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raaorqtpbpdy · 2 years

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Back with my minibang fic chapter 2! Don’t know how I forgot to mention my marvelous beta @wsoupofpain in the last post, but shout out to her!!

(Ch. 1) (chap 3) (chappy 4) (ch five) (six)

BREAKING: NASA Lands Earths First Manned Spacecraft on Mars!

A tragedy following the wake of Danny's disappearance and the strange set of circumstances revealed between five points of view. But how did he get caught in the first place? And where did he go?

Chapter two: Broken Spirits (Read it on AO3)

[TW: unethical science and experimentation, neglectful/bad parenting, asphyxiation]

If the timing is suspicious, the doctors Fenton don't think anything of it. Shortly before Danny's disappearance, agents from the Ghost Investigation Ward came to interview Jazz for an internship she applied for, hoping to further her research in ghost psychology before college in order to be taken more seriously. A mere six days after their son goes missing, the G.I.W. agents return to confirm her internship acceptance and approach her parents about a consulting position in their agency.

Apparently, the G.I.W. managed to get their hands on an exciting and unique new test subject, and though all information about the subject is confidential, they believe the Fentons will be able to provide invaluable assistance during the experimentation phase. Despite the strenuous predicament they find themselves in, it's an opportunity they simply cannot pass up, especially not after the government promises to allocate additional resources to finding their missing son.

Besides, being able to work so closely with their daughter is no small comfort after the disappearance of their other child. After the G.I.W. sets them up with a fully equipped ghost science lab, Jazz wanders in from time to time, a relief every time they see her face. She asks questions about their work which they're more than happy to answer in great detail. If it's odd that she's suddenly taking an interest when she never has before, her parents don't think so.

Although they are brought in as consultants specifically because of the new specimen, the Fentons are never allowed to be in the room while the G.I.W. scientists run tests on it, and the closest they ever come to seeing it are the peculiar samples that get delivered to their lab every few days. The ectoplasm samples collected from the specimen are uniquely pure and powerful, but even more intriguingly, the government scientists have somehow been able to collect blood samples from the specimen.

Obviously such a discovery rocks the Fentons to their cores and they waste no time analyzing the blood samples. In them, there are microscopic ectoplasm molecules, invisible to the naked eye, but nonetheless contaminating every cell. Their instruments show that the ectoplasm has corrupted the DNA until it is unrecognizable as fully human blood and no distinct genetic markers can be identified.

"So you can't tell who this person is?" Jazz asks, and her parents laugh a bit at the idea that their daughter might consider a ghost to be a person.

"It's not a 'who' anymore, sweetie," her mother says. "It would have been interesting to study a ghost's genetic markers, but in the end, it doesn't really matter who it was before it became a monster." If she doesn't seem satisfied with this answer, her parents are too distracted to notice.

The agents and science officers of the G.I.W. ask very different questions. "You're sure this is accurate?"

"Of course," Maddie answers. "I designed these instruments myself, and I have no reason not to trust the data they give me."

"What sort of data do these instruments provide?" asks Dr. H, and when Maddie explains, he asks. "Can you make a similar device for me to use in my own lab?"

She says yes, of course.

"Can you make me a device which can see through a ghost's core, for examination purposes?"

Jack is fascinated by the prospect, and readily agrees.

"What materials do you need?" Dr. H asks.

"Can you make me a scanner that can read the spectral equivalent of brain waves? What sort of data do you lack to design such a device?" Such a tricky request when ghosts don't have actual brains, but Maddie is enticed and enthralled by the challenge. She needs to run tests, experiment on her own terms. "Yes, we can provide you with undamaged test subjects. Work quickly."

"Can you create a vacuum capable of containing ghosts?" Not only can they, but they already have. Proudly, the Fentons show off their ghost weasel and all its amazing functions, capable of sucking up and containing vast numbers of ghosts, completely inescapable. "Not that kind of vacuum," Dr. H interrupts. "I was thinking more along the lines of a vacuum chamber. A closed capsule that mimics the lack of atmospheric conditions on, say, the moon."

"Ooh." Jack and Maddie both grow giddy at the implications.

"You're testing the new specimen's potential status as an extremophile! How absolutely marvelous!" Maddie remarks.

"We have observed at least one ghost going into space without a protective suit or space ship, the one who called himself Plasmius," Dr. H agrees. "It's a line of study that has intrigued us."

"But it stands to reason that this new subject might not be able to survive in the vacuum of space as we have observed other ghosts being able to do, depending on how different it is to standard specters." Dr. H nods, but Maddie has already turned away from him, searching for a pencil to start sketching up designs while her husband grabs their sketchpad of blueprints off a countertop. Whatever else the G.I.W. has to say about the Fentons, they certainly work fast. "We can absolutely make a vacuum chamber that can hold a ghost. We'll get started immediately."

Dr. M is a different kind of scientist than Dr. H, and asks very different questions. She's more focused on ghost theory than getting her hands dirty with ectoplasm samples. "I understand that ectoranium is something of a ghost repellent, and it nullifies most of their uncanny abilities."

"It also causes ghosts immense pain to touch the substance, and releases chemical fumes which weaken them and cause them intense discomfort," Maddie adds, only for the notoriously stern Dr. M to shut down her claims.

"It is the opinion of the Ghost Investigation Ward that paranormal entities such as ghosts are non-sentient and not capable of experiencing pain," she says. "Please reserve such foolish postulations as they will be summarily disregarded, and are thus a waste of time."

"Whatever you say," Maddie responds with a knowing smile, shaking her head. She is sure that the G.I.W.'s official stance on whether ghosts can feel pain is wrong, but they likely stand by it out of legal obligation, so she doesn't bother to dispute it.

"Now, after substantial research," Dr. M continues, "I've concluded that ectoranium either does not occur naturally on Earth, or if it does, no naturally occurring source has, of yet, been discovered, however it can be found on certain comets and asteroids. Would the presence of ectoranium deposits affect a ghost's ability to survive in space?"

"I do not believe so," Maddie answers. "My husband and I have observed that ghost Plasmius in exile inhabiting the surface of an asteroid with a confirmed presence of ectoranium. Our research shows that while ectoranium vastly decreases the efficacy of a ghost's more dangerous abilities, like flight and gravity resistance, intangibility, and telekinesis, it's more innate abilities, like functioning without oxygen or maintaining a consistent shape will remain.

"We've discovered certain other stimulants which can cause a ghost to lose the ability to maintain a consistent form, causing it to dissolve, or become amorphous, however we have not found any way to negate a ghosts ability to function without breathing. That seems to be an immutable fact of their existence. Finding a way to suffocate a ghost is one of my husband's pet projects, I'm sure he'd be willing to enlighten you, if you asked."

"That's quite alright, thank you," Dr. M refuses. "I have more questions for you at the current time."

"Ask away!"

"Do you believe it is possible for a human to somehow gain some of the abilities of a ghost?" Maddie lights up at the question.

"Not only is it possible, my husband and I have seen it happen before!" Running to the computer, she enters her password and searches for the appropriate files, certain that Dr. M will find value in them. "A while ago, in Amity Park, there was an outbreak of ghost flu at the local high school, spread by disease carrying ecto-mosquitoes. Now, ghost flu is utterly amazing as a condition because one of the unique symptoms of ghost flu is exhibiting ghost-like abilities."

"Elaborate," Dr. M requests, as if Maddie wouldn't expound unprompted, though she is already planning to before Dr. M asks.

"Victims of ghost flu were able to use at least one ghostly power, intangibility, gravity resistance, duplication, spectral body manipulation—it's unlike anything I've ever seen, even among ghost related afflictions like ecto-acne."

"Do you think it's possible to synthesize a compound that would elicit that kind of reaction without the illness?" Dr. M asks. "A serum of sorts, or perhaps some kind of device, which could give humans ghostly powers?"

"My husband and I have been working on a few theories about that, using controlled ectoplasm exposure in lab rats. Slowly introducing purified ectoplasm—free of the impurities which cause illnesses like ghost flu and ecto-acne—into their bloodstreams, and analyzing the results.

"I can give you the experimentation logs, but so far we've had limited success. Our working theory is that it has something to do with the rate of ectoplasm exposure. Introducing it slowly, the rats' bodies fight the ecto-infection too quickly for it to take effect. The next stage of our experiments is to increase the dosage. We've tried a few times, but found that too high of a dose kills the rats instantaneously. Although it does create ghost rats, it does not create living rats with ghost powers.

"We put the experiments on hold when we came to work in this facility, but now that I'm on the subject, I'm curious to see if we can further this experiment with the information gleaned from the new specimen's blood samples."

"I encourage you to further these experiments posthaste, and report your findings," Dr. M says stiffly. "The G.I.W. is most interested in such experiments. If you require anything to effectively conduct these experiments, do not hesitate to ask."

"Of course!" As with every other question and request, Maddie is more than happy to carry out Dr. M's suggestion, and when she brings it up to her husband later, he enthusiastically agrees. If Dr. M's intentions are worrying, the Fentons don't concern themselves with them.

"Excellent," Dr. M says, and starts to leave.

"Wait!" Maddie stops her. "I know it's not really your department, but do you know if the investigators have made any progress in finding our son?"

"That's not my department," Dr. M says. "If you wish, I can request that the appropriate staff member be directed your way to answer any questions you may have about the investigation."

"Yes please, that would be wonderful," Maddie agrees. "My husband and I will resume the experiments we were talking about right away!"

"Affirmative." With that, Dr. M leaves the lab and Maddie walks over to the workbench they've designated for anti-ghost weaponry to talk to her husband about the experiments to give living creatures ghostly abilities. Just as she suspected, her husband is thrilled at the prospect of returning to those particular experiments with the full support and financial backing of the government.

They waste no time in procuring rats to use as test subjects and working on a way to combine pure ectoplasm with the contaminated blood sample. With the both of them working full time on the compound they synthesize a test dose by the end of the day, and inject the first rat to see the results the next morning.

The following day they're excited to see that the rat's once-brown coat is pure white, and its eyes glow yellow, though there is no corpse in the cage. When the agent comes into the lab to report to the Fentons about the investigation regarding their son, Jack is testing the Rat's reaction to the ghost proof cage and Maddie has just taken the first blood sample and is diluting it in a test tube.

"Agent Q!" Jack's booming voice announces when the man walks through the door. "Any news about our boy?"

"Yes," Agent Q reports, stone-faced and emotionless as always. "It is with regret that I have come to inform you that your son's body was found dead on the shores of Lake Eerie." His monotone voice cuts through the air in the lab like a scalpel and the Fenton parents can only stare in shocked silence. "There was evidence of him being attacked by wild animals, before reaching the lake, but the coroner has determined the cause of death to be drowning. There is no evidence of foul play. It appears the incident was a... tragic accident. Your daughter has agreed to go to the morgue to confirm the identity of the body so as not to take you away from your work, but we are quite sure it is your son. He has the same birthmark."

The silence of the lab is broken by a distant scream in the direction of Lab '05-∆Φ, where the new specimen is undergoing experiments. It sounds like Phantom's ghostly wail, like the screams of a dying child. They can't help but wonder if their boy—if Danny screamed like that before he died. And if the story is unlikely, the parents are too distraught to question it.

A teardrop drips from Maddie's face into the test tube she's holding, and the solution bubbles over. With a gasp, she lets it go, and it plunges toward the ground.

When she drops it... it shatters.

#human experimentation tw #unethical science tw #mentioned child death #asphyxiation tw #parental neglect tw #danny phantom #dp #maddie fenton #jack fenton #guys in white #invisobang 2022 #fic #breaking: nasa lands earth’s first manned spacecraft on mars #chapter 2 #things i wrote

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anbroids · 9 months

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UHAVE NO IDEA the 3 davejakers that are out there are starving and dying off... if u were to make anything for them i would definetly give it a read :] i really like your work so im really interested what exactly youd have for them in mind and how messed up it would be if at all (since you already Get the nature of these two existing as a thing at all lol)

AHHH THANK YOU ANON <3 the davejake ecosystem is so very small… i salute you brave davejakers. i hope i can do them some justice. i'm going to talk endlessly in the read more about my thoughts.

dave and jake are both such passive guys who Unwillingly End Up In Situations (in contrast to john for example who Ambivalently Ends Up In Situations. i think that fact that dave and jake are both particularly resistant to the situations they end up in makes them really interesting to study like specimens) so all this being said. i definitely would like to torture them just a little. for fun.

i think part of what makes them so hard to mash together (not taking their respective relationships in canon into account. cough cough. i can't remember who was the one who said this but davejake is essentially dirk strider on suicide watch etc) is how conflict avoidant they are. dave for the sake of dodging emotionally vulnerable situations where he has to drop his paper thin coolguy nonchalant act and jake for the sake of people pleasing and not ending up in any high stress or emotionally taxing situations. (however i think they end up doing BOTH... jake doesn't want to drop his paper thin silly adventure guy act either, but he will do so more willingly than dave might, and dave also doesn't want too end up in any high stress emotionally taxing situations, but he will rise to the occasion and grin and bear it sooner than jake might)

so it's less a matter of: would dave and jake work out and more: how would they even TRY anything in the first place more meaningful than a "spontaneous hookup" they can both pretend means nothing more than that. how would they even TALK about it. so i think the real challenge about writing them is like... what is the situation in which the conflict avoidance is pushed to the absolute breaking point where they are left with no choice. i think that's kind of fun and fucked up. i like how dysfunctional it is and i would like to stick my fingers in the mess like play dough.

i also think comparing dave and jake's relationship to autonomy extends into an interesting examination of the page and the knight class. in which the knight seems like an active class but it's actually a passive one and the page seems like a passive class but it's an active one. both classes, and for both dave and jake, hinge on the involvement of Other People and in one way or another end up in a kind of acquiescent role. players in general are obliged to "help" the page class reach its full potential, therefore the autonomy of the page class is thrust into the hands of whoever takes this task on and what that potential might be + how it must be useful for the session, and knights function AS the help and solely as the help so the autonomy of the knight hinges on whoever that might be and whatever situation comes along they can service. neither is really fully just. calling their own shots. despite being in different "roles" as technically player serving or self serving. i think that is so interesting. and i would like to strip those themes down to the bone and shove them inside some au situation.

the idea i'm playing with is like. soooo loosely based on the premise of the show maniac. which i did not even finish i literally just enjoy the plot set up and the themes. the psychological horror of being test subjects to an experimental psychiatric drug and simulated therapy program. technology and medicine taking your feelings and humanity and crushing it into data and becoming a plaything to mess around with. simulation and reality becoming indistinguishable as well as the emotions that come with it. i think i would like to see dave and jake, down on their money and luck as emotionally repressed roommates who mutually won't let the other see any other side of themselves than they surface level performance, agreeing to participate as human test subjects in a drug and therapy treatment (for each of their own complicated personal reasons) with the vague intention of "serving as a tool to help people and relationships". and then i would like the test to subject them to what essentially becomes a weird game of survival where they have to perform various cooperative tasks in sync at the cost of their "simulated" lives in kind of a sterile, isolated sci fi setting. the homoeroticism of being two guys alone in the middle of vast, desolate space sort of thing. maybe i just like space shuttles ok. and without giving too much away it allows them to have way too much of an intimate understanding of each other's thoughts and feelings than a human ever should let alone these guys could handle. and then i would like to watch them be extremely abnormal about this and lose their minds a little (a lot) and handle it terribly. WOOOOOOOOO! so yeah i wasn't kidding when i said i wanted them to be rats i trap in a cage together and see what happens.

#ask #THANK YOU FOR THE ASK ANON always happy to monologue tirelessly about this stuff so thank you for asking >:]#text

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husbandohunter · 3 years

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Moments of Despair #2 [Genshin Impact/Albedo x Reader]

Synopsis: "The alchemist who relished in his gifts only to fall from grace."

(A series of works where the boys deal with the passing of their beloved).

Diluc’s despair

Warnings: angst, tragedy, major character death and psychological horror (correct me if otherwise)

(A/n): I decided to take a slightly different approach this time. Regardless, it’s still killing my heart TwT.

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Out of the many wonders of Teyvat, one thing Albedo loved most was how you were so different from him.

Difference ties to the unknown, one that must be discovered. He was drawn to you the first time he had laid his eyes upon your form standing at the heights of Mondstadt's cathedral. The Sisters scolded you from below, but all you did was reply with a wink amidst their chaos before soaring into the skies and letting the wind carry your glider. Reckless they said. For him, your recklessness was intriguing.

As the sun's light blinded his vision, everything he saw seemed like a glass barrier. For the ground was where he thrived and chalk was his core, it became the basis of Albedo's very existence. Even the geo Archon granted him a Vision of the same element to affirm his identity. The earth will forever be attached to his feet as he will keep on his stride until every last truth of Teyvat have all been realized. You, on the other hand, hailed from a place where he couldn't quite reach. What lies beyond this glass ceiling? Albedo found himself gradually holding onto a string of curiosities, a string he could touch but was not able to feel.

'Interesting,' he thought quietly, while the breeze slip between the fingers of his outstretched hand.

He was a character of logic, possessing sharp eyes that could pierce through the depths of the most complex formulas and a mind to predict their outcomes- as long as alchemy was still related. All impossibilities thrown in his way only paved a path for him to become the well known genius he was now. Whether it was alchemy or investigations with the Knights of Favonius, Albedo never failed to deliver the answers. But despite it all, he always found himself endlessly contemplating over things that were considered intangible. He wonders why you smile when there was nothing to laugh about. How could you tell between the complexities of the human heart? Albedo can't seem to put a finger on it.

'Why? What drives you? What are you thinking?'

The Chief Alchemist couldn't resist being fascinated by your unpredictability. It reels him in similar to a fish being baited out of the waters. However, unlike those creatures, Albedo only tightened his grip on the strings as if they were a lifeline, determined to find out what they truly felt like to the touch.

"I can't really say it's much of an answer," you hummed, clasping both hands behind your back before declaring with a grin, "To put it simply, you just gotta follow your heart."

'Follow your heart...' What does it mean to follow your heart?

"I'm afraid I still don't understand," he replied in a thoughtful manner. The statement never really resonated with him and it certainly weren't the words his Master taught when he was in the early stages of being created, "But it does suit you very much."

"Really? But still bring your head with you," a playful laugh escapes and you add while pointing a finger, "At least, it's what everyone tells me these days."

"Hm," Albedo then affirms with a nod, "I can definitely see why they would tell you that."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"

The days go by and his repetitious march towards the truth remains the same. However, there was never a dull moment when you were at his side. Perhaps that was the reason why Albedo became so attracted to your aura. The way you'd follow around his experiments, eyes so full of enthusiasm at every step of the activity. Sometimes the events can get a little too out of hand in which he needs to step in and save you from getting stuck in slime condensates...constantly. Albedo grew fond of your childlike excitement even when you weren't entirely sure what was going on. He normally distanced himself from socializing as it never sparked his interest. Frankly, he was too much of a genius for mundane conversations. Your presence was rather refreshing in this case. You were an oddball, just like him, and for once the alchemist felt like he didn't need to place that glass barrier between the two worlds.

"You seem to be in a very good mood today Mister Albedo."

He was a man of subtle expressions yet anyone could notice the small gleam in his eyes whenever he saw you walking in the hallway. Sucrose often remarked with a giggle after she noticed her teacher holding his documents upside down. But who could blame him? Joy, fun, laughter. He was able to experience those emotions all because of you; his beloved. You were the colour to his canvas and the meaning to his flower. You were a force of nature. Like a warm breeze gracing upon the terrestrial lands, you move him.

Thump- thump- thump-

Strings around his world began to weave one whole picture while they also tugged inside his chest. God had finally blown the breath of life into mankind's body, it was only a matter of time before Albedo came to follow his heart too.

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"Alright, just one more detail aaaaand done!"

You gave a small tap using the tip of your pencil and leaned back to examine your artwork.

Masterpiece!

On days when Katheryne had no commissions assigned to the guild, Albedo would accompany you to the Whispering Woods and conduct his sketches there instead. He was aware of the discomfort Dragonspine brought as the temperature wasn't ideal for anyone except for him. You eventually learned that your lover was not only intelligently different from the rest but physically too. Albedo, aside from the Cavalry Captain, was mysterious in his own way. He was hard to read yet never came off as intimidating, no one knew of his origins nor they knew how he came to Mondstadt. You wondered why someone like him would have wanted to get involved with your shenanigans. Rosaria often gave warnings regarding the alchemist's 'hidden intentions' in which you'd roll your eyes in response. The Albedo you knew was far from that. He was a big brother to Klee, a man passionate about his work, he was the one golden star among the many silvers in your sky. He was your lover.

My Albedo.

Brushing a hand upon the drawing you made of him, you glided down the lines of his cheek before resting your finger on the mark by his neck. You gazed at it with fondness. Truly a masterpiece indeed.

"You do realize I'm still here?"

The paper nearly flies out of your grasp and you snatched it back to your chest, "HUH A-ALBEDO, WHEN DID YOU APPEAR???"

"I was with you the whole time," he states. The corner of his lip tug upward ever so slightly, "You said you wanted to sketch me."

"A-Ahahaha, so I did," you reply while scratching your head bashfully. 'I thought I was looking at a sculpture!!' You rushed to cover your face with the sheet. It wasn't that you forgot he was there, rather, you forgot he was still a living and breathing specimen who just witnessed your little serenade. As Lisa had once said, Albedo was easy on the eyes. His graceful features made him seem almost like an oil painting that could only be found in halls of the most prestigious households. You made sure to capture everything, every detail, every curve just like he had done with your portraits. Only now you noticed the sun already began its descent below the lakeside, dusting the landscape with hints of bright orange as it marked the day's end. If only time could slow down. But duty calls upon your next journey and there was no telling when you'd return. At the very least, a simple portrait would suffice to fill in the temporary gap of his absence.

"Can I see it?"

You glanced his direction while keeping the drawing close to your nose, "Are you sure about that? It might not be up to your expectations."

"I'm sure," Albedo affirms with a straight countenance, "I can already tell you've put a great amount of effort, otherwise you wouldn't have taken this long."

"Yeeaahh I kinda lost track of time. I guess it's only fair that you get to see the finished product," you say and shoved the drawing in front of him, "Tada! I present to you, my masterpiece!"

Albedo takes it out of your grasp and you watched the way his eyes expanded upon sight.

"Well? Whaddya think?"

Words could not describe the mixture of emotions that erupted within him. Was it distinguishable or abstract? Albedo spent his time pondering between the two answers as he examined the drawing closely. Despite the lines being slightly jagged and the unevenness in the placement of his eyes, he managed to make the shape of the entire image you were trying to convey. Perhaps it was all thanks to his well trained artistic vision which gave him the ability to do so. Or maybe he was simply biased. But there wasn't a shred of doubt that this was indeed your craftsmanship.

"You even added flowers in the background," he pointed out with amusement.

"It's the thing you make when using your elemental burst, I couldn't fit your hand in the picture so I decided to put it somewhere empty," you informed, "Out of everything, that one took me the longest."

"And the rabbits?"

"They resemble Klee's bombs!"

He lets out a chuckle, "I see."

Albedo kept his attention downward until he was mindlessly staring at the paper in hand. This was a memory made to be carried as you moved on to your next journey and it saddens him that he could not accompany you. If only time slowed down. Albedo wanted to hold onto the memory forever, because he knew once he gave it back, he wouldn't be able to see you for an uncertain amount of time.

"Do you really have to go?"

His voice was barely above a whisper. Guilt crept into your heart and you gingerly layed your fingers on his gloved ones, bringing down the paper that blocked his face. A pair of teal orbs held a reflection of your image as the sun's rays casted from the side. You returned it with a reassuring grin, hoping to soothe his worries somehow, "I just need to pay a visit to my father since he's been very sick lately. I'll be fine, so don't worry too much okay?"

Albedo turns over his palm and gave your hand a squeeze, "How long will it take?"

"I'm not sure but it will be a while. Snezhnaya is pretty far so..." you trailed off, "But my time in Mondstadt, with Klee and with you, I will never forget! I won't even if I tried."

When you were met with no answer, a breeze came in to fill the melancholic silence. He too will not forget and he would ensure that it was the same for you. Slowly, Albedo brought your hand up, past the center of his heart all the way to cupping his cheek. He allowed himself to indulge in your warmth, tangling the strands of his hair with your fingers while closing his eyes. Sweet flowers. You always carried the smell of sweet flowers.

"Albedo?" You gawked, "What's the matter?"

"...There are certain aspects where drawings can't imitate," he says, grip tightening ever so slightly, "How I feel against your skin, the shape of my jaw, your warmth radiating with my own. These are the things I want you to remember."

Breath leaves your slightly parted mouth. It was unfair how straightforward Albedo could be when showing his affection. Doing as he pleases without anyone's approval to the point it would even catch you off guard since he often absorbed himself in the arts of alchemy. But during times when Albedo did choose to express his feelings, you knew they came from a place of pure genuinity. The thought made it hard for you to tear away from him, "Did you ever find out what the strings felt like then?"

Albedo returns his gaze, long golden lashes hovering them as he smiles softly, "...I have."

As he began to reveal his stories, the dusk sky continued to flare across the landscape with colours of passion. Red, it was the thread that had led him to you, the same string that weaved him together as a whole. Albedo lays a kiss atop of your pinky, there was a reason why Mondstadtians called him the Chalk Prince. You didn't know the intention behind his sudden affection but he knew. It was a promise, one to ensure that the thread would also have you return safely back into his arms.

Oh how he hated the colour red.

"Al...bedo..."

With speed he never knew he had, Albedo scoops you into his embrace and held you close. How did everything happen so fast? He curses his mind as it proceeds to scan your injuries, drawing a conclusion where he wished to be wrong for once:

You were beyond help.

"Ah..haha..." you managed to laugh through bitter tears, "You don't have to say it. I know."

His breath hitches, trying to make sense of the feeling that was slowly tearing him apart from the inside. It's not real. Of course it wasn't, it couldn't be. What other possible answer was there to explain the numbness stinging his fingers? The reason for his shaking? Everything felt so cold. Your body hardly registered to his to touch, you were losing so much blood. You were losing. He was going to lose you.

"No," Albedo shakes his head, "We still have time. I'll go find help."

Please, hold on.

He forced himself to think. The ruin hunter ran off shortly after it had ambushed you, by now the Knights would eventually noticed and apprehended it on sight. They couldn't be too far. All he needed was to carry you back to safety and everyone can go home. Albedo darted his eyes all over the place, breaths becoming shallower with each passing second. Where? Where to go? Which route was best to not overexert your wounds? Think. Think. Think. Why couldn't he think?

"A..." You watched him in your helpless state. Every part of you throbbed with pain but it pains you even more to see the renowned genius who stood atop the pedestal of elegance and grace so utterly, undoubtedly lost. This was not the goodbye you wanted, though death already had you tight in their grasps. Not yet. Using the last particle of your strength, you tried to stay alive as long as possible. Just a little bit more time.

Albedo freezes when a trembling hand extends itself to cup around his cheek. Every single thought he had in mind vanished and was replaced by a loud ring resonating in his ears. Dreadfully, mechanically, he turns his attention to where you lay.

"Don't cry," you whisper, "I love you, don't cry- okay?"

Albedo grimaces, shutting his eyes closed as he allows the pent up sadness to flow out of him completely, "I can't," he said in a shaky voice, "Please. Stay."

"I'm sorry," Your vision blurs and he hugs you even more. Drawing your final breath, you relay your most cherished words through a broken smile, "But no matter w-where I go...I won't for..ge.."

The moment your hand fell, Albedo finally understood the difference between death and loss.

It was...suffocating. Having the air trapped in his throat, begging to release yet it hurts to speak. The never ending stabs that pulsed within his veins rushed forth like the scraping blizzard of Dragonspine until his whole body lost all its senses. The world was shattering. He could no longer feel your weight. He could no longer feel.

(Y/n).

Albedo glances at his blood stained fingers where the thread had been severed, wide eyes drowning in sorrow. What a horrible feeling. Was this a warning sent by the gods? For stepping into the boundaries of knowing too much? Ah the curse of knowledge man must bear when eating the temptatious fruit. It was the result of choosing to love you. With life, death is inevitable and with love, it will eventually bring pain. Everything had a price to pay and as an alchemist, Albedo knew that better than anyone.

"...Meaningless..."

But he refused to accept it.

Cradling your corpse, he leans in and places a kiss on your forehead, lips quivering as they lingered for a second too long before gathering the strength to stand back on his feet. Nothing will stop the alchemist from reuniting with you. If the laws wished to take you away from him then he will use everything in his power to fight against those laws.

"This is not goodbye..." Albedo said to the sleeping girl, "And it will never be."

When the sun sinks below the plains and the stars lose their light, the sky had been replaced with a palette of darkness. It was time to go home.

------

"Have you all heard about the rumours?"

A group of knights gather in the corner as they whisper about. Sucrose stops on her tracks and hides behind a wall, clutching the book close to her chest in an attempt to stay hidden.

"Another criminal disappeared from the dungeons? Crazy..."

"More like creepy. I was told that place might be haunted by some dead prisoner's ghost. Even the Church is hopping onto this case."

"Well I hope it doesn't get any worse. So many of us started going on night patrols..."

Their voices faded out of range as the anemo user backtracks her steps carefully. Several months passed since the news of mysterious kidnappings have been announced to the public. Rumours of their whereabouts swirled around the city and much to her discomfort, Sucrose happened to catch every single one of them. There couldn't possibly be evil spirits lurking in the Favonious Headquarters right? She silently shrieks at the thought, shaking her head furiously to stop her mind from going too deep. No, I have to find him. Without wasting another minute, the anemo user sprinted towards the stairs all the way up to the second floor before stopping directly in front of her teacher's office. Despite the adrenaline that occured at the same time, she made sure to knock.

No answer.

"Strange, he told me he would be here today..." Sucrose muttered to herself. But suddenly she heard the sound of objects shifting from the otherside, signaling that there was indeed someone occupying the room. Without realizing, she held her breath out of anticipation.

"Come in."

The door creaks as she opens them, giving her enough space to slip between the gap, "Mister Albedo?"

"You're early today," The Chief Alchemist noted from his desk, "Is there something the matter?"

"Y-You mean you don't know? There was just another case about a person disappearing from the dungeons," Her tone became more frantic as she rambled to herself, "The kidnapper never leaves a trace and no one knows how they were able to get out. Even when we ask the guards what happened, they can't seem to remember as if...as if someone casted a spell on them!"

"A spell?" He inquires, "I suppose that could be a possibility."

"I think so too. I-It's the only explanation that makes sense! I mean...ghosts don't exist after all," Sucrose nervously looks down at her shoes while giving her book a squeeze, "But why? Who could be capable of such advanced techniques? No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to understand their intentions."

"...Yes. It is a very strange occurrence indeed."

Noticing her teacher's withdrawn attitude, Sucrose couldn't help but feel flustered at her own behaviour, "Ah my apologies Mister Albedo, I didn't mean to go off track. Have there been any progress on the investigations so far?"

Albedo briefly glanced at the various documents splayed across his table. His reputation as an incredibly intelligent individual had reached far and wide through Mondstadt. This led to the authorities requesting his assistance regarding the recent matters, despite him specializing in the alchemical field, he was also the Captain of their Investigation Team. Although, Albedo detested partaking in things he deemed irrelevant to his research;

"I'm afraid I would need more evidence to draw a conclusion."

"Eh? You still need more?"

He could not deny that the given authoritative position had provided much benefits to his own accord.

"My expertise lies in the subject of alchemy," Albedo reasoned and proceeds to intertwine his fingers in front of his mouth, "Humans on the other hand, are very unpredictable in nature. Even the essence of their existence is hard to obtain."

"Essence of their existence?" Sucrose repeated softly. She wanted to ask what he meant but the blank expression was evident enough to signal his impatience. At least, that was what she thought, "Nevermind! I have something that might help," taking out a slip from her textbook, she handed it to him, "It's the report Captain Kaeya gave me. He said that the culprit might be a traitor coming from the Knights of Favonius."

He narrows his eyes.

"I-I think he might be right! Just think about it, we haven't found anything at all for the past few months but when we do, I sometimes feel like we're just running in circles...oh what if it's becau-"

"Sucrose."

"Y-Yes?!"

Albedo calmly looks at the flustered girl, not realizing how sharp his tone was, "You're overthinking again. Perhaps it's best that you take this day off."

"But I came here to help," she insisted, "I know it hurts to lose someone you love! Don't you understand that we're all worried about you? And Klee, she..."

"..."

"Please Mister Albedo, if there's anything I could do-"

"No need," he cuts her off once again, "Your stress levels are too high. We can't go any further if you continue to act like this."

"Oh," her ruby eyes casted to the side, "I understand..."

"Good. Now, if you would excuse me," Albedo bid her farewell and watched as the door clicked behind her, observing every detail until he was sure that the absolute silence had returned. He picks up Kaeya's document. Such remarkable handwriting. But of course, appearances are only meant to be displayed on the surface for the Captain was a sly man, wearing a mask to shield what lies underneath. Just like his letter, they were full of innuendos and condensed meanings, orchestrated together until the truth spoke loudly to Albedo himself.

"So, that's what he thinks."

Perhaps the alchemist should have been a little more discreet.

--------

There was a certain place in Dragonspine that no one dared to enter. But those who have, they never return.

"Hm, no response. Now as for the next step..."

And he was the reason why.

Taking the sword out of the transmutation circle, Albedo turned to the snowy hill nearby and activated his alchemy. A small portion of it dissipates, revealing a trench that went so deep underground that even warmth couldn't outplay the sheer cold. It was the perfect hiding place for the evidence to lay out of sight and an environment where only he could handle. The alchemist tossed the leftover along with the others before exiting quietly, summoning back the ice to bury his victims once again. Another day, another experiment, another stain goes to his title. The path he walked upon was one littered with corpses and the sins he committed. But despite the bones crunching beneath his feet and the weight of the dead hanging on his shoulders, the alchemist was numb to it all. Like an entity floating in space with nothing to hold, he became unable to feel.

"I'm back," When reaching the center of Starglow Cavern, Albedo puts his hand on the icicle and caressed it's hard cold surface, "Did you sleep well?"

The girl did not respond. Her eyes were closed and her skin was as young as ever. She was frozen in time.

"You must have."

Albedo felt the sword beginning to shake in his grasp as it resonated with his energy. Dust particles emitted from the hilt and slowly made their climb to the side of his arm. Still, Albedo's attention did not waver, "To this day, I've been thinking about what you told me the first time we met."

"..."

"Follow your heart. I couldn't understand it at first but after being around your presence, I believe I can finally recognize what that term means."

He closes his eyes as he envisioned your lively form running across the landscape. Albedo, Albedo! The sound of his name was mixed with your laughter while Klee came into the scene and caught the dandelions with you. A content smile formed on his countenance as he watched from afar, even if it was just a memory, "It's everything. The breakfast we ate together, to the nights spent camping outside, and the silly moments we shared, they bring all these colours that I never knew existed."

"..."

Albedo curls his fingers against the ice as he continues to lament, "Perhaps that's why I began noticing the strings around me. The closer I was to answer, the more I felt it was necessary to discover what they are. All this time, you were the answer I was searching for," Moist begins to build up in his eyes but they freeze up once reaching the corners. How cruel. Despite what he went through, he wasn't even granted the liberty to cry, "Because with you, I'm able to feel them."

He wonders what you would think if you saw him right now. Albedo peers at his reflection casted on the crystalline surface, the frame of his face had been decorated with streaks of purple and red, spreading out like tree branches as they both fought for dominance. The teal coloured orbs you once adored were beginning to transform to a colour that reminded him of his darkest days. This was Albedo's true nature- a monster, a being that wasn't human, the essence in which you never had the chance to see.

"I know I may not be the same as I was before," he added, "But if that is what it takes to follow your heart, will you let me feel the strings again?"

Would you still love me the same?

"..."

"If so, then please understand my actions," Albedo takes a step back as he held out the sword in front of him. At last, the preparations have finally been completed. He plunges the blade to the ground with full force and the surrounding area begins to shake under the power accumulated through many, intentional sacrifices. To revive the dead was a forbidden art as it came with heavy consequences. If it weren't for Albedo's talent and quick wit, the process would have consumed him long before executing the last stage. He winces, the pain was excruciating. It was hard for him to ignore the sound of his skin cracking below his ears and all the way to his nose as they fall off in the shape of small rock-like chunks. Everything hurt so much that even death sounded like a sweet dream but Albedo couldn't afford to give up. He had already come this far, his hands completely washed with sin and his reputation already broken beyond repair, Albedo had nowhere else to go. This was his last destination.

"Soon-" he pants between choked breaths. Soon your eyes will open. He could drown in your embrace, one that was warm and not cold. Soon he will be able revive those cherished memories from a frozen past. It was all he could think of right now. Your existence was the reason why a part of him felt whole and your death made him realize how painful it was to tear away those pieces. Albedo refused to let go of those pieces, they had already become a part of him. And if this path ended up tearing him even more, then so be it.

"I should have stopped you the moment you were born."

The intruder snapped him awake and he swung around to where they stood. But before Albedo could make out who it was, they lunged past him with incredible speed, kicking the sword off the ground while severing his two arms once and for all. They flew to the side, blood dyed purple trickling from the edges of his joint as he struggled to stay upright.

"Dains...leif..."

Dainsleif watched the alchemist fall onto his back as the light around him slowly faded away. He turned his gaze to where the objective was and noticed a girl encased within the ice. The man sighs out of relief when she shows no signs of life, he came just in time, "So this is how it ends."

Albedo weakly stared at the blonde man. He attempted to say something but the blood caught in his mouth prevented him from that.

"Save your breath, you won't be having any," Dainsleif remarks in a cold manner and glared at his bloodied form, "The renowned Chief Alchemist of Mondstadt and an important member of Ordo Favonious. Hmph, what an interesting turn of events. Out of everyone, I never thought you were the type to act so foolish."

Foolish...what a foreign name to be called as. He never heard anyone tell him he was foolish.

"Truly a pity," With a flick of a wrist, Dainsleif brought his sword to Albedo's neck. It was unbelievable how he had the endurance to go through all that pain while still breathing at this point but what is there to be expected from a monster? "Remember that all actions have consequences."

The alchemist watched as his life flashed before him, the weight of his sins had finally caught up. He had always seen the world as a platform for his objectives and results were merely a natural cause after attempting many experiments. But death as a consequences was an unbearble realization upon his final moments. He abandoned his title, his pupil and his dearest sister. In the end, he was still unable to fulfill his duty.

"I just..." Albedo mumbled, his words slurring together, "wanted..."

As the ashes turn to ashes and dust becomes dust, chalk returns to the earth, forever yearning a place that can never be reached.

#genshin impact #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact scenarios #albedo #albedo x reader #genshin albedo #genshin impact albedo #genshin x reader #genshin scenarios #genshin headcanons #genshin imagines #genshin impact imagines #nya-writes #dainsleif #genshin impact dainsleif #sucrose

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virovac · 3 years

Text

Nature of Ghouls

Lovecraftian Xenology #3: Ghouls [by Leila Hann Before continuing with Carter and the Pussycats, I'm going to be taking a closer look at the creatures that made their debut in "Pickman's Model" before receiving their official name here in "Dream-Quest." This is going to be a tricky one. Reading "Pickman's Model" in isolation gives you a very strong impression of the ghouls, what they are, and where they come from. However, reading it alongside the other, earlier Dreamlands tales - particularly "Celephais" and "The Festival" - one walks away with a completely different interpretation. As for their reappearance in "Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath," well. On one hand "Dream-Quest" does silly things with other stories' continuities and perhaps should be best ignored. On the other, in the case of the ghouls, "Dream-Quest" not only expands on them in much greater detail than their debut story ever did, but is also the source of their official name. As such, I'm going to be taking the continuity approach, and looking at the ghouls within the framework of the Dreamlands series as a whole. The funny thing about "Pickman's Model" is that while the narrator is probably reliable, he's mostly relaying information that he learned from Richard Pickman, who seems to be much less so. As I noted while reading that story, there's a very obvious disconnect between the actions that Pickman depicted the ghouls performing in his art - particularly the "Subway Accident" piece - and what they could have possibly really done. Throughout his presentation, Pickman comes across as very much a showman, trying to create fear and horror in his audience and reveling mean-spiritedly in his success. Then, there's the detail of him interacting with the ghoul who tried to walk in on him and the narrator in the same way that a circus animal-tamer would with an unruly beast; not at all what you'd expect from a man who's trying to talk down a sapient, malevolent, possibly transhuman demon. As such, I think we need to take Pickman's art with a hefty grain of salt when it comes to inferring things about his models. This is supported by the ghouls' appearance in "Dream-Quest." They are described as hideous, frightening, and generally unpleasant, but they don't seem to be all that dangerous (unlike the zoogs, who are said to be dangerous to MOST people besides Carter, the ghouls don't even get an aside to this effect). Other than their antisocial habit of eating bodies from cemeteries that the deceased's friends and families would probably rather stay in their coffins, they really don't seem so bad. As far as the stories have reliably communicated, the ghouls are thieves and desecrators, but not the murderers and causers of disaster and misfortune that Pickman would want us to believe in. In fact, everything about the ghouls, from their appearance to their diet to their penchant for tombstones, scary noises, and dark, underground spaces, says that they aren't a force of destruction so much as one of horror. And, looking at "Pickman's Model" from that angle, we can definitely see how Pickman was helping them grow stronger in their element. Camel Spiders and Harnessed Horrors There's an animal called a solifugid, also called a pseudoscorpion or a camel-spider, that came to the western public's attention some time ago. Its a scary-looking arachnid, and one that you could easily believe was deadly if you saw it. Solifugids are mostly nocturnal, and so when they're forced to venture out of their lairs during the day they prefer to stick to the shadows...including the shadows of people, which they will chase after for that purpose. They're fast enough to keep up with a running human, and the rubbing of their legs when they move creates a squealing noise that could easily be mistaken for an aggressive vocalization. They also are always on the lookout for soft fibers to line their nests with; they got the name "camel spider" by being seen climbing on the bodies of dead or sleeping camels to cut off bits of their hair. In some cultures, this association was so great that people came to believe that the solifugids had actually killed the camels themselves. Less commonly, solifugids will crawl up onto the head of a sleeping human for similar hair-stealing operations. More than one American soldier sleeping in a tent in Iraq or Saudi Arabia has been woken up by a six inch specimen crawling across their face to see it opening its deadly-looking mouthparts just below their hairline. The solifugid is also completely harmless. In fact, its one of the only members of the arachnid class to have no venom whatsoever. It can even be a beneficial creature to have around, as it preys heavily on other arachnids including spiders and scorpions that actually are dangerous. During the early to mid 2000's, there was a rash of hoaxes about solifugids growing to lobster-size, being venomous, and even using a fictitious numbing agent to paralyze sleeping humans so they can slowly disembowel them alive. Someone was finding a misanthropic delight in taking this creature, which seems to have been practically designed by nature for this purpose with its appearance and habits, and crafting it into an instrument of irrational fear. This fear didn't come from nowhere, mind. The legend of the camel-spider harnesses the very rational human fears of venomous insects and being threatened in your sleep. But it takes those abstract rational fears and uses them to prop up a concrete figurehead of horror that is, itself, irrational. I'm an amateur horror writer myself, and I fell in love with the solifugids the instant I learned about them. I even had the pleasure of meeting a few during my time in the Arava Desert. I don't think that my soft spot for these arthropods and my choice of genres is a coincidence. In the Dreamlands, the cruel realities of the universe seem to be embodied in the Outer Gods, and anthropomorphized in their soul and messenger Nyarlathotep. If the ghouls are, as Pickman's art implied, meant to be like the witches of Puritan superstition, responsible for everything that goes wrong for humanity at the whims of a universe beyond our control, then it would make sense for them to be minions of Nyarlathotep. It would have been the easiest thing in the world for Lovecraft to cast them as such in "Dream-Quest" if that was really his intent; the story already calls for Nyarlathotep's agents to appear in numerous scenes, and the ghouls could have been among them. But they aren't. Instead, Carter meets the ghouls back on Dreamlands Earth, in entirely friendly circumstances, with them as the loyal servants of Carter's (trans)human friend Pickman. The ghouls are creatures of the relatable and imaginative Gods of Earth, not the apathetic and inhuman Gods of Space. Rather than being a cause or manifestation of our problems, the ghouls might even be one of our defenses against them. The witch was created so that we would have some kind of enemy to hunt down and revenge ourselves on when we suffer a tragedy caused by impersonal forces of nature such as disease or weather. The boogeyman in the closet exists because the darkness it hides in is so much worse, and putting a FACE on the unknown lets us believe that we can deal with it in a form we understand. The ghouls are indeed connected to the nightmarish witch superstitions that Pickman referenced, but it is a metafictional connection: they are the legend of the witch and boogeyman, and an embodiment of the psychology that leads to the birth of those legends. They harness the rational fears of human powerlessness, victimhood, and mortality, and embody them as an irrational archetype-creature, and in this form - as Carter just demonstrated in the latest episode of "Dream-Quest" - our fears can be useful tools. Even if the purpose of that tool is just confronting other people with their fears for fun and (in the case of Lovecraft, King, etc) profit. At several points in both "Pickman's Model" and "The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath," Lovecraft described the ghouls as being "gargoyle-like." They even look a lot like Gothic gargoyles, with their doglike faces, hoofed feet, and (in the case of at least one or two specimens that Lovecraft described) devilish horns. The purpose of the gargoyles in the European cathedrals wasn't to honor or appease the Devil; it was to mock him, and thereby rob him of some of his power. Ghoul-Changelings and Pickman's Transformation Given that Earth's Dreamlands are shaped by metaphors and symbolism taken from the subconscious of human dreamers (at least in part), its hard to say what is and isn't "literally" true about its inhabitants. Unlike most Dreamlands creatures, however, the ghouls are quite active in the waking world as well if only for brief periods at a time. As such, there are some objective observations that can be made. 1) Ghouls inhabit a network of caves in the Dreamlands' deep underground that contains portals to various urban dungeons and necropoli in the waking world, particularly in the New England area where the dream-sorcerers may have interacted with or even deliberately summoned them. 2) Ghouls eat the corpses of humans and other sapient creatures that they recover from both the waking world and the Dreamlands, but seem to be less interested in live prey. They also collect old tombstones and grave-goods. 3) After they've finished eating, the ghouls toss the bones into the chasm beneath their cave complex, which over time has become positively covered in bones, and attracted giant worm scavengers. 4) Richard Upton Pickman turned into a ghoul. The former three points are fairly self explanatory. The fourth, however, raises a lot of questions. In Pickman's art, he portrayed ghouls exchanging their own young with human babies in the classic fairy changeling mould, with both the changelings and the stolen babies eventually becoming ghouls themselves. Pickman also portrayed a Puritan-era changeling that bore a great physical resemblance to himself. Some readers have taken this to mean that rather than simply being a descendant of the Native American dream-sorcerers like Carter, Pickman was the descendant of a ghoul changeling, and the character he depicted in that painting was one of his own ancestors. Others, that Pickman was himself just one of many changelings from throughout history, and that he identified himself with an earlier New England instance out of whimsy. However, I find it a bit conspicuous that while Carter identified the fully transformed ghoul-Pickman and specified that he had once been human, he never mentions the possibility of any of the other ghouls being the same. Thus, its possible that what happened to Pickman is actually unique, or at least very rare, and that the changeling scenario depicted in his art was purely symbolic of the horror-artist's role as a devil's advocate to the rest of humanity and an ambassador to the dark forces of the universe. Pickman's transformation. I'm inclined to believe that what caused Pickman's transformation was not him being a ghoul pup switched with a human at birth, but a product of him being both a) an almost obsessive devotee of horror, and b) a powerful dreamer with access to the Dreamlands, perhaps helped along in accessing them by some recovered magic from his oneiromancer ancestors just like Carter was. It could even be that rather than his art depicting something that had or could have already happened with the ghoul-transformation, Pickman's acts of imagining and drawing a transformation were what CREATED THE POSSIBILITY for such a transformation to actually happen. An idea of his was made real through the power of his dreaming, warping his own flesh into one of his ghouls in a similar - but more visceral - manner as Kyle being transformed into Kuranes. Another question about Pickman's transformation pertains to him having mostly forgotten how to speak English by the time Carter met him again in the Dreamlands. Did his transformation rob him of his English, or did he just forget it after spending so long in the Dreamlands interacting only with other ghouls? For that matter, how long HAD Pickman been a ghoul by the time Carter stumbled into the bone pit? Months? Years? Centuries? Time in the Dreamlands seems to work in arbitrary ways, as evidenced by how Carter can be timelooped in the waking world while living through consecutive centuries as an explorer in the Dreamlands. In "The Silver Key," we learned that the Dreamlands (or at least, Dreamlands related artifacts) can even send you BACK in time. Origins? Since time in the Dreamlands interacts in very unpredictable ways with the waking world's timeline, its very difficult to say when and where the ghouls first came into existence. Since Pickman's art is also of questionable waking world veracity, we can't really tell if the ghouls have actually been popping up in the New England witch tunnels since the 1700's, and - even if they have - they could have been born in the Dreamlands from an event that had not yet happened in the waking world's timeline and popped out of those tunnels earlier in history as we waking earthlings perceive it. Another interesting fact to point out here is that Randolph Carter, Dreamlands explorer extraordinaire, only knew about the ghouls BECAUSE he met Pickman during his waking life. Its possible that the ghouls are a manifestation of some core archetype within the human collective unconscious. The Horror, the Boogeyman, the terrifying friend to artists and writers who delight in confronting their fellow humans with humanity's frailties and fears. The creatures that appeared in the dreams of H.R. Giger and caused him to wake up in heart-stopping terror on so many different nights, and yet that he adopted and came to love. Even if his own fear of them never diminished, it became HIS fear, and they became HIS monsters, and he began to feel possessive of them and delight in sharing their terror with others who lacked his mastery over them. The creatures that appeared in the dreams of Stephen King and inspired him to turn the anxieties of the modern United States against it, while cackling about keeping the hearts of fictitious young children in his study. The creatures that haunted the dreams of H.P. Lovecraft, and inspired him to write stories like "Pickman's Model," delighting in his own ability to scare Weird Tales' readers just as Pickman delighted in scaring the narrator. There is a moment in "Pickman's Model" when the ghoul walks in on them and Pickman has to go make it leave, when PICKMAN HIMSELF is described as looking terrified. And yet, despite that, he was able to reassert control over the ghoul and command it to leave him alone until he wanted it to return. I suspect that if Pickman ever stopped being afraid of the ghouls himself, they would have abandoned him and sought a fresh artist to inspire. Such is the relationship between the horrorist and the monster. There is another possibility, though. And that is that rather than being a universal manifestation of horror that serve as muses to numerous masters of the craft, the ghouls are the specific nightmare-turned-minion of one specific master of horror. Kyle/Kuranes dreamed Celephais and its people into existence, and then abandoned the waking world entirely to rule them for all time. What might another instance of this look like, if the dreamer in question was less of a sensitive too-good-for-this-world melancholic, and more of an angry misanthrope with a fixation with his Salem ancestry and an almost monomaniacal obsession with showing us fear in a handful of grave-dust? Perhaps it was just Richard Upton Pickman who loved his own, personal, imaginary monsters so much. And, through the power of the Dreamlands, they were able to love him back.

So ghouls are a combination of guardians, Halloweentown, and irreverance of 4chan.

A more benevolent take than my past one.

#dreamlands #ghouls #lovecraft

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toomanyfandoms02 · 4 years

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Biggest Fan // Spencer Reid x Reader

Blurb request by @aberrant-annie ! This was cute tbh.

Summary - Y/n meets her favorite Doctor, and they hit it off.

Prompt - "I'm your biggest fan!"

Y/n's mother had always called her an 'unusual specimen.'

She found it weird that she was so 'outgoing' and 'popular' (by her standards). While also being a complete nerd who was interested heavily in Criminal Justice and Chemistry. She had articles upon articles posted in her room about her favorite theories and subjects. That was the only thing that she was teased about, even a little bit, which was mostly by her family. Her mother, and everyone else, had gotten quite use to this once the girl was out of highschool.

Y/n had actually recently graduated from Hampton University with a full ride just last year. But she was still struggling greatly with finding a full time job with it.

She thought back to all of the interning jobs with the police force and even a very small section of the FBI, but nothing really came of it.

That's when she saw the flyers for the FBI seminar being held at her college.

The flyer was ripped from the utility pole outside of her apartment.

*The FBIs very own BAU (Behavioral Analysis Unit) is coming to Hampton University June 20th from 1 pm to 3:30 pm. Agents will be coming in to talk about solved cases and answer any questions you have! Agents David Rossi, Emily Prentiss, and Aaron Hotchner. Along with Dr. Spencer Reid and their Technical analyst Penelope Garcia.*

Her eyes bulged as she read the paper, Spencer Reid was going to be there?! At her old college?! **Talking about Crime?!**

She will absolutely be there.

Here she was, standing in front of the building she had spent grueling hours studying in. Making friends, meeting the man the poor girl had her longest relationship with in, and then dumping his sorry ass. A building full of memories.

And was *hopefully* about to make another meaningful memory.

She clutched the small notebook in her hands while the colorful sundress she sported swished with her movements. She peered around the entrance, remembering all the times she had walked in here, not a care in the world. *Except for exams*.

She made her way to the auditorium and looked down at her watch.

*12:15*

Whoops, she was a little early. White sneakers echoed as she walked to the front row, planting herself in the front row. Y/n sat sideways, propping her feet up on the seat beside her and pulling out a book.

*The Dissapearing Spoon: And Other True Tales of Madness, Love, and the History of the World from the Periodic Table of the Elements*

When she saw it at Barnes and Noble, she read the spine of the book and immediatly bought it when her eyes read periodic table. It was a slight fascination of hers.

She read for a while, finding it so intriguing that she effortlessly flipped through the pages. After about 10 or so minutes of reading, her ears perked up at the sound of a door opening and closing. Assuming that it was another person interested in the seminar, her eyes remained glued to the book. Just to make sure she wasn't too caught up in the book, she checked her phone for the time.

*12:25* Her guess was pretty accurate.

That's when she heard a slight giggle from behind her. She jumped from the seat a bit, slinging her legs over so that she wasn't laying across two chairs. Her hand grabbed my chest over her heart.

"Holy shit!" She looked over to see a familiar face, not one she had expected would be sneaking behind her and laughing. "Dr. Reid?" Her breath calmed. His smile faltered slightly.

"You know who I am?" She nodded profusely. Of course she knew who he was, he was part of the articles on her wall at home. She found his articles particularly interesting.

~~He was the whole reason she came to the seminar.~~

"Yes! I love your writings, I'm probably your biggest fan!" Her cheeks flushed at the comment, so she did what she always did when something slightly embarrassing happened.

*She rambled.*

"I love your article on the method to applying microfluidic electrochemical technologies to single-electron transfer redox-neutral reactions. I thought it was so cool that you went back to Caltech to mentor those students and ended up finding out that placing the components near one another in a microfluid platform worked! I could never even think like that, you are fascinating."

Spencer had never met someone who knew so much about him, let alone someone who was genuinly interested in what he did. Outside of his official career.

Y/n's face was slowly getting more read as she kept talking.

"I'm so sorry, I'm probably totally overwhelming you." She said with a nervous laugh.

"No no!" His hands flew up in surrender. "I'm just kind of fascinated that you know all of this stuff." His hand flew to his mouth in regret immediatly. "That sounded very sexist, that's not how I meant it. You just look a little young to know about it." Now it was his turn for a red face.

"*I'm* a little young to know about this stuff?" She scoffed lightly with a chuckle. "Says the one who graduated high school at 12."

"Touché." He nodded.

"What were you laughing at anyway, you snuck up on me like a ghost."

"Your lock screen." He pointed to her phone, the screen of course displayed a Chemistry joke.

*What do you do with a sick chemist?*

*If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.*

"Do you have a job that deals with Chemistry?"

"Uh, not yet. I just graduated last year, from here actually." Her hands gestured around the room. "I majored in Criminal Justice and minored in Psychology and Chemistry. So I'm not *that* young." She joked. "I've been trying to land a job but it's proving to be pretty hard." She gave a slightly sad smile.

"That's incredible! Do you mind if I ask how old you are?" He was invested in this interesting girl now, he wanted to soak up everything about her and her pretty eyes and gorgeous smile.

"I'm 26."

*Perfect.* He thought.

"Also," his eyes glanced at his watch. "How long have you been sitting here?"

"Around 15 ish minutes now. I like to be punctual" She shrugged.

"Is it still punctual if you're 10 minutes early?" Dr. Reid teased with a smile. This made a smile creep onto her face and her eyes rolled.

"I just wanted a good seat to listen to my favorite Doctor." She replied nonchalantly. It took her off guard how flirtatious and confident she was being all of the sudden, not that either of them minded it.

"That is a valid reason." He nodded at her and pointed his thumb behind him. "I actually have to get going, we ar going over the cases a last time before we present them to the crowd."

"Not that you need it with that Eidetic memory of your Dr. Reid." She grinned. He chuckled back with a big smile, she knew a lot about him, it was flattering.

"Trust, me it's not my choice to go over it a million times." She waved aslt him as he turned to the exit door. Right before he got to the door he whipped around, looking at her again. "You can call me Spencer by the way." Y/n threw up the 'OK' symbol with her hands and his her face behind her book as he stumbled into the door.

*What a girl. How am I going to do this whole presentation in front of her?*

But he did fine. In Y/n's eyes he did *perfect*.

Towards the end of the seminar, the group was giving out their business cards. They went row by row, take one pass it on. But Spencer's was delivered personally. She flipped it over to see a number on the back. He looked at her as she flipped the number side to him, tapping on it and winking.

Y/n watched as the woman she now knew as Emily Prentiss nudged his shoulder and waved at you.

*She hoped to get to know all these people very well.*

#mgg #criminal minds #spencer reid #dr spencer reid #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid fanfiction #mgg fanfiction #spencer reid imagine

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elffees · 2 years

Note

2, 7, 11, 19, 28 👀

aaaahhh thank you for the ask!!

2 - favorite character (excluding sean & daniel)?

hhhhhhhhh so many characters are just so good. i wanna say Chris because i love him, but i also feel like he has an advantage since he had an entire game dedicated to just himself. so aside from Chris, i’d say my favorite character might be Penny

7 - favorite quote?

in episode 3 when Sean optionally says: “I'm sorry you have to go through all this crap. It's not fair. I want to make it up to you, make sure you're safe forever” to Daniel after he shares a bad memory. its so innocent and sad it breaks my heart

11 - never call lyla or dont save chris?

oh gosh sorry Chris but say hello to the bumper for me!

both are terrible but i just cant let Lyla be institutionalized. it just feels too awful :(

(not saving Chris must cause so much confusion for him tho, bc then he doesnt understand why "his" power didnt work when he needed it most. why after all this time he still is nowhere near ready to defeat mantroid oh MAN)

19 - what did you think of jacob?

i have a lot of thoughts on him. from what i’ve seen, Jacob is often characterized by the fandom as an uwu 👉👈 shy anime girl, which i dont fault since his personality is really like that lol. but while he is endearingly sheepish, i think what makes Jacob most interesting to me is his role in Daniel’s relationship with Lisbeth.

Jacob is very traumatized by Lisbeth’s cult and smthg that LIS2 interestingly explores is how hurt individuals can sometimes (unintentionally) inflict that same hurt on others, especially in the case of indoctrination. Jacob didnt mean for Daniel to be brainwashed. he genuinely had good intentions. but the fact of the matter is, Jacob was the one that handed Daniel to Lisbeth on a silver platter and then continued to help her feast.

its bc of his own trauma. manipulators like Lisbeth have a way of making their victims believe they are their only safety, their only refuge, their only place of salvation. after the shitstorm that was the heist, Jacob took Daniel under his wing (which thank GOD omg. like the dude was under no obligation to do that at all. hes goated just for that act alone) and he had no clue what to do with this 9 year old super-powered on-the-run little kid who had just left what looked like a crime scene with several unresponsive bodies and even a possible corpse. understandably, he had NO idea where to go, who to trust, how to care for a child, etc.

Jacob taking Daniel to Lisbeth was inevitable. the weight of his unpreparedness plus his own brainwashed dependency.... there was no other place he wouldve taken Daniel to, which is what makes it so tragic. but what dials the “hmm intriguing!!!” dial up to eleven is that i believe one of the most eye-opening factors that got Jacob to fully understand Lisbeth’s wrongness, was him watching Daniel’s abuse first hand (i think there’s 2 other reasons for Jacob’s realization, but i’ll go over that in a separate post). seeing Daniel, especially an atheist!Daniel, be manipulated before his very eyes had to be an experience to say the least. through Daniel, Jacob witnessed Lisbeth’s manipulations from the ground up and developed a clearer sense as to what she was doing, how she was doing it, and who she really was as a person. and what makes me lean even closer as i observe Jacob under a microscope like a specimen, is that Jacob still did not help Daniel afterwards.

it was again bc of the abuse Lisbeth (and his enabling family) had already inflicted on him that made him psychologically incapable of directly challenging Lisbeth and coming to Daniel’s rescue even after realizing how messed up things were. Jacob was so stuck in his fear that the only thing he felt he could do was send out an uncertain distress signal and wait with his hands folded as Daniel was continuously abused in front of him, his hope-and-have-patience tactic most beneficial to no one but Lisbeth. Jacob was both a victim and an enabler, which is one of the most damning combinations to ever exist. DONTNOD writing him that way was captivating.

28 - did your view on smthg change after a replay?

yes my entire view on the choices! specifically the unconventional ones

when i first played LIS2 it was just after i had finished playing A Game I Shall Not Name™ and spent time in Said Game’s fanbase. looking back i truly think it is the worst choice-based game i have ever played. not bc of the lack of choices, oh no, choices were in abundance, but bc of how infantilizing and arrogant it was as a piece of media. LIS2 showed me what a choice-based game truly should be, where your choices result in balanced in-universe consequences. The Game I Shall Not Name™ instead had the game and narrative basically tell you to go fuck yourself if you made a choice it didnt like. and it did this. several. times. and it was especially hurtful bc of the sensitive material The Game’s™ story was about that i personally could relate to. there was even a specific moment of the game’s “fuck you” disciplinary tactic ill never forget bc it felt like the devs were trying to take a very pointed shit on certain types of people.

so when i first played LIS2, i still had remnants of that experience and thought choosing unconventional choices would have the game smack me or smthg lmao. not that i stuck to completely “angelic” choices, but i did for the most part. so you can probably guess my first ending was Redemption (which i do like. it was written very well)

and then i replayed with the goal to get Blood Brothers and started choosing the more controversial choices and??? the fact the game doesnt demean you????? it genuinely treats most of your choices as inherently neutral and unbiased?? the consequences you face are REASONABLE and weren’t spiteful?!??! oh my god i lost my mind. it was amazing.

#asks #lis2 #i talk a lot i gotta work on that lol #ask game

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hyperfixationtimego · 3 years

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IDK IF YOU MEANT JUNKO IS HER GF AND BEST FRIEND BUT!!! Celeste/Kyoto friendship, they’re both man haters 💜 /j

I remember a game night thing back then, Clue reinvigorates Celeste’s interest in murder mysteries and she honestly impresses Kyoto when she tricks Togami into revealing his cards (mainly questioning his truthfulness/credibility)

After that, Kyoto and Celeste try to find videos, games, and books of murder mysteries to solve, but with Celeste able to figure out who’s lying and Kyoto’s detecting ability, they’re unstoppable. Junko likes to nitpick the murder mysteries too, even though she likely has no idea who the murderer is.

After a while of their regular things being too easy, one day they walk into the kitchen area to find Chihiro and Sonia (again no idea if this is in character but her cosplayers are always cute) putting some fake blood on Ibuki. Makoto is upsetting the area, like knocking over the knife holder and such. They’re super confused, until Makoto says (very unconvincingly) “:O someone killed Ibuki!!! you guys gotta figure it out”

That becomes the new regular thing, like every other week they make a new murder mystery for the two and they have to solve it (including the fact that some stuff will be inaccurate, and just how the group thinks it would happen). Peko isn’t that fond of it, but she’ll do it if Chihiro gives her the 🥺 look, and both Miu and Leon absolutely love the chance to play characters (I forgot her name but if Peko does it, Tsumugi/blue hair will do it too, she just prefers to be the victim) - queer eye anon

HDBSBSBS NO U WERE RIGHT I MEANT IT LIKE JUNKO’S HER GF AND KYOKO’S HER BEST FRIEND HDBSBSBD DON’T WORRY!!

and yes yes they are 😌

and also !! legit 👀 like. it pisses Togami off to no end (seriously, how did she do that?? how could he be tricked so easily???) but Kyoko’s like “,,,,,oh my god,,,,,,,,such manipulation,,,,,,,such incredible deductive skills,,,,,”

long story short kirigiri develops a squish (platonic equivalent of a crush) on this weird mean goth bitch and just starts hanging around her more often until eventually Celeste is like,,,,,,,,,fine, if I simply MUST adopt you as a best friend, I suppose I will, seeing as I have ABSOLUTELY NO CHOICE in the matter :)

so they start spending more time together, and Kyoko’s usually the one who’s like “hey I found another murder mystery thing we could try-” to which Celeste’s response tends to be more lighthearted “oh, very well, if I absolutely must-”

It’s incredible - no piece of mystery media stands a chance against them <3

also a little off topic and might be a bit ooc, but I think we should all consider buzzfeed unsolved!kyoko and Celeste because that just seems goddamn hilarious to me ndndbdbdbddbd

and BDBSB YEAH THEY’RE SO SWEET?? Makoto came up with the idea, but Sonia and Chihiro are absolutely essential to the operation as a whole.

Sonia’s interest in serial killers provides a necessary take for the psychological perspective of real life cases, so they know for certain it’ll be stimulating for the detective of the two, meanwhile Chihiro’s brainpower allows for both creative and logical placement of clues, red herrings, and more!

Plus, all three of them are absolute sweethearts that most people have trouble saying no to <3 (they’ve even gotten Byakuya to participate once or twice! Celeste and Kirigiri were both delighted and bewildered!)

THEY ALSO GET OUMA INVOLVED BECAUSE HE’S THE ONLY ONE THAT EVER GIVES CELESTE ANY TROUBLE IN DECIPHERING LIES FHSBSBDBSBS (she usually gets it right on account of her own luck, and if she gets it wrong, It tends to be either salvageable or ambiguous enough that she can pretend she was right and nobody can tell they were ever on the wrong track)

Miu pretends like she needs fujisaki, nevermind, and naegi to beg her for her participation, but she’s honestly more than willing because!!! She gets to yell and be loud and have fun and play weirdos!!!! And sometimes she even invents new things for practical effects, just ‘cause she can! And she knows it makes her friends happy!

Leon’s a pretty good actor until Celeste stares him down - then he immediately either loses his nerve or fucks something up ❤️

and dhsbsbdbsbdb Peko!!!! Peko and Fuyuhiko get involved because a) chihiro gave them both the 🥺 face, as you said, and b) fuyuhiko,,,,,,,thinks the concept,,,,,,,,is fun,,,,,,,👉👈 but shut up he’d never admit that!!!

Tsumugi makes costumes!!!! And totally loses herself in the roles!!! She gives the BEST performances, and Celeste and Kyoko are often left sitting there like “wow ok” because hdbdbdvdvdvdvdvddv????

They get Nagito involved a lot, both due to his luck and the fact that he’s very easy to convince (and often comes up with more cool ideas for the scene of the crime/evidence/general concepts!) though, if he’s involved, then Hajime needs to be as well, becauee everyone can only take maeda’s self-deprecating bullshit for so long until they need someone to shut him up hdbdbdbdb

Hiyoko acts like she thinks it’s dumb, but actually really wants to be included 🥺 👉👈 so mahiru takes it upon herself to “force” her into helping

Sakura and Hina love to help however they can! :D I don’t rlly have anything specific for them, I simply think they’re very cool and would be very eager to help because they love their friends <3

Sayaka is INCREDIBLE when it comes to thinking up “murder” plots! Motives, manipulation, the likelihood of certain actions being taken.....+ due to her high intuition, she’s able to discern what types of things kyoko and celeste prefer during their little games! She also provides insight into emotional response for the actors, which helps to make it a lot more immersive!

Mikan gets very very very nervous as a performer and is usually very unreliable in that aspect, but she gives pointers on whether or not certain wounds would be enough to kill a person! She also provides emphasis on vital organs and helps with anatomical accuracy!

Gundham adores being able to give monologues, and the three in charge of everything do their best to give him macabre, weird roles so he can speak and confuse the two girls to his heart’s content ❤️

if they ever need to talk to chiaki during an investigation, they usually need to wake her up, or get her to stop playing a video game (which she’s not supposed to be playing!!!!) in order to interrogate her (she also forgets a lot of the details and evidence she’s supposed to give them shdbsndbsnsb)

she also likes to give chihiro ideas for plots and things, though mostly uses her games as inspiration !

Shuichi and kyoko are friends so he’s like “yyyeah okay I’ll do it” and so by the same token, Kaede is automatically (and emphatically!) involved as well

Kirumi gets involved because if it’s a request, she’ll do it 💛 plus she kinda loves being involved with this stuff ngl jsnsbsn meanwhile ryoma is like this is dumb but if it’ll make u guys happy then I guess I have no choice

Maki’s pretty difficult to convince, ngl, but if kaito pesters her enough, she might drop by to give her two cents on some of the most plausible and effective methods of getting rid of evidence, as well as what she would do if she were in the position of the murderer (makoto and co. are like wow maki thank u very cool we are absolutely terrified)

shinguji makes it a point in the anthology to embarrass himself at the drop of a hat for his friends’ benefits regarding things like this, so they’re obviously in hbdbdbd plus they love being able to study kyoko and celeste’s behavior while working on each “case,” because without a doubt they are two of the most interesting specimens of human thought patterns and processes he’s ever SEEN <3

since it’s for the sake of two girls, Tenko’s very excited to do whatever Sonia or Chihiro asks of her (she’ll do things that Makoto asks, too, but it takes some convincing....) and Himiko.....isn’t a particularly convincing liar to begin with, but her experience with stage trickery comes in handy pretty often! (though they have to practically drag the information out of her shdbsndn)

Angie agrees to participate on the grounds that all of her characters get to bring up and endorse Atua. she gets picked for murder victim quite a lot bsbssbdb

also highkey 👀 the canon cases get re-enacted at some point (for the first game’s third case, they actually let Celeste be in on it as a little treat for Kyoko! it was absolutely bonkers and they both had literally so much fun!!!)

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risingoflights · 4 years

Text

karanguni: TELL ME YOUR HOJO FEELINGS

HI K, LONG TIME

it’s hard to have feelings at this point bc even in OG, we’re not at the point hojo starts showing real personality. overall i’m not unhappy with the new portrayal, but that’s mostly bc my standards were so low after DoC.

at the moment, new hojo strikes me as very trope-y. overly invested in science was always a core characteristic, sure, but what i always enjoyed about og hojo is the fact he wasn’t sadistic. genuinely curious and chaotically dismissive, sure - he loves a good show involving his specimens hurting people, but more out of a real interest in how things will play out rather than actually aiming to get people hurt. new hojo... eehhh, maybe you could still say that about him? but it’s hard to write away at eg, that whole bit with aerith as purely psychological manipulation without intentional upsetting her for fun, and i don’t like that. feels like a cheap shot.

little things i did like tho - and this goes for esp scarlet as well - is how they really made hojo out to be a man doing his job. he has alarms for his meetings!! his little exasperated hologram recording for the shinra showroom was hilarious! and he’s explicitly said, out loud, that he doesn’t give a shit about shinra, he’s only there for money and resources. all that makes the scene where rufus takes charge and the camera pans across the execs lined up in front of him - sans hojo - really powerful. i think that was a nice touch.

(a side note: the bit where scarlet brushes past reporters with a ‘move’, then sighs and turns to give her professional prepared statement about the reactor bombing is funny as hell. loved that)

remains to be seen whether they’d keep hojo’s core personality trait - the dedication to sephiroth. i feel like everything i dislike can be forgiven if they just keep the tragedy and grief intact in the final confrontation. we’ll see.

just, again, glad at remake not being DoC.

#hojo

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postmodernmulticoloredcloak · 5 years

Text

The fragility of substituting humanity with machinery: the horror of automation in Captain America The Winter Soldier

I wanted to elaborate a bit on what I touched in this post, I’ll just quote it for your convenience:

My life changed the day I realized that when Pierce says “your work has been a gift to mankind–you shaped the century, and I need you to do it one more time” he meant ‘one time’ literally, the Winter Soldier was going to be put down once the helicarriers were up and running and Zola’s algorithm implemented. Project Insight was going to make the Winter Soldier obsolete, the whole point was that the human used as a machine was being substituted by an actual machine, human orders were going to be substituted by a computer algorithm (not a coincidence the algorithm was created by a man-turned-software…).

CATWS has this horror subplot about automation, turning humanity into machine, substituting humanity with machine, and it’s not talked about much because there’s plenty of other things to talk about, but it’s so interesting.

I used the expression “horror subplot” for the narrative about automation and technology in the movie because I believe it is crafted like a horror narrative of sorts. I have a certain interpretation of the Winter Soldier’s psyche that is probably a minority in the fandom (especially since CACW completely retconned it) but I think it’s pretty close to Sebastian Stan’s own interpretation - I recall an interview where he described Bucky’s experiences as a sort of nightmare you wake up from to find out it’s real, and I generally interpret his acting choices as expressive of an awareness in Bucky of what’s going on, of what Pierce and Hydra are doing to him and in general - there’s anger, there’s resentment, there’s bitterness, he’s simply trapped inside a mechanism made of his own body and brain and mind. It’s like he’s living a nightmare, where it feels like you don’t really make your own choices but you sort of follow the dream plot, dream!you acts in a way that they can’t really control but is directed by the dream and can make you feel scared or frustrated. That’s something pretty close, imo, to how Sebastian plays Bucky under Hydra’s control. And it’s something horrific.

Bucky is basically trapped inside a mechanism that allows Hydra to use him as a tool, as a machine. A perfect machine, that moves with ease and confidence, and yet is a human that is just a fragment of memory away from becoming erratic and unstable... which means human, not an automatic machine.

The Winter Soldier is the automatic version of Captain America. What Hydra 1.0 did to him is the exact same thing that the SSR was doing on the other side of the ocean... but the Americans planned to build an army of volunteers, while Zola experiments on expendable prisoners until he finds the perfect formula on the perfect specimen, and we know the rest. In a way, Zola was (horrifyingly) smarter - supersoldiers that choose to fight for you, and have their full agency, can revoke their loyalty to you. And that’s what happens with Steve and Shield. You can get defeated by the same weapons you crafted. Instead, if you want something whose loyalty can’t be revoked, you need the take the agency out of it. And that means taking the humanity out of the soldier, turning the soldier into a machine.

But it turns out that you cannot turn a human into a machine after all. The point of the Winter Soldier subplot is that he is still a human, no matter how trapped in the mechanism. And eventually the humanity undoes the mechanism - that’s the plot of the movie, humanity undoes the mechanism.

As soon as the Winter Soldier is treated like a human being, that’s the end of the nightmare, and he revokes the artificial loyalty to the system that used him as a weapon.

The automation of the Winter Soldier, with its psychological horror, is paralleled to the automation of intelligence and special warfare, and that’s the political horror. Because the special warfare of the era of agents and secret soldiers is obsolete - ironically, the “man out of time” in this movie is not just Steve, but everyone that still operates in the “traditional” way. The Black Widow, the Winter Soldier, they’re the kind of agents that are just useful until the point where the new methods are implemented. Once the helicarriers are up, secret warfare won’t be done by individual agents doing stuff the old way anymore, but by computers and algorithms. But algorithms are made by people, too - the problem is, people further in the shadows.

(Who writes the algorithms that rule all the stuff in our daily lives? Do we know? Do our governments know? We live in an age where the state is having its powers eclipsed by the private corporations that write the algorithms that run technology. The modern state is dying and social media corporations are killing it...)

Just like Bucky Barnes got robbed of his free will by Zola, citizens are getting robbed of their free will by Zola’s algorithm, i.e. the fictional representation of the technologies that are subtracting agency to people and states. Democracies are undermined by the algorithms that control our lives in subtle ways, citizenship is being emptied of meaning because we’re robbed of the free will that it requires. “The 21st century is a digital book, Zola taught HYDRA how to read it. Your bank records, medical histories, voting patterns, e-mails, phone calls, your damn SAT scores. Zola’s algorithm evaluates people's past to predict their future.” Political horror indeed.

Let’s get back to our movie. The moral of the machinery subplot is that machines are powerful because they’re efficient, but they’re also “fragile”, so to speak, because humans can hijack them for their ends: Fury was all proud of Shield’s helicarriers, but the helicarriers were fragile because Hydra could just slam a fancy algorithm on them and take them out of Fury’s control completely (not a coincidence Fury gets cut out of the security system... except for the most “damaged” part of himself which Hydra had not considered when they took his ‘normal’ retinal scan out of the system - humanity and its imperfection trumping the perfection of the machine).

On the other hand, the point is that if Hydra can hijack the machine for their own hands... you can play the same game. The final battle is not about taking down the helicarriers (or the Winter Soldier, like Steve says in his conversation with Sam before the battle), but the plan is to reprogram them. They just replace Zola’s algorithm with their own new algorithm where the targets become the helicarriers themselves. And similarly, Steve “reprograms” the Winter Soldier by replacing Zola’s conditioning with shared memories of theirs.

It’s meaningful that their fight on the helicarrier is extremely human. The fight on the helicarrier is filmed very differently from their previous fight where Steve wasn’t aware of the Winter Soldier’s identity. It’s way less acrobatics and fancy moves and more punches and grunts and gritty moves like choking and grabbing and pulling (that... sounded more sexual that I intended but maybe that was the point...). At the core of the whole big fight between Captain America’s team and Hydra, is two humans fighting each other in a very human, almost primeval way. By the end of the fight they’re both wounded and in pain, either of them can barely stand, all technique is totally lost, heck Steve just stops fighting at all. Bucky lashes out from the upsetting emotions evoked by Steve’s attempt to reach out to him, and the “mission” seems more of a pretext to get rid of that guy that’s causing all the confusion and pain.

On the highway, it was machine against machine (interestingly, Natasha even uses a recording of herself on a phone as a “replacement” of herself and that helps her almost take her opponent down, again human machine machine human...), now it’s two human beings being human.

Captain America (less of a machine than the Winter Soldier, but not that less - just less to snap out of the mechanism on his own) drops the shield, becoming Steve Rogers and nothing else. And the same happens to Bucky.

Their journey over the movie is a journey of reclaiming their humanity against the system that had made them into machines, into gears of a dehumanizing, free-will-robbing mechanism.

#my mcu thoughts #catws #humanity #agency #free will #...damn these are the kind of tags we usually use for supernatural posts #it's no wonder i'm a fan of both catws and spn #destiel and stucky are very similar #and i cry #mcu

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herpronuonsarefemslash · 3 years

Text

Do Not Tap the Glass - TEASER

Enjoy an ABO Supergirl / Jurassic Park (barely) crossover where Alex is a scientist for the Luthor Institute studying a mysterious "creature" that was found in the arctic ice, her wife Maggie definitely thinks pregnant Alex is sexy Alex, they go to a sex club together, and Lex throws Lena in with the beast...that maybe isn't a beast at all. Chapters 1-5 are public and Chapter 6 is Patreon exclusive.

Chapter 1 - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qpiYG0XLyuUU79_P2YTwG6IYR6GISse3/view?usp=sharing Chapter 2 - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1EJlb75hUbGXdNAkkwPzW691XFS9AXx-d/view?usp=sharing Chapter 3 - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1jE-f6E4McfFWKUXCX-ZhJWAg0XvHn1el/view?usp=sharing Chapter 4 - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1HEcDBzNaB6qmZ2JkzInx46INWOyawfdC/view?usp=sharing Chapter 5 - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SQaoF7H2aG1kVyhA35zFfQ5ZfK86lU3Z/view?usp=sharing Chapter 6 - https://www.patreon.com/posts/54672610 Alex has a ritual when she starts a new job: ride the bike in for confidence. Sadly, the list of 'required tools' she was asked to bring would never have fit in a bike. It would never have fit in Maggie's beloved 'princess plug' either, that silver Subaru with a bedazzled back hatch and two surfboards eternally attached to the rack.

Hence, renting a small U-Haul that drives like a dead whale. Maybe the Luthor Institute isn't really hiring her for her mind, maybe they just want her and her mom's research and devices. Lex Luthor has a scary rep in the academic community. He's probably just going to have someone shoot her as soon as she's buzzed in the gate.

Still. It's an interesting job because the not-interesting jobs don't come with 200-page non-disclosure agreements she signed, being watched by lawyers so clenched a punch-press and a vat of KY couldn't help them. It's a lot of money. It's enough money to put aside a million for their daughter by the time she graduates college. Once she finishes developing a spine, organs, and nervous system, that is. Alex was too busy puking to nickname the fetus, so Maggie stepped in.

Regrettably. Cervix-Kicker is just not something Alex can tease her slowly-swelling belly with, at least in public. Maggie's turn, next time. She's pretty sure there will be a next time. Alex suspects that pregnancy sex makes the case for the pregnancy itself, in Maggie's view.

Her phone lights up and a bonobo's shrieking voice comes out. Eliza recorded it during the early days of her fieldwork. Alex taps answer.

"Hey, Mom."

"Morning, sweetie. How's the new job?"

=====

Nia rolls her eyes with such exaggeration it makes her fairy-dusted eyeshadow sparkle a bit in the sun.

"Come on, new girl," Nia teases. "I'll show you around."

"She will. She's basically in charge of the pep squad here," Frank teases. "When I started, I gained five pounds from all of the bonding lunches Nia organized."

"Did you complain?" Nia demands.

"I did not. And I do not regret a moment of it, kid. Someone will come unload the truck, doc. Thanks for bringing all your gear."

Frank tips his ball cap at Alex and goes back to the main group by the door.

"My mom's designs too." Alex mumbles. One accidental touch and she's blubbering out self-deprecation to near-strangers.

"Right," Nia chuckles. "The infamous Doctors Danvers. So is your kid going to be a world-renowned psych researcher does the third generation end up a bunch of losers who like, found the next Google?"

"Um, not sure. I have to meet them first."

"Shut the front door!" Nia exclaims. Her smile just went up about fifty thousand watts. "I was just joking but you're actually preggers."

"How ca-"

Alex glances at Nia's nametag. In the lower right is an omega symbol with an F beside it. Curiously, it even has the sub-status there even though that's unnecessary in the case of female omegas given the extremely low variation rate. Alex has never heard of subtypes being used outside of therapy or a doctor's office. Using them at work is legal--probably--but it's also downright bizarre. As an omega, Nia can not only smell the tiny changes in Alex's scent indicating she's pregnant, she can probably tell Alex what soap Maggie uses, along with her age, ethnicity, and most recent rut.

"They categorize us by status?" Alex asks. "How 1890s."

Nia sighs.

"Well, it's actually not so bad. There was a dude in maintenance who I thought was taking notes on my heat cycle. I mentioned something and the next thing I know there was this absolute unit of a woman from HR sort of shadowing me. Eating lunch, printing stuff to the copier we use, so on. Being obvious about it to, making sure he knew she had her eye on him. So they do use the information for the right reasons."

Any competent HR department could handle all that. Nia must realize that too.

"The creature. The creature can sense human genera and reacts to them."

Nia makes finger guns.

"Bingo. Got a nose like a bloodhound, that one. Even with the enclosure being vacuum-sealed and using completely different air, the creature catches it somehow."

=====

She nods towards the ruined hard drive, which has been ground and punctured and shaved to produce the bearings.

"I'm afraid I never made a backup."

"Fuck," Lex snarls.

She got Lex to curse in front of his men. Victory enough for one lifetime.

"Take her."

She lets the goons cuff her.

"Oh, and I injected myself with an agent that reacts violently with truth serum drugs. Violently and fatally."

"Which ones?" Lex demands.

"All of them. And I put an implant in my teeth with 2 grams of high explosive. So electrocuting me is out. We'll have to make a deal the old-fashioned way, brother."

Lex's pained bellowing is so sweet. ===== Lena's gurney is tilted back vertical and she's wheeled down a long hallway. A pair of armored doors buzz open.

It's a goddamned zoo enclosure. Gorilla enclosure, from the look of it. It reeks of alpha. Almost human. Almost sweet, even. A scent she wouldn't mind nuzzling into at night if she didn't know it was a beast's. Lex himself unclips her and tilts the gurney forwards, spilling her onto wood chips.

"Quite the specimen, I hear. She's used up three omegas so far," he sighs. "Maybe you'll fare better. Maybe you'll live long enough to get a pup in you. When you are ready to talk, press the red button."

Classic good old boy alpha thinking. Like many a single omega, Lena has guiltily indulged in rut non-con fantasies. So that's not quite the threat he thinks it is. Loss of control over the body and second-guessing whether it was consent or just surrender to the heat is Female Omega 101. She could maybe power through that. Close her eyes. Remember boarding school. Andrea and her flashing blue eyes and her exquisitely shaped cock -- ladylike, somehow -- long enough to slam the breath from Lena's lungs and her long hands closed over Lena's neck. Her affected machismo. Taking Lena like she was a mafia boss and Lena was some worthless whore from the back streets. Fulfilling that and any other roleplay Lena wanted.

This is a goddamned gorilla though. That's beyond the realm of kink.

She's in a puddle of light but the rest of the enclosure is dark. Too dark to see anything past her ankles.

That's when she hears it. Huffing. Panting. Too loud and to big a noise to be human lungs. Squelching. Grunting. Moaning.

A face spills out of the dark into the light. Matted blonde curls. Blue eyes glazed over with orgasm, drugs, or maybe in shock. The grunting increases in pace.

"So good, so good..." the blonde mumbles, throwing her head back and forth.

"Hi, Lena."

"Eve Tessmacher? Fuck. I thought you got fired."

=====

"Hey, Nia?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you go to my desk..." Alex begins before shame clamps her jaw shut. She's going to have to say it. Say it to a friend who is her employee and she wonders if the fancy toilet can be reprogrammed to drown her.

"Go to your desk and?" Nia prompts.

"Target bag. Sweatshirt and pants," she huffs.

"Copy that."

Alex catches her breath, then spanks the toilet paper roll over and over. She starts cleaning up. Nia's a good kid. In both the psychological and physical sense had painful days herself--phantom ruts colliding with her desired heat cycle--and she and Alex worked out a system. With it, Alex could sneak her pot chocolate from the cooler in Nia's car, sign it in on her behalf at security, hit the vending machine, and meet her in the breakroom like it's nothing.

Their friendship started out the way a thousand five-minute friendships do in bars. Nia asked for an opinion and Alex assured her she looked cute and that her blind date would love it. The guy turned out to be a moron but the resulting debrief cemented their dynamic.

She's not sure how someone can go from acquaintance to best friend, to kid sister in less than a month. She only knows Nia did.

=====

The member lot is small and the gold member lot is smaller still. Perhaps thirty stalls and mostly full.

Maybe when you spend this much on VIP access to a sex club, it makes sense to spend every weeknight there. Eliza didn't volunteer a number for the membership she bought Alex and Maggie but both she and Alex assumed that down payment on a house would be Eliza and Jeremiah's contribution. She probably went with this out of fond memories of her own years studying at UC National City. If she and Jeremiah ever shared an omega playmate, it would've been somewhere like here. Somewhere deniable.

"Look, babe," Julia whispers, pointing at the engravings in the concrete of the marked stall that Maggie is gradually working their Prius into, sliding it between a Range Rover and a Suburban.

"AD and MS, sponsored by EG?" Alex mumbles.

"Founder sponsored," Julia adds, pointing out something in smaller print and filling the right half of Maggie's vision with creamy cleavage and her lungs with candy-sweet scent of a willing omega.

"I fucking knew it," Maggie chuckles. "Your mom was one of the people that started this place."

"No!" Alex squawks. "Absolutely fucking no!"

"You park," Julia chuckles. "I'll distract her from herself."

#abo #sanvers #my fics #supergirl

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iiryebreadii · 3 years

Text

Episode 11

Oh boy this is a long one...

- Hey Doc, could you be a little less ominous please???

- “We are afraid of death, and, well... working on that one.” Excuse me what does this mean, sir. I dearly hope you are referring to humanity’s general working toward immortality and not to personal experiments because I have NOT forgotten your spooky experiment on Eiffel

- Hey this whole thing was super unsettling!! I do not know what to think about the emergency door, so I’m going to just put that in a little “marked for later” box in my head

- Hera!! She is here and she is Hearing Everything

- Specimen 34 is also here

- UNSEEN AND UNKNOWN THING????

- Hera what are you hidingggg

- Hey Hera please stop planning their deaths please please please you are being very spooky

- Very cool exploration of an AI’s mind

- Aw will she miss Doug??? :(

- You are more than your programming girl keep at it

- This girl really do be lowkey resenting humanity huh

- Doug time babey

- Psych eval!

- ACCIDENTAL INCINERATION WHAT

- This man hates his job and honestly good for him I would hate it too

- THIS MAN

- He’s a great listener babey

- THIS FOOL BEEN TALKING TO HIMSELF THE WHOLE TIME I LOVE IT

- MAGNIFICENT

- commander sending out messages

- SHES NOT DONE EIFFEL LEAVE HER ALONE

- dang commander how’s it feel to hold the only braincell

- the talent show was a resounding success *cue me making a wheezing/honking sound that approximates a laugh*

- Oooooo we getting into the real stuff now

- Doc Hilbert made the funky plant I guess, that’s cool

- Weird weather conditions and that’s not normal so cool

- Who KNOWS what the doc is doing he’s lying all the time

- Weird noises, more people than the three of them???

- The station is changing???????

- Eiffel why are you an idiot

- TIME TRAVEL EXCUSE ME????????

- They’re not noticing????

- Oh dear. commander is sounding VERY paranoid and that’s not a good look for the commander of a three person crew

- Rip to the commander she is trying her best but MAN is that station weird

- ok I was NOT expecting this when I started listening to this podcast. Basically all I knew about it going in was that it was in space and also funny

- Had no idea if there was even an overarching plot but BOY HOWDY apparently there is one!!!

- No idea what genre this is heading into!!! And you better believe I’m not about to look anything up

- Excited to see where this is all headed! I wonder where Hera lands in all this, since up till now I assumed she was just a perky AI that had a little sass in there, but apparently she is a lot more morally ambiguous and detached from this situation. I wonder how old she is, and how many other crews she’s worked with on missions?

- I Do Not trust doc Hilbert, he is a Science Man and cannot be trusted (although I do love his character, he’s very funny)

- I also don’t trust Eiffel, but that’s just cause he’s an idiot and I don’t think you can trust him with anything (luv u bby ur just dumb <3)

- I’m very interested to see how commander Minkowski deals with the growing paranoia she seems to be dealing with, I do love a good psychological downward spiral

- Also I haven’t forgotten that’s there’s also apparently an unseen and unknown thing on the station that Hera knows about but isn’t telling anyone about and THATS spooky

- I’ve used ‘spooky’ a lot in these notes. that may be an indicator of where this is heading, genre-wise. oh dear.

#wolf 359 #wolf 359 liveblog #hm!!! dont like a lot of the implications in this episode!!#though i am intrigued #very excited to see where this all leads #AND i want to know what/who else is on the station

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thistangledbrain · 3 years

Text

Autism Awareness/Acceptance Month

Day 5!

“Special Interests”

Have a quiet Autie in your life? That won’t last long if you tap into their special interest. We can’t shut UP when we find someone who’s genuinely curious about what lights us up.

Every older Autie I know has at least one special interest, sometimes several.

Mine? Dogs. Primarily.

And I mean EVERYTHING dog, but starting with behavior. Then in no particular order, health/genetics, various breeds and their traits, training....literally everything. Even the genes that define coat color & pattern, and what physical genetics are tied to behavior (if you’re curious about that, start with the Russian studies about domesticated foxes and what happened to their red coats, the more tame they became). It was horses when I was younger, but I soon moved to dogs when getting into my late teens (more affordable and accessible I guess lol). And if I don’t know the answer to your questions, we find out together, because I *need* to know, too. 😉 I can talk dogs with you literally all day and never get bored...which helps socially, too (I’ve mentioned that most of my closest friends are dog people) - I have a larger network of friends than most other auties I know, and it’s because of a shared passion for all things dog.  Then there’s the sciences, but particularly quantum & theoretical physics. I. Fucking. Love. Physics. LOVE IT. Unfortunately, my brain hits a wall with more advanced mathematics, so I can’t “do” physics on the level I want to. Luckily for me, my oldest son is also pretty obsessed with it, and he is now pursuing a degree in physics....so when he comes home, we sit down with his notes and he breaks it down for me (the language behind the experiment or action). I have pictures of his notes saved on my phone, for simply the silly reason that I like the patterns of the math (it’s the “universal language”, if you didn’t know), and like to daydream about understanding it. (He struggles with the math as well...we are both HEAVILY right brained...but he manages.) If there’s a documentary out there about physics (plus many lectures), I’ve probably seen it multiple times. Idk why quantum physics in particular interests me...maybe because it’s almost like magic. ☺️ Quantum entanglement fascinates me, and the theory that things aren’t what they are unless/until you observe them...I can get stuck absolutely obsessing over these things.

Nature/animals are the big background special interest that the specifics tie into, though (and this ranges from astrophysics to the life cycle and structure of an ant colony - and even human psychology). Concerning observable animal/plant nature though (and this is a big one for me), Sir David Attenborough is my hero lol- no one else answers the questions I have, and opens up the natural world for me, like that dude. It was Mutual of Omaha’s nature shows when I was a kid, now it’s him. Sorry not sorry, but a doc on the secret life of plants is *fucking riveting* to me. Science is my JAM! 😆 I am happy to recommend any docs to any other fellow science nerds (Through the Wormhole, The Elegant Universe, and Cosmos are all MUST SEE - if you’re a nature nerd, of course Blue Planet, Our Planet, Life...gosh. So many great series). When I get on a science kick, I get the same feelings I get when I’ve tapped into a difficult dog’s psyche, and we start to figure things out. It’s an absolute thrilling obsession, and I am very restless until all my “why/how” is answered. It’s never enough - I never know enough, and I never will.

It’s also an area where my perpetual 2-3 year old is consistently mostly satisfied. I mean that’s the whole scientific community in a nutshell LOL! “WHY?” “HOW?!” When I was a kid, I’d have to write down all my questions that weren’t answered by our Encyclopedias, and wait till the weekly library trip to find the answers I sought. Now, I have a smartphone and Google LOL....and I cannot even begin to describe how consciously thankful I am for that quick access to answers!! Questions will *eat me alive* sometimes, so answering them in a timely fashion is sooooo satisfying 😆

I guess I’m a bit of an artist/creative personality. I’m unhappy when I don’t have space to create....but that space is pretty damn large, because I’m into almost all of it (you can’t exactly fit a miter and bandsaw into your apartment studio, so I’m very grateful I have the space for the power tools LOL...)  From building things to fabric crafts, I love it all. I get way burned out if one of those things become a “job”, though (ehh except being paid as a regular employee of a historic renovation construction firm LOL) - something I HAVE to do. Then it’s not enjoyable anymore. I had started down a path of marketable creations, and they were in high demand...but then it became something I HAD to do for money, instead of wanting to do for enjoyment - and I haven’t touched that particular craft in 8 years or more now (which frustrates people, because I was good at it). 🤷🏻‍♀️ That’s one of those things I really can’t help. My oldest son seems to be sort of similar....he’s commissioned several pieces (and secured his first few at a VERY young age), but he also tends to get a little frustrated when he’s expected to create something, instead of the urge naturally striking him. The whole beauty and satisfaction from art - for me anyway - stems from pure imagination without constraints. When you’re doing something to please someone, it ceases being art, and turns into just...a skilled task you completed. That’s how I look at it, anyway. So even though I could actually make my art into a career (at least supplementary income), it ceases to be enjoyable for me *at all*, unless I’m creating something for someone who means a lot to me. That, and I really just prefer to give my stuff as gifts. It makes me feel good to see people light up with joy over what I’ve made for them, whatever it was. (I also do a shitload of remote training with people and their dogs, for free. I point folks towards the trainers I respect if they need extensive in person work, but lots of folks don’t have several hundred bucks to sink into understanding their dogs better...so...I just help where I can, now. I think it *used to* frustrate my husband, but he absolutely understands now & is cool with it.)

Oh. And rocks and minerals. I’m an obsessive rockhound LOL - and a cousin is a geologist, so he can break down how and why each is so unique, how it formed & why, etc. I’m actually currently converting a large yard sale antique wardrobe into a piece that can showcase Sir Tommy on one side, and my extensive rock and mineral collection on the other (waaaay not extensive enough, but you might be surprised how expensive quality specimens are. Take moldavite for example...fascinating thing...little chip of it about the size of your pinky nail will run you $20 +, because it’s rare. And yes I am fascinated by the metaphysical value attached to these minerals, and why that’s even a thing.) The way minerals form - let’s cite Aragonite as an example - just captivates me.

So I guess those are my main special interests! If you have a *young* Autie in your life, try to expose them to various things. To find a “special interest” is to find a way to ground ourselves. Special interests are a bit different than...well, I’m not sure what words work for stim interests that you can escape into for NT’s, but it’s less of an interest, and more of an obsession for us. It consumes us.

So anyway, EVERY Autie has a special interest. It could be science, it could be gaming (that’s a big one with lots of males, and not a small one for Autie women either, because it’s an escape you actually have to engage your brain in) or computers; it could be mathematics or art. It could be animals and nature. But eventually (for those of you with wee Auties), Your Pet Autie ™️ will find something that they absolutely obsess over & gets them excited to share their knowledge or creations with you. I encourage parents of auties to help them explore the world and find their niche. It helps us navigate your world, and find a way to be at home in it. It also gives us something to fixate on other than our bumbling attempts at fitting in to a world not built for us.

Circling back - if you know an autistic in your life that you want an “in” to get to know, start with their special interest. (Of course we recognize when you’re doing it just for the merits, versus when you actually want to learn something from us, but we appreciate both, really. It gives us a chance to ...idk. Feel important, maybe. At least that’s what it is to me, and my boys. We love to feel needed for our knowledge!)

Special interests are truly your “in” to an Autie, regardless of what their subject is.

So that’s MY take on the special interests. What lights your beloved Autie up?

#asd #autism #autistic #acceptance

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imagine-loki · 4 years

Text

Strangers

TITLE: strangers CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 2/? AUTHOR: hiddlemediddles ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine being a psychologist set to question Loki during his incarceration in Stark Tower. Initially, he scoffs at the prospect of a ‘psychological examination’. However, Loki grows quite attached to you and complies to each and every programme you have in store for him. RATING: MATURE NOTES/WARNINGS: Apologies for that last wonderful cliffhanger. Now I can’t give you Loki on a plate can I? Hmm.. but now I can.. hehe. In terms of his appearance, I was envisioning what he looked like in the prison scene in Thor: The Dark World when Thor asks him to help him get revenge for Frigga’s death against the dark elves. I initially thought of the infamous black suit, but I think that wonderful specimen can wait for now.. x As for the interviews between them, I have no real knowledge of counselling/psychology other than what I’ve experienced myself on the other end so please excuse my ignorance if you have knowledge in these fields. I welcome ALL criticism so throw it at me in full force! Right.. on to the show.. lots of juicy dialogue.. x - Once the doors opened, you stepped out into the cold room. It resembled a garage more than anything. The kind you would explore in your youth, looking around at your father’s tools and whatever junk you could play around with. This time, you would be playing with a certain.. person. Loki. Heels had been on the menu. The black stilettos clicked against the metal flooring. When you looked up, you were faced with your client, Loki. Whether it was the glass magnifying him or if it was really his physique, he looked huge. He wore a loose green shirt with a V neck and black trousers. He wore shoes, but they looked more like socks. Your eyes raised to see his face.

As you had predicted, he was sneering down at you arrogantly. A raise of the right side of his lip in bemusement. As though this whole situation were sport. His eyes were dancing with curiosity, or perhaps you misread it. It was probably some desire to skin you alive for even venturing forth into his presence. Either way, they were wide and alert. His hair was something else. Combed back, slick and very, very dark. Your feet clicked along towards the chair. You stood beside it, levelling the atmosphere. The feel of the situation. You expected to feel threatened, but the calm arrogance of the man seemed to calm you. Simply because calm arrogance in men was something you were accustomed to. “Loki. Nice to meet you, I’m Robin Croft. I specialise in clinical psychology and counselling.” You said. Loki was silent. His eyes were flickering along your face. They didn’t stoop any lower to examine your attire. The black suit that you yourself were wearing. You expected his eyes to go languidly along your body, just as every arrogant man seemed to do when they were faced with a woman. A tactic used to demean that woman into feeling self-conscious about her body. A tactic you yourself had learnt to swiftly ignore. If they wanted to look, then look. You would look back. “I’m going to be as plain as possible with you, Loki. I’m here to.. how shall we say it? Rehabilitate you? Whatever way you prefer to see it. In other words, I’m here to coax out what’s going on with you.” Loki remained silent. You had expected this. An unwillingness to cooperate. He simply stared at you emptily through the glass. His eyes remained trained on yours, not venturing anywhere else. You detected the twitches in his face as the silence went on. In your experience, you knew they always cracked. Arrogant men had an insatiable habit of talking. They couldn’t stop talking even if the world was crumbling beneath their feet. They couldn’t bear being silent. “Please, sit.” Loki said, bowing his head slightly. He extended his arm towards the chair. “I would pull the chair myself, but as you see there is a rather infuriating hindrance.” “Thank you.” You said before you sat down. These niceties were always close to driving you mad. You always yearned to get to the point. “You have been informed of what I am capable of doing, Miss. Croft. Or.. Mrs. Croft. Forgive me.” Loki said. “Miss. Croft. Yes, I have, Loki. Does that make you feel uncomfortable? That I am aware of those things?” “Nothing other than how it alters one’s perception of another person. Being aware of someone’s past twists and warps the mind into believing it is their present. I should think it would make.. you.. uncomfortable.” “I see. You feel as though those actions are no longer your present?” “I wouldn’t murder anyone, no. You didn’t respond to my suggestion.” “Sorry?” “That it would make you uncomfortable. That I have murdered. That I attempted to take over Earth with an army.” “Do perceptions matter to you?” Loki was ruffled. “Not particularly. Only, if we are to become.. acquainted, let’s say.. I would rather be viewed transparently. Not through the lens of a mortal who is quivering with fear.” “Nothing to worry about, Loki. Entire transparency.” “I find that hard to believe. You read it all and didn’t fear me. You don’t fear me now?” Loki’s voice deepened. “No. I don’t fear you. I think you fear yourself more than anything. What you are capable of doing frightens you. That is why you need to be.. guided.” “All mortals fear me. You are no exception, Miss. Croft. I could break out of this cage and murder you in cold blood.” Loki smirked. “And would you do that, Loki? If that glass disappeared, would you want to kill me?” “No.” Loki smiled and finally sat down on his own chair in the centre of the cage. “Despite the fact that the tesseract is still rife in my immune system, I don’t feel bloodthirsty.” “I want to say a few names to you and I want you to tell me the first thing that pops into your head.” “Not this shit.” Loki sighed. “Tesseract.” You said. “Controlling.” “Avengers.” “Tedious children.” “Thor.” “Irritating fat oaf.” “Thanos.” “Bastard in purple.” “Frigga.” Loki stopped. It would get progressively harder, but you knew you had thrown him at the deep end with that one. No more fun and games. Thought provoking. Powerful. Loki’s eyes widened. You weren’t sure whether it was rage or if he was rising to the challenge. You hoped sincerely that it was the latter. “Mother. My mother.” he said. There was resentment in his voice. You wondered what Thor was thinking on the other side of the CCTV camera. You were certain that he would be listening in. “Odin.” “Corrupt.” Loki sneered. You would finish with one which you hoped would make him think even more. “Loki.” “Yes?” he narrowed his eyes. “That was the last one. Loki.” The look of confusion which descended over face suddenly warped into amusement. Intense amusement which laced his features, his eyes. His lips raised, waiting to “Wonderfully beguiling, handsome and incredibly sexy. Wouldn’t you agree?” You almost struggled to keep a straight face. “How did you feel.. doing that?” “Irritated. I find those activities incredibly mind numbing. I think it would be in your best interests to omit them from your little programme for me.” “As you wish, Loki. I thought it would make you.. think. Think about those around you and your current situation.” “The last one only succeeded in giving me an ego boost.” Loki smirked. “As for the one concerning Thor, I suppose he’s raging somewhere in the background. I know they’re watching me. All of them. I am no fool, Miss. Croft.” “And that angers you?” Loki chuckled. “No. It amuses me. They want me to be insane so they know what to work with. But, as I am not, they don’t know what to do with me. So they imprisoned me instead. Very curious, you mortals.” “Do you think you have a mental condition? Even prior to the tesseract’s hold on you?” You watched as Loki’s eyes narrowed in on your soul. Another couple of feathers ruffled. You suspected that you would be ruffling many more. “Yes. In fact, I do. I am obsessed with control. With power. I yearn to rule, I yearn to subjugate. To take hold of an empire and have people follow me. I have been wired by Odin to want that and it is all I have ever known. Only to be dashed from under my nose.” You listened in silent awe. “Have you had that in any other aspect of your life? In your relationships with other people? That need for power?” Loki’s eyes twinkled. “Relinquishing control is not in my nature. I feel it in all aspects of my life. For example, I enjoy controlling the power dynamics during sexual encounters.” You hoped you weren’t blushing at this candid revelation. Loki’s attention became more attuned to your cheeks and facial reactions. He yearned to see something. A blush, a lowering of the eyes. Nothing came. You didn’t even break eye contact with him. Calm acceptance. Loki was nothing short of impressed. “You blame your father for your need for power?” “If we are to continue with this.. rendezvous.. we are to refer to Odin as that. Odin. He is not my father, nor will he ever be my father.” “And Thor? May I refer to him as your brother and Frigga as your mother?” Loki visibly stiffened and his voice became dangerously low. “Refer to them by their names, Miss. Croft.” “You blame Odin for your need for power?” Loki raised his brow. The man was very pale, particularly from the after effects of this magical stone tesseract thing. His hair seemed blacker and blacker from how pale he was. And.. there it was. The sharp jaw. Your weakness for that sharp jaw. You raised your eyes to his once more to divert your attention from it. You would leave the sharp jaw for the fictional characters. “Yes, I do. He raised me to be a king and a king I will be. When you become so brainwashed with something, you know no different.” “I don’t know. It seems you know that you’ve been brainwashed, Loki. Besides, kingship and dictatorship isn’t as lavish as you might think. It never works out for mortals and I shouldn’t think it works for any conscious creature.” Loki grinned. “But don’t you like being in control? Being in power? Isn’t it so.. fulfilling? Having complete authority over all that stand before you.” “Too much responsibility. Besides, real power and control are impossible to attain.” “What?” You didn’t want to stray from your psychological examination of him, but it seemed like a good opportunity to teach this power hungry man a lesson or two about life. “You can’t possibly hope to be in real power. Real power means exercising people like you’re a puppet master moving each limb of your puppets. Their every move, thought and act. Controlling people is also impossible. Being top dog doesn’t achieve anything. Your desire to be ‘in power’ will only end in an endless cycle. You’ll want more and more power, you’ll never be fulfilled. Never satisfied. Always chasing for something so abstract as power that the word contains no meaning anymore. Isn’t that terrifying?” Loki listened to your words with a spark he had not felt in the many years he had cumbered this universe. Finally, he thought, some sense in this chaos. “And how would you know that, Miss. Croft? Who taught you this knowledge?” “Books make you think. About power, especially. A book called '1984’ by George Orwell. A classic, probably not a classic from where you come from.” Loki smirked arrogantly. “Mortal fiction is inferior from where I come from. The Asgardian psyche seems to be.. if these people have such short existences, what can they possibly have to offer to the universe?” There was a very calculated silence. You could almost hear Nick Fury and the rest of SHIELD laughing behind the camera. You betrayed nothing. “You want to be in control, Loki. Control makes you happy. Now, tell me what you desire the most. Your ideal situation in this universe. A situation you believe will make you happy and fulfilled.” “Just a simple life, really, Miss. Croft. Ruler of Asgard with a Queen by my side, perhaps a few children running around and a hell of a lot of mischief. I just want to bring order to the galaxy. Isn’t that what we all want? To be a hero? To save the world?” “And you believe that by giving Thanos the tesseract he would give you that desire? And you would be happy?” Loki glowered. A frown was forming on his face. His features tensed. “He is more powerful than any of those idiot spies could ever imagine. His ascendancy is inevitable. He’s rising to power, I might as well jump at the chance at salvaging Asgard and be a king in his new empire.” “You want what Thanos wants?” “I want what Thanos can give me.” Loki said, his voice edging closer to irritation. “You think happiness can be given. You are also convinced that this Thanos would keep to his word. I’m sure you, being a trickster god, can see beyond that.” Loki grinned. “You are right, Miss. Croft. Excellent observation skills. How would you like your prize?” You sensed the anger beginning to rise. This was the perfect opportunity to close the session. “I hope you found that somewhat helpful, Loki. Thinking about all of these things are difficult, but it has to be done. I didn’t want to throw you at the deep end, but you seem capable of weathering those storms. How about I return again next week?” The expected grin came. “A pleasure having made your acquaintance, Miss. Croft. You fill my time in this cage wonderfully. I will eagerly await your return.” x

#Loki #Angst #Submitted fic #submission #strangers #chapter 2 #hiddlemediddles

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