#I have so many wonderful memories of my grandparents and I want to remember grandma the way she was before dementia

[khodorkovskaya]

14.07.23

watched my mum's homevideos yesterday and omg

maybe my grandparents did love each other, despite what my grandma claims..? bc every day she's like "thank god i don't have a man" or "my retirement wouldve been miserable if he was still alive". but they looked so happy in those videos! idk i feel like everyone's been super unfair to my grandpa bc he was ill by the end of his life and it was literally not his fault he went crazy like he had a medical problem. yes, okay, he did try to kill my grandma and my auntie with an axe, but it's sad that it's the only thing he's remembered for! and i don't think he was an alcoholic like my grandma claims. on all videos they took shots together and my mum said that he never drank in the house. i think he was just depressed and homesick and no one loved him and that's why he was miserable by the end of his life. i would've definitely vibed with him, i know it!

but yeah the videos were mostly of lviv. and they made me homesick even tho ive never been to lviv. but seeing my greatgrandma and all of those distant relatives ive never met made me feel this kind of longing for a time ive never experienced. everyone was always smiling and laughing and they all looked so happy. and beautiful. and i love how back in the day women wore those little babushka headscarves, i want to start wearing one too.

it's a shame that there is no audio bc there are many videos of my greatgrandmother singing and my mum said that ukrainian singing is the most beautiful thing in the world. and i would've loved to hear it. it's sad to imagine that so many folk songs and traditions have probably been lost.

there was also a video of my other greatgrandma's funeral. she was married off to a man 10+ years her senior and had 10 children. she was illiterate. and she died at 68. i wonder what she was like.

and on the video you see all of her children. and now the only one left is my grandma, the rest have passed away long ago. both her sons went to jail, one of them commited suicide and the other killed his wife. the son of the one who killed his wife is on the videos too, there's a video of his wedding. he worked with khodorkovsky and fled to lithuania after the whole yukos case thing. he's in his 70s now.

another woman from the videos i would've loved to meet was auntie nadia. she looked so wonderful! my own auntie went to visit lviv for the first time in like 30 years in 2013. and she saw auntie nadia and she was like 76 and had trouble walking. i hope she's still alive. she looked so wonderful! she couldn't have children of her own, so she took care of all the neighbourhood kids and everyone loved her, she was so lovely.

but yeah, time is weird. it's even weird to think that my greatgrandmother had a name, you know? idk how to explain it, but we're so used to our ancestors just being our ancestors that it's weird to imagine that they had all these whole lives of their own with their own friends and ups and downs and memories and dreams. like my greatgrandmother was called pani yankevichova (no idea how that would be spelled in polish sorry) or anastasia grigorievna or maybe she even had a nickname, who knows. and my other greatgrandmother was called arina but apparently that wasn't russian enough so her passport name was irina. and her husband called her arisha. i wonder how she felt constantly being pregnant and living in poverty...

even my own grandma, i dont really know know her. like yes, she's my grandmother and we used to be very close before she got really old and started having memory issues. i used to call her every day when id come home from school, we would skype for hours, she was my best friend. but seeing her on those videos of when she was in her 30s is like wow who is that? and seeing all of them hanging out in lviv and singing and dancing and hugging each other and drinking together and omg there were some clips of them eating what i think is pierogi/pelmeni/vareniki..? everything is in black and white but yummmm. my mum always told me that her lviv grandma's food was delish. but yeah, i would've loved to time travel to meet all of them. </3

#july

[stargazer-sims]

Victor + Crocodile + Hamster + Smiling

Here's another one @dandylion240. I didn't realize how many there were. I'm still working my way through them.

I'm putting this one under a cut because it has a content warning

__________

Not everything has to have meaning. Sometimes a smiling crocodile figurine is just a smiling crocodile figurine. Sometimes a plush hamster is just a plush hamster.

If nursing has taught Victor anything, it's that death is a part of the cycle of life. Everyone dies eventually, whether by natural means, by somebody else's hand or by their own. He's learned to accept death, and not to tear himself apart inside, wondering if he could've done anything differently or fruitlessly wishing for things to go back to the way they'd been.

He's also come to realize sentimentality is often misguided, that too much emphasis gets placed on the wrong things. He's seen people cry over clothing, stuffed animals, jewellery or locks of hair, apparently convinced the memory of their loved one resides in that object. As much as he sometimes wants to, he can't tell them that the object is meaningless. They need to learn that on their own, as he did.

He picks up the crocodile and puts it into the plastic bag which the family will collect later. The crocodile is followed by the hamster, the baseball cap, the handful of toy cars. He doesn't linger over any of them like he would have done at the beginning of his career.

It's not that he's lost his empathy. He can still be sad, but now it's sadness in the removed, intellectual sense; the passing sadness one feels when hearing about a plane crash or a natural disaster on the news. He won't cry for this child. Now, he understands what his nursing school instructors meant by professional detachment, and it's served him well. Because of it, he can still go home to his family and have enough emotional energy left to love and care for them.

No, the echo of the lost boy isn't in the smiling crocodile any more than the echo of Victor is in any object he values. He wouldn't want Yuri and Caroline to hold onto old things of his, imagining they would somehow — as the cliché goes — keep part of him alive, just as he wouldn't want to hold onto things of theirs. That, he is certain, would ensure the wounds would never close, and he should know. He held on to that old family photograph long enough, tormenting himself with the belief that he would forget his father and sister if he ever stopped looking at it.

But, he hadn't forgotten.

Letting the picture go was freeing. Releasing it from the burden of meaning he'd arbitrarily assigned to it did not erase his memories. If anything, it strengthened them. It allowed him to give up his grief and guilt, to focus on the good things, and to let himself begin to heal at last.

He leaves the room and drops the bag on the desk at the nurses' station. He hopes the boy’s family won't hold onto the things for too long.

This isn't his last task of the shift, so he consults the patient notes and moves on.

As he works, he thinks about his own family. Even when he's apart from them, his husband and daughter are always with him in his mind. His mother, stepfather and everyone else he loves are there as well. Even his father, sister and paternal grandparents, long departed, will never truly leave him. They will always be there, intricately and inextricably woven into the fabric of his life.

That's where the meaning is, he decides. Photographs, plush animals, grinning crocodile figurines... anything physical can be lost or destroyed, but experiences cannot.

Don't try to remember me by the pictures I leave behind, his Grandma Lydia, a gifted artist, had written during her last days. Remember me by the smile my memory paints in your heart.

#sapphire answers #writing #tw death #tw death mention #victor nelson #stargazersims

[sambltrs12]

Samantha Ballesteros 

G11-St. Francis

/\/\/\ Blog /\/\/\

Autobiography

My name is Samantha Ballesteros but you can call me Sam. I am 16 years old and I live in Brgy San Jose Cuyapo Nueva Ecija. I was born on December 12 2005. My mother's name is Leah Ballesteros and my father's name is Marvin Ballesteros and I have one brother and his name is Dale Kian Ballesteros. My hobby is playing badminton and watching movies. And also I love dogs because they make me happy. I'm a Bts fan that's why my favorite color is purple. I had a happy childhood living with my family. I remember during weekends we usually spend our day in the park. We helped each other in our daily activities. My family was a happy and loving family.

I start studying when I was five. My grandparents are the ones who served as my babysitter since my parents weren't home for work so they enrolled me in a Daycare Center. You may not believe this but my grandma told me that I always cry in school because im scared to those people that I'm not familiar with. My elementary days are incredibly awesome I gained many friends, I achieved honors and awards. It's been quite that studying six years on the same school but it's totally fine with me because I have friends to laugh with, have fun with, and learn with. I graduated from San Jose Elementary School and became a high school here in Saint Pius X Institute and I can say that I enjoy studying here and even though it is difficult sometimes I enjoy it and I learn a lot. Attending a catholic school helped me to grow academically, in my faith and as a person, giving me high moral standards. I am motivated to create the best possible future for myself and have worked very hard to set that up and achieve my goals in life.

The saddest part that happened in my life was when my mother left me when I was a child and my mother and my father separated. For me, it's hard to grow up without a mother who supports you, I always wonder if there is still a chance for us to meet because until now we still have no communication with each other. So I feel a little bad for her because of what she did to us but I also thought that God will not give it to us if we can't do it and there is no reason. So even though it's hard, I try to fight and never lose hope that one day we'll meet again and I'll feel the love of a mother for her child. That's why I'm so grateful to my dad and my grandparents who took care of me from the beginning until now and I love them so much.

Even though that's what happened in my life, I'm still thankful because there are good things that have happened to me since I was a child until now. I remembered that every my birthday there was always a lot of food prepared with cake and balloons, I always played with my friends, wandered with my parents and happily bathed in the rain as cold as ice because that was one of my favorite things to do as a child. One of my best childhood memories are those playing in the park, learning to ride a bike, handwriting lessons and buying ice cream. I enjoyed my life the way I want and to be with people I love.

These memories leave an everlasting impression in my life. During my childhood I was carefree and had no worries at all. I used to wander like a deer in the open fields. There are a certain incidents that are still fresh in my memory. One of these is when we were playing and while running I stumbled and crippled. I'm always thinking that time flies when you're having fun, I treasure every moment I experienced and it was so happy and I want to go back. But now I'm enjoying life and studying to graduate and get a job soon and fulfill my dreams.

[finsterhund]

God why is it so hard for my mom to take cuttings from my beloved childhood willow tree and send them to me. Does she really just value me and my interests and the things I hold dear so lowly she won't just pop down less than a block from where she currently lives and break off some sticks and wrap them in moist paper towel in a ziplock bag and mail them to me??? My newfound toddler years interest resurgence of tree propagation is the only positive I've talked about in my life since I lost my baby girl. It's the only passion I've had available to tell her when she wants small talk about "the good things" in life. Willow is easy as fuck to propagate. Every two months it seems she'll mail the closest equivalent they have to chic tracts but apparently something I grew up with that makes me happy is too much to ask. Not to go full blown psychotic tangent but grandma and grandpa would have sent me cuttings to propagate. Might have even propagated them for me first and mailed them the fancy proper way. I don't know.

I'll have mom talk about the oak trees my grandparents planted and "I wonder what happened to them" and how they were planted so close together they sorta grew into each other and then in the same breath doesn't understand that I want to share in a memory with her like that. She used to garden!!! Even included me!!! What happened??? Suddenly she just doesn't want to encourage this? It was her that helped make sure my saplings didn't die way back when. This is an actual positive memory I have together. She says she wants a relationship with me but just... I don't fucking understand anything. Conditional love? Apathy? Inability to empathize with me and my values? God. I am so tired.

This is the one thing I fucking care about right now but she just doesn't support. She remembers when we propagated pussywillow cuttings and of how they had to be fucking murdered out of the yard. Chemical warfare shit. because the neighbors were worried about their plumbing. We literally discussed this. How we literally in the past propagated a similar species from cuttings. And she's in the same breath acting like she's incapable of sending me cuttings from a very important tree in my life. Now I'm terrified that she's doing the thing she literally did with all my childhood dogs that I explicitly told her was fucking destroying and hurting me badly and that those cult bastards who bought the school murdered my tree and she's trying to hide it from me or some shit. Just like everything fucking else. "Best" case scenario (in regards to her) she's literally doing the same grief traumatization denial shit I've gotten after her for over and over and over again. Worst case scenario she literally doesn't want to take a detour walking her new puppy to mail me some damp sticks when she literally mails me guilt trip shit no problem. And honestly I prefer the worst case scenario because if those bastards killed my willow tree after everything else they've done I am going to fucking riot.

I'm waiting on a surgery to help me live with one of my many fuck shit chronic conditions, it's coming up to the one year anniversary of my beloved service dog's fight with cancer ending, my roommate's car apparently can't make the drive there, etc. I can't just go back there to take plant cuttings myself yet. This would be the tiniest gesture to give me a massive amount of comfort right now and just... Nope.

I keep thinking about going back there and propagating cuttings of literally every single emotionally significant from my childhood plant that I can get my hands on. The cherry trees, the three trees, the walnut trees, the chestnut trees, the fruit trees from the front yard of the Spot house, etc. Clone every single tree I have a nostalgic memory of and then grow them in my bedroom under grow lights and maybe I'll fucking have a reason to live again. I want to make a bonsai of a cutting (identical clone) of the willow tree that I train to look like the willow tree. Bring it with me. That tree, among others, was so important in my life. It had like a religious status in elementary school.

Also on that topic I could propagate cuttings from whatever is still surviving on my grandparents farm. So even if they never fucking let me take it over and it continues to rot into the ground I can still have identical clones of the beloved windbreak trees and the oak trees and the crabapples.

And yeah. I don't just want to "find a different willow tree" when you can literally clone the one that's so important in my life. I couldn't possibly take the whole tree with me, it's too big and the roots are too vast and the cult weirdos would freak out. But identical clone? Yes.

But yeah thinking about it now and my mom saying she "might" try to look for acorns but not take cuttings from the willow tree doesn't make sense because comparatively the willow tree is much more convenient.

So now I'm terrified that the willow tree was murdered. Its root system was the only thing preventing the school grounds from turning into a lake in the spring though so at least I know those bastards will suffer for it.

#text post #negative

[cityofdreams-writing]

Casa de Fantasmas, Casa de Memorias

Rating: E

Pairing: None

Word Count: 7.3K

Genre: Other (Horror)

Warnings: Body horror, gore, blood, mentioned death, major character death, murder, monsters, fear of the outside, and violence. I think that's it, please let me know if I missed anything.

Author: @cityofdreams-writing

Description: You are in a house full of ghosts. Unfortunately, one more joins the mix tonight.

Notes: A Halloween special for y'all, hope you enjoy it! Struggled through writer's block for this one. There is demon text in there, and it says "RUN, RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN", "RUN CHILD RUN", "DON'T STAY", "HELP ME", "STAY", and "GET ME OUT OF HERE" for those who have trouble reading it. Sorry if the ending seems a little rushed, I wanted to get this out before Halloween.

Soundtrack: None

It's 7 PM.

The clock on my bedside nightstand shows the time in big, bright red numbers.

The room is silent, except for the mechanical clicking of the clock. I really need to fix it.

The bed creaks beneath me as I sit up. I haven't gone downstairs in days, and I haven't left my bed in hours. I go to the bathroom to at least try and comb a hand through my dirt-matted and tangled hair. The mirror is filthy.

It's filled with spiderweb cracks and has grime on the surface from disuse, but it still shows me what it can.

The sight is…ugly, horrid, even, to say the least.

But I don't give a shit.

Nobody ever does, anyway, the cynical voice in my head whispers.  

I walk to the stairwell, where it's entirely dark. I forgot how far down these stairs go. 

Ghosts of my abuelos (grandparents) and my padres (parents) live in this home. After all, it was their home. First my abuelos owned this home and then my mom and dad. I was their only child.

I wonder what they'd think of me now, a mere kid living in an adult body, who can't pay the bills and can't even take care of themself. Who lives in darkness with dirt wreaking havoc all over their once-beautiful home. Our casa (house) has seen better days. And soon its time will come, too. 

"¿Están orgullosos de mi, abuelo? ¿Abuela? ¿Están orgullosos lo que hice a su casa?" (Are you proud of me, grandpa? Grandma? Are you proud of what I did to your home?") I laugh, and the sound is foreign, almost deranged. 

The ghosts have no answer, only silence. It's probably their way of saying that they're disappointed in me.

My body hurts everywhere. I've been taking longer naps than usual. My usual nap being for a day, and my longer-than-normal ones being three days on average.

I look outside my bedroom window. It's hard to believe the dismal sight outside was once a gorgeous sight. It was straight out of a fairy tale. Wild wisteria and orchids bloomed freely, along with so many other flowers of all shapes, colors and sizes. 

There would be fireflies everywhere and the sunset was beautiful.

And now?

The trees make scary shadows on the ground, claws stretching into the darkness that consumes them. The only things that remain are the dead remains of flowers and ghosts of memories.

It makes one feel bitter, seeing the sight of it.

How did it get to this state, you ask?

I stopped taking care of everything, including myself. After 2020 happened, I didn't even want to get up out of bed in the morning, much less take meticulous care of all of my inherent property.

I pause. A shiver runs through my bones. Something is wrong, I can feel it. I can feel the floorboards beneath me.

They're moving. They...they're...b-breathing?

W-what's going on?

I throw something down. The echo is far away. Did the staircase get longer while I was sleeping or something? I don't remember it being so far down.

I go back to my room, where I see a rope on the floor. Ah yes. That rope has been there since I tried to hang myself on September 3, 2021.

I pick it up with a robotic motion. Damn, even moving seems foreign to me now.

I lurch back to the stairwell, tying one end to the railing and throwing the other down. I have no choice but to climb down, into unknown territory.

The going is slow and torturous. I take shaking breaths with every pull. I finally reach the bottom, cautiously toeing at the ground to make sure it's...well...not gonna eat me or something. Literally, anything is possible, since the house has lived in a state of ruin for nearly three years now.

I put my feet on the ground, then fumble for a light switch. Surprisingly it works, albeit very faint light emits from the lone lightbulb on the ceiling.

I gasp a little at the state of the once colorful walls, now bleached and grime climbing the surfaces.

The floor isn't much better, as a few critters scuttle across it, the light being too much for them.

I grimace. Just how long has it been since I cleaned this place?

The doors are barely seen through all the sludge on the walls. I can just barely see the door that says "cocina" (kitchen).

A slight vibration is felt under the floorboards. My hands tremble and I can feel my heart thud loudly under my chest.

My foot hits a loose one and I wince, but gasp, realizing that this one can be pulled out. I pull and tug at it, and it finally comes off. I push it aside, and there's something...rising and falling...?

A small...creature? It seems to be sleeping; I don't know what to do.

Suddenly, two red eyes open from the darkness.

"AAAAH!" I shriek and scramble backward, falling on my ass as I do so. The small creature rises out of the empty gap on the floor. It's like some sort of...furball? It's all black, with red eyes and an unsettling smile. The teeth are sharp and pointed, perfect for cutting flesh.

I almost smile, but then am stopped when suddenly floorboards explode in front of my feet and the breathing is getting louder...

R̸̨͎̭̝̙̝͎͂̀̆̒̓̓̄͆͂͂̈́̚̚͜U̷̲̜̾̉͌́͐ͅN̷̨̙̫̜̟͚̞̜̭̊̅̅͆͌͊̀̕͘͜͝,̷͓̬̮̪̮̳̗̬̱̭͕̲̠̾͛̏͆̀̓̍̆̕͜͠ ̶̨̙̜͎͎͇̭̻͙̝̥͒̇̊͂̃̾̈́̅̅̊͐̈́͆́͆Ŗ̶̹̤͙̥̠̗̠̜̉̿͋U̵̜͎̤͆͗̈́̋̂̓̿͂̍̇͐͘͘͘͘N̶̥̭̩̍̄̎̓̔̀̃͗̎̆͛̄̌̄͝ ̵̧̨̞̣̙̬͔̥͔̻̇͋̂̃͂͑͗̑͋̚̚ͅW̷̧͉̝̗̹̥̮͚̖̩̰͖̓H̷͙̜̍̾̈́͝Į̷̧̳͈̱̦̫̩̖̤͕͎͇̅̍͜ͅĻ̸̧̰̣͚̫́̉͐̉̀́̏̈́͜Ë̶̡̧̡͇̙̺̥̯͉̩̥̪́̇̄̿́̈͝ ̷̡̲͚͓̠̈͐́̈́̓͊̈̄̀̌̏̚͘͝Ý̴̬͔̪͎̜̥̙̔̑͌̉͋̀͒͠͝O̸̰̩̝͇̮̱̤̹̳̜͓͈͚͑͜ͅÛ̵̡͈̰͚̀̏̎̆ ̴͇̣̟̬̎̒̎͗͊͠S̶̢͓̰̙̭̲̓̇͗̏̽̊͛́̇̂͌̏̕͘͝T̷̢̧̡̟͕͛̒͒̎̏͂̍̀̊̀̾I̸̭̻͛͒͑͊̽̆͛̀͗̍̽̅͘̚͠L̶̡̼̀̎͋͐̄̀̂͂̅͂̆̐̚̕͠ͅL̴̢̙̙̟̘͉̩͇͔̠͓͚̤͕̄͗̉̈́͐̀̀̐̀̂̚͘̚̕͜ ̸̡͎͚̩̙̥͇̗͙̞͈͕̬̝̖̂̄̔̑̍̋͆͌͐̈́͊͝C̸͈͇͈̹͉̘̦̯͓͖̖͔͇͑̽̄̎͛͆̽́̿̅̕Ȧ̵͎̮̗͍̬̘̙̂N̴͉̞̜̲̮̪̤̫͚̲͌̊̾̈́̆̈́̚͘ͅ

R̷̛̮̥̻͍̪̱̩̯̉̊̈́͗̂̌̈́̂̃͐͗̍͝U̵͉̳̟̓͋̄͒̾̈̓̽̽̀̕͝͝ͅN̷̨͈̣̞͇͂̎̄̓̂̽̒̃̓̀͝ ̴̢̢̛̫̙̖̩̻͍͎̹͔̗̄͆́͑̃̽́̓͜C̸̺͇̘̞̱̠̮̫̳͆͑͑̈́̋̽̈͆́̀͂̍͜͠H̴̨͔̮̱̭̝̯̼̓͛͐̓͐̄͐͆͐̚ͅI̶͚̲̼̳̱͈̭̰̣͈̠̙̎͂̀̈́̌͋̐̇̚͝L̸̡̤̭͇͙̔̓̽̀̊̚͝D̴̨̯͍̮̥̮̺͕͚̼̼̳̿̒͊ ̵̛̺͙͇͇̲̜̦̥͍̮̍̏͐̃͑͊̋̂̉͠͝R̸̢̼͖̗͚̹̪͕̞͔̗̞͊̋͆̏͝͝ͅỨ̸͙̯̝̓͂̈́͑͊̈͆̀͌̾̕N̷̛͉̿̒͂͑̊̕̚

D̵̛̳̳̣̝̱͕͍̤̂̈͑̈́̽̕Ở̸̪̹͒̈̃̀̅͑̋̎̏̚̚͠N̶̡̡̨̰̱̜͚̳̂͆͘͘͜'̶̧̧̤̗̠͎̲̝̬̗̟̠̟̜͗̉T̶̗͎̥̼̯̰͎̦͉̘̳͔̮̉̄̀̀̑̋̀̏͋̍̂ ̵̢̧̦͉̩̯͚͔̟̈́͌̀̆͐͐̓̕͝ͅS̷̳̬̯͆͌͌T̷̢͍̺̘̣̳̯͍͉̭̹̽̈́͌̎̔̔̕Ạ̵̹͖̰̣̲̖̗͔̐̐̄̈́̌̆̌̚͠Y̶̹͚̒̈

This is what it whispers in my ear. And then...

H̶̼̱̜̥̼̺̠̑͜͜͜E̵̱͉̻͌͝L̴̨̰͚̤̖̭͖̞͉̝̩̹͗̃͆̏̏͝P̷̡̛̰̹͍̹̗̣̯͈͙̙͒̾̄̈̚͜͜͝͝ ̵̨̹̯̣̰̹͙͓͉͙͇̬̀͛͆͜͜͝͝M̸̰͓̮̺̹̖͚̬͑́͂̽̿͒͒Ȩ̸̟͕̭̬͔̫̩̘̼̯͐̍͑̂̏̉͜͝

Ş̸̤̜̊̽̈̍̒ͅͅͅT̶̢̧̨̛̼͉̭̙͓̫̝̞̺̈́̇̏̉͆̇͊̊̇̑͘͝͝Ą̵̺̩̰̬͉̮́̅̔́̕Ỹ̵̡̧̡̡̙͕̣̖̥̠̳͍͉̭̔͊̈͐͒͋́͠ͅ

G̵̨̜̬͈̻̜̹̦̭̺͕̺͕͇̓̆̎͜E̶̡̥̟̻̟͍͉̣͆͆̓͋́ͅT̴̡͖̻̤̖̗̥̀̌̓̔̽́̄ͅ ̶̡̖̥̫̩̜̱̪̣̓̎͌̓́͝M̷͈̯̳̣̾̀̇Ę̸̲͕̦͚͗͆̂̂́̽͘ ̸̡̛̖̝͚͙̮̦̪͍̜̳͑͐̎͌̋̅͘͜Ó̶̡̡̢̻̻͙̠̦̰͕̺̯͍̜̿̒̎̾̂͌̉͝ͅU̶̧̡̯̫̖̯̠͕̮̙̱̿͜Ţ̷͎̘͖̺̗͇̓̉̾̈́́̂̋͘͝͝ ̷̧̨͖͇̯̝͎̠̠̫͉̙̫͋̉̿̚͠O̸̧̖̤͚̤̫͙͐͝F̵̠̝̱̝̰͛̓͘͜ ̸̨̫̘̫͖̮͈̯͑͌́͂̋͌͑̽̄̽̀̐̋̕͜͜͝ͅH̸̢̼̪̤̟̯̫̲͓̻̑̾̾̃͑̃̋ͅẼ̸̡͔̣̤̝́̓̎̔̑̓̉͒̃̌̇̾̕͝R̷̦̺̎́͌È̵̛̫͒̓̄̓̓͆̒̽̂ ̵̫̭͉̙̻͓͍̇̀̒̈́̔̽̓̑̉̎P̷̖̌̾ͅL̵͚̾̀̐́E̴̡̞̟̱̿́̓̐̒͆̏̚͘͝Ă̴̝̯̲͈̻̲̥̣͙͖͆̊S̴̰̳͍̰͔̹͖̉̆̈́̑́͋̋͑͝ͅȨ̷̢̱̖͈̰̰̱̼̞̩̣͔͗͛̂̅ ̶͓̤̰̺͙̪͎̭̹͔͒͜

It seems like it needs help. It probably needs a friend. That's all. M-maybe...?

Suddenly more start crawling out of the cracks in the floorboard, making me scramble back until they form a humanoid shape. I scramble hurriedly for my phone, shining it on the figure.

"¿A-abuela...?"

The sight chills me to the bone. It's utterly horrifying, so much so it looks unreal.

My grandmother's face turns a full 180 degrees, and her eyes are melted in and drooping. The skin sags on her face, making her look nothing like the beautiful woman she was. Her mouth is permanently stretched in a horrifying smile. She doesn't have any teeth, so all I can see is her gaping jaw. Her clothes are in tatters, muddy and faded.

A god-awful feeling tells me I should run.

I quickly get up and start running, my shrieks high-pitched and bloodcurdling in the silence.

That was the last thing the ghosts in the casa ever heard.

#King's fics #tw horror #tw blood #tw violence #tw murder #tw death #horror #tw death mention #major character death #tw major character death #horror fic #tw body horror #monsters #trypophobia

[reg-arcturus-black]

hiiiii! i hope you’re having a wonderful day, filled with sunshine & rainbows !! 💫✨ may i please request sirius x daughter! reader imagine where the reader is staying with sirius for the first time since he went to azkaban and when she goes to bed he tries to tuck her in but struggles because the last time he’d have done it, he probably would’ve read her a story but she’s presumably grown out of that by now and so he’s not really sure what to do ? 🥺🍄 oml and her room probably hasn’t been touched in like 12 years- the memories, the guilt he must feel- i’m gonna criiiii

Hi!!! That is so kind of you 💕 I hope you're doing okay in these terrible, terrible times 🌸❤

This was honestly such a beautiful plot! Thank you. And I did cry while writing it... Hope you like it, too 🤗

The Reunion (Sirius Black x Daughter Reader)

1.4k words

Fluff

Requests now open.

Masterlist

You paced nervously in the hallway, waiting for that knock on the door. Ever since you were 2, you had been living with your grandparents. Your mother was a muggleborn and was found by the vengeful deatheaters a few months after Sirius was imprisoned. Your grandparents didn’t understand a lot about the wizarding world, but they understood you. They were your best friends.

When you would ask about your mother and the bad people who took her away, they would gently sit you down and tell you all about her. They would tell you how much she loved you, the way she had cried when you were first born, how similar she was to you, how she had spent every minute fighting for your father’s innocence.

They would then tell you about your father. How much he loved your mother and you, how you had his grey eyes and the beautiful hair and his affinity for mischief. They even told you about his friends and the pranks they did in school.

Your mother had so many pictures from her school days. Pictures with your father, with her friends, with his friends. You could spend the entire day looking at them. But you could never bring yourself to. It was too difficult. Too difficult to look at the pictures of the two most important people you barely remembered.

Harry was younger than you. Once you had received the news that your father had broken out, you both had talked a lot about him. You told him Sirius was innocent but you had no proof, neither did he have any reason to believe you.

Once his fourth year and your sixth year was over, you had gotten a letter from your father. He was finally healthy enough to travel and wanted to meet you at the apartment he and your mother had shared. You had spent 2 years there as an infant before Sirius had been wrongly accused and your mother moved back in with her parents.

Your grandpa and grandma were ecstatic when they had heard the news and had instantly allowed you to spend the weekend with him. You didn’t know if you were nervous or excited. Probably both.

Your heart beat sped up when you heard a knock and ran to open the door. You were greeted by a man looking in his 30s who looked so much like you. “Dad...” you said, not being able to believe that he was finally here.

He smiled and pulled you into an awkward hug. “It is so good to see you, sweetheart.”

You grinned and let him in, closing the door behind him.

He looked around the house he had shared with your mother, all the memories rushing back. When they had first bought it, decorated it and his favourite one, when they had brought you home from the hospital.

“I - you can have a look around if you want,” you offered, not knowing what else to say. “It must have been a long time since you were last here.”

He nodded, “It is, but I am starving. You want to have dinner first?”

You gave him a small smile and went towards the dining room. “I didn’t know what you liked so I got pizza.” You said nervously. “We can get something else. I am sorry I wasn’t - ”

“Pizza is just fine,” he grinned.

The silence during dinner was very awkward. Neither of you knew what to say. Sirius’ heart was heavy with sadness and guilt. How he had missed out on all those years. Missed out on your firsts. The first time you left for Hogwarts, the first time you had cried over someone, your first detention. And guilt because it was his fault. If he wouldn’t have gone after Peter, he would be there to watch you grow up.

“Uh, how is school?” he asked, snapping you out of your thoughts.

“Nice, I like it there,”

He nodded. “I did, too. My family was the worst so Hogwarts was my home. Especially after I met your mother.”

You didn’t know how to respond to that. Your heart clenched at her mention and didn’t say anything else during the rest of the dinner.

“Do you wanna see the rest of the house before you sleep? I don’t think you have before.” He asked.

You shook your head and followed him upstairs. The first door he opened was the master bedroom’s, a picture of your mother and father lying on the nightstand, covered in dust. Every inch of the room and the bathroom was covered in dust.It had been so long it was a miracle the light switches worked. With a flick of his wand, he cleaned it all up and made it look as good as new.

“She was beautiful,” he sighed, looking at the photo.

You nodded and left the room quickly, going to your nursery. There was a crib on one side and a bed on the other. The wall had a shelf full of books, both muggle and magical alike. A broom hung over your crib, zooming around in circles. This room, too, was covered in dust.

You were reading the titles of the book when you heard him chuckle behind you.You turned around and saw him remove all the dust. You gasped when you saw the room properly. There were hand-painted drawings on the wall and stars on the ceiling.

“She painted the walls.” he told you. “And the stars were my idea. There were nights when she missed you a lot and would come in here and sleep in this room. After a point, we all slept in the nursery, hence the bed.” He laughed fondly.

You didn’t like it. It was too painful to know that you had all these wonderful moments but you hardly remembered them. Too painful to know that you never got the chance to make more of such moments. You sighed and sat down on the bed.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, sitting down beside you.

You looked at him, eyes full of unshed tears. You never realized how much you had needed him until he was right in front of you. “I - I barely remember you. Or mom. I see flashes of you and her, but that’s it.” He placed an arm around your shoulder and your voice broke. “I missed you, but it was so difficult missing you when I didn’t even remember you...” You then broke down into sobs as he pulled you into him. “I missed you so much, dad.” You cried.

Holding you in his arms as you cried only drowned him deeper in guilt. “I am so sorry, baby...” he said softly. “I never should have left that night. Please forgive me.”

You sniffed and looked up at him, tears still rolling down. “When grandma told me what you had done, I was so angry at you for leaving. But then I realized I wanted to be like you. Brave and loyal to a fault. McGonagall says I resemble you two so much that it is actually scary.” You laughed softly.

He smiled and wiped away your tears.

“I will be right back,” you said and left the room to change after sitting in silence for a few minutes.

He smiled softly to himself, knowing that his daughter had missed him just as much as he had. It gave him peace knowing that you had forgiven him. He was going through the story books when he realized that you were not 2 years old anymore. He couldn’t read you bedtime stories anymore.

“There are a few photos I need to know more about,” you said from behind him, as if reading his mind. “You can tell me about them.”

He nodded and ran off to get the photographs from downstairs. You placed the box in front of him and settled into bed, waiting for him to begin.

He chuckled at the collection of pictures your mother had. “These were my friends,” he said, handing you a photo of 4 boys with arms around each other, laughing to the camera. “Peter was a friend, too,” he said sadly.

“Tell me more,” you asked, your eyes full of excitement.

He laughed and began an elaborate tale of the Marauders in Hogwarts, reminiscing all their pranks and memories. Somehow, talking about them with you was not as painful as it was with others or when he was by himself and he wouldn’t want it any other way.

By the time he was done, you were already asleep. You had not completed the story behind even one photograph. He chuckled softly and tucked you in, kissing your forehead.

Now that he was finally home with his daughter, he was not going anywhere ever again.

#harry potter #marauders fanfiction #marauders #marauders era fic #oneshot #sirius black x reader oneshot #Sirius Black daughter #fluff #sirius black post azkaban #daughter reader #reader insert #sirius black fluff #sirius black

[thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness]

Toshiya’s Creativity Vol 7: Looking back at Life This time, as Toshiya’s birthday is getting closer, we asked him to look back on his life. From his childhood to boyhood in Nagano and moving to Tokyo after his awakening to music. And the present. Memories, present and future…. Blessed with good weather, we did this interview in a localisation where you could feel the arrival of spring.  “For me, music is the most stimulating thing. It was a way to escape from reality” “I think it’s a miracle I met these 4 people.” “When you are standing on stage in front of the audience, you should be a special person that nobody can’t replace”

Notes before reading: This is from ‘Toshiya’s creativity’, the serialization done by Ster Edge Magazine and later compiled into a book with the same name. This is Vol 07 (Ster Edge 006) , which was published in March 2018.  Originally, I planned to post this for Toshiya’s birthday but....life.  Feel free to correct me if you spot any mistake or any confusing parts. Links or credits to this post when the content is reposted or captured in other SNS is appreciated :)

------ 2017 marked the 20th anniversary of the formation of DIR EN GREY. Toshiya also had the opportunity to look back on the history of the band at various locations. This time, we asked him to look back on his ‘life’ just before his birthday on March 31st. How did he feel at that time? What did he realize at that moment and what does he think now? It was an interview that gave us a glimpse of his enigmatic way of thinking and a part his feelings. Toshiya is from Nagano prefecture. He says the environment in which he grew up was "a normal countryside one” in “a normal family”. In our previous talk with Hide TANAKA, a flower designer who is a childhood friend of Toshiya, which was published in "Toshiya's Creativity Vol6", he talked about his childhood, but  we will explore this further,  in a bit more personal way. When he was asked about his oldest memory, he folded his arms, thought for a moment, and then opened his mouth. “This memory comes quickly to my mind. There was something like an agricultural cooperative bazaar/rummage sale being held near my grandparent's house, and I think they took me to it. I was very impressed by a child of the same age as me at that time who was lost and crying alone. So, I remember holding my grandpa and grandma's hands tightly and saying, ‘Don’t lose me!’ (laughs).” His grandparents' home and his home were close, so he often went out with his grandparents from an early age. “I was close to my grandfather and my grandmother. I remember I was the type of child loved by the elderly. I’m still quite in contact with my family and relatives, we have a good relationship. But it wasn't something special, it was normal for me at the time. My hometown is a normal countryside town, where  nothing is  like this city, it feels like there are only mountains and rice fields. I also liked drawing at home and playing outside. I was playing like a normal country child would do.” Young Toshiya seems to have grown up in the nature of Nagano. It seems his parents also respected the things he wanted to do. “I was in a sports boys' team, a baseball team, and I practised kendo. I feel like I certainly did what I wanted. I liked physical activities. I wasn’t strong or weak at sports, after all I was normal (laughs). My parents taught me soroban (Japanese abacus), and in junior high school I attended a cram school. I think I got a textbook to study English through radio lessons. I just pretended to play the abacus, and I wasn't good at it at all (laughs). " Toshiya was a boy who was devoted to sports. He talked to Hide about playing the guitar when he was young, but was he interested in music and instruments at that time? “No, no at all. My mother's brother used to play the guitar and I was just using that guitar as a toy instead. More than playing, I was killing time. It felt like that. At that time, I had no dreams for the future. When I was told to write about my dream for the future, I just wrote ‘be a salary man, like my father’. I think that was the safest choice (laughs). The children of my class said ‘I want to be a police officer’ or ‘I want to be a pilot’, but I wasn't interested in what I wanted to do in the future at all.” He said ‘normal’ many times while talking about himself in the past but while listening to his talk, he didn't feel like that for some reason, he had a mysterious aura since he was a boy. He said the thing that young Toshiya was more interested in was ‘wild ideas/fantasies’. “I think it was like that in the past. Didn’t you have any ‘wild idea’ /fantasy on your way to school or coming back from it? I liked that kind of thing. As I liked Gundam, I thought ‘I want to ride one’. Sometimes I went home with my friends, but more often I went home alone. It was about a 30-minute walk from my house to school, so it was days of spending all that time doing that (laughs).” Perhaps he was a boy who had his own world and the strength to be alone. “No, no, I didn't think deeply about that. I never felt scared to be alone…. the reason I went home alone was it was easier for me to go home alone (laughs). I'm older than my siblings, so I grow up as an only child for a while. That’s why it was normal for me to be alone. Most of the boys and girls I played with were older kids who lived near my house” Toshiya, an elementary school boy who often played with older boys and girls who lived in the neighbourhood, gradually got more chances to listen to popular songs at his senpais' homes. Boøwy was the catalyst for him to have an instrument. “Boøwy was a cool band that older seniors listened to. When I got into middle school, there were about one or two people in the class who liked Western music. When I became friends with those guys, I was told ‘You are still listening to Japanese music?’ (laughs). From that moment, I started to dig deeper into Western music.” Then, that Toshiya in middle school becomes more and more absorbed in music. It was around this time that he started to have in his mind that he wanted to play an instrument. “Besides Boøwy and X…..From overseas… I listened to Van Halen. Then, bands like Europe, Guns N'Roses,Bon jovi….. as it was the golden age of LA metal (glam metal), I liked that kind of stuff. I listened to the X’s single ‘Kurenai’ at home. That song starts with a ballad-like part, and then it gets fierce at once, but when I was playing it at first, I could hardly hear any sound. I still remember that suddenly it made a loud noise when I turned up the volume, I was surprised and desperately turned down the volume (laughs). " As Toshiya told us this funny incident, for sure there are many people who had a similar experience. What elements of these bands inspired Toshiya in middle school? "The music was exciting, but the fashion and performance were shocking ... Every band was very unrealistic. It seems that I was taken to a different world at that time. The feelings were very strong.  Since TV was the only way to collect information, I think the influence from TV on me was huge.” He has been absorbed in band activities since high school. The first thing he got in his hands was a guitar, not a bass. He doesn't have get the chance to play the guitar on stage right now, but he uses the guitar to make songs. "After all, I started playing the guitar because I admired some guitarists, but I thought 'It's difficult to play with 6 strings. It's a little easier with 4 strings.' After all, I thought it would be easier if there aren’t many chords to hold down. Also, I thought the bass was in a position that didn’t stand out much compared to other instruments, so I thought it would be interesting because that means there were many interesting possibilities about playing” Toshiya, who liked drawing since childhood, went to an art school while being in a band, after graduating from high school. Although he is good at drawing, he eventually chose the musical path. “I didn't want to get a job after graduating from high school, but I didn’t want to study something either. However, I liked drawing, so I asked my parents to attend an art school. At school, the places where the people who graduated there got a job are displayed at the corridor, isn’t it? I was looking at that and I thought ‘Ah? I don't think many people can get a job in the world of drawing’. I don’t think there are many jobs available when it comes to drawing. I thought ‘I like drawing but as this is more a hobby than a job, there is no point in spending money to study it. I’m going to spend my time doing what I like’. After all, I left the art school in about a year. After all, you only live once, and I may regret not doing what I want to do…..That's why I decided to go on the path of music for real. Music is the most stimulating thing for me. Making music was fun and I think it was a bit an escape from reality. I could be a different person than the one I was in my daily life….I wonder if these ‘extraordinary things’ became an stimulus for me.” Immediately after that, Toshiya goes to Tokyo to be fully into band activities as a band man. An era in which the Internet is hardly widespread it was important to move to make his own path. He took action and met various people. “When I went to Tokyo, I met and talked with several people. I was told often that ‘those who move out their hometowns had already won’. I thought there was no chance  if I stayed in the countryside and I started doing band activities quietly. There may be various risks and scary feelings, but if you really want a chance, you have to go to the place where there is information. Of course, I think that taking no action is also one of the options. There may be a way to improve your skills locally, or you can go out to the city to seize opportunities, and I think it's up to you to decide which one to choose. I met the members (of DIR EN GREY) in Tokyo, so I think I wouldn't have been in this band if I hadn't come to Tokyo. " "I think it was a miracle that I could meet the other 4 members” Toshiya, who met Kyo,Kaoru, Die, and Shinya, moved to Kansai and started band activities there . In 1997, DIR EN GREY was formed. They made their national debut in 1998, and made his major debut in 1999 with the release of the singles "Akuro no Oka", "ZAN-" and "Yurameki".  He thought ‘Because I only have one life, I may regret not doing what I want to do’, and took action. About three years later, Toshiya's life changed. "I think most people in the music world are like that…..At that time, I didn't know what I was doing, but I was confident. I think it's a little scary when I think about my confident at that time. I had such a simple idea that in a way or another, we were going to make it. That's why I didn't think anything strange, the biggest thing was that I didn't have any strange fear. As I grew up, I started to think about things I hadn't thought of before. I was getting more and more involved with people, but I didn’t have that kind of thing when I was young. I think that was the biggest driving force. When I look back on it now, I feel envious of that feeling that nothing was going to stop me.” It was a brilliant  and sensational success. It was probably the tremendous power of these five people that attracted that success, which the appropriate world to describe it would be “comet”. A comet that seen from a distance was very beautiful but, how did DIR EN GREY feel about it, being the comet themselves? “We didn’t fully understand the situation we were in. There was a strong feeling we were getting into a world we didn’t know. We were an active part of that, but it felt like we were outsiders. At that time, music had a stimulating sense of unreality but also the fear that it became real started to spring up. At that time, it felt like that many times. DIR EN GREY was called the “last boom” of the scene we were in and I think we were lucky. There was also a part of us that tried to not be absorbed by that boom” DIR EN GREY’s activities have been very creative since then. From this formation until their debut, the band didn’t lose their spirits and kept their aggressive stance. Continuing to present things with a strong emphasis in musicality and fashion making a distinction in the middle of that ‘boom’, they built a unshakeable fortress called DIR EN GREY. “At that time, various media such as TV and magazines talked to us, but we tried not to go in that direction. I was influenced by TV in terms of knowing music, but when it comes to my own work, I didn’t think about becoming the kind of musician that appears on TV. Of course, I thought it would be the best if we got TV exposure but…..at some point, there were things that cold me off. ‘This boom won’t last forever’, it’s easy to get on that boom, but once the boom is over, it’s gone. At that time, I might not have thought so much about it, but I instinctively felt that it was dangerous to get into that boom” It’s not just Toshiya, all DIR EN GREY members agreed. “Sometimes thanks to the boom and the media, they (the listeners) get to know about you. I think it’s the best way to get people know about you but, I also think it’s really dangerous. I think there were some people who succumbed to that kind of excitement. We were cautious because we were the only ones who could protect ourselves, no one else would protect us.” Because DIR EN GREY decided that it was dangerous to get drawn by that boom, they were able to pursue the music and expressions they wanted to do in a deeper way. A different strength from that boom. “That’s right…. We didn’t really understand what happened, we couldn’t say ‘ we did this so this happened after’, there were moments we relied on ourselves, but there were also moments that we relied on others. I guess that balance was good. However, we tried to not get into that wave of popularity as much as possible” DIR EN GREY continued to run ahead of the boom without appearing in the mainstream media, toured Asia in 2002, achieving the first overseas expansion. Due to changes in music aspects, the attention they got from overseas increased and in 2005, they performed in Berlin, marking their first solo concert in Europe. From there, they started to held live performances around the world. Their music spread to the world in proportion to the rise of the Internet. Their journey was so innovative in the music scene that many artists used them as their role model. Should it be called ‘a miracle’ caused by  a natural sense of balance? “I think this (the overseas expansion) was something rare for us. ‘Something like this is what we want’, ‘It would be good if you could show this or that’……we were told these kind of things so maybe it (a miracle) happened. First of all, I think it’s a miracle I met these 4 people.” Toshiya said this a little shy smile.  There aren't many bands that have been so active for 20 years without changing members or stopping their activities. It's a miracle. “Because it’s an aspect that you can’t control…the things you do and the people you meet. I think it’s a miracle in that sense as well.” After 20 years, there were changes as an individual person, and there were changes in the way they interact with music. He says it's not just about music, ‘No matter what you do, if you make a mistake, you're done’, he adds. “Everyone calls me an 'artist', but I don't feel like one. The easiest thing to say would be ‘free person’ (laughs).  As I don’t have the experience of a normal working life, waking up at the same time on weekdays mornings, getting on the same train every day, rather than an artist, I would say I’m a free person. However, if there is a misunderstanding, I come to think of myself as ‘someone special’ who can’t live a normal life. It’s dangerous and scary. But humans are creatures that make mistakes (laughs).” Is it his way of saying that there was a “misunderstanding” in the past? “Well, there is. I made mistakes. That's why I'm scared. At the time of the debut, the number of adults  I didn’t know increased around me. No matter what you do, many people was moving. That became something common. But that many people come, means that many people also leave…. Shortly after my debut, a friend from Nagano told me two things. One was ‘it’s good you can do what you like’, and the other was ‘Did you start a band to be admired/ to be pampered?’ Those words were quite a big deal for me. I thought I couldn't stay that way, so I had to change my way of thinking a little more. The words this person told me made me feel sad but then I said ‘Isn’t it good? Why you don’t try to do your best too?’ (laughs).” Toshiya laughs and says ‘I want to be a person with an ordinary consciousness’. His way of talking and manners are soft, giving an impression that he is a person who has nothing to do with the word ‘rude’. “In my teens,  my senpais were unconventional and  I admired a lot their messy behaviour but unfortunately,  times are very different now. When we were children, we thought about what to buy and how to use the money we received for New Year's  but nowadays  children seem to save money. It might be good to do something unconventional and have a dream in such a conservative era, but I'm not that age anymore. Now, if I do something like that, I’d be in a difficult position (laughs). That’s why being a person with an ordinary consciousness would be the ideal”. “When you stand on stage in front of  the audience, you should be a special person that nobody can’t replace” When you ask him about music activity, the talk extends to other topics that are not limited to music. The concept of the brand 'DIRT 100% Natural Dirty' produced by him is 'unisex real clothes that can be worn in a wide range of occasions from casual to formal’, the design  not only affects the clothes but also the spaces that surround your daily life. Toshiya proposes and produce unique and original clothes for daily life.  The fact that the words ‘life’ and ‘everyday’ are included means that for Toshiya, as music, his brand production and life are something that flows together, not something that can be separate from each other. “There isn’t really a distinction. But both, music and brand production, I can’t call them ‘work’. Of course I can’t remove the business part of it but I don’t think it’s work. This interview is also part of my job, that’s why I’m definitely switched on my ‘business mode’. If you like something in a pure way, you shouldn’t make a business of it. Of course, I make music and produce clothes because I like it, but the truth is that you can’t just do something because you like it. That’s why I think I have to do it. For example,  of course I would say ‘I want to do this’ to the company but  saying NO to everything that the company suggests, like ‘I want you to do this, I think it’s just selfish. If I’m allowed to do what I want to do, then I have to do also what the company wants me to do, otherwise, it won’t work. If you just want to do whatever you want,  it would be like ‘why don't you do it by yourself? I think I'm doing it with several people because I can't do it alone.” It might be because of this that the band DIR EN GREY continue to be active with the same members. It’s  only because they have their own opinions but also they have the capacity to listen and absorb other people’s opinions. “I have a firm ideal within myself. However, there are times  you will realize things listening to other people’s opinions and absorbing them. When you have a talk with several people that are experts in something, new opinions that I didn’t know before are born. I often think that it’s like the scales fall from my eyes, and it leads to new discoveries. There might be a reason why we don’t aim to “do things by ourselves’. It's not that music and brands can't be done alone…. I feel that if I go alone, I might make a mistake. Going back to I said before, if you think of yourself as 'special', I think it's not going to go in the right direction….But it's an exception when you stand on stage in front of the audience. , you should be a special person that nobody can’t replace” No matter how good a person is, they may stop at some point. Toshiya was no exception. However, he says with confident ‘I still have many things that I want to do’. “I've often thought ‘this is my limit’. I have thought many times ‘I don't have any ideas, I don't like it, it's hard’..... But then, I’ve always come up with ideas and images such as "I want to do something like that" or "Let's do something like this". I've been doing something like that all the time….I think my desire for expression will never run out. I don't think things can be made from scratch. Everything is imitation of something,  an arrangement of something….I think that’s the trigger for the ramification of creation.  In your daily life, you can see various things and various things will happen, so I hope to reflect in my work what is happening at that moment.” Will Toshiya reach a turning point in his life soon? In the last talk, he wondered if he would become an adult when he is 50 or 60 years old. He also said he wanted to be 50 or 60 years old soon. He set his mind on the idea of ‘You only have one life, if you don’t do the things that you want, you’ll regret it’. Until now, he has devoted his life to the band so is he satisfied with that or is there any regrets? “It’s half satisfaction, half regrets (laughs).  I think I have more regrets, though. When I was in elementary school I thought that at my age I would be living in my hometown, I’d be married and would have kids…’I wish I had done that at that time’….’I didn’t do that’….things like that, if I start mentioning them, there would be no end. But you can’t do anything about the things you didn’t do, I think the perception will change if you look at it with regrets or as a reflection. Sayingt that ‘I could become an adult once I’m 50 or 60 years old” means I entrusted to my future self, things I can’t do now. It’s a way of escapism, though(laughs). I feel like the things I can’t do now will be easier in the future and the range of the things I’ll be able to do will be wider. I will pursue forever the person I aspired to become when I was a child. I think it’s a human thing to do that.” Toshiya’s voice “I requested this photoshoot to take place somewhere near the sea. Since my birthday was closer, I did an interview looking back on my life. If anything, it felt like the interview was important. As we went to Odaiba, the travel time was longer. The talk about the Olimpics in the car was exciting.

#dir en grey #toshiya #translation #toshiyatranslations

[creativeashproductions]

Lost Time // Luke Patterson

Summary: Things changed since Sunset Curve fell apart literally as three out of four members died before a gig. Leaving a sad girl behind Luke by chance runs into the reader with someone else. Death tore the couple apart, and time can’t fix this.

Warning: Talk of death, depression, angst and fluff

Words: 2.2k

Might as well join the Julie and the Phantoms fan club!

*For the sake of the story the time frame has been altered, it takes place in the mid-2000s. Also! I tried to make the reader as generalized as I could to make sure that everyone can relate. The reader is Alex’s sister, for inclusion that can be biological, adopted, half or stepsiblings. I want to make sure all people can be the reader.

Masterlist

THIS IS FROM MY SECONDARY BLOG! REPOST!!

The 1990s was definitely some of the best years of your life watching your brother grow more comfortable in his identity. Alex had kept his sexuality secret, taking the frustration of the secret by learning how to play the drums. You would often be found curled on the chair listening to his growing talent; Alex was a great brother.

Alex found friends in three local boys Reggie, Bobby and Luke, even a little more than friends with Luke briefly. By 1991 the boys had formed a band Sunset Curve with each other and a loyal fan in you. By mid-1994 the band had a fanbase and some gigs, but playing The Orpheum was the goal.

Luke had admitted to Alex, he had feelings for you, and with a lot of encouragement from Alex, he approached you. Luke had been focused on music since his parents gave him his first guitar, so relationships weren’t even on the backburner.

“Hey.” Luke spoke, pressing a kiss to your cheek backstage, “Missed you.”

His hair tickled your skin, bringing a bright smile from the teenage boy and a deep blush from you, private time wasn’t as often as it once had been. After Luke’s fallout with his parents a few months back, he had couch surfed between Reggie and Alex’s rooms; he wasn’t allowed in yours.

“You saw me last night.”

“A monumental time.” Luke bent his bend to place a lingering kiss on your bare shoulder, his jacket having fallen down, “Three years together and a bright future ahead.”

Last night had been the third anniversary of your relationship and hopefully the previous night worrying on parents walking in, cheap dates Luke often felt guilty about. Luke knew in his bones playing The Orpheum tonight would open the door to a legendary future. A future where money wasn’t tight and he could you on dates he deemed acceptable for the love of his life.

Bobby voiced brought Sunset Curve’s lead singer back to that moment, you dropped from the stage to settle in the empty audience to watch the soundcheck. With a wink from Alex, he started making the beat to Now or Never, you beamed as they poured their souls into the song. The four were talented and made to be in a band together even if you didn’t really like Bobby.

Cringing at the awkward wink Bobby sent you turned on your converse to head to the bar for a glass of water. Thanking the bartender, you tuned out the conversation with the waitress and the band only jumping when arms wrapped around your waist.

“We’re getting street dogs.” Luke spoke, bringing your body to rest on his chest, “Do you want one?”

The thought of those street dogs honestly horrifying given they were cooked in some random guys car. The one time you tried, it had permanently tattooed the taste in your memories forever, and just remembering was vomit-inducing.

 “I’ll pass.” You wrinkled your nose, turning to wrap your arms around his neck, “I don’t know how you guys like those.”

“Tradition.” Luke shrugged caressing your cheekbone with the pad of this thumb. Gazing at features he wanted to wake up to for the rest of his life, “Still down with the plan?”

“The minute I’m eighteen, we go to the nearest chapel.” You grinned playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, “I’ll be waiting Rockstar.”

Luke pressed a long passionate kiss on your lips, pulling away to jog over to Alex and Reggie waiting at the door. Bobby having declined the street dog invitation to flirt with the waitress Rose. Alex waved before the door closed. Little did you know that would be the last time you saw them alive.

1995 was the worst year of your life. 1996 was the hardest, especially with the forever reminder of your love. You wouldn’t trade 1996 for the world however, only wishing for one change.

Los Angeles, 2004

Alex, Reggie and Luke had learnt a mere few days away from that life had drastically changed forever. Firstly, the three boys had died from eating the street dogs mere hours before performing on the stage of The Orpheum. Secondly, it was no longer 1995 but instead nearly ten years had past bringing the three ghosts into 2004.

The most jarring wasn’t being able to be heard playing music with a random girl named Julie but that the most constant part of the band no longer was there. You hadn’t died that night, and Alex was pretty sure you were still alive. Luke felt lost waking up without you beside him and the deep regret of not reconciling with his parents.

It would be a week before Luke would swallow his pride enough to orb himself into his unchanged childhood home. Emily, Luke’s mom, was in the well-worn chair knitting a scarf Luke recognized as his favourite colours. Mitch was in the kitchen, putting the groceries away. It was heartbreaking being invisible to his aged parents.

“Hey, Mom.” Luke sniffled sitting on the couch nearby staring at his silent mother, “Sorry for not visiting sooner.”

Tears welled up in the boy’s eyes feeling hopeless, not being able to ease his parents’ pain, the regret and guilt bubbling to the surface.

“How is Y/N? I bet she’s living in New York of London now. We promised to travel the world together. Part of me is guilty of wishing she had eaten a street dog that night so we could be together.” Luke sobbed, wrapping his arms around his midsection reminiscing on the beautiful girl he had unwillingly left.

“Hey.” Mitch spoke, kissing his wife’s forehead. Her eyes closing in contentment.

“I wonder if you know where Reg and Alex’s parents are. Reggie’s neighbourhood was torn down who knows when. It makes me scared to see if Alex and Y/N’s parents still have their place. I don’t think so. They lost their son.”

“Hey Luke.”

Luke glanced over his shoulder to see Alex at the door, reluctant to impose of Luke’s privacy.

“Yeah.”

“We’re rehearsing.” Alex spoke, smiling as the other teenager took one more wistful look at his parents before orbing out of his house to the Molina family’s garage. Minutes later, the front door opening and feet thudding brought the noise to the Patterson home.

“Grandma!”

A four-foot blue of green and black blur covered the room in seconds nearly sprawling Mitch to the floor. Why was that 1996 year difficult? Well, ’95 was when Sunset Curve tragically died, and a stick changed your life. ’96 was spent going through the last five months of pregnancy without Luke.

October 1995

You kept your lips pressed tightly together, unable to look at the smooth, shiny mahogany rectangle surrounded by flowers. Looking up meant the reality kicking in. Funerals sucked. Especially the third funeral in the last handful of days. It was surreal thinking that one week ago you had kissed your boyfriend and hugged your brother and now they were dead. Gone. Not even a goodbye.

“Are you okay?” The broke voice asked, gaining your attention. Swollen red eyes matching yours held unimaginable pain. While the last few months had been icy with your parents, it didn’t mean losing one of their kids didn’t sting.

“I will be.” You whispered clasping your hands over the scratchy black velvet dress, one you had worn three times too many.

The sobs broke out seeing the best picture Alex had taken in his life, it encapsulated his best features; his beaming smile and kind, caring eyes. Alex was gone. Your brother was gone because he ate a bad hot dog with his friends. You would never see your boys again. Never feel Luke’s skin or share a laugh with Alex or complain about things with Reggie. You wouldn’t get to meet in the chapel with Luke wearing second hand ‘fancy’ clothing. In one night, your life changed.

It changed further seeing the two lines on the test later that night. The heartache growing. The baby you carried would never meet his uncles and his Dad. Would never hear them play or learn to play. ’95 and ’96 sucked ass.

You sighed, closing the door to follow the rambunctious ball of energy into the living room where he entertained Mitch and Emily. Some days it was difficult to stare into the green eyes he inherited from his father.

“Benjamin Lucas.” You spoke crossing your arms, meeting the gaze of the eight-year-old boy, “What did I say?”

“To not runoff.” Ben quietly replied, playing with his hands. His messy brown hair, in need of a trim, falling into his eyes, “Sorry Mom.”

“Please don’t do it again.” You gently told the little boy elated as he quickly found the toy box in the corner of the room.

Ben was loved deeply by Mitch and Emily, who had stepped up when your parents made the decision to sell your childhood home. Wanting Ben to know his paternal grandparents, you had struggled to find an apartment and job to say in the neighbourhood. Since the baby was the last part of their son, the Patterson parents’ had welcomed you into the home where you stayed until Ben was two.

“Do you want us to come around for Luke’s birthday?” You questioned sitting on the love seat, the same love seat you had made out on with Luke many times during movies.

The room turned sad at the question and reminded that for the ninth year, you would celebrate Luke’s birthday without him. A day where Ben wouldn’t fully understand. Emily simply nodded her head.

 “Have you met anyone?” Mitch asked, leaning over to clasp his hands together. For the last few years, they had been pushing you to date. They wanted your happiness and for Ben to have a father even if Luke couldn’t be it.

“Mama can we stay here tonight?” Ben’s innocent voice cut the tension, saving you from answering the question again. Mitch and Emily each nodded their heads at the question, unable to tell the young boy no.

“Have you ate?” Emily asked, turning to look at you in concern. The chuckle left your mouth at the question she frequently requested, she missed cooking for more than two.

“We had pasta before we came.” You replied, turning to gaze out the window to the dark sky, “I should put Ben to bed.”

The soft whine from your son and denial was a nightly routine and very much a mirror image to Luke’s character as well. With a smile, Emily held out her hand to her grandchild, she was notoriously the only one able to get Ben to sleep fast.

 “Come on Bug.”

It seemed the universe was keeping Luke from seeing you and discovering Ben, but when that night came, he was shocked. Emily was curled up on the patio couch, watching Ben in the newly bought sandbox. The patio doors opened. Inside, Mitch had invited a stranger who knew his son into the house.

 “I think I heard the doorbell. I’ll be right back.” Emily called out to you. You had found shade under the tree reading a new book.

The soft cry had you up and running to Ben before you even realized, on his knee was a bleeding wound. You had already scooped the boy into your arms to quickly get into the kitchen. The moment your foot stepped into the home, the sound of a familiar voice and song filled the house.

Gently placing Ben on his feet, you followed the sound to the living room. Across the room behind a young girl stood a boy.

“Luke.” You breathed floored at the sight of the teenager who looked exactly like he did back in ’95. The ghost singing widened his eyes at yours, taking in the mature features and change of fashion.

He continued to sing the song Unsaid Emily he had written as an apology to his mom following the last big fight. The song he never got to show her. His voice faded as the ending of the song came around.

“Mama!” Your attention broke from Luke’s when a tiny hand reached for yours. The pain in his voice bringing you back to the most important part of your life, “It hurts Mama.”

Despite being sad, Mitch was the one to cross the room to lift the little boy into his arms. Placing the little boy on the counter, the man gently wet a paper towel to wash the area.

“I think he needs stitches.” Mitch sighed, furrowing his brows.

“Who is that?” Luke asked the Molina girl. The girl shrugged taking in the features she could recognize. Julie asked Emily.

“That’s Ben.” Emily beamed, looking over her shoulder at the little boy that filled the void of Luke’s death. It didn’t fix the wound or erase the pain, but Ben’s existence helped with the loss as he was a precious gift, “When Luke passed away his girlfriend Y/N found out she was pregnant with Luke’s baby.”

The choked sob fell from Luke’s mouth echoed by the thud of his knees, hitting the floor in the pure shock. The heartbreak painted so clear Julie was sure she could feel Luke’s agony.

God, why did Luke have to eat that fucking street dog. Fuck his band dreams. Nothing hurt as bad as finding out about Ben and Y/N having to be a single parent.

“I have a son?” Luke cried, orbing himself as far as he could from the Patterson home and his most tremendous loss.

Part Two

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[accioecho]

Lee Da Hee for GQ Korea

"Everything becomes memories in the end. You should always strive to have a positive energy."

Feel free to share this translated interview! Though I would appreciate if you could credit me by linking back to this blog or tagging me on Twitter ^_^

GQ: But... uh, why do you look so happy? You’re looking at me with such a happy expression that I don’t know what to do right now.

LDH: Hahaha. No but if I kept listening with a blank expression, I would come off as cold looking. And you would go: “Are you in a bad mood?” So I try to smile more. Otherwise I would come off as cold looking.

GQ: That’s quite a big difference. I got startled when you pulled a straight face.

LDH: Right, it looks like I’m angry. But I’m not, so this is why I try to smile more. If I don’t smile like this, people tend to think I’m cranky. Of course when I get angry, I have a temper, but I’m not usually like that.

LDH: And it goes both ways, it’s easier for me to open up to someone if that person is smiling instead of sporting an expressionless face.

GQ: You were laughing/smiling so brightly that I was kind of hypnotized.

LDH: Hahaha

GQ: When you appeared in the drama “Beauty Inside”, you weren’t the typical villain wearing a red lipstick but were the kind of villain to wear a new, nude shade.

LDH: Ohh, that’s a very nice way to put it.

GQ: Really?

LDH: A nude tone villain. This is the first time I’m hearing this expression, I like it. Yes, up until then, secondary female characters usually tried to win someone’s heart or because they lacked attention and love, they tended to bother the female lead. But “Beauty Inside” was different. It was a different kind of role. I played a villain but my character wasn’t hateful. She had her own convictions and that’s why she was so interesting.    

GQ: Kang Sara was that kind of character, played by Lee Da Hee.

LDH: This is why I didn’t want to play the typical secondary character, the typical second female lead. Yes she was given a fancy background but I also wanted to try something new, something different. Not something that could be shown through strong makeup, I wanted to add a layer of depth to her style.

GQ: I think we could feel the difference hence why it was so interesting. It was obvious that you studied this role a lot and this perfected style has stuck to you, the actress.

LDH: Well, first of all, I find it fun to radically search for something new. In a way that doesn’t stand out too much, while still being faithful to the character, I try to bring out the best of what I can do. Back when I was younger, I had no clue about all that so I just did what I was told to do. As I matured, I discovered what were my weaknesses, what to cover/hide etc. For example, you might think that I’m skinny, and that all my clothes fit me well. But I have a big bone structure so clothes don’t fit all that easily. But because I know this about me, I’m able to adapt,  know how to find the right clothes to try to keep looking pretty. Thanks to the GQ photoshoot, I got to try out this colorful mascara for the first time. And it’s so much fun. As I experience new things one by one, I’m able to see what’s right for me and what’s not.

GQ: It might be insensitive/rude to say this to an actress who has a career spanning 20 years, but I feel like the name Lee Da Hee has become clearer to me since “Beauty Inside”.

LDH: No it’s not insensitive. I’m really thankful that you remember me from that role. No matter how recent the drama is, the point is that you remember me because I left you a good impression. I really appreciate it. To be honest, a lot of people remember me from my role in Beauty Inside. People actually think I didn’t play in many projects before that.

GQ: But you did consistently star in various projects.

LDH: Yes, but I guess they weren’t memorable roles. I don’t think I played characters that stayed in people’s minds. Beyond the character and the role in itself. A drama can be loved by a lot of people, but beyond that, when I watch a show as a viewer, there are some actors that leave a deep impression in the way they play their characters. I wonder if I lacked that kind of aspect. I kept thinking to myself that maybe there was something missing in my acting that didn’t leave a memorable impression.

GQ: You left quite a strong impression after playing roles like Kang Sara in Beauty Inside and Cha Hyeon in Search: WWW. But more recently in LUCA: the beginning, I feel like you shed that strong image. If you found a type of role that fit you, you could have just kept on playing the same kind of characters, but it looks like you’re not afraid to radically change your image.

LDH: You’re right, I wanted to do something different. I wanted to show a different side, something that differed from the bright roles I usually played. After Beauty Inside and Search: www, I was afraid of being type casted. I didn’t want people to think I always played the same kind of roles. But I think I was was too confident when I chose to play in LUCA. I thought I could do anything.

GQ: You thought you could do anything but it didn’t turn out this way?

LDH: Even my mom thought the same thing. That it wasn’t a really good fit. In a few words, she thought my acting felt a bit forced. Hahaha. That it didn’t really flow well. The main takeaway is that I tried something different. If it turns out to be a good fit, then it’s good and if it doesn’t, it means I can just find something that does.    

GQ: Your mother sounds like the type of person who doesn’t mince her words.

LDH: My mom is very level headed. Just by looking at my back, she can tell if I was focused or thinking about something else. I spent a lot of time with my mom, even more so than with friends, and I also cried a lot in front of her. If I ask her “Mom, what’s wrong with me”, she’ll tell me not to think these kind of thoughts, that whatever I’m thinking is not true. We had a lot of moments like that.

GQ: You looked so cheerful today that I didn’t think you could also have rough times.

LDH: Why wouldn’t I? I went through times of depression when I would think, “Am I charismatic enough?”, “Do I lack something as an actress?”. There were times when my self-esteem was very low.

Since I’m tall, I used to have Directors who always said “you don’t match, you don’t match” (with fellow actors). Since I couldn’t do anything about my height, I thought that I could at least work on my body, make myself smaller. So I worked really hard on my diet. I used to eat rice cake soup that my mom used to make using beef broth, once every day. My mom followed along and did the diets with me. Every time. You can guess what kind of mom she is, right? I used to say: “Mom, should we at least drink soju since we only had one meal today?” And we’d share a bottle.

GQ: Hahaha, I see that you don’t hide your positive energy.

LDH: Everything becomes memories in the end. You should always strive to have a positive energy. And try not to think negatively. This way, you can find more motivation when an opportunity comes along, and this is also how more opportunities come up. I know that if I don’t love myself, I’ll end up being depressed and have a low self-esteem. So starting with myself, I also try to be nice to everyone, to compliment them. Let’s not be hurtful, and let’s try not to say mean things. I try to tell myself I’m a good person, and I project that to others as well. Let’s be nice to each other. Let’s be someone that gives off a good energy.

GQ: Why did you hurt your knee?

LDH: Ah, this? (Points to her left knee). I rode one of those electric scooters and fell as I tried to avoid an electric pole.

GQ: It must have hurt a lot if you fell while riding it.

LDH: I’m okay now. It was a bit concerning at first, but I’m just glad I didn’t hurt my face. It’s too bad I fell while riding it for the first time, but I wanted to try it so I learned my lesson now. I don’t even look at the scooters now. I know they’re too dangerous for me.

GQ: You made a very decisive conclusion based on your experience.

LDH: Yes, I should never try to ride a scooter again.

GQ: I also see a scar on your neck. Do you fall often?

LDH: Hahaha. No, I was washing a necklace. It’s a necklace made with my grandmother’s ring but the edge is a bit sharp. I got scratched while washing it a bit hastily.

GQ: Did you grow up under your grandmother’s care?

LDH: No I didn’t... actually both of my grandparents died in a car accident. They were so healthy so I thought they would live for a long time, but they suddenly passed away. When I didn’t work for a while, they used to say “When are you going to make money”, or “how long are you planning to live like that, without earning any money for your mom and dad”. It hurt me sometimes. But whenever I appeared on tv, they were the first ones to watch, and they always asked me when I would be on TV, on which channel... and when the time came, they always made sure to turn the tv on and watch my shows, and whenever we met, they told me they were proud of me, holding my hands and hugging me. I always think about these times. I miss them. Very much.

GQ: This is very moving. I believe these emotions and feelings make who you are.

LDH: I might sound like a crazy person, hahahah, but I have a picture of my grandma and grandpa next to my bed, and I always speak to them: “Grandma, I’m back”. If I’m upset about something, I say “Grandma, this thing just happened and this is so hard. I miss you.” - that’s how I cope and move on. This is how I try my best everyday. It makes me focus on what’s important. My family, tomorrow (the future) and all the things I love.

#lee da hee #이다희 #gq korea #kdrama #search www #the beauty inside #i love her i love her i love her

[purpleyellow]

You got us

Seventeen 14th member

Hayun’s masterlist

“The end of Seventeen Project”

Trigger warning: mentions of dead parents

a/n: We’re going sad hours. Feel free to let me know your thoughts💙. Ask box is also open to random chats.

Hayun was no stranger to changes, moving around cities and even countries since very little, she knew better than getting attached to places. Of course, that all meant nothing when it came to losing her parents, that year, although not very far, had quickly become an emotional mess of a memory in her mind. 

It was most definitely the biggest turning point in her life, coming to Korea to live with grandparents she had never met in person before while having to adjust to a completely new life from the one she had in Brazil and even in the US as a toddler, Hayun struggled to find a place for herself. But for some unknown force, she ended up in a group with thirteen boys, who had the same goals as her, and who made her feel at home when she didn’t think it was possible.

Once they started Seventeen Project and the Pledis CEO took away their rings, Hayun felt as if a rug had been pulled from under her, showing her again that she should never get comfortable with something because that could be taken away. 

With every mission, the girl tried her best to focus on the praises given at them, but nothing felt completely right like there was some kind of confirmation she needed to let her know she was doing the right thing, yet that never came. So the girl relied on cheering her members, getting them to a winner's headspace and hoping that that would, by some miracle, reflect on herself.

After the last mission, when the CEO told them he didn’t have their rings, even though their performance had been intensely praised, her mind went blank, and for what felt like the 100th time that month, the girl wondered if there was something she could do to revert the situation. Once the group was told to turn around and the curtains dropped to reveal their families standing there her mind short-circuited.

It took her some time to understand what was going on, and after everything was done she would be thankful for standing on the side since all of the boys moved forward to embrace their parents while she just stood there staring at the polished image of her grandmother, pearl necklace and black pencil skirt just like she remembered.

Taking a deep breath, the girl tried her best to ignore tears and heartfelt words exchanged around her, instead bowing politely to the older woman like she had been instructed many times before.

“Since I’m your legal guardian I was called to this… event” The woman spoke looking around awkwardly, also feeling a little weird with the affection shown between the families on their side. Taking a ring box from her purse, she showed to the girl “It appears to me you want this”

The girl’s eyes glimmered seeing the box making her grandmother smirk. Bowing with her head to represent respect Hayun tried her best not to get on the woman’s bad side like she usually did “This means a lot for me, I hope you can understand”

Scoffing, the woman opened the box and held her hand out for Hayun to place hers on top, but instead of rolling the ring on her finger, she stared at the girl’s eyes until she was looking back at her.

“I could never understand this” She spoke loud enough for only her to hear “But you chose your path so never do less than your best” Taking a deep breath, the woman shook her head “I honestly have no idea what your parents would think of this”

With a long sigh, the grandma finally gave her the ring, but instead of filling the void she had experienced getting complete, Hayun felt her heart drop and her doubts became more clear. Cleaning her throat to not let her guard down, Hayun nodded and bowed, letting out an almost inaudible “Thank you”.

As a chance to blink away a tear that had formed, she looked around the stage they were on, all of the boys still hugging and happily interacting with their parents, the scene making the space between her and her grandmother bother her more than ever. Hayun wondered what kind of magic the editors would have to pull off to make their interaction more heartfelt than it truly was.

Giving a tight-lipped smile to Mingyu next to her, he was quick to introduce her to his family, making Hayun feel a little more included, while her grandma stood on the same spot, occasionally bowing to Mingyu’s mom when she turned around to speak to her.

The mingling time didn’t last for much longer, the CEO had prepared a little speech to give them as well as letting them perform to their families as a thank you gift, although Hayun knew it would be far from a gift to the older woman.  As soon as the camera’s turned off, and they were given more time to spend with their relatives, Hayun saw her grandmother getting up and waving for her to come closer. 

“Just as a confirmation, this is what you’re choosing right?” The question was blank, there was neither a sarcastic or comforting tone to it.

“Yes” Hayun nodded with her head low.

“Okay, don’t disappoint yourself” The grandma patted her on the back, and after giving the girl her blessing, she was the first family member to leave the place.

Jumping back on the stage, the girl approached Seungkwan who was clinging to his mother, to hopefully get her head out of things and meet the families of the ones she was fond of, but her behavior didn’t sit right with one of them.

Seungcheol found himself in a little dilemma, while he wanted more than nothing to spend some time with his parents, he knew Hayun wasn’t fine by the way her eyes glossed over a few times and the obvious lack of companionship on her side.

Introducing his family to Jeonghan, he pleaded for them to wait five minutes for him, giving each of them a bear hug before walking to where the girl was and gently asking to speak to her in private. 

“Why so gloomy?” He asked her once they were in an empty room, only a black couch in the corner filled with musical equipment. “I can tell you want to cry”

“We got our debut date” Hayun smiled at him shrugging her shoulders “You don’t have to look around to see everyone is emotional, some of them are literally crying right now. And don’t think I didn’t see your tears a few moments ago”

Punching his shoulders playfully, the girl crossed her arms looking around, yet her concerned eyes gave away there was something she wasn’t opening up.

“Did you wish your grandma had stayed for a little longer?” Cheol asked, trying to understand her better.

“Not really” She shrugged her shoulders again, taking a deep breath to try to explain the situation to him “After I had to move in with her and grandpa, we never got close. I’m thankful they gave me a house and tried their best to teach me how to be polite and all that education stuff. But this part of my life, now more than ever, is ending”

Nodding to her, Scoups managed to catch on something she didn’t explicitly say, but feeling she might need to let it out, he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and squeezed it before asking her.

“You wish your parents were here don’t you?” Those eight words were enough to make tears emerge and start falling from her eyes, pulling her to a hug, he patted her head as she clung to his shirt.

“What kind of question is that? Of course, I do” Hayun sniffled and gave him a small slap on the chest, but not giving up on the hug since she still was crying like she never had in front of him, or any of the boys for that matter. 

Drawing patterns on her back, Cheol waited for her breathing to stabilize “There’s no one else here, you can say whatever you want,” 

“I have no idea if this is what they wanted for me” Hayun finally said what she had been thinking since the encounter earlier, “I think this has subconsciously been eating me alive because I’ll never get to know if I’m making them proud.”

“How could you think you’re not making them proud?” Cheol’s smile could be heard from his soft tone. “You’re following your dreams. You never let your guard down and did as you could to do what you wanted, there’s no way your parents aren’t happy for you”

“But still” She sniffled pulling away to dry her tears, much calmer than before “My mom would always tell me that as long as our family is in agreement no bad choices could be made. After they passed away I feel like I’m walking around blind and there’s no way to know if I’m going the right way”

“Well, then you should be glad you now have thirteen brothers to make sure you’re doing fine” He smiled fondly cradling her head as she let out a breathy laugh, his words making her feel the safest she had in years “We take care of each other now Hay, you're not walking alone, and nothing is going to change that”

#seventeen 14th member #seventeen au #seventeen oc #seventeen female addition #seventeen addition #seventeen female member #seventeen extra member #seventeen female oc #seventeen fanfic #kpop addition #kpop oc #kpop au #kpop female oc #k pop oc #k pop au #k pop fanfiction #k pop addition #female!addition #female!oc #female!kpop #female!koc #koc #Hayun

[thecagedsong]

Forgotten Light: Chapter 5

A/N: Hi everyone, next chapter here. Back to Seth. You might recognize some bits from a Knox & Seth bonding fic I posted some months ago, but it’s different in the story and I still really like it. Enjoy!

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Chapter 5: Agitated

Have to take care of the sanctuary. Have to take care of the sanctuary. Have to take care of the sanctuary.

Seth’s mantra had stopped meaning anything ten minutes ago, but mantras were all about repetition, right? Maybe if he said it enough times, he would actually believe it. Because what he wanted, what he needed to be doing, was going after Kendra. And he was pacing at the top of Seth Tower to keep himself from doing something reckless without a plan. He could feel the elements of a plan buzzing in his head, and his last couple hadn’t turned out too badly. If only he could put them all together. It had been twelveish hours since they lost Kendra, he needed to get it together soon.

They had dealt Celebrant three deliberate blows: claiming their staff (complete with Kendra telling him off and Seth rebuilding the Keep), having the Somber Knight survive striking him in his own castle after taking away his title of caretaker (Wonder how the dragonslayer was doing? Probably suffering), and finally, denying him the Wizenstone. If the dragon king was smart, he’d take some time to lick his wounds.

Which meant Seth wasn’t needed here. 

He didn’t have enough proof for his grandparents, but he knew Ronodin was behind Kendra’s kidnapping. It didn’t matter that the Sphinx was likely the one who took the barrel at Fablehaven, only Ronodin knew Kendra had lost her memory. Kendra was more vulnerable than she had ever been, fairykind or not, and Seth couldn’t watch over some butt-hurt dragons when his sister needed him.

If Seth had been the one kidnapped, Kendra would never give up on him. But she wouldn’t abandon her duty as caretaker either. What could he do? What would she do?

A red-maned dragon reared its head over the inside walls of the keep, and Seth’s muscles seized into place.

“I’ve come to alert you about a message from Stormguard,” Marat said. “It is addressed to the Caretaker, and your grandparents are waiting for you to open it.”

He couldn’t be the caretaker, not alone, not if he still seized up like this. It was ridiculous. When he first encountered dragons, he didn’t feel scared, but his mind was mesmerized by the dragon, and he couldn’t think. Kendra cleared up his head, he cleared up her fear, and together they were a single dragon tamer. Since then, even without Kendra, he got to the point where he could keep his thoughts clear, and he wasn’t scared, but it was like his body wasn’t getting the memo.

“You have to get past this Seth,” Marat said, shaking his head.

He couldn’t be caretaker, not without his sister. He was the only caretaker; he couldn’t leave to find his sister.

Seth was the only caretaker.

Celebrant didn’t have a veto anymore. He could give the job to someone else, and go after his sister. Marat started to move away, but he needed to know now. He was one answer away from being able to go after Kendra.  

Inside his chest, he felt surge of control spread over his muscles “Marat, wait!” Seth said, and something settled over him, something that made him stand a little taller. Marat turned back, and drew his head closer, curiously. Seth grinned, “I’m the last Caretaker. Celebrant was stripped of his title. The treaty is back to its foundations. Can I turn being caretaker back over to you, and go after Kendra?”

“Well done Seth,” Marat said, then took a moment to think over Seth’s plan. “I do believe that is possible. The provisions of Celebrant’s veto were very specific to the amendment making him co-caretaker. Agad will be arriving soon, we will ask for his advice, but I see nothing wrong with that plan at present.”

Marat shapeshifted back into a human, alighting on the rampart beside him, “A shame that your loyalties take you elsewhere the moment you become a full dragon tamer,” Marat said casually.

“I did it?” Seth asked, “I did!”

“Yes, it seems your sister being in danger was enough for you to push past the final effects, just as the threat of Celebrant to your family was enough for Kendra.”

“Marat,” Seth said, “I know things are a mess, would you be able to keep things under control on your own?”

“Let’s see,” Marat said, holding up a hand, counting off his fingers, “You have already dealt with the Dragon Feast. There will not be another festival night for a quarter year. We have the staff and the amulet. The curse on Stormguard is lifted, and more Fair Folk generally heralds greater opportunities for peace. Celebrant will not be happy, nor will he give up his machinations. However, I do believe I would be able to manage.”

“You can call me back, in case you need any of my specific…expertise,” Seth grinned, and Marat smiled wryly. They both remembered how reluctant literally everyone was to give him the job. With Kendra missing, the risks were really nailed home, but no one could doubt their skill at keeping preserves functioning. First Fablehaven was the only one of the five secret preserves to hold itself together, and now Wrymroost, against the King of Dragons himself, was functioning better than ever.

“I believe I will try to reserve your assistance for true emergencies,” Marat said drily.

“Let’s keep our plan quiet,” Seth said, quietly, “At least until Agad tells us if we can do it and how. I know the staff was safe when we got here, but things have changed pretty quickly.”

Marat nodded, and they entered the interior of the keep. They approached their…War Room? To be honest, he hasn’t spent nearly enough time at his Castle to learn all the stuffy old names for everything. The room with lots of maps and chests. Since he was going to give up caretaking this place, this might be the last chance to name them himself.

Marat opened the door for him, and Seth walked in, shoulders squared.

“All right, I see everyone has gathered in the War Room. What have we got?”

Grandpa and Hendrick held back sniggers, Grandma rolled her eyes, Newel gave him a thumbs up. Grandma held out the letter.

Seth took it, cracked open the old-timey wax seal, and pulled out two pieces of paper. The first one had letters that were so old-timey they were basically illegible. He wasn’t even sure it was English. The second letter was written by Tanu.

Dear Sorenson’s,

We are safe. We have rested and celebrated the restoration of Stormguard Castle, and updated them as much as we could on the current status of the rest of the world. Knox was unfortunately blunt, and they will be holding with their neutrality. They are giving us a ride to Blackwell keep by flying carriage, don’t panic when we arrive. We look forward to understanding what occurred after you were separated from Lomo.

Regards,

Tanu.

Seth let out a sigh of relief. He hadn’t thought his friends were in danger based on Lockland and the Fair Folk’s general determination to stay as far away as possible from anything remotely interesting, but it was good to hear all the same.

“It’s fine. Stormguard is sending a carriage with Tanu and Knox. They already took him out of the quiet box it seems, and the first thing he did was stick his foot in his mouth,” Seth looked around him, “Any possible allies in Quiet Boxes here?”

“Oh, don’t you act like you didn’t mouth off to the Fair Folk about their neutrality the first chance you got,” Grandma said, as Seth handed her the letters. “And we are not sticking Knox in another quiet box. It’s not healthy for a growing child.”

Seth gave a put-upon sigh, “All right, fine. We’ll find somewhere to put him. Isn’t it a little dangerous to go flying around right now?”

Marat shook his head, “One of the benefits of the neutrality you so casually mock is that the carriage of Stormguard has full immunity for diplomatic missions under the treaty. They have as many, if not more, protection on their journey than we do at the castle.”

“Safe transport is a boon that should not be taken lightly,” Grandma Sorensen said, “Knox has already likely ruffled feathers, but they owe Seth and Kendra much for freeing them. Debts hold with Fair Folk like they do everyone else in this world, though their aid is limited in scope. Everyone on their best behavior. The official letter says much of the same”

Seth made a face, but didn’t argue because she was probably right.

An hour later everyone was gathered in the courtyard as the Carriage landed lightly in front of them. It didn’t even kick up dust. Never leaving a mark, just like the people that owned it.

Knox, Tanu, and Lockland exited the carriage.

“Glad to see you guys,” Seth said, giving Tanu a hug and punching Knox on the shoulder.

“I’m afraid we don’t come with good news. While everything is fine at Stormguard, we stopped off at Terrebelle to retrieve Tess and Doren,” Tanu said, “They weren’t there and no one knows where they went. Lord Dagorel’s daughter was missing as well.”

Well, that was rude of them. Who did they think they were? Wandering around a dangerous preserve like Wyrmroost the day after a festival night and in the middle of a dragon war? Now he was going to have to track them down himself and make sure no one gets eaten. How irresponsible — Oh no, Seth was turning into Grandpa.

“They have the cloak of innocence,” Knox assured them, “So they’re safer than us. But we should still find them.”

Seth rubbed his forehead, “Great. Yeah, we’ll get Henrick on it, see if we can track them down. And whatever else we can do. I’m guessing you guys want Eve back at Terrebelle too?”

“Lord Dagorel would appreciate your consideration,” Lockland said with a bow. Well that was a little much, Seth wasn’t going to be the one giving the order to send Eve anywhere. She could do what she wanted, as far as he was concerned, it was Tess that didn’t know anything about this world he didn’t want wandering around. Probably better not to mention that.

Lockland came up from his bow.

“Hey, none of that.” Seth said, giving a tired smile, Lockland was one of the better Fair Folk after all, “Thanks for helping back there. We literally could not have done it without you.”

Lockland shook his head, “Your sister is the heroine, towards the end the only help I could give was that of one mindless puppet not trying to capture her,” he looked around, “Where is she? I’d like to know that she’s alright for myself if that’s okay.”

Seth’s throat grew thick, but no tears came. He’d cried himself out that morning before Grandma passed him one of Tanu’s calming potions, finally allowing him to get some sleep.

“Kendra…lost her memory,” Seth said, looking at the ground, not at the horrified faces in front of him.

“The key of forgetting,” Lockland said. It must have been mentioned in one of the riddles that he heard. “Seth, I’m so sorry —”

“What the heck Seth Breath?” Knox said, “You’re supposed to protect your sister!”

“I have the authority to send you to the dungeons,” Seth threatened back, “I know what I was supposed to do, but she stole the key from me and wouldn’t listen.”

“Can I still see her?” Lockland asked, “I don’t have to talk to her, just make sure that she’s okay. I feel terrible about not being able to do more before you guys came.”

“Sorry,” Seth said tightly, more than ready to shift the blame to the Fair Folk, but Grandma’s warning made him pull back, “But that privilege is reserved for allies and friends, not neutral diplomats. I only told you about her memory because Celebrant already knows what happened and you helped us. You aren’t getting any more information from me until I know you won’t give it up to the dragons for a perfectly neutral reason.”

Lockland flinched back. He had spent the past several hundred years as a human in a competition, it had probably been a while since he’d dealt with the drawbacks of neutrality. If he had ever dealt with it before. After meeting the royal children of Stormguard, Seth wouldn’t be surprised if their parents kept them under lock and key and only taught them untested morality anyway.

“Seth,” Grandma Ruth hissed. She turned to Lockland, “I would like to apologize for the Caretaker’s current temperament. The loss of his sister’s memory, due in part the schemes of Celebrant and Ronodin, is still a fresh blow. Thank you for returning our friends to us.”

Subdued, Lockland nodded, “I also came to inquire about what happened to my brother Tregain. As you are mourning the loss of your sister’s memories, surely you won’t begrudge me knowing the fate of my brother. Enemies though we were, he is family.”

Seth felt a pang then. He wasn’t being fair. It wasn’t like Lockland hadn’t suffered under the curse. And with a memory-less Kendra captured by Ronodin, Seth might be fighting his sibling in the future. Oh God, he might have to fight Kendra.

He shoved those thoughts aside, he needed to get through this, “Tregain died, so did Obregon. There was a final trap for the Wizenstone, anyone who touched it…turned to ash. The only thing I could do was send the stone away with the Rod of Banishment. It was…it was never winnable in the first place.”

Lockland was still and silent, then he nodded. “We were playing a dangerous game with the greatest prize. That those two were the only deaths is…nicer, than what other competitions for magical items are like. The business of the Fair Folk is concluded. Farewell, Caretaker Seth Sorenson.”

Lockland stepped back into the carriage, but before closing the door, turned back to Seth, “I know what we all have to do in war, but believe me when I say I can never thank you and your sister enough for ending the curse. I hope you succeed, and I hope for your safety. If Kendra is willing to give up her place in the war, now that she has no memory of what she is fighting for or how to fight, she will be welcome at Stormguard to wait in neutrality as others take her place in your battle.”

Seth didn’t know what to say. No witty comebacks, no apologies, nothing came to mind.

“Thank you for this extension, we will consider it and offer it to her when we see her next,” Grandpa Sorenson said with a bow, “Please return with the knowledge that Blackwell Keep rejoices in the freedom of you and your people.”

Lockland nodded, acknowledging Grandpa’s words, and closed the door. The carriage took off.

Grandma put a hand to her head. “Seth, I am terrified to know what you said when you and Kendra visited Terrebelle.”

“It wasn’t so bad,” Calvin’s voice piped up from Tanu’s pocket, “Lord Dalgorel’s children were quite accommodating and understanding. Kendra did most of the talking.” Tanu lifted the nipsie out of his pocket and handed Calvin to Seth.

“Calvin, we left you with Patton!” Seth said.

“As soon as dawn hit, I went to test the barriers and found them undone,” Calvin said, “Patton will be making his way back with the flying mounts soon.”

“Forgive me,” Tanu said slowly, “But if Kendra truly has lost her memory, letting her claim sanctuary with the Fair Folk sounds like a good temporary measure. Her abilities are extraordinary, and easy to be misused and misguided.”

“Come inside,” Grandma said, “We have to catch each other up.”

“Hey, I’m sorry for snapping at you about Kendra,” Knox said, walking beside Seth, “I know both of you, and Kendra’s stubborn as a rock. And its not like I did any better protecting Tess from danger.”

“I would say sorry for threatening to put you in the dungeon,” Seth replied, “But I’m not. You’re making me realize just how much Grandma and Grandpa were trying to protect me when I first learned about this stuff, it sucks.”

“I bet Kendra was always trying to protect you too,” Knox said, “How long do you think it will be before she’s back at that? At least she doesn’t have the grounds to nag you when she doesn’t know what’s going on.”

“Shut up,” Seth said, slamming the keep door shut. “I don’t know. I don’t know if she’ll ever talk to us again. I don’t know if the next time she sees me, she’ll try to kill me. Ronodin kidnapped her, and she is somewhere, right now, being convinced that she’s Ronodin’s girlfriend and would do absolutely anything for him.”

“Did I hear right?” Tanu asked, turning back. Grandma sighed.

“Yes, and I think we could all use some tea right about now.”

Seth glared at his teacup while his grandparents caught everyone up. Newel had gotten the task of brewing, snagged on their way back to the War Room, and he was sure Newel slipped a little bit extra in for the adults. Seth knew, because they had caught eyes as he was about to slip something from an unidentified bottle into Knox’s tea, and Seth shook his head.

“Agad will be here in the morning, to follow up on what leads he can,” Grandpa finished.

“I’m telling you, it was Ronodin,” Seth said, “The sleezy jerk was all over Kendra, trying to make her blush and calling her ‘Love’. It’s going to be Gavin all over again.”

“Then perhaps you can take some faith,” Tanu said gently, “Kendra’s heart is good, and her abilities meant to help and heal. Our enemies will have a long ways to go to convince her to do harm. And do not forget who else Ronodin is holding captive.”

Seth blinked, then smiled, “Bracken. If anyone can convince her that she’s better than that jerk, its him.” Seth turned to Knox, remembering that Knox didn’t know who Bracken was, and saw his cousin staring into his cooled cup of tea. Seth nudged him with his shoulder, “Hey, no spacing out in the War Room. Bracken is Kendra’s unicorn boyfriend. They’ve done the prison spree thing before. It only took them five-ish hours, I think. It will probably take a little longer with Kendra’s memory gone, and we’ll have to give them a hand, but that’s good news. As good as it gets anyway.”

“Yeah, uh, I’m a little off, I think I’m going to get some air,” Knox said, putting down his teacup. He left the room, heading inward instead of towards the outside.

“Did something happen at Stormguard after they let him out?” he asked Tanu, frowning after his cousin.

Tanu shook his head, paused then said, “A pretty girl was invited to dine with him. Like most young folk, he couldn’t resist the urge to brag about what appeared to be an unconditional win. Between understanding that it was not the win he thought it was, and likely feeling remaining guilt over the stolen barrel. I believe, given time, he will work through his problems.”

“He likely also thinks that you blame him,” Grandpa Sorensen said, “Please try to keep your temper. You are in charge here, and your attitudes and temperaments affect everyone. The situation with Kendra is bleak, and you must hold together.”

“In better news,” Marat said, “Seth has managed to conquer the last hold of Dragon fear. I found him as a dragon, and he spoke to me clearly.”

Grandma brightened, “Oh, that’s wonderful Seth.”

“It feels kind of an empty victory,” Seth admitted.

Grandpa smiled, “One more dragon tamer in the world is a victory all the same.”

Seth looked around, “When was Henrick supposed to be back?” Maybe the Alcetaur would have something for him to do to whittle the hours until Agad showed up. There wasn’t anything they could do from their end except guard the barrel.

“He’ll be back in the morning,” Grandma said. “I know it’s frustrating, but the wait is short.”

“What if we tried to establish communication through the barrel?” Seth asked, the idea popping into his head.

Everyone blinked at him. “It’s a shared space, right? Coulter showed us how it worked with coins and tin cans,” Seth said, “It doesn’t just move people. If we put in a letter, asking for Ronodin to tell us what he wants in exchange for Kendra, maybe we can work out a trade.”

“Classic,” Newel said, “All the crime shows agree, the first thing you do with a kidnapper is keep them talking. Then you do a little give, a little take, until you’re negotiating for the right stuff. Once they trust you, Bam! Hit them where it hurts.”

Grandma and Grandpa shared a look, “It wouldn’t hurt.” Grandma said. “It will let us track activity with the barrel, if nothing else.”

“I’d feel better waiting until we have Agad’s approval,” Grandpa replied, “But I can’t see any harm, and the longer Kendra is in their grasp, the worse it will be. Could you write the letter?”

Grandma nodded, standing up. “Just to explain that we are open to negotiating for the return of Kendra. Hopefully their reply will contain clues as to where they are, even if they ask for something we can’t give.”

“I have a feeling we will not get peace enough to brew for a while yet,” Tanu said, returning his teacup to the tray, “And my ingredients are most potent fresh. We slept a while before the celebration at Stormguard, I will be brewing in my room, if you need me.”

They both left. “That was a smart idea, Seth,” Grandpa Sorenson said. Seth slumped, “Yeah, but there still isn’t anything I can do.”

“I have the feeling you’ll have the chance to do plenty,” Grandpa said, “Tess and Doren are still at Terrebelle. Agad is coming. If you like, we can do something active. How about a sword-fighting lesson? See if these old bones remember anything.”

He let Grandpa get him into a sword fighting lesson. He didn’t use Tregain’s sword, as the goal was to be seen and fight, and instead practiced as many moves as he could remember Warren and Vanessa teaching him. Grandpa showed him a few as well, from back when he learned.

Grandpa was much more of the “best way to win was never be hit, and you don’t get hit if you’re never there” camp. Instead of Warren and Vanessa’s focus on attacking, counter attacking, and movement economy with broad swords, Grandpa had him dodging in circles, keeping out of striking range by positioning himself on the outer side of the blade.

When Seth complained about not having a good position to attack, Grandpa proceeded to disarm him seven times in a row, attacking from that exact angle when Seth was too slow to move. It was safe to say that ‘the best way to win is to not be there’ was beaten into his arms by dinner.

Knox still hadn’t come back, so Seth took a plate of food and started asking around to find his cousin. Grandpa and Tanu had both suggested giving Knox space, but they didn’t know him. Grandpa wasn’t related to Knox, and Knox was the kind of person that needed someone to show off to in order to be a person at all.

Eventually a dwarf pointed him towards the room at the very top of the central structure. It wasn’t really a room, since it had no walls, just a couple of pillars holding up the roof. A sort of small pavilion.

“I see you’ve found the High Judgement Court,” Seth said, rounding the top of the stairs.

“That what this place is called? It was empty, I figured I wouldn’t bother anyone here, but I suppose it’s a fitting place for me,” Knox said.

“You missed dinner, I brought you some food,” Seth said.

Knox waved it away. “I ate my fill at Stormguard.”

Seth set down the plate of food by him anyway, “You know, we’re taking turns being an absolute wreck about Kendra. I had first go before sunrise, Grandma and Grandpa went while I was sleeping. Thought I should warn you that your turn is almost up.”

“I can’t believe you’re still cracking jokes while Kendra’s kidnapped,” Knox said, clenching his fists. “And with the person whose fault it is.”

“Ronodin’s not here,” Seth said, “He’d be getting a sword to the gut if he was.”

“It’s my fault Kendra was kidnapped!” Knox yelled. “Everyone knows it, they’re all angry and just trying to spare my feelings. It was making me sick. That’s why I am up here. Now leave.”

“Knox, you screwed up,” Seth said, “Everyone does it. No one blames you. We’ve fought tricky enemies before, and we’ve all figured out how to put the blame where it belongs, on the bad guys. You’re the only one who hasn’t yet.”

Knox snorted, “Maybe everyone makes mistakes, but not everyone gets people kidnapped on their first go.”

And it clicked for Seth, in a weird moment of vague empathy. Looking at Knox, he remembered a rushed salt circle, clinging to Kendra, trembling as ghastly noises raged through the house.

Seth regretted not coming sooner.

“No, you’re right, some of us wait until our second mistake to get our family members kidnapped and threaten the whole world,” Seth said. Knox jerked to look at him, but if they were going to have a feeling-ish touchy heart-to-heart, Seth was going to be looking over the preserve.

“You can’t mean —”

“We haven’t had any time between dragon feasts, cursed tournaments, and everything else,” Seth started, “But you’re a couple of important hours late to the magic party. Back when we went to Grandma and Grandpa Larsen’s funeral, all our parents went on a cruise, remember?” Knox nodded. “Kendra and I were sent to stay at Fablehaven for two weeks.”

“That’s when you found out about this stuff? You’ve only known three years?” Knox asked, looking a little perplexed, “I thought you guys had been doing this way longer. How’d you get to be in charge?”

“Longer story,” Seth said ruefully, “We knew things were a little odd, back then. Grandpa kept telling me to stay out of the woods for more and more dangerous reasons, while Kendra played riddle games in the attic of the main house. Grandpa had set up clues for us, to see if we were curious enough to be open to the secrets. Kendra figured out about the milk, she used me as her guinea pig.

“My first mistake? I wanted a pet fairy. A fairy trader had come to visit, and I thought I could catch one too. He was a real adventurer, you know? But I didn’t know the rules, like you didn’t know not to trust the dungeon goblins. I caught a fairy, and kept it in my drawer overnight. Doing that turns the fairy into an imp. Dark, scaly, multiple fangs and eyes, angry. A butterfly into a spider. She had pleaded and begged me from inside the jar not to keep her trapped, but I knew so much better than her, I was going to release her in the morning.”

“Woah,” Knox said, “Tess would hate you forever for that. Could you undo it? With your shadow stuff?”

Seth smiled ruefully, “Me? No, no one can undo that. And the shadow stuff came later. So the fairies got their revenge. You made it to Terrebelle because Tess is like, the most innocent person ever, right? That day was when I lost my innocence protection under most treaties. The fairies came and attacked me. The next part’s a little fuzzy, Kendra said I was some kind of malformed, fleshy walrus. It hurt, my senses were all mixed up, I was breathing through my back, and Grandpa and Kendra fixed me by making a deal with a witch. So yeah, my first mistake didn’t get anyone kidnapped, but it wasn’t a small deal either.”

Knox hesitated, and Seth waited.

“And… and your second mistake?”

“The third floor of the main house is meant for children, and when only children are in it, they have extra protection. You saw how everything went crazy last night?” Seth checked, and Knox nodded, “That’s what happens on the summer solstice at every preserve. Part of the treaty says they can party without boundaries on solstices and equinoxes. The boundaries of the actual buildings at Fablehaven stay secure, but the creatures can party around the yard and all the way up to the window.”

Knox shuddered, “Dude, you’re making this sound like a horror story.”

Seth gave a weak smile. The sun was finally starting to touch the horizon, on the longest day of the year. “Dude, because it was. Over and over they told me not to go near the windows. Don’t look. Phantoms can take any shape, and wraiths were waiting to suck the life out of you. But that just sounded so cool. A little peek wouldn’t hurt anyone. Looking never hurt anyone.

“I peeked. Kendra scolded me the whole time. Fairies were lighting up jack o’lanterns outside the window, keeping the worst of the monsters away so I didn’t see anything good. They saw me though, and the fairies couldn’t ditch me fast enough. They hadn’t forgiven me for turning their sister into an imp. They flew away, Kendra dragged me back. Creatures got right up to the window and started playing out horrible things. It was the wolves eating toddlers that got me, and I opened the window, worried for the kid. That let them in the house. We managed to get the creatures out of the attic, and nothing could get back in with the extra protections. The ones I let in though, they let in all their friends to the rest of the house.”

“No,” Knox said. Seth looked over and saw the appropriate look of horror.

“Yep, I clung to Kendra like a baby the whole night. When it was over in the morning, Dale was a statue, Lena and Grandpa were abducted, Hugo gone. See, it took my second mistake to really mess things up. You were able to do a lot of good before your big screw up. You helped with the scepter, which, no joke, saved Wrymroost. And we wouldn’t have found Lockland, who gave us the glove to go forward, if we didn’t put you in the quiet box.”

“They couldn’t attack me because of the whole innocence thing, right? How did you guys get out of it? How did you fix your mistake back then?”

The memories replayed in his mind.

“Err, I have the feeling you’re not going to believe me if I told you,” Seth said with a small grin.

“Really dude?” Knox protested, “I was turned into gold last night, flew back here in a flying carriage, your sister was kidnapped by a wooden puppet after loosing her memory, and waiting out there are a bunch of dragons ready to kill us. I think I can take whatever you did at Fablehaven to rescue your grandparents.”

Seth stood up, “I’ve pulled you out of your slump. No one blames you, because mistakes happen, and what’s important is working to fix them. Come on, it’s time to turn in.”

“I’m not leaving until I get the rest of the story,” Knox said, “You can’t leave me hanging like that.”

“Fine. Well, first off, Grandma Sorenson hadn’t been captured because she had been turned into a chicken…”

#Forgotten Light #fablehaven #dragonwatch #seth sorenson #Really like this one #Seth feels like Grandpa #Am I using Tess and Knox to grow Kendra and Seth as teachers/mentors #could be

[mildly-incoherent-ramblings]

Honey Sticks (Straws? Tubes? What Do You Call Them?)

A distant friend's friend was making care packages for trans people and asked folks on Instagram if they wanted them, so I asked for one. This has been a hard season on me and I thought hey, what the hell, worst case scenario I don't get one and its whatever. Right?

This was months ago, and I forgot almost immediately after doing so. It came today. 

There were lots of things included that made me happy, little gestures of sweetness. Two tea bags, one for sleep and one for relaxation, which I had not had much of either and needed. A sticker of a cute little spider, of whom I have complicated feelings for and have grown to love, though from a distance. Some candies, a lemon-honey cough drop, a very nice card, a note and a patch with an anarchy symbol framed in a heart that I bet will probably fade in 3 or so washes but I will wear anyways. It is after all, the thought that counts. But the gesture that warmed my soul and brought me great joy, was the honey stick. 

I didn’t process the significance at first. There were so many of these little items at once and I was just overwhelmed overall by this small expression of kindness. I thanked the person, followed them, thanked the person who had told them I wanted one and made sure I was following them, and set these things aside for a little while to tend to other things. 

I had a stressful situation involving a kitchen mess that triggered me a little and had just sat down after addressing said stressful situation when my eyes fixed on the little honey stick along with the candy I had been given. I ate the mango hi-chew first and briefly was paranoid it would fill the cavities in my teeth and have me regretting it. 

Then I went for the honey stick. I held it in my hands, rolled it gently between my fingers. I watched the honey move through the tube as I squeezed it in different places and the nostalgia started to set in. I remember long drives to the bay as a child with my grandparents and stopping at this little roadside farm that had produce and preserves and flowers and always, little straws filled with honey and sealed off, what I called as a child and refer to now as honey sticks. 

The texture was familiar, cool plastic between my fingers. I popped the seal gently with my teeth and pushed about half the tube onto my tongue. As soon as it hit my taste buds, I was transported to this place. To where my grandfather was still alive, in my mind, during a time where he and my grandmother were still at least as far as I knew, quite happy. The sweetness and the floral and the acidic and the smooth texture floated in my salivating mouth, as tears welled up in my eyes. I felt it coat the back of my teeth, savored it, before swallowing and squeezing from the tube the rest of its contents. I did not waste a single drop of this wonderful gift. I sat with the sadness and the nostalgia and the longing for some time. And then my eyes fixated on the pamphlet from his memorial service hanging in the corner. I miss the man, for all the problems he came with and all the unanswered questions and unresolved hurt I had felt. Missed that time where I had the privilege of being a child, before I was old enough to understand that though my loved ones loved me indeed, their love would only extend as far as their own perspective’s limitations reached.

The last two times I saw my grandpa sit in my stomach like bricks in a burlap sack. The second to last time, he was moving out of state with his good friend, and the last words he chose to say to me were “I love you, Granddaughter.” I had been out as transmasculine to my family for several years, and he was one of the only members of my family who flat out refused to support my decisions. I told my grandma about how I felt about this several months later, at the time worried this may be the last time I ever saw him. I felt like he did not want to see my transition, and did not want to see the man I would become. As much as I love my grandma, she doesn’t keep a secret worth a shit, so of course she went behind my back and told him everything. She always does. 

The very last time we saw each other, he tried to discuss this event and how it impacted him. By this time I was fully growing into my masculine body, had little pubescent hairs shading my upper lip and a deepened voice. He still adamantly misgendered me, refused to even look at me, the entire time. He simply could not see me. He asked me why I would do this to my family. He asked me why I would make them all suffer seeing me like this, as if my choice to live authentically was harmful to everyone around me. He was also under the distinct impression that our loved ones regarded my choices with the same level of disgust he had. He expressed revulsion and shame for my choices, and wanted to agree to disagree, under the impression still that he could just see me as a woman and ignore all the changes I had made and the life I was living, and how much even the other skeptical members of my family had adjusted since. He did not want another grandson, especially one who was a fag. That car ride brought a lot of tension, and the entire time we spent after with my grandma when we met her for lunch, was plated on a bed of unspoken mutual contempt for one another. He salted an already deep and still fresh wound, and it festered over. It still has not quite healed. 

Ironically, it would be revealed not too long after, that my brother had discovered that grandpa himself was in fact very much a gay man. While he was assisting him with formatting his cell phone, my brother would accidentally stumble on a still open incognito tab with some... very gay content still open. Along with that, a string of messages with his “good friend,” who had apparently been his lover the entire time. My brother responded with compulsory homophobic remarks that I will not repeat, but mostly just frustration that he had been dishonest with my grandma all these years. The discomfort that situation has inspired in me still hasn’t properly been unpacked. Everyone was wrong in that situation. Everyone.

Go figure. He and his good friend, “they were roommates.” 

When he passed, my father came and told me in person. I finally spoke of what had happened between us, and even he was angered by the hypocrisy, saying he had known for years that my grandfather was not straight. I know now that how he treated me was what he did for himself to avoid suspicion. Because if I had the audacity to be out, that meant there was little left for an excuse for him to hide. I threatened his cover. I threatened his disguise. I cracked his mask. I left his closet open ajar and he peered outside, horrified at the possibilities he saw.

Acknowledging all this, even still, I could not help but enjoy this moment of being brought back to this familiar childhood memory, before all of that would happen. This person who sent me this great gift could not have known the significance, but rest assured, I am quite grateful. I enjoyed this moment and then it was gone, and then it was back to reality in front of my computer, staring at the wall. The knowledge that that same man who loved me dearly was also undeniably cruel to me burned my skin and flooded my eyes. Hidden beneath that hurt and sadness, I felt remorse for him, because he never did feel safe speaking his truth to us, not even to the others in our family who related to him. I often think of his lover, and how painful it must have been for this man to mourn him publicly as a good friend, and privately as an intimate partner of whom adored him and cared for him in ways they could not ever feel safe speaking of.

Sitting with this conflict of nostalgia and longing for the safety of my adolescent ignorance, with the truth and the reality as I have come to know it, I let my own mask fall, and cried for the first time in months since he had died. It is possible to both love a person who was once good to you and also acknowledge when their actions created harm, and to hold them accountable. I do not believe it to be disrespect to the dead to also speak of their faults as well as their glory. Joy and sadness and frustration and unanswered questions looked down on me, crowded around me, mocked me.

My hands shake as I type and I am overwhelmed with the juxtaposition of these strong emotions.

Written some time in mid July.

RIP August 19th, 2020

#gay #closeted #coming out #family #disrespect #no closure #sadness #hurt #living in the past #grief #grieving #processing #truth #changing #lgbtq #lgbtqia #moving on

[thirtysomethingloser92]

Chapter 3

Summary: After being removed from his own time, Agent Daniel Sousa finds himself in 2020 lost, alone and vulnerable. You, an Avenger, find yourself face to face with Director Coulson and Agent May begging you to help another man out of time. This time however, instead of a super soldier, you meet an average man haunted by war and a time he once knew.    Pairings: Daniel Sousa x Reader.

“I think he’s spiralling. He’s been obsessively reading those files you gave him; he barely eats, I usually have to force him out of his room to interact with me. I gave him a book on world history but apart from that he knows the basics, but he doesn’t really want to throw himself into it.” You told Phil as you slowly walked up the stairs to your apartment building, “We’re having a few hiccups, but nothing I can’t handle,” You slightly grimaced at the memory of Daniel placing a tin can in the microwave, “Just like teaching a baby,” You thought about it for a moment, “A baby who can use a gun and possibly beat the ever living hell out of me. Anyway, how are you going about this bracelet removal thing?” “I currently have the absolute best I have to offer working on it for you. She says she should have something to try within the week,” A pause, “Are you sure you wanna go down this path? If Ross finds out what’s happening, there’s only so much I can do to keep you out of the Raft. And that’s if he’s feeling nice,” You paused out the front of your apartment door, silence falling between the pair of you for a moment, “I can’t help Daniel the same way I helped Steve if I don’t have it off. And I’m scared that he’ll be swallowed by this darkness if I don’t help him, he’s not a super soldier, he’s not enhanced in any way. He’s just a normal guy who was struggling with the aftermath of the war and now pulled out of time. I’m not scared of the Raft Phil. And I’m absolutely not scared of General Ross,” “I’ll see what I can do,”. You gave him a soft thanks as you placed your phone back into your pocket, giving a small smile to Audrey who walked past you clutching the gem necklace that hung around her neck tightly in her hand. She paused for a moment, “How’s having a new roommate?” “He’s very quiet,” You laughed as you shifted your bags from one hand to another. Audrey shrugged her shoulders, “He’ll come around. New York is a big change if you’re not used to it,” You laughed, “Anyway I should get going. I need to pick up some flowers on the way to see my grandparent’s graves,” “Awh,” You gave her a sad smile, “What type?” “Lilies, my grandma loved lilies. Granddad not so much, but he’d fill the house with them to make her happy,” You grinned, “They’re my favourite as well. He sounds wonderful,” “He was. He was my best friend,”. Audrey gave a small wave to you as she made her way down the path you had just come from. You watched as the brunette walked away before turning back to the door and pushing it open. You could smell the familiar aroma of coffee mixed in with your floral air freshener. You walked into the kitchen, dumping the bags on the counter and pulling out several packets of meat, sauces and pastas, “I’ve decided,” You began as Daniel walked into the kitchen to see what you were doing, “To cook tonight. Phil introduced me to this amazing pasta recipe back when I first started with the Avengers Initiative. And I figured since I haven’t really had the chance to introduce you to my cooking since arriving, now would be a great opportunity. Whatdya say?” You gave him a large grin as you held up the mince packet and the large jar of sauce Daniel gave a soft smile and shook his head, “I’ve love too, but uh,” He pointed back to his bedroom, “I have some things I need to finish first,” “I swear I’m not an awful cook,” You bargained, placing the items down on the bench and leaning forward, “In fact I used to regularly be the chef at the compound. Along with Wanda of course,” “Wanda?” “Maximoff. She’s another enhanced. I hope you both get to meet one day,” You smiled gently at him as he came and sat down at the breakfast bench, leaving his walking stick hanging off the bench by it’s handles. “Okay. I’ll give your cooking a try. On the condition that I cook tomorrow night,” A larger smile crossed your face. This was good. This was him coming out of his shell, a sense of normalcy, “I supervise,” “You supervise,” You couldn’t help the smile that grew across your face as a smile crossed his own. You could still see the haunted look in his deep brown eyes as he smiled back, but you couldn’t help but to count this as a victory. Here he was, with you, away from his bedroom and his case files, a cup of coffee in his hands that he made himself; and you figured that perhaps you didn’t need your bracelet to know what was happening with Daniel Sousa, maybe all you needed was to use your brain.

<> 

You couldn't help but to play with the silver glistening bracelet, even though it was an item that took away your identity, something that you should hate more than anything on this planet, but you loved the way it shone in the sun. You loved how sometimes, when the light from the streetlights hit the right angle, it could illuminate in the night. Like a glowing beacon in a storm.

The night air was cool around your body, the silky pyjamas Tony had brought you a year earlier for your birthday didn't do much to keep out the bitter chill that the Winter nights were bringing in. Your fingers traced the silver band, small dents from the many times you had tried to remove it littered the polished surface. A small yawn escaped your lips as your arm fell limply by your side and you resumed staring up at the darkened ceiling. Sleep wasn't coming easy for you; the worry you held for Daniel was almost suffocating.

With Steve, he would at the very least sit with you on the couch while blankly watching whatever show was on the television. But with Daniel he would hole himself away where you couldn’t see his emotions. You knew that he was trying so hard to be strong, but even the strongest rocks crumble.

You knew he was in his room, because you could hear him occasionally shuffling around. A part of you wanted to go into him, to sit with him so you could reassure him that he had someone to talk too; however you knew that this was something that he had to experience for himself, something he had to deal with by himself.

There was no going back to the past for him, there was only moving forward, and if this was the way he could do that, then you would support him every step of the way.

With a groan, you pushed your blankets back and moved out of your large bed, wrapping your dressing gown around your body and making your way into the kitchen. You didn't put the kettle on like you normally would have, instead you reached into the pantry and pulled out a small pocket of chocolate biscuits before climbing on to the bench, the packet of open biscuits sitting beside you as you watched the shining lights of the New York skyline from your window.

And that was how Daniel found you moments later when he limped out and looked at you in shock, as if he hadn't been expecting anyone else to be awake at this time of night.

"Sup?" You offered; a mouth still filled with a half-chewed biscuit. You reached down and picked up the packet, holding the open end to him, "Biscuit. You bailed pretty quick after dinner," You gave a small shrug when he shook his head, placing the packet back down, "Which is a shame because there was a great movie on tonight you would have enjoyed,"

"Would’ve I? 4 weeks I've been living here, and I can't say our ideas of a good movie match yet," Daniel replied. stepping further into the kitchen, reaching into a cupboard and pulling out a glass, "Dinner was good though. Thank you," He poured some water in the glass as you ate another biscuit.

"Yeah of course it was, I cooked it," You joked, remembering how he hate barely half what he had on his plate. You noticed the dark grey circles under his eyes, how pale his skin was looking, the slight shake in his hand, "You should eat something though,"

He rinsed the empty glass under the running tap as he rose an eyebrow, "Like chocolate biscuits?"

"I never said I was the healthiest person in the world" Your smile faltered as you saw the somewhat distressed look on the agent’s face, “Are you okay? It’s 2am,”

Daniel shook his head and leaned against the granite countertop, his eyes downcast as if he were searching for the strength to actually open up to you. You knew it was going to be difficult for him to do so, especially coming out of the time period he did where men showing any sort of emotion was a sign of weakness. You stopped chewing and watched him closely, watching as his jaw clenched, his fingers grabbing on to the edge of the counter as if he were using it to physically hold himself up.

You decided to take the initiative in this conversation. He barely even knew anything about you, perhaps he wouldn’t open to you until you opened to him.

“I’m an empath,” You started.

Daniel’s eyes shot up to meet yours, his eyebrows furrowing as to ask why you were talking about it. Instead of acknowledging it, you just held up your wrist, once again showing him your band and gave a small smile, “I can feel other people’s emotions with just a touch. I can also manipulate them to feel what I want them to feel. Both a blessing and a curse that one,” You gave a self-depreciating smile, “Ever since I’ve had this band on it’s like I’m missing a piece of myself. I can touch things; I can touch people and I feel nothing. There’s just this emptiness inside me that I can’t find anything to fill it with. It’s the reason why I need it off,”

“Do you feel everything? Or are you able to control it?” Daniel asked, his posture somewhat more relaxed now that you were talking about yourself instead of whatever was going on in his head.

A short nod, “Yeah. I lived in a compound with an egotistical genius who never slept, a super soldier from 1945, a genius with awful anger issues, and two assassins. You don’t live with those type of people and not learn how to control it. Although, when someone’s feeling something and it’s overpowering, I can feel that no matter how hard I try to stop it,”

You remember putting your hand on Tony’s shoulder after he watched that video of his parents dying, the pure rage and betrayal spread through his body and into your mind. Tears welled in your eyes as your body almost crumbled under the weight of grief your friend was feeling. Swallowing deeply, you shook away the memory and turned back to Daniel who was watching you with curious eyes.

“You look tired, you should get to bed,” He gave a lopsided smile, watching as a small smile crossed your own face.

“I’m worried about you,” You admitted, catching Daniel’s brown eyes with your own and holding them.

He shook his head, “Don’t be. I’m okay,”

“Liar,”

A small smile crossed his face as he reached over and grabbed a biscuit out of the packet, holding it up to show you that he had it. You watched as he took a bite of it and leaned on the counter.

“I’ve just sort of realised that no matter what, I’m not going back. I can’t walk around my neighbourhood again, see friends, family. I miss them,”

“Would you go back? If you had a chance?”

“In a heartbeat” There was zero hesitation in his voice, his eyes showing the desperation, the sadness he felt missing his loved ones.

“I’m sorry” You stated quietly.

“Me Too”

Tags:

iamwarrenspeacejcc04220pancakefancakebuckywhitewolfbarnesjutima55thegirlwithoutaname87@cleoccnalabarnes1031ovemesomepietrojoyfullyswimmingfaceastudyoftimeywimeystuffnikey-no-likeymaraudersandcostanningissohardtruly-dionysus@space-helen @mackycat11 @stuckysdaughter@incorrectqus​  stanningissohardthemistsofmyavalon redcresent thegirlwithoutaname87

#Daniel Sousa x reader #enver gjokaj #Agent Cater #Marvel #Agents Of Shield #Daniel Sousa

[castiel-kline]

can we talk about the scene where jack meets his grandparents??? please?? it breaks my heart everytime and your kline family gifset didn't help. please ramble, kitkat!!

First of all anon I think you must be psychic because watching that scene is what gave me the idea to make that post and I saved the gifs under “kline family gifset” while I was editing them. Just wild to me that you phrased it exactly the same 😂

But I would absolutely LOVE to talk about this, yes. 

Under a cut because if you specifically ask for rambles, you’re gonna get some rambling 💕

Let’s start by talking about why he went in the first place. He had to sneak out of the Bunker to do so, which he knew full well was dangerous and going to get him in trouble. When he comes back (and gets in trouble) he tells Cas that “it wasn’t a risk” which, hmm. But then he goes on to say, “I heard what you were saying, Cas, about finding out where I came from. I never knew my mother. I thought the next best thing might be for me to meet the only real family that I have left.” Presumably he’s referring to earlier in the episode when Cas told him that “the past, where you came from, that’s important. But it’s not as important as the future and where you’re going.” 

And to be honest I feel like Jack did take a pretty good message out of that. It’s just so sad to me that at this point he still thinks family is defined by blood (big ouch for Cas there too), and I think maybe that’s because even though he was born thinking Cas was his father, everybody (the boys, angels, demons, etc) told him no. Everyone was telling him that Lucifer is his father, Lucifer is his dad because Lucifer is in his DNA, and that’s just how it is. So despite his connection with Cas being stronger than Lucifer’s influence even before Jack was born, he was forcibly taught that none of that mattered by everyone’s constant worrying that he’d turn out to be evil (which… I’m no expert but I’m pretty sure evil isn’t genetic. So the whole thing is a little wild anyway). 

Now, I’m convinced that Jack has always fully loved and trusted Cas, but I think the nature v. nurture mindset -of, you know, everyone- complicated things a bit at the start. Fortunately, though, nobody could take away or undermine his connection with Kelly in a similar way because they ARE biologically related, so a lot of the time in season 13 I feel like Jack was basing his actions on whether or not Kelly would approve. If I’m remembering correctly, the whole reason he gave Lucifer a chance in the first place (besides his natural curiosity) was because Kelly told him in the video she left for him that no one would blame him if he went looking for Lucifer one day. He’s CONSTANTLY thinking about Kelly. He loves her so much.

So here we are in the beginning of season 14, and Jack has no idea what he’s supposed to be doing. He feels useless, and because of that he’s doubting what his place is (unfortunately this is a very Castiel thing to do). So, as usual, he looks to his mother for guidance. But since he can’t ask her directly, and Cas was the only other person who actually knew Kelly (I feel like Jack’s the type of kid to avoid “bothering” dad when he’s busy), Jack somehow found his grandparents. Logical conclusion, not even gonna lie.

I really wonder how he even did that. How did he find out about them? Did Cas know they were still around? Where do they live? How did Jack get there, since he couldn’t drive yet and he couldn’t fly at the time? I guess those things aren’t that important in the long run. But he gets there, and UGH does this scene break me inside.

The simple fact that he sought them out hurts me and melts my heart simultaneously, but just… 

The look on his face when he opens the door is too much for me. It’s like this mix of refined fear (probably of rejection) and this open wonder because this woman is his grandmother. And he knows he can’t tell her that. And then when he introduces himself and Jack Sr. comes over like “My name is Jack too!” all excited, and Jack’s expression switches from something sad to more of that wonder and he just goes “I know.” AHHHH. I think he’s probably very proud to have something that connects him to Kelly and Kelly’s direct family even further.

The entire scene definitely gave off visiting the grandparents vibes, though. Jack Sr. is just a kindly old man, and I’m pretty sure Grandma Kline (wiki says her name is Helen?) actually handed him a glass of lemonade. And this lil exchange KILLS me:

“How did you know our Kelly? Through work?”

“She… basically gave me my start.” BABY. I’M EMOTIONAL.

And then he goes for the photo album and he’s so damn happy to see pictures of Kelly. The only ones he has is the video and the picture on his nightstand, right? Whatever Cas can tell him about her (admittedly not much, because they were the sweetest of friends but they didn’t know each other that long) really isn’t going to compare to actually seeing the things that make her real.

AND THEN the real punch of the scene comes when Mrs. Kline asks him about Kelly’s pregnancy. You can tell he wants to tell them SO BAD, but he doesn’t. He just says “she had the baby,” with the purest smile on his face. And he tells them it’s a boy, and they get so excited about having a grandson and Jack’s just sitting there, unable to tell them that HE is their grandson. And it breaks my heart.

“In the time I spent with her, she was an amazing mother. Her son loves her very much.” 

Cue ugly sobbing, yeah? And he just… keeps going. He talks about what he remembers about her before he was born, and he’s smiling but his expression changes to looking like he’s about to cry when he says “she made him feel safe and wanted.” And that is just too much for me because I’m sure he feels safe with Cas, and obviously he’s wanted and loved there. But Cas isn’t Kelly and can never fill that space. And Jack has spent so much of his life feeling like he’s an unwanted burden, and he hasn't had a lot of real bonding time with Cas yet. And sure, his relationship with Sam was good at this point, but sadly I think Jack never really feels like he’s fully accepted there because he doubts his place. He doesn’t with Cas, and he’s going to get opportunities to build on that. He doesn’t have to doubt it with Kelly either, but the memory of that feeling is literally all he has. And all the times he worried he wasn’t enough before this point, I’m sure he was holding on to that memory with everything that he had.

AND THEN Mrs. Kline says that Jack looks like Kelly… and this child gets so emotional. I feel like he’s honored. But he pulls himself together and says “I don’t know, but I hope someday to have a little of her courage and purpose.” And that hits HARD for many reasons, but knowing that Jack is constantly struggling to feel useful? I’m sobbing and screaming now.

He gets up to leave looking like he’s about to break down crying, and he’s just going “I didn’t mean to intrude” (because this is a boy with manners!!!) but it’s his little “I just had to meet you” that gets me. And then he gets to shake his grandpa’s hand and hug his grandma and say he misses Kelly too. It’s SUCH a fantastic scene.

And I think it really did help him a lot, too. He confirms that it did when Cas directly asks him about in the midst of his scolding about sneaking out. And then Cas confirms that Jack looks like Kelly, which melts my poor heart even further. What Jack says to Cas there, about how he wanted to tell them that he was their grandson… it hurts. It all hurts, actually, but it’s kind of a good hurt because spn actually managed to treat Kelly and Jack’s relationship with the respect and gravitas that it deserves. And the scene with his grandparents and his scenes with Cas, both the one building up to it and the one after, are the highlights of this episode in my opinion. 

I was not expecting this to become a scene breakdown, but I hope you enjoyed my ramblings! I am always happy to cry over Jack and Kelly in an overly verbose way.

#kitkat rambles #jack kline #kelly kline #spn 14x02 #dadstiel and nougat son #asks #anon #spn #the kline family

[purplesurveys]

1152

survey by emptyspaces

What song reminds you of being in middle school? Patron Tequila was a huuuuuuuuuge bop in 5th grade, and I can tell you too many kids who were too young for the song nevertheless vibed hard to it. Down by Jay Sean also reminds me of mid-elementary school. I believe both have so far been one-hit wonders, lol.

What was the first thing you learned how to cook? I don’t cook cook, but I remember we had one day in like preschool when we were taught how to make homemade pizza. That was the first dish I remember making. We used white bread for the crust and topped it with tomato sauce, grated cheese, and sliced hotdogs. I ended up liking the ‘recipe’ a lot and frequently asked my aunt or grandma to make it for me.

What does your hair currently look like? It’s slightly damp since I took a shower a couple of hours ago, and it’s currently styled in a low side ponytail.

Who's the worst driver you know? It’s been years since I’ve been in a car where my uncle was in charge of the wheel, but I would always end up feeling nauseous whenever he was the one driving. I never figured out why, but my best bet is because he tends to press hard on the brakes. I also don’t trust anyone who’s fine with being way too close to other cars.

What are some wild animals commonly found where you live? I live in a residential area where there are approximately 0 wild animals roaming around lol. I do have some neighbors who keep chickens, but that’s as wild as it gets over here.

Does it take a lot to make you cry? Nah. Just show me a stereotypical emotional video, like anything to do with grandparents or pets reuniting with their owners, and I’ll produce some tears for you in seconds.

If the last dream you had came true, would that be a good or bad thing? Bad. I was relieved when I finally woke up.

Have you ever had a lucid dream? No. I’ve tried doing it before but just could never get in the zone.

How long did your last car ride last? Something like 20 minutes. The mall isn’t that far away and most of the travel was because our house is way too far from the village’s entrance.

Isn't it disgusting when people chew with their mouth open? I mean c'mon... It’s icky but I have other worse pet peeves.

What's your most prominent memory from 2009? I used to keep this journal where all of my entries were of me roleplaying in the Twilight universe. Obviously it’s embarrassing to think of now, but I must’ve written quite well back then because my classmates loved reading it and used to pass it around during recess and lunch hahaha. That was my only successful stint in fiction writing ever. I know the notebook is still around somewhere, but I refuse to see even just the outside; too much cringe lol.

Do you think there will ever be world peace? A little pessimistic answer but no.

What's your biggest problem at the moment? A client was supposed to send us this file that I needed so I can proceed with a deliverable that we were asked to do today, but he never followed through. That’s fine by me since executions get moved all the time, but it also means he’ll probably send it sometime during the Holy Week break and I’ll have to work during one of my days-off this week. -__-

Has anyone ever told you you're too emotionally needy? I don’t think so. If someone has it would most likely stick with me.

Has an ex ever told you that they want you back? Nope. She has an infinite amount of pride in her bones for her to do that.

Have you ever turned down a job offer? I have never had to, and so far I’ve only been the one turned down haha. Joke’s on them; I’m super happy with the job I’ve landed.

What's the longest hospital stay you've had? For what? I’ve only had to be confined once and that was just an overnight stay. It was a dengue scare but turned out to be just a low platelet count.

Do you know anyone who doesn't know the basics of using a computer? My maternal grandma refuses to learn anything that’s got to do with modern technology, and I suuuper doubt she’d be able to figure out how to turn on a laptop or computer.

What was the last snack you ate? I was feeling hungry earlier and had a bite of this guava chip that my workplace had sent over as a care package; but it tastes super healthy and blech and I felt like I deserved something more junk food-y for finishing off the work week haha. Now I’m having KFC delivered at 1 AM :(((

What's something really basic that you're terrible at? Lighting up a matchstick. I’m scared of fire and I always ask my dad to be the one to light up my scented candles every single time.

Is it just me, or are tv shows/movies getting to be really dumbed down? No. Different generations, different tastes catered. I also think I’ve answered this survey before because I remember saying that I actually appreciate how content these days are more inclusive and open about tackling sensitive issues. That’s the complete opposite of ‘dumbed down’ to me.

Do you know any same-sex married couples? Finding one in the Philippines is like looking for a needle in a haystack, but yeah I happen to know a couple of couples. They probably handled all the paperwork in the US, but still. I’m glad their family is able to thrive here.

What was the last appointment you scheduled? It was a telemedicine consultation. I didn’t need it, but one of our clients recently partnered with this telehealth service and they wanted someone from the agency to use a free trial so we can have a better idea of what the service offers. I was the sacrificial lamb (lmao) and so I had to have this quick video call with one of their doctors. That was the first instance I was glad to have scoliosis because it gave me something to talk about, because otherwise I would be completely lost on what to consult about.

Are you happy with the person you have become? Getting there :) I definitely don’t have as many self-loathing moments than I used to just a few months ago.

What year were you born? 1998.

What does your favorite watch look like? I don’t have one; I don’t use watches as I will probably lose them in like a month anyway.

Did you have one of those Tamagotchi things as a kid? Yeah, but I personally didn’t get the hype and quickly went back to my other toys.

What's your favorite kind of wine? Sweeter ones. I can’t stand bitter wine.

When was the last time you felt lonely? Last Sunday. I was talking to Angela and Andi more excessively than usual that day; and it was most likely the quarantine getting to me. Even though they reassure me that I’m not being too clingy or annoying I still feel like I am, so that day made me rethink and reflect about ways to expand my circles and gain new friends.

Are your parents still together? Yeah, I literally just got them their KFC orders like 10 minutes ago.

Have you ever been so broke you didn't know how you'd keep a roof over your head? I’m thankful to have never been in this position.

Do you know anyone who believes that vaccines cause autism? Possibly. But at least they’re smart enough to keep their mouth shut about it.

What was the last piece of furniture you bought? OMG OMG OMG I *literally* just received it this afternoon but I finally bought a cute lil night lamp for my room :> :> Hahahaha I’ve spent my last four employed months spending on nothing but food, but I decided to switch it up a bit and finally purchase something that won’t be gone the next day, hence the lamp. Not really furniture, but still. It’s the cutest thing ever and it’s currently lighting up my room really prettily!!!

What's a new skill you'd like to learn? Climbing.

How did you celebrate your last birthday? It was the peak of the pandemic when the entire world was still scrambling to figure out how to handle it, so all stores were closed and no one could go out. I barely remember what had happened since that day just flew by, but I do recall that Angela had a box of sushi delivered to my place.

Do you have any great housecleaning tips? Not really.

What's your favorite cocktail? Zombie.

Did your favorite movie come out before or after you were born? Way before I was born; it’s 31 years older than me.

Is there anything you need to do before the end of the day? Nope.

#survey #surveys

[littlemisskookie]

Push Your Buttons

Push Your Buttons Ship: Taehyung | Coraline!Reader Description: Coraline!AU, Childhood Friends/Enemies to Lovers!AU. You return to your childhood home in an attempt to uncover your past, despite the fact it seems as though everyone’s determined to keep it hidden. Warnings: Fat Cock kink?, Taehyung calls you a bitch a lot, Oral, Denied Orgasms, Blowjob, Intercourse, Dirty Talk, Violence, So MUCH ANGST, Major Character Death Word Count: 23k A/N: I literally spent months on this so please enjoy! I’m proud of it!

For some reason you expected it to be more colorful.

Typically, when someone thinks back to their childhood home and summer memories, they think of back the lush green of the trees and the wide expanse of grass and yard. Perhaps blue skies and scraped knees, with a golden sun overhead to burn skin and give tans. Maybe the flush of cool water against one's skin and friends whose little arms would wrap around you in a tight hug.

That's what you supposed most would think of, anyway. You really couldn't say because truth be told, you had no recollection.

As in, no recollection whatsoever.

Apparently, there was an incident here at this very place when you were only eleven years old. It was your childhood home, but you were spared most of the details. After the incident, your grandparents, with whom you had lived, decided a change of scenery would benefit you, and you were unable to recall the memories you had before seventh grade.

You remembered small things, but none of it really seemed real. It was more like a dream, some of it bizarre and outlandish. A small door and a winding tunnel, as well as bright colors and warm food. It wasn't always pleasant, though. Some nights, until about a year after the incident, you'd wake up screaming about your eyes.

Neither you nor your grandparents could decipher what it really meant.

There was one thing you were positive was real though. Two boys. One you weren't able to really make out, but the other had a face as clear as day. A bright smile and long eyes, with big cheeks that looked ready to pinch.

You wondered if you'd see that boy again.

Your grandparents had decided to move back to the home after all of these years. You were being transferred to another school, and you'd be away for a while. The two felt nostalgic about the place since it was originally where they had raised your mother before she died, and wished to return. You insisted upon helping them settle in and tend to them, admittedly curious about your childhood home. Perhaps you could settle in for the summer and find a nearby job soon. You had just finished college, having graduated a year early due to summer classes. Still, they were worried- about bad memories returning after all these years or other things, you weren't quite sure. Nevertheless, you had pestered them into letting you stay with them, seeing as you needed to help them due to their age and health.

The town was a lot more grey than you would've guessed. A bleak sky with a dreary yet humid atmosphere, lightly sprinkling enough for your skin to feel dewy, but not enough for the need to go inside. The ground was muddy as you stepped out of the car, taking a long look at the house you had grown up in.

It was a large suburban home that was divided into four apartments, all of the neighbors staying there even after your departure, apparently. The landowner immediately let your family move in, perhaps for nostalgia's sake or for the need of money.

Sweeping a hand through your blue-dyed hair and tugging your yellow raincoat closer, you marched up to the house, noticing how run down and old it was. Slipping your matching yellow boots off, you shake your head, trying to get any droplets out of your hair, mimicking a dog. You walked along the floorboards, examining the interior. The paint was faded and chipped, and each step you took creaked.

"Y/N! Don't run off too far!" your grandmother called, paranoid as always. Your grandfather was helping her out of the car to get into her wheelchair, which she had been stuck in for your entire life. "Remember that there are rats in the attic! There's supposed to be traps laid out, but I don't want you to get hurt."

You ignored her, giddy as you clutched on tightly to the key in hand, jamming it into the front door and entering the premises.

Nothing.

You felt deflated.

It was standard, some old furniture still there, and dusty as hell. You didn't know what you expected. Why did you get your hopes up?

The whole reason you brought yourself here was to try to recover your memories.

You had all the time in the world for that, though. Surely something would come up to bring back a rush of memories.

You ventured through, noting leaks and mouse traps that had yet to go off. Walking up the stairs, you continued to look for something of interest, only to stumble across your old room. The landowner was right- it really hadn't been touched since your family moved away.

The room was set up for a young girl, with faded pink walls and a bedspread of butterflies. You stared around, racking your brain for any sense of familiarity, only to find none. It felt as though you were in a stranger's room, but you knew it was yours. Your grandma had some pictures of you in your room back when you had stolen one of her polaroids, and you were sure if you'd look at them in comparison, the room would be a match. 

You squint your eyes, however, seeing something that seemed out of place. A tiny door, no taller than your knee. You kneeled down, your finger tracing along the outline of it, ripped wallpaper being hastily taped up with duct tape that was already beginning to fall off.

This... This seemed familiar.

Your heart palpitates, realizing it looked awfully like the door in one of your many dreams.

It couldn't be real.

Ripping off the tape, you try to pry the door open, only to find it locked. You grit your teeth, looking around the room for a key. You looked beneath the bed, behind the dressers, everyone until you finally found it beneath some cobwebs. Blowing the dust off, you jam it into the lock, twisting the key to pry the door open only to find... brick.

Disappointed, you return to the car, your grandfather calling for you. A tall, strange figure stood before both of them, a mop of dark hair on top. You furrow your brows, looking at the man in question.

His skin was golden, making him glow and illuminate the grey clouds in the background. He was stunningly handsome, and you felt your breath hitch as you stared at him, finding your mouth dry. 

"Y/N, this is your childhood best friend, Kim Taehyung. He's the son of the landowner, and has graciously offered to help us move in!" Your grandmother beamed at the man, reaching up to pinch his cheek. "My, how you've grown! I remember back when you were no bigger than my knee, you were such a cute kid. Now you're a handsome young man! You know, Y/N's single right now, and with the history between the two of you-"

"That's enough, Grandmother, I'm sure he's got another girl," you hastily interrupt, feeling your cheeks flush. You hold your hand out, smiling at Taehyung, internally praying that your hands weren't sweaty. "I'm Y/N, it's nice to meet you."

He glared down at your hand before giving you a confused look. "Why are you introducing yourself? We've known each other since diapers."

You feel your face go beet red, and you fume with anger immediately. That was just plain rude. "There's no need to be obnoxious."

"Y/N!" your grandfather snapped.

"I'm sorry I don't remember you, but it's probably for the best, seeing how rude you're being," you continued, crossing your arms as you looked up at the man. You were best friends with this brat? You would've figured it'd be the boy with the chubby cheeks and long eyes, not this absolute jerk. 

Taehyung raised a brow in a way that sent shivers down your spine. "Is that so?"

"It is," you say, wanting to spit out the words. "I can't imagine myself being friends with such a pompous ass."

"Y/N, that's enough. We raised you better than this. Why don't you get started on moving the stuff inside? We'll have to apologize to Taehyung on your behalf."

You rolled your eyes, huffing as you began moving the boxes inside. It's about only five minutes later that Taehyung joins you, boxes in his arms as well. He's about to stumble when you catch some of them, quick on your feet as you prevent them from toppling to the ground.

"Careful! That could be our good china!"

Taehyung set down the box carefully, both of you trying to calm down after the brief scare.

You're both silent for a moment, but you break the silence ultimately. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have burst out like that. I was being rude."

He grunted in response, and you do your best not to get pissed off at him once more. There was no need for you to act so immature and childish, after all. Finally, he speaks up. "So you really don't remember anything, huh?"

You pause at that. "So they told you, huh?"

"Yeah. If I had known I wouldn't have been like that," Taehyung admits.

You let out a breath. "It's alright. There was no way for you to know. And no, I don't remember anything. It's one of the reasons I came back. Apparently, there was some incident that just completely wiped away my memories and... Well, I've been gone ever since."

"So you don't remember me."

"No. You probably know my childhood better than I do, if we were really friends though. It's hard to imagine, though. You're no more than a stranger to me right now, I mean look at us." You gesture at the contrast between his dark coat and your own bright yellow one. 

"Show your left ankle and I'll tell you one story," he offers.

Your eyes light up at that, and you don't hesitate, kicking off a rainboot and rolling up your already cuffed jeans, showing the small, crummy butterfly.

Taehyung traces it softly, making sure not to make you uncomfortable as he does so. His mouth quirks up a bit, and you can't help the unexpectedly warm feeling in your chest. "When we were eight we all snuck into Mrs. Miller and Wilson's apartment. They were our neighbors back in the day. They had this old tattoo pen and such. Jimin advised against it, but you were obsessed with butterflies at the time and wanted me to draw one on you. By the time the adults found out, it had been done. You were the only eight-year-old at our school who had a tattoo, needless to say."

You laugh at the story. "Oh God, I could totally picture myself doing that. Makes sense why it's so poorly drawn, though."

"Hey, I was eight and had never even held a tattoo pen before, give me a break," he scoffed in response, though laughing as well.

"Wait, but who's Jimin?" you ask curiously. 

Taehyung's laughter stops immediately, and his face returns to the previously dark look. He gets up to walk away, and you're quick to hobble on one foot, grabbing onto his sleeve. "Wait, why're you leaving? Did I offend you?"

His face is steely as he looks at you, removing your hand from his sleeve. "You're not my Y/N, and you never will be. My Y/N wouldn't have left no matter what happened."

Your eyes widen at that. "Excuse me? I can't help the fact I have amnesia!"

"I don't give a damn about your amnesia. You said it yourself that we're strangers, and we're going to stay that way. The less you know the better," Taehyung spits.

You narrow your brows, glaring at him. "What the fuck, Taehyung? What are you even talking about."

"I repeat: the less you know the better."

His lips remained sealed, and you squint your eyes at him. He was dark and brooding on the outside, and desperately trying to remain the same on the inside. Or at least project that image. You wondered if this truly was the boy you were apparently best friends with during your younger days. Could little kids be brooding anyway? Somehow you couldn't imagine him as a bubbly little boy. Something had to have changed. You wondered if you had anything to do with it.

"What, do you know what happened?" The wheels in your brain begin to spin as you frantically try to prevent him from leaving. "Do you know the incident? What happened to me? Why I forgot everything?"

"I don't know anything," he says hastily.

"Liar!" Your eyes immediately catch the small quirk of his lip, a twitch of his sneer. "I can tell you're lying. I don't know how, but I do. That small quirk of your lip..."

He stops in his tracks, reaching up to his mouth, his face turning red with embarrassment. You know your assumption was correct, and you can't help but grin victoriously. "It doesn't mean anything," he excuses.

Your face softens, and you reach for his hand, glad that he doesn't flinch at your touch. "Taehyung- I need to know. It's why I came here. I feel like there's this big part of me that's been missing all this time. You might not know everything, but clearly you know something. It's clear you and I were best friends- why can't we be that again?"

He's frozen in your touch as you stare him in the eyes, searching for something. With your hand in his, though, you do feel some sense of familiarity. You haven't felt this in a long time.

He retracts from your touch as though burned, snapping out of his daze as he turns away from you. "Grow up, Y/N. I would've figured you would after all this time- but you're still childish as always."

"I thought you said I wasn't your Y/N," you say, desperately trying to reach for something to grasp onto.

"You're not. You never will be," he hisses, avoiding your stare as you attempt once again to make him look at you. It's as though it physically pains him to look at you. "We'll keep it that way."

"We're going to be neighbors now, Taehyung. You can't ignore me forever," you say stubbornly. "And if there's one thing I'm sure I've kept with me even from childhood, it's my ability to be a pain in the ass. We've got plenty of time to be together, and I'm not leaving without finding out what happened to me. You can either choose to help me or be annoyed for years on end until I figure it out on my own."

"Go to hell, Y/N. I told you that the less you know the better. After all, curiosity killed the cat."

You grin, finally succeeding in locking eyes with him again. "But satisfaction brought it back."

-

The house was littered with cardboard boxes by the time you were done moving everything. Between pestering your grandfather about getting some plants or paint to brighten the place up and overall wasting time, you were finally and truly blessed with Taehyung's presence once more. You were in the middle of unpacking a few of the items when Taehyung came into your room, his eyes roaming about the place before landing on you.

"Have you changed your mind?" you say hopefully, eyes lightening up with hope.

"No," he grunts, "your grandma just wants to know if you want to come down for a break. She made lemonade."

You sigh, slightly disappointed. "Yeah, sure."

"What's that?" His eyes narrow, brows furrowing.

You turn in his direction, seeing the tiny door. "Oh, this? I have no clue honestly. It was covered with a bunch of duct tape when I saw it, but it's kinda cool. No clue why anyone would need such a tiny door... especially since it doesn't lead anywhere."

You open it up, blowing at some of the dust on the door and brick. Taehyung glares at it, stepping forward before slamming the door shut.

"Leave it alone- it was taped up for a reason. I suggest you tape it back up," he says.

"Why?"

"I... I just have a bad feeling about it, ok?" He gets fidgety again, slightly irritated. "Now that I think about it, it was probably my mom who taped it up after you left. I hated that door since we were little."

"If you're not going to tell me then I won't tape it back up. It's in my room, there's nothing you can do about it. Besides, it leads to nothing. What's the big deal?"

"Y/N, you'll just get in trouble, and I'm the one who's going to have to drag you out and save your ass. I know you," he says.

Your mouth goes small. "You don't know me, though. I don't even know me."

There's silence between the two of you for a bit.

"Look, I'm sorry," he says. "I'm not being fair to you, and I've been nothing but rude. I guess I haven't moved on from the past, and it's not a good excuse. I held a grudge against you or what happened- honestly I don't know half of it. It wasn't your fault anyway, but with you leaving and getting amnesia I guess I never got over the feeling of abandonment. It's been ten years though, and I need to move on. Seeing you here has reopened some old wounds that were never healed... but it's not your fault."

"Taehyung..." You're momentarily stunned. "I don't know what to say."

"Well, don't read too much into it," he hastily says. "Tell you what, I'm going to be at home but I'm sure my folks won't mind if you drop by this afternoon. You can head back to my place and I'll tell you a few childhood stories regarding the two of us. Sound good? It's the least I can do."

"I'd love that!" You brighten up at the idea.

He holds up one finger, however, making sure you don't get too excited. "On one condition: you tape that little door back up. As I said, I've got a bad feeling about it."

You furrow your brow again. "It really freaks you out that much, huh?"

He presses his lips together in a tight line. "Do we have a deal?"

You grin. "Deal!"

He spits in his hand and holds it out, his cheeks flushing when he realizes. "Oh, uh, it's something we used to do. I should've realized-"

He's about to wipe his palm against his coat when you spit in your hand, shaking it with his without hesitation. "Don't worry about it. Just like old times, ok? We'll act like I never even left. This feels right." You look down at your hands and slightly grimace, pulling back and wiping it away. "Slightly gross, admittedly, but right nevertheless."

He's stunned, and you wave your hand before his face in an attempt to bring him back to reality. "Tae? You alright?"

"What? Sorry, dozed off there for a moment." For the first time, you see him smile, a warm glow filling your heart at the sight. "I just... I never really thought I'd get the chance to do that again. With you I guess."

You can't help but melt at the sentiment. "I'm not going anywhere this time, I promise."

-

Taehyung's mother looked like the spitting image of him, surprisingly enough. Save for the grey hairs and wrinkles around her eyes, she looked like him if she were a girl.

"Oh, Y/N! My, aren't you gorgeous? Look at that blue hair! You grew into the beautiful young woman I always knew you'd become. It's been so long- Taehyung just told me you were back," she said, smiling warmly.

"Hi, Mrs. Kim," you say. "Is Taehyung home?"

"Oh, he's outside gardening for me. He'll be right back. Why don't you head upstairs to his room and wait for him? He's supposed to be back any minute."

"Oh, thank you, ma'am!" 

You begin to walk away when she takes your hand, redirecting your attention to her. She looks nervous, biting her lip. "Y/N... it's really good to see you again. I know Taehyung's happy about it too, though he has trouble expressing that side of him. He changed a lot once you left but... I don't want to get my hopes up, but maybe since you're back he can change back. I guess a mother can't help but want her little boy back, huh?"

Her smile is bittersweet, strained but sorrowful. You can't help but feel a sense of pressure put upon your shoulders, and you can only attempt to mimic her smile. "I'll try my best, Mrs. Kim. I'm glad to be back, too." 

You didn't have the heart to tell her that you had absolutely no clue where his room was, but after wandering around aimlessly upstairs you eventually found what you could only presume would be his room.

It was simple. Frayed and faded posters of superheroes on his walls, and a small basketball hoop on the back of his door. It was surprisingly neat for a guy's room, but perhaps you just had a stereotypical expectation. Wiping your finger against the surface of the dresser, you note that there's no dust.

Your eyes flicker upwards towards a picture of three kids, smiling brightly. You recognize Taehyung immediately, his rectangular smile beaming brightly at you. To his left you see yourself, your face chubby and youthful, clinging tightly to his side as proof of your friendship. To your other side, there's another boy, his plump lips spread into a bright grin that stretched across his face.

Your heart stops.

A hand comes behind you, slapping the picture face down. You turn to Taehyung, his expression furious.

"Just what do you think you're doing, snooping around my room?"

"Sorry your mom just... she let me in," you say, stammering as you attempt to regain composure.

"That doesn't give you an excuse to stick your nose where it doesn't belong." His brows furrow, a crease between them. He sighs, running a hand across his face in frustration. "It was a mistake to invite you here."

"Who's this boy?" You don't touch the photo, but he knows what you're talking about, nevertheless.

"That's me," he says bluntly.

"No, the other one. With the long eyes and bigger lips."

He's quiet for a moment, looking away. "That's Jimin. He was friends with us when we were little."

"Where is he now? I recognize him, I don't know why. If you could tell me where he is maybe I can talk to him. He might be able to tell-"

"There's no point."

You pause, confused. "Why not? Did he move like I did or something?"

"No, he's... He's dead."

Your breath hitches and you feel your chest get tight. "No, that can't be right. That makes no sense."

"Well, he is," Taehyung says, expression angry. "He went missing right before you left. They announced him as dead not too long ago. About three years ago. Apparently, they do that if the person is missing for more than seven years."

Your face crumples along with his, the temperature of the room falling as you process the information. "I'm... I'm so sorry for your loss."

"It's your loss too, you know. He was best friends with both of us."

"Maybe so, but I don't remember any of it. I have no memories, he might as well be a stranger," you explain. "For you though... For you, he was much more than just a picture in a frame. I'm sorry."

You swear you see his eyes well up slightly, but he flops down on his bed, turning away from you. You wondered if you had a poor choice of words, reminding him once again that you remembered nothing, even the boy that meant so much to him. To both of you, apparently. "You wanted to hear stories about us when we were kids, right? To see if you remembered anything?"

"Yes." You sit next to him on the bed, bringing your knees up to your chest as you listen intently. "If you're ok with that, of course."

He hums, closing his eyes. "You, me, and Jimin were all best friends since diapers. We had every class together and were glued to the hip, so to speak. Everyone in this small town would say that when they saw even one of us, they could expect one of the other two. Some speculated both he and I would fight for your hand in marriage once we had grown- a running joke among the grown-ups.

"Jimin was the more gentle of us three. He was always the one to get between us and calm us down whenever you and I got into one of our usual spats. Even back then we couldn't help but bicker, so it seemed. I was the one who taught you how to ride a bike, only for you to accidentally run over me and into the bushes. He was the one to bandage the two of us up as we both argued over who was to blame."

His eyes flicker up to lock with yours, a small smirk on his lips. "It was totally yours, by the way."

You laugh heartily at that. "Agree to disagree, then."

You both chuckle for a moment. 

"You know, we were each other's first kiss," he mentions. "We had decided if anyone was going to kiss you, it would be us, your two best friends. I mean, what did we know, we were like seven at the time. I'm pretty sure I missed your mouth anyway."

"Something tells me that memory would be a bit cringy to look back on."

"Yeah, probably," he smiles. Taehyung's gaze is far away for a moment. "I'm sure Jimin would disagree if he were here, though."

You're quiet for a moment. "Was his disappearance the... incident?"

"I can't really say for sure, honestly. As much as I know you want answers from me, there's only so much I know. I don't have all of the pieces, but I know the events are related. I have bits and pieces, and the only others who know anything are amnesiacs or ghosts."

"I appreciate you telling me this, though," you say honestly. "I know it must be hard for you."

He lays back on his bed, his back bouncing against the springs. "As much as I've gotten angry over you losing your memories, I think a lot of it is jealousy. I wish I could forget so easily."

"It's not the most pleasant thing, honestly. I feel like I'm missing this huge chunk of my life like I'm not even fully me, you know? I only know what I was like once I was twelve and after, basically once I hit puberty." You sigh, falling beside him. "It's hard to explain."

"I think I get it. It's like the missing pieces of the puzzle I mentioned before."

"Yeah you can think of it that way," you say. "I have some, but not enough to really tell what the image is."

"Are you having any luck at least?"

"I haven't even been here for a full day, so I can't really say," you mumble. "I think I'm getting a little bit from what you tell me. My grandparents are of no help. They think if I find out about the incident or whatever I'll be ruined. I suffer from bad dreams relating to it, apparently. After it happened I was even in shell shock or something, it was that bad."

"Maybe it is better to not find out, then."

"Well maybe if I find out I can find out what happened to Jimin." You sit up, looking down at Taehyung. "I might not really know you, but the old me did. Stranger or childhood friend, I'd like to give you some closure. I can tell you're torn up about it still, and I'm sure my reappearance has reopened old wounds. Your mother hoped that I could help you. The incident affected you, too, whether that's from me leaving, Jimin's disappearance, or something else entirely. Maybe I feel as though I owe you this much as an apology, or maybe it's just me being selfish. I do know, however, that my memories wouldn't affect just me. I would like to help you, and I can only pray I'll be able to handle whatever it was back then now that I'm grown."

He studies you for a moment, his eyes dark and brooding. "You know, the more I talk to you, the more you seem like your old self. Perhaps you never really changed, Y/N." His fingers come up to grasp an end of your blue hair, twirling a strand around his slender finger. You can't help but shiver at his touch, part of you yearning for more. "I can't tell you everything, Y/N. Not now at least. I can tell you this much, though. When you left, it crushed me inside. I dealt with the death of my best friend, and then my other just up and left. I had no one to lean on, who understood my pain. It was the first time in my entire life that I was completely and utterly alone. Depending on others was what ultimately destroyed me."

You lean into his touch, his fingers now grazing across your cheek. "Taehyung, I might not remember why I left, but I can honestly say I'm sorry for doing it. Me back then might've left, but I promise I won't. I won't leave you again. You're not truly alone- you never were."

He sits up, and your breath hitches, lungs tight as you realize how close he is to you. You're able to hear his soft breath, and at that moment you feel your heart race.

"You really are the same Y/N," he says, a quirk in his smirk as his thumb brushes over your lower lip, your mouth automatically parting for him. "You're still so naive."

You're frozen as he retreats from you, his warm skin against yours now absent as he stands up, leaving you alone in his room.

-

It's the middle of the night when you suddenly wake up, a sense of panic washing over your body as you sit up abruptly, a cold sweat covering your skin.  All you could hear was your heavy breathing and the scamper of mice a floor above you. Was it a night terror? Or was it something external?

In an effort to slow your palpitating heart, you take deep breaths, closing your eyes. You weren't going to be able to fall back asleep, so it would seem. You sigh, getting up to turn on the light, figuring you could get a glass of water while you're up.

To your surprise, however, once you turn on the light you spy something peculiar. Leaning against the tiny door was a doll.

It wasn't any ordinary doll, though.

It looked exactly like you.

It had everything from your blue hair to the outfit you had worn earlier that day- a yellow raincoat and matching boots. The eyes were of buttons, charcoal black and staring blankly at you.

Excitement rose in your chest as you took it in your hand, examining it. It was closer to a rag doll than anything else, and you didn't feel any sense of dread or fear.

Who had made this?

In all honesty, you found it a bit cute. You were just weird like that.

An idea pops in your head, prodding like it had been ever since you first opened it. You rip the tape at the edges, using all your might and discarding them to the floor. You did promise Taehyung you'd tape it up, but he never said anything about taking the tape down, did he? Soon enough you're twisting the tiny knob, bracing yourself as you feel a harsh wind on your cheeks. Blue hair flying about your face, you look in awe at the tunnel before you, glowing and luminous. You were positive that it had only been brick before.

Were you still asleep? Was this all a dream?

Doll in hand, you crawl through the tunnel, venturing further into the surreal dream. What you could only describe as the sweetest scent filled your nose, and the most beautiful of music graced your ears.

Surprisingly enough, once you were at the other end, you were back in your bedroom.

But not quite.

The room was filled, the walls no longer faded. The shelves were filled with knick-knacks of toys and pictures. On your vanity mirror were written messages in dry erase marker, surprisingly enough in your handwriting. The room teemed with life, as one would suspect from their childhood bedroom. 

This felt far more familiar, oddly enough.

You look about the room, touching the objects before you as though to make sure they're real. You even analyze the message on the mirror, Y/N WAS HERE! It was undeniably your handwriting.

Were you really here before?

"Y/N! Dinner's ready."

What?

You skip out of your room, amazed at the interior of the house. It was as though it got a makeover, teeming with life and personality, color everywhere just as you liked it. No longer the muted or faded colors back home. Your dream seemed to have good taste.

You head to the kitchen, surprised to see your grandmother, her back turned to you as she continued to cook. That wasn't what made you freeze, though. The first thing you noticed was that her wheelchair appeared to be missing.

"You're... You're standing!" 

She turns, giving you a bright smile. Instead of her warm yet stern eyes, you're met with buttons. A pair of charcoal black buttons staring right at you.

"Of course I'm standing, silly girl," the woman laughs, "though this gives me quite a bit of nostalgia. To think, last time it was the buttons, and now it's the standing! Maybe you have changed since we've last seen you. My little girl, all grown up now." She smiles at you, reaching forward to pinch your cheek. "My, Y/N, how big you've grown! We've missed you so much. That's why I've prepared a feast to celebrate your return!"

"Where am I?"

"You always called it the Other World when you were little. Not very original, but it has grown on me. The name sticks!"

"I..." She looked exactly like your grandmother- what with the grey hair and leathery skin. Still, her tone and smile were far more youthful, like a glimpse of the young girl your grandmother once was, simply buried beneath wrinkled skin. Had it not been for her working legs and button eyes, you would've been fooled. "Do I know you?"

"Of course you do! I'm your Other Grandmother, of course. Your Other Grandfather is out. He just finished gardening, though."

"Gardening...?" You were pestering him earlier about planting some flowers or something, but never did you suspect he'd take you up on your suggestion. Perhaps your subconscious had recalled the events from earlier that day in order to manifest the scenario.

"I believe he's planting blue tulips. The ones that match your hair," she remarks, reaching forward to twirl one strand of your hair around her finger. "I must say, it suits you."

"Thank you." 

Her eyes flicker down, noting the doll. "Ah, I see you've finally got our gift! We've been waiting forever to give it to you. You used to beg us for a doll just like that when you were little."

"So I've been here? Or am I just making this dream up as I go along?"

She laughs outright at that. "Of course this isn't a dream, my sweet girl. This is your other life, where you can simply melt the struggles and stress of life away. Here everything is right and as it should be. I, as your Other Grandmother, can walk, and your Other Grandfather gardens. The possibilities are endless, dear."

"So if I was here when I was little... could you tell me a bit about my childhood? Anything really as to why I left?"

Her lips purse slightly. "You were our favorite daughter, no doubt. We loved you very much- and we still do! All of us have been waiting for your return, and are overjoyed. You were a bubbly a bright girl. You and Jimin would always have such fun here."

"Jimin?" You perked up at that. "Can you tell me anything about him? Or Taehyung? Or our time here?"

"My dear, you really don't remember anything, do you?" She strokes your cheek sympathetically. "You three were best friends. All had crushes on each other from what I could tell- ah, young love. Puppy love, more like. You two would visit often and have so much fun. Sometimes one on your own, and sometimes two of you. You'd try to convince Taehyung to come if I remember correctly, but he never believed a perfect place like this could exist. Pity."

"Taehyung never came?" Your brows furrowed in confusion. "What about Jimin?"

"Ah, he visited most often! He loved it here, no doubt. He wanted to stay here forever. In your world, he had a lot of trouble. What kid didn't? You dealt with your grandparents' health and your feelings for your friends, particularly Taehyung. The boy could never reciprocate even then, so it seems. Jimin, on the other hand, had to deal with his parents' divorce. He was so distraught over it, he honestly spent most of his time here. That was fine with us, of course. You were the daughter we never had and he was the son we never had. This little place of ours was his escape, and we offered him permanent residence. He accepted."

"What happened to him?" 

The Other Grandmother sighs, shaking her head. "I can't tell you that dear. He went missing and was never seen again. I don't think you'll see him again any time soon. His parents moved away, in fact, giving up on the case."

Your heart sinks. "So Taehyung was right... God, what am I going to tell him?"

"Don't fret over things such as that here, my sweet girl," the Other Grandmother assures you, her smile cheerful as she finishes cooking, putting it on a plate and handing it to you. "Here you can simply enjoy yourself and relax. With a snap of my fingers, the world is yours. Might as well call me a genie. Your wish is my command." She chuckles a bit at that.

You look down at the food, your favorite. The smell overwhelms you, and you find yourself salivating. Still, you shake your head, putting it in her hands. "I think I should head back- I need to process everything. If this really is a dream, though, I doubt I'd even be able to taste it."

"Suit yourself, dear. I won't be one to rush you. After all, patience to those who wait, though I've been so eager for your return," she said. "You can leave the way you came in, we'll be here for your next visit. Do promise you'll visit? I'll make sure to give you a special surprise."

"If I can," you say, wary. You clutch the doll, taking one last, long look at the woman as she returns to her busy work. You wander back to your room, crawling through the door and back into your real bed.

-

When you woke up, the doll was in your arms.

No... It was real?

You jolt up, combing your hair and rushing to Taehyung's house, knowing that your folks were very likely still asleep. You grabbed your bag, the little doll now tied to it like a little charm, and was on your way. To say Taehyung was surprised to see you in your pajamas was an understatement, as it was very evident that you had just rolled out of bed.

"You really do want to annoy me, don't you?" Taehyung sighed, shaking his head. "Do you know what time it is, woman? I'm pretty sure it's not even 6 AM. Or are you simply that eager to make childhood memories in adulthood that you rushed here for some sort of childish playdate?"

You ignore his taunting, pulling him towards you. "Taehyung- have you been to the Other World?"

"The what now?" His mind was clearly still trying to comprehend what you were saying, groggy in comparison to your alert enthusiasm.

"You know, the place where everything's great and people have buttons for eyes?"

"How many drugs have you tried since you left?"

"Three, now focus!" You analyze his face for a few moments, looking for any signs of comprehension. "You really don't know it?"

"No. But since you're here I have a bone to pick with you." His eyes cloud over as he wakes up a bit more, anger slowly replacing the drowsiness. "What'd you do with him?"

"With who?"

"Jimin."

"Taehyung... if I knew what happened all those years ago, I'd tell you. I'm so sorry-"

"Not actual Jimin, dumbass. The doll. What'd you do with him?"

"What? What on Earth are you talking about?" This time it was your turn to get confused.

"Don't fuck with me, Y/N. I know you're trying to retrieve your memories and all that, but don't start fucking around with me or my shit. That's your own mess to deal with, and I don't want to get involved. So stealing what was left of my best friend is crossing the line."

"I'm being completely serious right now- I have no clue what you're accusing me of."

He ran a hand over his face in frustration. "When you were in my room. The doll that looked exactly like Jimin?"

"Are you sure you didn't misplace it? I promise you that I have no such thing." Your features soften, and you try to place your hand on his arm to comfort him. Behind him, you use your other hand to reach for your bag, turning it around so that the doll that was tied to it wasn't visible. You wanted to hear what Taehyung was accusing you of, first. "Taehyung, I wouldn't steal from you. Lost memories or not, I don't want to hurt you. I'm slowly beginning to realize how much you meant to me, and I'm sure somewhere inside if both of us are those childhood best friends."

He tenses under your touch, a slight tremble in his lips, and for a moment your heart palpitates. The way he looks at you makes you feel as though he's about to kiss you. Perhaps you were simply projecting, however.

Instead, however, he ruins the daydream clouding your mind, moving away from your touch. "Alright, so you didn't take it. I'm sorry I accused you. I was just frustrated since I noticed it was gone."

You stare at your feet, trying to regain your composure. It wasn't like you to suddenly get flustered. Taehyung might've been the most attractive man you've known, but he was an asshole through and through. The Other Grandmother was right- he'd never reciprocate your feelings. 

But you were a grown woman and not a childish preteen. You could handle rejection, and you weren't going to force your feelings on someone else in an effort to get a relationship out of them. 

"I'll keep an eye out for it, don't worry."

"What is it that you came running over here for, anyway? I'm sure it's not to have a heartfelt chat," he grumbles.

You flush at that, the blood rushing to your cheeks. "I, um, figured out a bit more. About the three of us."

"Oh? So you're getting memories back?"

"Not exactly. Look, forget it, it was stupid of me to come here in the first place." Why was it that he was the first one to pop up in your mind once you woke up? "You won't believe me in the first place."

"Humor me," he says, crossing his arms. "You woke me up at this hour for a reason. I won't let it be for nothing."

You scratched the back of your neck, nervous. "How about this: I say a statement about our childhood and you confirm if it's true or not. I want to find out if the information I got was true."

He shrugs. "Seems fair enough. Shoot."

"Alright, first: Jimin's parents got divorced."

"True- though I could've even told you that. I wouldn't think that'd be that big of a deal," Taehyung remarks.

"Well, it was to him it seems," you mumble. "Second, I had a crush on you."

"Yeah, I guess. As much of a crush as a little kid could have, basically. Honestly, you and Jimin got along far better. I'm sure your grandmother or my own mom could've informed you, though."

You decided it was about time to jump to the big question- one that no one else could've told you. "Jimin and I used to convince you to go to some imaginary place with us when we were little, called the Other World where everything has buttons for eyes, and you'd always refuse."

His brows shot up, genuine shock in his features. "How do you know that? I thought you still had amnesia?"

"I do it's- you wouldn't believe me." You huffed, running your hands over your face. "So it's true?"

"I mean, yeah, but how the hell did you find that out?"

You didn't want to tell him about the Other World, with the little door and the revelations about Jimin and everything. He wouldn't believe you- not now at least. He might deserve some of the information you'd give, but he wasn't ready for the truth. You were still processing it, truthfully. An entirely different world just beyond a little door? Even you had to admit you sounded insane. You had to get more information first.

"I'll see you later, Taehyung."

-

"For the last time, Y/N, we are done discussing the matter," your grandmother fumed, her nostrils flaring. "First you run out of the house without informing us, and at 6 AM no less! Now you're pestering us about nonsense once again."

"There must be something you two can tell me about what happened to me. What happened to Jimin?"

Your grandfather turned to glare at you. "We told you before there's nothing we can tell."

"You raised me, there must be something. Unless you're deliberately hiding something from me," you accused sourly, digging into your oatmeal. You hated arguing during breakfast, but after your conversation with Taehyung, you were left in a sour mood.

"We may have raised you but you didn't spend much time with us. Most of it was with your friends," your grandmother informed you. "The reason we moved away was to keep you from whatever it was that had terrified you so greatly. I knew moving back was a mistake."

"Y/N, you must know we're doing this in your best interest. You were hysterical, and we still don't know what happened. It took you so long to recover. Do you think a military man who got deployed would wish to return to a battlefield? A survivor of attempted murder wishing to be alone with their attacker?"

"You don't get to decide for me anymore, though. I'm an adult and I have the right to know."

"We're telling you the truth. You never told us, and our first instinct was to get you out of there. Have you considered for a moment the possibility that ignorance is bliss? You may regret it once you get informed."

Your grandfather reaches forward, his leathery hand covering your own. "We still want to protect our little girl. It's what your parents would've wanted. Would you really want to throw your life away just like that? Just for a little bit of information? It may not be worth it, and you may just be wasting your time."

"This doesn't just affect me though. My moving affected Taehyung as well. He suffered here alone while I was whisked away."

"If you had seen the way you acted the moment we found you, you'd agree with our judgment. Taehyung didn't endure the trauma you did. We found you battered and bruised and catatonic, muttering 'buttons' over and over again. The next thing we knew, your friend was reported missing, never to be seen again! That could've been you. We tested our luck, and by that time it was only logical to send you someplace safe."

"Buttons?" Your brows furrow. "Why would I be saying buttons?"

Your grandma sighed, shaking her head as she pulled her own bowl of oatmeal into her lap, your grandfather getting up to help her. "Ignorance is a luxury, my dear. It'd be best not to squander it."

-

You picked at your late-night dinner, staring at your Other Grandmother's button eyes. She seemed to sense your suspicions, from how you refused to eat to how you'd simply look at her, analyzing her.

Buttons... buttons... what had happened here?

"Is something wrong, dear?" she questions, raising a perfectly arched brow. "This was one of your favorites when you were little. You loved chicken adobo."

You didn't doubt her. "Tell me a bit more about my time here. What would I do?"

"Oh! You'd do everything. From helping your grandfather here in the garden or helping me cook. You gave us as much love as we gave you." She seemed to melt at the memory, your Other Grandfather nodding in agreement. "And besides Jimin, you'd hang out with Taehyung!"

"Taehyung?" You visibly perked up at that, dropping your utensil, fully alert. "He was here? I thought he never came here."

"Oh, not that Taehyung, silly," she said, waving her hand. "The Taehyung here! The perfect Taehyung!"

"The perfect Taehyung?" He already looked like a god. Sure, he was a bit troubled, but who wasn't?

"Everything's perfect here. Including you." She reaches over to pinch your cheek, something you couldn't recall your actual grandmother doing once. You hear the doorbell ring, and your Other Grandmother clapped her hands, delighted. "Oh! Speak of the devil, he's here. I know you two are too old to call it 'playdates', but have fun! Not too much fun, of course. You're still my little girl."

"Taehyung?" You sit up, bolting from the table to the door. Opening the door, you couldn't help but be surprised. You should've seen it coming, though. Instead of those brooding eyes that would glare at you, filled with sadness and resentment, you were met with buttons. Cold, unfeeling buttons, that didn't display any emotions despite how he'd raise his eyebrows and smile at you.

"Y/N!" His arms wrapped around you, and you were stunned. His voice... was the same. And he looked like your Taehyung. It felt so strange to have him wrap you in a tight hug. You had been yearning for Tae's touch since you had gotten here, whether it was lust-driven or deeper, you didn't know. All you could hear was your heart pumping.

He steps back and you feel your Other Grandmother's hand on your shoulder. She leans in, a girlish giggle escaping her lips. "You know, you always had a crush on Tae. In this world and the next. It's good to see that things haven't changed. I think now that you've matured, though, you'll know who to pick."

She steps back momentarily before shrieking, stepping over to the porch to kick at the cat. "Oh, that damned cat!"

You turn to look at it, but it scampers off before you could get a look at it. "What was that about?"

"Oh, it just digs up in my gardens. Don't worry, I'll get it one day," she huffs before letting her usual serene smile spread over her face. "Now, why don't you two have fun? I'm sure you two have a lot to catch up on."

"Er... sure."

You look at Taehyung, about to awkwardly question him where he wanted to go before he wrapped his hand around yours. Your heart thundered in your chest, violently pounding as he smiled to you, tugging you along. "C' mon, I'll take you to our favorite place."

You had no choice but to follow along, completely dumbfounded. The Tae you knew would never be like this. He was so cold and aloof, as though your mere presence brought him pain. Despite it, you couldn't help but feel the emotions rise in your chest, as though they were now being awoken from their slumber. Feeling his hand in yours only confirmed the past feelings that seemed to reemerge.

This Taehyung already seemed different, though. He was more extroverted, friendly, warm. You didn't know what to make of it, though.

He looked the same save for the black buttons, and you had no doubt that you had been with this boy too during your childhood. 

Was this what she meant by the perfect Taehyung? The one who would hold your hand and smile at you? Who didn't seem so sad and angry at everyone?

It wasn't long before the two of you had gone to a well, sitting on top of the lid. It seemed secure enough as Taehyung's back leaned against yours, your fingers still intertwined.

You missed this. Something told you that you did. His fingers locked so perfectly with yours, not too thick like a lot of men's, where your fingers would suffocate between his. No, it felt as though his hand was locked with yours. You wondered if the real Taehyung's hand would fit like this.

"Why's this our spot?" you questioned.

"Look up," he says, pointing up to the stars above your heads. "This was where we could see the stars clearest."

"They're beautiful." They looked closer to carefully stitched stars on a quilt, as though someone with master craftmanship managed to sew it together.

"The Other Grandmother is talented. She makes everything here beautiful so beautiful people can stay here."

"She made all of this?" you questioned, eyes widened. "Like, by hand?"

"Of course! It's like a Garden of Eden. She made everything perfect for you," he beams. His face softens as he thinks for a moment. "She kept it like this, though. Hasn't touched it since you left. We've been waiting for you to come back. I've missed you a lot."

"You have?" Was he even real? None of this seemed to be.

"Of course!" Other Taehyung grinned, wrapping his arms around you, this hug not as brief as the first. "I don't think I can remember a single day where I didn't think about you. I'm just glad you're back, y' know? Best not to dwell on the past. Just look forward to the future."

He truly was nothing like Taehyung.

"So... did the Other Grandmother make you too?"

His frowns slightly at that for the briefest of moments, but it disappears as quickly as it had appeared. "Yeah. I told you, she made everything perfect just for you. You'd always come here crying because of how mean Taehyung in your world was. He'd be so mean, paying more attention to Jimin than you, and didn't seem to like you back. So, she gave you a friend who would pay attention to you, be kind, return your feelings."

"So you loved me?"

"I was made to," he confirms. "But in a sense, everyone is, huh? I mean, that's what soulmates are supposed to be."

"I guess I should've taken you as a dreamer. Real-world Taehyung isn't."

"What's he like?" Other Tae's voice got a bit quiet, but he cocked his head to the side, curious. "I'm not supposed to ask, but I've always been curious."

"Well, he's cool. A bit cold and aloof, and a bit... sad. I know it must hurt him to see me, but I know he tries. He's not that good at it, but he tries. And... I think things can get better with him, y' know? He needs a friend."

"No, I mean why did you like someone who made you cry so much?"

"Oh." You think about it for a moment. Did you cry back the over him? You supposed you were far more sensitive back then, but now simply let his attempts to push you away bounce off. "I don't really know, to be honest. I don't think I'd truly know even if I did have my memories. We can't choose who we fall for, right? We don't choose soulmates. People fall for those who hurt them for different reasons, but I guess for back then I was just little. I didn't really think much of it, I suppose. I thought he was cute and he was still a little boy who wasn't concerned with the prospect of adult things such as love."

"So why do you still love him now?"

"What?" You snap your head in his direction, flabberghasted. "No, I don't. I mean, I'm attracted to him and all- but it's not what you think! I'm not like, 'Oh, I love bad boys!' because of his cold demeanor. He's kinda weird but I owe it to him and all to help him, right? I mean... right? And he's the only person around here who apparently knew me, other than in the Other World, ha... But I don't love him. I don't even like him. Nope."

Other Taehyung simply looks away, a small quirk to his lips. "You really haven't changed, huh?"

"I'll tell you one thing- you're the exact opposite of him. Usually, I'm the one who's asking him questions."

"I'm supposed to be perfect, remember?"

"Yeah..." Your eyes drift, and soon you spot a small calico cat. "Oh my God, is that the cat?"

"That's him- you don't want to talk to him though. Other Grandmother- oh, well, nevermind."

"Aren't you a cutie! A boy calico cat! Other Taehyung, do you know how rare these are? One in three thousand!" You pick up the cat, scooping it in your arms as you pet it. He purred in your arms. "You're just adorable, aren't you?"

"Y/N... you should really put it down. Other Grandmother really won't like-"

"Oh please, she's just not a cat person. She should chill," you say. "Hey... why doesn't this one have button eyes? I thought everything here did. Hell, I even saw a fly with buttons for eyes."

"It's just a weird cat, Y/N. Can we please go? Please put the cat down," he insists.

"Alright, alright. I don't know if you're allergic or something, but whatever." You huff, putting down the calico. It rubs against your legs, purring still as it stays by your side. You scratch behind its ear, grinning. "I think I'll name you Mochi because you're cute enough to eat!"

"Don't give it a name!" Other Taehyung says, a worried tone as he takes your hand, walking you along. "Come on, it's probably about time you go home."

"What? But I don't-"

"Just trust me, ok?"

"Why should I?" You yank your hand from his grip. "I barely know you."

"You trust your Taehyung, don't you?"

"I mean..."

"We're two sides of the same coin, as hard as it may seem. Please. I'll see you soon, ok?"

You sigh, knowing you weren't going to get your way. He seemed genuinely stressed and worried, and real or not, you found it impossible to deny the guilt you were beginning to feel at his concern. "Alright, fine. I'll see you soon, Other Tae."

"Thank you. I'm sorry."

You didn't know exactly what he was apologizing for but decided not to pry. It seemed to be the only thing he shared in common with real Taehyung so far.

-

"You don't by any chance hate cats, do you?" you question, looking skeptically up towards your grandmother.

She quirked a brow, looking up from her morning paper, like the old lady she was. You couldn't think of a single person under forty who didn't use the internet to find out the news. "No, of course not. I'd have ten if your grandfather wasn't allergic, and even then, he's more of a dog person. You remember how he'd always go on about that pooch he had back in the seventies."

"Yeah, I remember," you murmur. "Well, are there any cats around here?"

"Only a stray I caught up on our roof the other day. I have no doubt he's made millions of paw prints on top, but Lord knows it would be a miracle for me to ever see them, especially in this damned wheelchair. No matter, though, even in my prime I was scared of heights. Don't worry about the cat, though, he came down eventually."

Your ears perked up at that. "What'd the cat look like?"

"Deary me, darling, since when were you so invested in those fluffy little things? I thought you were like your grandfather: a dog person," she says.

"Please answer the answer, Grandmother."

"Oh, let me see. It had some spots on it, like orange and brown and a bit of black. Mainly white, though."

"So a calico?"

"Ah, yes! That's the word. Calico," your grandmother hums. 

"Is it alright if I go to Taehyung's house?" you question, getting up from the table.

"Oh, alright. I'm glad you two are friends again. I used to tell your grandfather that you missed him even when you didn't know he existed," she said, smiling. "I was more or less rooting for Taehyung back in the day. Your grandfather not so much, I'm sure he'll give me the five bucks he's owed me for fives years by the end of the week. I've always had an advantage of course- you had a bit of a crush on him when you were younger. Guess old habits never change."

She seemed to be right in that regard.

-

"You can't seem to stay away from me, can you?"

"Of course not, you're irresistible," you mutter to Taehyung, pushing past him. "I've got a normal question for once."

"That in itself makes it the opposite of normal."

"Whatever. Tell me, is there a stray calico around here?" you question, looking up at him.

"There is. My mom likes to feed it, but she can't settle on a name. I think this week the name's Pudding," he says. "You didn't come here for me to just give you the name of a cat, did you?"

"No, but you need to help me find it," you say, grabbing his hand to tug.

"You're joking right?" he asks, a ludicrous expression on his face. "I might have something to do."

"No, you don't. You're just going to stay inside and watch Netflix all day, aren't you?"

"You just say that because everyone our age does that."

"Am I right?"

"Do I really have to answer?"

"Then let's go."

-

"If you really think I'm going to climb a tree to get some goddamn cat, you're dumber than I thought," Taehyung huffs.

You both stare up the tree, a particular high branch acting as a perch for the calico. His tail swished back and forth, gleaming eyes staring down at the two of you. Watching, observing. You place the bag down, the doll at the very bottom of it to keep from Tae's prying eyes. You begin to wipe your hands against your shirt, drying them.

"I named it Mochi," you say. "It's a boy."

"You've met it already?" 

"Something like that," you mutter, walking up to the tree and grabbing hold of a lower branch.

"Woah woah woah, what do you think you're doing?" Taehyung tugs you back. "That's way too high and dangerous for a person to do. You could fall and get hurt."

"Didn't we climb trees as kids?"

"None like that. Just leave the cat alone, it'll come down if it wants to," Taehyung says.

"I just want to get a closer look at Mochi," you say, releasing yourself from Taehyung's grip to proceed.

He doesn't let you off that easily though, yanking you back down and blocking your way, crossing his arms. At that moment you could truly observe how much larger he was, chest built and shoulders broad, his height allowing him to tower over you. He truly was a man and not the little boy from the pictures.

You glare at him, observing. You couldn't help but think back to Other Tae, Regular Taehyung's eyes slowly being replaced with buttons and his frown being replaced with a smile. "Say, did you like me back when we were little?"

He seemed surprised by your sudden question. "What? Where'd that come from?"

"Just answer the question."

"I mean," he huffed, trailing off as he scratches his head, perplexed, "I probably did. You were a girl and I was a boy and I only hung out with you and Jimin. I guess I did."

"I don't want you to guess. Did you like me back?"

"Yes? Uh, yes. I did." His ears burn red. "What's this about?"

"Do you think the reason you're so mean to me and push me away could be because of the lack of closure that was brought upon by my leaving? Therefore leaving you in a confused state where you treat me in the same way a little boy treated his crush because you couldn't comprehend the transition of our relationship from kids into adults?"

"What?"

"I mean I'd get it if you're just letting out the resentment you feel because I left before, but from the sound of it, you acted similarly when we were little. And your behavior does remind me of an elementary schooler. Not that I think you still harbor any feelings towards me, but perhaps you don't know how else to act around me."

"Where's all of this coming from?"

You shook your head. "Ah, nevermind. I didn't mean that."

"Wait, hold up, you can't just analyze people like that and expect-"

"Shush, the cat's coming down!" Indeed, it was, jumping from branch to branch until it was at the closest one. You reached out tentatively, the cat preening and rubbing its head against your hand, purring. You couldn't help but smile. "That's a good Mochi. You're a sweet boy, aren't you?"

"Are you here just to waste my time?" Taehyung huffed. "I like cats as much as the next person, but I'm more of a dog person."

"Shush for a moment," you say. "Mochi, do you remember me, boy? Back at the well?"

Mochi's ears seemed to prick up at that, and he immediately jumps off the tree, scampering off. You grab Taehyung's hand, and before he even has time to protest you're running through the woods, dodging trees in an attempt to keep up with the cat.

"Hurry up! You've got longer legs than me, you should be faster," you scold him, your hand tight in his.

"I'm trying! You've always been a faster runner than me!"

You couldn't help but gloat at that.

You let out a shock of amazement when you find yourself at the well. It was covered in dirt and plants, though, ivy growing around it and mud caking every surface.

Taehyung breathed heavily, trying to regain composure. "God, you know, for a moment there it felt like the old days of you dragging me through the woods to follow your hairbrained schemes."

You ignored his reminiscence, however. "Taehyung! Mochi found the well!"

You looked to the cat, sitting delicately on the top of the covered well, staring at you expectantly. You lower yourself to his level, staring it in the eye. "You understand me, don't you?"

"Y/N, you're talking to a cat. Are you sure you aren't going crazy? How'd you even know about this place?" Taehyung brushes some of the dirt off of the surface, avoiding touching the cat. Mochi ignored Taehyung's hesitance, however, rubbing against Taehyung's hand, yearning for his touch.

You loosen the well's top, sliding it over to the side as the cat stayed on top. It wasn't until you had it drop to the ground that Mochi jumped off. You looked inside, only seeing pitch black.

"Because it's our favorite spot."

"You and Mochi's?"

"No, you and me. Well, not exactly you," you say.

"I don't follow."

"Sit down," you say, tugging on his sleeve so he sits with you on the edge of the well. "You're not going to believe me. You didn't believe me and Jimin ten years ago, from the sound of it, but you need to listen to me."

"Y/N, what's going on-"

You grab his face in your hands, forcing him to make eye contact, your faces inches apart. "Taehyung."

He stays quiet, a signal that he was listening.

You take a deep breath, closing your eyes. "There's this world that Jimin and I had accessed before, ten years ago. It's exactly like this world but... better. It's so cloudy and gloomy here, and there it's always bright and warm. The feeling is like when you sink your teeth into a freshly baked batch of cookies, you know? There's this tiny door I use to access the place, and when I say it's magical, it truly is. The people are there, too. But... not. For one, my grandmother can walk, and everyone has these button eyes... including you."

"Wait, what? Me? I'm in this 'world'? And I have buttons for eyes?"

"Yes. It's not really you. It's something my Other Grandmother made for me- all of it was made for me, and even Jimin at some point. So the version of you there is nothing like the one you really are, here, in this world."

"How so?"

"He loves me."

Taehyung's quiet at that. You continue. "I had a crush on you when we were little, and you were always mean to me, similar to how you are now apparently. So the Other Grandmother gave me a version of you that finally felt the same way about me. He was made to love me in your absence, I suppose. She called him the Perfect Taehyung."

"What's the point of you telling me all of this?"

"Because," you say, jumping up excitedly, "that's where the answers are! The incident, I'm sure it happened there! And I think it'll help you find out where Jimin went, too. I can bring you there and we can get answers. I know the Other Grandmother knows more than she leads on, and she's kind, she'll tell us. Especially if you tell her-"

"If you and Jimin went to this world, why didn't I? We were a trio, inseparable," Taehyung interjects.

"Jimin and I were dealing with things that required a place to escape. I had to deal with my grandparents' health and you not reciprocating feelings, while Jimin had to deal with his parents' divorce. Can you think of something like that you were dealing with at the time?"

"No," he admits. "I was a happy kid."

"That's hard to believe," you snort. "Nevertheless, Other Taehyung- that's what I call that version of you, by the way- is willing to help me find out information. You two are supposed to be like two sides of the same coin, he said. He said if I trusted you, I should trust him."

"You trust me?"

"I do."

"What does a cat have to do with any of this?"

"The cat is the only thing in that world that didn't have button eyes. I'm confident this is the same cat. Mochi was here with me when Other Taehyung and I went to the well. The Other Grandmother wasn't fond of him, either, which is weird. That means she didn't make him like she made everything else. He's... special."

Taehyung didn't say anything, soaking in your information.

"Tae, please, come with me and I can show you-"

Taehyung looks away before standing up, a shadow cast across his face, as though he refused to believe you. "Y/N... stop."

"What? Stop what?"

"Stop this. Stop playing with my head and stop playing with your own. This Other World isn't real, and you need to face reality. You're probably dreaming this stuff as a way to cope with the missing information, to piece everything together. You're living in this fantasy ever since you remembered the game you and Jimin used to play."

"But Jimin-"

"Jimin is dead," Taehyung said harshly, glaring at you. "He's dead, Y/N. End of story."

You fumed, stepping up to him and meeting his eye. "Give me a chance to show you. I'm not crazy, and I'm not making this stuff up."

"Leave me out of this, Y/N."

"No!" you shouted, grabbing onto his sleeve before he could walk away. "You're in this as much as I am! You've reminded me that you weren't the only one affected by the incident. Every action I make does impact you to some degree. We're childhood friends, Taehyung. Don't tell me you don't care about me anymore."

He grits his teeth, clenching his jaw. "It's only human to care."

"No, you know what I mean. You care about me the same way I care about you, perhaps more so. You remember the little me who got a dumb tattoo and had a stupid crush on you. I'm still that girl, just a bit more mature. And I know somewhere behind all that adult angst you're the little boy who enjoyed life more than his two friends."

"Y/N-"

"You loved me. I loved you. We're still the same people we were back then, Taehyung, just a few inches taller and just a few scars more. I feel so intensely for you, and I don't even remember the majority of our time spent together. So what about you?"

Taehyung pulls from your grip. "You're just reopening old scars, Y/N."

"Well, there are some things that time won't heal! And this is one of them! We've got an opportunity, and..." Your argument dies in your throat when you see him begin to cry, eyes glassy as fast tears fall down his cheeks. "Taehyung?"

He wipes them away, taking a step back as he looks at you with a pained expression on his face. "You don't know when to stop, do you? You never have."

"Taehyung..."

"I'm damaged, Y/N. I'm so damaged. I'm selfish and I had always dreamt of you coming back to fix me, you know? I thought you'd take away all of the pain but instead, you bring more. I can't ask you to fix me, that's no one's responsibility but my own, and I can't put my burdens on your shoulders."

"Taehyung, I'm more than willing to help you. That's all I was intending-"

"You're not helping, though!" he snaps back. "At some point, you've got to put intentions aside and really think about what you're doing. It doesn't matter how good your intentions are if you're hurting someone, is it?"

You didn't have anything to retort that.

"That's what I thought," he sighed. He tentatively steps forward, holding your cheek with such tenderness you would've thought you were made of glass. Instead, you realize it was because he was the fragile one, as though he were afraid that even touching you would break him. "I do still love you. I do still care about you. We are the same people we were, deep down, and I can never stop loving by best friends: the lost boy and the amnesiac. It's because I love you that I want you to do what I never could- move on. You're given a chance I wasn't, and you're not as shattered as I am. If you continue this path you're going to hurt yourself. Save me that pain, at least, ok? Give me at least a little hope, even if it's for you."

You didn't realize it, but your eyes had started to well up with tears. You attempt to hold him in your arms, to hold him close and console him, but he slips away too quickly. He turns aside, Mochi at his heels and in front of him, as though trying to stop him. Taehyung simply stops, moving the cat aside with his foot, carrying on until he disappeared back in the direction you two came from.

You sit back on the well with Mochi, stroking his fur as you wonder where you went wrong.

-

Ultimately you decide to go back to Taehyung's house the next day, spending a little less than 24 hours contemplating the argument from before. It was evening when you found yourself on his front porch, dampening the welcome mat with the water that you had soaked you to the bone, despite the yellow rain apparel you adorned. Damn thundershowers.

"What do you want, Y/N?" he questions in lieu of a greeting, an exasperated look on his face. He was only wearing a tee and sweats and judging from the lack of cars outside, you assumed he was home alone. He seemed to already know it was you, almost as though he were expecting you to come to visit him and annoy him further.

You suck in a deep breath. "I just wanted to say that... I'm sorry."

He seems surprised at that. 

"I am," you continue, "and I know that what I've done has only hurt you more than intended. Bringing up the past and dragging you through memories you don't want to revisit, it has to hurt. I demand answers from you that you don't have yourself, and I know you want to forget. Regardless of what I think, I can't force you to do anything. If you choose to forget, so be it. I have to respect your decisions when it comes to coping, even if they don't coincide with my own. It's unfair of me to assume you're the answer to everything, to all of my problems.

"You said before that you used to fantasize about me fixing you. I used to think the same thing. I thought one moment with you would bring upon a flurry of memories, and I'd be... whole again. And it didn't happen. But I kept trying. I kept thinking that if I spent time with you, the person who was one half of my world when we were younger, I'd be fixed. But we can't expect someone else to be our savior. That's unfair to them. You were mature enough to realize that, but I wasn't. I pestered my grandparents into bringing me back, undoubtedly hurting them too. I hurt you the most, though, and I'm really, really sorry. I was being selfish and thinking only of myself. You deserve better."

There's a pause, only the continuing rain to fill the silence.

Suddenly, Taehyung laughs.

"You know, when we were younger you'd never apologize for anything. You were just stubborn, and you never liked to admit when you were in the wrong."

You offer a weak smile. "Good to know that I matured at least a little bit."

You share that moment for just a bit, a mutual understanding reached between the two of you. You remember something and opened the bag you always carried around with you. "Oh, there's one more thing I have to tell you, though. You mentioned this doll that looked like Jimin, and I swear I didn't take that one, but right when I got here I got one that looked like me..."

You take out the doll, seeing how Taehyung's face pales in comparison. "What? What's wrong? I swear I won't ask about it, but it seemed imp-"

"Get rid of it," he whispers.

"What?"

"Y/N, please..." He lets out an exasperated sigh, pulling you inside. "Please, just get rid of it."

"Why, though?"

"Why do you always have to ask questions?"

"Because I want to know, why else?"

"Because it's just like the doll Jimin had! Before... before he died," Taehyung said. "I can't lose you too, Y/N. There are too many coincidences. You're just like him before he went away. Talking about some other world, carrying around that... that thing. Please, please just-"

"Ok, ok!" You grab the doll, throwing it into the rain. It fell into a puddle of mud and rain. You close the door behind you. "It's gone, it's gone ok? Calm down, please. It's gone now."

Taehyung grabbed onto your shoulders, forcing you to make eye contact with him. "Don't go to this... this world. Dream or not, I don't know, don't go. I can't lose you, too. Y/N, please don't. It was a mistake for you to come back. You should've stayed where you are. Why can't you just leave it at forgetting? It's safer. This place, I don't know what it is or who it is, something's doing what they did to Jimin to you. You can't call me crazy or paranoid, because you're going on about button eyes and other people and cats in two worlds! I can't just stand aside and see what happened to Jimin happen to you. I tried to ignore it before, convincing myself I was trying to connect dots that weren't there, but if anything happens to you... I couldn't live with myself."

"Taehyung, I'm ok, I promise-"

"No, you're not! You're eating yourself up trying to find out the truth, just like I did. And it's driving you down the same path that led Jimin to his death. On and on he'd go on about some other world just like yours and carried around a little doll just like yours, and he's dead now. Get it in your head, Y/N. You can't go back to that place. You need to get as far away from here as possible."

"I told you I wasn't going anywhere-"

"I can't risk losing another person I love!" Tears are streaming down his face once again. "I love you, ok? Whether it's you now, a grown woman, or us as kids, where we'd just fight and play and do dumb shit. Jimin was like a brother to me and I couldn't stop his death."

"I'm not just the little girl you used to know, though."

"No, you're not! You're a woman who's too curious for her own good, trying to unravel a mystery and the truth despite the objections of everyone. You listen only to your own voice and you care for people beyond repair despite the fact you truly have no responsibilities for their burdens. And goddammit, you might be annoying but I fucking love you, ok? One way or another. So please, for once listen to me."

"Taehyung..."

His eyes search your own, as though trying to see some sort of answer, some sort of confirmation that you were going to finally listen to his words. He smashed his lips to yours, and you find yourself immediately responsive, arms hooking around his neck as he pulls you up, your legs finding their way around his waist.

It's so fast, you stripping off your rain boots and jacket along the way. Before you know it your back bounces against a mattress. You didn't have long to process, however, Taehyung crawling over you to kiss you again, his tongue diving into your mouth and exploring every inch. You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to memorize the feeling of his body against yours, the movement of his lips, the feeling of the moment right now.

"Taehyung," you gasp between kisses, his lips never leaving your own for long. It isn't until he's kissing the side of your neck that you're able to properly speak. "Taehyung, please."

"What is it, baby?" he rasps into the side of your neck, the word ringing in your head.

"Wanna taste you," you say, clinging onto his clothes to bring him impossibly closer, despite the fact his broad chest was pressed already so tightly to your own.

"Mm, I like the sound of that," he hums lower, his voice baritone. He climbs off of you, and you miss the absence of his warm body, but all thoughts of that are forgotten when he starts to undo the drawstring to his sweatpants.

You find yourself kneeling in front of him, licking the fabric of his underwear before seeing his semi. He was already a bit bigger than expected, and the thought of him stretching you out only excites you. You hold him in your hand, licking from base to tip before going back down, sucking a sack into your mouth as you pumped his shaft.

"I want to be in your mouth," he groans, one hand going down to tangle into your blue hair. "No hands. If I wanted hands I'd just do it myself."

You obey, letting go of his dick to begin sucking at the tip, hollowing out your cheeks as you bobbed your head, slowly taking him further down your throat, inch by inch. You weren't capable of deep throating him, however, as he was a bit bigger than guys you were used to. He didn't seem to mind, though, simply enjoying the sight of you on your knees. The deeper you went, the messier it got. Soon enough you were choking not only on his dick but on your own spit.

"Fuck, you're so good at sucking cock," he praised, his hand moving your head how he pleased up and down his dick. He lets you take a breath, a trail of saliva connecting your mouth the tip before snapping off. "Where'd you learn to suck cock like that, baby?"

"College," you smiled. "Never sucked a cock this big, though."

It was true. He was now fully erect and at attention, an inch or two more than what you were accustomed to, and just as girthy.

He chuckled lowly, "Is that right? You think all of it will be able to fit inside that tight cunt of yours?"

"Make it."

"Fuck, you're nasty."

He lets go of your hair, pulling you up to the mattress. It's not long before you're stripped down to your underwear. You curse yourself for not wearing something cuter, not expecting to get laid when you came to apologize to Taehyung.

You wondered to yourself for a moment if Taehyung was using sex as a means to persuade you, stringing you along by your feelings in an attempt to get you to obey him. Did he really love you and care for you as he said he did? Did he really want to have sex with you? Or was this just a means of getting his way?

You didn't have much time to think about it, however, his large hands spreading your thighs apart, revealing your vulnerable cunt to him. He licked his lips, looking you in the eye.

"Looks good enough to eat," he joked.

"Then do it already," you snapped, impatient.

"God, you're such a bitch," he growled, diving down to lick a stripe up your folds, earning a shudder from you. "But you're my bitch, aren't you? My little bitch in heat."

"Fuck, just shut up and keep going."

He did as he was told without further commentary, flicking his tongue to collect as many juices as he could, sucking harshly at your clit to make you squirm. With the way he was pinning you down to the bed, there was really nothing else you could do other than lay there and take it, staring him in the eye as best you could until you simply tossed your head back into the sheets, curling your hands into his hair, making tight fists.

He seemed pleased, hissing with pleasure as you yanked at his scalp, a fellow masochist. It only pushed him further, his mouth devouring you whole as he urged you to get closer to your high, never slowing down to take a breath. It was as though he wanted to die between your thighs, and if he continued for even five more seconds, you'd let him do just that.

Suddenly it stopped, though, and you're giving him a look of frustration, sitting up to scold him. He simply looks smug in response, his lower face covered in a clear sheen of your juices. He licks his lips, wiping his face with the back of his hand.

"The fuck was that for?" you question, huffing as he pins you back down to your back.

"The first time you cum, I want it to be on this fat cock," he clarifies.

You reach between the two of you, stroking him as you spread your legs invitingly. "Do you need a written invitation?" you ask, quirking a brow.

"God, you really are a bitch," he groans, aligning himself with your entrance. The two of you let out a groan of pleasure once he begins to sink in, the tip beginning to dive into your tight walls. You were so wet, though, you didn't doubt that you could take all of him.

"Oh yeah, fuck, call me a bitch again," you demand, gritting your teeth as he sinks in deeper.

"Such a bitch, my little bitch," Taehyung says, following your orders, too focused on the pleasure of your hot walls enveloping him. "Tight, nasty little bitch, all mine for the taking."

"All yours," you promise, your legs hooking around his waist, digging your heels into his ass to drive him further. 

"G-going to stop being a brat then? Stop being a bitch and listen to me?" he questions, past the halfway point.

"You don't own me," you gasp out, feeling how completely he was filling you.

"O-own this tight little pussy, though, fuck!" You both hiss, concentrating on the pleasurable stretch of your walls to accommodate his girth as he bottomed out into you, the head kissing your cervix. Never before did you feel as full as you did now, as though his thick cock was made to be inside of you. The pleasurable stretch was unlike anything you were used to.

"Yeah, you own it, nothing can compare," you say. "Please, move already."

"You ready?"

"Yes, move already."

He doesn't need any further prodding, slowly moving his hips to rock into you. You both groaned, moaning as his hips slapped against your own, the pace increasing gradually. 

"Fuck, this pussy was made for me," Taehyung says, his cock beginning to pound into your cervix, bruising it. “Look at me fucking you. So big you can see how deep I am.”

You looked down, seeing how he fucked you, your belly protruding from the size of him. He was so big, filling you up, that you could practically see him in your guts, impossibly deep. 

"Oh my god, Tae, right there." Your nails stretch down his back, nails digging in as you moan unabashedly."Keep going, don't stop!"

"Right there?" He stimulates your g-spot, and you're unable to contain yourself, eyes beginning to roll into the back of your head due to pleasure.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, I'm close," you moaned, the wanton sounds causing Taehyung's balls to tighten.

"Yeah? Gonna cream on this fat cock, nasty bitch?"

You weren't even able to answer, mouth agape as he slithered a hand between the two of you, rubbing your clit. That was all it took for you to go over the edge, white-hot bliss spreading all the way to your fingertips.

He throbbed inside of you, ready to burst, ready to fill you up. "Fuck, that's it, get my dick nice and wet, that's a good little bitch," Taehyung praises, continuing to pound into you to help you ride out your orgasm.

It isn't long until he follows after you, bottoming out as he holds you close, painting your walls white. The two of you breathe heavily, holding each other close, trying to process what happened.

"I have a spare change of clothes for you, and you can take a shower here if you want to spend the night," he offers.

You're quiet for a moment, turning your back away from him, his arm still around you so that you were now spooning. "Did you want to have sex with me? Or is it just to convince me?"

He's quiet.

"I've wanted to have sex with you for a long time. Even when we were little. After you moved, I thought about what you'd look like. I think I had my first wet dream about you when I was around twelve, in fact. When I got the talk, I used to think you'd be the girl I'd lose it to. We'd both lose it to each other before college and all that stuff."

"And?"

"And I wanted more, too, I think. I liked you even when we were little. I was crazy about you."

"Then why were you so mean to me?"

"I was a boy who didn't know how to express how he felt." He laughed a bit at that. "I was the kid who'd tug at your pigtails to annoy you, and Jimin'd have to scold me. Maybe you're right. Maybe I still act like that around you because that's all I know. I did feel the same way you did about me, though. I was just too scared to tell you."

"So why'd we have sex now? Why didn't you tell me any of this?"

"Because I guess I'm still scared. I don't want to drag you into my problems. I don't want to hurt you. I want to keep you safe, but when I freaked out all I could think of was 'I'm losing her for real this time'. All these years all I've ever wanted to do was kiss you, and not in the way we did when we were little and wanted to just get it over with. I wanted to for real kiss you, and it just went from there. Do you regret it?"

"No, I don't. I wanted it, too. For a while." You turn around to face him again, face to face. "I don't need you to be my hero, Tae. We can help each other, support each other, in fact. We can be there for each other. It doesn't mean we've got to depend on the person to fix us. It's more like the person who holds the pieces as you glue them back together, you know? We help each other fix ourselves. That's all we can do."

He smiles a bit at that, shuffling a bit closer so that his nose brushes against your own. "I'd like that."

-

It's past midnight, and you sit in front of the door, contemplating. You had snuck out of Taehyung's, still wearing his clothes and smelling like him, all because you couldn't sleep. You knew why. The familiar skitter of the rats in the attic made sure to keep you equally restless now, unable to doze off even if you climbed into your own bed. You told Other Taehyung you'd come to see him. But what if none of it was real? What if you really were delusional or dreaming? The actions you were taking were hurting the real Taehyung.

You contemplated your choices, pondering.

Ultimately it was your life. You didn't want to hurt Taehyung, but he couldn't make his choices for you. You'd have to leave him be for him to heal since there was no way for you to rest like this. You look behind you, making eye contact with the doll tied to your bag, the buttons unblinking.

Jimin had a doll just like it and was in the world with you. Dream or not, you've got to find out what happened to him and you.

Sorry, Tae, but one of us has to know what happened to Jimin. I wouldn't want to die without anyone knowing what happened to me.

You swing open the door, crawling through the tunnel and into the exact replica of your room. You don't bother looking around, finding your way easily to the Other Grandmother, a pleasant smile on her face as she holds up a plate of pancakes, chocolate chips making the smile.

"There you are!" she says. "I've been wondering where you'd be. I made you your favorite!"

"It's not breakfast time, though."

"Where's your sense of wonder, Y/N? Who cares what time it is? It's always time for chocolate chip pancakes," she laughs.

You look down at it, pushing it away as you stare at those black, button eyes of hers. "I'm not a little girl anymore."

She frowns at that. "I know that. I just wanted to live out the good old days, you know?"

"That'd be with Jimin, though. He's not around."

"That's right. Pity. I miss the boy," she sighs, taking back the plate. "Fine, if you're not going to have pancakes, what do you want?"

"I don't want any food, right now."

"Oh? Don't tell me you filled up already," she chuckled. "Midnight snack?"

"Tell me what happened here ten years ago."

Other Grandmother simply let out a sigh, turning back to you. She wore a disappointed look, the same way a parent looks at their child throwing a tantrum for the tenth time. "My my, you say you're all grown up but you haven't changed one bit. You still make demands of me when I literally give you the world."

You sit down in the chair in front of her. "What's it going to take for you to stop dodging my questions? I just need to find out the truth."

"Don't you like it here, Y/N? Isn't the grass greener, isn't magic in the air? Aren't I nicer than your grandmother? Isn't Other Taehyung in love with you?"

"Yes, but-"

"I've given you everything you asked for, Y/N. Ten years I've waited for you, keeping everything exactly how you liked it, and here you are, unsatisfied as always. I never even got a thank you." You feel guilt pool into the pit of your stomach, and you feel like a child being rightfully scolded by their parents.

You look into your lap, lowering your lashes. "Thank you."

Her smile returned to her face, washing away the glimpse of sadness and disappointment. "See, that wasn't so hard? I raised you just as much as your real parents did, possibly more. They couldn't give you the attention a child such as yourself needed, what with their health and all. Why you'd be so damaged if I left you to be neglected."

Damaged. Your mind wanders back to Taehyung.

"Where's Other Taehyung?"

"About time you think of the boy. He loves you so much, he's been waiting for you in the garden since you left. Make sure to return here, though. I'm willing to tell you the truth if you really wish to hear it."

Your ears perk up at that, and you open your mouth to question her further, but she holds a delicate hand up to silence you. "Go to the boy first. I made him specifically to love you, and love you he shall."

You turn on your heel to go to the backyard. You barely paid attention to the bright colors and the sweet scents of the flowers, brilliant in comparison to the sludge you had to call a backyard. No, instead you made a beeline for the boy in the center, strangely enough sitting on the biggest pumpkin you've ever seen. You didn't pay much attention to it, though.

"Tae! Other Tae!" 

His head whips around, his puppy-like smile gracing his lips as he sees you. "Y/N!" he calls back, your name a siren call.

You're in his arms before you know it, held in a tight hug. "Other Grandmother told me you were waiting for me," you say.

"I'm always willing to wait for you. What's a day or two compared to ten years?" he laughs. "I've missed you, though."

"I missed you too, strangely enough." 

It was rare you got to see someone who was happy to see you in the real world. It was the Other Taehyung that made this place warm and inviting, truly. Not brilliant flowers or freshly cooked food. No, it was seeing someone who cared about you, who smiled at the mere sight of you. Despite the fact you couldn't look into his eyes and read his emotions, you were able to feel them.

You jump from his hug. "Oh, the cat! Mochi, he's in both worlds!"

Other Tae's brows furrow. "What do you mean?"

"Like, the cat, you know, the one we saw yesterday?" you ramble. "Me and real Taehyung- well, I don't mean it like that- we saw it! At the same well."

"So you know where the well is in the real world too?"

"Yeah, well, this is like a mirror of home, isn't it?" You gesture around. "I had help, though. Even Taehyung didn't know where the well was. Mochi helped guide us, though."

Other Tae had a nervous look on his face. "Did he?"

You frown. "What's wrong?"

"Y/N... I want to ask you something."

"What is it?"

"Would you stay here? With me?" He sees the shock on your face and is quick to talk. "You'd be so happy here, Y/N. I love you, you know that. You'd have your favorite food whenever you'd want. You'd never have to work or lift a single finger, everything would be provided. You'd get to have fun and have anything you'd want. I'd be here. Anything you'd want will be yours. Food, animals, gifts? Anything."

"I... Where is this coming from?"

Other Tae's face falls. "You can't stay flipping between two worlds all the time, Y/N. Eventually, you'll have to choose one."

"What do you mean?"

"It's the same deal that was provided for you ten years ago," he tells you. "Both you and Jimin."

"What'd Jimin pick?"

He shook his head. "I can't tell you that- I'm not allowed. Other Grandmother's got all the answers, and she'll tell you everything as long as you're willing to stay here with us. Be a family."

"Why does she want me so badly?"

"Because she fell for you as a child and wanted to keep you close to her. She hated when you left."

You tried to imagine what it'd be like to have your child ripped away from you when they were only eleven. You supposed you'd be desperate to keep them close if that were the case. "What about you, then? Why do you want me here?"

"It's because I lo-"

"Don't tell me you love me. Tell me something truly from you. Not something you're... programmed to say," you request. "Sometimes you feel so real, like him but... not. You look like him but you're someone else entirely. But I don't want you to just be someone who's perfect and made for me."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I need something that makes it feel like you're... human. Humans have wants, not just needs. They have selfish desires and feelings. You feel like that but then you repeat yourself like a broken record. I love you, I love you, I love you- but what else? What else do you feel other than love for me? Do you really want me with you or is that just what you're trained to feel? What you're destined to do? I don't want it to feel like you're "

He thinks for a moment. "I... I want you because... because you're real."

"Because I'm real?" You scoff. "You sound like the guys who go on about how down to Earth tomboys are."

"No, I mean you're actually real. Everything else was made for one thing and one thing only- to please you. They don't know anything outside the world created for them. These few acres of land. You, however, have seen the world, or at least far more than I have. You've met people with hopes and dreams. I don't even know if I have free will. I was made to love you, it's true, but that was because of my environment. If I lived somewhere else, I could've been crafted for another purpose."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean what we see is limited. Say a man lives on a mountain by a temple and was raised by monks to become just like that. Now imagine that same man lives in Colorado and instead chooses to grow weed. It's the same man, but the environment the man lives in determines what he wants and dreams. Both options are truly what he dreams of doing, but only because of the environment and how he was brought up. What he sees and dreams of is limited, and that's the same way for me. I've seen and lived in a world where the dream is to love you and have you. I do truly want that, but because that's how I was brought up, how I was made. In that sense, I have about as much free will as anyone in your world."

"I understand what you're saying," you nod, soaking in. "And it makes sense. You've got a point."

He holds your hand for a moment, cold and tight. "I do want you to stay here, though. Genuinely. You're real. You can tell me what it's really like out there, and I can tell you everything we did back in the day. We can be happy together. Could you see yourself loving me too?"

You thought for a moment, staring at him. "What about real Taehyung?"

"Is he the one you love?"

"I can't deny I feel nothing for him. He's..."

"Real," Other Taehyung finishes. "He's the real Taehyung."

"I'm sorry."

Other Tae lets go of your hand, letting it fall limply at your side. So badly you wanted fingers to intertwine with your own at that moment, a simple squeeze of forgiveness, but you knew that this wasn't something you could take back. He was right. Sure, this place was tangible, and you were confident it wasn't a dream. But it was too good to be true, and the good thing about the real world was that it was in fact, real. It had flaws, it had cracks, it had pain. This place was beautiful, but the longer you stay the more it felt like plastic surgery. A fake smile pulled back and forced because of how much botox was put in the cheeks.

He takes your face in his hands. "I'll prove to you I love you, though. Follow the cat."

You're unable to question him, his lips brought to yours. Your eyes go wide open at the feeling, the feeling of his lips against yours familiar. He feels so much like Taehyung. He kisses like him, too. But it's colder, without the real warmth of Taehyung. Taehyung was more so an angry sad, tears and frustration. Other Taehyung seemed to accept his fate, the kiss slow and measured, sad.

You kiss him back though, lips firm against his own, as though to apologize without words. 

And just like that, you were slipping back into the house, never to see him again.

-

"You said you'd give me answers," you say quietly, sitting in front of the Other Grandmother. "I'd like them now, please."

"Now, my sweet girl, I did say I'd tell you if you truly wish to hear it."

"I'm willing to do anything."

She raises a perfectly arched brow. "Anything?"

You look at her with determination, lips pressed together in a straight line, brows furrowed. "What's your condition?"

"Why, Other Taehyung already informed you! Sad you rejected him, though," she tuts. 

"How do you know about that?"

"I know everything here, dear. I made it," she smiles. "Now, you were asking about my condition?"

"Yes."

"I'll tell you everything you'd like to know. From what happened ten years ago, to Jimin's disappearance, to why you lost your memories," she guaranteed. "I'll tell you the entire truth about Jimin, in fact."

"What's the partial truth?"

The Other Grandmother's buttons glinted. "He's not dead, and he's here with us now."

You stood up, shock running through your system. Your heart stopped. "You're lying, aren't you? Park Jimin's dead."

She shook her head. "He is very much alive, my dear."

"What proof do you have?"

She smirks, as though expecting your reaction, having already prepared for it. She reaches under the table, pulling out two boxes. She pushes one forward, carefully analyzing your expression as you opened it. Inside were a younger boy's clothes, perhaps one of a preteen. A blue sweater and jeans, along with flashy sneakers.

"He doesn't fit those clothes anymore, of course. I like to keep it for sentimental purposes," the Other Grandmother explained. "I guarantee you they're his and not something I fashioned out of thin air. Your precious Taehyung would also be able to confirm it."

"So Jimin's here..." You couldn't believe it. You were flabbergasted by the mere thought. You closed the box, the clothes still inside, pressing it against your chest as though afraid it'd disappear from your hold.

"Ten years ago I asked him the same question I'm about to ask you. I can't tell you any more until you make your decision."

"What is it?"

She slides the other box to you, and you're quick to rip it apart, opening it. Staring back at you were two black buttons, with a needle and thread.

You look up at her, the serene smile greeting you in that same, amused way.

"Will you stay here with me?" 

You had a choice to make. 

Jimin or Taehyung?

The Other Grandmother interjects. "You made this decision ten years ago and decided to stay, but there were complications. The incident. You did decide to stay, though. I just figured it'd be polite to ask you again, to make sure."

This is what you wanted, wasn't it?

You even wanted this back then. You'd get all the answers. Jimin would inform you if he's really here. He'd tell you everything. You'd finally get to meet your other best friend, who undoubtedly chose to stay here. He had to be happier than Taehyung, who was wallowing in self misery. Taehyung didn't even want to see you. Every time you saw him there was just more pain. You were a burden that kept him from healing. There was a boy here who loved you, who was made to love you, a dream come true. He was nicer than Taehyung anyway and hung onto every word you said. It'd be best if you stayed here. For everyone.

"No."

She seems surprised, perfectly still for a moment. "No?" she finally says.

"No," you confirm. "I won't stay here. I can't."

"But it's perfect-"

"Exactly!" you fume. "This place is perfect, and that's what makes the real world so much better. It's real! It's got flaws, it has mistakes, it's not all as phony as here. There are real emotions and selfishness and everything in between! I'm not perfect, so I don't belong in a perfect place like this. So, no. I won't stay with you."

"What about the answers you were looking for?"

"I'm not willing to sacrifice the life I already have for one I don't remember living," you say.

"And Jimin?"

"He made his choice to stay here. That's his choice. But he hurt his family and Taehyung in the process. I don't want to do the same. I've hurt people enough already. It's about time I put in more consideration about how they feel," you say.

The Other Grandmother's mouth goes small, and she simply examines you for a moment. She sighs, "I was hoping it wouldn't come down to this. Seems like you'll be meeting the same fate as your little friend, then."

She snapped her fingers, and from every crevice and corner of the room emerge rats. Big, hairy rats with red buttons for eyes. You scream, getting out of your chair to scamper away, still clutching tightly to the box, the rats right on your heels. You run up the stairs, up up up to your room, crawling through the tunnel as fast as you can, clutching tightly to the box of clothes.

You feel one catch up, biting your ankle. You scream in pain, kicking it away as you scamper, the small entrance so close yet so far. You jump through, kicking the door shut and keeping your foot firmly planted against it, the door thumping as it attempted to break from its hinges. You grabbed the roll of tape from when you taped it before, putting layer upon later on it until every crack and edge was covered, making it impossible for the rats to push through.

It finally quietened down, and for once your house was completely silent, rats no longer roaming about the attic.

-

"Taehyung! Taehyung!" You had passed out for a few hours, the time you got out of the Other World already being a little past sunrise. By the time you woke up again, it was afternoon. You pound against his door, your hair matted and greasy with oil, pointing in every which direction. You were covered in scrapes and cuts, and the rat-bite fucked you up more than you care to admit. 

"Dear God, woman, have you ever considered letting the guy chase you for once? Seems like you're constantly at my door making demands," he huffs, swinging the door open. "You left me, last night, don't think I didn't notice. I'm not a one night stand kind of guy, but- holy shit, what happened to you?"

"Park Jimin is alive," you say quickly, cutting to the chase. You fumble with the box, opening it. "Are these his clothes? Back when we were eleven?"

"I..." He pulls out the sweater, examining it. "How'd you get this?"

"You won't believe me."

"This is the last thing I ever saw him in. This is what he was wearing the day he disappeared. The day of whatever incident made you lose your memory and lost him for good," Taehyung said. "How did you get this?"

You huff, tears springing your eyes at the confirmation. "Dear God, he's there. He's been there for ten years and-"

"Y/N, calm down! I need you to tell me everything! I mean it!" He brushes his hands over your arms, trying to calm you down. "I'm listening, I'm really listening. Does this... Does this have something to do with the Other World you keep blathering on about?"

You nod pathetically, continuing to sob. "I went. I'm sorry, but I had to go. It was my choice and I know you were against the idea, and they asked me to stay there. Forever. Like Jimin."

"Like Jimin?"

"Yes! Apparently, we had been given the same option ten years ago. I had said yes, and they expected the same this time. To stay there... you know how I told you about the button eyes? You've got to sew buttons into your eyes. They went on about how I'd be provided for, how I'd have Other Tae, and the cherry on top was that Jimin was there too. He had decided to stay in that world all this time, and he isn't dead. He really did just disappear, but not in the sense anyone else would've guessed."

"Wait, so what happened?"

"I said no!" You look up at him, wiping the tears from your face. "I said no because... because this world isn't perfect. Nothing here is, and that's what makes it better. You're here. I promised I wouldn't leave you again, and whatever decision Jimin made is separate from mine."

"What happened? Is that why you're so scruffed up?"

"She just snapped her fingers and I was chased down by rats." You point down to your leg, the rat-bite still evident. "I barely made it out in time."

"Holy shit, we need to get that treated!"

"Taehyung," you interrupt, raising his gaze from your leg to your face. "Do you believe me this time? After everything, do you believe me?"

"I..." He stared down at the sweater in his hand, clutching it tightly. "I think... I do."

You couldn't help but light up at that, a breath of relief as a metaphorical weight was lifted from your shoulders.

"Would you be willing to come with me there, then? Tonight?"

"What? Why? Why me? Shouldn't we stay as far as we can from it?"

"And leave Jimin there with that... that monster? Look what she did to me! My Other Grandmother tried so hard to manipulate me into staying with her, made everything perfect for me, told me she'd tell me the truth about everything with all the answers I'd need, and I didn't grab the bait. I don't trust Jimin with a woman like that. He's bound to have fucked up over the past ten years, especially since he started out at eleven. She made him sew buttons into his eyes! It's about time he came home."

"Y/N... This isn't some cruel prank you're playing on me, is it? It's not you just having delusions and finding some incredulous way to get the exact clothes on the exact day I never saw him again?"

"I've never lied to you, Taehyung. There are too many things that line up, too many coincidences."

You see him contemplating, staring you in the eye, as though waiting for you to confess it was a lie.

"Don't you want him back home?"

"I do! Of course, I do, it's just so much to process. I've believed he was dead for so long, and to find out the Other World that you two talked about when we were little is true. It's a lot to comprehend."

"We can't dawdle on this, Taehyung. The sooner we get him out the better. I'm not doing this for myself anymore. I don't need to find out my past to feel complete anymore- but you and I both know we have to get him out."

"What if he doesn't want to come home, though? He would've returned by now."

"She's a manipulator and liar. I don't doubt that the moment he took her deal she turned on him and made his life a living nightmare. He's probably unable to escape."

"And if we find out he truly doesn't want to?"

"Then... I guess we'll have to face the facts and lock the door for good." You look up tentatively at him. "Are you prepared to accept that fate?"

"I'd be happy to see him one more time. We all just need closure, right? One way or another we'll get it." He examined your injury, a nervous expression on his face. "But are you sure we should go? You're not in the best condition. What if it's worse this time? What if you don't get out?"

"We'll be prepared this time. Besides, I'll have you," you grin, though it doesn't last long. "I'm sorry I didn't do what you asked and left without saying anything. I thought I was moving past that but I guess old habits die hard."

"If we get Jimin back, all is forgiven. Now, let's bandage you up, get what we need, and go. Lord knows this reunion is long overdue."

-

Later that night, you were ready.

The two of you stared down at the little door, still taped tightly. You both had dressed in long sleeves and pants in an effort to make your skin less accessible to rats. Your injuries had been treated thoroughly already, and you kept your backpack close, with a flashlight, a knife, and bandages inside. By his side Taehyung held a baseball bat, wearing special gloves that would help his grip.

"Are you ready for this?" you question. "I wouldn't blame you if you decided to back out."

"I've spent too much time wallowing in self misery. Now that I have hope, I've got to grasp onto it." He holds his hand out, giving you a look of determination. "We're in this together, right?"

"We always were," you say, squeezing his hand. You take in a deep breath, beginning to rip off the tape until you were finally able to open the door. It slowly swung out, and for a moment you were suspecting only brick.

Instead, the dark tunnel laid before you.

"Holy shit..." Taehyung muttered under his breath. "I can't believe it."

"Let's go," you say, crawling through. You felt him behind you as the two of you went through, the tunnel pulsating and moving along with you, as though you were moving inside an intestine. It isn't until you're in the mirror version of your room that you're able to properly stand, feeling a bit less suffocated by the tunnel.

It looked the same, but something was... different. There was no magic in the air, and it was completely silent. Watching... Waiting...

"It really is a mirror of your room," Taehyung noticed. "Does that mean Jimin needed to go through your room to get here? Or did he have his own little door and tunnel?"

"I can't really tell you honestly," you say, brandishing your knife. "Let's go."

The two of you make your way downstairs, you taking the lead.

You were surprised to see Other Taehyung standing before you.

"Y/N!" he said. "You came back!"

"I can't talk right now, where's Jimin?" You show the knife, letting it glint in the light. "I don't want to use this. I need to get in and out. Is he here?"

Other Taehyung holds up his hands in surrender, shocked. "Yes, he's here, but-"

Taehyung follows shortly after you, stopping in his tracks. The two Taehyungs make eye contact, surprised to see each other.

"Is that... me?" Taehyung questions, frozen in place.

"So you brought him," Other Taehyung said quietly. "I was wondering when you'd get around to it."

"I know he's supposed to me and all, but I'm definitely hotter than he is," Taehyung whispers.

You shush him, keeping your attention on Other Taehyung. "Where's Jimin?" you repeat.

"He's here, in the house, but it's not what you thi-"

He's quickly cut off, gasping aloud as he sinks lower and onto his knees. Behind him, the Other Grandmother is revealed, a large pair of scissors in her hands. Down Other Taehyung's back is a large cut, sand pooling out, strings and threads beginning to unravel at the incision. Like your doll.

"Pity, I was rather proud of that one," the Other Grandmother tsked, staring down at the limp body at her feet with disappointment. "He was made to love you- a bit too much it seemed. He forgot his true, underlying purpose." She looks up, staring quizzically at Taehyung. "And I thought I made it clear this young gentleman was never welcome here."

You hold a protective arm out in front of Tae, glaring at the Other Grandmother. You hold the knife out in front of you. "Where's Jimin?"

"Now, why would I tell you something like that?"

Taehyung acts before you can say anything, swinging his bat to hit the Other Grandmother over the head, the scissors flying out of her hand as she hits the floor. He grabs them, spreads them apart, and digs the points on either side of her wrist, trapping her. He stepped on the other hand, grinding his foot down, pressing the fat end of his bat against her head to keep her on the floor. 

"Keep fucking around with us and I'll break every bone in your hands. Tell us where Jimin is!" He twists his foot, earning a particularly harsh yelp from the woman beneath him.

She let out a hiss, gritting her teeth. "Fine! I'll tell you..."

You clench your jaw. "Spill."

"Don't look so glum, darling. You're finally going to get what you want- the answers to what you've been asking yourself all these years."

"I'm listening."

"I'd have to start at the beginning, I suppose," she sighs. "Once, long ago, there were two miserable little kids, Jack and Jill, with souls as pure as their hearts. They were allowed to visit a world crafted just for them. They were miserable and pure, which made their souls ripe for the taking."

"Why wasn't Taehyung offered this paradise, then?" you question. "The year everything went down he was still the same age as us, and very miserable shortly after."

"The boy's soul wasn't as pure. It was tainted. He was a bit of an early bloomer," she explained, hissing.

Taehyung grunted in response. "Glad to know me jerking off at age eleven was enough to keep you away."

"As I was saying, one day Jack and Jill were offered the opportunity to stay there forever. They'd have everything they wanted, away from any worries. All they had to do was give their souls, by sewing buttons into their eyes. After all, the eyes are the windows to the soul."

That explained the buttons.

"Little Jill jumped at the opportunity, but Jack wasn't convinced. He refused and tried to drag little Jill out. This wasn't accepted of course, and in the midst of their escape, Jack, in turn, broke Jill's crown! She hit her head and he had to carry her all the way through the forest! Instead of a hill, however, Jill tumbled down, down, down a well. From the bump on her head or the shock of everything, she was unable to remember even poor Jack's sacrifice to save her from her selfish decision."

"And what happened to Jack?" you questioned.

She simply smirked. 

"He was caught and punished immediately. Even as a kid he was a bit of a pussy, as you kids would say."

"And where is he now? Tell me!"

"His soul was never taken, don't you worry. It must be given by choice, after all." She cackles. "In one way or another, he's gone. You should've stayed away while you could."

"WHERE IS HE?" You demanded. Upon your outburst Taehyung lifted the bat, bringing it down on the Other Grandmother's hand, an audible crack sounding throughout the room.

She screamed, moving her other hand despite the way the scissors cut her skin, snapping her fingers.

Panic filled you as you push Taehyung off, pulling him along. You heard the rats scamper about, hot on your heels once again, and your adrenaline surged through your veins. "Run, run, run!" you scream, the two of you stumbling up the stairs. Taehyung did his best, trying to bat away the rats behind you as you run to your room.

You kicked the door shut behind the two of you, going to the small door, finding it closed. You rattle the knob, trying to open it, but it won't budge.

"Why won't it open?" Taehyung questions, equally panicked.

"I don't know! It's locked!"

"Looking for this?" The Other Grandmother swings the door open, one of the rats crawling up her body to perch upon her shoulder, the key in its little paw. The Other Grandmother grabs it, dangling it in front of you.

"You handle the rats, I'll handle her!" you shout. You keep a firm grip onto your knife, despite the bit of perspiration you've already made. You swing it at her, watching as she dodged. Taehyung, meanwhile, did his best to swing the rats away, batting them and stepping on them as they attempted to crawl up his legs.

"This is for Taehyung!" You take a swing, growling the words out as she dodges. "This is for Jimin!" You reach with your other hand as well this time, aiming for the eyes, pulling out the buttons until all that was left in her eye sockets were string. "And this is for me!"

You finally hit something, and her frail hand is cut clean off, the key inside. You grab for the key, expecting the hand to leak out sand similar to the Other Taehyung. Instead, it bleeds, bone even showing at the stem. She was just as real as you were, it seemed.

"You little brat! After all I've done for you!" the Other Grandmother screams. "I'll kill you! I'll kill all three of you!"

Before you could make a move, the hand jumps up at its own accord, quick to begin crawling up your leg, the long nails digging into your skin. You try to shake it off, swatting at it and keeping the key firm in grip. 

You turn to the blind woman, sinking your blade into her heart, seeing more blood. You kept going, watching her sink down into her hoard of rats, still intent on attacking you from every which direction. You thought the hand would stop moving as well once you killed the source, but it continued, tangling itself in your hair as it tried to drag you to your demise.

"Quick, unlock it!" Taehyung says, having a few rats cling to his clothes already. He didn't have much time left.

"There's no time!" you tell Taehyung. "We've got to-"

You're interrupted by a loud meow and your attention is brought to Mochi, sitting on the windowsill.

Follow the cat.

As though reading your mind, Mochi jumps away, out of sight.

"Taehyung! The window! Jump out of the window!" you tell him, grabbing him and pushing him towards it.

"We're on the second floor!" he protests.

"Just do it! Follow the cat, I'll be right behind you!"

Taehyung does as he's told, disappearing from sight. You turn to the now limp Other Grandmother, finally grabbing hold of the wandering hand and throwing it back at her body. You kick away a few more rats, going to the windowsill before dropping yourself below, grabbing purchase of whatever you could along the way.

Thankfully it wasn't that big a jump, and the moment Tae caught you you let out a sigh of relief. That was until the rats began to jump from the window as well, clearly not intent on letting you go.

You see Mochi begin to scamper off into the woods.

"Follow the cat! Let's go!"

You two are hand in hand, running as fast as you can. You're limping now, one of the rats having caught you and keeping hold onto your leg with its jaw. You scream in agony, refusing to slow down, reaching into your backpack for your flashlight to keep track of the cat.

Mochi guides you until you're staring at the upcoming well.

"We have to jump into the well," you explain to Taehyung. "Jack and Jill, remember?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's another portal! That's how Jimin got me out the first time."

Mochi jumps up onto the edge of the well, taking one last look at the two of you before jumping in, only confirming your suspicions.

You and Tae jump up onto the edge, hand in hand as you turn to look at the hoard of rats, one pale hand riding on top of one.

You close your eyes and jump.

-

You weren't expecting to land on your ass, shooting up from the well and into the woods of the real world. You groan in pain, hissing out.

You jump up though, adrenaline still flowing through you as you find the strength to lift the cover of the well, covering up the top. Finally drained, you collapse on the floor.

"Taehyung?" you groan. "Are you there? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he says, his voice just as strained. "God, let's get those bandages."

You toss your backpack his way, letting him rip off a strip before looking down at your leg that the rat had gotten hold of. Figured it'd be the same leg that had gotten bitten before. You take the role of bandages from Taehyung, ripping a strip from it to tightly wrap around the new bite mark.

There's silence between you two. An air you can't quite place. Disappointment? Sadness? Frustration?

"We didn't get Jimin," you say quietly.

"I know," he responds. 

"Can we ever go back?"

"I..." Taehyung seems to be unable to find a response. Both of you knew that you weren't any match for her. You had come prepared, and while you got answers to certain things, you weren't any closer to finding Jimin. But you almost died, and they'd be more prepared for your arrival than you'd be to attack them again.

Your eyes well up with tears. "We let him down, Taehyung. We lost Jimin. For good this time. And we were so, so close."

"I know."

You sit there, no longer moving, drowning in your feelings. What were you going to do now? You couldn't just give up on Jimin, could you? After all this effort?

"I don't think there's any need for you to go back."

The two of you simply stare in awe at the source of the sound. A handsome young man with long eyes and plump lips. He was a stranger in a sense, but completely familiar.

"Jimin...?" 

Jimin smiles, his pearly teeth showing. "It's good to see you guys again."

Taehyung looks at him in shock, wordless. Slowly getting to his feet, he approaches him, pressing his hand against Jimin's chest. "It's... It's you!"

"Ten years later and I'm still shorter than you, it seems."

Taehyung lets out a guffaw, something between a smile and a look of surprise, and soon enough he's wrapping his arms tightly around Jimin, holding him close to his body as though he were afraid he'd vanish. "Oh my God, you don't know how long I've waited for this moment."

Jimin hugged him tightly as well, burying his face in the crook of Taehyung's neck.

"I've been dreaming of this moment for so long. This is better than anything I could've imagined."

Everyone cries for a moment, and once the two boys break apart, you know it's your turn to properly unite with him.

You scamper to your feet, ignoring the pain as you limp into his arms, enveloping him in a tight hug. "Oh my God, it's- but- wait- how?!"

He pulls away from you, laughing. "When they caught me ten years ago, they refused to let me go, but I refused to sell my soul. As punishment the Baroness, her true title, by the way, turned me into a cat. I traveled in between worlds, though, but was unable to tell you guys what happened."

"Oh my God, you were Mochi? How are you human again, though?"

"You killed the Baroness- that was enough to undo her spell."

"So, that's it, we won?"

"No... You cut her hand off, so it acts on its own by her will. It's going to come back for that key. She's got enough magic in her pinky to redo everything she's done so that she can lure more kids in the future."

"We have to get rid of it, then!" you say, clutching tightly to it. "Or we destroy the hand! Either one."

"Ok, but how?" Taehyung questions. "For all we know it'll strangle us in our sleep."

"Don't worry guys, I've got a plan. I think I've planned for a thousand scenarios where we'd get into this situation- this isn't even the worst one," Jimin laughs. "Just follow along with my plan, ok?"

-

The three of you sit around the well, holding a picnic, a checkerboard cloth covering the top of it as you three dine.

Behind the tree a pale hand hides, its focus solely on the key that was placed in the center. Creeping forward, it needn't bother with the idle chat of the adults, catching up as they reminisce and fill the girl in on all their misadventures from their youth.

Finally, it pounces, landing perfectly in the middle to grasp the key. Before it knew it, however, you were letting the blanket go, grabbing it into a bundle, trapping it.

"Now, Taehyung!" 

Taehyung reaches for the bat he had hidden, repeatedly bashing it into the Baroness's hand as it wriggled around in the cloth. Continuously he hit it until there was no longer any movement, and the cloth was thoroughly soaked in blood.

You unraveled it, taking a look at it. The hand was beaten to a pulp, every bone broken beyond repair. You look over to Jimin. "Think it'll do?"

He nods, affirmative. "Toss it."

You gather it again once more, tossing it into the well, all three of you lifting the cover to seal it shut. The door in your room was already locked and taped up, meaning that all portals were now closed.

You sigh in relief. "Is it over? Like, really over now?"

"If it isn't I think I'm going to go crazy," Taehyung huffs, wiping his brow.

"You think you'll go crazy? I've been a cat for ten years!" Jimin argued.

"You made a very cute cat, Mochi," you joke, petting the top of his head. Jimin preened at the attention, grinning widely.

"Ugh, if you start purring I think I'll be sick," Taehyung grimaced.

"You're just jealous because for once she's paying attention to me instead of you!"

"No way!"

You couldn't help but laugh at the banter. It felt good to have them both at your side, and you had a feeling you would for many years to come. You looked forward to each one. These two boys, all of you had gone through so much together. Hell, it felt like just yesterday you and Taehyung were insulting each other in front of your grandparents. You thought he was just some edgy guy looking to suck the light out of everything, but he was more than that. He was human.

You looked forward to seeing the human sides of both men, letting them see the same. You knew at that moment you truly wanted nothing more, environment influenced or not, than to be with your two best friends.

Meanwhile, deep below, a single finger twitched.

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