#Athena Jojo | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

karikarasuno · 4 months

Text

sonder ch. v

Pairing: Erwin Smith x Fem!Reader x Levi Ackerman

Rating: Mature

Warnings/Tags: Holidays, Alcohol Consumption, Flirting, Banter

Word Count: 8.3k

song(s) for the chapter: wishlist by jojo, orbit by nao, better than snow by norah jones & laufey

a/n: this chapter was especially fun to write since i do rather enjoy the holiday season. pls enjoy the chaos of it all.

chapter iv | chapter v | chapter vi

Ghosts, witch hats, and little black cat cutouts littered nearly every corner of the office. There were pumpkins, real and decorative, in the break room, the cubicles, and even on your desk. Which you had not placed there and could only blame really one person for.

“And exactly what are you supposed to be?” Moblit asked, dressed in all white with a halo attached to a headband on his head. He looked comical dressed as an angel because even though Moblit may have looked innocent, he was anything but.

“Ghostface,” you shrugged, pushing aside some papers and leaning forward on your elbows against the edge of your desk. You were dressed in your regular work attire, if not slightly more casual than work typically permitted. It was an extremely chilly day in the city, the wind sharp enough to bite at your cheeks and nose. You made sure to layer up before you left the house this morning, and funnily enough, the day already started to warm by the time lunch rolled around.

“Where’s the mask?” He teased as he gestured to his face and then pointed at yours.

“It’s before the big reveal,” you laughed, standing when you heard some excited commotion come from outside your office. “So do me a favor and don’t expose my secret identity.”

When you walked into the break room, where you found everyone in their fun little costumes, the tables were covered in sweet Halloween treats and finger foods. Moblit was in charge of the event planning committee, accompanied by the overly excited Historia, who was standing at one of the tables with her hair braided and little flowers clipped all over.

“Rapunzel, is that you?” You asked teasingly as you walked up to her table and grabbed a mini cupcake with a cartoon ghost sticking up from the orange icing. She clapped her hands once in excitement and spun in response. Her purple dress stopped just above her knees, and the lilac complimented her skin tone in a delicate way. She looked adorable in her get up.

“The one and only,” she grinned. Her eyes took in your simple outfit of high-waisted brown slacks and your black, long-sleeve mock neck. Accompanied by some black leather boots. You could tell the question was on the tip of her tongue, but before she could ask it, Jean and Marco strolled in in matching costumes. You smiled extra hard when you spotted their outfits, and immediately recognized the orange Camp Half-Blood t-shirts. You giggled to yourself because this had Jean written all over it, and you couldn’t help but find it endearing.

Once you made eye contact with Marco, his grin turned rather mischievous as he approached you holding out a spear and shield in your direction.

“What is this for…?” You grabbed the props suspiciously as he continued to smile at you.

“I had a strong feeling you wouldn’t dress up, so I took matters into my own hands.” The realization dawned on you when he motioned to his own shirt.

“Athena,” you said, nodding as you looked between him and the props in your hands. “While I appreciate the thought, I’m too young to be your godly parent. By a millenia.”

He laughed rather loudly, chin tilting to his chest as he shook his head. “Hate to break it to you, but I’m no child of Athena.”

Photos were taken and the food provided was gone by the time you called it a day and headed home. The wind was especially chilly when you stepped outside and towards the train. Even though the time wasn’t due to change for another few days, the sun sat low in the sky, practically hidden by the tall, city buildings. Routine continued to follow you as you placed your headphones snug over your ears. They acted almost as ear muffs against the sharp breeze and you were grateful to find them charged.

The worst part of your routine was the new addition. The part where you addictively listened to Onyankopon’s song. You couldn’t really explain to yourself why you did it. It wasn’t anything remotely close to healthy. In fact, it was almost this obsessive need to torture yourself. That maybe feeling the guilt that already resided deeply against your sternum would grow so abundantly that it would just explode and kill you. Saving you in the end.

But that never seemed to happen. And you continued living life splitting yourself into two versions. This version, the one that allowed herself to feel the emotions that seemed to always be thrumming just beneath her skin. The one that anguished over lost love and was riddled with self-doubt and insecurity. This was the version you hated. Therefore you hid her behind carefully constructed smiles and well-timed jokes. Creating the other part of you. The one you longed to remain because she was charming and witty. People seemed to like her, so in times where you weren’t alone, crowded in a room of colleagues or even friends, she was who you became. You clung to her in fear, almost. Desperate to show everyone that you were okay.

That you were fine. Happy, even.

The street leading to your home was flooded with trick or treaters. Parents accompanied their small children while groups of teenagers laughed and chatted loudly on the sidewalk. As you neared the entrance to your home, you noticed Levi and Erwin were home too. A bowl of candy sat on their steps and their gate was propped open. You were tempted to stop by. Simply because you were starting to miss the consistency of your old routine. But it was harder to keep up appearances with them. Difficult to let them in completely, even though they were the ones to seemingly revive you from the fog of depression that loomed over your head for weeks before. And mostly because it felt awkward. Pretending to be someone else when they so clearly could see right through it, but were too polite to call you out on it. They often entertained your brush offs and changes in topic. All the while you could tell that their curiosity was starting to eat at them. Especially Levi. Who wasn’t the type to dance around topics or force pleasantries for fear of ruining a mood.

So you decided to just spend the evening alone. A far easier choice to be alone rather than confront what was going on inside your head outside of it. And in front of an audience. Instead deciding to keep the lights off, aside from the small yellow light above the stove, and playing Onyankopon’s song on the record player until you fell asleep on the couch like you always did.

Another new and unbreakable habit.

“I just don’t understand why you won’t say yes. Who wants to spend Thanksgiving alone? Are you even gonna cook something for yourself?” Erwin whined from the doorway of your home. You told the guys a few days prior that you were heading back home for the holiday, but a sudden and surprising snow storm ended up canceling your flight. The airline offered you their next flight out, but at that point you wouldn’t land until late Thursday evening, effectively missing Thanksgiving. Which was the whole point of going back to your hometown.

“I haven’t thought that far ahead. Honestly I’ll probably just order Chinese or something. I promise it won’t be as sad as it sounds,” you argued, rifling through your junk drawer for the menu to the Chinese place a few blocks away.

“That is so un-American of you,” Erwin pouted. “Just come to my dad’s place with me and Levi. Please.”

“I will ignore your first comment because we are not opening up that can of worms tonight.” You tossed him a playful glare, remembering the drunken night at Hange’s bar where you all loudly and incoherently discussed the history behind the origins of Thanksgiving. He rolled his eyes in response.

“Anyway, I don’t want to intrude. I’m sure your dad didn’t cook enough for an extra person.”

“Clearly you don’t know my father,” he chuckled. “He probably cooked enough for 10 extra people.”

You found the menu before you could formulate a response, waving it excitedly in front of you before opening it to read the options. But as you contemplated which dish you’d want more, the menu was snatched from your hands and when you met Erwin’s gaze there was startling defiance behind them.

“You’re not eating Chinese food on Thanksgiving when there is an old man in his home cooking his little heart out.”

“Don’t try to guilt trip me,” you answered, astonished at the immature tactic he decided to use.

“I refuse to leave until you say yes.” He opened the drawer positioned in front of your hips and slid the menu back inside of it. All while maintaining determined eye contact with you. Your resolve was crumbling. You felt it as layer after layer of it fell to your feet in a dusty heap.

“Erwin,” you pleaded, crossing your arms over your chest in one final attempt to get your point across. Even though you already knew that you were leaving this house with him, albeit with halfhearted reluctance.

From the doorway you heard Levi enter. And a part of you thought that he would back you up. Oftentimes, reeling in Erwin’s rather persistent nature. But as soon as that hope flickered around in your chest, Levi said, “we let Halloween slide because I quite frankly don’t care much for it. But I’m drawing the line here. Go get dressed.”

Your mouth popped open, shock evident on your face as Levi sent you a stern glare. No room for arguments. Noted. “You’re not spending another holiday alone. I don’t care.”

You sent a look of surprise to Erwin, again expecting some sort of alliance, but he simply smirked. Knowing that they did indeed win this argument. So you walked your ass to the bedroom to change out of your loungewear and into something much more appropriate for a family dinner.

“I can’t believe you two would gang up on me like that,” you said as you slipped into the back seat of Erwin’s car, your coat secured tightly around your body to protect you from the harsh cold. Levi chuckled from the passenger seat. The car was already nice and warm since they waited for you inside of it. The heat blasting from the fans.

“I wouldn’t call what we did ganging up on you.” Erwin began to drive, the streets surprisingly sparse given what day it was. “You were persuaded into coming along with the prospect of good food and even better company.”

“We’ll have to see about that,” you argued, sticking your nose into the collar of your coat to try and defrost it. While the drive to Erwin’s father’s home was comfortable, the conversation flowing with seemingly no effort, you still held the unmistakable pit of anxiety in your chest. It was unwavering, steady, and atrociously annoying. There was no reason for it. Other than to make you as supremely uncomfortable as possible.

The consistent feeling of it was morphing into a dreaded resentment. Mostly for yourself. And the predicament you only brought upon yourself. It was repetitive. Every day was the same since it was always accompanied with the same negative feelings. You couldn’t help but hate each day. The active effort of trying to enjoy the simple things, the little things, was increasingly harder to do. And your current state of depression was beginning to worry even you. Since the amount of work you were previously throwing yourself into was diminishing rather quickly, you have had no other choice but to sit and feel and reflect. And upon reflecting, you only realized that you felt like shit and no amount of work would ever fix that.

The worst part was knowing that you had friends. Friends willing to force you from your home late on Thanksgiving day and forced you to actually spend time with them. Friends who cared. Friends who wanted you around. Even when you felt like the worst person to be around. Especially when you were alone.

But that didn’t stop Erwin or Levi from ensuring that you didn’t spend this day lonely. Ensuring that when you walked into Mr. Smith’s home you were greeted with the smell of roasted vegetables, well seasoned turkey, and warm spiked apple cider that you were questionable of until you had your first sip. The Christmas tree was already up as well, and you were about to make some well-intentioned joke about it still being November until you noticed that there was a second one in the dining room. Granted this one was fake, unlike the very real (and fragrant) fir that was decorated rather elaborately in the living room.

“So,” Mr. Smith walked up beside you as you admired the twinkling lights and sparkly ornaments. “I heard you’re a pretty good cook.”

“I dabble,” you shrugged with a light laugh. “It’s been a minute since I spent some time in the kitchen, but I wouldn’t say I’m a chef or anything.”

“Either way, I’m excited to hear your thoughts about dinner,” he said as he nudged you gently with his elbow. And when you looked into his eyes, while you saw kindness and comfort in his gaze, there was a familiar glint of knowing sadness. A pain that you recognized rather fiercely. It struck you deeply that someone you barely knew and have only interacted with once before could resonate with the gnawing feeling in your chest with just a simple look. You were intrigued, wanting to question what was wrong. But then you remembered that Erwin lost his mother when he was younger. And what you saw reflected in Mr. Smith’s eyes was the knowingness of loss.

In some capacity, you knew what that aching emptiness felt like. That transitionary period between loving someone and not being able to have them anymore. Whether it was a choice to be made or a tragic ending. Loss was like a tradition. One that anyone, human or not, partook in simply by living and breathing.

Another reminder that we had hearts to be broken and then mended with time.

“Also,” he added, “I’m happy you could make it. Erwin said it was a bit of a debate getting you over here.” He chuckled when you sighed and shook your head in disbelief.

“Remind me to never tell him a secret, since he doesn’t seem to have any filter.”

“He gets that from his mom, y’know. Looks almost nothing like her, but everyday he reminds me of her more and more.”

You both glanced over at Erwin at that moment. Him with a longing fondness and you with aching curiosity. He was attempting to goad Levi into trying one of the cookies that sat atop the island in the kitchen and failing miserably since you all knew how much Levi despised anything sweet before meals.

“Come on, it’s good,” Erwin said, offering him the half again and chuckling when Levi’s scowl deepened.

“I don’t doubt that, but we’re about to eat dinner and you're going to ruin your appetite,” Levi responded before turning away with a shake of his head.

“For someone younger than me, you sure act like an old man. So damn crotchety,” he continued teasing Levi.

“Give it here,” you held out your hand as you made your way to the kitchen. Erwin deposited the cookie onto your palm with a grin, eyes sliding towards Levi to catch his reaction when you ate the half in a single bite.

“I don’t understand either of you sometimes,” Levi grumbled. The timer for the turkey went off then, Erwin’s dad running over to the oven to take it out. The four of you began bringing over all the sides to the dining table that was already set up with dinnerware and utensils. It was a cute little set up he had. A seat on each side of the table with all the food presented in the middle. There was a deep burgundy cloth covering the table and the white plates had gold decorating the rim. Levi held out your chair and motioned for you to have a seat before taking his place next to you. Erwin and his father bickered for a moment about who should carve the turkey until Erwin took the knife and fork with a resigned sigh. Mr. Smith sat down with a pleased grin, winking your way when you caught his eye.

Dinner was pleasant. Your wine glass was never empty. Which would've been a bad thing seeing as you only really ever drank nowadays to wallow in your sadness, but with the constant chatter and laughter it was hard to feel anything other than satisfaction and ridiculously full. Full from the incredible meal, full from the very obvious love surrounding the table, and full of ever-fleeting happiness. You didn’t really want your night to end, but as the hours crept closer to midnight you felt the lull of sleep beckoning you. You were all seated in the living room, fire crackling in the firepit, lights dull besides the twinkling lights on the tree. It was the coziest you’ve felt in a long time.

In the background, Mr. Smith’s phone rang. The chatter died for a moment as he excused himself to answer it. Levi and Erwin exchanged a weird look. Levi’s of barely there curiosity while Erwin looked downright confused. But you didn’t question it, and when you glanced over at Mr. Smith you noticed a small smile on his face as he spoke with whoever was on the other line in the kitchen. You couldn’t make out the words, but it didn’t seem of any significance. Not until he returned to his place on the recliner in the living room, the same little smile tugging on his lips.

“Who was that?” Erwin asked.

“No one. Just a coworker,” he responded dismissively.

“Seems a little late for ‘just a coworker’ to call you on a holiday.” Erwin said, an intonation of irritation in his voice.

“It’s nothing, son. Really,” he said, a tone of finality present in his voice as he looked at Erwin with a firm yet understanding stare. The air around the room shifted into something awkward and you weren’t sure how to shift it back. Luckily, you didn’t have to. Levi swept in to recover the previous content with a story of how he and Erwin recently attended one of his mom’s yoga classes. Erwin’s simmering mood turned to one of offense when Levi lightheartedly recounted how Erwin was endearingly bad at it.

And you hadn’t realized you fell asleep until Erwin was rousing you awake from your place on his shoulder. Not exactly sure when that happened either and you were almost embarrassed by it. Until you were met with a bright smile, lips tinted from the red wine and eyes soft and tender as they looked down at you. It was one of those rare moments when you couldn’t help but acknowledge how stunning Erwin was. Hair just slightly tousled, lashes long and sweeping – perfectly framing his dazzling blue eyes. You swallowed, mouth dry as you tore your eyes from his face and cleared your throat. Trying very hard to ignore your obvious attraction to him, blaming most of it on the wine and your creeping loneliness.

“Hey there, sleepyhead,” he said with amusement on his tongue.

“Sorry,” you apologized, voice unexpectedly hoarse. “Didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.”

“No need to apologize.” He squeezed your knee, large hand warm and fitting there. And another subtle wave of shame washed over you for thinking of him as anything other than a friend in that moment. “It’s time to get going, anyway.”

You nodded in response, uncurling your legs from where they were on the sofa and placing your socked feet on the fluffy rug before you. Erwin stood up before you did, walking to the kitchen to grab the bowls of food Mr. Smith most likely packed for you all to take as you slept. Your mind was distracted. Mostly confused as you tried to remember the moment you succumbed to your slumber. The kind that came with no dreams or nightmares, just a blank space of peaceful rest. The kind you haven’t had since that night Onyankopon left. The kind that always seemed to evade you. Until now.

“Here.” Levi held out your coat, blocking your vision with the black fabric until you looked up to look at his face. Expression hard as it always was, but this time laced with something fonder. His features weren’t deeply set, his brow unfurrowed and eyes half-lidded from sleepiness. His cheeks were a signature rosy color. The shade you’ve come to correlate with tipsy Levi. It suited him– the slight blush dusted across his face.

You rose to your feet before you grabbed your coat, only to come nearly nose to nose with him. Yet you were surprised when he didn’t take a step away from you. The space between your bodies was so little, it would hardly take a few inches of leaning into each other to kiss him. And the thought was so appealing to you. So startling in its wake that you stepped backward, only to tip over back onto the cushions of the sofa.

Levi chuckled deeply in his chest, the sound rolling over your shoulders and down your spine. And you knew the way your cheeks warmed had nothing to do with the glasses of wine dancing in your bloodstream. But despite the sudden onslaught of confusing desire thrumming beneath your skin, you took Levi’s hand when he offered it to you. Even allowed him to slip your coat on for you, buttoned it up until it stopped just beneath your collarbones, and tied the loose ends securely around your waist. It shouldn’t have felt like anything other than platonic. But your body was saying a very different thing than your mind was.

“Thank you,” you breathed, voice distant from your own ears, but there was a note of yearning there not even you could ignore. When Levi looked at you, fingers still holding the ties of your coat, you noticed how long his hair has gotten. His bangs nearly touched his lashes as his eyes glanced over your face. He simply nodded though before he finally took that step away from you. Air rushed in to fill the gap that wasn’t previously there and you were even more ashamed at how much you missed the close proximity. Your heart hammered away in your chest, reminding you that you weren’t frozen in place and when Erwin gently called your name, the heavy fog began to lift and you made your way to the door.

The goodbyes were quick. The ride home even quicker. But the awkward realization sat with you the entire way. The realization that due to your tangled emotions, you were somehow blurring the lines between friends. Even though it was just you feeling so conflicted, you wanted to pull away again. A part of you wanted to do what you always did and lock yourself away until time forced you to forget or get over it. But knowing them, they wouldn’t allow it. Just as they didn’t allow you to spend the holiday eating Chinese takeout and binging whatever reality show you managed to find.

You would just have to sort it out. Push away any longing you felt and just replace it with platonic affection. Surely, once the wine simmered its way out of your system it would take away any attraction you’ve encountered tonight with it. Because you couldn’t lose them too. Not to something as trivial as rebounding desire that ricocheted from a past love and desperately searched for a new one.

The Christmas music was nonstop. It played at work, in stores, and even on the train one awfully dreary morning. You didn’t even know the train system had that option. So with all of that, you also weren’t surprised to hear a chaotic rendition of Jingle Bell Rock blast through the door of Hange’s bar. It was significantly warmer in their establishment and absolutely decorated to hell and back. This was either a person’s wet dream or elaborately niche nightmare.

There was an abundance of loud conversation happening over the song. Moblit was yelling something to Mike a few feet away from the bar top. All while Mike shrugged in response as he continued to polish glasses. You were sure he was only pretending to hear whatever Moblit was screaming and you chuckled into the scarf that was pulled over your nose to protect you from the fierce winds.

The three of you–you, Erwin, and Levi– began to shed off your outer layers at the door, the bottom of your boots leaving wet spots on the mat from the snow. It was starting to become quite evident that the three of you were nearly inseparable. You became a noted trio in your friend group.

When you met Nanaba for the first time a few weeks ago, she even jokingly referred to you as “Levi and Erwin’s third! It’s so nice to finally meet you.” It sort of rubbed you the wrong way initially, but you relaxed when you noticed everyone brush it off as meaningless banter. Because if you were being completely honest with yourself, that was a bit of a sore subject for you. The idea of being with Levi and Erwin, instead of just being with them all the time. You blamed it on some weird clingy rebound you must’ve been experiencing since your broken off engagement. The part of you that latched onto anything seemingly stable since you were so far from that. Especially since you didn’t have any idea how you managed to form such strong feelings for two people. Let alone your closest friends. You were positive you were just confusing potent platonic affection with regular romantic feelings. Whatever that meant.

“Don’t move!” Hange yelled from their place near the stage. You three immediately stopped in your tracks, your body flinching slightly since their voice carried much further after the abrupt ending of the song. You looked frantically behind you and then towards Levi, confused and more than a little concerned. On the opposite side of Levi, Erwin glanced nonchalantly at them as he readjusted the gift he bought for Secret Santa in his arms.

“What?” Levi said sternly, obvious irritation in his tone from not wanting to admit how their exclamation startled him. Instead of answering, Hange pointed to a spot directly above Levi’s head. You all tilted your heads slowly in the direction of their finger, and you were the first to react. A sudden and single laugh spilled from your lips. Cherry red and green spun down at you. A mistletoe hung delicately above your heads, still swaying from the wind that gusted through the open door when you entered it.

Levi sighed out a deep and annoyed breath, which made you huff out another light laugh. Over Levi’s head you made eye contact with a grinning Erwin, whose eyes twinkled with mischief and plotting. He glanced down at Levi with a jut of his chin and then pointed at his own cheek. You were confused at first until he exaggeratedly puckered his lips and pointed from his cheek to Levi. It clicked then, and you were hesitant, but when Ewin flashed another excited smile you conceded. It seemed like it only got harder to say no to him the more time you spent in his presence.

As Levi bickered with Hange in an entertainingly escalated debate, you and Erwin leaned over at the same time and placed a quick kiss to his cheeks. Which, comically, blossomed into a glorious shade of red. Deeper than any wine could ever do to him. Erwin retracted with a gross smacking sound and you just knew that the disgust now present on Levi’s face was due to the wet smooch left behind.

“You can stop arguing now, Grinch,” Erwin chuckled as he finally stepped out from beneath the mistletoe.

“That was wholly unnecessary,” he responded while wiping the spit from his cheek with the back of his hand. Which was when you noticed the glossy red lipstick mark you left on the other one. You bit the inside of your cheek to keep from laughing when he looked your way.

“What?” He asked, exasperated.

“You have some…” You pointed to your cheek and suppressed a smile. “Some lipgloss on your other cheek.”

He sighed, but to your surprise he made no move to remove it. He simply walked into the bar with another shake of his head and a defeated shrug. You stood planted at the door for a second, just taking in the chaos. The bar was closed for this intimate little event. The usually lit low hanging lights were off, instead replaced with a vast array of string lights that were strewn over every place the ladder would allow Hange or Moblit to reach. At the top of the Christmas tree was an empty bottle of bacardi that appeared to be haphazardly covered in red and gold glitter. It was a very interesting choice for a tree topper, but you expected nothing less from the otherwise eccentric owner.

“Yo, you gonna keep standing there or are you gonna come try this?” Moblit called out at you holding up a drink with what seemed to be vibrantly red contents inside the glass.

“What exactly am I trying?” You wandered over, skeptical and not trusting his dismissive nature as he handed you the glass.

“A surprise,” he smiled, pouring another one into a similar looking glass.

“I’m not a fan of surprises,” you stated, sniffing the surprisingly fruity smelling drink.

“It’s a good surprise, I swear.”

“You said that last time and I ended up drinking a cocktail with Fireball in it. Which was disgusting, mind you,” you said, just before taking a tentative sip of your drink. And he was right. This time it was good. You couldn’t really pinpoint what the ingredients were other than that it was slightly tart, but with a lovely hint of holiday spices incorporated.

“You like it,” he grinned, taking a sip of his own.

“I didn’t even say anything.”

“Didn’t have to. You’ve become very easy to read since I work with you everyday.” He chuckled when he said that. As if it was some simple thing to declare but there was a spike of fear in your chest. Because exactly how easy has it become to read you? “It’s called Christmas punch. We found the recipe a few years ago at this other bar we visited and it’s become kind of a staple seasonal drink for us ever since.”

You took another sip, noting the fun tease of ginger this time and smiled against the rim. “It is pretty good.”

“I fucking told you so.”

You propped your gift bag on the end of the bartop with all the other Secret Santa gifts, watching as everyone fell seamlessly into their own conversations and it was a comforting sight. Moblit and Mike behind the bar, while Hange and Levi tinkered with the karaoke machine settings to get the mic properly hooked up. Nanaba was racking the cue balls on the pool table while Erwin sipped on the same red drink you had in your hand as he gestured wildly with the pool stick.

You ended up watching them play a round, Erwin winning by a landslide. Many of Nanaba’s solid colored balls were still on the table, while the 8 ball was nowhere to be seen. Erwin’s celebration was loud, Nanaba rolling her eyes at him as he raised his arms above his head and cheered for himself. You laughed, third glass of punch in your hand and you were teetering across the line of tipsy and into drunkenness.

“You’re next.” Erwin pointed the pool stick at you as you pointed a questioning finger to yourself.

“Absolutely not. I don’t have enough coordination for this,” you defended, waving your drink at the game and laughing again.

“Perfect! It’ll be another easy victory.” He directed that at Nanaba, who flipped him off as she walked over to you and handed you her stick.

“I’m getting another drink,” she said. “Good luck with him.”

“Not sure how I feel about being the one to stroke his ego, but thanks.” You placed your now empty glass on a table nearby.

“You wanna break it or should I?” He asked, referring to the balls that were already set up in a triangle while adding the blue chalk to the top of his stick. Before handing it to you so you could do the same.

“Go ahead, big shot, since you’re so good at this.”

His grin was huge and confident. And you had to admit smugness looked good on him. Even if it did serve to annoy you. The balls scattered when he hit them, two striped balls falling into separate pockets.

“Guess your solids,” he said, hitting the white ball again, this time accidentally sending it into a pocket.

“And I guess your luck might be running out.” You teased, walking over to the pocket the white ball was in and positioning it by the ball of your choice.

“Doubt it, but let’s see what you got, sweetheart,” he said snidely, but he was still clearly amused.

And whatever luck and skill Erwin had seemed to transfer to you. Before either of you could even register it, you won the game. The 8 ball bounced off of his last striped ball and slid into one of the corner pockets. You were shocked at your win, but Nanaba and Hange cheered enthusiastically beside you. Nanaba very maturely telling Erwin to “suck on that, loser!”

Mike clapped Erwin on the shoulder as he chuckled at his expense. All while Erwin stood with his lips parted and obvious confusion on his face. “I call bullshit,” he said, pointing an accusatory finger at you. “You hustled me.”

“Beginner’s luck?” You offered instead, grinning from the adrenaline rush of winning. And the fact that Levi came over and slung his arm around your shoulder and laughed into your ear. “Thanks for humbling him. He needed it.”

When you made eye contact with him, you both began to laugh. Your cheeks were warm, the sweater you were wearing became stifling, but it didn’t matter. You were happy. Forreal this time.

“You have chalk on your cheek,” Levi said, fingers finding your chin and angling your face away from him. “How’d you manage that?”

His words were slightly slurred and you could smell the alcohol on his tongue. You were sure your breath probably smelled the same, but it was different feeling his fan delicately across your cheek as he used his thumb to rub off whatever smear was left there. When it didn’t wipe away cleanly, he reached out to the glass that sat precariously on the edge of the pool table and collected some of that condensation on the tip of his thumb.

“Not sure,” you breathed. “I was too busy kicking your man’s ass.”

He smirked, using his damp finger to effectively clean off the residue of the chalky substance. It was a thoughtful, if not compulsive gesture. Levi had a thing about cleanliness. A thing about things being orderly and appealing. So it was better for you not to read too deeply into the moment. Because it was a small moment between friends, no matter which way you cut it.

“And you looked good doing it,” he said as he let go of your face and wiped his fingers on a nearby napkin. Your brain stopped. You heard the gentle teasing in his voice, but it still surprised you. Because it felt like flirting. But Levi wasn’t the flirting type. You’d expect and actually have gotten used to these types of comments from Erwin. But that was who he was. Pushed your boundaries. Invaded your personal space. Made silly, complimentary comments. Flirted, but it was meaningless. Mostly.

“I-”

“Time for Secret Santa! Gather your shit and get your drunk asses over here,” Hange yelled. The gifts had been moved from the bar to a round table where enough chairs for everyone had been arranged in a circle. You grabbed the one you brought, the gift inside for Hange and your palms were beginning to sweat with nerves.

“You’re up first, new girl,” Moblit pointed your way as soon as everyone got settled. You knew you gave him a panicked sort of look because he chuckled, squeezed your shoulder, and then gestured for you to go on.

“Are we doing the whole I give you three clues and you guess or should I just hand it over?” You lifted your gift bag in emphasis, silently hoping they chose the latter. Because honestly you were a bit too drunk and a touch too nervous to come up with anything funny or interesting.

“Just give it,” Levi answered and waved his hand dismissively, and you could tell Moblit wanted to argue but when he felt your shoulders noticeably untense his lips closed around a smile. Hange was distracted, endlessly making sure everyone had a drink or a snack or was comfortable. They were a great, if not chaotic host. So you almost felt bad interrupting the small conversation they were having with Nanaba.

“Hange,” you said, standing in front of them with the strings of the gift bag dangling from your fingertips. Their face lit up. Eyes wide and smile splitting their face enthusiastically.

“For me?!” They squealed and you couldn’t help but smile back at their reaction.

“For you,” you urged the bag into their hands, and took a step back as they ripped the tissue paper from the bag and threw it over their shoulder. But unlike their rough treatment of the paper, when they pulled out the folded bundle of yarn, they held it with delicate and curious fingers. You felt the need to explain in that moment, in an attempt to jump ahead of the confusion in case they had no idea what it was. “It’s a balaclava. Handmade from this little online shop. You wear it over your head and it’ll keep your ears warm because I remember when you were complaining about wearing ear muffs so I just thought that maybe you would…”

“I love it!” They immediately shoved their head through the hole on the bottom, their hair a mess peeking out of the front with how forcefully they put the accessory on. You reached forward, swiping their bangs out of their eyes and adjusting it so it sat better around their face. They smiled up at you, colorful, crocheted balaclava fit snugly over their head.

“You look cute, actually,” you laughed, stepping away as they toyed with the drawstrings hanging under their chin.

“I’m never taking it off.”

“Ok, weirdo,” you laughed again with a shake of your head as you took your seat again.

The game somehow worked out perfectly with you going first. Everyone received their gift from their Secret Santa until you were the only one without one. And it just so happened that the final person standing with a gift still to give was Erwin. There was a heat in your chest that rose when you realized the present he was clutching so ridiculously the entire way to the bar was actually for you. Which then explained his odd reaction when you pretended to lift a piece of the wrapping paper that wasn’t secured properly. You had never seen him move so quickly since you’d known him.

He grabbed the box-shaped gift off the table, spinning it his hands as he dramatically scanned the group as if none of you knew who it was for.

“Just give it to me.” You held out your hands in anticipation, your cheeks warming under the attention, but ready to get the moment over with and not over think it.

“How are you so sure it’s yours?” Erwin teased, taking careful steps towards you and your outstretched arms.

“Erwin,” you said, wiggling your fingers as he placed the surprisingly light box onto your palms. You peeled the paper back attentively, even though it was just plain brown paper with little snowflakes on it, you still felt bad tearing it apart. And you weren’t too sure what you were expecting. Knowing Erwin it could very well be a gag gift or a play on some inside joke you had with each other. That was what you were anticipating. A laugh and then a change in subject since the game was over.

But what you weren’t expecting was a vinyl record. You knew of the artist, but never really listened to her work. And so when you flipped the record around after slipping it out of the cardboard box, the silence was louder than what would’ve been comfortable for most people.

“Norah Jones,” he said, shifting in place before continuing. “That was my mom’s favorite musician. And I know how much you like to collect those things, so I kinda thought that maybe you would like that album.”

You were drunk. That was how you justified the tears that pricked at your lash line. And the burning in your throat. And the slight pout of your lips when it hit you how sentimental and thoughtful his gift was.

“Erwin, I-”

“Put that bottom lip away. Don’t be weird about it.” He rolled his eyes. His playful energy attempted to resurface but you could tell how important it was for him that you liked this gift. Because it meant something to him. Something very personal and intimate.

You held the record to your chest that was already feeling far fuller than it has in months. “Internally, I’m being very weird about it, but for now I’ll just say thank you. So, thank you, Erwin.”

“Good, can we get drunk now?” He sighed, his shoulders relaxing as he smiled his easy going grin at you.

“We already are,” Mike piped up from his spot behind where Erwin was standing.

“Fine, can we get drunk-er now?”

“Yes! And I have just the thing,” Hange exclaimed, jumping up from their seat, balaclava still on, as they ran behind the bar to make whatever lethal concoction they had up their sleeve. When everyone stood to do their own things again, you approached Erwin with the record still held tightly against your heart.

He looked down at you with a relieved fondness in his gaze, and you melted. “I really do love this.”

“I’m glad,” he shrugged, acting as if this present was really no big deal at all.

“I’m gonna play it as soon as I get home,” you grinned, flipping the record around to read the tracklist.

“Is that right?” He was standing closer than you expected, and you could feel the rumble of his laughter against your shoulder, where he was pressed against you.

“Mhmm,” you hummed, looking back up at him. A strange and overwhelming sense of contentment flooded between the two of you. And again you blamed the rush of emotion on the alcohol. Because otherwise, the feelings would be unexplainable. Or too uncomfortable to linger on for longer than a moment.

The walk home was twice as long as it usually was. And far funnier than any of you could actually account for. You were wasted. Words slurring, unable to walk in a straight line, and a giggling mess. The entire walk home you clutched to Levi’s elbow as Erwin held tightly to Levi’s hand. And he could fool anyone, but you both knew how drunk Levi really was. He just had a great center of gravity. The stabilizing force between you and Erwin, tethering you two to the ground. The three of you spent three long minutes searching for your house keys in the bottom of your purse. Voices loud and intrusive in the city nighttime. Even though the train could still be heard, it was nothing compared to the obstructive whispering that was occurring on your doorstep. It would have been quieter if the three of you just talked regularly to each other. But logic and reason were not within reach.

“I got it!” Erwin spoke, disregarding the whispering in exchange for a near echoing shout. You shushed him by pressing your forefinger to his lips, his smile stretching against your fingertips and he winked at you. You snatched the keys from his hand and turned around before your flustered state became noticeable. It took four tries before you were able to slot the key into the lock and you stumbled into your home when the weight of your body against the door threw it open. Levi caught you by tugging the tie of your coat towards him. His other hand somehow landing on your hip over your layers and gripping tightly in order to keep you from falling to the ground. When you turned to thank him, his face was only centimeters from yours. And you briefly thought about how much of a coincidence it was that you always seemed to find yourself in this position with him. But when you noticed the scowl on his face, you laughed. Your head fell forward, forehead knocking against his cheek because you couldn’t help it. He looked so over your antics and when you breathed out a chuckled “thanks, Levi” he simply grunted and pushed you gently into your home.

Erwin found his way into your kitchen. The fridge light brightened your dark home and cast a harsh white glow over the small area. But it supplied enough light for you to kick off your boots and hook your coat onto the rack before following him into the kitchen as well.

“You have no food,” he grumbled, opening a bottle of water before chugging down half of it in one go.

“We just ate at the bar. How are you still hungry?” You pulled your sweater over your head as you answered him and tossed it onto one of the barstools, leaving you in the thin black long-sleeve beneath. He handed another bottle over to you, unscrewing the cap and a little bit of the water dribbled over the lip and onto your thumb when you took it from him.

“Don’t judge me,” he argued, “you’re the one with an empty fridge. When was the last time you went to the grocery store?”

“I buy groceries on an as needed basis,” you slurred out, propping yourself up on your elbows on the island to keep from tipping to one side.

“And you need food,” he laughed, kicking the fridge door closed and leaning against it, darkening the space again. You waved him off, instead turning around to see Levi staring inquisitively at your couch. You didn’t clean it off this morning before you went out. The blanket unfolded and your pillow still propped against the arm. An awkward rush of discomfort flooded into your chest. Something close to shame sat tightly against your sternum and you waited for Levi to say something. Anything really when he turned to you. But instead of asking the question you could practically see on the tip of his tongue, he took two steps towards you and grabbed the water bottle from your grip. You stared as he swallowed down a quarter of it in what seemed to be a singular gulp.

“That was mine,” you said, the words an offended whisper. Erwin chuckled from his spot behind you. You turned to glance at him and he simply shrugged. Your home felt so small when they were in it. Their two bodies somehow filled up the space in a way you couldn’t really describe. Other than that you liked it. Your home felt more complete with them in it. And the weird fluttering feeling you found in your stomach sometimes when in their company decided to make a reappearance.

“I should go to bed. I need to sleep off the liquor.”

“Great idea,” Erwin replied, pushing himself off of your fridge and tossing his now empty bottle into the recycling bin you kept next to the trash can. “You should take ibuprofen before you sleep, though. May help with the inevitable hangover.”

“Yeah yeah. Whatever you say, dad,” you laughed with a roll of your eyes. He responded with a similar gesture, the both of you smiling at each other at the end of it. You walked them to your door, taking a steady breath to brace for the cold that would seep in when you opened it. There was a pause in your doorway as the three of you looked out at the city night. Gentle snow flurries fell to the ground, the scene idyllic and calm. And the silence that fell over the city should have felt eerie since it so rarely happened. But you only saw beauty in that brief silence. Broken only by the sudden passing of the train.

“Good night,” you said as you stepped aside for them to walk out. As they walked past, Levi gave you a surprising hug. It was quick, but the squeeze of his arms around your shoulders was reassuring. And you would’ve returned it if he hadn’t released you so swiftly as if he shouldn’t have hugged you in the first place. Right after him, Erwin pressed a kiss to your temple. Unlike Levi, he lingered there for longer than would have been necessary between friends. Only to pull away with a whispered and returned “good night.”

You watched as they trotted down the steps, shutting your door only when you heard the opening of theirs. The space was yours again. Lonesome in its wake and a veil of knowing sorrow draped over the interior. But that was to be expected. And you found an odd comfort in it. Because above everything else, at the very least it was yours and no one could take that from you.

#the holidays are over i know but here this is anyways #eruri fanfic #eruri x reader #aot fanfiction #snk fanfiction

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