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packedwithpackards · 2 years

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Chapter X: The last Barnabas, Ruth Snow, and Cameron, Missouri

This is the 12th in a series of articles which serializes my family history, which I wrote in November 2017, titled "From Samuel to Cyrus: A fresh look at the History of the Packard Family." Minor corrections. Below is the 10th chapter of that history:

The year is 1847. Barnabas Packard II had died on April 30. [216] The only Barnabas left in Plainfield was Barnabas Packard III, Barnabas and Mary’s son, who would die almost 21 years later on April 25, 1868. He would be recorded on three censuses as living in Plainfield: the 1850 and 1860 censuses, along with an agriculture schedule in 1850. [217] By 1854, there were only 854 people living in Plainfield! A small number compared to the nearby town of Cummington, which had over 1,000.

Barnabas Packard III and Ruth M. (possibly Makepeace) Snow had been married for 21 years, married on July 21, 1818 in Windsor, Massachusetts. [218] From 1818 to 1847, they had 10 children, all with the last name of Packard. The first two were Poly Nash, born on July 18, 1819 and dying on November 10, 1869, who never married, and Cynthia Cordelia who was born on November 27, 1820 and died of “dropsy” on July 25, 1863, marrying Aaron Ayres in December 1841. [219] There were 4 other children born in the 1820s: William Henry (October 1, 1822), Martha “Patty” (August 18, 1824), Irene (September 20, 1826), and Mary Jane (October 20, 1828). William Henry will be the subject of the next chapter. As for the others, Patty married Charles I. Ford on December 12, 1843 and died on November 1, 1903 at age 99, while Irene married Horatio Lynons on May 9, 1847, and Mary Jane married Zebediah H. Randall on March 8, 1852. [220] From 1831 to 1840, Barnabas and Ruth had 4 more children. They were Roswell Clifford, born February 4, 1831, who married Elnora G. Vining on February 25, 1869, Ossmus Chalmer, born July 27, 1834, who married Sophia Dean on April 1, 1863, Charles Edwin, born on March 19, 1838, who married Araminta Utter in 1867, and Harrison “Clark” Clark, born February 20, 1840 who married Melona C. Dawes on June 4, 1865. [221] Roswell would die in 1919 in Cameron, Missouri, while Ossmus would die in the same place but on January 28, 1907. Clark would die, reportedly, in Windsor in 1899, and Charles would die in Kansas City, Missouri in 1933.

Much of Barnabas and Ruth’s life can be determined from the three censuses cited on the previous page. The 1850 census shows Barnabas Packard III (age 54) as the head of the household, with the value of the land being $1,500, and his occupation as a farmer. The same is the case with 19-year-old Roswell and 15-year-old Ossmus, likely working on the same farm as their father, Barnabas III, within Plainfield, Massachusetts. [222] The same page shows that Ossmus, Charles (age 12), and Harrison (age 10) are attending school. Interestingly, it classifies Polly N. as over 31 years of age, who cannot read or write, as “idiotic.” Ruth, Barnabas’s wife, age 50, and their daughter Mary J., age 21, do not have occupations listed, so they presumed to be “housewives.”

Before moving on, it is worth focusing on Polly N. While you could say her designation is an error, it is clearly not, based on other censuses. [223] The questions answered affirmatively for her were:

Is the person “deaf, dumb, blind, insane, idiotic, pauper, or convict?” (answer: “idiotic”)

“If this person was over 20 years of age, could they not read and write?”

Census enumerators defined an “idiot” as a person whose “mental faculties” were limited “in infancy or childhood” before they matured, referring to, a wide range of “known disabilities,” by today’s standards. [224] Hence, it could be logical that she could not read or write.

The next document worth reviewing is the 1850 agriculture schedule of Plainfield. This document shows that Barnabas Packard III owns 230 acres of land in the township, 160 of which are improved, and 70 of which are not. [225] It also says his farm is worth $1,500 and tools (and equipment) worth $200. Adding to this, he is listed as owning 2 horses, 3 milk cows, 16 other cattle, and 1 swine which is worth $400. He also possesses 30 bushels of Indian corn and 30 bushels of oats, among other grains. Living in the same community is Ariel L. Ayres, who may be related to Aaron Ayres, who Barnabas and Ruth’s daughter, Cythnia, married nine years earlier in 1841.

Finally, there is the 1860 census of Plainfield. This document again lists 65-year-old Barnabas as a farmer, but his farm is now listed as worth $3,000 and personal estate as worth $2,500. [226] Ruth, his wife, age 64, had no occupation, while Polly N. was again called “idiotic” and was age 41. Hence, this was part of her identity, dying on November 10, 1868 at age 49, 3 months, 3 days, from bleeding in the stomach. [227] Barnabas was a “farmer who settled in West Plainfield, clearing his land for planting, while maintaining a grove of maple sugar trees, with produce taken to Boston for sale” as one history said. As noted earlier, he was the first to own the West Hill Farm, later owned by Cyrus and Tom. However, taking a trip to Boston to sell produce seems a bit excessive since it is over 100 miles away. Perhaps he sold his produce at a closer market.

Thanks to a retired programmer interested in genealogy, named Jack Vander-Schrier, we have photographs of Barnabas III and Charles Edwin:

While we do not know about each picture, it seems evident that the photograph on the left was taken in his older years, perhaps not long before his death. By the last seven years of Barnabas III’s life, many of his children had moved out of the area. Reportedly, Charles Edwin spent time in Ohio as a mathematics teacher before moving to Cameron, Missouri while his brother, Ossmus lived in Mendota, Illinois before moving to Cameron in 1865. The family lore goes that Roswell moved to Cameron in 1866 (and reportedly moved to Ft. Smith, Arkansas in 1895) and that Patty (and her husband Charles Ira Ford) moved from Nauseous, Ohio to Cameron the same year. [228] Hence, Polly N., William Henry, Cynthia Cordelia, Harrison, Mary Jane, and Irene did not move there. On a trip to Cameron in 1868, with his wife, Ruth, Barnabas became ill and died. Ruth would live with her son Charles Edwin until she died on January 1, 1879, and both would be buried in the Packard Cemetery in Cameron, Missouri.

One photograph tells more of that story than anything else. The photograph is courtesy of Find A Grave user Jack Vander-Schrier yet again:

The photograph shown on the last page, shows what the “Barnabas Packard family,” as Vander-Schrier puts it, around 1875, living in Cameron, Missouri. It has been numbered as to help future genealogists determine who the individuals are in this picture. Based on the photograph of Charles Edwin on page 70, it is clear that number 8 is him. He was a cashier at the Farmers Bank in Cameron, Missouri, and later a banker, reportedly. The rest of those in the photograph are unknowns. However, numbers 1 and 2, 3 and 4, 5 and 6, seem like couples based on the way they are standing. One of these couples is Roswell Clifford and Ellanora (1842-1895), while another is Patty and Charles Ford (1822-1914) (also a banker), and the last is Ossmus and Sophia H. Dean. [229] Possibly Araminta Aminta Utter is number 16, although this cannot be confirmed. Somewhere in numbers 9-14, 17-21 are Araminta and Charles’s child Clark, but not Eva since she was born in 1876, unlike Clark who was born in 1873. The same goes for Ossmus and Sophia’s child, Herbert Melvin (1867-1935).

All of these children have the last name of Packard. Basing it on the photo, earlier in this chapter, number 7 is Ruth Snow. Number 16 may be the wife of the person occupying that house. Other women, such as Herbert’s wife, Mary Francis, are likely in the photograph as well. The same is undoubtedly the case for Roswell and Ellanora’s children: Emma E (b. 1870), George C (b. 1873), Leonard C (b. 1875), Etta B (b. 1877), E Edwin (b. 1880), and Jennie S (b. 1882), the first three of which were likely in the photo. It is also the case for Patty and Charles’s children named Pearl, Arthur, Sarah Jane (1844-1898), Henry Edsel (1847-1902), and Cora Ann (1855-1918) who married George Thomas Howser (1855-1936). If you add up all of the people noted in this paragraph, it adds up to 21. Solving the mystery of who is who in this old photograph would require identifying all these individuals rather than using educated guesses. Still, it adds more to the Packard family story. [230]

Notes

[216] Gravestones of Barnabas Packard II and Barnabas Packard III.

[217] Plainfield, Hampshire, Massachusetts, Seventh Census of the United States, 1850, National Archives, NARA M19, Records of the Bureau of the Census, Record Group 29, Roll M432_220, page 199B. Courtesy of Ancestry.com; Plainfield, Hampshire, Massachusetts, Eighth Census of the United States, 1860, National Archives, NARA M19, Records of the Bureau of the Census, Record Group 29, Roll M653_505, page 467. Courtesy of Ancestry.com; Plainfield, Hampshire, Massachusetts, Agriculture Schedule, National Archives, NARA T1204, Records of the Bureau of the Census, Record Group 29, Roll 2, Page 901, Line 29. Courtesy of Ancestry.com.

[218] Source is Massachusetts, Town and Vital Records, 1620-1988. Ruth Snow was born on Dec. 15, 1799.

[219] Gravestones of Polly Nash Packard and Cynthia Cordelia Packard Ayres.

[220] See the gravestones of William Henry Packard, Martha "Patty" Packard, and Barnabas Packard III; Barnabas Packard in entry for Zebedee H. Randall and Mary Jane Packard, 08 Mar 1852; citing Cummington, Hampshire, Massachusetts, United States, Town clerks and local churches; "Massachusetts Town Records, ca. 1638-1961," database with images.

[221] Barnabas Packard in entry for R. C. Packard and Elonora G. Vining, 25 Feb 1869; citing Cummington, Hampshire, Massachusetts, United States, Town clerks and local churches; FHL microfilm 1,888,606; "Massachusetts Town Records, ca. 1638-1961," database with images, FamilySearch; Barnabas Packard in entry for Chalmer Packard and Sophia Dean, 01 Apr 1863; citing Cummington, Hampshire, Massachusetts, United States, Town clerks and local churches; FHL microfilm 1,888,606; "Massachusetts Town Records, ca. 1638-1961," database with images, FamilySearch; Barnabas Packard in entry for H. Clark Packard and Melona C. Dawes, 04 Jun 1865; citing Cummington, Hampshire, Massachusetts, United States, Town clerks and local churches; FHL microfilm 1,888,606; "Massachusetts Town Records, ca. 1638-1961," database with images, FamilySearch; Gravestones of Roswell Clifford Packard, Ossmus Chalmer Packard, Charles Edwin Packard, Ellanora G. Packard, and Find A Grave entry for Harrison Clark “Clark” Packard. Roswell was in manufacturing, living in Cameron Missouri, while Elnora was a Cummington, MA girl.

[222] Plainfield, Hampshire, Massachusetts, Seventh Census of the United States, 1850, National Archives, NARA M19, Records of the Bureau of the Census, Record Group 29, Roll M432_220, page 199B.

[223] Sometimes tick marks were wrong on Census documents. The two questions are courtesy of the Census Bureau. The Census documents can answer many questions about a family. She is also marked such in the 1865 and 1855 state censuses.

[224] Rhonda R. McClure, “What is an "idiot" in the Census?,” Genealogy.com, Overheard in GenForum, April 26, 2001; National Archives, Nonpopulation Census Records, Aug. 15, 2016 She was not listed in the 1880 census of “schedules of delinquent, defective, and dependent classes [which] provide[s] information about deaf, dumb, blind, and criminal persons who are listed by name” (also see here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here). since she died in 1868 as noted on Find A Grave, which has a photo of her tombstone. If she was in an “insane asylum” or other facility, the conditions were likely horrific, with existing records of facilities in Massachusetts not currently online.

[225] Plainfield, Hampshire, Massachusetts, Agriculture Schedule, 1850, National Archives, NARA T1204, Records of the Bureau of the Census, Record Group 29, Roll 2, Page 901, Line 29.

[226] Plainfield, Hampshire, Massachusetts, Eighth Census of the United States, 1860, National Archives, NARA M19, Records of the Bureau of the Census, Record Group 29, Roll M653_505, page 467. Courtesy of Ancestry.com.

[227] Death of Polly Nash Packard, Nov. 10, 1868, Massachusetts, v 212 p 67, State Archives, Boston, Family Search; Deaths Registered in the Town of Plainfield for the Year eighteen hundred and sixty-eight, vol. 212, p. 67. Taken from photocopied vital record requested from the Massachusetts Archives in July 2017.

[228] 1900, 1910, 1920 & 1930 censuses show Charles living in MO. A 1900 census and 1910 census shows Roswell in AK, while 1870 and 1880 censuses says he is in MO. The image shown above is from the Find A Grave profile of Barnabas Packard III. Residency of Ossmus can confirmed, but seems to be for Charles I Ford in 1910, living in MO, with Patty in 1900.

[229] Gravestones of Ellanora, Charles Ford, and Sophia H. Dean. Likely 3 or 5 is Charles Ford. For this paragraph also see Gravestones of Araminta Utter, Clark, Herbert Melvin, and Eva Packard, gravestone of Mary Francis, and the Gravestones of Patty, Pearl, Arthur, Sarah Jane, Henry Edsel, Cora Ann, and George Howser.

[230] W.G. Gay lists "Packard Bertha, widow Theron W., h 9 Pleasant” (p. 64) and ten Packards living in Northampton (p. 177) in "Town of Northampton" within Part Second. Business Directory of Hampshire County, Mass., 1886-87 (Syracuse, NY: W.B. & Gay Co., 1886). He also lists 4Packards living in Enfield ("Town of Enfield" within Part Second. Business Directory of Hampshire County, Mass., 1886-87 (Syracuse, NY: W.B. & Gay Co., 1886), 75), 7 Packards living in Goshen ("Town of Goshen" within Part Second. Business Directory of Hampshire County, Mass., 1886-87 (Syracuse, NY: W.B. & Gay Co., 1886), p. 79), varying Packards within Plainfield on p. 208: “Packard David, r 27, farmer 5”; “Packard Harold S., (Mrs. E. A. Packard & Son) dealers in general merchandise, drives stage from Plainfield to Charlemont”; “Packard Harrison C, (West Cummington) farmer 300”; “Packard Mrs. E. A. & Son, dealers in general merchandise, and farmers 23”; “Packard Pliilander, r 14, farmer 20”; “Packard Sylvester, r 26, farm laborer, leases h of Willie Shaw”;"Packard William H., (West Cummington) r 38, farmer 200”; and "Packard William L., farmer 300." ("Town of Plainfield" within Part Second. Business Directory of Hampshire County, Mass., 1886-87 (Syracuse, NY: W.B. & Gay Co., 1886). Also, Barnes & Packard with specific employees in Ware, MA (p. 235, 252, 253) within the "Town of Ware" within Part Second. Business Directory of Hampshire County, Mass., 1886-87 (Syracuse, NY: W.B. & Gay Co., 1886).

Note: This was originally posted on September 7, 2018 on the main Packed with Packards WordPress blog (it can also be found on the Wayback Machine here). My research is still ongoing, so some conclusions in this piece may change in the future.

#cameron missouri #missouri #packards #genealogy #genealogy research #family history #plainfeld #cemetery #packard cemetery #hampshire county

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double-aa-batteries · 2 years

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Fic Rec Fridays - Week 2 - AUs

If you want to check out any of the other 3 fic recs you can find the master post here

Andreil

the sound by jemwrites on AO3 here (17k, 5 chapters)

The cottage looked unassuming and quaint, with a wooden ramp up to the front porch and rose bushes beneath the windows. A little sign was nailed above the door, reading The Foxhole. It seemed peaceful. Quiet

Its patrons, however, were neither of those things. Neil could already hear the raucous lot from where he was stood outside the door. Having never spoken to anyone outside of rare, whispered words to his uncle, or his cat, or his mother's grave, Neil knew this would be interesting.

A blond woman opened the door with a smile and glittering eyes. Neil's stomach rolled over itself. He hoped this wasn't a dumb decision.

TW: mentions of neil’s past and kevin’s. some minorly graphic descriptions of past abuse

its always you series by justdk / @dkafterdark on AO3 here (5 parts)

andreil high school au in a series of short fics where neil is still on the run, squatting in abandoned houses, when he meets andrew. he hadn’t planned on staying in town so long but things get more complicated when feelings become involved

read tags in each part for TWs

you kind of do though by Rory_writes on AO3 here (4k, 1 chapter)

Unspecified alternate universe where neil and andrew meet later in life.

Someone breaks into Andrew's house one night, drunkenly looking for his friend and instead finding a cat and, well, Andrew. (+trans andrew)

no trigger warnings, mostly fluff and crack

Kandreil

Listen, all these kandreil fics just absolutely wrecked me and in my opinion are absolutely worth the read

the shore we'd come to find by JayJFox on AO3 here (17k, 4 chapters)

Kevneil are hiding from Riko after running away and break into someone’s empty house for the night. only...it isn’t empty. They meet andrew and stay with him, getting comfortable, until Riko makes moves and kevneil become worried for their own safety as well as andrew’s.

This is just. Fucking pure angst (with a happy ending). it wrecked me.

TW: Riko and Nathan and riko and nathan adjacent trauma

a brick to the stomach; a bullet between the eyes by fluorescencx on AO3 here (5k, 1 chapter)

Roommates AU

A 5k roller coaster of pure angst and neil pining for the two people he loves but can never have.

But could? have them? no. of course not.

it’s stupid, but he dreams about it anyway.

no trigger warnings, only angst and pining.

Nicky/Erik

i knew you were trouble (when you broke in through my window) by neilwrites on AO3 here (1k one shot)

AU where Nicky didn’t meet Erik in Germany

Nicky’s drunk and goes to the wrong apartment. Lucky for him, the person who lives in said wrong apartment is German and extremely cute.

no trigger warnings

Jerejean

farmer's almanac by cloud talking on AO3 here (3k, 1 chapter)

Soulmates AU

soulmates know everything that their other knows, excluding who they are. jeremy knox knows his soulmate is in danger and the world will burn as he changes that.

TW: Riko. takes place in the nest. but less trauma and violence than canon. knives

Kevaaron

picture perfect by officialstarsandgutters on AO3 here (22k, 1 chapter)

photography aaron and model kevin au

Freelance photographer Aaron Minyard gets a gig doing fashion photography for a catalogue, where he meets Kevin Day, typical arrogant haughty model asshole. Or so Aaron thinks.

More fluff than enemies to lovers, but enemies to lovers adjacent. Listen, this is just romance. These boys love each other. (+non binary Kevin)

TW: riko and riko adjacent things. graphic torture scene involving knives that is easy to be skipped if needed. kidnapping and drugging, talk of past riko regarding trauma and abuse. scars and talk of kevin’s broken hand. it’s all the usual until the near end where you needa watch out a bit

r u mine? by alex_wh0 on AO3 here (2k, 1 chapter)

Tattoo parlor AU

After two years of unrelenting silence, Kevin comes back into Aaron's life. Andrew is PISSED, Neil is secretly thrilled. And Aaron — Aaron doesn't quite know what to do. (+genderqueer kevin day)

TW: Riko. Again. That rat bastard. recount of kevin’s broken hand and talk of Kevin’s time at the nest

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yamilethxz · 2 years

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FASLEY ACUSSED - SPENCER REID X Y/N (Chapter 9)

Master List

Trigger Warnings: Murder, Murder Photos, Mentions of Murder, Talks of Murder, Drugs, mentions of drugs, talks of drugs, much more.

Everyone loos up as Aganet Roosi walks in with a note, all letters is printed out in green text

'We are still out her. We forced her to take the blame. We have taken her and we will kill her'

The tesm looks at it in shock and confusion. "We? As in many? And her? As in..." penelope asks, worried.

"Y/N. It sounds like they where planning to kidnap her if she spoke up." Hotch says putting the letter in a plastic bag.

The team had been at the sation all night, trying to get proper answers and more confessions from Adam. Even looking through the evidance more.

"So far he has claimed that Y/n isnt innocrnt and that she has done something. He confessed to the mirder of the headless body which we now know is Daniel Brown from a local farmers market."

Morgan states looking over what he has written down. The camera in there has been revording the whole time.

"We can use all this to sententic him and get y/n out." Prentiss says as she looking at another photo. It has a young child in it. Shot and stabbed like the others.

"The fact, someone is so heartless to murder young kids, sicken me." Rossi says placing another picture down and picking up another.

"There would have to well and over 365 victims. Possibly even more." Reid says as he does the same.

"We need more confessions from him. We need to find out whete the last three unsubs are." Aaron says going into the room. Adam is still quiet high but not as high as he was when he was arrested.

"Where did you hide the bodies? Or did you not bother?" Aaron asks Adam. Adam just looks at him as if he is almost half asleep.

"Many places. Some in grave yards, some in the victims backyards, even buried in the sand on some beaches. Alot of the time we just didnt even bother and left them in the spot they died in." Adam answers with a smirk.

The questioning, dpging questions, laughing and anger goes on for hours on end. The team git some answers but believe that he is keeping many more bodies and dumb sight, possibly even more victims.

"We will get him to write down a list of possible future victims. If he does Morgan and Prentiss I need you both to go back to his apartment to find any type of list." Hotcher tells them.

They all stopas a officers walkie talkie goes off. The officer on the other ens sounds a bit worried.

"We need back up. You fbi angents come with us. Their is a riot at *prison you are at*. Four officers are being used as hostages." Th eofficer says as some officers leave the station. Reid looks at the team worried.

#spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer #reid #criminal minds #criminal mind #oneshots #writeblr #imagines #new poets society #unsub!reader

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allforthe-gays · 3 years

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The Foxes as dumb injuries i’ve gotten, part 2:

Aaron is too impatient to let hot drinks cool down, so he either avoids them or ends up burning his tongue every time. when he discovered iced coffee his life was changed.

neil never got sun burns when he was younger, so he refused to put on sunscreen when they had outdoor training. he ended up getting his face super sunburned and had a sunburn on his neck and shoulders that looked like a farmers tan. his face peeled really badly, the day of the annual team pictures.

dan broke her toe tripping over a dog

allison would get attacked by her families 15 pound dog every time she entered a room too loudly

renne got an asthma attack from singing songs from veggie tales on the bus ride after an away game.

Matt’s truck broke down in the dorm parking lot and he made Nicky help him push it a block to a car shop. Nicky was half asleep when Matt told him he needed help, so he didn’t put on shoes and ended up burning his feet on the pavement and got blisters the size of quarters on the balls of his feet. he made Matt carry him everywhere bc his feet hurt too much to walk.

allison attempted to balance on an old train tie and ended up slicing her leg. she were more worried about the fact she ripped her pants then that she got cut by rusted metal.

seth got a burn on his leg from a vacuum that ended up scarring bc matt took a safety piece off a vacuum which left a metal rod that spun very quickly, exposed which seth got too close to.

andrew managed step on a pencil in a way that it cut his ankle and ended up scarring.

matt decided it’d be a good idea to go into a bramble bush because he saw a cool rock and ended up with cuts all over his arms from the branches.

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sasstastic-turtles · 4 years

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What guys names say about them based on guys I know:

Aaron: Can absolutely Get It®️

Adam: Used to be obnoxious but lowkey glowed up

Ben: Cannot communicate with people to save his life

Cam/Cameron: Full of chaos and song

Cody: Says he’s not a fuckboi but 100% is

Drew: Cannot remember my friends’ names. Once asked me if they make Dorito flavored Cheetos

Easton: The kid in kindergarten who bit all the other kids

Greg: Plays the saxophone and looks good doing it

Hunter: Probably a father by 15 and definitely OD-ed by now

Jake: Thinks he’s your friend but if you spend more 15 minutes with him, your head explodes

Justin: Definitely cheated on you but keeps saying “you can’t prove it”

Luke: Just trying his best

Mark: Is lucky that he never got straight clapped by a teacher

Matt/Matthew: The last real gentleman on earth. Just wants to be a farmer

Max: Thinks he knows what he’s talking about but doesn’t

Noah: Loveable, but so dumb that it hurts

Paul: Avoids talking at all costs

Ryan: The embodiment of SoundCloud Rapper

Scotty: Acts all important, has never been taken seriously in his life

Tanner: Gives off “I don’t want to be alone in a room with you bc you’re gonna say something really uncomfy” vibes

Trey: Only ever talks to you about his girl problems, but always remembers to wish you happy birthday

Vaughn: Plays hockey, but can’t pull of the hockey bro look bc his ass is too flat

Vince: Would make an excellent pirate

Zach: Looks like an egg and acts like one too

#guys names #tag yourself #i like to think im matt #but really #im zach

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the-little-witches-books · 7 years

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I’ve been considering posting things I write for a while now, so here’s something that I wrote as a school assignment once and ended up really liking so here it is.

Eshe and the Bees:

Aaron was in what his grandmother would call “A pickle”, and that “pickle” being his family farm failing so terribly he wasn’t even sure where to begin to fix this. The farm had been in his name for a year now and has been the most difficult year of his life. He had watched his grandmother tend to the farm his whole life without issue, had helped her tend to it his whole life, but almost as soon as she had passed last year the farm had started to slowly die as well and Aaron was at a loss for what to do.

His grandmother, always the bright woman, had left him binders full of notes on how to take care of the farm; little things that he hadn’t known before now and phone numbers that he would need when it was time to sell products, but then there were things that didn’t make sense to him. There were a few notes scrawled in the margin’s that said things like “IF YOU NEED HELP CALL ESHE,” and a recipe for a pound cake that he was sure was supposed to go in her recipe books instead of her work books. Aaron had absolutely no idea who Eshe was or why he would need to call them and therefore waved that note off as well. There was no phone number for Eshe either, so he safely assumed it was nothing too important. None of his grandmother’s notes said anything about what to do if all the plants started to die without warning.

The animals that the farm raised were doing swell, the cows and the goats still producing fresh milk, they were all as healthy and active as they should be, the hens still laying good eggs, but the plants…the plants were another story. Aaron had done everything he could think of to help them; he’s tried three different types of soil, he’s tried a different watering system, he’s tried everything and the plants still wilt and rot. He had one of his grandmother’s old friends come over to look at the plants and when the older man couldn’t find the root cause of the problem, had merely shrugged and suggested trying to plant new crops. It was getting to the point where he was considering selling the property out of spite (for obvious reasons he could not have done that but it was a nice threat in the back of his mind).

It wasn’t until an early January morning that Aaron found out why his farm was doing so poorly and how to fix it.

Farm life required early mornings; getting up at sunrise so that he could get work done quickly and making sure that all the animals had food ready for them when they awoke. Aaron was just waking up and heading to the kitchen when he noticed that the lights were still on, and there was no one else who could be in the house aside from him and the dogs he owned. Aaron did the most logical thing that he could think of and grabbed the baseball bat he had lying around for reasons like this, and crept into the kitchen as silently as one could creep in a house with creaky wood flooring.

What Aaron found and what Aaron was expecting were two completely different things. He expected someone to be rifling through his things; taking what they could get their hands on and possibly attempting to murder him. What Aaron found was a woman with ebony skin drinking a cup of coffee and angrily tapping away at a cellphone, a basic smartphone, it would do enough to multitask, with a case shaped like a bumblebee, sitting regally at his kitchen table, unaware that he was standing in the threshold with a baseball bat. Her hair was piled on top of her head in a bun, and her nails had dirt embedded so deeply into them he was sure it was more pain than it was worth to try and clean them.

“Ummm?” He asked, unsure of what to do.

The woman looked up from her phone and glared at him for reasons Aaron couldn’t figure out. “Who are you? Where is my cake?” She asked, dropping the device roughly onto the table. “It has been a year, and we had a deal. Where is Maria, we must have words.” Her voice was harsh and demanding and Aaron wasn’t sure who had broken into whose home at this point.

“Ummm?” He asked again, unsure of what was going on.

She snapped at him a few times. “Maria, boy, where is she? We had a deal and I haven’t gotten my payment in a year. I demand answers.”

Aaron slowly lowered the baseball bat and scratched the back of his head. “Grand-Maria, died a year ago…Ma’am…”

The woman took a long sip of her coffee and made a humming sound. “Sit down, boy.” She said, pointing to the chair across from her. “We have things to discuss.” Aaron wasn’t sure why he was listening to the woman, but he put the bat down, made himself a cup of coffee, and sat down across from her without saying a word.

Neither of them said anything for a long time, silently drinking their coffees and tapping away at their phones until the silence was too much and Aaron asked a question.

“Who are you, exactly?” He wondered, looking at her closely. He’d been living with his grandmother since he was born and didn’t remember ever meeting this woman or hearing about some deal that his grandmother had made with anyone.

“My name,” The mysterious woman began, “Is Eshe and I am a goddess of fertility.” She spoke the words slowly but surely.

There was more silence for one heartbeat, two, three, four, and finally-

“You’re kidding me.” Aaron said without hesitation. He believed a lot of things; he believed that a god existed, and he believed that science could explain almost everything, but this was too much even for him.

The woman, Eshe, huffed angrily, nostrils flaring at him. “I beg your pardon?” She hissed out. “How dare you say that to me.”

“Excuse me? You broke into my home!” He shouted, louder than he probably should have.

“I have an open invitation to come into this home whenever I please to come into this home! Did your grandmother tell you nothing of me?” Eshe looked him dead in the eye, a trait that Aaron had always found intimidating.

Aaron remembered the note, but that didn’t help with anything. “There’s only been one mention of you; a note telling me to call you if I needed help but nothing else. Are you going to explain things to me, or are you going to continue to make vague comments all morning? I have a farm to tend to.”

A scoff and a lazy wave of a hand in the air. “A farm that is dying, because you have failed to make the proper payments.” She laughed out, not harshly, but amused by the situation. “Calm yourself, boy, and I will tell you a tale from sixty years ago.

“When your grandmother, Maria, moved here with her new husband they had no idea what they were doing, their crops would not grow, and their animals would get sick so easily they could not keep them alive, and so they prayed for some sort of help, any kind really. Kind and generous as I am, I came to your grandmother one morning while she was making breakfast and struck a deal with her. Once a month she is to leave me a fresh, homemade cake, any sort of cake, and I would keep the farm thriving for her and her family. It was a simple enough deal you see, payment was easy and all I had to do was keep things alive. Easy. But, a year ago today the cakes have stopped being left out for me; I figured that there were some slight…mobility issues, Maria was getting rather old and I was allowing a grace period of two months and if the cakes stopped coming I would stop nurturing the farm. It has been a year; your farm is dead.”

Aaron could see how it all made sense, could even understand why his grandmother had left that random cake recipe in her binders now. He didn’t know how to bake though, didn’t even like sweets. What was he even going to tell her?

“Would you like to make a new deal with me, boy?” Eshe asks, standing to make another cup of coffee. She rummages through his cabinets like she’s lived here her entire life, and pulls out a large container of honey before squeezing a generous amount of it into her coffee.

“My name is Aaron.” He says, weakly.

“Answer the question, boy.” Eshe chides him, and goes about her business in the kitchen. “You can have a functioning farm again, or you could lose everything your grandmother has built and we both know how sad that would be.” She says offhandedly.

Aaron watches her buzz around the kitchen for a few more minutes before she sits, and looks at him knowingly. “What kind of deal are we talking about?” He asks.

Eshe hums contently. “What do you think about bees?”

Not really an answer, but he’ll take what he can get. “I don’t care for them.”

“Wrong.”

“Wrong?” How could his own opinion be wrong?

“You love bees, you’re deeply invested in taking them off the endangered species list, why you even have a few bee hives in your farm and give money to the Save the Bees Foundation every month. It’s all very noble of you, boy.” Eshe smiles at him slowly, and picks up the forgotten phone and taps away at something.

“Is that my deal? I take care of bees and you take care of my farm? Why bees? I don’t like bees.” Aaron tells her. He doesn’t know who she thinks he is, he can’t afford to give money to a foundation every month when his business is doing so poorly.

Eshe doesn’t look up from the phone, which bugs Aaron slightly. Why can’t she just give him her full attention? “Did you know that we’ve lost 44% of bee population over the summers of 2015 and 2016? And that the number of bees lost grows every single day? If someone doesn’t do something soon there’s going to be a big problem.” She says it like it’s the only thing that matters.

“If you’re a fertility goddess why aren’t you helping some poor couple have a baby or something?” He asks, annoyed by the entire situation.

Eshe looks up at him blankly. “Couples who want to have babies aren’t my problem. There are other gods and goddesses that they can pray to, but I don’t bother with them unless I need to. My concern is for this world and what’s happening to it.” She tells him firmly.

“But why bees? Why not something else?” Aaron asked.

Eshe groaned. “Bees are one of the most important creatures on this earth; without them we would have next to nothing. Your plants will not grow, which means that your animals have nothing to eat, which means that you have nothing to eat and without anything to eat you will die. To put it in simpler terms for you, boy, everything you value will perish.”

The two had a stare down, and Aaron wanted to say that he stood his ground the whole time, but Eshe’s gaze won out and he gave up.

“How do I save the bees?” Aaron pondered.

Eshe returned to her phone, an annoying habit of hers. “The confirmation emails should be coming in any minute now.”

“What emails? Are you always this cryptic? How did you and my grandmother get along?” Aaron knew he was asking too many questions, yet didn’t have it in him to stop himself.

“You ordered a bee colony, and a few books on bee keeping, and you’re organizing a Save the Bees rally; it really is such a kind thing for you to do if I must say so myself.” Eshe smirked up at him. “Your grandmother would be so proud.”

Dozens of thoughts were running through Aaron’s head at once. He wasn’t sure that he had heard her correctly, but he was almost positive that he had heard every word she said crystal clear.

“So, bees are just going to show up at my house one day?” He asked.

“March first, to be exact. You can’t start a bee hive in the winter, you see, you have to wait until it gets warm or they’ll die and we don’t want that.” Eshe told him. “You can use the time in between to start learning about bees, and how to properly bake.”

“Can I just buy you a cake instead?”

“No.”

“You’re really not helpful at all.” Aaron told her.

Eshe shrugged. “I’ll be back in a week for my cake, and we’ll have another talk to see if you’ve learned anything useful.”

“What about my farm?” Aaron asked.

“Your farm will be back to its former glory when I know you’re invested in this, or when I get my cakes. Whichever one comes first.” Eshe finished her coffee and stood up.

“Do I have any choices in this?” He knew he didn’t, it was nice to ask though.

She stared down at him and then vanished.

Aaron was left confused and intimidated. He needed more than a week to figure things out, and to process what had just happened to him. He didn’t believe a thing Eshe had said, there was no way that a goddess had been in his home. She had just up and vanished and now that he was thinking about it, he was probably just hallucinating. He decided that, after feeding the animals and doing the basic things that needed to be done, he would go to sleep. When he woke up he would forget all about the events of the morning. Yes, that would work.

When Aaron checked his phone later that night there were ten confirmation emails for books about bees (and one cook book), and two bee colonies were going to be delivered to his farm. There was a new text on his phone from a number that Aaron didn’t recognize, and when he opened it the text was made up of those stupid emoji’s that Aaron roughly translated into “Boy learns about bees, Boy saves world”. At that point, Aaron resigned himself to this life...after all, Aaron only had to wait…and learn…

The books came two days later, and by that point Aaron has given up tending to the crops and focused on the animals, which meant that he had plenty of time to read the books that Eshe had gifted him. Bees, Aaron found out, were more interesting than he had originally thought. They were such small creatures but they were so important to the world. All his crops needed bees to survive. Without them half of the farmer’s market would be out of business. Aaron was by no means a scholar, he didn’t feel the need to look things up if he didn’t have to know them; but there was something pulling him towards this, something telling him that he needed to do more, more, more.

Eshe was spread out on his couch the next time he saw her, a book in hand and a plate full of honey cake resting beside her. “This is probably the worst cake I’ve ever had.” She told him in greeting.

Aaron made an offended sound in the back of his throat. “Hello to you too, Eshe.” He threw himself on the chair across from her.

“What have you learned, boy?” She asked.

Aaron thought about the last two weeks of his life, the questions that he had going through his head since she had shown up in his life. He had looked up the name “Eshe” on Google one night and came up with an African goddess of fertility, known to most for helping anyone who left sweets out for her. He didn’t want to believe her, it was the most ridiculous thing that had happened to him, but things were in her favor. He had learned a lot, but was it what she wanted him to know?

“Bees are more important than I am.” He hoped that she would say otherwise, but doubted that she would say anything against the claim.

She hummed approvingly. “And so, what are you going to do?” She prodded gently.

“Save the bees.” Aaron said confidently. It was the only real answer he could give. Save the bees, save everything that’s linked to them, save the environment that is slowly but surely collapsing.

Another approving hum came from the couch. “I heard that there’s a company selling bee t-shirts, all profits go to the foundation.”

Aaron knew where this was going before she could say anything. “How many did I order?”

“Seven, one for every day of the week.”

Aaron shouldn’t be surprised that she would push seven bee themed t-shirts on him, but he was. The two sat in relatively peaceful silence before he had to ask her another question. “Why can’t you just save them? Save all of us this trouble.”

Eshe closed the book and let it rest on her stomach. “If I could fix this I would have fixed it before it was an issue, but it doesn’t work that easily. Man caused this problem, man can fix it and they will fix this. The most me and my fellow gods can do is push you the right way and hope that you get the hint.” She reached for the cake and poked at it with her fork.

Aaron thought about the ice caps that were melting, and the Great Barrier Reef dying and all the things Eshe had told him. Bees were only part of the bigger picture that she had been trying to paint for him. It sounded like she was asking a lot from him, and the research and planning was taxing, but taking care of the bees would be easy. Check on them every other month or so, harvest the honey in the fall, and make sure that they were safe and in return his farm would flourish. Easy, easy, easy.

“How would someone set up one of those fundraisers?” He asked her.

Eshe grinned. “I thought you would never ask.”

#Original things #personal #Eshe and the Bees #writing things #I love Eshe because I made her as ace as possible #ace character #Eshe #Aaron the dumb farmer #save the bees

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9lph9tr0n5s · 6 years

Text

Meet Rohan and Valkyrie (aka my take a stand au)

So, everyone in the zootopia fandom has seen all sorts of OC’s, fanships, stories, fanarts and other stuff that would be too much to remember. But, i’ve never seen someone create a fusion OC (even though they exist in other fandoms). So, without further addo, may I present you zootopia’s FIRST fusion character…

ROHAN WILDESAVAGE!!!

This beauty is the merged character of Robyn and Hannah by @crewefox . After eight months of wait i’m finally glad and proud to introduce you all to my OC. what follows will be a bio of her charachter. Then I’ll put a link to her backstory and the whole series of events that led to her birth. Beware that the read more option may not work, both in the app and in the computer

BIO:

Full name: Rohan Marheather Wildesavage

Species: fusion, fox/rabbit hybrid

Fusion components: Robyn Heather Wilde and Hannah Marian Savage

Date of first fusion: 28th of june 20344, Canary Islands

Jobs:

-Robyn: mechanic

-Hannah: radio host and ballet dancer

-Rohan: fitness and MMA trainer

-common jobs: superhero leader, dimensional traveller and peacekeeper

Physical description

-Age: same as Robyn and Hannah

-sex: female

-gender: bisexual with more intrest in females due to Hannah being lesbian

-height: 8.2 feet (around 2.5 meters)

-fur density: soft and smoother than silk, can get winter coats

-fur color: overall ginger with darker spots on the fingertips and the eartips, black eyebrows and tail tip and black and white stripes following hannah’s pattern. Rohan can change her fur color in any possible color scheme: from plain tan, to cream with red spots or patches, to black with yellow stripes (as a chevron) to even purple or shining blue silver

-paws: all have paw pads like a fox, the feet are as long as a rabbit and can stand up digitigrade and both hands and feet posses retractable, sharp claws

-tail: long, wavy, poofy, soft and capable of moving as a third arm thanks to more muscles in it. Rohan usually likes to smack unsuspecting targets to prank them

-Body shape: slender like Hannah with wider hips and strong muscles taken from Robyn

-eyes: right one teal and left one turquoise normally, can be changed in any color like the fur in any combination possible: red, green, pitch black, blue with orange shard… the eyes can also assume a plain colorization

-ears: longer than Robyn’s, slighty wider and capable of hearing further than any other mammal.

-muzzle and mouth: the muzzle lenght is between Robyn and Hannah’s and the nose has a very sharp smell range. The mouth is composed by sharp teeth and a razor buck tooth

-other peculiarities: Rohan can assume a feral form, standing on four legs, or just with her hind paws digitigrade; unlike most hybrids she’s fertile and this fertility has been transmitted to the components; her body is very flexible, but it can’t stretch like plastic

Character

-personality:

Robyn’s side:

-rash: Rohan can trip into dangerous situations without thinking twice, but always manages to get out alright, mostly

-crass: when Rohan is angry or really pissed, she can swear as instant reaction to an insult or a bad comment

-loyal and trustworthy: like Robyn, Rohan is loyal to her friends and, in no case, she can be corrupted or turn with the bad guys. She’s also extremely careful in respecting a promise or keeping a secret

-respectful: despite having the habit to center herself in rare situations, Rohan knows who’s in charge or is the most experienced on something. Many times, she asks for constructive criticism or honest thoughts about a certain subject and acknoweldges when she’s wrong

-hot tempered: strictly related to having a coarse tongue, Rohan has robyn’s short fuse when being pestered, mocked or scolded. This can occasionally lead to a fight when it happens and the one who insulted her heavily won’t go back home without a bruise… or a broken bone

-gold heart: deep inside, she cares about who she loves and is always willing to help for any problem

-energetic: Rohan as a carefree and upbeat personality just like robyn

Hannah’s side:

-empathetic: Rohan, like Hannah, instantly recognizes what somebody else feels and either joins someone in their happy moments or comfort sad mammals

-polite: from Hannah, Rohan has inherited her calm and collected demeanor, which strangely enough, doesn’t clash with Robyn’s short fuse

-focused: Hannah’s focused mind is another trait that distinguishes rohan: she can elaborate a good startegy, study someone from the outside and guessing the inside and never lose track of an individual or lose control of the situation

-clingy: when Rohan gets attached to someone, it’s hard to take said attachment away, and this can lead to rohan putting first him/her than her team if he/she’s in danger, just like Hannah with Robyn

-emotional: while this is mostly a trait taken from Hannah, Robyn has also a tender side: when sad, Rohan can easily burst into tears while trying to keep herself collected and this leads many people to believe she’s a crybaby

-romantic: Hannah’s romantic side shows up in Rohan when being courted by someone; this unfortunately has led to episodes of boys and girls chasing her for a date because they found Rohan “lovable as hell”

Common traits:

-dorky: both Robyn and Hannah are dorky af, so it’s normal to see Rohan being silly in a playful way

-adaptive: wheter the situation is a long wedding or a hard strike againts a crime lord gone wrong, Rohan quickly adapts to the situation and keeps up, just like Robyn and Hannah

-smart: although many see Robyn as a normal C student and Hannah as a top A mammal, both girls are extremely intelligent. Just don’t overestimate her

-loving: is there much to say about this? Rohan deeply cares about anyone and is always available for comforting or cuddling someone

Unique traits:

-tricking: Rohan seems dumb from shallow and small-minded individuals, but 75% of the time she’s just faking; she’s a cunning mammal and this shows in her ability to pull of tricks or turn the tide of a situation in a way neither robyn or hannah are capable of. This seems to be a recessive trait taken from Robyn’s father Nick.

-charismatic: this charismatic side the wildesavage couple has doesn’t show up very often; things change when rohan is in the game: thanks to her charisma, Rohan is a natural born leader, and everybody follows her or ask for her advice; this trait seems taken by both Nick and hannah’s father Jack

Favorite things in groups

-Favorite foods and drinks: everything KFC cooks, turkey meatballs, spaghetti with tomato sauce, masala cod, fried ginger crickets, pepperoni pizza, crispy mcbacon, oven pasta

-favorite movies and TV shows: Enter the dragon, the princess bride, Star Wars: the last jedi, black panther, karate kid, the big bang theory, steven universe, every disney princess movie, fantasia, the incredibles

-favorite games: the uncharted series, the last of us, overwatch, call of duty black ops 3, rise of the tomb raider, destiny 1, Star Wars battlefront 2 (the old and the new one), titanfall 2, horizon zero dawn, GTA 5, team fortress 2, god of war (the 2018 version)

-fandoms: disney princesses, Star Wars (the sequels side mostly), MCU, love stories, Overwatch (not the porn, nor the toxic side)

-favorite music: punk rock music, dancable music, Green Day, Ed Sheeran, Queen, the Pirates of The Caribbean, Star Wars, star trek, back to the future and the incredibles themes, Cole Rolland, Imagine Dragons

General Likes and dislikes:

likes:

-being petted, cuddled or having her fur stroked

-crude humor

-dancing

-being a dork

-topping herself

-being nurturing and kind to everyone

-friends and family

-protecting zootopia for good

-dancing

-comfortable clothes

-travelling

Dislikes:

-bullies

-being pressured

-having a fight with a loved one

-hypocrites

-being harassed just because of who she is

-small minded mammals

-corrupt people

-whoever threatens her city

-heavy junk food

-strobo lights

-nudity in public

-toxic mammals and fans

Family:

Robyn’s side:

-father: Nick Wilde

Occupation: mayor of zootopia

Status: alive

-mother: Judy Hopps

Occupation: police chief of the first precinct

Status: alive

-grandmother: Marian Wilde;

Occupation: former vigilante known as “the maid”, now hero trainer and supporter, mostly for hacking and I.T. professor at the zootopia university

Status: formerly dead, currently reanimated and alive

-grandfather: Robin Loxley Wilde

Occupation: former vigilante known as “hood”, now hero trainer and couple advisor

Status: formerly dead, currently reanimated and alive too

-Grandparents (Judy’s side): Bonnie and Stu Hopps

Occupation: carrot farmers

Status: alive

siblings:

-Ryan, Ronan and Reginald (reggie) Wilde: Robyn’s triplet brothers; Ryan is a laid-back lover of yoga, Ronan is a pro gamer and Reggie is a panmusical mammal

Status: stillborn at the beginning, now brought back to life

-Luna Wilde (Robyn’s half sister)

Occupation: surgeon at the zootopia hospital by day and patroling zootopia by night as the vigilante Andraste

Status: alive

Hannah’s side:

-father: Jack Savage

Occupation: MCB agent (major crimes bureau)

Status: alive

-mother: Skye Winter

Occupation: MCB agent, works with Jack

Status: alive

-known grandparents:

Hannah Savage

occupation: pensionate

Status: deceased then brought back to life

-siblings: none

Others:

-Victoria Todd (luna’s mother)

status: dead, then reanimated

-Alice Kirabito-Wilde (Robyn’s sister in law)

Occupation: videogame and anime reactions youtuber, superhero, quartermaster and weapons assistant

Status: alive

CHILDREN:

After a year Robyn and Hannah adopted their first son Aaron, he wished to have siblings like her moms (who also wanted biological kids on thier own); this was possible through a pregnancy pen: a device invented by olivia dawson and crafted by her and luna which allows two blood drops and a drop of seed of each couple member (gay or hetero) to mix and create full embryoes and literaly plant them into the one who wants to be pregnant, but the “carrier” has to be female; from this union, five kits were concieved and born from robyn as aaron’s birthday gift, who decided to carry on the pregnancy and aaron welcomed to the family his new siblings. Also, after a foster home was shut down due to cruel personnel and heavy mistreating of the orphans, robyn and hannah decided also to adopt two mammals who were unwanted and left without a family. Needless to say: all those children made judy go on cloud nine… and it gave nick a heart attack.

Biological:

-Ash, Sarah, Iris, Dylan and Mitchel Wildesavage (respectively M,F,F,M,M)

Species: fox/ rabbit hybrids

Date of birth: 8th of december 2039

Adopted:

-Aaron Wildesavage (this character is also by crewefox, he was so adorable i decided to keep him in my AU too)

Species: male koala

Date of birth: 31st of december 2033

Adoption date: 21st of december 2038

-Skylar Wildesavage

Species: non-binary otter

Date of birth: 24th of august 2033

-Penny Wildesavage

Species: female black labrador

Date of birth: 15th of february 2032

Both skylar and penny were adopted the 27th of october 2040

Side notes:

-i know dogs shouldn’t exist in the zootopia universe, but in mine they do

-Robyn and Hannah originally wanted one or two kits, but Robyn’s bunny genes let her have five kits in the end

Since Robyn and Hannah are both superheroes, there had to be Rohan’s superheroine alter ego so, i present you VALKYRIE

Now it’s time for the superhero part

SUPERHERO SHEET

Alias name: Valkyrie

Alligned to: team Ceartais, ZPD, MCB, Camelot

Role: leader

Hero suit: red carbon fiber jumpsuit with white parts, a dark red hood and cape made for gliding and flying when necessary, a dark turquoise chestplate, blue and white shin and forearm guards, a blue and white checked mask and a gem storage in the middle of the chest for the infinity fragments protected by a small sheild. The suit itself has tron-like lines as an attire choice. The suit, the cape, the armor plates, tthe mask, the lines and the weapons can change colors into everything and every pattern. The suit itself is resistant to fire, shocks, electricity, cuts and explosives; the problem is that some parts are left exposed and rohan has to be careful to those weak spots

Power level: supermammalian to god-like

Steel blood powers: Robyn and Hannah’s originary power both originate from some nanomachines called “steel blood” which helped them survive a severe case of sepsis and other damages occured during a tsunami that nearly killed them

Robyn:

-healing factor: Robyn’s primary power consists in a powerful healing factor which repairs and wound or damage instantly. This also renders her, and by proxy Rohan, immune to poisoning of any kind, by simple alchol and cigarettes to vast amounts of cyanide in her body. Unfortunately, the more poison enters her body, the more it takes to rohan to process it. Also, the healing process takes more time if Robyn or Rohan are shot to the head. Another good side though is that Robyn and Rohan can survive being grinded, having their head chopped off, being squashed by two walls and being liquefied

-super strength: the steel blood also strengthened Robyn’s muscles, giving rohan an immense physical force, at the point of being five times stronger than robyn normally is

-high jumping: strong muscles and an energic, athletic attitude is the perfect match to jump high. Rohan can jump about

-high stamina: the nanites powered up her whole skeleton and inner system, which means that rohan, and robyn in the first place, can fight for a long time, running over 100 miles, training in a gym for 24 hours straight without getting tired if put under pressure. Eventually in the aftermath of one of those things, Robyn (or Rohan’s) body feel and become more tired than usual and require more amount of sleep to return in shape

hannah:

-faster reflexes and speed: since hannah was blind when she received the steel blood nanites, those should have supposedly healed her sight; instead they went on powering up her reflexes and speed. This makes rohan agile and fast on the battlefield

-ability to become blind and go back to full sight on command: this power was mastered during a time when Robyn and Hannah were left stranded. Hannah managed to get her sight back, but also practiced between shifting in full sight and blind. While seemingly useless, this power can come very handy if someone generates a strong light and rohan can still fight without necessarily closing her eyes, especially if she doesn’t have a protection

-super senses: when Hannah or Rohan go blind, all the other reflexes (hearing, taste, contact and smell) heighten up to compensate the lack of sight. Those senses can become handful depending on the situation

-pulse field generation: Hannah’s trademark power consists in “seeing” while blind. While tecnically what hannah sees is a blank world with no writings or images but just the primitive shapes of her surroundings, the nanomachines allow her heart to generate a pulse everytime it beats that detects all surfaces and objects in five miles. Rohan’s area is wider and can arrive up to 20 miles

-healing factor: Hannah also has a healing factor, but it works slower than Robyn’s. Rohan partially compensates this with a faster regeneration in case of sight or hearing loss

common:

-memory link: Rohan’s memory is made up of all memories from robyn and hannah and her own, which are all stored into a neural, indestructible cloud. If one member loses all memories, just one tap on the body or fusing can make the lost memories come back. By proxy, the wildesavages share rohan’s memories and their own, this means no secrets between the couple in normal life

-feral state: if robyn is shot to the head, all her strenght and speed multiply by nine, but, as the name suggests, the nanomachines while healing the damage awaken her feral instincts, making her a savage beast. If this should happen to rohan, she would turn savage for a shorter time than robyn. Only few mammals and beings know how to tame while savage

infinity gems powers (they’re much more than the listed ones and some must be discovered): after being found out by Robyn and Hannah, six fragments of the infinity gems linked with them and grant more powers. while these powers are mostly used by rohah, robyn and hannah also use them separatly, abeit with less efficiency than their fusion. The fragments after rohan unlocked the infinity state, transformed into full gems

power (red):

-energy control and manipulation: the power gem allows rohan to manipulate all sorts of energy in any form, from kinetic to nuclear, and any way: force fields, power sharing, recharge, power overload…

-laser, maser wave or pulse energy blast: most importantly, rohan can use that enery to mimic and use a certain energy primarly for a laser blast; said power can manifest in a powerful shockwave or a presence that burns and slowls incapacitates everyone near her. Rohan could kill someone with her powers, but she chooses not to unless there’s no other choice, or her foe is unpowered and defenceless. In that case, she uses the power for knockback

-energy and power share: Rohan can gift some of her power to anybody else who needs it to strenghent him or her. This also applies to electronic devices

-maximum power state: when rohan unleashes the full power of the power fragment her body becomes glowing red in color and physically a pure manifestation of energy. In this form rohan is surrounded by energy vamps like a sun and is totally invincible. This form consumes a tremendous amout of energy, leaving her helpless when she stops, so rohan must use this as a last resort

Time (orange):

-time manipulation and travel: thanks to the time gem, Rohan can control time around her and with others. She can freeze a single moment, create a loop, rewind her own time or a recent situation and even age or de-age every living being. With the right amount of focus rohan can also travel through time

-time mastress state: at full strenght, the time fragment turns Rohan’s body orange and magical gears appear. In this form rohan’s time powers are amped up to ridiculous heights at the point rohan BECOMES time itself and is able of creating or erasing some events or a complete timeline. In the aftermath Rohan dissociates temporarly for three hours before her molecules line up

Reality (yellow):

-reality manipulation: the reality gem allows Rohan to bend the primary shape of everything around her at her will, always turning the situation to herself, like a wizard using magic. But if the power is used without limits, rohan could alter reality for a long time before fixing it, thus she has to be very careful when using the reality related powers

-creation of everything: this superpower allows Rohan to do everything she imagines: she can materialize a toy in front of her, turn water to fire of give herself new powers; the only things she can’t do are: copying powers related to the other gems (unless she temporarely gives new powers to other beings) and bring people back from the dead

-illusion and hologram control: rohan can create multiple copies of herself or turn temporarily a place in what she wants to with hard light

-reality bender state: this state renders rohan yellow and the surroundings in an area of 10 meters constantly shape. All the afromentioned powers are strengthened at the point rohan can create multiple universes at once. This state doesn’t consume much energy and it’s currnetly rohan’s most used super form

Soul (green):

-soul dislocation: with the power of the soul gem Rohan can either exit her body becoming a green ghost or force the enemy’s soul to exit the body, leaving both, rohan or the foe, numb and defenseless

-control and power over life: the soul power can also heal wounds, physical and broken morales, temporarely take back the dead as zombies or trap other souls into the fragment

-soul detector: Rohan can discover and make visible all ghosts (souls of dead beings), talk to the and even command them if necessary

-ability to travel to the soul realm: the soul gem hosts a pocket dimension called soul world; here all the souls of the dead live a neverending life of joy. Rohan can enter this world and take whoever she wants without turning them into ghosts and her soul powers within the world increase even more

-soul guardian state: in this state Rohan gets engulfed by green light and has total control over the spirits: she can evoke hordes of ghosts againts her foes, catch easily all souls within a certain range and gradually weaken everbody. The aftermath leaves Rohan internally weakened and unable to move, though she still can see everything happening around her with the same perception as someone in a dream

Mind (blue):

-mind control and other abilities: Rohan’s most basic abilities with the mind gem include: controlling the mind of the weak, shutting their mind down leaving them open for attacks, creating false memories, breaking brainwash and telepathic control on others and reading memories. Rohan is also immune to all mind-based powers; for example, she can’t be brainwashed

-mind link: Rohan can connect minds withan ally and see through its eyes. She can also talk to them in their mind by giving them advices and makes them immune to mind control. Usually though, Rohan uses this tecnique to calm down scared mammals since she can also alter emotions

-memory share: just by touching on the head somebody, Rohan can share her memories to other mammals

-brainstormer state: Rohan becomes all blue by entering this form and becomes able to access all the minds of a single planet she can go into. The aftermath isn’t as bad as the other, but it does leave her with a huge headache that lasts for five minutes after she exits this form

Space (purple):

-teleportation: Rohan can teleport herself in any place she wants. Where she goes depends on her memories of the place, or where she looks at. She can also teleport enemies or teammates away or where she wants too

-ability to control space and movements around: the space gem also allows Rohan to speed up, slow down or stop movements in a maximum area of three miles, usually by bloking foes in mid air or speeding her time up becoming faster from the eyes of the spectators. Rohan has also total control over gravity: she can increase it or decrease it to the point of nullification in a certain spot

-molecular dislocation: Rohan can phase out her molecules becoming intangible; while dislocated phisically, she can’t be hit or touched and can pass through any solid object. She can also phase out her opponents and stick them into solid objects, but she doesn’t use that power very often on normal, powerless criminals since she finds it brutal

-traveller state: Rohan’s last normal final state covers her body in purple light and nullifies gravity in an area of 50 miles. Rohan’s space powers heighten up exponetially at the point of teleporting an entire population on another planet or move planets herself. Rohan can also create gravity wells or black holes and dislocate entire armies. The aftermath leaves rohan intangible for one hour

common:

-immortality: since the infinity gems are part of the universe itself, Rohan and by proxy Robyn and Hannah can’t die in any way. If they should be disintegrated, their bodies would simply regenerate and their aging becomes stuck at the age of 25

-self awareness: this doesn’t mean rohan has total control over her senses, instead, rohan is fully aware she is an original invented fusion character by me, that their components were born from the mind of an irish, bisexual assistant surgeon and that their parents come from a very beloved disney classic movie. In few words, she can break the fourth wall

-SECR (acronysm for supreme energy coalescence ray): rohan can channel the power of the six fragments into a powerful, multi colored beam which can totally erase existance where it hits; she swore to use this power only if the enemy outranks her or in apocalyptic, near failure scenarios as her goal isn’t to cancel life. Rohan doesn’t need to enter the infinity state to use the SECR

-the snap: Rohan’s most powerful move definitively constist into the snap, where rohan uses all six gems and snaps her fingers to make every wish of hers come true. This time the aftermath is a mix of all the other aftermaths of the singular powered state of the fragments: namely, rohan becomes intangible, dislocated in time and soul, physicaly and mentally weakened for eight hours. The only way to carry her to safety is trapping her into an electrostatic box. When the “hangover” effects vanish, rohan wakes up with a giant headache. The snap has a cooldown of a year

-infinity state: even if the snap is indeed powerful, Rohan can enter the ultimate state by unlocking all the ultimate power states of the fragments and combing them. In this form, Rohan becomes totally white in color with gold shades. her powers heighten up to god-like levels and she’s able to use any power, steel blood or infinity based, heightened up, while accessing to every mind in the universe, bending all matter and reality at her own will, moving entire galaxies, controlling time while also having vision of future and past events and powering up every ally, no matter where they are or which species they are, temporarely gifting her powers to them. The aftermath effects are the same of the snap, but the time for the relocation lowers to two hours, and there’s no headache

weaponry, gadgets and arsenal:

-mega nightstick: Robyn uses a titanuim telescopic baton 1 meter long in combat, formed by two nightsticks and two handles which can simply split in two or also form two tonfas with the two handles. When Rohan plays the baton (which becomes 2 meters long with her) and it’s subweapons become harder than diamond. Each stick also has a hidden blade made out damascus steel with a diamond tip in case of tougher opponents

-constructo guns: Hannah’s primary weapons are two guns which can combine into other weapons after their upgrade: for example, a simple machine gun, a shotgun, a grenade launcher, a minigun and a small crossbow. They can also fire traquilizing pellets, laser shots or normal bullets

thanks to the realty fragment both weapons can combine into five other weapons, which also have powered up forms

- a baton with guns on each end; this doesn’t have a powered form, but it can still split and form two tonfa guns

- a javelin with a ninjato-like blade and a double barrel gun where the blade is placed. When powered, the guns spin in a circle and fire faster than a minigun while the blade knocks back enemies up to three miles

-a double sword with the central handle curved, a blade with an axe tip (like megatron’s sword on TF5) and a long barrel for sniping as long as the blade on each sword; normally it can also split up into two blades with curved handles, turn into a hi-tech bow or a giant boomerang. Powered up the guns shoot bullets and laser that pierce through everything, the blades cut even more (but not everything), the bow shoots further, its arrows strike harder and the boomerang locks onto the enemies until it gets them

-a halberd with a giant blade and a grenade barrel on top; this could be considered as a more brute version of the javelin since Rohan uses it for larger opponents. The powered form grants two additionals grenade launcher barrels and allows every strike to cut enemies or generate slices of pure red energy

-a baton that turns into a whip with a flick of the wrist and a double gun separated from the melee weapon unlike the previous four; the baton can let the tip and the rings of it’s whip form exit and let a yellow energy blade come out of the handle while the rings and the tip form a small shield. Powered up, the whip can generate small quakes where it lands, the shield assumes the aspect of a circual saw and the energy blade becomes able to slice through everything

(if you are confused and don’t know what the weapons look like, i can say that for some i got inspired from the weapons the praetorian guard from The Last Jedi wields)

volcano comet: while the nightstick, the guns and their combo forms are more than a match for any enemy, rohan wields a red, double bowed crossbow which can shoot tranq darts, arrows and laser beams at ligthspeed, for sniping attacks

concussion grenades: these grenades developed by Robyn and Hannah’s friend Olivia Dawson, create a shockwave that pushes everyone meters away from the explosion point

hacker spine: in honour of Marian Wilde “the Maid”, Robyn asked to graft into her suit a short-range hacking device which activates only whey she and hannah fuse and allows her to enter the enemies’ computers and devices, thus controlling them or shutting everything down

hyper goggles: Rohan’s domino mask contains many options into her lenses: x-rays, heat vision and ray beams

-fighting styles: boxing, MMA (mixed martial arts), blood ballet (a style invented by hannah which mixes dance styles and MMA), cloak and dagger strikes, teräs-kasi, shien, djem so and yuvo

small side notes:

-when dressed in civilian clothes, rohan sports her gems combined into a single rainbow gem embedded into a jade bracelet

As for her backstory, the link is here

And there she is; after months of working on her bio i’m finally proud to welcome the first zootopian fusion to the fandom. I hope you like her and if you wish to use her for a story or a fanart, message me first. I may add extra info later.

And to finish, here are the credits:

thanks to @crewefox for allowing me to use robyn, hannah, scarlet, bullet, aaron and other characters (too many to name) and helping me with the correction of the post

thanks to @jafethortiz who made the arts and the coloring

special thanks to @chickwithdreads and this post for giving me inspiration about the charater sheet

And last but not least, thanks to the whole zootopia fandom, who dedicate a bit of their time to admire the first zootopian fusion character

thank you and see you soon

the infinity gems, iron man, namor, mister fantastic, black bolt, doctor strange, professor x, the skrulls, the super skrull, the kree and ronan belong to Marvel®

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stonedopossums · 5 years

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your werewolf boyf's name is de Luca? also, what does your party consist of?

technically his name is Bingham but I straight up told the DM that was dumb as shit and he said “THEN YOU NAME HIM” and one of the other’s players was facetiming his boyfriend and his boyfriend whispered “Dan DeLuca” so de Luca just stuck

and our party consists of:

a halfling bard (Jenny), a dragonborn cleric (Earless), an orc barbarian (Aaron (the other gay one)), a human farmer-turned-rogue (me), and a weird mist that follows the party at a distance (the DM, Zefron). oh and now a werewolf npc, which is my boyfriend

#aaron's boyfriend is really into musicals and he loves dan deluca #richie answers #anonymous #dnd

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anais-mitchell · 6 years

Text

Hamilton Angelica Tour in Atlanta, 6/2/18 Evening

So, this was my first time EVER seeing Hamilton and being the extra person I am I had to document all my thoughts so I could remember everything I loved and share it with others! The cast was the full Angelica cast with Edred Utomi as Hamilton and Karli Dinardo as Peggy/Maria. Putting this review under a read more because it is LONG. If anyone has any specific questions about cast members or songs feel free to ask!

We were seated in left orchestra, and while there was no obstructed view there were moments where characters (often Eliza for some reason) were either blocked by someone else or had their back to us.

(I also credit the structure of these rambles to @fourteenacross whose Hamilton reviews are always so well thought out and insightful 💙)

Alexander Hamilton: I nearly passed out when I heard that first note. But this is just such a good introductory number, everyone played their parts very well. The staging is unique and beautiful and when the ensemble all sang together towards the end I felt it in my soul. The “me? I....” part was as striking as expected.

Aaron Burr, Sir: I could tell from the get-go Edred and Nicholas had awesome chemistry as Hamilton and Burr. The bursar lines were really funny. Edred seemed very deflated in his little “ha” after Burr’s advice. The squad introductions were predictably fun and Chris Lee’s dancing is a godsend.

My Shot: I lovedddd Edred in this song. He had so much energy with the squad and was very determined as Hamiton should be!!! Chris’s delivery of “anarchy” will never fail to crack me up, and Chaundre’s coat flip was awesome. Ruben got the crowd so pumped on the “rise up” bit which is one of my FAVORITE parts of the show. But my favorite part of this song was definitely Edred. He had a great little nervous “oh am I talking too loud?” and his “I imagine death” was so vulnerable and convincing. I loved seeing the sisters in the wings, I’m not sure if this was intentional but I almost saw Julia kinda staring longingly at Ham? Foreshadowing? Or me looking too much into things? Who knows?

The Story of Tonight: Edred and Ruben both have lovely singing voices which made this a 10/10 number. The camaraderie felt so real and it’s just such a sweet little number that I adore.

The Schuyler Sisters: All around so much fun. Karli’s Peggy wasn’t as pouty as some of my favorites but she was still very cute and got some laughs. Nicholas had a very funny delivery of “your daddy’s got money.” They all sounded amazing and had awesome energy!! But one of my favorite dumb details in this show is Eliza’s facial expressions during Angelica’s roast and downsides of being pretty far left, Burr was completely blocking Eliza from my frame of vision :(( still, overall great number and Sabrina especially slayed!

Farmer Refuted: Really funny. Edred’s Ham was so frustrated with this tiny guy because “he’s WRONG and I’m RIGHT and I need to SHOW HIM.” Lafayette distracting Burr in the back was a great detail as well.

You’ll Be Back: I thought this was done well, but honestly it might have been my least favorite king song of the show because he didn’t have many funny moments until the back half of the song. He did this growl on “and ever” that was hilarious, but to me the funniest part was the ensemble scurrying out SO QUICKLY when he called them and following his dance moves.

Redcoat transition got some audible gasps.

Right Hand Man: The beginning of this song where the Schuyler sisters and ensemble sing at the front of the stage then quickly run away is just one of my favorite little details of the show. Such captivating and almost haunting choreography. Carvens has AMAZING stage presence and such a powerful voice!! His Washington was so frustrated with everything and very authoritative. The cannon “BOOM”s were so loud in the theater and really brought you into the scene. Nicholas had a very funny delivery of “from a distance.” I loved loved loved the Schuyler sisters harmonizing in the wings as well.

A Winter’s Ball: This was the first of many moments where Nicholas used obviously fake cheeriness to cover up how annoyed Burr was with Hamilton to AMAZING effect. Chris looked so put out when Hamilton pushed him aside lmao. And I totally missed the faces of the guys towards the end bc I was watching Angelica and Eliza like YES THOSE ARE MY GIRLS. Whoops.

Helpless: Ahhh this was just so CUTE. You could actually hear Julia smiling through some lines, her Eliza was so smitten and pleading w Angelica. Edred and Julia had fantastic chemistry and you could so feel the love between them. Julia had a wonderfully “wtf” reaction to “Angelica tried to take a bite of me.” Also, I owe my life to all her riffs. She has such a lovely vibrant voice that reverberated through the theater so well.

Satisfied: This is my favorite song in the whole show and Sabrina did not disappoint. First of all, seeing the “rewind” bit live is SO COOL. I loved that Sabrina genuinely played it as feeling a real emotional and romantic connection to Hamilton but also was so protective of Eliza and knew she couldn’t have him. She was the perfect blend of Angelica’s stoicism and emotion. And oh god THE BRIDGE. That scene where it’s just Angelica, Eliza, and Hamilton on stage and Angelica looks absolutely gutted as she delivers the “at least...” part and Eliza has this huge smile.... ugh just rip my heart out. No fancy riffs in the end but she did it well. Sabrina’s ending was heartbreaking and the staging w Angelica totally alone on stage was :((( I want to hug her. Fun tidbit: when Eliza and Burr are dancing, Burr was doing this SUPER dorky dance I can’t even explain and Eliza had the funniest look on her face.

The Story of Tonight (Reprise): They were all v drunk and silly and I loved it. Literally any scene Lafayette was in, Chris Lee was doing all kinds of weird dance moves that cracked me up. When Laurens was teasing Burr about Theodosia, Mulligan came up behind Burr and did this huge exaggerated thrusting motion that had me DYING. Edred’s “oh shit” was everything. In the final few lines after Hamilton said “what are you waiting for?”, Nicholas did this little almost resentful laugh that was like, “you could never understand.” Such a great dichotomy between these two characters and the actors did it so well.

Wait For It: First of all, Nicholas has an incredible voice and great stage presence and he rocked this number. I was fully captivated. Also, he got some laughs on “I’m keeping the bed warm while her husband is away” and “Theodosia she’s mine” which I’ve never heard laughs on? However, he had a REALLY BAD line flub that made me cringe but he recovered well. In the bridge part, he lowkey started singing the lyrics to The Word Was Wide Enough and then had like 5 seconds of silence before catching it again YIKES. But he made up for it doubly by going SO HARD on the final chorus w amazing emotion and intensity. You so felt Burr’s philosophy and wanted to root for him so badly. Loved it.

Stay Alive: I absolutely loved the little bit with the Bullet just skirting over Hamilton at the beginning. Robbie Nicholson’s Charles Lee was SO ANNOYING. It was perfect. The instrumentals of this number are superb as well. I really enjoyed Eliza and Angelica's presence in the balcony as well, Julia riffed a little bit on the “stay alive”s and it sounded very good. The Lams moment at the end was subtle but definitely there.

Ten Duel Commandments: I just really enjoy the staging of this song and the use of the turntable. I know I keep talking about the minute deliveries of Nicholas’s Burr, but THEY WERE SO GOOD. His “can we agree that duels are dumb and immature?” and “okay so we’re doing this” were just comic gold.

Meet Me Inside: INTENSE. Carvens basically bellowed his first “meet me inside.” Edred was super argumentative and pissed up until “call me son one more time” where he realized he messed up. Carvens “go home” was very firm but not yelled or whispered.

That Would Be Enough: Julia is a star. This number was just all kinds of cute, she was super touchy and physically affectionate with him and they really tugged on my heartstrings. Also she had one of my favorite touches that Solea did where she holds her belly on “and we could be enough” and her final “enoughhhh” had such a nice vibrato. The ending pose warmed my heart. Such a touching little song.

Guns and Ships: I LOVE CHRIS LEE!!!! His rapping was very crisp even with the accent and he had hella energy. His Lafayette was so eager and energetic. Something you don’t see in bootlegs is how COOL the choreography of passing Washington’s letter to Hamilton is. The Hamliza goodbye was very sweet, Edred touched her belly and she looked very sad.

History Has Its Eyes On You: Carvens has such a captivating and strong singing voice. All the harmonies of the ensemble and the ensemble singing together were transcendent.

Yorktown: Hi again I still love Chris Lee. It felt really good to clap for “immigrants, we get the job done.” You could really feel Edred’s emotion on the part about Eliza and his energy throughout the number was amazing. Jennifer Geller was mesmerizing as the bullet and I adored her part with Ruben. Mulligan’s rap WENT HARD Chaundre really brought it. Also I would like to reiterate my love for Carvens his “not yet” was so powerful!!! That emphasis!! I have never felt more alive than when the entire ensemble was singing at the end and all the chants. Another hidden gem of this number: on the second “the world turned upside down,” I could CLEARLY hear Raven Thomas doing a lil riff and it was much appreciated I was kinda sad to not see her as a sister.

What Comes Next?: This was funny.

Dear Theodosia: Nicholas and Edred had gorgeous harmonies together. A lovely and simple number that worked so well with the two of them.

Laurens Interlude: OUCH. Between Hamilton, Laurens, Lafayette, and Mulligan I didn’t even know who to look at. Hamilton looked so gutted, he was gripping the chair and just seemed devastated. Laf and Herc were in the balcony reading the letters and Lafayette gave a little salute and Mulligan just took a drink. Ruben had a very mournful and sad delivery and the stare between him and Edred towards the end was just heart wrenching. They definitely played up Lams in this scene.

Non Stop: I seriously love this number. Edred and Nicholas play so well off of each other. Edred had awesome energy and totally internalized the whole persistence and blind determination of Hamilton in this number. I completely missed his little flourish on “I practically perfected it” tho FOR VALID REASON and that reason was Nicholas delivering the line “he’s just non stop” with the ensemble through gritted teeth and a fake ass smile which was PRICELESS. Nicholas’s “okay” after “you’re a better lawyer than me” was really high pitched and funny. After Hamilton left, Burr like chased him down during “I’ll keep all my plans close to my chest” and it seemed like Burr was just desperately trying to prove to Hamilton that MY WAY OF DOING THINGS IS JUST AS GOOD AS YOURS, one of many excellent little character moments Nicholas threw in bless him. Edred and Sabrina had excellent chemistry in that tiny bit, his long stare at her was painful. “The other 51!!!” was just as emphatic as I could have hoped for. Julia’s “Alexander... AlexANDER” was pissed and I loved it, the final 30 seconds were beautiful. Julia has amazing riffs that sound so clear even when the whole ensemble is singing. Edred’s last “I am not throwing away my shot!!” was so LOUD lmao what an amazing number though it was a perfect Act 1 closer.

What’d I Miss?: After seeing Act 1, I knew Chris’s Jefferson would just be above and beyond, and I was so not disappointed. @ontheupandupagain said something in her tags the other day that he has such a good singing voice in this song AND HE REALLY DOES, his voice is like silk. But the acting was just invariably hilarious. His best scenes as Jefferson were playing off of Chaundre’s Madison though. Chaundre coughed into his hand and then shook Chris’s hand with it and his face was just like, “what the fuck dude?” and I thought it was SO FUNNY. He also did so much crazy stuff with his extra af coat which I loved.

Cabinet Battle #1: This was highkey the funniest number in the show. Chris and Chaundre had so many tiny little flourishes that had me in stitches. Ex. Chris getting ALLL in Edred’s face, Chris dropping the mic and Chaundre trying to pick it up but fanning it like it was too hot, Chaundre being so offended by “getting high with the French” that he literally shoved an ensemble member out of their chair and had to fan himself, them delivering “you don’t have the votes” with dance moves in PERFECT synchronization. Ugh so good. Edred was really good in this too, his mimicking of Jefferson’s dance moves was hilarious and he went v hard in his bit. After Jefferson and Madison left, he was very indignant w Washington like “I’m right!!! Listen to me!!!”

Take a Break: Julia and Ruben were very cute. Philip was tapping his legs like a little kid while playing the piano which was very in character. I thought Ruben’s Philip rap was very good! He was nervous until like the last two lines and then had such a funny victorious run up the stairs. But again, left orchestra probs, Edred was totally blocking my view of Julia beatboxing :( And god bless Edred for having equal amounts of chemistry with both Sabrina and Julia. The “my dearest Angelica” hits you right in the heart and Sabrina was almost fearfully hopeful but then dismissed it right away. Julia and Sabrina had awesome harmonies, and the bit where Angelica tried to go after him and Eliza stops her will never not hurt me.

Say No To This: Edred was very actively narrating to the audience in the beginning so you could definitely tell everything Maria did was through his retelling. His first “show me how to say no to this” got laughs which was kinda weird. One part of his performance that was so unique was that his “fuuuuu-” was very exasperated and funny more than downright shocked and horrified. Karli definitely played Maria as more of a victim too, she looked so panicked during the middle bit. Her “stay” note was AWESOME. One bit that tugged at the heartstrings was after James Reynolds clipped his whip thing, she stared at Hamilton very longingly and it almost seemed like a cry for help. I really liked the way all of them did this number.

The Room Where It Happens: Okay so this was definitely the best performance of the whole show. Hands down. Nicholas ran the gamut of Burr’s emotions from frustration to anger to horror to unbridled ambition. I can’t even really comment on Chris, Chaundre, or Edred because of how captivating Nicholas was. One touch I really liked was when Jefferson and Madison were planning for the meeting, Burr was aggressively pointing at them to the audience like “look at them!!! look how corrupt they are!!!” But yeah he tore that ending up on Leslie and Josh levels. There was huge applause MIDWAY THROUGH THE ENDING. He went so so so hard, literally slamming on the floor in just an unhinged state of finally letting go of his calculated demeanor. Such a huge shift for Burr and a showstopper in every sense of the word. Ugh I have chills just remembering it.

Schuyler Defeated: “They don’t like you” was delivered to great effect. Burr was almost nagging Hamilton towards the end as Hamilton walked away. These two just really had endlessly great chemistry.

Cabinet Battle #2: Very good all around. They were both super frustrated, and all the typical funny lines were very funny. I think Edred could have gone a just a little bit harder on “you must be out of your goDDAMN MIND” but hey that’s a very minute complaint. Chris got all up in his face for “Daddy’s calling.”

Washington On Your Side: Jefferson’s “wtf” face when Burr shows up will never not amuse me. And Chaundre’s “which I wrote!” was so indignant. They were all very calculating through the whole number and the crescendo of the song pumped me up so hard. 11/10 guys.

One Last Time: This was my favorite number Carvens did by far. His Washington was very desperate to have let a good impact on his country but in a very different way than Hamilton is. Edred’s reactions to all the different bits, especially “Jefferson started it,” were great. And I’d be lying if I said the ending didn’t draw some tears to my eyes, Carvens has such a powerful voice and this song is so cathartic.

I Know Him: I enjoyed it. The lines that are usually funny were funny.

The Adams Administration: Nicholas almost broke because of the king bouncing, but he kept it together. The “sit down” bit was predictably very funny. i loved how conniving Jefferson, Burr, and Madison were at the end, especially how Chris said “let’s let him know, what we know.”

We Know: Hamilton was kinda dismissive when he first said “Secretary Jefferson” but slowly realized something was up by “what is this?” He was very frantic to discredit their accusations. Chris’s “my God” was so disgusted and he was on such a high horse it was HILARIOUS. It totally reminded me of Gina Linetti high horsing Amy in the Season 1 B99 Thanksgiving episode, it was that good. Also, Eliza and Philip in the balcony was a subtle but heartbreaking touch.

Hurricane: I would literally die for the staging, lighting, and choreography of this song. Some of the light changes just hit you straight in the heart and all the choreography with the ensemble holding the chairs is so good. As for the actual performance, I think Edred was the perfect balance between Lin’s quieter emotions and Michael’s almost rage like intense emotions. He got kinda choked up at the part about his mother which ouch. Edred just had a lovely voice too which really shone through in this song.

The Reynolds Pamphlet: This song is EXPLOSIVE live. Chris was so thrilled and Edred was so defensive. Philip was so upset seeing the pamphlet. And oh god, when Angelica showed up Hamilton was so relieved but she yanked away so quickly and she genuinely seemed pained to do so. She was so so hurt and angry, she almost looked on the verge of tears because she had sacrificed so much for him and Eliza and he just threw it away. She almost spit out “god I hope you’re satisfied” into his face and raised a finger in his face, it looked like she could hit him. Rather than staying in his face like Renee did, Sabrina was so angry she left right away. And the dancing in the middle of the stage was definitely the funniest thing the king did.

Burn: UGHHHHH MY HEART. First of all, Julia’s voice is just beautiful on its own. But she really brought the emotion in this. She was so devastated and betrayed, and the fact that she played Eliza as so utterly in love with Hamilton before just really fucked me up. She barely choked out the “I’m” after the long pause. Her ending was super angry though but it was all anger coming from real sadness and hurt. After her final line, she did this little choked sob that just put the nail in my coffin of love for Eliza. This whole song I was just fully engrossed and probably had my mouth just hanging wide open.

Blow Us All Away: I whispered “oh no” to my dad at the beginning of this. Ruben’s Philip was so confident and idealistic and the father/son scene just made you want to scream at Hamilton. Little observation, Eacker’s cape is so swooshy and the actor was playing around with it so much. But yeah this Eacker seemed so much older than Ruben’s Philip and there was a definite power imbalance. Ruben seemed really nervous right before :( and oh god, when he shot on seven my heart just dropped to my stomach because WHY IS THIS HAPPENING. The whole theater gasped.

Stay Alive (Reprise): :(((( Edred’s Hamilton was so panicked and desperate. You could tell he really internalized it when Philip said “I did exactly what you said Pop” and was horrified that this was partially his fault. And Julia just ran out with tears already in her eyes and it was just over for me. She was so motherly and you could tell this was just her worst fear of something bad happening to her son. Ruben didn’t expressly play it like he was dying but he definitely seemed terrified and in pain and didn’t have the Musical Theatre Death Smile which thank god. You could hear a pin drop when the heartbeat stopped, and Julia did a version of the scream that was more like a sob but wow I was in pain. And she yanked that hand away from Hamilton so quickly. It was like she felt he didn’t deserve to mourn with her.

It’s Quiet Uptown: My god, what an intimate and beautiful piece of theatre. I cried which was a given. But really, between Hamilton, Angelica, Eliza, and the ensemble, the grief is so raw and powerful. There are some staging bits I never noticed before, like the ensemble kneeling and doing the sign of the cross during the lines about church. Edred was SO CHOKED UP during some lines. You could just feel how much regret he felt and how he realized how much he’s messed up everything. His delivery of “and you would smile, and that would be enough” was particularly gut wrenching. Sabrina’s voice was beautiful and so sympathetic in this song too which just added to all the poignancy. And then UGH. When Julia’s Eliza took his hand she was just so tired and relieved and devastated. Edred was audibly sobbing (so was I.) This scene is just the perfect encapsulation of the unconditional love Hamilton and Eliza had for each other and Edred and Julia’s performance was just so :(((

The Election of 1800: Chris Lee dramatically saying “Can we get back to politics?” and Chaundre Hall-Broomfield saying “Please?” through tears is really just the best way to get an audience full of crying people to laugh. Burr was SO FAKE during this song I loved it. His reactions to the voters was priceless, and when he greeted Hamilton with “Alexander!” he had such a fake ass smile and exclamation with his arms spread out for a hug; it was GOLDEN. Edred was so emphatic when he said “Burr has none” and Nicholas seemed so personally betrayed. And of course, the ending was flawless. Burr was trying so hard to go back into his cheery public persona but Jefferson just wanted nothing to do with him.

Your Obedient Servant: Burr was LIVID at the beginning of this song. Nicholas had such a great buildup to his anger. The back and forth between the two was just so good through the whole song and they hit the comedic bits right on. But the actual challenge part was very “shit’s about to go down.”

Best of Wives, Best of Women: They were such a good Hamliza pair :( so soft, so in love, so pure.

The World Was Wide Enough: Both Nicholas and Edred were just on their A-game for this song. It seemed like Nicholas, for the first half, was really trying to justify to the audience that he was doing the right thing and that Hamilton was a bad person who deserved this. His “this man will not make an orphan of my daughter” was heart wrenching. And props to Jennifer Geller for being a fantastic Bullet, especially in this song. Edred’s monologue was so mesmerizing; every word was delivered with purpose and you really got the vibe that he just wanted more time. And I truly think that “rise up, Eliza!” and then “my love, take your time; I’ll see you on the other side” is one of the most emotionally impactful moments in the whole show. My heart just stopped. My heart also stopped on the shot because woww ouch. You could instantly feel Burr’s regret and just overall thought of “what did I just do?” Angelica and Eliza looked so sad when they came out. The final bit, with Burr alone in the middle of the stage and Hamilton looking down on him from the balcony, and then the light going out on Hamilton is just genius direction. Nicholas had a really dramatic pause on “for Hamilton and.... me.”

Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story: The instrumentals of this song alone make me tear up. Sabrina was so fierce coming out for her part and I loved it. And then was Julia came out as Eliza I was just a mess. “I live another 50 years” was delivered particularly well. She was so frantic trying to ensure she had done everything, and then there was that moment of beautiful clarity with the orphanage. God bless Julia K. Harriman and God bless Eliza Hamilton. The ending with Hamilton and Eliza was absolutely breathtaking and the perfect final moment of their love, and Julia’s gasp was everything.

Edred Utomi as Hamilton: I will admit, I was a little bummed to be missing Austin Scott as I’ve heard great things about him. But I was so impressed by Edred! He had killer chemistry with Julia, Sabrina, Nicholas, Ruben, Chris, Carvens, Karli and basically everyone with whom he interacted. His singing and rapping voices were both equally good. I did prefer his Act 2 to his Act 1 though as I think he was more comfortable and really thrived in some of the more emotional numbers i.e. It’s Quiet Uptown in which he absolutely destroyed me. I really have no complaints, he did everything a great Hamilton needs to do and was such a nice guy at stage door. I hope he gets a lot more opportunities to go on in the future and maybe even a principal role in a company.

Julia K. Harriman as Eliza: I was so excited to see Julia as she was amazing in First Burn and the audios I’ve heard of her. Her journey as Eliza was so heartbreaking because she was genuinely so in love with Hamilton and was so betrayed and sad by the events of Act 2 :( she was a very good mix of an angry Eliza and a sad Eliza but she conveyed her inner strength so well. I can’t even pick a favorite number for her because she wowed me in every song she sang. Plus, her voice is just out of this world and I would love to hear her do some recording in the future.

Nicholas Christopher as Burr: If you couldn’t tell from my review, his Burr was one of the best parts of the show. This role suits him perfectly and he was able really make you sympathize with Burr. It’s such a complex role to play and he did it with aplomb; he had a very distinct difference between Burr’s almost corny fake public persona and his inner ambition and drive. His final verse of Wait for It and his entire Room were religious experiences, plus he was so emotionally impactful in The World Was Wide Enough. I also loved that his Burr was so funny! Burr is usually not a comedic role but he had a much more subtle humor than the characters who are explicitly played for laughs and he had me cracking up. He had so many little moments of characterization that made the payoff in the end that much more worth it. He is now right up there with my all time favorite Burrs and I would kill to see him again.

Sabrina Sloan as Angelica: I knew of Sabrina before she was cast because of her run as Vanessa in ITH, and I was super excited as she was a Vanessa I really enjoyed. She so did not disappoint. I feel like the role of Angelica is being turned into a mostly “sassy” role and sassy can sometimes cross into bitchy or straight up unlikable, but Sabrina really made you feel all of Angelica’s emotions and that is exactly the kind of actress that my favorite character deserves. I obviously loved her in Satisfied because that song is the very thesis of Angelica as a character, but she was also so good in Reynolds Pamphlet and Take a Break. In the gran scheme of the play, Angelica does not get that much to do despite being one of the most well written and complex characters imo, but Sabrina forced you to be so invested in Angelica and feel her every feeling. I adored her.

Carvens Lissaint as Washington: Superb. For those of you who don’t know, Carvens used to tour as a poet before musical theatre and that honestly helped his performance so much. He knew exactly what words to emphasize to punch you right in the gut; his “not yet” was seriously so good how does one make two words so powerful. He has all the gravitas of CJack and has a very gospel-esque voice that he put to WORK in One Last Time. I was so thrilled to see him in this role and I can only wonder what his Burr and Laf/Jeff were like on Broadway.

Chris Lee as Lafayette/Jefferson: THE ACTUAL STAR OF THE SHOW. Listen I am a person who gets very annoyed by the emphasis of Jefferson as a character over the females and Burr in the fandom but god Chris Lee is a revelation I am so sad he is leaving but infinitely glad I was able to see him. Everything he did was so funny. In Act 1, if you looked in the background of any scene he was doing these little body roll dance moves and in Act 2 he just had this super jazzy and unbothered swagger when he walked which were both amazing. His singing is also super underrated as this is not a singing heavy part but he riffed all over the place in What’d I Miss and Story of Tonight. All of his little flourishes in the Cabinet Battles were just golden and he played so well off of Chaundre and Edred. Definitely my favorite Laf/Jeff so far.

Rubén J. Carbajal as Laurens/Philip: He has a man bun now! I enjoyed him more than I thought I would. I wasn’t particularly wowed by him in the bootleg but seeing him live was different. This role is really small but I think it can be one of the best parts of the show when really done well, and while I don’t think Ruben reached that level, he definitely didn’t fall into some of the tropes I really dislike for that character like the smiley death scene or the complete lack of chemistry between Laurens and Hamilton. (Seriously, the boy is 19 and dying I will never understand why some performers insist on making it seem like he’s all mature about it Philip should be TERRIFIED it irks me.)

Chaundre Hall-Broomfield as Mulligan/Madison: I thought he was awesome. His Mulligan was very brash and booming like Oak’s which I liked, and he went really hard during the Yorktown rap. His Madison was FANTASTIC against Chris’s Jefferson. He was such a sweet guy at the stage door too.

Karli Dinardo as Peggy/Maria: She was announced as an understudy right before the show started and she was good! She didn’t really wow me but it’s such a small part I was satisfied with what she did. I preferred her Maria to her Peggy because she was able to add some emotional nuance to the character. She has a really nice voice so that helped. It would have been cool to see Isa but I’m not disappointed, I thought Karli’s performance was super well done.

Peter Matthew Smith as King George III: Good! All King George’s blend together for me honestly but he was funny.

Ensemble: Every moment where the entire company sang together was heavenly and filled the theater so perfectly. The choreography of this whole show is just so great and they were all amazing dancers and added so much to every scene they were in. Appreciate ensemble 2kforever. Jennifer Geller was an excellent bullet and really drew your eye in every scene. Like I said before, Raven’s voice really stood out in some parts which I loved.

Stagedoor: It was kinda awkward because nobody really cheered or anything when the cast came out? But everyone was really nice. Julia, Chaundre, Karli, Edred, and Robbie Nicholson all came out and were super nice and took pictures. I was next to a little girl and they were all so sweet to her. Chaundre passed out flyers for their BCEFA event on Monday too which was cool. When Edred came out someone next to me said they cried and Edred was like “me too!” lol. But there was one girl next to me who was pushing and kept calling the male cast members “dad” and asking when Chris would come out which ugh. We left after Edred bc our ride was there and I think Chris came out after him bc I could hear cheering down the street rip.

If you’ve made it this far thanks for reading my rambles, I enjoyed it so much and couldn’t ask for a better first Hamilton cast! It went above my sky-high expectations and I cannot wait until I get another chance to see it, whenever in the future that may be.

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ahouseoflies · 6 years

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Best Films of 2017, Part IV

We’re getting closer. Part I, Part II, Part III. GOOD MOVIES 42. A Quiet Passion (Terence Davies)- I think the biggest strength of this film, a pretty conventional one by Davies's standards, is a drive inward that is steady but not judgmental. Dickinson's retreat isn't treated as tragedy, but as a natural trajectory that was there in the first scene. (A lot of the heavy lifting is done by Emma Bell, the actress who plays young Emily with constancy.) The life of the mind is a lonely one, but there isn't much choice in the matter. The film moves along in a leisurely way, matching the long days of such privileged people, and it's funny until the bon mots drift into Frank Underwood territory that doesn't make sense. And the parts of the movie that don't work, the ones that succumb to the biopic mold, feel like that: told in the cadence of a joke but a bit empty. 41. Stronger (David Gordon Green)- For most of its running time, Stronger is a raw film bolstered by searing, sharply felt lead performances. It doesn't take the easy way out or succumb to cliche, suggesting that, gasp, maybe being a symbol for an entire city could be exhausting and frustrating. Then, quite quickly, it gives in to all of the cliches. The conversation with Carlos would have been an awesome deleted scene. 40. Split (M. Night Shyamalan)- Shyamalan flat-out knows how to make this kind of movie. It's not without its faults--can you even complain about his tendency to cast himself anymore?--but his cross-cutting game hasn't slipped a beat. The film is composed and patient, but it doesn't trespass the self-indulgent line the way that some of his earlier work does. Some of the abuse stuff is handled clumsily, but I suppose it has to match the touch of the psychology material, which can only be breezy and flippant. Here's what's different about the filmmaker's approach: Shyamalan hasn't guided many actors to great performances. (I guess Haley Joel Osment is still number one.) But this movie is James McAvoy's performance. He gets to have fun technically by switching back and forth among the personas, but the serious business is the fact that the whole thing's tone rests on his shoulders. Like many successful B movies, it has a fluidity that allows the audience to laugh at it, laugh with it, or be genuinely scared--sometimes in a span of minutes. If McAvoy hadn't gone all the way, the movie wouldn't have been able to.

39. Molly’s Game (Aaron Sorkin)- This movie has a lot of the things that make me love movies. A scene in which someone flushes drugs down the toilet and hides valuables because the feds are coming. Self-effacing but rousing speeches that reference classic literature. An "I'm good for it" sequence dedicated to someone's gambling downward spiral. Cleavage. But all of the things I'm describing are window dressing, and this is maybe the first Aaron Sorkin screenplay that has more fat than meat, as tasty as that fat may be. The film's thesis shines in Idris Elba's strangely-accented monologue, the one that starts with "Is this what a RICO suspect looks like?" It seems to suggest that the world is indeed rigged against women, but it might be because they have more integrity than men, which makes it more difficult for them to succeed. It's an interesting notion, and the figure at the center of the film might be perfect to prove it, but there are so many flashbacks and scenes that feel obligatory to get us there. 38. Star Wars: The Last Jedi (Rian Johnson)- Good, if micro-managed in the way that a film-as-shareholder-commodity has to be. It's interesting to me that, though there are only nine movies that take place in this universe, the storytelling is more codified than any other genre I can think of. Even though it's less clinical than The Force Awakens, The Last Jedi has to jump through an inordinate number of hoops to be "a Star Wars movie." No matter how these are sold, they all have the same beats. That history is a gift in some ways. Even though we haven't heard from him in thirty-plus years, Jedi Master Luke's personality tracks in every way. It makes total sense how he would hold people up as symbols instead of personalities, and the movie benefits from the archetypes its predecessors have created. On the other hand, I think we spend thirty minutes on a mission that fails, and the movie hangs Finn out to dry. It's a sort of Empire mandate that the characters have to be separated from one another for the majority of the running time, and that makes for a strained middle section. I get that people like these movies because they're engineered and manicured for maximum pleasure, and I cherish the goofy bits like the drunk creature thinking BB-8 is a slot machine. Maybe these just aren't for me. Until I cry at the end. 37. Win It All (Joe Swanberg)- It ends abruptly and doesn't get as psychological as it could, but Win It All is designed for maximum pleasure. There are a few inventive gestures that make for a jaunty hang--I loved the superimposed counter that showed how up or down Eddie's bankroll was. Jake Johnson, who co-wrote, has real rakish chops. 36. American Made (Doug Liman)- It's helpful to compare this movie to T.C.'s summer disaster The Mummy, which cast him as a static rake. Doug Liman presents the same smiling mug, but he punches a few holes into the persona, letting us see the shortcomings of T.C.'s Barry Seal if not the delusional quality that the actual man must have had. (The movie tries to sell us on boredom as the main motivation for a near-suicide mission, but it was probably more complex than that.) The actor is at his best when he lets himself seems slightly dumb, when the audience is a few steps ahead of him. Luckily, that's the whole film. It helps that this is the first Liman movie since the original Bourne Identity to have a vibrant "stolen" quality to its visuals. American Made careens through its beats at a breakneck pace, and the biggest flaw of the movie is that it remains that fast at the end, when we need more answers. 35. Mudbound (Dee Rees)- A true ensemble, Mudbound has a deft hand with its own emotional effects. Dee Rees knows the moments that matter--the reunion of father and son after the War is unforgettable--and she nails them. The ending is a poignant culmination of a lot of momentum. Much of the film's success comes from real Movie Stars, Jason Mitchell chief among them, elevating their characters past types though. And some of them don't get there all the way. Jason Clarke's Henry is pretty much Unfeeling Man's Man Farmer and Jonathan Banks is totally Racist Pappy. (Not a joke: His character is actually called Pappy.) In the end, I can't help but suspect that similar characters and situations--he drinks to forget what he's seen!--haven't been staged better elsewhere.

34. Raw (Julia Ducournau)- These types of movies--by that I mean late New French Extremity, I guess--have to go too far. If they didn't, they would lose the perverse aesthetic high ground that they're all so smug about. So it goes too far, but I would like to show Raw to someone making, say, an X-Men movie because Julia Ducournau crafts more immersive world-building in twenty minutes than some of those movies do in multiple entries. The beginning was jagged, but when the storytelling settled into itself, it reminded me of Repulsion because the taboo that guides Raw starts out as a metaphor, then becomes a device, then becomes literal, and then it circles back around to metaphor. Maybe that journey is the reason it exists. 33. Get Out (Jordan Peele)- I saw this movie twice. The first time I was kind of cavalier about it. The line I said at parties was: “I personally prefer genre movies that let you attach social commentary to them. The subtext is the text here.” Knowing the film's secrets the second time around helped me to appreciate the performances better, especially in the powerhouse hypnotism scene. Kaluuya has to play an everyman but also, for obvious reasons, an everyman who stands out. The balance of vulnerability and heroism that he pulls off is impressive, armed with a fake-smile that is perfect for the micro-aggressions he has to stand and take. Chris embodies a civility that lets him stay in the house past his level of comfort, but he’s smart enough to insist on leaving when some horror protagonists would get illogical. I still think the film escalates a bit too quickly from suspicion to actual danger, and, man, I don't know what that TSA investigation tangent is doing at such a crucial moment. But I'll admit that I didn't give the film enough credit in February. Comedies of manners are common; horrors of manners are rare. 32. Logan Lucky (Steven Soderbergh)- From a screenwriting perspective, there are probably two schools of thought for heist movies. Approach A outlines every detail of the plan; that way, when the characters overcome their challenges, we are more impressed because we were warned of the dangers in advance. Approach B leaves the viewer in suspense, and the hurdles pop up for the viewer in a way that mirrors the characters' surprise. I prefer Approach A, and I think there's a degree of difficulty that can't be discounted there. In fact, there's a sort of joy of exposition that is unique to the heist genre and jives with Approach A. Logan Lucky operates mostly on plane B, and it frustrated me at first in what seems like a sterile, straight first act. But then, as I try to avoid spoilers, it goes so far past what we thought the heist would be, and it branches out into Soderberghian "what was actually happening during that time" territory. I had to re-evaluate my prejudices as I joined in on the fun. Despite the inevitable "What It Did Wrong" YouTubes that some killjoy will make, I didn't notice any narrative cheating. Daniel Craig is the eye in the zany storm. 31. The Big Sick (Michael Showalter)- I feel slightly diminishing returns with each super-autobiographical portrait of a comedian. As heart-wrenching as this one gets, it follows the beats that we're used to, right down to the rock-bottom argument with a fast food cashier. Cue the twenty different endings and the uninspired visual style. But why be a sour-puss when faced with a movie so sincere and eager to please? Besides keeping all of the subplot plates spinning, besides being fair to the female character, the film offers original moments and ideas. The triangle that emerges among Nanjiani, Romano, and Hunter authentically captures the way decorum frost melts once two generations realize their common ground. And "the movie that a guy shows a girl to test her taste on a third date" is something that I myself am guilty of, but I haven't seen it portrayed in a film. What isn't unique in the big structural picture is completely unique in certain moments. 30. The Belko Experiment (Greg McLean)- Its ending is only "good enough," but The Belko Experiment is my kind of ultraviolent trash. I would be perfectly happy if we could get the White Stripes of Experiment movies on odd years and alternate them with The Strokes of Purge movies on even years. For one reason or another, empathy machine John Gallagher, Jr. is still in his Hi, Mom! or Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight phase. When he gets his Taxi Driver, watch out.

29. The Lego Batman Movie (Chris McKay)- I laughed twice during the opening production logos. Of course it devolves into everyone teaming up to save the city, as the straight versions of these movies do, but The Lego Batman Movie, especially in its lower stakes first half, was one of the funniest films of the year. I'm kind of thrilled that the satirizing of tropes I cherished from the margins in the '90s is now de rigeur, sponsored by the same studio that has shoved cliches down our throats. Will Arnett deserves special mention for inhabiting this specific version of Batman so well that he makes you rethink 70+ years of the character's make-up. It's no small feat. This movie, yes, probably counts as a slip-up of my superhero ban. I didn’t realize that until I was halfway through.

28. A Cure for Wellness (Gore Verbinski)- This is a difficult film to recommend because, if the person you're talking to cares only about story, he won't like it. It's strained and sometimes illogical, a "you can never leave" story that has been around the block a few times. But look out for the Miami Viceans on here when this film gets reconsidered for its visuals because, I'm telling you now, A Cure for Wellness has the most stately and controlled images this side of Kubrick. It's a perfect reference Blu-Ray if you still care about such things. Verbinski is credited with the story, and I doubt he told the screenwriter much more than "water, wrinkled faces, the color white," but he does some things with that sandbox that I haven't seen before. 27. It Comes at Night (Trey Edward Shults)- It Comes at Night never completely explains its own horror conceit of encroaching "sickness"; even by the end, there's a lot that we don't know about the apparently apocalyptic event that has singled out the characters. That presence of an absence is the film's greatest strength--it allows us to attach to the human frailty at the center without distraction. However, it's the film's greatest weakness as well because it's what keeps the proceedings small, like a cost-cutting measure. In capturing bleak human frailty, Trey Edward Shults knows exactly what he's doing. He uses literal darkness to suggest emotional darkness, and his script guides the viewer along character arcs without holding anyone's hand. A character uses the word "brother-in-law" instead of "brother" and, because of the context, it produces as much of a gasp as a gunshot would. I didn't recognize Riley Keough at first, which is an excellent sign for a young actress. There's a moment when her character catches another character eyeing her breasts, and she tugs her shirt with a unique mixture of flattery and shame. I can't wait to see what she does next. 26. Wind River (Taylor Sheridan)- If a movie has a scene of #RennerSeason making his own bullets, then my fingers won't let me give it lower than three stars. He's amazing/hilarious in this as the know-it-all spirit warrior--basically Steven Seagal in a better actor's body. He's perfect for squinting and selling lines like, "You keep looking for clues...but you're missing all the signs." Taylor Sheridan's screenplay is tight and meticulous in a way that we used to get all the time but feels special now. The backstory is doled out with care, and every character is rich enough to get a moment to shine. He shoots his own material with less visceral impact than someone like Denis Villeneuve did, but he does lend a specific sense of place to the film.There's a crucial late scene that sort of solves the mystery for us, making everything that comes after seem like falling action baggage. Your mileage may vary, but I'm not sure there are other ways to get across the information. I was okay with it. 25. The Post (Steven Spielberg)- The Post is a great time at the movies, but it's ultimately a bit too much of a movie for me. It has a hand-held lightness to its look, an energy that belies how quickly it was made. Streep's Kate Graham has a satisfying arc that eschews a lot of the grandstanding that this type of picture would normally lend her. Her lesson in confidence is laid on thickly, but Streep doesn't play it that way. Unfortunately some of the brusqueness I like in the filmmaking carries over to the screenplay. It offers few of the laughs-in-crisis that make individual Spielberg scenes so good, and most of the conflicts resolve themselves just a little too easily. ("I wonder if the guy I think has the papers actually has them...yep, after a few calls, I found out he does.") The less said about the cartoonish Vietnam protestors and the CCR needle-drop, the better. Overall, do I prefer the lean, realistic version of this story over the more belabored, showy version? Sure.

24. The Work (Jairus McLeary, Gethin Aldous)- The Work is undeniably raw, pure, and effective in the emotion it documents and generates. The access given to the filmmakers as they capture a group therapy program in Folsom State Prison is unbelievable. But for that reason, there's something on the margins of the film that feels exploitative and violating to me. I'm interested in how Bloods and Aryans console each other, not to mention how the most damaged figure is not a prisoner at all. But I get the sense I shouldn't be watching any of this. 23. Marjorie Prime (Michael Almereyda)- I like everything that this chamber piece specifies and everything that it decides to leave vague. The film is unsentimental, considering how sentimental this premise could be. It seems bent on reminding us, sometimes tragically, about how we shape our own memories until the original moment is gone in every way. I'll admit that it seems a little slight by the end, despite the weight suggested by what I just described. Even when it's surprising you, the film never writes in capital letters, and part of that feeling comes from bland visuals. But that's a small complaint for a film that is grappling so palpably with the challenges of authenticity in modern life.

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