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sunshineisreal · 4 months

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Anyway I've been over eating all day 😵‍💫 I keep meaning to workout and then NOT AAGGGGGGHHH

#self care #self love #addiction #food addict #bing3 eating #ed recovery #recovery #sobriety #alcohlism #alcoholism

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dreams-poetry-art-therapy · 2 years

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I just want to feel something (good)

Food, sugar, chocolate cakes

I just want to feel something

Insta reels, YouTube scrolling endless

I just want to feel something

Open pornhub, next video, next video

I just want to feel something

Likes and comments, my post was important

I just want to feel something

Stress, I'm stressed and hectic and

I'm feeling too much

I fear I won't be able to do all my homework

These emotions are too intense

Food and chocolate and sugar, give me food

So I can numb my feelings with my senses

#writing #poetry #poem #poems #Feel #Numb #Drug #Food addiction #Food addict #Internet addiction #Phone addiction #Internet addict #Phone addict #Addict #Addiction #Self medicate #Emotion #I feel 2 much #I just want to feel something

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kirstenlinae · 2 years

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Addiction & Recovery

I've been scrolling my dash thinking about what to write for the last half-hour or so. To be perfectly honest, I'm discouraged. I keep gaining weight. I mean, I have over a month until my next weigh-in. Like, 5 weeks, actually. However, the fact that I'm gaining weight means that I need to be more strict with my diet and exercise regimen. Which sounds like hell to me. I want to ease myself into this weight loss. I don't want to to seem like restriction or punishment. I want it to be more like recovery...recovery from my addiction to food and my unhealthy relationship with it and my body image. My mentor posed a question to me earlier in the week-- is surgery really how I want to remedy this unhealthy relationship, do I need to go to that extreme or, can I recover on my own. Not really on my own, I guess that's a misleading statement but, more... recover with other tools and resources, not as extreme as going under the knife. I guess this weight gain has caused me to have some second thoughts about the surgery. Which, laughably, it shouldn't because the fact that I'm trying to lose weight organically and gaining weight instead should show me how much I truly need the surgery. However, in defense of my thought process, gaining weight shows me that maybe I'm not ready for surgery. Am I doing enough? I am trying my best to stay positive. I know that regardless of surgery (approval or not), I want to recover from this hell I've lived since childhood. By any means necessary, that's what I want. However I get there matters not to me. The thing that entices me the most about surgery is the complete and probably immediate remission of my Type II Diabetes. With gastric bypass, I'll go into surgery on insulin and come out not dependent anymore. I saw it happen with my mother so, I know it's probable, all things considered like genetics and such.

I have been looking into something else to help me along in this journey, though. I mean, I go to therapy but, my therapist's schedule is a joke. By no fault of her own, she is just another cog in the post-COVID machine but, I only get to see her maybe once a month. I need more help in my recovery than that. So, I have been curious about and thus, looking into Overeaters Anonymous (OA). When I was a kid, my mom had a friend of a friend who made OA her lifestyle. She lost a lot of weight and kept it off for a lot of years. I actually went to a meeting with her in my very early teen years. It was different. Not the right environment for my age at the time, if you ask me but, at least it exposed me to something that I could take with me as an adult. I've looked into their recovery regimen which is ultimately a diet. It is much more strict than my weight loss clinic's regimen. Which immediately turns me off but, if I know anything about a 12 step program it's that abstinence is a strict regimen in and of itself. When I was younger, I frequented AA rooms for various substance abuse issues. So, I know that the fellowship (at the very least) is helpful. Not to mention all of the literature, sponsorship, events, ect that can go along with it if you chose to throw yourself into it like that. I never really did. Never read a Big Book, never worked all 12 steps. I just kind of sat around and listened for wisdom. I was a 10-year newcomer until I finally made some headway in my substance abuse recovery, then I left the rooms altogether. Didn't need to cling to any life preserver thrown to me anymore, I guess. I feel like I need to now, though. Now that I am ready and equipped to shed light onto my original addiction. I've thought about trying some online meetings. There are a couple of in-person meetings close to my town (25 miles or so) that I would be interested in after I get my feet wet in the online meetings. I tried an online meeting a few months back and didn't like it. The moderators were pushy. However, I would be willing to give it another try. Before I commit to an in-person meeting or buying and dissecting any of the literature they provide.

When I was preparing to go into the surgery process, my boyfriend said something like, "I'm going to school to learn how to be healthy and lose weight." I like the way he put that to me. Maybe this is another course in my potentially robust education. Maybe this is why there are roadblocks to me going back to school for real. All throughout college, I really wanted to focus on this aspect of my life but, couldn't because my plate was too full with work and school and substance abuse and homelessness and domestic violence and whatever the fuck else. My life is much calmer than that now. I have an open and safe space to explore this aspect of my addictive personality and lifestyle. I need to soak up all of the knowledge and resources that I can to have a fully gainful recovery. As I move further in this path, I have more clearly see God's plan for me. I am more aware of what needs need to be met at what time. I don't need more formal education. I have a Bachelor's degree for God's sakes I can find a job anywhere. What I can't find (right now at least) is my peace of mind, my good health, my longevity. While I'm only in the beginning stages of this journey, I feel like I have still come so far. I feel like I am creating a good foundation. This feels genuine to me. I keep telling myself that no matter what, I just need to keep going, keep moving forward and change will happen. I know in my heart that I am right. I just need to keep peeking under rocks and examining things under the light, fearlessly, adamantly, lovingly and I will eventually find and thus, gain enough knowledge and perspective to completely change my life. That's really what an education is all about.

Until next time.

#food addiction #food addict #overeaters anonymous #personal #journal #bariatric surgery #bariatric diet #bariatricsupport #bariatriccommunity #gastric bypass #weight loss #weight loss journey #healthy eating #weightloss #addiction recovery

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equalonline · 21 days

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What are the most common kinds of kitchen racks?

1. Mini kitchen rack on the table:

Various porcelain bowls should not be placed on storage tables that have a certain height in the kitchen, as this wastes space. To make good use of the space, you can purchase some small countertop storage racks, such as ones that can hold seasoning bottles, spoons, shovels, etc. Keeping the kitchen clean and simple after storage makes the whole cooking environment relaxed and natural.

2. Small microwave oven rack:

A small multi-layer storage rack is very convenient for storing microwave ovens, ovens, and other items. Microwaves, ovens, and other items can be stored on such small multi-layer storage racks, which often have a very small footprint. A housewife can adjust the position of the storage rack in the entire kitchen at will due to its unfixed placement.

3. Freestanding kitchen rack:

There will be a lot of mess in some kitchens as the number of kitchen utensils increases. It is now possible to store several common pots and cooking utensils in a large kitchen utensil rack so that they can be easily accessed in the kitchen. In the kitchen, find nooks where items can be conveniently accessed without causing clutter and distractions.

How to choose the best self for the kitchen:

The first thing you should do is estimate the size of your kitchen, as well as the type and number of items you are expected to store. Space can be saved by using reasonable storage. After planning, select the model and brand that will best suit your needs. Our favorite products are those with high quality and low prices. If our kitchen is cluttered with many items, it will appear messy. Choosing the right kitchen storage rack is very important at this point.

EQUAL microwave oven stand with good load capacity is a great tool to organize your kitchen. Excellent workmanship, high load-bearing capability, and space-saving.

Source: https://wellandshelves.com/

#kitchen scales #kitchen scale #kitchen #kitchens #kitchen weighing machine #food lover #food photography #healthy food #home cooking #food #cooking #food pics #food diary #food addict #home made #food styling #digital scale #retail scale

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hollyjcompton · 2 years

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“More” is Never Enough (9/7/2022)

What do you need more of in your life? Is your "more" going to satisfy you forever? Find out what will.

What do you need more of in your life? More peace? More rest? More chocolate? A second silly little handful of salty sweet cashews wants to be my “more” this afternoon. My appetite high, my blood sugar low, my mouth wide open and ready to lap it up—I sip my water instead. I still want more. Inherently my emptiness inside needs filling, needs coaxing to be something that it’s not—fulfilled.…

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#appetite #comfort #emptiness #enough #food addict #fulfillment #hunger #Jesus #More #peace #rest #Significance #success #The Cross

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cow-dolly · 2 months

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I had to take a video to show y’all what it takes for me to sit up these days lol 😂 Sometimes when I eat myself round I just stay where I’m at until I’ve digested a little because my gut’s always in the way 😅 This is going to be an interesting problem once I start breeding 🥵

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saint-ambrosef · 3 months

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saying "it is not necessary to have sweets every day" should not be seen as controversial, but i have had people go for my throat for that take. its literally unthinkable apparently not to have a sweet treat on the daily (or multiple times per day).

i'm not saying "sugar bad" or anything, it's good to enjoy a little dessert every now and then. but i think a lot of Americans are so used to having a diet high in sugary foods, and it's so normalized and what so many people grew up with, that me saying "your kids don't need to have dessert every day" is accused of toxic diet culture mindset and depriving children of joy.

and the thing is, our sweets are really sweet. you don't notice it when you grew up with it, it just seems normal. but if you travel elsewhere or go on a low-sugar diet, suddenly our ice cream and cookies and donuts seem un-appetizingly overly sweet.

anyways i'm not saying don't give your kids dessert, but i think a lot of Americans underestimate how addicted they are to sweets. if the mere suggestion to limit the intake to once or twice a week gives you a knee-jerk reaction of fear/horror/disgust, "i could never! i earned this!", there is a problem.

#occasional treats are good!! not saying no sugar ever or whatever but it is WEIRD how adamant Americans are about needing #to have a sugar fix every day #listen to me *grabs your face* you dont NEED it and you should not feel like you NEED it. thats called sugar addiction.#i promise that if you lay off the desserts/sugary snacks/etc and regulate them to just a few times per week #your palette will adjust and you will not crave it every day #also btw sometimes craving sugary foods is your body's way of telling you than it just needs more calories so like. eat some more food.#this was inspired by that tumblr post that was like 'i let my daughter eat dessert first if she wants because i dont want her to develop #an unhealthy relationship with food' like HUH???? learning basic discipline with foods is kind of a necessary human skill tho??

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selineram3421 · 5 months

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*brain asking for even MORE fluff* Fine.

Alastor X Reader Oneshot

Warnings? ⚠

⚠ hinted love language-acts of service and physical affection, coffee, food mention-coffee desserts, kisses, implied make out ⚠

Coffee ☕

The smell of coffee is one you're all too familiar with.

Alastor is a coffee addict lover, and drinks it every morning. Sometimes he'll have a cup or two after dinner.

You don't have any problems with it, having been surrounded by others in your living life with the same love for coffee.

So you'll buy coffee beans often just for him to enjoy. With the extra, you'll use it in your baking, making sure not to make his treats beyond his sweetness intake.

Tiramisu, crispy coffee cookies, mocha truffle cheesecake, and coffee 'n cream brownies. Alastor helps you with taste testing and thoroughly enjoys your coffee treats. Often kissing you between bites.

"The baker must taste test too~"

You don't mind having the taste off coffee on your lips. It may be a bit bitter but its something you've grown accustomed to with him.

One night you were craving for some coffee.

Alastor was sitting near the lit fireplace with a book in hand, coffee and coffee crisp cookies on the small table nearby.

You had just finished making more of his cookies to take to the hotel so he could enjoy during work when you felt in the mood for some caffeine. Looking over at the man in red, you saw he took a sip of his drink.

"Love.", you called out, walking over to stand before him. "Can I get some coffee?"

Looking up from his book, he gave a happy smile and set the hardcover down on the little table. "Why of course my darling! I'll get you a cup, have a seat-", he went to stand, pushing himself up with the armrests.

"No.", you placed a hand on his chest.

The deer demon was confused but let you push him back into his seat.

"I don't want a cup.", you said as you went to straddle his lap. "I want my coffee.", you cupped his chin and lifted his head up to meet your gaze.

Now Alastor was a man hard to fluster, but somehow you manage to make his cheeks redden.

"And where is your coffee?", he asked after taking a noticeable gulp.

You smiled and leaned in closer.

"Why, it's you hun.", you slid the hand on his chest up until you held his face with both of your hands. "Can I get some coffee?"

Moving his hands off the armrests, he held you close and nodded.

"Yes."

Starting off with a gentle kiss, you lean more onto him until you're chest to chest as you wrap your arms around his neck, getting a taste of the coffee not long after a few more kisses.

"Je serai ton café.", he said breathlessly against your lips. (I'll gladly be your coffee.)

Maybe you were a coffee addict now.

I had coffee. Also let me know if my translation is wrong.

~Seline, the person.

Taglist@

@willowaudreykeyes @kiraisastay @c4rved-pumpk1n @stolas-thebirb @scary-noodlesblog @naelys-the-aster @ducky-died-inside @biromanticboba @roo-bi @pooplyface1423 @lbcreations-blog @+?

ML for Alastor🎙

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equalonline · 29 days

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Kitchen Scales: Complete Buying Guide

Points to Consider while Buying a Kitchen Scale

Kitchen scales are used to weigh ingredients accurately so you won't have to guess what you're weighing. You can use them for cooking or baking ingredients to accurately measure the amount of food you need as per dietary requirements. Several European recipes call for the use of weighted ingredients. Kitchen scales are useful for every cook, no matter where they live.

Here are six tips that will make your task of finding the best kitchen scale according to your requirements much easier.

Tip 1: Digital vs. Analog

Scales for the kitchen come in two varieties. The weight is shown by a rotating pin on an analog scale. The inside spring of the scale acts as the resistance. The weight is displayed digitally on a digital readout on electronic or digital scales. Some models can also store data, which is an added capability. The maximum modern kitchen scales are digital. Usually, digital readouts display decimal values accurate to tenths of a unit.

Tip 2: Sensitivity and Capacity

When choosing a scale for the kitchen, you should consider which foods you will most likely weigh. For weighing light items such as herbs, spices, and nuts, especially sensitive scales are ideal. There are also scales that can handle up to 25 pounds of weight. Weights such as whole poultry and larger cuts of meat are appropriate for the latter scales.

Tip 3: Advanced Digital Features

If you have certain goals in mind, digital scales offer a wide range of features. In addition to switching between different units of measurement on the machine, it can handle pounds, ounces, grams, and kilograms. One helpful feature of a scale is its tare function, which shows only the weight of the contents when the container is neutralized. Additionally, some models come with baker's timers and clocks.

You can also select a scale that will report the calories in different foods. Models like these let you enter your own food items and recipes, and some come with calorie-tracking memory features.

Tip 4: Container and Platform

The size of platforms varies. When you're shopping for a scale, it is often best to get one with a large platform so that you can weigh a wide variety of foods. In addition to having a scale with a container that holds the food for weighing, you should also choose one with a container that holds the wet or dry ingredients. The container should be removable for easy cleaning. A measuring bowl attachment is included with some models, which facilitates the measurement of ingredients.

Tip 5: Clear Display

There are different types of digital displays. Some models have small displays that are hard to read, so make sure you test each model and choose one with a large display. Make sure the display doesn't get obscured by the items you are weighing when you cover the scale. Pull-out displays are available on some scales to facilitate reading.

Tip 6: Design and Ease of Storage

Choosing a scale that fits well and adds to the look of your kitchen is extremely important if you store it on your counter. Stainless steel is available in many styles, which will give your kitchen a sleek look. You can now choose a model that matches your dietary needs and improves your cooking experience after comparing all the differences between kitchen scales.

With the experience of 20+ years, EQUAL provides the best quality digital kitchen scales that fits your requirement and budget. Equal also provides personal and retail weighing scales.

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ovaruling · 7 months

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maybe a hot take but please don’t have or stop having children if you have an active eating disorder/body dysmorphia (including binge eating, not just restrictive disorders). seriously

thinking you’ll be the exception (because you’re So self-aware, unlike those Other disordered women) and won’t give your dysmorphia/eating disorder to your child is pride before a very slow and terrible fall

it never ever works. you’re never ever immune. i mean, such a huge reason of why there are so many of us now is bc our moms thought the same thing lmfao. didn’t matter how well-intentioned they were. no matter how much they tried to separate Their Problems from Ours. here we fucking are

i know it’s not women’s fault to begin with, but the reality is that those of us affected do incubate, nurture, and pass on the virus in the Current Way of Things

the buck needs to stop here. this isn’t a game. think of all the things your mother probably thought she was expertly hiding from you that you still picked up on and were profoundly affected by in a terrible and formative way. it will happen to you, too. don’t think it won’t.

if you know that you’re not solidly and confidently recovered, you have a responsibility to stop that buck and not actively attempt to create a child who will observe, mimic, internalize, adopt, and inherit your lifelong life-ruining behavior. the selfishness is breathtaking honestly

#eating disorders are one of the most treatment-resistant behavioral issues out there #once they take firm root #this is not quite the same as ‘don’t have children if you’re even a little bit mentally ill’ btw before anyone thinks it is #this is a very specific problem #and it is LEARNED #you cant always protect your child from the outside world influence but you can do something about what your child starts with at home #i am recovered now but i could’ve saved my whole life if my mom hadn’t been dieting when i was 7 #so i started dieting too #bc she was my mom and i did what she did #cuz i was fucking 7 #she never told me what a diet was. i just observed her.#and when she binged EYE binged #i blame her always for my food addiction

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buckets-of-dirt · 6 months

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Speaking of DS9, why does everyone go to Quark's for their rakdijino fix when there's a Klingon restaurant right there? Even Jadzia "obsessed with Klingon culture until the writers want to do a mother in law episode" Dax gets hers from Quark or the replicators

#the timeline of klingon food being weird and foreign on tng to every single ds9 character being addicted to klingon coffee is also hilarious #star trek

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serasfanfiction · 25 days

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Lucifer was a vast number of things. He'd even admit to most of them.

Stupid enough to deal with Alastor while having been up for two days and only running on a few sips of coffee was not one of them.

After laying out some of the finer details of his plans with the group, he'd retreated back to his room to get some actual sleep. He kept the mug out of a bout of petty spite that likely wouldn't amount to anything in the end other than his own amusement. He left the mug on one of the bedside tables, largely undrunk from, before falling into bed.

It was a testament to how tired he was that he fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. How thin he was pulling himself that he slept through the rest of the day and all through the night. When he next woke, he didn't necessarily feel well rested, but his mind was clearer, which was the important part. When he got dressed, it was in full suit and hat.

Alastor had already demonstrated he was very good at seeing right through him. There was little reason to give him even more ammunition by not showing up in top form.

A glance at his clock showed that it was still morning, but not so early it might be perceived as impolite to go knocking on someone's door. Which is what he found himself actually doing for a change, when he took the time to knock on Alastor's door.

For several long moments, there was no sign of movement from within. Lucifer hadn't been paying any attention to the deer demon's comings and goings, so he had no idea if he was even in the hotel at the moment. There was always a possibility he could be in his radio station, but the On Air light had been off since the hotel was rebuilt.

He was just about to withdraw to see if Alastor might be some where else within the hotel, when a noise came from within. Seconds later, the door opened to reveal that the room's occupant was indeed at home.

Lucifer studied the Overlord. Nothing about his appearance suggested why it might have taken him so long to answer. There was not a single thing out of place about him, save the continued absence of his microphone. Even his smarmy smile was it's usual self.

Alastor feigned surprise as he gazed down on the being standing outside his door. "Your Majesty, what a surprise! How can I help you on such short notice?"

Lucifer ignored the potential jab at his height, used to it by now. It was worth it to see the slight tightening of Alastor's smile when he refused to engage with it. Instead, he replied in a bored tone, "I request an audience with the Overlord Alastor."

Alastor's eyes narrowed, cottoning on to the fact that this wasn't actually a request. Refusing to be the first to miss a step in their little dance, he fell easily into the roll of host. "Please, come in! Do excuse the lack of hospitality. I wasn't expecting guests today."

Lucifer stepped into the room and was immediately hit with the pungent scent of rotting flesh. His fingers curled around his cane as he fought the urge to cover his face. A quick glance around revealed the smell was coming from the partially decomposed carcass of a deer laid out across the lone table out in the bayou.

Disgusting.

Alastor was completely unfazed, as usual, to the response to his diet. "I was just in the process of eating breakfast." He glanced at Lucifer out of the corner of his eye, smile a touch more amused. "Would you care to join me?"

Lucifer swallowed back a gag at the mere idea. The only response he cared to give to that was to wave his hand, erasing the poor thing from existence. "Thank you for the ...offer... but I'll pass, thank you very much."

The redhead blinked once at the loss of his breakfast, before shrugging. He turned his full attention to his guest with a clap of his hands. "Very well, now that you've cost me my breakfast, tell me however I can be of assistance! Do be quick, though, I do have a meeting later today with my fellow Overlords."

Without so much as a twitch, Lucifer cast his net over the room. Alastor, prey instincts very much alive and well under it all, noticed the change in the room immediately. He hid it well, but the flattening of his ears gave away his irritation at being trapped.

Lucifer was beginning to get the sense that Alastor didn't care for being reminded that he could be rendered powerless. The king didn't intend to escalate this any further than necessary, but he needed Alastor's full and undivided attention.

And judging by the poorly veiled look of anger being directed at him, he had it.

"This discussion will last as long as I require it to." Keeping to the bored facade, Lucifer led with, "It is the topic of the other Overlords I wished to discuss with you."

Alastor was quick to recover, effecting a similar attitude. "Come now, sire. If you wanted to talk about the attacks, we both know this show of power is unnecessary."

White clad shoulders rose in a shrug. "The last time we talked, I needed you for something. This time I would merely like your cooperation."

The redhead tilted his head ever so slightly too far to the side, eyebrow raised. For the first time since his domain had been intruded upon, he looked intrigued. With a flick of the hand, he indicated for Lucifer to continue.

Well, here they went. "I plan to have a reminder televised and broadcast to everyone that while I might not care about Hell, I do care about anything that endangers my daughter."

Alastor threw him a shrewd look. "Television isn't really my thing, so I fail to see how I come into this."

"What I'm about to do might cause some... upset." Lucifer gestured to Alastor. "I'm asking for a show of solidarity from you when I do it."

He got a hum in response to that, neither interested nor dismissive. "And what, pray tell, is this mysterious action you plan to do that's so going to upset people?"

Lucifer allowed himself to smile, letting hints of his malicious intent peak through. "I plan to break Angel's contract."

Slowly, Alastor's smile widened until every single one of his teeth could be seen, something outright sinister to it. When he laughed, there was a touch of mania to it. "Oh my! I've often dreamed of causing a stir, but I think this might take the cake, my good man!" He laughed again, as if genuinely amused by over how much potential chaos this was going to cause.

From some of the stories Vaggie had told him, Lucifer supposed he would find such a thing amusing. Alastor was here because he was bored, was he not?

Lucifer allowed him another moment with his amusement, before pointedly clearing his throat.

Taking the cue, Alastor reigned his amusement back in. It still colored his voice as he pointed out, "I still hardly see why you would need my help with this little plan."

It was time to show a few of his cards, he supposed. Reaching out, Lucifer took hold of a random one of Alastor's contracts, grip only enough to bring it into existence. The redhead's eyes ticked to it, acknowledging it. The blonde, having no intention of doing anything with it, released it, allowing it to vanish. "As easy as it is to break one of these silly little deals you all like to make amongst yourselves, I need to be near either the contractor or the contracted. And as much as I'm sure Angel likes being in front of a camera," he leaned forward, fingers of his right hand tapping on the top of his cane, "I thought it might be more ...satisfying to see the look on Valentino's face when I do it."

There was nothing feigned about Alastor's amusement. Lucifer was entertaining him and they both knew it. Still, he was ever the one to play hard to get. "What you're proposing could incite a war between the Vees and the hotel."

Lucifer snorted. "You could care less about any conflict with the Vees and we both know it."

Alastor hummed, not denying it. "Perhaps, but we've only just survived one all-out assault. Do you really want to risk Charlie's safety in another?"

Ultimately, Lucifer waved the concern away. "If necessary, I'll just eradicate the Vees and allow the ensuing power vacuum to distract everyone. It might be the perfect opportunity to install someone who is ...better controlled in their place."

Alastor shivered, though out of excitement or something else, it was hard to tell. "How positively cutthroat."

The blonde stared expectantly. When he didn't receive any further comments, he asked, "Well?"

The redhead stared back. "To agree to this could threaten the balance I have with the other Overlords." He examined his claws, as if check to see how sharp they were. "Please forgive my hesitation to agree to this with hast without some stipulations of my own."

Lucifer sighed and resisted the urge to role his eyes, having seen this coming a mile away. "Of course." He lifted a hand from his cane to flick his fingers in a 'go on' gesture. "Well, what do you want?"

Alastor made a show of studying him, likely trying to figure out what he could get away with asking for. "Do I have time to think about it?"

Lucifer laughed, a short, single, "HA!" What did this guy take him for? A fool? Maybe if the smarmy bastard had the slightest clue how to not be a smarmy bastard that might have been an option, but Alastor was a textbook example of a person who would take someone for all they were worth if they so much as showed him a single bit of leeway. Enjoying the way the redhead's eye twitched in irritation, Lucifer pointed out, "You're the one that said you had a meeting later today, did you not?"

He let the threat of them staying in this room until either they hashed out an agreement, or Lucifer was sent away empty handed hang in the air.

In the wake of having the upper hand, Lucifer forgot how petty Alastor could be. He may have indeed been on a deadline, but it was becoming increasingly clear after the first hour that said meeting wasn't as early in the day as the blonde had hoped. Alastor gave very little away as he pondered his options, the very picture of someone who had all the time in the world. He did glance up in the general direction of his radio tower, at some point, his eyes narrowing speculatively, but was otherwise a blank slate.

Lucifer understood petty spite, willing to match it toe to toe with any irritating little upstart who thought they were bigger than they really were, but even he had his limits. As the first hour crept into the second, his good graces were starting to run out. It would be nice not to have to fight this battle on two fronts, but he didn't actually need Alastor.

Perhaps noticing his window was closing, Alastor placed a single finger tip to his lips thoughtfully. "I would like to warn Rosie and Carmilla Carmine ahead of the broadcast." At the blonde's indication he was listening, the redhead explained, "Rosie was kind enough to supply the manpower to defend the hotel during the last extermination day. Carmine supplied the weapons. It's polite to warn our allies about such drastic moves." He smiled as if he cared about both of them, as opposed to just Cannibal Town's Overlord. "We don't want them to think we suspect them of attacking the hotel, now do we?"

Translation: Alastor wanted it to look like Carmilla was more an ally than she actually was. It wouldn't matter if she actually was or not. Everyone else would think she was.

Lucifer nodded, already tired of the political BS. "Fine. Next?"

"I want two favors: one up front, one at a later time of my choosing." Alastor leaned forward, eyes dimly glowing. "And this will be a binding deal."

Warning bells went off in the back of Lucifer's mind. He shook his head. "No open ended favors. Name the favor's now or chose something else."

There was a pause, long enough he thought Alastor might actually chose something else. He watched the redhead straighten, a war clearly being fought behind that smile of his.

Finally, Alastor sighed, put upon. "Very well." He spun on his heel, heading in the direction of what appeared to be the roof access door. He turned his head enough to glance at Lucifer over his shoulder. "Come along, I will show you the first favor."

Intrigued despite himself, Lucifer followed him. The door was correctly placed to be somehow connected to the Radio Demon's infamous radio tower. To his knowledge, no one but Alastor himself ever went into there and came back out alive. Even as they had rebuilt everything else, Lucifer hadn't gone any more near the tower than necessary, mostly reviving it from the remains of the original and simply restoring it.

Lucifer blamed not noticing the way Alastor was watching him on the fact that he was just so damn curious. If he had, he would have noticed the shit eating grin on the redhead's face before he used one of his shadows to open the access way.

There was no stairs. In fact, there was no enclosed structure at all. The access way opened up right under the steel beams that supported the tower to the side of the building.

Lucifer gaped, incredulous. "You want us to climb that?"

"Oh, heavens, no! I can't speak for you, but this demon would never resort to such monkey shenanigans." A laugh track went off around them, the sound creepy without any radios near by. Alastor leaned in until they were nearly nose to nose as Lucifer squinted at him. "My first favor is in my booth. I usually just travel by shadow up there, which I'd be more than happy to do for both of us if you'd lower the shield...?"

Lucifer's squint turned suspicious. "Absolutely not." It was simple to extend the barrier and then open a portal of his own straight into the studio. He smirked. "After you."

Alastor looked disappointed at being deprived of his fun, but stepped through with an air of good-nature. Lucifer followed, already taking in the room as he did so.

The room was of decent size. Electronic equipment took up the majority of one side of the room, a small couch/bench stationed in front of it. The room had that same voodoo-swamp-old fashion vibe Alastor's room had. A lamp with eyes that followed them as they moved cast a warm yellow glow throughout the room. A coat rack made from a deer's antlers sat off to the side and somehow Alastor had gotten cattails to grow up through the otherwise metal floor. The most interesting thing in the room, though, sat on the table in front of the radio equipment.

It was Alastor's mysteriously missing microphone.

As if in a trance and unable to take his eyes off it, Lucifer crossed the room to exam it more closely. Someone had taken something just sharp enough to it, slicing it in two. He had only peripherally paid attention to the staff the last time he'd seen it, hadn't thought too much of it. Thought the pole the microphone sat on looked almost flimsy. Up close, it was easier to see that it was far sturdier than it had appeared at first glance. Whatever had broken it had to have been powerful.

A bigger picture was starting to take shape. Something they'd all just overlooked because Alastor was just that good at pretending to be fine.

But here was proof of the cracks, carefully hidden away where no one would dare to look for it.

"Is this Adam's work?"

Alastor's expression twisted with distain, his fingers fidgeting like they wanted to tap something. "I admit I underestimated that cur and his downright ridiculous axe."

Like the final piece of a puzzle falling into place, dozens of little things Lucifer had observed over the weeks since he had moved in suddenly made sense. "You were hit by Adam's guitar?" Horror and reluctant awe (and maybe a tiny bit of worry) took up residence in his chest completely taking out his brain to mouth filter. "How are you still alive?"

Alastor, of course, only chose to focus on the worry. "I'm touched, your Majesty. Is that concern I hear in your voice?" If his smile got any larger, it was going to split his face in two.

Knowing him, maybe it could.

Lucifer grit his teeth. Why did he want this guy's help again? Surely nothing was worth this. Glaring, he snarled, "If I was, I'm not anymore." Wanting to wipe that smile off his face, schooled his features into something smug. "So, why haven't you fixed it? It's almost been two months."

Some of that amusement smoothed into something closer to frustration. "It's not as simple as it looks." When Lucifer didn't look convinced, Alastor waved a hand towards the staff.

Not seeing what the big deal was, Lucifer reached out and placed a hand over the area where the pole had broken. At first, the staff seemed to be little more than a prop, an object Alastor favored and was clearly attached to.

But the longer Lucifer touched the object, the more he began to suspect that there might be more to it than just an inanimate object. In fact, if he didn't know better, he could almost swear he felt--

Under his fingers, was the unmistakable ba-bump of a heartbeat.

Startled, Lucifer jerked his hands away. "It's alive?!" He went to take a step backward, only to back right up into a solid body. Lucifer froze, suddenly hyper aware of the line of heat pressed up against his back.

So stunned by what he told himself was the sheer audacity of this sinner, Lucifer simply stared as Alastor ran a hand down his arm, half leaning over him as the redhead guided their hands back to the microphone. Bracketed by Alastor from behind and the living(?) staff under his hand, when Lucifer heard the heartbeat again, he heard its twin against his back. "Oh. It's... you?"

"A part of me, yes." Alastor pulled away, his hand withdrawing like a caress.

Lucifer shuddered from the chill at his back, goosebumps raising all along his arm. He was never more thankful he wore long sleeves then he was in that moment, as he cursed the redhead for his utter and complete lack of respect for other people's personal space. He swallowed around his discomfort. "Your first favor is to fix this?"

He couldn't see it, but he could hear the smug grin in Alastor's voice. "My microphone is as much a part of my image as I imagine your cane is. We wouldn't want any flaws in the front we're putting up, now would we?"

Lucifer suspected there was more to this than Alastor wanting to preserve some image. Unlike his cane, the microphone seemed to actually be a part of Alastor in some way. Being deprived of it had to have depleted him in some way. Using a favor for something like this meant that it was important.

Feeling like he might be making a mistake, although he wasn't sure how, Lucifer turned around to face the other. "I accept the terms. What is your second favor?"

The redhead's expression schooled itself into a perfectly blank smile. "I can't tell you."

The blond felt a rise of irritation. "Pass, try again--"

"I really can't tell you." The depth of seriousness in Alastor's tone caused Lucifer to pause. The redhead's smile tightened in a grimace, and for the briefest of seconds, the blonde thought he saw the green glow of stitches along his lips.

Lucifer frowned. If he didn't know any better, he would have said those stitches were literally keeping Alastor's mouth shut.

Pulling his composure back together, all vulnerability smoothed away into Alastor's default host façade. "I assure you, what I plan to ask for is within your abilities. No one else need get involved. We don't even have to leave my room."

Lucifer studied him. "Will this favor put Charlie in danger?"

Alastor softened, although it was only skin deep. "Not a hair will be harmed on our precious Charlie's head."

He still had his reservations. Those alarm bells were going off like mad, but as long as Charlie wasn't in danger... "How will I know what your favor is if you can't tell me?"

A red clawed hand waved the question away. "Details will be delivered when the time is right."

Oh, he really shouldn't do this. Lucifer knew this, but... He sighed. "Fine, I accept." He pointed a finger at Alastor, narrowly stopping right under his nose just for the pleasure of seeing the deer demon go cross eyed to glare at it. "But if you pull any funny business whatsoever, I don't care if Charlie likes you or not, you are done."

Alastor side stepped the offending limb, holding out his hand. Around them, the shadows in the corners of the room began to dance and writhe with anticipation. "Ah, does that mean we have a deal?"

Lucifer eyed the hand, mouth turning down into a severe frown. He wanted this to be the end of the negotiations. Wanted things to end while he was still in a favorable spot. He still could. He didn't have to do this. He was so tired of their games.

"There's one more thing."

Alastor's patience was a strained thing. It seemed he wasn't the only one wanting to strike while the iron was hot. "Oh?"

Here they went.

"Release Husk from his contract."

Alastor stood completely frozen, a sign Lucifer was coming to suspect might be his way of hiding any immediate, knee jerk reactions and to buy himself a moment to think of an appropriate response. "Come again?"

Lucifer merely stared back. They both knew he'd heard him.

Alastor drew back, studying him like an entirely new specimen had just skittered across his desk and the redhead had no idea what to make of him. "Now, why ever would you care about Husker's contract?"

Lucifer knew he shouldn't be getting involved with this. This was already messy with getting involved with Angel's and Valentino's business. That he atleast could blame on the fact that Charlie had asked him.

Getting involved with this couldn't be blamed on Charlie, beyond the fact she'd invited him into her home and hadn't kicked him back out. All of this looked a lot like proof that underneath all his apathy, Lucifer still had the capacity for empathy.

And that was sort of the problem, wasn't it? Allowing himself to care - admitting that he cared already - about Angel's plight meant he had to admit he wasn't blind to Husk's.

Not to mention... Husk had been kind to him, in his own gruff way. There were nonalcoholic drinks on the menu at the bar, because the bartender had figured out the King of Hell wasn't big on alcohol. Husk hadn't judged him that time he had decided to drink, recognizing he wasn't doing well that day. He'd simply known when it was time to cut him off and send him off to bed.

There was absolutely no reason for him to have involved himself the night after Lucifer's and Alastor's first deal. Stood absolutely nothing to gain from warning him, considering everything pointed to Lucifer potentially using him to make a point.

Without meaning to, his mind went back to the expression on Husk's face as Lucifer and Angel discussed the plan with the promise to come back to it when they weren't both half dead from exhaustion. Even with the new information that there were other options to get out of contracts, Husk hadn't once held hope for himself. If anything, there was only the simple, sincere congratulations that Angel was going to regain his freedom.

Despite himself, Lucifer could feel that same guilt rising up again when he couldn't afford to be showing any weaknesses.

Judging by the way Alastor's features sharpened, a shark scenting blood in the water, he'd already messed that one up.

Sure enough. "I see." The redhead was aglow - literally - with his manic delight. "Oh, my dear, dear, sire. You've grown attached."

Lucifer said nothing, having already said too much already. It hardly mattered at this point, as his silence was telling enough.

Alastor's own carefully contained movements as he circled around the room - around his king - were telling in their own way. The redhead knew exactly what he wanted, he was simply covering up his eagerness with the veneer of patience. "Husker is one of my prized contracts. It brought me great joy when I won it." He paused, eyes dim as he lost himself in the memory. His expression growing more sadistic. "It would pain me to lose one of my favorites."

Lucifer turned his lip up, disgusted with the song and dance. "You have other toys."

The redhead hummed in agreement as the blonde likely wasn't wrong there. Still, "Regardless, as former business partners and long time associates, Husker knows things about me I'd prefer not to be spread around."

"Then renegotiate the contract," Lucifer countered, unimpressed with the flimsy excuse to get out of giving up Husk's soul. He tapped his cane against the floor sharply. "Don't forget I can simply get rid of it if I so choose. I don't need for you to agree."

Alastor dissolved into his shadows. While he was restricted from leaving the confines of his quarters, he could still move around the area inside the barrier. Lucifer regretted not having cutting that off as his eyes darted around the studio, trying to anticipate where he would reappear.

Hands wrapped around his shoulders, deceptively gentle. Warm breathe brushed his ear, as Alastor drawled, "And yet you asked me anyway."

Lucifer turned his head until he could see Alastor's face out of the corner of his eye. His body warred with itself as the redhead drew his right hand up the blonde's shoulder, the sharp points of Alastor's claws coming to rest against Lucifer's juggler.

"Give me unlimited access to your blood," Alastor tapped his finger tips against racing pulse, "and I will renegotiate Husker's contract. Our dear Husk gets his soul and freedom back in exchange for his silence and you get to assuage your guilt over the fact that you didn't just do it in the first place."

Lucifer shivered, finally giving into the urge to step out of Alastor's grasp and putting some distance between them. He shouldn't have ignored whatever he was feeling towards the redhead. How low had he fallen that Alastor's attentions, never born out of anything other than the sinner's twisted hunt for amusement, was preferable to being alone?

He wondered if Alastor understood that Lucifer wasn't the only one getting in too deep with this move. There would be consequences to this. Right in that moment, the Devil decided the punishment for Alastor's hubris would be that he would allow the sinner to discover the depths of those consequences on his own.

Lucifer turned around, refusing to have this little back and forth with his back to Alastor. "No yanking my chain." His tone made it clear there was no room for negotiation there. "Send me a message like a normal person."

Alastor blinked, pleasantly surprised Lucifer was actually going to say yes. Perhaps this is why he agreed so easily, saying, "Of course! I'm hardly a savage." He pondered the situation, adding, "I expect a response promptly, say, no less than a few hours...?"

The blonde snorted at the idea of the redhead being anything other than a savage. Posture stern, he countered with, "24 hours."

The redhead hummed, leaning forward to put himself just on the edges of Lucifer's personal space. "Twelve hours, and I'll make allowances for political meeting spill overs."

Oh, he'd 'make allowances,' would he? Lucifer gave into the urge to roll his eyes, but otherwise acquiesced. "Fine."

Alastor's form lit up with glowing green symbols, stiches visible for all to see. The shadows along the edges of the room danced with near frenzy. "Then we have a deal?"

Lucifer looked at Alastor's hand. Raised his eyes to lock gazes with the sinner he was about to tie himself to potentially until death did they part. Thought about what Alastor's expression would be when he realized the hole he was digging for himself. It brought a smile to own his face.

A hint, a shadow of doubt took root in Alastor's eyes, but it was much too late to back out now. Before either of them could second guess this, The King of Hell, his own demonic attributes on full display, reached out and took the Radio Demon's hand.

"Deal."

tbc

Part 10

#radioapple #alastor #lucifer morningstar #deer lucifer fic #oh boy #i have yet to figure out if angel blood is addicting #or if any other food source is going to become lack luster #im thinking of going with the second #we'll see

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