#I had to ask to be told to eat because I feel like I fundamentally do not deserve food or nutrition.

[lustspren]

Cool With You ft Danielle.

length: 12.8k words✦

Danielle & Male Reader

genres: cheesy/bit cringe lmao (i’m so sorry, it was necessary for the plot, I promise), fluffy, oral sex, hard sex, facetime sex, creampie, blowjob, anal

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"Girls, I think you should at least play the game if we're going to do this," Hanni said, sitting on the couch, "I mean, Riot hired us for this, and I think it would be appropriate."

Danielle immediately turned to look at Hanni, not wanting to say anything yet as she was turning the idea over in her head. Being from Australia she never grew up with that game, but she knew perfectly well that there in Korea it was a national phenomenon, and that they even had their own exclusive server. Part of this reputation around the video game was due to Faker, a player that anyone under 30 years old knew either by name or by sight. She wasn't exactly a fan of multiplayer video games, or even video games in general since she was an outdoors girl, so she kept quiet at first.

"And where are we supposed to do that?" Minji asked, eating some Pringles, "there are only two computers at home."

"Oh come on, we can ask for three more!" Hanni exclaimed, "I think we deserve it, don't we?"

"Well, I'll see what I can do," Minji sighed, and then looked at the others, "are you all in?"

"I wouldn't mind," Kitten said, shrugging.

"Yeah! It'll be fun!" Big Baby agreed, "what do you say, Dani?" They all looked at her.

"Ugh, do I really have to?" Danielle asked, not very attracted to the idea but not completely against it either. She liked spending time with her unnies, no matter what way.

"Oh come on! Pleeeaaaase!" Hanni pleaded with her hands clasped in request, "I promise you'll like it!" Dani made a small silence, looking at all of them.

"My god, fine!" she finally accepted, "but I demand your patience with me, okay? I can count on one hand the number of times I have touched a computer in my life."

"Yaaaaay!" Hanni clapped excitedly, "don't worry, it's very easy!"

4 days later. NewJeans girls already recorded Gods.

"Alright girls, I'll go to the top lane," Hanni said in front of the computer. All the others were sitting on their own, one next to the other, "Minji, you should go jungle, it's a selfish and arrogant role, just like you!"

"Then it's perfect, yes," Minji nodded.

"Big Baby, you go to the mid lane, there are champions that could be a lot of fun for you, and you would be a fundamental piece," Hanni told her, and she nodded.

"As for you two," Hanni looked at Dani and Kitten, "you are literally the perfect duo, I don't really know who should go ADC or who should go support, discuss it between yourselves."

"Well, support sounds like the easiest," Dani said, looking at Kitten, who always seemed indifferent to anything.

"Does that mean I'm in charge?" she asked, looking at the screen.

"I don't want to be, so yeah," Dani shrugged, and at that moment Hanni hit the find match button.

As was common for people new to League of Legends, Dani was completely overwhelmed and stressed by the huge amount of things that the game's tutorial never explains to you. Lots of different champions, runes, objectives, farming, crucial areas of the map, etc. Her head was hurting, but after a few games she started to feel more comfortable with her role, and she was especially prone to playing Leona.

At first, Dani only accepted the proposal because she did not like to contradict and argue over something like that. In fact, she considered Hanni's idea somewhat unnecessary and would not be at all transcendental in her life. But the unthinkable happened for her. She began to enjoy the game, and even played it during her free time. She usually always did it with Kitten, but many times she also did it alone. The most attractive thing for her was the anonymity that the game provided her, there no one treated her differently because of who she was, many insulted her, others treated her disrespectfully, and despite not being pleasant, she liked that, it was like a way to put her feet on the ground while having fun.

Months had passed since they recorded Gods, and the group continued on their journey of activities here and there, always busy and always in the public eye, but Dani never stopped playing, she even dedicated herself to watching the start of the Worlds, and especially rooting for T1 and the Korean teams.

When the final phase of the Worlds was approaching and the girls were preparing for their stage during the opening ceremony, they were informed that the day before there would be an event where celebrities and fans were going to be able to have a kind of meet & greet with fun activities involved. It was explained to them that one of the activities consisted of playing games with mixed teams of celebrities and idols, and they all immediately accepted the idea.

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You almost lost your shit when you got that damn email. You were jumping around like an idiot all over your room, dancing to the rhythm of a goofy ass techno song that just happened to be playing on your Spotify. You had won the fucking sweepstake to play in the celebrity matches, and there was no way you were going to take it in at that moment.

When your euphoria passed you sat down in your desk chair and sank into the seat as you stared at the email open on the screen, turning it over and over in your head since you still couldn't believe it. The list of celebrities was quite extensive, and it wasn't just Korean artists, there were also Western artists like Tobi Lou or Cal Scruby, but you only had one group in your mind, NewJeans, and you couldn't do anything but hope for play with any of them.

The big day finally arrived, and you were thankful that your T1 jersey with Gumayusi's name on it arrived just in time. You checked your appearance in the bathroom mirror, not wanting to get too meticulous so as not to go to the event with worries on your mind. Being a casual perfume enjoyer you had a few options to choose from, but you opted for something mild, Ralph Lauren's Polo Blue, always good for any time of year and always useful for conveying good vibes. Once you were ready, you left the house.

The excitement and nerves made you arrive at the place much earlier than planned, but luckily you were able to take advantage of this. You walked around the arena calmly, admiring each cosplay and asking for photos with all your favorites. You also visited every possible stand, buying merch from several of these and putting it in your backpack.

When the time came, you immediately went to the place indicated in the email for the sweepstake winners, a large room that served as a waiting room near the stage. Upon checking in you were bombarded with a series of rules that were more than expected, no touching unless prompted by the celebrity, no request for personal contact and the sort of things you might expect at an event of that nature. They told all the winners that you would be called by your summoner names when it was your time to play, and that they would be alternating between celebrity and winner. They also told you that you were all going to play the roles you signed up for, so they gave you a bracelet that said 'ADC'. Finally, the two representatives told you to have a good time and left you all alone in the room.

All names were being called, and your excitement only grew inside you as you realized that your NewJeans bias hadn't been called yet. Last game, and you already knew that by discard you were going to play against, or with Danielle. Minji and Hanni had already been called previously, so you already knew who was going to be there.

The teams began to organize, and you considered yourself the luckiest guy in the world when you realized that Danielle was going to be your support. They took you to the stage, and there she was, as radiant and spectacular as always. She was wearing a black turtleneck sweater, a short skirt of the same color, and high platform leather boots. Her beautiful curly hair with two adorable pigtails on the back of her head. When you approached her a big smile formed on her face, and you were immediately stunned by her beauty.

"Hi! I'm Danielle," she introduced herself, extending a hand to you, you shook it, and you both bowed, "you must be… Recon, right?"

"Yup," you nodded with a smile, "oh god, it's a great pleasure to meet you, seriously, I admire you guys a lot."

"Awww, thank you very much!" She bowed again, "Let's have fun, okay?"

"Sure!" At that moment you were told to sit down, and you were in champion selection in a matter of seconds, "Alright, what kind of supports do you like to play?" you asked, nervous as shit since there were lots of people watching you.

"Well, I always play Leona, that doesn't vary much," she told you over the discord voice channel.

"Alright, you like engage supports from what I see," you said, banning Morgana since she was her main counter, "I'll play Samira, okay? She's the best complement for Leona."

"Whatever you say, you're the expert here!"

Once the game started your mentality became completely different, to the level of completely forgetting where you were and who you were playing with. Maybe that was your good trick. You were the main shotcaller of your team, always attentive to the map and the position of the enemies to dictate plays and engage based on it. Kitten was the opposing ADC, so Danielle was constantly giving you data on how she played or what her tendencies were.

"Let's fight! She's alone!" she told you, however, you noticed due to the lack of vision that it was a bait, and that either the jungler or the opposing mid laner were waiting in a bush.

"Stop! Don't go!" You tried to warn her, however it was too late. She engaged, the enemy jungler came out of the bush and took the kill, "Ugh, you have to listen to me first!" you exclaimed, not upset but as a scold for her.

"Ahh! Sorry!" she apologized, "I'll let you make the decisions, I'll be all ears!"

"You can't engage in a situation like that," you said seriously, pushing out one last wave before recalling, "you had no vision of anything at all, just her, you fell right into her bait, oh, and on top of that you had no flash, it was an easy kill for them."

"That makes sense…" she made a small silence, perhaps processing the information, "okay, big mistake."

From that moment on, Danielle let herself be carried around by you, and you began to treat her like you could perfectly treat any random Solo Q support. You didn't think about the consequences at that moment, but what you also didn't know was that Danielle was not only impressed by your mechanical level and your knowledge of the game, but also by the fact that you were not conditioned by who she was, you treated her like any other ordinary person.

"Their jungler is dead!" you warned, "we can baron, quick!" Everyone listened to you, and quickly went to the baron pit, "if they come to defend it they are dead, we have much more damage," you take the baron in a matter of seconds, the other team had been intelligent and had not gone to fight.

"Jinx and Orianna don't have flash! We can engage!" Danielle said, and you nodded in satisfaction since you weren't aware of it.

"Alright, ulti ulti ulti!" you exclaimed. Dani casted her ulti, which only hit Jinx, but you flashed forward and started the whole fight. Orianna tried to throw her sphere at you, but you blocked it with your W and killed Jinx without using your ulti. Dani also flashed, and stunned Orianna before the entire opposing team arrived, that was when you cast your R, and with the help of your entire team, you won the team fight with a triple kill of yours.

"Niceeeeeee!" Dani shouted excitedly as you knocked down the nexus towers.

"Holy fuck very good job Dani!" you shouted back, along with all your team members. You threw the nexus, and you won the game.

There was a small ceremony for the winners when all the games were finally over. They gave you all official Worlds 2023 merchandise and figures of your choice. You chose one from Kai'Sa. All the celebrities and other people were already getting off the stage, that was when Dani passed by you, she took your wrist and left a piece of paper in your hand before getting off.

''Add me. I would love to play with you again in the future. It was a lot of fun!" the note said, and as a signature it had her summoner's name.

You wanted to turn around and thank her, but she had already gotten out and was heading towards her dressing room, leaving you completely stunned and unable to believe that she had actually done that. You quickly put the note in your pocket, preventing anyone else from seeing it. You got off the stage, and when you picked up all your things you drove back home.

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The first thing you did when you got home was rush to your room, turn on the PC and enter League to add Danielle. Upon verifying that she had not given you a fake summoner name and that it was real, you sent her the request. You sat there for a while, knowing that she had probably just done that as a polite gesture and that she most likely wasn't going to actually add you. About ten minutes passed, and you got up to go to take a bath.

The weeks passed and she never accepted your friend request, but you didn't let that discourage you since it was what you most expected would happen. During those weeks you continued with your daily life, scheduling coaching sessions with some clients while trying to reach Grandmaster in Solo Q. League was your comfort game, one of the few things you were really good at, and every time you entered a game you felt like a fish in water.

More days, and you were already starting to get off the boat. You no longer thought it was possible in any way that Dani would add you, but one day, without even thinking about it, you logged into League and found that you had a new friend. It was none other than Danielle Marsh herself, or 'MermaidMermaid', as her summoner's name said. You immediately cleared absolutely all the agendas you had pending for that day, and after going through an anxiety crisis you sat down to invite her to a game.

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Danielle didn't expect to have so much fun that day, but there she was, buried in the seat of the VAN and looking out the window while she couldn't get that guy who played with her out of her head. Not only was the guy cute and kind, but he had treated her like a normal person, something no one had ever done knowing who she was. It always happened with strangers online, but in person? That was unthinkable. She was Danielle Marsh from NewJeans, and absolutely everyone had to be nice and treat her like a goddess. He didn't care about that.

He always gave her compliments and congratulated her when she did something well during the game, but he also yelled at her and scolded her when she did something stupid, and despite all that, he always remained calm to lead his teammates to make the best decisions and win. It seemed like something quite basic, but for a celebrity who was already fed up with everyone being fake and hypocritical towards her, it was something very noteworthy, which is why she gave him her summoner name; she wanted someone new to play with, someone who wouldn't treat her like a spoiled baby and would make her really improve at the game while being real towards her.

However, she was still a celebrity, and that meant that she had to continue fulfilling her endless activities with the group. She was quite frustrated since she had almost no window of free time to sit at the computer, and also worried that the guy would think that she was just lying and that she really had no intention of adding him. Nothing could be further from the truth, she was impatient to have free time and accept the friend request that she knew was pending. 

About a week had to pass before she could have some free time for an afternoon. She sat at the computer, a bottle of sprite in one hand, and logged into League to accept that guy's friend request. When she added him, she noticed that he was absent, so she put her legs up on the chair and looked at her phone while she waited for something new. Her heart nearly burst when she heard a noise inside the client, he had invited her to a game.

She almost dropped the phone on the floor when she leaned forward in the chair and placed her hands on the desk, panic making her look at the game invitation for longer than she should have, but she finally did it, and when she entered the lobby the first thing she did was leave the League Voice so he wouldn't hear her speak. They shared a couple of messages in the lobby chat while queueing, mostly a couple of greetings and reminders of their last meeting.

They played about 3 games just communicating through pings or messages in chat, as could happen with any random person in the game, but it soon started to become somewhat tedious for both of them as they needed more precision and shorter response times, so Dani, knew that the only way to truly improve and win games comfortably, was to speak to him by voice.

When they played the last game, the first thing Dani did after saying goodbye to him was go directly to Minji.

"Unnie!" Dani caught her attention, while Minji practiced in the living room with a piano.

"Yeah?"

"Well, you know I recently played with this guy again..."

"The guy you played with that time?" She put the piano aside, "What's wrong with him?"

"He's being pretty nice to me, and he's helping me a lot to get better at the game!" Her voice was filled with emotion as she said that last sentence, "But talking via chat is quite uncomfortable... I would like to talk to him via voice, what do you say?"

"Uh..." she thought about it for a second, "Discord is the best option, yes," she nodded, "but hey, I need you to really be very careful with that, you know why."

"He's trustworthy, I promise!" Dani exclaimed, "Besides, I can create a new email just for that account."

"Just be careful, please," Minji insisted, "Now leave me alone, I don't want to forget the melody I just thought of."

Dani ran back to her room and hurried to create a new Gmail email exclusively for Discord, an application that was a bit complicated for her to figure out how to use at first, so she asked Hanni for help to familiarize herself with everything before doing anything. When she finally felt safe using the app, she sent you an invite link the next day through League chat.

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You almost spit out your coffee when you saw a discord invite link in the chat. You quickly put the cup aside the mouse, put on your headphones, and clicked to accept the invitation. It was a channel where it was just you and her, the name was 'please help me', you couldn't help but laugh. She was already joined to the voice channel, so you just had to join.

"Hello hello?" You greeted, adjusting your microphone to your mouth. You heard interference sounds and some tapping on the microphone.

"Hellooo?" you heard her say, you inevitably smiled, "can you hear me right?"

"Yes perfectly!" you nodded.

"Gosh, I'm really bad with computers..." Dani spoke softly, as if she was afraid to raise her voice. Her pretty voice combined with her sexy accent made your skin crawl, it was like listening to an ASMR video, "I had to ask Hanni for help."

"Discord's really easy, it's just a matter of getting used to it I think," you felt a knot in your chest and a fluttering feeling of anxiety in the pit of your stomach. You were talking to Danielle Marsh from NewJeans, something you couldn't even fully take in, "How are you? Is everything okay?"

"You know, very exhausted from all the activities, it's not an easy life," she sighed, "but I'm still standing. What about you?"

"I certainly can't complain, honestly, but anyway, are you ready?"

"Yes! More than ready," as soon as she told you that, you pressed the find match button.

That was the first game you played, of many more that were to come. During the following months Dani made a great effort to play almost every day with you, no matter where in the world she was or what time it was, she always found a window of free time to play even just one game with you. Naturally the chemistry grew between you, but you never expected that she would even want to share her daily life with you while you weren't playing League. At first it was just basic things like the things they did as a group, or silly things like what she ate for breakfast or what she dreamed of, but gradually the trust between you grew, and it was a matter of time before you built a real connection.

You weren't a fool, anyway. You knew very well how beautiful and sexy she was without even trying. More than a friendship with her was all you could ever want from the bottom of your heart, but you were never one to daydream, so you were more than happy to just have her in your life. Occasionally you and her would flirt with each other over messages, but her being the person she was with the warm and kind personality she had, you thought it was all innocent and going nowhere. Average League player.

Friends of yours always asked who was that person with whom you always played and who prevented you from playing with them, but you never said a single word or clue, you always came out with the same excuse that it was just a client who had insisted on private coaching sessions in exchange for a significant monetary sum. They always believed you, but it was funny to think that it wasn't far from the truth either. The only difference was that Danielle still didn't pay you. Not yet.

There was a time when Dani was so busy with international activities that there were several days during which you would only message each other but there was no way you could even play a game. During one of those days you were out with your friends, the night escalated too quickly, and it all ended with large amounts of alcohol. You were a little drunk, and as soon as you had a moment alone at the bar you didn't hesitate to take out your phone to text Dani.

You completely forgot you had written that message until you got home, still with the alcohol affecting your body but no longer as drunk as before. You lay down on the bed ready to rest, until your phone rang with a notification. Dani had answered you.

Upon reading that last message you quickly stood up (tripping over your own shoes on the way) and in a couple of strides you turned your chair around, sat down and put on your headphones to enter discord.

"Hi thereee," you greeted, logging into League.

"Hi!" She laughed, noticing that you were speaking differently, “Are you drunk?”

"Nah," you laughed, "I mean, I'm a little more cheerful than usual, but I'm not drunk, don't worry," you assured, but you didn't know if you were actually telling the truth or not.

"Well, if you say so," she giggled again, "are you ready?" She asked when you were both in the lobby.

"Yessir! Go ahead!"

During all those months in which you were playing, you had not started playing ranked yet since Dani was still low level and did not have enough champions, but for a few weeks that was the only thing you played. You were climbing pretty fast, she was currently at Silver 2, and she was only one game away from reaching Silver 1. As expected, you won that game.

"Yaaaaay!" she celebrated, and you heard small applauses through her microphone, "Oh my god, we're going up so fast!" you laughed.

"At this point you should pay me with nudes in case I take you to gold," you said, not really thinking clearly about what you had said at any time since alcohol always made you this bold about everything. There was a small silence on the call.

"Well… we'll see about that," Dani lowered her voice again, speaking with a silkiness that made you shiver since you had the volume turned up quite high. You were surprised that she didn't answer you with a resounding no, "but that has to happen first."

"At this point you doubt what will happen?" you asked with an arrogant chuckle.

"I said we'll see, next week I'll be home, so by then we can play as much as we want," it was probably just your altered perception of reality thanks to the alcohol, but you noticed a certain double meaning in that last sentence.

"You have to go now, don't you?" you asked somewhat sadly.

"Yeah, I'm so sorry, honey," she wailed, "Just rest, okay? You must be exhausted."

"Yes I am," you sighed, "you rest too, Dani, I missed playing with you."

"And me too..." there was another small silence in which you were smiling, and for some reason you felt like she was too, "later, bye bye."

"Bye bye," you answered back, and left the call to go straight to bed.

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Dani was surprised, but honestly she wasn't disappointed at all. The connection she felt with that guy was genuine, something that did not happen very often with people since she became an idol. In fact, she did not give much importance to the consequences since she knew that many girls in the industry did very similar things, but at the same time she was highly nervous since she was inexperienced in that area.

Certainly she was not a virgin, she had a boyfriend who had taken care of it, but her experience at that time had not even been satisfactory, only for that stupid and cretinous boy whom she had already more than forgotten. But since then she never had more time to dedicate to the boys she hadn’t continued training that side of her, she had a few friendly kisses with Hanni, but nothing more than that.

The week before she returned home passed at the speed of light, and as soon as she settled back into the house and rested a little, she told him that they could start grinding rankeds. They had a fairly extensive winning streak, which was enough to leave them one game away from gold, but that's when the losses came.

Three games in a row lost, 0 LP. She was trying twice as hard as usual just like him, but no matter how hard they tried, her teammates were never right and they simply lost because the other lines were way further ahead in gold than everyone else. Of course she could have just sent him nudes, but she wanted to see him put in the effort first.

The road to Gold was being quite horrifying, they were trapped in a win-loss streak for several days, but that was never a cause for despair for him, who continually reassured her assuring her that sooner or later they would go up, since they were simply better players than the others, but time was running out, as there was only one last day left before she had to leave home again for a while.

It was quite late at night and it was already the last one Dani could play before going to sleep, which coincidentally was also the last game she needed to finally move up to Gold. She was curious about whether he had forgotten about the bet since he hadn't mentioned it at any time since he said it, but she wouldn't be the one to remind him.

The game was quite chaotic and difficult for both of them, but with some wonderful individual play on his part, they won, and Dani had moved up to Gold.

"Let's goooooooo!" he exclaimed into the microphone, "I told you! It was a matter of time!"

"Ahhhhh!!" She squealed with excitement, tapping the table with both hands, "You really are amazing!" she said as she watched the Gold promotion animation.

"People of this elo are honestly terrible, mother of god," he sighed, "but hey, we did it!"

"Thank you very much, really," she sighed. There was a small silence.

"Well... I already got you to Gold, I wonder how you can make it up to me…" he said quietly.

"Oh honey, I should sleep right now..." she replied smiling and playing with a curl of her hair, "bye bye."

"Huh? Really?" He laughed, and before he could respond Dani left the call.

As soon as Dani took off the headphones she leaned back and bit her lip still smiling, thinking about the angles she was going to use and the way she was going to send the photos to him in the morning.

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When you woke up and checked your phone your eyes couldn't believe what they were seeing. Dani continued to surprise you, it wasn't just a photo you had received, but a complete photo session of all kinds. Photos of her perky pretty little tits, her long skinny pale legs, her pretty feet, a photo of her rubbing her pussy, another photo lying on her stomach showing you her bare back and her ass, and she even took the time and daring to record a video of her bending over and spreading her ass for you. The killer part of the video for you was how she looked over her shoulder at the mirror and saw you with a seductive look. You were incredibly hard.

A few weeks passed in which the naughty messages and flirting continued, becoming more advanced with each passing day. She was driving you completely crazy, if before your crush on her was strong, now knowing her and getting to see her naked body normally, you didn't want any other girl in the world other than her.

It was the last night before she finally came home, you were lying in your bed, you had showered a few minutes ago, and you were ready to continue reading the Jujutsu Kaisen manga until you received a message from Dani.

As soon as you sent that message you received a video call from her, you innocently responded, and when you saw her your jaw almost dropped to the floor. She was completely naked.

"What the f...?!!" You opened your eyes wide, while she adjusted the camera, sitting on her bed.

"I couldn't help it, I'm sorry," she smiled, biting her lip as she watched you through the screen, "I didn't want to wait for you to take me to Plat before giving you this, so consider it payment in advance."

You left the phone on a small improvised tripod that you made from the blankets and began to undress quickly, Dani giggling every time you took off a piece of clothing until finally, like her, you were completely naked and hard for her.

"My god... the things I would do to you if I were right there with you," you said, bringing your hand to your cock to start masturbating very slowly at first.

"Oh yeah?" she asked, her countenance transforming into one seductive and sexy, "like what?" She sat with her knees apart and started rubbing her pussy slowly.

"I would kiss those pretty little tits..." when you said that she brought a hand to her tits to play with her nipples, "I would lick your nipples, and I would suck on them."

"I'd love to have that pretty mouth of yours on them..." she moaned, "but also on my tummy."

"Oh yeah? Would you like me to kiss and lick all over your tummy before eating that pretty pussy, darling?" You spat into your hand and brought it back to your cock to move your wrist slightly faster.

"Fuck, I'd love to," she settled back on the bed, this time spreading her legs for you so you could see her pussy perfectly, "I'd love to eat your cock too, honey..." she gasped, rubbing herself with two fingers.

"What would you do with this cock baby?" you asked with a gasp, watching how she played with her pussy and how she bit her lip.

"I would kiss it... I would lick it like a delicious popsicle..." you began to move your hand faster, your breathing becoming more and more labored due to arousal, "I would also kiss your balls, and I would suck them until they were soaked." 

"Fuck... keep going honey," you said, zooming out so she could see you masturbating.

"You like it huh?" She bit her lower lip, "I would also kiss your tip... and collect the pre-cum that leaks out before taking it to my mouth," she teased by taking two fingers inside her pussy, which was glistening from how wet it was, "and I would suck that cock so hard that I would suck the soul out of you."

"Jesus Christ... I want to fuck you so bad Dani," you moaned, as you jerked off in front of your phone's camera for her. She moaned, and took two fingers inside her pussy.

"Mmmm yeah?" she moaned louder, "how would you like to fuck me?" She began pumping her fingers in and out of her pussy, slow at first.

"I'd start by fucking you on your back, with those nice long legs on my shoulders," you said panting, moving your hand slowly to match her pace, "I'd make sure my cock would go all the way in and all the way out, and also to kiss those pretty feet while I do it."

"Mmmm, how else, tell me how else!" she moaned louder, pumping her fingers faster, you consequently moved your wrist faster too.

"Then I'd love to put you on your hands and knees, and fuck you from behind while I pull on that beautiful hair," you moaned to her, knowing that the more you did it the more she was going to get turned on.

"How, like this?" She put the phone back and placed it horizontally, to rest on her hands and knees with her ass facing the camera, her back making a beautiful and perfect arch.

"Just like fucking that," you groaned, watching as she ran a hand under her body and returned her fingers inside her pussy, this time her wrist pumping fast and hard, "your ass is so pretty… you'd like me to fuck it dear?"

"That long juicy cock inside my tight little butthole?" she said with one side of her face pressed against the mattress, looking into the camera, "as much and hard as you want, mmmgh!"

"How much would you like me to fuck your ass baby?" you asked, the tingling in your lower abdomen becoming more intense as you got closer to cumming.

"A lot! It's all I want right now!" You were worried about how loudly she was moaning as her fingers aggressively pumped against her pussy, but you were so deep in your own imagination that you didn't care in the slightest to say something, "I want you to fuck my ass so hard that my legs tremble all day!

"I'm so fucking close, Dani, fuck!" You moaned, masturbating as hard and fast as you could as you watched her tight ass and how she finger fucked herself.

"Me too! Cum with me honey!" She turned away from the camera for a moment to focus on her own pleasure, but you continued to stare at her ass, imagining that you were kneeling right behind her while you fucked her. It was a matter of time before you exploded.

"Agh fuckkk!!" you grunted, strips of cum shooting out of your cock everywhere, landing on your lower abdomen, on your thighs and also staining your sheet without meaning to.

"Mmmmmgh!!!" She let out one last squeal before she stopped moving her wrist abruptly and cum. Her entire body shook in violent spasms. She lay flat against the mattress, her hips writhing upward as she rubbed herself between her pussy folds and let out cute moans, "Oh my god..." she sighed, adjusting herself to finally look at the screen, "look how much you came… god, I'd love to be there to pick it all up with my tongue and swallow it," she said, picking up the phone and bringing it closer to a shot of just her face, she was looking at your cum-soaked cock, licking her lips.

"You're really going to drive me crazy, Danielle Marsh," you said, sighed and then smiled, "you made me a mess."

"If I were there I'd clean it all myself... but I'm not," she sighed, looking to the side and then laying down on a pillow, "this was fun, wasn't it?"

“Yes it was,” you nodded, entranced by her pretty smile, as if just seconds ago you weren't imagining yourself pulling her hair and fucking her like an animal, “give me a moment, I'll go get some toilet paper. "

"I'll wait for you here, honey," she said, and you rushed for toilet paper to clean everything up.

"Fuck, I'll have to change the sheets," you sighed, cleaning it before throwing all the papers into the trash can and returning to Dani, "here I am."

"Damn, I think Hanni unnie heard me," she said, putting a hand to her mouth to giggle, "she just told me to shut up via text."

"Well, tell her you're not going to scream like that anymore," you laughed, lying back on the pillow, "you were moaning pretty loud."

"Really? God, they're going to kill me," she looked worried for a moment, "But nah, it's my revenge, Minji always does this kind of thing with her dildo."

"Wow, I guess you didn't need to share that information," you chuckled, but imagining Minji playing with a dildo in her pussy wasn't an unpleasant image in your head at all.

"Probably not, but I already told you, so if you want to jerk off thinking about it you can," she laughed, "as long as you show me."

"I don't think I'll have the desire to do that after how you just drained me," you smiled.

"A shame then..." she looked to the side for a few seconds, thinking about something, "hey, I'd like to tell you something."

"Sure, what it is."

"Um... well, I want us to hang out again, you know, in person."

"Well, I'm sure we can come up with something hon-"

"I like you," she said, not letting you finish the sentence, your heart skipped a beat.

"H-huh?"

"Just like you heard, I like you, and I like you a lot, god," she said desperately, as if it was something she'd been wanting to shout for a long time, "you... you're so cute, and so genuine with me, you make me feel like the real Danielle Marsh," she sighed, "yeah, I like you a lot."

"I..." you were speechless, your heart beating at full speed and with a tickling in your stomach, "Dani..." you were staring at her, "I like you a lot too, I don't think I've ever been so down for a girl like I am for you. You are so... radiant, and beautiful, and tender, and attentive!" As you spoke, Dani's smile and her face became brighter, "since you came into my life my days have only gotten better."

"God, you're going to make me cry, stop," she laughed with glassy eyes, "you're beautiful, and to be honest the best thing that's happened to me in a long time."

"I… I can say the same thing," you smiled from ear to ear, "you make me feel dumber than I am," she let out a louder laugh.

"And that's a good thing?"

"I guess so… hey, I'm really sleepy, honey," you said, and then yawned.

"I'm going to take a bath first before I go to sleep, you might find some surprises when you wake up," she winked at you, "but it's okay, darling, go rest," she gave the camera a kiss, and your inner self let out a stupid giggle.

"I can't wait to wake up then," you, completely idiotic and in love, also gave the camera a kiss, "tomorrow we'll talk about our outing, okay? Rest, baby."

"See you later honey," she waved at the camera and blew you a kiss with her hand. You hung up the call.

Even though you told her you were going to sleep, you stayed in bed awake for a few long minutes, internalizing everything that just happened and how it had happened. The tender words that she had said to you a second ago couldn't come out of your head, nor did her beautiful and radiant smile while you said nice things to her. That girl was everything you had been waiting for for a long time, and to think that everything had happened by chance made you laugh, but there, staring at the ceiling of your room with a silly smile on your face, you couldn't do anything but thank fate for putting Danielle Marsh on your path. That was the best sleep you had had in years.

---------------------------------

During the entire flight home Dani couldn't get the silly smile off her face. The girls constantly asked her what was wrong, but Dani always changed the topic of conversation or just played dumb. That night couldn't get out of her head, she remembered vividly how he had made her feel. That orgasm, those pretty words, that bright look of his as he said it all. It all seemed like a dream too good to be true, she had finally found the right person (or so it seemed), and knowing that something like that was waiting for her at home only made her stupidly happy.

When she landed the first thing she did when she got home was turn on her computer, take a shower and lie down on her bed to take a short nap. When she woke up and checked her phone, she was not surprised to find a couple of messages from him. One of them was so cheesy that she couldn't help but giggle.

Before jumping into the details about their meeting together, she had to first sit down and review her upcoming schedule carefully, and to her dismay, she realized that absolutely every day of the next two weeks was completely booked. That stressed her out, but it didn't stop her from continuing to spend time with him in League.

"Unfortunately I'm chain cc'ed for the next two weeks, honey," she had told him after a couple of games played, while they talked on discord, "but then it will be your turn for your tie me up," she giggled

The two of them continued teasing each other during those two weeks, day and night non-stop. Many conversations were based solely on what things she liked and what boundaries she would like to explore with him. Things in that chat were getting quite dirty, Hanni on one of those occasions accidentally read a message she had sent and was making fun of her all day, asking her if a cock that size wasn't going to break her in half.

Attached to that last message, a video of her doing a close up of her lips while she licked them and then stuck out her tongue.

--------------------------------------

The plan Dani had formulated for you and her to have time alone was simply much better than you thought. She had told you to meet at a convention center, where there would be a cosplay event where she could wear a mask and no one would recognize her. You had already done your part of the plan too, you had made a reservation at a fairly trustworthy restaurant, as well as a reservation at a luxury hotel that you were sure she would love.

You arrived at the convention center on time, at 5 in the afternoon just as you and she had planned. You walked through the crowd in search of her, not paying much attention to all the cosplays around you since you could only focus on one thing at a time. The crowd was quite overwhelming for someone who was not used to being surrounded by so many people, but in the end you found her, you recognized her just by how she was dressed and by her beautiful long hair, but what finally confirmed her identity was the Jhin mask she was wearing. You thought it was cute that it was a little big on her face.

"Hello there! Your Jhin mask is great!" you said, taking her hand. You heard her giggle beneath her mask as she clung to you in a hug.

"God, I was starting to get overwhelmed" She said, still clinging to you, with your arms around her thin body.

"Ready to go?" you asked, separating yourself from her.

"Of course! We have nothing to do here," as soon as she said that you grabbed her hand and started pushing everyone out of your way as if you were Moses parting the waters of the Red Sea. You left the convention center in a matter of minutes, guided her to your car, and when she got in she took off her mask.

"Oh my god, you're literally a work of art," you said, sitting next to her, carefully detailing each of her pretty, doll-like features, as well as her visibly expensive outfit, which consisted of a long, beige baggy coat, white pantyhose and wide-heeled shoes.

"Do you like it?" She asked with a little smile, also looking you up and down.

"I love it," you nodded, looking into her eyes, "god, I can't believe I have you here with me."

"Just come and kiss me, baby" she said, and you lunged forward without hesitation, gently grabbing her face and crashing your lips onto hers.

Kissing her for the first time was liberating, a transcendental experience that felt like a little piece of heaven at that precise moment. Her lips were everything you imagined, soft, delicious and silky, you lost track of time, so you didn't really know how long you were kissing her until you separated and you looked at the time on your phone.

"Oh my god, it's getting late," you said, starting the car, "I booked us a table at a pretty discreet restaurant for both of us."

“Oh honey, I only have an appetite for one thing right now…” she said, her incredibly sexy Aussie accent sending shivers down your spine. She grabbed the skirt of her coat and pulled it up to her waist, revealing her pair of long legs adorned by her pantyhose, which went up to her thighs. Your sight went straight to her white lace panties, which she took off and then put into her own mouth.

"W-wow... what are you do..." you looked around, remembering that you were still in the middle of the street and that your windows weren't completely tinted. She grabbed your wrist, and opening both legs as wide as she could, she brought your hand right to her pussy so you could finger it.

You quickly hit the gas, pulling out of the street as fast as you could and turning a corner to drive straight toward the hotel. She put on her seat belt, moaning against her own panties while you rubbed your fingers against her clit until her pussy was wet, that's when you took two fingers inside her and started pumping your wrist.

Driving with one hand at such high speed was one of the most reckless and dangerous things you had ever done in your life, but there you were, dodging and overtaking cars to get to your destination as quickly as possible. You couldn't afford to look at Dani while you fingered her, but you heard her pretty muffled moans against her lace fabric and your cock did nothing but throb with excitement. She noticed this, and with her left hand she began to massage it over your pants. You swore that by the time you pulled into the hotel parking lot your boxers were already stained with pre-cum as well.

"Consider this a gift," she said, removing her panties from her mouth as you turned off the car, tossing them in the back seat and pulling her coat back down.

"Get off," you ordered, completely blinded by your desire to fuck her.

You both got out of the car and Dani put the mask back on. You checked into the lobby as quickly as the receptionist would let you, and once you had your key card you were both very close to jogging to the elevator. As you went up to your room floor she took off her mask and let it fall to the floor, you pinned her against the wall to kiss her again, and she began to moan against your lips.

When the elevator door opened you wrapped your arms around her and, almost tripping out of it, you began to walk down the hallway while your lips were still together. It was quite uncomfortable, so you decided it was best to just carry her. She wrapped her legs around your torso, and you rushed to your room, swiping the key card and opening the door in a flash. Once inside you locked the door behind you, and turned on the lights to leave her on the floor.

"Nice enough room for you to fuck me to death, yeah," she said, taking off her shoes as did you before unbuttoning her coat and removing it from her body. To your surprise, the only thing she was wearing from the waist up was an extremely tight tank top with no bra underneath her, her small nipples standing out against the fabric. Of course the top didn't last long, she took it off immediately, and now she was completely naked except for the white stockings which you were more than happy for her to leave on.

You lunged at her and wrapped your arms around her thin, tight body to kiss her again. She helped you undress while you ran your hands over every inch of her body, grabbing her toned little ass, caressing her back, pinching her nipples and running two fingers along her slit. You were both completely naked in a matter of minutes, and as soon as she could Dani climbed back onto your torso, wrapping her arms around your neck and her long legs around your lower body.

You quickly pinned her against a wall, and without any foreplay or teasing you took your throbbing cock straight into her extremely tight pussy.

"Oh fuck…" You gasped against her parted lips, she let out small moans as every inch of your cock made its way inside her until it reached the bottom.

"You feel so good and big!" She moaned, clinging to your neck with both of her hands.

"And you feel so fucking tight baby," you growled, grabbing her thighs and spreading her legs wide open to start fucking her as fast as you could, completely entranced by the immense desire you had for her.

"Oh yes! Fuck me hard and fast honey!!" she whimpered against your lips, as your cock moved completely in and out of her suffocatingly tight little pussy.

You were both deeply rooted in all the pent-up feelings and desire you had for each other over the past few months. You felt liberated, letting yourself be completely carried away by the moment and not thinking for a single moment about everything else. The moans quickly became present, both yours and hers as you hammered her pussy so intensely that it echoed throughout her room. She caressed the hair behind your neck, tangling her long fingers in several strands of it as she kissed you as much as she could. Your fingers were clinging to her soft thighs, beads of sweat falling from your forehead since you hadn't even bothered to turn on the air conditioning.

You and her had been teasing each other during the day, you fingering her a moment ago and her massaging your cock over her pants so well that your boxers were left with a big ass stain of precum on them. It didn't take long for you both to cum.

She did it first, writhing against the wall, letting out squeals of pleasure towards the ceiling and squeezing your cock into her pussy walls, which were already quite tight. You followed her, but not wanting to cum inside her yet, you pulled out from inside her and masturbated, pointing directly at her perfect, toned abdomen, which was painted white in a matter of seconds. Long strips of cum flowing free down her belly and reaching her crotch. You left her on the ground, both of you breathing heavily.

"Fuck, I'm sorry, that was too fast..." you apologized, panting, seeing her belly filled with thick white liquid.

"Oh don't worry darling, we have absolutely the whole night to ourselves," she said with a small smile, grabbing your face to give you a small kiss, "why didn't you finish inside me?"

"I didn't want to do it without your consent, I'm sorry," you said.

"Ahhh!" she squealed, "you're so cute I'm going to die," she gave you more little kisses, "I appreciate the gesture, darling, but don't hold back, fill me with your cum as much as you want," she winked at you, and gave you a little push back so you could see how she collected your cum from her belly and began to bring it all to her mouth to swallow it.

"Mmm, how is it?" you asked with a mischievous smile, as she swallowed the last remnants of your cum off her belly.

"Delicious, just as I expected," she gave you a kiss and went to the bathroom door, "wait for me in bed, honey, my abdomen is sticky now and I need to wash it, it won't be long."

"Okay," you nodded, and went to the side of the bed to grab the control for the air conditioning, turn it on, and lie down on the bed while you looked at your phone waiting for her. She came out of the bathroom a little less than five minutes in, your eyes went straight to her pretty naked body, and you really realized how lucky you were to have possibly one of the most beautiful idols in the industry like that in the same room with you.

"Oh gosh, it's cold all of a sudden," she hugged herself as she walked towards the bed, "lucky I have you as a personal heater," she smiled, climbing onto the bed to crawl towards you and lie down with half of her body leaning against yours.

"I still can't believe I finally have you in my arms, you know?" You sighed, snuggling her against your chest with both arms, then left a hand on her lower back. She hugged you too, leaving one hand on your chest and scribbling on your skin with one finger.

"It seems like a dream, right?" she asked as she looked into your eyes, two bright and adorable orbs, "for me too..." she gave you a peck on the jaw.

"More for me, I assure you," you laughed, returning the kiss but on her lips, "like, we met by chance of fate, you being a celebrity and me being a simple random who won a raffle."

"And here we are, you already fucked me and your cum is on my stomach right now," you both laughed out loud at that.

"Breakthrough indeed," you laughed.

"Thank you for being who you are and how you are... seriously," she told you with a smile on her face, "as you say, we met by chance, but now you are so fundamental to me that it’s difficult for me to think about how I could possibly improve my life right now."

"Well... I don't know if it will sound corny but you are like an angel fallen from heaven to me," her eyes, full of love and tenderness, looked at you, "I mean, I never expected this to happen when I won that spot, in fact, I wasn't even completely sure that I would be able to meet you since even that was random. I'm literally the luckiest guy in the world, to have that opportunity and to be able to make you... mine."

"Would you repeat that last one thing again?" she asked with a sweet tone of voice.

"Mine, to be able to make you completely mine. You are, completely mine, Danielle Marsh," you emphasized, and she squirmed in tenderness with a sweet smile from ear to ear on her face.

"Yes I am, I'm completely yours, honey," she said, cradling the side of your face with her hand and kissing you again, this time staying tied to your lips.

While you were kissing again, one of her hands discreetly went down your abdomen until it reached your flaccid cock, which she gently grabbed and began to massage. In response, you lowered your hand a little further from her lower back, reaching one of her buttocks to gently squeeze it. She gasped against your lips, and began to rub your cock up and down until it was hard again. You lowered your hand a little further, bringing it between her buttocks and reaching up to her pussy to rub between her folds.

"Mmm… I want to eat you, baby," you gasped against her lips.

"And I want to suck your cock, who will get the prize first?" she asked with mischief in her voice.

"Why not both?" When you said that you sat her up to grab her by her waist, she was quite light, so it was easy for you to just turn her around and lift her on top of you. Dani caught on to what you wanted to do immediately, and positioned herself so that her ass was hovering above you.

"You're a dirty genius huh?" She teased with a little smile, looking down at you and shaking her butt in your face.

"You'll thank me later," with two of your hands you grabbed her shoulders and made her collapse forward, her chest now pressed against your abdomen. You felt all of her long hair spread across your thighs, and also her hot breath on your cock. She extended her knees to the sides, her butt lowered, and now being within your reach you grabbed her waist and made her sit on your face, your entire face now submerged between her buttocks.

You were the first to act, giving her pussy a long, deep lick to which she reacted with a cute moan while she had your cock gripped in one hand. The next thing you felt was how she began to kiss you in every corner of it, including your balls, which she licked and sucked before moving on to lick your shaft from all directions. Not wanting to go too fast you moved your tongue slowly, and just like her you just limited yourself to spreading wet kisses all over her slit, which was enough to make her moan already.

When she began to lick your tip with her tongue swirling around it, you reached for her clitoris to lick it with slow strokes. Realizing that she was the one setting the pace she took you deeper into her mouth, reaching just past the middle of your cock, you felt her try to go deeper, but her gag reflex prevented her from doing so. Still, she began to suck you up and down, moaning around your shaft as she pumped her head at a pace that had you moaning against her pussy as well.

You squeezed her buttocks with both hands, and squeezing them forced her to grind her hips against your face. She did so, and her pussy began to rub against both your mouth and nose. You could tell that she wasn't an expert at sucking cock, but you could also tell that she was trying hard to pay attention to how you moaned to know how to do it better and better. She certainly learned well, since after a minute she was already driving you crazy.

She gradually began to pump her head faster and more skillfully, and you began to move your tongue matching her rhythm. Her uncontrolled moans vibrated your cock, which in turn caused a domino effect in which you vibrated her pussy with your own moans. You noticed in the movement of her hips, more wandering and less smooth, that she was much closer to her orgasm than you, so you hugged her body with both arms and made her stop grinding her hips so you could concentrate on licking her clit with the tip of your tongue as fast as you could, your efforts soon rewarded as she exploded in your face.

Her ass smothered you and she pulled you out of her mouth to let out a squeal into the air, you gladly continued to eat her through her orgasm, not caring about the fact that your breathing was incredibly limited thanks to her. Her whole body was shaking, and you caressed every corner of it with your hands until she stopped.

"Give me another load honey..." you heard her say with a moan, sinking back onto your cock and also using her hand to suck as hard and fast as she could. She leaned her hips forward to let you breathe, but you knew it was also to hear you moan while she gave you a disastrous blowjob with saliva everywhere.

"C-cumming!" you announced with a growl, and seconds later, you exploded inside her little mouth. She took every drop of your cum inside her, making a great effort not to choke in the attempt, when your orgasm passed, she got off you and knelt next to you to show you her tongue completely filled with white liquid. She closed her mouth again, and swallowed everything.

"First blood," she said with a mischievous tone, you laughed still breathing hard.

"Well, technically..."

"Nope, I'm not counting the previous one. First blood I said," she reaffirmed, approaching you to share another steamy kiss.

"Then let's keep playing shall we?" You said against her lips, and you rose little by little, leaning on your elbows. She separated from your lips, and watched your movements carefully. You finally grabbed her by her waist and made her turn her back to you, then, with one hand on her lower back, you made her rest on her hands and knees. She replicated the same perfect arc she had done that time on the video call, and seeing her tight ass and her dripping pussy from behind made your cock throb again.

Without a second thought you spit again on your cock and thrust yourself back into her, your shaft sliding so smoothly into her that a single push was enough to make it disappear between her folds. Dani threw her head back and moaned loudly.

"Mmmmgh!!" She moaned with pursed lips, turning to look at you over her shoulder, “smash that fucking tight pussy honey!!” She asked, holding on to the sheets while you began to do exactly what she had just asked, two hands on her small waist and your hips pumping almost at full power right from the start.

Her body began to shake like a rag doll's, back and forth with each slam of your pelvis against her tight ass, which wobbled with each strong thrust. You gasped and pursed your lips between small moans, admiring her long bare back and how her hair spread across it in an incredibly sexy way.

She stopped looking at you to bury her face in her mattress and moan against it, pulling the sheet a little from the edges of her because of how hard she was scrunching them with her fingers. One of her hands reached out to her right to grab a pillow, hug it and moan against it while you fucked her pussy like an animal. She raised her head again to see you over her shoulder, her red face completely distorted with pleasure and her mouth half open as she moaned in the most sensual ways.

"Don't look at me like that or I'll have to spank you Danielle Marsh," you warned with a sly smile as you fucked her just the way she wanted.

"Oh yes please, spank me!!" She asked quickly with a desperate squeal, and without a second thought you gave her a spicy spank on her right buttock, which made her squeal louder and bite the pillow.

You squeezed both of her ass cheeks with her hands and let your head fall back with your eyes closed because of how good it felt to fuck her tight pussy like that. Your hands went to her waist again, and she buried the side of her face back into the pillow as you brought her to a third orgasm.

Another spank on her right buttock, your hand marked in red on her skin, and then another spank with a changed hand, this time on her left buttock. Dani screamed against the pillow, and after a few seconds of intense thrusts she came again. You slowed your pumps considerably, watching as her slim body shook and her hips made her fuck herself against your cock.

"Here I fucking come..." you warned, feeling yourself reaching your peak again without her even having completely overcome her orgasm. You grabbed a handful of her long, silky brown hair and pulled it back as you gave a sharp thrust forward, exploding violently inside her pussy, "double kill," you whispered in her ear, unloading all your cum inside her tight walls.

"Fuck..." she moaned once you let go of her hair and let her fall back onto the pillow, "it feels so warm and thick inside me... I love it," she sighed with heavy breathing.

"Consider it a way for me to mark my territory," you smiled, and then you pulled out of her pussy to lie down next to her and start filling her back, shoulders, and neck with small, loving kisses. You helped her and were patient while she recovered, stroking her soft hair and placing more kisses all over her face.

"So double kill huh?" She giggled seeing you and standing up to go to her coat, she picked it up off the floor and searched in one of her pockets. She pulled out two things, her phone, which she distracted herself with by typing for a few seconds, and a small bottle of lub, "get ready for baron then," she tossed the little bottle to you.

There was no doubt in your mind what exactly she meant when she said that, but when she got back on the bed, she got back on her hands and knees, spread her ass for you, and looked at you with the same lascivious look she had given you that night on the video call, you knew exactly what she wanted.

"You're a very naughty girl, huh?" You teased, kneeling again behind her and pouring some lub on your fingers to start playing with her butthole, rubbing it and then taking them inside her little by little. She didn't have time to answer you while you used your fingers to slowly open her tight ass, pumping slowly with your wrist until you took them completely inside her, only leaving your knuckles outside. That was enough to drive you to full hardness again.

"Come on baby, I'm ready for you to gank my ass," she moaned looking at you over her shoulder, "put that cock in, I need it!"

You took the lub again, this time to pour it over your cock and spread a considerable amount over it, to leave it very slippery and shiny. Once ready you capped the bottle, tossed it to the side and took your shaft in one hand to guide it to her butthole. You made slow, steady pressure forward, taking your first few inches inside and moaning as you felt her walls stretch around you. She wasn't even able to moan, she had her mouth permanently open in an O, her nails digging into the pillow and her eyebrows furrowed as she watched you. At first it was somewhat suffocating, but as soon as your entire cock had disappeared between her buttocks it was easy for you to gradually get into the rhythm.

You left one hand on her waist, and began to move slowly knowing that she was still struggling to get used to your length inside her inexperienced ass. Finally she started moaning like she normally did, that's when you realized how much she was really enjoying it, but with every thrust you gave her moans became louder and louder, leading you to think that she enjoyed having her ass fucked much more than she could have expected.

The pace gradually increased, you took your cock as far in and out as you could, making sure every inch of her felt absolutely every inch of your cock as you fucked her ass between moans and loud sounds of flesh slapping against flesh.

"Why do I feel like you're enjoying it more than your pussy?" You groaned somewhat exhausted already, but not the least bit willing to stop.

"Because I am!! Fuck!!" she squealed in response, she brushed all her hair past one of her shoulders and looked at you over her shoulder, you could only see her milky naked back as you fucked her ass so hard you felt like you were going to break her in two.

"Then show me how much you're enjoying it honey, but I want to look into your eyes," you pulled out of her ass and turned her roughly onto her back, you grabbed both of her legs and spread them wide open, you looked into her eyes, and you went back inside her ass with a single push.

"Oh ffuuuuuck!!!" she grunted with her eyes watering, arching her back as you resumed your powerful, violent thrusts in and out of her ass, "don't stop please!! it feels so fucking amazing!!"

"And it will feel even better honey," you assured, leaning forward to kiss her long neck and down to her small tits, which for the first time you brought to your mouth to lick and kiss her nipples again and again.

Certainly she began to enjoy it much more, she hugged your neck and pushed you hard towards her tits, forcing you to continue eating them while you fucked her ass without mercy. Her beautiful moans were like music to your ears, and between both stimuli she soon came in the most intense, violent and energetic way so far. Her entire body seemed to be being electrocuted, even her eyes were rolled back as the spasms attacked her without any warning.

The way the walls of her butthole tightened around your cock made you moan against her tits, and even though she had already drained you three times that night, you were able to release one last load for her nside her ass. You released yourself from her arms, and this time you muffled your moans against her lips as you shot ribbons of hot liquid into her.

"Mmm… triple kill," you whispered against her lips, and neither you nor she could help but laugh.

"God, we're so stupid," she laughed, hugging you, placing kisses on your temple. You could feel her chest rising and falling abruptly.

"I didn't think you would enjoy being fucked in the ass so much," you said still inside her. You gave her a little kiss on her lips.

"Me neither, but I think I just found a great new kink," she giggled, biting her lower lip, "hey, you're not planning on staying inside me all night are you?"

"As much as I want to, no," you laughed, and slowly pulled out of her ass, and as if it were a plug, your cum began to flow freely out of it and onto the sheets, "I'll go find something to clean you up."

You got out of bed and went to the bathroom to get a roll of toilet paper, you came back with Dani, and while she was still with her legs open, waiting patiently for you, you began to clean her carefully, putting special emphasis on the stained sheets.

"We can ask for new sheets, right?" she asked.

"Of course, but for now let's get some rest honey," you said with a sigh, leaving the roll of toilet paper on the nightstand to lie down on the pillow. She joined you right away, but she climbed completely on top of you, clinging with her thighs to your torso and leaving her head resting against your neck, you wrapped your arms around her and snuggled her against you, resting for a few minutes in that the peace you felt was completely unbreakable.

Until you heard several loud knocks against the door.

Your heart began to beat fast and strong, and you could feel your entire soul escaping from your body thinking that you had been caught. But Dani didn't seem scared like you, in fact, when she heard her knocking she raised her head excitedly and put on the tight tank top she was originally wearing. You frowned, confused since you didn't know what was happening. It was when Dani opened the door and stepped outside that everything became clear to you.

"Damn, why are you so sexy and disheveled?" You heard a girl say, "I'm late, right?"

"No, you're actually right on time unnie," Dani said, and when she walked back into the room she walked in with none other than Kim Minji herself. Looking as beautiful and inexplicably ethereal as ever. She was wearing a semi-transparent black blouse, flared jeans, and sandals. She was also carrying a backpack.

"May I know what the hell is going on?" you asked, covered up to your neck with the blanket in a rather funny way as you watched them. They both had a wicked smile on their faces as Dani closed the door.

"Well... Unnie's been trying to show me something for a while now," Dani began to explain to you, "but she thought it would be best to just bring her along too."

Just then Minji took the backpack off her shoulder, set it down and took out some long ropes from it.

"Tell me, are you ready to do some crafts, cutie?" Minji asked you, watching you with a raised eyebrow as she pulled the ropes onto the bed. You, without taking your eyes off her for a moment, got out from under the blanket to reach the room's phone and call reception.

"Hello? Yes... I would like to book one more night," you began.

"Mmm, better make it two," Minji ordered.

"Ah... yes," you nodded, "two more nights... thank you miss."

—---------------------------

Spren Notes: Well, there's Dani's first smut, with some more to come👽 And again, sorry for the cheesy LoL jokes lmao.

#newjeans smut #danielle smut #smut #kpop smut #fanfic #smut fanfic #x male reader smut #male reader #x male smut #x male reader

[cinnamoneve]

𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐩𝐡𝐨𝐛𝐢𝐚.

atelophobia \ əˌtɛləˈfəʊbɪə \ (n.) - the fear of imperfection of not being good enough.

❆ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: gojo satoru x gn!reader ❆ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: satoru's been valued only what he could offer others, until he met you. ❆ 𝐰𝐜: 1.3k ❆ 𝐚/𝐧: more of a self indulgent character study to get back into the swing of writing !!! pls enjoy <3 ❆ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: none :3

satoru gojo held many roles and titles in his life. he was a son, a sorcerer, teacher, role model, a special grade, the honored one, the strongest. the strongest. whatever that was supposed to mean.

he knew what it meant, sure, but the lines were blurred a bit around the parameters of what exactly his role was. he was satoru, gojo-san, gojo-sensei, and whatever sweet term of endearment you thought up for him. between that, satoru’s identity and purpose got muddled as the titles and meaning were ever-changing.

he didn’t feel a certain way about any of it, really. or so he thought. the one accolade satoru couldn't claim was being totally indifferent.

you almost admired that aspect of him. how his nose scrunched up when something he eats tastes off, how he played with his blindfold when he needed to get something off his chest. or maybe, it was the way his eyebrow twitched ever-so-slightly if you pronounce a word in a funny way. there is no subtle, subdued, or nonchalant bone in your boyfriend’s body. everything on his mind was said before his mouth even opened.

because of that, you knew satoru was happy to be home by the way he refused to leave your side. it’s rare he gets a decent break like this; his students had a week-long retreat in kyoto that he’d meet them at eventually. for now, he had some small ends to tie up on the homefront that he was dragging out so he could stay a bit longer with you.

satoru sat on the edge of the empty bath, admiring you as you did your skincare at the vanity. if his legs weren’t long enough to touch the ground, you imagined he’d be swinging them back and forth as he gushed about his students.

“...and maki beat mai in a one-on-one. again.”

you rolled your eyes as you clipped hair away from your forehead, “even i could’ve predicted that.”

“i don’t know why those two always find each other if they’ve got such a grudge,” 

you patted your face dry.

“it must be a sister thing,” you chuckled.

“something like that, i guess,”

“you’re not upset you’re missing it?”

satoru studied you in silence as he let the question linger a bit more. part of him was. maybe more than just part of him. he let out a hum as he thought about it.

“not really,” he concluded, “i want to be here,”

you smiled at him through the mirror as you caught his eyes. 

“it’s okay to be both, babe. be as selfish as you want,”

was it really okay for him to be selfish? nobody had ever told him before that the choice was his. even if it always was.

satoru had spent a lot of time being what other people said he should be. unfortunately, most aspects of his personality and day-to-day life were not decided by him. maybe it was atonement for the way he acts. could it be his fault? is it punishment for the gift he didn’t ask for? it’d be rich to still call it a gift. it was more like a plague, or a curse. something he had to bear and live with, master and hone. 

it was admired, it was hated. it controlled him, he controlled it.

everything he was, fundamentally, came from what he could provide.

satoru didn’t realize how exhausting it was until you came along and shared the burden with him. silently, lovingly, and effortlessly. maybe he was a little selfish. was it selfish to miss his kids in kyoto while having the love of his life in front of him? or maybe it was selfish to relish in the time at home and drag it out for one more minute with you.

being in between is lonely. 

but the loneliness will pass, just like time always does anyway. and being lonely with you is still being with you in the first place.

satoru sank into the empty bath, letting his body fold as he lay across the width of it. he sighs heavily and smiles, closing his eyes. his drama was unsurprising–all you can do is shake your head and take his place on the edge of the bath.

he peers up at you.

“selfish, huh?” 

you place your hand on his knee, thumbing over where it bends as a way to soothe him.

“mhm, why not?”

satoru tilted his head back, just barely, looking up at the bathroom fan as he tried to think about what to say next.

“i’d like to stay like this for a bit longer,”

you smile warmly at him.

“in the bath? clothed like this?”

it wasn’t about the empty bath. or the clothes he was wearing. just like how it wasn’t about him learning about your skincare routine. it was never about the stories of his students, or the way you always checked in on megumi. nor was it about how you took all of his clothes when you were cold, knew how he liked his coffee in the morning, or the way he made sure the bed was nice and warm before you joined him there.

it was so much more in so much less. in his worst moments, he was in a warm bed with you, hearing you talk about your refreshingly mundane day as you drew a nonsensical pattern on his chest.

everything he was came from what he could provide, right? that’s how it always was.

what he inherited preceded his name, his personality, and everything nuanced about him. nearly everyone in his life cared more about his ability than anything else about him. he’s convinced people knew his technique more than they knew his favorite color. the music he liked. his favorite food. trivial things overshadowed by what he could provide. 

but the only thing he had to provide to you was love.

to you, who he was came from what he could provide. and that was pure, warm love.

he was matching pajamas, two cups of coffee waiting to be filled, two toothbrushes sitting together on the counter. he was the seat warmer that he always turned on for you when you rode in the passenger seat, along with the playlist he made with songs you listened to together.

it was refreshing. 

with you, he wasn’t satoru gojo. not the strongest, not gojo-sensei, not a special grade sorcerer. 

he was him. and it was always enough for you. 

satoru when you were doubled over from another lame joke he told, begging him to stop making you laugh so hard.

baby when he had a particularly hard day at work, holding onto your body on the couch like detaching from it would kill him.

sweetie when he was being ridiculous, dramatic, and over-the-top, watching a smile tug at your lips as he intentionally got on your nerves when you tried to hide it.

honey when you didn’t feel well, and he got to spoil you more than you’d ever let him before.

among a million other things. but never what you expected of him. 

most importantly, and his favorite, was when you called him love. is that what you really saw him as? it made him melt. the jujutsu world hardened him, but you turned a blind eye to that. it was enough to make him fall in love every day all over again.

what a privilege, he thought, to be so calloused and still love.

“yeah, in the bath like this,” he muttered.

you slid in next to him, folding your body too so the two of you were sitting in the cold, empty bath with your legs sticking out of the side.

“well, i’ll join you then, love”

there it was. he hummed contently. 

satoru felt like for a majority of his life, he felt like he had to search for his other half. seemingly, he was whole all along.

all content © cinnamoneve 2024. do not repost, modify, steal, or copy without permission.

#gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru #jjk x reader #★ jujutsu kaisen #jjk fluff #gojou satoru x reader #⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ satoneve #jjk gojo #gojo x y/n #jujutsu gojo #gojo x reader #satoru gojo #gojo headcanons #gojo fluff #gojo satoru fluff #jjk headcanons #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x you #jjk x y/n

[blughxreader]

hi! i dont think i can ever get enough of yan! platonic! Batfam 🥲 can i get a neglected reader who has successfully escaped, only to come back to gotham by some unprecedented causes a few years later? i have plans to write a fic like this and want some inspiration (and to fill the yandere batfam tag)

Platonic Yandere!Bruce, Dick, Jason with a darling who escaped and returned to Gotham

Headcanons, WC: 1,048

Notes: SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! This ask is five months old lol. I had to cut out the baby boys to finish </3 If I can come up with ideas for Damian and Tim then I'll add to it.

Bruce

The weight of Bruce’s mistakes hangs over his head every day, but his mistakes with you are by-far the heaviest.

He should have appreciated you more. He should have told you what you meant to him. Instead, he let you feel invisible. It kills him.

When you’re spotted in Gotham years later, he can hardly believe it.

He’ll drop everything and go straight to you, deploying all the boys to ensure you don’t slip away. If it’s daytime, Bruce Wayne will make a rare appearance and corner you with paparazzi, and if it’s nighttime, then Batman will swipe you off the streets before you can cry out.

He’ll forgive every outburst you give. You’re furious and he understands—he considers your anger entirely his fault so he’ll give you a lot of slack.

Bruce will drown you in gifts. Because Batman takes up so much time (and it was lack of attention that drove you away in the first place) he’ll try every means at demonstrating his love. Gifts, vacation homes, front row seats to events (with strict supervision).

This version of Bruce would keep you under 50 cameras and a body guard at all times, but he’s also very conscious of your mental health. Where he’d be able to guiltlessly lock you up forever if he hasn’t neglected you, he can’t in this timeline. Your life would be heavily supervised, but you’d also get a lot of perks.

He would make a routine with you.

Every morning, he’d eat breakfast with you, and every Friday would be a special dinner with just the two of you. His hours are valuable so it means a lot for him to carve out the time just for you.

Dick Grayson

Dick prides himself on his strong leadership and generosity. Ask anyone whose ever met Dick to describe him, and they could list pages of positive traits. So it's a wonder how you, his precious little darling, managed to be overlooked by him.

Guilt literally eats him alive. Dick begins to second-guess every interaction with you, going over all clues he might have missed. He throws himself into the investigation looking for you, investigating every single fact you've ever mentioned about yourself.

When you finally return, he's dead-set on making up for lost time.

Dick wouldn’t approve of your reasoning for leaving. You should have told him--should have insisted on being heard--instead of leaving. He feels terrible that you were neglected, but he feels worse knowing that you’d rather be thrown to the wolves than seek their help.

It's a steep learning curve for him to realize you're not the lonely child you once were, but instead a bitter, jaded young adult who confides in only themself.

Dick drowns you in attention. He tries forcing your innocence back, not accepting your refusals and anger. You're still so young, and even if the sparkling child-like hope is missing from your eyes, Dick still believes he can make things right.

Family bonding time is a must. He arranges play-time with you and Damian. He insists on Sunday movie nights. He learns how to cook new dishes with you and Alfred. He will keep you busy.

These activities are only a surface solution for a deeper problem. Fundamentally, you've changed, and Dick knows this. He has no idea how to treat you now, so he resorts to what he does know--your childhood he missed out on.

Jason Todd

Jason is particularly torn. He knows what its like to feel abandoned, yet he realized too late that he was the perpetrator.

When you are finally back in the arms of the Batfamily, Jason has no idea what role to take in your life. He sees you turning down the family when they offer love and he doesn't know if his heart could take your rejection.

Jason is stand-offish. Playing the role of "tough older brother" doesn't bode well, so he needs time to rework his philosophy on handling siblings.

Instead, he does your bidding. He would help fix whatever unprecedented reasons that led you to return to Gotham, no questions asked. If you need to pass a letter on to a friend, Jason is your guy. His regular possessive yandere tendencies are hampered by his guilt, so he'll be very lenient with you as long as it's nothing dangerous.

The fact that you escape and survived by yourself cast you into a new light in Jason’s eyes. He thinks you’re impressive, dependable, capable. He wonders how he didn’t see it sooner.

That being said—you’re his little sibling. You shouldn’t have to be so strong, and Jason wants to ensure you’ll never have another reason to protect yourself.

He hopes that over time, you'll trust him. He wants to be able to sit with you and talk about whatever is on your mind, to be able to hug you as he leaves for work, and to send you off to bed when it's late.

But right now, you need space. He'll let you heal, and he'll take whatever anger you give him. Because he knows that this is the only way you'll let him into your life again.

Bonus: Y/N

Considering Y/N was clever enough to escape the Waynes while also having the willpower to return to Gotham shows that they’re intelligent, good-hearted, and forged from steel.

They probably rank somewhere between lawful-good to chaotic-neutral. (A lawful-neutral would be infuriated by the Waynes’ underhanded tactics, and probably wouldn’t return to Gotham.)

Y/N is done yearning for attention (or, if they were originally kidnapped, done with playing nice), so they’re immune to the Batfam’s manipulation.

Upon first glance at the Batfam after all those years, they’d immediately go fight or flight. Y/N would pull every dirty trick in the book to escape, and would be as hateful as possible to kill any affection they have for them.

After being kidnapped, Y/N gets very good at playing mind games and deflecting their submission tactics. They’d be able to manipulate the household like a giant game of chess.

Y/N’s only weakness is the child inside of them that still cries for their family’s approval.

The conflict revolves around how the Batfam can extort this weakness vs. how well Y/N can stay true to their values.

#batfam x reader #yandere x reader #platonic yandere batfam #yandere batfam #platonic yandere #platonic yandere batfam x reader #yandere batfam x reader #yandere jason todd #yandere dick grayson #yandere batman #yandere bruce waybe #dick grayson x reader #platonic yandere batman #jason todd x reader #bruce wayne x reader #yandere imagines #yandere scenarios

[myosotisa]

Like Real People Do - e.m.

Part 2/2 - What did you bury?

ǁ  summary: After your altercation with Eddie, you find yourself facing a lot of questions and uncertainty. Attempting to look closer at why you're in rehab, how you feel about him, and what the future holds for you feels like more than you're willing to take on until you realize it's only hurting you more not to.

ǁ  tags: angst, hurt/comfort, heavy themes. depictions of inpatient rehab in the 90s. implied fem!Reader, no pronouns used, no y/n. strangers to reluctant acquaintances to lovers. happy ending!

ǁ  content warning: both parts will contain mentions of drug use, struggling with addiction, self worth, society's view on drug users, grief, and death by drug overdose. brief mention of domestic violence and drug assisted disordered eating. please consume thoughtfully and if you have any questions before reading, feel free to message me.

ǁ  word count: 12k

ǁ  Part 1 ǁ  Read on AO3 ǁ

It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people. ― Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

You’re sitting on an examination table in the hospital wing in a paper gown with Dr. Lincoln fluttering around you like a nervous mother. Penelope had taken you right here after you had gotten all of the dirt off of your hands and pants, explaining Mr. Ford and Dr. Lincoln insisted on seeing you. Despite your assurances that you were completely fine, just shaken up, they had gotten you into a gown and prepared for a full exam.

“Are you able to lift your arms above your head?”

You do as asked, face stoic despite the pain in your shoulders from the movement.

“How about twisting? Carefully! How does that feel on your lower back?”

Performing the action, you also easily hide the discomfort the throbbing in your tailbone causes when you shift in your seat. “It feels fine.”

“And your head? You didn’t hit it? Does it hurt? Blurry vision, nausea, confusion?”

“No,” you sigh out, quickly losing patience with Dr. Lincoln’s anxious questioning. You can’t remember now if he was like this when you were first admitted or if he’s going overboard now because he’s worried about some kind of lawsuit. “I told you, I’m fine.”

He plucks your chart off the edge of the table, pen clicking as he begins to write furious lines along the bottom of the page. “I can give you some ibuprofen for the pain. Nothing stronger than that, of course. Given the circumstances.”

A deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. “I don’t want anything. It doesn’t hurt.”

Liar.

Penelope steps up from where she was having a hushed discussion with Mr. Ford off to the side. “Are you sure? It looked like quite the fall.”

“I’m sure. I don’t want any painkillers.”

This pain is good. I need it. I deserve it.

Mr. Richard Ford steps up then – a severe looking man in his late 50s, always dressed in a freshly pressed suit and tie, with his hair combed just so and his mustache neatly trimmed across his upper lip. You’re still not sure if he’s related to the Ford’s that founded the facility or if it’s just a coincidence that he shares the surname.

His dress shoes click across the tiles as he approaches you, throat clearing uncomfortably when he enters the circle that has formed around the table. “Miss…” He looks down at your file and repeats your last name like he’s never read it before, earning him a cold glare from Penelope. “I am deeply sorry for what occurred. I assure you we don’t tolerate that kind of behavior here.” He adjusts his tie along with his posture, looking proud as he explains, “We’re already in the process of having Mr. Munson transferred to another facility.”

A lick of panic rockets up your spine. “No.” 3 sets of eyes lock on you, emotions ranging from curious to concerned. “You don’t have to do that.” Your fingers curl into fists where they sit on your thighs before relaxing, taking some of the tension in your body with it. “I don’t want you to transfer him.”

He seems to hesitate then, bushy eyebrows drawing together on his wrinkled forehead. “Are you positive? It’s important to us that you feel safe here.”

“I do feel safe here,” you press, looking back and forth between the three of them before settling on Penelope. “It was an accident. Eddie’s barely into his detox – barely started therapy – and I should’ve known better than to get into an argument with him.” Her face remains passive, unreadable. No insight into how she feels about what you’re saying. “It’s my fault as much as his. It wouldn’t be fair to move him, not when he’s struggling this much, this early into his treatment. I don’t want him moved.”

“That’s very kind of you, but you should be more concerned about yourself.” Dr. Lincoln takes a small step forward, adjusting the collar of your gown to take another look at the quickly forming bruises near your collarbone. “You’re not worried about something like this happening again with him, maybe even worse?”

You think back to the moment you hit the ground. Looking up at him, silhouetted by the bright afternoon sun, leaving almost all of him cast in shadow. The way he looked utterly terrified at what he’d done. How quickly he had tried to apologize when he came back to himself.

Potentially evil. Potentially good, too, I suppose. Just this huge powerful potentiality waiting to be shaped.

“No, it’s fi–” Hazel eyes narrow into a squint, stopping your sentence in its tracks. Another deep breath, in and out, and you try again. “I’m not worried. He won’t do something like this again. I want him to stay.”

A few moments of silence follows your declaration, Mr. Ford and Dr. Lincoln glancing at each other before looking to Penelope. Her calculating gaze remains on you, entirely unwavering even as the other two stare holes into the sides of her face. For the first time, you make a conscious effort to keep eye contact, to remain firm despite your desire to shy away.

The corner of her mouth lifts almost imperceptibly in response.

“Then that settles it.” She clasps her hands together in front of her stomach, looking back and forth between the men beside her with a placating smile. “Mr. Munson will stay, pending further transgressions.”

Your shoulders sag in a relief you hadn’t anticipated feeling, but you’re quick to straighten when she addresses you again. “Any other incidents, with you or any other resident, and he will be moved to another facility. Understood?”

It feels like a lifeline. Like a chance. Like an opportunity.

If you want him here, then help him stay.

“Understood.”

The next morning when you walk out for breakfast at 8:30 sharp, there’s something sitting on your table. It strikes you as odd immediately given you’re one of the first people out of your room today and there doesn’t seem to be anyone milling around. You withhold your curiosity – follow the same pattern of line, meds, line, breakfast. Stamp down the nervous feeling in your gut as you cautiously approach.

Completely dusted free of dirt and with your bookmark perfectly in place, is Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch. It had completely slipped your mind that you’d even dropped it. You place down your tray with shaky hands and pick it up, flipping through the pages like you’re checking it for wounds. There’s no note, no sign, nothing that could indicate who brought it back for you.

But you know who. It scares you half to death that you know just who, that you know it with certainty.

When is the last time anything felt certain?

The question lingers, festers, and grows as you push around your food and wait for him to plop down in front of you. Imagining what stupid thing he might say, how you would brush it off with a groan and a snarky comment, how he would take that reaction with a smile and never press for more. 

He never shows.

It’s with great annoyance that you find yourself looking for him all day. Sitting in your chair by the window, you glance up every half a page to see if you can catch a glimpse of his shaggy hair around the hall. You actually take a walk during your outside time instead of hiding, and you tell yourself it’s because you want the exercise and it’s finally cool enough outside to not sweat your balls off, but that doesn’t exactly account for the way your eyes search the grounds for any sign of tattooed forearms and lanky legs.

When you walk into Therapy House with the others that afternoon, Eddie is already inside. He’s in the chair beside Penelope, slumped down so far most of his ass is hanging off the edge, legs out long, and looking every bit a kicked puppy. You silently beg him to make eye contact with you as you sit, willing your stare into a physical sensation that might force him to just look at you.

He doesn’t look away from his own hands once, silent as a mouse the entire session.

The moment group is over and the counselors come around to collect their first resident of the day, you’re walking across the sunbathed birch wood floors and stopping short just behind him before you can even think about it.

“Eddie,” it comes out as a sigh, eyes pinned to the way his shoulder blades tense before your very eyes, “I haven’t seen you all day.”

“I’ve, uh… Been in here, for the most part,” he explains over his shoulder, still not turning to face you. His voice is hoarse around the edges, ragged and torn from overuse.

“Oh, okay.” Your face pinches in concern, hand raising like you want to reach out to him but hesitating there. “About… about yesterday–”

“Sorry,” he cuts you off sharply, turning halfway toward you with red-rimmed eyes still trained on the floor, “I’ve gotta go.”

He’s halfway across the room and climbing up the stairs to the lofts two at a time before you can say another word.

The image of the swollen redness around his teary eyes, half covered by his hair as he refuses to look at you for even a moment, haunts you for the rest of the week.

“So, how are you feeling today?”

Penelope is dressed in a teal silk blouse. It washes out her skin tone and the boat neckline makes her shoulders look too small. Not to mention the strange height of the cinch just below her bust, giving it the appearance of a child’s nightgown. Plainly, it looks really bad on her. All of her clothes are carefully curated and fashion forward – meant to make a statement about who she is and the authority she holds. This is absolutely not making that statement. And you were staring at it for all of group, trying to wrap your head around what it meant.

“Who gave you that shirt?”

This might be the first time she’s ever looked even half surprised at something you’ve said, her lips parting slightly as she glances down at her chest like she had forgotten what she was wearing. “I’m not sure what you mean,” she looks back at you, passive expression back in place.

“You would’ve never bought it, I’m surprised you’re allowing yourself to be seen in it,” you continue, eyes narrowing into a squint as you continue to search it and her for clues. “The fact that you’re wearing it makes me think someone gave it to you and you’re going to see them today, so you felt obligated to wear it to please them. Maybe one of your parents or a sibling or a friend… A partner?”

She uncrosses her legs just to recross in the other direction, attempting to appear amused as you explain. Gotcha.

“A partner, then. One who obviously doesn’t know you very well, or doesn’t understand fashion at all, because the color is god awful and the shape even worse. But you want to impress them enough that you’re willing to wear it anyway.”

If it was an after work date, she would’ve changed after. So it’s someone she would mostly see during her normal day. Plus, she lives and breathes her job, when would she have had time to meet someone?

“I didn’t realize you paid that much attention to what I wear… Or that you were so into fashion,” she offers casually. Too casually to play off.

A bit too sharp, a bit too pointed, you snap back. “I’m not into fashion and you’re deflecting.”

She blinks at you for a few moments before she settles back into her chair, draping her arms over her stomach. “And you’re projecting.”

“No, I’m not,” and it comes out defensive. Too defensive to play off.

So then the quiet kicks in. Queen Penelope Windsor’s beloved uncomfortable silence. Part of you is convinced one of her professors taught her that awkward silence is an invaluable tool in psychiatry. You want to know who that professor is, so you can inform them how utterly wrong they are.

Penelope is, however, utterly right.

“I’m projecting,” you concede, gaze casting down to your lap to settle into the discomfort.

Her pen clicks and it feels like salt in your wound. “Okay then. Would you like to talk about what you’re avoiding?”

And maybe you’re not quite done being snarky when you reply, “Isn’t the whole point of deflecting because you don’t want to talk about it?”

“It can be. But I still would like to give you the opportunity to. You never know, it might help you feel better.”

Your eyes roll hard enough to just see white for a moment, looking off to the stupid little white noise machine in the corner. It’s the size of a radio clock and sits directly on the floor by the door – you’ve almost tripped on it 10 times.

Probably an accessibility hazard. Someone should really complain about that. If someone less coordinated, or even Thomas with his cane, tried to walk in they could really get hurt.

“Fuck!” The exclamation comes from nowhere, probably just barely loud enough to draw attention from outside the room. Penelope remains incredibly passive despite the sudden change in your attitude, not making a move or a sound as you bury your face in your hands with your elbows propped on your thighs.

Probably just interrupted other therapy sessions. Made them lose track of what they are talking about. Maybe even triggered someone unintentionally with your sudden yell. Great job, idiot.

Digging your nails into the skin along your hairline, you take in a hissing breath through your teeth and attempt to exhale some of the tension. It’s been weaving through your muscles all week, infecting all of your time, distracting you at all hours of the day. A part of you hoped it was just another phase in recovery but it just keeps getting worse and worse.

Penelope’s voice is softer when she speaks next, more cautious. “Can you tell me what you’re thinking about right now that’s distressing you?”

“It’s the fact that I’m fucking thinking that’s distressing me.”

Realizing that probably doesn’t help at all, and most likely makes you sound insane, you release your hands to clasp tightly in your lap as you raise your head to look at her again. “I can’t stop thinking. I can’t stop noticing everything. I can’t stop.”

“Okay,” she gives a small nod of encouragement, sliding her notebook further into her lap to focus more attention on you. “What are you thinking about?”

“Everything. Your shirt and the noise machine and how someone could trip on it and hurt themselves. And how we are required to have 1 hour outside a day but half of us sit in the shade the entire time because it’s too hot or we don’t want to get sunburnt, and they aren’t exactly going to start stocking sunscreen and ointment just to facilitate 60 minutes in the sun. I’m thinking about how I finally figured out that there’s a different cook on the weekends and that’s why the stupid scrambled eggs they make us every day are oversalted Friday through Sunday and undersalted all the other days. I’m thinking about how all of the books in the library used to have an organization system but no one takes care of it – so all the books are all in the wrong places and now I feel like I have to take some of my free time to fix it because I know nobody else will, even though I can’t figure out why I fucking care so much. I’m thinking about how you asked me to help Eddie so he could stay here in recovery and I want to do that because he latched on to me when he first got here and now I suddenly feel responsible for him, even though I didn’t even like the guy at first, and now he won’t even fucking talk to me so I can’t do that.”

You inhale sharply, talking way too fast but unable to stop. “I’m thinking about how this facility is built to house 50 people or more but only gets one new resident a month, maybe two. So why is it so big? Why not bring in more people? Probably because they’re only accepting the people willing to turn out their wallets in order to get help or because they know someone who will so then all the people who really need help are left to fucking die under highways and in abandoned buildings because if they don’t have money, they don’t fucking mean anything to anyone. But for some reason I still care about that and feel bad about it and feel responsible for it even though there is literally nothing I could possibly do to change any of it.”

Another heaving breath that makes your chest feel too tight and you’re squeezing your eyes shut against the brunt of the pressure. “I can’t stop thinking about everything and I feel like it’s fucking crushing me and I just want something to turn my brain off – but that’s the entire fucking reason I’m here in the first place. I started using because I just wanted something to numb it all.”

The admission feels like a slap across the face. Like being dunked head first in ice water. The reality of where you started. 

The sprawling, trembling fault line that led you here – to where the tectonic plates move and shift. Where the earthquakes, that used to feel like subtle vibration in the dirt beneath your feet, now knock you to the ground with ease. Standing on the edge of the chasm between that you’re still not ready to cross.

Because what’s on the other side?

And what if I fall through?

The next week of your life passes in a sort-of overwhelmed daze. The realization of that pit before you– what it means, what it could do. It hangs around like a spirit haunting your home. It’s always been there, you just couldn’t see it, too focused on your own feet and keeping them moving to see anything beyond the inches of ground in front of you.

Now, the inches of ground before you are darkness. Unfathomably deep and impenetrably dark. And on the other side, there’s sun. Grass. Trees.

Shouldn’t I want to get there? Shouldn’t I be excited to jump?

The questions follow you through your days on autopilot as you keep to your schedule.

On the two week anniversary of your argument with Eddie, Penelope announces that, instead of talking in a circle for group today, she’ll be pairing you off into partners to play games. Trust exercises, she assures you when you all look at each other like she’s lost her mind. It wasn’t the first time she had used her slot of time to do some kind of activity – but it hadn’t been something like this.

And really you should have seen it coming.

Because Queen Penelope, in her oh so infinite wisdom, points you and Eddie to a pair of chairs facing each other below the skylight. While Eddie shows little to no reaction as he shuffles over, you cast a pleading look at her. Hoping to get across some of the betrayal you’re feeling in your eyes.

She just smiles. Meets you with silence before shuffling around the other pairs of residents throughout the room.

When you sit down on the metal folding chair across from him, you get your first good look since the day after you’d argued. The last few times you’d seen him, he looked no better than a zombie – half awake and half asleep as he went through his days. He’d kept quiet for the most part in group, only adding in a sentence or two at times, and left his 1 on 1 session in the lofts with red rimmed eyes and looking about ready to pass out. But he’d also gotten into the habit of playing cards most days with his roommate, Howard. And while you couldn’t imagine the gruff old man of few words was very good company to keep, sometimes you could have sworn you’d look over and see them smiling.

Maybe it was just wishful thinking.

The both of you wordlessly adjust on the seats, warmed by the sunshine filtering through the circular window overhead. Penelope had placed the chairs close enough together that, with his long legs, you both accidentally kept knocking knees. The third time, you muttered, “Sorry,” which brought a small smile to his face.

He ends up with his knees splayed wide, hands resting on his thighs, while you bring your knees in tight together, propping your feet up on the bar beneath your chair as you settle into soft tapping of your fingertips near your knees. Beyond your apology, neither of you say a word or make any eye contact as you watch Penelope and wait for instruction.

“So, the aim of the exercise is simple,” she explains, projecting her voice slightly as her heels click along the wood, “it’s a question and answer. Going back and forth to learn more about each other, being as honest as you’re comfortable being. This is not supposed to be something that causes you intense distress. But don’t be afraid to lean into some discomfort if you feel it. You might end up discovering something valuable about yourself.”

When you glance back at Eddie, his big brown eyes are already looking at you.

A warm feeling creeps up your spine, your fingers twitching in your lap as you adjust to the unexpected attention. His expression is pensive, gentle… Soft. He doesn’t look mad, or hurt, or upset. He’s looking at you like he’s happy you’re here – sitting across from him in the subtle heat of the sun. And while you’re glad he doesn’t seem upset to be forced to speak with you, you’re more confused than anything.

In a move that surprises even yourself, you break the silence first. “Hey.”

His chest rises in a deep inhale, shoulders and arms relaxing on the long exhale before he responds. “Hey.” You offer a small, slightly awkward smile, and he mirrors it as you adjust to tuck your hands under your thighs, bringing your shoulders slightly forward. “I wanted to apologize.”

Blinking at him a few times, you manage an unsure, “Oh?”

“You were right,” he sighs, hands coming together over his abdomen to fiddle with his own fingers. “I… I needed a wakeup call. Some sense knocked into me.” The corners of his eyes pinch up in pain before he returns your eye contact again. “I’m just really, really sorry it came from hurting you.”

“You didn’t hurt me,” you rush to try to assure him, pushing away the ache of the bruises that have faded from your tailbone, “I was more just shocked than anything.”

He winces, forefinger and thumb pinching some skin between his nails. “I appreciate you saying so, but you don’t have to sugarcoat it for me.” His eyes cast down to your knees before he continues, “I know what a push like that can do.”

Unsure exactly how to take that statement, mind absolutely swirling with possible solutions, you swallow dryly and offer an, “Okay.”

Tense silence falls back over you both, the murmured conversations of other residents echoing throughout the open space into a white noise of unintelligible words. You sit and you wait as Eddie rubs the pads of his thumbs together, lower lip drawing up between his teeth as he continues to stare at your knees. He looks deep in thought – eyebrows twitching together a few times before he seems to remember himself again. Adjusting to sit up straighter in his chair, one of his knees knocks against the outside of yours before he clears his throat. “What are we, uh, supposed to be doing again?”

“Asking each other questions.”

A small scoff leaves his lips in a puff of air, the corner tilting up in amusement. “Like asking what’s your favorite color and shit?”

A soft smile and a smaller shake of your head, you flex your feet to point your toes toward the floor before relaxing again. “I think it’s supposed to be more drug and rehab and therapy related shit but… She really didn’t specify.”

“Ah… A tempting loophole,” he agrees, nodding his head as if he’s really thinking about it. “But I guess we should try to do what the good therapist thinks will help us, huh?”

A wistful sigh leaves you as you roll your shoulders back to sit up straighter. “I guess so. You can start.”

“Oh, shit.” You laugh softly at the awkward face he pulls when you put him on the spot, and the sound seems to put him at ease. “Okay… Oh! I asked you a couple weeks ago what you were in for. Like what you are, were, addicted to?”

A simple enough question, you answer quickly. “Oxycodone. And Alcohol. Normally together, I guess.”

If he’s surprised by your answer, he doesn’t show it, just lets out a low whistle through the side of his mouth. “Downers and downers, huh?”

“Yup,” you confirm, pressing your lips together and offering an awkward shrug. “What about you? You’ve mentioned coke and meth before…?”

“Mostly coke, meth, and alcohol,” his head rocks slowly back and forth in a nod. “But I’ve probably done a bit of everything – ecstasy, xanax, opioids, ketamine, the works.”

“Truly a man of culture,” you attempt as a joke, and his half smile tells you that you were successful.

“You could say that. So how’d you start? Using, I mean.”

“Like, where did I get it?” He shrugs and waves for you to continue with that thought. “A friend of mine, she was already involved in… All of it. And offered to connect me.”

“A stellar friend,” is his attempt at another joke.

The statement twists in your chest painfully, the cold feeling seeping out like a wrung washcloth. A sad smile and a deep breath to try to move past it. “And you? How’d you start?”

“Are you just gonna repeat all of my questions? Feels kinda unfair.”

“I’ll come up with a new one after this. Scout’s honor.”

He snorts, cracking a smile as he shakes his head again. “I don’t think you’re allowed to use that if you’re not a boy scout, but okay.” You’re about ready to retort back that he doesn’t know that you weren’t really a boy scout, but he answers your question before you can. “I was a dealer, back in high school. After my buddy Rick got arrested, I took over the mantle. Mostly just weed to suburban kids. I had other shit but didn’t sell it often. Back then, I needed the money more than I needed to sample the merchandise so… I would only smoke weed once in a blue moon when I had the extra stock.”

“As for when I really started…” He looks back down at his hands in his lap. “Our first tour. It was hectic – fucking nuts. More than we ever thought it would be. But we were living out our dream, y’know? It was like being in a fuckin’ movie sometimes.” A small, wistful smile tilts his mouth as he recalls the memories. “We were going 24/7 between the travel and the concerts and the afterparties. At one of ‘em, someone, understandably, brought the white shit.” The knuckles in his hands momentarily turn white as he grips them together, a subtle show of tension before they relax again. “You can, uh… You probably know where it goes from there.”

“I can assume, yeah,” it comes out softer than you thought it would, affected by his vulnerability. The Eddie you met on his first day would’ve never done anything like this. Would’ve never even spoken like this. How had so much changed so quickly? How had he surpassed you?

“Okay, how about…” Like he’s trying to bring some life back into himself and you, he begins a drumming tap on his thighs, shoulders rolling forward as he applies himself to the motion. You don’t bother to try to withhold your laugh, feeling your nose crinkle with the force of it. His chin tips up towards the sun, a cheeky grin splitting to show the whites of his teeth as he starts to hum a single note out into the open space, an over dramatic representation of his thinking.

“Eddie!”

The sharp call has both of you freezing, faces dropping as you slowly turn toward where Penelope stands with her hands on her hips and a deep scowl. “A little quieter, please?”

Your lips press together tight to withhold your laugh as he offers her a sheepish smile. “Sorry.”

When he turns back to you, looking a little embarrassed and thoroughly scolded, you can stop the laugh from escaping you in a snort through your nose. “It’s not funny,” he mutters, lower lip jutting out in a pout as he crosses his arms over his chest.

“You got in trouble with mom,” you whisper yell, leaning toward him with a teasing smile. “It’s kinda funny.”

His expression breaks – smile stretching against his will as you make fun of him. “Yeah, yeah. I bet you’ve never even gotten in trouble before. Ever. At all.”

Taking it as a challenge, a single eyebrow raises as you lean back into your chair. “Is that your question?”

Intrigue showing clearly, he nods, hair shifting from behind him over his shoulders as he does so. “Sure, that feels close enough to the topic. Have you ever gotten in trouble before?”

Tapping the tip of your finger against your chin, you make a small show of trying to think about it even though you already know what you’re going to say. “Three times come to mind.”

“Three?!” He gasps, hand flying to his chest in mock drama. “Say it ain’t so.”

“First, I convinced my grandfather to buy this huge box of ice creams for dogs. He thought it was for us so, when he walked into the kitchen, and I was holding it down for my dog to lick, he immediately started to yell at me. When I told him that’s what it was meant for, I swear to god – I thought he was going to pop a fucking blood vessel he was so mad.”

Eddie snorts as he shakes his head back and forth slowly. “That would be the kind of thing you’d consider getting in trouble.”

“Hey!” You point an accusing finger at him, falling into this comfortable dynamic between the two of you. “I’m not done yet!” Putting his hands up in surrender, he mimes pulling a zipper across his mouth as he settles down to look at you again. “The second… Well, I got called to the principal's office in high school. Because,” you take a deep breath, preparing for the inevitable reaction you’ll get, “because some kids were spreading a rumor that I was sleeping with a teacher.”

This finally seems to entertain him, jaw dropping slightly as his eyes widen. “Well, did you?!”

“No!” You’re quick to deny, voice rising slightly in pitch as you do. His chin dips down, looking up through his eyelashes at you, extremely unconvinced. “I mean, I probably could have, but I didn’t want to!”

His head rocks back as another low whistle presses out of the corner of his mouth. “Wow, sunshine… Now that’s some juicy gossip. Have you mentioned that one to Melissa?”

Your foot kicks out, knocking into his shin hard enough for him to sit up straighter in surprise. “Shut it, Munson.”

“Okay, okay! Sorr-ee, geeze.” And yet he’s nothing but smiles as he returns to making eye contact with you. “And third?”

“Third was definitely drug related.” You’re quick to amend, tucking your hands back under your thighs. “I was picking up some oxy after completely running out. Desperate enough that I went to his apartment while the sun was up – which I always tried not to do.” His head dips in acknowledgment, showing he’s actively listening as you continue. “It must have been my lucky day because the bag was barely in my hand before the door slams open, police screaming his name and boots stomping inside.” Adrenaline kicking up slightly at the memory, you can vividly picture the way your skinhead dealer went deathly pale in mere seconds at the noise. “It was a good thing that I wasn’t on anything that day because before I knew it, I was out the window, down the fire escape, across the alley, and over a fence. I didn’t stop running until I ducked into a Walmart – hiding in the crowd.”

“Damn.” He sighs, looking impressed but attempting to sound disappointed. “There’s a bit of a rebel in you after all.”

And while you’re not exactly sure if it’s something to be proud of, you’re at least happy to earn his approval as you raise your chin slightly. “See? More to me than meets the eye.”

The moment between you stretches out a bit too long as he seems to appraise you, a soft smile made warmer by sparkling eyes. It takes some conscious effort not to react to his study – heart thumping hard in your chest a few times before he agrees. “Pretty metal, I’ll give you that.”

Exhaling some of the tension in your shoulders, relaxing more into your chair, you’re quick to try to move on from talking about you. “You said you were dealing because you needed the money. Were you saving up to move out or something?”

His expression shifts, smile turning awkward as he brings a hand up to hook behind his neck, bent arm laying beside his chest. “Not exactly.” Giving him your full attention and what you hope is an encouraging smile, he takes a deep breath before he begins. “I moved in with my uncle when I was a kid. My dad’s brother Wayne. My parents weren’t…” His mouth presses into a thin line as he tries to think of how to phrase it. “My dad ended up in jail and my mom didn’t have it in her to be a single mom. Hadn’t worked in a long time, didn’t have the money, all that. So she dropped me off with my uncle with a promise to try to get her life together and come back.”

The implication there is heavy enough, sorrow settling into your gut like a brick, but he still adds, “That, uh… That never happened. So it was just me and Wayne and his one bedroom trailer in a small town in Indiana.” His arm drops from his neck, hands coming together in his lap so he can fidget with his own fingers again. “He did the best he could for a guy who never expected to have a kid – more than I could ever ask for. Gave me his room, worked night shifts at the power plant to bring in cash, made sure the pantry was never empty. But it was more than that, y’know? He is… He taught me how to change the oil of my car, how to fix the little AC unit in my window, how to tie a tie.”

His lips part in a smile, his eyes far off as he tells you, “we used to play cards a lot. I swear, no one has a better poker face than Wayne. You wouldn’t guess it from the looks of him, but he used to make a killing in Texas Hold ‘em back before I came into the picture.” His face drops slightly at that, eyebrows tipping up in an emotion that he’s quick to shake off. “But he has a tell – I learned when I was 13. When he’s bluffing, he’ll do a little sniff as he’s leaning back from raising. It’s really hard to tell but it’s there.” His excitement grows again, fidgeting in his hands ceasing. “He had this crazy collection of hats and mugs, and the one time I accidentally knocked one off the shelf and it broke – man,” he exhales, shaking his head. “I thought he was gonna cry. Never that he was gonna scream or yell or try to hit me or send me away. He would just get so sad, like he was about to start tearing up, and I’d always fold – scrambling to apologize and asking what I could do to make it better.”

Brown eyes flick back up to yours, quickly followed by a dusting of pink across his cheekbones and up to the tips of his ears. As if realizing he was getting off track, he clears his throat and says, “Anyway. It was always a struggle for him to get by, having to feed a boy with the appetite of a fucking rhino and everything else on top of that. So, when I got old enough, I started looking for anything I could do to bring some cash in. To try to… I mean, I could never repay him but like, to at least try to help, y’know?” You nod, not sure if he was actually looking for confirmation but he seems to appreciate the gesture regardless. “So I was doing odd jobs and started getting involved with stuff and eventually became an errand boy to Reefer Rick. Who I took over for when he got put away.”

Sensing a pause in his story, or at least what you perceive as one, you can’t withhold your curiosity as you press for more answers. “Is Wayne still alive? Like are you two still close?”

His face falls, that heavy feeling in your gut following closely after. “He’s alive, at least, as far as I know.” His attention is off in nowhere again as he visibly shrinks back as far as he can into the metal chair. “I went back to see him a year or so ago. I wasn’t doing so hot – couldn’t seem to even get out of bed without a line. He caught on pretty quick what was going on. Got more mad than I’d ever seen him.” He swallows harshly, attempting to get rid of the lump he feels growing there. “We both said some nasty shit – how he wasn’t really my dad and didn’t know what he was talking about. And he said I was turning into my dad, that I’d never looked more like him than I did that day. I stormed out. And we haven’t talked since.”

Your heart bleeds for the defeat you can see in his expression, the pain in the way he explains. How heavy it must be for him to carry that. While your first instinct is to offer apologies and words of comfort that really won’t matter much in the end, you settle for looking to the future. “Are you gonna reach out to him again? When you get clean?”

“I…” He looks confused then, hand coming up to rub at his forehead roughly before he settles. “I guess I hadn’t really thought about it.”

Taking a deep breath of your own, you muster up some courage. “It’s not my place, at all, so feel free to tell me to fuck right off but… I feel like you should. I think he’d be happy for you.”

The sentiment rocks him – face twisting in a mix of emotions before he brings up both hands like he’s going to rub them off of his face. “Yeah, yeah, maybe.”

Silence falls, heavier like it was before. The momentary comradery falling away to reality again – two strangers trying to figure out what the hell they were doing. The tension in the air is palpable, at least to you, as he continues to stare off for another minute or two because coming back into himself.

“So…” He clears his throat, anxiously adjusting in his seat and knocking against your knee again. “What made you decide to get help?”

The million dollar question.

Another thing you feel like you should’ve seen coming, should’ve prepared for in advance. But here you are: sitting across from a stranger you feel inexplicably tied to and faced with a question you still don’t know the answer to. The question that has hung over your head for the past week and half.

Why are you trying to get better?

“Well, ending up here – like, in rehab – was easier than the alternative. So that part wasn’t hard.” The skin between his eyebrows folds as he looks at you, a bit confused but not interrupting to ask for clarification as you continue. “As for why I’m getting help…”

The rest hangs there, suspended by hesitation. Uncertainty blooms in your chest like a burst of frozen air – like blue tipped fingers gripping your heart in their fist. A threat and a warning.

Eddie hits the toe of his shoe against yours, bringing your attention back to him. “You don’t have to answer. Not if… You don’t have to.”

And the sun is shining down on him from the skylight above, casting him in a glow. A soft auburn hue shines in his wiry hair, the red undertones coming forward in the sun. He’s still pale but you can see them now – freckles across his face and the skin just beyond the collar of his shirt like a dusting of cinnamon. Brown eyes that have a bit more life in them than they did before.

There’s still a sense of frost beneath his skin, half alive and freezing like it used to be, but it’s thawing. Warming. Before your eyes and beneath the light of day, Eddie Munson was coming out of his cold shadows, one small step at a time.

“But you can't just leave it at that!" said Anathema, pushing forward. "Think of all things you could do! Good things." "Like what?"

“I guess I’m still trying to figure it out.” Out comes the honest truth. Truth he wasn’t expecting based on the way his eyebrows raise, skin wrinkling beneath his bangs. “It feels like there should be this big reason – some grand goal or something that would be a good answer in a biography. And I don’t really have one of those. Not right now.”

There’s a long pause then, like he wants to make sure you’re not going to say anything else before he replies. “I don’t think it has to be something fantastical or anything like that. Maybe it would be a better story if it was but… I dunno, I think any reason is as good as any other.”

A self-deprecating smile and joking change of tone, you ask him, “Even if my reason is just because I want to make more bad jokes that people can’t decide if they want to laugh or groan at?”

His answering smile is filled with genuine determination when he tells you, “I think that’s a fucking stellar reason, sunshine.”

Your 60th day of rehab comes with a party.

Not for you, of course. It would be a lot of resources for the center to celebrate arbitrary anniversaries like that for every resident. No, this is a graduation party. A going away party. A ‘see you never’ kind of party.

When you walk back into the main hall after group, there’s a hastily made banner hung between the nurse’s station and the kitchen that says ‘Happy Graduation Tony!’ in shades of blue and yellow, with some splashes of green mixed in. There’s a weird animal drawn on the right side that you can’t identify – but you guess it’s supposed to be a wolverine based on the ‘Go Michigan Wolverines!’ underneath in blocky text.

There are various basketball-themed party decorations scattered throughout the tables, all looking like they came from a big wholesale package of party favors. It looks alarmingly like an 8 year old’s birthday party, but Tony’s smile is brighter than you’ve ever seen it as he laughs at the attempt Kathy, Melissa, and Thomas made at decorating for him.

The University of Michigan Wolverines is his favorite college basketball team, he explains to the rest of you as you look on confused. He gives Thomas a joyful ribbing at having remembered a comment like that in passing, and Thomas’ bashful smile makes even Howard soften with fondness as you all filter in among the tables. There’s music playing – a Best of 80’s CD spinning in a shitty old speaker system in the corner of the main hall that is barely used. Down Under by Men at Work plays softly as you settle down at one of the tables covered in plastic-y yellow, feeling lighter than you have in weeks watching Tony cross the room to where there’s a small selection of snacks and a sheet cake with his name written on it.

Eddie sits down beside you at the same time Howard sits down across from him, the older man immediately brandishing his deck of cards and arcing them into a professional shuffle. Lola, the newest resident, an older woman who kept taking morphine long after her hip surgery healed, sits down uneasily next to Howard, content to quietly watch him deal out the cards between himself and Eddie.

Switching back and forth between watching Eddie and Howard playing a game you can’t seem to identify and watching Melissa and Kathy grill Tony about what he’s going to do first when he gets out, you feel a sort of contentment. An emotion you’re so unused to, you’re not really sure what to do with it now that it’s sitting in front of you.

Two games in, Eddie drops his cards with a groan before pointing an accusing finger at Howard, who smirks in pride. “This isn’t over, Finbar.” And while your eyebrows draw together in confusion, lips parting in preparation to ask, Eddie keeps going before you can. “I’m going to go grab a water and some cookies, anyone want me to get anything while I’m up?”

Howard waves him off without a word, huffing as he has to lift up slightly off his chair to pull in the cards Eddie left on the other side of the table so he can shuffle the deck together again. Lola, in her syrupy, southern drawl, asks for a cup of water, if he doesn’t mind. A short nod and then he looks down from where he stands beside your seat, a gentle smile on his face as his eyebrows raise in expectancy. The words get caught in your throat for a moment before you are able to force them out. “A cup of water and some chocolate chip cookies would be great. Thank you.”

Another cheeky smile and a dip of his head and he’s walking off, lanky legs knocking against a chair or two like he’s a newborn calf who hasn’t learned how to walk steady yet. The sight makes you laugh under your breath, shaking your head as you turn back to the table.

Lola is watching you, eyes slightly narrowed, when you turn back, making you jolt backwards in surprise. “Y’all make a cute couple,” she says sweetly, with a smile just a kind as always.

“Couple?” You question in a slightly higher pitch, feeling the blood rushing north to warm your face and make your brain spin. “We’re – we’re not a couple. Just friends. We just met here, only a few weeks ago.”

“No?” Her head tilts in curiosity, but her expression reads like she knows something you don’t. Can see something you can’t. “That’s a shame. Looks like a match made in Heaven to me.”

Your jaw drops, mouth opening and closing uselessly, as you try to think of something you could possibly say to that when Eddie walks back up, shakily balancing three plastic cups of water between his hands and a packet of napkin wrapped something tucked under his chin. The waters are safely set on the table, one passed to Lola, who replies “thank you, sugar,” before he lifts his head, the packet falling directly into his now-free hands. Dropping into his chair, he sets the packet on the table before unfolding the white napkins to reveal several slightly smushed cookies.

“Oh,” he blinks a few times at them before offering you a sheepish smile. “Guess they didn’t quite survive the journey. Hope you don’t mind picking at crumbs?”

You shake your head, mischief infusing your smile as you tell him, “I don’t mind, I’ve always thought it would be kind of cool to be a pigeon.”

He snorts in amusement at the same time Howard rolls his eyes and Lola uses her hand to cover her smile. The mix of reactions is perfect – exactly what you were hoping for – as you pinch a big chunk of cookie between your fingers and pop it into your mouth while Howard deals out another hand of cards.

Your contentment continues through the next hour or two, watching as Eddie and Howard go back and forth between winning hands while songs play on – Come On, Eileen, followed by Pretty in Pink, and Africa.

When Melissa shrilly announces it’s time to cut the cake, everyone turns toward the front of the room while Billie Jean by Michael Jackson weaves its way into the open air. Tony laughs at himself and how his hands shake in nervousness, making jokes about how he feels like he’s at a wedding, as he cuts into the sheet cake directly through his name. Using the plastic serving utensil, he deposits a huge square on his paper plate, the ‘o’ from his name completely removed as everyone cheers and claps.

Looking incredibly embarrassed, he turns and gives a little bow to the crowd, missing Kathy as she reaches over the table to grab the huge slice. A sing-song call of his name, and you all watch as he turns and is met with the slice of cake to the face, white frosting smearing across his skin before the entire plate hits the floor with a dull slap. No one moves for a few moments, quiet enough you could hear a pin drop, until he starts to laugh. Almost the entire room joins in, cackling as he scoops frosting away from his eyes and shakes it out onto the floor.

Everyone who wants a slice of cake moves through to grab one before settling back down at the tables. And when you look over at Tony, glowing as he has an animated conversation with Melissa, you can see a small smearing of frosting across his cheek that no one seems willing to tell him is still there.

You all say goodbye to him that evening before the sun sets, watching as he departs out of the double doors with a bag slung over his shoulder and is immediately met by a young boy – a Michigan Wolverines jersey on his back as he tackles Tony around the waist in a tight hug. The doors click closed just as Tony’s hand meets the boy’s head in a rub, both sporting the exact same bright smile.

Despite being back on good terms, Eddie continues to sit across the room from you during group therapy sessions. You kind of like it better than way, not that you’d ever admit it to him. Sometimes you find yourself looking over for reactions to things people say and it makes it easier to give him your full attention when he adds to the conversation. Being able to sneak glances  without it being too obvious makes you feel a bit more comfortable than before.

And although you feel like you’ve been making progress, you still rarely join in the conversation in these group circle sessions, and you never talk about yourself in them. Penelope has never tried to push you – she is satisfied as long as you continue to make progress in 1 on 1 sessions. Talking in a group setting isn’t for everyone, she explained, but it can sometimes be more beneficial than you think it might be.

It just never struck you as something you wanted to do. It never spoke to you, as some people said. Besides, other people always had plenty they wanted to say after Penelope did a bit of prodding.

“I talked to my husband on the phone the other day,” Kathy admits following a small silence. She’s playing with the drawstrings on her sweatpants as she speaks. “We haven’t talked in a couple weeks – the kids have been staying with my mom while I’m here.”

Penelope shifts in her chair to face her more directly. “How did that go?”

“Bad,” she answers with a sigh, eyes falling closed for a second before she forces them back open. “I guess I was just hoping he misses me… Misses the kids, misses our life. But he actually seems like he’s happier now.”

“That must’ve hurt to think about.”

“It did. It does.” She takes a deep breath, eyebrows turning up in what looks like an attempt not to cry. “It’s hard to think that picturing going back home to be with him and Sarah and Ben is what really gets me through all this but he… It doesn’t seem like that’s what he pictures anymore.”

“No offense, Kathy, but he sounds like a dickhead.”

Her and Penelope both turn on Eddie, looking surprised and annoyed in that order. “Eddie, that’s not very nice.”

“No, it’s not,” he concedes, hands coming into play as he tucks his elbows into either side of his waist, “but neither is the way he treats you. I mean, the whole reason you ended up here is because he refused to help you – with anything! Ever! And left you to take care of him and the kids and the house and everything.”

Kathy’s face twists, looking conflicted. “Well, yes, but–”

“But he works to put food in the fridge. That’s what you’re gonna say, right?” Her mouth presses into a tight line before giving him a sharp nod. “And yeah, that’s important. Having money to survive is essential and all that. But so is taking care of yourself. And your kids. Taking care of your house. Those are all things people should try to do the best they can. Sure, a lot of people fall short sometimes. It can really suck trying to get everything done by yourself. But that’s what your partner is supposed to be for. To help you.”

Everyone watches on silently as Eddie continues, looking entirely impassioned in his defense of her. “Yeah, he works a job. But you work three jobs just trying to take care of yourself, him, and both your kids. It’s not fair. And it’s fucked up that he not only doesn’t do shit to help but also doesn’t appreciate how much fucking work it is for you and the fact that it was killing you.”

“I mean, that’s just how marriage works,” she tries to argue. “Men go to work and women take care of the house and the kids. I’m sure that’s how your parents did it.”

“No,” he answers with a humorless chuckle, “not even close.”

“Then what did they do?”

“My dad beat my mom.”

The room falls into a tense hush, all eyes on him. While a part of him still looks worked up from his debate with Kathy, and another looks angry at even admitting the fact, the rest of him looks like an exposed nerve. His shoulders shake slightly as he takes in a breath and lets it out just as slow. “He wasn’t… He wasn’t a good guy, my dad. Kind of a piece of shit actually. In and out of prison on assault, drug charges, petty theft, the works. And whenever he was out, he was coked out of his mind and making my mom’s life a living hell.”

Brown eyes descend to the floor as his voice wavers, clearing his throat to try to fix it. “I remember one time, I was 6? Maybe 7? My mom was trying to convince me to do my homework at the kitchen table. And in storms dear old dad, fresh snow on his nose, and already screaming.” His eyes close, hands clenching with white knuckles. “Mom always made sure to get in between us. She didn’t want him to hurt me. But I guess he was mad at me for something, and her getting in the way was even worse, because before I knew it she was on the floor.”

Teary eyes open, glancing up and meeting your gaze. Eyes entirely focused on you as a few tears escape with his blinks. “I can see it so clearly, y’know? My mom was on the floor, bruises around her eyes, begging him to stop. And my dad was standing over her with his fists clenched like he was ready to go another round.”

I know what a push like that can do.

Your mouth opens wordlessly when you realize – chest twisting in agony as he offers you a sad and knowing smile.

“Anyway, that’s why I’m here. Because I don’t wanna end up like my dad.”

A feeling in the base of your stomach catches hot and burns. Ashes smolder and leak smoke up your esophagus until it brings tears to your eyes. Beneath the dull roar of your blood in your ears and the murmured ‘Thank you for sharing’ from Penelope, you can hear the tremble of the earth beneath your feet. A vibration that rumbles up through your bones in a cold shiver that breaks out across your back. Stones fall into the chasm before you as the world shakes and bends with the force of the quake. 

You stare into the cold darkness of the space between the tectonic plates and the cold darkness stares back.

“I have something I want to talk about.”

All eyes turn to you, a pair of wide brown iris the most important of all. Penelope is nothing but encouraging as she says, “By all means, what would you like to say?”

A deep breath in, an attempt to clear the smoke in your lungs, you force the words out into the open. “I… I want to talk about how I got here.” You pause, eyes leaving Eddie to glance over at Penelope to register her shock. “Why I’m here. Because I’ve never told anyone.”

“Okay,” is her simple reply, an attempt to be encouraging. But you’re already faltering, the cold creeping in and dampening the ashes until you return to making eye contact with Eddie. And while his expression shows very little, attention wholly focused on you, he does dip his head in a slight nod.

Go ahead, the movement says. You can do this.

“Two days before I got here, I was with my friend Luna.” The name feels like ice water down your throat, swallowing hard to try to push past it and keep going. “Luna was the one who got me into taking oxy in the first place. I’d told her I was too wound up all the time and couldn’t relax, too caught up in my head. She told me it would help. We’d been friends for a long time by that point. She… She’s my best friend. She saw me at my worst and didn’t blink an eye. And maybe it was a fucked up way of helping, but she was really just trying to help. Suggesting what she thought would help.”

“That day, she called me all excited. Saying she got some pills from a new guy and she couldn’t wait to try them. So I went over to her place like we always did. She was all excited about the new stuff, but in my head, it was just the same shit, so I told her I was going to take from the old stash of pills. I guess I didn’t want to waste them or something. She just kinda said whatever, your loss, didn’t fight me on it.”

The visuals start to press in now, like a slideshow playing behind your eyes. “I remember waking up in her bed. It was dark. I don’t know how long I was out for. I got up,” your feet hit pink shag carpet, “I called her name,” you look around the girly bedroom, barely lit by the lamp on the bedside table. “I was still pretty out of it. I walked out from around the bed and…”

Your eyes squeeze shut, head shaking to try to clear the images like an etch-a-sketch. It doesn’t work.

“She was on the floor. I thought maybe she was just in it but her – her lips a–and her fingers were blue and she wasn’t breathing. I called 911 but… She was already cold when they told me to check for a pulse.”

“Those new pills she was so excited to take were laced. Fentanyl. She overdosed. And… And maybe if I had been awake, y’know?” When you blink back into the room, there are tears pouring from your eyes, your breath coming in hiccuping gasps. Cutting yourself off from any more what if’s, you rub your forearm under your nose as you sniffle. “Anyway, I got picked up when the ambulance came. I don’t really know why they gave me the option but it was basically rehab or jail so it felt kind of like a no brainer.”

You huff a wet laugh, crossing your arms over your stomach as you try to fight back the sobs, breathing through the freezing cold feeling in your chest. “It’s easier to be here. Then to think about leaving,” you admit softly, eyes trained on Eddie’s shoes. “In here, I don’t have to see her stuff around my place. I don’t have to think about who I’m going to spend my Saturday’s with. I don’t… In here, I don’t have to face the fact that she’s gone.”

When your eyes meet his, they’re watery again. Red rimmed, swollen. His hands open and close on his thighs like he’s holding himself back. Pale, pink-toned fingers, cast in warm, gentle light from the sun above, that look like they want nothing more than to reach out to you.

Blue tipped fingers reach out from the cold below, a threat and a warning of what lies before you if you fail. But on the other side – the sun shines. There’s grass and cherry blossom trees and birds singing and music playing and life.

“She’s dead. And I can’t get her back. But I’m still here, and I still have a future. I… I want there to be a future.” 

You jump the gap.

Bright green grass folds beneath your sneakers as you cross the field, hand raised along your brow to search for a familiar face. It’s the first Saturday of July and there are people everywhere – blankets and lawn chairs and folding tables set up across the wide open greenery ringed with trees.

A familiar whistle echoes toward you, giving you a vague direction to continue your trek. Sweat collects at the base of your neck and trickles down your spine as you go, the heat of the summer sun bearing down despite your careful choice in clothing. You’re just about desperate for a drink when a familiar flop of brown hair catches your eye.

“Steve?” You call, hoping to confirm before you walk all the way over. His head swivels in a full circle before his eyes catch you, a grin stretching across his face as he waves you over.

Steve is a relatively new friend, you’ve only hung out with him a handful of times since you were introduced. He’s shirtless, cotton discarded after sweating through it, and a pair of shorts that show off an alarming large amount of his tan skin. He’s tucked under a large umbrella with Robin, another new friend. She’s draped over a beach chair with her head rolled back, an unbuttoned shirt hanging off her shoulders over a bikini top and a pair of oversized shorts. The closer you get to their blanket in the grass, the more clearly her complaining becomes.

“It’s so fucking hot,” she moans, arms flopped down beyond the sides of the chair. “Why did I agree to this?”

“The music is going to start soon, so shut it, Buckley.” He turns toward you, head tilting back as he braces his arms on his knees. “Hey, good to see you.”

“You too,” you set your things on one edge of the picnic blanket, dropping to your knees at the boundary of where the umbrella covers. “And good to see you too Rob, even though it looks like you’re actually melting.” She groans loudly, sliding further down in her chair as you laugh. “Speaking of melting, cooler?”

Steve heaves it over his lap toward you and opens the lid, twisting back toward another bag as you dig through the melting ice and drinks. Drink in hand and an ice cube in the other, you use your elbow to close the lid again before pressing the ice cube to the nape of your neck in an attempt to get some relief from the heat.

Just as your mouth opens to ask, you hear an, “Incoming!” ring out right before a heavy object makes impact with your side, knocking you into the cooler with a yelp. The furry projectile pants wildly as it rights itself from its sprawl across the blanket, paws immediately climbing up onto your thighs in a happy greeting.

“Hey Oz,” you laugh, chin receding into your neck as you try to dodge his eager licks toward your mouth. “Are you having a good day, buddy?”

“He better be after the fucking pain in my ass he’s been all morning.”

Both hands scratching at the dog’s ears, both to calm him and keep him away from your face, you tilt your head back to catch sight of warm brown eyes. Eddie’s hair is pulled up into a messy bun on the back of his head, the wisps by his ears and parts of his bangs slicked down with sweat. He’s in a tank top that looks like a modified graphic tee, arm holes cut absurdly low to show off almost the entirety of his tattooed ribs. As he settles onto the blanket beside you, the light wash ripped cut off shorts he’s wearing stretch further to show more of his thighs.

His arm loops around your back, hand pressing into your ear as he directs your head lower so he can press a happy kiss to your temple. “Hey sunshine. Have any trouble finding us?”

The heat suddenly feels more like it’s diffusing from the inside out as your smile grows. You shake your head as you sit up straight again, Eddie’s arm still propped behind your back. “Nah, I’m pretty sure I could hear your stupid dog whistle from space.”

“Hey!” He cries in mock offense, leaning away from you as he yanks on the purple plastic whistle around his neck. “The training is going really well with it, actually! So shove it.” And he ducks down toward the pup sitting in front of you, coming to eye level as he says, “Isn’t that right, Ozzy?” The dog lunges forward in an attempt to lick his face but Eddie’s expecting it, blocking the attack and using a gentle force to push the dog down onto his side. “Ozzy, Ozzy, Ozzy!” He chants as he rapidly rubs the pup’s stomach, both of them shaking with excitement.

“Munson, you’re gonna work him up again and the fuckin’ music is about to start!”

Eddie sighs in disappointment, slowing his scratches and rubs considerably, running his hands along fur in an attempt to calm the dog. “I know, buddy. Your mom is so lame and doesn’t know how to have fun.”

Steve levels another glare at him, leaning back on one arm as he complains, “I’m not his mom. We’re both dads, dude.”

“Don’t listen to him, Ozzy. That man is your mom and you know it.”

The dog doesn’t care either way but does settle, laying out long with his belly in the sun just as some speaker feedback echoes out into the space around you.

“Finally!” Robin sighs in relief, pulling her sunglasses down her nose as she lifts her head. “I was starting to think we were roasting out here for nothing. Might as well be in Hell for how hot it is outside.”

Steve snorts, cracking open a gatorade as he explains, “Pretty sure Hell would be way hotter than this.”

“How do you know, dingus? Have you been?”

And the two start to bicker, something you’ve come to learn is a pretty common occurrence. Tuning out of their platonic marital dispute, you look back toward your boyfriend only to find him already looking at you.

“If Hell is this hot, I never wanna go,” you joke, vaguely aware of the sweat that continues to collect on your skin and how much you dislike the feeling.

“I dunno babe,” Eddie sighs long and loud, head tilting your direction as he looks up at you through his eyelashes, smile tilting in mischief. “It is said that the Devil has all the best tunes.”

The cherry blossoms in your chest unfurl in the heat of the sun, petals stretching out at the same rate as the smile parting to show the whites of your teeth. A soft laugh of disbelief, a grin that matches your own, and you’re quoting Good Omens back at him by saying, “It’s true. But Heaven has the best choreographers.”

And he laughs. Head thrown back, the sun’s rays grace the planes of his face as he barks out laughter into the blue sky above. Robin and Steve look at each other confused before shrugging slightly and then you’re laughing too. Falling backwards onto the blanket beneath you, you roll with it, shoulder knocking against Eddie’s when he falls backwards too.

Warm with the heat of the day, the music pouring out across the field, and the hope of a day just as bright tomorrow – you and Eddie laugh like it’s the best joke you’ve ever heard. Like there would never be a better joke than this.

If you want to imagine the future: imagine a boy and his dog and his friends. And a summer that never ends. ― Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

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thank you so much for reading. the response to this story was more than i thought it would be and i hope you're satisfied with the ending. i'm grateful you chose to come on this journey with me. i hope you find your way to greener grass and gentle sun whenever you're ready to find it &lt;3

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson angst #eddie munson hurt/comfort #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fic #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x fem!reader #rockstar!eddie munson #rockstar!eddie x reader #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #myos ideas #myo4munson

[rederiswrites]

My mom took my son's pizza again. This time the last slice of the pizza he got for his birthday, which he discovered when he eagerly went to eat it. Furious, he decided to go and challenge her. Because, in his words, he knew no one else would have done it, so if she denied eating it, he would know she knew it was wrong. I was both impressed and depressed by his insight.

She denied it. He left her without saying anything more, because he'd gotten all he expected to get out of her.

I'm going to finally talk about her a bit under the cut, because I have to work it out, because I have to get through to her somehow.

When she moved in with us some eight or so years ago, it was supposed to be temporary. She had the entire plan worked out to build herself a tiny house--it would be on a trailer, and therefore not count as a structure on our property, and also move with us when we moved. She was also going to work--at a job she already had work for--to make up for the fact that she'd retired early and in a somewhat precarious financial situation. She could have worked longer, almost definitely should have worked long enough to get her full benefits, but she was depressed and hated going to work, and so she used the excuse that she wanted to help me with the kids, since I was struggling with my health. At the time, we believed her, even though we did also know that fundamentally she really just wanted to not go to work any more. We expressed our concern but trusted her judgement. I trusted and loved her and saw her as a tough woman who'd made it on her own this far.

She never built the tiny home. She never started. She never did the job that was already in her hands. Never helped much with the kids, either. She was still in our third bedroom years later, when we had an eight year old still sleeping in our room for lack of anywhere else to put him. Because she was in the room meant to be his. She did not care about that at all. By this time, we'd learned never to leave the kids alone with her, because she would use our absence to be a dictatorial asshole to the kids. She shouted at them for making noise, basically any noise, and randomly lectured them at the slightest sign of a "teachable moment", usually with things that they knew, sometimes with things that were objectively wrong.

We'd had to demand she stop driving our car, because she had hit several things with it. Twice, she ran over and destroyed the kids' toys that were left out in the drive, after which she would shout at the children about leaving them out. The last straw was when she backed directly into a whole-ass riding lawnmower with a trailer in our driveway. She refused to admit any fault. How could she have seen it, she asked. Ma'am, it's nearly the size of a car.

She was routinely rude without the slightest inkling that she'd been rude, she was a thoughtless and inconsiderate housemate, she rarely cooked, and only did the dishes in bursts. We marveled at how many times we lowered our expectations and found that she fell short even then. We learned not to ask her to do things, because they were often so badly done that they had to be redone. She responded to any criticism by going into a screaming rage that we thought she was stupid and obviously she couldn't do anything right. She never went out, and then acted like it was because we needed her, and we needed to give her permission to go out. This was one of the little ways she started to talk as if her situation was our fault. I talked to her for years about depression, explaining that it didn't always mean feeling sad all the time. That it often meant exactly the symptoms she was displaying. I even got her to go to the doctor with me once, and got to sit there and watch as she told the doctor she was "tired".

By this point, we'd long since started to find her presence a burden.

When we moved here, there was no obvious building for her to convert and live in, but we were open to the possibility of her making over part of the detached garage. Yes, we did really kinda need that space ourselves, especially as we have no barn, but you make sacrifices for family. There was a spare room in the finished basement, and we all knew it wasn't ideal, but we were happy to let her stay there at the same rate of room and board we'd decided years ago at the old place--$400 a month. $400 for the room, the use of the house, internet, electricity, food, Netflix, everything. A price that we had calculated to be cheap years prior. A price that pretty much guarantees that we're subsidizing her life as it is.

She stopped paying. She hasn't paid since we moved. That's around $14K back due, now. She said she was saving it to make her place with. We said that wasn't a unilateral decision, and that we had to agree. She said nothing. Repeatedly, we had this conversation. But what would we do? Kick her out? We know she can't afford anything else. I'm an only child. The rest of her family is estranged.

When she brought us her "plan" for remodeling the garage, it was incomplete, couldn't be permitted by the county, and cost everything she had even without the parts she hadn't given consideration to. We rejected it. For TWO YEARS, she would just periodically bring up some minor variation of this plan and we would explain, increasingly furiously, that we had already said no, that it was still a bad and unacceptable plan, and that no, we did not think it was reasonable of her to expect us to break the law to make it work.

Over the years, we've suggested various alternatives. We looked at used office trailers she could convert--refused, because "trailers are for poor people." We pointed out rooms for rent at a rate she might be able to pay--refused, because she wants to stay near us. God knows why; she shows no interest in our lives. She has not helped with any of the events we've hosted. She sometimes doesn't come out of the basement when we have guests she knows. I don't tell her when I'm especially sick, because she will immediately declare that she has fallen ill and any chance we might have had of her doing a few dishes evaporates. She doesn't notice that I'm sick on her own.

Finally, a couple of months ago, she came to us with a New Plan. She wants to build a prefabricated outbuilding behind the detached garage. It is MORE expensive than the previous plan, taking every penny of her savings plus the aforementioned $14k she refused to pay us, meaning that ANY expenses she encounters after that that exceed her Social Security payment will fall on us. And since, despite saying that she can never do anything because she's saving money, the only money she's actually "saved" is the money she didn't give us, she has no prospect of being able to repay that money afterwards, either.

In the course of the inevitable fight when she ignored everything we had to say about that, she finally said that she "wasn't going to pay for that basement!" and had no intention of paying that money back. The basement, by the way, has huge comfy couches, a bar and sink, a microwave and electric kettle, big tables, wall to wall carpet, lovely art, and a library. Then when we still refused, she called a mediator. Which we readily agreed to, because SOMETHING has to change, but I don't have much hope that that will help.

Because fundamentally the problem is that she's blamed us for her failings. She won't take ownership of her behavior, so she's convinced herself that we owe her. We owe her a place to live--but of course she'll be totally independent there! We owe her whatever financial needs she incurs as she ages. She is angry at us for offering her a place to live while she figured herself out. She is angry at us for not catering more to her tastes while she eats our food that she is never going to help pay for, and that she never cooks. Because the alternative is to admit that she failed herself and is a burden to us.

At this point, and for a long time now really, but especially the last couple of months, she is a constant drag on the mood of the entire family. She's completely lost touch with reality. The simple act of calling for mediation is an excellent illustration--her plan is unaffordable and probably not legal, and requires our funding to take place on our land, and yet she thinks that an independent mediator with side with her. Which isn't even how mediation works. They won't side with anyone. They certainly can't force us to cooperate.

She's so sure she's in the right that when she went out with Jacob's mother for one of their periodic date days, she excitedly explained her plan, which she is still routinely talking about as if it is going to happen imminently. My mother in law asked a few basic questions, like, "How will you manage as you age without a bathroom," and her answers were such nonsense that later that day my mother in law called us and apologized profusely for having previously sympathized with my mother. She'd sympathized with what she saw as a fellow older woman struggling with depression, which is certainly true, but somehow she hadn't believed us that my mom is straight over the edge until she saw it for herself.

So there you go. My mother, the solid ground of my childhood. Taking birthday food from my children and lying about it while she squats in our basement. And every night she insists on kissing me on the cheek goodnight, as if she were a good, loving mother.

#this is ridiculous #no reblogging please #I thought you could set it for no reblogs but I am too dumb to find it

[lil-oreo-crumbles]

Wanna share those headcanons?

YEAHHH ABSOLUTELY!!! TOFFIPSA/P HEADCANONS LETS GOOOOO♥️💜

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Toffee and Eclipsa Friendship Headcanons✨

Disclaimer: These headcanons are heavily skewed toward my specific interpretations of young Eclipsa and especially young Toffee, along with being specific to fitting into my AU, so I don’t know how “general” these are and can be taken. These also aren’t even all of them just the ones I’ve come up with just a lot of the non-angsty and non-spoiler ones💗

These also come with childhood Toffee and Eclipsa best friend headcanons, their dynamic in their current adult stages is different lol and even more skewed toward my AU than these are (and way more spoiler-y)

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Let’s get the obvious out of the way: Eclipsa gave him the nickname “Toffee.” Toffee isn’t his real name, and Eclipsa was the one who nicknamed him.

She gave him the nickname because, in the lighting, she mistook his eyes as having a more carmelized color. It was only later that she realized they were actually gold (YES this is inspired by the super cute fic and accompanying comic, sue me!)

Eclipsa loves playing with Toffee’s long hair. Whether it's brushing it, braiding it, decorating it with leaves, flowers, or ribbon, or simply just playing with it with her fingers. She always remarks about how weirdly soft it is

Going along with the last one, Eclipsa was such a bow girl. She LOVES bows and wore exclusively bows in her hair until she transitioned to hats. Argo, she loves putting bows in Toffee’s hair. He isn’t the biggest fan of it, but enjoys making her happy.

Eclipsa loves crafting and making things like flower crowns. While Toffee appreciates the gesture, flower crowns are serious reminders of his late mother, and seeing it hits the wrong way sometimes.

Contrary to popular belief, and no matter how smiley Eclipsa can be, Toffee is “the smiley”

Eclipsa loves chocolate while Toffee can’t stand it. If he eats chocolate it’s exclusively dark chocolate. Otherwise, he’s much more of a strawberry-flavored guy. Eclipsa fundamentally doesn’t understand why he doesn’t like chocolate, specifically Snookers

Eclipsa is fascinated by the Septarian’s regenerative properties.

She helped Toffee get better at regeneration faster than his peers because she kept accidentally slicing his limbs off. She always cries about it no matter how much he assures her that he’s fine

Eclipsa taught Toffee how Mewmans dance and Toffee (at least tried to) teach Eclipsa some traditional Septarian dances.

Toffee specifically requested to not be included in Eclipsa’s chapter.

However, Toffee IS the Septarian Eclipsa “dated” in her chapter. Despite the two not having romantic feelings for each other at all he agreed to the date for her research purposes. It was one date and neither took each other seriously and laughed and giggled the whole time.

Toffee eventually hooked her up with another Septarian to date instead since he had a hunch she’d be a tad biased.

(She was biased. That 9/10 was for him.)

Going along with the last one, Eclipsa illustrated what she headcanoned Toffee would look like as an adult. Toffee asked her, very confused, “Um… why did you draw me like that…?” (Little did she know how accurate she kinda was)

Toffee has tried to get Eclipsa to read some of his books (like the bookworm he is), but her short attention span pevents her from finishing the first chapter

Toffee helps Eclipsa with her magic training, holding the book open for her and helping her by reading off spells. He’s practically read the entire book up until Eclipsa’s chapter.

(Yes, this includes all of Solaria’s chapter. Yes he has read what Solaria has said about Septarians. Yes it terrifies him that someone like her exists.)

Eclipsa told Toffee all about the Butterflies, magic, the magic wand, and The Whispering Spell. Being the chatterbox she is, she couldn’t contain any secrets from her best friend. (She is the source for a good portion of Toffee’s information on the Butterfly Family and magic.)

Along these same lines, Eclipsa showed him Butterfly Castle’s secret tunnel system and other secret passageways she constantly uses.

Eclipsa and Toffee make up hypotheticals sometimes. One of those hypotheticals was about what a Mewni without magic would look like, since Eclipsa figured out magic was the source of a lot of monster’s hardships. They never really took it seriously as an option at the time

Despite all of Eclipsa’s attempts to bring them together and have them meet, Toffee and Globgor have never met

They’re the type of friends to come in a “package deal”

Eclipsa jokes about her trauma a lot to cope, Toffee does not.

Eclipsa, dramatically standing in front of Toffee: HE ASKED FOR NO PICKLES

Eclipsa tries to bake (and fails) but Toffee eats the (very burnt) sweets anyway with a smile on his face.

They make music together 🎶 Eclipsa plays the guitar and Toffee has this tambourine

୨・┈・┈・୨ ୧・┈・┈・୧

If I got into the angst ones we’d be here all day.

I’ve spent the better part of the last few days compiling as many as I can think of from my memory bank. I love these two, I’ve had them headcanoned as childhood best friends since Battle for Mewni came out. These headcanons are 7 years in the making so there’s probably a few lost to time that I’ll remember as I write about them more.

Their dynamic is overall similar to Star and Marco’s (Season 1 pre-romance), just with their own little personalities. It’s not a 1:1 ratio, but it’s akin to them.

Now I wanna do the video compiling all of the evidence for a canonical connection between these two… *sighs and puts it on my to do list*

#svtfoe #star vs the forces of evil #toffee of septarsis #eclipsa butterfly #svtfoe eclipsa #svtfoe toffee #headcanon #headcanons #friendship headcanons #toffipsa #toffipsa/p #toffee and eclipsa #eclipsa and toffee #THESE TWO ARE MY LIFEEE #I’m so devastated that these two are so underrated #Toffipsa needs to be more popular in general #romantically and platonically #(mostly platonically because platonic Toffipsa is underrated) #Septarsis Dragonfly AU #for context toffee’s real name in my AU is Torrence

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hii sex witch

im 19 afab and ive never had sex before, i masturbate sometimes but ive never had an orgasm and dont know how to "get it"?.. im generally scared of sex and identified as asexual for a long time but i dont think thats really my deal, im just scared of it. im scared of it being awkward, of my partner not finding me atractive or worse. i dont like how i look naked, and dont imagine anyone ever could. i think my vagina and my boobs look ugly and alien, i preach body positivity and being natural i think all bodies are good no matter how they look but when im faced with the reality of my own body im repulsed by these parts of it. i think something may be broken inside me because i just cant Be Normal about sex, the thought of me having it always makes me stressed and uncomfortable. i want a relationship and i love meeting new people and flirting etc. but when the person i talk to makes any sexual joke or innuendo i get super tense and scared and realise that if things get further they would probably want me to do it... and maybe i could and maybe i even want to but the thought makes me sick with the pressure. this isnt even a question, so i dont know how you could even respond but i dont have anyone i could openly talk about this in my life without feeling super weird or them just brushing it off as "you'll grow up to it" or something, and i just had to say it to someone or else i will eventually explode. hope this all makes sense ❤️‍🩹

hey anon,

come in, get cozy, grab a glass of lemonade, etc. we're gonna be here a minute.

so listen: I swear to GOD this isn't me trying to pull the "you'll grow into it" thing. I am going somewhere different with this I swear. bear with me.

first and foremost, I think the main problem you're experiencing right now is that being 19. I don't mean that in a condescending or belittling way, or to imply that you just don't want to have sex because you're 19. I'm saying that being 19 (and 18, and 20, and 21, and so on) is mostly for being worried about everything and having no idea what's going on. you have to get all that insane anxiety out of your system as early as possible in your adult years so that you can get down to business actually developing a perspective and figuring out what you want to do. I'm not even, like, a LOT older than you but trust me, by the time you're 26 you're going to feel SOOOOO different about things that you don't even realize you have an opinion about right now. when I was 19 I was made pretty much exclusively of anxiety and the cheapest bagels at the grocery store. (eating badly was not helping my anxiety.)

what I'm getting at here is that you're at like a very exciting and terrible formative age when it's the most normal thing in the world to feel like there's something uniquely awful and hideous and unlovable about yourself. when I was 19 the two most important things in the world to me were losing my virginity (lmao) and making sure I never experienced actual emotional intimacy ever because I was sure that if anyone got close enough to really know me they would realize that I was the worst person who ever lived and fundamentally undeserving of human connection. TERRIBLE place to be in; I had a lot of deeply bad and uncomfortable sex because of it.

there's a really easy solution to being terrified of sex, which I wish someone had told me when I was very scared of sex, and it's if having sex sounds like a horrific ordeal you can actually just Not Have Sex. just don't do it. it's actually REALLY easy to not have sex; millions of people do it every single day.

if you like meeting people and flirting, that's awesome! you should do that, having connections and relationships with other people is important. if you don't like sexual jokes and innuendos you can just tell people they make you uncomfortable and ask them not to do that; how they respond is actually a GREAT litmus test for whether or not those are people you should keep hanging out with. if someone isn't able to not make sexual comments about you after you've asked them not to, kick 'em to the curb!

there are tons of people in all kinds of romantic relationships who aren't having sex. that's a perfectly fine and reasonable boundary to set. it can make things a little more complicated, sure, but dating and romance and love are all complicated and messy anyway. again, great way to VERY EFFICIENTLY weed out who is and isn't a suitable potential partner. (it's also fine to not want a partner, either; there's nothing wrong with being a sociable extrovert who doesn't want to have sex.)

there's nothing broken about you for being nervous about the idea of having sex. whether you identify as asexual or not, it's perfectly fine to feel that way. it's completely fine if you change your mind tomorrow or if you feel this way for the rest of your life. and you might! maybe sex will never sound awesome for you, and that's fine! again, tons of people living very good and happy lives every day without having sex! sex isn't a measure of maturity, but knowing yourself well enough to honor your own boundaries and desires is.

I hope a kinder attitude towards your own body can come with time, and I think it will. be gentle with yourself, alright? being 19 is very silly but unfortunately very necessary, and I think you'll really like what comes after if you let yourself relax a little. whatever you feel like right now, you're actually a very normal person, by which I of course mean you have a rich and brilliant mind and will do many quietly wonderful things in your life and will be deserving of every bit of love and joy that comes your way.

also, hey - have you ever seen a therapist about anxiety? I also should have done that when I was 19.

#sex edventures 2023

[blackjackkent]

what do you think wouldve happened in an alternate universe where hector let karlach become a mind flayer?

(A/N after writing this whole answer: whoops, this got out of hand, hope you're okay with an Unexpected Fic. XD Also maybe a smidge weird/dark at the end, although not a ton I hope? Certainly no more than the whole game is weird/dark. XD Anyway I hope you enjoy. <3 )

Ohhhhhhhhh.

Anon, I love you for asking me this question. <3 A very intriguing one!

And it is because I love you for asking me this question that I have braved looking up a video of Karlach actually becoming a mind flayer, which I had put off doing because I am a softheart and I knew it would hurt and also make Hector yell in my head. XD And when Hector yells in my head it's a whole thing because he does double Flurry of Blows against the inside of my skull for 140damage and it's rough enough in there already.

However! I have now watched it and done some thinks. (Hot damn, Lae'zel is MAD too, at least in the version of the scene I watched. The whole thing is very upsetting.)

Fundamentally it would be a tragedy, and not just for Karlach. Watching the way the scenes play out - there is just enough of Karlach in her speech that Hector would not want to disconnect from her. I think perhaps it touches on the same hope that kept him expecting a miracle for her heart right up until the end of the game - somehow, somehow we can make this work, somehow we will find a way...

But there is no way. This is who she is now, a creature of the Astral Sea with his love's voice and an empty place where her soul should be. And unlike the engine situation he can't even kiss her to make himself feel better because she looks like a squid.

-----

The one saving grace is, I suppose, she does seem happy enough. In the epilogue, she states that she has found a way to get brains to eat by consuming from terminally ill patients at a clinic in Baldur's Gate, people who have volunteered for the process because they are about to die anyway. And she talks about helping all of them live on by absorbing their memories and carrying them with her.

It's... sweet, in a way, Hector supposes.

He tries to keep busy. There's no battle in Avernus to occupy him in this timeline, so he primarily works with Jaheira and her kids on rebuilding. It's hard, physical work; it keeps his mind occupied. At first he sleeps at the Elfsong; later, after some nudging from Rion, Jaheira offers him lodging at her home, where he takes a hand in raising the latest crop of orphan children she is protecting. He sees Baldur's Gate start to bandage its wounds and begins to believe there was some purpose to all his struggle.

But his own wounds do not heal so easily.

He visits the clinic often. He and Karlach talk. Her voice is a slow near-monotone in her accent, unlike anything he ever heard from her before. Sometimes he can hear a twinge of her humor or a turn or phrase, and his heart leaps... but other times she speaks of things like destiny and infinite time in a way that reminds him more of the Emperor than the woman he loves.

She never laughs. She doesn't curse. There is never even the slightest mention of sex; though she still fully understands a double entendre when he makes one experimentally, she seems to take no interest in it. She seems to exist slightly beyond him, with a view of the world that is no longer of the Material Plane.

And yet... she does know him. She remembers everything - stories he told her of his childhood in the monastery, details of Selunite rituals she learned from him, quiet moments in camp he half-forgot himself. She still calls him Soldier, and sometimes Hec. She remembers her own parents; she remembers the city. There is just enough of her still in there... just enough for it to squeeze his heart.

----

One day she walks (well, floats) with him to the Singing Lute; she sits with him while he eats. They talk about the rebuilding; he points out from the balcony some of the new homes he has worked on. She is quiet for a long time. "It is good to see the place begin to live again," she says, in that strange cool slow voice that has replaced the old jocular drawl. "It's what it was all for."

He nods. "Do you regret it? Any of it?" Do you remember what we had? What we've lost?

"How could I, Soldier? The city still lives. You still live." A long pause. The old Karlach might have laughed sardonically, but there is no humor. "Even I still live, and I have grown beyond myself. What is there to regret?"

It sits like a rock in his stomach. If she is content, what more can he ask for? And yet it hurts... it hurts...

-----

Jaheira notices that he begins to withdraw back into himself, that he is quieter and more serious. She mentions it to Gale, on one of his visits to the city from Waterdeep.

"You're not wrong there," Gale agrees. "You weren't around yet, when we knew him fresh off the nautiloid. He was much more careful, then. Very controlled. The very picture of monastic stoicism - in between the panicked realization that we were all undergoing a supreme nightmare that never ended, of course. He lightened up, over the months - certainly by the time you knew him."

Jaheira purses her lips. "And this... he is returning to his old ways, you believe?"

"I don't think it would be unreasonable to assume," Gale says, with a sort of bleak humor, "that Karlach is no longer providing the same amount of compensatory levity that she used to."

-----

In the end, almost two years later, Lae'zel is the only one who speaks to him of it directly, and she is brutal - but effective.

"You have been hollowed out, she'lak," she says bluntly, on one of her rare visits from the Astral Plane. "It is a lessening of you. Do you still trail after your ghaik as if bound to her by a lead?"

"I have done much in the city since you left," Hector says, somewhat defensively.

"Chk. I do not speak of your body's business, k'chakhi. I speak of your mind. Your heart. You have lost yourself. You live only for others."

"As I was raised to do. As I have always done."

"Hector." She rarely speaks his name directly, but she does now, and it makes him jump. "You know of what I speak, and I will not have you ignore it. Your work in the city is admirable. You have cause for pride and contentment. Yet you pine after Karlach as if you hope to find her in the shell wearing her voice."

"She's still in there, Lae'zel."

"You mislead yourself," she spits. "Was it not you who taught me the strength to look beyond mindless devotion?"

That stings, and unconsciously he stands up a little straighter. "This is not mindless. It has been earned," he objects.

"Tas'ki. She is ghaik," Lae'zel says flatly. "What remains of her will dwindle, day by day. You know this as well as I." A pause. Then her eyes soften, and her voice with it. "You do not honor her sacrifice by this emptiness, Hector. Nor do you honor yourself."

He says nothing. His lips draw into a tight line. He hears her, and he does not want to.

"Think on what I tell you," she says - for all the world, now, as if she is the wise mentor and he the student in need of guidance. "You are no fool. You know I speak truth. Do not discount it."

-----

It takes a long time, but he does eventually start to come back to himself. Ten years. Twenty years. He grows old, though he loses none of his strength, his training too ingrained to allow him to weaken with age. The city reforms, stronger than ever, and he slowly begins to learn what life is, outside of both monastery and war.

He teaches self-defense to the children Jaheira rescues and others in the Lower City. He learns to (very badly) play a lute at Alfira's school. He tries his hand as a woodworker after so much carpentry work in the rebuilding of the Gate; one day, with some pride, he gifts Halsin a raggedly carved owl in return for the duck. He travels with Shadowheart several times to the House of the Moon in Waterdeep, reaffirming his faith in the light that has guided him through so much darkness.

And he reads voraciously. Everything he can get his hands on, from every library in the city. There is far more knowledge in the world, he comes to learn, than the particular cache with which he grew up.

He visits Karlach less, over time. And Lae'zel was right - there is less and less left of her each time he sees her. She is drifting away from him. And slowly he comes to terms with that - that what they had was a wonderful thing and a fleeting thing that will never come back to him. He learns to live for them both, for the life she would have had with him, had there been time.

He does not love again, though. He lived his whole life devoid of romance before he knew her, and he has little interest in trying to find it again in the years that remain to him.

For the most part, he moves on, and eventually finds himself relatively happy. But there is one last concession to sentimentality and to everything he has lost.

-----

On one bright, cold afternoon in mid-autumn, many years after the Netherbrain has faded into a bleak memory, he goes to the clinic. She is there, much as she always is; she has not seemed to age much in all these years, though the tentacles are slightly longer, a bit more nuanced in their movement.

He, though, is old; the grey dappling in his hair and beard has faded to white. His body acts as strong as ever, but time is implacable; he knows, as she once did, that he has very little left. It is a strange thing - a weakness of spirit rather than flesh, old age's deeper destruction that even the most disciplined monk cannot stave off forever. He is not dying, but he would be dead soon, likely within a few tendays.

"Hector," she says, flat and cool and almost unrecognizable, and inclines her head at him slightly. "You have settled everything?"

"Everything," he says quietly.

"You are still certain it is time?"

"Yes."

"Then we will begin." She gestures him to a secluded corner of the clinic, with a comfortable chair set up for the purpose. He settles himself there and looks up at the clinic's cracked stone ceiling and waits.

"It has been a good life," he comments, as much to himself as to her, as he waits for her to approach. "Lae'zel was right, that I had to move on. I have done much, seen much. I am proud of what we achieved - all of us."

There's a long, expectant silence. Then he leans his head back, closes his eyes. "I never stopped loving you, you know," he adds softly.

"I know," she answers, and her jaws sink into his skull.

#hector carlisle #long post #drabble #au: illithid karlach #WELLP I MADE MYSELF SAD AND NEED TO GO REREAD MY POSTS ABOUT THEM SNUGGLING ABOUT 50 TIMES #this answer got very out of hand and rambly and self-indulgent :P #although maybe that's what you were hoping for idk XD #i've mentioned before that hector did not come out of the monastery well-equipped to handle tragedy in a productive way #so this is not a timeline that is ultimately a good one for him i think #even though it ends on a generally positive upturn #i hope the ending is not too out of left field XD but it wouldn't be an illithid ending without just a smidge of KindaFucked Up Shit i thin

[my-soupy-brain]

i want Ted to read to me (he’d be so hot with reading glasses)

Listen, there's nothing sexier than a good book reading session with someone you care about, and even sexier is being read to by someone with a beautiful voice who knows how to read at a good pace. Ted can do all of it. Let's gooooo!

---

Relationship: Ted Lasso x reader

Smut: Not intentional but I bet it happens, lol

---

Ted sat down on the couch after dinner, smiling.

"Thanks for dinner, sweetheart," he compliments, like he does every time you make a meal.

"No problem, Teddy. Glad you liked it..."

As you flip through your phone notifications, you see Ted slip on a pair of reading glasses from the corner of your eye, pulling a book to his lap.

"Teddy...what are..." you ask, a bit flushed because well, he looks incredible with those dark frames perched on his face.

"Oh, these? Yeah. I went to the eye doctor the other day and he suggested I get these to help me when I read. Darn things take some gettin' used to..." he says, rambling.

"How do I look, sweetheart?" he asks honestly, his eyebrows pinched together.

"So delicious I could eat you with a spoon!" you answer, purring at him. He laughs.

"Oh, someone has a glasses kink, eh?" he jokes. "Good to know."

He opens his book to start reading and you scooch toward him on the couch. Desperate to be near him. Oh, those glasses are working for you!

"Whatcha readin' babe?" you ask brightly. He pulls his arm up, letting you slide under and against his chest.

I'm reading The Great Gatsby. Beardo's been readin' it and I forgot how good it is. I haven't read it since probably high school."

You smile.

"It's my favorite book, I think. I always loved it so much," you answer.

He smiles at you with a grin, his dimple on his cheek.

"Well then, why don't we read it together?" he says, and you nod, tucking yourself against him, your arm over his belly.

He opens the book to the first page, taking a breath. Ted's voice is low, with his Kansas drawl, but he speaks at an even measure. A low rumble in his chest you can hear as you're pressed against it.

In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since.

“Whenever you feel like criticizing any one,” he told me, “just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.”

You could recite this first part from memory, you've read it so many times. But you fall in love more with the sound of Teddy reading it. That passage, especially, sounds like something he would say.

He didn’t say any more, but we’ve always been unusually communicative in a reserved way, and I understood that he meant a great deal more than that. In consequence, I’m inclined to reserve all judgments, a habit that has opened up many curious natures to me and also made me the victim of not a few veteran bores. The abnormal mind is quick to detect and attach itself to this quality when it appears in a normal person, and so it came about that in college I was unjustly accused of being a politician, because I was privy to the secret griefs of wild, unknown men. 

You take a deep breath, sighing against him, as his arm around you starts to rub soft circles against your hip.

Most of the confidences were unsought — frequently I have feigned sleep, preoccupation, or a hostile levity when I realized by some unmistakable sign that an intimate revelation was quivering on the horizon; for the intimate revelations of young men, or at least the terms in which they express them, are usually plagiaristic and marred by obvious suppressions...

Ted's hand slips under the waistband of your sweatpants, rubbing along your panty hemline.

Your breath hitches, your hand caressing up and down his side as it's reached across him.

Reserving judgments is a matter of infinite hope. I am still a little afraid of missing something if I forget that, as my father snobbishly suggested, and I snobbishly repeat, a sense of the fundamental decencies is parcelled out unequally at birth.

His hand sneaks lower, cupping the flesh of your ass and your smooth thigh. His breath hitches as he reads on.

And, after boasting this way of my tolerance, I come to the admission that it has a limit...

Ted takes another deep breath, feeling his desire coursing...

Conduct may be founded on the hard rock or the wet marshes, but after a certain point I don’t care what it’s founded on...

You can't stand it anymore, sitting up to kiss him. His mouth is open and panting, his cheeks rosed blush from the warmth you've created inside him.

"Bedroom?" you ask, using few words as your breath heaves.

He nods.

"Glasses stay on," you suggest, holding his hand as he chases you into the bedroom.

---

I hope I did this justice. I think reading glasses Ted needs to make a comeback. Too sexy, too hot. And yes, glasses stay on. Ha! Thanks for the prompt, friend!

#ted lasso x reader #ted lasso fanfiction #ted lasso fanfic #glasses stay ON #ted would wear reading glasses and look so good in them #mmmmmmm yummy reading teddy

[celestiall0tus]

Miraculous Paradise - Chapter 18 - Terms and Conditions

Beginning || Previous || Next

            Void slipped in through her bedroom window. She closed the curtains as the light came on. Tikki, along with a human Fluff, Psyche, and Fang, all gathered in her room. Tikki knelt at a white cloth covering on the floor.

            “Put her here,” Tikki instructed.

            Void knelt and placed Widow on the floor. The arrows had long vanished that allowed the wounds to bleed freely. The illusion dissipated and Void woke up. She moved off the bed over to Widow.

            “I’m glad you got my message,” Void whispered.

            “Us too. Gave us time to contact Kaalki to get Sass’s miracle elixirs,” Tikki remarked.

            “What?”

            Tikki ignored Void as she took out a bottle with a green substance in it. She poured it on Widow’s wounds and healed them instantly. Void fumed while Widow sat up on her own.

            “How do you feel?” Tikki asked.

            “I feel… better. Thank you,” Widow said.

            “I’m glad. Now, are you hungry? Would you like something to eat?” Tikki offered.

            “I-,” Widow started.

            Psyche knelt and sat an inch from Widow’s face. “Let me see your eyes.”

            Widow leaned away while Psyche leaned closer. Widow was surprised by the genuine curiosity in Psyche’s eyes that darkened with deep sorrow and anger accompanied by tears.

            “You poor thing! Come here!” Psyche cried.

            Widow panicked and attempted to flee, but Psyche caught and hugged her. She fought to wiggle free, but Psyche refused to relent.

            “It’s ok. I have you. You aren’t alone anymore,” Psyche cooed.

            “Help me,” Widow begged.

            “Alright, Psyche, you’ve had your moment. Let her-,” Tikki started.

            Psyche honked and Tikki jumped back. “Back off. This little cygnet is mine.”

            “Psyche, you have Odette,” Fluff reminded.

            “Not like that. I will help this little cygnet. I don’t need to be her kwami to help her,” Psyche remarked.

            “That is a fair point,” Fluff admitted.

            “Hold up. What makes you think I want your help anyway?” Widow demanded.

            “Because you want to be loved and I can give you all the love you are deserving of,” Psyche answered.

            “We all will. In fact, why don’t we wake the girls?” Fang suggested.

            Fluff gasped. “Wonderful idea, Fang. Let’s go!”

            “Wait! Hold up! I didn’t ask for any of this!” Widow yelled.

            “Let’s go, cygnet. You’re going to absolutely love the girls.”

            Void and Tikki watched Psyche left with Widow. Tikki smiled and stood when Void grabbed her arm.

            “You lot had that stuff at the ready, but you didn’t use it on Marinette. You didn’t fix her body. The scars, her leg, arms, brain, voice, everything. You just let her suffer!” Void roared.

            Tikki sighed. “I told you before, Marinette’s beyond medicine, even miracle cures. At this point, there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with her. Sure, it could help with the brain trauma, but what’s happened to her body is outside of Sass’s domain. The only one that can fix her body is Terra and you were told the conditions for that.”

            Terra materialized as a kwami and perched on Tikki’s head. “I heard my name. What’s happened?”

            “We are discussing old terms and conditions,” Tikki answered.

            “Oh! You mean about the Marinette girl? I can still do all that stuff. I just need material.”

            “And someone would need to donate the flesh for it,” Tikki remarked.

            “Or you can create it,” Void countered.

            “You know, that is a good point,” Terra commented.

            Tikki paled and laughed nervously. “Anyway! We should check on the girls. Yes? Excellent!”

            Tikki retreated before Void could speak, leaving her with Terra.

            Terra sighed. “Never without fail.”

            “What’s her deal?”

            “Huh? Oh. She doesn’t like dealing with flesh. It makes her incredibly uneasy to work with those raw, earthly materials. She’s more accustomed to working with the cosmic energies and molding those. As such, she doesn’t like creating flesh. It’s usually a chore for me to ask her that I forget it’s an option. Otherwise, I just tell people I need donations of flesh to work with your kind.”

            “And that hasn’t changed here, has it?”

            “Well, if I can convince Tikki to provide the resources, I can see about fixing Marinette’s body.”

            “You can?”

            Terra nodded. “It really would be as simple once I get the material. The repairs are easy enough as her body is still intact. It’s not like having to mold new limbs, just fixing what’s beyond normal healing.”

            Hope flared in Void’s heart. She opened her mouth, then stopped and considered. “See if you can get Tikki on board. If you can, then ask Marinette if that’s what she wants. Let the final decision be hers.”

            Terra looked back in surprise, then smiled. “You are very considerate of her. She’s lucky to have you.”

            “You think so?”

            “Without a doubt.”

            Void smiled. “Thank you. Come. Let’s go check on the girls and the little one. I’m sure-.”

            Widow burst into the room and shut the door behind, locking it. “Hide me. Please. That Psyche lady is crazy! She keeps telling me I’m loved and smothering me with affection.”

            “Oh dear. I think Psyche went a bit overboard.”

            Void snickered. “Run along now. You should get back home and rest. You’ll need your energy for the fights to come.”

            “Come again? Do you honestly think I’m fighting this war with you insane lot?” Widow demanded.

            “Not at all. But you’re still going against the same enemies that we are. As such, you need to be at your strongest. We don’t need a repeat of tonight.”

            Widow opened her mouth, then shut it. “I’d rather not. I… underestimated them.”

            Void put a hand on Widow’s shoulder. “That’s ok. You know for next time. And should you fall next time, I’ll be there to help again.”

            “Why? What am I to you?”

            Void opened her mouth and reconsidered. “Trixx, reveal.”

            Trixx emerged from the necklace and transformed Bridgette back.

            Widow’s eyes widened seeing Bridgette’s eyes. There were years of pain and heartache she had seen only in her own eyes and that of her gang. Within all that pain was an understanding she had only seen in them as well. That amount of everything was impossible to fabricate, unlike the pretty words.

            “So… I’ll see you tomorrow?” Widow asked.

            Bridgette nodded.

            Widow gave an uneasy smile. She started towards the window, then doubled back and gave Bridgette a hug. Bridgette’s jaw dropped slightly before she returned the hug.

            “Stay safe,” Bridgette said.

            “I will. Until tomorrow.”

            Widow headed out the window. She paused and looked back as she longed to stay. She took a breath, stuffed it away for now, then headed back to Le Grand Paris.

~~

            Felix woke to his alarm. He cursed and shut it off. He laid in bed a moment longer before he rolled out. He headed down to the kitchen for breakfast and was greeted by the sight of Colt reading the news on his phone over breakfast. Felix groaned and turned to leave.

            “Stop right there.”

            Felix’s blood ran cold, and he froze.

            “Surprised you’re up so early given last night, Cat Noir.”

            Felix opened his mouth, but all word died on his tongue.

            “Sit.”

            Felix complied and sat across from Colt.

            “Care to explain why you were playing, what do we call that, a hero?”

            “I… I was asked to keep Paradise from happening in exchange for helping a lady with her finances as she fights too.”

            “Would that be the fox?”

            “…Yes.”

            “I see. And you’re aware that the peacock is Amelie, yes?”

            “…Yes.”

            “And you’re ok with fighting your dearest mother?”

            “For Adrien, yes.”

            Colt snorted. “Really? Since when did you care about the little brat? Or, perhaps, is it your mother shining through you and what she wants?”

            Silence.

            “That’s what I thought. Then it’d be a shame if either side found out about your betrayal to the family. Can’t imagine how your dear mother would take the news. Not to mention how Adrien would knowing that no one asked him what he wanted. Instead, you all make decisions for him. And here I thought you were trying to be better than me. Seems that didn’t last long, did it?”

            “What are you going to do?”

            “That all depends, doesn’t it? I can keep my mouth shut and watch the madness unfold, but we both know I’m not going to just sit back and enjoy the show without some input in it. As such, we are here now.”

            “Just spit it out already,” Felix hissed.

            “Watch your tone with me, boy,” Colt growled.

            Felix flinched and bowed his head.

            “Now, there’s no guarantee Amelie knows your secret, so we can attempt to keep it as long as possible before she learns of your betrayal. However, I will only keep this secret if you do a few things.”

            “What are your conditions?”

            “Under no circumstances are you to assist with this Paradise, but at the same time, do not engage with Amelie in combat. If she gets a good look at you up close, I’ve no doubt she’ll immediately recognize you. Furthermore, that fox woman, win her over.”

            Felix’s head shot up. “Win her over? What do you mean?”

            “She would be an incredible asset to the company with the power of illusion. Just imagine the possibilities. So, I want you to win her over. Preferably in a courtship.”

            “Absolutely n-!”

            “Or you can go with the young lady that your grandparents have picked for you.”

            “W-what?”

            “Yes. They were unhappy with your lack of motivation in finding a suitable bride, so, just like with Amelie, they picked one for you. So, unless you want a repeat of my and Amelie’s arrangement, I suggest you win over the fox by any means necessary.”

            “No way! I hate her.”

            “And I hate your mother, but you don’t see me complaining.”

            “I don’t care. That’s not what I want! Doesn’t that matter?”

            Colt sneered, reached over, and grabbed Felix’s face. Felix flinched at Colt’s grip but attempted to free himself. Colt hissed as he dug his nails into Felix’s face. Felix whimpered as he struggled to move away, but Colt kept him in place.

            “I don’t know when this started, but I thought you learned long ago that what you want is never a factor in the equation. You will do as you’re told for the good of the company, our legacy, and your inheritance. The fact that you even have this choice is a luxury you’ll never get again. Now, you’ll make a choice. You’ll either win over the fox, or you’ll accept the wretch your grandparents selected. So, what will it be?”

            Tears burned in Felix’s eyes, but he held them back. He took a deep breath in an attempt to soothe himself. “The fox. I choose the fox.”

            Colt considered and smiled. He released Felix and patted his shoulder. “Good choice, boy. Win her over by any means. Money seems to work best in my experience.”

            “Yes, sir.”

            “Excellent. Now, run along. Maybe take Adrien with you since you two are so close you’d become a glorified stripper for his sake. Maybe next time you’re on the news, you can give a proper show and leave the fox to the real work.”

            Felix didn’t respond. He turned and headed upstairs. Plagg materialized near Felix’s door, causing him to stop.

            “That was quite a show,” Plagg remarked.

            “Can it. I don’t want to hear it.”

            But, Felix, what you want was never part of the equation.”

            Felix’s breath caught as he clenched up.

            Plagg grimaced. “Look, it’s not my place, but just do what you want. If you don’t want to seduce the angry fox lady, then don’t. What you want does matter.”

            Felix shook his head. “No. I need to. I need… breakfast. I’ll be taking Adrien out, then going to see… her. If not her, then maybe, maybe Adrien can make a new friend.”

            “Felix,” Plagg said.

            Felix ignored Plagg and went into his room. Plagg snorted and vanished.

#miraculous #miraculous ladybug #miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir #au #miraculous au #alternate universe #mlb fanfic #fanfiction writer #fanfiction #fanfic #paradise au #paradise #bridgette cheng #zoe lee #void #tikki #widow #felix fathom #colt fathom #plagg #tw abuse #cw abuse #tw trauma #cw trauma

[cynthrey]

i think you’re missing the fundamental fact that scott KNEW about the content ecto posted about.

if you read the doc from ecto, he was given a list of warnings before he followed and supported ectos blog, to which he AGREED

he absolutely was saving face by taking back his support and pretending like he didn’t know

also ecto literally got doxxed directly following the clip of scott retracting support and then when he was told what happened to ecto, told them to get over it as if it was just a bit of normal internet hate

being for/against proship doesn’t matter at this point, it’s basic human decency NOT to dox people. if anyone really cared about it they would have called the bloody police instead rather than putting on such a performance to ruin someone’s career

sorry, i know the original point of your post was about the scott hate and i kind of got off topic, but i have a lot of strong feelings about the situation lol

I perfectly understand having strong feelings on this situation because, yeah, it was a very fucked up mess and thank you for talking about this in a civilized manner. The point on Scott telling Ecto this was just normal internet hate being a bad move on his end and that is basic human decency to not dox someone are actually points that I agree with, and like I've said yeah he should have at least told his audience to not harass Ecto.

But Ecto was already getting doxxed before Scott addressed the situation. Scott addressed the situation on October 9 (even if he doesn't adress who "the artist" is by name, he should had asked his audience to not harass them, even the original account to out Ecto said to not harass them) while Ecto on their document mentions the account ectothrowaway2 on twitter was attempting to find their personal info on the night of the 7th and already getting doxxed on the 8th. (if you meant that the doxxing intensified after Scott's statement then that's a fair point of criticism towards him).

Posting dead dove/don't eat and being a proshipper can overlap on the aspect of dealing with problematic content but they aren't strictly the same. I know people who produce dead dove too might get hate for "condoning problematic content" even when is done from their own trauma or depicting said problematic content in the negative light it deserves. And I agree with the sentiment of not harassing someone of the ships they indulge, but there does come a point where things are not as acceptable (I don't mean by this that past some point is okay to harass someone, just that at some point it becomes something not as justifiable under the lenses of fiction being fiction). Proshipping saddly is a term often used by those who are actually fine with shipping stuff such as underage characters and adults, incest and other problematic dynamics (I myself was not aware of the non-harassing part of the proshipping stance until this situation). What I mean is that they are not 100% mutually inclusive, you can make dead dove content and still think shipping problematic stuff the same way you ship non-problematic stuff is wrong.

Had Ecto mentioned right away they are a proshipper and Scott shown to have no problem with that until this whole situation then he would have absolutely been trying to save face. Ecto themselves mention the user who called them out found their NSFW account through Scott's following list so is not like he kept it a secret that he was following a NSFW artist, especially given the fact Ecto themself would put screenshots of his and Sausage's interactions with their art.

My point on Scott getting so much criticism when he did originally mean to help while Sausage, who was way closer to Ecto than Scott, did nothing yet he hasn't received as much criticism still stands. Sausage has been shouting out Ecto ever since Empires S2 if i recall correctly, they are as known in his community as E. Yet we had no word from him in this whole situation.

Scott deserves criticism for how he acted in this situation, yes, especially when talking to Ecto he should have been more tactful when talking with them in private too. But I don't think the situation is as black and white as him retracting his support for Ecto because it was inconvenient to him. I was disappointed in him too when this first started, him and Sausage, and only retracted my support after actually leaving Ecto messages and comments of support about 2 weeks later when I found out they are a proshipper, and tho I agree (hell even the user who originally called them out agreed this got out of hand) this was too much, I didn't feel comfortable supporting someone who stood for something I don't agree with.

EDIT cuz i realize i got off topic too

Yes, Ecto didnt deserve all this hate and frankly dangerous treatment towards them. Harassing someone to the point to have to be put on a suicide watch and their carreer ruined this way just because on an opinion on how to deal with media is like deciding the best way to deal with a mosquito is launching a nuke at it. If you find out someone indulges in something you don't approve of the best action to take is to block them and, if necessary, report them. Not harassing, not sending death threats, not trying to find where they live, not NOTHING that happened here

Even the person who called Ecto out apologized despite not liking them because this situation was got out of hand. Harassment wasn't justified IN THE SLIGHTLESS AND SHAME ON ANYONE WHO ACTIVELY PARTICIPATED ON THAT BULLSHIT INSTEAD OF BEING MATURE AND SIMPLY BLOCKING THEM

#ecto discourse

[momo-de-avis]

That last image is so interesting to me. Americans often ask me how Catholic portugal is because they see these religious holidays being official days off and they see celebrations on the streets, and they think there's no separation of church and state and we're practising catholics. Which makes sense! From the outside looking in, I would have thought he same! But the interesting thing is, our constitution actually forbids religious institutions to meddle with political affairs. Freedom of religion is explicitly stated in the constitution, but it should never interfere with political matters. However, this is a country with an extensive catholic history, and so many of our traditions are rooted in catholicism. Mardi Gras is a major event, there are parades, school is off and everyone dresses up (it's our halloween), but not a lot of people attend Ash Wednesday mass anymore. Easter is extremely important because it's a family day, but only practising catholics practise lent and abstain from meat. Summertime is essentially one three month long celebration of many saints, all of them with different practises. So many people still jump the fire on St John's day, or even bury St Anthony because they want to find love. And they're still not practising catholics.

So let me tell you a story. Years ago, during Troika so around 2008, our then centre-right government decided that, to increase productivity overall, some holidays were going to end. This means, days like 8th of December (immaculate conception), and as far as I remember, 15th of August (assumption day) were not days off, per government mandate, anymore. They were just another work day.

Now, there were other holidays that were taken away (October 5th, which is repulbic day, was one of them) and they tried to balance things, so half religious and half historical. But the point of the matter is we had more work days a year because of this.

And people were absolutely pissed about this. Troika era was fucking awful in many ways, and this was one of the hardest moments in many people's lives. I mean, for some perspective, murder-suicides increased horrifically because poverty was escalating so much. But this was where we went "they fucking lost it". Because setting aside the whole issue that working 4 days more in a year will NOT increase productivity and it's a fallacy, what the people saw here was a government taking away the people's right to rest. Practicing catholics were offended that they couldn't honour their beliefs, and non Catholics or non practicing catholics were insulted that they couldn't have an extra day off in these dates especially because many of them would fall on a friday and they could have a long weekend.

I always joke in my tours when someone asks me if we're catholic and say that we are mostly non practicing, but you take away a saint's celebration and there will be a revolution. And it's true. Because it has become part of the culture. Most of us will eat meat and not practice lent, but on easter everyone is eating folar and almonds. Now, even the belief that it is my god given right to have this day off because it's a holiday, religious or not, is rooted in a long history of catholicism. In catholic countries, rest is fundamental. Enjoying your life in a moment of rest is extremely important. You see it in here, Spain, Italy, Greece, etc.

So I think the shock comes down not to catholicism or religious holidays being days off. It comes down to labour laws. Because also from my niche experience, with americans being just an example here, this is indeed strange to them. But they love it. It's one of the many things they say makes them feel so welcomed.

But do you want an even more striking example of this? Last food tour I did, there was a huge protest going on. I mean thousands on the streets. They naturally asked me what it was, and I told them this was the result of an ongoing strike by teachers who were fighting for public school, gor better work conditions and pay. They all said, oh that's amazing, I hope something comes out of it!

Then we started the tour and we get to Ginjinha, and I look at the huge line and start laughing to myself, and I do mean the line was ENORMOUS. So I stop them, point at the line and say "this, what you're seeing right here, is the most Portuguese thing im the world. Because these are all protestors. They all have shirts and posters saying "for the right of our public education", but THIS is how you do a protest in Portugal. Go out and fight, but on god, I need my pause for lunch, dinner and a glass of ginjinha"

#domt reblog cause i don't want discourse #it's just my ramblinf

[omentranslates]

Owari no Seraph volume 31 author's afterword english fan translation

Hi hi hi! I'm a few days late, but since the volume itself won't be out in english for like a year hopefully I'm still good lol

For anyone who's curious now I hope this helps and thanks for reading!

"Afterword

I'm going talk spoilers a little, so people who skip to the afterword gotta back it up. Are you gone? Not yet? I told you to go back and read it!

As for everyone who's already read it, welcome to the new volume! Which is to say, I think this volume had a pretty sizeable lore drop. The fundamental basis of the work won't change volume to volume, but I really feel the beauty in them each being about their own battles. So then, we're returning to the modern day where all the paths converge, to see what all different choices will be made from within both the hope and despair that come with living only for the present! Starting from the next volume, things are really going to spark off, so I hope you'll all follow along!!!

There's also the matter, of course, of me attending the autograph event in Sapporo! It's been a while! I want to thank everyone, but as I say that I'm actually writing this afterword before heading to Hokkaido. Ever since I went on a weeklong roadtrip in Hokkaido, I've gotten excited whenever my plans take me back there. I'm also really looking forward to the day before because the previous and current manager have promised we'll eat some good food, but at that time I was asked by the previous manager to do my very best to take care of myself. If I'm going to be unhealthy, please do it the week BEFORE!

Will do! I wonder if it'll be easy or not! (lol). And thinking that gets us on the topic of musicians who play the big stages like the Tokyo Dome and how they might manage their health before that. I mean, the pressure must be incredible. To the point they'll do stuff like carrying a humidifier around with them, right? And here I am gulping down vitamin shakes in my pajamas, facing the desk tired out of my mind and with my heart racing from the caffeine. I really have to respect the type of person that can tackle the pressure of an outside-facing job.

Ok so, moving on, recently I've heard something I think is a matter of course, that if you don't tell the people you take for granted that you'll see all the time how much you appreciate and treasure them, they won't know, so I thought I'd take the opportunity to say what I mean quick. So with that, to all my readers, thank you for coming along up to this most recent volume! It's thanks to you all that I'm able to spend my days enjoyably.

I'd also like to thank Furuya-san for always providing the wonderful storyboards. Even though me and my late manuscripts cause nothing but trouble. Whenever I come up against a challenging situation, he's always saying "why didn't you tell me, we're friends aren't we?" and in those moments I'm completely overwhelmed with emotion. I'm excited to keep working with him. I think it's thanks to him that our team is so coordinated.

And I'd like to thank Yamamoto-san for the always beautiful manga. Even when I carelessly bang out grand scenes that are, to put it plainly, not made with artist's ease in mind, they always deliver. Or rather, it's their professionalism that makes me trust their ability to deliver that I'm always so thankful for. It's thanks to Yamamoto-san that Owari no Seraph shines the way it does. I think I've caused them some suffering with my late manuscripts, but I'll work even harder to do better from now on, so I'm excited to keep working with them as well.

It's already been 10 years for our team, out of the multiple tens of years humans tend to live. I'm grateful to everyone, and to that end I think it's a good idea to speak up and let them know. Truly, thank you so much. So with that, it's already time to put this next volume into overdrive. Everyone, please look forward to and support it!

Kagami Takaya"

#owari no seraph #seraph of the end #english translation #yeah sorry about that i got sick lmao

[theslightlyaggressiveaffirmer]

Starting Therapy

We first realised Anger Therapy was for me when my best friend took me to a Smash Space for my birthday - one of those rooms where they give you baseball bats and crowbars and shit, and just let you loose on a bunch of crockery.

People asked her to take video of me, and she did, but we never showed it to anyone because it was... frankly, disturbing. I am absolutely unhinged in some of it, just the smashing and the screaming and crying - and the stuff that I am saying.

She was the best possible person to be with me, because I had absolutely no inhibitions around her, and nothing that I said or screamed or cried needed explaining to her. She was there for Trauma A, not only the first, but the deepest-set, the most fundamentally soul-altering - The Alpha Trauma. And she was there for all the others. So she'd be like "who's that jar?" and when I told her she would say "oh fuck him up". And fuck him up I did.

Nearly caused myself a seizure from over exertion.

So anyway...

It's taken a good while, but I have finally managed to find a psychologist who is qualified to do Anger Management Therapy with me. We've been through what my many traumas are, and I am currently assigned homework.

Every day, I have to beat the ever loving shit out of a pillow, pretending that it is a person (or thing) from my traumatic past. Normally she'd recommend a punching bag or something, but because the slightest exertion risks a seizure, I'm doing it very small scale. Afterwards, I must do something that brings down my heartrate and that is very relaxing. I've been eating chocolate and reading fanfic.

I need to start writing letters to the people from my past. Not every day, but frequently. I have to write their actual names at the top, and sign them, because the act of doing that makes my brain feel like I have genuinely written to them, even though I obviously don't send them.

I am still allowed to write enraged poetry.

I haven't started on #2 yet. My dog is not a fan of #1.

#anger management

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 4/18/2023

I said I was gonna do it and I did it: I finished chapter 4, which as predicted, ended up being chapters 4 and 5. (I really don't know how I thought it could be otherwise...even after the split, Chapter 4 ended up being the longest chapter in the whole thing, nearly twice as long as most of the other ones). Yesterday, I re-read Chapters 1-6. I had to kinda steel myself, because I was honestly terrified it was going to be Terrible, but it's Not Too Bad, Actually! I sent Chapters 2 and 3 off to the beta. I want to let 4 and 5 simmer a little longer before I do a little more minor editing on them, but it shouldn't be much. I definitely thought Ch 6 was going to Tonally Off, but it's actually ok, too.

It's really hard to emphasize the mess this thing was as recently as two weeks ago. I honestly cannot believe I have pulled it into the shape that it's in. I mean, I'm not gonna claim this is my magnum opus or anything, but it's sort of a very personal accomplishment. Part of that is because it's easy to write nice romance stories where they kiss at the end, or straightforward angst, but writing a prequel about a weird time in someone's life where they go through a really uncomfortable transition is not easy and it's sort of fundamentally unsatisfying. Of course it is, because it's a building block of a relationship that's going to take another 40 years before it starts looing up again. I don't particularly know if it's something people want to read, but it's what I wanted to write and I did.

Anyway, I am feeling very high on my horse today, but I do still have one chapter left to go. It's got three scenes. I have not looked at them lately, but two of them are Mostly Okay, but need endings. The third one really was Tonally Wrong and also I pillaged it for dialogue in another scene, so that will take some work, but overall, it's a lot less than I had to do last week and feels very doable.

After that, it'll still need some minor edits and polish (plus there's always the chance my beta is going to be like Polynya, this is gibberish, not that she ever has, but it'll happen one of these days) but maybe you'll get to see it soon! Believe it!!

I have been really off my art game and it's primarily because this fanfic has been eating my brain. I might do a little sketch requests thingie? For a treat? After I'm done, obvs. I am also going to work on that smut I started weeks ago. I didn't lose interest in it or anything, I just got really wrapped up in this one.

Anyway, because I love you and you have all been very, very patient with me, you can have a lil baby excerpt this week.

from Chapter 3

Rukia isn’t sure what she expected to see when she enters the dojo, but it certainly isn’t Renji sitting on the floor, poring over a large book. “Where’s Mr. Mochida?” she asks.

“Not up yet, probably. I don’t know,” Renji says, flipping a few pages.

Rukia narrows her eyes at him. “I thought you said it was time for training.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“But Mr. Mochida is in charge of training.”

“Well, yeah, but I found this book yesterday, you see, and I really want to try some of the stuff in it.”

“So when you said ‘training’, what you meant was ‘Renji bullshit.’”

“Sure, okay, but you wouldn’t get out of bed if I told you it was Renji bullshit.”

Rukia levels a death glare at him, but it is deflected by the protective layer of Renji bullshit hovering around him. She tries a different tack. “Renji, look at my yukata. Look at it, Renji. It’s got bunnies on it. Little itty bitty bunnies.”

Renji looks up, stares at her for exactly ten seconds, and then jabs a finger at his book. “Body weight exercises, Rukia! They require no equipment, so you can do them anywhere! This book has them all broken out by which muscle groups they make stronger!”

Rukia gives up, and hunkers down beside him. “Oh! It has pictures.” “They aren’t pictures, they’re diagrams,” Renji informs her pompously. “I want to do this one. It’s called push-ups. It will make our arms really strong!”

#writing update #art update

[anotherbluesunday]

✨Intertidal Moodboards: Ch.9✨

Drawing in a sigh, Tyler swallowed it down as he sat back up. Looked up at the underside of the striped veranda. "Guess I got to accept mine now."

Wait, what? "Weren't you going to any way?"

"I was considering not this year. The swells are expected to be more intense because it's an El Nino year. But if you go, I go."

"You don't have to do this."

Tyler gave me only half a smile as he tilted his head off to one side. "Scraps...come on."

"I'm serious."

"So am I. You honestly think I'm going to let you paddle out into some of the biggest waves on the planet alone? I don't care if you've been riding for fifteen years or fifty. I'm not letting you do it solo." Unfolding his arms after a long tense moment had passed between us, Tyler picked up his fork after setting his napkin down on his left leg. "Stop staring at me like a bonehead, you're soup's getting cold."

Following his example, I started eating. But even then the atmosphere didn't feel right. Something had shifted. Something fundamental and it felt terrible--like I was keenly aware of my own mortality in that moment and his as well. As if that brief burst of brotherly concern and adamant refusal to let me ride alone had put into perspective the gravity of what we were setting out to do and the weight of the consequences if we failed.

"Take me to Cortes tomorrow," I asked him, looking at Ty with the same nervousness I felt as a kid when I asked him to take me with surfing even though mom and dad had told him not to. Tyler looked up at me, hesitant words hanging back on his tongue as I stared back at him. "I need to see what they'll be like. The waves at Maverick's. The closest we have here is Cortes."

Mouth opening a bit then closing, I could see him mulling things over. The gearing grinding away in there.

"Fine," Ty said, words tight; nearly bitter liked he didn't want to agree to it. "We'll do Cortes tomorrow."

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read up on the action using the link below before the getting gets good. 🤙🏻

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#tyler galpin #wednesday addams #wyler #weyler #wednesday #tyler x wednesday #wednesday x tyler #weyler fanfiction #weyler fanfic #wyler fanfiction #wyler fic #wyler wip #wyleredit #weyler edit #wednesday netflix #netflix wednesday #archive of our own #ao3feed #ao3fic #ao3 fanfic #ao3 #read on ao3 #intertidal fic #surfer tyler galpin #surfer au #surfer #socal #socal story #surf culture #fanfic writers