopeless romantic (emphasis on hopeless), he decides to try to turn this into an opportunity to revisit relationships that didn't work out, and try to figure out where he's been going wrong. Two simultaneous storylines play out in each episode, the flashbacks to the exes (and breakups) and the present, where Dylan's best friend is getting married.

Older romcoms: When Harry Met Sally (ive heard this is divisive? but idc its SO funny and so well made), Moonstruck (a romantic-comedy in the operatic sense. also cher <3), The Philadelphia Story (katharine hepburn the woman u r. tw for a classic 1940s gag about punching ur wife in the face), Bringing Up Baby (screwball comedy my beloved), Roman Holiday (audrey hepburn is lethally charming in this movie), Dirty Dancing (someday ill write something this good and then You Will Realize), Much Ado About Nothing (i tend to enjoy either the danielle brooks shakespeare in the park version or the classic tennant/tate combo)

Teen romcoms: 10 things I hate about you (young heath ledger and young julia stiles ur welcome), to all the boys i;ve loved before (lana condor is ADORABLE), The Half of It (my other favorite sort-of romcom of the decade)

More recent-ish: Speed (like its keanu and sandra what more do you want), Strictly Ballroom (i used to watch this literally weekly as a child and I WAS RIGHT TO), Miss Congeniality (sandra bullock what u did for us all <3), Fire Island (thank u 4 my LYFE), The sandra bullock/channing tatum movie that came out last year (i forget what its called but he's so funny in it), Mamma Mia AND Mamma Mia Here We Go Again (beautiful greek islands, abba, cher, what more can you ask for?)

Indian/bollywood: Jab We Met (after dramatically quitting his job, Local Man somehow ends up escorting a woman he meets on the train while she attempts to elope with her boyfriend. aka classic screwball comedy heroine and Guy She Dragged Along For The Ride), khabie khushi khabi gham (multiple generations of romance and family drama featuring Kajol, the Most Beautiful Woman In the World), Band Baaja Baaraat (two wedding planners fall in love--great choice if you want to watch idiots ambushed by their feelings)

Other tv recs: Selfie (john cho and karen gillian in a show canceled far too soon)

#hi anon thanks for the ask! there is a wide range on this list but im sure other people have their own recs too <#I absolutely second fire island as being excellent its one of my fave romcoms of the last decade for sure!#Haven't watched rye lane yet but it looks fun too #also the fast and the furious. who said that?#also this is a depressingly white list sorry about that. maybe i should have put kdramas on here but i didn't do a lot of tv?#oh well its too late now #feel free to ask me about kdramas if you want! happy to talk about them too!

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thediamondarcher · 8 months

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are you silly??

also what do u think tori and michael will be like once they get old like

i fr wanna know the thought on this what'll their lives be like at like.. 60

i can be either the most silly or the most serious and philosophical, it depends on the situation

they'll probably live together (not married ofc) and just enjoy life ig (let's hope for them to be mentally healthy at this point and diagnosed because they really need to know they're neurodivergent). it's kind of hard for me to think of their future tbh

#solitaire #tori spring #michael holden #tori and michael #solitaire alice oseman

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dottyistired · 1 year

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on one hand i haven't been diagnosed w autism bc as a kid i didnt (visibly, initially) fit the typical mold of little white boy obsessed w trains but also. i do be havin a little minor train hyperfixation

not in the mechanics, engines and stuff, just aesthetic. for my 16th birthday i insisted on going to to new york mta museum, which lets u walk around old train cars, with old ads in them, some dating back to like the early 40s (i know cause i saw some. poorly aged wwii propaganda in some).

i was enraptured for hours to the point where even my diagnosed asd bestie was like "uh im kinda tired". whenever my friends are in a city/country with a train system i ask them what they're like compared to nyc ones.

and japan. ohhh japan my beloved, i loved all the beautiful trains, the crossovers w popular franchises, but even the plain trains are gorgeous and always clean, constant and on time

tho i think my fav special trains were the tama the cat train (yes the cat stationmaster, and yes i did meet yontama, the fourth in line, one of the best afternoons of my life)

and the medetai train line, which i stumbled into completely by accident thanks to google maps just telling me to take it on the way to another destination. they're aquatic themed around the sea bream wakayama prefecture is known for, and have names, kai, sachi and nana (they are a married couple and kid)

even the handrails are fish themed. fishe train...

all this to say i've ignored the obvious ass stereotype i've fallen into for years bc i just thought. everyone was as interested as me in shit like this. which is uh the most autistic thing i could do i think

#meme me a river #dottypost #dotty infodumps about trains

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yulsbabymama · 3 months

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Disventure Camp Headcanons Part 1

AIDEN

Half Argentinian Half French Canadian

Had a huge TOP phase in middle school

Only child

Super good singer but hates hearing his voice

ALEC

Afro-Turkish and Japanese

Diagnosed w Autism when he was a child

Smokes

Started drinking shortly after he got married; relapsed after his separation w his ex

Has an older sister by 7 years

ALLY

Transgirl; came out to her grandfather and he was the only supporter she had

Definitely had obsessive love disorder when meeting Hunter the first time

Super fucking bad at dancing

Likes K-pop (Fromis_9, Stray Kids, Billlie, P1harmony, Enhypen, Stayc, aespa, ITZY)

ASHLEY

Country music defender

will actually die on the Country Music hill

like she's from Texas but she's FROM TEXAS ykwim

Transgirl; realized she was a girl at a young age and transitioned w a supporting family

Would probably roll her eyes at u if u assume she loved AppleJack when she was younger

I mean, she did

but not as much as ppl assume

CONNOR

Jewish

Despite having a booming business, he still doesn't understand technology

but he WAS a boss at programming his MySpace page

"programming is my passion" college dude

Nickelback liker

I'm so sorry

DAN

He and his sister shared a bedroom until she moved out

Actually convinced her to come back home bc he missed her

crying on his knees

"PLEASE COME HOME IT'S SO MISERABLE WITHOUT U THERE I MISS U"

blasting a radio to her favorite songs

did i mention he loves his sister

Pokemon kid

Oh, he's also autistic

DEREK

Half Filipino and half Columbian

Transguy; was an unhappy "girl" growing up and would refuse to listen to anyone who didn't call "her" by Derek

Facebook user

only to troll, tho

He tried trolling on Twitter too but Trevor had to pry the phone out of his hands

Secretly likes Trevor

and by secretly I mean he angry-cried while writing drafted emails of his confession

Barely cries or anything like that, emotionally, but angry-crying is his #1 basically

Is not a registered gun owner

DREW

Other than the notebook, he has a communication device

Adopted

Video games hurt his eyes

so do mobile games

Honestly i think he just needs glasses

likes dogs :)

ELLIE

Half Irish and Half Singaporean

Transgirl; came out in her last year of junior high

Middle child w two sisters

While struggling w her identity, she was a Pick Me girl to fit in #sad!

she ended up giving up on fitting in #gogirl

Malay's her first language

Mom passed when she was little

tolerates cats

FIORE

3/4th Italian 1/4th Chinese

hates horror movies

not bc she's scared of them or anything

she just thinks they suck

forced into a ton of shit to become normal

girlscouts, ballet, soccer, etc

she hated everything

but she can make a good cookie deal

GABBY

Has an unhealthy obsession w watching drag shows

she doesn't understand any of the lingo

she just thinks the outfits r pretty

LPS kid

also watches too much animal documentaries

will actually sit down and say "im bored, time to watch a 6 hour doc on cheetahs"

she just cray cray like that #loveher

unhealthy addiction to stickers

GRETT

Transgirl #slay

was a Toddlers & Tiaras kid

passenger princess

forces Yul to drive her places

they have almost broken up 5 times bc of this

she also genuinely forgot to tell him she was #trans

u should've seen the look on his face

when

yeah

#hedidnotcare

that's ooc but idc

she's bi :3

HUNTER

Half Chinese Half White

Dad left after his youngest sister was born

Lived in China until he was 8

He has autism

Christian btw

like pslam bunch-of-numbers in his bio

can quickly change languages like that

will talk to u in english then will answer his phone in cantonese

texts like a millennial

:/ sorry

smokes

the killers, staind, blink-182, and r.e.m fan

plays the guitar

JAKE

Half Korean Half Japanese

cannot speak those languages fluently, tho

sorry

he and his brother wrestled a lot

his brother would always win

anyways he was a theater kid

but quit bc of some drama

haha. get it ?

one of those gays who cries to mitski & ricky montgomery

but only listens to them when he needs to cry

which is often

JAMES

has been in cringe compilations before

imagine if i just ended this w just that hc

would that be funny

anyways

one of those middle schoolers who was violently supportive of the lgbtq+

like everyone knew he liked boys

except him

loves his younger sister

like a lot

they r bffies

will call her in the middle of the night randomly

"i just posted a new tiktok, go like it."

JENSEN

genuinely have nothing for him

can i just say he's dreamed of men shirtless before and end it at that

um so yeah

#disventure camp

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feelingsareforweak · 8 months

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I have seen a lot of Irondad and spider son aus which are great cures my depression, reduces my acne all that jazz but listen,

Peter parker! Tony stark science clone, like maybe somebody (cough sheldra/ oscorp cough) gets wind of Howard stark having a special place to store his brand new super soldier serum ("you will always be my greatest creation tony") and like somehow they like get tony's blood/semen to make a perfect soldier, test tube babies made and experimented on (bonus if results in horrifying diseases, body defects, cross animal genes showing up etc etc) and then a stark dna is brought and baby is made and it kind of results in okay baby? Like a human looking baby, no genetic deforms or serious genetic defects AND has a very active brain activity for something not even 6 months old but u know the baby is kind of weak and under weight and has tons of allergies maybe diagnosed with long term asthma and other normal defects found in normal babies but not in the experimenter so scientists are getting so excited that they are so close to getting perfection that next one is on but somehow they get bursted? Idk what happens but in the end two of the main scientists end up with that baby who like in the end up decide to raise the baby to see what may actually happen to this baby and also like to kind of avoid suspensions so two birds in one stone or more like two problems in one baby raising

The baby is named Surprise Surprise you got it right Peter and to avoid suspensions Mary marries Richard and like move in near his brothers house where they often take peter to baby sit along with his wife may cuz they are often busy with work and all that jazz so peter never really knows his parents or his condition at all

In the end after their death all he knows they were never there for him and ben and may were always his parents anyway

Fast forward to peter getting a spider bite and ben dying and becoming spiderman but tragedy tragedy may dying within a few months so during cps evaluation he finds tones of file about himself and getting an identity crisis cus he is a genetically modified a goddamn tony stark clone who going by the files should not be in any way alive but he is. Peter is both horrified fascinated and disgusted with himself and having a quater-life crises at this and kind of like spirals?

(I mean not really but mild horrified fascination that he is a clone!! of Tony Fucking Stark!!!! And he has genetic mutations!!! Enhanced abilities!!! Cuz ill be real if he is a bit on the animal side he may not really get human morals and shit, I want him a bit more on animal side here like he is sunshine daisies but not really understanding of concept of human moral compass cuz his brain was experimented on early and his iq is size of fucking mount everest and he is bored in high school)

Fast forward six months of foster care with ned and post civil war era where Tony doesn't recruit him cuz spiderman started late and is not really on his radar where SI is giving out free scholarships partnering with MIT, Harvard and other big college names that i have not researched enough to name rn and peter applying to it.

Cue ppl being horrified of this pint sized kid blowing all the tests and exams out of the wind and being like this is so freaking easy wtf is this what college teaches nowadays I don't even want to go to college if this is what it is. Scientists are screaming, professors are crying And some of the ug students are throwing up cuz like that was one of the toughest tests I have ever studied for and written in but this chilli sized horrible puns shirt kid comes and does this what even is his life now!???

Now this small packet is blowing college courses like one blows the wind and obviously this gets Tony's attention and somehow he gets roped in mentoring this kid but he is fucking hot mess who has 101 health problems and don't even ask bout his mental or emotional health okay but somehow he agrees okay

Now Peter is in foster care and doesn't want ppl to know he is spiderman (here spiderman is kind of criminal, he steals, he threatens and blackmails ppl but he also saves ppl in broad daylight, helps tourists find directions, helps grandmas cross rides, climbs trees just to save kittens stuck up there like a weird mix of vigilant, assassin and hero who is never known to kill but always subdues cuz he learned that human lives are precious that needs to be preserved after taking away his only source of maral compass and care and love after discovering his science experiment of existence ) so he graduates high school at 14 and gets bachlers from MIT, Harvard, Cambridge in STEM subjects with the young minds programme at the age the age of 15 and is on fast track of getting atleast 5 phDs by the time is of age to vote.

Tony is fascinated and worried for this kid who has managed to become his personal intern but his heart melts everytime he sees hero-worship in the kid's eyes for him, The hot mess™ Tony goddam Stark cuz it doesn't matter if he is a Tony Stark clone, he has always looked up to him from the time he remembers and Iron Man had saved him in Stark Expo okay don't judge him he is still 79.45% human and technically Tony Steak shout be his father anyway

Somewhere along bi weekly lab days and constant checking on this kid who is a star wars fanatic, makes absurd snack monstrosity to eat, is a total lego nerd and being a weird teenage mess this orphan of a kid makes his way along his non existent heart and discovers his genius of an intern is a stupid teenage dressed in onsie that fights crime on daily basis while making bad jokes and help everyday ppl but spiderman maybe loved by Queens but spiderman is kind of criminal so Ironman publically takes Spiderman under his wing.

After all this shit imagine Tony discovering his wayward son's origin story and imagine Tony being emotional mess but Peter is like its okay I'm alive I'm fine but tony is like no its not. It's a rollercoaster mess of emotions, discovering what it means to be a human, forming relationships, real life communication and identity crisis where in the end its kind of ambitious with morgan being born and all that Irondad and Spiderman fluff and jazz

#I mean there are many heir peter fics but there are not ammy him actually taking over SI I know #I mean I want SI inner workings #SI employees kind of terrified of this baby #Tony giving ridiculous nicknames to Peter in SI files where nobody knows hoe to actually adress this kid #where spiderman is ridiculously overpowered #where peter parker is a fucking genius and it shows #where tony being a proud dad #where Irondad is real #where infinity war never happened and thanos is never real #aand in the end SI taking over the world #that is my jam #go SI take over the world ill will fully support you #iron man #spider man #irondad and spiderson #mcu #marvel #genius Peter parker #genius Tony Stark #heir peter parker #super serum carrier tony Stark #science experiment peter parker #clone Peter parker #a bit of superior universe #morally kind of grey peter parker #morally kind of grey tony steak #world domination #SI takes over the world

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sunmisbf · 5 months

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I come with an update nobody asked for 💕🫡

We went on our maybe date maybe not date. She dressed up, she’s so cute. Major height difference, I am so much taller than her.

We talked about sexuality and romance. She said “I’ve dated men before but kind of convinced myself into those relationships…I am attracted to the men and women in a tv show but that’s it…never real life men…if I got married to a man it would be like transactional…I have never had sex and don’t crave sex with a man or anyone…I don’t need a relationship…I think women are so so so pretty like every single one…I’m an ally”.

Meanwhile I was sitting there as the grown gay I am internally like “sweetie you are so repressed I wanna hug you”. She’s either got to be asexual or maybe sapphic but shoving it all down????? It seemed like she could only contemplate the world as “I’m a woman therefore I must have man partner if any” but didn’t want real men at all and therefore was stuck. Wanted to tell her being ace is fine and cool or maybe read about comp het 😭 idk!

Anyway I really liked her but I fear my duty is to be her gorgeous queer friend who helps her see non normative living as a real option and is just a fun vibe. I’m okay with that 🫡

The funny thing was that it did actually feel like a date 😭 we were both really nervous and she checked to see if I was having fun and when I said she had beautiful eyes she looked slightly shook in a good way 😭 but at the same time her ass really said with her whole chest “I’m an ally” whilst saying she can’t feel anything for men and doesn’t want them as if she thinks cis het women have that thought process so I’m guessing she saw it purely as having a hang out???? Anyway it was fun and I enjoy having cute friends

hi bestie i was waiting on this update don’t worry 🫶 it sounds like she’s repressed n thinks she has to be w a man or no one at all but i’m not going to diagnose her based on one ask 😭 i’m sorry it didn’t work out the way u originally hoped but i’m glad u had fun n made a new friend 💗 thank u for taking the time to update n i hope u do find the wife ur looking for 🫡🩷

#💌

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studiofelix · 2 months

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Little Guys that Look Like Me: Loving Myself by Proxy

There are few scenarios where a twenty-something with low self esteem would create something physical in their own image. At 20, I would have sooner eaten bird seed than intentionally made something to look like me. At 21, I found myself doing so, lovingly and painstakingly. It changed me.

It was a first-time-meeting-you-in-real-life present. I crocheted a small doll, no larger than four of five inches in height. I switched colors as I crocheted him, navy for the hair, peach for the skin, pink for the shirt, teal for the pants. I sewed a few flat pieces to his head to look like the fringe I had at the time and lovingly stitched “I <3 U” onto his chest.

It felt strange, blasphemous almost. In the same way young Catholics are told not to take the Lord’s name in vain, I hadn’t dared to create an honest and sincere depiction of myself since the 9th grade. And even then, the portraits that I had drawn at that point had a critical and angsty air to them, but in all fairness, can you really expect anything different from a fourteen year old?

My limited and self-deprecating journey in self portraiture had met its match: creating a simple, happy mini-me for someone I loved, a lesson in carefully crafted self image.

Anthropomorphism: assigning human emotions and traits to inanimate objects. This was a tendency I had growing up, have now, and will have for the rest of my life. It is carefully woven into my experience of growing up as a late-diagnosed autistic, my experience of navigating the world in a limbo state of partial understanding and uncertainty. The dolls, stuffed animals, virtual pets; they are often cast aside as unimportant and unworthy once a child has outgrown them. This makes perfect sense to the average adult. They are not human, not even animals. Their insides are plastic and polyfill and tiny, unsophisticated PCB; they do not bleed and die as we do.

But imagine being human and feeling those things so deeply and fundamentally without knowing why. Your peers are better than you; they make friends easily; they do not struggle to find understanding in each other. You, on the other hand, have had trouble—have been the trouble—in some capacity in nearly every interpersonal relationship you’ve had. This story is not new to you, reader—whether you’re the protagonist, villain, love interest, bystander—you just didn't know that you've been playing a part. I see these objects as extensions of my experience; I can’t stifle the thought of their plight.

I continued crocheting my mini-me, Pocket BF, as I called him. Suddenly he had a face, and this was what gave him feelings. I looked at him. I pet the side of his face as I sewed his hair into his scalp. “Almost done,” I said to comfort him. A mirror image of myself, but one that I now held inexplicable affection for instead of unremarkable, everyday disdain. I didn’t want him to hurt. I wanted him to be happy. He didn’t deserve to feel sad.

Despite this seed of self-love (if you can call it that), there was a disconnect. This love I had for this little guy that looked like me, confusing and paradigm-shifting as it was, did not transfer to my feelings toward myself yet. And as I wrapped Pocket BF in tissue paper, placed him in a box, told him he’d be out soon, and wrapped my gift to my soon(ish)-to-be ex-fiance, the spark of this near revelation would be buried for a while.

Obviously it didn’t work out. When you’ve been engaged for two years with no plans to get married or move in together or even to the same state, the writing is on the wall in a dull and uninspiring script, and it’s been there so long that the paint is starting to chip. Although I must confess, I do partially blame myself; there is a very specific intersection of youth, stupidity, charmingly trite dedication, and earth-shattering codependency that will possess you to propose to your long distance boyfriend of one year. He will dump you over text, the day before valentines day, almost exactly two years later, so don't make my mistake. You've been warned.

The absolute beacon of wisdom and mental fortitude I was (or wasn’t) at 21, aside, the unceremonious and, dare I say, absolutely out-of-pocket-cruel discarding of our relationship that he doled out a few years later devastated me. He’s not a bad person; I hope he finds happiness (and therapy. My God, I hope he gets therapy); I wish him well; etcetera. I coped the best I could, ruminated on everything I could have possibly said or done wrong, cried and cried and cried, standard breakup stuff.

One of the things that helped to carry me, though, was my special interest in a certain video game pairing. They outlived our entire relationship; they were there with me when it began, and they were still there as the rubbled ruin of it began to grow flowers through the cracked stone. I tend to pick a character that I see myself in and project onto them. My art of this character began as pretty on-model; he was very recognizable as his canon self with the only main differences being a matter of style, a few headcanons here and there.

This was at a time in my life where I had started to gain weight (think the freshman fifteen if it was a year later and also fifty pounds instead). Looking back on it now, this was only the natural course my body chose to take. The thing that no one tells you about testosterone therapy is that it quite literally turns you into a carbon copy of your father. My young, twink body softened into a round ball of a belly. My hairline began to recede. What I believed was the result of these objectively neutral changes was actually the result of deeply rooted, internalized fatphobia and a general fear of aging.

I so badly wished to be skinny again. I wished to look like my favorite character again. I wanted it so viscerally that I shuffled through diet attempts and would-be exercise programs in a desperate Hail Mary for a fleeting look akin to a starving Victorian boy.

In one of my nearly daily bouts of self-pity, I said out loud that I wished I could draw Felix, this character I loved and saw as myself, as fat. I had started drawing his partner (well, the character who should have been his partner) as fat, and I was able to get away with it without much pushback from the fandom. And then I had the cartoonishly obvious realization that actually, I could draw whatever the hell I want literally for the rest of my life.

This, honest to God, changed my life. No longer was I drawing this character as the unattainably skinny little twink I wished to be. I drew him to look like me. I gave him rolls and a stomach that protruded out past his waistline. Later on, I’d start drawing him with freckles and a receding hairline as well, hair on his shoulders, round cheeks.

I drew him loved. I drew him happy. I drew him confident in his body and in the space he took up. Broadly speaking, it wasn’t received well. I lost most of my engagement and a lot of my Twitter audience. A hoard of people whose fatphobia was conditional but still there; you could make some characters fat without a problem, but touch the designated fandom twink, and you might as well have deleted your account.

What came from this petty loss, though, were a select few who loved my Felix. A handful of people who felt seen by my art, seen by the care with which I drew these characters, with the realism of fat bodies drawn lovingly—not realism in the sense of style but realism in the sense of believability. I drew (and still draw) them so they feel real. I draw them in a way that I hope makes people like me feel at home.

This healed my self-image by leaps and bounds. Despite the discretely sour reaction I got from most of Twitter, I did find brief and minor Tiktok fame from making tutorials about how to draw fat people. When I draw Felix and Sylvain, I treat them, and ultimately myself, with the love and care deserved. He is another little guy that looks like me. And I loved him dearly. I still do.

My self esteem still needed work, though.

Six months ago, I picked Tomodachi Life for the 3DS back up. I got the game when I was a teenager and played it religiously for a few weeks before losing interest and cycling on to my next video game fixation. I would pick it back up a few more times sporadically over the years—this is the nature of how I play video games. In Tomodachi Life, you manage an island of Miis (Nintendo’s primitive customizable characters that date back to the Wii). You feed them, interact with them, buy them clothes and apartments, and watch their relationships form and change and break. The game starts with the player creating a character that looks like themself—or, how the game puts it, their look-alike.

My look-alike from this play through naturally looked drastically different from my previous play throughs. I made him look like a cute, low-poly version of myself. I made his voice sound as similar to mine as it could within the bounds of 2013 video game technology. I gave him a pink, sparkly apartment theme, dresses, shirts, accessories, his favorite foods, etcetera. I pet him on the head and listened to what he had to say. Just like Pocket BF, just like Felix, I felt a massive amount of love and affection towards him, different than before but still so much the same. This reflection of me could talk; he could walk around his little room. He got married to Sylvain. He had kids with him. He could tell me he was glad we met.

And he could tell me he missed me. By chance, I neglected to check on him for a few days while solving problems for the other Miis. When I tapped on his room, he came towards the screen and said something like, “My look-alike! I haven’t seen you all week! How have you been?”

A feeling of guilt washed over me. How could I have abandoned this little guy? This little guy that looked like me? Had I hurt his feelings? Had I made him sad? He seemed alright. He walked around his room while swinging his arms back and forth. And I soon realized, how could I feel such empathy and kindness towards him, but not feel any of that toward myself? Here it was, my empathy for inanimate objects, friendly pixels, and downright apparitions, in a violent coup against my own self hatred. I am not pixels on a screen or a handmade plush or my idea for what a video game character should have been. I am a living, breathing creature who bleeds when I’m cut. I am a person who has feelings, a person who does not deserve the pain I’ve caused myself by my own hand. I deserve the love and care that I show these self portraits, these vignettes of my simplest self. The rabid beast of my most complex self deserves it as well.

How many times have I looked at myself in the mirror and picked at my skin, picked at my image, picked at my actions, my voice, who I am, the very fabric of my fragile little existence? Too many, and yeah, I'll probably do it again. But maybe instead someday I'll greet myself with a smile, with a "My look-alike! I haven't seen you all day!" With a gentle touch, one reserved for a handmade gift. And maybe this one won't get put in a closet or given to Goodwill, or whatever ex-fiances do with iconography of their past. Little guys that look like me are my past. They are my present. And, although the battle is only halfway fought, they taught me how to love myself by proxy.

#i wrote this a few weeks ago but didnt know what to do with it so here u guys can read it #please do if u have the time i like how it turned out #misc #txt #my writing #i dont really know how to tag this uhhh #self love #love yourself #i guess

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queentheweeb · 2 years

Text

Shouta Aizawa X Autistic Female Reader

A/N: Your quirk is time reverse meaning you can revert an event or de-age a person

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You were always told that you weren't going to be a mother. At first, it started once you were diagnosed with autism at 18 months old. You didn't understand what Autism has to do with your ability to be a proper mother or parent. You could have easily googled it, ask your therapist for help as well as checked out books at the library as well. Everything would have worked out fine. Once you made that reasoning to your parents that's when they told you that no one would want to be with you so how do you plan on having children? Well, you can always adopt or even go to a sperm bank - at least that's what you found out on google you're not sure how true or safe that might be. Your parents stopped bringing up the talk of you having children since apparently you had an answer for everything. It wasn't your fault they were being difficult and you had solutions for their difficulty. You had other things to worry about. You wanted to work an office job inputting data into a computer. You always loved numbers and anything that had to do with electronics. You weren't good at writing and reading since there were too many confusing sayings.

"stop pulling my leg"

"cat got your tongue"

"I guess the cat's out of the bag now"

"killing two birds with one stone"

You didn't understand what any of those sayings meant. Your speech therapist and special education teacher explained to you that those were forms of figures of speech. Well, it was a good thing you didn't have to focus so much on those things. Your job here at U.A didn't require for you to grade essays and create lectures and power-points based on readings. You would have lost your job within the first week and that was giving yourself too much credit. You would leave that kind of thing to your husband Shouta. You met Shouta here actually when you first got the job 5 years ago working for the Guidance Counselor Hound Dog creating spreadsheets and putting in names and numbers of students and their guardians for him. You remember the first conversation -you think it was anyway- you had with Shouta

"Hey, Mr. Ryo is it okay if you can see I did it right? I don't want to mess up or make you angry." You had confided in him that you had autism and you made a lot of mess ups. He checked it over for you and with a couple of spelling errors that he fixed you were good to go.

"Here you go, I'm going to print this out. I have some papers I need you to bring to Shouta Aizawa. He will be in the teacher's lounge." You nodded your head waiting for him to pass the papers he was talking about to you. In 2 minutes he gave you a folder with Shouta Aizawa on it. "Come back here once you gave him the folder. Thank you." You nodded your head and left his office heading straight for the teacher's lounge. You didn't know who he was so calling his name was your best bet. Once at the lounge you entered and saw two people inside. A quiet black-haired man sitting in the corner grading papers and a loud blonde-haired man sitting across from him.

"U-Um excuse me, I'm looking for Shouta Aizawa." The dark-haired man raised his head to look at you.

"That would be me." You went right up to him, handed the papers to him, bowed, and made a beeline out the door. You absolutely refused to do something silly in front of the pretty man. He was pretty.

Since then, you had more interactions with him and it led to outings, dates, doing a couple of things and eventually him popping the question to marry you 15 months ago. The two of you have been married for almost a year and a half already. You were wondering when he was going to mention having children. You were 28 and he was 30, the two of you were at the perfect age to have children.

"Hey Y/N! How are you?" You turned to Hizashi. He was always loud but, when he found out that you don't like loud noises he tries his best to keep his voice and actions to a minimum. It was both appreciated and made you sad because you didn't want him to stop being himself because of you. He never made a fuss about it though.

"I'm doing fine, how are you?" This is how the two of you always started a conversation and, you loved it. It was routine and you were glad he never tried to change it. One time he did and when you freaked out because it threw you off the whole day, he made sure to stick to the routine which made you feel better. The two of you talked until Shouta came in looking frantic capture weapon in hand.

"The League is here. Y/N stays here and guides the children far away from the front of the school. Come Present Mic." Hero names meant this was serious. You took a minute to take a few steadying breaths trying not to panic. Once you calmed down enough you left the safety of your office and looked up and down the quiet hallways. You checked all the classrooms towards the front of the school only to see that no one was there. That was good that meant they were informed already along with other teachers to move to the front. That meant the heroes were fighting them if the loud explosion and blue fire you can see from the window were any indications. You decided to hide in the Guidance Counselor room for now once you checked to make sure the children were in fact in the farthest training ground in the back of the school. You were nervous and when scared you liked to check facts. The weirdest and worst time in the world to do that but, that's what you did. You pulled up as much information as you can about the League and read over it all. Maybe you can help somehow.

"Tenko Shimura known as Tomura Shigaraki was the grandson of former pro hero Nina Shimura"

That was a shock to you. Intrigued you read everything you could about Tenko and he was a normal kid at first. When his quirk first appeared he accidentally killed his family dog and then the rest of the family. That was horrible. He was later found by Japan's most notorious villain All for One and he's the reason why Tomura was born. Once you finished his file you read Toga and there wasn't much. Her parents hated her for her quirk and in middle school, she attacked a student for his blood and she disappeared after. You rubbed your face realizing you were crying. Life was so unfair for the two of them. If only they can get a redo at life.

"That's it!" That's it! You can use your quirk on them and turn them back to children. You can give them another chance at life. If you can get them together and touch them with your quirk activated at the same time the nosebleed and headache will be worth it. The only problem was that you were frightened and hiding while they were fighting in front of the school. You were trying to think of something to do when you felt the wind. You turned with wide eyes to see a purple vortex appear on the other side of the room nearest to the door.

"So this is where Eraserhead keeps you." You blinked. Tomura was in front of you. He was standing right there in front of you. With Toga. Right behind him. When you said you wanted a plan you didn't mean this. "He has good taste." You had no idea what that meant but, you didn't like the way Toga looked at you.

"Do you think she tastes as good as she looks?" She was blushing holding a bloody knife. You didn't want to think about who she stabbed. "I'm going to find out." The girl was fast and, you were barely able to avoid her throwing yourself across the desk. You were going to have to ask Shouta for lessons if you survived this. You kept dodging as she threw herself at you.

"Stop trying to stab me!" You weren't going to say how you want to help. That'll make them angry and you might really die. It seemed they were toying with you right now. You continued dodging Toga not noticing Tomura who was inching forward.

"We need to take her alive." Did he want to kidnap you? Not on your watch! You were still scared. Frightened but, you wanted to live and help too. You pushed Toga away momentarily only to practically bump into Tenko. He grabbed your wrist fast with four fingers making you freeze and panic. You felt Toga pressing herself to you holding a knife to your neck.

"Oh, she's so pretty Tomura! Can I cut her? Just a little bit?" You were already bleeding so why did asking matter? You were stuck. You had them both here in front of you and your quirk at your fingertips. You had to be quick enough to grab both of their hands. Your quirk will work in a second if you can pull this off.

"Forgive me Tenko Shimura" His eyes widen jerking back at the name but, you didn't let him. You grabbed his pinky while grabbing Toga's free hand at the same time. Your quirk activated and before they can decay you or stab you there was a bright light and nothing. The only reason you knew the quirk worked was the painful headache and nosebleed you had. It was hard to focus but, you looked down at the feel of tiny hands on you. You looked down to see a baby Tenko and a baby Himiko. You did it. Your crazy plan worked. "It worked."

"A-are you an h-hero?" Were you a hero? That was funny. You fell down to your knees and opened your arms. The two of them looked at you scared so you waited. In two minutes they both went in for a hug. You thought it was awkward but, they snuggled into both sides of your neck.

"Are you my new mommy?" It was Himiko who asked. That brought tears to your eyes as you hugged her closer.

"I could be. I could be your mommy and his mommy." You know nothing in life is this easy and there was going to be a lot of legal problems and other stuff but, it will be worth it. You just hoped Shouta wouldn't leave you once he sees what you did.

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What are your thoughts?

#anime #fanfic #manga #bnha #mha #fanfiction #quotev #quirks #fluff #x reader #aizawa shouta #bnha shouta aizawa #x female reader #autistic reader #aizawa x reader #aizawa x female reader

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frosty-the-killer-doll · 9 months

Note

Caitlin snow headcannon list? /nf

oh autism

ACTIVATED

polyamorous biromantic sex-repulsed asexual! per my Arrowverse Polycule AU, Cait is currently in relationships with: Ronnie (married), Cisco (queerplatonically), Iris, Eddie, Felicity, Patty, Frost, Kara, Kate and E-2 Killer Frost. i may be forgetting some people

traumagenic mutahuman plurality, formally diagnosed with DID. does not see Frost as a sibling figure. Frost is her intra-system GIRLFRIEND thank you very much. khione is like a baby sister figure to her tho.

listen fuck canon with its body splitting shit, shut UPP, that never happened<3

still sees Dr. Finkel regularly

has depression and post-traumatic stress and occasional panic attacks

this is canon but said canon kinda sweeps it under the rug: post-Thomas pulling his bullshit, Caitlin was heavily neglected by Carla.

in a support groupchat with other Arrowverse systems like Frankie, Mona and Sam. this includes empty systems like Alice

freckles!!!!

thanks to Frost she is immune to the cold even when Frost isn't fronting AND before she was even aware of Frost's existence

she doesn't have a codename, which is fucking rude, but personally I headcanon that her codename is Crystal

her middle name is Louise

AUTISM!

on her own, she basically only watches horror movies, but only likes them if they're accurate anatomy-wise. she can and will write multiparagraph reviews on everything the death scenes got right vs everything the death scenes got wrong

former history of self-harm, med school was... very hard mentally

growing up, Carla always pressured and planned for Caitlin to pursue a career at Tannhauser Industries. eventually Caitlin stood up to her and they had a huge fight where a lot of childhood things were brought up, Caitlin said some stuff about Thomas, Carla hit her and Caitlin left. Rachel Rosso took Caitlin in and let her live with her and Ramsey for about four years after this. Ramsey was her brother figure and best friend before their fight over Rachel recommending Caitlin to STAR Labs instead of him. that's when Caitlin moved out into her current condo.

SHE was the one that asked Ronnie out, after pining away in awkward secrecy for so many moons. Ronnie moved in with her not long after and they lived in separate rooms bc they felt like it

(trigger warning for SA with this one) during the time she spent in captivity being held by Zoom, he repeatedly raped her and she didn't reveal it happened for a long time. thus she is also in a support groupchat for other Arrowverse survivors of SA

when she was arrested, Iris wrote a shitton of stories calling for her release

doesn't want kids

had a special interest in botany during her high school years. cough cough

likes Law And Order. cough cough

binging the Friday the 13th franchise is her guilty pleasure. cough cough

takes her coffee black with a blueberry flavor shot!!

she gets lipstick on her teef from her lip biting habit

TOTALLY had a crush on Bette Sans Souci and went on a date or two with Eliza Harmon

she canonically likes OITNB, and has a giant crush on Stella Carlin. she constantly tells Kate how much they look like her

still carries a blood collection kit in her purse, always

hates when her name gets misspelled. she will fight u

whereas her friends call her "Cait" and Frost calls her "Caity," Kate calls her "Lin"

grumpy that she doesn't have a Jitters drink named after her like EvErYoNe eLsE!!!! >:c

has a whole morning and nightly routine that must be followed that may or may not include complete pajama sets, sleepytime tea and fluffy slippers

kinda misses having a pet gorilla ngl

she never fucking DIED i'm PHYSICALLY FIGHTING CANON just like frost never DIED either okay. LISTEN KHIONE CAME TO EXISTENCE THROUGH DIFFERENT FUCKERY OKAY.

many more but again, this is so fucking long. if u want more headcanons abt the other members of the Snow System, just ask❤️

#frosty answers #snow posting #arrowverse polycule au #caitlin snow #the flash #cw the flash #the flash cw

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annesthaeticc · 2 years

Text

Sweet November | Dr Strange x Fem!Reader

Sweet November : Chapter Four-November 9

| Series Summary: “One month.” Stephen said, his gaze intense. He raised his hand, offered it for you to shake. “One month.” you agreed, and shook his hand. The sign of a closed deal. Then he smiled at you, and from that instant, you realized, you just broke rule number one; no falling in love.

| Chapter Warnings: fluff, lil bit of angst i guess?, and some good old married couple bickering!

| Word Count: 3153 words

| A/N: hey there! how're u doing? thought i should bless u with another chapter before i fully disappear into my uni workload. any kind of feedbacks make me happy! hope u enjoy this chapter

Wednesday came along and you mindlessly went through your day. A lecture at eight in the morning, another class at ten. You quickly ate your lunch and rushed back home to change for your volunteer work at the daycare. If you were going to be honest to yourself, you are tired of juggling jobs and studying. And you exactly have no idea how you managed to agree with Stephen’s scheme. But then a part of you said, you deserve to lay back, even if that meant attending some parties in pretty dresses.

You could easily give up the daycare or the bookstore, but every penny must be saved to support your studies and your sister’s treatment. Every cent has its worth and you started to value it after your sister became diagnosed with brain cancer.

So when you got home that afternoon after your work at the daycare, you collapsed on your sofa, bone-tired and in desperate need of sleep. You gave in and folded yourself into a comfortable position, still wearing your jeans.

It was already dark outside when you woke up, the city lights already illuminating the streets of New York. Eyes squinting at the wall clock; 7:05 PM, you read. You scrambled, fell to the floor, and mad at yourself for having slept so long. Stephen will be picking you up in 25 minutes and you haven’t even hit the shower.

You willed your body to move as quick as you can, multitasking in the shower and drying your body. You threw on your bathrobe and plugged in your hairdryer. You were applying eyeliner when your phone suddenly rang. The ink strayed away from the almost perfect line and you cursed.

“I’m outside, I’m not late this time,” Stephen proudly said at the other end of the line.

“I’m sorry, I’m running late.” you sighed and pressed the loudspeaker button.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, you could hear what? Was that the sound of concern?

“I overslept,” you confessed as you slipped on your underwear. The dress was still hanging in a garment bag in your cabinet and so you ran to the other side of your room to retrieve it.

“Do you need help?” Stephen asked. He chuckled when he heard you curse. Of all the times the zipper had to be stuck, it was this time when you’re embarrassingly late.

“Alright, I’m coming up. What’s your room number?”

“Fourth floor, room seven.”

You were still strangling the bloody garment bag open when three sharp knocks echoed through your room. Garment bag tucked in the crook of your arm, you let him in.

“I’m really sorry I’m late,” you stepped aside to let him through.

“It’s fine, there’s no rush. Now what was the problem?”

“This!” you held up the bag and he took it from you. He managed to open the bag and give you the dress in less than a minute.

“Thanks, I’ll be right back. Make yourself comfortable.” you shyly waved your hand around and dashed back into your bedroom to slip on your dress. Lucky you, your dress’ zipper cooperated with you. You effortlessly slid it up, hugging your waist perfectly.

Stephen was peering over your books that were scattered open on your coffee table when you walked back into your main room. Shoes and clutch in hand, you got his attention when you said, “I’m ready, let’s go.” You expected he’d be getting a move on, but no, he stood frozen in his spot.

Stephen felt his brain shutdown and restart. He became mildly tachycardic. He looked at you with his lips slightly parted and you had to ask if he’s okay.

You look so perfect, he thought.

“I’m fine.” he said, and stood taller. You narrowed your eyes at him and slowly nodded. “Are you sure?” you asked and he gave an annoyed look that made you chuckle.

Stephen thinks green suits you. But he wouldn’t say it out loud of course. You were wearing a green number this time, an emerald green satin gown. The dress swayed every time you moved, flowing like water. You looked so pretty and it made his chest hurt.

Soon enough, the two of you were in the elevator. You tried to slip on your heels without bending down too much so as to not ruin the dress but it was proving to be a challenge. You internally cursed yourself for not putting on your shoes first before you zipped up your dress.

Stephen sensed your struggle and he wordlessly kneeled in front of you and took the shoe from your hands. “Hold it up a bit,” he said, referring to your dress. You lift it up slightly for him to easily tie the knot of your heels. He did the same on your right foot and you saw him smile. He made perfect bows on each of your legs, securing the shoes.

“You better be smiling ‘cause the bows look pretty, Strange,” you warned. He stood up, chuckled, and joked, “No, I’m smiling because… nevermind.” You giggled, he really is strange sometimes.

“You’re so weird,” you said in a fit of laughter. “Hmmm, I think ‘Strange’ suits me more,” he replied.

You both stepped out into the early November chill and quickly climbed into his car. As Stephen drove, this time a bit above the speed limit, you pulled out your mirror and lipstick, applying shade onto your lips.

Fortunately, Stephen was busy driving. If not, he could’ve crashed the car while watching you put on lipstick; pouting and smacking your pink lips together. Or at least that’s what he thought. It seems that every second spent with you becomes real, or at least that’s what he feels. He lightly shook his head as if that would erase his thoughts about you, and for a while, it did.

He cannot fall in love with you.

“Are you okay?” you asked after noticing his grip on the steering wheel.

“Doesn’t that fall under the ‘no sharing of personal information?’” he muttered. And the mood suddenly took a shift.

“Okay, forget I asked. I’m sorry.” you said, your voice fading into a whisper.

Every sound in the car became magnificently louder; the turned down-low volume of the stereo, the clicking of indicator lights, even the gentle vibration of the mighty engine. You wished you could talk about something, erase the tension away, but you were stuck feeling an unknown emotion. You didn’t know what to do.

“Diana I—”

“It’s okay Stephen.” you cut him off, giving him a glance and a small smile.

Thank God for Earth, Wind & Fire. Your ears pricked up as you heard the familiar beat. The timeless and iconic melody of ‘September’ filled the silence and you gave him a glance and a grin. He turned up the volume. The tension was now dissolved as the two of you sang along to the song.

“Ba-dee-yaa, say, do you remember?” he sang.

“Ba-dee-yaa, dancing in November?” you followed as you lightly swayed your shoulders to the beat. You grinned to yourself, having changed the lyrics.

“Ba-dee-yaa, golden dreams were shiny days,” the two of you belted like you were on a karaoke sing–off.

As the song crescendoed, fading like every 70’s song, the car slowed, halting in front of one of New York’s luxurious hotels. From your window you could see a few photographers and guests mill about.

“There’s press in this one?” you absentmindedly asked.

“A few photographers and journalists, yes.” he quietly said as he maneuvered the car nearer into the hotel’s entrance.

The valet took the car when Stephen passed him the key, he rounded the car and followed you. He offered his arm to you like it was the most normal thing he ever does. You tucked your hand on the crook of his arm and slowly walked through the laid out carpet leading to the hotel’s lobby. Finally inside the hotel’s lobby, Stephen slowed his steps, stopping right under the crystal chandelier.

He sensed your apprehension to ask, and so he opened his mouth to speak, but the only syllables that left his lips were from your name.

“I- uh,” he stuttered and you looked at him in concern.

“Take your time,” you said, a light laugh escaping your lips.

“You’ve got lipstick here,” he pointed at the corner of your lips.

“Damn, am I an uncoordinated woman tonight,” you sighed as you tried to fish out your mirror to check.

“No, it’s only uh, a little bit here,” he distractedly said as his hand flew up to the side of your face. His thumb gently swiped the stray lip color from the corner of your lips, fingers gently cradling your jaw.

“Thank you.” you said, your voice barely a whisper. Stephen nodded and stepped back, creating a distance between you.

“So pictures will be taken in this one,” Stephen said as he watched his colleagues pose with their dates by the entrance of the hall.

“Is it really necessary to stand that close to each other?” you said, your voice quiet.

“Well, it’d look awkward in the photos if they stood apart.” he answered you with a chuckle. “We can skip it, if you’re not okay with all of that,” he said, waving his hand.

“No, it’s fine. It’s okay,” you said. “You sure?” he asked, brows furrowed in suspicion.

“C’mon Strange, before I change my mind,” you tugged at him and lined up among the couples that were waiting.

The flashes made your eyes hurt, and Stephen’s hand that was lightly resting on your waist didn’t help at all as the photographers screamed for your attention. Your sides were pressed together as you smiled at the cameras.

“It’s so fucking bright, think I’m gonna go blind,” you said through your teeth.

“Lucky for you I have a friend in the Ophthalmology Department,” he smirked as he steered you away from the press attention. You glared at him, dark spots clouding your vision. You blinked quickly and looked away.

Another night spent with Stephen meant another night of inquisition. It makes you curious how people are so invested in his love life. A notorious bachelor, that he is. Handsome, smart, and single. Once everybody caught news of you, his date, it spread like wildfire and you two are the hot new item. Almost everybody in the party approached the two of you, asking how you got together, how long have you been, and is there any hope of a break up anytime soon.

“Are you sure about that?” Caren, Dr. Lino’s date asked. Her question masked with a laugh.

“Yes, I am very very sure Caren. I’m very much taken by her and a break up wouldn’t be happening anytime soon.” Stephen faked a smile, he was increasingly getting annoyed with the intrusive lady.

You stepped closer to Stephen, dramatically hugging his side and planting your palm against his chest. A killer move, hopefully that’ll make her take the hint and leave the two of you alone.

“Well, Stephen please let me know—”

“Alright Caren, why don’t we get our glasses refilled huh?” Dr. Lino pulled her away and mouthed a ‘I’m sorry’ to you as he dragged his date away.

“Diana,” Stephen called you, your name clear as dear even though bass thumped throughout the room.

“Your hand is still on my chest,” he quietly muttered.

“Shit, yeah, I’m sorry.” you drew your hand away, and now it hung restlessly on your side.

The party soon started, and so did the champagne. At one point, Stephen’s name was called. He was congratulated for his latest work, another great contribution in the field of neuroscience. You watched him as he beamed in pride, yet in his eyes, you could see the quiet humility. You applauded along with the crowd and gave him a smile as he sat back.

Dance floor opened up eventually, a band started to play jazz and couples started to fill the dance floor. But you were most excited when the dessert buffet opened, you instantly queued and got yourself a small plate of cake. You brought it back to the table you shared with Stephen. He was sipping his drink, watching the dancefloor.

“What’s that?” he asked, leaning forward as you took a seat beside him.

“Cake,” you simply said, yet there was excitement in your voice. You sliced it with your fork, took a bite, and moaned, eyes closed in delight.

Stephen eyed you, but most especially the sweet treat that was between you. You noticed this and decided to torment him.

“Do you want some?” you asked and he nodded. As you raised the fork up to his lips, he said, “I can feed myself, thank you very much.”

“Mr. Snarky Strange is back, that means I get to eat this slice,” you popped the chocolate goodness into your mouth and hummed. Stephen scowled at you and rolled his eyes.

You raised a forkful of cake once again, tempting him to eat it. This time, he gave in and his scowl was quickly wiped as his face relaxed into satisfaction.

“What was that?” he inquired, pointing at the cake.

“Devil’s Food cake,” you smiled, seeing how he enjoyed it.

“You fed me cake,” he said, his voice dark.

“I just did,” you giggled. “Couples feed each other, don’t they?” you said with a brow raised as if to challenge him.

“Yes they do, but married couples feed each other cake,”

“So? I think couples who aren’t married can feed each other cake. Besides, we’re literally a married couple,” you shrugged. He looked at you in horror and you laughed at his reaction.

“We are not!” he said.

“We so are!”

“We’re not a married couple,”

“Yes we are, Stephen. Can you even hear yourself? The way you bicker with me, we sound like a married couple,” you joked further.

“We’re not even a real couple, Diana.”

Funny how six little words could hurt you. Why were you even feeling hurt? He has a point, you’re not even dating him for real. You were only his date for tonight, your rational self argued.

“As you like to remind me.” you said to him straight in the eye before looking away, hoping to hide the rising yet silent anger in you.

Lucky for you, Dr. Nielsen stepped in before the tension could mount further. If the doctor didn’t come near, you would’ve left the table and the party altogether. Once again walking out on Stephen. A part of you screamed he deserves it, he was being mean to you and hurting you. Yet another part of you silently begged to stay, at least consider what he’s going through and hear him out.

You chose to stay.

“I’d like to have the next dance with you, Diana,” Dr. Nielsen smoothly said as he stood in front of you. Without any hesitations, you rose from your seat, not looking back at Stephen.

The doctor did look at Stephen, as if to ask for permission. Stephen acquiesced and you heard him say, “Show her a good time, Niel. I’m saving the last dance for her.”

Dr. Niel, he begged you to call him just ‘Niel’, did good on his word. He spun you around as the band hyped up the jazz. He helped you return to your seat as your cheeks glowed red.

“Hope you get your breath back,” Stephen said as you sat back in your seat. You nodded at him and excused yourself to get a drink. But he beat you to it, quickly rising from his seat. “No, stay there, put your feet up, I’ll get you the drink,” he swiftly said and shot you a smile.

When Stephen got back, your eyes slowly blinked, prompting him to ask, “Tired? Do you want to leave now?”

“No! Not yet anyway, and you promised me a dance,”

“I did, didn’t I?” he chuckled. When you finished your drink, he helped you up and led you back into the dancefloor, right under the sparkling chandeliers.

His hand reached out to draw you close, snaking around your waist. Your hands slid up to his arm, finally stopping on his broad shoulder. Holding hands, you two swayed along to a ballad.

“Diana, I—” Stephen started, but the words tripped on his throat once again. He needs to get checked out, he can’t seem to finish his sentences when he’s with you, especially when you’re close to him.

But he thought no doctor would ever diagnose him of any kind of disease. Because love isn’t.

“Stephen?”

“Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?” he asked, the words spilling out of his lips.

“No, you didn’t, and just tonight?” you jibed and he graced you with a chuckle. “Thank you, Stephen. And you don’t look so bad yourself,” you smiled, and he did the same.

He looks a hundred times more beautiful when he smiles, you thought.

When the song ended, you both agreed that it’s best to leave the riff raff. It was nearing midnight anyway and you have classes tomorrow. Silence fell between you but it was broken when Stephen suddenly spoke up as you fixed your seatbelt around you.

“I’m sorry,” he said. You turned and gazed at him as you held your breath in anticipation. “Stephen, it’s okay,” you exhaled.

“No, it’s not.”

“Stephen, I understand—”

“I was mean to you and it’s not okay that you just understand that,” he turned to you, his hand gripping the wheel.

“You don’t need to tell me, it’s fine,” you said.

His hand left the wheel, reaching out, but his insecurity got the best of him and instead, his hand landed on the gear shift. You sensed his struggle, just like how he sensed yours early in the evening, and gently touched his hand. Lightly planting the palm of your hand on top of his hand.

“Tell me you accept my apology,” he said, and your gazes met.

“I do, Stephen. Apology accepted.” you replied.

You sucked in a breath as you felt him shift his hand. Intertwining your fingers together. He squeezed it gently, softly pushing his palm to yours. He let go at some point to finally steer the car to drive you both home. He woke you up when he parked the car by the street, softly calling out your name. He insisted he open your door and help you up the few steps leading to your apartment.You said your ‘goodnights’ by your apartment’s main door, slightly leaning into each other as if a simple goodnight couldn’t suffice.

“Goodnight,” you whispered for the third time, still failing to leave him.

“Goodnight, Di. Now please get in.” he jokingly ordered, a smirk painted on his lips. You laughed, finally letting yourself in and finally admitting to yourself how badly you wanted to kiss him goodnight.

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