#(and he IS to an extent) but also he ISNT because again he is dying-he knows hes dying you cant extract that from his character | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sleepingpopplio · 9 months

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Toga and her happy ending

I think after taking some time to process the latest chapter I can finally verbalize what feels wrong about it. First, I think it’s really good to be hopeful that Toga isnt dead, but I also feel like a lot of the fandom right now is trying to not think about Toga being dead because if she truly is then they might end up like how I’m feeling. So, let’s just say hypothetically she is like truly, really dead without a shadow of doubt.

Now, The first Issue I see with this writing is that it arguably goes against the themes of the story. In order to make a better society, our heroes need to be able to win AND save (hehe Bakugo and Deku at the core of the story once again). Otherwise, saving the league would feel hollow. So, Ochako DID win the fight between her and Toga by talking toga down from the edge and bringing out the goodness in her. But did she save her?

I would argue no.

Toga may be able to go out “her way”, but she still ends up dying before taking any further steps to heal and find her place as her authentic self within society. Ochako thinks she has a cute smile, but will everyone else? We are stripped of the negotiation process to get Toga the proper help she needs instead of throwing her in jail. We are deprived of Ochako standing up for her and helping her finally be the happy schoolgirl Toga always wanted to be, without the mask this time. We, the audience, are denied of seeing toga take accountability for her actions. Therefore, while Ochako may have saved Toga on a one-to-one level, and she still deserves credit for that btw, Toga ultimately died without witnessing society as a whole changing for the better. She was not saved— She was only helped… and is that a satisfying conclusion after years of buildup? After all the work to make Ochako come to value winning AND saving of everyone? Is that satisfying?

The fact that so many people refuse to believe Toga is dead points to this.

One more thing I would want to add here is a comparison to another member of the lead, someone that I have seen a lot of members of the fandom fight back against the notion that they should die. That character is Tomura Shigaraki. I’ve seen people say that Tomura should die in a sacrificial way in order to redeem himself, but then in response many fans push back and speak about how that wouldn’t solve any of Shigaraki’s problems and instead it would only leave shigaraki in a state of limbo in terms of reaching a satisfying and logical conclusion for him. Deku wouldn’t have achieved his goal to the fullest extent, society wouldn’t get to accept Tomura and show that even he is design of forgiveness after what he was put through, and we wouldn’t get to see how a reformed hero society would handle the league of villains moving forward. Sound familiar? My point in bringing this up is to show that it seemingly doesn’t make sense how you can argue how one villain should survive while the other should die because either way the death of one villain, even if it’s a heroic sacrifice, is still an incomplete rescue. It’s still an incomplete narrative, as it had framed itself to be a hopeful one, despite all the dark aspects. So, let’s just keep that in mind.

My next point is going to be a heavy one, so buckle up. Let’s keep going with the hypothetical of Toga being really, truly dead, ok? Toga being dead has so many implications and undertones. You can make an argument for, if she is the only league member that dies, how she is written in an upsetting way as both the only woman and canonically queer member of the league. Furthermore, the ‘Bury Your Gays’ trope is defined by killing off LGBTQ characters at an alarmingly higher rate than their heterosexual peers, and their death is usually because they entered some sort of queer relationship, or if someone has to die it might as well be the queer one. Am I saying that Horikoshi has malicious intent and hates queer people in stories? ABSOLUTELY NOT. DO NOT GO AND HARASS THE MAN BECAUSE IT ACCOMPLISHES NOTHING. But, there could be some internal bias because of Japanese society as a whole’s view of queer people. There also could be some push from editors to kill the queer character for this exact reason. Of course, this is all speculation and it’s not ok to jump to conclusions and assume the worst of writers. But Toga meant something to people. She meant something to queer people. If the reformed hero society could accept Toga for who she is, then wouldn’t that include her queerness? In a world where homophobia is increasing again at an alarming rate, kids need to see that being queer doesn’t mean that they have to be the “villain” in society’s eyes. Queer people deserve saving. But as my previous point discussed, Toga was not fully saved. Queer kids reading the manga will not get to see how Toga could find her sense of belonging in society while still living her truth. The queer subtext behind her relationship with Ochako will end in of of their deaths. Therefore, as someone with experience with living in a homophobic household and having to hide themselves, this does not feel like a happy ending.

Furthermore, I’m going to make another comparison just like I did in my previous point. But this time, I’m going to use a character from a different franchise that also involves superhero’s and is a heavy inspiration for Horikoshi’s writing. That character is Black Widow from the MCU. She was a beloved character, but often underutilized by the writers. The only female member of the avengers, Black Widow was often sexualized and used as the object of desire out of the bunch. She was badass, but always tied to her male counterparts. She was not allowed to exist without the other male avengers around. This was the pattern of her character writing for many years, up until Avengers: Endgame premiered. When that movie came out, Blackwidow played a key role… that role was to sacrifice herself. She did this so that her best friend, Hawkeye, wouldn’t have to sacrifice himself instead. He didn’t want her to sacrifice herself. He was fine with dying and tried to stop her. But despite his efforts, Blackwidow still sacrificed herself and died. This happened before she could get her own movie, and specifically before she could confront her past trauma and heal from it. She went out her way on her terms, but the audience still lost the vital piece of representation that she gave to the avengers and still suffered from never seeing Blackwidow’s character get to heal and overcome her pain. Does all of this once again sound familiar? Women often are the first to get hurt or die out of their hero or villain groups in the superhero genre. One good thing about Toga, however, is that she died alongside another female companion. A well written relationship between two women was front in center, instead of one between a man and woman. Despite that, however, Toga was often used as the sexualized member of the league and tended to revolve around Izuku a lot, just like Blackwidow. That is why it was amazing to see her bond with Ochako, and then devastating to have that taken away without letting the audience witness Toga’s complete healing.

Therefore, dying “your own way”, is only empowering if the female character had already had time to complete their character arc and heal their trauma in the same way that their male peers were allowed. Otherwise, it feels fake.

This chapter was overall amazingly well written. I enjoyed it a lot. Honestly, I enjoy MHA as a whole a lot!!! I’ve hyper-fixated on this story and tis characters a lot, and have a lot of faith in Horikoshi as a writer. I have no doubt that he’ll do a great job writing the other characters in this final arc give the audience a satisfying conclusion. I also hope that I’m proven wrong and somehow Toga ends up ok.

But the ending reminded me of how far writing has to go in order to accurately portray the female and queer experience, and to give such characters hopeful endings like everyone else. Toga deserves to find acceptance. She deserves to find love from society as a whole, not just Ochako.

Toga Himiko deserves a happy ending. Queer women deserve happy endings too.

Sorry to be a downer, everyone. If you want a more hopeful meta for this chapter, then please go check out @pikahlua’s blog because their meta on this chapter was spectacular and mind blowing.

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will80sbyers · 1 year

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I agree with everything you said regarding bi!Mike and oblivious&confused!Mike, and I would like to make an addition:

Controversial opinion, but I dont think Mike's gonna get Vecna'd. It just doesnt make sense to me for number of reasons, first it being that the writers wouldnt use the same Vecna'ing/trancing thing at this point as it would be cheap now bc they used it in S4 already and they wouldnt want to use it again. Second, I dont think Mike realizes the extent of his feelings yet anyway, so it doesnt make sense to me why the villain would curse Mike to 'out him' like that. I think Mike's just gonna realize it by himself in a natural way, not by getting outed by the villain.

I think if anyone is necessarily getting Vecna'd, it's mostly gonna be Will because of narrative reasons 1- He is literally connected to Vecna, that reason alone makes him the likely target, Vecna would probably want to break Will's will to stop him from spying on him.

2- People can argue that both Mike and Will can get Vecna'd but i just dont think so.... as I've already said that the writers wouldnt want to use the 'Vecna'ing' thing again, and if someone is necessarily getting Vecna'd it makes more sense for Will to get Vecna'd for variety of reasons. But I can see Mike 'dying' in a way. But that also doesnt make sense to me because whenever the writers pull a 'fake death' or 'dying for real' situation, it happens when they make the audience like a character. Objectively speaking, Mike isnt that liked by the audience now. So it doesnt make sense to me why the writers would pull something like that with Mike's character. Them pulling a fake death or actual death situation with Steve or Jonathan is more likely to happen bc the writers made the audience love Steve, so it makes sense for them to pull something like that now. When Eddie, Max etc died it made sense because the audience actually liked and cared for those characters. If we're being honest.... Mike doesnt have that range now, most of the audience is either neutral to him or dislike him.

yeah unfortunately I agree, I would love Mike to get Vecnad and have a super angsty and emotional scene but I don't know...

I'm not sure it will happen or if it happens I think it will be a situation where everyone gets visions from Vecna at the same time and he is being tormented by Vecna showing him that nobody needs him and everybody thinks he's not important...

I don't think it's going to be necessarily about his sexuality, I think if Will gets Vecnad it's going to be about his sexuality and how Mike doesn't love him because they started that storyline of Will not believing that he's going to be loved romantically so it would make sense to make a climax with Vecna saying that to him...

I also think it's possible that Dustin and Lucas get visions too, Dustin about Eddie's death and Lucas about Max's death!

But I don't think it's going to be the same Vecnad scenario we saw where they are floating in the air, I think he's just making them see their deepest fears to fight them... maybe if they go to the upside down together as a team! I could see that happening...

I think that Mike almost dying would make sense but I also think the best way to go would be killing Jonathan before the time skip and then hurting Mike in the finale but not killing him, Mike being saved by Will is something that I would adore to see personally 💕

but who knows, we will see what the writers decide to do, it could go in so many different ways!

I also like the theory about Mike being kidnapped in the last season but I wouldn't want Mike and Will to be separated again 😭

I don't necessarily agree with the range part tho because I think Finn can pull it off and I think the audience can change their minds and like Mike again when they see inside his mind again after two seasons of him being a bit put aside for prioritizing other characters!

#byler #mike wheeler #will byers #ask

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prettyboykatsuki · 9 months

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I don’t thing Toga is dead or Bkg. I think that they’re going to have this whole drawn out thing where OFA transfers to everyone (like the bkdk in heroes rising ((i think it’s heroes rising))) Anyway I think it’ll be like a redemption thing for everyone where they all like team up like when Izuku in the opening says ‘This is the story of how I became the greatest hero’ or wtv idk it’s something along those lines. Anyway. I think it’s about all of them coming together as one hero (sort of) but also I’m probably wrong bc I tend to over analyze (autism) idk if this is relevant to anything you are discussing so sorry. I am wading into the waters to perish goodbye

i agree with this to an extent actually... tho idk if everyone will receive it i do have some confidence that bakugou will receive or become apart of it(thinking about that Vague Ass Quote from hori always) since the movies became canonized i will once again be very surprised if him taking the mantle of ofa with izuku is not integral to the final arc. plus it alligns completely w bkgs character that he ends up once again being the very symbol of victory but i digress

to me theres no instance in which deku takes on the last fight on his own in the first place so i can see everyone becoming part of ofa and working together. kind of like the ending of naruto in that sense lmao. it will likely be all of class 1a putting everything they've got towards it (once theyve all finished their individual arcs) and then bkg saving deku for the first time or deku saving him one last time so ofa becoming apart of that equation isnt actually that far fetched to me. that being said im unsure if that means bkgs physical body will live forever. a meta account i rlly enjoy has several theories abt bkg beocming a vestige or part of ofa instead of dying and i can see that very well.

anyway. not abt bkg rn kjdfbjkd. but i dont think u are overanalyzing. i keep saying bnha is predictable and i really do think it is but i dont mean that negatively at all. many of the major choices it makes completely align within the stories logic so if anything can be predicted it can be possible as well. this doesn't feel all that far fetched to me esp given the name of the quirk is literally One For All LMAO. it would honestly make less sense for only izuku to have it? and it's a quirk thats strength compounds based on how many peoples powers it touches. like i dont think thats actually that far off fkdjk.

i cant say for sure tho!! i suck at theory crafting because my brain does not follow story logic super well. im good at character analysis ONLY. but i can see it at the very least which means its v possible.

#return to sender #i change my mind on how the final arc will play out every single time we get another chapter #hori can be so 50/50 with how he ties loose ends up but hes been surprising me a lot lately #im in a parasocial relationship with that man atp #bnha manga spoilers #bnha manga leaks #fang.meta

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toontowncreepypasta · 1 year

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Miles Upshur headcanons because ive been real autistic since outlast went on sale on the switch

heres just a huge dump of all my miles headcanons and interpretations im sorry it’s so fucking much ive been obsessed with this fag since i was like 13

I think Miles grew up pretty poor, his father in the military and his mother was a stay at home mom who struggled with drug addiction. he had four other sisters with him being the oldest. He ended up raising most of them, the third sister being nonverbal autistic. He was responsible at home but not really anywhere else. He also didn’t get along with his mom very well. He left the house the moment he turned 18 and didn’t look back. He’s transmasc and gay, i can’t see him being into women im sorry. hes like the only horror protagonist i can think og that isnt like oh my gof.ds...... oh my god boobs....

I think a lot of Miles very strong core values come from how he was raised and that mostly pushed him into journalism and needing to shine a light on things. i also think he was in a band when he was in highschool, and still plays guitar pretty frequently (or well, heh, did when he had his fingers.) i also think he sold his adderal and any other meds he was put on all through out highschool and college and got in trouble for it a couple times. He was one of those shitty highschool kids who were like way too smart for their own good so they spent all of their time trying to break every rule they could.

Miles and Lynn Langermann became extremely close in college, and Miles and Blake also dated in college for like two months before that imploded on itself and they never spoke to eachother again.

He’s an aries, he has ADHD and c-PTSD (and you know, now regular PTSD) and is a HORRIBLE chain smoker like it’s really fucking bad. he’s jewish. He is EXTREMELY drawn to anything dangerous or mysterious like it’s a problem he has almost no survival instincts. He is an animal to his own emotions and desires and it’s a problem, if he gets scared of something he chases after it, he doesn’t back down, he’s insanely stubborn, he’s quick to anger. But I will say he is pretty good about assessing situations, he’s lived off blind luck his entire life because he is GOOD at what he does. he always acts like he knows what he’s doing and shit usually ends up in his favor so it’s hard not to believe him. He is unaware of how mentally unwell he is, mostly because he has a habit of repressing pretty much anything traumatic that happens to him. Puts it in a little vault and keeps trudging on.

He’s anti authority and has a hard time taking orders or directions, even just from people he loves/respects. He resents any kind of restraint put on him. Miles biggest fear is death, him dying, specifically. He is scared to die before he’s ready. His second biggest fear is being forgotten/ignored. He’s somewhat of an attention whore, negative, positive, he likes to act out or preform or be wild and “out there” and have everyones eyes on him. he wants to be THE guy. no matter what hes doing he’s doing it with a hypothetical audience. That’s specifically something he struggles to drop at any time, its hard for him to be intimate with people or slow down because of it. he isn’t a narcissist though, it isn’t to an extreme extent. it’s just enough to be noticable in times of crisis. Despite all of these, Miles biggest and most dominante traits are his empathy, passion and his fixation on justice. he’s a good person all around, even if he’s a bit of trouble. he rarely if ever has ill intents to anyone who isn’t a dangerous person, and even then, he can find himself sympathizing and understanding almost anyone if given enough time.

he’s pretty fashionable but... doesn’t utilize it what so ever. he dresses like a very stereotypical binary trans masc, with a bit of occasional gothic/southern flair. he’s no stranger to eyeliner. before his transition he was very similar but in a “feminized” way, think those white southern punk girls with the chunky blonde/black streaks and bedazzled black ripped tanktops and flannels. He just went from one end of the spectrum to the other.

#miles upshur #this is so much and its so rambly excuse me

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wizisbored · 2 years

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head empty, looking for good funky bj distraction, tell me things abt new au

content warning: child abuse

im not sure where juno lives, but lydia lives there too. she has her own bedroom, where shes either locked in or cuffed to her bed every night. shes forced to eat meals with her captor, which is always tense.

juno (and to a lesser extent, otho) have made a number of threats to stop lydia from trying to escape. aside from the fact that she'll be (and has been) severely punished if she's caught trying, theres what theyve told her will happen if she manages it and tells anyone who she is, or if anyone finds out. she'd be in trouble from both worlds: breathers would want to know how shes alive when her body was found three years ago and would never leave her alone, and netherworld officials would hound her because the situation could lead to discovery of life after death.

sometimes juno comes with otho and lydia on jobs, sometimes she doesnt. occasionally they'll have to travel overnight to jobs if theyre paying enough, which lydia hates since shes forced to share a room with whoever she's with. her initial capture is one such job, since charles had told them lydia was seeing ghosts and so they went out of their way for a potential medium. lydia had her hair dyed for the first time the same day she was kidnapped, tied to a chair in a motel bathroom. on jobs, they make her use the name sophie, and claim shes juno's great neice.

otho has never hurt lydia, in fact he doesnt do much to punish her at all. but what he does do - and lydia knows this - is tell juno when she disobeys him. and juno will slap her, or burn her with cigarettes, or send her to bed hungry. sometimes, when shes particularly angry, juno will lock lydia in wherever it is she keeps her ghost prisoners - beetlejuice isn't the only one. a lot of them hold the same grudge against lydia that he did originally, and so shutting her in with them means shes going to be yelled at by a lot of angry ghosts for something she didnt want to do.

lydia starts talking to beetlejuice because he isnt put with the other ghosts, and that makes her curious. juno and otho won't tell her why hes seperate, and beetlejuice just says he and juno have a history. they dont like each other at first but bickering with him is something to do, and lydia also likes being able to yell at someone who cant punish her or get her punished - that is, until juno gets tired of the noise. a few times she even shakes the jar or kicks it around, partially because he's been blaming her for his capture again, and partially just because she can.

i want to bring the maitlands into this somehow. theyre there at the very start, of course, theyre the reason charles called otho and juno. maybe theyre eventaully called back by new owners. they probably wouldnt take lydia, just in case. maybe theyre caught and lydia braves the other ghost prisoners to find them, idk.

and to come back to the ghost prisoners - like beetlejuice they're jarred, and have been forced to take a small form. but they only have one, and didnt choose it. im thinking the maitlands might be tiny baby-size rabbits, or mice.

#ok gonna think of a tag for this now uhh #ghost jars au #yeah thatll do

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single-malt-scotch · 2 years

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accepting i like blogging a typing a lot so, perhaps ill loosely 'live blog' my thoughts on various mcyt things im trying to watch. im basically just jumping on a lot of random guys i have never seen before bc i dont really know what i like at this point lol

hermitcraft s9 & s8 - after watching the Life series i thought ya know, ill watch the new HC to see whats up. etho wasnt playing s9 yet so i watched bdubs s9 and kinda liked it (tho i find myself to be less into his style of commentating now). i decided to try watching Grian s9 as well since i didnt mind what i saw of him either. his buildings are cool and s9 being new, its made me realize they hadnt really had a chance to do all the... rping stuff ive seen implied about season 8 (but again idk how much is exaggerated by fandom there so).

but having caught up on s9 i wanted to watch, i decided to go backwards. im kinda jumping around perspectives aaand it made me realize. while i really dont care about the rping they apparently often fall into during the newer seasons... i loooove the beginning. like, the start of s9 throwing everyone in blind, starting from scratch, scrambling to figure out what to do. thats fun. idk, i just loved the energy of the start of s9! and s8 too. and i think thats also where i love the proxy mod, i like the proxy when its there but not like... always constant, and having it for the first episode/beginning is a nice reminder of everyone's energy and vibes. like youre meeting everyone for the first time again. and i think the reset of a server and needing to start over is the most pure form of fun all of them have with each other.

so while i may keep up w s9 for a bit i feel i may fall off it unless etho continues and is consistent... and i may just slowly work my way backwards until i hit a season that isnt as full of rp as these more recent ones. s8 is also one i bet ill fall out of too tbh but i will keep jumping around episodes too.

hermitcraft s6 - since i didnt mind grian all too much, i wanted to see what he was like when he first joined. also because, etho and bdubs have been around SO much longer, i felt intimidated trying to start from their beginnings... and with s6 being grian's first, i felt maybe itd be less abt the rp stuff because hes newer and all. im about 20 eps in and i like it. theres a little bit of that 'i dont know everyone super well' awkwardness to some extent lol but i find him amusing at times. i wouldnt say grian is a fave of mine, but surprisingly i dont mind him even if he has more energy than who i typically prefer lol. idk how much i will keep up with his series though but its been good seeing what hes like.

Additionally with his interactions with others- i have certainly enjoyed scar and impulse but i dont think i have the energy to watch them fully. in any other case i thought id find scar 'annoying' with his um. well, constant dying and lack of awareness. but hes got such a good personality, and is legitimately funny alongside it and others. seeing him in small doses with grian is nice and i like him quite a bit tbh!

other things - while i watched the Life series i enjoyed some others' povs a bit. i like scott and joel, and wanted to see if i would enjoy their other stuff. i do like scott, but i have yet to watch a series of his i was super into... admittedly the first thing i jumped into with both of them was After Life, and while i think the mods are neat, i just couldnt stay hooked. i already kinda said why in the tags of my last post so i wont really repeat. i know they have a few other series but Empires didnt intrigue me either so! idk. may just have to be the Life series for these two.

i want to give some others a try, so if anyone Old School out there kinda leans on 'less rp more casual fun' and has some people theyd reccomend watching... lemme know!

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re-ikrmso · 24 days

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another pikepasta ramble..my take of glitchy red prepare for hot tales but first to clear thjngs up… for my interpretation:

i assume protag is not the first to see GR/meet GR

gr’s experiences werent always bad but they mostly werent good for him. the players that attempted to comfort him either made him feel worse or was quickly overshadowed by another

past players attempt to project an idea onto gr so much (the idea that he killed blue’s raticate and yes this is relavant etc)

something that pisses me off about the og Glitchy red is how the player is like “wow i guess i learnt a lesson (what)” and that Gr keeps blaming player for shit like “letting” blue’s raticate die. so heres my take

by the time the documented version of GR comes around, this isnt his first time. but it happesn to be his breaking point of anger and he takes it out on the player. EXCEPT (cause my version ohohoho) the player is like. “man idgaf what is your problem lol”

Gr wants to be taken seriois but thier player just. doesnt. they think its a fun game, seeing how much they can rile up GR by doing nothing. they want to also keep trying to speedrun pokemon red so they also attempt to just beat thier times for fun. when that doesnt work they get pissy and start exploring the fucked up region with GR complaining to at least compensate for thier speedrun gone wrong.

there is no lesson to be learnt. because all GR is doing is taking out past players’ actions onto him. hes having an existital crisis, the biggest one yet and. he blames the current player for it. he “plays” along with the embedded idea that HE killed blue’s raticate but also that it was the player’s fault for insisting he did so (except speedrunner is confused then pissed because he had made an active effort to try and save it and GR refused)

eventually it all comes to ahead when GRasks if he’s a joke to the speedsrunner.

then speedrunner laughs. he laughs and lausghs and laughs and it made GR scared. and then no matter what he said—it wasnt what GR wanted to hear. there was no guilt behind it. it was like a friend punching back or a mocking sarcastic tone. that “No” rang hollow not because GR deemed it so. it rang hollow because it lacked the substance GR wanted to hear. (speedrunner doesnt feel that guilty but gr isnt a “joke” hes amusing but more interesting than anything else. hes gotten in the way of his fun. hes like a rival or someone hes gotta piss off.)

or. speedrunner said “yes”. just to piss GR off (not knowing the full extent of emotions behind that question)

either way no matter what happened, Gr. couldn’t be taken completely seriously by speedrunner. Gr’s lost on what to do. hes dismayed when forcing speedrunner to stay up and do nothing up stare has him laugh and enthusiastically chug energy drinks just to humor GR. GR expected an apathetic but guilty player. he both wanted to see an player who didnt care about anything to take out his anger on and a guilt-ridden persom so he could rub in thier actions.

but speedrunner is neither and he denies GR what he wants. because he doesnt care , not anymore because to him. all of gr’s criticism comes from projection of past players and not his own actions (some of it isnt projection but. he doesnt care)

and eventually. as Gr is “dying”, going back to the background behind the code

speedrunner is too invested and interested in this entity to just ket it dossapear. and he has his own theory anyways. Missingno is summoned ahain.

and that’s how GR was dragged back out after his “death”, horrified to see that same player again.

#pokepasta ramble #my version of glitchy red

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makiema · 3 years

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finally finished writing about how much stormbringer enhances the skk dynamic which was at a nascent stage in Fifteen and anticipates the developments which happen later and culminate in Dead Apple where the faith they have in each other is absolutely remarkable! the fact that i said i’d do this in a few hours yesterday but it took me like 24 hrs to finish i have an attention span of a whole 2 minutes 💀

my favorite thing about stormbringer is that it actually builds up on the concepts/themes introduced in Fifteen so it's a glimpse into what has changed in dazai and dazai & dhuuya after one year of being together. As much as it's about chuuya confronting his past and his identity this is also about dazai’s development from who he was in fifteen. chuuya and rimbaud both left their marks on dazai and in Stormbringer we see him, actually trying to emulate or follow in a sense a way of life, that chuuya and rimbaud represented. Stormbringer is not just about chuuya, abt his test of humanity, or he coming in terms with who or what he is. it's about dazai too. it's about dazai developing or at least attempting to develop what he calls “boyish”/ “ordinary” in Fifteen. its not about chuya having an identity crisis. in fact what we understand from Code 04's last section is that chuuya never considered it as his crisis and neither did dazai. so to dazai “saving chuuya is important, human or not doesn't matter” and when dazai gives chuuya time to think abt what the operation will cost him chuuya doesnt so much as flinch form his purpose. This goes on to show unlike verlaine he doesnt care about memory and certainly doesnt consider it as the only determinant of someone being human. He cares more abt yokohama and his friends and in that, in caring abt his “family”, he is just as human as the next person. whether he’s factually human or not comes secondary to his desire to save people. This is a message that the quality of being human has more to do with embodying human qualities or humanity than having memories and lineage. so yeah stormbringer is essentially about embracing humanity but this happens on 2 levels: both chuuya and dazai embrace humanity. Going back to the boyish or ordinary bit, im talking abt this segment:

here dazai is shocked because he assumed everyone “gangsta” and everyone crazy powerful delighted in homicide, in deliberately indulging in the macabre. but he is proved wrong. He logically concluded that anyone with power more than average and belonging to the underground would kill people and delight in that because it’s a given they lack any kind of moral understanding. To that end, they’d be exalted at the prospect of relentlessly shooting a dead body, mutilating it and dishonoring it. The mafia code (any general mafia code) works in a way where honor and death goes hand in hand. So only the lowest of the low would do that to a dying person, who even when faced with certain death is loyal to his own organisation. This really shows that even within the mafia dazai is the only person whos like the devil incarnate. So yeah dazai at this sate far lower than even a mafia member. But chuuya who actually embodiess the mafia code and is incredibly loyal to his organisation and “family” [ putting family in quotes bc he himself calls his friends family 🥺] ofc kicks the gun away. From dazai’s pov chuuya being as insanely powerful as he is should also do the same. But chuuya comes along and suggests that even enemies should be shown respect where it’s due. And that is what an ordinary person, oblivious to mafia life (mafia life as in waht dazai makes of it) thinks. So in undermining the binary between “ordinary” and “mafia” chuuya proves that being mafia doesnt necessarily mean selling your soul to the devil and giving up the last smidge of humanity. In fact by embodying qualities like compassion and kindness and mutual respect, you can make the mafia a better place for yourself and for the other members. Now in Stormbringer, we see how this affected dazai. here dazai is introduced as someone mercilessly killing to set up the channel.

Now to expand the channel one would need to keep doing it right? To mercilessly kill ppl and stuff but instead what he does is hand the channel over to chuuya bc he knows chuuya wouldnt handle it like him. im not suggesting that dazai miraculously becomes v good or anything with dazai the key words is “try” or “to some extent” like in Fifteen when Chuuya asks “do u wanna live” he’s like “ not to that extent”. similarly its not to say he doesnt kill people anymore. it is that he tries to lessen the number of casualties by handing over one of the most troublesome channels to chuuya who would manage it in a much more humane way. That dazai draws from his friends/at least tries to is smth we’ll see again later on when he deals with akutagawa. He talks about odasaku and ofc its baffling to him that a mafia member as powerful as him would be taking acre of orphans. and dazai says but he cant afford to be that kind and proceeds to shoot akutagswa but again does so in a calculated way such that he doesnt end up killing him ( im NOT justifying dazai’s abuse not at all im just saying that its hard to believe he coincidentally knew the exact no of bullets that aku could block. and had odasaku’s words and his way of life not been in the back of his mind he could’ve ended up killing aku) coming back to chuuya and dazai we also see him avoiding further conversation on the jewelry channel thing as he says “leave that for now”. He does a similar thing again when mori brings up the concept of double suiciding with chuuya.

Its a HUGE thing for him to digest that him suiciding would inevitably spell the doom for chuuya. this puts an unimaginable responsibility on him. And he avoids further discussion on this. Now we know dazai is the rambly type. Even in the most dire moments he goe son with his LOONG monologues so really he is the last person who’d avoid a conversation but he deliberately does it in these 2 instances because its hard for him to grasp these things. That he can go against his nature and do a conscientious thing by handing over one of the most grisly channels to chuuya (i dont think dazai’s nature is evil. Or even if it is, its a a social construct keeping in mind the war ravaged times or its mori’s construct because he does exploit dazai to the hilt. but dazai ofc thinks of himself as non-human, devious. perfectly devilish...etc.) And also the fact that someone as suicidal as him is actually responsible for the life of someone else is really too much to take in. a whole 10 seconds pause indicates just how much he was thrown off when mori opened his eyes to the reality of things: if he dies, chuuya inexorably dies as a consequence. also i dont think the “wow” here or the next bit :

is something jokey. if it was like haha double suicide with chuuya is the worst haha wanna do it w pretty lady kind of a deal. that pause would have been unnecessary. dazai’s immediate reaction would’ve been whining and shit. the use of “froze” too implies the gravity of the situation. so ofc what is “wow” is how much meaning his life has for someone else. and for some so much....better than him. and what is unacceptable is this sad, sad truth that his life (to which he ascribes no value) would be so inextricably linked with someone else’s and hold so much meaning to them. it is like when a suicidal person at the brink of suicide understanding his life is not his own. his life and death holds consequences for ppl surrounding him. so both of these are huge things to grasp and at both these times dazai is visibly shaken up so much so that he doesnt want to do his favorite thing- ramble in a condescending tone. smth he does in so many instances. this really is a testimony to the fact that things are changing in him. the redemption process has begun. he’s no longer the kind of maniac he was before he encountered chuuya. when zuko underwent his transition in atla he was so shaken up after one (1) right decision he had a fever. i think this is true for anyone who’s trying to change. change is after all a huge thing for everyone. ofc he’ll be unsettled. so anyways this is proof that he has indeed come a long way from being someone who revelled at the prospect of meaningless bloodshed.

now coming to the concept of love he assumes he’d get sick of love and die:

and that death is the singular goal worth chasing after because it makes you feel more alive/get a fuller picture of what living entails. but here he is erring by supposing love is something that’ll bore him/have no meaning. and it cant provide him that “something” he’s looking for. at this point he hasn’t loved so he doesnt know whether he’ll be sick of it or if it'll have no impact. And yet he’s morose and regretful. this is a kind of self-imposed constraint hes putting on himself. he cancels out the v idea of love because hes convinced it isnt worth it. he hasnt even been in love okay scratch being in love that sounds romantic and i really dont mean love in a romantic sense here...its just love. in general. any form is cool. anyway so dazai is not familiar with any kind of love. He is entirely alien to the concept. he doesnt even know what a friend/partner is so he doesnt know what love is. this is cleared out here when rimbaud confesses he did everything for paul and dazai is unconvinced:

chuuya ofc admonishes him and shuts him up for good, he says dazai has no right lookind down upon smth he doesnt understand. he doesnt understand friendship, love. or loyalty. or how important those feelings are at this point. now this situation is turned on its head in stormbringer. but before we go into that let’s look at the message rimbaud had for both of them. ik he specifically asks for chuuya to “live” but there’s purpose behind including both of them in the frame. it’s a message they should both take to heart. and at the end of it its implied both are changed after hearing it:

and in this message the first bit is for chuuya. what he says is basically memory doesn’t make u human... ”you are you” just a frame or not doesnt matter. and even if hes just a frame, he is still beautiful. beauty actually is a v important concept in literature starting right from Plato to Shakespeare. i’d not bring this here but because bsd is so deeply rooted in literature i feel like the reference to beauty, and later on to soul and even warmth and also the universal tone of this message carries some meaning. so the thing is both Plato and Shakespeare were endorsed the idea of love as a force awakened in the world by beauty which then leads the soul to perfection. so humans and by extension, all life are beautiful frames that can inspire love. this concept is also there in Romantic poetry like Keats and Wordsworth all of them talked about loving beauty in nature and how that can elevate the body mind and soul. so essentially in telling this to chuuya what ehe basically means is that chuuya just by being him, by being a beautiful framework can inspire love and warmth in others and thats a great purpose! how much chuuya understands of this purpose with his one (1) braincell and his low self esteem is questionable but he gets some sense of belonging. now this is a two way relationship so ofc dazai has to be factored in. he comes in the next part:

these are from 2 different translation so the disparity im sorry ;-; but anyway, this last part abt the world being a cold place. then paul. then “warmth” is a message to dazai who’s been introduced to us as cold-hearted and having like no bearings of a human being. this is the reason why its important for both o f them to be there. now going back to chuuya being a beautiful framework, the framework can be beautiful in so far as its beauty is appreciate by someone and inspires warmth and love in someone. this again is the whole beauty/beholder nature/the romantic concept that is there in shakespeare and in Romantic poetry where both are a part of a codependent relationship. so what rimbaud implies here is that dazai can have that kind of a relationship with another person (chuuya) just like rimbaud had with paul which makes him warm and the world doesnt feel cold anymore. rimbaud has no regrets about what he did because. so the idea is that dazai and chuuya can share the same dynamic. also after this, the narrative says that their hearts are now changed and wont return to what they were before....and even their souls are refined in a way. but in Fifteen we dont have a concrete proof of how this happened bc the novel ends at this point. Instead, Stormbringer shows exactly how deep the impact of those words is:

this is the third instance of dazai showing hesitation and once again this has to do with chuuya. the seed of the dynamic that rimbaud was talking about is already germinating in him. his reactions, his fidgeting, his hesitancy, in response to chuuya’s situation is such a big contrast to his cocksure self when he’s conversing with adam and verlaine. after this of course we have:

not only does he clearly express his concern but he gives chuuya 2 whole mins to make a decision and based on that he’s prepared to overturn the operation. the success rate of an alternative plan will ofc be lesser than the og one but that doesnt faze dazai. he’s ready to turn the tide for chuuya’s sake and if this is not development idk what is. just a year ago, he was someone to whom the concept of rimbaud going thru all that trouble for his friend was a lost concept. ironically enough, now he finds himself doing something that is along the same lines. he puts chuuya above his mission. to him, chuuya is more important than getting a satisfactory result. another bit that i wanna talk abt is that one controversial section where dazai says he’ll save chuuya, human or not, and then the justification is:

i think a lot of people got mad bc of this and honestly at first glance i was peeved too. as a chuuya stan some of the shit dazai has done so far did rub me the wrong way. i love skk obv but still those were moments that kind of left a bad taste in the mouth. i’ll discuss them later on bc stormbringer helps allay that feeling. coming back to the “i wanna see chuuya suffer” part firstly context is important. ofc someone like dazai cant be expected to be upfront about his feelings with ppl (or AI) he barely knows. so what be relays to adam, is only partly true and its actually a kind of a twist in concept. the things is, and this is smth dazai knows all too well is that ppl suffer simply on account of being human. human suffering is brought on because humans, by virtue of being humans, feel. so when he says he’s willing to acknowledge chuuya as human despite what N and Verlaine said he’s already admitting that chuuya suffers. so there is really nothing “new” to see for him. he knows chuuya suffers already and he does too because they’re both humans trying to make it thru their messed up lives. also chuuya “ceasing to be human” is a p huge concern for him bc he himself is like that. just like with the suicide thing, it bothers dazai when someone else shares his situation/his fate like as long as his life is his own, he has no problem ending it whenever but the situation is complicated when someone else’s life span is determined by that decision. and similarly, as long as he is “no longer human” its not that much of an issue because he’s like resigned to a doomed fate but someone like chuuya ceasing to be human or worse yet never getting to know if hes human or not are pressing matters. so anyways what he actually means here is that in saving chuuya, he saves someone who suffers just like he does and in their case, even the cause of suffering boils down to a shared psychological conflict: what essentially constitutes being human and if im human or not. now this sharing of pain and suffering is the foundation of forming a connection with someone, which makes life a little better. here again, what rimaud imparted to dazai and chuuya is driven home. also dazai’s key anxiety is not finding meaning/anything. this “anything” can be assumed to be something that justifies life. so all his anxiety and frustration stems from the fact that there really is no discernible meaning to be found in the mechanism of life. so it is an empty pursuit because it is true that nothing can explain why feelings of pain and suffering are exponentially heavier than feelings of happiness or why after getting to experience one (1) free day we’re back to square one where life is grueling. these are questions that really dont have an answer so every time dazai like gazes into the abyss and says he didnt find anything, he is not so much asking if he’ll ever find anything as swallowing the hard truth that there is nothing to be found, no singular entity exists that can magically justify everything. again drawing upon literature or philosophy more specifically, there’s a concept called Absurdism which says the only philosophical truth so to say is this that life is absurd and looking for meaning is futile. instead what we can do is accept that it is absurd and deal with it in the best way possible, by finding little sources and moments of happiness, and strewing them together so we feel somewhat content. even if it is just for a fleeting second. and this happiness/contentment amidst a wretched life (altho temporal) can be found in friendship, in sharing, and even in having fun with people you’re comfortable with! this is actually why dazai wants to save chuuya and now it may seem like im interpreting his words through the shipping lens but thats not so and it can be corroborated by looking into dazai’s words to odasaku. after chuuya, dazai’s next attempt at friendship was odasaku who he found “interesting”. now when odasaku sort of like threw hands and chose death over having to live a life without the orphans, dazai tried to stop him not by saying stuff like life is good. and things will def change for the better. but instead he admits that living is hard and the sense of void is ubiquitous and yet he doesnt want him to up and die because then he would be sad. because the little comfort that he got from odasaku and something he probably assumed odasaku also got from him would be gone. [how much odasaku considered dazai a source of comfort remains unclear. in fact the reason odasaku gave up and died was because he did not have this. this feeling of sharing in someone else’s suffering and seeking comfort in friends in the real world. instead he was too vested in his ideal world. his over reliance on an entirely idealistic concept is actually what pushed him over the edge. and this would have been the case for dazai too had he not encountered and sought comfort and companionship in chuuya and eventually in odasaku ] so this again goes on to show how rimbaud’s words changed dazai’s heart. and in a way dazai really has been doing this unconsciously form the v beginning like by teasing chuuya continually in Fifteen. you dont expect someone as cold as him to indulge in friendly bickering and taunting so often but he does. that there is significance and even happiness in that is something he learns over time, after rimbaud’s words to him. although these things seem futile on the surface they give a moment’s respite. so although chuuya spinning dazai on a rope in stormbringer might seem weird to everyone, they still serve a purpose:

what shirase puts forward is particularly relevant here because neither dazai nor chuuya is fully aware of the extent of their feelings (or even what those feelings are like they dont know what label to put. so typical oblivious lovers) for each other or what they stand to gain just by driving each other nuts but there is something intangible but satisfying to be felt. a kind of contentment that helps him continue. one day at a time. there is no one great “thing” that can make him like wake up one day feeling like he doesnt want to die ever again. but again like i said before, the key word for dazai is “extent” so, these little things to some extent contribute to a sense of fulfilment which helps him keep death at bay. thats why he’s bent on saving chuuya bc he knows they can share in their suffering and make life better for each other. its not like he wants chuuya to suffer. chuuya will suffer nonetheless like every other human. but in suffering together there is something to be found so he doesnt want him to cease being human.

this covers more or less the intertextuality between Stormbringer and Fifteen. i just wanna talk a bit more about a couple other moments in Stormbringer that i feel are p important because they put some things in the series in perspective and also made the dead apple moment 10x more emotional 🥺 one thing that really strikes me is the absolute fanon level of comfort that dazai and chuuya share in Strombringer. its like scenes form k-drama lol.

so yeah this stuff. compare this with dazai’s reaction @atsushi when he drops im not saying that its not just a joke and that what im saying should be the right way to look at this contrast. its not like that at all. but what this does is give an estimate to the readers just how close and comfortable dazai feels when its chuuya. and this plus everything i rambling on abt for so long also gives us an estimate about the sincerity of dazais feelings. now 2 things always bothered me : the fact that dazai actually left chuuya and the fact that after the fight against lovecraft he actualy deserted him (this again can ofc be construed as just a humorous bit but still it did leave a bad taste in my mouth) dazai leaving the mafia is ofc something he had to do to fulfil oda’s dying wish but it still dint sit right with me that he would abandon chuuya. just like oda levaing is harder on dazai, dazai leaving is harder on chuuya. its always harder on the one left behind. so anyway, these sorts of things sometimes made me doubt dazai’s feelings but now that stormbringer clears it all up i do think there is a larger motif at work here. when mori offers dazai to come back to the mafia in s2 we see him saying that it was mori who kicked him out and that he did so because he was afraid dazai would usurp his position. so he set it up in a way that dazai would be forced to leave but on his own accord. now more than usurpation i believe what mori really did fear is that dazai had no allegiance to the mafia (which is actually true) bc he doesnt have that sense of loyalty and that to him his friends were more important than swearing allegiance to mori. (which again is true). so by getting oda killed, the message that mori seemed to be giving out was if dazai didnt leave he would do it again. and if we consider ango’s betrayal which had already transpired at that point, the one mori would next target to sort of get at dazai would inevitably be chuuya. this is only conjecture but still, i do believe this might as well be true because then it would explain why dazai didnt carry chuuya back to the base after their fight [something he was v comfortable doing in Stormbringer. in fact in the first case he carries chuuya back to the billiards bar and not to the mafia’s base so he could hear albatross’ last words 🥺] its because mori needs to know unlike dazai, chuuya is absolutely loyal to him which regrettably he is. it kinda becomes imperative therefore on part of dazai to make it seem that way to mori. that they really are at each others throats and that dazai is insignificant to chuuya. and that the mafia comes before dazai. (which is not true bc we see chuuya protecting his friend [shirase] while also staying loyal to the mafia in Stormbringer)

mori also in his own way tries to provoke hostility b/w them like in Dead Dpple when he was all like yeah so dazai is the star and chuuya is merely bait. so it kinda makes sense if dazai left the mafia not only to like do good work but also to protect chuuya from mori. also the fact that chuuya did the same thing— left the Sheep and joined PM to protect Shirase from the mafia makes be believe that my speculation is plausible given all the parallels we find between dazai and chuuya.

and the last bit is about the brilliant Dead Apple scene and how much added context it gets in light of Stormbringer.

in this scene dazai first says: “you used Corruption believing in me?” and then the translation is “how beautiful” which is an okay translation but the exact thing dazai said was “nakasetekurerune” which literally is : youre gonna make me cry you know? now my knowledge of japanese is like duolingo level but i do know “nakasete” has to do with crying and “kureru” is used by the receiver to indicate he’s receiving a feeling/object from someone close. so basically chuuya trusting him is something so beautiful that it could almost move him to tears. now lets look at dazai’s intro in Stormbringer:

dazai, being dazai, ofc would be able to tell genuine trust from fealty out of fear so ofc the fact that chuuya has this kind of blind faith in him is overwhelming for him. also stormbringer really expands on the sight effects of Corruption in full detail. its so PAINFUL and to think that chuuya would jump into it right away for dazai’s sake.....no wonder he is so soft when deactivating him. and then he proceeds to flirt for a little bit with the Snow White and the kiss of life reference. but this flirting doesnt seem even a little out of place now. it doesn't feel like smth meaningless or smth that dazai is just saying as a joke. that there is absoluetly no subtext to making a statement like that. instead that kind of flirting feels like smth inspired from a deep, deep familiarity with someone who really shares his heart and soul. when he talks to chuuya abt the problem of not knowing whether he is human or not, it is a problem that is as central to him as it’s to chuuya. not feeling fully reconciled to a human identity is a problem thats fundamental to both of them. I don’t think familiarity gets any deeper than this where you share the exact same psychological problem. so its really wonderful how we can trace the skk development now: what starts out as a crush on part of dazai or not a crush exactly rather, a feeling of perplexed admiration because chuuya is breathtakingly beautiful inside out, eventually gain all these layers and develops into something meaningful where they have so much faith in each other and where they literally help each other live. knowing someone out there shares your exact issue so you’re really not alone in this is perhaps the greatest comfort in the world. also now its clear how both of them would have turned out had they not met each other and had they not taken in rimbaud’s advice. chuuya in his desire to learn about himself and frustration at not being able to do the same would have perhaps spiralled downward and ended up becoming like verlaine. he is his double here after all. and had dazai not seen chuuya up close being the wonderful person he is, he too would have probably ended up developing a god complex and becoming like fyodor. dazai is there to save chuuya literally from dying a monster and chuuya is there to remind him he too can try and mend his ways and embrace his human side. after all chuuya has so much trust him in! (despite him having questionable methods) for both of them, it starts out as an attempt to be more human, then establishing a fruitful partnership, and finally coming in terms with their feelings to some extent. for dazai, he’s comfortable enough to engage in occasional flirting at this point and for chuuya it’s playing along with dazai’s antics (well with the ones he get 💀 pretty boy has half a functional braincell) and openly showing his concern for him. so really by confirming their feelings what strombringer does is enhance the skk development in a way that Dead Apple doesnt seem like fan service anymore. the fact that dazai would casually flirt or be comfortable with chuuya landing on his crotch 💀 all that isnt as ridiculous as it first seemed because stormbringer lays the groundwork and anticipates all the intimate/flirty skk moments that have happened till now and ig will happen again soon.

#bsd #stormbringer #soukoku #dazai osamu #chuuya nakahara #bungou stray dogs #stormbringer spoilers #bsd meta #bsd analysis

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ordinary-funky-feline-type · 3 years

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Cw r-18/drugs || ill post a second post with more sketches that didnt fit here!!

TLDR: fart-brained guyses who escape their realities by hangin out in abandoned places naked and intoxicated. OFF TO THE RANT NOW:

oh, my. I dont think ive talked about my DBD Legión!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! These ideas and drawings are a few months old, but still pretty relevant. I don't remember all, but I'll rant a bit about them before I completely forget. I dont know how to start, i guess ill go with susie first. I like to depict her as decrepit and dying. Her diet consists of cigarettes and all kinds of drugs. (she’s the pink haired one in case you dont know about dbd!!). She has a cute dick. She probably wears wigs cus her hair is all weak and decaying, if she were to dye it, it would probably fall off and die. Joey, is he goth? I dont know what makes something goth, but he probably is. He’s my cam boi!1 He’s gay, although he has a crush on julie (see below). Speaking of julie and joey, they are the least developed ones cus i was too busy designing susie. joey’s face is inspired on jpegmafia’s. Julie. shes’ a skinhead!! She probably dyes her hair… but i dont know about that. maybe she IS actually a redhead, i dont know. I like to think she’s butch, but once again im not actually sure of what would make someone a butch. as stated in one of the drawings, she goes tits out 24/7 (well, at least when she’s hangin out with her friends in their safe little environment ). She spends a lot of time on her phone and she sends nudes a lot. She soft, i love her a lot. Frank, i think i have developed a lot of thoughts about him. Susie and him are very close, probably childhood friends? soul siblings? he really clings onto her. If ghostie exists in this universe, he has a onesided crush on him (ghostie ni le da cabida). I dont care much about sexualities but he definitely wants to top… except with susie, i cant imagine him topping susie (or rather i cant imagine susie bottoming). He’s horny and dumb, and pretty confused… he doesnt really understand much about himself, or others for that matter, and he doesnt really try. Frank cries a lot, or at least i imagine him crying a lot, i dont know how that would actually work in-universe. Maybe he’s the oldest of the bunch, but they might all be around the same age.. I dont know, indecisive (edit: i just remembered that i used to imagine that he was actually the youngest one, so i dont fucking know. Actually now that i think about it, i like susie being the oldest one. or maybe joey...)

I made emphasis on the fact that susie’s diet consists on drugs and cigarettes, but actually they all share that habit to different (and probably healthier) extents! are they murderers in this au/version/thing of mine? who knows, maybe not yet. When i think of them, i focus on their feelings and complex relations, i dont really care about the -actual- situations they go through. I also got a few thoughts about their sexualities and such, but they dont actually matter much because 1) we never actually see them interact with any other characters other than them. And 2) they all make exceptions for each other. So joey is gay and bottom, but… i mean who cares, all laws of physics BREAK with this group. The 4 of them have emotional bonds with one another that go beyond labels. Joey can be gay and still have a crush on julie. tho probably he only fucked with frank... They are all just a close and happy family, how nice. orgies happen a lot, or just like, casual sex while they are laying on the sofa watching tv. Maybe they dont even touch, they are just naked watching the tv. Sometimes susie gets invited to the joey’s camboi show tho! I actually have an unfinished drawing of that that i plan to finish About the story… ugjhifgufuifd i have like a lot of concepts in my head that i find difficult to write out into words, fantasising in my head is much easier. Hmmm but basically… well, there isnt much story. I think i had some baccstories tho? So lemme try to remember that. Hmm i think frank doesnt have a dad. He and susie met as kidz (was susie trans already then? dont know dont care. Maybe it doesnt matter at all in this world). They always had like sort of romantic feelings for each other, but they also grew up quite close, so those feelings are mixed with fraternal ones. I also thought that maybe they are actual siblings, so whatever their origins are, the important part is the fraternal bond + the romance and sexuality = emotional vulnerability and complete mess. And thats only the beginning cus then they meet julie and joey and everything gets amplified!! Speakin of july.. I have feelings about her childhood that ive no idea how they would actually translate to actual scenarios lkdsjgkjnsdlsangj. An important thing to point out tho is that she has somewhat “:-3” energy a lot of times (NOT PERMANENTLY THO!!!). Anyways, she was probably quite different as a child. she’s quite chill in present times, but she was a wild kid, with constant “>:-P” energy. she’s always been a rebel… old parental figures? big family? berhaps. she’s a bottom butch lesbian, soft julie.. I love butch lesbians!!!!!! maybe she ran away from home, she might be the most independent of them 4, but i dont know, i feel like she’s still a baby inside, maybe she just looks like the most adult of them on the outside. I dont know how she meets joey, but they are close and quite similar in some ways. they have like this silent understanding. I also dont know how they met susie and frank, but i imagine the group was formed when they were teens? i have very vivid thoughts of settings, places, feels. Like they all live in shitty environments and probably had shit education and baccgrounds. They are all lost kids with not much sense of direction in their lives and they do shit that they shouldnt. They have their own house thingy where they hang out, which is where my thoughts take place the most (this concept gives me sort of FLCL vibes¿). Also, okay okay, you know how i imagine frank and susie as being very close since they were kids? I actually dont imagine them sharing the same environment most of the time. So, they probably didnt go to the same school (maybe susie didnt go to school at all). Maybe susie is a bit older than frank, so they were in different classes? I like both ideas. Okay, im getting somewhere, mentally. I like the idea that when they hang out they escape their usual environment. Maybe julie didnt ran away from home, its just that we dont see her at home cus the story focuses on their moments together XDD oh wait fuck, im really loving this idea. Maybe we just dont know what the hell is actually going on with susie’s life, she might be kind of a mystery, maybe thats because we see the story from frank’s pov? Whos completely oblivious of his surroundings? Im not sure. So this solves many internal conflicts i had with the setting… im having a very good time right now. Oh my, im back to ranting at 3 am for actual hours about my charas, and it feels too good… its 5 am now

I realise i waste too much time trying to figure out the technical details while the magic is happening elsewhere. I WANT TO KEEP ON RANTING!! But i need to organise my thoughts and draw a bit, or else ill have a seizure. Im so tired, i cant re-read this whole thing anymore, its been too many re-reads!! Probably none of this makes sense because my thoughts are scattered and all over the place. Thank you for reading if you got this far, it means a lot

#legión #dbd legion #rant #sketches

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everyothermouse · 3 years

Photo

Made some designs for my old superhero au for funsies, enjoy

I am going to take this as an excuse to talk abt this au, some backstories and design details under the cut :)

Tw: suicide attempt (peters backstory) and abuse (hash’s backstory)

Also, i gotta warn you that the backstory descriptions get longer as we go on, as the longer i write for, the worse i get at being concise. My apologies!

Peter

Power(s): control over the shadow realm

Power triggers: fear, depression, sadness, anger, focus

Relationships: hash (daughter/apprentice), genny (ally), ms. Garner (friend/ex nemesis), gabby (ally), prince (assistant/nemesis) princess (nemesis?)

Backstory: Tried to die in a vat of Poisonous Liquidtm but due to the nature of the experiments Done by damian at Unnamed Lab Owned By Damiantm, instead of dying his misery manifested through shadow powers. He was a shadow for a bit before he was able to start being a person again, and he was so upset about being alive that he decided he needed to consume the entire city in shadow so everyone else would have to be miserable like he was. He would be repeatedly thwarted by a superhero in the city named flower girl, who would eventually (over the course of like 3 years) forcibly found family him. He now has a job and uses his powers for good, and has recently taken up a superhero apprentice :)

Design notes: the heart clasps on peters cape and arms were originally by Ms. Garner before she retired as a superhero. They are tools used to help focus magic, making it easier to stay centered and to direct magical forces. The heart in the middle changes color based on the magic surrounding it/running through it, for peter it is black, but for Ms. Garner it was red/pink. Peters crown is made of the same material, but is not quite as strong. Peter mainly focuses his magic outwards using his palms and the soles of his feet, thus why they are uncovered. Villain peter looks a lot less alive than current peter partially because of being magically exhausted, but mostly just because he is in very bad physical health, having dipped himself in a vat of poison and proceeding to get 0 medical help, and then also not eating or bathing and living on shadow magic and depression. The boots previously used for villain-ing are now his work boots :)

Genny

Power(s): super strength

Power triggers: N/A

Relationships: nut (son), mellisa (friend), gabby (ally), Ms. Garner (friend?), hash (ally), peter (ally), damian (enemy)

Backstory: genny was a single mother and teacher living a normal life when she was caught in a catastrophic event as the city’s super villain the week was wreaking havoc in the middle of town. When a car came flying at her child, she had no choice but to rush forward and try to get him out of the way. Usually this would have ended in disaster, but thanks to a mix mothers hysterical strength and the strong magic energy radiating out of one of the destroyed buildings (it was U.L.O.B.D., because its always fucking damian isnt it) she was suddenly imbued with the strength to block the car and escape. Soon she would realize that this effect wouldn’t go away, and thus she decided to try and use this ability to help protect the city from all the dangers which threaten its safety.

Design notes: the knife on her leg is attached with a very strong magnet, it is difficult for others to remove but easy for her to thanks to her strength. Her body armor is all much stronger than the other three’s, as having armour that is lightweight isn’t a priority for her in the same way it is for the others, due to her strength. Genny doesnt actually have that much more muscle mass than a normal reasonably fit person, as her super strength is not connected to this. She wears contact lenses in her daily life, but after the event in which she got her super powers her eyes are entirely white (nut’s eyes are also lightened, but not to the same extent as genny’s, you can actually see them from more than 2 inches away.)

Hash

Power(s): control over earth/rocks

Power triggers: fear, excitement, focus

Relationships: Peter (parent/mentor), genny (ally), gabby (friend), prince (annoyance),

Backstory: Hash has had the ability to move the earth since she was born, but her parents always shunned her for it, saying it was destructive and evil, and so was she. She was forced to repress her powers and was often neglected (and occasionally hurt) by her parents, as well as frequently being forced to socially isolate herself from peers and teachers due to her being “too dangerous.” She tried to run away from home, feeling as though she was a danger to her parents, but when she was caught she freaked and accidentally used her powers towards her parents out of fear. Her parents called the police, making her more afraid and causing her to become more destructive. After a couple days of chaos and no one being able to defeat her, she would eventually be talked down by [whatever tf peters superhero name is], a superhero in the city who had previously been a villain but was changed through kindness and love and what not. It took a while after that to convince her that she wasn’t some horrible monster, and to get her a way from her previous household for good, but now shes a lot happier and has moved in with peter. She’s also started practicing using her powers, although its pretty hard for her given she spent all the time that her powers were developing not using them, and thus doesn’t know how to control them at their new level. She likes to tag along and try to help out on superhero missions, but honestly her main focus right now is trying to make friends and become accustomed to normal daily living, which is difficult when you’re constantly afraid of everything and have no idea how to talk to people.

Design notes: her small cape/cloak is an old one of peter’s. She hand painted on the rock pattern and the green inside, and its not perfect but she likes it. Just like normal hash, she cut the sleeves off of all her shirts, even the ones that weren’t damaged, back when she was at her old household. After moving in with peter though, shes started wearing more long sleeved shirts :) . Hash may lift rocks from the ground and stick them to her body as impromptu armour when shes distressed, although she usually doesn’t purposefully do this as its not actually very good armour, its just annoying.

Gabby

Power(s): fire manipulation, lizard stuff

Power triggers: lizard: N/A Fire: focus, anger

Relationships: peter (ally), hash (friend/ex-rival), Dario (nemesis/enemy/rival), Akira (friend/ex-rival), genny (ally), Ms. Garner (mom/mentor), Mrs. Harvey (ally/girlscout troup leader), the other Mrs. Harvey (Girl Scout troup leader/ally)

Backstory: ever since she could walk gabby was convinced she had the ability to control fire, But none of the other kids at her orphanage ever believed her, and neither did anyone at her school. One day though these powers were put to the test, when the orphanage took fire and she rushed in to help the local super hero evacuate the other kids while the fire fighters were still on their way. It was at that moment she decided that she could be a superhero too, and that the poor superhero present at the time, flower girl, would be her mentor. She followed her everywhere being the annoying curious child she was, but all flower girl wanted was her to stay out of danger and go home to her parents (which she would eventually realize gabby didn’t have.) But when gabby proved her worth and saved flower girls life, flower girl finally caved and decided to start training her, as long as she promised to try to be more cautious, and to stop skipping school to follow on dangerous missions. From then on they were an amazing super duo! Together they fought villains and used the power of kindness and pretty flowers to brighten peoples day :) and after a while ms. Garner would even end up adopting gabby, yay!

Eventually gabby’s lizard features started growing in, which was pretty scary. But her mom showed her that they weren’t all that bad, and gabby realized she could use them to help out on super hero missions! Peter, who was flower girls nemesis, would move in with her and her momma temporarily while he was getting better, as he was very sick while he was a super villain. She decided to adopt him as her new second parent, which he never agreed to, but I mean hes never denied it so its basically true. Several villains and other hero’s have also been added (and removed) from gabby’s growing list of parents. After her mom got hurt really badly in the hash incident, she decided to retire from being a superhero, deciding that she needed to put more focus on her safety so she could take care of gabby. Gabby has continued fighting crime, now taking up a more independent role as a superhero because she’s a preteen and thinks shes mature, but she usually works alongside other superhero’s in teams or as partners, as her mom requires she have adequate supervision (bcus shes LAME.) She still gets somewhat serious treatment from other superhero’s given that she technically does have more years of experience in the field than like half the cities heroes and she has had a major role in taking down multiple big villains, but she’s still a child and is generally not to be trusted on her own, as she is minority stupid and majorly reckless.

I’m sorry that was so long,,,,,, it could’ve easily been 1 paragraph but i have failed 😔

Design notes: gabby isnt wearing shoes under the legwarmers in hercivilian design, she likes the good grip her feet give her. Sidekick gabby’s stick can make fire just like her current one can, but it does not have the other functionalities. Her stick is not just for magic stuff, she also wacks people with it, and knocks them off their feet and stuff, its quite sturdy. The thick line on her face is just face paint for funsies and to make her a little bit less recognizable (only barely tho.)

#artinevee #oc #digital art #hunters bullshit #Monsters superhero au #digital Doodles #This one was one of the first au’s i know because i made it when i actually thought about labs #labs peaked week 3 of the monsters universe #it is now bullying labs hours #sorry the read more stopped working! idk when that happened but i removed it and readded it so i think it should be back now ^-^

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autisticoolatta · 4 years

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Brooo!!! Tell me more about character design!!!

TYSM FO. R SENDIGN THIS BUBBY <3

ok so. i will tlak ab my science team bcs hyperfixation <3 they range from human passing to so very nonhuman but none of them are really human ! this is going under a cut because it is so very long

darnold is most human , he looks p mcuh normal but he consumes things that should absolutely kill him VXBSB.. hes around 5′7 , i draw him w a square-ish shape language bcs hes intelligent and relatively sensible but round corners cause hes v kind !! i hc he enjoys old-timey fashion so i give him a bowtie & suspenders under his labcoat ! he also gets dimples bc cute.

gordon is p human at first glance but if u look closer he has slightly pointed ears and his canines are a little longer than average. he also has retractable claws like a cat , benreys like wtf didnt you say it was weird that i had claws ? and hes like nah its weird you cant retract them. also its barely noticeable but gordons hair moves veery slightly when hes emotional becayse heehoo. hes around 5′9 and has a relatively wide rectangle silhouette bcs hes hard-working and trustworthy ! post-game he mostly wears comfortable casual clothes like sweaters and knee-lenght shorts. dresses like a dad :^)

coomer mostly looks like a regular friendly old guy , but he has a buncha cybernetics hidden under his clothing bcs of course he does ! the extendo-arms are visibly metallic but his leg enhancements are mostly internal. hes 5′4 and has a v much circular silhouette ! friend-shaped !! he wears kind grandpa clothes.. shorts , hawaiian shirts , vests etc ! and yes he wears crocs <3

forzen is also pretty human-passing in terms of appearence , though he Can and occasionally Does subtly shapeshift.. and she also consumes things that would be so deadly to humans. like motor oil and rocks :) hes seemingly immune to bullets and has fangs but only sometimes. shes 6ft tall and her shape is p much square ! he wears an outfit v similar to his military uniform bc everyone was like dude get some new clothes wtf. so she was like FINE *buys near-identical red beret , fishing vest , huge backpack , camo pants and boots*

tommy.... WAY too tall 2 be human. hes 7′8. taller than gman. his silhouette is very tall thin oval :) round edges again bcs hes kind ! hes lanky but a lot physically stronger than he looks. he also consumes inedible things like computer keyboards. he has fangs , his eyes glow in the dark and he can use sweetvoice to a basic extent ! he also wears suspenders and bowties along w comfy baggy clothes like sweaters & chunky sneakers or crocs ! he also wears a lot of chew jewellery and he loves patterned socks :) he also uses a cane because being SO fucking tall isnt v easy on yr joints ! he uses crutches on worse days.

bubby is. also very tall but nowhere near tommy. hes 6′5 ! he has noticeably very pale skin & neat rows of pointy teeth (altho some are probably chipped). they also have almost-clawed fingers , v pointy shape language with a tall thin rectangular kinda silhouette. theyr not v physically strong most of the time so theyre pretty scrawny. his strength works on cartoon logic tho so he can be strong sometimes if it makes the situation funnier hebfhebr.. in-game he wears p much exactly the scientist uniform w no added stuff , but post-game hes like oh shit ! i casn do what i want now !! and goes out and buys a shitload of leather jackets and chunky shoes and gets so many piercings. awesome. the piercings & studs on their clothes also add pointiness to his design :^) oh and ! they use crutches because spending most of your life suspended in goo isnt very good for your muscles .

gman ! 7′5 so also inhumanly tall. he has pale greyish skin and is pretty clearly not human , he also has fangs & his eyes glow perpetually he Cannot Turn That Off. he doesnt necessarily eat inedible stuff but he has uncharacteristic reactions to foods , like alcohol doesny affect him at all but he drinks a pint of sparkling water and wakes up in a hollowed out tree stump in the woods at 4am 2 miles from his house. he can also teleport , make himself invisible for a limited time , levitate , and shapeshift ! he has a tall thin rectangular silhouette similar to bubby , but a little wider bcs hes more imposing & strong. when hes not in one of his 50 identical suits , he wears dad clothes also; hawaiian shirts & shorts and of course... socks & sandals.

finally benrey ! he4s so small. simply small as fuck. hes generally around 4′4 , but he doesnt really have a consistent height bcs hes constantly shapeshifting because he can. they also shift their weight occasionally and their hairstyle is never consistent at all. they have pale greyish skin , the face shadow ofc is permanent as are their eyebags , and he also just . doesnt have a nose. he can smell he just doesnt have one. probably has no ears either. he has a round silhouette but sharp uneven teeth & generally p messy hair , cause hes unassuming and laid back but Can fuck u up if he wants to. which generally they dont bcs they dont actually like being in physical conflict much at all. they use a wheelchair post-canon bcs dying does that to u <3 he doesnt mind tho , he and tommy deck it the fuck OUT w stickers. he wears casual clothes like hoodies and sweatpants , and has a seemingly endless hat collection... chullos , helmets , ball caps , beanies , you name it ! i usually draw them with a specific hat based on the situation , like im doing an animatic of the callmecarson spelling bee and benrey has a ball cap that says “im a keeper” with a pic of a bee on it. awesome

OK THATS LIKE ALL I HAVE tysm for letting me infodump BSKJKD... if u read all of this im proud of u <3

#juice posting #long post #headcanons #character design #hlvrai #bapsys

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grxceblqckthxrn · 4 years

Text

hi @chocolatecarstairs came up with these post-CHOG questions and i really want to answer them because im sad that im finished reading it :((

MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW

what was your favorite part, 1 or 2?

Honestly I loved both parts, but I’d say I loved part two just a little bit more for the time that James wasn’t under the curse anymore and LOVED Cordelia

which scene in the book was your favorite?

EVERY scene that had Matthew and James being wholesome parabatai in it!!! my favourite chapter in this book was Blue Ruin, the one after Grace takes the bracelet back from James (aside from the whispering room ofc).

what scene (or scenes) made you cry the most?

ok ngl i didnt spend much of this book crying, but the only scene that actually made me tear up was when james was dying and matthew could feel it and jesse (WHO I FUCKING LOVED MORE THAN I THOUGHT I WOULD) gave him his last breath :(((((

what scenes were unsatisfactory?

there were not enough Christopher scenes (but to be fair, even if the entire book was just Christopher it still wouldnt be enough for me)

but fr, i cant think of any off the top of my head but i’ll edit this if i do later

what made you laugh the most?

matthew!! james!! thomas!! christopher!! also some of the things Jesse said

what bored you?

this wasn’t boring, but the whole charles/alastair plot line didn’t have me very invested. I did love the alastair/ cordelia scenes tho, so it was just charles that was the problem

also no offense to james bc he was my first actual fictional crush after reading TMH/NBS but like whenever he talked about being in grace i would literally zone out lol the bracelet curse makes him so boring but whenever he isnt in the curse/ is with someone who is NOT grace i just!! love him!!

what disappointed you?

cassie honestly had me kinda shipping matthew/cordelia for a solid FIVE SECONDS there when he stepped in to dance with her after james left her standing there, but that was one of the only scenes that made me feel like they had natural chemistry (along with the scene where he drops her off at her house). I felt like the during the rest of their interactions in the book, cordelia was kind of uncomfortable, which made me really sad because even tho she has every right to feel that way, i felt bad for matthew. I kind of want him to fall for someone else completely and for it to be reciprocated. also, i just really want for matthew and cordelia to become good friends because i feel like they could have such great natural chemistry if matthew didnt love her.

what is the top thing you wish had been done differently?

see above.

what things did you predict that came true?

JAMES BURNING DOWN BLACKTHORN MANOR I FUCKING SAID HE WOULD DO IT TWO FUCKING YEARS AGO IF YALL WANT ME TO LINK THE THEORY LMK

what are some things that were really unexpected?

ok there’s quite a few things here so bear w me babes:

- James genuinely loving cordelia from the start. I wasn’t expecting him to naturally feel nothing for grace at all, so i was expecting a slow burn jordelia, but finding out that he actually loves her makes me so happy but the end where cordelia thinks he was just pretending breaks my heart :(((

-matthew liking cordelia lol definitely was not expecting another parabatai love triangle but i hope it doesnt last. i do think it adds to the plot and i love it, it just hurts to see matthew so emo :(((

-I was expecting to like cordelia as a character, but i ended up LOVING her so fucking much???? she’s so three dimensional to me, and it’s interesting to see how her personality adapts around different characters as people adapt around different social circles irl

-liking jesse as much as i did

-ok so james’ entire character was a surprise to me. it’s so fascinating to see how the bracelet actually affected his personality.If you recall him in The Midnight Heir from TBC. he’s like an entirely different person. i still loved him in TMH but i went into CHOG thinking that if he was gonna be like that the entire time i’d probably get over him really quickly. i was pleasantly surprised by how much i ended up loving him even more tho

-i didn’t expect oliver hayward to die and im going to stay emo about it

- Christopher is so much more clear headed than he was made out to be prior?? like there were so many scenes where he was fully there and when he defended anna to alastair i just kfdsnfkld i love him

are there characters that you didn’t like before that you like now?

yikes umm... Alastair, maybe? he’s somewhat okay to me now, I dont dislike him as much as I used to. ooh and Hypatia Vex. the only scene i remember liking her in QOAAD was when she helped out kit, ty and dru (me, going a whole TSC post without somehow mentioning kit? not possible)

are there characters that you liked before that you don’t like now?

I started CHOG ready to give Grace the benefit of the doubt, and I was surprised by how timid and shy she seemed at the start, but it was interesting to see how it was all an act and how she doesn’t have an actual personality yet. one could argue that she actually does love james, but i doubt it at this point. i dont hate her yet, even tho she IS fucking up james’ life, but she’s on thin fucking ice.

who was your favorite new character?

does new character mean completely new or just never been in a novella new? because for the first, it would be Cordelia (i LOVE her sm!!) and other wise it would be james, matthew and co. also!!! jesse!!

what places in the book would you like to visit?

that hell dimension sounds pretty lit ngl

did you like the ending?

ok so. we KNOW that jordelia is gonna be endgame. cassandra clare always takes the hardest path to get there, but when has she not delivered? it’s just a matter of waiting. so, yes, i did like the ending in sense of the plot because it was a great twist, but i also feel really bad for all of them even tho ik they’re eventually gonna be together :(((

what did you think of the epilogue?

i wasnt surprised, since we alr know that Tatiana is shady asf, but i just really wanna know how she partnered up with a GREATER demon like lol wtf. again, im really happy in terms of plot with this

what are your thoughts on the engagement?

i feel so. fucking bad. for cordelia. and james too, even tho he’s under the bracelet’s curse so he doesnt even KNOW he’s being manipulated. but i love how even through the curse, james still loves cordelia in his own way.

what did you want to see that didn’t happen?

matthew getting therapy periodt

umm honestly i just want more “merry thieves” content like i just love. all of them.

what do you wish had been resolved that wasn’t?

i really want matthew to tell james or cordelia what happened because i just need him to be loved and supported lol i want to give him a hug.

what is your favorite pairing as of now?

jordelia!!! and lucie and jesse are kind cute rn, and i like them if theyre gonna be pining after eachother but i feel like if they actually get together i wont like the relationship as much.

which characters would you like to see more of in the next book?

CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER

ANNA!!! i lovED reading about her she’s so badass

matthew!! jesse!! also i wanna see more of those bitchy girls lol just so we can see anna or cordelia tell them to stfu

what is one character whose death you would undo if you could?

ok i know that jesse is still very much a conscious character despite being dead but like,,, i want him to be the way he was before and also i want him to come back to life

and barbara!! she seemed so sweet

which characters got bad/unsatisfactory endings?

ummm barbara? i cant really say much on this yet bc its still only the first book and when has the first book ever ended up with anyone being happy.

oh but also can we sign a petition to make cassie let matthew actually survive the series because my heart aches just at the THOUGHT of eventually having to read a scene where he dies

which characters got what they deserved?

literally. none of them yet. :(

who should have died but didn’t?

Tatiana lol also lowkey charles but i also feel pity him to an extent

what plotline are you most excited to see in the next book?

okay the entire jesse plot has me hooked because i LOVE his character. also i love the bracelet plot but its making me MAD because i just want james to be happy but

what is one scene that you wish hadn’t happened, but you know was unavoidable?

THE ONE WHERE GRACE PUTS THE BRACELET BACK ON JAMES. i mean obv there was no way he was completely done with grace, but i literally got so sad at that part like why HIM of all people smfh let him be happy

which pairing do you like the least?

alastair x charles, grace x james, lucie x matthew bc neither of them actually like either imo lol

what are some theories you have for chain of iron?

- not necessarily for COI but i think matthew is gonna get exiled and turned into made into a mundane

- the bracelet will break (?)

- jesse will come back to life (like actual life) at the end of the book

-grace is gonna do something to help the main characters, making it hard for us to hate her.

what characters do you think should have gotten more plot time?

lol are yall gonna hate me if i say christopher again (also anna)

anyways this was really fun!!!!! PLEASE ASK ME STUFF ABOUT MY OPINIONS AND STUFF OR JUST SAY ANYTHING ABT THE BOOK BC IM DESPERATE TO TALK TO PPL ABOUT IT

#chain of gold spoilers #chain of gold #james herondale #Cordelia Carstairs #Matthew Fairchild #lucie herondale #anna lightwood #thomas lightwood #alastair carstairs #charles fairchild #christopher lightwood #grace blackthorn #jesse blackthorn #tatiana blackthorn #the last hours #tlh #cassandra clare #the last hours spoilers #chog spoilers

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archer3-13 · 3 years

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attack on titan [the manga] is over basically i guess, unless a wrap up or time jump ch140 comes out, but for all practical purposes its done and dusted. and welll... it basically ended exactly as i thought it might.

what i liked:

its not a clean wrap up, the possibility for future conflict is kept wide open and it doesnt pretend otherwise which is more in line with the kind of story AOT is

the total removal of titan power, which again is good and in line with the kind of story AOT is. its a way of helping cap things off without ruining the open ended aspects of future conflict

that there is acknowledgement that erens crimes are to egregious to allow him to live. there other ways i feel the ending bungles here but i do appreciate that it isnt shied away from that eren had to be dead at the end of all this. and he is dead, and he stays dead which is definitely for the best

the resolve of the remaining characters [in armins circle anyways] to actually fix things and prevent future conflict through peaceful means and negotiation contrasted by the shadow the yagerists and the destroyed world present

armin defusing the situation with the surviving marley soldiers so quickly

gabi suplexing falco which is hilarious

what i did not like:

like i mentioned, i like that there acknowledgement that erens crimes are too egregious to let him live narratively speaking. However, the ending spoils this to an extent by trying to have its cake and eat it too, with the characters close to eren remarking about the nobility of erens sacrifice because pre destiny determined by weird little girl who was in love with some asshole and this was all for the sake of his friends or whatever and blahdda blahdda blah. its frankly needless cartwheeling to both try and deemphasize erens culpability in his crimes by positioning him as a messiah saviour of sorts and as someone with no control over his actions. and i say needless because the narrative doesnt cartwheel like this in regards to other characters bad choices, reinar despite having more compelling circumstances behind his motivations for his own crimes for instance is made to own up to and bear those choices even if he isnt ultimately punished for them. Eren despite pulling off something even worse and for pettier reasons with less extenuating pressures behind those decisions [because, tbf he didnt need to do this shit and the narrative knows it] is given narrative reprieve to an extent for his own crimes even if he is punished for them. in short, i feel the grieving over erens nobility is stupid, lazy, cheap and overall sours things for me

and on a related note, i probably wouldn't harp on that as much if the hard statistic of 80% of the world population being killed and the majority of forests/resources being destroyed in the process hadn't been brought up. a statistic i feel works in the sense of erens crimes being totally unforgivable but feels weird given the previously mentioned aspects of saviourfication and victimhood thats also instilled there. and on a more practical sense, i feel 80% is way to fucking high of a percentage to just bung in there. its easier as a quick illustrative measure to emphasize the sheer scale of erens crimes, but for comparisons sake 80% of earths population suddenly dying would be 6,139,200,000 people dying in the relatively short timeframe the rumbling is presented in. thats just needlessly gratuitous at the end of the day, like a lot of AOT really, but it especially makes the sentimentality thats shoved in over eren feel in poor taste. i feel 40% would have felt more reasonable a scale if we really needed to wax about erens nobility during the same breath as opposed to just accepting that hes done a horrible thing

shoving so much of the surviving cast onto a boat in suits felt like a quick way to sort out their 'where are they now' ending shots without actually having to come up with things for them individually that makes sense or feels satisfying. Like yes i appreciate that armins trying to fix the shit eren broke even a little but did almost everyone need to be there when we could have had say jean relaxing in peace setting up a family somewhere

gabi and falco taking care of an injured levi is sweet but feels rather left field. like, what is going on here why did this happen? what is the story behind these characters hanging out like this

not letting mikasa move on from eren was dumb and stupid and infuriatingly reductive. im not asking for her to hook up with anyone, in fact i do like that she isnt just settling down with some man and playing house like a certain other shonen manga. i hate though that its framed in the sense of her never getting over eren being why she isn't hooking up, because it tanks her characters promised growth of coming into her own by having her hung up on eren and erens desires

and yeah thats about it.

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mamusings · 3 years

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Having let the 15 x 18 percolate I started to watch again s23 and ep 1-6 of 15. Basically everything available. I'd gotten tired of feeling toyed with and feeling gaslit when trying to get confirmation from reviews for what I felt I was seeing. Ita very rarely in the dialogue but just in the eye lines and symbolically sometimes in the parallel plots.

Anyway: season 14 is a joy really. The beothere have grown up. I had been dishing the endless desperate loop of I d die for you wearing thin. Sam is basically cooked. A leader in the best sense (using his intelligence and his empathy). Dean accepts it even tho it's a bit new to him not being the boss. (The dialogue on chief)

We get that recognition more explicitly here that I found in my reviews of the early seasons that these are 2 very different men but now they have a degree of comfort and space in that that eluded them. They allow each other to be.

Which brings me to my predictions. Sam may be cooked but Dean isnt. Hes still not worked out who he is and how to have what he wants (cas basically).

So is Dean in love with Cas. Absolutely, i think this has been shown in subtext much more clearly than is Cas in love with Dean (I mean romantically/sexually). With Cas we see loyalty, devotion and affection. For an angel what does love mean? I was never quite sure. Does he want an actual relationship with Dean?

Dean's easier hes clearly incredibly attracted excited fascinated by cas in the initial phase. Then you get the affection, the liking, protectiveness. High point purgatory. Also devotedness.

In later seasons we get heartbroken widower and the co-parents/husbands. Plus their fights start to look more like a bickering couple that anything else.

So I am absolutely convinced that Dean is in love with cas.

But how aware is Dean of how he feels? I think hes so scared if being rejected by cas he can barely admit this to himself. Its telling Michael doesnt know how Dean feels about Cas. Theres lots of gay couples in the background by s23 early e15. I'd say it's an indicator Dean knows hed like to be with cas. Theres been no on screen hook ups for Dean (although there are references). But what we get now is acknowledging that a large part of Dean's flirting is social behaviour rather than sexual intent. It's nice, its charming but he doesnt mean it. (Pamela). So at some level Dean knows he wants to be together with Cas. He knows what he has with Cas. (Telling John he has a family - ok that goes wider than Cas but in my view early spn is Dean trying to grown beyond his father having the white picket fence and the girl always felt like something Dean felt he should want rather than something he really did want. The relationship with lisa is framed with lots of doing the chores and proper manly chores at that)

But I do think Dean knows how he feels. We are back to him having dialogue with Sam (Jess even comes up) with that typical early destiel trope of shots of Dean where I think the implication is that Dean is thinking about the same subject matter in relation to cas.

Sam knows but I think the malak box incident re Dean shows us that Sam knows when not to push Dean. He offers opportunities to open up but he doesnt push his brother. Like I said they get each other better now. It's not like when john dies and sam is pushing and pushing for a conversation. Now as cas and Dean's relationship falls apart we get a lot of pained reaction shots from sam. Just like we sometimes get the oh just kiss already smirk in earlier seasons. Sam doesn't understand why this relationship doesnt progress but he respects both cas and dean and doesnt meddle. I think when dean comes our Sam will be pivotal support.

What's interesting is that e15 as far as I have seen it seems to mirror early spn. Dean is mirroring his father. Obsessed with revenge at all costs. Neglecting love and relationships. The brothers are regressing into their old.relationship patterns under stress of mary dying with Dean taking up his rage filled leadership.role again. But the wierd thing is the endless we dont have a choice. Its tfw they have choice, they are all about choice. In fact Cas is choice embodied. He shouldn't have choice but he does. And over the seasons since the soul consumption he has grown remarkably in handling choices. To the extent that at the end of s14 he no longer refers to Dean's choice making on Jack. That's happened before with Kelly but then it was more ambiguous cos it got Cas dead. Then it was faith, he believes I Jack. With the malak box and Jack its ethics. Cas has grown up. Right through s14 its striking how wise he is, how he draws on experience and knowledge to counsel those around him.

I think there is a sharing of power, of burden, to come. The narrative of we shoulder all this so everyone.else can live the cute life we cant will be transformed. Basically buffy final season.

Cas professing his love for Dean. And by preparing what he wants is something he cant have I think is a totally non ambiguous profession of romantic and sexual love. He has friendship with Dean, he has family. What cas thinks he cant have is more that that. So without the fear of rejection Dean's wall can come down. I'm not sure how aware he is of what he feels because Dean can ne a dumbass, but he definitely feels it. Sam knows and will help once Dean opens up. That will take a while because Dean doesnt open up easily.

And finally a comment on the crying which oddly isnt in many of the fan vids. I think jensen is a great actor when it comes to emotional crying scenes. But we should appreciate that so far we have had weeping - tear tracks slowly with big exposition or dealing with grief wiping at his eyes. Or the meltdown, high octane crying very distressed generally life or death shit with Sam and a lot of emotion. We have never seen Dean crying into his hands like that. Curled up, despairing. I think that's another indicator that Dean absolutely knows how he feels about cas.

One final thing. Cas will be back, we wont have Dean at the end of spn with6the person he loves. Either in this world.or another its gonna happen.

Another thing I suspect is that we see with jack that while cas is the great reliable advice parent he cant bond as quickly emotionally as Dean. Its Dean who, when hes minded has the talent of emotional connection in a way cas and sam dont. The fishing expedition shows us that. Dean has the most trou ped connection to Jack, hes hated him wanted him dead. But hes also the one who gets the sunlit upland of fishing. Same as cas is the one who loves unconditionally when Mary is killed. He hugs jack. So when dean is ready to love cas publicly i think it wont be a huge thing of awkward shuffling feet. It'll be Dean doing what hes good at, loving people, but doing it with cas.

Ok I've only watched til episode 6. Gonna avoid spoilers from noe on and cross my fingers. Cant wait to watch it all.

#spn #supernatural #destiel #deancas

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