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iravinirattu · 10 months

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ik im late but im playing through kaveh's hangout event and. the haikaveh brainrot is real

since these losers can't do it themselves i am here to offer my translation services ‼️

al haitham you liar. we are in a library using our indoor voices you did NOT hear us.

and even if you did mr. "i hate small talk" why'd u walk over hmm?? hmm??

"dont mind if i ignore you, i've got my earphones in" <- applies to everyone except kaveh

"okay now that i've gotten him distracted tell me what's wrong so i can discreetly fix it"

mans literally sent kaveh away to boost his confidence a bit + find out if he was okay.

"you annoted those books with such long and beautiful notes that eveyone hated lolol anyways check out those shelfs where there's a book with someone appreciating ur notes"

i can't get over how many exceptions al haitham makes for kaveh. he's not heartless and cruel in the way i often see him portrayed... but at the same time his entire demeanor is "i respect you as a person but won't go out of my way to do things for you unless it benefits me"

like he's one of the only characters who isn't super super close with the traveler, at least that's how i see it in the voicelines! he respects them as a friend, would consider doing things for them if they asked, but that's about it really!

but KAVEH. for someone who enjoys a peaceful life and has such a rational and efficient way of working it theoretically makes no sense for him to do all the things he does for kaveh.

like sure "maybe the cheering up kaveh is just to avoid having to deal with him drunk later", but that's too roundabout of a demeanor to be al haitham's style. plus, if he really didn't want to deal with a drunk kaveh, he could just kick him out.

but he doesn't because he cares, and kaveh does not understand that because he has created a vision of what he thinks al haitham is in his head, and in that vision he, kaveh, has no value so why would haitham have him around?? clearly he's got ulterior motives.

and they won't move further until kaveh lets go of that vision, and he can only do that if he truly realises his own worth, and until then haitham's gonna have to keep pushing him towards that from the shadows.

"he overworks himself, it's not healthy. he forgets the practicality of his ideals when he starts something, thinking he can pull through it, but reality hits him halfway. he can keep his ideals, that's fine, but i wish he was a bit more realistic about them."

"and despite all of the above, despite wanting to uphold his artistic integrity, he still puts everyone's needs before his own."

"his approach is too contradictory, and hence people don't see his talent. there are those who's resolve is so brash they are seen as confident and unshakable; and yet he who is more talented than them all falls behind because he's so easy to take advantage of."

al haitham taught me two new words today lol

irascible - someone with a quick temper

paragon - something viewed as a standard

"if he wants things to change he needs to find a balance between compromise and resolve. there is no way to please everyone, but instead of accepting this, he thinks he can nullify it if he takes all the burden instead."

kaveh's altruism stems from his own self-hatred, moreso than his desire to help others. and while doing a good deed puts a smile on his face, the melancholy guilt that trips him when he doesn't is far greater.

"if they are his ideals then i have no right to say anything about them. but he hurts himself so much as a result of that and i wish he would love himself a bit more."

al haitham has a great deal of respect for kaveh, not just as a scholar but as a person. and it's hard watching someone like that dig their own grave, and there's nothing you can do but wait in the sidelines, because they won't believe anything you say.

al haitham is constantly bickering with kaveh to get him to feel a little, challenge his ideals, find a way to make them work without sacrificing himself in return.

"at this poing talking to him is no use, he's convinced himself that his life only has purpose if it's in the hands of others. all people face hardships in life, but he seems to believe he deserves all he gets and more"

and then after kaveh is back he gives him space to talk about things that make him happy, and more importantly, appreciate himself.

how to tell kaveh i want to listen to his silly lil rants without sounding like a sap - al haitham's brain, probably

al haitham knowing all of kaveh's little buttons, and pressing the right ones after determining his mood, so he can show kaveh he loves him but still sound like a bitch.

"you did so well. i am so proud, and i hope you are proud of yourself too."

and sometimes he does click the wrong one, but then immediately goes back on it, becomes soft(er than usual), offers reassurance, changes the topic, and so on

we saw this in the parade of providence event, when kaveh got legitimately upset at one of haitham's remarks and he immediately went into I HAVE UPSET MY BF recovery mode.

and what i love the most in all this is KAVEH'S DUMBASS IS SO OBLIVIOUS TO THIS LMAOOO

but also it's sad because the reason he's oblivious is because he doesn't think he's worth being cared for like that.

haikaveh's whole vibe is "i love you, but i'd much rather you love yourself first" and "i'm your one and only, your only exception, the one you'd break all your rules for" and i love it.

#haikaveh #al haitham #kaveh #kavetham #genshin impact #alhaitham x kaveh #⥽ • chaos and chasms #try denying the allegations now bitches (affectionate)#i shld be al haithams translator fr

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mayasaura · 4 months

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Hello I see you are succumbing to the Ace Attorney Brainrot TM. If Harrow is Edgeworth, then presumably Gideon is Phoenix. Does that make the very bad teens or Palamedes her court-assigned weird little girl?

WELL, thank you for asking!!! You might just live to regret it.

The main connection is really Harrow 🤝 Edgeworth: I only think I killed my own father daddy issues, and that special kind of dorky tsundere approach to relationships. "Thanks to you, I am saddled with.... unnecessary feelings." vs. "[You were born so attractive] because everyone would have throttled you within the first five minutes otherwise," ect.

Then, of course, there's the counterpart of Gideon 🤝 Phoenix: "All books are basically the same size, right?" vs. "I tried to read a law book, and it made my head hurt. Then I dropped it, and it made my foot hurt." A sarcastic internal monologue that rarely becomes external, a drive to help others boarding on the self-destructive. And, of course, so desperate for a certain someone's attention, they'd switch career paths and life's ambition rather than be ignored. If some spoilers I've seen for later AA games are to be believed, they also both get the depression and hole themselves up in response to the world's overwhelming shittiness. 😔

So! To finally answer your actual question, Gideon's court appointed weird girl could go two ways:

1) Jeannemary and Isaac assigned baby siblings at crime scene when Gideon's mentor, Abigail, is murdered.

2) Completely change the dynamic, and Camilla is the "assistant" who herds Gideon around, gives her hints in court, and is occasionally possessed by Gideon's kind and wise mentor, Palamedes. I think I like this one better because Abigail never actually met Gideon, and making her Mia is trading solely on her psychopomp cred. Palamedes and Gideon had a connection. She trusted him. And Camilla standing trial for Palamedes' murder is so juicy.

I think that's about as far as I can take it. Slotting the rest of the characters into the Phoenix Wright setting would mostly take writing entirely new mysteries.

Unless.....

Pyrrha should be high up in the police force, but she's no Gant. If John isn't Von Karma, he could be Gant as a different breed of genial monster with a taste for the grandiose. Ianthe has potential as Lana—extremely unhelpful, in over her head, and trying to protect her sister.

Ortus is Gumshoe. I am not accepting constructive criticism at this time. <3

#that's not true I welcome other opinions including disagreement #I'm completely sane and normal about both these series what are you talking about #the locked tomb #ace attorney #if not John I'm undecided if von karma should be Crux (sole guardian after her parents die. committed a murder she was blamed for)#or Mercymorn (shitty perfectionist mentor who's fond of elaborate schemes and technically started the events leading to her parents deaths)#long post #tlt aa xover #ps if john is gant then pyrrha is the lunchlady ex cop with a harem of informats and Augustine is the depressed cowboy with a dead brother #Tlt aa au

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golden-flute · 1 year

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No one asked for my opinion on The Sun and the Star, but I’ve been thinking of nothing else since I finished the book, and I have to write my thoughts or I will explode, lol.

Fair warning: Spoilers and long-ass thought dump ahead.

Gif Originally posted by riptides

On the Themes

I picked out a few different themes that I found carried through the book:

Self-acceptance

Living with trauma

Embracing change

What healing looks like

I thought they were brilliantly approached because there was a lot of nuance for each theme. Particularly when you consider that these are pretty heavy topics for middle-reader age groups!

The biggest theme directly relating to Nico was this idea that it's possible to embrace your trauma, to accept it, and to grow around it. In his case, it's literal, with the Cocoa Puffs hanging around him now like a little parade of Walmart Ghibli Sootballs, lol.

I think that Nico was working through his trauma well before he ever heard the prophecy. The fact that he was able to accept his darkness so easily once Nyx forced him to confront it was more a mark of how far he'd already progressed than it was a big moment where he was suddenly magically healed from all of his baggage. The entire purpose of the Cocoa Puffs was to act as a physical representation of Nico's existing trauma. They will always be a part of him, but they don't define him. He's simply accepted them and freed himself from them without avoiding the fact that they'll still be there. That's such a healthy place to be, particularly because I think a lot of people tend to fall into the same trap of toxic positivity that Will did....

Many people who are natural healers and problem-solvers often fail to realize that being healed doesn't always mean that pain has totally been eradicated, hurray. In their minds, there's always some way to fix broken people. And I think that's why Will's conversation with Persephone was so important for his growth. I think he always saw Nico as someone who needed to be fixed, and to Will, that meant that Nico must hide from his trauma, or ignore it. Will's story arc centered around his acceptance that he can't (and shouldn't) always try to heal people "his way." With Nico, he had to get on his level, see him, and accept his pain. I've known people in my life who tend to avoid negative emotions because they think it's totally bad. But hiding from the pain can often make it worse. Darkness only grows stronger in the shadows, after all.

Nico and Will's internal journeys were two sides of the same coin in that respect. I loved it. Nico was ready to accept his trauma, but in a way, Will had to accept it too.

By the time they reach Nyx, these internal struggles had been mostly resolved and simply need to have their big final moment to totally hit home. But there's another kind-of-subtle-but-also-not theme for Nyx that ingeniously ties into the idea of questioning gender and sexuality. Nyx sees things as black and white. Even her own children, who are more than their labels, have to fit into these perfect molds in her mind. She's the BBEG because she struggles to change or to accept others changing around her. Talk about a heavy topic, right? But then at the end of the book, this idea of change is also beautifully encapsulated in Nico and Piper's discussion about sexuality labels. Particularly from Piper's perspective, since she's still figuring herself out and just going with what feels right in the moment. People are beautifully complex creatures who are capable of being something new every day.

On Characterization

Over the years, I've discovered that I gravitate toward the reformed, darker characters--the gloomy cinnamon rolls, if you will. Nico. Laudna and Caleb from Critical Role. Hunter in the Owl House. Zuko. Kaladin from the Stormlight Archives. Riku from Kingdom Hearts. So on and so forth. Something about their stories is so compelling to me. Perhaps seeing them overcome their own trials is a symbol that light comes after darkness, which is a message I have clung to my entire life, because it gives me hope for myself. And that’s exactly one of the messages I got from TSATS. This time, it was Nico’s turn for a reprieve from his trauma.

Y'all. Nico's a fucking NERD. The moment we met him as a little kid, he was talking everyone's ears off about Mythomagic, and he revealed he had a pirate phase and... yeah, he's just a nerd. His carefree personality took a huge nosedive after Bianca was killed, and then he became this unrecognizable dark creature of vengeance. I know some folks felt that he was really out of character in TSATS, but I find the shift just harkens back to the themes of change. Nico's transforming before our eyes, guys. Though Apollo's series and into TSATS, he's come to a place of peace where he could let go of his anger and his darkness... or at least accept them. And that's given him the space he needed to kind of get back on an even keel. He's finally able to return to his natural progression as a hyperactive dork. That's what we saw in TSATS and I loved it so much for him.

I found Will's progression really interesting as well. He's always been seen as the intrepid healer with a sometimes-literal glowing halo around him. In this story, the tables were turned and he had to accept that he needed support sometimes too. But more than that, this is the first time we've really gotten inside Will's head. We've only ever really seen him from the perspective of Nico (his admirer) and Apollo (his affectionate father). But this time, we were able to get Will's thoughts, and he's... not as perfect as we expected. And I love it. No one is perfect, and I think that in the absence of more information on Will, people sort of developed headcanons of him that understandably made the TSATS version of him a bit jarring. But if he were this perfect pariah of a character, that would hardly be interesting. I really enjoyed that in the first half, he spent so much time complaining about the Underworld, because it just meant there were some lessons for him to learn as well. He's complex, just like the rest of the PJO cast.

Other Incongruent Thoughts

Guys, I'm dead. When we finally heard the fated prophecy, I was... really underwhelmed. It didn't feel like it was literarily as impressive in the same way the other prophecies had been. It just... wasn't very good poetry. But then Dionysus criticized the rhyme structure and called it "a bit forced" and I was like "Hang on..." Come to find out, Hades made up the prophecy to get Nico to go save Bob! Can you just imagine Hades sitting at a desk, surrounded by crumpled pieces of paper, writing bad poetry that's convincing enough to get Nico off his butt and into Tartarus? I'm deceased.

The reunion between Nico, Maria, and Bianca BROKE me, y'all. I was full-on sobbing and my eyes were swollen this morning when I woke up. I was confused by how they were there, since past books said that they'd "moved on," insinuating they'd tried for rebirth. But I saw another post someone made about how Hades (or Bianca?) mentioned that they were the barest of essences remaining. I'm not saying it very well, but it made a lot more sense, and I hadn't caught that insinuation in my read-through. But I absolutely loved that we didn't get this reunion until after Nico had already accepted his trauma. If this meeting had come before, I'm sure he would have fought to "save" his mom and sister--I mean, he even says it in the book. But by that point, all he needed was to say his piece and get some closure, and that was enough for him. It was a mark of how much he's grown, and I just... *chef's kiss*

I love Hades. He's genuinely a good dad. Well... sort of. Maybe not at the beginning of PJO. But he, too, is changing his ways and taking more of an interest in his children. Or at least Nico. I wonder if we'll ever get more Hazel/Hades content? But Nico pretty much confirmed that Hades was around when he was a kid, and Hazel said the same thing in a previous book, which is more than pretty much every other demigod can say, so there you go. By Olympian standards, Hades deserves that #1 Dad mug.

I was really surprised that it took over half the book for Nico and Will to make it to Tartarus! Don't get me wrong, there was still plenty going on, but I was so used to the idea of Percy and Annabeth dropping in at chapter 2, it surprised me!

Anyone else peep the really big typo on page 401 of the US hardcover? "My mother is Bianca di Angelo, and she loved me and my sister." I stared at that for a long time last night wondering if I was going crazy, lolol. From what I've heard, the typo has already been fixed on the kindle version of the book, but those of us with physical copies have got the OG mistake. Whoops, lol!

I'm having a hard time discerning if the "'Dam it,' said Nico." on page 352 is a typo or not, for the pure and simple reason that there were so many dam jokes in PJO. And somewhere else in the book, Nico actually says "Damn," so... was it a typo? The 'dam' joke didn't really have a purpose for being there, and it wasn't repeated later, so I feel more like it might have been another typo?

We got a little Percy and Annabeth action! And Sally and Estelle! I have to admit, I was a little disappointed that Percy and Annabeth had already forgotten about Bob. Especially since Percy's whole growth in the House of Hades was to realize how many people he'd left behind. I never expected them to join Nico and Will in their Tartarus journey, but they apparently brushed him off so fast I got whiplash! What was that about? I wonder if we'll get more on that in the short story that comes out later this year?

We got a little mention of Damasen in this story as well, and obviously if he hasn't regenerated yet, there wasn't much they could do for him. But... I'm surprised that Percy and Annabeth didn't mention him or ask Nico to keep an eye out for him as well because he was there at the Doors of Death, making the same sacrifice as Bob. Will there be another Tartarus rescue mission in the future? Nemesis told Nico that any future journies into Tartarus would be unsuccessful. While I feel like it's unlikely we'll get any more Tartarus field trips, those little asides made me wonder if Rick Riordan's got more ideas floating around that he wanted to leave open for later, just in case.

They used the words gay, bisexual, and lesbian! I don't think this book series has ever done that before! I have a sneaking suspicion that this was part of Mark's contribution to the book. RR usually tends to talk around those words--he'll make it obvious, like when Apollo talked about his love for Hyacinthus, but I don't think Apollo ever actually used the word bisexual to describe himself (correct me if I'm wrong). I think that it was a really good step forward for children's literature. If you're going in, go all in, you know?

Lil Nas X made an unbelievable appearance! Lol! Though I have to admit, the inconsistency of the timeline of references sometimes gets me. Like many books ago, some character probably dropped a reference from ten years ago, and a year or two in book time, we get a Montero reference. Like, it's a small nitpick, but that inconsistency always pulls me out of the story a bit. Yeah, you heard right--I'm totally fine with the issues everyone else had with the books, but the weird timeline of references messes with me, lol. That's where I draw the line! That's not the say the Lil Nas X reference wasn't spectacular, though, lol.

Do I... like Mr. D now? I love Dionysus from the mythologies, but Mr. D was always so... blegh. But he's like legit a decent person to Nico. He shared his popcorn! That. Was. HUGE. Hahaha.

We finally got the full scoop on Nico's first trip to Tartarus!

The nickname "Night-Light" is endlessly adorable. And then Will ruins it by turning around and calling Nico "Death Boy" lol.

The trogs were never my favorite mythological creature ever, but they grew on me in this story.

So... Menoetes and Geryon, huh? Menyon? Geroetes? What's our ship name? Lol.

Will having the hots for Persephone was not on my bingo card, lol! I did really enjoy their talk, though. It really set up Will's character arc very nicely. And I loved that Persephone seems to be taking a leaf out of Hades' book and trying to be a bit kinder towards her stepchildren. It's not their fault, you know?

I'm seeing a lot of reactions to Nico's coming out story. I agree, that's one part I felt was a little bit forced. Introverted people can have moments where they're feeling brave and don't mind an audience (Hi, I'm exhibit A), I wouldn't say it's out of character per se. But it was a little bit... shall we say out of context? Since we didn't get the actual scene, but Nico and Will's recollection of it?

I really liked Gorgyra. The random chapters of stories from Nico and Will kind of jarred me a bit, but I think they were a nice touch, but would have been too much if they'd all been told chronologically. I agree with Rick and Mark's decision to split those up.

Amphithemis was a trip! I wish we could have lingered a bit more on Nico being upset at Will for tricking him away. I was glad that Nico at least asked Hades to free Amphithemis.

I saw some complaints that Nico and Will were super cringey around one another. To that, and as someone who's ace, I say... most couples are cringey around each other, particularly young couples. Nico and Will are still feeling out their relationship, and they don't have the years of friendship that Percy and Annabeth had that made their relationship so easygoing. I think Nico and Will's relationship is a bit more realistic in terms of first loves.

I loved the frank conversations about PTSD. I eat stuff like that up, because when I read it, I can just imagine someone else who really needs that sort of representation reading this book and finding comfort in characters like them.

And I'm literally out of space. I had no idea Tumblr had a character limit, but I hit it, lol. But if you got this far, thanks for reading!

#the sun and the star spoilers #tsats spoilers #spoilers #sun and the star spoilers #tsats #the sun and the star #nico di angelo #will solace #percy jackson #hades #sun and the star

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godimmiserable · 1 year

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welcome fuckers <3

My co-star today asks, "what is the source of your trust issues?" Honestly, for an app known to fuck with people, I feel weirdly comforted by the daily updates I get. That's the age-old question I have been trying to understand lately. By understanding, I mean avoiding and rationalizing my way to a very shallow conclusion. As you'll find out, I am incredibly avoidant. I choose denial over the opportunity for proper growth. If I was journaling right now, I would talk about the people in the past, my family, or my mental health. It would be a very long and draw out conversation. You wouldn't get bored because that level of dysfunction is bound to create exciting stories. However, the answer is straightforward: I don't want people to understand me before I get a chance to understand myself. Perception can feel controlling if you haven't reached stable self-esteem, and I haven't. I'm learning to take constructive criticism, but it's more than that. It is the misinterpretation of how I act vs. how I understand things about myself. We have been learning about this in my communication class; if the way others perceive you doesn't match how you perceive yourself, it can harm your self-image and esteem.

I don't trust people because asking someone to learn everything about me and still think I have room to grow and be better is like a poker game. I have to have the best poker face to persuade people to take a risk on me, but if I don't know myself, how can they know what they risk by getting to know me? Trying to find myself has felt endless, and I think that's the way it's intended to be. Still, I don't know if I can adapt quickly enough to all the changes I am bound to experience throughout my life. It's unfathomable. So distracting myself feels easier.

I haven't had the opportunity to write in a while. Not because I didn't want to but because I couldn't. I suppose I told myself I couldn't. There's a lot I need to talk about to understand who I am now because of what I have been through and who I want to be when I learn to accept that part of my life. I recently started taking a new approach to love and building and securing relationships with new people. I'm taking it one step at a time. At each stage, I evaluate where my boundaries lie, if they're being crossed, how the person makes me feel, why I have difficulty staying consistent, and how they can be what I need. That started with my celibacy journey about 11 months ago. Even saying it out loud makes me feel crazy. Not because I did it, but that I have lasted this long. A lack of sex makes reinforcing my boundaries a lot easier. I want to have sex, but what's the point if that person isn't what I need? After months of talking to duds, I deleted my tinder and cleared my entire roster. Tinder has always been hard for me because it has always acted as a constant tool for validation. One day I realized I didn't need it anymore; more than that, I didn't want it.

I have not been as successful as I would like in my friendships. I forget that friends are supposed to be a means of support when things are hard. They are there to learn, love and accept. I have a hard time understanding this concept because I have befriended people who didn't care about those things. The people I have met recently are the opposite. The people I have become friends with have healed me. Yet, when things go south, I grieve alone. I'm terrified that judgment and disdain will be followed after I vent, but I know my friends wouldn't do that. I am trying to figure out how to conceptualize this.

In the meantime, I am going to write more. This has always been how I come to terms with how things are. It's how I keep track of memories I can't grasp now. I've been talking to someone who said writing is everything to them. Writing is everything to me. It's the one thing I have understood, whether my words or someone else's. Books have provided me the comfort no human has, and writing is the blanket that keeps me warm. I stopped writing because the pain you feel when writing about the things you loved can't be unwritten. My thoughts have always been transparent when I write; it is the one place where I have never been afraid, to be honest. So get ready for my crazy, chaotic, lonely life; I am ready to talk about it.

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jbfly46 · 9 months

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A Strategy for Waking Others To Uncomfortable Truths That They Have Been Asleep & Perhaps Manipulated: Maybe found in Dr. Seuss’s classic children's book "Green Eggs and Ham." In this simple children's book penned in 1960, we are introduced to Sam-I-Am and a skeptic resistant to trying on thoughts, things, and activities. In the book it is the unfamiliar dish of green eggs and ham.

Beyond its surface, the tale provides a metaphor for how we can approach those we care about, to begin to question narratives and to challenge well accepted beliefs and mind viruses that are unhealthy for one's success, and recently for their health and life.

Over 15 times, the skeptic denies Sam-I-Am's offer to try green eggs and ham. Yet, with persistence and kindness, Sam-I-Am nudges him to try the dish, leading to a paradigm-shifting revelation for the skeptic.

This mirrors real life, where many hold beliefs without questioning their validity. Like the skeptical character, many resist challenging deeply ingrained narratives and beliefs that are harmful to them and to those they care about.

It's crucial to approach such individuals with compassion and patience, as direct confrontation often fortifies their long-held unquestioned beliefs. Instead, by subtly promoting that they seek self-inquiry, paving the way for them at their own pace for personal revelation. It’s not about convincing; it’s about sparking their cognitive processes leading to questioning and introspection.

Awakening to a misguided belief system that one has been lied to is jarring but it is also a step towards enlightenment, freedom, choice and action. The experience of your very own personal apocalypse - an unveiling to the truth is a transformative event that happens at everyone's own pace and time.

In our information age, scripted narratives and half-truths have been fed to us our entire lives. As truth advocates for our family and fellow citizens to reclaim their thoughts, sovereignty and autonomy, we should never force our perspectives.

Instead, with patience and persistence, we can ignite in others to discover the truth. In each of us personal discovery lies the truth and has power to change the world. This has always been the way it has always been.

“No force on earth can stop an idea whose time has come” - Victor Hugo (1802-1885)

#Green Eggs and Ham

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thegrimmmystic · 1 year

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Encountering The Shadow

In Carl Jung's "The Red Book" he described that one could encounter their Shadow, in a TRULY physical manifestation. Well, after a few rounds of The Alchemical Process, I can testify on Jungs behalf for this to be true. There seems to be a link of some sort between all of the synchronicities throughout the day, and them stemming from both our 'Highest Self' and from our 'Shadow'. It seems that The Shadow is very aware of the work being done with the Alchemical Process and in turn will turn to attempts of manipulation through our deepest fears as a last ditch effort to dissuade you from following through on the creating the desired product of your Alchemy. It still amazes me how these synchronicities work but the more I look into it, the more things become clear as to what's going on. Your Highest Self seems to hold control during the day, The Shadow at night, and Dawn/Dusk are the times they both have the ability to control the synchronicities, though it seems that is entirely based around where your current vibrations stand and the frequency they're emitting. I've also learned that, in most cases, your Shadow truly does want what's best for you as well, and that it's only upon believing there's an attempt at snuffing out its existence that it reduces to psychological warfare on you. It doesn't intend to harm you. These dominating, manipulative, toxic approaches are simply the defense mechanisms it's been taught to equip as a form of survival. We MUST remember that our Shadow was our protector of our self from this world and all the negative experiences that came with it prior to 'awakening'.

Having recognized these patterns and how it works, I've begun to try a different approach. One that more NEGOTIATES with the Shadow opposed to threatening. Instead of attempting to rid myself of my Shadow, I've chosen to give it 'its own room' where it's free to express itself however it may wish, free from any and all judgement. I've taken control of the self while making my stance VERY clear with the Shadow. I've noticed the Shadow doesn't really like this new arrangement, as it's still attempting to dominate the mind with fear tactics, looking for a weak enough moment of self-doubt for it to take back the seat of control. But, I truly do think this is only because it's not used to me being able to see it as clearly as I do now. It's used to being able to steal back control with its war tactics and mind games, but is reluctantly beginning to accept the terms I've laid out. I'm no longer putting down my Shadow as something 'bad', and instead am understanding it, why it is the way it is, and why it works the way it does. The answer isn't complex. This World has dealt so much damage and trauma, that the Shadow HAD to learn to fight the way it does to maintain survival. Which is heartbreaking on its own, but when you take in the whole picture, it shows the genius that can truly be found within the Shadow, and IN TURN, the genius that can be used towards your developments progression.

So the terms laid out are that it may have it's platform. It's free to express itself in all of its misunderstood beauty in all the ways it wishes, so long as it brings no harm to the wholeness of the self. I'll ensure I give it it's time. But that when we are no longer with "it's room" that IM the one who maintains control over the 'rest of the house'. Well, outside of 'the highest selfs' room as well. With them I hold the same arrangement.

I'm very interested to see how this round of Alchemical work plays out and I'll be sure to log the changes I notice and the progress made from it all.

Until then, Blessed Be

🤍🕯👁🖤

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vacci4president · 6 months

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Self Awareness

ive never made a tumblr before so let me give it a try; i believe tumblr is a blog so here is a post from my medium to get the ball rolling, let me know what you think.

This knowledge is not one that can be given. It cannot be written down, i cannot sell it to you. Knowledge of self awareness is similar to knowledge of a colour. After a certain age, you will have been taught about colours, and after an amount of time, you will have a good understanding of what is red and what red is. Forgive the blunt metaphor, but you cannot explain this to a blind person. The colour red is a concept, and you cannot explain what red is to someone (using only words) to such an extent that they gain a sufficient understanding and knowledge of what red is. It is something which must be seen and experienced, and self awareness is no different.

That paragraph was me explaining that i can give you the “tools” to become more self-aware, but i cannot “make” you more self-aware. This article also isn’t going to focus on becoming more self-aware, instead a simple overview of self-awareness as a concept, and how to approach it practically. Self-awareness is a very strange wiggly thing which cannot be described or taught, everything i say is subjective but i will try my best.

I am going to show you the introduction from my (currently unreleased) book, Astronomica : ONE. Here, i’m talking about the “thought emergency”, hopefully answering (in part) the question of “Why are people so stupid?”. I also talk about “normalism” and “normalists”, to understand the full context of that word i recommend you read this article. I’ll add clarifications for things, anyway here it is;

The necessity of certain changes to the life of the mainstreamer, the normalist, reveals itself in the way of nothingness. For example, fulfilment in life is never truly there. It may be there in a fleeting, temporary way, but not in a true and permanent way. The attempt for something greater not out of the struggle for truth, goodness and spirituality on earth, but out of the animalistic, materialistic pleasure in the form of quite simply anything we consider normal nowadays.

A knowing or unknowing true normalist will not go anywhere with their life, they will not make too much money, or become famous unless entirely by chance, winning the lottery or by using the algorithms of social media. Unless they are wealthy. Wealth creates opportunity, but most wealthy people are understanding of the way that the system works, and they directly aid it. This keeps poor people and rich people distinct.

While the word “normalist” has its roots in supporters of the status quo and “normal” ideas, it also is referring to the things that today we consider normal, but are incredibly detrimental to our wellbeing as a species on an individual level. Here are some things, things that may seem like problems to some and not to others that stem entirely from normalism:

Microplastics come from plastic, which has become widely used out of the pure desire for more profit, less work, and ease of use. Plastic not only creates enormous problems for the earth, it also contaminates the stuff inside of it. For example, things like cheese, olive oil, drinks, basically all things that can be consumed, when placed in plastic instead of glass, wood or metal become noticeably worse. They are worse for you, because of the microplastics, and they usually just taste worse. Even the most evangelical vegan no-waste et cetera cannot avoid plastic in their day-to-day life. Why? Normalism.

Alcohol is so accepted and engrained in today's society, even though it is way more toxic than most illegal drugs (including weed and nutmeg (nutmeg is illegal for recreational use in the uk(?!?!))), when most people think about drinking, the question is not "Why am i doing this? Is this good?", the question is "What should i drink, how much?". We need more self-awareness before we drink ourselves into an early grave as a society.

Another thing that people don’t understand is a normalist problem is the insane way that people consume TV programmes. Firstly, as I have written before, the creators of TV programs, no matter if they are big companies or individual writers, will insert their personal bias into the shows, usually staged as jokes in which the side that is being joked about has no platform to defend itself. If you control the microphones, you control the debate. It helps to insert normalist sentiment and anti-spiritual ideas into the brains of the masses, all while making each individual genuinely believe that they are the ones who came up with those ideas. If you think something is an original thought, then you’re going to believe it, because it’s yours, not anybody else’s. They cannot understand that it is because of the shows they binge and watch, unknowingly pouring metaphorical acid into their brain.

Movies are similar to TV shows but slightly different. They require full concentration of the senses, or you are not actually watching the movie. You must be watching, listening and paying attention, or you are not watching the movie. Most movies, like shows, provide no value to the viewer. They do not provoke meaningful thought, or incite the viewer to go and do something interesting. Instead they give the viewer two to three hours of nothing. Of course, some movies are truly thought provoking, and “good” but most movies released in the last thirty years are time wasting, anti-intellectual nonsense. Do you want to become an initiate, do you want to be the enemy of normalism? Then your first step is to think about the content that you watch, for someone who consumes and lives in nonsense perpetuates nonsense.

Fast fashion is something that is accepted far too much in today's society. Why is it that buying new clothes whenever you feel like it is accepted? I am not referring to people who don't have clothes, or appropriate clothes, i'm talking about people who have adequate clothes but will buy more and more for literally no reason other than slight materialistic "want". Why? What's the point? If you send them back, they go straight to a landfill, and all of the clothes were made in a sweatshop too. You shouldn't support an industry that is as evil as the fashion industry.

To put it simply, we are in the thought emergency we are today almost exclusively because of normalism and materialism. If you haven't read any of my stuff before (or if you haven't been outside and talked to any average people), we are in a thought emergency. People are more materialistic than ever, they will vote and support whoever the news asks them to, They will take in mainstream ideas and genuinely believe that they are the original source of those ideas, and they will not question their surroundings, what they do and who they talk to. The school system and society drags the individual's capacity for thought down back into the bucket of crabs- or in other words, the pub.

Apathy is one of the single worst things that anyone can fall into. Many religions and systems state that apathy is the lowest (or one of the lowest) states one can be in, only below it is death itself. It is the creator of many of our problems. Simply not caring is a very big problem, and many don’t care enough to acknowledge that fact. For example, not caring caused;

The entire political mess we are in right now, with right-wing reactionary opinion prevailing in the people, the acceptance of mainstream “normal” narrative which usually happens to be very right-wing

Overconsumption of media, such as movies and TV (this has its roots in materialistic pleasure too)

A general lack of interest in spirituality, politics and philosophy leading to bad decisions being made in those avenues.

People find themselves living in their environments. They live simply in their worlds and go about their day. They go shopping, they watch TV, they go to work, and they go to sleep. They are wholly in their environment, they are almost a part of their environment, like furniture. They do not ask what they are doing, they do not question why they do things or why things are the way they are.

They couldn’t care less about politics, spirituality or philosophy, because they exist wholly in the world, floating like an uncritical leaf in the stream of mainstream society, guided by the government’s unnatural dams and canals, they allow things to happen to them and those they love out of ignorance, but because of the way the world has been set up, they have been made ignorant of said ignorance. This is the current unfortunate reality for most people today. They don't care, because in their world, why would they? They go home to their warm beds and eat their food.

Unless prompted (which is something the media or their acquaintances will never do), these people will never think about the important things. They will continue doing things the way they have always been. They need a little nudge to become an individual, to gain that first part of self awareness critical for their journey into the light.

The more real research you do on the subject of politics and the state of the world today, real and ideological, you begin to find that self awareness is essentially the answer to everything. It’s the answer to bad politics, it’s the answer to bad philosophy and it’s the answer to bad spirituality. Self-awareness essentially is the answer.

But of course, it is hard to attain. You can’t just think about your thinking, declare it all bad and say that you’re “cured”. You have to give yourself time alone, writing, cooking, meditating, just not consuming media. This will give your brain time to think about things and receive things. You will then start to realise things about individual topics. Then more topics. Then how those topics interlink. And through sound self-awareness, you will get a good, sound grasp on reality via inner knowing.

This way, you will not fold when questioned, you will have the means to reply. You will have worked it all out, and you will be able to reply to a sufficient degree that someone who wants to question you with good intention.

Good conversation can trigger self awareness. There are many people out there who have the capacity to become individuals, and learn about philosophies, such as Anthroposophy, that help people become a more full and capable version of themselves. But obviously, the time has to be right. Completely right. There is no room for error, otherwise the person will form first impressions, and if they are bad then you might as well give up.

But “attaining” a heightened self-awareness will not happen overnight, it may take years, and you simply cannot recognise when you have “it”. For example, two years ago i was convinced that i was writing to my fullest extent, that i was behaving in a truly self-aware way. But i was not. And certainly i will say that about myself two years from now. It is an ever-evolving process in which your brain will tell you that you are at your peak, maybe even above other people all the time. This is, most of the time, not true. Your brain is trying to put life into context. It cannot comprehend the greatness that is living.

Self-awareness is the constant reality check, the knowledge of life material and immaterial, navigating away from Lucifer and Ahriman, shooting down the middle path of goodness and truth.

One of the things that is a great hindrance to self-awareness is the “everyday norms”. The hello and how are you, the redundant conversation about a TV show or the weather, or maybe a coworker’s second cousin got a job. This is nonsense and it does not serve any constructive purpose. It is also quite materialist as it keeps all conversation grounded, when one is gossiping about a friend for example, they cannot talk about how the planet is melting, or how this entire universe may be a simulation. This is another example of those without vital self awareness not questioning the things they do in their everyday life.

The mainstream education system is also another hindrance to self awareness, with the whole system being about control, solidifying the “reality” of authority and making sure the will of the individual can be broken by their future employer, self awareness does not fit into that and it is not taught in any meaningful way, not a conversation, nor an exercise. They almost discourage it. Wonder why they do that?

For more on Self Awareness, i gave a lecture a few months ago in a discord server about this very topic. I highly recommend you give it a listen if you are at all interested; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QFEZWODZgY

Thanks for reading.

#self awareness #philosophy #stoicism #anthroposophy #steiner #politics #leftism #anti capitalism

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ryanmeft · 7 months

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Killers of the Flower Moon Movie Review

It is a sad and quiet thing. In the early 1920s, the Osage Indians who live in Oklahoma are the richest people per capita on earth, because the worthless land they were forced onto is in fact bursting with oil. After centuries of persecution, they now drive the finest cars, eat the finest foods and live in the finest homes. And bit by bit, one by one, their fortunes are transmuted into white men’s fortunes. Rich Indians are dying mysteriously, and every death seems to benefit a white man.

The subtitle of the book by David Grann is “The Osage Murders and the Birth of the FBI”. These words make it clear that the two-fold focus of the story is on the victims of the killings and the attempts to crack the case. Indeed, in the book, the years-long investigation takes up most of the second half, while the first half is largely focused on the Osage themselves. Readers are given many plausible leads, and the identities of the perpetrators are left in doubt until the G-men begin to uncover them.

Scorsese takes a different approach. Within ten minutes of the 206-minute runtime, we know exactly who the villains are, exactly what goals they have, and swiftly after that we know their methods. Almost the entire film is consumed with studying them, while never offering a human motivation to their madness. That is not a deficiency of Scorsese and Eric Roth’s screenplay, but a simple consequence of the fact no sane motivation can exist for the atrocities committed by William Hale and Ernest Burkhart. Robert De Niro and Leonardo DiCaprio unite for the first time under one film to portray the master and his willing lieutenant. One has nothing human left in him, while the other trades what is left of his for money.

As with Spielberg’s fascination with Amon Goeth in Schindler’s List, Scorsese himself seems gobsmacked that such a blatantly evil man as Hale can exist. Dubbed “The King of the Osage Hills”, he is composed of so many self-justifying threads that the man ought to collapse under the sheer weight of his own contradictions. In strictest confidence, he informs Burkhart that the Osage money must remain “in the family”. When speaking of assassinating, brutalizing, poisoning and blowing up the people who stand in the way of the transfer of that wealth, he talks as if he were discussing the weather. While he does this, he offers high sums for the capture of the culprits and assures his Osage “friends” that their loved ones are in a better place. Money is his stated motivation, but his true motivation seems to be to do whatever he wants and get away with it.

No better actor could have been found for this role than De Niro. He is so natural a paternalistic figure that even I, who finished the book mere weeks before the film released, wanted to believe he was genuine. To believe he is masterminding dozens of murders of those who trust him out of pure lust for power is like being asked to accept that your own grandfather is guilty of war crimes. Scorsese examines his quarry from a great remove, never letting us inside his private thoughts or very deep into his inner character.

This is in line with the book, in which Hale’s own life is regarded from a distance. How else can you regard it? There is nothing that could change to make him sympathetic. He is an animal driven by covetousness, elevated above the thugs he employs only by his suits and his status. Indeed, he begins already wealthier than he ever needs to be. He does not not need the Osage money. He simply wants it.

Ernest Burkhart, a naturally nervous and rough man, does need it, not being independently wealthy himself, and he goes from petty thief to a willing cog in a grander scheme, constructing ever more elaborate rationalizations. He reaches a point where he is willing to slowly poison his own wife and blow up innocent people’s homes with them inside, yet he never quite reaches Hale’s level of detestable evil, because his actions are directed by another. Burkhart is aided by a series of accomplices who play on the trust of the Indians, and while each stands out, it would be too laborious to summarize them all here. Instead DiCaprio assumes the role of the most visceral bad guy, taking many traits of the book’s characters unto himself.

As the plot progresses, it becomes less quiet but no less sad. Hale, finding his thefts less smooth and more challenged as outside forces intervene, resorts to increasingly brazen means to keep the wealth flowing from the Indians and to him, and finally he pulls the caper that gets him caught: the bombing of the home of Bill Smith (Jason Isbell) and his Osage wife Rita (JaNae Collins). This is too loud, and it sends Mollie to Washington to beg assistance from the President directly. That involves the Bureau of Investigation, precursor to the FBI, who dispatch Tom White (Jessie Plemmons) to the scene.

Here Scorsese’s choice results in the film’s biggest weakness. In the book, since we don’t know the details of the master plan from the outset, the investigation takes up a much larger portion, and it is a thrilling one. Witnesses come and go, being seduced or murdered by Hale, seedy private detectives hinder more than help, and the Osage Hills become a place where people disappear into the chaos of the early 20th century’s new frontier. These investigations in the film take up barely the space allotted to an episode of a TV procedural, and since the solution is a foregone conclusion, all of the tension is sapped.

Similar, too, is the treatment of the Osage characters. Grann develops them in detail, reaching into their inner worlds. Most importantly, he portrays their lives in the context of their times, where white men ostensibly charged with protecting them think less than nothing of turning Osage wealth into their wealth. A murder of an Osage, as the movie points out, is after all less of a crime than the murder of a dog, and the Osage are only wealthy because they lucked into land that should have belonged to whites.

While Lily Gladstone as Mollie Burkhart, whose husband slowly poisons her with tainted insulin, absorbs every scene she is in, she is ultimately in too few and Ernest in too many. Again Scorsese has chosen to focus on the villains, and we never get to know Mollie as a person. The politics of the times are likely to ensure Gladstone becomes the first Native actor with a real shot at an Academy Award, and she has earned it but done so in a role that should have been greater than it is.

It is not my job to turn in a book report but to tell you if this shift in scope damages the film. That answer may depend on your perspective. Scorsese wanted to make a film that regards a fundamental evil as a force unto itself, without justification, and he has made one. It will not grant great insight into any other aspect of the times, the people or the killings, but it does come with one great insight into American culture: the traditional text denouement of what happened to who after the film is replaced by putting on one of the radio plays J. Edgar Hoover so loved for the glorification of the Bureau and himself. Actors-playing-actors read out the fates of the cast while using common objects to create the sound effects, and viewers of a pre-TV era can appreciate this both on a stylistic level and for the look it gives us as to how we process reality.

Verdict: Recommended

Note: I don’t use star ratings. Here are my possible verdicts:

Must-See

Highly Recommended

Recommended

Average

Not Recommended

Avoid Like the Plague

Note: both the book and the film use the term Indian to refer to the Osage characters, and I have followed that convention here.

#martin scorsese #movies #killers of the flower moon #leonardo dicaprio #robert de niro

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thoughtsbymelb · 1 year

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Practicing Self-Regulation and Wellness to Support Learning and Success

Take-aways and Insights

I can say that although there is room for improvement, that I’ve reached both of my SMART goals! This doesn’t mean I’m finished developing these skills, but I’ve made a good start to getting where I want to be. Progress is slow and these are just two relatively short-term goals that will get me there. What I’ve learned from this experience is that it is hard to change habits, especially with self-regulation. I even failed to track at some points during this project and had to get myself back on track. It’s also difficult to accept failures and try again. I almost gave up on this project completely because I fell behind! Using my resources and communicating my needs and situation helped me accept my situation and move past it without giving up entirely. I’m glad I didn’t! This experience of trying new strategies, failing, then trying them again will continue to motivate me to rebound from failures and make them successes in the future.

This semester has served as an eye-opening experience to tools that can help me be my best self not just academically, but professionally and personally as well. My experience with this book and this course has most notably helped me strength my growth mindset. This is an incredibly helpful way to approach new experiences, success, and even failures. I have much more progress to make to be where I want to be with my organization skills, time-management, and well-being, but the tools and practices I’ve gathered through this experience will help guide me to be better each time I use them!

My advice to other students would be to dive in, assess your performance, and try it again! You can’t develop a new skill or test your abilities without trying first, and failure is a part of that process. Developing your growth mindset to increase your mental endurance for the challenges you face in college is essential to do your best and know you’re reaching your maximum potential. Continue workouts for your brain and your body, you’ll be happy you did it!

Photo credit: Adobe Stock

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nyx-b-log · 2 years

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Am I Trans Enough? by Alo Johnston

thanks to netgalley for the arc!

read: oct 2022

rating: 4*

summary:

see title ;) more seriously, a self-help text written by a therapist for people who are experiencing doubt in and of their transness.

opinion:

this is a really affirming read! or at least it was to me.

to some extent i think this is the kind of book which each reader will get varying mileage out of depending on what they relate to and what they need. cishet people might struggle (but i still believe it could be useful for them! you never know what gender is lurking, plus allyship!), but people who have a more complex relationship with gender will (i believe) find parts that they relate to, if not the whole thing.

the book itself covers a variety of potential trans and nonbinary experiences and historical context, and tho i bounced off the first half (with the exception of the exploration of the strange feeling of trying new pronouns which made me feel a lot better about a fear i'd been diminishing) the second half felt much more practiceable. towards the end there's three separate chapters, one each on being a trans man, woman, and nonbinary.

(the author also acknowledges that this doesn't and can't cover all potential identities and experiences. how you feel about that is up to you.)

and, of course, the gist of the book is that yes, yes you are trans enough.

the chapters themselves are very short, a couple of pages each, and any longer ones are broken up with sub-sections, so it's very easy to read. plus, if anything comes up that you really need to sit and think about for a while - and like me, you have a base need to finish chapters before putting the book down - you can!

but, bear in mind, i don’t technically identify myself as trans (though i use multiple pronouns), so this was more of an interesting reading exercise, with a few hopes that maybe some of those minor niggling doubts were more universal than i'd initially thought. (surprising literally no one, they were).

however, as a person relatively newly playing with gender, i did feel very affirmed and reassured by both the writing style and the content.

it's also, for anyone concerned, open and accepting of detransition as an option, and supports more fluid experiences of gender. (low bar, i know, but appreciated.)

my only critiques with it are that it seems to try and cover too much at once, and ends up covering a lot of stuff in a very light way. this, coupled with the lack of activities makes it feel like a sort of superficial book. to put it another way, i feel like my knowledge around trans doubt has changed, but i'm not entirely sure how to approach feeling different around my own doubt.

not unhelpful tho! and the long list of resources and notes in the back are greatly appreciated!

but still, i think i was hoping for a bit more depth.

on the whole, i enjoyed this book and found it useful! would recommend to anyone early in their gender journey, or perhaps looking for a little insight into other gender identities.

#books #reading #bookblr #am i trans enough?#book review #alo johnston #lgbtq+#see my reading thread for more #but this covers pretty much everything #it did take me a while to get into it #and i think i may have read it a bit too quickly and not taken in some of the stuff i should have done #but ah well #i'm glad i got to read it!#for those curious the release date is 21 feb 2023

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selfworthsam · 2 years

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I Changed My Mind About Imposter Syndrome. Here’s Why.

Author: Self Worth Sam, Imposter Syndrome Expert, Professional Speaker & Trained Demartini Method Facilitator

I used to think imposter syndrome was when a person doubted their intelligence, skill and achievements. However, now I realize the problem goes deeper. The inability to internalize achievements and accept evidence of competency derives from the incredible power we all have to construct and completely believe a mental self-image and self-identity, even one that defies and distorts reality, and observable facts. Such an untapped power of the mind ought to be studied and cultivated. Imagine the power it could give a person. In this article Self Worth Sam will share with you why he changed his mind about Imposter Syndrome and why.

The current understanding of imposter syndrome is that an individual, usually a high achiever with plenty of evidence of success, intelligence, skill and competency, is unable to take credit for these very things. Additionally, such people fear being exposed as a fraud, a fake and an imposter for being out of their depth, and for having fooled everyone regarding their intelligence, skill and achievements. These individuals therefore experience anxiety, depression, they procrastinate in their careers, or in business, and in many other ways.

There are a few ways to manage imposter syndrome, such as talking to a trusted friend, talking to another person who has experienced imposter syndrome, particularly because a second opinion of ourselves can (1) help us realise we are not alone and (2) the forming of positive relationships can support us through challenging times. There is also the ‘facing the fear and doing it anyway’ approach, which I tried for a few years to overcome the fear of public speaking, but it really only desensitised me. I didn’t want to be desensitised, I wanted to be inspired and fearless. These approaches can bring some relief, but they do not truly get to the source of the problem.

The symptoms of imposter syndrome, the self-doubt and the fear of being exposed as a fake, are distractions from the core of the matter: unclear personal values. In other words, if an individual isn’t entirely certain of their values, the values of others will infiltrate their mind, causing them to re-calibrate their self-identity in a false way, generating an impossible to achieve ‘ideal, successful and confident self’.

The fact of the matter is many people have never clarified their values. Instead the values they think are important are often instilled and indoctrinated over many years by well-meaning parents, friends, religions, the media, and society – but rarely is an individual encouraged to determine their own values. Imposter syndrome is a result of being completely disorientated about what truly matters to them. This results in comparing to others, exaggerating the intelligence of others, seeing only one side to situations, jumping to conclusions about people, and never using discernment or objective thinking.

No wonder so many have self-worth issues. No wonder so many people are uninspired, unfulfilled and confused – it’s because they don’t know who they are nor how to work out who they want to be. Instead, people accept this idea that imposter syndrome is self-doubt. It’s not so much self-doubt as it is self-deception.

I’ve changed my mind about imposter syndrome. It’s about knowing yourself. It’s about reflecting on yourself and what holds true meaning for you. Want to know your values? Ask yourself, where are you most organised and disciplined? What are the behaviors you do that no one needs to remind you to do? What brings you to life?

Those are the avenues that will lead you to the knowledge of your highest values. Seek and you shall find. Imposter syndrome isn’t about curing self-doubt, it’s about cultivating self-knowledge.

Read my latest book: How to Beat Imposter Syndrome and Be Confident available on Amazon in paperback, kindle and audiobook

Want to take the next step to beat Imposter Syndrome and be confident? Take my free online course

Need a speaker for your podcast, meeting or event to talk about Imposter Syndrome? Download my press kit

Dissolve your emotional blockages and gain new clarity and freedom. Schedule a private consultation with Self Worth Sam via Zoom schedule a session or Learn more

#imposter syndrome #motivation #inspiration #entrepreneurship #personaldevelopment #businessintelligence

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ladydihria · 2 years

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"It's mad twisted, but surviving showed me it’s better to be alive wishing I was dead than dying wishing I could live forever. If I can lose it all and change my attitude, you need to do the same before it’s too late, dude. You gotta go for it"

"That love is a superpower we all have, but it’s not always a superpower I’d be able to control. Especially as I get older. Sometimes it’ll go crazy and I shouldn’t be scared if my power hits someone I’m not expecting it to."

"Life isn’t meant to be lived alone. Neither are End Days"

"Entire lives aren’t lessons, but there are lessons in lives."

"You may be born into a family, but you walk into friendships. Some you’ll discover you should put behind you. Others are worth every risk."

"“People have their time stamps on how long you should know someone before earning the right to say it, but I wouldn’t lie to you no matter how little time we have. People waste time and wait for the right moment and we don’t have that luxury. If we had our entire lives ahead of us I bet you’d get tired of me telling you how much I love you because I’m positive that’s the path we were heading on. But because we’re about to die, I want to say it as many times as I want—I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.”

They both die at the end by Adam Silvera

What will you do if you would stumble in a caller with whom told you are gonna have a day to live? Well, the story I've read is all about these two boys age 17 and 18 who was notified by the death cast that they only have 24 hours to live. Rufus and Mateo are both having their call from death cast for their approaching death, but due to this last friend app wherein all people who got a call from death cast would be able to find a last friend through this app. Thus, Mateo and Rufus with the help of this app cross their path, two boys with different stories with a countdown for their death would spend their remaining time together to live their lives. I've always read a recommendation about this book in my book community group pages they said its the best book they've read blahblah blah. But as I first read the chapter1, the plot is not so good for my taste. You know I've usually read a heavy genre with its good plot. And this Adam silvera They both die at the end is not what I expected yes! I put a lot of expectation towards this story but it failed me a bit. But I really like these two teenagers who are fighting to live even though they only have a day to do so. And as I continued to be indulge in this story I find it very inspiring. The character of Mateo really fitted my description of myself, he's invisible and careful to every move he do he kinda scared of showing his true self but as he met Rufus together they conquer their demons inside of them.

I have this thoughts if only we could have braveness to be who we are then we would not have wasted a lot of time hiding our truest self. If only I could find myself, then at this age of 19 I could be who I am and find my true passion in life. I will be having a lot more time to enjoy everything I have physically and internally. But here I am still waiting for my purpose, right now I'm envious of these two character who at least live their lives fighting, and letting themselves free from hostile doubts within them.

On the contrary I dont wanna have this death cast to exist its better to die without you being notified before your death by this certain freak organization who can perceive your mortality. Yes its has an advantage to say goodbye to your love ones if you knew you will be gone in a minute or two but somehow its better to leave it the way it should be in order for our living beloved to learn to heal and accept death as a part of our life.

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astaroth1357 · 3 years

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More undateables with a demigod hades mc???

By request, have yourself a part two!!

Demigod MC Series: Hades Pt. 2 (Un)Dateables Edition!

I will ask that y’all please don't ask for continuations of other gods unless I say it’s okay to do again. This series already fills my inbox something fierce and this is a one-off that I allowed for during the request window. If I have to make ideas for new gods while continuing a bunch of old MCs, it'll burn me out fast...

Demigod MC Series: Intro, Aphrodite, Hermes, Hades, Dionysus, Demeter, Athena, Hades Pt. 2

Diavolo

Oh, he has no problem at all hosting a child of the Underworld, hell he even throws them a welcome banquet when he finds out! Hades is a dear friend - and practically a parental figure to him growing up - so he's more than happy to take in one of his children for a year.

Diavolo is actually one of the few people that the MC can talk to about their home with any kind of fondness. Usually when they bring up things like the comforting wailing of the River Coctyus, the brothers will give them weird looks... but Diavolo knows where they're coming from!

He spent numerous summers in the Underworld growing up doing things like pestering Charon on the River Styx or playing games with Cerberus (the other one) in the Asphodel Meadows... His beach house is actually modeled after his childhood summer home in the Isles of Paradise! Really, it can be a lovely place if the gloom doesn't bother you!

So in the spirit of his fond memories, Diavolo really tried to make their time in the Devildom a fun one!... in his maybe trying a little too hard way…

Poor MC found themselves offered pretty much everything under the moon… Tickets or exclusive passes to different cultural events/festivals, invitations to gala events, and tours of nearly every inch of Hell by the Prince himself - it was… it was a lot for the poor introverted thing…

It didn’t help that Diavolo would have a hard time gauging if they were having any fun due to their naturally melancholic nature, which only pushed him to try harder… He means well, he does. He’s just not the most in touch with what would make an anti-social doom child happy...

It took Barbatos and Lucifer stepping in for the mortal to actually start getting some much needed space and that improved their experience significantly. Sometimes less is more, Dia… Less is more. But they appreciate his efforts anyway.

Barbatos

Also has a pretty amicable relationship with the Ruler of the Underworld, though his is much more professional compared to Diavolo’s. He actually has a good deal of appreciation for the man for taking good care of the Prince during his visits, so he sees this as an opportunity to return the favor.

Like Diavolo, he’s rather focused on making sure the MC is having a good stay in the Devildom, but he’s much more subtle about it. He’ll come by the House often to check up on them and make sure everything is to their liking...

Even the brothers notice that he treats them like anothering visiting Lord/Lady in that way, which he would argue they very much are and should be respected as one. It’s the least the Devildom can offer their father at this point.

His visits may also be an excuse for keeping an eye on the brothers to make sure they don’t do anything to inconvenience their “young guest…” To be honest, the entire House is a little paranoid about that… Nobody wants to know the punishment for hurting MC if Barbs is the one dishing it out...

Apart from watching out for them, Barbatos tries to encourage the MC to accept the Young Lord’s gifts (while also actively advising Diavolo to go easier on them at the same time). It would be so disheartening to him if his Prince feels like he hasn’t offered them the best experience that he could… He’s sure they understand.

Any time that he invites the MC to tea, they usually end up talking about their father in some way. Barbs knows a surprising amount about the god… He’s been around about as long as Chronos - preceding the birth of Aether and Chaos themselves - so he has some stories to tell.

The MC did once ask him why he doesn’t just run everything if he’s really been around for so long... his answer was: “Kings and their kingdoms will rise and fall… Worlds upon worlds are born, then cease to be. But time is what brings about all changes… So, I think I’m perfectly content with the power I possess. Wouldn’t you be?”

Annnd they never asked Barbs another question like that again… and people think death is scary…

Simeon

He was honestly a little worried for their new companion for quite a while… It’s not like there’s never any sadness in the Celestial Realm or anything, but they seem to have something else entirely…

He’s heard stories about the Underworld. He’s never been himself, that’s usually a job for the Seraphim due to the… dreary nature of the place - but he’s heard it would make the Devildom look downright festive…

If he were being honest, he had half expected the MC to be obsessed with skeletons, ghosts, and other elements of darkness but that wasn’t the case. They certainly knew a lot about those things, but they appeared to have a healthy interest in the afterlife in general, so they asked him a lot of questions about the Celestial Realm, angels, and how the souls of the blessed are treated up there… It was surprising to say the least.

Of course he did the same and, frankly, Simeon found it incredibly wasteful that so many Greek followers find themselves just wasting away in a field of nothing for so long… but that’s neither here nor there.

He was also surprised by how gentle of an influence the MC ended up being on Luke as well. He had always suspected that the little angel just needed a bridge between him and Devildom to start finding appreciation for it, and the MC fit that bill perfectly - nothing he was used to, but still approachable enough to make everything less frightening. He thanks them a great deal for that… but...

It’s just that… Well they’re just so… depressing sometimes…! He doesn’t want to blame them because it hardly seems like their fault! They’re a very kind person, it’s just an atmosphere around them… It brings him to tears if he isn’t careful…

He’s invited the MC to Purgatory Hall on multiple occasions to chat and try to make them smile… When they do, the gloom is dispelled - even just a little - and they’re a truly beautiful creature regardless. It’s just so unfortunate that their life brings so much sadness...

Even so, he actually likes the MC enough to consider basing a character on them if he ever wrote another book. Something about a gloomy but sweet protagonist at home in a world of darkness sounds appealing… doesn’t it?

Luke

He didn’t know how to feel about the MC when they met. At first, he actually thought they were just as unhappy as he was to be there due to how depressed they looked but when they told him that wasn't true, he was really confused...

The Devildom is a dark, brutish, and dangerous place. Why would anyone feel at home down here??

But… well… He would spend time with them at RAD between breaks (partially to help scare off their many, many demonic suitors) and it might be weird to say, but they really made the Devildom look beautiful… literally.

The world just looks better when they’re around! It’s really hard to describe because it’s not something you notice much until they leave, but when the MC is around everything looks more vibrant and inviting! The grass gets greener, flowers grow bigger, and butterflies/birds hover around wherever they are like they have their own gravity - the realm loves them!

It started getting hard for Luke to hang onto his disdain for the place when they made it look so appealing… And then they started talking to him about the Underworld and the creatures they’d befriended there… creatures a lot worse than any demons he’d seen there...

Like. If the MC can be good friends with a bunch of rude walking corpses, then he could probably make friends with a demon right? There’s nice ones… kind of…

Beel. He can make friends with Beel.

Like Simeon, he does feel bad that they seem so sad all the time… but unlike the older angel, he’s a bit more understanding that this is just how they are and enjoys his time with them regardless. (It helps a lot that just being around this little bean of a boy can lift their spirits anyway).

And you know what’s even better for him? When Lord Diavolo gives the MC tickets to things that they don’t want to go to, sometimes they’ll invite him along or give them to him instead!

He’s gone to the Devil’s Coast with MC and Simeon sooo many times by now and he loves it!! Maybe the Devildom isn’t so bad after all, I mean, it can be a lot of fun when you go to the right places, anyway.

Solomon

Oh, he finds them both deeply fascinating and utterly terrifying - so just his sort of test sub-er, person!

He kids (somewhat), Solomon isn’t that dumb/lacking in self-preservation instinct. Experimenting on a child of death in a land of the dead (even if it’s not their “home turf”) would be asking for trouble. They’d have more than enough ammunition to fight him off and if their father found out? Immortality wouldn’t even begin to save him...

That being said, questions aren’t necessarily experiments… and oh boy, does he have a lot of them.

If the MC isn’t being pestered by Diavolo or the brothers, then they’re probably having to put up with Solomon nipping at their heels trying to get them to use their powers or answer all sorts of “innocent” scientific questions…

“MC, reanimation of Greek dead requires a blood offering, correct? Do you have to sacrifice animals for that process or do you allow them to feast on your own?”

“MC, when you’re controlling a skeleton do you move the body as a whole or do you have to animate each individual bone due to their lack of ligaments?”

“Think fast!! Oh look, you just caught the skull of my good friend, Richard! Could you bring him back from that, or should I fetch the rest of him?” 🙂

They put up with it because, believe it or not, he’s not nearly the weirdest person they’ve ever met (a lot of crazy people drift in and out of the land of the dead…) and well… they’re a pretty lonely person too so it’s not like they have a lot of standards when it comes to friendships anyway.

But the second they breathe a word of this to Barbs or Diavolo, this boy is on his way to a royal restraining order… Where does he even get those skulls…?

#obey me #obey me shall we date #shall-we-date-obey-me #obey me undateables #obey me datables #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me simeon #obey me luke #obey me solomon #obey me demigods #obey me requests

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licncourt · 2 years

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One thing that's interesting to me about the VC fandom is how people approach the canon take on vampiric sexuality (i.e. that it doesn't really exist). A lot of people retcon the canon approach or find some other way of incorporating actual sex. Do you think an explicit depiction of sexuality adds to the canon or detracts from it? Should we let them bone down or not??

I have quite a bit to say about this because I've thought about it a lot when it comes to my own writing, so thank you for asking!

A brief preface: I debated for a long time whether or not I wanted to include explicit sex scenes in my VC fic. I was very hesitant because, like I've mentioned, I'm a lesbian, so all of this is theoretical for me. I can't really gauge whether what I'm writing would be appealing to someone attracted to men, so I was extremely worried that it would be awkwardly written or deeply unsexy.

But I ended up including it and I did hella research in an effort to do it well (and hopefully I succeeded), so to answer your question, yes. The vampires should bone, and here are the reasons I personally choose to have them do so despite the laborious process and defiance of canon:

Firstly, it's a bit of a middle finger to AR's "genderless" vampires. Her books fall very much into the tropes of desexualizing m/m relationships to make them more palatable to a straight audience, and yet the one real exception to this is the the CP in TVA that also serves to reinforce the stereotype of gay men as predatory. Gay relationships are as complex and three dimensional as their straight counterparts, and I want that reflected in my writing.

Just as important though (at least to me) is the opportunity for character building. There are so many ways to frame sex, so many different tones it can take. What a fantastic avenue for exploring character interactions! It's an extremely intimate and emotionally charged scenario that allows the writer to pause the narrative and explore the nature of the relationship they're writing about. A sex scene is a summative snapshot that's been stretched out over potentially thousands of words for close reading.

I approach writing a sex scene the same way I would an important conversation between the characters. It's really its own form of exchange and focused connection, and there's something very interesting about exploring emotions through physicality rather than words. How can I express what each character is thinking and feeling without much or any dialogue, only the way they interact physically? Touch and body language are such powerful tools, especially in writing where you're almost entirely dependent on what's said or thought to understand characters. Switching that focus to physicality can be very impactful with that juxtaposition.

For Loustat in particular, I think this works very well. Sex scenes are a great way to track how a relationship changes over time and that enemies to lovers arc is so integral to their story. For Lestat, sex showcases his intimacy struggles in a very concise and clear manner. In turn, how Louis approaches sex directly reflects his self acceptance journey.

I also find it to be quite cathartic for both characters when it comes to their personal trauma. Lestat has experienced two attacks that are essentially rapes, extreme violations of his body. Catholic religious trauma has deeply damaged Louis' perception of his own desire/pleasure. Depicting these characters in a healthy sexual relationship goes a long way towards healing these wounds. Lestat reclaims his sexual agency and repairs his relationship with his body. Louis is allowed to finish healing his self image and begin loving the parts of himself he was taught to hate.

(I find this especially important for Louis because while Lestat seems to have fully embraced his attraction to men as a human, Louis very much did not. The idea of his sexuality being essentially erased or "fixed" by vampirism and left forever as unfinished emotional business doesn't sit right with me. I want him to have a chance to deal with those feelings and accept that part of himself.)

I hope that answered your question! I know it was a pretty subjective answer, but that's my thoughts.

#answered #vc #meta

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yaomomvs · 3 years

Text

SEIJOH MANANGER HEADCANONS

seijoh, aoba johsai x reader | slight oikawa, iwaizumi and kunimi x reader.

a/n: ugh! i just love my seijoh boys so much! and so, i decided to make one more headcanons for them, tysm! hopefully i’ll do inarizaki next or maybe karasuno.

a bit long but i just love them,and i will do a part two mainly focusing on while they do volleyball this is more of random things

other seijoh!manager works: one | two

the volume in this bus is ASTRONOMICAL

you actually never thought of joining a club, specially a sports one.

but you needed it, so while looking at the board of the school’s options you were unsure.

“i just really need something not that complicated, and that helps me helping others” you muttered to yourself

little did you know the coach of the volleyball team was there, this nice man turned to you and offered you a place in the team.

“but please if you are one of oikawa’s fangirls dont-” “who now?” you genuinely asked. seeing that you didn’t had a clue of who he was talking about he immediately handed the application for to you.

it was first day and you were already late, but you managed to enter the gym half way practice.

you guys remember that tanaka and kiyoko scene in s4? well it was the same

“sorry for being late coach!” your voice sounded all over the place since someone was serving and it was pretty quiet.

ALL OF THEM WERE SHOCKED LIKE 🧍🏻‍♀️

the serve even hit yahaba’s face because everyone got distracted by your beauty

“i- did i do something?” “existing omg”

the coach lined up everyone and they greeted you welcoming you to the team.

you were flustered because it was like you never had a lot of guys around you and now you had to take care of all of them and also

aoba johsai’s team had one of the most attractive boys around likeeee

now, a year later, the energy is purely chaotic.

and i mean like

kindaichi and kunimi are lowkey the ones who respect you the most

not only because you, even if it was for only a year, you were their upperclassman but also you had presence

when karasuno came to the practice andy oh catched both of them after talking to kageyama in the bathroom, you pinched their ears and scolded them

“you both do that again and i’m not being compassionate” “SORRY Y/N”

but also lowkey your admirers

kunimi literally only showed strong emotions around you

“i brought you some sweets” he regularly says

“oh you are great! thank you kunimi!”you appreciated this guys little details with you

“so you have a favoritism with our manager huh?”

“y/n permission to hit kindaichi”

“permission conceded”

kindaichi also respected you because you, when he entered seijoh months ago, were one of the ones who made him believe and helped getting over that anger he had with his ex teammates and you even assured that kageyama was the reason he got better, even if he wouldn’t accept it

the second years, your literal followers

like seriously yahaba watori were always around you.

being in the same grade and class as both dod not helped a lot.

they are like puppies with anxiety separation

because you are the reason they feel loved and cared for

they always sit next to you in class, and they make sure you are comfortable with it.

you need help with hw? watori always is there

yahaba lets you paint his nails every time you got bored in class

you were such a powerful trio

they always bring your favorite drink in the mornin

you even developed this sixth sense where if you just look at each other you know exactly who are you making fun of without even speaking

you always make fun of the shit way of yahaba to flirt oml

and you even advice him on what should he do or not when meeting someone new.

istg if it was not bc of you he would have never got his first date with his crush

kyoutani later joined you, but he had trouble on trusting you

but seeing all the team laying on you he actually let himself rely on another person for the first time

he was the one who scared those stupid volleyball boys fan girls (oikawa’s or the other guys ones) away from you

he also thinks that you are not bad physically talking and he actually says it but privately

he also whenever he is mad or just frustrated comes to you and what he likes is that you don’t go in deep of the details but instead you try to distract him with random thing you say.

“guys i told you several times” you laughed “i do have other thing to do! it not like i can attend every night out with you! i have other friends too!”

“so, we are not watching cartoons tonight?”

“i hate you all so much” you surrendered “see you at 8 pm”

you became the second years core four

and also they looked up to you a lot, why? because you are the only people who always deals with the third years shit

god i think your connection with the third years was only a bit more noticeable than the second years

why? you were not afraid to mess up with them

to be real iwaizumi as oikawa caught your eye since moment one, they were naturally attractive and talented but you made a promise to not fall for anyone

omg you were so wrong

if it was iwaizumi, he always made sure you felt comfortable around

you were no vb genius so he took the time to explain you a bunch of things you did not know 🥺

also, he’s the kind of guy to stop everyone spiking because you were crossing through the gym so no ball gets you

he is the one who always search for you in school, asked about your day, and stuff that might seem basic but it was really meaningful

like he is the kind of guy who memorizes all your favorite places, treats, music anything and actually tries to get you to talk about it

oikawa on the other hand was the one who actually made you feel like part of them

he is so sweet!

oikawa only starts practice when you are there

like bold of someone to start hitting a ball without you there, he considered you part of the team, so he always waited for you

he walked you home or nearby every time he could he wanted you safe

his eyes always always instantly light up and screams “y/n-chan!” and immediately runs to you

but also he is the one who search you the most around

if it was lunch time he went to your home room and literally lunches with you no matter what or who

he never lets anyone lend you their hoodie, it always has to be his that you are wearing

he self crowned himself as your favorite

he hugs you out of nowhere istg is the best feeling ever

hanamaki also also also considers you priority

he is kinda more of the lowkey one, he is mainly the one who checks up on you

he once spotted a bruise in your arm and he immediately freaked out

“DO I HAVE TO FIGHT SOMEONE” “god no! i just dropped a huge book there!”

hanamaki is the one who waits for you in the entrance of the gym to walk with you to practice

he also is the first one to notice if something is wrong with you along with iwachan

they both unintentionally pay attention to you a lot and if you do something out of the common they just approach you

and they are always right

“what’s wrong y/n?” hanamaki says

“yeah, is everything okay you need anything?” iwaizumi continues.

“what do you mean guys? i’m okay” you obviously try to lie.

“no you are not, you are acting different”

“yea iwachan is right you always change yous t shirt before practice and the way you are ordering the volleyballs is off”

“why do know me so well” you indeed had a terrible day, so you almost tear up bb of that and be of how amazing your boys were to you sometimes”

“come here little one”

you heard a pout

“i see you oikawa, you can get a hug too. matsu come here”

matsukawa is your hype man

he loves messing with you like in the big brother sister way

like if a guy asked you out he’d be like “sis you can do so much better”

you are always being salty whether it’s between you or other ones

besides if you do have a crush on anyone on the team matsu is the only one to know

and he’d constantly blackmail you with that

“if you don’t buy me anything from the vending machine i will tell oikawa you actually swoon for him” “OKAY FINE”

“tell the coach that we do not need laps or iwaizumi is gonna knowwwww about” “i hate you so much”

but returning to the point you always messed with them specially the four third years

and you were so good at it

one day, you ‘innocently’ mentioned to the boys “i’m just telling you! i’ve never seen two pretty best friends, one of them always gotta be ugly”

GOD LORD THE BOMB YOU JUST ACTIVATED

THEY SPENT A WHOLE WEEK TRYING TO FUGURE OUT WHO WAS THE PRETTY BEST FRIEND BETWEEN IWA AND OIKAWA, ALSO MATSU AND HANAMAKI AHHAHAHAAH

your third years never made you feel insecure

like if you think idk listening to btr was weird because someone in the past made you feel like it be sure the next day they WILL PLAY FUCKING BIG TIME RUSH IN PRACTICE ONLY FOR YOU TO VIBE WITH THEM

also they all four have this little thought that they have to be the ones who protect you

in the court you looked out for them, outside of it they were the ones who did that

if you were teased or someone even had the audacity to make fun of you it could go three ways

you stoping kyoutani and yahaba because they were so ready to throw hands

matsukawa, hanamaki and kunimi just taking you out of there and rather say positive thinks about you

or oikawa and iwaizumi behind you giving the saltiest and meanest glares to whoever dared talking you that way and saying “and you still wonder why people don’t like you?, ” then iwaizumi says “you are right oikawa, you piece of crap have your entire life to be a jerk. take a day off your stupidity won’t left anyways”

god you sure loved those guys

BUT

as it can be really useful sometimes there were other times were they become so annoying

specially when it’s about someone liking you.

like romantic styles

i live for the idea that the vb team had obviously fangirls, oikawa mostly. but you also did

like yeah the fangirls of oikawa and the boys envied you

but the guys in aoba johsai high envied the volleyball team even more

god bless the poor guy or girl who DARES to ask you out

like please someone stop them 😭

on valentine’s day you came to practice a bit late just because you needed to figure it out how to organize all the fucking love letters and the chocolates and flowers that you got over the day.

oikawa was already worried as he always waited for you to start, and so were the guys so they decided to warm up a bit more to wait.

you crossed the door with thousands of gifts and all of that barely catching the ones which you dropped. because at this point you did not even try to hide it from the boys, you just wanted them to start practice.

he looked at you and knew exactly what that meant. he received this every once in a while, but god what was that feeling in his chest when some other people like you?

iwaizumi felt that too, that weird feeling not wanting anyone to think about you that wayyyyy

the rest of the boys had divided opinions but still you were their manager.

“so did all this came from...”

“yes matsu...”

“okay but for scientific purposes we need the names”

“HANAMAKI NO”

poor boys, they just are all scared that you’ll leave them because of someone

what a dramatic queens they are all

some of them didn’t like it bc they also had a big crush on you

so what they do is that they gatekeep anyone from you

like oml if they ever catched you and a girl or guy and they knew they liked you they constantly beg for your attention.

and it’s not only because they are being dramatic but also because they remember last year when you went out with some random dude and broke your heart like

they almost killed that guy

so they wanted you to feel happy and safe

to them? honestly you are the light of their life.

they dedicate every game to you, they take care of you, they listen to you, they brag about you, they love you

because honestly you did all that for them first

and ever since then they made sure to return that to you.

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